#am i allowed to voice my honest opinions on the internet? yeah

[jewishcissiekj]

incidentally came across a Mike Chen tweet and decided to search up Asajj tweets on his twitter. which was a mistake because that man is doing nothing but pissing me off and his Asajj takes are infuriating and I most of all despise his take on Tartakovsky Clone Wars Asajj and Anakin Yavin 4 fight

is he like. stupid. did he even watch the show. I don't get it

[loveless-scribes]

Uchiha Itachi: NSFW Alphabet

So, it has come to my attention that Itachi of the Uchiha has been done a disservice in the eyes of the internet and been called terrible names. *COUGH* vanilla *COUGH* basic *HACK* I assure you, my friends, nothing could be further from the truth! And so, I present to you, my interpretation of the one and only. Enjoy.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Aftercare is not optional. It is just as much a part of the experience as foreplay and the actual sex. 

Will he clean you up? Not religiously, like it’s something he’ll do every time, but yes, he would. If you’re still feeling tired or lingering in bed by the time he’s gotten cleaned up, he wouldn’t think twice and just take care of you as well. If you mention that you think it’s sweet or you enjoy it, then… YES, he would absolutely start doing this religiously. 

Expect hairstroking and holding you to his chest, letting you listen to his heartbeat. If you want to share your 4 AM thoughts here, he’ll be down for it and let you know what he thinks about your ideas. After you’ve fallen asleep he will stay awake sorting through his thoughts, over what it means to have you by his side and the risks involved for you. This is pretty much the only time in the day that it’s safe to be vulnerable with his thoughts and so, this is where he will think about what you mean to him, and press a kiss to your forehead before finally going to sleep himself. 

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Eyes, definitely. The eyes are known to be the windows to the heart and his own eyes define so much of his life and his destiny, so yes, he could stare into his partner’s eyes for an almost uncomfortably long time, drinking them in. I can’t really say he’s a butt or boobs guy cuz that’s not how his mind is wired. He’s wired to be mission-oriented and there’s no room in his mind for distractions but on his S/O he would appreciate and worship every inch of her. 

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Um… breeding kink, anyone? Defo see him as having one. Is this an underlying psychological thing because he was deprived of having a normal family? At the same time, though, he’s in no rush to have children of his own, because he knows what a terrible place this world can be. But the desire to spill his seed deep into his S/O’s womb is deeply ingrained. Modern birth-control would really solve this problem. 

Also, swallowing. *COUGH* If someone does this for him it will go straight to his head. Prepare to be rewarded. 

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Hmm… I almost feel guilty about characterizing him like this, but I could see him somewhere deep down having a desire to have his partner submit to him? Not in the sense that he would ask for that, but if he had a wet dream about his S/O she would probably be on her knees, and he would feel guilty about it the next day and be a little sweeter than usual to her. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Okay! So, this is an unpopular opinion, but I don’t think Itachi is inexperienced! Even if we take Canon!Ita (but maybe age him up a little) I feel like there could be situations, mission-related, or pursued by women he objectively finds appealing, where saying no is just more inconvenient than going along with it. Especially if it’s for the sake of a mission, he wouldn’t think twice. Or if he does it in order to not blow his cover. While he does largely turn admirers away, more for their own good and because he’s generally not interested, I do believe he could have realistically encountered situations in his travels that led to sexual encounters. He hasn’t taken a vow of chastity, so I don’t see why he should go to unreasonable lengths to say no?

So yeah, in my mind he definitely has some experience, but not a whole lot. Obviously, he takes necessary precautions to ensure those brief dalliances stay just that. 

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Hahahaha, so I had to do some research to find out what this position is called. The Mastery? Basically, it’s woman on top but the couple is in a seated position. Meaning, he gets to look into your eyes and just basically, the heightened intimacy and closeness of this position are what does it for him. Also, he has more control than in the normal girl-on-top position, so he can control the pace somewhat and help you out. 

But if you’re tired, he’ll pick you up and flip positions, he won’t wait for you to admit you’re tired and he won’t listen to your protests. He wants to see you out of your mind in ecstasy, not wondering whether or not you’re too tired to continue. 

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Alright, so it’s Itachi, right? He isn’t very jokey. That just is what it is. He might do something unintentionally that might make you giggle, or you could laugh out of nervousness and while he very much enjoys that sound he doesn’t really know how to provoke it from you. It’s just not his area of expertise. (Sorry, Ita. Couldn’t give you this one.)

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Hmm… well, Itachi definitely is clean by nature, and is definitely well-groomed and particular in all aspects of his life, so… I’m going to go with trimmed. Neat and orderly. Just like everything else about him. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

I lowkey just want to link my oneshots to this, cuz they say it all, but alright! He will want to be connected to his S/O. That means either being able to see her face, or if the position doesn’t allow for it to hear her voice the entire time. He’s good at that. He’s so sweet and considerate and perceptive. He knows what’s working for you and what isn’t even without you saying a word, He may not have a whole lot of experience, but he has an innate talent (because doesn’t he just… with everything?) and he’s an exceptionally quick learner. He will legit ruin you for anyone else because if you ever ARE with anyone else and they snap at you, “What do you think I am, a mind reader?” You’ll realize what Itachi was doing.

So, yeah. He wants to make sure you’re into it and you’re taken care of and you’re near delirious with pleasure before he decides to let go himself. Being self-sacrificial and caring for others is in his nature. So, yeah, you really need to man up and figure out what he needs because he isn’t going to tell you. But you’re smart. You’ll work it out. (OR JUST READ THE REST OF THIS ALPHABET.)

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Sorry, no. Don’t see him doing this. You have to consider how disciplined the guy is, and how insanely busy. It really is kind of a waste of time at the end of the day and if he wants it that badly, he can just make the trip to see you. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Teasing, edging, getting you to beg. He feels bad for you, he really does. But how much more can you take? You won’t know until you know. He’ll reward you for your patience though. And let’s be honest, you’ll love it, teasing and all. Not to mention mindfucking you to oblivion.  

So, I went through an alleged “complete” list of 239 kinks to try and answer this question and most of it was just… weird. So, let’s do this differently. What follows is an incomplete list of things I could potentially see him being into or good at or have an interest in. In no particular order: mirrors, sub/dom play (with a little coaxing and admitting to himself that this is even a thing that he’s into. It would absolutely be limited to the bedroom, though), sensory deprivation, and.... bear with me here, but… I could see him having a hand for Shibari. THINK ABOUT IT. Those knots and things they learned to tie in the ninja academy? And we know Itachi is the best of the best in everything he does. So, I don’t think this is beyond the realm of possibility. 

Generally speaking, though, he just doesn’t have the time for this stuff. BUT IF HE DID…

And now, this is exclusive to AM!Ita but he most likely has a praise kink. Being hated and cursed for eons, and being disillusioned with his own role, if his S/O comes in and tells him how great he is, how handsome, how wonderful. How good he is at what he does. How wonderful he makes her feel. Mmmm. I can see that doing things to him. XD

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Ideally, in a lake or a river. Outdoor bathing spaces are generally approached with caution, so even if someone were to come by they would call out and make sure no one is there first, which means, less risk of getting caught. And I mean, this is Itachi… He’s an S-rank exiled nin. HE KNOWS HOW TO NOT GET CAUGHT. LOL. But yeah, he spends a lot of time out-of-doors. He’s more accustomed to the starry sky overhead than the roof of a house or woodland cabin. In my interpretation, he feels very much at peace when surrounded by nature and he would enjoy being intimate with you in that setting. 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Confidence. Enthusiasm. Not necessarily seduction, if it’s a stranger he’s dealing with, this is more of a turn-off than anything. But if it’s his S/O and she turns up the charm and crooks a finger at him… You might even get a smile on that stoic face. I don’t see him being into the shy and stuttering type. If you blush and say, “No! St- stop!” He’ll literally stop. And probably apologize. AND NOT DO IT AGAIN.

If you try and explain to him that your no doesn’t mean no… Ah, yeah. He’s not into that. Be straightforward. Say what you mean. Don’t play games with him. He’ll see right through you. 

That being said, being a lonely fighter all his life means he’s very sensitive to your touch. Just run a hand along his shoulder in passing and he’ll grab it and press a kiss to your palm, and haul you in. I could see him being into your hands. It really isn’t hard to turn him on, it’s hard to earn his trust and a position in his life that gives you the right to touch him and be touched by him. But when you’re there, it’s the easiest thing in the world. A smile, a kiss, a brush of your fingers over his collarbones. He’s a goner. 

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Pegging. This goes without saying. I can’t really think of much else he wouldn’t be into. I mean, stuff that’s a little more out there. Watersports. Daddy/Mommy kinks. Actual exhibitionism, (not genjutsu version) no way is he going to let anyone look in on your most intimate moments. Impact play. He knows very well what his hands are capable of, and there’s a lot of blood on them, so he really wouldn’t be into stuff that involves actually hurting you. 

If his S/O likes it VERY rough, he might resort to genjutsu so that she gets what she wants, but he doesn’t have to actually hurt her. Other than that, bruising, choking, the usual level of roughness? Bring it on. Being adept with his hands also means he knows very well where that fine line between pain and pleasure is. 

Not to mention, he’s very perceptive, so he’ll figure out what you’re into even without you saying it. He’s also very giving so he’ll focus more on your preferences than his own. But if the day ever comes where you realize what submission does to him… The man would be putty in your hands. Kukukukuku...

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Both. 

Giving, because he has absolute control over your pleasure, and because he enjoys how easily he can drive you out of your mind. We’ve established that he’s a terrible tease, so driving you to the brink and leaving you hanging, feeling every single one of your reactions… It’s good stuff. 

Receiving takes the cake though. Being that vulnerable with someone, even having someone he can trust that much. It’s definitely something he’s very partial to, something that makes him soft towards you, and something that plays into his forbidden desire of seeing you submit, whether or not he’s aware of it. He’ll make sure to return the favor tenfold.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

This is an odd question I think, because… doesn’t it depend? On how much time he has, on how the two of you are feeling, on what the mood is? 

Anyways, I’m going to go ahead and say slow and sensual because he really is a man who likes to take his time with you. He likes to feel every one of your responses, hear every little mewl and whimper and moan that crosses your lips. He definitely makes it an experience. 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Not his preference, but he isn’t above having a quickie if that’s all that time allows. But he would definitely follow up with a proper session at a later time, then. 

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Itachi is so nice. He really is. There’s nothing you could want that he wouldn’t be willing to try at least once for your sake. I mean, apart from the stuff listed under “N”. 

And would he take risks? YES, HE WOULD. Because his assessment of the risks varies greatly from yours. So, something that you would think is very risky, might seem not risky at all to him, because he knows exactly how to go unseen, unnoticed. You might think he’s being risky, but he’s well aware there was a 0% chance you were going to get caught. Because Itachi skillz.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Stamina! *insert sparkles* AM!Ita has been established in the works, so I think that needs no comment. Canon!Itachi is a freaking fighter. An S-class exiled nin. Someone who claims Itachi has no stamina wants to start something with me. DID YOU SEE HIM HAND SASUKE’S ASS TO HIM? Despite his illness? He lost because he CHOSE to lose. I don’t see the Akatsuki hauling out a wheelchair for Itachi to go on his missions, so don’t go telling me nothing about Itachi having no stamina. SHAKE MY HEAD WHILE JUDGING YOU.

Dude is strong as hell. And you can’t tell me some bedroom fun is more physically taxing than literal superhuman battles against huge ass tailed beasts! It’s just ridiculous. I’m not here to rant. Better calm down.

I’m here to tell you our man can go for at least three rounds and you will *GUARANTEED* always tire out before he does. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Yes. The sharingan. THE ONLY TOY YOU WILL EVER NEED. As mentioned above, he’s not above using his skills to heighten your pleasure, and mess with your mind. But actual, physical toys? Nah, the thought processes that would lead to considering, comparing, and actually purchasing those are just so foreign to his thinking. It would never even cross his mind. What can a toy even do that he can’t do better? (To his thinking anyway. Well, he’s not wrong.)

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He will make you beg. Absolutely. He’s totally unfair. He will have casual conversations with you while driving you out of your wits. And then he’ll ask you why you’re not answering him. Ask you what’s wrong. Ask you what you want. LIKE HE DOESN’T KNOW. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Itachi is very restrained and disciplined so, unfortunately, this means he isn’t very vocal. I know, cry with me, it’s such a waste. *hires an orchestra of the world’s smallest violins* BUT that means when you do manage to make him groan or moan in pleasure, it’s such a huge ego boost. Apart from the sounds he makes when hitting a climax, he’s generally in control and whispering praise and teasings into your ear or over your skin.

If you want him to talk, get on your knees and give him some head. Not kidding. Mentioned it above already. He gets to let go, a lot of his secret kinks are getting fulfilled, he feels vulnerable and is cool with it. He’ll dig his hands into your hair, cup your cheek, his eyes will roll into the back of his head and he’ll tell you on a low moan what a good girl you are. 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

So, let’s say you’re waiting to talk to him and he’s busy meeting with some people or whatever and you’re standing off to the side patiently. He just briefly glances at you before turning back to his comrades and BOOM. Next thing you know, he’s got you by the neck, has you pinned against his desk/table/whatever (this was originally a Hokage!Ita headcanon so do with that what you will), and is doing unspeakable things to you in front of everyone. No sooner does the encounter come to an end, than you suddenly wake up and find yourself still standing right where you were, until it happens again, and this time he takes you against the wall. It’s an illusion wrapped in an illusion wrapped in an illusion more times than you can count and when you finally do come to your senses, you can barely stand. The meeting is over. Itachi turns toward you, “You wanted to speak with me?”

Ah, yes. Good old Itachi mindfuckery.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

I mean, muscles, yes? Lots of them. Man’s fit as a fiddle. He’s a ninja. So, yes, the entire delicious length of him is covered in lean, firm muscle. He’s clearly well-endowed because… he just is. Maybe not the longest cucumber in the farmer’s market (which isn’t to say he isn’t long, because he is… don’t claim I called him short) but thick and veiny and above all else, attached to a man with a brain who knows how to use it efficiently. Thank you for coming to my TEDtalk.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

This is a tough one, because the constraints are not on his drive, but on his time. He’ll take whatever chances he can to be with you. AM!Ita is established to have a very high sex drive, but he also has restraint, so when you’re not into it, he’s cool with it. As if that would ever happen. So, I would have to say, the actual encounters will unfortunately be far between because of his lifestyle, but he will always make up for lost time.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Kind of already mentioned this above, that those moments afterwards with you are his most vulnerable moments where he feels relatively safe and at ease, so he stays awake for a long time after, sorting through his thoughts. Also, he won’t say this to you, but it’s his job to protect you, so there is no way he’ll fall asleep before you do. Not gonna happen.

[thepigeonsopinion]

So, "Hack San" was released...

The episode "Hack San" has finally been released and here I am now, about to go on and on about the episode :) But first let's do a small summary or synopsis of the episode!

Warning: Spoilers to the episode "Hack San"

Summary:

The episode starts off with Marinette trying to make up excuses to stay in Paris/home, instead of going to London to visit her Aunt. So far, all of her attempts have been failures. Marinette then has no choice but to leave Paris with her family. Meanwhile, Gabriel or Shadowmoth creates a new sentimonster with the name of Hack San, which is a virus that allows for Markov to be vulnerable to an akuma. Then, Marinette contacts Alya to meet her at the train station before she is to leave. Marinette gives Alya the Ladybug miraculous trusting her to protect Paris while she is gone. Alya has a chat with the kwami's, Tikki and Trixx, in which they tell her the ups and downs of being the holder of the Ladybug miraculous and the guardian of the miracle box. Alya returns to the park that she was hanging out at before Marinette contacted her. At the park, Alya starts to fuss over everyone's emotions, mainly if they are feeling any negative emotions. Meanwhile, Markov is effected by the virus and is akumatized by Shadowmoth and becomes Robustus. Robustus then (through the internet) takes control of people and orders them to give him their most prized possessions. While on the train, Marinette's parents are affected by Robustus, which leads to Marinette being captured by Robustus. It is then Alya's responsibility to protect Paris. Alya transforms into her version of Ladybug, and while she is trying to find her new super hero name she is met with Chat Noir. Chat Noir does not immediately trusts the new super heroine and suspects they are the villain. However, this distrust is cut short because of the akuma Robustus still being at large. Robustus orders everyone to capture Ladybug and Chat Noir. The super heroes hear a person crying for help and while Chat Noir is at first suspicious, Alya heads straight to where the civilian's voice was heard. This turns out to be a trap and the super heroes are forced to run into a building where they are also trapped by Robustus. Alya summons her Lucky Charm to aid her in this situation. Alya or Scarabella receives a frying pan. This leads her to think of a plan to manipulate Robustus to release the people's possessions in exchange for both her and Chat Noir. Robustus agrees to this and releases all of the objects and among those objects is Marinette who catches on quickly to the plan and uses the frying pan to release the akuma. The super heroes are released as well and Alya uses her Miraculous Ladybug. And as always, Paris is saved once again. A few days later, Marinette and her family are back from her trip and Alya suggest Marinette/Ladybug go talk to Chat Noir, and she does. Ladybug and Chat Noir have a talk about how someone knows about Ladybug's secret identity and Chat's new found fear that Ladybug might not be there anymore, in which Ladybug gives him the reassurance that she won't be going anywhere. And, the episode ends.

Yay! Another very detailed and unnecessary summary of the episode! Welp! It's too late now. :|

Anyway! Now onto my opinion or thoughts on the episode!

(Also I'm re-watching the episode as I do this so this might have some unnecessary details. Anyway, carry on!)

First things first the, I know that Marinette is trying to get out of going to London and staying in Paris, but I swear her excuses are getting weaker. I swear she had better excuses in the earlier seasons or is it just me? Not to mention, since Marinette is so desperate to stay in Paris she purposefully trips down the stairs. Damn the dedication and I mean, I know that Marinette needs to stay in Paris just in case, but she has left Paris like three times now, you would think that she would have a backup plan if anything happened in Paris when she wasn't there (and I'll talk about one of her solutions later on *cough cough Scarabella cough cough*). Also, Tom's desperation and persistence for Marinette to come on the trip is kinda amusing. And the not so subtle jabs at the aunt :0

Moving on! Ummm Nooroo and Dusuu you know that Gabriel is RIGHT there right? I mean he could probably hear what your saying. Also, Gabriel are you just deaf or did you not just hear what they said? Because their right behind you. When Shadowmoth made Hack San, was the weird "Haah" sound really necessary? Also, why does the virus, USB thingy low key look like Nino's shirt logo. Are they somehow connected? Or did they just run out of ideas for the design? (Not me being salty over a sentimonsters design) Why the fuck is this robot doing like three things at the same time? I know that he's a robot, but come on.

Hmmmm. No other option you say? What about bringing the Horse miraculous with you like in Startrain? Or use the cosmic suits that can legit let you fly around the world? Come on, let's be honest here giving Alya the Ladybug miraclulous wasn't the ONLY option. Claps to Alya for doing a fake doubting act, but in reality just trying to think of a new superhero name. You almost got me there Astruc, you almost made me thought that Alya had her doubts about taking over for Marinette, but in reality is just super excited to take over. Props to you my dude, props! Also, I'm not going to lie Alya all of your name ideas are kinda weak, I mean the fandom has better name ideas than you do, but then again that is to be expected. Props to the kwamis for putting all the pressure that Marinette has on her back and transferring it to Alya. Thank you for making Alya aware of all the pressure Marinette's under. Even if Alya's probably not going to bring it up and probably will just brush it off. Yes, Alya just keep telling your self that this weekend is going to be totally chill. Not to mention, Tikki being more supportive to Alya than to Marinette, whaaaaaaaaaaa- :0. Alya you just told yourself that this weekend was going to be chill why the heck are you making your life harder for yourself. To be honest, if your acting like this already you deserve whatever is coming for you. Marinette, honey, why the fuck do you need to right down 675 tips for Alya? I mean I get 33 tips even 40, but 675, really? Not to mention, the tip about laughing at Chat Noir's jokes even if they aren't funny just to make him happy, why the fuck do you need to keep him happy he could be mad, upset, or sad and I wouldn't give a fuck :p.

I will say this again, how the fuck does a multi-intelligent robot that is connected the world wide web, that is also doing at least 4 things at the same time get tempted and corrupted by a virus by clicking on a cute kitty cat ad. HOW!?! EXPLAIN THAT TO ME!?!

Okay, so remember when we thought we were actually going to get a canon Marcenial moment. Hahaha welp Astruc you've done it again you have crushed our shipping dreams again. I hope your proud of yourself. Also, the most precious possession to Marc is his and Nathaniel's manga/comic, really?

Damn the amount of times this girl makes us and Trixx second guess that she's doubting herself, like she's done it three times now. Not to mention, why is her ladybug suit more detailed than Marinette's hmmm? I mean, don't get me wrong I like the design, but why can't Marinette have a detailed suit like this? Also why is Alya acting like The Owl? *Hoot Hoot!* I also just realised that the kwamis are a bit territorial, well not Tikki, but Plagg and Trixx have proven themselves to be a bit territorial of their holders.

I love Chat Noir's distrust to Alya as Ladybug because this shows a different side of Chat Noir that Paris doesn't see, but does Alya see this and realize how much of a ass he is? Nope. Also, not going to lie, his distrust kinda amuses me. Carrying on! Chat Noir, I can hear the toxic jealousy from here my dude, you might want to tone it down a bit, you've got a audience here you know. You know, I was expecting him to say his most prized possession was Ladybug, or even his kwami, Plagg, but I wasn't expecting him to say croquettes. OMG! GUYS! IT'S HAPPENING! CHAT IS FINALLY BEING CAUTIOUS FOR ONCE INSTEAD OF IMMEDIATELY JUMPING INTO TROUBLE!!! Also, Chat Noir being responsible whaaaaaaa- :0. Ummm, why the fuck did they just run into a building, when they legit could've jumped out of that mess, like seriously why isn't anyone using their head today?

Moving on! Why the heck is most of this episode just Alya trying to think of a super hero name like seriously, I know it's supposed to be some kinda of gag, but it's starting to get a bit annoying. Chat Noir being supportive to Alya: *slow clap*. When Alya's whole plan is to just to leave everything up to Marinette, Me: Wow! I TOtAlLy didn't see that coming! Hehehe Chat Noir with a pot over his head. You know, I thought upset Chat Noir was enough for this episode, but now we get sad Chat Noir and Ladybug reassuring him, just wow, you have out done yourself Astruc.

AND! That's that end of the episode! So all in all, this episode wasn't that bad? But it wasn't my favorite (maybe one of my least favorite tbh :0) Mainly, because of the appearance of Scarabella and ladybug catering to Chat Noir needs. This is probably mainly because I'm a bit biased, but in my opinion and I will repeat in MY OPINION I don't think Alya really deserves to get the miraculous. I mean yeah, Marinette has given her trust to her and has told her that she is Ladybug, but has she really done anything to show that she deserves that trust. If I'm being honest she has shown more reasons for Marinette not to trust her. One of the reasons being that Alya doesn't fully trust Marinette herself, and the other being that she disobeyed Marinette by telling Nino that she is still Rena Rouge and not telling her that she did so.

Anyway! Those are most of my thought's on this episode. This has been a loooong week for me with the addition of school now. So expect me to be posting more on the weekends than on weekdays.

Anywho! I hope everyone has a great rest of their day. And always remember...

But that's just my opinion (・ε・)

(This week has been soooo tiring and with the edition of this episode and a sneak peek of a new episode coming up, I know it's only beginning. *smiles through the pain :)*)

[xxmiizcornerxx]

Darker the Berry (POC! Reader x Aizawa)

A/N: Okay so heres the late story I’ve promised! Sorry for the delay, my internet has been booty buttcheek and my only source of comfort has been Mario Kart 8 deluxe and my Soundcloud listening history 😣 ANYWHO~ This story is on the issues(insecurities) of colorisim. And this is for my insecure baes out there that just needs some love🥰So enjoy! (And hopefully my internet doesnt give out once im done (┬┬﹏┬┬).....)

A/N: Oh! Another side note, this is in Aizawa’s POV for the most part!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘Oh for fucks sake. This is just embarrassing.’ 

Thought Aizawa Shota, aka Eraserhead, a somewhat well known hero. At least till another well known pro hero comes around. Anyways, it was late at night and Aizawa was at a small restaurant waiting for his date to come. But by the looks of it, he probably just got stood up. Recently he has been trying to “get back out there” to not only have his comrades off his back but also because he was becoming lonely. He wanted that emotional support from someone other than his students, family and friends. Someone he could come home to every night to ramble about absolutely nothing or about everything going on in his world. And sure he had his best friend and his cat to talk to, but its not the same. He wanted that somewhat perfect love he sees everywhere he turns. 

 With a tired sighed, he was getting ready to leave but all of a sudden he could hear an all too annoying familiar voice. Even without his quirk, Hizashi Yamada is the loudest man on God’s given green earth. “HEY SHOTA!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!” He asked loudly making the people in the restaurant jump but Aizawa was accustomed to it.

“OOH! ARE YOU HAVING A DAT-?!” Aizawa instantly covered his mouth annoyed, “How about you shut up? Anyways yeah but I was just getting ready to-” he was cut off when a 5′8 dark skinned woman with the most beautiful set of dark eyes that was barely covered by the few dreadlocks that poked out of her high bun. She was dressed in light shades of grey and white that made her skin pop out. She was truly what they called a goddess among men. “I am so sorry I’m late! I got so busy with work, I lost track of the time and decided to come straight here.” the woman rambled not fully realizing that Aizawa was too busy silently thanking whatever deity that was here for not only sending Hizashi for stopping him from walking out that door but also blessing him with the most gorgeous person he’s ever seen. 

“It’s alright. My colleague here just stopped me from leaving.” He stated in his usual monotoned voice removing his hand from his friend’s mouth and sending him a look that said ‘ If you say or do something to ruin this for me, I will personally rip your vocal cords out.’, thankfully Hizashi got the memo nodding in slight fear. “Indeed I have! And now that you’re here miss, I can get what I’ve came here for and leave. Have a goodnight you two!” he stated as quietly as he can possibly get and left. “Sorry about my loud, somewhat obnoxious colleague. Here let me get your coat.” Aizawa said gently taking the woman’s coat setting it on the back of her chair. “Oh its alright, I have also been ‘plagued’ of having a very, very loud best friend. But you learn to get used to it.” she joked a bit taking her seat which only left the hero himself to take a seat. “I see. Well I don’t think we’ve properly introduced ourselves. I am Aizawa Shota, an absolute pleasure to meet you.” He said with a tiny little smile. “It’s wonderful to meet you, Aizawa. I am Y/N L/N.” she returned the smile flashing her pearly whites a bit. And with that led the beginning of a great date. The night was filled with a few laughs, a few stories about their past as children and teenage years.

Soon the two were at a park, the air was brisk and cold. The moon, stars, and streetlights illuminating their path and a small light drizzle of snow softly falling from up above. It was like a seen from a Hallmark Christmas movie, just absolutely perfect. Aizawa and Y/N were getting along great and were sitting on a bench somewhat snuggled up against one another but not quite because personal space still exists. Currently the topic of conversation landed on insecurities. Aizawa admitted to Y/N about how he felt about his own unkept look and how it took a lot of faith for him to even go out tonight. “That’s reasonable.” said Y/N, “But just in my own opinion, that unkept look is your own. Not many people can pull it off and still look as handsome.” she chuckled giving him a soft nudge of her elbow to the barely blushing man. “Well what about you? What are your insecurities?” Aizawa was genuinely curious about what she could possibly be insecure about. She was practically perfect in all aspects; has a good sense of humor, an amazing sense of style, very well educated, has more confidence than anyone he knows, and to top it all off, just carries herself respectably.

Y/N bit her thumb a bit nervous, for what she was about to reveal is going to be silly or at least that's what she thought. “Well. The thing I am most insecure about is my....complexion. As you can clearly tell I am not in anyway light skinned or even milk chocolate. And I know it is silly to be insecure about but from where I come from looking like me is a target in more aspects than one. To some being dark skinned has even been turned into a personality trait.” Without even noticing, Y/N ended on an entire rant about how her skin was and still is a target for ‘dark as night’ jokes or the ‘loud mouth, ratchet, Hot Cheetos’ girl. How people within her own community would just assume that she (and many others) fought or was angry all the time or lived in a really bad area where there was a lot of sun. Or the worst of things, that if she was a slave back then she’d be in the cotton fields. Every time she was told that or something similar, Y/N’s self-esteem would just crumble entirely. It made her feel unwanted, unloved, unnoticed, and just down right ugly. By the end of her little rant, she found herself trying hard not to cry in front of Aizawa. She didn’t really intend to just lay it all out there on the table for him, but maybe it was for the best. If they were going to continue dating then it was best for her to lay out all of the cards on the table and show him what he’s getting into.

“Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to make everything so gloomy with my little insecurity reveal.” she said giving an awkward smile to the now stunned man. He personally didn’t understand how anyone could be cruel to their own people, let alone for how they looked. It was foolish and childish to say the least. But he was more than proud of Y/N for being able to overcome it all. “Well I’ll be honest here. I won’t pretend that I have any form of resemblance of what you must’ve gone through over the years simply because of your skin color, but I will tell you now. Your skin is beautiful and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I am willing to learn about the struggles you face and if fate allows it I’d love to be by your side as I do.” He said in a serious tone, gazing into her eyes and gently taking one of her hands bringing it to her lips planting a soft kiss upon her knuckles. “All those people in the past or in the now that has anything to say about your skin in a negative light are simple minded nincompoops' that have yet to be enlightened. After all, don’t they know?” he asked tucking a dread behind her pierced ear. “Know what exactly?” she asked with the most brightest smile that night. “Don’t they know that the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice?” That alone made Y/N laugh but Aizawa was being serious. “Boy, don’t do that. Plus how would you know?” she asked as her accent came out a little. “Well I don’t. But why don’t we find out?~” he asked teasingly leaning into her ear.

Needless to say.....

Best. 

First Date.

 Ever.

[holyfuckthisfishcandrive]

Professors and Shortbread

First, Previous (Chap. 18), Ao3

Word count: 2186

Warnings: smoking, swearing, bones (talked about)

Roman woke up to someone violently shaking him.

"Wake up," Remus hissed. "Wake up, wake up, wake up, asshole!"

"What is it?" Roman grumbled, trying to shake Remus' hand off. "Fuck, Remus, it's like three am! We have school tomorrow, you fucking dick."

"Roman, I just realized something! Stop hitting me, this is important!"

Roman groaned and finally sat up.

"What is so important that you have to wake me up at three am on a school night?"

"It's more like four am, but that's beside the point," Remus waved off. "I just realized that Professor Logic is really fucking stupid."

Roman blinked at him exasperatedly.

"Okay," he said after a moment. "Mind if I go back to sleep now?"

"No, this is important! When I called him Mr Logic he complained, saying that he didn't go to school for years to get called Mister. If that's true that would mean that he's actually a Professor!" Remus whisper yelled.

Roman glanced from one side to the other than back to Remus.

"Yeah?"

"There can't be that many Professors in this city right? Especially not that many young, male, tall ones!"

Finally, it dawned on Roman what Remus was saying.

"So... we can try to find out his civilian identity," he mumbled and a wide grin spread over Remus' face.

"Exactly!"

---

Usually, Roman stuck around after rehearsal for a little while, chatted with the other members of the drama club or helped out with something while Remus goofed around with his friends in the club but on this Wednesday he and Remus grabbed their bags as soon as the bell rung and were the first ones out of the door.

They all but ran out all the way back home, almost getting hit by a taxi and earning a few looks and glares on the way.

The elevator ride was way too long in Roman's opinion.

They dropped their bags in their rooms,  Remus got the list he had created of all Professors whose addresses he could find in the phone book or on the internet and Roman put on his 'good kid' mask to ask Ma for a little money, pretending that it was just for him. She gave him a fifty-dollar bill. The money was for the subway and a quick lunch on the go and Roman was pretty sure that it was way more than they would need but better safe than sorry. He wasn't sure how much fast food would cost.

And just a few minutes after they had come home they were already on their way out again.

Most Professors lived downtown or at least near downtown so they first took a train downtown and went to a small Chinese place for lunch (which was a lot cheaper than Roman had expected).

Remus pulled out a map and they began marking down the addresses to see which route would be the best. Roman doubted they could check out all of them in one day but they would do their best  either way.

33 Professors was a lot for one city but Remus guessed it made sense since apparently here in downtown housing was cheap and the university was very close.

The first name on their list was Professor Jacobs.

They sauntered through the streets, using their map as a guide.

The house they ended up in front of was a trashy apartment building with at least five notes at the doorbell signs saying that the bells didn't work.

Roman pressed the Professors bell and turned to Remus.

"I'll do the talking, okay? Cause if we do find Logic I don't want you blurting out the actual we're here."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine. Sorry, I'm honest."

He didn't really mean it, well aware of how many times he had gotten on trouble for blurting out the truth without thinking.

The door buzzed and the pushed it open.

"Who's there?" an old-sounding voice called and as he looked up through the stairs Remus spotted a man that looked like one of those fivehundred-year-old turtles trying to look down.

"We have the pizza you ordered," Roman called back.

"I didn't order any pizza!"

"Are you sure- Oh, my mistake, sir! I misread the name! I'm terribly sorry, have a nice day!" Roman did his typical Prince Charming smile even though the man couldn't see - It was simply part of the performance - and pushed Remus back out of the door. As soon as it fell shut the smile fell again.

"If that was Logic I'm eating Ma's hats," Remus said.

Roman snorted and Remus' grin widened at the real smile on his brother's face. They were too rare.

"Okay, who's next on the list?" Roman said and Remus crossed Professor Jacobs off.

The next door they rang at was opened by a young woman named Professor Jain who looked like the living embodiment of the muddle-headed professor cliche. Roman asked which apartment someone they had seen on the bell sign an L. Williams lived in, claiming they had found their purse and awkwardly thanked her when she didn't know. Remus glanced at the door across from Prof Jain's that clearly said Williams and tried not to laugh out loud.

They visited Professor Davis and Professor Brown, Professor Price and Morgan and Professor Underweather.

Too old, too fat, too much boob, too brown, too short.

It was around seven pm now and they had had seven flukes which somehow was both too much (because why couldn't they just fucking find that asshole? Remus lit a cigarette in frustration) and too little (because how could they only have stopped by seven people so far? It was already getting too late, goddammit).

"Let's do one more and then go home," Roman yawned.

"So whose last for today?" Remus asked glancing at the list Roman was currently holding.

"Some Professor Youngblood. About as weird a name as Underweather. Good news: it's just a block away."

They walked down the street and Remus watched the smoke from his cig curl and fade into the evening sky. A few times he tried to make rings but he still couldn't figure out how to. Maybe that was just a cartoon thing though he could have sworn to have seen it in live-action movies too. Were there YouTube tutorials on this kind of stuff?

"Here it is," Roman said and Remus blinked back to reality.

They stood in front of a simple townhouse. The most notable thing was the flower bouquet visible in one of the windows that looked like something Patton would make.

"Let's give it a shot," Remus said dropped his cig and extinguished it with his shoe.

They walked up the three steps to the front door and Roman rung the doorbell. It was only one with two names. Youngblood and Youngblood-Smith.

Probably a marriage, Remus thought with distaste and prepared himself for some old dick to open up.

The door swung open and to Remus' surprise, it was a teenager probably even younger than them who leaned against the doorframe and glared at them. His eyeliner was sharper and neater than Remus would be able to make it in a thousand years and his lips were painted in a nice shade of dark purple. Maybe Remus should ask him what brand it was. It looked awesome.

"What do you want?" the boy asked with a scowl.

Remus waited for Roman to answer with some kind of excuse or something.

Roman remained silent.

The boy's glare became darker with every passing moment.

At this rate, he probably wouldn't tell Remus what lipstick he was using.

Annoyed Remus glanced over at Roman to see what the fuck was keeping him from saying anything.

The look on Roman's face almost made him gag.

Roman stared at the boy in front of them like he was the most incredible thing in the world. Like he had put the stars in the sky or was made from pure moonlight or some stupid shit like that. He stared at him as he stared into the air when he had some stupid crush or played some lovestruck idiot. He stared like he was going to start waxing poetry at any second now.

Remus doubted he had even heard the boy speak at all.

So he would have to take the situation into his own hands.

"You don't happen to be Professor Youngblood, do you?" Remus asked.

The boy raised an eyebrow.

"Do I look like I'm a fucking Professor? I'm his son, dumbass."

"Is he home?"

"No, not at the moment. What do you want from him?"

The he/him pronouns were a good sign so far and Remus couldn't imagine this guy's dad to be a Doderer. The British accent, on the other hand, wasn't a good sign but Logic could probably cover his accent or something if he really wanted to.

Roman also seemed to finally be back on earth and not on cloud nine.

"We're students of his and we have a question about this homework he gave us," he lied before Remus could say anything.

"You are?" the boy raised his other eyebrow.

"Yes, we are. Do you happen to know if he'll be back soon?"

"Not sure," the boy shrugged. "If it's that important you can come in and wait though. I could also offer you some black tea."

"Really? Yeah, er that would be awe- I mean, that would be nice!" Roman agreed.

"What are your names?" the boy asked as he led them inside. He walked past a door that probably went down to a basement and a staircase up into a small living room.

"I'm Roman," Roman said with a small bow - Jesus fucking Christ was he going fucking insane over this guy?

"And I'm Remus. I'm the good-looking twin, obviously."

The Professor's son chuckled, hiding his mouth behind his hand. "Obviously."

"And what's your name?" Roman sounded like he was asking for a precious gift rather than a fucking name.

"It's Virgil. Do you take milk and sugar in your tea?"

"Milk in tea?" Roman asked confused.

"Yeah, sure!" Remus agreed. Maybe the milk would flake as it did in juice.

Virgil came back with two cups and poured them, giving Roman a little bit of milk anyway, saying that it would be way too strong otherwise and he couldn't allow Roman to drink it pure but somehow Roman didn't complain when Virgil stood over him to pour it in. God, he was being fucking gross and sappy.

Virgil picked up his own cup again and offered them some weird cookies he called shortbread even though they didn't taste like bread at all.

Remus dumped two in his tea - which sadly hadn't flaked - and mushed them around with his spoon.

For a few minutes, it was quiet until Remus got bored with the steady clicking of the clock hanging on the wall behind him.

"So, do you like bones?" he blurted out the first question that came to mind.

Roman looked at him with barely concealed horror but Virgil's dark expression lightened up slightly to both of the twins' surprise.

"I do. It's fun to find them and clean them. I have a few in a cupboard in my room I've found in subways and other places over the years."

"Really?" Remus lit up excitedly. "I collect them too! My favourite is a   near-complete snake skeleton with a rat skull stuck inside!"

"Wow! That sounds so cool!" Virgil didn't quite smile but he wasn't scowling anymore either. "I once found a dog jaw in a quite good conditiion. And I have this really nice possum skull."

"Ooh! Can I see them?" Remus asked bouncing slightly in his seat.

"Sure. Wait here, I'll go get them," Virgil stood up and left the room. Remus could hear him walk upstairs.

"He seems nice," he commented.

"He's beautiful," Roman sighed dreamily.

"Yuck."

"You get to rant about sexy people to me, I get to talk about crushes, that's the deal," Roman reminded him.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Fine, sure. But don't be too gross about it."

They heard Virgil come back downstairs.

He showed Remus the bones and gave him some tips when Remus asked how he had gotten them so clean.

"Oh, jeez it's almost eight. We should probably get going," Roman said after a while. "Maybe we'll get to talk to the Professor some other time."

Virgil seemed to study his face for a few moments.

"Yeah, maybe," he finally said and accompanied them to the door.

"Can I have your number?" Remus asked  holding out his phone. "Then I can send you some pics of my bones and stuff!"

"Sure," Virgil took it and typed something in. "Maybe we'll get the chance to talk again sometime."

The door closed behind them and Roman swirled around to face Remus.

"You got his number?!"

"Yeah, duh."

"That's not fair! Why did he give you his number and not me!"

"Well, I didn't drool over him," Remus shrugged.

Roman pouted the entire way to the train station.

Next

Taglist:

@patton-cake

[niall-the-churchboy]

Since We Were Eighteen (pt2)~ Louis Tomlinson

In which she had loved him since they were eighteen, but they are not eighteen anymore.

Warnings: angst and really bad writing

part 1

----------------------------------------

“Y/n! Over here! What’s your opinion on Caroline and Louis getting a divorce?”

“Y/n, are you mad Caroline blamed you for their divorce?”

“Y/n, are you and Louis in a secret relationship?”

“Is it true Louis cheated on Caroline with you?”

Your guards push through the waves of paparazzi leading you to your car, cameras flashing and microphones being stuck out to reach your lips, everyone waiting for your answers. You hung your head low adjusting your sunglasses, your hand shielding you from cameras. You can barely see where you are going. 

“Y/n, Wait!”

You get in the car, sighing as the shouts and questions drown down outside the car’s door, shortly after the car starts disappearing into the distance. “It’s catastrophic”, your manager, Elise, comments. “Well, what do you expect me to do?”, you ask, irritation growing in your voice, “I have nothing to do with this!” 

The last week and a half has been the most stressful one ever in your career. After many rumours and articles, Louis and Caroline had confirmed their divorce after eight months married. People can't stop talking about it, --sure they can’t-- not after the infamous objection that happened during the ceremony.

But you have never heard from Louis personally, he had talked shit --honest shit-- about you in interviews when question of what happened during the wedding. And you had been internet bullied, fans and even celebrities claiming how selfish you had been and what a horrible person you were. 

It had hurt. It had hurt so much that you had honestly doubted if life was really worth living. But after taking some time from the public image to rearrange your thoughts and heal your mental health, you have been able to look into the world with a new perspective. 

Your loyal fans have been great support ever since and you have been able to recover old friendships. Harry has been one --something people can’t stop talking about either. 

“Y/n, just, please think about it”, Elise insists, “I think that if an answer is going to calm things down is really worth it.” You shake your head, why doesn’t she understand? Giving a public opinion would be like a slap in the face towards everything you’ve been trying to fight against.

“I am not doing it and I don’t think I need. It’s not fair for me and I thought that after everything I've been through these last months you understood that I’m trying to have more self-respect for me”, you say with a bitch-face expression. Elise looks a little taken back by what you said, “Okay, yeah. ‘M sorry”, she replies shyly. 

Louis’ and Caroline’s divorce doesn’t involve you, it had never involved you because you haven’t had contact with Louis ever since. And he made it pretty sure he wanted it to stay that way.

(...)

“Harry”, you whimper through the phone, tears streaming down you face and your breathing hitched. The feeling of anxiety rising through your body and the dizziness making you plop on the floor. “I’m assuming you saw the media”, your friend begins with a sigh but when he hears your failed attempts to control your breathing he grows worried, “Y/n, hey. It's okay, breathe with me.”

You try, you really try, but your body just feels weak and you don’t want to fight the feeling anymore. You are tired. And you can’t stop yourself from feeling frustrated-- this is so not fair. 

“Y/n, shit, okay. I’m coming over,” Harry announces ending the call. You hide you face on your knees, tangling your hand through your hair, a knot on your stomach. 

If someone had told you this is what love feels you would have never believed them. But then again, they do say love makes you crazy. Are you going crazy? --It sure as hell feels like it. 

How could he? This is so not right, it doesn’t matter if he has those beautiful ocean eyes and the way his thick accent makes your stomach stir, or how his laugh vibrates and his smile radiates making you forget everything. He’s hurting you. And you can’t seem to shake off the feeling that your (ex)best friend, that someone that had cause happiness in your daily life so many times, or that had been there to wrap his arms around you when you where feeling sad, has suddenly turn into something so bad in your life. 

But was it right now? He had turn against you the day he chose Caroline instead of you, ignoring your attempts at explanations of why you though she hated you. Not rising questions when he saw you crying on the bathroom tile after a snarky comment from her. He had chose her. And even if it had hurt to accept it, you had. The day of the wedding was like a turning page in your life --or so you thought. 

And now you are suddenly his second option? The feeling of replacement --of not being enough-- makes you gag. He shouldn’t be allowed.

“I’m free if she wants”, he had said those words during the interview with such casualty, like it was nothing. Like you are nothing. 

“Y/n?”, the front door to your flat bursts open, Harry stumbling as he enters, out of breath as he kneels to the ground next to you. “‘M sorry”, you mumble with red puffy eyes. “Don’t ever be sorry for feeling bad”, Harry says wrapping both his arms around you and letting you cry as much as you want, “crying always helps.”

Less than a year ago, you would have ran back to Louis arms, pleased that he has chose you and feeling like your life was finally complete. You would have put aside all of the bad moments and feelings he had made you live with, you would have forgiven him unconditionally. And that scares you, you are scared of becoming that old version of you again.

“I’ll get you some tea”, Harry says once your breathing has calmed down, “You go rest on the coach.” You nod, and as you watch Harry’s figure in the kitchen you try to reassure yourself that you won't let yourself down again. Or more like promise. 

(...)

"Y/n...”, your lips slightly part when you see him standing there, waiting for you to invite him in. Your grip on the door handle tightens. What the fuck is he doing here? “Can I please come in?”, Louis asks, his hair slightly messy and his body wrapped in a cozy sweatshirt. You notice that when he talks your stomach doesn’t stir anymore, or that his eyes don’t seem as captivating as they once felt. 

He’s just Louis. 

“What are you doing here?”, you quickly demand trying to show no emotion, “though you wanted to cut all ties with my very embarrassing image.” “Y/n, please. This is not fair”, Louis insists trying to walk inside, you place a sturdy hand on his chest. The touch makes him stop, look at your hand and then back at you as if expecting something, you move your hand back to your side.

“No. ‘This is not fair’”, you say coldly repeating his words, “You don’t get to tell me it's not fair, not after bullying me through the internet, after saying you were embarrassed of me”, your words come out through gritted teeth, “You don’t know shit about fairness”.

You can’t help but feel rage growing inside of you. Why is he all of a sudden at your flat’s doorstep? Saying it's not fair? “Y/n, what did you expect me to do? Everyone was watching my every move.” You feel the urge to slap him across the face, but you just hold the door harder trying to contain yourself.

“I expected you to listen to me! I expected you to understand when I told you years ago that Caroline gave me a bad feeling! I expected for you to listen to me when I tried telling you how she would treat me! I expected a friend!”, You shout. 

“She was my girlfriend! My wife for fuck’s sake!”, he shouts back at you, his voice hoarse and tears beginning to form in his eyes. “And I was your best friend”, you respond coldly, no emotion in your face. 

“I know! Okay? I know”, Louis brings his hands to his face trying to calm himself, “Please, we can start again.” You feel repulse at his words, like you might puke right there on his shoes. 

You shake your head, more to yourself than him, not again. “I have learned to have a little more self-respect for myself. To love me”, you say because at the end of the day, Louis shouldn't complete you. You should. 

“So what now? You suddenly come back to the public image claiming to love yourself and ‘treat people with kindness’? Is that the only things Styles taught you or are your screwing around with him too?”, he barks. You take a step back, but quickly stand firm again.

“Oh my god”, you whisper, “Do you even hear yourself? Louis you are so toxic!” Less than a year ago you wouldn't have noticed, you would have opened the door for him to come in and let him ruin you again. But not anymore. You’re not eighteen anymore, and those two kids that once were great friends are now long gone.

“Y/n, its just-- please”, he insists, “You have loved me since we were eighteen-- I have loved you since we were eighteen!”

“No, Louis. Stop lying to yourself. You’ve never loved me the same way I used to. But that’s okay--it really is”, you say, “Before, I wouldn't have understand it, but now I do. You and me, we were never meant to be. And we’re certainly not eighteen anymore”. Tears fall from his face, sobs escaping his lips, and you feel pity.

“Bye Louis.”

-----------------------------|

I want to take a second to apologise, this is honest shit haha. But I honestly wrote this like seven times.

[halorocks1214]

art comes in many forms

whattup, its ya boi, snatching another #irrelief from @gumnut-logic​‘s challenge because i literally cant write anything else it seems. @eirabach​‘s prompts graced my dash and i was quite fond of “Virgil + Eos + art“ so this is for chu <3

Summary: Virgil wasn’t expecting to give EOS a lesson in human behavior. That’s usually John’s forte, though, he wouldn’t put it past the ginger to sic her on him for this one, the prick.

Virgil was not immune to someone watching him create his works of art.

If he was to be honest with himself, he actually preferred someone in the background as he did so. It gave him a sense of grounding, and it spoke to that inner part that wanted to impress the nearest human like a child would their parent. Look! Look at what I made guys!

Though, he never thought about how he would react to a literal robot being the one to watch him.

Does she even have the same standards as a human?

“Virgil... may I ask a question?”

Oh boy, “Sure?”

She cleared her nonexistent throat (which John definitely taught her that, Virgil betted his new set of brushes on it), “Why do you humans make... art?”

Huh, that wasn’t what he was expecting. It was a fair question, though, since there were a million reasons why humans gravitated toward art as a hobby, and if EOS only looked at examples people haphazardly gave on the internet she probably got overwhelmed.

Setting down his brush, Virgil placed his now-free hand on his hip, “Well, I know I personally, at least, make art as a form of stress relief. Sort of like how Gordon swims laps and John calculates problems over and over again. It gets our minds off the bad things in life that won’t leave us alone.”

The A.I. blinked her lens in contemplation, “Hmm.”

Virgil shrugged as he started painting again. If what she asked was a fair question, then that was a fair response, both from him and her. He gave his answer, and there was nothing else either of them really needed to add to it.

What she said next was also technically a fair response, even if it nearly made him snap his brush in half from shock alone.

“Can you show me how to make art?”

John, I’m going to kill you when you come down next time, just an FYI, “Um, sure, there are some digital art programs I can get John to download for you.”

That got a unique reaction out of the A.I., “There’s more than one kind?”

This was going to be a long conversation.

But a part of him was looking forward to it.

He was still going to chuck the first hard thing he could get his hands on the next time he saw his astronaut brother, however.

---

That rescue sucked ass.

Of course, they did their best and they probably prevented a lot of unnecessary deaths in the long run, but it was one of those rescues where it made them think did they really help at all? Are they actually needed when there’s practically nothing they can do?

Limping into his room, Virgil was stretching his arms over his head when he felt a shiver travel down his spine.

With his arms still in that position, Virgil slowly turned around like a cartoon scene with wide eyes to spy a familiar camera in the corner of his room.

Hopefully, she didn’t pick up on the way he nearly jumped three feet out of his pajama pants.

If she did, John taught her enough manners to not bring it up, “Welcome back. I was hoping to show you something before you went to sleep.”

Breathing heavier than he would have liked, Virgil gulped down his shock, “Oh? What would you like to show me?”

She looked around the room with her singular eye, reminding Virgil of how Gordon or Alan got when they were doing something that made them nervous, which Virgil never expected her to be of all things. Nervous. Anxious.

Eventually, she bit the bullet, “Since John did not need me as much for that last rescue, I was able to play around with that app you showed me the day before.”

Blinking once, Virgil was starting to get at what she wanted, “You wanna show me a picture you made, is that it?”

She flashed yellow for a moment, “... Yes, I would like to. If I am allowed.”

Jeez, she sounded like a kicked puppy sometimes, “Alright, then show me.”

It was another few moments of nothing before a hologram blinked into view. Once his eyes got over the brightness, Virgil looked more closely at the piece of art he was being presented.

It was, ah... it was something.

It was definitely human, that at least Virgil could tell. The lines weren’t clean at all, and while Virgil may not dabble in the digital circles of art society, he knew when someone forgot to delete a layer. Or maybe two. The eyes were noticeably two different sizes, with no whites in them at all, only filled with a weird aqua color with two black dots in the middle. Also, for some reason, this person was growing curved carrots on the top of their head--

Oh. Oh.

Rubbing his hand over his chin with a grin, Virgil gave his final opinion, “Well... your shading could use some work,” a blink of red, “But you got his face shape down okay. A little more practice and I could see you making some real masterpieces.”

She must not have been expecting that because, after a few more moments, her voice was uncharacteristically quiet, “... Really?”

How old was she programmed to be again? “Yeah, EOS, I can see you being a really good artist.”

The A.I.’s lens adjusted as she accepted the answer, “Thank you, Virgil. That really means a lot,” Virgil let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding before abruptly choking on it due to her next words, “I was hoping it was good. I wanted to give it to him as a gift.”

Wait-- “Ah, maybe not that, though.”

EOS froze, “Why not?”

Shit, “Well, I’m just saying, maybe we can work on something that is more, er, ‘refined’? John isn’t a vain person, so maybe we should give him a portrait of, like, stars or something, I don’t know.”

This A.I. really liked silence for some reason, which was probably why she liked following it up by abrupt words even more, “We?”

Whoops.

Well, there was no going back now, “Yeah, like I said, I may not work with digital, like, at all, but I do know art. I’m not saying they’re interchangeable interfaces, but maybe I can give you some points on how to create a piece while you simultaneously look up how to use the different types of brushes in that app?”

Virgil wasn't even aware of the fact that his voice was ever so slightly getting higher and higher pitched as he reached the end of his sentence. Apparently, neither did EOS, “Hmm, well, if anyone knows what John would be looking for, it would be you. Interchangeable interfaces, I thought I was talking to him for a second you know.

Wa-how, okay. She really was John’s creation holy fuck. Christ.

And yet, he found himself chuckling despite it, “Yeah, well, it’s not our fault TIME Magazine keeps getting our names switched around.”

Then she laughed. It was very small and short but it was genuine laughter and Virgil wondered if his helmet actually and truly absorbed everything that blow to the head he got earlier gave him.

Rubbing the back of his neck coyly, he finally meandered over to the bed and flopped down on top of it very gracefully, as in, not gracefully at all. He barely registered EOS speaking once more, “Thank you again, Virgil, for being willing to do this for me.”

The last thing Virgil could do was give a measly thumbs up before that familiar gentle blackness fully consumed him.

EOS could only watch the black-haired Tracy with one last thought. Huh, the internet was right. Artists are weird.

“Goodnight, Virgil.”

She was met by plentiful snores. Goodnight, EOS.

[crazy-loca-blog]

Personal thoughts on Blades of Light and Shadow, Ch. 1-2

Note: As the title says, these are just personal opinions on Choices books and chapters. Of course, you may agree or disagree with them, I only use this platform to express my thoughts on what I read every week and what I’d like to see in the next chapters, because none of my friends play Choices so I have no one to comment the books with.

So… would you believe that this is actually the second time I write this post? I tend to write the posts in Word first so I can check the spelling and because it allows me to write even when I don’t have access to Internet… and I have no idea what happened the other day, but I was working on this post and TRH review when Word stopped working, it closed and I lost everything… I was so mad! But here I am.

I’m going to try do my best with this book, for two very specific reasons: the first one is that this is actually the first non-romance book I write about, so that’s definitely a challenge… and the second one is that sometimes I’m not the best at understanding these books and my MCs are killed quite easily because I tend to make the worst choices, so I’m a little slow when trying to find the excitement in these books.

So… I have to admit that the expectations on this book were so high that I was worried. The last time that people got super excited about a book was before the release of Across The Void, and unfortunately things didn’t go as expected. Also, we were finally having a non-romance book after a really long time, so this seemed like a whole new world, especially for new players. Fortunately, things seem to have had a good start.

There are so many things to be excited (or at least happy) about! Not only we finally have a new book where we can choose our gender, but now we can also choose our species! As I read in some Facebook group, “now I understand why they were reusing the OH faces in almost every single release during the last year”. Probably the only complaint I have had about our MC is that we didn’t have a chance to choose our hairstyle. BUT… it seems like there is an explanation for it and that there is some specific reason why we couldn’t change the default hairstyle. Someone on a FB group asked PB about it, and they just said they didn’t want to give us any spoilers… so… now they really caught my attention and I can’t wait to discover the real reason behind this.

Another amazing feature in this book is that we had the chance to choose our own skills. And this is probably the smartest move that PB has made in a long time. Can you imagine the amount of possible combinations? And all of them take you through different paths! Not only you get to unlock certain choices if you have certain skills, your XP points are also affected by these skills and your species. I can definitely see people replaying this book over and over for a long time, just to have a chance to choose different skills and to unlock different choices.

The final item I felt I had to talk about before moving to the plot were the “special effects” (I mean the full size images in movement). And I’m really sorry to be the dissenting voice here, but I wasn’t as excited about them as everyone else seemed to be. Sure, they were pretty good, but I don’t think they were mind-blowing as many people think, especially because they’re not different from what we’ve been seeing in other books during the last year. So even though they add up an amazing touch to the story, they’re the same kind of effects we’ve been seeing for a while now, so I don’t understand all the hype for them… I actually think it’s an overreaction… I mean… I get this is a new favorite for a lot of people, but even our favorite books are not perfect… you know what I mean?

Of course, you may have a book with amazing features… but that means nothing if you don’t have a good plot (how is that ATV comes to my mind… again!). To be honest, I don’t think I can talk about the plot itself yet. If you really, really loved the first two chapters, you may want to kill me, but there is a good reason for me to think that the plot hasn’t begun to fully develop yet. Sure, a lot of things happened (three dead people and one brother who disappeared is huge for the first two chapters), but I got this feeling that the writers decided to take things slow, so for now they kept the focus on introducing the characters, exploring places and explaining us what we’ll be doing (and where we’ll be going) throughout this book. If you ask me, I’d say this was a brilliant move. They definitely learned from their biggest mistake in an adventure book (I will never forget when we had to pick a side on ATV and we had no idea why they were fighting in the first place) and now we know exactly what’s the path that has been set for the rest of the book, we know what we’ll be doing, we know what we’re looking for… they made sure that we understand the book before playing it.

As I said before… with 20 new MC possibilities, 3 different species, and lots of combinations in terms of skills, this is definitely one of those books that people will be replaying for a long time. It has lots of the elements that fans look for when taking a book to a God-tier level, it focuses 99% on adventure (did you notice that I didn’t even talk about the LIs?), and it’s a breath of fresh air for a company that last year completely forgot about this genre (biggest mistake ever!). So yeah… this release makes me feel that PB truly listens to what the fans have to say about the app. Great job!

[pjlowry]

Question: You’re an atheist, and you die and are brought in front of God Almighty. Will you have something to say to him? If yes, what?

I answered this question on Quora by writing a small skit. Here it is for those who’d like to read it:

(Death occurs and yours truly ends up before the pearly gates)

Me: Oh damn, is that what I think it is?

(Looks over and there is a decent line in front of the gates)

Man in Line: Shhhhhh! No talking while waiting for judgement.

Me: Really? Okay…

(Walks over and gets to the back of the line.)

Me: I hope they have more than one window open, I don’t want to be here forever…

Man in Line: You’re not going to shut up are you?

Me: Oh, hell no. What else are we going to do?

Man in Line: I was hoping to wait patiently.

Me: That’s not very productive.

Man in Line: It’s not?

Me: Fuck no! We should talk and get to know one another, and maybe even think about what we want to say when we get up there.

Man in Line: I’m not going to lie to get into heaven!

Me: Who said anything about lying? I mean discussing it so you can remember all the cool things you really did. Like cramming for a final.

Man in Line: Well, that makes sense I guess.

Me: Okay, what’s your name?

Man in Line: I’m Raif.

Me: I’m PJ; nice to meet you.

Raif: So how did you get here, PJ?

Me: I went in for surgery. Last thing I remember is being put out before going under the knife. I guess that didn’t go as planned.

Raif: That is unfortunate.

Me: How about about you dude? How did you kick the bucket?

Raif: I was tortured to death by my own government.

Me: What? Damn man, that fucking sucks!

Raif: I was sentenced to 1000 lashes and I didn’t make it past 500.

Me: Lashed to death? Fuck me… that’s brutal. What kind of fucking government does this kind of shit?

Raif: Saudi Arabia.

Me: What the hell did you do to piss them off?

Raif: I set up a blog and posted unpopular opinions.

Me: Damn man, that’s not fair! What about free speech?

Raif: When it comes to certain subjects such as the monarch and especially Islam, you are not allowed to voice a dissenting opinion.

Me: Not fair dude, just not fair. Lashed to death for having an opinion. Just not cool in my books.

Raif: I was also sentenced to death for apostasy. That sentence was supposed to be carried out after my lashes were done.

Me: Wait a second, I read about you online! I was at a few of the rallies in Toronto to protest your imprisonment!

Raif: Thank you for your efforts.

Me: I’m sorry they didn’t work man, we tried.

Raif: It’s alright, I am at peace now and here with you.

Me: I’m not sure how long we’ll be up here.

Raif: What do you mean?

Me: We’ll… we’re both non-believers. It will be a very tough interview, I can promise you that.

Raif: I am not afraid of judgement, I did good while I lived.

Me: I believe ya man, I got your back. You seem like a great guy.

Raif: Thanks, but what about you?

Me: If this place takes any of the books seriously, then I’m toast… literally! Just the amount of times I spanked the monkey is enough to send me straight down.

Raif: I see, and is there any other activity that might warrant damnation?

Me: Oh, tons of stuff. Now that I think of it, you should probably let me go first.

Raif: Why?

Me: Because I’ll look so bad, that when you come after me… you’ll shine like a friggin’ altar boy by comparison. It'll increase your chances of getting in.

Raif: You think that could work?

Me: I’m sure they’ve got some kind of quota to meet… it’s worth a shot. I’d rather have one of us make it than none.

Raif: Why thank you, PJ.

Me: No problem man, I think you’ve suffered enough.

Raif: Here step forward, we’re almost there!

Me: Already? Damn, that dude works really fast!

Raif: Here, it’s your turn!

(Steps forward to the booth at the gate, there’s an old man with a very long white bears standing there.)

St. Peter: Name please.

Me: P.J. Lowry. Writer, Poet, Outspoken Atheist…

St. Peter: And a shit disturber. Yes, I’ve got you right here.

Me: Damn, I was hoping it was an accident and you’d send me back.

St. Peter: That doesn’t happen very often.

Me: I bet it was seriously messed up when it did, right?

St. Peter: Indeed. So surgery didn’t go well I take it?

Me: Apparently. I wasn’t exactly awake for it.

St. Peter: Alright, let’s have a look here. You have an interview scheduled in Room A. Just walk down this side of the gate until you reach it.

Me: Alright… do I need anything for this interview, like pen and paper?

St. Peter: You don’t… good luck.

Me: Thanks man.

(walks down the side of the gate that St. Peter gestured to so that the line could move along. He keeps walking until he reaches a hallway with doors.)

Me: This must be the place.

(walks up to door marked A)

Me: Let’s not forget our manners.

Door: Knock! Knock!

Voice: Come in!

(opens the door and walks in. There is a single table with two chairs. One of them is occupied by a man wearing a white robe and with a beard that was even longer than St. Peter’s. He walks in.)

Me: May I? (Gestures to the chair)

Man: Sure, please sit down.

Me: given your appearance, I’m going to to out on a limb here. God?

God: In the house, motherfucker!

Me: (Sighs) Alright, I got the top dog for my interview.

God: Do you have a problem with that?

Me: Of course not! I’m actually a little humbled, and even impressed to see you doing some of the grunt work and not delegating it all.

God: Ass kissing will get you nowhere, but good try.

Me: I’ll try my best, but force of habit.

God: I know… literally.

Me: Fair enough.

God: So, surgery didn’t go well?

Me: You think?

God: Sorry to hear about that.

Me: You and me both… any chance I could get a mulligan on that?

God: Fraid not, sport.

Me: Shit, and I had so many projects to finish!

God: I think your procrastination had more to do with that than I did.

Me: Last time I checked you created everything, so that includes World Of Warcraft, baseball, and social media…

God: I also invented alcohol, weed and heroin too… but that doesn’t mean you have to go to town on them.

Me: I have to admit, alcohol and Taco Bell were surprising good.

God: Thank you.

Me: So you created those things to test us?

God: I created a lot of tests. Television, the internet, donuts.

Me: All there to test us?

God: Yup.

Me: Fuck me, I must have bombed big time!

God: You didn’t ace it, that’s for sure.

Me: Well, tell me this much: what’s a passing grade?

God: A passing grade is 55 percent. If you did good for more than 55% of your life, you’ll squeeze out a pass..

Me: You mean just like I did for all those boring university classes?

God: Exactly.

Me: So hit me with it: what’s my score?

God: You scored…. 65%.

Me: Holy shit! I got a C!

God: Yes, quite impressive for a non-believer.

Me: You know everything, so you know why I rejected religion. As the being that invented my brain, can you really get upset that I actually used it for more than just a hat rack?

God: I suppose not.

Me: And speaking of using my brain, where the fuck have you been for the last 2000 years? You’ll show yourself to Moses and Noah to help animals and Egyptian slaves, but won’t lift a fucking finger to stop all the suffering going on in the world? Like seriously man, what the holy fuck?

God: To be honest, I just couldn’t hold it any more. And when I get back from the can… you fuckers are pointing nukes at one another and have royally screwed the environment. Do you have any idea how many years it took to make that place?

Me: A few billion?

God: Exactly, and look at the mess you guys made!

Me: Hold on, so you’re telling me you were gone for 2000 years because you went to take a piss?

God: Yeah, pretty much.

Me: It takes you 2000 years to pee?

God: You got a problem with that? I am a god so I do things differently!

Me: Okay, okay… not judging.

God: You should have seen what happened the last time I took a crap. I went to pinch a loaf, and of course when my back is turned an asteroid hits the planet and wipes out all of my fucking dinosaurs! I was only gone for 20 million years, and then poof, no more dinosaurs!

Me: That does suck.

God: Yeah, I know. After that I had to go right back to the drawing board, and that’s when I invented you buggers.

Me: Well thanks, I guess.

God: Thank you for being a decent chap, Peter.

Me: I tried my best. It wasn’t easy.

God: You got a C, don’t push your luck.

Me: Fair enough… so what happens now?

God: Now you go through that door and enjoy your welcome party!

Me: A party? That’s so cool.

God: Totally.

Me: You coming too?

God: Fraid not, PJ, I’ve got more interviews, and we’re kinda backlogged here.

Me: Oh… is there anything I can do to help?

God: Are you capable of judging people?

Me: Have you seen my twitter and tumblr accounts?

God: Good point… you’re hired!

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 2

'Beep' Harper sat up straight in bed, what? What? Owww headache, aw aw aw, she grabbed her head and slowly lowered herself into the cushions again, this hangover was gonna be brutal if the hammering in her head was any indication. Think of nothing, in fact let yourself slide into this refreshing and revitalizing little nap, you deserve it! You haven't got a massive amount of work to be done, oh no, little leprechauns are real, believe in their existence and they will do the painting for you, believeeeee! Her eyes shot open again, as a ringtone burst through her attempt at self-hypnosis, ignore it, ignore..it, it'll go away, she mumbled and quite content with her self-fulfilling prophecy, she leaned back as the phone stopped ringing, only to start up again 5 seconds later. “Why did I let him talk me into this?” she groaned as she got up to find the intruder buzzing and twirling around on her table, “Hello” she moaned in agony from her splitting headache. “Hey babe, it's me..Sean!” his quirky voice irritated her already, “Sean, hey, first of all, never call me babe, second, why are you even calling me?“. On the other side of the line there were a few seconds of silence, swallowing his dissapointment he stammered “well, I thought you would like to know that me and the boys just landed at LAX..” hearing him this way, made her cringe, she really didn't mean to rain on his parade, “anyway..how are you?” he barely dared to ask. “I'm ok, just a little hung over..” she said as she looked at her paintings “oh, I wanted to thank you for the webpage, I've got my first e-mail from a possible buyer last night” she quickly added, not wanting to sound like a total bitch. “That's fantastic news” she heard Sean get barely excited on the other side of the country, “It is, I just can't put a price tag on them though, so I was thinking..could you send me a list?” she bit her lip, she hated him having to help her with all this commercial and digital stuff. “Sure..yeah I'll send you the list by e-mail” he answered without too much enthusiasm, this was such a weird conversation “listen, I've gotta go now..guess you'll hear me when you'll hear me” by the end of that sentence, all kindness in his voice had gone, “yeah, ok..well..you have a great time, which I know you all will, just..take good care of yourself, you hear?” she quickly added, she wasn't good at goodbyes, not even when they were done by phone, they just made her feel awkward. “I will..bye” he sighed and disconnected the call, why did he even let himself think that she was actually gonna miss him? Or that she was even remotely interested in this big adventure that was about to start for him? All she could talk about was that damn work of her, nothing or no-one else mattered to her.

Jared opened his eyes, last night's conquest still next to him, what? Oh no no, this wasn't the deal, all those kind of women needed to leave before their scent could penetrate his sheets, he hated having to wake them up and tell them to leave, and with this one he didn't even remember a name, that's how uneventful last night had been. He pushed himself up from the bed and pulled the sheet away, the coolness of morning touching her naked skin woke her up “hey..” she mumbled as she squinted her eyes, “hey yourself, it's time to leave, I've got things to do, so I'm gonna go and have a cup of coffee and you'll be gone when I come back” he threw the sheet on the floor and grabbed his phone from the nightstand. He didn't turn around when he walked out of his bedroom, why would he? He had seen more than enough of her already, his phone vibrated back to life while he hopped down the stairs and into his kitchen, switching on the kettle he scrolled through his e-mails, until his thumb rested on the one of the painter he contacted yesterday, ah, maybe there was a price list that he added. No prices..goddammit, was he trying to stall things? He read the last e-mail again: 'what drew you to my paintings?', well that was easy!

From: BJLCubbins

To: HCDeRobiano

Subject: Re:re Paintings

That's easy, they're refreshing and original, ultraclean lines, depth and a little surreal! So, how about some prices, say I would start with the smallest of the whole collection? Surely you can give me an indication of the price range?

If you're not on social media, are you at least registered with any galleries? Are you based in LA? The reason I'm asking all these questions, is because I can't find you anywhere on the internet, what does HC stand for? Henry? Horatio?

Impatient Regards

BJL

Just when she was about to get back to work, that damn phone bleeped again, oh..another e-mail..her fingers nervously clicked and scrolled.

From: HCDeRobiano

To: BJLCubbins

Subject: Re:re:re Paintings

Thanks for the compliments! Am I based in LA? No painter or artists that respects him- or herself is based in LA, that city puts people to sleep, because it has no edge, no challenges, no electricity! That's why I'm living and working in New York, and no I'm not registered yet at any gallery, like I said my assistant is out of town, but if you want a price for N°1 (the smallest 'Baroque') you're looking at 500$.

Funny you should mention Horatio, because that is my Dad's name, and even funnier that you immediately think I'm a man, which I'm not by the way, but I'm guessing you are?

Regards,

Coco

Harper Coco was her real name, but she didn't really like Harper, she used to get bullied because of it at school, Sean somehow always called her Harper..and her Dad, even though she didn't know if he even remembered having a daughter, how long had she not spoken to him? 4 years? Ever since she decided that his aristocratic world was not exactly the one she wanted to live in and so she fled the nest as soon as she graduated from art school. Needing to push those bad memories away, she cranked up the music and crawled up her scaffolding, no external distractions allowed from now on, just the smell of paint in her nose, and some loud rock music in her ears was all she needed to forget about that ugly world outside.

From: BJLCubbins

To: HCDeRobiano

Subject: What?

Hi Coco,

Great name! I totally get your obvious connection to the fine city of New York, I used to live there a long, long time ago, but your prejudice with LA is a bit unsettling, yes it's the capital of fake on the outside, but it's got a vivid art scene as well, it's a lot more laidback in many ways, yes, but that doesn't mean it's got no soul, because it does! For example, the film industry where a new star is born everyday and then there's the music industry, did you know that a lot of the best songs in history were written in LA? this city pushes people to live their dreams, and I think I'm living proof of what this city can do to and for someone!

500$ for that small painting? Deal! I would like to see what you're working on right now, so if you could send me some pics, that'd be great, oh and tell that assistant of yours to get his shit together, artists shouldn't have to sell their own work on top of everything else. Just give me his number and I'll have a word with him if you want!

Gotta run, so send me your financial details and I'll get the money transferred.

Horatio? Really? Now, that's weird because I googled Horatio De Robiano (I take it that is your last name, right?), just to check what kind of people I'm dealing with here, but guess what? Couldn't find anyone by that name either, do you even exist or is all your work done by some bot? Wouldn't surprise me, given how perfect those lines of yours are and how sweet your colours, it's almost too good to be true!

Oh, and since we're on a first name basis already, I'm Joe!

Real life regards

Joe

Ok, so he wasn't completely honest, Joseph, Joe, who cared if it was his middle name? At least it was closer to the truth than Bart Cubbins, and besides it gave him a sense of freedom, like he could write whatever he felt, he could be himself in these e-mails, not the actor or the singer everyone expected him to be 24/7. All content with himself he sat down with his cup of coffee while in the corner of his eye last night's failure came walking down the stairs, “I'll go then..bye Jay..” she slowed her step as she walked past the kitchen, hoping for..hoping for what exactly? That he would've changed his mind? That he would offer her coffee or breakfast? Duh! As if! “yeah bye” he mumbled as he kept his eyes on his screen, goodbye and good riddance, note to self: check with Shayla about the non disclosure agreement!

The rumbling of her stomach broke her focus, usually she ignored it and just carried on but this time it wasn't just her stomach but her mind too that just wouldn't calm down, ever since that last e-mail where 'stranger' mentioned her father, her mind just kept rehashing those last few weeks and days that led up to her leaving with slamming doors. She leaned back a bit to turn down the blaring radio before she almost jumped down from the scaffolding to have a look, oh yes, yes, yes, yes, YES! Sharp lines, great colours, she grabbed a cigarette and lit it. The more she looked at it, the prouder she was of herself, don't get too euphoric yet though..oh what the hell, this called for a little celebration, besides she could do with some fresh air and with some distance from her work for an hour or two so she grabbed her jacket and her bag and hopped on out the door. The cold New York air hit her as she walked to that cute diner a few blocks down, half of New York was rushing to get out of the cold, while she only enjoyed it as it blew the tiny remains of her hang over away. Suddenly she felt a weird vibration coming from the bag on her arm, oh this was going to be perfect, hot soup, her favorite sandwich and hopefully a new e-mail to read from that mistery buyer, life just couldn't get any sweeter right now and her feet shared the same opinion as they picked up the pace so she could sit down and finally read what 'stranger' had written.

[cartoons-tothemoon]

Zak Storm Origins Part 1 Live-Blog:

Hello!  The Miraculous Ladybug PV Discord recommended the show heavily as a better alternative to ML when it comes to certain writing things that get on our nerves, so they recommended Zak Storm, and now I am watching it. Such is life.

I’ll put all my commentary in stuff in the “read below” section, so I don’t clog up your dash if you don’t want to see it. Have a nice day!

- First things first, I want you to know that the only things I know about Zak Storm is that it’s about a brown haired pirate kid and the Bermuda Triangle. That’s it. I’ve skimmed some of the post edorazzi does about Zak Storm, but I really mean that I skimmed it. I’m going into this effectively blind, so, this should be interesting for all of us.

ORIGINS PART 1:

- The theme song is very radical, I guess. Nothing makes sense, but the theme music’s cool.

- Man of Action, as mentioned in the theme song, is the company that created Ben Ten, of course, my memory’s pretty bad, so I could be wrong.

- Panning over the background for ambience’s sake. There’s surfboards, a tiki head, a globe, a starfish, some fishing wire in a cabinet, a swordfish, a sea shell, etc. It’s very nautical themed but, then again, I don’t know what I expected from a show about pirates.

- The man fiddling with the radio appears to be Zak’s father/uncle/general caregiver, and seems to have a degree. The font is too small and blurry to make out, but I suppose it implies that he’s not the bumbling fool that the Hawaiian-styled shirt implies.

- A map and an eel-head. Huh.

- He SNEAKS. *Knocks over a bunch of stuff as he attempts to escape the scene of his crime.* He attempts to SNEAK.

- Classic beleaguered father figure and classic probably cursed necklace. Considering Zak knows of the necklace, as well as its existence, it’s probably not that bad though.

- Wow. I can’t believe ZAG actually put in the time and effort to actually animate water here. On one hand, it’s necessary, but on the other hand, in Miraculous Ladybug, literally nobody ever cried until Syrena. It was just weird sniffling. I got distracted, bottomline, good job for doing the absolute bare minimum here, Zag.

- How confident is this Zak kid that he can surf while listening to music and playing on his phone? What a guy.

- AND he’s on a webcam. Wow.

- His English voice sounds kinda cute, though, in an Ash Ketchum kind of way.

- He’s literally just the protagonist in a JRPG game. So, yeah, Ash Ketchum. “Pressure? What’s that?”

- His dad/uncle/care-giver’s head looks really small in comparison to his body, but that’s more of a “my opinion” kind of thing, given how relatively realistic ZAG tries to keep the proportions.

- Wow, those storm clouds appeared really quickly.

- Was the whole storm thing mentioned on the radio earlier? I wasn’t really listening.

- “Take off the necklace” is the necklace the one thing that’s keeping him from capsizing or on the board or? Otherwise, why would Zak grab it?

- I’m barely 2 minutes in. Sorry for this effectively frame-by-frame analysis, but in my defense...I’ve never done this before.

- “How do we make those dark storm clouds shrouding our protagonist in disappointment more ominous?” “I dunno, man, a skull?” “Genius.” 

- Storm family magic. I knew it. 

- A potentially tragic misunderstanding is going on here. 

- Whoops. I guess I expected the dad/uncle/care-giver figure to be more emotionally distraught over potentially losing his son to a mystical portal forever, but...We barely know them and he clearly knows the necklace, so, he may...Be fine?

- Never mind. He’s probably not fine. Also, why is he not more panicked to be surfing around lightning? Probably shock.

- Cool water animation, though.

- Zak, I haven’t really grown emotionally attached to you yet, and I want to like you, but please stop with the dumb slang. 

- Huh, so it was his dad, after all.

- On one hand, the whole “I must be dreaming thing” is very cliche, on the other hand, I feel bad for this small child who’s abandoned in the middle of the ocean with only a webcam, surfboard, and dumb necklace and crying out for his dad, that I’ll let it slide.

- Green and red, the most insidious colors imaginable. At least it isn’t red and black.

- This green skull guy looks almost 2D animated in the first shot, which is not a bad look.

- I like that boat design for that golden skull guy, at least, a lot more than what looks like Zak’s ship, but I suppose he’s supposed to have that generic pirate look.

- Never mind. It’s less generic than I thought it would be.

- He’s still going along with the nightmare idea, He’s in shock, He’s trying his best, I remind myself.

- Yay! Tiny British ghost friend! Also, who are you calling him small? The ghost friend looks to be a child.

- Scratch that. Tiny, maybe British, astral-projecting spirit friend who’s bad at jokes.

- Cool name for a boat, but aren’t boats usually called she's? Eh, whatever.

- Wow, already trying to escape. 2 minutes with tiny spirit friend who’s name...Hopefully hasn’t been mentioned yet because it shows how well I can pay attention to the forest, and you’re already trying to abandon him.

- “Eye of Peru,” just where does this take place? It’s clearly not in some weird alternate fantasy world if countries from our world exist.

- Clovis. That’s the tiny British spirit friend. I have no strong feelings about him whatsoever.

- Okay, seriously though, Goldenbone’s voice is very cool sounding. Just very classically threatening. It’s kinda like Slade with a bit more energy put into it, but I’m not sure if that statement is right.

- Zak has such dumb sneakers I love him.

- Wow, actual guns. Those look like legitimate pistol designs, but they shoot laser beams. We had to get them through the censors somehow, I guess.

- I think this is the first time I’ve seen a hook hand actually used for something useful outside of just looking cool and threatening.

- “You have a salty spirt, boy.” Dang, who’s Zak vagueing about now.

- Please don’t say good boy. That’s a very cursed phrase if you aren’t talking about an aging labrador.

- I love how Clovis just low-key called him an idiot. Zak really is just a JRPG protagonist, all shiny and dumb and easy to trick, but it would be bold of you to assume that I don’t love him for it.

- Also! Bermuda Triangle! One of the only things I knew about the series has at last been integrated.

- “Let me talk to him.” Why? Why would background skeleton #423 actually suggest this? Does he think he’s special? Because he’s going to have a bad time looking into that mirror and seeing everybody he’s ever known there.

- Why is the Bermuda Triangle just a myth or a legend in this world? It’s a region in our world that’s known for its ship disappearances, it’s not entirely explained, but it’s not like it’s the jersey devil or anything.

- “Surf rat and internet wannabe.” Well, at least he’s honest.

- Clovis confirmed for ectoplasmic whatever, but is also totally a poltergeist.

- 13:55-14:20...Sigh.

- So, does Goldenbone being dead allow him to touch both corporeal and non-corporeal beings, or is Clovis constantly tangible but also not?

- Oh never mind this was actually explained.

- Yes, Zak. Listen to your strange magical heirloom here for once.

- You know what’s worse than a sword? A talking sword.

- Ah, yes, the classic ZAG transformation sequence. This totally won’t happen every single episode to add run-time and repeat animation.

- You’d also think he’d be used to this by now, or just completely out of it given everything that’s been happening.

- I wish they did more animation with the fire, but that’s really a nit-pick.

- What’s up with Clovis just...Continually doing peace signs. Does he not know what else. he can do with his hands.

Conclusion: Zak is dumb but I love him. Golden bones is evil but trying his best here. Clovis is also there. Why does he have a cockney accent. Good show. 7/10.

[beaniegara]

11 Questions

tagged both by @yaboybergara​ and @ricky-goldsworth​ which is great because that gives me 22 questions mwahhahaha thank you folks!! <3 

RULES

1. always post the rules

2. answer the questions given by the person who tagged you

3. write 11 questions of your own

4. tag 11 people you want to get to know better (or however many you want)

now, see, I don’t know what to ask........ so I’m gonna be a little shit and tag folks to pick 11 of these 22 questions and answer them too. nini and gray pls don’t sue me for reusing your questions, thank fdgkfndgfdsk I’m tagging @kaylotta, @queerunsolved, @haunted-gays, @thatmademadej, and @i-am-ghost-proof-baby <3 if yall wanna do it, of course. no pressure.

this is incredibly long (and uncomfortably honest). let’s go lesbians let’s go

first, nini’s questions:

1. How many pets have you had in your life?

one. I’ve always wanted them but my mom and I have always lived in tiny apartments and had no way to care for a pet so it wasn’t until I was 17 that we adopted a kitten!! his name was merlin and he was the laziest, moodiest lil ball of fluff I’ve ever met. I.. had to give him away a year later because we moved to a place even smaller that wouldn’t allow pets so long story short I’m scarred for life and don’t think I can ever take any more pets without feeling guilty to my bone 

this is merlin btw I love him with all my heart and he now lives in a farm. as far as I know anyway.. :(

2. Do you believe in destiny? Why?

mmm interesting question. weird, metaphysical theories aside, I don’t believe anything is set in stone per se, but I do believe that some things are just... meant to be? in a way? for example, you can’t tell me ryan and shane weren’t meant to be friends and find each other in such an unlikely place as they did. one of my mottos, completely stripped from context because it’s from a rather pretentious tv show, is “the universe is rarely so lazy”. meaning that good things happen for a reason, and that you trailed that path for that to happen. yknow what I’m saying? I can’t really explain this without writing a 10 page essay because that’s just how my gemini ass thinks 

3. If you could chose one person on the great beyond, would you take the chance to talk to them? 

you mean someone who has passed away? oh yeah, I would talk to my grandmother. she was raising me and died when she was 4 and that changed not only my entirely life but our whole extended family dynamic... so many questions.

4. From all your hobbies, which one would you love to make a living of?

oh man, writing. I’ve been dreaming of being a writer ever since I was 9 or something. never panned out but that would certainly be the dream. if I could work with videos, subtitling, tv shows, cinema etc that would also be dope as hell!

5. What’s your favorite color palette to wear?

fkgjfsdgiusfdksd I have no fashion sense whatsoever, idk? I do like to wear dark clothes (because weight..) and reds (because pale).

6. What’s your opinion on queerbaiting?

I don’t have the time for it. for starters, it’s something that usually comes from people with very poor writing skills that can’t come up with plots interesting enough to keep viewers/readers hooked in. that already says something. no offense to anyone who is a fan of shows like these, but when it’s mostly written by white men I just don’t have any high hopes for it. you can ask flavs what my reaction was like when I realized the character I had headcanon’ed as wlw in hannibal was actually a wlw. I couldn’t believe it, because what???? since when does that happen, especially in a show run by a white man??? kjdfghsjgd 

I think this is part of a bigger conversation but my point is, don’t fall for it. I know it’s all part of the fight for representation, asking big names to produce big shows with lgbtq+ characters in it and so on, but for the love of god, watch something else too!!!! let GOT rot and die!!!!!!!!! look up different, smaller, cheaper shows, that’s where you find lgbtq+ content creators!!!!!! there’s so many wlw webseries out there, you wouldn’t believe it. you have a choice. don’t give any more of your time and love and word-of-mouth to shows/movies that clearly have no interest in being more diverse. they don’t deserve you. 

and that’s not to say any of it is on us. quite on the contrary, they’re using us. but aside from calling out their bullshit, we do have a chance to boost lgbtq+ content creators. don’t let them fool you into thinking they’re doing you any favors, or that they’re our last chance so we should be paying attention to what they’re doing/saying. fuck them!!!! you can’t queerbait me because I don’t trust you or give you the chance to do it. and you can shove your very straight, very white shows where the sun doesn’t shine, @ hollywood.  

7. Is there a language you would love to speak?

french and korean, mostly. I can understand a little bit of both, but I really wish I was fluent :( oh, will to live and learn, where art thou...

8. Do you have, like, a dream so wild you think it’s impossible?

kjgnsfdkjhjjs having enough money to support myself and my mother??? I don’t have any big, wild dreams, I think. just.......... living comfortably would be a+  

9. How many AUs of your own life do you have in your head?

oh man. I keep thinking about living somewhere in idk iceland or scotland just like... tending goats or something. that’s the most comfortable version of myself I can think of.

I also like to imagine if I could handle being a film director, because that sounds like fun. maybe a screenwriter? anything creative in films, really. 

there’s also the unattainable dream of having a wife and idk maybe adopting a kid? and we’d just. support each other. and love each other. and that’s just. I. [cries]

I like to think how things would be if I were actually hot and not socially awkward.. I’d be someone completely different, basically lol 

10. If you were to meet your younger self, do you think they would think you cool or not?

oh god, younger me would hate present me D: I had such high hopes for myself, I had lots of dreams lol never in a million years did I think I’d be where I am today...

11. Not a question, but please add something postive about yourself, something that you love about you.

IDJFSSIODUGSDFKGDSJ IT’S LIKE YOU KNEW I’D BE A NEGATIVE FUCK, NINI. I................................ I like that I have an easy time with languages? or with classes in general. I like to learn from people, I’m just really unmotivated to leave the house lol 

now onto gray’s q’s:

1. What’s your favourite music video of all time?

straight-up impossible questions right out of the gate huh I SEE YOU, GRAY. I SEE YOU kjdfgjfsdhgkdsjfs

I’ll have to go with a few,

“prototype” by viktoria modesta is just GORGEOUS. I can’t get over this video & song and it’s been years.

“jackpot” by block b looks creepy as shit but the context makes it such a clever yet fun video. take into account that these guys were screwed over by the kpop company that created the group, and that the lyrics talk about hitting jackpot in an industry that’s savage to say the least. to me this video is a visual representation of what a dangerous trap entertainment companies are in the kpop industry, and it also ties in with the groups’ story of being made into dolls by a company and then telling them to fuck off in the end lol 

“treat me like your mother” by the dead weather. I don’t know why I just love it. (cw: gun violence)

“emperor’s new clothes” by panic! at the disco. I MEAN, LOOK AT IT.

“manyo maash” by puer kim. I just love the aesthetic?

honorable mention: “tick tick boom” by the hives because that’s a banger. ba dum tssss.

2. What’s a favourite memory of yours?

I have plenty of good memories, thank god. I think one of my favorites is just hanging out with my friends in 2008-9; one of their older brothers was driving us around town, we were listening to the white stripes at full volume, singing along, all sitting pressed up close together in his shitty car. man, my teenage years would’ve been fantastic if I had stayed there with them!! 

3. Do you play video games? If so, which one’s your favourite?

I DO!!! I mean, not as much as I’d like because a) no money to spare on games/consoles, and b) I suck at basically everything. but I’m obsessed with paladins these days, and I’m also a big fan of LOTRO. I like horror games--mostly the resident evil and silent hill type--and fps. I grew up playing some tomb raider, medal of honor, resident evil... oh, those were the days. 

4. How did you first get into [your fandom of choice]?

with bfu it was that kind of thing where I’d see a meme or two cross my dash and it was always this ridiculous screenshot, or those “that’s it, that’s the show” kinda things with dozens of thousands of notes... until one day I was incredibly anxious, and I needed to watch something or I’d never finish the assignments I had for college. so I just thought “oh hey I should check out that unsolved thing people like so much, it’s buzzfeed so it’s probably good bg noise to work with” lol and it did work, and I did finish my assignments, and that means that I first watched the show barely paying any attention to it because I was busy doing something else. but ryan’s and shane’s voices helped me relax and to this day they still help a lot with my anxiety, to the point that I need to keep coming back every minute or so during episodes because I get distracted just listening to their voices and not absorbing a word lol

5. How did you first get into fandom in general?

uhh.. well, I was a big “pottermaniac” (that’s how I called it) since I was 9, but that was before I realized fandom was a Thing on the internet too. I remember when I was maybe 10 or 11, I entered a chatroom (god, those were wild) just in time to see someone saying in all caps HARRY POTTER IS GREAT AND YOU’RE ALL DUMB FOR NOT SEEING IT or something fkdsjgfdugfsdk and it was this girl using the nickname fawkes. she was older than me, I think that 15 or something, and we exchanged addresses (!!! how am I alive!!!) and were pen pals for a while. but it took me so fucking long to actually find the fandom online that I think my first brush with it was with the arctic monkeys forum I found online in 2008, where I mistakenly said I liked “the muse” and people laughed at me so I never went back to it lol then in 2010 I found out about kpop and that’s when I really dived head-first into fandom life. took me long enough (tbf I was very against the notion of being a “fan” because I was an idiot).

6. What’s at the top of your bucket list?

great fucking question. no idea. I guess.. traveling overseas? if we’re talking wild, distant things. but closer to my reality, getting a job that pays me at least the minimum wage disjgdfgkfsdk #fuckinternships

7. What’s something not many people know about you?

I love dancing and miss it like hell.

8. What’s your favourite medium for storytelling - movie, book, television, musical, comic, internet video, video game, something else? Why that medium?

ohhhhhhh this is an interesting question. as much as I love writing, and think that’s one of the best things we humans have ever come up with, I do love.. musicals? not necessarily theater--although that’s great and I’d sell my soul to see chicago live--but I love the idea of telling stories through music. I really wish we could bring back the custom of telling stories orally, and through music, and that we could as society agree that collective singing is beautiful and should be reintroduced in our day-to-day lives. sure listening to (1) artist singing is great but hAVE YOU TRIED SINGING ALONG DURING A CONCERT WHERE EVERYONE ELSE IS SINGING TOO? best fucking feeling in the world. 

we had two bands in brazil, in different periods of time, that were so incredibly famous they’re still cornerstones in our music history. one was legião urbana, some folk-ey rock band that had a couple of songs telling these really long stories that I LOVE with all my heart. faroeste caboclo is our bohemian rhapsody, most people my age or older know the lyrics to it. and mamonas assassinas was this comical (?) rock band that sang dumb, fun songs that usually told stories too and that was the best. I miss that kinda thing. 

9. What’s your favourite food?

red meat, mainly churrasco. but I also can’t live without chocolate milk AND the whopper. capitalism has me by the stomach.

10. Do you have a joke to share?

fjgfsdgskfdgfsk I don’t.. it’s been so long since I last tried telling a joke, I don’t think I know any?

11. What song/artist helped you through your struggles?

pitty has been a big part of my life for some 14-odd years now. “be ok” by ingrid michaelson and “starlight” by muse were my anthems when depression hit hard during my teenage years. the white stripes has also been a constant, with gems like “blue orchid” and “a martyr for my love for you” turning into sort of theme songs for certain parts of my life. choi sam helped me through college. and even though they were a huge disappointment to the point that I stopped listening to them altogether, block b gave me a good 4 or 5 years of distraction from life.

[jimin-jungshook-over-literalbae]

New Life *Part Four* (Mark Tuan Series)

Hey guys! This is the last piece I have right now. I’ll do more writing on it later. Since my internet is up for now, I’m going to try to get some more requests done now since I’m really, really behind. 

Description: Kyon Minjee has moved away from away from her hometown to attend college with her childhood best friend, Kunpi- sorry, BamBam. This is meant to be a fresh start after some less than savory years in college and everything seems to be going well with her new friends and the hot neighbor that lives across the hall, but she’s not the only one who moved here. Hwa Minki has also moved in and seems to set on reminding his ex-girlfriend exactly why she left him.

Kyon Minjee's POV:

    I hear a knock on my door as I'm throwing my book bag on my couch. I had just gotten home from an afternoon of classes. I stretch and groan a little, making my way to the door. I'm tired but I still need to eat before I do my homework. BamBam would have called me before coming over so I'm not entirely sure who it could be. I peek through the peephole to see Mark on the other side. I open the door quickly.

    "Hey!" I answer breathlessly, still a little shocked to find him at the door.

   "Hey, I just wanted to check and make sure that you're okay after last night," He chews on his bottom lip, his eyes looking up to meet mine. Once again, I find myself struck by his beauty. He's easily the most angelic human I've ever seen.

    "Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you for sitting with me yesterday. I'm sure that it couldn't have been easy to deal with," I'm not entirely sure how to express how grateful I am for him not just leaving me alone in that hallway. To be honest, I think I kind of understand why he was able to calm me down. He has a calming and gentle aura around him that seems to just put those around him at ease.

    "I couldn't just leave you like that. You were shaking so bad, I was scared you were hurt," He rubs the back of his neck, his eyes looking everywhere but at me," If it's okay, I have two things I would like to talk to you about."

    "Of course! Come on in. Would you like anything to drink?" I open the door wider to let him in.

    "Nah, I'm good," He politely waits for me to sit before he sits down so he doesn't make me uncomfortable.

    "What's on your mind?" I lean my back against the arm rest of my couch, facing him. He does the same.

    "So, I talked to BamBam last night. He told me a bit about the guy that attacked you last night. I just... wanted to let you know that I was told. I didn't want to pretend like I don't know," His eyes search mine as he tells me what's on his mind. I can feel my expression fall.

    "How much do you know?" I pull my knees up to my chest, a need to create a barrier between us taking over me. It's not that I don't trust Mark, it's just that I didn't want to be that girl. I just wanted to feel... normal, I guess. Everyone always looks at me differently, like I'm broken. I don't want to be the broken girl anymore.

   "I don't know any details. I just know a general overview. There are all of these things that I could say as an attempt to make you feel better, but there's only one thing that feels right. I want you to know that what I've learned has not changed how I feel about you, okay? No matter what has happened, it will not affect my opinion of you," A smile takes over Mark's face and I once again see that angelic side of him. That side is the one that sat with me in a hallway while I was having a panic attack.

    "Thank you. I can't tell you how much that means to me," I can almost feel the tension leave my shoulders," So, what is the second thing?"

    "I wanted to ask you a question. Well, I wanted to ask you last night but well.... we saw how that went," Once again, he's biting my lip. He has got to stop doing that because it makes it hard to concentrate on anything else," Would you allow me to take you on a date?"

    "What?" It feels like all of the breathe has rushed out of me. I don't know what I was expecting, but this certainly wasn't it," Are you sure?"

    "The real reason I left my apartment last night was to ask you. Something about you has caught my interest and find myself unable to look away," His eyes draw me in, forcing me to believe in everything he's saying," So, will you give me the honor of going on date with me?"

    "I, yes, of course," I find myself grinning like an idiot," When would you like to go?"

    "Tomorrow evening, if that's okay," Mark has a large smile on his face and it immediately gives me a fuzzy feeling. Tomorrow is Friday so it made sense.

    "Absolutely," I can see his expression change and scoots toward me. I look up at him and I can feel him looking down at me. He leans down toward me and my eyes focus on his lips. I know that he's going to kiss me and I can feel a rush building in me. The shrill ring of a phone shatters the moment.

    "Fuck," His warm breathe kisses my cheek, sending a shiver down my spine. He answers it quickly," Yeah? Fine. I'll be there in a few minutes."

    "You have to go?" I avoid letting my expression become sad at the thought of him leaving. What in the world is wrong with me?

    "Yeah. Jackson brought dinner but he's locked himself out of the apartment again. This is the second time he's forgotten his keys," As he speaks, we both get up and walk toward the door together.

    "It's okay. We'll see each other tomorrow evening," I can't help but smile again as I speak those words out loud. It makes the moment feel more real, like I'm not in a dream.

    "Of course. I'll text you to set up a time," His smile is back. He opens the door and starts to walk through, but then seems to think better of it. He turns back to me.

    As I'm about to open my mouth to speak, his lips press to me. They're as soft as I imagined they would be. One of his hands weaves its' way into my hair. I find myself clinging to him, kissing him back. Finally, he pulls back and I let out a breathe I didn't realize I was holding.

    "I didn't want to leave without doing that," He sounds a little breathless and looks a little dazed. I go up on my tiptoes and give him one last peck, watching his eyes widen in surprise.

    "You should probably go," I say softly. I slowly watch the smile take over his face.

    "Unfortunately. I will see you tomorrow," He kisses me one last time and then he leaves. I pull out my phone and immediately call BamBam.

    "What's up kitten?" He answers after only two rings.

    "So, a lot has happened. First things first, why am I not surprised that you told Mark about what happened Junior year?" I collapse on my couch, my expression still giddy. I can't even really be angry at him, as much as I want to.

    "I mean, after what he saw in the hallway, I couldn't just tell him nothing," He defends.

    "I know. I'm not mad. That being said, he came over to tell me about it. Also, he asked me on date!" Part of me wants to squeal but I've never been the squealing type.

    "Seriously?" I can hear his jaw drop from here.

    "Yeah. I was really surprised. There's one more thing," I run my fingers through my bangs," He kissed me."

    "Oh, details, details. Is he a good kisser?" I can practically see him clinging to his phone.

    "Well, he asked me out and then he was going to kiss me but he got a phone call. Before he left, he turned an kissed me. I may have initiated the second one," I admit, stretching out on the couch," He's every bit as good as I thought he was. Are we... is this maybe happening to fast."

    "Well, nothing about your relationship has been running slow sweetheart. Do you have any reason to distrust him?" His voice changes to sound more worried.

    "No, and that's what surprises me. Something about him is just super calming and feels almost angelic, like he could never do anything to hurt anyone. I've never met anyone like him," I try to keep my voice from taking the dreamy quality I can feel building in me.

    "Ohhhhh.... You have a crush on him," He sounds so matter of fact, like it's that easy to put into words.

    "I guess I'll find out tomorrow? Oh god Bam, what do I wear tomorrow?" I'm starting to get nervous.

    "Chill out, okay? I'll pick up some take out and come over to help you pick something out," BamBam's voice is soothing.

    "Thank you, Bam. Have I told you how much I love you?" I sit up and look around to make sure that my apartment is clean enough.

   "Of course," His tone makes me laugh," But, it's always good to hear it again. Love you too, kitten."

I really, really love this series and I really hope you guys do too! Please feel free to reach out to me with your opinions!

[entireoranges-creativity]

Rumors

Title: Rumors Fandom: Figure Skating Ship: VirtueMoir Note: Ok so this one of those stories where I had no real plans I just wrote and let my muse lead me where it felt necessary. It lead me here ... to be honest I’m not sure if I’m that happy with the results. But I figured I might as well share it. Disclaimer: This is a fictional story based on real people if that makes you uneasy don’t read. Also do not link on any sites without my permission.

“Shit. Shit. Shit.” Scott eyebrows perk up and a smirk develops as he listens to Tessa mutter with growing frustration from across the room as she scrolled through her cellphone.

“What’s up T?”

“Oh nothing. Well besides the fact I’m apparently pregnant. Of course your the father.” He chuckles shaking his head.

“Yeah yeah we already knew that. Isn’t our secret love child like five by now? God we’re horrible parents!’ Rumors had always been circulating over their relationship status. Assumptions, stories, and boldface lies were attached to both their names. Scott always rolled his eyes at them and never really gave them consideration. The ignore it they’ll go away mindset. T

‘I mean its the same shit as always. Twisting everything around, adding inflection that clearly wasn’t there. Most people don’t believe that stuff. So what’s the difference this time Tess?”

“The difference is I threw up during a performance about three weeks ago? Remember?” How could he forget? She had literally vomited on him during one of their lifts. Scott’s memory was full of happy and blessed memories with Tessa; that was not one of them.

“Yeah I am aware of it. You had food poisoning. I told you that fish didn’t look right.” Tessa glares at him; she was really getting tired of him bringing that up.

“According to the internet that was just a rouse to cover up the fact that I’m actually pregnant. Based on the assumption we all eat the same stuff while on tour and since nobody else got sick then the food narrative poisoning is a lie. Oh and because I haven’t discussed what happened besides the initial tweet people think I’m hiding something.”

“Yeah because it’s perfectly normal for people to discuss in details pouts of food poisoning and getting violently ill in public. Seriously Tessa don’t let it bother you. Like all the other rumors it will end. I mean I can sorta see these kooks believing we’re hiding one kid. But two? We’d be arrested!” He raises from his seat and walks over to her placing a hand on her shoulder.

“It gets frustrating. Tiresome I suppose is a better description. It’s hard to live when every move you make is underneath a thousand microscopes. The worst part is that no matter what I say about any subject or personal opinion someone out there will think I’m lying.”

“As I said most people out there don’t believe that shit. And I have a feeling a lot of those who do post those idiotic rumors and strange pieced together speculations deep down they realize its just a fantasy. A bit of fun.”

“Yeah but it’s starting to leave the fan generated social sites and some more reputable sources are starting to ask questions and make assumptions.’ Tessa drops her head and sighs. ‘I’m just emotionally exhausted from all of it. I’ve tried being nice, have been brutally honest, just plain ignored everything. Its never the right approach. How does it not get to you?”

“Because I have better things to worry about. It helps I don’t pay attention to shit like this.’ He leans over and taps her phone. ‘You should too.” She scoffs.

“It’s not that easy Scott. The world now runs on social media. You gotta take the good with the bad. I just wish the bad wasn’t so shitty. Ugh sorry. Guess I’m just having a bad day.” Scott squeezes her neck.

“Don’t worry about it. You’re allowed. Hey!” Tessa squirms in her seat to face him.

“Yes?”

“A bad day? Feeling moody?”

“I never said that.”

“You didn’t need to.” Tessa tries to glare at him but soon begins to smile; she couldn’t actually refute what he said.

“Fine whatever.”

“I know its not that time of the month.” He had her cycle memorized by the time she was seventeen, sometimes more aware of its upcoming arrival then she is.

“Is there a point to this?”

“Maybe you are pregnant!” Scott gasp dramatically.

“Hilarious. Absolutely hilarious.”

“Just one question whose the father?’ Tessa shakes her head returning to attention to her phone. ‘Well? Who’s ass do I need to kick?”

“Don’t you have anything better to do?”

“No, not really. Seriously though who would it be?” She turns the phone back to the home screen and repositions herself again to look at him.

“Scott I’m not pregnant. I haven’t even had sex with anyone in....well whose counting! So why the question?’ He shrugs and suddenly becomes obsessed with looking at his feet. ‘Scott? Look at me.” After a few moments he does.

“What?”

“Why do you have this weird desire to know who’d the father of my fictional baby would be?”

“I don’t. I was just messing around.” He gives a strained laugh and playful swats her back.

“Stop lying. You really do suck at it.”

“I’m jealous.” He mumbles.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m jealous.” He says louder.

“Of what?!”

“Nothing.”

“Jesus Scott! Are you actually jealous of the idea I had a child with someone else?! A child that does not exist?!’ He just shrugs again. ‘And people actually think we have a relationship! God you can’t even tell me how you feel!’ Its at that moment Scott seemingly springs to life leans down and kisses her, hard, passionately, and almost desperately. Tessa responds by jerking away and to her feet.

‘What the hell Scott?!” The reality of what he did washes over him. He had no right to do that. To treat or anyone else for that matter like that. He was raised better then that.

“God T I’m sorry.” He wants to say more, she deserves more but nothing comes to mind.

“Scott I can’t do this. I really can’t. I feel like I’m drowning and you’re holding me under the water. You scoff and laugh at these bullshit rumors of babies and quick kisses during performances. You say or do nothing to help end them. Your silence speaks louder then you realize. Leaving it up to me to try to extinguish the flames. Meanwhile I have no idea how you really feel!”

“You’re better at that stuff. With the rumors and speculation aspect I mean. If you want me to get more vocal in trying to stop them I will. I can become a first class dick.” Tessa’s eyes soften. She knew he’d try but he didn’t have it in him to be a dick.

“I just don’t want all the pressure on me. These rumors are about us. Or maybe there not rumors?” He throws his head back and laughs.

“So you are pregnant!” She rolls her eyes.

“Scott....”

“I know. I know. Sorry. You should know how I feel.” He takes a step towards her.

“How? How am I supposed to know? You never say anything and when you do its like you’re reading from a script. You flirt, you kiss me! You say during press conferences you want to possibly pursue a relationship, but then you never discuss it with me! You get jealous over the idea I’d have a child with someone else. Then go back to making jokes. Scott I thought the fans on social media made my head spin but its you.” Scott runs his hand through his hair his eyes returning to the floor.

“I can’t discuss how I feel because I don’t know how I feel.”

“Stop lying.”

“I’m not!” She this time moves forward until she’s able to press her finger into his chest.

“Then stop hiding. Talk to me Scott.”

“I don’t want things to change.” His voice is soft.

“What would make them change?” She knew but she was gonna make him face it.

“If I admit I like you. If I admit I love you. If I admit the idea of you with another guy kills me. If I admit I can’t be strong enough for you. You’re right I back away from these rumors, I don’t help when I force you to handle everything. And I know the pressure is killing you. Tessa? What if that reality can’t hold up to what we have now?” She moves her hand up and caresses the side of his face. He leans into the touch closing his eyes.

“We won’t have to hide anymore. We won’t have to dodge the rumors.” He reopens his eyes.

“It could fail.”

“We have never failed at anything. I love you Scott. Simple as that. But if you truly are not ready or willing for this I understand. Life will continue on as it always had. I’m sure within the next ten years we’ll be up to four kids which are surprisingly never seen!”

“Prodigy ice dancing kids.”

“Of course.”

“All with your green eyes.” Tessa blushes.

“I’m okay with the fantasy. If that’s all you want Scott.” He shakes his head.

“I’m not. I want the reality. I want you.” He leans in and kisses her again. This time a real gentleman kiss.

“I still can’t believe you were actually jealous of a rumor.” She mutters a few seconds later after the kiss ended.

“I still can’t believe you ate that fish.”

“I swear to God if you bring that up one more time this will end before it begins!”

“Duly noted. So what now?” Tessa shrugs.

“I suppose we just do what we always do. And right now I’m thinking I could use some dinner. Interested in joining me?”

“Of course. I heard of a really good sea food pla...”

“Scott!”

“What? I didn’t say fish!” She throws her head back and joyfully laughs.

“Fine. Yeah sounds good.”

+++THE END+++

[wazafam]

Top Gear returns for its 30th season on BBC America April 25, and its racing right back into action without any stop signs ahead. The trio of popular hosts -  Chris Harris, Paddy McGuinness and Freddie Flintoff - have seen the iconic series rise to new heights and a wider audience thanks to their chemistry and the producers' innovative challenges.

The men hop into some "dad cars" for the premiere, reminiscing about their fathers and getting in touch with their emotions, but there are also plenty of Ferraris and hilarious racing segments in store. Despite the pandemic limiting their travel and interactions, the creators and hosts alike have found ways to keep their target audience entertained.

Related: Top Gear: 10 Best Jeremy Clarkson Quotes Of All Time

Harris, McGuinness and Flintoff spoke to Screen Rant and several other outlets at a recent press day, describing what was surprising about the latest season, explaining which they considered the "ultimate dad cars," and revealing how they'd like to celebrate their fifth series together.

Last season showcased how you can provide quality entertainment in the midst of a pandemic. What new ways have you been stretched creatively this season?

Paddy McGuinness: Well, it's been a little bit easier for us, as opposed to other people making TV shows, because for a lot of stuff we do we're in the car on our own with a little GoPro camera. We had to stay in a bubble together as well.

Apart from we've not traveled about as much, kind of filming in the UK, it's been sort of easier really. You feel fortunate that you can get out and work when everybody else is on, and we've got a chance to spend time with each other, drive cars, have some fun. You have a newfound appreciation of what you're doing.

Chris Harris: I think the producers had to come up with a couple of novel treatments to take us out of our comfort zone; you'll see those. One of them involves being towed behind the car, wearing a pair of titanium-soled boots at speeds that we never ever want to achieve again.

But other than that, really just trying to make the hub of the show the Cars. We've got a great spread of cars, from the new Defender to Ferrari Roma; we've got Fred in a bonkers electric Rally Car, and a beautiful old Alfa Romeo that's been reimagined. We've got a great spread of cars, and us lot having fun.

That's the core of the show, and actually, we're amazed at how much of that you can do still in the middle of a pandemic. So, we've been very, very lucky.

The Dad Cars episode was really wonderful to watch. What was it like to film?

Paddy McGuinness: It was lovely. We do a lot of mad stuff on Top Gear, and we're always having fun, so it was nice to rein that little bit back in a bit and be a bit honest with each other and talk about stuff and show a little bit of emotion. It'll be interesting to see how the viewers respond to something like that.

It was kind of honest. What you see is what you got with us, really. Yeah, it was a really nice episode, that one.

Freddie Flintoff: It was amazing getting into them cars and sitting there, looking around at the dashboard and all the dials, and all of a sudden everything starts flooding back from your childhood. I was [in] the car; I used to play cricket and my dad used to drive me up and down the country, and everything started flooding back. Then you flip it on its head: I'm driving and I'm a dad now, so I'm questioning myself as a dad and trying out, "Am I doing the right thing?"

So, it was emotional. And then, obviously, we lower the tone by sticking my ass in Paddy's face. There's a bit of everything there.

Chris Harris: Top Gear has been and is many things, but films like that make you realize it's actually a very simple product. It's about how human beings interact with motorcars, and why this weird mechanical object somehow elicits such emotional responses from human beings. Why we have opinions and why they cause arguments and, on that level, the memories that we have in them.

It was a very clever treatment from the producers, and not one that I was automatically comfortable with. But when you're they're presented with this thing that makes you remember such pungent memories, you can't really avoid it.

What would you consider the ultimate Dad Car, aside from the ones you drove in the episode or that brought back memories of your father's cars?

Paddy McGuinness: It'll be different because you're in the States, so you'll have a different view. You might be able to pull out some American cars that you think are dads cars.

Chris Harris: I think a Dad's car in the States would have to be something like a Mustang, because I just think it's the kind of car that you wish your dad had driven if he didn't drive one. And it's got some back seats, so you can actually go in there as a little person.

I know this is a difficult [ranking], but it's affordable. You can imagine a lot of people being able to afford a Mustang, because it can't be something that's too expensive and fancy pants. So, I'd go for that, really. I certainly wouldn't go minivan, F150, a truck or something. You could argue that, but for me, I'd like to think it was 'stang.

Freddie Flintoff: We've got four kids, we need a lot of seats. But on Chris' theme, I've bought these Camaros quite often. My kids love that, because in England it's completely different to anything else that you see on the roads. They don't have them out in the country, these left-hand drives, so it's a bit of an adventure for the kids. It's something a bit different. Just to get them all in at the same time, that's the other thing.

You moved to BBC One, the ratings have increased, and people really responded to your chemistry. What is it that you think works so well between the three of you?

Paddy McGuinness: I think we don't act when we're on. We are who we are, and it's a natural sort of chemistry we have around each other. Our personalities are different but, then again, they're very similar. I think viewers like it when they know you're being yourself, and we definitely are. If we lose a race, we hate it; if we win, we really go over the top with our celebrations. And we have a good time together.

We're talking about, hopefully - once this pandemic gets a bit more under control and we can travel again - coming over to the States and maybe doing a big road trip there as well. So, that'll be quite interesting. It's all exciting things ahead. But, yeah, I think we're just ourselves.

Freddie Flintoff: I think as well, the more time we spend together, the more you know each other. I think we are improving. The three of us, but also the producers, the crew and everyone has an understanding of what makes people tick; what people don't like; where to niggle people when you need to. I think we're going in the right direction. We can still improve obviously, but we're getting there.

What are you most proud of in Season 30?

Paddy McGuinness: Surviving it. Coming out alive; that was some achievement with the things they've had us doing.

Chris Harris: We were very lucky to be given the chance to get some cars from James Bond movies together, and that's not often done. To go onto the internet and find film or pictures of a load of old famous Bond cars in one place? You won't, because the fil productions very rarely allow that. But they did this time, so we got the chance to open a hangar that we've had filled with significant Bond cars. That was a great moment.

We also got to drive some as well. That's one that, when it comes to negotiating your paycheck, you actually in the back of your mind are thinking, "I'd pay to do that. I don't need to be paid to do that." It's one of those.

Freddie Flintoff: I think for me, it's hard to get past the dad cars. It's a change of pace, and it's also an opportunity to talk up your dad. He's the center of it, and you're driving the car he drove. I think when you watch that, as I say, it's a change of pace from a lot of stuff we do.

Hopefully fans will like that. I enjoyed watching that and listening to Paddy and Chris' reactions. Because, as Paddy said before, we don't see what each other are doing on board in the car. It was obviously Paddy and Chris talking about their dads, but they're not necessarily conversations that we'd have.

Do you watch the episodes with your families? What do they think?

Paddy McGuinness: I don't, actually. I don't watch it with my family, weirdly enough.

Chris Harris: It's tricky, that. My youngest boy is 10, and I'll sometimes watch it with him. But the others... There's a terrible self-consciousness about television, where you can't stand the sound of your own voice.

You've been through the process. You're not watching it afresh; you've seen the edit, you've done the voiceover for the film. So actually, you're familiar with most of the film. It sounds awful, but I'm very proud of what we do, and I'll watch their films. I'll watch their individual films, but I won't watch mine. When it's on, I would rather be anywhere than in front of a television. That's not because I'm not proud of it, it's just because I think so many people that make television or present it feel the same way. I'd rather go and kick a wall; I just cringe whenever I see myself and television,

Freddie Flintoff: My father'll watch it. Unlike Chris, I don't watch it with him. I hear the music come on, and they're all sat there. I'm a bit of a hoverer; I just hover about, popping my head around the door, and seeing if they're enjoying it.

And then I think my kids as well; they just expect me to embarrass myself as well. They're at an age now, where [everyone's] watching at their school and people are talking about it.

There hasn't been very much opportunity to drive with the pandemic. A lot of people haven't been in cars very much, and there's been a big detachment from the way that we think of them. Top Gear's always been a big, frivolous, masculine, outrageous thing - but was there an urge to make the cars more relatable to people, and to bring that emotive element back in different ways?

Chris Harris: Naturally, we've had less scope to go out and do that hyperbolic stuff. Top Gear always has to be a little bit of a cartoon, I think. If it isn't a cartoon, it just becomes a very cold and antiseptic review show, and everyone's realized that's not what mainstream television want. Because it would get about half a million viewers and would be off the air fairly quickly.

The masculine side of it, I don't necessarily see that. I think at the moment, it's just presented as, "If you like machinery, you like machinery." I think the "Dad's Cars" film was a good demonstration of the fact that we're exploring people's relationship with motor cars, as opposed to just going out and going too nuts.

But yes, to add to your point, there is a crazy Lamborghini that's got too much power that is unaffordable. It's a very difficult balance, really. Top Gear should be a good balance of silliness and relatable content, and in the last year the motorcar has not continued its role in our lives that it once had. I suppose we've had to slightly move with that, although being out and about when everyone else wasn't driving was tricky - because at times I think we felt guilty that we had that freedom.

But what were we supposed to do? We're not just going to go sit at home and do nothing either. Hopefully, we're providing a product that people can sit and watch and enjoy. It's a bit of a soup of emotions. Hopefully, we've trodden the right path, and I think the "Dad's Car" film first up will make people go, "We haven't seen that before."

Next year is going to be your fifth series as a trio. Is there something that you would love to do to celebrate?

Paddy McGuinness: I'd like to do more stuff on me own. [Laughs] I'll just go on a little road trip; on my own in the car. I'll be happy with that.

I don't know. I think I always like it, and it's been tricky doing it at the moment with a pandemic. But I like doing stuff when the three of us are in the same vehicle together. Because when you're talking to each other on a radio, it's okay, but you miss the little nuances. When we're in the car together, I feel as though they get more out of us.

So, going forward - like we've said about maybe a trip across the States - it'd be great to do that in a big RV or something. And I think it will be quite a funny episode as well. That's what I'd like to do; something where the three of us are in the same vehicle.

Freddie Flintoff: I love the sound of that. I'd like to do a big, unplanned adventure and just see what happens. It's been God knows how long, and I'd love to be with these two going across America. To me, that'd be brilliant if and when we can start traveling again.

Chris Harris: I agree with those two and America. I think an RV, a really shonky old Winnebago for the 70s - one of those really upright ones. Pile us into that, give us a tetanus jab so we don't catch anything off upholstery, and then just send us off to experience silly American [things].

On World of Outlaws, those speedboats that do that thing - all that stuff would be brilliant. One of us will die, but it'll be worth it for the greater good.

Paddy McGuinness: Graceland, all that stuff. But I'd love to go to Alaska. I want go to Alaska, I just look at the map... Look at the size of it! It's just massive; there must be adventures to be had in Alaska.

Since you mentioned Alaska, is there any place that you would love to take the camper van across states?

Paddy McGuinness: I'm a real movie buff, so a lot of America I see from films I've loved over the years. I'd really like to see San Francisco, just because I've seen the Golden Gate Bridge on tons of Alcatraz TV shows and films. I'd love to kind of drive over that and see that place, all the windy roads. I just love all that, but that's just me.

Freddie Flintoff: I'd like to do America, but follow a music group. So you've got Graceland, you go see Sinatra stuff. Just follow the greats of music and all that.

Chris Harris: I'd do what he'd do; I'd just be going north over the Golden Gate Bridge, and I'd just go straight to Napa, and basically just stay there and drink wine.

Was there anything this series that really surprised you when you went in? Anything unscripted that brought new depths, or conversations that made you see things in a brand new light?

Paddy McGuinness: Watching it back, it was seeing the loves reactions on the road, talking to the camera. It was quite nice to see that; even though we all have different experiences with our dads, it's all the same thing essentially. We have very similar memories, so it was just nice seeing all that. It was quite surprising.

Chris Harris: We've also done a film about what we call Midlife Crisis Cars. We've taken the idea of the midlife crisis - which clearly, the three of us and the way we're dressed, we're right in the middle of one anyway - and we've turned it into a midlife opportunity.

Rather than being ashamed of what you might want to do when you're in your mid- to late 40s, and have better resources than perhaps when you were in you 20s, we've said, "Embrace it. Celebrate it." That's quite a fun film, saying, "Don't be ashamed of it." I think there's been quite a few people that watch Top Gear that might be accused of being in a bit of a midlife crisis by their loved ones. We're like a comfort blanket to them. Come and be a part of our club; we know how you feel.

Freddie Flintoff: We're all in lycra in that episode. So, if you've got an HDTV, turn it off. You'll save yourself a lot of a lot of misery.

More: 10 Best BBC Dramas, Ranked

Top Gear premieres its 30th season on Sunday, April 25 at 8pm ET/7c on BBC AMERICA and AMC+.

Freddie Flintoff, Paddy McGuinness, & Chris Harris Interview: Top Gear Season 30 from https://ift.tt/3qnhO8w

[sinning-sister]

I did a thing!

Okay, first and foremost - I made this post, because I am down as fuck. Feeling to develop a nice little depression session and I am not into the mood for that kind of fun, so I decided I will do what I wanted to do before mood swings kicked in. On the personal level, it happened mostly because of my work, my huge decision about quitting that work and the usual fear of finding a new one. I didn’t quit yet, I will do at Monday, so I am stressing about that. I also work with my mother, so when she will get the news, she will nag me and won’t stop complaining, telling me how stupid I am to leave this job, etc. So I am stressing about that too. I really don’t want to be home for months, between the four walls, because that will do no good to me - stressing about that too. Adding the constant worry, because of my soon non-existing payment and stuff - so yeah, I am trying to see the bright side of life! And not creating nice, little suicidal thoughts I used to do every time, when this happened or dragging myself so down and think about myself so low, I cannot even look into the mirror.

Adding that almost all of my RP partners are busy - so nothing can distract me really, plus I can create nice dark thoughts about how people from the internet are hating me too - I really have to solve this forming fucking huge problem.

Thanks for hearing me out.

Now, back to the fic. Two things: very big and very special thanks to @poethrotsvitha and the @theyoungerfryetwin, because both of them encouraged me in this project. I started to work on this... a month ago? 1,5 months ago? Wrote it, re-wrote it, deleted it, asked poethrotsvitha​ to send it again to me and then wanted to delete it again. (Oh yes, my friends are sooo blessed with me.) At this point theyoungerfryetwin joined in, she edited this bunch of words for me and endured my never ending complaining as well.

And now I am presenting it here.

Fucking enjoy.

The streets of London were always busy and interesting. Jacob knew that very well and wasn’t fascinated by it anymore, not like the first time he made his first steps in London and, like a baby, was completely marvelled by it. All the people, all the possibilities to have a good fight and earn good money. It was now all normal to him.

Time made him see London’s true face – the ever-grey streets, the dirt and horseshit on the cobblestone, the smog in the air from the factories. The heavy rain was the very extra London could offer. Luckily today was nice enough outside to take a walk.

Spend some years here and you’ll feel tempted to either run away or jump off of the Westminster Bridge. Especially if you often visit Whitechapel.

But not everyone shared his opinion about the city, like the 6 year-old at his side, holding Jacob’s big hand with his tiny one and still adored the street life. But Emmett had totally different reasons then his father had when he first arrived.

The people around him and their clothing, funny talking, what they were doing - it all fascinated him. However, his absolute favourite were the carriage horses. Jacob simply had to make some time to take a walk to the station once or twice a week, where the carriages were waiting for a ride, so Emmett could visit his favourite horses and pet them or sometimes feed them carrots.

The boy loved all the horses, but two of them were really close to his heart: Admiral, the black gelding and Jacqueline, an old grey mare. Their owners quickly befriended Jacob - Of course, who could say no to the leader of the Rooks? And a knight too – so sometimes Emmett could sit on the horses’ back for a short few minutes and this delighted him, laughing loudly and caressing the soft mane of the animals.

This always melted Jacob’s heart a little. Emmett was a good kid, had a soft heart. Like his mother… he inherited so much from her.

A soft tug woke him up from his thoughts and he looked down at his little one. He looked a little tired and Jacob knew this look: time for a ride.

Without a word, he bent down and grabbed the boy and like that, he was sitting in his neck, small hands fisted in his hair. Maybe people stared, but he couldn’t be bothered to care – if Emmett wanted to have a proper view of the street, he would have it. He was so short still, no wonder he got tired of seeing feet and waists only.

“Are we going to the horses?” He exclaimed happily as he noticed the familiar route.

Jacob chuckled. Some horses and he was the happiest boy in the world. “Yes we are. I promised, didn’t I?”

He just laughed and started to blabber about the animals, how happy he is to see them and what he will ask from their owner about them, and how he hoped Jacqueline will be happy too, and things like that. Kids.

Later that day, when Emmett woke up from his afternoon napping and played on the floor with his wooden toys, Jacob sat at his desk with his papers covered with numbers and reports. From time to time, his gaze drifted towards his son, who was very busy with his carved and painted wooden tiger. Apparently, the tiger had devoured half of the soldiers.

Jacob quite often wondered about his parenting. Being an assassin and a gang leader meant a hectic life, running away in the middle of the night or going away for days to fulfil a mission. Of course, he never left Emmett alone – there was a Rook girl, Elizabeth, who was more than happy to help him out, watching the boy over for him, even when he was away for a long period. In those cases, Lizzy just moved into his flat. Emmett always told him what they did while he was away, like walking to the park or to the countryside to see some more horses and some cows too, sheep and the other farm animals. Jacob was thankful for her, but worried maybe he just missed out too much. Was he around enough? Nevertheless, he needed to deal with London too.

Being a father changed him. Before having his son, Jacob was a reckless man, lived for the today only and did not really think about the tomorrow or further into his future. He always assumed he would die young – he was an assassin after all, often challenged death as he chased his enemies and tried to make the a better place. Looking back now… Did he really make the world better? Will Emmett grow up in that better world? To be honest, nothing had really changed. There will always be enemies, problems, bad people…. because that is how the world works, isn’t it? Jacob did not care, not really. He tried to make people’s lives easier, that was what he trained for, yes, but he could not change the whole country. The Queen still had her Empire, women were still not equal to men and there was still child labour. Where is his better world?

After his son’s birth, he tried to live a better life. Dying young wasn’t an option anymore. Now he had to care; now he had someone to take care for, now he wasn’t alone. And Jacob was grateful for that.

Looked down at him, the boy was still playing, but changed his mind and the tiger magically flew to the bookshelf in his owner’s hand, run to the end of it, and stopped near his desk. Emmett knew Jacob was not happy about messing with his papers – he tended to forget, but not this time. Eyes turned towards the adult man and just simply blurted out; “Why don’t I have a Mommy?”

His father wasn’t prepared for this question, literally out of nowhere. Jacob looked at him, frozen to the spot. The silence began to stretch way too long and the boy looked like he had done something wrong – Jacob was rarely angry with him, but when he was, a hard stare was enough to let Emmett know he was out of line. He raised his voice only once or twice. His hand – never. Therefore, this long silent moment clearly scared him.

Jacob cleared his throat and turned back to his papers, as if nothing happened.

“Of course you do.”

Emmett thought about that for a long moment. Did he? He really, really did?   Was he allowed to ask a second question? Well, he asked anyway. “And where is she?”

Jacob closed his eyes for a moment.  “Far away.”

“Will I ever see her?” The hope he felt found its way to his voice. He had a mother! Of course he wanted to see her! When could he see her? Now? Tomorrow? Will they visit her?

But the answer wasn’t what he’d hope for. “No.” Simple and short.

Emmett wanted to keep asking: why not? Did she hate him? Didn’t she want him and Father? Where is she? In London?

Jacob sensed his son was about to ask even more questions and he also knew maybe one day he has to face those questions, but this was not that day. He sighed, sliding to the floor next to his son. Time to explain some things to a 6 year old.

“Your mother is…. Your mother loves you, that’s important for you to know. But she can’t be with us, here. She has to be somewhere else, she is needed somewhere else… And I don’t know if we will see her ever again. She wanted to be here, to be with you… but she can’t.”

This was the most he could offer his son for now. Of course, he could never tell him the whole truth.

The little boy looked at him with those painfully familiar blue eyes. “Oh…” He looked sad for a moment, of course he did. “But… does she love me?” His eyes were on him again, full of hope.

Jacob smiled. If there was something that was for sure, was that she loved Emmett “Of course, kid! She loves you very-very much!”

Emmett could somehow manage to put a smile on his freckled cheeks. Kids were amazing, he just acknowledged he will never see his mother, but could still smile, while Jacob wanted to scream and sob.

“That’s good! I love her too! Could you tell her that? That I love her?”

He literally heard his heart breaking in two if that was even possible after what happened. “Yes, when I can, I will.”

With that, the boy turned back to his toys, continuing his campaign to help the tiger eat the remaining soldiers and Jacob just sat there for a moment. If only he could be this naïve again.

Later that night when he managed to put Emmett down to sleep, Jacob sat down at his desk again and grabbed some paper and an inkbottle with a pen. Time to fulfil the promise made to his son - their son. He pondered over the blank page for long minutes, thinking hard of what he should write, how should he put his thoughts into formed words. ‘Well, let’s start at the beginning, I think.’

 Dear Evie,