#although granted the age difference between me and the cousins that i actually met was either 5ish years or 40 years so

[fuyonggu]

Book of Jin 50: Biography of Cao Zhi

The son of the famous one.

曹志，字允恭，譙國譙人，魏陳思王植之孽子也。少好學，以才行稱，夷簡有大度，兼善騎射。植曰：「此保家主也。」立以為嗣。後改封濟北王。武帝為撫軍將軍，迎陳留王於鄴，志夜謁見，帝與語，自暮達旦，甚奇之。及帝受禪，降為鄄城縣公。詔曰：「昔在前世，雖曆運迭興，至於先代苗裔，傳祚不替，或列籓九服，式序王官。選眾命賢，惟德是與，蓋至公之道也。魏氏諸王公養德藏器，壅滯曠久，前雖有詔，當須簡授，而自頃眾職少缺，未得式敘。前濟北王曹志履德清純，才高行潔，好古博物，為魏宗英，朕甚嘉之。其以志為樂平太守。」志在郡上書，以為宜尊儒重道，請為博士置吏卒。遷章武、趙郡太守。雖累郡職，不以政事為意，晝則遊獵，夜誦《詩》《書》，以聲色自娛，當時見者未能審其量也。

Cao Zhi, styled Yungong, was a native of Qiao county in the Qiao princely fief. He was the son of Cao-Wei's Prince of Chen, Cao Zhi, by a concubine. But even as a youth, this Cao Zhi was fond of studying; he was commended for his talent and conduct, and he had a refined and simple nature with great potential. He was also skilled at mounted archery. The elder Cao Zhi remarked, "He is the one who will preserve our family." And he selected Cao Zhi to be his heir. His title was later changed to Prince of Jibei.

During the time that Sima Yan was serving as Cao-Wei's General Who Nurtures The Army, he welcomed the Prince of Chenliu (presumably Cao Huan) at Ye (in order to escort him to Luoyang to succeed Cao Mao). At that time, the younger Cao Zhi came to visit Sima Yan during the night, and they remained talking from dusk until dawn, so taken was Sima Yan by him.

After Sima Yan accepted the abdication of Cao-Wei (and Cao Zhi was thus no longer a member of the royal family), Cao Zhi's title was demoted to Duke of Juancheng county.

Sima Yan issued an edict stating, "Although in past ages power has shifted between dynasties, such that the chief royal line did not always successfully pass its mandate from ancestor to descendant, still there were always those stationed on the borders and in the nine regions who were worthy in their capacity as princes. And when choosing people to employ and commanding the worthy, virtue is the only real standard that should be considered; this is the natural way of things. 

"Now there were several princes and nobles among the royal family of Wei who have cultivated virtue and nurtured potential, yet have never been given a chance to express it, wasting away in obscurity. I have issued edicts in the past ordering that such people ought to have been granted ranks and rewards, yet until now few of them have actually been given offices. This is not setting the proper example. 

"The former Prince of Jibei, Cao Zhi, has trod the path of virtue, purity, and honesty; his talents are great, his conduct exceptional. He is most fond of ancient learning. He was a hero of the imperial clan of Wei, and I deeply praise him. Thus he is hereby appointed as Administrator of Leping."

After having taken up his post in the commandary, Cao Zhi sent a letter to the court stating that, in order for them to honor scholarship and show due appreciation for propriety, they should appoint clerks and attendants on behalf of the Academicians. From Leping, he was successively transferred to be Administrator first of Zhangwu and then of Zhao commandary. But during his time in these posts, he never cared for his administrative duties. He would spend the days in wandering and hunting, and the nights in reciting the Book of Poetry or Book of Documents, and he amused himself with sensual pleasures. No one who witnessed his conduct during this time realized his true potential.

咸甯初，詔曰：「鄄城公曹志，篤行履素，達學通識，宜在儒林，以弘胄子之教。其以志為散騎常侍、國子博士。」帝嘗閱《六代論》，問志曰：「是卿先王所作邪？」志對曰：「先王有手所作目錄，請歸尋按。」還奏曰：「按錄無此。」帝曰：「誰作？」志曰：「以臣所聞，是臣族父冏所作。以先王文高名著，欲令書傳於後，是以假託。」帝曰：「古來亦多有是。」顧謂��卿曰：「父子證明，足以為審。自今已後，可無復疑。」

At the beginning of the Xianning reign era (~275), Sima Yan issued an edict stating, "The Duke of Juancheng, Cao Zhi, has been sincere in conduct and trod a blameless path, and he is skilled at learning and most educated. He ought to join the ranks of the 'forest of scholars', in order to promote the education of the youth. Thus I hereby appoint him as a Cavalier In Regular Attendance and Academician for the National Youth."

On one occasion, having read the Discourse on the Six Dynasties*, Sima Yan asked Cao Zhi, "Did your late father compose this work?" 

Cao Zhi replied, "My father kept a handwritten list of all the works he made. Allow me to go and consult it." Having returned, Cao Zhi said, "According to the list, it is not one of his works." 

Sima Yan asked, "Then who wrote it?" 

Cao Zhi replied, "From what I have heard, it was written by an elder kinsman of my family, Cao Jiong. He merely borrowed my father's name for the work because of my father's great reputation, hoping to thereby preserve it for future appreciation." 

Sima Yan said, "Such has often been the practice, ever since ancient times." Then he turned to the nobles and chief ministers and said, "You see how father and son have cleared up the whole matter. From now on, let there be no further doubt."

*This was an essay on the six dynasties that had existed up until the time of Cao-Wei (Xia, Shang/Yin, Zhou, Qin, Han, Cao-Wei). The main argument of the essay was the critical importance of granting fiefs to members of the royal family in order to ensure their support for the dynasty.

後遷祭酒。齊王攸將之國，下太常議崇錫文物。時博士秦秀等以為齊王宜內匡朝政，不可之籓。志又常恨其父不得志于魏，因愴然歎曰：「安有如此之才，如此之親，不得樹本助化，而遠出海隅？晉朝之隆，其殆乎哉！」乃奏議曰：「伏聞大司馬齊王當出籓東夏，備物盡禮，同之二伯。今陛下為聖君，稷、契為賢臣，內有魯、衛之親，外有齊、晉之輔，坐而守安，此萬世之基也。古之夾輔王室，同姓則周公其人也，異姓則太公其人也，皆身在內，五世反葬。後雖有五霸代興，桓、文譎主，下有請隧之僭，上有九錫之禮，終於譎而不正，驗於尾大不掉，豈與召公之歌《棠棣》，周��之詠《鴟鴞》同日論哉！今聖朝創業之始，始之不諒，後事難工。幹植不強，枝葉不茂；骨骾不存，皮膚不充。自羲皇以來，豈是一姓之獨有！欲結其心者，當有磐石之固。夫欲享萬世之利者，當與天下議之。故天之聰明，自我人之聰明。秦、魏欲獨擅其威，而財得沒其身；周、漢能分其利，而親疏為之用。此自聖主之深慮，日月之所照。事雖淺，當深謀之；言雖輕，當重思之。志備位儒官，若言不及禮，是志寇竊。知忠不言，議所不敢。志以為當如博士等議。」

Cao Zhi was later transferred to be a Libationer.

When the Prince of Qi, Sima You, was about to go out to his fief, Sima Yan sent the Minister of Ceremonies to lead a discussion of how best to draw up the necessary edict in lofty terms. But at that time, many of the Academicians, Qin Xiu and others, believed that Sima You ought to remain in the capital to help rectify the court and the government, and that he could not be sent away to the border. And Cao Zhi too often thought with regret of how his father had likewise been denied his ambitions during the time of Cao-Wei. He sighed sorrowfully and said, "How can it be that a man with such talent and such closeness to the royal family not be allowed to provide aid and shape to the trunk of the state's tree, and is instead sent away to the ends of the sea! The rise of the Jin court is nearly at an end!" 

And Cao Zhi submitted a petition stating, "I have heard that the Grand Marshal and Prince of Qi is about to go out to serve on the border in the east; the ceremonies are all prepared, such that he and yourself will be like the Two Lords. But Your Majesty is a wise sovereign, and you have ministers as worthy as Houji and Qi; within, you have subjects as loyal as the states of Lu and Wey to support you, and without, you have ministers like Duke Huan of Qi and Duke Wen of Jin to assist you. You may sit in perfect tranquility, enjoying a foundation to last ten thousand generations.

"In ancient times, of those who provided close personal aid to the royal family, there were those of the same surname as the royal clan, like the Duke of Zhou, and there were those of differing surnames, like the Grand Duke (Jiang Ziya). They all lived themselves at court, and for five generations their bodies were brought back to be buried at Zhou. But afterwards, although the Five Hegemons were nominally the supporters of the dynasty, Duke Huan of Qi and Duke Wen of Jin cheated their sovereigns. Below, they sought to claim further titles, and above, they demanded the honors of the Nine Bestowments. In the end, they demanded what was improper, and it was like a beast with a tail so large that it cannot be lifted. How could such an age compare to when the Dukes of Zhou and Shao ruled at the same time and discussed affairs, when the Duke of Shao sang of the 'Cherry Tree' and the Duke of Zhou of the 'Owl'? 

"Now the dynasty has only just begun its new endeavor. A lack of magnanimity at the start of such things shall lead to difficult work later on. For when the trunk is not sturdy, the leaves will not be luxurious; when the bones are brittle, the skin will not be healthy. And of all the sovereigns since Fuxi, how could any of their families have ruled alone?

"It is through binding the hearts of all together that the state gains a foundation as sturdy as stone. And one who wishes to enjoy ten thousand years of prosperity must make it their business to discuss the affairs of state with all the realm. It is thus that the wisdom and intelligence of Heaven comes from the wisdom and intelligence of us all. This was why the Qin and Wei dynasties, in seeking to monopolize all power to themselves, did not long outlive their own founders, while the Zhou and Han dynasties, who found uses for and shared blessings with those both close to and distant from their royal families, lasted long. A wise sovereign would thus deeply reflect upon such things, and realize their relevance in our own times.

"This affair may be shallow, but still it requires deep planning; my words may be light, but still they merit great consideration. I am merely a scholar-official, and where I have spoken out of turn, it comes from my impudence. Even so, I have loyal words to offer, and in such a discussion I dare not hold them back. I believe that the rest of the Court Academicians believe the same as I do." 

議成當上，見其從弟高邑公嘉。嘉曰：「兄議甚切，百年之後必書晉史，目下將見責邪。」帝覽議，大怒曰：「曹志尚不明吾心，況四海乎！」以議者不指答所問，橫造異論，策免太常鄭默。於是有司奏收志等結罪，詔惟免志官，以公還第，其餘皆付廷尉。

When Cao Zhi had finished his remarks and was about to submit them, he first met with the Duke of Gaoyi, his cousin Cao Jia. Cao Jia told him, "Cousin, your remarks are especially harsh. A hundred years from now, you will surely be recorded as a fine official of the Jin dynasty. But as for our own time, I'm afraid you'll only be reproached." 

Indeed, when Sima Yan read the remarks, he was enraged, and he said, "Cao Zhi does not even understand my own beliefs, much less those of all within the Four Seas!" 

Sima Yan felt that the Court Academicians had not answered what was asked of them, and they had conducted a perverse and unsought discussion. He ordered the officials to have the Minister of Ceremonies, Zheng Mo, stripped of office. The officials then submitted a petition asking to have Cao Zhi and the others arrested and charged with crimes. But Sima Yan only issued an edict stripping Cao Zhi of office and exiling him to his ducal manor. The other Court Academicians were all handed over to the Minister of Justice.

頃之，志復為散騎常侍。遭母憂，居喪過禮，因此篤病，喜怒失常。九年卒，太常奏以惡諡。崔褒歎曰：「魏顆不從亂，以病為亂故也。今諡曹志而諡其病，豈謂其病不為亂乎！」於是諡為定。

Sometime later, Cao Zhi was reappointed as a Cavalier In Regular Attendance.

When Cao Zhi's mother passed away and he lived at home in mourning for her, he went beyond the usual morning rites and thus developed a heavy illness. Due to this, he had several episodes both of mania and of rage. Thus when, in the ninth year (of Taikang, 288), he passed away, the Minister of Ceremonies submitted a petition asking that Cao Zhi be granted a poor posthumous name. But Cui Bao lamented, "In ancient times, Wei Ke was praised for ignoring the final wishes of his father, and that was because his father was not in his right mind at the end of his life. So too with Cao Zhi; he was not in his right mind. Yet you would accord him a poor posthumous name on account of that?" So Cao Zhi was granted the posthumous name Ding ("the Firm").

[fuckyeslilkim]

Throwback Interview: The Mask Of Lil’ Kim

In a nondescript warehouse in Manhattan's Chelsea district, the rapper Lil' Kim is being primed for yet another fashion shoot. The theme of the day is baby-doll innocence, and the 4-foot-11 celebrity is appropriately undressed in a sheer blue and pink negligee and high-heeled sandals. With the final touches of turquoise eye shadow, pink lips and, of course, her trademark blond wig and blue contact lenses in place, the picture is complete. Sex symbol. Feminist icon. Freak mama.

Change the circumstances only slightly and you could imagine a porn shoot happening in this warehouse. The final products--the photographs that will sell Kim's raunchy lyrics and persona to the world--often come close to that. A full-page advertisement for her new album, "The Notorious K.I.M.," shows the star in the back seat of a limousine, naked except for black spike-heel boots and a safari-style hat. It's like the kind of pinup men find useful in prison cells and toilets.

But nobody seems bothered by the actual work of this shoot--least of all Kim, who patiently strips down. Quite the contrary: She considers herself a good role model--an empowered, independent woman in the highly misogynistic world of rap. Her fans include many young women who find in her an enviable example of personal strength.

To cash in on the marketing moment, corporate America has come running, showering her with endorsement offers--from Candie's shoes to Viva Glam lipstick. She earns cover treatments from mainstream and edgy magazines alike: The Source, XXXL, Vibe, Vogue, Harper's Bazaar, Jet, Interview (on which she appeared wearing nothing but head-to-toe Louis Vuitton body tattoos). And now, Atlantic Records has provided the 25-year-old with her own label, Queen Bee.

From the moment she was discovered by rapper Christopher Wallace (a k a Notorious B.I.G., a k a Biggie Smalls) as a round-the-way girl roaming the streets of Brooklyn's Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood, Kimberly Jones has set new standards for female rappers. Her 1996 solo debut, "Hardcore," made the highest-ever debut on the Billboard charts for a female rap artist. An unparalleled fusion of hip-hop and pornography, the album opens with a scene in which we hear a fan buy a ticket to a triple-X flick, and then loudly pleasure himself while watching Kim onscreen.

At last year's MTV Music Awards, her outfit spawned a media frenzy fueled by the shocked response of presenter Diana Ross, who reached out and jiggled Kim's exposed breast on national television. (Ross later offered a public apology, noting that she thought Kim "was beautiful and . . . didn't need to dress in that manner.") The incident solidified Kim's image of sexual fearlessness--and her career as a fashion trendsetter.

We've seen so much of her, and yet nothing at all. Who is Lil' Kim, really?

Talking to her, you're taken by any number of contradictions. She considers herself a devoted child of God, for example. "I'm not perfect," she explains. "I mess up. I'm not Miss Sanctified, but I believe in my Father. We have a really good relationship."

She has allowed powerful men to shape and exploit her sexpot image, but touts her own brand of feminism. "If you look at me, no man has really given me anything," she contends. "I got my own money."

She raps about the joys of fellatio, but likens herself to Queen Elizabeth, the so-called Virgin Queen of England. ("I watch that movie over and over again," she says.) Like Elizabeth, she has had an unhappy love life. "I had a lot of guys betray me," Kim says, "and she reminds me of myself because, toward the end, she really wanted a man. She was lonely. She didn't wanna be this strong woman that everybody portrayed her to be, but she had to be."

On one point the star is adamant: Lil' Kim is not Kimberly Jones.

Except: "Most of the things that I talk about [in my lyrics], yeah, they're true." In the song "Hold On," for example, "I talk about the pain of being pregnant and having an abortion."

"I talk about the things that women have gone through that they don't think I've gone through," she says. "Like fightin' with your man or losin' a man to death. Being alone. I talk about just bein' in the streets having no money and having to do illegal things to get the money."

All of which happened, too.

So, after one spends many hours with both Lil' Kim the rapper and Kimberly Jones the woman, the similarities between the two become as apparent as the differences. "We wear the mask that grins and lies," wrote Paul Laurence Dunbar, "with torn and bleeding hearts we smile."

It is not easy to remove the mask of Lil' Kim, which she wears as a brilliant defense against full disclosure. She doesn't want to show us all of the damage that lies underneath. Like many other black women, she has become so good at conjuring the mask--signifying at a moment's notice, for hire--that we no longer know where it ends. Or where Kimberly Jones begins.

In the June issue of Vibe magazine, there is a photograph of young Kim dressed in a neat school uniform: plaid dress, white blouse, knee socks. She is brown-skinned, with brown eyes and nappy hair, neatly pulled into a bun. She sits like a proper schoolgirl with her hands folded in her lap and legs crossed at the ankles, smiling and polite.

But inside, she feels ugly. She thinks of herself as too dark and too short. She has just moved to an all-white neighborhood in suburban New Rochelle, N.Y., where little blond girls tease her and confirm her monstrosity.

Her mother, Ruby Mae Jones, brought her to live there, at age 8, fleeing the ruins of a marriage. But Kim wants to go back to Brooklyn. She wants to go home, to her old neighborhood where little girls look like her. Even if it means going back to the home of her father, Linwood Jones, a former military man who enforced a brutal discipline on wife and children.

"There was a great deal of verbal abuse," she recalls. "And there was times . . . when my mother had black eyes. My father told people she had fallen."

Linwood Jones could not be reached for comment, and there is no record of his having spoken publicly about his daughter's career or her allegations of physical abuse. According to Kim, he did comment privately on her overtly sexual image, asking that she "tone it down."

After her parents' separation in 1983, Kim's life became increasingly unstable. At first she and older brother Christopher stayed with their mother, who relied on the kindness of friends for shelter--including the time spent in New Rochelle. But when options ran out, Ruby Mae Jones granted custody of her children to her husband.

"I was basically living out of the trunk of my car," Kim's mother explains over a posh dinner in a New York restaurant--a contrast made all the more striking by her fur coat and her gold-and-diamond-spangled hands. "And I didn't feel it was appropriate for [the children]. So I let Kim go to live with her father."

When he was away--sometimes for weeks, for reserve duty--the children were deposited with an aunt who was raising several sons of her own. "I grew up around . . . maybe eight guys in my family," says Kim. "I stayed with my cousins when my father went away. They lived in the projects."

"Kim had no sisters," adds Ruby Mae Jones. "She was surrounded by boys all the time. But she had such a strong personality, I never had to worry about her taking care of herself. I knew that she would be able to do that. From when she was like 2."

Despite the frequent absences, father and daughter remained on good terms during Kim's prepubescent years.

"We were very close," she recalls, "until I was about 13." Which is when Kim committed an egregious offense in her father's eyes: She liked a boy and agreed to be his girlfriend. Although the circumstances seemed innocent enough by Kim's account--the boy was 15, a schoolmate--Linwood Jones was outraged. Kim says he called her a bitch and a whore, "just like your mother."

The words had a devastating effect. "If he hadn't said what he said to me," speculates Kim, allowing the idea to play in her head for a moment, "I probably would have stayed a virgin until I was 21. But after that I rebelled."

Fights between father and daughter became more frequent--and violent, she says. On at least one occasion, Kim remembers, her morning wake-up call was a fist crashing into her face. At the age of 14, she packed a bag and hit the streets, wandering in and out of neighbors' homes. Lil' Kim has often described her life during those years as a procession of doing "whatever I had to do to survive."

She peddled drugs for boyfriends. Worked odd jobs in department stores. And had sex with the men who housed and fed her. By the time she met up-and-coming rapper Biggie Smalls at the age of 17, Kim was, by her own admission, desperately in need of protection.

Biggie, who at age 19 was a 6-foot-3, 300-pound drug dealer who had already done nine months in jail, signed on for the job--bringing Kim into the fold of what everyone called the "B.I.G. family." There was Sean "Puffy" Combs, who had been working day and night to launch Biggie on his emerging label, Bad Boy Entertainment; Mary J. Blige, whose success as an R&B artist had also been strongly influenced by Puffy's hand; Damion "D-Roc" Butler, Biggie's friend and security guard; and "the boys"--James "Lil' Caesar" Lloyd, Antoine "Banga" Spain, and Money-L, who would later become members of Junior M.A.F.I.A. (Masters at Finding Intelligent Attitudes), a rap group Biggie hoped to launch on the momentum of his own success.

"She came from the streets," says 22-year-old Spain, who lives today, along with several of the other "boys," in Kim's New Jersey mansion. "I could relate to her 'cause my mom sent me to the city when I was, like, 13."

It was at Wallace's behest that Kimberly Jones assumed the role of Lil' Kim--a vulgar-mouthed emblem of what had been dubbed "porno rap." Following Biggie's lead, the young protege exploded onto the hip-hop scene as the lone female member of Junior M.A.F.I.A. at the age of 20.

Almost immediately, Kim became the showcase of the act. They were like "peanut butter and jelly," says Voletta Wallace, Biggie's mother. "Kim and Christopher were the same voice."

And that voice was determined to push the limits of gangsta rap, a genre whose biggest selling points were unabashed violence and uncensored sex.

By the mid-1990s Biggie Smalls and his crew were at the top of their game. Biggie's second album, "Life After Death," would eventually sell eight times platinum, and with the release of her 1995 solo debut, "Hardcore," Kim arrived in her own right. But the good times were not to last. Kim loved Biggie and hoped to be his wife, but he married and then quickly separated from R&B artist Faith Evans (who would also become the mother of his son, Christopher). There were rumors that Evans had been having an affair with rapper and longtime Biggie rival Tupac Shakur. One Biggie music video co-starred Kim as the defiant and loyal mistress.

Amid the lovers' quarrels and sexual betrayals, tragedy struck in the early hours of March 9, 1997. Following a Soul Train Music Awards party in Los Angeles, a still-unknown killer approached the passenger side of Biggie's GMC Suburban and unloaded seven rounds into the rapper's head and body at close range. Both Lil' Caesar and Damion Butler were unharmed as they ducked down in the back seat. Puffy, who was driving his own Suburban in front of the target vehicle, rushed to Biggie's side reciting psalms. But Christopher Wallace was dead at age 24.

Since the loss of her mentor, Kim's allegiance has remained eerily well preserved. In the immediate aftermath, she and the Junior M.A.F.I.A. boys stayed in Big's New Jersey condominium--where, according to Kim, she shared her slain lover's bedroom with her would-be mother-in-law, Voletta Wallace, and T'yanna, Biggie's daughter from a previous relationship.

In an article for People magazine, a mourning Kim posed for the camera draped in Biggie's shirt, coat and hat. Even today, more than three years after his death, she often refers to her "big poppa" in conversation and lyrics, and even credits the rapper as a posthumous producer on her new album. The bond seems unhealthy, as even Kim's friend Blige noted in an interview: a "kind of co-dependency with someone who just isn't here anymore."

It took Kim four years to release her second album, which had been held up due to conflicts with her label, the theft of material by bootleggers and her own creative process. Meanwhile, Kim's marketing machine hummed along, patiently building her image despite a lack of new releases.

"She's brilliant," says Michael Elliot, president of Source Entertainment. "I mean, here's a woman who [hadn't] had an album out in years and she's a presenter at award shows, and a successful model. She's found a way to market herself and, at the end of the day, she's a businesswoman."

"I think she's a feminist in a funny sort of way," says John Dempsey, president of MAC cosmetics, one of many packagers that hold up the Kim image as a bold new form of sexual expression. "She speaks like a man would speak."

Her fans agree. "She doesn't care what anybody has to say," says 19-year-old Teena Marie Schexnayder, a Los Angeles psychology student and aspiring singer. "She's a bad girl . . . doing whatever she has to do to survive. She's deep. I love the stuff she talks about."

While '80s female rappers like Queen Latifah and MC Lyte embraced "womanist" images, combining ancestral and gender consciousness, Kim provides a very different social commentary for young black women and men. The message behind Lil' Kim is, in fact, heartbreakingly feeble.

Sex, she believes, is a commodity. It is a way for a woman to earn money--and, in her view, respect. She learned that lesson on the streets. As for the women selling their bodies, "I don't see anything wrong with that."

"Money is power," says Kim, and "a lot of women out there are just givin' it away." Kim aims to change that. As she raps in her new single "Diamonds" (sung to the tune of Diana Ross's "I Want Muscle"):

"She says she wants a man / To buy her a Lexus Land/ Well that's all right for her / Still it ain't enough for me / I don't care if he's young or old / Just make him very rich / I want diamonds / This p---- ain't for free."

Is this really feminism?

"I'm a feminist because I love women," she ventures, graciously asking her interviewer to correct her if she misunderstands the term. "And I feel like, in this rapping game, men have been bashing women for years. But some women overemphasize that feminism word. And some of them are very male-bashing. I'm not a male basher."

In her collection of images titled "Women," photographer Annie Leibovitz captures something of the inner sorrow of Kimberly Jones, a black girl who covets blue eyes and blond hair. Juxtaposed with the image of a gloriously dreadlocked Toni Morrison, who is seen looking into a wide expanse of clouds and possibility, Kim appears small and helpless against a wall of color that threatens to engulf her--her nipples visible beneath a trashy net T-shirt. In this image, we see more of Kimberly Jones than Lil' Kim: the real woman who has masked private suffering as public defiance.

"She's just like every little abused girl that I knew growing up," asserts Asha Bandele, a poet, author and critic who is attuned to hip-hop culture. "I do not believe that Kim is in control of her image because there's nothing powerful about it, nothing rounded, nothing human. It's a caricature. Just like when you see a male presenting himself as only a gangsta. . . . We're so much more complicated than that."

But if it is icon status we're shooting for, Kimberly Jones is the real deal. Closer in spirit to Monroe than Madonna, she is a genuine enigma, which is precisely why she intrigues us. The same little girl who remembers jumping into the middle of a fight between her father and older brother (taking a chair across her stomach in the process) became the grown-up Lil' Kim, who prefers "big poppa" lovers because daddies "don't let nothin' happen to their baby girl."

"Kim needs to ask herself what she's selling," says Voletta Wallace in her Jamaican-accented, no-nonsense way. "When my son was here, that's all you would hear: Kim and Christopher [saying], 'Sex sells, sex sells.'

"But . . . when you look at Kim, the strength is there. The beauty is there. The talent is there. And she needs to let [the world] know . . . they need to see a human being. She needs to find her inner self and see what she has to offer."

At the Gazelle Beauty Center and Day Spa in Manhattan, I have requested a private room in which to interview Kim. I am trying to get closer to the real woman, to get behind the mask. But it is a busy day and there are constant interruptions from other clients (who include guests on "The Montel Williams Show"). Nevertheless, Kim and I enjoy a lunch of Caesar salads, as well as joint manicures, pedicures, massages and facials.

We are two sisters drinking herbal tea now, and Kim is relaxed, makeup-less and wearing a cozy white robe and paper slippers.

Unanswered questions have been nagging at me. Kim is like so many other women, it seems to me, who have grown up with trauma. And yet there is no talk of the long-term effects. I decide to put the question of sexual abuse to her plainly. She tells me that yes, something did happen in the home of a relative when she was a girl, but she doesn't want to get into the details. She has never talked about this before. She doesn't want to dwell on the pain. I am saddened by her admission, and the fact that so many years later, she is still so clearly devastated.

And I am saddened that even here, in a place for relaxation and nurturing, she is unable to divest herself, even for a few hours, of the blue contact lenses and blond wig.

"Think about it," she confesses when I ask her to talk about her experience of skin color. "The girls that [men] dated when I was younger were light-skinned and tall. I'm short and brown-skinned. And I always wondered . . . how do I fit in?"

Did she ever overcome the feeling of being ugly?

"I really haven't," she admits. "Honestly, though, I think being Lil' Kim the rapper helped me deal with it better. Because I got to dress up in expensive clothes, and I got to look like a movie star or whatever. I think doing photo shoots and seeing all the people respond to me has helped. [But] I still don't see what they see."

can't help but think of Kim as standing on a precipice, making a great leap toward transformation. In recent years, she has expressed a desire to tone down the raunch and express more of "who I really am." There are rumors that she was wary about spreading her legs for the photo shoot for "Hardcore," and she herself has said she would have rather done four sexual songs instead of seven. "You get tired of certain images," she explains.

So what's stopping Lil' Kim from showing us more of Kimberly Jones? "It's hard," she says. "Because in our world, the rap world, you have this thing called selling out. You don't want people who liked you for doing a certain thing on your first album to not like you for not doing it on the second album. So I have to stay in that realm."

Yes, there are market forces pushing her to stay in the same place, but the market is also a fickle lover and people tire of what is too easy to predict. "Notorious K.I.M." started out at No. 4 on the Billboard album chart, but has slipped to No. 35.

"How much more of her body can she show?" asks Ramon Hervey, manager for R&B artist Kenny "Babyface" Edmonds. "From Madonna to Prince, everybody has to re-create themselves at some point."

"I see the strength in her," Mary J. Blige says of her friend. "All she's gotta do is let go of the fear."

Source: The Washington Post

[aparecium-hq]

Welcome to Aparecium, Ash! You have been accepted for James Potter with your planned faceclaim. We love that you created a complex version of James and really leaned into his strengths and weaknesses, as well as the way they influence each other. We’re excited to have you! Check out the new member checklist, and jump right in. 

Character Basics

Birthday (Age): 1, September 2004 - twenty-three

Gender (Pronouns): he/him

Sexuality: pansexual 

Blood Status: halfbood

Hogwarts House/School: Gryffindor

Occupation: Beater for the Caerphilly Catapults 

Faceclaim: Jordan Fisher

Any requested changes? 

Biography: 

After his birth, James’s name had managed to take up full pages on every major paper, officially marking the start of the difference between James S. Potter, and little Jamie. As Harry Potter’s first born, attention had been on him since the moment the public caught attention his mother was pregnant and never seemed to leave him alone since. As a child he had been terribly shy, most of his time was spent clung to either Harry or Ginny’s leg, especially around people who he didn’t seem to know all that well. He liked to play with his friends he was already comfortable with, or the massive amount of cousins he had and he struggled for a while to reach outside that carefully built comfort zone. Those who meet him now would never expect to see his more introverted side; likely because he was only eleven when the weight of his name finally came to light, forcing an entirely new persona onto the newly sorted Gryffindor. The difficult part was living up to the name of two people who he had never met, but he had heard enough stories from various people over the years that any action that seemed to get the approval of those around him just became part of his personality. Some called him a follower, James preferred to say he was one to go with the flow. Either way he had three larger than life names to live up to, and he was determined to do so with a smile on his face, missing teeth and all. 

Starting Hogwarts James had quickly been deemed a problem child, the student who was constantly speaking over his teachers and had consistently fallen to the bottom of his class. At first he thought things would simply work themselves out, the oldest members of the Hogwarts staff telling him his namesakes weren’t ones for paying attention to lectures either and they were both bright as could be. Things will come together for him too. And as they got further along in classes, things had gotten easier. He picked electives that involved a lot more practical work, which had been an area James seemed to excel in. More lessons that involved trial and error and allowed for tactile learning. Things had gotten easier, but that didn’t mean every problem had been fixed overnight. His exams were coming back with an Acceptable to Poor average, and he’d go off on tangents in the middle of his essays. Classes with more wand work and practical portions tended to even out his grades enough but by third year he had learned to shrug it off, deal with the fact that he was just the stupid Potter sibling and put his effort into his new position as Gryffindor’s beater. 

While James and Forrest were a double act taking up the majority of James’s free time, the endless number of relatives and their friends along with the rest of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, left James to appear quite the social butterfly. Henrietta was by his side, leaving James feeling invincible and the adults around him convinced he was more like James his namesake than you saw at first glance. He was a pro at keeping up with his slightly larger comfort zone, pressing a now straight smile across his face and waving off whispers of how he’s only where he is because he’s Harry Potter’s son or because he’s good on a broomstick.

He came out of his OWLs with four passing grades, three high enough to continue the course which really did little to help the ‘dumb quidditch player’ stereotype he picked up over his time in school, but again he just went with it. Sure, he didn’t get along swimmingly with a good portion of Ravenclaw, and the look on his mother’s face when she asked to read his scores still keeps him up some nights, but then attached had been the note that he had been made Quidditch Captain. He didn’t need to be smart as long as he kept playing as well as he was, all he wanted to do was play professionally, and he really thought he could get there. 

The beginning James’s seventh year everything fell into place when a recruiter for the Chudley Cannons sat down with him and his parents to discuss him leaving school early to sub for a player next season. His parent’s reluctance however, was clear, and not necessarily met with understanding at the time, although now James is very much glad he listened to their advice (i.e. their forcing him to finish his schooling). It made no sense to drop out of school for a career that would only last him a few months, even if it was his dream. Then Puddlemere offered him a three year contract after he finished his NEWTs, and while his Uncle Ron still seemed bummed he never played for the Cannons, James had an amazing few years on the team before recently being traded to the Catapults. 

PERSONALITY

+ Protective: Not everyone is granted access to see this particular side of James, however those he feels closest to, especially his family, can definitely attest to his protective side. He’s the one who stands a bit closer to you when a situation makes you uncomfortable or isn’t afraid to throw a hex at someone who needs it.

+ Paternal: He’s never been sure if it’s simply a trait of all eldest children or if it’s a character trait of his own but he is always the one looking out for the people around him. He doesn’t always pay attention to his own needs but he’s the first one to notice if someone around him has skipped a meal or sit up with a friend until they’ve fallen asleep. What frightens him the most is how much like his mum he tends to look when he gets into a lecture. 

+ Loving: Showing how much he cares about the people in his life has never been an issue for James. While some shy away from the more gushy gestures, he’s never been afraid to snuggle up to his friends and family, or tell someone how much they mean to him. 

- Unmerciful: For the most part James is a sweetheart. However, once you’ve gotten on his bad side he will stop at nothing to make sure you know it. He doesn’t give up, and has gotten in a fair amount of trouble in his teen years for his relentless temper.

- Impatient: When James wants something, he wants it now. Not just in the means of struggling to wait his turn or be told he’ll get something later (although that’s difficult for him as well) but working towards a goal is a struggle for him. He tends to give up quickly without immediate results which makes it difficult to succeed. 

- Quarrelsome: Even years after graduating James is petitioning for Hogwarts to get a debate team. He isn’t sure what it is, but he’s always had a need to get in the last word and is very much unable to let things go. He’s an instigator, constantly looking to squabble and while he’s gotten better at not picking fights for the sake of it, he will go on endlessly if someone expresses an opposing opinion to his own.

Character Questionnaire

How does your character feel about their family?

Nothing is more important, even if that family isn’t always blood. Out of all the similarities people try to force on me and my late grandfather, this is probably the one from what I know that we really do share quite strongly. Although I think I get it more from my dad than anyone else. It’s the hardest part about moving to Wales I think, the fact that I don’t get to see any of them as often as I’m used to. Growing up in such a big family, I think I clung to them a bit more than most of my friends, and perhaps I’m a tad too overprotective of the littler ones, but I don’t mind it. 

How would your character describe their own work ethic? Is that an accurate measure of themself?

People tell me I’m too hard on myself… I don’t really think that’s true, honestly I really can be quite lazy. Although when it comes to Quidditch I work myself a little too much, perhaps now that it’s my career that’s all that really matters but would you call someone who only received three OWLs hard working? Perhaps I only have any real work ethic when it comes to something I actually want, Mum says I like to self-sabotage when I think I won’t do well. It would make sense why I never tried all that hard in school but spend hours on the pitch. 

How would a stranger who has just met your character describe them?

They typically immediately look for ways I’m like my dad. Or mum, or the first James Potter or Sirius Black and cling to any similarities between us until I’m some mishmash of my parents and people who died long before I was even born. More recently I’ve been that beater who just got traded to the Wasps. I’m young but had a good last season, or I should have been moved down for that muggleborn Matthew Copper who only just graduated but can fly circles around me. I’m shorter than they thought I’d be, and quieter. No matter how hard I try someone always says I’m standoffish because no matter how hard I try around fans, people swarm and I get awkward because I’ve hung out with the same five people my entire life and I’ve spent little time before graduating Hogwarts having to speak for myself.  

And it doesn’t matter how hard I worked to get here, my failures are pretty public knowledge and even if I think I’m pretty good at what I do people will always tell me I only made the team in the first place because Mum has connections from her days on the Harpies. I’m nothing more than Harry and Ginny Potter’s kid, I’d kind of like to be more than that though. It’s true though isn’t it? They’re the only reason anyone pays any attention to me in the first place. Perhaps I’m good enough to be where I am on my own, but I’m not better than all the other people who worked so much harder than me whose last name isn’t Potter. 

A stranger who just met me would likely say I’m nothing special and they’re right. Anything praising me is only for my family, not me. 

Para Sample

James had only moved from his little flat in Diagon Alley three months ago, but already after his first trip back to London he realized just how much he missed the city. He’d decided to take a portkey to the Leaky Caldron rather than the floo, having learned better the first time he visited a couple months ago and wound up missing practice as his mother forced him to eat before leaving. Merlin knows she knew exactly just how hard he would be punished for it, perhaps she was trying to punish him for moving so far away. She hadn’t seemed to even get over the fact he no longer lived at home with her to begin with. 

He was going to stop home later that night, the only thing more terrifying than losing his job over missed practice was either of his parents learning he was in town without stopping to say hello. But he wanted a few hours to sneak into his favorite local places before he told anyone he was here. Turning the corner into Muggle London James popped into his favorite coffee shop during the year he lived here and looked around, hoping any of the regular baristas that would serve him were on and remembered him. His teammates found that amusing, the way he always introduced himself as if the person they were with had no clue who he was, but not everyone was into sports. Or war history. Although people have started recognizing him more by face than by name as of late, but that always made him more unsure of how to respond than people thinking they know him because they know his last name. It was easier to give proper introductions, not to mention more polite. Luckily a young witch who lived in his building seemed to be behind the register, calling out loudly across the small shop once she recognized him and causing James to laugh as he joined the small line of people gathered. 

“I’m not telling anyone I’m home so shush.” he shook his head, grinning widely. “But what time do you get off? I’ll get this for here and wait, I have to be in bed early but we need to catch up.”

[randomthingsthatilike1]

Was talking with @tomas-abe​ about this--have you ever thought of a supergirl leverage au?

Honestly, I’ve talked so much about how Kara isn’t a horrible liar—she’s a phenomenal liar. She makes everyone think she’s a bumbling, harmless, ordinary, average human—her kindness isn’t a lie, but as we’ve seen with RedK—it is a choice. And we’ve seen her with Clark— “you really have the clumsy thing down.” But for Clark that was real. For Kara, it’s an act. She’s the heir to a house renowned throughout the galaxy for its scientists—and she was about to become the youngest person in Krypton’s history to enter the science guild. But she was told over and over and over to be ordinary, average, unremarkable—to hide herself, hide anything that marks her as alien. She’s a genius in a room full of preschoolers who are just now learning concepts that she’s understood since before she could walk—of course she’s bored with earth science.

Supergirl isn’t a lie, but it’s not quite the truth either—and neither is Kara Danvers. Both are part of her, but at the same time they’re both personas that she embodies and can step into almost at the drop of a hat—they are constructed and built. And yes, when outright confronted, she is a horrible bluff—she can’t do it. But almost everyone forgets or glosses over how much pain Kara must always be in, the anger she carries inside of her of being the very last, of being sent away, of being alone. They forget that she is not simply a human with powers but forever and always Kryptonian with powers—like how everyone thinks of Clark, like we’ve seen in Myriad how even Clark thinks of himself, Kara never thinks of herself as human. She has a different language and values and culture and religion and she fools everyone into thinking that she’s just like them(for more about this, here’s the post I made that’s a lot more comprehensive). That isn’t Kara’s stage. This kind of complicated and woven falsehood is her stage. Sound like anyone?

Kara would totally be a grifter. Especially a Kara who wasn’t found by Clark, who wasn’t found by the Danvers—this is Kara without a purpose, who sees her cousin flying over Metropolis with the house of El’s Crest on his chest and doesn’t need her. She has nothing to live for—so she wanders, constantly pretending to be someone else and she gets good at it. She has a soft spot for swindling people who violate environmental laws because it’s easier—and never goes after anyone who doesn’t deserve it. That doesn’t mean it’s necessarily legal. She’s also got a soft spot for art—it’s marvelous, in a way even Krypton never was. And grifting is something that makes her feel alive, covering up for just a little bit the gaping hole in her heart where Krypton used to be. And really, she doesn’t have very many ties, or attachments—she travels light, easily able to switch identities and leave at the drop of a hat. There’s this undercurrent of sadness in all of her identities, even with the happiest of her personas—which just makes her a mystery and all the more magnetic to the people she’s trying to con—she’s able to seem so damn genuine and sincere it’s addicting.

Not to mention someone who can easily see everyone’s tells because of advance senses, hear their heartbeat and see infinitesimal twitches and expressions that pass in a millisecond—she didn’t visibly use her powers as Cat’s assistant, but she still kept the job for 2 years before using super speed or strength—and that was because of how well she could read Cat, who went through probably hundreds of assistants before finding Kara. That would be essential for a grifter. Plus, we know that she learned English in less than a week. An entire language in just a handful of days—being able to learn regional dialect and adopt accents and

She goes by so many aliases, trying to run away from the memory of krypton. But her current alias? Kiera. Kiera Deveraux.

Kara woke up alone on Earth and saw her no longer baby cousin with their family crest on his chest doing perfectly fine—he’s grown, he doesn’t need her. How would he even know about Kara in the first place, or any of it? Kara’s been doing this since she was 13, and now she’s probably 30 something, maybe 32. We’ve had Clark even say—Kryptonians age very slowly. She still looks like she’s in her early 20’s. She doesn’t seem to age maybe that makes her even more legendary but she likes to use make up to make her look older because that truly fucks with people, although she never goes after bad people.

One thing that is truly different from Krypton, and not in a bad way, or a lesser way, is the way humans create art—she loves art. And it’s something that she bonds over with their thief.

As for who’s Nate, the alcoholic whose young son died because of corporate greed, the mastermind who thinks of every contingency and almost obsessively observes and analyzes? Why, that’s none other than Cat Grant. Cat Grant

Cat, who was a war correspondent for the Daily Planet but god that was so much danger, maybe too much when she finds out she’s pregnant with Carter—she wanted a break from them and she made a split-second decision. She’s still planning on creating CatCo, but that takes money. And she’s not asking her mother for it. Journalism doesn’t pay all that much frankly—and she gets a commission off of the things that she recovers.

But she spends every single cent she saved up for CatCo paying for medical bills for her son. She has so many regrets in her life—this isn’t one of them.

She hasn’t talked to her ex in months—M’gann as Maggie, much more adjusted, still hurting but not self-destructing and spiraling like Cat is. They met when Cat was pregnant, Carter the result of an impulsive and kind of crappy one-night stand that she has no desire to track down. This is a Cat who knows about aliens maybe, a bit more discreet. Except—M’gann maybe isn’t the most-adjusted because hospital bills are expensive, and Carter may not be biologically hers but he was still her son too and she would have done anything to help pay for those medical bills—including illegal and shady alien fight rings to help pay for medical bills, almost killing herself in the process. The week Carter died M’gann could barely even walk.

It’s why Cat never told M’gann about the experimental treatment she found. There was nothing her wife could have done.

By the time the series starts she’s definitely drinking her life away, and divorced from her ex.

So—I’m guessing it’s not much of a surprise to say that Alex is the hitter. This is Alex without growing up as Kara’s little sister, without losing her father. Without the pressure of being an older sibling to a special needs child being raised by a single mother—without the worry that if Kara was found to be special needs she would die, because if anyone other than the DEO (and trust me, intelligence agencies are notorious for being petty and not sharing information. They probably keep it to themselves) finds out about Kara she will be taken apart molecule by molecule. This is an Eliza who has Jeremiah to temper her, and a hell of a lot less stress. Alex probably has the most stable childhood and came out of it with minimal scarring.

Sure, maybe the DEO came knocking but this is the Danvers family with nothing to lose—they could threaten Alex, but the Danvers can threaten to expose the DEO. In canon, it would be mutually assured destruction with the Danvers exposing the DEO and the DEO likewise exposing Kara. Not the case here. Once the DEO came sniffing Jeremiah and Eliza enrolled Alex in a shit ton of martial arts class. And just remember, Alex was a surfer—her balance is phenomenal to start with. She has years of training in childhood to get a leg up, and she gets into competitions in college—Alex is always competitive, always a need to strive and be the best, especially since she lives a childhood without Kara. She hasn’t found out quite yet that there are more important things than being the star.

This is Alex without intense depression, guilt, anxiety, and massive responsibility on her shoulders—Alex parties sure, but not a supreme or unhealthy amount. She’s able to finish her post grad studies and med school almost faster than the time that it takes for people to get their undergrad degree, her parents supporting her decisions and hoping their daughter follows in their footsteps. But it’s not quite that simple.

Intelligence agencies frequently recruit from elite colleges. Alex changed so much when she made the decision to be Kara's protector—she’s a different person, one who maybe feels a bit purposeless, and wants to serve. It definitely causes a wedge between her and her parents. They don’t want that life for her, they want her to become a doctor and a scientist and to be safe. But Alex has never wanted to be safe, just extraordinary. It causes a falling out between them. She definitely is a field agent, and probably did some pretty shifty things. And then went to work for Damien Moreau.

Wow, did that get fucked up. She becomes the retrieval specialist/hitter.

In every world, it is Kara who brings out Alex Danvers' protective spirit. Even this version of Kara who is warier and a little less openly heroic—she sees danger or someone getting hurt around her and of course she helps, but not in the same flashy way as before. Alex looks at her and thinks "this dork needs to be protected." And in every universe Alex becomes protective of Kara, and at first it’s because Kara is so damn seemingly hesitant and gentle and clumsy, and doesn't know it's bc Kara is always trying not to hurt someone

But God later, later it's so Kara will never accidentally kill someone and then, when she finds out that Kara is this way because of her super strength, she becomes all the more protective when she finds out it’s because Kara doesn’t want to accidentally kill someone. When she learns the truth it actually makes Alex want to protect her even more. But like, emotionally. Like "this gentle thoughtful alien has to worry about being gentle always so you better not startle her you asshole"

But surprisingly out of all of them Alex probably has the least traumatizing childhood tbh. Post childhood is a different story.  all that shit, she has a skillset already. Instead of acting, she’s terrorizing undergrads as a professor—she does have a PhD. She’s not Elliot, she doesn’t need food and something useful to do with her knives like he does. She has an MD and can practice medicine but she never really did a residency anywhere—plenty of field experience though. She’s been trying to the whole teaching thing for like the past year.

And when they all get together for their first job, and even after it all goes sideways Kara still doesn't really trust these people so no way was she revealing that she could probably be more effective than most hitters. So when Cat gets the crew to stay together she's like “this can be dangerous so I'm getting us a hitter,” Kara stays silent. Cat and Alex knew each other for a long time when cat was finishing her time as a war correspondent Alex was just getting her start. You know how they find Sophie at a theater? They find Alex at a lab, since she wasn't hired for that con they didn’t get a hitter they got a grifter instead—Kara.

Nate and Sophie knew each other ahead of time, but in this story? It’s Alex and Cat. Kara isn’t Sophie, she wouldn’t try and walk on the straight and narrow by being an actor—that’s not what she wants. But Alex? Alex has a PhD. Alex has been trying to teach college kids for the past year as a professor, but before that, on her very first job? Involved a run in with a certain war correspondent—Cat Grant. They kept in touch and now the gang needs a hitter unrelated to them and oh Cat has the perfect candidate.

Also, if in every universe Kara brings out Alex's protective side? in every universe, Kara would expose herself for Alex and save her plane from crashing. There was that time the plane blew up, and maybe they couldn’t stop it—Kara isn’t going to let everyone she cares about die. Not again. She reveals herself for the first time since she landed on Earth—and that’s when things start to get interesting.

And next: their thief: the one and only Lucy Lane. Her mom signs her up for both dance (primarily ballet--but really the type of dance can change depending on what’s close to the base they’re on and which dance classes the country they’re in offers)—and gymnastics from a young age. We’ve heard plenty of General Sam Lane, and we know that he’s both Lucy’s father and Lois’s—along with the fact that Lois and Lucy have an age difference, and they’re not close. But what we know absolutely nothing about? Lucy’s mother. Because I kind of hc that Lucy spent a lot of time abroad going from base to base growing up. And maybe something happening to her mother, also when she was young. Now, there’s just one question: what happened to her?

So. There are a few options. Maybe she was sick. Maybe one of her dad’s enemies happened—either one he made domestically, or internationally. You don’t get to be a general without coming out enemy free. Especially from someone like Sam Lane. This is a man who has absolutely no compunction about torturing someone, who’s xenophobic as fuck and we’ve seen with James is pretty damn racist as well (and most likely homophobic tbh)—and Jenna Dewan Tatum is Lebanese. So I def hc Lucy as Lebanese, and Lois has a different mother (and yeah, you can totally be racist if you’re married to someone who isn’t white). He very well could have done something to Lucy’s mother. Or maybe even she just left—it’s not easy being Sam Lane’s wife.

If it was her dad's fault there's a very good chance he goes weeks without talking to her and maybe that’s the first time she stole. It’s been 3 weeks forgot to leave little Lucy money for takeout or groceries and she’s all by herself, recently moved to a new country so no one knows her, Lois gone, she doesn't know how to talk to her sister, and this is before cell phones and she definitely doesn’t have an email, and esp w international communication there's no skype. In one universe she decides against it, collapses on the floor where her father finds her and has a massive freak out, internally promising to change his behavior and stop neglecting his daughter so much but in this one? This one she goes out and steals for the first time gets a taste for it.

It helps that there are so many asshole men in the military, there was that line about not wanting to work for old white men. As an adult, she doesn’t steal from anyone who can afford it, but as a kid she’s mostly just trying to get by with a neglectful father, picking victims at random but going for the ones who at least dress like they won’t miss the wallet too much. But maybe, when they’re back in the States for the first time in years, Lucy steals from the wrong person—and Archie does exist in this world as well. He takes her in, but not really--the same thing he does to Parker. He teaches Lucy, and she gets good fast.

Lucy’s 14, 15 when she leaves her father for good. It’s not the first time she runs away but it’s the first time she doesn’t come back, or the first time Sam can’t find her again. Because he’s now General Sam Lane, he has subordinates who would go and find her but this is when they're back in the US and they’re a bit more limited now. One day she just packs up a few things that she doesn’t want to leave behind and poof. Disappears. She’s not quite a master thief but damn she’s getting there. She kept up with ballet and gymnastics, Sam thinking that it would be good structure but jokes on him.

So much of the art Lucy steals was either created by old white men, or stolen by old white men. She later doesn’t feel bad about taking it. This is a Lucy who was always on her own, with so many questions, traveling from place to place and never really made friends so she doesn’t quite get people, not really.

So that just leaves the hacker: Lena. Her background would still be the same, adopted at 4, hated by Lillian, Lex a good big brother and loving and welcoming. And maybe Lena’s 12, maybe she was being teased a bit at her fancy boarding school for being too smart and pudgy and has really bad acne that won’t go away no matter how much Lillian pays dermatologists and Lillian wants her to wear contacts but she has glasses she really likes and is very publicly known to be adopted and is not at all heterosexual and is surrounded by pretty girls at school all the time, the poor baby gay.

Basically, the absolute worst things to be in middle school all in one girl. and Lex, her still darling older brother who loves his sister more than anything, tells her that she just needs to figure out how to be cool and is like you know what's cool? Motorcycles. He makes his baby sister be in full protection, but he’s just in his usual suit, not wearing even a helmet.

Lena was behind the wheel, Lex letting her drive and is right behind her. There was a crash and Lex insisted that Lena wear a helmet, but he didn’t. And Lena wakes up in the hospital, arm broken, a concussion, and her brother dead. Can you imagine how much Lillian would be on the warpath? She knows that Lillian doesn’t like her but this time she sincerely worries that Lillian will kill her for this. She’s sometimes worried about her safety but not really her life—not until now. So. She runs. Lena goes by her birth mother’s last name, not Luthor—that’s far too distinctive.

She gathers as much cash as she can. It’s not immediately, of course. It’s over a few weeks. She continually takes out slightly over average for the Luthor’s weekly allowed amount of money from her account, not too distinctive but paying in cash stops a lot of questions from ever being asked.

She’s definitely the youngest out of the bunch. But Lex taught her more than how to ride a motorcycle, he also taught her to hack until she was just as good as he was—maybe even better. That’s when she disappears. She's a kid but she knows how to hack her way into leaving hotel reservations and accounts--leaves a back door into Luthorcorp if she ever needs it. But she never uses it.

She doesn’t want to be traced or found, doesn’t want to be reminded of Lex, of what she fucked up. Lex was the golden boy who was saving the world, everyone loved Lex, Lena most of all. This isn’t the Lex who tried to kill her. Some signs of mental issues there, like not wearing any protection riding a motorcycle but nothing like trying to kill his baby sister, or xenophobia.

And damn, this is a world without Lex Luthor. Without his influence, or quite a few of his inventions, or any of his xenophobia but with so much more of Lillian’s hate and rage.

And God, she’s season one Parker level of uncomfortable when grifting. She can channel who she was expected to be as a Luthor, but that’s kind of the extent that she can do. She spent so much time alone, and she’s already awkward, to say the least, before her brother’s death. Lex was one of, if not the only, person who understood her.

Lena grew up a Luthor, and then was a hacker. She probably spent a lot of time in hotels, especially since she ran away so young, she tried her very best to avoid people but she knows how to look like she fits in to those fancy hotels thanks to years with the Luthors, she doesn’t look like a runaway but god she’s so bad with people, she tries avoiding them as much as possible and she’s so awkward looking as a kid and a teenager and it’s just when she meets the Leverage crew is she finally starting to grow into her looks—she’s not used to being hot tbh.

Also I’ve wondered, especially in later seasons, how the leverage gang got so many clients because even just word of mouth like they go all over the country and even the world—we saw that ep w Parker’s torn ACL that they go to Japan, and in the ep with the boy’s heart they were coming back from a con. There may very well be someone doing referrals. And that person here? Is Diana of Themyscira, art museum curator. After all, the leverage gang acquires so much art, they send it somewhere. And they trust Diana

It’s not just Diana, and it is a lot of word of mouth, but they probably have someone in a law office or courthouse or something who sends along cases/failed lawsuits and with Maggie? She’s always gonna be in the criminal justice system, but what if instead of a cop she became a lawyer? She sees the system fail people over and over and somehow hears about Leverage Team and starts sending people to them. And like, Maggie as a lawyer can still be kind of a daredevil! She's that lawyer that picks up hopeless cases and fights against big powerful people at the stand—think of season 1 of arrow Laurel Lance. Team Leverage has to rescue her from kidnappings and thugs sent to beat her up relatively often (except Maggie Sawyer knows how to defend herself thank you very much so they sometimes just have to do some clean-up or Lena some hacking to get back at the people threatening their friend)

And then there’s James and Winn—hello the show’s version of McSweeten and Taggert. So to start: James. Not every single major event in someone’s lives needs to be because of a world shattering story, like a sister who falls from the sky. Maybe it could be something simple, something you don’t even think about. there was a delay the day James was in metropolis, before he took that photo of Superman. Maybe there was a simple flat tire keeping him home-bound, or he stayed after a class to talk to a professor. Because that photo might be what got him a job at the Daily Planet and definitely a Pulitzer. Canon James described himself as just a kid with a camera, and let’s say Clark is like what, 22 when he debuted? Let’s make James about 4 years younger—around 18.

James double majored in both Peace and Justice alongside Photography, sold that photo of Superman for an absolute king’s ransom, and he drops out of school to be a full-time photographer. But that doesn’t happen here. Being good at looking at a scene and observing every single thing that happens is still a p good skill for an FBI agent honestly? could be something inconsequential. “An eye for detail" is what his instructor says when he's up for promotion into full-fledged agent. He’s always wanted to help people, be a guardian for others. This is how he does it. Knowing what to photograph for evidence, maybe how to case a place, or even as a cover? is a pretty good skillset for an FBI agent to have frankly.

And then there’s Winn. Consider this: if Cat doesn’t establish CatCo, then Winn wouldn’t work there. Winn is the son of the Toymaker, a child murderer. Winn wants absolutely nothing to do with his father, publicly renounces him and hasn’t ever visited him before. He joins the FBI hoping he can use the skills his father taught him to do good and to keep him on the straight and narrow and stop him from ever becoming like him. Maybe starts as a forensic computer analyst and works his way up.

This is the only pairing that I’ve decided on but James and Winn definitely get together and poor James, he’s been flirting with Winn for so long and Winn just doesn’t notice.

They’re a rag tag group of people, and the only ones of the 5 that go by their real last name are Alex and Cat. Lena doesn’t want the Luthors to find her, and Lucy doesn’t want her Lois or the General to find her—she barely remembers Lois, and what she does remember is someone who never really cared about her. And Kara wears personas like a wardrobe—she’s never told anyone her name before.

The four of them are all brought together for one con—but the con’s on them, although not for long. Mon-El (who’s human in this—guess what I do make the rules) really shouldn’t have tried to use Cat’s son. He doesn’t even know what hit him.

[nugentart-blog]

Once upon a time...

So, I’ve wanted to start a blog for a number of years, and after experiencing my first Apple Distinguished Educators Academy event, now seems like the perfect time.

I always wondered how I would start my blog… What to talk about and who would care about what I was thinking… but after attending the Apple Academy, I realized none of that really matters. Its not about who reads it…if anyone reads it….What matters most is getting your story out there; using your words to make a difference, small or large

it doesn’t matter that it’s perfect, it matters that it’s real.

So….where to begin? I guess….me…..who am I? How did I get to be the woman sitting at her computer, exhausted, with her puppy snuggled at her toes as she writes her first babbling blog. Well, here goes nothing.

Who am I, where I am right now?

I am a LaDue, a Day, a Riley and a Nugent; and all have shaped me into who I am. My sister and I grew up in a home surrounded by love and support from all of my many families, all of whom continue to support us as we navigate adulting. My sister has the sweetest son, Noah, who makes me laugh uncontrollably with his silly giggles, and he is the center of attention at nearly all of our family gatherings.

My father. who put the “LaDue” in me and gave me my outgoing personality, passed away when I was six years old; an experience that drastically altered my childhood. I remain close with his family, and all of my many cousins on that side of my family.

I was raised by my mom, a Day, and a single parent who is the most inspirational person I could ever know. After breaking her neck in middle school, my mom was told she would never walk again. Low and behold, she proved them wrong and would become only the third person to walk out of that hospital after suffering a broken neck. She then raised my sister and I after the death of my father and gave us every opportunity that any other kid had….and more. She did it all, from driving between states on the same day for dance competitions and student council camps to getting us to meetings and practices so we wouldn’t ever miss an opportunity. It is from her that I get my adventurous side, although I’m not certain that she’d describe herself that way. She also gave me a heart for service and a love of giving back, through her work with those with disabilities and her servant heart, constantly giving back to our community.

In 2006 I gained a new family, the Rileys, which not only my stepdad, but also his five sisters and all of their kids, many of whom I had gone to school with in our small Wisconsin town.

In 2011, I married my best friend Colin and became a Nugent, gaining a family of in-laws, where I fit in like one of their own. We’re the kind of family that believes in the power of laughter, with memes and gag gifts making frequent appearances at family events. Colin is my best friend, and it is with him by my side that many of my goals—including homeownership, achieving an undergraduate and masters degree, raising a puppy, and checking many items off my bucket list—- have been achieved.

I am a Wisconsinite. A Wisconsin native, born and raised in the small Americana town of Sparta; the kind of town where you’re favorite place to hang out is the old-fashioned ice cream and coffee shop downtown (Ginny’s is the best!), and, much like Cheers, “everyone knows your name.”  My hometown is known as the Bicycling Capital of America, and connects miles of bike trails. Summertime in this small town brings our ironically-named festival, Butterfest, which, aside from a cow-milking contest (which I may have won on a few occasions), has little to do with butter. Fall brings falling leaves, haunted houses, corn mazes, and chili nights at football games. In winter, lights decorate our small community park, snow covers the ground, and everyone can be found bundled up inside with a warm drink, and warmer conversation. Spring in Wisconsin brings road construction season, rain, and of course, flowers, in a state where 50 degrees in the fall means sweatshirt weather, and 50 degrees in spring means it’s time for shorts (Wisconsinites are so flexible!).

I am an adventurer, and I mean that in every sense of the word. I love to travel, and had wanderlust long before I knew what that word actually meant. I live my bucket list every day, seizing opportunities to try new things. I’ve watched a monsoon, fed a giraffe, swam with a dolphin, held a baby kangaroo, visited Korea and Europe, lived through a hurricane and a tornado, slept in a haunted house (for $50 nonetheless), slept on a porch swing, raised a puppy, watched fireworks with Scrooge McDuck, trick or treated in the Happiest Place on Earth, seen the Mona Lisa, designed a mural (complete with a Where’s Waldo), learned to blow glass, met my favorite singer (Gavin Degraw <3 <3 <3) and more. I seize opportunities to explore the world, even when that means it is on a shoestring budget. Growing up I did tons of activities, from figure skating, to baton twirling, color guard, dance, bowling, Girl Scout, Student Council, and more; all of which shaped me to embrace every moment, try new things, and continue to adventure every day.

I’m an art teacher in Wisconsin, about to enter my seventh year teaching. I teach in a school that is unique in many ways, like any other school. I teach in the upper corner of a two-story building in La Crosse, Wisconsin; a school that embraces diversity in unique ways. That two-story building contains two different schools; two different schools on two different calendars with two different philosophies.

The first floor of my school houses Hamilton Early Learning Center, a diverse school, especially for Wisconsin standards. Hamilton’s population consists of less than 53% white students, with 14% Asian/Pacific Islander ethnicity (primarily Hmong), 12% Black, 7% Hispanic and 13% of students with two or more ethnicities. As of last November, over 70% of our students were considered economically disadvantaged; a number that is the second-most disadvantaged in our district and continually fluctuates with our highly transient population. We recently excitedly, had our first day of school, and for the first time are offering free breakfast and lunch all of our Hamilton students. The teachers at the school are a family, better known as the Hamily, where each member of our staff works to improve the lives of the students that attend our school, far beyond academics. We’re the kind of school Where you can find family night frequently, a social worker helping families with services, anti-teachers to constantly bend over backwards to improve their students lives outside of school, ensuring they have what they need to succeed.  

The second floor of my school houses the School of Technology and the Arts, a school that is home to the most affluent students in our area, with only a little over 30% economically disadvantaged students. This charter school features for constructs, with an emphasis on integrating the arts in the classroom. In the school are the only students to have drama class in our district, and can begin learning strings instruments in just first grade. The students have extra art time during Hamilton intercessions, and spend 30 minutes per week in a multi-age classroom known as community room. They frequently have artist-in-residence visits, and and their year with a special performance called the informance.

I have a desire to teach art and a love of technology, which come together to create crazy adventures in my classroom. In 2017, I was beyond honored to become a part of the Apple Distinguished Educator’s Class of 2017, (best class ever!). After seeing the stories of other Apple Distinguished Educators and the way they share their stories of the world, I was inspired to continue to share my own.

I am an artist. I have an undergraduate degree in Art and Education from the University of Wisconsin La-Crosse (although I’m truly a UW-Green Bay Phoenix at heart) and as part of my education, took courses in everything from painting, which I absolutely loved, to metalsmithing, which I quickly realized wasn’t really my style. My favorite mediums are photography and graphic design, as well as glassblowing, which I learned through an undergraduate research grant.

I am a volunteer. I volunteer as a member of the board of both the La Crosse Public Education Foundation and Sparta Public Education Foundation, both of which provide grants to teachers to further innovation in the classroom. I also volunteer with Sparta Butterfest as a webmaster, social media contributor and designer. I also co-direct the Miss Sparta Pageant - no judging - where I have helped young women give back hundreds of hours of service and thousands of dollars to our local community. Yes, it’s a pageant (for one night out of 365 in the year) but the organization and the girls that I work with are so much more than “beauty queens.” For starters, we are the only Miss Wisconsin affiliated pageant in Wisconsin that does NOT require that our girls compete in swimsuit. Instead, they give a two minute speech on how they will give back to their community. Empowering, right? Our community helps hold our girls accountable. I love working with them and giving back, but often get judgy faces when I tell people I help with a pageant. I don’t help because of the giltz and glam (although…what art teacher doesn’t love a little sparkle ;)), I help because of the profound difference that this organization makes in the lives of not only the winners, but all of the contestants, and all of the community organizations that we’re a part of.

I am a friend. I feel so incredibly grateful for the friends that have been by my side along my adventure. From Sam (my bff from 3rd grade who just-so-happened to become an art teacher too) to the “Supper 6″ (a group of ADEs I met at a conference less than a week ago and already feel an incredible bond with) and all along the path between, my friends have given me new perspectives, inspiration, and too many laughs and memories to count.

I am unapologetically Bethany, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. You see, all of these parts of me have shaped who I am. I am surrounded by a network of friends, family, teachers, students, and people whose lives and experiences have intertwined with mine to root me firmly in my beliefs with a strong foundation from which to continue to build on. I look to each day with optimism, creativity, and a smile, believing wholeheartedly that I will make a difference.