#always happens between 35/40k

[emilyjunk]

Have finally hit the point in my fic where I hate every new section I write lmao

[pinehutch]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤

Thank you for tagging me!

I should be honest: I am not much of a fic writer. This isn't self-effacing; I've been reading fic since the early aughts but only have 10 works on ao3. One of them is a poem. One of them is a few hundred words of something I've never finished.

That said, fic is important to me for a lot of reasons, but one is that in 2016 I started following a tumblr for a Dragon Age fic exchange, and in 2017 I wrote the first fiction I'd written in almost 20 years. I had been struggling to write poetry for about 10 years before that, too, and fic writing was part of my path back to writing at all.

This isn't to say that I think fanfic is valueless unless it results in 'original' writing; every story happens in context, and we all know how the lines between fanwork and original work blur, both in fan spaces and in commercial ones. But my particular, personal fondness for fic is because it gave me a path back to the first best thing of my life, which was language, and what we do with it.

With that said, my personal top five (links in titles):

Fundamental Forces (or, Root Causes)

Literally my first fic. This was when I remembered that writing can be fun. It's Dragon Age fic, femHawke/Varric. It's also written with a focus on Hawke's POV, a thing I think I pulled off quite well and have never attempted again. It's very silly. It features a 40-year-old and a 35-year-old being profoundly bad at emotional honesty. I riff on turnips for a while. It has a happy ending, which should surprise no one.

She breathed in through her nose and her eyes fluttered shut. “Kiss me, you idiot. Before they think I’m horrified.” Their first kiss. Quick and mostly chaste and part of a joke. She thought it was fitting.

Chapter Last

This is also T-rated Hawke/Varric, written for the same exchange, a year later. It's about near-misses, and trying again, and not being able to pick up where you left off, and it's stumbling back onto the path later, unexpectedly, and after having found another way. It is about stories, and why we do them.

It's fic of the games, of course, but in a way it's also fic-of-fic: there's a novella that's both a tie-in novel and a diegetic book in the Dragon Age setting, and it was printed irl the summer before I wrote this fic.

What I'm proud of, with this story, is character voice. Whenever I share any Varric-voice writing, even years later, people always say very generous things. Varric's also a writer, canonically, and I had fun mimicking 'his' style in passages of this, and trying to keep in mind how his writing and his inner narration would align and diverge. (Lots of Dragon Age fans are understandably thirsty about Varric; I think I've always found him relatable, in many ways, and it didn't occur to me to thirst. But I love him.)

I don't love the structure; I chaptered this, and way more than I needed to. I'd love to rewrite it, someday, but I also think it's good for me to sit with the awareness of its imperfections and the knowledge that people have loved it anyway.

Afterimage (there are two colours)

The Magnus Archives fic, E-rated. Basira/Daisy. This was meant to be a single installment in a series - I think I have a 20,000 word 'outline' in my gdocs, still, but I'm unlikely to ever finish it. The point of this story is self-indulgent, purple-prose, dreamy smut. Wanting the thing and having it, but not keeping it.

This was baby's first E-rated fic ever written. I have no explanation for this, either.

Transformative Work

Written for the 2022 OFMD Big Bang with @mia-ugly. Mostly Frenchie/Jim, a bit Jim/Oluwande, a bit Frenchie/Oluwande, a light sprinkling of polycule potential.

Transformative Work is my favourite thing I've posted to ao3 for three reasons.

It's 40k! I never finish longer works, so 40k is a big deal to me.

I think it's actually brilliant. Clever as hell, at minimum. But mostly brilliant.

It's collaborative!

Writing has always been a solitary thing for me; one of the things I love about Mia is how we can get on a wavelength about a story. (This is mostly a them trick: they're an excellent collaborator and instigator, in general.) I wasn't at my best when we were writing this, dealing with undiagnosed health issues and workplace burnout and an accumulation of grief, but it was beautiful and joyful work, in the end.

Also, I think it is almost exactly what we wanted it to be, and that is such a high.

Number 5 is a bit of a cop-out but still:

Remember when I said "we all know how the lines between fanwork and original work blur"? This is a poem I started writing when Succession 4.3, "Connor's Wedding" aired. I was in a worst spot than I had been the previous year, health-wise, grief-wise.

The title of this poem, "My Father's Dead and I Feel Old," comes out of Connor Roy's mouth in the episode. I had to pause the episode and just get pummeled by that perfect, simple line of iambs. I was a wreck, just generally. Yeah, man, my father is dead and I do feel old! That sort of thing. (The aforementioned health issue? Still not identified or addressed when this aired in spring 2023, btw. My brain was not braining well.)

But there were words for it. I was off work on medical leave at the time. I had just made the transition from crying like it was a full-time job to sleeping like it was a full-time job. The sleep wasn't helping. The crying hadn't helped, either. It wasn't something people could help. But words, and what we do with them - that helped.

Anyway, I'm actually quite proud of this poem, both as an original piece of poetry and as fanwork. It's not on ao3 for reasons including 'I haven't gotten around to it' and 'I don't know if this is sufficiently transformative, by the invisible guidelines I've just set for myself.'

Thank you for sending this to me, it was a lovely thing to think about on my Friday eve! <3

[relax-and-read-on]

So what are your HCs for Heresy-era acceptance of trans Space Marines?

Well since someone is asking me >:D

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This post may talk about subject relative to transphobia and sexism. I am myself nb afab, so not fully in the trans umbrella, but I think it's the kind of things that is important to talk about, as representation is like... Borderline non-existant in the larger 40k narrative.

But, without further addo: How much trans space marine (and also female space marine are accepted!) Are accepted in each legions!

Dark Angels: No. Vagina are icky and gross and they cannot deal. They stay between MANLY CIS MEN who like MANLY THINGS. Very sexist too

I actually have interesting ideas about the 2 and eleven and one day I'll get to it.

Emperor's Children: Even before the heresy, they barely had any understanding of what a gender was. Fabius Bile is a pro a gender affirming surgery too don't @me. Trans, nb, female.... They got everything, and they are probably the one of the only legion that continue to encourage their astartes to continue to explore that part of themself all throu their life

Iron Warriors: Women are annoying (opinion of one manchild Perturabo) and have no place in the army. Surprisingly, he fully understand that someone would want to be a man, because clearly they are better. Stupid annoying woman. Open to trans astartes, but you know their is a lot of discrimination happening behind the scene.

White scars: Mongolian hordes on Terra had a long traditions of woman warriors, and I don't see Jaghatai changing that. He has Sons and Daughters, and changing one gender is as simple as deciding on it. Legit do not get half the issues his other bros have.

Space Wolves: See, this one is... Complicated, because it goes with a lot of scandinavian/viking believes of women role in society. They would accept trans astartes as "warrior women", even if it's missgendering. Tho, they would often be confined to less combat role.

Imperial Fists: No. It's not even sexist or transphobic, they will often gladly accept those people as human crew and support... But... They just don't see the point on giving a different treatment specific astartes.

Night Lords: To everyone surprise.... A TON of female/trans astartes??? A solid 35%, wich is by far the highest rate. The fact that their tactic are often stealth based and usually require lighter, smaller astartes does help immensely. They don't really care for gender as rule. If you can flail someone alive, your in.

Blood Angels: I have the hc that Sanguinius is also deep in the egg, and as such, would try to be as accomodating as possible to trans astartes and female ones sadly, he already has such major problem with his gene seed, I could see it become extremely unstable in afab people, to the point were it almost never work. Still he would let those that truly wish to try attempt it.

Iron Hands: Flesh is dumb and mean nothing. The important is what you are deep inside. Super pro trans right. Still, they don't really get female astartes, just by the hyper masculine nature of their legions.

Read number 2 lmao

World Eaters: not that many trans or women join, but they are fully accepted and welcomed with open arms.

Ultramarines: Ofc they can, and they are eligible to hormones therapy and gender affirming surgery, in 80 to a 100 working days, as mentioned in page 763 paragraphe 6 of the manual-

Death Guard: Ok, wacky headcanon time. I always HC Mortarion as intersex, and as such, I could see his gene seed actually working a bit too well in some case. It's rare, but cis space marines sometime start slowly changing sex, wich can cause extreme distress. In the same vein, they have a LOT of trans space marine compare to others, and a surprisingly high amount of trans women marines.

Thousand sons: Magnus is an agender pile of warp goo... He barely gets why its a big deal in the first place lmao. Any sorcerer good enough can change their sex, and do it for others. His gene seed, however, has a tendancy to be unstable in afab, like Sanguinius... As such, he sadly decided to exclude any afab, ashe didn't want them to suffer for something that would fail.

Sons of Horus: He didn't even think of accepting woman or trans people, until someone else started doing it. He has nothing against it! But he might do some casual sexism/transphobia like "but are we sure that they are strong enough?" Sanguinius wooped his ass and he started doing it, even if its much more an exception than anything.

Word Bearers: No woman, or trans, or gay allowed That means you Argel Tal. Very strict on it, for religious reasons. Coincidently, they are the legion that fuck the least.

Salamender: already, Nocturn culture does not encourage woman/trans to join. Of the rare that do... They usually are encouraged to join their crews. Salamander need to be of a certain level of pure power to keep up, and sadly, in their experience and opinion, women/trans folks usually don't end up as bjg as they should be, and can slow down a squad.

Raven Guard: First, Corvus is a trans woman in my hc, so ofc they are chill with this. They are probably the only legions, with the ultramarine, to have also strict anti-discrimination policy. The one with the highest rate of women/trans folks.

Alpha Legion: Gender is irrelevant. So irrelevant in fact, you may change it a few time for various missions. Outside of the battlefield, they are actually very chill and gender affirming.

.... I realised I made a LOT of the chaos legions really queer positive, but, in my defence, accepting the difference is a big theme in quite a few of them. That, and it was very important to me to show a range that, it's not just the Slaaneshi/Emperor's children that are related to those subject, as gender and queerness should not always be seen in a sexual manners. They are just... People.

[dramionediscussion]

To the person who’s asking about the chapter count. I’ve never looked a chapter count totally isolated from a word count. This tends to happen almost inevitably and unconsciously as both are right next to each other at both FF.net and AO3. I am inclined to first look up the word count, then compare it to the chapter count. Mainly I prefer longer form works (unless it’s just for a pure smut, I discard anything under 10k. My preference is +40k, though sometimes I click on 10-40k if there’s otherwise something highly appealing, like an interesting premise or summary, or if it’s highly rated or popular, etc). If I just had to choose between long-chapter vs short-chaptered fic, then I’d go with the long-chaptered, but that’s more about the preference for the longer form, because that’s what it often implies. Nothing inherently in the chapter count itself. If the chapter count is high, but the fic itself is short, that just happens to be a red flag for me. If we are talking about a chapter length of under 1k, I am prone to dismiss it outright. 1-2k is a bit iffy, but after the threshold of 2k, I tend not to care about it (I don’t calculate it exactly, a quick glance and a fast estimate is more than enough). If a fic falls anywhere between 2k-15k with its chapter length, I am alright with it (the upper threshold is more difficult to estimate, because fics which have over 10k chapter length are quite rare, and I don’t think I’ve ever even seen anything over 12k. For me over 15k would probably raise an eyebrow). The total chapter count is irrelevant, unless it’s something absurdly high, like well over 200 chapters or something. I am more than willing to read through that one million words (about the length of HP series) fanfic epic, if I like the content. I am ready to give that 1-3 chapter chance to almost anything, which could even remotely be interesting. Although unfortunately more I read Dramione, I am becoming increasingly pickier and I abandon fics ever more easier. If I really enjoy something, then it doesn’t matter whether it has 20 or 200 chapters, because the supply of Dramione I happen to enjoy is high but not infinite. The problem is more of finding works I truly like, rather than not having time to read them all. If I don’t enjoy something, well that doesn’t really matter either, because it’s highly unlikely that I’ll be reading it more than couple of chapters anyway, so the time-sink is about the same regardless of the length or chapter count or anything. (Ofc, all of this is just a heuristic I’ve developed automatically and subconsciously while I’ve read countless Dramione fics. It’s just a normal pattern-recognition, not a logic-deductive causal law of the nature, in which I perfectly judge every fic apriori without reading them. I am aware that I might be missing some good fics, but there’s thousands of fics out there, and one has to sort them somehow and exclude some without reading them. Or read them all indiscriminately, which I don’t have time for. As long as it’s better than total randomness, then it’s fine enough, despite not being absolutely perfect).    I don’t know how widely shared this sentiment is with other Dramione fans, because it’s not that often I see this brought up in any reviews. I basically never talk about Dramione with anybody ever, so my exposure to the larger Dramione audience is very limited (fics, their reviews and I sometimes look at this place). However, this question peaked my curiosity, and I decided to see, if there’s any obvious relation between fics’ popularity, its chapter count, word count and chapter length (in this I treat popularity and likeliness of people seeking out or clicking certain types of fics totally interchangeably). I first looked at the top10 most favored Dramione fics (FF.net) and fics that received most kudos (AO3), then calculated their average and median word counts, chapter counts and chapter lengths. Then took another sample of different tier of popularity (top 101-110), then from another one again less popular (601-610), and finally one more (top 1351-1360). And see if any patterns appear (this is a very crude, but crude and fast is more than nothing. Unfortunately I don’t have time to do anything profound, as I did this to satisfy my own immediate curiosity, and afterwards decided to share it with others). For a sake of brevity I only show FF.net numbers, because differences between AO3 were quite minor in this instance. The first number is always the average and the second is the median. I excluded one-shots and cross-overs. First tier (top10 most popular Dramione fics) Total word count: avg. 240,108 / med. 208,569 Chapter count: 44 / 37 Chapter Length: 5457 / 5637 Second tier (top 101-110) Total word count: avg. 101,844 / med. 89,565 Chapter count: 23 / 21 Chapter Length: 4428 / 4265 Third tier (top 601-610) Total word count:  avg. 88,450 / med. 75,175 Chapter count: 25 / 25 Chapter Length: 3538 / 3007 Fourth tier (top 1351-1360) Total word count: avg. 78,000 / med. 63,848 Chapter count: 26 / 23 Chapter Length: 3000 / 2776 If one would plot this out, there’s a clear linear correlation between the popularity and the word count and chapter length, but the chapter count seem to be quite unrelated with the popularity. Top10 sweet spot is interestingly very close to a longest HP book (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is  257,045 words). Also the chapter length is even closer to HP series (5,5k for the whole series). The chapter count is a little more off the track, but not terribly far from the mark (HP from 4th-7th books has 35 / 37). It seems that there’s some kind of a descending effect. Although, it’s might be just with the sampling and small sample size and lack of controls, and million other things. But it’s still there, that more popular fics tend to have longer word counts and longer chapter lengths (at least up to that ceiling or golidlocks zone of best rated fics), and they have a linear relationship with its popularity, while the amount of chapters doesn’t seem to be related. 

[keensers]

Every 5!

ALL RIGHT LET’S GO

5. when did you start writing?

oh god. the first story i wrote seriously was about a magical girl in victorian england that was transparently based on libba bray’s gemma doyle trilogy and i was probably like... eleven. the first FANFIC i wrote was at twelve or thirteen.

10. how do you do your research?

google! sometimes even the library!!! i also fall into a lot of wikipedia holes so i end up learning all sorts of strange things, like that castroville CA considers itself the artichoke capital of the world! ~The More U Kno~

15. hardest verse to write

toss-up between historical verses, where my google history becomes “did X thing exist in Y time period” for days, and verses like star wars, where there’s like 80,000 pages of canon wikia material and another bazillion of pseudo-canon that are fun to incorporate but also a nightmare to get right.

20. favorite character to write

right now, madi! madi scott! MADI FROM BLACK SAILS! princess madi of the maroons!!!!!! i love her, i love her worldview, i love the way she speaks, i love the way she inhabits and moves through the world, i could really keep going for a very long time. and have, at length and in prose!

25. favorite line you’ve ever written

i’m going to cheat on this one and cite two from my most recent black sails fics. idk about “ever” but they’re my answer right now!! i think my favorite is the thesis of in a vault of starlight:

There is no going backward, no return to the past. There is no unloving someone.

but it’s also something i came back to in a line i’m quite proud of from armed with the past and the will:

He is a fool, and for the briefest moment she wishes she could unlove him, could put the sun back in its box, could forget the tide. Then it passes.

because i think it’s something that madi reconciles with as she moves (VERY slowly) toward tentative reconciliation with silver. you can’t unlove someone! you can fall out of love with them, but that experience has always happened, and you carry it. that’s why she wishes she could, and it’s also why she resolves to do what she can to fix it. i essentially built both fics around that concept.

30.hardest part of writing

answered here!

35. single story or multi-part story?

single story. 95% of the time i won’t post something incomplete.

40. which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series

you’ll be bright (travel safely) which is great because that’s exactly what’s gonna happen in the last jedi!!! and nobody can tell me otherwise!!!

45. share the synopsis of a story you work on that you haven’t published yet

THE BLACK SAILS OT3 SPACE AU WHICH IS 15K AT THIS JUNCTURE and i made a rambling post about it here!!! tentative synopsis: james flint vs the galaxy!!! pray for me that it doesn’t end up longer than 40k aha ha hahahah HA

(my ask is still open because i am still avoiding job applications!!!)

[overheaddoorcompanyofcharlotte]

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[topicprinter]

Hey - Pat from StarterStory.com here with another interview.Today's interview is with Nicolas Vallée, who created an "all-in-one" spatula tool. You can also find it on Amazon since Reddit won't let me link to it.Some stats:Product: All in one BBQ spatula tool.Revenue/mo: $40,000Margin: Between 35 and 55% (depending on client)Started: November 2016Location: Montreal, CanadaFounders: 1Employees: 2Hello! Who are you and what business did you start?I’m the Croc Man and designer of the BBQ CROC 3 in 1 Tool. I designed a multipurpose BBQ tool for the everyday consumer who wants to focus on grilling and not on what tools to use and when.Our BBQ croc is now available all over Canada, in the US and Australia.We have tripled our revenues in our second year and as of september 1st 2018 have sold over 70,000 units. We hope to double that for our third year.What it looks likeWhat's your backstory and how did you come up with the idea?I was in the food publishing business for over 20 years. My job was to create recipes and test them and coordinate picture sessions.We always had a lot of grilling themes and I could not find a simple BBQ tool that was long, light and could flip and turn at the same time. They were all either too heavy, flimsy, short (the hairs on my hands and arms would always burn!) or just plain cheap and ridiculous. I also had to switch tools all the time and that drove me nuts!While on a trip to South Africa, where they take their grilling - called Braai over there - very seriously, I discovered a primitive scissor system tool that was long and light (aluminum alloy).I liked it very much. It was mostly used for fire pits and moving charcoal on the grill.So, I had a starting point.I wanted to design a tool that had 2 equal width spatulas just wide enough to flip a burger or anything needing flipping while being primarily a pair of tongs (people use tongs 80% of the time). I also wanted to incorporate 2 grooves at the end of the upper grill to clean 2 grill bars at a time!From the start I knew what the name would be: BBQ CROC. Because the head of the tool (the 2 spatulas) look like the jaw of a crocodile and the tool does not let go when you grab food, just like a crocodile!I researched the net for a few weeks and saw that nothing resembled what I had in mind. I was good to go.Describe the process of designing, prototyping, and manufacturing the product.Right away, I started working on a house made prototype and tried different variations in order to know better where I was going. I glued different width cardboard pieces to the end of the primitive South African tool to guide me in my optimal decision and strapped tape to the handles to imagine a tighter and better feel.After a few weeks I had a very good idea of how the product would look. I hired and industrial designer and we started working on the blue prints.Once I had the blueprints and 3D imagery, I hooked up with an importer of different products from China who had manufacturing contacts there. We sent the blue prints and they did a few prototypes.We adjusted the prototypes twice to make the handle more comfortable and space the cleaning grooves in a more universal way so they would fit 90% of grills (we measured the width and spacing of grills bars of over 20 manufacturers to establish our spacing). The back and forth between China and us to about 3 months. Some corrections/comments were made by e-mails and some we had to receive samples from China/Fedex to confirm.Also the width of the spatulas was established to be 1 ¾ in which was decided to be the optimal width that would allow you perfect flipping ability while not affecting the efficiency of the tongs.One more big challenge we had was the packaging. We wanted an open sleeve packaging so clients could feel and see clearly the product. Locking properly the unit on the packaging was troublesome. We had to find the exact location on the packaging to lock the unit with the less tie wraps possible and select strong enough tie wraps that would survive the boat trip from China and further transport. It took us 2 months to come up with our packaging and it is great and very revealing for the consumer.What our packaging looks likeOnce approved we were ready to go… But go where?If you don’t have stock you will never sell and what better motivator to sell than a warehouse full of BBQ CROCs?So, we ordered the first 40 feet container for the 2017 season which added to about 13,000 units. I got a Canadian distributor to work with us to sell and store. Typically he keeps between 15-25 % of sales (depending on the deal) and has warehousing abilities which was super important for us as we did not want to assume that part for now.We went out and sold and presented the product during the entire year.Start-up costs were $300,000, of which half was a loan and $110,000 extra came from private investors. We did not patent but we trademarked the name BBQ CROC in Canada, US and Australia.If somebody wants to copy my product, I do not have the funds to stop them but I can always innovate before them and design improved versions and built on my Trade name.Describe the process of launching the business.In our case, we knew we had to sell through big box stores and Amazon, so our Canadian distributor helped us for the retail side and we took care of Amazon Canada and we got an exclusive reseller for Amazon US. We made that decision in the US because being from Canada we could not drop ship and we did not know very well all the details of Amazon.com Plus we could ship direct to my reseller warehouse by full skids which was more economical.We built our web site to be a source of information to consumers and also a reference for buyers who wanted quick info and videos on the product features.2017 was a slow year because we entered late in the Buy season which 6-12 months ahead for retail stores but for 2018 we got a program with The Home Depot Canada, Home Hardware, Canadian Tire and Bunnings of Australia and we started getting a lot of sales and positive reviews on both Amazon sites. Our distributor opened us the door to a few of these retailers but all the presentation and closing of these deals was done by me which is normal as I can sell better than anybody my little baby CROC.What I learned mostly so far is that designing the product was the easy part. Getting in stores and in the consumers hands was the real challenge.Also, nobody can pitch your product like the founder. What ever opportunity I have to be present at any show, launch or other I am there...Since launch, what has worked to attract and retain customers?We have introduced new sizes: 18 in and 26 in. The 18 in is now our best seller and the 21 in which is our first model is still doing great. We also introduced a specifically designed clip on flashlight that snaps to the shaft of the BBQ CROC when needed and unclips if not needed.I believe growing the brand is crucial to keep retailers and consumers interested in your products and is key to growth. We either design new products ourselves or take existing interesting BBQ related products and make them better. I believe you must stay in the segment that brought you success which for me is BBQ TOOLs and accessories.We also partner with many Web resellers (The Grommet, Touch of Modern, Sporty’s, Groupon, etc.) to grow sales and get our product in those plate forms.I also do lots trade shows and demos in big BBQ stores when I have a chance: we always sell a ton of tools and these people that see me doing my stuff on the grill with the tool I designed become ambassadors of my brand forever.Our boothAnd me doing a demo.How are you doing today and what does the future look like?As of today, we are working hard to develop more the retail side in the US and things are looking good (starting with ACE stores and more to come).We also have 3 new products for 2019.We sell about 70% of our products through Brick & Mortar stores and 30% internet.We work on a margin that goes between 35 and 55% in general depending on volume and client. We do not work under 35%.Quality is very important for us, which is why finding the proper Chinese manufacturer was a challenge. We produce very high quality products for 2 reasons:Brand name building which leads to higher possible MSRP, andLow product returns (that can really hurt)We plan on presenting 3-4 new products a year and continue to offer Innovative BBQ solutions to grillers.Through starting the business, have you learned anything particularly helpful or advantageous?One mistake I did is advertise locally in YV and others… Waste of money. Unless you are all over the country and very strong brand, I do not recommend it.The more you interact with others (retailers, consumers, etc.) the more things can happen. Never slow down or stop or give up. If the product is good and you fight, many things can happen when you least expect it.Work is 50% and luck is 50% so the more you interact in retails shows, consumer shows, web shows, etc.the more that 50 % of luck can happen.Advice for other entrepreneurs who want to get started or are just starting out?You need a great idea and you need to surround you with people who can bring that idea to the shelves or the market place you want.You can not do it alone but you will feel alone often. That is normal.Where can we go to learn more?A great place to discover all our cool innovative BBQ tools and accessories is to visit our website: BBQCROC.com.Lots of info, pictures of products and features and videos of tools in action.Liked this interview? Full interview with all photos

[economistontherun]

I loved the swim! aka Who am I?

On my adventure to my first Ironman, the Philly Escape Series Olympic distance triathlon was my first race of the tri season. This is my third attempt at swimming this race. The swim was cancelled both times prior. It is in my backyard so I can bike to the start and I know the bike and run course well. My coach put my goal as a hard training day to get more experience in an open water river swim, get comfortable with my new Liv Avow tri bike and focus on perceived effort and heart rate, and finish with a strong run. I was so excited to race with my tri club friends and the great people of Philadelphia. 

Race Prep - Night Before

I find the process of making lists, collecting and categorizing my gear and finally putting it into piles and packing it my bag to be soothing to the pre-race chimp brain. I check off the items as I pile them and then cross it off when I put it in the bag. At my first No Limits Endurance Ironman Training Camp in Lake Placid, I was thrilled to know that others share my freakish organizational quality. 

I like this Training Peaks print out with the space for goals on the top :-) 

Nutrition & Breakfast

Notes for nutrition and directives for T1 & T2 in a zip lock for transition set up (I’m such a dork). 

Dinner @ 6:30 pm

2 slices of Pizza, cheese and crackers, Founders All Day IPA & water with Nuun

Breakfast @ 3:30 am 

6:30 am start for the race (more on that later) with 5:30 am transition closing 

1 plain bagel with peanut butter

1 coffee black

1 bottle of water with Nuun lime flavor

Banana at 5:00 am 

1 non-caffeine Peanut Butter GU at 5:50 am pre- swim 

- The swim start was rolling and I didn’t get in water until 7:00 am. I was hungry & I grabbed a half a banana from a table. You do crazy things when you are hungry. 

Nutrition Plan for race

Swim - 1 Gu pre race start - (this was not enough and I have to figure this out. I saw a woman taking shot blocks into the swim tucked under her wetsuit..hmmm. I will have an opportunity to try this again in the 5K OWS swim in July. I have time to get this right for IMLOU. 

T1 - Salted Carmel GU with water

Bike - 90 minute bike bottle - 4 scoops of Perpetuem and 12 oz of water for 4 3 oz sips every 20 minutes

2 bottles of water with Lime Nuun 

T2 - Salted Carmel GU 

Run - 1 Salted Carmel GU and water on course (no gatorade) 

Swim

The swim start was a 3/4 mile walk north of transition on the Schuylkill River. It was a self seeded rolling start with a downstream 1500 meter swim. The swim was organized with many canoes & even scuba divers. I felt really safe in there. Any of my anxiety from the swim melted away as I walked with my T3 tri club members and started talking to two women doing their first triathlon. I self seeded at the back of the 35/front of 40 minute group. It was wetsuit legal for my sleeveless and it was exactly the right choice for 74.8 degrees. 

I found that the cure for nerves was waiting around long enough that you just want to get in the water and swim! The swim was great. I didn’t have the shock of the water hitting me when I jumped in. I just got in (the bottom felt a bit weird on my feet) and I started my rhythm breathing from the right 3 breaths, then switch to the left for 3 breaths. I did have the sensation that I wanted to get it over fast, but I put myself back in my box of one buoy at a time. I loved that the distance on the buoys counted down instead of up. 

I wasn’t touched by anyone except when I touched another swimming trying to pass them. Yes, ME, passing someone!!! I felt myself moving into what felt like a steady effort and got better as the swim went on. 

I started out to the left of the buoys and then made my way back toward the buoy line. I even found a yellow line connecting them and followed that without having to sight as often. I swam really straight after that! There was a point that I realized how much the swims in Mirror Lake helped me to handle the water in the river. There was one section of chop and I visualized the swim that was really choppy and I calmed down and kept at it. 

It was the coolest thing to be swimming under the Columbia Bridge and seeing the college crew logos from the water that I always see them on Kelly Drive. It was so much fun!!!! 

PR for the distance: 1500 meters 32:48 (2:00/100 yards) my Garmin had 1:57/100

Reflection: In the future I would seed myself in the 30-35 minute wave. This would help me to get out of the water faster and not be one of the last athletes off the bike and on the run. (Need to figure out calories better with a contingency plan for delayed start).

T1 - Gotta speed this one up - 3:42

I knew where my bike was and had my crib sheet to get going quickly, but I had trouble getting my wetsuit off my ankles. I think I’ll be trying Pam on my ankles next time. Thinking back on it, I definitely “toodle” and in part that I treated this T1 like a 70.3 T1 and not trust that I have everything I need. 

Bike 

Got on the bike and took a caffeinated salted caramel GU. 

The bike is two loops through Fairmount Park. I know this route and the hills. This is a benefit in that I know when the hills end although I found myself looking forward to the hills, shifting into a lighter gear and keeping my HR in the desired zone. I know it is the correct approach but I really can’t stand getting crushed by people on the hills. I suspect that what is happening with my bike is what happened when I first starting training with heart rate and running. There was a disconnect between pace and HR, but now it is dialed in. The same thing will happen as I continue to train. 

This was the first race with my new bike “Louise.” I went into it wanting to reach my target HR, keep a cadence around 80-85 on average, anticipate shifting and avoid the klunk and drink and eat throughout. 

My secret goal was to finish in under 90 minutes, but that will come. I was able to take the downhills with much more control. Brake before the turns instead of in them, work the flats in aero and have one heck of a great time riding my bike outside with so many people in MY CITY! My average speed was better too! 

I got to see my biggest supporter, my husband, at the top of one of the hills! It made my day to see him there. At the second loop, he said - PUT the HAMMER DOWN. I laughed because this is an inside joke about the size of the Hammer fuel containers in our house. 

I felt like my nutrition was on point. I need to check my watch because it didn’t go off every 20 minutes and I ended up taking a sip at the end of the ride. I don’t know if this impacted my run at all. I had a GU right when I got off the bike. 

I am super stoked over my bike handling in hydration. When the front torpedo needed to be filled, I decided to fill it with the bottle behind my seat when I was going up hill. Slow enough to change the bottle, yet enough momentum to allow for balance. I did it! I even yelled “Woo Hoo!” It’s a challenge to get that bottle in the back container blind. Victory! 

This was a great bike! I had so much fun on this ride! I pushed the entire time and learned that I am totally capable of doing that! Lots of room for improvement and this ride was a view of what is to come. 

PR for Distance: 40k 1:33:24 

Louise’s first race! So much fun!!!! Photo Credit: Gerard

T2- Less thinking and more automatic moving - 2:11

Triathlon is not a glamour sport when it comes to putting your body through the paces. I was well hydrated and as soon as I got off my bike, I peed myself. Yup. Just like that. Never had that happen before. Saved a trip to the portopot. I had an extra bottle of water that I washed myself off with and away I went. I laughed as I exited run out thinking of how Maria (my fearless coach) was going to laugh at this story. 

Run

This is an out and back two loops of the 5k run right on the surface of the sun. I should be able to crush this course, but not today. I stuck to my plan taking it easy for the first mile until I got my legs under me. It took longer this time than when I remember before. I used my mantras from the “Calm the F*** Down” book to push back the heavy legs. I should be able to run faster. I managed to do a progression run and my HR was between Zone 2 & 3 but I still felt like there was part of this run that I could have mentally pushed. I counted to 100 over and over on the 2nd loop and it made it go by faster. 

It was hot (91 degrees). I kept drinking water and putting it over my head. My shoes were so wet the insole moved and if the run was any longer I would have had a blister issue. No gatorade on the run, it made my stomach flip over the idea of drinking it. I had some cramping in my belly, thought maybe it was salt or calories so I took a GU. 

I passed so many people who were doing the sprint or were barely running at this point. I just wanted to go faster and then maybe I was good with where I was. It is hard to say. I find it very difficult to go into the same pain cave I can tolerate or set my mind to endure 5K or 5 mile running race. It is a challenge to get my adrenaline to the same level during the run in a triathlon. I still have a lot to learn about this portion of the race. 

The other thing about this race is that there are athletes already on the run course when riders like me are heading into the second loop of the bike. Riders pass them on the course. The bulk of the athletes seem to be on the run course when I have about 2 miles to go on the bike. I actually said out loud - this is your race and only your race, you are going to PR today! They are all running their own races. This put me back into the driver’s seat of my own awesome day!  

Later, when I was riding home, I saw people still finishing up the run course. They were awesome! We are all awesome. We got to swim, ride bikes and run. I am always grateful and think of how my mom would love to be running again, but her body won’t let her. It inspires me. Gerard and I are so fortunate to be able to do what we love and support each other. How can we not smile? 

10k Run  - Negative Split :-) 53:27 

Total Finish Time: 3:05:30 - 6 minute PR for Olympic Distance 

Next stop - a first - a 5K swim..... In other words - “Clear Your Mind of Can’t.” 

Victories:

Great open water swim! No anxiety and was able to get to steady pace.

Safely and successfully filled front water bottle & returned back bottle into cage.

Hit my HR targets for bike and pushed through the times when my mind and body wanted to relax and settle in. 

Road over the crest of the hill & other bike skills

Ran a negative split/progression run for 10k

Kept positive even when it got tough 

Had so much fun & I am really believing in my success to become an Ironman in Louisville. 

[ladytitanium]

1,2,7 to 17, 19 to 23, 25 to 70

OKAY SO this got suuuuper long and I’m gonna answer it under a readmore but thank you so much for asking!

1. First game you played obsessively?

Definitely Minecraft. I got it around 2012 and played it whenever I could, although shortly afterwards I moved on to playing a lot of TF2 with some online friends.

2. A game that has influenced you creatively? Writing, drawing, etc. 

TF2 and Portal 2 were the first things I ever wrote fanfic for, so I’d say those two are big and important for sure. More recently, though, Transistor and Pyre have been inspiring me to pursue more art and music.

7. Any games you have multiple copies of?

I have Portal 2 for xbox 360 and PC.

8. Rarest/Most expensive game in your collection?

I had a copy of Link to the Past in great condition, but my ex stole that and my entire SNES so :/

9. Most regrettable purchase?

No Man’s Sky is the obvious answer but I think I have some steam games lying around that I bought and played once, or just never touched. Not sure which ones, though. Usually if I’m going to spend actual money on something, I try to make sure it’s good first.

10. Ever go to a midnight game release or stand in line for hours?

No, but I’d like to someday.

11. Have you ever made new friends from playing video games?

Not in the sense of meeting people in an mmo or anything, but I’ve definitely bonded with people I’ve met over a mutual love of games.

12. Ever get picked on for liking games?

Nah, not really. I’ve been picked on more for not having played enough games, honestly.

13. A game you’ve never played that everyone else has?

I’ve never played Overwatch or most online competitive games, or any MMOs aside from like 5 hours of gw2.

14. Favorite game music?

Anything Darren Korb, the composer for Supergiant Games, has made. Bastion, Transistor, and Pyre OSTs will always have a special place in my heart. Honorable mention goes to the Portal 2 soundtrack.

15. If it was a requirement to get a game related tattoo, what would you pick?

I……. have a triforce tattoo…….. on my left wrist……………

16. Favorite game to play with your friends IRL?

I tend to like watching people play games rather than doing competitive or couch coop type things, so it’s hard to say. I used to hang out with my friends while we all did playthroughs of the Mass Effect trilogy, though, which was wonderful.

17. Ever lose a friend over a game?

Nah. Had some arguments over the Souls games, though.

19. Favorite handheld console?

3DS, definitely, although I do have some nostalgia for the good ol’ GBA.

20. Game that you know like the back of your hand?

Portal 2, although it’s been a few years since I’ve played so I might not be as familiar with it as I once was. Barring that, Stardew Valley.

21. Game that you didn’t like or understand as a kid but love now?

I can’t think of any, honestly, since I almost never played anything as a kid.

22. Do you wear game related clothing/accessories?

The occasional Zelda t-shirt, and my old Aperture Science tanktop. I’d wear more if I owned more.

23. The game that you’ve logged the most hours into?

TF2, I think? I used to play for hours every evening.

25. Were you ever an arcade game player?

Sadly, no. My mother thought arcades were giant wastes of time and money and would corrupt me and make me stupid. 

26. Ever form any gaming rivalries?

No, I don’t get competitive much. 

27. Game that makes you rage?

Any kind of roguelike makes me angry just thinking about it. I hate losing progress. Really difficult platformers make me frustrated and angry too.

28. Ever play in a tournament?

Dear god no.

29. What is your gaming set up?

Currently, none. I have a shitty, half-broken laptop.

30. How many consoles do you own?

I own a Switch and a 3DS. I have access to an XBONE though.

31. Does the 3DS and/or Virtual Boy hurt your eyes or give you headaches?

I’ve never tried a Virtual Boy, but leaving the 3D on high on my 3DS is something I’ve only done once due to the nasty headache it gave me.

32. Did you ever play a game based on your favorite show/cartoon/movie/comic?

I don’t think so, no.

33. Did you ever have any bootleg games or plug-n-play games?

I had a Sonic handheld game from a happy meal, does that count?

34. Do either of your parents play video games?

My dad does, a lot. Mostly MMOs. I think my mother did too, but mostly Civ, some ancient Egypt themed MMO, and Guild Wars, from what I can recall.

35. Ever work in a game store? Or do you have a favorite game shop?

I worked in a game store for about six months late last year/early this year. It’s the best job I’ve ever had.

36. Have you ever shed actual blood, sweat or tears over a game?

Oh, tears, absolutely. Plenty of games have made me cry. FFXV, Persona 5, Transistor, Portal 2, the list goes on.

37. Have you played E.T. for the Atari 2600? Do you think that’s the worst game ever, or do you have another nomination?

I actually have played it! Perks of working at a game store that sells Ataris. I was utterly baffled by it, so I think “worst game ever made” is a fair title.

38. A game you’re ashamed to admit that you like?

I really enjoy all the walking simulators/art games I’ve played. I know a lot of people say they aren’t real games or whatever but I think most of the ones I’ve played are genuinely enjoyable experiences.

39. A sequel that you would die for them to make?

...Portal 3, but with the same writers+VAs+team in general. I know that’ll never happen now but I need it like I need air.

40. What to you think of virtual reality headsets or motion controls?

Motion controls can be hit or miss. I think they need to be integrated well and very functional to be enjoyable. Like, wii sports and stuff? I loved it. Those tilt puzzles in the shrines in BOTW? Absolutely horrendous. As for VR, I really want to try it someday. I think it’s neat.

41. A genre that you just can’t get into?

Roguelikes, Souls-like (where the only purpose of the game is to be as difficult as possible so people who master it can be snobs about it), and any realistic online-only FPS things like Call of Duty are the three main things I will never, ever touch.

42. Maybe it wasn’t your first game, but what was the game that started you on your path to nerdiness?

Pokemon Ruby, absolutely.

43. Ever play games when you really should have been concentrating on something else?

All through the second half of high school, tbh.

44. Arcade machine that has consumed the most of your quarters?

I’ve never actually gotten to play arcade games much.

45. How are you at Mario Kart?

I’m only decent at Mario Kart Wii, because I played it a lot.

46. Do you like relaxing games like Animal Crossing or Harvest Moon?

Absolutely! Animal Crossing New Leaf and City Folk are games I love dearly and have spent a LOT of time on over the years.

47. Do you like competitive games?

Almost never. I only ever played TF2 with friends, and that pretty much extends to any competitive game I might play. Only with friends, and only sometimes.

48. How long does it take your to customize your player character?

So. Long.

49. In games where you can pick your class, do you always tend to go for the same type of character?

Yeah, mages are kind of my thing. I get jumpy when I have to do a bunch of melee so I tend to prefer to stand back a little. I always went full biotic in Mass Effect for that reason.

50. If you were a game designer, what masterpiece would you create?

That’s a tough one. I’ve had a few concepts over the years, but none that have really stuck with me.

51. Have you ever played a game for so long that you forgot to eat or sleep?

Yeah, definitely. I lose track of time really easily if I’m absorbed in something.

52. A game that you begged your parents for as a kid?

All Pokemon games from gen 4+5.

53. What’s your opinion on DLC these days?

Any DLC that adds characters or plot necessary for the full enjoyment of the game should be free imo. Skins/weapons/maps/non-essential quests and missions can be behind a paywall. Like, ME3′s From Ashes DLC should have been free, and I go back and forth between whether it was cool to have Citadel and Omega DLCs behind paywalls, but all the weapons/armor/alternate appearance packs I’m totally fine with being paid DLC.

54. Do you give in to Steam sales?

Only when I have money.

55. Did you ever make someone you hated in the Sims and did mean stuff to them?

I never played any Sims games.

56. Did you ever play Roller Coaster Tycoon and kill off your guests?

Never played Roller Coaster Tycoon either.

57. Did you ever play a game to 100% or get all of the achievements?

Minish Cap, I think? I tried to 100% Super Mario Galaxy but I couldn’t ever quite do it.

58. If you can only play 3 games for the rest of your life, which ones do you pick?

Oh, shit. Uh. Animal Crossing New Leaf, Pokemon Sun (or Moon), and... I can’t pick a third one. Probably something with multiplayer.

59. Do you play any cell phone games?

Yeah, but most of them are just little time-wasting puzzle games.

60. Do you know the Konami Code?

Yes!

61. Do you trade in your games or keep them forever?

I’ve never traded in a game but I might if I bought a physical copy of something I didn’t like.

62. Ever buy a console specifically to play one game?

Does the Switch count, since till Splatoon 2 came out I only had BOTW on it? I’ve considered getting a PS4 just for P5 and Horizon Zero Dawn.

63. Ever go to a gaming convention or tournament? 

I went to GenCon a few times when I was really young but I barely remember it, and I’ve tagged along to a handful of Warhammer 40k tournaments with my dad, but that was also like 10 years ago. So no, not really.

64. Ever make a TV or monitor purchase based on what would be best for gaming?

I’ve never bought a TV or monitor myself.

65. Ever have a Game Genie, Game Shark or Action Replay? Did it ever mess up your game’s save file?

I had an Action Replay for shinies in X and Y.

66. Did you ever have have an old Nokia with Snake on it?

No, my first phone was a Windows phone when I was 14 because my mother hated technology and wanted to control me so a phone was way too much freedom and entirely out of the question :/

67. Do you have a happy gaming-related childhood memory you want to share?

I remember the first time I beat Portal 2, sitting on the floor in front of the TV and crying tears of joy. That was pretty great.

68. Ever save up a ton of tickets in an arcade to get something cool?

I wanted to, but didn’t go to arcades enough.

69. In your opinion, best game ever made? 

Transistor. Can’t think of a single bad thing about it, honestly. Persona 5 and Horizon Zero Dawn are near-flawless too.

70. Very first game you ever beat?

The first game I beat was Pokemon Ruby, but idk if that counts since I shared with my brother, and I think my dad had to help us beat the Elite 4 because we were young and didn’t grind enough. I took turns with Portal 2, too. Portal 1, maybe?

[holisticpassport]

There You Are

On the eve of my 25th birthday, I’ve been thinking about a list I made when I was 16. This list consisted of life plans up to the age of 35. A few things off this list were to graduate high school at 18, graduate college by 22, have studied abroad and done a 1-2 month Eurotrip before I got married at 23, Have my first child by 25 and a second by 28, be making a minimum of 40k per year by 30 and have an established career by 35. WHEW! I’ll tell you right now, aint no way a baby is comin’ outta me by tomorrow. I think about that mindset at 16, and how society told me those were the things I was supposed to want and have done by those ages. But those travel plans I threw in—to study abroad during college and to take a Eurotrip I had always wanted to take to specifically see Paris since I was eight years old—that right there shows me I already had a mind of my own unwilling to completely conform to the norm.

I remember when I was five years old wondering what I would be like and where I would be when I was 18. Then at 18 I wondered what and where I would be at 21, and at 21 I wondered about 25. One thing is for absolutely certain: at all of those points in my life, I realized I was happy. I was never where I anticipated both physically and mentally, but life takes you in different directions and then there you are. You’re 25, an extremely independent woman with no children, not married, mildly heartbroken, but wiser and more grounded than you’ve ever felt, and above all you’re in fucking Australia. Never in your life would you have thought this is where you’d be—packing pears on a farm with a house filled with Irish girls. But here you are, and guess what? You’re happy. Surprised? You shouldn’t be.

I’m finding it difficult to make long term goals now because Europe was always what I was building my life up to. Granted I did see a large portion of the world at 19, but to have set a goal (Paris) so young and manifested the idea for over 15 years… it’s hard to think about what happens after. I’ve been trying to piece together some semblance of a long-term goal and it revolves around the kind of life I want to live. My two main goals are to pay off all my debt by the age of 30 and to possibly begin working on building a tiny house so I can do my next big trip traveling to 48 of the 50 states (I obviously can’t bring my tiny house to Hawaii, and I have a specific dream for Alaska so I exclude that one as well). I’m still trying to figure out this whole career thing with being a flight attendant or pursuing music, *insert 15 other ideas I’ve thrown around on the blog*, but I’m sure that will present itself as time goes on. As far as just traveling, I know I want to see Spain this year so even if I don’t save enough for the month I’d be working in Germany, I’d probably give up working for Stoke just so I could have 2 weeks in Spain going to festivals and lounging about with sangria in the summer sun.

Other than that, my back is aching in waves of pain from the three, 10 hour days in a row of packing plums and pears. The week feels long as our trip to Tallis Winery on Sunday feels like a million years ago considering how much chaos took place in between. Two girls got sent home from the farm, and without diving into details it just goes to show how very delicate and fragile this whole scenario is. All my plans, all my savings, and all of my stability could go up in flames instantly without any hope for reconsideration. In saying this, I’ve been mulling over the idea of getting my 2nd year visa and going up to northern territory to get it (Americans can only get their 2nd year above the Capricorn line). I genuinely like Shepparton, and there is a lot of good about this set up (aka washing machines, Wi-Fi, TV, heaters, etc.), but I keep going back to what I’m going to do after I go home in October. I’ll spend the holidays there, and… then what? I could come back to AU to keep working because the pay is so much better than the states. I could go to New Zealand on a year-long work holiday visa. I’ll also have been able to grab my teaching certificates while at home and could go teach anywhere in the world. This choice needs to be made soon though, as I’m planning to leave AU at the end of August for Spain and Germany and need 88 working days to meet the visa requirements. I’m not saving enough which is making me nervous to buy any tickets for Europe. I should tap into the same reckless mentality I had when I chose to do the Perth bus trip aka deal with it as it comes. But, I also can’t find myself in that situation again of being completely broke in a foreign country. For now, I’ll keep my head down, mouth shut, and work my body to the bone to get where I need to go.

Life outside of work, I’ve mostly been spending time with Coca Cola man (the nickname everyone has given him since he works for them, and again I keep names out of blogs). The past month has consisted of drinking with friends in town or at his place, going to Kyabram Fauna Park, catching up on some American Horror Story, going to the movies, laughing way too much at stupid jokes, sharing music, playing guitar, making plans for camping when it’s not raining, and in general forgetting that the rest of the world exists or that there’s supposed to be any kind of stress attached to liking someone. I’ve reached a point where I know I don’t have the emotional energy to pursue something new again and I probably wont for a long time, but we’re on the same page and it’s nice to have company to talk about how obsessed Americans are with phrases to do with clams and make fun of how many times I STILL walk to the wrong side of the car.

So cheers, kids. This is what a quarter of century looks like.