#always acted so innocent but was blatantly working with the US to ensure you people stayed at war and suffered

[redvelvetwishtree]

[ethereaiin]

Reprieve | genshin impact

synopsis; you liked her. you really, really liked her. yet despite how you felt, no one else could say the same.

features; you, eula, and some mentions of amber.

[au]

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

There was something about Eula Lawrence that attracted attention no matter where she went. Maybe it was due to her outstanding work within the Knights of Favonius, or her undeniable beauty. You weren’t sure, all you knew was you were as taken with her as just about everyone else.

Except, they. . . didn’t exactly share the same thoughts about her as you did.

People were wary of her. You could tell from the way they whispered behind her back as she passed and how they refused to meet her gaze as if looking her in the eyes would curse their very being. They sneered in her direction, spewing words you would never dare to repeat and you’ve even seen vendors refuse her service. To the people of Mondstadt, she was never seen as a good person.

It was quite obvious what the reason for their behavior was. Being a native to Mondstadt yourself, you were privy to that knowledge, yet you didn’t really understand why those around you continued to be blinded by the past. Most were afraid the aristocracy would once again rise in power, yet you never saw that as justification for the terrible way they treated her. The Lawrence name had done well enough to paint her in the worst light from the day she was born. But to you, Eula resembled nothing of the old Lawrence clan or even her brazen uncle. She was different, you were sure of it.

You only wished everyone else could see her the way you did.

Amber was the one who first introduced her to you. While she was reserved and distant in the beginning, your persistence in sticking by her side through the years slowly opened her up to you. After sharing countless conversations with Eula, you could see how her words could be mistaken for mild threats and paired along with her cold tone; you could understand how she became a person to be feared. Still, you never thought of her any differently. There was hidden meaning in everything she said and while most people would have taken her words of having ‘vengeance’ at face value, you instead found it amusing. Your constant giggling caused you to become one of the many people who crossed her, yet she never asked you to stop nor did she seem as if she were seriously irritated. Instead, she brought you gifts and took you on outings as an odd way to prepare you for her coming revenge. Though you were never sure what said vengeance would entail. What you did know, however, was that she was unbelievably kind. Even if she would never admit it herself, you knew it for a fact.

Eula was a strong girl. Both physically and mentally, she was well fortified. You knew the things the people of Mondstadt said to her never once affected her nor did it crumble her resolve to prove them wrong. Their scorn and attempts to tear her down were met with a promise of revenge and an icy look that completely differed from the insincere threats she’d given you. She would do anything within her power to become the very thing her family hated and it was proven by how fast she was rising through the ranks within the knights. Seeing how dedicated she was made you want to support her and along with Amber, you did your best to improve her image within the city.

You wanted the world to know just how good Eula Lawrence was. Her every achievement was proudly spoken by you to anyone willing to listen and you did your best to convince others to give her a chance. Though you were not as well known as Amber, your family name carried a bit of weight among the people to at least make them reconsider their prejudices against Eula. You wanted nothing more than for the city she grew up in to finally feel like a place she could call home. It was your one wish and, among many things, something you felt you greatly owed her. The numerous gifts and friendly affection she'd shower you with were all too much to leave unpaid.

Your feelings towards her were far too vast to put into words. Nothing you could say or do would ever hope to convey all of them precisely. Even you didn’t know the exact emotion of what you felt towards her. You only knew of your desire to see her, to talk to her and be with her. It was all that mattered to you and for the longest, you were happy with just staying by her side.

Yet there was something that was always bothering you. Over the years you were witness to the great accomplishments both Eula and Amber made. In both body and mind, they became people who were strong. Strong enough to fight for what they thought was right, but most of all, strong enough to fight for themselves. But you. . . you were unchanged. You were still the same demure, polite and weak girl you always were. Too afraid to speak up for yourself and too afraid of change. It made you feel utterly helpless and in comparison to them, you felt ashamed.

“Stop seeing that girl.”

Your father’s words felt more weighted than they should have been. Under that single demand, you felt crushed and it was enough to halt the beat of your heart for a second. You stopped what you were doing, the half embroidered handkerchief hung from one hand while the other held a string of white thread and needle. You were halfway finished with your newest present to Eula until he barged in your room looking as if he were about ready to snap something in half. You didn’t think he cared about you. He never seemed to have before. Yet all of the sudden he’s making demands of you as if he hadn’t ignored your very existence up until this moment. If it weren’t for your knowledge of how short-tempered your father was, you would have already retaliated with a snap of your own. Though that would have only ended with you earning yet another bruise to cover up. When you finally regained your composure, you glanced up at him after placing Eula’s unfinished gift atop the table before you.

“Who?” You blinked, your expression feigning ignorance. “Amber?”

You knew your acting could only get you so far, but you hoped it would be enough to fool him. Yet, despite your best efforts, you could see he was not at all convinced. The middle of his brow twitched, creasing deeply as his nerves were already beginning to give way. You could see his anger. It was apparent on his aged face which turned redder with each passing second. For some reason, unknown to you, he never did have an ounce of patience to spare you. Every remark that even sounded like a disagreement to what he asked of you was either met with a rough slap to the cheek or, if you were lucky, a day locked in your room without dinner. He was especially sensitive when it came to his work and this, you figured, must have had something to do with it. Your blatantly open support of Eula must have reached him by now and you could only guess that it was beginning to hinder the family business. The Lawrence's, after all, was a cursed family. The fallen remnants of what remained of the aristocracy that no one in Mondstadt wanted anything to do with.

As soon as the wrong girl’s name left your lips, you weren’t even given time to prepare yourself before you were sent hurdling out of your seat with a newly bruised cheek. From your place on the ground, you warily stared up at him with a hand cradling your hot and painfully throbbing face. You were somewhat used to this, yet no matter how many times you experienced his rage, you could never get used to the pain. Tears glossed over your eyes and gathered at the corners. You could feel them streaking down the apples of your cheeks and, on the side he hit, meeting with the tips of your fingers. He looked down at you with irritation as if the mere sight of your crying form was enough to set him off once more. You were well aware you were nothing but a nuisance to him. He voiced it often enough to you.

“Don’t act innocent,” He spits, eyes narrowing and jaw clenched. “I raised you better than that.” A bold lie that would have had you laughing if not for your immense pain. “The Lawrence’s are no good. If you go see that girl again, don’t bother coming home.”

He left just as quickly as he came. He spared you no further glance as he slammed the door of your room close before clicking it locked. You seemed to have hit the jackpot with getting both of his favorite punishments in one go. Not only had left you injured, but he’d also ensure you wouldn’t go running off behind his back. Your hand fell from your cheek as the painful throbbing died into a buzzing numbness. The silent tears that rolled down your cheeks had done little to truly encompass the pain you felt.  At one point in your life, you wanted nothing more than that man’s affection. But that was long in the past and as the years rolled by, he'd done nothing for you other than present bruises for you to hide and humiliation you were meant to take without protest. He was a terrible man who saw you as nothing more than the reason for the death of his beloved person. Somewhere down the line, maybe even he had forgotten, that your mother was just as precious to you as she was to him.

Leaving this place wouldn’t be so hard for you as he may have thought. Even if he had merely said it as a threat and meant nothing by it, you took it to heart. This house was rarely ever a true home to you and you often felt more welcome outside among your friends than you ever did here. The choice he presented to you wasn’t difficult, nor did you find yourself doubting your decision. There was no way you would ever choose a man who’d never shown you kindness over Eula who undoubtedly cared for you, albeit in the most peculiar way unique only to her.

This was finally your chance to leave and you’d gladly take it without hesitation. Although you knew you could never truly escape your father within the walls of Mondstadt. You needed to get farther away from him. Liyue was the only other place you could go that could grant you that wish whilst allowing you to stay somewhat in contact with your friends. The trip would be long and arduous and most of all it required money. While you had a little from the various jobs you took on, you were almost positive you could gain the rest from selling the small amount of jewelry you possessed. They were precious things to you. The various jeweled necklaces, bracelets, and the single portrait being personal belongings of your mother that your father would have never let you near.

It was only by chance that you were able to snag them while he was away on business and since then you had them tucked away in a small velvet bag hidden under your mattress. You’d rarely ever taken them out, only glancing at them when you missed her the most. The portrait of her was old, the color almost fading completely, yet it was enough for you. Your father never kept pictures of her. All of them were stashed away somewhere deep within the house where you weren’t allowed to go. If it weren’t for you finding the small bag of jewelry and what could have been her last picture, you would have forgotten what she looked like. You were young when she died, barely the age of six, yet you could still loosely remember some things about her. Mainly it was her smile you could recall. You remembered it to be tender and filled with warmth. It was the by-product of her love for you and since her untimely passing, you've yearned to see it again.  

Your mother, the kind person you hazily remembered her as wouldn’t have wanted you to continue living like this.

Packing was easy enough. You barely had any belongings to your name and most of everything was able to snugly fit into one bag. The last thing you needed was the jewelry, which you securely placed inside your coat, and you were ready to set off towards what you could only hope to be a better life. As you neared the window of your room, the tips of your fingers pressed against the pane, you glanced behind you at your room once more. While you possessed no good memories of this place, its image would never leave you. It was the room you grew up in and a place you could not so easily forget. You were really going to abandon everything, leaving behind everyone who ever cared for you without so much as a goodbye. The thought of doing so made you feel heavy with shame, but you knew you just didn’t have the time. At any moment your father could walk through your bedroom door and catch you mid-escape. If he did, you knew you’d never get a chance like this again.

Your gaze dropped, landing on the table in your room. The unfinished handkerchief you were making for Eula still lay on its surface and it served to remind you of just what you were giving up by running away. Your friends would undoubtedly be hurt from your sudden disappearance and maybe even Eula would come to hate you, thinking you were no different from those that openly mocked her. You never wished for her to think of you as such, but for now, it was alright. You could deal with that if it meant that she would forget about you faster. You never wanted to become a burden to her, nor did you want to hinder the great progress she made towards her goal. You just only wished there was something you could remember her by.

You stepped away from the window for a second, hastily grabbing the handkerchief and the spool of thread and needle that was attached to it before stuffing it into the pocket of your coat. Finishing it would be enough for you. Even if that meant you were never going to be able to give it to her like you wanted to.

Once you finally left your house, it was already past sunset. It was around this time that you knew Eula would be getting out of training for the day and you’d made sure to avoid the usual path she took towards her home. There were days you used to meet her at the central fountain for dinner or even at the doors of the knight’s headquarters. Today you were meant to do the latter. Never once had you not shown up for your promised outings with her and today would be your first and last offense. You just hoped she wouldn’t hold it too much against you.

The central marketplace wasn’t bustling with as many people as it had during midday. The crowds were thinning and some vendors were already packing up their stalls for the day. You were greeted by some of the people you knew, many of them blatantly staring at the large bandage on your cheek yet never asking what the cause of it was. They mainly bid you a good day and even sent you off with some gifts. As you bit into one of the apples given to you, you had a feeling they might have already known what kind of person your father was. Maybe you were not as good at hiding your injuries as you thought. Or was he just not good at hiding his hate for you?

Nighttime was close to falling upon you. The sky shifted from its orange hue into deep indigo and the stars were beginning to poke through to shine in all their glory. The main gate to Mondstadt stood in front of you, towering over you in height and your sudden smallness in comparison almost intimidated you. You really were leaving. That might have been your original goal, yet it hadn’t truly sunk in until the moment you were standing before the city's massive gates. You’ve been outside of Mondstadt on numerous occasions, but never with the intent of leaving forever. Your chest felt heavy with a mixture of various emotions and your eyes burned with unshed tears.

There was a part of you that wished to turn back and just bear with your father’s presence like you had for all these years. This part of you was scared. Fearful of what lies beyond the safety of the walls surrounding Mondstadt and afraid of taking the first step to true freedom. Here, you would never become anything more than a prisoner to the unjust guilt of your mother’s death. You would never gain the happiness you truly desired, nor would you ever become the person strong enough to stand by Eula’s side. You wanted nothing more than to be different and staying here would not allow you that freedom to grow.

You steeled yourself, hands clutching tightly at the strap of your bag as you continued on towards the main gates. You had no plans of stopping any longer, nor did you allow yourself even a second of hesitation. Now was the time to go. Now was your very last cha-

“[Name]?”

With widened eyes, your head whipped in the direction of the familiar voice. Standing just a few feet away from you was Eula. She looked at you with momentary confusion, her expression mellowing out as she eyed both the packed bag resting at your hip and the bandage on your face.

“E-Eula. . .” You muttered as she stepped closer towards you. One of your hands, unconsciously delving towards the flap of your bag as if to prevent her from seeing what was inside. “What are you doing here?”

“Is that what you’re going to say to me?” She asks with crossed arms and a stern expression. From the look of her face, you already knew what she was going to say. “You have a lot of nerve standing me up when you were the one who wanted to meet today. . .”

You weren’t really expecting her to show up at this moment, not when you initially thought she’d go home rather than look for you. Yet, here she stood. In front of you with a creased brow and a rather childish pout on her lips that would have normally made you laugh if not for the current circumstances.

“Sorry,” You apologized, your hands relaxing at your side now that the initial surprise dispersed. “I kinda got into it with my father. . .” You laughed a bit to ease your own nerves as one of your hands anxiously rubbed at the cloth bandage on your cheek. You knew your injury could never escape her. It was far too big for you to hide this time. “But don’t worry, I’m fine!”

You did your best to place the most assuring smile on your face as you looked back up to her. But she didn’t look all too convinced. Instead, her eyes conveyed something far different than what you were used to seeing from her. Her expression was soft. Far too soft for someone who was never forward with feelings that pertained to herself. She was worried for you.

“Where are you going?” Her tone too was so soft and gentle. As if she were afraid you were going to run away the moment she raised her voice. The crease in her brow returned and you realized she finally understood what your intentions were. You knew it would only be a matter of time until it all clicked into place for her, but you hoped you would have been out the city gates and halfway to Liyue by then.

She reached for your hand that hovered over your injured cheek, tenderly cradling it in her gloved one as she held onto you. This was her way of keeping you from going anywhere, you knew her touch might have meant nothing to her, but it made your heart feel as if it were going to burst. You felt trapped by her gaze and you attempted to formulate something to say or an excuse to give. Eula was not good for you right now. She made you hesitate. She made you want to stay.

But you couldn’t. Not anymore.

“Out.” You finally answered, stepping away from her and pulling your hand from her gentle hold. Your feigned smile returned to your lips. “But only for a bit, I’ll be back.”

It hurt to lie to someone who was always so honest with you. Even more so when that person was Eula herself. You never wanted to say your goodbye like this and if it were up to you, you wished to have just silently disappeared from her life like you were planning. You quickly turned away from her, the flash of hurt across her face from your obvious lie was crumbling your resolve. You no longer held hesitance in your steps as you strode out of the main gates and behind you, you could hear Eula rushing to follow. At this rate, the tears that were building up were about ready to burst. She wasn’t making this parting any easier than it could have been. You suppose you only had yourself to blame. If you hadn’t liked her as much as you did, maybe she wouldn’t be so adamant in trying to stop you now.

“Wait, [name]!” She grasped your arm, halting you to a complete stop. Her expression appeared more panicked than it was once before. It was only until you were in her hold that she regained some composure. Though her face was still wrought with worry. “Let me escort you to wherever you’re going. It’s dangerous out here, especially at night. You’ll let me do that at least, won’t you?”

Your lips parted, a refusal already at the tip of your tongue but before you could decline her offer, you were interrupted by the distant shouted calls of your name. Your father knows. Eula seemed to have noticed too as she looked briefly over her shoulder before looking back at you. If her suspicions weren’t already confirmed, then your fearful expression would have sealed the deal. You were running away. Now even she knew that.

“Eula, let go.” You attempted to pull yourself away from her but her grip was tight. “Please, I need to go.”

For several moments she looked conflicted and the feeling of dread only continued to increase with the nearing proximity of the shouted calls. If your father found you now, he’d never let you go. You pulled your arm again, this time with more desperation and this seemed to have brought her out of whatever thoughts she may have been engrossed in.

“Springvale.” She utters to you and you look at her with confusion. “I’ll meet you at Springvale. Wait for me.”

Her words border a demand and plead. While she was never one to beg, her tone was desperate enough to insinuate her words were a helpless request. Although she still looks troubled and hesitant, she lets you go. You waste no time in putting a bit of distance between yourself and the gates and it was only until you were nearing the bridge that you looked back at her. She stared after you and the difference from earlier was that she appeared to be more resolved than she was previously. You didn’t know what was going through her mind, but you hoped she had no plans of dragging you back to Mondstadt.

“Midnight. I’ll only wait for you until then!” You shout towards her and turn away before she’s given the chance to respond. You don’t know if she heard you but in the end, it wouldn’t matter. You weren’t planning on waiting past the time allotted. No matter what, you were leaving.

You had never ventured this far from Mondstadt. As a person who had no training in combat or in possession of a vision, you weren’t even allowed past the bridge without either Amber or Eula accompanying you. From a young age, it was drilled into your head that there were dangerous monsters roaming the plains outside of Mondstadt’s walls and so you were fully expecting your path from the city to Springvale to be anything but peaceful. You were surprised to find it was the complete opposite. It was quite relaxing. The scenery, despite it being nighttime, was still a sight to behold. Instead of monsters and other frightening things, you were instead accompanied with only the ambiance of the evening that included the dissonant melodies of crickets and the hoots of distant owls.

Springvale was easy to navigate even without the handy map you thankfully thought to have nabbed from your father’s study months ago. While you never planned to run away at that time, it was merely your curiosity of the outside world that drove you to take it for yourself. Your coincidental foresight thankfully saved you from getting lost and ungraciously becoming a monster’s next meal. It may have been proven useless for this small detour, it was sure to help you out in the nearing future. Especially if you were bound to make the trek all the way to Liyue by yourself.

The small village of Springvale was definitely more quaint than you imagined. You heard much about it from Sara as she once told you it was mainly occupied by hunters who provided quality meat to many of Mondstadt’s restaurants, including the one she worked at. It was peaceful here. The lull of the gentle breeze swaying the surrounding trees and the sound of nearby rushing waters. It was certainly peaceful and though you wished to explore further into the village, you didn’t wish to alarm anyone of your sudden presence. Especially so late at night. Instead, you opted to seat yourself on the ground at the village’s entrance with your back against the Springvale sign. You didn’t have a chance to discuss a meeting place with Eula, so you determined this would be the easiest place to spot her.

That was if she came.

Midnight was fast approaching and from your spot on the ground, you could see the stars glittering above you brighter than they had hours ago. Among the many thoughts in your head, you couldn’t help but wonder why Eula insisted you wait for her. The expressions she showed you during that split moment you were set to leave, was different from anything you’ve ever seen before. She was always a blunt person, straightforward in all of her words, and never was one who held a single doubt in any of her decisions. You liked that part about her. You thought her honesty was refreshing. To see her look so troubled, conflicted by something you did made you curious. You could remember her pursed lips, furrowed brows, and the disheartened look in her eyes as if the realization of you leaving deeply saddened her. Were you truly that precious of a person for her to make such an expression? Was her concern for you merely out of friendship or had it meant something more? In the end, did it even matter? You were leaving and there was little to no chance you’d ever see her again. In the future, she may forget you, which might have been something you were hoping for but the thought of it still saddened you. You never wanted to be forgotten by someone you cherished.

Your gaze dropped from the sky, glancing down at your lap where your now finished handkerchief lied. You eyed the small blue and white flower embroidered near the corner of the square cloth. It was a Glaze Lilly, a flower you’ve seen in a book and one that deeply reminded you of Eula herself. Your lips curved into a smile, the tip of your finger tracing over the light blue-colored thread. You thought it was a fitting gift and even if you weren’t so sure if you were going to give it to her now, it would be enough to serve as a reminder of your time together with her. It would be a keepsake that you’d never let go of.  

Your ears perk at the sound of approaching footsteps and through the darkness of the night, you were able to see Eula perfectly. Slung across her chest was a bag filled with something you couldn’t quite see and poking over her shoulder was the handle of her weapon. She held a pensive expression on her face as she continued on the path towards Springvale and it was only when she spotted your seated form that she seemingly snapped out from whatever thoughts occupied her. You rose up to your feet to greet her, dusting off your pants before adjusting your bag to rest more comfortably against you. The handkerchief you finished embroidering was now tucked away in your pocket and you nervously glided your thumb against the soft cloth. You finally broke the silence the moment she stopped just in front of you.

“I didn’t think you’d come.” You admitted, your gaze holding her own for a few seconds before dropping towards the bag hanging at her side. You furrowed your brow, glancing back up at her with the question already at the tip of your tongue. “What’s that for?”

“Why wouldn’t I show up? A promise is a promise. . . even if I don’t quite understand what you’re doing.” She answers as she lies a hand on the bag on her hip. “And this? it's stuff I brought that would be useful for our trip.”

You blink at her words, silently processing them as she takes a look at your considerably lighter luggage. “It was a good thing I did because, from the looks of it, you didn’t bring much.”

“Wait- wait, what do you mean ‘our trip’? You’re coming with me?” Your tone was risen slightly, but not enough to attract attention. While you were taken off guard by her words, you were still mindful of the fact that it was quite late into the night.

Eula laughed through her nose, smiling down at you faintly as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Why do you think I kept you waiting? If it were up to me, I would have escorted you all the way over here, but you looked like you were in a rush.” When you appeared unsatisfied with her vague answer, she breathed a sigh. “I needed permission. Of course, I can’t stay with you forever, but at least I can safely take you where you want to go.”

For a moment there, you really thought that she was going to leave everything behind just to come with you. But that was a ridiculous thought. Eula was diligent in everything she did and that included her duties as a knight. She would never abandon them for selfish reasons and you could never ask her to. You smiled, your heart fluttering with the knowledge that she had already done so much for you without you even asking. She didn’t press you for answers and she didn’t ridicule you for your decision to leave. She merely wanted to help and right now, you needed that more than ever. The journey would be dangerous but with her as an escort, you were guaranteed a safe passage.

“Thank you,” You said as you turned towards the main path towards Liyue. You waited until she stepped to your side to continue. “I was in a rush so I didn’t have time to prepare much. I appreciate it a lot.”

Eula didn’t say anything for a few minutes, simply walking by your side until she finally spoke again. Her voice took on that gentle tone once more, the one you remembered briefly hearing back near Mondstadt’s gates. It always took you by surprise with how softspoken she could be.

“Can I ask why?” You knew exactly what she was referring to with that question. “Why do you want to leave Mondstadt?” You expected it and you felt you owed her at least an explanation.

“For a lot of reasons.” You smiled again, meeting her gaze for a moment before looking back at the dirt path before you. “But if I tell you them, you can’t tell Amber. They’d make her sad and Amber’s not the type of person to be sulking around.”

“I won’t.”

You glanced at her, your head tilted slightly, and your smile widened. “Promise?”

She audibly sighed, throwing you a mildly irritated look that you laughed off. “Fine, I promise.”

You looked up at the sky, clutching onto the strap of your bag for comfort. The silence of the night combined with the twinkling stars above made you feel at ease. Eula’s presence had also added to the comfort and for once your own feelings didn’t suffocate you. She, alone, brought that sense of security. “I felt like there was nothing really for me there.”

“Everyone was changing in their own ways, growing to become incredible people.” You glanced over at her, the tender smile never leaving your face. “Especially you and Amber. The two of you were getting closer toward your own goals and I. . .”

You looked away, finding the ground to be far more welcoming. Your honesty scared you, yet you didn’t dare stop telling her the truth. Eula wanted the real reason for you leaving, you couldn’t ignore it nor could you make up some excuse to give her. She deserved far better than that.

“I wasn’t changing at all.” You admitted, your smile turning bitter before fading completely. “I think I was growing too complacent with everything and after a while, I really started to hate myself.”

Eula suddenly grabbed your upper arm, halting you to a stop as she forcefully turned you towards her. While her grip on you wasn’t strong enough to be painful, you could tell it would be difficult to break away from her if you chose to do so. But you didn’t want to. She leaned into you, almost as if she were afraid losing sight of you now meant to lose you forever. You stared into her eyes, taking in the various expression of hurt, anger, and concern. Once again you found her worrying for you when she didn’t need to. Though, you could admit you did find this hidden side of her to be quite adorable.

“Why are you talking like that? If I had know-”

You stopped her by placing both of your hands on either side of her face and squishing her cheeks slightly as you grinned. You could have never imagined a time when you could touch her so freely, yet she didn’t look as if she minded nor did she avoid your touch. She merely looked at you, curious about what you were going to say. “Don’t worry so much, Eula, and let me finish. I wasn’t done explaining.”

You stepped away, hands leaving her visage, yet her grip on you never faltered. Her gloved hand slid down from your arm to join with your hand. It kept you from creating that distance you thought she might have wanted from you and the assuring squeeze you felt against your fingers told you that she too wanted you close.

You honestly felt so helpless when it came to this woman.

“I want to become someone strong.” You finally say, voicing your silent wish. It was a dream you thought impossible to attain at one point, but now that you were free from Mondstadt’s walls, you felt like anything was possible. “I want to be someone worthy to stand by both your’s and Amber’s side. But to do that, I needed to leave. It was only a coincidence that I decided to do it after fighting with my father.”

Her eyes fell to your bandaged cheek and then your joined hands before you felt her squeeze your fingers once more. “I’m sorry for letting it go on for so long. I should have done something. Anything.”

You couldn’t blame her for that. Really, you couldn’t blame anyone. Your father had his own problems to deal with, and while he remained ignorant to the hurt he caused you, there was no use in forcing him to realize his mistakes. He'd never learn. Not until he came to terms with it himself. Maybe one day you might hear an apology from him but for now, all you wanted was to forget and build yourself a new life.

“There’s no need for you to apologize. I just want to be free from the past and already, you’re helping me do that. So don’t ever, for a second, think I blame you.” You said. Then, with a cheeky smile, you added. “Besides, what kind of Lawrence seeks forgiveness from a commoner like me?”

She looked up at you, her eyes wide with surprise before a smile of her own broke out across her face. She looked as if something had dawned upon her; a realization she had yet to see until that very moment. You could never fathom what was going on in the mind of a woman as unique as her. What could have possibly caused her to make a smile a sweet as that?

You felt her fingers intertwine with your own and she pulled you closer to her, the both of your chests touching with the lack of distance. You could feel her breath against the bridge of your nose, brushing slightly against your lips. Your heart pounded heavily against your chest, so hard you thought she might have been able to feel it. You never realized just how captivating her gaze was. In her eyes, you felt as if you could get lost. From afar, you thought they were pretty but up close, they were beautiful.

“You’re right, how dare you make me bow my head.” She whispers as her face nears your own and you could feel her every word against your lips. She was slow enough in her movements to give you time to move away if you chose to, yet you didn't. You wanted to know how she felt towards you and with each passing second, you felt as if you were getting closer to that truth. Her eyes never break away from yours and you don’t move a muscle. This situation was totally new to you, yet you don’t find yourself hating it. Instead, your heart pounds even louder to the point you could hear it ringing in your ears. “For that, you must pay the ultimate price.” Along with the closing distance, your eyes fluttered shut.

Goodbyes never felt freer. Neither had they ever tasted so sweet.

[ladylouoflothlorien]

The Twelve Days of Dwarfmas - Part Seven, In Which Oin’s Ear Trumpet Stops Working.

Pairing: Dwalin x Reader Words: 3949 You can find all previous parts on my masterlist.

AN: Whaddya know, it’s been over a year since the last update of this series. Still, I told y’all I was still writing it, and here’s the next part. For a long time I’ve been experiencing a sort of all-encompassing creative block that has only recently decided to fuck off, thankfully. So, here it is, part 7 of the Twelve Days of Dwarfmas. Hopefully part 8 won’t take another year. I’m sorry to those of you who were patiently waiting for this to be updated. Does the fact that it’s nearly 4k words make up for it…? :’ >

Since fairly early on in your journey with Thorin’s company, you’d been enjoying your private talks with Dwalin. It wasn’t that you didn’t also enjoy talking with the other dwarves (and the one hobbit) but there was something special about the times when you got to talk to the gruff warrior alone. It felt more special that he was willing to open up about his life more and more when it was only the two of you talking. Part of you wondered if he didn’t talk about that stuff in front of the other dwarves because they already knew him, and therefore might already know about his life story, but the other dwarves had no qualms sharing such stories, even when their respective family members groaned about hearing a story they had clearly been forced to listen to countless times. You wanted to return this honour – well you felt like it was an honour, even though you knew Dwalin wasn’t telling you anything to ‘honour you’ but simply because he wanted to – and so you’d told Dwalin some more personal stories and memories of yours that you hadn’t felt comfortable sharing to the entirety of the company. The two of you had talked privately so many times that you’d almost run out of interesting memories to speak of, but by no means had you run out of conversation topics. There was always something to talk about. Heck, you’d even learnt about proper weapon care from him at one point, though you were certain none of the other dwarves would have made such a dry topic seem so interesting.  

At first, you had been surprised by how few Dwarves had paid attention to – or had even noticed – your special, private conversations with the burly dwarf, but after a while you’d decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth and just accept the privacy that came with their lack of attention. Recently, however, some of the Dwarrow in the company had started to notice. What was worse, some of them were starting to become nosy. Some of the dwarves were so blatantly un-subtle that it wasn’t too much of a nuisance, as you would just level them with a stare and they would saunter off, whistling nervously to escape your wrath by pretending they were wholly innocent though it was clear they were not. To begin with, you weren’t sure if their nosiness was affecting Dwalin the same way as it was you, but you’d soon had your answer when he’d accidentally cut himself whilst sharpening his axes because his attention had been taken up by glaring at his brother as he’d attempted to sneakily shuffle closer and closer to where you and Dwalin had been sitting.

Surprisingly, among the most nosy was Oin. He was also the most difficult to deal with, as you were so used to him not being able to hear things very well. He would come and position himself close to  you and Dwalin – but not too close so as to arouse your suspicion – and he wouldn’t have his ear trumpet. Without his ear trumpet, he wasn’t a ‘threat’ to your privacy, and so you wouldn’t pay too much attention to his being there, only for you to look over a few minutes later and see that his ear trumpet had magically appeared and you had no clue as to exactly how long he’d been listening. This had happened a few times, to the point where you’d actually be suspicious of him sitting down even without his ear trumpet. Once, he’d sat down near to you and you’d told him point blank to get back up and stop intruding, but he’d merely gestured over to where the two young princes appeared to be throwing his ear trumpet back and forth to each other, so you’d just narrowed your eyes and him and returned to your conversation with Dwalin. You’d looked over at him every few minutes, and he’d happily been sitting without his trumpet, so you’d stopped paying attention to him. Then you’d looked back about half an hour later only to see the grey dwarf sitting there with his ear trumpet and a very smug look on his face. You’d almost thrown grasper at him, but in the time it had taken for you to heft the bloody thing off the ground, Oin had already made good his escape. What you didn���t realise was that Oin had been asked by Balin specifically if he could try to find out what you and Dwalin had been saying to each other.

A few days after the final conversation that Oin had managed to successfully spy on – in which you’d remembered a particularly embarrassing wedding you’d attended and were regaling Dwalin with all the particulars, including all the mistakes that had caused the event to go so disastrously – Balin had come to talk to you whilst the company was on the move. Dwalin had been up front walking with Thorin, who had needed to talk to him about something or other, and you’d been walking happily by yourself when you’d been accosted by the white-bearded dwarf.

“Eh.. so lassie..” He’d began, not entirely sure how to bring up what he wanted to talk about, but you were unsuspecting and happy enough to talk with him.

“Hiya Balin, enjoying this lovely hike we’re having today?” You were being sarcastic. The path the company had been following that day had been far from easy, and though it wasn’t currently raining, it had in the night and the ground was slick and muddy.

He smiled at you in that kindly way that made you feel as though he was truly meant to be a grandfather, and humoured your sarcasm with a little of his own, but then he opened his mouth again and asked something you really hadn’t been expecting.

“So lassie..” He began again, but this time he knew how to follow through.

“White is the traditional colour for your people to wear on their wedding day?”

His question held a tone of underlying concern. White was a funeral colour for dwarves, to wear white on your wedding day was unheard of and would be considered in very poor taste. There was, after all, a certain hypothetical wedding day that Balin had in mind and he wanted to make sure every detail would be perfect.

At first, the oddness of his question caught you off guard and you didn’t stop to wonder how on earth he had known that white was traditional for your people. Still, you began to answer his question enthusiastically as you often did when he had questions about your people, as he seemed to be truly interested in your culture.

“Oh yeah, white is the traditional colour for my people at least. It’s got something to do with purity of the bride, but honestly more and more people are ignoring that because, first of all, gross, but also because white clothing is all kinds of impractical. I quite like red, if I’m honest-“  

Balin’s face seemed to perk up when he heard the colour red, and that was when you realised he shouldn’t have known about your traditional colour in the first place.    “Hang on, how’d you know about white dresses?” At first you were just confused, but then you saw Balin’s eyes – in spite of his best efforts – flick over to Oin.    “Oh… OH….” Your eyes widened in understanding and then narrowed.    “An informant. I see. Well, he will learn better than to cross me.”    You said, dramatically rubbing your hands together. Balin looked over at Oin again, who was blissfully unaware, and he silently hoped that the dwarf would forgive him for whatever punishment you brought.

-

That night you went and plopped yourself down against Dwalin’s side, giving stink-eye to anyone who tried to get close.    “So guess what?”    “Wha’ lass?” He grumbled out, feeling sore and tired, but still pleased that you would choose to sit next to him first out of anyone.    “Balin has an informant.” You huffed, tilting your head to the side until it knocked against Dwalin’s metal-clad shoulder. He didn’t reply, but you’d gotten so used to him that you could tell what was a silence that said ‘I don’t care’ and a silence that was more inquisitive.    “Oin’s been snitching everything he’s heard us talking about to Balin. Today he started asking me about traditional wedding colours and there’s no other way he could’ve found out.”    Beside you, Dwalin suddenly shifted, grunting under his breath and you had to act quickly to tug him down before he managed to stand up. He looked sharply at you, and you saw in his face just how angry this news had made him.    “S’no right lass. Not honourable.” He was fairly growling around the last words, and you understood. Still you smiled at him, but in your eyes he saw a fierce glint that made him pause.    “You’re right Dwalin, it’s not… but let me take care of this. I have an idea.” Dwalin was more than happy to concede to your superior experience in ‘punishing’ members of the company.

-

The next day you wanted time to think as you walked, and you told Dwalin as much. Dwalin, in turn, made it his self-appointed duty to stop anyone from attempting to talk to you as you walked along brainstorming ideas and humming to yourself. It was Oin you were going to punish. To be sure, Balin was a meddlesome little fiend, but Oin needed to be taught that there were consequences to crossing the great prank master of the Company of Thorin Oakenshield. It was not a prank you had great trouble coming up with. Oin had managed to gain his information by using his ear trumpet, and so you would teach the old dwarf a lesson by ensuring that the instrument did not work. You weren’t going to be totally cruel – you had no intention of permanently destroying it or throwing it away so that he could never find it again. What you were going to do, however, was render it temporarily useless. You’d already witnessed Oin himself do something similar when the company had stopped for a time in Rivendell. Clearly the elvish music hadn’t agreed with him, and you’d been witness to him stuffing the open end of his ear trumpet with a cloth.    Well, stuffing the open end of his ear trumpet with a cloth had clearly proven effective on that occasion, but your plan could hardly be so simplistic. It would take the dwarf far too short a time to notice the problem and rectify it if that was all you did. No, you would have to find some way of blocking the trumpet from the narrow end, so that the blockage was not so obvious. The only issue was, what on earth could you use? Travelling with the dwarves in the wilderness meant that materials were not exactly easy to come by, and you didn’t think you could just use leaves or dirt as they would most likely fall out. You’d seen a few things in Oin’s medical kit that might’ve done the trick, but you didn’t think it fair to use materials that belonged to Oin in a prank against himself. On top of that, you didn’t want to use anything medical in case someone got injured and then there wasn’t enough to treat them because you’d already used it for something foolish.    Your answer came that evening.    It hadn’t rained that day when the Company was moving, and everyone was in unusually high spirits. It was then that Bofur reached into his coat and produced a bottle that, quite frankly, you had no idea where he’d been hiding. A great cheer had gone up around the company, and after a brief glance at Thorin, who had nodded to allow the ‘festivities’ to continue, Bofur popped open the bottle. Time seemed to slow down as your eyes focused in on the cork as it was tossed aside, and when no one was watching, you scurried over and pocketed it. It was perfect. You only needed a chance to carve it into the right shape and a chance to push it tightly into the small end of the ear trumpet.

-

It wasn’t difficult for you to bide your time and wait until you were on watch one night to carve down the cork. Oin, thankfully, didn’t cling on to his ear trumpet as some of the dwarves were wont to do with their more important items - he wasn’t all that paranoid about someone trying to steal it, although with you on the quest, maybe he should’ve been. You’d snatched the ear trumpet from where he’d placed it in his pack for the night, and settled against a tree to get comfortable as you got to work.    It was slow going, as you couldn’t devote all your attention to it. You were on watch, after all, and Azog was out there somewhere. You couldn’t afford to lose too much awareness of the surrounding area and allow an orc pack to sneak up on the company. Still, you finished the painstaking process of shaving tiny bits off the cork until you could fit it inside the skinny end of the trumpet. You’d gotten a thin stick to help push it inside, and made sure it was far enough inside that it couldn’t be easily seen. Finally, you’d grasped the trumpet firmly and given it a wild shaking to make sure it wouldn’t come flying out. It didn’t, thankfully, for you realised after you’d finished that course of action that if it had decided to go flying, you probably wouldn’t have found it again.    Your task completed, you returned the ear trumpet where you’d found it. Gloin was on watch next, and he was surprisingly good at waking up for his shifts without prompting, and you weren’t entirely sure what he’d do if he caught you fiddling with his brother’s trumpet. Ahem. You’d taken so long getting the prank set up, that you hadn’t noticed just how close it was to the end of your watch, and not 10 minutes after you’d replaced Oin’s ear trumpet, the sound of Gloin’s snoring had abruptly cut off. It was surprising that, despite the fact that all of them snored, they all seemed to have very distinct snores that you’d learned to tell apart over the many nights you’d spent in their fine company. Gloin rolled over gracelessly, grunting, and sat up.    When he caught your eyes, you’d smiled at him, and he’d nodded at you in greeting. You’d learned that many of the dwarves were far from what you’d call talkative right after waking up. Satisfied that everything had gone off without a hitch, you slunk back to your bedroll and went to sleep.

-

You woke to a beautiful morning chorus… of dwarves yelling at each other. Groaning, you attempted to block out the sound with your blanket, but it was a fruitless endeavour. After a moment, you sat and turned to your nearest companion, who happened to be Gandalf.    “So, what’s got their braids in a twist, hm?”    The old wizard chuckled around his pipe – wasn’t it a little early for that? Well, you supposed he was certainly old enough to make those kinds of decisions for himself.    “It appears there was some confusion earlier over who’s breakfast was who’s. Though, the current shouting match came from some difficulty surrounding Oin’s ear trumpet. It seems he feels as though the others were talking quietly to mock him, which he is not very happy about. The others were merely tired of repeating themselves multiple times and still being accused of trying to cause offence.” There was a pause as Gandalf took a slow drag of his pipe, and seemingly for your benefit alone he breathed out the smoke into the shape of a ship that flew away on the wind before disappearing.    “Very impressive.” You said, dryly, though you were smiling. Gandalf looked at you out of the corner of his eye, observing you closely when he spoke again. “You wouldn’t have anything to do with this morning’s troubles, would you my dear?” You sat up straight suddenly, gasping as dramatically as you could and placing a hand on your heart in what you hoped was an overly-earnest looking pose.    “Gandalf, Gandalf, Gandalf, how on earth could you suspect me of such a thing?” He said nothing, but looked at you with an amused twinkle.    “Well, I’m sure you know what you’re doing.” You lowered your voice conspiratorially and leaned in close to him.    “Of course I do. It is his punishment, after all.”    “Ah.”    Gandalf nodded and tapped the side of his nose with the thin end of his pipe, pleased to be let in on the situation. He did so like to be informed the old dear. In moments like this, you could almost imagine he truly was nothing more than the kindly grandfather figure he presented himself as, but you knew better.

-

The day did not go smoothly. Not half an hour after the company had set out that morning, it began to rain, and rain heavily. This did nothing to help the moods of those travelling. There were many little squabbles and disagreements as it was from their collectively surly mood, and these arguments were only heightened in number by the tampered-with ear trumpet. With Oin hearing some sentences and half-hearing others – and then repeating what he thought he had heard aloud – there were many instances where a quarrel had almost burned itself out, only to be reignited. You almost felt guilty, but you forced that feeling away with fierce resolve. A punishment was not something to feel guilty about giving, because to deserve a punishment you had to do something to earn it, and Oin had certainly done that. Privacy was an important thing, after all, and you thought Dwarrow of all people would understand that.    The rain didn’t let up, and a few hours later the company came across a place where they should have been able to cross a small river. They could not. The heavy rain that had fallen had swelled the river and it was running far too fast to be safe to cross. The Company would have to wait beside the river till it was. To make matters worse, within sight of where the company were standing – completely without cover from the rain – there was what appeared to be a large, dry cave. Bliss, and utterly out of reach.    The company gathered themselves in a vaguely circle-like shape a little distance away from the rushing river and began to settle down for the night. One of the dwarves wondered aloud if the rain would stop any time soon, and another said that they thought it might. There was a general, grumbled consensus to wait a few hours to see if the rain would let up before trying to eat anything, in the hopes of getting a fire lit and something warm into their stomachs. You plopped yourself down beside Dwalin, trying to ignore the way the ground practically squelched underneath you, and prayed fervently to any deity you could think of for the rain to bugger off.

-

It took the better part of an hour but the rain did, eventually, bugger off. When the Company realised they were no longer being pelted by tiny, freezing droplets from hell a cheer rose and their collective mood immediately brightened. Dori and Gloin set about lighting a fire from a pile of woefully damp wood, but luckily enough one of the company had saved some kindling from a previous evening for just such an occasion as this, and the kindling was bone dry. It caught instantly and held a flame just long enough for the rest of the wood to catch, and suddenly the company had heat.    Half an hour later, everyone was considerably dryer, fuller, and happier. You weren’t going to be on watch that night, and so you’d taken the liberty of setting up your bedroll early to get as much rest as possible. You weren’t necessarily trying to fall asleep, but you were cosy and snuggled – as much as it was possible to be outside – and if you did happen to fall asleep then and there you weren’t going to be mad about it, no sir. Across the fire from you, you sleepily observed what looked like a playful argument between Oin, Bofur and Nori, but as your eyelids grew heavier you found it harder and harder to pay attention to anything that was going on. Before you knew it, sleep had taken you, and made you completely oblivious to your surroundings. Across the fire, the somewhat friendly argument between the three dwarves had taken a turn to discuss Oin’s part in the previous quarrels of the day.    “What is this trumpet even for if you’re not going to use it?”    Nori quipped, and on the other side of Oin, Bofur managed to get his cup of water up to said trumpet before the grey dwarf could react. He tipped the contents down the wide end of the trumpet, and it was all Oin could do to move it away from his ear before the liquid came shooting through. Except, it didn’t. The three dwarves paused and peered at the water sloshing around in the top of the trumpet, and then looked at each other in confusion. Oin tipped the trumpet up to pour the water out onto the ground, and then held the thin end to his eye. Normally, even though there was a bend in it, he could still see some light through. This time however, the inside of the trumpet appeared pitch black.    Grumbling under his breath, he shuffled and twisted around where he was sat till he found a twig, and once he did he poked it into his ear trumpet. It caught on something and he pushed at it until it gave, and the old dwarf let out a cry of triumph when the offending object popped out of the other end of the trumpet and fell to the ground. Oin stooped to pick it up and held it towards the campfire to see what it was. A carved piece of cork? He’d been pranked!? There was only one person who could be behind this. You.    Oin stomped over to where you were lying, not caring one jot that you were asleep. He almost reached you when all of a sudden his way was barred by a broad chest, and he looked up into the scowling face of Dwalin.    “I would suggest ye’ dinnae wake the lass up.”    Oin, red faced, shook the piece of cork in the tall dwarf’s face.    “Ach, out of my way Dwalin, what do you call this?” Dwalin merely crossed his arms over his chest, and though his eyes were still fierce a smirk made its way onto his lips.    “I call tha’ a fitting punishment for a spy.” The rest of the company, who had been watching the situation unfold, burst into laughter as Oin floundered, clearly having not realised the pair had figured out the true purpose of his eavesdropping. Balin led Oin away from his brother, muttering apologies to the grey dwarf, and Dwalin settled back down onto his bed roll, which he had set up beside yours.    Dwalin fell asleep to the sight of your peacefully sleeping face, and this was something that did not go unnoticed by many members of the Company. Dwarfmas tags: @sdavid09 @decadentenemyturtle @hullaabalo​ @shxrrybomb​ 

Forever Tags: @sweeticedtea​ @cd1242​ @strongandfreedc​ @pixierox101​ @jotink78​​ @luna-xial​ @underthemoon-imagines​

[fmdcandy-archive-blog]

❛ ❪ too sweet ｡

date: 03XX19-04XX19 mentioned: n/a word count: 962 trigger warning/s: mentions of mental health synopsis: how candy reminded bc she can’t be tamed. creating the concept, styling, and storyline for fantasy’s mv.

Candy had learned early on her career that people will try to control her like her mother if she doesn’t blatantly tell people what she wants. Candy isn’t the person Hwayoung wanted to be but she was the person she had to become to survive this ugly world. It was a mask wielded by the society and in time, Hwayoung was wearing the mask like an extra layer of her skin. After years of being in the industry, Candy made sure people around her knew she can’t be controlled, only to be compromised with. The more they force her to do something, the less she wants to do it. She’s unapologetic for who she is, simply because no one apologized for what they did to her. Many girl groups deal with having to act innocent and lovely for the sake of being liked by the public. 

Candy is sweet as can be but she always made sure she provided people, especially the fans, a hint of reality they wish to ignore about idols. She’s made comments about how fans shouldn’t deprive idols of dating as it pushes idols to lie more to the fans and how mental illness is a real underlying issue that idols have but most people choose to ignore it. 

The difference between Candy and the other idols is that she makes sure the people she works with know that she’s a star. 

This album wasn’t made solely under bc’s orders. Candy took part in writing, choreography, and basically finding people who were worthy of being in her album. She didn’t want what BC can simply offer. She wanted to make a point from the very beginning that she’s more than capable. For years, she’s been overlooked and turned down. BC downplayed her talents. She wants to prove to them that she was more than just visual worthy. She can sing, dance, and now she’s proving she can write a song and she has more than steady connections to get her the extra shine she wants. Her voice in the company is much louder than before. She has a number of brands under her belt and she’s got companies sending her lovecalls. The number of offers she has does ensure that she won’t be out of job for the rest of the year. For all those years that BC tried to use her only for her visuals, Candy just recently decided to use it to her advantage. It’s their fault that Candy never listens to them. 

The more they pushed her to do something she disliked, the more Candy made things difficult for BC’s staff. She’s the one who goes on stage, the one who manages her own image, and she’s the one bringing money to them. Candy walks into the meeting room with her manager, coffee at hand and glasses covering her eyes. She’s tired so she wants to get this over with. She’s part of the senior groups now. She doesn’t have to kiss anyone’s ass to please them. It’s the other way around with Candy. 

One of them finally speaks up to start the meeting. The director and the writer discuss their idea for the mv. The storyline pleased her. Visual reality is a thing that most people dive into these days and who doesn’t want a one on one moment with their idol. It does require some CG and that means she’ll be dancing with the green screen behind her. Which was fine by her. 

The stylist then takes over and discusses the plan for her MV outfits. She has an image of herself in her head already. Having discussed the theme she wants with Ash, Candy rejects their idea right away. “I don’t want to wear anything too fancy for the mv. We’re here to make the fantasy feel as real as possible.” They suggest different styles but none seems to fit her liking. “I want something laid back and comfortable. Think about it for a second. Does your lover wear formal clothes at home? No. I want to wear lingerie instead.” She tells them. The stylist looks at her, flustered as she tries to tell Candy why she shouldn’t do that and how the public could react negatively to it. The idol quickly raises an eyebrow and takes off her sunglasses. “So, you’re telling me I can’t film the MV of me dancing comfortably in my lingerie but you can put my group in swimsuits where we barely hide anything and it’s fine?” A scoff leaves her. Taking a deep breath, she chuckles. “We’ve worn lingerie for Drama before.” A few people nod in agreement with Candy’s words. She leans back on her chair then. “This song is entitled Fantasy. The lyrics suggest intimacy.” 

To get away from the topic, the stylist clears her throat and suggests Candy to dye her hair a bright red or slightly more of a pink shade, which, Candy rejects again. “Lipstick’s comeback is just around the corner and so is the tour.” She points out quickly. “I don’t want to bleach my hair and dye it into some color you like just because you find it aesthetically pleasing. No.” She firmly tells them. “One, you’re going to ruin my hair and two, you’re gonna ruin my scalp with the bleaching.” The sighs from people was an indication that she’s doing what she wants to do. Make their lives hell. “How about a wig?” Candy suggests, smiling at them. “Find me a good natural wig. Not synthetic. Didn’t you suggest I have a different hair color for this? Why let’s make it happen!” It was funny to think these people were the ones who used to scold her when she was a rookie and now she’s just ready to tear them a new problem to deal with. 

“Now, if you’ll excuse me. I’ve got another business to attend to.”

[shall-we-imagine]

Loosen up. (Bodyguard!Klaus Goldstein x Reader)

Requested: 66. "I like you. You're different." + 73. "You couldn't handle me even if I came with instructions." From the promt list.

Genre: Fluff/idk if this also counts as suggestive? Only if you're very innocent I guess? And if you're on tumblr then you probably aren't so nvm 😂

A/N: sorry for being so inactive lately I've been busy with studying and such so I generally couldn't find it in me to write so yeah :/ (I have a trial tomorrow so like idk pray for me 😂) but here I am! ヽ(゜～゜o)ノ Also yes I'm aware this isn't how Vincent acts and he's not filthy rich but for now we're gonna let it slide okay? Cool. 😂

(Second Person Point of View)

"That's when I decided it was time to buy my fifth car; I mean who attends their first day of college with the same old cars, right?" The man laughs. You suspected that if he stopped boasting for longer than 2 seconds, he'd suffocate and die. You kind of hoped to witness that.

It'd been 2 hours already, yet you weren't allowed to leave the party until your dad says you could. You'd even tried to convince your bodyguard to let you leave without your father knowing anything of the incident, but Klaus was far too strict and responsible; he'd never do such a reckless thing.

Yeah, sure, it's good for your dad to have found such a trustworthy employee, but when you've been stuck talking to these blatantly boring and arrogant people that only viewed you as a good deal to obtain more wealth, well, let's just say: it makes you sort of wish Klaus cared less.

However, that was not the case. In fact, while all bodyguards waited outside, Klaus remained inside -only a few feet away from you at any given time. He also seemed to always be giving you a look that could only be describe as the look a mother gives when you have people over, and she's daring you to mess anything up.

Now, you weren't the stereotypical bratty child that refuses to take over their parents' company. You knew your responsibility and always hoped to make them proud; you just weren't a big fan of the world surrounding all the important people in business. Therefore, it made you yearn for messing around from time to time.

Today was one of those days. You so desperately hoped Klaus would get off your back for even just a few moments, so you could escape the exhausting setting. But he continued with the angry-mother-glare; it almost seemed like he'd gotten the expression tattooed on his face after the endless times he had to get you out of trouble.

There was definitely a bright side to that extra attention, though. You suspected Klaus had a thing for you. After all, he was known to be very good at his job; he could easily quit and get a job less demanding with an equal pay or even a bigger pay if he wanted, but he didn't. He decides to stay with a teenage girl that enjoys pushing his buttons. He was professional, so he wouldn't say anything or let it show, but you had this feeling in your guts that he at least felt intrigued by you.

And, surely, you were ready to use this to your advantage.

You glance towards the blond at the corner of the room, ensuring he was still staring (threateningly, but still staring nevertheless). His eyebrow arches slightly, sensing you were about to do something dumb. You could almost hear him think God, what is it this time?!

You focus your attention back on the man whose name you'd forgotten about 2 seconds after he introduced himself.

"So, I heard you're staying at the hotel here for the entire duration of the event." You smile sweetly.

"Yeah, I am." He takes a sip out of his drink.

You begin flirtatiously twirling a strand of your hair. "Well, how about you take me to have a look upstairs?"

Startled by the unexpected implications of your request, he chokes on his drink and starts coughing. You try your best not to appear disgusted, giving him a smile when he's done with his coughing session.

Sure enough, he agrees and links your arms together, leading you towards the exit of the section the party was held in.

"Miss (Y/N)," Klaus speaks through gritted teeth. He wore a smile and kept his voice quiet, but there was no denying he was ready to scold you. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Upstairs." You smile, playing dumb.

"What do you mean up-" after losing his calm for a second, Klaus cuts himself off to take a deep breath and let it out before proceeding. "Would you please excuse us, Mr. Knight?" Klaus bows lightly before dragging you to an empty corner.

"You think just because you're leaving with a guest, I'll allow you to go?" Klaus whispers in annoyance.

"What? Are you jealous?" You wiggle an eyebrow at him, knowing well enough that wasn't the reason (well, not the main one, at least).

Lips pulled into a pained smile, Klaus glares. "Are you asking for an insult? I think you're abusing that service I provide for you a hundred times per minute."

"Come on, Klausie; loosen up." You poke his chest with your index finger. You knew the redhead -or Mr. Knight- was probably still waiting for you, but you couldn't care less. You wanted to stretch out the process of bugging Klaus as long as possible, since it was the only way to spend time with him. It was also fun watching his nose scrunch and his eyebrows furrow in such anger. He would try to mask his frustration, but it was obvious he had a short temper when it came to you. To put it nicely, he was done with your shit.

"Don't, under any circumstances, call me Klausie." He threatens. "And I don't need to loosen up; you need to stop being so careless!"

"Sure." Rolling your eyes, you step away from him.

Before you could take two full steps, Klaus had already grabbed your arm. "Going somewhere?"

You pull your hand away. "The bathroom. Am I not allowed to answer the call of nature either?" You raise an eyebrow questioningly.

"Touché." He raises his hands in defeat, but once you begin walking away, he follows.

"Where are you going?"

"Just ensuring you don't get any funny ideas." He shrugs.

Huffing, you decide to ignore him. Thankfully, he was only planning to stand near the door; it didn't seem too strange imagining Klaus walking in for "safety measures": the guy was crazy when it came to his job.

"Man, another pretty dress gone to waste." You sigh, looking into the mirror. The sparkling violet fabric clung onto your body till your waist then flowed freely, reaching to merely graze the floor. It was one of the dresses you really liked; you loved the way it showed your shoulder blades and only a portion of your back; it was sexy yet classy. The glittery purple was certainly your colour too! Alas, your dad would scold you for rewearing a dress more than he would scold you if you were to kill a person (as long as you've hidden the evidence well, that is). Murder can be covered up, but 'horrible fashion choices' cannot be hidden, according to your father. Sometimes you went against that, but most of the time, you just complied, even though it's an absolute waste of money.

"You're taking too long, you know that?" Klaus calls from outside, impatience clear in his voice.

You bite back a response when you realize there's something much better you could do. Quietly checking the stalls, you ensure you're 100% alone inside.

"Could there be a valid reason you're not responding to me?!"

Ignoring his question, you just scream in response. "Klaus! Klaus, help me!" You screech frantically.

The door bursts open, and Klaus steps inside aggressively. Before he could realize what's happening, you push him back against the door, slamming it behind him.

Smug about catching him off guard, you smirk at the taller male, whose body was closely pressed against yours. "Were you worried?" You tease.

"About losing my job? Yeah." He scoffs, turning his head away from you but not bothering to push you away.

"Why is it always about the job?" You tilt your head to meet his eyes again.

"Because I'm at work?" He states with a raised eyebrow, as if it sounded stupid for you to even ask that.

You run your hands gently over his chest; even through layers of clothing, you could still feel the firm muscles concealed by the black suit. "Well, maybe it's time for a break." You grin innocently.

"You do know you can't fool me, right?" He takes one of your hands away from him but doesn't let go of it.

Rolling your eyes, you move away from him. "I'm not fooling you; I want us to have fun! Neither one of us is enjoying this anyway." You cross your arms.

An unexpected response sparks excitement within you. "Well, what do you suggest we do?" You knew he was only being sarcastic, but it gave you a pathway for more methods to push his buttons and witness his reactions.

Closing the distance between both of you once more, you stand on the tip of your toes as you wrap your arms around the back of his neck. "Oh, I have a lot of suggestions." You whisper in his ear, feeling him flinch lightly at your suggestive remark. You could tell he was trying to hide it and pretend he wasn't phased, but you'd already noticed it, and he knew it.

"You're gonna get me fired." Cheeks slightly red, he turns his head away and gently parts your bodies from each other. "God, why is it so hard to handle you? It's like dealing with a troublemaking child."

"You couldn't handle me even if I came with instructions." You stick your tongue out at him. "Plus, father won't know anything if neither one of us told him." You point out what seemed to have escaped Klaus's perception of the situation.

"You want me to lie to your father." He laughs in disbelief.

"Mmhm, not quite. More like not telling him the full truth."

"That's exactly what lying is."

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is."

"No."

"Yes."

"Okay, stop! Fine, lie! I don't know!" You fling your arms in the air out of frustration. A novel sound catches your attention, immediately flushing away the frustration. Klaus was laughing. Not sarcastically. No, a genuine laugh was echoing across the bathroom.

"I suppose it wouldn't be the worst thing if we talk a walk for some fresh air and come back." He smiles. "Just this time though!"

An uncontrollable grin spreads across your face, and you immediately throw your arms around Klaus. "Thank you!"

"You gotta stop..doing..this.." He awkwardly pats your back, careful not to touch your bare skin.

"No promises!" You shrug, before grabbing his hand and rushing outside, making your way to the exit.

"Miss (Y/N)?" You freeze in your spot. "Where are you going?"

"Oh, um.." you stutter, not expecting to have to explain yourself to your companion from earlier.

"We got an emergency call; we'll be right back." Klaus, in his usual composed state, 'explains' to Mr. Knight.

"Ah, I see." Red head may be an idiot, but he wasn't stupid. He could tell something wasn't right, but he either chose to let it slide or he just didn't care. Regardless, you were thankful. "I'll be waiting for your return then." With a smile and a bow, he left and disappeared into the crowd.

"You'll catch a cold." Klaus states, watching you twirl and run around in the chilly October weather.

You weren't cold, or maybe you didn't dislike being cold. It wasn't the type of cold to make you unable to take a few proper steps and force you to do an awkward penguin walk; rather, it was the type of cold to merely caress your skin, decorating it with goosebumps. "Don't worry; I'm alright."

"Just take my jacket. Your back and shoulders are exposed; you must be cold." He spoke with such certainty that it almost made you rethink for a few moments about whether you actually felt cold or not.

"Are you worried or are you just intimidated by how sexy I look?" You strike a pose far from seducing.

Klaus, who had his jacket held out for you, resumed walking as he put his jacket back on. "You know, on second thought, it might be a good thing if you catch a cold and stay at home for a week or so." He passes by you, leaving you and your sexy pose alone.

"Hey! That was mean!" You catch up to him.

"Nothing new, then." He shrugs, a slight smirk forcing itself onto his pink lips.

You speed up a little then turn around to face him once you're slightly ahead of him; you remain walking, but backwards this time, allowing yourself to look at him during the conversation. "How could you be mean to such a beautiful lady?" You pout.

"What beautiful lady?" He looks around, pretending to search for something.

You let out a dramatic gasp. "How could y-" Your sentence was inconveniently cut off by your stumble; or perhaps, it was a slightly convenient situation when you think about it from a different perspective: Klaus, as sharp as usual, was able to grasp your arm, preventing you from falling.

"Uh, thanks." You breathe out, nodding slightly. Once you begin to straighten yourself up, Klaus lets go of your arm, only to watch you fall to the ground immediately after. "I think my heel broke.." you frown, staring at your left shoe, now with its heel lying a few inches away.

"You think?" Klaus earns a glare, urging him to put aside the sarcasm and help you up.

"Those were such a cute pair.." you sigh, placing your arm around Klaus's shoulder for support. Your arms were already hurting due to the height difference; it was like hanging from a cliff but not quite.

Klaus places an arm around your waist. "Well, I can buy you another one. You need another pair to get back to the party anyway."

"What if I don't?"

"Don't what? Get back to the party? That's not what we agreed on! Your father-"

You cut off his rant, "We'll get back there, and I'll call dad and inform him that my heel broke; he'd immediately allow me to leave. It's already late anyway."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

######

"Yes, Klaus, I'm sure he'd let me go home if I tell him my heel broke! Of course, Klaus, there's no way he would have some other plans for me!" Your bodyguard mimicks your voice and tone (terribly), as you sit in the back of the car your dad sent with a brand new pair of shoes.

"How would I have known he would do this?!" You complain, tightening the straps of the new shoes around your ankle.

"Well, hurry up, knight dude is probably waiting for you." Arms crossed, he taps his foot impatiently. You merely groan in response.

"I can't believe he didn't even tell me he booked a room for me at the hotel! And that I have to attend the same event tomorrow too! I didn't even bring any change!"

"Um, Miss (Y/N), your father asked me to hand you this too.." the driver quietly places a small suitcase on the back seat next to you.

"There you go; he packed stuff for you." You weren't sure if Klaus was trying to tease you or comfort you, but either way, you just let out a sigh.

After a long, mentally and physically exhausting night, you were finally allowed to leave. And boy, were you delighted to recieve the news.

"This one." You pause in front of the room that had the same number on the keycard. Klaus had already placed your bag inside earlier, but it was your first time viewing the room. "At least the room is pretty." You shrug.

"Didn't think you'd admit it." Klaus chuckles. "Well, I have to go; so, good night, Miss (Y/N); I'll be back here tomorrow." He bows.

"Wait!" You stop him before he steps outside the room.

As I have reached the 100 block limit, I'll complete this in Part 2...which I'll literally post now and it'll be shorter than this cuz it's just the ending 😂

[apfelseine]

In regards to Yuri Lowell’s hypocrisy

I have recently been thinking about the nature of hypocrisy, as I have noticed that it is most often associated with Yuri Lowell (either as a character flaw, or a reason why people dislike him). There is a longstanding tradition of branding Yuri as a hypocrite due to the actions he takes within the game. While I think a convincing case can be made regarding the hypocrisy of Yuri’s actions, the term has never felt right to me. It has led me to wonder, what constitutes hypocrisy and is Yuri Lowell a hypocrite? To answer this, I look to the events of the game and the other characters involved.

Warning, very long essay below the cut.

*** This analysis contains spoilers through the ending of the game. It is based entirely upon the American release of “Tales of Vesperia” on the Xbox360

In order to determine whether or not Yuri is a hypocrite, it is first necessary to define what hypocrisy means. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines hypocrisy as “a feigning to be what one is not or to believe what one does not” and “behavior that contradicts what one claims to believe or feel”. For the purposes of this analysis, I will be using this definition.

There are two main points which are cited when speaking of Yuri’s hypocrisy. The first is Yuri’s willingness to kill people because they are murderers. The second is Yuri’s selective employment of justice (i.e. his refusal to kill Estelle).

The first argument rests upon the premise that Yuri believes that killing is wrong, but he kills people himself. Evidence for this includes the fact that the four guilty people he kills had either killed people themselves or endangered innocent lives. This would classify Yuri as a hypocrite, since if killing is wrong, then he cannot say that he is justified in killing. Putting aside Yuri’s views on his own actions for a moment, let us consider the crimes of those whom he cut down.

The first victim is Ragou, the corrupt magistrate of Capua Nor. He is, presumably, responsible for killing people, but more than that, he is responsible for abusing his citizens through taxation while intentionally manipulating the environment in such a way as to prevent them from paying those taxes. Hence, his motivation was not greed, but rather a malicious bloodlust and a desire to toy with the people under his jurisdiction. He took great pleasure in forcing the men of the town to go out and hunt a dangerous monster to try to help their family. When the financial pressure was not enough to motivate the already injured citizens, he had no qualms about forcibly removing a child from his home to further pressure a man on the brink of death to continue his sick game. In fact, he gleefully locked that child in his dungeon, leaving him in the dark surrounded by monsters and no hope of escape. If Yuri and co. had not come when they did, that child would be dead right now.

The second victim is Cumore, the captain of the knights who put an entire town under martial law. He also is presumably a killer, but similar to Ragou, he toys with the people under his rule. After taking control of Mantaic, Cumore uses his authority to impose a strict curfew and sends the citizens into the desert to hunt for Pharaoh on the basis that there are rumors he is out there. Not only does he make this unreasonable demand, but it is not optional. He rounds up citizens and drives them out deep into the desert with no regard for their safety, not caring when they plead for their lives. When Yuri and co. save a husband and wife pair out in the desert, they are on the brink of death and likely would not have made it back to their children. Additionally, upon returning to Mantaic, the group overhears Cumore blatantly saying that if the parents should fail to find Pharaoh, the children will be sent out next.

The third victim is Alexei, the respected Commandant of the knights who quite literally tried to take over the world. It is uncertain whether he killed any humans, but he did murder an entelexeia. He also commissioned the construction of Heracles, a mobile fortress with the power to decimate entire cities with a single shot. That is not the sort of thing one constructs without intending to use it. Additionally, he activates Zaude with the intent of reinventing the world as he sees fit and effectively dooming the world because of his arrogance. Additionally, he had Estelle kidnapped and used her powers, treating her as a tool and forcing her to cause harm in order to achieve his goals.

The final victim is Zagi, an assassin. It goes without saying that he has killed people, though the main reason he is killed by Yuri is that Yuri has no other choice if he wants to save the world. Zagi has no regard for human life, but the reason he is killed is that he takes that to the extreme, endangering the world by becoming an obstacle for Yuri and co. because it will force Yuri to fight him seriously.

* It is interesting to note that the first two individuals are people who Yuri targeted specifically and murdered in cold blood, while the second two individuals are people who Yuri defeated in battle and dealt the final blow to. So technically it cannot be said whether or not Yuri would have gone out of his way to kill them. Yet in all four cases, these individuals were cut down after reaffirming that they will never change their ways and will continue to hurt people. (And, very interestingly to me personally, three of them express a desire to cause harm to Flynn. This is something I’ll likely expand upon in more depth some other time.)

Looking back upon what all of the characters have done, it is evident that all of the characters are implied to have killed people, although that is never explicitly shown or dwelt upon. While it can be argued that Yuri is killing people because they are killers or threatening to kill people, that is overly simplistic. Each of the victims are guilty of far more than simply killing people. They actively endanger innocent people, either because they enjoy doing so or because they devalue human life. There is something inherently flawed about how these people view the world, and there is no changing their minds. But the justification for when or if it is okay to kill someone will differ between different people. Yet it is important to note that Yuri’s morality isn’t “killing people is wrong, so I’ll kill killers”, it is “killing is not a just action, but it is sometimes a necessary one”.

Yuri does not posit that it is acceptable to kill someone, but he also is not killing people solely because they are killers. He is killing people who are corrupt and who torture others. He kills people who threaten the safety of the entire world, and who are beyond redemption (the latter reason being the reason he does not kill Estelle or Duke). If his belief was that murder is wrong, he would kill Clay, or he would have a vested interest in targeting the same individuals who Clay kills. Some would say that this is an instance of hypocrisy, but I argue that Yuri’s objection to the people he kills is not that they are murderers. His objection to them is that they are cruel and dangerous to innocent people and the world itself.

Now does this make Yuri right to kill people? I don’t think so, but neither does he. In fact, he fully recognizes that it would be the ideal situation if people could be punished fairly within the preexisting system. It seems that Yuri’s acceptance that murder is not justifiable is confusing to people since it implies that he is acting against his own beliefs. However, something can be impossible to justify, but still a preferable action to the alternative because of the result it obtains. Yuri does not pretend that it is alright for him to kill people and circumvent the system since ideally, the system would work the way it is meant to, but his belief is that the moral action is whatever yields the best outcome. Thus, it would be moral to commit a criminal act for the purposes of protecting innocent people. That doesn’t make him a hero in his mind, but it is also in line with another one of his beliefs that it is better for him to shoulder all the responsibility and blame for negative things in order to ensure that other people do not have to.

Yuri is willing to do wrong for the sake of punishing those who harm others. It is evident that Yuri believes that the moral option is to see that villains receive punishment since he includes “punish the unjust” as a part of Brave Vesperia’s creed. Unjust is subjective, but given the people whom he chooses to kill, it can be assumed that Yuri’s definition of unjust is people who cause harm to the innocent and who endanger the world.

I think the main reason why I am hung up upon Yuri being dubbed a hypocrite is that I feel that it fundamentally misunderstands what Yuri’s moral code is. Hypocrisy, I feel, would be for Yuri to say that under no circumstances should you kill someone, then belie that belief by killing people. His actual moral code is more complex than that, being more accurately defined as him stating that killing makes him a criminal, but he is willing to become a criminal so long as the system allows innocent people to be abused. He dissociates criminality from immorality, so the interpretation of his actions should bear that in mind. It is always a criminal act to kill someone, but when the system fails its people, criminal acts are needed until the system can be repaired or replaced by something which treats everyone fairly.

Along these same lines, it can also be indicated that it is not hypocritical for him to selectively kill certain people but not others. Why, one might ask, does he give Estelle a chance to redeem herself, but not the people he killed? Simply put, Estelle was not willingly engaged in harming the world. As such, when given the chance to fight against the control, Estelle was able to pull through with the help of her friends. The most direct parallel can be drawn to Yuri’s murder of Zagi, as both are endangering the world without the specific intent to actually cause harm to the world. In Zagi’s case, however, he swears up and down that Yuri will have to kill him to get past him. Estelle is willing to accept death if it means that she won’t do any more harm. The difference between them is that Zagi does not care what harm is caused, but Estelle does. Yuri gives her a choice to back down and she does so, actively fighting against forces which compel her to choose the opposite. It is not that Yuri knows her personally and that is why he gives her the chance to live (though knowing her allows him to recognize that she is likely to choose to live and fight the control). Rather, Yuri sets out with the intent to kill her if he has to, and should Estelle have given in to the control he would have cut her down just as he did with Zagi. He believed in her as a friend, but also because he knew she did not consciously choose to do harm to anyone.

Yuri’s major flaw is not hypocrisy. He is actually very consistent with how he enacts justice. Those beyond redemption and who are protected by the system are the people who he kills (with the exception of Zagi, who is not part of the system to begin with). It is not that he kills killers, but rather that he kills people who actively cause harm and have a sick and twisted view of the world. Yuri didn’t kill murderers, he killed people who treated innocents like pawns in a clear abuse of power with no chance of changing their ways. Every single one of them went down without any real remorse for what they had done (well, except perhaps for Alexei, but he seems more remorseful for dooming the world rather than for attempting to take control in the first place). Yuri’s true flaw is not relying on his friends. He cares so much about protecting innocent people that he fails to realize that perhaps those people can actually help him. But that’s a discussion for another day.

I’d very much be interested in hearing other people’s thoughts on this subject. Please tag me if you respond, or head on over to a new discord channel I created and chat with me! I’d very much like to further analyze this game which has meant so much to me for so many years. I look forward to hearing from you!

https://discord.gg/Hv599CZ

[kennysamathedeviant]

Man of Steel's Critique Of The No Kill Rule

I’ve made it no secret that i detest the no kill rule, and it’s not because i think the rule is bad in and of itself, but it’s that it’s always been presented as this superficial, mentally coddled world view of absolutist morality; a view that says that no amount of innocent lives being wasted and lost is ever a reasonable, nor justifiable reason to circumvent your morals, you’re better left shrugging and holding onto it, regardless of consequences. It’s a rule that celebrates apathy but masks it to be about virtue. If your virtue comes at the expense of letting evil prosper, then are you really virtuous? This rule, of which my distaste is bottomless, has only ever been applied intelligently twice to my satisfaction, once in the DCAU Justice League and secondly, as a broken rule (imagine that) in Man of Steel. I’ve always had very high opinions of Man of Steel, it’s only gotten higher ever since i became conscious of the anti mos/dceu narrative (i was out of the loop initially), which challenged me to scrutinize the story and it’s final act all over again and again and again and again and for me, it continues to hold up and it will continue to hold up for eternity.

Man of Steel, as the complex masterpiece it is, can be interpreted in numerous ways, as long as your “interpretation”, is supported by the canon. One such interpretation i’ve had forever, is that the entire film can be viewed as a direct critique of the moral absolutism associated with the no kill rule and the kind of apathy it creates in the name of virtue. Basically, it criticizes the no kill rule, not as bad, but as horrifically ineffective and atrocious in most applications, just like the movie shows what actually happens (what you see but don’t think about even when it’s right in front of you) when superheroes and supervillains fight in populated areas, so also does it reveal the inherent folly of holding so tightly to the no kill rule as if it’s about virtue, when a little closer inspection will reveal it promotes apathy and detachment. Let’s look at the ways i believe the movie makes this statement:

The Kryptonian Council 

This is the first red flag we’re introduced to in the story, the Kryptonian council is painted in a negative light right from their introduction. They are horribly ineffective, engage in endless debates and when they do bother to make a decision, it’s a decision that negatively affects every other Kryptonian in the story. With their planet on the verge of death and their race on the verge of extinction, what does the Kryptonian council do? Dedicates the last of it’s resources to imprison a criminal who goes on to later cause pain and hardships for everyone else in the movie. For clarity, this criminal; General Zod, who’s murdered dozens of people, a council member, and his own best friend, all in the name of being more proactive in comparison to the slowness of the council, is sentenced to the Phantom Zone. This requires the very last of their resources, resources that could have been used to get however number of Kryptonian citizens off-world to the old Kryptonian outposts like Jor-el suggested in the first place. And in so doing, they damned not only their race, but Earth by extension because their actions, while unforeseen, were callous enough to be considered culpable. And this isn’t the first time the Kryptonian council is guilty of finding “another way” when they blatantly had only one way out.

In the Man of Steel prequel comic, the council stashes Dev-em; a Kryptonian murderer, the first in generations, aboard a maiden voyage to the stars in search of new worlds, because in their own words, “we are not barbarians like the Thanagarians” so in other words, they were too “moral” to execute him. That maiden voyage’s crew included Kara Zor-el, Kal-el’s ancestor, who was undertaking what was at the time, a bold move for their race to stretch their influence to other worlds. The magnitude of this mission can’t be understated, this voyage was one of many that led to the creation of the Kryptonian outposts mentioned in the film. The film points out that abandoning this venture, was one of the ways Krypton’s eventual demise started, along with artificial population control, the eugenics based system it employed, the predetermining of a child’s purpose and the waste of their natural resources including drilling into their planet’s core. But back to the council’s decision, Dev-em escapes captivity, kills all crew on board the ship, gets in a scuffle with Kara Zor-el and crashes the ship. That ship is the scout ship that summons Zod to Earth in the movie, it’s distress signal being a cry for salvation from Dev-em. So we have two important instances where the Kryptonian council would rather find “another way” than take the one in front of them because it’s not moral enough for their virtuous tastes. But let’s also look at the methods they seemingly prefer to use, shall we? Let’s see if these methods are actually better than this immoral action they constantly refuse to take.

The Phantom Zone Prison

To those unaware, the phantom zone is a Kryptonian prison that houses Krypton’s most dangerous criminals. But even more insidiously, it has in most incarnations, been described as and looks like a fate worse than death, with the Donner movies, Smallville and the DCEU basically contesting for the most horrible version ever. Donner’s Phantom Zone was a diamond shaped prison where prisoners are stuck and ejected into space forever, Smallville had the prisoners bodies destroyed and their essence left in the zone as shambling, body stealing wraiths. The DCEU’s version will require a more explicit explanation. It involves a process of encasing the accused completely in ice, a very painful process as seen by General Zod’s cohorts screaming in pain, with the exception of Zod himself and Faora, who manage to bear it all with teeth clenched willpower. There’s also the implication that they are completely conscious even while encased completely in ice and in pain the whole time, their nociceptors working on overdrive. It’s so easy to overlook the horrific nature of this “moral” punishment while joking that their ice-maiden cocoons (because they look like and function like iron-maidens) look like dicks, doesn’t it? Then they’re sent into a ship, that carries their cocoons through a hyperspace portal to the phantom zone until their sentence runs out and then they’ll be released. Except they wouldn’t be. Krypton was dying, the end was here, their sentence of 300 cycles of sematic reconditioning meant nothing, they were damned for all eternity by those who considered execution too morally repulsive, even though given a choice, they would likely choose death. They were to consciously suffer their punishment within the ice for all eternity, and yet were only being sentenced for 300 years in what sounds like a sick joke.

Zod: You won’t kill us yourselves! You won’t sully your hands but you’ll damn us to a black hole for eternity!

The phantom zone is the go to excuse for that “another way” but there’s nothing better about the way it’s been applied in most media, it’s just there to coddle the morality of a desensitized viewer about what was right and what was needed in a story and Man of Steel clearly shows that there was nothing right or “moral” about it. But does the kind of morality that Kryptonians display influence the way Zod or any of his followers view Kal-el?

Expectations of Kryptonian Morality

If you’re like me, and you believe that absolute morality is being criticized in this movie, then Faora’s verbal smack down on Kal carries more meaning. While it’s easy to interprete her words as being about Clark having moral principles which put him at a disadvantage compared to their advantageous lack of it, it could also be interpreted as Faora pointing out that she expects him to display the very same self righteous air of moral superiority common to Kryptonians, a morality so high, it’s not above letting evil triumph as long as it stays intact. She expects him to be so caught up and drunk on his idea of morality, that he’d be willing to let people die rather than stop them, just like the Kryptonian council did. It’s decision to imprison them, ensured their survival, hence their “evolutionary advantage” over Kal, who could still be stuck in that same bubble.

Even in the final battle, Zod visibly smirks when Kal declares he’ll stop him, how could he not? Kal’s statement was virtually empty, how could he stop Zod? He’s exhausted all alternatives, sentenced his people to a fate worse than death, now he was going to feel Zod’s wrath. It was going down, of course he’d smirk. Kal’s been placed in that very same position Krypton’s council was, an entire planet’s fate in his hands, and Zod naturally expects his mind to be soaked in that same Kryptonian mentality, so will he keep trying to find “another way” as people keep dying or will he realize that there’s only so much he can actually control? Is his sense of morality really stronger than his concern for the billions of lives depending on him? And throughout the fight, Zod hammers the message home:

Zod: I will make them suffer, Kal. These humans you’ve adopted, i will take them all from you one by one!

Zod: There is only one way this ends, Kal. Either you die, or i do...

Zod: If you love these people so much, then you can mourn for them!

Add to this, earlier in the movie Jonathan tells him he has to decide the kind of man he wants to be, because that man; good character or bad, will change the world. Throughout the movie he’s proved what kind of man he was in different ways; selfless, brave, vulnerable, kind, empathetic, trusting, hopeful, etc. Now, he had to make a choice again, this time for an entire race and he chose what is undoubtedly the right choice in my opinion. Sure, it may not be a comfortable message for people to hear or read that Superman’s choice should involve killing Zod, but this is a movie that has proven time and again that actions have consequences, there are no deus ex machinas, get out of jail free cards, nothing. Clark has helplessly watched his father die, all his life he’s learnt there’s only so much you can control, you can’t save those who don’t want to be saved, you can’t just harmlessly stop those who don’t want to be stopped. He’s been pushed hard all his life but Zod is no schoolyard bully pushing him against a fence, Zod isn’t some nobody that can’t hurt him, Zod is the single worst phenomenon that dwarfs everything else he’d been able to passively endure in his life. Clark was able to keep his existence a secret for most of his life but within an hour of showing up, Zod outs him. Clark’s been passive his whole life despite ridicule, bullying and humiliation but within 24hrs of showing up, Zod pushes him enough that he throws his first punch ever. Everything he was taught, Zod was that antithesis that put it all to shame. But more importantly, Zod was proof that Clark was ultimately as helpless to control life like any other human and therefore, his decisions will carry repercussions and can’t be taken naively. And so, Clark chose to kill Zod, out of a lack of other options beyond falling back on the suicidal black/white morality his people were known for.

But since i said the no kill rule encourages apathy and detachment from viewers, is there any basis to any of it in the real world? Hello? This is Man of Steel, aka the movie that proved lots of people are fine letting evil prosper as long as they can shrug and say “at least my morals are intact”. This movie definitively proved that people’s sense of morality had taken a nose dive straight into apathy masqueraded as virtue. There was no end of “the real superman would have found another way!” in a story where an entire race vanishes overnight over that very same mentality. The obsessive focus on the action of Superman killing Zod rather than the context that more than justified a death that was already rightly bought when Zod commanded the World Engine be used to kill people. That the movie frames his death as a last resort only adds to my respect for it because he doesn’t even deserve that benefit. “Superman never ever kills! Ever!” cried detractors as they salivated over a version of superman killing a powerless man and joking about it. What do we call this kind of morality? One that calls an unavoidable death inexcusable but relishes a senseless one? And then would years later, go on to salivate over a near repeat of it, another senseless death covered up in jokes considered as acceptable? Because it seems people are 100% okay with their heroes (especially superman) killing, as long as they joke about it and feel nothing. So is this really about virtue? Or is it just an apathetic and detached populace fooling itself that it actually cares about morality? Because when it comes down to it, even despite proving that he wasn’t the kind of man to let people die in some misplaced sense of moral superiority, Superman mourns having had to take such a decision and mourns the death of a man who didn’t deserve it and refused to back down or stay down regardless of his pleas. He cries over his own helplessness and the ultimate imperfection that living in the real world (so to speak) brings. Because even though the movie criticizes moral absolutism, even though it hammers home the inherent stupidity of the no kill rule as an absolute, it never pretends like subverting it was without it’s own moral and emotional consequence. It was a blow to all his years of upbringing, his ability to navigate the world, to make decisions, his pacifism, but most of all, his conscience and faith in himself. A bad man died, a world lived and a good man was broken despite taking the only reasonable decision he had left, actions have consequences, we make decisions and we have to live with it. So Superman ends up showing more moral fiber in a movie where he kills than his own detractors do and it became just one more reason why i detested the rule because people didn’t care about morality in the first place.

[houseinva]

Toxic individuals lure you into a false sense of security simply to have a platform to showcase their cruelty. Baiting you into a mindless, chaotic argument can escalate into a showdown rather quickly with someone who doesn’t know the meaning of respect. A simple disagreement may bait you into responding politely initially, until it becomes clear that the person has a malicious motive of tearing you down. By “baiting” you with a seemingly innocuous comment disguised as a rational one, they can then begin to play with you. Remember: narcissistic abusers have learned about your insecurities, the unsettling catchphrases that interrupt your confidence, and the disturbing topics that reenact your wounds – and they use this knowledge maliciously to provoke you. After you’ve fallen for it, hook line and sinker, they’ll stand back and innocently ask whether you’re “okay” and talk about how they didn’t “mean” to agitate you. This faux innocence works to catch you off guard and make you believe that they truly didn’t intend to hurt you, until it happens so often you can’t deny the reality of their malice any longer. It helps to realize when you’re being baited so you can avoid engaging altogether.

I didn’t understand the concept of narcissistic supply back then, I didn’t understand that Ben felt validated by and alive from any sort of attention I gave him. Good or bad, positive or negative, attention to a narcissist is all that matters, it’s what feeds the False Self’s feelings of importance, of being valuable, and of being “real” whereas the narcissist’s False Self isn’t real, it’s nothing more than smoke and mirrors.

It didn’t matter how I reacted, as long as I didn’t  react or show indifference or silence, I was validating the existence of Ben’s False Self as being genuine and authentic instead of something Ben created to hide his disordered, flawed, wounded and damaged True Self.

Since Ben was my sexual awakening and had a tremendous impact on my life, I was still trapped in the mind-set induced by love-bombing; I believed that Ben was good deep-down despite at times showing a lack of empathy and interpersonal exploitation. While I knew he lied a lot, I still tended to believe what he said most of the time, especially when he lied directly to my face (as opposed to lying by text message, email or phone). I’ll give Ben credit: he’s one hell of a believable liar. When Ben claimed to be introverted and needed his “alone time” as opposed to intentionally and knowingly driving me mad with the silent treatment, I accepted his words as truthful.

Ben now said not to ever worry again about being discarded as he swore that would never happen again. He claimed he’d invested far too much into me to just throw me away and discard me, promising me that the days of discarding were days of the past and I need not worry about that issue anymore. Ben knew I’d been conditioned into being triggered the moment anything discard-related was mentioned into freaking out and flying off the deep end.

There was one instance when I sat down with Ben and pulled up literature on being “triggered,” trying to educate him on the importance of not bringing up my vulnerabilities or triggers. I believed that this teaching / learning experience made this “register” with him. I failed to realize I’d essentially  given him the blueprints on how to drive me insane.

I was aware of Ben seeming to create problems out of thin air at times when it wasn’t necessary, but I always assumed he was just slightly paranoid and overly sensitive. I never considered he’d done these things on purpose, especially not since he’d claimed he was working so hard to be the ideal version of himself that he saw in his head.

They create imaginary scenarios out of thin air just to blame you for them. A narcissist is a pathological liar – someone who will lie just for the fun of it. They draw amusement and entertainment from their victims   having to defend themselves against baseless accusations. Blame shifting ensures that the target is on edge, restless, and wastes their energy   trying to explain themselves rather than simply stating the facts and standing firm in their self-validation.

October 2017

One night Ben called to say that “those  people” called asking questions about me; “those people” was how Ben referred to the officers that had arrested John, my neighbor who befriended me right before I met Ben in round one.  Ben’s other boyfriend, the one he’d claimed to be breaking up with any moment since he returned for round two, was their confidential informant according to Ben. I did a random background check on his boyfriend and his arrest record corroborated Ben’s claims, as well. I thought Ben was trying to “throw me off,” there was no reason they’d want anything to do with me.

But then, days later I received  their call. My subsequent visit to see “those people” cost me $4k for an attorney and we found out nothing. Initially they said they had reason to believed I’d committed a crime in Maryland. I thought to myself:

They must have me confused with someone else. Outside of visiting my family and when I worked there well over a year ago, the only time I’ve been to Maryland was that one time when Ben literally yanked me out of bed and dragged me to his house for that god-awful threesome with him and his boyfriend.

I never considered there was any connection. I told them I didn’t know what they were talking about. The officers seemed anxious and fidgety; they tried offering me something to sign that would give me immunity if I told them what I knew only I didn’t know what they were talking about. We’d met them in Virginia and my lawyer read over the paper, stating it didn’t appear to give me immunity in DC where I lived. He said he wasn’t recommending I sign anything. Then the officers acted even stranger and started talking about random things unrelated to crime.

The one agent showed me his new iPhone, letting me play with it for a few minutes before we left. My lawyer described this as the strangest interaction with police in his career. I had no clue why they’d even contacted me but they sure were a lot kinder this time with an attorney present than they were when I first met them in that van in Northern Virginia. That was the time when I was leaving and the one officer cautioned me against using gay chat apps and dating sites, saying they could get me into trouble one day. All I knew was I didn’t want anything to do with those people and I was glad this random meeting went smoothly.

When I told Ben, he claimed he was joking when he said they called him asking about me and, given the coincidence, he didn’t feel safe anymore with me, using it as an excuse to discard me yet again, the fucker. Within two weeks, Ben was back at my side like always, of course, not acknowledging having discarded me nor apologizing either, which was expected. The whole thing was weird but I just thought it was another random, weird event in life, never thinking about on it.

One night Ben came over to celebrate Valentine’s day with me. When he  was leaving, he did something that was completely unlike him: he kissed me goodbye, and for the second time in our nearly year-long romance, he said:

I love you.

I was smitten, and I was taken aback as it was so unlike Ben to be romantic in the slightest. Despite us having more sex in a week than most do in their lifetimes, the element of love or romance was never present, at least not on his part. He went on to say that he’d likely return later to spend the night after he took care of a few things at home. In typical Ben fashion, he never returned, instead leaving me to stay up all night long waiting in anticipation. That’s something Ben did all the fucking time, he’d leave me hanging based on supposed plans that never came through. The next day I discovered Ben sent me an email shortly after midnight,  with the subject line reading:

Those people.

Ben claimed when he left my place that night, he saw police outside, shining a flashlight inside his car and felt too frightened to return to my place again after my run-in with “those people” months before.

I’d told him about what went down when I met with them, and he knew there was nothing to worry about, there was nothing going on and they must have been mistaken.

Ben also claimed they didn’t say a word to him and it sounded like some random group of police in the city at night, which is fairly common. It made no sense why he felt so shaken up and his language also seemed… hokey, it wasn’t typical for Ben, it seemed like he was making this up just to throw me off like he seemed to enjoy doing so often. Once a few more emails came through from him, I wasn’t buying his story at all anymore.

We will talk and maybe see each other in public somewhere. I’ve never been that shook before and I’m not trying to start anything.

What? What? What? Where was this coming from? Why would Ben seeing police outside result in him deciding never to return again to my home, limiting our time together to seeing each other in public, and cause him to suddenly decide to move home with his parents? This was making absolutely no sense whatsoever, and Ben was a magnificent liar whereas this time it was blatantly obvious he was lying through his teeth. But not matter what I said, he’d manage to flip it back around on me, making me appear like I was the the bad guy, the unreasonable one, and the asshole. The last time i saw him, Ben kissed me goodnight and said he loved me only for this to be our next encounter; not only was this was ridiculous, but for Ben’s lying kills to be this shitty this meant something was truly off.

You’re right I could be over reacting to the whole police thing but instead of helping me and or calming me down to make me feel safe you attack me? Is that what you to to someone you care about?

I’ll admit I didn’t save my responses to him but they weren’t over the top or mean like he suggested in his responses. I felt like he was lying though, I knew he was lying, but I couldn’t prove it. His reaction just seemed so extreme over something as run of the mill as police in DC streets at night. If anything he should have felt safe knowing that police were around in my neighborhood, it’s not like either one of us was up to trouble. This was nonsense. Ben was back at his favorite past-time again: fucking with my head. That I was certain of, although he’d never admit it, just like he’d never admit any of the mind games he loved screwing my mind with.

This annoying game dragged on for the entire week – first claiming he  was too scared to come back, then attacking me for questioning the validity of his claims instead of supporting him during a time of need. This was Ben’s way of dangling the discard carrot in front of my face indirectly in a way that he could claim was clearly not an attempt to discard me. The boy wasn’t content unless he was fucking with my head and provoking me. As stupid as it sounds, this whole ordeal threw me off for the entire week, I was depressed and on edge and convinced I’d never see Ben again. That Thursday night, I noticed something: the sex toy cabinet that Ben had stocked full of adult novelties was empty. Ben had been filling it for the last 9 months and suddenly nothing was there. What the hell? That little turd face had taken them all home with him before leaving that night, there was nowhere else they could have gone. He hadn’t seen police for certain, that was all one giant excuse for ending things with me but not wanting me to call him out for discarding me like always.

I was so angry at Ben and his never-ending mind games. He refused to respond to my email, leaving me to feel discarded yet again. Then Saturday morning, I received the email below, which makes me refer to Ben as a turd face squared

I just dropped [other boyfriend] off and might go to school. If I hear from you I’m open to talking fucking or just hanging out. The police thing still scares me but you’ve been a good friend for the most part so I don’t see that ending so easily.

That little turd had chosen to bait me into a mind-fucking, impossible argument that threw me off for an entire week only to send me the above and stop over that day. Of course there was no apology and he insisted the police incident was real and traumatizing.

Later on in rereading his emails, I noted something, which I underlined below:

Come to find out Ben had been snooping through my cell phone and email and saw that I referred to him as a narcissist in communication I had with my therapist. I didn’t notice Ben’s Freudian slip above about “talking behind my back about me to other people” until several weeks later. I approached him about this and he was honest for once, at least so I believe, in admitting to reading what I’d sent to my therapist about him. He’d planned out this whole thing because of my use of the goddamn, other “n-word.”

[darklygophilia]

Hey hope all is well with you. Want to pick your brain. What do you think laurel would have done i f she found out about Thea's paternity in season 2 before Oliver or felicity? Would she have kept Moira 's secret to gain her favor or tell oliver?

I’m doing well-ish. I’ve recently recovered from shingles (wince), & before that I had a wretched cold. It feels like I’ve been sick for forever. I’m finally feeling well enough to get back to work & catch up on stuff.

Warning: Like all my responses this is likely gonna be unnecessarily long.

Hmm. This question is very much in the AU realm of “What if.” I wanna start off by saying that I LOVE the scene between Felicity & Moira where Felicity confronts her & tells her in a very non-threatening way that Moira should be the one to tell Oliver the truth. Felicity never even gives Moira an ultimatum & she doesn’t threaten to tell Oliver herself b/c, at the time, Felicity didn’t know what she’d do! Felicity simply points out that Moira she’d tell Oliver the truth herself. I agree. When it comes to guilty truths, it really is better hearing it from the guilty party themselves rather than from someone else.

The scene parallels how Oliver had the chance to tell Slade the truth about how Shado died, but didn’t (following Sara’s advice instead). What happened? Slade found out from someone else! In that context, not only was Slade hurt by the tragic truth, he was also hurt by the fact that Oliver wasn’t the one who told him. The truth of Shado’s death was made worse b/c it was compounded by Oliver’s betrayal of secrecy. Moira choosing NOT to tell Oliver the truth not only shows how similar Oliver is to his mother in his choices regarding family, it also pushes Felicity into an internal war with herself. Should she get involved in the Queen family drama & go against Moira’s wish to keep it a secret, or does she go with her instincts as a loyal friend to Oliver & tell him the truth? Not only was it a great scene between two powerful actresses (Susanna & Emily knocked it out of the ball park), it also showed Felicity’s own personal internalized conflict.

Now, how would Laurel react if she’d been in Felicity’s position?

“What do you think laurel would have done if she found out about Thea’s paternity in season 2 before Oliver or felicity?” Well, first we need to think about how Laurel would find out about this secret in the first place…

Maybe while she & the DA were doing some digging on Moira’s relationship with Malcolm during the trial, & Laurel found about their affair. But she also figures out that said affair also lead to Thea!

So, after that, we get into the concept of Laurel’s own manipulative side in regards to, “Would she have kept Moira ’s secret to gain her favor or tell Oliver?” Moira & Laurel are similar, to an extent, & their similarities are pretty straight forward.

They both have a major blindspot for family; both go into extremes when their family is threatened. Look at Moira’s cooperation with Malcolm - she was willing to risk the entire population of the Glades in order to ensure Oliver & Thea’s safety! Look at how revenge-hungry Laurel was when Sara died in S3.

Both women are also shown being driven & ambitious when they want something.

Moira always seemed far more forgiving (IMO) than Laurel, & I think that had 60% to do with how she was written. We the audience can logically & emotionally understand a mother going to extremes for her child. The other 40% being how Susanna Thompson portrayed Moira. Even in Moira’s most manipulative, villainous moments, Moira was still likable, b/c Susanna focused on Moira’s “motherhood” & the emotions behind that.

There was always a hint of reluctance & feeling behind what she did. It wasn’t all about bitterness or revenge! The essence of Moira was a mother’s unconditional, sometimes blind, love!

A lot of what Moira did came from a genuine place of love for her children, to the point that she was willing to turn herself into a villain to ensure her children’s happiness & safety. Her ability to go to such extremes is disturbing, but its compounded by the truly heartfelt reasoning behind Moira’s actions!

What Moira did is no less excusable, but its very clearly explained within the show’s narrative as to WHY she did what she did. B/c of this, what she did may not strictly be forgivable, but its easier to sympathize with her as a character.

Laurel & Moira may both be manipulative at times, but their reasons behind their manipulations are very different…

When Moira’s manipulating someone it always comes back to the happiness & safety of her children. She’s a mother first & foremost; that’s how she’s written & that’s how Susanna portrayed her.

To an extent that same love could be seen as selfish, I suppose. In regards to the Undertaking, Moira’s only thinking about the safety of her children, but seems to disregard the safety of all the innocent people, & children, in the Glades. It’s as disturbing as it is heartfelt!

However, b/c of that same love she has for her children, Moira is talked OUT of her alliance with Malcolm by Oliver who blatantly calls her out, & reminds her that his & Thea’s lives are NOT the only ones that matter. Despite Thea not really knowing as much of Moira’s involvement as Oliver’s aware of, her mentioning Roy & her love for him, also reminds Moira that while her alliance with Malcolm has ensured her children physical safety, her part in the Undertaking could emotionally harm them.

Thus, Moira’s love for her children is the thing that could drive her to ‘burn the world to ashes’ if need be, but that same love is also the thing that stays her hand! This is why, at the last minute she betrays Malcolm & alerts the Glades to the danger of the Undertaking. Moira’s love for her children may be selfish, when all is said & done, but we sympathize & understand it.

Within the first 2 seasons we learned that Laurel & Sara BOTH fell for Ollie. Laurel realized Sara’s crush on Ollie &, IMO, she also realized how similar Sara & Ollie were in temperament & personality. They’re both the wild child of their respective families. What did Laurel do? She conveniently got Sara grounded; by the time Sara regains social freedom Lauriver are together. That sure sounds like Laurel essentially manipulated her relationship with Ollie into being from the beginning! She was willing sabotage her sister’s chances with Ollie & even break her sisters trust to do it!

Laurel’s secret lunches with Ollie that Tommy wasn’t aware of, & how she’d claim to love Tommy but would go running to Oliver with her relationship problems. That sure seems manipulative even if that wasn’t the writers’ intention.

Laurel blaming the Hood for Tommy’s death & using her relationship with the Hood to manipulate & trap him.

Laurel blackmailing her boss to get her job back was pretty manipulative.

Laurel’s manipulation were ALL for the greater good of Laurel! At least Moira’s manipulations almost always went back to her love for her children. 

So, to conclude answering this “What if” question of, “Would she [Laurel] have kept Moira’s secret to gain her favor or tell Oliver?” Is Laurel really that manipulative, to keep Moira’s secret just to gain her favor, or would she show loyalty to Oliver & tell him?!

When Laurel found out about the affair between Moira & Malcolm, she did offer a hand-out to Moira. But, Laurel did NOT tell Oliver or Thea about the affair! Moira told them herself. With that said, & based on ALL of the above…

I feel that Laurel would’ve confronted Moira about Thea being Malcolm’s daughter. Now, b/c Moira knows Laurel, she’d also know how to manipulate her.

Moira tried to manipulate Felicity but, after she gives it some thought, Felicity goes against Moira’s manipulations & instead acts on her own loyalty for Oliver, telling him the truth. Felicity unintentionally & simultaneously gains Moira’s respect.

B/c of Laurel’s history with Ollie, Moira knows Laurel. So, I think Moira would explain herself to Laurel more than she would with Felicity. She’d likely tell Laurel that it would break Thea & Oliver, pleading to Laurel’s own extreme sense of “family.” But she’d also use Laurel’s feelings for Ollie against her the way she tried to use Felicity’s feelings for Oliver against her. I don’t think Laurel would keep the secret to gain Moira’s favor. I think Moira would succeed in manipulating Laurel, & Laurel would keep the secret out of some twisted sense of “love” for Ollie, & by extension that by keeping the secret she’d be protecting Ollie. B/c, as both the show & KC have made it abundantly clear, everything about Laurel comes back to Ollie!

Essentially, Laurel would falter where Felicity didn’t. Laurel would let her feelings for Ollie cloud the issue & that’s why she’d KEEP the secret.Felicity being in-love with Oliver does NOT define her the way it defines Laurel. Felicity may want Oliver’s love, but she doesn’t need it the way Laurel (KC) seems to. B/c Felicity is an individual. I’m not saying this to cast stones at the Lauriver-ship. I’m saying this b/c that’s what’s in the show’s narrative. The Arrow writers defined Laurel by her connection to Ollie & wrote her thus.

[worthywriting]

Tick

“Veronica! What a pleasure to see you! Come in! Please, please. Have a seat. We're very glad you have you.” The grandiose door swung open to the man that she'd seen once or twice before. His face, the odd mixture of a cherub and grandfather, had an exaggerated smile drawn across it today that made his features look oddly contorted and pulled. Last time she saw the man was at the family press event. He glided into the room with purpose after the cameras had stopped taking the photos and spoke to the interviewer with a very serious tone about him. Pointer finger strong and straight, shoulders square, eyes darting. The assumed natural state of the man then, quite the opposite of the forced glee that scrubbed his face in front of her today.

She smiled politely and took a seat across from the man's outstretched arm.

"Thank you for taking time out from the press junkets and hoopla of the engagement to come and talk with us. I've seen when this family has gotten engaged before and it looks terrifying!" the man laughed with fake charm. His crooked teeth bearing like a guilt ridden animal. He knew nothing about the feelings of the family, and probably didn't even care, but he did know how he wanted the family presented, and that is why she was here.

"Of course. I did have about an hour to breathe today, so I figured why not spend it with you." she croaked. They feigned a plastic cackle. 

“Well, Veronica, let me get straight to the point of why we asked you here today. I just want to say welcome to the family! We love your look. Your charm, your characteristics, it's lovely, it really is. We will be delighted to have you, and the history books, well of course they'll be forever changed! They'll  practically be rewritten with you fitted in them!” The man spoke of the family as if he was somehow related to them by any strand of DNA. Today he grinned at the joy brought on by having someone 'like Veronica' to be a part of such a hierarchy and produce lineage of 'alternative decent', but she knew of the roaring objection the man put on when it was revealed to him that she was a potential wife. The outsider waved his sun spotted, wrinkled hands in a put-on show of celebration and smoothed then the wire-like hair on his head. Pompous and curt. The man continued on. “The future heir is going to be quite a fortunate child to have you and Mathias pass down such exceptional genes.” 

"Thank you. I'm happy to be an engaged woman and am looking forward to starting this next chapter of my life." Her rehearsed lines sounded stale to her ears.

"Excellent! I'm thrilled that we're on the same page," he nodded. "So we've set up an appointment for you with Dr. Sal Richards Tuesday morning. We'll send a car for you and give you a list of his requirements before you come."

“That sounds good. But why should I see him now? Mathias and I haven't even got married yet, we're not going to even try for a child until a few years from now."

“Yes, but this doctor is to make sure that.. everything goes.. as it should. As desired." The edges of his lips spasmed, almost as if his body was in a struggle to smile for politeness and remain stern for the gravity of what he was attempting to imply.

"Do you mean in order for me to have a healthy pregnancy?"

"Yes, yes, of course. Healthy, and desirable"

"Desirable.."

"Yes."

"As in the gender is already decided?"

"Yes! You understand. The gender, among other things"

"...I'm not sure, I'm not sure if I understand.."

"We just want to ensure that your most... Beautiful features.. Are inherited by the future children."

His wrinkle ridden face lay stout, eyes locked on her. Daring not to flinch.

"And what would my 'most beautiful' features be exactly?"

"Well," the cheeks on his cherub face blushed slightly "um... To start, if we chose to have a girl, we're going to want her to inherit that ... frame of yours. It's the perfect size, especially for someone of your decent...” Her eyes widened with the slightest frame of shock, noticeable, yet still composed, unwilling to give him any indication that his words could ever affect her. Catching himself in the gaff, his lips stuttered. “B-b-but for any decent really. It is, if I may say so a rather brilliant figure, to say the least. So we would want that for the heir... and as you fit right in with the stature of the family because of your petite frame... as will she."

"So, body proportion and height.."

"For a girl."

"And what if I have a boy that is my height?"

"That won't be acceptable. He'll inherit Mathias' height"

"But what if he just comes out as my height. I'm not that much shorter than Mathias."

"No, it won't be acceptable and so it won't happen. A son needs to be the height of his father."

"But sometimes sons are shorter than their fathers."

"Veronica...” His flushed cheeks now turned to a full illuminating red of his entire face. This was the state of the man she'd generally seen him in. “It won't be acceptable and so it won't happen. That's what Dr. Richards is here to make sure of."

"What if he inherits my small shoulders?"

"No."

"My nose"

"No."

"My skin tone."

"Definitely not."

The room grew chill. 

"My long legs?"

"Yes. But with the build of Mathias'."

"So essentially his legs, rather than mine."

"Yes."

A strong silence.

"And Dr. Richards is here to ensure all of this."

"Yes."

"This sounds like picking snd pulling special parts of two people to make your own creation. It's Frankenstein. It's eugenics."

"Eugenics?! This is not what we are doing here, miss. That is a blatantly radical form of controlling mechanisms to racially homogenize a population. That is not our business here. We are here to make sure that this family remains the strong figurehead that it has become. We're here to be that beacon of light to the millions of people who look up to this family for guidance and inspiration. This isn't some nazi experiment that we're conducting with you. It's lineage. We let Mathias chose to marry whomever he wanted, and he chose you, and we have accepted you. Welcomed you with open arms, we want you to contribute to this dynasty and as a part of this family--"

"--Me, or only parts of me?"

"Veronica, look, the world is in shambles. The planet is overheating. Political warfare is ensuing. People are ripping one another apart purely based on phenotype. We are aiming to stop that --"

"--Now." Veronica's sharp tongue stopped the man in his tracks. He knew that she was referring to her future mother-in-law and her experience with the family and experience with the man all those years ago. He'd seen the mother reach out her beautiful slender hand to place on Veronica's shoulder for a chat right after he requested this meeting. He saw the way the two beautiful women connected on the experience of marrying into such a lavish family. Their glistening eyes being the mediums to develop a kindred spirit between the two of them, gaining trust and support from one another, being informed on the procedures that the man and Dr. Richards were going to invade her body with. Picking and prodding to create 'the most desired' child. The mother still had the external and internal scars of being good enough for her husband, but not quite enough for the biased. Even though her experiences were decades ago in an even more stigmatized society than today, it still managed to bring a tear to her green eyes. He saw the way the mother looked at him from across the room as she audaciously removed her Sunday hat to expose her sandy blonde hair, a seemingly innocent act had she not missed her last hair dyeing appointment which was religiously scheduled every two weeks but the family's staff secretary. The man's jaw and brow grew stiff and he watched on. He quickly looked to the last photographer in the room, who, lucky for him, had his eyes focused on his camera, looking through the photos taken earlier the day. He noticed that way the mother slightly tipped her head, and even though he wasn't in earshot to hear the details of the conversation, he could tell by the way she gently smoothed her hand over her hair that she was revealing a string of the man's concealed web. She glared at him once more before she put her hat back on, covering her scarlet colored roots.

"We've always been very inclusive." The man continued, "And anyone who begs to differ, can come and see me personally. I don't doubt they know exactly where to find me.." He gave Veronica a knowing look that projected the image of who really wore the crown in the family. "We're not here to erase you Veronica... But just to enhance your offspring. A touch of your tone will still be there. The kinks of your hair will be visible, but for the most part... More manageable and loose. You straighten your hair everyday anyhow, do you really want your children to endure that, too? To make it in this dog-eat-dog world, you not only have to be the best, but to make no doubts about the fact that your children will, too. 'Hoping for the best' doesn't cut it here."

The man walked with his natural frump over to his desk where a picture of him, his wife and children was placed. Ugly little things, yet smiling on vacation. He sat down and began to write. His head completely focused now on his work. The light from the ceiling lamp bounced off the back of his head. Veronica knew that this was the end of the conversation and began to walk out.

"You're a very beautiful and intelligent girl, Veronica." His voice called, head still down. "And we're investing in you to make sure it stays that way."

Veronica made her way to the exit the room. She made her way to the hallway where Mathias was there, finishing up a conversation with his father, a mirror image of the stunning young man. They both saw her and smiled.

"How did it go?" Mathias asked.

"It was fine. Your mom prepped me for it." Veronica answered.

"Oh she did? How would she know what he was going to meet with you about? What did she say?" 

"... Don't worry about it."

"Well, I'm just glad that you're here. I know how nervous you were about it. Did you... uh...” Mathias gave his father a quick look and lowered his voice. “Did you have any ticks?"

"Yes, I did. But his head was down, so I don't think he saw." Veronica's eye twitched.

"Alright, well...” Mathais' father began. “Don't worry, no one but the immediate family has to know about your condition. It's mild. You're not shouting expletives or clucking like a chicken every five seconds. It shall stay between us. No one will even utter the word Tourettes. We love you no matter what. I can't wait for you to be a part of the family."