#also. sorry to say it but recovery is absolutely a choice. developing an ed is not a choice but recovery is.

[beveragelover]

i gotta rant abt this it’s driving me absolutely insane the self-infantilisation in the ed “recovery” community griiiiiiinds my fucking gears. like i understand so much the desire to be viewed as ill so that you are cared for etc and i have been guilty of this shit in the past. but every time a “recovery” account pops up on any social media it almost always contains sick pics, videos of crying over meals or videos of eating teeny tiny bites like a child, waaaaay too much information on how sick they were (here’s all the organs that i was told were shutting down! here’s how many times i was tubed! here’s how many times i almost died!), and “outfit pics” that are just poorly disguised body checks. and then they all DENY IT when it’s brought up. you knowwwwwww what you’re doing!!!! i KNOW you know what you’re doing!!!!! fucking stop it i am going to chew my way through the drywall in your bedrooms

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

Hey I thought I could ask for some advice on this as I do not know what would be a healthy boundary in regards to this. I've lately been struggling with a relapse first because of depression then because of illness. It's been hard as only one friend really knows or cares about it. I greatly appreciate her for this. But I have been running into an issue with an unaware friendgroup. We have this discord server and it normally is fine. Nothing too heavy and mostly just art and video games. We do have a vent channel and this person is slowly starting to post more about their weight and calorie counting and bmi. I am highly competitive which is an issue I need to resolve myself. On the other hand I feel that this is a safe place and I'm allowed to be able to say I'd really appreciate no weight loss discussion there as I've also felt that I should not brinf my issues up there. Would it be an okay thing to do to maybe ask this person to not discuss weight loss?

I always struggle to see the line between my competitiveness and my actual triggers. I'm currently unable to go home much because my brother has developed an exercise addiction and my family says my concerns are out of line. They also have said his behaviour is normal and past situations have made me feel that discussing things that trigger me can lead to people getting aggressive and annoyed. This is why i feel really scared to adress this in my friendgroup.

I'm so sorry for the long ask. I really appreciate your posts, they help me remind myself that I should keep going despite all the hardships I'm facing <3

Wow, that can be really difficult to navigate! I would say you are ABSOLUTELY allowed to confide your issues to your friends, and that if they are good friends they will understand and respect your need for healing. Do be prepared to encounter an issue that many of us in ED recovery encounter, where we have to make hard choices when some of our friends are not so good at being supportive.

I think, depending on what you feel comfortable sharing with people in the vent channel, you would be well within your rights to share maybe just a small amount of your backstory to give context as to why this is triggering for you - stuff like "I have had to work hard to recover from an eating disorder, and I still have some triggers." However, if you don't feel comfortable sharing that, you could simply go with the lines "It is not good for my mental health to be part of conversations about weight, BMI, or dieting. I hope you understand and understand that although I do care, these things are not good for my health."

Do understand that while you are well within your rights to at least put this out there, your friend may say no. You're allowed to voice your issues, but your friend has been using this as a space to vent their own issues. Hopefully the conversation is at least had respectfully and everyone is able to stick to a solution that works for everybody. If not, you can respectfully tell the group something like, "I understand. For my safety and mental health my only option is to stay out of this chat for an indeterminate period of time." These are hard choices to make and can hurt, but setting this boundary may free you up to find people who do support your mental health needs.

As for your family, it's harder for me to give you advice simply because I don't know the degree to which your brother is exercising. I think that gym bros can absolutely take it to an unhealthy extreme and get absorbed in damaging fad diets and stuff like that, but since I don't know what your brother is doing, I cannot verify that that's the case. Whether or not his exercise is unhealthy, I can offer you this recovery advice: you can only control your own recovery journey in the end. You do someone else's recovery, especially if they are not looking to change anything. So perhaps you could ask your brother and family members not to discuss his gym stuff/diets with you? Frame it as a way to protect yourself, because it is causing you so much concern and stress.

If you find yourself getting triggered to the point of being aggressive, it is always okay to ask for a break in the conversation. Taking a step back can help you regulate and find a coping strategy to get into a calmer frame of mind, where it will be easier to think of a next move. "Can I get back to you in a bit? I need to think about that a little more," is an okay thing to say.

No need to apologize for the long ask, I hope you are able to heal and make these things a part of your learning/growth journey!