#although these two were conceived as a single two-sided piece & just posted separately so. It makes sense I suppose.

[queer-omens-in-the-archives]

please don't follow me into the sun

Relationship: Mello/Near Rating: Mature Chapters: 1/1 Words: 1,140

Mello comes to consciousness suddenly, with a jolt of adrenaline and the crystal clear certainty that Near is going to die if Mello doesn't do something, anything, to stop him now. (In which a grieving Near attempts suicide and the Mello in him is not willing to let him.) Companion piece to sweet atonement.

Warnings: Suicide Attempt (No Archive Warnings Apply) Tags: Multiplicity/Plurality, Near's Mello Introject, (could be a psychological phenomenon could be ghost possession. left ambiguous on purpose), Dissociation, Angsty Beginning with a Much Softer Ending, Post-Canon, POV Mello | Mihael Keehl

[read on AO3]

[maxwell-grant]

Having asked your thoughts on designing Frankenstein's daemon, might I now ask your thoughts on bringing Count Dracula from the written word into illustration? (I'm definitely in favour of the 'Hairy Old Mountain Man of Horror pretending he's people' look from the original novel; one of the small tests too many Draculas fail to pass is an absolutely tragic lack of the Evil Beard and/or Wicked Moustache explicitly described by Mr Stoker).

Unlike with Frankenstein, where I think the design needs to be painstakingly thought out in order to achieve the best balance of the creature's traits for horror and tragedy alike, I think with Dracula you can actually just take an approach of "whatever works". Because as I mentioned before, I think much of the appeal and longevity of Dracula is how the character's both a layered villain as well as a shapeshifting narrative force that can be tailored to whatever you want to do with. Granted, there are bad or dissappointing Dracula designs, of course there are, but in regards to the leeway you get for reinterpretation, you get a lot more of it with Dracula than with other literary icons.

Like with Frankenstein, I'm gonna bring up how I'd tackle a less grim, more comedy-centric Dracula first, one that's less a force of horror and more of a charismatic villain, and I think to that end I definitely agree that people are sleeping a lot on the hairy old man barely-passing-off-as-humanoid of the original story. Despite very much loving these performers, I'm actually not a fan of takes that mold Dracula too closely to people who've portrayed him, like Bela Lugosi and Christopher Lee, partially because I think it's a waste of an opportunity to create your own Dracula design. Since I can't draw (yet), I'll do what I usually do and make a board of images to try and convey some of my thoughts on one way I'd design Dracula.

(Pictured: Kiwi's design for Dracula, Hotel Transylvania concept art, Nandor, Castlevania Dracula, Charles Dance in Dracula Untold, Vladislav, a Transylvanian rug)

I used the images in my other Dracula post and I’ll post it here again because I absolutely adore @kiwibyrd's designs for Dracula and it's main heroes, in particular I love the way it strikes a good balance at making sure Dracula looks distinctly separate from the humans, but not too much that he couldn't conceivably operate in society as just a harmless old man. I also adore the mustache and bushy eyebrows and pointy ears and I think these three are wonderful features to keep on any Dracula design. I'm also very partial to the Hotel Transylvania concept art, even if it makes me incredibly depressed to look at all the great designs they had for Dracula that they threw in the trash because they somehow decided making him look like Adam Sandler was the idea to go with.

I deeply adore What We Do In The Shadows, both the movie and the show, and Jemaine Clement's Vladislav is one of my favorite (maybe even my actual favorite) on-screen Draculas. But I also enjoy Nandor just as much, and I think it's really great that as a character he's completely different from Vlad while also being ostensibly a take on Dracula, and in particular I bring up his Jersey look because "Dracula in common clothing" is a criminally underrated concept for a joke.

As a character, I'm very partial to comedy takes on Dracula that play him up as a decadent aristocratic supervillain, the kind that can get away with talking in third person. I also have this idea for a version of Dracula who dresses ostentatiously in finely-broidered Romanian or Transylvanian patterns, maybe even wearing a rug as a cape, claiming that he's carrying the legacy of his people on his back. And of course he's lying, he's not Vlad Tepes and he's not even Romanian, he is just a parasite pretending to have a history to be proud of, but good luck getting him to admit that. And finally, I'd like this version to be played by Charles Dance, and I consider it a tremendous crime against humanity that he has yet to play Dracula proper even despite being in a film with the character's name on the title.

So that's kinda how I would design a take on Dracula for something more comedic or more based around him as this guest character and personality on-set. Now, if we're talking a more serious version, I think the possibilities increase, and I won't be getting into all of them because I may prefer to keep them to myself, but I'll elaborate a few ideas.

For example, the edition of Dracula I personally own comes with these really scratchy, really creepy B&W illustrations related to the story, that I can't find scanned online so I'm uploading them here so you can look at. They don't necessarily depict the scenes but rather some of the story's moments, like Van Helsing staking Lucy, Renfield in a straightjacket, Dracula as a coachman, and they are more focused on conveying the horror of the concepts at play.

Dracula never looks the same way in any of the illustrations, in fact you kinda have to piece him out of them by trying to find teeth or capes or eyes or bat-features to see where he's hiding this time. In the first, it's the half-man half-bat, in the 2nd, he's the shrieking bat silhouette next to Renfield, and in the latter, he's the gaping jaws and eerily humanoid eyes in the wolf. The effect to me almost feels like if you were to look at a bunch of tv static and then see a humanoid shape form for a split second before everything went back to normal, something like you'd get from Slender Man or other modern creepypastas, and I’ve argued before that Dracula’s form of horror is a very modern one. 

In terms of illustrations of Dracula that keep up the original traits while still pulling off horror, I definitely have to hand it to the one at the left of the image above, drawn by regourso on Deviantart (account deleted at present). Going back to Castlevania’s many takes on Dracula, two in particular that stick out to me would be Castlevania: Judgment’s armored dress Dracula, who’s got this great twisted heart/rose motif going on in his outfit, and Dracula’s final form in SOTN where he just sits in his throne and his cape twists into all these monsters, particularly how it’s depicted by witnesstheabsurd’s depiction. 

I’m not particularly a fan of how Dracula’s “final form” in these games is usually just some big demon, and part of what I like about his final form in SOTN instead is that, while it’s not a particularly challenging final boss, I do find it interesting the idea of us never actually getting to see what Dracula’s true final form looks like, only an ever-shifting pitch-black torrent of teeth and claws and bloody veins pouring out because that’s ultimately what Dracula is and brings to the world.

On the flip-side of the rotten old monster, we have the charming seductor Dracula, and while I’m really not a fan of how various adaptations have convinced people that “the point” of Dracula is that he’s a seductive force and an allegory for Victorian xenophobia and I’m reeeally even less of a fan of adaptations that make Dracula some misunderstood tragic hero (and I think I’ve made rather violently clear my feelings on interpretations that play up a romance between him and Mina), that the seductive force part exists is impossible to deny, so conversely, while on one hand we can have Dracula as the gargantuan whirlwind of predatory violence, we can also go for Dracula as the tantalizing lover.

I’ve seen a lot of opinions proclaiming Frank Langella as the best Dracula because he was the best at actually being seductive while still playing Dracula, although I haven’t yet seen his performances. If I had to point at one picture I look at and do buy for a second the idea of Dracula as a romantic character, it would be that particular still of Raul Julia in the left of the above image. And it’s strange for me to think of Raul Julia as attractive because I mainly associate him with his brilliant comedy performance of M.Bison (I know it’s far from the highlight of his career but, look, I grew up with Street Fighter, I can’t help it) but those eyes are definitely looking pretty convincing to me, if nothing else. 

And I’ve included this still of Sebastian Stan in the right because, during a conversation between me, @krinsbez and @jcogginsa about who could be a good fit for Dracula, jcog suggested Sebastian Stan, partially because he’s Romanian, and I’ve learned recently that Stan was actually interested in playing the character in Blumhouse’s upcoming remake. And you’d think I’d hate this idea  considering how much I don’t care for tragic anti-hero Draculas, but who says that’s what he’d have to play? 

Do you have any idea how much actors, who are traditionally known for heroic or supporting roles, usually LOVE it when you give them a chance to cut loose as the main villain?

I’d want Sebastian Stan to put all of his charm, all of his talent, all of his good looks and etc, into playing the absolute most vicious, bloodthirsty and irredeemable Dracula put on screen. Someone who is exceedingly, eerily good at being a lovable protagonist, who’s all smiles and charming eyes and politeness mannerisms and maybe even a funny accent, and then it isn't as funny when he's flying through your window intent on kidnapping babies to feed to his brides, except he may take a moment or two to do so because he's feeling pretty hungry himself right now.

Now, admittedly this is kind of a lot to juggle in regards to a single character, which is why my answer for questions like these inevitably has to be “depends on what I’m going for”. That being said, if I was going to try and cast someone who I think could both look the part of Dracula, as well as respectively, play “cartoon aristocrat” Dracula, “mercurial embodiment of evil” Dracula, as well as realistically be an attractive, even seductive performer who can charm viewers even as the character descends into horrible villainy, and juggle these performances even?

I think I’d have to go with Mads Mikkelsen. Not specifically because of Hannibal (I actually haven’t watched it yet), although it’s definitely a factor, the thing that actually made me pick him specifically is, other than his looks, his voice, his reputation for playing sinister characters, the fact that he loves the role and wants to play it, or how many people are deeply in love with this man, or that people already joke that he looks like a vampire, was watching him in Another Round, and specifically that glorious final scene where he’s just dancing to his heart’s content and just, moving with such spring in his step and such joyful vitality even though he’s past his mid-fifties, and that was the moment where, in regards to how much you all love this man, I went

And now I am going to add “casting Mads Mikkelsen as a dancing Dracula” to The List of Reasons Why I Became a Filmmaker.

[laine-o]

A Different Kind of Happiness

Note: This takes place right after the Uchiha family returns from the battle against Shin in Naruto Gaiden.

I actually wrote this originally around the time Gaiden ended but never felt brave enough to post. So here is a short drabble.

Rating: Teen I guess???

———————————————————————————————————–

After saying good night to Sarada, Sakura walks down the dim hallway towards hers and Sasuke’s bedroom. Quietly, she opens the door and closes it softly behind her. When the door finally clicks shut, she releases a sigh she hasn’t realized she’d been holding.

“Sarada’s just like you,” Sasuke says quietly.

Sakura smiles and turns to face her husband sitting on their bed, slightly reclining on his single right elbow.

“Really, I thought she was an Uchiha the second I laid my eyes on her,” Sakura giggled.

Sasuke closes his eyes and a smile ghosts his lips. So were you, Sasuke thinks, but doesn’t verbalize.

“She’s ours,” Sasuke murmurs. Sounding almost as if he didn’t believe it although it has already been twelve years.

Sakura walks over to the bed and sits on the floor in front of Sasuke. She lightly rests her head on his lap, on top of her arms. She feels warm, cozy, and content. Sasuke raises himself up and looks down on her resting head, his hand moving to stroke the pink hair in his lap. Sakura peeks up over her arms at Sasuke, her green eyes shining in the dim light. Sakura gazes up at her husband’s face, looking at the lines in his face and the shadows darkening his eyes. Still ever so handsome, he looks so very tired, weary, and exhausted. Sasuke continues to stroke her hair and neither of them utter a word and just enjoy each other’s company, despite the silence. The still summer air feels comfortable, settling around and enveloping the both of them in a soft bubble of warmth. Time almost seems to stand still as both of them reflect on their past, present, and future together.

“How have you been? The mission must be hard on you,” Sakura breaks the silence.

“It’s tiring,” Sasuke agrees.

“You’re ready to come home aren’t you?”

“Aa, but the mission isn’t done yet. Almost, but not yet.”

“I know. I know you have to leave again.”

“Well, Shin’s defeated, so I can stay for a week or two.”

“Sarada would like that.”

“I thought you would like that too,” Sasuke teases, ruffling his wife’s hair.

“Hey! Stop that!” Sakura giggles, trying to catch Sasuke’s hand.

“I like your hair.”

Sakura catches his hand and holds it, and the couple lapses back into a pleasant silence.

“I’m happy,” Sakura says, burying her face in Sasuke’s lap, still grasping his hand.

Sasuke looks at Sakura for a long time, not saying anything. He looks at the woman he had grown up with, almost killed, traveled with, and had feelings for the longest time which he did not understand. At least, that’s what he had always told himself, but he knew deep inside, he had buried away the feelings of love he had felt toward her ever since they were only genin. Sasuke, at the time, thought he would never deserve her or her love, especially since he had repeatedly torn her heart to pieces. Over time, she had grown stronger, kinder, more beautiful, loving, and understanding. He remembers before how after months of journey, their reunions would end bitterly, with her crying, begging him to stay by her side and come home. Now, she didn’t. Sakura knows he would always be hers and she would always be his, no matter the length of time or distance. No matter what, he would come home. She has pure faith in him and is content because this is how Sasuke and Sakura Uchiha worked. They are a couple not overt in their affections publicly, as their connection is deep. This arrangement didn’t work for most couples or make much sense to many others, for that matter. The couple paid no heed to the villagers that whispered how tragic the Uchiha family was, for Sasuke to leave his wife and young daughter behind for years for the sake of a mission. The villagers simply didn’t understand their dynamic.

“I’m happy,” Sakura repeats, words muffled in his lap. Sasuke could feel Sakura’s hot tears seeping through his pants.

“Me too.”

Sasuke pulls his hand from Sakura’s, resting it on her head.

Patting her head gently, “Look at me.”

Sakura slowly raises her head and looks up at him. Streaks of her tears linger on her cheeks, her eyes and nose are red, and her eyeliner slightly smudged.

She has never looked more beautiful.

Sasuke pulls Sakura from the floor and onto his lap. Sakura immediately buries her face into the crook of his neck, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. Sasuke places his right hand lightly onto the small of her back, rubbing gentle circles, as she continues to cry silently.

“Why are you crying?”

“Because I’m so happy to see you. Because I’m so happy you and Sarada-chan got to see each other. Because–”

“Shh…” Sasuke shushes her and draws her head back from his neck. Gently he kisses her tears away.

Taking her chin in his hand, tilting her face towards his, he presses his lips to hers.

“Thank you,” Sasuke whispers in her ear. He begins to trail light kisses from her ear, along her jawline and down her neck. He savors Sakura’s pretty sighs, reminiscent of a time when Sarada was conceived.

“I think this is the last time I have to go. The last leg of the mission.”

“We’ll be waiting.”

“I know.”

Sasuke continues to kiss the lovely porcelain skin on her neck, he begins to suck gently at her collar bone as his hand begins to unbutton the collar on her shirt. He notes with appreciation that Sakura’s breath hitches in anticipation as his lips moves lower towards her chest. Sakura’s hands are in his hair, tugging slightly. Sasuke allows his wife to pull him in for a fierce and passionate kiss. Sasuke shifts slightly so he can press Sakura into the bed. They separate, breathless from the kiss.

“I’ve missed this…” Sakura breathes.

Propping himself on the remnant of his left arm, Sasuke pokes his wife’s forehead in response. She giggles, a high tinkling sound to his ears. Sasuke rests his forehead on hers and smiles at her laughter. It’s a smile only Sakura is privy to.

“Want to keep going?” Sasuke teases.

“Is that even a question?”

“Hn. Guess not.”

Sasuke’s lips are about to descend on his wife’s neck once more, when he suddenly finds himself stopped by several fingers against his lips. Irritated, he looks at Sakura whose eyes are sparkling with mirth and mischief.

“I want to try something new,” she laughs.

Curious, Sasuke lifts himself off of her when she prompts him to. Sakura stands, walks to the desk and shuffles some papers around. When she finds what she’s looking for, she heads over to the door with a painted paper talisman in hand. Attaching it to the door, she makes several hand seals and the talisman glows a faint blue in color and the color eventually fades. A smile spreads across Sakura’s face triumphantly and she beams at her husband.

“What are you doing?”

“It’s a sound-canceling genjutsu I invented! Now, it’s good for stealth missions, but it’s also good for you know… we can be as loud as we want darling.” Sakura winks.

Sasuke smirks, “Come here.”

The two continued where they left off. It is a night of love and passion, though it’s slightly wistful. It is a night where two people, undoubtedly bound by fate, connect on an even deeper level and continue to do so with every consummation of their love. A man, who had overcome a dark and tragic past and has learned to achieve happiness with the woman who had never given up on him and had always loved him. It was such a profound, unconditional love that had made a much younger Sasuke, question why he had been bestowed with such fortune that he didn’t think he deserved. However, with time, he came to learn and accept that he made her happy.

After their intense love-making, they lay amongst the sheets with Sakura asleep on Sasuke’s chest. Sasuke brushes her hair away from her sleeping face with his hand. Looking down on her beautiful, content and happy face, Sasuke no longer questions whether he deserves her or the family he made with her. There was nothing quite like the feeling of knowing, that he made her happy. Sasuke never thought he could make someone happy just by being himself. And for how little he had valued himself as a person in the past, knowing that someone needed him till the end, like Sakura did, made him give his all in protecting his family.

Sasuke places a gentle kiss on Sakura’s forehead.

“Thank you,” he whispers again into the darkness.

———————————————————————————————————–

Thanks for reading. ^_^

[mutantsrisingrpg]

Congratulations DANI! You’ve been accepted as HYDRA with a FC change to TONY THORNBURG and a name change to SOUMA.

Dani, I’ll be honest when I say I was a little nervous about switching Hydra’s fc. But, your app put all of those worries to rest the moment I got to reading it! Souma is someone that is defined by the moments in his life, each and every situation he’s been in has brought him to where he is now. His worry of being the current boss of Kings and what they means in regards to his relationships was something we loved reading about. We’re so excited to see him on the dash! 

Welcome to Mutants Rising! Please read the checklist and submit your account within 24 hours.

Out of Character Information:

NAME/ALIAS: Dani

PRONOUNS: She/Her

AGE: 25

TIMEZONE & ACTIVITY LEVEL: GMT -4:00. And as for activity, I’m a lawyer with a 9-5 job working from home so, somedays will be busier than others but I always have time to post a few replies, it shouldn’t be too bad.

In Character Information:

DESIRED ROLE: Hydra

GENDER/PRONOUNS: Cisgender male - He/him

DETAILS & ANALYSIS:

Hydra is the product of too much potential being used for the wrong reasons; not quite wasted, but twisted into something darker than it should’ve been in its beginnings. I see him as someone who’s quiet and contemplative, observant, careful. He never takes a step out of line, unless it has been calculated many times over. He makes no mistakes and trusts no one, often seen as cold and emotionless but deep down he’s burning anger, resentment and a need to protect those around him without leaving a trace.

That being said, he is still a very charismatic man. He’s quick and smug and witty, granting a confident smile to those who deserve it or need it, and he’s willing to do whatever it takes to achieve his goals. Knowledge is power, and for the chosen one who gets to manipulate it, all the other pieces of to board are pawns.

Learning is the way to keep his position. His powers have branded him a danger to society, yet he loves what he can do with them. He hungers, always. More. It’s never enough. Learning was always what he wanted to do, be the best, prove others how capable he was, and even though it landed him in a dangerous place for a while, it also put him in the right position to achieve his goals. Too much pride, they’d say, and they’r be right when they see the corner of his lips twitch into a cocky smile. His training has made him powerful and strong, and the more power he has, the more he can make sure others like him aren’t being hunted down for who they are.

Lastly, although it doesn’t seem like it, Hydra cares deeply. Although he keeps an air of composure and solitude, he cares for those around him. The position of underboss have made him responsible, but it is a burden he’s willing to take for the right to make a choice. Loving means sacrifice, and he’s willing to sacrifice everything. The mutants are his people, his kin, and mere humans - simple, flawed, jealous - could never take away what they are. If need be, he would wipe humanity’s knowledge of the world just to watch them fret as his people leaves them in the past.

BIO - TW: Death, Human Experimentation

I. LESSON - Men could not be both intelligent and happy. Ignorance, as many other things, was indeed bliss. A lesson Souma learnt at a very young age.

A product of the mind, and not love. Both Souma and his older brother were planned in a laboratory, conceived and tested from the moment they were born. Brilliant minds, their parents, making a profit of their own powers and selling their sons to those who were beneath them. Humans were flawed, but their eyes shone bright and curious when they saw the two brothers playing with each other - one making the other forget how to run, how to go downstairs, how to read, while the other enhanced and took away the other’s ability to do exactly the same thing.

Knowledge and abilities. Two sides of the same coin.

They were profitable, the two of them. A gold mine, some said. There would be a time when mankind would have to fight mutants for their rights to a normal life, and what better way to fight than to meet them in equal ground? They held no love for mutants, but when you were faced with a monster who could take your knowledge, your memories, mess with your mind and burst into flame… they had to find a way to stop them. And they did. Or at least, they thought they did.

Testing began as soon as they were discovered. Their parents disappeared. Dead, perhaps? Disposable once they handed over the boys? And as big of a loss as it was, life was way more complicated than that. They separated them, Souma in the library, reading every book on the shelves with hungry eyes and a curious mind, and his brother in training for every fighting style, military strategy, all his body could learn. Mind and body, the perfect combination.

Life was easy for a while. The scientists were strict but kind and they allowed the boys to live a somewhat normal life - going out, going to school, experiencing the world (a fact Souma would later recognize as yet another way of controlling them. Happy subjects are always easier to manipulate). And so the years went by.

But they got desperate.

Mutant numbers started to grow. Their people, hunted and prosecuted for who they were, and humans were scared. Scared enough to take more extreme measures. Training became harder, eyes burning, limbs sore, noses bloodied from using their powers too much. Yet, they endured. The pitched the boys against each other as a game. What was more important, knowledge or ability? Body or mind? They fought and bled and cried, but no matter what they did, they could not find a way to extract their powers from them. Their perfect weapons, imperfect in their uniqueness.

Flawed. Too powerful.

A quiet conversation in the hallways, overhead by them when they were sneaking out to drink - now sixteen and desperate to be free. Sold, they said. Testing subjects. A secret pact with the Americans to turn them against their own, brainwash them, make them the weapon they were always meant to be.

They ran. At least, they tried.

His brother didn’t make it. Shot in the back before he could react. Souma made the man forget how to breathe. It was enough of a window to grab his gun and kill him while he gasped in desperation.

At the end, mind had won. A lesson he never meant to learn.

II. FREEDOM - Freedom wasn’t everything he thought it would be. It was strange, walking down the streets, passing people who were supposed to be hunting him down like a wild animal, and see them stare at him with a blank look in their eyes. A dangerous power, to make everyone forget you exist.

Japan was too dangerous, too painful now that he was on his own. Besides, word traveled fast. News of a man - Benjamin Granger, a mutant. Immortal. Someone who fought for what was right from the shadows.

So he left and never looked back.

It was in the Public Library that Benjamin found him, a year or so after he arrived to the States. No words were needed when knowledge was already shared. Benjamin smiled and so did Souma, a shadow tracing his steps, erasing the knowledge on every shady thing Benjamin did, helping his cause. Their cause. Their people.

The man offered him a home, a family, a purpose. He saw a chance to destroy those who would see them as less.

Someone had to be willing to watch Alexandria burn, and the world’s knowledge with it.

EXPANDED CONNECTIONS:

Neve Kaplan - Losing a brother felt like losing a limb, yet finding Neve meant getting a second chance. He loves her, he’d do anything for her in the quiet way the trees grant oxygen or the wind carries sound. It wasn’t easy at first, to trust again and make himself vulnerable, to promise himself to protect no matter the cost, yet here he was, willing to keep the biggest of secrets for her. He knows, and that’s all everyone should know. Benjamin isn’t a good man, but he was eternal. A protector, someone who could be there no matter what. Neve wasn’t, and neither was him. If his mission was to protect all mutants, then Benjamin had the better chance, and as his second, it was Hydra’s duty to protect him. A mission he failed horribly, and now he finds himself filling shoes he never meant to walk in. He wonders, however, how Neve would take it. Would her loyalties lie with him or would she see Benjamin’s face in his when he led the mutants to a brighter future?

Abigail Imani - A twist of fate, truly. There was always tension between them, one smug smile and sharp words, a battle of the minds. He respects her for her abilities, and wishes he had hers as well. Greedy, always greedy, yet here they were, years into the future and still butting heads. He wonders how things will change now, in Miami, a different place and time and now, his… enemy? thorn in his side? Whatever she was, she was also his second in command. They needed to bury the past, once and for all, and as much as Abigail got on every single one of his nerves, he’d have to learn to trust and work closely with her. History had taught him to keep his enemies closer. Although he wonders if that’s what she is.

EXTRA:

- Pinterest board: https://www.pinterest.cl/danielarossi_8/oc-souma-yamada/ - Playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRZzyl8UJjYezx14yCxVWtRrgWumzt-_8 - Mockblog (or, you know, might as well make it my real blog if I get accepted): https://chxshiki.tumblr.com/

ANYTHING ELSE: Well, his name would have to be changed. As we’ve spoken, if I get accepted, we can discuss it, but I would suggest the names Saito, Sanan or Souma?

[dezembergirl]

Mr. Darcy

Umm, I guess I’m sorry for not posting it what feels like half a year *hides behind the list of excuses I prepared*

But in all seriousness, I’m sorry. I’ve been super busy and uni just doesn’t go well with writing regularly. So I’m actually proud I finished this. Although its a little rushed I hope you enjoy it!

If you have any inspiration for the next part, leave me a comment. I can’t promise regular updates, but I I will try. <3

Part of a series (part one, part two, part three, part four and five) (as always inspired by @nonibanoni)

Fandom: Skam

Pairing: Noorhelm

originally published to ao3

Noora had already crossed half of the school yard before Nissen when a routine grip into her backpack made her freeze mid step. The usual mess of books, pencils and separate strips of gum that were her backpack was disrupted by a soft piece of knitted wool. Noora frowned and the creases on her forehead deepened when the memories of last night came back to her.

They had been watching a movie at his apartment with Noora curled against William’s side. He had made her another cup of cocoa and given her his biggest smile yet when Noora had taken a sip and concluded it was better than the store made one from earlier in the day. The chocolate trickling down her throat had warmed her but the cold from their stroll had still remained in her limbs.

«Never would have guessed you being so cold sensitive.» William had mumbled against her ear while tugging a plain grey blanket around her torso.

Noora had bitten her lip at that but hadn’t found a fitting response - silence was always preferable to a flimsy comeback. The blanket cocoon and Williams arm wrapped around her shoulder had brought her body back to a tolerable temperature. Well that and the not so infrequent kisses they had sneaked back and forth throughout the movie. A few times his lips had even trailed from hers to wander across her neck. Noora only prayed he hadn’t left any visible marks that might cause awkward questions which she couldn’t very well answer. With every peck her lips had softened to his and by the time the end credits rolled across William’s fittingly oversized tv screen, Noora had been completely drawn under his spell. So much so in fact that she hadn’t even tried to refuse him wrapping his scarf - the one she had already borrowed for there not-a-date date earlier -around her bare neck before driving her home.

Stealing one’s boyfriend’s clothing was an incredibly cliché thing to do and Noora had never really seen the appeal in it. Not that she had never considered the idea. She had seen Eva’s impressive collection of snatched sweaters first hand countless times. It somehow felt wrong to take something that didn’t belong to her. Noora knew she shouldn’t feel as guilty as she did. It wasn’t like she stole his scarf on purpose in the first place. It had been an honest mistake and he had not demanded it back either. Still she hated being in his debt, even for a silly thing like this.

Noora’s fingers curled around the softly knitted material - she would have to return it. The idea was so silly she almost had to laugh out loud. Noora Sætre, the girl that valued nothing more than her own independence, was threatened by a feeble scarf. It wasn’t the item itself that unnerved her, but the very likely possibility of William using it to force her into seeing him again. Yesterday been wonderful and she was well aware that she probably liked him more than she should and it was exactly because of that undeniable attraction that she had to lay low for a couple of days. The scarf needed to be returned, as soon as possible. She huffed and was about to take it out of her backpack for better inspection.

«Noora, so good to see you.» Vilde hurried up the steps to catch up with her. The scarf in one hand and her brows furrowed Noora turned around.

«I was so worried about you. Eva told me you took off early Friday. But you really can’t just leave like that, without telling anyone, Noora.» Shit, she had completely forgotten about the aftermath of the Penetrator party. Her mouth opened but Vilde’s forward statement had caught her off guard. She closed her mouth again and with a haste that didn’t fit her normal calm composure she forced the scarf back into the depths of her backpack. Vilde followed her hands and pushed her head to the side with a questioning look dancing across her face.

«Noora, what is going on?» Vilde squinted her eyes to try and see what Noora was doing a very bad job of hiding from her.

«Nothing» she swung the backpack over her shoulder and gave Vilde a reassuring smile. «I … I just forgot my Englisch paper at the apartment. Eskild loves going through my stuff, so yeah.» a nervous giggle escaped her lips and Vilde’s eyes grew even wider. The awkward pause that followed resulted in Noora biting her lip and forcing herself to look anywhere but her friends inquisitive eyes.

When Vilde finally spoke again, the discomfort of the situation became glaringly obvious. «Okay, you can borrow mine if you want.» Noora deflated in relief and was about to resume their walk across the yard when Vilde crossed her arms before her oversized down jacket. «What’s going on, Noora? You’re hiding something and I know it!» the possibility of new exciting gossip suddenly litt up her eyes. Noora huffed and was about to tell Vilde off, explaining how some people disliked the idea of having their private lives echoed across the school yard and in consequence the whole damn school.

But before she could even attempt to open her mouth in protest. Eva scooted around the corner and a little out of breath added to Noora’s demise. «Who’s hiding what?»

She looked excitedly between Noora and Vilde, who almost squealed in delight at having a witness to her commencing interrogation. «Noora isn’t telling us something. She’s been acting weird all week.» Noora rolled her eyes. «I have not.»

«You did and I’m not stupid you know.» Vilde swung into full gear. «First you disappear from the party on Friday without a word.»

«I was tired and went home.» Now it was Noora’s turn to cross her arms in annoyance.

«Then you don’t write back for like a whole day?» Vilde was ticking each incriminatory observation off on her fingers. «You disappear again after school yesterday and whatever you have in your backpack, I’m sure its something your new girlfriend gave you.» she finished with a satisfactory smirk.

Noora never blushed but she did now. The almost painful accuracy of what Vilde had just deducted fired her cheeks bright crimson. She pursed her lips and did her best to send Eva beside her - who apparently found no shame in straight out laughing at the whole situation - her most menacing glare.

«I do not have a girlfriend» at least that part wasn’t a lie «and I really don’t appreciate you following my every move.» Noora retorted but Vilde only seemed to take her defense as further confirmation of an underlying plot that she had yet to discover.

Noora had never been this thankful to hear the bell shrill inside Nissen’s walls. Without another word - but nevertheless two sharp looks directed at Vide and Eva - she pulled on Eva’s arm forcing her into the B building. «We’ve been late to Spanish twice already this semester and we don’t wanna risk detention, right?» she growled at her beanie clad friend.

«I surrender.» Eva held her hands up in mock defense «but you are in deep trouble. Vilde won’t let this one go so easily.»

Noora gritted her teeth. Eva was right, this one was far from over.

-

The morning lessons dragged on and recess carried over into their afternoon classes without any notable occurrences but Noora was almost glad for the slow day. She had no shared classed with Vilde but Eva’s knowing glances were agonizing enough. Plus the scarf was still in her backpack, which she made sure to keep an eye on at all times. The last thing Noora needed right now was someone tracing it back to William - she was almost certain she had witnessed him wear it at school at multiple instances.

She could try and find out about William’s class schedule but they had no mutual friends and the only conceivable person she could think of to ask, was not a possibility. Vilde, who had never seen the need in hiding her unending obsession with William, had no doubt memorized his entire timetable. Noora could try and look for him in the yard or the cafeteria but what where the chances of actually meeting him and she had no idea how she would justify her recurring disappearance to her friends.

Noora twisted her pen while Eva struggled with a Spanish crossword puzzle beside her. The whole situation was all due to her recklessness last night - something she swore to herself couldn’t happen again. It would be useless to look for William between her lessons. Even if she managed to find him she couldn’t very well approach him out of the blue. He was never alone and Noora was not about to embarrass  herself in front of the Penetrators. The thought alone made her grit her teeth and slump against the back of her chair. Her pen tapped against the finished paper and she let her gaze wander around the pale class room walls. Most of her class mates were hunched over their desks and it was impossible to tell if they actually focused on the exercise or rather their phones - the latter was more likely.

She could text William of course. Not that she hadn’t thought of that before. Her inner need for control had lead to her scrolling through their exchanged messages since Friday during the last quarter of her Norwegian lesson. Whatever this was between them, it was progressing faster than she had anticipated and that fact alone made her nerves recoil in mute panic. Noora wasn’t shy to admit to her inner control freak. Eskild had remarked on that very fact countless times; how her closet was never messy, her part of the fridge always in perfect order or how she hadn’t skipped a single day of classes since coming back to Oslo. But now that her naturally anxious mind mixed with a secret romance she had to hide from - well - everyone, something was bound to go wrong. Noora couldn’t text him. He had always been the one to initiate their conversations and her writing him in the middle of class would only encourage him even more in his pursuits. It was the last thing she needed.

When her attention driftet back to the finished crossword in front of her, Noora noticed that Eva had managed to find the better part of the words and was now watching her expectantly.

«What?» Noora stopped tapping her pen.

«Nothing» Eva pursed her lips to hide a smirk «It’s just, I think Vilde hit the nail square on the head. You’re hiding something, or better someone.»

«Well, I am not and I really don’t care anymore if you believe me or not.» she retraced the already written letters on her paper.

«Noora Amalie Sætre» - wasn’t it enough that William apparently loved saying her full name every chance he got; now Eva had to adopted the habit as well? - «for all the intelligent things you say, you’re a fucking terrible liar.» Noora only rolled her eyes in response. Eva looked almost as pleased with herself as Vilde had earlier.

«What’s really in your backpack?» Eva pocked at her sweater. «He isn’t writing you secret love letters, is he?» her eyes grew big.

«Oh my god, why the hell would you even think that?» Noora forced out, careful not to raise her voice too much.

«I don’t know if you’ve encountered a mirror today, but…» Eva gave her a shameless grin.

«What?» Noora almost squeaked, already dreading the answer.

«Well, I mean the turtle neck helps but you kind of have a …» Eva coughed to suppress a laugh and motioned at her own neck «… a spot on your … your neck.» Noora almost gasp out loud.

«What?» she tried to surprise the rising panic while she scrambled for her phone and opened the front camera. Her fingers scoured the pale skin on her neck and sure enough there was a light purple mark visible just above her collar bone «Oh god.»

«Don’t worry, it’s not very noticeable. Just keep your sweater up and you’ll be fine.» Eva couldn’t resist a smile «It’s actually kind of cute.»

«I really can’t get any worse.» Noora buried her head in her hands and evaded Eva’s sharp eyes.

«So, are you gonna tell me what was so embarrassing you’ve practically been sitting on you backpack all day?»

«No, not really.»

«Oh, come on» ,Eva scoffed. «You’re no fun today.»

«Please, just let it go.» she almost begged, being painful aware of hoe red her face must have gotten in the past ten minutes.

«Okay … but you’ll have to tell me at some point.» Eva waved her pencil at her in a scolding motion. «If it’s really a love letter, I need to know. William might be a secret Mr. Darcy.» Eva widened her eyes at her own imagination.

«Oh my god, no. It’s not a freaking love letter.»

She really needed to get rid of the damn scarf, and soon.

-

When they finished Spanish and before Eva could drag her off to meet up with the others, Noora excused herself to the bathroom - ignoring Eva’s knowing looks. She rested her backpack next to the sinks and pulled out her phone.

Noora: Can I meet you after school? I’m off at 16:10

She sent the message and gnawed at her lip as she waiting for a reply. Not a full minute later the three dots appeared and her nails started to tap again her phone in a matching rhythm.

William: Sure, already miss me that much?

Noora: Not really, but I need to return something

William: Ok

Then nothing, and Noora started to wonder if texting him had been the best idea. She couldn’t estimate his response to her wanting to return the scarf. Would he find it silly or even be hurt by it? Her nerves went into overdrive once again.

William: 14:20 at my car

Noora exhaled. Now it would only be a matter of shaking off Eva with whom she had the last class together.

-

Apparently she had endured enough embarrassment for today, because when the last bell rang Eva announced that she had dance practice and took off without another cheeky comment about Noora’s situation. Maybe she had just wanted to spare Noora any further embarrassments. Either way, she was glad not to have to find an excuse to sneak off to William’s car.

William was already leaning against said car and the light coming from the street lamps hit him just right in that moment. Noora bit her lip, compelling herself to keep the fluttering tingles in her stomach at bay. The past days had awoken a part of her that had a taken a liking to defying all reason. Realizing how weird she must look, standing there eying William from afar, she paced towards the car.

His head was shielded from her view by the usual gray hoody and his eyes were distracted by his phone - most likely texting Chris. The neatly tucked away pieces of dark hair sneak out from the hoodie. Noora pursed her lips but the smile still spread across her face.

«Hey» she leaned against the car just inches away from him, breathing the words as close to his ear as possible. And just like she had when he had whispered into her ear in the school corridor his body jumped and Williams eyes widened in a moment of shock.

Satisfied with his reaction, Noora tilted her head and smirked at him.

«Missing something?» she dragged the zipper on her backpack open.

«Besides you, you mean.» William pushes his hair back into the hoodie.

Noora had to restrain herself from rolling her eyes for what felt the hundredth time this day. «I’m being serious.»

«Me too.» William curls his lips upwards and pushed off the side of the car. They are barely a twenty meters away from the B building but to her own surprise Noora didn’t retreat back when he reached for her hand. He is careful when he touched her and his hand gently pulled hers closer until she found herself enveloped in his arms. «I mean it, Noora. Knowing you’re just a few classrooms away and being unable to see you is torturous.»

Noora smiled and relaxed into the hug. Her inner rational self scolded her for enjoying this, but hearing him say it out loud - how he missed her even though it hasn’t even been 24 hours - felt good. «You’re exaggerating.» she whispered and lets out a squeal when he suddenly retreated and let her fall back against the car.

«Don’t mock my honest feelings, Sætre.» William playfully shook his finger at her.

«Well, you do deserve it.» she crossed her arms and leaned against the hood of his car.

«What for?» he flipped his hair back for the millionth time.

«For leaving me to explain this to Eva!» Noora forgot all about the backpack lying on the ground and reached up to her neck, pulling the cream coloured fabric of her turtle neck sweater down to the line of er collarbones.

Williams eyes widened in surprise for a moment but he quickly recovered and Noora gasped in outrage when he proceeded to lick his lips. His eyes narrowed and he didn’t look the least bit ashamed when they roamed across the bare skin of her neck, examining the purple mark.

«Stop looking so god damn smug.» she gave his chest a playful push and his eyes flickered back up to meet hers.

«Sorry, I apologize.» he smirked at her.

«You don’t really mean that.» Noora tightened her grip on his chest, effectively latching onto his hoodie.

«No.» his smile grew when she hit him with another light punch. «I mean, I am sorry for the situation it got you in, but I certainly won’t apologize for kissing you.»

She opened her mouth to retort something clever and for the second time in two hours her mind was empty for a fitting response.

«You don’t regret it either, do you?» he moved closer to her ear, pushing her tighter against his car in the progress.

No, she didn’t but in that moment Noora would have given anything not to having to admit that out loud. The memory of last night, the movie - its plot she could hardly remember - and William kissing her with increased frequency made her cheeks flame with heat. She sensed her resolve weakening when his hand found her neck and sneaked higher into her hair. His second hand slipped under her coat to rest against her waist and she felt heat pool in her body.

«William» she murmured.

«Mhm» his breath was hot in contrast to the chilly spring temperatures and the contact drew goose bumps across her skin. Her protest evaporated into nothing more than a content sigh when his lips finally found her bottom one. Her nerve endings buzzed with excitement and his torturously slow movements left her aching for more. This was so much better than the crappy love letters Eva had been fantasizing about. But before either of them had a chance to deepen the kiss the car parked two spots to their left kicked into action and Noora jumped backwards at the sound of the roaring motor.

Her already racing heart threatened to explode in her chest and William - who looked surprised but nowhere near as shocked as she felt - burst into laughter.

«Not funny.» Noora sent him a threatening look but he only liked over his lips and shrugged his shoulders. «You should have seen your face, priceless.»

«Unbelievable» she huffed and picked her discarded backpack up from the floor. She tugged the scarf free from her books and all but smashed the thing into his face. That only made him laugh louder.

«Sorry. Okay, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.» he scrambled to catch the scarf and without another look disregarded it to the hood of his car. Noora followed his hands and wasn’t sure if she should be astonished or frustrated with him. Either way she envied the carefree attitude he handled all of this - whatever this was between them - with.

«A cup of cocoa to make it up to you?» he pulled her closer again. But this time Noora was quicker and dipped under his arm and away from his car.

«Not today. I do have other things to do in my life than sipping cocoa and watching movies at your apartment you know.» with that she gave him one last peck and hurried out of the parking lot.

Noora certainly did look forward to the next time she could spent all day with him and his hot cocoa. She would have her revenge for the hicky.

[donnerpartyofone]

ramblings

honestly i hate it when people use this word in their content or URLs. i hate it as much and in the same way that i hate the overuse of the word “random”. both represent tactics designed to absolve the user of any obligation to communicate clearly, stand by their opinions, or otherwise allow that the things they choose to do and say and support are symptomatic of who they really are as an individual--as if the things that you engage with are just “something that happened”, like the weather, and there’s some separate secret “you” that has nothing to do with the waves of activity that appear to emanate from your person. not that everything has to be a manifesto, but constantly qualifying your every action or feeling as chaotic and indeterminate is insecure at best and fraudulent at worst. at any degree of severity, it is at the very least just fucking annoying.

but, i’m thinking about quitting tumblr again, and this line of thought could probably be safely categorized as a ramble. i mean i’ve been thinking about it for years, as much as anybody of my vintage does, although my ordinary complaints have just had to do with obnoxious technical and community issues. this net neutrality disaster is really pushing my buttons. can i really afford, mentally, to keep using a yahoo product? but the thing is, as soon as i think this, i’m assailed by internal synthetic echoes of the kinds of radical voices i’ve absorbed from tumblr itself. this is one of my worst personal problems, that i internalize other people’s voices with extreme success. so, as soon as i think about boycotting yahoo by leaving tumblr, i involuntarily imagine someone telling me that i’m an elitist pig for theatrically divorcing myself from a major corporation when many people, who are perhaps the most victimized by corporate behavior, can’t even choose to remove toxic corporate material from their lives, and that my empty gesture is even less than symbolic when i don’t know who picked the orange sitting on my desk and i’m typing this out using a slave-manufactured Apple product furnished by my employer who rather famously tortures its blue collar employees. this morning i was feeling good about using up leftovers for my lunch instead of letting them turn into climate-destroying food waste, until i thought about where the stray mayo packet i just used was going to wind up, and moreover where the plastic bag i used to tie up that trash was going to wind up, and what an asshole i was for thinking about how i can recycle the tin foil i wrapped my sandwich in when in fact recycling plants have been linked to cancer in their employees. i may have congratulated myself this morning for repairing my thrifted shoes with glue instead of throwing them out and replacing them, but the fact that they’re under my feet right now and for as long as i can keep them doesn’t affect the fact that some animal is going to be choking on them when i can no longer make use of them. so, the same internalized radical voice that calls me a huge piece of shit for participating in this or that march or protest, even though i do vote and i do put money toward needs and causes when i can, that voice is definitely here to tell me that dramatically leaving tumblr after seven years makes me at least as much of an asshole as does continuing to use it.

if you exist anywhere left of center lately, your available political energy is pretty routinely sapped by infighting that seems to insist that if your intentions as well as your strategies are not absolutely virginally pure, then you need to just shut the fuck up and pull on your hair shirt and bury yourself alive until a real rain comes to wash all the scum off the streets. it’s like, no progress shall be made until a progress arrives that simultaneously and equally improves all areas of life, leaving no remote potential for debate in its glistening wake. nothing you do matters because everything you do is evil and there is no shortage of people who can prove it to you. the cultural climate i live in has made me really adept at proving it to myself. like the second you think even of certain A list celebrities who use the rewards of their meteoric careers in order to give back to their communities, you can say, well, what’s the carbon footprint of one of their concerts? what’s the point of doing anything at all? it feels like there are really just two ways you can live your life: you can aim for self-actualization, which may do wonders for your personal identity but which seems to require constant material sacrifice on the part of everything around you, OR you can relegate yourself to some sort of extreme jainist existence in which you deprive yourself of every personal indulgence to the point that your individuality is so degraded that the question of the meaning of your life looms larger than ever in relief.

there’s also the question, as evidenced by all this leftist infighting, of who is even smart enough to think of as much as one thing to do that’s actually a good thing to do. even if i were to let go of my entire life as it is to commit myself puritanically to some cause, it seems like a sure thing that i’d pick the wrong cause, with a world of negative side effects for other causes. and on the general matter of choosing sides, i don’t even think i know what, like, anything is anymore. i saw this post float by the other day that said something about how sick the OP was of the fierce leftist protection of sexual predators, as if defending rapists were a popular tenant in left-of-center parties, and the post had tens of thousands of notes and i just couldn’t figure out what the fuck it was even referring to from real life. i understand that there’s a lot of talk about how, speaking in very limited terms, “democrats are as bad as republicans”, and i understand what that’s about structurally speaking, but as far as “left” and “right” goes it seems like the language has completely broken down to the point that it doesn’t even refer to anything anymore other than some almost facelessly broad ideas about whether you think the government should help you or leave you alone about X. maybe what i’m really trying to say here is just that i have no idea what the fuck anyone is talking about to the point that just being alive is like being permanently trapped in some foreign country without a single cent of local currency.

so anyway, once i’ve achieved a subterranean level of depression over the fucked up shit that happens as a direct result of every minute that i even exist on the planet earth, i ALSO start to collapse under the slings and arrows of another internalized voice, that of a shitheaded rightwing alpha dog who sees guilt as a symptom of extreme weakness, of useless fragility. and to some degree that’s true, if my main state of being is this dissolving soreness, then how could i possibly be effective even at something that appears to be “the right thing to do”? and moreover it’s like if every single thing i could conceivably do with my life is categorizable as “evil”, then “evil” ceases to be a worthwhile judgment to make and abide by. everything is nothing and nothing is everything so you might as well just do whatever you want, right? but of course that’s not acceptable because in doing whatever i want, with no regard for the worldly consequences, i still feel terrible. so to try to treat that condition, i for-just-one-instance choose to go to the tiny neighborhood grocer next door to the constantly-expanding chain store right next to him, and i remember to bring cloth reusable grocery bags, which of course i know will just be choking out flora and fauna after i’m dead or stopped using them, and then the radical leftist voice in my head berates me for just “doing good” as a hollow gesture designed to make myself feel and look better, and we’re back to everything is nothing and nothing is everything all over again.

and why even worry about this, or literally anything, when at any moment we’re all going to be bombed off the face of the planet because we’ve elected, seemingly for entertainment’s sake, this scandalous id monster who isn’t even a real politician? i’m running out of these daily pills that i need for some real dumbass reasons, and i need to make an appointment for my annual medical humiliation in order to get more of them, but it’s so hard to care. over the last several years i built up a certain amount of personal pride by “being brave” and submitting myself to normal adult maintenance routines, but the more of them i’ve been through, the more they just feel like some sort of kafkaesque ritual whose only result is its own existence. and if i’m just going to boil to death in the rising oceans anyway, why bother?

the most rational idea that my tiny shitty brain is able to come up with is that the best most of us can do is to just do what feels “right”, as often as is practically feasible. so i think, well, leaving tumblr would be a thing, even if it doesn’t make a real difference in real life, it would be something i did based on a feeling of at-least-vague altruism. but then i think of all my friends here, people who are remote and in bad spots in their lives who i can at monitor in some well-meaning way, and i think about my family members here and their excellent art projects that are facilitated by this place, and like doesn’t my thought process indicate that i think all of THOSE people are evil parasites too? i mean what is the ultimate extension of the logic i’m trying to employ here? when i think about that i feel like a bigger sack of shit than ever before. then i kind of start thinking about all the people in the history of my life who have openly categorized my depression, whatever its sources and symptoms at the time, as just me being a pill, being difficult, being negative, being counterproductive, looking for attention: the explicit or tacit response being, “why don’t you just _______?” but i don’t know what this ________ is that’s supposed to replace all my feelings and behavior. i guess that’s kind of the point of this whole thing, that i have no idea what the alternative is supposed to be, to all this, and how i can “just” do that instead.

so, maybe just because it’s something to do, i’m thinking of moving over to blogspot or something that makes me feel even slightly less complicit in the actions of these cartoon villains that run everything. i understand that if i do that, then i’ll be lucky to maintain relationships with even like ten of the people whose presence here i know and love. i assume i would just continue on as normal, although without the benefit of this often-amazing kaleidoscopic font of images and ideas, and the ability to glibly inject some “hilarious” thought of mine into other people’s uptake streams, and the surprise discovery of new and exciting people via the entropy that rules my dash. or maybe i won’t risk all that, and i’ll just sit tight right here, because what really would be the actual result of my bailing? maybe i’ll just delete this later today, when i’m feeling sufficiently embarrassed and overexposed about it. i guess i’m going to go spend money i don’t deserve to make on some stuff that i don’t need to have, in a place that damages the world when i have to live in both obvious and invisible ways, while i think it over, for the rest of my natural life. 

[theladylavender]

Full Transcript of  The Abominable Bride Post-Mortem

This is for @lianneder who wanted a transcript of this video. I’ve omitted the  “um’s” and bits that I just couldn’t get, but that’s about it! There are a few times where they talk over each other and it’s nearly impossible to make out some things, but I’ve tried my best!

Note: This might not be perfect, but I have done the best that I possibly could have done under the circumstances. Feel free to let me know if I messed up! When I get a chance to rewatch this entire thing, I’ll be editing this loads.

If you ever use this post as a reference, please give me credit!

Quick Guide:

BH = Boyd Hilton

SV = Sue Vertue

MG = Mark Gatiss

SM = Steven Moffat

AA = Amanda Abbington

BH: Hi, my name is Boyd Hilton. Welcome to this very special look at “Sherlock: The Abominable Bride”. We’re calling it the “post-mortem”, so we’ve got all the key players here, and we’re going to be discussing the whole show, how they came up with it, all the secrets, so spoiler warning: if for some godforsaken reason you haven’t actually watched “The Abominable Bride” yet, please do, NOW, then come back and watch us discuss the whole thing afterwards. I’m joined by: über producer, Sue Vertue; Mark Gatiss, co-creator, executive producer, co-writer, is that fair? Yeah...

SM: Mycroft.

BH: Mycroft as well, forgot about that.

MG: Fat one, too.

BH: Steven Moffat, co-creator, co-producer, executive producer...doesn’t actually star in it, but maybe in the, you know...

MG: YES!

SM: Yes, I know...

BH: And, Amanda Abbington, of course, Mary. And we are going to be discussing the whole show. So Mark, you told us, us journalists and the world, that you were going to-

MG: LIES!

BH: Lies, basically, that you were going to do a one-off special, set in 1895, the original period of Sherlock Holmes, as written by Arthur Conan Doyle, and that was pretty much it. No idea that it was all part of this coming plan that actually included...was all taking place in Sherlock’s mind, et cetera, et cetera. So, I guess the first question, the question that everyone wants to know is: was that all part of the conception originally, that, yes you were doing a Victorian special, but at the same time, it had this key role in explaining a lot of things about what happened in the previous episode?

MG: Well yeah, I mean...first of all we knew we’d have to lie, and I mean...it’s extraordinary how people do sort of get slightly cross and you go, “Well, the alternative is we just spoiled it!”. I mean, we were never going to sit around a table with ??? and say “Actually, this is the twist!”. *laughs* Somehow we’d get blamed for that! I’m afraid it’s just what we have to do, all the time. You can never really trust anything we say, not even what I’m saying now! But yes, we conceived it completely as episode ten and, that really...as soon as it became apparent that we could do it all as if it was a recreation in his head, that he was trying to solve a crime that was like Moriarty’s death, to sort of explain how Moriarty had come back, then the conceit was there! That really, it all takes place in the minutes after he’s got the phone call on the plane and anticipating this thing...how long we could take it until you pull the rug, and we always hope that we can do it as long as possible...It was about seventy-five minutes, with the odd clue. Although we did...there some earlier clues...we actually shot some bits where Sherlock looks in the window of Baker Street and sees the modern version of himself. But it was very much...

SV: And the morgue.

MG: And the morgue, yes, in the mirror scene, which, you know, took a lot of doing. But as we’d hoped, we didn’t want to use them because it was just about trying to sell the dummy, and the moments which I find spine-tingling, and when we sat in the cinema and watched it on New Year’s Day, you could tell when Benedict says “How could he survive?”, there was a little frizzle (?) of like “Oh!”

SV: Well they’ve made an error!

MG: Yes, it’s the usual continuity error!

BH: There were lots of people...I was watching and afterwards looking back on Twitter and lots of people on Twitter kind of thinking that certain lines were a mistake, that you hadn’t stuck with the original way of speaking back then. Of course, there were little clues, right from early on in the script of what was going on. Steven, did you ever think...so if this episode had been part of the normal run and not on its own as a special, would you have done it the same way? Would it have been part of the general...or was it all down to the fact that you had--you were going to do a special?

SM: We had the idea of doing a Victorian version, and in the way we ultimately did it. But I don’t think it would’ve been right to take up a third of one of our normal runs with this. And also, you couldn’t sell the dummy as effectively if it was part of the series. It’s a special, it’s on its own, we’re doing it Victorian, never mind. And then you can genuinely, properly surprise people when it turns out not to be. Or when you start to tease them, you start to provoke them with those lines. And, as Mark says, there were a few moments that we didn’t use. When you start to sort of tease at it, “Is this for real or not”? So by making it--by having the special, and I think this is the only time we could’ve done it...If I remember, we almost didn’t manage to schedule this...and we were saying “We’re not doing this as part of the series, and any other time doing it would be too late. It has to be now.”

MG: It’s a curious thing though, actually, because we said to Benedict and Martin as well, that we could only really do it now. It was sort of conceived because we didn’t have time to do three. It’s a special now, and this idea works now, and it was kind of tight, really. ‘Cuz we couldn’t have just sort of put it as episode one and then suddenly have gone back to the future.

SV: Well also, and the importance of the Mind Palace, wasn’t it? Which, in series three, you sort of placed that in a bit more, so it didn’t come out of the blue.

SM: Well, that whole-to-the-whole “death” past sequence, as we call it in “His Last Vow”, where you know that Moriarty’s in there. You actually see him inside it, so I mean, it was fresh in the minds of the audience that he can do that.

SV: “Fresh in the minds” of two years ago!

MG: Well that’s the thing, wasn’t it--

SM: “Fresh” within reason!

BH: Well, now that you mention it, the recap...Not just a recap, but a rather wonderful way of getting us all back into it with...and every single bit of that recap kind of reflected back in this episode as well, somehow.

MG: Maybe!

SV: But also, with the recap, we were trying to disguise--we wanted to get certain bits in there, didn’t we? About, you know, him being on the plane. We wanted to show the plane, without people realizing that it was a recap so that way we did all that in the beginning.

MG: We actually had an advance screening for the people who were going to have to publicize it because we couldn’t keep everything a secret, quite a long time ago. And I remember after that...‘cuz you can lose sight of these things, you forget that, of course, the other 100% of the audience have not watched it thirty thousand times, they’ve watched it once...and I suddenly--I remember somebody thinking...I think somebody said to me, “ ‘Cuz I forgot that he was on that plane” and I went “Oh. That’s important!”. And so, conceiving the idea of a little recap that would actually be another trick, really.

SM: That is the idea, with the plane, within what seems to be a summation of the series today with the “Alternatively” bit. That was a lot of tuning for that recap.

BH: And why? Because...?

SM: We’re trying to disguise it! We can’t say it’s a recap because it’s--we’re saying it’s a stand-alone. Where’s the “stand-alone” in a recap? Well, what if we do a summation of it, a reminder of all the characters to date? Here they all are, here’s what we normally do, and then say “Alternatively”. And that way...and all that is to remind you that he’s on a plane. It’s the only piece of information you need.

BH: Amanda, I remember asking you and the whole cast when we went to visit the set, what you felt when you read the script, and of course you had to lie as well because you couldn’t reveal what you really thought when you read the script. What did you really think?

AA: I thought it was brilliant! I thought it was such a good idea that, ‘cuz I didn’t--so you read it, and you get further into it, and then it says “They land at the airport” and you go “Oh! We’ve been in his head!”. And it was a real revelation ‘cuz Martin and I, when we get the scripts, since I’ve been in the show, we read them together in the sitting-room, which is a really nice little thing we do, and we got to that scene where the plane lands, we both went “Oh this is amazing!”. Suddenly it was much more than what we thought it would be, I mean, it was brilliant.

BH: And what did you think of the whole, the sense that...I mean, were you excited about using the Victorian setting anyway?

AA: Yes, I mean there’s always something quite romantic about doing that, and I think that it was brilliant that we went back to the original time it was--It would’ve been great if we hadn’t done it. Now I’ve played Mary, traditionally, and it’s something that will be really dear to my heart because there’s such fantastic characters in that setting. So I’m glad we managed to do that.

BH: And that scene, where you’re in the black dress...it’s a classic scene. That’s a pretty good way of opening...

AA: Yeah, it was brilliant! I loved it! It was such a great reveal for her. And then we find out that she’s a suffragette, and then we find out that she works for Mycroft...and it all kind of runs alongside the modern--

MG: An entire separate spin-off series! 

SM: And presumably a much better series!

AA: Well they want to do a spin-off of--

SV: Molly and Mary.

AA: Molly and Mary, yeah.

SM: Because she’s, in that film, smarter than both versions of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson, and Mycroft is smarter than Sherlock Holmes. So we’re missing the good series! The really good series.

AA: Well you’ve got to write--you have to write “Molly and Mary”, apparently. That’s what people have been asking for. They’ve been asking for a Molly and Mary spin-off.

BH: Absolutely, yeah! Well let’s talk about the fact that Mary--

MG: There’s loads of time for that!

SM: Good to use up all that spare time!

AA: Yeah, you must!

BH: You’ll be fine!

SM: But hang on, I do need a job, don’t I?

BH: Right, yeah see! You’ve got all that extra spare time!

AA: It’s your next project!

BH: Let’s talk about Mary working for Mycroft. So what was that all about? That’s an interesting --that’s kind of a big, new development but we have to keep reminding ourselves that’s taking place in Sherlock’s mind. So why is Sherlock--

MG: Well, the rationale really was, if you can call it that, was that...really, this is all taking place super fast, really it’s minutes, as he’s inside his head and his slightly drug-induced Mind Palace trip, really. He’s sort of solving these things, but also having fun. That’s what we thought. You can excuse that all the time. It’s an elaborate construction for the benefit of the audience, but what Sherlock is doing is having fun, so he makes Mycroft grotesquely fat, he plays with things, and I think that idea of--maybe the idea of Mary working for Mycroft is sort of--it’s like a logical extension isn’t it? And also that thing of--you know, just having that line “Are you clear on that, Watson?” and then “Oh, it’s the other one!”. 

SM: There’s a problem, too. We couldn’t ignore the fact that at the end of “His Last Vow”, Mary--or during “His Last Vow, Mary is revealed to being this super agent. She can’t go back to being just the missus; she has to be the super agent in both versions. So I think that during Sherlock Holmes’ drug fit, he somehow puts them together, which makes sense. Probably in his vague paranoia.

SM: “If I were Mycroft, I’d employ Mary to look after me! That’s what I’d do!”

BH: Yeah, that makes sense, the paranoia, that definitely makes sense.

AA: And the ganging up! I like the ganging up, that was good.

SM: “All these really--all these smart people who annoy me--”

AA: “They’re being mean in my head!”

MG: I was going to say, Mycroft can hide Mary in the flap of skin under his arm, and they could go out together!

AA: Yeah, they can just tuck in! It’s lovely!

BH: Let’s talk about corpulent Mycroft. Because in the original books, he’s fat. Did you ever think, when you first started, “We could do it that way”, or did you not want to--I mean, I know you’re often seen on treadmills and you’re keeping fit...

MG: Oh, that’s--it was all about, originally...it’s the equivalence thing, which we’ve done from the beginning, and as with other aspects of it, some of them came straight away, the nicotine patches instead of a pipe, and other things it was a bit more of a puzzle but we thought--given that the Billy Wilder film “The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes” had been one of our great inspirations and Christopher Lee is not a fat Mycroft...if you take that part out of it, and concentrate on the rivalry between the two brothers, then you can use it as a little joke. So he’s worried about his weight-

SV: He struggles a bit, doesn’t he?

MG: Yeah. We did actually--I think originally, there were--he was going to have pills, which we didn’t use...sort of diet pills, or something. But obviously, Sherlock has a dig about it all the time because he knows there’s history. So again, that was the modern equivalence. Someone like Mycroft now, given that he was going to have to be actually more active than the one in the stories--who hardly moves--, he would actually do something about it but have a constant kind of worry.

SM: Because that would be the modern version of Mycroft, who sorts out his weight problem. But we--I think we’ve got a photo somewhere of the Holmes boys together as kids and young Mycroft is fat.

MG: Yes, it never appears in Sherlock, but it’s on the beach, and so that’s what it’s all about. But then obviously with The Bride, you know, Sherlock has let rip and makes him into Mr. Creosote, which obviously was a joy!

SV: Quick question for you actually, because you run now.

MG: Yeah, yeah!

SV: Did you start running...?

MG: Post that, yeah.

SV: So was it sinus-free when we put you on the running machine?

MG: I wasn’t running then. But I do run now.

BH: But getting fat Mycroft...What process did you go through for that? Did you kind of just build a fat suit?

MG: I ate and ate and ate!

AA: Yeah, and you lost it really quickly! It’s all healthy!

MG: It’s like Michael Fassbender!

SV: Big fat suit...

MG: Timothy Spaulding’s fat suit...

SV: *nodding* Timothy’s Spaulding’s fat suit...

MG: From “Britain’s Fattest Man”.

AA: Oh, was it?

SV: Yeah, it was extraordinary...It took you ages to put it on, didn’t it? And then, nobody had told you how you could actually go to the loo. That was the main problem, wasn’t it?

MG: These things are not thought about and...It’s the same like the Doctor Who monsters...People forget about you. And when you’re the size of the room, people walk past you. And I literally couldn’t go to the toilet in ages.

SV: His hands!

AA: I know! They were like little...

MG: It was properly...It is very disabling. And at lunch time, it was much easier to sit there, like that...and nod off like someone who’s forty stone would do. I had to go through doors sideways...

AA: God...

MG: It’s not heavy-heavy. It’s like a farthingale, it’s like hoops with brilliantly molded pieces...actually modeled on a real obese person. But it’s just so difficult. And with the prosthetic as well, ‘cuz it has to be constantly attended to. But it’s a brilliant piece of work, I mean really one of the best I’ve ever seen, I think it’s fantastic.

BH: I have one more question about the fatness, which is all the food...I think at the beginning of that scene, as we cut to you [Mark], you’re eating. Does that mean you had to do a lot of eating in that scene?

MG: No, I’m a professional, I’ve been doing this for years! What you eat is a grape! That’s why I’m going “Mm, delicious!”. I can eat a few grapes. I made a point in the scene of saying he should be like the Ghost of Christmas Present. That he’s on a pile of puddings and we had a wonderful caterer who made all  these Victorian jellies and partridges and these incredible pies, I mean incredible pies. And halfway through the day, she said “I’m just going to chuck it all out if nobody wants it”. And so, she actually made this great big box for me--I’ve got a picture somewhere!--So end of a very very long day, she gave it to me and I went back to the hotel and I opened it up and just went *makes a sound that mimics someone who just ate too much food*

SV: *laughs* No more quail for me!

MG: There were four quails with eggs and these massive pork pies. I mean they were beautiful, but I had to throw them away. I felt sick after all that Christmas pudding!

BH: Apart from the challenge of coming up with period food for that scene, I mean the duel of doing a period version of the show and--I mean the normal version of the show is complicated and ambitious and epic enough--but was it doubly complicated to do this version?

SV: Everything takes longer! You can’t kind of put sixty supporting artists out the back. Everyone’s got to have wigs and clothes and corsets...Closing the roads, you've got to cover every single--London’s hopeless, really, because it’s just lines and everything had to be removed, I think. But the lighting as well! 'Cuz you’ve got to use Victorian lights and candles...and it all takes longer!

MG: Luckily, though, any continuity error is because it’s in his head! Any! “Gets that bit wrong!” Doesn’t matter, anyway, deleted that bit! It’s funny because obviously you can do so much more now in post, but you still want to minimize it so that you don’t just point down modern Gower Street and say “Oh, it doesn’t matter, we’ll fix it in post!”. Because you’re going to have to fix a lot! But things creep in all the time, don’t they?

AA: A lot of roads we used when we were on location...It didn’t feel like there was going to be much done.

MG: Well, that’s why we went to Bristol and Bath.

AA: It was so lovely, going on these streets and they were all transformed into these Victorian...It was fantastic.

BH: And you also had a maze to find, as well.

SV: Oh, yeah...

BH: Where was that?

MG: Longleat!

SV: I kept trying to cut the maze! “You sure you need the maze? You sure you need the maze?”

SM: We need a scary maze! We need a scary maze.

MG: And that’s the only scary one in the world!

BH: What was the problem with the maze for you?

SV: Well technically, it was really hard to get in and film it because a lot of scaffolding and the weather was awful.

MG: Well it went in and out...

SV: It went from sunny, to rain...and also, if you know Longleat, it’s just got these very modern bits all over the place, you know, so we had to avoid all those. It was just tricky...structurally.

BH: I’m guessing the other thing that maybe you might have wanted to take out when you saw it, maybe I don’t know...the Fall? The Reichenbach Fall? I mean that seems like a terribly expensive thing!

SV: I jokingly kept saying “Let’s lose that!”

MG: We said we were prepared to lose everything apart from that! Just do that scene!

AA: It’s fantastic, that scene. It’s amazing. When I first saw it, I was like “That is just beautiful”. It’s so dramatic.

BH: Did you know how you were going to do that? Did you as writers know, roughly…”oh this is how we’ll do it, it’ll be fine!”

SM: Well we did sort of know that we didn’t want the real version. They actually did the real version in  the Jeremy Brett series, but we didn’t want that one. We wanted the one...the way it was illustrated in The Strand magazine, which isn’t actually like The Reichenbach Fall at all, and the “path cuts into the cliff-face” makes no sense, none of it makes any sense. And we wanted it to sort of look hyper-real because this is a Gothic landscape of the mind. It’s not really there, so it should look sort of satisfying and unreal, and like a storybook, that’s what we wanted. The reality of that...I hear a lot of people talking about the CGI and all that...very little CGI in that! There’s a big pull-out...they built that! It’s a waterfall, and there’s a thing, and people are talking about matte paintings and so on, and there aren’t any! They’re standing next to a waterfall, built in the studio!

MG: It was amazing...if that was a feature film, it’d have been two weeks, and we did it in a day. I think the final result, it’s just wonderful.

SV: And the day before, they had all that water and they said “We’re going to heat it up overnight so it’s not too cold in the morning”, so I said, “Fine”. I got there in the morning...no water in the tank at all! I said, “What happened?”. “It started leaking, so we had to empty the whole tank, and then start filling it!”. And water in studios is never a good thing.

AA: And actors as well, I think!

SV: Yeah!

MG: Wet actors! Wactors!

AA: Wactors are the worst!

MG: There’s a funny thing, though, because when you’re that soaked, there’s nothing you can do. Like Andrew had this lovely Moriarty suit, but his collar was like paper. And Benedict’s deerstalker, after awhile, become limp as a letter. It loses all its shape.

SV: Oh, and his tie started running, actually. We had to take all of that out and get it stitched. Actually ink...

MG: Yes it did, actually, it started to leak.

BH: So they didn’t mind getting really wet, for the sake of-?

SV, AA: No, they were fine!

MG: They were fighting in the rain!

SV: In the colder water than expected!

AA: I remember Martin coming back to the hotel...I think they had a lot of fun, actually. I know Martin said the same thing, what they managed to get in that little time was incredible. And they all, I think all three of them had a nice time, actually, and enjoyed that scene.

SV: I don’t think it was Douglas’s favorite day, really...

AA: No, but technically it must be a nightmare to film something like that.

SM: He’s proud of it, now.

SV: No, I think he’s proud of it, and there was a point when they were doing close-ups I think the next day or something, with this lametta, wasn’t it, behind them and I’m thinking “This is never gonna cut it”; it looked like some kind of Christmas shot...but it worked, brilliantly!

AA: It was very good.

BH: Under their beautiful costumes, are they wearing like wetsuits or stuff to keep them warm?

MG: They were, weren’t they?

SV: Yes.

MG: But it’s not freezing...

AA: And they were inside, it’s all inside.

MG: It’s kind of relentless, and it’s a bit like you just realize that now every part of you is wet-

AA: And you can’t get dry…

MG: It’s just heavy, you know?

AA: Yeah, it’s fine.

MG: But having a fight keeps you going, I think.

SM: And it is about as iconic as Sherlock Holmes gets. To do that, and to do it the way it sounded, the way it was illustrated originally, was incredibly exciting. I think I saw one review saying, what was it…”of course you didn’t really need that”. What do you mean “need”? We didn’t actually “need” to do anything! It’s a television program about a made-up detective solving made-up crimes!

AA: It’s in his head!

SM: It’s not actually strictly necessary! It’s Reichenbach, and it’s Sherlock Holmes, and it’s Moriarty! You don’t need Santa Claus…!

BH: There’s a lot in this episode of that, isn’t there? I felt, as a fan, giving me treats, treat after treat.

MG: I’m afraid they’re all for us, really.

SM: Yeah. You can share our treats!

BH: Reichenbach, recreating the real opening where Sherlock meets Watson and the whipping of the dead body and all of that. And there’s that wonderful scene where Sherlock and Watson are together intimately, talking about Sherlock’s past and trying to probe him a bit, which felt, to me, another great treat for us to see just a little bit of a challenge.

MG: Funny enough, quite a few of those scenes...I mean, obviously we’ve done the beginning before...but the chance to do them in the original context opened up a lot of doors. I remember saying “We need to do a scene like in ‘The Speckled Band’ where they’re staking out the house and Watson says ‘Oh god! This is the longest night of my life!’”, one of those....because there’s a lot of those, it feels like there’s a lot of those!

SM: And there’s also a moment in that script where we just sort of went “We’re going to wait outside, and then we’ll go and get involved in the adventure” and that’s what happened. We realized we actually have to stop because just pace-wise, you can’t bear it. They actually have to sit and talk. We went backwards and forwards about that scene.

MG: Also, there’s some of the best scenes out there.

AA: It’s a beautiful scene.

MG: Because we know it’s what people really love about the show, more than any spectacle and the actual crime of the week. It’s when you find a little bit more about our favourite heroes.

SM: It’s an odd sort of thing because we discussed about what were we gonna do in this scene...Doctor Watson, at some point, in any version, whatever version, must have sat Sherlock Holmes down at some point and said “Come on, what’s the truth? I know what I write, but what’s the truth? What happened?”.

MG: Do you know, I always say, being in the middle of writing series four at the moment, if anything’s a good writing exercise for the show, it’s to look at the stories and think “What did Doyle not do, in terms of what must have gone on”. If you have two men living together, at some point, even if you back-project, he would’ve asked him “Have you ever, um…”. And actually, that’s a very good way of opening new avenues…

SV: Like the best man, wasn’t it, as well.

SM: Literally, he must have been the best man.

MG: He must’ve been his best man, or with Charles Augustus Magnussen...in the original story, Charles Augustus Milverton, has an odd end where they break into Milverton’s house, and a completely unrelated character, whom he has been blackmailing, kills him, grinds her foot into his face. And then they scamper, with the police on their tails. I remember when we talked about it, it was like “No, that didn’t happen”. It’s like Doyle has actually adjusted the truth, or Watson has.

SM: It reads as though Watson’s adjusted the truth because he doesn’t want to admit that what they did was break in and shoot Milverton and he’s written this for The Strand magazine, in order to cover up...But I also wonder what Doyle was intending to write then. “I can’t actually have him shoot him in the foot!” So we restore “what is the intent?”. We just did it.

SV: I’ll leave that to the boys!

MG: You look at a story you’re very familiar with and think, “I wonder what else happened in this domestic situation that we were never privy to.”

BH: Of course the other thing that happened in the Reichenbach Fall scene is the “Elementary, my dear Watson”, at last. Did you think, “We have to do this one day” or “This is the perfect opportunity for that”?

SM: I remember I put “Elementary, my dear Watson” at the end of the first scene when he unveils Mary, and that was quite funny; it was this sort of final thing. And then we had it somewhere else, didn’t we? And then there’d been several times to the Reichenbach and thought “This is must be where he says ‘Elementary, my dear Watson’”. Just so that some pedant will say “But they never actually said that, you know!”.

MG: There’s a lot of things he never said! It still makes me fill up, that, it’s just the most wonderful place to just pop it. And actually thank God we saved it. Actually, Mycroft says it in “The Empty Hearse”, says “Elementary”, but not “My dear Watson”. But I’m so glad we held back because it’s just the right place for it.

AA: The hairs on the back of my neck went up when I saw that. It’s just a brilliant moment.

BH: And then seeing Benedict doing a swan dive. Now is that hard? He must be used to doing it by now, I guess!

AA: Diving off things!

MG: It’s all he does!

SV: Getting the wires back on again!

BH: Does it get easier doing those scenes? I mean, it looked fantastic on screen.

SV: Yeah, well that one, actually, he didn’t fly very far at all. It was only about ten foot up, was it? Yeah, but everything ran behind him.

SM: There’s a certain point when, you know, the crew’s bored...we dangle Benedict from up there! It’s fine!

MG: There’s a wonderful picture of him dangling from Bart’s with an umbrella! But he’s very gainly...But Martin and Ben are both hugely up for all that, all the physical stuff, and actually with Reichenbach Fall, he [Ben] was so brave he really wanted to do it, just hurl himself off! There was some pressure at the time with his stuntman looking nervous, and he didn’t want a stuntman!

SV: He’d been bored!

MG: Yes!

SV: “I want a go!”

MG: It’s just not true!

BH: In terms of the surprises, like for example, Andrew Scott, Moriarty coming back...is it--?

SM: The least surprising thing, ‘cuz he always comes back!

BH: I know he always comes back, but you’re used to keeping that surprise! But it’s still a delight to see him, and I had no idea he was coming back, I don’t think any other journalist did.

MG: I’ll tell you a story! At Gloucester Cathedral, with the wedding dress and all the accolades, and Andrew was smuggled in, it was a top-secret operation...He was hidden at every stage, there was like a put-you-up inside the cathedral, lots of fans outside and they nearly saw him, we got away with it completely! And then we were going to get a train back to London, Andrew and I, and they said “Come through here! We have to go through the catacombs, through this little door, through here, out the back…” Nobody there to meet us. And all the people ‘round the front just coming! And not kidding, Andrew hid behind me, and at one stage we did that thing that Sean Connery does in “Russia with Love” like pretending to be “Kiss me, kiss me!”. It was unbelievable! It was some sort of mess-up with production and we were just stranded! And then eventually...it was the least secret thing you could possibly imagine. Everyone got to the station before we did. Then we arrived in this mini bus, all the fans from the cathedral were in the station! And it still didn’t get out!

AA: Yeah, it’s amazing it didn’t!

MG: It’s a Christmas miracle!

BH: So Andrew Scott was crouching behind you...Thought you were tall!

AA: And he had to stay down in those...we had to stay down in those very dusty old catacombs.

SM: We also have to give a lot of tribute to the fans there because they have kept a lot of secrets.

AA: They were brilliant, actually. They were really good.

SM: They show up, they watch, but they don’t block set.

SV: ‘Cuz some of them had spotted him [Andrew] getting on the train.

AA: Yeah, and they didn’t say anything.

BH: He does do that.

AA: What, get on trains? He’s allowed to now; there was a period when he wasn’t allowed to.

SM: Yes, we had to insist that he was actually dead for awhile. You can’t be seen in public; you shot yourself, so! Just stay home!

SV: The same time we were filming with him, we were trying to get out of him what he’s doing with the Bond film [“Spectre”] as well!

AA: Yeah, we kept saying to him “Who are you?”.

MG: He was made of secrets!

BH: He must be the best secret-keeper in the world of acting!

AA: He really is!

SM: We’re really resenting the fact he’s keeping secrets from us.

BH: How bad!

SM: It’s just wrong. I mean how did that happen?

BH: Especially the huge Bond fans you both [Steven and Mark] are! In the wonderful scene where he’s [Moriarty] in 221B Baker Street, strutting his stuff, he licks some dust...And what’s the dust made of, or did he do it?

MG: It’s pretty grim, as I remember. There’s probably an outtake of him [Andrew], by the elephant, going *makes gagging-like noises* It was pretty grim. But he went for it. It’s his equivalent of throwing himself off a waterfall! “Do you mind licking some dust?”

BH: Of all of these treats you’ve given us, and yourselves, as you’ve said, you’re doing it partly for yourselves...what’s the greatest one for you?

MG: In the special?

BH: Yeah, in the special.

SM: Oh, Reichenbach.

MG: Reichenbach, yeah...I mean, in that way, with the modern rationale...When we did “Reichenbach Fall”, Steve Thompson was like “Well we’re obviously not going to Switzerland. What’s the equivalent? What would tie it up?”. But of course, it’s a wonderful location, the high building, it’s a brilliant episode, all those things...but secretly it’s disappointing. It’s not the waterfall. So in a Christmas pudding of treats, it was like “Oh, I know!”

SV: You two sniggling all day!

SM: That scene is the equivalent of Tom Baker turning up in the “Day of the Doctor”. Doesn’t actually need to be there, as some people have been going on about, but isn’t it great that it is?!

BH: In terms of the suffragette theme, which was fascinating--

AA: Yes!

MG: Suffragists.

SM: Yeah, suffragists.

BH: Oh sorry, suffragists, of course, yes. What did you think of that?

AA: I loved it, yeah I loved it. I loved when she says “I’m a suffragette. Get out!”. One of my favorite scenes…

MG: “Are you for or against?”

AA: Yeah. “Get out!” It’s lovely. But I was pleased that she was part of that movement. It just added to her strength and I like that.

BH: And it felt almost like using the suffragists was a way of commenting on the fact that if you had set the whole series from the start in that period, you could never have given so many great roles for women.

AA: No…

SV: They wouldn’t have spoken.

MG: It’s interesting. It is early, and that’s part of the rationale in Sherlock’s head ‘cuz he doesn’t know everything. It is too early; the movement really hasn’t moved a lot till a lot later, more turn of the century. But, the point is, it came out of...well the joke is that none of the women really speak in Doyle. We can’t do that, so what do we do with our characters having established them as very rounded, three-dimensional characters. They can’t suddenly be silent unless you make a joke of it. And then the whole point was that Mrs. Ricoletti using the methods of secret societies she’s heard of kind of constructs this death cult as a way of creating the Bride. That’s the solution to the real crime. But it’s much more about what’s going on inside Sherlock’s head. We are very keen to say “This is where the story would end, if he were really solving it. But there’s much more to come”. So it’s not about, as someone pointed out, a “gang of insane feminists”.

AA: No, it’s really not.

SM: It’s got nothing to do with that.

AA: It’s a story.

SM: It’s a death cult.

MG: She’s using the mechanics of a secret society to put the fear of God into bad people, into bad men.

SM: I think I read someone claiming that those people in the hoods were suffragists. They were not campaigning for votes for women. They were killing people; nothing to do with the suffragists! When Doctor Watson says...he does ask, “Is it the suffragists?”, and Mycroft scorns him. ‘Course it’s not! It’s nothing to do with that.

MG: The whole point of the conical things...It’s like the Spanish Inquisition, which we didn’t expect!

AA: No one does!

MG: It’s not like the Ku Klux Klan, although that is the solution to the original story “The Five Orange Pips”. And then that’s why Moriarty says “Is this silly enough for you yet? Is it gothic enough?”

AA: And it’s all in there, isn’t it? It’s all explained.

MG: And of course, at the end, he is explaining what’s happened to Doctor Watson. He’s not explaining--

SV: Well apparently, “mansplaining”, which I read somewhere. But I looked at that and I thought, “But it’s called Sherlock!” Who else is going to explain if not Sherlock? “I do know the answer, but Mary could you just explain what’s been going on instead?”

SM: If you don’t like a man explaining things, you may have picked the wrong show to watch. But “mansplaining” is when a man explains things to a women, or to women. That’s not what happens in the scene. Even within the dream, he’s explaining it to Doctor Watson, not the women present. And in fact, he’s actually talking to himself! He’s the only real person there! This is Sherlock Holmes beating himself up for how he’s treated the women in his life. And it’s not even a subtle thing. We’ve got Janine there, we’ve got Molly there. He’s beating himself up. He’s realizing he’s been screwing up. ‘Cuz there is a nice thing in the original stories that Sherlock Holmes is presented in the first few stories...he does sound like a misogynist, but he’s definitely not by the end of the stories. Absolutely not.

MG: I mean, to be rudely frank, if we put some of the original lines in from Sherlock Holmes, that would definitely be--because he says it explicitly “‘Women are never to be entirely trusted, Watson, not the best of them’”. And, I mean that’s a pretty strong statement. That’s clearly where he is; that’s not where he ends up.

SV: TRUE, obviously!

BH: I mean there are echoes of other stories, yet when you first told us that this was based on a couple of lines about Ricoletti, but of course there are much bigger stories that you’ve used. What were the things that we might not have even noticed that you’ve used?

MG: Well, I suppose, you know, Moriarty and the wedding dress is a little nod to a story called “Shoscombe Old Place”, which is actually a man disguised as a woman at the end. In the Jeremy Brett series, Jude Law, non-speaking, of all people. There’s obviously “The Five Orange Pips”, there’s a bit of “Blue Carbuncle”. The Club Foot is a disguised Chinese joke ‘cuz it’s “Ricoletti of the club-foot” and then we decided his opium den is called The Club Foot, so we had it translated. Apparently, it’s correct but it’s too modern--

SV: Yes, but it’s all in his head!

MG: It’s fine, it’s all in his head!

AA: It’s supposed to be!

MG: Note to self: always do things in people’s heads!

BH: Was it difficult to, particularly for example with Mary’s character, think “How are we going to put her back in that era?” and we’ve got the spying thing, what other elements to keep it interesting...That particular element fascinates me how bringing loads of modern characters we know...and did you have big discussions about how you were going to do that?

SM: Well the problem was we had so little time to do it because you know you’ve had a major revelation about Mary. Mary is not who you thought she was in the previous episode. She can’t just go back to, as I said earlier, go back to what she was before. She’s got to be super good at this. So she’s got to be super good at it in the Victorian version, where she actually solves the crime, and indeed in the modern version, actually solves it as well! Because if we did anything else, then it would be like we’d forgotten. She’s the professional looking after our two bumbling amputants (?).

BH: In the scene where you’re filming the plane which we’ve seen in the previous episode...people might think “Oh! You’ve somehow sneakily filmed those scenes while you were filming the end of the previous episode”.

SV: No, no!

SM: I see a pained look on Mark Gatiss’s face. I can’t imagine what he’s going to say.

MG: It’s really the height of that set. But as Sherlock Holmes himself says “‘For a tall man to take a foot off his height is no laughing matter!’”. I really did do most of it like that *bends neck to side* because we recreated the plane, couldn’t get Bruce Dickinson’s jet back.

SV: Well, just half of it, actually. Wasn’t it? Half of the plane.

AA: Yeah, that was a long day!

SM: And what I think is amazing is that’s not the airstrip. You know, it looks identical to the one in--

MG: In Bristol.

SM: And it was just the back of the studio. It looks properly identical, doesn’t it?

AA: Yeah, it does.

SM: And there’s no plane on it!

SV: And just a bit of the door.

SM: Yeah, that’s all there is.

MG: That shot as the car pulls in is literally just the door.

AA: It was really icy, I remember it being really icy that day. All of us precariously slipping. I remember.

MG: And a brilliant wig.

SV: A wig! Because Benedict’s hair!

BH: We kept saying in the interviews how thrilled he was not to have his frizzy hair. He could just have it slicked back in the period version.

MG: As you know, that was Benedict’s first and only response to the idea. “Can I have a haircut?”

SV: It was a brilliant wig, actually.

AA: It was a great wig, actually! Yeah, it was really good.

MG: But you see now, we’ve got that amazing mask from “The Empty Hearse”, we’ve got a brilliant wig...Benedict’s not available, we’ll just--He’s asleep!

AA: Anyone, yeah. And then he can just do voice-over.

SM: And CGI will help…!

BH: What was the hardest scene to film? I’m thinking of the slow-motion scene on the street where Lestrade is explaining the case...Seemed like a pretty spectacular moment with loads of extras in the background, presumably CGI…

SV: Yeah, that wasn’t the hardest, I don’t think--

MG: Reichenbach.

SV: No, it was the Reichenbach Falls, definitely. Plus the amount we had to do in the time...It was a really full day.

MG: And, as Sue said, logistically, carriages, horses...there was a very big day, in Bristol, of the traffic back and forth...and that’s just literally green screen one side of the street, and then you green screen the other end and the same people go the other way. Creates a mass of people, but God it’s time consuming.

AA: But those scenes as well, when Sherlock’s rooms were put actually outside into the street...we were filming at night outside the club and that just felt very long because we had to do loads of different shots and cut-away shots...it was fun, though.

SV: Yeah, I think the hardest thing with that was the lighting because you’re using outside light and then you’ve got to make it feel like it’s inside. That was a balance.

AA: Yeah...and also hiding everything, as well. To make sure people couldn’t see what was going on because that’s quite a--

MG: But again, you know, people were very good--

AA: They were brilliant.

MG: I remember, in “The Reichenbach Fall”...’cuz you know, you’re at Barts, it’s very open, anyone could come by, really, and they did...and I remember we were looking at Benedict on the pavement covered in blood, clearly dead, and I looked round and said “You’re spoiling it for yourselves, you know”. No one ever said anything, and it’s good.

SV: We did shoot a whole lot of stuff that wasn’t in it!

MG: Yes we did!

AA: Oh, you did something with Andrew, didn’t you, like shaking hands?

SV: Yeah, you and Andrew!

MG: That was later, this was in the first...

BH: Was that in this episode?

MG: No, no that was for “The Empty Hearse”. We filmed an entire fake scene where Mycroft and Moriarty shake hands and at the last minute, I said “Maybe put Benedict’s coat on! That’ll do it!” Nonsense!

SM: And then you have the director standing there saying, “Can I shoot the actual show, now? Are we finished?”

AA: “Time is pressing on!”

SM: “Something nice...something we can actually put on television!” We’re waking up fans!

BH: Was it hard keeping the modern day shooting bits secret?

MG: Yes.

SV: Yeah, ‘cuz we had the--

AA: We had the cemetery, didn’t we?

MG: But actually, we were lucky. We were sort of in and out. People did turn up...And then there was the bit when Benedict apparently wakes up again...but it didn’t get out, really.

AA: Yeah, it didn’t. They took little pictures but nobody really commented on it. That was one of my favorite bits when you’re in Sherlock’s room with Moriarty and then it starts to move and it’s like the plane landing. That, for me, was like a real--

BH: That was brilliant.

AA: “This is so good! What’s gonna happen now?” Then it lands...it’s so good.

SM: So you don’t remember we sat in this plane before. It’s good that you’ve forgotten.

AA: No, I kind block things out. It’s a good job because I know--

MG: She deletes things like Sherlock!

AA: I did know what was happening in the fourth series, not a clue now! It’s all gone, it’s all fallen out!

SM: “Mark and Steven talking...delete that!”

AA: But it’s good, though, ‘cuz I do tend to spill the beans a bit, so it’s very good that I can’t actually remember!

MG: This is absolutely true, this is a revelation...When we were at Tyntesfield, which was the big house, Lord and Lady Carmichael’s house...and we were outside, it was freezing cold, and I said something to Benedict about the fourth series, a big thing, and I thought “God, he isn’t supposed to know that!” And then I thought, “I don’t think he’s really heard…No, he hasn’t...No, he hasn’t!” “What was it?” “I’ll tell you later!”

SV: Really!

MG: I just went “God…” I thought I was talking to myself.

AA: Are you not telling us stuff?

SM: Oh no, there’s loads we’re not telling you!

MG: It was really funny.

SV: There was a day--well, it wasn’t really because you had already started writing--but there was that little bit when the show went out, you go “Oh phew, no more secrets!” and then you go “Oh, no we’ve got series four, now!”

SM: There’s one coming up in this series where we just agree that this will never be written down. It’s usually dialogue from Mycroft that Mark will just do on the day.

AA: Oh, really?

SM: Oh, yeah.

MG: That’s what this bit in “His Last Vow” is never written down, precisely for the reason that it wouldn’t get out.

SV: Oh yes, I remember.

AA: Which bit?

SM: Uh….

AA: Unbelievable!

SV: I know...I’ll tell you later!

AA: I get it.

SM: I don’t know if we can trust you!

AA: No, no you can! I’ll forget about it as soon as we leave! I’ll be like “What’s this?”

SM: We are on camera now! I mean, that’s the key thing!

AA: I keep forgetting, yeah, sorry...See! I forget!

SM: I can see that you’re alive!

MG: We need one of those “Men in Black” pens!

AA: What’s this? What’re we doing?

BH: So you don’t tell the cast the general big things until they actually sit down and read the finished script. Is that your rule or do you…?

MG: As a rule of thumb, for the last few years we’ve done a general pitch of big things, but--

SV: “It’s a lie!”

AA: You said you get everybody in and you tell them their storylines but not in a particularly complicated way, so you have the gist of what you’re going to do.

SM: Partly because they aren’t written down!

SV: But you didn’t know, for instance, in “His Last Vow”, you didn’t know that you shot Sherlock.

AA: God, no I didn’t at all, no, and when I read that I was like “Oh, God this is gonna be amazing and everyone’s gonna hate me!”

MG: It’s because you want to keep the secret from everybody. I know, as a reader, if you have something spoiled, it works the same as if you’re sitting at home.

SM: When I was first in telly, I used to work with this director called Bob Spiers, brilliant director...and he always used to say “The most valuable thing, the most important part of my work on an episode is reading the script for the first time, and I want to know nothing. I want to be the viewer. ‘Cuz that’s what I’ll remember; I will remember the first time I read it, and that’s what I’m trying to do on television.” He used to get very cross with me if I even said a word about what I was doing, so apparently I used to open up a bit more when I was younger and nicer! And he’d say “No, don’t tell me! I’ll read it! Do not tell me a single thing before I read it.”

AA: Wow…

SM: So, I mean, he’s right.

SV: Also, the actors get the scripts quite late, don’t they, really, ‘cuz you get them much later--

SM: Oh, always bring that up!

AA: No, but it’s true, though, Steven!

SV: The reason being...the production will have them much earlier and the costume will have them much earlier because you’re always playing with dialogue until quite late. It’s silly to have actors having the wrong dialogue, so you get them really quite late.

MG: Also, people get terribly attached to things, and that’s awful!

AA: Yeah, they do, we do! It’s happened before, I’ve had early drafts and then I’ve gone “Where’s that lovely scene gone?”

MG: “I thought I was in this!”

AA: “They’ve cut me! Why have they cut me?” So it’s always nice when you get the final one and you go “This is pretty locked, now!”

SV: “Yes, shooting tomorrow!”

AA: “Can’t take it back!”

SM: Until the cutting room!

MG: Your beard went, didn’t it?

AA: Yeah, my beard, yeah…

BH: Oh, you had a beard?

AA: I did, I had a long sort of Santa beard, we called it a “Santa beard”! Didn’t work. It was distracting.

MG: Especially with the mouse tied to the end! Go on.

BH: Did you have any other versions of the characters we know now, that you wanted to try out? Molly, as a man, was fantastic.

SM: I remember we did toy--and it was very unpopular with everyone except me and Mark--of having Andrew Scott made-up to be like the Moriarty of the Victorian version. The long greasy hair, the sort of unattractive--

SV: Yeah, it was a dreadful idea. We looked at the pictures!

SM: And everyone just saying “No, no he’s gonna be attractive.” And Mark and I just said “Wrong!” “Don’t care!” And I had to come out of this tour (?) meeting with everyone just hitting me and Mark wasn’t there and I said, “Mark, that’s not going to happen. He’s gotta be handsome.”

SV: But in the illustrations, he’s all raggly…

SM: It’s authentic, darling, authentic is the word you’re looking for.

MG: It makes logical sense, but it just didn’t work. It looked odd on Andrew’s face, as well.

AA: Did you try it on him?

MG: He did get the wig on.

AA: Did he have a go? Wow…

MG: But we sort of had to make him look older...

SM: Trouble is, it’s not a thing that people know. Moriarty has never, apart from the Brett series, ever been made to look like he does in the story. Ever. No one’s ever done that.

SV: There’s a reason for that.

SM: If you enter the word “Moriarty” into Google Images, I bet you get Andrew Scott. That’s what people think Moriarty looks like.

BH: A handsome man.

MG: What was the question? I forgot.

BH: Whether there were other, so that was-

MG: Oh, yeah, I was gonna say about Molly, that was very interesting...in the back of my head there was a real case, the Crimean War, extraordinary story, a surgeon called Doctor James Barry...amazing, very very talented surgeon, died, and was discovered to be a woman, and lived her entire life in order to get where she wants to be in a man’s world.

AA: Wow.

MG: It’s an amazing story.

AA: That’s incredible.

MG: I think, actually, still buried as a man.

SV: Really?

MG: Yeah. There’s a precedent, I think, inside this crazy fantasy for trying to get ahead and making people a fortune in fake mustaches.

BH: Well that...she seemed to love doing that.

SV: She did.

AA: She was great. She looked fantastic, it was really good. I loved that scene when Martin just goes like that *mimics tipping hat gesture*. So beautiful. It’s such a lovely touch.

SM: They are all blind, that’s clearly a woman. For God’s sake!

MG: It’s all in his head, it’s all in his head...

AA: It’s all in his head!

SM: Can we say that for the future episodes as well? He hasn’t woken up!

AA: He’s just constantly sleeping!

SM: He dozed off in the car!

SV: They can cut back to him with his mask on!

BH: Well, absolutely! Talking of things that are in his head, we do see the notebook, Mycroft’s notebook, with “REDBEARD” clearly spelled out at the top, so what’s the significance of that?

SV: Well they won’t tell me, so I doubt they’re going to tell you!

MG: The thing is, you see...we knew we were doing this, but by having that scene at the end, where we go back to Victorian London, Victorian Baker Street, and Sherlock explicitly says, “It’s an imagined version of how I think the future might be”. We have really opened a ridiculous window that the entire series of Sherlock might be the drug-induced ravings of the Victorian Sherlock Holmes, which means we can do absolutely anything!

SM: From now on, it’s just a Victorian man being silly!

AA: The whole thing!

BH: Except being very clever, ‘cuz he’s imagining it very accurately what the world’s gonna be like! SM: Well notice how he always solves those crimes and his deductions are always right, however improbable! It’s pretty obvious.

MG: All continuity errors because of that-

AA: Yup.

MG: And we’re doing a black and white one where they fight the Nazis next.

AA: And there’s one with me with a beard. We are gonna go back to that! It’s so funny ‘cuz a lot of people think Redbeard is my dog-

MG: It’s your beard! AA: It’s my beard! That’s what it is! Redbeard is my beard...But they think Redbeard in “His Last Vow” is-

MG: Your dachshund!

AA: My big, Arthur dachshund. My big red dachshund.

MG: But it’s a big…

AA: I know, but he’s got-

MG: False perspective!

AA: Very, very large…

SM: It’s all a dream! Oh wait, it’s not that one.

AA: No, it’s not that one.

SV: But we’ve seen Redbeard, though.

SM: Not with the dream.

AA: Whenever I tweet a picture of Arthur, they go “Is that Redbeard?” and it’s like “No…” but he’s got the essence of Redbeard, which I quite like.

BH: In your mind, he could be Redbeard! AA: He is Redbeard in my mind, yeah.

BH: ‘Cuz we have never met the dog; we know that much, but you don’t want to say anymore about why...it’s obviously written...

AA: I love Mark. I love him.

MG: There’s other things in that journal.

SV: I know there were.

MG: On the other page, which we didn’t shoot, there’s just drawings of cock and balls that Mycroft does in his idle hour. Hairy ones!

SV: On the DVD extras!

MG: It is the original notebook from “A Study in Pink”, though. It’s what he’s always had with him.

BH: I’m going to ask you another stupid question, but you know, I just want to have the answer. Is Moriarty absolutely, 100% definitely dead?

SM, MG, SV: Yes.

BH: Alright, okay that’s fine.

SV: Oh...you didn’t say yes.

AA: Yes…!

SM: Yes.

MG: She’s deleted that!

AA: Yeah, who? Who’s this now?

MG: Yes he is.

BH: But of course, then he says “I know what he’s going to do next,” or I’m paraphrasing…

SM: Yeah he does.

AA: He does.

BH: Very confused.

MG: It’s almost like it’s designed to be a massive cliffhanger! It’s almost sure that it won’t come back for a year!

SM: Do you mean we might be withholding information and possibly being deceptive in some way?

MG: Yeah.

BH: Okay, fine. What we do know is that Moriarty is a key part of his Mind Palace...that kind of very important element, I suppose, as you said before, we’ve seen him as an important foil, mentally, so we could be seeing more of Andrew Scott, is what I’m saying. As a huge fan of his version of Moriarty, we may see way more of him--Sue’s just laughing at me, openly!

SM: I think what we could say is that we may or may not see more of Andrew Scott’s Moriarty. I think we can all get behind that. Amanda doesn’t have a clue what we’re talking about.

AA: I have no idea who you’re talking about now. Andrew who? I don’t know who that was?

BH: Did you go back and watch, as I did, the episode again, knowing--I mean, you knew all along where the story was going--but it’s amazing the little hints you have, you establish all the way through...There’s one bit...the scene where Sherlock suddenly talks about “he” rather than “she”...

AA: Yes. Yes.

MG: Moriarty is the virus in the data.

BH: As a viewer, have you watched it again?

AA: Yeah, I’ve watched it ’cuz my son likes to watch it a lot, and both Joe and Gracie...

MG: Kind of like a CBeebies panto! “Again!”

AA: “Behind you!” Literally, behind you! So I watch it with them and they...I mean, Joe picked up on that a lot: “Why is he saying ‘data’?”, which was quite cool. And yeah, we watch it a lot, ‘cuz it’s a brilliant episode.

MG: You may come again.

AA: Thank you very much.

BH: Did that line about the data...did that come to you like that…?

MG: Well it’s an extrapolation from the books about the “crack in the lens”, you know, “the fly in the ointment”.

SM: But also he could say “virus in the data”. There’s nothing to stop him from saying [it]. The word “virus” was around, the word “data” was around. But Sherlock Holmes is always talking about data, always in the original stories.

MG: “Give me data.”

SM: “Give me data.”

MG: It’s a point...it goes suddenly close on Mycroft and there’s a certain knowingness.

SM: At that point, you should be starting to think there’s something off-kilter here, ‘cuz we know that label wasn’t there, you see the “Miss me?”...I think you’re starting to think “This is building towards something and it’s not quite as real as we thought it was”. I think, well I don’t think you think that, but...I mean, we were in the cinema and you could see people starting to go “Oh, what? What? That’s not…”

SV: And he’s got the label, but he wouldn't have had time to get the label.

BH: I’m going to try to get some hints about series four.

SV: Can you let me know if you get any?

BH: Yeah! So, will the series be set straight after “The Abominable Bride” or will some time have passed?

SM: It may--

AA: I love this.

SM: Or may not be set after…

AA: I love your perseverance, though, Boyd.

BH: Thanks. Thanks, Amanda.

AA: I love the fact that you might get a kernel of truth or hint.

SV: ‘Cuz the Moriarty... I need to know if I may or may not…!

BH: Yeah, you’ve got to be upfront! He’s a busy man!

MG: That goes for everyone!

BH: Okay, so--

MG: Just that blank one.

SM: The blank one. Yes, that is a good one, actually!

BH: That is a really good one! So nothing…?

MG: Well, Sherlock Holmes is in it...and Dr. Watson…

SM: We do address the outstanding issues.

BH: Okay.

SV: And it’s modern-day.

SM: It’s modern-day.

MG: Mary Morstan...Mary Watson is in it.

AA: Hello. Molly’s in it.

MG: Molly’s in it, Lestrade’s in it…

SV: You’re in it.

AA: Mrs. Hudson’s in it.

MG: Mrs. Hudson’s in it...some parts of it take place in Baker Street...That’s a bit of a revelation!

AA: I can’t wait to read it! I can’t wait!

BH: Do the two of you [Mark and Steven] spend a lot of time together thrashing out what the general, the gist…?

MG: Have you seen that scene in Women in Love, in front of the fireplace?

BH: Yes, yes I have! Sue’s horrified! Oliver Reed wrestles naked with Alan Bates! AA: They tend to do that a lot in the green room!

MG: But I wear the fat suit! SM: And honestly, so do I!

MG: Well we’re trying to schedule dinner to actually talk more in-detail about episode three in the next few weeks. That’s when we sort of “slug it out”. And a lot of stuff comes out of that...and the same as we said before, a very exciting way, it is just fun to throw things--ideas--at the wall. Not things!

AA: Do you have your plot points?

SM: Yes.

AA: You do know the trajectory…?

SM: We know the big things that we’ve got to hit, so we already know what those are, really, for all three, but how you get there...sometimes we surprise each other with how we’ll get there. Yeah, we know the big things arriving, the big moments.

MG: And it’s big, we can tell you that. We said it already...there’s some big stuff this series.

AA: You said it’s really dark, didn’t you?

SM: It’s going dark--

MG: Actually, it’s ‘cuz of the lighting bills!

AA: Were you just talking about the lights have gone off? “It’s really dark!”

SM: I mean, I think it’s [Sherlock] always quite dark, but...what can we say? Sometimes series three was almost like “Everything’s lovely”, for a while.

MG: It was a deliberate thing-

SV: He got shot!

AA: Yeah, but the second episode…!

SM: There are bound to be ups and downs in any complex friendship.

MG: We did make [episodes] one and two, actually more light-hearted because we knew he was gonna shoot Magnussen...And we deliberately set out to make it like the “best times” for the three as a new team. They would really have a great time. And the special, weirdly, does bridge that, in so many ways. Even though Mary is very proactive and a huge part, it’s sort of a breathing space between “Vow” and the next one.

AA: But also, in the special, what I love, is you get them back together again. You feel like John and Sherlock are on their little journey, d’you know, it feels like that. You see their relationship again, and I like that.

BH: And I also think, for example, Mycroft thinking about Sherlock and the drugs and worrying about him...that element of things could be drawn out more, perhaps, in the next series? Is that fair?

MG: You might think I could possibly--well, you know, we’ve always said...the thing about Mycroft is that he cares enormously. It’s all from a place of care. He doesn’t like anyone to know that, he tries not to. In “His Last Vow”, when he sort of opens his heart...

AA: That’s my favorite line in the whole episode.

MG: And it is because he’s been drugged! He goes “What is that…?”

AA: But the way you say it: “It would break my heart”.

SM: And then he goes in through the door and says to his mum “I also think you’re wonderful.”

MG: And then collapses!

SM: Calling his PA to say “You’re wonderful.”

MG: My favorite bit in that whole episode...I think a brilliant scene, with you and Martin, is so moving.

SV: Yeah, it is.

MG: But then, as you collapse in his arms, Sherlock just goes “Don’t drink the tea!”

SM: That gets a huge laugh every time! And I laugh every time. I don’t quite know why...I think it’s the change in pace: it’s been this lovely intimate moment, she’s unconscious, “Don’t drink the tea!” It’s more or less saying “Did you forget what show this is?”

AA: Yeah! I love those series of scenes that lead up to Magnussen being shot. From the minute where I say “We’re doing this today, are we?”. And then it’s the flashback, and you build up to that amazing crescendo and it’s just...it’s those two as well going…!

SV: All yours, as well.

MG: Now six foot seven…

SM: Thanks. Well, I’m glad that’s settled now!

AA: That’s on record now, Sue!

SM: I never like to ask!

BH: Will Louis [Moffat] be returning? Yeah, that’s the question...

SV: Louis’s got a whole plan about having-

SM: A spin-off series.

SV:  A young Sherlock series.

MG: Six foot seven and retired! It’s been so long! It’s been so long.

SV: So there’ll be the Molly and Mary…

AA: Molly and Mary.

SV: And the young Sherlock.

SM: Lou and Mike.

AA: Milly, Mory, Mary. Mory. You could do Milly, Mory, Mary.

BH: These are all great ideas.

AA: They all live together in a flat! It’s a sitcom!

MG: I like the sit!

BH: In terms of the stories that you’re using as inspiration for the new series...there was one point, I remember, where you revealed kind of one word...was that series three?

MG: We will do that again, but not yet!

SM: We haven’t worked out what the words are!

MG: That’s very true. But also, you know, happily, it’s not that far away, ‘cuz having had the special January, series four will be next year as opposed to a two-year gap. So it’s shorter.

AA: And we’re nearly into February!

MG: We are nearly into February! So we’ll tease out these things, we don’t give anything out in a splurge since we don’t know what they are yet. It’s tough, that.

SV: Well-covered for a bit, there!

SM: Thing is--those single word ideas, the hints--already worked for series two, just coincidentally. Not necessarily going to work perfectly for every series!

BH: Would you ever do episodes which are pretty much not based particularly on…?

SM: Well, we sort of do, really.

MG: “The Abominable Bride” is largely an original story. I mean there’s fragments and there’s definitely jumping-off points. I think, probably, “Study in Pink”-

SM: And “Hounds”...

MG: And “Belgravia” and “Hounds”, are the ones that have most of the framework. But we’re always just looking at favorite bits, and always rediscovering bits. I’ve said this before, “A Case of Identity”--beautiful, tiny story--which we used like three times, little bits of, because you couldn’t really do it. It works on the page, but there are certain parts of it which are so touching and brilliantly written...that whole thing about “procrastination on the doorstep always means an affair of the heart”. And if she pulled the bell pull off, it would definitely be serious. Lovely stuff. So it’s always worth going back to Doyle, that’s what we always do: go back to Doyle and you’ll find the answer there, and also new inspiration.

SM: And the details you’re getting...because the plots are...only “Baskerville” is really long enough. But there’s so many details that people don’t know about. [A] friend of mine started actually reading Sherlock Holmes because of our series and was quite startled by how much of it we just stole from [Doyle]. And having said to me “That’s not a rip-off.” We are explicitly adapting Sherlock Holmes!

BH: I mean, you could go back to Victorian London, in terms of you could have more scenes set in his Mind Palace, where he is going back?

MG: Well, remember-

SV: Oh, please don’t! MG: Thing is, it’s not just his Mind Palace. Mycroft says explicitly “It’s a memory technique.” In both occasions where we’ve gone into it...In “His Last Vow”, he’s been shot and is obviously doped to the eyeballs, and in “[The] Abominable Bride”, he’s high...so it’s a particular thing. We could do it, of course, but he’d have to sort of take a seven percent solution again, or more.

SM: I think it was a lovely thing to do. I think we’ve done it.

BH: Is there ever anything that people don’t notice, at all, that you’ve done?

MG: Yes.

SM: Yeah.

MG: Usually, when you try to be bleat and obvious, then they pick up on things. It’s all in his head!

BH: It’s all in his head.

SV: I can’t think...did I miss anything?

SM: I think there’s still an ongoing element that people haven’t really picked up on.

SV: Oh…

SM: I think.

SV: Including me, obviously!

AA: Yeah, I’m intrigued!

SM: Yeah, I think there’s…

AA: Is there?

SM: Stuff to come.

BH: An ongoing element…

SM: Stuff to come.

AA: Really…

MG: When you can say things very explicitly, people always get the wrong instinct, except the odd one. It was a bit like the theories for how’d he done it. Of course, someone was gonna guess it because, you know, there’s only so many ways you can fall off a building. Then, talking about reviews, there was a strange review which said “They’ve even put in the squash ball, which is a popular fan theory”. It’s in “The Reichenbach Fall”! That’s how he did it! That was our solution…”Oh, yeah they’ve copied that!”

SM: In advance, which is the worst kind of copy.

MG: Oh yeah, I love that.

SM: When you preemptively copy something, I think you’re taking plagiarism too far.

BH: Well, thank you all very much for this look back at “The Abominable Bride”.

MG: Ta.

SM: Well done.

BH: Sue, Mark, Steven, and Amanda, thank you so much.

AA: Thanks.

BH: Hope we’ve answered-

SM: Nothing.

BH: Some, if not all, of your questions.