#am i strong enough to sit through an entire season of this? i really dont think so man

[someartistsammy]

if the mys s7 animation style all looks like this i will not survive watching it even out of curiosity/ for the sake of closure. i do not want to see titted up curvy blocks.

[aldertreegroves]

alrighty y’all.

I’ve been a bit afraid to write up my final thoughts on Red Rising by Pierce Brown because this book series has a cult following, and I’d love to sit here and tell you I understand why, but I truly can’t. A reminder before I get torn to threads that taste is subjective and I’m not telling you that you can’t enjoy these books! I’m just saying, I very much did not. <3

This book felt like a dumpster fire from start to finish. I posted earlier, when I was less than a quarter through the book with some of my issues with the book (the lack of originality, the insufferable main character, the clunky dialogue and overall just poor writing in general, and the way that all women are portrayed in the book as less than) and unfortunately for me, it did not get better. I read a review from someone else that said this book felt like if an angry 12 year old boy rewrote the hunger games and it made me laugh because I couldn’t agree more. There are so many elements of the story that remind me of other stories and it just makes the whole story fall very flat and feel very unoriginal, and very try hard. Despite the brutality in the story, it very much reads like a bad young adult dystopian novel, and good lord have I read my fair share of those.

One of the biggest issues I had with this book was the extreme misogyny. All of the female characters are constantly treated as less than, they are never seen as strong leaders, and if they are, they are quickly defeated by you guessed it, the strong macho men. The women are seen as prizes to be won in the games of war, the amount of extreme violence against them was astonishing. To me- it didn’t fit within the world of the book. These women are literally genetically modified to be the best humans in the world/universe, and so why are they seen as weaker and smaller and frailer than the men, and then dealing with all of this violence against them? Maybe it was supposed to be a “lord of the flies” type of moment, but if so, it was not written clearly enough, and instead just reads as misogyny coming from pierce brown himself? I’m not sure, but it didn’t feel right, and it was also painful to read. I was told that there was a reason behind it and that it gets explained at the end of the book, and maybe I’m just missing something, but I didn’t catch it, and also, I don’t want to have to sit through an entire book of misogynistic and at times, extremely homophobic (the pixies comments throughout the book feel a little ick to me personally, I dont love it.) bullshit for no real reason.

I’ve read a lot of sci-fi and fantasy this year, in fact, I’ve read almost exclusively sci-fi and fantasy, and Red Rising was probably one of the worst books I’ve read this year, but, it’s so loved by many, and I was encouraged to finish it because “it gets better!” I am still debating on reading the second book because again, I’ve heard it gets better, but I’ve also got three other sci-fi books on my tbr list that I know for a fact are going to be good (the second murderbot diary’s book, the new edition of the bone season which I’m so excited to dive into as soon as I finish my current read, which is the traitor of baru cormorant, which is such a nice pallet cleanser, and then I’ve got two neil shusterman books I want to dive into) and so I’m not so sure I want to devote the time or energy into it.

All in all, I went into this book not expecting much, just knowing that I heard many mixed reviews. I wanted to like the story, I really did, but it felt like a poor rendition of a bunch of other, better written, better executed, dystopian stories, mixed with some white boy misogyny, homophobia and rage. I ended up giving it a 1.5 stars out of 5 and I still feel like that’s being generous.

[utterlyinevitable]

okay ofc i need to know YOUR thoughts + thots on s2 asap please!!! i already rambled so much under the ask you sent me so please dont hold back hsjsjddkdk gimme ALL your opinions 🤲🏼🤲🏼🤲🏼🤲🏼🤲🏼

hello hello helloooo

i am going to simultaneously read your response + ramble my own thoughts ++ inform you that i read the books after s1 came out and The Viscount Who Loved Me is tied for my favorite of the series. The enemies-to-lovers was absolutely delicious (i do have words on how this was handled in the series 😠)

i wanted the entire season in one sitting so i will do my best not to spoil the ending, but it all blends together. sorry in advance!

ok first and foremost i am OBSESSED with how they made the sheffield nee sharma's of indian descent. so much better than the book because of the heritage and no need for kate's traumatic backstory similar to anthonys anymore. ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT.

all of your thots are correct. i concur. johnny b done did us proud. all of the gifs of him looking at kate and smelling her has me swooning STILL. ugh i cannot wait to see his character growth in the next two seasons. i want to say more but will refrain until after you watch the last episode. let us put a pin in this thot 📌

SHE PLAYED THIS CHARACTER SO WELL. Kate is an absolute entitled bitch in the book and series kate? just a woman wanting the best for her sister and not putting up with societys bullshit. Yes yes. her face and eyes and just HER 🔥🔥 Can we talk about her little lilac lingerie in the garden scene? I want.

actually let us talk more about that garden sex scene because HOLY HELL. Anthony Bridgerton in the book would NEVER. Never ever make their first (and few after) all about Kate. The Anthony of the book was very set in his 'wed bed bred' ways and not falling in love with his wife. In the books the bee scene is ICONIC. It came too soon in the series because in the books Ant actually freaks the fuck out and tries to suck the sting out of Kate's tit and Violet and Mary catch them. So she's compromised and they have a swift wedding. The rest of the book is him is being grumpy and gold to his viscountess and not falling in love with her.

Anthony never proposed to Edwina in the book either. That wedding arc was TOO MUCH. I hated it. Book Kate and Edwina have SUCH a strong relationship that Edwina actually was steering the Kathony ship even when he was still set on courting Edwina. Yelling at Kate and being angry was waaay too ooc for our diamond.

the series robbed us of even more BEAUTIFUL build up and hate sex and trying not to love the sex with them sex and the 'i don't need no one' sex and kathony being absolute SLUTS for one another.

THEIR CHEMISTRY IS SO SO GOOD IN THE SHOW. Brilliant. Wonderful. Would watch another season dedicated to them.

I honestly cried every time they talked about Edmund. My poor traumatized Ant bby. (and violet. i cannot imagine that heartbreak esp whilst pregnant. never wanna go through that)

LOATHING ANTHONY IS THE POINT!!!!!!! He's the character you're meant to hate and omfg he does it so well. literally shaving off those mutton chops makes the man at least 70% more lovable. Make the man 6'5, piercing blue eyes, and a pixel with a passion for medicine and i mean --- Anthony is a boy that had to grow to a man at 19, responsible for that big ol' loving family. Poor kid.

Your rant is not long enough and I am expecting even more after you've finished the series!! rapid fire responses:

agreed, tho simon would have stolen the show and all i'd like to see is the pull out duke™'s butt

danbury is the best and i am so happy she is an actual character of chaos / plot driver in the series instead of a side whatever in the books (really only an important character to hyacinths story)

wish there was more mary. her standing up for herself and her daughters at dinner was an iconic moment. also for not slut shaming kate. mother of the universe award right here.

i feel bad for the actress who played edwina. she played the lot she was given well, but obvi getting engaged and being the runaway bride has left a sour taste for everyone. the 'half sister' HURT SO BAD. book edwina would never. they're full sisters and soulmates and you can't tell these two otherwise.

i have a TYPE irl. i am painfully aware of. Benedict is my type and ohhhhh boy s3 here we come

spoiler alert: in the books marina walks into a lake and drowns because her post partem was so bad. so i was watching this scene insert like 👀👀👀 gurl r u ok??

my heart BREAKS for pen and eloise. that relationship was always so strong and idek what is going on anymore.

THANK YOU. WHYYY did they push portia and her lord(?) to have a thing? what was the point of that? did portia have an enlightenment and is gonna stop being snakey in the next few seasons? doubt it.

orchestral versions of pop songs is my love language.

ok.. if we're going by the books then s3 is about benedict and his 'cinderella' story. also sets up fran's season and getting married. and setting up colin making things right with penelope. and idk what is going on with eloise and pen becuase shonda has gone ROGUE.

ahhhh thank you for indulging me mal <33

[benwllbond]

If you are still taking Robin/Julian prompts, can I please get some fluff with the two of them teaming up to play online chess and talking smack about their opponent?

i hope u enjoy this!! sorry its taken a little while for me to get done, i hope its kind of what u had in mind?? trying to write dialogue for julian is very difficult but i hope its okay!! if anyone has any more robin/julian prompts feel free to send them to me :)

i don't believe this has any spoilers for s3, but if u r super worried, this is written through the lens of having seen season 3, so there may be subtleties or something but i dont think so?

---

Chess had been Julian and Robin’s “thing” for as long as Julian had been at Button House, give or take a few days. They would spend hours sitting at the chess board, initially attempting to teach Robin the basics of the game, and then later trying to keep in their minds the placements of all the pieces as they played.

The board that had sat for years, when Heather owned the house, untouched and gathering dust, had been a host for years of memories, chronicling so many of the major points in what was shared between them, from the very beginning, when Julian had died and Robin had first elected to take part in the game, to now, with Alison and Mike in the house, shaking up their routines completely. It seemed to Julian that all of the most important moments in his death could somehow be linked back to that chessboard.

As such, it made sense that the both of them were resistant to change. The idea seemed sacreligious, almost, and although that would usually push Julian in favour of something, this all felt entirely wrong to him. Alison’s offer to let them leave the table where Julian had first learnt of his ability, the pieces Robin had learnt to play with, although tempting, had initially seemed too much.

Vaguely surprisingly, it was Robin who came around first; possibly it was the man’s familiarity with change - nothing much was left the same over the thousands of years he had lived on the land of Button House - or maybe it was just the intrigue offered by the prospect of the online medium, but after a brief consideration, he was more than willing to give Alison’s suggestion a try - and to pester Julian about it.

“We make good team,” he explained one evening, as they sat in one of the sitting rooms, enjoying the ambiance of the fire, “And we can both win game then!”

Julian did have to concede that he had a point there, but despite how much he enjoyed utilising Alison’s new technologies, he couldn’t quite find himself willing to let go of their little chess board, no matter how ridiculously sappy and pathetic it sounded. The temptation to try this online chess game was strong, but Julian couldn’t. He just couldn’t.

“You just want to make all this extra work for me, don’t you,” he whinged, “Of course you’d go along with it, it's nothing to you!”

He didn’t even have to look to see Robin’s eyeroll.

“You as whiny as Thomas.”

Julian screwed his face up at the idea, before dramatically falling onto Robin, spreading himself out across the couch, his head in the caveman’s lap.

“I guess I can possibly consider doing this,” he groaned dramatically, and Robin couldn’t help but shake his head - he really was becoming far too much like the poet.

Nevertheless, however, he smiled down at Julian, who still had a ridiculously put out expression on his face.

“Love you.”

--

Julian didn’t like admitting he was wrong, but despite the awful cramps he was getting in his hand, if he were being honest, this was awfully fun.

He was still unsure if it was as good as playing against Robin, trying to keep up with where all the pieces had been moved, but it certainly had proven to be fun, so far at least, to play with him instead. It was nice to shake things up a bit, he figured, after 30 odd years of almost daily games, something new was nice.

“Take his prawn!” Robin exclaimed from next to him, animatedly pointing at the screen.

Obligingly, Julian agreed, wincing as he clicked the touchscreen to move the piece. “This is the last game for today, okay? This is hard work for me!”

“You not know hard work if it right in front of you,” Robin muttered, unhappy at the thought of losing his new favourite hobby for the rest of the day.

Before Julian had even had the chance to respond indignantly to that comment, Robin interjected,

“Dickhead!”

When Julian returned his focus to the screen, he saw that their opponent had taken their queen. Yeah, dickhead sounded about right.

The pair spent a moment in silence, staring analytically at the screen, contemplating their next move, calculating their next step. As the timer on the side of their screen continued to count down, Julian’s eyes widened in realisation and he began attempting to click the screen. When he saw what Julian was trying to do, Robin let out a pre-emptive celebratory cheer.

“Checkmate! We win!”

And sure enough, after a couple of attempts where his hand passed through the screen, when Julian managed to move the piece, the screen lit up with the message that they’d won.

“Aha! I told you, not just a handsome face!”

Robin rolled his eyes, but nonetheless, raised his hand, grinning, and Julian high fived him, somewhat reluctantly, because he knew what was going to happen next - the caveman was, if nothing else, predictable.

“We play again?” He asked, looking hopefully at Julian and he grimaced, both from the pain because his hands really were cramping really quite badly, and because he knew, as much as he prided himself in his ability to act in his own self interest, that he wouldn’t be able to say no to Robin.

“Genuinely though, one more game. That’s it, or you have to make Alison come and press all these buttons for you because my hands can not take any more of this! I am a respected politician, and will not stand for being treated like your slave, pressing all these buttons for you… I guess that is the burden of being the most skilled…”

Robin let Julian’s ranting and raving blend into the background for a moment, before deciding he had most definitely had enough - jabbing him in the ribs with his elbow proved to be a good enough solution to that problem.

Before Julian could start on a whole new tangent about his deserved respect, Robin gestured to the screen, reminding him of what was actually important.

“Game on!”

[daggerpawstudios]

Regarding your "Is it wrong that I'm not excited for Ice Queendom"…

I agree.

Part of what I love about RWBY is that it NO LONGER is a school setting. It's across the world.

RWBY Chibi is enough for the school setting. But RWBY the show needs to go beyond.

What confuses me is how people claim RWBY has no worldbuilding, look at only volumes 1-3, and use that as their basis to judge the entire show.

I find it all confusing.

But at least the Japanese VAs for Yang and Blake ship Bumbleby.

Same.

I think going back to Beacon is redundant and has been repeated so many times now. Most of RWBY submilinary content takes place in Beacon... which is annoying: RWBY Chibi, All the RWBY mangas, and some of the RWBY Comics even go back to Beacon as well. I hate when people say that there is no world building in RWBY because there is world building in RWBY! But, I am not going to lie, when the creators keep going back to beginning it does begin to look like the world building is lacking a bit. I would perfer if we got content for Mistral and Haven since we really didnt get see much of that place in Volume 4 to Volume 5. For example, what if they did a mini animated series that showed the adventures of team RNJR in Mistral, or what if we saw Oscar's life with his aunt, neighbors and learned more about the area he is from. I always wondered why Oscar's family decided to live out of the kingdoms.

The currently storyline for RWBY is interesting and I would love to learn more about that. I love seeing the world of Remnant, more than I love seeing Beacon. No Shade to anyone :)

A lot of the original fans of the show enjoy the Beacon days because it is pretty nostalgic for them and it has memoriable moments. The world building for the first three volumes is pretty strong in terms of exposition, and how things work. So, I dont blame people for enjoying those first three volumes the most. Plus, that is the start of the show, so for people that fell off of at Volume 5 or Volume 6, they can also go back to those first three seasons.

Plus, I think a lot of Japanese fans enjoy Volume 1 to 3 as well.

It just sucks that we have to sit through another Beacon Arc what-if series. Hopefully, when IceQueedom gets to Atlas, it will explain more about Solitas and how the government works because that is the only thing that will make the show worth while to me. Oh? Thank god the actresses support Bumbleby! :)

[tinygaysheep-blog]

THIS MIGHT BE A REACH BUT I THINK I’M ONTO SOMETHING HERE.

OKAY OKAY SO LISTEN  There’s a lot of discorse about the new season and that’s understandable BUT I want you guys to look at something with me for a second. 

 I wanna talk about Keith and Lance. We all know Keith’s going through a lot, the blade of marmora is convincing him his own life matters less than the mission, that if he died it would just be for the greater good of the cause. So he’s pulling away, trying to make it so that Voltron doesn’t need him so that he could be... disposable. 

So Keith talks to Shiro and tries to get him to go back to being the black paladin. And *cough cough* fake *cough* Shiro tells him to buckle the heck up and stop whining and just be the black paladin. He doesn’t see, in that moment just what Keith is trying to do. So he gets mad. 

This is a face of pure dissapointment in Shiro. And Keith sees it. He really sees it, and feels it too. But he doesnt know what to do about it.

He’s the lone wolf, right? He doesn’t know how to function in a team properly. In the B.O.M he’s much more independant. Yes, he gets orders and people he goes on with missions but if you really watch most of those missions involve very little teamwork. 

So Keith is pulling away, but at the same time he’s getting the rejection from everyone in the team that’s pushing him away. When he shows up late in the begining of episode one Hunk, Pidge and Lance are super pissed at him, right? 

Right? 

No, go back and look at Lance. He’s not angry. He’s worried. 

Yeah, he says “Are you even taking this seriously?” But think about it. Keith is someone who throws himself into missions. He takes everything he does seriously and he puts a 100% of himself into what he does. He doesn’t half ass things, and it pays off. He gets results. 

Lance is used to seeing Keith do well. At the Garrison he was top of the class, when he was still with Voltron he usually spent his free time training. And now, all of a sudden he’s late to missions, falling behind while he’s the leader. 

Not only that but remember this scene? 

 Again,everyone looks super pissed right? No look at Lance. 

And remember the dialogue?  Allura:You keep saying you’re sorry but your actions say otherwise. Do you realise that your actions put the entire team in jeoprady?  Lance: And not Just the team but the refugees too. 

and again, look at his face as he says it. 

He’s not angry. He’s confused there. Think about it. What did Keith tell Pidge when she tried to leave? That other people’s lives were at stake if she left. Keith cares about the people he’s out there protecting. Lance understands that this is not how Keith normally is. 

We know that they got closer in season 3 with Lance opening up to Keith and all and you might even call them friends. Sure he’s not as close as (the real) Shiro is to Keith, but he’s close enough to see Keith isn’t himself. 

But what if... what if Keith did open up. 

I get that this might be somewhat of a reach BUT if you watch Keith’s vlog, it’s very likely he wasn’t alone when he filmed it (he looks like he’s talking to someone off camera. but also tells them to get them out of there. Not only that but the camera turns off and from how emotional he got and the way he was walking its unlikely he turned it off and if you watch Allura’s vlog, she definitely gets closer to turn it off). Now my first thought would be that seeming it’s tech related it would be likely that Pidge would be with him. 

But it doesn’t seem like something that Pidge would be into. Sitting and making vlogs with the paladins. Not her style. 

Okay so maybe Coran? He was the first to upload a vlog, and the camera might be some castle gear? Sounds reasonable enough. But why only be there for Keith’s vlog? Allura was definitely alone during her’s. Also, I dont see them having the kind of bond where Keith would say any of that to Coran. No offense Space unc, we love you. 

OKAY so not Coran or Pidge... so maybe Allura? 

No, the bond isn’t strong enough. As someone who is pretty similar to Keith in defense mechanisms, I don’t see him trusting her to a point where he’s this open with her especially after what happened the last time he opened up about his Galra identity. 

(We all know where I’m going with this, but for argument’s sake; I will keep going. Feel free to skip ahead.) 

Okay so Hunk maybe? He has the tech know-how and stood up for Keith during the whole Galra thing. Even if he did tease him a little... Okay but even then they haven’t really had much bonding since then. I suppose it’s possible if Keith was feeling particularly vulnerable and whatever. But... Would Hunk really bother Keith to make a vlog? and would Keith ask Hunk to help with a vlog? 

It doesn’t really seem in character. Yes, they’re closer but still... not close enough. 

So that leaves Shiro and Lance. First, lets look at why I don’t think it’s Shiro. 

As we know Shiro is someone Keith looks up to. He’s always extremely respectful towards him and it shows in his facial expressions and way of speaking. 

but then look at this; 

Thats not a face Keith would make at Shiro.

You know who he does make faces like that at? 

L A N C E 

So lets think about this. Does Lance have the tech know how? Well he’s always stealing Pidge’s shit so I’mma go ahead and say, yeah to that one. Allura seems equally technically inclined as Lance, so seeming she has no trouble with it that makes sense. 

And even if Keith didn’t ask Lance to help him with his vlog, you know what does seem Lance like? Suggesting Keith makes a vlog. 

So lets asume here, for a moment that Lance knows about Keith’s abandonment issues. That would explain why he looks so worried in the screenshot from before, right? He knows Keith is feeling rejected by his team and he knows that Keith’s behaviour has changed since he started working more with the blade. 

But while they got closer in season 3, and Lance has a better understanding of Keith now, I also think Keith was eager to put some distance between them after that outburst. So he starts working with the blade a lot, right? Meaning Lance hardly sees him. 

So they take a few steps back in their friendship.

And then Kolivan calls Keith to a mission that they all know will be dangerous and look at Lance’s face. 

Yes, you could read it as Lance not wanting his spotlight gone BUT remember that Lance isn’t as shallow as he seems at first glance. He’s not the loverboy he pretends to be and few realise it, but he masks a lot of his emotions. 

Yes, Lance thrives on attention. But do you really think that he would prioritise a show over a mission that could give them a great boost in power? No, this isn’t about the show, this goes deeper. He’s worried. He’s worried about Keith. 

He doesn’t want him to go. He needs him around. But he cant tell him that. Especially not in front of everyone. 

So what does Lance do? 

He makes a stupid argument, its not much, but it’s all he’s got. “We can’t razzle dazzle the crowd with four lions.”  We need you, I need you. Thats what he’s trying to say. 

And Keith refuses. 

So Lance has that same expression. He’s looking at Shiro in dissbelief this time because he can’t believe he’s letting him go. 

So what we’ve established thus far is the following; 

-Lance definitely feels closer to Keith than he used to.  -Lance was probably there during Keith’s vlog. -Lance isn’t as straight forward as people think he is.  -There’s probably some distance between them right now.  -Lance has noticed Keith’s change in behaviour. 

So with all that in mind, do you really think Lance doesn’t see that Keith is in a bad place. He knows something is up. He can feel Keith pulling and he’s trying to tell him that they need him around but he doesn’t know how to say it. And then... then Keith tells them he’s leaving. 

yeah, everyone looks sad, but look at Lance. He looks deep in thought. What do you think he’s thinking? He just realised he lost Keith. And he gets it. Suddenly it all makes sense. Keith more or less reforced the bond between Black and Shiro and he was acting strange, showing up late. This is what’s been up with Keith and Lance finally figure out that this whole time, he was losing Keith. 

But he gives it one last try. 

Who am I going to make fun of? 

It’s so much more than a playfull jab. Think about it. Really think about it. 

“Who am I going to make fun of?”

Who am I gonna talk to? 

Don’t go. 

[survivormagictreehouse]

Episode #8 “CAN YOU SAY MESS” -Cindi

https://youtu.be/kJt8-zZe8Ck

-this is fucked up i have to confess tribal is in 4 mins.. theres a bunch of stuff about this vote why do people know zch is in a 5 person alliance .. . .. . .. . . . . . why is cindi voting out zach why do i have individual immunity lmao i want zach on the jury ://////////

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNbHN000ka8

-alright ladies we made it to the merge. finally back together with Gavin loml. also it seems that Jess, Zach and Keegan missed me as well based on how the whole touchy subjects thing went for me so thats cute. ALSO TIMMY Z IS HERE AND WE ONLY HAVE TO CALL HIM TIMMY BECAUSE THE OTHER ONE IS GONE!!! side bar: timmy and i are bestie pals and im so excited to finally be on a tribe together umm thats pretty much all i've got for now. also there are only 5 OG Annie's left in this game and 3 of them are working with me for the moment so I think I am in a pretty decent spot. apparently the OG Annies called me and Jess threats so they can go honestly. but half of them are already gone now i think so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-this tribal is about to be really messy and im really tired of cindi's bullshit about refusing to change her vote

-MERGE BABY!!!! WOOOOOO~!!!  So, This tribe seems cool!I;m mainly excited i made merge. My allies are currently Keegan, Jess and I think Gavin. I want to ally with the people I haven't played with yet. sorry this is short

-So I feel like I was totally on the bottom after the Jay vote. I feel like I can’t turn to my old allies (although I have) and like. In touchy subjects when I was voted most likely to be voted out next I had like one person come to me and be like “oh that’s so not true. I don’t see you as next” but like. I wasn’t even surprised that I got it. I am kinda relying on allying with new people but you can’t force people to ally without you. Everytime I have tried to ally with people I have already played with it fails. So now that narrows it down to Collin, Cindi, and maybe Rachael. But I need To get close to them first. Collin also knows how I played in Tashirojima. He has brought it up to me 2 separate times now, so I’m scared he might think I’m going to play like that again and try and target me or something. Idk. I’m just a big ball of scared.

-So 5 people of got immunity. I got like 9th. I'm real upset about it. I know it doesn't really mean anything in the grand scheme of things. Anyway. I;m like 90% sure I;m going home but I'll try my best to ya know. not. I really hope I can work with collin although I don't really have an alliance. so lets see how this goes.

https://youtu.be/wLA8Pt4bXlQ

https://youtu.be/r-8Y2n2NGJo

-Welcome to Merge O' Clock! We finally made the merge, although unless I'm dumb (which is entirely possible) we haven't yet made the jury. The post says a final 3 with 9 jury members, and there is 13 of us left. Interesting. But anyways, I made the merge and I'm super happy about that. It's very exciting to win the previous season and actually be in the running to win this season. Like I feel like I've played a pretty good game so far and I have enough alliances and strong bonds to make it far. Unless I get targeted for that reason. In terms of trust rankings, lemme do that real quick: Most Trusted JESS ZACH GAVIN RACHAEL TIMMY BIRCH CINDI CHIPS BODHI ALI = RUTHIE = COLLIN I've currently got my Canadian Alliance with JESS and BIRCH, as well as an alliance with GAVIN, ZACH and RACHAEL. There's also the alliance with TIMMY, GAVIN, JESS and ZACH thought I don't know if that one will stick around much. I'm trying hard to build a relationship with CINDI, who is amazing. If I can get all these things aligned, we can vote out RUTHIE, ALI, CINDI, CHIPS, COLLIN and BODHI before there's really anything to worry about. But the game is never that easy. My biggest goal right now is to make sure I win immunity for this first vote. The first merge vote can be super telling where everyone is standing and I need to make sure that the target doesn't somehow fall on me. I have to stay safe for at least this vote. 

-Guess who’s immune at the merge tribal council! THIS GUY! And also COLLIN, JESS, GAVIN and BODHI. Surprise twist where five people win immunity, which is crazy. I’m mostly just vibing right now and seeing where people’s heads are at. Been having some nice conversation with ALI, COLLIN and CINDI. Will I work with them ever? I’m not sure. I’m very happy that JESS and GAVIN are safe. I trust them a lot and hope we can work together moving forward. I just need to make sure I keep my head low enough to avoid a target but high enough that people know this is my game to win. 

-So if everything I have been told so far is true, this is going to be a very messy vote. Initially it was BIRCH and CHIPS whose names were on the line but as the day progressed it became between ZACH and BIRCH. And honestly there is merit in voting for either of them. ZACH is a very good player with a metric crap tonne of connections but I've also been loyal to him since the start of the game. BIRCH could be a super loyal ally moving forward but I've also betrayed them at a previous point in the game. Currently, it seems like BIRCH, CHIPS, RUTHIE, GAVIN are for sure voting for ZACH. Currently, it seems like ZACH, RACHAEL, CINDI, COLLIN are for sure voting for BIRCH. But also as I was typing this out, BODHI created an alliance chat with COLLIN, GAVIN, JESS and myself. I'm not even sure if it's an alliance or if BODHI just wanted to make a joke about the Illuminati. Mom? Come pick me up I don't want to be here anymore. 

-okay so its merge time... and i've been doing bad at confessing because i've been going through it but its time to reassess and get back into GEAR. so timmy died last tribal, he was kinda being bananas and targetting rachael in a really flawed way (bodhi would've probably been the move). i like rachael even though i'm about to come after her friendgroup full force, and it just wasn't the time. also... timmy is the only person i've played with multiple times who has outplaced me each time so KJFDSA... was biased to end that. only other risk of that on this tribe is bodhi, but might be sending him packing sooner rather than later. anyway so merge and first things FIRST. I FINALLY. FINALLY. get put on a tribe with JESS. I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY FOR MY SPIDERMAN POINTING AT SPIDERMA QUEEN. i'm telling her too much (me telling j-names too much who is shocked), but we are gonna mob boss it as two tribe figureheads and keep it PUSHING. Otherwise I love gavin… I used my connection with sarah g to him for clout because im shameless but I love him and he seems relatively disconnected on the tribe… he looks like kori who would catfish games so im like looks around but he gives good energy hope he likes me. chips is a SWEETHEART and was also on the bottom so looking to scoop him up. Okay so birch. Birch is lovely, birch played in my first tumblr survivor season. Birch has SO much personality… in chats of 2+ people, but in our PMs a better name for them is the SAHARAH. Love your lack of energy, go give us NOTHING. But what can you do. I ALSO might need them in even tho if I get one more ‘Nice!’ from them as a response I will perform walking from the cast. Keegan hasn’t messaged me yet…taps foot. Will not be messaging a MAN first not on my watch. Zach is sweet but he is a CHILD AND I DON’T TRUST CHILDREN IN games. I also just booby trapped him in the idol hunt so… looks around. I also have one key and I need ONE MORE TO get into this mystical last book which im ON A MISSION TO DO. In other news collin leaked the 6 person alliance so looks around… that man has such  white gay who wins games energy and im not having it. Ideal Bootlist: Zach > Keegan > Bodhi > Collin > Cindi > Birch > Timmy > Rachael > Chips > Jess (F3: Me/Ruthie/Chips)

-okay so im deflated again. first off, the conglomerate of friends has got to go its so frustrating, the mesopotamia/svalbard gathering is really really disaster. they make their friend group so obvious and yet there is nothing we can do. the zach/collin/rachael/bodhi/cindi (?) svalbard/mesopotamia, PLUS people who voted with zach like keegan/timmy. its just so ANNOYING, can people WISE UP. i love jess, and im so so excited to work together but she also can be so slippery and wishywashy so its a real.. looks around, we need to wake cindi up. in other news... this tribe is really okay with letting collin win. he is misting EVERYONE and everyone is just sitting there and letting it happen. he has such white gay who just wins this game and everyone is gonna just LET HIM. final man i wanna complain about is keegan. LISTEN SIR, you will not catch me messaging a man first, so if you are upset about us having not spoken... then message me. then speak to me. dont tell people we havent spoken when i've made JUST AS MUCH EFFORT AS YOU. its not my fault you are so unbelievably dry in pms. grrrr i just HATE men and i have to deal with SO MANY on this tribe.

-okay so. we are maybe voting out the child i truly do not know. jess, gavin and cindi never dissed. open to working with me, not relying exclusively on pregame connections, literal legends. chips and birch are literally making it so hard to save them, they both have the biggest mouths i've EVER seen and the subtlety of a reversing truck. they have SUCH big mouths and are making the odds of a zach idol play INCREDIBLY high. also zach can go making majority alliances without me, its shenanigans like this that get you merge boot Sir.

-so im sitting on call with cindi as we plot the end of the zach. this is so sad i feel bad for him even tho this is definitely a good move for me AHHhhh.

-I'm crossing my fingers that I somehow pulled out a win for this creative comp (I doubt it because it looks like a toddler drew my tree house) because I have been very anti social! I've been talking to people in PM's a bit but the chat is just too many people and going too fast for me, LOL.   I just hope our little group of four will stick together.  I haven't talked to them as much since we merged but I guess it is good that we are all mingling and trying to maybe find some cracks? I've talked to Chips, Jess and some of the others from the merged tribe a good bit. 

Tea time!  So Chips wants to get Collin, Cindi, Rachael, Zach or Bodhi out because they are in some kind of alliance for some games they were in? I don't know I didn't know they were all so well connected lol. Alsooo Jess and I have a two person alliance consisting of ourselves that we are referring to as the Jills heh heh.  I guess right now I'm closest to Jess?  I am going to tell her whatever I hear name wise and feel she will do the same to me and I'm hoping that we can like, feed each other information and go to the end while also working with other people if that makes sense.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOgNIykteiM&feature=youtu.be

This round is a split between Zach and birch for who is going home this week. My treehouse got 6th so I sadly missed the immunity mark This week could possibly come down to just 1 vote. That’s why Zach and I traded powers so we can know who voted with who so we can make sure we understand who is voting where for next round. 

so I mad it to the merge! Good stuff! Anyway, the immunity challenge had a twist where multiple people are immune. And i am not. Thats what I get for taking a picture of a tree with 🦕! After results I hear no one saying a name and I don't like that because I don't want whatever random alliance that has already formed dictating... so I decide I'm going to spread Zach. I think he stands a good shot of success because he is well of not only in meta-gaming with relationships but also controlled the premerge. Sooooo I started saying him. Anyway, I am hoping people are actually voting with him them I will feel comfortable to make an alliance. Cindi is part of or immediately under the core group that has taken it upon themselves to say names. I heard from her they originally wanted to do my name because "easy" and not as well liked on the tribe. They were between me and Birch but Cindi said no thanks to me. Anyway, they have been spreading Birch and I have been spreading Zach and now I know it is between the two. If Zach has a power and takes control this round I am still happy I planted the seed and he should not be long for the game. Also, if they do not follow through in voting Birch and vote me instead I will feel better about my self for doing something because I feel loke I've really let down the hosts with how inactive I have been with the move. Hope bringing the drama redeems me just a little.

SO WHAT IS NOT THE TEA. LEAKING ASS LEAKERS IS NOT THE TEA. I'm in a giant alliance with Svalbard/Mesopotamia people and I'm like that is chill or whatever. But Gavin somehow knows about this alliance but doesn't know that I'm in it? So, like, uhhh don't like that. Don't want to fucking be associated with a majority alliance. Plus I don't want Chips being on the bottom. I love Chips. But love the way that Birch decided it was me voting them out? Also that they decided to just, like, give a name of everyone voting with them to Zach, who we're voting out. CAN YOU SAY MESS.

AHHHH! okay so this round has been absolutely CHAOTIC. from the stress of meeting so many new people, and trying to secure my place in this game going forward, to spending HOURS building a treehouse in the sims and being one of the five people to win immunity because of the twist i picked a few rounds ago (thanks for EXPOSING ME BY THE WAY). but going into the round, i honestly had my sights set on zach. he was by far the most connected and well-rounded player in the merge in my opinion, and something needed to be done about it. so, with that i (along with jess) had our work cut out for us. this move needed to happen NOW, or it might just never happen. together, we went around and planted seeds, spread information, and made sure that people realized zach not only had alliances with them, but everyone else in the game as well. i felt like i had made pretty strong connections with ali, cindi, and ruthie, and those were definitely three people we would need to make this move happen. so, we got to work spreading zach's name (with birch somehow exposing everyone but me basically). the hardest part for me was lying to rachael because i love her so much, but she was one of the people that were too close to zach. i knew i needed him to go, so she would be closer to me... but with that comes regaining and rebuilding the trust lost by lying to her as well, so once again, i have my work cut out for me in a totally different way--it will take time, but i think she will realize that she does need me, i just need to prove it to her.

https://youtu.be/KoXLMf5QhxI

https://youtu.be/8g2eyHMOZbI

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Click HERE to watch the Round 8 (merge) Cast Assessment!

[hellofanimagination]

Fantastic Bastards

Prompt: Requested by Anonymous “request for gerard, i play archery and i dont see imagines with a reader who plays archery, so maybe on her team is her ex boyfriend who keeps harassing her and her friends just sit and watch until he says something that hits a sensitive area and she has a panic attack (at the disco) bc like HOW DOES HE KNOW??? and one of her friends has to call gee and he comes to practice and calm her down and then criticizes her ex before they both leave if you need help w/ archery terms i can help”

Word Count:

Warnings: Mentions of past abusive relationship, panic attack, 

Pairing: Gerard x Reader   

--

When you joined the archery team you thought it would be fun, play a sport you’re good at, meet new people, hang out with friends, win some trophies, but that’s not what happened. Your ex is on your team, joined halfway through the season and spends every minute making you hate the sport and the team and everything else, you don’t want to show up you don’t want to be around him. His eyes on you makes your skin crawl, the words he speaks only makes you remember all the shitty moments of your relationship. You broke up, you were free, why is he back? He isn’t even good at archery.

The air is crisp, green grass under your feet and a bow in your hands. You stare out at the target, it’s just  a simple practice with your team. The captain of the team, your best friend, is talking to some of the other members nearby while you get ready and aim. Your ex is watching and your face burns. You hold the grip and pull back on the bowstring, letting go and letting the arrow fly across the field. It lands near the middle but not good enough for what you normally do, the amount of points you can rack up when he isn’t watching is amazing. He throws you off.

“I thought you were good at this?” He says and you jolt away from where your arrow is embedded in the target. You stare at him, a cold rage in your blood.

“I am,” You reply through your teeth and he doesn’t blink.

“You say that but the arrow begs to differ. Maybe you should try soccer again.” he chuckles and your clench your fists, he ruined that for you too a long time ago. He took so much from you, ruined everything from soccer to that dress you used to wear in the summer. You can’t remember the last time you wore a dress.

“Leave me alone.” You practically growl and he laughs.

“I’m under your skin, Y/N,” The way he says your name burns your throat, a nasty taste coming up.

“Fuck off,” You turn away but then he says something that makes your entire body run cold, breath stuttering in your chest.

“You left some of your stuff at my place, I think I’ll bring them by your new place later.” You know you left things at his house when you moved out, you were too scared to go back and get them. He could always rope you into staying, something you never wanted to do. So you left stuff, toothbrush, makeup, some clothes, a book you really liked. It didn’t seem to matter as long as you never went back, as long as he never got a hold on you again.

But that's not the part that upsets you, he can do whatever he wants with your stuff, it's the last part. You moved out and you made sure he couldn’t find your new address, you kept it secret, you never went straight home after seeing him, you were so careful. How does he know? Has he been there before? Did he break in? He’s done it before, when you first started seeing him he broke in and moved things around, layed in your bed, you wanted to be upset but he...he always knew how to fuck with your head.

“Y-you don’t know where I live.” You try so hard to sound strong, like he isn’t getting to you, but you can’t breath or think and your eyes burn. He knows and he is going to get you, he’s going to hurt you again, he’s going to...oh god.

He steps closer and your chest tightens, you feel frozen, your heart is pounding. He smiles and you can’t you can’t. Oh god. He still controls you, he still can do whatever he wants to you.

“Of course I do,”

A sob breaks out of you, cracking through the air and the other teammates look over, finally realizing what’s happening. Your best friend isn’t supposed to leave you alone with him, he shouldn’t even be here. You struggle to breath, pulling in painful breaths and tears tumble down your face. Your entire body burns and tightens and you almost fall over, just staring at him and knowing you can’t get away. You best friend is suddenly beside you, wrapping you in her arms and turning you to look at her, you can’t see her though you just see him and you can’t breath.

“I texted Gerard, he’s on his way.”

You try to stop crying but the sobs rip through your body as you shake and struggle to draw breath. You can still feel him watching you, the king of your body. He knows where you live. He can get you. He can get you, He’s going to get you ohgodhesgoingtogetyou.

“Y/N,” It’s Gerard, his voice like a moment of clarity. You latch onto him, your friend stepping back. He holds you close, smoothing your hair and telling you over and over you’re okay. You bury your face in his chest and cry, crying until you can’t cry anymore. You breath, dry air that burns your lungs and you feel sick. Your stomach twists and Gerard kisses your head. You breath. He’s got you. Gerard will keep you safe.

“I’ve got you, love.” Gerard mumbles, slowly sinking to the ground with you in his arms. “You’re okay.”

“He-” You try and Gerard shushes you.

“He nothing, no one can get you. You’re safe, I won’t leave you. It’s okay.” He tells you, again and again until your breathing evens out and your fingers hurt from holding onto him so tightly.

When you lift your head everyone else is gone, led away by the captain. He can’t get you. Gerard cups your face and gives you a smile, the bright light that he always is. You press your hand against his chest, feeling his heart beating and you breath. He kisses your forehead and you fall against him, soft and caring, safe. Gerard is your knight in shining armor, your safe place, your boyfriend. He’s exactly what a boyfriend should be. He’s love and warmth and he would never hurt you.

“Thank you,” You mumble, voice worn.

“That’s what I’m here for, I love you.” You look up at him and he presses his nose against yours, both of you giggling.

“I love you too.”

[survivor-junglerun]

FTC Q&A

So for all my questions please answer them by video I am sick and i don't have the energy to read everything, so billy: I want to ask why you abstained from the final immunity challenge? Chips: throwing your vote not to jake is meh to me but tell me a move you felt you orchestrated in more detail Julia: I love you i am glad you are in the f3 queen, please hex my cold on video i want to see that. That is all good luck final 3

Answers:

Billy:  I abstained because I had to do work, that requires me to be on my computer all day. I was more than willing to do the endurance, but I was not available to do the puzzle. It had nothing to do with the challenge itself, but no one discussed times for an endurance, and we were just given the puzzle and I simply did not have time.

Chips: 

Julia:

Julia - What did you change in your game after winning your way back in, that allowed you to be in the majority from the beginning of the merge? Also, why do you deserve to win over two people who were never voted out?

Chips - What was the most difficult moment in the game for you, and how did you bounce back from it?

Billy - Why do you deserve to win against two people who put in (from my perspective) EXPONENTIALLY more time into the game?

Answers:

Billy: I said in my plea speech that I didn’t do as much as the other two, but I stopped caring half way through because why would I give something my all when I saw the outcome. I wasn’t going to win the challenges. The majority was never going to work with me. I was walking towards being voted out because once people are set, they’re set. I tried to get people to vote out Julia, several times, no one wanted to. So I stopped trying. Everyone was so quick to want to stick together, that I wasn’t going to go out of my way, when I knew it would be just this if I made it to the end anyway. More people like other people, that’s how it is. So why try when I wouldnt have beaten the majority in any situation? Tell me you wouldn’t have done it this way as well, and I’m not sure if I’d believe you. So, I don’t think I deserve to win. But I think for all of the people who did the work, and weren’t rewarded, and didn’t get second chances, and gave this game their all, I want to win for them, for the people who actually wanted to play the game with me and make it fun, instead of be picked off one by one. A lot of the jury played great games, and they’re not in FTC, and I wouldn’t be in FTC without them.

Chips: The most difficult moment in the game for me was the blind round. I think that the combination of not knowing who had won immunity paired with the fact that it would not be revealed who had actually stuck to what they had said created a challenge. I had previously been in a final two alliance with Chrissa called Chris² and heard early on in the round that Chrissa was the target for the round. She had heard the same herself and was trying to deflect the vote to Brandan and I knew that would be a hard sell since he had already formed a group against her and it wasn't entirely obvious who it would be safe to target instead. I bounced back from the round and losing my final two by picking up the pieces that remained and trying to make sure that even though I knew that people had taken a "shot" at who I trusted that they felt they could trust me enough to keep me late in the game. I kept up a positive social relationship with them so that we could potentially work together as the game progressed.

Julia:

Questions: What was the most villainous thing you’ve done in this game?

Answers:

Billy:

Carson: the most villainous thing I did all season was sit there and tell Julia I was keeping her and voted her out, then voted for her again and was like “nah girl I got you” when the tie happened. It’s not much, but you don’t have to always be a villain to make it far. Some people rely on that, I didn’t have to (or really have to do anything)

Chips:

Julia:

Carson: The most villianous thing I did in the game was flipping sides to keep Billy in the game and voted out one of my allies (Brandan). I felt like this needed to be done #1 because people were already againts him, #2 he had already gotten a few people out himself and did so succesfully and #3 I didn't really know how well he stood with me in the game. So I promised him a vote, and didn't give it to him and he left unanimously. (SO SORRY I HAD TO DO THT)

Questions:

Chips: hello

Billy: I’m so thankful for this game because as much as we didn’t care too much we actually worked together and that’s cute because I really have grown to consider you a friend in these things. Had we gotten Chips out when I went home, what would your plan have been for the end game?

Julia: ugh queen. Why should Billy get my vote over you?

Answers:

Billy: my plan was to go to F3 with you and Drew, as I saw both of you deserving the win. We worked together from day one in this game, and I wanted you to take it to the end. I knew I was just a number for you, and I was ok with that, because I wouldn’t have flipped on you. It didn’t make sense to. Had Brandan not flipped sides, and you went home, I would have stuck with you and Drew to make it to final three.

Chips: Hi

Julia: hi dan! ummm i dont think he should bc he didn't do anything and like wouldnt submit challenges ect.. lol

Questions: Did not submit

Answers:

Billy:

Chips:

Julia:

Unfortunately due to unforeseen circumstances, i had to drop out early into the merge so i feel as though i don't truly know who has done what in this game. so, what would each of you say was your strongest asset, and strongest game move? (i had no interactions with billy, and i had more conversation with julia than i did chips despite only playing two rounds with her before i had to depart).

Answers:

Billy:

Gavin: my strongest asset was finding the people in the game who actually wanted me in the game and sticking to them. I wish we had gotten to talk, because it sucks you had to go. But I don’t think we crossed paths before then. But I would have liked to. I’m not going to pretend like my game is the strongest, because it isn’t. But I played my game, and that’s all it was. I hope everything outside the game is better though, real life comes first, and I think a lot of people in this community forget that.

Chips:

Gavin I think that my strongest asset in this game definitely was my ability to take and use information effectively. I found out who was getting votes and why and if I did not like that outcome I used that information to redirect the vote. This asset extended into knowledge of the powers that were distributed in the game as well in that I had formed a relationship with Madison that enabled me to know about her initial power and the one that you had gifted her when you left. -- My strongest visible game move was teaming up with Madison to disrupt the flow of the round where she played her Ruby Monkey idol. It was the most "visible" move I made during the game because it took the two people being targeted and flipped the vote onto someone unexpected (Noah). I think it was the strongest because it was a choice made by me to effect a vote and its outcome and following the move the rest of the votes fell as I wanted without me having to struggle with the "let's stick to this" mindset that had been previously in place. -- My strongest "non-visible" move was maintaining a strong relationship with Brandan and Julia the round that Dan was planning to vote me out by convincing Julia to throw her vote. They caught wind of the true plan and came to me with it telling me that they would NEVER vote me out, switching their votes to Dan in the process.

Julia:

Gavin: My strongest asset in the game was that I was able to talk to people from both sides at one point and I could be able to have SEVERAL options that I wanted to follow thru with. My biggest game move was probably finding out that Dan had lied to me about a vote that we were promised to go thru with. If I didn't have the connection I had with Brandan at the time, than I wouldn't have realized what was about to happen. So after compaing notes, I had succesfully voted out someone who had tried to do me dirty AGAIN the second time in a row. And from that point on, making it to the end was 1000x easier!

Questions: did not submit

Answers:

Billy:

Chips:

Julia:

Julia: why do you feel like you deserve to win when you literally wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for me and my idol plays? and you can’t claim “our relationship” or anything as the reason I kept you safe, it was literally just bc you’re a woman. what have you actually done? bc I don’t see much.

Chips: I’m voting for you dw bb you played an incredible game and no matter what happens you deserve it.

Billy. goat noises

Answers:

Julia: I mean I thought we had like a friendship bc I would have never voted you and never did vote you. Always stuck by your side ect. But weather you see it that way or not you keeping me safe guarenteed I would see another round regardless. Sooooo idk whatever LOL hexed

And as to what I did I was in the loop for alot of things. Such as when Dan got voted out tht wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for me going back to Brandan figuring out Dan lied again. Or the time tht I was able to stay in the majority, or maybe being hated by everyone sm yet still remaining in the f3? Idk take it as you please.

Chips:

Madison Omg! I love you so much.

Billy: In a goat accent Now I’m glaaaad I had it tieeeee and you lost as a resullltttt. I already acknowledged my being a goat in the game. Did you even read my opening? Probably not. 

[ts-seychelles]

EP. 13 - “The Last Check Mark I Need” - NICOLE

IDK WHATS GOING ON. But I don't trust Jared and nicole or Johnny. I think im going I don't wanna wrongly play. But them.not knowing the vote count is sketchy

This entire past tribal went horrible - Vilma went home and she was a huge ally who was very involved in my game, but I found out a few things of her not trusting me so BITCH BYE (jk ilysm) - Regan exploited our alliance that we had between me, her, Augusto, which was SO pointless on top of ALL OF THE REASONS where regan pissed me off today, but honestly, I don't feel the need to go into it again bc just lol at this point she's honestly fucking insane (sorry ily but you're fucking nuts) - Nicole just failed to understand why I voted for her, and I feel so bad about things, especially considering we hungout irl a few days ago, and I told her I wouldn't vote for her.. I also feel bad that Jared has turned into a lowkey sociopath this game and nicole is getting wreckt for it - This BAD PUBLICITY over this reward challenge when people dont want me going to ghost so they can kill me instead - Dan is PISSED at me for all of these chats getting exploited, being left out of the nicole vote and just the consistent lying to him. Jared played so many FUCKING games today that threw him, Dan and I under the bus, and it was just nuts, and he blew up both of our games in a way that wasn't necessary..... and there were just other ways to plan it out What I WILL say is that I'm turning Asya into like.... one of my closest allies bc I think she's fucking awesome, and I think we're in the same boat, and if it's up to me, I don't want her going anywhere.. I'm plenty okay voting out anyone who isnt augusto asya roxy at this point..... everyone else can probably burn? I'll see how long I can keep Jared around. Eventually, enough is enough and I may just have to throw in the towel and vote for Jared, but I'm going to try to not think about that bc my intentions are to still stay pure to Jared so GOSH lord help my soul

https://youtu.be/12RpRL81wjc

Lots to explain, let’s start off with the most obviously trivial. Regan talks about herself...a lot. Like, a lot. Regan is most definitely the most self centered person I’ve ever met. She knows it so like, it’s not mean that I’m stating it. But anyway every day in the tribe chat she goes on for sooooo long about herself and so I made a fun little game where when she sends a rant about her life I say “Merry Christmas Everyone”. It started on Christmas, so it wasn’t that funny BUT every day since it’s gotten progressively funnier and funnier. Ricky and Alex chimed in a few times and then I got Johnny in on it. It’s becoming such a moment every time it happens and the farther away from Christmas we get, the more ridiculous Regans responses get to it. Now, back to business. Last night I almost got voted out. I am BEYOND thankful that when I went to Ghost Island I was able to get the Sapphire Idol and will it to Jared during the second or third round. We have been trying to hold on it for so long in order to use it correctly to save both of us and tonight was the PERFECT oppurtunity. We not only did THAT but we flushed two idols since Regan used hers for no reason and Vilma left with hers. (I feel so bad I wish she would have used it and rocked out Johnny). Today I’ve made substantial progress with Asya and Dan but I really don’t think it’s enough. Which makes me nervous. I feel like going going home these next two rounds is going to be so sad for me. I have the fucking legacy advantage and having to give it away before I even can use it would kill me. Regan better calm herself with her agenda to get me out because if she doesn’t fucking relax I will 100% get her out with the legacy advantage just for fun. Finding a fourth to vote with us is going to be actually terrible. I’m hoping I can be immune so that the tables are forced to turn. I really don’t want to go. Maybe Jared will find something at ghost island to shake things up. I feel like crap about this game because Asya has painted a picture of how I COULD win. But that makes me feel like nobody will let me get that far. I just want to win so badly this is like the last check mark I need in order to feel successful in this community (as cheesy as it sounds).

So I’m really boo boo the damn fool huh. Vilma leaving last night was literally heart wrenching. After hosting her in Cayman Islands, she was probably one of the most deserving of the unfinished business casting. She’s an amazing person, friend, and ally. I really am gonna miss her a lot in this game. As it stands rn, everyone is being shady. Especially Johnny, but honestly, we been knew. Regan leaving the chat is fucking annoying. She’s unwilling to vote anyone but Nicole. I promised Nicole I wouldn’t write her name down this game, And I intend to make that happen. I wish there was a way that me and Nicole could lowkey get the votes split 3-3-1 on us this week to force a rock pull, but there’s literally no way. When I think about it, splitting up Nicole and Jared is smart, however, in my opinion the wrong person is on Ghost Island rn. I’d much rather vote out Jared than Nicole and that’s just that on that. I may honestly just throw a vote or self vote this round bc I literally can’t bring myself to vote out Nicole. If Nicole wins immunity, I am a little worried for my ass soooooo. Idk what’s best rn.

https://youtu.be/OSPsCvp7lmM

https://youtu.be/dLh35zpslXU

OKAY LISTEN..... I'm proud of myself bc I've gotten to that point of ORGs where I feel I'm done doing 800 long ass confessionals every round, but nonetheless, I've gotta do one each round, and I'm trying to make it good, so here's the content from my host chat about why im considering what im considering today: I am hoping that the Regan/Nicole thing continues until right before the vote, and this round is going to be everyone depending on my vote because I'm the swing, and I'm hoping people are going to be patient with what my decision is, because I'm likely not going to make it until right before tribal...... jk im voting for regan, but they dont need to know that ;) i know by voting out regan, im making it harder for myself to get to the end, but I'm REALLY trying to surround myself with threats so I can get to the end. I was the first person this season to make an "out there" game move, by playing my idol and taking out Ricky, and since them, i am trying my damnedest to just hold back my threat level, so people just let me go further and further. I don't have MANY options beyond that at this point Oop apparently regan is voting for me.. that's a mood Now here's me ranting about taking out Dan vs Regan: Regan is more easily controlled, and she has been working closer to me this entire game.. She is a goat and likely won't win at the end, but she's a very likely candidate to get to the end at this point just because she's such a goat Dan, on the other hand, has been a strong ally, but he voted for me once, and has been wishy washy with his allegiances since he voted for me the first time (when I used my idol), and promised us so many things, but Dan has pretty good relationships and is unpredictable, but he's sworn up down left and right that he wants finals with Augusto and I. The BIG reason for keeping Dan is that Roxy and Augusto, who are probably two of my top three closest, and most trusted allies, are going to be more reliant on me next round for numbers, and even more when it gets closer to the finals, they may feel more compelled to take me to the end because there are too many big threats left in the game but if i vote for regan then i might be jeopardizing my specific spot in the game, and I'd have the potential of my allies turning on me

(A LITTLE LATER)

So I guess here's an ACTUAL confessional since I haven't really planned on making anything else, but I feel bad Regan fucked my entire game up because she thought she was being cute after last tribal. Everyone was on a call during that reward challenge (not getting into it... literally fuck the hosts bc that changed the entire game, moving on), and they were all spilling shit because Nicole got mad that four people voted for her, and then Nicole and Dan both started making this game feel really personal, and honestly, it just felt icky to me that they were bringing it to a personal level when it was a game move. I understand what Nicole is going through bc (T B H Jared) Jared is a sociopath in games, and he really just doesn't have a chill switch sometimes, especially when dealing with nicole, so like..... idk, people started feeling bad for nicole bc jared YELLED at nicole after tribal on that call apparently, and ig it had to do with me, and more of an exposing me party YAY, but idk.. so I feel bad for her too I deem literally everyone in this cast currently a close friend, so this is never ever going to be an easy decision from here on out. Every decision is going to be painful. My entire plan for the day was to pretend to be indecisive about how I wanted to vote, when in reality all day, my intentions were to vote for Regan, however, things have changed sadly............... I'm voting for Dan tonight, and I don't see myself changing my mind before tribal for many of many reasons. I mostly just feel that if Dan stays, I could POTENTIALLY not have numbers next round since Dan is consistently playing double agent, and jared nicole and asya could come together and vote out either roxy or augusto, and then i'd be fucked, especially considering those are probably the two people im trying to get to the end with (without screwing over jared and losing his jury vote uwu) Also, the biggest reason I've gotta do this is to just not upset the people who've been the best to me since we've merged. Augusto and Roxy have been nothing but helpful to my game, and Dan was the FIRST of my allies to turn on me, and that still hasn't been sitting well with me since it's happened. I'm moreso doing this for my allies than anyone else, and knowing that Roxy, Augusto, Regan and I are likely not going to break until we get to the end ish? (But also Asya queen is getting to the finals if it's the last thing I do. Regan can LEAVE before Asya does, but that's besides the point hmmmmmm) My other big fear with voting out dan is that im voting out such a meat shield.. going into the f5 with any combination of asya augusto roxy regan puts me in a lot of trouble to get 5th or 4th, and I'm foreseeing a world now where I get 5th or 4th because those are the people I chose to go down the stretch with, but we'll see... I think I can maybe have a few tricks up my sleeves to attempt to get me there? oops?

IDK THE TEA IS THAT im voting johnny with nicole and dan and idk if i can pull this off

Nicole and I decided this plan to get it to be 3-2-2 and I’m so nervous it’s gonna fall through. I’m shaking in hangout rn omfg this is so stressful

[deadgwen]

IT IS A HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST GOAT

@fucshias  @jiilys  MY LOVE GOATY. MY MOST BEAUTIFUL GOAT. MY SUN. MY STARS. MY BEAUTIFUL HOOVED CREATURE OF GOD. I HAVE ARRIVED TO SAY SOME IMPORTANT THINGS BUT FIRSTLY I LOVE YOU I LOVE I LOVE YOU U R READING THIS POST RIGHT NOW DUE TO A VERY IMPORTANT REASON AND THIS IMPORTANT REASON IS THAT

*CHOKES BACK TEARS*

IT IS UR BIRTHDAY.

*SCREAMING*

OK OKI DOKI BEFORE I START: I AM NOT ACTUALLY HERE BUT DO NOT BE D I S E N H E AR T E N E D BC I JUST DONT HAVE WIFI BUT I PROMISE U SOMEWHERE OUT THERE I AM SULKING AND FIGHTING A WALL AND ALSO SETTING OFF FIREWORKS BC !!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS UR FUCKING DAY AND IM SORRY I COULD NOT WISH U BUT I LOVE U SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH I AM HERE W/ U IN SPIRIT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT TURN THE FUCK UP HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO MY LOVE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U UR EXCELLENT AND I LOVE YOU AND ALSO WHAT THE FUCK BINCH HOW ARE U SEVENTEEN TODAY U ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT U KNOW WHO) WHO ALLOWED U TO BE LIKE THIS AND ALSO I LOVE YOU. AND ALSO I CANT BELIEVE UVE DONE THIS. UR LITERALLY SEVENTEEN TODAY I AM NOT ALRIGHT AND I NEED U TO HOLD ME BECAUSE I AM GOING TO COME OVER AND FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF BEING A DRAMATIC BITCH I WILL FAINT IN UR ARMS I AM 100% NOT ALRIGHT

like,,,, HONESTLY u are so. fucking. great. WHERE DO I EVEN START. 

FIRST AND FOREMOST I WANNA SAY I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED FOR THIS FOR UR BDAY I LOVE YOU GOATY I AM SO PUMPED THAT UR SO OLD ITS RIDICULOUS @ ME FUCK OFF ALRIGHT BUT. JUST. I LOVE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY U GOAT UR BEYOND INCREDIBLE

UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN UR YOUNG AND SWEET. ONLY. *SMASHES OPEN MY WINDOW AT 12 MIDNIGHT* SEVENTEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

SO OH MY GOD. I AM CURRENTLY YELLING BECAUSE??????????? LIKE???????????????? YOU'RE SEVENTEEN??????? HOW DID WE EVEN COME TO THIS POINT ITS INSANE LIKE HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SEVENTEEN WE'RE ALL JUST STILL TINY SMOLS WHERE ARE U GOING WHY ARE U GROWING OLDER STOP IT PLS ALRITE I DO NOT LIKE. MY PRECIOUS GOAT SUNSHINE WHO IS A PROFESSIONAL PAJAMA CONSULTANT A REAL SOLID BUSINESSWOMAN WHO DRIVES AND SHIT AND COULD PROBABLY RUN ME OVER AND IS 6'3 SO IF U WOULD SIT ON ME I WOULD MOST CERTAINLY DIE UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN AND I AM CRYING

but in all seriousness I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU i am FOREVER AND EVER glad that i met u LIKE I FUCKIN HATE U GODMDAN FUCKIBG GOAT MAKING ME REBLOG THIGNS FUCK YUO FUCK O FF but like????? apart from that UR FUCKING BEYOND FABULOUS and i have decided to compile a list of reasons why u are unbelievably great and have earned ur title of being a dancing queen/brilliant goat/actual love of my life. bc u are excellent. AND IT MUST BE WRITTEN OUT HERE SOMEWHERE THAT I LOVE YOU. 

OK OK OK SO HERE WE GO BINCHES. PREPARE URSELF. THIS IS GONNA BE SUPER LENGTHY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU A LOT AND I AM GONNA DO A 'ON THE JELLICOE ROAD' WORTHY REVIEW OF U BUT LIKE A SHITTIER VERSION SO U BETTER FUNKIN BUCKLE UP BITCH

LEZGO:

IS OBVIOSULY FABULOUS

IS A REAL LIFE GIRAFFE 

WE ARE BLESSED TO HAVE ONE ROAM OUT OF CAPTIVITY LIKE............. WE ARE STRONGLY BLESSED

I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH

CLAIMS TO HAVE 'barely any leg but a huge torso' and interpret this how u want bUT i just wanna say u r the most fucked up giraffe ever ok what the fuck WHO HURT YOU

apparently dis binch owns a bunny AND NEVER TOLD ME SHE DID

owns a problematic rabbit bc it pees everywhere

said problematic rabbit likes to pee everywhere so much its ridiculous it has no respect for the value of items of modern society and thus in my opinion should be sent to COURT

@ rabbit U NASTY OK PLS GET UR PRIORITIES SORTED???? THIS HAS BEEN A MOTHERFUCKING PSA THANK U (CAROLINE I AM TRUSTING YOU TO SHOW THIS ON UR PHONE TO THE GODDAMN BUNNY I NEED IT TO KNOW)

is 100% excellent at looking after drunk people ALRITE literally THIS WOMAN IS A SAINT who has saved REAL LIVES tbh where would that poor child from your old intermediate be if u hadn't SAVED HIS ENTIRE LIFE from all that tequila he would DEAD thats fuKCIN RIGHT U DESERVE ALL THE MEDALS A TRUE HERO AMONG NEW ZEALANDERS. A NATIONAL ICON. SO BRAVE I AM SO PROUD I LOVE YOU ALWAYS

AND ALSO PULLING DRUNK MAKING OUT PEOPLE OFF EACH OTHER I JUST WANT U TO KNOW THAT UR EFFORTS ARE SO VERY RECOGNIZED BECAUSE ONE TIME I DID THAT AND I GOT PUNCHED IN THE THROAT I THOUGHT I DIED BECAUSE I SAW JESUS BUT IT WASNT ACTUALLY JESUS IT WAS JUST A POSTER TAPED TO A FRIDGE I WAS SCAMMED

her own mum has called the police on her and was 100% ready for some quality fun family jailtime

ALSO ONE TIME GOATY ACCIDENTALLY FUCKED UP SOMEONES REAR MIRROR AND THE VICTIMS OF THE INCIDENT DID NOT GIVE HALF A FUCK HOWEVER, HER MOTHER GOATY REPORTED SEVERAL FUCKS TO THE POLICE AND FILED AN ACCIDENT REPORT AND THAT WAS THE DAY MY GOATY BECAME A DARK CRIMINAL

*OMINOUS MUSIC*

I AM STILL WAITING FOR THE DAY I WALK MY BUTT INTO COURT AGAINST UR MUM COVERED HEAD TO ASS IN $3 PLASTIC BRACELETS BACKED BY UR UNEXPECTEDLY KLEPTOMANIAC SISTER AND A BASKET OF STOLEN WOMANS DAYS AND ALONG WITH BLING BLING JIMMY WE WILL RESTORE THE RIGHTEOUSNESS AND LACK OF CONSCIENCE ON THIS LOVELY EARTH

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ENOUGHT ABOUT UR MUM LIKE ACTUALLY ALL UR FAMILY MEMBERS ARE DIFFERENT LEVELS OF WILD AND..... I AM AFRAID

OK OK IT MUST BE SAID CAROLINE HAS THE MOST AMAIZNG VOICE ????? EVER

like i love her voice sm SO FUCKING MUCH I TELL U i have never heard anything like it and i want caroline to like read me books for hours AND HOURS AND NARRATE MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE because i love how unusually deep and shadowy her voice sounds like deep flowing river water or smth like i LOVE IT SO MUCH it. Is.So. Strange BUT I LOVE IT IT IS THE COOLEST GODDAMN THING THROW A BUCKET AT ME I LOVE YOU

HAS A VIDEO OF HERSELF DOING THE ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE AND I KNOW I HAVE PRAISED IT FOR TWO YEARS IN A ROW ALREADY LIKE @ ME PLZ CHILL BUT i will not i will NEVER it is solid entertainment a+++ QUALITY I AM LAUGHIGN IM LAUGHING I AM LAUGHING FOREVER those beautiful hops of pain across ur backyard ARE THE LAST THINGS I WANT TO SEE BEFORE GOD TAKES ME FROM THIS EARTH

WRONGFULLY FRAMED ME FOR HAVING SHIT DICK TENDENCIES AND THEN YELLED AT ME AND CALLED ME A GARAGE WHAT A BINCH I AM IN LOVE

loves yellow flowers AND ALL THE FLOWERS AND HEAVY ROSES AND IS A FULL OUT FLOWER HOE

IS DESPICABLE TEEN WOLF GARBAGE LIKE.... ive been scrolling through our fanmails AND MY HEART HUR T S G O A T Y hOld mE we were sO Y O U N  G and like no lie i shit u not 80% oF THE FUCKING MESSAGES ARE U YELLING 'STYDIA IS GONNA HAPPEN THIS SEASON' AND 'OH MY GOD DID U SEE THAT STYDIA SCENE' AND DECLARATIONS OF LOVE FOR LYDIA MARTIN AND THE OTHER 20% IS U ASKIN ME IF IVE SEEN THE NEW TEEN WOLF I LOVE IT I LOVE YOU I AM SORRY TEEN WOLF KEEPS DISAPPOINTING US BOTH BUT STDYIA IS. DEFINIETELY. GONNA. HAPPEN. THIS. SEASON. IT HAS TO OR I WILL FUKIN FITE ALRIGHT GIVE US STYDIA OR GIVE US DEATH I LOVE UR TEEN WOLF LOVIBG ASS

anyway caroline is an utterly excellent person

if u were an ncea paper i would grade u with excellence

*FINGER GUNS*

like ?????deals with my stupid yelling ALL THE TIME

whenever i had a problem and went to my goaty she was so very understanding and patient AND DID NOT CALL ME A DUMBASS WHEN I DESERVED TO BE DECKED

TOLD ME THE TRU DEFINTION OF THE PHRASE 'SHOT'

TWO YEARS OF UTTER CONFUSION. ERASED FROM MY LIFE. PERMANENTLY.

MY SKIN?? CLEARED . MY FUTURE BILLS ??? PAID MY HUSBAND MARRIED MY STATUE FOR CAROLINE FULLY ERECTED

ok but like i can never say this enough goaty IS SO NICE TO TALK TO PLETAHE TALK TO ME FORVER SHE IS FABULOUS??? it blows my mind constantly that someone this incredible and special walks along this earth NONE OF US DESERVE THE GOAT

also ???? WHAT IN THE FUCK HOW HAVE I NOT MENTIONED THIS YET CAROLINE IS THE BEST WRITER I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE SHE IS SO TALENTED EVERY TIME I READ ONE OF HER FICS I END UP THINKING ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS FOR 958495894 YEARS ALRIGHT THEY FUCK ME UP THEY WAY SHE HANDLES WORDS FUCKS ME UP HOW CAN YOUT TAKE FUCKING LETTERS AND THEN SHOVE THEM UP MY ASS LIKE THIS I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I am Not Strong Enough For This

i am not even kidding ok THE WAY U HANDLE WORDS IS IN.FUCKING.CREDIBLE whenever u use them its like?? u turned them into something precious and all your writing have this feel to it like as if im holding a delicate bouqet of a thousand yellow flowers like im holding a butterfly in my hands like im holding a box of eggs and i am scared shitless to drop it bC MY DAD WILL PERSONALLY CRUCIFY ME

I AM AWFUL AT DESCRIPTIONS BUT I HOPE U SEE WHAT I MEAN. LIKE. IT IS SO *SCREAMS* MINBLOWING DECK ME WITH ALL UR WORDS EVER

I AM ONE HUNDRED FUCKING PERCENT NEVER OKAY WITH ANYTHING YOU WRITE IT HURTS SO GOOD AND I LOVE IT

ok ok this hoe right here has written THREE fics with a dedication for me at the beginning and like.............. ..... do u ever just cri

i have 'the glorious everywhere' printed out and FUCKING PINNED TO MY WALL WHERE I CAN SEE IT FROM ALL CORNERS OF MY ROOM ALWAYS back in my apartment in russia like it is legitimately the best thing. i love everything about this piece it should be adapted into a novel or a short film like PULL SOME FIFTY SHADES OF GREY SHIT W/ IT OK the imagery and REALNESS of this fic gets to me all the time and im crying im crying im crying I ABSOLUTELY ADORE IT PLS @ CAROLINE WHY ARE U SO TALENT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT LOOK AT THIS BULLSHIT FUCKIG I THINK ABOUT THIS FIC EVERY SINGLE DAY WHEN I WAKE UP FUCKING LOOK ' You see her hair dripping down her head and spinning out over the seats in the back and lighting them on fire. You see her pale skin and electric veins as she puts her hand out the window and tries to catch the sky and stuff it up her sleeve. You hear her voice, “Just drive James, you’ll know where we’re going when we get there.”  

REALLY I AM NOT FUCKIGN Okay CALL AN AMBULANCE CALL IT NOW I AM UNWELL I AM SICK I AM DYING FUK ME RITE UP

i am fully convinced this is the greatest thing thats ever been written.like. How. the. FUCK. tbh i want this paragraph ENTIRELY TATTOOED ON MY ASS I AM ZCRYING @ CAROLINE YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BRAIN AND I AM SO VERY GLAD THAT IT EXISTS

i will not go into depth abt yelling about ur fics bc tbh i think u Know but I JUST WANNA SAY 'oh darling i have coloured blood (that i stole from you)' is the most iconic piece of literature to this day ever the and i zcri all the time because you are a goddamn bloody genius and you shine in colours beyond my comprehension and i love you so so so incredibly much

MY LOVE IS SO FUCKING TALENTED I AM YELLING I AM YELLING I AM YELLING

DOESN'T EAT FRIED SPERM

writes the BEST emails in history

UR SO LOVELY U GIVE ME SO MANY BEAUTIFUL SPELLING ERRORS FOR ME TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY ENJOY I AM GIGGLING *GIGGLES* IT BRINGS ME SO MUCH JOY WHEN U FUCK THINGS UP

tbh it is how fried chair came to life like it was actually in one of your first fanmails to me u said that two years ago and to this day it remains the Most Iconic Thing Ever

STRONG SUPPORTER OF WEETBIX

LOVES WEETBIX

FOUGHT TIGERS AND LIONS FOR HER FAMILY AND WAS SAVED BY WEETBIX AND WEETBIX ALONE 

ACTUALLY HAD A THING CALLED ‘WEETBIX DISCOURSE’ ON HER BLOG LIKE IT WAS ACTUALLY A THING THAT HAPPENED A REAL THING THAT OCCURED AND WAS PASSIONATELY ARGUED ABOUT AND I HAVE SEEN THINGS THAT CANNOT BE UNSEEN

RIGHTFULLY SO BC WEETBIX >>>>> JONAH GRIGGS I AM SORRY IT IS THE RULES

FUCK THE H8RS

like ??? is hilarious af QUEEN OF HUMOUR AND MAKING ME SNORT MY GODDAMN CHOCLATE MILK LIKE CAN U NOT BE SO EXCEPTIONAL U HO HAVE SOME CONSIDERATION U LIL BITCH but YES a++ top notch QUALITY storytelling skills in both fic writing and tequila struggles I APPRECIATE IT TO DEATH

ok ok ok also the most beautiful person ever??? LIKE ???????????????? BITCH WHAT THE FUCK ??????????????????????????????????????????????? WHO ALLOWED U

THE MOST PERFECT HAIR. ur hair is like waves of a golden ocean cascading from ur hEAD AND IT IS SO MAGICALLY FITTING B/C U R AN ETHEREAL BEING AND THE FACT THAT U HAVE AN ENTIRE WILD SEA RAGING ON UR HEAD JUST PROVES TO ME THAT U ARE A GOD AMONG MORTALS. UR HAIR IS SO PRETTY OK OK OKAY FUCK ME UP. STRAIGHT UP GORGEOUS. SO SOFT TOO AND SO SHINY AND IT FITS U SO WELL I AM FOREVER SCREAMING

THE MOST ANGEL FACE. GOATYS FACE LOOKS LIKE GOD OR WHOEVER THE FUCK WAS RESPONSIBLE CARVED IT OUT OF ROSE PETALS AND MARBLE LIKE. IT. IS. TRULY. THE MOST GORGEOUS THING ur face is softer than clouds tbh AND UR SMILE SAVES MY LIFE ITS BRIGHTER THAN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE CONDENSED AND SOMETIMES WHEN I SEE UR SELFIES I HAVE TO GO GET LASER EYE SURGERY BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN B L I N D E D

U R SO UNCONSIDERATE TO MY FRAGILE HEALTH HOW DARE YOU

SO. GODDAMN GORGEOUS SLAY MY ENTIRE LIFE I BEG U ID PAY U TO SIT ON ME WITH UR HUGE BONES AND SLOWLY CRUSH ME INTO AN ENDLESS DEATH I HAVE $4 LEFT OVER FROM MY LIFE SAVINGS DO IT BAE

has the best taste in music omg WHAT A BLESSING WE LIKE THE SAME SONGS AND IT ACTUALLY KIND OF SCARES ME B/C IT FEELS LIKE WE ARE THE SAME PERSON AND THIS DOES NOT HELP MY CONSTANT STATE OF EXISTENTIAL CRISIS

HAS THE BEST TASTE IN BOOKS and adores skam as much as i do AND LOVES CHRIS/EVA AS MUCH AS IDO AND WROTE A FIC FOR THEM AND THE SNIPPET FROM IT ????? MY SOUL. GONE.

so tol and will never stop accusing me of being smol but listen up aight. imma FUCK YOU UP. REAL GOOD. ONE DAY. WHEN I CAN AFFORD TO BUY A LADDER. UNTIL THEN SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN BINCH BC I AM COMING TO GET U

and is also the smartiest smart to ever smart LOOK AT MY U GO WITH UR EXCELLENCE ENDORSEMENT when i buy that ladder I WILL CLIMB IT AND HOVER AROUND UR HEAD LOTS SO I CAN ABSORB UR POWERS AND ALSO BREATHE THE FRESH AIR UP THERE WHICH IS NOT AVAILABLE TO GROUNDED PEASANTS SUCH AS ME

AND IS THE BEST COOKIE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE LIKE IF THIS ISNT ENOUGH TO CONVINCE ANYONE THAT CAROLINE IS BEYOND EXCEPTIONAL FOR OUR GALAXY THEN THEY CAN FUCK OFF PLS OK

like honestly,,, MY LOVE I COULD GO ON FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND CENTURIES UNTIL MY TEETH FALL OUT AND I GROW SENILE WITH MY LOVE BUT THE POINT OF THIS HOT STEAMING LAME MESS IS THAT I LOVE YOU TO BLOODY PIECES UR SO F U C K I N G INCREDIBLE I AM SO GLAD I MET YOU AND THAT YOU TAlk TO ME AND WE EMAIL EACH OTHER AND I AM BLESSED THAT YOU EVEN THINK OF ME AND THAT FREID CHAIR LOVES ME AND THAT U R MY GOAT BC UR MY ONLY GOAT AND UR THE BEST ONE THERE IS NO SHADE @ ALL OTHER GOATS BUT LIKE. IM SORRY I CANNOT TELL A LIE

IT IS THE COLD HARD TRUTH. 

and like??? i did a /search/deadgwen ON @jiilys BC I WANTED TO LOOK AT ALL OUR OLD STUFFS FROM 2015 and I Regret it I Regret it So Much theres a selfie from like when i was 14 and an idiot still on Ur blog and I look like an actual tragedy I Want to Die  we have known each other for so long its RIDICULOUS UR STILL AS AMAZING AS U WERE BACK THEN AND I AM MORE OR LESS CURED OF MY CONDITION OF BEING AN EMBARASSING DIPSHIT AND ITS CRAZY HOW MUCH YOUNGER WE WERE THEN LIKE UM WTF BUT UR STILL AS BEAUTIFUL AND 9384930X TIMES MORE AND I STILL LOVE U BC UR PERFECT AS EVER AND THAT IS WHAT MATTERS

NOW. I WAS GONNA MAKE YOU A PRESENT LIKE I REALLY DID BAE I TRIED SO MUCH SHIT ITS HORRIBLE BC LIKE ??? I WANTED TO MAKE YOU A PRESENTATION ON UR GOAT SUPERIORTY LIKE I DID LAST YEAR EXCEPT Like i am a fucking asshole™(COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE MAN TEH MYTH THE LEGEND) who cannot do shit FOR SHIT it turned out so Awful and i cANNOT GRAPHIC BABE I TRIED TO MAKE YOU THIS EDIT AND THEN I REALIZED IT WAS Bad AND FOUGHT MYSELF FOR SIX HOURS AND I CANNOT WRITE AND YOU DESERVE ALL THE GIFTS EVER BUT I AM TRULY AWFUL

*ZCRIES*

I KNOW IM  LAME AND MY ONLY TALENT IS YELLING FOR HOURS ON END I WISH I COULD HAVE MADE YOU SOMETHING REALLY COOL BC ITS UR SEVENTEETH AND 17 IS THE BEST NUMBER AND UR LOVELY AND I LOVE YOU SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME BAE FOR BEING AN ACTUAL GARAGE ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE EXPERIENCE) SHIT DICK 100% TERRIBLE DICKFLUTE OKAY I LOVE YOU AND I CAN NEVER IMAGINE WHAT I WOULD BE WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD YEAR LIKE FUCK SHIT UP BAE UR GONNA BE IN YEAR 13 ITS ALL GONNA BE SO AWFUL AND WE WILL ALL DIE aND WERE SO O L D JESUS CHRIST IF HEART ATTACKS DONT TAKE US OUT NCEA LEVEL 3 WILL BUT I HOPE THIS WILL BE A SUPER GOOD YEAR FOR U IN REGARDS OF EVERYTHING BECAUSE U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT I HOPE THINGS WILL LEAD UP TO U GETTING THAT APARTMENT IN NEW YORK AND ALL THE HIGH HEELS THAT U WILL WEAR AND ALL THE YELLOW FLOWERS THAT U WILL BUY AND UR CAREER AS A LIFECHANGING LITERARY GENIUS OK OK I LOVE YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE

ok ok ok but. 

ONE MORE THING.

LISTEN.

THE FUCKING

*CLECNHES JAW*

REBLOG FIASCO

*FLINGS MY ASS INTO THE SUN*

WHEN IT IS GOOD AND DAYLIGHT. U HAVE UNTIL THEN. LIKE I KNOW THIS IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH AND I LOVE YOU BUT FUCK OFF HWO COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU I FUCKING FUCK JUST FUCK YOU FUCKING DICK i will RIOT 

OKAY BABE ITS MIDNIGHT AND ILL BE UP IN ABOUT SIX HOURS AND LIKE. ANYTHING. ANYTHING ELSE FOR UR BIRTHDAY WISH OK BABE IM GONNA FUCKING DIE THIS IS IT THIS THE END I WILL GO DOWN SWEARING PROFUSELY WITH A HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND U WILL BE WATCHING AND LAUGHI G ANF @OFFICALTALL FUCK YU FUCKDUCKUD CUDCKUD DNUSJNDJF FUCK U @GOATY FUCK. UFCN WHERE IS UR HOOF WHY ARE U NOT FEELIN THE TEMPERATURE ITS EBOLA ITS GOATBOLA I WONT MAKE IT UNTIL DAWN I WONT SEE THE SUNLIGHT GOATY I CANT *FAKE CRYING SOUNDS* I WILL DIE. IT WILL HAPPEN. AND I WANT IT TO BE KNOWN THAT U ARE THE BITCH THAT KILLED ME. *MORE FAKE ZCRYING SOUNDS* I MUST SEND MESSAGES TO ALL MY DEAREST KIND FRIENDS WHO HAVE NEVER FUCKED ME LIKE THIS ALRIGHT *FAKE COUGHING* TELL THEM THAT I *MORE FAKE COUGHOGN* LOVE THEM *THROWS KETCHUP PACKET EVERYWHERE WHILE UR NOT LOOKING AND BUSY BEING WORRIED ABOUT MY HEALTH* AND I WILL REMEMBER THEM EVEN IN DEATH

ANYWAY HERE IS MY WILL:

WHAT U GET:

nothing

u get nothing

bINCH

zero. zip. nada

0 potato 4 u

U CAN HAVE THE SALT FROM MY KITCHEN SO U WILL BE PERPETUALLY REMINDED OF MY LAST EMOTIONS TOWARDS THIS LIFE

maybe like the one half a potato that was randomly in my drIVEWAY THAT ONE TIME 

M A Y B E

WHAT GOOD KIND LOVING FRIENDS, SUCH AS MILS AND FRIED CHAIR AND ELLIE AND OTHER ASSORTED PEOPLES WHICH I SHALL ADDRESS IN CLAUSE 4.20 OF THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF MY WILL, GET:

actually mils is a hoe and can choke but u r the evil here rn aND FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS ARGUMENT WE WILL PRETEND THAT I LIKE MILS

ANYWAY. REALLY GOOD THINGS I OWN

I HAVE SOME SOCKS I DONT WANT U GUYS CAN HAVE THEM

AND LIKE

MY DUVET

SEE GOATY THESE ARE THE KIND OF HEART TOUCHING POST DEATH GIFTS U MISS OUT ON WHEN U MURDER ME IN COLD BLOOD

ALSO NO TOUCHING MY MANGOES THAT I BOUGHT TWO DAYS AGO BECAUSE I STILL WANT TO EAT THEM AND IF ANYONE EVEN BREATHES IN THEIR GENERAL DIRECTION I WILL BEAT THEM UNCONSCIOUS WITH A TELEPHONE THIS IS A T H R E A T

I HOPE UR TAKING NOTES AND I HOPE U FEEL GOOD ABOUT BEING A 6′3 KILLER BECAUSE UR AN ASSHOLE ™LIKE UR ASSHOLIER™ THAN THE REAL ASSHOLE THAT IS JONAH GRIGGS™ THE LABEL™ (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS™ THE ANT MURDERING HOT PIECE OF ASS™) BUT I WILL DIE FOR U MY GOAT *strokes ur pretty face* BC IT IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH FOR ME TO SUFFER AND I LOVE YOU AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR U THEREFORE . DESPITE THIS SICKNESS *FLAILS* I. WILL. BE. BRAVE. I WILL REBLOG THOSE TWENTY POSTS I WILL FLATLINE BY THE THIRD POST AND MY BLOOD WILL BE ON UR HANDS *CAREFULLY ARRANGES MY STUNT GOAT IN POSITION* AND I WILL BE YELLING CURSES AT YOU IN THE TAGS BUT I WILL DIE IN THE NAME OF HONOUR I WILL GO DOWN AS A GOAT NEVER HAS BEFORE 

BUT LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU AND I I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC I AM SO HAPPY U EXIST. HAVE THE BOMBEST ASS 17TH BIRTHDAY BABE I HOPE UR PARTY IS LIT AND HAVE FUN GETTING DRUNK AND HAVING ALL THE BANTS AND LAFFS AND ALSO I WILL SEND U THE AWAITED EMAIL IN A FEW HOURS WHEN MY INTERENT IS BACK ON  BECAUSE IT IS A CONTINUATION OF THIS BULLSHIT WITH SOME STRUCTURED DISCUSSION AKA WHAT THE FUCK DO U HAVE AGAINST SMIRNOFF ICE how is it not HARDCORE enough for u IT IS LITERALLY FLAVOURED VODKA DOES IT NOT KNOCK OUT UR 6′3 ASS OR WHAT EXCUSE ME 

ANYWAY IN CONCLUSION.

HAPPY. SEVENTEENTH. BIRTHDAY. MY. CHUM.

*BLOWS U A KISS*

*PUTS ON TWO FÜR COATS TO REMAIN UNDETECTED* 

*STEALS ALL UR WEETBIX AND RUNS AWAY TO ALASKA NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN*

*still replies ur emails tho cuz i love u bitch y u do dis to me*

[probsautistic]

Meltdown

NOTE: this was initially written on one of my private blogs 2-1-2020. I felt it would be appropriate to include here, since this is an autism-focused blog.

TW/CW around: self-inflicted harm mentions, abuse/bullying/trauma mentions

-----

So two days ago was really hard. I had a shit day at work, running around the entire day. I sat at my desk for maybe an hour that day. I was embarrassed because at one point I wasn't reading the cue that I needed to leave so I was awkwardly dismissed. I had lunch later than usual. I didnt get anything done.

I get home, take all my stuff off. Bun (my partner) is watching speedruns on youtube, and this guy is going so fast through this game that theres this constant “ping”. I’m working on a book idea, so I’m writing in my phone. But I cant get comfortable. The small lights in the room feel bright. Even though I’m wearing half my clothes, I'm starting to overheat and sweat. Everything feels so, so loud and suddenly its like I’m not.. there anymore? I want to tell her I’m hungry, because she mentioned it earlier but I couldn't get it out. I want to tell her everything feels so bright and so much, but I can't. The games pinging just keeps going. I start fighting the urge to hit myself in the face and cover my eyes. It feels like I’m watching this from inside of myself.

And it's like I cant stop.

She tries to ask me whats wrong but I can only whine and curl up. I shove my face into the pillow to block my eyes. I'm frustrated that i cant talk, I dont know what's going on. The urge to hit myself gets stronger. I dont know whats wrong. It panics me, terrifies me.

I don't even know how but she gets me to calm down. I think food and water. I remember I snapped at her when she asked me something about a type of food I could eat. I feel bad about that later. But she makes me soft seasoned french fries and she reminds me that I’m safe. She gets me in some cozier pjs. I get something on my shirt and start crying. She tells me she won't let anything bad happen to me and turns on True (really cute animated kids show on netflix), and that calms me down some. I'm still crying on and off for the rest of the evening.

At some point she asks me what happened, and I cant talk but I text it out to her. I tell her how everything felt so much all at once and that suddenly I couldn't talk, and it was like watching myself from the inside, like taking a backseat. I feel ashamed that she had to take care of me. I feel terrified that this happened and I didn’t understand how or why or what to do. Just that I had to sit through it until it was over. My whole body was exhausted. I was exhausted and sad. I apologized over and over, and she told me to thank her instead. So I thanked her over and over.

I never want to be a burden. I can be childish sometimes, and sure I have other issues, but this literally terrified me. I haven't had such a strong reaction in so long. I remember times where in the dorms she had to stop me from hitting my legs when things became too much, and how exhausted my breakdowns (at least that's what I called them) would leave me. How much i'd cry. How draining it is.

I try to connect back to my childhood, see if I can understand. But I dont. I cant. It's all so blurry now. Yesterday before I went to bed I had this visceral memory of being in middle school and having the most visceral urge to beat my head repeatedly into doors or walls when things got rough. But I just thought that was because I was miserable with my ex-stepdad and his abuse. and thinking about all the times I was gullible enough to listen to a “friend” at school, only to be fucked over, manipulated, and made fun of. How I didn't understand why people didn't want to be friends with me, why I was so “weird”. How I get so much more overwhelmed than others so much faster. I wish I remembered more about my childhood, about how I behaved. I try to ask my family but they're always so vague. It just makes me wonder how much of this stuff showed up in my childhood. (And this isn't even including food/texture weirdness or my inability to know how loud/soft I'm talking!)

I thought maybe it was my interests, or my visible health conditions, but maybe it was just… Me. After looking at some stuff my younger sister (she's 10) does, I was like “oh maybe shes autistic”. But that opened up this whole different can of worms- maybe I’m autistic. I went to google after what happened and everything I was finding was in relation to sensory overload meltdowns in autistic people.

And then the other part of me is like… Am I faking it? Am I only doing these things because I’ve seen them irl or know what they are now to better fit that criteria?

Bun says I'm not faking it, and I dont.. I dont think I am. Not after the other day. That was genuinely one of the most terrifying experiences of my life simply because I couldn't stop myself. And then I was left with all of this guilt and shame around it happening and being a burden and not being able to control myself. Fakers don't feel like that. Fakers search for validation as it's happening, and I seeked no validation. I just wanted everything to stop being so much… I could say afterwards, in the midst of my crying, was just how scary and how much everything felt.

Im not.. Im not sure what this means for me. Or for my life. I just.. I guess I just wanted to share this. Not only for the sake of vulnerability, but also I'm just... I'm trying to figure out whats going on. but its also really scary. I'm not sure what sort of answers I'll get, but.. I just.. I dont know. I have a lot of mixed emotions around this, it only felt right to write it down.

[jinatbd]

I think it’s time to reflect on 2019.

What a fucking whirlwind of a year. I dieted, exercised, went to korea, went blonde and pink and purple, took a CBD class, took a lot of Yoga, kicked my merch habit, lost and gained 10 pounds, got a new fucking job that I fucking love with the best boss I’ve ever had, worked a ton of just the craziest events, and got to see the clouds move at crazy fast paces that make me feel so light and uncommitted to this world and who I am now. I think that’s one of the crazy things of sitting here on the 40fh floor watching these clouds float and I mean literally get a move on past me above a city that seems to be falling asleep slowly. What a gorgeous view and a crazy experience that I get to have. And I had this not just once but multiple times this year.

I love these stupid skylines and gorgeous landscapes and breath taking views and just expanses. It’s so different than just sitting in my LA apartment and I’m so so soooooo immensely grateful for this change. I’m glad we moved too. I think I’m happy with the move just a little uncontent with where we are choosing to spend money.

2019 was so insanely long.

Kpop wise, I was still so in love with stray kids at the beginning of the year. I watched the miroh cb but tbh it set the tone and so I wasnt as thrilled about the remainder of the comebacks. I was still so so into BTS. I still really liked taehyung. I had a yoongi phase to shield myself from claires increasing obsession with Taehyung. I got to have JUS2, the best unit ever to be birthed by GOT7 debut and also have their stuff everywhere while I was in Korea. I got into Izone. I got to have WayV fulfill every single Cpop dream I had. I watched IP2 and cried over YMM pretty much the entire season and wenhan. I got to see blackpink and pentagon and Twice and GOT7 AGAIN!!! And then my dream literally came true. I worked kcon?!? I dont even care for ATEEZ but so so cool to be able to be part of a moment. And I got to see Woojin 🥺the only one I would ever use this emoji for. As the year draws to a close, I really think I’m a bigger Dream fan than ever before. Fireflies and DNYL was the track OF THE YEAR. I can’t stop listening to it and boom is also such a great track. And on some level I think that SKZ is my guilty pleasure EDM group. That’s super super nice to have. I’m obsessed with SUPERM. WHAT A GENIUS MOVE to have such absolute powerhouses in one group and I’ll get to see them in the new year! Also so so so proud of Got7 this year. While eclipse was not my favorite, I will say this year everyone seemed the most content with what they were putting out and they had the best time promoting all of their music. As a fan I’m much deeper in love with Markhyuck than I ever have been and it’s starting to blend into 2park. It’s been such a whirlwind. Such a crazy long year. I also will take some time eventually to talk about just how different it is now that BTS is a clear top. Nothing is as interesting or as fun anymore. Especially year end stages. And I miss having Exo. I love BTS don’t get my wrong. I rrally think they did something exceptional with their music. But I dont think I can ever refute that EXO is the BEST kpop boy group of all time for many many many reasons. It’s nice having them comeback with a strong concept like obsession. So. So happy with it. Also Lowkey happy with the music style trade between 127 and exo with obessesion and superhuman lol. I think for now that’s enough about kpop. How I’m consuming it is constantly changing. I’m not longer following as closely but I think it’s just enough. And I’m learning when to save and when to just like something.

As a person, did I become more of a leo? More abrasive and rough? Defensive and almost unpleasant to be around? Maybe. I think there’s a lot of residual habits that I had formed during my two dormant years that I want to fix including, accidentally over dominating a conversation and spacing out when someone else is talking. I feel super rusty and I feel bad that I seem to no longer engage with people as much as I used to or as well as I used to. I think I need more practice with friends who aren’t just in my immediate circle or very surface level. I definitely want to read more books on that.

Personally, I have a few goals this year. First quarter of the year I want to focus on my exercise, diet, and korean. I think 3 things shouldn’t be too hard to handle. To tackle this, I want to spend time looking at things I would like to cook to be healthier and to eat healthier. And for exercise, if I can just manage to do what Kelly did and pair it with exercise, I really believe I can drop major pounds. I feel motivated again to do it and I want to do it well. I also do want to set some goals at work but I think that needs further reflecting this month. On my to do list.

I still want to do some form of YouTube but I havent quite decided what yet. So that’s more to come later.

Did I reflect on my 2019 enough? I really think that it’s been an immense year of personal growth but also if slip ups and seeing a lot of my Achilles heels. A testament of my laziness but also willingness to make things happen. I was burnt out and motivated all at once because it felt like I was living three lives at once and I had comepletely separates how I felt in each one. It proves to me that I am able to really change how I approach anything just based on mentality and it has nothing to do with how I feel right now as a whole. I am complex with many emotions and depth that gives me the ability to juggle almost multiple universes for myself. What makes me so so soooo excited about this year is that I think I can finally properly break away from chains that I’ve imposed on myself through my friendships. I have been learning how to form my own opinion, how to defend yet not be defensive of them, and to not have to agree. It’s less of a breaking away from my friends than a breaking away from my thoughts and impressions of this friendship past my boundary.

On that note, I do think this is the year that I let Alex Lim go. I think cutting him off myself last fall was the hardest most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever had to go through in a friendship but I am happy to report that I’m happier now. I feel unconstrained and just the same indifference I feel for his girlfriend. I’d love to stay in the loop but it’s not the same stress that I felt.

I also feel more free of Alex Do for the first time. This year included the developments of his update wi th AILINA when I decided to go to exec elections, him ignoring me, me finding out he was dating someone, me finding out he was refused to make it official because of us but had also brought her home, and him moving back to Texas. It just felt so much freer to not be tied anymore and to feel bad or feel remorse or any of the things that I had felt in the entirety of our relationship and post breakup. I’m actually quite happy with where I’m at now.

Family is hard. I think this year is going to be hard for everyone.

Regardless. What an amazing jam packed long ass year. I’m so so soooo excited for anew chapter. It proves that time doesn’t necessarily need to move faster. But I should also plan with less stress. I think that’s the biggest take away this year. How I manage stress.

Here’s to a 2019. The craziest year yet.

[apsbicepstraining]

Self-Love Blogger Uses Tights To Show Body ‘Transformation’

If youre equating yourself to what you ringlet past on Instagram, then 23 -year-old Milly Smithwants to open your eyes.

The U.K.-based nursing student, brand-new mom and figure positivity champion recently posted an Instagram( @selfloveclubb) of two drastically different side-by-side photos, taken seconds apart.

In the first, Smith is wearing control-top tights that hold her the impression of a flat belly and hourglass chassis. In the second largest photo, the close-fisteds are attracted below her gut and the entire shape of her anatomy is changed.

Same girl, very same day, same season. Not a before and after. Not a weight loss metamorphosi. Not a diet company advertisement. I am comfy with my person in both. Neither is more or less worthy. Neither attains me more or less of a human being. Neither invites degrading comments and neither invites sleezy statements. We are so dazzled to what a real unposed torso looks like and dazed to what glamour is that beings got to find me little attractive within a 5 second pose swap! How insanely nonsensical is that !? I adoration taking these, it helps my memory so much better with person dysmorphia and helps me rationalise my negative concludes. Don’t comparison, only live for you. There is no one on this planet who’s looks just like you and that’s moderately damn amazing don’t ya envisage. The world-wide doesn’t necessitate another replica, it needs you. We are worthy, valid and strong beyond measure( If you don’t pull your close-fisteds up as high as possible are you really human ?)~ ATAGEND

A photo posted by Milly Smith (@ selfloveclubb) on Jan 29, 2017 at 10:45 am PST

Smith writes in the caption, Same girl, very same day, same era. Not a before and after. Not a weight loss translation. Not a diet company promotion.

She develops that shes cozy with how their own bodies appears in both personas and stresses to her fans that they shouldnt compare themselves to other people.

Just live for you. There is no one on this planet whos looks just like you and thats pretty damn amazing dont ya recall. The macrocosm doesnt requirement another replica, it needs you. We are worthy, valid and potent beyond measure, she says.

The side-by-side comparison has been done many times before ,~ ATAGENDbut this iteration proves just how deceptive angles and dres can be to a silhouette.

Smith often posts photos preaching body adoption, including other side-by-sides to make a point that she( or the others shes photographed) hasnt lost weight between one photo and another. Its plainly photo magic.

YOU DONTHAVE TO SHARE UNDRESSED PHOTOS TO BE BOPO!. Bopo is about fostering and borrowing a more forgiving, consenting approach to yourself and your mas. Discovering to love yourself inside out! It can be as personal or as socially shared as you like. . Building your ego honour through countenancing your mas and image doesn’t have to mean sharing skin online. I do! And for many others it’s empowering and helpful but if it’s not for you then THATS OKAY. Whilst I think it is of great importance to build a relationship with your naked self and to realise it’s good-for-nothing to be ashamed of- it’s perfectly okay to not be comfortable with sharing that online; after all it’s YOUR body and YOUR wander . . Do what empowers you, reinforce what empowers others! Do what experience right for you and your body-whilst pushing yourself out of your convenience zone is very important it’s also important to not feel forced or pressured into doing something you ultimately don’t wishes to do!. Your journeying is as unique as your person. Give it be that space. Don’t compare someone else’s pilgrimage or photos to yours- let yourself find what’s better for you. We are worthy, valid and powerful beyond measure

A photo posted by Milly Smith (@ selfloveclubb) on Jan 24, 2017 at 8: 26 am PST

Just a same daughter, very same day, different pose reminder that our torsoes appear different in different angles and that it’s perfectly ok , ordinary and natural. You don’t need to look like anybody else but YOU I get asked a lot lately how to start a Bopo insta page as they crave confidence. I often come up with nothing because I’m not entirely sure I understand. Are they asking me how to get started on a outing to self desire or just how to start an insta page to get justification that their own bodies is worthy in is hoped that the government will bring them self desire? Before I make my photographs and paroles out onto Instagram I started my travel to self enjoy with myself; I entail it’s still a very personal pilgrimage but I want to share it is currently and improve others very. I took photographs and wrote down love mentions to my body without picturing them to a soul- it was just for my soul and my sentiment. Starting an insta sheet could help you on your pilgrimage of course but your incitements are what’s important- know what they are before starting is my advice. Maybe do it off social media first and get a feel for your outing and what works/ doesn’t work for you and do it for YOU. Do it for your spirit. Your partisan weigh doesn’t question or establish you more or less worthwhile. 10,000 beings telling you your pretty wont bring about ego passion either. It’s so much more than that and it starts deep inside yourself not with your aesthetics. Bopo isn’t a’ direction ‘. It’s not about how many you can impress, you need to be impressing yourself. Constitute yourself proud .

A photo posted by Milly Smith (@ selfloveclubb) on Jan 16, 2017 at 1:11 pm PST

Same girl, same day, same meter. I’ve been talking fairly heavily about similarity/ constituted and photoshopped likeness on my sheet since the beginning. I can’t stress enough that our bodies appear different in different positions and the government only hearing one still image of the same kind of photos over and over, exactly a still snarl of a torso that moves, shakes, dimples, swishes, bounces, chafes and jiggles! Our organizations are moving, our life is moving and we aren’t here living to be still and posed. We are here to stoop, seam, dimple, extend, saunter, rolling, laugh and wobble! I used to check my person religiously. It was the first thing I’d do as I went out bed, I’d stand in front of the reflect and constitute and distort my mas as much as possible until I seemed ok about it. I now go straight past the mirror and remind myself that I don’t need to check anymore as however I look in my reflection it can’t and won’t change my climate, purpose, value or joy. You’re stunning constituted, you’re astounding unposed. Your organization is breathtaking and unique; there is no one in the world looks just like you and that’s powerful

A photo posted by Milly Smith (@ selfloveclubb) on Dec 19, 2016 at 10:38 am PST

Take a tip from Milly: Adoration yourself and your mas, regardless of how youre stand, sitting or posing!

The HuffPost Lifestyle newsletter will oblige you happier and healthier, one email at a time. Sign up here .

The post Self-Love Blogger Uses Tights To Show Body ‘Transformation’ appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

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[survivorjordanpines]

Episode 2: It's All a Learning Experience Folks. - Andreas

[2017-11-17, 11:17:07 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): oh god puzzles [2017-11-17, 11:17:09 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): im triggered [2017-11-17, 11:19:11 PM] Rafael Hernandez: I'm going to Kermit [2017-11-17, 11:19:19 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): i am honestly awful at puzzles so if everyone else is around and can do them, i don’t mind sitting out Jaiden volunteers to sit out. Me, an intellectual, knows what I need to do now. [2017-11-17, 11:34:11 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): if someone on the tribe doesn’t submit [2017-11-17, 11:34:18 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): they don’t qualify for the worst time gets immunity if we lose [2017-11-17, 11:34:19 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): yes? [2017-11-17, 11:34:23 PM] Jordan Pines: correct [2017-11-17, 11:34:26 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): k cool [2017-11-17, 11:34:29 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): that immunity is mine [2017-11-17, 11:34:32 PM] Jordan Pines: you need to submit a completed puzzle to be eligible [2017-11-17, 11:34:35 PM] Jordan Pines: so you throwing the challenge? [2017-11-17, 11:34:42 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): i don’t know, am i? [2017-11-17, 11:34:45 PM] Jordan Pines: hahaha [2017-11-17, 11:34:47 PM] Jordan Pines: classic charlotte [2017-11-17, 11:34:51 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): ;) [2017-11-17, 11:35:04 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): i didn’t make sure my entire tribe knew i was bad at puzzles [2017-11-17, 11:35:05 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): on purpose [2017-11-17, 11:35:08 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): that wasn’t me I mean, I AM bad at puzzles, this is true, but am I going to be a little extra bad just in case we lose? Absolutely. I would love to be safe going into the next round.. I don't care about going to the Jordan Pond. Let's be honest, I wasn't going to have the best puzzle time anyway lmao HOW CUTE.  

I wonder if nick convinced maybe Allison to flip but not Amanda as he claimed they both would flip one lied one thought he had the votes. Plus drew's voting confession i think the last one was, was on point why i never took him up on that offer. It's week 1 i can't risk my spot for you this time sorry every game is different but my alliance is Madison.

alright alright alright hot damn this game is fifty times better than i expected! soooooo, it's time for a quick rundown: https://image.prntscr.com/image/fkjkBD9RQJikMqASaB5frw.png a 30 person season? not loving that concept. redemption island? not loving that one either. my tribe? i can get down with that for now. i'm feeling very blessed to be on a tribe with icons such as ryan, jessica, and matt summers - well, not anymore, but still. he will always be in our hearts. i've also had some real cute chats with ruthie, andreas, and cole, so i'm love them so far. and that's like 2/3 of the tribe, huh? the other ones - pippa, emma, casey - are all lovely and nice but we haven't really had much to say to one another so far. okay, actually i take that back for casey; we had a good talk the other day about jobs and stuff. only for 30 minutes, but still. i'm a fan of her. so things are lookin pretty good in that regard. my strategy so far? honestly, just sitting back and seeing where this game takes me. it's a foreign concept to me for sure - in all my other games, i always thought of the beginning few days as the most important part, and i'd probably be checking in with everyone every five hours and trying to make 7 core alliances right now. but frankly i just do not have the time or energy for that shit right now. i'm not young anymore. and i gotta say i don't hate it. especially because it seems like that's sort of the case for all of us here; we old-timers have real jobs and real responsibilities and we can't be bothered to be online 25/7, and that's OKAY! promote positive media relationships tm! anyways i have zero alliances right now and that's just fine with me, i'm sure this isn't the case for everyone and there could even be a massive conspiracy going on in this tribe that i have no awareness of but y'know what, nobody is perfect and this is just gonna be how it is for me right now. alright enough of me talking about how ancient i am. who's ready for a TWISTOS TWIST? i sure am cos apparently (through some randomized magic that i still do not completely comprehend) ya boi has a RUBY IDOL! damn!! now i will say that i definitely had not even heard of this thing before now and i don't know exactly how one is supposed to use it but an idol is an idol and this one looks sneaky sneaky so i'm into it! i am certainly not telling anyone about this no ma'am because what's the fun in that? :~~())) and that's really all i've got for you today folks, i ate five pounds of potatoes today and i need a nap so stay tuned for whatever adventures fall upon my head next episode! xoxo stay gold ponyboys

I actually despise this puzzle. However, I feel like I will be safeguarded if we do go to tribal by my alliance. Hopefully, however, we do not have to and continue dominating the game.

Nick was voted out and Idk who that was. Its very clear the icons are vote out matt summers just so he can kill everyone in redemption but like it was so obvious. The twist is interesting bc I could just throw this damn puzzle challenge and be safe for a round but at the same time I love this tribe and I dont want us to lose

Oop, got some new information Apparently, L.A. And Charlotte are friends in real life. I don’t plan on using this yet, but if I’m ever in trouble, I can use it throw them under the bus. Let’s look at the evidence .... -both from New Brunswick -Hosting a season together -LA knew the name of Charlotte’s moms cat

I've decided I want to throw immunity tonight. To put it this way, I want to give myself the opportunity to go to this mythical isle of Pines in order to potentially find an idol. Although Redemption Island is here and there's really no point in idoling someone out to send them to Redemption Island, I want to do something crazy and messy at least once this season so ya. I've been letting the puzzle time go on by as I sit here and wait for the challenge to be *just* about due, and then I'll submit something really terrible. Hopefully we lose and hopefully I'm the worst out of my tribe, then I can go searching and have myself a grand ol' time! I don't know when I'll get this opportunity later so may as well take the chance while I have it. As far as gameplay goes so far, I've tried to be as under the radar as possible. I didn't say much during the first couple challenges because I want people to just forget that I'm even here. I got into an alliance put together by Kage and I'm going to just continue to skim their messages and wait for someone to approach me. I don't normally play super passively like this, but I just need to remain in a good spot with that alliance so I can get through the premerge (for once). 

Jaiden honestly we get it like you dont feel safe but chill a bit you couldve thrown it less obviously. BUT WE STILL WON HAHAHAHAHA I think its interesting that Nick won Redemption and I cant wait to see who the fuck goes next

Ok so I think I forgot to do this last episode oops. I think I am in a good position on my tribe. Right now I have an "Old School" alliance of me Jess Casey and Cole. I do like this group a lot but I know Casey does not care about real life friendships in games, which is fine I would not be upset if she turned on me, it just means in the game I am not going to trust her that much. But I also have Emma and Ari who I trust and like a lot. Then there is Andreas, the last game we played together was a disaster since we were so actively against each other. Ruthie is a cutie but I don't really know her all that well. And Pippa is just..well my daughter who I apparently don't work with ever. Right now my goal is to get Pippa out. It seems like the easier vote, but I would like Andreas/Ruthie out earlier than later in this game. I know they both have lots of friends that are not me or my friends which makes them threats in my opinion. Cole is great by the way and I love him.

I'm really glad it seems like we already have a name of someone to vote out. I'm going out tonight and I'm just semi stressed that things are going to change and it'll be me though, AHH. 

I don't know if I confessed about this so fuck it. I am glad that Kage is going to the isle of pines. I would like to consider him my number 1 ally in this game so far. The "Icons Only" alliance seems to be strong enough to survive one or two votes, but it will definitely get messy as our numbers dwindle. Thankfully, that has not happened yet since we won immunity. I know Jaiden got the worst score to go to the isle of pines but like he didn't need to lose that hard. We won but if we lost because of Jaiden's antics I would have been pissed. I am keeping an eye on him just in case things go awry. In my eyes, he is at the bottom of the totem pole including Gage. However, I like Gage more and I want to keep him close so that we can go against Charlotte and LA if the time comes.

At tribal council last round, Matt went 10-0, which was expected. He hadn't been online, and no one wanted an inactive. Then he also didn't submit for Redemption Island, so he became the first boot of our season. I think Matt going was an easy vote and allowed those of us on our tribe an opportunity to mingle and socialize more. Meanwhile, during the past tribal, Pippa's name was also thrown out because she hasn't really been online at all, and was barely active. I hoped that with the second chance she was given that she would socialize more as she is someone I would like to see deep in this game - but it looks like might not happen. For the immunity challenge, we had to do a god AWFUL puzzle which made me not like looking at Jordan Pines' face. I know - terrible!!!! So, I got the second best time on my tribe, and 4th(?) best overall which I was kind of surprised about. I expected some really good times and tried to have a mediocre time but I came out on top. So, despite Ryan and I being 2 of the best times, we still lost. Then Pines introduced the Isles of Pines, and Cole, who had the worst time, got sent there and was immune from the vote. I think had he not been safe his name may have been suggested. Thinking back, aligning with him might not have been my best bet as I don't see him as someone people want to take further. Especially if he's shit at challenges . But he shall tell me what was there, which is good. So following this, Emma messaged me stating she is worried, as she did not do the challenge that she may be in danger. I assured her she would be fine, and went talking to Ryan and Jessica trying to get Pippa's name back on the chopping block. They both seemed to agree that it made the most sense, and now, with 7 hours left until votes are due Pippa has yet to make an appearance. Unless something sketchy happens, she should be on redemption soon. Emma and I were celebrating that we are probably safe again and then she suggested we make a Her/Me/Ryan/Aru/Jessica/Ruthie alliance which I think would be good. We're the stongest 6 on our tribe if we wanna move forward and I haven't had a solid alliance in recent seasons which I think fucked me over. So we each took 2 names and decided to chat with them. I had Ari and Jess. Ari agreed right away that we should do that alliance and Jess hasn't been online to chat with about it. The tribe is very quiet and I think it's because we all have lives to lead. Plus we just went to tribal with 10 and now there's gonna be 8 of us and it's a huge jump. One last thing, the puzzle thing showed who's better then puzzles at me. And while I did get a time of 18 mins my first time, that was still better then a majority of people. You know when else there was a challenge ? The secret power thing. And if Kage and Drew and Ryan were faster then me, then its safe to assume one of them has it. BUT, Ryan was talking during the time that post went up the first night so he doesn't have it. It's either Kage or Drew then. We shall see what it is. But I know that i'm not gonna go around advertising theirs a hidden power. Did that in Great Lakes and it caused a lot more trouble then it should have. It's all a learning experience folks.

Yay! We won immunity again! Even better I won reward! At camp, I’m working on my personal relationships, specifically with Regan, David, Gage, and Rafael. I hope that by befriending them that they will be more sympathetic in my time of need. Tisk tisk tisk Jaiden, he tried put his own personal desires ahead of the tribe. He tried to get the worst time so if we lost, he’d go the Isles Of The Pines. Jokes on him, I got it. Oh well, at least this just builds my case for whenever I want to get out Jaiden. At Isles Of The Pines I got stuck with Chrissa and Cole. Gross. The only dirt I got from them was from Chrissa saying Liam is probably going home tonight. So not much. I searched and to my luck, found a clue to the idol.... “Along the Southern Path you be, You find a nice and climbable tree. It holds 4 holes for which you see, in one of them is where powers be.“ The clue is still there so someone else could find it. I’m going to go back to my tribe and tell my alliance (Me, Rafael, Jaiden, LA, Charlotte, Gage) that I searched there and found nothing. Let’s just hope they don’t double check that. I’m feeling really good right now as we’re on winning streak, and I’ll hopefully get the idol soon. I have cases on why we should get rid of Regan, Jaiden, and Karen if I ever need them. So right now I’m pretty much the King of the game, to that I say, Long Live The King

Whew I'm really nervous about tonight! Not because I think I'm up for the chopping block, but because I have No Fucking Clue if I'll be there for tribal. Thanks a lot for cooking my pressure, CHARLOTTE (jk love ya) The vote, afaik, is for Allison, and tbh I'm kinda fine with that? Like, I've never personally been a huge fan of her, and she does start to get annoying to be around after a lil while. So if she goes, I'm cool with it tbh.

So we lost again. Sucks. Did the puzzle once and did better then half my tribe. Fucking Cole got 100 mins. Probs in putpose can’t work with that long term we could have fucking won. Anyway pippa is quiet and needs to go

My names Pippa and i hate playing games with RTP bc he sucks butt Jess: Ryan said he’d never vote out Emma Ryan: it’s because you came in late that no one wants to vote with you Me: die Ryan, you little turd

Pippa came to me about an hour before tribal and wanted to vote Emma out. She said to me that she had the number in a ari, Jessica and ryan however none of them really want to send Emma home - including myself. It sucks we're lying to her, but she should've started playing more earlier. Tribal is in literally 3 minutes and she's probably still scheming 

Tag yourself im emma and her crew 

[sylvigee-blog]

✖

✖ - a repressed memory

In drug classification, there are normally two different categories: Short term treatment, and chronic treatment. When it comes to opioids, these two are often combined–Long term to handle a brunt of the pain, and short term to handle any flare ups. 

For about 12 years, Sylvi had been keeping track of all her Mother’s medicines, appointments, and diagnoses. It became habit, ritual, necessity. She could do it with her eyes closed. It was no secret her Mother liked to get into the meds without permission, labeling her an addict to most that knew Margaret. While her sole child did her best to regulate it, it was difficult, as her mother was so manipulative. Abusive. 

Forced into the life of social reclusion and being a 24/7 personal nurse, Sylvi was miserable. She never left the house except for her Mother. Errands, for her Mother. Food, meds, clothes, for her Mother. It was daunting. Tasking. She had fallen into such a rut, stuck as a caretaker. Who was she anymore? She was depressed, no hobbies she once enjoyed, no friends. Unable to make friends. 

While washing the dishes, her mother came in, hand on her back as always, exaggerating. “Where are mmmy meds, I’m in pain,” she whined. “You just had your morphine 2 hours ago–” “I NEED IT NOW, SYLVIA. GIVE ME THE MEDS.” A wince on Sylvi’s behalf happened, dish washing coming to a halt. She expected her Mother to hit her, or throw whatever was in her hand (the remote this time), but she hadn’t. Just yelled. Surprising. “It’s not healthy–” “I am your MOTHER, I will tell you what I can and cannot do, you useless sack of shit.” Margaret slowly moved herself back into the living room, grumbling. Sylvi sighed, staring deeply into the suds in the sink. “I wish she’d just…” Her head shook. No, No. She was taught to never wish ill on people, especially her Mother. But…

Sometime later, her arms were being pushed through a coat. It was pretty cold out for the season, and Sylvi didn’t drive, meaning she would take public transport to get groceries. “Do you want anything specific from the store–” SMASH. Some sort of glass bottle came whizzing past, just barely missing Sylvi’s head. She could feel bits of shards caught in her hair when her head turned. “How about you just get out of here and nnnnever return, like your good for nothing FATHER!” Her brows furrowed, feeling her heart twinge. “Don’t bring dad–” “DONT YOU CALL HIM DAD, HE ISN’T YOUR FUCKING DAD, NO ONE WHO J-JUST LEAVES IS A DAD!” Margaret had begun some raging escapade of throwing things to the ground, kicking the table over, and so forth. Sylvi merely watched, used to these medicine-and-alcohol-cocktail episodes. 

But this was different, because this– This was– “You know, I’m sure you’re the reason he left! I’m sure he is off ssssome where, laughing about his shitty daughter he got rid of! After all, you’re ssuch a usseless piece of crap, right?” Her mother laughed, a cruel, dark laugh. “I mean you can’t even take care of an old woman! You’re so fucking useless, you might as well just jump in front of that bus you take–since your anxiety is sssssoooo awful you can’t drive like a normal functioning human! It’s why people hate you, all people can do is HATE YOU.” Something was off, something broke. Snapped. Sylvi’s eyes glazed over, blinking slow, staring at her abuser. “Okay… Mom. Okay.” She offered, slow, monotone, directed not entirely towards her. Margaret kept on going, insult after insult. “I have to. I need to use the bathroom.” Sylvi excused herself. 

There was a false panel in the bathroom in the hall, hidden behind the back of the toilet. It’s where Sylvi kept a majority of the meds her mother took, as there was no way she was smart enough or limber enough to look back there. Sitting on the floor, she glanced at the medicine, it felt heavy in her hands. She took several types, but a long term, Fentanyl, and a short term, Liquid Morphine where the bread and butter. Her Mom didn’t really care for the Fentanyl, even though it is considered a particularly deadly strong drug when taken in short bursts. Her patch was a fairly high dosing to begin with. 

As with most opioid packages, the box contained throw-away slips for the used patches. Over the years, Sylvi learned many things–like the reason for said slips was because there was always some drug left over. And as with many illegal, mixed drugs, fentanyl was a base used because of how potent it was. Liquid Morphine was just as dangerous, injecting potent liquid medicine into your veins was tricky, and it was why Sylvi was in charge of it. 

Sitting on the floor, she could still hear her mother shouting about nonsense. In a haze, she peeled back a slip, looking at several used Fentanyl patches. “Good,” she whispered, dull and lifeless. The syringe typically used for just the morphine was plunged into the patch at an angle, a slow draw pulling out what was left. Sylvi figured there was probably about 200mcg in each left over, which was a high enough dose to put someone in a coma if they were not already dependent on narcotics. She collected from several, hoping it was enough. Stabbing the needle into the Morphine lid, she squeezed out the Fentanyl, shaking vigorously to disperse it. Her heart was beating so fast she thought it might drive her nuts. Placing the patches just so in the garbage, she left out the needle and morphine bottle on the sink. “Perfect.”

Her foot steps pattered down the stairs, face stoic and not full of any particular emotion. Turning, she looked at her Mother. “I’m done. So. Your medicine is upstairs. You’ve seen me do it plenty of times.” Her stutter was lacking–completely gone in fact–as she spoke these cold words. Had she paid enough attention, she would’ve noticed the confused look on Margaret’s face. “Syl–” “I’m going out.” She exited the home, slamming it behind her. Good Riddance.

—–

I still am very foggy about what– You know, Mom. I don’t understand, because I was certain–The were hidden. I know they were hidden. She must have spied–or maybe… Mmm. I don’t know. I remember her–She yelled, and I left, and then? I can’t figure out–I don’t know how she found it.