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1eoness · 7 months ago

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BROOO u were literally probably the first author whose fic i read when i first searched up leon smuts last year 😭 ur works r so good n idk if u'll see this but it's nice to hear abt ur perspective, i feel like fics abt leon these days r so fucked up and scary, it reminds me of when i first read a fic of yours and it was nothing but normal and hot? i just mean it's like, what fanfiction should be, how smuts should be, just p in v and stuff without all that crazy shit, it sucks to see writers these days waste their talent on writing dead dove fics that are so horrendous that it really affected me mentally

helloo!! (im not dead mueheaheah)

WARNING : Mentions of dead dove content and the likes of its themes!

before i talk : [HIIIIII HEHAHEH thank you for your support!! i'm glad you liked my (very subpar) work! now that i look back on it those themes did enter a somewhat gray line at some point because i lacked a lot of experience in writing. i do not condone ever letting your professor have sex with you nor do i promote any kind of hate-motivated sex, or dubcon! it was merely a bold attempt of expressing hormones (if you know 😭) like a lot of people my age commonly do and so i had (and still have to) reedit the tropes in my work a bit, also because i turned 18 now and i wanna readjust my boundaries! i hope you dont mind. regardless, i love that you like those themes. very good! love you!! /p]

anyway, leaning more towards the topic at hand. i don't doubt that your opinion is much different than a large part of the community under this tag. which is a very, very good thing! i'm pretty sure it was ever since @/gilfhub's posts started to quickly rise in the top pages that lead a lot of users to be influenced and begin to tear down a very, very important boundary. i'm very sorry to hear that being exposed to that affected you mentally, that's the entire reason why i absolutely abhor blogs that post and enable that content. you're not alone on that either <3 and i agree! people should ALWAYS write boundaries in mind. i've lurked around the tag a lot and noticed a lot of "popular" writers who also have an alternative blog for dark content (this isn't just a specific account, there are a lot of these.) warnings don't make things better, they don't fend witnesses away, and it doesn't make you any less insensitive. "dead dove content" itself (which is really just incestual/horribly taboo sexual assault fantasies, no need to sanitize it) should always be suppressed and private (or, well, NOT WRITTEN AT ALL). the moment you put it up on any kind of digital page, you are attracting ANY kind of viewer and none of that shit is cute, i'm sorry. projecting your trauma onto a character is one thing but writing them as someone who skips the morality line is just straight up trying to exercise your power through the wrong means. just as much as you have the power to express yourself, you also have the power to make someone very uncomfortable. people don't think about these situations in the long run, that's why. they seem to really like using the "leon is just a character, i promise he won't care" argument which i also think is total bullshit cause this isn't even about leon, it just entirely reflects what your true values really are. they centralize around the need to express yourself at the expense of other people's comfort (because, for the nth time, it's a public space with an unpredictable demographic yet people seem to really like just doing the "bare minimum" on their part). whilst your perception of a traumatic experience may be valid, it doesn't give you any excuse. this is far from the idea of free individualistic expression, it is just as bad as some 4channer posting about wanting similar situations be inflicted onto them with even real, sentient people. because we all know why these themes allow themselves to be exposed to the audience and that's because it tries to appeal to a very specific group of people (which is very disgusting.) they want to be so condescending, too. like "oh grow up, i'm all under ur skin and for what." it's blatant ignorance, you're not very smart!

and finally as ironic as it is, porn is to blame for enabling a lot of similar themes. it's so obvious, too, a lot of fictions like the ones you mentioned that are dead dove always have to mention pornography titles in it. (honestly doesn't have to be dead dove either). sanitization can be done in MANY ways, and a lot of the times I notice it's through the way of romanticizing or aestheticizing it. I'm talking about those who put up mini pinterest-board headers of like three whatevercore images and then putting lyrics at the bottom of it. it's like an attempt at writing a very bad fucking movie not gonna lie. for example, they end up trying to decorate their post with elements that fall under anything curated aesthetic. and guess what? we've all been there but NOT for writing about uncle!character and their kid reader thats just flat out WEIRD. trust me you are NOT anais nin, you do not have to write lyrical prose and try to beautify something that will always be ugly and demented to its very core. you cannot call dead dove content "artistic vents", either. i also think i can understand that some people are victims who have failed to get help thus they try to cope through other means. but i will never applause someone for making the right choices. i think there's no excuse behind writing dead dove content other than to self mutilate your mental health in the long run for a temporary moment of "safe fun", and not even knowing that it is also in/directly harming the public eye.

it's rotten. it's disgusting. dead dove writers should not be welcomed in any fictional writing space. i've been triggered over and over again and it made me put off writing and reading for a very long time. i've experienced something similar before and i have gone crazy over it, and trust me, the things these people write so "generously" for their viewers are NOTHING but toxic waste.

tumblr is NOT your space, but everyone has a space in tumblr, so be conscious of yours.

i also encourage people to not stay silent on the matters if they want to speak up on it but are afraid of getting backlash. i've seen people delete their accounts over it (which, i guess is good on them since then they won't have to confront this kind of space anymore).

#leon kennedy smut #ivy responding #loen s kennededyyy!!!!

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hagatha-christie · 10 months ago

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new year new reads and also i'm now consciously trying to read a book from every country plus places like Hawaii and Puerto Rico and Greenland that should be their own countries. Anyway here's what I read in January:

I've been pretty brutal about not wasting my time reading books I'm not into so hopefully I won't have any books that fall into the "bad" category this year. Also I did read 2 embarrassing romances and tbh i'm gonna keep those a lil secret because I dont really recommend either of them

The okay You Are Here by Thich Nhat Hanh (Vietnam): I think it's good for its intended audience and it reinforced some of the stuff I've been discussing in therapy but I found it very repetitive and kind of surface level when it came to actual Buddhist philosophy. Like I wanted to know a little more than what he wrote.

A Fortune for Your Disaster by Hanif Abdurraqib: I am obsessed with his prose but unfortunately I do not think his poetry is for me! I read his other collection last year and felt similarly. I think in the future I'll maybe skip any other poetry collections that come out.

The good/great (this is always in ascending order, I feel like I need to specify that)

Binti by Nnedi Okorafor: She did a pretty good job of worldbuilding in the like 90 pages of this book, and it's part of a series so I'm really curious to continue it and read more books in this African-futurism genre. Took a minute to get used to the YA narration (is this YA? I don't know)

Swimming in the Dark by Tomasz Jedrowski (Poland): This was a little sad and a little sweet, and I liked it very much but wish I would've read in the summer because it really would've hit. More vibes than plot but still enjoyed it.

Monstrilio by Gerardo Samano Cordova (Mexico): Finally a book that was as weird as I wanted it to be! Loved the 4 POVs we got, loved how messy the characters were, loved the ending. Would recommend despite one plot point that I found so disturbing I had to put it down (the book wasn't that graphic I just let my mind run a lil wild and scared myself).

Martyr! by Kaveh Akbar: as good as everyone says. Read it.

Brickmakers by Selva Almada (Argentina): I started this book a couple months ago and had to put it down because it was soooo jarring and I wasn't prepared, which I think makes the book so effective given the themes criticizing machismo culture. It's crass and gross and really blunt but omg I have not been able to stop thinking about it, or about the final line of the book since I read it.

#reading

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onecanonlife · 3 years ago

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In which Tommy travels back in time and tries to prevent a nightmare from happening to everyone he knows. Everyone else, meanwhile, is highly concerned.

(fic masterpost w/ ao3 links)

(first part) (previous part) (next part)

(word count: 4,152)

--------------------

Part Seven: Ranboo

Page 1

I’m not really sure how to start this.

One of the most important things to know is probably that this is a different journal from the other one. So just in case you forget: this isn’t your memory book. This is for something different. But it’s still really important that you keep track of this one. Maybe not as important as the memory book? But I’m not really sure.

So don’t lose it.

Now’s the part where I’d say exactly what it’s for, except I don’t really know yet. I don’t know anything. You’d think that wasn’t anything new for me, but this is… different. I keep putting that it’s different without explaining why. Words are just not my friends.

I think I’m wasting ink.

This is a dream journal, I guess? I don’t know how else to put it. Because I’ve been having some really, really weird dreams for the past few weeks, and it’s gotten to the point where I just. Feel like I need to be keeping track of them? Because it’s kind of weird that I’m having so many dreams at all considering what usually happens when I fall asleep (check the memory book? for that? if you need to?), so I just don’t know. I don’t know anything. Which is nothing new, but still. I feel kind of bad that I bought a whole book and a whole new pen just to write down how much I don’t know stuff, but it’s okay. I’ve been winning more recently so I had enough money.

The thing about the dreams is that they’re really vivid. Almost like they feel real. The details always go fuzzy after a while, so I don’t actually have anything specific to write down here yet, but I know they’re weird. There’s just something about them.

So, new book. Dream journal.

Next time you have one of them, remember to write it down here.

---

Page 2

Okay so I forgot I bought this for like a week but I remember now. And I just woke up and I had one of those really weird dreams, so here’s what it was about:

There were some people with me. I don’t remember what their faces looked like. I think they were all shorter than me, but that doesn’t really narrow it down. There were… three? Maybe? I think there were three of them. And I felt like I knew them. Dream-me knew them, I mean. I have no idea who they were.

They were talking about something, and I was talking too, like I knew what they were talking about, even though I definitely didn’t. That’s something weird about all these dreams—I’m pretty sure that while I’m in them, it always feels? Right, I guess? Even though I definitely don’t know what’s going on literally ever?? But anyway they were talking about something, and I don’t really remember what but they seemed upset. I think I was upset too. I felt kind of upset.

They had swords. Really fancy ones.

It was cold??? But like really, really cold. Colder than I think I’ve ever been? Or at least colder than I remember ever being, so it’s kind of weird that my brain could make up something that cold.

There’s not much else to write because I don’t remember what the conversation was about. It just felt like there was something bad happening. But I don’t feel like the people were bad. The people felt good, actually. Safe?

Oh, and one of them hugged me at the end. Which was weird because I don’t usually like to be hugged or touched by people, especially people who I don’t know, but in the dream I was fine with it. I even liked it. It felt… safe’s a good word to use. It felt warm and safe and I didn’t feel so scared anymore. It was a really good hug actually. I kind of wish it weren’t a dream because if someone hugged me like that I think I wouldn’t mind hugging so much.

I think that guy had wings. Or maybe it was a really big, weird blanket. I don’t really know. Felt good though.

---

Page 3

I had another one. All I remember is a name.

Who’s Michael?

---

Page 4

I think tonight was a normal night. I don’t remember anything in particular but I woke up feeling really unsettled for some reason. So it was probably just a regular dream, or maybe a nightmare. I was in the same place though, so not sleepwalking I hope.

I can’t stop thinking about the name Michael. It feels really important. I wish I knew why.

---

Page 7

It’s been a week of weird little fragments and strange feelings and things I can’t remember, but I remembered more when I woke up this morning.

I was running with someone. Two someones? I think there were two. But they were different from the people from before. Or at least I think they were. I still don’t remember what they looked like. I think I didn’t know what they looked like in the dream either. I don’t know if that’s because I was dreaming or maybe all of this really is just my brain making up stuff and it just can’t invent whole people for me to look at.

I wouldn’t be surprised, actually. This whole thing is probably pointless.

But anyway, we were running, and that was pretty much the whole thing. There was a really loud noise too, and it was making my ears hurt. And I remember I felt really scared. Not just for myself, but also for the people I was with. That’s one of the things that makes me not so sure that these are normal dreams, because even if my brain was making up hazy not-real people for me to do stuff with, would it be able to make up the feelings that I have for them? Whenever there’s someone with me in a dream, they always feel really important to me. I’m usually worried about them.

I still can’t remember what they were saying or the sound of their voices. I feel bad about it. Probably worse than I should.

They’re just dreams, right?

---

Page 10

Dream.

---

Page 11

Not sure what that was? Note to self, do a better job at including context.

---

Page 13

A crack in the earth and a break in the code and something old something waiting something watching something that calls in the dark and in the shadows and in the corners and in the mirror and it is waiting it is waiting it is waiting it is waiting it wants it wants it wants blood and it will have blood it wants blood and it will drink and the skies will break apart and the ground will shatter and it will have blood it will have blood it will have blood it will have blood it will have blood it will have blood it will have blood it will have blood it will have blood it will have blood it will have blood it will have blood it will have blood it will have blood it will have blood it will have blood it will have blood it will have blood it will have blood it will have blood it will have blood it will have

---

Page 14

I had another pretty clear one. It was really hot. I think there was a lot of smoke. I was scared again, because there was… someone coming? Maybe?? Or something coming. I’m not sure. But whatever it was, it was bad, and we didn’t want it to get there.

There were three people again. I think I didn’t like one of them. When I looked at them I felt really, really angry. But that one, the one I didn’t like, they were kneeling on the ground, and there was a book in their hands? I know it was a book but I couldn’t see what it said. Isn’t that supposed to be a thing, not being able to read in dreams? I don’t know.

I think that person was reading from the book. I couldn’t understand the words, but the air felt weird. Heavy. And then I think there was a fourth person too, and then I think there were people trying to stop the person reading because they were doing something bad? They were going to hurt someone? It got muddled here and I don’t know why we were trying to stop them all of a sudden when I think we were fine with it at first, but I guess dreams don’t have to make sense.

None of this makes any sense.

But anyway, something happened, I think. Something really, really bad and I don’t remember what, because that’s when I woke up. But something went wrong. I think the bad thing got there.

I think there might also have been blood. But I’m not sure.

I’m not sure of anything.

---

Page 16

Wait, what happened on page 13?

I can’t read what it says. Did I cross that out?

---

Page 17

I can’t help but wonder if these are dreams at all. I’ve already got memory problems so who’s to say this isn’t just some more of that, just in a different form?

But the thing about that is, if these are memories of some kind I’ve got no idea when they could’ve happened. And I know my memory’s not great, but could I really forget being on a completely different server?

No, I could definitely forget being on a different server. I definitely could. I don’t even know where I came from originally. But I know I’ve been on Hypixel for years. I know I’ve been here, even if I don’t really remember a whole lot of particulars, so when did any of this happen?

I don’t know if I want these dreams to be memories. Some of them feel really scary.

---

Page 18

I woke up crying.

I think someone was dead in my dream. Someone I really really cared about.

I’m still crying a little bit. It hurts. I don’t want these to be memories. I don’t want to have lost someone like that.

---

Page 21

I defintiely dont want these to be memories I’m still shaking and I dont I cant

---

Page 22

Okay. I’ve calmed down. I need to write this. I need to remember later.

I think I hurt someone. Really, really hurt someone.

I’m going to describe this as best I can.

The whole thing felt dim and kind of hazy, but not in the normal dream sort of way. Like there was an actual haze in the air. And everywhere I looked it was all red, like I was wearing tinted glasses or something. I was with other people. Different people from any of the ones before, I think, and I felt different about them too. I wrote down how usually I’m worried about the people I’m with, but it wasn’t like that this time.

I think I hated them. I’m not sure. I don’t really know what that feels like.

But anyway, we were going somewhere together. There was something like an island, only it was in the sky. Like a big chunk of floating rock. And we were trying to get up there, and then we did and there was someone waiting for us. I can’t picture what they looked like except I think they were weirdly blurry? But everyone in these dreams is weirdly blurry. I don’t know, this felt like a different kind of blurriness. I think this person was trying to talk to us or stop us or something, but it was really easy to get past them. Almost like we could go straight through them.

And then we were inside. There was a building of some kind. Big and kind of pretty? Maybe? It was hard to see details, because of the haze and blurriness and everything, and it still all looked really red. There was someone else waiting for us inside. I remember this part because it was really weird, because at first this person was like, normal sized. And then they got super big. So many feet tall. Taller than me, and that’s weird. That doesn’t happen very often.

And then we were all fighting this person. I don’t remember this part super well. Somebody got hurt I think, and maybe there was also lightning?? I think I remember lightning. And the fight went on for a while, and then I went somewhere else so I don’t know how it ended, whether the big guy won or the people I was with or what.

But so I went down this hallway. And then a bunch of hallways and then I was in a bigger room. This is the important part. There were three people in this room. One of them was sitting with their back facing me, one of them was kind of in the middle, looking my way, and the other one was really little and sitting in the corner.

I don’t

I don’t know why I did what I did next. I’m not even sure that I wanted to. It was like I was watching myself do it, almost. Like there was something else moving me and I didn’t like that at all and I really don’t want to think about it more but there it is.

And then I

I don’t want to write this

The whole room lit up. There was some kind of glowing design on the ground. The person with their back to me was on the edge of it, and the person in the middle was. In the middle. Of it. And they saw me. They looked at me and I felt

I don’t even know what I felt.

And then it was like the whole world just. Stopped. I don’t know how to describe it. And the other person shouted something and then I just

And then I stepped forward, and I grabbed the first person by the hair, and there was a sword in my hand, and I think I

I slit their throat.

The other person was screaming. I don’t know what happened to the little one.

And then it all went dark, and I woke up.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t even want to remember this, even though I guess I should. If it’s more than just a dream, but I don’t want it to be more than just a dream.

And if this is a memory or something, I don’t know what to do.

Should I turn myself in? What would I even say? Hi, I think I murdered someone. No, I’m not sure, but I had this weird dream you see, and it’s actually possible that I might have done this because sometimes I do things in my sleep that I don’t remember later and my memory is just, incredibly bad in general so it’s actually super possible that I killed someone and then forgot about it.

Would anyone even believe that? Should I try?

I don’t want to hurt someone.

---

Page 24

The dreams keep coming, but none of them have been as detailed as that last one.

I still don’t know what to do.

I wish someone would tell me what to do.

But I don’t think I can tell anyone about this. Who would I even tell?

Can I put myself in prison? Can someone do that? At least I would know for certain that I’m not hurting anyone.

Sometimes I think I have blood on my hands and I just want to scrub it off so bad but that’s not a good idea for obvious reasons but I just

I really need a solution.

---

He’s wandering around one of Hypixel’s hubs when he sees the news. Hypixel’s pretty good for that: news from other servers. Probably because so many players from so many places converge here. But he’s never bothered very much with that kind of stuff. There’s not much to bother with, considering that he has no idea where he was before he was here, and he has no idea where he’d go if he ever left. It’s not like he knows anybody. Literally. Anywhere. It’s kind of sad, if he’s being honest.

But for some reason, Ranboo hears the name ‘Dream SMP’ and stops dead in his tracks.

Which, not his best idea ever, considering that this is a crowded hub, so someone bumps into him pretty much right away, and then they glare at him right in his eyes, and he has to duck his head and apologize because oops, he’s inconvenienced someone so now he’d like the earth to swallow him whole, please, and also eye contact. Hm. Not good. He doesn’t like that. It makes his chest buzz and his head ache and every bone in his body go all stiff and tense.

So he makes himself start walking again before he can cause any more trouble. He just makes sure he heads in the direction of the news cast. For no particular reason, it’s just—that name. It strikes a chord in him, and he’d like to know a little more, that’s all.

There’s a few people hanging around, obviously with the same idea. They don’t pay him any attention, which is nice, because that means he can just stand there and listen without worrying about having to talk to anyone.

The newscaster is talking about an election. Being held on this server, the Dream SMP. He’s not sure why something like that would matter here, especially after the newscaster goes on to say that there’s only a few dozen players on this server in total. Except then it turns out that people don’t have to be on this server to vote in this election, which doesn’t make any sense to him at all. Something about how influential the server is? So other people get a say in stuff?

He’s not going to bother writing that part down, because he wouldn’t understand it even if he did.

And then the newscaster starts talking about the people who are running for office in this country on this server. And there’s. Pictures. And he’s pretty sure that his heart is trying to crawl up his throat and literally outside of his body. Because. Okay. Most of these people, he has no idea who they are. Which is absolutely what he expected.

But then, the news shows the current president. Who is also running. And the current president’s vice president. And—he doesn’t recognize this Wilbur person.

Somehow, though, he sees TommyInnit, and he almost bursts into tears, which, wow. Strong reaction much? And he tries really hard not to cry if he can help it, which makes this even more weird. It’s not even that he recognizes him, because he’s pretty sure that he doesn’t. Or if he does, he can’t place where he knows him from. But he looks at this guy—and he doesn’t look like anything special, really, just a guy, a teenager, blond hair and kind of lanky, red and white t-shirt—and feels a whirlwind of emotions in him, rising up, threatening to bubble over, and it’s strange and confusing because he doesn’t know why.

Just to be sure, he pulls out his memory book and leafs through it. No mention of anyone named TommyInnit, or even just Tommy. He pulls out the dream journal, too, but it’s the same. The only name in there is Michael. No Tommy.

There’s plenty of other things written in there. Things he doesn’t want to think about. Even though trying not to think about them kind of just makes him think about them more, and then he feels terrible, and then—

“Huh,” the guys standing nearest to him says, very suddenly. “How about that.”

He’s scared for a second, because he thinks the guy might be talking to him, about him, that he’s read some of his writing over his shoulder or something. But no, the guy is looking at the screen, still. His eyebrows are raised. Ranboo focuses on them, because he’s found that if he looks at people’s eyebrows, it’s close enough to eye contact that people won’t ask why he’s not looking at them, and it’s far enough that he’s not bothered. Best of both worlds. And it’s also probably better to stare there than at the guy’s big, curling horns, or the way he’s dressed. In a fancy suit—and that’s odd. Not the suit part, because Ranboo likes to wear suits himself, when he can get them. Because they’re cool and snazzy. Mostly, it’s just the fact that it’s so well-fitting. Obviously expensive, even to his eyes.

He doubts that this is the sort of person who competes in the tournaments.

And then, the guy turns toward him, and he regrets. So very much, so very intensely. He shouldn’t have stared at all.

“The hell are you looking at?” the guy says, and. Um. This is not very good, actually.

“Sorry,” he says, and averts his eyes really, really far away. Back to the screen. “You just. I mean. You talked, and no one else here really is, so I just. Yeah. Sorry.”

The guy laughs, so maybe he’s not mad. “Don’t sweat it, kid,” he says, but then, instead of leaving him alone, he keeps talking to him. Oh boy. What has he started. “You interested in shit like this?”

What does he say to that? He’s not even sure what this is, exactly.

“Kind of?” he ventures. “I guess I just wanted to know what was going on.” That’s good. Nice and vague.

The guy shakes his head. “You and me both. Never woulda thought Wilbur had something like this in him. Politics was never his shtick. But hey, best of luck to him, right? I’m rooting for him.”

Oh! So this guy knows one of the people on the server. The president. Wilbur Whatever-His-Last-Name-Was, He Forgot.

“Do you,” he starts, and breaks off after the guy turns back to him. But no, he wants to know. This is a reasonable question to ask, he thinks. “I mean, do you know how somebody might, um. Go about trying to get on this server? If they thought there was someone there they knew?”

The guy laughs again, louder, and he cringes back. “Trying to get on that server?” he says. “Good luck with that. They say Dream’s exclusive as hell with who he invites. If you’ve got someone’s private comm code, you might have some luck there, be able to plead your case, but you’re shit out of luck otherwise. Unless you wanna try hacking, but I wouldn’t recommend that. Shit’s too much of a risk, not enough payoff, especially when it’s Dream you’re dealing with.”

“Oh,” he says. “Um. Dream. That’s the admin?”

“Bastard,” the guy says, nodding. “Banned me, the asshole. Not that I care about being on his shitty server, but it’s the principle of the thing. You get it, don’t you?”

“Sure?” He doesn’t. Or, well, maybe.

His brain has gotten a bit stuck on the idea of hacking. Which is not a good idea, of course. Not a good idea at all. Even if he managed to get on, somehow, he’d be kicked off before he could do anything, surely. And if he failed—he’s heard stories. Rumors, more than anything. Players who get stuck in the void, locked out of any server at all. Players who mess with their own code by mistake, causing glitches, mutations, splices. Players who are never seen again.

Hacking’s a dangerous kind of magic. Not something to be messed with lightly.

“What’s your name, kid?” the guy asks, and he jolts.

“Um. Ranboo,” he says. “I’m Ranboo.”

“Ranboo,” the guy repeats. He doesn’t pronounce it quite right. “Weird fucking name. Well, good luck with whatever the hell you’re doing, I guess. If you do anything illegal, it’s nothing that I told you about.”

“Of course?” he says, but the guy’s already walking away. He’s got a confident kind of walk. Ranboo feels uneasy, watching his retreating back vanish into the crowds of the hub.

He looks back at the screen. The news has moved on. He wishes it hadn’t; he would’ve liked to hear it all again so the details were fresher.

Because this—this should go in the memory book. He’s not entirely sure why. But it’s important, and he doesn’t want to forget important things. What he’ll do with the information, he’ll figure out later.

Hacking. He shouldn’t. He definitely shouldn’t.

But something about this Tommy—

He brings out his memory book and his pen, and he starts to write.

#mcyt #dsmp #dream smp #dsmp fic #ranboo #jschlatt #/rp #cw memory loss #cw mild unreality #cw blood mention #cw implied death #that last one's regarding the original timeline #cat writes fic #long post #time travel au #it's been nearly a month but surprise got an update for y'all

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sp-ud · 3 years ago

Text

Waking Up

AO3 Link

Inspired by this post: Link

And my own post about this concept: Link

Content Warnings: Panic Attacks, Memory Loss

Words: 1817

Ranboo suddenly finds himself back in reality with his hands in the middle of braiding his own hair. Not the worst thing he’s woken up to after Enderwalking. He lets out a sigh as he continues braiding his hair, eyes drifting towards the ceiling as he reflects on what he can remember doing while Enderwalking.

Wuh oh.

---

This is basically me sharing my theories about Enderwalking in fic format. That's kinda it. I took my theories, and wrote em as a fic.

I also posted this at 3am which is why it took me till 2pm to make a proper Tumblr post about it.

Wuh oh.

Quickly tying off the braid he grabs the memory book. Reading through page 13 again. “New table”? Axe feeling lighter? Eye inside a block? Eye that looks his? Now, Ranboo might not know a lot about his Enderman heritage, but he knows a portal when he's described one.

Lightly smacking his face, Ranboo tries to shift through the foggy memories he always has after Enderwalking. Memories where he feels like a passenger, not the one experiencing it. He… he was mining. Just chatting with those particles of his, when he came across an exposed stronghold. He went to investigate… finding the portal but not recognizing it in his Enderwalk state.

Ranboo starts to head downstairs as he digs through his memories more, he’d… he’d realized the portal would probably help with the experiments he did while Enderwalking but had left to build a lab another day.

… Has he already built the lab? Yes, he has. Replacing the stone walls with iron and setting up what he’d discovered as ‘the solution’ to Enderwalking. Without having to remember, Ranboo can already tell he hadn’t gone through with it while Enderwalking. Otherwise, he would have woken up in the lab. Or in his bed from respawning, after all, his Enderwalking self didn’t seem to realize some of the multiple flaws in his solution.

But Ranboo is too scared to correct his Enderwalking self. It’s already taken him ages to convince his Enderwalking self that he isn’t some evil dissociative state that committed war crimes he can’t remember. He doesn’t want to imagine how it’d go over trying to inform his Enderwalking state he has it backward.

Sliding down into his basement he quickly mines through the wall to get the experiment log he's written in Ender. Flipping all the way to the last page where he’s written the solution. He pulls out a pen from his pocket and holds it hesitantly over the page.

He knows how he is when Enderwalking. A paranoid anxious mess with less than half of his memory. If he sees this when Enderwalking, he’d freak out, he’d get suspicious, and then probably do it anyways.

Reluctantly, he hides the experiment log back away, sealing it back behind stone bricks. He has to tell someone he both trusts out of Enderwalk, and in Enderwalk.

Which is admittedly a short list of people. Phil would be good, but the old man would likely ask too many questions he doesn't know how to answer. Techno, while also a good option, is also currently hibernating. And would likely pass the message onto Phil.

Niki would be an option if the two crossed paths more often, and Tommy has so many issues of his own right now, he doesn't need Ranboo's. The particles, while well meaning, are honestly more of a nuisance who would likely just increase any suspicion.

Which only really leaves one other person, Tubbo. Who, while Ranboo loves his husband, still isn't the perfect option for this, is the best he honestly has.

Someone he trusts, who will listen, who will understand, and who'll actually be able to help. The only issue is Tubbo himself might want to experiment, Ranboo personally still is a little salty over the whole electric chair thing. But hopefully the moobloom-hybrid wilk put aside his scientific interests for the sake of Ranboo's wellbeing.

Not wanting to waste any more precious time he has before falling back into Enderwalk, Ranboo leaves his house as fast as he can after quickly snapping on his armor.

The journey to Snowchester is quick, one he likes to thinks he'd still know even if he had no memories. By the time the water tunnel has shot him back out, it feels like barely a minute has passed since he woke up.

Letting his enchanted armor drip off the water, Ranboo quickly starts towards the mansion where, if his memory serves him right, should be where Tubbo is currently.

"TUBBO!" He shouts as soon as he enters the mansion, yelling being the most efficient way to locate someone in the massive building. His long ears strain themselves to listen for a shout back.

"I'M IN THE UPSTAIRS GUEST ROOMS!" The ender-hybrid hears distantly, darting up the stairs as fast as he can. "THE ONES NEAR OUR ROOM!" Tubbo shouts once more, Ranboo quickly taking a left.

He almost bumps into Tubbo as the moobloom-hybird steps out into the hallway. Luckily scrambling to a stop just before bowling the smaller teen over. He rests a hand against the wall, somewhat hunching over as he tries to catch his breath.

"You good bossman? Something wrong?" Tubbo asks, taking a small step towards Ranboo. The taller huffs a few more breaths before holding his other hand up to tell Tubbo to wait a second.

"It's…" he starts, before taking a deep breath and straightening up, "It's… oh God, I was so focused on getting here quickly that um, didn't really think through how to explain this all…" his tail flicks restlessly behind him.

Tubbo hums to himself for a second, "This is a sit-down kind of thing, isn't it?" Ranboo gives a small nod, "Good thing I just set up yet another 'sitting area earlier today, come on," the brunette grabs Ranboo's hand and gently drags him further down the hallway before opening a door with dramatic flourish.

It's another room consisting of multiple sofas and chairs around a coffee table. The amount of rooms they have that look like this is honestly concerning, but at least Tubbo has enough eye for design that they all are clearly different. Much less confusing than the identical empty rooms Foolish left them with.

Ranboo all but collapses onto one of the couches, Tubbo taking a seat across from him. The brunette's mouth is twisting in worry, nose scrunching up as watches Ranboo through messy bangs.

"Okay," a sigh escapes the ender-hybrid, "I, I guess the best place to start would be… explaining my… condition?" He still isn't sure what the right term for Enderwalking is as there's next to no public documents on the topic. "So, you know how I have bad memory?"

A slight snort before a nod tell Ranboo to continue, "Well that's, that's just one symptom of my, condition. The Enderwalk. It's genetic, I'm pretty sure. There's uh, not much known about it," Ranboo starts messing with the furred tip of his tail, "But it's basically a, a state I go into? I guess? And it…" he trails off.

How does he explain to his best friend, his husband, that the 'him' he always interacts with isn't 100% 'him'. His mouth hangs open before snapping shut, shaking his head a little. Tubbo won't hate him for something out of his control, Tubbo is reasonable, he's smart, he's a good person.

Another glance at Tubbo shows that the moobloom-hybrid now has a serious look on his face, leaning forward, waiting for Ranboo to continue.

"It doesn't just affect my memory. It, it can affect my judgment, my reasoning. And it worsens with age," Ranboo focuses his gaze back down to his tail flicking in his own grasp, "and, don't get me wrong, I'm still me when Enderwalking I'm just…" he loses his words again. Letting a silence fall over the room.

"Okay," Ranboo looks up. Tubbo has a hand to his chin in thought. "okay, I get what you're saying. Plenty of species have illnesses like that," the ender-hybrid nods, "and I'm glad you told me but, why now?" A hint of light blue eyes peer through messy bangs, "did something happen?"

"More like… something's been happening but it's, it's close to becoming worse." He shifts on the couch, once again struggling to find the right words, "I'm Enderwalking all the time… I'd say that you uh, you probably see me Enderwalking more than you see me normally," he pauses to swallow. "When Enderwalking I, I dont realize I'm Enderwalking," a humorless laugh escapes him. "I don't even have half of my memories then. I managed to forget what Enderwalking even is! And somehow," his voice is starting to go static with anger, "I managed to come up with the name again, while Enderwalking, to explain my normal state!"

He hunches over, burying his head between his knees as he lets out static-filled laughs. His ears no longer hearing anything other than a growing buzz. Hands gripping and twisting his hair as his laughs start to devolve into something more like sobs.

A light weight settles over his shoulders and back, hands slowly unclenching his hair to drift down to wrap the blanket around himself. He feels a head rest itself on his shoulders, following the deep breaths he can feel carefully. His tail loosely wraps around a waist before small hooved finger tips start bruising through it.

"Sorry," he mutters. Tubbo hums, leaning his head more onto Ranboo's shoulder.

"Nothing to be sorry about, it sounds like… a lot," Tubbo says back, "You sure you want to talk about this now big man?"

The ender-hybrid nods, tilting his head to somewhat rest on top of Tubbo's, the smaller's dull horns pressing into his face. "I don't know when I'll start Enderwalking again, I have to tell you now before I forget again."

"As long as you're sure," Tubbo replies with a shrug, but Ranboo can still hear the concern under the layer of dismissiveness.

"When Enderwalking I've, starting to experiment on myself. It's progressively gotten more… intense, to put it simply. My Enderwalking self thinks he's found a solution, to stop from 'Enderwalking' but," Ranboo pulls back, doing his best to make direct eye contact with Tubbo, "the 'solution'? It's, I know what it's going to do! It will just make the Enderwalk worse. I'll probably be down to only a quarter of my memories! I might even, even lose a life."

Ranboo's eyes loss focus as his panic starts to build before he feels Tubbo's dull horns pressing into his chest and arms wrapping him in a loose hug.

"That's what you wanted to tell me, right?" Tubbo sighs, "you want me to make sure that you don't go through with it while Enderwalking?" Ranboo lets out what's supposed to be a hum that ends up sounding more like a buzz in response.

"Don't worry bossman, you can count on me," Tubbo tightens his hug and Ranboo can slowly feel the fog that comes with Enderwalking creep in.

"I know, I always know," he responds, before letting himself drift into the fog.

#idk how u post fics on tumblr #i hope i didi this right #dsmp #ranboo #tubbo #enderwalk #dsmp fanfic #spud's writing

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sweetescapeartist · 4 years ago

Text

MY DBS MANGA CHAPTER 72 REVIEW... 😒

Hey there... Here comes the review.

Imma start like this and use language some ppl may find offensive. Goku, Vegeta, & Granolah are retarded. Now that that's out of the way, time to dissect this "Dragon Ball Super coloring book."

Goku & Vegeta land on the planet & its peaceful. How are they not immediately suspicious? They see that the planet isn't in danger & no death. Its obvious they need to ask a question to figure out what lies they've been told.

I was gonna say its dumb for Granolah to be able to supress his ki because it seems only Earthling have that kind of spiritual understanding. But Namekians have that spiritual understanding too so maybe Monaito taught Granolah how to suppress his ki.

I lost interest in the Heeters' past. You can only tease me so long until I stop caring. At least mention something like Freeza almost killed Gas on planet Cereal so now that's why Gas keeps trying to get stronger. There's so little info about "important" stuff that's supposed to be important. Give readers a tease, hint, a different hint, some valuable info, then another hint, then a reaveal (or something similar!) Instead its tease, hint, tease, tease, hint, tease...

In all honesty, the chapter didn't even need that page with Gas & Elec. When Maki said Gas & Elec are coming, that was all we needed to know. Then we anticipate their arrival in the next chapter. Showing them is a waste of time & they add no real purpose to the chapter. That was just a waste of ink.

Also I'm bored of Gas now. He only looks interesting but does nothing. 👎

Granolah shoots at Goku & Vegeta. Base Goku closes his eyes to use UI (UI Omen?) while Vegeta goes SS. Base Goku dodges easier than Vegeta. Goku is leagues beyond Vegeta.

A better way to have Goku & Vegeta encounter Granolah would be for him to snipe at them right when they get off the ship. Granolah wanted to kill them so bad so why wait for them?

Somehow they go towards Granolah but he's too fast for them & they lose him. They can't sense him firing ki for some reason. Idk why Goku didn't use Instant Transmission when Granolah shot ki at them?

I don't get why Goku closes his eyes either. Its as if Goku can't use UI now unless his eyes are closed but that wasn't the case before. Eyes were opend when using UI Omen & Mastered UI. Toyo could have conveyed that better but instead he's making Goku close his eyes like how Roshi covered his eyes when fighting those prisoner women because their beauty distracted him. Is Goku distracted by Granolah's beauty or something?

Wait a sec... I gotta backtrack real quick. Goku used the Ultra Instinct technique in his base & didn't go into Ultra Instinct Omen? But thats him using it in base right? Oh boy... This is about to get dumb...

Ultra Idiot Goku & Super Stupid Vegeta are surprised that the guy having the title of "strongest in the universe" is capable of moving faster than them when they aren't at full power. Such genius writing.

Goku gets shot in the neck... & it knocks him out... Ok. But later Granolah comments on how Goku's body moves on it's own before Goku can even process an attacks. Not to mention Goku & Whis have said the same thing. Goku should be untouchable at this point, but for some reason he is not.

So, Vegeta takes a senzu bean from his "training bra" and gives it to Goku. For some reason they decided to only take 2 senzu when knowing they would fight a guy possibly stronger than them. Stupid monkeys.🐒 (I'm starting to sound like Freeza now)

How did unconscious Goku eat a senzu? Yaoi fans would had loved it if Vegeta chewed the senzu up for Goku and fed it to him. Sorry, it just reminded me of Trunks spitting senzu mush into Mai's mouth since she was unconscious.

Then we have this dialogue from "sensei" Vegeta, The Ultra Instinct Expert...

"You rely on Ultra Instinct too much! If you haven't perfected it yet, then dodge using your mind!" - Vegeta

"Yeah, you're right..." - Goku

"WTF Toyotaro!" - DB Meta

... I'm unsure who is the stupid one in this situation. Is it Goku or Vegeta? It could be Vegeta because UI is the ultimate technique that allows you to move without thinking. But Vegeta says that because Goku hasn't perfected Ultra Inst-...

...

Sorry, I had to restart my brain...

Didn't... didn't Goku master Ultra Instinct? Silver hair? Silver eyes? MASTERED/PERFECTED ULTRA INSTINCT? Before that, Goku perfected Ultra Instinct Omen & could go in it at will... So, Goku is listening to Vegeta tell him he hasn't mastered UI? But both know that Goku did master UI? What does Vegeta know? Vegeta can't even use UI.

I almost stopped reading the rest of the colouring book when I got to that dialogue.

Also, Granolah wants to kill Saiyans, so why is he holding back and not hitting them with deadly attacks. He only needs one alive anyways. He said so himself.

At least there was a good pose Goku was in. The art looked nice there.

Now here's another place I almost quit reading. Granolah apparently has all the abilities of Goku & Vegeta. Hack writing. Sounds like a Moro, 7-3, & Cell copy cat. Toyo just cant leave the Cell saga alone.

Granolah is bumping his gums & rattling his tongue (old slang for "talking a lot") but when Vegeta asks if Granolah holds a grudge against Saiyans, Granolah suddenly says that's enough talking. He responded to them 3 times & spoke like 5 sentences to them. If you're gonna chat then chat. If you hate Saiyans then don't say anything to them & try to kill them. Dummy.

Granolah uses Hakai. But aparently he's not using Hakai or Instant Transmission. Its just "similar." Sure. Confirms that he has been using something similar to UI in previous chapters too.

Granolah says they're stronger than expected because they escaped into the air. Escape doesn't equal strenght. Mai escaped Goku Black, doesn't mean she's extremely strong.

But seriously, Vegeta saying he's gonna prove his training is better than Goku is stupid. He wants to prove he is better than Goku yet he tells Goku to fight first (that's beta). It's as if he isn't confident & wants Goku to wear Granolah out first, so he can come in and look impressive. Kinda like in RoF after Freeza was tired from fighting Goku & Vegeta wasn't tired at all & he easily beat Freeza up. Looked cool, but actually wasn't too impressive.

Granolah saying that he's gonna shoot them if they don't fight him is ridiculous. Why is he showing mercy to the tribe that didn't show his ppl mercy? Why give chances to the ppl you wanted revenge on for years? Realistically he would just start blasting at them.

Unecessary dialogue from Vegeta talking to himself about how he needs to learn who Granolah is. Show don't tell Toyo.

Why is Granolah waiting for the Oozaru form? Maybe he wants to kill them in that form? What about revenge? Just kill them.

Goku screamed to power up from SS to SSG. That's possibly dumb, but I gotta let at least 1 thing slide this chapter.

Why did Granolah let them power up? So unlike what we've been shown what Granolah is like. Why would he want to give "murderers" of his entire race a fair chance to fight him?

Next, Goku doesn't try to explain he isn't savage like other Saiyans when Granolah accuses his kind of being so. Instead Goku just agrees & says "Oh... Yeah." I guess he really just wants to fight. I can't tell if this is OOC or just magnifying a Saiyan flaw of Goku just to push the story along. Idk. I'm losing brain cells reading this chapter.

Granolah's fighting stance is cool. Hey, look. I said a nice thing. (But why is he doing close combat when being a sniper us his specialty?)

So, Goku uses UI in SSG form... Bruh, is Ultra Instinct a technique, a state of mind, or a transformation? I'll tell you what it is. ULTRA INSTINCT IS A PLOT DEVICE! It does whatever Toyotaro decides at the moment. So freaking inconsistent... 😓😒

Ultra Instinct becomes more accurate when in conjunction with a SS form?! How tho? I thought it was just a goldy technique that needed a clear mind and control or whatever. Or is UI a transformation like Toyo stated many times in previous chapters, while also calling UI a technique? How can mixing a godly "technique" with a SS form enhance it better than Goku simply using UI Omen? It doesnt! Vegeta, you can just shut up! Every time you talk about UI, you've been wrong! It should be illegal impersonating an UI Expert.

Goku is using the Ultra Instinct technique in base form against Granolah.

UI Omen is Goku using the Ultra Instinct technique in base form.

Goku uses Ultra Instinct technique in the Super Saiyan God transformation.

Mastered UI is Goku mastering the technique or maybe using the technique as a transformation? (Toyo is confusing.)

So why isn't Goku going into UI Omen when using UI in base? Why does Vegeta say "Ultra Instinct... becomes more accurate when used in conjunction with a Super Saiyan form"? Does that mean Mastered UI is a Saiyan form in conjunction with the Ultra Instinct technique? So, there's an unknown silver haired Saiyan transformation that Goku was utilizing in conjunction with Ultra Instinct? I guess this confirms that "Super Saiyan Blanco" is real y'all.

I suppose that if UI in base isn't the same as UI Omen, then by that logic, there is also an unknown "Super Saiyan Noir" form we haven't seen yet.

I'm done with Ultra Instinct in the manga. Toytaro doesn't know if UI is a technique or a transformation. I could explain it better than him, but I'm not tye one writing official material. Why should I make sense of his bad writing when he will change things later? HE should explain it clearly to US. He is extremely inconsistent with his explanations and will change them when he feels like it.

I dont care what Geekdom101 says about UI being both technique & transformation, because Ultra Instinct IS NOT a transformation nor a technique anymore. ULTRA INSTINCT IS JUST A PLOT DEVICE. 😑

[You can skip this little section. I'm talking about inconsistencies from the Moro arc]

I remember when I talked about how Moro's life draining powers were retconned multiple times.

Moro can absorb life energy from a planet while he is in outer space, then he is nerfed to only being able to take life energy by directly touching you, later Vegeta says they need to get off the ground because now Moro (who is stronger and fused with the planet) can only steal your life enrgy while making contact with you. He could absorb life energy from entire planets from space, but has to make contact with somebody once he got stronger?

Let's not forget it's said Moro drains life energy, but can't drain 17 & 18 because they say they don't have life energy. I guess that means Krillin had a daughter with a dead woman? No. Multiple times, 17 & 18 contributed to the Genki Dama (a collection of life energy). Goku gathers energy from trees, animals, ppl, everything living. This means 17 & 18 do have life energy because they are living beings. But the energy they fight with is unlimited artificial energy.

So if 17 & 18 can give life energy to Goku for a Genki Dama, then Moro should be able to take their life energy just like anyone else. What he can't take is their energy they use for battle because itsunlimited & artificial. Toyotaro does not understand this important detail nor does he understand many other details about these iconic character. So why is the the writer if he is getting so much wrong? Why is he not soley the artist?

Goku uses UI in SSG form to dodge a barrage of attacks from Granolah that are aimed at the planet. They must be weak attacks because the explosions are tiny. Is Granolah really trying to kill them?

Goku using UI in SSG but somehow gets caught off gaurd. Did UI just get nerfed so that Vegeta can look like he is on the same level as Goku in a later chapter? I think it did...

Granolah took Goku down a second time... Wow Goku, you kinda suck. In DBS CH 65 on page 11, after Moro broke his arm on UI Goku's chest, Whis said "When Ultra Instinct is honed to this extent, the body will automatically grow sturdier as necessary." Why is Goku holding back against the strongest in the universe? Oh yeah, that's right... UI is getting nerfed.

Vegeta, what do you mean "How is he learning Kakarot's weaknesses so quickly?" Everybody has similar vital spots in DB. Thats not learning, thats just knowing. Are you just a dummy, Vegeta? Do you not know where vital spots are?

Granolah can tell Goku's body is moving before his brain tells him to react. Granolah the UI "expert" can see all with his eye. You know who else can see with their eye? Tien. Speaking of Tien, I wanna go back to Earth now. What's Piccolo doing? I bet everyone on Earth is chilling or at work. Is it bad I'd rather watch Gohan at a conference than watch Goku, Vegeta, & Granolah be dummies? I'd rather watch Chi-Chi cooking with vegetables instead of watching vegetable puns fight a cereal pun. I'm sorry, the dialogue is just so bad...

How does Granolah's right eye being able to observe blood flow & muscle movements let you know where to strike? Dude, vital spots are where your organs are, & pressure points, & your head area, & you arteries, & so on. Ya ain't gotta observe blood flow to know that. Granolah just making stuff up now to sound cool. News flash, you failed. If he was sniping and able to track them based on blood flow and muscle movement, then that would had been smarter writing.

Granolah: "This right eye of mine is the sharpest in all the universe. It sees all."

Your eye sees all Granolah? Can you see past the Heeters feeding you bullcrap too?

Yo, where did Granolah's barely existing personality go? He wss once driven by revenge, and now the opportunity for revenge is right here in front of him & he's acting like he doesn't want it. If revenge is his only noticeable personality trait, what happens when you take it away? You get bland and dry Granolah.

So then Veget- hold on! Thats it! Granolah's name pun is granola because he is meant to be a bland character! I get it now! So all his moves must be cereal puns!

I never realized how genius this character is!

Detective Vegeta: "A tribe driven to extinction, known for their evolved right eyes... This is starting to sound familiar..." 🕵

Tien?! Oh wait... he said right, not 3rd eye. Jiren?! Oh wait, that's both his eyes... Jaco!? That's both eyes too... I give up.

Granolah's eye can tell that Goku is not using his full power, yet he can't tell he is being fooled by the Heeters. I think he needs new glasses or at least clean the revenge smear off of his monocle.

Granolah casually chats with a Saiyan who is one of the ppl he wants to kill. He would be better if he barely talked and just acted. Granolah should be like Iron Man in "Captain America: Civil War." Not trying to talk, just trying to kill because he is angry and wants revenge.

Goku: "Granolah, we don't work for Freeza & the two of us didn't attack your planet."

Granolah: "I dont care... Your people killed my family."

Boom! Gimme an award!

Back to the chapter 72 colouring book...

Granolah: "Hurry and get on with it. I have no duty to wait for your sake."

Yet you've been waiting all this time for them to arrive, fight them, chat with them, & even waiting for him to transform right now. You got time. You got 3 yrs to waste. You can chat for 10 minutes or so.

Granolah tells Goku that he doesn't have time to wait, then says "It's no skin off my nose to kill you where you stand." Then he waits for Goku to transform... Just kill Goku and be done with it already. Its not like Vegeta can win if Goku can't.

Granolah: "I dont have time for talk."

Goku: "Ok lets fight!"

Granolah: "Ok but, let me tell you about what my eye can do. I'm really proud of it. Mind if I talk a bit? So I sacrificed my life to defeat Freeza, the guy you're working for."

Goku: "What? You don't like Freeza? You're not a bad guy?"

Granolah: "Shut up Saiyan! You'll pay! Fight me!"

Granolah doesn't want to talk about Freeza all of the sudden when Goku implies they both have been tricked. Granolah becomes stupid just so the fight continues. There's a better way to keep them fighting. SHUT UP, GRANOLAH! If he talked less then convoluted stuff like this wouldn't happen.

Granolah yells "Take this!" He powers up instead of doing an attack... Why yell "take this" then power up if you aren't gonna attack right away? You even knocked Goku out of SSG, so now is the perfect time to finish him.

Blah blah blah, Goku goes SSB and they fight, blah blah blah.

Hey look! In my last review I said something about the planet should shake or be in danger from the battle. Looks like Toyo made the planet shake from the battle. Good job. I like this detail. Will it matter later on? Probably not.

Also, ya notice how god ki and god transformations are limited in this chapter? It seem they got too powerful for there to be any stakes. So we see Vegeta in base & SS. Then we see Goku in base, SS, SSG, base, & SSB so that false tension can build. Its smart but the dialogue doesn't compliment this smart tactic.

Aparently Vegeta doesn't care about the fight. Detective mode activate! (🕵) Vegeta standing in that Oozaru footprint looks like he's in Jurassic Park lol. But why did Detective Vegeta have to touch the footprint? He could had just looked at everything when he was high up and had a bird's eye view. Did Detective Vegeta taste the soil & gain knowledge by tasting the past?

Detective Vegeta: "I think I know who he is."

The Heeters said his name is Granolah, dummy. Shouldn't you say "I think I know what happened here." or something like that? Gimmie your detective hat, your trench coat, your bubble pipe, & you magnifying glass! You give detectives a bad name! I'll give this to somebody more deserving, like Jaco, Videl, Krillin, or Hit.

Did ya notice that Vegeta didn't get hit once but Goku who is using UI gets hit multiple times? Vegeta tells Goku to think instead of use UI? Oh yeah, this chapter was to pander to Vegeta fans. Toyo is poorly trying to convey he is equal or above Goku somehow. Like Vegeta mastered his training but Goku hasn't despite having mastered UI as a transformation thingy.

In conclusion, I was right. Freeza still hasn't been seen yet. Show a pic of him in somebody's thought bubble at the very least. This is all happening because if his influence y'all. Still no visual of Freeza yet... Whateva.

This chapter was wack. Too much unintelligent & unreasonable & unrealistic & unnecessary dialogue, plot went nowhere, Goku is being handicapped so the fight can continue, everyone are stupid idiots, Vegeta is being built up to lose his battle or get lucky & win. No image of Freeza still... This was just a very, very boring chapter.

I expect the next chapter to be boring too. Probably won't see Freeza either.

Prediction

Goku got knocked down twice by Granolah, Vegeta decided to fight second, Granolah said he doesn't need to keep Goku alive, & Vegeta told Goku he should stop relying on UI... Sounds like UI is getting nerfed & Goku is gonna need to be saved by Vegeta so that Vegeta can show off his Hakai training in comparison to UI.

#dbs manga #dbs #review #wtf toyotaro

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lostinthewiind · 5 years ago

Note

A prompt for Speirs or Lipton! Reader has found a quiet, peaceful spot in the countryside near Aldbourne where they escape from the boisterous 506 PIR. However they dont know that someone else has also discovered that spot, and they get interrupted whilst they are sunbathing in their underwear! Xx

I choose . . . drumroll please . . . LIPTON! I changed the plot slightly to take place in Austria after the war. I just think there might be better weather there for sunbathing, no offence to England *cough* *cough*

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Our Own Little Slice of Heaven

It was a beautiful day; one you could actually take the time to appreciate. Sure, there had been many a day during the war where you had woken up and the sun had been shining and the sky had been a glorious shade of light blue, but the sound of artillery and screams for a medic that soon followed usually soured any and everything that was once worth cherishing.

Now that the war was over, however, there was much more time in the day to stop and savour the little things, such as a blue sky or a shimmering lake, and that was exactly what you planned on doing.

Most of the men had taken it upon themselves to spend as much time in the lake as possible, and although you weren’t necessarily shy around the men you considered family by now, you still weren’t keen on the idea of stripping down in front of all of them. Luckily for you, while on a walk through the woods one day, you came across a small, secluded lake nestled among the trees that no one else knew about.

Now, every morning, you visited the lake, took a swim, and laid in the sun for a while with a good book. Some days you spent hours on end there, enjoying the beauty of the little slice of heaven you had discovered and the time you got to spend alone; just you and your thoughts.

With a towel in one hand and a book in the other, you made your way down the narrow path toward the lake, ready to start your day the same way you had the day before and the day before that.

Setting your belongings down beside a large tree trunk, you unzipped your jacket and stepped out of your boots and pants before making your way toward the sirene lake. Despite the fact that the still, blue water looked so very inviting when it sparkled in the sunlight, you knew it was deceivingly cold, so without hesitation, you wasted no time in taking the plunge and leapt off of a rock into the water.

Your body tensed as soon as you touched the water, but seconds later, you felt more awake than any cup of coffee could ever make you feel and let out a refreshed sigh.

You didn’t stay in the water long—just long enough to wake up give your body and hair a quick rinse. About five minutes later, you climbed out of the lake and scurried back over to your belongings, wrapping yourself up in your towel to dry off.

Then you laid the towel down on the grass and sat down, and with your back against the tree trunk, you picked up your book and flipped to the last page you had left off at. In your bra and underwear, you lounged in the sun and air-dried, letting your thoughts fade away as you got lost in your book.

Not long after you started reading, however, you heard a branch snap somewhere close by and looked up, expecting to see an animal or something but instead seeing a man.

Staring out over the lake, Carwood Lipton was taking in the breathtaking scenery, completely oblivious to the fact that you were sitting five meters away. You waited for him to notice you, but when he didn’t, you decided to speak up. “It’s really pretty, isn’t it?” you asked, catching him off guard and causing him to jump a little.

“Oh, Y/N.” Lipton turned toward you, his eyes widening when he realized you were more exposed than he had ever seen you before. “I’m sorry.” he apologized as he turned his back to you, his cheeks flushing with heat. “I didn’t think anybody else knew about this place.”

“That’s exactly what I thought, too,” you said. “Hence the reason I’m not exactly decent.”

Lipton let out a nervous chuckle. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that, too.”

“Don’t be.” you placed your bookmark back into your book and set it aside. “I’m sure it’s nothing you haven’t seen before . . . you know, a woman’s body, I mean . . . not my body in particular.”

“I should probably just go.”

“No, don’t go.” you felt bad about being the reason Lipton didn’t get to enjoy a place that he obviously adored just as much, if not more than you did. “Come, sit. I’ll put some clothes back on.”

Slowly, Lipton turned back around as you slipped your jacket on to cover your bra. “You sure?”

“Yeah.” you crossed your legs, not bothering to put your pants back on since you were pretty sure Lipton was grown-up enough to handle a little bit of thigh. “It’s too nice out today to not sit by the lake for a while. Come and sit with me.”

Hesitantly, Lipton walked over and sat down beside you. “I usually come here first thing in the morning when the sun is just peeking over the horizon,” he said. “I’ve never really taken the time to stop and appreciate a sunrise before. I’m glad I have now.”

“That sounds amazing.” you smiled.

“You should come watch the sunrise with me tomorrow morning,” Lipton suggested. “If you think this place is beautiful now, just wait until you see it when the world’s first waking up. The birds are singing, the crickets are chirping. It’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever had the pleasure of witnessing.”

You laughed softly, a smile spreading across your face. “I never knew you were such a softie, Lip.”

“Really?”

“No, I lied,” you admitted. “What with being the company’s den mother and all, I sort of suspected it. But singing birds and chirping crickets is a new level, even for you.”

“What? A man isn’t allowed to enjoy the beauty the world has to offer without being some kind of sad sap?”

You chuckled. “I never said ‘sad sap’, I said ‘softie’. There’s a difference,” you told him. “It’s a good thing. Women like a man who isn’t afraid to drop that harsh, brooding demeanour every once in a while.”

Lipton nodded, the corners of his lips curling up ever-so-slightly. “And what about you?”

“What about me?” you questioned, confused.

“Do you like a man who isn’t afraid to drop that harsh, brooding demeanour every once in a while?”

You thought for a moment or two before answering, the warm morning breeze brushing your damp hair over your shoulders. “I suppose so. I haven’t really put much thought into it, to be honest.”

“That’s okay. I sort of caught you off guard with that question, anyway.”

“No, it’s not that,” you assured him. “It’s just been a long while since I’ve really paid any mind to the qualities I look for in a man. It’s been a long while since I’ve paid any mind to anything besides staying alive.”

“I know how you feel.” Lipton nodded in agreement. “It’s gonna be weird returning to normal life. I’m not sure how I’ll function . . . I wish I could just stay here forever.”

Tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, you exhaled. “I like that idea.”

“We can stay here together.” Lipton lifted his face to the sun and closed his eyes. “We can just sit here in the sun and look out over that lake for the rest of our lives.”

You giggled. “I think we might get hungry after a while.”

Lipton opened one eye and looked back at you. “ . . . or at least until the sun starts to set and it gets cold.”

“That sound’s more realistic.” you took Lipton’s hand in yours and interlocked your fingers with his. “We can come back in the morning and watch the sun rise again.”

“Most definitely.”

“Hey, Lip?”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve had a chance to think about it. I do like a man who isn’t afraid to drop that harsh, brooding demeanour every once in a while.”

Lipton opened both eyes this time. “’A man’?” he repeated.

“Yeah.” you smiled. “I’ve got someone specific in mind.”

#band of brothers #band of brothers fic #band of brothers fanfiction #lostinthewiind #carwood lipton #carwood lipton x reader #reader insert #reader imagine #hbowar

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bawkrya · 4 years ago

Text

ok so im just gonna pick at fr from a web designer pov because looking at this site on mobile will drive me into madness if they don’t fix it at some point. The rest of this post will go under a read more because it’s both super long and image heavy.

before i hit mobile though, I’m going to point out some things i just don’t personally like in general with the site design (and yes i am conscious that they are slowly updating to a new look)

this will come as a shock to no one, if you’ve seen previous web design related posts by others anyways, but i cant. stand this menu

[ID: A cropped screenshot of Flight Rising’s Main Menu]

fr, understandably, has a shit ton of links. it’s a petsite with lore and all that, whatever. The thing that bothers me specifically is the length of links and where some are placed.

1. i BELIEVE this counts as an accessibility issue where longer links kinda trap shorter links, goes into misclicks to other pages in the site, etc. etc. 2. i don’t think. the search link should be under library personally ? Maybe make it its own category.

Dev Tracker & Media could go under this category, possibly add separate links to forum, player, and dragon searches with updated formatting

Dressing Room and Scrying Workshop could go under the “Play” category

Forums can be it’s own category with possible subcategories being: Announcements & News, Help Center, and Flight specific discussion forum, maybe more

Library category could then just be: Which Waystone, World Map, Game Database, and Encyclopedia.

Support should be it’s own category.

One thing on the shop category, and i hesitate to say this because im not CONFIDENT on this one, but I’m not sure Custom Skins exactly fits? or at least, it should be Purchase Gems -> Marketplace -> Custom Skins, not between crossroads and festive favors

Merch should probably go under purchase gems, and they should maybe uhh..... i guess change the name for it overall? because 1. “merch” alone does NOT look good with its placement, 2. its another actual money purchase thing and I think those should go on the same page

Along with that, in putting merch under that page, they could put previews of the merch with a button to go purchase instead of immediately going to their merch site (which to begin with it should open in a new tab if its going to a separate site?!!)

then this is a mix of both not liking it on laptop OR mobile,

[ID: A cropped image of Flight Rising’s Clan Home page. The Bestiary link has a bright red box highlighting it]

Obviously these pages are old, but the graphics need to be updated, and there needs to be graphics for every link in the category-- seeing with this category alone there isn’t a graphic for the Bestiary already. On top of this they need to be in link order preferably. if they had a normal dropdown menu for mobile, mobile users wouldn’t be able to access the bestiary unless FR wanted to be STUPID and do further dropdown menus w their 200 links which would be STUPID and CLUTTERED

also in my opinion the Messages link isn’t necessary since we have the button at the top. If they put it there as an excuse for accessibility, they can just. add text to the buttons. like here’s a scuffed mockup but.

[ID: Screenshot of Flight Rising’s Messages, Friend Requests, and Alerts icons edited to have Messages, Friends, and Alerts written next to the icons]

for the friends tab, they could prolly add friend requests at the top like they do for baldwin alerts, then have an online status thing for friends below with buttons to PM, trade, delete friend, etc. I think you’re already able to disable the online status thing with page visibility? but like, make those options separate if you dont wanna block off your entire page, but dont want to be seen online.

For mobile, they can just make the icons bigger.

then. i THINK. last thing on laptop site.

[ID: A screenshot of Flight Rising’s Social Media links with old Logos to YouTube, Tumblr, Reddit, Twitter, Facebook, and DeviantArt]

update these fucking icons they are personally killing me, none of these logos are in use anymore (ALSO UPDATE THE TUMBLR THEME JESUS CHRIST)

ok now for mobile. what this post was originally for.

as you all know, if you visit this site on mobile, there is literally no form of a mobile version for it. It is just a condensed version of the computer version of the site which is...Very Bad!

Most of a sites visitors are going to be through mobile, i forget the exact percentage, but like it’s almost a given that people more readily have their phones with them than their laptop or tablet (which. im not going to bother with the tablet version, you can apply both computer and mobile criticisms to the site). in fact a lot of my time on FR is through mobile since I’m not at home 24/7 and I don’t tote my laptop around. Playing this game through it’s mobile site is Not Fun!

I like, won’t be too pissy or anything bc like. it’s a petsite and I’m making this post for fun. but also like it was made in 2014? 2013? so I’m not going to be u kno. angry. but it nearing the point of ten years with this site and there still isn’t a mobile friendly version. that is lazy. If anything, if they wanted a site update to be the anniversary thing, they should’ve made that update be

Mobile update as primary thing, because designing the site for mobile is a shit ton of work with the amt of pages they have to work through.

Dragon Profile page update (*LOUD SIGH*)

Clan page update

Hoard update (i have thoughts on this too but i wont dive into it this post)

Purchase Gems page update

Dev Tracker update

Forums update

“but that’s a lot to update” well. that wouldve made the anniversary being a website update considerably more worth it, because in my opinion having the dragon profile pages be the ONLY thing to happen during the anniversary was a waste and a bad decision, because other website updates are just. normal whatever updates. it made the anniversary SUPER underwhelming especially bc the past ones (to my knowledge) have only been major game mechanic updates like the eye & ancients update and i believe? the color wheel expansion was an anniversary thing? someone can correct me on that I haven’t played this game as long as most LMAO

as for how i personally would situate the mobile site. shitty graphic time, bc im not putting too much effort into this (warning this will be LONG)

[ID: Image 1. A crudely put together screenshot of the top half of a Mobile View of Flight Rising with comments on either side. It ends with the Latest News segments “Riot of Rot” and “Hoard & Vault Revamp”

Comment 1, Left side: “no banner make it a solid color that matches the burger menu. size the logo correctly etc. Comment 2, Right side: “burger menu w ONLY the categories, goes to the homepages of the categories” Comment 3, Right side: “TWO latest news posts, maybe a button to go see earlier news (which may b something to add to comp too)” Comment 4, Right side: “center dates and comments maybe idfk”

At the bottom of the image there is an added “button” that says “more updates button”]

[ID: Image 2. The bottom half of the mobile view with comments on the left side. There is a put together white box that has the Plague Flight Logo and “plage dom !” written in it. Below it are the Site Status, Random Dragon, and Exalt Bonuses boxes from the site. Underneath that is a red box with “ad space” in the center, with a red footer at the bottom.

The footer contains, “social media! (specifally made icons for site)”, “better formatted links”, and “copyright”.

Comment 1: “idk what they would caption it but the flashy can go here.” Comment 2: “ONE site status update if they keep this format” Comment 3: “probably center these links. i dont know what they use to build the site but im sure you can make icons for social media on just about anything unless this is all handcoded. just. make small icons it takes two seconds and you can copy+paste”]

i dont even want to THINK about how the lair and all that would look on mobile, it was a chore doing the home page alone SOBS

anyways, in ref to these images though--

this is just slapped together and definitely wouldn’t be a final draft, it could use some tweaking

the flashy i refer to is the box that’s above the user box that says what flight is in dom, what festival is going on, etc.

when i mention building the site and “you can make icons for social media on just about anything” im referring to wordpress, wix, whatever is used to format the site. I really only have experience with wordpress thru elementor and divi (so far) so im not CERTAIN about other places but I feel it would be pretty common to have that tool. if not, making icons (or snatching some) is rlly not that hard, probably only costly depending on what their webdesigner(s) charge for icons

I’m not like certain on who does what, how the webdesigner(s) work with/price this site, etc. etc. this is just. going off of my own knowledge. and in general this whole post is my own knowledge abt shit i did no further research to FRs team specifically

i think this is basically it, i’ll reblog with more if i think of anything, but feel free to add things yourself or in general discuss things. again this post was made for fun so im not taking it seriously or demanding for these changes to be made, just personal annoyances and preferences.

This is also my first time doing picture IDs for a post so if I need to correct anything or the like let me know and I’ll edit it in the post!

#im afraid to put this in the tag but you can rb i dont care #but GOD this post ended up so much longer than i anticipated..............#the more i looked at the site the more i saw to point out LMAO #also i tried making this post more accessible bt if theres still some things that dont make sense please let me know #esp the picture ids #theres also so much more i could add whether it's inconsistencies or whatever but i do not !! have the time for that

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letsdiscoverkitty · 5 years ago

Text

CPA update (30th August 2019)

I did not plan to write this this evening but I needed to get this out somewhere.

I know I haven’t been very present online and I can only apologise for that but as you can imagine things have been quite challenging since being admitted. I had my first CPA so I thought I would make a little post to help me begin to process it/get some thoughts down....(warning: very long post ahead, snacks may be necessary, and I am sorry if it does not read well/make much sense, I literally just typed my heart out)

For those who are not sure of what one is, a CPA is basically a care plan review where your treatment team review the past few weeks/months (time since the last review) and then start to plan the next stages of your care. It is a chance for different members of your treatment to meet and make sure that everyone is on the same page. Today my CPA consisted of my consultant, one of the nursing staff from the ward, the OP ED nurse I was seeing before I came in, myself and my parents. The first half of the review was just between professionals, I was then called into the room for a discussion followed by my parents nearer the end.

It is hard to remember what I have shared online so I am sorry if some of the things I mention do not make sense but I will try to cover most of what happened. I had my ward round on Thursday (due to the bank holiday weekend just gone), in which a lot of new ideas were brought to the table as, well, no one really knows what to do with me… A week or so ago I wrote a letter to my consultant as I was beginning to worry about what the plan was for when I was discharged (as it was being implied that I was to be discharged over the next few weeks)/that my community team were not replying to any messages and that I was concerned about going back home to live at my parents house.

My main worries with returning home were mainly because it is a place where I have been unwell for many years and I find that when I go back there it is almost like anorexia snaps back without me realising it/I can’t control it. Sadly due to being unwell at home for years, I do associate home with bad things, I also do not currently have no goals or things to be working towards (i.e. I have no education to go back to, no job lined up or thought about to go back to) and the worry is that I would be going back home to just anorexia and relapsing backwards. Throw into the mix that my mum retired last week, as well as the family dynamics always being quite rocky (along with being geographically being incredibly socially isolated), I think it is fair to say that I was extremely worried about the prospect of home leave let alone moving back home permanently and with very limited outpatient support.

A long story short, my consultant agrees that going back home is likely not going to help me move on/recover/give me a chance of living a life beyond this, however she also does not believe that staying in an acute EDU will help (which I do understand). In terms of why she thinks that being on the unit for longer might not help include that my weight has not been reaching the targets that are expected, I am struggling on leave/when I get given more control, as well as the usual pitfalls of being on an EDU like being trapped around a lot of other acutely unwell people, having the identity reinforced and the lack of responsibility/it not necessarily coming from me. I floated the idea of going to live in Reading with Andi however she shot me down straight away at that stage saying that I was far too unwell for that…

Anyway, to get to the point, she wants to apply for funding for me to go into residential treatment. This is not something that I know much about, although I do know that getting funding for a place is very very hard and that there are very few places that offer it in the country….from what she explained to me it is a more holistic approach, with the focus on helping you build a life beyond anorexia whilst also supporting you nutritionally. (it sounds far too fairytale-esque for my liking…)She said that as I have had a lot of psychological input and have been under services with very few gaps over the years, that it was obvious that a new approach was needed and that this style might be that. Apparently I have incredible insight/understanding however because the anorexic neural pathways/cognitions have become so strong and rigid, I find it near impossible to force myself to follow through with the theory that I know so well.

I honestly have no idea how I feel right now. I am utterly lost and confused and don’t really know what to do with myself. I feel like no one knows what to do with me/what will help and they are just trying to get rid of me. I want to recover, I really do. My consultant said that it is not that I don’t want to or don’t have motivation, but that it is the degree of severity of the illness and the complexity of my case, which kind of helped but also left me feeling very broken and hopeless.

She tried to explain all of this to my parents today and I am actually relieved that she was able to speak to them about it as there is no way that I would have been able to approach the subject. She explained it in scientific terms and tried to be realistic about the whole process (which could likely take months to apply for funding, let alone get on the waiting list/pass assessments).

My OP team are apparently supportive of this and are going to work together with the IP team, my consultant and the therapist I was seeing as an OP to put together a proposal for the CCG. Sadly, as I have mentioned this is going to be quite a lengthy process and I don’t really know where it leaves me…If this were not being explored then I would be getting discharged to the same very minimal support that I have had over the past x years, which has not been enough in the past.

So what now? Good question. Basically I have been told that I have to “prove” to the CCG that I am not just in need of an acute EDU admission and that the funding would not be going to waste…this means that I have to show that I can maintain my weight in the community (or gain if possible) as if I were to relapse they would likely just say that I need an acute admission and refuse the funding, leaving me back at square one.

This admission was never going to be a long one, I knew that, but part of me was hoping for a bit longer…I suppose it has brought to the surface the necessity for a different approach to be explored, which I hope means something. Basically my admission can’t be extended, that has been made clear, and I now have a discharge date for two weeks time…with little to no idea of time length beyond that in regards to this talk of residential.

I honestly don’t know what to think or how to feel right now, I really don’t. Part of me thinks that they are making a big fuss over nothing and that there is no way that I will get funding as there are so many people out there with far worse scenarios than mine who need it more. At least I have a home to go to, I know there are many people who dont, so I should really just suck it up and try and do what I can at home with the support that I have.

I have no idea what the residential would entail practically but I am worried that it could end up feeding into my eating disorder even more? I know the reason for the admission would be to help me build a life beyond anorexia, but surely being stuck in a place like that almost reinforces that identity? I dont know, I am very confused about everything right now :(

Short term plan: I have an appointment set up with the ED nurse I am to see in the community for Monday morning and have been given a bit of extra leave this weekend to make it possible for me to attend. When I return to the ward on Monday afternoon I will be moving onto transition and have been promised that I will have a number of appointments with the dietitian over my last two weeks in order to create a realistic maintenance plan for when I go home (as well as trying to get my mum to attend an appointment with the two of us). I am also trying to get an appointment for my mum to come to a family therapy session (they have pretty much written off my dad as someone who can be supportive for a number of reasons which I do not want to go into right now) Being on transition hopefully will give me a bit of an opportunity to self-cater some meals and practice before I move back home for the foreseeable future.

It all feels very rushed and uncertain and I was not expecting to get this much leave this weekend so don’t really know what to do with myself but yeah I suppose this is where things are at. The ward has been quite a tricky environment so on the one hand I am glad to have some space, however Im also worried about it too.

I am sorry, I realise that this whole post probably comes across as extremely selfish and stupid - I wish I could shake myself/pull myself together and just do what I know I need to do but whywhywhy do I keep ending up back in the same place time and time again? I have tried so bloody hard over the past x years but it has never been enough….I do not want to end up being sent to a unit where I will spend months/my consultant briefly mentioned that admissions are usually between 1 and 2 years long…I really dont. but I dont know what else to do with myself when so many options have been explored. I am tired of it all, of everything. It is like I dont know where to turn anymore. Part of me feels like I am just getting palmed off from place to the next because no body knows what to do with me. sigh. I am sorry for throwing this pity party. I wish I had some more positive news to share with you all. I suppose yes I have made some progress since I was admitted. I have gained weight. I am no longer in as much danger as I was. I have had to face a lot of changes in terms of routines, eating different foods, times, I can think a little clearer, I have more concentration etc. Things are just very hard at the moment and having everything in terms of my treatment thrown up in the air like this has made me feel even more unsettled and uncertain about everything. I have no idea what the next few weeks/months may hold so for now I am going to have to continue to take each day as it comes and see where it takes me. Sorry again for the ridiculous length of this post, you genuinely deserve a gold medal if you have stuck with me through this.

#personal #tw #tw just in case #long post #I am sorry for being so rubbish and not updating or posting much #things havent been very good #and I am struggling more than I care to admit #thank you for sticking by me though #you have no idea how much it means to me #sorry if this does not make sense

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kinktae · 5 years ago

Note

kinktae? i think you meant the sweetest & loveliest person ever 🥺💞💓

Anonymous said: rose deserves all the love and more rt if you agree 🤠

(warning: oodles of precious and dear anons under the cut)

yooniversus said: i faqing luv u (hehe get it) 💕💕💕🥺💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕🥺💕❤️💫💕💫💜💕💜💕💜💕💕💜💕💜💜💜💜 ok soddy i was just bored

Anonymous said: i dont usually interact with fic writers but ur work is out of this world!!!!! the way you write dialogue makes it seem casual and natural flowing like how you would talk to a friend :)) connecting to the main character has never been a challenge for me, but with your writing its like i am the character instead of just some reader. i hope that you never stop writing as long as it brings you joy, and that this message makes you smile (even just a lil' bit) luv u!!

worldclasscassy said: i am so geeked over ur writing 🥰🥺

Anonymous said: uwu punch me daddy

Anonymous said: ur deada$$ one of the best writers on here, i don’t make the rules sis 🙈

into1995 said: heelo! sending all my love! 🥰 you have such a beautiful soul, please take care! we are here for you always. 💕

dejayoon said: take your time lovey! you deserve a break💜

Anonymous said: imagine waking up every day knowing ur rose...PHEW!! wish i could be that lucky 😪😪

lovesic-eunoia said: hey, sweetie. i know your anxiety has been making you feel like crAP and i'm here to tell you that it really does get better❤️, there's always gonna things that make you wanna quit trying to get better, but don't give up. anxiety doesn't rule your life, you do. i wish you the best through all of the ups and downs. you're a precious piece of life. much love ❤️❤️

Anonymous said: I love you

Anonymous said: saw u on my dash and my heart went lub dub

Anonymous said: I hope you take some time to yourself and enjoy hiatus! We love you!

evilkookie said: Your health is way more important than anything!! I wish only good and positive things for you and you feel better, take as long as you need for your Hiatus 💝💝

Anonymous said: I dont know if I'm late but take care of yourself bby! Health always comes first and I hope you'll be enjoying your time outside of tumblr! Will miss you but love you so much bby! -Bunny

miss-peys said: Hope all is well! I myself had to take a step back from school because my mental health was terrible! Hope everything is going okay in your personal life! Can’t wait for you to come back to tumblr, but please come back when YOU feel ready not because others want you to come back! Sending positive vibes your way! Can’t wait for you come back💜💜💜💜

Anonymous said: Rose my darling dearest I just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you and I hope you’re doing well 💜💫☁️

Anonymous said: hi jared ilu xoxoxo

Anonymous said: I love u and I hope ur taking care of yourself and staying hydrated!!

googie-kook said: How are you doing lovely? Miss you loads and hope you’re feeling better! Love from London! 🇬🇧 💓💓💓💓💓

Anonymous said: hi bby! im just coming in to tell you i love you! and you are loved!! and i hope youre taking good care of yourself and doing all those good things to keep yourself happy and healthy!! and im super excited for your spooky fic soon! sending you nothing but the best !!!❤❤❤

Anonymous said: i’m really happy that you’re taking a mental break from social media(tumblr). i had to do that a couple days ago and it really helps. anyways hope you get better and you take time to heal yourself. i love youuuuu🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

Anonymous said: Ur meat is huge, keep going.

Anonymous said: how are you being doing rose? hope you're well

hyzzzan said: I'm glad you're still here 🥰💜

Anonymous said: You are so good and such a cute human bean oof (are we still saying ‘oof’?) it’s really frustrating cause I can’t make u feel the intensity with which I mean it. You are so so so so good, your stories just hit different. Like next level shit. Your characters, stories, yo skills I swear if only I was half as good as you are at writing maybe I would be able to make u feel the intensity of my feelings.. I hope writing these masterpieces brings you as much joy as reading them does to me💕💕

Anonymous said: Your stories are soooo good! I am in love with them.

Anonymous said: I MISSED YOU. seeing the "hiatus" taken off your blog just made me so happy. I hope you're good 🖤 happy Halloween 🦇

Anonymous said: I'm rereading all your fics and I keep falling in love with your writing. Thank you for quality content. Also, I hope you're doing good!

Anonymous said: Hi love! I'm so so sooooooo happy you're back! Hope you had a great break and noe you're feeling better. But take your time with writing, exams come first. I still can't wait to read your new stuff tho! (On a side note, we already talked in private but I'm still shy, sorry) ♥️♥️

Anonymous said: Hi omg are you back?? I missed you 🥺

Anonymous said: rose ur writing is insanely good and whenever im having a ton of anxiety i read ur writing to calm me down so tysm for being the best ever

lorengarcia-yut

said: You're BACK! I'm so happy you're back! I really hope you are feeling good and happy. Just wanted to send you a lil welcome back message with a little love

monohoed said: Hey, hope you been feeling better? I love everything you’ve written so far and just wanted to let you know! I’ve struggled w mental health myself and I empathise ♥️♥️

sydney--chan said: I fr think I might die when you post a fic again like no cap ive missed you and your writing so mUCH🥺🥺🥺

Anonymous said: so heyyy idk how to say it buttt ily~~ ★☆~

Anonymous said: hihi rose ilu sm and i hope ur doing well, pls take care of urself bb 🥺🥺💜

Anonymous said: .........you are like so beautiful

Anonymous said: HEY IM WUV U AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!! 💕💕 I love all your work and I hope the best for you!!!

Anonymous said: ummm ma’am??? you are so beautiful and I am so gay??????

Anonymous said: I followed you on twitter and you are pretty, funny, kind, and creative. Biggest friend crush uwu

Anonymous said: Omg you should be a model. You're so gorgeous, I'm jealous. If I ever met you in real life, my self-esteem will go down. But I love you too much girl 💕

mazeyoongi said: i haven't had much time or interest in reading fics lately because i am so busy between work & college, but every time you post a new story i HAVE to read it. no natter how busy i am or what is going on, i always read your new fics. they are ALWAYS so so so amazing and you manage to keep my interest from beginning to end no matter who or what it may be based on. thank you for giving us such wonderful work. you're amazing! 💓

Anonymous said: You're so pretty I- TAKE MY HEART PLIS I MIGHT JUST MAKE A TWITTER ACCOUNT FOR YOU 🥺🥺😩😩 -Bunny

Anonymous said: wtf the twitter video, jeezus you are freaking stunning

Anonymous said: you‘re so pretty lemme suck your dick, it‘s only fair

Anonymous said: low key your facial structure is like perfect?? i'm kinda jealous?? luv u b

charlie-hatsune said: JUST FOLLOWED YOUR TWITTER AND YOU'RE SUPER PRETTY!!!

dazedaurora said: okay but like how tf is everyone around here so pretty?! you're an absolute doll 💖

i-want-to-bite-your-head-off said: I haven't been on here in a WHILE but hi hope you're doing well and ily uwu

sapphireprinces5 said: Hello!! I just wanted you to know I really love all (and I mean ALL) of your stories. I really want to be a better reader for all of you amazing writers who share their art with us. With so many authors leaving, I really want to do my part better! So, you will definitely see more from me when you update!! Excited to see what you have in store for us ❤️

Anonymous said: Omg hi lovely!!! I just wanted to tell u that you are a precious human being and I hope u know that

ktgguk said: uwu I hope you had a lovely day, don’t forget to drink plenty of water 🧸💗 keep being amazing at what you do!!!

Anonymous said: You’re so consistent through your work and everything you write is a phenomenal masterpiece! I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how do you manage to always get such a high word count per chapter. That probably sounds so dumb and I’m sorry if this wastes your time.

Anonymous said: I LOVE U SO MUCH THANK U FOR ALL UR HARD WORK IN UR WRITING AAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

justaregularcrazyfangirl said: So, hm... It's not an ask but i just read what you said about my little review and i just wanted to say that you managed to make me blush 😆 (urgh i'm not used to do this and it shows !) Anyways, i'm happy you found my review interesting 💜 I hope you have a nice day ~ "You nice, keep going" ! (And that's my cue to go and hide somewhere !)

Anonymous said: you're an amazing writer!!!

Anonymous said: pls rose u deserve ALL the love in this universe

Anonymous said: Ma’am!! We are your friends!!! That post was SO CUTE!!! Love U!! My heart is full of love and appreciation for your cute self

Anonymous said: I love you

Anonymous said: i love your stories for one, always have ever since I found you 🥺 you give me most of my inspiration to write and let my creativity flow but it’s so dang hard actually putting the words I want on the pAGE BENDK

Anonymous said: Do you ever read your own fics and be like "Damnnn I'm good"

Anonymous said: Oh are you sick 😥 Get well soon 💜

Anonymous said: Omg you speak French too?!! Is there anything you can’t do?!?! You’re such a smart girl 😭🤧💕

Anonymous said: I think you’re really cool and I wish I could be your friend. ❤️

Anonymous said: 💜💜💜 Hey love, idk if you've already deleted the app or it'll get barried in the inevitable avalanche of asks you're about to receive but I hope you can feel the love I'm sending your way nonetheless. You're my favorite writer and there's so question, i'll be here when you get back. Take as much time as you need and I'm very proud of you for taking the necessary steps to get better. That alone takes strength. I wish you the best of luck. -🌻

Anonymous said: Life is a pendulum between your fics and your ficsrec

Anonymous said: just wanted to slide in here to say i dont really like smutty stories, but damn yours be hittin different and im obsessed, so thank u for sharing ur work with us 🥰🥰

Anonymous said: hi! i’m a reader of your work and well, I completely understand where you’re coming from. exactly. 100%. so you take your time and love yourself like you know you deserve to. I support you!

bugznot said: whenever you decide to come back we’ll be ready with open arms. remember you are powerful but you can only take so much. breaks are necessary and important and i hope you are kind to yourself in this time

Anonymous said: Leaving this message for when you’ll come back: I hope you finally start to love yourself back, you take chances cause you believe in yourself and your abilities, you leap blindly because you have faith in yourself and you know where you stand. I hope you have learnt to love yourself, to demand more of others and you for yourself, because you are worth it. I hope you come back, rejuvenated and free of all those schemes that bring you down. Love you 💕

Anonymous said: Saw your most recent post and wanted to say that I hope you feel better soon. I understand how tough it is when it feels like you’re living a lie, but not to minimize your experience, I’m sure it’ll pass and you’ll feel more comfortable with yourself. We all love you here and are patiently awaiting your return. If you celebrate it, happy holidays! Hopefully it won’t be stressful for you and you get some time to relax! 💕

Anonymous said: take as much time as you need & don’t feel like you HAVE to write just because there are people waiting for updates. your real life & health always comes first but pls know that we’ll be here for you & only want the best for you. We’ll be patiently waiting for you & understand your struggles (or at least I do 🙃). pls keep your friends around you, stay in good surroundings with positive vibes & take care of yourself (& your dog aw). sending all the love to you!!!

peachishiz said: Hey Rose my love Dw u don’t gotta answer just popping in to say I love u so much and I hope ur doing good and stuff 🌸💕

Anonymous said: hi bby, i just wanted to say that i can’t truly say ik what you’re going through, bc every circumstance is different, but i really relate to you & what you’re going through. i teared up a bit bc i’ve had the similar thoughts & feelings (and i still do) but i think being open & vulnerable about it is the first step (& hardest) so i just wanna day i’m proud of you 🥺 i wish i let you know more how much i love and appreciate your fics, but i hope the time you take for yourself is healing 💜 Luv -⭐️

Anonymous said: Hope no matter where you go or what you'll do, you'll be happy with it. Lots of love and best of luck ❤️❤️❤️

Anonymous said: dude honestly , taking that step to take care of yourself makes me extremely proud and i dont even know like that. When i first moved to Miami i think i felt similar to how you do , i held a lot of resentment for myself and the life i led and its a sentiment i dont wish on the worst of my enemies. Im sorry you feel that way , but you know you have the strength to pull yourself out of your slump , and that's quite the feat on its own. Good luck and i hope happiness finds you soon. - A.L.Á

Anonymous said: heeeeey, I hope you take lots of care during ur hiatus. Stay hydrated, eat some tasty food, make yourself a priority, reach out for help when you need to, and life is like a minecraft house, sometimes it gets burned down, sometimes it gets attacked but in the end you always have the opportunity to rebuild something new, that makes you happy and satisfied. u rock, u r wonderful and amazing, ily

Anonymous said: Hi! Just wanted to say that your writing is brilliant. It’s okay to be going through a tough time. I’m proud of you for recognizing that you need a break and taking one. The year is almost over: it’s the perfect time for a lifestyle change or a new beginning. Do what you need to do. We’ll still be here. Love you!

Anonymous said: You’re doing great sweetie! Keep going ♥️♥️

Anonymous said: im not sure if you still have the app or not or if you'll ever see this but i love you 💓 & i know idk you but to see you taking steps toward loving yourself is so beautiful ! im still on that journey myself 🤷🏽‍♀️ & it gets hard but you gave me some newfound energy just now. good luck !

Anonymous said: I am so proud of you. You’re so brave for accepting the fact that you are not okay, and doing something to turn that around. Now you’re walking the path towards betterment. I won’t wish for you to not fall back into that hole, but that when you do, I hope you come out faster and stronger every time. You made my life a thousand times better through your works, I hope through this hiatus, you’ll be able to do that for yourself. I am rooting for you ❤️

sydney--chan said: Hi babie🥺 please take all the time you need for yourself. I am proud of you for taking a step back and realizing you needed change. You are very strong and I cant wait for you to come back better than ever:)

Anonymous said: Ah, baby! Just the fact that you opened up and came with this decision shows that deep inside you care for yourself and you are also really brave. YOU ARE inspirational, your friends aren't lying. So many of us can't stop being stagnant and that's ok too. But you, you are doing so much and you are handling this better than you see it yourself. You are mature enough to see that things are wrong and that you deserve to heal. Everything that's wrong is going to pass. (1/?)

Anonymous said: And the cloudy days are going to be gone. I believe in you and I hope you believe in yourself as well. Treat yourself like you would treat one of the boys, for ex (I know it sounds silly but... lol). Imagine if they were feeling down and if they made mistakes. Wouldn't you forgive them? Make them see that it is ok? Wouldn't you want to cuddle and take care of them? Treat yourself like that, please. Treat yourself like you deserve to be taken care of, because you do. (2/?)

Anonymous said: Try to date yourself, you know. Take yourself on a date, buy you something nice when you can, try not to tell yourself things you wouldn't tell other person (cuz I know you are the kindest to people). And it is ok if somedays you can't handle things the best way, but you're just human and it is okay. Allow yourself to be imperfect. We are all trying hard in this life and we are all making mistakes. I am proud of you for trying. Keep trying to be better for yourself. You are precious and (3/4)

Anonymous said: I hope everything gets better for you as soon as possible. We are cheering you up, also while you're on hiatus. Come back whenever you feel like it and don't feel pressured to please others. YOU are the one who matters here and you're amazing af. We are going miss this bright star that you are but be patient with yourself and take your time. Please, seek a professional and take care of your health. You are lovely and loved. Everything goes, my love ♥♥♥♥ (4/4)

Anonymous said: I love you so damn much❤️

Anonymous said: I'm proud if you, I get that this was a hard decision to take, and you still did it. So, I'm proud of you. You finally understood that you are the n. priority, so please treat yourself like it. Even if you'll be gone for the whole year, I'm still super happy ti hear this. You deserve this, as you said yourself, you deserve the world. I'm sorry to hear that you're not doing good, but I know that you can make it better. Please, remember that you're not on your own: ask for help if you need it. Ily

lorengarcia-yut said: I just read your post and I just want let you know that we support you! Your health comes first, please take all the time you need. I feel for you, cause in a way I understand. Please take of your self! May God bless your life cause it’s gonna get better. Keep going, don’t ever give up, and please keep pushing. You deserve better than what you’re going through. Bless your heart ❤️

Anonymous said: 🌹 I don’t know if you will see this but I completely understand what you are going through. I have depression and social anxiety, and it’s so hard for me to get out of bed in the morning to go to school in a city where I don’t know anyone. I just want you to know that I will always support you and I hope that this time away will help to clear your mind of some negativity and bring you into a new year with hopefully brighter days 💜✨☀️

minigalixies said: i hope you come back feeling better, love ♡ so proud of you making the decision to put YOU first !! it’s a hard, but VERY important, decision that i hope benefits you sO MUCH !! i look forward to seeing your new posts when you feel better mentally + physically !! ♥️

Anonymous said: I hope this break provides you with everything you need. I hope life in general gets easier for you, you deserve it my love. Your mental health is way more important than providing us with content. Please take care of yourself, we'll be here for you if/when you decide to come back. I love you.

Anonymous said: hello im here to state a fact: your writing is perfect

moonchild-love-letter said: Hi, how are you? I hope you're okay. Actually, I hope you're better than okay, I hope you've been eating well, sleeping well, and spending your days chasing your bliss. Your writing is a piece of art, whenever I finish a chapter I always feel so happy and blessed to have found your blog. I hope that happiness returns to you ten folds. I hope your days are filled with love. Thank you for sharing your work. Thank you.

Anonymous said: BABY ROSE YOURE BACK!!!!! I’m ready to spend my 2020 supporting your 10/10 writing and you on your life journey. GONNA SMOTHER YOU WITH KINDNESS AND LOVE 🥰🥰

Anonymous said: i admire u so much for being confident enough to put ur mental health first. school causes me so much stress and anxiety and makes me slip back into my depression so fast. i look up to u so much. im glad ur doing what makes u happy. 🥺

Anonymous said: HAPPY NEW YEAR BBY 💙💙 YOU WERE LITERALLY THE FIRST FEW BLOGS I FOLLOWED AND YOU GOT ME INT HE FEELS SO MANY TIMES AND YOUR THEMES ARE AMAZING AND YOURE AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU YOU SMOL BBY -Bunny

tinievmin said: Okay so you’re my internet older sister now!!! Wow this is so cute 🥺🥺 Take care of your health, eat well, drink water, sleep, and be kind to yourself this year!!! Sending u love!!

Anonymous said: U ARE A BABY 😩😩😩😩😩😩

Anonymous said: WT FFFFFFF ROSE HAPPY NEW YEAR 🌟 u are backkkkk i miss u little bby 🤧💕

Anonymous said: While they say that army’s are toxic, i think I’ve never found so many people sharing one common interest with such an awareness and consciousness about complex concepts like loving yourself. I like to think that BTS deconstructed the cliché of “love yourself” into something more complex and difficult that u would pursue in life bravely, even through struggles, and not just a quote u find on aesthetic pillows. And I think you’re doing just that too with your stories and your journey. thank you💕

Anonymous said: hello! i'm a returning bts writer and so glad to see find you on here still!! i remember reading one of your earliest fics i love you

Anonymous said: You’re so talented!!

Anonymous said: hello miss rose how are you today? I thought id just come over to say hi and i love you so much you beautiful human being. I hope you and your little fur babies are doing well!💜💜💜💜

Anonymous said: hey, idk if you'll even see this, but i just wanted to say i'm in love with all of your fics. i don't even have a tumblr account, i just come to your page from google to read your stuff and see if you're doing well😳 i could say more but that robot verification keeps running out, so hope 2020 treats you well and you're an amazing writer!

pocketfullofsuga said: hey I checked who im following and it said you are one of my favorite tumblrs I mean they aint wrong though bby

Anonymous said: JUST WANTED TO SAY ILYILYILY AND I HOPE THAT THE NEW DECADE IS TREATING YOU WELL EVEN THO WE ONLY FOUR DAYS IN. ILY, STAY HEALTHY, LOVE YOURSELF. k bye 🥺🤍🕊🥰

#so #I just really really want to take the moment and apologize for not responding to so many asks #this year #as u can tell by reading this past #had been kind of a whirlwind #and im so so grateful and humbled rereading all these asks #u guys really are my friends #above all #and im so just brimming with love #genuine love and appreciate for you all #thank u #I love u guys #Anonymous

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companionjones · 6 years ago

Text

The Hopper, The Harringtons, And The Hargroves

Requested by: @rachelcarroll1819

Requests:

Could i get a imagine where the reader is the sister of steve Harrington and in a relationship with Billy hargrove and my character is just as close to the party as steve but she a little closer to el and max please and thank you

Could you do a imagine where the reader is the twin sister of steve harrington and in a relationship with Billy hargrove and my character is just as close to the kids as steve but closer with el and max please and thank you if you dont do stranger things can you do a imagine where the reader is the twin sister of barry allen and in a relationship with Leonard snart she has fire powers please

Fandom: Stranger Things

Pairings: Billy Hargrove x Fem!Harrington!Reader, Sibling!Steve Harrington x Fem!Harrington x Reader, Friends!Jane Hopper x Fem!Harrington!Reader x Max Hargrove

Warnings: Cursing

*******

Living in Hawkins, Indiana was more dangerous than one would’ve thought. That would be especially true if one was friends with the people you were friends with. Actually, it was the kids you were friends with. You were in high school, but you spent the majority of your time with middle-schoolers. To anyone looking in from the outside, you would seem pretty lame. However, you kind of had to stay with those kids because with what they got up to, they really needed someone to look after them.

Luckily, you weren’t the only almost-adult in the group for long. Your brother, Steve Harrington, soon joined you and your ‘party.’ He was a lot more reluctant than yourself, but through an objectively hilarious series of events, it was so.

When you met Billy Hargrove, you didn’t want a repeat of your brother. The life you, your sibling, and those kids lead was extremely unsafe. The last thing you wanted was someone else you cared about getting roped into you and your friends’ shenanigans.

You really did care about Billy. The Hargrove was charming, obviously very attractive, and he was so polite to you.

Unfortunately, the one downside of it all was Steve. Billy hadn’t been very nice to your brother, and though the blonde did try to make amends with Steve after meeting you, Steve still had trouble with letting the water flow under the bridge.

One night, you were getting ready for a date with Billy, your then boyfriend of over a month, and you had Jane and Max over to help you put a nice outfit together.

Jane smiled upon seeing you in your dress. “Very pretty.”

Max smirked, “Yeah, you look hot. It sucks you’re wasting this on my brother.”

Giggling, you play scolded the red-head. “Max, be nice. Your brother’s sweet.”

She rolled her eyes. “Well, now he’s sweet because of you.”

You tried your best to hide your blush.

“He’s almost here,” Jane informed. It would’ve been an out-of-nowhere statement, but you and Max knew that was just how Jane was.

As you walked toward the front door, Billy knocked for the first time.

He failed to hide his smile upon seeing you. “Stunning as always.”

“Same to you, you handsome man.” Again, you were giggling.

Jane loved watching the flirting. She was showing her biggest smile you’d seen from her in a while.

Max felt the same, but she tried not to show it. Though her lips were curved up, she complained, “Oh, come on you guys. Get out of here.”

Billy chuckled, “Why don’t you get out of here, huh?”

“What the hell is this?”

Oh, no. Since Steve had such a problem with being friendly to Billy, you and the Hargrove decided not to tell your brother when you started going out with the blonde. Max and Jane knew the secret, too, along with who it was to be kept from. Needless to say, it was a problem when Steve showed up at the top of the stairs. You didn’t know he had been home.

“Steve! Hey!” You tried your best to sound disarming.

He was obviously still pissed. “No, don’t you ‘Hey Steve’ me. How long have you been lying to me? How long has this been going on?”

“Over a month,” you cautiously murmured.

It was as if your twin had just learned the most controversial, stunning, and life-changing news yet to have been conceived. After a few exasperated breaths, and after he tried to angrily say something but couldn’t, Steve stormed out of the living room. Everyone else could hear his bedroom door slam shut.

Billy asked after a moment too long of silence, “You think we should’ve told him about us?”

“Yeah,” you sighed. Suddenly there was more than one exasperated person in the house. “Yeah, we should’ve, Hargrove.” Then, you addressed Jane and Max. “I’m gonna go talk to him. You two watch blondie for a while, okay?”

Jane attentively nodded, but Max groaned, “I’ve been watching him since I was old enough to see him!”

Chuckling at the red-head’s complaints, you made your way upstairs. “Hey, Harry McPhee.” You didn’t let Steve feelings toward you in that moment affect your ongoing tradition of making fun of his overly styled hair. “...Come on, let me in,” you encouraged, a little softer. You rested your head against his door, and waited.

He opened it a few seconds later. You walked in, and he shut the door behind you. For a long time, the two of you stood in silence.

“So, am I going to be the first to say something, or are you?” you audaciously questioned into the quiet.

He shrugged passively. “Well, I’m not saying anything.” His tone was stony.

Rolling your eyes, and taking a big sigh, you decided not to bring up the fact that what he had just said was saying something. Anyway, you licked your lips, and stated, “He’s a nice guy, Steve. He’s not like he was.”

Your brother scoffed, “Yeah, right.”

Again, you rolled your eyes. You playfully pushed your brother. “Yeah, right,” you repeated with more of a joking tone than Steve had. You then decided to annoy him for a little bit. “Billy holds doors for me, buys me flowers, kisses me so beautifully--”

“Ah-ah-ah! Stop it! Shut up!” he shouted, his hands covering his ears.

Once you calmed yourself down from laughing so hard, you realized that you and your brother had moved to the floor. Both your backs were against the side of his bed.

Steve’s next words took you by surprise. He mumbled, “So, he’s good to you?”

A smile couldn’t help but spread across your cheeks. “Yeah, Steve. He is. He really is.”

For another few moments, Steve was quiet again. Then, “Okay.”

“Really?” you inquired, eyebrows raised, legitimately surprised.

He nodded, “Yeah. You can date him, Y/n.”

“Well, I was already dating him,” you quickly skimmed past, “but thank you!” You brought Steve in for a tight hug before getting up and running back downstairs.

In the living room, you found Max whisper-yelling at Billy as she tried to retie his tie. Jane was off to the side, trying her best to hold in her giggles. Apparently, Max didn’t approve of how her brother fixed his necktie.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Calm down. Comer here,” you motioned the tall blonde over to you. When Billy was within reach, your tried your turn at tying.

Max seemed to like your version of it.

Jane, who had just learned the thumbs-up motion, gave you double the sentiment.

As you finished with his tie, Billy asked you, “What did Steve say?”

“I said ‘You better not hurt her.’” Steve had suddenly showed up in the entrance of his and your living room. “Understood?”

Billy nodded seriously, “Understood, Harrington.”

Steve took steps toward your boyfriend. “Better be, Hargrove.” Your brother shook his hand. “Better be.”

“Yeah, okay...Remember guys, I’m the one with a boyfriend here...,” you suspiciously drawled, glancing between the two boys, and their prolonged handshake. “Anyway, sorry to tell you this, Stevie.” You quickly took your boyfriend’s hand, and headed for the door. “But can you watch the girls until I get back? I sorta told their parents they’d be sleeping over tonight. Oh, and could you also check on Will and the rest of the boys? They’re all over Mike’s tonight, and his parents and Nancy are out for the night. I should be back by twelve. Love you, bye!” You slammed the door in his face. You only felt half bad that you left your brother with what seemed like all the responsibilities in the world. You and Billy raced off to his car, only stopping for a minute to make out before taking off into the night.

*******

Author’s Note: Thank you for reading! Fill up that heart and reblog if you liked it! If you would like to read more, I have more fics on Stranger Things over on my page, along with other fics on other fandoms. You should go check it out. Also, REQUESTS ARE OPEN. I take requests for one-shots, multi-chapters, headcannons, and preferences. No smut, please. I write for a variety of fandoms. If you’re wondering if I write for a specific fandom, please ask me. Have a nice day, night, or whatever time it is for you.<3

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leftnipsdoodles · 5 years ago

Photo

also i think i finally grew the brain to be able to put into words why i hate narration boxing: bc its basically like having two different movies going at the same time.

you have a character who’s fighting off 12 guys so you’re looking at the panels and seeing the action, only to then be taken OUT of the action bc of the narration boxes.

the reason i keep saying ‘it worked for hellblazer and that’s where it should’ve stayed’ is bc hellblazer was never abt the action (i mean. towards the end it was. but hellblazer had a huge dip in quality at a certain point anyway lol). hellblazer didnt show you a picture of john fighting someone while the narration boxes talked abt his depression. hellblazer gave you john having his depression and then narrating it. the narration and the ‘action’ went TOGETHER. when john talks abt how cows will walk towards a body in the grass, he does so while there’s a body in the grass. which might sound lame in theory, but in reality, is just how storytelling should be handled and also it never FEELS lame. the narration boxes - his thoughts - are about what’s happening on screen. he digresses sometimes and over-analyzes and all that, but that’s his personality.

also, it wasnt used as much as you’d think! it depended on the writer ofc and again, after a while, hellblazer became more of a spin-off of itself if that makes sense so it became more used... but in general, there were a lot of times where you’d go pages and pages without a single narration box. but, tbf, even in hellblazer the narration boxing became too much sometimes. but, again, it was in-character. john constantine was a guy who was stuck in his own head. who could always count on ruining his own life. so when the narration got too much, when you got sick of hearing his thoughts, it was still in line with what you were reading and how you’re supposed to understand john.

anyway, to illustrate, i uploaded those pages: pages 1 and 2 are of the family man arc in hellblazer (sry for late arrival spoilers?) and imo it shows how to use narration boxing perfectly. these pages are AFTER the big fight. DURING the fight, there were no narration boxes. there was dialogue (and in this particular case, flashbacks. but even those were worked into it in such a way that it lead back to dialogue. you’ll have to trust me on this lol) page 3 is of the first new lobo issue which got the narration boxing right as well. there’s a bit of characterizing chit-chat from lobo while we’re waiting to get to the action; then his narration is worked into the action we’re seeing (and even cleverly subverts our expectations). it’s nice. it’s definitely not how most of the issue went tho, unfortunately. then pages 4 and 5 are of the new lobo series proper, and my bad examples. page 4 literally has one panel dedicated to rushing through the fighting action and then on TOP of that, the narration boxes are literally lobo talking abt something only slightly related (while also only giving you vague information abt it. ceremonial daggers, alright. given in peace times to remind you peace doesnt last? ok? are we ever gonna go into the cultural implications of this? no? alright. also then you waste two narration boxes on making a quip that carries no information whatsoever, not even characterization, bc we’ve heard him quip before. alrighty then.) page 5 has the same problem of taking away from the fight that’s happening on screen, but it also, again, uses narration boxes for NO reason. ‘can’t fret over it right now’ ‘i’ve got more pressing issues’. yes. we can SEE that. there was no reason to write this out. it’s a case of ‘tell, don’t show’ and its bad. its why very old comics are so hard to read, bc usually they would bombard you with text thats literally just telling you whats happening right now. the narration boxes need to ACCOMPANY the visuals, not make them irrelevant or be completely irrelevant to them. (the first two narration boxes in that page are excused bc a page earlier, the kid in question showed her tech expertise and it affected the fight that’s happening, plus it’s a hand-wavey way of explaining why she is and will be the tech guy throughout the next few issues. so that’s fine. the last two are justified too but im on the fence abt them anyway just bc the info we get from them is nill. we already know lobo’s not happy with the situation. in general, i think everything said in the narration boxes here could be worked into the story either visually or through actual dialogue)

SO.

overall, narration boxes are used more as a cop-out nowadays. it lets you tell your audience your character’s entire personality and deep characterizations without having to work up to them. it lets you basically write down their bio while also having the plot happen. it leads to ‘lazy’ writing, meaning: stories that don’t seem to have a real character arc (for the protagonist at least). i couldn’t tell you new lobo’s character development bc honestly i dont think there was any. he was presented to us on a silver platter. we didnt have to follow his story to get to know him. which, in turn, left a very weak impression. it’s like the difference of a metalhead friend you’ve known for 5 years telling you they secretly love knitting, and coming across someone’s tinder profile stating ‘i love metal and knitting’.

anyway if you’re still reading this you’re a weeniehead

#me writing 300000 words on a very easy to understand concept: omg youre still reading this?? get a life weeniehead #delete later #steroid comics #i also like how my conclusion is a completely different point from what i started with lfmao #but both points i made stand true.

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oddmerit · 3 years ago

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twitter is by far the worst social media site i am on, not design- or culture-wise (although you could argue that) but just by sheer virtue of what scrolling does to my brain. i don't even mean doomscrolling because i try to make sure my feeds are curated to prevent that, but for me, it is SO easy to get sucked into a tunnel of scrolling people's accounts when i dont follow them. i have like, a dozen or so people who i dont follow but i keep up with their posts daily by going to their page, and then those dozen people have 3 or 4 OTHER people who they interact with that i also look at the pages of, so i dont even spend the majority of my time on my feed, its other people's accounts i waste the most time on

i KNOW the easy solution to this is "just block them" and i SHOULD bc its a coin flip whether or not what they post will make me think "SO true bestie" or "what the fuck are you talking about, i think you're just projecting and/or making up a guy and you should re-evaluate your priorities" but the fact that the quality of their posts is so volatile and the fact that they are so adamant they are correct keeps me in their thrall. also it doesnt help that twitter has a very easy way to simply read the posts of people you have blocked anyways. its like peoplewatching except worse and i dont know how to stop

i'd like to transition back to using tumblr primarily but like, actually using it like a blogging website where i post writing and art (something i have not done outside of fanart for YEARS) and engaging with other people's writing and art thoughtfully, not just queuing 200 posts every 3 months and silently scrolling my dash and calling it a day. i keep thinking "if i use this or that website better then i will have a more normal relationship with online and start using it less/doing more offline things" but that feels like putting the cart before the horse. once i have my own Actual Website i would like to use it in that way but. coding Hard and html Hurts because i dont want to use squarespace or wix. i want to curate my online time better but that means not using the internet to turn my brain off and thats scary bc i have to find other things to do, not even "productive" shit just making fun zines just for me to look at or whatever. i need more friends and hobbies but its so hard to derive pleasure from being around people and doing things these days

#unidentified gay noise #damn longest post ive made in years. is this journalling #(no its not bc journalling is private but for Brain Reasons nothing i make or write is private so why not share it on my own terms)

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gibbyj · 3 years ago

Text

goodnight and goodbye handsome

7.13.21 / 2:21 am

fuuuuuck i’m high!!’ turns out if you don’t smoke all day you get literally blasted. anyways hahaha, that’s not the point is it?

if you’ve gotten this far, i assume you’re reading this. honestly, i assume you’re reading this anyway. maybe not tonight, or tomorrow, but for some reason you’ll come. in a few days, you’ll visit my page.

here’s the thing, i know why i visit you. i’m in love with you. it’s really that simple. i tell people that, and i think that. deep down, i fear it may not be true. i’m terrified i’ve wasted years of my life craving a fling. and yet, deeper down, i’m drawn to you. i’m trapped in your fucking wave.

that’s a song you told me to listen to. do you remember why we broke up? hahahaha, i guess that’s a dumb question. in this world, everyone genuinely has their own truth. their own steps they’ve walked in this world to get to the version of themselves and their surroundings in their mind. [side note: that’s pretty fucking poetic right? i came up with that in 10 seconds high as a kite, please start writing again? i miss it, the world misses it. what happened to your notebook? ik you have ideas in there]

anybays, here’s my full version of why i genuinely believe you broke up with me. 1) you had a crush on her, and you were attracted to her 2) you were hurt bc i had been in texting him 3) we were fighting a lot 4) we had been getting bored 5) i was kinda petty and a bitch 6) i had been lying to you (and the world) for most of my life 7) i had been intentionally distancing myself and avoiding you 8) i’m SURE things i’m forgetting

i’m sure that’s incomplete, and perhaps incompatible with your version of events. i had also already broken up with you, that was a major factor. i used to point this out to our friends, and anyone who would listen to me, that you followed a similar path. when was the last time you were genuinely single, 14? 15? i don’t point that out to say that you weren’t able to grow, i’ve spent most of my grown life in love. but you always had someone lined up. you didn’t get rid of me until you had someone else to kiss.

i did that too, but i got bored. i really thought you would get bored. and i’m sorry, i wish i didn’t wish that. every part of me wants to have been able to let you go after i had written my first goodbye. but here’s the thing. you responded, quickly. and i’m sorry, im genuinely sorry for all of the times i reached out to you. im sorry for trying to add you on snapchat. im sorry for messaging you when i thought you were trying to talk to me. and im really, really, sorry for blacking out and texting you.

but here’s the, thing. you responded. you respond quickly. why do you check on me? seriously, why? sometimes i think, probably more like hope, you’re here bc i look good in my pictures, bc obviously that’s my intention. but why do you talk to me? and no, you dont. that’s really hard to explain to the people closest to me. no, we don’t talk, he like subtweets me? but i swear i’m not crazy. no really, they’re original posts, what else could they be?

and i dissect them, over and over again. i listen, i think about it, i picture you singing in your car, or smiling with your eyes closed. i think of you in your bed, thinking of me, and i don’t know why. because you don’t talk to me, you don’t seem to like me, and you don’t seem to be unhappy.

i drove past your house tonight. and in my FUCKING defense, it’s an alternative to my gd house, no one seems to understand that it’s literally like not a detour and i get home in the same amount of time. but i really don’t know why i do it. because i’m never happy. it’s never what i want. here’s what i want, i want you walking to your car, and seeing me drive past, i’d wave, slow down, and say hi. and finally ask for a goddamn explanation.

but that’s never going to happen. and i have to accept that. that’s never going to happen. i’m never going to rest my head in your neck, or hold your hand, or kiss you, or hug you, or laugh with you, or sing, or drive, or talk to you ever again. and that makes me so sad.

as i write that, i can feel the blood draining from my arms, and my stomach fell. i will probably go to sleep tonight, and even though i’ll distract myself with cormac mccarthy, i’ll be sad tonight.

my grandmom died on thanksgiving. i’m sure you don’t remember, but she was my best fucking friend. i’m not gonna talk about that, but i bring it up to say that if i’m being honest, my bones feel the same now as they did then.

we’re dead. the glimmer of me that believes in us, that picture going to concerts, seeing you drunk, dancing and laughing and singing and kissing and fucking and driving and watching movies and making jokes and living life together is gone. it’s dead. it has to be dead.

i went to barnes and noble today, and i looked for your car in the parking lot. i went to ocean city, and i scanned the top of the crown looking for your smile. and then i went to hammonton.

i got drinks with an ex tonight, don’t worry it wasn’t you. we have nothing in common, but he’s a good friend to me, and he’s really supportive and is always there for me, which tbh isn’t a common trait among my good friends. we talked, and it was pretty boring, but it was nice. and i asked him wtf you were doing. what it meant. why. if i should drive past your house.

he said no, i shouldn’t. he didn’t understand why i would choose to hurt myself that way. i showed him your page, and he chuckled a little. i dissect your feed, i visit you in the morning and the evening. every original post a message. a reaction or a plea in some way.

he told me i was crazy, which he isn’t wrong about. and the funny thing is, the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. sometimes, i fear i’m just a joke. maybe you guys watch me together, listen to my songs and laugh at the desperation between the lyrics. but, i really don’t think that’s it. you’re better than that. you’re nice, people don’t know that, to be honest you don’t always show that, but you have such a pure heart. and i don’t think you’re that gross.

maybe i’m wrong, and gd if i am gg sis you really found your person. but i don’t think im talking to both of you. i really, really think im talking to you. sometimes, it really feels like im talking to you. like you’re next to me, if i close my eyes, i can almost feel your hands on me.

but, im not. you’re in that deer town, and im in the college court. we’re thirty miles, and three years apart from one another. we’ve grown and changed and flipped upside down from those kids hanging out at the voorhees mall.

and so im left to figure out by myself why you’re here. why despite you being far and happy, you come to haunt me. you know, most exes emotionally haunt their ex, not legitimately leave unnecessary and misleading breadcrumbs.

i have a whole slew of degrees now, so i’ve come to my best version of a guess: you’re filing your insurance card. and you know what? four hours ago, i really would have been okay with that. i would have dated and waited and dated and waited until you came crying back, because you were my person. you were my goddamn dream boy. and i couldn’t believe i had you.

i let you go so quickly. and goddamn julia you didn’t let anyone go. here’s what i realized: anyone can fight for anyone. if you wanted me as badly as i want you, you would be here. here, here. but you’re not. instead, she’s there.

and i finally realized, what’s the goddamn point? i don’t know if you realized bro but i’m literally a gd catch. also, tbh i’m a lady w 38ddds so i can laid truly anytime i need to. and more importantly, i’m funny. i’m nice. im kind and i’m compassionate and caring and giving and smart as hell and really fun to hang out with. im a great singer, and a really fun dancer. and guys realize that.

there are so. many. guys like you. and i don’t mean that to be rude, trust me i didn’t know that this morning. but there are funny guys out there. there are guys who will go crazy when i take my clothes off and call me when i’m sad, and they’ll be happy to do it. they’ll be excited to be with me, i won’t be a back up.

and so, i’m giving myself that opportunity. i’m letting myself let go of you, to bury you and us alongside the memories i’m grateful for. so thank you, for teaching me all of my favorite bands. for making me laugh, and holding me when i needed you to. for kissing me, for loving me, and for reminding me that even now, im still a little special.

but i’m not going to sit around and wait for you to react. im not going to check on your songs, or your liked posts, or drive past your goddamn house. im not going to obsess over what you’re trying to say, because if you wanted to say it, you would. you wouldn’t hide it in spongebob songs, you would just message me. you would say hi.

but you dont, and deep down, i know you wont. god, even now, i want this to turn you inward. but when it doesn’t, or if it does and you still want nothing to do with me, i’m not gonna cry. because i really, really, really believe i’m gonna be okay.

i hope you’re okay too. i really, really wish you nothing but the best in this world. whatever this world brings you, i hope it comes with happiness, the ability to find joy in any situation, laugh at the small things. i believe in you, i hope you learn to believe in yourself.

#with this goodbye i change my life

0 notes

aharris00britney · 7 years ago

Photo

ASKS 04

wow I let this build up didn’t I.... updates on the ViVi inspired hair, Sim download info, some sweet people, some K-Pop, and other stuff below

@agentwashsims said: I️ knew you wouldn’t disappoint on the curly hairs!

Thank youu! lmao it is a pretty basic edit but I’m glad you like it ;-;

Anonymous said: Could you convert the solid colored EA Cruella DeVille style for girls or tots?

Actually it has already been converted HERE (warning: she uses an ad thing :( )

@pierce-the-rachel said: Okay hello I just love your cc so much!!! Like you're amazing I what you do. Much love<3

Thank you so much omgg I am not nearly close to being amazing but I appreciate it <3

Anonymous said: Hi! Is there any chance your sim that modeled the Braxton hair will be up for download? Along with his cc?

Yes! In the next week he 100% will be. Taylor will be posted tomorrow :)

Anonymous said: What skin do you use on your male models? It looks the same as the female one but I can’t find it in CAS.

Check my resource page for my default. I don’t have the overlay labeled on there but in the next few days when I have my male model for download it will be listed there.

Anonymous said: I love your whistle skinny jeans alot, I was wondering if you were ever thinking about making one without the jacket around the waist? Sorry for wasting your time :P

That is sadly out of my ability :( but I am glad u like my whistle skinny jeans!! Not a waste of time to give someone a compliment

Anonymous said: Not exactly an ask but. I love your cc, you create beautiful content, and no matter what others say someone is gonna like it :)

Thank you soooo much omfg I really fucking appreciate stuff like this.

Anonymous said: Your creations are so awesome! I always love coming to your page and seeing all of your amazing creations!!

Thank you!!!!!! omg I feel bad that I never respond to these until I do these things, you guys that send these prob think I ignore them ;-; but for the people who read these and who send them: I really appreciate it like so much ;-; it has been a meh couple of weeks which is why CC has been slow but I love you all so much <3

@raivynmoon said: Omg why do you always get so much hate from anons? I’ll tell you why, because you’re doing things right and toxic people get jealous. Don’t mind the haters, you’re amazing! Happy new year ❤️

I actually don’t get that much hate! I never really pay them any mind bc I know as long as it is something I like that I will release it. People do def prob get jealous they can’t mesh stuff that well, not saying I am the god at it, but I do have some talent in that area from doing it for a while. Happy new year to you too!!! and thank you for the ask <3

Anonymous said: hey i just want to say that all of your cc is amazing, you put so much time and effort into it. of course everyone can give you feedback and opinions about what you make, but you are the creator so you can do whatever you want with it. that anon below was just rude, inconsiderate, and isn’t really helping anyone. that person obviously doesn’t make cc hair, because im sure then they would understand and not be a total jerk about it. maybe they should just stick to makeup, instead of hating.

<-- what she said (thank youuu)

Anonymous said: well I think that all of the hair you make is really great, even if not everyone likes it. You spend so much time making these amazing hairs and shout-out to the person below: why would you waste your time hating on somebody else’s hard work when you could be creating makeup cc? You don’t put your effort and time into creating this kind of stuff, of course I know you were also giving feedback.

Thank you <3

Anonymous said: THE HAIR IS CUTE AF

Anonymous said: Wcif the hair in your "In The Time Spent With You" post? Thank you!♡

Deleted :( I never got it to look how I wanted so I never finished it

Anonymous said: I'd just like to say that the hair looks pretty, honestly your hairs are always high quality and never fail to dissapoint, I'd just say that it could be a little puffier on the sides, and over all ignore the haters, they probably couldn't make anything close to what you're making! Luvs.

Thank you!! I tried puffing the sides up some, here is a comparison pic:

(brown is now) (blonde is before)

@twirlyb said: I love the idea of the hair and I think it looks good so far but so you think that there's anyway to add for volume? I love the hair that it's based on and I really want to have it in game. I Completely understand if it's not an option but I though I would ask anyway. Btw I think your hairs are amazing. I went mostly cc free for a while (not anymore could handle not having cc but) and the only things I kept were my defaults and some of your hairs that I absolutely can not live without.

Refer above lmao

@cutesimmer23 said: Hi , anonimus , I have a message for you. If you think Austin's cc is trashy , it's just your opinion. His ccs are one of my top favourites , and I support him in all that he does , even if that's not too good. He tries to do something and , even it's not perfect at the first time , he tries to perfect it. I really love his cc . And I have something more to say. If you are that good at cc give Austin a message (not anonimously) and then we will see who's the best. We love you, Austin!

Thank you <3 You're lovely for sending me this

Anonymous said: heyy love your blog and all of your creations. wcif ALL of your sims? do you ever upload them to the gallery?

Macie is already posted, link on my resource page. Taylor will be posted tomorrow, and my male model will be posted next week. The rest idk

Anonymous said: um can that damn anon piss off. your content is absolutely amazing and some things aren't for everyone but someone out there will love and appreciate it. also the hair in your profile picture looks gorgeous. is it released yet? and the wip you posted is cute af. ignore those haters <3

Thank you <3 Hair in my profile pic is my HyunA hair :)

Anonymous said: Hi, so sorry if anyone has already asked this, but I was wondering hat your origin ID was, since your sims are super cute!? Ps. I'm totally in love with your blog!!!

My origin is Spotharris but it does not have much on it right now, Ps. thank you

Anonymous said: Do you have any K-Pop albums? Which ones?

Oh my! I have a few! I have Red Velvet’s Perfect Velvet, and 6 LOONA albums (Kim Lip, Jinsoul, Choerry, Yves, Mix & Match, and Max & Match)

Anonymous said: I miss you having Macie as your icon :(

Me too jush she needs to make a comeback

Anonymous said: Hey I was wondering if you could do a tutorial on how to make a middle parted hair side parted ?? please

I might do a livestream sometime in the future that is me remaking a hair like Joy or something where I did that. I am really bad at video stuff though so like... someone help?

Anonymous said: Can I just say how much I absolutely love all of your hairs? Like your so talented in making cc. Please keep up the great work!

Thank you!

Anonymous said: Can you convert the cupid eyes you posted for dogs/cats? It's fine if you can't, jw!

rip I can but I really don’t want to ;-;

Anonymous said: I just want to say I love you so much! All your creations are so beautiful and I use them ALL the time. Happy Holidays! ~ V

Happy late holidays!

Anonymous said: Do you have all of your own CC in your game?

Nooooo lmao

Anonymous said: does ur hyuna hair work with the ombres?

She does not :(

Anonymous said: make more diverse sims

gotcha

Anonymous said: yo i remember when you first started out and you were just starting. now you've improved a HELL of a lot. like WOAH (i love your cc)

we don’t speak of those times in my life ok

Anonymous said: I don't know if you are open to cc requests, so if you are, would you ever consider separating them utility jacket from cats and dogs? I've seen so many people recolor it but I can't find it as an accessory, and I've looked everywhere.

A friend of mine tried it but it was really glitchy :( Maybe in the future I could give it a go?

Anonymous said: LIPS, HIPS LIPS, HIPS (ahh, ahh) L-LIPS, HIPS (ahh, ahh) Hi-hi-hi-hi-hip (POP!)

yes i agree with everything

Anonymous said: I have the same b-day as you

only legends were born on that day. and December 2nd.

Anonymous said: Your birthday is the day before mine and the day after my sister's

So close to being legends.... sad

Anonymous said: I thought, you're female😅😅🔫

rip ur mind after i blew it up by being a male

Anonymous said: damn didnt know u were homophobic lol

Anonymous said: fmk: danny devito, shrek, and jim carrey's the grinch

fuck danny bc idk who it is and i know a hot danny. marry the grinch bc he i like mayor of whoville after the movie. kill shrek and take the donkey.

Anonymous said: ahHHHhhHh idk why but i love you so much(not in a weird way u pervery xddd)

thanks babessss

Anonymous said: You should start a gameplay

I dont have the computer or the time for that I am sorry to say

#asks #well let's hope that cuts the inbox down some thdbv #i let them build for too long #it is my own fault

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loverikajeann · 4 years ago

Text

MAT and “recovery” ?

WARNING: I type my thoughts, I don’t necessarily think about grammar or consider spelling...it’s my blog and you’re welcome to have a read just be prepared for the random nonsense.

-scribblings that only make sense to me I suppose (shrugs)-

Wow. This topic or question rather has been on my mind very single day since I have considered myself to be “CLEAN” . Holy shit I swear this is such a HARD subject for MEEEEEEEE! Maybe because I have relapsed so many times that I question myself if I'm even worth giving it another try? You know what though I can already tell that this route is going to be a lot more successful than any of the other paths I have taken...hey that’s a GREAT idea let me start there!!! THE PATHS THAT I HAVE TAKEN AND FAILED!!!

ok so of course I have done the traditional detox for the week or so and then go into the sober living for the remainder of that time I really didn’t feel as though I was progressing at all. I was constantly reminded that only less than five percent of the class would be successful really, and the rest of us were bound for a relapse. It’s as though they said “ You have wasted your time because you will most likely return sooner or later, but feel proud of yourself because you at least realize and acknowledge that you have an addiction”

So what did I do? I was sent home with about seven or eight medications...took them like I was supposed to...and little by little I began to abuse them as well. I also started taking KRATUM which let me tell you is practically an OPIATE but it wasn’t controlled..it wasn’t prescribed and sooner rather than later I also abused that, and sooner rather than later I relapsed. Did the whole traditional detox...sober living thirty day program and was again sent home with seven to eight medications to take...and I feel like these meds were absolute BULLSHIT. I mean gabapentin for nerve pain I wasn’t really experiencing. Then muscle relaxer that made me sleepy. Antipsychotic medications to help me “sleep” and it was some pretty heavy shit like Seroquel which I heard can be addictive in itself, and easily abused. Then Buspar for generalized anxiety which I ahve to agree I did feel here and there but I was supposed to take this on a daily basis. And finally Zoloft, which I have to admit was the only medication in my opinion that i felt I truly needed. You know I ended up relapsing again and ended up at the same place for the third and very last time. There was a conference during my last stay at the rehab in where the speaker talked about Suboxone and how they were the miracle drug due to the help of detox as well as the extreme amount of not functioning at all, he made it seem as though anyway. But I looked aroumd the room and said to him “Most of us get used to driving in much worse substances; Heroin, Meth or even worse like Fentanyl and we could drive “JUST FINE!” , anyway all of began my questioning of what their specific strategy was at this place and pretty much all of the REHAB facilities in southern california and then it came to me like a lightning bolt of IDK something spectacular...you see they dont want to send you home on SUBOXONE because it truly is a FUCKING MIRACLE DRUG!! They’d have this drug that you can honestly take as long as you need it and AS LONG as you do not abuse it. It covers the SAME receptors of any opiate which means it is in the same drug class however it acts THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE in the BRAIN! Meaning it BLOCKS those receptors, you do NOT get a HIGH Or a EUPHORIA effect ( i know sucks, but trust me it’s an important part fo your recovery) and becuase it does the OPPOSITE of what an opiate would do...it fools your brain into thinking that you got your “fix” sort of speak so you dont have any cravings...did you hear me?! YOU DONT HAVE CRAVINGS! you can go about your life and function like a regular adult...work, do family stuff...be NORMAL!! And with the guidance of your doctor, you will slowly be tapered down,. It is a very slow process but it’s done carefully and as long and you and your doc are on the same page you will YOU WILL be successful. MY doctor described it as a “soft landing” it took years for your brain to get “Smashed” like the egg in the commercial, and so it’s going to take years for it to repair. Dr. A described it as a DEEP wound like breaking a femur bone for example...it can’t be repaired in the amount of time of a one week detox right? Or how about thirty days in physical therapy? Doesn’t make semse does it? Well addiction created a big wound like I said, and instead of taking seven or eight meds that I truly dont need like muscle relaxers I am HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE MY CURRENT TREATMENT (thanks to Dr.A)

ok so....I checked into an ER hospital where they were already expecting me (yes I know VIP treatment is quite nice) I was given subozone after they dii a quick assesment of my current insanity stage and detoxing I had to do. I was sent home with about two weeks worth of SUBS, I take one in the AM and one again in the PM. I was required to enter an outpatient program at the hopsital in Arrowhead, which I think it abosolutely perfect becae we actively participate in our recovery...we do ZOOM meetings twice a week with our counselor. Ok you know know those meds they have you take at a rehab? Like HVRC? Well once you are sent home after a few hours at the ER, not you dont stay over night at all. I got sent hone with just the suboxone. Yes those first few days well the first week even was hell. I was in a lot of pain and I couldnt even move it took me over 24 hours to take a piss, three days or so to even put anything in my mouth! But no meds other than the SUBOXONE! And eventually, I woke up just like you genuinely HAPPY MAN. No cravings at all...not thoughts of using. I focus on the task at hand, I enjoy the day I’m presented with by god. Dr. Avalos said I will be weaned off once I let him know I’m ready meaning this is where I feel mentally strong, physically capable and have the support I need from my family members. And as long as I have NOT been abusing my script meaning not taking more than what I need to and so on, it should be a decent landing. Ofcourse he did say it would not be easy or a piece of cake...there will be some changes in my mood and all of that because yeah who likes going through med changes at all right, but it wont be impossible and like he said as long as I feel strong enough and I am honest about that then I got this! Obviously like anyother opiates he did say you shouldn’t discontinue taking without consulting because yeah it won’t be pretty meaning same detox s/sx do apply as if you were detoxing from any other opiate. So it was simple, just follow the doctors instructions, complete the 90 day outpatient program, get a sponsor and attend NA meetings, work the steps adn eventually be of service. And this time around I am happy to say that it’s WORKING, And thank god that at least if its the whole “Just for Today” speech, I can most def say that “Just for Today: I don’t have to use, I don’t have to get sick, I dont have to lie or cheat or steal..I can enjoy my day freely surrounded by the people who love me and those I love the nost as well.”

-Erika Valdez

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