#although I think soon I'll be able to just laugh that off too and feel proud for the people who thought it was good lmao

[meownotgood]

hey! I'm so sorry you've had your writing stolen - it sucks a lot and I can empathize with how upsetting it can be (I've had art stolen/reuploaded to be sold and it was such a gross feeling... but such is the reality of posting our work online I guess rip)

people who plagiarize truly do suck balls, especially serial stealers like in your case (actually mindblowing btw like what is even the point then?? maybe don't "write" fic if you don't like writing it??????)

...but there are also a lot of OTHER people who will support you and the things you make, so hold on to that!

-artist anon <3

nooooo I'm so sorry that happened... 🥹 it's one thing to steal but to try and profit off of it is so damn nasty. but it's true that when you post things online it's just bound to happen

I really don't get it, like copying word for word just changing the character it's about has to be so tedious, I don't understand what someone gets out of doing it or posting it? 😭 writing isn't that hard.... you can do it....... I believe in you............

[heegyukeluv]

a hundred sunsets (sjy)

pairing: jake x afab!reader

synopsis: Using a dating app in order to find a lover rarely worked properly to you, which was the reason you never planned to do so. But bumping into someone so charming as you texted your possible future love interest wasn’t on your plans either. 

my's note: hello!!! it's not only my first time writing in english but also my first time using tumblr to post a story  i’m honestly kinda nervoussjdjdjs. a few things I want to say before anything: those are fictional characters, also i know almost nothing when it comes to other country’s educational systems sooo i’m sorry if something is off, and mostly important: enjoy!!! 

i wasn't planning to write this much but i think i got a little carried away lol

warnings: quick mention of alcohol (all characters are of age!), slow burn kinda?, at least one ‘kms’ joke srry, strangers to friends to lovers, pet names (sweetheart, pretty, sugar, etc..), lot of language, jake is downnn baddd, there’s a slightly jay x y/n moment (they go on a date lol) but not too much dw!!!, reader blushing/turning red! eventual smut (MINORS DO NOT INTERACT) - jake is kinda a sub, oral sex (both), unprotected sex (don’t do it!!!), j. cums inside (consensual), overstimulation (m), slight dacryphilia. enha’s jay, sunghoon and heeseung + lesserafim’s yunjin and chaewon as side characters. LMK IF I FORGOT SOMETHING.

wc: 22k

NOT PROOFREAD.

EXTRA (epilogue kinda?)

As comfortable as your couch was and even though you very much loved watching “Pitch Perfect”, that wasn't the fun weekend you had planned, actually you didn't plan anything at all. But there you were, licking your fingertips in order to clean up the salt flakes of the chips you devoured during the last minutes.

It wasn't like you really cared about what your lifestyle was turning into during the few months that passed by, opting to stay at home doing your little things here and there, taking a fair break from the crazy parties at suspicious places alongside a lame try to hang out with very random people... 

The initial excuse of "I'll focus more on my studies" was holding a bit, however you couldn't help but feel bored at your choices at this point. 

You sighed, opening the message app on your phone and re-reading the last texts you received in your friend group.

Jinnie 💘: my sweet little y/n i’ve been here watching you ROT down in your apartment and i’m tired!!! sure you don’t wanna party anymore or wtv BUT FOR GOD’S SAKE i love you but truth be said YOU NEED TO GET LAID!!!! download the app pleeeeasseeee it’s not like you’re gonna match with a weirdo (i guess Chaebae 💖: Worst case scenario you just call me and I go to rescue you with my very muscly arms Best case scenario you win a good fuck !

You laughed again at the texts, picturing Chaewon with her baby face and a very packed body. Would she be able to really punch someone on the face in order to protect you? For sure she would. And she didn't even need muscly arms or whatever. 

Being friends for God knows how long you thought about trusting them. They wouldn’t try to mislead you, right? 

You always had little to no interest in dating apps. The few times you tried you constantly felt like you were practically selling yourself as some product with specific traits, where the buyer doesn't have enough chance to get to know more parts of you before anything, chasing for the next step so eagerly.

Although your heart beats fast for people you just met seemingly outwardly interesting, the real feeling of wanting to be with them, to go out on dates, to trust enough to let parts of yourself to be shown comfortably needs time and usually grows slowly.

You never really dated anyone in order to fulfill momentary desires, your own body wouldn't let it happen as you lose interest as soon as you feel too pressured by the other part or when the connection wasn’t clicking right.

Chaewon and Yunjin were different though. They had the free spirit to just hit that one night stand and be happy about it. You were happy about it, loving to listen to their crazy dates and nights out, sharing the most terrific stories about it while drinking some wine on your balcony.

Nevertheless, you were kinda desperate. Your last relationship ended one year ago, the one you rooted for a very long time – two years and five months, to be exact, until one day you caught him cheating on you with one of his "best friends that you don’t have to worry, baby". Very much cliché but also a big trauma in your life, leading you to this very moment of neediness but not enough courage to trust someone again.

Since then you have been hooking up once and a while with random people you met at parties, but never felt right or enough especially because you tried so hard to either not get attached – and with that lose the brief sexual interest – or on the very other side of the hand, to build up some kind of relationship.

Every single one turning into a big failure. 

Sighing again, your fingers typed on the screen keyboard.

You: Can you send me the name again?  Chaebae 💖: OH??? YUNJIN Jinnie 💘: I KNOW [LFS] hope you enjoy!! hihi You: What's with the acronym lol Chaebae 💖: "Love at First Sight"  You: Oh god And you rly think it’s a good idea? Chaebae 💖: ..yeah? Jinnie 💘: a great idea actually! You chuckled. What could go wrong?

Everything went wrong.

Not every single thing, but a bunch for sure. 

You didn’t know if your taste was too specific or if overall men were just that boring. You had good features, your pics weren’t that bad either and your personality… Liking video games, some astronomical stuff, movies and dogs couldn’t be a big red flag, right? 

But every match got you thinking “what happened to the old ‘hi, how are you?’”. Maybe because of those exact traits you put on display made the weird nerds attracted to you as a potential match, thinking their fantasies would be fulfilled by you. 

Of course you understand people on those kinds of apps sometimes have very clear goals setted, but how frustrating is it to try to have a good conversation and the least creepy answer be “is it weird that i want you sucking me while i play league of legends? lmao”?

No matter how defeated you were feeling you weren’t one to give up. And that leads to this very moment as you type fast on your phone with your current attempt. 

Park Jongseong, or just Jay, was hot. Like, very hot. And his talking wasn’t going to weird places so far, which at this point was a big win. He was funny and somewhat endearing, sharing avidaly about his travels and his music interests with so much passion that you started to rethink your own life choices thus far – was the ongoing college degree a good choice? Should you give up everything and start to live as an artist? 

Lost in your train of thoughts about maybe having found somebody worthy of your time as you walked down the hallway heading to your next lecture of the day, you didn’t expect to hit your face straight into someone’s chest. A very strong and hard chest by the way, you thought briefly, scented with some woody essence that got straight into your senses. The sweet voice of the owner wasn’t expected either.

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry!”, the boy uttered with a worried tone looking down at you trying to see if he had hurt you in some way. You almost didn’t catch his thick accent. “Are you okay?” he questioned softly, still concerned. You blinked a few times before coming back to reality, looking up confused at his face and answering hurriedly with slightly widened eyes.

“I’m the one who should be sorry! God, I’m so stupid, I should be more careful,” you started to blather as you lost yourself in that pretty face you just hit into. The whole combo was breathtaking. Plump glossy red lips and puppy eyes full of worry; the silky brown hair was just as normal as any other brown hair but what the fuck was that face? “I was looking down at my phone and I didn’t see y–”, you were interrupted by the honeyed voice again “I mean, I was also using my phone and didn’t see you either,” he chuckled. “You’re fine, sweetheart.”

Your eyes widened even more at the same time as a smirk decorated his beautiful lips. You don’t know what got you more flustered, the pet name or the double meaning of that simple phrase. You could feel your cheeks burning hard and your first instinct was to look down to the floor and wonder if hiding yourself beneath the tile was a good option.

“Well, sorry again,” he said and you forced yourself to swallow down the saliva that got stuck on your throat and to look up again, facing now a cute small and shy smile that made your heart beat fast. Too fast. “See ya!” and just like that he went his own way, not even waiting for your response.

You were sure someone had glued the sole of your shoes on the ground while you two had that small and awkward talk, because there’s no way your legs stopped working properly just because of him.

You looked over your shoulder in order to see his back going away but it was already too late, since he wasn’t around anymore. You thought to yourself he was certainly a new student, because you would have noticed him sooner. How could you not?

His chocolate eyes and sweet voice were the only things on your mind as you picked up your phone to text back Jay, trembling a bit from the encounter still.

You: of course we can see each other this friday!! :) 

You tried your best to fully focus on your upcoming assignments, but your library time has reduced quite a bit and even in your house your attention was wandering constantly. For the last three days you walked around your whole campus trying so hard to bump into that good-looking visage one more time, going back and forth that hallway hoping to see that guy.

Describing his appearance to Chaewon and Yunjin didn’t help a bit, especially because everything you could remember was his sweet voice, his silky brown hair and his very beautiful smile. Just like any other guy. 

But he wasn’t. 

He looked smooth, confident and whatever other compliment you could build to him – like, you never really met him to know more than just the appearance, and his looks exuded that so you just guessed. The fucking “sweetheart” coming from his mouth sounded too good for your own heart. And that was everything you got from him. Not even a glimpse of something else like what classes he got or anything like that.

“I don’t know, I’m starting to worry you are seeing ghosts or making people up, girl”, Yunjin said as her hands unwrapped her sandwich right before she took a big bite.

“I’m not!” you whined with a pout. “I swear to god he exists. I need him to exist. He’s too fine,” you whispered the last part, even though they both heard you.

“This is definitely something someone who is starting to see things would say, y’know that, right?” Chaewon said with a laugh, making you chuckle a bit because, well, it’s true. How does one prove a person exists given that no one but you saw him?

The campus was big enough for you not to see him ever again, however after the quick encounter you noticed he walked towards the end of the hallway, to classes that only someone with an area of study similar to yours would go to.

“This is frustrating,” you stated, looking at the people wandering around still hoping to see him. Your lunch already forgotten in front of you.

“Don’t you have a date in like a few hours?” Chaewon questioned with a raised eyebrow. “Shouldn’t we be worrying about you and that hot Jay guy instead of you and the we-don’t-even-know-if-he-exists guy?”

“She’s right, baby,” Yunjin added. “Jay looks adorable. You should focus on him.”

You nodded defeated, sighing and forcing yourself to re-read your texts with the said guy. “You’re right”, you smiled a bit.

Jay: Looking forward to our date tonight! <3

You: yeah, me too :) 

And just like that the afternoon has arrived and you got yourself in a dilemma of clothing and accessories and shoes and makeup and even between your perfumes! Everything seemed terrible together, nothing was right, no cloth piece looked good enough to match Jay’s insane visuals and taste in style. Through his photos you noticed the way he fashioned himself, wearing fancy brands with a generous constancy, looking too good for yourself.

You were on the verge of crying when Yunjin called you, as if she felt in her guts you needed her.

“Hey,” you answered the call, quickly accepting the change to a video call and propping your phone on your desk. “How we doin’, baby?” She asked curiously with a big excited smile. “Why aren’t you ready yet?” You noticed she had makeup on and was doing her hair while talking to you.

“Not doing well, Jinnie…” you pouted, looking at the mess around you. You were dealing with a lot of emotions at the same time and felt so lost. “I don’t know what to wear,” you said sincerely. “I feel like nothing I have here is enough to match Jay’s.”

In your defense, it’s been a long time since you ever went on a date, especially a dinner date and with someone so elegant like Jay.

You weren’t expecting Yunjin almost screaming at you. “Don’t you dare to say anything like that ever again!” You startled. “Y/N, you will look good in any clothing you decide to wear, because you are hot. Not your clothes or accessories or anything. They just complement your own beauty!”

While Chaewon normally was the one who would speak up for the whole group in terms of defending her girls, Yunjin worked on the other part of bringing the mood and the self esteem up. And both of them always did a great job.

“You are so fucking right, Yunjin,” she smiled proudly after you spoke, continuing her job on doing her hair.

You looked around one more time, getting out of the frame just to change yourself in a simple black dress long enough to cover half of your tights and the exact amount of tightness that hugged your curves with close perfection. “Thoughts?” You appeared again in front of the camera after a few minutes of trying some accessories.

“Sexy. And pretty. You are so getting laid tonight!” You chuckled. “I think I’m not the only one, though?” You wiggled your eyebrows playfully and she just giggled, before saying a quick goodbye and ending the call.

Just like you, she had things to get done. 

Putting on some lip gloss as a final touch, you were ready. And just in time as you felt your phone vibrating inside your purse with Jay's text.

Jay: I’m here :) You: Coming!

The big car greeting the door of your building was expected at some point, nonetheless your shocking expression was hardly disguised with a nervous smile. As Jay stepped out of his car, you quickly analyzed his outfit and had to take a breath because his white button up shirt with the sophisticated black trousers was getting yourself out of orbit. You felt a little dizzy when his hand positioned on your waist as he leaned to greet you with a little kiss on the cheek and a pretty smile.

He opened the door for you and when you both had settled down on the car seat, he said “You look great, Y/N”. With his help, you put on the seatbelt and thanked with a kind smile. "You look good yourself too, Jay."

The drive to the restaurant was quite normal, a few words being exchanged here and there, the conversation was pretty ordinary. You were a pile of nerves and you had to almost physically stop yourself from moving your legs up and down due to the feeling of anxiety. It’s not like Jay was making you uncomfortable, but you didn’t felt too comfortable either. The whole fancy type of thing was getting you too hesitant for a first date. You were more like a cafe date girly, stargazing at some open air park or maybe a picnic. Now you were blaming yourself for not letting that out beforehand.

Jay parked the car at the parking lot. “We’re here”, his voice broke you out of your mind and when you glanced up at the restaurant you felt like dying inside.

Too fancy.

“It’s… amazing,” was everything that slipped out your mouth as you got out of the car with Jay’s help. “I’m glad you liked it, princess.”

The pet name didn’t get you the much you hoped it would, actually it made you think about the fucking hallway guy and his smooth “sweetheart” saying, sending shivers down your spine.

When both of you reached the table reserved under the name Park Jongseong and you looked through the menu, you knew you were fucked up. With no shame, though, you asked “Could you order for me? I know little to no ingredients on this paper.”

Jay let a small breathy laugh and nodded ordering for both of you. He picked a wine impressively saying the name and the year and whatever other things wines have in its description trying to impress you. However, your focus was on the view that you finally noticed on your right side that faced a big window. The night sky was impressive and the moon was shining prettily. 

“Enjoying the view?” he asked after sipping a bit of his wine. “Yeah, it’s incredible. I love the moon, actually I–” you didn’t had the chance to even start on your probably long talk about how much interested you are in the moon, being cutted of by Jay.

“Did you know that once I almost had the chance to go to the moon?” Your head snapped so fast towards his direction that you thought you would break your neck. “What?” The discredited and doubtful expression adorning your face was so clear still you were not afraid of showing it off.

With that, you discovered a not so good part of Jay: his somewhat annoying and exaggerated personality of trying to impress you with exorbitant things, too different from the texts you guys had exchanged. You had no interest knowing that his first birthday present was diamonds or that his dad bought him a car even before he turned eighteen. Let alone that he traveled to every single place you said during the conversation.

The way he would blurt out interrupting you in order to say "It's so amazing there! You would love the beaches and the museums, and the..." so it goes, every single time was really angering you.

Feeling left out in a duo talk was a new experience to you. How could someone be so full of himself and act like his life is the only one that matters? His gentlemanly aura was falling down very fast.

“You don’t seem to be enjoying our date,” he pointed with elegance when you went full quiet, looking directly at you. You sipped a bit of the wine that actually tasted too bad for your palate, noticing how half of your food was left out on your plate. You forced yourself to eat as much as you could handle, but the aftertaste of that food was worse than the taste itself. 

“Oh, now you noticed me,” you artificially smiled.

“What do you mean by that?” he asked, a bit offended. You got nervous, but didn’t let that get on you. “I mean that for the past two hours all you talk about is yourself. At first I was like ‘okay, this is how we know each other!’, but since then I haven’t had the chance to talk about anything related to myself, like my likings or whatever,” you vented, having to take a deep breath and drink some more wine afterwards. 

“I’m sorry, but I don’t get it,” Jay seemed honestly confused.

“Are you stupid?” the question slipped your tongue a bit too fast for your own thinking. You widened your eyes and covered your mouth with your hand. “I’m sorry I–” 

“I don’t think I’m stupid, but I really don’t get it. It’s my first date in a while and I don’t really remember having to listen to the girls at all…”

Squinting, you questioned genuinely, “What do you mean? Like, the girls you took out on dates just… listened to you bragging about diamonds and travels?” He kinda mimicked your expression and replied as if it was obvious “...Yeah…” 

After you blinked a few times you recomposed yourself and drank the whole wine on your glass at one go wishing you could just get drunk enough to forget that night. Jay watched you with a fazed expression as you got up from your chair. “I’m sure you’ll find someone that likes you the way you are. But with all due respect, to me, you kinda… Y’know. So I’m leaving.” You pointed with your thumb to your back, not even knowing if the exit was that way. “It was… an experience, I think.” You forced a smile. “Do I have to pay for something?” 

“No, don’t worry about that,” he was quick in his response, feeling a bit ashamed and soon adding “But I can get you home, you just have to wait for me to p–”

“Nah, I’m fine. I’ll call a cab or whatever,” you interrupted him as soon as you could, not wanting to spend any more second with him. Being in a closed space with him for more than a few seconds would be too embarrassing. 

“Y/N, come on. It’s the least I can do for you. You don’t have to walk alone at night, it can be dangerous.” You sighed, tapping his shoulder softly when you got closer to him. “Jay, it’s fine. It was not meant to be,” you tried to sound certain but what left your mouth was a mix of sneering with a doubtful tone. When he said nothing more, you left.

You were free. And also hungry. And a bit tipsy.

Maybe it was not the best idea to walk alone at that time of the night, but somehow you managed to feel better outside than with Jay. He was great, but definitely not for you.

You questioned yourself if calling Yunjin or Chaewon or maybe both could be a good idea, but knowing them they would show up in no time and try to beat the crap out of Jay and you weren’t in the mood to witness a murder. Actually all you needed was food. And maybe a cozy place. Nevertheless you typed on your phone just to update your girls.

You: Date went down the hole Guy’s kinda suck ngl Chaebae 💖: WDYM ARE YOU OKAY  DO YOU NEED ME TO GET THAT BASTARD OR WHAT WHAT DID HE DO WHERE ARE YOU Jinnie 💘: i’m very much drunk rn but tell me his address and i'll kick his ass and get you home or are you home already?

You laughed at the quick replies you received and typed some reassurance to them while continuing your walking process. Your goal at that point was to find a convenience store where you could get some lamen and perhaps a soda.

While you wrote down your last message walking slowly not to trip, you bumped into someone, face straight to their chest.

Firm and cunning hands held you by the waist since you lost balance because of your heels, preventing you from falling. Before you could even say anything, that fucking woody essence went directly through your senses and it was as if history was reescribing itself, like a gift from fate. This time, you were fully in his arms.

You looked up. “I’m so– Oh, you again?” He showed his charming smile. Because of the proximity you noticed how the corner of his lips were a bit curvy. So attractive and for what? 

Just like the last time, you blinked twice before realizing what really was happening, feet fixed on the ground. “I’m starting to consider that you like bumping into my chest, sweetheart,” he said with a grin, his mentoled breath hitting straight on your face.

Thank god his hands still held your waist, otherwise you would definitely fall. Your baffled expression had him chuckling a bit. “Did I hurt you?” he asked with care, looking directly at your eyes. His pretty chocolate eyes were hidden behind black specs this time.

You kept gazing stupidly at him like he was a distinct specie, an alien or something, not being able to say a word. Your throat was dry, you were sure you had lost the ability of talking. “Have you forgotten how to talk, pretty one?” He sniggered and bold but gently placed a strand of your hair behind your ear with his free hand. You shivered and almost leaned into the touch. “I remember you having such an endearing voice,” and just like that you finally let your body respond and blushed, taking a deep breath while starting to move away from him “I’m sorry, I didn’t see yo–”

“Cut that off, sweetheart," he let you go, making sure you were stable on your feet. You missed the warmth of his body on yours right away. Also you took your time to appreciate his clothing. The deep red shirt with white stripes covered with a black jacket looked too good on him. "I’m worried our encounters will keep happening like this. You might end up getting hurt for real,” the concerned tone did not go unnoticed, even mixed with the teasing-flirtatious one.

Your eyes wandered his face quickly before you let out a chuckle and diverted your attention away. You decided to ignore the buzzing sound of your phone as you put it inside your purse. “That wouldn’t be fun, would it?”, you said.

“Definitely not,” you looked back at him, caughting the shining eyes staring at you already like all he had down his sight was you. “A beautiful face like yours cannot be hurt, am I right?” And again there was that too attractive sly smile adorning his lips. You decided to smile back but shyly yet unable to hold the visual contact for more than a few seconds, cheeks still reddened. 

“I don’t know you enough to say that but you seem a bit… off”, he was now looking at you with his gleaming puppy eyes, head slightly tilted to the side. “Yeah, I might be a little bit tipsy.”

Normally you would be mad at the fact the small amount of wine was hitting that hard, blaming your weakness towards alcohol for making you feel kinda dizzy and too bold for your own good – you internally debated if that dizzines came from the alcohol or from other sources, like the very good looking man standing in front of you.

Still you thanked the fearless feeling running through your veins at that very moment, otherwise where would you find enough courage to say what you said next?

“Are you down to get some lamen at some random convenience store with me?”, you had no idea what your words could mean to him and honestly weren’t expecting much, but as soon as his face lit up like you told him he won a good amount of money, you felt victorious. “Is this your way of flirting? Because if it is, it’s working on me.” 

“That’s good to know, nameless boy”, you scoffed with a seductively undertone, the little smirk on your lips and your now boldness to maintain eye contact making him laugh as a failed attempt to hide his flustered self. The next moment you both were greeting each other with a quick handshake after he offered his hand to you. “I’m Jake”.

The hallway boy finally got a name, and not only that, you were now sure of his existence.

Sitting on a bench at the little shop you managed to find, the angry owner’s expression facing you two was as clear as crystal water and got you thinking if you were being too loud. Without caring much you just let it be, since being with Jake apparently meant you will be noisy eventually. It was not necessarily his fault, the both of you just shared too many common interests that made it difficult not to get overly excited during the conversation. 

It all began with just a normal “no way you like this flavor!” – with a very strong Australian accent from his side – and since then the flow went smoothly. His company had been greatly enjoyable so far and you let yourself be more and more comfortable about sharing some self information.

For example at some point you discovered he was a physics student, and with that you instantly shared about your love for the moon – also the lack of acknowledgement about it. You explained that you were affectionate to the moon because of its beauty, shining brightly in the sky even when behind heavy clouds. Looking at it always made you feel somehow free, especially when some breeze hits your body simultaneously. 

Jake carefully listened to you with fond eyes and after you finished, he started to explain a bit of theory to you, sounding too smart. He looked very attractive saying words you didn’t even know the meaning behind and you noticed you were paying way too much attention to the way his charming lips were moving as he did so. 

And just like that you traveled around many subjects. You being more emotional and Jake more rational, respectfully giving each other the chance to speak, constantly but easily finding ways to match one’s energy. You finally felt heard that night. And one of the topics being, of course, the whole date situation.

“Ok, so what you’re telling me is that this Jay guy told you about his whole financial status, which I admit makes me kinda envious, and you still managed to end up here with me at some very random convenience store eating cheap lamen?”, he shook off the empty package of said lamen, staring at you with an amusement look.

“Yep,” you nodded, slurping the last bite of your food. “And also I called him stupid.” 

“At his face,” he completed the very important piece of information, finishing his food as well. Jake licking his lips to clean it up didn’t go unnoticed by you. “I swear if I was Jay I would be crying right now,” he stated as a fact and you groaned.

“Don’t make me feel bad for him, please,” you uttered with a whine and he laughed at you, his eyes turning into little crescents as he did so. “I swear he was nice and prolly had good intentions, but y’know…” you left unfinished, but Jake concluded for you. “He bragged about diamonds hoping you would fall for him or something.”

You furrowed your eyebrows and shook your head before drinking the last sip of your soda, “yeah, definitely not my type.”

Jake decided to restrain the urge of asking what your type would be, a little afraid he was off league. “Well, at least you got on a date with me,” he sneered. You chuckled. 

“I knew I would hit my pretty face directly on your so toned chest when I walked out that date,” you said sarcastically and then added “that’s why I decided to go in the first place.”

You were feeling way better now, belly full of good food that really pleased your taste buds and not drunk anymore, although you still let the boldness command your words through the talking once and while. You found out that behind Jake’s flirtatious and teasing way of speaking to you, there was also a very sheepish boy that would get flustered from time to time, like right now. He laughed off and drank the rest of his soda in order to run away from your very sharp but playful eyes.

Jake was so entertained by you. The way you expressed yourself so cheerfully and vibrantly. Whenever some topic of your liking was on the track your eyes would instantly get an almost childish sparkle as your hands motioned in a very exciting way and your detailed explanations would be voiced out.

Also he discovered you were a lot more confident than he thought you could be. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t liking this side of yours, audaciously flirting with him whenever you got the chance to do so, without holding back your bold responses. The feeling of the top of his ears burning knowing they were very much red was starting to become common for him. He did not had to know that you not only noticed his reactions, but was loving every minute.

Despite that, he tried to keep his cool.

“What are you up to after here, sugar?”, Jake asked forcing a nonchalantly tone while playing with the rings adorning his fingers, and yet again you were forced to remember the fucking cute pet names that got you flushed everytime he dared to say them. You looked away for a bit before answering.

“I don’t know, maybe go home… Watch some videos until I fall asleep”, you shrugged. Early on that day you weren’t expecting to find yourself in a situation like that, actually the whole program was to get “dicked down” – as Chaewon worded. However, you weren't disappointed either with how the evening turned out to be.

“Come on, Y/N,” your name went out too smoothly on Jake’s plumpy lips, his honeyed voice never failing to make you flutter slightly. Still you tried to keep your composure. “It’s friday and you’re wearing such a beautiful dress to what? To go home, watch videos and sleep?” He mocked the last part and you chuckled before lazily smiling in his direction, fully facing him. You recognized the tiredness starting to consume your body slowly which did not go unnoticed by Jake. Your tinted cheeks from the compliment also did not go unnoticed by him.

“And what would you recommend me to do, Jakey?”

“Jakey?” He raised an eyebrow, liking the way you pronounced the nickname a bit too much, thinking it was definitely something he could grow used to.

You just kept smiling, looking up at him through your eyelashes. You perceived how close on the seat you both were as if a magnet pulled you two together through that night, your bare shoulder slightly brushing against his clothed one from time to time.

“To be honest I just wanted an excuse to point out how gorgeous you are in this dress,” he licked his bottom lip as a habit while you didn’t even have the chance to properly receive the compliment, Jake being too smooth with it. “I don’t have any good recommendations, but if you’re down we c–”

The sound of your phone ringing interrupted Jake’s possible plans, making both of you startle. You saw Yunjin’s name on the screen and wondered whether to answer or not.

“Aren’t you gonna pick up?” Jake asked with curiosity. 

“Actually, yes I will,” you remembered you left your friends hanging on your texts and have been unintentionally ignoring them, so it was only fair to give a quick update just to make them sure you are still alive. 

“Hi baby”, you picked up the call with a smile, hearing a very drunk Yunjin on the other side. “No, I’m not home yet”, Jake watched as you talked on your phone with a neutral expression. He himself feeling a bit worried with the usage of nicknames and with your cute tone towards the person.

He knew you just went out on a date, assuming that you were at least looking to have some fun, however that fact should not be enough to stop you from being unavailable. Jake thought that a pretty girl like you probably already had a love interest in line.

“Don’t worry, Jinnie. You don’t have to come pick me up”, you glanced over at Jake who was now paying too much attention to the table in front of him, lost in his own mind and also trying to give you some privacy. You grinned, “I’m not alone.” Jake accidentally heard a very loud “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE NOT ALONE?” through your phone and had to hold back a laugh. “I’m with… Someone,” you kept your eyes on him as you spoke to Yunjin, grabbing his attention when you indirectly mentioned his presence. “I’ll talk to you later, yeah?” and then you ended the call with a “Love you, bye.”

“I didn’t mean to hear it, but I’m intrigued…” you knew where Jake was going with that, so you just kept your smile. “‘Someone’, huh?” He said with a smirk, clearly messing with you. 

You turned your head to someplace else because no matter how bold you can be sometimes, the following line that you let out made you hesitate a bit beforehand.

“Well, in my defense I don’t plan to introduce you to my friends through my phone, let alone as a mere guy I just met,” although you tried to keep your cheekily tone, it was obvious how shy you were feeling, gazing briefly at Jake’s direction as you said.

Jake hadn’t noticed until now that he was holding his breath a little, relievedly letting it out as he watched your pretty face and expressions. Regardless, the whole phrase made his head spin, replacing previous thoughts with new, more intense ones, all at once. What do you mean by that?

“Then how are you planning to introduce me?” he boldly questioned leaning towards you a little in order to find a way to look you in the eye again, finding adorable your demeanor right now breaking every little eye contact way too quickly. 

You giggled.

Jake thought he had just found his favorite sound in the world.

“We’ll see, Jakey.” 

Jake rode you home.

He noticed how lazy your hooded eyes started to look and decided to end the “date” instead of taking you to somewhere else, which you particularly found endearing. The bar was low, you admitted to yourself, but a cute guy being considerate for your entertainment other than just leading you anywhere else for his own amusement made your heart flutter. 

However, the moment he offered to take you home you immediately refused, emphasizing that he didn't need to worry and that you would not let him waste gas for nothing. The reply he gave was a not so subtle “I don’t care”, alongside with “I’ll not let you freeze outside waiting for a cab and I don’t trust you enough to let you borrow my jacket for tonight,” making you laugh at his little mischievous tone, especially because as soon as you both were in his car he put his black jacket on your shoulders.

“I thought you don’t trust me enough to have it?” You referred to the jacket, feeling too inebriated by its smell. 

“There's a big difference between leaving it to you alone without knowing if you'll ever hand me back and letting you have it under my watch, sweetheart.” His smug face looked too charming as he spoke and the damn sweetheart again got to you with ease. You chuckled while watching the street lights passing by. 

The ride was calmer than you expected. The radio played on some random station working as a beautiful background to the soft words exchanged between you two. You noticed Jake’s attractive side profile as he focused on the road rambling some physics thing in a very excited way. Your body felt too tired to keep any thoughts on track, leading you to just listen to his sweet voice embracing you mildly until you both arrived in front of your apartment building.

Of course he didn’t let you open the door and also helped you to get out. The touch of his warm hand under yours sended a shiver down your spine. 

“Thank you for the ride, Jake,” you said with a gentle smile.

“My pleasure, sugar,” your cheeks reddened hard as you started to take off his jacket. “You don’t have to,” he shook his hand in front of him, refusing to get the clothing piece back. You looked at him with a stunned-confused expression, lips parted a bit. Before you could even protest he interrupted you. “I need an excuse to see you again, right?” And send you a wink.

As if he said just a normal thing, he confidently got back to his car, letting behind a very flustered you. 

Little did you know how shaky his hands rested on the wheel as he drove off, looking forward to meeting you again.

Of course you had to spend your whole weekend waiting for Monday to come – a peculiar behavior you admitted to yourself. But neither you nor Jake got each other's phone number so all you could do was to wait and hope for the best. You didn’t even know if you would meet him again at the campus because you searched for him nonstop the last few days and never got the chance to do so, making you regret even more about not getting any information about where to find him.

His jacket rested on your desk chair as you deeply stared at the little stars adorning your bedroom ceiling. Stars that remembered how shiny Jake’s eyes looked when he started to talk about Theory of relativity or anything like that. You also remember paying just enough attention to understand and to keep the talking flow, focusing more on the way his lips moved as doing so.

You groaned, rolling on your bed sheets. How long a weekend can be? You were acting like a teenager for having a crush on a stranger! You knew little to no things about Jake. You knew his age – one year older than you, you knew his majoring and you also found out the reason behind him being at your campus block – he had to deliver some paperwork to a friend of his. But other than some common interests and his music taste, that was it. 

Was him a good person? He showed you a good personality for sure, to the point your heart sank with the idea of losing all that excitement to see him again just because he’s good looking and has a great talk. Still you kept questioning yourself. What if he was the player type? Just hitting for one night stand and that’s it?

Monday morning arrived but you did not had enough time to develop any more thoughts when you got to the university. As soon as you reached it, Chaewon and Yunjin flooded you with a very long investigation about what the hell happened that friday.

Talking in person was always an option for the three of you, the feeling of looking eye to eye and reading each other's expressions was more interesting than having to guess it over a phone or video call. Normally you three would pick a place to go and have a little "friends date" and talk about the stuff that happened for hours. However this time you choose to use the excuse you were busy studying, having too many assignments left behind which neither of them bought it from you.

“So Jay sucks?” Chaewon asked. “I don’t like putting it like that,” you murmured. “But yeah, we just didn’t hit it off, y’know?” You just shrugged.

You three were walking towards the class you shared that morning, not caring much about being a little late. 

“Baby, you’re too nice,” Yunjin hugged you sideways and smiled at you. “You can say a man is stupid.”

“Actually I did,” you smiled mischievously and they both looked at you with shocked expressions. “Not my proudest moment, but I said it to his face. Unintentionally, I swear!”  

Chaewon and Yunjin broke down the shocked expressions to laugh out loud with the idea of you calling your failed date a stupid right to his face.

 “And what’s with the jacket?” Yunjin questioned when you stopped to grab your things from your locker.

She knew every clothing piece you had as if it was hers because of your constant need for help in terms of putting together what you like, and even though the jacket looked good on you, definitely wasn't part of your wardrobe. 

“It’s Jake’s, I’m planning to send it back to him today.” 

They already knew about Jake, but not too much. You shared a little through texts not wanting to fill too much of their expectations. Knowing your two best friends, they would go crazy if you detailed your night out.

They both exchanged glances before Chaewon spoke “If he really exists.”

You rolled your eyes playfully, picking up all you needed from your locker before answering. “He does. And he’s… pretty nice.” You tried your best not to sound too whipped at that time, especially because you were still worrying if he would be loyal to his words or if the whole talk about meeting you again was just a big bluff. 

But apparently one thing about Jake it’s that he can counter you with ease. As if you summoned his presence, the honeyed voice that you didn’t realize until now you missed hearing, said from behind you. 

“Hey, pretty one.” your head snapped to the direction faster than you would like to admit, meeting the beautiful plump lips turned into a little smile. He looked you up and down, checking on you. “I don’t think I’ll need the jacket back. You look better on it anyway.” His eyes were locked at you, and only you. You had to remind yourself to breathe, because, God Jake was so hot. 

That day he opted to wear just a normal white shirt with dark jeans and black shoes. At first he thought about really getting his jacket back, because you didn’t know that but that jacket was his favorite. But as soon as he put his eyes on you and noticed how cute you looked with his clothing piece seeming too big like an oversized one, he gave up.

“H-hi,” you damned yourself for stuttering, being fully aware that your friends looked as astonished as you at that moment, but for different reasons. You started to get the jacket off your body by saying “Of course I have to give it bac–”, he shushed you with his index finger before you could finish and your eyes widened, making you stop all your movements.

“Don’t worry, I meant it when I say you look good on it,” you gulped as you nodded speechless. “Here,” he handed you a little paper and your shaky hands took it, you saw numbers written. “It’s my number, you can text me whenever, yeah?” He licked his lips suddenly feeling nervous.

Apparently being around you was an easy break of his flirtatious self. However, he forced himself on this one and said “I gotta go now, I’m kinda late,” he ruffled your hair gently before leaning close to whispering on your left ear, lips lightly touching your skin “See you around, sugar.”

You immediately choked on your own saliva, your cheeks burning like hell, fully unable to say a word. “And bye to you both as well!” Jake referred to the girls as he started to run down the corridor to his own campus building. 

“Bye!” both Yunjin and Chaewon said in unison. You had to blink twice before realizing what just happened. “Girl!!!” Yunjin screamed and you noticed Chaewon covering her mouth as well. “What the fuck?!?!” 

“I–” you tried saying anything but you couldn’t, not only because of your own brain turning into mush, but because your friends were way too hyped and interrupted you. 

“The way he looked at you?”

“THE PET NAMES!!!”

“‘Pretty one’!? He so down bad, what the actual fuck?”

“And he’s cute as hell!!!”

You were overwhelmed with all of that, walking just because the two girls were forcing you to move forward while keeping squealing about Jake's actions. 

“I know that nose can do wonders,” Yunjin said cheekily as soon as you sat in your class seats and you immediately turned to look at her with a terrified expression.

“Huh Yunjin!!!”, you smacked her shoulder with wide eyes and she just laughed together with Chaewon. 

As your ordinary Monday normally would go, you were now sitting under a tree reading the latest book your teacher assigned for an assignment. You always loved to take a break from the library and to literally touch some grass, using your free time to catch up with all the paperwork you needed.

A shadow approached you, blocking the sunlight and catching your attention. You didn’t expect to see Jake hovering over you. With a raised eyebrow, you asked. “Are you following me?”

“No, I just missed you.” He ironized, taking a seat near you and looking at your book. “You’re such a nerd,” he mimicked your position, so his head was also resting on the tree behind you two but he was facing you. Too close. 

You nervously gulped before saying, “Yeah, cuz I’m the one who likes to show myself off to a girl talking about Theory of relativity and other physical terms”, you sounded too sarcastic and instantly felt bad. “I’m not complaining, by the way,” you whispered looking away, part of you hoping for him not to hear but due to the proximity he obviously heard. And smiled.

Jake was afraid you could hear his heartbeats at that moment. Your side profile enchanted him in ways he could not describe. Your shy little smile got him thinking if it would be too weird to take a picture to have it with him forever.

He looked away, enjoying the silence.

“It’s very calm over here,” he said in a deep low voice, resting his chin on his knee. You took advantage of him not facing you anymore and watched him as he watched other people wander around, almost forgetting to say something back.

“Yeah, I like it here because it’s always calm like this,” he looked back at you when you talked. You forced yourself to keep eye contact for as long as you could, trying your best to ignore your burning cheeks. 

Jake looked away. You noticed he was flustered too. 

“And what about you, Jakey?” The little nickname spilling out your mouth like sugar, he almost melted. “Isn’t your campus like a few blocks from here?”

He chuckled, “Yeah, but I’ve got like an hour to spare before my next class.” You hummed. “So I decided to come over and thought I could maybe bump into you again,” he slyly smiled at you. You laughed at the term he used. 

“But I can go away if you want me to, sweetheart.”

You instantly shook off your head and almost grabbed his arm as if trying to stop him from getting up. “You can stay.”

“Okay.”

And he did. 

There was a brief silence moment before you plucked up the courage to ask. “What’s with the pet names?”

“You don’t like them?”

The worried puppy eyes he gave you almost broke your heart. “It’s not that… It’s just, y'know…”, you shrugged, trying to find the right way to put it. “Do you use them with everyone?”

You needed to know. You noticed Jake shuffling on his seat a bit, as if he was uncomfortable. And well, he wasn't fully comfortable either. There was no good explanation to why he called you all of that, and no, he didn’t use pet names with no other people but you. He dated two other girls before and of course called them cute pet names while being with them, but now you were the only one on his mind since the first encounter and he could not help it.

Jake was a believer of “love at first sight”, however he understood the necessity of getting to know the other person if he wanted to build something with them and never really got carried away with the primary delusional feeling.

With you he was kinda different. He let his flirtatious side shine way more easily than he would normally do. When he noticed how cute the girl who bumped on his chest that day was, he just let it all out. Little did you know that his first instinct of flirting with you was due to his nervousness. 

Now he would be down to a one night stand type of thing if you wanted to, but didn’t sound right to do so. You looked too precious to him. He wanted to be close to you and get to know every single piece of you before anything. He wanted to know your likings, interests and overall personality.

He could let himself fall in love with you.

Immersed in his own thoughts, he didn’t even realize he had become quiet and left you hanging kinda in a compromised position.

“You know what? Forget it,” you shook it off, feeling embarrassed. It wasn't like he owes you any explanation about his life or what he does with it. If he decided to play with your feelings, then you should know your position of not falling for it. “Tell me something very nerdy about your area,” you asked brightly. “I’ve got a few minutes still.”

You noticed how bold you became around Jake. Apparently that's how it worked between you two. 

He would be the one starting the whole thing, making you get too flustered for your own good with the cute names and shameless flirting, until he breaks out the character for a few seconds, enough for you to be the audacious one and make him blush.

At some point you started to get used to Jake’s presence in your everyday life. Both of you would constantly reach for the other during free time just to hang out, and sometimes to grab some food together. Yet you never let him get too close, fearing that you would let yourself get too attached to the feeling. You made it a rule not to fall for him and you’ve been holding on so far, even with Jake making it way too difficult. 

Jake was sweet, caring and not afraid to express his feelings when he needed to. Not only that but he also would remember little details about you, like your favorite coffee order or the fact that you can only listen to the first half of a song because you think the rest sucks – Jake always skips it when playing on his car radio. 

He got along with your friends easily as he’s a well spoken person as well, and even introduced you to his own friends. You met Heeseung and Sunghoon, the last one being a classmate of Jake while Heeseung studied music, both older than you. You found out that Heeseung was the said friend who made Jake wander around your campus causing the whole bumping-into-each-other situation and it became an inside joke among all of you.

Jake made it normal to ask you out from time to time within the excuse that both of you were overwhelmed with the university duties and deserved to see the outside world.

So after today’s classes you walked down the parking lot after receiving a text from him saying he would take you to a place – he refused to tell you where you were going. 

He was already waiting for you, being too attractive as he leaned against his car while looking at something on his phone. Your heart started to pump fast in your chest, making you take a few deep breaths beforehand. 

“Hey,” you greeted when you got closer and he glanced over at you, immediately opening a big smile and embracing you in a hug.

“Hi, gorgeous,” you took your sweet time to feel the warmth of his body and perfume. “Ready to go?” 

You moved back from the hug and watched as he opened the door car for you.

“Mhm, but you got me extra curious, so I’m having high expectations,” you tried to exaggerate in your words in order to get a little hint, but of course Jake was already getting immune to your tricks at this point so he just laughed.

“I’m sure you’ll like it, sweetheart.”

You settled yourself in his car, feeling way too comfortable with the amount of time you already spended there with him as you threw your bag on the backseats and chose the song for the trip. 

Jake dared you to show him your favorite songs every time you two drove together, but you wanted to get to know his music taste as well so you two decided to alternate who chose the songs for that day. And it was your turn.

“Paramore for today, huh?” He pointed out with a small smile.

“Yeah, you don’t like it?” 

“I love it.”

One of the reasons your heart beat fast when around Jake was the freedom to be yourself and just do whatever you wanted to do, without even noticing you caused the same to him with your charming behavior. Every time he stopped at a red light he would look at you bobbing your head and lip syncing to the lyrics excitedly while doing a little dance. 

He tried his best to not show how dearing he was looking at you, but you caught the cute brown eyes facing your side from time to time and the only reaction from both of you was to look away and blush. 

As the conversation flowed, he shared a bit of his day to you, telling about how stressed he has been because of his study partner being a pain in his ass, and the only hint of where you were going he let out was “And because of that, I need to de-stress and that’s why we goin’ where we goin’”. 

You pouted and forced the best puppy eye you could while looking at his direction. He almost broke out. “You’re mean. You don’t make a girl curious like that.”

“Don’t worry, we are almost there.”

You gave up trying to figure out where you were going and hoped for the best. You knew that with Jake nothing could be bad, because his presence alone was enough. 

Jake felt similar to you, not admitting out loud that just the fact that you were with him already reduced a lot of his stress. You may not know that but everyday he was eagerly waiting for the moment you both would meet during the day, and when you couldn't find time to do so, he was thrilled to receive a simple text from you.

Your presence was enough to make him happy.

It didn't take longer than a few songs for you to arrive at the place you instantly recognized as a beach.

“A beach?” You sounded excited, but also a bit confused. You don’t think you have clothes to enter the water and the sun was already starting to set, so you didn’t get much of his idea at first.

Jake parked the car and as usual, he opened the door for you. “Yep. I know it’s kinda late for a swim or anything like that, but it wasn’t planning to do anyways,” he helped you to get out.

Normally he would let your hand go as soon as you felt stable on your feet after leaving the car, but that day he decided to hold your hand as he gently pulled you in the direction he wanted to take you.

You said nothing. How could you? The slender fingers holding yours had broken you down. The air felt thick in your airways as you walked alongside him, heart beating louder and louder while you watched the beautiful view of the sun finding its way down the horizon. The cold breeze hit your face and brought so much peace to your inner self. You could live forever like that.

Jake suddenly stopped walking and since you were a bit behind him, you bumped slightly at his back, hands still together. You looked over his shoulder and gasped. The place you two were now had a better view of the sunsetting and the waves calmly hitting the rocks sounded way too heavenly.

You blinked slowly, reluctantly letting Jake hand go as you walked a bit forward. Behind you, he watched as your hair flew due the breeze.

"It's so pretty..." you uttered under your breath, mesmerized by the look of the orange and pinkish colored sky. You felt like crying. 

He took a few steps and glanced at your serene expression. 

While you enjoyed the view, Jake enjoyed you.

"Yeah, very pretty."

You had no clue of how fast Jake’s heart was beating right now. He was hypnotized by you, a sudden urge to kiss you building up his mind right away. 

“I now understand why you come here to de-stress”, you said after a while, the sound of your sweet voice bringing him back to reality. He had literally lost himself on you at that very moment. 

You lazily smiled, feeling extra calm and glanced at Jake, who was already looking at you with soft eyes.

“Thank you, Jakey,” you hugged him sincerely. “For bringing me here and for being here with me. I needed that.”

Jake sighed, hugging you tightly. At this point there was no way he could hide the thump-thump in his chest, and honestly? He stopped caring if you noticed or not. 

He stopped caring if you noticed he was – not so slowly – falling for you. 

It was a stressful week for you, not only were you on your period but also dealing with a bunch of deadlines. You considered throwing yourself in front of a bus when you realized how left behind you were in your assignments. Your finals getting closer and closer didn’t help either.

For good and long days you almost locked yourself at the library in order to catch up with everything, because even with the help of some friends that shared the classes with you you were barely holding on.

Jake would appear out of nowhere and give you a cup of warm coffee, some muffins and a little kiss on your forehead before heading out and letting you do your thing.

“I just wanna make sure you’re eating well, princess,” he would say every time. And no matter how lovingly his actions would be, you couldn't allow yourself to feel them because of your anxiety of failure.

And yes, ever since you asked about the nicknames and stuff he started to use them more often than your heart could handle, especially after he discovered that you liked them, even if you didn't admit it out loud.

Friday arrived. You wished you could get excited about going out to the little party Jake said Heeseung would be throwing that evening, but you needed a good night of sleep and your whole body was aching due to your period. You just wanted to sink on your bed sheets after taking a hot shower.

One thing that became normal in your life was getting a ride with Jake some days of the week, unfortunately he didn’t have any classes on fridays so you just had to walk your way home. You took your sweet time to feel the cold autumn breeze hit you on the face hoping it would take away all your stress. The buzzling sound of your phone caught your attention as you saw Jake’s text on its display.

Jakey 🐶:  Hey there princess It’s been three days since I last saw you and I’m ngl, I kinda miss your pretty face lol I hope you’re doing well I left you a little smth at your apartment.  At the door, ofc Don’t freak out, I didn’t stole your keys or broke into your house or smth Please, don’t stress yourself too much <3 And dw, I’m not mad you’re not going to the party Have a good rest, pretty girl. AND PLEASE don’t forget to eat!!!!

You almost cried reading all of that and blamed your hormones for being a mess of feelings. 

You: Hi Jakey!!  Kinda miss you too you left something to me? i’m kinda scared I’m dealing with cramps rn so I’m not so fine, but I’ll eventually, dw! And yeah, I’ll make sure to eat and rest well enjoy your night, pretty boy <3

You noticed you felt much braver through texts than in person, but this was the first time you were the one using a nickname so you were shaking a bit.

Jakey 🐶: AJDKSSJDJS SORRy I Yeah, uhm No need to be scared, princess, I’m sure you’ll like it  Cramps? Take on some medicine, please!! Do u want me to come over? Are u home yet?

He sounded so desperate and nervous that genuinely made you laugh out loud. But with a simple text back saying “no, you go enjoy your night out and I’ll enjoy my bed” you finished the conversation as you finally arrived home. 

Near your apartment’s doormat, there was a pretty bouquet of daisies alongside a little box of chocolates. You noticed a little hand note inside the bouquet. 

“I remember you saying you like these flowers and everyday I pass by a flower shop and always think about buying it for you, so today I finally did. There’s chocolate too. Hope you like it.

Have a good rest, princess.

Jake”

You took a deep breath in order to hold back the tears trying to escape. Not falling for Jake was a difficult rule to follow, and you didn’t know if you wanted to keep doing it anymore.

“So what you're telling me is that Jake left his house on a fucking Sunday morning and brought you ice cream because you... were feeling too lazy to go buy it yourself?”

“When you put it like that…” 

Chaewon, Yunjin and you were sitting at one of the furthest tables in the cafeteria that you usually went to when the three of you wanted to gossip or just meet to catch things up. It was a late afternoon on a Tuesday and you barely had time to see them in the last few days, mainly because you had missed a few classes to finish reading other teachers' required books.

“The real question is: why aren’t both of you dating already?” 

Yunjin was flabbergasted by what you were describing about Jake. There’s no way that guy wasn’t in love with you at this point. She didn't understand what was taking you so long to ask him out already, especially because she noticed that Jake was kinda holding himself back.

“Yeah! He follows you like a little puppy and looks at you like you are a goddess or something!” Chaewon added. “I mean, you are a goddess, but to get someone to look at you like that?!”

“Girl, you gotta bag him ASAP!” Yunjin playfully pushed your shoulder, but you weren't feeling that happy about all of it.

You sighed. “But what if I’m just a fun little game to him?”

“What?!” It was funny the way both of them said in unison, but instead of laughing you just continued with a sad voice tone.

“Y’know, he’s been flirting with me since the very beginning. I don’t know. Part of me believes his words and actions, they seem genuine. But the other part is way too afraid of trusting too much,” a single tear ran down your cheek as you frowned. “I don’t want to be hurt again.” You whispered as you looked down. 

“Baby,” Yunjin, who was sitting next to you, hugged you sideways and planted a sweet little kiss on top of your head. “We know you’ve been through a lot of shit because of your stupid ex, but I don’t think Jake’s like that.”

Chaewon, who was in front of you, took your hand in hers as she spoke. “Yeah, and you know, If he tries something or if he dares to break your heart, you’ll always have me to make his life a living hell.”

You smiled through the tears running down all over your face. With a reassuring look, Yunjin asked. 

“Give it a try, yeah?”

Jake knew what he was getting himself into. He would be fine if you put him in the friendship side, but the thought of having you to himself pleased him way too much. The idea of other guys touching you the ways he wanted to, knowing that none of them would treat you right, consumed his mind as much as the vision of your pretty smile. 

The urge of getting physically closer to you was itching him incessantly. 

Ever since he discovered that he was in fact falling in love with you, he became unable to get you out of his head. It was like a kind of mantra that chanted your name every time he saw something that reminded him of you, and almost everything reminded him of you.

He didn't had the courage to ask you out on a proper date so far, because even though the both of you had developed an incredibly nice friendship, he was too afraid that he was seeing beyond reality because of his delusional self, and more than that he was scared as hell of losing you. 

You probably only thought of him as a friend who you could playfully flirt with, he would say to himself. At the same time, the way he sometimes caught you looking at him seemed much more loving than it should.

There seemed to be more love than friendship in that relationship of yours. 

He was also having to deal with the hard job of avoiding kissing you. Recently he found himself getting lost on your lips too often. A dangerous play. Still he kept you as close as he could, hugging you or having at least one of his arms around your shoulder or waist in order to fulfill a bit of his neediness. 

Thinking about you and only you, he sighed, finishing his business at his locker, finally reaching the book he was looking for and placing it in his backpack. 

"Ok, quick question", Jake almost screamed at your sudden appearance when he closed the metal door, widening his eyes and dramatically putting a hand on his chest. You laughed. 

"Firstly, what are you doing here?” He said after catching his breath. “Secondly, why do you like to scare me so much?", he kinda whined and you laughed.

"I just wanted to know if your name is really Jake or if it's a nickname", you smiled innocently. Jake on the other side of the hand didn't buy your "pure" expression, glancing at you with a raised eyebrow.

"Why would you run all the way through here just to ask about my full name, which I’m pretty sure you already know?" He wasn't buying any of that.

"Because I wanna manifest you in my life," you answered like it was obvious and you both began to walk side by side. You were going to be very late to your class but your professor has to understand that sometimes you have more important things to do other than attend classes.

"I thought I was already in your life...?" Jake was trully confused.

"Yeah, but I kinda wanna you in my life more than just what you are right now.”

"What are you talking about, Y/N?" Saying your name was an indicator that either he was serious or very confused, either way you didn't care much so you just carried on with your talking. 

“Go on a date with me.” He stopped walking and so did you. Jake looked at you, blinking without saying a word. "On a date, you know,” you motioned with your hands, losing a bit of the courage you had to build up to do all of that. “We go to someplace, grab some food, wait for the night to fall down and boom, stargazing while we talk about our amazing theories of life or whatever.”

Jake gulped, scratching the back of his neck nervously. Normally he would be the one programming the whole thing and just saying you are both heading to somewhere, but to have you asking like that… If he understood it right, you were asking him to go on a real date.

"Sounds like something we already do." He let out a breathy and nervous laugh, still trying to thoroughly understand what you were saying, looking if there was some kind of joke hidden behind your eyes. 

You looked extra attractive today, as if you dressed yourself up just for this moment. Just for him. He noticed you were wearing his jacket as well.

"It pretty much is, but at the end of this one I want to be able to kiss you,” you said in one go. “On the lips, if it's not clear."

Jake now was more speechless and completely baffled than ever. He was sure he was dreaming. It became normal routine for him to dream of you lately so of course this was all a trick of his own mind trying to compensate for his neediness of you. 

He was so fucking dreaming.

With the lack of response, you thought you fucked up. 

“I-I’m sorry, I–”, you started as you felt your confidence running away from you immediately. “Just forget about what I just said, I should not have said anything to begin with. I’m so sorry, ok?” You noticed your hands trembling. Due to your nervousness, everything you had on the back of your mind just went out. “I don't know what I was thinking when I decided to come here and try to take our relationship to a next level or something. But it's been so hard to be around you without wanting you even closer,” you whined. “And I finally got the courage to ask you out on a proper date, but you clearly don't see us like that so forget about it. I’m sor–”

No one. Not a single soul could prepare you to be silenced by Jake’s lips on yours. His hand automatically grabbed your waist as yours went to rest on his chest.

Kissing in the middle of the university hallway wasn’t the ideal way of tasting each other's for the first time so Jake decided to not take too long on holding the contact, breaking it to say “I’m sorry, I needed you to shut up.” His lips brushed on yours as he spoke. You blinked twice and breathed heavily, feeling the touch of his warm hand on your skin as he cupped one of your cheeks. You looked for his brown honeyed orbs, catching them exchanging glances between your lips and your eyes. 

 “We can go out on a date,” he brushed his thumb softly on your bottom lip. “The one where we go to some place, grab some food, do whatever you want and I can properly kiss you.”

Jake was fighting demons not to kiss you again. He was absolutely certain he would go crazy, just a little taste of you and he already felt like he was starving, his body totally dependent and reactive because of you. 

“Okay,” your voice was barely a whisper and you had to use all your strength to stop yourself from leaning in to feel his touch again. Instead, you reluctantly pulled away, immediately missing all of his touches; you felt your skin tingle in every place he had touched you. Still his hand rested on your waist, unable to let you go. “I gotta go,” you noticed how his eyes wandered all over your face, like he was taking a picture with it in order to save it from the rest of the day.

You smiled, hesitantly sliding your hands away from his chest. 

“Alright, sweetheart,” before you could let him go, he grabbed one of your hands and planted a gentle kiss at the back of it. “I’ll text you later then?”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

You had to hold a scream when you heard your doorbell ringing. Chaewon and Yunjin who were in a shared video call squealed for you.

They looked more excited than yourself and you really appreciated the effort they took to help you out even with their busy schedule for the day, deciding to call you not only because they knew you would be nervous as fuck but also because Yunjin was willing to help you with your outfit choice.

You ended up wearing something cute, but cozy and warm: a matching pair of a top and long loose skirt, patterned with a black background and some stars and moons, a black boot and as a final touch: Jake’s big jacket. You also did a little hairstyle with two small braids at the front and the rest of your hair loose. 

Yunjin noticed how confident you were in choosing the clothing and even doing your hair, showing that you didn’t need much of her help – which normally she would dramatically react to, but today she just felt proud and happy for you.

Jake made you comfortable enough to be yourself whenever you were with him.

And you were going on a date with him.

A fucking proper date.

You said a quick ‘goodbye’ to your girls who replied with a very high pitched ‘good luck!’ and then hung up, walking towards the door and needing to take a few deep breaths before opening it.

As you did, you greeted a very smiley – and hot – Jake.

He was glowing. 

Not only was his face glowing but he seemed overall confident. He was wearing a reddish flannel jacket that covered an oversized black shirt together with his everyday silver necklace, jeans and black boots. A perfect combo, especially to you who loved to see a man in red – you once told him about this preference of yours and was questioning if he did it on purpose.

The silky brown strands fell perfectly in place again when Jake ran his hand through it and licked his lips after shamelessly checking you out.

“Hi b– Oh my god, you look stunning.”

Early the day through your texts you decided to go simple but special on the planning due lack of time. The whole idea was kinda in a hurry, but after getting to taste a little of how it is to kiss Jake, you needed the action of kissing him to become an everyday routine as soon as possible, so the initial plan – the date will be happening on a chill day for both of you, mostly likely Friday – was replaced by a very eagerly “Ok, I’m taking you to a place” said by you.

“And you look hot,” the wording flew out your mouth faster than you expected and instantly your eyes went wide.

Jake smirked as he leaned into the door frame. “Appreciate it, baby.”

Baby.

You were so fucked up. There’s no way your heart could handle this the whole night. 

Jake noticed the way you just blinked at him without saying a word and he just knew you were absorbing the whole situation before becoming confident over him. It was the way you worked and he loved that. 

So he decided to take his sweet time and take a bit of advantage over your flustered self as he walked closer to you. “I brought what you asked,” he sounded a bit too sexy saying such simple words and little did you know that he deepened his voice a bit just for fun.

Due to the closeness, Jake scented your perfume and swore he was getting drunk, too intoxicated by your sweet smell.

You looked at the bag he lifted and nodded, fully in a trance. You forced yourself to snap out of it as you reminded yourself you have a fucking date and finally spoke “Oh, right. I’ll go pick up what I’ve prepared for us!” You walked towards the kitchen. “Do you want anything? Water maybe?”

“Just you.”

You choked on your own saliva as your cheeks started to burn. You foolishly thought that at least Jake wasn’t aware of your reaction, but as soon as you got back from the kitchen after picking up the picnic basket with the sandwiches you made, you realized he was very much aware and messing with you with the flirting as usual. You could see in his eyes a strange mix of false innocence and mischievousness. And of course, in that little game of yours you would always win.

“Well, you already have me,” you winked at him as you pulled yourself together and now was time for Jake to lose his composure, blushing. “Let's go?”

“Y-yeah.”

You gave him an address and he drove you both to the place, fully trusting you. You wanted to surprise Jake since he was usually the one who surprised you, but you hadn't gotten your driver's license yet so you needed him to do the driving in order to achieve your goal. That's why you decided to give him an address a little further away from your final destination, so both of you could walk there without him suspecting anything.

Jake was feeling like a happy puppy, very excited about what was going to happen tonight.

He was curious about your plans, especially after you asked for a picnic blanket and some beverages – “a night picnic?” he asked as you two texted. He remembers you just replying with “lol don’t fool yourself”.

He didn’t know what to expect about the place really, and not only that, he couldn’t stand the urge to kiss you properly. God, he was so in need of you it hurted. Having you next to him, your scent all over him, your sweet and lively presence, and not being able to touch you was driving him insane.

“I don’t wanna you to get high on expectations, Jakey,” you said softly after a while with a concerned voice. Jake had stopped at a red light and the silence wasn’t awkward, but it was undeniable that you were worried about the outcome of that night. 

What if Jake doesn’t like what you’ve prepared? What if he thinks you’re too dumb and leaves you? What if he doesn’t really wanna be with you? 

“I’ll like whatever you’ve planned, sweetheart,” just like Jake was reading how anxious was your mind, he uttered. “You are my company for tonight. That’s all I need,” he reassured you, holding your hand and resting it on your thigh. 

You glanced over at him to see his lips turned into such a gorgeous smile you almost cried. Jake was perfect.

“Okay,” you brought his hand to your lips and planted a small kiss. You tried to let it go after, but he refused.

Jake drove the rest of the way holding you, only letting it go when needed, but catching it again as soon as he could.

The warmth and softness of his touch took all the worry out of your head in a minute, and just like you arrived. Jake parked where you told him to do so and opened the car door and helped you to get out as usual. This time though he intertwined your fingers as he let you guide him through the way. 

“Don’t we need to bring the things?” 

“Nah, we have something to do before,” you tried to sound enigmatic, forcing an expression which made Jake laugh, totally endeared by you.

“Ooh, so mysterious.”

You both walked for a bit rambling about the surroundings. It was kinda in the middle of nowhere, with nothing much around and plenty of open space. Jake noticed there was a big building and before he could say a thing, you began to explain.

“So I know we both like astronomical stuff, right?” He nodded, looking at you. So pretty. “May I say you especially in a very nerdy way,” you softly pushed his shoulder with yours and he playfully rolled his shining eyes while failing to hold back a smile, full of adoration for you. “I thought about this when I realized I wanted to be more than just friends with you,” you stopped walking to completely face him, holding both of his hands. “Behind you at this exact moment there’s a stellar observatory,” you stopped him from turning around wanting to finish your speech first. “Apparently fate had worked through this, since today they don’t normally open to everyone. Only for reservations or something like that.”

You finally let Jake turn around and take a proper look at the place. You watched as his eyes began to shine even brighter, it looked like he was about to cry. You also noticed how his hand tightened around yours, as if he was nonverbally thanking you.

Jake was genuinely flabbergasted. How the fuck did he managed to find someone that amazing? 

“I’m not gonna ask how you managed to get a reservation here,” he joked.

You raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean by that?” He just laughed it off. “Well, I kinda didn’t,” you suddenly felt small, even tried to restrain your hand from his but he refused to let you go.

You ran away from his intense gazing, not wanting to see the disappointment on it as you kept talking “We’re not going into the observatory. We’re gonna use the telescopes they have open for use down here,” you explained. “Since today it’s a reservation only or whatever day, we get to use it freely. It’s definitely not the same thing, but I’m sure it can be cool.” you forced a smile still afraid to look at Jake’s direction. “I tried to book it for us I swear I did, but it was too expensive,” you uttered apologetically and again you were rambling due to your nervousness.

Jake not saying a thing helped nothing either. Little did you know he was as speechless as amazed with your witty self for figuring out a way of making that night special in such a short amount of time. He knew how hard it is to come up with ideas like that and to make it work. And you did it. Flawlessly. 

He was so falling in love with you.

“...I’m so sorry if I raised your expectations too high. I wanted to do something nice since you’re always doing nice things to me, you deserve bett–” 

Jake once more interrupted your nonsense speech by pressing his lips on yours and you instantly melted in his arms, your hands moving up to find comfort on his shoulders as his own went down your back until they rested on your waist, squeezing lightly. 

You moved your head to the side wishing to deepen the kiss, the whole fantasy of waiting for the special moment to finally kiss him was already blown apart as both of your bodies searched for the other’s. 

Your heart was beating fast and all your senses were heightened and sensitive, as if Jake had awakened a new sensation in you. A genuine sense of desperation for closeness. You needed more. Like reading your mind, Jake’s tongue touched your bottom lip at the same time your fingers scratched the back of his head, getting lost through his soft strands as you pulled him closer.

Jake touched you with care, he was kissing you so tenderly yet you could still feel his hunger for you. You weren’t different either. One of his hands came up to hold your face to help with the movement of your heads. You quickly found a pace, like two puzzle pieces being a perfect fit.

Neither of you wanted to part away, feeling too addicted to the contact. So whenever one broke down to breathe the other would reach over and start again, until your lips were a little bit sore. You pulled away unwilling, leaving little pecks on his plump lips as he did the same on yours.

Jake was unable to hold back his smile and didn’t even tried to, too happy about finally kissing you. “We have a little problem, baby,” he whispered as his dazzling eyes wandered all over your features. You looked even more stunning under the moonlight. “What?” You quietly asked back. “I don’t think I can or want to stop kissing you.”

You giggled, feeling shy under his intense but gentle gaze. He was adoring you and you could feel every piece of it.

“You don’t have to stop.”

And just like that you kissed again. And again. And again. 

You felt like a drug to Jake, so addictive, so intense, so you. He had the impression that all his problems would be solved instantly if you just kissed him. He decided that from now on at the end of a stressful day, he would search for your touch and your touch only.

“But I kinda want you to stop for a bit, so we can go see the stars,” Jake chuckled when you broke the kiss to say. 

“You love stars, don’t you, pretty girl?” He gave you a final cute little smooch while hugging you tightly. 

“Yeah.”

And even though you had observed dozens of stars that night, none of them shone brighter than your eyes together. 

You were dating. 

Actually there was no big difference from what you and Jake acted before, other than the fact that everyday that he went to pick you up to the university, you got to kiss him, which made you two develop the routine of waking a bit early just to get enough moments together. 

Also you started to feel comfortable to call him cute names, your favorite being pretty boy, very effectively when you wanted to fluster Jake and see him giggling.

The dynamic was similar, but way better.

When you told your friends about the night, they literally screamed. Of course you kept as a secret how romantic it was to lay down under the moon and starlight with Jake as you cuddled and shared kisses. But everything about Jake sounded dreamy. 

He was so cute and you were not so slowly falling in love. He would leave you at your classes everyday and kiss you good luck. Due to his recent research project his time was getting tighter, nevertheless he would squeeze his whole schedule just to see you for a minute or two. And of course, to steal a kiss from you. 

Most of your lunch time was with him, either when you had time to grab some food and eat in peace or when some of you two were in a hurry. On days like that, you normally would find him in the library, leaving him some snacks, water and a sweet kiss. He would do something similar to you. 

Gradually your relationship was growing stronger, however you still hadn’t done anything on the bed yet other than kiss and sleep together. You weren’t complaining! You loved to kiss Jake and to feel his warm body embracing yours.

He was very respectful towards you and you really appreciated that. He would initiate the kisses sessions most of the time, but rarely deepen it waiting for you to do it. His hands would never go further down your hips, even when you tried to force him to do it by putting it on your ass he relocated them back up.

But you were a woman after all. A woman with desires and needs. Strong desires and needs.

Even though you had a long-term relationship, it was only after the breakup that you discovered that your ex didn't give you any pleasure – or gave you anything at all. Your previous relationship was a mess, to be honest. Talking to people and listening to their experiences made you realize how shitty you were being treated back then – in every aspect!

You knew how to please yourself and most of the time was enough. However, it’s been a while since you last had sex and you could live without it normally, but there was Jake, all over you.

His smell, his pretty face, his touches, his lips, his fucking nose and his slender fingers… The way his veiny hands would hold the steering wheel drove you insane. You needed him.

It was a cold Saturday and you were watching him play your video game. Yeah, apparently Jake liked your video game more than you – this was you being dramatic every single time he stopped to pay all of his attention to you and decided to play something, but as soon as he starts to celebrate for defeating a boss, you just smile and forget about the drama.

Today was a bit different though. Normally you would pay attention to either the screen or to his pretty face and reactions, loving how expressive he was, always thinking Jake was a sculpture or something. But on this very specific day you paid more attention to his hand movements. 

The way his grip was strong on the controller and how his fingers moved on it was making you mad. He was biting his lip more than usual as well in order to concentrate and, God, you could feel your panties get wet just by watching him like that. 

Part of you felt like a perverted. 

At some point he groaned. Apparently something bad happened to him on the game, but you didn’t gave a fuck. The sound he left woken a strong feeling inside you.

“Why is this so difficult?” Jake asked frustrated, throwing the controller away on the couch in defeat and looking at you.

He wasn't expecting to meet your intense gaze on him, eyes darkened as your tongue traveled through your lips to wet it. 

His confused puppy eyes and parted lips were your last straw. 

You straddled over his lap, hungrily kissing him. You almost instantly sucked his bottom lip, looking for a more intense contact. You could feel he was a bit confused, hesitantly resting his big hands on your hips, not knowing what to do.

When you bite his lip you heard a whimper and that alone made you grunt against Jake’s mouth in response, pulling him even closer. You pulled a few strands of his hair and again he let out a sound for you, feeling him getting hard beneath your body.

Before you could continue doing your job, he said in an urge, his breath heavy. “I gotta go.”

You shook off your head whispering “No,” and pulled him again to keep making out with him, lewd kissing sounds filling the room, a total mess happening in your living room.

The feeling of his hardened bulge hitting directly on your covered wet cunt was making you rub yourself against it, hoping to get more friction. At this exact moment Jake forced you to move away from him, gripping your hips to stop your movements. 

“I really gotta go, I have some uni stuff to do,” he was breathless. You noticed how his eyes were different from ever, face red and skin hot. You blinked a few times as you just watched him put you back on the couch and stand up, trying to cover his obvious boner with his oversized jacket. He gave you a little kiss on the cheek and said goodbye to you before rushing out of your apartment. 

You had to satisfy yourself alone that night. And after that, you cried.

You started to question yourself. 

Yeah, Jake looked at you like you were the only one in his life. But was it enough? Does he find you attractive? Or better: does he find you desirable? Sexy? Hot? Sensual?

Since that day Jake started to run away from your more passionate touches like he was running from death. 

At first you thought he could be a virgin, and no problem with that. You would let him feel comfortable enough with you to try to do something more, however you knew he had other relationships and weren’t inexperienced either. 

Actually you even went to Sunghoon and Heeseung to ask them about it, to which they answered that Jake may be “boyfriend material” and only have intimate moments with people he somehow trusts, but he definitely wasn't inexperienced in that field.

So doubting yourself was your only option. You could also ask directly why he never did more than just kisses with you, but that option needed more courage from you than you had. 

“What’s with the frown, baby?” Yunjin asked you one day as you both decided to lunch together. You were giving excuses to Jake during the whole day in order not to talk to him, saying you were too busy and that maybe today you wouldn’t be able to meet him.

You sighed, playing with the food on your plate. “I don’t think Jake likes me.”

“What? There’s no way. He almost licks the floor you walk on. What did he do?” She was ready to throw hands.

“The real problem it’s the opposite. He don’t do it.”

“Do what, baby?”

“We’ve been dating for weeks and we haven't had sex yet. I’m almost crawling on my bedroom walls.”

“Wow,” Yunjin was shocked, eyes widened. For the way you two acted together, she thought that every single room of your house was blessed already. “Well, have you asked him why? Because that’s pretty much a ‘he’ problem as it seems.”

“I’m afraid,” you stated sincerely. 

“Of what, baby?”

“Of him saying something I don’t wanna hear. I don’t wanna lose him, Jinnie,” you uttered with sorrow. 

“Y/N, my pretty baby, remember we are talking about Jake. The man who woke up in the middle of the night and went to your house to kill a cockroach because you called him. The man who has a photo of you in his wallet. The man who had literally skipped classes just to spend some time with you because apparently he can’t live without you,” you started sobbing. “He likes you very much, Y/N. And he has shown to be someone who listens to you with adoration. Anything you say or ask him he would do his best to listen and talk about it, you yourself said that to me once when we were ranking green flags, remember?” You nodded. 

It was the truth. He was Jake. The man who demonstrates so much affection in every action. 

“I’ll talk to him. Thank you, Jinnie.”

“You don’t need to thank me, sweetie.” She kissed the top of your head. “You know I’m always here for you and just want you to be happy. You deserve it.”

You decided to talk to Jake on the next day. You weren't planning to “arrange a sex meeting with him” or anything similar, but to talk about it. So you invited him over that day, knowing he would be completely free because it was a Friday. You did a test early that day and were free as well.

Since he was going to your apartment quite often you gave him a key to make things easier for both of you, so when you heard the front door opening as you drank some water your heart started to beat fast in advance.

His scent followed all the way through your house directly to you. You felt his arms hugging you from behind and for a few seconds you let yourself get lost in his warmth. “Hey, gorgeous. How are you?” He whispered close to your ear, kissing your neck. You turned around to face him. “You look sad. What happened? Are you ok?” He flooded you with questions as his eyes worriedly wandered over your face. You just pecked him quickly before taking his hand on yours and leading him to the couch. 

Jake felt his heart sinking.

He maybe was going crazy, but he felt that you had purposely ignored him the day before, constantly finding a rather lame excuse for every solution he gave. He preferred to believe that you were not having a good day and respected your decision. But when you invited him over, it became undeniable how anxious he was feeling.

And the way you welcomed him at that moment made him even more worried, especially when you said the cursed phrase.

“I wanna talk to you about something.”

He swallowed, trying to keep it cool by saying gently “What is it, sugar?” as he reached for your hands to mildly squeeze it in reassurance. 

Even though Jake was quite tense, he would always prioritize you and the fact that you had some difficulty verbalizing what normally was bothering you, so he knew it was consuming you just as much.

“I– Actually I don’t even know how to say it,” you started shyly with a low voice, avoiding Jake’s gaze. “But I’m…”

“Y’know you can say anything to me, right?” Jake tried to encourage you as he gently pulled you closer and just like that you moved to sit on his lap, each of your knees on either side of his legs as you trapped him underneath you.

Without saying a thing, you hugged him to hide your face on his neck. Jake wasn’t fully aware of what was happening, but he wanted to give you some comfort so his hands caressed your back slowly.

After a while you muffled his skin with your breath while asking “Do you think I’m unattractive?”

Oh?

Jake had a delayed reaction to your question. “Baby, what?”

You drew apart from him enough to see his confused expression before looking away. “I don’t know if you aren’t sexually attracted to me or what, but you can always tell me y’know. I’m sure we can figure something out,” your voice was almost a whisper due your worried self about confrontations. 

“Baby, I’m so confused right now. What are you talking about?”

“I– I’d prefer you saying to my face you don’t wanna have sex with me instead of pulling me away from you every time we go further with our kisses,” as you finished saying, you felt your cheeks burning. 

Jake frowned, completely baffled.

Little did you know that Jake lost track of how many times he woke up with a painful boner after dreaming of you. Or how fast he would run away from you after a makeout session with you because of his body response to it.

He would first try to cool down with a shower, but everytime he ended up jerking himself off to get some relief, you being the only one in his mind, always moaning your name when cumming.

But, God, every single time he felt nasty, disgusted with himself. You deserved better. You're like a divinity to him, a beautiful and sweet woman, you needed to be handled with care and love and he was so afraid of hurting you.

The day you told him about your ex and how badly he treated you, especially in the sexual field  by not caring about anything but his own pleasure, Jake got mad. Really mad. 

How could one in their right mind leave you hanging, when your expressions of pleasure alone were enough to drive any man crazy? He could treat you way better. 

Sometimes Jake would get carried away while kissing you, going down to your neck to trail his lips over there biting and sucking slightly. And when he backed a bit to look at your face, he always met you with closed eyes nibbling your bottom lip, a ridiculously lustful view. 

Too hard to handle.

He had to almost physically hold himself back every time. He was afraid of scaring you with how much he needed you, with how much he wanted to get lost between your legs, making you scream nothing but his name, with how much he was willing to make you feel good.

And now he got to know that his actions were the ones making you doubt yourself, making you doubt his feelings and needs for you… He was feeling so dumb.

“I– I’m sorry, Y/N.” 

You froze. No nicknames, just your regular name.

“I never wanted to make you feel like this. I’m really sorry.”

You gulped the guilty feeling down your throat. “It’s okay, Jakey, I get it,” you smiled awkwardly, not knowing what to do next. That meant that Jake didn't want you in that way, right?

You were about to start rambling as usual and before you did so, Jake shut you up with his mouth on yours. You startled before reacting, moving your tongue with his and dipping your fingers into his silky strands, both of your bodies starting to get hotter.

Jake squeezed your ass while pulling you closer. “I want you, Y/N,” he was serious when you drew apart to catch your breath. “I want you so bad, my darling,” he was so desperate, your panties dampening just by how his voice sounded.

“Yeah?” You smirked, breathing heavy. “How bad, Jakey?” You noticed his eyes darkening. “Show me.” 

Getting back to work with his mouth in yours, kissing you very messily, Jake impulsed to stand up with you in his arms. You surrounded your legs around him to keep yourself steady as he stumbled a little on the way to your room. You giggled against his lips when he dropped you softly on the mattress and hovered over you, not breaking the kiss for a second.

Jake’s mouth tasted so sweet and hot on yours, you couldn't help but scratch his back and neck with your fingernails thinking how good he would be doing all that job down your cunt. His dick was getting harder and you could feel it, your mouth watering at the thought of sucking him off. You wanted so bad.

He parted away from your lips just to trail his own plump ones to your neck and collarbone, kissing, sucking and nibbling all the area before finally whispering against your skin, sending chills throughout your body.

“I really wanna eat you out,” Jake sounded determined. “I wanna taste you before anything, sweetheart,” your only reaction was a sigh mixed with a “please” that you were unsure if he heard.

But Jake was catching all of your sounds, from the quietest little whimpers to the slightly more intense ones, like the one you released when he removed your shirt and bra to work on your tits, his mouth sucking your left one while his hand cupped the other before he switched to do the opposite.

Before he continued to get down on you, you quietly asked him to remove his shirt and as he did, he revealed to you part of his perfect body. By the superficial touches over his clothes and of course the preview bumps, you knew he had a toned chest, but to see it all on display to you… You literally moaned at the view.

You promised yourself that later on you would give every bit of that skin the attention it deserved.

You watched him smile shyly before kissing your inner thigh, without breaking eye contact. Jake was absolutely certain he would cum in his pants at any given moment. The mix of your little sounds with the way you were looking at him like you were about to eat him alive triggered a strangely pleasant feeling. 

“Can I remove these?” He asked between kisses on your skin, pointing to your shorts. You nodded. “And these?” He pointed now to your panties and you nodded again, head resting on your pillow. “Yes, please. I want you.”

Jake noticed how wet you were through your last clothing piece and he literally had to hold himself back to not just dive right into you. He was getting dizzy by your smell, eyes hooded as he removed the only thing that stopped him from touching you like you deserved.

Jake salivated admiring your pussy, breathing heavily as he swallowed nothing.

At this point you were on the verge of crying due to your desperation and his unnecessary slowness, so you spread your legs even more and pleaded. “Please Jakey, I really want you,” you whined, grabbing his hair with your hand and forcing it down your cunt. “I don’t want you to hold yourself on me, pretty boy.”

And as if you casted a spell, Jake looked at you one more time before burying his face in you.

You gasped. 

He felt you dripping on his mouth and grunted, collecting some arousal with his tongue to spread all over your area before flicking it on your clit, sometimes sucking just the right amount and sometimes doing big licks. His tongue worked so damn well, you just rolled your hips in order to get more. You were so sensitive and so needy. His grip on each side of your body got stronger as he pulled you closer.

You moaned Jake’s name when he decided to use one of his fingers together with his mouth, pressing it on your entrance with care, just to familiarize you with the sensation before adding one more. After all, he just wanted you to feel good and not to be hurt. 

You kept rubbing yourself on his face and now grinding on the two fingers inside you. Jake was doing such an amazing job on you, curling his fingers the moment he needed to like he knew you from inside out, using the tip of his nose to rub your clit as his tongue and mouth worked in the rest.

“You’re doing such a good job, pretty boy,” you praised between moans and heard Jake groaning between your legs and intensifying his movements, eating you out as his life depended on it. 

“I wanna you to cum all over my face, princess,” he said, muffled. His skilful fingers moved at a steady pace. “I need that, give it to me, babe, please.”

Your orgasm was already building up inside your core. You felt the familiar sensation growing bigger and bigger until you let it out the loudest moan of the night as your back arched. Jake’s words and all the combo of his warm mouth and fingers inside you were enough to make you achieve your climax, trembling beneath his touches, grabbing his hair tightly.

Jake drank you like it was his favorite drink, licking every single drop of you with pleasure, his dick now painfully compressed in his boxers. He could get himself off just by eating you out.

He drove you through your high, movements slowing as he felt your grasp on his hair softening and your body less shaky. He kissed your pussy a few times and then crawled over you to kiss you on the lips. You watched your juices decorating his chin, nose and a bit on his cheeks before you felt your own taste in your mouth. 

Jake's hard, covered bulge rubbed against your bare cunt and you whined, breaking the kiss to down your hands all the way to his cock and to utter “Babe, you’re so hard.” Jake whimpered against your mouth and you flipped over to be on top of him. “Let me help you with that.”

And as you promised yourself, you trailed kisses all the way down his chest, putting your mouth and tongue to work through his soft skin, making him squirm a bit underneath you. 

You stopped once you got to the waistband of his pants, taking it off with Jake’s help and removing his boxers as well. You sighed, mouth salivating at the view of his veiny dick right in front of you.

However, you needed to feel him inside you, so you let your other desires for later, starting to move in a way you could sit on him.

“I wanna ride you,” you announced as if it was your only goal in life. “Like, really bad.” 

“Fuck, babe,” Jake groaned, watching you positioned yourself comfortably on top of him, quickly moving his hands to hold your hips. “Go on. Use me,” he threw his head back to just enjoy the sensation of finally feeling your walls around him, before realizing something was off. “But wait– Sugar,” he said with widened eyes, sitting up to hold you before you did anything. “You’re going in raw?” Jake questioned in disbelief. 

You blinked at him, confused. “You’re clean, right?”

“Yeah, but–”

“So am I. And on birth control, don’t worry.” 

Since you were still wet due your orgasm and because Jake’s little sounds aroused you enough, you pushed him back to bed, giving him a little peck before holding his dick and placing it on your sensitive area.

Jake knew he wasn't getting out of there alive. There was no way. How would he survive you? God, you were insane. And the way you slowly slid down on his length, using its precum to lubricate, sent him out of orbit in an instant.

He did nothing but open his mouth and moan, eyes rolling back to his head with the amazing feeling of your pussy coating him so tight and warm. He could feel you everywhere. He almost cummed just because of that alone, having to close his eyes tightly in order to concentrate enough to not let it happen.

“Oh, fuck,” Jake bit his bottom lip the moment you moved a bit, adjusting yourself. “You feel so fucking good already, fuck.”

You watched every reaction of his, enjoying it as a show. The frowned face in pure pleasure, the red wet lips, face all flustered and glowing, not to mention the dim light of your room working to make the view even more gorgeous and pleasant. 

Jake felt you staring and how you stayed still for a while, finding support on his chest with your hands. He opened his eyes to glance at you. You gave him a little smile and he reciprocated, caressing the skin of your body under his touch as he waited for you to feel comfortable enough to move by yourself. Jake watched as you started to move back and forth slowly on his cock, your eyes closing with how good he was filling you up. 

Although Jake's hands rested on your hips, he didn't force a single movement, letting you find your pace. He admired you for a moment, “you look so, so pretty right now, baby,” he praised sincerely, watching the way your expressions changed to pure pleasure as you moved faster.

You leaned forward to find his mouth with yours, kissing him, missing those pretty lips of his on yours. Your moans got lost between your mouths as you continued to move faster until you found the pace of your liking, Jake now helping you to keep it going. 

Lewd sounds of your bodies shocking against each other filled the room, mixed with whimpers as well as the wet kissing sounds.

Jake reached down with one of his hands to rub your clit, and by the way his cock twitched inside of you, you deduced that he was close to cum and didn't want to do it alone.

You drew apart from the kiss to rest your head on the curve of his neck, sucking the skin as well as whimpering against it. The position leaded Jake to have his mouth directly on your ear, and with all the stimulus happening at the same time, his dick hitting your g-spot, his finger rubbing your sensitive nerve and his voice moaning your name in your ear, you started to clench furiously on Jake’s length.

“Wait–”, you barely heard him saying, too lost in your pleasure already. “Where do I c–”

“Inside,” you answered quickly before he tried to pull off.

“Fuck.” Jake’s head was spinning, he was seeing stars. “Be my girlfriend,” he let it out in one breath.

“What?” You asked back under your breath, questioning if you were hearing things due pleasure.

“Let me be your boyfriend,” he said panting. “Officially. Be my girl, please. Be mine,” he begged with a groan, cumming inside of you. 

You openly moaned his name, rolling your eyes back as your orgasm also hit you. You thought that alone could answer his question, keeping on the movement to ride you two through your highs, his strong hands gripping you tightly and your whole body shaking.

You stood over Jake's body for a while after you stopped your movements, catching your breath and feeling his liquid leaking from inside of you. 

He helped you to lay back on the bed, both still panting, both so happy about what just happened. You forced yourself to stand up just enough to kiss him before you said, looking deep into his eyes. 

“I’m already yours, pretty boy.”

That weekend was intense. Still, you just couldn't get enough of Jake. And he wasn't too different. 

Now your routine had changed a little more. He was still the sweet and kind Jake, worrying about you, asking about your day, listening to you rambling about random things, and always bringing you food on your busiest days. But it seemed like you had awakened a monster inside him.

Of course you didn't complain, especially because the one who was getting the benefits was you, who wasn't that different either, never getting enough of him.

Whenever Jake was stressed, he would usually take you somewhere to watch the sunset or to stargazing while talking about life and theories and obviously, kissing you.

Now he started eating you out. Almost every time. And sometimes he would mix these two, taking you somewhere beautiful and eating you out inside his car.

Jake had eaten you out in every room of your apartment, saying that him eating you out got him off more anything else, and you actually witnessed him cum untouched a few times, looking so fucking hot while doing it.

Nevertheless you still couldn't had the chance to give him a proper head. Jake would be saying you didn't have to do it, like you felt obligated. Little did he know that you wanted to feel his dick filling up your mouth and his cum going directly down your throat. Oh, you wanted so badly.

At this exact moment, you were sitting on your kitchen counter with your legs spreaded being supported on Jake’s shoulders as was getting lost between them, diving in your juices, making you cum with his tongue deep inside you. You reached for his hair with your hands, grabbing to bring him up and kiss him fervorous. 

“Take me to the bedroom,” you demanded with an urge. 

And how would Jake deny such a sweet request?

The moment you got into your bedroom, you tossed him on the bed. You were hungry for him, and him only. 

You saw his already hardened cock marking his sweatpants and without giving Jake time to complain, you removed all his clothing pieces – he was already shirtless – and had him naked underneath you. 

As usual, he thought you would ride him. Out of all the positions you’ve tried so far, this was a favorite of his – to look at you while you use him for your own pleasure felt too insanely good, so he got excited in advance. But you decided to surprise him this time, contradicting his expectations as you bend over to be at the same height of his pulsing cock, head pretty close to it.

He panicked.

“What are you doing, sweetheart?” He asked and tried to sit, but as soon as he did you pushed him back to the bed. 

“Imma suck you off,” you said like it was obvious. You wrapped your hand around his length and started to pump it.

“Y–you don’t have to, princess,” he stuttered, feeling hot under your soft touches. “Let me fuck you, mhm? You deserve to feel good.” He tried to sit again and you pushed him back one more time.

“Sucking you off will make me feel good too, Jakey,” you blew a bit of air on his shaft, he shivered. “Don’t you get that?” Your hands worked slowly on his dick, moving up and down, smearing the precum out of his slit with your thumb. He bit his lip to hold back a whimper. “Or do you think you're the only one who gets horny by giving pleasure to others?”

You ran your tongue all over his shaft, closing your eyes as you felt the salty precum taste spreading through your mouth, playing a bit with his tip.

Jake kept hiding his sounds from you.

His hands were squeezing the duvet under his body to the point his knuckles started to get white when you gave a little more attention to his head, realizing that this was his sensitive area. You took advantage of that.

Without a warning, you put his whole cock in your mouth in one go, feeling it hitting on your throat.

“Mhm,” he tried to contain his grunt, hips thrusting forward slightly and his left hand smacking the bed one time before grabbing the sheets again.

You held your position for a few seconds, making sure to breathe through your nose, before moving back and forth twice. Jake squirmed under you, still quiet.

“Why are you hiding from me, pretty boy?” You asked with a low voice when you backed off to breathe, hands replacing your mouth as you did so. Jake finally let it out a little whimper and you smiled. “I wanna hear you, baby.”

“I’m sorry,” he said apologetically, once more biting his lip in order to contain himself. 

The reason behind his choice of behavior under your touches was literally due his fear of scaring you off. He would be a total mess if he let it all go as he really felt. Your hot mouth around his dick sent him to hell and heaven all at once, you didn’t had to do much for him to start seeing foggy and being a whimper mess.

Jake felt your lips coating him again and groaned, back slightly arching.

“So gorgeous, Jakey,” you backed off only to encourage with a smile, jerking him off before going back to suck him. He couldn’t hold back his loud moan, eyes rolling when you sucked his sensitive tip. You quivered. You wanted more of him. “Keep on making these pretty noises for me, yeah?”

Although he was afraid of scaring you off, one thing he loved to do was to obey you, to fulfill all of your requests. Whatever you told him to do, he would do it. So when you told him to be vocal, he started to be vocal. 

Your mouth swallowed all his throbbing cock, his tip going deep in your throat, precum going down on it. Jake threw his head back, open mouthed, spilling all the little noises you loved. “Fuck, mhm, that’s it, babe,” he breathed out between groans and put one of his hands on your head without forcing you down or anything, just resting there.

The way your throat was pressing his sensitive tip as you swallowed around it, God, he was getting stupidly close. Jake dared to look down at you, meeting your strong gaze as you devoured him like a last piece of meal. “Fuck, you’re doing so good,” he gasped, rolling his eyes. Jake felt a familiar burning wave all the way through his body. “Fuck, I’mgonnacum”. 

You kept your movements steady, lightly scratching his thighs before you felt Jake’s body start to shake, his moans intensify and his cum hitting down your throat. You swallowed every drop of it before letting his dick with a pop and using your thumb to clean up the corners of your lips as you crawled back to kiss him passionately. 

At this point you were already horny again, so as you kissed him, feeling his shaky hands all over your body, you pressed your bare cunt on his softened shaft and moved a bit. He parted the kiss, trying to push you away.

“I– I don’t think–”, he tried saying. “I’m sensitive, baby– Ahh...”

“Yeah?” You rubbed your bare cunt on his dick with a sly smile. “So you don’t want me to ride you, Jakey?” You kept waving your body on him, forcing a disappointed face with a fake pout.

Jake trembled, feeling his eyes water in a painful pleasure. “Of c–course I– I do, fuck.”, his voice cracked, eyelids closing. He was fully unable to stop you at this point, and he didn’t wanted to anyway, so he just started to sob as you kept sliding on him, back and forth, slowly, painfully slowly.

You were sending him into overstimulation, loving his reactions, loving how desperate he looked. Legs squirming beneath you, eyes tearing up, hands messily trying to figure out what to do, facial expression switching in a mix of pain and delight.

“Please…” He begged. He didn’t even knew for what. Neither did you, so you asked. “Please what, Jakey?” You stopped moving. “You want me to stop?” 

He hurried to answer “No! Please, don’t– Don’t stop.” Definitely his begging wasn't about stopping. His breath was short as you started to move again, still slow. Too slow.  “Go faster, please darling.”

And how could you deny such a sweet request?

The wet sound of your pussy rubbing against his cock was too lewd. You leaned to kiss Jake, who wasn’t able to kiss you back properly due his undergoing situation. His was dick hardening again against your folds and that was your last straw.

Yeah, he was desperate because of overstimulation, but you were desperate to feel him inside you. So you repositioned yourself to slide him deep on you in one go, making both of you scream.

You threw your head back and instantly started to grind on him, making circle movements, sending both of you to cloud nine. 

“Babe I– I’ll not last long– damn.” Jake said breathlessly, hands helping your hips to move.

“Make me cum with you, please,” you begged and of course he would never leave you hanging, so he did his work, rubbing your clit at the same pace as you bounced on him.

You felt your climax building up rapidly, breath getting heavier and heavier, body shaking as you heard Jake saying under breath "I'm cumming", while throwing his head back and filling you up with his warm liquid. You shivered, moaning louder and achieving your peak right after.

Your body fell over Jake’s, who immediately hugged you, panting, all sweaty. “This was…” He started to say after a while, still inside you. 

“Good?” He analyzed your expectant eyes when you got up to look at him and chuckled at the difference of the demon eyes you were giving him earlier.  “Incredible,” he kissed your forehead. “You are always incredible, my love.”

It was a weirdly sunny day when Jake seated you on his car hood, fitting himself between your legs while his hands rested on your hips, drawing little circles there. 

You both decided to go out that day to celebrate your new job. But instead of going for a fancy dinner or anything similar, you decided to follow the roots of your relationship and asked Jake to take you to see the sunset. 

And he would never deny anything to you. So here you were, looking at the pretty sky behind Jake’s back when he himself was sunk on your neck. 

"Why does the sky turn orange during sunsets?" You asked nonchalantly, feeling Jake's kisses on your skin. He was inebriated by your scent and acting as if he was getting drunk on you. 

He loved that. 

He loved you.

"It has something to do with the light traveling through the atmosphere. Don't make me do my homework right now, baby," he said muffled, unable to leave your warm embrace. You chuckled.

You loved that. 

You loved him.

"Sorry," your fingers slid through his hair, scratching slightly. He hummed in response. 

It’s been two weeks since you started to call him your boyfriend and he started to call you girlfriend, the honeyed voice always making you melt. 

Nevertheless none of you said I love you yet. Not that you two needed to. You felt Jake’s love on every action of his. The way he would look at you so dreamily at any point of the day, how he would embrace you so tightly at the end of a stressful one. Or how he would always clean you up after the sex, even when he was tired as hell. He treated you like a goddess. You felt it. 

It was as clear as crystal water that you loved him too, at least you thought. 

You would purposely ask questions about astronomy just to have him speaking animatedly in technical terms that you often didn't understand very well, but loved to see him sparkle in joy. Or when you cooked his favorite meal just to see his puppy eyes widening in surprise and thank you with a sweet kiss. Or even when you watched him play video games for hours without complaining, actually enjoying and hyping him up, sometimes playing together when he asked you to. 

Jake, actually, noticed every bit of it. 

He himself making sure to love you every moment of his day, making sure you were safe, fed, warm, and most important: happy.

Jake loved your smile. He loved to see you ramble about your favorite songs and flowers and chocolates and movies and everything. 

He loved everything about you.

You exhaled. The feeling was consuming you, you had to let it out. The ache of holding it to only your actions wasn't enough. You needed to say it.

And you did. In one go.

“I love you.”

Jake lifted his face off your neck to look you in the eyes, kind of shocked by your sudden statement. “I don’t care if you don’t love me back, but I love you. More than stargazing, more than feeling a cold breeze under the moonlight, more than listening to my favorite artist. None of those feelings overcomes the feeling of having you around,” you caressed his cheek. Jake listened to you with attention. 

“You color my world by just being around. Every part I go I look out for you,” you could see Jake’s eyes watering. “And I do find you in everything, because, Jake, you became my everything. It’s scary how much I need you. It's scary how much I can love you,” you rested your forehead on his, closing your eyes. “So yeah, I love you,” you whispered at the end.

Jake's breath got heavy as he assimilated all your words.

God, he loved you as much as you did. Lately he had to deal with the urge of telling you the three words, afraid of scaring you off as always. But now he knows you are as much in love with him as he is with you, and he felt so damn lucky.

"You wanna know something that has nothing to do with physics?" Jake spoke softly after a while in silence trying to find the right words. You weren't expecting that question after your confession. "What?" you asked in a whisper.

He looked so gorgeous under the golden light. 

"I can watch a hundred sunsets with you," he said softly, loving eyes at you. He gently put a strand of hair behind your ear, as usual, and continued, "And you’d still be the prettiest view."

Jake didn’t had to verbalize “I love you” after that, but he did. 

He did it continuously. He did it before you went to sleep and when you woke up. He did it before leaving you at your classes and as soon as he picked you up. He did it out of the blue, while you were vacuuming your apartment and he was dusting the furniture. Because no matter how much he said, it didn't seem enough.

It was love at first sight, blessed by the moonlight keeping their love secrets and under the sunset light, keeping their sweet passion burning.

[merchelsea]

sacrifice - lando norris

pairing: lando norris x fem!reader

summary: you and lando have a long distance relationship due to your hard work. you rarely have free time to attend to his races, the only one you actually attend every year is monaco's. you understand things will have to change when lando gets into a crash and that makes you want to be there with him at everytimes.

author’s note: i hate making myself go through this.

word count:

warnings: lets pretend lando crashed duriung the interlagos gp, not the LA one, for the sake of the plot :)

"hey, babe!" you mumbled as you stirred from your nap. originally meant for a quick rest before the race, it turned into a marathon of sleep that spanned the entire duration of the race. checking the timing, you muttered, "shit."

"were you asleep?" he chuckled.

"yeah... I'm sorry babe. I was just trying to catch up on some sleep debt before the race. I am just tired..." you explained with a low rumble. lando always had a away of understanding things. "anyways, how did it go?"

"not so well, i am kind of glad that you didn't watch it, you would've freak out unnecessarely." he sighed

"why? what happened?" you sat up, eyes squeezed shut in alarm.

"it was nothing serious, just a crash." he reassured. the word 'crash' froze you, an unsettling feeling settling in your chest. "I'm fine now; I'm at the hospital doing some tests."

you didn't answer him and he immediately sensed your worry, it was your usual reaction whenever he had an incident. it was your own way to deal with stuff. "I'll have to stay here in brazil for some extra days. we don't want to rush things. everything is alright, but still."

"yeah, I know. how are you feeling? any pain? wasit bad? why are you at the hospital? is there anything they're worried about?" your thoughts rushed out, anxiety evident. you wished you could've been there with him, knowing how much he disliked going through hospitalization alone.

"calm down, baby. I'm fine, no pain. they gave me painkillers for my headache," he began, his voice carrying weariness and sadness. "the crash felt horrible from inside the car, but I've seen the footage, and it wasn't that bad. I don't think they're worried about anything specific, just my racing career," he added with a hint of self-deprecating humor.

"shut up. you know those jokes aren't funny, right?" you retorted, hating his tendency for such jokes. "anyways, I miss you so much. you have no idea." placing your phone on the bed, you awaited his response as you searched for your notebook.

"I know babe, I miss you like crazy too. and i won't be able to be home for some more days, as i told you. i hate it." you both sighed. "but it's okay, i'm glad you weren't here this time."

although you felt the honesty in his words, you could also know that it was pure bullshit. he wanted you to be there more that anything, and the fights you two had over the past weeks showed that clearly.

lando felt your support fading away and, as always, he talked about it with you, but there was nothing you could do, you could not just leave your work and follow him around the world.

your life had to come first. you couldn't be financially dependent. you had never wanted that for yourself.

"I love you, lando. you know that, right?"

"i know. I love you too." anuncomfortable silence lingered, more apparent to him than to you, as you were preoccupied with booking a flight to brazil. "look, I have to hang up to do some exams. I'll call you as soon as I can, yeah?"

"yeah, okay. keep me updated, for the love of god." he laughed and silently hang up.

as soon as you were able to, you called your boss, letting her aware of the whole situation, who, understandingly, granted you a week off, more than you needed. grateful, you expressed your thanks in every single way you could.

as you couldn't just fly there without someone knowing, you called lando's dad to let him know that you were going. he was thankful that his son had found someone who cared so much about him, and as so helped you through everything.

you would obviously be staying at lando's room with him, so you didn't need to worry about that, but there were things you actually needed to deal with and that's where he was an absolute angel, taking care of everything for you.

the flight proved to be torturous; sleep eluded you, your mind consumed by worry for your boyfriend, presently hospitalized in a foreign country that held no appeal for him. the inability to communicate with him intensified your anxiety, and the endurance of such a long flight was a challenge unfamiliar to you.

the only thing keeping you focused on trying to sleep was knowing that you'd see lando soon and that you needed to be sane.

once you arrived in brazil, adam had already sent an uber to pick you up and drop you at the hotel. you were eternally grateful for him. your appreciation deepened when, upon entering the hotel, you found everything seamlessly taken care of, allowing you to reach his son without delay.

he drove you there himself, the casual conversation during the car ride centered uiquely around the topic most dear to both of you—lando's health.

every detail adam shared heightened your awareness; lando was okay, but not as well as he should be. the information failed to ease your mind, creating a lingering unease.

after reaching the hospital, the attending doctor informed you that lando was still asleep but encouraged you to enter. you opened the door to his room, and an immediate sense of tranquility washed over you. lando's peaceful slumber tugged at your heartstrings, and the sight of his features made you want to cry; you had missed him so damn much.

you took his hand, staying by his side as he slept. despite your exhaustion, the anticipation of his awakening kept sleep at bay.

lando woke up and confusedly stared at you for five minutes straight. in his head, he was trying to figure out if you were real or if his desperation had just made you up. you squeezed his hand and that seemed to clear his mind. you were in fact there.

"love?" he muttered, scared of being wrong.

"hey baby" you whispered to him, smiling softly.

"you're here? what are you doing here?" he hurriedly sat up, his expression filled with worry, like he wasn´t the one on a hospital bed.

"i'm here to see you." you extended your hand and let it travel through his face. "got the week off, couldn't leave you alone." his smile was priceless. he rushed his arms around your waist, since you were standing now, and pulled you closer to him, head in your belly.

when he told you he had missed you like crazy, he didn't define it well enough.

he locked his lips with yours as soon as he had a chance. you missed that feeling, you missed it too fucking much. you missed everything about him too fucking much, and maybe this misfortune was just what you needed to realize that something had to change. you couldn't miss him like this all the time.

it was literal hell, for the both of you.

adam entered the room after some time and, from his face, you could see he carried good news.

and you were right. "you are free to leave today, all the exams cameback with positive answers. you still have to stay in brazil, of course, a flight so long could jeopardize your health, so you'll have to stay for a bit longer, but you two can go stay at the hotel for tonight.

you and lando celebrate this little "victory" with each other and then you start talking about going home, anticipating what you'd do.

the room was uncharacteristically quiet as he payed attention to the TV and you lost yourself in your own mind.

"I think I might quit my job." you let out with your head layed in his chest. he twists his head to look at you. "what?" he asks, clearly confused, in his head, trying to figure out where all of this was coming from.

yes, it's true that he didn't like to travel around the world every year and leave you behind, and it's also true that this past year, he felt your support fade away, but he didn't want you to leave your life in second place for him. he knew, and understood, how important for you it was to have your financial independence.

he had started to feel guilty, even though this was not his fault.

you thought and rethought about it during your flight, since it was the only thing you could do. of course you never wanted that, but you also couldn't bare the distance anymore, and his accident showed you that.

you wanted to be there, to be able to celebrate every single one of his podiums by his side and not over the phone, you wanted to be able to hold and support him whenever he needed you to do so.

six years into your relationship, neither of you envisioned it ending anytime soon. if it did, you had your savings, but for now, you craved closeness.

"seriously. i want to be with you. i think i never noticed how affected i was by your absence, but i am a lot." you admitted with a sigh. helistened intently. "I want to be able to be with you."

"are you for real?" he asked, concern in his eyes. "I don't want you to feel pressured to do that. I love you whether you're here or on the other side of the world."

"I know, lan. it's not like I would stop working. I just have to find something within my capacities that allows me to travel around the world with you. and it's not like you're going to break up with me, leaving me with nothing. I have my money."

"it's not like I'm gonna break up with you, period." he smirked. "we're a forever thing."

turning you around as if you were as light as a pillow, you wrapped your arms around his neck.

"I love you," you whispered against his lips.

"I love you too," he whispered back.

[greenwitchfromthewoods]

broken trust. [epilogue] l Joel Miller

Summary:  you used to be very close, but he broke your heart, now your paths have crossed again

Warnings: +18, angst, smut, swearing, crying, unprotected sex (don't do that), unplanned pregnancy

A/N: this is the last chapter of this story. i wanted to thank you all for this journey. i didn't think i'd be able to finish it… but it was nice to write for these couple of wonderful people who always left some mark. you're amazing! i apologize for all the mistakes and shortcomings. I hope you will spend a few nice minutes reading my scribbles. a few people mentioned tagging - @vickie5446 @dreamtofus @missladym1981 @hiroikegawa 🖤 

[PART 5]

"Now you slowly release the clutch and press the accelerator. Slowly... Slowly..." the whole car shook several times "Ellie, calm down... It's nothing. You just have to..."

The car shook again and the engine stalled. A wailing groan escaped the girl's throat as she let go of the steering wheel.

"I'll never learn this." she sighed.

"Don't say that. You're doing really well."

"Really well?!" she repeated after you, and you wanted to laugh seeing her face "This fucking car has probably turned off a thousand times!"

"So what. Maybe if it turns off a few more times, you'll finally learn?" you lightly nudged her in the shoulder "Ellie, it's not the end of the world. Let's try again."

You had been sitting in this car for almost two hours. Ellie was getting angry the whole time, but she didn't give up. Finally, after a few more failures, the car slowly moved forward.

"Yes! Fuck, I did it! I did it!" she shouted in delight "See that? See that?"

"I see! You're doing great." you laughed "Now try to slow down and stop. Slowly... Ellie, don't kill Joel. Please!"

The car stopped suddenly and the girl turned off the engine. Happiness was written all over her face.

"Can we do this again tomorrow?" she asked excitedly.

"No problem." you replied and turned around as the door on your side opened "Oh! Hi, Joel. Are you back already?"

"Yeah, just a second ago." he glanced at you carefully and then his gaze moved to Ellie "You were supposed to watch her." he said seriously, although you could see the smile hiding in his eyes "Admit it, it was Y/N who talked you into taking her out of town."

"At this speed we'd make it to the gate in a week." the girl replied "And I keep an eye on her all the time! She's right next to me."

"I only left you for two days..." Joel sighed, but now he smiled "How are you feeling?"

"Good. Really!" you laughed seeing his look "I can't stay home all the time."

"But  you should. Come on, we need to change your bandage."

He offered you his hand to help you out of the car and slowly led you home.

Doc didn't want you to leave the clinic too soon, but you insisted. It wasn't until Joel suggested that you could live with him and Ellie for a while that they could keep an eye on you. You knew that Ellie felt guilty about what had happened, and Joel would feel calmer if you were close. So you agreed.

You moved into a small bedroom upstairs and within two weeks you really got into the place. Joel and Ellie didn't let you do anything for the first few days, and at least one of them was always home with you.

With some difficulty you convinced Joel that he didn't have to carry you up the stairs, you'd just walk really slowly. Then Ellie said that his old spine wouldn't last that long anyway, and you tried not to burst out laughing.

What was between you and Joel had calmed down too. You both felt like you were living in your own little bubble and you were fine with that. You saw him smile more often, and it melted your heart every time.

How could you know that his heart grew when he could go back home, where he knew you were. That was enough for him.

"You should take better care of yourself." he stated as you laid down on the bed and pulled up your shirt. "You still have stitches."

"I feel really good, Joel. You have no reason to worry." you replied, watching as he disappeared into the bathroom to wash his hands, and then returned to you with a small box prepared by Doc. "How was your patrol?"

"Quite normal. A bit boring." He replied, pulling up a stool and sitting next to the bed. "Did Ellie finally manage to start the engine?"

"Yeah, but she shook my soul out of me." You laughed. "She really wants to impress you, you know."

"She doesn't have to do that. But I'm glad you two get along so well."

His warm fingers slowly removed the dressing from your body and you both glanced at the healing spot. The skin was still slightly red, but the wound was fresh, so it didn't worry you.

"You were bleeding a little." Joel noticed, showing you a few spots of blood on the dressing.

"The stitches are pulling. I can't wait for Doc to take them out."

"Maybe you should have them a little longer?" he suggested, washing your wound and gently drying it with a clean towel.

"I suppose you think I should stay in bed until Ellie is of age." you stated and he smiled as he put a fresh bandage on you "I don't know what else I should do to make you believe that I'm out of danger.”

"Just be reasonable."

"Reasonable is my middle name."

Maybe you shouldn't have, but you really enjoyed your moments together. When he first touched you to change your dressing, it was almost intimate. It wasn't until a while later that you were both able to act more freely, and Joel made sure he wasn't hurting you.

For him, it was a nice feeling to have you under his roof. He missed what you used to have, but if what was now was all he could get - he had no intention of giving it up. Even though you were sleeping in the other room, you were alive, you were close to him, he could hear you.

You ate meals together, spent evenings together. You didn't flinch at his accidental touch, and it even happened a few times that when you entered the kitchen you stroked his back, Joel closed his eyes then because of this tender gesture.

He missed you even though you were right next to him. He missed being close to you, missed the warmth of your body. But he only had these few moments that were going to be taken away from him anyway.

It was getting quite cold and the sun was setting really early when you returned home smiling, although a little bit frozen. Ellie was curled up on the couch reading a comic book while Joel was adding wood to the fire when you stood in front of them and lifted your shirt to show your freshly healed scar.

"Doc took the stitches out!" you announced excitedly. "I should still be careful, but he says everything is okay now."

"Cool!" Ellie's face lit up. "How many scars do you have?"

"She should have as few as possible." Joel mumbled, glancing at the healed area from the surgery.

"I have two other pieces of news." you announced, sitting down in the armchair and smiling at them like you just won the lottery. "Since everything is okay, I'll go back to my place tomorrow. You can rest from me."

"No!" Ellie groaned. "And the second one?"

"I met Tommy. He said that since Doc doesn't see any contraindications, I'll be able to go back to my old activities soon."

Joel stood up. You noticed right away that he wasn't in the best of moods.

"I don't think you should come back so soon." he mumbled. "You shouldn't take risks."

"Joel, Doc says she's fine!" Ellie pointed out.

"Maybe, but she almost bled out on my hands. I don't want to risk that again."

Silence fell. The atmosphere became tense in an instant. All the joy you brought with you escaped like air from a burst balloon.

Joel avoided your gaze, but took a defensive stance.

"Ellie, can you go to Doc?" you finally said. "He said he could use your help. They brought him some supplies yesterday."

"Yeah, sure." The girl nodded, standing up and quickly putting on her jacket. "Just don't kill each other here." she mumbled and left, slamming the door.

You rested your elbows on your knees and intertwined your fingers, sighing quietly.

"Joel, you knew perfectly well that I wouldn't stay here forever." You began calmly, trying to choose your words carefully. "All of this was for a moment. Until I feel better. That was what you said."

"I just don't think you should go back to your duties yet. It's not safe for you." He replied, resting his hands on his hips and looking down at you.

"You can't watch over me all the time, Joel!" You groaned, getting up from your chair. "You have some kind of…obsession..."

"Obsession?!" He interrupted you mockingly.

"Yes! You can't control everything. You can't protect everyone. You know perfectly well that I can handle it."

"You almost died last time!" He growled.

"I'll die someday anyway, Joel. You can't save everyone..." You approached him and wanted to put your hand on his shoulder, but he stepped back. "I'm sorry."

You passed him and headed towards the stairs. You wanted to pack your things so you could leave their house the next day. You only regretted that the atmosphere had gone sour so quickly.

You were already halfway up the stairs when Joel's loud voice reached your ears.

"I love you." He said, his voice trembling. You saw that his eyes were shining in the warm glow of the fireplace, he was truly moved. "I've loved you for years. I should have told you in Boston, but I was afraid. I was too selfish, Y/N. I thought I wanted you to be safe, but what I really wanted was to have you all to myself. I wanted to hide you from the whole world like some fucking treasure. When I lost you, everything lost its meaning. I was alone again. It fucking scared me."

You swallowed hard, feeling your throat tighten painfully. Joel took a few steps towards the stairs.

"After all this time, I met you again. I don't know what I should do to atone for what I did to you, babe." he continued, and tears welled up in your eyes. "I almost lost you twice. I can't take it anymore... I love you. I love you so much it hurts. If you want to leave, I won't stop you. I can only promise you that as long as I live, I will fight to keep you safe." 

You didn't have time to answer. You opened your mouth, but Joel stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him. Tears ran down your cheeks.

He felt empty inside. Everything that had filled him for the past few weeks had simply fled. It was as if someone had woken him from a deep sleep by pouring a bucket of cold water over his head.

He was afraid again. He felt that his hands were shaking slightly, so he pressed them harder into his jacket pockets. He already regretted telling you what he felt, but at the same time he was grateful that he had finally managed to get it all out.

He had never told you that he often woke up at night, because he dreamed about that night when you were injured, it still kept appearing before his eyes. He could still see your blood on his hands, he could still hear your weak voice.

Over all these years, Joel had forgotten what it was like to love. Love only reminded him of the pain of loss, and he didn't want to experience that again.

And then you appeared and became his everything. He had someone close to him again. And Joel was hungry for another person, closeness, intimacy, even love. When you slept next to him, he would often stare at you for hours. He knew your moves, knew your routines. Maybe you didn't even know it, but you had created a semblance of home with him then. He never dared to tell you that.

The last few weeks have been really good. And now he was going to lose it all again? How much more loss did he have to experience in this miserable life...

You couldn't sleep. You lay in bed and listened to the sounds in the house. Ellie appeared only for a moment, saying something about spending the night at a friend's house, and then she left again. You suspected that she sensed the nervous atmosphere and didn't want to stand between you and Joel.

He hadn't appeared until now. The house was quiet, and the clock quietly ticked off the minutes. It wasn't until around midnight that you heard familiar footsteps on the stairs and the door closing on the other side of the hallway. You lay there for a while longer.

Joel left you completely shattered, with a jumble of thoughts in your head and tears streaming down your cheeks. You cried for a while longer before you finally changed into your pajamas and laid down in bed.

But you couldn't take it any longer. You quietly left the room and walked barefoot through the cool hallway. Although you put your ear to Joel's bedroom door, you didn't hear anything. So you pressed the handle and slipped inside.

The room was dark, but you easily made your way to his bed.

"Y/N? What are you doing?" his slightly sleepy voice rang out as you got under his covers.

You didn't answer. You moved closer to him. Joel didn't even move. He felt your warm fingers touch his stubbled cheek, the warmth of your body right next to him.

And then you kissed him. For the first time in so long, he felt the taste of your lips again. They were salty from tears, but soft, delicate, just as he remembered. You kissed him slowly and didn't protest when his arms gathered you so that you were lying on his chest.

He wanted more. He slid his tongue into your mouth and deepened the kiss. He caressed you, eliciting the most beautiful sighs he'd heard from you.

"I don't want to hurt you, baby..." he whispered as you stood up and with a swift movement took your sweatshirt over your head.

"I know, Joel..." you replied seeing his eyes shining in the dark "I'm always safe with you."

He stood up and sliding his fingers into your hair pulled you in for another kiss. It was strong and full of longing that had filled his heart for so long. You clung to him feeling how much you missed him too.

Joel's lips slid down your neck kissing then your collarbone and shoulders. Familiar fingers slid down your back and then you felt them find the scar on your side. He sighed quietly feeling the length of your wound under his fingertips.

"I'm fine." you assured him kissing his temple.

His hand slid lower. In the dim light from outside he could see a new scar, a trace from when you almost died.

"I love you so much, Y/N..." he whispered "And it scares me..."

"I know, I know..." you took his face in your hands and found his gaze "I'm scared too, but I love you and it gives me strength." his eyes gazed at you tenderly "Yes, I love you. I've loved you for a long time, even though I wanted to forget about it. But I don't want to go back to how it was when all we have is this moment. Make love to me, Joel. I want to feel you again..."

In an instant, he flipped you over onto your back, trapping you between his arms. Your lips collided again. You managed to take his shirt off and soon your hands could touch the body they knew so well.

He was yours. In that moment, you felt it completely. When he kissed your breasts, and his lips hungrily closed on your nipples, you felt the excitement growing between your legs. It was so familiar, and yet so new.

You were different people now, so this was different too.

You lifted your hips slightly as he took off your panties, kissing your thigh tenderly. His hands caressed your body, touching every spot that drew sweet sighs and moans from you.

When you noticed that his gaze had once again wandered to your scars, you helped him find his way back.

"I'm here, baby. I'm with you." You said quietly, touching his face and directing his face towards you.

His fingers slid over your juice-covered folds. Your body recognized him, his touch, his closeness. It was eager to feel him inside too.

"Tell me you want me..." he whispered as he slid down his pants and his hard manhood popped out of them.

"I want you, Joel. I always have and I always will."

"I need to be inside you, baby. Then I'll let you come on my fingers, on my lips, but first..."

"That's fine, baby. I'm in no hurry."

A faint smile appeared on his face. He grabbed his cock and ran the tip over your entrance a few times. When he pushed in slowly, you closed your eyes, moaning softly with pleasure at how well he stretched your walls. He pushed all the way in and Joel lay on top of you, hiding his face in that sweet spot by your collarbone.

"Fuck, amazing..." he groaned "I've missed this feeling. You squeeze me so good, baby."

"Move, please... I need you..."

When he moved for the first time, you already knew you were over the edge. His cock moved inside you slowly. Joel knew your body perfectly, he knew just how to hit you to make you let out all those moans he loved so much.

And he used that knowledge, you were falling apart under him into a thousand pieces. Your nails dug into his shoulders, but he didn't even feel the pain. All that mattered was you and that moment.

"I can't hold out much longer, baby..." he panted, thrusting into you harder and faster. "I haven't had you for so long..."

"I'm close... so close..."

He rose, threw your legs over his shoulders, and began to pound into you harder and harder. In an instant, your whole body trembled as you reached your peak. Joel groaned as he felt your walls tighten around his cock. He thrust a few more times, then pulled out, spilling himself onto your lower abdomen with a loud moan.

"Oh, fuck! Sweet Jesus..."

You were both panting heavily, but you couldn't tear your eyes away from each other. He didn't have time to react when you unexpectedly sat up, grabbed his neck and pulled him closer, stealing his breath from his lips.

"I love you..." you whispered "I love you so much..."

A few months later.

"Do you miss this?"

"What do you mean?"

Ellie glanced at you from behind the book she was reading and widened her teeth.

"You know what I mean." she replied "Patrols, searching for supplies, shooting..."

"I definitely don't miss that last one." you laughed, but then hissed quietly as you stuck the needle in your finger "Fuck! I'm not cut out for this!"

"You have to be patient. You told me the same thing when I was learning to drive, remember?"

"Too good." you mumbled sucking on your aching finger "It'll take me forever to sew these buttons on."

The door slammed and you both raised your heads. Joel entered the house bringing with him the smell of freshly sanded wood. He smiled at the sight of you.

"Finally!" Ellie jumped up from her armchair "I was supposed to meet up with my friends, and you don't seem to remember how watches work."

"Sorry, kid. Tommy wanted to talk." Joel replied, walking up to you and kissing the top of your head "Go, if you have to."

The door slammed shut immediately and you were left alone. Joel plopped down on the couch next to you, his large hand resting on your rounded belly. He smiled when he felt a gentle kick.

"You're getting bigger." he noticed.

"Fuck, Joel!" you laughed, putting the material and the needle aside "You saw me a few hours ago. I don't grow that fast."

"You just think so."

You shook your head in disbelief. "I think you and Ellie decided to tease me throughout the entire pregnancy. Don't deny it! This morning she asked me if I could still reach the kitchen counter."

"And you can?"

You nudged him hard in the side. "Asshole!"

The news of the pregnancy came to you unexpectedly. Joel still remembered your terrified look when you sat down in front of him and showed him the pregnancy test you brought from the clinic. Your period was already five weeks late, but you didn't have the typical pregnancy symptoms.

You stared at the positive result without saying a word for a long moment, afraid of each other's reactions. Finally, Joel spoke first.

"Do you want to keep it?"

"I don't know, Joel. My mind is blank..."

And then tears rolled down your cheeks. He held you in his arms, and you cried and apologized to him as if this pregnancy was your fault. 

That night you talked about all the possibilities, all the scenarios. You both knew that bringing a child into such a fucked up world was the height of selfishness, but you couldn't make any decisions.

When you fell asleep at dawn, he stared at you for a long time, thinking about it all.

You were his everything. After that night together, you didn't leave his house, but even moved into his bedroom. Joel felt complete, for the first time in many years. After many conversations, you found compromises that satisfied you both and decided to try everything again.

And now - pregnancy. 

He didn't wonder when it could happen, it didn't matter. What mattered was you. If you told him you didn't want this child, he wouldn't protest. But you weren't sure about anything...

However, when you stretched in bed in the morning, mumbling a quiet "Good morning", Joel Miller already knew what he should say.

"Whatever you decide, I'll be there for you. If you want this baby, I'm all in. And you need to know that I'll do everything I can to keep you and the baby safe. I love you, Y/N, no matter what."

He finally felt like he was in the right place. He wanted everything with you - a home, a family, a future. He was finally thinking beyond tomorrow and he loved it.

"I think it's going to be a girl." he said, watching you get up from the couch to make yourself some tea.

"Really? Why do you think that?" you laughed, pouring water into the kettle.

"Just a hunch."

"Uhm. I like it."

"And I like you."

You smiled, and Joel thought that this was what heaven should look like.

Just like you.

the end.

☆☆☆

Thank you for your time.

[peacheeeliz]

006. DAY SEIZED (wc: 821)

You let out the umpteenth sigh of the hour, staring blankly at the disinterested boy that sat across from you in the library. He types away endlessly at his phone, not even sparing you one glance. You could disappear out of thin air right in front of him, and he would have no idea. How he was able to drown you out so easily was beyond you.

You're about to say something to him before a figure standing at the study room door catches your attention. Mark stands on the other side of the glass, smiling kindly as he waves at you. He raises his other arm, brandishing a plastic bag that you could only assume held the sweet, sweet dinner you had been craving for all day. You're positive Jaemin wouldn't mind, so you motion for him to come in.

Mark enters the study room, soaking in the bright smile that overtook your face; of course, it was for the tacos and not him. But, a man can dream. He places the bag down in front of you, “some refreshments, milady.”

You choke out a laugh, finally catching the attention of your unresponsive student. Jaemin stares up at Mark, finally showing some kind of reaction as a smile grows on his face. “Yooo, Mark Lee?” He starts, standing up to dap up the Canadian man. “Didn't expect to see you of all people here, man.”

“Haha, yeah,” Mark replies, eyeing the boy. As friendly as he usually was with the freshman, he couldn't help but feel disdain as he looked at his playful smile. He was sure that this was the first word he had said all night, and boy, was he correct. “So, Y/N here is tutoring you, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, she's a great teacher,” Jaemin answers, although he had to be honest; he didn't even know your name. You scoff, but he ignores it and continues. “I'm learning so much from her.”

“I could tell, you know, with the lack of notebooks you have out right now,” Mark notes, glancing over how bare his side of the table was. “You must be more of an auditory learner then?”

Jaemin hesitates before nodding slowly. “Yeah, totally,” he breathes out a laugh. “One hundred percent auditory learner.”

“Well, I'm glad you have Y/N as a teacher,” Mark continues, resting his hand on your shoulder. “I mean, she learned from the best. Her older brother, Jung Jaehyun.”

Jaemin's eyes go wide, and for the first time in three days, they finally turn to look at you. “Your brother… is Jung Jaehyun?”

“The one and only,” you answer, sending Mark a questioning glance before looking back at Jaemin. “He, uh, taught me everything I needed to know.”

“Wow,” he breathes out, eyes sparkling. “You've got to keep tutoring me, then.”

“I'd be glad to,” you reply, smiling at the boy's starstruck daze. You slam your textbook shut, bringing the boy back down to Earth. “But, looks like that's time. See you next time, Jaemin.”

The boy nods quickly, almost skipping out of the room in excitement. You struggle to hold in your laughter at the sight, shaking your head as you begin to pack up your things. “Thanks for that,” you tell Mark. “Don't think I would've gotten anything out of that kid if it weren't for you.”

“Oh, it's nothing,” he says, shrugging. “You know, you always complain about the attention you get because of your brother. But I think it can be a gift too.”

“I guess I'll take that into consideration next time,” you nod slowly, throwing your backpack over your shoulders. “And, I guess I also owe you one.”

“Oh, big time,” he responds. “I should be asking you to like, shine my shoes or something.”

You roll your eyes, and as you do so, your eyes flicker to the door behind Mark. You meet his eyes again, smiling at the cheeky smile that plays on his lips. “You should really kiss me right now,” you tell him, watching his mouth go slack.

He wants to question your words, but before he can, you're leaning in. Your lips meet his, and he instantly melts into the kiss. As cheesy as it sounds, fireworks are going off in his head as he reaches up to cup your cheek. But, just as soon as it happened, you pull away with a soft smile.

From behind Mark, Lee Taeyong appears on the other side of the glass door. “Day seized!” He shouts, quickly getting shushed by a nearby librarian.

“We're even,” you tell him, patting his chest before you go to leave.

“A plus, Mark,” Taeyong continues, laughing. “I know a life-changing kiss when I see one.”

Mark continues to stand there in shock, paying no mind to his instructor that dances away. “Yeah, fooled you,” he says to himself, as you were now halfway out of the library.

synopsis ⤏ mark, desperate to talk to the cute girl in his japanese class, forms a study group. who knew that other struggling college students might want to join a study group?

a/n: first kiss only six chapters in let's goooo 🥴🥴

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[slayfics]

Explosive Tendencies a slow burn fanfic about the readers developing relationship with Katsuki Bakugo.

Chapter four: You study with Katsuki.

Chapter links

With the completion of the internships, the end-of-term tests were coming up. You sat at your desk studying but couldn't help but wonder how your classmates were doing.

Everyone had gone into a frenzy in class about meeting up to study and being prepared. Multiple students had planned to go over to Momo's since she was at the top of the class. But since you weren't explicitly invited, you didn't want to show up. You still hadn't really connected too much with your other classmates.

You also overheard Eijiro and Katsuki make plans to study at a diner today. Fuck it I'll show up there, you thought. Katsuki did kind of owe you for fixing his hair anyway. Worst case if they seemed super irritated by it you could play it off as if you were just going to that diner regardless. That seemed a lot easier than randomly showing up at Momo's house considering you hadn't even spoken to her much yet.

You made your way over to the diner and almost as soon as you entered you were greeted with an overly enthusiastic "Hey!" that made you jump.

Eijiro had spotted you right away and waved at you to come over. Katsuki turned around with his usual annoyed expression to see who Eijiro had so openly invited to their table.

"Oh it's you," Katsuki mumbled.

"Hey, how's the studying going?" You asked, making your way over to their table.

"Uh, not so good," Eijiro laughed. "Bakugo's trying his best but I think I'm hopeless. Sit down and join us!" He said, smiling at you.

You reluctantly sat down next to Eijiro feeling a bit anxious. Aside from the times Katuski had snuck into your room, this was the first time you had spent outside of the classroom with any of your classmates.

"I'm kind of surprised you're not at Yaoyorozu's with everyone else," Eijiro stated.

"I wasn't really invited, and I didn't want to just invite myself like everyone else," You replied.

"You had no problem inviting yourself here," Katsuki said, looking up at you from his book.

You felt frozen, guess you didn't pull off pretending to just accidentally come to the same diner.

"Ah don't be so mean Bakugo, maybe they can help me. I know you are at your wits end with me," Eijiro said, laughing.

"Yeah whatever," Katsuki grumbled.

"Now that I think about it, I guess I really haven't seen you hang out with the others much," Eijiro stated curiously.

You're face flushed at his words, was it really that obvious that you hadn't befriended anyone in your class? "I uh.. well..." You stuttered trying to figure out how to answer him.

"Hey dumb ass, are you going to chat their ear off all day or are we going to study?" Katsuki barked at him.

"Right! Let's get back to it then," Eijiro said, focusing back on his book.

The three of you studied for almost the whole day. It surprised you to see how intelligent Katsuki was, his delivery was always harsh though. He'd get frustrated easily when Eijiro couldn't pick up on something right away, but you were able to explain in a calmer manner and that seemed to help.

Although, it did still take Eijiro an extended amount of time to fully understand concepts. With the sun going down you three decided it was time to finish up.

"Wow, ok I feel prepared for the written test now! I'm just worried about the test exercises," Eijiro said.

"It'll be fine shitty hair, you worry too much. You'll both do fine, and I’ll finally be able to show everyone how worthless that nerd Deku is and how much better I am than that Icyhot bastard," Katsuki replied.

You sighed, “Bakugo I already told you- I’m pretty sure everyone knows you would have beat Todoroki regardless of him using both sides or not.”

“Hm?” Eijiro looked at you both curiously. “Told him before? You two have hung out before?” He asked.

Your face flushed at Eijiro’s correct assumption and you weren’t sure how to respond. It seemed a little suspicious to say the truth- that Katsuki had snuck into your room three times now.

“Don’t be so nosy dumb ass,” Katsuki grumbled at him.

“Oh right-! Sorry! Anyway… Maybe the test exercise will be a team exercise and we'll get paired together or something! After today I'd say the three of us make a good team," Eijiro said smiling.

You smiled back at him unsure of how to respond to so much positivity. Katsuki just rolled his eyes at Eijrio.

It was striking how night and day it was between Eijiro's cheery demeanor and Katsuki's quick temper.

Tags: @unofficialmuilover @anon-mouse223

[somber-sapphic]

hii could you possibly do a jj x reader book where reader is in denial abt being ill 🫶

Too Far

〖Summary: You and JJ have a fight about your health. This is my attempt at angst (with a happy-ish ending), just a heads up that I am still practicing so it may not count as real angst and instead h/c.〗

〖Word Count: 〗

〖Pairing: JJ x Sick R〗

〖Notes: Every time I drink caffeine for writing I think it's a great idea because I'll be able to write so much but then I focus on something that isn't writing for several hours. I played too much Toon Blast. Also this is sort of edited but not that thoroughly〗

☾Masterlists☽

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

“Y/n what the hell are you doing?” JJ asked, her words laden with exasperation. You looked up from the case file and raised an eyebrow. The two of you had been snippy with each other all day, each of your nerves fraying as the days without catching the killer went on. The fact that Hotch had ordered you to the hotel made everything worse, the guilt of not being able to help the victims eating at you.

“You want to check your tone?” You snapped back, the hoarseness of your voice taking a bit away from the punch you meant to deliver. It was probably for the best, the combination of exhaustion, stress, and what seemed like more than just the sniffles was making you bitter. JJ rolled her eyes and walked over to the desk, dropping the CVS bag beside the papers you had been studying for hours.

“Cold medicine. Take it. And seriously, put the file away and lie down.” You rolled your eyes, something that caused an explosion of pain in your head, but it seemed worth it for the passive aggressiveness. You didn’t want her to know how bad you were starting to feel, you couldn’t give in to the pressure of the team, and everyone worked while they were sick. 

Your fever, stuffy nose, cough, and the pressure in your sinuses were not more important than catching a serial killer. Although the fever was really starting to bother you, weighing down your head and making your eyes burn. And your nose hurt from blowing it so often. And your body ached so badly that it felt like your bones were being squeezed. And your throat felt like you had lived off of a diet of lemon juice and broken glass.

“I don’t need cold medicine because I don’t have a cold. Why are you here anyway, I don't need a babysitter. Don’t you have families to interview?” JJ let out a harsh laugh and plopped herself down onto the bed, crossing her arms over her chest in clear frustration. What the two of you needed was a bit of space before a serious conversation but it wasn’t an option given the current situation. 

“Right, of course not. The obvious cold symptoms are nothing, you’re shivering in a 75-degree hotel room because of a nonexistent draft. And believe me, I don’t want to be here right now but Hotch doesn’t trust you alone.” That last comment cut deep and her face clouded with guilt as soon as she said it. She knew it was too far but it only hardened your resolve. 

“Then leave, there are six other people who could be here it doesn’t need to be you.” 

“Why won’t you just admit being sick? Why? You are not helping anyone here, the only thing you’re doing is hurting yourself. Do you honestly think this is a good idea?” JJ exploded, dragging a hand through her slightly greasy hair. She’d been too preoccupied with your health and the case to have time for more than a quick shower. 

“Do you honestly think I want to work like this? Of course, I feel like shit, my entire body is on fucking fire but if I stop working people will die!” You yelled back, tears brimming in your eyes. You’d finally said it out loud. You’d admitted to the thoughts that had been swirling inside of you, keeping you from even allowing people to talk about the way you felt. 

JJ’s face fell as you felt tears that you couldn’t blink away beginning to run down your fever flushed cheeks. You barely had a handle on your emotions before but now the walls had crumbled to dust and you couldn’t take it. You felt so shitty for so many reasons, it was so hot in your skin and you were struggling to keep case facts straight in your head which only upset you further. 

“Sweetheart,” JJ murmured, taking a half step forward. She’d seen you break down before but never on a case, when it happened it was always at home. 

“No! No! JJ we’ve been here for weeks, he keeps taking them and we don’t even know why, we can't tell these people anything. They hate us, they have every right to fucking hate us! There has to be something missing and-and I can't just sit here and do nothing while people are dying!” You were sobbing now, your chest heaving as you tried to calm yourself down. You wrapped your arms around yourself in a tight hug, a self-soothing method that usually worked to calm you down. The switch had been flipped, you were acting on pure misery. 

“Y/n, honey you said it earlier. There are six other profilers doing everything they can to find the killer. You being sick is not your fault but it is something we need to take care of. If you keep going like this you’re going to mess up, you’re going to hurt yourself, there are so many reasons why you need to rest. Come here, lay down, let me take help you. Please.” 

She was right. You hated it, but she was. You were already mixing up facts about victims in your head, there was really no way that you could be of any use right now. The last thing you wanted to do was stop but even worse would be providing false information that would throw the team off the trail. 

Despite your hesitation, it didn’t take long for JJ to get you settled into bed. She was working with the determination of a worried mother hen, moving quickly to check your temperature, feed you some medicine, and put a cool cloth on your head. You huddled under the fluffy duvet, your body already beginning to shut down now that you weren’t forcing yourself to work.

“I’m sorry Y/n. I haven't been fair.” JJ said softly, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. She flipped the cloth on your forehead, sending a wave of cold through your body. You didn’t like it but she insisted that it needed to be there. 

“Neither have I. But I can’t right now. Can we wait until we’re home?” You pleaded, voice exuding weakness. Even if you wanted to have that conversation there was no way it would be productive in your current state. JJ nodded in agreement and let out a deep sigh. 

Nothing had really been resolved. The apologies from both were surface-level at best but at least there was an admission of wrongdoing on both sides. Your jobs had been hard on the relationship, harder than either of you had thought it would be. For now, the discussion would be tabled, saved for a time when the two of you were in a space to have it. It might not have been perfect but it was better than nothing. 

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[ladykibutsuji]

If you can't, who will?

Obanai Iguro x Reader

Angst: Unrequited love with a twist~

Normal Timeline

I don't own the pictures used!

February 14th

I'm not a big fan of February.

'Day of Romance' they say but for me it's a day of torture.

Watching other people love each other as I stare enviously.

How unfair is that?

“Y/N~ The chocolates are ready”

You snapped out your thoughts as shinobu called out for you, she and Aoi helped you with making Valentine's chocolate since you informed shinobu about wanting to give someone a chocolate for valentine's

You walked towards her and Aoi staring at the chocolates that the 3 of you made together, although shinobu was a very busy person she decided to make time for valentine's.

Shinobu took a piece of chocolate and placed it Infront of your mouth "Say ahh~", You opened your mouth as shinobu gently put the chocolate in your mouth. The chocolate slowly melted in your tongue and you could taste how delicious it was, "This is so good and delicious thank you for helping me Shinobu and Aoi" you hummed.

Aoi gave you a smile while shinobu patted your head "My, my there's no need to thank me..Friends are always there for each other aren't they?" Shinobu paused for a while until something a random question in her thoughts "Now come to think of it you never told us about the person you will give it to I wonder who is it? Mind telling us Y/N?"

The moment you heard shinobu's question you immediately froze on spot while Aoi temporarily stopped baking since she was also curious about the answer you will provide, They stared at you with curiousity and you are just continuously sweating deciding whether you should tell them or not.

The room was too quiet because you are refusing to answer so shinobu jumped to conclusions as she gasped "Don't Tell me it's Tomioka!" You just shook your head denying her assumption as you grabbed a box full of chocolate and excusing yourself to leave "Sorry Shinobu! I'll be back soon I- uh I'm not feeling well"

"If you are not feeling well I could always he-"

"NO THANKS!"

You dashed out the door leaving both shinobu and Aoi stunned, "Wait Ms. Y/N!" Aoi tried to call you but you are already running away and far. To them you are a pretty calm person so they are shocked and surprised to see you acting that way. Shinobu and Aoi just stared at each other laughing the situation off "Y/N is really a mysterious person isn't she? I'm still wondering who's the lucky guy though.."

STOMP STOMP

You kept on running and running until the butterfly mansion is out of view, you are too embarrassed to face them nor even answer the question shinobu asked

After all, they knew about Iguro's love for mitsuri

Some things are better to be kept.

BUMP

You accidentally bumped into someone and was about to fall down to the floor until someone caught your arms on time

"I'm sorry! I wasn't looking! A-" you were about to say something until you suddenly realized who it was

It was no other than the guy who stole your heart

But never being able to return it.

"Iguro!" You quickly got on your feet as you slightly bowed to him apologizing for accidentally running into him, "Keep your head up Y/N, It's fine."

You slightly blushed just by hearing his Voice, who wouldn't? he's hot

You then thought about the box of chocolate resting in your hand and since he was already here you might aswell just give him the chocolate and confess your feelings for him that is bottled up for years.

Though it was clear to you that he likes someone else

But taking the risk is not bad is it?

"It's been a while Iguro..I-" You are so lost in your thoughts that you didn't notice him walking away "eh?" You are a bit confused at first since he was fast then you shook your head and raised your voice loud enough for him to hear you "Wait Iguro!", Iguro continued walking as if you didn't called out for him "I'm busy."

"But it's important!" After hearing the word 'Important' he stopped walking. as much as he doesn't want to waste his time because he have a date with mitsuri He decided to hear you out "Make it quick, I still have to go to Kocho's mansion to retrieve my forgotten item and a schedule to attend."

You then took out a letter from your pockets and placed it on top of the box of chocolate that you are going to give him and slowly walked towards him

"This is for you.." You said shyly as you handed him the box of chocolate with the letter, he stared at you with disgust before taking the chocolate and letter you gave him

"What's this for?" He asked as kaburamaru tried to get closer to the chocolate, you gave kaburamaru a head pat that he seems to have enjoy "For valentine's" you responded.

"Get your filthy hands off kaburamaru." You were a bit taken aback by his words since before he really didn't mind you petting kaburamaru infact he even lets you have kaburamaru on your neck for days "Oh I'm sorry.." After you stopped petting kaburamaru he was upset and hissed at Iguro

"and about the letter... it's about what I feel for you for these past fe-"

"I don't have time to listen to your non-sense."

He dropped the chocolate box as he ripped the letter apart leaving you flabbergasted, "Weakness disgust me in other words YOU disgust me. You are just a kinoe so stop talking to me so casually." Even kaburamaru was shock that he had had wide eyes

But why? I was there for you when you had nothing

"I see... I'm sorry for bothering you."

"You should be, I'm only accepting letters and chocolate from mitsuri so if you don't mind I'll be taking my leave." You gave him a slight nod with a smile and before Iguro was about to leave he gave you his final rejection words "I can't love someone who's as weak as you." He then disappeared while you are still standing at the same spot where the man you love and admired for years rejected you worse is that he even bad mouthed you.

You are holding back tears while a million thoughts raced in your head

Was I ever enough?

But why I was there??

I was the one who helped you escape

FLASHBACK:

"this flower reminds me of you! It's so pretty"

"You think I'm Pretty?" You asked as he nodded happily, he placed the flowers in your hair as you return him a gentle smile, Iguro sticking his arms out of his cage is easier due to the fact of how big the gap is and he was skinny at the time

"give him that food"

You and Iguro could hear distance noises which mean someone is about to come at Iguro's cage so you quickly had to leave before the both of you get caught

"I'm sorry Iguro, I'll be back I promise.."

"Wait before you go!" He held your hand tightly from the behind his cage as he looked at you looking a little shy

"If we ever get out of this hell... Promise me that we will get married someday"

"I promise"

"Hello Y/N, how are you?"

Hearing a familiar voice you snapped out of your own thoughts from the past and stared at the man who is now in front of you

The man Infront of you is Giyuu tomioka, The water hashira himself.

"Oh Tomioka!" You slightly bowed greeting him "Are you going to Shinobu?"

"Yes but since you are also here, I have something for you"

He then pulled out a small bouquet of flowers from the bag he is holding and handed them to you, at first you are shock that he would give you something like that so you had your hand on your mouth

"is this really okay?" You asked before taking the flowers, "Yes, it's for you"

With your delusional brain you thought that he had a crush on you or this was his way of saying "I like you" so you slightly blushed at the thought and was happy that after all these years someone is able to love you

Oh boy how wrong you are

"Tanjiro told me I should give these to the other hashira to make friends"

Oh.

"But I'm a kinoe?" You tilted your head in confusion while holding the flowers he just gave you, Giyuu stared at you for a while before answering "I know but I acknowledge your strength so I'm giving you one." He gently patted your head before walking away not noticing the smile he had on his face

However his words aren't useful

You still thought to yourself that you are nothing but a weak human being

After all if you are really strong you could of have been a hashira yeah? But you are just a kinoe.

A useless one

Would anyone really love such a weak person like you?

Can anyone love someone like you?

Back at your estate, you are just in your garden sulking even your crow is concerned

Earlier, Kyojuro came to visit you to greet you a "happy valentine's" and gave you delicious desserts but you ignored him so he was sad and he left your estate with a broken heart

Poor kyojuro:(

"Y/N! Y/N! Are you dead?"

You have been sulking for hours and not moving a muscle that your crow assumed you died on spot

KNOCK KNOCK

"Y/N! Someone is at the door!"

You Ignored the noises and continued sulking so your crow had no other choice but to get the door itself "If this continued you might as well get eaten by a demon!" The crow hurried to the door

You pulled your knees to your chest as you buried your own face onto it tears started to form.

"I was there, I was the one who accepted him ever since we were kids.." you said to yourself as millions of thoughts continued raging in your head

"if he can't love me..who will?"

"I will"

You flinched at the response you weren't expecting and turned around only to find mitsuri with a bouquet of flowers, chocolate, and a wrapped gift with your crow on her shoulder

"Mitsuri! I didn't expect you to visit all of the sudden" you wiped off the tears in your eyes and fixed your hair that is a bit messy because of the wind "I'm sorry if you have to see me like this"

"she won't stop sulking for hours! I told you she's crazy I'm leaving her to you!" The crow then flied far away from both you and mitsuri

"see you like what? I don't get what you are talking about your face is still shining as bright" she approached you closer and sat Infront of you after she sat Infront of you she tucked your hair behind your ears as her eyes stared deeply into yours "Your beauty is really incomparable"

What's the meaning of this?

Flattered by her words you couldn't find the right words to say "a-aren't you supposed to be on a date with aguro? I mean oguro? No.. Obama!" You are too much of a mess to say Iguro's name right

Mitsuri let out a light hearted laugh upon seeing your reaction that she thinks it's adorable "Well..I didn't really think that it was a date I thought we were only hanging out as friends until he told me confessed about his feelings for me..." She paused for a little smiling at you "But of course I rejected him because I want you!"

This isn't right

"Aren't we both women?" You asked nervously, mitsuri put her finger on your lips as a signal of 'Shush' "So what now if we are both women? It's not a crime to love each other"

"but what about Iguro?" A question after a question though mitsuri doesn't mind answering all of your questions even if it seems like there is no end to your questions "He doesn't matter now does he?"

She said that as if it was a normal thing, "Anyways! I'm excited for you to open this gift of mine! Open it" mitsuri handed you her gift and this made you curious of what's inside so you unwrapped it slowly trying not to damage what's inside.

After unwrapping it you found a tulip hairpin inside of it and it was stunning "This is really pretty mitsuri! Thank you" you gave her a warm smile while hugging her which made mitsuri die in happiness

Mitsuri was delighted that you appreciated her gift so she returned the hug by embracing you more tightly! She almost crushed you to death btw

After pulling away from the hug mitsuri asked you if she could put the hairpin on your hair to which you agreed to, she then gently placed the hairpin on your preferred spot

"do you wanna know why I choosed a tulip hairpin?" She asked while she's still fixing your hair, "why?"

"it's to represent my deep love for you!" She stated with a big smile on her face, to be honest you really don't know what to feel because you didn't expect for a Woman (Especially mitsuri) to take a liking to you but then again you decided to give mitsuri a chance because like she said 'Gender doesn't matter as long as the both of you truly love each other'

"I know you are confused right now Y/N but my love for you is real and I'm not expecting you to reciprocate it I just wanted you to know" her words caught you off guard "I also want you to know that if nobody can settle down with you I will!"

After iguro's harsh words you no longer feel bad about yourself thanks to mitsuri, you are about to say something until she spoke first

"I have a question for you Y/N"

"Yes?"

"Can I court you?"

The choice is yours Reader.

Happy pride month everybody!

• I'm aware that in this fanfiction the events occurred on February but in the real world it's June which is pride month!

• since it's pride month I'll reveal my sexuality to my lovely followers

• I'm actually bisexual though I mostly date women rather than men.

• Thank you so much for the people who reads my fanfictions! No words can express on how thankful I am for those who supports me<3

[ughgoaway]

I’m the anon who asked about requests earlier!!! Ik feeling uninspired/writers block is tough and never a great feeling but just know that myself and soooo many others will DEVOUR anything you write — even if you don’t love it lol.

I had a thought if teacher girly maybe when she’s pregnant or just after he’s born and her and Matty playing him Mattys music for the first time and him having a positive reaction. Maybe him smiling or laughing for the first time and Matty getting so excited (and maybe tearing up a bit lol). Little Annie is singing along of course. And it’s just all mush and fluff lol

ahh, you are very sweet, my love. writers block does suck, and I really hope I'll start feeling better about everything soon!! luckily, your idea was so cute that I was able to write a little bit!! It's not great, but I'm just glad it's something lol <3

also, this is one of my favourite things ever with babies, I love when they react to their parent's voices and start giggling and dancing!!

(p.s. All my baby development knowledge does come from Google, so take this with a grain of salt. Also, this is extremely sappy sorry lol)

✿❀✿✿❀✿✿❀✿✿❀✿✿❀✿✿❀✿✿❀✿✿❀✿

So, baby boy is generally a very smiley baby. He does kinda early at about 6 weeks. But when it comes to laughing, he's stubborn. You, matty, and the boys do everything to try and make him laugh, pulling faces, tickling him, laughing around him to try and get him to copy you. But still, he just smiles.

“Annie was such a giggly baby. Why are you so grumpy, hmm?” You hear Matty whisper to Arthur in his crib one night as he's putting him to bed, tickling his belly lightly in an attempt to even hear a tiny giggle. Still, he doesn't laugh, but he does give Matty that familiar gummy smile and starts pulling at his hair. which, in turn, makes matty laugh, freeing his hair from Arthur's grip and kissing him on the head before he leaves.

Eventually, you settle in bed, and Matty can’t help but bring it up, “it's been over 2 months since he smiled, and he still won't laugh. Annie used to giggle whenever she saw my face,” Matty said grumpily.

“Maybe you just had a funnier face back then,” you joke, but Matty doesn’t even really process it. He’s too deep in thought as he's flipping through the various baby books you bought. He wants to check if Arthur is just doing it out of spite or if you need to see someone.

“Matty, he’ll laugh soon, I promise. Just be patient, my love.” you pull the books out of his hands and settle yourself on top of him, not in that way (although Matty would love that) in the way you do when he's overthinking and just needs to feel something other than his own heartbeat pounding in his chest.

He sighs heavily and wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you both down until you're practically fully lying on top of him. In the early days of your relationship, you used to be worried you'd crush him when he asked you to do this. But after a lot of reassurance, you’ve just started letting yourself relax, knowing the pressure of your body on his is the easiest way to ground him.

/////

Matty tries to forget about it all for a few days, but you can tell he's still thinking about it. The only thing that gets his mind off it is going to the studio, something he’s not properly done since Arthur was born. You tell him over and over again to go and make music, but he is insistent on staying with his little family for as much time as he can before he’s whisked off on tour again. But after months of badgering, he crumbles and calls George for a little studio session.

“But promise me you’ll call me if you need me, yeah? I don't want you getting all stressed out, s’not good for you” Matty says for the thousandth time that morning. You give him a peck and assure him you'll call the second you need help before shoving his keys in his hand and waving him out of the door.

You, Annie, and Arthur decide to go on a walk whilst he is out. She stands on the back of the pram as you push, and Mayhem quite happily trots beside the three of you. It's a lovely day, so when you pass an ice cream van and Annie flashes you those eyes, you immediately crumble and buy yourself and her ice cream. You end up with three ice creams, though, as the man in the van insisted on making one for mayhem too. Free of charge, of course. 

Annie can't stop giggling as she watches Mayhem inhale the ice cream in about 2 bites, wagging his tail wildly the whole time. You send a video to Matty, making sure to show baby Arthur watching with a big smile, but still not laughing. You caption it, “Even mayhem can't make him laugh. He's definitely just being stubborn. sounds like his dad tbh”

Matty loves the video, showing it to George with a big smile on his face and sending a jokey message back about being hurt that you got ice cream without him. But it does reassure him a bit that he's not the reason Arthur's not laughing. The world just clearly isn't as funny to a 3-month-old.

Matty comes back a few hours later, walking into the house to see you and Annie colouring on the floor and Arthur having tummy time next to you, staring at the coloured pens with wide eyes. You can always tell the studio session went well when Matty comes in with an iPod.

He insists on downloading all the half-finished songs on there so he can come home and show you as soon as possible. He says the iPod adds nostalgia and that's why he can't just play it off of his phone, but you think he just likes the extra drama of setting the iPod up and connecting it to the speaker.

So when he comes home with that familiar pink iPod in his hands, both you and Annie perk up. “Daddy, can I plug it in pleaseeee?” Annie asks, fluttering her eyelashes in the way she knows will always make Matty do what she wants, he nods and passes it to her, settling next to you on the floor and pressing a kiss to your lips.

It's a bit more intense than you usually get at 3 pm on a Tuesday, but who are you to complain when your musician boyfriend comes home from the studio and kisses you in a way that makes your head spin? 

Your hand moves to his cheek as his settles behind your neck, pulling you in impossibly closer and using his tongue to trace the seam of your lips. Just as you open your mouth to welcome his tongue, Annie comes over and squishes herself between the two of you, holding the remote for the speaker in her hand with a cheeky grin on her face. Matty scoops up Arthur in his arms before he lets Annie press play, smiling down at him and letting Arthur’s hand surround his thumb.

Before long, Matty's voice starts coming out of the speakers, and you feel your muscles relax by themselves. It's a beautiful song, his soft vocals surrounded by a mix of acoustic guitar and piano.

The lyrics are repetitive, but not in the way pop songs on the radio have. It makes you feel familiar with the song like you've heard it a thousand times over, even if it was your first time listening to it. It felt like that same warm blanket you've loved all your life being laid over you one more time.

In typical 1975 fashion, the beat is addictive despite it being a slower track, and you can already see Annie swaying beside you and getting into the music.

Matty starts singing along without thinking, and soon enough, Annie joins in, too, their voices together making you grin immediately. But a new voice soon joins the medley, little Arthur giggling at his dad's voice and swaying.

You and Matty freeze as soon as you hear it, eyes meeting each other as Annie keeps singing and moving obliviously. Arthur stops when Matty does, but after you nod softly at Matty with a smile pulling at your lips, he starts singing again and right on cue, Arthur’s soft giggles start back up.

“Ohmygod” Matty whispers, his wet eyes swapping between you, Annie, and Arthur cradled in his arms. Annie quickly takes notice of the mood shift, looking concerned before you assured her that they were good tears.

“your brother is laughing sweetheart, go look!” you say, rushing her over to stand next to Matty. She scrambles up, moving as fast as her little legs can take her so she can stand by Arthur’s head.

You slide into the spot she left, leaning your head on Matty’s shoulder and watching as Arthur starts giggling and smiling as soon as Matty starts singing again.

Annie claps and starts laughing back, which only makes baby Arthur laugh more. Eventually, he’s laughing so hard his little eyes are screwed shut, and Matty is so excited he can't stop smiling and singing along to keep his laughter up.

You Facetime Denise immediately, and she's smiling and cooing down the phone at the three of you. At first, you only text the boys, but after many demands for a video, you end up just facetiming each of them and letting them watch Arthur's face light up.

George comments about how he must really be Matty’s son because they both love the sound of his voice, which earned him an eye roll from Matty and a laugh from you and Annie. After that, Arthur won't stop laughing. Everything is suddenly hilarious, and you and Matty couldn't be happier.

Anyway, this is extremely soft and sappy, oops! <3

[rockwgooglyeyes]

Although this is extremely late, what would you say happens during and after Nyx’s and the other’s escape?

HI (I am assuming) PARA!! I'm so sorry that I never wrote something for the aftermath of Nyx's round, I had a draft but I just moved into my flat at uni and my flatmates moved in last Sunday and it's been kind of super chaotic since. I haven't had much time to write. But the finished product will be in this ask-response, for simplicity's sake. If that's okay with you

LOG (SUBJECT: Round 18 - ONYX LOSS)

SPECIMEN: 001247 (ONYX)

When the lights go out, fear is the furthest thing from Nyx's mind.

Why would he be afraid? Lang won, she won, he's so happy he could cry. She deserves it, she deserves the world, he wants to hug her and kiss her forehead and tell her that he loves her before he goes. He clutches onto her, their dance stuttering to a stop in the muddy black. He can hear the alarms going off, the panicked screams of the crowd, the footsteps clattering through the arena and the gunshots ringing out, but it all feels far away. Lang starts to push him away, her hands shaking, but he holds fast.

"It's just me, please," he rasps, voice breaking on the last syllable. She goes still in his arms, wariness clear in the steely potential energy of her limbs. He finds her forehead with his hand and brushes away her bangs from it, bending down to press a kiss to the revealed skin. "Thank you, Lang, for being my friend. I love you." She hesitates, hands twitching where they rest on his chest, before hugging him. She squeezes him tightly and lets go all too soon, distancing herself from him. She takes one step and then another, getting farther and farther each time.

Letting out a shaky breath, Nyx lets her go. Lang doesn't turn, she doesn't run away, she watches him unflinchingly in the murky darkness. If there really is an afterlife, he thinks, I will miss her when I get there. Maybe I'll get to see Kyo, or Cas. Tov might even name a constellation after me. He doesn't follow her, simply standing there and waiting for death to come. He doesn't care how it's done, whether it be a bullet through the chest or someone slams him to the ground and bashes his head in, it doesn't matter. If his last memory is one of pain, then so be it. He deserves it, after all this time of living past his expiration date.

See, it was as soon as he realized that Kyo would never love him back, it was when he first set his eyes on Asahi, it was when he stood on stage at graduation- those were the moments that told Nyx that he wouldn't make it past twenty. Here he is, though, twenty and something months, however many days over his allowance. He doesn't regret it, the moments he had in that stolen time. He was able to tell Tov he loved her, he got to tell Vera goodbye, he saw Aurien one last time and Solei, well, Solei is still alive. He just hopes that they're happy.

Nyx can't help but laugh- Tov will be absolutely furious with him for dying. For losing. At least, he hopes she hates him for it, that it makes it easier to accept that he's gone. Part of him still wishes he had done something other than laugh. He wishes that the last thing he said to her was something gentle, sweet, but he supposes it wouldn't have been true to form. He's not a sweet, gentle person. He's brittle and sharp around the edges and cruel when it counts, bitter when it hurts. Still, he wishes that he had done something better than laugh when she told him to win. He laughed because he had nothing to say, because he was surprised, because he was astounded that Tov thought he even stood a chance. After all, she knows the truth, that Cas threw the round, that he'd done it as some kind of sacrifice, some sick act of love.

(Really, Nyx should have known from the beginning, that something was off, that Cas wasn't trying as hard as he should have been, that he wasn't pouring his heart out into it like he would've been had the circumstances been different. He should've known that the calm, the acceptance in Cas' eyes was a harbinger of doom, an omen for what was to come. He didn't. He was too foolish, too naïve, too stupid to see the truth.)

When a hand clamps down over his mouth from behind him, he doesn't scream. He doesn't fight. He waits for the end, no resistance, no questions, no fear. Maybe that's why it takes him a moment to make out Aurien's voice, pleading with him.

"Nyx? Nyx, can you hear me?" He blinks, turning to see his little sister, standing stark in the darkness. Inky strands of hair is dripping into her wild eyes, she pulls down a mask covering her mouth, breathing heavily as she watches him.

"Aurien," he murmurs, breathing her name in a hushed whisper, reverent as a prayer. He takes a step forward and tucks her hair behind her ear, cupping her face with a hand, stroking his thumb down the delicate curve of her cheekbone, the gentle flutter of her eyelashes. She leans into his touch, smiling slightly and releasing a sigh of relief. "You're not supposed to be here." What happens next doesn't make sense, her eyes flashing open, fury flashing in their obsidian depths.

"Nyx," she intones, warning obvious in her tone. She places her hand on top of his, her jaw twitching with barely constrained rage.

"I've already stayed too long," he tells her, running his fingers through her hair, just as he used to when they were children and he was comforting her while she cried. "Please, save Lang instead. She doesn't deserve to die." She jerks backwards, ripping his hand away and stumbling, looking shaken to her core.

"What are you talking about?" She demands, throwing her hands up in the air. "You don't deserve to die, either." Nyx barks out a laugh, shaking his head.

"Of course, you would say that," he sighs, looking down at the ground. "But Cas died. He died so that I could live. Kyo is gone, Vera too, that's not even mentioning Tallis. You and Solei are happy, now. I'll just drag you down, with my cynicism, my baggage. You're better off forgetting about me."

"You-"

"I don't deserve to be saved."

"Well, good thing that I don't fucking care whether or not you deserve it," Aurien snaps, eyes flashing dangerously. "You're coming. We're saving you. No buts."

Of course, right after she says that, a whistle pierces the air and punctures her in the side. Right where she was shot the first time. Right where Cas was shot. Nyx catches her when she falls, grasping at her arms with shaking, sweaty hands. She coughs out blood onto his shoulder, trying to push herself back up and failing. Nyx should be helping her, he knows he should be helping her. After all, she's real.

But his vision is flickering in and out, Aurien's hair turning curly, the color of dried blood, hemoglobin on silk. She looks up at him, says something, but he can only see Castor's face, smiling at him with bloodied lips. Nyx can only hear the laugh that bubbled out of Castor in his last moments. Nyx's heart is beating the drums of war in his ears, chest heaving and tears budding in his eyes. He presses his hand to the wound in her side to stem the bleeding (like he did with Cas) and she hisses in pain just like Cas did.

Nyx chokes on his own breath, stuttering backwards, unable to do this any longer. Aurien makes a noise in surprise, crumpling to the floor, just like Cas did. Just like Cas did.

"It's not, real, he's gone," Nyx hiccups out, shaking his head, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes. "He's gone, he's gone. Please, please," He repeats it, a broken record catching again on the needle, attempting to self-soothe in the face of a fracturing psyche.

"Onyx," a voice cuts through his delusions. He barely hears it and when a hand suddenly grabs his forearm, he flinches away on instinct, eyes wide, panic taking over every other faculty of his mind. The owner of the hand is he doesn't recognize, with white curly hair and a face mask just like the one Aurien was wearing, and they're looking at him sternly. "We need to get out of here."

"Wh- I- alright," Nyx acquiesces, too tired to fight anymore. "Where're we going?" His voice is hollowed out and rough, broken by his crying.

"Surveillance room," the white-haired person grunts out while picking up Aurien gingerly and holding her over their shoulder. "You know a way there?" Nyx nods, scanning his mind for the shortest route from the stage. He beckons them to follow him and darts off, lowering himself down off of the stage and going to the undercroft beneath the stage through a hidden panel. The person ducks in behind him, seeming surprised at where they end up, the racks of costumes, the tools and other supplies, microphones and cords strewn about. Nyx weaves through the mess quickly, leaving his companions to catch up as he rewires the lift to bypass the security lockdown.

"I wouldn't risk the lift if we didn't have someone injured," Nyx says quietly, fingers tangles and disentangling the cords he pulled from the outlet. Finally, the lift dings, the light turning on as the doors open with a hiss. The person holding Aurien nods to him and enters the lift. Nyx presses the button inside and opens up the admin panel to program a no-stop straight shot to the surveillance room. "See, the thing is, the undercroft and the surveillance room are directly connected because they're both backstage work areas." Nyx doesn't know why he's talking, not really, but the words are spilling out of him and it feels good to fill the silence up with something other than the hum of the electricity and the whispers in his head insisting that this isn't real either, he's already dead and this is some grandiose delusion of heaven.

They actually reach the surveillance room before the person holding Aurien even responds to his rambling which feels a bit like a blessing in disguise. There are two people already in the surveillance room, one of which whips around to face them while the other stays hunched over the admin panel, presumably doing damage control. Funnily enough, they look like Ryu and Ji-Woo but that's ridiculous. Those two went missing.

"Nyx?" The person that looks and sounds like Ryu exclaims, amber eyes widening. "Shit, what happened to Aurien, Bunny?!" The person carrying Aurien, Bunny apparently, lets out a sigh and walks out of the lift, dragging Nyx with them.

"She got shot, Ryu, obviously," Bunny answers. "Now, where's our muster point? We can't just hole up in here."

"I'm working on it," Ji-Woo barks out. Nyx has decided that they must be the real Ryu and Ji-Woo, no matter how ridiculous that is, because they both sound like them and look like them and Ryu got called Ryu by Bunny and Aurien is the real Aurien and- fuck, he should really just shut up. Ryu glances at Nyx out of the corner of his eye.

"Hey, are you okay?" Nyx blinks, frowning at Ryu in confusion. "You seem shaken up." Nyx stares at him for a moment longer before trying to smile.

"Never been better," he lies through his teeth. He's definitely been worse but suffice to say, this not one of his better days.

"I've got a muster point from Solei, c'mon, we need to go," Ji-Woo says as soon as he sends out a command for a system wide 24hr shut down. "We meet at docking bay 4D in the Φ wing. You know where that is?" Ji-Woo glances to Nyx who blinks in surprise before nodding. He finds his way to the front of their pack before darting ahead, scanning the hallways for any guards as he slowly orients himself and takes them through the weird back alleys of the arena.

"How do you even know these are here?" Ryu asks at some point while they're in an abandoned fuel cellar in Φ wing.

"Uh, trial and error mostly," Nyx replies as he tries to remember whether they go right or left from here. "Oryon took me to the last two seasons of ALNST but it didn't really supervise me well so I wandered around."

"And you never got caught?" Bunny inquires, skeptical and for good reason.

"Oh, it's left," Nyx realizes, beckoning them to follow him through the gap between two walls where there used to be insulation, before the wing was decommissioned and set for demolition. "I mean, I haven't gotten caught doing this yet." Finally, they emerge in the bay after going through the vault in the ceiling, where all the old electrical is still hanging from the rafters.

"You would have been useful to have when we did this before, Ji-Woo and I kept getting lost," Ryu remarks. Ji-Woo blushes and elbows his partner before breaking off to find Solei. He waves them over to a bulky object covered by a dusty tarp after a moment. He and Ryu drag the tarp off and Solei pops up from the bed of the truck, eyes huge and wary in the dim. Bunny settles into the bed of the truck as well, putting Aurien down gently in the pile of bedding there so that she won't get jostled too much. Solei chirps, panic obvious in their tone and Nyx feels guilt pool in his stomach. He gets into the passenger seat after Ji-Woo settles behind the wheel, unable to face his sister who he was unable to help when she needed and the friend who loves his sister as much as he does.

Nyx thinks the best thing that happened tonight was Lang surviving.

Perhaps, Nyx is not good at accepting good things.

I will tag @starry-skiez because Ryu & Ji-Woo belong to him, @bluemoonscape because Castor & Kyo belong to him, @apriciticreveries because she's Aurien's mama, @solei-eclipse is Solei's creator, @rosedeleca for Bunny & Rose. um. @zerostyrant because he asked to be tagged <3 oh and @ivanttakethis because i mention Tov <3

[willalove75]

Hi im the anon who asked for Rebecca x Pregnant!reader. Now looking back I feel I didn’t give detail to my request so if it’s not a problem. Would you be able to write Rebecca with pregnant!reader and she visit Rebecca at work and they meet ted and the team etc. or they watch a match together and reader goes into labour. Your writing is amazing💕

Hello again anon!! Thank you so much for adding some details to your request! It's absolutely not a problem at all!💕 I hope you enjoy!

Gif source

"Good mornin' boss!" Ted says, happy as ever on his usual morning stroll into Rebecca's office. "I got you your favorite!"

"Good morning Ted, thank you!" Rebecca says as she eagerly grabs the little pink box from his hands.

"I also got a little extra today for that beautiful wife of yours!" Ted places a second pink box onto Rebecca's desk.

"Oh Ted, how kind! She is going to love them!"

"Don't mention it boss. Although I gotta say, I know we were all at the wedding and all, but I'm beginning to think the whole thing was just a ruse and that she don't actually exist." Rebecca gives Ted a look and he chuckles. "You two have been married for how long? And I've only met her twice, including yall's nuptials."

"Well Ted, we've been very busy, and now that the baby's due date is coming up things have been even busier."

"Ya'll should come to the game this weekend! I know the baby is due soon but it'll give you both the chance to hang out and have some fun before the real fun starts!"

"Ted, I don't know-"

"I ain't takin' no for an answer unless she calls me and tells me no herself!"

"Alright Ted, I will speak to her about it tonight."

"Alrighty then! Catch ya on the flipside, boss!"

As you're laying on the couch, flipping through channels, you're beginning to realize that there's nothing good on tv anymore. No more good shows to just throw on when you're bored. Luckily, right before you feel like you're about to die from boredom the front door opens.

Rebecca walks into the house and closes the door, immediately kicking off her shoes and hanging her coat on the coatrack. Looking up, she sees you slowly sitting up on the couch.

"Hello there my love." She says with a warm smile.

"Hi baby, how was your day?"

You go to stand up and it takes you a few tries before you can even begin to pull yourself up off of the couch.

"Be careful! Here, let me help you." Rebecca says, rushing to your side.

"I'm okay baby, don't worry."

Rebecca helps you stand and cups your face in her hands.

"I know my love, but I can't help but worry."

Even without shoes on, Rebecca towers over you, so you get up on your tip toes and softly kiss her.

"You're adorable."

"Never more adorable than you."

A slight blush creeps across your cheeks and you wrap your arms around her and hug her tight. Damn hormones.

"How was your day?"

"The usual, busy as always. Oh! Before I forget-" Rebecca walks away from your grasp and you pout. She grabs her purse and walks back over to you after pulling out a little pink box. "Ted made an extra box of biscuits just for you."

"Aw! He shouldn't have-" you open the box and the sweet scent of biscuits fills your nose. "Oh my god." You moan and your eyes roll back a little. "These smell amazing."

Rebecca looks at you with a smirk on her face.

"What?"

"I've never seen anyone or anything other than me make you make that face before." She says with a wink.

"Rebecca Welton!"

Rebecca laughs and pulls you in for a kiss.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Oh, and Ted was on my case once again about meeting you and invited you to the match this weekend, but I told him it probably wasn't going to happen."

"Why not?"

Rebecca looks a little surprised.

"Well I know how tired you've been and the baby is due soon and I don't want to overwhelm you."

"You're adorable, but I would love to go see a match. It would be nice to get out of the house for a little while anyway."

"Are you sure? You don't think it'll be too much?"

"Baby I'll be fine, I promise. Let's go and have some fun."

Rebecca gazes into your eyes and you feel like you've fallen in love all over again. Her emerald green eyes pull you in so deeply you forgot where you were for a moment. You're brought back to earth when she leans down and gently kisses you.

The rest of the week flies by and before you know it, it's game day. It's also two weeks before your due date, something that both you and Rebecca are so excited about, but you can tell her anxiety is starting to sky rocket.

"Are you sure you're okay with going? There's some stairs and a little bit of walking, the seats aren't comfortable and we'll be in them for a few hours." She rambles on while pacing back and fourth.

"Baby," you say, trying to pull her out of her spiral, but she doesn't stop. "baby!" Rebecca finally stops and turns towards you. Walking up to her, you cup her face with your hands and look deeply into her eyes. "Everything will be fine, don't worry, okay? We're going to go, have a wonderful time, come home and go right to sleep, okay? I'll be fine, I promise."

Rebecca stares back into your eyes for a few moments before nodding her head. You pull her down and bring her in for a kiss. Her body relaxes into yours when your lips meet and she lets out a peaceful sigh.

"Ready?"

"I'm ready when you are my love."

The two of you get into the car and head to the stadium. You both decided to get there a little early to say hi to everyone since you've only met most of them once or twice before.

Rebecca leads you into the locker room and the room goes silent when she walks in.

"Good afternoon boys, good luck out there today! I want to introduce you all to my wife, y/n."

As if it was rehearsed, all of the boys greet you at the same time.

"Hi everyone, it's great to finally meet you all!"

"Well I'll be darned! You sure do exist!" Ted says as he walks out of his office. "You owe me 20 bucks." He says to Coach Beard who pulls out a £20 and slaps it into Ted's hand.

"Hello Ted, you remember y/n, y/n, you remember Ted."

"How could I ever forget my favorite boss' wife?!" He says as he pulls you in for a hug. "How're ya feelin'? You're due soon, right?"

"I'm feeling really good. I feel gigantic, but good. And yes, the due date is two weeks from today actually!"

"Well how about that! Coach Beard, get over here!" Coach Beard walks over to the three of you and he nods at Rebecca, who nods back. "Coach, you remember y/n, right?"

"Could never forget her. How are you?"

"I've been good!"

"Hey! Roy! Nate! Get your butts over here and welcome our guest of honor!"

Roy and Nate walk over and you all greet each other. You only met Nate one other time, at your wedding. He's sweet but very nervous, but in a cute way almost. Roy you've met a bunch of times, you, Rebecca, Roy and Keeley have gone on your fair share of double dates over the last few years and you've gotten to know him quite well.

Rebecca introduces you to some of the players, some of them comment on how you're glowing. One player, Jan Maas, says something about how large you look and every one of his teammates groans and throws their towels at him. That made you laugh so hard you almost peed yourself.

After mingling for a little while, Rebecca brings you out to the stands to your seats. Keeley and Higgins eventually join you and before you know it, the match it starting.

As the boys play, the crowd goes wild. Both teams are giving it their all and it quickly turns into an intense match. Richmond shoots and the other teams goalie just barely knocks it away. The other team takes the ball across the pitch and shoots. Zoreaux dives, catching it in a perfect save.

Just before half-time Colin has the ball and is running down the pitch, he passes it to Jamie who looks like he's about to kick the ball into the goal but instead kicks it across to Sam who sinks it into the net.

The crowd goes wild, all four of you jump out of your seats in excitement as chanting rings out into the stadium.

Half-time comes and goes and the match starts up once more. Both teams come back with a fire in their hearts and play with even more passion than they had in the first half. Jamie gets possession of the ball and sprints to the other end of the pitch, right before he's about to score a player from the other team slide tackles him and kicks the ball away to his teammate.

A collective "ohhh" echoes through the crowd and you feel a cramp in your abdomen that causes you to bend forward a little.

"Are you okay?" Rebecca says, her eyes instantly filling with worry.

"Yeah, I'm fine baby, I promise."

A few minutes later, another cramp appears and you take a deep breath as you breathe through it. Rebecca looks at you with concern and you give her a reassuring smile. The two of you turn your attention back to the intense game and she grabs your hand, giving it a squeeze. You can tell just by the way she's gripping onto your hand that she's nervous, when you look over at her you can see her thoughts going a million miles a minute.

Just as you're about to comfort her, another, much stronger cramp hits and you double over gasping for air. Before anyone can react you feel a gush between your legs like you just peed yourself.

"Oh shit."

"What? What's wrong? What happened?" Rebecca says in a panic.

Looking over at Rebecca you see worry and fear painted across her face. It breaks your heart a little seeing her so scared.

"I'm okay, but don't panic, alright?" Rebecca stares at you silently and you grab her hand. "I'm fine, however, I'm pretty sure my water just broke."

"WHAT?!"

"NO FUCKIN WAY!" Keeley yells.

"Rebecca! Baby, calm down, it's okay!"

"I knew we shouldn't have come here, god damnit."

"Hey, hey, listen to me." You say, cupping her face. "Look at me, it's okay. Everything is okay. The match isn't why this is happening-"

"But you're not due for another two weeks!"

"It's okay, remember what the doctor said? I can go into labor as early as 38 weeks and that's totally normal. Okay?"

Rebecca nods her head with her eyes still filled with worry. Another cramp, which you're pretty sure is a contraction at this point, hits.

"Shit!" You say, grabbing Rebecca's hand. Breathing through it, Rebecca rubs your back and gives Keeley a worried look. Once it passes you look back up at Rebecca. "Everything is fine, however, we should definitely go to the hospital now."

"Yes, you guys go, we'll take care of everything else here, right Higgins?" Keeley says.

"Yes! Of course!"

"Right, yes, okay. Come on, let me grab your things, uh- my jacket, shit, my purse-" Frantically, Rebecca grabs both of your things and helps you stand up. She leads you out of the stadium and into the car and the driver takes you to the hospital.

The labor was long and painful but once they placed the epidural the pain was much easier to deal with. After the doctor came in to examine you again she said it was time to push.

With your legs in the stirrups and Rebecca's hand in yours, you begin to push. Every time you felt that now familiar pressure you pushed, you felt like you were going at it for hours, even though it had only been thirty minutes.

Exhaustion begins to take over and you feel yourself losing steam. You lay back for a minute to take a breath and Rebecca looks into your eyes.

"You're so close my love, she's almost here. Just a little more. I'm so proud of you, you're doing such an amazing job." She gently brushes a strand of hair out of your face and smiles at you. After a minute you feel the pressure again and push harder than you have before.

Just when you think you can't keep going, the most beautiful cry rings out into the delivery room. As you lay back the doctor places the baby in your lap and they dry her off. Carefully, you bring your hand to her head and caress her with your thumb. Rebecca's grip on your arm tightens and you look over at her to find that she has tears streaming down her face.

The nurse whisks the baby away and you reach up and wipe Rebecca's tears away.

"She's perfect." She whispers.

"She is." You say with a smile.

After a few minutes the nurse comes back with the baby and hands her to Rebecca. Moving over to Rebecca can sit next to you, she claims the spot and looks down at your daughter with wonder in her eyes.

The next few days were a whirlwind, learning how to breastfeed and to get the baby to latch, recovering from giving birth, just adjusting to the new life the two of you stepped into. It's been chaos but also beautiful.

As you're laying in bed with the baby in your arms, Rebecca is sitting on the recliner reading her book. Everything is peaceful and for the first time since giving birth, you're both actually relaxed. A knock on the door takes your attention away.

"Knock knock!" You hear, accompanied by a distinctive southern accent.

"Ted! What are you doing here?" Rebecca says, getting up from her spot.

"Well I heard we got a new member to our Richmond family and Beard and I couldn't say no to givin' 'em a visit!"

Coach Beard steps into the room along with Keeley, Roy, Higgins and a few other players from the team.

"How did you manage to get so many people in here?"

"Southern charm goes a long way in these parts." Beard says.

The baby gets passed around a little, Beard and Roy both declining the opportunity to hold her. The second the baby is placed into Keeley's arms she sobs and sinks into the chair Rebecca was sitting in. It came as a surprise to no one that the second Keeley got her, no one else got to hold her for the rest of the visit.

The team brought lunch, something you were grateful for because you were sick of hospital food at that point.

Beard comes into the room with extra chairs, where he got them from, you have no idea but no one dares to question it.

Everyone takes a seat and you all eat lunch together. This is the most one-on-one time you've spent with everyone. Even though it's kind of weird that it's happening in the hospital after you give birth, it was nice really getting to know everyone finally.

As everyone was finishing up their lunch, the nurse comes back in and it taken back by how many people were in the room.

"Hello everyone!" She says.

"Howdy, I'm Ted Lasso, great to meet ya!" Ted says, getting up to shake her hand.

"I'm Rose, y/n's nurse, there are a lot of you in here, wow."

"Yeah, well, ya know, southern charm still goes a long way overseas."

"I can see that! Unfortunately, the lactation nurse will be here in a few minutes so I'm going to have to ask everyone to leave."

"Oh sure, not a problem at all, right team?" Everyone nods. "Well, we'll get outta your hair."

Everyone starts to say their goodbyes and Keeley tries to walk out with the baby before Roy stops her. Reluctantly, she turns around and hands you your daughter.

"Auntie Keeley loves you so much." She says with tears in her eyes and gives her a kiss on her head. "You guys made the cutest fucking baby I've ever seen."

"Congratulations boss, y/n, she sure is a beauty." Ted says.

"Thank you, Ted." Rebecca says and gives him a hug.

"Thanks Ted, she's perfect." You say, looking down at the infant in your arms.

"I'll catch ya'll later!"

After another day in the hospital, you're finally discharged and able to go home.

Rebecca carries the car seat inside and the two of you take the baby up to the nursery.

After you take the baby out of her car seat, you sit on the rocking chair and feed her before laying her in her crib. After the baby is fed, Rebecca takes her and lays her in the crib. She fusses for a minute and Rebecca starts to softly sing.

You wrap your arms around Rebecca while she sings to the baby and you rest your head on her chest. With on hand gently caressing the baby's cheeks, Rebecca wraps her other arm around you and pulls you tightly into her. As she sings, the baby calms down and within a few minutes she's asleep.

Standing there with your wife, watching over your new daughter as she sleeps, you're the happiest you've ever been.

Rebecca brings her hand to your chin and tilts your face up towards her.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Rebecca."

She leans down and places a soft but firm kiss on your lips. Nothing could ever take away the love and joy that's filling your heart right now.

[justyouraverageficwriter]

Orange ~

Sana X M Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst (for the most part)

WC: 4.1K Words

Chapter 9: Keep Me in your Heart

A/N: Wrapping up Orange's story. No smut tho.

Reader –

“Now tell me, what are you planning to do?”

Sana was so serious in her tone, nothing of that respectful daughter demeanor, business-like and ready to hear the terms of a very unfavorable circumstance. The atmosphere was heavy inside your office, tension was high, thick and palpable. Both you and Sana have not been on good terms with her father, and then there was the hospital director, caught in the crossfire. You look at your girlfriend and admire her resolve, although it doesn’t come as a surprise now, she has been a fighter ever since you knew her, and it is clear she’ll fight this one too, even though you are doomed to lose. However, it is also clear that there is also vulnerability in her voice.

“I advise you to be calm, my dear daughter.”

You can already tell it’s not going to be easy, her father sounded too confident on the card he is holding. He cleared his throat, and took a seat on the couch, not in a hurry whatsoever. He is taking his time, maybe even enjoying the agony written all over your faces. He may be the father of the girl who means the world to you but you can’t help but curse him under your breath, he is giving you all the reasons to hate him, and probably also a little more. As it stands, it's you and Sana against the world.

“So I heard that the owner of the place you are staying needs a heart transplant. You know I can help you with that, Sana." Her father started his spiel with a smug face. He knew his gambit would finally pay off.  "You see, this should not have been your problem, but you have so much love to give and you can't help but care." The grin on his face grew wider which made you clinch on your fist tighter. But deep inside you can't argue his logic. You view care and connections as unnecessary. It's one of the reasons why you opt to keep to yourself; before this orange haired girl changed your life at least.

 "You know what you need to do, come home with me to Japan, and I'll make sure she'll have her new heart as soon as possible."

He acted so calm, so cool when he laid out his terms. Sana's father thought he had you both on a checkmate, a chokehold; and maybe he probably did. If you didn't hate him, you would for sure admire the man, respect his composure by not laughing hysterically because he had the upper hand. Although you think you didn't expect less from her father, it's really hard to run a hospital, especially if it's controlled by three big families. Well perhaps you do, you already do sound like it.

At that moment, you noticed your girlfriend sob. You've been focused on your own feelings to not be aware that tears are now falling on her face. Instinctively you wrapped your arms around her, she cried enough for the night. You hate her father for doing all this, but even more so you hate yourself for not being able to think of a solution; a way out. You just want to dig deep and find something inside the big brain of yours you always seem so confident about, but somehow the well just ran dry. It can't keep on giving it seems.

There was a brief pause inside your office, the kind that you could not be blamed for thinking the world stood still, and somehow time stops moving forward. It's not a moment of respite however, it's full of dread and uncertainties. Sana knows it, you know it, the odds are not in your favor. "I'll give you time to think, but remember time is of the essence if you want that landlady saved." Sana's father broke that silence with absolute conviction in his voice. He left the office with his shoulders high, and so was his spirit; he knew he had won. You and Mr. Cho's eyes met, and you could see that he is emphatic to your situation, but it's out of his hands too and there's nothing he can do about it. You gave him a smile of acknowledgement as he tapped you gently in the back, and he went out as well after that.

Your focus went back to Sana, and she's crying as she leans on your shoulders. But what more can you do? You just wrapped your arms around her and rubbed her back. "It's all going to be alright." Inside your head you are thinking, asking, do you really mean those words? Maybe not since you yourself are afraid of what will happen next, but it's all you can think of for now. And maybe she knows you are just spewing out words and not meaning them, because she cried even harder when she heard it.

–

Morning came, and you are still occupied with things that need sorting out. You notice your girlfriend roll over and wake up, making a mess of her orange hair. Normally, you would have found it cute but right now you feel a sinking feeling in your stomach. It's a completely different circumstance. "Did you have any sleep, Doc?" Her eyes puffed and her voice hoarse, as she asked you the minute her eyes found yours. It is clear she worries for you too.

"I'm fine, baby." You managed a weak smile. You've been up all night, trying to find answers, but all you could produce was the name of Mrs. Kang's nearest relative using hospital records. You also tried to find ways and cases that a patient was given the priority to receive a heart but that proved to be all for naught. Absent a personal donor pledging their hearts when they die to a specific person, given that the receiver is compatible with the organ; the only recourse is to sign up and be included in the waitlist. 

Then you felt your girlfriend sitting on your lap, you realized your attention was never really on her but on your computer, on the things that addled your mind because you did not notice her walk towards you. Sana wrapped her arms around your neck and rested her head on your shoulders; and you always feel at peace when she does that. But there's a feeling of sorrow in her embrace, the kind that screams goodbye, the kind that is making the most out of the remaining time. Anyone can walk in your office and see the both of you and be called unprofessional but those things don't bother you now, the world will understand.

"I already found a relative who can help us with the paper works of the operation." You are just hoping she will see it as good news, praying silently that she will not see it as you are already giving up by thinking about the operation already. Sana tightened her arms around you and you already knew that she understood what it meant. "We don't have any other options, do we?" Her voice trailed off as she tried to finish her sentence. For the first time today, you shifted your attention fully to your girlfriend. "I want to be selfish, you know. I just want to run with you and escape all these." You pat the back of her head and run your fingers through her orange locks. You mean those words, but you know as well that it's impossible.

Sana immediately removes her head from your shoulders to look at you straight into your eyes. "Then let's go, hmm?" There's pleading in her teary gaze, she's desperate just like you that she'll take any alternative without really thinking.

"We can't, baby. I know you can't. You're not capable of leaving the ones you care about." You hate to be the bearer of the grounding news, but you have to; even if it means putting an end to your selfish desires. "We will just go back immediately the moment we try to leave because of our conscience.” You fixed her messy hair, it has become your habit. After a long pause, of just both of you staring at each other, Sana went back to lean on your shoulders, vulnerable, defeated, devastated for the lack of choices. And your heart goes out with her.

Sana –

Sana is in a state of trance, her eyes are fixed on the face of her still unconscious landlady. In the background is a beeping noise of the electronic vital sign monitors, constantly reminding her that she too still exists, even though she thinks her mind has stopped functioning. As she holds the hands of the woman that serves as her guardian in a foreign country, Sana came to terms with what you said earlier. She really could not just run and leave it all behind. Unbeknownst to her, a pool of tears starts to accumulate again in her eyes. Perhaps, the choice is crystal clear now even if it means you two being away from each other. Sana resigns herself to let it all out again and cry but is stopped by the sound of the opening door. She immediately wiped her tears with her bare hands and tried to fix herself before turning to see who the visitor was.

“Unnie.” Dahyun’s head peeked on the small opening of the door, with her signature smile. “Doc said you haven’t eaten yet. Do you want to join us? Your boyfriend and Doc Jun Han still have a doctors meeting, and Sang Hun has a lecture to attend so it’s just us with Jihyo-unnie.” The anesthetist smiled brightly as she completed her invitation, obviously trying to exude positivity. Sana finishes to wipe her eyes dry and continues to fix herself, she can’t say no and frankly speaking she craves some company too.

Sana noticed that the two ladies tried to talk normally to her as the three of them settled on a table, careful to not bring up the topics related to the things that happened. No one seems to be giving her some weird looks in the hospital so she is thankful that the news didn’t really go out. Yet she could not shake off the feeling that it was a bit strange, normally Sana expected to be bombarded with inquiries but both of them talked about completely random things. "Did Doc tell the both of you not to ask me questions?" She just had to make sure, to confirm her suspicions. Both Dahyun and Jihyo awkwardly looked at each other but ultimately smiled in defeat and admitted that it was indeed the case.

"Are we that obvious, Sana?" Jihyo asked in defeat to which she nodded in response. "It's just highly unusual. You two don't want to be late with the news." Dahyun's mouth dropped in shock when Sana just casually calls them nosy but in a more sophisticated way. Then her lips formed a small smile in amusement, it's the first time she did for the day. It's just friendly banter, and the three just laugh about it.

"Did Doc fill you in with the details?" Sana considered both women more than just colleagues now so she decided to talk about the situation even though it is hard at the moment. Jihyo shaked her head."I only know about your landlady's situation, that she needs a new heart." Dahyun echoed Jihyo's response, also saying that she only knew the same information. "Doc seems to be avoiding the topic entirely so I didn't really pry and ask more." Dahyun added.  Sana immediately thought about you. Of course it's hard for you too, you just act tough because being a doctor requires you to be, and as a boyfriend it requires you even more. 

"This is basically saying goodbye." Sana tried to hold back her tears as she felt like a hand grips her heart again. It is heavy and it keeps on getting heavier that she closed her eyes and the flood gates of tears are now open. Concerned, both women at the table with her scoots closer. Jihyo sitting on the same side gently rubs her back while Dahyun offers tissue. However Sana gathered herself and proceeded to fill them in with the specifics, of how her father wants her to go back to Japan in exchange of securing a heart, of how there is no other choice, of how you two will be apart.

---

Sana looked at you, deep asleep. Probably the only place of peace amidst all the chaos. She examined every single line on your face and she was sure she memorized them all by now. The road to this very moment has not been easy, and Sana thought you deserve the rest you are currently enjoying. It has been your first taste of sleep ever since all of these ensued. She has been itching to touch your face and kiss your lips, but she was also afraid she might wake you up. 

She looked back on the long day you both had, on the emotions and struggles. You both wanted to spend the remaining time together. Even though both of you avoided talking about it, not wanting to make it hard while you are still together. But somehow Sana knew that you also knew that it is just a matter of time, that you need to do what is needed to save a life. She involuntarily sniffs as her nose and eyes swelled again, for which she panicked a bit thinking that might wake you up but fortunately didn’t. Sana then took the chance to slowly get off the bed, careful to not disturb you in the slightest. She fetched a letter from the pocket of her coat, and placed it on your lone bedside table making sure you would see it. Then she took an all look around your room, a bittersweet smile. So many great memories she will forever cherish. And lastly, her eyes landed on you and God knows how much she wants to go back to your side. The few inches apart has been such a torture already.

Reader (Three weeks later) --

You opened the door to see Mrs. Kang sitting up looking outside the window. This is the first time ever since the operation that she has been strong enough to do so. You know she is deep in thought and you hesitated to interrupt her, but you need to make your rounds to your patients and it is her turn. You carefully knocked on the open door to not surprise her, and as she slowly turned around you gave her your best effort for a warm smile.

“It’s much better that you stay lying down, Mrs. Kang. Recover as much strength as possible. The more you do that, the faster you can get out of the hospital.” Normally it takes an average of two to three weeks to recover from a heart transplant. But given her age, you decided to monitor her more than that. She also showed signs of slow recovery so you couldn’t take the risk.

You quickly assisted her in lying back down and proceeded to check on her vitals. “How are you feeling, Mrs. Kang? Not feeling any more discomfort in your chest area?” The old lady slowly shook her head in response. “Your vital signs are well within expected now so I am happy to say we are getting good results. Give it like a week and I can consider releasing you. Sounds good, Ms. Kang?”

“Thank you, Doc.”

“Alright, and don’t forget you can always tell your attending nurse if ever you feel or need something.” You take a final look and give instructions to her own nurse since no relative has even taken the initiative to care, really tragic. You gave her a smile again as you were getting ready to leave when she held your hand to stop you. “Would you allow me a couple of questions, Doctor?”

“Of course.” You obliged after much thought, you were debating internally if it was the right time to let her in on the news. But with her determined eyes, you knew it would just be wrong to not let her know, to deny her of the truth.

You pulled a vacant chair and sat in front of the frail woman, thinking that the conversation would not end that quickly. She looks so much better than before her operation, visibly pain free and presumably getting quite adjusted to her new heart. The heart that has so much weight for you and a particular someone. You immediately remembered how you cried your own heart and eyes out after the successful operation, given how much it meant to you. The hospital director voiced his concern to you, suggesting that you should let other doctors perform the operation because emotions can get in the way, but you have to do it. You just have to make sure that it’s gonna be all worth it, and besides it’s the very last wish she said to you. And today, somehow sitting across her landlady, you realized you did just that. But as for the question if it was worth it, your heart is not that professional after all.

“You are Sana’s boyfriend, right? She always talks about you.” Mrs. Kang reaches out to hold your hand again, soft and gentle.

“Yes, her boyfriend.” It’s technically true, you did not separate that night; in fact not much was really said aside from a couple of lines. Yet you still hesitated, it has been almost a month that you haven’t seen her, not in any shape or form of conversation wahtsoever too.

“I haven’t seen her visit, she told me she works in the same hospital as you. I would very much like to see her.” There is a certain anticipation in her expression, you can clearly see how Sana means to her as well. However, you hate to be the bearer of the disappointing news.

“Sana-” you paused to clear your throat, you once again feel the grip that very fact holds upon your heart. Just her name solicits so much emotion from you. Yet you have to gather yourself and persevere, keep a straight face as much as possible. You have to soften the news to her, she is your patient after all. “Sana is back in Japan, Mrs. Kang. But don’t worry she already knew that you had a successful operation.” The last sentence was a lie. In truth, you don’t have an inkling of news about her, none whatsoever. Not even knowing if she safely arrived. Although, you thought it’s safe to assume that she does, you want to assume. And besides you really could use that particular white lie.

You saw the change in expression in Mrs. Kang's face. From hopeful anticipation to visible sadness. You didn’t do a great job of what you intended to do. "But you don't have to worry, all expenses have been taken care of too already." You tried to distract her with positive news. Yet you know, just like your heart, only a certain someone can fill that void. 

“Can I talk to her at least?” That request was full of desperation, somehow it reflects your heart's desire. You would give the world to just have the chance to hear her sweet bright voice.

“I’ll make sure to let you talk to her once she calls, I’m sure she’ll be glad to hear you well and healthy. But right now, you just need to think about one thing, and that is recovering.” You immediately stood up, desperately wanting to get out of the conversation. You don’t want to lie anymore, but most of all of you just couldn’t hold on to your tears if you keep on talking about Sana. So with the last bit of perseverance, you remained professional. Telling her that you have to go to check on other patients, it’s the last lie you will tell her today.

–

You head to your office after completing your afternoon rounds, you just want to be alone. Unknowingly, you started to go back to your old self, loner, grumpy and unapproachable. And you realized that when you opened the door of your office hearing some laughter but it completely went silent when they saw you walk in the door, well except for one person who was confused about the situation. For the first time in what feels like forever, there was some semblance of joy in the corners of your office; the office that was once a well of happiness when Sana shared it with you and made it her own. Somehow in your heart, you wish she was one of the visitors you have but that is just wishful thinking of course.

“Are you this strict on them that they can’t laugh when you’re around, Oppa?” Your sister was ready to scold you. Jihyo and Dahyun immediately react that it was not the case but Tzuyu’s eyes were fixed on you. 

“What are you doing here?” You disregard your sister’s question. However she was not having it.

“My sister can be a bit feisty.” You smiled at your colleagues. The two of them laughed again, looking more relaxed. They already understood you are a man of a few words. “It’s the first time I saw someone you can square up to you aside from–” Dahyun stopped on her sentence and looked away, conscious about what she almost did. Of course you picked up on it, in fact everyone did as Jihyo was shooting some lethal side eye to the anesthetist. However, you decided to let it go, nothing really good will happen if you mind it. “Will you excuse us, ladies?”

Both Jihyo and Dahyun of course obliged and immediately headed out the door after taking their leave. You sat down on your chair, legs gave out as soon as you reached it. Perhaps you are now done acting tough, you are with someone again where you are not afraid of showing vulnerability. “You didn’t answer my question, little sis. What brought you here?”

“Just checking on you. Anything wrong with that?” Tzuyu took a seat on the chair in front of your table. There was a pause after, yet somehow you know she didn’t expect any kind of answer. “You should stay with us for the meantime, you know. It will do you good to have company.” Ever since Tzuyu and your father met, they have been catching up so fast with each other’s life up to the point that she now lives in his house. You can see that your sister is happy so you are just as happy for her. Her happiness should not be hindered just because you still have your wounds.

“I’m doing fine, Tzuyu-ya.”

“Fine, I brought some food by the way. You should eat it. I won’t linger long, I still need to visit my shop.” She immediately ran to your side and gave you a hug.

“You can tell your father, I might invite him for some drinks.” You told her after the hug.

“He will be happy to hear that.”

–

The next morning rolled around and you woke up as the sunlight from your windows slowly creeped up on your eyes. Every morning has been pretty much the same ever since that night. Just like as you recalled, the first thing that grabbed your attention is the letter waiting for you to be read. And without fail ever since that morning, you reached out for it and unfolded the piece of paper that brings you both hope and sadness; the piece of paper that she left her heart with. Then you start to read again, each line somehow feels like it's the first time you ever read it:

You know I love you, and I will always do.

I’m such a coward for choosing to do it this way. But I know I wouldn’t be able to do this with proper goodbyes. I know it would be impossible for me to go seeing you cry the moment I leave. So allow me to go like this, while you are peacefully asleep.

This is not goodbye. Keep me in your heart until the day that we will see each other again. Promise me that I will still be your Orange.

Lastly, I will go because it is the right thing to do. Because you and I both know we can’t live if we took the selfish path. So let us make it worth it, promise me you will save her. Do all you can, I know you will.

I have so many things to say, but let’s just talk about them when we see each other again.

You know I love you, and I will always do.

Yours,

Orange

-----------------------------------------------------

Fin.

[old-schoolgenz]

Chapter 5: Barcus and Bluey

After enlisting Aphmau's help Abby became much more manageable. But she wasn't joking when she'd described her as a “little Katelyn” his shoulder was beginning to ache with how many times the girl had punched his arm.

Still, he was able to admire just how good Aphmau was at parenting. Her patience with Abby was awe-inspiring, her tone was soft, caring, and being so in touch with her inner child helped with playing (and distracting) Abby while he made lunch for the three of them.

Normally he would make something more complicated if it was just Aph and himself, try out a new recipe or even attempt one of hers, but right now it was baloney sandwiches for Abby and only slightly more complicated sandwiches for the both of them. It was at least something he knew the girl would eat.

“Okay! Foods Done!” He yelled from the kitchen, and was met with Abby’s voice screaming back an “Okay!” trailed by Aphmau's “Coming!”

Abby ran in giggling, looking much happier than when she arrived. She grinned up at him, which made him feel slightly uncomfortable due to mischief that usually followed a grin like that.

“Thanks Aaron!” Aphmau came in a moment later, grabbing both plates of sandwiches and handing the smaller one to Abby, who was jumping in place.

“Yeah, thank you mister!” She was already buried into the sandwich, munching away happily, good, a smile looked better on the girl than the near permanent suspicious scowl she'd worn when she first arrived.

So yes, very much like a little Katelyn then.

Aphmau also buried herself in her sandwich, humming in contentment as she chuckled at Abby’s current antics, like trying to sneak feed Celestia bits of bologna.

“Are you even packed enough to stay here a few days?” Aaron found himself asking, thoughts drifting back to who was going to sleep where, and if Aphmau would even be comfortable at all staying in the house.

“Aaron I live basically across the street, if I need something I can go get it.” She looked unbothered by the situation. So Aaron took it upon himself to also be unbothered, if she wasn't making a big deal out of it, perhaps it wasn't.

“Auntie Aphmau, can you put my favorite show on? It's starting soon.” Abby had already finished and was dragging Aphmau by the hand from the table even though her sandwich was only half eaten.

“Woah, Abby slow down!” But she was laughing and shooting an apologetic glance at Aaron before being dragged off to his living room. The sound of a kids show followed soon after.

Aaron took the chance to finish setting up the guest room, taking the very few old toys he had and setting them around incase Abby wanted to play with them. Although he doubted it, it wasn't much except old toy cars and outdated action figures.

Aphmau was rather intently watching another episode of Bluey, she had to admit that the show had captivated her more than she'd ever thought, and she was grateful for the adult jokes and themes to keep her entertained too.

And Abby… well Abby seemed to just like the chaos the two sister characters put their parents through, she hoped she wasn't getting any idea's including her and Aaron.

Speaking of, he'd gone upstairs and hadn't come down yet, while she didn't think he'd leave her to watch Abby alone she did think that he may still be a bit overwhelmed, which was fair. He'd always been wary around people, and Abby could be… excitable.

“I'll be right back Abby, I'm gonna go check on Aaron.” She ruffled the young girls hair and felt her charge nod. Still engrossed in the television.

She made her way up the stairs, idly she thought about how she hadn't spent much time up here, as the only thing up here was the guest room and Aaron's bedroom, apart from the bathroom of course.

She checked his room first, half expecting him to be sitting on the bed but found him absent from the black fleece sheets. So she knocked hesitantly on the guest bedroom door only for it to creak open to find Aaron standing near the bed, trying to get the only plushie he had in his possession to sit up on the bed.

“Come on… work with me here.” She heard him mutter underneath his breath as he tried to gently coax the well-loved terrier plush into a sitting position without it falling over.

Aphmau couldn't help but smile at his efforts, digging out his old toys for Abby to play with was terribly sweet of him. Expessially the terrier plush he'd had as a baby. She was thankful Abby was usually gentle with toys that weren't hers, otherwise she probably would have told him to keep it out of sight.

Aaron would be a great dad. And she wasn't sure how she knew that but she did know. He had so much love to give, and it wasn't like she didn't know how badly he'd wanted a family of his own. He'd done everything but outright tell her that. Telling her about how terribly fucked up his childhood actually was without going into too much detail.

“Aph? How long have you been standing there?” Whoops, she'd gotten lost in her thoughts and stared at him like a dweeb, oh well.

“Sorry, I came up to check on you, you'd been up here awhile.” She glanced over at the plush, it was sitting finally.

“Oh. Yeah I wanted to finish setting up the room her her, dug out some old toys.” He gestured to the shelf of toy cars and action figures.

“And Barcus.”

Aaron immediately flushed red, regretting wholeheartedly in that moment he'd ever told her the name of the terrier plush, he glanced over at it, feeling the heat crawl up his back.

“He… always made me feel better whenever  I was in an unfamiliar place. I thought…” He grumbled off, far too embarrassed to continue whatever he was about to say.

“Oh Aaron that's so cute”

“It's sweet.” Is what she actually said, shuffling over to him and putting a hand on his back to lead him back downstairs.

“Now, come join us, Abby is probably still watching Bluey. Then maybe you can actually bond with her?” Aphmau smiled warmly at him, causing old butterflies to stir in his gut, if only for a second, before they quickly dissipated.

“You think?” He questioned lightly, still feeling the nerves of being ambushed by responsibility.

“Once she sees how sweet of a guy you are, she'll be all over you just like she is with her dad. Trust me.”

They find Abby downstairs, still watching the TV but cuddling in her other hand a turtle plushie, still looking pleased if not only a little somber.

Her face brightened up a little at the sight of them coming around the corner into the living room. And she started to hop on her place on the couch, gesturing the both of them to sit down.

Aaron stole a glance over at his best freind. Who elbowed him gently in the side while her mouth bubbled out a pleased laugh.

“See? It's not so bad.”

[luvhughes43]

devil i know | trevor zegras x reader

suki waterhouse masterlist - luvhughes43 masterlist🌷

note: this is part 2 to nostalgia

summary: trevor finds out yn is engaged, and things escalate

lyrics: "i'm okay with history repeating, tell me i'm the one you can't forget"

"back in hell, at least i'm comfortable. need your body when my fire's cold. hand to heart, i'm gonna stay faithful to the devil i know, the devil i know"

word count: 2.4k

you haven't seen, talked, or checked any of Trevors socials in a while. you moved on. you were engaged to a nice man, and you dutifully accepted his promises of forever. 

your fiance wasn’t like Trevor at all. he was home all the time, he didn’t prioritize anything above you, and you knew he wouldn’t just leave you as soon as he got his dream offered to him. but he also wasn’t the good parts of Trevor either. he didn’t try hard to make you laugh, he didn’t shout out his i love yous for all your friends to hear, and worst of all, he didn’t make you feel those butterflies that everyone tells you to watch out for. you knew you were supposed to go for the guy that makes you feel calm, like your fiance. but you'd be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t want those butterflies that only Trevor could make you feel back.

y/nuser posted one month ago !

y/nuser

liked by jackhughes, yourbff, and others

y/nuser 05/04/23 🤍

Trevor wasn’t going to lie, he did keep some tabs on you. although he didn’t follow you on instagram anymore, his friends did and when there was a major life update they’d update him. It all started with them updating him on your wellbeing, knowing that Trevor was upset with how he broke things off. 

but you knew better. you shouldn’t have messaged him back, especially with your fiance laying asleep right next to you.

Instagram dms

trevorzegras Hey yn… I know it's been awhile but I just wanted to check up on you

y/nuser why? It's been years…

trevorzegras I've just been thinking a lot about us lately

trevorzegras I’m really sorry about how I handled things. I should've tried harder for us

y/nuser you didn't try at all. you literally broke up with me and kicked me out. we didn't even have a proper talk about it.

trevorzegras I know and that’s all on me. I’m sorry

…

trevorzegras Can I see you?

you shouldn’t have opened the first message, but you definitely shouldn’t have responded. And now here you were, debating on whether or not you should go see Trevor. A man you haven't seen in years… your dms with Trevor still lit up your screen, providing you with the light to see the man sleeping peacefully next to you. 

…

y/nuser when would you be able to meet up?

trevorzegras Are you still living in michigan?

y/nuser yes. i live about 40 minutes from the lake house

trevorzegras I can be in mich by the beginning of May

y/nuser I’ll see you then

i'm okay with history repeating, tell me i'm the one you can't forget

“what are we having for dinner?” your fiance asked as he thumped down the staircase. you were fixing your makeup in the living room mirror, getting ready to go meet up with someone you shouldn't. 

“i'm going out, remember?” you asked, turning around so you could fully face your fiance.

“uh, right. with the girls?” he questioned. 

“yeah. we’re going to go hit the bars so i might be home late. You don't have to wait up,” you turned back to the mirror, capping your tube of lipstick and moving on to scrutinise your hair. Trevor always told you he liked it up, so you grabbed an elastic and tried to figure out a style you could quickly do. 

“right. well maybe I'll just order take out or something?” his statement took on a questioning tone and you lightly sighed. 

“yeah that sounds like fun. maybe you can finish that show we’re watching, what's it called again?” you said flippantly, hoping to find something that could distract him from asking too many questions. although you knew there was nothing for him to question you about (it wasn’t unusual for you to go out with your friends) it felt different this time knowing who you were going to meet up with. 

“The White Lotus?” he supplied, but then quickly added “it’s not the same without you. it’d be traitorous to watch without you”. you cringed at the word traitorous but quickly covered it up as you knew he could see your reflection from the mirror.

“maybe you could start a new show?” you stated in a lighter tone “you can tell me all about it when I get back,” you turned around smiling at your fiance. he smiled back and moved over to the couch to find something on the tv. he seemed pleased for the moment and so you decided to make your escape.

“I’ll see you later,” you waved to him from the front door as you gathered the rest of your belongings needed for the trip. 

“no kiss goodbye?” he pouted, causing you to smile. 

“goodbye” you teased, dragging the last syllable out for emphasis. “bye!” he shouted as you shut the door behind you. 

the drive was short, and soon enough you were standing outside of Trevors rental house, unsure of whether or not you should go through with meeting him. you were convinced earlier that you should, but with the deception of your fiance… you felt guilty for what you were about to do.

Trevor opened the door, giving you no more time to question and let yourself be consumed by the fresh waves of guilt washing over you. 

the first thing you noticed when you saw Trevor was his smile. you don’t know what you expected, but he looked the same. he was more grown up of course, but seeing him ignited everything you ever felt for him inside of you. you felt the pain, the heartbreak, and of course the longing and loving that came with being so close to him for so many years. 

“do you want to come in?” Trevor asked in a low tone, momentarily startling you. you nodded in response, and he moved aside to let you in. closing the door shut behind you.

you spent most of the time just talking on his couch. you had gotten the tense apology out of the way, and you couldn’t believe how quickly you were forgiving him. 

“I just think it’s interesting how now-” Trevor leaned over mid sentence, cutting you off with his lips on your own. you didn't pull back, but you didn’t react either, letting Trevor decide how things would go. he pulled away slightly, a soft apology leaving his lips but you couldn’t hear anything.

lust and longing clouded your vision as you pulled him back to you, arm slung around his shoulders as the other lightly caressed his jaw. as soon as you kissed him you started remembering just how Trevor felt before, how often you two would be in situations just like this… how much you had missed him when he left. 

you woke up in the morning in the airbnb bed. 

“good morning” Trevor said lightly as he brushed one of his hands along your hair that was now out of its updo. 

“good morning,” you whispered back as you sat up in bed taking in your surroundings. yours and Trevors clothes were strewn around the room. your body felt on fire once you came to recollect last night's events.

fiance💍🤍: You haven't texted me an update

fiance💍🤍: Are you staying the night with one of the girls?

fiance💍🤍: Message me when you wake up. I love you

you shut your phone back off and groaned. 

“Is that your…” Trevor started but trailed off, becoming aware of what you both have just done the night before.

“my fiance? yeah…” the two of you said nothing, looking away from each other and the mess that littered the bedroom floor.

you quickly got up and ready. 

“please don’t go,” Trevor pleaded as you stood in the entry with one hand on the doorknob. you quickly dropped your hand. 

“i can’t stay Trev i have a fiance at home and-”

“leave him. just stay with me, please” he pleaded, reaching out a hand to grip yours. you didn’t push him away.

there was a brief silence, “tell me i’m the one you can’t forget” you cut through it. 

“what?” Trevor asked in shock, glancing up to look at your face.

“tell i’m the one person you can’t forget” you basically pleaded, no sense of pride left in your body.

“i can't forget you yn. i haven’t and i won't” he said, moving to stand less than a foot away from you. he leaned down so his forehead was resting against yours and you both sighed out. 

“i’ll see you soon, okay?” you whispered, looking up into his eyes. Trevor nodded slightly, pulling his head away from yours and leaving a small kiss on your forehead. he watched you walk away.

"back in hell, at least i'm comfortable. need your body when my fire's cold”

after the first time, you snuck out to meet Trevor multiple times throughout his stay in michigan. things gt tricky with him leaving the airbnb about a week into your rendezvous and moving into the hughes lake house for the summer, but you made it work.

you felt sick admitting it, but you were comfortable with the routine you and Trevor had created. The guilt from sneaking off into the night soon turned into pleasure, and your love for your fiance turned into something meaningless. the vow you were supposed to take in a few short months meaning absolutely nothing to you.

It was one stupid comment made about dress shopping from one of your friends. your fiance had overheard and agreed. he was actually nervous for you. the fact that you might not have your perfect dress weighed heavily on his mind as he kept pestering you to make various appointments at different bridal shops. 

you had tried on about twenty dresses, none of them looking or feeling right. you felt absolutely miserable. the weight of the fabric weighing heavily on your body as the secret you’ve been keeping from you soon-to-be husband weighed on your mind. 

“yn come on, this one looks beautiful on you!” your best friend expressed as your entourage soon became tired of waiting and watching you try on different dresses just for you to reject them.

you smiled lightly in the mirror, letting your hands trail down the dresses bodice and onto the skirt. it would have been perfect if this was what you wanted at all.

“why are you marrying him?” Trevor asked one night. you had your head on his shirtless chest, arm wrapped around him in a makeshift hug.

you tensed at his question. you weren’t even sure why you were going to get married. it had seemed like the natural progression in your relationship earlier, but now with Trevor back… you knew it wasn’t right. 

“i don't know. I feel like i have to” you admit.

“you shouldn’t feel like you have to get married,” he replied, hand resting against your bare back. 

“what other choice do i have?” you replied, sighing as Trevors hand trailed up and down your back softly.

“you have so many options,” he whispered. “you could come back to cali with me or-” you sat up looking down at him. there was a slight blush tinged across his cheeks, and the small smile on his face made you a little nervous.

“Trevor…” you trailed off.

“no, please hear me out. you can move in with me, and we’ll figure it all out” he exclaimed, a slight frown taking over his face at your hesitant reaction.

“i’m comfortable doing this with you,” you gestured between the two of you and the room that you were in, “but leaving… Trevor i don't know how to tell you this but-”

“but what? this isn’t what you want?” he gestured to himself, obviously meaning that you didn't want a relationship with him.

“It's complicated” is all you said, but that wasn’t enough for Trevor.

“this,” he gestured between the two of you and the room just like you had done earlier, “is an affair. yn you’re cheating on your fiance” he stated. “you want to hook up with me? have an affair? fine. i agreed to that. but you can't just say it means nothing to you when you're going so far out of your way to meet up with me. To lie to your fiance that you’re perfectly fine with marrying him despite everything going on with us right now” he said more aggressively as he pushed you aside so he could sit on the edge of the bed, facing away from you.

you stayed silent, taking all of his words in. 

“I’m sorry,” you whispered out as Trevor huffed and got dressed. leaving you behind in the hotel as he left. 

“hand to heart, i'm gonna stay faithful to the devil i know, the devil i know"

it was your wedding day. you were in the dress you had picked out, you had walked down the aisle with your dad holding onto your arm. your fiance had cried, you could see your friends and family smile as the officiant kept talking about promises and forever. 

your vows were over and done with next. You watched in silent horror as your finance professed his love to you in front of everyone you knew. he was holding your hands and you were terrified to break away. scared to continue on with the rest of the ceremony and terrified that you’d have to live the rest of your life out with a man you knew you didn’t love.

“if anyone objects to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace,” the officiant continued and you turned, almost comically, to see if there was anyone out there who was going to stop this. 

your eyes were big and wide, you were clearly nervous and scared. your hands that were still holding on to your fiances seemed to be slick with sweat. the wedding party looked around a little nervously at your appearance.

“don’t get married,” a man's voice sounded throughout the tense venue and you visibly relaxed as soon as you saw Trevors mop of hair rise from the crowd. “please yn” Trevor pleaded painfully. 

you didn’t even look back at the man holding your hands before you dropped them. shocked gasps and chatter sounding throughout the hall as you took off running towards Trevor.

[divinelolita]

Can you do a bill x male reader where bills about to go on tour and him and reader are sad because he has to leave him for a long time(reader isn’t in the band) and he’s like venting to the band about it and someone suggests that he gets the reader a stuffed animal of some kind so he won’t miss him as much

(sorry if that didn’t make sense English isn’t my first language)

BILL X SAD MALE READER

i wasn't sure if you wanted to do headcannons or a story so I'll just do the latter 😈😈

(AHHH I CAN'T HE WAS SO HOT IN HIS DREADS ERA!!!!)

"Do you really have to go?" you groaned, grabbing onto Bills wrist gently with your hand. He smiled sadly at you, "I'm sorry, M/N. I'm going on tour- I can't just cancel.." he sighed, softly running his fingers over your hands. He brought you into a gentle hug, holding his hands low around your waist as he leaved gentle kisses on your neck.

"And it's not as long as last time. I'll be back to you way sooner..!" he grinned, planting a soft kiss on your lips. You forced a smile at him, still heartbroken and sad yet a tad bit hopeful and happy he would come back quicker than last time. You nodded lightly, smiling as he rubbed your arms carefully. "You could try to schedule something with (friend)?.. They could take your mind off things."

You mentally groaned and pouted to yourself. Yeah..you had other friends and family to hang out with but Bill was your boyfriend and the band was almost like family to you. I mean you could still go to their concerts but you wouldn't be able to spend much time with them. You just really wanted to be with Bill right now. And at the worst time too, considering he was leaving for tour in two days.

---

The next day, Georg looked over at you as the bands last practice ended, everybody groaning and taking sips of water, getting up and stretching. "M/N? 'wassup?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow st you with a hint of concern in his eyes. You shook your head slightly, almost ashamed of yourself. "I just.. I can't believe you guys are going on tour again so soon. I'm so proud of you guys but..." your voice trailed off as you griamced to yourself, feeling embarrassed to say it out loud, "I just kinda.... it gets lonely without Bill around. I mean I still call him but we don't see each other face to face and-"

You stopped your blabbering and covered your face with your hands, whining quietly to yourself. The bassist chuckled to himself, although you couldn't see him. "I mean, it's not as long as last time." Gustav said as he sat down next to you guys, trying to make you feel better. It didn't. You shook your head again as you looked to where Bill was stretching, cracking his neck as he spoke to Tom. "Yeah, yeah. I know. It just so weird without him around..and the fact you'll all be gone just sucks ass."

Georg smiled slightly, looking up as he thought to himself. "I mean, you could try like... a stuffed animal or some shit." He muttered, playing a few chords on his bass quietly, expecting you to guffaw at his idea. When he looked up and saw you sitting there quietly, looking down, he got confused. "M/N?" Gustav asked, also noticing your behavior. "It doesn't have to be a stuffed animal- you could try something else like-" the blonde began, before you interrupted him as you slowly looked up.

"What kind of stuffed animal?" you asked, Georg blinking at you for a second in surprise before grinning. "Pshhhhh... I dunno." he rolled his eyes, looking over at Gustav. "What animal reminds you of Bill?" he asked the drummer, too lazy to think of one. "Ermmm....a cat? ..I don't fucking know dude." He mumbled the last art, watching as Georg laughed at his suggestion lightly. "A cats not a bad idea." Tom said, showing up behind Gustav as he patted him on the shoulder lightly.

""How the fuck is it a good idea? How is Bill like a cat?" Georg began, although everybody ignored him and continued talking about this godforsaken cat stuffed animal.

---

You cursed under your breath as you looked at the calendar, realising the dreaded day had came. You forced yourself out the door, going over to where the band was. Once you reached the destination, you watched sadly as Georg brought his bags out to the tour bus and everybody else was packing up. Bill grinned brightly when he saw you, running over to you and hugging you so hard and so close to him you nearly fell. You held back a sniffle as you held him in hour arms, leaving kisses over his cheeks.

"What is that?" Bill giggled, gesturing down to what was in your hand. Your cheeks flushed in embarrassment as you noticed you were holding that stupid black cat stuffy, with beautiful green eyes and soft fur. "It's uhhhhh......a little reminder of you." you mumbled, sheepishly rubbing the back of your neck. He blinked up at you, before giggling as he leaned into your chest more and carefully took the cat into his gentle hands.

"... I would've thought I was more of a dog. Like a lab or something." he smiled, moreso talking to himself than you. He traced his fingers over the cat, behind the ears and over the tail, admiring it in all its glory. You shrugged, giggling a little yourself. You were about to respond to him, but Tom beat you to it. " Bill 'cmon! We gotta go now." the dreadhead yelled over his shoulder, giving you a small wave goodbye. You returned it, smiling softly at him before looking at Bill. He sighed, pursing his lips slightly as his eyes became glossy. You brought him into a tight squeeze, kissing his neck over and over.

"I love you I love you I love you.." you repeated over and over, bringing him into a kiss. He returned it, arms wrapping around your neck before he pulled back, letting out a watery chuckle. "I love you too, M/N. More than you could ever know." He brought you into one last, tight embrace before he hesitantly let go, slowly walking to the tour bus as he looked over his shoulder to you, and then the cat. You saw him grin as he looked at the little animal, then wave goodbye as he jogged the rest of the way back to the vehicle.

You watched it drive off, holding back tears that were threatening to fall. You sighed loudly, biting the inside of your cheek before looking down at the cat stuffed animal.

"Well, Bill Jr. , let's get you home."

You muttered, turning around back in the direction of your house.

[cesiali]

You Love Me To Hate You（Peter/Paul，Mentions of Gene/Paul & Ace/Paul)（part Ⅰ）

nc-13

My English is not very good and I haven't been to the US…so sorry for my grammar and translation issues.

————

1994

In fact, Peter should have realized the intentionality behind this as early as when he got the call from Paul.

"Who is it?" Peter answered the phone.

"It's me, Paul." A voice he would never forget until the day he died made Peter almost just hang up the phone, "Please don't hang up. "

Great, Paul even guessed that he was planning to do just that.

"What do you want, Paul?"

"What do you mean?"

"Don't play with me, Paul! What are you calling for? To mock me for being broke or for being swept off my feet by my ex-wife, I offered you the option, take your pick. Or, fuck it if you want, you can mock both!"

"Why should I make fun of you? I didn't even know you were divorced."

"Of course, you don't know..." Peter took the receiver in a different hand, feeling unusually agitated, "You don't CARE!"

"Look, Peter," Paul actually skirted right around the subject, adjusting his tone as if nothing had happened, "there's no way I can talk to you about this over the phone, okay? Let's meet, I promise there's absolutely no sarcasm or teasing, and I'll come to your there and you give me the address."

Peter gulps as the hand clutching the receiver begins to sweat,"What makes you think I'd give you an address?"

"Because I will wait."

Damn it.

———

Peter arrived early at the place they had agreed upon, an Italian restaurant. But was slow to enter, hovering in the doorway, glancing down at his watch now and then.

At the appointed time, he hadn't seen Paul, not even a single figure that resembled him. Although they hadn't seen each other for a couple of years, after Paul's wedding to his actress wife, to which Peter and Debra had been invited, and yes, at that point in time, Debra was still his wife and he still retained the right to see his lovely daughter whenever he wanted... Peter vowed that if Paul mentioned anything relevant in today's conversation, he'll leave right away.

He just doesn't want to see the misfortune of self in the happiness of others.

"The little bastard's late..." Peter stomped his foot twice in annoyance and uttered a curse.

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he heard a rush of footsteps, and Peter didn't need to look up to know the identity of his visitor. Peter eyes were down low, and he noticed that the other man was wearing a pair of white and purple Puma boardshorts.

"Sorry I'm late..." Paul's breathy tone sounded convincing.

"You do deserve to be sorry." Peter inwardly took pleasure, Sinful Pleasures, in the fleeting embarrassment in Paul's words.

When Peter realized that a grin was forming on his face, he knew that Paul had noticed it as well, and although the sunglasses were blocking the lead singer's eyes, the way he tensed his lips was enough to show that he was trying to suppress the discomfort he felt about it. If he could, Peter really wanted to laugh out loud, wondering if Paul wouldn't be able to resist yelling at him. However, the thought flashed briefly through Peter's mind and he quickly stop, not wanting to give away too much.

As the eyes of passersby around them began to gradually fall on the two of them, "I think we should go inside." Paul adjusted his sunglasses.

"I thought you loved attention."

"Not at a time like this."Paul clasps his arms to his chest.

He didn't retort, unexpectedly honest, for a master of disguise like Paul Stanley.

...

The waiter led them to their reserved seats, and the two of them took their seats one after the other.

"Are you going to take it off?" Peter said as he received a warm towel from the waiter.

Paul, who had also wiped his hands on a warm towel, froze for a moment, realizing with hindsight that Peter was referring to his sunglasses.

Paul froze for a moment, then obediently removed his sunglasses and gently folded them on the table. Revealing the part of him that Peter had known best from before, his eyes. Peter had heard a theory of biology that the eyes, the only five senses in a human being that don't change as they age. Peter backed up that statement 100%.

In fact, looking at Paul's face, it struck him that Paul was most likely wearing makeup, maybe just a little foundation or something, and there was no trace of eyeliner on his large, drooping eyes, except for a few wrinkles. There was none of the childishness Peter remembered, and he wasn't as shy as he used to be, but he still retained a vague sense of gender. Age had sharpened the line of his jaw, and his long, curly hair balanced it out nicely...even if only half of it was real.

"Is there something on my face?" Paul took a sip of water from his glass and pulled his hair behind his ear.

Peter shrugged and took a sip of water as well, "I heard a rumor that neither you nor Gene's hair is real."

Paul's hand still rested on the glass, and he nearly choked himself before he could swallow the sip he'd taken. "Do you have any insight into this?" He exhaled.

"No, it just popped into my head..." Peter's voice is fading. leaning back in his chair and shaking his head at the ground.

Paul didn't pay him attention any more, instead turning his attention to scrutinizing his own reflection in the mirrored image reflected by the metal knife and fork after the waiter had handed out the menus and set the cutlery. He ran his fingers through his wavy hair and turned his face sideways for a moment. For a moment, felt like he was back in the 70's, where any minute now, crying, screaming fans would be rushing towards him, but unfortunately they didn't have any bodyguards around to keep them in check. the 70's were as far away from KISS as a lifetime ago, and the glory and the honor had been washed away by time.

Like countless times in the past, Peter stared long enough that he began to wonder more and more why he was here. He picked up the menu in front of him, determined to distract himself. As it turned out, the menu was cluttered with new-school dishes he didn't recognize, much to Peter's annoyance. He simply closed the menu with a thud and decided to follow his experience.

"Let's start with the main course, a pasta, the Neapolitan kind, ya know? With red peppers and chopped parsley, oh... Yeah, and finally grate a bit Parmesan cheese on top, I like to smell the cheese. The rest of it...Paul, do you want to take care of the other parts of the order?"

The sudden call of his name made Paul's hands and feet flutter, his eyes flickering back and forth between the knife and fork and Peter's face, "Me? Uh... Actually I wasn't-"

"What the fuck does that mean?" Peter cut him off, his brow furrowing.

"I'm on a diet."

Paul hesitates, unsure if he wants to reveal more in front of outsiders.

"Bullshit."

"I really am!"

"It's an Italian restaurant, Paul, don't be rude." Peter rolled his eyes. Paolo hasn't changed a bit.

"I don't want to do this, Peter." Paul's eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly, then the corners of his mouth rapidly turned downward.

"Finish your meal, Paul, or I'm leaving now." Peter threatened sternly, his hands balled into fists.

If it had been Gene, he probably would have gone along with Paul's wishes and taken care of most of the food, then lost the argument with Paul during the dessert session and sent a drunken Paul home when it was over because his was in charge of the drinks portion. But that was the big difference between Gene and Peter, he would never pay for Paul's pathetic dream of being a lead singer, and since he offered to come out to dinner, he had to eat his share.

Paul turned his face away, he was clearly suppressing pent up anger.

It made Peter suddenly a bit regretful, a precursor to Paul building up his self-defense, and it was highly likely that he would skimp on self-expression for every minute of the next day, not volunteering a single word until Peter was so tormented he couldn't take it anymore and drowned the two of them in silence.

The good news is Paul wasn't quiet for long: "That's up to you. Except for one thing, no fried garlic in the pasta, I'm sticking to that."

"What kind of spaghetti aglio e olio (pasta with garlic and oil) is that without fried garlic?"

"Just remove the aglio (garlic) and keep the spaghetti e olio (pasta with oil), Peter."

For a while, neither continued to speak, just staring into each other's eyes.

"Fine, no damn fried garlic." Peter gritted his teeth and took the lead in compromising, picking up the menu to put him up and block them both from view.

Why on earth would he agree to see Paul? They spent the mid-80's throwing all sorts of shit at each other's heads through the media. The relationship went on for quite some time, no one remembering who started it and no one knowing how it ended. Into the 90's Paul invited Peter to his wedding out of the blue, agreeing to go although he was quite surprised.

It makes absolutely no sense, but that lack of sense is exactly the norm in their relationship.

By the time their food was served, Peter's stomach was already growling with hunger and he feasted on it without a care in the world. That is, until he noticed Paul sitting across from him, slowly rolling up a few pieces of pasta and popping them into his mouth with the tangled expression of an anorexic chick. But as soon as the flavors melted on his tongue, Paul's eyebrows in surprise and his eyes narrowed in an involuntary smile.

"Enjoying your food, Paulie?" asked Peter taking in everything that had just happened, he loved seeing Paul enjoying his food.

"Hmm, It's a bit more than I expected, actually it's really good." Paul lets the food slide down his throat and nods contentedly.

Did Peter just call him "Paulie"? He was pretty sure the last time Peter had called him that in years, the news was still reporting on Jimmy Carter's re-election defeat.

"You know what? You should just relax and allow some good things to happen in your life."

"I don't know, Peter. It's been so long that I can't tell the difference between a lot of things anymore." Paul's fork stopped. The food in his mouth suddenly became difficult to swallow.

Can't tell what? The good things in life? Come on, his wife gave him a son not too long ago, can't even his child fill his empty ego and be considered a good thing? Paul's ego-collapsing problem is non-trivial.

"For God's sake, Paul, you just had a baby boy, remember? That's worth being grateful for what you have."

"I do appreciate that, really."

Paul wanted to say something, opened his mouth, and closed it again.

"Don't tell me you're still hung up on that shit."

"What do you mean?"

"From the past to the present, you've always gone in both directions. " Peter flipped his wrists from side to side and take a sip of wine.

"What nonsense are you talking about? I'm not Ace, I've never gone the other way."

"Keep talking, Paul, keep convincing yourself, even if you can't convince anyone. "A snort escaped Peter's lips.

Paul puts down his fork: "Don't talk like you know a lot about me, you don't know me at all-"

"I know you well enough! All those complaints and little secrets from your past." Peter picked up his glass again and this time drank it down in one gulp, moving so much that he missed a few drops on his baggy t-shirt, "We used to talk on the phone every night, remember? We'd go on and on and Lydia would argue with me about me draining the phone bill. It was all good then, until you got hooked on Ace......"

"That's enough, It's all in the past, Peter. I don't want to keep talking about this." Paul quickly interrupted Peter's reminiscing, seemingly truly determined to make a clean break with the past.

"I didn't start all of this, you did..." Peter was guilty of muttering as he glanced at Paul to make sure the lead singer wasn't too disturbed by the conversation he'd just had, and he raised his hand to summon the waiter to order another glass of wine.

With his second glass, Peter greedily chased the aroma of the brew and felt better.

"So, how come you're alone, I thought you and Gene were Siamese twins now?"

"He's got his own thing going on, and we're not always together." Paul didn't react to Peter's inappropriate analogy as if he was finally getting used to it.

Watching Paul pick his fork through his spaghetti like a three-year-old with less than a third of the portion left, Peter saw it as an improvement.

"Want one?" Peter pushed the bread basket leaning in front of him towards Paul's end, curious if he could get Paul to eat more.

"I don't think I should eat anymore." Paul burped at the right time.

That's not the kind of answer that would satisfy Peter.

"PAUL."

"Fine!" Paul impatiently picked up a baguette and pushed the bread basket back.

Peter immediately casts a wide smile and slackens his expression management.

Then the smile faded from his face as he witnessed Paul slowly placing the soup-covered baguette into his mouth.Paul's large eyes ghosted over to his own for a quick glance, just one glance, and quickly moved away. At the same time, he bit down into the bread, soaking up the soup so deliciously that it almost made him moan, and he closed his eyes to savor it. On the other end Peter was struck in the small of his back by a primal urge, his body's betrayal coming so suddenly that he had to awkwardly adjust his pants in his seat.

Did he do it on purpose? Or did Peter misunderstand the meaning.

This query would keep playing on the drummer's mind for the rest of the mealtime.