#always and forever sad about arthur lester even if its the things i make up in my head. tbh.

[smallsies]

okay i was actually thinking about this the other day; t4t bellarthur is a universal brainrot i guess. sorry to hijack your post red /lh but;

i think. arthur with his complicated feelings about relationships and transness and having a child in the midst of all that. probably felt like he ruined everything after he got pregnant. bella's dad already didn't like him for "ruining his daughter"; supportive of both their identities, at least, but daniel still thought that arthur was just trouble.

and he was right, maybe! arthur didn't mean for him to be but once he realized he was pregnant i think he took off. he didn't have a lot of friends in arkham—but he had james. (remember the argument in the bar in part 31?) james tells arthur he's making a mistake. bella is the only person that will ever love him, they have a child now, he just can't walk away from all of that. still; he lets arthur stay with him even if he really shouldn't, doesn't say a word to bella rven if he really should.

james is the one to take arthur to the hospital. he talked with the staff— don't let anyone else in. we were never here. this baby doesn't have any other family. the first moment alone after the doctors are gone and faroe is there, arthur reverts to the one thing he does best: running away. he was supposed to be resting and spending time with his child for her first few moments in the world but instead he's sneaking out of the ward when james' back is turned, breaking down in an alley before he ends up on daniel's doorstep.

it's been the better part of two months since arthur went into hiding. daniel tells him that bella is dead. he won't tell arthur why, not until he presses, but the answer sends him into another breakdown. it's his fault; he could've fixed this. he could've—should've—saved her. but he was a coward and now he's a single parent who never wanted a child but daniel hugs him until he's better then then they go back to the hospital. he can't abandon faroe; not like his parents did to him. not like he did to bella.

and faroe is perfect even though arthur is thousands of miles from it. james is still there, and arthur cries when he sees him, too, and he's being hugged for the second time in as many hours even though james is mad at him, a fire that won't go out for a very long time. daniel offers to take faroe; arthur refuses. it feels like giving up. he wants to give faroe the life he never had, lets himself feel the love for her he was too scared to acknowledge.

it's hard, without bella. arthur already has enough too-difficult feelings about himself and his body, and a child relying on that only makes it all the worse, for a time. still—he starts playing piano again after faroe's first birthday, and they visit daniel less often than they should and he and james don't talk anymore but he has faroe so it doesn't matter as much as it might've at one time.

bella died in almost the same way his parents did. jumping off a building in downtown arkham, thinking arthur was a coward, that he was never coming back and she would never get to see their daughter. that arthur would abandon faroe, abandon both of them, because he couldn't handle the results of his actions. the funeral had come and gone before arthur knew anything had happened and he never quite shakes that guilt, the one that keeps him up at night and keeps him ducking into faroe's room every hour to see if she's still breathing.

he takes faroe to visit bella's grave, sometimes. they bring flowers and sit on the grass and arthur tells his daughter stories about the mother she never knew. it's not enough and arthur never wanted this but he's tired of running from his own mistakes. and faroe isn't a mistake, she's his pride and joy and one of the only things he cares about still left in the world and he can't help but think what might've been different if he had realized that sooner.

i’m a trans guy and i love the concept of t4t arthur and bella but my brain keeps getting stuck on “well how did bella die then, clearly it couldn’t have been in childbirth” which then leads to me thinking “well if arthur carried faroe and gave birth to her how did he abandon her for an hour after her birth” and i land on the conclusion that makes me laugh a lot: arthur gave birth to faroe and then just fucking walked out of the hospital. he decided he’s had enough of this parenting thing. then he changes his mind and just comes back later like “actually nvm i’ll take the baby” and the hospital just let him

yeah no this is canon now actually it's too funny not to be just imagine

arthur, visibly teary-eyed and drunk: hey guys can i have my baby back

doctor: sure ig

though, anon, how do you think bella died then?

[randomnameless]

FE4 run - the unofficial 3rd Gen

Procrastination at its finest here - what would happen in this run of FE4 after several years?

warning, as always, this is not serious

Queen Larcei and King Seliph of Granvalle are actually pissed at the reconstruction and their own Kingdom - why should they start trading with Agustria first and help them more than help Isaach?

The “nobles” can’t tell them that they’re “barbarians” since Larcei is obviously Isaachian so they use the “it’s too far to send help there, we must secure the Yied Desert first if we want to cross and provide them with goods etc...” card.

But then Larcei tells them that Verdane is closer, and yet Granvalle isn’t helping her brother with his rebel-taming duties. Hell, if she could, she would go there to help him get rid of the bandits. But she can’t because she is Granvalle’s Queen.

Seliph understands that providing help to Verdane will bring less benefits to Granvalle than helping Agustria - who still has a functioning economy, and, besides, as the son of Sigurd, he feels indebted to the people of Agustria (he might have read a letter his cousin’s wife gave him).

So while he is a bit furious but powerless about helping in Isaach’s reconstruction, he continues with the general trend of his forefathers and doesn’t give a fig about Verdane.

Things are difficult in mainland Granvalle for Tine, because everyone and their cats hate Freege, and demand outrageous fees for Reparations about what the Freeges did during the War - when i say everyone and their cats it’s mainly the New Kingdom of Thracia and the Miletos guilds.

Tine and Nanna will never be friendly towards each other until their deaths.

She doesn’t care about Miletos though. Hopefully Seliph puts in place a new policy about “sharing the costs” so every Duchy has to participate. Ultimately, Seliph suspends the payment when he and his cousin have a heart-to-heart talk around the famous bottle of wine because Leif knows now that bleeding dry a country or a duchy isn’t the way to build a lasting peace between nations.

Tine also has problems in her personal life, because he husband is in Jungby and if they manage to get an Ulir Crusader, soon enough they will need a Tordo one but hey, there’s no one left with Tordo blood and there’s a duty not to let bloodlines extinguish (that’s the last thing Seliph heard from F!Lewyn).

Speaking of Jungby, as expected, Faval is the golden puppet Duke whereas Lester - who managed to convince his mom to come home - rules the house. They try to repair some of Faval’s early decisions like opening the castle to accomodate all orphans in the Duchy and giving a quarter of their treasury to the Conote orphanage he used to live in. Faval loves his wife, of course, but she has a duty to recreate a new Tordo line, just like he had to take his Holy Weapon and fight in the last Holy War. So he isn’t sad.

A bit pissed, but not sad.

Johalva was acclaimed as both as a hero and as a kinslayer by the randoms of Dozel. Lana was really pissed about this, but Johalva didn’t deny the various accusations but still add that he had to do those things to protect the civilians, the innocents etc and Julius was really mad, didn’t you see the big monster disappearing in the sky during the end of the war?

He finally managed to be acclaimed as a good Duke after head-butting with some of his fellow Dukes who called him a “disgrace” and managed to make Seliph reconsider his idea of taxing Dozel more than the other Duchies (Chalphy, Jungby and Edda) in the war reparations efforts.

He and Lana also made graves for Johan and Brian, but none were made for Danan.

Lana’s a bit worried about Neir blood disappearing, but given one or two generations cousins could marry and a Crusader could be born again.

Oifey trains Seliph’s son in the ways of chivalry like he did with Seliph when he was younger, he hopes that Seliph’s son will inherit the Chalphy duchy, because he doesn’t feel like he belongs here, in the halls and the throne that were supposed to be Lord Sigurd’s and Lord Byron’s.

Arthur’s dream never comes to fruition, and despite his best efforts, he cannot manage to make the world see Velthomer as anything else but a nest of vipers and other less than savoury people. Fee is the only reason why he didn’t pack his things and run away to Silesse after ten years of rule.

Cherry on top, despite being Azelle’s son, Arthur is also known for having been the one to have killed everyone in his maternal family, so the randoms think they get the short end of the stick - he even killed Lord Ishtore who participated in the child rescues with his sister!

Hopefully with a certain priest’s help, he still managed to rebuild the Duchy so they’re not in the Verdane tier of development anymore. After Arthur’s death, the randoms in Velthomer will say that he wasn’t so bad as a Duke.

Speaking of the savages, Ulster makes his base in Evans because it’s closer to Granvalle and to the royal forces he petitions to help against the barbarians.

When Julia finally joins her husband after being fed up with flower pot duties, she moves the new capital to Genoa. “Verdane” is too remote from everywhere, and in Genoa, they’re both close to Granvalle and to Miletos. Why Miletos? The closer they are to them, the harder it is for them to ignore Verdane, so they will have to listen and maybe obey when they petition for help or to stop putting stupid tariffs on their exports.

Why should they listen? Because Julia is Seliph’s sister and he cares a lot about her well-being.

Ultimately Ulster becomes King of Verdane, but Julia remains a Princess of Granvalle. Their son is the Prince of Persia Verdane and also a Prince of Granvalle. Hopefullu, the kid has major naga blood (even if ulster was overjoyed when the kid managed to “learn” Astra because those rumours about Julia and Seliph are still bothering him, just like they bother his sister) and even if he likes Verdane a lot, some people start to tell him that he has every right to sit in Belhalla and live with the civilised people.

He tells them to fig off.

In Agustria however, there are several rebellions brewing, even after Ares became King. Some former Princes/Kings call him an imposter, other call him too subservient towards Granvalle.

Strangely, though, Lene managed to usher a new era of show and other performing arts - to the point that the New Kingdom became reknown for its great arts. The children puppet shows about the Great King Ares vanquishing the Demon of Granvalle are always full. Through those shows, Agustrians manage to live in a collective fantasy of how they participated in ending the war and fought against Loptyr.

Shagall was the Shield that tried to protect Agustria from the Loptyrians during the first Gen and Eldingan was the Sword who defeated them, but through a deception the Loptyrians had Eldingan killed, so he passed the role of the Sword to his son Ares - everyone was happy, even the old Shagall partisans who, at first, didn’t want Ares or Eldie’s line to usurp the previous line of the Kings of Agustria and reminded Ares of Eldie and House Nodion’s vows.

Sadly enough, Lene wanted to make the lives of the performers and other orphans better with the economic profits earnt by those shoes, but it disappeared in the pockets of the people who were organising said shows. 

Delmud was busy ruling the rest of the country, and exchanging letters with his sister and King Seliph, as the cordial man he has always been.

In Thracia’s New Kingdom we had Leif and Nanna happily creating a new dynasty - and Altenna’s forever alone.

Arion disappeared, and everyone thought that the line of Dain perished with him. However, one of Leif’s former cleric friends told him that there is a child living in (again) an orphanage in Tahra who is Lord Arion’s kid, but for his own sake, it’s better to live as an ignorant peasant than as a prince who lost his kingdom, wouldn’t he agree?

Due to Altenna’s dedication, and Hannibal’s popularity, the Thracians weren’t that crushed when the unification happened, and even if the northeners still have a better lifestyle then their southerners brothers, at the end of Leif’s reign, both people start to have to same lifestyles as in, there are brigands and piss poor people on both sides of the peninsula, but also, rich merchants and assholes in the South too.

Leif is aware that when he asked money to Seliph he acted a bit selfishly, but his Kingdom passes first. They still managed to remain great friends, and Leif’s son married Seliph’s daughter.

In Silesse, Ced manages to get a major blooded baby on someone but realises that he was never cut out to be a King, given how the country governed itself without him during all those years. 

However, he didn’t bail out like his Father, and started to make several researches about dragons, and the mytical land of Archanea - prompted by Loptyr’s sight at the end of the war, and also, because of F!Lewyn.

He volunteered on the first expedition (passing through the northern seas of Silesse) but realised that his place was in Silesse, to study more and, maybe, start to develop trading routes to the new land. It’s only during the last years of his life that he managed to see a returning ship - after several years, sailors finally managed to land somewhere ; they brought him special endemic fruits found in that new land : Zofian Oranges.

The Isaachian people were happy when Shanan returned, because they heard disturbing rumours about their King misbehaving in Thracia and thought that if those rumours started, that meant that he was dead and some man tried to usurp his good name.

They were relieved when they saw him again.

Since the Isaachians had been freed early, they manage to reinstall some sort of government in Isaach (the capital) and everyone from the other kingdoms pledged their allegiance to Shanan - granted, they couldn’t find the former nobles of Sophara, so it was just some elders who participated in the ceremony.

Shanan was a bit disappointed that Granvalle didn’t send as much help as they expected, but thought that maybe Seliph was busy managing internal affairs.

Sadly for him, Patty gave birth to 3 children who all had the brand of Odo on their backs.

He decided that the eldest would remain in Isaac, one would go to Sophara and the last to Ganeishire. 

But the one who was in Sophara wanted to inherit Isaach’s throne, given how he was a boy while the eldest was a woman, and trouble ensued.

More trouble ensued when Seliph’s son didn’t want to return to Chalphy and remain in Belhalla, and when Julia’s granddaughter has had enough of Verdane and managed to steal the Book of Naga, wanting to return to Belhalla.

France Agustria declared itself the Holy land and elected a pope, who took residence in Orgahill and who managed to hear the voices whispers of the gods. Soon enough, being the eldest brother of the Pope, Ares’ son, when he became King, declared the Thracians heretics, for they were developing and practicing dark magic.

Miletos tried to rob everyone using the various tensions as catalysts, but, in the end, they were unable to do a thing when Ares’ second daughter managed to survive a shipwreck when Leif’s only son didn’t. Thracia accused Miletos of having staged an accident to get rid of their heir - Leif’s daughter managed to find (or forge, depends on the POV) a letter detailing how Agustria paid the corrupt Miletosians to sabotage her brother’s lifeboat.

Hopefully Seliph died a few years before the start of the Third War, so he never knew how much the next generation managed to screw what he and friends fought for.

the end

[justurneighboorhoodfriendlybg]

I wrote my suicide letter

When I said people their section, I’m just gonna say it was for therapeutic reasons

What I’m not gonna tell them is that I wrote just in case I’d b too strung out if I’d really do it. Cause the best way it sounds like to do it is an OD

But anyways, that’s not what we’re focusing on

I wrote this and I feel like I shouldn’t share it to here. But I will cause

This is my dairy

This is the page where I can say anything I want

Post anything I want

Do anything I want n still have a good expectation of privacy

Cause on this public platform no one cares about me (lol almost like real life)

But just as a preface: I wrote this in one of our trials n tribulations. And if I sound stupid, please someone inbox me and give me the dose of reality I need. Also the letter started out as just as me venting in the notes on dudes computer and turned into a letter.

And without further ado:

how I feel/my last note

i will never be enough for anyone. I was so stupid to think i would get an happily ever after.

the ONLY reason i won’t kill myself is that it will make the most important person in my life too sad.

but once they die i can’t tell you what I’m going to do

I’m tired

of not being good enough

I’m tired of the way i look

I’m tired of the way i act

I’m tired of having waste my breath on people who don’t want even listen

Im tired of trying so hard to be good

trying so hard to be on the straight and narrow

and no matter what I’m always the fuck up

I’ve failed my mother in so many ways i don’t understand how she still loves me

i really thought arthur loved me, i really thought it was over for me in the dating game

i really thought i had found my soulmate

but he doesn’t want me either

all these girls in his phone, he face timed that girl

trynna link with that other one on tinder

all in the name of the “Threesome”

FUCK THAT

he just wants more, i am not enough. If it was really for the threesome you would have mentioned me

BUT YOU NEVER DO, except for twice and those both were a bust.

also the whole second wife shit

like WTF

i am never gonna have anything

Why did the lord make such a useless life.

just for me to never have anything

well i have my mother

and ruby’

i miss my chikitika

its not that i don’t love madam

but when arthurs done with me he can keep her

ill go back to being alone like i always am

i really wish i could end it all right now without causing my family pain

i haven’t forgotten about my “friends”

which the two most important ones arthur says their fake

but i miss them

i miss them so bad

i need to talk to them more

I know buddy has her mental problems but that doesn’t mean she’s faking

she’s going through a tough time and for the first time in a long ass time she didn’t have me to call and stay on the phone for hours

or with jade

we talked everyday

and now look at us

she doesn’t wan t to be my friend anymore

after All we’ve been through

after all we’ve talked about and experienced together

she’s pissed

cause i went MIA in the time she needed me the most

but this summer didn’t count ( to me at least)

its been a difficult summer and so far a difficult fall

this summer around my birthday, i just completely shut down

I’ve been going through shit too

but i don’t tell anyone

and I’m not going to try either

whats the point?

if i tell my mother, it’ll just make her sadder

i wasn’t there for jade, so why do i expect her to be there for me

and Buddy, i honestly can’t think of a good reason not to tell her. i know she’ll hear me and she’ll definitely understand

but what if she doesn’t

skyway was always me and jades plan

buddy and i were planning on doing a road trip of a life time filled with sights seeing and intense partying

and then we’d overdose together

and actually overdose his time

how much molly is too much?

i bet dying from an overdose of molly is a strangely intense feeling

but dying from an overdose of molly when on about at least 50 abs of acid. Maybe a whole sheet

sounds like id fry my brain

so if i miraculously survive i will be too braindead to even live and ill authorize buddy to pull the plug

cause when this happens i won’t have my mother around, She’ll already be in heaven

hopefully she’s forgotten all about me and she can rejoice in heaven with my grandma forever

i am already dead

my life: useless

the person i called my soulmate: i am not enough for him, i stress hiM out, i give him headaches. I don’t look good enough, i don’t do enough around the house, I’m lazy asf

HE WILL ALWAYS FIND SOMETHING WRONG BECAUSE I AM NOT WHAT HE WANTS

he’s still stuck on his ex’s

well they can have him cause I’m not going to keep anyone that doesn’t want to be kept

you know what this looks like? my suicide note

cause ima definitely leave a note. I can’t leave without saying my last words.

and fuck them if they listen to it or not thats on their soul

not mine

incase in the future when/if i do this and I’m too out of it to write letters, I’m going to leave this here. is not like arthur is going to read it. its too long for him too care this much and sit-down and read the whole thing. I’m sure in his mind it’ll be not worth the headache

so i will have some final statements that i think will forever ring true:

To whom it may concern,

im done. Its over. i really did my best to give it the good ole college try, but i can’t anymore. To whomever feels like they should blame yourself; please don’t, Because my mind has been made up, and nothing can change it except the lord himself. Don’t think “well maybe if i texted more/called more/ tried to be more in her life then maybe…. “ its all bullshit. you guys don’t need me in your life. you’ll find better companions, hopefully companions that will be good enough for you.

Jade: i will always love you because you are my best friend. All that time we spent together really helped me become who i was. You’re smart, crafty, beautiful and i know the world is going to want to destroy you in every way possible. be strong, stronger than i was. Cause you deserve the life you want/ With a husband that you’re completely in love with and he loves you back even more. And that he has a six figure job so he can spoil you with everything you desire, and that your kids may grow and prosper. You deserve your jerry, niklous is a dead dream cause you longer want me apart of your life. But thats ok, everyone says friends grow apart but you’ll always be my best friend. So even if I’m not in your life, you’ll always be in mine.

Buddy: my little sensitive sushi. we’ve been best friends forever. You’re one the purest souls. You’re honest, you always keep it real, (lol at least to me) I could never lie to you. And i really haven’t. You just want you to be free, to be happy. Fuck the money, fuc all this other shit. You jus want genuine happiness and love, and i really hope you find it. And i really hope you tell her kids about their tia krystal and that she would have loved them so much, she would have damn been their second mother. buddy i love you and you’re too amazing for this world. Yes, i know you have mental problems but that doesn’t make you any less of a person and it for sure do not mean you’re broken. It doesn’t even make you a bad person. if you haven’t been able to get the pills you need/ or if you don’t want to take them. it’ll all be ok cause those who really love you understand and will see past your brain malfunctioning sometimes. You deserve everything you want in life, and i hope you get it. You have my word and scouts honor that my spirit will try EVERYTHING in its power to come contact you. So don’t be scared if you feel a presence just confirm its me. and if i survive this attempt, bring my aunt the pastor to pray over me. Because i give you the power to tell the doctors to pull the cord, so after my aunts done, please make the right decision.

Payton: I fucking love you, and appreciate you so much. I wish could’ve spoiled you with everything because without you i would no have made it through tay or driving up to providence. You’ve been though so much already, i really don’t want you to be sad over this. Please live your best life to its full extent because the world needs you. You’re the ultimate mom friend, and if you ever have kids (or adopt some) I know you’ll be the biggest blessing in their life and the best soccer mom EVER.

Natalie & Isai: Im sorry to join you into one, but you both have been there for me through childish shit. But in the end both of you remained my real friends. natalie made my elementary school days fun and isai made middle school not horrible. I remember our little big squad. I remember angel, marco, that partially sociopathic girl, brittany, stephanie, lester and all the dumb shit we did. I remember feeling guilty for giving that poor teacher a heart attack. I’m getting off topic, that was always my problem, i could never focus on my tasks at hand. but i do love you both, and hope you both can handle everything life is going to through at you.

A.: I loved you. i loved you so completely that i lost myself in you. I didn’t do anything without you and i didn’t want to. but no matter how much i loved you, you didn’t see it. You didn’t recognize that I was putting my whole heart into what we had. I was trying so hard and its like it didn’t even matter,

I think that we fell in love because we were both hurt and needed someone . No matter how much you said you did, but you didn’t love me like i loved you. You were always more than enough for me, it even felt like i didn’t deserve you. but don’t blame yourself for my decision. It was a long time coming. Arthur, i hope you find someone that will be enough for you. The woman of your dreams, that you can actually see the love she gives you. She’s prolly african, she’ll cook all your favorite shit. Your family will love her and your kids will carry down the strong blood of your family. Thank you for trying to help me even though i’m clearly not your soulmate. But don’t blame yourself for this decision, take the best care of madam. Thats all i ask. Don’t give her away or sell her. And i wish dogs could read or understand because she’ll never get why she’ll never see me again. But thank you for the love you showed and just know that i won’t love anyone else like i loved you.

and everybody please:

Don’t miss me when I’m gone because I’ve simply just moved on. my decaying diseased flesh suit was only holding my spirit back. my soul has moved on to its next step and you should too.

Signed

Krystal Liana Fortuna Febles Guevara Santos (& almost Baygboe)