#am I remembering things wrong about this??? im doing all of this off of memory so I could be completely wrong about this

[yearnerspermit]

I’ve seen people bring up the fact that at the end of 2x04 Louis and Armand are fighting and then boom, start of 2x05 they’re the most sickly sweet in love we’ve seen them yet

I could be misremembering things. But uh. We haven’t heard anything about the removed diary pages since Louis asked to see them at the end of 2x01 and Armand agreed to gather them for him, have we?

Louis definitely hasn’t been given them because we know what’s in those pages, and we know it’s something Armand is trying to protect Louis from. But Louis was pretty insistent about it. And he hasn’t followed up on that at all since.

I’ve seen the interpretation that the beginning of 2x05 lovesick storytelling is just Louis and Armand putting up a united front to make up for fighting in front of Daniel before that. But the diary page discussion doesn’t happen in front of him. They have no reason to pretend in front of him for that particular thing.

Louis asked for the diary pages, Armand agreed. Louis was never given them. And we haven’t heard anything about it since.

I could see the performative unity interpretation of the 2x05 scene if it were in isolation. But both of these happen as they’re getting ready to sleep — getting ready to rest — and then the story abruptly forgets they ever happened. They parallel each other too closely for me to think the writers don’t want us to connect those

Armand, for as loving and protective as I know he’s trying to be, as well intentioned as I know he thinks he is, has rewritten the memory and mind and intentions and feelings of the love of his life multiple times in a matter of days

[quarks-pussy]

So I know we here at Startrekfandom love that "came back wrong but from the pov of the wrong" thing and apply it to many different characters and canon situations and I am far from trying to complain about it (I'm "came out wrong" trope myself so I was always gonna obsess over it) but having recently watched a very important episode (you'll know which one) for the first time I think there's a character who hits both tropes mentioned but llike, intertwined, opposite and subverted, and whom I wanna talk about.

Julian Bashir.

From his parents' pov he's "came out wrong but we got him help and he came back better" while from his own pov it's "came out 'insufficient', was destroyed for it, came back wrong and only later slowly came to terms with his new self tho never the process (justifiably so)" and it's heartbreaking because in a way, he's right! Jules Bashir died! His parents had an intellectually disabled child and decided to eugenics him! Julian is not the person he used to be and while I do love the person he is now, that doesn't bring back who he was! Part of me wishes we could've gotten to see Jules at least once and part of me hopes we never do because my heart would shatter.

This isn't a good comparison but nonetheless one I can't help drawing: it's giving similar vibes to anti-vaxxers. "I'd rather risk having a child who is dead than one who's autistic". Obviously this doesn't map over since Julian is still autistic and the procedure his parents subjected him to specifically targeted his intellectual disability and if any folks with id wanna comment on this I definitely recommend you listen to them over me, but it's a similarity I, as an autistic who has encountered anti-vaxxers again and again, can't help but point out. "Give me a normal child or give them death."

This may have been written about already but there needs to be stories about teenage Julian (after finding out and rediscovering who he was) practicing some good ol' recognition of the self through media. I need to hear about how he would encounter a story about someone who came back wrong (I'm gonna assume there's plenty of "wrong" pov stories floating around by the 24th century) and absolutely weep. I need to see Julian mourning Jules, taking years and years to process his feelings, experiencing guilt about how he, the imposter, didn't deserve to live Jules' life.

Came back wrong from the returned's pov but it wasn't an accident. It was done to you deliberately by the people who claim to love you. And now you are here, piloting the corpse of your predecessor.

Jules Bashir is dead. Long live Julian Bashir.

[dontpulloutman]

we did the thing!

singer!yn x lewis pullman a/n: the semester is DONE i have roughly a month to completely brainrot over lew (and co.)

(masterlist)

liked by pascalispunk, marvelstudios, and 2,843,838 others

yourinstagram we did the thing!🤵‍♂️💍👰‍♀️

a few weeks ago, i gained the privilege to say that i married my best friend. (guys!!! that's my husband in the fourth pic!! isn't he so dreamy 😍) surrounded by family and our closest friends, we shared our vows.

my publicity team told me to write a meaningful message about how i'm overjoyed and thrilled, and don't get me wrong, i AM but MY HUSBAND is currently cooking breakfast shirtless and he's distracting me so like...

brb,

Mrs. LJ Pullman

View 27,244 comments

anniehoax GIRL.....

florencepugh congrats again you two! 😂���️ tell Lewis to take it easy on you 😂😂

l0vedstory ON MAIN??? ON YOUR MAIN ACCOUNT?!1??1!

dannyramirez Already preparing for future godfather duties! 😂🍼🍼

sunriseblvd a few weeks ago??? how long is their honeymoon??? a whole year????

yourinstagram yep sunriseblvd WHAT THE FUCK babieonboard YN???????? yourinstagram im just kidding

yoyogeraldine CONGRATS TO MY PARENTS I LOVE YOU GUYS!! 💘🎉🎉

ynmom Welcome to the family (forever and officially) Lew! ❤️

yourinstagram we love you momma! xx sentryybob "we" as in ... yn and lewis? MY HEART

ynsister ugh ure so cringe pls delete (i am SO ready to be an aunt ty ily)

yourinstagram 😜 (you would be the best aunt ever!! i love you too)

floydwso ITS SO OFFICIAL YN'S FAM AND FRIENDS ARE POSTING ABT THE WEDDING TOO

liked by yourinstagram, and 12,849 others

ynsister so... they did it! they finally got married! (yn don't cancel me for this) ten years ago, i remember waking up at 2am because my sister wont stop calling me. i was half-dead/half-asleep from college but that would never stop me from picking up one of her calls. i REALLY thought there was an emergency.....

she's calling because she met a guy. "super cute. in a nerdy way you know i can't resist" IN VERBATIM BTW ... the way she gushed about him.. you would think they've known each other for 20 years (she literally just got home from the party they met at) imagine my surprise when they take YEARS to finally get together!! these jackasses!! THEY PISSED ME OFF SO MUCH THEY GOT ME SO STRESSED med school who???? (naturally, in the same call, she plays the song she's writing about him) anyway...

yn, you're the best sister anybody could ever have. you're the smartest, funniest, most annoying person in my life and i love you everyday. i'll really miss sharing the same last name with you.

to my older brother lew, i know that there's nobody in this world that can love her the way you do. please take care of her. she's my sister, and one of the people i love most in the world. you said it yourself, "happy wife, happy life"... have those fruit snacks ready at all times HAHAHAH here's to more memories! :)

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yourinstagram STOP YOURE GONNA MAKE ME CRY i love you so much, lil sis <33 see you soon

ynmom Are these the 'outtakes' of your maid of honor speech?

ynsister yes :(

taglist: — feel free to comment or send an ask to be added! :) @pearlstiare @yesshewrites1 @secretkittydreamland @greengoldhorns @menrsluts @fandom-geek17 @ashaluuler @homiesexual-or-homosexual @naushtheaspiringauthor @lizzie8878 @ae-aeitch

[urlocalmultigroupfan]

ᴇx ᴘᴛ 𝟷 ༘ ⋆｡ ˚ (이민호)

pairing: lee minho x fem!reader

summary: based off of ex by stray kids

tags/warnings: angsty, bittersweet, slow heartbreak, quiet pain, two povs, not fully proofread.

a/n: hihi guys! this is my last release before my summer hiatus <3 over the hiatus, i will be releasing some scheduled posts! this is part 1 of a new series i am starting called ex!! ik, ik, i still have its okay, im okay, to do, but i will get that released soon! promise 😛😛 love you guys!! this is making me suffer burn out help

credits to @hyuneskkami for dividers!!

[pt 1] pt 2 pt 3

masterlist!

You don’t remember the exact moment it broke.

That’s the thing about slow heartbreaks — they don’t announce themselves like a storm. They arrive in silence. In the words you don’t say. In the glances you start avoiding. In the space between held hands and held breath.

It wasn’t one fight. Not even a big one.

Just… little things. The way he stopped texting you first. How you hesitated before calling him “babe.” The growing pile of things you both ignored just to keep pretending you were okay.

But love doesn’t thrive in pretense.

And neither did you.

You used to think Minho loved quietly. The kind of love that looked like packing your lunch when you forgot. The way his fingers would find yours under the table. That half-smile he only gave you when you were rambling about something stupid and beautiful.

But toward the end, the quiet started to feel cold.

And the smile? It stopped coming at all.

You asked him one night — not angrily, not dramatically. Just… honestly.

“Do you still love me?”

He didn’t answer.

And that was your answer.

You left before he could.

It wasn’t pride. Or anger.

It was self-preservation.

Because staying in a place where you were once loved and now tolerated — that was a kind of slow death. And you weren’t ready to bury yourself in the memory of someone who couldn’t even say “I miss you” anymore.

He didn’t stop you.

Didn’t chase after you.

Didn’t text that night.

Or the one after.

And in some twisted way, that made it easier. And harder.

All at once.

Now it’s been three weeks.

Three weeks since the sound of his voice filled your kitchen. Since you wore his hoodie to sleep. Since you heard that laugh that always started in his chest and echoed in yours.

You see him on Instagram sometimes — tagged in photos with friends, smiling like the world didn’t end between you.

And still, somehow, you miss him.

Not the version of him from the end.

But the one from before.

The one who used to pull you close when you were quiet for too long and whisper, “I’m not going anywhere.”

The irony makes you sick.

One night, when the loneliness gets louder than your pride, you let yourself listen to that song.

The one he said reminded him of you.

It hurts more now.

But you don’t skip it.

Because part of you is still clinging to the ghost of what you had — of what maybe still could be, if only…

You don’t finish the thought.

You just close your eyes, sink into the ache, and wonder:

Does he miss me like I miss him?

Meanwhile, across the city, Minho is staring at your contact on his phone for the third time that night.

He hasn't deleted your texts. Not a single one.

And he hates himself for not stopping you.

But he was scared.

Of losing you.

Of loving you wrong.

Of holding on so tightly that you’d disappear anyway.

Now you’re gone.

And it’s killing him slowly.

Because no one else gets his sarcasm like you. No one calls him out when he gets in his own head. No one makes him feel like home the way you did, just by showing up.

He wants to fix it.

He just doesn’t know how.

Not yet.

But he will.

hope yall enjoyed <33

todays playlist... (was pausing and unpausing most of the time)

ex by stray kids, zone by 3racha, anpanman by bts, what it is by doechii, brought the heat back by enhypen, lalalala by stray kids, dna by bts, golden hour by jvke, you by regard, tate mcrae, and troye sivan, lovin on me by jack harlow, can't take my eyes off of you (extended version) by boys town gang, bejeweled by taylor swift, selfish by justin timberlake, this is america by childish gambino

taglist: @rockstarkkami @sirloncelot-of-bananas @jisunggy @me-on-a-archive @hyunjiiza @hvseunq143 @highway-143 @hyuneskkami

[karaaaak]

Is it 4 am when I posted this, yes. Do I car. No. Get attacked with my draft about some things about some of the specters I find neat! If anything I say in this post is wrong, or could have something added to it I would LOVE feedback, I’m still getting the hang of long form posts lol

Anywho! Most of my point here are going to be from either Wikipedia or someone else’s post. I have really bad memory so if I say something that seem familiar to a post you or someone you know made then people mention it and I’ll tag them!

First specter I’m gonna talk about is Eulalie’s.

Eulalies specter, as show, is a chimera, more specifically a Baku!

Baku’s are “Japanese supernatural beings that are said to devour nightmares”. Which explains Eulalie dreameating and possibly also the dispeller of evil spirits ability

Another fact I found interesting is that in a legend about the Baku “a child would wake up form a nightmare and call for the Baku by repeating “Baku-San, come eat my dream” three times. Then the Baku will come into the child’s room and eat the nightmare and the child will go back to sleep peacefully. However calling the Baku should be used sparingly, because if they remain hungry after eating a nightmare they may also devour the child’s hopes and dreams as well.”

Im not to sure if that is relevant to Eulalies character at all but I felt like it was worth adding!

Another thing that many have pointed out is that the markings of Eulalies arms resemble burn marks. Along with the fact that after using her dispeller of evil spirits ability she coughs a flame of fire.

Next specter I wanna talk about is Bernice’s!

I don’t have too too much to talk about with her specter, just some bits and bobs I picked up on rereads

Bernice’s specter in one of my favorites, just because of the fact it’s similar to a self defense mechanism for lack of a better term. Basically what I mean by that is the things she list is death her specter has a large amount of, and another things. Which leads me to the mouths.

The mouths, to me, are extremely interesting. If i remember correctly I read this on a post so credit or op even though I can’t remember who it was 😭. But the placements of the mouths on her specter could be the places she was touched without consent and/or inappropriately. The mouths seem to work as a self defense to her body, biting at whoever comes near on their own. Proctecting those spot of her.

Another thing about her design is the focus on teeth. First then her death and her teeth falling out, and on her specter, with the large teeth on the extra mouths. This association comes from the Edgar Allen Poe story she was based on, Bernice. If you haven’t read it I will spare you you read and put the wiki summary here

“The story is narrated by Egaeus, who is preparing to marry his cousin Berenice. He tends to fall into periods of intense focus, during which he seems to separate himself from the outside world. Berenice begins to deteriorate from an unnamed disease until only her teeth remain healthy. Egaeus obsesses over them. When Berenice is buried, he continues to contemplate her teeth. One day, he awakens with an uneasy feeling from a trance-like state and hears screams. A servant reports that Berenice's grave has been disturbed, and she is still alive. Beside Egaeus is a shovel, a poem about "visiting the grave of my beloved", and a box containing 32 teeth.”

Weird, i know. 😭

Another thing is her pearls. I couldn’t find any mentions of pearls in her story but she has a strange association with them. From them falling off during her death, her having many of them in her specter, and even her outfit in the fast pass episode (fast pass at the time of writing this but ep 126). I’m not to sure what this mean but i figured it throw it in!

Im think thats all imma do in this post, maybe if i find motivation ill make a reblog of this with Ada and Monty (if not Monty then Annabel)

[starry-bi-sky]

For the Danyal Al Ghul AU: How would Danyal react to other canon events like when Sam wishes she never met Danny, Tucker wishes for powers, the christmas episode, or other DP canon events?

(Also, I assume Danyal's cover is blown by the reality Gaunlet event.)

Ohooho I love this question. So im only gonna respond to the episodes you mentioned, since it's been a while since i actually watched the show and I don't remember all the episodes. And also since I don't remember them fully, I'm gonna get details wrong. I am fine with that, it still gets the gist down lol. I've got the tvtropes recap page pulled up, so i'll be using that to try and hit the major points it mentions.

So, Memory Blank! Man I've thought about that one, and its the one I'm frankly most excited to answer because it gets to show just how much of a positive impact being friends with Sam and Tucker had on Danyal. So where to start? Their fight goes differently than in canon, but I'm going to start from after Sam makes her wish.

Firstly; she and Tucker are friends, but the two of them are not friends with Danny. He's on his own. In this au, the three of them became friends when they were 11 and Danny's been in Amity Park for about a year.

They met in the beginning with Sam trying to befriend him at first because she realized that they shared similar ideals on environmentalism, but he rebuffed her pretty harshly due to a combination of grief over leaving his home, trying to process the fact that he can never return and will never see his brother again or meet his father, and just plain League arrogance lmao. He really hated being in Amity Park just in general because it wasn't his home and it was the city too.

So he was really rather unapproachable in the beginning. People kept a pretty wide berth of him due to Fenton association and his own vibes.

But Danny's still a kid, and they want socialization with their peers. At 11 he didn't have any friends, and was frankly quite lonely. He decided to approach Sam and Tucker after deeming them "acceptable allies", although Sam wasn't really interested at first up until he did the equivalent of apologizing. Tucker warmed up first afterwards, but Sam really wasn't too far behind.

So thats how they became friends, post-wish though? Lets say that Sam didn't accept the apology and rebuffed Danny, and kinda intimidated Tucker into doing the thing. Danyal closed down, backed off, and then never approached them again because he decided right then and there he wasn't going to chase it. Wasn't worth his effort or time.

Then he just. never approached another person after that because he didn't want to get rebuffed again (he wouldn't admit that it hurt a bit), and he could already tell his efforts wouldn't work. He turned his attention to other stuff. In this timeline it wasn't too difficult to find him at events dedicated to combatting climate change, deforestation, light pollution, animal cruelty, etc. the LOA is an environmentalist group, after all. They just also happen to be eco-fascist assassins-for-hire.

In summary, Sam and Tucker helped Danyal realize the flaws in some of the League's beliefs (the fascism) to the point where he could deconstruct it on his own. Being friends with them made him realize that, frankly, genocide was not the answer to environmental equilibrium, and that the people outside of the League had lives worth living. They also helped quell his arrogance, and just in general influenced him to become kinder even if it doesn't look like that all the time to other people. Sam and Tucker make him laugh, and smile, and just happy.

OG Danyal: wears pretty casual teen clothes. More punky-aesthetic. Has multiple ear piercings. These were self-done. Will have a lip piercing by the time he reunites with Damian, mark my words. Can and will wear muscle tees. Makes puns, jokes, is generally sassy with his friends. Can, will, and has climbed shit he shouldn't be because he enjoys the challenge of scaling a building. It's also very funny seeing Tucker and Sam reenact the "Gregory! HOW DID YOU GET UP THERE?!" meme. Still has a questionable moral compass, but like, he's not an eco-fascist.

This Timeline Danyal: dresses much more sophisticated; dark academia vibe. Closed off, cold. Is 2x more likely to kill someone than OG Danyal, who was frankly, pr kosher with murder already but only if he deemed it extremely necessary. Still an eco-fascist.

Danyal without Sam and Tucker? Still believes in the teachings of the League because he has not been really challenged on them. In fact, he has doubled down on it, actually. Living in the city, growing up estranged and ostracized by his peers, has only strengthened his resolve that all of humanity minus the league (and the Fentons) deserves to be wiped out. He is disgusted by the people around him and desperately wants to go home, even more than the last timeline. The only reason he hasn't is for Damian's sake, but he's been checking in with mother whenever she visits and asking to find a way to come home. She's been steadily wearing down on it; her child is miserable here.

This version of Danyal should not have powers, and is, essentially on the fast track of rejoining the league -- doubly so when he hears Damian is living with father. Clearly it's safe enough for him to be with father, if mother allowed it, and father has become safe enough for Damian to live there. Good. With the threat of two heirs being in the League gone, Danny can return with Mother's permission. And. he probably takes Jazz (and the Fenton parents) with him. Forcibly if he has to.

So Sam has her work cut out for her here, a lot more than in canon, because even when she does tell him that they used to be friends in another timeline, and he believes it, he is not going to give a shit. Clearly they were not as good of friends as she thought they were, if she had wished they never met in the first place. Good riddance, then. This Danny is cold, incredibly hurt, and very closed off.

He is a cave wall in comparison to the Danny Sam knew, and talking to him feels like walking into one. Because he is looking at her with just utter disgust and disdain, keeping a distance like he is revolted by her presence and allergic to her and everyone else's touch.

Which really, really fucking hurts when she knows that in their last timeline, he would actively seek out her and Tucker's company and affection. Sam could read her best friend like an open book, and now its like she's trying to read one in another language she barely speaks. This boy used to smile at her, he used to laugh at Tucker's jokes, and he was so passionate about the things he enjoyed. Now he looks at her like he wants nothing more than for her to drop dead on the spot.

It hurts even more knowing that her last words to her Danny were the words, 'some days i wish we never met'; the way he looked at her afterwards haunts her. For a split second, he looked completely crushed and heartbroken, before his entire body language and expression shut off and he totally closed down on her.

Because by this point in his friendship with her and Tucker, he's told them, he has told them, in a very intimate moment of vulnerability, that they are one of the best things that's happened in his life -- right there alongside the day he first met his baby brother. They are very important to him, and he has finally felt comfortable enough with telling them. There's not a day that goes by that he isn't grateful for their friendship.

So to hear Sam say that some days she wishes they never met? well. That breaks his heart. Just- just a little bit. Sam regrets it the moment it leaves her mouth, and she immediately tries to apologize, but Danny immediately spits back; "Well. I hope you get your wish." and then stalks off.

I'm warring with myself here trying to decide whether or not this new timeline Danyal is at a "point of no return", where nothing Sam says is going to make him attempt to reignite that friendship. Clearly that will end badly anyways, if this is the result of that friendship. He's cut all ties from these people; he feels no prerogative to fix things she broke.

Like, the version of Danyal I'm thinking of here has no close bonds with anyone in the city sans Jazz -- and she? has her own life outside of Danny. She is not his keeper, not his caretaker, and certainly not his therapist. (which i have beef about too, considering how she gets boiled down to 'therapist with no life of her own' but im not going into that.) She has some influence on him, but frankly not enough to really make him challenge his beliefs. Danny cares about her that, if he returns to the league, she is coming with him. Or at the very least, will be spared from the League's goals.

Mmmm. I can't make it a total point of no return though. Sam's very stubborn, and she knows Danny. And while this Danny is still very different, he is still Danny. She'll try and befriend him insistently in a way that might annoy him, but at least not push him away further.

(Tucker, meanwhile, is just soo confused about Sam's very random, very abrupt switch up. Cuz girl he thought you hated this guy? Why are you suddenly trying to get all buddy-buddy with the terrifying Fenton kid. Have you been possessed? Is this some kind of crisis?)

(Sam drags Tucker into befriending Danny because he is the only person she knows that can get him to belly laugh. Tucker is mildly terrified but going along with it.)

Anyways this does end with Sam befriending Danny, or at least getting him to like her long enough that he'll pick up a ghost weapon and face off against Desiree. There's no way in hell he's walking into that portal, that last timeline might have been a 1/billionth chance of it happening and he's not dying for the chance to get powers. And frankly with his training -- which he's probably kept up with even more than the old timeline because he had no one to spend his time with -- he doesn't really need them to be good at fighting them. Just show him how to ghost proof a weapon and he'll handle the rest from there.

But Sam does end up undoing the wish and getting back to her own original timeline in the end. It's the morning after her fight, and the literal first thing she does that morning is get her shoes on and fucking sprriiint to the fenton house. Bursts into tears when she sees Danny and apologizes over and over again. She swears she didn't mean any of it, and to please believe her, and Desiree's still loose and they need to stop her, and she's had the worst time.

She does tell him about the other timeline she just went through, and she hopes that, if it still exists, that that Danyal manages to find friends in the Sam and Tucker there after this. And if not them, then anyone.

Danny's still pretty hurt by what she said, it cut really deep, but he forgives her.

-----

Tucker getting his powers! Frankly things gooo... relatively the same as canon, I think? Actually, no. Danny probably figures out the whole Genie "i wish you would go back into your lamp" thing faster than canon danny since he's not a C student lmao. TV.Tropes doesn't give me too much specifics for a recap on the plot, so we're gonna wing it. For the plot I'm going to say that Tucker gets his powers before Danny figures out the "i wish" thing, which happens relatively quickly.

Danny tries to be... rather supportive of his friend getting powers? Especially since, in comparison to Danny, it was rather painless. However, he's also very suspicious. He doesn't trust the source of Tucker's powers, and warns him to be careful and to let Danny know if he feels off in anyway.

Tucker does end up helping Danny a few times, but the quick progression of his powers and Tucker's willingness to use them more often than not worries him. He reminds him a handful of times that Tucker shouldn't rely on his powers to help -- not even Danny does that. He prefers to use his weapons and martial arts to fight instead. Tucker doesn't listen.

And they end up fighting anyways. Things get resolved, everything turns out okay!

------

Christmas episode straight up just. doesn't happen. Danyal doesn't care enough about the Fenton arguing or about Christmas to be upset about said arguing. He thinks its really childish, but he's not a grinch about all of it.

--------

Okay it wasn't explicitly mentioned but i have thought about TUE. And I'm trying to think how that would go because it's the result of Danny getting his hands on the math answers and cheating. Which Danyal would not do.

And someone mentioned in the comments on my ao3 under the oneshots there that TUE might just straight up not happen. Which makes sense, Danyal is so different from canon that things don't have to always happen like it did in canon. So that's something I need to chew about, cuz if it does happen, then I'm going to figure out a different way for it to.

[maskedtako]

Love Bullet Cupid pearlapis/lapearl

I want to start this by saying- I am NOT a writer. i SUCK at writing and grammar, and i really suck at illustrating very emotional stuff- which is why most of my aus is just cool concepts that would be fun to think about.

This wont be a story and more like my idea written down in a weird way- so it's bad and doesnt read like a fic- actually i have no idea how it reads ^^;; With that in mind. Love Bullet Cupid pearlapis/lapearl AU

(Also just putting this all in a single post because im new to posting in tmblr and im bad with pacing stuff -head in hands- ) ---------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------

Lapis got into an accident that shot her car off a cliff and into the cold ocean. Her actual death is the water that flooded her car and drowned her.

She woke up years later just at the edge of the water, her weapon already sitting by her side. With no guide she had to figure out stuff on her own.

--Stray Bullets --

Pearl was one of Lapis’s early Targets (this was before chapter 7+ where we learn about the Target Board)

Being emotionally inept Lapis had a hard time landing shots that lasted, often pairing up the wrong people and wasting bullets when it had no effect at all.

She stumbles into a pair (Rose and pearl)

Maybe they were childhood friends that just stuck together, or middle school buds that never split.

This time even Lapis could tell that Pearl has a special connection with Rose, especially with how much the peach blonde kept following her around.

So, thinking that this was a safe shot to take. Lapis aims her gun at Pearl who was looking at Rose and boom! ♥

Finally! a successful pair.

Before Lapis could celebrate the first red in her gun’s love gauge she notices another person arriving. 

A chill going down her spine as she recognises the heart eyes in Rose's eyes that’s directed at Greg

Shit.

Did she just pair this girl with an already established couple?

Lapis lowers her gun as she stares at Pearl's back, watching the couple flirt.

Shit.

Lapis tries to brush it off, another whoopsie, who cares, she doesn't.

Or at least she shouldn't. But she couldn't wave away the guilt she felt for essentially fucking up this girl's life.

So while taking missions nearby (and messing them up) Lapis quietly follows Pearl's life, watching her burning love, her never ending yearning and the deep sadness that lingers her form. The merciless pain piercing through both of them.

(Parallel to my theory that Lapis has seen Pearl's memories when she was in the mirror and stored them in her gem. 

Always there, watching but never able to do anything [ hearts in pearl's eyes never fading away ] )

Lapis sits on the balcony, elbow on her knee, chin in her hand, watching Pearl with half-lidded, awkward eyes. Pearl stares ahead, her expression a raw mix of love and pain as she looks at Rose.

Lapis watches as the years go by, horribly failing at her cupid missions; she neglects them in favor of following Pearl around. Watching everything.

Watching her confront Rose when she got pregnant

Watching her pain when Rose died during childbirth.

Watching her work hard to help Greg with raising Steven while constantly mourning her love, never ever getting over it as years goes by.

When Steven was 13 years old, a terrible accident happened. 

Exhausted from years of overworking, Pearl lost her footing and fell down a large flight of stairs.

Lapis watches in silent horror as her target tumbles down, bump by bump, before ending with a bloom of red circling her head like a halo.

She died shortly.

-- Pearl --

Pearl remembers her body becoming cold, desolate and lonely.

She's tired, very tired, and sleep was beckoning her.

In the dark cold she recalls a wish

A wish to be loved.

Pearl wakes up in a pile of Rose petals, her hands brushes against a shotgun buried under the flowers.

And the first thing she sees is an angel perched on the stairs she fell from, crouched, messy hair with a rifle hanging from her shoulders.

The first thing she heard was a quiet chuckle.

"What a horrible way to die"  

---------------------------------------------

Them as cupids!

bonus since this is kinda ooc

[yaekiss]

Oh damn shout out to 🪻anon. im gonna try and not spend every moment.thinking about blade and mydei competing

also qi. qi. pretty please. share resurrection thing. 🥺. if u want. but please. but only if u wanna. but 🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺

im eepy i givr u kisses now (*‘ω‘ *)💛

reallll 🪻 nonnie is not only cooking irl but also cooking w the blorbo ideas 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🧑‍🍳🧑‍🍳🧑‍🍳

anyways! the resurrection thing!! half-baked yandere plot idea under the cut! I typed a whole 400 ramble in a dm to myself LOL so forgive me if the formatting or pacing is awful. [post writing qi here. this thing is no longer 400 words...]

You wake up disoriented, unable to remember what happened before you... Passed out? The floor is nice and polished and clean elsewhere except for the spot you laid on. It's a little grimy and darkened but oh well. At least you're not in pain.

You inspect yourself for injuries. Something's definitely wrong when you look down and. Alarm floods through your system.

This isn't your body.

???? What happened? You wrack your brain for memories but all you can remember are snippets from before you blacked out. Despite your best efforts, you can't recall anything that deductively explains this jarring situation.

You'd try to find more clues however, you're snapped out of your thoughts when someone walks into the room, eyes widening as they see you. "You're awake...!" They rush over from the doorframe, immediately fretting over you, asking if you feel alright, if anything hurts.

Although the person's appearance was sudden, a sense of familiarity seems to rise up within you. You're not close friends with them but maybe you've seen them around in passing somewhere? ...Or maybe it has something to do with the person whose body you're inhabiting?

You're now presented with an internal dilemma: Do you confess the truth or play it cool? The person fussing over you right now probably knew the person whose body you're in well, if not, why would they be so touchy? Confessing the truth would backfire, given how much they care for "you". But obviously you're still missing a lot of info about "yourself", so you play it off as a temporary sort of memory lost (hey makes sense after waking up right from something bad enough to worry someone so much over right?) to try and understand more about this situation you've been thrust into.

Feigning weakness, you put a hand up to your head, "Where am I...? What happened?" The person's brows furrow but straighten out again before you can remark on it

"Oh, you poor thing you..." Rambling on and on about something like a high fever or overworking yourself to exhaustion something something.

"I thought I'd never see you again, dearest," their voice carries a hint of grief, "Don't worry, I'll take care of you while you recover." They sound so earnest, and it breaks your heart at the implications.

Well, that settles it then. You've unwittingly taken the place of your poor saviour's loved one. The guilt gnaws at you but you shove it back and rationalise that it's best to stay put and find clues to make the swap back to your old self.

The days pass by in a blur when you're made to play pretend. Maybe it's pure luck when they don't notice anything at all odd with your mannerisms. But sometimes, you can't help but feel uneasy at their blatant disregard and indifference to actions or habits that you've definitely butchered.

It all culminates when you try to leave the house. Perhaps you've gotten fed up with this precarious game of charades. Or you've reached dead end after dead end, unable to find any hints that'll fix this whole situation.

And you're almost out of the place when a door creaks open, rooting you to the ground where you stand. You feel arms snaking and hugging you from behind. Their voice right next to your ear, low and frighteningly calm.

"Where are you going...?"

When you don't reply, not even gracing them with a look, they nuzzle as best as they can into the crook of your neck. Their words muffled, breath slightly warm on your skin as they say, "I can't lose you again."

Their affection is misplaced. You're tired of the constant guilt and pretense. Temper crackling you whirl around to face them head on. Something that you reckon you should have done a lot earlier.

"I'm not even who you're thinking of! I'm a complete stranger!"

They try to reach out and hold you but you shove them off, causing them to slam against the door leading out. So much for leaving, you don't even know where they keep the keys.

However, most of all, you can't stand the way they're looking at you right now. There's no trace of confusion despite the nonsense you've just spat out.

As if they've seen right through you from the start.

Against your better judgement, you run and duck into a side room, hoping to buy some time or sneak out through a side window. Anything just to get away from their searing gaze.

Surveying your surroundings, your eyes slowly adjust to the dimmer lights of this room, contrasted with the brighter lights in the house outside.

Only to find small belongings from your original life (can you even call it that?) littered throughout. They cover the table that's next to a shelf full of books in an indecipherable language. Pictures of you are pinned and arranged on the walls.

Nausea sets in within you. Nothing makes sense.

The door to the room opens and clicks shut softly.

"What is the meaning of this," your voice barely above a whisper, "I don't understand."

They shift to take the spot next to you, taking your hand and entwining your fingers together. They croon out your name, dripping with saccharine, cloying, revolting, sweetness.

"They couldn't find your body you know. It drove me mad." Their other hand mindlessly traces designs up your arm, tone lighthearted despite the topic.

"I was in such a fugue state, I barely even realised what I was doing... Not until I had the whole spell drawn out on the ground." They say so nonchalantly, as if bringing you back from the dead was nothing to them.

Mustering up the courage to pry your eyes away from the shrine they've made for you, you turn to look at them, clinging to your side. Their gaze is trained on you wholeheartedly, lashes lowered as they drink up your attention.

You must be losing your mind because the shadows behind them seem to flicker in and out strangely, inexplicably distorting the surroundings around the both of you like a scorching summer heat wave. Sweat starts to prickle on the back of your neck despite the temperatures in the room plummeting. Cracking open your mouth, you ask.

"Whose body is this?"

HOLY MOLY that. uhm. this got out of hand. this is no longer the original 400 words. anyways I initially wrote this with kylar (dol) in mind so ask me again if you want the more kylar parts LOLL I cut them out for this... also below are just some basic outline pointers I wrote for myself too and I just wanted to chuck em somewhere:

(the character lies to you to get you to trust them) (reader believes them and is sooooo guilty at somehow stealing the place of their lover's consciousness but has to play the part) - {both reader and character are playing pretend but they don't know each other are part of the same game} {character is playing up their innocence so they don't scare you off and you love them back} {reader is playing up the loving role to ultimately survive and get their life back and/or escape}

ok thank you for asking to see the resurrection idea thingy ainsel luv u 2 <333 please please please tell me what you think of this brainfart of mine........ [pleading eyes]

[lucystark12]

how to convince the ga that byler isn't rushed (kind of just a rant about lettergate)

they need to and i mean NEED to vecna mike because the only way the ga will understand that byler has been built up since the beginning is if we’re given scenes in context. we as bylers obviously get it but byler is at risk of being labeled “too rushed” if they don’t put effort into referencing the important parts of mike’s feelings developing.

the audience doesn't really have a problem with believing that will is gay and in love with mike because there are things in his arc that are just obvious and clearly point to that.

but mike on the other hand is in the middle of a love triangle. unlike most of the other main characters, mike isn't open about his feelings. we don't get his internal monologue. he doesn't tell others how he's feeling. thats why its so easy for bylers and milevens alike to interpret his every move in either direction. it's purely because we don't know. so, in season five, there are things they have to address and give concrete meaning to so that people understand how byler actually does make sense.

the most important scene that i’ve already kinda talked about to do this is...

this one, obviously, the most important little part of all of byler's season three. i want vecna talking about this. i want mike thinking about this. it’s crucial. it’s essential. his behavior here is weird as hell! it even reads weirdly in a script that was released and then edited quickly after. it's important and it needs to be addressed and treated as such. in the script (forgive me if i'm off, i don't have a copy of it so this is from memory) it reads as "what's wrong with me?" that obviously points our way, but since we don't get his internal monologue there's no way to be sure. it needs to be addressed.

this is also kinda lettergate proof because i think the unsent letters and the fact that mike did try to call will also be essential to proving what was going on with him during the gap between season three and four. if i were in charge of the show, i would do a whole flashback sequence to these six months. i want to know exactly where he is, what he’s doing, what he's thinking, how the people around him are reacting to his behavior. we need a shot of the love, mike. it's SO IMPORTANT.

literally i could scream about how important (and likely) lettergate is.

one thing that REALLY scares me about lettergate is the possibility of them reddieying us. yes that is now a verb. for any of you who never had an it 2017 phase, reddieying is where richie and eddie, two characters, had feelings for each other but never admitted it. at the end of the movie after eddie dies, we get this scene:

this is what i like to call reddieying. and yes that is also finn wolfhard. this is why we are scared.

the letters could be used in a VERY similar way if either mike or will dies to express the love that they both once had for each other. closure of sorts. i think that would be VERY poor writing (we've all heard my theory about how mike's love for will is literally essential to the ending of the show) but i think it's highly possible especially given the overlap between it and stranger thing's fandoms. the letters could be read at the end in a similar way to the way hopper's was, sad heroes and all. this draws another parallel.

yes i am bringing newtmas into this. fuck you.

above is a letter written by newt from the maze runner to thomas. newt is confirmed gay by the author of the book, and this letter is written to thomas but never read by him until newt dies. letterboxd reviews of this movie read:

"that letter at the end was the gayest thing I’ve ever witnessed and I’ve seen call me by your name."

"homophobia is thomas reading newt’s declaration of love and the shot cutting to thomas scratching his ex’s name into the rock ABOVE newt’s"

"newt, to thomas: "and i remember you. [...] i knew i would follow you anywhere. and i have." me: *im ready to be queerbaited again meme*"

and i didn't even have to search for these. these were like the top couple reviews of the movie. they were all on the first page of reviews.

all i'm saying is, by having the letter be an idea in our minds, they've set up a way to kill off one of the characters and still have a slightly resolved, weirdly up to interpretation ending. i do still think it's poor writing. i could kind of go into that too if anybody is interested.

i think that if lettergate is used as a device during mike's flashbacks to show how long he's felt this way that they will be using this thing they've set up for good, however, if they newtmas us and reddie us i might die. just letting you know.

[herharmonyhub]

WELCOME TO MY CRAZINESS, AKA.. YOUR SAFE SPACE.

Some days, i wake up and think ‘’when will i be ready to expose myself rawly for others to feel they’re not alone?’’ and 9/10? i push it off. I use the same exact feelings any person who suffers anxiety face. ‘’what do i share?’’ ‘’will it resonate with others?’’ ‘’what if they don’t understand me?’’ ‘’will whoever read this judge me or silently judge themselves?’’ so many questions and doubts have pushed this exact day further away only for it to return back 20 folds. I GOT SHIT TO SAY. that’s what get’s me back here every time. i’ve went through the whole process of how was i going to do this, on a website? on an app? then i got an idea from a friend to go on tumblr. last time i was on here, mindless behavior was a thing [yes, i cringed as well]. I came back with a prehistoric mindset wondering how to work this app again and it’s still as simple as it’s always been. now that we’ve figured it out? let’s really get into it. and no, i’m not some punctual queen. you get what my keyboard settings are.

first and foremost, WELCOME TO HER HARMONY HUB. I created this for other women who’s been through all the woes of life. heartbreak, battered friendships, hard upbringings, traumatic situations whether it stems from your childhood, teenage years or adult years, death, dark moments in your thought process. the whole nine? that’s what i created this for. now am i perfect? hell nah. far from it actually. i have flaws & short-comings about myself that i’m working through everyday, the key is i’m self aware of that. don’t ever believe somebody who can tell you what they’re planning on doing on a daily basis and then they say ‘’i didn’t mean to do that’’ they’re lying. one thing about me, i talk through and think through a lot of the things i’ve done or plan to do throughly. i know the outcome and the possibilities of what could come of whatever the situation is and i igo through with it prepared for whatever outcome it is. i’m someone who is very intentional. if i don’t want to do it? i’m not going to do it.. [well now i am, i used to do shit all the time that i didn’t feel like]. all of that i just said shows the type of warfare i’ve encountered and that little slice isn’t even the tip of the iceberg. my story? isn’t short but it’s simple.

my name is Ange [not angel, ANNE-J] mind you, the only correlation to my birth name in that is the A. im 27 years young, born March 12th 1998, a pisces sun/rising, my moon is in Capricorn [and my soulmate is a Capricorn, and my biggest result of resentment is also a Capricorn. my mother is also a Capricorn, see how complicated that is?] i’m a cesspool of imagination, sensitivity and emotions. a water sign that is sent to heal others first and tend to forget I need to be healed in order to do the correct healing. so imagine how many failed attempts it took for me to come to terms with it? *blank stare with a bland smile*. i was born into a 2 parent home that lasted until i was 5, the reason i remember my age is there’s a core memory stuck to it that i’ll never forget [but can’t remember shit else]. for the remainder of my life my time was split between my parents, but solely? I was raised by a single mother. most of my childhood was fairly normal. i was spoiled, got anything i asked for material wise. i had the impression of my family being so tight-knit [boy was i wrong as i got older] and i did what normal kids did at each age, minus the teenage pregnancy. i got pregnant at 17, had my son after i graduated high school & became a mother at 18 on July 8th 2016. my son is the sole reason why working on myself is a priority. he needs me, i need him and how can i be the best mother for him if i’m not all the way together or AT THE LEAST, able to bring some structure back to my life without falling apart every time? becoming a mother is more fulfilling than most plus the man reason i’m so hard on myself. there’s so many points in my life that needs to be highlighted that aided to the woman i am right now, but what drove me to get closer with myself,my purpose, my spirituality, my spiritual gifts and religion? heartbreak. out of everything i plan to tell you guys, a MAN is the reason i was driven to therapy. i’ll never outwardly mention that parasite by name cause his energy is more intense than you guys have read yet. his spirit was so dark that it drained mine. every time we argued, i felt like the life got sucked out of me. every time i didn’t do something ‘’right’’ in his eyes, he verbally abused me and don’t get me started on how he treated me and the resentment i’ve built within myself letting it happen. i’m forgiving myself everyday. i know the type of woman i am and can be for a man. the moral is and will always be, he didn’t deserve me at all. the only credit that midget needs to have is breaking me to become the woman that i am today, a woman he couldn’t even get next to BY CHOICE. we can always end up in the same rooms, same atmosphere, but to think you’ll ever be next to me morally, romantically, mentally or even as a friend? you smoking and it isn’t dick. meth. i was led to therapy after a day of drinking 2 bottles of wine and trying to go to sleep by adding zzzquil on top of it. crying on the wake up and not wanting to even exist, I HAVE A CHILD, this wasn’t going to work for me. so i quickly, found a therapist… sat in her seat [nobody knew i was in therapy tho] and asked her ‘’so how does this work?’’ she said to me… ‘’well, we can start with what drove you here?’’ and i say to her ‘’I woke up and the first thing i did was go to the liquor store for bottles of wine, opened it once i left and was drunk before noon. what made me see this isn’t a healthy way to live is when i snapped at my son because all he wanted was a hug. i never want my son to feel like he’s an issue. that’s not okay with me.’’ and from there, it’s been an uphill battle. i started therapy in 2021-22. its 2025 and i’m still talking to her. not as consistently but whenever my emotions become too much for me? i email her and set up a virtual session. there’s a more in depth view of my therapy session coming soon, this post isn’t that.

i’m a complex person. my main hobby is being a writer, i write books. more so urban fiction that’s highlighting the greatness of black people. not the normal nonsense you see on wattpad about them falling for drug dealers that cheat 400 times and they take them back + vulgar sex scenes and stuff that don’t make sense. black excellence, real emotional up and downs. realistic life lessons with becoming your true self while battling with the traits you were born with or the lifestyle that’s embedded in you. what people deemed ‘’normal’’ for black culture, where there are indeed rich, successful black people that have issues as well.. i’m not no sci-fi, no fantasy, no unrealistic stories. all of mine has purpose. im currently working on a series that has a multiverse where every story teaches a viable lesson, that i learned in therapy. it’s a through planned out project and i can’t wait to share. in the past, soon as i get story ideas i tend to rush them but this .. means the world to me, so the Crimson Camouflage series/universe will probably never see the light of day in 2025. 2026?look forward to it. but this blog? will be it’s filler. might drop previews and fake sneak peeks that won’t even make the story [like most movies do, film good content and don’t add it to the final product] just give yall a feel of the characters from every story. it’s 5 stories in production. [in the works]. that’s my main hobby. i’m dabbling in art, fashion, etc. i’m a very creative person so i be wanting it to explode in a lot of things. the main things is fashion, my dream is to own a clothing line that i hand made and no one can really copy or say came from anyone else. my imagination is limitless and one day? it will be reality. other than these things, im a homebody that tends to her man & her child. sometimes sneaks a little drink, self care and yoga/pilates in. i’m a simple girl, all i want is a simple LIFE. a life so simple it’s boring to others but fulfilling to me. being in my room, watching my comfort show is enough for me. i don’t need to play the clubs, i don’t need to be in everybody face, i don’t need to experience what everyone else is… i just need what fufills ME.

there will be something’s i share privately in a community that i will create on here soon. I believe in keeping a lot of your peaceful happy moments to yourself due to negative energy & it’s on a rampage these days. everyone is miserable. you can’t even be in love in peace someone needs a piece of that. coming from a family that don’t really bask in your accomplishments but need you to bask in theirs? is where it stems from for me. i don’t know what happened to the adults before us [actually i do] but something about my generation makes them very judgmental, controlling and turning their noses up at us. they feel the need to tell US what we should be doing with our lives or having heavily passionate opinions. if we get to talking about what others should be doing with their lives it’d get VERY ugly, so we’ve practiced keeping our business to ourselves. the business that makes us happy. growing up we didn’t have no safe spaces, nowhere.. sad right? well we’re pushing through with sarcasm and breaking generational curses BY being nothing like the people before us. the people who need to know what’s going on in our lives know? and that’s where we leave it at. practice that with your friends as well. they don’t need to know everything, just what concerns them [which isn’t everything] PEOPLE DO NOT BE HAPPY FOR YOU. so a lot of my public blogs will be things i’m okay with standing on if this lands on a screen that it resonates for. some entries will be in a private community cause even EYE still need boundaries on my platform. i’m sure a lot of my public entries will someday be read by my family & it might be some nasty realities set in for them, ask me do i care though? i don’t.

to wrap this up, i wanted to give you guys a peek of my soul. the peek of the little bit of chaos that goes on within me. i know i’m not alone, so creating a platform for women who always have a storm going on inside of them & nowhere to turn? is the purpose. i’m not perfect, i’m flawed, im accountable and very self aware. my moral compass is pretty straight forward & to the point. i tend to see things others may not because i see things from every angle. not one person is blameless in a situation. the situation may be clean-cut, he’s wrong, she’s wrong but is this a pattern in your life from being a people-pleaser? not wanting conflict so you let people do heinous things & keep them around? are you sub-consciously being abused of the good heart you have? is your intuition off? discernment weak? i could help you see that. I am a God-fearing woman, i’ve strayed from his path before & paid the price. He tends to show me things before directly telling me. he may be doing that for you but you don’t see it, i could help with that. God is using me as a vessel to help lead you to your true self. I don’t care who your God or higher power is, i’m here for all of that. As women we are written off as emotional beings who need to be told/guided by others to be the version they want us to be. Not while i’m existing. You came out of your mother alone, so nobody should be telling you the woman you need to be. YOU tell yourself the kind of woman you want to walk into being. Who is she? What does she look like? How does she dress, talk, think, feel? What brings her peace? Her Harmony Hub can assist with that. NOTHING IS OFF LIMITS HERE.

‘’Her Harmony Hub was created to help women with a wobbly table, bolt it to the floor. Pull up her own chairs of every version of herself and confront them head on. No judgement. No pity. No shame. Just a woman who’s going through many phases in life and needs a helping hand. A community where she feels safe, in a world that wrote off her softness as a liability and not a strength.’’

And, there’s no limitations here. you can talk about traumas, no matter what it is [past, present, childhood, teenage years, adult years] friendship woes/traumas/breakups [past, present] relationship woes/traumas/breakups [past and present] and personal thought, feelings and mental health! this is your sanctuary to be seen and heard. if you just want to yap about your day or current state of mind?NO NEGATIVITY WILL BE ALLOWED. i’m here to create a space for women to feel supported and loved. no matter what you may share or hold back? you are a QUEEN. you will be treated as such. <3

Thank you for taking the time to read this getting a peek into who’s going to be a person you can turn to. whether it’s anonymously or by name, i’m here for you. I hope and pray you come back for future entries to continue to explore my soul and getting to know me. I pray i urge you to reach out, post on here, pick my brain 🫶🏽 & to keep up with entries coming or content in general? don’t hesitate to follow @herharmonyhub on instagram 💟🩰🎨 talk to you guys soon.

xoxo, Ange 💟

[lonergirlmonologue]

im dying

im slowly dying but its okay.

im slowly dying but its okay, your the only one i desire. im slowly dying but its okay, to be seen is to be loved. im slowly dying with nobody that understands me. the ocean might understand me but you won’t.

do people only love me because they couldn’t find someone better to love?

im slowly dying but its okay. take my hand, i’ll protect you and you’ll protect me.

im sorry mom for not being the perfect daughter you’ve always wanted. i keep forgetting i am here, as a person. no one ever told me; in love you drown. desired but never loved they said.

life is more than being alive, my head spins and i am back in my childhood home. where love is everywhere.

where did that love go? i never hated you, i couldn’t hate you if i tried. believe me, i have tried. i stay home a lot, listen to music and think too much.

baciami, kiss me. i wonder what i look like in your eyes. i fell in love with you because you loved me when i couldn’t love myself.

the bastard winked at me, the only thought in that moment was ‘oh shit’.

am i difficult to love, or am i just unloveable? every time a man yells, you are seven years old again.

we drink the poison our minds pour for us and wonder why we feel so sick. its all lie, darling.

you said you wouldn’t and you did it anyways. silly me, thinking you cared and she used to be the sweetest girl, she cared. i always cared. that’s my problem.

let me die first or i will die twice. tell me how i can love you in a way that it feels like love for you. he smelled of cigarettes and sadness.

people are people, and sometimes it doesn’t work out. if you feel nothing then why are you shaking?

when im lost in my own head, i look for you but you are nowhere to be found. sometimes i noticed when you glanced at me in the hallways, and when i passed your classes or when our eyes used to meet.

im not stupid. im too sober for this i told myself, but after all this time, i can’t believe i still want you. i don’t know why im still hoping like an idiot.

my heads so loud, i want to turn it off.

im slowly dying but its okay. i wish i could just ask you what you think of me. i worshipped the myth i made of you, but im off my knees now.

i wish i could have saved you, please forgive me. i am my own ghost haunting the memories i love the most. when i first saw you, i knew it was going to end soon. starved of love and anything good.

i want to live not just survive. i guess im not just a thing you left behind.

im sorry to break it to you, but that little girl isn’t coming back anytime soon.

i want to feel again, i want my time back please and if we don’t talk again, remember i loved you.

i forgave you a long time ago, but i never forgot the words you told me that night and what if i told you about what happened that night? the night where you weren’t there and i had to take care of myself, while another man was touching my skin and it wasn’t your touch-

stop, you’re creating problems in your head again stop that.

im slowly dying inside but its okay. i’ll be okay.

this is a game. no wrong, no rights only a winner and a loser (we’re not that different, you and i)

[ungodlysaltyinfrastructure]

Hey… so uh… Alux witnessing his mother die in front of him, anyone?

Aha. So um. I inexplicably went missing on tumblr...

Why? I tried deleting an experimental side blog I didn't need/want, and because I don't know how tumblr works, I had actually deleted my main account (Note to self, never venture off into the account settings, WITHOUT CHECKING WHICH BLOG IM ON) I was devastated about it, but, it may have been a good thing for me, question mark? I had been embroiled in toxic queer discourse (aphobia sucks), and it took a toll on my mental well-being. So I took this unfortunate deletion of my work as a sign to relax a bit, despite the pit of panic that formed when this happened. Luckily, I'm better! (again >_>) and I still love Alux Rising, so here I am, making my grand return! back at it again with more way too long character analysis!

I would've posted about my abrupt leaving of tumblr sooner as I was eager to explain everything, but then AR 14 dropped soooooooooooo

Okay. Ar 14. Just made me incredibly happy. A major thing that had been missing for me was actual depictions of Alux as a child. He goes on about how his childhood was rough, but we never actually got to see such. Only the aftermath of such childhood with his relationship to Elric.

Now that we've seen it,

Oh God. It explains, a lot. I always thought Alux acted weird, so much so that I started to theorize that he was *actually* autistic/ASD (More Asperger's Syndrome but that term is no longer used)

But now…

I still hold firm in my Autistic Aro Alux Headcanon, but now his “lack of character” makes more sense to me.

It's made out that Alux's lack of character was prominent in his childhood, as his mother says that one day, he'll learn to like whatever he likes, and he'll be his own person, inferring that he doesn't understand that yet as a child. That's really intriguing to me. Apparently, his blandness was apparent in his childhood, and now in his adulthood. And it seems that the only thing he fully knows how to do, is to help people. If this lack of uniqueness to his character was in his childhood, then maybe the fact that Alux is bland is a defining character trait for him. One that will be overridden by this developing story of Alux rising. (Aha! Character development!)

Now, in relation to Alux and his parents.

It seems like he followed his mom more than his dad. That's why he brings her up in his and Elric's argument, and why he says “I like what you like!” and “I want to be just like you” To her in the memory.

And upon further rewatching, my heart just broke.

In the memory, Alux's mom says “But remember to be the best version of yourself, and to treat others how you want to be treated.”

How does Alux treat others currently? *He constantly helps them. protecting them, making sure they're OK.*

*sigh*...

Ok.

I'm really glad that we got this flash back. It actually helps put some character into Alux (even if it being trauma) and his lack of reaction to a lot of things makes much more sense. Even after the whole flashback, his lack of talking about the memory for why he had such a strong reaction feels very realistic considering the circumstances.

Another thing I realized, when Alux snaps out of it, the surrounding magic of green crystals is the orchids. I'm crying.

It most definitely seems like witnessing his mother's death stunted Alux's mental development to a degree, mostly in the sense that he doesn't fully know who he is, what he wants, or what he likes with what seemed to be his only supporting figure in his life now gone. If he still had his mother, maybe he would've turned out differently. (Wow shocker, I know.)

And honestly, we all knew Alux was traumatized, but I did not expect it to be to THIS extent. I just thought his mom died of an illness, and he wasn't there to see it but she was gone.

I was. SO WRONG.

Dead wrong. One could say.

Like Alux's mom- *cough*

anyways- yea Alux's nickname should definitely be Horny, Professor Red- oops, sorry *GEARS* comes up with the best nicknames, in fact he should become president and deliver every presidential speech in his rhyming scheme.

Oh and James is not dead,

Apparently.

[harpskae]

my first ever shift happened when I did not know shifting was a thing

I was around 11. I am 18 now, and it is a memory I remember as vividly as if it happened yesterday.

About the context I don't remember much. I was a kid, I don't even know if I was 11, I might have been 10 or 12. I guess I went to sleep normally, as I always did. and as it sometimes happens, I woke up in the middle of the night.

since there´s nothing unusual to that, I tried to roll over and continue to sleep, but for some reason I felt like I didn't have enough space in my bed to do so, my legs were nearly hanging off. for context I had a double bed so i should have plenty of space. I tried to get comfortable but I couldn't so I figured I must be on the edge of the bed, maybe I moved a lot in my sleep or something. but still, while in the dark, I couldn't figure out how I could be laying down to feel so uncomfortable when my bed is that big.

since I was confused about my own position in my bed I decided to turn on the light.

back then I used to have one of those ikea´s children´s lights that hang on the wall, and since my bed was by the wall, I stretched myself out to grab the light switch and turn it on. except I couldn't reach it, because for some reason I was far away from the wall. and so I thought: how strange, im on the edge of the bed how even am I positioned so that I physically can't reach the switch. for reference this is how my bed was.

keep in mind I was still in the dark. it took some more effort to find the light switch in the dark, but in the end I found it and turned the light on.

and I hadn't been more confused in my life. this is what I saw.

my bed was half its size ???. I stared at it in utter disbelief. I was sitting up straight in the middle of my oddly shaped bed as I stared at my bed and the space between the bed and the bed. I thought: what the fuck. why is there a space. that space doesn´t exist. but it wasn't as if my bed had been cut in half during my sleep (lol), it looked as if it had always been like that. my room was exactly the same except my bed what half its size, a meter away from the wall and instead of a headboard and a footboard, there were two footboards ??. I didn't understand anything.

after processing what I had in front of me I thought: I must be hallucinating because im really tired or something. spoiler: I was not. either way, I intuitively started reality checking.

First I pinched my leg. it hurt. I pinched it harder. it hurt even more. I pinched my cheeks. they hurt. that's how I verified I was in fact awake. though I already knew that because I was clearly awake and my thoughts were rational and completely lucid but still I thought I would check just in case.

then I knew I was awake so, still in denial of reality I thought: then it must be that I am seeing wrong (💀).

2. I then rubbed my eyes just like cartoon characters do when they can't believe their eyes. I opened them and unsurprisingly my bed was exactly the same. I rubbed my eyes harder. I recall thinking: this is not gonna be good for my eyelashes. but I coudnt care less, still what I had in front of me remained the same.

this is when I started panicking a bit. how could this happen. it is impossible I thought. it literally made no sense.

3. so I started touching everything I had near me. I touched my legs, my bedsheets, I grabbed them. I could physically feel them. I was awake and they were real. all of this was, again, some form reality check I did in the middle of my little panicky state. then I decided to touch the footboard that was the same as the one in my actual room (CR). I remember focusing on the texture of the wood, and thinking: this is real. I can feel it, every detail, I´m awake. but that certainty didn't help me because I was starting to feel scared.

then I decided to touch the other identical footboard, the one near the wall. the one which doesn't exist in my CR. the one which in my mind, shouldn´t exist. I touched it, and just like the other one, it was completely real. I was getting more scared by the second. I didn't understand a thing.

lastly, as my "last resort", my last reality check in my disbelief, I thought to myself: I am gonna pass my hand through the gap between my bed and the wall. since that gap doesn't exist, I will feel the bed that SHOULD be there but I am not seeing, and that will mean I am simply hallucinating or having visions or whatever.

and so, slowly and in the most suspenseful and dramatic way possible (I swear to you, now looking back at how dramatically I handed the situation I always crack up, why was I like that) I put my hand in the gap. and guess what.

there was nothing.

no invisible bed.

no nothing.

just the gap between my weird bed and the wall 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

what was I expecting tbh. and so I officially freaked out. I put my hand in and out the gap consecutively in utter disbelief. and what did I do next? I started crying. I was a child after all.

then I "woke up" crying in MY ACTUAL ROOM, WITH MY BIG BED, IN THE DARK and my mom came to ask me what's wrong and all that. I briefly told her and she obviously told me it was a dream. as I had checked a thousand times, it clearly wasn´t a dream. I was awake.

I chose not to argue with her and soon fell asleep again, still confused.

at the time I had no idea what had happened and I sort of forgot about it completely. that was until a while after I started researching this thing I later found on tiktok in like 2021, they called it reality shifting. and from the moment I got that memory back (thanks to associating it with shifting), I knew that was a shift. a full-on shift.

this experience (and a few others I had afterwards) is the only and irrevocable reason that I know for a fact —and have always known ever since I learnt about it— that shifting is a real thing.

you can become conscious of other realities and they are and feel EXACTLY as real as this one. they are literally the same. in fact, thank goodness I shifted to an alternate version of my room bc if not I would have genuinely thought I was being kidnapped.

and it is also proof that you really don't need to do absolutely anything in order to shift, that is something natural to the human mind. maybe not a recurring thing, but a natural one. after all, how could I had done anything to intentionally shift back then to shift if I didn´t even know that was possible.

[sleepyhouse2art]

when i see cute little reminders on social media to "take your meds" i feel so hateful. the commodification of mental illness and its growing popularity as a sort of astrological shorthand for an actual personality by mostly healthy people is mad depressing and annoying

dont tell me to take my meds, you creepy weird motherfuckers! the only people allowed to say that shit to me are my doctor & my husband & my friends. do you think i want to be treated like a baby because i have mental illness? why do YOU seem to want to be treated like a baby? youre on paxil sharon

like my mental illness makes people watch me and check on me and not trust my perception of reality or my memory of things. sometimes i do get straight up treated like a kid by people. if i remember an event differently, i am always wrong. its really frustrating

so no, i don't find it very nice when people infantalize me and i don't like watching people needlessly infantalize themselves. it is mad creepy. it feels like observing a diaper fetishist or something. the whole thing gives me the heebie jeebies

i wonder if it is life being so hard and mean that motivates people to adopt the "sick role"? i understand wanting care but i genuinely think people are hamstringing themselves by pathologizing normal feelings and behaviors because it's making them think they're sick when they really aren't that sick. often people aren't even sick at all and instead just going through the human experience, which is fraught and difficult all on its own without any augmentation by a brain on the fritz, no mental illness needed.

nobody should want to be a patient. its nothing to aspire to. there's no joy in it. it is uncomfortable and the medicine is not safe. i have to take it but it's not like i want to and i feel sour when somebody reminds me. please don't remind me of my shit when it already dominates like my whole life

no, sharon, i do not need a bedazzled pill basket. no, sharon, i do not want "peer support", you are creepy. i hate to inform you that you are not a tubercular 18th beauty languishing in a gorgeous sickbed. you are in a fandom that prizes sickness and this is shameful to me.

your sickness makes you binge watch tv and eat bonbons and passively ideate about scratching your thigh up with a pin. i know pain is relative but like, i used to store my own blood in ziploc bags to protect my home and every painting in my house has told me to kill myself. i have not left my house in over a year. i am on three antipsychotics right now and i am still having frequent hallucinations and they scare me so bad i can't help but react sometimes and that scares my husband and makes him want me to go somewhere just like everybody else wants me to. im trying to stay OUT of the fucking hospital, not WANTING TO GO. im terrified of being raped and killed and i know it will happen to me next time i go. everyone says no, but they don't have my knowledge.

what im saying is this stuff fucks my life up. i cannot live normally. i cant even really take care of myself on my own if im telling the truth. i know im sick. i get reminded all the time. i don't need validation. i wouldn't touch a psych or a therapist or a pharmacy with a fucking ten foot pole if i had the choice. i know im kind of going off rn but who the fuck would want to be a consumer of this boring, tedious, control-abdicating, bad for your body bullshit? i do not understand people like this. i want to be free. be free, sharon!! and stop telling me to take my fucking meds!!!!

[liiabelle]

ೀ⋆｡🌷🦁┃“Hey, it’s okay. Show me?”

Fandom: Honkai star rail

Characters: Mydei, Amalia(oc)

Contents: Angst, comfort, oc, ocxcanon writing

Note: HI IM NOT A WRITER KDCJXJXJ BUT I MADE THIS OF MY OC X CANON SHIP DJFJJXJXJX ENJOY

Ps- I am not looking for criticism or tips atm im writing for fun. I'll continue sometime soon and by then ask for more help

“It's a memory of your past. The you, you once were..take it as a sign It's still you…”

“Still me…but why does that feel..feel like such a lie..” Amalia's fingers danced over her forehead. Ghosting the marking where her horn once was. The thing that proved her identity..”this isnt me..” was all she could think. “This isn't-”*

“Ehem.."

She jumped in her seat in front of the mirror. The sound of someone entering her room went unnoticed until whoever intruded in her space made it clear by clearing their throat. His throat

"It wasn't my intention to startle you.." he paused, unsure what to even say. He had only come up to her chambers to tell her that Aglaea wished for her to join her that evening, why was he the new messenger boy? Only a titan would know why she couldn't do it herself.. be it their current relationship being on edge maybe? Only she knows

“Aglaea would like to have a word with you” he spoke again when Amalia seemed to drift back off while she stood in front of the mirror. “Amalia?..”

he spoke again. Stepping inside the room, closer to her. Should he speak again? He already did twice with no answer. Why is she always like this?

He was growing impatient. He did not wish to be put into this in the first place. He reached his hand out to place it on her shoulder. “Amali-”

“Don't!” She suddenly flinched away. Quickly turning her body to face him. Her hand was between them to keep a distance. The other hand over her forehead.

Mydei put his hands up in surrender. His expression one of shock and confusion at her sudden outburst after not speaking once to him since he came in. “I will not touch you..”

she stared up at him. Her expression was filled with uncertainty.. her body language, was indicating how nervous she was.. it's not all because of him, he could tell there was more behind her uncertainty than just his presence.

his eyes scanned hers, searching for any sign of willingness to let him in. That's when he noticed her hand. A part of him knew something was wrong, but does he intrude, should he intrude, what if it's nothing..it could be nothing for all he knew but..he brought up his hand.

she jolted back when his hand suddenly came back, this time towards what she was trying to hide. He froze, they both froze. Her eyes met his, there was fear. But in his eyes..she saw concern.

“Hey, it’s okay. Show me?...did you hurt yourself..”

his voice sent chills down her spine. The tone of voice she'd heard since meeting him sent her wishing she could run away from him. But this time. It was..gentle? She was confused. It only hit what he was asking about when he spoke again when she didn't answer.

“Are you okay?”

“...I'm alright.. it's nothing..” she turned her gaze towards the ground, avoiding his.

“I've heard those words too many times to know that's not true,” he said more sternly but still in that sincere concerned tone.

“Its not something I did..it's not a wound.. It”s-”

“Your horn.” He cut her off. He froze, feeling bad for cutting her off, but it made sense when he remembered. “Is it hurting?”

She shook her head “It doesn't hurt..it just feels, empty..you wouldn't understand.” she turned back to the mirror

Silence hung in the air between them. Mydei watched as she brought her hand back down. He could see her marking in the mirror..the star-shaped blank space where a horn once was when she was..who she used to be at least for all she knew.. he sighed. Those words she said had him thinking. “It feels empty”, “you wouldn't understand”

“I may not understand what all you have went through..but trust me when I say. The empty feeling you have from losing something that was a part of you..you aren't alone on that. You may have lost your horn. Something that made you, you..but that does not erase everything about you. What is left of what you lost is still there..still shows you're you.”

his words lingered in her head. Staring at herself in the mirror..at the marking.. what once was there, doesn't erase ”you”.. her eyes gazed to his in the mirror “You've had this happen?..”

“...My home…it may have been erased..destroyed, but that doesn't erase any part of who I am.. I wear the pain and sorrow of my people over my shoulders..they too lost their home..but they never erase who they are…a part of home is still with them..”

she listened closely to his words.. she felt lighter as he talked. The way he worded everything, making this invisible weight fall off her shoulders.. Mydei's gaze landed on hers as he stared at him in awe. He felt a twinge of embarrassment as she stared at him. He cleared his throat

“Ehem..mm.. That's the only advice I can give you. Take it as you will..” he looked away from her. Hoping to the titans the heat from his cheeks doesn't show “Aglaea is waiting for you by the garden” he turned around to the door. Turned the nob and opened it to make his way out of her room

“..Mydei..”

He stopped in his tracks. Felt his heart almost leap from his throat. “Yes?..” he turned his head to look at her*

“...Thank you..” that was all she said..nothing else

..but that was all he needed. He needed to hear nothing else. That alone freed him from the tension in his chest. It only lingered at the bottom of his heart. That part of him wanted to go back inside..talk to her more. It's not time yet. He doesn't know when the right time will be… He has the rest of his immortal life to ask her. Ask her if she remembers. But the longer he waits, the more she grows further and further from his reach..

“...You're welcome, Amalia”

[fandomfantasyy]

MASSIVE WARNING FOR II 17 SPOILERS ++ INANIMATE INSANITY THEORY ++ ADAM KATZ TWITTER CODE SOLVING !!

i am holding onto way more hope than i should, however, this is a stray theory of mine that im holding onto for said hopes sake.

to those who haven't watched ii 17 yet, PLEASE keep scrolling. i mention just about everything that happened in the episode, and im basically reviewing it at the start. the episode is so much better without any spoilers!!

so, inanimate insanity 17. if you don't wanna hear me blabber on and on about the episode, scroll to the other big text. otherwise i am RANTING i need an outlet. 3:

inanimate insanity 17 was a rodeo. me and my partner had a few straggling theories before we watched it, and a few of them were true. knife did indeed punch cobs, they really did fight, everyone that heard was disappointed to find out they were made by mephone 4.

starting with the majority of the opening sequence, going from memory here, knife's desperation? ow. suitcase's new found paranoia? OW. them doing everything to find out what was wrong was so bittersweet, because you can just tell that they don't know how to stop it and are holding onto to random theories and hope.

nearing more of the middle section, i completely forgot that bow could possess people. made me giggle a bit tbh….. besides that, I HATE COBS HE MANIPULATED MY BABY, TOILET. ☹️ the admission of guilt from mephone 4, only to realize his apology could never speak loud enough almost killed me. lightbulb, fan, and test tube, all dead. the bright lights poly. when toilet told mepad that he understood it wasn't a competition anymore? and when cobs pulled off toilet and begun killing everyone? jesus christ dude (also im a little sad at the lack of extra pronunciation on "your" when paper yelled at salt saying "hes not your boyfriend" as a payjay shipper but....)

more on the end side, the fight convinced me for a damn while. it doesn't make sense to me how one single throw got knife extremely scuffed and chipped, but it's finneee, it's show logic!! :3 anygays. the main painful time. the pull of the plug, prompting toilet to call himself "the best assistant", the way knife put his hand on suitcase to comfort her, the way cobs SACRIFICED MEPHONE X??? dude this show is gonna make me go bonkers.

last but not least, "the show is over," and mephone 4 has no choice but to go back "home" with cobs. ow.

there are still so many questions. the eggs helped power everything, but were they fake? how did mephone 4 find the land he built inanimate insanity on? obviously it isn't fake, he's still sitting on it at the end of the episode. where's 3gs? what about mepad? was mepad made up? too much to answer with too little information.

overall, what a painful episode. it seems like the end, right? wrong.

inanimate insanity is not over. we are getting ii18.

at least, thats my theory. average movie length spans 1½ hours to 2½ hours. us inanimate insanity fans were told that this finale would be as long as a movie. right now, we are only at an hour. i dont remember the last time i watched a movie that was only an hour. they're out there, yes, but i doubt the creators would pray on very short movies to support their angst.

adam katz's teasing on twitter / x, saying that mephone x was after him, only for his account to be seemingly gone or empty? there's no way adam simply quit twitter because he ended his line of work. it's a thing that happens, but i dont think this is that. most of adam's characters in the show died before the plug was pulled. is that a direct reference? i don't know.

as of october 15th, adam seemingly returned to twitter, but instead as the robot from ii17. why would they bring him back suddenly, why would they make this teaser? there's no real, legitimate explanation in my eyes... other than them maybe just wanting to torture us. that, however, is not the point.

continuing on adam robot twitter thing, on his twitter / x profile / status, (idk what it's called i don't use twitter / x,) it says, "Loading a large amount of files... / Estimated wait tim: 2880 minutes, 0 seconds". that directly translates to two days. we're heavily likely to get the true final episode or the trailer of such of ii2 in 2 days.

update for the above. on october 18th, around 3pm EST, a code to decipher was posted. someone in the comments of the twitter / x post said that it was "you seek to know the true reason for such a tragic second season if you decide you want to show more there may be something to restore see .com/insert code". we, the viewers might be bringing the show back.

season one and season three's final episodes ended with a "the end". ii17 did not have this end card. this seems like a very crucial thing that they couldn't just "leave out". after all, why on the most important finale of all of the finales so far, would they leave out saying "the end"? if it's truly the end, they wouldn't leave it with a black screen and a sobbing community. (the last part, maybe, but not the first part.....)

both season one ended with 18 episodes, and season three ended with 19 episodes. season two seems to almost be ending on episode 17. this could go either way, with season two ending with a pattern of 17-18-19, OR, if we're really lucky, 18-19-20. (or we just get an extra 18 or smth idk)

there is a reason why this is only a stray theory of mine. only 6 days before the release of ii17, adam katz and brian koch were saying their thank you's and goodbye's to the inanimate insanity community. it feels like the end of this show is near, if not sadly over now.

overall, i still have hope. but this wont be clear until we either see a ii18 trailer or we dont. i will regularly update this with new information as it gets found by me and my partner. goodbye for now, inanimate insanity community, and good luck.

robot adam's twitter saga.

adam katz's teasing on twitter / x, saying that mephone x was after him, only for his account to be seemingly gone or empty? there's no way adam simply quit twitter because he ended his line of work. it's a thing that happens, but i dont think this is that. most of adam's characters in the show died before the plug was pulled. is that a direct reference? i don't know.

as of october 15th, adam seemingly returned to twitter, but instead as the robot from ii17. why would they bring him back suddenly, why would they make this teaser? there's no real, legitimate explanation in my eyes... other than them maybe just wanting to torture us. that, however, is not the point.

continuing on adam robot twitter thing, on his twitter / x profile / status, (idk what it's called i don't use twitter / x,) it says, "Loading a large amount of files... / Estimated wait tim: 2880 minutes, 0 seconds". that directly translates to two days. we're heavily likely to get the true final episode or the trailer of such of ii2 in 2 days.

update for the above. on october 18th, around 3pm EST, a code to decipher was posted. someone in the comments of the twitter / x post said that it was "you seek to know the true reason for such a tragic second season if you decide you want to show more there may be something to restore see .com/insert code". (credits to @\NickleBFDIA2012 on twitter/x !!) we, the viewers might be bringing the show back.

connecting to that, more hints have already been found. there was a code on cabby's wiki that is decoded to “You want the second key word? These pages are your answer. Next, go to the three time player with the lowest average placement." (credits to @\MeesterTweester on twitter/x !!) this brought the fandom to nickel (i believe), and im not quite sure what it says.

however, i do know one thing. it's been solved, and my theory was proven true.

we will be getting episode 18 of inanimate insanity by late november.