#also zane ;) if ur reading this ;) this is the thing i posted a long time ago on vent and have been working on it for like a month cause i

[shatterthehearts]

listen i really think this meme suits them

[fanficimagery]

Ba-by Vlog doo doo, doo doo doo doo

Summary: Imagine being part of the inner circle of friends that's known as the Vlog Squad. You've known Zane the longest, but his friends became yours instantly when introduced. You've been there for them through all their ups and downs, so you're not exactly surprised when they insert themselves into this next chapter of your life.

Words: 4.7K Warnings: Language.

For the passed few weeks you've felt like utter crap. You've had no energy, you were constantly nauseous, and the small bean growing in your womb caused a big fight with your boyfriend of three years that ended with him walking out on you.

Your friends have been calling and coming over to check on you, but you weren't in the mood to hang out, especially while they filmed their bits because it usually involved something outrageous and you didn't want to chance being hurt.

But apparently, Zane has had enough of your excuses.

[unlock ur door. omw.]

You had sighed at his text, but did as you were told. Then falling back on the couch, you awaited his arrival.

Fifteen minutes later, your front door is being opened.

"Baby," Zane groans. "What is you doing? It's three in the afternoon, you're still in pajamas, and you look like death."

You smile weakly at him. "Love you too, bitch. And I'm tired. I haven't been feeling well."

"Well get up and get showered. We're having a kick-back at David's and everyone misses you."

"I don't know, Zane. I honestly don't feel so good."

"It's because you've been cooped up alone all week. Now come on!" He steps around your couch and grabs your hands, he then yanking you into a standing position.

The moment you get your bearings and inhale deeply, you get a whiff of something that upsets your stomach. Gulping down the sudden rush of saliva in your mouth, you lean back with a grimace. "Zane, is that- why do you smell like bacon?"

"Because I got hungry. Duh."

"No, Zane," you say, stepping away from him and covering your mouth and nose with your hand. "I can't- back away. "

You cough and gag, and turn to rush out of the room. You've barely made it to the bathroom, falling to your knees and throwing open the lid to the toilet before barfing your guts out. You stay there until you're done vomiting, only to flush the toilet and fall back on your butt.

Zane is standing in the doorway, expression curious. "Y/N, what's going on?"

Shakily wiping your mouth with the back of your hand, your eyes tear up as you meet Zane's gaze. "I-I'm pregnant."

A beat passes and then the most brilliant smile takes over his expression. "Oh my god! My baby is having a baby!?" Weakly grinning, you nod and then stand to rinse your mouth out at the sink. After doing so, Zane pulls you into a careful hug. "Is that why you haven't been hanging with us?"

"Yeah. Well that and the fact that Dillion split after hearing the news. Apparently having a baby was too much for him."

Zane tenses and when you pull back to look at his expression your heart softens towards your friend. "I'm going to kill him."

You huff. "No you're not. He's long gone by now. Probably went back home to his mother in Texas."

"I can't believe that asshole!"

"What's done is done. Let it go."

"The others are going to be pissed, Y/N. I can't believe you kept all this bottled up."

"Let me tell them," you say. "The pregnancy has to be kept under wraps until after the first trimester is over, but the news about Dillion.."

"Yeah. Okay." Zane glances around and then, "Why wait until after the first trimester? How long is a trimester?"

"I'm a bit superstitious," you shrug, smiling sheepishly. "The first three months of a pregnancy are crucial. This is the time where chances of a miscarriage happening are at its highest. I don't want to tell everyone I'm pregnant and then something happens, and then everyone is walking on eggshells around me."

Zane hums. "I get that. But three months? I'm gonna die keeping this secret!"

"Shut up." You playfully swat at him, but then quickly backpedal when you get a whiff of bacon again. "Jesus. I've only known about the peanut for three weeks and he's already turned me against bacon. I really hope he or she doesn't make me eat weird shit."

"I don't know about you, but I'm excited to see you hormonal and crying at every little thing."

"Fuck my life," you groan. "This is gonna be a tough three months. Our friends are gonna be suspicious as fuck."

"Yeah they are. Now go get dressed and drive your ass to David's. I would drive you, but I don't want you barfing in my car."

"And if I barf at David's?"

Zane shrugs. "Food poisoning? If they ask about your absence, just admit to the breakup and make up an excuse about not processing it as quickly as you thought."

"You know what? That's actually not a bad idea."

"Obviously."

"Don't gloat. Now get going. I'll be there in half an hour."

"You better or I'm gonna stir the pot and convince the boys to fly out to Texas to confront Dillion."

"God you suck. Go. I'll be there."

The first three months pass fairly easily. The morning and afternoon sickness is easily remedied by your doctor, and now the sonogram picture weighs heavily in your hoodie pocket.

Zane has been a good friend through it all, he helping you keep the secret while keeping your friends all focused on what a dillhole your ex had been. But now it's time to come clean and you're on your way to pick up Zane who had asked beforehand if he could document your pregnancy.

As Zane settles in the passenger seat, he mounts his camera to the dashboard. "Are you ready for this?" He asks.

"Not really, but I'm tired of making excuses for not drinking and sleeping all the time."

"Alright, so just like we planned." He turns the camera on and after giving you a reassuring nod, you paste on a smile before both of you look towards the camera lens. "Hey guys, Zane here and today's video is going to be a little different. As you can see, Y/N is here with me and I'm sure you've all been wondering where she's been since she hasn't been in anyone's vlogs."

You wave at the camera. "Hey guys. Sorry for going awol on you, but I'm back and I've got some news to share."

You grin over at Zane and he practically beams towards the camera. "We're pregnant, bitches!"

You snort and swat at him. "I'm pregnant. Zane's just super excited and has been a great help these past few months."

"Girl, whatever. That baby is gonna be calling me daddy. Just you wait and see."

"God I hope not."

"Uh," he scoffs. "Rude!"

"Shut up. You still love me." He hums and you take over explaining the next bit. "Anyway, today's the day I'm finally telling my friends, but we're only going to record the ones I think we'll get a reaction out of."

"Josh Peck, obviously," Zane muses. "Then David, Natalie, and Jason."

"Carly and Erin."

"You also wanted to record Kristen, but she, Scott, and Todd are still on tour."

"I know." You pout. "I'll tell everyone else, but I'm not sure they'll be as excited and I don't want to record them and have it be awkward."

Zane laughs. "I can just picture Ilya blinking and not knowing what to say."

"Right?!"

The two of you laugh and then taking a moment to calm down, you say, "So yeah. That's what we're doing today."

"Oh! Show them the sonogram."

"Oh yeah." Pulling the picture from your pocket, you hold it up to the camera and Zane helps you so the camera can focus on the image. "That right there is the little peanut. I seriously can't wait until I can find out the gender. Zane wants me to do a gender reveal party, but I don't know."

"Uh.. were doing it, baby. No ifs, ands, or buts about it."

"I swear it's like he's the pregnant one sometimes."

"Mhm. So, viewers, sit back and relax, and let's get to telling people we're having a baby!"

"Oh my god. You're too much."

Instead of turning the camera off, Zane lets it continue to record with promises to chop down the footage when in edit.

Then as you're driving over to meet Josh at the hotel he's currently staying in while he's in town for a few photoshoots, Zane gets you talking to the viewers about your current situation and why he's taken it upon himself to help you out. You end up crying when talking about your break-up, but Zane cracks a few jokes that soon have you laughing.

At Josh's hotel, you grab one of the gift bags from the trunk of your car and Zane leads the way up to Josh's room. Once there, immediately seeing the camera, Josh's eyes narrow.

"What's going on?"

You and Zane laugh. "Nothing. I got you a present just because and Zane wanted your reaction."

"Uh huh. I'm not gonna open it and be attacked by bees, am I?"

"No."

"Okay. Good." Josh leads you towards the couch and you take a seat next to him while Zane sits across the two of you. "So what's the occasion?"

You shrug and hand over the bag, but before josh can open it, you say, "All of you guys have supported me while I've been going through this post-breakup funk and I just.."

"Just open the goddamn present!" Zane urges.

You snort and in retaliation Josh sluggishly pulls the ribbon off the bag handles. When Zane makes a noise of aggravation, Josh laughs and then pulls out the tissue paper. He reaches for what's inside and he's barely fully opened it before a beaming smile blossoms. "No!"

"Yes," you laugh, tears already filling your eyes.

"Really?" He asks, then reads the personalized indie aloud, "Plot Twist! Coming January 2020."

"Oh my god. Congratulations!" Josh hugs you, clearly excited. He gets even more excited when Zane hands over a sonogram. "Look at the little peanut!" He coos. "How far along are you?"

"First trimester is officially over," you say.

"Yeah? Who else knows?"

"Well besides baby's deadbeat dad, I was the first," Zane says. "And you're second."

Josh's smile falters, his gaze subtly darting to the camera before settling back on you. "It's okay to ask. Zane's documenting the good, the bad, and the ugly."

He takes a moment to gather his thoughts. "So I'm guessing Dillion didn't take the news well?"

"You'd be correct. We were having problems before I found out the news, but a surprise pregnancy really wasn't in any of his future plans."

"I'm so sorry."

"It's fine," you assure Josh, wiping tears from your eyes. "He took some time to think about what he wanted to do and baby Y/L/N will be solely mine when he or she is born. Dillion plans to sign away all his rights."

"Oh man." Josh reaches in for another hug and you sniffle into his shoulder. "Whatever you need, just let me know. I'll help you out as much as I can."

"You really don't have to, but I appreciate the thought."

Zane turns the camera off, setting it aside. "Okay so that's one friend down," he muses. "Who's next?"

"I don't know. Lets see who's available?" You bring forth your phone and immediately start texting your friends, side-eying Josh who keeps smiling at the onesie in his lap. You receive a few texts back, grinning. "So Carly and Erin are at David's. Looks like I can kill four birds with one stone."

You then bid Josh farewell, promising to keep him updated with your pregnancy and to call should you need anything. You let Zane take over the driving and end up at David's in no time. But instead of heading inside, Natalie waves you over towards the Tesla where they're getting ready to leave. So after grabbing four gift bags from the trunk of your car, you head on over while Zane rearranges everyone in the Tesla. Carly and Erin are moved into the back seats, Natalie is seated with you in the middle, and Zane sits in the passenger seat while David drives.

"Okay so what's the big deal?" Erin immediately asks as Zane films everyone present.

"Just hold on a few more seconds," you say while passing out the gifts. "You all have to open them at the same time. Well not David because he's driving, but I'm sure he'll know soon enough."

"Enough chatting and open the gifts!" Zane says.

The girls all laugh at his anxiousness, but they open the gifts nonetheless. You see when they pull out the onesies and unfold them, grinning as you see Natalie read hers and it takes a moment for it to click: And so the adventure begins. January 2020.

"Shut the fuck up!" Erin screeches from the back seat. "You're pregnant!?"

"What?!" David's head snaps in your direction as Zane cackles, but then he quickly stares back towards the road. Instead, he looks to Zane. "I'm gonna be an uncle?"

"Is this a joke?" Carly asks

"Nope. The eggo is preggo." You pull out the sonogram and pass it around. "I'm now four months along."

"Look at Natalie," Zane laughs. "She's crying!"

"You better stop those tears right now!" David jokes, glancing at his best friend-turned-assistant. "You're gonna make the pregnant lady cry!"

"Too late."

"I'm sorry!" She laughs, wiping her tears. "It's just- you're pregnant." Natalie beams, her excitement shining through her eyes. "We're gonna have a baby!"

"Uh excuse you," Zane scoffs. "You are not having a baby. We're having a baby," he says while gesturing between himself and yourself.

"Wait, what?" Carly exclaims and you sigh.

"You really need to stop telling people that you're my baby's father." Without even having to look around, you know your friends are curious about who the baby daddy really is. "This pregnancy is why Dillion and I broke up. He intends to sign away his rights."

"Oh fuck him," Erin immediately huffs.

You crack a smile and let Natalie grab your hand to squeeze. "Hey. Whatever you need, all you have to do is ask. We're here for you."

"Yeah," David says. "That kid of ours is gonna be spoiled as fuck."

The entire car laughs and you flash them a smile. "Thanks, guys."

The camera gets turned off and Zane turns around in his seat. "Okay so where are we going because our last surprise for the day is Jason."

"Uhh, nowhere in particular," David says. "I just wanted to drive."

"Well drive on back to your house because we need to get Jason's gift and take it to him."

"Oohh. What did Jason get? Or did we all get the same thing?"

"No. Josh got a onesie that said plot twist and the due date beneath it. You guys got the adventure onesies, Jeff got a shirt for Nerf that proclaims Nerf the cool older cousin."

"Aww!"

"Todd, Scott, and Ilya got bottles of Vodka, but the label on them says do not open until I am born. January 2020."

"And Jason?" David wonders.

"Jason got the most heartfelt gift," Zane chuckles. "Even I teared up when Y/N showed me."

"It's because I actually do have a father/daughter relationship with him. I know it started off as a joke, but it actually cemented into a familial bond. So I framed a sonogram in a picture frame that says hello, grandpa on top and I can't wait to meet you on the bottom."

"Dude," David says. "He's gonna cry."

"Counting on it."

SIX MONTHS PREGNANT

Walking into David's house, you can't help but smile at the all the pink and blue. It's the day of your baby's gender reveal, Natalie having set it all up since she was the one entrusted with the envelope from the doctor.

Out back there's a chalkboard where everyone's writing their names under whether they think the baby is a girl or boy, pink and blue cupcakes, pink and blue candy, and pink and blue balloons.

Everyone's dressed in white and the way the whole reveal is going down is that everyone will split into two groups and stand on either side of you. Then armed with confetti cannons, they're going to pop them so that the colored confetti arches over you. All the while, David and Zane are going to be recording and taking pictures.

"Wow. You've gotten fat." The words surprise you, however, the person they come from doesn't. Jonah.

"I'm pregnant. What's your excuse?" Those within hearing distance snort and laugh, and you grin at your friend. "Don't fuck with me, Jonah. My hormones are up and down, and my comebacks are meaner."

"Yeah, yeah. Don't mess with preggers. I got it."

You shake your head in amusement as he walks off, one hand resting on your hip and the other absentmindedly rubbing your stomach.

"Wow. You've really popped." Jeff joins you then, expression soft as he gently hugs you in greeting. Out of everyone, he was the one to surprise you the most. He had taken it upon himself to change your diet after finding out you were pregnant, and even got you exercising to keep you and baby as healthy as can be. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm good," you tell him. "I'm really excited to find out whether I'm having a son or daughter."

"Do you have a preference?"

"Nah. As cliché as it sounds, I'll just be stoked as long as he or she is healthy."

Jeff grins. "Nerf's little cousin is going to be perfect. Just you watch." Your baby kicking startles you and makes you wince, and you rub the spot you felt it at. Jeff continues to watch you. "You know, I never understood why people are obsessed with touching someone's pregnancy belly, but now I think I understand."

You chuckle at him. "Do you wanna feel? Baby is kicking right now."

He glances at you in surprise before slowly nodding. Then taking his hand, you press it to where the baby is more active and watch his facial expression showcase his awe. "That's freakin' crazy, man."

"Try being the one experiencing it. The first time I felt the kick, I started crying. Not because I was happy, but because it freaked me the fuck out. Jason had to console me." You laugh as you remember calling Jason to ask him if what you felt was normal. He obviously wasn't a woman, but he was married before and experienced everything with his now ex-wife.

"Hey! If Jeff gets to rub the belly, so do I!" Heath marches up, swatting Jeff aside and placing his hand where Jeff had his. Seconds pass and his eyes widen. "Holy shit!"

"I know."

"Alright, bitches, gather 'round!" Zane shouts, recording. Next to him, David follows with his own camera. "If you haven't written down your name under whether you think the baby is a girl or boy, do so now. David's decided to make things interesting."

"Yes because finding out the gender of my baby wasn't interesting enough," you deadpan.

"Shut up. Yes it is," Natalie says, coming up beside you and shoving Heath away from your stomach.

"So the way things are going down," David starts, "is that whoever guesses the right gender wins a thousand dollars."

Your friends cheer, with the exception of Natalie who can't play because she already knows what you're having, and after the hype has gone down it's time.

Standing out in the middle of the back yard, you wait patiently as your friends split up. Heath, Mariah, Natalie, Corrina, Josh, Jason, and Matt stand on your left while Scott, Kristen, Carly, Erin, Todd, Jeff, Jonah, and Ilya stand to your right. Everyone anxiously waits with their cannon in hand, and then Zane and David count down.

"Three.. Two.. One!"

The cannons pop.. and pink confetti rains down.

There's screaming and shouting, and tears immediately fill your eyes as you laugh joyously. Erin, Matt, Todd, Josh, Jason, and Jonah are more excited than the others- they being the ones who had guessed you were having a girl.

"Baby, you is having a baby girl. How are you feeling?" Zane asks, camera in your face.

"Like I'm gonna barf," you laugh. "Holy shit. I'm having a girl!"

NINE MONTHS PREGNANT

For the last hour and a half, you've been washing and folding baby clothing for the umpteenth time, and repacking your hospital bag. Lately you've been in the nesting stage and your friends found it rather hilarious.

Just after you've placed the hospital bag atop the changing table and have taken a seat in the rocking chair, a rather intense cramp causes you to lightly groan and cradle your stomach. You've been cramping since early morning, but you're still two weeks away from your due date so you think nothing of it.

Natalie soon enters the room, smoothies in hand. "Let me guess," she says, "you've been washing again."

You grin tiredly. "I feel so restless," you tell her, accepting your banana drink. "Thank you."

"No problem." Natalie then takes a seat on the floor, her back against the open door as she glances around the nursery. Each piece of nursery furniture was purchased by your friends and assembled by a professional. David, as a present afterward, got a mural of the entire gang painted on the wall and peering down into the crib. Half the group thought it was creepily hilarious, but you found it rather endearing. "So what's on the agenda tonight?"

Still rubbing your stomach, you hide your grimace behind the smoothie cup. "I, uh, I actually think I need to go to the hospital."

Natalie's head whips in your direction. "What?"

"I've been cramping all morning and thought they were Braxton Hicks," you admit. "But they've only gotten more painful and closer together."

"Holy shit, Y/N. Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because if you freak out, I'm gonna freak out. So stop freaking out!"

"O-okay!" Natalie quickly stands, taking a moment to center herself. "Has your water broken?"

"No." Your voice wobbles, but you quickly gulp down the knot forming in your throat. "Am I- do you thinking I'm overreacting?"

"Nope. But whether these contractions are the real deal or not, I rather have the nurses look you over and decide themselves."

"Agreed."

"Yeah. Okay. I'll just- I'll grab the bag." Natalie walks over to the changing table and shoulders the bag's strap. She then walks over to you and helps you out of the rocking chair. "I'll drive and you make the phone calls to everyone."

You hiss in pain. "Sounds like a plan."

          - X - X - X - X - X -

Waddling back and forth in your hospital room, you mentally curse your option to not have an epidural. Natalie has been a trooper, calling and texting your friends to let them know this was the real deal. You can't have too many people in your room before the actual labor takes place, so everyone plans to visit for a few minutes and then rotate with the others. For the birth, though, Natalie and Zane were staying.

"Knock! Knock!" The door opens and in walks David, Jeff, Zane, and Jason.

"Oh fuck you and your dumbass smile." The boys all laugh and Natalie hides her smile behind her phone. After all, she's been the sole target of your mean remarks since you've been admitted so she's just happy to see someone else targeted. "God I hope your daughter doesn't inherit your meanness."

"I'm so sorry," you tearfully apologize to David. "But if I hear your laugh one more time, I'm gonna punch you in the face."

"Aw baby," Zane coos. "Have they given you anything for the pain?"

"She decided against the epidural," Natalie advises them.

"Wait, what?" Jason asks. "Seriously?"

"I heard stories," you mumble. "The cons outweighed the pros, so I told the doctor I didn't want it."

"God you're brave," Jeff huffs. "I've heard horror stories."

"Not. Helping," you grit out when yet another contraction hits. Hissing, you stop pacing and bend over the side of the bed. Natalie rushes over and starts to rub the small of your back as you start to cry.

"And that's our cue," David says. "We'll send in the next group. Erin and Mariah are super stoked."

"That's because they're not the ones pushing a baby out of their vagina!"

Zane sticks around, planning to record part of the birth, but also knowing full well that he and Natalie are to stay near your head. You don't plan on having any vagina shots on film or picture.

          - X - X - X - X - X -

Thirteen hours.

Thirteen long excruciating hours and baby Wren Y/L/N has finally entered the world.

Natalie and Zane held your hands throughout the entire birth, letting your insults slide off their backs when their encouraging voices grew aggravating. Natalie took pictures and videos for Instagram when baby Wren was placed on you directly after being pulled out, and Zane excitedly cut the umbilical cord when asked if he wanted to. Baby Wren was then taken away to be cleaned up, weighed, and measured, and your friends gave you some privacy for the after birth and clean-up.

Now your two friends are dozing on and off in some recliners the nurse had wheeled in, and you're curled on your side as you stare at your sleeping baby in her bassinet right next to your bed.

A gentle knock sounds on the door and it opens to David's grinning face. "Can we come in?"

"Yeah." You tiredly wave him in. "Just be quiet."

The rest of the gang enter behind him, pink balloons and teddy bears in hand.

"Oh my god. She's adorable!" David gushes, already filming Wren as she sleeps. "Jesus, Y/N, you're a mom."

"Total MILF," Todd giggles. Kristen rolls her eyes and swats him upside the head. "Ow! What? I was joking."

"Whatever. Keep it in your pants, Toddy. I doubt Y/N is looking to get pregnant anytime soon."

"Try never," you muse. "Giving birth fuckin' sucks."

"But it's totally worth it. Right?" Mariah asks, touching Wren's tiny hand.

"Eh."

"Can we hold her?" Jason asks.

"Yeah. Go ahead. The nurse should be back in, in a few. It's close to her feeding time anyway."

Jason picks Wren up, gently cradling her in his arms. Seconds pass, and David and Jeff start to snicker at Jason's sniffling. "You're already loved so much, you have no idea. Welcome to the Vlog Squad, kid."

Everyone softly laughs and then take turns holding your baby. She grunts and yawns, and sucks on her tiny fist, and she has everyone wrapped around her tiny finger in a matter of minutes. As your own eyes then start to droop, they flutter back open when you feel a weight settling next to you on the bed.

"Hey, David."

"Hey, Y/N. How are you feeling?"

"Like I pushed an eight pound baby out of my vagina and haven't slept in forever."

He chuckles. "Just wait until you're all healed up. You'll look back on this day and say it was all worth it."

"I don't know about that, D. There's still months of Wren waking up every three hours demanding the tit. I don't know how I'm going to handle it."

"You'll figure it out. You always do," David says. "And when you're feeling overwhelmed, call someone. Everyone loves you and Wren, and I'm sure you'll have no issues finding a babysitter."

"Yeah. I guess you're right." Wren lets out a brief cry and you glance over at her, only to be met with Jeff's panic-stricken expression. "Quick! Someone snap a picture."

Your friends all laugh at Jeff, which only upsets Wren even more. She cries louder, but the sudden knock on the door and a nurse walking in causes your friend to sigh in relief. "Feeding time!"

"Alright, losers," you muse, slowly sitting up, "that's your cue to leave. Jeff, hand over Wren."

Jeff walks over and cautiously passes you the baby, he then lingering to brush his thumb over her brow. "She really is something, Y/N. Congratulations."

"Thanks, Jeff." As your friends all walk out with quiet reminders that they'll be back later after you've bonded more with Wren, you stare down at your baby tucked into the crook of your arm. "Well, kid, I would say it looks like it's just you and me, but I'm pretty sure all your aunts and uncles would say otherwise. Grandpa Jason was right. You have no idea just how loved you already are."

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

This is H2o au related so if u don't care for H2o au pls ignore (test post pls ignore)

How do I do a Read more on mobile

Fuck it ur all cursed with knowledge now

bitch is back on pc here’s a read more

I finally figured out the fucking TIMELINE for H2o au

That is the list of planets the black ops squad will be visiting on Serendipity (that's the name of their ship, it's the one they got after they had to scrap the Lorelei). Start: Pandora (obviously. They were all abandoned by Dahl). Then Eden-5 (I wanted a civilian/city based planet and hey it sounds like Gaige lives in, like, a suburb, so.) then Aphrodite (VENUS AMBASSADOR) which is a planet I (hopefully) made up to fit the venus ambassador plot I have going on (they get a politician sentenced to death by posing as him blah blah, long story, amazing song). Pandora again for a fun little climate changing jaunt to push people away. Junpai-7 BECAUSE GEARBOX WON'T STOP MENTIONING IT (also Cutlord Karuu is a vampire pirate queen and you all can fight me on that) where Zane meets Clay :D!! Then Erebus for the Obsidian Black (hynnng) part 1. Gaea for the Hephaestus United, then back to Erebus for Obsidian Black 2: Electric Boogaloo (also titled: Barnabas, you bastard) (also also titled: I cried writing up the concept for this because I hate killing characters).

Also imma just say it, the Eridians are straight bastards in this AU. Crazy scientist bastards. They have a huge god complex (and I mean so does the Obsidian Black Dr. Denman so HEY (BUT I MEAN WHICH CORPORATION DOESNT AY LMAO)) and we all are their 4th grade silver medal science fair project. They're kicking back in their home dimension drinking, idk, martinis or some shit, whatever it is aliens drink to get wasted, and, uh, eating... Croissants. Croissants aren't even like soley rich people food why the fuck did I pick croissants wtf. I should've said, like, lobster. And laughing at us. They are LAUGHING at us right now. Bastards. Stupid, science, God-complex having BASTARDS. See. It's like. When the corporations tested on the humans with THEIR science fair projects, now they have to realize that THEY are now being tested on with God's science fair projects. Fuck you Hyperion eat a bag of dicks. (not you Vaughn, kisses, ur perfect. Also Athena if you're you know. Running Hyperion now. Wait also Gladstone even tho ur dead. Bby ILY. AND TIMTAMS how could I forget the cookie bar).

I'm like bringing myself to tears with how much I love this au so much I just *bigg sniff*. It makes me so happy, I love werewolves and vampires and merfolk and psychics and I can just smash it all together like I'm in 2nd grade with 3 cans of different colored play dough and just this once Mr. Celebirdy can't tell me I'M NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE ART.

Like Troy, I let him inherit the psychic-ness from his dad. So he's like a godtier psychic because it's hysterical and that's it that's my reasoning for every single thing in this au. Meanwhile hiromis over here like 'uh, something bad MIGHT happen in 30 seconds. Wait and find out like the rest of us. Loser." I mean I guess Troy would also do that but not because. He literally doesn't know, just because he is kinda an asshole and would do that. Like can we all agree Typhon randomly being able to find Vaults is Hella sus. Like the fact he was shidding in Jakobs manor and then just got up and walked towards where the Vault would be??? Like. Ya Boi is psychic. Only logical explanation here shut up its the only. Logical explanation I am not taking any other answers.

Hammerlock is a werewolf? Yes because a posh hunter gentleman turning into a big pubby who loves hunting with a hat on is hysterical to me. Double for Aurelia who is EVEN MORE posh and ITS TOTALLY UNBECOMING OF A WOMAN AS RICH AS ME, DARLING. But awoo. What if Aurelia is just the tiny pubby. Like Hammerlock is a big fuckin majestic as hell wolf and Aurelia is like. Tiny fluff ball. Oh my god. Yes. Also Wainwright with his werewolf boyfriend husband because the echo memes are too good.

And zer0 is a dullahan because imagine the fucking hype behind Zer0 FINALLY taking their helmet off for the first time. Everyone is like :D Omg. And it's happening and it's happening and THERE'S LITERALLY NOTHING THERE. Also the fact that Zane 1. Knows Zer0 from past bar experiences and 2. Has had some of his best nights start with just a head. Well it's the perfect recipe for them meeting. Just imagine the chaos that would happen in that single bar.

Also Ember is another merperson because I think that would make the line "marry me. I mean, uh, yes," extremely funny with that context because when else are you gonna find another merperson that escaped the forced psychological chains of Junpai-7. Also she likes fire!!!! It's perfection. She's perfection. I mean what? Huh?

Also I really like Tannis so of course she has a huge part in this AU (hello Megan) as the Lewis-esque character. Tho I might have plans for her in the future :) because Tannis best girl and I would die for her.

[stepdownonhell]

Questions, questions

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? A:I’m fine with my height:) 2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) A: A ferret  3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? A: Grunge/Indie. Or basic white bitch 4: What was your favorite video game growing up? A:Can’t remember  5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: My hawt bf, a certain amazing, gorgeous girl that’s my cute lil rabbit ♥, and my future. 6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? A: “Warning asshole” 7: What is your opinion on Trump]? A: Kill it.  8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] A: Sometimes Sanguine (Rarely tho lmao. working on it sh) But Phlegmatic mostly.  9: Are you ticklish? A: Uhhhh..no? 10: Are you allergic to anything? A: Cute rats. sad.

11: What’s your sexuality? A: Pansexual (save the pan jokes) 12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? A: Coffee  13: Are you a cat or dog person? A: Dog 14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? A: A very tall elf. 15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? A: Zane Hijazi 16: How tall are you? A: 5′10 17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? A: Octavia 18: How much do you weigh? A: Too much. 19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? A: Yes 20: Do you like space or the ocean more? A: Space. 21: Are you religious? A: Religion? What’s that? 22: Pet peeves? A: Everything a human can do with their nails. flick flick  23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal? A: Who doesn’t wanna be a vampire? 24: Favorite constellation? A: Aquarius  25: Favorite star?  A: Sirius 26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? A: No 27: Any phobias or fears? A: Spiders 28: Do you think global warming is real? A: Maybe? 29: Do you believe in reincarnation? A: Depends 30: Favorite movie? A: Love, Simon 31: Do you get scared easily? A: Naaah 32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? A: 15 33: Who do you hate most? A: Um, trump and a certain some one. 34: What is a color that calms you? A: Yellow 35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? A: I would like to travel to the UK(And live there but..) I would wanna live in Cali.  36: Where were you born? A: A very cold place. 37: What is your eye color? A: Dark brown 38: Introvert or extrovert? A: Introvert. Why do you think I’m on tumblr? 39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? A: Yeah boy. 40: Hugs or kisses? A: Um neither, gross. 41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? A: My love 42: Who is someone you love deeply? A: My sweet boi 43: Any piercings you want? A: My septum plz. I need her back in my life 44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? A: Yes 45: Do you smoke or have you ever done so? A: I don’t smoke, but I have ew. 46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! A: I gots a mans honey 47: What is a sound you really hate? A: NAIL FLICKING 48: A sound you really love? A: My mans voice ;) 49: Can you do a backflip? A: no but how rad would that be? 50: Can you do the splits? A: ^ 51: Favorite actor and/or actress? A: Idkkk 52: Favorite movie? A: You asked me this already 53: How are you feeling right now? A: Nostalgic  54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? A: Blue 55: When did you feel happiest? A: When I went to Florida. 56: Something that calms you down? A: Talking  57: Have any mental disorders? A: Um 58: What does your URL mean? A: That’s a secret ;) 59: What three words describe you the most? A: Nostalgic, Lonely, unproductive.  60: Do you believe in evolution? A: Yes 61: What makes you unfollow a blog? A: If they’re a douche 62: What makes you follow a blog? A: If they’re rad 63: Favorite kind of person: The nice kind. Only in stores. 64: Favorite animal(s): Rats :) N snakes 65: Name three of your favorite blogs. I follow noone;) 66: Favorite emoticon: Emojis r gross 67: Favorite meme: Whats a me me  68: What is your MBTI personality type? A: Whut 69: What is your star sign? A: Sagittarius  70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? A: Yes 71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? A: Red and white adorable, soft ass crop top, with my black skinnies. 72: Post a selfie or two? A: Neither  73: Do you have platform shoes? A: Wishing 74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? A: I wanted to be a ballet dancer or a scientist.   75: Can you do a front flip? A: No 76: Do you like birds? A: Yes 77: Do you like to swim? A: ofc 78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? A: Swimming 79: Something you wish didn’t exist: Anti lgbt + trump 80: Some thing you wish did exist: Teleportation my dear 81: Piercings you have? A: First+second lobe, nose. 82: Something you really enjoy doing: Makeup 83: Favorite person to talk to: My boiii 84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? A: gey  85: How many followers do you have? A: 0 86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? A: 10:01 87: Do your socks always match? A: Not a chance 88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? A: Nope 89: What are your birthstones? A: Tealllll? 90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? A: a birb 91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? A: A white rose 92: A store you hate? A:  Hyvee? 93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? A: 6 lmao  94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? A: read minds 95: Do you like to wear camo? A: Depends 96: Winter or summer? A: Summer 97: How long can you hold your breath for? A: 57 seconds 98: Least favorite person? A: a certain person 99: Someone you look up to: My boiii 100: A store you love? A: Spencers 101: Favorite type of shoes A: Converse 102: Where do you live? A: not ur biz 103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? A: No 104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? A: Um idk 105: Do you drink milk? A: No i think it’s gross 106: Do you like bugs? A: no 107: Do you like spiders? A: do u even have to ask? n O 108: Something you get paranoid about? A: Everything 109: Can you draw: No lol 110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? A: do yOU PLAY BASKETBALL??????????? 111: A question you hate being asked? A: ^ 112: Ever been bitten by a spider? A: probably 113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? A: yes 114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? A: Cloudy  115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: the boi :( 116: Favorite cloud type:  Arcus cloud 117: What color do you wish the sky was?  A: Yellow 118: Do you have freckles? A: I wish 119: Favorite thing about a person: Smile or humor 120: Fruits or vegetables? A: Fruits 121: Something you want to do right now: dieieieeie 122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? A: Both are endless  123: Sweet or sour foods? A: Sour 124: Bright or dim lights? A: Dim 125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? A: No 126: Something you hate about Tumblr: The “I think murders are cute” Side. 127: Something you love about Tumblr: Pretty photos  128: What do you think about the least? A: Responsibilities ;))  129: What would you want written on your tombstone? A: “Dance on me”  130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? A: A lot of people 131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? A: My face 132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? A: Maybe 133: Computer or TV? A: Comp. 134: Do you like roller coasters? A: YEEES

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? A: Motion sickness sometimes :((

136: Are your ears lobed or attached? A: Lobed 137: Do you believe in karma? A: A little 138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? A: 3 139: What nicknames do you have/have had? A: Princess, hoe, rikku 140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? A: When I was younger I thought Danny phantom was my bf.  141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? A: Never 142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? a: Bad.woops 143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts? A: Giving  144: What makes you angry? A: Homophobs  145: How many languages do you speak fluently? A: 2 Engrish n jibberish 146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? A: All of the beautiful people ♥ 147: Are you androgynous? A: Too much so 148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: My brows n hair 149: Favorite thing about your personality: Too tough to answer  150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. A: My love, A rabbit n Hobo Johnson.  151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? A: Stone age my dudes 152: Do you like BuzzFeed? A: Ew no 153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? A: A game 

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? A: umno

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? A: Yea 156: What embarrasses you? A: My mother 157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: Too many peoples 158: Biggest lie you have ever told: Lets not bring that up 159: How many people are you following? A: Dunno 160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? A: Like 2 161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? A: none 162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? a: nONE 163: Last time you cried and why: A few days ago for reasons  164: Do you have long or short hair? A: Shoulder length 165: Longest your hair has ever been: To the bum 166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? A: Because religion scares people into thinking if they do something bad, they’ll go to an imaginary place called hell. If your God loved you so much he would never do such a thing ;/// + Many other reasons 167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? A: I really do 168: Do you like to wear makeup? A: too much 169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? A: No 170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? A: Yuh