#although i think i'm going to make it simpler to be easier to draw

[eclipsing-weight]

figuring out how to draw the boy

[yuseirra]

I've been watching a lot of videos about psychology/how people who've experienced abuse as a child from their parents feel and.. It's so rough.. So tough💦 I thought I should do at least some basic research to handle this subject in a respectful manner even if it were to be incorporated in a short fancomic

Oh.. I knew it wasn't going to be easy...

I do have a basic outline of an idea on how I'm going to portray Ai's confrontation with her mom(that was, something I already had my take on although it'd be vague) but I'm a bit worried if what I come up with would be convincing enough 💨

I will be taking a lot of references from what I've read though. There does seem to be a collective trend on how many of these types of encounters usually turned out to be, and it wasn't too different from how I thought things would be much. It was still really saddening to realize this is an issue that's hurt a lot of people and have many take so long to heal and recover from.

You really need to be a mature and responsible individual before anything before you decide to become a parent. You must be prepared to be patient and give all the love a child needs because having it in the early stages of life is so crucial. I've learned the really basics of it as theories but reading and seeing what people went through on a personal level hits deep... I wish everyone could have had a lovely childhood. Wonder why pain even exists in this world.

Oh and another thing that occurred to me is that, portraying pain may be much, much simpler and easier than doing the same for the process of healing. Like how it is in real life. People hurt each other all the time but it's miles harder to rebuild yourself from it, a vase is no longer the same once you shatter it. It may be restored and look as good as new but it's just different from it having never been broken in the first place. But there are words like resilience and post-traumatic growth. They say a bone can get even stronger after it's been broken. Perhaps there is hope for people being the same way. I know it's true.

Would I be good with drawing this?; I'm not sure actually; I don't trust myself to be so wise on the subject but, I want to give it a try as hard as it may be. Maybe I'm being too serious about this and what I come up with can be so short and disappointing but I think I still learned some things in the process! I apologize in advance if what I come up with isn't satisfactory enough~ I follow canon, I really do but THIS is what canon DIDN'T TOUCH and that does make me quite nervous! I wish they did instead of me!!! ;v;)9999 it's sad they didn't!!

[rararazaquato]

Valentine, you're a

horse

(rain code pony au. design notes under the cut!)

just as a note, i haven't seen my little pony since i was like. 11. and also i don't think i watched beyond twilight becoming an alicorn. my knowledge of later seasons mostly comes from horsecomix. so if i say anything that contradicts the Horse Lore, sorry about that.

ok now for individual designs.

yuma is a unicorn, mostly because mystery labyrinths require him to be able to hold a sword and talk at the same time. in addition to his memories, he lost his cutie mark in the pact, so everyone who sees him is like "damn you're an amnesiac AND a blank flank? pick a struggle". he doesn't have any accessories by default, but he probably gets a little hat in the rain + his cape in the mystery labyrinth. he was the first pony i drew, so his face looks a little janky. i struggled with drawing the ponies from any angle other than a perfect sideview, and the snouts/mouths were the hardest parts by far. the front view i did for yuma was a bit easier than the 3/4 view i did for most of the cast, but it was still tougher than i expected. pony artists who mimic the style of the show have all of my respect.

shinigami's spirit form was changed a little bit, although it was already so abstracted compared to a real human that i didn't feel i needed to change much in order to make her fit into the pony universe. i just swapped her horns out for wings and gave her a horn. i also removed her thumbs and made her colors closer to her human (er, pony) form. she's no longer a "death god" in the traditional sense, now being the "princess of death" in the same way twilight is the princess of friendship or cadence is the princess of love. she was sealed away because she was shit at her job (just killed a fuckton of people for no reason) but anypony who stumbled across the book she was sealed in can make a contract w her just like in rain code canon. obvi this is a little dark for the actual mlp universe, they wouldn't be putting a trigger-happy murder princess in their rated y cartoon, but this is the same fanbase that made fuckin. cupcakes and rainbow factory and a whole slew of others that make the main characters of mlp infinitely more fucked up than canon shinigami ever was. so i feel like we can have a little suspension of disbelief here.

shinigami's true form is an alicorn, obvi. she's a god princess, she's gonna be an alicorn. i tried to refrain from giving the characters too many accessories to better mimic the simpler mane 6 designs, but shinigami looked so naked with just the crown. so she also got her flower and little necklace. i didn't even attempt to put her hair in braids, since drawing her face at that angle was such a challenge already. upon posting this, i also realize i forgot to give her a tail. just imagine any tail you want on her. pin the tail on the shinigami. her cutie mark has the same dark void effect as nightmare moon's, although i can't remember if luna also has it as well. regardless, it's a visual tie-in to nightmare moon, who has a similar "princess banished to an inanimate object" thing going on. the actual cutie mark itself is two bones, representing death in a cutesy cartoony fashion. i was gonna do a skull and crossbones but then i realized. no one knows what a human skull looks like. there's no people. and i am NOT about to draw a fucking horse skull. so, bones it is.

yakou is probably the one i'm proudest of! i feel like i really captured the essence of the background pony in him. i feel like i could see him hanging out with lyra heartstrings and dr. whooves and i wouldn't bat an eyelash. his hair is a little longer than in the original design but i think it looks cute so it's fine. his cutie mark is an umbrella because his calling as a detective leads him to protect others like an umbrella protects you from the rain, plus kanai ward has its whole Thing. and he can be kind of a gloomy person at times, very pessimistic. he's an earth pony because he's just a normal guy, no forte in canon and stuff like that.

makoto was probably the trickiest to actually design. the element of mystery is super important in the original character design, but he was able to still have some skin exposed since almost all of the character designs in that game have a skintone of "homestuck white". in mlp, where coat colors can be any color of the rainbow (and the colors outside of the rainbow), makoto would lose that element of mystery. so, while i generally try to avoid putting the ponies in clothes, makoto kind of needed them. he's got his full suit and a set of gloves and white shoes for his hooves. instead of being a sort of "paper plate" mask, he's got a rubber halloween mask that extends past his neck instead. don't ask how the mane comes out of the mask. we don't ask how canon makoto's mask stays on with no straps, so don't ask about this one. the mask goes over his horn, so it blocks out most powerful magic, but basic spells like levitation are still possible with a bit of effort. the pants of his suit hide his cutie mark, and when asked about what it is, he gives a different answer each time.

kurumi isn't a super complicated or in-depth design. just a cute lil earth pony with a cutie mark of a speech bubble, since she does a lot of information gathering via talking to others. in hindsight, i should've given her freckles in the same color as her body outline. imagine she has freckles please. thank you.

fubuki is the design where i actually got the courage to attempt a braid. no idea if it looks good, i didn't use a reference and my hair is too short to braid it myself. i wanted an earth pony in the core group of nda members, and i was sort of torn between her and desuhiko. however, i'm a personal believer in the "all ponies can use magic on some level" theory, and that theory posits that earth ponies have a tendency to be able to use the intrinsic magic of their planet in subtle ways. applejack can enhance her physical strength without really doing anything consciously, and most importantly, pinkie pie can bend the laws of reality for The Bit. i think time travel is kinda like bending the laws of reality for The Bit. plus, desuhiko's disguise ability is kinda like an illusion, which feels like more of a unicorn ability. her cutie mark is a clock. because. uh. you know.

desuhiko is a unicorn for reasons i mentioned in fubuki's notes. his backpack is worn like a saddle, but he can still use it to disguise himself like in rain code canon. his cutie mark is the bag with a star on it, hinting that there's a superstar (him) in the bag. not much to say about him other than that.

vivia is a pegasus. since his forte allows him to fly, it makes sense for him to be able to fly in his base form as well - he'd get used to the flight powers inherent to his ability a lot quicker if he could already do it. he's definitely more of a fluttershy than a rainbow dash in terms of how he uses his ability to fly. he prefers to walk, but if his legs get tired, he'll switch to flying for a little bit. but then both his legs and his wings get tired and he takes a little nap. that's what the pose is meant to be, altho it does look a bit like he's flying. his cutie mark is a disappearing flash shape, as his spirit form is invisible and he tends to disappear into the background in general. someone in the rain coat server told me he looks like stoney pony and i haven't been able to get that out of my mind.

halara was the last pony i drew, because i love them and wanted to get as much pony-drawing experience as i could before turning them into an equine. can't have my pookie bear looking like shit! they are also a pegasus, but not for forte reasons like vivia. rather, they just do impressive feats of athleticism on the reg, and i feel like they would be a great flyer as a result. imagine the scene where yuma calls for help while being detained by seth and the peacekeepers. a blue and purple bursts onto the scene from the fucking clouds and halara is divebombing the peacekeepers. that'd be sick as fuck. their cutie mark is an eye, because postcognition is all about sight.

erm ok thats everyone!!! i'm bad at pony names so if anyone has any ideas leave them in the comments or the tags ☺️

[anulithots]

Aww thank you (and @dancinginsepia)

(Also also, I have a digital paper tablet called the reMarkable, so it gives off the feeling of paper, but I can delete lines and copy and paste... so it does make drawing a bit easier. But in general, it's helpful to look at a reference or a tutorial, then try drawing a shorthand for it in your own style (so the black eyes and simpler shapes for me). Personally, I like drawing as simply as possible, so this is what works for me <3)

Anywho, I got ideas at two am, and would like to share them!

First off, an idea for the general shapes of their human forms -

Subject to change, may fix it later.

AND CONCEPTUALIZING -

So I've wanted to do an exploration for the whole 'western'/'new age' thinking (peruse happiness to the ends of the earth) vs the 'eastern'/'traditional' way of thinking (family and community is most important, listen and you'll be happy automatically, because your individualism will lead you down a dark path) for a while. There seems to be quite the divide, as if you have to choose one path or the other. (This is more of an exploration of these things conceptually, not necessarily how it actually functions irl)

If you follow the new age path: you're rebellious, seen as immature, and as if your thoughts are smaller and dumb. If you follow the traditional path: You'll never please the others, no matter how hard you try, and it can require more effort than you can give - forget about being special needs.

AND CHARACTER CREATION-

On the self-led side, we have Haru - the froggo (He/they)

Wants - to be self-fulfilled and live a weird life that suits them best.

Fears - being ostracized by family (because he still loves them dearly)

They believe that they can't be anything without their family, and that if he were to be ostracized, he simply wouldn't survive.

He's AroAce, has ~mad scientist~ vibes. Has bug collections and is obsessed with them. Just a quirky little guy.

(Also also, Haru's backstory involves not being able to socialize well, and being bullied by the others - although they don't know if it's 'actual bullying' or not - and he ends up really relying on their younger siblings to let him know what's going on because he doesn't understand their social norms.)

On the traditional side, we have Bhek (means Toad, I think it'll be funny if there's a few words of Urdu sprinkled here and there, and meanwhile he's just named 'Toad'.)

Pronouns - He/she

The gentle giant. Also a musician, she plays the tubla (my brothers are learning it, so I can just ask them the specifics)

He tries very hard to do everything the other royals ask of her, but it's quite taxing. She never has enough energy for all of it and is baffled by everyone else's endless supply.

Wants to have his family members be proud of him, and have that ~validation~. Also needs the constant assurances that he's loved.

Fears that this path is too much for him, that she will break one day, and his family would prefer that.

Believes that she needs to push herself to the limit and past to show that he isn't lazy and can do what everyone else can.

(I'm thinking the backstory would be that Bhek got very exhausted with an important royal assignment or smth, and was told that everyone else could do it, and he was just being lazy.)

Now, dear audience, for the:

~*inciting incident*~

(I'm doing my writing process all out of order, but I'll fill in the gaps later.)

So why were they cursed?

In order to keep fairytale (have to look up South Asian fairytales that aren't too religious) level catastrophes and confusion at bay, all royals must choose a life philosophy at age... 16-ish?

Neither Haru nor Bhek can decide between the two - because of their warring fears and wants - so they are cursed to be a frog and a toad. They must find a life philosophy in the terms of a 'true love' (IDK, may change later.)

And they villages they go through have a mixture of this aesthetic:

And this aesthetic

credit to @neytirix, she is the biggest inspiration ever.

✨️ 🧡🌙SEND THIS TO OTHER BLOGGERS YOU THINK ARE WONDERFUL KEEP THE GAME GOING✨️🧡 (I love your banner!!)

Aww thank you, I have another drawing of my queer frogs if you're interested <3

So I imagine that they get turned into frogs (frog and toad????) and they travel from nature-fantasy-style village to village looking for a cure, only to end up falling in love with each other, and the curse is broken.

(Although I've been wanting to tell a story about a queer platonic relationship since forever, so I imagine that they fall in love in that sort of way - not romantic, but not platonic either.)

And I'm thinking of kingdoms and villages that are more of a South Asian style than a European style, it would give me an excuse to actually do some research on my heritage. (They're going to drink so much Chai.)

....Also also, I need names for them.

[finsterhund]

Thinking

The reason I've been so depressed this past week is because I'm getting too old. It's frightening. Extremely frightening. I haven't mentally aged (beyond getting wiser and having more experience) since I was about 8 or 9 but my legal age, and more pressingly, my body have. And the fact that I am a very sickly person means that I'm aware of my mortality more than most people are. I can ignore it most of the time but now it's just sorta snuck up on me and I'm terrified. My bones are getting weaker, my chronic pain worsens, the flare ups when the air pressure changes are getting to the point that it can keep me off my feet when it happens.

I'm also aware of the fact that especially since moving up north that I don't have hardly any friends in real life within visiting range. I don't have people who can come over and hang out. Not only that, but I really can't deny how not having friends who will actually play with me, legitimately, actual play engagements, really does get me down more than I let on. Running around and having adventures and acting out fun elaborate stories like some sort of live action role playing isnt something I've actually gotten to do in a very very long time, because that's something most people grow out of incredibly quickly. I'm just sorta, starved for emotional stimulation, attention, and experiences. There really isn't a cure for this either.

Being stuck unable to mentally mature means that after a certain point socializing in a way that is natural for me becomes impossible. It's a very lonely experience and tbh it's made my depression a fair bit worse.

I also fear that me not getting access to medical attention is going to eventually mean i won't be able to at all and that it will be too late.

I'm just such an extremely lonely person, and I guess that's making the fact that I have a trauma disorder worse. Lack of mental stimulation means there's nothing to keep the voice of "hyperarousal" (stupid name for it but that's the official one) away.

I have trouble playing games and watching movies because my life just is so empty so much of the time that they're not enough to sedate how rabid my brain gets. I can't focus on things.

I'm sure I'm thinking so much about these things because my friend will be gone for a whole month and all that.

I got a large dog helium balloon that is very nice that I want to try to photograph. I am staring at it and it helps me feel better.

I keep thinking of how my birth mom is trying really hard to coerce me back there but I know I won't be healthy because she puts things above my personhood and safety. But the desire for parental affection is really strong.

I think first thing I need to get my friend to help me with when he gets back is to finally put me back on some sort of medicine for my disorder because although things weren't perfect back in like 2015 things felt easier to manage. But I think that was also because more things were going on in my life too.

I think it's that I know I should be making the nost of the time I have left but I'm incapable of doing things by myself.

My brain keeps beobg drawn back to the 90s where I can pretend I had a better childhood with better parents and everything appeared as if it was so much more simpler back then.

I'm sorry I've latched onto beanie babies so tightly that's just the biggest manifestation of that. I need too get back into the swing of drawing HoD fan art and scanning my traditional commissions but I'm realizing that I crave physical stimuli in life. The beanies are physical toys with more textile variation than copies of the game or digital stimuli. Its why I latch onto stuffed Whisky so much.

I think something that would really help would be to fix up vintage toy dogs and get them collars and stuff like that. I feel the failure with the baking soda upset me a bit too much.

I hope everything goes back to normal. I wish I could be self sufficient.

Also world news is very dark and depressing, bad people in the world, fears about the future of the websites I use, friends disappearing, me having to use a computer that isnt the best, just a bunch of factors that I guess tire me out.

My one friend says I need a vacation. Just the ability to go to one of those bright beaches with lots of sand and sit on a chair and drink iced tea and then play in the shallow water for a bit. That sort of thing. Not have to worry about money or anything. Just running around on the beach and having fun. I'm actually scared of the ocean and dont go swimming very much because of my pain but the cliche vacation still sounds very appealing. Just like going to Disneyland or going to Europe does. I wish I wasn't so blegh that I could go to water parks and stuff but that is very situational and health permitting. As is playing in snow. I'd like to go camping too.

Anyways, have a ded Andy.

Idk I'm going to try to sleep now. It's very hot here.