#although holy hell i graduate soon and i have so much to doooo aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[tchaikovskym]

oh no the last post was meant to go on my main but since im here i guess i have to add something original to it:

the principles of biochemistry was more like the turning point, when getting my degree, i finally connected the dots between physical/chemical laws of nature to the messy reality of being alive. a lot of people don't like chemistry or the mechanisms behind the functions of life, but once you learn and understand them, it's like... getting a completely new perspective on things. you understand life. it is how it is. i'm sorry it's hard to explain. maybe if you read lehninnger principles of biochemistry you'd get what i'm saying.

howls moving castle book was such a comfort book. i guess being a young girl is equivalent of no one understanding you. but god the book got me. me and sophie were the same back then. it just. spoke to me deeply and i didn't feel so alone.

the grandmaster of demonic cultivation aka the founder of diabolism aka mdzs with live action adaptation the untamed. aka the chinese gays im posting about. anyway it was such an emotional story with all the elements to balance it out, with enough things left open and with enough things solved i just. mwuah. moreover, i felt seen once again. back in highschool i had to make a public speech and i chose to speak about scapegoating. and i really tried to do my best, the teacher understood my point, but my classmates did not get what i was trying to say. so i just gave up on this idea on explaining scapegoating and that maybe i was making it a bigger issue than it actually was. but man. mdzs book came and told me i was right all along.

in the search of the castaways i remember reading when i was a preteen and i think it was a nudge in the direction of me becoming... adventurous? (i am not im like the most boring person) but in a sense of i love the sea, im ready to travel whenever, i want to go out and explore. this book together with lord of the rings, and i think there were a bunch of other books i read about journeys and so on, that made me wonder and started in me the want to explore. moreover, the language in the books weren't easy, i remember googling the names of ship parts and so on, so it also encouraged me to start doing my own little research and understand things. so yeah, overall steered me into science i guess? and also the reason i wanted to be an ecologist in highschool? lol good thing i did not

winnie the pooh is the first book i remember reading. i was a pre-school kid and i lived with my grandma and my mom only came home on weekends. and when she came home we read winnie the pooh before going to sleep. she always read first, but then got tired and asked me to read it. so i did. and i think it's how i learned to follow along text, listen and understand what's going on. anyway there were also pippi longstockings, karlsson on the roof, ronja the robbers daughter, emil of lonneberga, moomin - those were all my early childhood books that... probably did more to me than i know