#am i going insane??? its such a random thing to bring up and yet be connected to my curent hyperfixation
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paging-dr-girlfriend · 5 months ago
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Naaaaw dude not me in the middle of an existential crisis deciding to re-orange my hair and I come out from the bleach application to be asked “hey, what do u think of this?” And then shown a recipe for spanakopita
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sunatsubu · 2 months ago
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Jayvik and time paradoxes
I can't stop thinking about Jayce/Viktor. They're driving me insane, absolutely INSANE. Because everything about them is a time paradox??
This is pretty rambly, I'm just trying to get my thoughts down in my attempt to stop going crazy over them and also just figure out what the heck happened because I'm still kind of confused about some stuff, also I am not very familiar with game lore, mainly just the show.
They circle each other and are so intrinsically linked in so many ways, being both cause and effect to each other's fates. Starting at a random point that ends up circling all the way back:
Jayce and Viktor invent Hextech
Jayce gets drawn into politics as a result, away from Viktor
Viktor gets desperate, experiments with hextech on himself, with Consequences (Sky)
Viktor asks Jayce to destroy hextech
Jayce, unable to let Viktor die after Jinx's attack, fuses him with it instead
This leads to Machine Herald viktor, but not quite; like Pre-herald I guess? Where Viktor still retains some humanity
Jayce gets told by alternate Viktor to stop him from becoming the Herald
In his attempt to do so, he kind of causes/hastens it instead?! (more thoughts on this below*)
alternate Herald Viktor regrets everything and saves baby Jayce/gives him the runestone**
Jayce grows up wanting to research magic thanks to mage Viktor, and cue s1 events that end up circling back to the first point**
*I can't stop thinking about how kind and gentle Viktor seemed when he was trying to help Vander. It really seemed like he was on a path to using his new powers for good, without any sinister effects (though maybe I missed some hints, need to rewatch). It wasn't until after Jayce blew his heart to smithereens that he seemed to start on that path of deeming emotions and humanity unnecessary, solidified when Jayce rejected him to join him as partners again.
**Still trying to wrap my brain around these last two. The existence of alternate Herald Viktor that brings our Jayce to his destroyed world in order to ask him to stop our Viktor - does this imply that Viktor would have still become Machine Herald even if Jayce hadn't tried to kill him? Was it an inevitable thing? Or is this still more time paradox shenanigans, where Viktor asking Jayce to stop/kill his younger self, is both the cause and effect of Herald Viktor? And yet another paradox, Viktor inspired baby Jayce to research magic and ultimately invent Hextech, which is what was needed for Machine Herald Viktor to come to pass. So it seems like there are actually 2 paradoxes related to the creation of Herald Viktor/apocalypse post Viktor's revolution.
These time paradoxes defining their existences makes me think they weren't supposed to exist. Or at least, the ways they so significantly affected the world, weren't supposed to come to pass; Hextech, Viktor's Revolution, apocalypse. So while their ending breaks my heart into a million pieces, it makes a lot of sense. In order to cancel out what they'd do to the world (or just Piltover? this is another point I'm curious about, did viktor's revolution affect ALL of humanity?), they had to erase themselves from existence. It's so. romantic and tragic, but not really on both those counts? Like somehow deeper, too deep, to put such simple labels on. Honestly I don't even really know how to describe what their story makes me feel.
Bit of a tangent, but one interesting anomaly is the alt timeline Ekko was in. So Jinx would always be an important factor in Jayvik's fates since her attack almost killing Victor is the catalyst for a lot of things. Mage Victor says Jayce is the one thing across all timelines that could stop him, implying there are MANY timelines where Herald Viktor comes to be. Which thus means in all those timelines, Jinx is the unstable mess we know and love, the one who would attack the council. So that makes it interesting (and kinda gutting because its like Jinx is destined to suffer in most timelines) that Ekko's alt timeline was most likely rare in its stability, where despite Vi being gone, Powder is relatively happy and the world (Piltover/Zaun) is quite peaceful.
This is a seemingly random segueway, but Jayvik very strongly reminded me of the german show Dark. (WARNING FOLLOWING IS MAJOR SPOILER FOR THAT SHOW)
A completely different genre and story, but both are about two people whose destinies are so linked together throughout time and alternate universes, but weren't supposed to exist. And they could only save the world, allow it to go on untouched from the devastating effects they would have on it, by taking themselves out of the equation.
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mamawasatesttube · 4 months ago
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I feel so shy not being able to hide in the anon asks but for the sake of desperation I'll ask anyway.
First of all I must say that I love the way you express yourself, because even though you are against some things, or at least you don't like them. You express it so well and so respectful that's addicting.
Anyway the questions were what you thought about Tim+Kon+Bernard, because I've seen a lot of people talking about it but I don't know if it makes much sense if you think of their relationship.
Also if you had some songs that reminded you of Kon I'd love the recs! Because I'm still a newbie in the whole DC comics, but I've been having a Kon brain rot for a while.
Sorry if I don't express myself correctly, English isn't my first language. If any of this makes you uncomfy please feel free of ignoring me and I hope you have plenty of good days!!💕💕 Be careful to not catch a cold
aww thank you that's very sweet of you to say!!! :D i do love to simply start talking and rambling all the time. one of my top skills. (and yeah i turned off anon asks a while ago because unfortunately talking about racism in fandom often gets you labelled a bitch with a terrible personality 😔✊ alas!)
as for tim/kon/bernard ... i really, really dislike that ship. it takes everything i already strongly dislike about tim/ber (tim drake: robin is the worst comic i've ever read, and i'm including jeph loeb's supergirl when i say this), and multiplies it by a factor of about 500.
my biggest problem with tim/ber is that megfitz wrote them with absolutely no actual chemistry. there is nothing in the text to tell me why they actually like each other. there is nothing in the text that tells me what the issues in their relationship are, or how they might grow together as people, or anything. which is absolutely insane because you'd think "bernard knows tim's secret identity, but has not told tim that he knows" would be a MAJOR point of conflict, but instead it's just completely glossed over to the point of the comic asking us to accept that the bats would ever allow a mob of random civilians on a mission with them. there's stretching suspension of disbelief, and then there's putting suspension of disbelief on the medieval torture rack and tearing it apart. like. come ON. (tdr is also like. teehee gentrification but its cute? which is insane to me in a different way. its just. its so bad. its such a bad comic.)
so adding kon to that mix kind of gives me hives because a) we have all of my issues with tdr being incredibly inconsistent, both internally and with all existing tim characterization ever, and b) it brings up all of my issues with how kon has been written since yj2019. which i could get into Yet Again but in the interests of being at least a little bit concise, it's also incredibly inconsistent and drives me bonkers. so the concept of this ship just makes me go "why the FUCK" because i just truly genuinely cannot fathom why kon and bernard would ever give a shit about each other. i can barely even fathom why tim and bernard give a shit about each other because megfitz did the comic script equivalent of picking up two barbie dolls and mashing them together and going LOOK THEYRE IN LOVE. they have no consistent characterization under her pen.
so adding kon into that just makes me want to tear my hair out a little bit because. like. to be entirely honest i don't know how some random dude from one of tim's many high schools who tim was friendly with, sure, but not particularly close with, can hold a candle to Whatever The Fuck Tim And Kon Have Going On. especially with how flat their relationship reads to me in tdr (what do they even like about each other??? why is bernard in fucking biophysics or whatever while wanting to be a chef??? why does tim not go "you know culinary school exists right??" when he finds out??? how am i supposed to believe that tim "duty" drake would ever leave people in a burning building just for his sad boyfriend??? that batman and co would ever let a bunch of civilians fight alongside them - or for that matter, that they'd need bernard to tell them tim's in trouble?? what the fuck alternate dimension are they from where any of this makes sense???). tim/ber just is such a nothing ship to me that adding kon to it is just like. EXTREME nothing. to me tim/ber/kon is basically a flag that says "i don't care about characterization" and it's just so very deeply NOT my thing at all whatsoever.
...which is why to ME tim's first boyfriend is ives, not bernard, and in this essay i will--
ahem. anyways!! re: kon songs, oh man i have a lot. i have a whole playlist even. with a linked document to explain every song choice. i also lately have been thinking about making a second playlist for all the songs that didn't make it onto the first one!! much to consider.
also don't worry your english is totally fine ♥ and it's very sweet of you to wish me well healthwise and also a little funny because actually i am just getting over a cold that had me sniffly and miserable most of last week. but i'm much better tonight so yippee!! thank you again :D
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bkgbkgbkg · 1 year ago
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more eren hcs pls! where his mom teases him ab the reader and he begged carla to stop bcs of his embarrassment
poor eren lol carla always teases him ab his ears turning red too
I literally am getting so lazy im not built strong enough to write one shots consistenly im so sorry (to whoever requested things before this one IM STILL WORKING ON THEM I SWEAR!!!) im so sorry for skipping the line and writing these hc instead😭😭😭
I love u aswell i love the dynamic of eren, carla and reader its so cute thankyou sm for requesting omg
Bf!eren headcanons
More headcanons/masterlist
Carla edition
- if carla arrives home after eren she’ll always ask why ur not over before even saying hi to him😭
- whenever eren is annoying to u (as always) she smacks him aggressively
- carlas always buying random things for u at the store which eren gets pissed about ‘she didnt even ask me if i wanted one she just said to give it to u’
- she likes to take facebook pictures promoting u and eren as a couple (shes ur biggest supporter frl💀) the pictures are always unfortunate angles tho but its the thought that counts😋
- while u guys were still getting to know each other,, eren 100% went to carla and armin for advice after jean i feel liek carla and armin are a cute little support duo for eren😭 he realises what bullshit jean gave him once he acc listens to them two tho
- ever since eren asked carla for advice tho she doesn’t let it drop and tugs at his ear to make fun of him when he denies things abt u
“Hows ur girlfriend?” His face and ears just heat up as he gets embarrassed “i said to stop calling her that shes not my gf yet”
- when u were meeting her for the first time she defo made it her mission to embarrass the fuck out of eren
- shes defo the type to embarrass him with personal medical stuff like start saying ���eren did u remember your bowel medication?” “How is the ointment for your warts working?”
- u always leave eren half the time to help her make dinner and its ur main bonding time bc shes so cutie
- whenever u force eren to help with dinner she gets mad when he cant cut the vegetables properly or is forgetting to mix the pot or whatever she gets pissed smacking his head and gives up asking if you can do it instead
- shes always smacking him poor guy😭 everytime he does get smacked he gets overdramatic and start saying he thinks he just got a concussion or smt💀
- she makes it a point to tell u to make sure that eren doesnt bring down ur grades LMAO even if eren is smart academically she will still do so
- eren doesn’t mind being touchy w u even if his parents are around idk im too lazy now to think of more carla ones 😁🙌🙌
i cant stop thinking abt him tho help its so bad im going clinically insane
- as much as carla is a bit of a bully to eren she defo aggressively loves him,, like she aggressively pinches his cheek when he was a kid whenever he got some sort of achievement
-like the only reason eren is able to be sheepishly proud at stuff hes a bad at is bc carla was such a ‘OMG WELL DONE MY SWEET SWEET EREN😁😁😁😄’ mother when he got a singular gold star or smt😭😭
- as eren got older tho he started getting embarrassed abt how she was so proud of the smallest things (hes rude carlas lovely)
MY MIND IS BLANKING as much as i have eren brainrot i cant think of more😓😓
My requests r open for anything u can ask me any specific headcanons for eren or any character aswell!! Tysm for reading 🫶🫶
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2000sangel · 2 months ago
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For the Adam thing waaahh..
She/her i’m about 4’10, a bit chunky but not majorly overweight. Alt/metalhead style. About 50 piercings and a butt ton of tattoos incl 2 full sleeves. Dye my hair every colour of the rainbow but rn its black. Mullet with microbangs and an undercut with sides shaved as well. Big ass glasses cos i’m blind af lol.
Personality wise shiiiiiit insanely unstable actually. Diagnosed Bipolar and BPD is like, scratching the surface. But deep down im soooo sweet and gift giving is my love language. Super aggressive to those i don’t know, but submissive to those i do. Anxious as balls. Total virgin literally have never even kissed anyone HAH. Love reading and writing and playing all sort of video games. Am a hair stylist. Ahhh idk what else! Thats probably it :) am a fair bit boring
Good day, anon!! Hope you enjoy these, and thank you for sending this in! I’m having sm fun lol ^_°
dividers credit : rookthornesartistry
★ Adam x You Headcanons ★
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Couldn't think of Emojis, so here's your ship name : Blast Beats !!
★ First of all Adam thinks you’re so unbelievably cool – I mean, he dresses pretty much the same! And if you ask me, I’d probably say that he’s got at least some tattoos and piercings of his own. He genuinely thinks you’re so attractive and he can’t resist the urge to kiss you whenever you’re getting ready to go anywhere, if he flutters his eyes open don’t mind him, he’s probably focusing on your tattoo-filled arms reaching out to cling onto him.
★ Speaking of which! You’ve never kissed anyone, and don’t have any experience in this kind of thing? He’s more than willing to teach and show you things – Adam has had, let’s not lie to ourselves here, multiple experiences with different people before you, so he’s more than willing to take the lead in your first kiss and he’s got a way of correcting you on things he doesn’t like that’s just...the slightest bit of attractive. Don’t be embarrassed to accidentally kiss him the ‘wrong’ way or putting your hands in an awkward place during it, he has ways to fix it so that it doesn’t ruin the moment.
★ He’s also a master of dye – he absolutely helps you dye your hair at home and it’s actually pretty funny how he acts like a true hairdresser during the process, double checking in the mirror and puffing up your hair a little once it’s finally dyed and dry.
★ Adam doesn’t mind you having your moments, truly. He will make sure you get enough love and care no matter what, but if you have especially bad days he’s learned to ask you what you need and accommodate you as best as he can. The only thing is that he’s not the best with words, at least at the beginning of your relationship: expect him to fuck up a little, or even say something a bit tone deaf, but he will immediately apologize after and resort to physical contact to comfort you instead. Do you like being securely wrapped up in his huge, soft wings? Good, because he will keep one of those at least around your shoulder for the whole day.
★ He loves your gifts!! He has never actually been a gift kind of person, but sometimes he will sneak out of your shared house to get you something in return, or he will hang out with friends just so they can suggest what to get you that you could appreciate, because in all honesty, this man wants to impress you... but he’s not sure he gets the gift thing 100% right yet. He might bring you stuff that he likes the most at first...but hey, the sentiment is there!
★ Also, since you like reading, writing, that sort of things...he will definitely opt to get you a book you haven’t had the chance to read yet sometimes, and it’s funny how he’s so bad at being mysterious about it...”Sooo, babe... random question... anything new you want to read came out recently?” he asks, on his way out to a very secretive outing, tote bag of his own band draped across his shoulder. You can’t help but giggle...
★ ...though sometimes he changes his mind midway and decides to bring home a whole new console so you can both play on it together. Your house is full of those, Adam loves videogames, too! The videogames he likes are a tad bit violent, so if you’re not in that kind of thing he won’t force you play –though he will joke around a bit and call you a pussy- and get you more games of your liking that you can play while he sleeps on you.
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swallowtail-ageha · 4 months ago
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Wait I'm coming in for another character meme ask super late but I haven't got to ask anybody about ASoIaF character's yet! Cersei Lannister!!
Hehe asoiaf is always welcome
Favorite thing about them ehe i am sooo not normal about the whole "i am plunged into a life long existential crisis from switching w my brother a few times and understanding how much life treats us differently for our gender and it haunts me so much that it is bringing me to insanity" she is so <333. I also love that she calls herself tywin's heir and it is right- as in she is like him in the wanton cruelty that they exercise and yet think are good political moves
Least favorite thing about them ig her wild misogyny can get pretty uncomfortable to read and now its been a hot while since i read the books so idk if i am misremembering it and someone else did it but its especially disgusting towards poor lollys like GOD. But also it well. Its an important part of her character which also makes it good imo. Awful human but also coherent with her character yk
Favorite line nooo i actually cant quote it bcs its been two years but god i remember that reading her conversation with sansa during blackwater has really made an impact w me
BrOTP goood i wouldnt call it a brotp but. I am obsessed with whatever the fuck she has going on w taena merryweather
OTP OH JAIMECERSEI. YOU'LL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS TO ME. YOU REARRANGED 12 YO ME'S BRAIN CHEMISTRY
nOTP cersei/robert if only that people are SO FUCKING ANNOYING about woobiefying robert
Random headcanon she never had the opportunity to learn how to do it, but if she did, she would have loved going on leisure hunts and might have partecipated in the hunting herself
Unpopular opinion apparently its a very unpopular opinion in certain parts of the fandom but. Cersei didn't deserve more than a decade of a physically and sexually abusive marriage to robert bcs she was fucking jaime and was being a cunt to him. Also people take the incest as a sign of her being evil all along and not just a symptom of the neglect and emotional abuse that tywin inflicted on his children so
Song i associate with them no children by the mountain goats is very her core imo. Both re: her marriage w robert but also her spiteful attitude towards life in general
Favorite picture of them hmmm not a picture but the scene where she shows up at robert's funeral dressed in black + red rubies a la targaryen
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secondchoice-ragdoll · 5 months ago
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im so sorry i had an ask abt what my fav T&K moments are but i deleted the draft and the ask dissapeared too... soooooo... not doing that ever again! thats okay.
i am fond of all the eras (which in my head are 1. them being on DR, 2. right after DR, 3. the 2 ssns of AS they were on (or at least Ks ssn), 4. leading up to the breaking point, 5. the "fallout", 6. reconnecting, 7. up until covid, 8. beginning of the lockdown, 9. leading up to their tour, 10. during tour, 11. after tour until the breakup(?), 12. and now idk whats going on again but we will be smarter looking back on this time in the future) for their own special weird whatevers that they had going on. but here r my fav ones:
1.
- T picking K despite her not really contributing to her team doing well again.
- the one moment i made my header bc its very cutesy.
- K being sooo offended abt T being eliminated both on DR and after in her yt series.
2.
- those interview(?) bits where they both say they'd kaikai w each other from their season.
- besties for cash.
- also their twitter posts from this timeperiod thirsting over eachother!??!?! (+ T on reddit).
3.
- the Pandora Boxx interview w them from maybe 2016 (its still up on fb!) (atp K being on AS2 was already announced ig?)
4.
- K getting those dolls from Andrew for T (no matter how cursed they may or may not be).
- T&Ks HS reunion (them twirling around together☹)
6.
- the anecdote of them going on a hike where T says she forgives K and K's gratefulness for it.
8.
- honestly my all time fav comfort thing(s) they ever did were the pods that barely had video to them yet and were filmed at like Ts place or in hotelrooms on the floor. like. the vibes were immaculate and no matter what is going on that bunch of episodes just bring inner peace to me. forever grateful for them <33
9.
- anytime they talk abt eachother to random ppl basically unprompted (see: K's Pearl makeover, T on the latest PitStops, T on her own channel to guests) ((its just so casual and domestic)).
- i think timeperiod-vise Ks fakeout of a 40th bday party falls here. and the fact that T dressed up like that... and that pic of them and Orville in the bathroom...
10.
- all of the little moments of the live tour. there was so much going on, it was very intense and oh god i miss it soooo much. i esp loved their days in germany (or europe in general). the hugging the touching the bloopers the breeding jokes!!! insanity.
- THE VIDEO OF THEM THANKING THE SUBSTACK FUNDERS(?) AT THAT BUSSTOP.
- all the stories of them being on the tourbus or even the day they had an accident w one vechicle and they said they were worried abt each other (i only dare to list it here bc nobody got hurt as far as i know) ((did this actually happen? i think they only talked abt it like once and that would be weird and out of character for them so maybe i imagined it?))
11.
- the pod they say how they'd stop whatever they were doing just to go help the other and how they love each other the most!!
- THE TAMMIE POD.
- T saying "she is my bitch" abt K backstage (its really just that she isnt usually posessive over K so vocally. and then she was. and i was like okay wow!).
- SHE IS GOD TO ME!!!!!!!
- T straddling K on the netflick couch numerous times.
+ all of the "waterloo"s and "time after time"s.
(+ T writing Soldier and Ghost on the moon and singing You can come around if u want to right after musing abt whether we also "have a friend who we r just like 'well u could have been the loml but we met under circumstances that made us only friends so whatever!'".)
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7grandmel · 1 year ago
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Todays rip: 06/09/2023
Sex - Steve Harvey
Season 4 Episode 1 No Album Release (Read More) Sex - Steve Harvey
Ripped by Nozobot
youtube
Yknow, I wonder sometimes about the impression people get of the SiIvaGunner channel from reading this blog. I've noticed that some posts have gained minor traction outside of SiIva's core audience on here, such as Four Ardain ~ Roaming the Route~, due to it just being a damn solid arrangement.
In a way, this blog is cherry picking the channel's greatest moments and personal favorites, that gives off a skewed impression of what the channel can truly offer. And though I've dabbled in some unserious rips in the past, today we're going all-in: Sex - Steve Harvey is perhaps the most deranged, most incomprehensible, and most hysterical thing the channel has yet to upload.
In the first four Seasons of the channel, channel creator Chaze the Chat would sometimes release Vlog-like videos wherin he'd declare his intentions and direction for the channel going forward. And though things certainly ended up different due to the sheer scope of the King for Another Day tournament, Chaze's vision for Season 4 Episode 1 was still clearly established at the beginning of 2019: bring back the surprise, chaos and insanity of Season 1 in full force. Seasons 2 and 3 had of course not shied away from unhinged content - a certain purple eggplant was effectively chaos incarnate - but it still felt as if it was being deprioritized over maintaining quality and gradually progressing the lore. With the sudden positive reception to Season 3's King for a Day tournament, it was as if a message had been sent to the SiIva team: The lore can wait, so long as the team is passionate about whatever they make instead.
As the premiere of King for Another Day drew closer, "Not Funny Didn't Laugh Day" was the climax to all of this build-up: A day that was, effectively, chaos incarnate.
Sex - Steve Harvey, in a way, shows just how far any of us are to understanding just what the hell the SiIva team are capable and willing to do. Its arguable that the randomness and surprise that defined Season 1 doesn't quite exist anymore, because we as the audience have "solved" the joke - we KNOW that random takeovers will occur, we know that melodyswaps will happen, we know rips can now occasionally have mashups. But rips made during Not Funny Didn't Laugh Day - and especially Sex - Steve Harvey - felt like taking the next step beyond what Season 1 was doing, and in turn is complete jibberish in YouTube video form. There are dozens of people in the comments still trying to discern what the video means - its original joke is of course parodying Steve Harveys overreactions to lewd answers on Family Feud, but it goes through so many bizarre, nonsensical phases, most of which have no actual connection to one another. Really, the only consistent throughline is the audio quality being consistently compressed into oblivion.
And, yknow, its very possible that I am overthinking this rip, and that it really is just a collection of nonsense. But I swear it should not be able to be as funny as it is if that were the case. Sex - Steve Harvey haunts me like an apparition, I keep coming back to it just to find new things in its concoction of chaos that I might've missed. And "Not Funny Didn't Laugh Day" was FULL of rips similar to this - the entire event is a golden throwback to absurdist comedy's recent history, with platforms like Vine and the edgier period of YouTube developing so many strange ways to gather laughs out of people.
I'm eternally grateful that SiIva will keep finding ways to surprise me, even with dumb bullshit like this.
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lazaruspiss · 1 year ago
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So, I'm writing a long fanfic based around the characterizations of the various Bats in the 80s-00s time frame, and Nightwing is gonna be important but I don't have a good grasp of his personality yet. I'm currently reading through The Resurrection of Ras Al Ghul, but that and a few of the 2016 issues are all I've got to go off of right now.
Do you have any comics you'd recommend for getting a good grasp of his personality and general vibes?
I'd also be happy to read any kind of ramble about his personality/appeal you feel like writing. Having read your fanfiction I feel like (sincere compliment:) you are the exact kind of unhinged I want to get character opinions from.
(Also you mentioned Dick being in the mob which sounds Very Fun and I wanna know what titles so I can read that)
-redhoodinternaldialectical on anon cause sideblog
ok first of all. im flattered. i feel so powerful rn.
and second of all... my 'to read' list is embarrassingly long, and dick's been around and in a lot of comics so i have a lot of trouble keeping up ;-; but i will try my best!!
The New Teen Titans gets recommended a lot as a starting point for Dick as Nightwing, and while i havent read much of it, the stuff i have read has been pretty solid and i get why its so popular.
Nightwing 1996 is my personal go to comic for Dick, mainly bc it was his first real solo run. (it's often listed as "volume 2" of nightwing, but volume 1 aka Nightwing 1995 was really more of a test drive just to see if they should make a Nightwing solo series) It's also where Dick joins the mob! although that came off the tail end of a lot of different plot points.
(This is a bit unrelated, but in general I think knowing a bit of irl context to certain comic events is important. Like, at one point Bludhaven is nuked off the map. It doesn't make sense, and it was most likely due to some higher up DC nonsense. And Nightwing 1996's second annual is written by a man. etc etc.)
... I actually have a guide I've been working on, main reasons being quick reference for what happens where, and that writing these things down helps me remember them better
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as you can probably tell, I still have a ways to go. looking at this now i'm starting to realize that i am really down bad for him lol
Mobbed Up (where Dick gets adopted by a random mob boss who took one look at his depressed mug as he was getting fired from the police force and said "new son?") is issues #107-111
I feel like I should get back to character thoughts.
Dick on his own is deeply serious, he has a job to do and it's incredibly important that he does it right. In the beginning this serves as an invaluable asset, but as he loses more people it starts to turn into more destructive. A trait that is morphed by his traumas into obsessiveness.
Dick when Tim comes to visit (or just when he's around people he cares about) is a bit softer, it's subtle, but it shows that he's aware of/cares for the people around him.
Dick with Bruce around seems to worry so much about proving himself, about being seen as a respectable peer, that it backfires into making him come off more insecure and as a bit of a "rebellious teen". (which is exactly what he's trying to avoid when he strikes out on his own) I've read various arcs and issues but I haven't actually read any focused on Dick and Bruce aside from the ones towards the beginning, so I'm sure their relationship must change, but this is how they were when Dick had first moved to Blud.
I feel like Bludhaven is also important to talk about. It's very much meant to be "Gotham, but worse". It's a place that even Batman wouldn't bother with, a place beyond saving. I'm... kind of breaking my own heart, thinking about how much Dick put into this city, only to. To fail? In a sense? A hero's home city isn't usually obliterated like that. The only other example that comes to mind is Hal Jordan's, and Hal literally went insane and became a space terrorist to bring it back. Dick is just... forced to move on.
And Dick goes back to NYC. Nightwing patrolling Gotham with any regularity feels very modern. He shows up when there's a major event and DC wants to capitalize on having a bunch of names in the same series, and he shows up when something drastic changes (like a new robin, or a death). Dick has however spent a lot of time in NYC, either because of the Titans or because. yknow. home go boom.
Anyways. Arc recs. Unironically I need you to read Brothers in Blood. Get past the initial gross out factor of Tentatodd and it's a great look at Jason and Dick's relationship. This is #118-122 and right after Bludhaven gets nuked. Dick has just experienced the lowest lows that one could low. Jason seems to know all about it, and tries to help in the worst way possible. Jason is right and blunt and convoluted and so so insecure about where he stands with Dick. Dick doesn't know where he stands with Jason either, on account of all the murder, and his tactless approach to trying to confront Dick on the copious amounts of trauma that Dick is dealing with. BiB is my Jaydick bible.
I'd also say to just give the first few arcs a shot. Beginnings are meant for introductions! It gives a good sense of who Dick is, why he's here, and what his goals are. Exposition baby! And I'm once again thinking about how ultimately Dick kind of fails said goals. I love him but he makes me so emo. Blockbuster has also been his main villain since the beginning, up until. Yknow. He became deader than his namesake. There's also a few fear toxin based issues that are good for. well. understanding what his fears are. There's also a fear toxin scene in Batman: Orphans, but i'll just reblog the post i made of it so u don't have to read that one. The art is fun, the story is weird and just kinda. meh.
#60 is when Dick joins the force. The beginning of the end, so to speak, but we don't meet Catalina until #71.
#93 is That Issue. The infamous rape scene. The thing about his time with Catalina is that it was almost definitely meant to be explored for what it was- an abusive relationship. But DC wanted Nightwing in an event. It doesn't have any satisfactory end, Bruce (DC) calls Dick to fight in Gotham. He does. His story falls to the wayside for the bigger title. The worst thing that can happen to a DC character IMO is getting a Batman crossover. There was supposed to be an entire arc dedicated to what would happen to Dick in this abusive relationship. But we got 2 issues. And War Games. It pisses me off to absolutely no end. DC needed more mouths to kiss the ground that Batman walks on. They don't give a damn about the stories that exist outside their cash cow.
After all that, eventually Dick is back to his utterly depressing life. He joins the mob, finds a family, bad things happen to said family. (Mobbed Up, #107-111) He wants to protect the daughter, Sophia Tevis, and then Slade holds Sophia hostage to get Dick to teach his daughter Rose how to fight. He does, but he also teaches Rose how to question authority (aka her dad). Slade is not happy about that, and nukes Bludhaven. (Renegade, #112-117) See my earlier note about IRL reasons for dumbass plot points.
Nightwing 1996 has 2 annual issues (despite running for much longer than 2 years). The first annual is a fun murder mystery and i think a good look into how Dick handles relationships. He also reads as very aromantic/demiromantic who doesn't know it yet, but maybe that's just me, lol. the second annual is dog shit. Mark Andreyko can get bent, it sucked total ass and isn't worth reading.
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will-o-wips · 1 year ago
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It is 4 am. I'm staring at the ceiling of my bedroom, coincidentally having my phone right in my line of sight, and write this with the exasperation and intense focus that I probably won't ever have again. I'm about to attempt to make any sort of sense of the latest Hayao Miyazaki movie, The Boy and the Heron (or rather, How do you live? in Japanese), that I watched for the first time in theatres a day ago.
I cannot claim to be right, or to know everything about this movie. Actually acclaimed critics and people with obviously more braincells than me have probably better takes than I do. But I must speak, lest the insanity truly take over my brain, lest I really end up combusting because of how much I want to talk about this.
Prepare yourselves for the most incoherent train of thought and line of consciousness you will ever experience.
FILLED WITH SPOILERS READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. YOU WILL NOT UNDERSTAND UNLESS YOU HAVE SEEN THE MOVIE.
Before I start with my actual thoughts, however, I'll state my personal feelings about the movie, because I feel that matters too, and this is my post anyway so! But I personally left the cinema feeling somewhat mellow. I was not insane about it yet. It was,,, "meh". The impression of the ride was great; I was giggling along with the funny and even sometimes not purposefully funny moments, I enjoyed the animation to the point I would genuinely flap my hands in excitement at how good it was, I understood the story in great lines by noticing small details and going "oh so does this mean x?". But I did not cry. Not a single tear during or after or before the movie. I did not waver with my opinion on it as I rambled about it to my friends online and irl, much to their annoyance. I did not hesitate when I put it in my silly little Studio Ghibli movie tierlist maker that I update whenever I watch another one of these films together with my friends, categorized (in)discreetly under "all vibes no plot but there's a witch/wizard". I still don't, in fact.
So, given all of this, you'd probably say that I disliked the movie. That I would not have so much to say about it, after doing my mandatory ramble and update. Wrong. I still have more to say, somehow.
Despite that, I didn't rewatch the movie itself. I read an entirety of one (1) review of it, together with one (1) random video essay of 8 or so minutes, covering the basics of it. I reblogged one (1) post about its protagonist on tumblr and otherwise kinda read through the rest of the posts on here. I did not re-experience or re-examine this movie again. I cannot (again) accurately reference anything besides that what I vaguely remember from watching it a day or two ago. It's not playing anywhere near me anymore/not out anywhere else yet, so really, I don't even know what possessed me to write about this, or even say anything. The most fascinating thing (to probably all of us here) is; what made me change my mind about it?
It might've been the review on IndieWire. David Ehrlich and his well-written review, bringing things into much needed context as to why this movie was created. It could've been the fact that I've actively processed the movie better, now a little bit of time has passed. [Honestly it deserves a second watch/view for something more concrete, but I'm repeating myself with this, you get it.]
But I don't even really understand it myself. I felt and still feel so detached from this movie in a sense. I appreciate the artistry that went into it, and I adore the way it simply tells the story and leaves it up to interpretation. It references every single film Hayao Miyazaki has ever made before, and elements of other Ghibli films can probably be found in there too, if you looked hard enough. The vibes were similar to those of Spirited Away, and Howl's Moving Castle, given how inexplicably fantastical the world was. It just existed and breathed, and we as the audience jumped straight into it. We never got more exposition than what was needed; honestly I have a feeling that the second half of the movie was the vaguest piece of media I have ever consumed in my life. But it also had this perfect balance of the more drama-focused Ghibli films. The Boy and the Heron, in my opinion, is like the golden middle between reality and fantasy, both in terms of its narrative as well as comparison between other Ghibli movies.
This might also be the reason why I felt confused. The lines between reality and fantasy were so effortlessly blurred, that you could only process a singular picture. And when things are vague to me, I constantly need to pick them apart and analyse them, simply to satisfy my own curiosity.
The moment before I stepped into the movie theatre, my friend who watched along with me told me they heard it was a film about grief. I nodded along and said "yeah, okay, that just means it's another one of many Hayao Miyazaki and Ghibli films. Most of them are about some kind of loss, and dealing with it, either way." I sat down together with them; row 9, chairs 17 and 18, with my two bottles of water (one carbonated, one stilled) and the bag of terribly sour packaged chocolate pretzels I bought at the theatre itself. Horribly overpriced for the quality, I must say. My friend held onto the popcorn, and we sat through the ads, talking and laughing, anticipating something that was supposed to blow us away.
I cannot speak for my friend, but I think they really liked the movie regardless. They didn't cry at it either, even though we both know of each other that we always cry at such things. Somehow this movie evoked a certain stillness in us both; a stalemate between emotions and confusion. Maybe delayed processing. Maybe something else entirely. We both, or at least I, hid it until later.
It was midnight, and right before we stepped on our train home, I was excitedly going on about the references and animation, the things I did appreciate. I bragged a bit about how I recognized Kenshi Yonezu's voice in the final credit song that we didn't get to listen to entirely, because it was so late and we had to rush to get home. They laughed at me and told me to take some time to actively formulate any coherent thoughts on it. I disagreed (lovingly and jokingly of course), and we left it at that.
In the train itself, the same high dimmed into a simmer, the excitement replaced with contemplation, and I kept talking.
I told them: "I believe that this truly is his last film. This felt like a goodbye." And in return, they replied: "It's crazy how this is the last time we'll ever get to live in such a moment. The release of the final Ghibli movie in theatres.
"I'm glad we got to go."
I was too.
I got home, rambled about the intrinsic way The Boy and the Heron referenced other Ghibli movies to my online friends who had yet to see it. Followed by a heated tangent about how When Marnie Was There truly could have had better direction in regards to the narrative, as well as how Only Yesterday was the most boring out of all Ghibli movies. It was a nice night. I didn't think about the movie again.
The following morning, I contacted other friends, who told me about how Robert Pattison voiced the Heron in the English dub, which I hadn't seen or heard at all. He did a great job, judging by the trailer. This led me to another opinion, namely the video essay (I will try to find it and put it in the notes later if you are curious), which claimed something similar to this (of course, paraphrased):
"This is a farewell. The one true movie to tie such an expansive career. It is another movie where you are allowed to explore the magical together with the main character, while sticking close to the processing of it all."
The review I read said it was a swan-song, that it was the question and title of the movie in Japanese, posed at us, after The Wind Rises left it open to interpretation at the end of its run. That this was a story about the legacy that Miyazaki is leaving behind, how reality and fantasy coexist together, possibly influencing each other (not explicitly said but what I interpreted that review saying, so no this is also not completely like this).
Other tumblr posts I've seen on here say it was a film most likely dedicated to his son, Goro Miyazaki. That it was a gentle "I'm sorry, the shadow I leave behind is huge. I know that you will try and fail to fill it. It's okay; you don't have to. You can leave it behind. It's alright if this legacy dies with me."
Some other sources I've seen compare the main protagonist to Miyazaki himself, trying to grapple with the ending.
Yet somehow, all of these interpretations seem to fail to explain the entirety of this movie. The bigger picture if you will. These themes and moments and interpretations are not wrong, but to me, they're not satisfying enough.
Because maybe I am the only one who actually was insane about this moment, but I will never forget the delivery room scene between Mahito and Natsuko. How Himi addresses the magic stone, pleading to let the two go, saying "Natsuko and the boy who is to be her son". (Again, paraphrased, I cannot remember the exact line.) Maybe I am the only one who witnessed the whimsical fire witch and the going back in time plots and the fact that a younger Kiriko and Himi were there, already part of an ecosystem. How we already know from the other grannies in the house that Mahito's mother disappeared once for a whole year into the tower, and then came back the same as before. How the pelicans were BROUGHT there, that they did not belong there, and yet were forgetting how to fly. How they ate the Warawara, these creatures that were rising above to be born in the upper world. How the Heron's weakness was his 7th tail feather (or something along those lines), and how the fish and the frogs chanted for Mahito to join them in the tower. That the great-great-uncle was hoping for Mahito to succeed him and build a new tower, yet the king of the parakeets butted in and haphazardly did the job, resulting in it immediately toppling over, as well as the stones getting cut.
I think about the final scene where the Heron says "It's best to forget. Do you have any keepsakes?" And Mahito shows not only older Kiriko's figure, but also a piece of the stone paths they walked upon in order to get to the centre, the beating heart, the magic stone and his great-great-uncle.
How this is taking place during a war, that the timeline goes from his mothers death that Mahito cannot get over, to the welcoming of his stepmother and his new younger sibling. Them moving back to Tokyo. The way the tower completely collapsed. Completely and utterly collapsed and perished; not even a trace of it left behind. The way that older Kiriko keeps yelling it is a trap to Mahito in the beginning, but that both he and the Heron know. That it is inevitable to tread this specific path. That he must see for himself, whether his mother is truly alive. The way she both was and wasn't; first a mirage of her older self disappearing into a puddle of water, and second a firey spirit of her younger self coming to help Mahito. The way that he reads and cries at the book she left him, the way he hits himself with a rock after his big fight with his classmates; the way Mahito in general drowns consistently in the beginning of the film. He drowns in the fire that he lost his mother in. He drowns in the mud and the dust when he tries to enter the tower at first. He drowns in his dreams, in his tears, drowns right into his quest to find Natsuko (straight through the floor, by behest of his great-great-uncle), drowns in pelicans trying to eat him, nearly drowns in the actual sea until younger Kiriko fishes him out.
Now these things may seem like me just randomly naming shit that happens in the movie. Hopefully in a slightly poetic way, possibly. I could go on and on about the imagery, truly. But my point is, this movie may have been Miyazaki's last movie, his way of closure, his way of speaking to his son about his legacy, his way of describing the grief of losing his mother (idk if this is autobiographical or not. It very well may have been), yet...
Even so, it doesn't really fit the entire picture. It feels incomplete. The analyses always focus on the true meaning behind this movie, what happens behind the scenes, this one key climactic moment between Mahito and his great-great-uncle. But that's as if you would ignore the rest of the movie in general. As if the fantastical aspects weren't there to abstractly tell a story besides just being a symbol of closure for the person that directed it.
Personally, this is a tale of rebirth. Of losing yourself, and then rediscovering yourself in a way. I associate it with my own personal loss of my grandfather; the family member I felt closest to out of everyone.
The way you look back at such a traumatic stage in your life, something that irrevocably changed you for good, something that you probably don't ever want to relive again, but also mustn't forget. The way you instinctively are afraid to learn about who the person you love and grieve was, before you were in their life.
To this day, I still cannot speak to my mother about whether my grandfather had a favourite song before me forcing him to sing along with my favourites. A favourite book before he read out bedtime stories to me tirelessly. Who the boy in him was, and what wisdom and life lessons he carried on, into his grave, into the hearts of his children.
This movie depicts so much more than just grief, it's so much more than just legacy, even. It directly reflects the way I know I would have felt had I dared to actually see things for myself. If I actually dared to go through my grandfather's old things; the books he wrote and dedicated to me, the books he read when he was young. This movie depicts not how to live, but how to live on.
And the only way to live on is to move forward. To look at the foundations upon which it was built, to evaluate whether you truly want to have this be your burden to carry for the rest of your life. Mahito's abstract grief in regards to his mother, and the solace he finds in the fact that he at least knew who she was; that he at least had her in his life as both his mother and the girl that his stepmother knew, that at the very least he knows his mother would do it all over again, if she could. That despite everything, she did not regret a thing, and that she was not afraid. That somewhere, in the past, she lives on, happily marching toward this fate, because she knows that Mahito will be there to meet her again in the future.
And Natsuko, god, she worries relentlessly about whether Mahito will accept her. She worries to the point she yells at him, telling him that she hates him and his existence, because he rejects her so coldly and yet still bothers to show up in front of her during her most vulnerable moments. That he only takes and takes and takes; he steals her cigarettes in order to learn how to sharpen a knife from one of the servants. He uses those techniques to create a bow and arrow, a weapon. He gets into fights at school, he gets gravely injured on the side of his head, leaving a lasting scar.
If I were in her shoes, I would be furious at him too. Especially if he walked straight into the delivery room, trying to drag me out of bed while I was doing my damn best to keep the other child in my belly alive.
That scene, that sheer rage, and the way it ALL FUCKING SUBSIDES the MOMENT Mahito accepts her and calls her mother. The moment Mahito understands that through the literal whirlwind of plasters, things used to tend to wounds, none of those pleasantries/guards will truly allow him to reach her. The way he tries to nurse his own wounds, as well as try to nurse hers, over the loss of their shared connection (Natsuko's older sister, Mahito's biological mother), will NEVER allow him to make a connection with her. By being careful, by being polite, he will never get to be her son.
And he realizes, in that moment, that he wants to.
The magic stone tries to stop this. The magic stone dislikes disruption; dislikes things changing, dislikes breaking traditions (the taboo of entering the delivery room). The parakeets in the tower flourish because they follow the magic stone's whims more or less. They agree to follow its rules, even if it means they are prone to its abuse, because it gives them an advantage, a place to stay. The pelicans have to eat the Warawara, because there is no other food available to them.
The way younger Kiriko says "you reek of death", and how they establish this place is mostly made up of death and dead people. Dead people, or dying people, creatures that are begging to survive another day. Creatures that are begging to be reborn. That want to change, that wish to fly once more.
My mother once gave me a poem dearest to her heart. We have always been a family filled with literature and stories, but my mother was always the best at both writing them and reciting them. She used to read them out to me, back when I was in a particularly bad spot mentally, to the point I could not get out of bed for weeks on end, to try and reach me. She read with the sincerest passion in her voice, a small plea to get me back to the girl I was before.
I cannot explain or remember the poem by heart, but once I was at my true rock bottom, she told me to look it up. A Serbian poem, written by Miroslav Antić (I will add the name of it later), that was about growing up and growing into your own person. It made me weep, for it had a phrase I think I can only translate to this:
"Run and don't look back."
Somehow, whenever I look at all of these birds and creatures in this fantasy world, trying to fly desperately, trying to get to the skies, trying to get to even live, and think about the fact that the only way they can is by leaving this place. That the only way they can fly and survive as themselves is by leaving this tower, this stone, this foundation. By leaving and being born, by leaving and being reborn.
And, after all of this. Somehow I'm not even done yet. I haven't talked about the great-great-uncle in depth, nor the king of the parakeets, nor the heron whatsoever. I have not yet even touched upon what I might think the magic stone is, and the sheer amount of like symbolism I picked apart in my brain because of my insanity.
I'm probably not the only one who noticed these things. But so far I haven't seen anyone actively share these things, so, I will do my best to continue and genuinely wrap it up as best as I can. So that this can also bring the same amount of closure as the movie does.
The magic stone is like a shooting star that came onto the earth. It realizes dreams and worlds of whoever dares to walk into it and claim to own it; like how Mahito's great-great-uncle got obsessed and built a tower around it, caging it, taming it. And yet he still had to play to its whims, consistently making sure his own tower of blocks did not fall, that all of his work did not amount to nothing. Personally, I do believe the great-great-uncle could represent Miyazaki himself. That Miyazaki is trying to express how he built Ghibli and that now it has been going on for so long, and it has become unmanageable to continue upholding it. That it is time to retire.
A thing I find interesting and remember pretty well is the conversation between the parakeet king and the great-great-uncle. How they talked about Mahito's transgression, breaking into the delivery room (side note: he broke in and broke through to Natsuko with his mother's spirit. Mahito became Natsuko's son with the blessing of his mother; with the sheer love she had for him being carried on and through), and how the great-great-uncle says something akin to this:
"It is why I wish for him [Mahito] to succeed me."
"I cannot overlook such a transgression."
I feel this is important. It is key to how the great-great-uncle views Mahito in this. Because Mahito was not sent out on this quest to find Natsuko out of pure selfishness. Sure, his uncle would have wanted him to succeed him, but the entire reason WHY he believed in Mahito to begin with, is the fact that this boy was able to break the foundation and the traditions in the first place. Mahito inherently disobeys from the chosen path. Mahito inherently does not believe the Heron when he says that all herons lie. Mahito doesn't waver when the heron flies straight at him, he doesn't sway when the frogs or the pelicans overwhelm him. Mahito stands firm in who he is, even if he is trying to deal with new circumstances. Mahito inherently goes to places he should not be in (his curiosity for the tower). Mahito has enough power on his own to create a new tower, but only by rebuilding it from scratch.
This ready acceptance that the great-great-uncle has towards Mahito's decision NOT to inherit his legacy, is what makes me believe this is what this movie is supposed to represent. Break away from the old, off into the new. Closure. Moving on.
This is also reflected in the sentiment that Mahito truly DOES move on. He goes back to his family, his father, school, he goes back with Natsuko as his mother and a new younger sibling to Tokyo. He returns there where he came from, but he is not the same anymore. He is reborn into a new Mahito.
And god I feel like I'm repeating myself to death here; I really should have thought about the structure of this, but give me some slack okay. It's like 6:30 am already and I'm still not done, despite continuously writing and labouring at this.
So, the tower that immediately falls apart by someone who always follows the whims of a dream (the parakeet king and the stone respectively). God it is just such a momentTM. Because in the end even this shows that the parakeets, too, even though they by far had it the best in that goddamn tower, had to leave. For they could not build something on their own without learning who they were outside of the already established. Outside of just following the rules and all.
They had to leave, my GODDDDD.
As I'm getting progressively more unhinged, we shall move onto the most unhinged character in this entire fucking movie. The Heron himself. God there's too much to unpack here, really, but the truth is, the Heron was supposed to be the guide to Mahito. The Heron was supposed to be Mahito's biggest, most aggressive enemy, the direct antagonist to Mahito's protagonist. The Heron doesn't want change. The Heron tries to bribe Mahito with the fact that his mother is still alive, that he need only enter the tower, and lose himself to illusions and dreams. That fantasizing about his mother being alive won't only drown him more, that it won't just let Mahito sink into the deepest pits of his despair and anguish about such a death, that losing yourself to the belief that something is there when it is not wouldn't only be counterproductive. The Heron masks himself consistently; he says that all herons lie. He says that he only has one weakness, his own feather, that allows the arrow to automatically target him. In essence, the Heron shot himself in the foot beak. He himself slipped up in his mirage world, and came out to be who he truly was, this weird little man with a huge nose and a conniving demeanour. He adamantly cannot disobey the dream, for then his true nature comes peaking out (a small detail I absolutely love is the fact that the Heron's feathers also disappear out of Mahito's hands when Mahito is called back to reality by the grannies. The grannies protect him in the dream world too, by being his tether and support system while he gets over himself and starts trusting Natsuko). The Heron doesn't WANT to be a guide, for in order to be a guide, you must tell the truth. You'd need to know some facts about the world around you and share this information with the ones seeking guidance. This is how I believe Mahito understood the Heron before we did.
It's not that all herons lie; it's just that this particular one does not want to face the truth/reality.
Another interesting detail: the whole reason why only Mahito was able to cover up the hole in the Heron's beak was reminiscent about how only those that called you out can really patch up your old image. Only those that have poked holes in your false narrative are able to fill them back up again, and even then it is not the same, and even then it will not always be comfortable/reliable.
Either way, the Heron, after this wings partially turn into hands, his true nature, is unable to fly all that well for a while. He relies on Mahito's corkscrew thing in order to relish in his comfort zone of lies again. But throughout the movie, the Heron slowly starts to ignore the corkscrew completely; simply opting to stay in his (frankly, freakish) half gremlin man half heron costume form. The Heron changes because Mahito inspired him to change. Even though his image used to be spotless before, and he tried to deceive Mahito, after a while, he stopped doing that. The mutual trust both Mahito and the Heron had grew. The Heron became a person, although his heron-ness would never go away.
The Heron thus warns Mahito that he should want to forget. That he will forget, either way. That this struggle of his to grapple with the reality of his situation, and the fantasy that he was delving into, will become a far-off memory that Mahito should not revisit. The Heron, I believe, is genuinely trying to look out for Mahito.
"Don't dwell in what you have already overcome. Don't revisit the things you have already outgrown."
And this is where the movie more or less ends. Mahito still keeps that stone, and his mother's book, and he goes back to Tokyo; the only crucial difference is that he has overcome his own grief.
Now, I've said this like a billion times now, but this is the rebirth. This is what I think this movie stands for. What it means, at its core. This is what it means to live; to move on and to cut ties with that what has no place in your life anymore. Miyazaki, I think, is trying to give us closure, a final farewell to Ghibli altogether.
Now I don't know about any speculation that he might come back again, and personally, I don't think it really matters. If he does come back, good for him. I just don't know enough to say anything for sure, so I'll just say I cannot say.
Either way, I think, even though Miyazaki conveyed the need for a new start/a rebirth, he didn't really end on the complete abolishment of all that used to be. You are allowed to keep mementos of it; even though the Heron advises not to. Mahito is allowed to reflect upon this experience, to see it as another stone in his foundation/formation, to say that, yes, the spirit of this change will always stay with me, although it has passed.
Just like how Mahito's mom was someone who returned to the past without regrets. She never came back. She was a spirit that pushed Mahito forward, and he will always remember her, but it's better that she stay a memory than become a fantasy.
This is why I'm so impressed by this movie in general. I'm so thankful that I was able to witness this with a friend of mine. I'm glad that I was able to see this, even though my insanity knows no bounds, and the fact that I didn't even think about any of this until I really sat down to look through the options of interpretations.
I'm so glad I got to go. Now it's time to run towards the future, and never look back.
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datmoongamer · 1 year ago
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Some thoughts about my fascist Harry playthrough so far
TL;DR Microdosed fascism, fascist Harry is more interesting than moralist Harry, this is my third playthrough so I built for int/mot and made him more confident, logical, and authoritative.
I am... having a lot of fun on my fascist playthrough, third playthrough overall. First one was moralist, second one was a hardcore communist one that I haven't finished yet.
Playing Harry as someone who believes that a strong leader could return Revachol to its former glory. How the leader would go about doing it, he's not sure, he's just a random guy trying to do some good in the world. He's also not sure who the ex-something is, but he knows she's a she, and that she burned him bad, so he's bitter about women but not stupid enough to voice his thoughts aloud. 'Sides, inceldom seems like the natural course of action for him.
Can't go through with being racist, so I microdosed fascism. Said anti-communist stuff when it seemed acceptable, preached about the glory of Revachol, but I went for the "very cool but I have some questions about the murder case" option whenever race/immigration came up and (so far) dodged all the conversations about sex/gender/women.
High int and mot. I made him calculating, able to pick up on inconsistencies in people's statements. I miss the more esoteric skills and I miss hearing Volition yap at me, but the int and mot skills make up for Volition's silence. He can think his way out of most situations that would otherwise require Volition to wrangle the phy skills.
Superstar for fun but knows when to be the boring, serious cop. The superstar thing is a mindset he adopted to avoid spiraling entirely into despair. If he jazzes himself up this hard, he doesn't feel as bad about himself.
Rene is the only bearable fascist (so far, haven't reached Lena's racism deep lore yet or met Gary and his buddy). Measurehead and the Racist Lorry Driver are just... man. They're pieces of work. Rene says things like "Revachol is a shithole... good ol' days... I fought in the war..." and I can see how someone would get like that. You can't circlejerk with a fellow moralist because you're both apolitical but with Rene you can both be like "you're so fr... make Revachol great again... you... you get it..."
On my first playthrough, I was a moralist. I was so centrist that I didn't do the political vision quest because I thought "hmm that sounds political, not touching that lol." Even if I don't agree with fascism, trying to see how parts of it are feasible and applying them to a legitimate viewpoint I/Harry can push has been much more fun than saying "hmm I don't have an opinion on this."
Not a sorry cop this time. I apologized a lot in my first playthrough because Empathy kept telling me how badly I fucked up and Harry was a brand new fuck up to me. This time, I'm leaning into the superstar and boring cop persona. When I have some leeway to joke around and someone tells me what a piece of shit I am? Haha, that was me. Own up to it. When someone brings up my suicidal, violent tendencies? Acknowledged, let's move along.
Third playthrough Harry feels much less like a spineless, albeit good-hearted loser. This Harry is jaded and takes no shit from anyone. No cooperating with Evrart, it would be unseemly for a cop to do his dirty work. An NPC starts dissing him? He pushes for the information he needs and leaves, not his business. He'll joke around on the job with Kim and the interviewees, but his goal is always to walk out with the information he needs, and he's not afraid to exert his (nearly non-existent as a skill, so he does this through the insane pile of evidence he's building and invoking the title of RCM officer) authority when he needs to.
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margaetyrell · 1 year ago
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hi luvs! how are you?? i hope everything’s great 😊 i’m not fully back yet bc i’m on vacation atm, just came to save a long queue to keep my blog active bc it’s pretty much dead. so i’m gonna put all the boring details bellow in case you wonder about the future content of this blog and my general thoughts (if you’re up to read, follow the cut!) please drink water, protect yourselves from this insane weather and take care!! see you all soon 💜
okay so. i’m obviously still disappointed on taylor, but after everything i’ve realised it’s not worth it anymore. i’m still a fan and i cannot deny that. altho it’s true that i’ve distanced myself from her, she is and will always be a big part of my life! and i’d be lying if i said i’m not excited for 1989, bc i bloody am!! it’s one of my fave albums of all time and i really don’t have the strength anymore to let anything else ruin that for me (unless there’s a mh collab on it, then i’ll explode lmao) but the truth is that i’m just an art consumer as we all are, and she is pure art. so i’ll just keep doing my thing while she does hers. end!
that doesn’t mean i’ve erased everything from my brain or that it won’t upset me if she messes up again. but i’m choosing to stay away from drama, not just hers but fandom drama in general. the past year has been a roller coaster of emotions and i’m just tired of it. and the funny thing is that it doesn’t really matter! it doesn’t matter AT ALL. its only point is to make me bitter and out of patience, and i’m just another random person with random thoughts that won’t have any impact on her or anybody, whether i’m right or wrong, so!
in conclusion: i’m a swiftie who is not a swiftie who is a swiftie who is not part of the fandom who is a gaylor who is not an unhinged gaylor who is no one at all. hope this helps!
which brings us to the point: stfu sarah what are we going to see here. ofc taylor, but! i’m not gonna stress anymore over not missing a single post. i’ll just vibe with it and save whatever’s relevant to me from now on (i’ve saved a lot already) which are mostly graphics, fanart, lyrics and tagged posts (you can keep tagging me on everything btw, and thanks again to the few who still do lols love ya!!!) but the main content can be found on the celeb blog i run with my bestie (candyshapes), which not only focuses on taylor but she’s like 70% of it, and where my dear @jdschecter has made sure not to miss any details of the tour (thanks ems, i’d be lost without you <3) so i really recommend you follow us there !! the rest, as usual, will be a multifandom blog with special dedication to taylor and GoT.
that’s all ! if you’ve read everything, thank you SO much. i know it wasn’t necessary, but i wanted to clear that up nevertheless. first, bc i’m pretty true to my opinions and i’ve spent a great deal of time trying to figure this out. and second, bc i’ve lost many of you in the process and that’s understandable. but if i’m going to be back, i need to make sure i enjoy it here and curate my experience once and for all, as you all should! also thanks again to all the people that has understood my situation and showed me support in the past. love you and miss you to bits, mwah!!
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selfpres · 1 year ago
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💧, ☁️, 🔥
💧 DROPLET - random angst headcanon
pierre has a lot of issues with a lack of identity. he's not particularly inclined toward angst, so i think this may be a bit of a letdown in that regard, but he doesn't have much of a sense of self. he just exists, and he just survives.
☁️ CLOUD - a soft headcanon
alongside being naturally apathetic, he's also... fairly judgment-free when it comes to acting on any judgment, at least. he may think some scathing things to himself at times, but because he's not prone to emotional reactions he's good at just existing with others. with that in mind: he's surprisingly good at... 'befriending' those most people don't. i have it in quotes because he holds everyone at a distance, but in his main plot he's friends with a particular ghoul in the dreamlands, for instance. toast and i have also been talking about his dynamic with their oc, which ends up very friendly. when he his more-or-less friends with someone, he's much more prone to action rather than words. he's not going to say anything nicer than usual, but he'll cover you with a blanket when you fall asleep, or he'll wordlessly offer you a bite of his food, or he'll bring you a coffee.
🔥 FIRE - do they have any self destructive tendencies? what habits do they have that hinder them from becoming their best self?
i'll say besides smoking, because that's an obvious one. i have, in the little a study in section of my pinned, "masochism in its various forms," and i'd say that masochism is pierre's biggest self-destructive tendency. it's not one i've talked about here yet, and that's because it's hard to explain — especially considering how at odds it is against his self-preservation. pierre is drawn, more than anything, towards those who grate against him. nikki is, in a way, very annoying, and pierre likes to be annoyed. (which sounds insane, and i guess it is.) and this goes beyond being annoyed. being threatened or otherwise wrapped up with someone dangerous is also a draw i had a conversation with toast about it that sort of puts it into a different light, however: toast: I am thinking Pierre's masochism might bizarrely be a great survival strategy me: oh it 100% is me: fortunately it makes him pretty unflappable me: like oh you threatened him? okay. kinda hot depending on the threat and circumstance so he's not gonna be scared or cry about it, that's for sure. so while it may be self-destructive on paper, it makes him able to handle and entwine himself with those who are dangerous in a way that gets a target off his back.
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batchilla · 23 days ago
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hello! thinking about ykikr (insanely in love with how you write dick grayson) and how i wish every fic had a director's commentary/DVD extras and realized i could just go straight to the source. so:
what made you decide i want to write this story for your first long form dick grayson fic? was it a particular trope? a specific iteration of comic/tv show? what's shaped your reader (who's reactions i find endlessly entertaining and who i would honestly want to get coffee with just to hear her vent about the new guy at work)?
Hi! are you the same guy as earlier? if so do you want an emoji or nickname so I can recognize you? no pressure either way! First off I am grinning like a fool, thank you. What made me want to write this story? I was recovering from a major surgery and needed a distraction that I wouldn't get to invested in. Tragically, I am invested. THIS story? Rage at invincible season one, and a discussion with a friend about when would a hero telling someone their secret identity make them safer then letting them be ignorant. I don't know if you've seen Invincible, but there was one moment I couldn't stand that ruined Amber (the then love interest) for me. Essentially, it had been a fairly standard situation of "love interest is neglected because the planet is in danger", where she was understandably hurting. Then, when Mark tells her he's the hero Invincible, she lost all my sympathy and said "I Know". GIRL. HE WAS SAVING THE PLANET NO HE CAN'T COME TO THE SOUP KITCHEN YOU VOLUNTEER AT. She talked about how him not telling her made her feel stupid and unimportant, which, may have been valid, had they been dating for more then a few months. That led to a friendly debate with a buddy about when you'd have to tell someone, which will be a issue I hope to explore from Dick's POV as the tension and danger heightens. Another thing I hoped to play with is identity. I am a Clark Kent glasses (mostly) truther. No, you couldn't solve Superman's secret identity as some random. You'd need to know Clark. Lois Lane? yeah she should recognize him. A random person? it would work. She knows he is Nightwing only when she interacts with Nightwing in close quarters. She knows she loves him only when she knows who he is. Not just her partner, but the light Bludhaven needs. Where Does Dick end and Nightwing begin? is their a difference? He thinks he can pursue her heart only as one, and that it will end with him alone. To say much more risks ruining my next chapter. as for your love of the reader,
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she's a self insert. Well, not exactly, she can walk. *crickets because I am not funny and no one seems to read disabled reader works*. She has a lot going on that I hope to elaborate on in the story, but my aim was to have her be a savvy and smart person, while still remaining grounded (every smart person in DC seems to have an IQ of a million). One of the lines I have for her currently in the graveyard (cut because they didn't work but may reuse) that I think describes her desire to help her city yet pessimistic attitude is: You didn't join up thinking you could fix the police of Bludhaven from the inside. You can't. It has rotted to its core and every time you bite your tongue and choose your battles you know you are contributing to the filth. But, you can't bring yourself to quit. Not everyone has a Wingding to put in the window. You can't fix the force. All you can do is use the badge as well as you can to help the people you can. Thanks for the ask!!!
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mirobami · 3 years ago
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HIII i am so obsessed with your writing and I wish I could request to make a one shot (rin obami and kaede manyuda) if the reader goes on a party and do wild stuff in the bar. Pls pls 😭
↳ oh no!
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❤ GENRE: fluff, crack.
❤ CHARACTER(S): k. manyuda, r. obami
❤ SYNOPSIS: in request!
❤ NOTE: hi hi! these are a little short but they were fun to do, let’s get going!
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Parties are insane, but this one was one of its own kind. With nothing intoxicating to drag people through the mud, it was all up to the people to make the atmosphere fun. That was what was supposed to happen yet it didn’t, for the sole reason that friends from other schools sometimes had friends that were more insane than them. 
This was that occasion.
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━ KAEDE MANYUDA ;
Manyuda knew that parties like these always had to have a little bit of something to make people feel light on their feet. The infection would pass on to everyone else, causing them to feel lightheaded and do ridiculous stuff.
This was his situation with his lover.
They had been invited to a party by one of her old friends. The said friend was from a public school and when Manyuda had been told that he’d go with Y/N, he didn’t expect for the party to be this crazy. He only went along with it because it was his significant other and he was not about to say no on an outing with her.
Maybe we should’ve stayed home, Manyuda said, sitting on the sofa, looking wildly bored and unamused at the same time. He only looked up when people start circling the table and he looked up, his glasses almost falling off in shock as he stared at the sight of his girlfriend, clearly not in the right state of mind, starting to dance. Not only that, she was using the ceiling fan as some sort of prop. People were laughing and were joining her too.
He finally stepped in when she was dangerously close to the edge, helping her down from the table. “My love, what are you doing?”
“Dancing-” She hiccupped a little and tried to pry her wrist away from him. “Let go, Manyuda, I wanna go dance again!”
“You will fall off.”
“Ooo, this is a good song, I’m gonna go perform a concert for them on the table.” She somehow got her wrist out of Manyuda’s grip and he quickly went after her, sighing internally. His girlfriend was going to perform an entire concert of her favorite group and on one hand, he needed to watch her to make sure she wouldn’t put herself in danger and on the other, he was amused at the thought.
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━ RIN OBAMI ;
Rin didn’t know what to expect when he heard that one of his lover’s friends invited her to a party. Obviously, this friend was from some other school that was not private. People from private schools and public schools were completely different, so it would be the same for this party.
He was right. The amount of people he saw doing the most random things created an atmosphere of chaos. If he wasn’t careful, he could have been swept up with the rest of them. Instead, he was sitting on the couch, scrolling on his phone as he told Y/N to go crazy and do whatever she wanted, as long as it was safe. 
Something was bound to go wrong and it did. He looked up and had to do a double take at the sight of his girlfriend on the table with her phone by her lips as if it was a microphone.
“I want to thank you all for coming out tonight, I’m going to sing something that is specifically for my lovely boyfriend, Ran--no, Rinne--no, uh, anyways, this is for him.”
A terrible rendition of Toxic filled the next few minutes, other people singing awfully with her. Rin couldn’t hold himself back from laughing as he went over to try and bring her down. She only waved him away. “Sorry, I don’t know why my security isn’t here to keep you away.”
“I’m your boyfriend.”
“Okay, I can sing that song next.”
He stayed only to hear her renditions of popular songs. He was watching her to ensure that she was safe, but the entire situation was extremely intriguing and funny for him. Maybe parties hosted by people from other schools were better than the ones from people in private schools.
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anika-ann · 4 years ago
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In the Strangest Place (We Just Might Find Love) - Pt.1
Type: two-shot, pretty much canon
Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader     Word count: 3700
Summary: You’re hiding from your boss in a supply closet, minding your own business, when a stranger joins you unexpectedly. 
This is not a beginning of a steamy story; given the reason you’re hanging out in the dark, even a make-out session is honestly the last thing you want to fantasize about right now.
But that doesn’t mean that the nice stranger cannot make your day much better. 
Warnings: mention of sexual harassment, a bit of angst, attempt at humour, language
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You were on the verge of screaming – or crying, you honestly weren't sure anymore. But you knew you were done. You had worked your fingers to a bone just to get here; to become a little bee in the most famous hive in Manhattan. Stark Industries. The Stark/Avengers Tower. The beacon of the New York skyline. The dream coming true.
Yeah, not so much.
You hadn't expected super-important assignments – after all, you were just an assistant to the head of one of too many departments – but God, you had not expected to be handling coffee so often. To be running ridiculous errands. Your degree from MIT should actually mean something here! If nothing else than that you were not just some pretty face and that you fucking didn’t deserve the treatment you were receiving.
And that was the root of trouble, really. You could handle making your way up, it would be tiring but not surprising, it was pretty much what you had assigned for.
But you had not assigned for the sexist comments, disgusting innuendo and for the grabby hands of your sleazy boss. Thomas Gregory was a fucking nightmare of a man and you swore that you were quitting if he called you a ‘Dollface’ or slapped your ass one more time.
And that was how you had got here, into this very moment; hiding in a dark supply closet like a creep with two cups of overpriced coffee in a cup holder and a piece of organic carob-nut muffin.
You weren't about to come out any time soon, because you simply knew your boss still would be a pig and give you yet another reason to hand in your notice and you had fucking wanted this job for so long, worked for it so hard and sacrificed too much that you just couldn't make yourself to quit no matter how much your skin cringed and your stomach rolled over every time Thomas Gregory touched you. It was so frustrating you wanted to scream.
Or cry, you still couldn't solve the dilemma. Maybe both.
You barely registered the hurried footsteps – and then the door was yanked open, you glimpsed a tall blond male figure and suddenly there was dark again. Except there was one more body in the very limited room of the closet, making you press your back onto the shelf.
Something rattled with your movement and the newcomer hissed a barely audible ‘Be quiet’ as two columns of muscles that were probably his arms framed your head leaning onto the very same shelf, so you could both fit in here.
The little order leaving his lips broke the last seal inside you. You were tired, frustrated and were receiving enough humiliation as it was, you did not need some random guy invading your hideout, barking orders.
“Look, mister, if you have any problem with me trying to make a little space for you in this tiny-ass closet, I recommend you to-”  
“Shh!” he hushed you and you thought you had never heard someone whisper so urgently; at least it sounded less bossy than before. It did not mollify you though, because this guy actually had enough impudence to-
“Don't you dare to shush me-!”
A hand went to cover your mouth and you let out an exasperated mumble of curses, while his voice continued.
“Please, just— I'm sorry, please, don't make a sound, my friend is trying to set me up and-”
Your eyes went wide and he suddenly fell silent. Before you could question his methods of shutting you up, his exclaim or the pause, and ask him to be so kind to find another closet, another male voice sounded somewhere behind the door.
“Come on, Steeeve. Man, don't be such a prude. Lillian is a great chic, okay?”
The man – the friend, you assumed – seemed annoyed and you couldn't believe that Steve had not been kidding you. He was actually hiding for the very reason he had offered you. You nodded as you heard the stranger behind the door move and the hand covering your mouth hesitantly disappeared.
“It's just a lip piercing, don't be such a tight-ass. It can actually be quite fun, you wouldn't believe what a girl can do with such thing…”
“Gross,” you commented soundlessly and you could feel your companion’s eyes burning a hole into your head in silent agreement.
“Goddammit, Steve!”
The voice and the footsteps slowly disappeared in the distance and you… you were face to face with a stranger named Steve in a limited space of a dark supply closet, his breath tickling your scalp, his cologne very much assaulting your nose; at least it was a pleasant assault.
“I'm sorry for being so rude. And thank you,” his voice caressed your hairline gently and hearing his suddenly polite tone and evaluating this whole situation, you could barely hold back a giggle all of sudden.
“You're welcome, Steve. How long has this been going on?”
“Two days-” That didn't sound too bad, he could probably take a lot more- “-at this level. With Lillian. It was Emily before that and Angelina before that. In smaller scale, it's been happening for about four months,” he recited dutifully as if he was reporting a status to his boss and this time you couldn’t help it – you giggled.
When you could feel the wounded gaze he gave you, you obediently made a sympathetic noise.
“Aww, poor you, your friend supplying you with no doubt great relationship material…”
“That’s what he said! But I don't want a relationship material. I don't want any material, not even his… one-night stand material. What does that mean anyway? These are women he's talking about, not a material-”
You let out a tiny pleased sound at his exasperation, which shut him up. You wondered if it was your turn to speak – it was hard to tell, supply-closet conversations weren't exactly your area of expertise.
“Kudos for that thinking,” you noted after short silence and the darker shadow of his figure tilted his head. “Did you try to tell him that you weren't interested…? Of course you did, why am I asking, that was a stupid question…”
“It's okay. I'm sorry, I got a little… carried away. It just… it's like talking to a brick wall.”
You hummed in sympathy again and the room fell into silence once more.
It was ridiculous how much your mind started working over hundred percent, trying to come up with something appropriate to say. The best you could do was:
“Hey, you want a cup of overpriced organic coffee? I happen to have two.”
The needy noise that let his lips was downright pornographic. Or maybe it was your mind playing tricks on you, the strange environment finally getting to you.
“I knew I smelled coffee here! I thought I went completely insane.”
You couldn't help but smile at that. Yeah, you knew the feeling all too well.
“Nope, your senses were not playing tricks on you. Help yourself. It should be around your left hand.” A rustling of a paper bag. “Oh. That's a carob-nut muffin – with carob instead of cocoa. You can have that too, I won't need that.”
“Alright, I gotta ask. Why are you hiding in a supply closet, with a muffin and two cups of expensive coffee nonetheless? And may I hand you one?”
“Such a gentleman. Thanks,” you murmured and accepted the cup. You weren't lying about not needing it – you wouldn't. Because you were about to quit; it was inevitable.
You sipped the warm liquid, its taste as bitter as the reason behind your actions.
“So?”
“I'm hiding from my boss.”
Your voice must have sounded terrible, because his own softened at the confession.
“And why is that?”
“Because if I bring him his coffee and muffin, he'll probably call me his good girl and— and slap my butt and-”
“I beg your pardon?” he growled, like honest to God growled, the strange sound warming your scalp.
And it was the righteous outrage in the sound he let out, the reaction that you needed, someone agreeing with you – a stranger, who wouldn’t feel obliged to do so just it was a duty of being a good friend to you – that made the levee break. Suddenly tears were streaming down your face, anger and humiliation, and your breath was hitching in embarrassing hiccups and the dark space felt so anonymous and safe at the same time that you didn't even care anymore.
“And if he does that I’ll have to– to quit, because I-I'm so fucking fed up with his dis-disgusting hands and si-sickening voice voicing his lizard thoughts a-and I ca-can't quit goddammit, I worked so fucking hard to-to get a job h-here and-”
You didn't realise your hands started trembling until the cup disappeared from them, placed back on the shelf, and a pair of much bigger and warmer hands gently enveloped yours, his body shifting just a little closer as he lost the support that had been keeping some distance between you.
“Hey, hey, shh, it's gonna be okay…” his voice washed over you soothingly, sounding almost at your ear.
Still, there was space between your bodies, a respectable distance – as respectable as possible in the limited space. It was as if he acknowledged it could make you uncomfortable – which probably wasn't exactly hard to figure out, given what you just told him.
“I'm sorry,” you sobbed and cleared your throat afterwards in attempt to compose yourself. “I didn't mean to load that on you, my problems are none of your concern-”
“Like hell they aren't. Sexual harassment on a workplace is everyone's concern, or it should be,” he grunted. His hands tightened their grip, not uncomfortably – reassuring. “This okay?”
You smiled through your tears. This Steve guy was really sweet to you. You almost forgot what it was like to be treated with respect.
“Y-yeah. Thank you for-- for asking. That was really nice.”
He huffed. “It should be a normal human decency. And I did grab you before that, sorry.”
“Something tells me you would let go if I said no more vehemently.”
“Of course I would.”
You gave him a watery smile he couldn't see and tried to calm your breathing completely. His thumb caressing your wrist helped. You wondered which department he was from; if his skills in comforting came with a job description or if he was a natural.
“Have you… have you tried to fill in a report?” he asked hesitantly, making your heart stop.
Oh yeah, you had. It had ended up in a shredder machine, because Thomas had spotted it. He had made you do it yourself, standing over you and watching, claiming the complaint had been baseless and it would pointless to hand it anyway, because he would explain the HR how it truly was. That you had made a move and he, the good father and husband he had been, politely turned you down, which turned you vengeful.
You whispered the story to Steve, your voice trembling, more tears escaping and you could immediately tell he believed you – because his grip grew steely strong, his teeth grinding.
“This is wrong. You should have never been forced to work for a man like him– objectifying you, touching you, threatening you, that's just--- you should talk to Tony,” he blurted out in the end and you frowned.
“Who's Tony?”
You had checked the whole HR department via their website when doing your research. You couldn't recall any Tony.
There was a short pause, broken by Steve's confused voice. “Stark.”
You blinked, wondering if Steve was joking. He didn't sound like he was joking, which was strange, because so far, he had seemed to be a smart and reasonable man.
“There's no way I'm scoring a meeting with Mr. Stark. And it's not like he’s dealing with things like that.”
“...Talk to Pepper then. I doubt she has bigger than zero tolerance for harassment,” he exclaimed confidently as if talking to Pepper Potts (this time you assumed whom he was talking about – did he call all of the big bosses their first name…?) was an option for a regular human being like you. Realizing that all over again though, that was tough.
“While I believe that’s her policy, it's not like I can just walk into her office.”
Steve seemed to consider that, while his thumb was still drawing patterns on your skin, almost subconsciously.
“I think you could. But if you're worried it might take a while and you’re scared to go back to your office now, let me walk you. I can explain him that every employee deserves to be treated with respect,” he offered finally, deadly serious, yet still sounding kind.
Your heart swelled. A guy you just met (in a supply closet, a good story to be narrated at parties, you supposed), suggested to help you out, no hesitation. God, wasn't he just too pure for this world?
“I… thank you, Steve. But… while you do have an impressive frame, I think it would only get worse. I think I'll just enjoy this extremely hipster coffee, which I'll later have to pay for no doubt and… and go face my boss to hand him my resignation. There are plenty jobs, right? I can as well serve coffee in a café,” you said with a sad smile, letting your hands slip from his comfortable hold.
“That's not right. Especially if you worked hard to– not to mention it's a matter of principle. You run away once and… running is a very hard habit to break,” he whispered, as if a secret, trying to reason with you.
You bit your lip when the truth of his words washed over you, along with the way he spoke; with such a strong believe in principles that should stand a standard. It… he made you forgot your own trouble for a second as you let yourself get lost in him. In the way he treated you, the protector's persona, yet not forced. He had suggested you to ‘let him come with you’, not even a note of command in his approach. This was not a man seeing an opportunity to be a hero when spotting the damsel in distress; this was a man who believed in what was right and wanted to fix things that were apparently broken. You wished there were more men like him, selfishly wanting one of them to be your boss.
“And men like these – they need to be put in line,” he added darkly, snapping you from your daydreaming of a better world. “Let me come with you. I'll—I’ll help you fill in the forms, walk you to HR. You don't have to deal with this alone.”
For all the comfort the dark had offered you so far, you wished for a little bit more light now, enough to see his face, his eyes. You knew they would be burning with honesty, you were sure of it, maybe a little rage aimed at a man who dared to treat another human being the way he did.
The offer was so tempting. But just imagining the security escorting Steve from the building for wanting to help you was enough to put out the fiery need to accept. It was ridiculous to care so much about his well-being after what could be minutes of knowing him, but no one could call you out on it. And if they did, you could always play it cool with ‘matter of principles’; good people only deserved good things.
You carefully reached out, hoping to find his hand again. Your heart skipped a beat when you brushed his thigh instead, but at least his hand was right next to it. He released a surprised breath when you took it into yours, way smaller one. You bit your lip when leaning in a little, blindly trying to meet his gaze.
“You’re a good man, Steve. I’m sorry your friend is giving you a hard time, you don't deserve that – even though I'm sure he means well. If you ever want to get him off your back...” you wavered at the ridiculous idea, but hey, why the hell not, he had offered to help you out first, “you can say you're seeing someone. Give him my card. I'll confirm we're together – he seems like a kind of a guy who would check.”
Shocked breathless laugh erupted from his chest and you assumed you hit the nail on the head. You fished out one of your business cards, handing it to him and releasing his hand then.
It was time to leave and face your fate, but Steve didn't make any attempt at moving out of the closet.
In fact, he seemed to examine the card for a while and then he quietly read out your name. You gasped in surprise. How the hell could he see anything? You could barely make out his silhouette!
“How-”
“I'm used to working in dark spaces,” he muttered absently. “Would you really do that?”
Slightly taken aback he was considering your offer, you nodded, only to realize he couldn't see it--- actually, he probably could.
“I would. Hell, I think I could handle one uncomfortable dinner with your friend vetting me,” you added, slightly amused at the idea. When you could hear his shocked exhale and wanted to take it back. “I didn't mean to-”
“Let me come with you to your office,” he repeated like a broken record and you frowned at the sudden change of topic.
“What-”
“It could throw your boss off your back for long enough for you to deal with the complaint. If you would be comfortable enough to play my girlfriend for a dinner time, why not now?”
Your eyes went wide and you almost choked on air.
“I-what? I told you it would probably only make it worse-”
“It will work.”
“How can you be so-”
The door yanked open and your eyes were hit by an unpleasantly sharp light, making you squint.
“Holy-” a ridiculously familiar voice you couldn’t place breathed out. “Wilson! I found him! You’ve gotta see this!”
You wanted to see the owner of the voice, but your view was completely blocked by the broad chest of your companion.
So you at least raised your head to meet Steve face to face so to speak. You couldn’t see much, your eyes still adjusting; with the light shining from behind him, playing a mysterious game with his blond locks, framing his impressive figure, he looked like a freaking angel, beautiful and righteous, bringing justice, yet wrapped in an aura of peace and serenity. You barely kept your jaw from falling on the floor.
You kept staring, focusing on his face, and slowly started realizing that his features too, were familiar. Mortification was creeping up your back as the puzzle pieces started falling into place, creating a horrifying picture, making you wish for the Earth to swallow you.
The voice from behind Steve’s back resolved the last doubts you had about your temporary mysterious roommate.
“Wouldn’t peg you as a get-freaky-in-a-closet kind of guy, Capsicle.”
You wanted to immediately protest that you had definitely not been getting freaky in the closet, but your brain was still frozen because of the big revelation – that you had just been comforted, hell, that you had just offered to be a fake date to Captain America.
You simply stared at him, unbeing able to hold your jaw from falling anymore. Because– because-- oh god.
Now it made perfect sense that he thought Thomas Gregory would be intimidated… by the idea of harassing Captain America’s girlfriend. You couldn’t really blame Steve for being sure it would work. Also, it kinda explained why he called Mr. Stark or Ms. Potts their first names – they were on the first name basis.
Which really was the least relevant thing right now.
A bashful smile appeared on Steve’s lips, a little guilty perhaps, and you just… giggled at the absurdity. You couldn’t help it. You had just spent minutes in a supply closet with Steve Rogers without having a single clue about it and while you didn’t do anything heated as someone would assume, it was one of the most amazing minutes of your life.
You must have looked like an idiot or something, because he chuckled too, completely ignoring another male voice growing in volume as the newcomer approached.
“Holy hell, man! I can’t believe what I’m seeing!”
At those words, Steve tentatively took your hand with an encouraging smile and led you out to the hall. You were met with two pairs of curious eyes examining you from head to toe. You lowered your gaze, now fully aware of the fact they belonged to Tony Stark – the Iron Man – and Samuel Wilson – the Falcon.
Well. Now the ‘party story’ finally got the right juice.
“Then don’t, Sam, because it’s not what it looks like,” Steve replied to his match-maker friend and took a deep breath, squeezing your hand tighter. “Tony, this woman would like to report harassment on her workplace.”
Your head snapped to Steve’s face with panicked gaze. What the hell was he doing?!
Tony Stark made a noise of disapproval.
“Couldn’t you try harder so she wouldn’t complain about you?”
“Tony,” Steve addressed him, his voice solemn just like his expression, which clearly surprised the billionaire. “I’m serious. It’s not about me. Her boss is the reason why she was hiding here.”
Without commenting any further, Steve handed him your business card and Mr. Stark hummed. You weren’t brave enough to look up. Was he going to wave it off? Was he going to fire you?
He said your name, making you gulp in fright. You had to look up now and you really didn’t wanna, too afraid of what you’d see. You were shocked to meet with a searching gaze, but not a mean one.
“It is true? Is your boss giving you trouble? Making sexist comments? Worse?”
You felt tears in your eyes, utterly taken aback by his sensitive tone, the inviting light in his eyes. It was too much to bear and you wanted to escape the kind gaze; and he wouldn’t let you. You only managed to nod when you felt Steve’s thumb caressing the back of your hand.
Mr. Stark sighed, adding a dark ‘goddammit’, and returned Steve the business card.
“Alright, kids. Let’s have a trip.”
And you just stared.
…what?
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Part 2
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I know, I know, Steve is a little bit of Knight-In-Shining-Armour here, but it made sense to me O:-)
Happy weekend!
Thank you for reading!
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