#am bad at explaining stuff so I try with visuals bleh

[shandzii]

unsure if my ask went thru bc i didnt see the popup that said it sended over so i’m typing it out again

i NEEED NEEDD a tutorial on how you draw & design mechs bc the way you draw them is literally perfection in every way. this is from an anon who wants to make mech ocs but is unsure where to start theyre so complicated to design

dusting off my tutorial brain

my style of mech is very influenced by transformers (mix of different continuities and tf artists that I like) so I look at a lot of characters for inspiration

There's a lot of stuff you could add to it too like vents, pipes, antennas, fins, wires, joints, etc..

[blapisblogs]

After that song ends and Corey Taylor gets a glimpse of something we’ll come back to later, we then cut to “young Corey Taylor” getting smacked and sassed by... Rob Scallon as the teacher? Yeah, Doug not only got Corey Taylor and his son Griff for this, he also brought in another musician. At least he got to contribute more to the music in this “review” than Corey Taylor did. Apparently he’s dating Tamara Chambers and that’s how he got involved with this (which makes the fact that Tamara’s here as one of his “students”... awkward at best), but judging by how desperately he’s tried to erase any mention of his involvement with this after the severe backlash it got, I’m guessing that he now regrets this. Anyway, hello, other Doug Walker regular Malcolm Ray. I have no clue who the other two “students” are, but I can only guess that they’re other regulars for Doug’s stuff. (Edit from the future: I think the other guy’s name is Walter? I know nothing about him except he works for Doug and I guess he likes Power Rangers.) All of them have high-pitched dubbed-in voices (I guess to make them sound younger in a “funny” way), and it’s really grating. Like... If you’ve read through my liveblogs about Sonic X, then you remember how I hated it whenever Bokkun said literally anything, right? Well it’s not quite as bad as him as far as the pitch goes, but it is just as annoying, if not even more so because there’s multiple people with high-pitched voices and the lyrics they get to sing in this part aren’t just annoying, they’re insulting.

Oh yeah, did I mention they sing for this next parody song?

If you know the album or the movie, you're probably already dreading this, and it's just as bad as you fear, maybe even worse. Yes, we’re at what’s probably the most popular song from The Wall: the BAFTA award-winning “Another Brick in the Wall (Part 2)”. If you don’t know, that song is preceded by “The Happiest Days of Our Lives”, which is so connected with it that most of the time it’s considered part of “Another Brick in the Wall (Part 2)” itself, as I’ve always heard it credited as part of that song on the radio. Doug does seem to know the difference though, as he notably does not parody the lyrics from “The Happiest Days of Our Lives”, which to me is a problem: that part is integral to knowing the story behind the song that follows it because it’s the part that talks about how the children in the school were abused by their teachers. Again, since Roger Waters based a lot of this off his own life and he grew up in a time where the teachers were legally allowed to physically and emotionally abuse their students, it’s pretty obvious that’s what the song’s about. Even without including “The Happiest Days of Our Lives”, Doug still parodied the scene where the teacher was humiliating young Pink in front of the entire class, reading his poems aloud and calling them “absolute rubbish” (though for this “review” it’s the teacher insulting Taylor’s musical taste in Pink Floyd, which is still shitty and psychologically damaging, and really upsets me as an autistic person who’s had their interests mocked multiple times). Despite all this, Doug claims Waters is just being a crybaby and exaggerating how bad his school life was when the abuse he suffered and the damage it caused him was real and very serious. You can say what you want about Waters’s ego, Doug, but making fun of someone for being abused, especially as a child, is a line that you should never cross.

It seems like Doug’s not satisfied enough with mocking what Roger Waters was talking about regarding his school life, though, because he goes as far as to mock all people who complain about school, dismissing detailed dissections of what’s wrong with today’s education system as “long-winded rants”. I’m convinced he didn’t actually read these “rants” he’s mocking, because there are serious problems with our education system. I could go into all the shitty things that I personally had to go through as an autistic kid, but you can find plenty of better, more detailed posts and articles talking about how fucked up America’s education system is today, to say nothing of what England’s school system was like in the 50′s (you know, the time period and experience Waters was clearly talking about with this), and this post is already long enough before I can even properly rip into this dreadful parody.

As the turd on top of this shit sundae, Doug Walker does a Dracula impression for part of the song because he’s saying that Roger Waters is calling all teachers “monsters” (yes, that’s literally the only reason). More specifically, it’s the Dracula played by Adam Sandler in the Hotel Transylvania franchise, where Sandler was already doing a weak impression of Bela Lugosi. Basically Doug’s doing an annoying, shitty impression of an already annoying, shitty impression.

Kill me.

[Lyrics (and snark) below the cut]

NC: We need more victimization (There are no good teachers! Not one! Not even by accident!) We need more stuff to rebel

[I know some people will complain about literally anything, but did you actually pay attention to what the album and film were saying? That teachers who abuse their students and try to quash their creativity and individuality is bad, something that Waters himself has clarified in interviews regarding the very song you’re parodying here? Do you not agree with that?]

(We don’t want to help you! We just want to eat your blood and suck your brains!) Though our education system’s broke (Wait, maybe it’s the other way around. I don’t know, I got a high school education! Muahahahaha!) This is pandering like hell

[You reviewed Norm of the North, Boss Baby, and the Emoji Movie despite none of those having ties to anything nostalgic (you even admitted as much in your review of the former), which was the entire point of the Nostalgia Critic. If that's not you pandering to your fanbase who just likes hearing you yell about bad movies, then I don’t know what is.]

(Remember that one teacher who seemed cool? He wasn’t! He was all part of the plan!) Hey! Who cares? All this bitching sells!

[Clearly it does considering your whole internet career is founded on that.]

(Remember that one teacher who seemed really kind and gave you candy?) Well oh well, we’ve got another hit in The Wall (That candy was really sugar-coated children's’ souls!) L-O-L, so school sucks. Grow a damn pair of balls.

[Okay, Boomer. You first. (Before anyone goes “well actually he’s not a Boomer”: I don’t care. This is such a Boomer message that a Boomer may as well be saying it.)]

(Children’s souls! We’re so evil! Muahahahaha!)

[I’m sorry for including all the evil laughing in this transcription, but it’s just as annoying to hear it, trust me.]

Bokkun “Child” chorus: Real cool visualizations (It’s all part of the plan so that you’re more likely to get a job when you’re older!) Milking your gloom and pity (Muahahahahaha! How terrible is that? Muahahahahaha! Muahahahaha!)

[Considering how schools in the way they operate now make students lose sleep, stresses them out over numbers that are assigned to tasks that have been forced upon them, and has been outdated for years since that’s not how most jobs work anymore... Yeah, it actually is terrible. You even said earlier that there are problems with our current education system, yet now you’re making fun of people who criticize it? Make up your mind.]

You hated school, who the hell didn’t? (It’s like those ‘90s commercials where the adults look like bad guys!) What’s next, hating DMVs? (Except they weren’t 90s commercials, they were really mini-documentaries! It’s all true! Muahahahaha!) Hey! Waters! Leave it on F-B!

[We get it already, Doug, you really hate Waters’s ego and the things he talks about in these songs. You’ve already talked about that in your previous parody, can you move onto something else about the movie that isn’t that? So far you’re making it sound like that’s the only thing worth talking about regarding this film.]

(We really don’t see what makes Cinnamon Toast Crunch so great!) All and all, complaining doesn’t mean much at all

[Well, at least you’re able to admit that your career means nothing.]

(Because we’re old! Muahahahaha!) But who cares, it’s still a damn cool song in The Wall (Bleh bleh bleh bleh, I’m a teacher, bleh bleh bleh bleh!)

[In case anyone was wondering why I said it was Adam Sandler’s shitty Bela Lugosi impression he was doing and not just a shitty Bela Lugosi impression, there you go. (For those who don’t get it: the “bleh bleh bleh” thing is a recurring “joke” in at least the first Hotel Transylvania. Yes, it’s as lame as it sounds.)]

We still need more persecutions (Muahahahahahaha! Ahehahahahahehe suck your blood, bleh!) (??) need to hear you (???) (Stabula!)

[I’m giving this my best shot, I really am, but... all I hear for that last set of question marks there is a really inappropriate c-word.]

What are you big boys to say school’s lame? Based on a long-winded rant?

[Hmm, posts and articles made by people who know what they’re talking about explaining how the American school system (since that’s what you’re basing this on rather than the one Waters wrote about) needs some serious retooling in order to cause less burnout, stress and trauma with literal children that can and will affect them in the short and long term when they grow up, or some internet jackass who gets paid for yelling at things and hasn’t been to a high school since at least the 90′s. Gee, I wonder whose opinion on that subject matters more in this situation. (That was sarcasm, by the way, for those who couldn’t tell.)]

Hey! Twitter! (???) bloody (???)!

[I’ve tried my best to figure out what they’re saying here, but this is one of the few times that I cannot actually tell no matter how hard I try, I’m sorry.

So anyway, the TL;DR version of what I think of what this parody song has to say about the original can be summed up in one Kermit gif:

...Why aren’t I watching The Great Muppet Caper instead?]

[secretsofthemasquerade]

WoD Prelude: Vampire end-game review

World of Darkness Preludes: Vampire and Mage on steam, ios and google play store

This review is about the game in a vacuum. I will make another post about the authors, the meaning behind it, and WWP as a whole. This is, let’s say, a drama-free, spoiler-free review of the game as a game, ignoring everything else.

Thanks to @abadbadman (whom I can’t tag for some reason… thanks again so much <3) I’ve been able to play the VtM/Mage preludes. This is a spoiler-free game review now that I finished it! I also recommend this very well made, spoiler free steam review. 

I have liveblogged it and with the tag “secrets liveblogs” you can avoid spoilers. I try and put the most heavy stuff under “read more” but sometimes shit happens sorry :p

What kind of game is it?

It’s a choose your own adventure text-based game. You’re texting your contacts and have, sometimes, options to “fill in the blanks”.. So you have “some” leverage to how you “did” things as you tell them to your contacts. So your game system is just your mouse (or your finger if mobile version) to choose the options. No QTE, no skill involved. There’s no stats, you don’t know what you’re good at, or bad at, and you don’t really choose who you text or what you choose to not tell them. You cannot rewind, but you can restart any chapter.

Except there’s little to no “choose your own adventure”, and more of “pick the right choice”, which can be incredibly frustrating. I died so many times xD

So, it’s a very linear game. Which in and out of itself defeats the purpose of licensing a RPG... 

The music and sound effects, which I didn’t mention in my first review, were fine and nice. I usually play soundless, this is why I didn’t mention it previously.

The characters. Some of them are really well developed, but the protagonist (Case) is just uninteresting af, is it a self insert by Zak? And for many, my question is “why are they even here?”. They’re all insane, though, nobody texts “like a normal person”. I mean, it’s full of rambles and trips all the time, there’s only very few people who have a normal, believable text conversation (even taking into account the vampiric aspect of it). Everyone’s drugged out of their minds, how am I supposed to sympathize, feel a connection, or get into the character’s mind? Nothing anyone does is remotely rational (again, even taking into account the whole vampiric stuff). Why isn’t there a block option? Or ignore? And the “high end characters” just.. lack elegance, to say the least.

The art. the whole aesthetic of the game, I just don’t like it, I dislike modern art, I hate how sometimes the author(s) added in a “oh, I drew this” to jerk off and show off their artz. They serve no purpose, they give no clues that can be read and tbh they’re just useless for me as a player. If they were more accessible and not just a splash of ink on paper, I’d actually be able to have them be “in game” and use them. Most of them are sent from the other main character, who has “dreams”, they are supposed to be important! But I can’t even read them. Am I that dense? Am I not working hard enough to get in the artsy mood? Blah. What I really did like, was the interface of the mobile, the name, the color coding. That was really well done. So, good job on UI!!:)

The story. It’s not a terrible story; it’s just pretty nonsensical, some decisions are very out of character, or at least out of context; so you know you’re being hunted down, but you accept an invite to a random high society house for a drug-party. Why do I want to go there? Why am I not doing X or Y instead? Why didn’t I keep contact with whatever? But there are moments where your “battery is dying”, that’s nice. Too bad that’s the only thing i can really salvage. There is a hint of a Bloodlines character being there, though! And a few real names are used as well.

The writing. There’s clear research on wording, phrasing, and characterization through dialogue; I can differentiate most characters easily. There are great lines in there, but overall it’s drowned in the clusterfuck of spam that gives me no real information to make any decision, everyone uses weird non-factual wording, and you just go along with the drug-high. Maybe, again, I’m too dense to “see the vision of the author(s)”? I had a few laughs, and I really enjoyed most of what wasn’t a drug ramble of random stuff (”and this is how I’m here in the gutter dying but I wanted to say goodbye” for instance, or “but I’m weak and an idiot and now [killer] has a new shitty phone”), but there are really a bunch of misses “but he was too strong I knew it would fail” while you’re being killed is just bleh. What I absolutely cannot accept is that “hey, use voice to text to be stealthy” few aspects that happen mid-to-late-game. Do these people know who voice to text work? Also, the writing of those texts is terrible (they really look typed, instead of “computer heard and typed for you”, aka, there’s no “god damn autocorrect” moments, cuz you all know how voice to text, hushed and fast, can do shit). That’s just poor research/work, or at best, it’s plain laziness.

Mechanically speaking.

The game is sometimes broken because when you “retry”, you often have no choices in your options (like there’s only one option and it kills you), which means you need to restart the full chapter (which is long sometimes). 

Unlike Princess Makers, where you really need to restart the FULL GAME at each death (no rewind, but considering how short and easy to skip these games are, it’s only enhancing replayability), this ability to “try again and pick the right option ;)” is a bit annoying; not because I get to try again, but because of the god damn dead ends that force me one way, which is shitty for a choose your own adventure game. Being able to read back the texts and so is nice, though.

Sometimes the game goes black “you died” before you even had the time to read what happened. That’s poor coding as well.

Choices were sometimes weird; just “turning around the corner” gets you killed without any explanation, but other totally random shits nope. Why? I mean, there’s no reason. At least Ming Xiao explains you stuff and while you’re fucked, the ending feels satisfying to the player (you had it coming though lol). What about non-death end-games ? Like “And you finished as a slave of [person] while texting lobotomized shit to your friends”. That would have been fine. But no, nothing like that.

The fact that I knew almost nothing about my character and what they know of other characters is just stupid. There’s also no instance where I can choose who to text, the game forces me one way and tough luck, I fucking hate that when I’m being told it’s a game about choices and agency. I felt I had almost none. I felt railroaded to the “right choice” all along, and because the game didn’t carry on despite my failure (like a good visual novel does 95% of the time), it was a frustrating experience.

As a game, it’s a failure. As a story, it’s a failure. In terms of progressiveness and bringing something out there, it’s a failure, it’s worse than that, it’s a step back. There are far better choose your own adventure games, and apart from dropping some names, this has almost nothing to do with VtM ; many twists of the lore, way too many exceptions... Everyone’s a special snowflake and I hate that. No surprise there.

I felt I was playing Damsel (in a very, very bad way). “Fuck off” or “you’re disgusting!” isn’t a choice, you dense assholes.

You might not want to buy it because of the controversy about the authors. I say don’t buy it because it’s bad. We deserve better.