#am i projecting my depersonalization onto wraith? yeah

[r0de0s]

wraith hcs time babey!

first off! her name is rene watanabe--white wraith doesnt vibe w me, especially since she has a kunai as her heirloom. i just wanna get that out of the way

when wraith finds out who she used to be (through the recording in the voidwalker event), she doesn’t see herself as rene. in her mind, wraith and rene are two different people

because of this, there’s a disconnect with her past self, her current self, and her body. she knows in a literal sense that Yes, This Is Her Body but at the same time... it doesn’t feel like it’s hers.

when wraith looks into the mirror she doesn’t fully know who or what she is. and she feels a little guilt because it’s like she stole this body from rene--she took everything from her, whether or not it was rene’s choice to do the experiments because she knows she didn’t sign up to have her life be erased and replaced by a hollow shell of herself

there are scars on her body that she recognizes and knows where they came from, but the rest are a complete mystery to her. it’s her body, but she doesn’t understand it because it was rene’s first

she doesn’t like to be called rene. in her mind, they’re different people and she doesn’t want to think about it more than she already does

wraith covers up as much of her skin as possible.

she hates skirts or dresses; she wears long-sleeves and coats and pants, even when it’s extremely hot. she wears gloves, too.

it takes a lot for her to pull back the layers. you have to be really close to her, and even then she’s still hiding parts of her--like with the gloves. sometimes it’s a sensory thing but other times, she just can’t take them off

(she also wears turtleneck sweaters! i just think it’s cute)

wraith craves physical contact, but is also repulsed by it

for her to be okay with someone touching her, she truly has to trust them and know them and feel perfectly safe with them. and that takes a lot of time

from her time in the facility, she’s gotten used to one way of living (isolation, not depending on anybody, most physical contact being controlling and/or aggressive). she’s scared to live a different way, one that’s safe and loving and where she can feel okay

after wraith finds out that she started the project wraith experiment, she definitely feels guilt. she doesn’t know or remember if there are any others who are being experimented on. she has no clue if she’s done this anyone else. and i truly think that if there are other experiments going on, she would do her damnedest to stop it

wraith doesn’t want vengeance or revenge, but she’s going to do everything she can to stop the experiments (if there are experiments that are going on)

she’d probably sacrifice herself for it if she had to because the thought of letting these kinds of experiments continue--the same kind that ruined her life--is absolutely mortifying to her

it’s out of a mix of horrible guilt and genuinely wanting to save people, but she’s still going to do all she can.

im just rambling abt the concept but . wraith cares about other people and if they have to go through everything she’s been through, she will want to bring it to an end. no matter what it may cost her--even if it’s her own Life

wraith values those she loves and cares for higher than herself

in her mind, wraith isn’t much of anything. she’s of little value and importance, so everyone else that she genuinely loves and cares about comes first

it’s a bit of a hazard--she’ll take risks for people she wouldn’t normally take. it comes at the cost of her own health, inside and out of the games

wraith does the same things rene did, without being fully aware of it

rene loved physics and really getting to know about it, so wraith takes interest in it--even remembering small and vague details about it despite not really remembering anything about it

wraith curiously knows how to play piano, because rene played piano since she was very young so it’s a part of weird muscle memory

the voices. are the worst

the voices are constantly there; the volume ranges from minor buzzing to loud warnings, like in the games

when the voices are just barely a whisper, they’re constantly talking because of the endless amount of possibilities.

when she’s doing something, it’s easier to not hear those voices because they’re just quiet enough for whatever wraith is busy with to shut them out

but when it’s late at night and she can’t sleep, she can hear all of them. it used to be really horrible, where there wasn’t a moment of peace but she’s gotten so used to it that it’s become routine

wraith has had to deal with long periods (normally lasting from weeks to months) of feeling. absolutely nothing

pain still hurts, yet she feels so disconnected. she deals with depression and anxiety (alongside ptsd)

wraith rarely ever sleeps, so she just takes a lot of naps whenever she can

she also sleeps w her kunai under her pillow. to feel safe

my version of wraith is modeled/based off of meiko kaji! she just has the vibes, especially from movies like female prisoner scorpion

the games are doing a Number on wraith’s mental health, but it’s not something she will willingly admit or talk about (unless she Really, Really trusts someone enough to talk abt it)

wraith wears her hair down a lot outside of the games; she has to pull it up so it wont get in her face, but otherwise she doesnt wanna deal w it lol .. im a little gay. i can have this as a treat

wraith is a trans bi woman. i shant elaborate

and thats it for now . i have a lot of feelings abt miss wraith 😔