#am i salty? yes!! am i bitter? yes!!!! will i continue to be til the end of time? probably!!!

[drev-the-procrastinator]

Like. ok

ok 15 12s from the juries and zero (0!!!!!) 12s from the public taking the win from 2 12s from the juries and 18 12s from the public. ok. ok. sure

[deadspace-babe]

Tin Cup

My first official fic! 

This is a simple Julian X Reader. How the day boils down after a night out together. (nsfw and fluff tbh)

     We stumbled into the shop at around 3 am bellowing sailor shanties, arms hooked and legs kicking. Julian and I spent all night at the Rowdy Raven drowning sorrows, sharing stories, singing, dancing and shouting sweet nothings seemingly to everyone in the bar instead of just whispering them to each other. Jules was about 6 drinks down and I about 4. I wanted to drink more but I was already tripping and the taste of the salty bitters at the back of my throat kept me from downing anymore. I’m not quite sure how Julian does it but he definitely holds his liquor better. Even though he drank two more mugs of bitter piss than I did, he seems just barely buzzed.

As we pushed and tripped through the curtains to the back our song turned to laughter and we flopped down on the couch almost flopping to the floor we fell so hard. I landed on top, his arms lazily draped over me and his face still scrunched with laughter. God he’s so beautiful like this, when he blushes like that my ears burn and all I can think about is kissing him forever. I lay a small kiss on the top of his nose and his skin lights up a few more shades. With the alcohol still clouding my head I can’t help but wonder how far down his blush goes. We’ve been naked together before but I’ve never really seen him in the light, everything we’ve done together had always been closed under the cover of the night. I didn’t realize how badly I wanted to see all of him until now.

I guess I was staring cause Jules giggles and clears his throat, “You want me to make you some tea mlady you’re looking a little under the weather ya? Or am I distracting you?” He says teasingly poking at my reddening cheeks.

I roll my eyes and roll off of him giving a quick nod, “Earl grey please.” He nodded and pushed of the couch swaying a bit but maintaining his demeanor. As I waited I thought back on the night we had and many before this and how deeply in love I am with this man. Since the moment I met him I feel like I knew. The way he looked at me and trusted me and acted so selflessly curse or not. No one has ever meant more to me than he does. How did I get so lucky.

“What are you smiling about darling? Something happen while I was gone?” He huffs playful while handing me my mug.

“You” I reply nonchalantly. I inhale deeply taking in the smell of soft earl grey and Julian’s black coffee as he figures through my response his face switching through so many emotions. I take a slow sip and let out a chuckle,

“Nothing bad, just how lucky I am” I slump against his shoulder feeling it sag a little at the contact.

“If anyone’s lucky it’s me darling. I never thought I’d be loved by anyone. I thought I deserved to die and was willing to do so for something I couldn’t even remember. You’re the only one to have ever shown me anything brighter than my dim past..” his eyes lowered and his voice deepened, “But here I am sitting next to the love of my life preparing for forever.” His voice lifted and he set his mug down to pull me into his lap. I push back into his chest and sigh,

“Ya ya I love you too you big sap” I put my own mug down and pull him in for a kiss pulling off his eye patch, “My perfect Ilya, you’re worth more than anything in the world” I can’t help but get lost in his beautiful eyes. The red making the grey of his irises stand out even more” I kiss his lids and he lights up again trying to avert his eyes from mine.

He’s so cute I want to hear his laugh I spin around in his lap, watching the surprise on his face as my hands shoot to his sides before he can analyze the mischief in my eyes. My fingers start to move and his eyes widen in fear. He screams falling over immediately,

“NO TICKLING” I ignore his protest and assault his side and neck relentlessly till our laughter and screams fill the room and his tears start to fall. His smile makes me so happy. I cease my assault and lean down kissing the middle of a tear trail on his cheek. He takes my distraction to his advantage bringing his hand to my hips. I feel my body being pushed back and his hands start to move,

“NO WAIT” I yell, He smiles triumphantly down at me,

“NO PERISH” he counters tickling me relentlessly. Eventually after many tickles back and forth, many protests and a few kicks later the fight comes to an end and we’re left a heaving crying mess on the couch just staring and giggling like two teens in love for the first time. “So pretty” he whispers messily locking his lips with mine. Our lips moved together sloppily but passionately. I can taste the bitter alcohol mixed with coffee on his tongue. We break every now and then to trade little pecks and to take in air. He stops to stare for a second “You sure you’re ready for a forever with me?”

I give him and exasperated sigh, “Oh you know it. You won’t be gettin rid of me any time soon.” I say flashing him a cocky smile. I lean up to reattach our lips and a leg comes up between mine rubbing gently. I take a deep breath and pull his lip in between mine teeth. The skin breaks and he lets out a groan. I can tastes the copper in my mouth and he pushes his leg harder. I sigh out a quick laugh, wrap my arms around his shoulders and pull him down. I bite his earlobe til the skin breaks and he shudders then I watch it expectantly waiting for It to heal with a confused face. Oh ya his curse went away, I keep forgetting. I realize then smile devilishly “You look so pretty when you bleed and I can finally mark you up now. How about we get a little rowdy and see how deep the bites can go?” I whisper seductively into the offending ear. He lets out a shaky breath over my shoulder and nods into my crook excitedly. He snatches me up off the couch and climbs the stairs, taking them two at a time. As he moves I can feel his bulge press against my pelvis sending electricity up my body.

At the top he gently lets me down, the second my feet hit the floor I take control pushing him onto the bed forcefully knocking a little wind out of him at the sudden movement. I jump on top of him and make quick work of loosening him up as his nerves continue to get the best of him no matter how much he wants it. Our lips knead together and our legs find crooks to rock back and forth releasing some pressure. Though with our height difference it becomes sort of difficult to, you know, kiss and grind at the same time so I move to palm at him instead. Our kissing quickly becomes more and more desperate and so do his hips. I can’t help but to nip and bite and suck at his lips and tongue. I pull away from the kiss a inch or two still holding onto the tip of his tongue for a second before releasing it back to him in favor of stripping him down.

I pull his hand up to my mouth and bite down on the tip of his gloved middle finger, slowly dragging off his hand and do the same with the other but this time leaving a wet stripe on his palm after, making it a point to leave a gentle kiss on his “tattoo”. Then I move to his boots. Jesus fucking Christ those damn boots. They’re so… sexy but so damn annoying. Thigh high tight leather boots. Only Jules. My struggle to peel them off almost kills the mood but the humor of it keeps it light enough. I move back up his body and easily pull away his white button up. I can’t help but stare down at him. I hadn’t even realized the sun had started to rise until It peaked through the open window (hmmmmmm we should probably close that……..or not ;p) sending radiant shades of purple and orange to dance on his face and chest. I finally catch just how far down that delicious blush goes, and oh does it go far, from his ears to his naval. Oh I just want to lick him up I think to myself immediately latching my lips to the cord of his throat and sucking.

He lets out a moan “Y-yes” I make sure to trace the path of his blush leaving light kisses on his ears, then his eyelids, cheeks, smile, and chin. Then a little rougher at his neck, shoulders, and traps making sure to knead the skin in my teeth between kisses and licks. Now down to his chest and belly, I drag my tongue down making eye contact all the while as he stares back biting his lip in anticipation. “Come on I can take it” he grinds out “Just cause the curse is gone doesn’t mean you can go easy on me” I answer him by biting down hard on his right nipple and he arches into me with a low groan.

“Trust me I won’t” I say slyly watching the excitement dance in his eyes. I suck and pull on both nipples and leave bites all down the sides of his chest and stomach before yanking at the thicker piece of flesh right above his belly button where a piercing would go. I yap up the blood I spilled and glide my tongue down to the v of his hips leaving a light red trail behind me.

“You’re going to be the death of me” he whispers. I smile and proceed to dig my thumbs into the deep groves of his pelvis and curl the rest of my hands around his hips digging my fingernails in deep. I tuck my tongue under the hem of his pants as far as I can go and bring it back up to his belly button and he squirms so deliciously at the action moaning my name, I can’t help myself anymore. I snatch his pants off enjoying the delightful bounce of his freed cock and the little wet spot it’s left on his skin. I throw his pants across the room quickly taking my place between his legs. I squeeze his thighs hard enough to leave bruises and suck little marks from the hollows of his knees all the way to the crease of his thigh. The bob of his dick catches in my peripherals and I smile against his skin. “(Y/n) please I can’t take it anymore” I look up to see his dick swollen, bright pink and dripping.

“Actually I think you’re going to be the death of me if you keep looking this scrumptious” I say leaning forward. I lick a nice long stripe from base to tip the swirl my tongue around the head.

He bucks up “AhH please please” I chuckle but do as he asks, so good for me i think wrapping my mouth around his moist heat. He bucks up again and I hold his hips down. Sure to leave bruises. His hands come up and tangle into my hair and he breathes harder and harder tugging lightly. God he’s so gentle with me. Adorable. Right as he gets to his edge twitching in my mouth I pull off with a sickening pop and he groans from the pressure. His pink dick throbs again, soooo cuteee

I climb off the bed to go to the closet stripping my pants off on the way there. “Why’d you leave?” he asks when I come back still panting desperate for relief.

“I have a surprise for you. I didn’t want you to cum before I got it out.”

“A surprise?” He says cocking his head trying to peak around my body at the object(s) in my hand.

“Oop you’re right I think actually have two for you love, or is it three” I smile tapping at my chin as if I forgot. He flushes then changes his shaky smile to a more seductive one,

“Then why don’t you come over here and show me what you’re made of already. Scared?”

“Oooooo after that comment you should be the one that’s scared” I snort shoving his surprises in the bedside drawer for now. He looks a little disappointed (cute). I climb back on top of him kissing him deep and shoving my tongue in even though he’s already given me access. I smile into his mouth and grab his cock squeezing lightly just where he likes and whisper into his gaping mouth that’s waiting for my return. “Here’s surprise number one love” my hand glows a soft blue then starts vibrating quickly. He immediately bucks into me, hard. “You like it? I’ve been practicing just for you babe” I say licking into his mouth which is gaping wider due to the sudden rush of pleasure. I pick my body up off his and remove my hand. He finally lowers his back onto the bed again. Hehe not for long I think smiling slyly to myself. I put just the tip of my finger on the flushed tip of his dick and activate the spell again. He arches again. The vibrations are so fast that his dick is actually bouncing off of it. Small fast little bobs and it’s lighting me on fire. I can feel my slickness growing. Hmmm not yet I wait for him to almost reach his release once more before I stop again sliding up his body to reach the drawer allowing my thigh to rub against him gaining me a quick hiss. I slide back across his body and he catches a glimpse of surprise number two he bucks up unconsciously just at the thought of it.

“God you’re torture” he breathes raggedly.

“Oh you like it that much? I’m so glad. I made it myself” I wink at him while inserting one end of my new glass blown ribbed strap into me smiling quite proudly. The smile quickly leaves as my face contorts due to the added coldness but also the slight release. I pull out the bottle of lube and drench my fingers. I place my thumb on his perineum and pushed then then circle and hook my fingers repeatedly on his tight ring.

“Gahhh fuck youuuuu” he puffs out

“No Jules. I think it is I that is fucking you” I say plunging two finger into his tight ass and curling. He lifts off the bed again practically screaming, damn maybe I should have closed the window. I think, though dismissing it quickly. I scissor and stretch him making sure he’s ready while making my thumb vibrate on that sensitive piece of skin right between his balls and his ass (perineum btw) he gasps and I pull out keeping my eyes trained on the hole he’s been burrowing into his bottom lip with his teeth. I move forwards between his legs and he automatically hooks them around my waist while I line myself up. I push in slow and he arches so hard and so high I almost slip out.

“Did I make her too big for you?” I giggle.

“Hmph i-it’s per-fect” he stutters as i bottom out in him.

“Ah my beautiful Jules. What did I do to deserve you” I sigh.

“You know I want to kiss you so bad right now but you’re too damn short. I can’t reach.” He says heavily, craning his neck down to try to reach.

“Geez don’t rub it in. It’s not my fault you’re a whole 6’4, fuckin Sasquatch imma whole foot shorter and I’m the one wrecking your ass so stfu” I puff thrusting hard.

“HmPh aggressive” he says wiggling his eyebrows at me. I plant my fists at his sides and thrust harder.

“You know it ;)” I say with a cocky tone even though I’m struggling to find a rhythm. He keeps slipping and shifting upward I can’t keep him steady. I yank his hips down closer to me, lean forwards on his chest and hook my arms back and behind his shoulders. Hmmmmm much better I sigh finally having a stable hold to create a solid rhythm so he doesn’t slip every time I thrust. I push harder, pulling almost all the way out each time to slam in hard than the last. At this point he’s a babbling mess. Hmmmmm on second thought I hope everyone in town hears this music ;) I can tell he’s coming to his edge. He brings his hands up to rest on mine as they dig into his shoulders for grip. I swear just his touch on my hands as he bounces on me feels like enough to destroy me. My pussy is annihilated honestly. Just at the sight of him. God I really do love this fool. I leave small kisses on the skin I can reach leaving quiet encouragements in between each. He lets out a loud choked off moan and arches hard suddenly and I can feel his release shoot in between us but I don’t let up pounding in. I ride him through it and into overstimulation until he’s shaking, screaming, tears start to roll down his face. I pull out slow and he winces,

“You alright?” I ask coming up to give him a soft kiss.

“Perfect.” He says, eyes closed looking completely blissed out. I smile and wipe the tears with my thumb and bringing it to my mouth. He opens one eye to peak up at me “Did-did you just like lick my tears?? You good?” He says in a fake judging tone.

“You know if you think that’s weird get ready for surprise number three love.” I kiss him again pushing my hands up into those soft auburn curls and scraping my nails across his scalp eliciting a little shiver. His shoulders relaxed and I leave a little kiss on his forehead before dipping down and licking the cum off of his stomach making his dick twitch against my chest. I come up and kiss him again tangling a hand in his hair again and letting the fluids mingle in our mouths. With my free hand I open the drawer to pull out surprise number three. Jules is still quite distracted tasting himself on my mouth so I take the opportunity to get started. His eyes shoot open when he feels the cold leather on his neck. I latch it and he looks up at me bright red. “Ooo yes keep that face it matches the color so well.” I say gliding my finger across his new bright red collar.

“You know I think this one might be one of my favorites” he says coming up to kiss me again dragging his tongue over my lips.

“Hmmmmmm get ready surprise number 3 has a few parts” I say playfully He looks up at me expectantly as I grab the rest. Red rope and a red leash to match his collar, all nicely complimenting his hair. The look on his face is absolutely pitiful and so full of lust, his eyebrows are knit together and his lips swollen from bites, his own and mine. I rub his cheek lightly and he pushes into the touch, god.

“Come on” he puffs “I’m ready” he says staring up with half lidded eyes. God not the bedroom eyes Jules I’m dyingggggggggggg. I lean back binding his wrists together tugging to make sure it’s secure. I pull him up so he’s sitting upright and he immediately tugs on the front of my shirt. “You too, please.” To be honest I had forgot I was still clothed from the waist up. I look down to find cum, sweat, and blood stained everywhere, guess I’m throwing this away, gross. I agree and strip off my shirt leaving on my bra, he tugs on that too staring intently.

“Nuh uh you gotta wait for that one” I say smiling pulling his restraints forward to lay a kiss on his nose.

“Mhhhhh I hate you” he groans at me rolling his eyes.

“Is that so love? Well let me show you how passionately I feel about you. On your knees now please” i say in a harsh tone throwing his hands to the side forcefully. He lights up red again but does as he’s told. Since his hands are bound in front of him he lays his chest and head on the bed keeping his ass high. I nudge his legs further apart running my hands up and down his thighs and hips. I hum stroking up his sensitive inner thighs feeling him shiver under me. I reach up and spread his ass then pull back and send a crisp slap to his right cheek. He arches hard letting out a loud groan and I rub the fresh print to ease some pain before sending another hit to the other cheek. I repeat the same action over and over a few times watching his aching cock bob with excitement creating a small pool on the sheets below it. I decide to give him a little release…..but just a little. I press my hips against his ass receiving a hiss at the pressure and cold skin. The heat radiating off the hand marks I left makes my insides throb and my mouth water. God he’s delicious. I try to compose myself leaning over his back rubbing little circles into his wet belly. I make sure to slide the strap right up next to his heat and I roll my hips. He lets out a high pitched moan and tries to lift his head off the pillow. I push him down lower and keep grinding against him with the toy until he’s panting.

“Please please please darling ….ahhhHha” he groans as I push again “you’re such a tease” he says breathlessly.

“Hmmmm you love it” I say smiling into his skin leaving small kisses. I rub against him a few more times until his breaths get more erratic. When they do I slid up and hook the red leash on the collar and pull. The front of his body lifts off the bed and he lets out a choked moan. “Is it too much?” I ask with worry in my voice. He smiles looking back at me,

“it’s great you know id tell you if it wasn’t” he grinds out pushing his ass up against my hips.

“Mhm just checking” I whisper more for myself than him. I line myself up and push into him harshly while keeping a tight grip on his leash. As I pound up into him his bound arms bounce against his stomach in time with his dick. I pull his head back so far I can feel his hair brushing against my shoulder. I bite hard into the skin I can now finally reach watching the blood bloom and slide down his chest before I could catch it with my tongue. I hear his moans get louder and he starts pushing back onto the glass strap as he reaches his edge once again. I grow slicker and slicker right at the edge of release and I lose my rhythm. I’m so close and so is he but for some reason I just can’t get the right angle and the right feeling for myself so I focus on him instead. I give him a few quick slaps to his thighs and a few more hard wide thrusts that he bounces hard back onto and he comes undone in seconds.

I release the leash and squeeze his slim waist hard to keep him steady, but instead of falling forward he goes back onto my chest his head finding my shoulder and I watch his one red eye roll back then pinch closed in pleasure as he releases all over the sheets screaming my name. We really should have laid out towels. He’s still up against me a panting mess. I let him come down while I untie his wrist rubbing them a little before moving to undo the collar. I put it aside and kiss the side of his face tracing up and down his torso with light fingers. To my surprise he pulls off the glass toy trying not to show any discomfort at the action. He turns around and immediately catches my mouth with his. He runs his tongue along the roof of my mouth and pulls me into his lap I feel warm leather come up and latch around my neck. He tightens it a bit never releasing my mouth. I jump a little finally releasing the kiss as I feel the glass toy being pulled out of me. He pulls it up to his mouth and licks it, cleaning it of all evidence of me.

“I know you didn’t cum” he says tossing the toy aside and inserting three fingers into my dripping heat. I gasp turning bright red and throw my head back, he uses the leash that was still attached to hold my head there. I smile up at the ceiling while he pumps his fingers into me,

“You sly dog.” To my surprise he removes his fingers and the leash to stand pulling me up and wrapping my legs around his waist. isn’t he sore? I think to myself instinctively hooking my arms around his neck. He chuckles sticking out his lower lip to “pout”.

“What I can’t give a little loving back?;)” he kisses me deep and gentle and I feel my back hit wood and a cold breeze rustle my hair. I smile into the kiss but he doesn’t seem to care continuing to kiss my parted lips and teeth, Ilya you fool.

“Oh we’re an exhibitionist are we? I say playfully. He finally opens his eyes and leaves a peck on my nose.

“Aren’t you the one who left it open in the first place dear? Maybe you wanted them to hear us too ;b” I smile and nip at his lip,

“Hmmmmm maybe I did” almost the second I finish the sentence my head is snatched back by the leash and partially hanging out of the open window. He immediately moves to my collar bone leaving sweet little kisses and licks while rubbing himself against me. I can’t help but buck into him and groan out into the morning air. I can feel spit running down my chin, my mouth still gaping as I chased the pleasure. He takes the opportunity to hook a thumb in the corner of my mouth and lick into it making sure to clean the mess I’ve made on my chin. I buck again and bite down on his thumb as electricity shoots through me. “Ilya please I fucked you three times already I don’t think I can’t take much more.” I mumble his finger still tucked in my cheek.

“Oh my so needy” he whispers exaggeratedly lining himself up. He pushes in without warning releasing my mouth and I basically scream out the window for the whole town to hear. At this point the sun has completely risen and I can hear people start to leave their houses for the day. They’re going to think I’m getting murdered or something. I think bringing a hand up to muffle the sound only for it to be pulled back down in favor of removing my bra. He releases the leash but I keep my head in place and help him get my bra off my arms. The second the garment is shed he latches onto my breasts sucking, biting, pulling, licking and rubbing all while continuing to pound me up and what felt like out of the window. I wind my fingers into the soft hair at his nape and pull, the other hand coming up to stroke his face,

“aH jULes I love you SO much. Perfect perfect PERFECT” I yelled out the window again.

He hums happily against my skin “I love you too darling.” he whispers at my collar bone one hand leaving my chest in favor of rubbing at my clit. He circles it pounding harder and I finally cum with a choked scream pulling him closer as I clenched around him and he continues to pump, though it becomes more erratic. He bites into my shoulder only hard enough to leave a small indent (so gentle) and the over stimulation throws me back into the high as I cum again screaming louder than the first. Two more harsh pumps and he’s releasing for the fourth time.

He leaves kisses up the panting column of my throat and up my jaw finally leaving a deep kiss right on my lips that I can’t help but hum happily into. “You know you never cease to surprise me doctor” I say with a wide smile.

“Same to you dear” he says pulling out and lowering me from the window sill. He removes the collar and kisses me again this time rather sleepily. I look over to the bed only to see an absolute disgusting mess on the sheets. Thank god for Asra, I think remembering the pile of pillows and blankets he used when reading in the corner of the room. I walk over too it dragging Ilya close behind and flop down onto the mound of comfort, he follows suit. I roll over to curl into his body enjoying both the warmth and the view.

“You look so handsome covered in purple and blue” I say looking up at his duel colored eyes. He blushes and averts his eyes.

“Ya? Well maybe we should do this more often then.” He states with a warm smile. “Thanks by the way. I have to say that glass work was quite masterful” he giggles.

“Aw thanks. I”m glad you enjoyed it but damn, now my abs feel tight as fuck” I say with a goofy tone.

“Yikes same, my legs feel weak as fuck.” We laugh with each other for a little trading silly compliments and “I love you’s” before dozing off together. God I love this man.

Bonus: Asra runs in panicked after someone in town said they heard screaming from the shop. He bolts upstairs basically screaming only to find the most revoltingly dirty sheets and two just as dirty people in a pile of HIS pillows, wrapped in HIS feather blanket, snoring as loud as possible. “Oh my fucking god I can’t believe these two heathenssssss!” he says running down the stairs to bleach his eyeballs.

[fragrantae]

Makes No Difference

please like, comment/dm/reblog your opinions and feedback for this story! it would mean so much to me :))

pairing: taehyungxreader word count: 2.2k warnings: smut; alcohol; graphic imagery; self-loathing; innuendos on mental issues; based on real events

The tips of my matte-black nails pinched lightly on the toothpick, swirling it within the glass, watching my own reflection spiral in the sapphire liquid. It had been three hours since I got here. My drink tasted no different than the last six, the live music bored out into silence as the night wore on, and my dress no longer hugged my body comfortably as it did earlier tonight. Despite the fact I haven’t given myself a once-over since I left my apartment, I knew by now my makeup had streaked across my cheeks like strands of a faded rainbow, not short of the black sprinkles of mascara shedding off my fake lashes.

‘It felt so wrong to have him when he was only with me out of pity and perhaps guilt. It felt so wrong to love him so, so much, when he would never feel the same. I know. I know. He shows as if he reciprocates these feelings. It feels as he loved me too. But he doesn’t. How could he? I’m problematic, stressful, and a burden. He didn’t need me in his life, and if won’t let me go, the I’ll push him away.’

The tears had long tumbled off my cheeks onto the thin material of my blouse. My face was a fiery red, and my eyes were unrecognizable as they were so swollen. I curled myself into the sheets. That day, the sun shone beautifully, strings of light stretching through the gaps of my blinds, onto the wooden floors of my living room. I was alone. Finally. I could finally tell him. My fingers held the device shakily, begging myself to grip it steadily so I could end something that should have ended many, many months prior. I had to do it. I had to do it then and there. No matter how much I’d hate myself for doing it, I just had to. It wasn’t good for either of us; we both knew it. We both knew it had to end at some point. I finally felt… powerful enough… to say the words to him.

The nimble tips of my fingers glided across the broken screen, pressing the digits hesitantly with courage from the voice in my head promising me this was the right choice. I waited for his voice to answer the ringing on his side.

He should answer soon. He’ll pick it up; I know he will. His phone is always by his side – there’s no way he wouldn’t hear it. Hear me.

‘The person you are trying to reach it currently unavailable.’

Dammit. No answer. Maybe he’s still asleep. Yes! - the time difference might be the case. There’s no other reason he wouldn’t pick up. Or maybe he’s eating his dinner. Having a shower? Studying? God! – what time is it there? How could I’ve forgotten? One- Two! Two hours! Right, right. He should be free at this time. Let me just- let me just try again.

Ring. Ring. Ri- Click.

Click! He’s there!

‘Y/n… It’s eleven at night. Why are you calling me.’

Eleven? Was it really eleven there? I stared at the face of my clock as it beamed 1:28 AM in bright red. His voice was engulfed with sleep and tiresome, and I shouldn’t have called him I should save what I needed to say ‘til a different time. A different day.

‘Why are you calling me?’ His voice echoed in a blur, as if to remind me that we were still connected with one another through this phone call.

My mind frenzied for an answer. I had no actual reason for calling him except for what I needed to tell him then. ‘I- I-‘ Yet I couldn’t find the words.

‘Hey, hey, it’s okay. You’re just scared again. I could talk to you about my day until you fall asleep, if that would make you feel bet-‘

‘We can’t do this anymore.’

Silence hung in the air, only the static noise of our breaths could be heard. I did it. It’s over.

His voice came with a speck of confusion, although not too convinced, ‘What? Where is all of this coming from?’

By then, my voice had cracked and rose by two octaves. ‘We can’t do this anymore,’ I repeated, the syllables barely audible, ‘We can’t keep doing whatever this is. It’s not good for either of us.’

He didn’t answer immediately to that. The words had to be taken in slowly, and he needed to understand where I was coming from. ‘You… want this – us – to end? But why? I love you.’

‘Please don’t say that. I can’t take this anymore.’

‘Please talk to me… We can work this out. We always have.’ His voice sounded broken, as if his heart shattered.

‘Not this time. I’m sorry.’

I didn’t give him a chance to answer to that. I didn’t want, nor did I need, and answer to that.

The bitter zest of my drink drowned itself down my throat, caressing the walls of my gullet with it’s sinful flavor.  My eyelids grew heavier and I was gradually losing balance. It happened seven months ago, Y/n. Get over him. I don’t understand. He was what kept me alive, yet the guilt of being with him was a dagger dragging itself through my sternum. It felt as though my eyes were now trickling blood instead of salty tears. It felt as though a hundred timpani were banged all around me, calling for me to look up from the distorted reflection in my drink to face the world around me.

The clock on my phone read 1:28 AM. It was way too early to leave. But I knew I had to. I couldn’t live my days and nights this way. Every week. Everyday. This had to end. Yet, when I weakly pushed myself off the table, I lost all sense of balance, and fell. It was a normal sight at the bar. People knocking out onto the dancefloors, unconscious, immobile.

But tonight felt different. I was breathless. Every nerve in my physique went numb, except for the excruciating pain in my gut. I clutched my side with whatever strength I had to lessen the pain. Yet nothing eased.

I tried to widen my eyes to keep myself awake – I really did – yet they still managed to clamp shut. Darkness consumed me. In a room filled with people, I felt so, so alone.

‘We. Can’t. Do. This. A. Ny. More.’

The syllables played and replayed in my head. I just couldn’t get him out of my head.

Clink. Clink. A spoon bounced of the sides of a cup as the person holding it stirred their drink nonchalantly.

I needn’t ask who this room belonged to. I needn’t ask where I was; I knew exactly where I was. I was stripped straight to my underwear, which I was thankful he still left on. As if on its own accord, my head snapped to the left, seeing the framed photograph of him and I just where I expected it to be left. His arms wrapped around my waist, squeezing me into his chest as I giggled and squirmed away. We looked normal.

Whirling my body to face away from the doorway, I clenched my eyes shut, and grasped harder onto his sheets. The same sheets I slept in months ago. Sheets which intoxicated me with his scent and warmth. No doubt, I missed these sheets, and I’m regretting every moment of this enjoyment.

“I know you’re awake.” Aaah. Even the abrupt breaking of silence because of his voice didn’t stir me from my pose. I didn’t know him anymore. It had been seven? eight? months since we last talked. Since the call that night. “How long are you going to keep this up? How long are you going to keep pretending that you’re okay, alone, in this world. You can barely keep yourself alive.”

“You don’t know me,” I croaked, eyes slowly opening, yet my bare back still faced him. “I left you a long time ago. You must be happy now. New girl. New people. Without me.”

“You left me. I never left you.”

He never left me?

Sitting up, my body turned to him, and slowly, our eyes met again. He was there. Not another photograph. Not another one of his ‘goodnight videos’. He was there at that moment. He stood by the doorway, shirtless. Knew ink had been permanently painted on the side of his torso. He had gotten more defined, however, his voice faltered at the last word. “What do you mean.”

Suddenly he strode towards my figure on the bed, towering me with a soft gaze. In a swift motion, I was on his lap, cradled in his arms. I felt small, powerless, yet protected, again. His lips found their way to mine; capturing them, savoring them. He was famished and so was I, ravishing on the taste of his kiss. After the lost century was redeemed, we pulled away. I realised how much we needed each other. He stared into my orbs with worry glinting in his eyes, and I knew he too didn’t know what to do. But it felt so right at the time.

Both my arms wrapped themselves around his neck, pulling him back down on me. My eyes closed, body surrendering to the pleasure of his teeth on my skin. His head was buried deep in the crook of my neck and with every breath he took was an inhale of my foul scent – whether it be from the post-alcoholic endeavor or the distaste of reminiscing the past. Lustful moans left my lips with every bruising mark he left on my neck.

His pecks peppered my jaw, trailing its way to my lips as I anticipated to taste him again. But in a split second, he removed himself from beneath leaving my to fall on the plush comfort of his duvet. His torso hovered over mine, his eyes raking every inch of my body. From the indents of my neck and collarbones, the chaste bites trailed between my breasts to my navel, and then to the part I yearned for the most. The navy-blue thong was between his teeth as he pulled it off tantalizingly, the cold air of the room engorging my mound mercilessly. Painfully hardened, my nipples stood erect at the cool breeze. I was still very weak, but right now, he was here, and it was worth it.

With his head by my ankles, he looked up to my eyes. My gaze urged him to continue, to do something – anything! He wasted no time to grab my ankles and push them up, giving him a perfect view of my dripping cunt. This time, he didn’t smirk at me with his usual sexual cockiness. He looked as if no emotion could reach his mindset. I couldn’t blame him, for it was just the same for me. Was this right? Who knows.

His lips wrapped around my sensitive bud, sucking harshly. I felt his teeth lightly nip and graze, and I became a trembling mess. With him holding my legs in place, I felt the thrill of it all; being unable to escape. He released one of my calves, and I could feel the tension which had built up as it subsided staggeringly. With his free hand, he traced a fingers on up and down my slit, feeling its sleekness, although I knew he paid no mind to it. Two fingers rammed inside of me, before curling upwards and beckoning to and fro agonizingly.

“Tae… P- please…”

Accelerando! his fingers picked up their pace, and his lips long left my mound as his tongue darted onto my clit, flicking and licking skillfully. He never lost his ways, and I was growing weaker. Euphoric pants drowned out all noises in the room, save it for his audible moans at my core. The curling coil stomach threatened to release, and he knew it. He pulled away completely. I whimpered at the loss of his touch.

He pulled off his pants and boxers with a shove, exposing his throbbing dick in plain view. I forgot how big he was, how he felt inside of me. He aligned his cock at my entrance, pushing in slowly. With both his arms supporting his weight above me, his lips met mine. Our eyes didn’t meet, but that didn’t matter. I needn’t see him. Tonight was all about making up for what we lost, even if this was the last time. One of my legs hooked itself around his waist, giving him a better angle to thrust into, hitting me deeper.

‘Tae… Tae…’ I moaned loudly, no longer able to keep them in.

He quickened his thrusts, hitting my g-spot with each thrust. I was close, and I couldn’t last much longer.

‘Tae…! I’m gonna- I’m gonna c-‘

At that second, I came undone underneath him, writhing under his hold. My clit throbbed for friction, despite the orgasm itself quaking me extensively. As I calmed down, he pulled himself out, and began to pump his hot, sticky, cum on my stomach. Milky droplets cascaded down the sides of my abdomen. Once he was done, he left the room, quickly murmuring that he’d us both towels.

I laid there, practically nude. My hair flawlessly pushed to a side, my eyes sealed, my breathing eventually steady. I was left there. Alone, again. I knew what just happened wouldn’t fix things. It didn’t mean we were back together. It didn’t mean I was his again, nor did it mean I wanted him back. Did I? I wasn’t sure. Not anymore.

If words couldn’t keep us together last time, this time was no different.

..

I wrote this in one sitting. Unedited.

[the-elf-mahat]

A Sister’s Voice

(( Continued from here. ))

The harsh buzzing of the communicator startled Mahat awake, and she fumbled around in the dark for the persistent device, on the trunk by the bed where she'd left her gear. Rooms at the Salty Sailor were cheap for very good reasons, one of which being that the floor was permanently sticky and nowhere you'd want to drop your clothes. The humid air stank of sex and rum, and the noise of rowdy sailors filing in for their evening bender rose from the bar below, barely muffled at all by the re-purposed ship's hull that served as the room's walls.

Mahat finally located the comm and clicked it on. “Hullo?” she mumbled, voice thick and muzzy with slumber. She could practically taste her budding hangover in the back of her throat. It had been worth it, though. Her free hand wandered across the pale blue skin of the slumbering man beside her, a fingertip running along the ridge of a scar.

“I've acquired the name you wanted.” Elinde sounded as thrilled as she ever was to have been kept waiting on the comm. At least she was speaking Common, which was a mercy for 'Hat's muddled state of mind.

“Ye—have? Wha' is it?”

“There's a price.”

Mahat barely stifled a deep, heartfelt groan, drawing her hand back. “Ye don' say...”

Elinde was audibly smirking. “I did you a favor, thief. A highly unpleasant one, may I add. It will be some time before my relationship with our aunt recovers, as hard as I had to push for straight answers. You owe me. I believe reciprocity is considered a virtue even among the criminal element, is it not?”

Mahat growled. “What's y'price, then?”

There was no hesitation. “I want to speak to my sister.”

This time, Mahat couldn't restrain her groan, tipping her head back to glare at the warped timbers of the ceiling. “En't there anythin' else I cou' do f' ye?”

“You know there isn't.”

“...aye.” Her jaw clenched tight. “I know. All fuckin' righ', my place or yers?”

“Come to Ashenvale.”

“Th' Edunes' house?” Mahat couldn't help the hope that crept into her voice, though it was crushed swiftly and utterly an instant later.

“No,” Elinde said flatly. “Saera and Ebari will remain with the Edunes. You will come to my home, alone and unarmed. I will be there, alone and armed. We will have words.”

“...reckon we will.” Mahat rolled upright, shoving the tangled sheets aside and biting back a litany of curses as her bare feet hit the sticky floor. “See y'soon.”

A change of clothes, a drink, a couple of portals and one extremely bumpy hippogryph ride later, Mahat was descending into the shaded glen where Elinde and her family made their home. The only sounds were the splashes of a clear, trickling brook, and a few night birds cooing mournfully to each other in the dusky violet trees. Mahat imagined the hushed grove filled with the laughter and squawks of children playing together, and all of a sudden nearly couldn't breathe through the pain in her chest.

Only one window of the small, cozy house at the bottom of the dell was lit, and the door was pulled open from the inside as Mahat approached. Elinde was waiting for her.

Mahat crossed the threshold, as ever barely able to meet her sister's eyes. Elinde was an imposing presence, not due to her height or build—though she was certainly strong, a soldier with centuries of service to her name—but due to the absolute certainty that drove her every deed and motion. Doubt, hesitation, indecision—these concepts were nothing more than strange anathema to her, as far as Mahat could tell. Her twilight-blue hair was pulled back in a practical low tail, and she was dressed in simple, comfortable clothes, except for the gleaming hilt of the sword on her hip.

Mahat held up her empty hands to show she'd come unarmed, but of course Elinde had to pat down each limb to check anyway. Which was sensible; if nearly any other person in the world had asked her to show up somewhere without weapons, she'd at least have a hidden blade or a sharp hairpin or two. As it was, she was clean, and Elinde stepped back, grunting in satisfaction and waving her to seat herself at the kitchen table.

Mahat slumped down onto the sturdy wooden chair, scowling, still not quite looking the other woman in the face. “I dunno why ye wanna do this t' yerself, Elinde. Ye know nothin'll change. Why keep proddin' th' wound?”

“My reasons are not your concern, thief.” Elinde's expression was cold and her voice was stern and resonant, unhindered by the tinny crackle of a comm. “Let me speak to my sister. I will tell her the name you seek, and no other.”

Mahat's aimlessly roving gaze fell across a scattering of small wooden figures on the rug. Stacking stags, theirs antlers carved to cradle one another's bodies, so they could be placed carefully one on top of the other until the tower grew too high and collapsed under its own weight. A small spot of chaos amid the tidy order of the home, a mess left by a child with better things to do than put away her toys. It was hard to breathe again.

“Fuckin' fine,” Mahat hissed through gritted teeth. “She's all yers.” Her eye went dim and rolled back, her every limb going slack and loose as a puppet with severed strings. Elinde darted forward to catch her head, saving it from cracking against the back of the chair as her neck lost all supportive tension. Mahat's form was draped lazily over the chair, the furniture holding her in place when she otherwise would have collapsed bonelessly to the floor. Her heart ticked on, her lungs pumped in her chest, and her eye twitched beneath the fallen lid—but beyond these autonomic movements, she was as still as the dead for several long moments.

“Laurelyn?” Elinde dared, breaking the quiet, a sudden, profound gentleness in her tone that had been entirely absent until now. She switched her language to Darnassian. “Sister? Do you hear me? Can you speak?”

The prone elf's single eye fluttered open, a slow, ephemeral smile touching her lips. “Little star… I always hear you. I slumber… I am weak… the other two are strong. They fight their war… I dream. But your voice blazes through my fogged rest, bright and shining as a spear… bringing me to life… bidding me rise towards you...” A soft sigh escaped her, barely enough to stir a leaf. “Why do you not let me sleep?” As thready and hesitant as her voice was, it still managed to contain a note of fond teasing for her younger sister.

Elinde crouched before her, holding Laurelyn's head tenderly to keep it upright. Her thumb brushed a stray lock of silver-white hair from her sister's temple. “Lazy creature,” she teased in return, smiling although her eyes were sad. “This is what comes of staying out 'til all hours, up to who knows what mischief… you'll sleep your life away.” Her voice caught, and she coughed into her shoulder to hide it.

Laurelyn seemed to have noticed anyway, her smile fading as slowly as it had dawned. “I am dead, little star,” she reminded gently. “What lingers here in this body is an echo... a memory of who I once was, etched deep in bone and sinew… but I cannot move, I do not live… I see you touching me yet… I cannot feel you...” Elinde's brow furrowed in anger, and Laurelyn pressed on. “Sister, please… do not rage… do not mourn… I sleep, I am content. The only matter which troubles my rest… is the thought of how much pain I have caused you… and continue to cause...”

Elinde scowled. “Do not speak to me as though I were still a child, Laurelyn. I choose to suffer the pain of losing you over and over again, and I count myself blessed that something of you remains for me to lose.”

“You are braver than I, little star… and wiser… as you ever were,” Laurelyn murmured. “Forgive me for my cowardice… for my ignorance… your choices are your own.”

Elinde bowed her head in acknowledgment of the apology. “I have learned something, sister… the name of the woman who gave birth to you.”

“Why…?” Laurelyn sounded faintly puzzled. “I never… sought to know… the woman didn't care to know me, and with our mother never around, it hardly mattered whether I was her blood or another's… she neglected you and I equally… you were the only kin that ever mattered to me...”

“I know,” Elinde murmured. “As you were to me. Our parents—our father, your mother and mine, they all had more important things to do than raise their daughters.” A note of quiet bitterness that the passing centuries had done nothing to quell crept into her tone. “Battles to fight, wars to win… sowing death is so much more exciting than nurturing life, isn't it?” She gave a sigh of mingled frustration and rue. “But we're better than that, you and I… we are capable of the sacrifice and love that our parents never were. That's why… I had to find out. For Saera's sake. Every chance in the world she has to be loved, to be protected, I want her to have it. Any kin she has in the world, whether fair or foul, I want to know. Even the thief who wears your skin agrees with me—she asked me to find the name.”

“Mahat,” Laurelyn chided softly, her voice growing weaker. “She has a name, too. And Saera is her daughter… not mine, despite the blood we share… though I do wish the best for the child… I cannot linger, little star… I am weary… tell my birth mother's name to Saera's mother… this form, this life is hers now, I have abdicated… become a willing shadow… please let me rest...”

“Laurelyn?” Elinde's grip on her tightened as her single eye fell shut. The prone elf was still, and then she groaned, cramped muscles twitching back to life, her neck once again strong enough to support the weight of her head. Elinde tore her hands away and rose swiftly, her tender concern giving way to a brooding fury. She stalked towards the door and ripped it open, the peace of the glade outside a taunting contrast to the tempest raging within.

Mahat came to, stiff and sore, head thick with cobwebs and half-dreams. Her gaze was drawn to Elinde, and in her foggy state she forgot not to meet the woman's eyes. There was so much pain there. Mahat was a walking grave, a living reminder of the worst loss she had ever suffered, a twisted mockery of the nobility and kindness of spirit Laurelyn had possessed. The thief saw everything so clearly, the part of her that had once been Laurelyn knowing every line of Elinde's face so well that her sister's mask of calm self-possession may as well not have existed. It was all there in her eyes, rage and yearning and sorrow and hope and strangely, terribly, pity. Her voice betrayed none of it.

“Syrandel Silvervine is the name you wanted,” Elinde said flatly in Common, and then jerked her head to indicate the door she was holding open. “Get out.”

Mahat spoke no word of protest or gratitude, stumbling to her feet and hobbling out of the house as quickly as her sleeping, pin-needle filled legs would carry her. She left the glade and walked deeper into the forest, scarcely hearing the protesting chatter of birds and squirrels around her as she stalked through, disturbing their nightly routines. She moved automatically, furiously not thinking about anything that had just happened, just trying to breathe.

A child's laugh echoed through the trees and she froze, realizing where her wayward, unguided steps had taken her. For a moment she trembled, the desire to move towards that sound as overpowering as a tidal wave.

No…

Jaw clenched, she turned and walked back to the path–back to a small, dark room in Booty Bay, and the comfort waiting for her there in the strong arms of the one she loved.