#am i taking questions at this time about the journal history? ........maybe

[whoslaurapalmer]

I think everyone should do something a little silly. I have once again resurrected my middle school era journals where I wrote out of character self insert script style fic, because it's silly!!!! and that's fun!!!! and it's good to write weird shit on the fly sometimes. does it pain me to write so out of character? YES. but are they CONSISTENT in their out of character-ness?? somehow, by god yes. middle school!me created a solid out of character vibe. also it's naruto characters (couldn't be anything else. it's the history. like, i could never do it with lemony.) and what's even character, there. kishi wishes itachi and deidara were in a jazz band!!

[silverskye13]

I am turning EB around in my head like a microwave and I have a couple questions:

What is EB and EX's relationship like? I know they view each other as family and EX gets EB's booth, but will we see how they interact more?

Did anyone wind up telling EB that hels!zedaph is dead? If not, does he have suspicions that he is?

and a more general Hels question (that is totally not related no siree) - what is the upkeep for the remembrance walls like?

EB and EX are on friendly terms! They previously saw each other,,, not as rivals in the traditional sense. They didn't openly attack or oppose each other. But EB viewed EX as a challenge: How do I stay distinct from my brother's shadow? Anyone looking for it would find it obvious. EB got Bigger and Louder whenever EX was around, and he used to be much bigger and much louder than he currently is. It's less that he was mean, and more that he was prideful. Becoming friends with Helsknight changed him for the better in that regard. Since he's mellowed out, he and his brother have become closer. They enjoy visiting with each other during Colosseum matches [EB will often stand with EX in the box and talk both before the events, and during intermission] and EX invites EB to a lot of parties, where they shit talk the guests together. We'll see them together once during RnS, but EB is a secondary character, and outside of the one appearance, I don't intend to have EX very involved in the story. He's kind of the unspoken god of the world: he gets a lot of mentions because he's very important to hels, but he's not very important to the plot lol.

Someone did wind up telling EB about hels!zedaph, though yes, he did suspect before he was told. EB hadn't gone looking for HZ for a reason. He didn't want to be the one to find out he was gone. If I can't see it, maybe its not really there.

And the Remembrance Wall Ramble got long so its under the cut!

[Hello future me cutting in here because I just realized you were probably talking about what individuals like EB would do to upkeep a name of a loved one. Mostly it involves regular visits. Keeping the stone clean, replacing it if it gets cracked, making sure it doesn't wear down. Nether bricks to me are a bit brittle, and the ones on the bottoms of the walls will crumble and break down over time. Most of the time, the Order of Remembrance is pretty good at getting them replaced, though they encourage individuals to do it themselves, to decorate the stones, paint or carve them, and overall keep the care personal. People will also sometimes leave gifts of food, flowers, and favored items at walls where loved ones names are kept. Walls are very colorful spots in hels, full of a lot of care.]

The Remembrance walls are, basically, graveyards. Alongside friends and family, who will make sure loved ones names are put down and remembered, the Order of Remembrance manages all Remembrance Walls in the city. We'll get into it a little in the upcoming chapters, but the Order of Remembrance church, and its knights, have a very active presence in hels. They are the cloaks seen most often roaming the streets, in twos and threes. They have regular routes they walk, with walls they are assigned to tend. They make sure the stones are stacked straight and don't fall, replace broken ones, and help people carve names. Many knights have prayer chants where they intentionally try to memorize every name on the wall. Their focus is on the idea that no helsmet is truly gone as long as some memory remains of them. They welcome helsmets approaching them with fond memories of loved ones, and will take testimony from people who know their time is coming. Their church is a glorified library and house of memorization. Part of their worship in remembrance of people is also in the remembrance of history, and they have at least one copy of every book, memoir, and journal in hels they can get their hands on. They have one private collection in the church, and one public library in hels, which they regularly update with copies of originals from the church library.

The only place outside the Order of Remembrance's domain is the shady side of town where Cleo's gangs keep the peace. For control reasons, Cleo doesn't like any opposing force on her claimed land, which includes Order of Remembrance knights. She does still have Remembrance Walls on her side of town, but they are up-kept by the people that live there as a community project. People get together once every few weeks, make food, talk about those that are gone, and make sure none of the stones are broken or stolen.

Erasing memory is a big taboo in hels, understandably. The universe is already cruel enough in taking people, and people, once taken, are woefully easy to forget [they were never meant to exist in the first place, after all]. On the sides of town where the Order of Remembrance upkeeps the walls, anyone caught stealing or destroying stones is tracked down by their paladins, and subjected to community service under close supervision. They're often roughed up in the process, but the paladins won't kill you for breaking a stone. Depending on whose stone you break, and how angry hels is that day, the same can't be said for anyone else who catches you. Repeat offenders, or people who destroy many stones at once with the express intent of erasing memory, are branded by the Order with a mark somewhere visible, normally on the hands. Anyone with that unlucky brand will see increased hostility from their peers, ostricization, lost of livelihood and home -- it's a great way to make everyone in hels hate you. Anyone on Cleo's side of town caught destroying a stone is hunted actively in the streets, and leaving her side of town will not save them. She offers high bounties for that kind of thing.

[cookinguptales]

God, so. This is a story I haven't told in a while, so it'll probably be new to a lot of my followers.

This morning I got my kudos email and saw one for a fic I didn't recognize. I puzzled over this for a few minutes, then clicked on it and immediately remembered everything I'm about to tell you.

"Oh right," I said. "This is what happened the last time I fell down a research rabbit hole while writing original fiction."

The long and short of it is this: I used to do a Halloween fic exchange every year, and one year someone requested "dinosaur ghost." I was immediately like "that sounds fun!" and then, approximately three seconds later, remembered an article I'd read recently.

(This is me, unfortunately.)

A long time ago, there was this kind of mad rush for dinosaur skeletons to put in museums. (The Bone Wars, if you're familiar.) The Carnegie Museum ended up finding an Apatosaurus skeleton, but at that time, no one knew what that skeleton was supposed to look like. The researchers argued quite a bit about it and, despite the fact that they'd actually found the correct skull during the dig, attached the cast of a skull of a Camarasaurus to it instead. This skeleton had the wrong skull for decades until the mistake was realized and eventually switched out for the right skull in the 1970s.

This left me with an appealing, sort of whimsically romantic idea: what would it be like, if dinosaur bones are haunted? And what would it be like if two ghosts were being forced to inhabit the same dinosaur skeleton?

So I decided that I wanted to write this story about this mismatched skeleton and the ghosts that haunted it, but in order to do that properly, I had to find out what happened to that Camarasaurus skull after the Apatosaurus was properly reassembled.

Friends, I fell down the fucking rabbit hole. I looked at the museum's website. I was looking in journals. I was on Google looking at families' vacation photos so I could get a better look at the exhibits in the museum.

I was down bad.

In the end, I gave in and emailed the museum. Like... this is a weird question, but is there anyone who could tell me what happened to the Camarasaurus skull that used to be on display with the Apatosaurus?

I wasn't expecting a reply, really. Maybe an intern would email me back with an apology. If I got really lucky, a docent might actually know what I was talking about.

Imagine my surprise when I get back an email from an actual fucking paleontologist. He is not just happy to tell me what happened -- he is thrilled. He was excited that someone was even asking these questions, and I didn't even almost have the heart to tell him why I'd asked.

Now... I'll take a moment here to say that I am actually interested in museum studies. I'm super interested in the way we teach science, the way we teach science history, and the history of how we've taught that history. I took classes on it in college, in fact. I tried to take paleontology, too. I even took all the preqs and everything. I just couldn't get it into my schedule in the end.

So when a literal fucking paleontologist emails me to talk to me about these things, I sit up in my seat. I want to seem like I am On The Level. I reply to this man with my academic email address.

OH MY GOSH, he says. YOU WENT TO PENN? I WENT TO PENN!

Oh no. Oh no. I am in too deep. I am in way too deep. This kind, charmingly enthusiastic paleontologist cannot know that I am writing a quasi-homoerotic dinosaur ghost love story. He can't.

So I talk to him about my own field of study because I desperately want to sound like a real scholar and not like this is research for my AO3 account. (Even though it is.) We have a very nice conversation. He tells me everything I need to know and then some.

Apparently, I was right when I'd suspected that I'd seen a Camarasaurus skull in some of the photos of the exhibit. He was pleased I'd noticed. But it wasn't the same one that was on display with the Apatosaurus skeleton.

The real Apatosaurus skull was too fragile to be put on display, so they made a cast of it instead and mounted that on the skeleton in the exhibit. The real skull is being kept in the Big Bone Room, which is what they call their fossil storage. The cast of the Camarasaurus skull? Even though it was just a cast, it was still kept for posterity. It is also being stored in the BBR along with the skull of the Apatosaurus. And the real Camarasaurus skull that the cast was based on is now displayed near the Apatosaurus skeleton in the exhibit.

So both parts of the skeleton are now with a new version of their old friend, and they'll never be alone again. I don't think I could have designed a more romantic, bittersweet ending if I'd tried.

I write my fic. It's lovely, in my opinion, and exactly what I wanted it to be. It's about love and friendship and the sort of wistful affection you feel for friends who have gone and those you have just met.

I do not speak to the paleontologist again.

To this day, I am deeply relieved that he never found out what I was up to, but also sort of curious to know if he would've liked it if he'd read it. I took some extreme scientific liberties while writing my quasi-f/f dinosaur ghost fic (shocking, I know) so probably not. lmao

You never know, though! Some academics are into some super weird shit! Like me!

So I guess I always feel kind of wistful about the fic, too.

Anyway... Here's the Carnegie Museum's page about the Apatosaurus/Camarasaurus skeleton.

And here's the story I wrote about them:

Something Borrowed 💜🦕

[study-with-aura]

Tuesday, September 10, 2024

I didn't have time to work on my reflective essay today, but that's okay. I can work on it Sunday if I need to. A lot is going on Sunday, but I will have a bit of time here and there to take a look at it.

Maybe I have too much in a day that I need to get done along with my extracurriculars. Then again, if my day wasn't packed, I would be lost. That happened some this summer, which is why outside of camp weeks, I kept adding things to do and creating schedules. Yes, I am a schedule and list person. I do allow room for flexibility, but I really love my lists and color coded schedules!

The next three days are my busiest, so if I do not post, that is why. I will do my best as I enjoy writing about the day!

Tasks Completed:

Algebra 2 - Completed worksheet on applications of systems of linear equations

American Literature - Copied vocabulary terms + read about Henry David Thoreau's "Civil Disobedience" + read an excerpt from "Civil Disobedience" + typed up a response to literature (30/30)

Spanish 3 - Practiced reading my dialogue from yesterday + read the dialogue out loud to my dad (25/25)

Bible 2 - Read 1 Kings 7

Early American History - Read about Maryland, Carolina, and Georgia + read more about the original 13 colonies + read excerpt from The Maryland Toleration Act of 1649 + answered question + explored a world major historical event timeline for this period of history

Earth Science with Lab - Answered questions from yesterday's reading

Music Appreciation - Watched the listening guide on Lutosławski's Concerto for Orchestra + listened to the concerto + wrote out a music description using music vocabulary

Khan Academy - Completed US History Unit 2: Lesson 2.7-2.8

Duolingo - Studied for approximately 30 minutes (Spanish + French + Chinese) + completed daily quests

Piano - 60-minute piano lesson + practiced for two hours

Reading - Read pages 154-180 of The Do-Over by Lynn Painter

Chores -  Laundry + took trash and recycling out

Activities of the Day:

September Study (John 14:13-14, 2 Corinthians 5:20, Matthew 28: 18-19, Galatians 5:22-23, 2 Peter 1:4-7, 1 Corinthians 2:16, Jude 1:24)

Personal Bible Study (Luke 1)

Ballet

Pointe

Journal/Mindfulness

[108garys]

Manny Sherman dialogue transcribed

I really enjoyed transcribing the little hope puritan dialogue a bit ago despite it being one heck of an undertaking and I've always wanted to do a similar thing on a much smaller scale(this time) so as an afternoon task I pulled up a video of the four Sherman tapes and typed out his on screen dialogue, it'll be good for writing him and better understanding his vocabulary and maybe some time around I'll do something a little more substantial like Randolph Hodgson's journal but that aside I feel Sherman's dialogue flows really well and does a great job with characterisation, can you believe there's barely more than a thousand words from him all up? Regardless I've tried to follow the in game captions on the video which can be a little hard at times due to white text on a grey background with the occasional white detail obscuring stuff but I believe I got it at least 99% accurate and beyond that I added in places in brackets that he laughed but not the uncaptioned sounds of him getting his ass kicked because I thought one added something and the other wouldn't(and here's the video I used)

(interrogation - tape 1)

Manny Sherman. Born January one. Nineteen fifty-six.

Come on, you already know all this. What do you want?

What's this?… Huh… You've been doing your research, haven't you Special Agent Munday?

What are my favorite television programs?

Describe my first pet.

What were your friends like as a child?

What is this?!

You taking a survey or you trying to learn something?

Would it kill you to be direct?

You wanted to know what inspired me? As if I wasn't an original?

Well… maybe there was one man I found myself a little fascinated by.

Henry. Howard. Holmes.

Why? Because he was numero uno.

America's first. The guy invented the trade. He set the benchmark, you know?

Learn your history, Munday. Read a book.

You think because I stuck a blade in some people and get off on it I'm not smart?

I, heh… 'allegedly'… killed 13 people before you got smart enough to find me…

__

(interrogation - tape 2)

…had to build my own little castle, just like Holmes did.

Most people like me do their business where their target lives. That's just asking to get caught.

Holmes had the right idea. It was all about the honeytrap.

You bring me some smokes? Like I asked?

Lucky Reds? Yes! These are like gold in here. Damn that's good. So yeah, the honey pot.

Holmes built a hotel about a mile from the World's Fair and CALLED it the World's Fair Hotel and bought ad space in the papers alongside ads for the expo.

Rubes from far and wide assumed it was the official hotel!

Ma and Pa Kettle take a train in from Nebraska, takes three days, they roll up into that joint ready to rest, get to their room… and whoops- what do ya know… Holmes had a gas pipe hidden under the bed and poisons them.

Or maybe he pulls a trap door on them.

Maybe he separates them and makes one watch through a window while he slits the other's throat.

That's the advantage of a honey pot: no shortage of targets.

That's why I picked all those houses north of the airport.

That whole neighborhood was scheduled for demolition and yet…

All those lovely realtor ladies must not have gotten the memo.

Call up as a contractor, tell them I'm flipping, have them meet me out there… and look at that… we're the only two people for miles.

The first couple times I'd wait for a plane to fly over, just to hide their screams, but…

after a while I realized they could scream as loud as they wanted.

No one was gonna hear a thing.

That's what I remember most.

Those screams.

You can try to understand why I am the way I am. You can forensic science up all the data you want.

But you'll never know… You'll never know, Munday… You'll never really know how it feels when you watch the fire burn out of somebody.

__

(interrogation - tape 3)

(laughter)

A whole carton this time? You trying to get on my good side or something?

Think I'll save them.

What? No questions? What's going on with you, Munday?

You seem different.

(laughter) I see that that glimmer in your eye, you little devil.

I can keep secrets, man… we all have them.

That prosecutor is trying to get numbers out of me. Know that?

Of course you know that. Numbers. They got Holmes for 27… but we know he was closer to 200, right?

Can you imagine that? I wish I'd had the time to try and beat that.

Sure they know about those nice realtor ladies… they got families after all.

But the numbers the D.A. is asking me about… I think he knows there's some people out there- rejects… misfits… the kind of people that when you see them coming you look the other way.

Does anyone notice if they go missing?

My father always told me to leave my mark on the world.

I never knew what he meant by that- not until I watched that first girl bleed out.

I call it art. That's my signature on society.

It's not murder, it's an aesthetic response to what this has world made me.

Ask people to list killers, and they'll drop five, ten on you before they can't think of any more.

Ask them to name the detectives that caught those killers- no one is going to say a damn thing.

No one knows them. No one cares.

No one makes movies about them.

No one puts their faces on t-shirts.

No one gives a shit.

(quiet chuckle)

I've left my mark on the world…

…have you?

__

(interrogation - tape 4)

You want to know what it means to be a killer?

You ever been to the art museum downtown?

They got this painting by a guy… forgot his name. Famous painter.

He did portraits of slaughtered cows hanging on hooks.

You take a normal person to a slaughterhouse and they will puke their guts out.

You make it into a painting and suddenly it's art.

There's no difference between the two. Not really.

Don't look at me like that. You know I'm right.

You get it. I know you get it.

You got to do something that matters. Make people feel something they've never felt before.

Shatter the illusion that any of us are really in control.

Think of the most profound thing you've ever done… the most beautiful thing you've ever created… and I promise you… it's nothing compared to watching the life bleed out of someone.

To see the fear in their eyes, to feel them pawing at you for release, to hear them pleading- begging…

That moment when someone realizes they are at their end…

That's when you feel it. That's true art.

That's what you have to be- an artist… a sculptor… an architect.

I see the gleam in your eye, Agent Munday, You're not fooling me.

Oh, look at you now, huh?

Am I going to be your first?

Well come on then- I'm right here.

This room is soundproof- you don't even have to wait for a plane to fly overhead.

There… There you are… I see you now.

Not bad… not bad at all.

Bare hands can feel good, huh?

But the blade makes for such a prettier picture.

You've got potential. Agent Munday…

If you truly want to be an artist.

__

@kassiekole22 @delurkr @ctrvpani @aydeenchan

@tinynightmarewoman @kindheartedgummybears @mybrainrotforreal (Know idea as ever with this character on who'd be interested in this but it was a good exercise at any rate)

[curiousitycollective]

I've been questioning on and off since i think, 2020? 2021? if im plural or not. At first i decided that no im not, because i dont have did/osdd/etc and I wasnt open to the idea of any other form of plurality bc it was always looked down upon. I stopped thinking about it for a while but more recently I've been having trains of thoughts that dont really feel like they belong to me: im not sure how to explain it, its not a voice, feels more like a thought that was placed into my mind but doesn't belong to *me*; but then i was thinking maybe im just personifying my intrusive thoughts etc + i have a history of experiencing paranoia/delusions too so, yk

We dont really switch either. I space out a lot (i do dissociate, im just quite confident i dont have any form of disordered plurality) and it occasionally it *feels* like im not in control but I know I still am. The most "out of control" i've felt was doing something and feeling that it was *influenced* by someone else, but not actually done by them. A lot of the things I thought were alters (back in 2021) were also more fragments of myself, I would say (minus one guy who's more distinct, but idk if im just making all of that up.)

I'm not asking you to tell me "yes, you are definitely plural" or "no definitely not" of course, I'm just wondering if there's any input or anything you could direct me with or anything ? ^^;

first sorry if you have been waiting on a reply, tumblr apparently isn't showing us notifications for asks anymore. Also our answer will be above the read more, and we'll stick some resources, blogs, ect under that we think might be helpful.

So a few things, starting with some general stuff for when you're questioning things plural and otherwise.

On the "am I making this up or not?" we encourage anyone whose questioning to distinguish between "making something up/faking it" and misinterpreting things when looking at their experiences.

If you aren't purposely forcing things or consciously creating them then you aren't making something up, you can misinterpret one thing as another but if you aren't trying to do something then you aren't making it up, making something up/faking it is a conscious choice.

We also encourage anyone questioning anything to worry less about "am I right about this lable?" and focus more on "does this label help me/make my life easier/explain things to me?" It takes the pressure off about being wrong and focusses on what the thing means to you specifically.

If you decide to identify as plural and find that no, this doesn't actually fit there's nothing wrong with going "nope not actually me" and continuing on with your journey.

We've gone through many different sets of identities and pronouns before we found what fits, because often the only way to know is to see if it works. The importance thing is to make sure that whatever you choose fits you, instead of you forcing yourself to fit it.

We definitely recommend journaling or doing some sort of tracking to see how you feel about different things over time. Honestly a small notebook you keep in your pocket and jot down any stray thoughts or influences would probably be a great start.

Its actually something we did when trying to sort out the influence of ocd from schizospec from plural. It can help you see patterns over time that would otherwise be really hard to spot and also having an external record helps avoid a lot of the pitfalls of human memory

Onto the more plural related stuff. So one thing to note is that its not at all uncommon to not directly hear anything or feel others beyond stray thoughts and feeling influences especially with plurals who aren't fully aware of being plural yet.

Internal communication often takes time and practice in order to become reliable. Its not something that you'll regularly see in plural communities online because by their nature most have some degree of awareness and internal communication, otherwise they wouldn't have sought out the community but it is completely normal.

Feeling like others in brain are versions of you, or fragments also is not uncommon. Its another experience that doesn't get spoken of on here but its one many have, smile/Wren/Ghost are some of our oldest members and started as alternate versions of each other before becoming more individual. Some find that as members become more aware and communicate improves members become more differentiated some stay the same, either way its not an unknown or weird experience.

One thing we highly recommend for you is looking into the median community and their experiences. Median falls under the plural umbrella but covers those who feel their system is less differentiated/closer to singlet.

Okay this is already huge and I think we hit on most points but please feel free to ask follow ups about anything we've said

- Everyone

Blogs

@median-culture-is

@multiplicity-positivity

@inclusiveplurality

@pluralpolls <— good for getting an idea of different experiences in the community

We'll also add our #accounts and narratives tag to this post, not everything is plural but its our tag for collecting different experiences so there's probably some stuff there that's useful

[cowherderess]

Tagged by @dollsome-does-tumblr and @imlorelai and @waywardted - thank you friends! :)

15 questions and 15 mutuals

Were you named after anyone? Yes, an old friend of my parents' who I don't think they're still in touch with, lol. I've never met her.

When was the last time you cried? Usually I cry at everything, and then my job killed me dead inside this spring– it sucked so extremely that I wanted to cry and physically could not, for months. But then the other day I watched Inside Out (i've spent my summer break so far rewatching things and eating too much chocolate) and Bing Bong's "take her to the moon for me" got me 😢 Progress. I think I might need to return to the early seasons of Call the Midwife to get back to my usual standard of 😭 

Do you have kids? No, but I want to someday, hopefully not too far off.

Do you use sarcasm a lot? Not a lot. A well-timed sarcastic remark can be funny, but too often and it gets old.

What's the first thing you notice about people? Usually what they are wearing, because I am bad at making eye contact!

What's your eye color? Hazel

Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings! I am such a wimp about scary movies.

Any special talents? I have a good memory for trivia, especially if it's about European history (especially European royalty), or etymology, or actors' filmographies. My family asks me all their random questions; I don't always know but when I don't, I look it up so I'm ready just in case it ever comes up again.

Where were you born? Washington DC

What are your hobbies? Reading, buying books, journaling, writing fic, knitting, drawing

Have any pets? One cat, my best lil buddy

What sports do you play/have you played? Nothing seriously. Rec soccer when I was maybe seven or eight.

How tall are you? Five foot six.

Favorite subject in school? Despite how much I like history extracurricularly, in school I'd have to say language. I studied French, Italian, Latin in K-12 and then Arabic in college.

Dream job? Stay-at-home mom.

Tagging: i think most people i would tag already have been, but what the heck. you don't have to fill it out twice :) @ohtendril @coachlasso @kittensittin @itsagutthing @freetobegrace @broadwayfreak5357 @blogfordantreacy @racheltuckerrr @sophiedevereavx @dee-thequeenbee @queenrikki @odakota-rose @hondagirll @pwfishing @lilyrowan1

[somerandommess]

Maxiel au. Media guy Daniel, driver Max.

Content warning: mpreg, mention of mpreg.

If you told past Daniel that in a couple of years he would have a child with Max Verstappen, he would have responded with “I wish”.

Daniel hasn’t always been in love with Max. No really. Sure he had a tiny, itsy-bitsy, minuscule, crush on him but in L-O-V-E with him? No. Not always. He’s only been in love with him from the time he had to capture some footage of post race Max. I mean, he couldn’t resist.

He thought this love was unrequited though. Despite his best friend, and camera man, Micheal telling him otherwise. Oh, and like half the paddock. He’s had to cut out a lot of footage just because of the drivers AND team principals, insinuating something about him and Max. Sometimes he questions why he chose journalism when he’s hunched over at 2 am editing footage of Christian Horner going “I don’t know what you and Max did recently but he’s been really happy and not yelling at the engineers, thanks for that,”

Nothing. He did nothing. All he did was walk and talk with Max to RedBull hospitality.

His interviews are always favorited. Fans and drivers alike enjoy his personality and the fact that he usually strays away from the regular performance questions. Drivers enjoy seeing his walk around on media day, and are usually in a good mood when they stand in-front of him post race.

Back to his unrequited, requited love.

Micheal says he doesn’t understand how Daniel didn’t realize sooner that Max was basically in love with him. His reason? Daniels first time hosting Grill the Grid. It had been a hit. Easily the most popular videos on the Formula 1 YouTube page. Everyone was enjoying themselves, answering questions freely and all the people involved said it was wonderful working with him. Micheal says that during the clips with Max, not only is Max NOT looking at the camera but at him, he claims that the entire time that questions weren’t being answered, Max was flirting with him.

He does have a point because as he sits in bed, sleeping baby on his chest, laptop next to him he realizes that yes, Max was looking at him. And as he passes their daughter to Max he asks if he was flirting and he answers "Of course. I thought I was being obvious"

Maybe he should have seen it sooner. Because it quite literally comes as a surprise when a few weeks later, Max asks him out, during an interview, live.

It goes something like this, because he was a little too shocked to remember all the details.

“If I win this race can I take you out to dinner?”

“I- what?” He laughs despite his internal panic.

“If I win, can I take you out to dinner?”

“I, um. Come back to me after the race and I’ll let you know my answer”

He doesn’t win, but he does get fastest lap. But Daniel thinks the gesture was sweet.

When Max gets back to him after the race, smelling of champagne, he just says ‘yes’ and Max knows.

Looking back on it Max cringes at how cocky he was being. But it worked out.

The rest is history. The start dating, and quickly become everyone’s favorite couple. Edits being made of Max looking like a fool talking to Daniel. Footage of Daniel going viral after he said “That’s my man,” at the screen of Max winning his home race. The RedBull garage becoming a second him to him as waits for Max to finish races when he’s not working.

They get married, it’s a cute wedding, and all the drivers are invited. Telling stories about how oblivious they both were, in each of their toasts.

He tells Max he’s pregnant in a sneaky way of disguising it as a video he has to do. It’s based around decorating baby onesies. Max is confused, but goes along with it anyway. It’s only until Daniel says “Make it pretty, we might need it soon,” that he realizes what’s happening.

not beta read. errors, unfortunately, are my own.

[literatemisfit]

LiterateMisfit's Doctor Who Journal

Series 1, Episode 2 "The End of the World"

The second episode opens with the Doctor and Rose in the TARDIS, allowing us to begin familiarizing ourselves with this iconic space that the first episode spent so much time hiding from us. Rose is thrust into a situation that is entirely out of her depth, travel in space and time, and is faced with a total lack of control. Perhaps sensing this, the Doctor kindly lets Rose choose where they are going ("Backwards or forwards in time?") and, with all of history to choose from, Rose is given some semblance of comfort with the power to control their destination.

The Doctor, unsurprisingly, immediately begins showboating. When Rose chooses to travel forwards in time and suggests one hundred years in the future, the Doctor challenges her ("That's a bit boring though, want to go further?") and when she agrees, although uncertainly, he begins to push her expectations, encouraging her to once again think outside the box ("Ten thousand years [...] the New Roman Empire"). Rose is somehow an expert companion on her first trip in the TARDIS because she picks up on his arrogance and brings out his petulant nature ("You think you're so impressive" / "I am so impressive!"), a classic dynamic between the Time Lord and his companions.

When they arrive at their final destination, five billion years in Rose's future, the Doctor ensures that this first experience with travel in time and space is special for Rose. She asks, apprehensively, "Where are we? What's out there?" but the Doctor does not answer. He only gestures to the TARDIS door and allows her to discover this new place for herself, not providing any information or any explanation, and instead grants Rose the chance to be a true explorer.

Once Rose exits the TARDIS and investigates the room, her insatiable curiosity begins to butt up against a gradually-building feeling of being overwhelmed. This should be impossible, this can't be real, we seem to hear her thinking. The Doctor reveals that they have travelled so far into the future that they are going to be present on the day the sun expands, the day the earth is swallowed by it: the end of the world. And the Doctor makes a moving existential comment that we, the audience, feel all-too keenly, especially now in 2023 ("You lot, you spend all your time thinking about dying [...] but you never take time to imagine the impossible, that maybe you survive").

For the first time, we are introduced to the concept of alien technology, excepting the Doctor's TARDIS. Everything Rose is surrounded by is futuristic and unknown to her and us, and, like Rose, we both want to know more and find ourselves confounded by the idea. When Rose is faced with a variety of alien races, albeit in silly and camp Doctor Who costumes, it does seem to be a lot to take in ("They're just so alien"). Even more so when the alien gifts and conventions, which include being spit on, prove to be a real exercise in ultimate open-mindedness.

One of my favourite Doctor Who conventions is the use of science fiction to make meaningful social commentaries and this episode is full of them. As the camera zooms in on the base they have arrived on, we hear on the loud speakers: "Guests are reminded that Platform One forbids the use of weapons, teleportation, and religion". The comparison made between weapons and religion, suggesting that they are both too dangerous to allow on board, was particularly satisfying to me as an ex-catholic. For Rose, this announcement leads to a fundamental ethical question ("So, when it says guests, does that mean people?" / "Depends what you mean by people." / "I mean people, what do you mean?" / "Aliens."), are aliens people?

During the course of the episode, Rose finds out that, yes, aliens are people, although sometimes too much like people. Rose wonders, if today is the day that the earth dies, why there are so many people present to witness it. Shouldn't this be sad? Shouldn't the Doctor stop it from happening? But the Doctor cannot stop the fact that the earth has had its time. Nevertheless, Rose cannot fathom why the death of her planet has become an event that people want to enjoy ("The great and the good are gathering to watch the planet burn" / "What for?" / "Fun! Mind you, when I say the great and the good what I mean is: the rich"). And so we are introduced to the fact that, in the Doctor Who universe, issues of class and economic inequality are not a purely human experience. Aliens are people because aliens are susceptible to the same immoralities that we recognize in ourselves.

Delightfully, we are introduced to the Doctor's psychic paper with a perfectly brief explanation ("Shows them whatever I want them to see") which elicited giddiness from this viewer, just like the shocking reveal of the Face of Boe as a guest, whose entire story arc immediately unfolded in my head as I watched him enter the room. The Doctor's identity also begins to come into focus as Jabe, one of the alien guests, discovers that, for a reason that will become clear by the end of the episode, his race is "impossible!".

Rose is introduced to the last living human, Lady Cassandra O'Brien, who shares laughably incorrect facts about human history which we, and Rose, know to be false, showing us just how far away from human she really is, at least by our standards. While there are important social commentaries made through the use of this character later on, the first one rings a little hollow in 2023. It is revealed that, because Cassandra is so vain and obsessed with her looks, she has had over seven hundred surgeries to essentially remove any sign of her humanity, leaving her looking like a flat tarp of skin, veins, eyes, and a mouth.

As a woman who would have, in 2005, wholeheartedly agreed with this sentiment at the time, being unconventionally androgynous myself and, admittedly, rather sexist about other, more feminine women, I do find myself coming up against my updated views about women and the beauty industry while watching this episode. We understand better, nowadays, how the beauty industry, run by men, pressures women into making unhealthy and, at times dangerous, decisions about their looks. While part of me wants to hate Casandra for this, I realize that I now just feel sorry for her.

As Rose is faced with so much new information in such a short space of time, she becomes overwhelmed by all of it. She finds solace in the one person that she can relate to: the lower class plumber named Raffalo who, to Rose's shock and dismay, is essentially treated like a slave who has no rights, not even to communicate ("You have to give us permission to talk"). Seeing as Rose is an outsider to Platform One and its guests, she is of course friendly towards and curious about this new character.

It is in speaking with Raffalo that Rose realizes just how far away from home she is and how foolish she was in running away with the Doctor, whom she barely knows ("Don't even know who he is. He's a complete stranger"). And of course, it is this staff member that is the first victim of the villains of the episode, tugging on our sympathies as we, and Rose, lose the one person we felt we could trust.

The Doctor reunites with Rose and shares with her the classic information about the TARDIS's telepathic field that affects those that travel in it and translates alien languages in their minds. I was pleasantly surprised that Rose immediately brought up the issue of consent, having her mind modified without her knowledge, by which later companions seem to strangely not be bothered. Rose's feelings of betrayal lead to an argument with the Doctor and his own emotional outburst about his identity ("Tell me who you are!" / "This is who I am, right here, right now, all right?") hinting once again at his dark past.

Faced with her current predicament, of being impossibly far away from home, Rose resolves the argument with a gentle joke, revealing her vulnerable and frightened feelings to the Doctor ("Don't argue with the designated driver") which he accepts and kindly offers comfort in return: He modifies Rose's mobile phone and has her call her mom in a beautiful Doctor Who time-travelling mobile phone network loophole of sorts, which I find entirely enjoyable. Rose is emotional at hearing her mom's voice and has an existential revelation ("Five billion years later and my mom's dead") but ultimately understands that, while her mom is impossibly far away, she is also just at arms' length with the Doctor by her side.

When Jabe meets Rose, we have the first example in the new series of a character making the assumption that the Doctor and his companion are married or otherwise together as more than friends, which is a pleasing long-running joke; for a man and a woman to be so vehement about their lack of feelings towards each other.

Jabe, to me, personifies our relationship with the environment as she is the direct descendent of the tropical rain forest, another point that hits home more strongly in 2023. Jabe sacrifices herself to save everyone in the end, making her, the embodiment of the natural world, quite literally the opposite of Cassandra. Jabe and Raffalo are the first of many innocent deaths. Wealth and power are pitted against the environment and the working class in this episode, a very familiar piece of imagery for today's audience.

In line with this sentiment, Cassandra reveals herself to be a racist supremacist, claiming that she is "the last PURE human", juxtaposed strangely with the unnatural state of her body. She is a classic evil villain, making light of having murdered her husbands and engineering this entire plot for financial compensation ("Five billion years and it still comes down to money") to pay for her many future surgeries.

Before Jabe's death, we see for the first time the Doctor being truly seen and his traumatizing past, the Time War, being acknowledged with compassion ("I know where you're from [...] It's remarkable that you even exist. I just want to say how sorry I am" / "Stop wasting time, Time Lord"). We actually see the Doctor tear up, showing us that there is more about him and his grief that we don't yet understand and hinting at the weight of his burden.

This emotional coming together triggers outrage, after Jabe's ultimate sacrifice, from the Doctor. Hurt and emotional, he offers Rose no comfort when they are once again reunited after her first brush with near death in the sun room. He is too angry and, finding a moment of calm only to inform Jabe's people of her death with more kindness than he affords Rose, he is hungry for revenge. In his anger, even with Rose's plea for mercy, he lets Cassandra die ("Help her." / "Everything has its time and everything dies"), but an audience who is not watching the series for the first time knows that with these words, he speaks of Gallifrey, of the Time War, and of the overarching theme in Doctor Who that everyone the Doctor loves will die and he will live on alone.

After the Doctor comes down from his rage, he finds Rose again and ensures that she is, at last, cared for. Rose is upset because the planet, her home, was destroyed and they were all too busy fighting off a murder plot to pay their respects ("All those years, all that history and no one was even looking"). This leads to a much-needed conversation between the Doctor and Rose. He brings her back to the present as reassurance that the planet is still here, her family is still safe, and she has not truly lost anything. He comforts her with the familiarity of home and, of course, the smell of chips.

But the Doctor needs her to understand him. The familiarity of home exists for her, but not for him. He can never go back to his home planet and be reassured that everything is still there waiting for him, and so he challenges Rose once again with an existential truth that she may never experience ("You think it'll last forever. The people, the cars, and concrete. But it won't. One day, it's all gone, even the sky"). And at last, he has to choose to be vulnerable with Rose so she can honestly understand who she is travelling with, and her insatiable curiosity turns to compassion ("My planet's gone. It's dead. It burned like the earth. It's just rocks and dust, before its time" / "What happened?" / "There was a war and we lost" / "What about your people?" / "I'm a Time Lord. I'm the last of the Time Lords").

At the end of the episode, Rose is conflicted. Should she go home to the safety of her family? Should she lean into her insatiable curiosity and hunger for adventure? Her thoughts are interrupted by the smell of chips and they both realize that what matters most in this moment is the here and now and the comfort of living in the present, both literally and figuratively. We know, of course, that Rose will continue to travel with the Doctor, but they need to spare some time to rest and process. And so, they choose to go on living.

[kathrynalicemc]

A/N: Ehehehehe new OCs for this one! Well i've had them for a long time but never said much about them yet because I was waiting for this!! Reminder again that next chapter will be in 2 weeks

Warnings: None for now?

Characters: Dafne Arcano, Dayamanti Arcano, Dielle Arcano, Jorren Varangr, Kyne Varangr, Kodlak Varangr, Merla Varangr, Julio Aquila + Crew, Atticus Demiurgos-Kennedy @endlessly-cursed, Elidon Greyloc, Brokenshire & Cairncross Family @cursebreakerfarrier, Irene Quinn and Agnes Malinda @gaygryffindorgal

Song: Ode to Fury by Miracle of Sound

---------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 2: Svalbard

“So where are we going?” Dayamanti asked as soon as they reached the open ocean.

“Svalbard,” Dafne replied.

“Why there? You honestly don’t think Valhalla is there, do you?”

“No. But like you said, I can’t possibly take on a mountain full of zombies by myself. We need some help, and maybe see if they have any more information.”

“They?” Dayamanti questioned with a quirk of her eyebrow.

“The Varangrs. It’s their history too, so it’s only fair that we ask.”

“Alright then,” she replied and went to work angling the sails, the longship turning to head north.

The journey would take them roughly three days with the help of enchantments upon the sails to increase their speed. It would be easy enough as Dayamanti had made the journey herself a few times for the Arcano Trading Co. The longship itself wasn’t too large, however the deck was just large enough to set up a small tent which, of course, was larger on the inside.

Dafne ducked and entered the tent to get out of the bitter cold wind and ocean spray. The tent once belonged to Alatar so the interior was very simple consisting of a few cots, a small bonfire in the center, and various rugs and furs piled on the ground around it.

Picking a comfy looking fur, Dafne sat down upon it and pulled another tight around herself. Producing the purple journal once belonging to her ancestor, she began to read.

——

Iolanthe Arcano, Magiens Mester

Entry #1

Date: May 15th, 1928

This is it. I’m finally going to do it after years of planning. I’ve got some vacation time coming up and everything is in order for when I’m gone. It could just be a bedtime story passed down for generations, but I’m betting it’s real. If it is, I can only imagine the amount of long forgotten knowledge hidden away in that city. Now all I need to do is find myself a team, and I have a pretty good idea who can help me..

Entry #2

Date: June 1st, 1928

We have managed to gain passage on a skyship called the Empyrean. I am familiar with Captain Aquila, we’ve been friends for a while. He has incredible navigation skills that will be a big help. Along with the ship's crew, I have also hired my own crew.

Senior Undersecretary Elidon Greyloc was my first pick. My second pick, of course, is my beloved Atticus. They were both an instant hire. As for the rest of the team, I have hired a few members from both the Cairncross and Brokenshire families.

Doctor Elias Cairncross and Reginald Brokenshire are leaders in their respective fields. Their knowledge of cultures and languages will be very beneficial. Also joining the team is Reginald’s son Asa Brokenshire and Elias’s daughter Zelda Cairncross. Zelda is an anthropologist whereas Asa has skills with defending against the Dark Arts. It must really run in their family, because I also hired Zelda’s son Leo Cairncross. I’ll have three generations of experts with me.

Lastly, Irene Quinn and Agnes Malinda round out the team. Irene is a private investigator, a skill I believe will come in handy for solving problems. Her partner Agnes is a journalist, to my dismay. I personally don’t want to get the press involved but Irene requested her help. I’d hate for the press to get news that my expedition was useless if this story ends up just that. A story.

Entry #3

Date: June 25th, 1928

We’ve been traveling on foot across the north of Norway for nearly a month now, occasionally taking the Empyrean if the distance is too far. After the Empyrean lands, we make our way to a few sites we thought might have the city. One after one we crossed off the list, not finding any hints of any entrances among the mountains. The team is getting restless and homesick, having nothing to show for weeks of camping. Even during summer, the north of Norway still has snow up high in the mountains.

Most days are long, requiring travel by foot or aparating longer distances. By choosing to do this in the summer, we have the luxury of not wasting daylight as the Midnight Sun never sets in the north. Although, it can be challenging to try to sleep under the almost sunset. This also proves difficult for navigating as our most skilled navigator Jules Aquila usually uses the stars at night to guide him.

We only have a handful of possible locations left to check. I���m starting to lose hope of the lost city even existing. If we don’t find anything, I’m worried my team might think I dragged them out on a wild goose chase to waste their time on a fairytale.

Entry #4

Date: August 3rd, 1928

I knew it! Ever since I was a child listening to the stories by the fire, I’ve dreamed of finally reclaiming the lost wizard city of Valhalla. I’ve studied the stories and maps for years and I have asked almost everyone from Skalafell to recount it to me, each story having new details or losing others. All this work was actually worth it. We think we have found it.

Entry #5

Date: August 9th, 1928

Today, the team will board the Empyrean once again. After two months, we are finally headed home, but I am sad to report it will be empty handed. They all worked admirably and I am proud of how far we came. I am frustrated and disappointed beyond belief, but I refuse to give up. I hope someday I can return and finish what we started. This will be my last entry about the lost city. Agnes has promised not to write about it publicly, our expedition will not be recorded for the history books. I look forward to a time where it could be...

——

Dafne’s brow furrowed as the text abruptly ended. Quickly flipping through revealed that about only a quarter of the journal was filled. The rest were blank pages. However, her attention was caught when flipping a page caused a folded piece of parchment to slip out and land on her lap. Unfolding it revealed a rough map of Norway, red paint crossing out multiple locations except one.

These must be the locations Iolanthe and her team explored. The only location not crossed out was on the coast of northern Norway. At least they had their starting location, although Dafne was worried about what they would find there. Iolanthe was certain they had found it, but the next entry told a different story. What could have happened?

——

The days passed slowly without event, the sisters spending the time together in the tent. They talked about anything they could think of. It was nice to have some free time to catch up as the last few years Dielle was at Hogwarts and Dafne herself attended a muggle university.

Before they knew it, the Jörmungandr thunked against the frozen docks on Svalbard belonging to the Varangr family. They were very nomadic and lived off the land so they didn’t really have a named village like Skalafell. The docks only existed because of the trade route their families established. In fact, it was Dafne’s grandfather Alatar who broke their centuries long feud and made peace with them. It was such a long grudge that neither family remembered what it was about.

Dayamanti, Dafne, and Dielle made their way off the ship and further inland, their boots crunching on the fresh snow of late autumn.

“How are we supposed to find anyone? Svalbard is huge and they could be anywhere!” Dielle questioned.

“No idea, I’ve never actually met them. Whenever I would make a trade, I would just leave the crates on the dock and take the ones already waiting,” Dayamanti replied.

Dafne was just about to make a sarcastic remark about perhaps trying to yell into the bushes when a voice yelled out at them.

“What is your business here?” an imposing figure stood in the distance off to the side, speaking Norwegian. He was draped in furs and had long gray hair that was braided in places. In his hand was a spear that rested on the ground like a cane.

“Oh, um my name is Dafne Arcano. These are my sisters Dayamanti and Dielle. You may know our grandpa Alatar?” Dafne offered back, matching his Norwegian.

“I do,” he answered gently, “I’m Kyne Varangr. How may I be of service?”

“Well, it’s kind of a long story. Do you have a leader we could talk to?”

“Aye. Follow me, I’ll take you to her,” Kyne motioned with his spear and started to walk away.

They followed him further into Svalbard, keeping a respectful distance behind. It only took about ten minutes of walking before they started to see pillars of smoke in the distance. Their destination consisted of a handful of large tents, substantial enough to house many people comfortably but makeshift enough to be taken apart and moved.

Kyne led them to the largest of the tents and pulled back the fabric, revealing the inside. The girls took this as an invitation and entered. Unlike their own, this tent wasn’t magical or bigger on the inside. The Varangrs were known to not use magic as much as normal wizards.

Sitting around the fire in the center were three figures, one man and two women. The youngest of the women looked to be around the same age as Dafne. She had black hair and a large raven perched upon her shoulder. The other woman was older with gray hair like Kyne. The man was between their ages.

The older woman stood up as they entered, bowing her head slightly and gesturing to the furs on the ground. The three of them exchanged a glance but then took a seat around the fire.

“Welcome. You must be Arcanos. I’m Jorren Varangr,” Jorren spoke, this time in English. “This is my son Kodlak and his daughter Merla. You’ve already met my husband Kyne, I see.”

“We are pleased to meet you. I’m Dafne and these are my sisters Dayamanti and Dielle.”

“I’m sorry to take up your time, but I came with an inquiry. You do know of the story of Valhalla, don’t you?”

Jorren nodded her head with a smile.

“Well, my sisters and I are embarking on a journey to find and reclaim it. We were wondering if you had any information about it or even if you wanted to come along?”

Jorren remained silent for a few moments, leaning over to whisper to her son before she spoke, “I’m sorry, but there is nothing we can do for you. It is a fairytale we can’t afford to chase.”

“I understand.”

“As for information, however, I can offer you this. Whatever’s been sleeping in that city will need more than three young girls to defeat. There’s a reason a whole group of trained city guards abandoned it without a fight.”

“You mean the Valkyries, right? They were my favorite part of our Grandpa’s stories,” Dielle remarked wistfully.

“I do,” Jorren nodded.

“So you won’t help us?” Dayamanti suddenly interjected.

“Be glad we let you this far, Arcano,” Kodlak shot back.

Jorren reached out her hand to quiet her son, “Do not take this the wrong way. I would just hate to see young wizards rush to their doom.”

“We understand and appreciate your concern, but we can handle ourselves,” Dafne rushed to speak before her sister could argue more.

Jorren nodded again with a gentle smile, “Then we have nothing left to say. I wish you well.”

Dafne took the hint and motioned the others to stand, “Thank you for your time, we will get out of your hair.”

With a few more head bows of acknowledgement, the three of them ducked back out of the tent and started their trek back to the docks. Once safely there, Dayamanti started to untie the mooring ropes and they had a moment to discuss.

“Well that sure was useful, wasn’t it?” Dayamanti sarcastically grumbled.

“I liked them. Especially Jorren, she was nice,” Dielle confidently stated.

Dafne sighed heavily, “It’s always worth asking. Iolanthe had an entire team with her. We can’t afford to be stubborn and keep it to ourselves. We need help.”

“Why did we sneak away from home then? I’m sure Uncle Kaari would have helped us!” Dielle nodded with a smile.

“They would have tried to stop us. Plus, they don’t believe it’s real. At least the Varangrs took us seriously.”

Suddenly a caw erupted into the crisp air and, with a flap of feathers above them, a large raven landed upon the edge of the longship. It looked at each of them one by one with its shiny black eyes.

“Do you know what you’re doing?” A quiet voice with a thick accent behind them caused them to jump and whirl around, their hands going to their weapons.

It was the girl from the tent who was introduced as Merla. She had a bag slung over her shoulder and, now that they were closer to her, they noticed her eyes were milky white and didn’t quite meet theirs.

“Do you know for sure where it is?” She spoke again when nobody answered her.

“Uhh we think so. Yes,” Dafne spoke up.

“Then I’m coming with you,” she stated and carefully made her way onto their longship, the raven's gaze following her the whole way.

“I’m Merla and this is Egyja,” Merla pointed to her raven.

“Eye?” Dafne translated.

“Yes, she’s my eyes. I was born blind but my Gift allows me to communicate with and see through animals eyes. I assume you guys also have the Gift, considering the white in your hair.”

“How do you have the Gift? You don’t have white hair!” Dielle asked.

“The Varangr family shows the Gift differently. Each of the families has a different way it shows up. Women from my family are born with unique birthmarks. This is mine,” she answered, pulling away her fur coat to reveal a dark mark upon her breastbone that vaguely took the shape of an eye.

“That’s so cool,” Dielle mused, “My Gift is healing and sometimes I can create shields to protect people!”

“I can create fire and lightning,” Dayamanti added and crossed her arms proudly.

“And mine is necromancy. I can’t bring people's souls back, I just puppet their bodies,” Dafne finished.

“And you think the four of us can reclaim the city alone?” Merla arched an eyebrow.

“I guess we will find out,” Dayamanti replied.

With a heavy thunk, the anchor was raised. The mooring lines were untied and the sails unfolded, billowing with the bitter cold wind. The Jörmungandr lurched forwards and then crawled forwards until eventually it hit top speeds. They had their heading.

[stormears]

Questions 1-77 of the writer ask game >:]

Jammie decided to MAKE my night and ask me to answer every damn one the 77 Fanfic writer questions. I assume tumblr will automatically add a readmore thing to make it not be a Bible-length post. But I’ve got 15 years of fanfic history to go off of and I can ramble like nobody’s business when I’m typing.

But if you have any interest in my fics, maybe scroll a while and stop to read 2-3 of my 77 answers hmmm?

Also I shudder to think how many tags this is going to pop up in because of the ships I name here and there, sorry strangers lol

- 1) Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

I thiiiink I prefer to write oneshots because they take a shorter amount of time, meaning a few months instead of multiple years. Because multichapter stories almost always take me fucking years. And my oneshots are still extremely long and big time commitments to write. The last oneshot I wrote (JJK, gofushi) was 25k and took a little over two months and god I SLAVED over it…

2) Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

There is always at least a rough plan in my mind, if not written down in an outline or notes document somewhere. If I don’t know what is happening in the upcoming scene, I am not writing.

3) Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

I see a vision in my mind of Character Doing Thing or Characters I Ship Doing Thing Together. I create a universe that exists only to create the circumstances where they can do that thing. However even if I just want a sexy or weird af ship scene, I STILL want their to be plot elevating it all. I often struggle to tie together a plot that makes sense and isn’t fucking stupid but still caters to my stupid preferences and kinks. It’s like trying really hard to mix oil and water.

Practically, I write down all the plot beats, ideas and important bits I can think of into a Scrivener document, maybe scrape it into an Outline ish thing, and then start writing. Before Scrivener (up until end of 2021) I wrote stories in Word. And either had a separate Word document for the story’s outline/plan, or just kept the outline in my head.

Oh yeah I also have a pretty notebook from Target with roses on the cover and soft pink pages, where I write down a VERY general outline of the story or late plot beats/important things to remember to use. This isn’t as helpful or as long as the Scrivener version but I LOOOOOVE having a physical bite of my fanfic vision, seeing it outside of my head or the internet/laptop screen. As of end of 2022 I discovered I looooove writing things in journals!

4) Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

Imagination, music, books I read, movies, etc. Like everyone else I guess.

5) Do you like constructive criticism?

Fucking YES!!! I feel a tiny bit of resentment that fanfic comments seemingly have to be glowing praise all the time or you shouldn’t say anything at all. Good concrit isn’t about your preferences, but how well the scene accomplished what it set out to do, and why or why not. You can give concrit to a tentacle fucking scene and give the author advice on how to write better tentacle sex.

But the author of course reserves the right to either absorb that concrit and keep it in mind for next time, or just say/think “That person’s concrit makes sense, but I like the way I did it here because it’s hotter to me and I just like it this way so I’m not changing.”

6) Do you have your work beta'd? How important is this to your process?

Lmao no. I mean once, but lmao never again. I’ve never wanted a beta, I am my own editor and in my experience (reading my stories after posting) I generally don’t have typos or grammar to fix anyway, I catch them successfully myself.

HOWEVER…one time in 2019 I decided to try a beta for a Haikyuu fantasy AU story whose plot beats I was having a lot of trouble pinning down. I asked around on Reddit and only one person offered and I felt fed up with the story and irritated enough to just accept them, grateful for their willingness and time. The person offered next to no advice on the plot and instead corrected grammar that was wrong as a stylistic choice (little kids’ speech) and nothing else.

In exchange for their beta services, I had promised to review a story of theirs. So I read their FFN story which was a Naruto fic featuring a Kakashi crackship. I enjoyed their creative exploration of that ship but was flabbergasted to find their writing was. Um. Not that good. I mean down to seriously using “orbs” for “eyes.” That cliche was still alive in 2019 thanks to this person. It really felt like a teenager’s fic from 2008 but it was only a year old or so and they said they were 26.

I found things to compliment in their story and then happily ghosted them. No betas for me ever again.

7) How do you choose which POV to write from?

I usually write ship fic and I usually write from the POV of the character in the ship that I like more lol. Even if it’s a plot heavy fic and there’s little to no romantic or sexual scenes or vibes or whatever, if the ship is present at ALL that’s how I immediately arrange the plot/POV in my head. So I guess it just boils down to favorite character bias.

However I am toying with the idea of writing a JJK fic featuring a creepy problematic yandere character and usually such fics use the POV of the Object of Affection so you can feel the oppressive weird sexiness coming out of the screen at you. But this fic will be written from the yandere’s POV instead of my fave’s, so you can see their crazy af animal-like thoughts when their love interest runs away/goes missing which sets the plot in motion. The story is about finding that MC in a cyberpunk city, so hanging with the yandere the whole time who is forced to put themselves on a leash and solve a mystery facilitates the…mystery vibe of the story.

8) Do you prefer the beginning, middle, or end of a story?

Hmmm difficult to say because for many of my multichaptered fics I don’t even make it to their endings…again, it takes YEARS sometimes. One of my greatest fics, a MadaSaku dark fantasy au called Chasm, started in 2015 when I first had the idea, I didn’t publish Chapter 1 until 2018, it currently is sitting at 6 chapters, with C6 being posted on fucking January 1, 2021. It’s not even reached “the middle” in my opinion.

I guess I prefer…the beginning? I love setting up the intense stakes and unknown factors and threats and suspense that doesn’t yet have answers…very tasty…

9) Do you comment on stories you read?

Fucking yeah I do you want to see my post with MANY screenshots bragging about how I carry 95% of AO3 readers on my back and support the fucking economy???

I don’t tell people on twitter what my AO3 is (because I rarely talk to people on twitter and when I do they fucking ignore me anyway!!! :D) but there’s 3 separate people on twitter who have made gushing tweets floored by the length and interest in my comment. I kept those screenshots too and ahhh it feels good.

10) Cltr+f "blinks" on your WIP & copy paste the first sentence/paragraph that comes up

Nothing came up. Maybe because I don’t write in present tense. Not really a fan.

11) Link your three favorite fics right now

Uhh I’m not sure I have favorites, these are the ones that came to mind. I don't keep bookmarks on AO3 so I don't really have a "favorites list" and these aren't necessarily recent just the ones I wanted to mention...

1) “Shard Society.” Haikyuu mystery crime drama about Oikawa being murdered just before high school graduation, Iwaizumi is arrested and jailed for it. Eight years later, law student Kindaichi discovers a recently written confession from seemingly the REAL murderer and is on a quest with youngest prosecutor in Japan, Sakusa, to find out who did it.

I followed this story for over a year, gave a few dozen MASSIVE comments to the author who always giddily replied to me. They also expressed their gratitude by sending me a physically published copy of it in the mail!!

2) “He Had No Fingers”. I’m gonna go for oldie fics now lol. This is a horror Naruto fic about Kyuubi being an eldritch monster, with deadly serious and ominous prose. The story makes it pretty clear that it will absolutely take over and consume kid Naruto and the whole world, in time. I remember passages describing like how the Kyuubi is its own dimension, and speaking aloud even the names of its body parts will turn its attention to you and make you explode.

When I first read it in like 2010 or something it actually made me light-headed. I remember the story described the Kyuubi as smelling like chitin (what bug exoskeletons are made of) and I somehow thought I could…smell chitin when I was reading. I remember sitting on my bed reading this story and SMELLING something I never had before. And never did again.

3) “Lapsus Memoriae.” This is an OG cartoon Transformers fic. I watched a bit of the cartoon as a kid but I don’t even go here fandom wise lol, I forget how I even found this…maybe in 2008 ish when the Michael Bay movies were new, because I was kind of into those as a teen?

ANYWAY THIS IS TRANSFORMERS THREESOME SOULMATE AGE GAP YAOI, AMNESIA AU! Medical autobot Ratchet and his 2 friends wake up at headquarters missing the last several years worth of their memories. None of them remember their respective “bondmates”. The main character is Ratchet, a prickly, older medical bot whose bondmates are a pair of hot, sexy young twins named Sunstreaker and Sideswipe.

The other 2 ships get attention too, but high school me was sooooo into the twins being clingy and protective over their beloved angry old medbot uke Ratchet. 5 stars, still a fun read despite never being completed.

12) how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

Not…much? I feel like I “write for myself” a little more than the average person bc I’m uhhhh arrogant I guess. Low feedback generally does not bother me because I love my story more than anyone else ever could. I always spend WAY more time re-reading my own stories, sighing in appreciation at my own hard work and prose, than I do re-reading people’s comments about it.

13) what’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

Write what you want to read. That’s what I’m always doing. I can’t think of any other common tips besides “Write what you know” which I don’t follow nearly as strictly. One wip right now is a fantasy/comedy MatsuHana in a society where gardening is mega-popular and culturally important and I didn’t know jack shit about gardening or flowers, etc., I was googling plenty of basic information to try and make the characters sound like they weren’t total beginners.

14) how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

I’m not too sure how to answer the first one. I try and write them…realistically? Keep their emotions in mind? I try to remember that a character feeling intensely emotional will probably be too overwhelmed to properly/fully explain what they’re feeling or doing. So I’m careful with my word choice. No, I don’t feel what they feel. I’ve seen people say they get emotional/teary eyed themselves sometimes writing what their characters feel, that has never happened to me.

Do I draw from personal experiences, I don’t think so. The reason I write a fic, or the scene I want to get to, or the point of a story, is never based on something I experienced, just a cool idea I want to see. I've always kinda disliked the idea of projecting yourself that blatantly into a story. That’s not why I write.

Well shit I just thought of a new Haikyuu fantasy au I’ve got cooking where the villain is an OC whose backstory is basically that she’s a sad, bitter, loser failure and doing antagonist stuff out of resentment. That fit the plot I wanted, but I realized later a lot of her life is reflections of what happened to me when I felt like a sad, bitter, loser failure in life. She’s like…30% me. And that feels like a fucking LOT, I’ve never done this with a character before, it feels like…invasive or insulting or something but I’m going ahead with it.

15) How do you write smut scenes? Do you get very visual or detailed? How important is it to be realistic?

I’ve written very few smut scenes because I’m a coward and don’t much trust my ability to write them well. The couple of times I did took a looooot of work though I ended up liking them okay. I thiiiiink I’m ace and I rarely actually want to read characters having sex. A lot of the time the idea…bothers me somehow? I’ve got my own hangups with sex both irl and in the silly fandom world. Like I remember there was a #Whore(character)week on twitter where big fans of (character) wrote/drew him being a total cockgobbling passed-around-the-room slut, and I liked a little of the content but later felt so angry I had to mute the tags bc he’s NOT a whore don’t fucking insult him, he would NOT act like that in a million years, stop it stop being mean to him etc

Anyway realism is fine up to a point but I’m not here to read about realistic sex, usually, it’s fantasy sex where nonsensical things can happen and be portrayed as appealing. If realism doesn’t facilitate the hotness, then out it goes.

16) How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

Lots…too many…I’m angry and despairing at how many ideas I have and the fact that I’m slower than almost any fanfic writer I know, so many of my ideas are doomed to never manifest or will manifest and then sputter and die before completion. I’m sad about it all the time. This is my favorite hobby and I can almost never do it at a level where I’m truly satisfied.

Anyway one of my ideas is a Haikyuu fantasy AU where Kageyama is a fantastic mage but a shitty person no one likes and he manages to capture a talking unicorn (hinata) which are hella rare, but he seriously injures the prince (Daichi). So as punishment he’s forced to tame the unicorn for the crown, and if he doesn’t he will be kicked out of the mage guild, which will ruin his life as he’s not good at anything but magic, it's his volleyball equivalent here.

He befriends Hinata the unicorn and accidentally does a spell that turns him human a la the Last Unicorn. Then other unicorns come to humanville to rescue Hinata and Kageyama gets embroiled in unicorn politics and there are many unicorn OCs based on horses I have in a racing game called Rival Stars omgggg I fucking love unicorns horses yadda yadda

17) What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

A majority of the time I wallow in self-pity tbh.

When I make myself be constructive about it, I try to write another story which can sort of unstick my writing gears by writing in a new way/new tone for that story. Also, reading helps a lot. Reading interesting ideas and good prose is GREAT for greasing the wheels in your head and reminding you what good writing looks like.

18) Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

I LOOOOOOVE COMING UP WITH TITLES! This is my way in which I’m Not Like Other Girls, I hear this so often among fanfic writers that they don’t know wtf to title their story, not me baby!! I love cooking up a new title and to me it’s a very important part of the story process. I usually decide the title very early on, if not before I even start writing!

My titles are usually phrases I make up that sum up the vibes of the story or point to a very significant event, the kind of thing that would “be on the cover of the book” you know? EX:

CHASM - Naruto, MadaSaku dark fantasy au. Mostly named for a point in the story where Sakura looks across a huge literal chasm and sees…something on the other side that changes her forever ;) Also points to Sakura’s deteriorating mental health due to surviving an attack on her home where many residents were killed by monsters

THE SUN ON JAKKU - Star Wars, Reylo fic I’ll probably never finish. But it was about Kylo Ren invading Rey’s mind and seeing her entire horrible childhood on Jakku. Even though only hours pass irl, he is present in her memories like an invisible ghost standing nearby and experiences those years alongside her. And over time becomes obsessed with her. His gaze is “the sun on jakku” that watches over her every day.

DAY OF THE NAVIGATOR - Haikyuu, Oiiwa space/sci-fi horror au. Aliens arrive on earth and destroy it, lone astronaut (called “navigator” in this fic) Iwaizumi barely escapes in a little ship but is pursued for YEARS through space by sexy alien Oikawa (+alien wolfpack Seijoh) who totally wants to fuck him and put an alien ring on it but Iwaizumi assumes the aliens want to eat/kill him. Iwaizumi keeps himself together with his navigator training, which stresses that your work “today” is the only day that matters. Also gives significance to the moment Oikawa finally breaks into the ship and hears Iwaizumi speak for the first time. He says “Today is it for you,” and alien Oikawa is so fucking turned on

19) What is the most-used tag on your ao3?

I think it might be Possessive Behavior or Obsessive Behavior? Yeah that’s been my fanfic food of choice since high school haha, some things never change. I just get better at dressing up my creepy ships in cool plots to make them feel less cringe.

20) Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

I definitely prefer fantasy AUs. Worlds with magic and mystery and cool places to go adventuring in, and scary but sexy monsters who can hunt down the protagonist in an open World(tm)

I’ve tried to search for common word choice or expression in my fics, tbh but I either never found any or just can’t remember.

21) Would you ever collaborate with another writer for a story?

I don’t think so. I don’t like the idea of ceding over control of my story to someone else. And if it’s a story we made up together so they “had control” over some of it in the first place, I’d automatically be not that interested and committed because it’s not fully mine. And I want it to be mine.

22) Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

I don’t really do present tense. Can’t think of a fic where I have. I vastly prefer past tense. And I’ll probably never touch the following tropes because I hate them and think they’re stupid: Fake Dating, There Was Only One Bed, FWB.

23) Best writing advice for other writers?

Just write what you love. Even if it doesn’t really make sense, the plot doesn’t really come together, something about it doesn’t “vibe”…if you love it, that is all that matters.

24) Worst writing advice anyone ever gave you?

I can’t think of any writing advice that was outright stupid or bad…then again I don’t ever look up writing advice. I’m sure I have room for improvement much as anyone else, but I usually like the way I do things.

25) What fic do you wish you got more of a response on?

Ehh I guess my AtsuHina sci-fi horror au, The Abandoned City of Saint Winona…though I knew it wouldn’t get much of a response, because AtsuHina is such a sunny, cute ship, I don’t think most of its fans are the type to want a story where Atsumu is a disgusting maneating, shapeshifting alien who says he loves Hinata but the narration leaves it unclear if he means it or will eventually eat him.

But man I put a hell of a lot of work into that story, when I first posted Chapter 1 in 2021 and this past July when I scraped together Chapters 2 and 3. It was the first time in a long time when I wrote something where I knew the audience truly was me and MAYBE 3 other humans on this planet. Most other things I write do have a ship audience at least. And yet I wrote 35k...for me :)

26) Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

Oh Jesus, “Darcia” all the way…2019 OiIwa fantasy au that I only wrote one chapter of (BUT I STILL ADORE IT) I wrote/started no kidding THIRTEEN drafts of that chapter… Because I couldn’t decide certain plot points or WHY certain things would happen, I just couldn’t get a vibe I enjoyed…I toiled over this for a huge chunk of 2019, this is the story where I had that stupid useless beta on board for a bit. I actually seriously cried about this story a couple of times…

After fighting like hell and nearly eating my own skin I FINALLY posted the chapter, and took a day off work to celebrate…only for my mi litary boss to text me at 11am that day and say “Hey you know your yearly fit test was coming up next month, can you do it next week instead?” which fucking RUIIIIINNNNED MY DAAAAAAAY

27) What is your most and least favorite part of writing?

Favorite: when I end a successful evening writing session only because I am falling asleep, and I’m thinking “dammit, I could have written more!” I’ve found that many times, when I get lucky and pump out a huge word count in a session, I ALWAYS think to myself “dammit I could have gotten even more!” So even having that thought is itself a sign of success.

Least favorite: scraping my way through the dialogue for an important scene that moves the plot forward. Finding ways for characters to properly elaborate wtf is going on or needs to happen, in words that make sense for that person to say. If I get stuck on a fanfic, it’s EITHER because…I can’t make a decision about a HUGE plot beat, or I can’t fucking write the conversation that makes the scene go.

28) On average, how much writing do you get done in a day?

Oh geez…not a lot…I spend far too much of my life not writing because I’m busy with work or family obligations…but when I DO write, it’s maybe 400-500 average? Plenty of 200-300 days…Here’s my little wordcount log from when I was writing the AtsuHina sci-fi horror fic last month, like when I was really slaving away at it.

This makes me look better than usual, I think. I AM NOT USUALLY THIS ON TOP OF IT

7/17 evening from at least 700 7/19 - 1195!!! Though 160 are not being kept 7/22 - 1500!! 7/23 - 720 7/24 - 100 if that… 7/25 - 251…sleepy after post-dinner treadmill… 7/26 - 700 exactly! We’re at THE SCEN!E 8/5: 531 (well 731ish but deleted 200 ish) 8/7: 845 words 8/8: 1425 words 8/9: 742…getting closer…the narration doesn’t sound great though… 8/10: 1154. My god maybe this weekend will be it…

29) What’s your revision or editing process like?

I usually edit as I go. At the end of finishing a chapter, I will do a read-through that’s a little deeper than a “skim”, where I fix any spelling errors, tweak any word choices I was on the fence on originally, etc. Usually, after I finish a chapter, I will be posting it one or two hours later. I don’t usually wait.

30) Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished?

Wait until it’s all polished. Maybe this sounds contradictory to the answer above, but by the time I reach the end of the chapter, everything above it has already been combed through/edited along the way many times. So when I finish off the last scene, it’s already pretty well polished.

31) Do you start with the characters or the plot when writing?

I start with the plot because setting that in motion in the right way, and starting at the right time in the plot’s timeline, is ultimately more important.

32) Name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

Time to out myself as a toxic loser bitch but the two authors who come to mind as favorites, whose works I SO admired and enjoyed (and followed them both on other social media so I saw some of their irl happenings too) are also the two people I got the most pathetically, hatefully, despairingly envious over in all my life. They happened a few years apart. But my jealousy lasted months for one of them and YEARS for the other. People would point and laugh...or maybe just not know wtf to say...if I actually admitted how deeply my envy of those two writers affected me.

I swear on my life I don’t have jealousy problems in any other avenue of life…it’s JUST fanfic writing, the hobby that I most care about and that gets more of my passion and soul than anything else I do. I basically stepped away from their fics and decided to not look at them anymore. And even though I truly adored their works, I’m kinda scared to ever look at them again. In case it turns out I never got over it or the bad feelings just flare right up again. I don’t want to feel that way again. Sorry. Next question.

33) Do you want to be published some day?

I actually drafted 10 or 11 chapters of a fantasy YA book when I was in high school but that desire to be traditonally published faded a lot during college. I realized I like fanfic writing much more than original fic writing and don't really want my irl peers reading my work. But I did also write a shitty “book” in middle school that was 120 pages on Microsoft word about talking dragons, totally plagiarizing plot points from Majora’s Mask and Princess Mononoke.

And the YA book was about people with wings living in floating cities in the clouds. The MC’s little brother fails the Rite of Passage flying test and falls to the earth, so MC and Love Interest dive down to see if he survived and find him (a forbidden act!) and find out Earth is a nearly dead wasteland with gross monsters and some wingless dragons. The dragons dream of making it to the floating cities and conquering/stealing their resources. They hang out with a wingless dragon who barely tolerates them and carries around his extremely weak, almost-totally paralyzed little sister dragon on his back.

34) Five years from now, where do you see yourself as a writer?

I’m sure I’ll still be writing, and I’ll still have SOME of the same fandoms I do now, because fandoms last years and years for me. I’m still a bit into Naruto and read fic of it now and then despite it being over for nearly a decade. I hope I will have finished some stories by then! If I have, I might pursue my half-hearted dream of getting a physical copy of my fanfic published hehe! But I’m greedy and would only do so if I could somehow find a fic binder who’d make it to my totally extra expectations (gorgeous commissioned cover, black pages with white text for the first page of each new chapter, probably Garamond font…sprayed edges ahhhh)

35) What is one essential thing to remember when writing a villain?

They see themselves as a “protaganist” and will deal with “antagonists” accordingly.

36) How do you write kissing scenes?

Depends on who the characters are. I guess I’m usually writing characters who haven’t kissed very much or at all, or characters who at least haven’t kissed each OTHER before, because I tend to write characters at the start of a relationship because that exploratory, careful manner of figuring out how to kiss is just so fucking cute for damn near any ship.

37) How do you choose where to end a chapter?

I decide in my mental outline or Scrivener outline how much I can fit in this chapter. And it’s just…the last thing I can stuff in. My tendency to write long af chapters is a more important factor than wanting to end on a particular scene.

38) Would you ever write commissions?

I…don’t think so. I’ve definitely thought about the idea. But even if I had buyers, writing a commission probably wouldn’t go any faster than my own fics do, which, again, take months or possibly fucking YEARS…my payment would be fractions of a fraction of a cent per hour if you wanna slice it that way which is SOOOOO not worth it for the amount of time it takes me, and the time it takes away from my own wips, and there’s not many customers who I think would have the absurd patience required for ME to pump out a finished piece…the outlook is just not good.

39) Share a snippet from a WIP

(I’m putting a snippet of the dang AtsuHina Sci-fi horror fic I keep talking about)

The metal circle was knocked inward. It fell onto the basement floor with a hard thud, kicking up a puff of dust. Shoyo glimpsed a slice of the semi-dark inside: the innards of Saint Winona’s wall, wires and circular metal things with tiny glowing lights. Machines that kept his city alive. He’d seen some of those things in textbooks long ago.

The arm of a filthy spacesuit shot out of the hole and grasped for purchase on the basement floor.

A man with dirty, dark hair crawled out through the small hole. He was smeared with dust; his space suit looked ancient and strange, like dirty white leather. There was no helmet around the collar, only a metal collar at the neck of the outfit where one might have once fit on.

His hand slipped on the metal circle he’d cut out of the wall and fell forward onto his chest. He pushed the circle out of the way with a furious shout that made Shoyo gasp aloud in fear.

That’s when the man noticed he wasn’t alone in the room. That’s when he finally raised his head and showed his face and Shoyo’s soul writhed inside the cage of his frozen body.

The face—the face—his face—

He had Atsumu’s face.

-

40) If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

I have daydreamed of commissioning some artist many months in the future to draw scene in Darcia, where Oikawa is a demon a la FHQ but with some eldritch qualities. There’s also many dragons in the fic.

I have this scene in my head of Oikawa in the foreground, walking away from the camera towards four or five dragons backed up against a huge cave/dungeon wall in the background. They're like 20-50 foot tall beasts, who are all terrified of this human sized creature because he's going to kill them and he CAN. They are shooting fire or trying to claw at him but he is magically shielded and nothing works. The point is to amplify how utterly horrifying and powerful Oikawa is even in the face of gigantic and powerful monsters.

But imagining scared dragons backed up against a wall afraid of a small human can easily make them look goofy, unfortunately like an elephant scared of a mouse...so it would be a tough balancing act to portray the scene as scary instead of accidentally comedic.

41) Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person?

I am mostly a one-and-done person. There are a handful of fics I might return to to read specific scenes or chapters but I basically never re-read entire fics again. The memory of the fic and me appreciating it afterward is usually enough.

42) What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

I've been slowly going through the "horror" tag in the Haikyuu fandom, a kind of slim tag with only 400-some fics out of the whole Haikyuu section which is probably to be expected...

But I found this total gem called YACHI HITOKA: ZOMBIE SLAYER.

It's only 3 chapters long and not updated for many months now. But the chapters are quite long, and intense and horrific and WHOOO what a rush! I think it's a fantastic read for horror fans. Yachi is far from being a "zombie slayer" so far but I can see that there's tiny bits of growth in her bravery, inching their way up. I absolutely recommend it.

I left a huge glowing review to the author almost a month ago but they moderate comments and mine still hasn't appeared tho :0)

43) Do you take a sadistic joy in whumping your characters, or are you more the "If you hurt them I would kill everyone and then myself" kind of person?

Closer to the “taking joy” in it end of things I guess. I enjoy writing characters going through intense action or adventures or escapes. If that involves pain, fighting, getting hurt, etc then hell yeahhhhh.

44) What mistakes do you keep making no matter how many times your beta corrects you?

Me thriving with no beta and dick flapping in the wind: YEEEEEE

45) Do you want to break your readers‘ heart or make them laugh?

Leaning more towards the heartbreaking side. But being able to come up with a truly funny line is an accomplishment as well, and harder I think.

46) How would you describe your style? (Character/emotion/action-driven, etc)

Intense, more focus on narration than dialogue, viscerally ugly and suspenseful, romance is always at least a little creepy lol…I wonder how other people see my work in general like this.

47) How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

It gets combed through several times as I write, then one last once-over after I finish the chapter. Therefore the “rough draft” (after getting to the end of the draft) and “final draft” look very similar.

48) What do you look for in a beta?

#44 ^^^

49) Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?

I can only think of one rude review I got, it was for my naruto/pokemon crossover story on FFN that I got 26 chapters into before basically abandoning it in 2014-ish. Someone said basically “no one cares about these characters except ur ugly cringe ass”. I just ignored it.

Though nowadays sometimes I hope a hater would comment on my fics because I think coming up with a sniping comeback, and then freezing the comment thread so mine stands as the last word in the conversation, would be so fuckin gooooood…

50) How long is your longest fic?

Well uhhh I think that’s the Naruto/Maximum Ride crossover I wrote in 8th and 9th grade and I just had to check, it was 25 chapters when I abandoned it and 227k long! Cringe af now but lord I was so proud of it at the time.

People reviewing that story gave me a real-life confidence boost to the point that in 9th grade, classmates and teachers and people I didn’t talk to at all actually noticed and started chatting me up, because I was suddenly more interesting and engaging. 9th grade was the start of me understanding how to socialize...because of my fanfiction!

51) What’s your total AO3 word count?

273,602 (wow only slightly longer than the 8th-9th grade fic maximum ride crossover fic WOW?)

52) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

If they are long, substantive, or directly ask me a question. Otherwise not usually. I don’t feel the need to respond to every comment when I already wrote the damn story. I also don’t like the idea of half my comment count on a story just puffing my stats by endlessly replying “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Tha

53) How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily a fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both?

Definitely a writer more than a reader, though I’d say in high school it was a 50/50 split. Somehow I read more but also wrote overall more…because I didn’t have to work aghgnghgh

54) What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

The fact that I can do what-EVER the fuck I want. I can write batshit insane endings. I can add “obsessive/possessive behavior” magic fairy dust to my favorite characters to make them have sexy interactions with my faves that appeal to my silly fictional tastes. I can give someone an unexplained Raikou companion in a universe that has no other Pokemon and not explain it if I don’t feel like it. I can indulge in anything, dress it up how I please, and still practice a fun and interesting skill, and CREATE! I LOVE CREATING STORIES!

55) Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

It has to be Sakura Haruno, doesn’t it? Even long past the end of Naruto, she lives on in my heart, in my beloved story Chasm…I own three figures of her for god’s sake. I started caring about her in middle school and I was part of the growing “MultiSaku” fanfic scene in the late 00’s and 2010’s. Even after all these years and all these fandoms and stories and life events and things I had to pass through and carry…I never let go of her.

And no my choice of favorite character to write for is not swayed by any other people, lol please.

56) What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

I think I write very good intense action scenes. Scenes that feel like a razor’s edge slicing your skin that might penetrate and cut through you. I re-read my own action scenes a lot and still feel proud of the ugly, harsh imagery and the suspenseful nature of a movement making you unsure if it will turn out safe for the character or not. I love thinking up “cinematography” for movements like that in my head.

57) Do you prefer editing as you write, or waiting until it’s finished?

Mostly edit as I write, with a final pass over after the draft is finished.

58) What part of the writing process do you enjoy the most? (Brainstorming, outlining, writing, editing, etc)

I feel like I answered this. 58 questions into the 78 I've realized some of these questions are rather similar to each other. The writing part is the best.

59) Does anyone in your personal life know you write fic? if not, would you tell anyone?

My bff and I have been into fanfiction since 2006. Though I don’t think I told her my FFN name until 2010 or 2011. More than a little disappointed that she doesn’t read my fics anyway because we’re not into the same genre and she’s not a person I can talk to about writing either so wtf was the point. Also my brother knows I write fic and is friendly/nice about the concept of fic in general. I certainly don’t share with him but he doesn’t mock fanfic as cringe or a waste or anything.

These two are exceptions. For the most part, HELL NOOOOOOO. I never plan to tell anyone irl I write fic, it is too private and precious to me. Someone irl finding out about my fanfiction or fandom things in general is truly my worst nightmare.

60) Have you had a writer you admire comment on your fic? What was that like?

Yes, a couple of times. Their words meant more than the average commenter of course because they’re on a pedestal in my mind. I know their exceptional work so they damn well know what they’re talking about when they say similar things about my work. That’s the kind of comment I will keep in my email inbox for days if not weeks for easy re-reading.

61) Why do you continue writing fics?

Because I love them. Because I love the art of translating a character into a plot of my making. I love placing my favorite characters into a canvas I made and making them a part of it, and making something that is perfectly suited to ME. It has my colors, only mine, it’s my love letter addressed to me.

62) Thoughts on cliffhangers?

Not many thoughts on cliffhangers. If I write one, I rarely think of it as such, more like, this is a suitable place to end the chapter if possible. The usual “it sucks if you’re a reader, gotta wait for the next update, aw man” whatever.

63) Something you hate to see in smut.

Dirty talk involving one character calling the other a whore or slut. Once in a while I’m into it, usually I’m not. I think I’ve got a bone to pick with…humiliation, or something? Sometimes it can be hot as hell, sometimes it borderline offends me. And that’s a really popular and hell, a NORMAL thing for people to do, like some of the most basic dirty talk there is, so it’s hard to dodge. I have to just scowl a little and keep reading.

64) Something you love to see in smut.

One character acting like an animal. Rutting, biting, licking. Possessive behavior and body worship. Character calling the other one “mine” can be a lame fanfic stereotype but I’m SO INTO THAT

65) Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

Really looking forward to the end battle in my Haikyuu fantasy au where Kageyama is a mage and Hinata is a unicorn. The battle involves KageHina (both human at this time) and also mage Oikawa and Iwaizumi who is in human form but by this point everyone in the story knows he’s actually a dragon. The villain is a unicorn OC who’s filled with rage, resentment and bitterness and wants to make others suffer, she’s a sad bitch but mostly a petty bitch.

In my head, the battle happens to the tune of the final battle theme in Elden Ring (which I have not played) and I just loooove what happens to the villain at the end. It is beyond satisfying, and unexpected, I think. But god, that’s like 50k words away at LEAST.

66) How do you deal with writing pressure (ie. pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc.)?

My pressure comes 95% from ME feeling bad about how long I take. I deal with it by…trying to fucking write and also a lot of feeling bad, idk.

My update schedule is so slow that the shit mentioned in the question does not affect me at all. Also, those things don’t really happen to me? I get almost no negative comments, hell I kind of dream of getting a negative comment because I like thinking up snide, uncaring, rude etc., ways I’d snap back at them. No way in hell would they make me write faster.

67) Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?

I don’t really do prompts or challenges. The closest I can think is a few prompt asks I did her on tumblr, years ago. I did maybe 3 in my entire life. Not really a prompt person. I got WIPs out the wazoo, like I need more on my plate.

68) What, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

Lately I’ve been doing the absolute normie shit of making Pinterest boards. I have about 15 boards that are dedicated to either a specific fanfic or just a common theme in many fics (board for dragons, board for fantasy castles and towns etc). I usually don’t need to like manually force inspiration though, it comes when it comes and I prefer that to needing to use Pinterest tbh.

69) What work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

Oh man, I don’t even know if I want to say the names of some of them haha. Probably one of my various MultiSaku stories from my Stormdragon6 account on FFN, which I’ve had since 2005 when I had just started middle school…I didn't use AO3 until 2014-15 and most of my FFN stories are NOT cross posted there.

I’m sure there’s many on the FFN account that are equally cringe and I don’t really want to look. They meant a lot to me when I wrote them and took quite a lot of effort and time for a teen to do…I’ll keep them in my mind that way instead.

70) When asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

Outside of fandom social media I don’t EVER tell people I write, period. My mom knows I wrote the middle school talking dragon book and STILL once in a while says I should publish it bc she hasn’t read a book in about 15 years and is a horrible judge of good writing. I keep telling her I “forgot” where I put that book but it’s gathering dust in my garage and I hope she eventually goes senile and forgets about it.

Otherwise I haven’t mentioned writing as a hobby to anyone irl but my bff and brother since like 2012. It is EXTREMELY private to me.

71) When it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

I used to just keep two Microsoft Word documents per story (at least longer ones) one for the story itself, whatever most recent chapter I was working on, and a second one for the notes/outline on that story. Sometimes I kept a third one for storing axed/rewritten passages of writing. It was tedious but I knew no other way.

I’m glad I have Scrivener now to keep all those things in one “document” basically which makes it easier to look through it all and compare things side to side.

72) What order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

Chronological! I can’t imagine writing any other way omg ew. Writing a big epic scene when I have'nt written or decided the buildup sounds like a horrible idea. It simply will not be written the same as it would when I know and have experienced all that led up to it.

73) What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

I’m having a lot of trouble with this one. Any quality I can think of, some other people surely do as well. I like focusing on dangerous, scary conflicts and situations that are more horror movie-esque than like, fun? I bring in magical or supernatural creatures whenever I can. I love writing chase scenes especially between two parties in a ship. I ship damn near anything. I have my own flavor when you mix these things together, I guess.

74) You’ve posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you’d written it?

This is getting kind of repetitive again. The stuff I mentioned above. Maybe if there’s a lot of horses, unicorns or talking animals that might be a sign that it’s me…using the possessive behavior tag…shipping Sakura with a man who tried to kill her at least once…nowadays I think the horses/unicorn inclusion would be the biggest clue lol.

75) What scene in [Fanfic Name] took the longest to write? What was difficult about it?

There’s a few scenes in Chasm (MadaSaku dark fantasy, Madara is a huge wingless gryphon) where Sakura has to talk to Madara and/or the Uchiha clan, and they’re big scary monsters and she’s terrified. Pushing these conversations along to get to the point of them while not having the two parties just insulting/dismissing the other, trying to build up a bit of a relationship between them at the same time…was really hard! Those Madara-Sakura talking scenes are HARD! I remember being stuck on the dialogue several times, for ages each time. Gah!!

76) Did you have any ideas that didn’t make the final cut of [Fanfic Name]?

Lots. There’s several stories of mine with pieces that I scrapped (put in the 3rd word doc) and didn’t use. I remember writing that I scrapped 12,000 words of Chasm chapter two back in the day.

Oh I had a scene in the AtsuHina sci-fi horror recently where Atsumu and Hinata get into a van that’s basically a taxi. Suna, Atsumu's friend, is the driver and interrupts when AtsuHina are feeling each other up in the backseat. I forget the timing exactly…but Atsumu playfully asks if Hinata has ever fucked in a taxi, and Suna is right there looking through his little divider window and replies, “* I’ve * fucked in a taxi,” and Atsumu shouts at him to listen to his fucking podcasts and shut the window already.

I thought it was really funny, but I cut it for time/word count and not really fitting the tone of growing ominousness. That chapter ended up at 15k without that scene which was 1k by itself.

77) Do you have a favorite scene you’ve written from [Fanfic Name] story/chapter?

Yes, I really like the writing I used in the “alien Oikawa finally breaks into the ship” scene in Day of the Navigator, end of Chapter 2.

I think its ominous tone is strong at the start, which bursts into shock and horror when Iwaizumi sees the alien at the end of the hallway and almost faints, he imagines his dead captain Ushijima to fucking get up and move, and he bravely stands against the charging alien with a flamethrower. Catches him in a net shot out of a....net gun...first, then burns him with the flamethrower up close. Alienkawa can regenerate tho and will NOT be deterred from claiming and fucking his cute humanbride so he shakes it off.

But god, it was fantastic to write.

-

Oh my god I wrote 77 answers (this took 2 days). Why can’t I write fanfic at this kind of speed. I guess because following a plot matters and takes much more care than 77 individual questions jeeeeeeeeesus I answered 77 questions…sending my corpse to Jammie in the mail

@spacejammie-eimmajecaps

[qqueenofhades]

I'm not looking for a fight, I'm frustrated because you're actually misreading my message. Must be because I'm not an academic myself.

You're setting aside YouTube as a terrible medium in general and one you are above, as an academic. Meanwhile, entire conferences are streamed or uploaded to YouTube. Academics run YouTube channels (and tiktok accounts for that matter).

The reason this is getting to me is because you respond with general statements to a question about a specific youtuber, and Karolina actually does her research much the same an academic would. It upsets me, because you seem to not take her research seriously because she takes a different approach. On top of that, I am of the opinion that academia would in fact become a lot more inclusive if it was more... Tolerant. Of people who do their due diligence but outside of the traditional academic system.

I KNOW that academia is focused on keeping itself intact and has very set ideas on which methodologies to use and which to dismiss. I have degrees. I also know that these can be extremely limiting to how we view history because in the end, it's just words on paper and beyond some engagement with manuscripts, very few tactile or embodied forms of research are allowed within the grand scheme of things.

For someone who applied to (the journal with 85 rejections which starts with p, and I know this because I know academia and academics), I'm surprised you're so immediately and wholly negative towards new mediums.

I'm not saying watch YouTube. I'm saying, maybe dont put these explicit value judgements about all of YouTube in a response that required only a "that's not my thing" when you don't consume any of its media in general. When I said "less is more" I meant that you don't need to explain that YouTube is Frequently Bad, the same way you told me I didn't need to lecture you on academia not being perfect. People know not all media on YouTube is trustworthy, and yet, there is content which IS. And a lady making actual period accurate clothes on videos offers a new insight into history which academia cannot and frequently will not offer and this is the type of additional information that should not be automatically shunned by academics imo because it might very well contribute to the way you think about historical life (since I think we can all agree that no one knows everything and the entire point is to continue learning).

For someone who isn't looking for a fight, you are spending a lot of time sending me very long and angry messages, after I have explained as many times as possible that just because I don't personally engage with that medium, it doesn't mean it's bad, it's just different from what I do and want.

For the last time, I am not automatically and totally shunning anything. I am saying for me as one person, it is not something I use. I think there is absolutely value in doing digital humanities and I do it along with a lot of other people. You felt angry that I said that I don't personally do one thing and extrapolated it into this giant screed about elitism and me hating all nontraditional academics or methods and things that I quite simply did not say. I can't help you if you're angry about what you think I said. I didn't say it and I don't feel that way, so kindly stop putting words in my mouth.

Since we clearly don't understand each other, or you feel that I am determined to misunderstand you while I am pointing out how you're doing that to me, this is the last of your asks that I will respond to. I hope you log off for a bit and enjoy your Sunday. Cheers.

[gregorygerwitz]

okay so... the chances of me turning anon back off at some point this week are not zero. not right away, because I did just post something heavy today and welcome people to use anon if they wanted to talk about anything, and I stand by that. but, uh... I did close out of my app for work and get some notifications.

It's just three of those. Sent within minutes of each other. Which is super great when I had just gotten a super stressful notification (why I was in the work app in the middle of my weekend), and I wasn't already feeling shitty at all.

Obviously, not all of my anons are like this, and I completely understand why the function itself is necessary on this website, but this? Is absolutely uncalled for.

I cannot emphasize how much I am literally just sitting here. I'm writing my little Hallmark AU and catching up on Puppet History and relaxing as much as I can because it's, you know, a Friday night and I have things to do. And this is probably a stupid question, but what is this even about? Is it still because people won't bend to your will while you go around shit talking their friend? Is it because you don't agree with how I ship? I doubt I'll be willing to do whatever bullshit thing you want me to do to make this stop, but oh my god...

You are clearly going through something, anon, and I can try to understand that. It's a rough time of year, we're about to go into a fourth year of a pandemic, we're all more than a little frayed at this point. But this? This is not how to fix that feeling. Taking it out on other people is not okay, and I did not write an essay today about separating yourself from that kind of treatment to get it sent directly into my inbox.

this? the week of not one but two of my attempt anniversaries? seriously?

Do what you have to do to take care of yourself, nonny. Talk to someone, write a journal, find some way to get this all out, but do not continue to take it into the inboxes of people you can't even face. I really hope you get some help, in whatever form you need it, and in a year you can look back and awkwardly laugh at all of this, maybe we'll all be able to, with enough time and reflection. But don't do this. Don't drag others down into whatever you're going through.

You are worth celebrating. Yes, nonny, even you, but so is everyone else. I truly hope you understand that someday soon.

[study-with-aura]

Thursday, May 9, 2024

Not like me at all to finish up my studying while eating lunch and in the car to and from ballet, right? Ha. That sounds exactly like me as of late. No wonder I've felt tired. I am not giving myself much of a break. But I tell myself that I only have a week left and Julien is going to be home soon, and it will be better to study extra now so I can spend more time with my brother when he gets back for the summer. It's only a few more days, and I'll get to see him again. I know I saw him over the winter holidays, but it was not long enough! Yet, I'm going to be gone for a lot of the summer too. It will be okay.

Mom is coming with us on one summer trip as a chaperone, partially because they needed more volunteers and we can afford to pay for a second trip (the cost for one person is pretty high). She wasn't going to at first, but I said it was okay and that it would give Dad and Julien time to be together and us time to be together, as long as she didn't umbrella (hover over) me during the trip, which she promised she wouldn't.

Tomorrow is my harmony exam! I can't believe it is here already! I've been studying during my piano practice times, but this exam is so difficult! Then again I didn't think I would score a distinction in my Advanced Foundation exam so maybe I'll get a higher mark on this than I'm expecting. Then again, I am more serious about ballet than I am piano, though I am still fairly serious about piano too. As long as I pass, that is all that matters. All I need is a 60, and I am good. Albeit, that is only a pass with no honors, but I am praying for a 60 minimum. Although, if I don't overthink like I sometimes do, I could manage at least a 70 I think.

All that being said, I may not get the chance to post tomorrow since my exam is at 9:30 and will take about 3 hours. I will be doing all of my school work of the afternoon before ballet and anything I don't finish on Saturday morning after breakfast if I need to.

I can do this! I am an amazing and awesome human being! I will not doubt myself. I will trust in my abilities because I have worked hard this entire year and I am as ready as I can be. I've got this!

Tasks Completed:

Geometry - 3rd and 4th quarter quarter review

Lit and Comp II - Reviewed Units 10-11 vocabulary + read the news + worked on non-fiction writing assignment (due next Thursday) + CLEP Test practice question + copied/reviewed final study sheet 2

Spanish 2 - Reviewed Los Deportes y El Cuerpo vocabularios + reviewed hacer + que

Bible I - Read Matthew 22

World History - Read about Al-Qaeda + read about ISIS + read about HAMAS + watched a 20-minute video on the origins of HAMAS and its connection to Hitler + watched video on why Al-Qaeda and ISIS hate each other + answered questions on terrorism

Biology with Lab - Learned about worms + filled in graphic organizer chart (next three sections) + continued germination lab

Foundations - Read the definition of wisdom + read another article displaying media bias + read about bias in elections with changing legislation + started writing my argumentative speech

Piano - Practiced for two hours in one hour split sessions

Khan Academy - Completed High School Geometry daily mastery challenge + completed High School biology daily mastery challenge + completed World History Unit 2 test (71% - apparently I need to study this area bit more :|)

CLEP - Completed Sample CLEP Test Questions 76-90

Streaming - Watched The Cuba Libre Story Episode 9

Duolingo - Studied for approximately 30 minutes (Spanish, French, Chinese) + completed daily quests

Reading - Read pages 1-31 of The Weight of Our Sky by Hanna Alkaf

Chores - Put away the dishes + took the trash out

Activities of the Day:

Personal Bible Study (Ecclesiastes 7)

Ballet

Pointe

Journal/Mindfulness

[skylarsin7]

Chapter 5: The Pen or the Sword?

The Wheeler’s home was a nice one, not too large, and with a roomy basement. It was warm, but not exactly inviting. Mr. and Mrs. Wheeler seemed uncomfortable with the sheer number of teenagers in their basement, but at least Mrs. Wheeler seemed to know better than to comment on it. Max immediately parked herself at the desk in the corner, putting on her headphones and blocking everyone else out. They had explained the situation to Lucas, who had promptly peppered them with questions, many of which they did not currently have the answers to. Nancy and Robin went upstairs and Lily found a perch on the corner of one couch. Exhaustion was rapidly seeping into her bones, but her worry over Eddie and who was currently hunting him kept her from sleep. 

“What do you think she is writing?” She could hear Dustin ask. She glanced up, following his gaze to Max, who poured over a stationary set. “My guess? Letters.” She answered. The boys looked at her. “Letters?” Steve asked. Lily nodded. “My dad, before he died, had kept a journal of letters. One for me and one for my mom. He wrote letters for each milestone, every graduation, every performance, and even my wedding. And now that he is gone, it is all I have left of him. I don’t know how he knew he would need it, but he did. I’m guessing Max is doing the same. Writing down what needs to be said before it is too late for her to say it.” The boy’s gazes fell, in turn, on Max. The redhead visibly stiffened, but she didn't turn. Lily left out the part that her mother had burned her copy, unable to handle the grief it had brought as well as the closure. “But we are going to stop Vecna before he can hurt her.” Lucas was insisting. Lily shrugged. “I think it is more of a ‘just in case’ situation.” She said quietly. Her words did not seem to relax him any. 

         Their thoughts were interrupted as Nancy and Robin came down the stairs. They were breathless, and each had a bright smile on their face. “We have a plan.” Nancy announced happily as she reached the basement floor. “Thanks to Nancy’s newspaper minions, we are now rock-star psychology students at the University of Notre Dame.” Robin handed two folios to Steve, who opened them in turn. “I am now Ruth.” Nancy announced, sitting in one of the chairs. “And I’m Rose.. Robin added. Steve glanced at Nancy, a single eyebrow raising. “Ruth?” He asked, a quirky smile lifting one side of his mouth. She smiled sheepishly in return and Lily wondered vaguely the depth of their history. “Nice GPA.” Dustin said, obviously impressed. “Thanks.” Nancy beamed. “So we called Pennhurst Asylum, told them that we would like to speak with Victor Creel for a thesis we’re co-writing on paranoid schizophrenics--” Nancy explained, and Robin jumped in. “To which they said no.” Nancy continued without much pause. “But we did land a three o’clock with the director.” She went on. “Now all we have to do is charm him and convince him to let us talk to Victor.” Robin’s tone was much like Dustin’s had been, infinitely optimistic. Lily glanced at the folios in turn, impressed by their look and feel. If anyone could pull off something like this, she would have believed it to be Nancy. In the short time she had known her, she had found that the older girl had a can-do attitude that didn’t seem to have an off switch. “And maybe we can rid Max of this curse.” Nancy’s voice was hopeful, steely with determination. “Yeah, about that…We’ve been doing our Victor Creel homework and, uh…we have some questions.” Steve said, handing Nancy a list. “Lots of questions.” Lucas added, taking a nervous glance at Max. “So do we. Hopefully Victor has the answers.” Nancy agreed. 

         “Wait, wait…wait a second….where is mine?” Steve asked, his eyes darting back and forth between the girls. Nancy gave him a sympathetic smile in lieu of an answer, grabbing the folios back from him. She rose from her chair, climbing the stairs without another word. Steve hesitated only a moment before following after her, Robin on his heels.

          “Nancy, you are out of your mind if you think I’m babysitting again.” He said hotly as he followed her into her room. Nancy opened her closet, pawing through her outfits and judging each one carefully. “Okay, first of all, they aren’t babies anymore. And Max is in real danger. She needs people around her. To protect her.” She explained. Steve sighed, pacing, his hands cradled in the curve of his hips. Nancy pretended not to notice. “Besides,  have you taken a look at Lily lately? She is really pale and looks like she is about to pass out at any moment. She needs someone to look after her too. She is clearly too worried about Eddie to think of herself…" She pointed out. Steve sighed again. “I know, but why me?” He asked, but was interrupted as Robin entered the room, making a beeline for the Tom Cruise poster. She shot Nancy a knowing glance. “You have a Tom Cruise poster.” She said as she wiggled her eyebrows. “Can you not touch anything?” Nancy said, her voice edged with annoyance. She cast Steve a glance that clearly questioned why he would be opposed to looking after a pretty girl like Lily. But she cast the question aside as her annoyance won out. Annoyance at Steve for acting like a petulant child, and Robin for being so nosey. 

         “It's just, I can’t do anything here, Nance. Maybe I can be helpful with this asylum director dude. I don’t know. Maybe I can turn on my…my charm?” He offered, grasping at straws. Anything to be of some other use than a babysitter.  “Not the kind of charm we need.” Nancy replied flatly. Steve looked hurt. “Ouch.” He confirmed, his voice a wounded sounding whine. Nancy paused in her search with a heavy sigh. “No, it’s just…I did a little digging last night, and it turns out that this Dr. Hatch is a distinguished member of the American Psychiatric Association, and a Harvard visiting scholar, okay?" Steve made to reply but she cut him off. "This is a lifelong student of the world. And If we are going to win him over and get what we need, we are going to have to convince him that we are as well. That, like him, we are true academic scholars.” She spoke matter-of-factly, returning her attention to her closet. Robin turned to the pair, holding up Nancy’s jewelry box. “Holy shit, there is a tiny ballerina in here.” She said, as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world. Steve rolled his eyes. “Academic scholar? She is giving you academic scholar vibes? Yeah, okay.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm, but Nancy ignored it. “Not yet but, she will.”  Nancy said with certainty, holding up a pink ruffled monstrosity of a blouse. Robin’s jaw fell slack, her eyes wide. “Oh, please tell me you are joking.”  

         Steve returned to the basement with a defeated look on his face. Lily guessed that whatever he had hoped to accomplish by following the girls upstairs had not gone according to his plan. The fact that he was coming back down to them at all suggested that he was once again on babysitting duty. Lily hoped she hadn’t been lumped in with the other children. She would be eighteen in two days and could take care of herself, thank you very much. He plopped down on the couch between Lucas and Dustin, grabbing the baseball off the coffee table. He threw his head back, tossing the ball up and catching it again. “Lily, have you eaten at all today?” He asked, not looking at her. Lily was startled by his direct addressing of her. “N-no…” She stammered. Steve’s eyes met hers, exasperation and worry in his gaze. “You look really pale. You should go upstairs and get something to eat. Don’t need you passing out on me.” He said, his voice tired. She rose, the look on his face stifling any argument she may have had.  

Steve watched as she climbed the stairs. Nancy had been right. He hadn't been paying attention. Lily looked almost ghostly, a wash of a blush sitting high on her cheekbones had been the only color on her face. Her hazel eyes were wide, in a nearly constant expression of worry and fear. He should have been paying closer attention. He threw the ball up into the air again, catching it easily. He would prove to Nancy that he was useful, and as much as he hated the idea of being left behind again, he would start by taking care of these kids.

  The house was quiet, the television murmuring softly in the living room as Lily entered the rest of the house. There was only the occasional grunt or sigh coming from Mr. Wheeler. The sun was just over the horizon in the east when she stepped into the kitchen. She found Mrs. Wheeler there, and it looked like she was making coffee. “Mrs. Wheeler, I was wondering if you had anything I could nibble on?” She asked quietly. Mrs. Wheeler offered her a small but warm smile. That smile made Lily's heart clench. Mrs. Wheeler seemed kind, albeit a little stiff. She wondered vaguely if her own mother would have felt the same way if the roles had been reversed. “Of course dear, I have toaster pastries, cheese crackers, pretzels, and fruit. What would you prefer?” Lily swallowed, food not really sounding appealing, but she recognized the need to eat. “Crackers will be fine.” She replied. Mrs. Wheeler made her a zippy bag of crackers and after a word of thanks, Lily turned away. She'd barely made it to the door of the basement when Nancy’s voice caught her attention. 

“Oh, Lily, why don’t you come up here. We can get you some clothes.” Lily hesitated, wondering briefly what was wrong with her current attire, then nodded. Her pajamas were starting to look a bit dingy. She climbed the stairs to Nancy’s room, where Robin was staring dejectedly at the outfit Nancy had chosen for her. Lily didn’t comment, but hoped against hope that she would not be forced to wear such a frilly, girly number. That was most definitely not her style. “We look to be about the same size, so, here…” Nancy pulled out a soft sweater and pants set in shades of hunter green and beige. Lily smiled, taking the hangers from her. “Thank you Nance, it is very nice of you to lend me these.” Nancy nodded with a soft shrug. “I figured you might be a little warmer in pants than those shorts you have on. As for your slippers…” Lily glanced down, wiggling her toes, which made the dragon heads nod. “Let’s get you some more…practical shoes.” 

Lily came back into the basement in ballet flats, her long hair brushed and tied back in a neat braid, her flyaways wrangled into submission by an army of bobby pins. Max was handing out envelopes to the boys, and turned as Lily joined them. Max handed her an envelope, her name scrawled across it in a slightly messy script. “It’s not very long, but…here.” She said. Lily offered her a soft smile, shaking her head. “This won’t be necessary. We won’t let that creep get to you. I never want to have to read that.” She said quietly, pressing the letter back into the redhead’s hand. She meant what she said. She never wanted to have to read Max's goodbye. Max didn’t argue, but turned away, picking up Dustin’s walkie. She stuffed the letter into her coat pocket. “If we go to East Hawkins, do you think that this will still reach Pennhurst?” She asked, casting a side eye at Dustin. “Why?” Steve asked, a split second before the answer dawned on him. “No, no…NO.” He said, but Max's face clearly stated that she wasn't about to take that as an answer. 

Max made her way out to the car, the group following closely after her. “Max, I am not driving you anywhere…” Steve protested. “If you think I am going to spend what is likely the last day of my life in the armpit known as Mike’s basement, you are out of your mind. Because if you want to stop me you will have to tie me up, which would be considered kidnapping of a minor, and if I live to see another day Steve, I swear to god I will prosecute.” Lily was impressed, albeit grateful she wasn’t currently being addressed by the redhead. She had been told that Max had a razor sharp tongue, but this was something else. Max tugged on the handle, rounding on Steve when she found it was locked. “Open the door.” She demanded. “Uh, no.” Steve answered. “I know a good lawyer.” Max threatened, daring him to refuse her again. Steve stared at her incredulously a moment longer before relenting, a heavy sigh escaping him. There were so many curses in that one sound alone, Lily had to suppress a chuckle. Steve, she had decided, was clearly the mother hen of the group. And the fact that he cared so much earned him several points in her book. “Henderson, that super walkie of yours better reach Pennhurst.” He warned as he unlocked the car. Max opened her door but paused, turning back towards the house. She stood stock still a moment before Lily heard it too. The chime of a grandfather clock. 

They rode in silence all the way through town. Lily watched the scenery pass by the window, slowly recognizing the landscape as they neared the trailer park. The taped off trailer came into view, ominous and dark. Lily’s heart hammered, her thoughts straying to Eddie. She hoped that he was doing okay. 

The car was no sooner parked than Max all but launched herself out of it. The boys followed suit, and Steve was already barking instructions. “Twenty seconds.” Max called over her shoulder as she disappeared into her own trailer. Lily could not shake the feeling of foreboding as it settled in her stomach. Her gut twisted, the crackers she had eaten threatening to come back up and haunt her. Something wasn’t right. She closed her eyes, focusing on her breathing, focusing on calming her racing heartbeat. The chiming came again and Lily’s eyes flew open, just in time to see Max race around the side of the house, a stricken expression on her face. “That was longer than twenty seconds.” Steve chastised her. His tone was slightly playful, but that warmth vanished quickly as he saw the look on her face. She edged past him, making no comment. “Whoa, whoa, you okay?” He asked, picking up on her distress. “I’m fine, just drive.” She said shortly, climbing back into the car. Lily shifted closer to Lucas, giving Max a little more room. The redhead offered her a slight smile of gratitude. “Did something happen?” Dustin asked. Max’s smile faded. “Can we just go?” She replied, refusing to answer his question. Lily placed a gentle hand on her arm in a gesture of reassurance. Max didn’t smile, but looked away. 

***

Steve drove along the main road that led back into Hawkins, stealing glances at Max in the rearview. Max ignored him, staring stubbornly through the window. “Turn here.” She demanded, as they came upon a side road. “Here?” Dustin asked, and something in his tone had the foreboding in Lily’s stomach growing rapidly. Max nodded, but said nothing. Steve braked, pulling into a drive for Roane Hill Cemetery. It was a winding, paved road that cut sharp curves into a manicured lawn, shade trees cross crossing the space overhead. Lily shivered. She didn’t know of anyone that had good memories of cemeteries, but hers were especially bad. Lily’s heart went out to Max at once. She wondered vaguely who they were here to see. Steve followed the drive, pausing by a cluster of trees heavy with Spanish moss. Once again, Max barely waited for the car to come to a full stop before she was getting out. Lily was reluctant to follow, but Lucas didn’t hesitate, chasing after Max with all he was worth, calling to her. Lily watched them, her heart aching for him as he beseeched her. Max’s face was an indifferent mask, but Lily knew that it was just that. A mask. She couldn't hear their exchange of words, but could see the desperation in Lucas’ face. She wanted to offer her own thoughts, but doubted it would either be wanted or welcomed. 

Max turned away from him with finality and started up the hill to one of the gravestones. As she settled down, she pulled an envelope out of her pocket. Lily watched her for a few moments before her gaze wandered, her own memories surfacing. 

It was a clear summer's day, clouds puffy and cheerful, the sun smiling down on the congregation. Fifteen-year-old Lily stood away from the other grievers, and wished desperately for rain. At least if it rained, the tears of the sky could hide her own as they raced down her cheeks. She could still smell the freshly turned earth of the grave. The stone before her bore a name she had hoped wouldn’t have been inscribed for many years to come. “Martin Lewis Halen. Age 39. Beloved Father and Husband. Gone but not Forgotten.” Her heart felt like it was permanently lodged in her throat, cutting off her air as it splintered into pieces. Her life would never be the same again.

It was less than eight months later that her mother was engaged again. Society had deemed it impossible for a widow and her daughter to grieve as so many things required a man’s touch. The man she had chosen to fill the void was nice enough in the beginning, but as soon as the I do’s were said, had shown his true colors. Pastor Arland Ramsey, an officer of the Lord, member of the Holy Trinity Coalition of Philadelphia had the perfect home, the perfect wife, the perfect image. And now he had the means for a perfect, charity-cause family. Only Lily was the missing link. She was too much her father’s rebel daughter to conform to the will of her stepfather, and would often pay the price for those trespasses. She would bear a variety of bruises and even a few scars for her insolence. 

Lily was pulled from her memories by Steve frantically yelling Max’s name. Lily’s heart dropped into her shoes. Something was terribly, terribly wrong. The chiming of the clock reached Lily’s ears and she broke into a run, alerting the others to the trouble. “Max!” She screamed as she bolted up the hill, sliding on her knees beside the pair. Steve shook Max’s shoulder, but the girl’s blue eyes were rolled back in her head and she didn’t respond. It was just like what had happened in the shrink's office at school. Lily touched Max's shoulder, a shudder climbing up her arm. 

Her vision darkened, and Lily found herself surrounded by fog, the tombstones jutting through it like mismatched teeth. She was alone, which had panic flooding her system like ice water. "MAX! DUSTIN! STEVE!" She called, her eyes sweeping the graveyard. There was no response, nothing but her voice echoing around her. She started walking, calling each name as she swept her gaze from side to side. A growl reached her ears. "Liliana…"  The grandfather clock chimed ominously, drawing Lily's attention to her right. A sickening reddish glow rose through the fog. "MAX!!!" She called again, but the only sound was the gong of the clock and the sound of her own frantic breathing. "MAX!!" The name clapped back and forth. "LILY!!" Came an answer she recognized as the redhead's. Her voice echoed as if far away. She sounded frantic. "Where are you!?" Lily's heart beat erratically, blood singing in her ears. A pounding began in her temples and she nearly doubled over with the near-blinding intensity. "LILY, HELP!!!" Max's voice came again, but it sounded even further away. "MAX!!" Lily screamed, but the world spun and she collapsed with it. 

  Lily awoke to the sound of voices screaming simultaneously for both her and Max. She struggled to open her eyes, but her head felt like it was splitting in two. Someone shook her, and not gently. She managed a soft moan of pain in response. "Oh my god, Lily!" She could hear Dustin's voice above Lucas', who still called frantically for Max. Lily struggled to make her limbs obey her, gradually managing to lift her head. "Dustin? What--" He didn't seem to hear her. Her eyes slit open, then shot wide. Max was hanging in the air above her, her limbs limp and her head tilted back. Like a macabre marionette on its strings. Just as Eddie had described. Lily's heart clenched painfully. "No…" She breathed. She forced herself up, gasping as sharp agony lanced through her skull. She tasted copper and her hand flew to her lip, coming away streaked with crimson. Blood. She wasn't sure if she had bitten herself, but with the tingling in her nose, she suspected otherwise. She wiped it off quickly, cleaning it away on the grass.  As if the spell had been broken, Max came awake with a gasp and in a free fall, dropped to the ground. Lucas had her in his arms the next moment, holding her tightly as she hyperventilated, gripping onto him for dear life. "I thought we'd lost you." Lucas told her breathlessly, every syllable edged in sharp relief. "I'm still here….I'm still here…" She repeated the words like a mantra, and Lily wasn't sure if it was for their benefit or her own. She didn’t have time to ponder it though. The world started to spin again and Lily fell back against the grass, her tunnel of vision going dark as she passed out.

[themiscyreian]

Maia’s Day (but not yet)

I’ve had a hard time finding a good bit of scripture for Maia’s day. Not for lack of material! But no one passage has seemed perfect. Considering how we are slowly (though not completely) leaving behind the very narrative season of the Daughter, it’s not surprising that it has been challenging to find scripture to suit the more elusive themes of this festival and others upcoming...

I’ve found that many of the passages of Scripture I am considering take on a rather negative tone toward the illusions of Maia, but I feel it is just as important to remember the positive aspects (especially on this day which is also a celebration of flowers!) For this day, the Chapel uses a quote from the Devi Gita which I quite like, which encapsulates both aspects, but I am not very familiar with the Devi Gita, and do not own a copy.

I’ve found that in considering this question, I often end up thinking about the nature of the scriptures themselves. Perhaps this is because we are currently between the time of the Resurrection (Eastre) and the Exaltation. In the scriptures, this is the time where it is said that the Daughter teaches the children of the earth “many hidden things”, which I have recently taken as inspiration to celebrate the Scriptures themselves (and my study of them) in this season! 

Maybe I’m just a nerd wanting a season/holiday for analyzing Scripture? 😋 In any case, I feel like this would fall under the domain of Our Lady as Princess of the World, but this idea is purely my own.

Eventually, I managed to circle back to the idea of Maia’s day. I think there is a parallel to be seen between the gift of Scripture and the gift of the world-illusion. Both are Teachings that we may witness and contemplate to grow closer to God. The beautiful prose and messages of the Clear Recital parallel the beauty of nature as well as the kindness and good in the world.

I could wax on this topic for...way too long (this is the subject of a lot of my journal writing lately lol) Anyhow, I’ve still got to decide on a passage for Maia’s day...(but at least now I have a few more ideas)

💕

p.s. Other topics that didn’t make it into this post that I could go on about: why I love reading the Creation on & after Eastre, the really interesting history of springtime holidays, & why it Just Makes Sense for the new year to come in March instead of January (sarcasm but not entirely)

(Can you tell Spring is my favorite season? oops)