#also you have to be smart as fuck to pass that certification test

[dearlyjun]

thinking about mechanical engineer tyun (again)

[donnerpartyofone]

One thing I really hate about being myself is that I can't understand math, like, at all. I got through high school basically because I was very good at memorizing things; I could remember what frequently-repeated math problems looked like, but I wasn't necessarily following the logic of them. Actually this same thing applied to all the rest of my classes too, but I have an aptitude for language, which pretties up the fact that I'm just regurgitating things by rote, and this has often tricked people into thinking I'm smart. I'm basically just selling people bad or generic ideas the way a used car salesman does. But if you ask me to actually use the facts I've memorized to create quality arguments or take a thought process a step further or whatever, I generally can't do it. Actually one time I had a teacher make an example of me in front of a whole class, about this; I cannot remember what the point of this was now, but there was like a special day in 5th grade where we all had to do this weird kind of abstract essay-writing test. There were a whole bunch of topics, and you had to write a piece of a certain length on the ones you picked. One of them was about your favorite animal, which I was excited about because I had probably memorized the entire encyclopedia entry on the corn snake--but then the essays were collected and evaluated, and the teacher like pointed me out to everybody and said, you know, Everybody thinks Claire is a smart and creative person, but her essay on the corn snake is a failure because it doesn't have any personality or interpretation or anything like that, it's just a bunch of boring facts. I think this was meant to encourage the other kids that you can be a good writer even if you've been given the impression that you're dumber or less artistic than a fucking nerd like I was. Looking back on it, I still think that was pretty fucked up, but I also think it was probably the only really honest and perceptive thing that an adult ever said about me (to my face anyway). Grownups usually liked me because I was weak and ingratiating and did my homework, and the truth is that people often think that you're really smart if you bow down to them and do whatever they say, because then obviously you have good judgment because you have such great taste in authority figures.

But anyway, about math. I really admire people who are good at it, I think math is really cool. I love the thing about how it's a universal language that can describe anything if you understand what to do with it and how to read it. It's pretty much the code of existence and it has such incredible creative potential. All the most mind-blowing people I've ever met had some aptitude for math, it seemed to be part of their ability to interpret how the whole world works and use that knowledge to their advantage. But I can't understand the first thing about it. I have to do even the most basic addition and subtraction problems with a calculator, and I can still get them wrong because of some misapprehension I have about what is question I'm even asking. I remember in high school I really wanted to do a good job in chemistry, I loved the teacher and I was interested in the topic, but I just couldn't figure it out. I even went to these after school tutoring sessions because I cared so much, but I was actually so bad at it that the teacher couldn't even figure out what I was doing to get my wrong answers, and I could never explain it back to him. I felt bad, he was really trying and he was genuinely one of the best teachers in the school, but there was just no point in trying to help me. I don't know how I passed that class, I just eventually had enough types of questions and answers memorized I think.

More recently in life I took all these classes at the local botanic garden to get a certification in horticulture. Of course I would never be good at that either because I'm stupid about both math AND anything material, I'm just very clumsy and useless physically, but wouldn't you know it, I had enough things mindlessly memorized to get good grades, yet again. But the parts about genes and chromosomes, I could not understand. It was exactly the same as when I learned about reproduction in high school, like there's a video of the microscopic process happening and at the exact same time there's a voiceover explaining what's going on and what things are called, and I'm like...OK I'll take your word for it I guess. It just requires too much logic, too much intelligence for me to grasp it.

Tragically, now I'm really curious about quantum mechanics. I don't even know if I'm properly identifying what I mean, I just know that whenever someone starts describing something with that kind of flavor to it, I get really excited and I want to hear more and more about it. But of course as usual I can't really reiterate the principles they're describing, I like the sound of what they're saying but it's not actually sinking in. I understand it just enough to know that it would enrich my life immensely if this were a line of questioning I could successfully pursue, but I have already discovered that there is simply no For Dummies version of the information that is truly dumb enough for someone like me.

Most of the time I can try not to worry about this. My long suffering husband does all math for me, and we have learned together that my desire and willingness to learn are not enough for him to effectively teach me how to do any math for myself. Besides, I already have a hard enough time with the things that I actually do qualify to participate in, there's already enough areas where I'm just barely getting by that I don't really have the bandwidth to also worry about all the stuff I'm not even trying at because my failure there is a foregone conclusion. It just bums me out. Math is really cool to me and not being able to do it makes me feel like I'm missing a limb or a sense and I'll just never know what it would be like to have that dimension added to my life.

[pigeonflavouredcake]

I'm an adult now take my advice

(or don't i'm not your dad)

Idk how old my followers are overall but i want to make this post in case any of you are actually teens... I am Officially 20 now. I am no longer a teenager so here are some things I learned as a poor teenager that helped me as a poor adult. Some are witchy, some are just about life, most are food related. Buckle up this will get pretty long.

Write as much down as you can bc puberty can really fuck with your memory.

Staying up late because you simply can't sleep is not something to be worried about unless you want to change that. It's pretty much all your natural body clock.

Get a big folder. Like a massive accordion folder and put all your personal documents in, birth/adoption certificates, bank statements, prescription receipts, diplomas, etc. So if you're ever in a dangerous situation at home you can make your escape a lot easier.

Now is a good time to learn new things that aren't school related. Practice cooking your favourite meals, learn how to properly clean a bathroom, if cleaning is overwhelming there are methods online that can help with that. Like playing a spot the difference game.

NO, tarot is not a closed practice, tarot is a tool for everyone and NO, tarot decks do not have to be gifted to you, you can buy one for yourself. I don't even know where that came from but it's complete bs.

Save the little gift baggies you get when you buy jewellery and use them as spell bags.

Stay away from any woman who calls her vag a yoni. it's weird.

You may want to be seen as smart and mature because it's better than being treated like a kid but you are still a kid. Your safety matters more than how mature and responsible you are. An older person should NOT be talking to you in a romantic/flirtatious setting and if they say it's because you're mature for your age or they can't wait until you're legal fucking bully the living shit out of them then block them and warn your friends. that attitude is creepy as hell bc they want someone they have power over. Same with any friends that brag about their partner being 15/16/17 when they're 18. BULLY THEM THEY'RE GROSS AND THEY DESERVE IT.

If you're in a country with the NHS USE IT NOW WHILE IT'S FREE. The first 6-8 weeks of therapy is free from the NHS. Eye tests and dentist check ups and medication are free untill you're 19 GET THEM NOW.

You can make your own oat milk by blending up oats and water. You don't need to cook with oil, there's enough of it in processed food and fresh veg have enough water in them to cook straight in a pan. You don't need the seasoning packet in ramen you can make your own. Tamari sauce has less sodium than soy sauce. Food always tastes better when it's in season. Try to find space for two food wastes, one for processed/cooked food one for raw. The raw food can be composted and given back to the earth

Best healthiest dinner option I can think of is steamed veggies. Here's my recipe: Heat up a pan on high, pour a bit of water in and then your veggies, stir frequently until all the water is gone. Turn heat down to low. Coat with something like balsamic vinegar and add any seasoning you like. Cover and steam for 10 minutes ish and you're good. You can serve that with a grain or some noodles.

Locally sourced meat and fish is WAY better for the environment than supermarket because there's less preservatives and they're more resourceful with their products.

A standard pie dough is one of the easiest things you can make and the trick is in the amount. Half the flour equals the fat, half the fat equals the sugar. so if you have 200g of flour you need 100g of fat and 50g of sugar. Just throw them in a bowl and mix together and add some cold water to bind together into a dough. It should be solid and little sticky, if it's crumbling add more water, if it's not holding it's shape add more flour. then just fridge it for a few hours to set and you're good.

You made your own soup/stew/pot thingy and you got left overs for the next day? Put it back on the cooker and bring to the boil on high, once it's bubbling take the heat down to low and simmer for 10 minutes (keep stirring if it keeps bubbling). This will help kill any bacteria that developed overnight that might make you sick.

Foraging is good but wear gloves, don't take all from one place and don't eat anything you pick until it's been thoroughly washed. Don't be afraid to go hog wild on things like blackberries, dandelions, or nettles. those things are an invasive species.

Deer are bigger than you think they are.

Air drying takes longer but it will help your clothes last. You can also hand wash with a bowl of hot water and about a teaspoon of washing up powder. Air drying also goes for your hair too.

Stock up on your favourite scented candles any size is ok and use them for spells and rituals.

You got a ghost in your house? Leave them be they're usually just passing through.

If you can't focus on work without music but it needs to be specifically wordless and needs to be easy to fill your brain so you don't focus on every noise other people make listen to animal crossing music that shit got me through two years worth of academic reading.

Bus is late or can't find your keys? Stop looking and start complaining. They'll turn up as soon as you give up.

Piercings are a medical procedure and are safer when they're done with a needle because they're hollow, so they're carving out the skin and cartilage instead of just pushing jewellery through like a gun does. Go to a tattoo parlour that also does piercings bc they're likely to be a lot stricter with rules and customer care.

Life is gonna kick us all in the but so we gotta be there to help eachother out however we can. It definitely feels like it's everyone for themselves but it doesn't have to be.

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

He did? Umm.. what happened exactly?

(referring to this post)

my 11th grade chemistry teacher had an associates degree in liberal arts.

you know how in virtually every class you’ve ever had since middle school, your teachers made a big stink about the syllabus? she didn’t have one. this was her first teaching job, which she got because of her length experience as a substitute, not by her licensing qualifications. we were, at first, excited to have her, because she was a “fun sub” and we were 17 years old and stupid as all shit. we were the “normal chem” class in a system where the only other options were “honors chem” which was filled with children who actually know how to study (or cheat) and have an air of proper student activity, and “AP Chem”, which is clear enough if you’ve been an american student in the last 15 years.

she followed the mcgraw hill chemistry book in order of chapters, despite the fact that our state standardized tests did several of the chapters out of order. ever notice how you’ll suddenly be looking at chapter 11 when just last week you were on chapter 5, then the next week you’re on chapter 8? standardized testing is the reason. anyways by asking my friends in other classes who had chemistry teachers of relative competence, i was able to discern which chapters i should focus on, and while she was distracted with literally watching youtube videos all period, I was turning around in my seat and walking across the classroom helping my friends and enemies with the packets. (she was a two-packets-a-week kinda teacher.)

yes i said enemies too. the people i hated, i hated because they were sons of bitches i wouldnt piss on to put out a fire. i hated them so dearly i used to pray to god that they would bump into me so i could throw myself into the concrete and split my forehead open and get them expelled due to the blood-clause of our “zero-tolerance policy”. two of the kids in my class had, only the previous year, attempted to set my hair on fire.

i hated the teacher more. 

it gave me extreme pleasure to see her fume and clench her fists when a student would say “i need help” across the classroom and she would move to get up and they would say “oh not you miss, im waiting for vicky.” jesus christ the only time ive ever felt a comparable high was when i was at a halloween party in college where i was literally so zooted i couldn’t move.

it got worse over time, her getting more and more angry, my ego growing larger and larger. i was a huge bitch in high school, i really thought i was the smartest bitch in the room at any given moment. severe main character syndrome. imagine that kind of person actually being right for 45 minutes out of every day. can you even comprehend the kind of frustration that would create? in a room full of little sociopaths who dont give a shit about anything but getting this joke of a class over with so they can graduate? your first real teaching job and they look right past you, the teacher, to this annoying little shit whose grades are completely abysmal? how are they managing to learn anything from a child who can barely speak in front of more than 10 people? who turns cherry red in the face of literally every authority figure in the building except you? who can’t concentrate and stay still in one spot for more than five minutes? all of your other classes behave! they listen! they sit down and shut up and do the packets! so what fucking gives!!!

so you say “fine, since you all HATE ME so much i just won’t teach then!!!” on literally week fucking ten of teaching. and instead of prostrating themselves before you, begging you to like... point at transparencies and read directly from powerpoints i guess.

and they all collectively say “okay” and let the chipmunk child flutter between desks and help them memorize formulas and mnemonic devices and shit. surely her grades will suffer if she’s constantly dealing with other people and you’ll have justification that her horseshit is “distracting” and “a detriment to her studies”. she got bored gave up on that after two days after nothing changed.

then we did the midterm.

except at the end of the exam packet was something we never learned because again, she was going through the book chronologically. because i actually enjoyed the chem book (so much that i stole it when the year was up lmao), i knew the material.

it was about lewis dots/structures. i couldn’t tell you a damn thing about it today but in december 2010 i absolutely knew that shit. i didnt have too much of a problem with it in the exam, but the students who had gotten to that point were complaining and at first she pulled that “you should have been studying independently uwu” shit but the class was about to get loud during exam period so she shushed us and said that when we get to that point, just stop, and she’ll mark it correct during grading, no harm no foul just keep it quiet. one of the more confrontational students called horseshit and said theres no way we’re trusting that and there’s definitely no way anyone will keep an entire classroom cheating at the instruction of the teacher quiet.

i offered to teach it.

she scoffed, rolled eyes, said “sure fine but you can’t get your exam back” and i said “okay.” so when everyone was to the point in the exam, we piled them all on her desk and i used the whiteboard to briefly and quietly explain lewis dots, used the book examples and problems, and helped the other kids understand. there were a couple exam questions that were lifted straight from the book problems so i skipped those. while teaching i realized i had gotten a couple wrong which sucked :( it was an incredibly stupid experience overall, and no teacher worth the paper their certification is printed on would have allowed that to happen. and fucking yet.

anyways everyone but me got their exams back and finished it and many of us passed, only a few of them did particularly well.

discussing the chem exam with friends who also took the chem exam, many students found their anecdote about the lewis dots to be confounding, for you see, the exam we took was not, in fact, the midterm, but the god damned final.

she had us taking the fucking final because she didnt read the fucking folders which read “midterm” and “final exam” on them

she was reprimanded severely and we all had to take the exam on different days, in different classrooms, sitting very far apart. after that she hated me even more. like girl it was your fault lmao i am literally a teenager grow up lol. anyways you can imagine how much more fucking insufferable i became, knowing how miserable she was.

it all came to a head in february when some students were giggling quietly following a minor fuck up on her part regarding bellwork. they were making fun of her like “are you sure thats not tomorrows bellwork lol” and a friend next to me did the “hey i need help wait no miss not you sorry” thing and when i answered him, she solidly snapped. blah blah YOURE SOOOO DISTRACTING blah blah YOU THINK YOURE SOOOO SMART DONT YOU blah blah blah and she was like demanding i leave the room and shouting at the top of her lungs at me “ YOU POISON THE MINDS OF EVERY OTHER STUDENT HERE. YOU’RE POISONOUS VICTORIA, YOU’RE A VIRUS IN THIS CLASSROOM.”

i will never forget that line as long as i live. it was like crack to me. i moved to open the door to leave and the vp opened it first. he escorted me to the office and asked me what happened, then told me to keep my head down in class from now on, and that if i wanted to help my friends i should give them my number and help them out on our own time. i was like “bro thats really stupid” and he was like “thats all we can do right now but i promise we’re working on it”

i lasted the rest of the year giving smug smiles as we did packet after fucking packet for the rest of the year. they were all take-home work. i wasnt comfy giving my number to my enemies. the class camaraderie ended.

the final was altered. my class took a different final than the rest of the normal chem classes.

i started 12th grade and got a solid case of senioritis. i told that story to anyone who would listen. while it was happening, i obviously told my favorite teacher everything as it happened. when i mentioned it senior year he was like “oh yeah i forgot about her,

she was fired over the summer.”

[crue-sixx]

Taken (John Wick Imagine)

Summary: You’re taken by a group seeking revenge on John Wick, but they don’t realize the lengths Baba Yaga will go to keep you safe.

Warning: Kidnapping and some violence.

As you woke up in an unfamiliar room, you wondered why your head was hurting you so much. One second you were at home alone while you’re boyfriend, John Wick, took his dog out for a walk then the next you were waking up in a cold room that was very unfamiliar to you. All you could remember was feeling this intense pain in your head before you blacked out. You were about to rub your head, but found that you couldn’t. You looked down to find your hands tied to the arms of a chair. Your legs were also tied to the chair, making you swear under your breath.

What the hell was going on?

You didn’t have to wonder too long because soon enough the door to the room was being opened and in walked a burly man with two others trailing right behind him. You blinked your eyes a few times to adjust to the light of the room before you looked at the men properly.

“John Wick’s girl,” the burly guy spoke with an accent you couldn’t quite place. Russian maybe? It had to be. “What a nice surprise.”

“Who the hell are you?” You asked not too pleasantly. It isn’t like this guy deserved any manners from you. You were hit in the head and tied down to a chair for crying out loud.

“That is not important,” the guy replied as the two others stood on each side of him with their arms crossed. They looked like they were trying to be intimidating, which was working. You were freaked out and wondering how you were going to get yourself out of this mess. “I suppose you know that your boyfriend is a bad man.”

“Bad man?” You asked and snorted as you shook your head. “If you think he’s bad now then you should see him when he comes looking for me and finds you assholes holding me hostage. You haven’t begun to see bad yet.”

You probably shouldn’t have been running your mouth so much, but you were trying to buy some time to keep the guy talking. You didn’t know what he had planned for you and you were afraid to find out.

The guy chuckled and shook his head. “What makes you think he will find you in time?”

You gulped at that statement, but tried to keep a straight face. He was just trying to scare you and you knew that, but they obviously had something planned for you that you knew you wouldn’t like.

“Because he’s good at what he does,” you replied. “Finding assholes like you and putting them in their place. He can smell a shithead miles away.”

The guy raised a brow at that and stepped up closer to you. You looked up at him as he looked down at you. It happened so fast, but his right fist flew out and connected right with your left eye. Your head flew back with the force as you cried out in pain. That would definitely leave a mark.

“I can see John Wick hasn’t taught his bitch any manners,” he said as he grabbed you by your chin and stared you down.

You tried to move your chin from his hand, but he had too tight of a grip on it. Not only were you scared, but you were pissed off. This guy was a douche bag. You were already a pretty outspoken person and this guy was really testing you.

“Fuck you,” you replied and spit in his face for good measure.

He let go of your chin and stood up straight again as he grabbed a handkerchief from his pocket. He wiped his face off before he glared at you.

“Teach this bitch some manners,” the guy said as he turned his back on you and walked out of the room.

The other two guys started approaching you and you gulped again. Well, this is where your smart mouth got you. He was going to do this anyways so you might as well give him a piece of your mind.

“You know, you don’t have to take orders from that guy,” you told the two guys as they popped their knuckles. “Think this over. John’s going to find me and he is not going to be happy. If you do this then you might as well just sign your own death certificates.”

You’d barely finished talking before one of the men backhanded you hard across the cheek. You groaned out in pain as your head jerked to the side from the force. It seemed these guys weren’t up for reasoning.

Punches and hits were thrown at you. You cried out in pain with each hit. They weren’t none too gentle. They eventually let up and left you alone, spitting up blood and groaning in pain. There was no telling what else you’d be in store for if John didn’t find you soon enough. You wouldn’t doubt if these guys planned to kill you. They were just having some fun before they did. They were obviously getting back at John for something. They underestimated his abilities though. You knew John would find them. The question was when.

It seemed like hours went by before the door to the room opened again and the asshole from earlier walked in with the other goons. You groaned in annoyance at the presence of them. What were they here for this time?

“Seems my guys have taught you a proper lesson,” the guy said with a smile. “You look like absolute shit, dear.”

“I don’t remember asking,” you told him as your head was leaned down. “John’s not going to be happy about this.”

“You keep speaking of John, but tell me...where is the Baba Yaga?” He asked you with a smirk. “I haven’t seen him yet. Is he really as good as you make him out to be?”

“No,” you breathed out and finally lifted your head up to look at the guy. “He’s even better.”

“Whatever makes you feel better, sweetheart,” he said as he shrugged.

“Don’t call me that, asshole,” you spoke out through clenched teeth. John was the only one allowed to call you that. This guy didn’t deserve that right.

He stepped up closer to you and grabbed you by the collar of your shirt as he got up in your face. “I demand respect from you, you little bitch! That mouth of yours has gotten you in more trouble than-”

The guy ended his sentence right there because suddenly the sound of gun fire was heard. He let go of you and looked up with a curious face. You smiled because you already knew what was going on.

Baba Yaga has found you.

The guy spoke out in Russian to the other two. One left while the other stayed behind and drew his gun. He went to the door and looked out as the main guy stepped behind you. You looked back at him as you heard shouting and more gun fire.

“I told you he would find me,” you told the guy with a triumphant smile.

“Shut up, bitch,” he replied back to you through clenched teeth.

The gun fire kept getting closer and closer with each passing moment. How many guys were out there? It didn’t matter. You had complete confidence that John would take them all down. He never let anything stand in his way.

It was maybe a minute later when the guy keeping lookout at the door was shot. You jumped slightly and watched his body hit the floor. John soon appeared in the doorway with a gun drawn.

“John!” You called out as the guy grabbed you by your hair and pulled your head back. You soon felt something pressed into your neck. A glance down let you know that the guy had drawn a knife and was holding it against your neck.

“Come any closer, John, and I will slit her pretty little throat right in front of you,” he told John.

“Okay, lets just calm down here,” John said as he stayed put in his spot.

“Drop the gun and kick it away,” he instructed him, gripping you hair tighter when John didn’t comply fast enough. You hissed out in pain. John held his hands up and bent down to drop the gun before he kicked it away. “It’s nice to finally see you again, John Wick. It’s been too long.”

“There were other ways of seeing me,” John told him as he glared at him. He looked at you and his face softened. You looked back at him nervously. You didn’t know what was about to happen. “No need to bring her into this. She had nothing to do with it.”

“That doesn’t matter,” the guy said as he dug the knife into your neck more. You winced and gripped onto the arms of the chair. “She’s the person who means the most to you so that makes her a part of this. You took something away from me.”

“Your father was a bad man, Alexander,” John said as he stared him down, watching every little move he made. “He did some bad things to people. I was ordered to take him out and that’s what I did. Doesn’t mean you have to turn out like him and end up with the same fate he did.”

“Don’t you talk about him like that!” The guy, Alexander, yelled out as he gripped your hair even tighter. You winced and yelped in pain.

He started talking in Russian then. You didn’t understand a word of it, but John did because he began speaking in Russian back to him. You didn’t know what was going on or what was about to happen.

“Say your goodbyes to her, Baba Yaga,” Alexander spoke in English again. “I’m giving you more than what you gave me.”

“If you hurt her anymore, I swear-” John began to say, but was cut off.

“You had your chance!” Alexander yelled and began cutting into your neck.

You screamed out, thinking this was the end for you. The guy barely made a proper cut into your skin, however, when there was a loud gun shot heard right next to you. The knife slid from your throat, cutting into your skin slightly, before the guy fell back. Your eyes popped open. You glanced behind you and found Alexander laying on the ground, a gun shot wound in the middle of his head. You let out the breath you had been holding and turned to John. He was bent down on one knee with his gun still drawn. He must’ve hidden a gun he could get to fast.

“John,” you breathed out and leaned back in the chair you were still sat in. You could feel tears in your eyes. You didn’t know if it was from relief or from the situation you were so close to being in.

John quickly stood back up and holstered his gun before he came over to you. He gently cupped your face in his hands and looked you over, looking sorrowful at the injuries he found.

“Y/N, sweetheart, are you hurt anywhere else?” He asked as he looked you over. “Did they hurt you in any other way?”

You shook your head quickly as the tears started to fall. He looked relieved to hear that. He quickly set to work on untying you from the chair. Once you were finally free, you wrapped your arms around John. He held you close to him and kissed your head before he picked you up, carrying you bridal style.

“Baby, don’t look,” he warned you.

You nodded and nuzzled your face in John’s neck with your eyes closed. You kept them closed till John sat you down. You opened your eyes and found yourself sitting in his beloved 1969 Ford Mustang. He bent down to your level outside the car and looked you over better.

“This is all my fault,” John sighed out and shook his head. “I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

“John, this isn’t your fault,” you told him quickly. “You didn’t make them do this. Besides, it probably looks worse than it is.” You checked yourself in the mirror to see. It did look pretty bad, but it wasn’t hurting as much as before. Your eye was swelling and your cheek was bruising. Blood was coming from your nose and lip.

“This is my fault,” he said. “I should’ve found you sooner. You shouldn’t have even been in this situation to begin with.”

“John, I don’t blame you for this,” you told him in a stern voice so that he would listen to you. “Besides, you saved me just like I knew you would. There was no doubt in my mind that you would find me.”

John sighed again and cupped your uninjured cheek, pulling you down so that he could rest his forehead against your own. He kissed you as gently as he could since your lip was injured. It hurt a bit, but you didn’t care. You were glad to be kissing him again. He pulled away and put some stray hair behind your ear.

“Let’s get you home,” he whispered softly. “Get you cleaned up. I’ll take care of you now, sweetheart. I’ll always take care of you. I love you.”

You smiled at John and nodded. “I know and I love you too, John.”

[vagrantblvrd]

Jeremwood FAHC where battle buddies formed before they joined the crew? Everyone is terrified until they find the pair dead asleep on Gavin or Lindsay, or both, and they just look confused/pleased respectively, and shoo everyone away when they try and wake the pair up? And just, sheer shenanigans between all of them as they all settle into a the full force of the FAHC

Hmm, yes, yes, I see what you’re getting at with this, Anon?

But may I humbly suggest the reason these two Very Scary and Spooky figures choose Team Losers for their respective human pillows has to do with their Tragic Backstories?

For an example:

Before they became the Super Scary duo known throughout all Los Santos (and certain areas outside it, most of which have been reduced to rubble and charred remains because idiots) they were (baby) agents in An Agency somewhere?

Very hush, hush, totally no shady goings on here, no sir Mr. Government overwatch group!

Just patriotic assassinations and the whatnot.

Ryan is all clean-shaven and by the book. Perfect role model for the other baby agents who came after him.

Stellar record and all that, did everything Right.

And then the handler he’s had since graduating the academy retired. (Or is retired, something that plants the initial seed of unrest/suspicion in the back of Ryan’s mind about what he’s been doing all this time, but we’ll get to that later.

Anyway, he gets a shiny new handler in this guy all the way from England, kid with this accent who makes no damn sense and Ryan is >:( because he doesn’t trust him? (Gavin’s a goddamned kid, wet behind the ears and the most ridiculous questions and Ryan’s supposed to trust him to keep him alive?)

But then they get tossed into training exercises and simulations to get used to each other and as annoyed as Ryan is with the ceaseless chatter, Gavin’s always on point when it comes to getting Ryan through the exercise/simulation flawlessly. (Well, okay. There’s a miscommunication or two due to cultural differences but they sort it out before disaster befalls them.)

And at the end of things Ryan’s a little annoyed at the fact he can’t fault Gavin’s expertise at his job. Especially when he’s kind of glowering at Gavin after one of the “cultural differences” arguments and Gavin challenges Ryan to take over Gavin’s job while Gavin runs through the exercise/simulation.

All, “…what?” because his old handler wasn’t a field agent in any form of the word, amazing at her job, sure, but a klutz who only passed the annual certifications because Ryan and her previous agents kept on her about them to make sure she’d pass and all that.

And Gavin, okay. Goddamned twig and just look at him, no way he could pull off an assassination in a controlled setting like this, okay. Gavin just looks at him like he thinks Ryan’s chickening out, because of course he would, and Ryan will be goddmaned if he lets this twig of an asshole get away with that. (Or…something.)

Gavin chortles all the way down to the training room floor, grins up at the cameras he knows Ryan’s watching him through and tosses off a little salute before wading into the training exercise.

Entirely new one the two of them haven’t gone through yet because this is meant to be a test for both of them, right? Gavin going to their superiors and agents and whatevers involved in running these exercises for an official okay from them and all that. (He puts it forward as a bonding exercise, way to gain trust between partners which will up their efficiency rating and all that and of course their superiors are eager to jump at the chance to have the two of them reach active status all the sooner and the whatnot.)

So.

Ryan in Gavin’s little command center realizing he’s maybe made a misstep with this dare/bet? He’d been in the room once or twice before talking to his previous handler, but when Gavin came into the picture he’d had it upgraded. More cameras and gadgets and other bells and whistles Ryan isn’t sure what their function is?

And hes clumsier than he’d like about it, toggling between camera feeds to keep track of Gavin’s progress through the levels. Goddamned mansion the agency had built for this particular exercise and Gavin charming his way through with barely a ripple to mark his passing.

Hasn’t alerted anyone yet and Ryan is struggling to keep up with him and okay, yes, it’s definitely harder than it looks from the outside. (He’s always known it in the back of his head, but it’s different now, isn’t it?)

Things go…okay for a bit, but then their superior threw in a little plot twist towards the end, this Ultimate Test for the two of them they obviously didn’t anticipate and Ryan almost gets Gavin “killed”, sends him down a dead end corridor, guards closing in and they both know he fucked up, and Gavin looks right at the closest camera.

Should, by all rights, be furious with Ryan because he fucked up – but all he does is ask Ryan some simple little question, look up the blueprints on one on the computers and see if there’s a discrepancy with the layout of the area he’s in.

Contractors and clients and other bullshit he doesn’t have time to explain, because Plot Reasons. Mainly due to the fact Gavin got his hands on the real blueprints involved in building the course level they’re using for the exercise because he likes to be thorough like that. (Might be considered cheating, but he’s all about everything he can do to keep his agent alive, even in a supposedly safe environment like the agency training courses.)

Lo and behold there is, some botched bit with the ducts or something hastily covered up, Ryan’s hardly an expert despite all the time he’s spent crawling through various systems in his career to date.

Gavin grins as he backtracks and finds the botched bit of construction hastily covered over. Since the “building” the agency is using for this training exercise is an overblown set piece it’s just been wallpapered over or something else, and Gavin is easily able to get through it and escape that way, because Plot Reasons.

Ryan’s still a bit shaken at the close call and Gavin has to get him back on task of leading him out of the ducts he’s in, which he does. Watching silently as Gavin exits the training level with the McGuffin he was sent to steal and a dead target behind him.

He apologizes to Gavin for almost getting him killed, which Gavin laughs and dismisses because he knows it wasn’t intentional (right, Ryan?), but maybe now he understands Gavin’s up to the job of keeping Ryan alive if he’ll let him.

Their bosses side-eye them for basically Kobayashi Maru-ing their way out of the training exercise, but decide Gavin’s more of an asset than they anticipated and praise him for his thoroughness. (While making a mental note to keep an eye on him because he really shouldn’t have been able to get his hands on those blueprints, you know?)

Anyway, they work together for a year or two until Ryan gets picked for this new agency that’s come along in the meantime. Even shadier doings than his original agency and so sorry, but you’ll be given a new handler and a field partner and really, Agent Haywood, you’ll be doing your country a great service with this new agency.

There’s this whole Thing where they say their goodbyes and Gavin, who has a bad feeling about all of it, warns Ryan to watch hi back out there since Gavin won’t be there to do it for him. Ryan is all ??? and also ditto and a little if Gavin ever needs anything to contact him? Which Gavin promises to do with more vice versa, but honestly they know the odds of them ever meeting again are slim to none.

(And Ryan’s kind of right, when his old agency goes down in flames a half a year or so later. Sabotage and all that and so many dead with Gavin’s name of the list of casualties and okay, right, totally nothing suspect there. Ryan absolutely buys into that load of horseshit after the way he saw their agency being whittled down before Ryan was picked for his current agency, or course. Totally doesn’t have a little side-hobby of untangling that mess to get to the truth, goodness no.)

ANYWAY.

Ryan gets paired up with Jeremy who is obviously a rookie agent out of whatever agency handed him over to their current agency.

Young and inexperienced in the field but eager to learn and smart as hell. Lot of potential and best of all doesn’t take Ryan’s bullshit, which is awesome.

There’s an adjustment period for both of them because their new agency is a bit more lax with the rules and regulations, and Jeremy rubs off on Ryan a little over time and vice versa.

They get this handler who is calm and professional – for the most part.

The three of them don’t really click as a team for their first few missions, but the third or fourth one in things go to shit in the most chaotic, bizarre ways possible?

And their handler, who up to this point has been completely normal proposes a ridiculous plan to get them out of their predicament and the worst thing is it works? Ryan in a goddamned clown suit and Jeremy posing as a cowboy (???) and they get their target and escape without incident somehow?

Get to listen to their handler howling with laughter as they speed away in a speedboat and share this look because what the hell? And Lindsay – of fucking course it’s Lindsay – getting herself under control to coordinate their extraction and whatnot.

Things get better (worse???) after that because their missions tend to go to shit more often than not requiring the most ridiculous plans to succeed and they’re still considered their agency’s top operatives.

Life has never been so strange for any of them.

Ryan loosens up, decides he likes the look of the beard he grew for a mission and keeps it unless there’s another mission that requires he shave it. (And then he goes right back to growing it out, and also just kind of loses his mind in general because no one can stay sane with both Jeremy and Lindsay in the mix, okay, no one.)

Lindsay starts joking around with them when they’re in the field and Jeremy is just. So flabbergasted at half the things she says and it’s all gloriously wonderful shenanigans and chaos and all that for a good long while for the three of them.

Lindsay watches these two idiots she’s responsible doing the Mutual Pining Thing and laughing at them because it’s pretty damn obvious they’re head over heals for one another?

All these little gestures between them in and out of the field, but then it just gets sad, you know?

Close calls thanks to the nature of their line of work, Jeremy sitting beside Ryan’s bed down in medical after a bad mission and vice versa. Longing Looks and Quiet Pining and Lindsay is their confidant and does her best to drops hints without betraying either of their trust in her.

Setting up situations where they have lunch or dinner together. The three of them out to have a dinner to celebrate some team milepost or whatever but she gets called away at the last minute for some minor  problem but no, really, you two enjoy yourselves they can do this again at a later date. (Heavy emphasis on the word date, but they’re too dense to pick up on it.)

And then! Just when she thinks they realize there’s a Mutual Pining Situation going on and might be about to do something about it?

Bad shit happens, because of course it does.

Someone contacts Lindsay, tells her trouble’s headed their way and to look out for her boys because they’re going to be at the heart of it, and Lindsay.

Oh, she knows exactly who sent her that message, the ones that follow because Gavin’s clever, right, but she’s just as good at her job as he is. (There’s this whole Thing where they met years ago, thanks to friendly inter-agency rivalries and Gavin worrying about idiot Ryan and just. Yeah.)

It’s thanks to him the three of them are prepared for the suicide mission meant to get rid of the Battle Buddies (the usual Conspiracy Plot Reasons) that allows them to fake their deaths. Handy little tip telling them a good place to hide out is Los Santos, and hey, take the scenic route just in case, which they do.

Meanwhile, Lindsay has all these files and the whatnot on what their agency have been up to that end up in the right hands, some reputable reporter or whoever and goes to lunch one day and forgets to go back afterwards.

Doesn’t go so far to fake her death, just disappears as far as the rest of the world is concerned while the agency more or less burns to the ground behind her.

She ends up in Los Santos too, gets a nice little apartment somewhere and gets a reputation for being a crazy cat lady with all the strays she looks after, fosters, handing them over to good homes and the like.

Hears rumors going around about this pair of mercs new on the scene a year or two later. Big scary bastard going around wearing a skull mask and his partner with the cowboy ensemble and laughs herself sick when she sees her boys on the news one night, because they haven’t changed a goddamned bit.

Wonders if they ever figured their shit out and makes plans to contact them to ask how they’ve been doing, but she gets a job offer before she can.

Some crew or other with a reputation of their own and this skinny prick of a Brit with the most obnoxious grin and gaudy sunglasses and the Fakes would be interested in someone with your particular skills, and is she interested?

Lindsay just looks at Gavin in his ridiculous get up and decides the hell with it, you know? She’s been on vacation long enough and if someone like him trusts these assholes she’s fine with it.

They hand her control of B-Team and she kind of loves it. The crew is her kind of chaotic and she gets why Gavin chose them out of all the crews in Los Santos.

No brainer when Geoff’s looking to expand the crew and there are these two idiots running around causing chaos without anyone to watch their backs but themselves. (Well, okay. And Gavin and Lindsay from the shadows, but they’re stretching themselves thin watching out for the Fakes and the Battle Buddies and it just makes sense to have them all under the same roof, so to speak.)

And then!

Ryan and Jeremy being ??? and !!! at seeing Gavin and Lindsay – initially suspicious because what are the odds?

Jeremy watching Ryan circling Gavin because it’s been years and he really wants to think he can trust the little shit, but so much has happened he’s not sure he can?(All this time he’s been trying to find out what happened to him only to see Gavin cozied up to the biggest crew in Los Santos???)

But then he realizes Lindsay trusts Gavin implicitly, that Gavin’s the reason the three of them made it out of the agency alive at all, and Gavin’s just giving him this little smile waiting for Ryan to make up his mind the way he did when they met all those years ago.

Various shenanigans as he realizes Gavin’s safe, the Fakes are safe, and Jeremy relaxes because he trusts Ryan’s judgment in this?

The two of them realize the others have no idea the four of them know each other from Before and get a kick out of fucking with them whenever they can, hence the human pillow Thing.

Big scary mercs napping like little kittens on them and everyone else being !!! because what do now??? while Gavin and Lindsay are like, no! They need their sleep, hush up or go away because you have no idea about these idiots and their sleeping habits! >:((((((((((

The slow realization the rest of the crew have that allowing the four of them to Shenanigate was a Terrible Idea as they rain chaos on Los Santos (and occasionally the crew itself).

Also?

Just shenanigans in general with Ryan being a creepy bastard and Jeremy being Jeremy and everyone worrying Gavin and Lindsay are going to be horribly murderized like the idiots they are because they just keep teasing and making fun of Ryan and Jeremy. Like. Mercilessly so the way they do the rest of the crew?

At least until something happens with someone from their old agencies out for Revenge and Gavin and Lindsay get grabbed and the crew going crazy trying to find them?

And then there’s the Battle Buddies all terrifyingly professional about ripping these bastards apart for touching their family – and their Tragic Backstories are revealed in which the crew had no idea about the (former) sekrit agents in their midst this whole time.

Also, also, the bastards who grabbed Gavin and Lindsay are suffering before the rescue party gets to their little hideout because Team Losers is a force to reckoned with on their own, you know?

Supposedly where the baddies want them, but the baddies miscalculated because they’re locked in there with Team Losers and oh God, make it stop, make it stop.

Absolutely no one on the crew’s side of things being surprised by this turn of events and it’s kind of a mercy killing for the baddies once they realize what’s going on.

Gavin and Lindsay just :DDDDDDDDDD “What took you guys so long?” even though they’re a bit bloodied up and kind of hurty feeling and everyone is just fucking Christ, you idiots.

And then shenanigans???

[ethereal-lotto]

I'm gonna start watching The Boyz 'Flower Snack' & thought it would be nice to post my thoughts during the episodes, mostly because I'm barely 15min in & this is already too funny

So here we go!

Episode 1.

• I love the concept of them running a snack show instead of this being a survival show or something like that, this feels more entertaining and fun

• I can believe so many people seem to knew about them since predebut but they don't have as much recognition on Korea :(

• Kevin looks a lot different in predebut as now, but he's still baby

• Their dorm looks so clean wtf normally bg dorms are messy but theirs look organized

• Also I still cant believe all 12 of them lived/live in the same apartment what the hell

• Ngl I'm trying not to get attached to Hwall to save a heartbreak but he's too cute :c

• Can't believe Hyuksoo is really going to help them running the snack bar, how did the company get him to that xd

•+ Younghoon not even realizing a deadass complete man was sitting on their couch HOW DID HE NOT SEE HIM??

• The fact that it took them a while to even see there was a grown ass man on their living takes me out aksksks

• Also Juyeon going straight for a hug with Hyuksoo was really cute, he was very excited (*´ω｀*)

• Them saying Sangyeon is a good leader and showing how he leads them doing the breakfast was really nice uwu

• The fact that they apologized because they had almost no food for Hyuksoo 😭😭

• WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED WITH THEIR RICE COOKER? THEY HID IT SO FAST lmao

• I'm laughing at them having expired sauce as if that wasn't me living by my own eye

• but seriously Jacob gasp when he noticed the sauce went bad & the windows system shutting down sound effect KSKSKS

• HOW do they have a TWO years expired sauce in their fridge

• Kevin & Juyeon actually went to the supermarket why is that so funny to me

• Juyeon was looking so fine since predebut,,, love that men

• also Juyeon being excited about Hyuksoo he's babie pls

• "MBC is richier than us" lmao

• Younghoon is so pretty,,, I'm at awe

• i'm crying the subs said "Sunwoo, grownup baby" AKSKSK PLEASE

• Sunwoo cutest boy

• SUNWOO DEADASS ASKED HYUKSOO "WHAT DO YOU DO"

• Sunwoo is so direct talking I love this dude

• Eric making Hyuksoo play games to pass time is actually something I would do lol

• the fact that they aren't even using a plate to eat just straight up forks why

• Changmin "I have a question" "Go ahead" "I don't remember" and his face after they laughed,,, he a whole cutie ((*＾3＾)/

• what the fuck, the anus part sounds so wrong 🤡

• like,,, they knew what they were doing with the edit

• They were so confused at the containers, homeboys had no idea what the fuck they were doing there

• didn't they just ate?? why are they feeding them more food couldn't just tell them straight up

•Haknyeon is so effortless funny

• Their faces when Hyuksoo told them that they were going to sell food: 👁️👄👁️

• dude, Hwalls smile :((( I said no attachments and yet

•Younghoon & Chanhee asking if they're going to draw blood from them,, I'm soft

•They were so scared when they draw blood out of them aksks pwease, babies

• Jacob asking if the can know what his blood type is, boy how did you NOT know your blood type

• wait he did explain one second later

• Apparently in Canada they don't tell you what your blood type is, so neither him or his parents knew,, dude wth

• They guessing what its his blood type was so endearing

• btw he's type B everybody

• also they were talking about blood types the way some people talk of zodiac signs, like if it's meant to reveal something about your personality xd

• IM CRINGING SO BAD AT THE HOSPITAL PART

• they legit didn't have to show us the anus part that was so awkward to watch aksksks

• I'm never getting over this

• Chanhee dropping the q-tip on the toilet and having to go look for a new one 🗿🗿

• why do I feel Sangyeon, Hyunjae & Eric are gonna pull out a prank on the rest

• dude what

• Juyeon telling them to go on without him ;(( noo

And that's it on Episode 1!

At first I wanted to do just episode one today because they're pretty long but I'm deadass intrigued by their cliffhanger so I'm going to watch the beginning of episode 2 🤡

Episode 2!

• okay that intro of them doing the mannequin challenge was cute

• okay but they telling Juyeon he's infected was really mean, like that wasn't funny he honestly looked concerned

• Juyeon thought he was sick but he still didn't want to slow the boys down ;(

• Everybody saying they had to do it together 😭

• Sunwoo saying he was more worried about Juyeon than the restaurant (╥﹏╥)

• dude i was this closed to actually start crying

• Kevin looking that shit up as the INTELLIGENT, SMART men that he is, love his two braincells

• I knew it was a prank

• lmao Sangyeon deadass said: let's give Juyeon a heart attack today

• i hate them for choosing Juyeon

• They chose him because he trust everything very easily,,, the way my heart broke

• they didn't need it to drag it up for so long why are they like this

• Sunwoo was so worried ☹️

• Juyeon was really worried about himself and yet the laughed so hard when they told him it was a prank

• Sangyeon went as far as fake crying & Hyunjae was so mean, these men's are savages

• Sunwoo getting mad and defensive for Juyeon, we love that

• Sangyeon said the he actually cried because he thought "what if one of us gets sick?", he stayed days studying how to open a restaurant and talking notes, he took tests about it, he took charge of the certifications for the restaurant. I'm so proud of him as a leader, it's never an easy job but he works hard and takes care of the boyz, he's such a great leader 💜

That's all I'm going to watch for now ❤️

I'm not really hoping for anyone to read this long ass post, I just wanted to had my thoughts about the show in some place so I can look back at them sometime.

take some rest, stay inside & stan the boyz ୧(＾ 〰 ＾)୨

[tahere-ravenwick]

My worst teacher ever!

Okay so I've had so many fucked up teachers (-_-) I lived in a rural area, so far off the beaten track, that if someone screwed up badly(but not enough to be fired) they got sent there, so we had a lot of jilted and surly twats, we also had a lot of teachers new fresh out of university and a few close to retiring or with disabilities but still wanting to teach, those ones were generally nice and pretty cool. Generally the rules were a bit more lax for the teachers since they had already messed up but were being given a second chance, and that lead to some great(but strict) teachers, since they were there as a punishment and they wanted to get out of there and back into their old jobs asap,(we had a lot of teacher turnover) but there was also a lot of shenanigans; teachers busted by students having sex in classrooms, teachers thieving, taking drugs, openly perving on highschool girls, etc...

But despite all of that in my whole school career(primary and secondary) there was only One instance where a teacher at our school actually got fired although they called it "Permanent Leave"... we did have a couple who had mental breakdowns and quit.. but thats different...

Anyway it was in my 10th year of school, he was an English teacher and he was one of those older middle age crisis types (cheesy gangsta wannabe, band t-shirts, shorts hanging low, baseball cap backwards, cheap rapper bling and he was obsessed with ponchos). He tried so hard to seem cool and hip.. but he was just so creepy.

And he barely lasted a year.

He was openly bias and judgemental in class, favoring the academically inclined/more wealthy kids and snubbing the kids who weren't at the top of the class/less wealthy(going so far as to kick them out of class. Then he'd do a complete 180 outside of class and try to be all best friends buddy buddy with everyone like he thought he was the most favourite teacher in the school. He really wasn't. (¤_¤)

I was one of his favorites (unfortunately..) I think its because I had a lot of smart/wealthier friends and he though I was really "smart". I was on the higher end of poor and yes I was kinda smart but I hung out and got along with a lot of people, it was a really small town and everyone knew each other since preschool so we all got along for the most part and we all hung out often.

I was also one of those quiet artsy types, I doodled in my note books to help remember the content of the lesson.. He latched onto that like a maggot on rancid meat. He would go through my school bag pulling out my art books and rummaging through my stuff! And would give me Word Art to colour in and draw on as homework! Hell I remember one incident where I threw my phone at him to get my art books off of him.. that he had grabbed from my bag during someone else's class!(we left them in a seperate area to the classroom)

Who the fuck does that!?

I had to get a fucking padlock for my school bag!

And the really sad(annoying) thing is, I actually enjoyed English class before he showed his nasty face. That year we were meant to be studying Shakespeare and Chaucer and all of the old English books which I've been reading since I was little and it was my year to shine! But he made me feel like a fucking toddler with his "colour in the pretty picture" (○u○)

That his classes generally consisted of watching movies/music videos and slacking off(not so great since we had really big important tests at the end of the year that decided our futures...) and him having hissyfits if anyone objected.. I spent half the time skipping his class and hiding out in the library.

Really didn't help that he had a real short fuse, trowing tantrums and screaming at anyone who questioned him..

I remember one big incident towards the end of year, I dont know what caused it since I wasn't part of the class, but I saw the ass end of it as I was walking past on my way to the library. He was having a massive tantrum screaming his head off, purple faced and throwing anything he could get his hands on. Including a chair that hit one of my bffs and knocking her down in the middle of class, seeing this I knock on the door, giving the excuse that bffs mum wanted her and was waiting at the main office(our parents were really close so one of us delivering messages like that was normal) I got her out of there and took her to the nurses office because the chair had cut her arm and reported what was happening to the main office(he didn't get the sack for that, but it definitely added fuel to the fire) when bffs mum was called in to pick up bff she stormed right over to the fucktard and tore him a new one(shes short but holy crap she's fucking scary) he steered clear of bff and her family(me included as extended family) after that.

So many kids were reporting him and trying to get him gone, but things really came to a head at the end of the year after the results for the HSC* came back. Thanks to Him everyone in his class failed the HSC, including graduate aged students who needed the HSC to get into university. Since about 2/3rd of the school failed the HSC the Board of Education sent someone to investigate what had happened.

It was a really big deal, kids were called in to be interviewed (those in his classes and some outside for confirmation) All of us were given an intensive 2 week course by another teacher and a second chance to sit our HSC (a very big deal! board of education never allows do-overs!), but in the end many of us barely scraped a pass and its affected our chances of getting into university and future career paths. Several in my year dropped out and others moved schools.

Thankfully it was the final nail in his coffin and he was gone for good, I moved after that year(for unrelated reasons) so I dont know how things went in the next years aftermath, but I hope the kids in the years to come never have to deal with something like that happening to them!

*Quick explanation of what the HSC is...HSC stands for High School Certificate. In the last 3 years of high school students take 3 HSC tests(that we call the HSCs) to prove we are ready to move onto the next year of study. There are 3 tests in the HSCs the students must pass to achieve the minimum standard and recieve our HSC– reading, writing and numeracy.

Each years HSC qualifies students for new opportunities:

Recieving the Year10 high school certificate means that you can go onto years 11 and 12 or drop out and go to TAFE(aka community college).

Recieving 11 & 12 qualifies for University entry although the qualifying courses change depending on how high you score in those tests.

So years 10, 11 and 12 are really full of studying and prep for those tests because they are so important to our futures.

[hriemens]

Little Love

Little Love: A Journey through Space, Time and Love

A ten-minute play by Hendrik Riemens.

Copyright (c) 2017 This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.

{Lights up on Mary and Jerry, who are frantically pacing back-and-forth in the middle of their living room. Something they find traumatic has clearly just taken place. They are centerstage right}

Mary:

Oh Jerry, I’m worried.

Jerry:

I know Mary, I know. I’m worried too, believe it or not.

Mary:

He’s just never behaved like this before. This is so unlike him.

Jerry:

What can I say Mary? We raised a strong boy. A rebel. A rolling-stone. He obeys no man and kneels to no creator.

Mary:

But to do something like this? Something so violent, so rash, so insensitive? I just, I can’t believe it.

Jerry:

I’m sorry honey. And I’m even sorrier to tell you it’ll probably happen again/

Mary:

OH NO! {Nearly faints, but like, not at all. She’s fine} If he slams another door in this house I’ll really faint!

Jerry:

Perhaps it’d be best if we give him some alone time.

Mary:

Or perhaps we should talk to him, show him that we’re there for him and that we still love him.

Jerry:

Oh drop the act woman! It’s not the end of the world for Christ’s sake. Mary you gotta keep it together. We need to show a firm hand right now... Jesus H. Fuck, you really put the mother in smother, you know that—

{Jerry gets interrupted as lights go out on Stage Right and immediately lights go up on Stage Left, where downstage, a lot closer to the audience than his parents, appears a young boy}

Ezekiel:

I’m sorry, you’ll have to excuse my father. He’s just one of those people. But, to his defense, so is my mother... hm... {Begins to ponder which of his parents is actually weirder} You know, I guess they’re both pretty peculiar. Oh, wait, where are my manners, I’m so sorry, Hi! I’m Ezekiel, the 10 year old child of Jerry and Mary Cook. If you didn’t quite understand what you just witnessed earlier, allow me to clarify: I just slammed a door on my parents for the first time. What you saw seconds ago was the inevitably-ugly aftermath. However, it’s all their fault. You see, my family can be a very volatile combination when we’re all together, thus we try to refrain from spending time together outside of daily meals, family reunions, etc. It’s not as bad as it sounds, really. We’re not a bad family, we don’t dislike each other, not at all. We care about and love each other, really, but just... put us all in a room together and you may as well be trying to recreate scenes from the Potsdam Conference. {Whispers} For those of you that don’t know what the Potsdam Conference is, it means Stalin, Truman and Churchill in the same room. {Whispers a little lower} For those of you that don’t know who Stalin, Truman or Churchill are, please leave right now. So, as I was saying, I think this might be the moment where some background on the three dynamic Cooks might help give you a better understanding of the bigger picture. Let’s begin with Mary Cook. {Spotlight on Mary Cook, who is standing stage right. She’s got a big smile on. Oh Mary} My Mom’s quite simple: of the two, she loves me the most, for she always dreamt of having her first-born be a boy, something her school-mates used to make fun of for some reason. Growing up she really wanted to be a musician, and unlike most successful musicians, actually went to school for it. But, you know, once Jerry shagged her up and I came into the picture, it was time for dreams to become reality and my mom decided to give up music in order to raise me full time. As it happens, it was a very good decision, for I turned out to be quite the handful. On the flip side, one of my favorite childhood memories is me “bathing” in the kitchen sink as I watched my mom cooking while she sang Josephine Baker’s “Don’t Touch Me Tomato” {In the background, Mary Cook begins to lightly but beautifully sing “Don’t Touch Me Tomato” by Josephine Baker}. Next, there’s Jerry Cook. The 8th of the eight Cook boys, my Dad’s always felt like he’s had to show {Imitating Jerry earlier} “a firm hand.” Because of this he’s got quirky rules behind what a man has to do to be respected, such as:

{Spotlight on Jerry Cook who is standing next to Mary Cook, yet they are not conscious of each others’ closeness. Jerry begins to demonstrate}

Jerry:

A respected man is he who takes a spoonful of vinegar like it’s a glass of water. A respected man is he who walks on rocks and other sharp and potentially-skin-cutting objects barefoot. A respected man is he who depends on no jacket during the winter, for the cold is only felt by the weak. In fact, a respected man is he who is never cold. That’s simpler. Maybe I should just say that?

Ezekiel:

He’s also not very smart, and only named me Ezekiel because he told his very religious in-laws that his favorite Bible passage was Ezekiel 25:17. Sadly enough, despite watching Pulp Fiction numerous times with subtitles, he still mis-spelled my name on my birth certificate, so I’m technically named “Ezikil.”

Lastly, there’s me, Ezekiel. I’m no genius, but I do have a photographic memory, which has meant that in my last 10 years of life I’ve jumped one grade level, making me the youngest member of my 6th grade class. I’ve won five Spelling-Bees at a national level. I speak three different languages, English, Spanish and French, which really comes in handy every time my dad tries to miseducate the rest of my already-uneducated family by lying and saying stuff like “Adieu” is “goodbye” in Spanish. But, most importantly, I remember perfectly every passing second of my life since I met my soulmate the first day of school in 6th grade Algebra, Georgina Duke {Lights off on Jerry and Mary Cook, as the spotlight moves center stage wherein stands Georgina Duke, a pretty blonde girl, wearing a pretty dress. She’s your typical Middle School crush. You can picture it yourself}. You see, despite all the great background information I’ve just given you on my myself and the two maniacs that have both birthed and raised me, the root of this story lies in Georgina Duke. Georgina was like no one I’d seen before in my life, she was angel-like {Georgina Duke puts on a Halo}, and her hair flowed like a peaceful river {Georgina shakes her head, which moves her hair like a “peaceful river”}, and her voice was even prettier than my mom’s {Georgina says “Hi”}.

Georgina:

Hi!

Ezekiel:

You see? Beautiful! And, as it turns out, Georgina is a visionary just like me, and when I confessed my undying love for her behind the school bleachers on the 2nd week anniversary of my having seen her angelic face in Algebra class, she said:

{Lights up on centerstage, where Georgina and Ezekiel stand in front of bleachers. Ezekiel is on his knees holding a Ring-Pop}

Georgina:

Oh my god Ezekiel, no man in my life has ever been as romantic as you. Who cares what others might think. I might be 11 years old and you might be 10. But you know what? To hell with society. Time is relative and age is just a number. Now give me that Ring-Pop you sly devil.

Ezekiel:

Georgina, as long as you’re by my side, you will have as many Ring-Pops and Capri Sun juice packs as your little heart desires.

{Lights back to Ezekiel on downstage left} 

So, since there was clearly nothing in our work lives that would interfere with our love for each other, and we were clearly prepared to take our relationship to the next level, Georgina and I decided to put our passion and longing for each other to the test:

Ezekiel and Georgina:

We shall wait until our four month anniversary to finally kiss each other.

Ezekiel:

To little surprise, our love-candle’s light never dimmed or weakened. On the contrary, it only shined brighter and burnt slower as we got to know each other intellectually. For example, we found out that Georgina and I have a lot of the same hobbies, which in my eyes only made her more beautiful. These hobbies include (As Ezekiel states the hobbies, the centerstage Georgina and Ezekiel re-appear and they demonstrate what all the hobbies look like): astronomy, stamp collecting, cartography, playing the board game “Risk” competitively, playing the board game “Monopoly” recreationally, watching Youtube videos of Neil deGrasse Tyson, and last but not least, making fun of our parents.

{Lights out on centerstage Georgina and Ezekiel}

Now, as the big day drew closer and closer, Georgina and I set certain ground rules and expectations to make the occasion picture perfect.

{Lights back on centerstage Georgina and Ezekiel}

Georgina:

It must be in a private location

Ezekiel:

And an intimate one as well

Georgina:

There will be no touching of anything other than the face

Ezekiel:

And for sanitation reasons must not last longer than 22 minutes. Agreed?

Georgina: 

Agreed

Ezekiel:

Are your parents out of town that day?

Georgina:

No. Yours?

Ezekiel:

No. Nevertheless, my parents go to the supermarket every Wednesday from 3 to 4:30. I could just tell them I’ll take the bus home 

Georgina:

And we go to your house 

Ezekiel:

Together

Georgina:

And we kiss there

Ezekiel:

Yes

Georgina: 

Yes

Ezekiel:

Are you comfortable with that? 

Georgina: 

Yes. Are you?

Ezekiel:

Yes.

Georgina: 

Agreed then. Your house from 3 to 4:30.

{Back to stage left Ezekiel}

So, as I told you a while back, the mental breakdown my parents were having at the beginning of our journey through space, time and love, was all their fault, for moments before Georgina and I were about to taste each other’s sweet sweet angelic lips, I heard two dreaded calls:

{Lights up on centerstage Georgina and Ezekiel, in Ezekiel’s bedroom, about to kiss. And, lights up on stage right Mary and Jerry}

Mary:

Ezekiel, baby, is that you? 

Jerry:

E-Z, boy are you home? 

Georgina:

Are those your parents?

Ezekiel:

I swear Georgina, they weren’t meant to be home.

Georgina:

We agreed on privacy and intimacy Ezekiel.

Ezekiel:

Worry not my Princess. I’ll take care of this. {Centerstage Ezekiel exits his bedroom to face his parents} Mother and Father, I asked that I not be disturbed till the latest hour of supper for I’ve gotten my first ever A- today in school. Please, keep your adult shenanigans to the minimum as I’m in dire need of peace and tranquility. That’ll be all. Thank you and goodbye {Centerstage Ezekiel goes back into his room and promptly slams the door shut. Instead of checking up on him, they begin to have the dialogue sequence from the beginning of the play. His plan worked. Lights back on stage right Ezekiel}

You see, if Jerry and Mary had just been in the supermarket like they were supposed to, I would have never had to slam my bedroom door on them or even lied to them—I obviously didn’t get an A- on anything, I mean, cmon. But hey, sometimes you gotta risk it {Lights back on centerstage Georgina and Ezekiel}, to get the biscuit {Centerstage Georgina and Ezekiel kiss. As previously agreed, only touching each other’s faces}.

The End.

[thecitylightshow]

(You’re Like) The Son I Never Had

So this idea has been floating around my head for a couple of days, so I’ve just sat down and written.... I apologise for the angsty-ness lower down but I promise a happy ending!! Also, @itsallavengers, consider this revenge/thanks for all the wonderful Tony and Peter you’ve graced us with. This is not the trans!Peter you were promised, but that is on it’s way. 

This can be found on Ao3 here

The first time Tony holds his son, it is with no small amount of panic. Happy had found the child left in the lobby of the tower, a birth certificate, apology and a DNA test left tucked into the basket with him. He has a small amount of fluffy brown hair, and he’s still sleeping soundly even as Pepper makes him pick the child up. The weight of this small baby in his arms makes him want to scream – this was never the plan, Tony can’t be trusted with himself, why would he be trusted with a child – but the child snuffles and curls into him, and the metaphorical ice fortress around his heart melts a little. The child blinks awake with dark dark eyes, and doesn’t cry.

Maybe Tony can do this.

(Beware the read more mobile users!)

“Come on Petey-pie, if we don’t get your hair washed then there’s no story!” Tony chides gently, and the two-and-a-half-year-old standing in the bath tub looked comically horror striken.

“Stowy?” he asks, lower lip beginning its signature tremble, and it needs to stop right now, or Tony is going to fold like a bad hand of poker.

“Hair wash.” Tony replies, holding up the no-tears bottle of shampoo. Peter eyes it with the wariness only a toddler can muster, but plonks his ass down in the few inches of water and grumpily allows Tony to wash his hair. Once he’s done though, all is forgiven, and Peter is hiding beneath a towel, giggling and giggling as Tony tickles him and peppers the bits of him he can reach with kisses.

“Dada, no!” The kid giggles, but Tony doesn’t relent until Peter eyes are starting to droop. He cradles the child on his hip, and wonders how there was ever a split thought of giving this up. The boy sleepily allows Tony to help him into some pjs, and is sleeping when Tony sets him down. There’ll be no bedtime story tonight, but Tony still sits on the edge of the bed a while, treasuring the moment. Peter will be growing up in no time.

   Peter’s first day of pre-school is tense.

The boy had woken Tony up ridiculously early, excited and bouncy and far too eager. He insists upon one of his special shirts – you wear a suit when you go to school daddy – and Tony is too in love with his little boy to argue. Peter’s rucksack is unpacked and repacked to make sure he has his best pencils and in the pencil case that Auntie Nat brought by, and he has his juicebox for break time. He looks so cute, and Tony has Jarvis takes lots and lots of pictures.

Peter is thrumming with energy as he holds Tony’s hand into the school yard, and then is off the moment a kid in the class invites him to play. He comes back, to drag Tony down for goodbye kisses, and Tony is promised by a young pretty teacher that his son is in good hands.

He cries the moment he’s alone in the car.

    Peter loves school – he’s smart, just like Tony was, but Tony isn’t just like Howard was (thank fuck) and so Peter can do what he likes with those smarts. He reads and he draws and asks Tony to teach him more maths. Tony does, and they spend weekends at the museum with Rhodey on his leave and Bruce when Rhodey’s gone, and Peter is quick and eager to learn.

He’s not afraid to be wrong, and he’s not afraid to be silly and Tony starts to believe he’s doing a good job. When Peter comes home and says he wants to build a robot for the future, Tony is immeasurably proud – but all the time Peter stands at his side at the lowered worktop bench, Tony is thinking away… The robot is only a kit, because Tony won’t allow Peter to be hurt the way he was, not yet not ever, but as he twists the bolts with confidence and follows the instructions with ease… bots for the future. Perhaps it’s time to change Tony’s legacy, to medicine and clean energy and all those things Tony’s considered before but been told it wasn’t his job. He can make it his job.

After all, what kid wants to inherit a weapons company?

   **

   The pain in Tony’s chest is a burning, consuming thing. Each breath brings it to new heights, and as his breathing quickens and the panic begins, Tony wonders if it might be kinder to have died.

It’s Obadiah’s betrayal that hurts the most, the unknown facts of who might stand with him that hurt next… if his company is against him, then what has he got left? There’s Rhodey, but Tony knows he’s paid for it now, and there’s Pepper but it’s not like she isn’t paid too… Yinsen might’ve saved his body, but Tony’s fairly certain he’s beyond saving his soul. A weapons company that sells to both sides is no good karma, and Tony’s own ignorance is a blight he’ll never absolve himself off.

They waterboard him to the point where the battery in his chest delivers him electric shocks, but still he just won’t die. If he gets out of this alive, it must be for a reason – and Tony is going to find it if it kills him.

   **

   Peter finishing elementary happens at the normal age. Tony had driven Pepper crazy wondering if he should have let Peter skip grades, and Pepper had slapped Tony upside the head. When Peter starts to get bored in lessons, Tony gives him things to do at home, and keep Peter where he is – he benefits, undoubtedly, from company and friends his own age. He comes home each day and does his homework beside Tony in the workshop, and then they work on a project together before tea. Tony cooks most nights, and once in a while Pepper will join them – Pepper never wanted, never wants children, but she makes an exception in Peter.

High school is an entirely different battle, because earnest Peter Parker Stark is genuinely just trying to be helpful when he corrects his teachers. Ned will stand up for him when they share classes, but often Peter finds himself in detention. Thankfully he learns – via Tony saying, teachers are idiots, Peter, but they mean well… here, correct that would you? and Peter laughing as he’s passed a recently published paper because this is child’s play dad, c’mon – and he studies hard. He joins band, and he’s on the decathlon team. He builds LEGO deathstars with Ned and laughs at Michelle’s dry wit – Tony likes that girl – and his grades are perfect in everything except gym (which Tony is never gonna judge the kid for, gym sucks).

   Tony is just revolutionising clean energy when Peter enters the science fair, and Tony ditches two important meetings to make sure that he’s there to applaud and cheer and embarrass the fuck out of this kid that he loves – and that’s where he meets Steve.

Steve had been one of Peter’s teachers in elementary – Tony isn’t sure of which grade – but now, Tony takes some notice. He’s come to see Peter, because he’d always believed the kid was smart and he was over-joyed to see it recognised. Peter comes down to see them both, first prize pinned neatly to his chest, just as they’re introducing themselves.

“Mr Rogers!” Peter exclaims, shocked to see him. “You came!” Steve grins and holds his fist out for a fist bump which Peter dazedly accepts.

“You told me to look out for you becoming a real scientist – and when I heard you were competing I knew I couldn’t miss it.” Steve told him, honest and happily, and he’s proud, proud of Tony’s son, and instead of feeling jealous or oddly protective, Tony thinks he might be in love.

   Their first date goes swimmingly, the conversation flowing from Peter to art to teaching to Stark Industries new changes; Steve doesn’t judge his past and Tony shuts his mouth about not liking art really at all. They share a dessert and Steve shyly takes his hand just outside the restaurant after they’ve playfully fought over the check – Steve didn’t care that Tony is a billionaire, just told him he could get the next one but Steve was paying for this one and he could suck it – and walks him all the way back to Stark Tower.

Tony sends flowers to his work the next day, and gets a hilarious series of texts about the kid’s reactions to them. Four dates more, and Tony tells Peter and Peter grins and tells him it’s about time. Time passes and Steve migrates into their lives and their home and their hearts over the years. He cooks better than Tony and draws better than them both. He’s no mathematician but he’s good at sports in a way that even Peter can get better, and if Steve hadn’t been there Peter would’ve lost marks on that history test. Because of Steve and his crazy adoptive Dad’s, Peter takes French instead of Spanish and talks and talks and talks all the way up to calling Steve Da-

   **

   Tony looks through the portal as he approaches it, and wishes for more time.

More time to build a life with Pepper, to be a better friend to Rhodey – but also to get to know the team who stand below him. The stars will welcome him, and the cold will return, and Tony will have known Steve Rogers, Captain America, for all of a matter of hours. It hardly seems fair, but Tony has lived on borrowed time since his twenties, and definitely since Afghanistan.

Time, he wishes for because SI has so much to do, and still needs an heir chosen if Tony’s going to carry on risking his life and he can’t get through to Pepper and Jarvis is gone from the HUD and he’s falling and falling and hoping it works. He’ll probably never know and it’s all too late and- fuck, the Hulk roars loudly.

Still got time.

Still looking for that reason.

   **

   Tony and Steve get married the year Peter turns fifteen. It’s a spring wedding, with only their close friends, and a few of Peter’s – Pepper cries and Natasha pretends not to, but James Barnes makes no effort to pretend he’s not sobbing into his girlfriend’s shoulder. Clint brings his family, and Phil Coulson plays a star-stuck aide to Tony’s Aunty Peggy. Peter loves his suit and hates his tie because he can’t actually tie it.

Tony and Steve cry through their vows, kiss their way through the meal and laugh through the evening (and the sex) and apologise to Peter in the form of a dog. Peter loves the dog, and actually kisses both their cheeks for the first time in years he’s so excited. He walks her every day and cares for the retriever – he calls her Karen, weird fucking kid – with all his attention.

Peter goes to Homecoming with the girl he’s been crushing on for over a year – she’s a senior and her father does fantastic shipping work for Tony, a family man who cares deeply about his wife and his daughter and his work. She’s perfect for Peter, even if they’re young, and Peter has this giddy, punch-drunk smile when he gets home later that evening and Tony’s so proud of his boy, growing up to be an awkwardly charming, intelligent young man-

   **

   -whip-smart and fast to match it, and Steve’s shock is deafening in its silence as the kid lands on top of the vehicle, shield in hand. Tony knew the kid had been a long shot, but he’s impressed. Parker’s taken instantly to the new suit, and Tony’s almost looking forward to cultivating that potential but first he’s got to deal with the stubborn-ass in front of him.

Something tells him that he and Steve shouldn’t be fighting, that they could never hurt each other – but the same thing tells him that the shield Steve’s just slammed into his chest is one he can’t possibly own, so Tony doesn’t listen to it.

   **

   Peter spends his last two years of high-school applying for and acing university run courses because he’s just that smart, and Tony is impossibly proud. Bruce is also impossibly proud, and Peter’s already being offered internships that graduates would compete for. He’ll go far in whatever field of science he chooses, and sometimes Tony likes to remind Peter of that, and make the kid take a break for once.

Steve also goes back to school in those years, finally deciding to go back and get the master’s degree in Art History he’d always intended to get before his parents had fallen ill and he’d gone on to join the army. He enjoys it immensely – rediscovering a passion for art that makes Tony fall in love with him all over again. He loves his boys, his husband and son, more than words can ever express.

He buys them stupid gifts one random morning in April because he loves them and he needs them to know and actions is just how he shows it, even now.

   **

   Actions are all that count in a battle. Should’ve thoughts and could’ve thoughts mean little when people you know – that you fight with and live with and love – are under fire.

The Gauntlet rolls away as Thanos is blasted backwards by the combined force of the Guardians, Strange, Barnes and the Falcon, and Tony knows what he could do, should do – will do. He staggers up and away in the heavy armour, only partially online, and tells Friday to rescind his own left gauntlet, she protests but does so, and Tony Stark raises the infinity gauntlet as a fist to return to the fray.

The power of it is over-whelming, but Tony has his mission – to protect his family, at all costs. It takes him a moment to remain in his own mind, not to lose himself in the realms of possibility, but he manages it, and turns back to the battle in time to see Thanos advance again, this time heading straight towards Spiderman, sixteen-year-old Peter Parker with no job still being here and a whole life ahead of him, and Tony sees red.

He steps from the armour without thought, still wielding the gauntlet, and heads towards Thanos. “Back the fuck away from my son, you grape-faced fucker.” Tony snarls – he doesn’t know whether he intends to punch him or back hand him or simply point and wish, but suddenly there’s screaming. It’s loud and piercing and yikes, the person screaming must be in no small amount of agony and- oh. That’s him screaming, he realises, as he fights with the gauntlet to make it do what he needs, to make things right and not break the universe trying to give him what he wants-

   **

   Tony wakes in a cold sweat, breathing momentarily ragged but it slowly calms. He’s not sure where the fuck that sort of nightmare came from – he’s going to have to stop watching so much Sci-Fi, maybe – but the image of Nat hugging a young Peter tightly wars with the image of a colder, harder women with lighter hair and jaded eyes. That women stands back-to-back with someone battled hardened and metal armed that Tony’s brain thinks is Bucky – but Steve’s beloved brother had simply served his tours and come home to Natasha.

Tony rolls over, shaking the image from his head, and tucks his face into his husband’s neck to sleep.

   **

   Tony wakes in a cold sweat to yelling, breathing momentarily ragged but it slowly and refusing to calms. He’s not sure where what the fuck that sort of nightmare came from is going on, but there’s large, calloused hands shaking him roughly, smaller – younger? – hands clinging to one of his own. He wonders if he’s still screaming but he can catch snippets of words and tries to cling to them. Dear sweet husband Steve saying “we were meant to have time” and hadn’t they had it already? “No no, Stark! Stay with me!” he calls and that’s odd, that’s wrong, Steve’s only ever called him Stark when-

Pain rockets through him again and hands clutch at him tighter and he tries hard to breathe, hearing “we need you” and “I need you”, sobbed and whispered like confessions at the altar. “Tony please,” comes like a prayer and “you can’t leave Peter” is tantamount to begging, and Tony wants to give the voice what he asks for but he’s no longer sure who is talking and the universe is screaming that something is so incredibly wrong.

“Tony? Tony! Tony, Tony no-“ the voices calls, but so does the universe, and he closes his eyes and lets it have him.

    The last time Tony wakes it is for good, with the bright white ceiling of the hospital above him.

His first instinct is to cry – he’s not sure what happened after he picked up the gauntlet, unable to let Peter be taken from him, but there’s a fake set of memories trying to settle beside the real ones and his heart mourns a life he never had. He sits up, and takes in the Avengers crammed into the room on shitty plastic chairs, and his breath catches in his throat. The first tears burn down his cheeks, sob torn from his chest without permission, and the second is choked off as he tries to stop, the third lost as a chair screeches across the hospital floor. Tony finds himself pulled against a hard chest, and he grips the shirt tightly, uncaring whose hands it is that hold him close.

“You’re okay, Tony, god, you’re alright, we’re all going to be alright.” Steve is whispering into his hair and Tony wants more than anything to believe it – someone else in the room seems to wake, and then there’s weight on the other side of him where he’s sat up in the bed, and thin, strong arms wrap around his waist from behind. “I thought we lost you.” Steve murmurs, kissing the top of his head as Peter cries into the back of his head.

People squeeze Tony’s shoulder as they wander past – walking sleepily and grinning to see Tony alive even if his heart is breaking – and soon it’s just Tony, Steve and Peter left in the hospital room. Tony wants to ask what happened, understand what it is that he did, but when Steve pulls away – newly shaved, in a simple shirt and sweatpants though his hair still hangs about his ears – he’s distracted by the love that he can see there. “I- Steve?”

“We all saw what you dreamt, Tony.” Steve tells him softly, one hand now cradling the back of Tony’s head, but the other is rubbing slowly – a comfort – up and down on Peter’s arm. “And I- probably should have mentioned, I-“ Steve swallows, and drops his gaze for a moment. He makes sure to look up to continue though, and let Tony see the truth in his eyes. “I’ve loved up since you flew that damn bomb into space. Though I guess I took a while to work it out.”

Tony blinks. Hard. Before he can respond though, Peter squeezes his waist again, and mumbles something into his shoulder. Tony, despite the ache in his shoulder, reaches back to try and pull the kid where he can see him. “Speak up, Petey.” He tells him, the nickname slipping off his tongue for the first time like he’s said it hundreds of times before, and Peter shifts to be hugging him side on with a tired, tear-filled smile.

“You called me your son.” Peter replies softly, and Tony knows that he’s thinking of Aunt May – Aunt May who he wonders if they’ve found while he’s be down for the count, if they’ve had the funeral… “I- I wouldn’t mind holding you to that.” He’s only half joking, and it comes out too weak, and Tony tugs the kid – still so unbearably young – down so he can kiss the top of his head. It feels natural, easy, even if it’s new.

“I think we can do that.” Tony says, hugging him tighter and looking up to meet to Steve’s smile. “We can do that.”

[elderothpersonal]

Today was a strange day for me. I played hookie from work so I could spend the day studying. I’d read several sections of a chapter, watch the corresponding video that went with it, and did this on and off for about six hours. I actually feel like I’m leaning.

My biggest issue is that I am torn. My job is without a doubt the most stressful thing I’ve been dealing with in recent years, and I’ve only been working there a month. It probably has everything to do with the fact that I am HORRIBLE at multi-tasking, yet that is 100% what I do. I’m lucky if I can do three things at once, but at work I’m expected to do somewhere around 10+ at any given time. On an average day. That’s not even counting the hard days. I only get one day off at a time, and each day off is spent dreading going back to work the next day instead of relaxing.

I’ve been so stressed about work lately that I think I blew out the lights in the fridge. It’s also been storming a lot lately, too. My shoulders are so tense that I’m actually feeling back pains. Just the mere thought of work is enough for me to tense up enough that I notice it.

But what does that have to do with me being torn? Because having this job lights a hot fire under my ass. I’ve always had issues with staying motivated, long before this. But having this job has made me realize that if I don’t push myself, it won’t get better than this. I have a fucking college degree and three certifications, but I can’t do better than customer service. It’s enraging, knowing that I’ve paid so much money and worked my ass off to get where I am, and it’s still not enough. 

So I need to aim even higher, work even harder. But there’s a part of me that is saying that studying further won’t improve things, that I’ve already spent 10+ years on all these pieces of paper that prove I’m smart and capable. And look at where I am now.

Customer service.

This isn’t where the ceiling is. This isn’t the highest I can go. But this job is distracting me from what I need to do. I have plenty of money in the bank that I don’t have to work for a good six months. I don’t need this job. But I fear that if I quit my job, I’ll lose that fire under my ass. I fear that I’ll lose the motivation that I’ve got.

It doesn’t help that I’ve been so stressed out that I’m actually thinking of smoking some weed to force myself to relax. But of course, if I did that, then there’s no point in grinding out my studies. After all, what good are certifications for if you can’t pass a drug test?

Then again, what good are my certifications now?

It also doesn’t help that I’m feeling vulnerable and lonely right now and wish I had somebody to talk to. Even if they just kept me company for a bit before I went to sleep.

[steroidusr]

etrian odyssey III part 1: prologue

holy shit, it's eo3

As if tacitly admitting it, the Senatus ruling over Armoroad have invited explorers to their city. The invitation drew throngs of eager explorers who gathered to traverse the undersea maze. But none of the throngs who came to challenge that maze were strong enough to master it. The impenetrable ruins came to be known as the Yggdrasil Labyrinth, and its legend spread further... You yourself are an explorer who has heard its legend and now sail to Armoroad to investigate. Your only objective: to challenge the Labyrinth and win fame and fortune. Your hour is at hand!

i love that the whole plot of eo games is "explore this, get rich and famous"

so the first place we can go is the explorers guild and-- ok that looks a little glitchy nds emulation is hard

"I'm here to supervise all the explorers who find themselves in our fair burg. Here's a little something I give every new guild for signing up."

the gradient text box looks cool (he also gives us a cross script, a resolve script, and an offense script. i'll get into what those are for later)

"Think hard, because that name may be known someday across the seven seas. It all depends on you."

HELL YEAH

[i held a vote on our guild name and the channel chose “The Troll Slaiyers”, but that’s too long so i went with just “Slaiyers”]

absolutely not but the people have spoken

"Well then, step two is registering explorers in your guild. You'll need to hire a few folks, but it's up to you whether or not you want to become a member too." At the Explorers Guild, you can register explorers and organize your party. Choose your favored classes from the list and form a party of up to five explorers.

you can talk to npcs in town too

"Even experienced warriors get swallowed up by that Labyrinth every day... If you've come here as weekend warriors, I'll be straight with you: hit the beach instead."

we can choose up to five characters to bring along at a time i should add: characters in the front row take more damage from phys attacks and are more likely to be targeted, so it's better to put characters with high defense/vitality there

[and this is the party the channel voted on]

"Oh, but before you go, let me explain one more thing. It’s about the documents I just gave you along with the guild certificate... Smart explorers actually read them carefully. If you don’t feel like it, just throw them away... But if you hope to go all the way in the Labyrinth, you’d be well-served giving them a look."

In this game, powerful abilities called Limit Skills can be used by up to five party members. Limit Skills can be learned by obtaining documents with the skill details written in them. Gather various Limit Skills and use them well to make your time in the Labyrinth easier.

and then we're sent back to the main town screen, only now all the facilities are available to us. we could go to the senatus first like the guildmaster suggested, or we could check out the other places in town...

ONWARD

FIFTH STRATUM

...and then youre immediately kicked back to the town screen. >:(

FINE

"Then you’d best remember this: You stand in an assembly hall of the Senatus, Armoroad’s government. And I am she who wields the Senatus’ authority to manage explorers such as yourselves. This is where so-called explorers’ skills are tested to sort the true warriors from the cowards. If you want to be recognized as true Armoroad explorers, accept the mission I issue you now."

Carry out these missions to gain various rewards and advance the game’s storyline. Select ”Accept mission” from the menu to see the details.

so there are a few things we can do here. "accept mission", like the game said, lets us accept missions from the senatus. "report results" is how we report completed missions

"report discoveries" lets us log monsters we've encountered and item drops we've won from battles. materials we get from gathering points are logged in the item compendium too. "talk" is self-explanatory:

"Just don’t get lost in the assembly hall on your way here!"

anyway, you have to accept the senatus' mission before you can go into the labyrinth, so let's do that

"The guard there will have more details for you. Look to him before you proceed. Ah, but you must have parchment first, eh? Here is the blank map given to explorers. Use it well."

when she said we have to draw our own map, she wasnt kidding--a big part of the game is drawing a map of each floor on the bottom screen (...uh, i guess it's the "right screen" here) floor tiles are filled out automatically, but you have to draw in the walls and other details yourself

NOW we're free to go into the labyrinth ...but we're not going to yet. actually, doing so now would be a really bad idea

......because we still need to buy equipment

"In that case, welcome to Napier’s Firm. We carry all the weapons, armor, and tools you’ll require. Here at our Firm, the customer is God. We’ll spare no expense for those who line our coffers. Though that is conditional on you participating in a transaction. No window shoppers, please."

you start out with 500en (short for "ental"), which is just barely enough to get your party equipped

(i start by buying shuro's sandals for everyone) ...it says theyre made of shuro tree leaf, so i have a feeling the name shouldve just been "shuro sandals", as opposed to implying there's a dude named Shuro or whatever

i also buy an absurdly expensive shield for homare, because she needs a shield to use her tanky skills, and this is the only one available

aaand we're broke

"Skilled explorers have few qualms at parting with their money. Stinginess never saved a life. All things depend upon money. Your finances dictate whether you master Yggdrasil or die penniless. Remember that. So then, what can I get for you?"

alright, everyone's all equipped. we could go into the labyrinth now, but��im gonna check out the rest of town first just to get it out of the way

"Not only can you spend the night here, we have doctors to treat your wounds, too! So, is this your first time in Armoroad? Isn’t it awesome? Those clear seas! Those blue skies!"

we're gonna be seeing a lot of this place

"stay" lets us, obviously, stay at the inn. this fully heals the hp/tp of all (alive) party members. it also passes the time a bit, allowing you to stay at the inn until either the next morning or until nightfall

"treatment" lets us revive dead or petrified party members (later games had dead/petrified party members heal automatically when staying at the inn)

"store" lets us put excess items in storage. this can be pretty useful because we have limited inventory space (and multiples of the same kind of item dont stack)

and "save" is, of course, the most important option of all:

anyway, we're not actually gonna stay here, because there's no need to. also we're totally fucking broke, in case anyone forgot i mean, we WILL stay here, eventually. but not right now.

ah, so youve heard about us...

"They call this the ocean city, ’cuz so many people from across the seas wind up here. I bet you’d enjoy taking a walk around town before you go down into the Labyrinth."

good idea! let's do that

"Well, welcomes to you! This is the Butterfly Bistro, and I am the owner here! Once you finish the mission that the old lady gives all the newbies, I can give you work. ...Until the then time, have some drinkings and chattings with the other explorers here!"

this is where you can accept quests, which are sort of like... mini-missions. tbh there wasnt much reason to do these in eo1 and eo2, cuz the rewards werent too great, but in eo3 they give you exp too, so it's worth it to do as many quests as you can

anyway, let's talk to this dude

(bar patrons dont have character portraits, unfortunately)

"I’m Wolfram, a troubadour. I’ve wended my way from the far north all the way to this ocean city. I’ve been here a long time... I may have a few words of advice about challenging that place."

(troubadours were a class in eo1/eo2. theyre bards, basically)

what should we ask him about first?

"Her sobriquet of the Porcelain Princess comes from her pure, white shining skin... Her voice is like music from the harps of the goddesses; radiant enough to tame monsters! But even the goddesses wouldn’t linger in her presence for having to compete with her face... She is Princess Gutrune, a lovely goddess of Armoroad in her own right! Her visage is the stuff dreams are made of... Though, mind you, I’ve never seen her in person. Each successive princess in Armoroad is named Gutrune. I’ll tell you the reason... later."

what should we ask next?

"A free city of clear skies and white clouds, an endless sea, and a vibrant, eclectic culture!

"...But freedom can’t exist without order. This country does have a royal family. Sadly, the modern royal family has been reduced to mere figureheads... Ah, but who then governs Armoroad? The aristocrats of the Senatus, led by a fearsome old crone! Consider her to be the true power behind Armoroad. You’ll most certainly meet her yourselves. There’s more to Armoroad’s royal family than that, but... Let’s leave that for another time, hm?"

the calamity, AKA the backstory

"But around 100 years ago, the center of Armoroad was suddenly swallowed by the ocean! Afterwards, the rippling waters became tidal waves... The gentle breeze gave way to earthquakes. Armoroad’s advanced technology was sunk, which ended diplomatic relations with nearby countries. It’s been a long road to recovery for Armoroad, but even today, it’s nowhere near what it once was... Not since the Calamity. If you ask anyone here, you’ll get nothing but a stony silence. Then again, that’s just because no one knows exactly what went on 100 years ago! It wasn’t all bad, mind you. After the Calamity, a Labyrinth was revealed, drawing explorers here. Though the Senatus had other reasons for gathering explorers... But that tale can wait for now."

I've Had Enough Of This Guy

"...Ah, but I jest, I jest. Come again, explorers, if you wish to hear my stories."

we have better things to do..... such as talking to the barkeep instead

uh... we're... working on it...

"...Ah, you are just heading out? You may want to gather info before you go in there. Oh, by the by the way, what’s the name of your guild? ...Slaiyers? That’s cool! I will make sure to be remembering it. I am hoping to do a lot of business with you, Slaiyers!"

u///u

alright, there's just one last place i want to check out before the FIFTH STRATUM

"You’ll need permission from the Senatus to go on voyages, so you should seek that out first."

...well, that was pointless

time to FINALLY get this show on the road