#am i aro? am i still biro? am i actually attracted to men? is it heteronormative?

[nerdie-faerie]

ace youre aro???

Great question, wish I knew

[nightcoremoon]

hey so I fully get when a lesbian says she (or he or they or ze or xim or whatever pronoun, but for the purposes of this post I'll be using she) doesn't like it when women use the term bi lesbian. like, I understand that. a homosexual biromantic (homobi) isn't a lesbian, a bisexual homoromantic (bihomo) isn't a lesbian, that makes sense to me. I'm not trying to step on that. even if a homobi or bihomo decided to only have sex with or date other women, it doesn't determine her orientation. asexuals can fuck their partners for their partners' pleasure if not their own but they're still asexual. I'm not sure about aromantics- I doubt it's possible for an aromantic to be in a romantic relationship for their partner's benefit because romance is a two way street [when speaking in terms of monogamous dual-partner relationships obvs]. I'm not an aromantic so I don't know, but even if there was a way for it to happen, and the aro's part in the relationship was more performative, they'd still be aro because their attraction was unchanged. if you are at all attracted to men in any way [besides comphet obvs], even if you choose not to interact with them romantically or sexually, you are still not a lesbian. I'm sure that all rational people can agree to these things.

so by these rules, it would logically follow that the definition of a lesbian is specifically and only a homosexual homoromantic. I mean we just established that that the rules are that lesbians experience attraction to other women and don't experience attraction to men. case closed, right?

ok but wait what about aromantic homosexuals and asexual homoromantics? uh oh.

are ace lesbians a thing? are aro lesbians? I mean, yes, rhetorical question, I've seen both en masse. but I don't see an outcry against those definitions since they clearly don't follow the established rules behind a lesbian identity. maybe it exists and I just haven't seen it. it doesn't matter. the point is, that if bi lesbians are not a thing- which they aren't- it should also stand to reason that ace/aro lesbians are also not a thing. but whatever, it's not a huge deal, terms like sapphic and gynephilic and wlw still exist. I mean, lesbians are lesbians because they love and wanna fuck girls, not because they DONT wanna date or fuck boys. a lack of attraction to specific genders is a lackluster and incredibly reductive thing to identify as (thus the trend of gold star lesbians is dumb & bad and doesn't take into account comphet) UNLESS it's a lack of attraction to ANY such as in the case of ace and aro.

so yeah, women who are homoromantic or homosexual aren't automatically lesbians if they're not both. bi lesbian is an oxymoron, and both bihomo and homobi. case closed, right?

A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS

what about nonbinary people?

"what aBOUT nonbinary people?"

if a lesbian is specifically a homosexual and homoromantic woman- which they have to be a woman to truly be homosexual/homoromantic and attracted to women- and if experiencing attraction to any gender besides female is an indicator that this person is NOT a lesbian- which the anti bi lesbian crowd has indicated- any self identified lesbian who is attracted to nonbinary people, especially dfab nonbinary people, is not actually a lesbian after all. right?

I'm only applying basic logic here. transitive property. if a+b=c then b+a=c, if c-b=a then c-a=b, etc.

a lesbian who experiences attraction towards nonbinary people is not actually a lesbian. they would be bi in that instance. I don't experience romantic attraction towards men, but I do to women and nonbinary people, therefore I am biromantic [arospec as well but if I boil it down to the basics i'm biro]. I do experience sexual attraction towards all genders so functionally I'm pansexual but identify as bisexual because, well, mostly because of the colors and puns. regardless, despite my total lack of romantic attraction towards men, I am not a bisexual homoromantic, or "bi lesbian", because of my romantic attraction towards nonbinary people. the same goes in reverse as well. many self identified lesbians still will date and fuck dfab nonbinary people despite the total oxymoron. you're not a lesbian you're bi. that's how words work. it's not policing identity, just linguistics.

"but what about nonbinary lesbians???"

ok well if they count and attraction is based on attraction to women regardless of one's own gender... the only thing ensuring that there are no male lesbians (besides lesbians who use he/him) pronouns is the fact that straight men are not queer whereas nonbinary people are queer (since nonbinary people are trans and that's the T in LGBT which is synonymous with the queer community, 12 year old discourse idiots shut the fuck up) and lesbianism is intrinsically queer. also shut up terfs, trans women are not me and trans men are not women. I'll remove your spleens if you say one word. anyway NB lesbians are valid.

although if NB lesbians are valid, and nonbinary people who date women are still lesbians, and if the women who date them are still lesbians, then lesbian DOESNT just mean homosexual homoromantic, and aro/ace lesbians are still valid, and lesbians can be on a split attraction model which can include more than one gender in either their romantic or sexual orientation, so bi lesbians can theoretically technically still be a thing, so this whole fucking discourse is so goddamn stupid and pointless, and everyone needs to shut the fuck up forever about it. like holy shit there better be some legitimate logic justifying this discourse's existence because I'm done.