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hughjidiot · 3 years ago

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Jelly Beans, A Sashannarcy Oneshot

So I’ve written a number of Sashannarcy oneshots that I’ve posted over on AO3 and figured it was about time I start sharing them here as well. So here’s the first oneshot, in which Sasha brings some special candy to spice up the girls’ weekly game night

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“BeanBoozled?”

Anne blinked in confusion as she beheld the colorful box Sasha was holding up. She and Sasha sat on the couch in the living room of the apartment they shared with Marcy, who at the moment was searching through the board game cabinet for a suitable game for their weekly game night.

“Picked it up while I was out running errands today,” Sasha said. “Thought it could be a fun way to spice up game night.”

“How are jelly beans gonna make game night more interesting?” Anne asked with a furrowed brow.

Sasha grinned and gave the box a shake, the candy contents rattling within. “Ah, but these are no ordinary jelly beans. There are ten colors, but twenty possible flavors. Each color can be something really good, or really really bad, and the only way to tell is to pop one in your mouth and hope for the best. Take a look.”

Sasha passed the box to Anne. Her eyes widened as she beheld the flavors on the back. “Birthday cake or dirty dishwater? Coconut or spoiled milk? Peach or barf!? Jeez, it’s like Russian Roulette with candy!”

“Nah, at least with Russian Roulette the odds are five-to-one in your favor,” Marcy said as she walked over to the couch, a huge stack of boxes in her hands. “With those it’s more like a coin flip. Heads you get a delicious bean, tails you get one that’ll make you wanna die.”

“Exactly,” Sasha said with a smirk and a mischievous glint in her eye. “What do you say, girls? Wanna raise the stakes this week?”

“Sounds potentially disgusting and humiliating,” Marcy said, setting the board games on the table and taking a seat on the couch next to Anne. She grinned. “I’m in.”

“Me too,” Anne said, smiling and handing the box back to Sasha. “What did you have in mind?”

Sasha hmmm’ed as she looked over the games Marcy was offering. “We need a simple game. Let’s see here... Clue, no… Cards Against Humanity, Settlers of Catan, Boss Monster… no, no, nope… Ah, perfect! Would You Rather.”

Sasha opened up the game in question, took out a stack of cards and began shuffling them as she continued speaking. “So here’s what I’m thinking: we each take turns drawing a card and asking an either/or question for the other two to answer. Anyone who picks the less popular option has to eat a random bean out of the box. Sound good?”

Anne and Marcy nodded. Sasha set the deck of cards down and drew the top one. “Cool, I’ll start us off then. Anne, Marcy, would you rather… punch a pilgrim or eat an avocado?”

Anne sputtered out a laugh. “What kind of question is that?”

“That’s just the game,” Marcy said with a shrug. “Some of the choices have logic to them, others are just completely random. I think I’d rather eat an avocado, they’re loaded with nutrients and can be used to make guacamole.”

“Avocado it is,” Sasha said. “Anne?”

Anne pursed her lips. “Well from what I remember from history class, the Pilgrims were kind of dicks… But I think I’ll go with the avocado too.”

“And those are your final answers?” Sasha asked her girlfriends. Anne and Marcy nodded. “Well congratulations! According to the card fifty-nine percent of people agree with you.”

Marcy and Anne high-fived. Sasha discarded the card and Anne reached for the deck to draw her own card.

“Okay Marcy, Sasha, would you rather… have no teeth or have no tongue?”

“Oof, that’s a tough one,” Sasha said. “Either one of those would make eating a pain in the ass.”

Marcy rubbed her chin. “I think I’d rather have no teeth. ‘Cause at least if you have a tongue you could still taste stuff.”

“But how would you chew with no teeth so you don’t choke and die?” Sasha asked.

“Well that’s what blenders are for. Plus no tongue means you can’t talk either.”

“Oh, that’s a good point. Yeah, I’ll go with no teeth too.”

Anne nodded, discarding her card. “You and sixty-three percent of people. Congrats girls, no one gets to try the beans yet. You’re up Marbles.”

Marcy drew a card. “Sash, Anne, would you rather… sing everything you say or dance all your movements?”

“Sing everything,” Sasha said with a proud smirk. “After all, I’m a heart-stomper~! Stompin’ on hearts~!”

Anne and Marcy laughed. “Oh man I haven’t thought about our old garage band in years,” Marcy said. “We should break out the instruments one of these days, for old time’s sake.”

“Yeah but it’s been so long we probably suck,” Anne said. “Dancing was always more my thing, so that’s what I’m going with.”

“Ooh, first time two of us have picked different options,” Marcy said. She reached down for the BeanBoozled box. “Those are your final answers?” The other two girls nodded. “And the jelly bean goes to… Anne!”

“Aw, for real?” Anne asked as Sasha pumped a fist in the air. Marcy nodded and showed the text on the card: fifty-six percent of people would rather sing as opposed to forty-four who’d rather dance. “Damn it. Okay, let’s see what we’ve got here…”

On the back of the box was a circle of the ten jelly beans with a built-in spinner. She gave the spinner a flick and watched it slow until it settled on brown. “Okay that’s… chocolate pudding or canned dog food? Oh boy.”

Anne picked through the box of candies, pulling out a single brown bean. She held the candy up between her thumb and forefinger, gulping audibly. “Well. Here we go…”

Marcy and Sasha watched with great interest as Anne plopped the candy in her mouth. She slowly chewed… and a smile graced her face.

“Oh thank God, it’s chocolate pudding!” She said, swallowing.

“Aw, well that’s no fun,” Sasha said with an exaggerated pout. “You were supposed to get a gross one so me and Marcy could laugh at your misfortune.”

“Hey, the night’s still young,” Anne said. “Don’t forget you could also end up with a gross bean, Sasha.”

“Well not this time, ‘cause it’s my turn to ask the question.” Sasha drew the next card of the deck. “Would you rather… be dangled over the edge of the cliff or forced to speak in public?”

“Dangled off a cliff,” Marcy said instantly.

“Really, Mar-Mar?” Anne asked flatly.

“You girls know how I am about public speaking! Why do you think I did most of the work during our group projects back in school and left the actual presentations to you two?”

“Yeah, but we’re talking about public speaking vs. being dangled off a cliff!”

“It doesn’t say anywhere that you actually get dropped!”

Anne rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I’ll still go with public speaking.”

“You and seventy-eight percent of people,” Sasha said. “Sorry Marcy, but the price of not having to speak in public is a gross jelly bean.”

“Totally worth it,” Marcy said defiantly. She picked up the box and flicked the spinner. “And I get… toasted marshmallow or stink bug.”

She plucked a brown-and-white bean from the box and plopped it in her mouth. She slowly chewed, and her neutral expression slowly morphed into disgust.

“Oh. Oh that doesn’t taste good,” she said. Her jaw moved again and she gagged, hand going to her mouth. “Oh that’s really not good!”

Anne tried to cover her giggle with a closed fist. “I don’t think she got the toasted marshmallow,” she said to Sasha, who openly laughed and slapped her knee. Marcy hunched over, face contorting.

“Ugh, it tastes like how stink bugs smell,” Marcy said with a grimace. “That sucked .”

“Could’ve avoided it if you just did a little public speaking,” Sasha said in a sing-song voice.

“Bite me, Sash,” Marcy grumbled. “Let’s see how you like it when you get one of those beans. Draw a card, Anna-Banana.”

Anne nodded and did so. “Would you rather own a mini horse or own a regular horse?”

“Ooh, I’d love a mini horse,” Sasha said with a smile. “They can actually be kept as house pets, right?”

“Yeah, but they still require a lot of upkeep,” Marcy pointed out. “If you’re gonna have a horse, it might as well be a full-sized one you can actually ride. I’d rather have a regular horse.”

“Well I’ve got good news Marcy, so would fifty-nine percent of people.” Anne said. Sasha crossed her arms with a hmph as Marcy smirked.

“Go ahead, take a bean Sasha,” Marcy said, holding the box out and giving it a taunting rattle.

“Fine, I will,” Sasha said haughtily. She accepted the box and spun the spinner. “And I got… buttered popcorn or rotten egg.”

Sasha quickly fished a yellow-and-white spotted jelly bean out of the box and quickly popped it in her mouth, face full of determination. Seconds passed as she chewed, Anne and Marcy watching her expression closely.

Finally, Sasha smirked.

“Buttered popcorn it is!” She said triumphantly. “Once again Sasha Waybright comes out on top.”

“Seriously?” Marcy plopped back on the couch, crossing her arms and letting out a frustrated exhale. “I can’t believe I’m the only person who didn’t get a good bean yet!”

“Cheer up Marbles, I’m sure you’ll get a tasty bean at some point,” Anne said. “Now draw the next card, this is getting good!”

---

“Green,” Marcy said. It was a few questions later and she’d picked another lower option, choosing to only have access to games online along with thirty-three percent of people, compared to sixty-seven percent who’d rather have access to only Youtube. The spinner had given her a light-green bean to sample. “That’s juicy pear or booger? Oh jeez…”

She picked a green jelly bean from the box and popped it in her mouth, chewing tentatively. She retched, cheeks turning as green as the candy she just ate.

“Oh God it’s booger,” she said with a retch, to Anne and Sasha’s shared amusement. “ Blech, plech! Oh that’s foul!”

“Okay, so you got two bad ones in a row,” Anne said between giggles. “I’m sure you’ll have better luck next time.”

---

“More people would rather drink tea than coffee, are you for real?!” Marcy asked, incredulous.

“Well coffee is an acquired taste, and there’s like a million different varieties of tea,” Anne pointed out, having picked the tea option to the question Sasha had given.

“Yeah but… coffee!”

“We get it Marcy, you love your bean water,” Sasha said. “But you still picked the lesser option, so it’s jelly bean time.”

Marcy gave the spinner a twirl and grimaced. “Strawberry banana smoothie or dead fish?! Oh this isn’t gonna be fun.”

She dug through the box until she found a lightly-colored orange bean with red speckles. With a heavy sigh she tossed it in her mouth, and her face contorted in disgust almost instantly.

“Dead - ack, hack - fish!” She said between gags. Anne looked like she was caught between sympathy and amusement, while Sasha was openly laughing.

“Man Marcy, those beans really hate you,” Sasha said, wiping a tear from her eye.

---

“Oh goodie, I got another one wrong,” Marcy said with a too-wide smile. “Silly me for thinking more people would rather die by drowning in a tsunami than throw themselves in lava.”

She let out a short, desperate laugh as she grabbed the box of jelly beans. “You know what? That’s fine, it’s fine. So what if three of three beans have tasted like garbage? One of them is bound to be good sooner or later. I mean if you flip a coin enough times, it’s bound to come up heads at some point. That’s just the law of averages, yeah.”

“Uh, I think that’s the gambler’s fallacy,” Sasha pointed out with a raised brow.

“Shut up and let me have hope, Sasha.” Marcy spun the spinner and giggled again. “Oh good, it’s peach or barf. That’s fine, that’s totally fine. Nothing to worry about, I’ve got a good feeling about this one.”

She plucked another jelly bean out of the box, this one a darker orange with red flecks. She kept giggling, one of her eyes twitching.

“You sure you’re okay, Marcy?” Anne asked, concerned.

“I’m just peachy , Anne!” Marcy said, far too brightly. “Peachy like I’m sure this jelly bean will be!”

She stuffed in her mouth, chewing quickly. The smile remained frozen on her face even as her eyes began to water.

“Aaaand it’s barf because why not?!” Marcy doubled over, hacking and coughing. “Oh God it’s on the sides of my tongue!”

Anne gave Marcy a comforting pat on the back. Sasha just shook her head with a chuckle.

“Okay, maybe we should give BeanBoozled a rest before Marcy keels over,” she said. “It was funny at first, but now it’s just getting sad.”

“No no, I’m fine,” Marcy insisted even as she kept gagging. “I can get a good bean at some point, I know I can!”

Anne and Sasha exchanged uncertain glances as Marcy grabbed the next card, it being her turn to read the question. “Okay, would you - blech - rather be a Jedi master or an elite Saiyan?”

“Ooh, I’d rather be a Saiyan,” Anne said instantly. “I love Dragon Ball!”

“Well I guess I’ll be a Jedi,” Sasha said with a shrug. “At least I’ve actually seen Star Wars. I’ve only seen like a handful of Dragon Ball episodes.”

“Well sixty-eight percent of people agree with you, Sasha,” Marcy said. “Sorry Anne, looks like it’s your turn for a bean.”

Anne nodded and spun the box’s spinner with a swift finger flick. Around and around it spun until it landed on blue. “That’s berry blue or toothpaste.”

“Aw man, you got an easy one,” Marcy said with a pout as Anne picked a blue jelly bean out of the box. “Toothpaste doesn’t even taste that bad.”

Anne looked to Marcy as she plopped the bean in her mouth. Marcy, who’d been unfortunate enough to get four terrible-tasting jelly beans in a row. She smiled as an idea formed in her brain.

“Hey Mar-Mar,” Anne said, voice slightly muffled with her mouth full.

Marcy looked up, and didn’t even have time to react before Anne pulled her in for a surprise kiss. Marcy’s face lit up as she felt Anne’s tongue push past her lips, too stunned by the audacity to offer any sort of resistance. Anne pulled away after a few seconds, and Marcy felt a familiar lump in her mouth.

“Oh my God!” Sasha laughed, a splash of red on her own cheeks as she brought a closed fist to her mouth. “Did you really just…? You didn’t! ”

“Yeah, I totally did,” Anne said proudly, blushing herself. “Well Marcy? What’s the verdict?”

Marcy’s face was burning as she slowly chewed, a pleasant taste spreading across her taste buds. “Berry…”

#amphibia #amphibia fanfic #anne boonchuy #sasha waybright #marcy wu #sashannarcy

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reluming · 4 years ago

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dairy heir! nod! mr. march!

thanks natalie! :)

The Dairy Heir: Invent a ridiculous d20 ship and argue why it should be taken seriously.

misty moore/arthur aguefort... honestly, i have no reason other than i just love wild old people. they both seem p horny and into fucking a lot of different beings/creatures! they WILL throw amazing orgy parties together and you cannot stop them. i think they will enjoy telling each other stories from all the many years that they’ve lived. they will have dramatic arguments and fall out with each other constantly but then they’ll just get back together again and make up passionately. also, in a way, misty moore kind of IS a phoenix, you know??

Nod: What was the moment that d20 hooked you?

tiny heist was the first d20 thing i watched, bc of the mcelroys, and the moment episode 2 started and they showed the battle set i fell in love. that was what appealed to me most about d20 at first, just the AMAZING battle sets. the tiny heist battle sets are just so stellar bc of all the... tiny things... they really capture the wonder and whimsy of the setting so well! TINY THINGS!

but i think the thing that really cemented my love for d20, including the core cast, is i think just... the whole of that tiefling greasers ep in fantasy high... i don’t know WHAT it was about that ep but just like. everything brennan made those tiefling greasers say and do was so incredibly hysterical to me. fig confusing everyone with her winking bardic inspirations! that moment when fabian kills johnny spells at the end is fucking CINEMATIC. and then we get the delightful cubbys!!

Mr. March: Rank the Dimension 20 seasons based on a silly metric of your choosing.

hmm here you go, d20 seasons based on how cool a restaurant themed around that season would be, from least to most:

1. escape from the bloodkeep - eftb, while a very fun side quest, is probably the least appetising season.

2. fantasy high - yes i would love to go to basrar’s in real life but otherwise i don’t think there’s that much material to draw on for a themed restaurant! MAYBE the seacaster manor could work, then it’s almost like a PIRATE SHIP MAID CAFÉ. unlike in a typical maid café, the wait staff are just like, older women who are mostly sweet but occasionally terrifying serving you kippers and cookies. and i could totally dig that, but there just isn’t a good solid theme for a restaurant here.

3. tiny heist - the decor would be SO cute and wonderful i am just thinking about all the tiny heist battle sets... eating dishes of food made to look like giant crumbs! there could be a stage for small live performances on the weekends inspired by ti and bean’s shows or boomer’s theatric endeavours!

4. the unsleeping city - i think this would be like a VERY normal-looking restaurant when you first go in, like it couldn’t GET more normal and unassuming, but the food is fusion food from loads of different cuisines all around the world and it’s all very delicious. then, once you finish your meal, you’re ushed into a bar in the back area, and suddenly it all transforms into somewhere nod-like, with funhouse mirrors on the walls and mist on the ground and dim trippy purple lighting and a huge crescent moon hanging from the ceiling that lucky guests get to sit on, and someone is playing the piano while the wait staff are all dressed as bizarre characters, singing and occasionally making absolutely nonsensical statements as they serve you drinks (including non-alcoholic ones, ofc!) named after unsleeping city characters and episodes.

5. a crown of candy - yes i did this entire ranking bc of acoc. I WANT AN ACOC-THEMED RESTAURANT SO BAD!!! it would be a very fancy buffet style restaurant with everything laid out according to the map of calorum. lil ships displaying fine cheeses in a sea of ice and yoghurt tubs! of course, there are salami-wrapped cheeses - the “meat” ambushers from ep 2. there’s a veggie station where you get to grill your own keradin deeproot or belizabeth brassica. a large bread selection to choose from so you can TOAST THAT BREAD, whether it’s ciabatta or grissini. the dessert section has an array of smiley yet sinister looking cakes with googly eyes, and of course a very beautiful pick n mix area featuring all your fave rocks characters. the freezer where you get your lollies from is made to look like the ice cream temple. the person who torches the creme brulees on demand is dressed as cinnamon the dragon. there’s a fridge with lil glass bottles of milk and you can make your own cute mini outfits to dress the glass bottles up in and take them home afterwards as a souvenir!

#tagsharkodactylnotthisblog #ask #sharkodactyl #dimension 20

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bthenoise · 5 years ago

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Quaran-Dine & Chill: Here are 12 Homemade Food Recipes From Some Of Your Favorite Bands

Look, we get it: You’re bored. You’re stuck at home with nothing to do and to top it all off you’re absolutely starving with no idea what to make except for a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.

Thankfully, we knew this would happen so we reached out to some amazing artists to see if they had any recipes to help us all get through this never-ending period of social distancing.

Submitting for a feature we like to call “Quaran-Dine & Chill,” bands like Mayday Parade, The Used, August Burns Red, Atreyu, Periphery, New Found Glory and more have all pitched in some of their most favorite recipes to make from home.

To check out how to create Groovy Toast, cook some of Herbie’s Homemade Chicken Taquitos or even put together some Veggie Pasta with Vegan Ass White Sauce, be sure to look below. Afterward, remember, before making anything to eat, WASH YOUR DAMN HANDS!

Oh, and there’s also a special 35-song Quaran-Dine & Chill playlist at the end of all this. Listen to it as loud as you possibly can -- we hear it helps the food taste better.

Enjoy!

JAKE BUNDRICK - MAYDAY PARADE

JAKE’S OVERNIGHT OATS

Ingredients 1/2 cup oatmeal (any type will work but I personally like Old Fashioned or Rolled Oats) 1 cup water 1 scoop protein powder (It's not necessary by any means but I prefer French Vanilla from TrueNutrition) 3/4 cup of either frozen berries or fresh berries (strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, black berries... you can either add this now to soak overnight or wait until you're ready to eat and then add berries. It's up to you) 1 banana sliced 1 tablespoon of natural peanut butter

Instructions Mix oatmeal, water, protein and frozen berries together in a bowl or jar (frozen berries are optional). You could forego this and choose to add fresh berries later.

Cover and let sit in the fridge overnight or for a few hours -- your choice.

After soaking, add fresh berries if you haven't already. Then add bananas and peanut butter.

Enjoy.

MATT HALPERN - PERIPHERY

REALLY HEALTHY “CEREAL”

I love cereal but I don't want all the bad stuff associated with most cereals. So I came up with a healthy alternative. It's pretty simple.

Grab a bowl

Add Trader Joe's Go Raw Trek Mix

Slice up some strawberries and add them too

Throw on a couple blueberries

Add 1% milk

And there ya have it! Really hearty, really healthy, easy to make “cereal” that actually fills you up!

MATT GREINER - AUGUST BURNS RED

DEER CAMP BREAKFAST CASSEROLE

Ingredients 18 eggs 2 cups of milk 1 cup cheddar cheese 1 lb bacon 1 lb loose sausage 1 ts salt 1 tb pepper 1 pack hash browns

Instructions Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees

Brown sausage and bacon separately-drain

Pan fry hash browns until golden brown

Grease a 13” x 9” baking pan and line the bottom with hash browns

Add a layer of bacon

Add a layer of sausage

Whip the eggs in a large bowl, then add the mix, salt and pepper, mix well

Add the cheese to the eggs and mix again

Pour the egg mixture over the meat and hash browns

Cover with aluminum foil and bake for 25-30 minutes

Remove foil and bake until the top of the casserole begins to brown. Then remove from the oven.

BRENT WALSH - I THE MIGHTY

B-LEE'S BREAKFAST FEAST

Ingredients Hash browns 2 eggs Onions Garlic Mushrooms Peppers Cheddar cheese Black pepper Salt Ketchup Valentina (black label, extra hot) hot sauce Olive oil

Instructions First, get the hash browns going in a frying pan with lots of oil. They take the longest.

In a second pan, get all the veggies going adding garlic when everything else is almost done so that you don't burn the garlic.

When the hash browns are done, plate them and immediately add the cheese to taste.

The veggies should be about done by this time so add those on top.

Fry the eggs (I like mine over medium) in the original pan you cooked the hash browns in and add salt and pepper while they cook.

I like to top it all off with some black label Valentina hot sauce and a little ketchup.

Add a coffee and mimosa on the side and boom, you got yourself a good ol' quarantine breakfast feast.

MARK HOLCOMB - PERIPHERY

SRIRACHA TUNA SALAD

Take two cans of tuna, break it up in a mixing bowl, toss with two tablespoons of celery, half an onion and some chopped fresh parsley.

Add 1/3 cup of mayonnaise (or veganaise if you’re a tree-hugging hippy like me), 1 tablespoon mustard, and several tablespoons of Sriracha depending on how spicy you want it.

Top off with some ground pepper and lemon juice, to taste.

Also feel free to add half a diced apple if you like some sweetness and crunchy texture in there.

Delicious, healthy and super simple.

JEPHA - THE USED

GROOVY TOAST

Soak a cup of any kind of nut (almond, cashew etc..) overnight in water.

Next day, strain most of the water except for a little bit to help blend it.

Put soaked nuts in blender with a dash of lemon, a pinch of salt, pepper, two tablespoons of olive oil.

Blend until smooth.

Optional fun: slice something spicy like a jalapeño.

Add “Groovy cheese” to either toast or crackers.

Drizzle olive oil and lemon on top of “Groovy Toast” with a spicy, spicy jalapeño and let your mouth party like your stuck at home for the next month or so 🤙

CYRUS BOLOOKI - NEW FOUND GLORY

SHEPHERD’S PIE

Ingredients: Ground Beef (or turkey, or chicken, or any kind of meat for that matter) Onion, diced (optional) Frozen veggies (1 bag of pretty much anything you have, normally a carrot/corn/peas mix, but seriously, anything will do) Worcestershire Sauce (optional, but check the back of your cupboard because you probably have a bottle that’s been sitting there for years and is still good!) Potatoes (again, any kind of potatoes will do) Cheese (cheddar is the standard, but use what you have!)

Instructions: Cook your meat in a skillet, seasoning with salt and pepper and adding diced onion if you have while cooking.

Cook/microwave your bag of frozen veggies and add directly into the meat and stir.

Now’s the time to find that Worcestershire sauce if you have it -- if not, don’t worry, this is awesome without it too!

Add a cup of cheese in there and also 1/2 cup of liquid (could be water, could be chicken/beef broth if you have). Stir to combine all ingredients and turn to low heat to keep warm.

Meanwhile, make mashed potatoes however you can (whether by hand or with a box) and when done layer these two things in an ovenproof dish — meat/veggie mix on bottom, mashed potatoes on top.

Toss cheese all over the top of that and throw it in the oven on medium heat for 20 minutes to melt the cheese.

Now, sit back, relax and enjoy your dish whether with family or all alone. It’s a full meal all in one, tastes even better the next day and you can even freeze it!

BRANDON SALLER - ATREYU

WINNER WINNER ISOLATION DINNER (Crispy Baked Chicken Thighs)

Ingredients Bone-in chicken thighs w/ skin Salt (coarse salt works best but any will work fine) Pepper Garlic powder Mixed herbs or Italian seasoning Desired veggie - Whatever you have (ie broccoli, green beans, asparagus, zucchini) Italian dressing (your favorite)

Instructions Preheat oven to 400º

Pat dry chicken on both sides with a paper towel

Season both sides of chicken liberally. Especially the top. The key to this chicken is the well seasoned crispy skin.

Place on sheet pan and roast in oven for about 40 minutes. You are looking for the chicken to be cooked through and skin to be browned and crispy.

When chicken has about 20 minutes left, put marinated veggies on a sheet pan and roast until chicken is done.

When finished, let chicken rest for about 5 minutes as it just came out of a 40-minute fiery hell and will 100% burn your mouth.

ENJOY!

IRA GEORGE - MOVEMENTS

TACO SALAD

This is a very easy and fluid dish that you can make on your own with ease. Whether you are a vegetarian or vegan, you can make this fit your lifestyle.

Ingredients 1 bag of chopped romaine 1 can of black beans 1 frozen bag of white or brown rice 1 cup of frozen corn (thawed) Soyrizo (or any type of ground meat) 1/2 bell pepper 2 Roma tomatoes 1/3 yellow onion 1 avocado Cilantro 1 lime Taco sauce of your choice Cilantro dressing (or something comparable) Diced jalapeños Shredded Mexican cheese Handful of tortilla chips

Instructions Dice the bell pepper, yellow onion and Roma tomatoes

Chop a handful of cilantro

Thaw corn in microwave

In a small pot heat up the can of beans

Cook the soyrizo or other meat in a pan at the same time (if you are using meat you will need to season to your liking)

Heat rice in microwave (if using uncooked rice have it ready before everything)

Grab a big bowl and put rice down. Add the cilantro and lime and toss together

Now add everything else however you want. Remember this is a completely fluid meal, add or takeout any ingredient you feel. Get creative with it! DON’T FORGET TO ADD THE AVOCADO AND SAUCES!!

NICK VENTIMIGLIA - GRAYSCALE

HERBIE’S HOMEMADE CHICKEN TAQUITOS

Servings: 12 Calories: 241 Prep time: 20 min Cook time: 20 min Total time: 40 min

Ingredients 3oz cream cheese 1/4 cup salsa of your choice 1 tablespoon lime juice 1 1/2 teaspoon of taco seasoning 2 fresh cloves of garlic, minced 3 tablespoons cilantro or parsley 2 scallions diced 2 cups shredded cooked chicken or whatever protein you desire 1 cup Mexican blend cheese or whatever you want 12 6in flour tortillas Cooking spray Kosher salt

Instructions Preheat your oven to 425 degrees. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

In a large bowl, mix together the cream cheese, salsa, lime juice, taco seasoning, garlic, cilantro, and scallions until well combined and creamy. Add in the cooked chicken and cheese; stir to thoroughly combine.

Working with a few tortillas at a time, heat them in the microwave between two paper towels until they are soft enough to roll (about 10 seconds).

Spoon 3 tablespoons of the chicken mixture onto the lower third of a tortilla. Roll the tortilla tightly.

Place the rolled tortilla seam side down on the baking sheet. Repeat with remaining tortillas until the mixture is gone, making sure the taquitos are not touching each other.

Spray the tops lightly with cooking spray and sprinkle with a little kosher salt (don’t skip the salt!)

Bake for 15-20 minutes or until crisp and golden.

Serve with salsa, sour cream, or guacamole.

BALSAC THE JAWS 'O DEATH - GWAR

I offered up my recipes for Feline Fricassee and Poodle Wellington but my publicist informed me that things hadn't yet gotten to the point where most people are ready to eat their pets. Instead, here is a recipe that you should be able to throw together without having to take that dreaded trip to the supermarket.

Now more than ever, everyone should be able to hunt and kill their own food. So the first thing you will need to do is grab your favorite battleaxe, knife or shotgun and go in your backyard. Look for the happy yellow flowers that are probably taking over your poorly manicured lawn. Pick as many of these as you can find, making sure to pull them out from the roots keeping the long dark green leaves intact. You may be asking, “What do I need this shotgun for?” The weapon is in case your neighbor sees you and tries to shake hands!

DOOMSDAY DANDELIONS

Ingredients Dandelion greens 1/2 cup olive oil 3 tablespoons vinegar (red wine vinegar or balsamic work best but whatever kind you can find in your cupboard. It is the apocalypse after all) 1 tablespoon mustard (Dijon if you've got it but who am I kidding, you only have that horrible yellow crap!) 2 cloves garlic minced Salt and pepper 2 teaspoons dry herb (use whatever you can find. What are you saving that stuff for?)

Instructions Pick the flowers off the dandelion greens (these are edible too, I suggest beer battering them and frying them, but that's another recipe and I'm not getting paid for this).

Trim the hairy roots from the greens and discard.

Wash all the dirt from the greens, cut them in half at the base keeping the leaves attached and soak in clean cold water.

Wisk all other ingredients together until they are a cohesive solution.

Drain and pat dry the greens and dress them with the vinaigrette.

Enjoy by yourself!!

SCHUYLAR CROOM - HE IS LEGEND

VEGGIE PASTA WITH VEGAN ASS WHITE SAUCE

Ingredients 1 medium onion chopped 3 cloves of garlic Red bell pepper julienned Broccoli florets Mushrooms sliced thin Zucchini halved and sliced Yellow squash quartered and sliced 1 or 4 splashes of white wine

Finisher Sauce 1/4 cup of unsweetened oat milk 1 or 2 tbs coconut oil 1/4 cup vegan mayo A few handfuls of vegan cheese (I used a vegan pepper jack by Daiya and a bit of Follow Your Heart Parmesan) 1/3 cup of Nutritional yeast Fresh basil

Herbs and Spices Kosher Salt Fresh ground pepper Herbes de Provence Some other optional shit

Pasta Fettuccine noodles ( I like that Ancient Grain in the blue box.)

Instructions Boil salted water for your noodles and in a separate pot boil a few cups of water to blanche your broccoli. You’ll be mad if your water is not boiling before you start sautéing your veg... that shit goes quick, watched pots never boil.

In a large saucepan over med/high heat: Sauté onion for about 5 minutes until it is soft and almost translucent. Add chopped garlic until that smell wakes up your girlfriend. Boom you’re cooking. Salt and pepper that junk.

Add the peppers, mushrooms, zucchini and squash, hit it with some more salt and pepper. I like to throw in some Herbes de Provence and a TINY SPRINKLE of cayenne (a little goes a long way) plus some truffle salt because I’m fancy.

By now the lil pot should be boiling. Throw those broccoli guys in there and when they turn dark ass green drain them and throw them in the pot with the other veggies.

Shit’s all steamy now. It smells crazy good. Your girlfriend and your dog are in the kitchen salivating.

Hit those veggies with some white wine. I say a few dashes, but you’ll know. You’re gonna want to let that cook off for 3-5 minutes.

Maybe you’ve already put your noodles in. If so, they’re ready to drain. If not, get to it 9 minutes after the water starts boiling again (read the box)

Now your noodles are in the strainer. Make your partner divide that into bowls.

After the wine has cooked off, add the veganaise, coconut oil, vegan cheeses and the nutritional yeast and stir all of that up until melty and gooey and combined with the veggies. I like the throw in about half a cup of chopped sliced basil and leave a little for a garnish after you’ve topped your pasta with this creamy ass veggie goodness.

OH! Pro tip: Garlic bread. (Do this 40 minutes ago before starting anything else.)

Take 2 heads of garlic and peel most of the skin off but leave bulb intact.

Chop the very top of the head off the garlic to expose the clove (like 1/16 of the top).

Place it in tinfoil and close it up around the sides. Douse with a generous amount of olive oil and salt and pepper all over that opening on the bulb and close the foil up tight around the top. Create a little oven inside your oven.

Bake at 375 for 40 minutes. You’ll smell it.

Let it cool well.

Toast a loaf of French bread.

Those little garlic cloves will pop out like little teardrops of pure heaven. Smear that junk on your toasted bread and thank me later. The oil is now roasted garlic oil. You could drizzle that on the bread too or over the damn pasta that’s in the bowl.

(Be careful. You will want to skip the steps of letting the bulbs cool. They are unforgivingly hot and will burn your flesh.)

#He Is Legend #Grayscale #Atreyu #New Found Glory #Periphery #August Burns Red #Mayday Parade #Gwar #I The Mighty #The Used #Movements #interview

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dragonflybelle · 7 years ago

Text

Osomatsu-san PS Vita game translation - Choromatsu-08 - Does Choromatsu dream of electric sheep?

Choromatsu: Hello. Dekapan.

Dekapan: They're finally complete!! The sextuplet androids who will save the world!!

Choromatsu: (Sextuplet androids...!? ...Huh? Why am I hiding? Well, whatever. I'll wait for the right time and show my face.)

Dekapan: With these we'll be fine even if the trend towards an ageing population continues. And we've secured a supply of young labourers too. This is the greatest invention of the century. Winning the Noble Prize is no longer just a dream. I must keep these androids a secret until then.

Choromatsu: (Hmm hmm... In other words, those aren't cleaning robots, but earning robots... ) No way, I could get a lot of use out of those!!

Dekapan: Hmm? Did I hear something just now?

Choromatsu: (Oops, how silly of me, I spoke without thinking. I'll cover it up by pretending to be a cat) Meow.

Dekapan: Oh, was it a cat? It must have snuck in somewhere. I'm going to buy you some food, so wait here.

Choromatsu: Meow.

Dekapan: Hoe hoe, before I do that, I have to hide these androids in the basement.

Dekapan: That will do. I'm going now, kitty. Wait for me.

Choromatsu: ...Good, I covered for myself well. And I had no idea that he has a secure underground storage area. I'm sure Dekapan pressed the furthest right button out of these three. Oh, there they are!! Looking at them closely, they really are well made. If I use these, I'll be able to rake it in even if I don't work myself... I had come to ask Dekapan to make a drug that would allow me to graduate from being a NEET and a virgin, but... It's alright for me to borrow these now, isn't it? If I return them when the ageing population problem has reached its peak, he probably won't even notice... Yeah, that's what I'll do!! I'll use these and graduate NEEThood before my brothers!! For the time being, I've got to get these out of here before Dekapan gets back... They are androids, so I suppose they can move by themselves...? Ah, there's a button on their back! I think I'll start with my model... but if the button does something weird it'll be a pain, so let's start with the oldest brother.

Android O: HELLO. YOU HAVE ACTIVATED THE OSOMATSU ANDROID. ARE YOU MY MASTER?

Choromatsu: Oh!! That's amazing!! He called me master!! I'd love it if there was a Nyaa-chan model!!!! Then I'd have her call me master!!!!

Android O: PLEASE ANSWER. ARE YOU MY MASTER?

Choromatsu: Right, I am your master.

Android O: UNDERSTOOD. FROM NOW ON I WILL ACT UPON YOUR ORDERS. I AM PLEASED TO BE OF SERVICE.

Choromatsu: Oh, thank you. (What is this feeling, a sense of superiority like I've never experienced before...! I'll activate all of them and became the master of all six, no wait, their god!!)

Android O: WELCOME.

Android K: HOW MANY ARE IN YOUR PARTY?

Android C: HAVE YOU DECIDED WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO ORDER?

Android I: A SANDWICH AND A COFFE, IS THAT RIGHT?

Android J: THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

Android T: THAT WILL BE 850 YEN.

Choromatsu: The androids are working hard. aren't they? I think this place pays pay the day... Ah, the wages from six people. It's like a dream. Ah, bring me a chocolate parfait.

Android C: RIGHT AWAY SIR.

Android T: MASTER, THESE ARE THE PROFITS FOR TODAY.

Android K: PLEASE ACCEPT THEM.

Android O: WE EARNED ABOUT 8000 YEN PER PERSON.

Android I: 8 MULTIPLIED BY 6 MAKES A TOTAL OF 48,000 YEN.

Choromatsu: 4, 48,000 yen!!!? Rounded up that makes 50,000!!

Android J: WE CAN WORK EVEN MORE!

Choromatsu: Wahahahaha, this is the first time I've ever earned 50,000 yen in a daaaay!! I haven't even won this much at pachinko!! If I can make this much in a day, then making ten million in a month isn't just a dream.

Android C: THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE.

Choromatsu: You're supposed to be based on me!! Don't give up like that!!

Android C: YES.

Choromatsu: Alright. Well, you guys should make my life even more comfortable.

Android J: YES SIR!! WHAT SPECIFICALLY WOULD YOU LIKE US TO DO?

Choromatsu: ...What should I do?

Android C: WHO KNOWS... WE ONLY FOLLOW MASTER'S ORDERS.

Android I: ASKING US FOR OPINIONS ONLY INCONVENIENCES US.

Android K: I DON'T KNOW!!

Choromatsu: ...I feel like they're kind of getting more and more like the originals...?

Android O: IT IS JUST YOUR IMAGINATION. YOUR IMAGINATION.

Choromatsu: Really? ...Well, whatever. Anyway, at times like this I can call that person. Ah, hello. This is Choromatsu. There's something I'd like to ask you about. How do you think I can use androids to make my life more comfortable?

Option One: Borrow even more androids?

Choromatsu: Of course... The more slaves I have the better. ...Alright. I'll sneak in to Dekapan's lab tonight and see if there are any more androids.

Choromatsu: The button for the underground storage unit was the rightmost of the three, therefore... the other two buttons must be for other storage units... I'll test it by pressing the button in the middle. Oh! I was right! One came down from the ceiling. ...Huh? But there are only three... That must mean the other three will appear if I press the left button... Yes!! Oops, that was risky. It wouldn't be good if Dekapan found me. Still, coming out from behind a picture on the wall, that's a classic hiding place. It says test model, but they don't look any different from the finished product, I suppose it will be alright. Now I can earn as much money as I like!)

Dekapan: Hoeeeeee!! The sextuplet androids are gone!! Hoe hoe!? Even the test models!? But the test models have a massive defect. If I don't find them soon, it's going to be terrible!!

Choromatsu: Come now, work hard for me again today, androids.

Android J: YES SIR!!

Jyushimatsu: Hello!!

Ichimatsu: ...Lo.

Android I: WELCOME.

Ichimatsu: !!!?

Jyushimatsu: Huh? Huh? There are two Ichimatsu-niisans!!

Ichimatsu: There are two of you too, Jyushimatsu.

Jyushimatsu: A whole lotta me!! It's true!!

Choromatsu: It's too noisy out here. Who is.... ah.

Ichimatsu: Ah.

Jyushimatsu: Choromatsu-niisan!!

Choromatsu: Why are you here?

Ichimatsu: Because Jyushimatsu said he wanted to eat a parfait.

Choromatsu: Do you have money?

Jyushimatsu: It's alright!! We just won at pachinko!!

Choromatsu: Ok, I'll let you order.

Ichimatsu: You seem kind of full of yourself.

Choromatsu: Because I'm the manager of the androids Matsus who work here.

Ichimatsu: Android Matsus?

Choromatsu: Yeah. Androids who can work in place of humans.

Jyushimatsu: That's why there are two of all of us!! Doppelgängers!!

Choromatsu: Well, something like that. They’re quite splendid when compared to the originals and they work hard for me.

Jyushimatsu: Then it's alright if I order a lot!

Choromatsu: If you have the money you can order whatever you like.

Ichimatsu: Ok, I'll have cream and red bean paste fruit salad.

Android I: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Jyushimatsu: I'll have, I'll have shaved ice and jumbo grilled chicken skewers and fried chicken and pancakes and a parfait.

Android J: THANK YO…

Jyushimatsu: And rice omelette and curry and a hamburger and steak and fried rice and.

Choromatsu: Hey, Jyushimatsu?

Android J: TH TH TH THANK YOU VER.

Jyushimatsu: And also, Chinese stir fry and skewered rice cakes with soy sauce and chilli shrimp and fancy tuna!!

Android J: TH, TH TH, TH TH TH TH TH.

Choromatsu: Wah wah wah wah, the android seems to be acting kind of strange!!

Dekapan: Hoe hoe!! Take cover!!

Choromatsu: Eh?

Ichimatsu: ?

Jyushimatsu: Professor Dekapan! Hello...

Choromatsu: ...

Ichimatsu: Cough.

Jyushimatsu: Wow!! It exploded!!

Dekapan: Hoe hoe... I didn't install the three laws of robotics into the test models yet.

Ichimatsu: What's that?

Dekapan: It's for safety and things like that. That's why if the robot's processor can't keep up it self-destructs.

Jyushimatsu: Self-destruct, self-destruct!!

Ichimatsu: ...Anyway, the cafe was blown away, so what are you going to do?

Cafe owner: Choromatsu-kun, I'm expecting compensation for the damages.

Choromatsu: O, owner!!!?

Cafe owner: This is how much it will be.

Choromatsu: One, one one, one hundred million yen!!?

Jyushimatsu: Choromatsu-niisan, wanna go to pachinko?

Ichimatsu: Even if you win, it's still impossible.

Choromatsu: Nooooooooooo!!

Option Two: Try working yourself

Choromatsu: ... That's right. If all I do is make androids work for me, then I really will become the worst of the scummy NEETS. The androids will support me for sure, so I can try my best to work...

Choromatsu: Welcome.

Android T: MASTER, ONE ORDER FOR RICE OMLETTE.

Choromatsu: Got it! Android Osomatsu, get some water for the new customers!

Android O: ALRIGHT.

Choromatsu: Hah, I worked hard again today!! It does feel good to break a sweat working after all!! It's great!! I feel like I'm really alive!! Being a NEET is wasting your life!!

Osomatsu: Hey, what's with him. Showing off his high self-awareness as soon as he comes home. Surely it's all in your mind. Are you living off you own delusions?

Todomatsu: It is annoying, isn't it? But it looks like he really is working.

Osomatsu: Eh, seriously?

Todomatsu: Seriously.

Osomatsu: Wah, he's really started working!? Isn't it unfair of him to break out from the pack?

Choromatsu: Oi, I can hear you, you scummy NEETs. And what do you mean by unfair!? NEETs have no need to stick together.

Todomatsu: Do you think it's ok to call someone a dry monster!? It really hurts.

Osomatsu: Big brother is hurt too.

Choromatsu: You guys are really infuriating!!

Osomatsu: And that's why we're going tomorrow.

Choromatsu: What so you mean by "that's why"?

Todomatsu: That's good. Show us more of your high level self-awareness.

Choromatsu: You're making fun of me!!

Osomatsu: No, we're not. Ah, we don't have any money, so can you give us a discount?

Todomatsu: Thanks.

Choromatsu: I definitely won't give you a discount!? (Those two, they won't really show up, will they..)

Osomatsu: Ah, I'm thirsty.

Todomatsu: I want to eat French toast.

Choromatsu: (They're here!!)

Android O: WELCOME.

Osomatsu: Thanks... wait... eh?

ANDROID T: WOULD YOU LIKE TO SMOKE?

Todomatsu: N...o...?

Osomatsu: Eh, why is there another me?

Todomatsu: Why is there another me?

Android O: IDENTICAL BEING IDENTIFIED. WHIRR WHIRR WHIRR

Android T: WHIRR WHIRR WHIRR WHIRR Error, error!!

Choromatsu: Eh, what's happening?

Android C: MASTER WAS SET UP IN THE SYSTEM WHEN WE WERE ACTIVATED, SO THERE IS NO PROBLEM, BUT ORDINARILY, IF WE ENCOUNTER ANOTHER PERSON WHO LOOKS THE SAME, IT CAUSES AN ERROR. BECAUSE TWO THINGS WHICH ARE EXACTLY THE SAME CANNOT EXIST IN THIS WORLD.

Choromatsu: What kind of setup is that?

Android C: BY THE WAY, IF AN ERROR OCCURS FOR ONE OF US, IT CAUSES A CHAIN REACTION AND WE ALL SELF DESTRUCT.

Choromatsu: ...Heh?

Android C: SO FAREWELL, MASTER.

Choromatsu: No wayyyyyyyyy!?

Cafe owner: Choromatsu, filling in for the six of them we just lost is up to you.

Choromatsu: ...THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Option Three: Why don't you spilt them up and see if they can be of use to your idol fan activities.

Choromatsu: ...It's exactly as that person says. If I make a shift pattern for work and idol fan stuff and use the androids, my life will become even more comfortable!! Alright!!

Choromatsu: Ah, this is happiness. If I use the androids, I can get six of the limited to one per person Nysa-chan handshake tickets. And I can get Nyaa-chan goods without having to line up. This is the best!

Karamatsu: I'm back.

Choromatsu: Welcome back, Karama... Who are you?

Karamatsu: Heh, a sudden incident caused my precious face to become damaged, but my brightness will...

Choromatsu: Ah, it is you after all, Karamatsu. What happened to your face?

Karamatsu: Listen carefully, brother. I was suddenly punched by someone when I was walking down the street just now. It was over in a flash so I didn't see their face... But then another guy appeared. He said something like, "That's the guy who always buys up all of the Nyaa-chan merchandise!" I had no idea what he was talking about, but he was probably jealous of my charm. Heh, it's tough being an awesome guy...

Choromatsu: ...Is, is that so.

Karamatsu: Come to think of it, our other brothers have been targeted a lot by random attackers recently. You should watch out too, Choromatsu.

Choromatsu: Uhh... Yeah... Thanks.

Karamatsu: Hmm? What is it? You've gone pale.

Choromatsu: Th, that can't be true!? I haven't done anything, I don't know anything...

Android C: MASTER, I BOUGHT ALL OF THE NYAA-CHAN GOODS.

Choromatsu: !!

Android K: I SAW KARAMATSU ALONG THE WAY AND I PUNCHED HIM JUST LIKE YOU ORDERED.

Choromatsu: Hey, hey hey hey!

ANDROID C: WE WILL GET RID OF ANYWAY WHO LOOKS LIKE THEY MIGHT BECOME A NYAA-CHAN FAN STRAIGHT AWAY, EVEN IF THEY ARE YOUR BROTHERS.

Choromatsu: ...

Karamatsu: ...

Choromatsu: ...

Karamatsu: ...Oh my brother.

Choromatsu: No, this is, erm...

Karamatsu: Androids.

Android C: YES.

Karamatsu: Is it possible to change who your master is? Can you?

Android C: YES, WE CAN. IF YOU GIVE US SOMETHING WE CAN CHANGE OUR MASTER.

Choromatsu: You conniving androids!!

Karamatsu: Then I'll buy you some new parts with the money I won at the horse races earlier. Shiny new parts.

Android K: MASTER!!

Android C: MASTER!!

Choromatsu: You!!!!!!!!!!!!

Karamatsu: Choromatsu, this is a punishment for hurting your flesh and blood brothers. I have faith that you can mend your wicked ways.

Android K: MASTER IS SO MERCIFUL. CHOROMATSU IS A TERRIBLE BROTHER.

Android C: IT IS HARD TO BELIEVE YOU ARE THE THIRD OLDEST.

Karamatsu: Don't say any more things like that. My poor brother.

Choromatsu: Don't look at me like thaaaaaaat!!

#osomatsu san #mr osomatsu #translation #game #PS Vita #choromatsu #Does Choromatsu dream of electric sheep #long post #Hachamecha shuushoku

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playinonaloop · 7 years ago

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Bathbomb - C.B

That wasn’t funny

This isn’t what it looks like! Okay… Maybe it is.

Stop texting me weird stuff so late at night

Requested by: @noodleswdw

Sundays have always been your favourite day of the week, for multiple reasons. One of the reasons being, you didn’t had to do homework. But since you moved out to L.A. the feeling of being totally free on sunday slowly started to fade. It totally got ruined when you finally got into your dorm room and started college. Even when you were free from school work, you were still too busy with bills and food and even work to relax.

This sunday wasn’t supposed to be any different, you had a script to finish for your writing class. You woke up after a short night, already being sleepdeprived everything went wrong from the moment you got up. Starting off by tripping on your sweatpants that were lying on the floor, causing to wake up your bestfriend who was still sleeping after a night out, which you didn’t go to since you were up all night working on your script. ‘My gosh.. Can’t you be a little more quiet?! I am trying to sleep here!’ She spat angrily, you softly mumble lots of sorry’s before putting your sweatpants on and hurrying to the shared kitchen. You quickly open the cabinet and your beloved mug drops out of it and shatters right for your eyes. A foul curse leaves your mouth as you start cleaning up the bits and pieces ‘No coffee for me today..’ You sigh as it comes to your mind that you still had to go to the store to get some coffee beans.

After eating burned toast with only butter since you also ran out of eggs, you quickly put on some make-up to get ready to finish your script and maybe even see your boyfriend Corbyn if you could finish it before six. When you finally sat yourself down with a bottle of water and your laptop, you recieved a text from Corbyn.

Corbeann: Hii babe! I know you will probably be very busy today but I just wanted to let you know I love you and I hope I’ll see you today. Also please let me know if you’re coming by today, maybe you can come over for dinner and a movie? I’ll cook!

This boy never failed to make you smile and even though your day started off rough, Corbyn didn’t fail once again. With a bright smile on your mouth you face time him.

‘Heyy baby’ His raspy voice came through and you went all fuzy, his morning voice was the cutest and it was one of the things you loved about him.

‘Hello love, did you just wake up?’ Now his face comes to the camera and you see a sleepy Corbyn. ‘Yes I did, how is that script coming along babe?’ ‘Well.. I am so close to finishing it but like I don’t know how to end it. I have four or even five ideas on how to end it.’ He just stared at you, his eyes locked on yours. ‘Watcha looking at?’ You giggle, starting your laptop and opening the script. ‘Well, I am currently looking at the most beautiful woman in my life who is so stressed about a script and is still looking stunning while being stressed.’ A blush crept on your cheeks as you looked away ‘Thank you babe’ You softly say as you turn back to facetime. ‘I have to go now, hopefully I’ll finish it soon’ ‘Wait! Are you coming over for dinner or not? It would be so nice.’ He looked at you nervously. ‘Yes ofcourse, I’ll be there around six alright?’ ‘Yay! Love you babe.’ ‘I love you too.’

A few hours later, you put the last page of your script in your binder. It took you around full 4 hours of rewriting and even writing different endings but you made it just in time. You quickly grab your bag and keys, running off to make it just in time.

You walk in right on time to see Corbyn running around, fully covered in flower and what looks like egg. ‘What the actual…’ Two seconds later Jack comes running past you, he looked even worse then Corbyn. His curls wear covered in egg yolk and he was carying a bag of sugar. A laugh escapes your mouth while you walk behind them, you quickly took out your phone to get some footage. Jonah saw you first and kept quiet while you filmed the boys fighting eachother with eggs and flower and salt. Corbyn then turned around and went red as soon as he saw you ‘Hey babe.. This isn’t what it looks like! ’ Jack turned around too, dropping the bag of sugar as he just sneaked off. ‘Oh really? ‘Cause it looks like you didn’t cook but had a food fight without me?!’ The corners of your mouth are so tempted to turn upwards. ‘Okay… Maybe it is.’ He started to come closer, you slowly stepped backwards. ’Come here babe, I want a hug’ His smirk told you that you had about 4 seconds before you would also be covered in flower, eggs and sugar. You quickly threw your bag on the couch outside and took a sprint to the kitchen to escape from Corbyn, who was now running after you. ‘BABE! COME HERE I WANT MY HUG!’ ‘NOT WHEN YOU LOOK LIKE THAT!’ Luckily, you weren’t in a bad shape so you kept running around the house. At some point, you thought you had lost him and you took a quick breath. You felt someone pull you into a hug and before you knew it you were fully covered in flower and eggs. He started laughing, ‘Haha! I got you, but damn my girl is atlethic.’ you felt his lips kissing your neck as you just gave up and turned around. ‘I hate you, this is my fave shirt and now it’s ruined!’ You acted like a drama queen, fake tears and all. ‘Sorry babe, I’ll get you a new one.’ He softly places a kiss on your in flower covered hair. ‘You know that this wasn’t funny’

When the two of you went back to the kitchen, Corbyn quickly leads you away to the dining table. It was perfectly set up, romantic lights, soft music and a fully dressed table. ‘Baby..’ you whine softly as you start to smile. You turn around to look at him, you find him staring at you. ‘I love you’ And that was all he needed, he pulled you into a tight hug, your lips finally making contact. The kiss was soft and gentle. ‘I love you too, but you have to sit down now, I’ll get the food.’ He pecked a quick kiss on your lips and turned around back to the kitchen. You sighted, sat down and waited patiently on Corbyn. This boy had your head spinning, making you fall in love with him even more on a daily base. After a few minutes he came back with two plates, you couldn’t directlty see what it was. ‘So we’ll start off with roasted vegetables with some mashed potatoes and for you a small piece of steak.’ He put the plate down infront of you ‘This smells amazing babe!’ You patiently wait until he’s seated, when he is, the two of you dig in and have an amazing dinner without being interreputed by any of the boys.

After desert, the two of you head upstairs. Corbyn had a whole night planned out but first you really had to wash off the flower and eggs since it started to itch. ‘I’ll run the bath, we’re too dirty to go into my bed like this!’ A small giggle left your mouth as you picked out a bathbomb. ‘You really like that one don’t you?’ His breath made your hairs stand up straight. ‘Mmhm’ You softly hummed as you turned around, brushing his lips as you walked away towards the bath. His arms shyly wrapped around your waist. Although the two of you had showered together many times before, every time Corbyn would take it slow with you, making sure you were as good as you could be while getting naked with him. ‘May I?’ You turned around, making eye contact with him and nodding. He tugged on your shirt and then slowly pulled it off. You took his shirt off and his pants too. ‘Come on babe, I’m getting cold.’ He slowly took of your pants too. ‘I am fine, Corbyn, let’s just get in.’

You just wanted to close your eyes for two seconds, just to relax a bit. But when you opened them, you realised that it had been a bit longer that two seconds. You were still laying on his chest and Corbyn was sleeping, the water had gone cold. A quick look on your phone told you that it was half past nine and that you had so many follow requests, it made you wonder what did Corbyn or one of the boys post? You open Instagram to see a cute picture of you and Corbyn at the dining table, fully covered in flower and eggs while eating dinner. Jonah snapped the photo and posted it on his story, with your name under it. Everyone knew you were Corbyns girlfriend but the two of you decided to keep your instagram private, at least the one you had since high school. You had created a second account since the fans wanted to follow you. But Jonah linked the wrong instagram, oh well it was private and it wouldn’t go off private soon.

Corbyn woke up shortly after you, the two of you decided to shower and Corbyn got ready for bed. You got ready to go back to your dorm.

‘Babe?’ ‘Yes?’ He grabbed your hand. ‘Thank you for tonight’ You leaned in for a kiss, Corbyn pulled you close deepening the kiss a bit. ‘I love you [Y/N].’ He smiled as you got into the car. You drove off , going back to the stress. But you know you could always come back, because Corbyn was your home and you was his.

Later that night you recieved lots of texts of Corbyn. Some were about Jonah linking the wrong insta and how sorry he was. And some of them were total random. The most random one came around 2 A.M after facetiming. It was a picture of an apartment in L.A. Corbyn wanted to buy it and live there with you.

[Y/N]: Stop texting me weird stuff so late at night babe.

Corbeann: But I want to live there with you babe!

[Y/N]: We will live together, you just gotta put a 💍 on it first! 😜

—-

Sooooo this is a Corbyn fic that didn’t turn out angsty, not really sure about it. Writing it was so much fun! Love y'all

#corbyn besson #corbyn besson imagine #corbyn besson fic #why dont we #wdw #jack avery #jonah marais #zach herron #daniel seavey #cute #couple #need #fluff #fic #imagine

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shandragdotson · 5 years ago

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Quarantine Cooking

Ah, cooking. The world is divided. There are those whom cooking sparks much joy, and those whom cooking sparks relatively (or absolutely no) joy.

These days, there’s the added challenge of cooking with limited ingredients, and scrounging through what’s left on the grocery shelves (where are you all-purpose flour?!). Not only that, but you’re trying to keep your grocery budget at a very manageable size. All these constraints? We love constraints. Because where there are constraints, creativity blooms.

I sat down with one of our unofficial YNAB cooking gurus, Emily, to pick her brain on all things groceries and food. By day, she manages team members’ travel arrangements and flawlessly coordinates mind-boggling logistics. By night, she’s a bonafide home-chef extraordinaire who became a master learning from her mom growing up. We sat down to chat.

Rachel: Have you wanted to cook more or less these days?

Emily: More. Definitely more! I don’t know what else to do. I’m not gonna go read something or make a craft, or play a game. Baking and cooking is my default, either that or talking to people. So now, during quarantine? I’m cooking.

Rachel: What have you been making?

Emily: Lots of pasta, sandwiches, things with beans, potatoes and eggs, stir fry, breakfast burritos. I bought udon noodles that are already cooked (you just have to steam them) and then I add frozen stir-fry veggies with egg and tofu. We use stuff from the freezer, like a roast I’ve been meaning to use.

Rachel: My mouth is watering already. Ok, so you clearly find a lot of joy in quarantine cooking. What tips do you have for someone who isn’t finding much joy in quarantine cooking?

Emily: You know, if dinner doesn’t look like dinner, it’s fine. If you eat cereal every night, it’s fine. Don’t stress about it looking a certain way. You’re rolling with the punches. You might say, “Ok, here’s how I’m feeling mentally right now, so we’re having toast. Eggs and toast. That’s it.” Don’t put too much pressure on yourself.

If or when you’re feeling up to it, this can be a time to be creative, experiment, and have fun. Cooking can be a mood booster: you’re creating something, you make a complete product (it usually tastes pretty good!), and it’s done. There are a few things to keep in mind if you don’t cook a lot to make it a more enjoyable experience:

If You Don’t Cook a Lot:

Start simple. Make recipes that include flavors you love but not too many ingredients.

Cook with somebody else on Zoom. Turn it into a virtual date with a friend.

Read the recipe all the way through before you make it.

Prep your ingredients before you start cooking.

Turn on music or an audiobook while you cook.

Give yourself plenty of time to do it. Make sure you’re not rushed or stressed.

Have the right stuff. If you have pans that are a mess, knives that are not sharp, it’s just not fun.

Rachel: And how about those that also find utter joy in cooking? We have all the time in the world now to create!

Emily: It’s a great time to experiment!

If You Cook a Lot and Want Some Inspiration:

Recreate your favorite restaurant recipes at home (note from Rachel: for shameless or closet Taco Bell fans, this crunchwrap supreme recipe is awesome and totally guilt-free in my book because it’s homemade)

Get fun ingredients like capers, artichoke hearts, sun-dried tomatoes (anything that makes something basic like pasta feel fancy or different).

Try picking up a cheese you’ve never heard of before and using it in a recipe. To me, new flavors feel more like a luxury.

Since flour is so hard to find, use a kind you’re not as familiar with and learn how to use it. Something like buckwheat flour isn’t actually wheat—It’s gluten free and you can use it to make pancakes, biscuits, waffles. Just be ready for them to look darker than you’re used to.

Try flourless desserts (flourless chocolate cake, no-bake cookies, rice krispie treats where you brown the butter).

Rachel: Brief aside, I tried this brown-the-butter trick after I talked with Emily (because of course I was craving rice krispie treats after we talked) and it was amazing. UH-MAZ-ING. Ok back to the low-key genius of Emily.

Look in the ethnic food aisles—there seems to be more items available there right now.

In stores where boneless skinless chicken breasts are out, try cooking a whole chicken, or use chicken thighs.

Use frozen veggies and fruits that aren’t as popular, like brussel sprouts, if you can’t find the normal varieties.

Rachel: What are some of the things in your quarantine pantry?

Emily: You know, I think of my pantry like a budget sometimes: you want the necessities covered but then you want some flexibility—you want things that make it fun.

I have so many beans! I usually buy canned beans, but now that I have an Instant Pot, I am more willing to cook dried beans.

Tuna

Soups

Canned peaches, pineapple, pears (I use canned peaches on oatmeal, or mix them for a fruit salad)

Canned green beans because they’re the only canned vegetable I really like

Powdered milk (I always have the non-instant kind to use for baking)

Rice

Lentils

Spaghetti sauce

Pasta

Salsa

Barbecue sauce

Cereal

Oats (old fashioned or steel cut)

Peanut butter

Sesame oil

Red pepper flakes

Ginger (fresh or ground)

Garlic

This is where it starts getting more fun:

Chocolate chips

Brownie mix

Ice cream (not really a pantry item, but can you blame me?)

Trail mix

Mixed nuts

My husband’s favorite crackers

Fun cereal

Rachel: What dishes would you recommend right now that are cheap, easy, and made with ingredients you can find in the store?

Emily:

Potatoes have been in stock at the store even when other staples aren’t. You can make a baked potato and put a chunky canned soup (or canned chili) on top. Bonus if you add cheese!

Baked sweet potatoes with shredded chicken and any sautéed veggies that sound good.

Make scrambled eggs with veggies and salsa

Make peanut sauce with stir-fry noodles and veggies. I use this peanut sauce recipe a lot, thinning it with hot water to taste.

Make tuna salad and add garbanzo or white beans to make it go further

Use black beans or pinto beans in taco meat, or kidney beans in sloppy joes (you can think of beans as a supplement to use less meat and make your meals more filling)

Rachel: Do you have any specific recipes to recommend?

Emily:

This lemon garbanzo feta salad is super easy to put together. Bulger is cut wheat that cooks super fast, can also be used for burgers and other salads or in soups so it’s a good pantry staple. It has a texture similar to steel cut oats. If you haven’t tried it, see what you think!

This artichoke-topped pasta is an example of what I was talking about to add fun things to pasta. You can easily add chicken to it.

Try a gnocchi recipe for a change! You can even use frozen spinach for this one, and canned beans.

Make Quinoa burgers or lentil burgers from your pantry staples

Try these toasted coconut caramel Rice Krispie Treats

Rachel: I can’t wait to go make all of these. Except those lentil burgers. They seem scary. But I’m pumped for the rest. Any final thoughts for the sheltered-at-home chefs out there?

Emily: I really just encourage you to take the pressure off of yourself however you can. Whether it means cooking a lot more as an outlet or whether it means the whole family eats cereal every night, give yourself permission to go whatever route you need each day.

Rachel: Well, there you have it! Quarantine cooking that’s heavy on joy, easy on the budget, and full of mostly-in-stock ingredients. What’s for dinner?!

Want tips for cooking on a budget? Watch Ashley take us through her cooking adventures:

youtube

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from Finance https://www.youneedabudget.com/quarantine-cooking/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

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lacepaint08-blog · 5 years ago

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No Bake Strawberry Mascarpone Tart

An elegant no bake strawberry tart with a creamy almond mascarpone filling. This tart recipe is perfect for spring or summer, requires only a handful of ingredients, and comes together quickly!

Strawberry Mascarpone Tart

Guys! I’m so excited to share this strawberry mascarpone tart recipe with you. It’s been a long time coming.

First off, it is shockingly simple to make, requires few ingredients, and is extremely fun to decorate and assemble. The absolute best part? This strawberry tart is a no bake dessert, which means that you won’t need to blind bake anything or even preheat the oven. You can also easily adapt the recipe with other flavors, berries, or seasonal fruit. I love it!

The tart requires a few steps, an hour of chill time in the refrigerator, and that’s about it. If you’re looking for a special treat for Mother’s Day, be sure to bookmark this one!

Secondly, and most importantly, this strawberry tart recipe hails from my good friend Jessica Merchant’s brand new cookbook The Pretty Dish. [Affiliate links included below.]

I’m pretty sure Jessica needs no introduction, but she is the incredibly talented, generous, and hard-working food blogger behind How Sweet Eats. Not only does she make some of the most creative, yet approachable recipes out there, she is also a fantastic writer. Jessica has poured her heart and soul into this book and it shows. I could literally gush on and on about it.

Her latest cookbook is packed with more than 150 brand new recipes, as well as 50 simple beauty DIY recipes (homemade face and hair masks, lip balms, bath melts, and lots more!), kitchen playlists, entertaining ideas, and more. It is such a fun mix!

Each recipe is also accompanied by a beautiful photograph too. I’ve been the lucky recipient of The Pretty Dish since its release in late March, and I’ve had the opportunity to make several recipes from it already. They’ve all been fantastic!

Why You’ll Love this Strawberry Tart Recipe:

I had the hardest time deciding on which recipe to share with you all, but I kept coming back to this beautiful tart. Not only are the ingredients just coming into season, but it would also be a wonderful Mother’s Day dessert. To quote Jessica:

“This strawberry tart looks super fancy but is pretty easy. It doesn’t require a ton of ingredients. And it tastes fantastic. The filling is almond-flavored mascarpone and oh-so-creamy. A bit like cheesecake, but creamier and not as rich. Plus, it comes together in minutes.”

In the original recipe, Jessica suggests keeping the strawberries whole and slicing them into roses. Since my strawberries were all different sizes, I chose to forgo the strawberry roses in lieu of layered slices. I’ve included instructions for both options!

Since this is a no bake dessert, it goes without being said that this tart is ideal for entertaining on hot summer days!

Strawberry Mascarpone Tart: Ingredient Breakdown

The tart crust is a simple mixture of graham cracker crumbs, almond meal (or almond flour – they’re interchangeable in this recipe!), melted butter, and almond butter. It comes together in seconds and gives the tart great texture.

The filling is made up of mascarpone cheese, powdered sugar, and almond extract. It has a very distinct almond flavor. The mascarpone mixture is thick and creamy, yet isn’t overly sweet, which I absolutely love. I added a touch of vanilla bean paste (substitute 1:1 with vanilla extract) to my version. Once the filling is added to the crust, it needs to set in the fridge for a minimum of one hour – otherwise it won’t slice cleanly.

The tart is topped with fresh strawberries then drizzled with honey and garnished with toasted almond slices for texture and fresh mint.

One of the reasons why I love this recipe so much, aside from its wonderful taste, is that it can be adapted in so many ways. Strawberries and almonds pair extremely well together, but you could easily adapt this recipe with other seasonal berries, stone fruit, etc.

You can also mix up the crust with other nut flours or cookie crumbs. Get creative and give it your own twist!

If you love this recipe, be sure to pick yourself up a copy – The Pretty Dish would also make a fantastic gift for a girlfriend or loved one too!

No Bake Strawberry Mascarpone Tart

Yield: 6 Servings

Prep Time: 15 minutes

Cook Time: 0 minutes

Total Time: 1 Hour 30 minutes

This strawberry tart recipe is perfect for spring or summer, requires only a handful of ingredients, and comes together quickly! This recipe can be adapted easily with other summer berries or stone fruit. The tart crust and mascarpone filling can be prepped one to two days ahead – leave off the fruit until the day of to ensure the best texture and prevent any weeping.

Ingredients:

Crust:

3/4 cup (90 grams) graham cracker crumbs

3/4 cup (60 grams) almond meal or almond flour

5 tablespoons (75 grams) unsalted butter, melted

3 tablespoons (50 grams) almond butter, melted

Filling:

12 ounces (340 grams) mascarpone cheese, at room temperature

1/4 cup (30 grams) powdered sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla bean paste (or pure vanilla extract)

1 teaspoon pure almond extract

16 ounces (2 pints) fresh strawberries, stemmed, and thinly sliced

1 tablespoon (20 grams) honey

3 tablespoons sliced almonds, toasted

fresh mint leaves, for garnishing (optional)

Directions:

Prepare the crust: In a bowl, stir together the graham cracker crumbs, almond meal (or flour), butter, and almond butter until combined and all the crumb are moistened. Press the crust into an 8-inch round tart pan (*the original recipe in the book was prepared in a 14″ x 4″ tart pan, this recipe will also work with this size). If desired, use the bottom of a small measuring cup to tamp the crust down evenly. Set aside.

Prepare the filling: In a bowl, stir together the mascarpone, sugar, vanilla bean paste (or extract), and almond extract until creamy and combined. Spread evenly over the graham crust. Refrigerate for at least 1 hour.

While the tart is in the fridge, slice the strawberries. Trim off the stems and slice vertically into thin slices. Remove the tart from the fridge and distribute the strawberry slices onto the mascarpone filling – feel free to do this however you wish. To achieve a similar look as the photos above: starting from the outside of the tart and working your way in, layer the strawberry slices next to each other, in a circular pattern with the pointed ends facing out. Repeat, layering the strawberry slices slightly with each circle and so on.

Drizzle the tart with honey. Garnish with sliced almonds and mint, if using.

Serve immediately or keep in the fridge, covered loosely with plastic wrap, until ready to serve.

Reprinted (with a few minor changes) with permission from The Pretty Dish by Jessica Merchant.

All images and text ©A Beautiful Plate.

Tips For Success:

To make graham cracker crumbs, place broken graham cracker cookies (this recipe requires roughly 6 full pieces!) in a food processor. Pulse repeatedly until finely crumbed.

To toast almond slices, heat almonds in a dry skillet over medium heat for a few minutes, stirring frequently, until golden in color. Transfer to a separate bowl and cool completely.

Source: https://www.abeautifulplate.com/strawberry-mascarpone-tart/

0 notes

drylip0-blog · 6 years ago

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No Bake Strawberry Mascarpone Tart

An elegant no bake strawberry tart with a creamy almond mascarpone filling. This tart recipe is perfect for spring or summer, requires only a handful of ingredients, and comes together quickly!

Strawberry Mascarpone Tart

Guys! I’m so excited to share this strawberry mascarpone tart recipe with you. It’s been a long time coming.

The tart requires a few steps, an hour of chill time in the refrigerator, and that’s about it. If you’re looking for a special treat for Mother’s Day, be sure to bookmark this one!

Secondly, and most importantly, this strawberry tart recipe hails from my good friend Jessica Merchant’s brand new cookbook The Pretty Dish. [Affiliate links included below.]

Why You’ll Love this Strawberry Tart Recipe:

Since this is a no bake dessert, it goes without being said that this tart is ideal for entertaining on hot summer days!

Strawberry Mascarpone Tart: Ingredient Breakdown

The tart is topped with fresh strawberries then drizzled with honey and garnished with toasted almond slices for texture and fresh mint.

You can also mix up the crust with other nut flours or cookie crumbs. Get creative and give it your own twist!

If you love this recipe, be sure to pick yourself up a copy – The Pretty Dish would also make a fantastic gift for a girlfriend or loved one too!

No Bake Strawberry Mascarpone Tart

Yield: 6 Servings

Prep Time: 15 minutes

Cook Time: 0 minutes

Total Time: 1 Hour 30 minutes

Ingredients:

Crust:

3/4 cup (90 grams) graham cracker crumbs

3/4 cup (60 grams) almond meal or almond flour

5 tablespoons (75 grams) unsalted butter, melted

3 tablespoons (50 grams) almond butter, melted

Filling:

12 ounces (340 grams) mascarpone cheese, at room temperature

1/4 cup (30 grams) powdered sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla bean paste (or pure vanilla extract)

1 teaspoon pure almond extract

16 ounces (2 pints) fresh strawberries, stemmed, and thinly sliced

1 tablespoon (20 grams) honey

3 tablespoons sliced almonds, toasted

fresh mint leaves, for garnishing (optional)

Directions:

Drizzle the tart with honey. Garnish with sliced almonds and mint, if using.

Serve immediately or keep in the fridge, covered loosely with plastic wrap, until ready to serve.

Reprinted (with a few minor changes) with permission from The Pretty Dish by Jessica Merchant.

Tips For Success:

To make graham cracker crumbs, place broken graham cracker cookies (this recipe requires roughly 6 full pieces!) in a food processor. Pulse repeatedly until finely crumbed.

To toast almond slices, heat almonds in a dry skillet over medium heat for a few minutes, stirring frequently, until golden in color. Transfer to a separate bowl and cool completely.

Source: https://www.abeautifulplate.com/strawberry-mascarpone-tart/

0 notes

chairfreon5-blog · 6 years ago

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3 Filling & Cheap Vegan Recipes Under $1.50/serving + VIDEO

I hope you enjoy these cheap vegan recipes! Each is under $1.50 per serving, and doesn’t skimp on flavor or nourishment. I think you’ll also enjoy how easy these cheap vegan recipes are to make. These are all staples in my household, so I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. Don’t miss the video & full recipes down below!

Being vegan doesn’t require you to spend a lot of money on food, or a lot of time in the kitchen. Just like any way of eating, you *can* splurge on luxury ingredients, but they are totally unnecessary for making delicious and filling meals. In fact the ingredients that I most recommend for maintaining a healthy balanced vegan diet, also happen to be the least expensive: whole grains, legumes, and vegetables. For generations these plant-based foods sustained the world’s population, and eating them has always been the most efficient and least expensive ways to get your necessary nutrients and calories. Look at the traditional cuisine (pre-industrialization) of most of the world’s ethnic groups and you’ll find plant-based cuisine at the center.

In the twenty-first century we access to all sorts of plant-based food, from all around the world. It’s never been a better more delicious time to be plant-based or vegan. And luckily it’s still affordable. Beans and other legumes are still far less expensive than meat and dairy, whole grains like rice and oats are still easily accessible, and veggies are still the most nutrient dense foods.

Now, let’s eat!! Watch the video below, then keep scrolling for the recipes…

I find that it’s incredibly easy to make cheap vegan recipes. Actually, the recipes I’m sharing today are already delicious easy-to-make staples in our household, they just happen to also be cheap!

If eating vegan on a budget is your goal, keep in mind the following:

You don’t have to shop at a health food store or fancy grocer to buy staple products like legumes, grains, or veggies. Your local grocery store should have everything you need.

Utilize websites like Thrive Market to find inexpensive “fancy foods” (ex, wholesome sweeteners, prepackaged vegan products, and organic non-perishables). Use my link to save $20 on your first 3 orders!

If you have the space––even if it’s just in your window sill––grow your own herbs, fruits, and veggies. Or join a community garden if you have the time and desire.

Shop at the farmer’s market for awesome deals on locally grown and nutritious veggies and fruits.

Don’t necessarily prioritize organic. Depending on where you live and the time of year, conventionally grown local produce may be more nutritious (especially if the organic produce had to travel long distances to reach your supermarket), and it’ll certainly be less expensive.

Shop at stores like Costco, Aldi, ethnic grocery stores, and Trader Joes for fantastic prices on produce and other vegan staples. For example: Costco has great prices on bulk size packaged goods like Gardein, Asian grocery stores have the least expensive and widest selection of great mushrooms, and Indian markets have the freshest spices at amazing prices.

Shop in bulk. We buy legumes, whole grains, nuts, seeds, and dried fruit in bulk because it’s cheaper per pound. We also love that we can eliminate plastic buy using our own reusable containers and bags when we fill up. You’ll find bulk sections in typical health food stores, but also larger chains like Sprouts.

Check out Imperfect Produce: a subscription service that delivers produce to your door for 30-50% less than you’d buy it for in the store. Why? They sell fresh produce that may not sell in a mainstream grocery store because it’s got an imperfection. This produce may otherwise go to waste! Imperfections include silly things like: too small, too big, not perfectly shaped, too long, too short…Check them out!

Join a local CSA (Community Supported Agriculture), the original produce subscription concept. In a CSA you pay a small fee every month or week, and in return get a large box of seasonal produce from a local farm. You can’t choose what you get, but it’s a lot of fun to discover what the farmer has packed up for you each week, and you’ll save lots of money.

Shop with the seasons. Ever notice how expensive a mango is in December, and how the price drops in April? That’s because it’s not in season all year. Produce is it’s least expensive when it is in season, and usually more nutritious too. By shopping at the farmer’s market and/or joining a CSA, you can’t help but shop in season. However, keep the seasons in mind when you’re planning your meals and shopping lists.

SWEET POTATO RED LENTIL CURRY $1.48/serving $5.91 entire dish

Sweet Potato Red Lentil Curry | Cheap Vegan Recipes

This is one of my favorite go-to cheap vegan recipes. It's so easy to make, and absolutely delicious. The recipe is pretty straight forward. Feel free to expand on it by adding white potatoes, cauliflower, broccoli, or whatever else you might desire.

Ingredients

2 teaspoons cooking oil

1 tablespoon Indian curry powder

2 teaspoons ground cumin

½ yellow onion, diced

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 inch ginger, minced

1 cup red lentils, rinsed

2 large sweet potatoes, cubed

1 can coconut milk

4 cups water + 1 tbsp vegetable bouillon paste

1 teaspoon black pepper

juice of 1-2 limes

salt to taste

2 cups cooked brown rice

½ cup fresh cilantro, chopped

Instructions

Warm the oil in a large dutch oven or soup pot on medium heat.

Add the curry powder and cumin, and fry for about 30 seconds. Stir it halfway through.

Add the onions, garlic, and ginger, and sauté until the onions start turning translucent.

Add the red lentils and sweet potatoes. Stir well, and cook for 30 seconds.

Add the coconut milk and water + bouillon paste.

Cook for 30 minutes with the lid ajar on medium heat: until the lentils and sweet potato are tender.

Add the black pepper, and lime juice (start with the juice of 1 lime, and add more if necessary).

Season to taste with salt.

Serve over cooked rice and garnish with fresh cilantro.

3.5.3229

BROCCOLI & CRISPY TOFU $1.26/serving $5.03 total

Broccoli & Crispy Tofu | Cheap Vegan Recipes

This is my new favorite dish. I can't get enough of it. Luckily it's easy to make, nutritious, and super cheap! Cheap vegan recipes for the win! The technique for making the tofu crispy tofu comes from Minimalist Baker. I was looking for a way to make tofu extra firm, and crispy without having to fry it, and I found her simple technique. It works best if you do the tofu in a cast iron skillet.

Ingredients

1 package extra-firm tofu

3 tablespoons cooking oil

½ teaspoon salt

2 crowns broccoli, cut into florets

¼ cup white vinegar

¼ cup water + 1 teaspoon veggie bouillon paste

2 tablespoons soy sauce

2 tablespoons fermented black bean sauce

1 tablespoons sugar

1 tablespoon toasted sesame oil

½ tbsp arrowroot powder

4 cloves garlic, minced (about 4 teaspoons)

1 tablespoon minced or grated fresh ginger

1 bunch green onions, white and light green parts only, finely chopped

2 cups cooked brown rice

Instructions

Start by pressing your tofu to release the excess water. To do this simply remove the tofu from the package, and wrap the whole block in an absorbent clean kitchen towel or a few layers of paper towel. Place the wrapped tofu onto a plate and place a heavy sturdy item on top to press the tofu. I use my cast iron skillet to do this. Press for at least 10 minutes. The longer the better.

Preheat the oven to 425°.

Once pressed, cut the tofu into cubes.

Warm 2 tablespoons of oil in a cast iron skillet, then add the tofu and salt. Cook the tofu on all sides until it turns golden and begins to crisp up, 5-7 minutes.

Transfer the skillet to the warm oven, and bake for 15 minutes, until crispy.

While the tofu cooks: Boil 3 cups of water, then drop the broccoli in to blanch for 1 minute. Drain, then set aside.

To make the stir-fry sauce combine the vinegar, water + bouillon, soy sauce, black bean sauce, sugar, sesame oil, and arrowroot powder in a bowl and stir well.

Remove the tofu from the skillet, and set it aside.

Warm the rest of the oil in the skillet, then add the garlic, ginger, and green onions, and sauté until fragrant.

Add the broccoli, and cook for 5 minutes.

Stir the sauce once more, then add it to the skillet. Stir well as it thickens.

Add the tofu, and continue to stir and toss to cover.

Serve over brown rice.

3.5.3229

LENTIL ZUCCHINI BURGERS $1.27/serving $5.07 total

Zucchini Lentil Burgers | Cheap Vegan Recipes

I love a good veggie burger! This zucchini lentil burger is so easy to make if you have a food processor. You can do it without one, but it just won't be as easy because you'll have to grate the zucchini by hand, and use some elbow grease to mash the ingredients together. Regardless of how you make it, this cheap vegan recipe is a winner.

Ingredients

2 zucchini squashes, shredded (I use a food processor to do this, but a box grater works too)

½ cup sunflower seeds

1 teaspoon smoked paprika

1 teaspoon cumin

1 teaspoon black pepper

1½ teaspoon salt

2 garlic cloves, whole

½ yellow onion, diced

2 cups cooked green lentils

1 cup cooked brown rice

½-1 cup breadcrumbs

Instructions

Preheat oven to 375° and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

Place your shredded zucchini into a large mixing bowl.

To a food processor add the sunflower seeds, smoked paprika, cumin, pepper, salt, and garlic. Blend until you've got a grainy mixture. Transfer it to a bowl.

Now add onions, brown rice, and lentils, the sunflower spice mix and ¾ of the zucchini back into the food processor.

Blend until you’ve got a thick batter.

Transfer it to a mixing bowl and stir in ½ cup of breadcrumbs and the remaining zucchini.

Form into patties, and coat in breadcrumbs.

Bake for 35 minutes, flipping halfway through.

Serve on a bun with kale or lettuce, and topped with BBQ sauce.

3.5.3229

Source: http://sweetpotatosoul.com/2018/04/cheap-vegan-recipes.html

0 notes

mostly-plants · 7 years ago

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Week 3 of eating vegan

Day 15 started with baking a couple of loaves of my new favourite bread: Caraway Rye Sourdough. It is soooo savoury and delicious, and develops such a beautiful rich chestnut colour when baked. I was taking one to a friend, and one was for the boyfriend and I to eat over the week.

Once the bread was out of the oven I travelled through the city to go to a workshop on plant based nutrition by Bloom Nutritionist, who my friend had recommended. The workshop was very informative and covered a range of key practical info, including recommendations to supplement a whole food vegan diet with B12, Algal Omega 3s, and a multivitamin to cover things like Iodine and Selenium. I got a lot out of the workshop, but I had made the mistake of not having lunch because I’d had a reasonably late breakfast, and wasn’t hungry - until I got to the workshop venue. I managed to score an apple at the event, but I got the brain-fades half-way through the talk, and then by the time I got home I was so hungry I ate a stack of food including Popcorn Tofu with chilli sauce, leftover vegan pizza, and a handful of these very un-nutritious cookies. Oops!

Day 16: I had some bircher muesli with blueberries for breakfast, and ordered some more fruit and veggies / pantry staples from CERES Fair Food. I had a late snack and then made wholemeal pasta with lentils and veggies for dinner, topped (of course) with a generous amount of Cashy-Cashy Parm-Parm. YUM!

Day 17 was a very busy day getting prepared for some upcoming work deadlines and then going to class in the evening, but because the fridge was stocked with leftover pasta that made lunch easy. The boyfriend and I were both finishing our days late, so we ended up meeting up in the evening and getting dinner from a local Mexican food place. Luckily they had good vegan options, but I did feel a bit sad not being able to just share our meals like we usually would. I think this was the first day that I started to feel challenged by eating vegan. For me it’s not the food part, because I love fruit, veggies, nuts and seeds (and yes, I love my legumes now too). I can imagine being fairly happy eating these things as the main components of my diet, but I realised I would really miss the positive feelings that comes with sharing the same food together with loved ones. In starting this challenge I had thought that the social aspect of eating vegan would be the most difficult part for me, and that’s probably the case.

Day 18: Overall I’ve been feeling really good after eating vegan for two weeks - my energy levels are the same or better than they have been, I feel fine physically and mentally, my digestion is great, and weirdly I don’t seem to be sweating as much? (Not that this was particularly a problem before, it’s just my observation). I have been trying to read and listen to more information about the case for (or against) plant-based eating in order to weigh up the available evidence and decide whether to continue.

Although I’m leaning towards more plant-based eating (mostly because of the environmental and welfare impacts of animal products), I do think I would struggle with not being able to share things with my partner, or participate in family dinners etc. in the same way. At the moment, I think I might end up settling on more of a flexitarian approach (i.e. mostly plant-based, but flexible on occasion). I guess I’ll see how I go with the rest of this challenge...

Day 19 I woke up a bit tired because I’d had coffee about 5pm the day before and was a bit too wired for sleep until about 3am. My bf had the opposite problem and woke up super early. Luckily, he somehow managed to be functional anyway, and because he is lovely I got coffee delivered right to my bedside <3 I made a quick breakfast of avocado on toast, and chopped up some raw veggies that needed using, to take with baba ganoush dip for lunch. I also packed some homemade granola, a bit of dark chocolate, an apple and a banana (I’m getting better at this “always have plenty of snacks available” thing. Work was pretty hectic, so I didn’t get to have lunch until about 3:30pm when I realised I was getting pretty hangry. I felt much better after some food, and a little afternoon chocolate pick-me-up. I felt like something a bit different for dinner, so ended up making miso-glazed eggplant with garlic bok choy, and crumb-coated smoked tofu and sweet potato. I know that sounds super fancy, but actually it was mostly so I could use up the wilting bok choy at the back of the fridge (and bump up my calcium intake for the day!).

The miso glaze for the eggplant is sooooooooo ridiculously good, and actually very quick and easy to make (my favourite combination in cooking!) We got the recipe from a vegetarian / vegan cooking class at Gourmet Kitchen Cooking School - I’d highly recommend their classes as something fun and special to do. Anyway, so, you want some miso glaze? (Spoiler alert: yeah, ya do). Just get a small saucepan and mix in: 2 Tablespoons of Miso Paste (I used white miso) 2 Tablespoons of sugar (or a neutral tasting liquid sweetener like agave syrup) 1 Tablespoon of Mirin 1 Tablespoon of Sake (I didn’t have this, so used Shaoxing Chinese cooking wine instead - it worked totally fine) Pop the saucepan on a low heat, stir/whisk the ingredients together, and in mere moments you will have your golden brown and delicious miso glaze! The eggplant gets sliced in half lengthways and roasted cut side down at 220c for about 30 mins. Then you turn the eggplant cut side up, and coat generously with miso glaze. Like... Seriously. Just pour that goodness all over everything, it is DELICIOUS! Pop the glazed eggplant halves back into the oven/under the grill for a few mins (watching that the glaze doesn’t burn), and then when you just can’t wait any longer, take them out of the oven, sprinkle them with some green spring onion and sesame seed, and try not to burn your mouth as you inhale that deliciousness! The bok choy I (finally) learned how to cook properly from watching the Viet Vegan, and the crumbed tofu and sweet potato was just to use up the rest of the coating mixture from making Popcorn Tofu earlier this week. It was great! If you want to try this, I’d definitely recommend marinating your tofu beforehand, or dunking it in a really flavourful sauce afterwards, because although the crumb coating is tasty, the tofu itself doesn’t have much flavour. The sweet potato was a definite winner! No oil needed, just toss bite-sized pieces of raw sweet potato in your crumb/seasoning coating, and bake them in the oven at 220c for about 45 minutes. NOM. So, at the end of Day 19 I’m feeling good about kicking some nutrition goals, and eating some hella tasty food. Yay!

Day 20: I felt like something savoury for breakfast and since I had the luxury of working from home on Friday, I decided on a Mexican inspired breakfast, with a spicy mix of cooked black beans, onion, carrots, corn, topped with fresh tomato, chives and coriander, and (of course) guacamole. Tortillas from La Tortilleria because they are by far the best I’ve had. A very satisfying start to the day!

Lunch was nice and easy - leftover bok choy and sweet potato with steamed silken tofu and a quick miso dressing (1/2 tablespoon miso paste, 1/2 tablespoon mirin, 1/2 tablespoon maple syrup and 1/2-1 tablespoon of water to get the desired consistency. Then, because it was so tasty - more Mexican for dinner, along with some red wine and dark chocolate for dessert. :)

Day 21: BREAKING NEWS - Scrambled silken tofu with miso dressing and chives on toast is DELICIOUS. I know the recipes say to use firm tofu for scrambling, but personally I think silken tofu matches the texture of scrambled eggs more closely. The miso dressing works great in this, because it’s got the salty/savoury flavour going on, and the slight sweetness balances the slight bitterness that some tofu can have. Sold!

After breakfast we went to the markets to pick up a few ingredients for the bakesale we were doing on Sunday. We braved the supermarket on a Saturday, bought many kilos of flour and sugar, and then paid a visit to Trang for Banh Mi - they have stacks of vegan options so I’m keen to try more, but so far I can’t get past the vegan BBQ pork because it is so tasty! I was pretty hungry by the time we ate so forgot to take a photo, but trust me - it is packed with lightly pickled veggies, fried spring onion and delicious magical vegan meat (I’m guessing they’re probably seitan-based, but I don’t know for sure). Pretty much the rest of Saturday was spent baking a ton of things for Sunday’s bakesale, and “quality testing” the several batches of cookies I made. I also ate wayyyyyy too much cinnamon coffee icing while trying to get the right consistency to top the chocolate cupcakes I made. Whoopsies! So... I guess I’m proving that you can definitely be vegan and eat a bunch of junk food, but then you probably won’t feel so great afterwards. Eat your veggies, kids!

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veganmideats · 8 years ago

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Recipe: Hummus 3 Ways

When I was younger, I couldn’t understand everyone’s love of hummus. To me, it was unappealing- a thick, sour paste that emerged from a can or tub, cold. It wasn’t until university when I lived down the street from the Hummus Place (RIP), an Israeli-owned restaurant, that I got it. They served their hummus warm, full of tahini, with optional toppings.

Does that mean hummus is an Israeli dish in origin? Most evidence points to no (and I’ll get to that in a second), but what that experience showed me is that something got lost in hummus’ translation to “American.” Even in Turkey, the best hummus is found in areas that border Arab countries (or in Arab-owned restaurants).

Like most Middle Eastern and Mediterranean food, most of us like to claim this one as our own. Some food for thought. The word hummus means chickpea in Arabic. The exact name of the dish in Arabic is hummus bin tahini (chickpeas with tahini). I have found the argument that Plato and Socrates mentioned hummus in their writings. Even though hummus has a strong association with Greek food in the US, I’ve read enough travel anecdotes about not being able to find the dip in the country itself to be suspicious of any claims (also it seems the Greek word for hummus is...hummus).

The most widely accepted theory seems to be that hummus originated in Egypt, as it is referenced as early as the 13th century, but that recipe did not contain more than beans or tahini. Chickpeas have been eaten in the Middle East for 10,000 years and tahini for 4,500. Garlic was available to them, but lemons didn’t arrive for a little bit. Basically, we know two things:

This dish is OLD.

It’s delicious.

I think you’re probably ready for a recipe now…

Hummus is incredibly easy to make. The topping options I’ve given are also incredibly simple. The caveat? This takes time to make. A lot of that time is sitting around waiting for things to soak, marinate, or cook, but it’s still time. It will be hard to go back to store bought hummus after this, though, and you won’t mind the pre-planning.

A note: I love legumes. They don't love me (And now everyone I know-and don’t know-knows it!). This hummus is specially designed to be as easy to digest as possible.

The seasonings in this recipe are more of a guide. If you like your hummus more garlicky, add more. More lemony? No problem! You can even add some lemon zest! Thinner, thicker? That's up to you, baby.

Ingredients:

Chickpeas (garbanzos), 1 cup, dry*

Reserved cooking water, 1/3-1/2 cup*

Tahini, 1/4 cup

Olive oil, 1-2 tablespoons

Lemons, 1-2

Garlic, 3-5 cloves

Salt, 1 teaspoon (or more to taste)

Turmeric root (optional)

* I recommend cooking your own chickpeas. I truly do. But, if you absolutely can't, you need about three cups canned. Warm them, and their water, on the stove, before making hummus.

* Save whatever cooking water you don't use. Aquafaba is vegan gold!

1. Rinse your chickpeas and soak them for 24 hours. This shortens cooking time and helps with digestion. Change out the water at least once.

2. Drain and rinse your chickpeas.

3. I add a piece of (peeled) fresh turmeric root to 'peas while they cook. It's optional and you could also add turmeric powder. Again, this is to aid digestion.

4. Cover the 'peas with water and cook 'til mushy. This will give your hummus the smooth consistency you desire AND, surprise, surprise aids digestion.

5. Drain your chickpeas, but reserve the water.

6. Here's the fun part: removing the skin off all those golden suckers. I try to work quickly so that my 'peas and cooking liquid are still warm by the time I get to hummus assembly. It may seem tedious, but this step will give your hummus that silky smooth texture you're craving (and help you avoid tummy cramps).

7. Now, the order in which you do things next depends on the size of your food processor. If you have a big one, you can toss in:

the 'peas,

turmeric (if you used fresh root),

1/3 cup of the cooking water,

the tahini, one tablespoon of olive oil,

juice of one lemon,

three cloves of garlic,

and salt.

Blend. Taste it and adjust if necessary.

If you have a small processor, like I did, you'll need to add things step by step, which is fine, too!

8. That’s it! One whole day later...you’re done! You can serve your hummus like this...

or try one (or all) of the toppings below:

Toasted pine nuts:

Popular in the West Bank, Palestine.

Please take a moment to Google the politicization of pine trees in Palestine. The recipe can wait.

Instructions:

Toast pine nuts in a skillet (dry or not) until golden and sprinkle over hummus. Drizzle with olive oil.

Eggplant Pastirma:

Pastirma (or basturma) is a cured meat, which is popular throughout the Middle East into Eastern Europe. It’s believed to either have been invented in Armenia or by Central Asian nomadic Turks. Pastirma is a variation on the Turkish word bastrima, which means to press, as pressing the meat is an important part of the original recipe. Think of my version of a spin on eggplant bacon.

Pastirma is a popular hummus topping in Turkey. It’s often fried in butter or olive oil and poured on top.

Ingredients:

Eggplant, 1 large

Wet:

Date syrup, 1 tablespoon

Soy Sauce (or Tamari), 1 tablespoon

Liquid Smoke, 1 teaspoon

Garlic, 2 cloves

Dry:

Onion powder, ½ teaspoon

Garlic powder, ½ teaspoon

Allspice, ½ teaspoon

Smoked paprika, 1 teaspoon

Chili powder, 1 teaspoon (I used aji amarillo; cayenne would do nicely)

Fenugreek, 1 teaspoon

Cumin seed, 1 teaspoon

Black pepper, ¼ teaspoon (or more, to taste)

Salt, ¼ teaspoon (or more, to taste)

1. Slice your eggplant into bacon-size strips

2. Mix your liquids, either in a bowl or plastic zip-top bag.

3. Mix your spices.

4. Add all ingredients to zip-top bag, roll tightly

5. Place zip-top bag inside another zip-top bag and close with two rubber bands.

6. Refrigerate 12 hours.

7. Place flat on parchment paper.

8. Set oven to 350 ° F (180 °C) and bake for 30 min

9. Lower heat to 300 °F (150 °C ) and check every 30 until desired crispiness. My Latest batch baked for 1.5 hours total.

10. Let cool. Eat as is or...

11. To serve on hummus, break into pieces and fry up with olive oil and sprinkle onto hummus. Drizzle with more olive oil, if you desire.

Duqqa

An Egyptian nut and spice blend.

I'm not sure that duqqa is ever traditionally served with hummus. But it makes a pretty delicious topping, so I'm taking my liberties…

The name duqqa comes from the Egyptian Arabic word “to crush/pound,” which you know, sans food processor...The nuts and seeds in this recipe vary recipe to recipe, person to person, or availability. Feel free to play around! Peanuts and mint are a popular choice in Egypt. Chickpeas could be a nice addition as well. Play around, see what you like.

Ingredients:

Almond, ¼ cup

Hazelnut, ½ cup

Pistachio, ¼ cup

Sesame, ¼ cup

Black sesame, 1 tbs

Cumin seed, ¼ cup

Coriander seed, ⅓ cup

Anise, 1 teaspoon

Salt, 1 teaspoon (or more, to taste)

Black pepper, 1 teaspoon

Aleppo pepper, 1 teaspoon

Za’atar (or Thyme), 1 teaspoon

1. Toast almonds and hazelnuts in the oven 350 (180) for 5-10 min. Let cool.

2. Toast sesame and pistachio in a skillet until sesame are golden. Let cool.

3. Take your whole spices and toast them in the skillet until fragrant. Let cool.

4. Coarsely chop hazelnut and almond in a food processor.

5. Add sesame, pistachio, and whole spices, and chop until fine.

6. Transfer to a bowl and add the other spices.

7. Duqqa is delicious mixed with olive oil and served with bread, a nice crust for veggies, tofu, seitan. I can eat it by the spoonful. Store it in the fridge or in an airtight container.

8. As a hummus topping, I've sprinkled a generous helping and drizzled with olive oil.

Enjoy. You’ve earned it.

#vegan #hummus #middle eastern food #eggplant #duqq #vegan recipe

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