#alternate title for this is chad and knuckles

[twilightsporklez]

The Real Reason Why I’m Not Allowed Inside The Denny’s Anymore

    Snow covered the road as Kain drove down the highway. They were almost to their cabin.

    He parked the car. “we hear bb”

Story continued under the cut (cw: violence, death)

    “It will be a long, freezing night. We need supplies. Can you get some wö’od?” Amy, his girlfriend, asked. She had forgotten to bring a coat, and also the proposal ring.

    “ill get sum donut worrie :3”

    Did he just say a face? “I need to go reconsider how the universe works.” Maybe this marriage thing too. Amy got out of the car and marched through the snow bank. “Do not forget the wö’od my love.” She watched him drive off and then unlocked the door.

    Amy entered swiftly, closing the door behind her. She shivered. It was about as warm as a corpse in Norway that legally isn’t allowed to be unearthed in case it causes another pandemic. As expected, there was no wood in the fireplace. 

    She followed her way back up the familiar stairs to the attic. There were plenty of blankets to be had. One by one, she dragged them downstairs and made a fort. It was a complicated structure, designed with easy access to the fireplace and a ventilation system. It was tiring work, and even though it was only early afternoon, she fell asleep and started to dream.

    A horse walks through the snow. He thinks that having an intermission in a story this short is a stupid idea. He cannot express this opinion, both because he is a horse, and because he does not know that he is within a story.

    The horse is not hungry, for he had a snack earlier.  He has plenty of warmth, snowflakes melting as they hit his pelt. The only pain he faces is emotional.

    All his life he tried to gain his father’s approval. He had been too runty, too ugly, too stupid for it. Finally he had been sold off to a rich family; finally he had met his father’s expectations. 

    It had not lasted. He walks back to his home town in shame. A sign in the distance. Free Plastic Surgery at Claire’s (with purchase.) Maybe he could at least be pretty enough for his father. An unsuccessful child is less shameful if said child has had thousands of dollars worth of alterations made to their body.

    The horse speeds into a gallop. It will be morning soon and he wants to be first in line.

    Something hit Amy. “Nieghe,” the thing said. It was a horse. Her perfect fortress had mostly fallen into disrepair in her sleep.

    “im home sweatie :D”

    The emoticon sent shivers down her already-frozen spine. Wind rocked the house. “Can you light the fireplace? It is cold.”

    “im sowwie babie i spent all the monays on my new freind chad” He reached over and pet the horse. “heil keep us warm”

    “Neighghh,” Chad neighed.

    Amy swaddled deeper in her cacoon. “He does not have enough hë’et for all four of us Kain.”

    “ok i know im not great at math but im pretty sure we are only 3”

    How was it possible to instill the dread of seeing a typo into your voice? “No. I am,” Amy paused. “I am. I-I am pregnerte.”

    “ur pregante” he asked.

    “Neieihg,” Chad said.     “Yes I am pragnerp. How will he provide for all of us?”

    “hes berg hoarse he can keep us warm” Kain said.

    Amy considered it for a moment. “I think you are right. If we cut him open and hide in the skin, we will have a nice meal and be able to stay toasty all night. I call the intestine’s- I need a new scarf.”

    Kain’s mouth gaped open. “u cant kill him hees my frond dont u loaf me :(“

    Chad took a few steps back. “Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiegh.” Perhaps he could understand human speech. Or maybe he just recognized her determination to have some fresh winter fashion.

    “I could put up with the weird faces, but this is too much.” Amy looked Kain straight in the eye. “You are no longer my boyfreind.” 

    “:(“

    “Neeigeh,” disapproved Chad.

    Kain gave Chad a hug. “im nice so ill let u stay teh nite butt after that we dont have to talk amy”

    “But I refuse. We will die long before the night is over.” Amy pulled her blanket over her head. “What if there is an intruder?”

    As if she had predicted the future, the door suddenly burst open, bringing with it the frigid air of the storm.

    Kain turned around. “an intruder oh no chad like i taught you”

    Chad pulled out a gun. “Neeeigh.” Chad pressed down the trigger. Chad, like most horses, did not have hands with which to aim. Bullets spewed everywhere.

    Kain went over and shut the door. “wait nvm theres nothing there just the storm” 

    “I am bleeding out. Why did you do this? How could you trust a horse with a gun over your own girlfriend?” 

    “ok i didnt give him the gun i dont know where chad got that but i am proud of him” He pulled a carrot out of his pocket and fed it to Chad. “he was supposed to do a song and dance routine but i like his creativity”

    Chad neighed happily. “Neighh!”

    “I’m cryigngngn :(“ Amy clutched her chest. She was in too much pain to realize what low levels she had stooped to. “If you transplant his organ’s the baby and I may live.” 

    Kain stared at her from the doorway. “you arent my girlfrand anymoar”

    “I hate you!” she screamed. And then she died.

        The horse meanders into the Claire’s. There are no other customers. He brings some nail hoof polish to the front desk and asks for plastic surgery. The clerk does not speak horse, but that is okay. He’s used to that.

    He releases the only thing he received from his father other than verbal abuse. A long, swirling horn grows out of his forehead, and he levitates a pen and paper onto the desk. Plastic surgery pls, he writes. The clerk is startled but understands. He pays for his purchase and then follows the clerk into the back area.

        It takes a while to get onto the medical bed (he hopes it is medical, anyway,) but once he is on it the gas takes him quickly. He experiences no pain, and awakes feeling fine.

    He is carted over to the mirror. He cannot recognize himself. It is horrible.

    The face is distinctly human in the way that true emotional connection can never be. The skin is pulled tight against his bones, his nostrils struggling to pull in air.  It sags in all the wrong places, and his hair, oh my his hair. It resembles that of a shounen protagonist who has just done some heroin. 

    He is a failure.

    His father will never love him now.

        Kain turned to his best friend Chad. His only other friend- ex-friend, had just died. He wasn’t sure what to do with the evidence yet.

    “Neighhhhhgh,” Chad said.

    Kain spoke horse and knew what Chad meant. Im sorry about your girlfriend can i eat her.

    “dont be sad i never luved her” Kain unraveled the body from the blankets for easier consumption. This would make the cleanup easy. 

    He started on getting the blood out of the carpet.

    “Neiehhihihgh.” What will you do with your love life now that your girlfriend is dead oh wait we should have a funeral.

    “nah” Kain threw the blankets into the fireplace and lit them. “rip to her but im different ill survive these bullet wounds” he said. And then he didn’t.

[allspark]

It’s time for our weekly Diamond Comics Shipping List! Check out some great titles IDW has in store for us next week like Star Trek vs Transformers, Batman/The Maxx, Star Wars, Team Sonic Racing, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and much more! All coming your way for December 5th!

STAR TREK VS TRANSFORMERS #3

John Barber, Mike Johnson (A/CVR A) Philip Murphy (CVR B) Gaving Fullerton

Klingons and Decepticons lay siege to a remote Federation dilithium mine-and the only thing holding them back is the shaky alliance of Captain Kirk and Optimus Prime. But what dark secret is buried beneath the ground… and can this uneasy partnership withstand the revelations?

The Transformers ’80s cartoon series meets Star Trek: The Animated Series in a no-holds-barred Saturday Morning mash-up for the ages!

TRANSFORMERS IDW COLL PHASE 2 HC VOL 08

John Barber, James Roberts, Shane McCarthy (A) Alex Milne, Andrew Griffith, Guido Guidi (CVR) Marcelo Matere

Rodimus leads a team of Autobots into Cybertron’s past, pursuing the Decepticon double-agent Brainstorm, who plans on killing Orion Pax before he can become Optimus Prime. Meanwhile, on Earth, Prowl is left in command gathering his allies, the Constructicons, to search for the one human he holds a grudge against, Spike Witwicky. Then, Drift returns! After leaving the Autobots in disgrace, he’s now alone, on a mission to clean up the darkest depths of the galaxy.

Collects Transformers: More Than Meets The Eye issues #35-40, Transformers: Robots in Disguise issues #35-38, Transformers: Punishment, and Transformers: Drift-Empire of Stone.

•   Advance solicited for December release! •   The best format for new readers to pick up the series and for continuing readers to supplement their collections with deluxe hardcovers.

BATMAN/THE MAXX ARKHAM DREAMS #3

Sam Keith (A/CVR A&B) Sam Kieth

With Joker back in Arkham, Maxx runs off into the night. Meanwhile, Batman grows more wary of Dr. Disparu’s experiments. In an effort to unravel the riddles of the Outback (and Disparu), Batman seeks out Julie Winters… and they both enter a dimensional hole leading to the Outback-where they encounter an alternate version of Harley Quinn! Back in the real world, Joker, Harley, and the Penguin are the current subjects of Disparu’s experiments-experiments that have a decidedly bad reaction on the Maxx!

COMPLETE CHESTER GOULD DICK TRACY HC VOL 25

Chester Gould (A/CVR) Chester Gould

Dick Tracy closes out the 1960s by moonlighting-literally! The master sleuth takes a part-time second job as Head of Security and Law Enforcement for Diet Smith’s operations based on the moon. Soon, Tracy learns that an international crime syndicate, the Apparatus, has infiltrated Smith’s organization on the lunar surface.

All this and more in these classic Chester Gould comic strips, from April 3, 1969, to December 23, 1970.

MAGIC THE GATHERING CHANDRA #1

Vita Ayala (A) Harvey Tolibao (CVR A) Ken Lashley

The boundless multiverse of Magic: The Gathering returns to comics!

In the wake of tragedy, Planeswalker and pyromancer Chandra Nalaar strikes out on her own. On her journey, she’ll have to fight against threats both old and new, as well as her own sense of guilt. Can she overcome all of that alone? And who is that familiar face lurking in the shadows?

OCTOBER FACTION TP VOL 05 SUPERNATURAL DREAMS

Steve Niles (A/CVR) Damien Worm

With their former leader and father retired, the rest of the Allan family adjusts to the new status quo and brings the monster-hunting business into the modern era. But a sinister and powerful new evil stirs… one that could tear the family apart! The town of Gristlewood is under attack from the most powerful being it has ever seen. Vivian and Geoff take the lead in fighting the evil, but can they even begin to match its power? Or will this be the end of the October Faction?

•   Advance solicited for December release! •   “The October Faction: Supernatural Dreams is packed with demonic action, with an important family thread running through it.”-Horror Talk

RICK & MORTY VS DUNGEONS & DRAGONS #3

Patrick Rothfuss, Jim Zub (A/CVR A&B) Troy Little

A dimension where the Dungeons & Dragons paradigms are real. The rules are absolute… or, at least, they were… until Rick and Morty make their mark. Get ready to plead the fifth (edition) in this unlawful, chaotically evil story of family friction and fantasy frolics.

The world’s greatest roleplaying game. Reality’s most dysfunctional animated series. What could go wrong?

•   Presented in conjunction with Oni Press! •   Patrick Rothfuss, the multiple award-winning, bestselling author of The Kingkiller Chronicle series, joins Dungeons & Dragons fan-favorite author Jim Zub (Avengers, Wayward) on a tri-dimensional fantasy adventure! •   Rick and Morty is one of the most popular shows in Adult Swim history, with a steady fan following since it debuted in 2013. This is the first official Rick and Morty team-up story and should have deep traction in fan circles! •   Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition sales continue to grow each year and the Baldur’s Gate video games have sold millions of copies around the world. D&D has returned as a cultural force in bookstores and online.

RISE OF THE TMNT #3

Matthew K. Manning (A) Chad Thomas (CVR A) Andy Suriano

The TMNT are in a bitter fight with each other over an extremely sensitive topic… which pizza place has the fastest delivery! When a villain butts in, the Turtles will have to put aside their differences and do what they do best: beat up bad guys!

•   Overseen by showrunners Andy Suriano (Cosmic Scoundrels) and Ant Ward!

ROAD OF THE DEAD HIGHWAY TO HELL #2

Jonathan Mayberry (A/CVR B) Drew Moss (CVR A) Santiperez

An over-the-top wild ride prequel to ROAD OF THE DEAD! Written by Jonathan Maberry, New York Times bestselling author and creator of V-WARS. Scientist Harriet, tank crewman Skelly, and their crew of losers leave a trail of bodies-living and dead-behind them as they race for sanctuary through the zombie wasteland of North America. The road to hell is paved with bad decisions, heavy drinking, and a lot of blood on the asphalt.

•   Five-time Bram Stoker award-winning author, Jonathan Maberry, returns for a new tale of the undead!

STAR TREK TNG TERRA INCOGNITA #5

Scott Tipton, David Tipton (A) Angel Hernandez (CVR A) Tony Shasteen (CVR B) Photo

On the heels of the blockbuster THROUGH THE MIRROR miniseries comes a brand-new NEXT GENERATION series, featuring untold tales of Captain Jean-Luc Picard and the crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise-D! Interstellar odd couple Worf and Beverly Crusher undertake a difficult mission, but can they overcome their differences to work together?

•   Takes place during Star Trek: The Next Generation’s critically acclaimed fourth season! •   Featuring covers by Mirror Broken co-creator and designer J.K. Woodward! •   The unexpected twist ending of Through the Mirror continues!

STAR WARS ADVENTURES #16

Chris “Doc” Wyatt, Michael Moreci, Kevin Burke (A/CVR B) Arianna Florean (A/CVR A) Valentina Pinto

Welcome to the Resistance! Star Wars Resistance is an exciting new animated series coming to the Disney Channel this fall, and making its Star Wars Adventures debut in this very issue! In the time before The Force Awakens, this all-new adventure follows the fledgling Resistance as it begins to realize the growing threat of the First Order!

•   Ties into the new Star Wars Resistance animated show coming this fall to Disney Channel! •   Written by Resistance show writers Chris “Doc” Wyatt and Kevin Burke! •   Plus, an exciting new Flight of the Falcon story!

STAR WARS ADVENTURES DESTROYER DOWN #2

Scott Beatty (A) Jon Sommariva (A/CVR A) Derek Charm

Swallowed by the shifting sands of Jakku, the Imperial Star Destroyer Spectral has been lost for two decades, giving rise to rumors of hauntings and buried treasure. But an epic sandstorm has revealed the ruins of the starship, and renowned scavenger Rey now leads the race to claim whatever lies within!

•   Three-issue miniseries set during the days before The Force Awakens! •   Includes a backup story depicting the Battle of Jakku, revealing how the Star Destroyer Spectral met its fate during the last days of the Empire!

TEAM SONIC RACING (ONE-SHOT)

Caleb Goellner (A/CVR A) Adam Bryce Thomas

Sonic’s been taken to another world and entered into a race unlike any other! With a little help from his friends Tails and Knuckles, he’ll race to win the competition and get everyone home! BUT! Before that, check out a comics exclusive story straight from the world of Team Sonic Racing!

•   Leads into the upcoming game, Team Sonic Racing, available Winter 2018! •   Sonic, Knuckles, and Tails team up in this exciting adventure! •   Special extra-long one-shot!

TMNT ONGOING IDW COLL HC VOL 08

Kevin Eastman, Tom Waltz, Ben Bates, Dustin Weaver (A) Bill Sienkiewicz, Damian Couceiro (CVR) Dan Duncan

Bebop and Rocksteady stumble across a time-travel scepter, kickstarting the craziest, most destructive adventure yet! Then, when a mysterious new mutant targets Baxter Stockman, it will be up to the TMNT to reluctantly save him, but little does anyone know that a larger trap is being laid by a new arch-foe. Plus, Donatello reboots a new and improved Metalhead only to find that the robot no longer functions entirely as designed. Collects the Bebop & Rocksteady Destroy Everything mini-series, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Universe issues #1-8, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles issues #65-66.

•   Advance solicited for December release! •   The best format for new readers to pick up the series and for continuing readers to supplement their collections with deluxe hardcovers.

  Join the IDW Hasbro Shared Universe related conversation here in our Comics Discussion and Reviews section and here for all other franchises, superheroes, or general comic book discussions! Not a member? Join our community by creating your own free account here! Or jump right into the live chat on our Discord server or our Facebook Group!

IDW Comics Shipping List for December 5th! It’s time for our weekly Diamond Comics Shipping List! Check out some great titles IDW has in store for us next week like