#am i poking the bear a bit with this one? yeah. but im tired and can’t be arsed to care.

[alabastermask]

specifically regarding jvp, i think a lot of people are getting bogged down in the whole “are they jewish” thing when that is not the key issue. the issue is that they are antisemitic and actively detrimental towards legitimate peace efforts. forget the fucking teacup mikvah, forget fake claiming, can i see a single jvp supporter fucking address the actual literal blood libel they spread? please?

and am i guilty of fake claiming? yeah. i’ve definitely seen the things people post and go “there’s just simply no way that person is jewish.” will that thought ever fully go away? probably not. but seeing an internet persona or even seeing someone in real life isn’t enough to say whether or not they are jewish. and frankly it doesn’t matter. what matters is the person’s actions. and jvp has some extremely questionable ones.

so no, i dont like jvp. not because i think they aren’t jewish. im done no true scottsmanning. they’re jewish. and they are firmly against peace. THAT is the problem.

[gottlem]

‘let me go’ but like angsty lemyanka maybe if lemon is moving back to nyc from toronto 💔

here u go ! the most angsty thing i have ever written and will probably ever write. i havent proofread it bc its late, im tired and i got a bit carried away and ended up writing 1.7k words so.... yeah. hope u like it ! <3

“let me go”

Lemon and Priyanka were clearly in love. Everyone knew it, everyone could see. Deep down, they both knew that they were, but no matter how many times they ended up in eachothers beds, it just never came up. Because if it did, well, Lemon’s not too sure what would happen. But it would be a lot, maybe too much. So she decided to stick with friends with benefits, nothing more, and it worked. For a while. Until she didn’t know what counted as overstepping anymore and calling Priyanka her friend just felt like a lie, even though it wasn’t, not really. But the ‘not really’ part is what fucked her up. 

Lemon could only deal with so much. She had her walls, they were strong and tall and Priyanka was the only one who could get through, but they just didn’t feel like they were protecting her anymore. One day, she feared they would become a little too high, a little too unstable, and crush her. And she didn’t want Priyanka to have to deal with that. 

She had already made the decision to move back to New York before she even admitted it to herself. She tended to listen to her brain over her heart - you’re less likely to get hurt that way. Somehow, this time round she couldn't quite tell which part she was listening to, but before she knew it, she was on the phone to her friend Jan asking for a place to stay. 

Jan was more than happy, albeit a little concerned, for Lemon to live with her for a bit, claiming she could use the company and the help with rent. It was a win-win situation. Though, was Lemon winning? She wasn’t so sure, she was however very stubborn and once she had made her mind up, there was no going back. It would be nice to see her New York friends again, they hadn’t fallen out of touch but things are always harder when you’re so far apart. Besides, she needed a change of scenery, she missed walking the streets of the city that never sleeps. 

The real reason behind her decision was Priyanka. She didn’t tell anyone about it but Jan, knowing she would need at least some form of support once the train arrived. She just couldn’t bear to keep up with whatever their current situation was, but also she wasn’t sure she had the courage to talk about her real feelings, so the only option she could see was to just run away. They could keep in contact, a couple of texts and maybe a bi-weekly phone call, and Lemon could find some other girl to fall in love with and then she would be over her. 

She didn’t know how to be in love, and even if Priyanka could show her, she didn’t know if she was ready, if she was prepared. Because love was scary. Commitment, too. It’s not that Lemon was scared they would end up breaking up, she was scared that they would never break up. She was still young, and while some people long to find the love of their life early on, Lemon found herself staring at hers right in the face and it just felt too overwhelming. 

She had started hinting to Priyanka that she missed her New York friends about a month before she planned to be leaving. Priyanka would suggest a week’s visit, and Lemon would just shrug it off.  She just didn’t want it to come out of the blue when she finally told her that she'd be moving. And yet, all her hints didn’t stop Priyanka from being surprised. 

It was dark out, and the pair lay not so comfortably in Lemon’s bed. It was too hot but neither had the energy to do anything about it, so they stayed there in silence, Lemon slowly building up the courage to speak. 

“Hey, Pri?” She barely recognised her own voice, hating the crack that came out when she started speaking. Priyanka hummed in response, turning her head to face Lemon’s, eyes trained on the side of Lemon’s head as the yellow haired girl stared blankly at the ceiling. Eye contact would be too much, she didn’t want to see Priyanka’s face when she told her. 

“I’m moving back to New York.”

Silence. 

More silence.

Then, the shuffling of covers and creaks of floorboards as Priyanka grabbed her stuff and left. Somehow Lemon didn’t register any of it until the door had shut behind her. She closed her eyes and went to sleep.

The next day, Priyanka showed up at her door again, not too long after the sun rose. She looked tired, but Lemon said nothing because she probably looked the same.

“Sorry for just, leaving. I, uh, I was pissed off? I think?” Lemon’s jaw dropped.

“I’m sorry, you were pissed? At me? Priyanka, I get that I could have told you sooner but don’t pretend like telling you would have made me change my mind.”

“Wouldn’t it? Why are you moving anyway? When are you moving?”

“I miss my friends. I miss New York. I need a change, a get-away. I leave in two weeks”

“Jesus Christ,” Priyanka almost stomped past Lemon, sitting on the couch with an angry thud.  “You’re telling me, you move to New York in two weeks, because you miss your friends, and I am only just finding out now? That is bullshit, Lemon”

Of all of the reactions Lemon anticipated, this was not one of them. They never argued. They always poked fun, never too serious, always having a good time. But this was new. Lemon didn’t even know how to argue with Priyanka. She didn’t even know how she was supposed to react to hearing her full name, and the way she said it too. Lemon couldn’t quite place a finger on how Priyanka was feeling, not used to not being able to read her like an open book, and she fucking hated it. But if Pri wanted to argue, then they were going to argue. Lemon didn’t make this decision on whim, she needed to do this, she needed to move, she didn’t have a choice. 

“God, Priyanka, do I need to tell you everything? It’s not like I’m your fucking girlfriend!” She regretted saying it the second it came out of her mouth, no matter how true it was. They avoided the word ‘girlfriend’ like the plague, but apparently this was the line that needed to be crossed to have this discussion.

“No, you don’t need to tell me everything, but if you’re moving to New York? Yeah, maybe tell me. Maybe mention it before you have to leave in two weeks, for fucks sake, Lem”

She had stopped shouting, her voice sounding a bit more tired and defeated that angry. Things were complicated. Lemon thought running away would be the easiest option. And maybe she was right. Maybe the easiest option was still hard, but it was too late to change her mind now. The damage had been done, and now Priyanka knew that she would be getting on the train in two weeks time, and they didn’t know when they’d see eachother again after that.

They spent all day talking. Avoiding direct eye contact, getting goosebumps every time their hands accidentally touched. Unsaid ‘I love you’s floated around them, taunting them every time Lemon went over her excuse for moving. They hid behind sad smiles and even sadder eyes, but never managed to actually surface, not like they ever did anyways. 

They pretended like nothing happened the next day. Instead, they opted to make the most of the last week and a bit left they had together, refusing to mention the fact that time was slipping, or how much they would be lost without each other. Lemon spent her nights on the phone to Jan, planning logistics, but mostly trying not to cry about how she was leaving the woman who was quite possibly her soulmate in another country for however long without telling her how she feels.

Her final day in Toronto came round after what felt like a short eternity. She was only slightly ready. Her yellow suitcase rolled next to her and she drowned out the noise of the train station with her earphones on full volume. A coffee warmed her shaking hands as she waited for the train she was obnoxiously early for. Not long past before she felt someone sit down next to her and place a hand on her shoulder, startling her from the daze she had managed to force herself into.

Of fucking course it was Priyanka. And of course she was looking at Lemon with tears threatening to shed. Lemon placed her hand in Priyanka’s after taking out her earphones, and gave it a small squeeze.

“I don’t want you to go” Lemon wished she could kiss her and say she didn’t want to go either. But she couldn't because she would be lying. She wanted to go. She loved Priyanka, and Priyanka loved her. They both knew it, without it being said. But Lemon just wasn’t ready. 

“I know. I’ll miss you” Priyanka shook her head and tears began to fall down her cheeks, one by one then all at once. 

“God, Lem, what went wrong? Do I have to fucking beg you to stay or something? I don’t understand why you have to move all the way to New York, I don’t know what I’m even supposed to do without you here”

Lemon refused to cry. She absolutely refused. When she felt the back of her eyes stinging with tears, she simply shook her head and pushed them back. Not now. Not in front of Pri.

She took her other hand, and looked Priyanka in the eyes, inching in closer and closer. 

“Pri, I’m going, and it’s gonna be okay. I’m gonna be fine, and you’re gonna be fine, okay love? It’s time to just… let me go.”

Lemon released her hands and stood up, the action followed by Priyanka, who gave her a bone crushing hug, still crying. When she finally let go, she gave her a small kiss on the top of her head, and Lemon had to hold back her tears for the millionth time within the past five minutes. They looked at each other for just a moment, once again opting to not say anything, despite it being their final chance. Lemon gave a small nod, as if in response to the silence, before turning away and walking to her platform. She didn’t look behind her. And if she stopped holding back her waterfall of tears the second she faced the other way, she could hide that from Priyanka too.

[zevlors-tail]

Hi! Could i get a match up with any mha male character. I’m a female about 5’2 and ive got long straight hair. I’m not too shy like i still find it hard to talk to people but if im more comfortable im really talkative. I’m a capricorn. I am really impulsive I once woke up and decided to get three ear piercings. I’m a dancer that specializes in ballet and I love playing the piano and the violin. I also am really clingy and love to cuddle. For the autumn drabble could I get scary movies and rain

I’m SO sorry this took so long. Matchups are so hard for me to do and I was a little too ambitious with adding the drabbles at the end. ;w; Here it is! I hope you like it!

I match you with: Denki Kaminari!

-Maybe you sometimes find it hard to talk to people, but this boy is going to make it incredibly easy for you to feel comfortable with him. He just has that aura to him; it’s like you’re meeting up with a long lost friend you haven’t seen in ages when in reality you barely even know him. But he makes it feel like you’ve known each other since kindergarten, like you two were best friends your whole lives. You two are cozying up to each other in no time.

-Impulsive? PERFECT. Kaminari is that friend who will push you around in a shopping cart through the middle of the store on a dare you made 3 months ago that the two of you suddenly remembered. Honestly, you two wreck so much havoc with each other, even Mina struggles to keep up with your shenanigans. And anything you want to do? He supports it. You want 3 ear piercings? Go for it. Wanna get a tattoo while you’re at it? “Do ittttt!” Honestly, if you need someone to hold you back or keep you in line, don’t expect Denki to be that person. He’s gonna be the exact opposite. If you really need someone to keep you in check, make Bakugou tag along with you; he’s really the only one who can stop the both of you from destroying the whole city.

-Kaminari loves to watch you practice your dancing. He thinks you’re absolutely graceful and could watch you for hours at a time. He never gets tired of it. He gets mesmerized every time you move and wonders how you manage to make him feel like he’s lighter than air. He will 100% come to any and all of your shows if you have them, and will always support you no matter what. Catch him in the front row crying tears of joy because, “That’s my babe up there, that’s my Y/N!” He can and WILL drag the whole Bakusquad along btw. You’ll always have support from your friends. :)

-Also very supportive when it comes to your instruments! Listening to you play makes him very emotional, but in a good way. He could be sobbing while you practice and if you stop and ask him if he’s okay, he just chokes out “I’m fine, please continue!” and gives you his signature thumbs up. He looks anything but fine, although he’s telling the truth; he just wants to hear you play. Kaminari is an emotional guy, and he expresses it freely, so tears are natural. He also has favorites out of the songs he’s heard you play! Sometimes he might request a certain song if he hasn’t heard it in a while. Better yet, if you write him a song of your own or learn a new one in secret to surprise him, he will melt. You’re gonna kill him. No really, you’re going to make him feel so loved.

-Denki is also very clingy and cuddly, so you better prepare for koala hugs and lots of kisses and cuddles. It doesn’t matter if you’ve had the best day of your life, the worst day of your life, or if it was just an average ordinary day, you’ll still get cuddles every single night. And he gives really good ones too; the way he wraps his arms around you and holds you close to him makes you feel the safest you’ve ever felt, like nothing can touch you while you’re with him. He’s also a fan of playing with your hair and giving you head pats. Of course he likes them too, but he likes giving them to you much more than receiving them. The best feeling after a hard day is Denki running a hand through your hair to relax you while you snuggle into his arms.

Fall Drabble: Scary Movies/Rain

This drabble kind of got away from me so now it’s less of a drabble and more of a scenario but oh well-

Heavy rain swirled outside in the wind, water droplets sticking to the window and sliding down slowly as you listened to thunder rumble in the distance. Lightning accompanied it a fraction of a moment later, the flash of light illuminating the whole sky for half a second so you could see the gloomy clouds in full. You and Denki originally had plans to go to a fall festival of sorts, but the two of you had waited too long to get ready to go, and now (a whole half hour later no thanks to charge bolt himself) it was too late; there was no way either of you were going out in this. Even if Denki was immune to lightning, you were not, and the wind and rain both proved challenging foes to your clothes and hair. You would both look like a mess by the time you got there, if you hadn’t fried on the way there.

“Soooo, I guess we’re staying in for the day. No way we’re going to the festival in that,” you said dryly.

“I’m sure we can find other ways to pass the time, babe. We can always catch the festival tomorrow!” Ever the cheerful one, it seemed. That was something you really loved about Kaminari. No matter the situation, he was always willing to find the silver lining.

“I suppose you’re right. Well, what can we do in the mean time then?” you wondered aloud.

“No idea, but this storm sure is getting spooky...” Denki subconsciously scooted closer to you as the wind howled outside, a high pitched sound reverberating through the room as it picked up speed.

“Yeah...” 

You both went quiet, Denki’s focus on the storm outside while you thought of ways to pass the time. You would have invited the squad over to hang out, except this was supposed to be date night. You loved your friends, yes, but date night was special to you, and you weren’t exactly in the mood to share your boyfriend with anyone today. So friends were a no go...and you couldn’t go anywhere outside either. That only left a handful of activities. You looked around your room for something useful, anything exciting that you hadn’t already done today. Suddenly your eyes landed on an old ticket stub, namely the one from the very first movie you and Denki had seen together on your first date, and you were struck by an idea.

“Do you wanna watch a movie?”

And that was how the two of you ended up laying on the floor a half hour later, a giant blanket draped over your shoulders and pillows in front of you, popcorn pieces strewn about and cans of soda off to the side as a horror movie played in the background. It had been a while since either of you had seen a proper scary movie, so you agreed on one you hadn’t watched before and started it up without a second thought. The rain in the background helped to enhance the spooky mood for the night, a different sort of darkness seeping in and washing over the room after the lights had been turned off.

A jump scare startled you both a little, causing Kaminari to bump into you gently. You dropped a few pieces of popcorn, and your boyfriend couldn’t keep himself from poking fun at you.

“If you’re scared, Y/N, you can always hold my hand!” He gave you a wide grin and giggled, his tone teasing yet lighthearted. He could never truly give you crap about being spooked by a scary movie, especially when he had been startled himself.

“We’re already holding hands, you goofball!” You nudged him playfully and laughed with him, lightening the mood a bit after the jump scare. Eventually you both returned to watching the movie, your fingers lacing into his as you held hands still.

Fifteen minutes had gone by before the storm really started to pick up outside, wind howling relentlessly and rain pelting against your roof. You and Kaminari were so engrossed in the suspense of the movie that you didn’t notice anything at first; the woman in the film crept closer and closer to the basement door, pitch black coming from open entrance, and the both of you huddled close together as you watched in suspense for something to jump out from the darkness. Suddenly something hard fell against your roof with a loud Thump! followed by several other similar sounding noises, and you and Denki whipped around to look behind you for a culprit, spooked by the horror movie and the strange noise you had just heard. Just as you were about to ask him if he also thought that was hail, the TV shut off unexpectedly with a soft powering down noise, and the both of you were left in complete and total darkness as the storm raged on outside.

“Denki?” It was hard not to notice the tremble in your voice as you spoke quietly.

“I’m right here, love.” Kaminari’s voice wavered slightly as well, though he tried to be strong for you. Both of you were scared, but the least he could do was be there for you.

Down the hall, you could hear your fellow students mulling around in their own dorms and asking if everyone was okay. You put two and two together and realized the storm must have knocked the power out. Without warning, Kirishima thrust open the door to your bedroom and shined a flashlight in, causing the two of you to scream in unison as he finally focused it on your shaking forms.

“Why are you guys screaming?” He tilted his head in question while you tried to gain your bearings, and you secretly decided you would never watch horror movies during a storm ever again. “Yo, Kaminari. We lost power ‘cause of the storm. You think you could give the generator a jump?” The redhead rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, clearly sent over to ask for Denki by someone else.

“Nah, you guys are on your own. It’s date night with my baby, so no can do!”

“Awe, dude, come on! If you send me back with that sort of answer, Bakugou is gonna come storming in here himself!”

“Sorry, man. I’m sure the power won’t be out for that long, anyway. Bakugou can deal with it. 

“If you say so. I’ll try my best to sugarcoat it, but expect an angry looking Bakugou sometime in the near future.”

Kirishima turned away with a wary look, trekking back down the hall the way he came. You turned to your boyfriend and snuggled into him, thankful for having such a loyal person as your partner.

“You could have given their generator a jump, you know,” you said softly.

“I know. But then I’d miss out on date night with you, and that wouldn’t be very kind of me, would it? Date night is just for us. They can figure stuff out themselves.”

The two of you sat there for a moment as you held each other before there was a loud crash from down the hall followed by angry stomping sounds.

“KAMINARI I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE! OPEN UP!”

[bae-leth]

i have returned with an offering of fraldarddyd:

between bouts

Felix landed on the ground with a humiliating thump, his blade clattering uselessly into the dust. He rolled his eyes when Dimitri started talking.

“You were so focused on parrying that you let me trip you easily,” the prince of Faerghus mused from above him, the sunlight glistening on the steel head of his training lance and tracing his fine silhouette. “Next time, make sure to be aware of every—”

“Oh, will you stop!” Felix exclaimed, thrashing his legs in annoyance and making furrows in the dirt with his heels. “I get it. I’m not as good as you. I never will be.”

Dimitri sighed and flopped down next to his friend, the pair lying head to head in the center of the deserted training grounds. They had been up since sunrise, sparring together—along with Ingrid and Sylvain, who had recently ditched them for breakfast—in preparation for the mock battles that were to occur later in the day, and the only thing Felix gained was fatigue and a newfound appreciation for sitting.

“Don’t give me that, Felix,” Dimitri muttered. “We both know I’m useless with a sword. You’d easily best me if it weren’t for the fact that I had a lance with me.”

“And we also know that I’m useless without a sword,” Felix grumbled, folding his arms indignantly. “I think my second best weapon would be a staff. I could heal everyone from really, really far away, so as no one punches me and kills me instantly.”

Dimitri grinned, then laughed, his hand traveling from his heaving chest to his sweaty face. He always covered his face when he laughed; Felix never knew why, though he never really thought of asking before. It was always just a part of Dimitri, just as diplomacy and nitpicking was a part of him, too.

After a bit of comfortable silence, both young men regaining their lost breath, Felix cleared his throat. “Why do you…do that when you laugh?”

Felix glanced sideways to where Dimitri lay beside him, staring into the cloudless morning sky. “What do you mean?”

“You know, you kinda…cover your mouth with your hand. Why do you do that? Does your breath smell especially bad when you laugh?” Felix taunted, his innocent question subconsciously turning into a jibe.

Dimitri smirked and elbowed Felix in the ribs. “Of course not. At least, I hope.” Felix smiled to himself as the prince awkwardly checked his breath.

“Then why?”

“Does it matter?”

“…Well, I guess not. I was just wondering, is all. Besides, your hand muffles your laugh, and it doesn’t sound as good when it’s muffled.”

Felix’s own hand suddenly flew to his mouth, and Dimitri was silent. Felix didn’t dare to look at his childhood friend; he felt that if he did, he would die on the spot.

The air felt thicker than usual now.

“…Felix,” Dimitri said quietly after a long time, and Felix had to focus to breathe now. “Is there something you want to say to me?”

The fact that he could hear the prince’s smile made Felix even more embarrassed, and his voice squeaked a little when he replied, “No…?”

“Are you feeling a certain way?” Dimitri pried again, amusement bubbling in his often calm, level voice.

“I feel sweaty,” Felix replied stupidly, “if that helps at all.” He felt he was digging himself into a deeper hole with every word he spoke.

Felix heard another muffled snicker, and he chanced a look at the prince, about to chastise him for covering his face again. 

Dimitri was lying on his side now, his sky blue eyes gazing fondly at his friend. His right hand covered the bridge of his nose and the edge of his lips, and his head rested on the crook of his left arm, a couple strands of his blonde hair sticking to his forehead from perspiration. Felix lost feeling in his limbs, and blood rushed up into his face.

“To answer your question…my nose wrinkles a little whenever I laugh, and it looks weird. I just don’t like getting picked on for it.”

Felix woke from his stupor in a wave of anger. “People pick on you for how you laugh?” he demanded, and Dimitri’s warm gaze suddenly faded as he looked away.

“Well, not really. Not anymore. But back when we were little, some older kids would…” Dimitri shook his head, as if to dismiss the topic. “It doesn’t matter any longer.”

“Those…those—” Felix couldn’t find a word in his vocabulary to describe his hatred. He struck the ground beneath him with the side of his fist. “They’d poke fun at the prince of Faerghus? They’d really dare to do that?”

“It doesn’t matter, really,” Dimitri insisted, sounding nervous. “It’s all in the past. Besides, it didn’t bother me much—”

“You’re really going to lie to me like that?” Felix interrupted, and Dimitri looked up at him in surprise. “Those…freaks made you change the way you—you express your happiness! It’s like a grasshopper getting one of its leg chopped off, and telling you not to worry since it can still walk with five!”

Dimitri stared in shock at Felix, who stared back, his amber eyes narrowed. The silence that fell over them was not comfortable.

“Besides,” Felix added after a while, folding his arms again. “If your laugh was anything like your smile, then I’m sure it’d be pretty cute.”

Dimitri’s eyes softened, and he stared up into the sky again without a word. Felix, however, wanted to get trampled by a horse. Cute? Cute? He’d never used that word once in his entire life.

The sun was rising higher in the sky now, and classes would be beginning soon. Felix turned to tell Dimitri of this, but stopped when he noticed what the prince was doing.

He was touching his face with the tips of his fingers, half smiling, full smiling, then beaming widely, then frowning and shaking his head, dust dirtying his sweat-slicked hair whenever he did so.

“You don’t have to practice,” Felix murmured, and Dimitri flinched, his hand quickly retracting from his lips to his chest. His old friend turned his head to face him fully. “I just think—peh!” A couple strands of navy hair had slipped into Felix’s mouth, and Dimitri chuckled as the amber-eyed young man struggled to fish them out, and then he started to laugh as Felix nearly choked pulling them free.

“H-Hey!” Felix gasped, letting the strands of hair fall back on his face. “Stop it!” But then, he saw that Dimitri’s hands were still clasped over his sternum, and the bridge of his nose was scrunched up as he laughed, and he looked—Felix hadn’t used this word at all in his life either—adorable.

When Dimitri opened his eyes again, they were glistening with tears of happiness. He smiled, and Felix couldn’t help following suit. He tried not to leap three feet in the air when Dimitri took one of his hands, letting his fingers rest on the back of Felix’s wrist in the small space between them.

“Thank you for your counsel, Felix.” Dimitri’s voice was as soft and light as summer wind, and Felix felt a little rush of delight course through his veins at the sound of his name. “I’ll bear it all in mind.”

“Good,” Felix murmured, beaming a little wider. “I’d really like to see you be happy more often.”

“Then maybe I should take you wherever I go.” Dimitri inched his face a little closer to Felix’s on the dusty ground. “You always make me happy.”

Felix’s heart swelled, and he let his forehead rest against the prince’s. Where they lay together in the center of the training grounds, it felt still and silent, as quiet as a winter wood. Dimitri’s eyes were the moonlit sky, his even breathing the warmth of the hearth.

“What will Dedue think, if I’m following you everywhere?” Felix whispered, and Dimitri laughed a little under his breath again. It sounded like birdsong.

“Don’t think about it, while you’re still in one piece.” Dimitri laced his fingers together with Felix’s, and he closed his beautiful eyes. Felix guided a stray lock of hair behind Dimitri’s ear with his free hand, then closed his own eyes. “If you’re going to die so soon, then we have much ground to cover.”

“Please don’t say things like th—”

Felix’s remark was cut off when Dimitri crossed the space between them, placing a light kiss upon Felix’s lips. The fire that filled him was different than the kind that burned in the hearths of the dining hall; it was a golden, nourishing kind, a kind that mended him, made him forget the bad things, made him feel at peace.

It was over in an instant, but the feeling seemed to last long beyond their parting.

Felix opened his eyes, and Dimitri was watching him, blushing just a little. The sun danced on his skin and made his eyes glow with warmth.

The prince kept looking at Felix, as if he was expecting something to be said.

“Um…thanks,” Felix spluttered, and Dimitri laughed again, wrapping his arms around Felix and hugging him tightly.

“You didn’t have to say anything. I just…it only occurred to me now how handsome you are,” Dimitri mumbled into Felix’s shoulder.

“Just now?” Felix exclaimed, holding him close, and Dimitri simpered and got to his knees, taking Felix’s hand to help him up. The prince pulled and pulled, and the most he did was lift the small of Felix’s back off the ground for an instant.

“Can we stay here a little longer? I’m still tired,” Felix complained, and Dimitri sighed and folded his arms. When Felix still didn’t get up, he lay back down.

“You’re lucky I’m in love with you,” he pointed out, affection softening his words, and Felix grinned widely, letting the side of his face rest against the top of Dimitri’s head.

“Yeah. I am.”

———-

notes from bae:

GDSFHHDGFSHJFDSHGDFGDFHJHC???? IGAFSGGFUAYFG??? IM??? THIS IS SO SOFT IM GOING TO DIE????? IM CRYHIGNG?????? I???? DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY??????

[turtle-steverogers]

safe with me

mmm here’s some canon era sprace cuz i never write that

warnings: past death (kinda graphic), alcohol

ship: sprace

word count: 1925

editing: no

-

Race kicked his feet onto Albert’s lap, humming contentedly as he toed off his boots, letting his feet relax for the first time that day.  It had been a particularly hot selling day, the new Summer sun blaring relentlessly down on the city, leaving Race more tired than usual.  

It wasn’t like the Summer bothered him.  In fact, he preferred Summer to Winter.  It was a lot easier to manage intense heat than intense cold.  Besides, their clothes were all painfully inadequate for the biting cold of Winter, but that was never as issue in the summer.  You couldn’t pull a jacket out of thin air, but you could strip down a layer.

Albert lifted the apple he was nursing away from Race’s feet, “Getcha stinky feet offa me,” he whined.

Race just smirked, lifting one of his feet to poke at Albert’s chin, “Nah, m’comfy right ‘ere.”

Race cackled as Albert groaned, trying to shove his legs off his lap, but huffing when Race stayed put.

“Can’t I ever enjoy a simple, quiet meal around ‘ere?” Albert complained, batting at Race’s foot when he tried to lift it again.

“Not with me around,” Race said, innocently.

Albert glared at him, holding challenging eye contact as he lifted a hand, a small smile flitting through his eyes as he began to tickle the bottom of Race’s foot.  Race yelped, jerking his foot upwards and accidentally kicking Albert in the jaw.

“Ow, fuck!” Albert shrieked, successfully pushing a now laughing Race off of him, “Ya damn shit, I’ma soak ya.”

“Looks like I gotcha first,” Race countered, moving to cross his legs underneath him.

“‘Ey, Higgins, ya in here?”

Both boys looked toward the doorway, brightening when they saw Finch poking his head into the room.

“Right ‘ere,” Race said, waving to get Finch’s attention.

“Right,” Finch was shifting awkwardly on his feet and Race’s stomach sank.  Something didn’t seem right, “Uh, Conlon’s outside.  He, uh, he asked for ya.”

Race nodded slowly, allowing the words to sink in.  His odd relationship with Spot Conlon wasn’t a secret, but they generally kept their little meetups private.  It was rare that they ever met up in Manhattan.  Usually, Race would head over to Brooklyn for a night, and even then, it would be awhile before he and Spot slipped upstairs unnoticed.  They were never this blatant.

“Did he say what he wanted?” Race asked, trying to leave the nerves out of his voice.

Finch shook his head, “Nah, but he’s drunk as shit.”

Race paled, wordlessly standing and pushing past Finch.  He could hear people murmuring behind him, but he ignored it in favor of rushing towards the front of the lodging house.  Spot hated alcohol.  He couldn’t stand the taste, or the way it made him feel, and the memories associated with it were enough to leave him trembling against his will.  Race had never seen him do more than scowl at a beer bottle.  

If he was drunk, something was very, very wrong.

Spot was sitting on the front steps of the building by the time Race got there, a bottle of god knows what held loosely in his grip.  His head was ducked down, hanging low between his legs.  He was completely still, but as Race neared, he could see the slight tremor of his hands around the bottle.

Race was careful to approach him, keeping his footsteps quiet, but loud enough to warn Spot of his presence.  He cautiously knelt down in front of Spot, reaching out to tap his chin to get his attention.  

Spot jerked, unfocused eyes meeting Race’s own.  They were red and bloodshot, pain and something that looked sickeningly like terror swimming below the surface.

“Sean,” Race breathed, lips slightly parted as he searched Spot’s face for a clue to what was happening, “What-”

Spot shook his head, bowing his head back down, “I don’ wanna.”

Race frowned, “Don’t wanna what?”

Spot stayed still, his eyes glued to the ground between his feet, “I dunno, I jus’-” he looked at Race, desperation the only discernible emotion on his face, “I need you.”

A shiver went down Race’s spine, as if cold water had been dumped down his back.  Spot never allowed himself to be this vulnerable, even around Race, whom he seemed to trust a greater deal than others.

Race blinked pushing his shock aside and mentally forcing himself to stay focused, “What do you need?” He asked, gently prying the bottle out of Spot’s grip and ignoring his weak protests.

Spot seemed to be having trouble forming his thoughts into words.  He opened and closed his mouth a few times, looking increasingly distressed as each dragging second passed.

“Can I…” he swallowed, “Can I stay the night?  I- I can’t- I don’-”

“Shh,” Race reached out, cupping his cheek.  This sort of comfort was rare between them, but it felt necessary, “‘Course ya can stay.  C’mon, m’sure Jackie’ll let us have his penthouse tonight,” he stood, hoisting Spot up with him, “ya good ta walk?”

Spot shrugged, “Dunno.”

Race sighed, “Aight, that’s okay.  I gotcha.”

He draped Spot’s arm around his shoulders, firmly holding him around the waist as they made their way back into the lodging house.  Race bit his lip, considering his options and settling to set Spot on the back stairs while he looked for Jack.  

He found Jack in the kitchen, trying to sort out a quarrel between a couple of the littles, who seemed to be fussing over their bread.  Race cleared his throat, earning a few awestruck look from the younger newsies.

Jack turned his head, the worn tinge to his eyes evident, even in the dim lighting, “Heya, Racer, whatcha need?”

Race’s eyes flicked to the littles and he jerked his head, indicating for Jack to follow him to the hallway.

Jack sighed, “Ya’d better not kill each other,” he muttered to the kids as he joined Race outside the kitchen.  The kid’s giggles rang out behind them.

“What’s goin’ on?” Jack asked, looking vaguely annoyed and incredibly off-put.

Race scuffed his toe on the rotting wood floor, feeling strangely nervous to be asking Jack such a big favor, “Could I, uh,” he cleared his throat, “listen, so, uh, Conlon’s here-” Jack’s eyes widened and Race held up a hand, “-n’ he ain’t doin’ too hot, so uh, can we stay in your penthouse just for tonight?  I wanna make sure he don’t do nothin’ he’s gonna regret.”

Jack frowned, shifting his jaw, “Not doin’ hot how?”

Race shrugged, “Dunno exactly, but he’s drunk and ya know he don’t ever drink, so somethin’ ain’t right,” he trailed off for a moment, thinking, “an’ he looks pretty spooked.  Somethin’ bad happened over in Brooklyn I think.”

Jack seemed to have an internal argument before he clicked his tongue, throwing up his hands, “Yeah, go ahead.  Jus’ don’t touch none of my drawings.”

Race saluted him lazily, already turning to retrieve Spot, “Will do, Kelly.  Much appreciated.”

Spot hadn’t moved since Race had left him, but he seemed to be shaking harder now.  Spasms were ripping through his torso and legs and it sounded as if he were struggling to take fulfilling breaths.  He would gasp helplessly for a few seconds before forcing a deeper breath, but it didn’t seem to do the trick.  Race watched him for a moment, his worry growing heavier in his stomach.

“C’mon,” he said, kneeling in front of Spot once more, “Jackie gave us the okay, let’s getcha somewhere quiet.” he helped Spot up again, his heart breaking as a ghost of a whimper escaped Spot’s lips.  He seemed to curl closer into Race.

It took awhile, but eventually they made it up the ridiculous amount of stairs and singular ladder length to Jack’s penthouse.  There were two mattresses up there, but Race decided to settle them both onto the one closest to the ladder.

The journey up must have worn Spot out, because he was already dozing by the time Race got comfortable.  He pursed his lips, taking note of the way Spot’s eyebrows still scrunched, even in his sleeping state.  He ran a gentle hand through Spot’s hair, pressing a soft kiss to the crown of his head before sinking into the mattress and allowing sleep to overcome him as well.

XXX

“Race?”

Spot’s small, scared voice jarred Race awake, leaving him alert in a matter of seconds.  He sat up, taking a minute to gather his bearings before turning to Spot, who was also sitting up.

His teeth were chattering and he had his arms wrapped protectively around his stomach, eyes flicking helplessly around him.  The lost aura that manifested around him almost made him seem younger.

“What’s goin’ on?” Race said, shifting closer to Spot, “What’s wrong?”

Spot locked eyes with him, terror growing stronger, “Where am I?”

Race blew out a breath.  He’d been dreading this.

“Jack’s penthouse,” Spot’s eyes widened and he rushed to continue, “Ya showed up hammered as shit an’ scared as shit and I wanted ta take ya somewhere private.”

Spot seemed to relax, though it did nothing for his tense composure, “Oh.”

Race hovered his hand over Spot’s arms, waiting for the nod of approval before carefully pulling one of his hands away from his stomach and intertwining their fingers, “What happened, caro?”

Spot looked down at their hands, a slow eruption seemingly happening in his chest as he began to speak, “I...Boots, uh, ya know.  The little bugger from my borough,” he stopped for a moment, forcing a deep breath, “he, um, he was messin’ around in the streets today ‘cause it was warm enough ta play and he-he-” Race squeezed his hand, prompting him to continue, “he didn’t see the carriage comin’ an’ I tried ta warn ‘im, but,” Spot shook his head, “was too late.  Ran ‘im right over.  There-” he choked, “there was so much blood, Racer.  Ain’t never coulda guessed there was that much blood in such a lil’ guy, but it was all there.  On the pavement, on the carriage, on his clothes...on my clothes.”

Race sucked in a breath, feeling slightly nauseous.  He forced himself to push the images that entered his mind out.

“He was my responsibility,” Race looked back at Spot as he spoke again, “he was my fuckin’ responsibility an’ I-” He cut himself off, blinking rapidly as his face crumpled, giving way to a vehement sob.

Race ran his thumb across Spot’s knuckles, searching for the words to say.  There was no way to fix this- no way to take away Spot’s pain, but damnit if he was going to try his best to make him feel safe again.

“My mama used ta say this thing to me,” he began softly, “when things were bad, or my dad was mean, she’d say, ‘Tieni duro, passerà’.  Over and over, she’d repeat that, until I eventually believed her.”

Spot hiccuped, looking at him, “What’s it mean?”

“Stay strong, it will pass,” Race said, confidently, “whatcha had ta see sounds like hell, but it’s not your fault, Spot.  Sometimes shit happens an’ it’s fucked up, but it’s jus’ how it came to pass.  Ain’t no one’s fault.”

Spot let out a shaky breath, leaning into Race’s chest.

“An’ ya know what?” Race asked, wrapping his arms around Spot and burrowing his nose into his hair, “Sono qui per te, tesoro.”

Spot hummed, sending warm vibrations through Race’s chest, “What’s that one mean?”

“I’m here for you, love.”

-

sorry if the italian was wrong lol

thanks for reading, chiefs

hmu to be added to my tag

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[nightmaretyrantvantas]

Sleepless nights and a shift in character developments- A homestuck au strider story

I wrote this during a bout of insomnia(partially caused by excitement) and I couldnt stop thinking about it

@turing-tested This comes from one of the MANY things I babbled about this character, so if you see this you might recognize it. 

Im going to post more about this character soon its just alot to compile for one post-at least 5 years worth or development and passion so bear with me please

Note before reading : This is in the best put terms, an au epilogue i made before homestuck even finished, and the only thing accurate to any current epilogues is the canon kids ages. 

This is long and gets a bit dark and emotional and angsty but I promise it has a happier ending. It also glosses over some heavier themes like mentions and brief discussions of nonspecified eating disorders, so if that makes you uncomfortable you can skip this

enjoy

whrrz….whrzz…..whrrzz….

The damn clock ticking was endless. The figure tossed and turned restlessly on the bed, kicking and pulling up the cotton sheets as they ceiling fan lazily spun uncaringly from above. After another bout of struggling for comfort there was a glance at the nearby digital clock

2:45 a.m

“Goddammit……” 

With a angry groan the girl fell heavily onto her back and dragged her hands down her face, staring up at the ceiling with exhaustion. This just kept happened to her, ever since she and all her friends and people she gave any shits about crashed here in a new world. No matter what she did she could never get a full nights sleep, plagued by either ruthless insomnia or vicious night terrors. Pick your poison a night. It didnt matter what the 19 year old did really, nothing eased it. And so she stared at the bedroom ceiling and the spinning fan hopelessly before she finally dragged herself up into a sitting position, head hung low. Even with moonlight streaming in blue light things felt too dark. So one tired Dian Strider fumbled her hand around the room and turned on tv on the other side of the room, wincing and squinting as its bright changing light filled her room. She glanced back at the clock and grimaced at the two minutes that had passed. Then she shut her eyes and listened, muting the tv. The apartment was quiet….too quiet…

Her eyes snapped back open, a new look of anxiety crossing her face. 

“ Hes not back yet….its Wednesday…hes late…” She shook her head and looked at the wall by her bed, at the pinned up pages of scribbles hanging there contently

WEDNESDAY : RETURNS BY 1 AM

Now she as on her feet and pacing around on fragile boned legs, absently gnawing on the scarred knuckle of her index finger. Her thoughts drifted and tumbled through her sleep deprived brain worriedly, though she wouldnt admit it aloud just yet.

Dirk wasnt home yet. He shouldve been home by now. But hes not….is he?

She stopped and looked at her bedroom door, unlocked and fully capable of opening and revealing the knowledge she wanted to know, all outside her little space.

But could she handle opening it?

With a new look of tired firmness she padded barefoot across the carpet and opened her door as silently as she could. If he WAS back she didnt want to wake him up. And there it is illuminated by the light in her room and the gently dim moonlight from the staircase and hallway window : Dirk’s bedroom door, firmly closed. She took a few light steps and Dia was now in front of it, hand grazing the doorknob as doubts made her pause. Sure, she had been living with him for almost 5 months now, and sure he had been more than welcoming and generous in his…weird stoic and socially avoident tendencies and eccentricities. Dia couldn look passed those, who was a shattered and violently anti social and mistrusting girl to judge the man who gave her and her little brother a roof to sleep under and a home to call their own when he had absolutely no obligation to? The answer was she wasnt anyone to judge him.

Not after he let her take on his last name to ease some of the trauma.

But were they really close enough to give her the right to just….turn the knob and open his door as if she was really family?

‘ Yes. we…we are? God i dont really know…But Hal gave me an ok to do so if I needed to talk or got too anxious…he said Dirk doesnt mind me leaning on him a little…so…this should be fine…to just peek in and see if hes in there…even if hes not asleep…I can just make some excuse about…fuck…anything…’ With a metaphorical slap to the face and a small huff of “ Just do it already dia stop being a pansy its just Dirk” she tightened her grip with more false confidence and turned it, slowly pushing it open just enough to poke her head in…

Just to find it empty. 

She blinked and her shoulders slumped in disappointment. He wasnt there, which mean he just…probably wasnt home yet. 

So she re shut the door without venturing further and walked over to the stairs that led down to the first floor and front of the apartment and ended up slumped across one of the sturdy steps, glaring at the wall upset and exhausted….so exhausted that her eyes fell without her realizing…letting her drift into an uneasy sleep….

And fell straight into a unrelenting nightmare.

She was forced out of it by the sound of something slamming downstairs  followed by a thump she didnt register. Because she was sitting straight up shaking violently and tearing up, fingers digging painfully into her arms as she hugged herself, breathing too fast. She looked around like a cornered animal until she was able to calm down a little, her surroundings settling back into her mind. But that slam…

Dia was on her feet gasping for breath a little as she stumbled down the rest of the stairs and out into the living room, tripping on her own two feet in her panic. She felt so small and alone and alone was the one thing she didnt want to be for a little while–

And all the spinning in her head stopped when she saw him.

He was sprawled out not all that gracefully on the beat up grey couch, one of his arms hanging off as his legs dangled over the arm. His blonde hair, much lighter than hers was a damp mess of spikes from being outside in the misty rain of before dawn that plastered against his forehead and into his uncovered, shut eyes. On his hand against his chest were his sharp shades, a dim and fading red glow slowly going out on them, a clear indicating Hal was asleep. She watched his chest rise and fall rhythmically and deeply, indicating he was already fast asleep. She figured it was from the past couple all nighters he’d pulled, between work his own projects and his nightly outings. Dia watched him sleep for a few moments then quietly walked over to his side, noting the familiar bags of insomnia under his eyes even in the dim lighting Silently she sighed and walked over to another chair in the room and grabbed a two blankets off it, a soft knitted one Dave left here from someone she was had met two times now named Rose and a thicker fabric quilt thing Dirk’s had since before she arrived, mentioned by Hal to have been a apartment warming present from friends named Jane and Roxy. She carried them over to him and with a wobbly stance and some struggling to not wake him or Hal up draped the quilt over his body, making sure it wasnt awkwardly on him. 

Then Dia wrapped the knitted blanket around herself and plopped down on the floor next to his side, facing him and watched over him for awhile. 

It wasnt anything special or life changing to her at first. She just…her brain was in a dark place and right now, The man before her was a very real and very present and constant reminder of the good in her situation. She was out of that hellscape, she was free.

She was safe and in a better place. Next to him the these early hours of the morning on the living room floor nothing bad from her past could hurt her or reach her. And that was all she needed.

So Dia made herself more comfortable and leaned on the couch in the space next to his chest and side and leaned her head against the quilt covered space until it barely, just barely pressed up against said bodily area as her body curled and folded into a comfortable spot doing so and her tired clementine eyes drowsily watched the movement of his breathing and the distant tick of a far off clock until she didnt even notice herself falling fast asleep at his side, nightmareless for the first time in months.

‘ Dirk…dirk wake up already.’

‘Dirk I know you can still hear me, wake up’

It was irritatingly bright with the morning sun when Dirk finally pried his eyes open, squinting up in pain at the ceiling. God was he fucking regretting passing out on the couch right now. So he quietly unfolded his only small salvation from the light and slid the shades over his orange eyes, blinking the exhaustion from them after with a yawn.

‘ nngh….Hal buddy you on already?’ He got an immediate, if not amused answer that made him practically imagine the body motion and expression that shouldve accompanied it. He couldnt help but smile a little and crack his neck in an attempt to ease the stiffness….god he needed a new damn couch.

‘ Dirk…dirk look down.’ He quirked an eyebrow but didnt even get a chance to ask 

Because he moved his hanging arm and brushed against another solid mass that made him look down anyway.

He didnt dare move for a few moments when he saw Dia curled up beside him on the floor, his hand having brushed against the slim girl’s too bony arm. But didnt wake up, only shifted slightly as her head burrowed into his side a bit, looking more relaxed than he’d ever really seen her. 

‘ When did she…?’

‘ I am not sure. she was already there asleep when I first started up this morning. I can only assume shes been there since we got home.’ He dragged a hand through his hair as he looked over her and carefully moved his arm so he didnt wake her up.

Dirk decided not to sit up or move from the couch yet either. 

‘ She almost looks happy…’

“ Yeah… I know. Too bad she doesnt always look like this…’ There was a silence between them and Dirk sighed through his nose. 

‘…im going to make breakfast.’ Was the only thing Dirk finally said before carefully getting up and heading to the kitchen. ‘ Oh? Thats a first for you…you normally skip breakfast.’ Dirk didnt respond right away, scavenging the simple, cluttered kitchen for anything to cook and scrunching his nose a little when he wasnt really finding anything.

‘ Dirk you KNOW there hasnt been any grocery restocking since you started your latest project…’ He groaned and pressed his forehead against the freezer door and stayed quiet for another moment, gears in his head turning and things lining up in his head. Hal didnt try prodding him too much for an answer. He knew the human too well by now, Dirk was working something out in his head. And on top of that he had barely been awake maybe twenty minutes after a total of maybe four or five hours of sleep, doing three all nighters before that. So Hal wasnt quick to call Dirk all to responsive lately. 

Maybe he should contact Jane after all to get him into a healthier…well…anything.

“ ….I really didnt want to go outside this early…but if the kid will be asleep for awhile…hmm…” 

‘ Hmm what?’ The blonde shook his head a little and rubbing an eye with the palm of his hand as if forcing the drowsiness away. 

“ Hey Hal….mind messaging Dave for me and asking when he’s planning to come back home from Karkat’s this week?” ‘…alright Dirk I am, anything else?’ Hal asked, a bit sympathetic at the exhaustion in his voice. He knew Dirk didnt like to bother Dave with too much, especially when the younger strider stayed with them specifically to make sure Dirk took care of himself. He wanted him to live his own damn life without worrying about him, and so didnt ask him when he was coming back or how long he’d stay.

“…yeah. Ask him if its today and if he could possibly grab some groceries on his way home…” There was a silence but Hal told him he would and Dirk’s shoulders slumped when they got the reply that Dave would show up in about a half hour, and asking for a general list or if he should just wing it. 

Dirk said to just wing it. He wasnt picky right now.

Dia hadnt woken up by the time Dirk pulled on a decently cleaner shirt and his shoes, though she had shifted somewhat. He was a little relieved, she’d been sleeping worse than him recently and any rest was good rest. Yeah…it was was all he concluded as he slipped outside into the bright sunlight and sat on the stoop step that led into the apartment, absently gazing over the city lost in thought. 

“ Yo Dirk.” He glanced down to see Dave coming up the steps in casual clothing, face mostly neutral as he carried up two big bags of food. Dirk saw the slightly furrowed brows and the way his mouth tugged down in concern and heaved a sigh, standing and walking down to take one of the bags.

“ Gotta be quiet when you go in, the kid’s fast asleep in the living room and I kinda want her to stay that way. Where’s Derik?” Dave shrugged as he followed him up.

“ He was video calling Jay when Hal pestered me, so I left him be and came alone.” He got a nod as they walked in, Dave raising an eyebrow seeing Dia on the floor but not voicing the question. 

Dirk probably didnt move her so she’d sleep longer. He knew she had issues with being touched.

Though when they entered the kitchen his eyebrows furrowed again.

“ Dirk when was the last time you cleaned the damn apartment? You’ve got shit lying everywhere again it wasnt like this when I was here last.” The older man shrugged as he shoved junky clutter out of the way and replaced it with the bag of food, not exactly wanting to answer. The knight sighed and resisted any urges to smack the other person he considered family. Because goddamn was it hard to resist when he was falling back into bad habits and going back on months of progress being made.

“ You know what? Dont worry about it Dirk. I’ll help you pick up later or something since I’m here. Lets just get all the food put away and make something to eat, because damn am I starved and Im sure she will be too once she actually wakes up.” Dirk mumbled an agreement and started putting things away and setting stuff up to cook…something, anything. 

“ So…what is with the sudden desire to make breakfast? Hal and I usually have to force you not to skip it.” Dave wasnt really expecting an answer, To be honest neither was Hal at that point. Dirk was clearly in a more antisocial mood and that was fine really, but the silence was making the shorter blonde…twitchy. Maybe he just wasnt used to it anymore, when he considered half the time he stayed with Karkat further out of the city in a house that was distinctly more…energetic with two teenagers running around living with them. He had thought having Dia here might break him out of that but she could be just as bad as he was honestly, a sometimes too perfect match in their isolation habits.

He was thinking about it so much he almost missed Dirk’s reply, turning towards him blinking. 

“ Wait wha–” “ I said I’m not doing it for me…im making food for Dia.” There was a moment of a much more fragile silence and dirk pulled off Hal and set him on the counter, gripping it with both hands as he stared tiredly at the wall and cabinets in front of him, his eyes a bit distant as if he was seeing something else entirely Dave couldnt. He sighed heavily and continued with a low tone that sounded like he was trying to stay neutral, unemotional about it.

“ She doesnt eat enough. Coming from me already is a big deal but, I…Im almost positive she has some sort of eating disorder Dave. One she just wont tell me about. But I see the signs of it all over her. The underweight, the fragility of her whole body, the fatigue, the way she tries to avoid eating as much as possible, the way she hides herself away after meals…but I cant push her either because well fuck. What place do I have to really say anything? I’m not blood related, I’ve only known her about 5 months and ive barely tried to get to know her that much or get close to her but she’s grown on me a little and im worried one of these days her insomnia and her lack of eating are going to do her off right under my nose and there’ll be no one to blame but myself for not looking out for her enough. Like fuck,” His nails scrapped along the counter as his fingers curled in frustration. “ Im a goddamn wreck half the time and she’s almost worse than me and I just…I dont even know. The kid deserves better than that? She probably deserves alot better than staying up at night waiting and worrying when I’m going to get home and falling asleep on the goddamn floor and–maybe…maybe I should’ve had Roxy or Jane take her instead. Or even Jake. Somewhere where’d she’d-she’d get help for her issues, not a place to let them fester.” The air was heavy as he finished, his shoulders slumped in defeat and his head hung as if it had become too much to stay up on its own, eyes screwed close in a frustrated kind of pain. Dave was a little speechless, he knew Dirk felt a little responsible for Dia and part of that mightve been from himself but…He didnt know.

He shouldve known though. 

“ Dirk…Jesus Dirk why didnt you mention any of this sooner? If you’ve been so worried you could just tell me and I’d help you.” He moved closer and put a hand on his shoulder, pushing up his shades and leaning over to try to look the older man in the eyes. 

“ Dirk cmon dont shut me out now after that damn word vomit of you actually opening up. You are not shutting down on me, hell no. You opened your own floodgates and we’re going to swim through what the fuck you released together and work this out because clearly help is needed right now. If it wasnt you wouldnt have asked me to come back out of nowhere, and we wouldnt be having an emotional brotherly moment in the middle of your shitty kitchen at nine in the goddamn morning with the kid you’re clearly worried about dead asleep on your living room floor. So, lets talk ok?” With another tired sigh Dirk nodded as they kept cooking, neither noticing the thin figure slip away upstairs to shower.

After Dave left things were awkward. The two sat at Dirk’s kinda crappy dining table with a non microwaved meal in front of them both poking at it in silence. By the time they both decided they were done the house apartment felt delicate and tense. But regardless Dia holed up in her room for the rest of the evening to prepare for another fitful night and around ten Dirk pulled on his shoes and headed out. 

Dia checked the clocked a couple hours later, noting tiredly that it was only ten past midnight. So she simply rolled over to face the wall and shut her eyes, trying to shut off her brain. It almost worked too…

Click.

Her eyes snapped open and she lifted her head to look towards the door briefly confused, almost assuming she was hearing things. She glanced at the clock again. 12:13 am. She rubbed her eyes and slowly sat up.

“ No way…I heard him leave at ten…and he usually doesnt come back until at least two on thursday…” She listened for a moment to make sure, and sure enough there was the sound of shuffling downstairs, slowly coming up the stairs. When she heard Dirk’s bedroom door open she got up and shuffled over to her own peeking out of her door to see his back. Before she could stop herself she made a noise to announce her presence and Dirk paused, looking back at her. There was a moment where they both stared at each other as she briefly panicked at the fact she started this conversation.

“ y..you’re back pretty early tonight…” She almost visibly cringed at herself as he gave a small shrug.

“ Didnt feel like being out for long tonight…besides, keeps some anxieties down if im not gone too late.” She stood up straighter and looked up at him stunned. He…he came home early…so she wouldnt worry? Her mind flashed to the morning before and something warm filled her chest. She nodded and murmured that she appreciated it and swore she saw a smile on his face before he continued into his room.

“ Hey um…” She saw him pause again and she took a nervous breath. She wasnt used to this, but…

“ I um…im not that picky when it comes to food…but I dont mind spicy foods, as long as its not deathly spicy. I’m also willing to try most things put out for me to eat at least once…so I’ll at least try to eat most meals…” She glanced back up to see him nod, a small smile now clear on his face.

“ Alright kiddo, I’ll keep that in mind. Try to go to bed before sunrise.” She nodded back and slipped back into her room, somehow feeling a little lighter.

The next couple weeks after that were different for them both. At first it was hard to describe, but things were less stiff so to say. They both came out of theyre rooms more for meals together and…just talked. The talks were awkward as hell at first, but the more they did the more she looked forward to meal time, and the less she dreaded eating. Even though she struggled to open up to the older man she could still find things to talk about. At some point she started cooking again, which she hadn’t done since she took care of her little brother, over five months ago. Dia started when she noticed Dirk skipping meals, lost in his work.So…she started making things and leaving them for him with a reminder to eat. And once his portion was gone she ended up eating what was left for herself, the portion being enough to not make her feel too guilty most nights. 

But things were on a better track, Hal pointed out as much one night as Dirk slipped back into the apartment as the clock read 1:00 am. Dirk raised an eyebrow and got a bit of a half smile. “ oh yeah? You really think so huh?” 

‘ Yes I do actually. You havent noticed? She’s opening up to us both more than she has in months.’ Dirk nodded with a hum as he made his way to the stairs, listening to hear if Dia was moving about and noticed it was quiet. Maybe for once she managed to fall asleep. 

‘ You know, you two are alot alike, at least with your issues and and some of your traumas.’ Dirk paused halfway up the stairs and tilted his head as he thought about it, not exactly responding. But Hal continued on.

‘ I think at this point, the best course of action for you both would be for you two to try having a deeper conversation. It would benefit you both greatly to try discussing and sympathizing over your similar issues. At the very least it would help you both open up more, something we both know is very needed in this apartment.’ He…couldnt really argue with that one. 

“ Ya know what? fuck it why not. I’m not going to push her too much but…I’ll give it a shot.” 

And he did. When he saw her at breakfast he motioned for her to listen and took a deep breath through his nose, preparing for the worst. He vividly remembered how she could lash out when she felt cornered or afraid, and that was the last thing he wanted.

So he tried as gently as he could, following some of Hal’s advice and the advice of Rose who he’d talked about this with much earlier in the morning for ideas to approach the subject…delicately. He even vaguely put some of his smaller issues on the table first, made them vulnerable which made Hal rather proud of him for. 

“ Look Dia…I get it ok? I get the not wanting to talk to anyone about it and the need to be strong and unbreakable. But I also know how that can fuck you up even more. It has for me for years…and…I’ve lost trust with close friends because of it. I did things I still dont forgive myself for trying to bottle it up.” She listened and nodded. Then Dia looked down and touched one of her scarred knuckles and took a deep breath. Then she looked up with an expression he hadnt seen before, it was tired and sad and vulnerable. Suddenly she looked like her age, a broken and exhausted 19 year old who’d been suffering on her own for too long, and he watched her shoulders droop as she spoke as if a weight was starting to lift off them.

“ I…I-I have alot wrong with me Dirk…maybe too much to be fixed…so much you may not want to bother with me if you knew everything…I’m…Im beyond screwed up and I cant even eat anymore without trying to loss the nonexistent weight it brings…I…I’ve done too much I dont deserve this I dont…” She trailed off and Dirk reached out and hesitantly, understandingly placed his hand on her wrist, making her look him in the eyes.

“ Why dont we start by just being screwed up together kid? You arent alone in it anymore…and about the eating, we can work on that first and get you started on recovery however you need it. But lets start small and see how we survive it.” She smiled a little and nodded, relaxing.

“ Yeah, ok.” 

A few nights later Dia was tossing and turning again after waking up from another nightmareThis time a light rain drummed on the roof from a small passing storm. She looked at the clock and glared at the two am glaring back at her before sitting up and pulling on her hoodie. Maybe…

She got up and walked over to her door and stepped out, looking at Dirk’s door and expecting him to be out. But what she saw instead was a soft light coming from under the door, signifying he was still home and awake. With a deep breath she walked over and raised her hand to knock, only to pause and stare at the wood. She started doubting her right to interrupt him when their last talk flashed to mind. He had opened up to her a little and she had done the same, they had shared a moment and she felt…closer to him. She didnt feel like a burden as much.

So with more confidence than she had she grabbed the handle and turned it, letting the light wash over her warmly as she gazed at his back, sitting at his desk across the room making something. She only hesitated for a moment before her body relaxed and she smiled a little, taking a step in.

“ H-hey Dirk…I cant sleep…do you mind if I hang in here for awhile?” 

She shut the door behind her when she saw him smile while declaring she can have his bed since he’ll be up awhile longer.

She fell into a peaceful sleep that night, feeling safe and at home.

End

Tadaaaa, this took a long while to write but I hope it was worth the wait! And I hope you guys like it!

taglist

@phantommoonpeople @turing-tested

[burlybanner]

Syzygy

Notes: New story. Will be putting it in installments, probably once/week. This is more or less to keep me honest with writing it. If I don’t, I won’t finish. I know me far too well. It’s a monster, probably close to NaNoWriMo levels if I’m honest. But it’s a nice monster. Note the tags.

Syzygy

Rating: M (themes/language mostly)

Pairing: Stark Spangled Banner

Special note: an AU of Infundo (post-Infundo Chronicles).

Summary:  They’d always been a triad - sun and moon, encircling a heavenly body...

***

The question was so out of the blue, so perplexing, so - fuck no, he must be losing his hearing - insane that Tony dropped the spanner. It bounced and clanged angrily across the lab's cement floor causing one bot - U - to chirp softly and pick it up. U tried returning it to its creator by repeating bumping against his leg, but Tony focused on one thing right now. One person.

"Run that by me again?"

"You heard me." Bruce Banner stared at an oil smudge between their feet. It was twisted in an odd shape, reminiscent of pancake-shaped licorice. "I don't think I need to repeat myself."

"Oh hell, no. No." Tony yanked the spanner from U's grip and tapped his shoulder with it while pacing the floor. "You don't drop a bombshell like that without giving a guy a hint. What brought this on?"

"Honestly?"

"Yeah, honestly."

"It looks comfortably soothing, I’m tired of running, I like who I am...and." He bit down his response, holding it between his teeth, but Tony could see Bruce mentally shifting gears - frustratingly choosing to conceal a portion of truth. A skill Bruce was, unfortunately, still good at doing.

Bruce sighed. "Maybe I'm warming up to full-on pampering from you and Steve. Do I really need to explain myself?"

"All right, fine. I...get it. Sort of." Tony paused mid-pace and gave Bruce the side-eye, but not without sauntering over to his extremely significant other while poking him in his gut (and Tony's finger sunk in a good five inches, before Bruce swatted his hand away).

Like diving into fresh dough, Tony thought wickedly.  

“Stop that.”

"Whatever. I'm just saying, you're what. Three-sixty? Three-seventy?"

"Three-ninety."

Tony tutted his tongue against his teeth, his eyes scanning Bruce from head to toe. He'd overlooked how round and jowly Bruce's cheeks had become and how much more his heavy belly wobbled over his belt like an over-inflated water balloon.

Tony slowly scraped his lower lip with his teeth and let his libido drink in Bruce's delicious form.  His fat had dissolved all his chiseled edges, smoothing them like candle wax, dimpling him in places Tony never expected to notice. Arms, legs, face, chin, chest, neck - even elbows and fingers Pillsburied up into scrumptious fat. Bruce'd blown up like a county fair attraction and Tony couldn't tell where he'd even put on the extra twenty; Bruce’s fat had settled into all his body’s spare nooks and crannies. All that lovely jiggling Jell-o. Waiting for touches, prods, tickles, and gropes—

"Earth to Tony," Bruce muttered, snapping his fingers in Tony's slackened face.

Tony snorted, pretending Bruce hadn't mesmerized him and turned him so the fuck on. Was he becoming more like Cap these days? Wouldn't doubt it. "ANY-hoo," Tony said, grabbing a rolling chair. He took inventory of Bruce more thoroughly by rolling around the scientist, taking a good 360-look while Bruce stared at his circular pattern.

"Are you trying to orbit me?"

Tony laughed. "No. Although that could be an experiment for another day." Tony poked and prodded Bruce’s flab, freely grabbing fistfuls of his favorite butterball and fluffing his ample butt cheeks.

"Tony," Bruce cautioned.

"Sorry. Couldn't resist."

"What are you plotting?"

"Me, plotting? Perish the thought. I'm planning, Banner. I have ideas, I have a million ideas. But we're gonna have to get Cap involved. He'll want to know."

Bruce fidgeted somewhat, which surprised Tony. Didn't seem like something Bruce would be shy about.

"So soon?"

"Well, yah, the sooner the better." Tony narrowed his eyes at him. "What's bugging you, Care Bear?"

"Nothing," Bruce said, but Tony didn't believe him. He let it slide as he rolled back to his desk.

" 'Nothing' for now, babe, but I'll challenge that declaration later." He did a quick calculation in his head and pulled up Jarvis' keyboard. "J, open a new file for me. Call it, 'Operation Supermax.' "

"Seriously?"

"Don't mock the name, Brucie Bear. It's not like I had time to come up with something better."

"New file created," Jarvis intoned, flooding the room with his soothing AI voice. "Would you like to add to it now, sir?"

Tony grinned at Bruce. "Scan Brucie for me, Jarvis. Put all his current vitals in there. Show us what we're working with."

Jarvis threw up a 3D image of Bruce‘s body and stats. “I will say, I'm quite curious, sirs."

"So‘re we, J. Especially interested in what'll happen after we tell Cap."

Bruce looked less enthused at telling Steve, but whatever. Steve was their partner; not telling him would be ridiculous. "Sure you don't wanna say why you're lookin' grim?"

"I'm not grim," Bruce stated, and Tony waggled his finger at Bruce's lie.

"Not my monkeys, not my circus. But you know Steve'll get it out of you if I can't, Pooh."

"I know."

"Easier to rip off the band-aid."

"I said I knew, didn't I?"

"Fine, fine." Tony toggled a few buttons on his keyboard. "J, call Steve down. We're gonna have a family meeting."

**

But Steve relayed a message through Jarvis saying he'd meet up after he'd finished his workout.  Bruce had grabbed five pounds' worth of snacks and wanted to wait for Steve in the media room, but Tony cajoled and wheedled him until he caved. Which was why he ended up joining Tony in the exercise room instead, ogling Steve's lifting routine.  Well, “cajoling and wheedling” wasn’t exactly right, to be fair. Watching Steve work out was a damn privilege.

"I feel like a stalker," Bruce muttered, unwrapping one of his remaining chocolate bars. He wasn't not staring, though.

"He probably knows we're here. He says he doesn't, but I think he does. I'm just obeyin' my thirst."

"Quit watching those dumb commercials." Bruce scarfed down his jumbo Snickers bar with two or three grateful grunts and gulped down his soda. And no, Bruce's Adam's Apple bobbing so deliciously up and down did not mesmerize Tony. Certainly not.

Nope.

"Mmf--and/or, get off social media. Sounds like you’re trying too hard to fit in with the cool kids."

"Heh. You can't tell me Steve doesn't like teasing us right back." Tony pointed his chin at Steve powerlifting weights rivaling Thor's class. "Look at 'im, you can't tell me he's not a thirst trap."

Bruce made a face as he tossed his wrapper and soda can in the trash. "Definitely too much social media."

Tony's eye lingered over Bruce's dwindling dragon hoard of snacks, which teased a lecherous smile from his lips. "You startin' early, or what?"

"Gotta keep up my strength."

"Mhm." Tony went into his head, thinking about how Steve'd go bonkers. In a good way. Probably in a good way. "You know Steve'll have his own ideas. You gonna let him go hog wild?"

"Oh, hardy-har." Bruce tore into a packet of mini donuts. "Yeah, okay, fine," he grunted. A smattering of donut crumbs sprayed from his full mouth before he put a hand to his lips to stop them. "You figured out why I'm apprehensive. Don't rub it in."

"I'm not tryin' to, Brucie. In fact, I think you're blowing this up way out of proportion." And don't think Tony didn't recognize the pun, even if Bruce didn't. He casually watched Bruce scrape crumbs from his shirt. "Don't you think he cares enough that h--"

"Oh, hey, fellas!"

Steve finally noticed them salivating in front of the spy window. Which was what Tony called it. Really, it was a breezeway with a window to the exercise rooms so folks could check for occupied training floors. But Tony mostly used it to indulge his naturally nosy nature.

Steve grabbed a fresh towel and wrapped it around his neck while Tony bit his tongue. Making lewd comments was tempting and although Steve wouldn't have minded, Bruce would get skittish if he ramped up the tension now. And if Bruce bolted, well...kinda made what he was about to do moot.

"What's up?" Steve dabbed sweat from his forehead and plunked next to Bruce on the thirst trap bench. His cheeks reddened when he noticed the mound of opened goodies. "Is it an emergency? Fury call us in?"

"Oh, nothing like that," Tony said. He propped his feet beneath the breezeway window. "Bruce has something he wants to say."

Bruce wiped powdered sugar off his lips while swallowing thickly. "Well, not...exactly."

"Yeah, ya do, exactly," Tony said, nudging Bruce's shoulder. "Boy Scout," he said, calling to Steve. "D'you think you could steel yourself enough to not act like a kid in a candy store?"

"Tony..."

"Bruce, hon', it's all good. Steve," he started again. Poor guy already looked five kinds of confused. "It's something that'll affect the three of us but unless Bruce explains with his big boy words I'm not gonna help him."

"Traitor," Bruce huffed.

"Only way to kick you out of the nest."

"What," Steve said, finally getting a word in edgewise, "the hell. Are you two talking about?"

Bruce shot Tony a narrow look before turning to Steve. "It's...it's not enough," he began slowly. "I-I mean, we're fine," he stuttered, gesturing to each of them. "We're great. But I want. I want more. And I'm not sure how you'll take it."

"Just know," Tony interrupted, "I'm on board 100% if you are. But I'm looking at this from a scientific perspective more than--"

"I thought you said I should tell him."

"Well, you're taking too long, Banner. Cut to the chase!"

Steve held up a hand, motioning both to shut their traps. "Thank you," he said once they quieted. "Now. Bruce. Muffin." He stroked Bruce's chubby cheek and Bruce melted like butter in his hand. "Gimme the specifics. Let me decide if I'll be okay or not with whatever it is."

But Tony could see the small trembling smile on Cap's features; Steve was noticeably scared. He made a face, hoping Bruce hurried it up before causing irreparable damage.

"I want," Bruce sighed heavily. His glance went back and forth at the men in his life, then to his hands. "I'm not exactly happy at my current weight."

Steve's lips thinned. He looked like someone had taken his favorite toy away, but the expression fled before Bruce caught it.

Tony noticed, though.

"So you want to lose weight," Steve sighed. He kept his voice level but Tony detected his disappointment. "Well, I understand. It's not like we expected it forever and--"

"No," Bruce interrupted, quieter than before. He wrapped his hand around Steve's, stilling the man's jitters. "You've misunderstood. It's...ah. It's the opposite."

Steve's cheeks flared while Tony choked back laughter from Steve's startled expression.

"W-what? You wanna gain more?"

Bruce slowly nodded. "I know you've always been encouraging, and you seemed satisfied when I tapered off. But I really like it when you and Tony feed me." Bruce reached for Tony's hand and rubbed his thumb across their knuckles. "I like breakfasts in bed, lazy nights watching B movies, and eating crappy takeout. I like feeling overstuffed, and the headiness the feeling brings me. I think I've gotten as large as I can on my own. So I'll need help from you and Tony to get...um. Larger."

Steve visibly gulped. "Um. H...how much larger are we talkin'--?"

Bruce glanced Tony's way, and Tony encouraged him with a nod. "Um. To a point where I can  stay sedentary. I'm happy at home - I'm happy here. With us. I don't want to run anymore, and I want to feel grounded. Literally. So--"

"He wants to become immobile," Tony explained, butting in again. "Which is no mean feat, with his metabolism. Even with Bed, even with all the snacking and meals he gets, he's probably leveled off. But if we're talkin' immobility, we're probably addin' another three hundred to him, more or less."

Cap let out a shaky sigh. "Whoa..."

Tony shrugged. "Again, more or less. Depends on what 'immobile' means to a guy like Bruce. 'Course you know," Tony said, sobering. "He's wouldn't be totally immobile, not really." His dark eyes roamed Bruce, emphasizing the seriousness of his next words. "The only way that would happen is if we separated him from the Hulk."

"Which I'm not asking for," Bruce quickly piped. "That's not my goal."

"Good. 'Cause that's more than my paygrade. What'dya think, Spangles?" Tony turned to Steve. "You in, or what?"

"I...I'm not even sure." His expression remained pensive before hovering between Tony and Bruce. "I think I want to understand what that means before I agree to it. It'll change our 'rules,' our dynamics, the team--"

"Absolutely," Bruce agreed. "But I guess...I'd like to retire, if that's okay. From the team. I've already spoken with the university--"

"What?"

"You have?"

Bruce motioned for his boyfriends to calm down.  "I'm not giving up teaching, I'm just switching to an online format. I'll still be an adjunct but I won't teach in person or in front of a classroom. And besides..." He sighed, but a small smile teased his lips. "I won't be mobile enough for a classroom. At least that's what I'm hoping."

Tony shared a look with Steve who looked both mesmerized and stunned. But then Tony noticed something else a sly, (dare he say it), evil mastermind grin on Steve's face rivaling their greatest enemies.

"Steve. Your bad boy expression is showing," Tony muttered.

"I know, I know," Steve breathed. "But I kinda I wanna know how soon we can start."

Part two: https://burlybanner.tumblr.com/post/185854349769/syzygy-2

[bookcrook]

Absolutely Smitten

Dang. I really suck at keeping my word, don’t I? Whelp, for those who care, it’s here now! This is the first of I don’t know how many parts of “Six Foot Seven”, a new series/book thing I’ve been working on lately, requested by @i-cant-reach-im-too-short! The entirety of the series will be based on her real-life love story, as well as a playlist she gave me. First song was Absolutely Smitten by Dodie Clark. Hope you all enjoy! :)

“Teddy, come eat!” I call out from the kitchen, rattling his food around the large metal bowl. I wait a few minutes before yelling out his name again. “Teddy! Teddy Bear! C’mon! I have to leave soon and you need to eat.” Still no response.

And so begins my daily game of “Find the Giant Dog Hiding in my Tiny Apartment and Hope He Didn’t Run Off and Start the Zombie Apocalypse Without Me”. Such a great way to start my day…

I search behind couches and loveseats, inside closets and my bathroom only to find absolutely nothing. “Where, oh where has my Teddy gone, oh where, oh where could he be,” I sing softly under my breath, “In the closet he’s not, with me he’s… Also not, oh where, oh where could he be.” I continue with my non-rhyming song, raising my volume a little as I get closer and closer to my bedroom, the only other place he could be hiding. 

When I finally reach the doorway, I hear a playful bark come out from beneath my bed. I lower myself down to my knees, pull up the flashlight on my phone, and put my right cheek against the carpet. And, sure enough, I’m staring into the eyes of my slightly-obnoxious-but-still-very-lovable German Shepard. Who also just so happens to be stuck underneath the bed I just got. 

How he got there is beyond me and getting him out is going to be a serious victory on my end. As in, the kind of victory that deserves a pint and a half of double chocolate chip ice cream and a box of Cheez-Its after work. I try coaxing him out, seeing if he can squeeze himself just enough to remove himself from the tight spot. I bribe him with treats and squeaky toys, but he doesn’t move a muscle. So, I move on to what I knew was, ultimately, inevitable and would no doubt break all of my limbs off of my body.

Have you ever seen a 5’2 Asian girl trying to lift up a Queen size metal bed frame (with the mattress on top of it because she had just woken up half an hour ago and was still extremely tired, so she wasn’t smart enough to take it off) at least a foot off the ground completely and utterly by herself? I haven’t, but God damn it must be hilarious to look at. Actually doing it, though? Terrible. Absolutely horrid. The worst thing I’ve ever done in my 22 years of living. I mean, seriously. What is this thing made out of? Steel with a brick-filled mattress? Ridiculousness, I tell you!

Twenty minutes later, Teddy is roaming free around our brand new home while I’m lying on my bedroom floor exhausted and trying to find a will to live, which immediately comes with an alarm going off on my phone. Who would’ve thought I’d be so ecstatic to leave the comfort of my apartment for an entire day of work behind a desk only running on four hours of sleep. I force myself up and attempt to wipe as much dog hair off of my once clean clothes, abandoning hope soon after---there’s just no escaping it.

Collecting my things, I make my way toward the door, glancing quickly at the clock on my stove. Right on time, I think to myself. Waiting for the elevator was maddening. Come on... 

I mash the button impatiently, muttering curse words under my breath in frustration. I do the same when the doors finally slide open, revealing a small family of three with a tiny puppy on a leash. The slow background music only fueled my anxiety. 

Before the doors are even wide enough to accommodate an entire person, I slip through the tiny gap and race outside. I flatten my hair and my eyes immediately dart to the left, finding exactly what---or, more specifically, who---I was looking for walking toward me.

“Holy shit,” I murmur softly. How is it possible for one person to look so amazing just walking down the street? I soon realize I’m staring like a literal stalker, so before I’m caught, I turn and start walking swiftly in the same direction he’s going.

“Megan!” I hear a familiar, deep voice call from behind me, “Wait up!”

“Not a chance! I’d say you’ve got long enough legs to catch up to me,” I respond, an air of fake confidence in my voice. I slow down only slightly, despite my original statement, and, sure enough, Owen manages to reach me in a few long strides. 

“You’re difficult, you know that?” he laughs softly. I pray that no one saw my insides turn into literal jelly. What am I even supposed to do? My legs keep moving, but my mind is such a jumbled mush that it can’t comprehend anything around me. Which shouldn’t be happening. I’m a strong, independent woman---I don’t need him telling me if I’m pretty or not. I don’t.

So, as we walk, I begin concentrating on not concentrating on him. I quickly find that doing so is no use to me and caused me to not hear a single word Owen just spoke.

“You still there, shorty?” he teases, poking the top of my head.

“Hmm? Oh, yeah! Sorry. Just a little out of it, I guess.” Which was true, to be fair---I just decided it would be better to give him only half of the truth, for my heart’s sake. “What’d you say?”

Owen’s shoulder bumps into mine slightly, “I asked if you were eating in the office today. Thought I’d join you, but it looks as though you’re empty-handed.”

I stop in my tracks as he finishes speaking. “Idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot,” I whisper to myself, hoping he doesn’t hear me. Because my luck is shit today, he does, and he seems to believe I was talking to him. 

“Excuse me?” Owen laughs nervously, surprised by my comment.

“No!” I exclaim a little too loudly, “Not you! I was talking to myself. Didn’t realize it until you mentioned it, but I forgot my food at home; it’s been a crazy morning, so I didn’t really think about grabbing to before I left.”

“What happened?”

“Oh, nothing important, really. Just stuff with my dog…” I wanted to add ‘and you’, but it seems a bit… Forward. Creepy. Stalker-ish. Take your pick. “Made some grilled chicken, noodles, and asparagus last night, too. Looks like it’s the vending machine for me today! Yay.”

“I mean, you don’t have to…” Owen looks away slightly as his sentence trails off.

I let out a bitter laugh. “Unless you’re suggesting that I turn back and risk being late just for a bag of mediocre food, I’m afraid I do.”

“Fair point, but no. ‘Tis not what I mean by that, miss,” he taunts, putting on one of the worst fake British accents I’ve ever heard. It’s something he does often. Why? No clue---not even an inkling of an idea, but it makes my heart melt every time.

“Then what do you have in mind?”

“We could always go out to lunch. There’s this cafe-diner-thing a block or two down from the office that serve the best grilled cheese known to man. If you haven’t tried don’t think I won’t drag you there myself,” Owen laughs. I can feel my eyes light up at the prospect of that. “It can be a group thing or something.”

My shoulders deflate just a tiny bit. I knew it wasn’t going to be a date---I’m not that stupid, but I hoped it could at least be just the two of us. It’s okay, I think to myself, taking in a deep breath, It doesn’t matter. We’re just friends. I force a smile before agreeing. “Oh, yeah. Totally! Sounds great. I can see if Laura and Chelsea want to come.”

We’d finally reached our destination when the conversation began and are now parting ways as it ends. “Awesome! See you then?”

“Definitely,” I say softly. Despite my disappointment, I’m able to produce a small---but very genuine---smile.

I’m practically floating as I make my way to my tiny desk and collapse onto my rolling chair. Slumped completely down (in a way that is terrible for my back), I let out a startled screech as a voice, seemingly coming from nowhere, scares me senseless.

“You’re late,” Chelsea teases in a sing-song tone from above me.

“...No I’m not.” I point at the large clock across the room.

“How…” she stumbles over words, “How do you know I didn’t come in early and change the time on all of the clocks because... Pranks?”

“Chels, you’re still wearing your coat.”

“It’s cold.”

“How about the fact that, one, your coffee is still steaming and you refuse to drink the tar that they have here. Two, you don’t wake up any earlier than you absolutely have to because you’re the definition of a night owl. Or, and I’d say this is my most convincing argument, three, you just don’t care enough to do that.” I sit up as I rest my case and begin pulling out my things for the day.

“You’re no fun,” Chelsea pouts, lowering herself behind the cork board wall that separates us.

Ignoring her very hurtful words, I continue the conversation as though nothing happened, “Has Laura come in yet?”

She scoots her chair over to your side as she answers, “I don’t think so. Or if she has I haven’t seen her. Why?”

I let out a groan and drop my head onto my desk, smashing the keys on my laptop. “Great. I needed her to help me make some copies because I have to meet with some clients later today and I have no clue how to work that… Thing.”

Chelsea opens her mouth, prepared to offer help, but I cut her off before she can, “Don’t. I love you, but she’s the only one who can tame the beast. I swear that if anyone looked at it the wrong way it would set the entire building on fire. Especially if it were either of us.”

“That’s fair,” she relinquishes. Suddenly, a tornado in human form tears through the office dropping a pile of things on Laura’s desk and races into a conference room, all in a matter of .04357 milliseconds.

“She’s here,” I chuckle slightly.

Twenty minutes later, Laura races back into the room and all but sprints to her desk. Thinking she might actually be done in there, I try to ask for her help. And, before I’m ever able to finish saying her name, she explains, “Can’t talk right now. Still doing the presentation; just forget some papers.”

Not long after that, Laura is finally free and snatches my papers from my desk, taking them to that dreaded machine and returning with 15 more than I need.

“Sorry about the extras,” she sighs as she drops them in my lap, “There was an error with the copier, but at least you have those if you need them.”

“Thank you!” I exclaim in a hushed voice, “You are a life saver, I swear!”

“Are you just now figuring that out?” Laura laughs.

I stick my tongue out at her before continuing my work.

I later feel a light tap on my shoulder. Turning around, I find Owen standing there, a large stack of papers in his hand. “Hey, what’s up?”

“I was just on my way to steal Anthony’s copier, but I thought I’d let you know that James, Benny, and the others can’t make it to lunch. Any luck with you?”

Before I can even consider speaking, Laura immediately turned the focus of the conversation to Anthony. “Wait. Wait just a second. Anthony’s been hiding a perfectly working copier from us?!”

“Guess so.” Owen gives a small shrug.

“What the hell!” she exclaims angrily.

To avoid the situation from escalating, I direct us back to our original topic. “I completely forgot to ask about lunch. Umm… Chels, Laura, either of you doing anything for lunch? I forgot my food this morning, so we thought it’d be a fun idea to get a little group together to go out.” My friends share a conspiratorial look when I’m finished. 

Chelsea’s the first to respond. “I really wish I could, but,” she pauses, “I have to run home and feed Pepper. Planned on just stopping by McDonald’s or something on my way back.”

“Neither can I,” Laura sighs with an ingenuine sadness in her voice, “Thomas wanted to take me out at that new sushi place across town. Sorry. Hope you guys have fun.”

A smile twitching on his lips, Owen turns back to me. “Just the two of us, then.”

“Yep,” I mumble quietly, my face growing warmer by the second.

“See you in a bit?” 

“Yep,” I repeat myself. His smile was now a grin as he left. Once he’s gone, I snap my eyes back to the two girls, glaring.

“What the fuck was that about?! First of all, you,” I point at Chelsea’s floating head, “Don’t a cat. Or a dog. Or any kind of pet! As for you, Laura. Don’t think I don’t know that Thomas won’t be home for another week. That’s all you’ve been talking about since he left!”

“It’s a week and three days,” she corrects me.

“Exactly my point!”

“Sorry, but we had to!” Chelsea cuts in, “You’ve had one of Cupid’s little arrows stuck in your ass since you started working here two years ago!”

“Not to mention the fact that this is probably the happiest we’ve seen you since your sister made you move out all because what’s-his-name told her to,” Laura adds.

I sigh, sinking into my chair for the second time today. “I know you guys are just trying to be nice. And, you’re right; I have been. He just makes me feel all kinds of weird inside. It’s like I can’t control anything when I’m around him, but that doesn’t mean I need your help with him.”

Laura scoffs and Chelsea rolls her eyes at my obvious lie. “Okay. Fine, I do. But don’t do it so obviously next time!”

My personal matchmakers lower themselves back down and I spin back to my computer. Just another hour to go…

                                                   🔹🔹🔹🔹

Lunch seemed to fly by quickly. As we waited on our food, conversations were had about simple, silly things like our favorite color, or how we drink our coffee. Others were about how work had been going and what movies we’d watched recently.

“Okay...” he pondered as he took a sip of his sweet tea, “What’s your favorite scary movie?” Shocked by the question, I couldn’t come up with an answer, so I gave him the most definite one that I could. Kind of. 

“Probably anything but the Chuckie movies,” I laughed.

The moment that sentence left my mouth, he immediately corrected me. “It’s Child’s Play, you know?”

“What?”

“The movies.”

“Whatever it’s called, it scarred me for life, and I want absolutely nothing to do with it.” I crossed my arms and shuddered at the thought of even possibly watching it again. I knew it was a terrible movie, but that didn’t change anything.

The stroll back was uneventful, but peaceful. And, now, as we wait out the last couple minutes before we had to return to our respective desks, Owen and I have found ourselves walking slowly back to mine, trying to make our time together stretch as long as possible. 

Suddenly, Owen grabs my arm gently, pulling me to a stop just a few feet short of my destination, and leans in. My breaths shorten and my body goes frigid as he does so.

His lips brush against my ear as he says softly, “Please don’t think I’m weird for doing this, but Laura and Chelsea have been eavesdropping since we were within listening distance. Anyway, I was wondering if you’d maybe like to go out to dinner tonight? Or this weekend? Or just, at any point in time that would conveniently work for you?”

I let out a chuckle---no, a giggle---at his awkwardness, but then I’m immediately hit by butterflies flooding my stomach as I take in his words. Once I finally come to my senses, my head is frantically bobbing up in down in complete and utter agreement. 

After we shared out little… Moment, I make my way to my desk. At this point, I’m not even trying to hide the giant grin on my face. Or my blushing cheeks. Or the fact that my heart is thudding in my chest with pure excitement and joy.

Chelsea and Laura don’t bother pretending that they didn’t see what just happened, and they were sure to let me know about that. 

“Did you see the way he was looking at you?” Laura gushes, “And that smile?! What’d he say?”

“What are you even talking about? It was nothing,” I roll my eyes at the rambunctious, gossip-hungry pair, but tell them anyway. “He just asked if I wanted to go out for dinner sometime.”

“Nothing?” Chelsea practically yells, “Are you kidding? There’s no way he doesn’t like you!”

I roll my eyes yet again, knowing not to get my hopes up, but I can’t help but wonder. I’d like to believe I’m not completely clueless; it’s obvious he just asked me on a date, but will it actually go anywhere? 

The days that followed were spent trying to coordinate Owen and I’s schedules on the way to work, and deciding where we could go. We also found ourselves around each other outside of work more than usual as we waited for the day to come.

One more week… That’s all I’ve gotta do; make it one more week and I’ll know for sure if this will work out.

[flamewyrmz]

a late night rant from twitter im putting in one place, because its a trainwreck of several threads there. mostly copy/paste and still not proofread, but a collection of thoughts on gender, sexuality, personal identity, and love and support within the lgbtq community. i do really lay myself bare here so id like to ask that if you disagree or have criticism you do so respectfully and with that in mind, thank you <3 and if this means something to you itd mean the world to me if you shared it

dunno if ive said this here before but like. if you think you might be bi/pan but youre on the fence cos maybe youve never had a crush on a nonfictional guy or get more crushes on guys than on girls and you find yourself tied up in knots like "well im gay but im also attracted to nonbinary people unless theyre mostly woman-aligned but i dont wanna say im bi/pan because then people will think i like girls and like i like them theoretically but--" let go. just say fuck it! im bi/pan! 

try it out and if it doesnt feel right it doesnt feel right and thats fine and in the end no matter what youll have learned a little about yourself. this is actually my advice on any gender/sexuality dilemmas you might be having. go wild. try it out. see how it feels. dont feel like you have to confine yourself to something just because youve stuck with it for some amount of time. 

if youre questioning dive right into the deep end! no matter how it goes youll be a better swimmer in the end. its all not quite rigid and a little fluid anyways (for some more than others obv) so if youre unsure, man... go for it. its ok to backpedal

--

this is important advice to me because ive struggled with it multiple times in the past and this has only recently clicked and i really wish it had sooner. first it was with being... not straight in general. like i was actively dating someone of the same gender and i never considered that that meant, uh, im not straight. always "do you like boys or girl?" "uhhhhhhhhh. uh. UH" 

then with being in the range of aro/ace spect. then with being nonbinary! then with being nb but primarily male. and then goddammit im just a boy. accepting that God I Love Men And Only Men (and with it that i *wasnt* aro or ace in ANY capacity) and then, very recently (like up until a couple months ago. like im p sure this year. not 2017), going back on that and admitting i was bi. it is so so freeing to just say "fuck it" and test those waters!

hell, you find something you resonate with but looks a little silly? go for it! use those bun/buns/bunself pronouns. go with stargender! ace-flux demibiromantic? hell yeah rock that shit! it can always change and you can always decide its not right and go back! h4y dudes

--

all of that especially goes for teens who dont know what the fuck theyre doing. im only 20 yea and barely 20 at that but man i wish id heard this sooner

and please dont take that as me saying "well if youre a lesbian sexuality is fluid and maybe youre actually bi"! hell no. if youre a lesbian and you KNOW youre and lesbian and couldnt ever be anything else then rock on you funky little lesbian! but if you id as a lesbian but are teetering on something like "well im attracted to some fictional and theoretical men but not any real ones and maybe its just compulsory heterosexuality but im not sure and--" dont be afraid to try a different label. its all what feels right to you and theres absolutely no harm

--

people bash on like. """mogai genders""" and nounself pronouns and the split attraction model and all that and like. yeah! those things can hurt people! personally i struggled with the split attraction bit combined with how broadly people define the ace spectrum. it can be used to hurt. and it is used to hurt. sometimes its deliberate, sometimes its not. but the hurt is there. but its not inherently good or bad. 

and yeah, some of it sounds silly. hell, it sounds silly to me sometimes! but to some people hearing that label makes everything click into place, even if just for a little bit, and i take that very seriously. it is one of the best feelings in the world and i want as many lgbtq people (of any age) to experience it. 

for some people it feels right to zoom waaaaaaay in and section it into lots of little bits and for others its "fuck it! i dont know shit! im just queer!" and those are both equally valid (that words been thru 12 garbage disposals but i cant think of a better one) maybe you go back n forth and thats fine too! as long as youre open to it changing or being wrong it cant hurt and, like i said, its one of the best possible feelings to have it click like that

--

as an aside: being bi can *totally* mean "im attracted to men and nonbinary people are long are they arent primarily woman-aligned" or it can mean "im attracted to everyone fuck it" personally? i use bi over pan because i feel like it better encapsulates that i *do* have preferences (i say this all the time but God I Love Men) but ultimately gender doesnt really matter to me cos everyones cute and hot and generally attractive and im not leaving anyone out because im just a little more inclined to kissing boys. but thats me!

--

as Another aside: i do still to some degree identify with uhh this is gonna sound contradictory but agender boy? or more like boy agender? boygender with left none? i just dont personally feel like its worth taking the time to explain over n over. but it used to be, for me, n i dont regret that a single bit! i wouldnt regret that even if i *didnt* still feel that way in any capacity. honestly? 

i dont regret any of the ways ive identified in the past even though feeling stuck and cornered into some got a little harmful to me (and if youve gone through somethin similar and DO regret it and wish youd never heard whatever term you used thats good too. im very strongly advocating for "use whatever labels you want and if it dont fit it dont fit" here but if they did hurt you and youre still hurting about it i understand 100% just dont use it to pull others down. if it concerns you say your piece and let them decide)

--

this is personally a little hard to admit so bear with me here 

honestly? ANY sort of strong identity didnt start developing in me until i was.... 14 or so? and very slowly at that. like gender evened out around 18 and sexuality just a few months ago LMAO. but up until i was a teenager i didnt really feel much of anything re: gender or attraction (and the attraction thing is pretty normal for kids and even teens tbqh!) 

and i just.... didnt really think about it! i had This Name and apparently was a girl and i didnt really get what it was like to BE a girl but thats what people said and i didnt know there were other options so i went with it! the name didnt bother me either (except for when people made jokes about a Certain Historical Figure with the same one. just thinking about that i get tired) 

and when it came time to actually grapple with the whole concept of being *into* people i just kinda... slunk away! no joke until like 10th grade if someone started a rumor that i was dating x or y had a crush on me i would start to avoid them entirely. lost a friend in 4th grade that way but then in hs hed turned into a TOTAL DICK so no loss there. i think part of that was also people making the assumption that i was straight though? big shrug! 

i didnt even realize attraction was a thing i had until i got asked out and just kind of "oh wow??? that sounds so nice??? i feel the same??? yes??" and thats WHY i went thru varying aro/ace labels. cos it unfolded slowly (which again is totally normal if youre a teenager, so dont worry about it if youre going thru that. roll with the punches. and if youre a teen and youve got it figured out? thats totally normal too!) 

and the gender thing was similar once i learned that it was an actual possibility (especially being nb, and ESPECIALLY especially being agender) i slowly just... poked at it until i figured something out (fun fact: what set me off to finally go "fuck it im not a girl at all" was being stuck in an awful hair salon chair while my mom got a haircut that took FOREVERRRRRRRRR and i was having godawful period cramps. like i knew not being a girl wouldnt DO anything about them but i made that decision then n there n didnt look back!) 

and then i kept pokin at it and watching it like the seed id planted finally started to sprout and i realized i didnt actually know what kind of seed it WAS. i guess ive always been very nebulous in those aspects and its just now forming into something solid. like i said, its a little hard to admit and i... dont think ive actually talked about this in this depth before to, like, anyone? 

because the "oh ive always known" narrative is the only one you ever see in popular media and sometimes even from the community itself! and theres nothing wrong with having always known! but theres also nothing wrong with being like me! but i still feel a little anxious talking about it like it somehow means im a sham. 

hell, id even go so far as to say i WAS a girl as a kid! i WAS varying shades of agender and nonbinary and ???? as a teen, and i AM, like, 95% a guy right now! maybe in a few years ill be something else. none of those things contradict each other. things like that can change! its not set in stone (but like i said: for some people it is! or, like, set in slime that you left out for 5 years so now its pretty much a rock but if you really try it still squishes into something else?? none of these things invalidate the others! were all unique). 

i wouldnt say that at any point ive been cis or straight, cos even when i just went with being a girl and stuff it was always a little ??? but, yknow. even if i HAD been those things at some point it wouldnt matter to me? things just are the way they are and were the way they were

--

im making myself really vulnerable here and my thought process is a mess and i ramble and repeat myself and my memory and attention span is like 2 seconds and i dont proofread but. its important i think. i dont have a lot of followers and fewer still thatre active but... that really doesnt matter. 

maybe someone will retweet at least one of these messy, messy threads. maybe link it to a friend. maybe screenshot it and post it on tumblr [note: LMAO YEAH AND ITS YOU DUMBASS], or to keep for themself. if any of my words help anyone out even a little then it matters and honestly? then its the most important thing in the whole danged world. if even one person sees any of the things ive said tonight and it means *anything* to them, even if just "oh, im not alone in this" then ive succeeded here. 

i dont want any of us to ever feel trapped or alone because shit! lifes too fuckin short for that! its goddamn hard being anything but cisgender and straight! sometimes it sucks! like really sucks! there have been so many times ive broken down completely over being trans and felt like, for myself, its the most awful thing in the world. its why prides so important. its why community is so important. 

because even when the pressure of the world brings you down so low you think youll never escape theres something or someone there to take your hand and pull you back up, put you on your feet, and say "i know its hard. and itll get hard again. but i believe in you, and youre strong enough for this, and im here with you through every step". that goes for anyone but especially goes for us. and im not just talking about lgbtq youth here. all of us. which is *why* im laying myself completely bare here. 

most of this stuff? ive either never talked about or only vaguely mentioned. but im putting it out there. because there was a point where i needed it but didnt have it, and even if its just one person, i want to give someone this advice so at least they dont have to deal with the same stuff i did. and if youre reading this? i love you. im here for you. im my dms are always open and if for some reason they arent its almost definitely an accident and if you say something ill reopen them. 

and if youre someone who hates me? maybe even mutually? if it came down to it id let you come to me at your lowest moment, no questions asked, no judgement held, and at the end of it still be the same kind of enemies we were before and never speak again. there are some exceptions of course but honestly ill forgive a lot for someone who needs that kind of support. and if youre one of the people this applies to, i know youll probably never take me up on it. i dont expect you to. i dont expect you to even for a second be comfortable with that idea. thats fine. but if for some reason you ever need it, its there. 

i can count on one hand the ex friends that i wouldnt give that to and thats ONLY because theyve legitimately hurt me and left lasting damage (and for some of them? its mutual. and im sorry for that, regardless of how i feel about your treatment of me im truly sorry for my actions. that probably sounds fake and anyway i digress) 

and if youre a complete stranger? someone who follows me but has never interacted with anything ive posted? a mutual i havent spoken to yet? im here. and im bumbling, and awkward, and not the best at comfort but you can always come to me if you need someone. im only one man and im under a lot of stress but i swear ill do the best i can, even if its only reading and replying 3 days later and even then just listening and offer whatever gentle comfort or reassurance youll accept. 

because thats important to me. thats the impact i want to leave on this world. i dont ever want anyone to feel as small, as scared, as worthless, as alone as i have. im no fighter. im not going to lead any revolutions and hell im too anxious to even go to protests but im here for support. im here to help and heal. and thats important too

--

and if you listened to that? thank you. if you just skimmed? thank you for that too. if you shared it with someone? thank you (so much). and if you dont? thank you anyways, just for the time

just know this: i love you. i dont care who you are, if youre reading this i love you and im behind you 100%. im here if you need it. stay strong, do something that makes you smile if only for a moment. take that leap of faith. dont restrict yourself for even a second

i meant to go to bed at least two hours ago so goodnight <3 be safe, drink some water, if you have any kind of pet give it some love. take care of yourself. youre the most important person in your own world and never forget that, even if you dont think you are. even if theres something or someone you treasure above everything else. dont diminish your own worth! you are alive, and you are here, and theres nothing more important than that, really. the things you love matter more than anything else. hold them close

[legion1993]

I’m Just An Ordinary Girl, You Deserve Much Better Than Me

Prompt: “If you really loved me, there wouldn’t be a choice.”

Pairing: Gabriel x Reader

A/N: thank you all so much for everything you have done to give me love for my fics. Now we have entered week 6 in SPN HWC brought to us by our very own @thing-you-do-with-that-thing. This one is gonna be a little different as always I would appreciate the feedback and love for this. I hope no one thinks this too forward for me to do this… this coincides with the following seasons and episodes: 2.15 3.11 5.08 5.19 im sorry if ive totally ruined some of these episodes for people i just needed certain points for my story. again sorry for the grammer and spelling errors. I hope this makes someone feel like there is hope.

Summary: you’re life as the sister of Dean and Sam Winchester is a tough one, your legacy as a Winchester is one that you are struggling to uphold, but what happens when your life takes a turn for the worst as you discover that your soulmate is not what you expect… will your brothers approve or will they call you out on it and disown your legacy as a Winchester???

Part 2

~This is how you and your brothers but most importantly you met Gabriel or as he is known the trickster.~

It was a dark and stormy night there was a loud crash of lightning as you dove out of the way of the pack of werewolves coming right for you and your big brother, Dean but you didn’t know at the time you had a bigger destiny.

Dean had taught you about hunting after dad died it was a nightmare Dean and Sam had raised you in the life and you knew right away that your destiny was set in place, that you would have a large legacy to uphold.

The life wasn’t easy people came in and left it but one thing stayed constant which was your over bearing over protective brothers. Although very handsome they could sometimes let life grab hold of them and throw them around.

One day you all were sitting at Bobbys you knew you all had a home there you often liked to take Rumsfeld out for runs early in the morning and you enjoyed it. You were out running with the police reports going in your ears when you caught wind of a case, you hit record on the clipping of this one and decided you would bring it up to your brothers when you got back.

Rumsfeld this particular morning while you were on your route back to the house stopped randomly and started barking at the forest thinking he smelled something you took out your earbuds and started to let Rumsfeld lead, he led you to the side of the river where you found a man bathing you stopped behind the tree pulling Rumsfeld close.

You peaked round again and didn’t see him till you turned to start walking again and bumped into him, you were about to scream when he chuckled, “hey hey hey woah whats a beauty like you doing out here and with such a handsome dog too…”

You didn’t answer right away for fear that he might be dangerous but then you said, “just walking the dog I live at the house up the road umm im Y/N.. and you are???” you asked now very curious about who he was as he smiled and said, “im a friend… but you know what I think you should be getting home before your dog decides to fall asleep out here…”

He said as he ushered your gaze to Rumsfeld who was getting cozy on the ground, but when you looked back up the mysterious man was gone. You took Rumsfeld back to the road and kept your earbuds out for the time being, till you were close to the house then you stuck them back in and danced the rest of the way…

You unhooked Rumsfeld once through the door and went to the fridge and searched for a nice cold soda that you had put in there and you chugged like half of it before going to the study and seeing bobby, “morning Rumsfeld and I had an amazing walk/run this morning it was so nice we even went down by the creek it was so peaceful…”

Bobby just smiled at you and said, “you know I think Rumsfeld just likes having someone who will take him for those long walks… so anything exciting on the police radar this morning…”

You nodded and said, “are they up yet?” bobby shoke his head and you crept upstairs after removing anything from your body that could possibly make any noise you snuck into their shared room and onto dean’s bed you jumped alerting a tired groan from your older brother, “Y/N how was your run you crazy girl…”

You grunted in response as you flopped down on your brother using him as a pillow but then Sam woke up and said, “so Y/N I gather you found a case otherwise you wouldn’t be waking the lion?” you nodded jumping lightly on dean as you said, “its in Springfield Ohio I have the police scanner recording downstairs… it sounds like our kind of thing, it’s a weird one someone is causing people to die but like in the way of some folklores/fairytales… it sounds like one that I would love to check out and I know that you guys are over protective and will insist on coming with me… so come on up up up lets go I’ll go make bacon…”

Dean tried to get up but instead flipped over with you on him and tried to pin you but you hand jumped off and pinned Sam instead, you 3 did that for a while till it was a 3-way sibling pile on the floor. Sam got up first then helped you and then you helped dean pinning in once to the bed, “I win…”

You rubbed in his face as you skipped out of the room, Dean shoved Sam onto his bed as he pushed passed to the shower… you were cooking the bacon already by the time both your brothers had joined you downstairs.

You had already loaded the car with the usual duffles for the 3 of you and you prepared for pretty much everything. You didn’t know what you would encounter but you were styling right then a pair of short shorts and a black halter top, you knew your brothers didn’t care how you dressed just as long as you didn’t completely grunge down down to your spanks they didn’t care.

You felt eyes on you from the moment you all left bobbys and neither of your brothers felt them either. You were still new to the Winchester clan you were still getting used to having brothers and so far you loved it. But you had yet to tell them about your strange mark that had appeared on your hip. You had been avoiding swimming and everything like that for a reason.

You knew that they would question you on it. You knew that they would try and help you find him so you kept quiet. A few hours of driving later and you found yourself walking into a motel room with your brothers they once again left it to you on whose bed you took for the night. And they didn’t care, you always said that you would decide later.

Once more it was time to act, you took the role of going to the morgue while your brothers decided to check out the school.. they grumbled as you exited the bathroom wearing your fed suit and they continued to grumble as they drove you to rent your motorcycle for the remainder of the time you were there and this was one time where you were grateful that you were the only one out of the 3 of you with some classic style and spunk.

You got on the slick black Harley and sped off your brothers followd for a bit till they turned off at the school and you arrived at the police station right after that. You walked inside and said, “special agent Y/SAL/N im here to examine the bodies found during the recent string of weird murders.”

The sheriff turned to you upon hearing this and he came over to you, “ill take you to the bodies… but I hope you haven’t eaten anything today cause they are messed up… and I mean they are like boarder line dumb and crazy.”

He said as you both entered the morgue and he flipped off the blankets covering the bodies and you coughed covering your mouth, “are those claw marks? And bite marks?” now you were very very confused.

“the official ruling of death is a rabid wolf or a bear or something like that but otherwise im not too sure what to tell everyone and like I said weird murders.” The sheriff said with a sigh to his voice as you insisted on conducting a quick analysis of your own before leaving and he politely excused himself after showing you were the protective gear was.

You put on the protective garments and made your way to the first body looking at it and then you proceeded to poke it with a sharp tool laiden on the table. Only to have the stomach burst open and spill a bunch of candy wrappers.

Now you were officially weirded out when the same thing happened to the other vic and you took pictures of your findings including the medical reports and sent them to both your brothers. And then you left after discarding your protective clothes. You thanked the sheriff and said your piece before exiting the station only to find out that your bike had a note on it,

“see you soon soulmate and by the way nice bike… wait a little longer then you will meet me officially… lets see if you can figure out who I am…”

You folded the note and stuck it in your bag and drove yourself back to the motel, you parked and didn’t see the impala yet and so you took an opportunity to take a shower in the peace and quiet minus your music playing and then it came on, one of your favorite songs.

“Oh yeah, La da a da Don't get me wrong, I love who I am I don't wanna be ungrateful It probably sounds strange…”

As the words played so slowly you stoped to take a moment and trace your mark… there was a strange feeling you had right then like you were being watched but no one was around so you then heard the chorus,

“I'm just an ordinary girl! Sometimes I'm lazy I get bored, I get scared, I feel ignored, I feel happy I get silly, I choke on my own words. I make wishes, I have dreams, And I still want to believe, Anything can happen in this world For an ordinary girl! Like you like me For an ordinary girl Like you like me”

You belted that out and meant every word of it, you didn’t care if your brothers were to walk into the motel room right then you meant every word so you sang it like you meant it. In many ways it was true but in many ways it wasn’t. you knew who you were and nothing could ever change that.

Then once out of the shower you heard the tv and you assumed it was your brothers. You put your pjs on and walked out only to find that your brothers were passed out on the beds and standing in the middle of the room watching casa erotica was the same man from earlier that day.

Suddenly you drew your gun, “ok enough games trickster… you revealed yourself to me earlier today and then you show up now what are you doing here why are you murdering these people.”

There was a brief moment of you wanting to shoot the bastard and wake your brothers but you didn’t because you were feeling attracted to this trickster… “now now Y/N there is one reason why im here and I noticed it when we met earlier it looks like this…” he lifted his sleeve and showed me his forearm which revealed the same mark you had on your thigh.

There was nothing right then that made you feel like something had just been given to you. You looked at him and you suddenly said, “reveal your true form to me?” he shoke his head,

“not right now all will be revealed in due time but you will make me the happiest man in the world for with this ring I hand it to you to keep on you.. when the time is right and all is revealed put it on and find time to make these 2 chuckle heads see reason… for when they wake you will be the only one who knows who I really am..”

Then just like that with a snap of his fingers he disappeared and soon after that Sam and Dean woke up, they stretched and looked at you as you hid the ring behind your back as you placed your hands casually behind you there was a moment of shock on your face.

“Y/N what happened I mean one minute im listening to you sing which sounded much stronger than normal and dean was watching casa erotica but….” Sam then noticed the look on your face as you then said, “guys is it possible that the killer is a trickster?”

You said casually without blinking you walked over to your suitcase and smiled placing the ring on your necklace. As dean came over to the fridge and said, “I have never heard of one is that like loki or something..”

You smiled at your brothers thought as sam said, “actually it sounds right and probable too but if you guys want I think I know where he is gonna strike next…” you had to stop them delay them from going after him just yet and you said, “guys please detour your plans for a bit at least talk to bobby in the morning and get more info… you know before we go after him…”

You only had to hope they had the same curtesy for you that you did for them. There was a moment of pause before both your brothers nodded and got ready to go to sleep it was their favorite time of night. You could only smile thinking about it as you got into bed that night all you could think about was how your soulmate was the trickster.

There wasn’t much keeping you from your thoughts when sleep overtook you, before long the sun was shining through the window, there was a large crash that made you and Sam sit straight up and point your guns towards dean who had fallen off the bed.

You both started laughing very very hard as dean threw pillows at both of you. “shut up guys you wouldn’t be laughing if it was either one of you that had fallen off the bed. Now that we are all awake can we please call bobby…”

You and sam only smiled as dean struggled to get up off the floor, you only reached over once to help dean up but that’s when he pulled you down onto the floor and got himself up instead. You sat on the ground and pouted..

Long story short after a call to bobby your brothers managed to get a lead a few days later on the trickster and where he may strike and so they laid a trap… using you as the bait in the auditorium of the school.

The trickster showed up in the form of the janitor and you watched as your brothers stabbed him with dead wood covered in some form of blood or something like that. And suddenly you found yourself wearing the ring round your neck and taking your anger out on everything and anything you could possibly hunt.

~a while later~

When about a year and a bit later you and your brothers were investigating a mysterious black hole type shit or ‘Mystery Spot’ in which a man has disappeared in Broward County, Florida. you all were heading over there you knew something was off about this… like something wasn’t right.

You all pulled into the motel and found yourselves looking up more info on this ‘mystery spot’ there was something that burned against you but then you felt something actually burning you, you excused yourself to the bathroom and looked at where your necklace was sitting.

The ring it was the ring, when the trickster had given it to you he had said you would know when the right time was to start wearing it… you started to think about it more and more and as you held the ring on the chain it glowed brighter till you touched it again and you felt it, you felt something or someone calling out to you.

Then the voice appeared, “they missed me but you felt it you know im not dead all will soon be revealed but don’t say anything till then its time my sweet. Please wear it now and you wont get as caught in it as your brothers… I swear this needs to happen its fate as much as we are destiny. See you real soon love.”

Suddenly the ring fell off the chain and didn’t burn you when you picked it up again, you placed it on your left hand between your wedding finger and your index finger and you felt a nice cooling sensation.

Those words you heard still burned bright in your mind as you exited the bathroom and watched as your brothers had beers in their hands and were already relaxing for the night dean watching casa erotica and sam reading a book, you crawled in beside sam who put his arm around you as you fell asleep, dean who musta shut off all the light fell asleep at some point.

The next morning the alarm clock radio went off near Sam’s head which made both you and sam jump as dean then yelled, “rise and shine kiddos, it was the heat of the moment…”

Dean sang along with the radio, as Heat of the moment by asia played he karaokied through it as you and sam groaned getting up and getting ready and going to the local dinner where Dean ordered "Pig 'n a Poke with a side of bacon," and as the waitress delivers their coffee, she accidentally drops a bottle of hot sauce on the floor.

You all ate in silence and then left the restaurant, as you, Sam and Dean walk down the city block discussing the Mystery Spot, you all run across a barking golden retriever, a blonde woman whom Dean bumps into, and some movers struggling to get a desk inside a building.

When it became nightfall they break in to the tacky tourist trap after hours, but as you all started wandering through the halls, the owner approaches the 3 of you with a shotgun. The gun goes off by mistake, and the bullet hits Dean square in the chest. You & Sam frantically rush over to Dean and tearfully holds him as he dies.

After that night you guys woke the next morning to Heat of the moment and that’s when things started getting weird:

2.       You & Sam wakes up to Asia again and sees Dean just like he did the day before - teasing both of you by turning up the song, lip-syncing, and bobbing his head to the beat. The same scene in the diner replays, befuddling Sam who catches the hot sauce from falling this time. All of you run across the dog, the woman, and the movers again while Sam convinces Dean to check out the Mystery Spot now instead of later. Dean agrees, steps out onto the street, and flies through the air in spectacular fashion when a speeding car hits him. Once more you & Sam rushes to his side and is again traumatized by holding his dead brother in his arms.

3.       Asia plays again. You & Sam now a little rattled watch Dean go through the same morning gargle. He tells Dean in the diner that all 3 of you are stuck in a time loop like Groundhog Day and that Dean’s going to die. Back on the sidewalk -- dog, woman, movers -- and just before Dean steps out in the street, Sam pulls him back, telling him the car hit him yesterday. By this point things are looking a little weird to you, and all your thoughts kept going back to what The Trickster had told you.

Once more you all  go to the Mystery Spot, posing as reporters, only to get an act from the owner while Sam gets very irritated. Dean concludes that as long as he doesn’t die, that will break the time loop. As Sam agrees, Dean steps forward, and the desk from earlier ends up falling on him, crushing him Wile E. Coyote style. You & Sam look on in horror, and "Heat of the Moment" plays again.

4.       You, Sam and Dean go back to the Mystery Spot, duct tape the owner to a chair, and Sam tears the place apart with an axe. Dean tries to get the axe away from Sam, they fight, blood spurts, and Sam cries for Dean. "Heat of the Moment."

and a few more in between they all happened so fast but these next ones were where you and sam started to figure things out... started to piece together more of the puzzle.

5.       By this time, You & Sam are extremely agitated. In the diner, Dean orders the Tuesday special again, and Sam tells Doris the waitress to clock some hours in at the archery range because she’s a terrible shot (implying Dean died this way). He tells Dean angrily this is the hundredth Tuesday. He proves his point by repeating what Dean says at the exact same time and talking about the other patrons in the diner, not to mention catching the hot sauce again. Again they see the dog, old man looking for his keys (which Sam took earlier), and a woman bumping into them.

Dean chases after the woman and finds that she has flyers of the man they’re looking for. He asks Sam why in one hundred Tuesdays he didn’t find out that she’s the man’s daughter. Sam chases after her to ask questions, while Dean goes to pet the dog. Growling and mauling ensue. At this point you were debating on just coming clean to them about your new found relationship with the trickster.

6.       "Heat of the Moment." At the diner, Sam, while on his computer, discovers that their missing man debunks tourist traps. He’s apparently a pompous ass, and Dean points out that it's "just desserts" that a man out to ruin Mystery Spots disappears in one. Sam notices a man who has been having pancakes every day ordering a different kind of syrup, which is the first change to happen. Asia plays as you and Sam wake up with a look of both revelation and fury.

In the diner, the pancake man leaves, and Sam goes after him. He corners him in the alley and holds a wooden stake to his neck, telling him he finally figured out why he’s repeating Tuesdays and watching Dean die everyday.

The sudden turn in your brothers tone of voice scared you but you jumped in front of him and you stood there. Dean stands off to the side confused by what is happening. Sam looks at you like you are doing something illegal and while dean is just as confused you still continue to stand there blocking his path.

Sam goes on to say this, “we’ve killed one of his kind before a while back in the gymnasium of a school…” the man behind you turns into the Trickster and tells Sam they didn’t. The Trickster admits it’s been fun killing Dean every day, but that this time, the joke's on Sam, so he’ll finally get the point that he can’t save his brother. Sam threatens to kill him, but the Trickster says, 

“the joke is off oh and Y/N you may want to explain some stuff to your brothers cause I think right now they are mildly confused…” 

this time the trickster after leaving a kiss to your cheek takes all of you to Wednesday with a snap of his fingers.

You & Sam wakes to a different song, "Back in Time" by Huey Lewis and the News, and is elated to see Dean alive and that it's Wednesday. You all pack up to leave, and Dean goes out to the car first where he’s held up at gunpoint by one of the diner patrons. You & Sam hear the gunshot and rush outside to see Dean on the ground, shot in the chest and dead. Sam holds Dean in his arms and closes his eyes, dismayed when nothing changes, before starting to sob.

You only backed up against the wall and started to cry as Sam who had set deans body on the floor came over to you and said, “what was the trickster talking about Y/N?” it was then that you felt that pounding in your chest grow heavily as you said,

“the trickster had appeared in the motel room a few days before you thought you iced him that night and he froze you both and when I got out of the bathroom he was there you and dean were passed out on the bed, I held a gun out then he told me that he wasn’t there to hurt me but instead showed me the same mark that ive been hiding from you guys for years now it appeared just after dad died…the fact that he had the same mark as me concerned me at first but then he approached me and I dropped my gun before he handed me a ring the only ring ive been wearing for the last year the only ring that im wearing currently cause he told me I would know when it would be time to wear it but I didn’t start wearing it till we caught wind of this mystery spot… that first night we were here the ring which I was wearing originally as a necklace was burning me it literally burned me but when I was in the bathroom checking the burn a voice spoke to me it was him he kinda warned me I guess of what was gonna happen but till now I forgot about the plan till we started piecing it together. Im so sorry Sammy I never meant to keep this a secret from you or dean and now Deans gone and I still…”

At that moment Sam walked closer to you and slapped you, “because of you keeping that from us dean is dead, that’s it no repeats this time and now we are all that’s left of the Winchester line. We cant allow this trickster to live im sorry Y/N I really am jelly bean but we need to finish this…”

-------------------OVER THE NEXT WHILE-----------------

Sam driving the Impala, a distant look on his face. You and Sam had started hunting alone across the country, pulling off some big kills, while Bobby leaves Sam a set of messages asking him to call, though everytime bobby called you you answered and talked to bobby and that was how he knew sam and you were ok well sort of. Sam arrives at a motel and the weapons in the Impala are now all organized in foam casing.

Without expression, Sam fixes his own gunshot wound inside the room, cutting off his shirt, picking out the bullet, and stitching himself up. He eats alone, cleans a gun while examining with a cold stare the set of pictures on the wall tracking the Trickster, and makes the bed in meticulous fashion after waking.

All this strange behavior from sam worried you to the point of you kept quiet most nights it was a lot of anger between you 2 and he often beat on you when you tried to be a caring sister.

He brushes his teeth and stares in the mirror at a reflection that is defeated and emotionally dead inside. Finally, a message from Bobby plays in the background, claiming that he has found the Trickster.

You & Sam meet Bobby at the Mystery Spot, you hug bobby as Bobby tells both of you that in order to pull off the summoning ritual they will need a gallon of fresh blood, meaning they will have to bleed someone dry. 

Sam noticed something off and pushes you behind him telling Bobby coldly he’ll go find some, and Bobby is appalled that Sam is willing to kill an innocent person. Bobby gets out a knife and tells Sam to kill him instead.

Sam agrees, but from behind, he pulls out a wooden stake and is about to stab him through the heart when you knock bobby over and Sam yells, “Y/N get away from him he isn’t bobby he is the trickster he must have taken the real bobby and hidden him somewhere…”

You stood up and punched your brother for this, 

“bro im sorry but I cant let you do this I mean I love him I love the trickster and he loves me and if you really loved me, there wouldn’t be a choice, Sam don’t kill him he is my soulmate would you have killed Jess huh would you have… no you wouldn’t but give him a chance like seriously he loves me so he wont let dean stay dead…”

The Trickster emerges and says, 

“Sam you’re right but so is Y/N I do love her and if you could take your revenge hat off sometime you would see how perfectly happy I make your sister seriously just because both you and dean don’t want to embrace love doesn’t mean your sister wants the same thing...Sam even though dean is your brother, Dean will always be your weakness, all your enemies know it, and nothing good will come of all your sacrifices for each other -- only pain. Consider what ive said here… next time we meet everything will become clearer.” 

so the Trickster snaps his fingers.

You & Sam once again wake in that motel room from all those months ago and to Deans singing and to ‘Back In Time’ you both rush him in sibling hugs… but it was then and there that not only did you shed happy tears for dean but you shed sad tears as well cause you didn’t know when you would see him again.

~2 years later~

To recap the angels have been trying to get your brothers to say ‘yes’ to being the vessels for Michael and Lucifer and participate in the apocalypse. But it wasn’t long before one day you had separated from your brothers to hunt some more leads on the rings of the 4 horsemen and while amidst that you found yourself always looking for signs that your soulmate would occasionally leave you like little flower bouquets and poems and little notes of encouragement and love everywhere and you eventually had a few albums full of poems and notes and things.

That was a few weeks before you got a worried middle of the night phone call from Castiel, “Cas do you have any idea what time it is?” all you could do was groan as cas then said, “Y/N im sorry to bother you but I cant get a hold of your brothers im worried that they are in danger I need your help… where are you?”

You sat up and turned on the lamp, “im at a motel just outside of Illinois… would you please tell…” that’s when you heard cas get more worried, “you need to get to Wellington, Ohio now your brothers are in a heep of trouble and you need to help them… if you need a ride I can bring you…” within seconds Cas was in the room and you hung up the phone and got up taking some clothes in the bathroom putting them on.

You walked out and looked at cas with concern cause he really did look worried. Cas no sooner let you grab your bag than he had both of you out of that motel room and outside a werehouse in wellington ohio.

You then felt your ring burn and burn and burn… you winced in pain as cas turned to you, “Y/N are you alright?” he then looked down at the ring and he grabbed your hand, “Y/N who gave you this ring…” you told cas a short version of what had happened prior but that only set cas off a lot more and cas had no sooner teleported you right in the middle of a sitcom where you saw both Sam and Dean as they saw you they hugged you and then cas disappeared and you felt something weighing you down heavily and you ignored it briefly.

You and your brothers went through a whole sitcom before dean pointed out the police officer just standing against the tree eating candy and you tool the vile of holy oil and a lighter while your brothers distracted him you drew a circle of oil around him while you skipped and then handed the lighter to dean cause you didn’t want to do it and as you backed up with your brothers you felt a burning from your ring again.

This was it… this was that moment he always spoke of… that was it dean dropped the lit lighter and the sitcom scene faded and everyone turned back to normal to reveal the inside of the werehouse and you watched as he just looked at you as you said,

“holy oil reveals your true form, undoes your magic, it brings out the real you… you’re the archangel Gabriel… that’s why your so bent on getting my brothers to suit up for your brothers… you want them to just battle it out to get along to get this thing over with… that’s why you feel the need to… omg my soulmate is the archangel Gabriel…”

At that moment you felt the need to cover your mouth as dean yelled, “Y/N im sorry did I miss something here since when is this douche your soulmate…”

You removed your holister and revealed your mark and he revealed his which was on his forearm and then you showed him the ring on your finger… as he drew an angel blade, “Y/N you cant be serious…”

It was then that Gabriel brought cas back and you looked at the sprinklers and threw the knife from your holister into the switch and turned them on soaking you all but allowing the fire to go out and you to be able to run into gabes arms…

Gabriel held you he held you so close you both started to float. It was something you were giggling and then it happened he kissed you and you could feel your heart soar like you were now complete.

From then on it was easy to be protected then it was close to the apocalypse and Gabriel approached you one day and he said,

“babe look if my brother catches me right now im dead and then it will be a waste I know we haven’t been together long and that’s part of the reason why im doing this… if he catches me and kills me, im going back into porn and when you get the chance bring me back… bring me back and we will be together we will be together forever and it will all be fine.”

You couldn’t help but cry you felt the tears flow off your cheeks and they soaked right into your shirt as you went back to your brothers it was a mess… you wiped your eyes and dived into lore…

After all that happened at the Elysium fields hotel between Lucifer himself showing up and killing all the gods, to Gabriel saving you and Kali well that set you off you killed Kali yourself for trapping you and your brothers in the hotel and destroyed the viles of blood but not before witnessing a fight between Gabriel and Lucifer.

Gabriel turned his angel blade on Lucifer but that didn’t work. Lucifer took it out and turned it on Gabriel but not before Gabriel said, “Y/N I love you I always have and I always will…” then Lucifer stabbed Gabriel and you screamed killing kali in the process…

You then threw your knife at lucifer who disappeared shortly after, you were left on the floor beside Gabriels body crying and when your brothers got inside you felt them embrace you once they saw the body.

“we should go, I tried to kill lucifer he wont forgive that we need to find those rings now…”

Oh man you were pissed you knew that you also had to find that porn dvd… you all got to the impala and on the seat you all found a casa erotica dvd with the words, PLAY ME written on it. You felt a light burning of your ring and you knew it was Gabriel.

You watched as dean stuck it in the laptop and hit play and after seeing a few things and then questioning every second so far you all watched as Gabriel turned to the camera and broke the fourth wall of the film,

“Sam, Dean & my beloved Y/N. You're probably wondering what the hell is going on. Well, if you're watching this, I'm dead. Oh please! Stop sobbing except you my angelic Y/N, but Sam and Dean it's embarrassing for all of us. Without me, you've got zero shot at killing Lucifer, sorry! But can trap him. The cage you sprung Lucifer from? It's still down there. And maybe, just maybe, you can shove his ass back in. Not that it'll be easy. You gotta get the cage open, trick my bro back into it. And uh, oh yeah, avoid Michael and the God Squad but Y/N will be safe they cant hurt her since she is my soulmate. But hey, details, right? And here's the big secret, Lucifer himself doesn't even know -- the key to the cage? It's out there. Actually it's keys, plural. Four keys, well, four rings. From the Horsemen. You get 'em all, you got the cage. Can't say I'm betting on you boys. But, uh, hey! I've been wrong before. And Dean, you were right. I was afraid to stand up to my brother, not any more. [stands up] So this is me, standing up. Oh and Y/N do what I asked of you and we will live a happy life together I promise.”

Your brothers shut the laptop quickly after and looked around at everything you always knew what would happen and nothing would ever stop you from bringing Gabriel back.. you made a vow and you intended to keep it no matter how long it took.