#alsooooo i hear his voice in the hall and my heart literally starts to hurt it is SO bad
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personally I don't like this ish (pointing to my emotions) and if I could remove one very specific one I am struggling with at the moment, that would be SOOOOOO very convenient and helpful, Lord
#you know that thing where it's like hope is hemophilia you bleed and you bleed and you bleed#yeah well i'd like to stop bleeding already there's literally nothing there's literally NOTHING i'm working with!!!!#alright im tired so i WILL talk and then will delete this tomorrow but. i love this boy so much and it is personally Killing me#it is also deeply embarrassing the extent that i care about him and how silly my behaviour has been as a result#i literally cooked for half the dorm because i wanted to make food for him. like girl whyyyyy#do i need to go down to breakfast at 7:30am every single day? no. do i go because i know he's always there before his class? yeah#do i worry about him and wonder about him and ask him about his day pretty much every day? also yes#it has been SUCH a mess of sticky notes and asking about what he needs prayer for and buying the same brand of cookies because i know#they're his favourite and simply losing my MINDDDD which is so silly because i KNOW he ***** ******* ****#he literally TOLD me about this. the door is already CLOSED. WHY must the delusional voice in my head harp on in this way!!!!#alsooooo i hear his voice in the hall and my heart literally starts to hurt it is SO bad#there's way more than this but that's all i'm willing to admit because even when tired i at least have some sense of wanting to preserve#my dignity. anyway#the waiting room chapter
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