#although it feels great that you guys know my default for angst

[magicshopaholic]

cath 🥲 wth was that spoiler about like - i’m so ready to get heartbroken over tae x lara x jk and all the dramaaaaa

Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey it was just a sneak peek 👽

Having said that, this is a plot I’m super excited to get started on :D

[spaceisout]

𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙖 𝙟𝙤𝙠𝙚 // 𝙠𝙖𝙩𝙨𝙪𝙠𝙞 𝙗𝙖𝙠𝙪𝙜𝙤

Pairing: Katsuki Bakugo x F!Reader

Warning: Cursing, angst, fluff,

Summary: Having a crush on the dirty blonde was hard enough as it was. Him treating you like a friend was obvious to him except for you.

Authors' note: This was a random one I had it in mind but didn't think I'd end up finishing it until now. Hope you enjoy! Feedback is appreciated as always 🌷

Links: Masterlist, Series List, Donate to the author,

"Are you sure you like that?" Mina questioned as she saw the person you liked fighting with another friend of yours. "I mean no judgement here, everyone has their likes but- come on why do you like him? You're the opposite of him!"

You shrugged looking down at your desk, playing with your fingers. "He has his... well his own defaults I mean who doesn't, right?"

"Yeah but still," she turned her chair to fully face you. "Bakugo is a loud individual. Compared to you, you are quiet and nice. You don't hesitate to help anyone out while he- well..."

Mina wasn't trying hard to berate him persay but it was difficult to even come up with good things. Although they may be acquainted enough sometimes it was difficult to describe him.

"What you think as loud I think he's..." you bit your lip trying to come up with a good definition.

"See!" she exclaimed, "You can't even finish your train of-"

A smile rested on your lips, a total change from your thinking face, as if you had made up your mind already. "He's passionate. Bakugo sees ahead of his own future, he wants to keep climbing to the top to get better."

"And you don't think that might be... I don't know a bit of an obstacle? I mean the guy is clearly focused on only becoming a top hero." Mina explained resting her chin on her open palm. "Wouldn't that be hard in a relationship?"

Your lips parted to speak but looked away feeling too shy to say anything. Mina was already thinking ahead of the whereabouts of your relationship while you had only been focused on what to say to him.

"I-I don't know what might happen Mina." You stuttered.

She sighed, "You need to confess to him the sooner you do the better it will be so your little heart can finally rest at ease."

"Who says my heart isn't at ease?"

"Me."

Chuckling you nodded, "I'll do my best to do that."

During lunch you took your regular seat beside Todoroki while Iida sat down next to Midoriya and Uraraka.

"Are we all going to pair up for the project then?" Todoroki asked as he began to eat his cold soba noodles.

"I assume everyone by now has chosen groups?" Iida asked as he broke apart his chopsticks to eat.

"I think we're all on board as a group." Uraraka answered.

"(name)?"

"Hm?" you looked up to see everyone at the table looking at you. "Uh..."

"Are you okay with being part of the group?" Todoroki asked. "Or did you have already a group you wanted to be with?"

"Oh um... actually-"

"She's part of our group."

You turned around to see Bakugo with his hands in his pockets, walking over to your table along with Kirishima and Mina.

"She is?" Todoroki questioned with narrow eyes, not fully believing him.

Kirishima chuckled sheepishly rubbing the back of his head, "Well we actually asked her if she wanted to be part of our group."

"(name), Ochako!" Mina ran over to you both and hugged you tightly.

"Whatever she didn't say no to begin with." Bakugo said stopping in front of you. Looking down at you, he spoke in a calmer tone. "You are joining us aren't you?"

"I... well-"

Mina wrapped her arm around your neck and whispered into your ear. "Say yes, this will be a great chance to spend time with him. I mean come on look at him changing his voice just to talk to you!"

Biting your bottom lip, you tried to think about her suggestion. it would be a great way to get to know him better and he does want you to join them after all.

Smiling softly you nodded at him. "Sure, if that's alright with everyone?"

"It's not a problem." Midoriya smiled at you.

"We can all hang out and work on our projects together in the living room!" Uraraka suggested.

"That sounds like an excellent way to lend each other a hand if needed." Iida added.

"Then it settled! You are with us, (name)!" Mina exclaimed excitedly.

You chuckled leaning into her touch as your eyes travelled up to look at the dirty blonde, who faintly smiled as he looked at Kirishima and at you.

It was more than just him being kind to you whenever you were around. Bakugo became attentive, if you needed something simple like a pencil or an eraser he would notice and hand you one instantly.

Every time you handed it back to him he insisted you kept it. To him a writing utensil was something insignificant. He could always get one again or an extra pack if he needed to. Even then if it was the last one he had he most always let you borrow it.

Or at times when you two partner up to train during hero studies he gave it his all, never holding back. if at some point you began to doubt yourself he would encourage you.

Being a hero with such a simple quirk could at times be troubling when you see people like Bakugo, someone who was blessed with a powerful quirk.

You had confided it to him one random day as you made your way to school together. You thought you had embarrassed yourself but was surprised instead when Bakugo started to say the opposite.

"Why are you always looking or thinking at what others think?" He looked straight ahead as he spoke. "There's going to be someone better than you that's something you can't stop. Even so, your quirk is useful in situations where mine isn't. You were able to stop that fire from growing at the training camp. Not only that it helped the others escape."

"Well yeah but those actions are only useful during an emergency, when it comes to fighting villains-"

"Then train." Bakugo stopped walking and turned to really look at you. "I've seen you staying after school to improve your quirk. You're already doing half the work the others aren't. If you want to really amp up your quirk then try different things, come up with an ultimate move."

"But it's water-"

"Water is a vile ingredient needed to do certain things... doesn't mean it isn't powerful enough to end villains. You can use it to drown villains as well."

"Drown? Doesn't that mean they die?..."

"You won't kill them, it's not like you have it in you to even do so." Bakugo smiled, "I'll help you. I'll make sure your quirk gets better than it already was."

You looked at him with wide eyes, "Really?..."

He nodded "We'll start training after school."

"Okay!"

"(name)."

Maybe there was a chance that he did feel the same?

"(name)!"

"What?!" you retorted looking around your surroundings to see Mina next to you.

"I've been calling your name and you wouldn't budge." She sighed sitting with criss crossed legs. "What's up?"

"N-nothing I promised!"

Mina gave you a "really" kinda looked knowing you weren't even close to telling the truth.

Bakugo stood up from his seat next to Kirishima and walked over to where you were. "Hey, can you help me with doing some research for this part?" He asked sitting down in between you and Mina, slightly pushing her a bit to the side.

"Hey, I was sitting there!"

He ignored her and solely focused on you.

You mouthed her a sorry.

"Sure, can I see what is it that you need help with?"

"I tried searching up about this part of the island but nothing came up." He explained as you grabbed your laptop and typed into the search icon. "I only found out the date but other than that the geography info was absent."

"Hmm..." you bit your bottom lip in concentration as you scrolled down the countless results.

You could feel his breath tickling the back of your neck, you tried your best to ignore it but it was impossible.

"I-I only see the information you got."

Bakugo cursed under his breath, "What the hell was the point in assigning us this dumb island if there's not enough information."

"Maybe we can check out the online library? There's websites that put historical information for everyone to read."

"The encyclopedia?"

You nodded ticking a piece of hair behind your ear. "Well yeah... I mean there's nothing wrong with trying that. We might find more info on there than searching up on the engine."

"Alright let me grab a pen-"

You dug into your pouch of pencils and pens, taking out the one he had loaned you a long time ago.

"You still have this?" He took the pen from your hand, looking at it thoroughly to see it was still in good condition.

"Yeah, I didn't want to lose it in case you might want it back one day." You shyly looked away, "I figured it could come in handy if you... or someone else might need one."

A faint smile rested on his lips, "You're the first one to even care enough to keep it the same way. I handed one to Kaminari and he lost it the same day."

Chuckling you nodded, "I saw the way you looked at him that day. I kinda fell bad when he looked scared."

He slightly smirked. "That idiot was lucky I wasn't able to do anything to him."

"That's cause you choose to not doing anything bad to him." You teased, "I can tell you care about them even if they annoy you at times."

"I-I do not!" He retorted looking away from you for the first time.

"Mhmm." You smiled looking back to your computer screen and searched up the names island on the encyclopedia page. "Well good news."

"Did you find the info?"

"Yup!" Pushing the laptop closer to him, you pointed out at the info you were able to gather on one part of the screen. "It has the location, scenery, acres, weather, and seasonal food as well."

"You're amazing." He breathed out, "I should have asked you a long time ago instead of suffering with the research."

Your eyes sparkled hearing him complimenting you. "You can count on me for anything. You know that right?"

"Yeah." Bakugo smiled to himself as he started to write down the most important focal points for the project. "How's your move coming along by the way?"

"Hmm..." looking down at your lap you said, "It's not as perfect as I hoped it would be, I still need to practice more to perfect it."

"Stop thinking that it isn't enough." He said looking from the screen to his notebook from time to time. "I've seen your move it's coming more perfectly together than you think. All you need is someone to try it out on."

Leaning forward you said, "And who should I ask?"

"I'm appalled that you haven't thought about asking me." Bakugou mumbled.

"I did think about asking you... among other things." You mumbled the last few words. "I wasn't sure if you wanted to since well... you have helped me enough already."

"You're an idiot." Placing the notebook and pen down he turned his body to look at you. "I already told you I'd help you out with your quirk. I don't see why you are still hesitant to ask me anything."

Your heart fluttered, it felt like he was looking deeply into you with those red orbs that shined brightly under the light. Bakugo held such an important part in your heart and as time keeps passing by you are only falling harder for him.

Taking a deep breath, you exhaled. Your voice slightly shaking, "A-actually now that you mention it I do want to-"

"(name), hey." You both looked to the left and saw Todoroki. "Sorry am I interrupting something?"

Bakugo became irritated. "Is it a habit for you to interrupt our every damn conversation, icy hot?"

"I'm actually a close friend to her, am I not allowed to talk to her?"

"Of course you are!" You butted in, trying to deescalate the situation before it turned badly pretty quickly. "Was it something that you needed?"

"Cold you help me make some tea for everyone?"

"You interrupted our damn conversation for some tea?!" Bakugo retroted.

"It's alright." You said trying to calm the dirty blonde down. "I'd love to give you a hand."

Todoroki extended a hand out to you, you gently accepted his offer and stood up.

"What type of tea are we making?"

"I'm not sure they said they did not mind the flavor."

"Bakugo, I assume you want green tea?" You asked.

"Always." He proudly said.

"We'll be back in a bit then."

You fell in step with the bi color haired friend as you made your way towards the kitchen.

"Do you think Momo has any tea left?" You asked walking over to the cabinet and opening it.

"Do you like Bakugo?"

You held your, breath as your movements stopped. Silence filling the small common kitchen.

Todoroki stood by the kitchen counter looking at you intently.

"I..." you cleared your throat taking the tea box and closing the counter. "I think y-you might... have gotten the wrong idea-"

"I'm not judging you for it if that's what you think I'm doing."

"What?..."

He added, "I wanted to ask because I've noticed you being around him more than usual. I hadn't thought anything about it but when I asked Fuyumi she explained that it was something someone did when they like a person."

"Are you..." you turned to face him but looked away. "Do you think... t-that it's silly?"

"Not at all... I mean it is normal is it not?" He asked, "I've never really liked anyone before... but shouldn't you let him know?"

"I want to..." you crossed your arm over the other holding it, "I have such a great time talking with him and being around him lifts my mood up more than I thought. No one has ever made me feel like that before."

"I see..." he muttered. "Bakugo isn't an easy person is he?"

"He has his moments where he does get angry over things we kinda don't really understand well." You answered, "Bakugo has many different sides to him. At times he can get flustered over things he gets wrong or misinterprets. As opposed to him fighting against a friend or rival, he gives it his all and doesn't hesitate his moves."

The more you talked about him, your heart started to beat rapidly against your chest. "Don't get me wrong sometimes it is hard to decipher what he means but he's grown and changed. He has started to see what it feels like to accept those around you as friends and not rivals. Slowly but surely I feel he will be the type to save and win."

"You talk about him with such passion..." Todoroki looked down at the his feet, a sad smile covering his lips. "I'm kinda jeaous."

"I guess it's what it means when you like someone... that's something I never really came to understand until now."

"I don't want to bring you any doubts, you're someone Bakugo would be lucky enough to have in his life."

"But?..."

He sighed, "I think you'd be someone he needs for him to become better. But... Bakugo right now is engrossed with becoming the best."

"So?..." you said looking at him. "I don't want to distract him and I-I won't... I just want to be someone who he can depend on when things go south. Or someone he can be himself around when he's tired of acting strong all the time."

"It's true what Midoriya said about you." Smiling softly he looked up at him, "You are someone who people can trust... you're just enough and more at the same time. I really hope things go your way, (name)."

"Thank you, Todoroki." Smiling widely you placed the boxes of tea in front of him. "Which tea should we make?"

"How about this one? It seems like a nice flavor."

Bakugo walked away from the kitchen door, his hands stayed deep in his pockets in thought. A look of confusion and realization, as he kept replaying the conversation in his head.

After you finished half of the project for the day you got up packing your things to head back to your room.

"I think we made great progress today!" Mina spoke stretching her arms above her head.

"I agree we will for sure get finished by Friday." Uraraka chimed in.

"Ohh we can go to a nearby cafe where they sell the yummiest sweets!"

Midoriya chuckled closing up his backpack, "Sounds like a good place to go to then."

"I won't be able to go I apologize." Iida spoke up, "I'll be helping my brother out this weekend."

"No worries I'm glad to hear that your brother is getting better." You said holding your laptop and books in your arms.

"Same here it's a good sign." Todoroki said.

Iida smiled. "Thank you, we are glad as well."

You bid each other goodbye and walked your separate ways. A yawn escaped from your lips as you walked towards the elevator.

"(name) can we talk for a sec?"

A soft smile formed on your lips seeing Bakugo. "Sure, do you want to go to my room-?"

"I'd like to talk here if tht's alright."

"Okay." You said confused, "Is everything alright?"

Bakugo stood quietly trying to gather his thoughts. He had a plan in mind already on how to say what he wanted to, but nothing wanted to come out.

Frustration ran through his body, he rubbed his face getting irritated with himself.

Worry began to show on your face, "Bakugo... is something going on?"

"I need to tell you something." He said.

"What is it?"

Even then you stayed quiet looking at him, waiting patiently until he was ready to speak.

He let out a long breath before ripping off the band-aid, his eyes focused on you with such sadness.

“I like you. I really do, but not in the way you want me to.”

You blinked rapidly trying to process the words you heard. Your body moving two steps backwards in shock and in pain.

"I-" you could feel your eyes swelling with tears, knowing he already found out about your crush.

Bakugo felt guilty, hurting you was never in his plan when he started to care about you.

"I... overheard you and icy hot talking in the kitchen." He explained, "I went to talk to you about the project but I heard my name and stayed there instead. I-I know it probably wasn't something I was supposed to hear and I'm sorry I did."

"I should have... been more careful..."

He looked at you with sad eyes, "Maybe in the future I’ll see you as more than just a friend but right now…" Bakugo softly sighed, "I’m sorry.” 

"I thought... t-that... I mean you were so nice to me." You sniffled trying not to raise your voice at him. "You're never like that to everyone else! Every time I needed help with something you were there... I-I don't understand."

"I care about you, that's why I didn't hesitate to lend you a hand."

"Really?... You only care about me as a friend?"

Bakugo ran his fingers through his hair, "Right now... that's the only thing I feel for you."

"I'm sorry but I don't believe you." You said, "I can't be the only one to have misinterpreted anything. I know you Bakugo. I've watched you everyday and have been around enough to know that you don't treat a friend like that!"

"I do! Okay?"

"Are you afraid to say what you actually feel?" You stepped forward your eyes trying to search his own for an answer.

"I-I'm not!" He exclaimed and exhaled out. "I can't reciprocate your feelings, I'm sorry that you began to fall for me. But I do not feel the same way and I hope you realize that."

It was no point.

Bakugo wasn't going to come clean or face the way he feels. Someone like him wasn't going to admit it anytime soon, and you were only going to lose in the end.

"Alright..." your grip tightened around your books. "I won't pester you or say anything again."

"I really do care about you... I hope we can at least keep being friends-"

"I can't promise you that I'll be okay enough to treat you as a friend." You said wiping away your tears. "My feelings for you are too strong and it hurts to even look at you right now after knowing how you really feel."

"(name)." He extended his arm out to comfort you but let it fall seeing you retreat yourself back from his touch.

"I have to go." You turned your back to him and decided to take the stairs to your room instead.

Pain was all you could feel inside of you. It was as if someone had taken out your whole heart and had gotten rid of it. You felt hollow. And what hurt the most were the memories that kept replaying in your mind from all the times you had spend together with him.

The countless times you both shared smiles or even laughed at the weirdest things. When you fell asleep during one of your study sessions and he carried you back to your room. It felt like a dream, feeling his warmth close to you.

You shut your eyes tightly in hopes to stop the headache that was beginning to form along with the endless tears. Your vision started to become blurry, as you slowly made your way up to your floor.

A quiet sob escaped from your lips, your steps slowing down. The floor was empty making your crying to appear louder than it truly was.

"I-I have to let him g-go..." you muttered, leaving a trail of tears on the wooden floor.

"(name)!"

Oh great.

"I saw you two talking and didn't want to interrupt," Mina said smirking. "How did it go-" As you got closer to her she noticed your tears, concern covered her whole face instead. "(Name)... what happened?..."

You shook your head, crying louder than before. Mina immediately wrapped her arms around you, hugging you tightly. Her hand caressing the back of your head in order to comfort you.

"H-he doesn't feel the same way..." You blurted out burying your face in her shoulder.

"Oh sweetie..."

She opened the door to your room and helped you inside, telling her everything that happened and all the things that were said.

Mina ended up feeling bad and apologized for pushing you to confess to him. Although you knew you wanted to wait you did not carry any resentment or hate towards her or Bakugo. She meant well, that much you knew.

The following days became a bit awkward whenever you two showed up together or ran into each other with one of your other friends.

"So... how did everyone do on the test?" Koda asked smiling nervously as he along with everyone could feel the tension in the room.

"I did good!" Kaminari answered confidently. "I was actually able to answer all the questions without thinking so hard about them."

"Tch... isn't that what you do everyday?" Bakugo spoke looking down at his plate not fully grabbing food with his chopsticks.

"Why are you so mean?!" He retorted, "You'll see when we get our tests back!"

"The study method you came up with actually helped me a lot with math." Todoroki mentioned as he looked at you.

"Really?" You slightly smiled. "I'm glad to hear that it worked, I was kinda doubtful since I have never tutored anyone before."

"Oh that's right," Midoriya added. "You usually study by yourself."

"Y-yeah I can't really teach someone that well..."

Bakugo looked over where you sat closely in between Todoroki and Iida. His eyes falling over to you once in awhile, remembering how you'd always sit beside him.

"I've been meaning to ask." Hagakure finished her food before she asked, "Did you end up accepting that date from the second year?"

"Date?.." Bakugo mumbled under his breath.

Kirishima nodded leaning into the blonde's side and whispered.

"(name) got a confession in her shoe locker this morning." He explained, "They ended up meeting together at the roof top."

Bakugo clenched a fist tightly under the table, feeling an ache in his chest. Lately he had been wanting no, hoping that you'd talk to him again. To have a conversation like you used to, instead you had been spending more time with Todoroki than you used to, while ignoring him at all costs.

So it was a surprise when he opened his mouth without thinking.

"That's such a sorry way to give in to someone asking you out." His eyes widened hearing the words coming from his own lips.

As he looked up at you, his eye lids dropped seeing the hurt he had caused you.

A sigh escaped from your lips, placing your chop sticks down on the table. "I never said that I was going to accept it and go out with someone who I don't feel the same way about." You continued and looked at him with empty eyes. "Even if I did there's nothing wrong with doing so. Everyone is entitled to go out with anyone they'd like and so do I."

Getting up from your seat you grabbed your plate and headed to the kitchen without another word. Todoroki got up to follow you but Midoriya pulled on his arm, stopping him from doing so.

Kirishima nudged Bakugo at his side and pointed with his eyes to where you were. He nodded getting up, trying to ignore the stares that followed his every move as he walked to you.

You were getting ready to leave when he walked in.

"(name)-"

Ignoring him you walked passed him, hoping to not engage in a conversation that he himself did not even want to have in the first place.

Bakugo stopped you of course holding your wrist, "Can we talk?." You didn't budge of course. "Please?"

"Fine..." You mumbled stepping back with arms crossed and leaned against the counter not looking at him.

"I'm sorry for saying... all that back there. I crossed the line."

"No," you titled your head to look at him. "You crossed everything, Bakugo. It wasn't your place to say anything when it's not your life. You had no excuse to say all that to me."

"I know...I screwed up and I'm sorry." He breathed out holding on to the bridge of his nose with both hands. "You're right... it's your life and I don't have a say in anything."

"For once I agree." Sighing you shook your head with sad eyes. "Why did you though?... There's nothing going on between us. You rejected me a-and... that should only happen when you have feelings for someone."

Did he have feelings?

Had Bakugo realized how he truly felt about you?

"I-I don't know... what came over me."

"Well until you figure it out..." You bit your bottom lip contemplating on whether to stay quiet or finally finish everything. For your sake and his. "Please do me a favor and don't butt into anything that has to do with me."

"I thought we were going to be able to be friends-"

"I didn't agree."

Bakugo stepped forward, "I know that but in the future we could be (name)."

"I can't stay friends with someone I'm trying to get over still." You spoke feeling tears starting to cover your eyes, crying was the last thing you wanted to do. "I was hopeful that we might one day but the way you're acting is trying to tell me something else, something you're not even sure you are even able to say it yourself."

"(name)-"

"No.." you exhaled a long breath hoping to stabilize your voice. "I-I'm not going to wait around and hoping that you'll come around not with these- these mixed signals you keep sending me. That's how you were when we were friends Bakugo. I can't keep second guessing everything. I'm tired. I don't want to live or be around someone like that."

"W-what are you saying..." He softly spoke looking at you with shiny eyes.

"It's best if we j-just communicate when it's needed." You stated knowing it was the right thing to do even though it hurt everything inside of you. "I need to move on... you need to focus on being the hero you want. We'll be acquaintances... only talk when need to. Nothing more... nothing less."

"Are you seriously going to throw away the friendship we built?"

"No you are, Bakugo." You said, "You could have been honest about how you really felt but chose not to. I can't keep playing that mind game of yours whether you do it intentionally or not. All it'll ever lead to is me getting hurt... again."

You turned to leave but he held your wrist tightly, "(name)..."

Your name sounded so sweet coming from his lips, something you wish you'll be able to forget.

"Let me go..."

Bakugo nodded, letting you go. He could only watch as you walked further away from him.

He harshly wiped away his tears with his forearm, feeling the swelling of pain in his chest again.

"Fuck... I do like you (name)."

[semi-imaginary-place]

ffxiv on to shadowbringers full spoilers

i joined ffxiv right around 5.2-5.3 so i actually got super spoiled on shb

really they're putting the gate at the lake and not in the special crystal tower zone where the raids were.

... are those unique animations? that wasn't the default run. wow you can really see how the funding has improved since arr.

oof that bloom effect my eyes are suffering for making a pale ass character dressed in white. the one time in videogaming history where the bloom is narratively appropriate.

so ardbert in shadow. uh i don't recognize the narrator voice. oh hey minfilia haven't seen you in forever. so why did player character get whole body teleported when all the other scions left their bodies behind. (or is the pc secretly collapsed on the source)

now i could go for the map marker.... ooooor i could run around the entire map. boooo the devs thought ahead and blocked me off.

they killed off the brenon clone immediately D:

i can't tell if it's lore significant or not but the crystal exarch's arm doesn't have the lighting effects crystal usually has. like most of the crystal in ffxiv is kinda glowy and a little translucent but the arm is matte like paint. maybe it's a graphics limitation thing idk.

is it me or does the crystal tower look different. i don't remember those basalt looking formations. there's fluffy amaljaa! was initially confused because underground is the WORST place for an herbarium but if the problem is too much light i guess it makes sense. having giant grates in the library seems like a bad idea. hmm the naming scheme seems sharlayan. why is the marketplace called universal music? its a good thing i know most of these terms from other ff games and shab spoilers otherwise if you threw like 7 new race names at me i'd cry. once again the lack of guard rails is concerning. why are the hortorium and sweetsieve no next to each other. a lot of wroght iron and glass.. art noveau? is this entire city built over silvertear lake?

great now the writers have a precedent for timetravel

exarch described feo ul as "kanojo"

ghostbert angst. i joke but i do find this sort of stuff compelling. oh that clears it up, so his title changed. because i just heard that the warriors of light killed the shadowkeeper and caused the Flood but arbert was also going around calling himself the warrior of darkness, and i didn't connect it until now but it was all them. hey this is that melody that plays whenever the pc does something heroic, played prominently in the ultima and around the end of 2.0 but here its real slow and sad.

did the faeries take over ishgard???? especially curious is the faeries are the equivalent to the sylphs. and rak'tika is the shroud equivalent. limsa was gentrified lol. what im curious about is the habitable part of novrant is shown as both an oval and a circle and i don't know which map is right.

exploring lakeland and uh is that a giant lake monster? yeh that's a giatn lake monster. why's there a road at the bottom of the lake. you guys have extremely nice outdoor furniture. like damn going to spend the budget on nice furniture instead of having a roof.

Crystarium architecturally reminds me of my highschool pet worldbuilding project about a magic crystal floating city filled with telepathic shapeshifting immortals.

shb could have been its own game. Post apocalyptic fantasy about civilization on the brink feels like a pretty standard premises minus the light and dark swap. Writers went wild with the worldbuilding. So glad i watched ffxii and xenoblade so i know what a hume is

Theres also how the crystarium is built over silvertear lake the center of all magic. Although middy isnt on the first, then why are there dragons dragonish things around. I wonder how much shared history there is between the source and the first since right around silvertear actually is the elezen homeland and thats where the elf bandits on the first are hanging out trying to reclaim their homeland.

[everseeking]

hello!! It's your relief story anon!!! i friken love what you wrote!!! may i have another request 🥺 similar to the relief story, Levi's s/o gets into a near death experience right in front of him and he freezes for the first time. everyone's super shocked abt it after the mission and he gets reprimanded just for formalities (erwin n hanji rlly just wanna check up on him personally) but they all understand since he's been through a lot. Levi can't deal with his emotions and he wants to say i love you to his s/o (first time saying it) but he doesn't know how and yes HAHAHAHA

- OMG HI AGAIN ! IM SO HAPPY THAT YOU ENJOYED IT THANK YOU SO MUCH !!!!! thank you again not only for requesting that, but also for requesting again, it’s so awesome when u guys come back and request more :) plus your ideas are always so great. i had a lot of fun writing this, i hope u enjoy <3 (and i got your second message tysm for adding it ! i tried to include as much fluff as possible but my dumb brain always defaults to angst hahaha)

how to say i love you

- levi ackerman x reader

warnings: season 2 and ova spoilers (if you haven’t watched the ova’s yet they’re on youtube but this only references ‘a choice with no regrets’ aka levi’s ova)

levi has never had...feelings for anyone before.

the romantic kind, of course. he's felt plenty of things towards people on a regular basis—anger. hate. disgust. confusion. annoyance. frustration.

to be fair he has had the occasional friend, or the occasional person who he respected, and others who he flat out wanted to protect. just never anything romantic.

this didn’t bother him, falling in love wasn’t his top priority or anything. his life has been one traumatic experience after the other. there was no time for him to be romantically involved with another, nor was he willing to take the risk of potential heartbreak that would add to his constantly growing list of traumatic events.

when he first met y/n l/n he acknowledged her as nothing more than another member of the survey corps. someone he would work with. someone he would train with. someone who he would give orders to if deemed necessary. someone who would join his team. someone he would slowly become more curious about. someone who would bring him feelings that he couldn't describe in words.

his plans had clearly gone astray.

y/n was supposed to be nothing more than a colleague, but somehow fate had much more in store. the young girl began to appear more and more in his life and before he could even process it, she was already apart of his team.

now that the they were spending almost everyday together, along with the rest of his team, levi had the opportunity to try to solve the mystery that was y/n.

there was something that he felt about her that he couldn't put into words. the way she was determined to save humanity and her friends, the way she poured everything she had into everything she did, the way she was strong in every aspect of the word, the way she got along with the rest of the team, the way she laughed, the way she smiled, the way she spoke, the way she moved, all of it. it all encapsulated him.

what is this emotion ? fascination ? curiosity ? these words weren’t completely right, but they safe enough for him to settle on for now.

yes, that's all. the brat just makes me curious because i don't understand her.

at least, that's what he told himself. but the tingles that remained on his skin from the place where she accidentally brushed up against him or the way his stomach felt after his eyes met hers or the way he noticed himself always wanting to be near her or the way he wanted to protect her more than anything in the world, said otherwise.

whatever message he wanted to send probably definitely was not passed on. when y/n accidentally brushed up against him he snapped back "watch it." when she made eye contact with him, it was more her meeting his eyes and him seemingly glaring back. when he took a few steps towards her to be closer, she felt paranoid, wondering if he was determining whether or not he should scold her for something. when she was on missions and he occasionally had to step in and save her tail, she felt like she was slacking.

truthfully in all these situations levi just resorted back to his true nature. he never meant any harm so clearly he wasn’t the best at expressing his feelings. henceforth, the three word phrase was foreign to him.

after all the many challenges that came with trying to understand each other, the couple finally got together. but despite being together, neither had said the 'L word’ yet. 

to be honest, y/n hadn’t dwelled on it too much. she had learned the best way to survive mentally was to live in the moment. when the time would come, the time would come, however, the thought that time wasn’t a guarantee gnawed at the back of her brain.  she always wondered how levi felt about the matter, but never got around to asking. little did he know he’d once again find out for himself that time wasn’t a guarantee.

just like every other day, y/n awoke to levi placing a kiss on her forehead. he wished nothing more than to let the love of his life sleep late into the morning in their shared bed, safe from the dangers of the world, but there was another mission today in which he needed her by his side.

the plan was to head to the outskirts of wall rose to a forest that was known to be surrounded by titans. hanji convinced erwin to let her try to capture titans in the forest again, as it all but worked on the female titan. erwin agreed, not only because he too believed the survey corps had all the materials necessary to capture titans again, but also because he knew the scouts needed more real time practice in the forest. levi wasn’t happy to hear the commander refer to this as “practice,” since so many lives were guaranteed to be lost in the process, but there was nothing he could do about it.

with everyone’s approval and the preparations complete, they were off. the ride there had been as close to smooth sailing as possible, with erwin successfully rerouting the troops to avoid as many unnecessary collisions with titans as possible and a surprisingly low amount of abnormals in their path. but everyone knew the real problems would be up ahead.

in this area, the titans were mainly surrounding the thick trees in the forest. it wasn’t too far from the forest where they encountered the female titan so the layout of the jungle was fairly similar. a large path ran straight through the trees, leaving the scouts lots of opportunities.

before the forest itself came into view, the hoard otherworldly creatures showed up. the crowd of titans didn’t seem to be too bad, with none surpassing ten meters. a bit of the outer edges of the formation took a hit, but everyone else made it into the woods unscathed.

unlike the last time levi’s squad was in the forest, their objective was not to be the bait. instead, they were to take to the trees and be on clean up duty. it was a little different from their normal clean up duty, as they weren’t doing chores around the castle or cabin—they were eliminating stray titans. the survey corps was only prepared to capture two titans, so any others that entered needed to be exterminated.

they weren’t the only ones with this job, but erwin placed them as the last hoop the titans had to get through before they were captured. any titans that escaped the first few groups were more likely than not going to be challenging, so they needed to be left with the most talented squad.

the eight scouts that made up levi’s squad traveled the path that cut through the forest until they found the four trees in which they were to set up camp. levi and jean were on the first tree, armin and sasha on the one across from them, connie and mikasa on the next, and y/n and eren on the fourth. the formation placed y/n and levi diagonal from each other so they could each defend half of the younger scouts in their squad if necessary, as well as had the team in pairs that weren’t often together for even more practice.

the ground rumbled beneath the group as they looked down to see the first wave of soldiers acting as bait pass through. after some time and a few more waves, including hanji and erwin who were in charge of the traps, everyone passed through and the titans came into sight.

the ground troops had all reported that no abnormals or titans above ten meters made it in so they all relaxed—or relaxed as one can be when they’re facing man-eating giants. levi recognized the last troop passing through and gave his second in command a nod which she returned, letting everyone else know it was show time.

the rumbling of the ground from the horses before was nothing compared to that of the titans. not counting the first two, there were nine titans in all. everyone gave a silent thanks to the squads who had narrowed down the hoard before it arrived to them.

finally, the first two titans ran past the trees levi’s squad was hidden in, chasing the ground troops. with a loud “now !” from levi, the rest of them deployed from their hiding places. thanks to the squad’s impeccable teamwork and countless hours of training in forests closer to home, the remaining seven titans were taken out without a hitch. y/n couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride as she watched her team improve with every mission and it was obvious they all felt the same way. the way they beamed and had to hold back their celebration was as a clear as day.

the team regrouped, with y/n checking the younger members for any life threatening wounds and levi double checking all the titans were taken care of. she had just finished examining sasha when levi came back and announced the next step of today’s plan. everyone was to head forward to meet the other troops and aid in getting the titans back to the walls. although the titans may be secured, there were still infinite possibilities for catastrophes that could happen so they needed all the backup they could get. the young cadets nodded in agreement then followed after levi as he took to the sky, with y/n tailing the rest of the group. if y/n and levi weren’t side by side during missions, this was always the formation everyone fell into. levi led the way, protecting the front of the party, and she acted as the caboose to make sure no one got left behind as well as to protect them from the back.

after a few failed tricks from eren as he tried to show off with his gear and a quick scolding from levi, the rest of the scouts came into view. the mission appeared to be a success. the final two titans were both apprehended, one nailed to the ground and the other bound in the air.

squad levi landed and began to greet everyone but didn’t get very far when hanji’s squeals flooded everyone’s ears.

the scientist was practically bouncing up and down as she came over. “squad levi ! all in one piece, i see. let me show you what we’ve done,” she gushed, ushering all of them towards the titans.

it was no surprise she was so excited. she had been waiting for this day to arrive for ages, but levi still gave a quick “tch,” under his breath out of annoyance which forced y/n to cover her mouth with her palm to stifle a laugh.

the eight, now nine, of them cranned their necks up to see the side of the beast that was hammered into the ground. the sight would’ve been cruel if it were anything other than a titan, but remembering all the pain they’ve brought to each one of them, no one did so much as bat an eye. returning the focus back to hanji, everyone watched as she took a sharp inhale to prepare for her long ramble about how everything worked. lucky for y/n, before hanji could exhale, levi grabbed his partner’s arm and pulled her away.

he pulled her close so he could whisper in her ear, “come on, let’s go find erwin.”

as much as she wanted to argue with him and tell him he was being mean, she really didn’t want to listen to hanji’s spiel that she had heard a million times over. a tiny pang of guilt struck y/n for leaving the other half of the squad behind forced to listen to her, but sometimes everyone has to take one for the team.

she threw a quick wave over her shoulder to the others, then followed levi, who was still holding her arm, as he dragged her through the crowd of other scouts who were just floating around, waiting for orders, until he finally spotted the commander.

the tall man’s eyes fell upon the pair and he drew himself away from whomever he was speaking with to come greet them.

“ah levi, y/n,” erwin began. levi’s expression stayed the same but y/n offered the man a small smile and wave which he returned with a nod. erwin was actually the one who recommended to levi that he should consider y/n to be apart of his squad, so she heavily credited him entirely with starting your relationship with levi (even if levi disagreed every time she told him this). 

levi and erwin fell into formal conversation, discussing the remainder of the mission, which left y/n realizing levi hadn’t really saved her from a talk you’ve heard countless times before, but instead brought her into another one. 

hanji’s rambling would have been more interesting than this she thought to yourself as she began lazily scanned the small sea of scouts scrambling around, looking for a way to entertain yourself until the two men were done talking. one group in particular caught her eyes.

the soldiers seemed to be much more jittery than everyone else. they frantically looked amongst each other and towards the titan that hanji had just finished showing the rest of levi’s squad, and seemed to be contemplating a solution to an unknown issue.

it was clear something was up. 

just as she placed her hand on levi’s shoulder to bring his and erwin’s focus over to the scene, the ground began to shake, which caught their attention for her. 

no one had time to react when dust flew up everywhere, obstructing everyone’s views so they couldn’t see where the loud crashes that followed came from. a strong force slammed into them, throwing them who knows how far into the air. the fear of hitting the ground barely had enough time to settle into y/n before everything went dark.

everyone in the vicinity had been sent flying into the air along, but levi was the first one to be up on his feet again. bringing his arms up to shield his eyes, he decided to stay where he was as the dust cleared so he could assess the situation and move on from there. 

the scene finally came into view; he gathered that the titan had ripped its arm through the nails that secured it to the floor of the woods, then flailed it around in an attempt to grab people. it made a clean sweep in the area that he was previously standing—all that was left were debris and broken wood planks from the compartments that were attached to the other titan’s traps.

a wave of adrenaline passed through his body as he remembered who was with him. he needed to find not only erwin immediately, but also y/n. he reached down to grab the handles of his controller grip but froze instantly upon seeing what had just come into view as more of the dust cleared.

y/n was sprawled out on the ground, ODM gear tossed a few feet away from her body but more importantly, the titan’s hand was hovering mere meters above her.

his pulse almost quickened twicehold, but it felt as though it heart had stopped in his chest. situations like this presented themselves to levi almost everyday of his life, but this was much different. in those, he was almost two steps ahead. he knew that by now he should be wrapping his arms around y/n and pulling her to safety at breakneck speed, or even better, he should’ve shielded her from harm at the very beginning. but right now he couldn’t do so much as move his finger.

levi was completely inert—his arms felt like they being weighed down by a ball and chain, his legs felt like they had grown roots into the ground that planted in him place. his throat ran dry and his stomach felt like it had just done a flip. the rest of him went numb while shock consumed his body, physically and mentally, rendering him entirely helpless.

images of isabel, farlan, petra, oluo, eld, gunther, and countless others all flashed before him, the same running theme echoed in his mind—he wasn’t able to save them. all he had to do was pull back a single index finger. this would launch one of his anchors into the back of the titan’s neck, sending him flying to slice its nape. but he couldn’t do it. the only thing he knew he had the power to do was watch helplessly as his partner would be eaten alive.

the shouts of others flooded his ears as his senses slowly began to return to him, but it didn’t matter. he couldn’t make out a thing. frankly he wished he could so he could break away from the things that occupied his mind now. shame. guilt. humiliation. fear. regret. he took for granted every moment he had ever spent with y/n. every smile she gave him. every time he embraced her. every kiss. every conversation they shared under the stars while everyone else was fast asleep. every opportunity he had but failed to tell her that he—

before he finished his thought someone finally broke through his trance. erwin was the one who was able to crack the surface and bring him back to life. 

the commander was shouting levi’s name, hoping, praying, to wake him up from whatever was going on in his head. levi was still unable feel his body, but he realized he was moving as the ground began to grow smaller. one of erwin’s strong arms hooked around levi’s middle and they were flying away from the chaos below. the commander spared a glance to levi to see the man’s eyes were still trained on y/n.

the feeling returned to levi’s body as he felt the pain of being thrown onto one of the thick tree branches surge through his body. not knowing how else to bring him back from the trance that wasn’t full broken, erwin had tossed off of him levi instead of placing him down gently.

he watched as levi scrambled up and expected him to yell back for throwing him, but the response was much different.

“where is she ??” levi demanded. his eyes may have been on y/n the whole time, but his mind was elsewhere replaying scenes from the past. he had no idea if she had been eaten, or even survived the initial attack. the only think he saw was her body on the ground, unmoving.

“safe,” erwin confirmed. “hanji ran over just in time and got her. but what happened to you ?” no one had ever seen levi freeze up the way he did. others believed it was just fear which made him seem a little more human to them, but erwin knew it was more than that.

throughout the years, erwin watched levi witness the deaths of those closest to him, and even then he was still able to act. but after seeing him go rigid, erwin was more than worried. it was clear levi went into shock, however, shock runs more than skin deep. 

this became even more evident to him as levi remained silent the entire way back to the walls. y/n was still unconscious, so one of the open carts was her escort. guilt continued to wash over levi as he wasn’t able to ride in the cart with her to monitor her closely because he had to ride his horse back. regardless, he stayed as close to the cart as possible and stole as many glances her way as he could.

if he had it his way, he would’ve waited outside the infirmary for y/n when they arrived back home, but hanji and erwin practically dragged him to the mess hall to replenish his energy. this may or may not be skipping the part where levi was questioned about what happened, followed by him being chastised for his actions (or lack there of). levi could bare focus even though it was such a serious conversation. his mind was still a hazy mess. as much as hanji and erwin wanted to talk to levi more about the situtation, they knew it was best for the conversation to end there for the day. levi looked so shaken up that he could barely keep himself standing so the last thing he needed was to be yelled at more. the entire corps also made sure to steer clear of the man. he usually had all his emotions hidden but they were on full display now. it still scared the hell out of them.

but the fear alone wasn’t enough to stop them from whispering to themselves. word carried fast about how captain levi froze up and watched one of his squad mates almost die. the ones who only heard about the story instead of witnessing it couldn’t believe what they were hearing. the captain levi did nothing while one of his own almost became titan food ? 

hearing the whispers in passing, levi didn’t care that they were talking about him, but he was still affected. their words just made reality sink deeper into him. they weren’t the only ones who were unable to believe what happened. he really just watched helplessly as someone almost died. and it wasn’t just someone, it was his other half.

“hey levi ?” hanji voiced, pulling him out of his head. levi didn’t bother looking up from his food that he had been staring at for the past few minutes to face her. the best he could to was give her a side glance as he peered at her from the corner of his eyes and waited for her to finish.

the glare he was sending her way made her blood run cold, but she took the hint and continued. “are you alright ?” she asked in a small voice.

“does it look like i’m alright ?” he growled back, then went back to eating.

“just wanted to ask,” she added with an awkward laugh then turned to erwin who was on the other side of her. for once in her life she knew not to press any harder, but making levi upset wasn’t her intention. she was genuinely worried about him. hanji gave erwin a what do i do now ? look, hoping for some help, but erwin could only shake his head. he cared about levi just as much as she did, but he knew there was nothing either of them could do or say to make levi feel better. the only thing he needed was to see y/n.

at last, levi finished his dinner and excused himself to go find his partner. as his feet carried him at a quick pace across the stone floors of the many hallways in HQ, fear came back to his already grim mind. there was no word on y/n’s condition so he assumed no progress had been made and she was still unconscious. 

needless to say, when he rounded the corner and saw her sitting on the bench right outside the infirmary swiveling her heels and tapping her toes together as if she was bored, shock overcame him once again, this time on a much lower scale. similar to just a few hours ago, he was frozen instantly upon seeing her. it was a much prettier sight this time, but it was still painful to see. the bandage that wrapped around her head peaked out from being any strands of hair that fell in front of her face, other wraps and patches plastered themselves across her arms and legs, and some purple and blue splotches peaked out from behind them. this was only the skin that was exposed. for once in his life levi didn’t want to think about what she looked like when she weren’t wearing any clothes. he made a quick mental note to later place tender kisses on all her bumps and bruises, and took of running towards her.

y/n had been discharged from the infirmary during dinner hours, so the halls has been quite empty as she sat outside alone, falling into boredom. when the first sounds of shoes hitting the ground entered her ears, she got a bit excited, but calmed herself down reminding herself it probably wasn’t him. but when the steps got quicker and louder, she finally let yourself look up to see up to see her partner was the source. there was no point in holding back anyone; her face visibly lit up and a wide smile placed itself on her lips. just like levi, y/n wanted nothing more in the entire world than to see him. 

he run turned to a jog then a complete stop as he halted in front of her. despite being so anxious to see one another, neither were really prepared. they just kinda...stared at each other, neither sure of the right words to say. levi decided to take the initiative. he opened his mouth, hoping something, anything, would come out, but his attempt fell flat. words just weren’t enough. instead, he lifted his arms and placed both hands gently on y/n’s shoulders. she caught on quickly, standing up at the same time as he was pulling her into his arms for a tight embrace.

the pair remained silent in each other’s arms until y/n decided to take initiative this time and finally spoke. “is it true ?” she mumbled against his neck, barely loud enough for him to hear.

as much as he had hoped the gossip would stay in the mess hall, levi knew that inevitably word would spread to her. someone must have told her everything that happened, leaving in every little detail about how levi made no moves to save her life, ending up having to be saved by hanji in the end.

based off his silence, y/n knew levi had a lot on his mind so she continued “did you really freeze up?” 

he didn’t realize it, but he had tensed up at her words. it absolutely pained him to answer, but he couldn’t imagine the pain she were feeling. 

summing up his courage, he began to confirm the worst, but she pulled away before he could get more than a “yes,” out. levi braced himself for the hurt expression that he would be faced with, knowing his heart would break instantly as she realized he truly did failed to protect her, but instead he was met with kind eyes and soft face.

the look on his face had utter disbelief written all over it as her hands went up to cup his face that was now reddening. “are you okay?” y/n asked softly. “im so sorry.”

levi was beyond bewildered. he wanted her to be furious at him. yell at him. pull her soft hands back and strike him as much as she pleased. tell him he failed and that she couldn’t stand the sight of him. he knew he deserved it all and more, but he should’ve known she would never do that. that wasn’t y/n.

he melted into her touch and placing one of his hand over one of hers that remained on his cheek. “i was terrified, y/n.”

y/n finally gave him one of her beautiful smiles and giggled softly. “why were you scared ? i was the one who almost got eaten,” she teased.

y/n’s laughs had quickly subsided after seeing the serious look that had etched itself onto levi’s face. “because you were in danger,” he started.

“i don’t know what id do with myself if i lost you, i...”

“i love you, y/n.”

it was finally y/n’s turn to get a taste of the shock that levi had been experiencing all day. she could’ve sworn her heart skipped a beat at his words, followed by butterfly wings tickling the inside of her tummy, her eyes widening and jaw falling slack. her hands slowly slipped from his face to instead place one of her palms on her chest to make sure her heart was indeed pumping at a regular pace.

levi, on the other hand, was not having a magical experience. y/n’s reaction made him feel as though his feelings weren’t reciprocated despite having been together for so long. he started to get deeper into his head, negative thoughts starting to eat away at him once again, when she finally spoke.

“i love you too, levi,” she breathed out, still too stunned to breathe properly.

levi had had enough of being unable to move for one day. one of his hands grabbed y/n’s waist while the other found its way to the back of her head, as he kissed her roughly, which she eagerly returned. the way he felt her grin against his lips was enough to make all the pain and fear he had experienced that day worth it.

he couldn’t have asked for a better outcome to such a shitty day.

levi had finally learned how to say i love you and he thanked the stars every night following that day that y/n was the one who taught him how.

[bangtan-dreamland]

A Fairy Tale’s End [Chapter 3]

Pairing: ot7 x reader; jjk x reader; myg x reader; jhs x reader

Word Count: 18,825

Rating: pg-15

Warning: reader is a little ball of stress and a rambling mess, war is discussed, very brief mentions of slavery, some mentions of discrimination, violence, kidnapping

Genre: some angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, e2l, fantasy!au, elf!seokjin, fae!yoongi, dragon!hoseok, wizard!namjoon, vampire!jimin, kitsune!taehyung, mermaid!jungkook

Summary:  You wanted, for once, to be someone important, someone needed- to be wanted and appreciated, to love and be loved. Well, you should be careful what you wish for.

AN: Here we are with the third chapter… they really do keep getting longer ashjkdasd I’m sorry ;;; I just end up writing and rewriting and adding so much ;-; also, if anyone has questions about the story please do tell me lol my friend said the whole series had so much confusing stuff XDDD

As always, thank you so so much to not only @mindays​ and @btsxdoll​ for reading this over and editing it, but also for @dee-ehn​ who made the banner!!! I’m so grateful, because if not for them I swear this chapter would never have been finished or posted T^T

(Also the banner is fucking gorgeous and if like me you end up staring at it hard sAME)

masterpost // previous chapter

Taglist: @btsxdoll​, @mspjm​, @barbikatherine​, @xxqueenwxtchxx​, @catsandstrawberries​, @bangtan-bestofme​, @bubbletae7​, @butaes​, @serious-addiction​

»»————-　♔　————-«« The morning after that felt, in a way, different.

Oh, at first glance, everything was the same. Nothing much had changed- you were still you, stuck in a world unfamiliar, given a quest that you still didn't think you could do.

But you could try. And... it wasn't as if you were alone. You had Jungkook, and you had Yoongi too, didn't you?

The thought brought a smile on your face- and for once, you began the day feeling... excited? You paused as you saw yourself in the mirror, sporting a shy, sort of half smile, one that eventually grew into a grin.

... Okay, so maybe not much had changed, but the things that did- well, it was very, very important to you.

You opened the door giddily, wondering where the others (Jungkook and Yoongi) were-

-and immediately let out a squeak as you met Seokjin's eyes, the man himself only raising an eyebrow at your reaction to his presence. 

“Um.”

You couldn’t help but stare, your thoughts whirring for something to say. Even in the early morning, Seokjin looked composed and regal as ever. Was being calm and collected something like his default persona?

You resisted the urge to turn tail and flee, the automatic reaction you had towards Seokjin who you really weren't on the best terms with ever since the beginning. Still, your words from yesterday filtered into your mind- and you steeled yourself, gently toeing the water. 

Try, you promised to try.

"Um- uh, good morning?" You winced at the lilted end to your sentence. "Good morning, Seokjin." There that was better.

Seokjin's lips quirked into a slight smile for a moment. "Good morning, Y/N. Have you packed your stuff yet?" He asked. 

Wait, what?

At your blank look, he sighed and elaborated. "We explored the rest of the ruins yesterday. Since we already got the clue we needed, the next plan of action should be to head off to Crossroads, isn't it?"

"Oh."  You grimaced at the obvious oversight, readying yourself for a scolding. "Um- sorry, I'll, uh, I'll go get ready now. I'll only take a few minutes," I hope, "um- are- that, is everyone else all ready to go...?"

He only shook his head, observing you for a moment. "You just woke up," he stated, rather than asked. You hesitantly nodded. "... The others should be waiting downstairs. We can spare some time, but don't take too long."

You internally sighed in relief. "I will- um, thanks. I'll- I'll go now."

The moment he was well out of your sight, you released the tight grip you had on your clothes, the nerves leaving your body. You robotically stepped back into your room, your movements stiff- and then you reached your bed. With that, you immediately dropped to your knees, covering your face with your hands as you held yourself in a fetal position.

You internally screamed. Why did I do that for fuck’s sake what the fuck even Y/N you dumbass we just made progress last night and now-

You cut your thoughts off and let yourself fall forward, groaning as your face met the somewhat soft mattress. Why am I like this...

To the side, when you opened your eyes the few items that you brought along stared back at you. For a few moments, you sulked, feeling the embarrassment of the previous situation wash over you- and then you rolled over for one last scream into the blanket before determinedly getting back up. There was no use regretting anymore over what happened- it was done and over and nothing would happen if you kept moping, right? So!

You nodded to yourself, turning back to your items and checking them over, packing it all neatly into your bag.

“I fucked up, but- then again, it doesn’t seem like he’s too bothered?” You grimaced as you talked to yourself. “... I hope he’s not secretly tallying me up or something. I don’t really want to go back to how it was before... I might just go crazy if I have to put up with that again.”

“Huh. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen then, you’re one of the few people I can tolerate being around after all.”

“Yoongi!” You cried out, the item you were holding falling from your hand in your surprise. You pursed your lips, trying not to pout- then shot a glare at Yoongi who stood by the doorway, who was looking at you with amusement. “Can you not do that, please?”

“I just wanted to talk to you,” he said, though you could see the edges of his lips turn into a smirk.

“Yeah, well-” you bit the inside of your cheek as you tried not to show how upset you actually were. “You know, a little bit of warning would have been appreciated,” you finally said, sighing, before his presence registered into your mind. You scrunched up your nose.

“Um… did you need something?”

“I initially came to wake you up, but I guess it’s unnecessary now,” he shrugged. 

“Oh,” you mumbled. “T-Thanks.”

WIth that, you turned to continue your task. For a few moments there was silence- then the space beside you dipped low, and you could catch hints of Yoongi’s hair at the edges of your vision.

“Don’t mind him,” Yoongi eventually said, his voice much closer than before. You huffed, realizing what he meant.

“... Yeah, well, how can I not? He practically radiates authority and disapproval. Not that, I mean, not that’s a bad thing, but-” You sighed, giving up on your task for the meantime as you turned to face him. “Just… Seokjin really makes me nervous. For a good reason too, I mean- he just wants the quest to go smoothly, and I haven’t exactly been a good, well, leader? But, um, yeah, back to my point, he makes me nervous just by being in the same room.”

Yoongi sat nearby on your bed- the feel of him close helping you calm down as you finished your word vomit. You scrunched up your nose. “... Actually, how are the two of you even friends? I-I mean, you’re calm and nice and he’s, well. He’s very… intense.”

Yoongi cracked a smile at your words before he became serious. “Seokjin… He isn’t usually so strict,” he admitted. “The only time I’ve seen him act like this was during the Great War.”

“The Great War?” You drew your knees up to your chest, laying your head on your knees as you stared at Yoongi, curious. “I… remember hearing the people talk about how you two fought together with the hero.”

It could have been just a trick of the light then, but for a moment, you swore you saw Yoongi freeze, the remains of something dark and empty passing as soon as it came. 

When he answered your question then, it was with a mild tone of voice.

“Yes. The Great War… it was a turbulent period of time. But before that, you know… Seokjin was actually known for being goofy and playful.” He chuckled at the shocked look on your face, before continuing. “This quest… it just means a lot to him. Elves were one of the first to fall under the loss of magic… It may seem like it, but he doesn’t hate you, if you’re thinking that. It’s just that he’s hard on you because he wants this to succeed.”

“...I guessed all that with how he’s been to me since we met,” you sighed, your voice quieter than before. “Although he really was a jerk at first, but, I mean, he does have a point, and we ended up talking it out for the better, so,” you shrugged wryly. “Well. Though hearing that, I guess- his initial reaction to me makes sense. I mean, it’s not like I’m not qualified to be on this quest in any way, right?”

“You were chosen for a reason, Y/N. You’ll see eventually,” Yoongi’s tone contained hints of amusement and you rolled your eyes discreetly.

“Fat chance of that happening,” you muttered as you looked over what was left.

Thud.

You frowned as the two of you heard heavy footsteps, ones that you immediately recognized to be Jungkook’s (the only one other than you who walked so noisily, then again he wasn’t used to using legs so…)

“Y/N?” 

You looked behind, where Jungkook hovered by the doorway.

“What’s up, Jungkook?”

“Everyone is downstairs, save for you and Yoongi, so I thought I could look for you and see if you needed help... Seokjin also asked me to check up on you while I was heading here,“ he admitted.

You winced, realizing you’d taken so much longer than you intended, what with your talk with Yoongi. “I’ll be down in a few minutes. You guys can go ahead.”

“Alright then. I’ll keep him distracted while you finish up,” Yoongi teased as he got up. You could barely hear his footsteps, light, before the noise faded away.

You turned back to pack the last of your items. 

It was hard, deciding which ones to take and which ones to leave. There only remained a small pile of items on the bed by now, including several freebies given to you by the townspeople- you had to admit, even if you didn’t believe in it, everyone else seemed to all but worship the ‘savior’.

One of the items included two small dream catchers- pretty little things that you had to wonder how it was made, considering its design and its size. You put one inside, deciding to bring it along (the craftsmanship was beautiful, after all), before frowning. Where had the other gone to...?

You were surprised when you looked to the side to see Jungkook fiddling with the other piece, curiosity and intrigue visible on his face.

His fingers held each piece gently as he examined it closely- and then you remembered his words from before.

“This is my first time going on land.”

You paused in your packing. “You can have that, if you want.”

Jungkook flushed as he looked up at you, eyes wide, an apologetic look forming before your words sank in. “Huh?”

You fiddled with the bag, cheeks reddening, eyes darting to the side, even as you repeated your words. “The trinket, I mean. You can have it. You keep looking at it, so…”

“Oh… really?” He slowly grinned, relaxing.

“You can think of it as a reminder of today,” you mumbled. “Or, I mean, like… um, something to cement our friendship?”

“... I think I would like that,” he hummed, instantly putting in his pocket. “I’ll keep it safe, I promise.”

Your lips quirked into a smile at the earnest look in his eyes. “Really? I’ll trust you then.”

“The three of you seem much closer now.”

You almost jumped at the new voice, warily looking back over your shoulder.

Jimin casually leaned against the doorway, a nonchalant smile on his face as always, his face unreadable except for the slight thrum of amusement in his eyes. You wondered when he’d gotten there- and how much he’d heard. Beside you, Jungkook tensed up- and you instinctively moved closer to him in the hopes of calming him down, a small detail that didn’t miss Jimin’s eyes. 

“Quite surprising, considering yesterday’s events,” he added. “You seem to have made up? Though I’m surprised you’re as relaxed with Yoongi as you are with him.” Near the end of the sentence, Jimin nodded his head at Jungkook, who remained quiet, lips pursed.

“... Yoongi helped me in talking to Jungkook,” you eventually said, your guard up as well. 

“So you mean to say, Yoongi’s wise counsel was a huge help, then.” Jimin’s smile widened. 

“Yoongi is dependable, isn’t he? Isn’t it a relief that he’s travelling with us? The saviour certainly seems to appreciate him. Not to mention how close she is now with Jungkook,” he remarked, eyes darting to the side for a moment. You glanced there for a moment- but Jungkook said everyone was downstairs already. You frowned at him in confusion- what was he getting at?

Just as you were thinking how to get out of the situation, Jungkook cut in.

“Was that all you wanted to say, Jimin?” His voice was blunt as his eyes narrowed at Jimin. “If so, we’d like to go back to packing up. We are, after all, leaving soon.”

Jimin chuckled. “No need to be so hostile, I was just making an observation.” He cocked his head- the smile remaining on his face before he started to close the door. “Well, I’ll be going downstairs then. We’ll be waiting for you two.”

As the door closed shut, you released a sigh of relief at his departure “Well, that was weird,” you joked, before smiling at Jungkook. “Thanks for the help back there.” He offered you a shy smile.

“It’s no problem. I’ll carry your bag for you- consider it as thanks for the gift.”

You chuckled. “You just want to show off.”

“Well, when you say it like that…”

»»————-　♔　————-««

The next two weeks of journey, contrary to your fears turned out to be, well, not that bad. 

To start with, your departure from the town of Rivermouth was met with tearful farewells from the villagers- who, although you were glad for their support you were equally glad to leave, unable to bear their ever present eyes. 

The second time the eight of you were on the road turned out to be leagues better than the first- for one, you’d come to a sort of mutual agreement with Seokjin. And while it didn’t mean that you and he were friends, or anything like that, he at least stopped criticizing you for your mistakes, though there were times you’d hear him sigh and you’d internally wince. 

You decided to meet him halfway too. It was a given that you were, truthfully speaking, the weakest link in the group. After all, you didn’t have the supernatural abilities the others were born with, nor did you have the training that they had. Hell, you didn’t think you could match up with any of the villagers even, considering what you were used to was so far away from what the people here were used to. 

But that didn’t mean you’d stay helpless and useless.

Resolved to make the most out of it, you began to soak up every relevant information you could grasp from him, or from Yoongi, or (reluctantly, admittedly) from Namjoon. Maybe you wouldn’t ever need to know how vampires fed, or how kitsune made deals, but it was better than doing nothing.

Speaking of vampires, the day you left the town, you’d been surprised then, for Jimin to talk to you as you set camp.

“Good evening, Lady Y/N,” he almost purred your name as he strolled up to you, an easy smile on his face as always. You stiffened, almost dropping what you were holding then- before reluctantly steeling yourself to actually talk with him instead of at.

“G-Good evening- I mean, hi, Jimin.” For a moment you remained in place, thinking of what to say, wondering why he’d even approached you in the first place, but-

“I sincerely apologize for what happened in the town,” Jimin surprised you by taking the initiative then. You gaped at him, before hastily replying.

“Oh, uh, I mean, it’s okay! I-I mean? That, um,” you stammered, searching for the right words to express what you wanted to say. “It’s… okay. It wasn’t just your fault, I mean, Jungkook himself admitted that he should’ve acted better… although, um, I mean, w-why are you telling me this instead of Jungkook…?”

“I tried,” he sighed, looking at you with remorseful eyes. “But I’m not sure my intention came across for what it was. Although, I don’t blame him, after all, I share a huge part in the reason why the commotion happened.”

You shook your head. “No, I’m sure he did understand! I-I mean, if you’re sincere then the feelings should come across? Or, I mean. S-Something like that.”

You fidgeted with your fingers. “Actually, I should be the one apol-”

“I assure you, there’s no need for that.” Jimin’s tone remained nonchalant as he cut you off, at the same time taking over the pile of firewood from your arms. “After all, I’m aware that as vampires we carry a reputation not so favorable.”

You floundered, even as you could’ve sighed in relief as the heavy weight left your arms.. “Um- still. I mean, I’ll…” try to understand you? “... be better?” Even you winced at your words. “After all, just because you’re a vampire doesn’t mean you’re actually bad, r-right?”

You could have sworn his eyes flashed for a moment then, but it was gone all too soon and you were left wondering if you had imagined it. “Of course,” he nodded, a relieved smile appearing on his face. “Thank you, Lady Y/N.”

… Honestly, you still didn’t understand him and you would have preferred for him to keep his space, hopefully distance, but at least- well, at least you made up? Sort of?

There was Taehyung too, who, while when you’d left you’d been on a one-sided cold war with, you’d finally made up.

“Taehyung!” You could have knocked yourself on the head for how loud your voice was, but then again, could you have been blamed? You didn’t want to prolong it any longer- as much as Taehyung acted like an ass the first round of your travels, hell even from the start, having him determinedly keep quiet as he was most certainly pissed off made you nervous as hell. It was so much more easier dealing with him when he was pranking you- you knew how to deal with that, at least, but people getting angry with you and confrontation… not really something you ever got used to dealing with.

“... Yes?” You didn’t let the guarded look on his face deter you, though it made you all the more nervous. 

“Um. Can I… can I tell you something f-for a moment? It’ll just be quick I promise!” The last sentence fell from your lips in a rushed manner, you didn’t want to- well, if you had your way you wouldn’t even be having this talk in person. Preferably over the phone. Or email. At least that way you could think over your words and hide if needed. But it wasn’t as if you had that option now, did you?

“... Alright, I’m listening.” You heaved a small sigh of relief at his words, and so did he, although his sigh was more a disinterested one. You reviewed your words over in your head for a moment- before you spoke it all out.

“I’m sorry for what happened at the store!” If you had looked up then, you would’ve seen him raise an eyebrow in surprise. You’d evidently caught him off-guard with your apology. “I didn’t mean to imply that I agreed with the man, that you were stealing in any way. I was focused on stopping the fight that I didn’t stop to think that maybe I should’ve let him have it for just accusing you without proof, not when it was so obvious that you didn’t at all! Please forgive me!”

There. Short, sweet, simple. You could feel your legs tremble as silence trailed after your small speech slash yell; a part of you just wanted it to be done and over with. Still, your gaze remained locked on the ground, and the silence was deafening- in all honesty, it was probably only around a few seconds or so, but it felt way, way longer than that- and you gave in to your fight or flight instinct.

“Um,” you started, legs already moving. “That was all I wanted to say thank you andgoodluckIneedtogohelpcookbye!”

You didn’t look back at him as you left, too embarrassed.

And, well, if you found a little bit of unknown help instead of pranks the next time around, well. You were only too happy to accept.

Moving on, Namjoon and Hoseok remained the same as ever. Hoseok was still distant, polite, quiet. You had trouble reading him, he was so closed off to everyone. But at the same time- for some reason, you wanted to actually see what was underneath. Hoseok had been more of a mystery than the others, what with his quiet and unassuming demeanor so far.

Well, actually on that- you tried talking to Hoseok too, on the way. If only to thank him at least for what happened before. But…

“Hoseok- um, can I-?”

You looked around in surprise as you saw no one, though you could’ve sworn you saw Hoseok headed this way earlier. So what…?

Oh well. You could try again, right…?

And another time-

“H-Hoseok! Um, please-!?”

You squeaked as you almost tripped over yourself, for some inexplicable reason and what even just happened; when you looked up again, the man in question was gone.

For some reason, whenever you tried to talk to him, something would go wrong and you had to abandon your plan. Still… you wanted to hold hope and continue anyway.

Namjoon- well. It would be a lie if you said anything big had happened with your relationship with him. Although there was that brief moment at the inn, it was mainly centered around the quest- it did nothing to solve the root of the reason why you felt uncomfortable around him. So, sad to say, you were stuck where you were with him from the start- trying to somehow avoid him at all times, without making it obvious.

You grimaced at your thought, though you couldn’t deny it. What was worse was that whenever you tried to muster up the courage to correct his view of you, he would say something that would remind you of his hero worship, and you’d lose your courage. It wasn’t as if the others corrected him too, really...

You shook your head. A lot had changed for the better, at least that you could be happy about.

The biggest change in fact that made you happy yet was the new, easy friendship you fell into with Yoongi and Jungkook.

Ever since your arrival, and the start of the quest- you’d found it hard to relax even a single moment. After all, you were stranded in another world- one where nothing made sense to you, from how magic seemed to be real, or how the people interacted with you. It made you miss your old life terribly. At least, then, you knew what to expect. It may have been dull, and boring- but you never had to deal with so much trouble. These days it seemed as if your heart would stop beating from how much it was overworking.

However, with both men, for once you felt some semblance of peace.

Yoongi, contrary to what you expected wasn’t closed off, nor was he stand-offish- rather, it was in his nature (you giggled at that) to be quiet and calm, something that was your saving grace. Wise, mature and yet at the same time a fucking troll with how he always seemed to have schaudenfraude for your clumsy ass while helping you.

“Ah!”

You almost yelled as you tripped over a root- the twigs and sticks you collected so far in your hands all falling to the forest floor.

You would have, too- if it was for the hand that caught you. Dark eyes met yours, before Yoongi raised an eyebrow. Somehow, even if he hadn’t said anything you could still almost hear what he was thinking.

“I’m- uh, just not that used to trekking in the forest,” you huffed. “You literally live in it. Don’t judge.”

“Whatever you say, Y/N,” he smothered a laugh.

Still, for all that Yoongi seemed to have a witty remark for almost everything, and a complaint for every time he had to go out of his way to help you, you noticed that he was always there to lend a hand, even when in doing so he had to go through so much more trouble than necessary.

“The rain is going to fall soon,” Yoongi commented. You yourself noticed the grey clouds in the sky- still, you continued your task anyway. “We should head back. It’s a hassle travelling when it’s raining, and this one is going to be a rainstorm, I can feel it.”

“Not until I find this herb,” you insisted, a stubborn frown on your face. For all that Namjoon had come prepared, his stock of medicinal herbs was running a little low- so you volunteered to replenish it while the others set up camp, Yoongi accompanying you for both safety and as a guide. You didn’t think much of it at first. It was just picking herbs after all, right?

Wrong.

An hour later still found you searching through the grass for chamomile, your brows furrowed. Still, not even Yoongi’s warning could make you stop- even if you got wet, you would just change your clothes or something.

So invested were you in your task that you didn’t notice your surroundings, nor the time. When you finished, you whirled around to excitedly tell Yoongi- only to gape in surprise.

Around you, rain was pouring down, hard- but not where you were. Just… Just around.

When you looked up, you saw trees clustered around you, close, shielding you from the rain. Huge, and in any other situation they would have been imposing, but as it was, because of the trees even the sound of rain was slightly muffled, creating a semblance of peace within the area you were in. 

On one of the branches, you saw Yoongi frowning at the sky- his hands gently swaying as the trees obeyed his whims. It wasn’t hard to realize what he was doing.

Even when the rain stopped and you two returned to the campsite, not a single part of you was wet from the rain.

Jungkook, compared to Yoongi, was cheerful while shy. After your talk at the pub, and at that night in the kitchen, it seemed that he trusted you enough to let down his guard- becoming more relaxed and open as he told you about his adventures back home. Often he’d needle you about what your daily life was like, though you found it hard to answer. After all, the daily life you knew was drastically different from the one people had in here.

That wasn’t all he asked about, though. Jungkook had the curiosity of a cat and the energy of a puppy. Once he started getting interested about a subject he could keep asking about it for hours- only to surprise you when he would, in some sort of challenge to himself, attempt to learn all about it, proudly showing off his efforts to you after (which most of the time was a success). Talented and eager to learn, indeed- you could now understand why, despite being young even for his race, he was sent on the quest. 

“Jungkook.” If your tone was laced with amusement, well. He’d just have to deal with it.

On the ground before you, remained the mangled remains of a pheasant, a gaping hole in its body from the spear that pierced it.

Jungkook remained silent, but the look on his face told you everything you needed to know.

“I‘m pretty sure I told you spears won’t work the same way here on land that it would under the sea, right?” You continued.

He pressed his lips, eventually forming a pout.

You smirked, for once feeling the urge to tease him playfully. “... Really… you’re used to having your way, aren't you?”

It was obvious that you caught Jungkook off guard with your sudden teasing, and he sighed (in a rather dramatic way that had you biting back laughter). 

“Perhaps just a little…" he said, and you wouldn’t have been able to stop yourself from laughing then at how flushed his cheeks suddenly were, if it weren't for the look in his eyes that said he’d retaliate for any teasing done. “I’ll get it right next time, though. I know I will,” he muttered.

You could barely stop yourself from shaking your head. When you spoke, exasperation laced your voice. “You don't have to be the best at everything, you know. Do you see everything as a competition?”

It was then that he huffed before facing you with a playful grin. "You say that as though it's my fault I'm gifted at whatever I do. And as to your second question... hmmm, I don't know- tell me, do I?”

You scrunched up your nose at him, rolling your eyes dramatically. “Yes, yes, really… what’s even there to compete about?”

He only shrugged. “Well… when you say it like that, I suppose it isn’t so much as a need to compete, rather than a want to learn. I may not get a chance like this after this all ends, after all.”

His gaze lowered- and the words you were about to say were stuck in your throat. 

You scrambled your mind for a safer subject, instead. “If you really want to learn how to hunt on land, I mean… you could ask Seokjin, couldn’t you?”

“... Huh?” He looked back up at you, surprised. You continued speaking, almost stammering over your words.

“I-I mean! As an elf, he has to know a lot about the forest, and, I mean, he’s always carrying that bow! And, um, yeah, he’s old-” you winced and immediately backtracked, “-wise! He’s very wise!”

You cleared your throat as silence fell upon the two of you, the familiar rush of red flooding your cheeks. “So. Um. Yeah. You know. An option. If you want one.”

You kept your gaze firmly on the ground, away from him, resisting the urge to groan.

But then you heard Jungkook put the pheasant in his bag, and in a tone far too nonchalant for what he was thinking, he asked you, "… Y/N, which do you prefer? Hare, or deer?”

You blinked back at him, the sudden question surprising you. “I… I guess- deer? Um, why?”

He smirked. “Oh, no reason at all, I assure you,” he cheerfully replied. 

You couldn’t help smiling as you remembered the smug, but mostly proud expression on his face a few days after, as he presented a dead buck to you. It’d taken him hours to be able to do it as well as he intended, even with (and this part still had you reeling because honestly how, what even?) Seokjin’s help. 

Even more than that, when he shed away the ‘I am the best and you should pay attention to me’ show, you had to admit that Jungkook had this youthful, innocent charm around him, different from the one Jimin or Taehyung had- being able to melt even the hardest and coldest of people.

“I thought you didn’t know archery?” You looked at him curiously. “I’m no expert but this doesn’t seem like something a beginner could’ve done.”

He beamed at you. “I asked Seokjin for help!”

You stared at him in surprise. “You what?”

“I asked Seokjin for help,” he repeated, giggling at the dumbfounded look on your face. “Seokjin is a tough teacher, but he’s very thorough. Much better than my mentors back home,” he added.

You glanced up- meeting Seokjin’s eyes as he raised an eyebrow at you, before deliberately ignoring your gaze when he saw you were just gaping at him. Your eye twitched- and then you looked back at Jungkook, staring at him for a moment before your gaze became mock serious.

“You, are seriously dangerous,” you proclaimed, resisting the urge to smush his cheeks when he scrunched up his nose at you. “Seriously. No one is safe from you.”

He only laughed then. 

That night, and the next few ones, you all had plenty of food- although by the end of it you had to discreetly plead Jungkook to stop hunting, lest the presence of wildlife become too thin in the forest.

In a much better atmosphere than before, the journey to your next destination happened in a blink of the eye, and soon enough you were at the city of Crossroads.

»»————-　♔　————-««

“So this is Crossroads...” you heard Jungkook say in awe. Two weeks of being on the road with him- two weeks of being in close quarters with him almost every second of the day and Jungkook being a naturally open person had you being able to read him better and better. Even as you looked at him now, you could see the way his eyes flitted from almost every part of the city to another, his attention everywhere as he tried to take everything in. It was undeniably adorable.

“Countless books mention that the city of Crossroads is the capital of history,” Namjoon commented behind you. You looked at him to see him reading a book- before he snapped it shut and smiled. “It will be difficult, but for now there are a few inns we can rest at nearby, before we start looking for Alexander’s journal.”

“Still,” you mumbled as you looked at the copy of the map in your hands. “The city is really big, huh… I hope we find it in time…”

“You know, as nocturnal races we could start the search by ourselves,” Jimin suddenly spoke up. “As you’re so worried. After all, it’d be best to have this done as soon as possible, right?”

“Liars. You only want to slip away and do whatever you like,” Jungkook immediately accused them, frowning, before he turned to you. “We should go to the inn first, right?”

You almost wilted under their combined gazes, from Taehyung and Jimin who seemed to find amusement in your reaction to Jungkook’s who seemed to be asking for your support. Your eyes darted to Yoongi who only looked back at you calmly in return, as if to say that he was waiting for your reply too- Namjoon, who looked as if he wanted to intervene but held himself back.

You couldn’t see Seokjin in the back- but you could catch a glimpse of his back- as he crowded around Hoseok, who seemed uncomfortable. No help from anyone, it seemed.

You fiddled with the strap of your bag as you tried to answer as calmly as you could. “Inn first. We’ve had a long trek getting here, so, um, we should probably get some rest first,” you said, before faltering. “I mean, as much as the quest is important, it shouldn’t affect it too much to rest for one night, right? And, um, the shops are closing, so... “

“Sounds good to me,” Yoongi nodded, smoothly continuing your words as he turned to Namjoon. “Where should we head to, then? How recent is that map of yours?”

Namjoon hesitated, before answering. “It should still be accurate, it was made just a few months ago.”

“Well then, let’s go?”

»»————-　♔　————-««

Upon arriving at the inn, it was easy to get rooms, just as Namjoon had said- there were as many libraries as there were inns in the city, and fortunately the one you chose, upon learning who you and your companions were, were offered free service all the way. You still didn’t quite trust nor believe it, but you wouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth anymore.

Dinner then on had been a peaceful affair too, as both Seokjin and Hoseok stayed in their rooms the moment they were given them- basically locking themselves up inside. Yoongi too had opted to join them, citing that the crowds were too noisy and technically, he didn’t need human food to survive, so… 

Jimin and Taehyung parted away from your table the moment you entered the bar connected to the inn, for what, you weren’t quite sure. Still, it wasn’t exactly unexpected anyway.

Thus it was only the three of you- you, Jungkook, and Namjoon. Dinner was somewhat peaceful then- or, at least, as much as it was with Jungkook being his curious self. He didn’t ask much while eating, but afterwards he kept asking you about so many things he’d seen as you entered Crossroads, ones that you were, while tired, all too happy to indulge him with. 

Of course, in accordance to your luck someone spilt soup on you as the three of you got up to leave- the perpetrator, a drunk man who, after drinking some water and talking to, turned out to be quite decent. Still, dealing with your wet clothes was much easier and something you preferred rather than talking to the man who was half-intoxicated, you just decided to go on ahead to your room.

»»————-　♔　————-««

“Although I expected it to be big, I didn’t think it’d be this big.”

Currently, you and Namjoon sat in what seemed to be the lobby of the guild, La Salutem. Situated near the middle of the city, it stood proudly and was obviously a center of operations, what with how many people passed through the doors.

Seokjin’s first suggestion in searching for the journal was to visit the guild, saying that if there was any place other than the kingdom of Quies that held Alexander’s old stuff, then it would be in the very guild he founded. Thus found you hours later, sitting in the lobby with the two men. While Jungkook originally wanted to go with you, he’d been told to stay at the inn with the explanation that as Seokjin had to go, someone had to stay behind and mediate if something happened with the others, and Yoongi might need help. With that, Jungkook reluctantly agreed.

Seokjin had gone ahead to talk with the guildmaster. While initially you prepared yourself for another uncomfortable one-on-one talk with a member of the ‘All Hail the Savior Y/N’ club, both men had, thankfully enough, picked up on your unspoken feelings about it. Though you still had to come along to the guild just in case- Seokjin would talk to the guildmaster himself.

You were still left with Namjoon- but, well. You were getting better at the whole ‘not looking like I’m freaking out over everything 24/7’ attitude, and it was getting easier to treat his more subtle (now) hero worship as nothing, so…

“Crossroads has a long history intertwined with not only the war, but the guild. This city holds one of the first guildhalls established, which must have been when it was but a small town- explaining how it remains in the very center of the city, as if Crossroads was built around it,” Namjoon explained, his words delving into a sort of rant near the end, though he soon stopped and grinned. “Though I admit, I find myself fascinated as well.”  

“‘La Salutem’, huh?” You mumbled as you looked around. “That means…”

“- ‘safety’,” Namjoon added. “‘Protection’, ‘health’, ‘security’. All things that La Salutem strives to embody, as a symbol of peace and prosperity for all that supported so many not only during, but after the war.”

“For all, huh…” 

Your eyes trailed over the banners that decorated the walls- and your conversation with Jungkook last night easily came to mind.

“Hey, Jungkook… um, can you… do you know what the war was about?”

“I don’t really know much about it,” Jungkook frowned as he nibbled on a piece of sushi. The inn you were staying at allowed you free reign of their facilities, and guess what- Jungkook actually knew how to make sushi, the food in question actually a specialty of his people. Was there anything he couldn’t do? “I was born after it ended, and even before that, mermaids stayed out of the entire war.”

“That’s okay,” you reassured him. “Just- um, tell me what you know, please? When I asked before in the kingdom, no one could answer me, so… and, well, um, I’m not sure if it’s something Yoongi would be okay with me asking.”

“Oh.” He scrunched up his nose, deep in thought, before answering. 

“No one knows how it started, if I remember correctly,” he started. “But... one day, they say dragons began to grow more greedy and blood thirsty. They started conquering towns and cities, even those from other species, looting and robbing them too, and then using the captured towns as their slaves, their own to use. It was… a pretty dark time. There were many more dragons then- enough that they had a capital too. Their power, the fact that no one expected them to suddenly attack others, and not to mention their numbers helped them. Each race kept to themselves then, and yet all the same it plunged everyone in distress, ready to bow down and acquiesce to the rule of the tyrants- but then there was a prophecy about the downfall of the dragons, and the arrival of a hero.”

“It was the only reason they still had hope. It was a good thing, too, as the dragons had taken over what had to be a fair amount of cities then- and a few kingdoms too, when he came. The Hero, Alexander. They say he arrived as the sky blazed bright. People didn’t believe him at first, when he declared that he was the chosen one, but…”

“Just when a city was about to be besieged by the dragons, he came up with a plan to defeat them. It was ingenious- and no one thought he’d succeed, because his plan seemed too ridiculous to work- but it did. And after that, he began to come up with other contributions to the war, the first and greatest of which was to unite the races to defeat the dragons.”

You released a shaky exhale at his words, at the story he was telling you. It was obvious to see the parallels between you and this ‘Hero’, and the way that the people treated you suddenly made a whole lot more sense.

“The humans and the mages were the greatest partners in the war, then- humans with their inventions and mages with their spells and enchantments. The elves, as much as they disdained getting involved with anything outside of their forests were persuaded to join, by the Hero of course- and so were the fae. I can remember my teacher telling me about Seokjin and Yoongi too, actually, how they fought in the war as well. Together they defeated the dragons and ushered in an era of peace.”

“... What about the other races, then?” You questioned. “What about the- yokai? The vampires? Surely they had to be involved in some way too.”

“That…” Jungkook paused, a furrow in his eyebrow as he tried to remember. “I think… I think I can recall people saying that yokai joined the war, but that most of them sided with the dragons. And as for vampires… They mostly acted as mercenaries in the war, fighting for whichever side offered them more money.”

It offered so much more insight to the way each race reacted to another than the book you read before could. Or, at least, that was how you saw it- piecing in what you could read between the lines as each race interacted with each other.

When the war ended, what exactly happened? To the victors went the spoils, after all. It was easy to imagine it now- the sins of the fathers being passed down to their children, the discrimination that followed those who lost, the whole race branded as evil, as wild, as dangerous. 

Humans and mages led the winning side, and so they were given the biggest credit, flourishing and thriving on the shares given to them as they took over what the losing side had. Lands, cities, treasures of all shapes and sizes taken not just as payment, but also as deterrent. 

For elves, the fae, both entered the war mostly just to protect themselves, and they succeeded- though, of course, the greater the risk taken, the greater the rewards reaped. They lost less than mages and humans, but in return they had little to show for after the war. They only kept autonomy over what they originally had- the lands and the forest that they lived in.

Mermaids- having stayed out of the war, the most neutral of all races as they refused to join in any way at all, remained almost completely clueless and out of touch with the developments that happened after the war then, as they isolated themselves.

Then the vampires, who, in a sense acted neutral- favoring no side but that of coins and money. The yokai who were divided, some joining humans, but most of them joining the other side… not to mention the dragons themselves.

You could easily see how the effects of the war lingered on from what happened then until now. You hadn’t seen even a hint of the last three races anywhere since you began your journey. While at first you chalked it up to each of the races not liking interaction with the others, now that you knew more about the war, it was easier to pick up on the general subtle hatred of the populace against the three.

It was obvious even now, inside the guild. You could hear certain words about vampires and yokai being spoken with disdain, apathy at best and hatred at worst, though more often than not disgust was in there too.

“I wonder if this is why they didn’t want to come with us…” You sighed, eyeing the recruitment posters, and the mission board- both of which further proved your suspicions. The recruitment posters, as long as they were, only held spiel about humans and mages, though a few minor lines were dedicated to elves and fae. And the mission board- you could see several job posters that called for a mediator between them and a ‘troublesome person’.

Well. Though. It wasn’t really much of a surprise, was it? Nothing was perfect- and even this, as much as the guild, as much as ‘La Salutem’ seemed to represent the harmony between races, well. You discreetly slid down into your seat with a sigh. 

Then you jerked back up at the sight of Seokjin coming down the stairs.

“It’s not in here,” he announced as he arrived to you both, a furrow in his eyebrows the only sign of his frustration. “We talked about it, but it seems that the item in question wasn’t given to the guild.”

“B-But there has to be a clue, he mentioned in the recording he wanted it to be known,” you muttered, deep in thought as well.

“It might be with one of the books he kept preserved then donated to the city’s libraries,” Seokjin didn’t quite sigh so much as the words left his mouth in a weary undertone and a light scowl. To the side, you noticed Namjoon closing his mouth, his face twisting before he looked away. Well, no surprise he’s not enthusiastic about it either. Who would?

You tried your best not to groan, you really did. “... The city? The whole city?”

He sighed, evidently dreading what was coming himself. “Yes. And… it seems we have no choice but to search manually.”

… Fucking hell damnit.

»»————-　♔　————-««

When you all returned to the inn, to your relief it didn’t take much before the boys were all assembled again, even as your nerves rolled in your stomach- a common thing that happened every time you held a meeting in regards to the quest.

“Alexander’s journals,” Namjoon spoke up first among you, his notes and a copy of the city’s map laid down on the floor in between all of you. “The guild already spoke to us that they don’t have the journal, but that it should still be here in the city… Although Crossroads is quite large, and there are many libraries around…”

“We should split up then to have an easier time searching,” Yoongi suggested as he looked at the map. “It’d be a more efficient way to cover ground, too.” 

His eyes flickered to you. “... How should we divide the teams, Y/N?”

You stiffened as everyone’s attention fell on you, except for Seokjin who seemed more content examining the notes.

“M-Me?” You stammered. Jimin’s lips curled into an amused smile.

“Well, yes. You are our leader, after all.”

You bit the inside of your cheek at that. Jimin’s words technically, were true, as much as you didn’t want to admit it. It didn’t quite help that Yoongi and Jungkook supported your ‘leadership’, as much as you first considered them trustworthy. 

Actually, on second thought, Jungkook was understandable. Yoongi was the insane one for still holding you to your alleged position when he knew how unfitted you were. Even if he thought you had potential.

You sighed as you looked over the men in the room one more time.

If you had to pair them up, then it would have to… Well, it would have to be by who got along with who, right? Although you definitely couldn’t put Jimin or Taehyung together- you weren’t sure they’d actually get anything done, no matter how Taehyung seemed to actually put in effort, and how Jimin apologized before. No, you had to break them up- but with who? You racked your brain for an answer- recollections of the many times Jungkook and Jimin almost got into a fight flitting in your mind, as well as the way Seokjin seemed to hold everyone at an arms’ length. Then again, so did everyone else to each other, now that you think about it. Jungkook was the exception- after the events in Rivermouth, he seemed to open up a bit more, becoming closer with both Yoongi and Seokjin. Still…

“Namjoon and Jungkook,” you slowly started. Namjoon’s shoulders slumped minisculely, and Jungkook looked disappointed for a moment- but then the next moment they seemed the same again, making you wonder if you had just been seeing things for a moment. Ah well.

“Seokjin and Taehyung,” you continued. Now your decision was met with raised eyebrows- mainly from both Jimin and Taehyung.

“Lastly, Yoongi and Jimin.”

Yoongi only held your gaze for a moment, as if to ask you if you were sure- then he looked away, catching Jimin’s eyes, who frowned, though it soon changed into a smile.

“I have every faith in our leader’s words,” he almost purred. “If she says we’re to do this together, then together we will do this task.”

You had to smother the laughter that built in you at the momentary twitch of the eyebrow you noticed from Yoongi, though he curtly nodded afterwards all the same.

“That said,” you added, “If anyone, um, if anyone has anything they want to say or add, about the teams, we’ll, um, we can discuss it.” You inwardly cheered yourself at how you managed to stop yourself from turning your sentence into a question.

A moment of silence fell in the room as each person looked at the others. Still, it seemed that they’d accepted your suggestions. You looked at Taehyung last, as you hadn’t heard anything from him as you mentioned the pairings, but he only looked nonchalant.

“You won’t hear a word from me,” Taehyung remarked, before a small smile alighted his lips. “Though I hope you don’t regret it,” he snickered. You scrunched up your nose at him before rolling your eyes.

“You’ll be with Hoseok, then.”

You looked at Seokjin, surprised at his sudden words- for a moment you’d forgotten about Hoseok, who remained quiet all throughout the meeting. Meeting Hoseok’s eyes, you flushed, embarrassed at how you were reminded of his presence only because of Seokjin.

“Um, yes. Those are the teams,” you cleared your throat.

Your eyes darted over to Yoongi- who, to your relief read the plea for help as it was and continued the meeting. “Now, as for which pairs will be covering which parts of the city…”

»»————-　♔　————-««

And that was that. Surprisingly enough, as much trouble as there had been deciding which ones would pair up with which to search the city, the rest of the meeting turned out well- Seokjin and Yoongi leading it, planning out what to do.

… Okay, you had to admit, there was a moment after the meeting, when you came down for your nightly talk sessions with Yoongi and Jungkook, that you found yourself faced with a sudden, unexpected little problem.

When you stepped into the kitchen, it was to the usual sight. Tea on the table (brewed by Yoongi, of course), snacks (also prepared by Yoongi, who knew he was such a housewife? You didn’t even think it possible, the image of gentle, domestic Yoongi cooking so far from what you first saw him as, but here you were), an amused Yoongi- you paused, why was he amused? Did something happen?

Then you looked at your other companion and had a double take.

Jungkook sat on the other side of the table from where Yoongi was, body hunched and head slightly turned away from you- and it didn’t take you more than two steps closer to see the frown that practically defined his current mood.

You warily stepped around him, choosing to gingerly take a seat beside Yoongi instead, confused. If you knew why Jungkook was sporting a scowl you might have made some attempt to talk to him, but as it was, you didn’t have a single clue why. If you talked to him now- you had a feeling you’d do more harm than good. Instead, you looked over at Yoongi, who looked a step away from snickering. You could see the smirk that lingered on his face, though he covered it behind the cup of tea he held.

‘What happened,’ you mouthed to him. He raised an eyebrow at you, as if to say ‘you don’t know?’. You narrowed your eyes at him, taking a quick look at Jungkook who seemed fully immersed into the glaring contest he was holding with his tea, before turning back to Yoongi.

‘Would I be asking if I did?’

“Neither of you are subtle at all,” Jungkook finally broke the silence in the kitchen with a grumble, gaze finally leaving his tea, but still, to your confusion, not to you. “I’ll have you know I’m neither blind nor deaf.”

“Well,” you started. “Um, you seemed a little, um, preoccupied?” You fidgeted with your hands, worry and concern bubbling over. “Jungkook, um- I mean, you don’t have to say anything, if you don’t want to, I mean, but just- are you okay?”

“... Don’t concern yourself over me,” he muttered. “This is nothing.”

You paused, feeling a trickle of apprehension flow through you. “But... um. You… seem like you’re in a bad mood.”

“... You said we’d tour around the next town we stopped at, he’s probably upset over that.” Yoongi generously offered, something close to laughter evident in his voice. As if on cue, Jungkook scoffed loudly.

“I’m not upset.”

“Oh.” 

You immediately had to hide the grin on your face with your hands, then, or even show a hint that you were feeling anything close to amusement, but eventually the amusement faded and you felt bad that he was, well, disappointed.

“I… I chose those teams for a reason,” you explained, hoping that it’d lessen his frustration. “I-I mean, if I had my way, I’d want to be with you, you know,” you admitted. “But, um, I made the decision based on who could work with each other best while, um, while taking the others into account. So… please, I mean, I’m sorry… I didn’t want to make you feel like I’d forgotten about it or something.”

You looked down, your hands fidgeting with each other, awaiting his response- 

- and to your surprise, Jungkook only deflated, the scowl turning into a pout. Glaring eyes became downcast,  fingers loosening from the tight grip they had on the cup. For a moment or two he seemed to be torn, before he released a long sigh.

When he spoke, it was still with the pout on his face and you had to physically stop yourself from cooing, finding him and his reaction way. Too. Adorable. “No, I understand. If it happened that you and I were on the same team I would be too tempted to do nothing but what I wanted. Which, admittedly, has nothing to do with the quest.”

“That doesn’t mean I have to like it though. I was looking forward to going around the city with you,” he mumbled, before pausing, a flush covering his face. “Both. You b-both.”

You ducked your head, feeling a wave of warmth wash over you at his words. Still, it was hard to keep the red out of your cheeks, the giddy smile on your face too wide. 

The shit-eating grin on Yoongi’s face was what made you finally compose yourself though, already dreading the teasing comments you’d certainly be hearing in the future.

“Really? But, I mean, it’s not like we’ll be separated the whole time,” you finally said, your voice light and giggly. “I’ll still see you in the evenings.”

“I know,” he- did Jungkook just roll his eyes at you? You had to stifle your laughter then. “I told you, this is nothing. I’ll get over it.”

With that said, he turned away, but not before you could spot the pout that, if possible, became bigger.. 

“... maybe we can have a few hours the day we leave to have a little walk around?” You suggested, smile faltering afterwards as you corrected yourself. “The three of us, of course. I’d, um, I’d love to do that with you guys.”

You heard Yoongi let out a small half-laughter at your words- you were so, so tempted to kick him then. As it was, you glared at him instead. 

Still, you could hear him snicker as he nodded his head, adding, “Of course, you could also take notes of places you really want to visit together along the way.”

“Yeah,” you mumbled- and this time it was you who had to avert their gaze as he looked back at you two. “So, I-I mean. Um- we can spare some time, m-maybe after the day’s search? And- well, I-I guess not,” you amended your words, wincing at your habit of speaking before you thought about it, descending into a rambling mess now, not noticing Jungkook’s brooding turning into something softer. “Well, I was going to say that we could walk around and take a look at s-some of the shops, but, I mean, on second thought if it’s night time they’re probably gonna be closed and we need to have energy so if we spend most of it wandering around we-”

A huff of laughter, and then- you stilled as fingers gently tucked a loose hair back, Jungkook’s focus on you then making your thoughts just stop.

“Um-” you choked out. “I-I-I-w-what?”

“I told you, I’d get over it. I’m not a child.”

“But if you insist, I wouldn’t be declining. Though…  you should wear the hairpin more often,” he finally said, a hint of smugness visible in his eyes. “If you’re only walking around, it wouldn’t be hard to keep it from falling, now would it?”

“I-” you stammered, “I m-mean, I, I guess so.”

He grinned. “Then, as a symbol of our friendship, and as a reminder of your words,” he grinned. “Tomorrow, before you head out with Hoseok, wear it- please,” he added at the end, though it didn’t erase the self-satisfied look on his face.

“Uh.”

All traces of whatever bad mood he’d been in before was absent then as he finally leaned back, and, with a hum, drained his cup dry of tea in a single swoop.

“Well, I hate to admit it, but I’m feeling quite tired,” he cheerfully announced. “I’m going to retire to my bed now- goodnight, Y/N, Yoongi.”

Even as he left, you could only gaze after him, mouth still slight open at his sudden actions.

What even…

It was only when Yoongi finally burst into loud chuckles that you were released out of your stupor.

“Pfft!”

“... Yoongi!” You cried out, red covering your whole face as you gave in and finally smacked him on the shoulder. “Stop laughing!”

���‘Stop laughing’, she says,” he cracked up even further. “Did any of you even notice at all- no, of course not,” he grinned, before it turned into a smirk. “But you know, if you’d seen-"

“I’m not listening,” you half-yelled half-shrieked, letting your head fall to the table as you covered your ears and shut your eyes. “La la la la la, I’m not listening!”

You stubbornly kept it up, determined to wait it out and spare yourself the teasing- although you couldn’t deny, that, well, a part of you was enjoying this. In some way. As much as you were embarrassed, in the moment, it felt like- well. It felt like the two of you were like closer friends, ones you’d see in so many places, teasing each other even if it made the other person angry beyond hell.

… although this wasn’t quite a normal friendship based on normal things.

And that was that.

Still, even with all the preparations, there was still a part of you that worried whether you would succeed in finding the elusive journal. The city was huge, after all, and a bustling port- it wasn’t hard to think that maybe the book had already been taken. Then again, Namjoon said he was certain, and considering his track record, you took him at his word.

So even as the fourth day rolled in, you decided to keep your spirits up.

In a way, you had to admit that there was something nice about going around the city with Hoseok. Make no mistake, the people at Crossroads, upon learning about your status treated you the same way the villagers at Rivermouth did- with reverence and awe. Wherever you went, you could feel eyes trailing after your every move- something that, while it used to unnerve you greatly, faded a little with every day that you had to endure it. At least, to the point where you could dismiss it as part of the background, somewhat. It helped that there were so many travellers and visitors in the city, who were there only for a short time and thus didn’t know who you were, ironically granting you more peace of mind in a crowd than there was without.

It was the first time since you arrived that you were able to talk to Hoseok one on one, too. That you were able to study him.

Hoseok was… an enigma, in a different way from the others. Sweet, polite and kind- but then you’d notice the moment someone got too close to him, he would back away and reject their touch, one particular time even flinching away when someone hugged him, mistaking him for someone else. It reminded you of the time you met him, though now you knew better.

Spending time with him was preferable compared to everyone but Yoongi and Jungkook.

“Y/N, do you- uh, do you mind if we try that today?”

You looked over his shoulder at the stall he was pointing at, noting the delicious smell of food that wafted from it. Another thing that helped you relax around him- you soon found out that Hoseok, much like Jungkook, held a very short history of interaction with humans. On your second day, after a few cautious suggestions from you, you both decided to satiate your curiosities and take your time examining each part of the city as you went from library to library- which included sampling each of the dishes and snacks you would pass by.

You wouldn’t admit it so easily out loud, but… Hoseok had a certain pull that you couldn’t help but get dragged into. At first, the atmosphere between the two of you was tense, all the way; he put nearly a few feet of distance at most, a foot at least between the two of you at all times, he remained quiet unless spoken to, and even then his words were short. It was almost as if you were with a ghost, but… 

“Hoseok!” You stood firm in your ground then, although the way your heart beat ever so fast, so nervously, easily gave you away. “Can you listen to me for a moment?”

“Uhm.” If the wide eyed stare wasn’t enough, the way he quickly averted his eyes gave away how close he was to bolting. At this point, even you could tell that he was avoiding you- in a weird, sort of way. Actually, it was probably easier for you to notice that he was avoiding you, because the subtle way he’d leave the area whenever you arrived, staying as quiet as possible unless spoken to, his words short and faint, well, you had firsthand experience with all of that.

“I just wanted to tell you something, please,” you lowered your voice, aiming for something soft and easy on the ears. To your endless relief then, he slowly, hesitantly, but all the same he nodded his head.

“Hoseok… do you, um,” you paused for a moment, trying to gather the courage. “It’s okay to, um, to talk to me? I mean-” you flushed. “I just, did I do anything to make you feel uncomfortable? We’re working together on this quest, and, just, um, I don’t want you to feel like you have to- um, like you have to keep so far away from me at all times.”

“I also… I mean, I also want to hear about what you think,” you mumbled out the last parts of your small speech, gaze trained on the ground as you nervously awaited his reply. Then you cringed. “No, sorry, um, you don’t have to if you don’t want to and I’m sorry for being pushy-”

“No!” Your head snapped up in surprise as you met his panicked eyes, and the two of you stared at each other, both shocked and nervous.

“Are you sure-”

“I should be-”

The two of you stopped again as you spoke at the same time, a deeper flush covering both of your cheeks. Though, you couldn’t help but giggle a little at the situation. Hoseok’s shoulders slumped forward, and you gave him a sympathetic smile.

“I...I’ll try,” you eventually heard him mumble. You grinned at him; Hoseok averted his gaze yet again, but you could still see the small tug at his lips.

“That’s all I ask for.”

True to his word, you had an easier time communicating with Hoseok then. What was a few feet of distance eventually reduced to walking side by side, and when you talked you didn’t seem like someone just talking to herself like a crazy person- well. You hoped you didn’t.

It always helped that Hoseok had a nice voice that you liked hearing.

“Sure,” you smiled. “I’ll just wait here, then.”

Currently the two of you had just about explored most parts of the city, at least the part assigned to the two of you. While you weren’t sure, you hoped at least that one pair would make progress in the search- but until then, you had to keep looking.

“Where do we go now, though…” You muttered to yourself as you examined the map in your hands.

“Miss Y/N?”

You glanced up at the voice. A familiar face greeted your eyes- your smile became a little strained as you recognized the person speaking to you. “Hello. You’re- uh, the one from the inn a few days ago, right? Abby?”

He chuckled at you. “‘Abby’... That’s really what they told you, huh? Then again, it is a nickname of mine… yes, I am. Glad to know I’m not that forgettable.”

“I don’t think I could forget someone who spilled soup on me... no offense meant, though,” you mumbled, cheeks reddening at the last part. He only laughed in response. 

“Yes, well, I can get wild when drunk… I apologize for that. Enough about me, though. I didn’t expect to see you again.”

“We’re-” You paused, thinking over your words. “We’re staying here for a while. Crossroads is pretty famous. There’s a lot to see and visit.”

He seemed pleased at that, a grin appearing on his face. “It is, isn’t it? Not only is it a central focus of trade, it has a long history too,” he boasted. “It’s one of the best cities in the kingdom.”

You smiled a little more genuinely at the sparkle in his eyes as he talked about the city.

“Which places have you already visited? Wait- actually, where’s your guide? I want to ask him if there are spots you haven’t visited yet,” he suddenly said.

Guides? … You hadn’t seen any, and you didn’t think there would be any…

“We’re just- um, we’re just actually walking around by ourselves,” you admitted. “I mean, if we had a guide, we’d probably have to set like- a time limit for every place, right? I like to, um, take my time.”

“You like to immerse in the city?” You hesitantly nodded. “You’ll miss out on a lot if you go just by yourselves, though…”

“Oh, I know! Maybe I can help. Why don’t I be your guide?” He suggested, grinning at you. “I never did get to formally ask for your forgiveness, for the other night.”

You fell silent.. 

“Ah, sorry,” he said, seeing your face turn somewhat wary. “Too sudden?”

You flushed. “Oh no, just…”

While the quest wasn’t really a secret, the finer details of it was. You weren’t sure if it was okay to bring in a stranger’s help.

“I’m- um, I’m not sure right now... we kind of already have plans for today,” you cautiously answered. It was best to discuss this first with Yoongi and the others, right? “How about tomorrow?”

He frowned, disappointment evident on his face. “I guess… Though, I’m supposed to leave in two days for work….”

“Oh,” you mumbled.

“Tomorrow, right? Consider it, okay? I could be a big help,” he offered again. “I’m a native to this city, after all. Born and raised here.”

You perked up at his words- though still unsure. Yoongi’s words resounded in your mind- ‘Be wary of everyone, you aren’t familiar much with anything here and it’s easy to trick you.’

“... Are you- um, are you familiar with Alexander?” You eventually asked, deciding on a middle ground- 

“Alexander, the hero? Of course! I know more about him than anyone here,” he jovially grinned. You released a sigh of relief at that. It wasn’t like any of you had been making progress on your own so far, so…

“Um- If it’s alright, can you tell us about him, then? Just for a while.”

“Sure- oh wait, I’ll just finish up my purchase. Be back in a bit.” And with that he delved back into the crowd, though you could see his back enter a shop nearby.

You pocketed the map in your hands, sighing. That… while you were hopeful at the sign of help, you were still unsure- you also felt it could have gone better too.

The smell of noodles under your nose brought your focus back- you looked down, then to the side- meeting Hoseok’s worried gaze. You blinked- and then reacted.

“Uh- sorry, Hoseok,” you flushed. “How long have you been standing there?”

“I just arrived a few seconds ago,” he reassured you, before peering up at you with an odd look in his eyes. “That said… who were you talking to just now?”

“Oh,” you tensed up. “That- someone I bumped into at the pub when we first arrived. It- um, it turns out that he knows a lot about the city, including, um, Alexander, and we weren’t making progress, so…” You faltered.”I mean, he offered to help as an apology? And I thought, again, it’s not like we’ve made much progress so far- not that we haven’t just been walking around, and it’s not like I just took his offer, just talking for a bit- I mean, we’ve covered a lot of the city by now and I’m having fun too, although I know this isn’t really for fun but you know what I mean and oh god I’m so sorry I’m just rambling right now.”

You fell silent, feeling the urge to cover your face with your hands, your face red- though unable to do so as you were holding food. You didn’t dare look up- only giving Hoseok a tentative glance when he hesitantly patted you on the back.

“That’s good news then, right? I mean, if he has information about the man that we don’t, it should help us.”

“That- yeah.” You hardly dared to react too much in fear that he would pull his hands away. For all that he was a dragon and they were assumed to be monstrously strong, Hoseok was gentle as he comforted you. In fact, his touch was light on your back- barely even touching you.

The two of you stayed like that for a few moments, until you saw the man come back, a noticeable bulge in his bag that wasn’t there before. He raised an eyebrow at the two of you- Hoseok withdrew his hands, his face reddening as much as yours did.

“Companion of yours?” He asked as he drew near.

“Um- yeah.” You dithered introducing Hoseok him- should you? It would be impolite, right? But for some reason, you could tell that Hoseok was wary of him. Still, before you could speak up again, Hoseok coughed, nodding at the man, a small, polite smile on his face. 

“Please, just call me Hoseok.” 

»»————-　♔　————-««

“Abby?” Namjoon repeated your words later that night, a slight frown appearing on his face. You looked up at him, a touch nervous as your hands fidgeted with the food on your plate.

“Um- yeah. Remember, the guy I bumped into our first night here? Red hair, silver badge with angel wings on his chest? We met him again earlier, and he said he had information about Alexander…” You trailed off near the end as Namjoon’s eyebrows remained furrowed- and you wondered what he was thinking about. 

“Are you- um, I didn’t say anything about the quest, if that’s what you were worried about,” you offered. “I just told him we were travellers who got interested in Alexander and his journals, since he’s someone famous in this city.”

“Oh- no, I mean,” Namjoon hesitated. “It- it’s nothing.”

“... It is alright, isn’t it?” You looked up, meeting Yoongi’s eyes.

Dinner at Crossroads for the time consisted of only you, Namjoon, Seokjin, Yoongi and Jungkook- you all agreed that you had to meet up nightly to discuss the efforts of the search, if only to conserve efforts. Still, it didn’t take much for you to notice how uncomfortable Seokjin and Yoongi were with the rowdy crowds ever present in the pub.

Currently you retold to them your encounter with Abby. It seemed to be a bit of a saving grace, really, as no one had had any luck so far. 

Seokjin and Taehyung had stuck to the plan quite neatly- you were amused to confirm that even Taehyung bent under Seokjin’s cold gaze, although from what you could tell he remained playful all the way. They followed and checked every place assigned to them in an orderly manner. Seokjin admitted in a quiet voice that Taehyung charmed the librarians and shop owners into helping them, but that they had no progress. No one had even heard of a journal in Alexander’s name, nor had they seen any book that matched its description.

The less said about Jimin and Yoongi, the better. Yoongi and Seokjin were the only ones that could Jimin in check so far, you noticed, so you put Yoongi and him together- but, hearing about their experiences, you realized that in the same line of thinking you set Yoongi up to be his glorified babysitter.

Namjoon and Jungkook, lastly seemed to be like you and Hoseok- simultaneously touring around while checking the appointed locations to them. Jungkook seemed to take a shine to Namjoon too, excitedly asking him about anything that he didn’t understand. Namjoon in turn seemed to take his questions in stride as he answered them as best as he could. 

Honestly, a part of you felt more than happy seeing Jungkook branch out, gaining a friend… or something like that in Namjoon. Even in your nightly chats together, all he could speak about was the little things he’d learnt about, and what he wanted to share with you. Although you yourself couldn’t stand to be in Namjoon’s presence because of the- well. You were at least happy for him. Them.

Still, they didn’t have any information either.

“If you’re sure of what you saw, then it should be,” Yoongi spoke up. When you looked at him with confusion, he explained. “A badge with angel wings means they’re part of the Silver Vanguard.”

“Silver Vanguard?” 

“It refers to an elite unit in La Salutem.” This time, you were surprised to hear Seokjin’s voice. When you looked at him, though, he seemed to be focused on his food, even as he spoke. “They only allow warriors who have a long history of merits to join. And if the person that you met really is a part of it, then... he might be trustworthy,” he finally said. “Still, remain on guard.”

“Wow, Y/N, way to go!” Jungkook grinned. “That’s more progress than any of us have done so far.”

“So it’s alright then, right?” You asked once more. Yoongi nodded. Jungkook bumped your shoulder in support- and even Seokjin seemed to quietly give his approval.

None of you quite noticed the lingering frown on Namjoon’s face.

»»————-　♔　————-««

The sun, painted in red and orange currently made a brilliant backdrop from where you were. Your feet hurt- but at least you were sitting down at the moment. The three of you were now at the park near the Fiendfyre ruins, after a day of touring with Abbadon (you had to ask him his name, you couldn’t keep calling him Abby after all no matter how he didn’t seem to mind it) as he immersed both you and Hoseok in the city’s history.

“You know a lot about the war, and the guild,” Hoseok quietly commented once, after Abbadon went into a rant about how it affected the trade in the city. Abbadon perked up at his words.

“So you speak!” He joked, before assuming a serious expression. “To answer your question, I’m a survivor of the war. There was an attack- my family didn’t survive, but... I was saved by La Salutem. They raised me.”

“You were?” He asked, his taut shoulders relaxing by a fraction, something you noted with relief.

You weren’t quite blind to the tension that existed between the two. For some reason, both were a touch, well, wary, about the other person, although it was mostly Hoseok. Whenever Abbadon wasn’t looking, from your position in the back you could see Hoseok give the other man glances, and then frown, something that happened more often as the day continued. With Abbadon’s answer now, though, he seemed to let go of some of his suspicions.

“Yeah. Trained me, too. And I got offered a place in their divisions right after the war ended,” Abbadon grinned.

“You must have done a lot of missions then,” you murmured. “Looking at your badge,” you explained. Abbadon chuckled. 

“So you’re looking for his journal?” Abbadon asked, a curious look on his face. “Huh. I didn’t think that was even real.”

“Yeah, well…” You flushed. “He seems like a really interesting guy, so.”

“True, true,” he agreed, before sighing. “Sorry I wasn’t much help in the end.”

“Oh, please!” You waved your hand, not wanting him to feel bad. “It’s not like our research was anything serious- besides, um, what matters is that we had a lot of fun today, right?”

For a moment your gaze flitted over to Hoseok who had been approached by a few children. From where you were, you could see him try to politely reject the kids- the keyword being try. They didn’t exactly give him the chance to make good on his answer as they pulled him to play.

Not that Hoseok seemed to mind it too much anyway, considering the smile on his face.

“If you’re curious about Alexander and his relics, then you should visit the castle ruins,” Abbadon told the two of you. “It’s a hidden place, known only to the city residents- a well-kept secret of ours.”

“A secret?” You echoed. “Why?”

“Why not?” He countered, before grinning. “Well, the reason is that there are bad memories attached to the place, so few people ever come there. Not to mention it’s falling apart, too, so it’s dangerous. Those that do are mostly kids curious about the ‘forbidden area’.”

“Fiendfyre, the castle of the late kings, and Blackburn, where the dragon’s fortress used to be.”

“Ah yes, he seems to be having a lot of fun, isn’t he?” Abbadon chuckled. “Still, they should be careful though, the ruins here are-”

“No!”

You suddenly gasped- some of the children playing close to you two had wandered too close to the ruins, tagging and pushing each other, when one of them tripped on the wall- causing a part of it to collapse. It fell straight down, and you could feel your heart beat in a frenzy-

But then dust cleared and there stood Hoseok, an arm propping up the huge rock as he shielded the children under him.

You released a shaky sigh of breath.

“Oh god, that was close,” you muttered, your heart still beating fast, before you turned to your companion. “Did you-”

He was staring straight at Hoseok, with an unreadable look in his eyes.

“Abbadon?” You hesitantly asked. 

“... I knew it. He’s a dragon, isn’t he? And that face… the son of the late king?” He finally said after a long while, and while his sentence ended in a question, the tone of his voice was a statement. You froze, and then you were about to refute his claim-

“Oh, don’t worry,” Abbadon smiled at you. “I’m not the type to talk or gossip with other people.”

You remained quiet, your nerves still strung high. Abbadon chuckled uneasily, a sheepish smile appearing on his lips.

“I won’t! I swear on my badge,” he promised you, a lighthearted air around him now. “That said, you should be careful though. Dragons- people around here have a complicated view of them, you know? Especially considering his status.”

“... I do,” you hesitantly replied. “I’m just surprised you easily realized it.”

He chortled. “Yes, well, in my job it’s an imperative to assess our surroundings, to know if we encounter an enemy or a friend. I just had this feeling when we met and I saw him- the super strength just confirmed it. Still, it’s something special, isn’t it?”

Your gaze returned to Hoseok’s figure, the bright smile contrasting with the red flush on his face as the two children and their mother thanked him profusely. 

True, you’d only recently got to know him better- only recently had you been able to take a look past the first set of walls he’d built around him, but even with the little that you’d seen so far...

“...Yeah, it is,” you smiled warmly. “He’s someone special.”

“Looks like it’ll be a while before they’re done playing, though,” Abbadon commented, frowning a little. “We still have one more memorial of Alexander’s that might help you, if you wanna take a look.”

“Though it’s getting dark soon…”

You hesitated, your eyes darting between Hoseok, the loud laughter of the children, then the darkening sky…

… It was fine, right? Abbadon had proven to be trustworthy, so far. It was the last option you could have at the moment- and tomorrow he’d be gone, while you and the others would have to stay, until at least you could get another clue about what to do next.

“... Okay,” you agreed, smiling at him. “Lead the way, please”

“Gladly,” he smiled. “It’ll just take a minute, I promise.”

You waved to Hoseok- but he remained busy, and you wondered if he’d even see you, the children asking him to play with them- you hurried your footsteps when you noticed your guide almost disappearing from view.

“W-Wait up!” You called, running after him- Abbadon’s figure almost disappearing amongst the trees. You frowned as he consistently remained just on the edge of your sight. What…?

When you came to, you realized that you were in a small clearing. “... Abbadon? Hello?” Your heart beat fast in your chest- a premonition, but then-

Your vision went black.

»»————-　♔　————-««

You woke up to coldness, clasped tightly around your limbs- the chill bitingly spreading across your limbs. When your eyes opened, for a few moments you could only groan- your memories and thoughts too jumbled to make sense of. Still, as you slowly came to, you realized one thing-

You were bound and chained to a wall.

As soon as the realization hit you, you instinctively jerked in horror and panic, the fear within you rising as the metal chains harshly kept you captive. You looked around again in panic- feeling the darkness seemingly close in on you, making you feel even more terrified-

“Y/N!”

You stilled, tears in your eyes. “... Hoseok?”

When you looked across you again, you finally made out the outline of Hoseok’s figure- and then you gasped.

If you thought your current situation was bad enough, Hoseok’s was way worse. Chains adorned almost every part of his body- from his feet, to his neck- even some sort of helmet cuff wrapped around his head. His hands and feet were similarly bound to his back, in a way that prevented him from moving at all, and you had no doubt that it was hard for him to even breathe, with how tight they were cuffed on him.

But it was the metal covering his face that was the worst of it.

“What…? Why are you chained up…?”

He smiled bitterly- or, at least you think he did. “To keep me from transforming. I think... “ For a moment he faltered, looking away, but then he continued. “I’m sorry. This is all my fault. I suspected it, but I wasn’t sure, and now you’re in danger.”

“‘All your fault’?” You repeated, confused and worried. “What do you- what does that mean?”

“It means that he’s aware of his sin.”

You fully flinched at the sudden voice that echoed through the walls of (what you were now sure to be) the dungeon. You glanced to the side, where the voice came from- freezing in surprise as the person revealed themselves.

“Abbadon?” You gaped, your mind scrambling to keep up. “You- why?”

The familiar figure of who you thought had been a friend and a guide- Abbadon looked at you with a slight smile on his face. “Hello, missy.”

“I-I thought- what’s going on,” you faltered. “Why are you doing this?”

“You don’t know?” He mused, coming closer to you. You flinched back when his hand drew close, a shiver running through you when he patted you on the head.

When you failed to answer, he let his hand fall away- staring at you.

“... You’re a part of La Salutem, aren’t you?” You eventually said. “This isn’t what the guild stands for, I’m sure.”

“Oh, you thought I was part of that stuffy old guild?” Abbadon giggled- your blood ran cold at the insinuations in his words. “Take a closer look, missy. These aren’t angel wings- these are dragon bones.”

“I- dragon bones?” You choked out. “What…”

“... You really are confusing, you know?” He eventually shook his head idly, intrigue on his face. “Maybe I should start with you first, cut you open, see how you can remain so deceptively naive.”

Hoseok suddenly growled- you stared at him in wide-eyed surprise, surprised to see this new side of him. “Let her go. She doesn’t know anything about it,” he snapped.

Abbadon only laughed. “Oh, I knew it! I knew there was something wrong- if she knew, she definitely wouldn’t be so lenient on you for even existing,” he chortled. You shivered at the tone of his voice- although you felt the beginnings of rage bubble up in you at his words.

“What do you mean by that?” 

“Lying before us in chains, is Prince Hoseok of the dragons,” he announced, a gleeful little smile on his face.

“I already knew who he was when I met him,” you frowned, still confused. He didn’t seem like he had a problem back then, so what…? “Not that any of it made me wary of him.”

“But you don’t know exactly why dragons are the vilest creatures, do you? There’s a reason they stay in their dirty little hovels,” Abbadon smiles, a nasty little thing that told you for some reason he believed he had information that would make you change your view. “Then again, it’s where they belong after all.”

“Really,” you narrowed your eyes at him. “And that reason’s what?”

“You’re evidently knowledgeable about the war. But nobody told you about the massacre, did they?”

“There was no massa-”

“Yes, there was. The massacre.” Abbadon’s voice was soft, yet deadly- a far away look in his eyes. “Near the war, the dragons were losing. As they should have been. After pillaging and conquering for so long, every rule of tyranny must come to an end. Good always triumphs evil, you see?”

“Mages and humans, together, on the battlefield, saving lives, not to mention elves and fae… I only watched memories of it, but, god, it must have been a sight to witness,” he sighed wistfully. “The rest of the other races stayed neutral or sold themselves out like whores- selfish cowards.”

“But it wasn’t enough, you know?” He eventually said, sighing as he walked over to Hoseok, looking down at him with sheer hatred in his eyes. He harshly struck him with the heel of his boot- smiling when Hoseok let out a muffled cry of pain. “Dragons are vile,” thwack! “selfish,” thwack! “greedy,” thwack! “filthy beasts.”

By the end of it Hoseok lied on the floor, unable to even speak as he curled in pain.

“Around their empire, the dragons had so many cities under them- a few of them composed from other races, but most of them human,” he said, still smiling, even as the resentment remained in his eyes. The look on his face kept you quiet- frozen in fear.

“Three days. Three days was all it would have taken to storm their dirty little hole,” he spat. “But the dragons, heartless as they were, loathed the thought of anyone taking away what they considered ‘theirs’.”

“So they burned down every city.”

Only the sound of breathing remained unnaturally loud- from who, you wondered. Was it you? It didn’t feel like it- you didn’t feel like you were breathing.

“The ruler of the dragons decided if they couldn’t have their empires then no one could have them,” Abbadon continued, every word smooth and hypnotizing even as he hissed them out. “Three days, and every city was burned. The amount of lives lost then- it was catastrophic. Not to mention how they must have felt. Three days, and dragons filled the sky, flames everywhere and bloodshed covering every area. Though they were all eventually eventually executed, it still doesn’t come close to repaying what they did.”

You didn’t notice Hoseok choke out a cry at his words, tears forming in his eyes. Abbadon only continued, eyes dull with pain and yet sharp with recollection at the same time.

“My family was one of those trapped, you know. I was only saved because I had to hunt animals then- I didn’t even find their remains, days after. All that remained was ashes all around.”

“The guild took me in, tried to give me a new life, but I said no. I only knew how to hunt animals- and even now, I still do my job. After all, don’t I have one in chains right now!?” He suddenly laughed, wild hatred present. “And to think! That I have the previous King’s son!”

“Why, I have the glory of putting an end to this evil bloodline,” he giggled. You wanted to throw up.

He turned around- you couldn’t quite keep yourself from biting your lip when he drew close.

“Knowing all that, doesn’t it make you regret ever standing up for it?” He sighed again.

“... So?” You eventually rasped out. “What does that have to do with Hoseok?”

He frowned. You continued, gritting your teeth.

“What does that have to do with him? So what if he’s that King’s son? That doesn’t mean that Hoseok is just like him!”

“Of course it does!” He spat at you, before calming down again. “No, no, I see now. You’ve spent too much time with it. It corrupted you. No matter, no matter… I’m not the type of person to kill someone innocent and manipulated by dragons to boot. I’ll let you go, on one condition,” he says, the smile remaining on his face. “I want you to kill it.”

“... What?” You stared at him in horrified disbelief. Still, he keeped smiling- manic, wild.

“If you won’t kill it, then I will. I’ll make sure to dispose of you after too,” he nonchalantly added, before visibly rethinking over his words. “Actually, nevermind. I think it’d be more fun to torture it.”

You felt bile rise up in your throat.

“If you’re really friends with this beast,” he hummed cheerfully, his tone becoming twisted as he gestured to Hoseok dramatically, “well, won’t you put it out of future misery then? I’ll even spare you, for finally coming to your senses.” He grinned. “Or- you could try to escape. But trust me, you’ll regret not accepting my deal.”

“Like hell I-!”

“Y/N,” Hoseok’s whimper was both a warning and a plea. You bit the inside of your cheek angrily- glaring instead at Abbadon who only gleefully smiled at your expression. 

When you saw his smile, you snapped.

“You sick bastard, I hope you rot in hell, because that’s where murderers like you belong!”

“Y/N!”

You trembled from the force of the blow- a bright, red mark showing on your cheek as Abbadon’s smile turned dark. Behind him, Hoseok’s growl was loud, fury present in the deep rumble on his voice.

“Cheeky little thing,” Abbadon sighed, swiftly moving away from you as you struggled in your chains to claw him up. “Really. Never would’ve thought you to be this rude too, when we met. No matter, I’m not that petty.”

Backing up, he aimed a blow at your stomach, and then at your head- you cried out in pain again, this time too weak to even fight back. Your sense dulled- you could barely make out anything. For a moment, all you could hear and feel was the thud of your heartbeat-

Moments later, when you felt a rush of clarity in your brain, you were shivering on the floor, weak, injured- but unshackled.

In front of you was a sharp knife.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes, Missy. If your dragon isn’t dead by then, you can watch me as I punish it.” Abbadon’s voice echoed through the hallway. “Or you could join me, if you finally see the light.”

Thud

Thud

Thud

For a few moments you could only lie there in pain, groans leaving you, your heartbeat the only thing your mind could hold onto.

It was- hard to think. Hard to- feel. Brief flashes of pain flared up in your body, and you felt as if you would throw up- 

But then your blurry eyes met Hoseok’s and the situation sunk in.

Why were you lying down? 

You had to- you had to get up. 

You had to get up- do something-

Your stomach hurt so much- and your head, god, your vision was still shaky, your hearing faint. Hoseok’s words barely registered in your brain. You didn’t even understand what he was saying. 

But, you slowly thought, your legs weren’t injured. Neither were your arms.

You took a deep breath- whimpering in pain as you slowly got to your knees- and then to your feet.

Across you, Hoseok remained silent, still. No, no, no… that was bad. That was bad, right? Hoseok couldn’t- he had to keep going.

You took a step forward, your steps shaky- but still you continued. Think. Think. You had to get him out the chains somehow- find a way to free him, so you could escape together.

You forced yourself to go forward, your legs trembling as you reached him.

From where you were, you could see Hoseok’s eyes flutter open weakly. Unfocused- before they fell on you. Good, that was good, he was still conscious, you two still had hope. Now back to your main problem.

“... elf.”

You stared at the chains, still thinking. How, how how how? How were you going to get it off him?

“Y/N,” Hoseok whispered your name. You examined the chains- thick, metal, it was solid and obviously wouldn’t easily melt or break. Okay. Okay, so you had to look for another way.

“Y/N!” Hoseok’s yell was more of a groan- one that immediately took a toll on him as he coughed and hacked after. You immediately flinched, tearing up, even as your hands hovering uselessly above him as you soothed circles on his back.

“Sorry! Sorry- I’ll get you out, don’t worry, just…” You trailed off, frustrated with yourself. Hoseok caught one of your hands as you grabbed one of the chains again.

“Y/N, just go without me. Save yourself.”

The chain in your hand fell to the ground.

“Don’t say that,” you said, your voice calm, even as your hands quivered. “That’s not a good joke.”

“I-It’s not a joke.” Hoseok raised a hand to wipe away the tears forming in your eyes- or, at least he wanted to. Instead the bite of the metal around his arms kept him grounded. “Between the two of us, you’re much more needed. You should escape while you have the chance.”

You dryly laughed, the tears forming faster now. 

“What if I don’t want to?” 

“Think about the quest, Y/N. Give up on me.”

“And I told you,” you seethed. “I won’t. So stop asking. Actually, shouldn’t we talk about what he said? Why didn’t you defend yourself?” You snapped, before deflating. “Is… is what he said before the reason why you wouldn’t let anyone get close to you in any way?”

The two of you lay there for a moment then- you, awaiting his response, even as you stubbornly continued your task to free him and Hoseok stubbornly avoided your gaze. It was only when you took his hands in your own, inspecting the chains around his wrists that you realized he was shaking.

"... I'm just scared," he finally whispered. "I didn’t want you to get close to me. I didn’t want to get your hopes up for nothing. Because it’s instinct for us to shift, I feel like if I show even a fucking hint of this curse, I'll be proving everyone right... that I'm a monster just like him. I could hurt you easily even when I don’t want to. I just..."

Tears formed in his eyes and for once, you could see the resignation in his eyes. You stopped. "If there’s anything I know, it’s that I’m not someone people want to be near. Even if I seem nice, that doesn’t change the fact that I could easily kill at the same time… when we met, you seemed so nice and I wanted to be friends with you, but… I became scared that eventually you’d realize what they know. That afterwards, you’d be afraid of me too."

"But that's it. I'm not afraid,” you frustratedly told him, as the tears fell from your eyes, feeling a plethora of emotions inside you at his words. "Why would I be?"

“You heard it from him. I’m a mons-”

“Stop letting other people's words define you!”

For a moment it felt hard to breathe- rage and sorrow mixing in you as your emotions pushed you over the edge.

“You won't give yourself a chance because you just accept what other people say about you, like they know who you are, but you know what? Even if we’ve only been together for three weeks, even if I only got to actually spend time with you for only three days, the Hoseok I’ve seen so far isn't anything like that!”

“You hate yourself because you believe that you deserve only the worst, but please. I believe in you. I believe in the Hoseok that's kind and gentle, the one that smiles just from being able to make someone happy, the one that cries so easily because they read something sad, wearing his heart on his fucking sleeve, never even being able to lie because he knows how lies can hurt. The one that's honorable, and will fight for what's right. Being a dragon doesn't mean you aren't any of these things, it just means you have powers that others don't have. Being his son doesn’t mean you’re a carbon copy of him either. What you do with those powers- that's what makes you who you are.”

For a moment, after your rant, you breathed in slowly, carefully, all of a sudden feeling as though there was not quite enough air in the room. Still, you continued- and as your hands clutched your clothes, you felt something in your pockets. When you brought the item out-

You grinned wildly, for the first time since you woke up.

The Key of Eden fit snugly in your hand. Looking down, complicated as it was you could see the little keyholes that connected each chain, each one soon becoming undone as you pressed the key inside. With each chain that fell apart, you began to breathe easier. It was only when the last three remained that you began to speak again, determination hardening your voice.

“Even if the whole world says you're evil, Hoseok, how can you expect me to believe them when the whole time we've been together you've only been so far away from it?”

Clang

“Thinking it’s no good even before you try, giving up and just accepting their words and treating it as if it’s the truth…!”

Clang

As the second to last chain was unlocked, you looked him in the eye- ignoring how he stiffened under your hold.

“For once I want you to see yourself as someone that deserves to be heard, instead of something irredeemable.”

You reached down to free the last chain-

“I see you didn’t take my advice.”

-and found yourself gasping as your arms were harshly locked together, your body turned around. Abbadon- his face containing pity for you, never before had you wanted to strangle someone so badly- used one hand to keep you from doing anything. 

You stilled when you saw the knife in his hand.

“While I wanted to give you a chance… It’s a pity,” he idly remarked. “I’ll make sure you have a nice view.”

You instinctively kicked behind you at his words- the sharp clang of the knife as it fell to the ground mixed with Abbadon’s pained yell, one that felt like music to your ears- a split second was all it took before you lunged for the knife and leapt away from him in turn.

When he got up, snarling, you were already on the other side of the room.

“Come now,” he said even as his teeth were gritted into the semblance of a smile. “Give me the knife.”

“I won’t let you hurt him,” your voice was firm- even if your throat rasped.

“But then who’ll stop me from hurting you?”

Your breath caught in your throat- you dived to the side, his hands almost catching the edges of your dress before you scrambled away, feeling behind you for anything- Hoseok’s alarmed yell as he tried to help you but found himself restrained.

And then you felt it. The click of a door. Your eyes widened in surprise- then you grinned triumphantly at him.

“I guess I found my answer,” you taunted him. To your surprise, he only laughed.

“Sure, missy! Take a look behind you, it’ll surely help you escape- from life, that is,” he mocked.

You took another step behind you as you looked back- then felt your knees get weak.

All this time, you hadn’t considered just where the two of you might be. After all, you were much more concerned with freeing yourselves. But now, as you looked over what had to be more than a hundred meters of drop, you wished you did, if only to contemplate how you would be escaping.

You were in Blackburn, the tower’s entrance behind you, lying several hundred feet above the ground- you could see miles and miles of the surrounding forest and mountains.

“I thought it would be fitting, to kill it in its own house. That said, you have two options,” Abbadon said, his voice calm again. “Either take a step into Death’s clutches, or embrace Life. What will it be?”

“My companions are looking for us. They’ll be here any moment. Even if you kill us, you’ll still be caught in the end.” Your mind raced with excuses, words, anything that you could use to threaten him- yet he only laughed.

“But you both will still be dead. It,” he jabbed a finger at Hoseok, who glared at him, “will be dead, and that’s all that matters to me. Besides, are you even sure they’ll be coming? This isn’t the easiest place to find, you know.”

“If I fall, Hoseok will save me. Or have you forgotten dragons can fly?”

“Will it? I don’t think it’s ever even shifted,” he scoffed. “Which is a good thing, really. I would’ve shot it straight if it did. But no, if not just the chains sapping away its magic, then the lack of unease he has with the chains should tell you he’s never even tried shifting. How else could it tolerate the chains? If it tried now- I'd give it 4 seconds before it shifts back.”

Abbadon slowly smiled again. “So, how will you be taking your chances now?”

It was obvious that Abbadon took Hoseok as nothing but an ant, not a threat, just something so worn down that he wouldn’t fight back, even if he was freed. With how much he seemed as if he’d given up earlier, the weak, sluggish movements, and the hatred he had for being who he was- you weren’t surprised, but still, you hated it all the same.

Your heart beat in your chest then- fast, hurried. Inside you, you could only feel fear, the situation being as it was-

-but then you met Hoseok’s eyes. 

For once, they weren’t swimming in self-martyrdom or pity- but rather, in determination. You could see the support in his eyes, the decision he’d made. Trust me, he seemed to tell you.

Whatever fear you had then- it dissolved. 

“Neither,” you spoke up, your gaze firm as you looked Hoseok in the eyes and smiled. Abbadon frowned, his eyebrows furrowed. “I’m not taking chances, because I know he’ll save me.” 

Saying so, you took a step off the edge- and let yourself fall.

Thud

Thud

Thud-

"-Hoseok!" You screamed as you descended. 

When you opened your eyes, instantly a burst of colors surrounded you, the grey walls of the tower being replaced by the vibrant scenery- the sky in itself being a mix of blue and white, with the vivid greenery of what had to be the forest-

The wind rushed around you, harsh, fierce, and you felt the urge to shut your eyes out of fear, but you kept them open, even if your sight blurred with tears. For a second, nothing- then-

You could faintly see the top of the tower collapse, dust and debris flying everywhere, and then a large mass of something diving after you. 

A wheeze escaped you as leathery wings wrapped themselves around you. Heat, warmth that felt addicting to feel after the chill of the dungeons enveloped you, and for a few moments all other senses dulled. Though this time, it wasn’t from any outside force, but rather from the weeping sense of relief of finally being safe, the adrenaline keeping you hyper aware even now that the danger was gone, the added drop in altitude making your heart beat fast, too fast for your liking-

And then a flash of light- and you were wrapped securely in his arms. In Hoseok's arms. You held  on to him tightly- and, even with your heartbeat pounding away at your ears you could finally feel the wind around you two settle down, and the gentle flap of what had to be his wings.

You shivered- Hoseok pulled you closer. Close and closer and you were close enough to smell the faint scent of smoke lingering on his clothes, and then- 

Your feet touched stable ground. Your legs still trembling from the recent, you almost stumbled forward when you let go of him, but Hoseok only held you in turn- firm, gentle, and so you remained safe.

For a few seconds, you could only greedily take in gulps of air, your form still shivering, disregarding everything else. Then- you disentangled yourself from Hoseok, even as your hold on each other’s hands remained.

"You… you saved me," was all you could say.  "I knew you would. Thank you for saving me."

Hoseok looked at you, an unreadable expression on his face."Y/N, I-"

"Y/N! Hoseok!”

You looked past Hoseok’s shoulder- the sound of footsteps becoming louder and louder, as you finally saw six familiar figures. The first to come near was, surprisingly enough, Seokjin- who smoothly pulled to a stop in front of you, shielding both you and Hoseok from Abbadon, who you just discovered was standing a distance aways from you two.

The next to arrive had been Namjoon- who looked at you with a worried look on his face, eyes darting from you to Abbadon. His eyes, when they met yours, widened and he looked away, face filled with something- and then Jungkook, who was obviously furious and also worried- Yoongi, who, while seemingly calm had a tight, neutral expression- and Jimin and Taehyung, lingering somewhere beyond your current view.

“Iron Butcher.” You’d never heard Seokjin’s voice so cold before, not even when directed at you- you trembled, for a moment, just hearing it- Hoseok’s hands squeezed yours in support. “Harming innocent people is against the law, as I’m sure you’d know.”

“Hah,” Abbadon scoffed. “That isn’t a person, that’s only a vicious beast. I’m merely upholding my job as a protector.”

“It has been years since the war,” Yoongi’s voice was without any emotion. “Hunting dragons and dragging in innocent civilians is a crime worthy of many years of jail, not to mention you went for the Prince and the Savior.”

“Your best option would be to surrender.”

“And if I don’t want to?” Abbadon giggled.

“We’ll fuck you up,” Jungkook snarled. “For daring to lay even a hand on them. On her.”

Your heart warmed at his words, even as you wanted to protest. For a moment, there was silence- and then-

“... Ahhh, fine. I know when I’m out of my league.” Abbadon’s voice was light, airy- he spoke as if you were only discussing a friendly match. You shivered at the familiar tone- now aware of the hidden darkness he could easily switch into. You burrowed your head in Hoseok’s chest- your grip on him tight, and while a part of you was afraid of his rejection- he only pulled you in closer, until all sounds were muffled.

You counted the sound of his heartbeats, trying to will your breathing to adapt to its rhythm. One, two, three, four…

You could hear someone’s words as they tried to soothe you, though you trembled not just from fear, but also exhaustion.

“... It’s okay now, Y/N...”

Yet again, you fell unconscious before you could hear the rest of his words.

[justimajin]

It’s a Reverse Basket ◍ Part 7

⇝ Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

⇝ Genre: Fluff, Comedy, Angst

↳ Basketball AU, Crossdressing AU

⇝ Words: 4.5k

⇝ Summary: Basketball is your everything; your passion for it running deep and wanting nothing more then to play the sport. Problem is, the sport isn't offered competitively to girls and with that, all your hopes immediately fizzle away... ...but who ever said that was going to stop you?

⇝ Warnings: pg13 (please check out the disclaimer on the first part); this part will specifically revolve around Y/N trying to hide her secret of being a girl (pls do not read if you are uncomfortable) 

gif credit.

⇝ Previous Parts: Moodboard Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 

⇝ Next Update: Tuesday, April 28

The chair squeaks when he leans back, resting his legs against the couch and folding his arms behind his head. There’s a deep frown settled on his lips, thoughts running astray as he stares into empty space.

“You know, sometimes I feel like Y/N’s hiding something....” 

Jungkook side-eyes him strangely, letting out a grunt as he roughly tightens his shoelace.

“Like what? The fact that he probably finds you annoying?” 

There’s a scowl on Taehyung’s lips, offense written all over him.

“I’m being serious here.” He huffs, twisting to face him as his mind churns, “The other day he came up to me and told me three times that he was going to shower and not to barge in! Three times!” 

Taehyung holds up three fingers as if they emphasized the situation more, but Jungkook’s lips tug up into mere annoyance.

“So? Last time I showered you barged in after five minutes claiming you needed to pee.” He scoffs, hands landing firmly against his hips, “You know knocking is a thing, right?”

“That’s not the point!” Taehyung nearly shouts, hands outstretched as he tries to reason with his roommate, “The point is, I think he’s hiding something.” He snaps his fingers, like he’s just had another epiphany again, “There was even this one time when I grabbed onto his hand and it felt so... soft, for a basketball player.”

He remembers it vividly, his puzzled eyes suddenly becoming confused when you snatched your hand away from his naive inquiry, changing the topic immediately. 

Jungkook narrows his eyes, “Skin care routines are a thing. Maybe you should try it out sometime.”

A loud groan leaves Taehyung, slapping a hand against his head as he shrivels up in his seat.

“I swear I’m surrounded by morons!”

“In case you haven’t noticed, you’re not so bright yourself.” Jungkook clicks his tongue, throwing his jersey on and hoisting a bag across his shoulder, “I’m off to training, see ya.”

The door closes and Taehyung is left alone in the empty room. His hand rests against his cheek, the frown on his lips becoming deeper and deeper when there’s been too many instances about you brewing in his mind.

Maybe he’s being irrational at this point, daydreaming to the point of overthinking. It could be the fact that you’re definitely unique, different from other guys he’s met. 

Yet there’s a certain hunch he has that he can’t quite put his finger on, almost as if you were hiding a secret. 

But with what it is; he doesn’t have the answer. In order to find it, he’s going to be needing to do some investigating.

A small smile quips on his lips, a bulb flashing in his mind when all that’s left in the room is his now empty seat.

***

The large gymnasium comes into view, void of anyone except the duo in front of the basket.

“Keep your feet apart, switch your hand after one minute.” Yoongi mutters, sitting on the benches with crossed legs and a hand resting against his face. You nod, quickly following his instructions and successfully changing hands.

Yoongi hums, still watching you as he leans back. “Now try increasing your speed.”

The ball sways when you accelerate, gritting your teeth to maintain balance and luckily keeping a strong grasp on it before it slips away. Getting up from his spot, Yoongi strolls over and raises his empty hands.

You look up, bouncing the ball over to him and he smoothly catches it.

“You’re too light on your feet.” He begins to dribble the ball, “You need to know when to apply enough force.”

You watch him glide across the court as if he was ice skating, noticing that he didn’t have the characteristic light feet he was pointing out, but instead was balancing the speed he was using out with the force being applied to his heels. Absentmindedly, you follow along with his steps from a distance and realize you’ve been mistaking the need to be faster with being easier to lose your footing.

He jogs back, basketball still in hand as he gestures over to you observing him.

“Get it?”

You nod and he sits back down. “Good, keep practicing.”

As you mimic the previous demonstration he gave you, Taehyung dashes into the court. He darts his eyes around, halting when they land on you and Yoongi right away.

His feet shuffle as he draws closer, noticing that you were dribbling a basketball and Yoongi was staring at you from his spot on the bench. The whole situation appears to be considerably normal to him and it isn’t so much the aspect that causes him to frown.

It’s more so how Yoongi softly smiles when you peer at him for an answer to your attempts, giving you a slight nod of his head that causes you to grow more confident.

The nature of the captain by default is to always ensure his team is working to their best capacity – Taehyung admits, but he’s only ever known his captain to be attentive and by the minimum, somewhat stray away from that nature once he’s been around someone for a long amount of time.  

Which is why seeing him so casually get up from the bench and trudge over to guide you with a warm look in his eyes, is downright weird for Taehyung.

He blinks as if trying to get rid of the image before a smile stretches across his features, “Hey Y/N!”

Pausing your dribbling, you whirl around to see him approaching you, “Oh, hi Taehyung!”

“You’re practicing? Can I join in?” Although it’s a question directed towards you, Taehyung’s eyes are drawn to the ominous presence behind you instead.

After a moment, Yoongi nods,  “We were working on dribbling but you two can start on passing.”

He  leaves when you face Taehyung, letting the ball thump against the ground before sending it over to him. He snatches it right away, eyes still dazed that causes you to pursue your lips, but then he passes the ball back. 

“So you’re practicing with Yoongi now?”

There’s a light smile on your lips, “I’ve been trying to improve since our last game since I’ve never played competitively before. The captain is a great teacher.”

Taehyung notices the fondness you hold in your gaze, delight overcoming your features. A frown lines his lips at the gesture, wondering since when you had become so enamoured by the captain.

“I see…” He mumbles, “You know Y/N….if there’s anything that’s on your mind, you can tell me.”

You tilt your head, “Hm?”

“Like anything, an argument that happened, a problem you’re facing….” The suspicion in his eyes is obvious, but it's underlined with the playful tone he uses, “something you’re hiding…”

It’s only for the briefest of moments, but Taehyung can easily capture the slight crack that occurs; a glimmer of fear sparking from your eyes.

“O-Oh…uh, well there’s nothing for me to say right now, but thanks for the thought Taehyung.”

Your smile is strained, resuming back to dribbling the basketball as you avoid his gaze completely. Yoongi comes strolling back to the benches, carrying a couple of water bottles in his hands. His eyes waver over to you and Taehyung for a second, making him wonder if there were tricks being played on his mind or was there truly something dwelling in the air.

He notices your eyes glimmer with his return, whirling around the basketball to hand back to Taehyung.

“I’ll be right back!” You hurriedly mutter, heading over to where Yoongi stands, “Captain?”

Yoongi glances up from the bench, handing you a water bottle that you gratefully accept, “Um, I didn’t get the chance to thank you…” You timidly smile, a hue of pink on your complexion, “With our last game…when you changed the strategy…” 

He hums, cracking open a bottle and taking a sip, “You don’t have to thank me. Part of a coach’s job is to direct their team to cover up any weak spots.” He lets out a chuckle, a small smile on his lips, “Namjoon though, he sometimes has a hard time with it, so I try to make sure things run smoothly with whatever I can see.”  

You nod and Yoongi narrows his eyes, “Are you okay now?”

“I am!” You promptly reassure, hands instantly raised up and on guard. A nervous laugh leaves you, shoulders hiked up, “I was just having some i-issues before….”

Yoongi hums, taking another sip of his water. He doesn’t say anything after that, only gestures for you to drink some water from the bottle he’s given you.

In the meantime, Taehyung watches the entire interaction play out in front of his eyes. He keeps wondering how you had managed to get so friendly with the captain, when it was obvious since day one that he scared the living daylights out of you (and truthfully, sometimes Taehyung himself as well). His eyes linger, his vision darting over to how much smaller you seemed next to the captain….actually all the other member’s too now that he thinks about it….

An arm hooks on top of his shoulder, “Sooo… why are we staring at Yoongi and Y/N?”

Taehyung tilts his head to see Jimin standing with a finger pressed against his pouting lips. Hoseok approaches from behind them, a bag slung across his torso.

“Yah! I want to go home already.” Hoseok whines and Taehyung snickers, “Hey, I just did a sweaty cardio session and I seriously want a shower.”

He swipes a hand across his forehead, only to see a trail of water come off of him, “Ugh, scratch that – I need a shower and my skin care routine.”

Jimin giggles but the words manage to tug Taehyung out of it, his eyes drifting back to you. 

“Do you guys think it’s strange how different the Captain is around Y/N?”

“Different?” Jimin questions, squinting his eyes, “Uhh…maybe?”

“I think the only difference is that Yoongi’s smiling. The man has a sense of humour, you know, it just comes out with certain types of jokes and–“ Hoseok continues to ramble on as Taehyung sighs, grabbing Jimin’s attention.

“Why? Something about Yoongi bothering you?” 

Taehyung ticks, “Not so much him…more Y/N.” He frowns, “Tell me if I’m reading too much into this, but sometimes I feel like there’s something different about Y/N.”

“Different?” Taehyung nods, “Maybe it’s because your roommates?”

“That’s a good point. You’ve been living with Jungkook for years that anyone could tell the difference between Y/N and that muscle pig.” Hoseok chimes, but Taehyung shakes his head.

“No it’s not because of that…” Taehyung bites down on his lip, “I actually think….that Y/N’s hiding something…”

“Woah, like a secret?” Hoseok’s eyes are wide when Taehyung nods, causing the latter to chuckle. “Maybe he has a secret identity and is actually a spy in real life.”

Taehyung pouts, “How did you even come up with a scenario like that?”

“It’s plausible!” Hoseok protests, “The whole basketball passion could be like a cover-up for an undercover mission.”

He suddenly gasps, “Maybe his target is Yoongi!”

Taehyung solemnly shakes his head, not even bothering to retort when Jimin looks at him concerned, “If it’s really bothering you, why don’t you just ask him?”

“Ask him?” Taehyung raises his eyebrows and Jimin nods, “I don’t know…”

“Don’t ask! Spies can’t tell anyone about their identities!” Hoseok whispers, causing Taehyung to glance at Jimin with a ‘is he actually being serious right now’ look and Jimin shrugs.

“He’s been reading a lot of books lately.” Jimin offers but Taehyung simply rolls his eyes in response.

***

Despite having made the decision to simply let it go, Taehyung knows he’s incapable of doing exactly that. It doesn’t help that Jimin wouldn’t let him leave without talking it through first, a conversation that honestly spurred a thought both of them couldn’t agree on.

“You know what?” Hoseok adds in, halting them in their thoughts. He cheerily chuckles, snickering when both of them eye him in curiosity. “You know what would be really funny? If the secret is that Y/N is a girl or something.”

He breaks down into a string of laughter, holding onto his stomach when he catches sight of his and Jimin’s bewildered expressions, “I know, I know, it’s impossible but it would actually be hilarious!”

There’s a smile on Jimin’s lips from where he’s seated next to Taehyung, “I don’t think that’s the case.”

However, through the entirety of Hoseok’s bursting chaotic laughter and Jimin’s inclination of disagreeing right away, Taehyung is silent.

He sighs, shaking his head as to get rid of the thoughts completely as he jabs his keys into the dorm room. The door opens and Taehyung steps in, leaning down to take off his shoes.

“Is it okay if I go first?”

Taehyung glances up and catches a glimpse of you looking at Jungkook, a towel in your hands.

“I need to get to class soon, but by all means.” He replies, a small smirk on his lips, “At least you don’t have to wait for Taehyung this time.”

You laugh, padding over to the bathroom with a giant smile on your lips. When you reach the door though, your eyes immediately dart around, as if peering around to see if there was anyone nearby.

Taehyung furrows his brows, Hoseok’s small joke ringing so daunting heavily through his ears in that one single second. Yet, he swats it away as easily, dismissing it when the absurd concept wouldn’t even make sense in the first place. 

“You’ve been showering at the gym this whole time?” He questions, slightly startling you with his abrupt entrance.

“Uh yeah…” You nervously laugh, “The bathroom was always occupied so I just...”

“Let’s go.” He states and your eyes widen.

“H-Huh?”

“You always go alone, so let’s go together this time.” Taehyung says again, causing you to almost sputter at the notion.

To be honest, it dawned to him of how unfair it must have been. The change rooms are usually public and crowded with not the nicest people, making him feel incredibly bad that you’ve been going there all by yourself this whole time and that he’s actually the reason why.

“That’s not a bad idea.” You whirl to see Jungkook drawing up behind Taehyung, who stares at his watch, “If you guys go now, then I can shower and run over to class.”

Your eyes dart between them, realizing how unfazed Jungkook appears to be and how Taehyung beams that the latter agrees with him.

When Taehyung grabs onto your hand and waves Jungkook goodbye, your heart sinks to the pit of your stomach.

***

A basketball dribbles against the ground, Jimin hoisting himself as the ball escapes from his hands and is aimed for the hoop. It sinks in, bouncing onto the ground and Jimin follows to retrieve it again.

“I don’t think any of that makes sense Hoseok,” He leans down, hands gripping onto the basketball as he sighs, “Why would Y/N come to this school for a secret mission?”

“So he can get to Yoongi of course!” When Jimin quirks an eyebrow at him like he’s insane, Hoseok exasperatedly groans at his reluctance. From afar, the tired captain overhears the two conversing and he draws closer intrigued, a basketball bouncing in his hands.

“What’s going on here?” He wonders, causing Hoseok to shriek and cover his mouth. Yoongi arches a brow, but Jimin raises his hands.

“We were just talking about Y/N.”

Yoongi narrows his eyes, “Y/N? Why?”

“Well…” Jimin darts his eyes over at Hoseok, deciding it would be the best to skip out on the latter’s absurd theory entirely, “Taehyung was saying something about how he thinks there’s something different about Y/N.”

Jimin doesn’t notice how Yoongi’s eyes flicker at the mention, continuing to explain to him, “He almost thinks that Y/N’s hiding a secret.”

At that, Yoongi nearly chokes, “Right?! I don’t think he’s hiding anything at all!”

He clears his throat, bringing his hand away from his mouth slowly. But then he sharply turns, eyes tracing all over Jimin, “Where is Taehyung?”

“He left after I joked about Y/N being a girl.” Hoseok mentions, coming closer to the two as he eyes Jimin, “But I still think my spy theory is pretty plausible.”

Jimin lets out a lengthy sigh, facing Yoongi, “He went back to his dorm.”

His breath hitches, the basketball in his hands abruptly meeting the ground as he hurriedly shuffles over to the benches. Grabbing his bag and hosting it over his shoulder, he glances back at the befuddled duo and quickly mutters the words.

“I-I need to go.”

A cool breeze passes by when the door shuts, neither of them having the chance to question anything and simply being left to exchange confused looks amongst themselves.

***

A tick leaves Yoongi when he trudges around the empty hallway, eyes staring at the many room numbers. There's a layer of glistening sweat sticking to his forehead and neck, breaths coming out heavy as he had nearly half ran-half sprinted across the school. However to his dismay, his memory betrays him when he can’t seem to recall the room number Taehyung had once loosely tossed into the air.  

He whirls around when the sound of a door creaking meets his ears, eyes coming into contact with one of his team players.

“Captain?” Jungkook questions, standing at the door frame with freshly soaked locks and adorned in a giant grey hoodie. Yoongi pays no mind to his current state, a frantic question resting on the tip of his tongue. 

“Where’s Y/N?”

“Y/N?” Jungkook ponders, lips pursuing, “He just went to the gym showers with Taehyung.”

“The showers?” Yoongi spits out the words as if they were targeted towards him. Jungkook frowns, wondering why there was so much immense panic radiating off the marron haired man’s form.  “When did they leave?”

“About five minutes ago….” Jungkook mumbles, still puzzled with the display as Yoongi nods, harshly gritting his teeth. Before he knows it, the man dashes away at a speed Jungkook only ever seen him pull during intense games, gone within the blink of an eye.

***

The change room is how it usually is – filled with flocking individuals that are either occupied with conversing with one another, replacing worn out clothes with new ones or scrubbing away the layer of grime that’s collected over the span of a couple of hours. With time, you’ve gotten accustomed to the setting and proudly can state that you’ve walked through the entirety of the place with your eyes no longer closed. However, this pride vanishes and is exchanged for a packet of jittery nerves, especially when there’s a familiar boxy grin that’s so graciously decided to accompany you.

Taehyung for the matter, appears to be completely unfazed. He has a huge smile on his lips as he grabs hold onto your hand, not wanting you to experience the harsh atmosphere alone. Leading the way, he feels like he’s doing you a huge favour and it's something you can only tiptoe around when the curtains come into view.

When Taehyung leans up to pull back the curtains, you feel as if you’re counting your last moments. Your mind is as blank as it can be, wondering what possible excuse is going to save you this time.

That’s exactly when he stomps in.

Wheezing for a moment, his hands are placed on his knees as a heavy layer of sweat plasters onto his forehead. You and Taehyung watch perplexed as he straightens up, eyes immediately darting between the two of you before his eyes lock onto yours.

He reaches his hand out, gaze stern, “Shampoo.”

“H-Huh?” It takes you a moment until you flicker out of the daze, “O-Oh….”

Rummaging through your bag, the green bottle is taken and placed into his outstretched palms. He grabs onto it right away, eyes wandering over to the pulled curtains.

“Are you two here to shower…?” He trails off, getting a confirmation when Taehyung nods.

Yoongi smirks, “How ironic, so am I.”

There’s a huge grin when he steps behind a certain curtain, coincidentally right beside the one you were going to take. After a moment, you hear the sound of water pitter pattering against the ground and you turn to Taehyung.

A harsh breath is taken by you, “Well...I guess we should get going now….”

He hums, stepping into one at the same time you do. Once the curtain is pulled close, you attempt to calm yourself down but fail miserably when you have no idea how to get out of this rut now that the captain has managed to join you as well.

As you ponder over potential options, you don’t notice the slight shift of your curtain until it’s too late and you come face to face with the new problem itself.

“C-Captain?” You harshly whisper, backing away until your back hits the wall. You notice the water dripping down from his red stained hair, his clothes thoroughly soaked.

Your mouth drops open, “I thought you were …t-the water…” You can’t seem to form coherent words when Yoongi pushes back his wet bangs, directing a serious gaze at you.

“Do you have a plan?”

“A-A plan?” You can only hug your bag tighter to your form when you dip into more confusion. 

He hums, “Taehyung’s really affectionate and tends to barge in without asking first, do you have a plan so he doesn’t find out?”

“Find out? W-What are you talking about…?”

Yoongi sighs, pressing a hand against his forehead roughly before staring directly at you. You almost shrink from his gaze, back glued right up against the wall behind you when leans forward.

His voice drops into a whisper, “I know about your secret.”

Normally you would have asked what he meant by that, but when he leans back and gazes at you, the dots suddenly begin to connect.

 “Y-You…k-know…”Your brows contort, hands moving to gesture to yourself as the words become firmer, “Y-You know that I’m a girl?” 

His eyes widen for a moment, but he slowly nods in response. 

Your hands move up to cover your mouth, “I-I….”

He grabs a hold of your hand as a way to tug you out of your horrific thoughts, only one problem blooming in his mind. “We don’t know if Taehyung knows, so let’s keep it that way.”

Although still appalled, you slowly nod and he pushes the curtain away. Before you can question him, he explains himself.

“Stay here. I’ll be standing outside so he doesn’t decide to get cozy.”

The curtains are pulled back as a drenched Yoongi crosses his arms, facing his back to you as he surveys the area – particularly the spot where Taehyung is. You’re still mind boggled by what just happened, heart racing by the second.

A million questions begin to spur from you, the most prominent one being how long he’s known about this. You almost want to ask him on the spot, but then you realize he’s waiting on the other side wearing wet clothes, a scenario you know far too well doesn’t end up with a good result.

So you hurriedly change, acknowledging that Taehyung will be done soon and the last thing you need, just as Yoongi had said, is for him to walk in or question why you’re taking so long. It’s also a little less daunting now that you know Yoongi’s outside, the tendency to repeatedly check around yourself not overtaking your mind anymore.

It’s strange, but somehow in that one moment…...you don’t mind that he knows.

***

Explaining why Yoongi’s absolutely doused in water is tough to elaborate to Taehyung, but when Yoongi simply shrugs it off, the latter doesn’t seem to question it either. You and Taehyung return back to your dorm and after handing Yoongi a towel and waving him goodbye, you watch him pad away as water soaks the carpet before giving one final look to you.

Everything seems to be back to normal and although you’re grateful, your mind still lingers on how the captain knew this whole time and it was a fact that seemingly slipped away from your grasp.

“Something wrong Y/N?” Jimin asks, noticing your daze-like expression. You tightly smile, shaking your head before noticing that Jimin’s head is popping out of your kitchen.

You take a step closer, seeing a couched Taehyung staring at the oven and Hoseok lingering next to him, “What are you guys doing here?”

“Oh, Taehyung wanted to try baking again so me and Hoseok are here to help.”

“And to make sure nothing burns down.” Hoseok pipes up, earning a glare from Taehyung. He straightens up, smiling at you.

“Did you need something from the kitchen Y/N?”

“Uh yeah, could someone pass me a juice box from the fridge?” Jimin nods, reaching over to open it as a cool breeze wafts over him. He hands the last one over to you, chuckling a little bit at the cute animal prints on it.

“It was on sale…” You pout, watching him shake his head with a smile.

When you walk away, Taehyung exchanges a quick look with Hoseok.

“He’s not a secret spy, okay?”

Hoseok scoffs and crosses his arms, “You have no imagination.”

“Did you ask him about it, Taehyung?” Jimin wonders. 

“I didn’t. Even if Y/N’s hiding something or not, it’s up to him if he wants to talk about it.” Taehyung says, not really up for making you uncomfortable when you had clearly been going to the changerooms all by yourself. 

They all collectively hum but then a loud yelp echoes nearby.

“Sorry!” Jungkook’s voice rings through and Hoseok peers into the living room, noticing that your juice box was now discarded onto the ground and your shirt was soaked with the sticky residue.

“It’s okay!” You hurriedly assure, though cringing when it seeps through your shirt further. With a sigh, you dash over to room to change out of it. 

Jungkook leans down, placing the bag of garbage he was carrying out onto the ground and grabbing a paper towel from the kitchen to wipe down the slippery mess before someone decides to walk over it only to end up injuring themselves. 

Hoseok glances at Jimin, “Wasn’t that the last one?”

Jimin nods and Jungkook stands up, appearing guilty, “Should I run down and buy him some more?”

Jimin’s eyes sparkle, “Let me ask!” He dashes over to the room, nearing the door he recalled he had first shown you when you moved in. His hand slips around the knob, only to discover that the door had been mistakenly left open.

“Hey Y/N–“ His excitement has no boundaries when he enters the room, eyes completely widening and feet stalling in place.

You instantly freeze; quickly grabbing onto the new shirt you had pulled out to cover yourself up – but you know the damage has been done when Jimin staggers, backing away from the door until he completely vanishes.

[aeide-thea]

i’m too tired to actually make this post in an articulate way but i sure am having an upsurge of impostor angst lately about, like, maybe all my gender feelings are bullshit, maybe i just gotta accept that i’m a woman after all despite all the ways that concept chafes [also at first i typed ‘a woman who hates their’ and then was like ‘…hm i sure do seem to have failed that pronoun check lmao’ but also couldn’t bear to fix it so decided maybe rewording was the way to go]

which like, is partially about how i went to the grocery store today with Baby Sister while sporting an extremely butch outfit (men’s jean jacket open over men’s sweatshirt, men’s straight-leg jeans, red wings, hair… well, as you saw) and we still got ‘ladies’-ed by someone, why the fuck can i not escape this, does anything about my presentation say ‘this is a person who wants to be called a lady’????

and is partially about how i’ve been feeling pretty intensely and largely exclusively [look, adverbs were 2-for-1 at the store] attracted to men lately, or, well, one man anyway, and of course that isn’t an exclusively ~female~ activity, of course i know and believe that, but… at the same time most of my fellow fangirls are just that, and the nature of the discourse has tended to feel very Women 4 Dudez, and at a certain point it’s just like, god, i’m misgendering myself by osmosis here, because my instinct is always to align align align myself with the people around me…

and is partially probably also that i’m stuck in birthname childrole confinement rn, although of course that’s been true for years, but it’s 24/7 inescapable now

and is partially about how binding really isn’t that comfy but is the only method of body-alteration in my repertoire, so if i’m not always choosing to do that, because i’ve got enough weird lil stabby pains without taking more of them on voluntarily, then what does that say about the ~seriousness of my commitment~ or what the fuck ever

and probably also about other stuff i’m forgetting

and i just—obviously these are all such hothouse shut-in concerns, obviously also even if i were “really” a woman i’d be allowed to dress unfemininely and ask my friends [largely an imaginary set of people lol but i do like to imagine i can count some of you guys as that, at least] to use particular language for me and whatnot so in a sense it almost doesn’t matter what i “really am,” i know

and like, thinking this way hurts me whereas thinking of myself as agender/nb/variably but not negligibly transmasc/gq/etc feels much more freeing/pleasurable/instinctively correct (except of course insofar as it requires so much pushing at people constantly to create any space at all in which to be those things), and probably leaning into gender euphoria is its own justification, really

but i really am having a hard time lately with feeling like, i feel as though i’m (gender)queer, and being those things is really important to me, but i don’t quite see how on paper i can justify that feeling, given the material reality of my body and dominant attraction pattern lately… sure looks like i’m just a mostly-straight-right-now technically-woman who wants to feel special!

which is of course a line of thinking the existing system is very invested in encouraging in me, that like, straight and cis are the default and anything that isn’t definitively not-those probably is those, really

but i sure feel like a great honking hideous faker, you know?

anyway apologies for this extremely long and extremely boring post, i can only say that inhabiting this set of feelings on an ongoing basis is even more tiresome than reading one (1) post about it, so like, i do sympathize, i promise i’m bored of me too

[mrsspidermanmaryjanewatsonparker]

Amazing Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows #13-15 Thoughts

Previous thoughts here.

Yes I know I couldn’t be later to this party but I started this series so I’m going to finish giving my thoughts on it.

I tried very hard to finish Houser’s run on RYV in time to read Spider-Girls but it just didn’t happen, I only made it up until just before the penultimate arc and I didn’t write up a proper post of my thoughts back then. So I re-read her first arc today with ambitions of re-reading the next 2 stories before finally experiencing the final arc and then Spider-Girls as part of reading over most of Spider-Geddon. What you will read below are a mixture of some initial thoughts I jotted down during my first read through and my thoughts upon revisiting the story, mostly the latter.

Oh SPOILERS I guess

So let me immediately get some obvious business about Renew Your Vows’ direction from here on in. The book, sans its covers, desperately misses Stegman. It also misses Conway but that is not a condemnation of Houser at all.

Houser in this arc does a good job with the situation presented by the new direction. Whether that new direction was her idea or editorials is unknown, though likely the latter.

And really that is the absolute worst thing about this story, the new direction itself.

It isn’t so much that it is bad unto itself but it is reductive that after 12 issues building a certain status quo, the one also built by the RYV Secret Wars mini-series and was promoted by Marvel prior and during the book’s initial release that we are abruptly changing course in a big way.

The book is still unique, at least the Spider-Books on the stands (even now). But it is less unique for various reasons.

Firstly we simply have way more teen heroes than pre-teen ones. Secondly a book that pays much attention to Spider-Man’s super powered teen daughter is going to either tread upon familiar ground that Spider-Girl stood on or else it will evoke Spider-Girl in the memories of the readers. Annie unto herself innately did this anyway, but that was offset when she was much younger than Mayday.

It also throws away the world building and set up Conway enacted in his initial arc, not to mention it just fast forwards a lot of Annie’s potential character development.

Does this render Annie uninteresting or the premise less likable? No because Houser has a strong handle on both the characters and more specifically what RYV as a book is.

Perhaps this is nowhere more apparent in how she structures her opening arc. Each issue shifts the POV to one of the Parker family, starting with Peter, then handing off to MJ and concluding with Annie, exactly like Conway’s first three issues did. This is a pretty clever way of conveying to readers Houser ‘gets’ the book and reassure readers who might not be thrilled about the time skip that these are the same characters just at different points in their lives, and not even that different, sans Annie.

This is rather realistic because Peter and MJ being the adults are comparatively less likely to change all that much even within 8 years whereas Annie inevitably will drastically change going from a pre-teen to an out-and-out teenager. Fittingly Houser compensates for this by showcasing Annie’s new state of being throughout the issues that are about Peter and MJ.

On the one hand this does somewhat undermine the idea that this book is about the family collectively as opposed being about Annie or placing Annie as the ‘first among equals’ in the team dynamic of the book.

On the other hand since the book is about the Parker family it adds up that so much of Peter and MJ’s characterization will stem from their relation to Annie; your child is after all the most important thing in your life.

So we get Annie’s somewhat more salty and disconnected relationship with a Peter who is very much starting to feel his age. Which is GOOD, the obnoxious proliferation of teen Spider-Man renders almost any older portrayal interesting by default. With MJ though, Annie seems to have a much more conciliatory relationship, its more that she exhausts her mother and seems more comfortable going to her about stuff. Also as a nice way of distinguishing her from Mayday, Annie seems to share her mother’s passion for fashion which Mayday actively didn’t.

Speaking of fashion lets talk about Annie’s new costume. I’ll level you all..it looks better than her prior costume, but also less unique but neither is...all that great. I guess when you have Mayday Parker and Spider-Gwen and all the Spider-Women running around, coming up with something thing that fits the general Spider-Man motif, looks unique and also is really dynamic can be difficult. I can see where the designer was going though. Peter, MJ and Annie share the same outlines for where the chest areas of their suits turn into another colour. Peter’s is red and blue, MJ’s red and white and Annie’s is blue to black. So the ‘shape’ of the suit lends to the ‘unified family’ idea. The colours also make her stand out but maybe too much. If her parents had red chests and then she has blue it’s kinda weird. If the idea was she was trying to strike out on her own sure but I don’t get that impression at all. It is kinda cool she has MJ’s mask design but I preferred her old mask which was a compromise between her parents’ masks.

As for the main plot, I think Houser could’ve milked it much more than she did, we could’ve done with much more of the slice of life stuff and the Lizard was underutilized. There is a strong element of family defining the Lizard’s character because of his wife and child. In a book about family I presumed that was where we were going when he showed up. But...no he was just used as a monster amidst monsters.

I’m not saying Houser got the Lizard wrong just that there was an obvious and more compelling angle to exploited in the story.

The two big reveals surrounding the plot, that there is a zoo full of near-human people, and that it’s being run by Mister Sinister was also...underwhelming.

Spider-Man has the best supporting cast and rogue’s gallery within Marvel comics. Not only does this mean we don’t really need to see non-Spider-Man characters (like the X-Men) pop up, it’s frankly less interesting when we do because they have little-no history with Spider-Man or his family.

It was also just kind of a reveal that didn’t land for me, I could not care at all.

Mister Sinister was a little different because, I like Sinister as a bad guy I really do...but not in Spider-Man. I get including and referencing the X-Men in this arc because for some reason they were practically supporting cast members in Conway’s run, so paying that off makes sense. But why double down upon it with a major X-villain? Like the Jackal, even Doc Ock, either of them would be more fitting villains in this type of story or where the series implies it will be leading onto later.

It didn’t help that when we met Sinister initially in disguise there was just very little gravitas to him because he obviously looked like a no-name 18th century circus reject.

The ending let this arc down is what I guess I’m getting at. Issue #13 and #14 had pretty nice hooks for the next issues.

What was a letdown throughout though was the action sequences. They were pretty pedestrian along with the art overall. Like it wasn’t BAD per se (except Peter’s eyebrows...wtf?), it just was a major step down from Stegman and even Stockman, the latter of whom I think the artwork was chosen to be more like. It had this softer undefined element to it, and not in a Romita Senior way.

Returning to the character though, I do commend Houser for having a good grip on everyone and efficiently finding a way to distinguish them from one another across the three issues.

Peter dealing with being older and now decidedly less cool and engaging to his teen daughter is delightful..even if at points it feels like the narrative is kind of undermining him, especially in the Wolverine scene at the start of the story...still Dad Joke Spider-Man is awesome. Even more awesome is how together he over all is. This isn’t an angst ridden Peter Parker or one who is introspectively questioning himself. Throughout the story he gives off this air of relaxed experience, like he knows what he’s doing and can tell the situation allows for a few jokes and a bit of fun. Refrshingly he doesn’t angst about not pursuing the bad guy at all.

Moving on, Houser probably dissing MJ’s place in the Iron books at the time with her reprimanding and smack down of Tony was awesome (although I don’t get why she was so miffed at him). Her playing Spider-Mom, and more poignantly dejectedly owning it, was hilarious. Her sense of exhaustion is relatable whether you’ve been a parent or just been around them. It very much taps into Conway’s characterization of MJ as a juggler

Houser’s Annie also shines. She is believably an older version of the kid Annie we once knew but also stands firmly as her own person. She’s somewhat embarrassed by her Dad and wants greater independence. She loves being a superhero, but is (also in contrast to Mayday) a more of a punch first think later kind of gal with a dash of overconfidence.

She is untrustworthy of the Lizard and more gung ho, whilst MJ and especially Peter (to my delight) are both more reigned in and trusting.

This is nicely explored in the family’s single page descent underground where Houser gives Peter a really great speech about what it means for Annie to accept the great responsibility of the mask, that it might mean trusting those who are not trustworthy for the sake of others. This serves to nicely develop Annie as its her Dad treating her as more of an adult for the first time. the fact that it’s her Dad, the iconic hero Spider-Man conveying this wisedom onto her is very fitting and helps further legitimize Annie as a Spider-Hero to the readers of RYV and legitimize the new teen version to those jumping aboard at this point.

Not to be outdone, MJ an issue earlier got a wonderful piece of dialogue about how in spite of how their lives might be messed up by being heroes she and her family will still endeavour to make plans and live normal lives. Which is both a wonderfully inspiring heroic statement but also so very true to who she and Peter are as people.

Some other small points:

I saw Carrion amidst Sinister’s menagerie

The underground nature of the story’s conclusion nicely evokes the first arc by Conway

Overall Houser sells/sold you on the new dynamic with this arc as much as I preferred the older one and wish they hadn’t changed.

B+

[lovelysincerity]

Durch Leiden Freude

[[Yes I know this is random but I got inspired at work and figured this was the best day to throw it at you. Have some emotions. They’re good for you, probably.

Here’s my hand at writing Reiji, hope you enjoy this dose of angst.]]

(Alternate version Ai’s All Star Love End if Reiji had found a certain trio after the Song Festival, plenty of spoilers)

After hearing that performance, Reiji already knew who the winner of this year’s Song Festival would be. And strangely enough, underneath the initial disappointment he felt… satisfaction.

Watching the much younger idol maturing over the past six months had been a delight. Just a half year ago Ai wouldn’t have smiled at him to save his life, and now, shortly before the concert began, Ai had smiled at him and told him good luck. Good luck. Just hearing that left Reiji momentarily flabbergasted; when he recovered, the grin he took onto stage was huge and came with what he was certain was one of his best performances ever.

And yet, when the next performance began and Ai opened his mouth to sing, Reiji felt certain that this would be the winning performance. He could only hear it over the monitors backstage, but that was enough to convince him.

“Ai-Ai… you’ve really grown,” murmured Reiji to himself. His eyes had closed to listen better, his fists tight at his sides. “Kouhai-chan was the best medicine after all, huh? … Haha, I didn’t think it’d be this satisfying to lose.”

But if it was Ai, the frustration and disappointment that his performance hadn’t been good enough could be pushed aside. Longing clenched Reiji’s heart in their place as he wondered if he could ever sing like that- but none of that now. Ai and Haruka had come so far and he was proud of them. Now would be the time to congratulate them.

… So where were they?

Reiji took a casual look around after Ai left the stage to compliment him on his performance. No luck on the other side of the backstage, nor in the dressing room. This didn’t bother him since Reiji figured he could wait for Ai to show up for the award ceremony at the end of the event.

Except Ai never came on stage, even when his name was called as the winner. As confused whispers swept over the audience, Reiji bit his lip. Something seemed off when Saotome announced that an important engagement had come up and Mikaze Ai had needed to leave right away. What kind of ‘important engagement’ could trump this event in Saotome’s mind?

Time to take another look around. Haruka, along with Ai’s mentees Syo and Natsuki, were still here. He could ask them what happened.

Of course Reiji was concerned about Ai. It had nothing to do anymore with Ai’s similarities to Aine- that couldn’t have been the reason for his unease at this sudden disappearance. This… disappearance.

And fear, unbidden, gripped Reiji’s heart. That wouldn’t happen again, would it? Ai wasn’t Aine, Ai wasn’t suffering, Ai was happy- that song just now had been proof enough. Why, then, were Reiji’s footsteps picking up in his search for those three kouhai, and why was it hard to keep his worry off his face?

A familiar voice caught his ear and turned Reiji’s feet towards a door he wouldn’t have thought to look in, an unused dressing room. When had he gotten this far down the hallway? He brushed that thought aside and, after fixing his smile on his face, gripped the knob and flung open the door.

“Kouhai-chaaaan~! And Nattsun and Syo-tan too!” he proclaimed, the sudden entry and exclamation greeted by gasps for surprise. “Ai-Ai’s performance today was just incredible! Congrats, you guys! Now Kouhai-chan’s debut is a guaranteed-”

He stopped. Or rather, his throat had clenched and refused to let him say any more. The three younger ones were huddled in a circle on the floor, Natsuki with his arms around the other two, and all three were hastily brushing away tears.

A cold stone dropped into Reiji’s stomach. Instead of celebrating, they were crying. Icy fear chilled Reiji’s legs and froze his feet to the ground; his outstretched hand fell to his side.

What had happened to Ai?

One, two shaky breaths in, out, in, out, as Reiji fought to make his blank mind and numb tongue work, to come up with something. Finally he opened his mouth-

“Thank you, Kotobuki-senpai! W- was there something you needed?”

Haruka spoke first, startling Reiji back into silence for a moment. No, that wasn’t it. It was the shaky yet kind smile she’d forced on when she greeted him, and it snapped him back to his senses.

‘Get your act together, Rei-chan! This isn’t the time to let your fears get a hold on you!’

He wrenched his feet from the ground and strode forward. In the next moment Reiji dropped to his knees in front of the trio and pulled all three into an awkward hug. Maybe it wasn’t about Ai, maybe it was something else. Comforting them took priority.

“… Don’t bother trying to hide those tears, kiddos,” Reiji told them softly. “I’m good at spotting teary faces, y’know! … So what’s the matter?”

Unbeknownst to them, he was holding his breath, afraid of the answer. Afraid of what he might learn- or not learn.

Syo was the first to answer. “We’re just- maybe we’re just so happy we’re crying!”

Nope, not flying. “Sorry, I’m not buying that,” Reiji told him, his hand gently knocking Syo on the back of the head. “I know the difference between happy tears and sad tears.”

“Hmph… sniff…”

“Go ahead and cry, it’s okay. You can talk later.”

“We’re… we’re okay,” Haruka tried with another smile that was more watery than the previous. She looked ready to break down again any second. “Don’t worry, we’ll… we’ll be fine…”

“Nanami,” whispered Syo, his teeth clenched. Natsuki hadn’t spoken, or maybe he couldn’t with his jaw trembling that badly.

Reiji’s heart went out to them. They weren’t just sad, they were grieving. And that was enough to send his worried thoughts into overdrive. What were they hiding?

“Hey,” he murmured, fighting to keep his voice from shaking. Time to try distracting them and calming them down. “What’s this sudden business Ai-Ai had to leave for? He missed the awards ceremony, that kid, and now he’s not even around to… comfort you…”

They’d flinched at his question. Ah… this was related to Ai after all… No, no, he needed to stay calm. He was a professional, he could easily hide things from them, he had to hide his fears.

Guilt swirled in the pit of his stomach with his concern. In truth Reiji knew he’d been cruel to ask that question, for he’d posed it as a test as much as to hopefully calm them. Their reaction gave him the answer he hadn’t wanted to hear yet had expected.

“- Where is Ai-Ai?”

This time, the worry leaked unbidden into Reiji’s voice. He cursed himself in his head. How could he be so immature as to act this way? Especially while they were grieving whatever had happened. ‘Keep your hands from shaking, Rei-chan, they’ll feel it…’

None of them would look at him, somehow avoiding eye contact from this close distance. “Is it something secret?” Reiji pressed, his anxiety winning out. They all knew what had happened, that was certain. “I’m just worried about you three and about Ai-Ai.”

“… Hngh…” Haruka turned her head away when a choked sob left her throat. Immediately Reiji felt guilt again.

“I’m sorry, Kouhai-chan. Forget I asked. You can go ahead and cry about whatever happened, it’s okay.”

“Rei-chan-senpai…” For the first time Natsuki spoke, softer and more forlorn than Reiji had heard him even in acting. “I’m sorry. This is… this is one thing we can’t talk about. Thank you for worrying, and we want to say, but… we can’t talk about this.”

Couldn’t talk about it? Reiji wanted to protest, to say that he just wanted to be sure they were okay or something (in contradiction to his own words before, he knew), except he couldn’t. Not when he had too much he couldn’t, no, wouldn’t tell them.

And so Reiji defaulted to the easiest, hardest, most typical response for him: he put on a smile and agreed. “Okay, I understand. I won’t ask anything else. It’s okay.”

“S- sorry,” Haruka sniffed, Reiji only chuckling in reply and patting her back.

“Aww, don’t be sorry! I should be sorry for bugging you with questions! Go on and let it all out, I won’t tell anyone. Tell you what, I’ll treat you kiddos to something good later!”

He wanted to add, “To celebrate Ai-Ai placing first,” but held off.

Held off on quite a lot, in fact.

==/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\==

At some point, it became common knowledge around Shining Agency that Mikaze Ai was studying overseas for a while. Everyone accepted this and moved on. He was famous but still young enough that no one thought twice about a teenager in the industry taking an opportunity to learn more.

The movie Ai had starred in would be released soon. Reiji thought he might see if he could view it on the opening day. Ai had done a fantastic job, especially towards the end. Acting alongside him in that movie had been a great experience and Reiji wanted to know how the finished product had turned out.

He hadn’t moved on. Try as he might, Reiji couldn’t disregard this. The end of the movie and filming that scene where the mermaid had disappeared into the water had been hard enough; then Ai himself went and vanished? It was like his nightmares all over again.

He got a call from one of the staff members asking if his schedule was free in a few days. Apparently the entire staff was gathering together to watch the finished product the day before it would be released in theaters. Since Reiji’s schedule had mysteriously opened up that day, he went for it.

Maybe this could give him some closure, although Reiji doubted it. It was worth a try and he already wanted to see the movie anyway.

The day came and found Reiji at the theater last minute. He slipped in moments before the theater darkened and the opening credits rolled. In the dim lighting from the projection he could just see Haruka a short distance away. Her gaze was fixed on the screen, her expression one of longing… and hope.

That sent a pang through Reiji’s chest. Hope? Did he even feel that anymore? That girl was so pure still, holding onto hope.

Hope for what, though? Was it the same thing he hoped for? … Did he hope for something?

That question had bothered Reiji these past few months. What did he hope for, if at all? That Ai was okay? That he really was just studying overseas? He just couldn’t bring himself to believe it, not when the teary faces of Haruka, Natsuki and Syo kept cropping up in his mind.

Reiji wrenched his thoughts back to the movie unfolding onscreen. He came here to watch this and he would do just that.

At the scene where the mermaid boy, Ai’s character, reunite with the human girl from his past, someone near Reiji whispered to another, “Man, that scene brings back memories,” to which both quietly chuckled.

Reiji, too, found himself smiling. It had been the first scene for Ai to stumble, the first time he hadn’t gotten a scene perfect the first take in fact. The memory of both young actors sprawled on the ground from colliding foreheads made Reiji want to chuckle and wince at the same time.

The movie continued, and so did the memories. He wasn’t seeing this as what Aine could have been, he was remembering all the effort Ai had put into the filming and Haruka’s dogged persistence at helping out. The flubs, the successes, the tears everyone had shared as the last scene finished filming. It had been an unforgettable experience…

As the final credits rolled at last, applause broke out across the theater. Congratulations and well dones sounded over the ending music. Reiji ignored this and leaned back in his seat, melancholy rolling over him again.

‘What could I have done differently?’

He asked himself that a lot as an actor when looking back on shows he’d been on or recordings of events he’d been in. Thinking back on those and studying what he’d done helped him improve. This time, though, that wasn’t what he was thinking about.

Was there something that could have prevented the tears from those three? Had he missed something from Ai? Was it really okay to move on and let himself believe that Ai really was fine?

These thoughts continued to swirl in Reiji’s head. And then-

The screen lit up again. Silence quickly fell over the theater again, this time of confusion. Everyone was looking at one another with the same silent question: “Was there supposed to be something after the movie?”

Reiji’s eyes locked on the screen. He became aware that his heart was racing. For what, he didn’t know, except he knew he couldn’t look away from whatever unfamiliar scene would unfold.

Blue, blue sky. Endlessly clear blue sea, crystal waves. A familiar sandy shoreline: the location they’d filmed the final scene at.

Then, a voice.

“I’m right here. Where are you?”

“… Ai-Ai…” The shaky whisper escaped Reiji before he knew he was speaking. When had this scene been filmed? If anything, the clear sky and the green trees in the distance made it look recent.

A rustle and sound of pattering feet yanked Reiji’s attention from the screen when it went black. He turned his head just in time to see Haruka racing down the side aisle towards the back of the theater and then out into the lobby. For a moment Reiji was struck with an urge to follow her, one he forced down.

‘… Hope, huh?’ That was exactly what Haruka’s hurried form had been declaring, the same feeling rising in his own chest.

Haruka was excited, and now Reiji was too.

==/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\==

Two days later, for the first time in months, Ai replied to Reiji’s text. Reiji had sent them almost daily, his usual rambling chatter about things that had happened during the day along with various queries about how Ai had been doing. As time went on he’d begun asking more and more if everything was really okay, even messing up once and letting slip that he was worried.

“Though he probably picked up on that already, sharp as he is,” had been Reiji’s dry laugh to himself at that time.

This time had been no different. All Reiji had gone on about was the same mostly pointless things as usual plus a cheery question of if they could hang out when Ai got back. He’d posed that question a couple times before, not that he’d expected any responses for a while now. Why, then, he had continued to send those regular texts was beyond him. Maybe that was some kind of hope? Or maybe he was just bad at giving up?

Regardless Reiji had sent that most recent text during a pause in his most recent job and had put down the phone a moment later to continue working. When he’d gotten back to the break room and spotted the notifications light flashing he’d assumed it would be something about work or perhaps a text from Otoya or a work friend.

When he read the name of the sender, for a moment Reiji’s heart seemed to stop. Four familiar katakana spelling out a nickname. A reply… from Ai.

Reiji fumbled to check it, almost dropping his phone in his haste. The message that opened up on screen was short, as per Ai’s usual, but it was enough to make Reiji smile.

<Okay. Tomorrow afternoon?>

Not only had Ai replied, he’d agreed. What should he reply now? No, wait, that was obvious. He’d make room tomorrow! >Tomorrow afternoon at 3pm! Your studio!< Ai would counter that if he didn’t like it, Reiji didn’t really care.

He didn’t have a chance to put away the phone before the next reply came, even shorter than before: <Okay.> Even to that, Ai had agreed.

“Haha… ahaha…!” A grin had spread over Reiji’s face, quiet laughter of relief and delight coming with it. Somehow, just those few words had lifted a weight from his back. His fingers shook as he typed out one more text. >All righty~! See you then! Been too long and I hear what you’ve been up to!<

… No, not quite the last. For a long moment Reiji’s thumbs hovered over the keyboard. Should he ask one more thing?

>And I want to know why Kouhai-chan and the others were crying after the Song Festival and where you went.<

This time the reply took much longer, though Reiji had the strangest sense that Ai was debating his reply as well. At last…

<Okay.>

==/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\==

What was he so anxious for this time? Ai had agreed to see him and explain things, so why did Reiji feel nervous about this? Was it because he hadn’t seen the other in several months? Because he felt silly for worrying all this time? Something else?

There he stood, one hand lifted, unable to knock on the door before him. This was Ai’s studio, it was 3 o’clock, he’d said he would be here for crying out loud! All Reiji had to do was knock- wait, there was a bell, should he ring that instead-?

The door opened while Reiji was still fretting over what to do. He jerked back a step, his thoughts flailing. “Um, uh, ummm-!”

“For crying out loud, Reiji, how long as you going to stand there?”

Ai had one hand on his hip and the other on the doorknob, his brow knitted in a very familiar frown of exasperation. As Reiji looked on, dumbstruck, Ai went on, “You’ve been standing there for several minutes. I was going to wait until you rang the bell but you just took so long I got fed up.”

“Ai-Ai…”

“Hm?” Ai met Reiji’s gaze with his head tilted. His expression softened into a small smile. “Well? Don’t just stand there, come in.”

“Uh- r- right!” ‘Snap to it!’ Reiji scolded himself. He barely kept from stumbling when he hurried past Ai into the open studio room that Ai lived in.

As Ai shut the door behind them, Reiji caught a glimpse of silver around his wrist. ‘That’s the bracelet Kouhai-chan got him for his birthday, isn’t it?’ Somehow, seeing that Ai was wearing it set Reiji’s mind at ease. ‘He’s still the same. That’s right. Ai-Ai is still the same.’

“So, you wanted to talk?” That question from Ai startled Reiji just a little. He chuckled weakly.

“C’mon, Ai-Ai, aren’t you going to at least offer me something to drink? Hospitality, hospitality!”

Instead of sighing the way Reiji expected him to, Ai considered it. “You’re right. It’s been a while and I rarely have to host anyone, so I didn’t think about it. I’ll go get-”

“No, no, don’t worry, I was just joking!” Reiji cut across hastily. “I didn’t know what else to start with, that’s all!” He trailed off, just staring at the younger boy.

“… What is it?” Ai’s brow furrowed again. “You’re acting kind of wei-”

“Ai-Ai~!”

“- Whoa?!”

Everything he’d considered saying before he got here had fled Reiji as relief had taken over. Without even thinking about it he’d flung his arms around Ai, not minding that Ai stumbled just a little.

Of course Ai protested. “H- hey, Reiji! What the heck-?! You almost knocked me over, geez…!” Yet he made no attempt to push Reiji off and just heaved a sigh. Again he muttered, “Geez,” followed by what Reiji was certain was a quiet laugh.

“… You didn’t forget, did you?” Reiji’s question was soft, a little muffled. “What I asked yesterday?”

Ai was silent; when he didn’t answer right away Reiji let go and took a step back to see his face. “You didn’t, did you?” he pressed. “You of all people wouldn’t forget.”

“No, I didn’t, you don’t have to get all worked up like that,” grumbled Ai. Again Reiji laughed, louder than before.

“Haha, of course not, you wouldn’t forget!”

“I wouldn’t… again…”

“Hm? What was that?” Reiji missed part of what Ai mumbled there. “Something- again?”

A sigh from Ai, who folded his arms. “It’s… hmmm. I’m not sure where to begin.”

Then Ai wasn’t going to pass it off with “it’s nothing?” That was a surprise. Unless it had something to do with what Reiji had asked him yesterday.

Silence fell for about long ten seconds. The one to break it was Ai, in an unexpected way. He heaved another sigh, looked right at Reiji, and said, “I wanted to see you. And thank you.”

Reiji was floored. He gaped, floundered for words, and at last came out with a breathy laugh. “Wha… ahaha! C’mon, you’re gonna make me blush~!”

“I’m serious, Reiji.” Ai was smiling again, not widely but a real smile. “Haruka told me you were worried about me and that you comforted her, Syo and Natsuki the day of the Song Festival. And all those texts from you- well, frankly, they took forever to look through when I was finally able to read them, and at first they were annoying… but after a while I realized you were just worried. I’m sorry about that, and thank you.”

Again, speechlessness silenced Reiji. He only managed a few stutters. “Y- you… so… sorry…?”

“Hey, is it that shocking? Even I can be sorry about things.” Both disappointment and irritation had Ai’s cheeks puffing out in unusual childishness. The sight and his words stirred some sense back into Reiji.

“Haha, yeah.” He took a deep breath. Now was his chance to say some of the things that had been weighing on his mind before things got awkward.

“Phew… Listen, Ai-Ai. You know that Kouhai-chan and the other two have been worrying about you the whole time you were gone, right?” A suddenly serious question, but Reiji needed to say it. If not now, maybe not ever.

Ai’s gaze dropped. “… Yeah. I’ve already talked to them and apologized.”

“Good, because they were pretty darn torn up when you… disappeared.” At those words Ai’s eyes snapped back to Reiji; although he said nothing, the unasked question was obvious: “What do you mean?”

Reiji went on with his gaze locked on Ai’s, “Maybe that’s not exactly what it was. All I know is that I couldn’t find you after you were up on stage that day, and immediately after I found your partner and two kouhai crying. No one saw anything of you from then on. It was like you just- just vanished.” He paused. “Frankly, worried as I’ve been, I want to sock you one too for that. So, Ai-Ai… could you tell me what’s been going on?”

No answer came immediately. Reiji waited, trying to slow his racing heart. He was anxious, he was excited, he was scared. This wasn’t like several years ago when he’d first met Ai and had gotten such a shock to see someone so identical to Aine standing before him. This was Ai, with all Ai’s memories and experiences and connections. Could he hope that he’d formed enough of a bond that Ai would trust him?

When Ai next opened his mouth, Reiji held his breath to hear. “I told you I’d tell you, so I’ll tell you what I can. No… I’ll tell you what I want to, as much as I want to. But… just answer one thing first.”

“Hm? What is it?”

“Can you promise that you’ll tell me what you know about Kisaragi Aine?”

Goosebumps rose along Reiji’s arms. He sucked in a shaky breath, his mind reeling. No, he had to calm down. There was nothing strange about Ai asking about Aine. A good number of people knew they looked and sounded alike, he could have picked it up from anyone. Perhaps even Haruka, who had asked Reiji directly and who knew that Aine and Reiji had been friends.

The steady seriousness in Ai’s gaze told Reiji that this wasn’t an idle question, that whatever would come from it and from each of their answers would be deep. And Reiji let out a long, slow breath and smiled.

“Yeah. I’ll tell you what I know.”

Ai examined him for several seconds, and then smiled as well.

“Thanks. Okay. I’ll tell you… everything.”

He lifted a hand and tapped the side of his neck…

[princessconsuelapark]

Secrets, Tears and What-ifs - Part 29

Author: Blake (justrainythings) Pairing: Ant McPartlin/Declan Donnelly Word count: 5 994 words Summary: After the Sun outing them and their secret 20-year affair, they have to deal with paparazzi, girlfriends, wives, family and... their feelings for each other. Angst. Fighting. Serious stuff. Yay. :) Part 1 & Part 2 & Part 3 & Part 4 & Part 5 & Part 6 & Part 7 & Part 8 & Part 9 & Part 10 & Part 11 & Part 12 & Part 13 & Part 14 & Part 15 & Part 16 & Part 17 & Part 18 & Part 19 & Part 20 & Part 21 & Part 22 & Part 23 & Part 24 & Part 25 & Part 26 & Part 27 & Part 28

// Chapter on AO3 - er, well... hello, I guess? let's get straight to the point and do this in numbered bulletpoints yay 1. I'm sorry for being shit at updating, but hey, here's a new chapter, how about that?

2. This is my first chance at properly expressing this, so here it is: I'M SO FUCKING INCREDIBLY PROUD OF ANTHONY DAVID MCPARTLIN AND I LOVE AND SUPPORT HIM TO THE MOON AND BACK UNTIL MY DYING DAY AND BEYOND <3 <3

3. This chapter would have never been written if Abiee (@abieeoliver21​) hadn't asked me to include a certain someone - I know it was 8 million years ago, I’m not even sure you’re still reading it, but this is for you, love :)

4. No plot in this chapter, really - just some random (and mostly surface-value) soul-searching stuff and no one really gets to the bottom of anything. Bit of foreshadowing and mentions of stuff to come though haha.

5. I'm so so so SO incredibly thankful to everyone who's still here, who's still reading this, who's still interested, who still makes an effort to comment. Honestly, honestly, cross my heart. Every single person who's waited a minute for this chapter, a couple months, or a few years (god, I'm shit at this). I love you all so much, thank you a million for all your amazingess <3 <3 (also: usual warning for the usual swearing)  //

so because the last update was hundreds of years ago (please don't hate me), it's re-cap time !!

Ant and Dec have been having a secret affair for 20 years, but suddenly they are outed to the whole world, ouch. (To be fair, this is the premise of the fic, so I guess, you all remember that much at least. I mean, I hope so. I know it's been a year, but like... The summary is right there when you click on the bloody thing, yeah? Fuck, it's been a year. Please please don't hate me.)

They fight a lot about stuff - which they never do (scary!) -, while trying to navigate the minefield their personal and professional life has become. It turns out, Dec was quite upset about Ant marrying Lisa, thinking that Ant had given up on him, while Ant was never really conscious of the fact that he was actually in love with Dec.

Now though, Ant had broken up with Lisa, while Dec never really saw the need to do so with Ali (which, let's admit, was not the most eloquent way of handling this, but this fic is about Ant and Dec being in love, so we don't really give a shit about that), so they are both available, but terrified of what that means. Dec even had a couple of emotional, panic attack-like breakdowns (mainly in bathrooms? which is... weird, I guess?) that Ant is fairly concerned about. His family didn't take the news the best way possible. Especially his Mam.

They somehow got through Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and are currently half-way through Saturday, the day of their first live show of Saturday Night Takeaway. They are nervous, but as the show draws closer and closer, and more problems arise, they rely and depend more on each other than ever, defaulting back to their AntandDec-ness (and being very cute, if I might add).

Meanwhile a very old, but quite dramatically disgusting picture of them kissing surfaces suddenly and to push it out of circulation, Ali suggests to wander down to a nearby park and do a pap-walk, so they can provide less awful, and more lovey-dovey, kissing and hand-holding photos for the press. (Oh, and there's this homophobic little woman in the park who calls them out on kissing, but they handle it well, phew.) With that push, it's kind of decided for them and they more or less finally agree that they should be together and "properly date", if you will, although they are still quite shit at the whole having "The Conversation" thing. Ant admits to a few things that he wanted to come clear about (namely a sexual encounter of his with another man), Dec is not exactly sure how he feels about that (apart from unhealthily jealous and possessive).

Currently Ant is not really feeling on top of things, following a visit by Little Ant and a voicemail from his Mam. He mainly just wants Dec, who's left to get tea like ten minutes ago and to be fair, that's already way too much time to spend apart, so.

Dec is leaning on the bar counter in their studio's green room, waiting for their teas to brew, distractedly munching on a Jammie Dodger when she just wonders in. He tries to say something along the lines of 'oh shit', but he's mid-bite and he kind of chokes on a piece of biscuit and consequently starts coughing immediately. He tries to spit the soggy biscuit crumbs into a napkin in the most dignified way possible and she starts laughing at him heartily. And well, Dec really doesn’t appreciate that, despite knowing how ridiculous he must look. He is still concentrating pretty hard on, you know… not dying when she pulls him into a thorough hug.

It’s a long one and it feels like, she’s trying to tell him something with it, he’s just not quite sure what, but nevertheless it’s reassuring in a way that can only come from the familiarity of someone you’ve known a really long time.

'Cat,' Dec finally manages when they come out of the hug, wiping tears from his eyes, still coughing a bit, but breathing a lot more easily now. ‘Hey pet.’

‘You okay, love?’ she asks, tucking a blonde strand behind her ear, laughing again.

He nods and for a moment they just stare at each other in silence because of how impossible the whole thing feels – Cat is here (here in England - and in their green room, of all places!) and well, also, Dec almost just died in a Jammie Dogder-related accident. Maybe he could sue ITV. Where there’s a blame, there’s a claim, he thinks vaguely humorously.

Then Cat says, 'You completely forgot, I was coming, didn’t you.’

And… that, he did.

They set it up weeks and weeks ago – she texted him a couple times and she was coming back home to England for a bit anyway, so they were talking about going out for dinner, the three of them, after the live show, to do a bit of catching up.

But lately they've not really been on top of things, to say the least, and in the chaotic whirlwind of all kinds of pictures in tabloids and their messy fights, Dec’s been feeling like he can only focus on the task that’s directly ahead of him in order to avoid going absolutely crazy.

So, actually, no, he didn’t just forget about Cat coming; it seemed like, setting it up never even happened, or maybe in another lifetime, but definitely not only a few months ago.

Cat is still looking at him, so he simply just nods yes, because they’ve been friends for way too long to lie to her about something like that.

‘We did, I'm so sorry. There's just been some stuff going on and- I mean, it's great that you're here though-’

'It's great that you think that it's great that I'm here,’ Cat interrupts him quickly with a relieved smile. ‘Because I wasn't sure whether I should come or not after all this stuff. I mean, you guys invited me, but you know. All this is happening…’ here she makes a vague motion with her hand implying all this that’s currently happening, ‘But I just thought, you know, I don't come home all that often nowadays, so…'

'No, it's great, I'm honestly chuffed,’ Dec tells her and when he actually thinks about it, he comes to the conclusion that he’s not lying about this at all, not even a little bit; he’s glad that Cat is here. She represents something that’s constant, something that’s still normal in their life. ‘You look great, by the way,' he tells her, making her smile.

She really does. Dec has always kind of been half in love with her from the very first moment and it’s still like that. She’s really pretty – she’s always been, but she looks attractive in a more sophisticated way now –, Dec could die for her long blondish hair (although nowadays it’s more light brown, he notices), she also has a sort of delicate feminineness about her that he’s fascinated by, but at the same time he’s always loved her ever-present crude sense of humour and he knows, she’s always up for a laugh. She looks older than he remembers, but it suits her and – it’s a cliché, but she kind of grew into her face.

'Thanks, darling. I don’t look as great as Ashley Roberts though – I just ran into her outside and wow. Very American,’ she says the last bit like it’s a nasty piece of gossip and Dec loves her for that even more.

Dec laughs. 'Yeah, she is.’ Then he considers it, ‘You’re kinda very American too,' he adds with a playful smile.

‘Shut up,’ Cat says, dismissing him easily with a wave of her hand in a way that says, she’s very much used to this kind of banter. ‘You know what I mean though, she’s just… wow.’

‘She definitely is,’ Dec admits and to be fair, she’s totally Dec’s type. Still, if it ever came to it - if he was not fiercely in love with his best friend, that is -, he would choose Cat over Ashley any day.

'But last I heard, you were taken…' she says and horrifyingly, it sounds like a question, or at least something that Dec should elaborate on, and while the tone is mockingly mischievous, he can’t help but hear a fair amount of caution in it.

Cat doesn’t look sure if she has any business asking about this and Dec… Well, Dec has no idea what he thinks about that. He doesn’t have much experience with talking about relationship stuff and it’s definitely even harder when it comes to his relationship with Ant, because that’s never been something that was openly up for discussion. He has no idea where the lines are, what he feels comfortable sharing.

‘I… Sort of, yeah,’ he manages, and he can’t help, but feel that this uncertainty is kind of a setback, but to be fair, it has been an absolute roller-coaster of day and Dec doesn’t feel like putting much more energy into expressing his inner turmoil more adequately.

Cat raises an eyebrow. She looks hurt, like Dec just said something wrong, something slightly problematic. Dec has no clue why though, so he waits for her to elaborate.

'Come on, Declan, don't do this,’ Cat pleads, her voice strangely high-pitched. ‘I’ve known you for…'

'Oh. It's not- I’m not not telling you, Cat,’ he protests, understanding Cat’s reaction now. ‘It’s just, well, I’m not sure how it works at the minute.'

Cat raises a perfectly shaped, sceptical eyebrow at that. ‘What’s this then?’ she asks, shoving her phone into Dec’s hand and wow, that’s…

‘Weird,’ he says dazedly.

Dec thinks he really should get used to seeing pictures of him and Ant snogging in various locations, posted on the internet, but no, it still comes a shock seeing it so public, so sensationalised. It’s a bit different this time around though, because… Well, he knew about these pictures. He made a conscious (if not entirely free-willed) decision to participate in them; he agreed to do this. It’s the park ones, because of course it’s the park ones, and it feels silly now, but somehow he’s already almost forgotten about them; moved on, anxiously waiting for the next problem, the next catastrophe to survive and apprehensively, very unhealthily fixate on.

He scrolls through the article, flustered, a little bit feeling like he would be very grateful if there was a chair underneath him right now.

He ignores everything that’s written, he just concentrates on the pictures, and that’s already more than enough to deal with - he doesn’t need the shitty tabloid narration of their life on top of it all, thank you very much.

On the first picture they are in the queue for the burger stand, waiting for their food, and he’s looking up at Ant with a sweet, loving smile (‘That’s my favourite - it’s like a wedding picture, isn’t it,’ Cat offers with a concerning amount of enthusiasm, from where she’s plastered to Dec’s back now, looking over his shoulder to see the phone.) Dec thinks that the second one is okay, - it’s just them walking next to each other - up until he realises that they are holding hands on it and… okay. So that’s what they look like when they are holding hands. Interesting.

The next one is the first one to feature a kiss and the phone shakes in Dec’s hand for a second. Strangely, with this one, he’s not too concerned about how it looks (apparently it looks ‘very very cute’, according to Cat), but about the fact that they actually have a picture of their first truly free kiss. One for the grandchildren. Or… something like that.

The ones after that feature them on the bench, eating, kissing, then laughing, then kissing some more and oh, here’s the homophobic woman, shit.

Dec scrolls back up to the top though, because he honestly just can’t deal with that right now and… here he is again, smiling at Ant, looking like he’s happy, proud, carefree and very much in love.

‘Weird,’ he says again.

Cat laughs at him, not mockingly so; it sounds soft and bright. ‘When the whole country is talking about you having an affair with your best friend and you go to a park and start snogging him senseless, then there’s absolutely nothing weird about it ending up on the internet.’

‘No, that’s not what I meant, it’s just so weird to see it like that,’ Dec explains. ‘It was a publicity thing that we did,’ he adds at the end, mumbling distractedly, like a non-too-important disclaimer.

‘Yeah, because that looks just like a publicity thing that you did,’ Cat laughs.

Dec just leaves it at that, and he’s not sure why - maybe he’s just tired of explaining something he doesn’t understand himself, maybe he just doesn’t care that much anymore.

‘I’m sorry it came out- The whole thing, I mean… I’m sorry that it came out like that. It’s not fair. You deserved better,’ Cat says then, much more serious, and Dec looks up.

For a moment he doesn’t know what to say, because for the first time someone actually acknowledged this, someone expressed just how wrong this whole situation is, the fact that someone outed them against their will, poking into their personal life uninvited, (not to say that they are not at fault here, but cheating and lying, those are the crimes they are guilty of, and surely, surely the punishment-like attention for being in an affair that happens to be a gay one, while simultaneously being on television is not fair on any level) and it’s quite overwhelming to hear his own thoughts of injustice directly expressed to him.

In the end he just smiles at her gratefully, ‘Thanks.’

‘But you know. That’s just your fabulous showbiz life, isn’t it? Can’t go anywhere without being recognised, you poor souls. Fame, fortune, sex, money, scandals…! Maybe you should murder someone next. Ooh, or better: have a reality show!’ she teases him and Dec can’t help himself but hit her in the shoulder playfully.

‘Shut up.’

‘Ooor, maybe you should make a sex tape. That would sell well. Let me know if you wanted to. I know some people,’ she offers, mock-serious and looking at him with overly-scandalous eyes, but she can’t keep a straight face for long.

‘Oh, shut your face…’ Dec hits her again.

They laugh like they just said goodbye to each other yesterday, after a long morning of doing SM:TV, and it’s refreshing to be able to have fun with someone who’s not Ant. Maybe takes the pressure off their relationship a bit. Maybe Dec needs reminding sometimes that he’s capable of existence without Ant by his side every single minute of the day, so he can cherish the time that they do spend together even more.

It feels good and easy to be with Cat like that, but in a way it’s also nerve-wrecking, because of what Dec knows is coming next. They are at that point in the conversation. And indeed, although Cat is still smiling at him brightly, her voice turns sincere as she asks in a much quieter voice, 'You two okay?'

Dec sighs. He decides, he’s not so much uncomfortable talking about it, as he just doesn’t have the answers. Because the ‘you two okay’ question is way more complicated than it actually appears to be on the surface. Are they? Dec wants to think so, but he had just one too many panicky breakdowns in various bathrooms over the last couple of days to be able to say that they are with complete certainty. So many things have gone wrong today already and it’s not even show time.

'Yeah,’ he says, but his voice doesn’t come out right. He clears his throat. ‘Getting there,' is what he eventually manages, because he doesn’t want to sound bitter, he doesn’t want to appear as morbidly fed up as he actually feels.

Cat however is not the type of person who is satisfied with that kind of answer, and actually, wow, how could Dec even think that she was going to just let it go that easily? They really do need to meet up more often.

‘So… hang on, you are in a relationship then?' she presses, somehow making it sound like it’s the least intrusive question ever.

Dec still doesn’t have the answers however, no matter how relentless or good at this Cat is, so he goes for something light-hearted. 'Well, everyone seems to think so,' he says dismissively, not looking her in the eye.

'What kind of answer is that?' she asks with furrowed eyebrows, but also like she’s worried that she’s gone just a bit too far this time.

Dec sighs, more just frustrated with himself than anything anything else, really. 'The I don't know kind. It's just… this whole talking about things is pretty new to me, sorry. I mean…’ he trails off. ‘It's like no one's surprised. Like people were expecting it,’ it almost explodes out of him, the words coming quick and loud; this has been bothering him for a while now. ‘Like everyone fucking secretly knew about it like…!’

There is a moment of silence and Cat is looking at him with this very very patient expression on her face, like she’s waiting for him to realise something, like she wants him to figure it out on his own.

‘Oh, for fuck’s sake,’ Dec curses when he finally understands. ‘I give up,’ he says, looking up at the ceiling. ‘I fucking give up. Why is it even such a big deal if every person on this bloody planet knew about it, huh? Why? If this is not even new information to anyone, why does it still make the front page of every shitty tabloid in this stupid country like? Aren’t people more interested in… I don’t know, Posh and Becks, or something?!’

Cat laughs at him, but she’s rubbing at his shoulder comfortingly. She leans over the counter then, rummaging for a bit, then turning back towards Dec with a plastic teaspoon.

‘Well, not everyone knew about it,’ she says consolingly, fishing out the teabags from both of the teas that Dec has already completely forgotten about. She dumps them unceremoniously on top a single napkin, drenching the whole counter immediately and looking like she couldn’t care less. She puts down the spoon and looks into Dec’s face with a part-apologetic, part-pleading expression. ‘But, I mean - and I’m only speaking for myself here -, if you think about it, you were never really careful about it when it was just the three of us, so I just assumed you thought that I knew, and I mean, it wasn't exactly a big deal, so…'

Dec lets out a disbelieving little laugh. 'Ant was with Lisa though. I was dating Clare-'

Cat holds up a hand, before he could go any further than that. ‘I’m not saying I understood exactly what was going on, Dec, but you know... It’s the two of you. It’s just your thing,’ she explains easily.

‘Our thing,’ Dec repeats incredulously.

‘Well, yeah,’ she grins at him bright and happy, stunning Dec into silence for a moment.

‘I feel like I have to go now and re-evaluate my life,’ he deadpans finally and Cat laughs warmly.

‘Better now than never,’ she says. Cheeky. ‘Where’s your loved up other half, then?’

‘Dressing room,’ Dec replies, only bothering to roll his eyes at that, and well, okay, maybe he understands why so many people have always taken this for granted - they never exactly discouraged the notion that there was something between them deeper than friendship. But it never really bothered him, he was never really iffy about assumptions like that. If that’s even possible, he was always sort of clear on where he stood: pretty much very into blonde girls, but kind of also very much happily attached to Ant in every way possible. A bit of teasing about their closeness was always welcome, met with a slightly embarrassed, but mostly proudly possessive smile or a funnier counter-joke. It never even occurred to either of them to get prissy about it, especially because most of it was… well, true.

‘We still have a bit of time, I think, if you wanna come, see him before the show?’ he suggests, looking at his watch. He grabs both teas when Cat nods and starts making his way out of the green room with her close behind.

‘Oh yeah, how’s the show going?’ Cat asks as they walk down a corridor, seemingly having realised that for now, she’s not going to get anything more specific out of him, relationship-wise.

‘Well, you know…’ Dec shrugs. ‘It’s okay, I think. It’s one big gay joke, the whole thing, with loads of embarrassing bits and making fun of ourselves, but we never had too much dignity anyway.’

‘So you’re acknowledging it,’ she nods seriously.

‘We can’t just ignore it, to be fair,’ he smiles back tepidly.

Cat shakes her head. ‘I know plenty of people who would. And you have to give yourself credit when you’re doing something right.’

‘Hah, yeah, because doing something right is exactly what this is. Forced out of the closet and we are gracious enough to acknowledge it. Well done us!’

They are suddenly stopped when they get to the next turn - a couple of stage-hands seemingly have tried to move a large piece of the stage set through the corridors, but now it’s stuck. Dec is assured by several people rapidly that the issue is going to be solved any minute now, but he just raises his eyebrows at them, like he couldn’t be less fazed by this catastrophic turn of events and leans on a wall casually, continuing his conversation with Cat, waiting to be able to get through.

‘You see, a tiny part of me thought, you two put the picture out,’ Cat says in a way that’s almost outrageously shy, especially coming from her.

‘What, that we did this whole thing on purpose?’ Dec asks back, definitely not as outraged as he perhaps would have been a day, maybe even hours ago.

She nods silently.

‘You’re not the first person to accuse me of that today,’ Dec remarks, surprised to detect humour in his own voice. ‘Ant and you should really make a Facebook group for that or something.’

He laughs, but Cat just gapes at him. ‘Wait, he said what?’

Dec sighs again. ‘I don’t know, Cat,’ he says, rubbing the bridge of his nose tiredly. There are quite a few people mulling around now, waiting for the corridor to be free to walk again, but the casual chatting of people and the shouts of the stage-hands make enough noise for Dec to deem it a safe environment to have this conversation in. He’s at a point where he doesn’t care much anyway, to be fair.

‘At first it was just that we reacted really differently,’ he starts explaining it, from the start, from the beginning, like he never had a chance to do so with his Mam, like he felt too awkward to with Ali, and too uncomfortable with his sister. ‘He automatically tried to defend what they had with Lisa, which is fair enough, but for me, it was all about finally doing what we should have done ten years ago. Being honest about it. I guess,’ he chuckles, realising the irony of it just now, ‘I reacted like everyone else, assuming that we’d be together now that’s it out, just taking it for granted.

‘But then he broke up with Lise, but decided not to tell me, so I could choose to leave him if I wanted to apparently, or… whatever the fuck that was about,’ he looks at Cat here significantly, with a “can you believe how stupid and annoying he is” kind of look, and when Cat laughs (surprised a little, but indulging) it feels like the best thing in the whole wide world.

‘And well, I’m definitely not with Ali, but it’s just… well, there were some trust-’ Dec stops himself before he could say “issues”. ‘There were some trust things… On my part, mainly. And maybe that’s why he seems to think that it’s like honesty hour now or something, because he keeps coming up with all these things that he never told me and I just… fuck, I wish we could just… Stop time or something. Call half-time. Because we have no idea how to handle any of this fucked up thing and we… put these people through this thing, this sick thing, for… for years! I mean, Mam’s not talking to me, Lisa is fucking heartbroken, but like, still taking it in her stride, Ali is fucking amazing, doing the manager things, and… fuck, there’s Clare and Georgie and so many other people that we just… fucked. And for what? So we can shag each other? It’s like I never even realised how stupid this whole thing…’ his rant stops suddenly and abruptly, with him having to take an almost unexpected breath out of nowhere, but then he shrugs and lets out an indignant little huff, not bothering to finish his sentence.

‘You’re actually fighting?’ Cat asks into the silence, her eyes a very deep brown.

‘I guess, we finally got to the point of breaking. We always said, it’d happen one day and it wasn’t healthy that we never fought.’ Dec suddenly wonders for a second if it was actually them who always said this, or if it was just one of them, and if yes, which one. He shakes his head, letting go of this pointless thought.

‘It wasn’t just shagging though, Dec. You are in love. You can’t control that,’ Cat says quietly, reminding Dec of a negotiator trying to talk someone off a roof, someone who’s very determined to jump.

‘Well, fuck. I don’t know what the right answer is or what we should have-’ a sudden picture-perfect memory startles him into silence. An echoing church corridor, eight or so years ago, him running, trying to comprehend what’s just happened, trying not to throw up, just running and running, like the coward he is, the fucking mess that he was that day. But, no. He did the right thing. Or… did he? Wasn’t it always going to end like this, out in the open? Didn’t he just postpone the inevitable by not doing what he was prepared to finally go through with that day? ‘We are still responsible for all of this,’ he says gravely after a while, after collecting himself a bit.

‘I wasn’t expecting you to be fighting though,’ Cat says, sort of just thinking aloud.

‘Neither did we,’ Dec replies, grimacing. ‘We ran out of secrets today though, I think,’ he adds, almost like an after-thought, not sounding as hopeful as he’d like. ‘Don’t look at us like that,’ he asks Cat pleadingly when she stares at him, looking a bit like she’s never seen him in her life.

‘Sorry,’ she says, catching herself. ‘I- I guess, I just thought, you would be more…’

‘Prepared for something like this?’ Dec finishes her sentence, laughing humourlessly. ‘Yeah, no, ‘cos, we’re idiots like. But I think for Ant it was way easier to get over all this. It’s like he jumped from this is not serious, it’s never been, to this place where he’s just incredibly comfortable with everything and… I guess, this is what I always wanted and now I know this, but I was just so fucking afraid that I never admitted it to myself and I’m still pretty much just scared shitless,’ he concludes. ‘Well. That’s where we are right now. That’s what I mean by I don’t know.’

Cat seems to think about it for a moment, taking it all in, processing, then - looking as enlightened as it goes - she says, ‘You’ve been struggling with this for a lifetime, Decs. You had way too much time to think about it and make up all these problems in your head, whether they are real or not. You just have more to get through than he does,’ she says and Dec is a bit taken aback by how it’s actual sensible advise, even if it can just be translated into a simple “give it time”. ‘Like the wedding thing?’ Cat adds tentatively and oh, fuck.

‘Shit. I forgot you knew about that,’ Dec shakes his head, pointedly staring at his shoes. The pain he expects from the mention of the wedding doesn’t come this time (maybe he’s exhausted his quota for the day or it’s too soon, from a moment ago when he thought about it, to hurt properly again), and that’s unusual, but he does feel more embarrassed than he has in a long while, and that’s really something, considering he just had several close-up pictures of snogging Ant’s face off exposed to, and tabloid-pushed-down-the-throats of, most of the country’s population.

‘I was there,’ Cat says significantly. ‘I don’t just know about it, I fucking saw it happen.’

Dec is infinitely thankful for the distraction of someone coming up to him, saying that the set piece really is stuck and maybe they are better off choosing a different route and just going the long way around, so the wedding topic is left well and alone. Dec exchanges pleasantries about this overall quite sitcom-humorous turn of events with the person and (‘They were not supposed to move it through here, but a couple of the new guys didn’t know,’ he explains to Cat) turns around to walk back the way they came from.

‘So… I mean, I just assumed that you’re like together, especially after the pictures, but now I’m… not so sure?’ Cat continues her probing, and despite his general and automatic annoyance by this line of questioning, Dec finds that it’s really nice to complain to someone about all this.

‘Yeah. Yeah? Maybe. Probably.’ Dec shoots her a painful smile when he realises how stupid that sounded. ‘It’s complicated.’

‘Have you talked about it?’ she asks, laughing a little, as they turn onto another corridor.

‘We… sort of did,’ Dec confirms, but then he goes off-topic, his thoughts racing too fast for him to make them coherent enough to even just stop himself from casually blurting them out. ‘Today he said I love you to me in the most casual way and I said it back without even thinking about it and I feel like… It doesn’t feel like a normal relationship, like we didn’t have any of those moments, like we never even had a first date like, but I feel like I’ve been dating him since I was twenty or something – how is that right?’ he asks, feeling every bit as pathetic as he know he must sound.

‘It can’t be right just because it’s not usual?’ Cat asks back wonderingly, for some reason still humouring Dec. ‘Okay, so you didn’t have a traditional I love you moment, so what?’ (Dec opens his mouth here, because while they might not have had a so-to-speak “traditional” I love you moment - and Ant might stupidly deny that that was their first one on top of that -, it was still pretty romcom-like, thank you very much, involving some leftover curry, crap telly and Peter Andre being their upstairs neighbour playing a weirdly significant role in all of it, but then he thinks better of it and just lets Cat continue without interrupting). ‘You have other things. You have a kind of connection that most people wouldn’t ever dare dream of…’

‘I guess so,’ Dec says awkwardly. He still finds it incredibly strange how other people perceive their relationship, how other people consider his day-to-day normal to be unique and special. Not to say, he’s not aware of how lucky he is to have found Ant, it’s just…

He stops at a door leading to a set of service stairs, holds it open for Cat, lets her grab onto his arm as she - surprisingly elegantly - struggles down them in her heels. ‘It’s just confusing and I feel like I can’t figure it out - any of it,’ he says finally. ‘And there’s just so much pressure from everywhere to do the right thing and be so many things and it’s bloody all over the papers like and…’

‘I really didn’t expect you to be this hesitant about this,’ Cat says earnestly, stopping for a moment.

Dec looks at her. Then with new-found energy, ‘I mean just because it’s supposed to work, just because it’s us, it doesn’t mean that it actually will. We’re just jumping into it and there’s no time to adjust, not like when you’re actually dating someone, to get used to them, to figure out their habits and-‘

‘But, Dec…’ she interrupts him, sounding astonished. ‘You don’t need to do that,’ she laughs incredulously, shaking her head.

He looks at her, a bit frustrated, waiting for her to explain.

‘You know all this. Yeah, this might be an issue for other people who get together like this, from an affair or whatever, and yeah, it might be an adjustment, a hard one, but the pair of you are…’ she laughs again, almost fondly, ‘…strange and weird and… just think it through! You know what’s it like to live with him. You see each other every single day. You know his habits, you know what he does first thing in the morning, you know how he takes his coffee, you have shared a bathroom together, you do actually go shopping together. Dec, you have a joint twitter account for god's sake,' she finishes, looking like she’s clearly just won this whole thing altogether.

Dec opens his mouth to snarl back at her, but then he realises, he’s not sure what to say. After a while he just puts a hand on her lower back to usher her forwards and in the right direction. They don’t say much of anything for the rest of the way; Dec deep in his thoughts, Cat clicking with her heels like she’s the queen of the universe or something and she just solved Dec’s every problem single-handedly.

Well, Dec thinks with a wry smile, as he hands her the teas so he can open his dressing room door. Maybe she is. And maybe she didn’t exactly solve everything, but. This is definitely a start, or… maybe even a clear sighting of a finish line that, until a minute ago, Dec wasn’t even sure - couldn’t possibly hope! - existed.

chapter 30

[booksbroadwaybbc]

How can I make a good (first) impression last? via /r/selfimprovement

How can I make a good (first) impression last?

Hello everyone.

A quick tl;dr -I searched this thread for topics related to my problem but the ones that I found are mostly about making a good first impression. This might be a little strange for some people but for me, first impressions aren't the problem - it's following up and keeping people interested in me that I seem to mess up. I have commitment issues and I can sometimes be very introverted and neurotic, and that plays a part.

Although I've always been introverted, I never had making and maintaining good relationships with friends as a kid. Things took a turn for the worse during my emo, angst-filled teen years where I became super neurotic and assumed most people were up to no good. Though I can still be extremely neurotic at times, I started taking steps to improve myself - meditating, forcing myself to have deeper conversations with people, trying to me more empathetic. I'm far from perfect, but I know that I'm definitely in a better position than what I was say, 3 years ago.

I don't have trouble introducing myself, taking about my hobbies, etc. but when it comes to following up maintaining a sustained level of interest in someone or something, I'm just horrible. As a result, people seem to assume that I don't care, and stop giving a damn about me themselves. I'll use two examples to illustrate this -

a) In my previous job, I found out later, that everyone thought I was great when I was still a candidate and going though the interview process. I had four rounds of interviews, with the last one being with the CEO. He even made a joke about this back then - "You seem to have charmed your way into my company!" but I didn't get it at that time.

However, three months later, the CEO called me to his office and asked me if "everything was fine" in my personal life. When I asked him why he asked me this, he said that I wasn't being very 'gregarious' and I wasn't interacting with the others as I had been earlier. You know what the sad part is? I didn't even notice this - I was just doing my job and putting my 100% into what I was doing (R&D, if you're interested). It was only when I consciously started to interact more with co-workers, and made an effort to be friendly that I got some positive feedback on this aspect. There weren't any complaints about my work whatsoever, btw (something I'm happy about).

b) During my master's degree (late 2016) - there were two occasions where two girls kinda asked me out at different points of time. It sounds ridiculous for this to happen to a guy, I know! Now both these girls were super nice to me in the beginning, but were taking things a bit too fast for me. Now since these were early days, so I didn't want to suggest outright that I wasn't very comfortable, I 'became' a bit more reticent and just did my thing. In both occurrences, these girls went from asking me to stay at their place and going on a trip together, respectively, to being people who'd just say hello/bye to me. Both of them got into relationships soon after that, if I may add. Now that I think about it, they were almost identical scenarios...

As you'd imagine, I felt (and feel) like an idiot. I drove two very nice people away from me by (literally) not doing anything. It's almost like a default habit of mine, and it's worked to my detriment in a couple of other occurrences as well.

Now I don't know whether my 'quality' of taking things super slow or my introverted nature is to blame for this but I definitely have trouble living up to the expectations I kind of create for myself in other people's eyes. Has anyone else experienced something like this? Either way, would you have any advice for me about this? Thanks a lot in advance.

Submitted September 20, 2018 at 02:06AM by hsphoenix_95 via reddit https://ift.tt/2xBomXx