#am i gay? i think im gay

[fishwanderingforest]

Why the FVCK do only women flirt with me like yes gorgeous thank u for the compliment I'll continue blushing now for the next 5 to 7 business days, as a compliment from a (queer) women is among the highest form of compliment u can get, however sadly I am attracted to men but they simply won't fvcking flirt with me, wtf am I doing wrong, I just want a boyfriend

[campirefangs]

thinking about a sadist telling me im not allowed to cum and then immediately making me cum on purpose just so they can punish and make fun of me for not being able to follow directions

[lotus-pear]

free will is drawing ur two favorite characters together and making them gay

[hinamie]

*catboys ur shounen protag*

[olliedollie1204]

taps mic. clears throat. remus being the embodiment of the thoughts and fantasies thomas considered "forbidden" means he was, at least for a while, the sole embodiment of thomas' queerness as something to be feared or ashamed of or disgusted by. before any of the other sides could accept this about themselves, before thomas could accept it about himself. remus is the source and the holder of thomas' most unwanted thoughts, which at one point (and while this is technically subtext it is like 1 inch away from being text) included thomas being gay. if we get any dialogue or confirmation of this in the series I will do 1000000 backflips break my neck and pass out on the floor

[inkskinned]

you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.

you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.

he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.

a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.

he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.

you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.

people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.

wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.

also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.

he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."

you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.

"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."

he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.

you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.

is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?

you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.

[napping-sapphic]

Need the kind of cuddling where we get our hands under each other’s shirts and splay out our fingers just to feel as much of each other as possible and make ourselves as close to each other as possible

[almondpiglet]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST REIGEN!!

everyone thanks you for entering their lives :')

[star-dust-shark]

Nico looked up from the sea to gaze up at the sun

[locusfandomtime]

i will continue to hijack him

[whirlwindofcomplications]

TELL ME I'M YOUR NATIONAL ANTHEM.

I. excerpts from a book I'll never write #56, @blossomfully

II. desperation sits heavy on my tongue, @tullipsink

III. brute: poems - emily skaja

IV. "everything all of it," in 'then the war' - carl phillips

V. susan jeffers

VI. radical feminist therapy: working in the context of violence - bonnie burstow

for @gayferrari - everything always comes back to michael

[foxett]

Holy flip!! Fully colored suntan post?? Decently done grass??? Someone pinch me (day 10 suntan)

[fossilizedhysterics]

guess who finished tlok tonight and immediately had this come to him in a vision!!!!

[lunarharp]

Scrappiiiees i love kitchen :)

[xxlady-lunaxx]

pen doodles bc i rlly want to draw but idk what

[mozzarellamint]

stupid