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kleinewahines · 8 days ago

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None of this felt right. This was not how he imagined their reunion to go. Antagonistic. Cold. Asocial. Too many unknowns... Too much worrying this was not in fact the real Shepard so it was far easier to keep some of himself closed off than to dive in and slam his face into the pavement when it turned out he'd been talking to some kind of clone or simply a Shepard that wasn't the one he remembered.

"Keeping you honest, Shepard, is what I've always been here for," he said then, a glint of something in his eye that so far had stayed emotionless even when his temper had been stoked. And though the wording could have been snotty, there was a bit of the old Kaidan there in his voice -- soft, gentle. He had been the Second Officer on the SR-1 for a reason (Logged: The Commanding Officer is ashore. XO Pressly has the deck). Anderson had trusted Kaidan to always steer Shepard in the correct direction. Watch her, Alenko. Keep her aimed towards Polaris.

He eyed her silently, the smallest hint of pain in his eyes and the set of his mouth. There were too many unknowns and he simply did not like not having more blanks filled in. If it had been him... but it wasn't. (And there was guilt, so much fucking guilt! He survived. Why did he survive? Why was he special? Why did he deserve to live but Shepard didn't?) It wasn't and he couldn't say how he would be coming out of a coma two years later to a galaxy both drastically different and distressingly the same.

Sure, the SR-1 crew had been sounding the alarm in the two years that Shepard was being put back together. But Kaidan was exposed to constant radio silence on the Reaper threat in that time as well. And it drove him nuts. And so he was cautious, jaded, and oh so very tired like a man twice his age.

His thoughts wandered to the fact that when he went to report in, he would be passing the apartment block of a woman he had been seeing off and on for a while. After giving up hope that Shepard could possibly be alive somewhere. No body, no death, right? Two years was a long time to be alone. Kaidan didn't do well with alone. And maybe he should mention her. But he would not. Not here. He had wounded Shepard enough as it was. Wounded himself enough. Martyring himself, just like on Virmire.

There would be a reckoning at some point. But today was not the day for it. Biotics flickered around him again, a hint of the turmoil he was feeling in every fiber of his being. The blue glow traced his arms and torso before dying away like wisps of smoke. The only way for Kaidan to figure out the conundrum that was Shepard standing there, alive, was to look at everything from a detached distance. He had to be someone he wasn't in order to protect his own heart and brain. Two. Years.

Clearing his throat, he rose to his full six foot something height (he was taller on the ship than he was on the Citadel thanks to the changes in artificial gravity strength meaning his spine was either compressed or allowed to spread which accounted for his height). He finally took a small sip of the water from the bottle he had used more as a stimming tool than anything.

"I feel like most of it Anderson already knows. He clearly sent me in your path," he admitted, using his biotics to spin the bottle in his hands far faster than he physically could have done it. His lack of asking her to go with him wasn't done as a slight. He just didn't think Shepard could get away with it right now. And she seemed to have other plans, regardless.

A pause then he offered his first wide smile. "I'd stay away from anything green," he said. And maybe that was the first sign that Kaidan was beginning to adjust to this new normal of having Commander Shepard back so he could continue to play 'does she, doesn't she'.

Being a Commander now afforded him the privilege of having his own little apartment rather than sleeping in the barracks on the Citadel. It was very Spartan, but he didn't spend much time on the Citadel these days, anyway. But it was where he kept his dress blues.

As he predicted, Anderson wasn't too surprised by the 'news' of Commander Shepard not being dead after all. He did, however, express concern about the existence of the Normandy SR-2. It hadn't been in Kaidan's purview to get any kind of intel on the ship itself beyond what he had seen and noticed just wandering through the third deck and the second. He didn't have much on EDI, or how they had made a bigger version of the Normandy somehow work at all. And even kept some of the original Normandy's Turian designs. He hadn't been there as a spy. He had been a guest slash prisoner. When Anderson asked how the Commander 'seemed', Kaidan could only shrug and try to explain Shepard's reasoning for working with Cerberus at all (just because he didn't quite agree with the logic, didn't mean he didn't understand it).

By the end of it, he was exhausted. Like he had been put through the ringer. But, hey, on the other hand he definitely could use a beer.

He was too exhausted, in fact, to change out of the dress blues. So instead, just like when he had graduated from the Academy, he wandered into the bar wearing the fanciest clothes he owned. No cover, and no cover. No worries.

The L2 biotic was more often found to be drinking in privacy than in a bar, but. Luckily the beer he wanted was available, just not on tap. That was fine; sometimes it was more preferable to be in a bottle instead (but never a can because it made it taste weird; Kaidan tasted enough weirdness as it was as a biotic and also he had shocked himself numerous times with canned beverages and liked to avoid that).

His eyes a few shades of brown darker than the beer in his hand grazed over the crowds of people. It was only when a krogan clearly loaded with ryncol moved a little off to his left did Kaidan catch sight of Kat. He flowed through the crowd, dodging everyone while keeping a thumb over the top of the bottle of beer to prevent spilling.

Kaidan cocked his head to the side then leaned in.

"C'mere often?" he asked, mouth quirking into an easy smile.

Kat was having more difficulty than she expected reading her old friend. He felt… cold, in a way, compared to before. It hurt to think about; had her death really taken that much of a toll on him? She’d always understood him to be a warm and inviting presence, and she’d admired that about him; it was a part of him that made even her, closed off as she was, feel comfortable and safe, in a sense. Now he seemed cold, almost callous in a way, and that struck a chord in her.

Another person who’d changed as a result of her death—who’d changed because she’d left.

Kaidan may not have thought that BAaT and the Alliance were the same as Cerberus and their crimes, but Kat knew full well there was an element of truth to her choice of words. It held the same principles, and that was the point: things weren’t always black-and-white, and sometimes, the shades of grey were the real things a person had to learn to distinguish. Katrina only saw the world in shades of grey; it was one of the reasons she was as good at doing what she did. Her only response to his statement was a brief raise of her eyebrows, a silent ‘sure, pretend I’m wrong’ that she didn’t dare voice in case it made the situation worse.

But at the mention of secrets and his admission that a few of them had mysteriously malfunctioned, she almost laughed. Almost. The old Kat would’ve had a quip or two to make about it; probably some sarcastic comment about how worried she was about it (when in reality, she wasn’t). But instead… she was quiet, almost nervous, a hint of uncertainty in her tone as to whether it was appropriate for her to joke or not.

Regardless, it was exactly what she’d expected, and it was the reason she hadn’t wanted to have a conversation with him on the ship; she’d kept things strictly business on board for that reason, and she intended to do just that. But she listened, hearing him out; he had experience in the colonies, and she’d grown up in the colonies. That was experience that, when combined, was deeply useful in the situation they were in. But he wasn’t wrong about disagreement; that was something she had to consider. She was certain that if she disagreed with him on anything, it would be for a good reason, but she had to take into account the Cerberus crew members. The less tension between anyone, the better. At least she knew, for the time being, that she was the one in charge.

But then… her name. That alone caught her attention; she’d been referred to as Shepard for so long, it almost felt like the personal name she had was forgotten. She was Katrina—preferably Kat—Shepard, not just Shepard. At the mention of splashing her with water, though… there was a hint of a smile there, one that ghosted across her features, disappearing as quickly as it had appeared. She took a breath as if to say something, but thought better of it. What she’d been about to say was that she hoped he’d shoot her if Cerberus really was screwing with her, but that wasn’t a topic she wanted to breach right now. He didn’t need to know she was asking the same questions about herself, about her own existence, that he’d been asking her. He needed to see her conviction, her determination—not her fractured emotional state. Nevertheless, subtle signs slipped through; the faint tremble in one of her hands, the way her thumb rubbed the inside of her wrist, like she was trying to calm herself, the way her breaths were controlled and even—too controlled and even to be natural.

“I trust your experience and knowledge. I trust your insight into situations. I’m not going to listen to everything, because even you can be wrong—but if I’m not going to listen, I know it’s going to be for the right reasons. I ignored both you and Ash on Virmire, and I don’t think any of us regret that.” A necessary one, and she understood his decision, but she’d be lying if it hadn’t resulted in the situation being more difficult than it needed to be. But despite the statement he’d made… she wasn’t sure she could agree to that, not when she didn’t believe it herself. She couldn't agree that he shouldn't consider her a lost cause if things seemed too off. But she also was sure he needed to hear that she believed it--that she believed she was the same person from two years ago.

Her feelings on it didn't matter.

“I trust that if I’m making a decision that’s not in the best interest of the greater good… you’ll tell me,” she finally said after too long of a pause. Checking the time on her omni-tool, she glanced over at him. “You’d, uh… better not keep Anderson waiting. In the meantime… I need a damned drink.” She paused, hesitant to offer; her thumb rubbed the inside of her wrist over her pulse, a nervous gesture. “Probably at the Dark Star Lounge.” She couldn’t quite find the courage to ask him directly to join her, but hopefully, he’d at least want to have a more casual and less tense conversation with her, if nothing else. Something relaxed. Something friendly.

#C: Kaidan;#V: Collector Crisis;#serabellyms: kat;#serabellyms #[does she doesn't she is so juvenile but it's the best I could come up with lmao]

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drabbles-mc · 4 years ago

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You Came Back (3/3)

Juice Ortiz x Reader

Request from @ateliefloresdaprimavera: Juice has a special place in my heart, so I'm denying his ending on the show😭 I want to foccus on the nurturing,fluffy and romantic side that he deserves😍 maybe something about Opie and Jax childhood friend who comes back to charming( Gemma always thought of her as her own kid) and she's really closed of emotionaly, bit our boy is smitten from the second he has his eyes on her. so romantic Juice overdrive, and she starts to see this side of life that's worth, by his side

Warnings: language, soft confessions and feelings like whoa

Word Count: 2.9k

A/N: The conclusion of this little mini-series! Thanks for the request, I hope you enjoyed it! xo

Chapter Index: Part 1, Part 2

You and Juice became fast friends as the days went by. Jax and Opie would bug you about it when it was just the three of you. They insisted that something more must be going on between the two of you. It was easy to deny it, because it wasn’t true. But you couldn’t deny that Juice did have a little bit of a lost-puppy look whenever he was with you. That boy would follow you anywhere you asked him to.

“You guys have weekly dates now,” Opie said with a laugh, “You’re essentially a couple.”

You shook your head, “They aren’t dates. I don’t know why you guys can’t believe that two people can spend time with each other and not be fucking. That’s a you problem.”

“Fine, whatever,” Jax said with a chuckle, “But he’s definitely a little in love with you.”

You rolled your eyes, “Oh shut up no he is not. He doesn’t even really know me.”

“And whose fault is that?” Opie said before taking a sip of his beer.

It sent a mild jolt of fear through your body when he asked that question. You shook your head, trying to dismiss the topic, “What is this? You guys want me to date him or something?”

“I’d never tell someone to hook up with your crazy ass,” Jax laughed, “But I don’t think he’s interested in taking my advice at this point,” he searched your face, trying to figure out what you were thinking, “You seeing him later?”

You sighed, knowing that answering truthfully was going to invite a bunch of other questions and issues, “Maybe.”

“What’s the big date plan tonight?” Jax’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.

“Not a date,” you shot him a glare, “We’re just hanging out at his house.”

“His house?” Jax raised his eyebrows.

“Sure as hell not inviting him here,” you laughed and shook your head, “You boys done grilling me about it?” you got up and grabbed your purse and your keys, “I have places to be.”

Jax and Opie stayed seated at the counter, laughing as you pulled your shoes on and got ready to storm out of the house. Opie tilted his bear towards you, “Tell Juice we said hello.”

You didn’t respond, instead just turned and walked out, shutting the door behind you a little harder than necessary. Your thoughts flew through your brain at record speeds as you made your way to Juice’s house. For as much time as the two of you spent together, you never really let him in. You hadn’t even talked to Jax and Opie about how you ended up back in Charming, and you’d known them for as long as you could remember. But Juice never brought it up, not since the first time you two really spoke. You wondered why he was so okay with being kept at arms-length.

When you got to Juice’s house, you let yourself in. He was on the couch, deeply entrenched in his current round of Call of Duty. You smiled and shook your head as you toed off your shoes and made your way over to the couch. He looked over at you for a moment and flashed you a smile before retuning his attention to the television. You sat back and watched, laughing at how worked up he and his friends would get over it.

When the match was over, he took off his headset and turned to you, “Sorry about that.”

You chuckled and shook your head, “You’re fine. Sorry you guys didn’t at least get a win.”

He shrugged it off, “It’s whatever. Still up for pizza and movies?”

You nodded, “Of course!”

The two of you had demolished the pizza you had ordered. All that was left was the empty box where you both were starting to accumulate your empty beer bottles. You were both sitting on opposite ends of the couch. Your legs stretched across the cushions while he rested his feet on the end of the coffee table. His eyes were glued to the television despite the fact that he had seen the movie a million times before. You were trying to stay focused, but your mind kept replaying everything that had been happening over the last few weeks.

“Thank you,” you blurted out.

He looked over at you, clearly confused, “For what?”

You felt your face heating up, “For, you know, not being a total dick,” you chuckled.

He laughed, “That’s a low bar that I’m more than happy to meet.”

“Why are you so okay with being friends with someone you know nothing about?”

His expression softened, “I know enough about you to know that you’re someone that I want in my life,” there was a look in his eyes that let you know that he had his own demons to battle, “And opening up is…hard. I get it.”

A small smile crept across your face, “You this sweet to everyone, Juan Carlos?”

He chuckled, “No.”

You both returned your attention to the television but your chest felt a little lighter. He didn’t look over at you but his hand absently crept over and came to rest on your leg. You smiled, fighting the urge to look at him. Neither of you said anything more as you finished the rest of the movie.

When you got to the office at T-M the next day, there was a coffee waiting for you on your desk. You smiled as you looked at the note that was resting on top of it, “Since I know you had a late night. -JC” You took a sip and chuckled to yourself at the fact that he knew your order. Maybe he really did know a thing or two about you.

Over the course of the next week, almost every morning you came in to something small on your desk. It wasn’t ever anything crazy or extravagant. He’d leave you your favorite candy bar or a snack. One morning you walked in and laughed when you saw that there was a milkshake sitting on your desk. He never mentioned it when he saw you throughout the day, just carrying on a conversation with you as normal.

You walked into the office on Saturday morning and there were two slips of paper waiting for you on your desk. Both had Juice’s handwriting on them. All the first note said was, “Dinner and a movie? -JC” and the second one was a makeshift movie ticket that he had clearly drawn up himself. You couldn’t stop smiling, laughing when you saw that he wrote, “Theater Number: My House”.

You walked over to the shop, knowing that this time you’d have to address what he had left on your desk. For a minute you thought that he was gone doing club business, but then you saw his legs sticking out from underneath a car that he was working on. You smiled as you silently pulled up a stool and sat down to wait for him to finish up whatever he was working on.

The sound of him muttering and cursing drifted out from underneath the car and you accidentally let a laugh slip past your lips. The next sound was a thud, followed by Juice quietly but forcefully saying, “Fuck,” and you had to assume that the thud was the sound of his head smacking against something underneath the vehicle.

He slid out and looked up at you, one hand resting on his forehead, “I didn’t know you were here.”

You chuckled, “I was waiting for you to finish whatever it is you’re doing down there.”

He sat upright, “I should probably take a break anyway.”

Your eyes grew wide when he dropped his hand back down to his side—whatever his head had collided with had put a gash into his forehead, “Jesus Christ, your head.”

“What?” he ran his fingers across and looked at them, sighing when he saw the blood, “Shit.”

You stood up and helped him to do the same before having him sit on the stool, “Wait here. I got some band-aids and stuff in my office.”

You came back to him with your very unofficial and incomplete first-aid kit. You didn’t have much, but you had enough to take care of the cut on his forehead. You gently cleaned it with a damp paper towel before wiping it down with alcohol. He cringed but didn’t say anything.

“You want a regular band-aid or a superhero one?”

He chuckled, “Only if you have Spider-Man in there.”

You dug around the box and pulled one out with a smile, “You’re in luck.”

You were gently smoothing the bandage onto his forehead when you looked down to take in his expression. His eyes were closed and there was a calm smile on his face—you knew he was soaking up the feeling of you taking care of him. Your breath got caught in your throat for a minute and you had to focus on taking a deep breath as you felt your heartbeat pick up speed.

“So,” you cleared your throat, trying to get your composure back, “this doesn’t seem like a hospital-worthy injury. Think you’ll be stable enough for dinner and a movie tonight?”

He opened his eyes and smiled up at you, “You tell me, doc. Think I’ll be alright?”

You chuckled, nodding, “Yea, a night in and plenty of rest might be just the thing you need.”

You let your hand slide down and cup the side of his face for a moment before you caught yourself and nervously took it away. You could tell by the look in Juice’s eye that the gesture wasn’t lost on him. He was right—opening up wasn’t easy, but you felt like you were reaching a point where you had no other choice.

“If Spider-Man doesn’t hold up,” you attempted to redirect the conversation, “come see me. I think I have a Hulk one that will do the trick.”

He smiled at you, “Thanks,” he watched you as you walked back to the office, bringing his hand up to rest where yours had just been.

You didn’t really talk to him for the rest of the day, both of you being wrapped up in your own responsibilities. The closest you came was overhearing the guys making fun of his band-aid. He took the heckling in stride, the way that he always did, and you couldn’t help but to shake your head.

He popped into the office at the end of the day, arms and hands streaked with grease but his head seemed like it hadn’t suffered any more than it did in the morning. “Hey, uh, I gotta head home and shower,” he chuckled, “Because I’m fucking gross right now. But if you want, I can come pick you up later.”

“A chauffer to the movie theater?” you smirked at him from your desk.

He laughed, “Exactly.”

You tapped your pen lightly on the desk a few times, trying to figure out if you were going to say something about all the thoughts that had been racing through your head. You gnawed lightly at the inside of your cheek for a moment before forcing yourself to meet his eyes, “Is this a date?”

His eyes widened for a moment, not expecting the question, “I…um…I mean,” he rested his hand on the back of his neck, “You want it to be?”

“Do you?”

He chuckled, not able to look you in the eyes, “If it was up to me, I would’ve taken you out on a date the first night I met you.”

You felt your heart skip a beat inside your chest, “I got a lot of shit I gotta work through, Juan,” you weren’t expecting your voice to sound so soft.

He smiled at you, his expression always so comforting, “I’m just asking to pick you up for dinner and a movie. That’s all.”

You nodded, feeling a little better, “Right. Yea, okay.”

He nodded and lightly knocked on the doorframe, “I’ll see you later, then,” he flashed you a grin before taking off out the door.

You were sitting on the couch in the living room, trying not to feel too anxious as you waited for Juice to come and pick you up. Your only saving grace was that Jax wasn’t home, so you weren’t going to be bombarded with questions about why Juice was picking you up.

You heard the sound of his bike pulling into the driveway and you practically leapt off the couch. You walked over and out the front door, meeting him on the front steps. He smiled at you, letting out a quiet laugh as you shut and locked the door behind you.

“I’d ask if you’re ready but I feel like I know the answer,” he beamed at you as he handed you his helmet.

The two of you were sat on his couch eating dinner. You had to admit that you were surprised at how well he could cook. You could tell that the air felt a little different, but it was good. It felt like there were so many words resting on the tip of your tongue and you didn’t know where to start.

“What’re you thinking?” Juice asked, a small smile tugging at the edges of his mouth.

You chuckled, not quite knowing where to start, “I really like this,” you gestured between the two of you, “what we’ve been doing. I…I like you a lot. And I know you said not to be sorry about being such a closed fucking book all the time. But I don’t like being like this. I thought I was okay with it but,” you shook your head, “Anyway. I just, fuck. If we’re gonna do this I want you to know what you’re getting into.”

He nodded for you to continue, “So, what am I getting into?”

“I left Charming because I couldn’t stand the thought of being stuck here for the rest of my life. I up and left everything, not that I had much to leave behind,” you shook your head slightly, “But everywhere I went I was still stuck with this shitty feeling of not belonging there. It didn’t matter where I worked, if I made friends, if I was dating someone—I was just haunted by this nagging feeling of being in the wrong place,” you looked at Juice and there was a sadness in his eyes that let you know that he understood exactly where you were coming from, “I ended up getting into some bad shit with the wrong people. It was spiraling out of control fast so…I did what I knew and I packed up my shit and left. I became a new person when I left here and I knew that I could go back to the old me once I got back. Nothing happens in Charming, right?” you let out a dry chuckle as you shook your head.

He waited for you to meet his gaze and he offered up the smallest of smiles, “Well, I wouldn’t say that nothing happens in Charming. You came back, right? I’d say that’s something.”

Your entire body felt warm as you processed what he had said, “I guess.”

“I know the feeling of not being quite right, not being the right person or in the right place. It’s the shittiest feeling,” he took a deep breath, “And it’s a lot to deal with alone. I know you said you got some shit to work through, but that doesn’t mean you have to be alone to do it.”

“Yea?”

He reached over and rested his hand on top of yours, “Yea.”

You hadn’t felt the tears gathering in your eyes, but you melted when you felt Juice reach over to lightly brush them off of your cheeks. His hand lingered on your cheek for a moment and your eyes fluttered shut. It’d been a long time since someone touched you with the intent to take care of you.

“I really wanna kiss you,” his voice was quiet.

Your eyes opened at that and a smile crept across your face, “I really want you to.”

He leaned in and softly pressed his lips against yours, like he was still giving you the chance to pull away and change your mind. That was the furthest thing from your mind, though. You leaned into him and gently grabbed his shirt to pull him flush against you. He cupped your face in both his hands and you could feel him smiling as he kissed you.

He finally had to pull away to let you both catch your breath. You leaned back and your entire face felt hot, a nervous giggle escaped from your lips. He smiled at you, hands entwining with yours. There were a few moments of silence as the two of you took in everything that had just happened.

“We didn’t even get to the movie yet,” he chuckled.

You laughed, “Still up for that?”

He nodded, pulling you closer to him so you could rest against his side, “Of course.”

He wrapped his arms around you and you melted into him as he pulled up a movie for the two of you to watch. You smiled to yourself as you felt his heart racing in his chest. You looked up at him with a smile. When he noticed you staring he laughed, and it made your entire body feel warm.

“I’m glad you came back,” he lightly traced his thumb over your knuckles as he turned his attention to the movie.

You smiled as you looked over at the television, “Yea, me too.”

#soa #sons of anarchy #sons of anarchy imagine #soa imagine #juice ortiz #juice ortiz x reader #juice ortiz x you #juice ortiz imagine #juan carlos #juan carlos ortiz #multichapter #chapter 3 #you came back #my writing #fanfiction #jax teller #opie winston #drabblesmc

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sharkbait77 · 4 years ago

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SWEET WONDERFUL ANGEL! Congratulations on 200, you talented darling 💗 you deserve every little bit of love on this planet! Sending big hugs!

There’s no rush with this, so take your time and enjoy mama time 💗 HC request for what he’d do for their first anniversary, pretty please? With Whiskey? When you can! 🥰 I’m feeling fluffy as fuck today and have a craving for my cowboy 😌

Congratulations again angel! Forever in awe of you! 💗 foli xo

FOLI MY SWEET!!! ♥️♥️♥️ Thank you so much for being the kindest angel to me since the beginning, you have been such a huge part of the reason I am even comfortable to do things like this! Pls baby omg I am in awe of you!! Making me cry over here wow 🥺 I love you so much & I hope you enjoy this!

Warnings: Food, alcohol, language, nonexplicit seggsy times, fluffffff

Jack usually leaves the cooking to you; he's not too keen with the stove, always leaving the flame on too high or too low, over or under cooking just enough for the dish to be inedible. He prefers the grill, steaks and chicken and kebabs are his forte. You don't mind taking over the kitchen; you've grown up with a distinct palate and have fun creating new dishes here and there. Jack is happy to just be standing next to you, sipping on his whiskey while patting your ass every so often and being your taste tester.

But your one year anniversary is coming up and he wants to do something special. And what's more special than a homecooked meal made by yours truly? One other than from the grill. He just prays to each and every god that he doesn't fuck this one up.

You both took the day and the day after off work, wanting to spend all hours of the day and night celebrating and not have to worry about getting up early the next day. Jack wakes up and plants your face with kisses, his mustache tickling the skin of your cheek until you rise.

"Mornin' baby. Happy anniversary," he smiles, moving his ministrations to your neck.

"Happy anniversary, my love."

You can't help the huge smile on your face, running your fingers through his soft, brown hair that he has yet to gel down. You start off with a shower together, his body pressing yours into the cold tiles as he shows you how much he loves you using his hips. He tells you to get ready in comfortable clothes and drives you to the East Kentucky Science Center and Planetarium. He remembers you had told him you loved anything to do with space, so he wanted to surprise you and learn more about it himself all at once.

You bounce in your seat and Jack couldn't be more happy to see you so excited. If he were to accomplish one goal for today, it would be to see that gorgeous smile on your face, prettier than any star they were about to see. For lunch, you stop by one of your favorite food trucks. "Nothing else compares to food made in a restaurant on wheels", you would say. You hold his trim waist in your arms as you wait for your order, your chin resting on his chest as you gaze up at him.

"What's up, darlin'? I know I'm handsome, but didn't your momma tell you it's not polite to stare?" He chuckles and winks.

"Nothing, Jack. I love you, is all."

He smirks and cranes his neck to press your lips together, whispering his love right back to you.

Later on, after a shared banana split, he takes you back home and tells you he's cooking dinner tonight. He sees the slight fear flash through your eyes and he barks out a laugh.

"I've got this, sugar. You be my taste tester tonight."

The roles have reversed now: Jack stands at the stove wearing your '50s style apron while you stand off to the side, leaning against the counter while you sip on a glass of wine. Every so often, Jack walks away to take sips from his whiskey glass and while he does, you try to step in front of the stove to make sure everything is going smoothly.

"Ah ah!" He chides. "You scoot your pretty self back over there; I told you, I got this."

You giggle and return to your post. You have to admit though, it smells great. Once he's sure everything is done correctly, he portions the pasta onto plates, laying the lemon garlic shrimp right on top. He kept it simple for tonight, not wanting to disappoint if he went overboard and missed the mark.

The look on your face says it all when you take a bite. Surprise, delight, love. He smiles and mentions he took a cooking class to help him get better acquainted with the stove. After dinner, he pulls out the chocolate covered strawberries he had specially made for you. He's barely able to feed you one, though, before you're moving dessert to the bedroom.

Masterlist || Taglist

#sharkbaits 200 #jack whiskey daniels #jack daniels x you

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arctickat2400 · 3 years ago

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Birthday With 1D <> Harry Styles

You walked out of your last class of the day, making your way to the school’s exit. You feel your phone buzz in your back pocket and as you take it out, you see a text from your boyfriend, Harry.

You didn’t get to see him this morning like you usually do. You were running late for school and Harry had to leave early for work. You had gotten a note this morning from him, telling you Happy Birthday and that he’d see you later. Yes, it was your birthday, and, of course, you had to go to school.

The text read:

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl. See you soon XO

I smile, replying back with a winking emoji.

Just then, you look up to find where you parked, just to see a familiar red convertible sitting in the spot right in front of yours. You smile, seeing your boyfriend, Harry, and the boys, Louis, Niall, Liam, and Zayn hanging around in the red vehicle, waiting for you.

Liam was sitting in the back with Niall sitting up on the back beside him, Louis sat in the front passengers seat and Zayn stood on the other side of the car.

“SURPRISE!” The boys yelled. “Happy Birthday, Y/N!” The boys shout with smiles on their faces as they spot you walking towards them.

You smile and laugh, knowing they love it when you do that, and say, “Okay, okay, thank you guys. But my birthday isn’t really something I’d like everyone to know about.” They all just shrug still with smiles on their cute faces.

Lastly, you see Harry getting out of the driver’s seat and walking towards you as you make it to the convertible. He has a smile on his face and open arms, inviting you in.

“Your birthday is definitely something that should be celebrated. Happy Birthday, Gorgeous.” Harry greets you, quiet enough so just you would hear.

“Thank you, Harry.” You smile as you walk into his arms, wrapping them around you. Y’all stare into each other’s eyes as you both lean in and meet in a passionate kiss.

Kissing your forehead and wrapping his arm around your shoulders, Harry leads you to the car and you see Louis jumping out from the front seat, opening the door for you.

“Thanks, Lou. You didn’t have to do that.” You smiled to Louis as you hop into the front seat.

“It’s a special day. You deserve it.” Louis answers with a grin as he closes your door for you. You just kiss his cheek once he comes back after putting your backpack in the trunk. He climbs into the back seat, squeezing in with Niall, Liam, and Zayn.

Harry jumps back into the driver’s seat and sets off to some unknown destination.

“So, where to boys?” You questions your best friends.

“We were thinking about bringing you to your favorite restaurant. And then going back to the flat for a movie night.” Harry told you, looking over at you with a smile then back at the road again.

“Wait, we’re going to Nando’s?” You question in excitement. You see Harry nodding, the smile never leaving his lips.

“You and me both, Kitty.” Niall says to you, leaning in between you and Harry and kissed your cheek.

“Niall, really?!” Harry yells back to Niall in annoyance as you just burst into laughter. You could see Harry’s smile in the corner of your eye.

Y’all arrived to Nando’s, everyone filing out of the car and towards the restaurant, you and Harry hand in hand.

You were able to get right in and to a table. You sat next to Harry, Niall on your other side, Louis next to Harry, Zayn beside Niall and Liam in between Zayn and Louis. After ordering your food and drinks, everyone getting the ½ Chicken, it all was made and delivered pretty quickly.

The whole time, y’all talked about funny moments on tour and all the memorable moments y’all have had since you and the boys met. There were a lot of laughs, and some of the time, you’d laugh so much you started crying.

At one point during dinner, you were joking around and you took one of Niall’s fries when he wasn’t looking. Everyone started laughing because everyone who knew Niall knew that he hated sharing food. When Niall noticed you had stolen a single fry, he looked at you with wide eyes, a smile being put on your face. Niall, then, stole one of your fries for revenge and, in the end, he forgave you because it was your birthday.

After eating and paying the check, y’all made your way back to the car, piling back in. Harry started the engine and began back to yours and Harry’s flat.

“So, Y/N, what movies are we watching?” Liam asked.

“Um… I don’t know. Maybe a little rom-com, The Notebook,” You suggested with a smile, looking over at Harry and tapping his nose with your finger. He just smiled cutely back at you. “And then probably a scary movie, though we don’t have many. Probably Red Riding Hood.” You added as y’all pulled up into your driveway.

“Are y’all staying over tonight?” You questioned the boys as you all got out of the car.

“Sadly, Liam and I can't stay the night.” Zayn started. “We have some stuff to do early tomorrow morning, so we’ll only be able to stay for the movies.” Zayn finished as everyone walked into the flat.

“Well, at least everyone can stay for movies and popcorn.” I mention.

“This means we’re all yours, Kitten. And your all mine in bed.” Harry tells you, whispering the last part so everyone else wouldn’t hear as he pulled you against him at your waist.

“Did I hear popcorn?” You hear Niall say as you look to the side and see him walking from the hall, probably from the bathroom. You just giggled at Niall’s neediness for food.

You and Harry walk into the living room to find the movies as Niall, Zayn and Liam go into the kitchen to make popcorn, Louis just relaxing himself onto one of the chairs.

The rest of the boys came in after a few minutes with five bowls of popcorn in their hands. You and Harry always shared food like popcorn, so you two shared a bowl.

The movie The Notebook was set up as everyone got situated in their spots. Louis stayed where he was before, Liam and Niall on either side of the couch and Zayn in the middle of them. It was quite a large couch, sectional, so there was a lot of room for the three of them. Then, there was you and Harry on the red chase, Harry sitting behind you with you in between his legs, his arms wrapped around your waist.

“Y/N, why do we have to watch a cheesy romantic movie?” Niall questioned, already digging into his popcorn, as you pressed play on the remote for the Notebook to start.

“Because it’s a good movie. And I think you’d like it if you’d just try it.” You told him. You looked at Niall along with the rest of the boys, except for Harry cause this is his favorite movie, and you could tell that the other boys weren’t too excited about this movie either. “Now, be quiet and eat your popcorn.” You added with a bit of sass. You were always that way with the boys, and they still loved it.

As we got further into the movie, you kept looking at the boys, Harry doing the same with you. You spotted Niall and you could tell he was getting more and more into it. A few sad moments came and you saw a few tears come from Louis, maybe one or two from Liam, and Zayn was never one to cry at the movies, but he was still very into it. But, Niall, it looked like he was bawling as he watched the sad parts and ate his popcorn continuously.

It was quite funny as you looked up at Harry and he was laughing silently too. He looked down at you and pressed his lips against yours. You knew the boys weren’t watching, though you wouldn’t care if they were watching. You both looked back to the movie as you snuggled against your boyfriend, his warm arms holding you close.

The Notebook ended and Niall’s face was still tear stained.

“You doing okay, Niall? You look a little…” You started, but Niall interrupted you.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever Y/N. I gotta say it was a good movie, just not my kind of movie.” Niall said as he got up along with everyone else so they can get ready for the next movie.

“Not your kind of movie? You were crying the entire time.” Harry said with a little laughter as you and the rest of the boys started laughing with him.

“Oh, be quiet.” Niall brushed it off as he left into the kitchen for more popcorn along with Liam and Louis.

You looked over at Harry who sat on the edge of the chase. He was already looking at you as you smiled at him. He winked at you and you blushed, as always when he did something like that to you. You put Red Riding Hood (Amanda Seyfried) into the DVD player as the boys came back in and settled back into their spots.

Harry went back to his spot as you climbed onto his lap, his arms snaking around you.

Throughout the movie, there were a few scary parts, maybe a few parts that jumped out at you, but overall it wasn't that bad. Though, you could tell the other boys thought differently. You could see the fear in all their faces. They're guys and they get scared. My goodness…

The movie was almost over as you were starting to doze off on top of Harry, your head laying on his chest. You could feel his lips against the top of you head and you smiled, loving it when he did that.

“Well, we had a lot of fun with you tonight, Y/N. Happy Birthday.” Liam said, kissing your cheek as you guys stood by your front door.

“Happy Birthday, Kitty.” Zayn added as he kissed your cheek and gave you a hug. Everyone said goodbye to Liam and Zayn as they left for their homes.

You and Harry turned toward Louis and Niall, Harry’s arm around your waist and his other hand in his pocket. You both had humorous smiles on your faces as you looked at the boys in front of you, fear stricken.

“Well, I’m gonna have nightmares tonight.” Louis mentioned as they unsettled themselves from the movie watching.

“Seriously, guys, the movie wasn’t even that scary.” I told them, heading into the living room to grab all the popcorn bowls as the three boys followed.

“Says you. Did you see how that wolf was eating everyone? That’s just not right.” Niall responded as they followed you into the kitchen. YOu passed Niall and slapped him lightly and playfully on the cheek twice as you set the bowls in the sink.

“Well, now you can go to bed to take your mind off of it. Y’all know where to go. Come on, Harry.” You said, grabbing Harry’s hand and leading him upstairs behind you. Harry just had the most turned on face and you loved it. “Goodnight boys.” You yelled down to Louis and Niall.

You and Harry got into your pj’s, Harry going shirtless, just the way you like it. You turn off all the lights and close the curtains, meeting Harry at the bed.

“Thank you Harry for today. I had a really nice time.” You told Harry as you and him settled into bed.

“Anything for my kitten. I just wish we could’ve done something more.” Harry said, tracing his fingers around your face, over your nose and caressing your cheek with his thumb. He brushed the hair away from your eyes as you both faced each other.

“Harry, I would’ve been fine with anything you did for me. I wasn’t expecting anything, to be honest. But, tonight was great, all thanks to you.” You told Harry with a smile. He smiled back at you, leaning in with his hand on your cheek, his lips pressing softly against your own. You weren’t planning on pulling away anytime soon, until you hear a knock at the door.

“Come in,” You shouted with a smile, knowing who it was and why. You stared at Harry as he stared at you, and you could see annoyance in his eyes, but you just found that funny.

You turned around to see Louis and Niall in the doorway, blankets wrapped around them as they looked at you.

“Y/N, can we sleep with you?” Niall asked sweetly, innocence filling his voice. You wanted to laugh so bad, but you just kept a calm smile.

“Fine. Come on,” You giggled, gesturing for them to come to the bed as Niall shut the door behind them.

“There goes our romantic night together.” Harry whispers almost inaudible, though you could hear him. You turned as you pressed your lips against his forehead, and a smile rose to his lips once again. Niall and Louis ran and jumped into bed with you and Harry.

You lay in bed with Harry’s arms around your waist, holding you close, Niall’s head laid on your shoulder and Louis’ head laid on your stomach. You had the weight of all three boys on you, but honestly, you didn’t care. You loved these boys.

As Louis and Niall fell asleep, you turned your head towards Harry beside you.

“I love you, Harry.” You told him, smiling as you noticed he was already staring at you.

He leaned down and gave you one last kiss on your lips, his hand on your cheek and his thumb caressing your cheek. “I love you, too, Kitten. Happy birthday, baby girl.” He said to you. You sweetly rubbed your nose with his as you dozed off in his arms.

#harry styles #harry x reader #harry styles imagines #one direction #niall horan #liam payne #zayne malik #louis tomlinson

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fbfh · 4 years ago

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hello, bluebell (leo x fairy!reader)

genre/vibe: soft fantasy/the gentle etherial vibes of the princess bride and pixie hollow (books and game)

word count: 1.6k

pronouns: they/them - gn reader - probs some fem vibes cause i was imagining my fairy daydream self while writing this lmao

au: you’re a fairy but no others

pairing: Leo x fairy!reader

requested: nope, just obsessed w fairies bc who isn’t

warnings: brief mentions of memory gaps, a few mentions of caterpillars and other bugs, you wake up in the woods somewhere, mentions of changlings

summary: leo trips over a stranger sleeping in the woods, and know they’re something else because of their etherial aura. And the fairy wings. That was a pretty clear sign too.

reccomended songs: aventurine - paul baker, fairy garden asmr ambiance

a/n: baby stepping back into the writing game babeeeeyyy aLsO if you played the online pixie hollow game or read mary engelbreit magazines or watched the princess bride growing up i wanna give you a double high five also jfc how many more times can I say fairy in a description lmao

requests r open xo

When Leo left Bunker 9 to take a (long overdue) break from his current projects, he didn’t expect to almost trip over someone lying under a tree. He had begun walking to the dining pavilion as usual, when the smell of wild violets engulfed him in a passing breeze. He slowed down a little, taking in the beautiful August morning, and felt his mental to do lists melting away. Time seemed to slow down as he looked up at the sunlight glinting through the trees, his eyes falling on a cloud he decided looked like a giraffe in a suit. The sight made him laugh softly. Gods, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d gone cloud watching. Sun broke through the trees, and he looked down at a bush with little red berries as warm tingles danced over his skin. Light bells rang in the distance, and he looked around for the source. He stopped, eyes falling on a small inchworm.

“Hey little guy,” he said softly, waving to the insect. He smiled to himself again, noticing the large patch of clovers he was passing through, a strong sense of peace settling through him. His eyes instantly began scanning the patch, debating being a little more late to breakfast to see if he could find a four leaf clover, when he tripped over a foot, and narrowly avoided stepping on a few innocent mushrooms growing in the ground. He felt himself get snapped out of the relaxed cloud that had engulfed him moments before. He caught himself, and looked down. Gods, who would nap this deep in the forest? He was about to nudge you awake, when he saw you. He staggered back a step, breath catching in his throat.

You were laying on your side, eyes closed, soft lips parted gently. Mid morning sunlight glinted off your hair and skin, giving off a surreal glowy effect. Your white flowy pajamas had dirt smudged on the hem, one of the straps beginning to slip down your shoulder. The light weight material fell around your legs and spilled onto the ground like sea foam reaching for the shore. A butterfly sat on your head, tranquilly opening and closing its wings. He took a few more steps, careful not to step on the mushrooms that seemed to surround you, but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw your back. Caterpillars had spun silk all over your upper back, connecting to the tree. He felt like he should do something, but before he could begin to think of what, three crows started cawing from the branches of the tree. He walked back over to see if the harsh noise had woken you, but you didn’t seem to move. He let out a sigh of relief a little too soon, as he watched your eyes flutter open.

You took in a deep breath of forest air, and your eyes opened, trying to take in your surroundings. Your head spun with violins and harps and flutes, and your body felt heavy. Sense crept in and you tried to piece together how you’d gotten here. What had happened last night? You struggled with gaps in your memory for a moment, before trying to get up. Your palm slipped on a patch of moss, and you caught yourself on your elbow. In an instant, someone was right beside you, helping you off the ground. He was beautiful; like a beam of light, he seemed to fill you with warmth and life instantly. He smelled like woodsmoke, and his touch was gentle on your arm. You became aware of a very dull, almost soft burn on your upper back, but your attention turned back to the boy as he started talking.

“Are you okay?” his voice was like the crackle of a bonfire.

“Uh,” disorientation was still fogging your mind, “yeah, I think so.” He helped you into a standing position, a hand in yours, the other still on your arm. You felt stiff and sore enough to wonder what you had been doing.

“How did you get out here?” he asked, his tone a distinct blend of amusement and confusion.

“I don’t know… I probably just-” memories flooded back; moonlight caressing your skin, beautiful music you couldn’t quite remember, fireflies guiding your arms and legs as you danced and danced and danced, drunk on the movement. You shook your head, snapping out of the sudden train of thought.

“Um, probably just wandered here by mistake.” you finished the half truth with a laugh, “My apologies,” you continued, “is this your property? I can leave, I didn’t mean to intrude,” He looked at you for another moment before speaking again.

“Oh, no, nothing like that. We usually don’t get a lot of… visitors. I’m-” You felt some kind of rush building up inside, like what a venus flytrap feels as a beetle is about to land.

“I'm y/n," you cut him off suddenly, pulling away, and the feeling immediately began to subside. You waited in near silence for a moment, then chose your words carefully.

"What do you like to be called?"

"Leo…"

You turned a little on your heels, wondering what had come over you as his voice trailed off. He stared behind you for some time, let out a soft oh, then tore his eyes away and back to you.

“There’s someone you should meet,” you agreed, slightly confused, and he began to guide you through the forest. After a few minutes he brought you out to an open field. He left your side for a minute to tell a passerby something about sending someone over, you couldn't be sure, then continued leading you over the grassy expanse. You went past a very old looking building, over a small footbridge, and onto the porch of a house.

“So…” you started, unsure where the sentence was going, “who is it that I’m supposed to meet?” The burning on your back had subsided to a pleasant tingle right by your shoulder blades. A breeze brushed your cheeks, and you could smell strawberries - lots and lots of strawberries. The idea excited you.

“The director of this camp. He should be able to explain -” his eyes hovered just behind you again, “everything.” You wished he would talk more, you loved the lilt of his voice. You wondered what this director would need to clear up, your eyes falling on a scatter of rainbows cast on the floorboards of the porch. You tried to turn to see what was making them, maybe a hummingbird feeder or a light catcher - you’ve always loved stained glass - but when you began to spin on the balls of your feet like you’d done a thousand times before, there was a strange resistance. You spun slower on the wood, and lost momentum. In an effort to catch yourself, your foot caught on the leg of a patio chair, and you knew you wouldn’t be able to stop the fall. The spike of adrenaline made your back burn more, and you braced yourself for impact. An impact that didn’t come.

This didn’t make sense. You should have been falling; you were barely touching the ground. Instead, you were suspended midair. You opened your eyes to your outstretched arms, and glanced down curiously. You were pitched forward, one foot barely making contact with the wooden floor, the other tucked behind it, frozen mid fall. Shifting rainbows and prisms seemed to light up the whole floor now. You became aware of the strange wind rushing around your face and hair, and saw Leo staring behind you again, with that odd, fascinated look on his face. You looked behind you and let out a startled gasp.

Wings.

Big, beautiful, iridescent wings that looked sort of like you had stolen them from a dragonfly fluttered behind you keeping you in place. Your arms fell and you straightened up, feet gently making contact with the ground as your wings slowed to a stop.

“Ah, hello,” came a man's voice from behind you, “I haven’t met someone as special as you in a long time. Please, come inside if you’d like.” He ascended the stairs. You felt like you should have been more surprised to see he had the bottom half of a horse, but it didn’t seem to phase you. Then again, you weren’t one to judge.

“Just one moment,” Chiron said, pulling Leo aside, and once out of earshot, explained the significance of you and your appearance at camp. He took a moment to process this.

“A fairy,” he breathed, mind reeling.

“A changeling from the looks of it. A fairy raised in the human world. They’ll need help navigating this new world, finding out about themself.” Leo nodded, remembering how confusing things were when he was first thrown into a whole other side of his life. He looked through the crack in the door, watching you nibble on a snack cake drizzled in honey. Chiron looked at him watching you, infatuation on his face. He put a hand on Leo’s shoulder.

“They deserve an explanation. Would you like to help with this, er, complicated conversation?” Leo thought back to when you had taken his hand, the way your laugh sounded like bells, the way the corners of your mouth never seemed to drop. The idea of going to the dining pavilion, continuing on with his life as if he’d never met you seemed impossible. He knew in that moment leaving you wasn’t an option.

“Of course.” He answered, more sure in that moment than he had been of anything.

#leo valdez x reader #hoo x reader #heroes of olympus x reader #Heroes of Olympus #leo valdez #leo x fairy!reader #high key obsessed w this vibe lemme know what you think

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psychedellic-phase · 5 years ago

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Fifteen

PART 1:

A/N: This is the first series I’m planning on writing. It should be about 17 parts in total when it’s done. The idea is based on one of my favorite books Why We Broke Up by Daniel Handler! Seasons 6-9 Reid, and Maeve erasure. Also this gif is so perfect creds to the creator. Enjoy & I’d love any requests/feedback! :)

Tw: mention of vomiting

Word count: 1135

Spencer left Hotch’s office and paced past his own desk, mulling over what his boss had just told him. He told him that Y/N had transferred out of the BAU to head up the Seattle field office, effective immediately. His heart sank into his stomach. Was it really that bad between the two of you that you had to leave? Surely you couldn’t leave the whole team that easily, but you had. And you wanted to be as far away from him as possible, Hotch had basically said so himself. Everyone knew you had your pick of places to go; New York, Baltimore, Philadelphia, even other units at Quantico. But you picked Seattle. Seattle. Which is 2,789.1 miles from Quantico. 2,789.1 miles from him.

You both knew it may come to this, but you were confident your relationship would work out. Hotch told the two of you what would happen if the romance went sour when you put in a relationship form three long years ago. He said he didn’t care, he hoped you guys were happy, but if it interfered with work someone would have to leave. Spencer never thought one of you would ever leave the other in any capacity. But maybe that was wishful thinking and his abandonment issues talking. He thought that even if your romantic relationship didn’t work, your friendship still would. But here he was, and you were gone.

He blinked away the tears that pricked at the corners of his eyes, finally noticing the cardboard box on his desk. It was one of those boxes printer paper came in, with the lid and bright colors on the side. The lid said a few words in big black sharpie: TO SSA SPENCER REID

He smirked, you hated calling him doctor. You insisted that SSA was cooler than doctor anyways, and he should be proud of his achievements. “A lot of people are doctors, but not everyone is a Supervisory Special Agent.” He could practically hear you saying it now.

Without even thinking twice, he gingerly took the lid off and saw a stack of envelopes on the top which covered the rest of the box’s contents. The top envelope said ‘Spencer’ on the front in your very familiar handwriting. He held it in his hands like it was a piece of glass, so fragile, the same way he used to hold you. Immediately, he took a letter opener and sliced open the top, revealing a sheet of notebook paper. He took a deep breath and flopped into his desk chair, ignoring the questioning look Morgan gave him. He started reading page one. He knew he could finish the whole letter in a few minutes because he could read so damn fast, but instead, he went one word at a time, not wanting your last words to him to be over that quickly. He wanted to savor it. The first envelope addressed to him contained a letter that was short and rushed. You had just written it, the tear stains on the ink looked fresh and still wet.

“Spencer,

First and foremost, I’m sorry. I know Hotch just talked to you. I saw him take you in and used that as my opportunity to leave this here for you. In this box is everything from the last three years of our lives. I know you can read this whole thing in five minutes, Genius, but take it slow. Please, for me. And no this isn’t just a box of your tee shirts and gifts to me, this box holds so much more than that. What can I say? I’m sentimental. There’s a few rules though Spence, and I know you’ll follow them because you’re you:

1. Each letter is numbered corresponding with an item. When I mention something, take it out of the box and look at it, appreciate it, and remember it.(Even though I know you remember everything I ever said to you, Mr. Eidetic Memory) If I ask you to do something with it or drive somewhere, do that too. So maybe take the rest of today and tomorrow to go through it all.

2. Don’t start this in the bullpen. I know it’s tempting, but I don’t want Anderson and everyone else seeing what’s in here. It’s personal, for both of us.

3. Don’t reach out and don’t try to stop me. Seattle is far. I know, but I’m leaving. Don’t chase me, and don’t send Derek to chase me. We both deserve to move on.

I’m sorry Spencer. I am. I am so sorry. I hate to leave you like this, with a letter. Leave you just like Gideon. Just like your dad did. I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for being exactly like everyone else who left you. But let’s be honest here, you left me a long time before I left you. I can’t do this in person, it hurts too much. It’s too raw. But, I need you to get the whole story from me. This is our love story and our breakup story told in 15 lucky items that mean the most to me us.

Oh, and one last rule:

Always remember that I love you and I mean it.

xo,

Y/N”

He read the same page over and over again, pouring over every word. He had to take deep breaths to avoid melting down in front of an office full of people. He looked around desperately for you. Maybe you hadn’t gotten in the elevator yet. Maybe you stuck around to see the kicked puppy look on his face when he opened the box. But you hadn’t, you were already gone. Just like you said you would be.

He read page 1 again. It was written in blue ink, which usually means the writer is sensitive, peaceful and enjoys order and organization.They are the helpers and the doers of the world. He silently scolded himself for trying to profile the letter, he already knew all of these things about you. He knew you better than you knew yourself sometimes. Maybe the blue ink meant something or maybe it was just the pen you grabbed. He shoved the page back in the envelope and put the lid on the box. He didn’t want to peek and ruin the rest of the surprise. He was half excited and half terrified of what the rest of the letters would tell him.

Spencer avoided Derek and JJ’s concerned glances as he hurriedly packed his messenger back and grabbed the box. It was heavier than he expected. The items weren’t necessarily heavy, it was the feeling that was heavy. The feeling that everything from 1245 days of your lives were condensed into fifteen objects. 3.4 years; 1245 days; 1,792,800 minutes; 107,568,000 seconds into fifteen things. He suddenly felt like vomiting, but luckily he was already in the parking lot. He didn’t know how he got there so quickly, but his head was spinning and he emptied his stomach next to his car before getting in and driving home.

Part 2!

#spencer reid #spencer x you #spencer reid fic #fanfic #mgg fanfiction #fanfiction #reid #reid x you #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #cm #spencer reid smut #mgg #matthew gray gubler

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whatareyousearchingfordean · 4 years ago

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I See You

Summary: Alex hasn’t been feeling quite herself, Dean is there to listen.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Alex, aka me (platonic)

Word Count: 1.5K+

Warnings: Language, angst, talks of anxiety

THIS ONE COULD BE LEGIT TRIGGERING, DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE AT ALL CONCERNED THAT IT MAY NOT BE SAFE FOR YOU.

Author’s Note: Hey guys, I’ve had a really rough couple of days, some of the darkest I have ever seen in myself, so I spit out these words to try and make some sense of my own feelings. It was cathartic and I feel like I’m getting to a place where I can be alright. This is a love letter to myself, so enjoy, or don’t, it is for me ultimately. I figured I would share to remind everyone that we are not alone in our struggles. Special thanks to @waywardbeanie without whom I would not have made it through this hump. Thanks for always being my champion, and of course the gratuitous Jensen photos. Also, this is completely unedited, just rough and raw feelings. xo Alex

The sounds of Dean’s boots hitting the tile of the bunker echoed down the hall as he made his way inside. The hunter wiped the grease from his hands as he stepped into the war room, his eyes going straight to his little brother in front of a computer in the library.

“Hey, Sammy.” Sam hummed a noncommittal reply as Dean came up next to the table. “Still looking for another hunt.”

“Yeah,” Sam sighed. “Nothing out there right now. It’s almost eerily silent.”

Dean nodded to himself. Times like these were rare, but he enjoyed them all the same. Sometimes it was nice to enjoy the silence for a little while. Only there was one thing nagging him today, or rather not nagging him.

“Have you talked to Alex today?” Dean continued to work the oil out from his nails beds, his tongue peeking out between his lips in concentration.

Sam furrowed his brow as he thought, his head cocking as the realization hit him. “No actually, now that you mention it. I haven’t even heard her rummaging around in the kitchen.”

“She was weird when she went to bed last night. Quiet.” Dean commented.

“Alex, quiet?”

“Yeah, when she’s upset.” Dean chewed on his bottom lip. “Except I figured she would just sleep it off. She usually does.” Which was true, Alex was rarely ever in a mood and when she was, like almost every girl he had ever met, all he had to do was feed her or put her to bed. The woman was basically a gremlin but with more complex thoughts.

“Just because we haven’t seen her doesn’t mean anything. You know how much she loves getting lost in all these books.” Sam countered. The younger Winchester ran his fingers through his long brown locks and shrugged off Dean’s obvious worry.

“Nope.” Dean shook his head. “Alex always brings me lunch when I’m working on Baby.”

“Dude, she is not your mother.”

“I know that, Sammy.” Dean wasn’t sure what exactly Sam was trying to insinuate. Dean loved her cooking and if she wanted to make him food, why should he deny her that. Besides, Dean always made sure she ate with him, no matter how much she would insist that she had some other thing to do. “But come on, you said it yourself. This is not like her.”

Dean turned on his heel and hopped down the steps towards their bedrooms. He took a pit stop in the kitchen to wash his hands before continuing down the hall to room twelve. He raised a fist and rapped his knuckles against the heavy wooden door.

“Al,” he called, squinting his eyes as he listened for a response. After a moment of no response, he gritted his teeth. “Okay, I’m coming in.” The hunter turned the knob to the door and let himself in, pushing the door in hesitantly.

Only one of her bedside lamps was on, casting a small orange glow in the corner of the room. There was an Alex sized lump in the center of the bed where she was mostly hidden under the covers. Dean could see the glow of her phone falling over her pillows. She didn’t even stir when the door creaked.

“Really, no sarcastic remark about entering your room?”

The woman who had lain hiding away in her room all day, sighed and locked her phone before sitting up. The covers fell to her waist and the chill of the bunker caused a shiver to run through her. She ran her fingers through her burgundy locks in an attempt to straighten out the rat’s nest that had settled there.

Alex rubbed her eyes, “What’s up Dean?”

He couldn’t help the frown on his face as he took in the distance look in her eye. “Al, are you okay?”

She looked away from his gaze, and off towards the opposite corner of the room as she pulled her knees into her chest. Dean watched her for a moment, her hands rubbing up and down her bare arms. Even in the low light of the bedroom, Dean noticed the way her eyes began to water.

“Oh, sweetheart. Do you want to talk about it?” Dean sat down on the end of her bed, angling his body to face her. Alex shook her head, holding back the full-blown tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. “Okay, well can I just sit with you then?”

The pair of them sat in silence before she could no longer take it. Dean had proved to her that he had no intention of leaving without getting her to talk. As much as she hated sharing the deepest secrets running around in her brain, she also knew talking some of it out would help the anxiety churning in her stomach.

“I don’t know, Dean. I mean half the time I don’t even understand my triggers myself. I just get this… this anxiety bubble that settles in the pit of my stomach.” She gestured about with her hands. “And then my mind just tells me everything wrong with my life.”

“Like?”

The woman scoffed, “Oh you know the usual. You aren’t good enough, your friends only tolerate you, why do you even try.” Alex gripped her hair and tugged at the roots. “And you know what that’s not even the part that gets me. I can work around that.”

“Then what has got you holed up in your room all day?” Dean gripped her wrist and forced her to let go of her hair. He could see her chewing on the inside of her cheek, contemplating her answer.

“It’s just that I had gotten so used to being alone that it had become my new normal. And to be honest, I was okay with that, I had reconciled being alone forever. That’s the type of life we live as hunters.” Her voice had risen as her frustration had. Never before had she ever been this down, and it scared her more than anything. Before she could have at least pretended that she had everything under control, but now things were spiraling and she had nothing to grasp onto to keep from floating away.

“I love you and Sam. You are my family. But being around people is draining me. You two bicker at every given opportunity and not mention are just loud men in general. Then there is Jack who is literally an infant, which you know I can not handle as I have told you multiple times I do not want kids. This place has become...like sensory overload, even on my best days. At the end of the day, I feel like I have no battery left and I can’t recharge overnight. I’ve been running on empty for too long and that has forced me to put up a mask for you two because I didn’t want to lose you. But I can’t do it anymore.” She took a shuddering breath as the tears were breaking free. “I’m just tired, Dean.”

He nodded as he absorbed everything that she was telling him. If Dean knew one thing about Alex, it was that she didn’t let people into that dark side of her. She was always the first person to be there for everyone else in their moment of need and had the tendency to downplay her own struggles if it meant that the attention was not on her. There was nothing that made her more uncomfortable than the attention on her. He had to choose his words carefully.

“Okay, first off, I know you think that you are this pro at putting up a front to hide the person you are inside, but I hate to break it to you, you aren’t. I can see right through that facade. I see when you are hurting and when you are genuinely happy. I see when you want to cry and when you are playful. I see you sweetheart, don’t ever doubt that.”

“Second, don’t ever believe you are better off alone. Just because you had gotten used to it doesn’t mean it is what you deserve. You are a strong, beautiful, and empathetic woman. The world deserves to have you out there. I know for me and Sam, our world has never been brighter than when you came crashing into our lives, literally.” They both chuckled at his reference to her being thrown into Dean at the hunt that brought them into each other’s lives.

“And lastly, all you had to do was tell me. Take a car from the garage and go for a drive if that’s what you need. Spend all day in here mindlessly scrolling through the internet, or dissociating while watching the office for the millionth time. And if you just need me to sit quietly with you, I’ll be there. I know you only have so much in you, but sweetheart, having even only a little of you is worth so much more than none of you.”

“Dean-”

“You don’t have to say anything. Take your time, we will be here when you are ready. Just come back to us, okay?” Alex nodded, the tears flowing freely now. Dean reached over and brushed away a tear with his thumb.

“Now that we have established that, I know you haven’t eaten all day. Are you hungry?” Dean leaned forward and pressed his lips to her forehead.

“Mmm, I guess I could eat,” she sniffled.

“That's what I thought. But what should we have…” Dean trailed off before leaning over the edge of the bed and plucking an orange box from underneath. “How about your not-so-secret stash of cheez-its?”

Alex’s jaw dropped, having truly thought the boys had no clue about her stash under the bed. The boys always went through a box far too fast and she never got any so now she had learned to buy her own box for safekeeping. “Dean Winchester, you give me those back!” She squealed, the infectious grin on the hunter’s face enough to lighten her heart at that moment for a genuine smile to crack on her tear-stained face. She reached out to snatch the box away from him, only for Dean to pull it out of her reach.

“I don’t think so, we are all out in the pantry and you’ve got my favorite flavor.”

#dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester comfort fic #dean winchester comfort #alex writes #and struggles #mine #I See You

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artificialqueens · 4 years ago

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Off Limits, Chapter 7/7 (Bitney) - Veronica/Albatross

A/N: Hey guys! This is the companion story to “No Strings Attached.” Both ships are in both stories, but generally, “No Strings Attached” is Willaska-focused and this one is Bitney-focused. (Link to all chapters in order.)

If you like anything about this story, it’s really @aqalbatross who deserves the thanks, because she’s the one who came up with the idea and convinced me to come along for the ride. Thanks for twisting my arm, Albie. You’ve been super fun to work (and argue) with during the creation of this story. <3

Also, thank you from the bottom of my heart to wonderful betas for this story: @artificialpuddle and @opalescent-cheetah, and a special shout-out to Dartmouth420 for giving the most motivating, sweetest feedback on every single chapter—I hope you enjoy the little cameo I included for you. XO

Chapter Summary: Welcome to the supersized final chapter, where Courtney and Bianca navigate their new relationship, and find out that they’re not the only ones in their apartment living out a romantic comedy.

TW for a moment of controlling/domineering behavior that immediately gets shut down

***

Courtney hovered over Bianca on the bed, practically salivating at the sight of her all disheveled--blouse open, skirt unzipped and pushed down around her thighs, lipstick smeared, normally perfect hair mussed against the pillow. The dark green of her bra and panties looked sinfully gorgeous against her skin, just as Courtney knew it would. Courtney felt almost dizzy as she tugged on her clothes, pulling off her skirt the rest of the way and helping her wriggle out of the blouse.

She pulled one of the lacy bra cups down to reveal her breast, swirling her tongue around the nipple and then blowing on it gently, watching it harden. She took the now stiff nipple back into her mouth and sucked hard, eliciting a moan.

“Baby…” Bianca panted, her own hands sliding up Courtney’s thighs, under her dress.

Courtney continued to press wet kisses over Bianca’s chest, reaching behind her to unhook the bra, watching as her perfect tits spilled out. She was so beautiful, so deliciously sexy, Courtney felt her breath hitch as her eyes roamed greedily over Bianca’s curves.

“Please…” Bianca was trying to ease Courtney’s dress up.

Courtney sat back on her heels to assist, pulling the dress over her head and flinging it aside into the pile of discarded clothes. She slid her hands over Bianca’s body, desperate to touch every inch of her. Bianca seemed to be of the same mind, fingers raking down her ribs to her waist, knuckles brushing teasingly over the front of her cotton panties, which Courtney had now soaked through.

“God, you’re so wet,” Bianca groaned. Finished with teasing, she stuffed her hand down the front of Courtney’s panties, stroking her, pulling gasps of pleasure from her. Her fingers slipped inside easily, curling against Courtney’s g-spot as goosebumps broke out all over her arms.

A low moan escaped Courtney’s lips as she fucked down into Bianca’s fingers, knuckles turning white where she gripped the sheets. Bianca’s spare hand rested on her ass, kneading it, helping her to guide the rhythm of her frantic hips.

Courtney buried her face in Bianca’s neck, losing herself in the scent of her perfume, the familiarity of it only spurring her on as shivers rippled down her spine.

“Fuck, Bianca…” she moaned, trembling on the edge as she began to lose her grip on reality, the room spinning as she hurtled into the dizzying recesses of pleasure, clinging to Bianca for dear life.

The sound of Bianca’s name dripping from her lips was perfect. She breathed in the moment greedily, swallowing up her moans as spasms began to rip through Courtney’s body, working her faster and faster. The ache in Bianca’s arm soon burned in the best way, and she pushed through, not stopping until Courtney had collapsed in a heap beside her.

“Was that good, baby?” Bianca pressed a kiss against her temple, smiling at the weak murmur of agreement that escaped her.

Bianca couldn’t help sucking her slick fingers up to her mouth, already addicted to the taste of her, addicted to the feeling of her panting, sated body pressed against Bianca’s in the narrow bed. She sighed happily, one arm curled around Courtney’s shoulders, stroking her sweat-dampened skin.

After a few minutes, Courtney lifted her head and said, “You keep doing that.”

“Keep doing what?”

“You know…” Courtney's eyes lowered bashfully, cheeks still red.

“Making you come?”

“No. I mean, yes, but…” Courtney bit her lip. “I was trying to make you come.”

“Well...I don’t know what to tell you, babydoll,” Bianca smirked. “I guess you have to work faster.”

“Is that a dare?” Courtney’s eyes glittered as she rolled back on top of Bianca, fingers trailing down her collarbone.

“Well, I-” Bianca let out a small gasp as Courtney gently pinched one her nipples between her fingers, a thigh pressed against her, tongue invading her mouth.

She arched up, body thrumming with need as Courtney nibbled against her neck, hot mouth moving swiftly down her body.

Bianca threaded her hands into Courtney’s hair, pretending that she was still in control as she guided her head down. Courtney slipped her fingers underneath the lacy underwear, dragging them down slowly over her thighs.

“You are so fucking hot,” Courtney said, warm breath making Bianca shiver.

She raised her knees, allowing Courtney to pull the panties off, abdomen tight with excitement as she settled in between her legs, fingers dancing up her thighs.

“Yeah?”

“Mmmhmm…” Courtney bent down and placed a light kiss against her, just below her belly button.

“Courtney-”

“Yees?” Courtney drew out the word, nuzzling a cheek against the tenderest spot of her inner thigh.

Bianca gulped.

“Am I doing something wrong?” Courtney asked, suddenly looking a bit insecure about the whole endeavor. “Do you want me to stop?”

“No, I just...I don’t want you to feel like you have to.”

“I want to. Really,” Courtney insisted. “I’m dead sure.”

Bianca chuckled softly, finally letting her body relax completely. It felt strange, the surrender, but also like exactly what she needed.

***

Later that night, folded in Bianca’s arms, playing with her fingers, Courtney found her mind wandering, the pesky insecurities that she’d been pushing aside all day rearing their ugly heads. Thoughts she’d never had before with anyone she’d been with, like where is this going and does she like me the way I like her and how do I measure up.

“B...can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” Bianca nuzzled into the back of her head.

“How many girlfriends have you had?”

Bianca laughed.

“I’m serious!” Courtney squeezed her hand.

“Well…I haven’t exactly had any...formal arrangements,” Bianca finally said.

“Oh.”

“You know, I just never had much use for the word ‘girlfriend.’”

Courtney turned around to face her, cheeks warm and a little flushed as she asked, “Do you think you would ever...want one?”

A grin spread across Bianca’s face and she asked, “Why, you wanna be my girlfriend?”

She looked adorable, but Courtney couldn’t tell if the expression on her face was because she was teasing, or because she was actually into the idea.

“Do you want to be my girlfriend?” Courtney countered, heart racing.

“I asked you first.”

Courtney swallowed. She knew that she was being silly. This conversation probably should have waited a bit. But biding her time was never Courtney’s strength. She was more the “shut your eyes and leap” type.

“Well…I know it’s probably too soon to label it. I just wanted to know what you think about...us. Eventually.” She bit her lip, cheeks now burning with embarrassment.

“Okay, and I asked you what you wanted.” Bianca’s dimples deepened, and Courtney couldn’t help touching them.

“I don’t want to pressure you,” Courtney said. Her voice felt small and stupid and she squeezed her eyes shut.

“I don’t feel pressured,” Bianca said, pulling her closer. “And you still haven’t answered. Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

“Yes,” Courtney admitted, face pressed to Bianca’s shoulder, her words muffled.

Bianca cupped her chin and pressed a sweet kiss to her lips.

“Good.”

“You don’t think it’s too soon?” Courtney searched her dark eyes.

“It’s a little soon. But...you’re a lot hot. So...”

Courtney laughed, feeling her whole body melting against Bianca with a relieved sigh. This was all she wanted, this closeness. To know that Bianca wanted her, that they were on the same page. It was never like this with boys; any boyfriend she’d ever had had been a fleeting whim, some guy who chased her until she finally said yes, and then quickly grew bored of once the novelty wore off. With Bianca, she found herself, maybe for the first time, subject to a kind of uncontrolled, soul-crushing desire. The whole ordeal was incredibly embarrassing, not to mention an emotional rollercoaster.

“Are you happy?” Bianca whispered against her mouth.

“Uh huh...now I know what to call you when I tell my mum.”

Bianca lifted one eyebrow. “What exactly are you planning to tell her?”

“Everything! We’re very close,” Courtney said.

“Everything?!”

“Well, no, not everything.” Courtney buried her face back into Bianca’s neck with a giggle, and Bianca wrapped her up into a hug.

“Perfect.”

***

Courtney had plenty of choice opinions about the United States, but one thing she would never complain about was how big and elaborate American Halloween celebrations were. She loved all of it, but especially the costumes, getting to live a fantasy for a night.

And this year, she’d convinced Bianca to do a couples costume, something she’d always wanted to do. (She was a little surprised, and a lot grateful, at how easily Bianca went along with it.) After a trip to both a Halloween shop and a high end vintage store, they’d settled on Bonnie and Clyde, Bianca pulling her sewing machine out from under the bed in order to perfect the tailoring and make sure all the details were accurate, really getting into the spirit.

Courtney loved her costume--a form-fitting sweater, pencil skirt, and jaunty little beret. But she loved Bianca’s Clyde costume even more. She’d never in her life seen anything as sexy as Bianca in high-waisted pin-stripe pants, suspenders and a fedora, coat slung casually over her shoulders.

She sat at the desk chair, gazing lovingly up at Bianca in her suit as she bobby-pinned her beret securely in place, and it was all she could do to keep from drooling. Alaska stood in front of her makeup mirror, putting the finishing touches on her Morticia Addams look.

Willam opened the door to announce that she was ready to go, and immediately rolled her eyes. “Goddamn, this is some gay shit.”

“I know, aren’t we cute?” Courtney replied, shrugging benignly.

“Sure,” Willam said, as if she was one to judge, standing there in her sluttiest dress and pair of 6-inch heels.

“What are you supposed to be, anyway?” Courtney asked her, one eyebrow raised.

“A person who’s gonna get laid tonight,” Willam answered, as if it was obvious. She turned her attention to Bianca. “And you…you look…”

“What?” Bianca bristled, clearly ready for an insult, crossing her arms.

“Kinda hot?” Willam finished.

“That’s what I said!” Alaska exclaimed from across the room.

Bianca opened her mouth, about to toss out a sarcastic reply, when Courtney snaked her arms around her waist, pulling her into her lap.

“Totally hot,” she whispered.

“Ugh, you just ruined it,” Willam said, flouncing out of the room.

There was something especially thrilling for Courtney about being back at Sierra’s, with Bianca for real this time, everyone in the club knowing that they belonged together. She hung on to her arm, only half-listening to the conversation her roommates had struck up with Raja and Manila, mostly just gazing at Bianca with heart eyes and thinking about how sexy she looked in her suit. And making a plan of attack for exactly how she was gonna rip it off later. She already knew that some kind of special underwear was involved--she’d seen the bag that morning, emblazoned with the logo from a vintage shop downtown, but Bianca had stopped her before she’d had a chance to peek, telling her that it was a surprise.

She looked back at Manila, who was finishing a story, saying, “...but she really needed those chips, I guess it was worth it!”

The rest of the group burst out laughing, Raja covering her face with her hand as Manila leaned in to kiss her cheek, and Courtney realized that she had no goddamn clue what they were talking about. But no matter. Her eyes wandered around the crowded club, spotting a welcome sight on stage--Adore and her band setting up. She squealed happily, squeezing Bianca’s hand.

“Omigod, that’s Adore!”

“Great, my favorite person,” came Bianca’s sarcastic reply, and Courtney laughed. After all, everything had worked out, so why would she be holding a grudge?

“She’s cool. You don’t like her?” Raja asked, head tilted curiously.

“Well…”

“We should go say hi,” Courtney said.

“Pass.”

“Come on,” Courtney cajoled, wrapping her hands around Bianca’s arm. “Don’t you think we should thank her?”

“Thank her for what?”

“For being cool, and kind, and helping us actually admit our feelings?” Courtney raised her eyebrows.

“Please,” Bianca scoffed.

“Fine, don’t come, but I’m gonna go say hi,” Courtney told her, and turned towards the stage.

Bianca grabbed her sleeve, sternly saying, “No, you’re fuckin’ not.”

Alaska gasped slightly, eyebrows shooting up, and Willam lifted her drink to muffle her incredulous laughter. Even Raja and Manila looked scandalized, eyes wide as they watched the drama unfold.

“Ohhh shit,” Manila whispered, fingers digging into Raja’s arm.

Courtney turned back to Bianca slowly. Normally, she didn’t mind her girlfriend’s overbearing, Type-A bossiness. In fact, she found it cute. But this was over the line, and everyone else seemed to agree. Just because Courtney was easygoing did not mean that she was a pushover, and if Bianca thought she could order her around, or forbid her from talking to someone, she had another think coming.

There was a heated moment as Courtney stared Bianca down, no one saying anything. Courtney could feel Bianca’s grip loosening, see her hard expression faltering as her cheeks grew red.

“I mean...uh...just kidding?” Bianca finally stammered out, letting go completely, forcing a guilty smile.

“Good one,” Courtney said simply, turning and heading to the stage without a second glance. She smiled to herself when she heard Bianca’s footsteps behind her, catching up.

“You know, maybe...” Bianca said, clearing her throat, “maybe we should both say hi.”

“Right.” Courtney slipped her hand into Bianca’s to show her that all was forgiven, feeling rather victorious as she bounded over to Adore, waving up at her. “Adore! Hey! Happy Halloween!”

“Heyyy!” Adore cried back. “Omigod, you look so fuckin’ cute!”

“Thank you. You do too!”

Adore was dressed as what appeared to be a goth zombie cat. She pawed the air with one fishnet-clad hand and said, “Meow.”

Courtney giggled, adding, “I didn’t realize you guys were performing tonight, I’m so psyched to see you again!”

“Aww, thanks! I’m glad things worked out with you guys, you-” She paused then, doing a double-take, looking Bianca up and down, finishing with a simple, “Damn.”

Courtney giggled again, wrapping her hands around Bianca’s arm, proud to be with her and happy that she was getting exactly the reaction she deserved to that costume. Even cuter was how all the attention seemed to catch her off-guard, clearing her throat and shifting around, the faintest blush coloring her cheeks.

“Um...We wanted to say thanks, for looking out for Courtney when I was, uh-”

“Being a fucking idiot?” Adore supplied.

“Yeah.”

“It was my pleasure,” Adore said, smiling sweetly. She gave both of them another once-over, then asked, “So...what are you guys doin’ after the party?”

Bianca’s spine stiffened and Courtney laughed, telling her, “Relax, she’s kidding.”

“I’m totally kidding,” Adore said, then after a beat shook her head and caught Courtney’s eye, mouthing, ‘I’m not kidding.’

Courtney giggled some more, enjoying the attention from Adore just as much last time.

“Is that Alaska calling us?” Bianca asked, tugging slightly on Courtney’s arm.

“No? Adore, I wanted to ask you if you-”

“Coming, Alaska!” Bianca called loudly to no one, pulling Courtney away.

Nobody believed Bianca for a second, but at least she’d made a small effort. It was better than nothing.

“Bye, Adore! Break a leg!” Courtney tossed one last glance at Adore, giving her a half eye-roll, receiving a flirty wink in return.

“Byeee!”

After some wheedling and pouting, Courtney convinced Bianca to dance, and now she got to feel her up on the dance floor, the thought of jealous eyes on them making Courtney’s heart hammer in her chest.

“Are you having a good time?” Bianca asked, as Courtney fingered her suspenders.

“Mmhmm...are you?”

“Yeah. But you know what would be better?” Bianca murmured.

“What?”

“If all the rest of these people were...somewhere else.”

Courtney shivered slightly, Bianca’s eyes on her doing all kinds of things to her. She gazed up at her, feeling like the luckiest girl alive to be getting undivided attention from someone so perfect, so beautiful.

“What people?” Courtney finally asked, eyes falling closed as Bianca’s lips found her neck, letting the world fall away, music and lights and bodies around them blurring into an indistinguishable swirl of energy. The only thing that mattered was Bianca, and her hands, and her lips, the frantic pulse of their heartbeats in sync.

“Let’s get out of here.”

***

As well as they knew each other before hooking up, there was still a lot that surprised Bianca about Courtney. New little quirks and qualities she was constantly learning about. But maybe the most welcome surprise was her voracious sexual appetite, how her constant hunger made Bianca feel more desirable than she ever had before.

Tonight was no exception, as Courtney pulled off her costume in a desperate rush, eyes taking her in. She’d selected a cream and powder-blue vintage lingerie set, decorated with almost demure eyelet around the edges, a sharp contrast to her tailored costume. Courtney kneeled over her, looking hungry and wild-eyed, like she wanted to swallow her whole.

“You like?” Bianca asked softly, and instead of words, the answer she got was a pained whimper, Courtney capturing her lips in a kiss that left her breathless and reeling.

“Do you know how sexy you are, B?” Courtney whispered, hands wandering over her body. She seemed to be working hard to slow her own breathing, chest heaving slowly.

“Look who’s talking,” Bianca said. She pushed Courtney’s blouse off her shoulders, revealing her own dark burgundy lipstick mark from earlier, and then unzipped her skirt with shaky fingers. And fuck, she was wearing Bianca’s own underwear, a lacy red pair, and it was so hot Bianca could barely hold it together. “Shit.”

Courtney smiled down at her and began to slowly undress her, pressing kisses to every inch of bared skin. Bianca threaded a hand into her hair, the other gripping a handful of sheets.

“Don’t forget to-”

“Relax,” Courtney said with a smirk. “I know what you like.”

Fuck. Tingles rippled through Bianca’s body, and it was a few long moments before she could gather her wits, raising herself up on her elbow and forcing out a sarcastic reply. “Excuse me, ma’am, it’s been three weeks, how are you this cocky?”

Courtney grinned adorably, turning her lips towards Bianca’s thigh, sucking gently at first, then harder, bringing a faint mark to the surface of her skin. When Bianca tightened a hand in her hair, pressing her head down, Courtney actually looked up at her and laughed.

“Nice try.”

“Fuck…” Bianca huffed out a sigh, falling backwards. She watched Courtney through heavy-lidded eyes as she continued to tease her, peppering her thighs with kisses soft as butterfly wings.

And then, she proceeded at the most infuriatingly leisurely pace--treating her body like an endless buffet spread out before her, making sure to taste everything before going back for more. Bianca’s chest heaved, choking back her whimpers so as not to reveal how well it was working.

It was her own damn fault. Bianca knew that. Of course, everything she’d said about going slow was to blame for the current torture that she was suffering through. She just didn’t anticipate Courtney catching on so quickly, besting her at her own game so completely.

Holding back wasn’t possible anymore, and she let out a moan, body arching into Courtney’s hot mouth, grinding against her tongue, unraveling completely in her arms. Soon she was gasping, slick with sweat, and still Courtney didn’t let up, sucking kisses up her stomach, fingers sliding easily inside her as a mouth closed around her nipple.

“Fuck, fuck…” Tears collected in Bianca’s eyes as she came once again, blonde hair clutched in her hands. She was so far gone that she barely noticed Courtney’s lips traveling up her collarbone, didn’t comprehend what she whispered into her ear. “...What?”

“I said,” Courtney repeated, punctuating her statement with a soft kiss on her pulse point, “Thank you for being such a good girl for me.”

The only response Bianca managed was a breathy sigh, then a sharp gasp as Courtney eased her fingers out. She put them into her own mouth first, then gave Bianca a naughty look, sliding two fingers past her parted lips.

“Taste how fucking delicious you are…”

Bianca obeyed, shivering with pleasure.

“There you go…” Courtney cooed, before adding again, “Such a good girl.”

“Are you patronizing me?” Bianca asked groggily, turning her face towards Courtney, eyes struggling to stay open.

“Yes...do you like it?”

The truth was, Bianca liked all of it. She liked how easy it was for them to switch roles, how Courtney kept her on her toes.

She liked the late-night cuddling and the stupid couple’s costume and bringing a huge bouquet of pink roses to Courtney’s first Cabaret performance. She liked how easy it was to put a smile on her face, to make her laugh, how they constantly found new things to bicker about. She liked standing in the grocery check-out with fingers laced together, cooking dinner side by side, and the comfortable weight of a head on her shoulder while they curled up for movie night.

She liked Courtney’s dry sense of humor and her infectious enthusiasm, her surprising self-assuredness. She liked her softness and her sense of whimsy, how they always had fun together no matter what they were doing. She liked how much Courtney cared about things, how she’d get indignantly angry at litter and engage in heated political debates in the middle of house parties.

Most of all, she liked Courtney.

One evening, while standing at the stove, she glanced up to see Courtney chopping vegetables for their salad, making that cute, dumb face where her tongue poked slightly out of the side of her mouth, and she was struck with a new thought. A warm feeling bloomed in her chest as Courtney put a piece of red pepper into her mouth.

“Hey…”

Courtney looked up questioningly, the pepper dangling from her lips like a cigarette, and Bianca knew that she needed to blurt it out before she lost her nerve.

“I love you, you know.”

Green eyes went wide, and there was a split second of nausea, Bianca not knowing what to expect. And then before she had a chance to blink, Courtney had closed the distance between then, sweeping her up into her arms. The kiss that followed sucked all the air out of her lungs, made her dizzy to the point where she had to grapple for the counter to stay upright.

“I love you too, B, I love you so much…” Courtney murmured against her mouth, immediately going in for another urgent kiss. Hands slid up to cradle her face, thumbs stroking her cheekbones.

“Yeah?” she panted.

“So, so fucking much.”

Bianca wrapped her arms tighter around Courtney’s waist.

“Well thank fuck for that.”

***

Courtney wouldn’t lie: her grades had suffered this semester. There was a good month where her head was entirely in the clouds, so wrapped up in the honeymoon bliss of her new relationship that she avoided any and all responsibilities, procrastinating and putting things off, until so much work had piled up that catching up felt like a daunting task.

But catch up she did, working her ass off during much of November. Between her classes, the play, and Bianca, she barely had a moment to stop and look around. Maybe that’s why she missed all the signs.

Or, maybe they were just real good at sneaking around.

Either way, it came as an absolute shock when she found out about Willam and Alaska. At least, at first it was a shock. But an even bigger shock was the way Willam blushed and stammered when Courtney interrogated her. They’d known each other for over two years, and Courtney had never seen her so self conscious. It was actually rather adorable.

The more she thought about it, though, the more obvious it seemed. They’d had a special bond from the beginning, a kind of affectionate camaraderie that must have made them perfectly compatible. And when she reported the news to Bianca, her girlfriend seemed to agree: it just kind of made sense, didn’t it?

Formally, officially switching rooms also made sense. They set aside Saturday to do it, but it ended up taking less than an hour, since so many of their things had already migrated. Looked like they’d be able to make it to brunch earlier than they planned.

“Do you want to push the beds together?” Courtney asked, stripping off her yoga pants and t-shirt to look through her closet for something to wear. She’d seen Willam and Alaska doing just that with the beds, and thought it was probably a good idea. They’d certainly have a lot more space.

“Nah…” Bianca wrapped her arms around Courtney’s waist from behind, pulling her onto her own bed and wrestling her onto her back. “I kinda like being stuffed into a twin bed, it gives me an excuse to snuggle you.”

Courtney giggled, surrendering fully to the attack. She reached up to touch Bianca’s cheek.

“Nobody would ever believe how snuggly you are.”

“Nope,” Bianca told her solemnly. “And don’t tell. It would completely destroy my boss-ass bitch reputation.”

“Hmm...but isn’t the true boss the person who can admit how much they like snuggling?” Courtney raised an eyebrow, challenging her.

“Don’t try those backwards logic mind tricks on me, missy.” Bianca tickled her ribs until she was laughing so hard she gasped for air.

“Okay, okay…I give up!”

Bianca grinned, dimples deep in her cheeks, and lay down beside her, a head on her shoulder, nose tucked against her neck. It was a perfect, lovely moment. Except...Courtney let out a deep sigh.

“What’s wrong?” Bianca asked, taking her hand and placing a kiss inside her wrist.

“Why do you think something’s wrong?” Courtney asked.

“Because I know you, and that wasn’t a happy sigh. So...tell me what’s wrong.”

“Well…” Courtney hesitated, not really wanting to share her current, embarrassing thoughts. “It’s kind of dumb.”

“I mean, most of what you say is pretty dumb, so…”

Courtney chuckled weakly, and Bianca lifted her head.

“That was a joke.”

“I know. I’m sorry, I-”

Bianca brushed a light kiss against her lips, so gentle, and then Courtney couldn’t stop the tears that began trickling down her cheeks. She sat up, hiding her face in her hands.

“Babydoll...please tell me what’s going on.”

“It’s so stupid,” Courtney said, still covering her face, feeling silly and childish. “I just...I’m gonna miss you next week, when you go home.”

“For Thanksgiving?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m only going for 4 days,” Bianca reminded her, nuzzling her cheeks.

“I know! I told you it was stupid,” Courtney laughed, letting Bianca kiss away the tears. “I feel like a fucking idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot. You’re sweet.”

“I think I must be getting my period,” Courtney said, shaking her head. How could she be getting this upset over a long weekend apart? Since when had she become such a co-dependent, emotional nightmare? “I’m sorry.”

Bianca cocked her head to the side, and for a few moments, Courtney couldn’t bear to meet her gaze. When she finally did, expecting to see a judgmental grin, or that signature smirk, both of which she would fully deserve, she was surprised to instead find warm brown eyes, soft with compassion.

“You should come with me,” Bianca said.

“What? Be serious.”

“I am serious.” Bianca sat up, reaching for her laptop. “It’ll be fun! I think you’d like New Orleans, and as it’s bound to be nicer than whatever sad little event the International Student Center is planning.”

Courtney rubbed her eyes. “Bianca, you can’t possibly be-”

“Look, there’s still seats left on my flights,” Bianca said. “It’s a shitty connection, but it’s cheap. So...wanna come?”

“You really mean it?” Courtney whispered.

“Definitely. It’ll make the weekend ten times better to have you there.”

“And your mum won’t mind?”

“She’s got 5 kids and 6 grandkids, you think she’ll notice one extra person?” Bianca asked.

“That’s true...I assume I’ll blend right in.”

Bianca let out a cackle, shaking her head. “Perfectly. Does that mean yes?”

The smile on Courtney’s face was making her cheeks hurt. She crawled over to Bianca, throwing her arms around her neck.

“Yes. Definitely yes.” Courtney smiled, tears finally drying on her cheeks, leaning a head on Bianca’s shoulders as she purchased the tickets. She fingered the zipper on Bianca’s sweatshirt and asked, “Do you think your family will like me?”

“They’ll love you.”

“Because you love me?” she asked, batting her lashes.

“No, they could give half a shit about my opinions. They’ll love you because you’re infuriatingly lovable. It’s one of your most annoying qualities.”

Courtney giggled, pressing a series of kisses to Bianca’s face. “I love you too, B.”

“Done,” Bianca said, setting the computer aside and turning towards Coutney with a grin. “Are you happy?”

“So happy,” Courtney whispered, capturing her lips in a sweet, soft kiss.

“Good.” Bianca rested her forehead against Courtney’s, dimples deep in her cheeks.

“So...are you excited to fuck me in your childhood bed?” Courtney asked, and Bianca burst out laughing, flipping her onto her back.

“You filthy bitch…” Bianca growled in her ear.

“Does that mean yes?” Courtney asked, lashes fluttering.

“Hell yeah.” Bianca began to trail kisses down her jaw, and Courtney sighed happily, feeling like a giant weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

Bianca had already said that she loved her, but a piece of her had been stressing, privately: what did Bianca mean by that? Did she love her the way Courtney loved Bianca? Now, she felt like she could finally bask in the blissful knowledge that they really were on the same page. Courtney raked her nails up Bianca’s back, under her sweatshirt, eyes falling closed as Bianca’s lips moved to her neck, fingers slipping under her bralette.

“Hey, bitches, are we doing brunch or what?” Willam banged open the door. “Oh my god, can you ever just stop?”

“Yeah, soz. We got distracted,” Courtney said with a grin, still laying down, making a very halfhearted attempt to cover her chest.

“Clearly.”

“Well...oops,” she laughed, then furrowed her brow in confusion. “Bill, what are you wearing? It’s November.”

“Yeah, in California,” Willam said, slipping on a pair of sunglasses. She was dressed in a floaty little sundress with spaghetti straps and a pair of platform sandals.

“You’re gonna freeze!”

“If she wants to freeze, let her freeze,” Bianca said, then added, “Give us like 20 minutes to get ready.”

“You can have 15! I want a mimosa, goddammit!” Willam barked, shutting the door.

“Joke’s on her,” Bianca murmured, lips grazing Courtney’s pulse point. “‘Cause I only need 5.”

***

“Hmmm...I don’t know what I want,” Courtney said, looking over the drink menu. It was such a beautiful day with such great company that she’d forgotten to look until the server, a harried looking girl called Michelle, appeared at their table.

“Bitch, just pick something!” said Willam. “Some of us want to start day drinking while it’s still daytime.”

“I’m sorry!” Courtney laughed. “It’s just that today is so special, and-”

“Ugh,” Willam groaned, and Alaska hushed her gently with a hand on her thigh.

“-And I need something appropriately celebratory. Not a boring old mimosa. Although...I mean I do like champagne…”

Bianca reached over and lowered her menu, telling the server to, “Just bring her a bellini.”

“What’s a bellini?”

“You’ll love it,” Bianca promised. “It’s peach juice and prosecco. Sweet and bubbly.”

“Just like you, Court,” Alaska added with a grin.

Despite the sneaking suspicion that she was being mocked, Courtney looked up at Michelle and nodded. “That sounds perfect.”

She nodded, giving a quick salute and then scampering back inside.

Courtney scanned through the menu again, determined not to make them all wait for her when it was time to order food. She quickly made a decision and then closed the menu, looking around at her friends with a happy sigh.

In spite of the chilly Autumn breeze, the sun was bright in the sky, warming them gently. It was so nice to be together like this, finally, as couples. She tilted her head, realizing that Alaska’s turquoise pleather motorcycle jacket was very familiar.

“Alaska, I love your jacket.” Courtney took a delicate sip of her water.

“It’s Will’s,” Alaska said.

Courtney rested her chin in her hand, gazing at Alaska and Willam with heart eyes, unable to hide her grin.

“I know! It’s sooo cuuuute...”

“Calm your farm,” Willam said, pointing a fork at her.

“That’s so Aussie!” Alaska giggled, leaning over to press a quick kiss to Willam’s cheek. And to Courtney’s absolute delight, a pink flush crept into her face.

She turned to Bianca, lashes fluttering, wrapping her hands around her arm.

“Should we share clothes, too?”

“Oh yeah. I really want to wear your hipster Coachella shit,” Bianca said, gesturing to Courtney’s palazzo pants and crop top covered in pink pineapples.

“You’d look adorable as.”

“That’s so Aussie,” Willam cut in as she sucked on an ice cube.

“Come on, imagine how good your ass would look in these pants,” Courtney said.

“Yeah, no thanks.”

Courtney bumped her shoulder lightly, lips turning down in an exaggerated pout. “I’m serious!”

“Okay, well, you can borrow my sweater if you want?” Bianca finally offered.

“Perfect,” Courtney laughed. She laid a head on Bianca’s shoulder, shifting her gaze back towards Willam and Alaska, who were engaged in what they probably thought was a very sly game of footsie.

The best part was Willam’s face--the almost shy expression on her face every time Alaska touched her. In the more than two years that Courtney had known Willam, all she’d ever heard was talk about sex in the crudest possible terms--nothing whatsoever about romance. Now, seeing her sneaking peeks at Alaska from behind her menu, cheeks flushed, Courtney couldn’t help but watch her happily, a dreaming smile tugging at her lips.

After awhile, Willam finally caught on to being watched, looking up to catch Courtney’s eye.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I just...like seeing your soft squishy parts,” Courtney said.

Willam clutched her chest in mock offense. “Are you calling me fat, you dumb slut?”

“Yeah,” Courtney laughed, blowing a kiss across the table.

Willam scoffed, burying her face back into her menu, attention now completely focused on Alaska.

“Do you know what you want this time?” Bianca asked, kissing the top of her head.

“Yes, why?”

Bianca gestured to Michelle approaching the table, then spoke up. “Hi, I’ll have the French toast combo with scrambled eggs and fruit?”

“Sure thing.” She turned to Courtney.

“Can I get the kale salad with extra avocado?” Courtney asked. “And, uh…”

“You want fries, don’t you?” Bianca asked with a wry grin.

“For the table!” Courtney said, giving Bianca her best puppy eyes.

“Yeah, right,” Bianca laughed, then said to Michelle, “And an order of sweet potato fries.”

As they handed over their menus, it became clear that Alaska and Willam had no idea what was going on, still hidden behind their menus, giggling. Bianca cleared her throat loudly.

"Uh, if you two are done playing footsie, would you mind telling poor Michelle what you want to eat?"

Alaska’s head snapped up, eyes wide with surprise, a guilty expression as she locked eyes with Michelle, tapping a pen against her little notepad.

"Sorry," Alaska said, blushing slightly and handing over her menu. “Huevos rancheros, please.”

“And for you?” Michelle asked Willam.

“Uhh...a garden salad and shrimp and grits. But no grits.”

“So...just shrimp?” Michelle asked slowly.

“Yes.” Willam said.

“Alllright. I’ll go grab your drinks.” Michelle turned and left, heading back inside.

“You know, the south would never allow that ‘no grits’ business,” said Bianca, disapproval all over her face.

Courtney smiled to herself, reminding her girlfriend that, “I feel like the south probably isn’t too keen on a lot of things we do.”

“Fair,” Bianca laughed, dimples deep in her cheeks.

When the drinks came, Willam immediately downed her mimosa as expected. Bianca, on the other hand, began to season her Bloody Mary with extreme concentration. First, she squeezed in the lemon, then added a healthy amount of pepper and quite a bit of hot sauce, tasting it carefully every time she added anything.

It wasn’t until Courtney covered her mouth to muffle her giggles that Bianca caught on that she was being watched.

“What?”

“Nothing. You’re just cute.”

Bianca narrowed her eyes, and for a second, Courtney thought that maybe she was annoyed. But then her dimples appeared as she replied, “You’re cute.”

Courtney climbed into her lap, loving the feeling of Bianca’s arms securely around her waist. She leaned forward and kissed her lightly. Their drinks now forgotten, Bianca kissed her back, lips moving to her neck and then slowly up her jawline. Courtney sighed happily, in no hurry to go back to her drink, perfectly content to just bask in the moment as Bianca nuzzled her cheek.

“Alright, this is getting embarrassing,” Bianca finally said, picking up her Bloody Mary, brown eyes sparkling.

Courtney grinned and kissed her neck one more time, taking a moment to inhale the sweet, fresh scent of her perfume before picking up her own drink, fingers pinching the stem of her glass delicately.

Bianca tapped Alaska on the wrist.

“You know, you’re a really good person,” she said.

“Oh?” Alaska cocked her head, bracing for the punchline.

“I mean, adopting a stray.” Bianca gestured to Willam. “Most people would be worried about diseases and shit, but you...you’ve got a good soul. Bless your heart.”

Alaska crossed her arms, leaning forward with a challenging grin. “So if she’s a stray, what are you?”

“Oh, I was raised by wolves,” Bianca admitted, and she and Alaska both cackled gleefully.

Courtney watched them, cheeks hurting now from the permanent smile on her face, turning her attention to Willam to beam at her once again.

"Ugh." Willam met Courtney’s eyes, shaking her head. "I know that look."

"What look-" Courtney gasped.

"You're gonna give a speech or-"

"No!"

"-make a sappy little toast aren't you?"

Courtney scoffed before smiling mischievously. “Well…”

"Knew it."

Courtney stuck her tongue out at Willam, then said, “It’s not really a toast. I just wanted to say…” She grinned at Alaska, then back at Willam. “I'm really happy we got to spend this semester together. And next, too. I can't imagine finding better friends, or roommates, than you guys."

"Gross," Willam said, suppressing her smile as she took a sip of her mimosa.

"I think it was sweet, Court," Alaska said, not making the slightest attempt to hide her own dazzling smile as she looked right at Courtney, holding out her glass. "I'm glad we get to spend this year together, too."

Courtney reached across the table to clink glasses, then leaned back, snuggling into Bianca’s arms.

“Hey,” Bianca whispered softly into her ear, “What do you say we ditch the other whores and go make out in the car?”

Courtney burst into giggles, twisting around to press a kiss to Bianca’s lips.

“Well, if you guys are determined to be sappy bastards, then at least we should get a good pic,” Willam said with a resigned sigh.

“Yay!” Courtney clapped, jumping up and pulling Bianca into her own seat beside Willam, already striking a pose.

"For Instagram?" asked Alaska.

"Of course," Willam said. She held up her phone, Courtney and Bianca leaning into the frame, Courtney making her best supermodel faces, giving all kinds of angles.

"What's the tag gonna be?" Bianca asked, cracking up as she caught Courtney’s eye in the camera screen, kissing her cheek.

“CouplesGoals,” Willam announced, her smile deepening as everyone burst out laughing.

The final photo was a bit of a mess: Alaska’s head on Willam’s shoulder, her eyes half closed, mid-laugh; Willam with a smug smile, arm around Alaska, pulling her close; Courtney’s head thrown back in glee; Bianca’s grin in profile, face buried in Courtney’s neck.

It wasn’t the best photo, or best angle for any of them. But for once, Willam didn’t demand a retake. And a few weeks later, when Courtney framed it, she didn’t care about any of the imperfections: only that it captured a moment of pure joy with some of her favorite people.

#rpdr fanfiction #bitney #bianca del rio #courtney act #willam belli #alaska thunderfuck #willaska #adore delano #college au #lesbian au #friends to lovers #smut #fluff #mild angst #off limits #just friends #veronica #albatross

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buckyreaderrecs · 5 years ago

Text

So Far Away: Chapter 5/?

Summary: Bucky Barnes doing what he does best. Saving. Loving. In this particular case, the object of both is you. (Bonus: Bucky Barnes happy, healing, doing really well!)

First chapter in series. Previous chapter.

Chapter 5: It’s time to find your family.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Reader Characters: Bucky Barnes, F.R.I.D.A.Y., Cecilia Reyes Additional tags: mostly canon compliant (Infinity War and Endgame didn’t happen, Stark Tower still exists), she/her pronouns, more tags/characters to be added with future chapters, hero Bucky Barnes, canon typical violence, warzone/disaster zone setting, Alpine the cat, other Marvel characters mentioned but not central to the plot, Warnings: possible triggers for anxiety and PTSD, major triggers for death of loved ones and grief, chapter 5 only possible trigger for food

Note: Please heed the warnings for this chapter; it’s a bit intense. As always, I’d love to know what you think. xo Rhi

So Far Away Chapter 5/?

The first night you'd spent at Stark Tower was forgettable in the sense that you had completely forgotten most of it. Vaguely, there was a bath, and Bucky, then bed. That was pretty much it though. So, it wasn't like the day after needed to do anything particularly special to be considered memorable. And yet, it was.

As Bucky put all the Mexican food trash into the paper Ubereats bag, you flicked through channels on television.

"Have you seen this?" you asked, stopping on Atlantis: The Lost Empire.

"I know, I know! I don't know shit about anything, but in my defence, I've been busy helpin' to save the world since I've been… good," Bucky replied, highly defensive but also still in good humour.

"Um… I just meant, 'cause it's a super underrated Disney movie. And nobody's seen it, like Hercules," you told him, holding back a grin.

"Oh… Sorry. Sam's always yelling at me," he explained, throwing the Ubereats bag in the bin and walking back over the couch from the kitchenette.

"About movies?"

"About everything," he said, rubbing his face. "He's cut up about me missing, like, all of hip-hop."

It made you laugh, which motivated Bucky to continue his bitching about Sam Wilson. "And! He thinks me and Steve should have more 'refined taste' in everything." He used air quotation marks, which Natasha Romanoff had taught him to use, much to the dismay of Steve. ("Captain America.")

"Refined taste?"

"Yeah, basically he loses it when he we like anythin' he thinks is bad. Like…" Bucky cycled through his list of favourite things. "The Fast and the Furious movies."

An image flashed in your mind of Steve and Bucky, completely decked out in their respective gear, marathoning the films, cheering at every car stunt and use of the NOS button. It made you smile, genuinely happy.

Bucky continues, "They ain't my favourite or anythin', but they're fun, ya know? He's probably just upset that whenever we get in car races it's mostly someone trying to kill us,"

"I guess that's… fair, but he's… The Falcon… that's super cool?"

Bucky grinned, but quickly shook his head. "Don't ever tell him you said that, okay? Never tell Sam you think he's cool,"

"Is it like feeding Gremlins after midnight?" you asked.

"I watched that one! And, yeah. It's exactly like that,"

"But it's not like you guys don't get to see cool things… and be cool,"

"I guess… We're used to it?" Bucky thought for a second or two, wriggled into the couch and rested his arm along the back of it. You turned to face him, legs crossed and entirely attentive. "Before the war I loved reading about what new gadgets were comin' out. Used to drag Steve to anything with tech stuff. But then, Hydra. I wasn't really conscious enough to realise I was in the future," he told you, chuckling a little to himself like it was funny. It was so nonchalant that it shocked you a little. He hadn't stuttered saying their name, or shifted to a darker mood. "Whenever I got re-programmed, I was re-trained too. Whatever advancements they made, I learnt. Meant when Shuri fixed my head up, I wasn't that inept. Got it a lot easier than Steve that way,"

"Just movies and T.V. and stuff that you missed then?" you asked, feeling like you needed to keep him talking because you'd never heard anything so goddamn interesting.

"Yeah. Hydra didn't exactly have a Netflix subscription for me," he said. You said nothing. "That was a joke. You can laugh," Bucky told you, softly nudging your knee.

"I don't know how you joke about it," you said honestly.

He shrugged. "You'll joke about all this too, one day," he replied.

No. No, I won't.

Bucky saw the conflict flash across you face.

"It's not like there isn't things that still blow my mind… Wakanda, for one," he continued, pulling you from your thoughts.

"Is it as cool as it looks on T.V.?"

"Cooler. It's gotta be one of my favourite places. And when I met Wanda… She thought I was a bit of a meatball. Never met anyone with powers like hers, you know? She's amazing. And Vision. Still don't really get what he's about,"

"So, you are friends with Wanda Maximoff but you think Vin Diesel is cool?" you asked, affronted.

Bucky laughed. "No. I think the cars are cool. The stunts! Vin Diesel seems like a jerk."

Another image flashed. Someone in the world, Vin Diesel, knowing that The Winter Soldier thought he was a bit of jerk.

Bucky watched you laugh.

"Come on, then. What's this one about?" he asked, turning back to the television.

"Atlantis-"

"Underwater city? I'm in."

That's about where you realised that Bucky Barnes was a massive nerd.

It took Bucky ten minutes to tell you that you needed to keep warm, putting the knitted blanket over you. It took twenty to have him scoot closer to you, his arm still on the back of the couch, behind your head. About half an hour in, Bucky said, "Yeah, this is better than Snow White. I love this little mole guy."

Bucky was watching, listening for any signs that the lack of conversation had given you time to think, to spiral. But, it hadn't. Atlantis was a comfort movie for you, a distraction. He could see you smile and frown along with the characters.

"It was pretty obvious that this was gonna happen," Bucky said at the high point of the plot twist. He was aiming for a reaction. You looked at him fast and dramatic. "I'm good at picking the bad guys. Kinda my job."

At the rolling of the credits, Bucky asked, "Ice cream?"

As he put a collection of Ben and Jerry's on the counter top, Bucky caught himself in a sudden realisation. He was keeping you busy. Eventually, you'd notice, or the day would carry on and bedtime would come; the quietness between 'goodnight' and sleep would crush you, pushing from you anxiety and grief. But first, Bucky thought, ice cream.

"Half Baked," you said. Bucky handed you the pint and a spoon.

You watched him open the Strawberry Cheesecake, Cherry Garcia, and Urban Bourbon. "Variety is the spice of life," he said grinning, his voice a strange mocking tone, like he was parroting someone you'd never met.

"I genuinely don't know where all that food goes,"

"In here," he answered, lifting his shirt and patting his tummy.

"Yeah, but like, do you have one of those trash compactor things that mooshes it all down super small?"

Bucky laughed. "Maybe. Who knows what's going on inside 'ere."

You were sitting on a bar stool, leaning against the kitchenette's counter. Bucky put the spoons in the dishwasher and the uneaten ice cream away. He liked things in their place, you noted.

"So," he said, too casually. It felt, correctly, like a lead up. "How are you feeling?"

"Full," you answered, honest, but also not really.

Bucky looked at you, nodded. "What else?"

You dropped your gaze, breaking eye contact. A nervousness grew in you, the gatekeeper to all the bad. It was telling you to flee - answering the question wouldn't be nice. You could tell that Bucky wouldn't change the subject though. He could wait in that silence all day for you to speak.

"I…" you began. "I don't know. There's just… a lot,"

"Yeah. That makes sense. There is a lot… Probably good to start telling me about it." When you said nothing to that, he added, "Or someone else. We can-"

"I feel guilty," you blurted out, partly to stop him suggesting you talk to anyone else, partly because the gate was opening and the guilt as behind it in abundance. Bucky nodded like he already knew what you were going to say, and what you meant. "I… I'm here. Where I'm more than safe," you said, looking around at the suite. "But I haven't done anything to deserve it-" Bucky went to say something but stopped himself. "I'm not the most hurt, or the most useful person to save or anything like that. And then, I haven’t even looked-" That was it. The tears began to stream down your face, heavy and hot. You could feel them pooling in your shirt somewhere. The sentence you started was lost, completely drowned out by sobs.

Bucky remained composed. He fetched tissues from the bathroom, took it upon himself to clear your face, ready for the next wave. It arrived immediately. "Come 'ere," he said, pulling you into him. There would be wetness and snot all over his hoodie when you would eventually move, but you didn’t think of that in the moment and Bucky really didn’t care. He stood between your legs, rocking you gently on the stool for a minute before you spoke again.

"I haven't even looked for anybody," you said, so softly and so painfully that even priests in confessional booths would have hung their heads.

"How could you?" Bucky asked.

During the time before his head was really put back together, that is what everyone did with him. They challenged Bucky's questions, forced logic on him, rending much of the harmful conclusions he'd drawn about himself incorrect. It was a good strategy and he'd learned it well.

You half shrugged and kept crying. A cycle had begun in your mind. You were crying because you felt guilty, but that made you feel selfish and stupid. You thought you should be crying for other people. All of that, of course, made you feel more guilty, starting the cycle all over again. But maybe that cycle was easier to loop on than any real feelings of grief and loss.

"When were ya meant to have time to find people? Couldn't do it in the refuge centre. Too much goin’ on. And your hand was smashed, probably killin' you. And like Doc said - in shock," he said, paused, waited for a response.

Bucky's hands were moving up and down your back with enough pressure to calm you sobs into softer hiccups and sniffles.

"Yeah?" Bucky prompted. You nodded and shrugged simultaneously. "Okay, so, couldn't have done it on the way here or last night. You were exhausted. Could hardly keep yourself upright. Ain't much use to anybody like that."

You covered your nose with a tissue and sat up. Even if he didn't care, you didn't want him to see you with a face covered in snot. Bucky had the tact to look away while he continued. You listened as you wiped your face clean.

"This morning, whisked ya away to Medical. Then force fed you some food. And now, we're here. So, if you're asking me, darlin', not too sure when you think you were meant to do all this people finding, you know?"

Bucky could see it in your face that you knew he was right. When you nodded, saying, "I guess," he felt completely victorious.

You drank the glass of water Bucky poured for you, then took a breath in, two, three, out, two, three.

"Okay," you said, voice almost normal.

"Okay," he repeated in solidarity.

"Can we find them now?"

…

The room was definitely not for civilians, but nobody stopped Bucky from walking in with you. It was a buzzing hub of activity and urgency. Voices spoke fast, people moved faster.

"It's kind of like a command centre," Bucky tried to explain. "Whenever there's a threat, we have a response team that do… I guess what would happen if there was an earthquake or somethin'. Search and rescue. Coordinating relief."

You nodded and stayed close to Bucky's side, not wanting to get in anyone's way.

"Sergeant Barnes," a very tired woman greeted.

"Hey. I'm really sorry to-"

"No time for that. What can we do for you?" she cut him off.

"Finding people that were in the attack zone," he replied.

"Everything we know, F.R.I.D.A.Y. knows. Integrated systems. Find a computer, preferably not in here, and ask her. Anything else?"

"No. Thank-" but she was gone.

Bucky hooked an arm around your waist and walked you back to the elevator.

"She was amazing," you said.

Bucky grinned. "Never met her before, but yeah, lot of people like that around here."

On a floor of the tower that was much calmer, Bucky and you sat in what you supposed was some sort of crazy high-tech boardroom.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y.?"

"James,"

"Oh, it's James now?"

"Yes. How can I be of assistance?"

The first step was making a list of everyone you knew who lived or worked in the part of D.C. that was affected. You named them, confirmed through social media accounts and DMV records.

"Do you guys have access to, like, everything?" you asked Bucky.

"Probably shouldn't answer that," Bucky replied, winking.

Step two was all F.R.I.D.A.Y. "I work fast, but I'd like to check my work, Y/N," she told you.

"If you can, can you check with-" Bucky went to ask.

"First responder reports?" F.R.I.D.A.Y. asked.

"Must be the day for being cut off by women smarter than me, huh?"

"I could be mistaken, James, but isn't that every day?"

Bucky laughed, looked at you for back up, but saw you staring at screen in front of you. The list of names.

Once you'd actually made it, you realised there were likely less people to find than you first though. Your housemate, Lucas, was a bike courier. He may have been out of the zone, 50/50 chance. Elizabeth, your best friend, lived on the next block over. She was home when the attack happened. You were watching her Instagram live; she was feeding her pet snake, Salem. Then, the girls at the hole in the wall café you worked at, Glory. You didn't know who was shift, so you listed all five.

There were more, but felt like naming everyone you knew would be greedy somehow. Bucky said, when you were ready, you could look through the list of the deceased. Even hearing the phrase made you feel sick though.

"Do you want to wait here?" Bucky asked.

You turned to him, ran your hands through your hair. "I don't know… I can't…" but whatever you couldn’t, you couldn’t even articulate.

Bucky nodded. "How about we get some fresh air? When we get back, F.R.I.D.A.Y. will have something for us?"

…

Out on the street, everything was loud. The whole back-in-reality thing really took you off guard. Seeing the city from the top of the Tower was different to this.

"I got ya," Bucky said, coming to walk right by your side. You looked over at him, and he offered his hand. You immediately accepted.

As you walked by multiple cafés, you wondered if Bucky had a favourite, or maybe there was a secret superhero club behind a hidden door in an inconspicuous bodega or Chinese restaurant. Alas, earwax - no such luck. Bucky held the door of a standard looking café open.

The guy behind the coffee machine nodded. "Buck,"

"Hey, Gee,"

"Seen ya's all on the news. Everyone okay?" Gee the barista asked, the genuine concern evident in his tone and expression.

"Ah, yeah. You know - nothing they can't handle," Bucky replied; you suspected it was the party line.

"Good, good. What can we get for ya then?"

"Don't worry about it, bud. I'll jump in line."

Gee shook his head and smiled as Bucky took his place in the queue to order. "You wanna grab a table? Or wait with me?" he asked you.

"Stay," you replied, stepping closer to him.

While you held your body in a way that shielded your broken bones from people's paths, it was easy being close to Bucky. He was probably very accustomed to being around the injured, so never accidentally hit the cast. You were grateful.

Bucky reached out and curled hair behind your ears, then leaned in to kiss the top of your nose. It was intimate, and brought solace. It was also very public; as he moved away, started greeting the girl at the counter, you realised there were more than a few pairs of eyes on you. Turning from the room, you stood closer to Bucky and listened to their conversation.

"You know I can't tell you that," Bucky said, leaning against the counter like he owned it.

"But, like, it's over, right? We won?"

"Tiff, would I be standing here if there was something else I could be doing?"

Tiff nodded, made a face like she'd been let in on a state secret. "Hmmm," she pondered for a second. Then, with pep, "So, the usual then? For one of Earth's mightiest heroes?"

Bucky rolled his eyes at her. "I hate you," he joked before looking at you. "What will it be?"

You hadn't really thought as far as ordering. Already feeling self-conscious and spaced out, the burning in your cheeks was getting hotter.

"Thinking maybe a pot of tea to share?" Bucky suggested, casual, but also sending you a quick wink - he was saving you again.

"Tea's great," you said.

After ordering, Bucky chose a couple of oversized armchairs by the window to sit in. He let you breathe, let you stare through the glass and people watch for a long time. He answered messages on his phone, checked in with Steve while you daydreamed. So deep in thought, or maybe just completely zoned out, you didn't even notice Bucky had made a call, or that the pot of tea had been placed on the small table between you.

Bucky said your name, but you failed to move. He reached out, tapped a knuckle against your knee. You gasped, felt your heart skip a beat.

"Sorry!" he said immediately. "Didn’t mean to scare you…"

"No, it's alright. I'm just… um,"

"You're alright, darlin'. How do you take your tea?"

It was a simple enough question, but you looked down at the table like it was all alien.

"Maybe you can make your own," Bucky said, pushing the tea tray closer to you. "Give you something to focus on. Bring you back down to earth."

…

Although you were hardly touching your tea or the cookies the staff brought over as a gift, Bucky let you sit for much longer than what anyone normally would. It was starting to get dark, the café closing around you, when you finally seemed to become aware of the rest of the world again.

"Oh. Should we go?"

"Sure," Bucky replied, standing and holding his hand out again.

After thanking everyone, you were out in the city, walking back to the Tower.

The silence that existed between you and Bucky was a comfortable one, but the closer you got to your destination, the more nervous you felt. Something in your mind snapped, told you to try to be normal. So, you started to talk. Fast. And a lot.

"Do you all go there? Like, the Avengers? It was nice. They really like you. The cookies were good-"

Bucky cut in, stopping you more than actually wanting to answer. "It's easier to go to the same places. The novelty of us eventually wears off," he told you.

"Yeah, people don't really stop staring, do they? Must get tiring, having everyone watch you all the time. And treat you different." You internally begged yourself to shut the fuck up.

"Guess I don't really know what 'normal' would be… Don't like people giving me free stuff all the time though. Don't need it. Not really a skip-the-line type of guy," he said.

You wondered how much charity he needed after Steve brought him back into the fold. Instead of asking about that, you thankfully went with, "Must be nice sometimes though?"

Bucky thought for a second. It was one of the changes in personality he experienced after Hydra. Bucky in the 30s and early 40s was a little bit of an attention seeker, a true lover of the limelight. Not so much anymore. He thought of you then - how you'd considered him to be a hero, and how you had needed him. How you still needed him.

"Maybe there's a couple perks."

You nodded, went quiet again. Bucky noticed that you switched between that frantic, almost manic state and scary quiet a fair bit. He rolled with it, a little notorious for the odd mood swing himself.

It was in the elevator of Stark Tower that you started to get jittery. The palms of your hands started to sweat, but Bucky didn't let go. He also tried to not seem like all of his attention was fixated on you, but it was. When he took you back to his suite, rather than the crazy high-tech boardroom, he thought about explaining why, but figured it wasn't one of the main things on your mind.

Sitting on the couch in the same place you'd eaten burritos for brunch, you pulled the knitted blanket back over yourself.

"Ready?" Bucky asked, sitting down next to you and putting a glass of water and box of tissues on the coffee table. You nodded. "F.R.I.D.A.Y., how'd you go?"

You felt sick, real deep down in your stomach. It was a pushing force, making you hot and uncomfortable. Suddenly, the blanket was too heavy and you pushed it away with a weird anger.

Bucky wanted to hold you, but he knew the sensation of feeling trapped by grief. He gave you space and braced himself for what was about to hit you.

"I'm not sure what the best order to deliver this is," F.R.I.D.A.Y. admitted. She knew the limits of her programmed humanity, and it was probably the most impressive thing about her.

"Good news first," Bucky said.

"I've located Lucas and Elizabeth. Lucas is currently residing in an apartment just outside the affected zone. It belongs to a Jacob Short,"

"That's his boyfriend's dad," you said, nodding to yourself. Lucas was safe.

"Elizabeth is currently admitted to Howard University Hospital. She has a broken clavicle and humerus, and damage to the glenohumeral joint - all to her right side. She is in stable condition."

You breathed out hard, then took a tissue to your face. You'd not even noticed that you'd started to cry.

"Glory was destroyed," F.R.I.D.A.Y. continued.

That's when you looked up from the patch of floor you'd been staring at. On the screen of the television, F.R.I.D.A.Y. had been showing you relevant things - the Facebook status geotagging Lucas at his boyfriend's family home, the rental agreement that showed who lived at that address, Elizabeth's medical records, even security footage of her in the hospital.

You shouldn't have looked up.

For a moment, Bucky didn't understand why your breathing had all but stopped. Average people don't get a slideshow to accompany their bad news. He looked at the screen. A photo, then another, showed the entire building Glory was a part of reduced to rubble.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y., maybe we don't need the show with the tell," Bucky said.

"No!" you yelled. "I need to see."

If there was information, visual or verbal, you needed it.

"I logged into WorkForce using your credentials to view the roster. Two people were working at the time of the attacks: Carly Underwood and Ellie Gilbert," F.R.I.D.A.Y. told you. Before she said it, you knew it. "I'm sorry, Y/N. Both have been put on the list of deceased. Carly has been identified officially. Ellie is pending, but using our facial recognition and matching, I can confirm it's her."

You stood up, ripping the hoodie you were wearing off. If it was too hot before, now you felt like you were made of lava.

Bucky watched you start to pace. Your expression was alarmingly flat.

"The rest of your co-workers are safe. Only a Tara Constantine was in the affected area. She was on a bus moved to safety by Peter Parker."

There was footage taken from somebody's phone of Spiderman saving bus and carloads of people.

"I used your social media accounts to create an index of known people. As far as I can tell, you do not directly know anyone else on the list of deceased."

The phrase was still making you feel sick.

Bucky mistook that as F.R.I.D.A.Y. being finished. He thanked her, asked her to keep him updated if anything changed.

"Sorry, Sergeant. There's more."

Both you and Bucky went still. What else could there be?

"Your parents, Y/N,"

"They live on the other side of the city. Probably worried about me, right?" You turned to the screen, expected to see a worried Facebook posted asking if anyone had seen you. How could telling them you were safe not be your first thought? Stupid. Selfish.

On the screen was a grainy traffic cam photo of your parents driving. It was time and date stamped.

"They're fine," you said.

"Y/N, I'm sorry… Your parents aren't on the list of deceased-"

"Yeah, because they're fine!"

Suddenly, you remembered you did call them. You were still in the refuge centre, and it took you an hour to find someone with a phone willing to share. First, you called your dad, but it went straight to voicemail. Your mum didn't pick up. Only a month before, they'd had the landline switched off. How did you forget calling?

"But using street surveillance, I tracked their car into the affected zone. They got caught in the attack-"

"No. No. They hate that part of town. I didn't even move in that long ago and they already hate it. There's no reason for them to be there," you said, angry. No reason… except you.

"I checked through unidentified photographs-" she tried to continue, her voice noticeably more robotic than Bucky had ever heard it. He was grateful to have her then.

"The what?" you asked, confused and flustered and still feeling so fucking sick.

Bucky sighed, figured he should explain that one. "It's the same as natural disasters… When they find bodies, move them to try to identify them, they make a catalogue of photos to help. F.R.I.D.A.Y.'s saying she checked through them,"

"So? They're fine,"

"Our facial recognition and matching have a 100% accuracy record, but… I could be wrong," F.R.I.D.A.Y. said.

Bucky knew she wasn't, and was discomforted by her attempt at gentleness.

"Wrong about what?" you spat, already knowing.

"I believe your parents have passed away,"

"Show me," you said.

"Y/N, I-" from Bucky.

"Show me!" you yelled, moving to the screen, standing so close you swore you could feel the electricity buzzing from it.

The photographs from traffic cams were still up, static. You stared them down, waiting.

Bucky walked to you, stood behind you, held his breath.

F.R.I.D.A.Y. didn't speak again. She showed you all the photos of your parents she had found to base her conclusion on. The reach of her skills became apparent and terrifying. There was no way she and everything she could do, was legal. As photos from private accounts, devices, and websites flashed up, along with dozens from the DMV and work place IDs, you felt all the heat you'd brewed up drain from you.

Your body began to meltdown - you needed to pee, your mouth went dry, and earaches formed out of nowhere. It felt like you were being stabbed in the lower back. None of it made sense.

The screen went still again.

"Show me," you said once more.

Two overexposed photographs appeared on screen. Both were framed similarly - head shots of undeniably dead people. Also undeniable was the fact that they were the corpses of your parents.

"Turn it off," Bucky said.

The screen went black but you didn't look away. As long as you stayed there staring, the image wouldn't fade. You could see them in your mind. You could see the indent in your father's head, skull visible. You could see the blood on your mother’s face. Tape held their eyelids closed.

"Y/N," Bucky whispered, standing close. He waited for a response. Time was ticking by excruciatingly slowly. "Y/N, I'm gonna help you to bed," he said, but you flinched, so he stopped moving towards you. "Okay… That's okay. You can stay-" but before he could end the sentence with 'here,' you screamed out a guttural cry that mutated into sobbing.

Very quickly for Bucky then, time sped up again. It was moving too fast though. Your legs gave up, and he caught you only just before hitting the floor. You crawled out of his arms, along the floor, dry heaving between sobs and yelped of pain as you ignored the fact one hand was crushed. In the couple of seconds it took him to work out if you were going to throw up, you did. You puked all the Mexican and tea you'd had, then continued to crawl, making it close enough to a wall that you could lay on your side and lean against it.

Bucky knelt in front of you, tried to pull your hair into the tie that was usually around his wrist. Once successful, he went to retrieve a cold, wet wash cloth. He wiped your face but gave up when the sobbing seemed to get louder. He could make out words sometimes. For the most part, there was nothing coherent in your mind to articulate. You curled up into a ball, switching between deep sobs and outright screams.

Eventually, it all subsided into an even crying but you stayed in a tight ball. Bucky sat beside you, pressed close enough that he could feel each movement you made. After hours, once you'd gone quiet, Bucky whispered, "I'm gonna look after you, Y/N. Promise."

Chapter 6 coming soon...

Tag list for So Far Away: @animegirlgeeky @howthehellisbucky @dumbubblegum @chipilerendi

Tag list for all my work: @bubbabarnes @browngirlmagic @lookalivefrosty @aynaraxas @vibraniumwitch @the--sad--hatter @fairislesheets (of course it doesn’t let me tag you! I’ll message you)

Tag lists are open - message me to be added.

#mine #So Far Away #Bucky Barnes #Bucky Barnes fanfic #Bucky Barnes imagine #Bucky Barnes fanfiction #Bucky Barnes reader insert #Marvel #Bucky Barnes x Reader #Bucky Barnes/Reader #Bucky Barnes x Y/N #Bucky Barnes/You #Bucky Barnes x You

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ballumsecretvalentine · 5 years ago

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BALLUM HEADCANONS

some random ballum headcanons for the lovely @starsdah-b

i hope you have a wonderful valentines whatever you do and i hope you enjoy these!

lots of love xo

since getting back together properly, the two somehow unconsciously agree that they need to find time to become comfortable as a couple again especially as everything has been so messy recently

this does not go to plan; the two can hardly keep their hands off each other and once back together, they just fit, like a key in a lock

the mitchell household is pretty quiet now; ben struggled to bring himself to stay there by himself. no sharon. no dennis. no phil. no louise. no baby peggy. he managed one night before he found himself standing outside callum’s flat in the middle of the night realising what an idiot he was.

callum couldn’t deny that when ben turned up at god knows what hour, but how could he say no? taking ben into his arms, he drags him into the bedroom and makes sure he has a good night’s sleep. ben stays there for a week before he goes back home

after their reunion, the two spend the whole weekend together, getting used to each other’s company again, just being in each other’s arms. complete bliss.

one of the main thing’s callum missed while being away and being apart from ben was lexi. of course Callum missed Ben, but lexi was just as important to him. yes, she could be a little madam at times and would ask for the most ludicrous things but one look at those puppy dog eyes and callum would melt.

lexi missed callum too, her daddy seemed just as happy when he was with callum when he was with her. selfishly, this also meant that her daddy was more likely to say yes to certain things and she really likes callum and sometimes wishes her daddy would share him a bit more.

sometimes callum will catch ben staring across the room, he’ll have this little glimmer in his eye, or his eyes will lock onto to callum and suddenly that hard shell completely disappears, and he becomes so soft, so vulnerable. that’s the ben he fell in love with.

callum hasn’t said ‘I love you’ again, it’s like he’s afraid ben will run again. they’ll be at the flat – eating dinner, watching a film, just being together and callum will go to say it, blurt it out and has to stop himself. he wishes he didn’t.

it’s a few days after their reunion, callum came round just to drop something off but kathy had persuaded him to stay for dinner (missing callum just as much as everyone else), a few hours later and callum is still playing with lexi when ben finally admits to himself. he loves callum. he’s in love with him. and he couldn’t care less if he never felt anything again.

whenever he can, callum will do his best to visit ben at work. he knows how terrible ben is at eating enough when he’s working. He makes sure that when ben’s staying with him for a few nights, to make a packed lunch, even though ben manages to forget it every single time which gives callum an excuse to go and see him (not that he needs an excuse)

their first ‘proper’ date after getting back together isn’t any that special, callum suggested cooking for ben (chicken pasta, anyone?) but ben insists he wants to do something for callum

the only problem is that ben doesn’t want to just do anything. callum is special, someone ben couldn’t imagine his life without, and he deserves more than ben can give

flowers, gifts, cards, chocolates, a fancy dinner, weekend away – ben racks his brain trying to decide what to do, almost everything doesn’t seem good enough. but then he sees callum in the café, being perfect all on his own and realises he doesn’t need all that fancy shit. all the two need is each other (no matter how cheesy that sounds) and he ends up cooking callum a small and simple dinner, just the two of them, how it should be

ben has been wearing his glasses a lot more recently, especially after callum mentioned how much he liked him in glasses. It goes unnoticed for a little while, much to ben’s annoyance. but as soon as callum does notice it, and realise ben only started wearing them again because of callum, he couldn’t hide his happiness.

although callum seems the most in love and romantic between the two, ben is proper soppy about callum; something that recently he’d been trying to learn to love

he started to actually make breakfast for once, left these sweet notes around the flat and even bought callum flowers (he managed to buy callum’sfavourites, something ben was very proud of)

this sudden surge of romantic gestures makes callum think ben’s up to something (probably not good and very illegal) but when he asks, ben just smiles, gives him a quick peck on the cheek and tells him its what callum deserves

when lexi decides she must have a pet, callum is only too quick to agree that every little girl deserves one (especially as ben already said no to a pony) and much to ben’s annoyance, callum decides he’ll take lexi to one of the animal shelters to pick out a perfect pooch.

she chooses a little yorkshire terrier, who’s a little on the slim side and calls it poppy. ben’s still in a sulk when callum brings home lexi and poppy and is seemingly trying to ignore the trio

this plan fails miserably when lexi comes blundering in, poppy in her arms and running up to show her daddy the best present she’s ever been given and telling him how happy she is

callum comes in after, to see ben playing with lexi and poppy, knowing he did the right thing and wondering how he could have ever been unhappy

ben is constantly second guessing his worth, but this is something both he and callum are trying to get him to overcome. callum always making sure to tell ben how special he is, how he is good enough, how much he and everyone around them treasures ben, how important ben is to lexi

ben doesn’t want it to all be on callum though; he does his best to listen and to try to value himself, even after everything he’s done

there are times when callum still feels like he’s struggling. a quick memory, a flicker of lights, the hustle and bustle of the street, being constantly tired. at first, he just brushes it off, like has always has. he always thought he could handle it. but it had been getting worse, he feels like he can’t breathe most days and that’s when ben started to notice

this is when callum sits ben down and talks to him about the army and what happened to him and how he feels now, he does it properly, not leaving any detail out. its complete agony, but then it’s done and ben’s holding him, giving him light and soft kisses, telling callum that it’ll all be alright and he finally feels relief

#bvd20 #ballum secret valentine #ballum #ben x callum #eastenders #headcanons

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inmytaste-blog · 6 years ago

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Flawed Connection

Word Count: 5.6k

Warnings: Heart swelling at first but rivers of tears next

A/N: It has been a while lovelies! Uni has been a pain in the back and I have been flooded with work but I couldn’t keep being inactive so I decided to work on this piece since it was requested. Thank you once again for your love on this account and on my writing and please stay tuned for what is to come! Requests are still open and feedback is very much appreciated! Enjoy!

__________________________________________________________

‘’All I am saying is that you finally need to get out of your comfort zone Y/N. What is the worst thing that could happen?’’

Leyla, your best of friends, asked you and you found your words getting stuck in your throat. Truth was you weren’t really sure how you could answer this question even though someone would argue that it was a simple one. You on the other hand, had a different opinion. You were always the girl who was the happiest when minding her own business or staying in her lane, not really risking or taking initiatives. It was just the way you were.

So, every time the conversation was headed to the relationship domain, you preferred it if you remained distant and not so communicative since this was your least favourite topic to discuss. You weren’t very experienced when it came to guys and this was partly your fault no matter how hard you tried to deny it. You had a hard time voicing your feelings or letting the other people know what your opinion of them was. So this made things ten times harder.

‘’Leyla, we have been over this so many times it is giving me a headache. Just drop it please.’’

‘’No, I won’t and you know it. This guy is almost down on his knees, begging you for a chance and you always raise a wall between you. If you are not ready to commit to someone, okay. I accept this. But let him spend some time with you at least! For God’s sake he doesn’t chop heads off last time that I checked.’’

‘’You know what? I think I am going to head home. I think there is no use talking about it if you aren’t willing to take my thoughts into consideration. See you’’ you snapped back and made your way out of your best friend’s condo.

All the distance from her house to your own was spent with you replaying in your head Leyla’s words. Part of you understood her concerns and worries about your inefficiency of showing your emotions or your intentions right away. Her biggest fear had to do not with your relationships with other boys but your relationships with other people as well. She feared that this behavior of yours would tear you apart from your beloved ones, something that had happened in the past with another friend of yours. You still remembered how devastated you were when the fact that you wouldn’t be hanging out with that person again had sunk in and you had promised to yourself that you wouldn’t allow it to happen again. You had promised to become more communicative about your feelings; you felt like you owed it to people who spent time with you.

But no matter how many times that promised had escaped your lips, things barely changed. You felt like something was blocking your throat and fogging your mind thus making you unable to tell someone that you liked them or that they made you feel happy or different. And that was where the other part of you came and disagreed with your friend’s words. That was the way you were and you expected people to accept you in the same way you accepted them, without demanding they changed. However, this was not the case and you were disappointed that you needed to change in order to be accepted.

You had spent many nights thinking over and over again all the times when you should have said something, anything, to the people who made you feel special but every single time, you chickened out. So you had quit altogether, coming to terms with the fact that you might end up alone in a lonely island. You laughed at the whole situation but Leyla and even your parents were on different grounds. They had even suggested you visit a specialist or a psychiatrist to figure out what possible traumas or past experiences had locked up a more intimate version of you.

You had shrugged off that proposal thinking it was rather ridiculous and childish to believe that this could be solved in such a way. And that was the main reason no change was on its way. There were times you were content with this but there were other times when you feared that you would lose Leyla as well. She was a very special person to you and all her constant nagging may seemed like genuine interest and compassion but you couldn’t rule out the possibility that her patience and tolerance were running thin.

‘’Why can’t I be more open? Why? What are you so afraid of Y/N?’’ you sighed to yourself plopping onto your bed and closing your eyes, consumed by frustration and disappointment. You felt like this ‘problem’ needed to be dealt with and solved. But how could it when you were unwilling to go for a different approach on people? How could it when that guy’s messages were always left ignored and unanswered? The saddest part was that he seemed like a genuinely sweet and polite guy, not like all the other prying boys who the only thing in their minds was how to get in a girl’s pants.

This particular boy, Shawn, was firstly interested in your well-being and your day’s progression. He made sure to ask you about your day or how much your boss had irritated you today and it succeeded in creating a very positive image of him. It was the first time you found yourself enjoying talking with a guy since all your previous, few but still existent, encounters with guys hadn’t really gone as planned. They always ended up asking for nudes or being very raw about their intentions towards you or girls in general.

Things were going smoothly between you and Shawn, growing accustomed to each other’s company when going out with all of your friends, and you didn’t really think much into it. Leyla though, who was the one who introduced you to Shawn one night in your neghbourhood’s diner, saw much different things. He saw the way Shawn was engrossed into whatever story your lips were narrating and she saw the way his eyes would light up every time your name would be mentioned in a conversation. It didn’t take her too long to realize that Shawn was drawn into her best friend and she found that as the perfect opportunity for you to finally open up and create something beautiful with Shawn. The only thing she did was accelerate things a little bit.

‘’Are you sure you guys won’t be able to make it? I mean we can arrange another time, I have no problem’’ Shawn said through the speaker, quite disappointed that he wouldn’t be seeing you that night.

Leyla had called and informed Shawn that all their other friends couldn’t go out and meet up because they had arranged to go to an emergent surprise party which had come up in the last minute. What he didn’t know though was that no surprise party had come up and that it was all a made up story made by Leyla in order to get you to hang out with Shawn all alone. She knew that her plan would raise questions and eyebrows but she decided to help her best friend and that was what she was doing.

‘’Well, we will arrange again all together but if it is okay with you, Y/N is the only one being available since she doesn’t know that friend we are surprising. Would it be too much of a favour if I asked you to go out with her so she doesn’t stay in on a Saturday night?’’ Shawn felt his heart exploding a million times in his chest. Here Leyla was, asking him if it was too much to keep company to the girl he was smitten with when in reality it was a dream coming true to him.

‘’Um of- of course I can do that. Don’t even think about it. I am sure we will have a great time together.’’

Shawn was positive this would turn out good whereas you felt panic creeping up on you when you understood that no one else would be joining you and Shawn that night. While you were sipping your wine with Shawn you couldn’t help but feel thankful for the efforts he was so hard making in order to create small talk or make the whole situation more comfortable. On your part, you tried to loosen up and relax but your nerves were getting the best of you and without having any intention to, you had pretty much ruined that scheduled appointment with Shawn accompanying you to your house much earlier that he preferred.

Two weeks later, and Shawn had tried to contact you by messages and phone calls. He couldn’t shake the ugly feeling of blame that overpowered him. He put the blame on him that he had done or said something that you got wrong or offended by and he kept apologizing, assuring you that he didn’t mean to ruin the night. You felt your fingers getting heavier while they lingered on top of the screen, waiting for a reply to be typed and sent. You decided that it was unfair to him to be tortured with so many unanswered questions and doubts and pushing your own uncertainties aside you typed a much wanted response.

-Please don’t blame yourself. You tried your best and I am thankful. Could I make it up to you over coffee today?

Staring at your phone, you silently cursed at yourself. Rereading your message, you wanted to slap yourself across the face. Not only didn’t you put Shawn’s worries at rest but you even made them more valid. That was why you never tried in the first place to become more intimate with someone. Things always went down the drain and you were the only responsible for that. You shouldn’t drag other people down with you since they didn’t deserve it; not one bit.

-I am so glad you asked. Is 18:00 at Timothy’s convenient for you? Xo

To say Shawn’s response caught you off guard was an understatement. You thought that he would want nothing to do with you for taking so long to return his messages and for offering such a pitiful reply. But life has its own ways of surprising people and it worked perfectly on you too.

-Yes of course.

The hours were passing earlier than usual and you didn’t know whether you felt thankful or anxious. You wouldn’t need more than half an hour to get ready for your appointment with Shawn considering you would meet up for a simple coffee but felt like you needed the in-between hours in order to digest what you had put yourself into and to come to terms with the fact that Shawn was more than pleasant to hang out with you whatsoever. Thanks to Leyla who found the perfect time to call you, this process became easier.

‘’Okay now this is a first! Well done monkey-face. Now, don’t screw this up please. Shawn is very kind and he won’t say anything if you say or do something ‘unjustifiable’ but he will be thinking about it for over ten years.’’ You friend tried to make the atmosphere a bit funnier but this statement made you lose it even more.

‘’Are you saying this to make me feel better? Because if that was your plan, it failed miserably.’’ You felt your palms sweating and your head getting dizzier with every passing second.

‘’Relax and enjoy it. It is a simple coffee. And Shawn has an amazing sense of humour. This doesn’t mean that I won’t hesitate to chop his head off if he takes it too far though!’’

‘’Keep your hands clean rocky. I need to get ready. Talk to you later!’’ you said hanging up and proceeding to go into your bedroom and prepare for your little date with Shawn.

Throughout the night, you found out that Shawn had a terrible sense of humour which made you laugh nonetheless. You also found out that he had a lot of embarrassing childhood stories that would come in handy if he kept on narrating and sharing them with you. You were persuaded it was very good having him near and this close to you, getting your mind off the watch rested on your wrist and making you enjoy every passing minute.

‘’I was afraid you would keep ignoring me for at least one more month. I really thought I messed up or something’’ Shawn said abruptly, coming down from your laughter of his previous stories and directing the conversation to more serious matters.

‘’Well, that was my initial intention but I felt sorry for you’’ you joked and you looked as his orbs grew the size of a plate. You instantly burst into laughter and Shawn followed suit, not paying attention to your previous statement.

‘’Well, that would be very difficult since I am all that cute and shit’’

‘’Don’t be so full of yourself Mendes.’’ You raised your eyebrow and waited for his next response.

‘’Oh but you will realize that I am nothing like that’’ he said smirking, knowing exactly what he was doing in order to get you to like him just as much as he liked you however impossible that was to achieve.

Indeed, just as months were rapidly passing by, you were fully accustomed to Shawn’s presence and it was safe to say that you were both glued to each other’s hips. No one would exaggerate if they said that you needed his help in everything you did and no one would be lying if they claimed that Shawn’s songs were covering something big and important that was happening inside his brain and his heart.

There wasn’t a single day that found you disconnected. If you hadn’t made plans to slouch in either yours or Shawn’s sofa or go out and enjoy the soft breeze of the town while sipping your wines, you would surely exchange texts, phone calls, facetime sessions or just voice mails to let each other know how their day was and what a relief it was to finally being able to clear their minds off of their hectic schedules.

Shawn was visibly on cloud nine, not really caring whether his friends had just invited him to play FIFA or head to their old time classic bar down the road. He only had eyes for his phone screen, waiting for it to light up with your name flustered all over it to let him know that you were free to hang out together. He didn’t really fight the smile that crept up on his face when this exact text message reached his phone and Brian was quick to comment on that, not giving his friend any space to hid his rosy cheeks.

‘’Y/N’s game is a strong one. Are you sure you are qualified enough to make it out alive?’’ Brian joked and Shawn’s face clouded.

‘’I don’t know man. I hope I am because I really like this girl.’’

‘’The real question here is whether she likes you as well. You need to have confirmation when it comes to feelings, not just speculations. Maybe it is time you asked her out dude.’’

‘’What? No, no, no. I fear this will ruin everything we have built so far. I mean, I want to ask her out, fuck, I want to ask her to be my girlfriend already, but I have this little voice inside reminding me that she is not like any other girls. She needs time to feel comfortable enough to open up I guess.’’ Shawn said, not really trusting his own words while his mind was processing them.

‘’Sooooo, you don’t have any clue if she likes you. Not even half a clue. That’s what you’re telling me’’ Brian concluded, and Shawn swore it sounded more awful hearing it from him. He only confessed that he felt lost when it came to your feelings towards him when he was alone in his room thinking about your smile and how it brought salvation to his troubles. Now that he was asked to confess the same thing in front of his friend, he felt… played. You never really made it clear to him whether you liked him in a more serious way and he didn’t want to believe that you didn’t fancy him at all.

‘’Well, actually-‘’

‘’I got it. Shawn mate, have you even considered that maybe, just maybe, she sees you just as her buddy? As her best friend?’’ Brian reasoned and this statement alone hit Shawn like a ton of bricks. He always believed you had a great time together not only because you had chemistry, something clear to everyone around you, but because you both felt something more about one another as well. The thought of you not liking him back made his heart shatter into small little pieces, patiently waiting for your words to put them back together.

‘’I say you talk to her tonight. You got nothing to lose. And it think it is only fair you finally get a glimpse of what is going on in her mind concerning your… status.’’

‘’You know what? You are right. I will talk to her tonight. Thanks Bri.’’

Brian’s words had shaken Shawn up and made him see things a little bit more objectively. He always made sure you were comfortable and fully accustomed around him, that he neglected his own peace of mind and his own needs to be accepted and valued from the one person he needed it the most. He knew he had to take matters into his own hands and make a move for whatever was about to happen between you two. Bearing all this new enlightenment in his mind, he climbed the stairs to your front door, heart on his sleeve and his posture radiating determination and positivity.

‘’Since when do you knock?’’ you greeted him and disappeared in your living room.

‘’Thought a change would be good. What are we watching today?’’ Shawn said, kicking his boots off and making his way to where you were situated on your couch.

‘’Surprise me today’’ you said, not taking your eyes off of your phone and waiting for Shawn’s recommendation to echo through the walls.

‘’Well, you are in for a surprise tonight, that’s for sure. Y/N I need to talk to you about something’’ Shawn said, turning his face to yours adjusting his focus so he only had a view of your all so familiar beauty.

Just when those words left Shawn’s mouth however, you felt your whole body going numb. It was like a premonition for what you tried so hard to avoid all this time; losing him. He had become a part of your everyday life, from exploiting his very soft sofa to dragging him to the grocery store to buy tampons because you needed company. You couldn’t fathom how life would be if he decided to step out of it that easily. One thing you knew for sure; it would be empty and miserable, just like before. And you knew what the reason behind this change of events was; your own syncretism and withholding of feelings. You’d really like it if for once, you would be able to trick your mind into being normal and expressive but you always seemed to have the way to destroy whatever was ready to flourish.

Shawn tried to keep his composure and not let his feelings get the best of him, but he seemed like he was struggling very much to find the appropriate words. This struggle came off to you like disappointment and perhaps hate, that you never really made him feel appreciated. Heck, you even hated yourself for that because you really got to know what a special human Shawn was. All the while you were silently beating yourself up for a potential split up with Shawn, he had just confessed what he meant to all night long, making you freeze in your spot.

‘’E- excuse me?’’

‘’Jesus Y/N, it was hard getting it out of my chest the first time and now you want me to repeat myself?’’ Shawn chuckled but after seeing your bewildered face he came to a stop and just went for it again.

‘’I don’t really know what your opinion on me is, but considering you have put up with me for so long, I reckon it is a respectable one. My opinion on you however is something more than respectable. I cannot function if I don’t bring your sweet smile in front of my eyes or if I don’t spend a good ten minutes admiring your photos that live in my phone. I can’t keep a straight face during our conversations or our chatting and I look forward to going out with you or just spending a minute listening to your voice more than being dragged to play FIFA, and you know how much I love this game. The only thing that keeps me going and motivates me to be a better version of myself is you. What I am trying to say is that I like you Y/N. And very much so’’ Shawn confessed and your eyes were glued into his own ones.

Never in your wildest dreams would you expect for Shawn to fall for someone like you; someone who can’t wrap their heads around their emotions in order to make them known to others as well. That was the main reason why Shawn couldn’t get another reaction out of you apart from looking at him half smiling.

‘’So, what do you say? Could you put up with me as your boyfriend too? You seem pretty good at it so far’’ Shawn attempted to wake you up and it seemed to work since you were nodding your head up and down, still shocked at the revelation that took place a couple of seconds ago. Shawn found it a bit weird that no words came out of your mouth but the only thing that mattered to him was the fact that you were officially together and that everything he wanted was finally fullfilled.

No other words could describe your relationship with Shawn apart from safe, happy and peaceful. The amount of love Shawn was showering you with was unreal but it was enough to fly you up in the clouds. There wasn’t a single thing that he did that couldn’t amaze you. He was so calming and reasonable when it came to you that it turned you into a defenseless mass. He always tried to find solutions to your problems and he did a very good job at it.

There was no one else who would understand and read you like Shawn. It felt like he knew you for years when in reality it was only one. He was very careful when it came to your whole existence but that didn’t mean that he didn’t hesitate to show you off and tell everyone what a wonderful soul you had. Small things like these made your heart swell and your love for Shawn grow bigger with each passing day.

The reason why you were so content with your relationship with Shawn however, was the fact that you were both willing to sit down and solve whatever disagreement or obstacle came in the way instead of holding grudges or just acting ignorant towards one another. In other words, arguments, let alone huge tantrums and fights, were absent from the safe space you had both created for your love to nourish. Nothing could top the feeling of protection and the level of understanding both of you made efforts to show at any given moment.

And with Shawn’s upcoming tour, this level of understanding had to be maximized a little bit more from your own part. Your relationship had occurred when Shawn was having a small break from tour since he had finished the first leg of it but now that the second one was coming up you felt overwhelmed and desperate that the bond you had invested time and love into making would lose its power and its endurance.

‘’You are doing it again baby’’ Shawn brought you out of your trance and your attention was shifted to his warm eyes.

‘’Hm?’’

‘’You are thinking about the tour again. Please stop putting yourself through that. Time will fly by in the blink of your beautiful eye. Besides…’’ Shawn started but trailed off mid-sentence.

‘’Besides?’’ you insisted, stroking softly the soft flesh of his rosy cheek.

‘’Besides, I love you so damn much that nothing can make my love go away’’

Shawn was the first time that he was saying those three words that would make any other human cry out of happiness and adoration for their other half. But you felt like suffocating; like someone had plugged a pump in your lungs and was taking all the oxygen out. You wanted to scream to Shawn that you loved and adored him but instead the only thing that left your lips was a low grumping sound, not being able to express anything else.

Shawn’s arms tightened around your smaller frame but he felt let down that you didn’t say anything of the same value to him. Sometimes, he felt like he was the only one trying in this relationship and he fought really hard to drown those voices down because he knew if he let them wandering, they would inevitably poison your beautiful home. He also knew that keeping everything inside would create a bomb which sooner or later would explode causing much more trouble than both of you could handle. So he figured that having someone to talk to was much needed, especially before leaving you behind in order to complete his tour.

‘’I don’t know Brian. I feel like I am not enough for her. She makes me feel amazing, I will give her that and she is the most kind-hearted person I have come across in my life. But deep down, I feel like she is with me only because she can’t see me breaking or being torn apart if she ends things with me. I mean I have already told her I love her and she didn’t say anything of the sort. I want her to tell me whatever she feels she needs to tell me only when she is ready and she means it but I don’t know what’s taking her so long.’’

Shawn’s frustration was visible in his voice and you knew this was going to happen any time soon. It felt surreal that you had finally found someone who had no problem with your lack of verbal expression of feelings and you were proven correct. It was too good to be true. What pained you most was the fact that he chose to describe his disappointment to Brian over a simple phone call instead of addressing you directly. That was the one thing you always loved about your relationship, the courage to confront anything together. And now that you needed only this, he turned to his friend. You were already feeling bad for eavesdropping on his conversation so you decided to go back to your room. Luck wasn’t on your side though since your foot knocked over the small vase you had next to the staircase, exposing your presence to Shawn who had just hung up the phone.

‘’Y/N are you alright? What are you doing here?’’ Shawn asked, worry lacing his features.

‘’I am okay. I am okay.’’ You weren’t. You wanted Shawn to take you into his arms and tell you that the phone call never happened but it was a prank to get you to talk to him.

‘’How much did you hear?’’

‘’I heard nothing.’’ You coldly answered and Shawn felt his blood boil.

‘’Could you stop running away and acting so cold? I am trying to figure out what I am doing wrong all this time and you aren’t helping. Not one bit!’’ Shawn half- shouted following you in your bedroom, ready to finally hear your part of the story.

‘’What do you want me to say Shawn? You knew what you were signing up for when you asked to be with me. We were pretty close before that so you knew what I am all about!’’ You hated where this was going. This was going to end up in tears or shouting and you distasted it.

‘’So you are putting this one on me too? Cut me some slack Y/N. When you are with someone you have to let them know that they are valued, appreciated, loved as well. I only give and I take bits in return. Is this what this is all about? You feeling powerful and shit? You know the impact you have on me and you use it for your advantage. This is sick. You are sick!’’

Never before had you seen Shawn so distressed and knowing that you had created this sight made it all sadder. You felt like everything was crumbling down and you had no power over putting them together again. In your mind, you felt like you were reliving everything. Leyla’s words, all the previous friendships you had left in the dust were coming crushing on you and your head was ready to explode. Shawn’s words were the cherry on the top. He was the last person you wanted to disappoint and you did just that. Why was it so hard to thank, apologise or generally express your inner world? All these thoughts brought you to your knees and before you knew it you were sobbing. And not alone in your own space but in front of Shawn. In front of another person.

‘’I am s- sorry. So- so sorry’’ your hands flied to your face and it hid inside them.

Shawn would have sworn he heard his heart break in two when he saw you collapsing onto the floor. Your sobs were piercing through his ears and he wanted nothing more than to stop your tears and plant a small smile onto your sweet lips. Rushing to your side, he took you into his embrace trying his best to calm you down.

‘’No, no, no, no, I am sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about baby. I shouldn’t have yelled nor should have I said all those venomous things to you. Please forgive me’’ Shawn pleaded while he rocked you in his strong arms, placing baby kisses on top of your head, trying to steady your breathing.

‘’You know, everyone always told me that this demeanour I have adopted would result in me ending up alone. I always had difficulty in expressing my feelings but I had come to terms with it. I believed that the people who truly knew and loved me would stay by my side no matter how cold I was. But when I met you I knew this would turn out bad if I didn’t try to change. I wanted to change. Because of you. But once again I failed. I don’t deserve any of this. I really don’t.’’

Shawn hated hearing those words being aimed at you from you and he hated himself even more for not resorting to you for all the thoughts and doubts that had started reaching the surface. Getting to hear your story he felt a complete asshole who instead of being next to his girlfriend and offering her all the help she deserved, he stood opposite of her and accused her without knowing.

You were convinced Shawn felt pity for you and nothing else but you were a bit proud for coming clean and finally giving voice to this difficulty of yours. He was the first person who had seen you cry or had heard the situation for that matter so you really hoped something good would come out of it.

‘’Y/N don’t. Don’t go there. You deserve everything in this world and it would be my pleasure to give it to you. But please acknowledge what you just did. You expressed yourself in the best way possible. You cried and you got what you were pushing inside off your chest. This is something major. And it is even major for me because you did it in front of me. You don’t know how special I feel Y/N even though I am a complete jerk for raising my voice. I could take it back in a heartbeat if I could baby believe me.’’

‘’I do. I do believe you. Maybe I needed it myself to come to my senses. Thank you Shawn. For everything you have done for me so far.’’ You finally said and it felt like heaven being able to show to your other half what they really meant to you and how they made you feel every day.

‘’I thank you Y/N. Please don’t ever shut yourself down again. I am here. I can provide one of my ears for you’’ Shawn tried to make you feel lighter and it partly worked.

‘’You’re such a dork, I love you’’ you said, capturing his lips between your own in a haste kiss.

‘’Whoa, did you just-‘’

‘’Yes and I can do it again if you want.’’

‘’Yes please.’’

‘’I love you, I love you, I love you.’’ You said in between kisses and the room filled with Shawn’s beautiful laughter accompanied by your own shy chuckles.

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ramblinganthropologist · 4 years ago

Text

Writober 2020 - 25 (Orange)

Summary: Well... when Bo fucks up, she really fucks up, Luckily, CVS is open 24/7. Even luckier, Alistair’s coming with her. How hard could it be to get some damn pink hair dye anyway?

---

There was nothing like the Normandy needing some repair work done that made him appreciate down time.

“You like that, Saren? I got it from your favorite place as a little surprise while I was out getting supplies for everyone.”

The small, round ball of fur continued to shove his food into his bulging cheeks. He was going a little faster than usual of course – that's what happened when he got his favorite snacks – but soon it would all be stored away for later. Until then, he would continue to look absolutely adorable as he sat in his enclosure.

Alistair had picked up more food and bedding for the hamster while he was out, along with a few chew toys and a new hide. Maybe he was spoiling Saren, but... well, why not? Space hamsters may have lived longer than their Earth counterparts, but they still maxed out at 10. They hadn't been sure how old he was, so... why not make every day count?

Besides, he had pissed on Miranda. That made him a hero.

“It was really busy at the shop when I popped in today. I guess word got out that I go there.” He chuckled as he watched his hamster finish stuffing himself silly. “All full? You look like a little beach ball, Sar.”

Maybe it was his imagination, but he swore he saw Saren's cheeks puff out in indignation. At any rate, he was soon tunneling into his bedding, to wherever he was storing his food in this cage layout. Alistair would find the remains eventually when he cleaned. It was kind of like one of the weirdest treasure hunts he had ever taken part in...

“Well, bye I guess.”

He shrugged his shoulders and started to return to his desk. However. A beeping from his omni-tool drew the Spectre's attention. There was a message there from Bo – fucked my omni-tool again, might have water damage. Fix?

Oh great... water damage.

“She's lucky I got some extra parts when I went shopping.” Alistair shook his head as he grabbed his tool box and jacket. “Saren, watch the room while I'm gone. If you see anyone from Cerberus sneaking around, you know what to do.”

That was of course look cute to entice them in, then bite the shit out of them. It was a good plan, and Saren executed it like a pro. That's why he always felt a little better when he left to go on missions. How could he not when he had his own personal attack hamster?

Bo hadn't said where she was, but he knew her enough that he stopped by the crew floor to find the XO office. The door was open, so he nudged it open and stepped through. There was water running – was she showering?

Well, good to know she trusted him.

“It's on the desk!” Her voice called out over the water. “Did Saren like the snacks you got?”

Alistair settled into his CO's desk in order to fix her very water-logged omni-tool. He cocked his eyebrow as he examined it further. At first he thought it was a trick of the light, but parts of the band looked to be faded to almost white. A smell test confirmed it as he shook his head. Luckily, he had a replacement band in her size.

“Yeah. Did you forget to take this off when you were bleaching your roots though?”

Bo shut the water off – must've been done rinsing. “Some of it dripped while I was working.”

Of course it did. Alistair resisted the urge to roll his eyes as he pulled the stained band off. After that, it was simple diagnostic and replacement. Apart from the soldering of some replacement bits around the screen, he could've done it in his sleep. Luckily, he was awake so that made it go much faster.

He hummed to himself as he worked. “No big deal, I figured you'd need a new one eventually so I picked one up.”

“Gotta love a well-stocked tech.” Bo sounded like she was shifting around. Then she stopped moving. “Aw fuck...”

Alistair cocked his eyebrow as he put the omni-tool down briefly. “Everything alright in there?”

His XO didn't answer. From the sounds of things, she was getting dressed. At least he knew she hadn't fallen or anything, but her silence was a little concerning. However, going into the bathroom was a bad idea, so he was left waiting on the other side.

“Bo?”

Two red eyes were soon on him. “We're going to have to go back to CVS.”

At first, he started to open his mouth to ask why. That question was answered for him as Bo came into view, adjusting her shirt as she walked. She had indeed finished bleaching her roots and touching up the color but...

Well, that wasn't pink. In fact, it was pretty damn fucking orange.

She shot him a look that definitely could've killed. “Well, get it over with.”

Alistair returned the omni-tool to his toolbox for later and started patching up details for returning to the dock. “Well... let's be honest, ginger's better on me than you. You can fix that at least, right?”

After all, there was only one redheaded Shepard on the Normandy, and he was under 6 feet tall. Besides, pink really was more her color anyway. He may have been an utter failure when it came to fashion, but at least he sometimes knew basic color theory.

Sometimes, anyway... he still didn't see why he couldn't wear neon blue sneakers with green laces.

“Yeah, just go already.” her hood was already up over the nightmare. “Before anyone really starts making Shepard siblings jokes.”

Perish the thought...

---

“Have I mentioned how much I hate C-SEC?”

“Many, many times.”

Alistair could feel a dull headache throbbing at the base of his implant as he and Bo finally cleared security. For some reason, flying in on the fucking Normandy always attracted some measure of attention. He wouldn't have minded, but they were kind of on a tight schedule.

Bo still had her hood up as they walked. “I swear I checked that damn box before I bought it, how the fuck did this happen?”

“You're asking the wrong guy, maybe the manufacturer mixed up the packages or something.” He shrugged. “I'll check it out later once we get back.”

Hell, maybe a low blood sugar had caused it. Bo might not have been as sensitive to biotic-induced hypoglycemia as he was, but there were times she still got it. For all he knew, this could have been a hypo fuck up. Of course, he'd never suggest that – that was just insult to injury.

What could he say, he was a paragon of virtue like that. Though, maybe he should consider adding a CGM to her omni-tool when he got back...

At least the CVS didn't look too busy from the outside. The parking lot looked pretty empty, but that was probably due to the time. Even the Citadel had slow periods between shifts after all – people had to sleep and eat sometime. It was just a stroke of luck they hit it when they did.

What wasn't so lucky was the guy Bo all but body checked as she entered the store.

Alistair opened his mouth to apologize, but he didn't get the chance. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw someone coming. His reflexes kicked in, and soon a glowing blue barrier was erected around whatever was moving towards him. A shot ricocheted, and then they were down on the ground with a hole in their leg.

Huh. Now why would two guys in dark masks with guns be in a CVS? And why did the few people in there look like they had just seen a ghost?

“Oh, thank God. I thought - “ The clerk paused, realizing who was standing over her would-be robbers as if they did this every day – which, to be fair, they kind of did. It was just usually in armor. “Wait... are you Commander Shepard?”

Alistair was already checking vitals through the barrier. “Yeah. Bo, go get your stuff. I'll handle these two until C-SEC shows up.”

Their gear and weapons were honestly nothing special, and their plan seemed laughable at best. It was just their luck they had run into amateur hour at thievery school. Well, no doubt they had both earned scholarships to clown college for their boneheaded stunts.

At least the bullet wound didn't look like it had broken anything vital. He'd be able to stand trial for sure at this rate.

“Fuck...” Yeah, his sentiments exactly. “How'd you find us?”

Bo appeared from the aisle, carrying the correct box under her arm. With her hood still up, she slid it over the counter. “We walked in. Can I buy this now, or does C-SEC need to count the total?”

“Oh, they didn't get the chance to take anything! You two showed up just as soon as they drew their guns!” There were stars in the clerk's eyes as she ran Bo up. “I don't know how to thank you, I thought I was going to get shot!”

Alistair's medigel applicator dinged as it dispensed the appropriate dose for the would-be robber still trapped in his barrier. It would hold until he got proper medical attention with C-SEC. With that done, he checked on the other genius. He was still on the floor, groaning.

No surprises there – it was hard to take a full body check from Bo “The Pink Monster” Shepard and make it out without anything broken. Definitely had at least some kind of concussion if the unfocused vision was anything to go by.

Well, at least he didn't crack his skull. Those were messy.

“I doubt they would've hit, their aim was terrible.” Bo accepted her bag just as the C-SEC sirens announced their arrival. “Well, took them long enough.”

She slung her bag over her shoulder. “Al, mind handling them? I'm gonna get back to the Normandy.”

Normally, this was the part where a commanding officer would have totally pulled rank and made his XO stay. After all, he hated dealing with C-SEC as much as anyone did. However, unlike most CO's, he wasn't a total asshole. That he saved for people who deserved it.

“Yeah, hurry up before they realize it's you.”

Bo actually passed two C-SEC officers on her way out, hood pulled low. Alistair shook his head as he straightened up. His hands still felt sticky from the medigel, but there wasn't much he could do about that at the moment.

At least there were no news cameras.

“Stop right-” A turian with purple tattoos lowered her gun. “Commander Shepard?”

He responded with an awkward wave that highlighted the sticky residue from the medigel. At least nobody could blame him for the gunshot – for once he wasn't armed, even though his Spectre status gave him that permission. Who needed to bring a gun into CVS anyway, except idiots like the ones on the floor? “Wrong place, right time. These two need medical attention, but I think they'll be ok. Their pride, not so much, but I can't fix that.”

That dull headache promised to get worse with the incredulous looks he was getting from the officers. Alistair could only hope that the store's cameras were working, otherwise they were going to have to interview him. And oh, he hated going down to the C-SEC offices more than pretty much everything except the Illusive Man, low blood sugar, and the sound of his own voice.

Bo better thank him for this one later... hopefully when her hair was back to pink. Again, orange really was more of his color. Chalk it up to the Irish genes and all.

“So... guess you want to have a chat then?”

Why did he even ask... fuck. He should've stayed in his room with Saren.

#writober2020 #ramblinganthropologist's writing #Alistair Shepard #Bo Peep Shepard

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