#am i romanticizing violence and codependency again despite doing everything in my power to leave past | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

honeyedheartss · 1 year ago

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trapped in my endless cycle of books about groups of boys who are way too close and violent to each other but would kill for each other and stand for them at all odds

and it's.... lays on the ground... I am mostly comfortable in my gender presentation about half the time but.... I want to be loved by a boy the way boys love boys not in a het or even t4t way....

do u all know what I mean..

#am i romanticizing violence and codependency again despite doing everything in my power to leave past #situations rooted in violence and codependency?#yes #the bond of violence and dogged loyalty is beyond anything else I've ever experienced.#those years were some of the worst of my life #but i miss having people who were mine and i was theirs #do u all know what i mean. ...#like yes i got hurt and threatened and slammed around #but i know they would NEVER let anyone ELSE do that to me #unbreakable bonds etc #but i was still a girl to them #so it was still different #i don't want to be loved by a man the way men love women or genderqueer people #i want to love a man and be loved by a man the way men are #but i do not want to be a man outside of this #i want to exist as a boy only in the context of being gay yk #(yes i have a long term fem partner and they know abt this lol we talk about it a lot)#anyways #banana rambles

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