#amara has her own blog

[scoobydoodean]

Hello<3

I was wondering if you had any thoughts on how fandom misconstrues Dean's relationship with alcohol?

There is so much emphasis on making him out to be a violent mean drunk, but I mostly remember that he drinks and like passes out when he's grieving or stressed (iirc) (s6 PTSD, Soulless sam, when Cas dies, etc.)? It's weird to me because Dean isn't the only character to go through this. Bobby relies on drinking too. He's exactly as gruff as Dean can be. He also had an abusive father. Yet I don't usually see people judging Bobby for that (if they exist, I haven't seen them at least thank God).

I get frustrated when people say things like the MoC was a direct metaphor for alcoholism just because it made Dean sooo violent and angry, etc. And, it's like an unrealistic understanding of alcoholism irl and also of Dean himself and his actual actions and context. I just get weirdly defensive of him over it lol.

If you've already hashed this out I'm sry! At the end of the day, it's all just interpretation ig, but I wanted to know your take on it cause ik you'd look at dean with a good faith lens.

<3

One could say I have had thoughts on how fandom misconstrues Dean's relationship with alcohol. One could even say I have spawned extremely funny multi-day fandom-wide disk horses on this subject simply by giving my opinion on my own blog when an anon asked me to.

I'm tracking Dean's relationship with alcohol (and other substances bc I was too lazy to make two separate tags) through #dean and drugs during my rewatch if you care to peruse, but I think you and I are of a similar mind on this.

Prior to season 4, Dean has a very average relationship with alcohol. In season 4, Dean starts using alcohol as a coping tool to help him fall asleep because he's having nightmares about hell. By season 6, alcohol is also a coping tool for depression and stress. He drinks to deal with nightmares, he drinks to cope with hell trauma, he drinks after soulless Sam watches his sexual assault with a smile, he drinks after Cas swallows all the souls and Death blames Dean for everything, he drinks throughout season 7 to cope with Cas's death and Bobby's death. I'm up to 8.01 and have yet to see a single occasion where Dean drinking and Dean being violent co-occurred. What I do see is Dean drinking when he is sad, alone, or scared.

I'll continue tracking—I'll eventually get back into the MoC arc where Dean is drinking heavily again, and obviously Dean + drinking + anger + violence are all going to happen at the same time in MoC seasons. However, correlation does not equal causation, and while someone can choose to believe that Dean's drinking causes him to be angry, I think the literal answer in season 9/10 is that Dean's been cursed by the father of murder, and on a more metaphorical level, the Mark of Cain quite overtly represents Dean's resentment toward Sam which Carver spends his entire run laying out in great detail. This is why the whole Carver run culminates in Amara (a Dean parallel) being unleashed to take revenge on her brother, and why the MoC is a brother murderer curse to begin with. Alcohol is set dressing. It shows us—just as it did in the past—that Dean feels sad, alone, and scared (in this case, of what the MoC could lead him to do—which also isn't dissimilar from the original reason Dean started drinking—after hell to cope with the trauma of not just being tortured but torturing others—the fear that he'd been made into a monster).

Looking at the matter holistically, I don't personally see Dean as an angry drunk. I see him as a sad drunk. If anything, I think he hopes that alcohol will drown his anger and violent urges in the MoC arc, or at least slow him down, while also being the traditional tool he uses during boughts of depression (which he is very much experiencing during the MoC arc to the point of suicide). I also think outside the outlier of season 9/10, the narrative supports sad drunk Dean far better than angry drunk Dean.

[crystallizedtwilight]

Do the names LSBs parents gave them have any significance or meaning/reason they chosen those in particular?

ohhh !! One of my friends just asked me this !! (copies and pastes)

Lock -  Eli (ee · lai)

Lock’s parents named him Eli because they were stealth hunters in the deep forests that stalked wild game, often by using trees to climb or hide. They valued things like swiftness, accuracy, and skill. Eli (meaning “elevated” or “high”) was a favorable name because, if one has the higher ground during a fight or hunt, they are at a favorable advantage. Fittingly, Lock has a natural tendency to climb to high perches—trees, roofs, anything elevated that helps him feel safe, hidden, and like he has the upper hand. He lives up to his name.

Shock - Amaranth; also called Amara or Amy by coven (a · mur · anth)

Shock’s coven bestowed her the most prosperous name they could think of. As witches, her coven saw the immense value in herbs and flowers as they were able to make powerful potions from them. They named her Amaranth (meaning “the unfading flower”). They hoped, with such a powerful name, she would grow up strong and resilient. Additionally, the nicknames they occasionally shortened Amaranth to— Amara (“everlasting”) and Amy (“beloved”)—also expressed their hope that Shock would live a full life always knowing she was loved.

Barrel - Brayden (bray · den)

Barrel was named Brayden (meaning “broad" or "broad valley”) because it is a name that references the Earth. Since ghouls make their life by digging into the earth, burrowing into grave soil, descending into tombs and re-making small "valleys" of their own, they thought it was fitting for Barrel to have a sturdy name that connected him to the earth somehow. To dig a "broad valley" meant he would would prosper as a hearty, nourished ghoul.

[roublardise]

HAPPY FEMSLASH FEBRUARY 🎉

here's my little reclist :)

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In the Wake of the Winchesters - iamfoxfire / @supersapphical Cassie/Jess | 22k | 5/7

After her mother's passing, Cassie's grief drove her away from her hometown. Now she moves around the US, visiting any town that might have a story and publishing articles about her travels. Out in California, she hears rumors about a potential haunting but when she goes to investigate, she meets a ghost completely unlike the murderous spirits she's tangled with in the past. This ghost isn't deliberately violent but she is increasingly desperate in her attempts to be heard. Cassie realizes she is in a unique position to try to help this spirit over to the other side except that the more time they spend together, the more the strange connection between them grows.

-> the ghost sex really haunts me, and the description making the house so alive still inspire me to this day

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neatly-labelled leftovers - gayliens Mary/Jody | 3.1k

Mary hates Jody, she realises faintly, as she opens the fridge to a Tupperware stack of neatly-labelled leftovers. Green bean casserole, turkey chilli, maple-glazed pork chops. All homemade, probably. Jody has two kids of her own and Mary’s own kids to boot, a steady job and a good hunting gig and time to mash her own potatoes by hand. All Mary has to show for twenty-nine years is an aborted life of choosing hunting and home at the wrong times for the wrong reasons, a wedding ring she hurled into the woods two weeks after being resurrected, and a decent pussy-eating technique. None of this, technically, is Jody’s fault. But god, Mary hates her for it. or, mary stays with jody after asa's funeral. things get a little complicated

-> stunning writing !!! !! !!!!!!

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Fil Rose - @limbel Jo Harvelle | 1.3k

Pink was the color of the minidress that clung tight and glittery and oppressive to the smooth-plastic body of the Barbie that came out of the package, curly red ribbons and giftwrap now laying all scrunched next to Jo’s toes. Four stills from Jo's life, connected by a thread

-> jo gender thoughts in beautiful poetic prose

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Roadhouse Girl - Jo Daily universe - thereweresunflowers / @mrcowboydeanwinchester serie of 3 works. Jo Harvelle, Jo/Cassie | 42.9k total

Works inspired by Jo's Blog and set within the universe of my Jo manifesto fic Jo Daily - usually pre-season, in the Roadhouse.

-> and basically anything by Ola, half of which is in my to-read list already.. an icon

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Wolf Like Me - schmevil Bela/Meg | 4k

Meg takes Bela of the rack.

-> such an interesting exploration of Hell and being a demon

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caution blocks you from the wind - @captainangua Mary/Rowena | 3.5k

Rowena invites Mary out for drinks

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Target Practice - Petrichora_Vellichor / @petrichoravellichor Mary/Rowena | 2k

Mary and Rowena share a moment on the bunker's shooting range.

-> both of these are Mary/Rowena thesises to me :)

...

AND if I may.... here's my own Mary fic 💕

amidst ashes and feathers - anarchistamara Mary/Amara | 6.7k

"It's a matter of days until she crosses paths with another hunter. And she might not be recognized, but what could she say if they asked her name? Or where she learned to be that good? She can't be Winchester. She can't be Campbell either. She's not sure she can even be Mary." - Mary is brought back from the dead by Amara (again). This time, she doesn't want to do the same mistakes. This time, she wants to be herself. Whoever the hell that may be.

[milkfordragons]

I'm super excited to read Rotten Meat as soon as possible, thank you so much for taking your time writing it. I do really enjoy your blog and headcanons, I'm so happy to be able to express my thoughts here and to discuss, it's like I've found my people.<3

A little thing I did enjoy about the series Hannibal Lecter, apart the whole plot and characters, I'd say would be the clothing choice. I know it sounds so random, but I think they play an important role and speaks about the characters if this makes sense. I also just personally love people who have taste in fashion ahaha.

So I was wondering if Amara needs to have that elegance in clothing like her fathers? I feel like with Hannibal there's no doubts. But with Will? I don't know, it wouldn't be the same. But it would be curious to know if Mia have a 'dress code' as well or it's just pure casual. I do feel like I'm asking a nosense but I hope this somewhat made sense.😅

-🐛

Ahhh thank you so much for providing me with an excuse to just:

Amara:

Mia:

Savannah (you didn't ask about her but I might as well include her):

Amara’s fashion sense is a careful, calculated game. She’s a mini Hannibal: elegant, poised, but still young enough to care about how others perceive her. She dresses with intention, blending classical style with youthful edges, always aiming to present herself as both alluring and unapproachable. For her, fashion is a weapon, an extension of her will to manipulate those around her. If she wants to gain something from Hannibal, she��ll wear pigtails or braids, and the color yellow, knowing it will invoke memories of his younger sister or of when she was more innocent. Each outfit is a silent negotiation, and Amara knows how to dress to reach her goals.

Mia, on the other hand, is a more unconscious force when it comes to fashion. Her style reflects the practical, nature-driven life she lives, but it is also, in its own way, a weapon, though one she doesn’t fully understand. She has been cast into the roles of maiden, mother, and wife by Will’s unspoken expectations, and her wardrobe echoes these pressures. Her clothes are cutesy and feminine, with pieces that have an innocent charm but often reveal more than she intends, reflecting the subtle imbalance in her relationship with Will. She’s rarely seen in pants, adhering to a stereotype of femininity that she didn’t choose but was shaped into. Her body, which she’s come to see as something used against her, has become her tool, her weapon of self-assertion, though she may never fully grasp how much power she’s wielding with it.

Savannah is the antithesis of both Amara and Mia. Reserved, introverted, and deeply self-conscious, she hides in loose, neutral-toned clothing that serves as armor against the world. Like Dolarhyde, Savannah prefers to not be noticed, and her style reflects this need for invisibility. She rarely shows skin on purpose and makes no attempt to stand out. Her clothes are her shield, keeping her hidden from the gaze of others, allowing her to exist without being noticed. In her world, being seen is a risk, one she’s not willing to take.

[walk-to-gallows]

Mary was too much. The show spent to much time in the past they didn’t need to drag Mary back into their lives for MORE FAMILY DRAMA. There were so many options for Amara to grant Dean some wish or some desire that he wanted there was no reason to dig into his rat nest of a life and drag Mary from heaven as some gift to Dean. To me that was as bad as 11 or 12 seasons later we had to put up with meeting Sam’s imaginary friend. They didn’t ring us dry of Sam pity enough? Do we need something more weird from his life to ring the tears from us?

While I didn’t sit at home hating or blogging about her in some crazy negative way. I think I only made one post about her right after she appeared but I was happy to see her go.

Yeah, you're getting the full rant; Mary was a reclamation.

Like most horror media, Supernatural has a bad habit of fridging its female characters to give its male characters a fighting reason. Up until her resurrection, Mary was only present in the past, she was just a memory rather than a person, the perfect mother, perfect wife, perfect woman because she was dead.

Of course killing off a family member is a customary trick of the trade, it’s strong stuff for motivating your characters, but when your pilot opens with not one, but two female characters being killed for the sake of their male partners arc, there’s a problem there.

Mary’s return is important for many reasons. Her presence parallels Jack’s, the ghost of the past and the hope of the future, the undead and the newly born. She represents autonomy being given to women in horror, like Kelly Kline, these women aren’t just hills for men to die on anymore.

Mary is the beginning, she’s the start of it all. Her return was hardly heralded in a way that made us expect her, but she’s not a random prize. Mary’s death has been the catalyst of Sam and Dean’s entire life, and as they move on to the future, there’s a need for them to reconcile with the past, especially with Jack’s introduction.

From this ask and your next, I'm guessing you're much more a fan of Dean than Sam, and I won't lie, my preferences lie that way too, but I fear that you're letting your biases cloud your judgement.

Mary's return has much more to do with Dean than Sam, Dean was four when Mary died, he actually remembers her. Her return spurs a whole new arc for him where he has to come to terms with her absence in his life and the glorified version of her that he grew up with as a result of his young age, Dean feels abandoned by his mother both in the past and in the present.

And once again, with Jack's introduction and Dean's role as one of his parents, there's more for Dean to move through. Dean was incredibly involved in Sam's childhood, and yet now when he's an adult he find himself often emotionally unavailable like his own father was once.

Not to mention, Sam and Dean's lives have been tightly intertwined beyond what is normal for most siblings, they've spent years apart, but they've often only had each other to rely on. Most things that concern one of them will also concern the other. Yes, Mary's return gives Sam a chance to know his mother the way he was never able to, but it also gives Dean the opportunity to reconcile with his childhood, to say things to his mother he never thought he'd be able to say, to resolve a part of his life that has been an open, festering wound.

Dean lost his father to hunting, it's something he struggles to reconcile with (which is why 14x13 is so important but that's another rant). It's part of the reason he's defensive of Sam's criticism of John, because Dean remembers a time when John was attentive and gentle, and not the soldier he regressed to.

In season 1, we see Sam learn that side of John, the part of him that put away money into a college fund for his boys, that hoped for a future free from bloodshed, and he comes to terms with the loss of a father he had never gotten the chance to know.

This is what Dean gets with Mary, the chance to know his mother as she was, as a person and an individual. The resentment that Sam carried for John is comparable to that which Dean carries for Mary, it's a one-dimensional view of their parents, anger at what they weren't just as much as what they were. Dean blames Mary for his childhood, and while I don't think the culpability rests on her, it is that unresolved anger that brings his mother back to him.

Mary gets a second chance at life, Dean gets a second chance with his mother, and he brings her back to him. I really find it difficult to understand how so many people dismiss this plot line, because not only does it parallel the way Sam and Dean slowly lost their father to the hunting life, it is a direct result of Dean's lingering anger and grief that makes Mary their mother again. She avoids them, throws herself back into hunting because it's what's familiar in this world that has aged beyond her, and the guilt of seeing her boys, who have grown despite her absence, is too much to bear. Dean forces her past this guilt, he allows her to forgive herself because he hates her for being gone, but he loves her too, and her knowing that her absence now counts as much as her absence then is what changes everything.

The character writing in supernatural is something that can be so good, I hate to see the hate-train on Mary coming at full speed because she didn't live up to audience expectations (never mind that those expectations were based on snapshots of her from her grieving husband and sons, or the younger and "innocent" version of her). Anyway, you're free to dislike Mary, at the end of the day my opinion is my opinion and yours is your own, but the fact of the matter is that Mary's return was incredibly significant for the overall plot, and Dean's character arc and growth.

[the-aranea-chronicles]

⥉ Welcome to my blog! ⥉

⥉ About the Author ⥉

Call me Aranea or Ara, a 23 yr old Aussie gal who is ever so slowly working on her novels. Not picky on what pronouns you use for me. I've been writing since I was 14, and been on and off tumblr just as long.

Working part time, and studying a few courses. Also practice witchcraft. Own a German Pointer named Millie (who has her own tag (#millie))

Current interests: Dragon Age, Dragons Dogma, Mass Effect, Skulduggery Pleasant, and Vampyr. I also play the Sims 4, so might even post some of my characters that way.

Favourite genres: Fantasy, horror, paranormal, science fiction, and historical.

Other platforms: AO3

Personal tag: #ara rambles

⥉ About This Blog ⥉

Open to asks about my OCs, world lore, or just wanting to drop in and have a chat!

Mainly using this blog to share lore, snippets of my novels, things that amuse me and worldbuilding.

Current Novel WIPs:

Monstrum (Which, yes, is loosely based on my fanfic under the same name) A God who never wanted to be a God, sea elves, sapphic dwarven Goddess, polyamory is pretty much the norm, cursed tome that exploded a temple, MC works out he's a transman... What more could you want? Oh wait, there's one more thing: son of God who died multiple times and came back wrong each time, is currently possessing MC's meant-to-be-dead mother! Oops.

Quondam

Takes place centuries before Monstrum, when The Maker was only a sorcerer who wanted a better world... and now deals with the consequences of taking over as Sovereign of the World. Surely she can change her world without destroying it?

[Un-named]

Crash landing on a unknown planet, memories wiped... The A.I. with corrupted data, known as Thio, calls them Viator, but is that their name? Or a title? The only thing Viator knows is that they were thrown into a black hole... and now have a ship to fix, and to find civilisation.

⥉ DNI ⥉

Pro-contact paras, anti-lgbtq, anti-otherkin/therian

My OC tags:

Monstrum: #laianna/aurélien | #opal | #vesper | #adara | #amara | #hermia | #aranea | #ghilain (pronounced gee-layn)

Link to dividers

[litnerdwrites]

Clandestine Affairs - Lust X OC (I)

A/N: Omg, the first part of Clandestine Affairs is finally done! I'm so excited to share this with you all. I'll try to update weekly, but if I can't, I'll see if I can get some Euphemia content out. Other than that, I have a Gluttony x Reader oneshot I'm working on to, but I don't know when I'd upload that. Tomorrow, I'll set up a masterlist that'll be pinned to my blog. If you have theories as to where this will go before we reach the point my Prince of Sin week work ended on, or want to be tagged in this series, comment and let me know. Finally, if you want some spoilers as to where this series is going, Speak Now is a oneshot for Lust with this same OC that I did for Prince of Sin week, and this is just fleshing out his and Amara's story a little, so feel free go check that out, along with @princeofsinweek for a bunch of KOTW content.

WC: 1887

TW: Implied suicidal behaviour, implied abuse, implied suicide attempt, implied suicide attempt by FMC.

Masterlist Kingdom of the Wicked Masterlist Clandestine Affairs Masterlist

She wasn’t sure how long she’d sat there, eyes locked on the crashing waves below, but not really looking at them. 

“Get out of my sight,” 

The sudden wind at her back had her lurching forward. Or was it a hand? Was the voice in her head? She couldn’t tell anymore. 

SMASH

The waves sound like shattering glass.

Or does the glass shattering sound like the waves crashing? 

Which one could she hear?

“I’m sorry, Mara. My poor, sweet Amara,”

Another crash draws her attention to the raging sea. If it were a little louder, could it, perhaps, it could drown out the rend of her heart when those words played.

It would be so easy to just… lean forward. 

Just a little. 

Chunks of earth crumble beneath her knees, where her legs dangle off the side, and disappear into the inky waters below. 

That could be her. 

It would be easy. 

Just lean forward. 

Grasp a piece of the sweet oblivion she longed for. 

Easy.

It’s right there.

Peace.

Oblivion.  

So, so easy. 

Just-

Something rushed through her, like rapids flowing through her veins, sudden enough to draw the air from her lungs, and has her lurching back. Pulled from her trance, her eyes searched around for the source of the feeling. Fishing boats, and personal ships bobbed in the distance, some hanging lanterns to mark their location from shore, while shadows danced below the surface. 

Dragging her gaze away, she scanned the area, searching for what might have been the cause of the sudden rush she’d felt. At a glance, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The night’s pearl had long since taken her place, surrounded by glittering diamonds, forming constellations in the sky. Stalls and vendors had been packed away, with every respectable merchant having gone home to their family, likely tucked into bed, or in front of a warm fire with a drink by now. Her heart clenched at the thought, just as a chilly breeze swept over her.

Suddenly, she longed for that warmth. A warm fire, or a blanket- anything to keep the cold at bay, and warm her chilled body. 

As her eyes searched, they caught on a light coming from behind a rock formation at the edge of the nearby beach. With slow, cautious steps, she walked along the edge of the cliff, until she could see a mass of figures surrounding a large bonfire. They were chatting, eating, and dancing to the most hypnotic music she’d ever heard.

For a moment, she wondered where the music was coming from, as she didn’t see anyone with instruments amongst or near the mass. The thought was quickly banished from her head with another gust of wind, and suddenly it was all she could think of, to get closer to that warmth.

It was such a familiar occurrence that she didn’t even struggle when she felt those dark thoughts and fatigue pulling her under, leaving her as a passenger in her own body, letting it run through the motions as she sank further into the darkness. Perhaps that was why she didn’t notice as her legs began to move, or that little voice inside, screaming at her to stop. 

Instead, she let her feet carry her towards the bonfire.

Entranced, she made her way down the side of the cliff, vaguely registering the way her limbs trembled. She wondered if it was from anticipation or the cold. The thought passed quickly though, and before long, she found herself right in front of the pyre, where the flames danced against the backdrop of night. But, something was different. When she turned her head, giving the area a slow once over, she realised; The crowd was gone. 

Instead, there was only a single person, dancing around the bonfire to an indiscernible source of music. That should’ve bothered her more.

The sculptures that nobles commissioned from renowned artisans to line their overly elaborate halls must’ve been inspired by the man. He wore a silver suit, though seemed to have either discarded or, more likely, forgone a shirt or vest.

His skin was gold, hair dark, and his eyes were the colour of charcoal. Yet, somehow, she got the impression that if she met his gaze, she’d feel like she was falling into a different kind of abyss than the one she was used to. This one would be darkened by desire, though be it to disrobe or begin worshiping, she couldn’t tell.   

“If you like what you see, then why not join?” The man’s voice jolted her from her thoughts. 

He had been across the beach a moment ago, but now he stood right in front of her. 

Too close. 

His face was too close, as he bent at the waist to examine her. It was only then, when she felt that flaming circlet flicker against her forehead that she realised how… Wrong- no. Not wrong. Off? How... Strange? No. How… Unsettling it was. 

“Doesn’t your head get hot during the summer?”

The man’s eyes widened, and he had jerked back, clearly surprised by the question.

No sooner had the words left her mouth, Amara dropped her head and slapped a hand over her mouth. She tucked her chin against her collarbone, stiffening, before taking two steps back. Every second she felt his gaze on her, searching her, as if peeling back every layer to find the deepest secrets, locked in her heart. 

With every ounce of strength left, she pulled her hands from her mouth, willing- forcing herself to stutter an apology. 

“I- I’m so-” 

“There are no summers where I’m from,” 

Amara’s head snapped up, but she kept her hands close to her mouth, ready to raise them to her face at a moments’ notice. The man was grinning casually, amusement clear in his voice. 

She blinked up at him, hands still pressed to her mouth, but eyes wide and curious. He seemed so jovial when she first saw him, then surprised at her outburst, but that was nothing new, and then, even without seeing his face, she felt like he’d instantly whittled down, through every layer of her until he found her secrets laid bare. Now, he seemed like any other bored noble’s son, seeking attention. 

“Should you not be more concerned by it?” he cocked his head to the side.

Amara dropped her hands from her mouth, and blinked up at him again. After a few moments under his expectant gaze, answered with a shrug. 

“I have… Seen stranger. I am a witch, after all.”

His brows shot up. 

“You seem remarkably comfortable sharing that, when all it would take is the wrong person overhearing for you to be condemned,” 

“You obviously aren’t human, and even if you were, then I guess that’s my mistake,” 

His eyes narrowed, as he circled her. 

Amara didn’t bother tracking his movements. 

Silence stretched on for what felt like hours, though was likely only minutes.

“Do you know who I am, Stella Stregah?” he finally asked, coming back to stand in front of her. 

“A Malvagi,” she stated, matter of factly, if not somewhat dully, before looking behind him, amd asking hesitantly, “Why are you having a bonfire all alone?” 

“Would you care to join me?” was the only response he gave, head cocked to the side.

“Why?”

“Dance with me, and perhaps you’ll find out,” the demon bowed at the waist, offering his hand to her. Amara eyed him, and his grin widened, before he asked, “What could you have to lose?”

Her eyes widened at his words. 

“My life,” she blurted. 

“But you don’t care about that,”

“What?” 

His eyes moved to the cliff she was sitting on, before she wandered down here, and she followed his gaze. 

“If you cared about your life, then why would you allow yourself to lean so close to the edge?” he asks. 

“Heights don’t scare me,” Amara responds, struggling to keep her voice even.  

The man simply grins wider, before shrugging, as if pocketing the information, and holding out his hand again.

“If a height like that doesn’t frighten you, surely a mere dance won’t shake you either, no?” 

She narrowed her eyes, intent on rejecting it, as his words replayed in her mind. 

What did she have to lose? If she died, no one could say she took the coward’s way out. If she didn’t, what would be the harm? Perhaps it would be fun? Perhaps it could breathe some life into her for the first time in what felt like forever. Perhaps she’ll be able to escape her torments for a night. What could be the harm?

With a sigh, she took the man’s waiting hand. 

Music filled her ear again, though there was no discernible source, as the demon guided her through the steps. Amara let him, keeping up with the steps expertly. She followed his lead, though never once made eye contact with the demon. 

“Which one of the seven are you?” 

“The best looking and most well endowed, naturally,” he grins. Amara’s expression deadpans. This seems to amuse him more. “I go by many names, Stregah, but you may call me Lust,” 

She narrowed her eyes on him. Taking a moment to examine herself, and thinking over their interactions thus far. It didn’t seem like he used his powers on her.

“Have you tried to influence me with your sin, yet?” 

Lust cocks his head to the side, examining her, as if considering if he should tell her or not. She leveled him with an impatient glare in response, though it only seemed to amuse him. Still, it seemed to convince him.

“For a time,” Lust admits, and Amara narrows her eyes. 

“What?”

“You have a lot of questions, don’t you, little witch. Careful, each answer will cost you,” he warns. 

“I…See,” 

“Tell me, why were you so close to the edge, Stella Stregah?” 

Lust raised a brow, examining the way her face scrunched. 

“That’s not your concern, Malvagi.” Amara snapped, moving to pull away.

He chuckled, yanking her into a spin, before she could, then caught her, and pushed her into a dip, hand cupping the thigh of her raised leg. His face was mere inches from hers.

“No need to be so wrathful, little witch. Let go of your troubles for a night. Release those pent up feelings and give in to your desires,”  

“I’m not sleeping with you,” she told him, point blank. 

“I never said you should. Not unless those are your desires,” Lust shrugged, not rising from the dip, letting his hand trail down her leg, “Dance. Drink,” she glanced behind him to see a table of drinks and food she hadn’t noticed before, and on the other side, comfortable looking chairs were laid out around the bonfire, “Rest. Talk. Sing. Give into whatever brings your pleasure,” 

“You mean to feed your sin-" Amara's thoughts came to a halt, her eyes narrowed, "If you are the Prince of Lust, why not encourage, or influence more..."  

"Why not influence more carnal or debaucherous forms of pleasure?" He finished, lips quirked into a wicked grin as his thumb began to trace circles into her thigh. "There are many forms of pleasure, Stregah, and fucking is merely one of them. Is happiness itself not a part of pleasure and satisfaction?" 

Amara's breath hitched, as heat trailed in his wake, spreading from her thigh to her core. 

"I- I suppose," she muttered, as she fought the warmth of his touch, as well as any indication of the sort of effect he had on her. 

The last thing she needed was for The Prince of Lust to assume she had any desire to be in any way... intimate... with him. Just the thought alone had blood rushing to her cheeks and her stomach in knots. 

“Can you deny that giving in to pleasure, forgetting what ails you, even for a single night, would be bad?” Lust's brow cocked as he posed the question, snapping Amara from her thoughts.

It wouldn’t. If it wasn't sex of any kind, then she knew it wouldn’t.

“Surely you have plenty of people available to feed your sin,” 

“Yet, at this time, I make this offer to you, and you alone," 

Amara’s eyes narrowed. 

“If I give into pleasure, you won’t use your sin on me?” 

“Not unless you ask, little witch,” 

“Then it’s a deal. Just for tonight.” 

“Just for tonight.” 

Just for tonight. What could possibly go wrong, in just a night?

[ash-and-books]

Rating: 5/5

Book Blurb:

Cursebreaker Marlow Briggs must deal with the aftermath of her fake romance with one of the most powerful nobles inthe illustrious—and deadly—Evergarden society, all while uncovering the mystery behind her mother's disappearance.

The city of Caraza sits poised on the edge of chaos—and cursebreaker Marlow Briggs is at the center of a deadly struggle for power. In the tragic aftermath of the Vale-Falcrest wedding, Marlow is spurned by Adrius, who refuses to speak to her and publicly vows to find a noble wife before the year is out. Despite her heartbreak, Marlow is still intent on breaking his compulsion curse. To do so, she’ll have to play loving daughter to the man who cast it—the man who’s hellbent on reshaping Caraza in his own image, no matter the cost.

But the closer she gets to her long-lost father, the more Marlow starts to question if he’s really the villain she’s made him out to be. As the lines between enemy and ally blur, Marlow must decide if she’s willing to sacrifice her heart’s desire to save a city that wants her dead. This edge-of-your-seat finale is perfect for fans of Veronica Mars, These Violent Delights, and Chain of Iron.

Review:

A murder to fix, a forbidden romance, and a city on the brink of war... can things really work out for a curse breaker and her ex-fake boyfriend turned ex-fiance turned secret lover? Picking up where the first book left off, cursebreaker Marlow Briggs has to deal with the aftermath of her fake romance with one of the most powerful nobles in the Evergarden society... who just happens to be the same guy she's in love with and who was forced to murder his father by a curse her own father put on him... oops. Marlow covered for Adrius and said she was the one to stab his father, when in fact he was cursed and forced to do so by her own recently discovered father, a powerful figure in the noble society... who now wants to show her off to society and literally create a spell to take over and control the entire society. To make matters more complicated Adrius's sister Amara is threatening to have Marlow killed if he does to find a wife and he has to stop speaking or seeing Marlow forever... but the feelings between Marlow and Adrius are finally unleashed and they can't stay away from one another despite everything working against them. Marlow and Adrius must find a way to not only find a way to be together but to stop Marlow's father, find Adrius's dad, and find a way to acquit Marlow from the crime her father committed. Nobody said being in love would be easy but for a cursebreaker like Marlow, she's going to have to find a way to break the deadliest curse of all and survive it. I actually loved this book so much, I was so surprised by how much fun I had with this one and it definitely picked up from the first book. The second book was such a fun way to end the series and I really appreciated the growth in the relationship between Marlow and Adrius. The mystery was fun and with such high stakes the story felt so fast moving and interesting. I would definitely recommend this series to fans of second chance romance, fantasy, and action packed stories!

Release Date: June 18, 2024

Publication/Blog: Ash and Books (ash-and-books.tumblr.com)

*Thanks Netgalley and Macmillan Children's Publishing Group | Henry Holt and Co. (BYR) for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

[multi-royalty]

🌵, 🌼 & 🪵

TIME FOR SOME POSITIVITY * send a symbol and i'll recommend my favorite rp blogs!

send 🌵 and i'll recommend a canon rp blog

@kingmakercastle - Lucien Castle is so safe in your hands and I'm lucky to have you to interact with FOR REAL because I was wanting a Lucien for a while and then you popped up and he's just perfect

@langdhon - I have to mention Ava's Michael Langdon, I love everything about him and I'm so glad to have her as an Rp partner and friend!

send 🌼 and i'll recommend a blog with beautiful writing

@hybrid-royalty - honestly he has Klaus captured so well I'm convinced Joseph is locked up in his basement. Chefs kiss.

@causestragedy - I LOVE LOVE their portrayal of Amara, and I really hope they come back soon because yall deserve to see the way they write

send 🪵 and i'll say a positive thing about my own blog

you guys never fail to spin this back so I have to be nice to myself LOL , but I feel like I have a good few of my characters down pretty well at this point??? is that okay to say.. idk .. i just love Caroline and Madison with my whole being

[semper-legens]

99. The Wolf Den, by Elodie Harper

Owned?: No, library Page count: 452 My summary: Amara is the lowest of the low. A slave and a prostitute at one of Pompeii's most notorious brothels, she's had to fight to stay alive and stay ahead of the game. Buying her freedom is an impossibility. So if Amara ever wants to return to the blissful past where she lived and breathed free, she's going to need all her wits about her. My rating: 4/5 My commentary:

This was another random find on the shelves at work. My entry to being interested in history generally, and historical fiction specifically, was through Ancient Rome - long-time readers of this blog might remember me talking about the Roman Mysteries series, something I adored as a kid and still hold a lot of affection for. I haven't, however, read much fiction about ancient Rome meant for adults. But when this book crossed my path, I knew I wanted to check it out. The author wanted to shed light onto an aspect of Ancient Roman (or more accurately, ancient Pompeiian) society that is not spoken of as often - not just the lot of the woman, the slave, or the sex worker, but someone who is all three. And that makes this a really interesting novel in and of itself. I really enjoyed it, to the point that I tracked down the other two books in this trilogy and I'm gonna read them next!

I'm gonna talk about sex work, sexual slavery, rape, and other forms of sexual assault and harassment under the cut, so please be warned.

Our protagonist is Amara, a headstrong young woman who was born free, having been sold when her father died and her mother could no longer keep the family afloat. She was originally a concubine, but was bought by a pimp and became a sex worker. She's shrewd but struggles with despair, recognising that she's never going to be able to buy herself out of slavery and that she will need to be careful if she wants to survive. Amara consistently butts against her own morality. She takes loans from women for her predatory loan shark pimp, knowing he's exploiting them but needing her cut of the take. She makes opportunities for herself and the other girls, knowing she's putting them into danger. And that's the push and pull of Amara's character, she's trying to harden her heart to get the best she can out of life, but hates herself for it. It's a very realistic depiction of a person forced to the absolute edge by her circumstances, forced into making choices that she may or may not be able to live with just so that she can survive another day. It's notable that, as cold as Amara can be at times, your sympathy remains with her. Even when she's doing her most ruthless actions, you understand why and how she's been forced to this point. It's a tragedy, not a villain narrative, and the story understands and balances that really well.

Ancient Rome was not a nice place to live. Particularly as a slave. One thing I really admired about this book was its depiction of how slavery might have worked from the experience of an enslaved person. Amara is a commodity, her body is not her own, and neither is her life. Even when she is legally freed, she's still beholden to a patron as a concubine, hiding any true emotions she might have about him in order to play the fragile bird he wants to see. The girls are very matter-of-fact about how awful their lot in life is. We have Dido, a beautiful girl born free who doesn't take well to her life; Britannia, a fiery Briton who resists and rebels; Cassia, a woman worn down by years of forced sex work and losing a child that she kills herself; Paris, son of an enslaved sex worker who is forced into the same trade; Victoria, who is almost gaslit into loving Felix, their pimp. Even Felix has had a hard life. Also the son of an enslaved sex worker, he was abused as a child and young man - but that doesn't justify treating the girls the same way. But that's normalised in their society. Sexual abuse and harassment of enslaved women was normal and encouraged for freeborn men; the same for younger enslaved men. I think this book does a really good job of showing that, in a lot of these cases and particularly under Ancient Roman thinking, sexual assault like this isn't really about sex, it's about power. Men use their power over Amara constantly - they rape her, they force her into situations where she is powerless, they hurt and abuse her. She ends up having to attach herself to a rich patron in order to have a hope of getting away - and she's lucky he's not violent or abusive himself. But still. There's a man, Menander; another Greek like Amara, he's enslaved by a potter, and he and Amara strike up a genuine romance. Of sorts. They can barely ever meet and exchange notes via graffiti, and see each other maybe one every few months. And in the end, Amara is faced with a choice when Menander approaches her at a festival with a beautiful, thoughtful gift…in front of her new patron, Rufus. She scorns Menander and breaks the gift. And it breaks her heart! But Menander can't offer her freedom, can't offer her a way out of the Wolf Den, can't offer her anything but love. But Amara needs safety. So she makes her choice. It's a tragedy, but this is the lack of autonomy that enslaved people had in this era. And it's shown very organically and engagingly here.

The only real thing I have to criticise here is the writing style. Sometimes it's a little too plain or obvious - stating what a character is feeling or thinking directly when showing it might have been more effective, that sort of thing. It's not a dealbreaker for me, I still enjoyed the book, but it's something I kept noticing. The narrative also makes the choice not to actually depict any of the sex, which is fair enough as a choice (I get not wanting to over-eroticise or sexualise the abuse and exploitation that Amara and the others at the brothel experience) but does sometimes ring a little hollow in the specific choices made. Like, there's a few instances where Amara is mentioned as using her 'tricks', but the fact that we never learn what they are or what's actually going on…it just makes the author sound like she doesn't know what that might have been, and is just awkwardly papering over the cracks? It's awkward, I think that's the word I mean. Again, not a dealbreaker, and I totally understand the motivation there, it's just a little clunky in the wider context of the narrative.

Next, not too far away in subject, although a leap into the future. It's 1710 - welcome to Mother Clap's.

[decaying-rose-petals]

writeblr intro!

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hiya! mikoto back at it again! your nothing-out-of-the-ordinary neighbor who's mentally fine, indeed.

about this blog!

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this is a blog reserved for chapters of my wip, decaying rose petals. this book has been in my head for over two years yet i can't finish it for some stupid reason a few parts might've gone unedited so please ignore that.

i will sometimes post oc facts, albeit it might be too much (imagine having your own writing as your special interest, totally not me haha uhh).

i'll also share some of my writing playlists (if i can).

synopsis!

[large text: synopsis!]

"I won't allow myself to be afraid anymore."

What does it take to realize the purpose of one's self? Of course, they would have to fulfill their rose before they turn 18. Along the path of flames, they might have some fun and exciting adventures!

In the bright town of Crostwitz, there lives a humanoid squid named Amara Schulze. With a heart full of ambition and a delicate psyche, she strives to fulfill her rose, in which she has to protect her loved ones without any of them dying.

Even if it's harrowing to lose something little by little, Amara promises 'herself' to never stay a bystander and will do her best to prevent nightmarish incidents from happening.

genres!

[large text: genres!]

fantasy

psychological

comedy

drama

coming-of-age

[extra subgenres: allegorical fantasy, magical realism]

credits + main blog!

[large text: credits + main blog!]

dividers credit: @animatedglittergraphics-n-more

main blog: @reveristmikoto

disclaimers!

[large text: disclaimers!]

i didn't mention this in my main blog, but i have mood swings and i don't get jokes easily. use tone-tags if you're talking to me (moots and friends are exceptions).

[awrote]

burning bridges comes easy. silas has always chosen his own needs over everyone else's but when it comes to amara, she comes first. heavy breathing causes his chest to rise and fall as scott picks himself off the floor and says his peace. in spite of the heartfelt words, a scoff falls out of his mouth. loved, yeah sure. if he loved either of them he would kept his mouth shut and had a smidge of nerve to bow out gracefully. but no, he had to bring in ruby. misery loves company. maybe that might put both silas and amara in bad light but at least they won't be woebegone. they'll have each other to lean on when shit hits the fan.

as the cold bag of broccoli touches his sore eye, a sharp hiss escapes his lips. a black eye that is going to be asked about by everyone who knows them before they connect the dots and see scott's battered lip. green eyes turn to meet amara's brown ones, "no," he answers before adding, "but you have to admit, he definitely deserved it." the blond draws in a deep breath, reaching for her free hand and giving it a squeeze. "come to think of it, it's not such a terrible thing. the cat's out of the bag."

his phone dinged and a message from ruby appeared on his lock screen. "and that must be her." silas reaches to pick it up and reads through it, "shit!" he bites down on his lower lip and continues to repeat the word under his breath. "she found out how i got into harvard and—" a picture of them kissing outside of amara's apartment is attached, "she submitted an article on about you." a gossip blog popular among the harvard elite where students anonymously submit stories and depending on how scandalous they are, get posted.

if silas and amara didn’t share the connection they did, perhaps scott’s words would have registered as a real warning. except the truth was that it wouldn’t make a difference what he said. he couldn’t put fear in her heart. for whatever silas was guilty of, so was she; and the first time around, they were kids. there were insecurities at play that wouldn’t matter now. his family and their approval? she couldn’t have cared less. if any of them were still going to worry what her intentions were, amara was ready to tell them. she’s been with silas since they were five years old. nothing was going to change that.

amara couldn’t stop it all from unraveling. the more scott added to the fire, the less silas was willing to go out quietly. it was hard to listen to her ex-boyfriend, able to see the past three years through a new lens. she could remember what he was talking about: the months she and silas felt off because he rarely ‘had the time’ to spend together. it was avoidance, she knew, before scott even called it out. both because she had felt the same way as silas did and because they’d discussed it themselves. when their eyes meet past scott’s accusations, there’s an apology behind amara’s. she wants to say she’s sorry, to both of them, for letting it get like this. she should have been braver, sooner.

but before she can, the restraint silas had been trying to enforce — snaps. they stumble backwards as scott takes a hit to the jaw; staying in step with one another as more punches fly. scott’s fist meets silas’ eye first before he takes a hold of his shoulders, thrusting the blond back against an opposing wall. amara’s yells go unheard until suddenly, scott buckles to the floor. it’s enough of a window for her to move between them, stopping silas before either male can do more damage.

“stop,” she warns, both hands placed against his chest until she feels his body slacken. scott remains on the ground. his heavy, labored breaths were the only sound in the room. when amara turns from silas, scott looks up. heartbreak finally registers in his face; from losing amara and his friend within the span of an hour.

she offers to help him up, extending a hand only to have it ignored as scott rises on his own. “you know, i loved both of you,” he notes, clearly defeated. amara fights back tears, allowing nothing more than a gloss to cover her eyes. “it’s fucking ridiculous that it’s ending like this. but you were right, silas, i could see it coming.” he grasps the pain of his jaw, glancing away from the couple in order to take a final look at the scene. things would be different from now on. there was no going back.

he leaves the apartment without saying another word, leaving a hollow guilt in the pit of amara’s stomach. when she faces silas again, she sees a bruise has already begun to bloom beneath his eye. “did you have to fight him?” she asks before moving to the groceries he’d brought in, able to find a bag of frozen broccoli to put against his face. amara does so carefully, wincing along with silas as the cold touches his skin.

[mittensmorgul]

So for the most part, I outright reject the finale. But I do think, in light of the whole "Jimmy was supposed to be in the bar, and Dean was disappointed by that because his perfect heaven would have Cas in it" just makes me all the more convinced that the final episode was some kind of djinn dream. Like.... There's no other explanation in my opinion. If Dean's perfect heaven was supposed to have Cas, and he tragically gets faked out by Jimmy (????? Why tf would jimmy be there anyway), it just proves that it's not ACTUALLY heaven. That, along with he El Sol beer he's drinking is all the evidence I need. I think after 15x19, Dean and Sam got whammied by some monster, and are stuck in a hallucination, and that's what we're seeing. (My headcanon is that it's actually The Empty doing it, because it knows if it doesn't keep Dean and Sam occupied and spinning in circles, they'll invade the Empty to save Cas. So its trying to prevent that) :)

Hello, anon friendo! I am gonna start by offering the socially distanced version of a high five, because yeah... There is just so much to unpack here, and you provided such a succinct and all-encompassing series of statements to start from. Thank you!

*flings open array of questionable suitcases*

First off, Congrats on having rejected the finale. I know a lot of folks are still struggling with that one, for many reasons. But you have hit upon so many of the points I’ve been trying to make about the finale since it aired. I’d just like to start with some of the assumptions I’ve heard from folks about the finale that make it impossible for me to consider it fully honestly canon. Because so much about it just makes no goshdang sense... like... not at all...

One of the biggest issues I have surrounding the reception of the finale in parts of fandom is that it portrayed a “happy ending.” The show itself spent the entire final season telling us that a gravestone marked Winchester was not and never would be a happy ending (thank you Becky Rosen-- words I never thought I’d say, but honestly and most sincerely meant). Let’s break this down a bit.

Starting from the assumption that “heaven was fixed” so that characters could have true free will there, making it satisfying in any way that Dean died so young and never got to truly experience happiness during life, I would like anyone who has adopted this attitude to then explain Kansas the band. I mean... explain that in any satisfactory canon-compliant way. (hint: you can’t. it makes zero sense in canon, if heaven is truly reformed and “happy” with everyone in possession of free will.)

Which brings me to Misha’s comments about Jimmy being in the Roadhouse. Why, if heaven were truly fixed, would Jimmy ever in a bazillion years attend a party for Dean Winchester? If Heaven were truly a “happy” ending for Dean, why introduce this element of eternal tragedy and heartbreak to his heaven experience? Why taunt him with the eternal loss of Cas-- even if you don’t think he reciprocated Cas’s romantic feelings, he was canonically the best friend Dean ever had, and being forced to exist forever in a place where he had everyone else he ever cared for except for Cas? Is frankly horrific.

How the actual fuck is that a happy ending, in any sense of the word?

How is this the sort of heaven that Dean would’ve made for himself before it was “fixed?” At least in the memorex heaven, he could’ve lived in oblivious peace with Cas, even if it was always just his own memories and not ~actually Cas~. I honestly think that would’ve been happier than the abject tragedy of what we did get, and what we would’ve gotten had the original script played out.

All of this kind of makes me wonder if they ever even actually defeated Chuck. Like... it feels more like Dean got pulled into the Empty at that moment with Cas and Billie, and everything else after that point was the Empty’s endless experience of sorrow and despair we knew it subject its charges to. So that’s one potential for what could’ve actually happened. I mean, everything about the finale was sorrow and despair, you know? Dean didn’t even get to enjoy his pie at a pie festival because Sam smashed in in his face. How is any of it happy, in any way?

Because if that was actually heaven, there wasn’t actually any free will (because why tf would Kansas the band have chosen to put on that concert? why tf would Jimmy have been there, just to torment Dean with the taunt of Cas returning to him only to have that hope snatched away again? It’s cruel. It’s, in fact, a source of intense despair).

The djinn theory could also work, and I’ve read some excellent fix-it fic using that as a premise. But that doesn’t really explain what happened to Jack (and Amara, since she was in there with them) after hoovering up Chuck’s power, you know? I think the simplest explanations in canon are that Chuck actually won via the unified power of Light and Dark being transferred into Jack and effectively using him as a vessel. With Sam and Dean convinced they’d won, they effectively stopped resisting Chuck’s story for them, and using Jack’s understanding of humanity and the Winchesters specifically, Chuck finally was able to implement a version of his story that the Winchesters would just waltz into without thinking it was supernaturally influenced at all. Going bigger and bigger with monsters and cosmic troubles hadn’t worked, but going so small Sam and Dean would barely even notice the influence-- even with the incongruous reappearance of a vampire that appeared in their lives once, for like two whole minutes 15 years ago, and an unsolved case from the journal from more than 30 years ago that John had never even linked to vampires at all.

At this point, I need to mention that I’m watching 10.23 as I type this up. An episode in which we confront the Mark, along with Death, and Dean’s despair, where he learns a version of the truth (but by no means the full truth, or even accurate truth in some respects) about Chuck’s Story, Amara/The Darkness, etc. That would unfold more fully over the next five seasons. And what was the case Dean took in this episode? Vampires. LOLOL omg this show is nothing if not horrifically consistent, yes?

So because of this, I went haring off through my own blog looking for a post I made a long time ago about the symbolism of how various monsters are used on this show (because again, consistency). I got sidetracked by other posts in my monsters tag, including this from after 15.09 aired, which feels particularly awfully relevant. This was my reaction to Chuck’s Story he showed Sam in that episode, about what the future would look like should he successfully trap Chuck with a Mark, and which... yeah is basically exactly thematically consistent with what we saw in the finale, right down to a cheesy twist on vampires. Read the whole post right here, but this is the part that reached up and punched me in the face:

this is how Dean personally reacts when he loses Cas. We know how he reacts when he loses anyone else– think about what he did when Charlie died. He went on a murder rampage against the Stynes for killing her. When Mary died he broke some furniture and went full bore toward both resurrecting her and stopping Jack. But without Cas, Dean loses the will to fight. Sam has… always been different. He referenced Jess in 15.04 to remind us of how he was after she died in the pilot episode. Just like John, he picked up the revenge mission and ran with it. But for Dean, Cas is different. Without Cas… Dean gives up.

Because... Dean gave up. Sure, he and Sam weren’t overrun by vampires in the end. Chuck knew they’d never stop fighting the monsters, one way or another. The only way to get Dean to give up is something Chuck hadn’t quite figured out yet... maybe not until after 15.17, after confronting Cas in the hallway of the bunker, after absorbing Amara’s power, knowledge, and perspective on Dean.

Chuck needed Dean to give up, and honestly? Pushing Billie to clear him off the table and send him (and Cas, that pesky angel who never did what he was told) to the Empty would’ve been a direct way to deal with that... pretty much akin to having one sibling locked in a cage forever, yes?

Also, still looking through my monsters tag, I’m reminded of 14.15, and still cannot differentiate the version of Heaven in 15.20 from what was done to the people of that town. This... is not... paradise. This is actively what Dean has been insisting is the OPPOSITE of paradise since like… 4.22… No ending where Dean was a “Stepford bitch in paradise” ever had the possibility of being “happy,” at the core of things, and this “fixed” version of Heaven just doesn’t hold up to any degree of inspection. Something is seriously wrong here. https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/183465650390/so-can-we-talk-about-this-monster-of-the-week-for

And since I was unable to find the post I wrote who knows how long ago about Monsters and how they’re symbolically used on Supernatural to represent larger themes in the episode, I’ll just attempt to sum up what Vampires have been used for. Revenge. Vampires are always, in some way connected to themes of revenge.

(and hooray, I found at least a post adjacent to the one I’ve spent the last four hours trying to find... https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/187207052080/i-obviously-did-not-think-this-through, where I mention that shapeshifters are about revealing hidden truths (mostly about Dean since most shapeshifters are connected to Dean), zombies are about grief and the inability to move past it.)

So why... why at the end of their road is the monster that comes after them-- literally FOR REVENGE for something that had never been blamed on Sam or Dean to begin with, from season 1, directly connected to John’s revenge mission and the first time they learned about the Colt AND the first time they learned in canon that Vampires were even real... like... this feels very specifically like some kind of layers-of-meta levels of shade on them, you know? Vampires are for revenge, so what vengeance exactly is being visited upon Sam and Dean in this episode? If not Chuck’s entire story for them itself?

So yeah, 100% agree, something is incredibly rotten in the finale. And I am sick to effing death of people trying to convince us that anything about this was “good” or “happy” or “satisfying” in any way. Or even “how it was always supposed to end” with Dean dead bloody, as if the entire back half of the series hadn’t been suggesting that a true win was the subversion of all of Chuck’s story for them, and Dean finally being able to have his chosen family all alive, happy, and chilling on a beach somewhere watching the sunset. Nothing will ever convince me that the ending portrayed in 15.20 wasn’t exactly how Chuck thought he “won,” rendering it entirely irrelevant to the rest of canon, unless all of canon was ultimately the tragedy we’d been encouraged to believe would be firmly defeated in the end.

Folks, you can’t have it both ways. 

[demonologist-in-denim]

If season 12+ had gone differently, I would have really loved to see Crowley get a French Mistake episode. Especially since we know Amara came back to earth and spent her time playing craps in Reno or whatever, her and Crowley’s paths cross again, and she needs him out of the way for whatever’s going down with the Winchesters and Chuck, but also maybe kinda wants to thank him for “raising” her. So, *snap*, she sends him to a French Mistake alternative universe.

There are no monsters, no magic, no demons here. Certainly no Hell to run. Just a very familiar narrative written as a tv show, and it’s the summer hiatus. What’s Crowley to do? He’s got no powers, no plan, no immediate way back. So he decides to just try and enjoy life, see what happens. Enjoys having a loving wife, and kids that adore him, a family. Enjoys how much people apparently love this Mark Sheppard gent. Crowley might have been born to direct, but he can act, at least for a little while. Long enough to soak up all of this.

And he can’t help but look himself up, read what the fans are saying about him. He’s not surprised there are fans that consider him sexy, or that there are fans who still consider him a monster. But he doesn’t know what to make of all the spn fans out there who consider him loveable. He reads fanfiction, in which he morphs from a monster into a man, into a hero. Into one of the boys. He reads the blog posts and the meta posts and the long ranting discourse about how he deserved better and who he could have been. He looks at himself in the mirror, and tries to see what they see. Wants to be who the fans believe he could be.

And because right now who he has to be is Mark, he goes to spn conventions. He attends the panels and takes the photo ops. The fans shower him with love, with appreciation, with encouragement. It’s a little unsettling, a little awkward at first. Lucky for Crowley, Mark has always been short and teasing with the fans. He’s able to make it work, lets himself laugh a little, learns to lean into the hugs, return the smiles. He meets the fans who talk about how much Crowley the character helps them, even though he can’t seem to help himself. They talk about how much they empathize with him, love him, want a happy ending for him as the series comes to a close. Crowley feels equally seen and misunderstood in turns. He’s torn between gratitude and irritation, and settles for feeling smug about his popularity.

He walks the convention floor and sees all the fan-made plushies, the posters and stickers, all the t-shirts and pins and magnets with “Morons!” and “You’re good, but I’m Crowley” and “I just want to be loved.” There are even a few, stupidly flattering “Sold my soul to save Crowley’s”. An endless array of fan art, endless imagings in fanfiction and headcanons about his character and his past and his present and his hoped-for future. There is so much of it that Crowley begins to actually hope these fans and their silly indulgence in fandom isn’t in vain. A lifetime ago, he could have bought all their souls in a single night, with the mere promise that their devotion could manifest reality. Now, he feels strangely protective of them all.

Crowley stumbles but manages to catch himself in meeting the Winchester dopplegangers. He’s unprepared for the way that Jared teases him, Jensen and Misha include him, hug him, ask how he’s been and when are we getting together again, man? Maybe never, Crowley thinks to himself. Maybe, maybe I’ll never go back.

But the Winchesters and Castiel in his world are demanding to know just what the Hell Amara did with their no-longer-so-reluctant ally and frenemy. And she rolls her eyes and raises her perfectly manicured fingers and *snap*. And Crowley finds himself back. Back in his own world, back where no one loves him, and no laughs at his jokes, no one writes for him a happier ending than the one he’s likely to get. And then Dean says hey man, you okay? We were worried. And Crowley thinks to himself, maybe this world really is just a television show, or maybe it’s some greater being’s shitty draft, or even just someone’s piece of fanfiction. Maybe his ending has already been written. But he owes it to himself – and his fans – to try to be that better self. So he smiles at Dean, cockily, affectionately. And says, it’s good to be home.