#also you can be a tiefling in the base game this time so im gonna do that instead of an elf see im branching out

[cortexreaver]

been trying to start playing nwn2 for like three days now but the amount of new races and classes and shit is so overwhelming ive just been gathering bugfixes and custom hair while trying to come up with a build but im proud to announce ive finally settled on one: a dual-wielding rogue/assassin 😌

[tilthedayidice]

hey! i know you said you would be up for doing some more bg3 mod recs, and im having trouble finding what cool outfits i want to put my gang in. do you have any armour/outfit mods?

in return i offer my current favourite mod: Boring Dyes by HeartsWires 💗

Yes, Yes I do. And that's actually one of my favorite dye mods too!!!!!!!! (editing Lacey here, I forgot to add a title to this)

While I have your attention, here's a cool site to help Palestine, all you gotta do is click it daily.

Dressing my crew up in silly little outfits is like 60% of my game playtime. 10% of it is spent making us all the same color scheme.

I do wanna give you a heads up and let you know a lot of outfit mods are made with Bodies 1 and 2 of the Elven/Human/Tiefling races in mind. I will have it listed which Body types are supported if the mod author also lists it. If the list is too long I'll direct you to the page.

Welcome to my Baldur's Gate 3 Mod list on How to Dress for Success (or in my case, for bed most of the time)

Gonna start with Mods made for individual characters, then move on to outfit packs. Any Mods that feature NSFW option will have a little disclaimer at the end in.......... lets say purple this time. And if it can be found in the tutorial chest mod it'll be listed in orange, for contrast... ya its all comin up milhouse

Alot of these outfit mods can either be purchased from vendors found around Faerun, or can be found in the Tutorial Chest Summoning. This Mod allows you to summon the Cartilaginous chest found in the tutorial level, and mods that support this will be available in said chest during the tutorial, or can be summoned later in game.

Individual Character Outfit Packs:

These Mods were made with a specific character in mind and are themed around them.

Astarion's Gear

Vampire and Rogue themed gear made for Astarion so it's only avaibnle for Male Body 2. Features both Armor and Camp Clothing. Can be found in the Tutorial Chest.

Gale Concept Art Armor

From the mod page "Adds Gale an armor set based on one of his concepts from the official art book. Visuals work only for default body type 2.". This mod features a flashier Suit jacket armor set and camp clothing for Gale. I also want to recommend Unique Starter Robes for Gale and Camp Robes for Gale, they're far less flashy and more in line with his original armor, but offer a nice change. Can be found in the Tutorial Chest

Halsin Barer Clothes

I'm just gonna put the description here... "Custom made armor/camp clothes specifically made for Halsin and his body type to show his gifts from Nature. Comes in Autumn colors too."Main mod is only made to fit halsin, so Body Type 4 will work. Camp Clothing option. This mod is made to fit the main 4 Body Types. Can be found in the Tutorial Chest.

Bundle Packs:

This Mods feature a large variety of outfits either made for a specific body type or for a variety of body type.

Basket Full of Equipment

This Mod contains a huge variety of in game outfits and some edited one. When I say Huge variety, it has over 800 pieces of armor and equipment in it. Has options for every Body Type, some options are race/gender/size restricted. Comes with NSFW, Underwear to Underwear Slot converter, and Camp Clothing Converter. NSFW options, can be found in the tutorial Chest. Features Cheat Items.

Scantily Camp Outfit

This mod features a variety of edited outfits to make themore... revealing. I like pairing this one with one of the modular outfit mods. I'm not here for cheeks out, but i do like some of the cool variants. This mod is mostly available for Femme Body Types but does come with some Male Body 2 options. Heads up, I do infarct fuckin hate the shoes. They're High Heels and not even sturdy lookin ones. But puttin Shadowheart in the withers outfit is worth imo. NSFW options, Can be found in the Tutorial Chest

Proof it works on men (I'll never do an ID again):

This was a happy accident (I laughed really hard when i saw him at camp)

Vsetments of the Faithful (Bane Bhaal Myrkul Ilmater Leira Milil Mystra Raven Queen Selune Shar Silvanus)

This mod pack contains armor from the Vanilla assets of the game, giving you access to all Deity based equipment. Suitable for most body type, each set has its own exception. Youi can download this as a mega set of all deities, or pick and choose. Can be found in the Tutorial chest.

Citizens Outfits as Camp Clothes

This mod features outfits you see NPCs wearing in Baldur's Gate (uh the city) and is compatible with All Body Types. Can be found in the Tutorial Chest

Fancy Camp Clothes

This Mod is mostly for Body type 1 with a few options also fitting Body Type 2 and features custom outfits with more of a noble vibe to them. The night song outfit in the pack is super nice looking and is so good for Shadowheart. Can be found in the Tutorial Chest.

Extra Gear

This Mod features a wide variety of armor and clothing (for armor slot) for a variety of Body Types, I recommend checking out the mod page for what goes where. Themes available for all classes.This creator has a Camp Clothing Converter, made the Fancy Camp Clothes mod, and has Paladin and Cleric Gear and More Mage Gear available as well. Can be found in the Tutorial Chest. Features Cheat Items.

Witcher Gear

This is actually going to be a collection of mods based on the Witcher series outfits. I don't play these games, but I love the outfits. Witcher 3 Armor (Keira Ciri Yennefer Margarita) features gear from the listed characters only for Body 1 NSFW Options, can be found in the Tutorial Chest. Yennefer's Wardrobe outfits from the mentioned character for all Body Types. Can be found in the Tutorial Chest. Triss's Wardrobe Outfits based on the mentioned character for all Body Types, can be found in the Tutorial Chest.

Once again here's Astarion in a silly outfit, I treat him like a princess, leave me alone. (I'll be listing my outfit in the misc section see Nymph Outfit)

Mystical Fashions

12 Outfits for bodytype2 Elf/Drow/Half-Elf/Tiefling/Human. Armor and camp clothes abailable, these are Vanilla outfits edited to have a more Roguish appearence. Featuring fur trims and feathers. Can be found in the Tutorial Chest.

Modular Pieces:

These are Mods that feature outfit pieces that can be equipped in the head/cloak/shoe slots to create a different look. Some of these mods will result in clipping.

Modular Equipment

This Mod provides pieces of armor to layer over your outfits.It only supports Body 1 Humans, Elves, Drow, and Half-Elves/ Tieflings are partially supported. Most items come with Both armor and camp clothing options. Can be found in the Tutorial Chest

Modular Skirts

This mod comes with a variety of skirts clipped from other outfits made to layer over yours. Each skirt currently supports different Body Types so be sure to check the mod page to see what works for who. I personally use the Jaheira skirt a lot. Can be found in the Tutorial Chest

Modular Pants and Skirts

This Mod features 14 Pants and Skirts ripped from in game outfits for you to layer over existing sets. Compatible with Most Body Types. Comes with a backpack for both Cloak and Head slots. Can be found in the Tutorial Chest.

Accessory Mods!

These Mods add in small accessories to finish off your outfits like; Necklaces, Hats, Cloaks, Glasses, and more. Many of these mods are placed in the Head or Cloak slots.

Box of Necklaces

Exactly what it sounds like. Adds a little extra sparkle to your characters! Available in both Head and Cloaks Slots. Works for everyone. Not dyable. Can be found in the Tutorial Chest.

Tav's Hairpin Box

Adds a variety of small hair pins for the Head slot. Has slight clipping with some hairstyles, it was made to pair with Bruenor Braids. Mostly for Body 1 compatible with some Githyanki. Can be found in the Tutorial Box.

Faerunian Carnival

A collection of Carnival Masks to your game. These maks are mostly made for Humanoid characters, some Githyanki work has been done but there is some positioning issues. Can be found in the Tutorial Chest.

Miscellaneous Mods

These mods only add a single outfit, item, or accessory to the game.

Trilli Bumbleroot 's backpack

This mod features a set of armor, accessories, and camp clothing strictly for gnomes Body type 1. The set is nature elements and comes with 2 dyes. Can be found in the Tutorial Chest.

Nymph's Outfit

Long Flowy Robes suitable for all Bodies and Races. Comes in Both Camp Clothing and Armor. Can be found in the Tutorial Chest. NSFW-ish?

Mushroom Hat

Its a hat! And it looks like a mushroom! And it glows! I have it right now but I don't have a character I think it'll suit..... Thinkin about puttin it on Minthara. Its is a blue mushroom ripped stright from the underdark's assets. It comes in Pink and Blue glow. Can be found in the Tutorial Chest.

Triss Dlc Gown for Mystra

It's the previous Mod from the Witcher section, but slapped it on Mystra. Her outfit sucks, she sucks, this is better lmao

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII think I should go ahead and post this for now before it get... too long, but i will be updating this post if any of these mods have updates, or I find something new and interesting!

If you have any specifics you'd like me to find and add on let me know!

Dividers made by @saradika-graphics !!

[robynbaldurlogs]

baldur log day 1 + 2

day 1 i dont have much to show for this day visually bc i wasnt actively documenting... but essentially, i: made my character, went through the beginning tutorials and stuff, took the little brain guy with me, saved shadowheart, and crashed on the beach. then i stopped playing. here is the only image i took before i got off LOL

day 2 ok. so: shadowheart is cool as fuck. i LOVE her already. cannot wait to strengthen the social link with her or whatever the hell you call it. get the friendship numbers up. this fuckass poem had me dead:

shoutout the bitch queen ig whoever you are. keep serving also i love this fucking guy. i can tell hes a conniving fuck but ohhhh hes kinda hot though!

like why is he kinda cunty. but yea anyways he joined my party. also met this guy. gale. he is strangely charming. but he also gives me zephyr breeze vibes (which is bad) and jack sparrow vibes (which is very good). told my friend speves that and that i thought he looked like a smart himbo and she was like "i dont blame you for that read" + "we'll see" which i Dont Know how to take. my judgements were based off the literal first minute of conversation btw

+ really stupid visual glitch i almost didnt notice. theyre fusing

shadowheart talk your shit man.

"just waiting, like a lovesick puppy?" ...... thats a bad thing? whatever you say man. gonna scare shadowheart with commitment. COMMITMENT JUMPSCARE BOO also little parentheses shadowheart is the most fucking dementia raven way ass name and i love it but it was hard to take it seriously for a little bit. warrior cats ass name. also i got crazy fucking lucky with my rolls. dont have many screenshots but i kept getting high numbers it was lucky as shit up until gale talked to me about needing to consume magical items like crack i read his mind with the mindflayer tadpole and found out it was cus he consumed some crazy ass Dark Magic or something, got a critical failure first, then just used some inspiration i had to get it right, and rolled high as shit LMAO

hit the rolls TWICE btw. read his mind once and then went deeper into his mind which had a 15 dc and got that too. hell yeah baby. also afterwards i was totally honest with him about reading his mind and he freaked the fuck out which fair i read your mind. i get it. but still

then i calmed him down by being like "hey man i had to know. youre dangerous" and passed the persuasion check :sunglasses: easiest game of my fucking life oh i talked to shadowheart abt her pains before that which was cool every conversation i have with her makes me like her more.

i met wyll. great guy. i went to camp to long rest and he dropped some INSANE fucking knowledge on me. like. i could live by this

so i switched gale out in my party with him LMAOOOOOOO and had a conversation with astarion about how hed kill me if i started turning. i asked what he would prefer personally and he said decapitation. which was CRAZY. so i was like yeah sure king decapitate me if i turn. do your thing. i trust your judgment

also talked to shadowheart bc i will seize every chance to learn more about her

then i left camp, talked to kagha while looking for a healer, got them to free a tiefling girl through more persuasion rolls (BECAUSE IM GOATED) and talked to the healer nettie who was fixing a Regular Bird

she told me how strange it is that we arent turning, to swear on my life id drink a poison if i saw any symptoms (which i of course agreed to, shadowheart approved and astarion did not) and stopped playing on the way to rescue halsin. fun times!

p.s. days doesnt necessarily mean im playing this daily but rather just what happens when i play per irl day... days just works as a way to categorize tbh

[astyrluna]

im boutta load up bg3 but first i gotta get some thoughts abt my tavs backstory out lmao

as you may know my tavs name is astyr and hes based on the oc thats my minecraft skin, so cuz of that i gave him the outlander background. but ofc the game offers you dialogue choices based on being baldurian and i have selected some of them SO im gonna say his parents were those off the grid, isolationist types. didnt trust other people, hated towns and cities. for the first few years of his life he was raised out in the wilds, only taught what was necessary for survival, hunting and fishing for food, building tools and shelter from scratch. but, he was always a curious kid, and even tho his parents forbade him from approaching other people, he would occasionally see travelers or adventuring parties down by the river he liked to fish at

astyr overheard a LOT of these people talking abt baldurs gate, which ofc piqued his curiosity, and eventually while tryna eavesdrop on an interesting conversation abt magic and sorcery vs. wizardry, he got spotted. now obviously this was a dirty, ratty little feral tiefling kid, so they assumed hed been abandoned and offered to bring him back to the city. and, well, these people were nice, and his parents were mean, and he wanted to know more abt the city but he could never find out how to get there, so he agreed

im thinkin that these adventurers ask his name, and he has no idea what a name even is, and these people are devastated. how long has this kid been out here??? and then he says his parents always called him "you" or "child" or "boy," are those names? and these adventurers are like "what the fuck??? kid are you okay???"

ANYWAY astyr is brought to baldurs gate and set up at an orphanage or smth (im not that far into the game idk if theres actually an orphanage or anythin actually in baldurs gate) and holy shit, this kid now has access to books. this kid learns fast, and as soon as he grasps the basics of reading hes basically teaching himself. its around this time he also discovers hes a sorcerer, and has a propensity for thunder/lightning magic, and starts teaching himself how to be a storm sorcerer! and also picks out a name for himself. he just thought it sounded nice

he eventually leaves the orphanage or wherever he was brought to and starts just livin out on the streets of baldurs gate, sneaking into school classrooms to learn whatever he can whenever he can and spending most of his time in libraries and whatnot, while slipping back out into the wilds to hunt for his own food and spending most nights sleeping in trees. hes just out here bein a forest cryptid and masquerading as a normal lower city kid, and by the time hes in his late teens its only partially acting. hes like a weird mix of feral wild-man and street-smart urchin, and is all the while honing his magic. and lemme tell ya hes a damn good sorcerer. hes not famous or well known, hell, basically only other ppl living on the streets know who he is, but he ended up being the go-to guy for magic stuff if you have no way to pay. just give him smth to eat or a potion or smth and hes down to do whatever

ALSO cuz hes a tiefling he obvs faced all the discrimination that tieflings face, so most of his social interaction was with other tieflings. hes pretty connected to tiefling customs, culture and history and takes pride in himself and his people

last thing, cuz he is p much a self insert, hes my age (24 almost 25) and this actually makes him one of, if not the youngest of the group? like, the only one i could see as being around that young as well would be shadowheart. maybe karlach too, depending on how young she was when she was sent to zariel, but i read her as being late 20s-early 30s anyway. so this rag tag group of adventurers on their way to save the world has inadvertently made the youngest member of their group the de facto leader. like ofc astyr is still a grown ass man but almost the entire rest of this group are in their mid-30s at the youngest, and yet this 25 year old is the one in charge while out adventuring. and while hes GOOD at it but he does still have his moments that remind the others that hes the youngest of them. idk i just find that whole dynamic interesting and kinda funny

...to get a bit angsty for a sec, one of these "he really is the youngest of us" moments was the reaction to kar'niss' pleading after astyr convinced him to walk into the shadows (based on my own negative reaction to that moment). that slightly smug smirk of satisfaction from outsmarting and avoiding a fight drops from his face in a second, ears lowering and tail freezing, and for the first time since the companions met him, astyr pales. he seems to snap out of his funk when the harpers speak to them again, and he goes onwards like everything is normal, but his tail still isnt moving. normally, it sways when he walks, flicks like a cats when hes content, idly wraps around the ankles of whoever hes standing closest to, but no, its just been dragging limply behind him ever since. and sometimes, in the silence and the darkness, he gulps, and shivers, and if theyre listening carefully, his breaths shake. and while he talked the toll keeper into killing herself with no problem, when the party was on the roof and spotted the drider and his caravan again, now shadow creatures, they all saw him freeze for a moment, but only astarion, who was stood in front of him to shoot the creatures all down from the edge of the rooftop, saw the shine of welling tears, the obvious signs of reliving that memory, in his eyes

[gidianthe]

jaz - first ever tav & finished the game with her. my cinnamon apple. oath of ancients paladin married to shadowheart

nav - wild magic barbarian i made for a multiplayer game with gwen that we havent gone back to in like a month. whoops. she and laezel are girl yaoing it up in heaven

sav - assassin rogue/gloomstalker durge who murder kills so good like is so fucking good at it but also hates the perverted joy they get whenever they spill blood so theyre hanging onto that "resist the urge" journal entry with their fingernails. romancing shaddy

dawn - selunite cleric / oath of devotion paladin. romancing shadowheart obviously. literally just a good boy and faerun's most princely handsome butch and thats her entire job and shes doing it great. she's ken

taz - frenzy barbarian literally been running on adrenaline nonstop since the nautiloid crashed she's just smashing her way through everything including that gith pu-*the sniper*

genuinely cannot remember her name rn and bg3 keeps crashing when i try to launch it again - fighter dark urge. going to be evil-leaning but more in an uncaring self preserving practicality way of siding with the more powerful in any situation. enjoying the violence sure but its more abount keeping herself alive so that she can find out what happened to her and tear apart the person who fucked her over. hence her helping minthara. thats definitely the only reason

ash - bhaal's prettiest princess is having the worst fucking time of her life. tiefling druid of spores so she's getting bullied from both sides in act 1. everywhere she goes its like i can hear her just saying "this sucks i hate this". shes already so sick and tired of this adventure but the thing keeping her going is sneaking glances at karlach outta the corner of her eye every 5 seconds

don - this guy is a remake of a previous durge guy that i made bc the previous durge guy i suddenly realized looked far too much like the american biblical jesus christ from the bible and i had to get rid of him. he's gonna romance astarion bc ive heard so much about durge/astarion that i gotta. oh and an oathbreaker paladin

sora - dark urge monk. honestly half my reason for this is my friend mentioned a dragonborn monk tav he has and i in my head was like fuck now i wanna do one. ive been wanting to start a monk playthrough for a while now anyway and now i have her :l laezel gets to kiss a red dragon now <3

ta'lia - draconic sorcerer gith cause fucking of course you gotta do one. idk where im even going with her other than kissing laezel

jinx - ex-angsty bard/fighter multiclass. based off a dnd oc i had 3 years ago but specifically my post-scene-era version of jinx. prolly gonna romance karlach cause god knows she loves a tough woman

jace - i dont have much to say abt this guy. he's starting as a sorcerer but he's gonna be my attempt at a jack of all trades character. might make him romance gale just for the sorcerer wizard dynamic and also theyre both disaster human guys

[name unknown] - this little fucker is a rogue bhaalist military asset and a danger to public safety. gortash hsd deployed reaper drones equipped with missiles to take her out. this pink tiefling bard has zero regard for human life and in fact takes extremely unnecessary pleasure in gutting ripping tearing bloody murder. she's so fucking nasty and evil in a silly way

im gonna get a screenshot of all my tavs and durges in one post

[adudelol-reblogs]

hello. here is an infodump ask. you can infodump about anything in its answer.

go. be free. be free to infodump adl

OH MY GOD THANK YOU OKAY OKAY I HAVE SO MUCH UHHH okay first ill talk about my recent project im doing, and it’s a suprise DND game for two of my irls with our characters!!!! ill be dming the game and im making the plot around our own character plot!!! WAWAWA JFDKLSFJ its taking so much out cause ive never dm’d before lmao but also the research is so fun??? like idk i have like two or three pages of notes already and now i have the base of a map done i just need to add like landmarks and just bbbbbbb okay okay uh . i can infodump about the actual characters i suppose! they’re called the “Royal Rebels”, or the RR for short. The four characters are named Ryan, Star, JC, and Mia! in the dnd compain here are theyre classes and races -Ryan: Paladin Tiefling -Star: Cleric Fairy -JC: Sorcerer Human -Mia: Rogue Changeling in their canon the reason they all have these certain powers and races, is cause ryan lives with his grandparents, who are a priest, hence the paladin class. in the canon, ryan is essentailly born with a demon possesson type deal, and so i choose a tiefling to give him that ‘demonic’ kinda look! star is the daughter of the mayor, and so i made her a cleric. the fairy idea i stole from one of the irls cause the picture i used was great (if i remember ill reblog this with some images?).  jc is a fire witch (there are multiple different types of witches in this universe, like time, fire, nature, necromancy, water, ect), and so i made her a sorcerer so she is natually able to just do magic ! and then human cause she just fit the bill and finally, mia. her bloodline was cursed so the women couldn’t have children and that they’re bodies can tear itself apart painfully. But! the women found a loophole to still have children, but the curse seemed to be genetic. thats why Mia is able to shapeshift! so! i made her a changeling in the dnd game! and i made her a rogue because she’s sneaky.

okay hmmm what else okay okay uhhhh i suppose i could talk about the man in my pfp, percy de rolo the 3rd! i love him so much he’s wawawa i dont actually have any thoughts on him its like the pondering the orb no think meme lmao he’s just rotating in my mind he’s from a show called the legend of vox machina, imo it’s very good BUT IT HAS A LOT OF TRIGGERING TOPICS like a lot. so if any of yall reading this wanna watch it be warned it gets very serious at times

okay okay ill talk about this a guess im currently attempting to like write my own original book! (you can find some of the chapters out already on @adudelolwriting cough couhg). It’s called Last Generation, and it’s essentally like a post apocolypic world where the main characters, Solace, Zoya, and Nieko all live together. I won’t get much inito the plot cause i dont wanna spoil it, but its gonna be found family >:]

speaking of orginal books, i can talk about my other one along with LG (Last Generation), I’m also writing another book called The Powers Within (TPW for short). This one has been in the works muuuuuch longer than LG (which I started this year, I think? I’ve been trying to write TPW for about five or six years now). I’ve never been quiiiite happy with how it turns out, buttt oh well lmao It’s a mystery story about a group of kids who live in a school. They’ve always lived there, since they have powers, or as the school calls them, ‘gifts’. Each student has different powers, and a certain group of kids come together once they figure out somethings up with the school principal...

and uhhhh yeah i think thats it ! i can’t think of anything else to talk about rn buuut oh well lmao. you can actually probably see some of the TPW characters in @adudelolocinfodump but im not sure which ones as i havent updated it in forever lmao fjkdsjk

[thelastpilot]

I’ve played all three races and there all fun! I recommend figuring out what kind of class/personality your going for and then pick the race from there. Makes it easier for me.

right! i think i know exactly how I want her to be, im pretty heavily basing her off of an old RP character I had for The Last Horizon crew. or the Next Horizon. It was an RP server I used to run, but I think she’s gonna be preeeetty similar. I think Tabaxi suits this idea a bit better, but there are some races im COMPLETELY unfamiliar with which will force me a bit outside the box. but also ive never gotten to play a full campaign so many i want to play inside my zone at least once? ooh ugh i think it comes down to design. I need a dope design for either a bird race (Aarakocra or Kenku) or Tabaxi, i think i’ve ruled out Tiefling 

hmmm im gonna post about this at least a few more times till i figure it out, I just need a dope ass design, i need a cool design for her but maybe i should do something other than the exact type of character i love the most. 

I’m the captain though so i do want to be charismatic. But i think Aarakocra is kinda cool cause then theres a ‘superiority’ thing towards the sky, like an ownership of the sky. So it would be a more noble character archetype then i typically play. But i also dont wanna be a dickhead, but dont want to be a pushover. 

But I like the idea of a tabaxi captain kind of a lot. I just want her to be interesting you know, but versatile enough to lend support to other players. I had said i wanted to be captain super early on as a dibs, not thinking i would actually be the leader of the group, but as the DM for the main campaign we are currently playing i think it was natural for them to be like “Yeah you can be in charge” 

its also a thing like we are starting this other campaign so i can have a break and we can interlock the two campaigns, so i think they were game to give me a bigger part since in usually DMing. 

GAH i got to try and decide tonight so the new DM can plan with these characters. GAH

[foegold]

people be wanting to know about a lil blue bastard. this ones long as hell so its under the cut jsdhfg

Your character wasn’t an adventurer, what livelihood would they lead?

farmer! he’d just keep living the way he’d been living. it’s the sort of life he imagines he’ll return to one day, after he’s seen and done enough. ‘enough’ is a really arbitrary end goal though

Who in the party would your character trust the most with their life?

who in the party wouldn’t he trust with his life tbh. in the most literal sense he’d trust Eli with it just because he knows Eli can bring him back from dying in some stupid and ill-advised way

What are your character’s core moral beliefs?

frogs are good, try to be nice to people but if they’re mean to you first then at least a few bets are off, the rich should probably be eaten. killing is sometimes necessary but maybe try some other stuff first

What relationship does your character have with their parents and siblings?

he doesn’t have any siblings, and his relationship with his mom and recently present dad is. a little weird, and not all the way comfortable, and not like really bad, but just confusing? it’s confusing. at least he’s had more transparency from his mom recently than just about any other time. it’s a start

Does your character have any biases for or against certain races?

he trusts other tieflings a little quicker than other races but its not really saying much because he’s not smart and if you’re good at talking and sound like you know what you’re talking about he’ll just believe you. he doesn’t have the good sense to second think it without prompting

What is your character’s opinion on nobility? On authority?

so far just about every interaction with nobility has been messy or bad or scary or all three so right now the opinion is “not great”. also thats just too much money. whaddahell would you do with that much money.  he’s generally uneasy with authority figures at best, and flat out paralyzed by them at worst. he’s easy to bully when he doesn’t have anyone backing him up and he knows and hates it

Describe your character’s current appearance: clothes, armor, scars they’ve picked up along the journey, etc.

he cycles through an assortment of sweaters but the one he wears the most is the heart sweater he got in Wunjo that’s been altered a few times in the last few months. he do keep collecting those scars tho, before starting adventuring he had a handful of minor scars just from working around the farm with the animals and the equipment and from romping around in the country. now he’s got all sorts, but the most prominent ones are: the thin scar on the left side of his face, starting just below the eyebrow and curving gently below his eye (the last time Leo would leave a mark on him); the twisted angry scars across his torso from being mauled by a giant undead horse(?); and the fluid, patterned necromancy scars slowly spreading across his back, creeping along inch by inch

What location encountered in the campaign has your character felt the most “at home” in, or just generally liked the most?

besides his own house, Roman’s house has been the nicest! its warm and theres soup and friends there. there was a run down little ranch house somewhere at some point, but he’s not so sure anymore that he didn’t just dream about fixing the place up with his best friend

What deity, if any, does your character worship? What’s their opinion on other people’s worship?

he doesn’t have a god he actively worships, but he’s peripherally aware of the god in the mountains that’s responsible for some of the most brutal storms in the region. he doesn’t care much about religion but hes got the same amount of concern most people would have about evil deities and what their followers do

If your character had time to pick up any artisan’s tools, game set, instrument, etc., what would it be?

probably woodworking! its handy, it’s useful for living out in the country where you have to either make the tools or furniture or fun items to put on a shelf you want, or go out of your way and also spend money to get them. maybe an actual alchemy set and/or poison kit but 1) playing with poison just a fun hobby for him and Xan to get into when they have the time and the plants for it, and 2) man he wouldnt follow the instruction manual anyway so whats the point

What aspect of your character’s future are they most curious about? (If they could know one thing about the future, what would it be?)

will his friends be okay? will he be okay? is there an FAQ for tieflings learning that they’re much closer to fiend lineage than they originally thought? that would be convenient and helpful. is john gonna figure out more about the little men named ‘adam’ that’re allegedly everywhere?  if he could know one thing about the future, he’d like to know if everything will end out okay. if things will turn out as nice as he’d like them to.

What colors are associated with your character?

looks at the camera like im on the office

blue, white, and black are the big ones but im trying to pepper in a few other colors. reds and yellows are a close second

Who in the party would your character prioritize rescuing, in dire circumstances?

everyone sits squarely in the #1 spot on the rescue list

that aside john and roman are extremely high priority, they’re not the sturdiest and if something looked at them too hard they might keel over. baster and xan come next, he knows baster’s a shit brick house but he keeps seeing bad things happen to her and really hes just had Enough of it. eli’s a little lower priority because they can heal themselves if they’re in a tight spot, and then blu considers himself least concern. he knows he can get thrashed around some and still survive, he’d rather take a beating and know he’ll walk out of it than let someone else take it and wind up dead

Is your character the most swayed by ethos, pathos, or logos?

pathos, it’s easy to make him feel for u. legit any of them work though as long as you talk it up good enough he’ll believe you and if there aren’t any glaring conflicts between what you’re selling him and his base morals then it’s relatively easy to get him on board

If your character was granted a single use of Wish, what would they use it for?

idk probably something really simple that he put all of .5 of a second of thought into. hes not smart and doesnt have good foresight so he’d probably ask for a frog or smth unless there was something very much more pressing and present

What is your character’s favorite spell? If they don’t use spells: what is their favorite personal weapon/combat maneuver/skill/etc.?

favorite(?) spell is life transference. it hurts a bit but it keeps his friends safe so it’s worth it. invisibility is up there too, its fun and easy to steal from stores when ur not visible

How does your character feel about keeping secrets from the rest of the party?

he doesn’t like lying and also lies really poorly. he’s usually just honest from the get-go, its easier and feels better. if he has to lie its through omission, bold faced lies really just dont work

What type of creature in the world is your character the most intrigued by?

all sorts....bro the world is full of animals and lots of them like to be pet

When they were a child, what did your character want to be, or think they were going to be, when they grew up?

he thought he’d grow up and be a farmer like his mom, the adventuring thing was extremely unplanned and impromptu. he hoped he could be a kind and brave person though, the way Canna described his dad.

The player character to your left admits that they’re passionately in love with your character. How would your character respond?

random roll says it’s Roman, he’d probably laugh because the only reason that would happen is because the party is fooling around with potions again. Roman’s very married and very in love with his husband and makes sure everyone knows it all the time

If somebody (an NPC, someone from their backstory, etc.) your character trusts/loves asked your character to do something against the party’s best interest, who would they side with?

that doesn’t seem like a very viable circumstance, the only npc thats important enough that he’d listen to for something like that is his mom and she actively encourages him to take care of himself and his friends, and lets him make his own decisions about what he’s doing with his life, so

What unusual talents does your character possess?

idk if its all that unusual of a talent but he got really good at stealing and pickpocketing and he can do a sick flip. also does some black magic sometimes

What does your character’s name represent to them? (Or: why as a player did you choose your character’s name?)

it’s his name, u kno. bluebell is his middle name, but Canna called him bluebell growing up and he latched onto it a lot more than arden, and he thinks its a nice name, and a nice flower, and it sure would be nice if people would stop laughing when he introduces himself as “Blu”,

(blu was originally a stand-in name until i named him something else but it really grew on me and it fit him so! it didnt change, he just got other names too)

What major arcana tarot card best represents your character?

The Moon. 👀

What is your character’s relationship with magic? Are they scared of it, wish to know more about it, indifferent to it?

he’s def scared of magic sometimes, especially his own. he also really wants to understand it better though, and be less scared, or at least control it better. imo it’s a healthy fear, theres been lots of magic mishaps 

How did your character learn the languages that they speak?

he learned common and infernal from mom! and he’s learning draconic from xan. it’s a nice downtime activity, sit down with ur best friend and homie and learn a new language just for fun

[xanthicantag]

alright bro im gonna do all the ask so. U Know You're Doin Em Too

Hot read more since there’s so maaaaaany

1. if you were to have Hanahaki disease, what flowers would you cough up?

I feel like this is entirely based on who i’m feeling the one sided love for? (I googled  Hanahaki disease and i’m all about that shit no doubt there)  But like, maybe daffodils? 

2. if someone were to catch Hanahaki disease for you, what flowers would they cough up?

Uh Roses motherfucker, you’re welcome

3. if you were any historic trope, what would you be? (i.e., the knight, the town baker, the witch of the forest, etd.)

Ok so like on the one hand I love lances, so fucking much, so I’m like big into Knights for that and like protecting people (and/or a beautiful prince cause like, you know), but I also really love the idea of just being like, a traveling fighter of some kind, leading a troupe of loveable idiots or being in a troupe as a loveable idiot.  I want to be Iron Bull is what I’m trying to say I guess????? or like, Krem? who knows

4. tell us about your ideal battle outfit.

Ok so I’m torn again.  Cause protection and ease of movement are super important, so like a breastplate and some kind of back protection, maybe a shield?  or maybe a sick gauntlet arm like Ike from Fire Emblem cause he knows what’s up, and then some minor leg armor to keep the front of my thighs and calves safe and like a shield since those fuck am I right??  On the other hand: If you look like a Thot, the enemy is distracted and an easy target.  I’m talking chainmail crop top, plate armor booty shorts, stupid looking heel shoes(?) for maximum thot energy, and of course a whip, either that i use or just have for the thot energy.

5. what would you be a god/goddess of and what would people sacrifice to you?

I think like, a minor deity that helps people make small to mediumish choices (i.e. talk the left or right path, call or don’t call this person), and then like, a cute little charm that people just kinda crush or burn before asking about the choice feels good, feels organic.

6. name five iconic quotes that make you feel things.

Now, I don’t know a lot of quote to be honest, but here’s some paraphrased stuff:

“Now that larping exists dnd is like, not the least cool thing to do”- Travis McElroy

“Yeah I have a pickle allergy, what about it *Pickle eating sounds*” -Me, often

“I fucked your dad” -Me during a quiplash game?  And often yeah I’ll admit this

I don’t remember what’s said, but the scene in the Count of Monte Cristo where he just shows off all his sick skills to be like “Yeah I’ll murder the fuck out of your homeboy if he tries to step up to me”.

“All Magicians are inherently inclined to kill” -That unraveled about Megaman robots who get sentience

7. scythe, battle axe, broad sword, spear or trident?

Ok so like, Scythe for formal occasions/when I want to just look good cause I think their a sexy as hell weapon, at me if you want to be I know I’m right.  Battle Axes are cool and like, really useful during a siege since you can easily bust stuff down with it and it lets you cut spears in half so you look dope as hell, like, Hector of Ostia if you’re out there, yes you’re correct.   Broad Swords are like, just in general really good, you can use it in a duel, a battle, a coronation, magic rituals if you’re really feeling fancy, the list is just endless, a real classic all purpose weapon.  Spears are for fucking losers, fuck you if you use a spear sword fight me like a fucking real fighter or get out of here none of this reach bullshit.  Tridents are like spears but just, inherently sexier?  You know?  Like 1 point is stupid and boring, but 3?  that’s some good shit.  But really fuck all these weapons whips are lances are where it’s at yes feel free to at me again.

8. what combination of natural scents would you use as perfume?

Now this i have like, actually no idea for, but like, just tons of flowers.  I just take like a fistful of flowers and rub them on my face.  

9. ancient scrolls or leather-bound books?

Oh you know I’m about that leather-bound book life!  Fuck A scroll, that is just a piece of paper that is going to tear and be illegible in like 5 years.  A nice bound book though?  *Chefs kiss*

10. describe yourself as if you were a storm.

A summer rain.  It comes in quickly and is gone by the turn of the hour.  A brief respite during the dry season, and gone before it can become a disaster. 

11. what type of flower (other than a rose) would you offer someone you were trying to court?

First of all op, get the fuck off my back Roses or nothing.  Secondly a big sunflower.

12. honey in milk or cinnamon in tea?

Um, neither??????????????????

13. cabin in the woods, apartment in the city or mansion in the suburbs?

Honestly an apartment in the city would be nice but like, living in the woods is the prime chance to be a local mystery.

14. curtains of beads or lace?

Probably lace?  Do beads block light?

15. vocal or instrumental music?

I am a big fan of instrumental

16. describe your ideal fantasy outfit

Step one, big cape, it doesn’t touch the ground while on my shoulders but goes about mid calf.  Step two, leather armor, it’s light and easy to move in, and provides good protection.  Step three, Mask, nothing like flashy, just a plain black mask, preferably a full mask if i’ve got some magic to see with not my eyes, other wise like a typical masquerade mask

17. of all the fantasy races to ever exist, which one would you be?

Fuck.  This is so hard.  I want to be, so many.  No you know what, fuck it.  I wanna be a Dragonborn Tiefling hybrid, I’m talking cool horns, I’m talking sweet tail, you already know I can spit literal fire out of my face.  Fucking try and get at me I dare you.

18. hard candy, fruit preserves or spice cake?

I love hard candy to just suck on, but my teeth do not.

19. show us an a picture of your ideal crown.

if you don’t think this crown fucks, get out of my face

20. tying your hair up using ribbon, yay or nay?

I’ve had my hair long enough for that like once, and I don’t really like tying my hair up tbh

21. an evening in the forest with elves, a night in the caves with vampires or a morning in the garden with fae?

Um.  Bold of you to say I’m not hitting up all these parties???  Like def vampires first since the elven party is advertised to go for like 5 hours, but we all know it goes on for like 4 months and I can’t party that long as a mortal you know.  And like you hit the fae up last since you literally are gonna be stuck there the rest of your life after one (1) round of truth or dare

22. tell us, in detail, about a curse a witch would put on you.

Like, in all honesty the biggest thing a witch could do to me via curse would just be to make my right arm like full unusable.  Not gone or broken.  Just like, it’s slow, I can’t always get it to fully hold onto something so it drops everything, there’s always a small feeling of discomfort, not pain just a minor annoyance, in the knuckles of the hand.

23. talking with sylphs or singing with nymphs?

I get kicked out of the nymph singing area after four seconds of

24. mint, rosemary, basil or sage?

I fucking go wild for the smell of basil don’t even try me

25. favorite childhood story? (doesn’t have to be a fairy tale)

I remembered Inkheart recently and like, I honestly really liked that book

26. tell us about an experience you’ve had that seemed unreal or supernatural. (doesn’t have to be scary)

Sophomore year of college, I realized that all the people around me were people I actually enjoyed spending time with, and it just felt so weird to be there after all the just nonsense that had happened up till then

27. would you rather have poison or healing ointment in your traveling pack?

healing duh?  You think I’d ever remember i have the poison one? nope not me!

28. tell us three sayings that you live by.

Try and be a little nicer, unless they really don’t deserve it.  Walk away sometimes.  Eat food and don’t think about it.

29. vials or mason jars?

Oh get me those vials baby!

30. describe your ideal masquerade ball outfit (mask included).

OH HELL YES.  Get me that suit, it’s a sweet dark red with rose colored vest underneath, the jacket and pants have flower vines on them that 100% connect to a big ass rose on the back of the jacket.  The mask is more or less this guy:

31. splashing around in a river with mermaids or flying through the sky with harpies?

I can literally swim any day so let’s fly

32. what would you end up in the dungeon for?

Ok i didn’t understand this one at first so I’m keeping my initial reply below and the real one is: You know I beat some like high ranking knight or minor noble in a duel to humiliate them and no i didn’t think it through so here i am lol.

3 things: A talking magic weapon (Probably a sword but i’m down for other options).  A certain someone is going in and I’m not letting him go in without someone to keep him safe.  There’s dragon eggs that work like the Eragon dragon eggs and I am already waist deep in dead enemies getting one of those babies.

33. if you were a fairy, what color would your wings be?

Take a wild fucking guess

34. if you could have any magical item, what would it be?

God this is so hard, but I think a magic flower that when you pluck one if its petals you can undo a recent event, up to like ten minutes or so.

35. what song would the bards sing about you when you passed by?

I’ll say the Death of Me by Meg Myers

36. would you rather be a pirate or a king/queen?

God that’s hard,  Like yeah pirates are cool but i’d love to be royalty and just get to do good shit for the people and also not have scurvy.

37. would you spend more time in the field of flowers, the tavern, the docks or the marketplace?

Hmmm, I think the Tavern as like the number 1, and then a tie for docks and field, and the marketplace in last since i hate crowded areas i need to buy things in

38. would you have a painting of yourself?

Only if I ever ride a dragon and then have a painting to immortalize the moment, and only if the dragon helps me paint it

39. what skill are you famous for?

I mean, people know I sword fight, fight fight, and program, so like, those?  and I guess my sick dnd skills

40. if you could live any fairy tale, which one would you?

Fuck if I can think of one!

41. stained glass windows or fairy lights?

Ok Stained glass windows literally slap so like, you already know

[selenelavellan]

So I know that in the dnd themed aus Des was a sorceror/wizard/magic based tiefling but tbh I always pictured him as more of a bard. It's the "seduces/flirts with everything" aspect that does that, bc every bard I've EVER played with has had that sort of attitude. He's never really written as musically inclined, so I can see why you'd choose a different class. I was wondering tho which classes do you think all of your characters would be?

Yeah, usually I see Des as a Wild Magic Sorceror because of what that entails. (That the magic is his own and quite frankly he’s ready and willing to just Let It Loose). I can definitely see where he could be viewed as a bard because they’ve been sort of labeled the ‘seduce first ask questions later’ class, but that’s not actually the only type of character that can do that. Also, Des would be appalled at being stuck in a support class. People should be coordinating around him, not the other way around.

Selene is a wizard with a couple low levels in cleric, probably.

Darevas is a Paladin, super duper paladin of Goodness with maybe some fighter for extra strength.

Felasel is a rogue, with a few levels of wizard, mostly buff spells.

Carina would be an alchemist (is alchemist still a thing in 5th ed? They made for some really nasty OP characters with psions in 4th)

Melanadahl could be a bard. He doesn’t mind the support role, and he’d be fine keeping with the silver tongue style specialties.

Florence is Definitely100% a backstab rogue of death.

I feel like I definitely have more characters than this but I’m blanking right now.

As a side note, back on the bard thing because I’ve also seen a lot of ‘im gonna fuck the npc’ bards, there are ways to do other things with the class. I once knew a warforged bard/cleric who never flirted with anything, and I had a bard once who was at one point nicknamed The Cockblock because she would purposely break up and disrupt other flirtations (partially because I was bitter that our game sessions had turned into mostly watching our mostly-male group try and decide between each other How Best To Flirt With Women and it was painful and I wasn’t gonna do it anymore) by playing songs LOUDLY and INAPPROPRIATELY. Most notably she almost got recruited by the villain by virtue of ‘please i will pay you to keep that fucking barbarian from whipping out his dick every time we have a confrontation’ and my character seriously considered it because lets be honest who wants to travel with someone like that

[niennavalier]

So, because I think about D&D in my spare time (when im not writing, even though im supposed to do homework but we all know how that is), I’ve realized all the character concepts I come up with are either cool aesthetically/really well thought out, or complete and total jokes

For example, my current list of things I wanna play (despite being the forever DM):

Fierna Tiefling, Homebrewed Phoenix Sorcerer - messed up backstory of being raised into a society that worships demons, and essentially being brought up in a cult, despite not wanting to be a part of it. The manifestation of his powers allow him to escape, and he’s trying to figure out why this all happened, but mostly rejoicing in newfound freedoms. (also this is the one where I force myself to play flirty pansexual tiefling. which is one of the hardest things to do i swear)

Air Genasi, Glamour Bard - tbh, not as intense of a backstory, cause I wanted someone to have a good life pre-game, so I won’t go into it too much. A little flirty, but mostly just very non-confrontational and willing to appease all sides. A really cool design that I wish I could draw but I liked the aesthetic, that’s really the main point here, I like making pretty D&D boys. And this character actually ended up being the basis for a different OC I made, whom I’m currently writing a bigger story for. Won’t get into that here though

Tiefling, Dunamancy Wizard - actually an NPC from the campaign I’m DM’ing. He’s the interim mayor for the city my players are in - very bookish and skittish and prone to panic, but yknow, he’s trying his best. Depending on how the campaign goes, if I play him, I might set this post-all of my stuff I’m DM’ing. Choosing dunamancy cause it actually does fit the best of all the wizard schools? But that probably depends a bit on when this all gets officially released. So I’m basing it on what I’ve learned from Critical Role, and it sounds really cool. (like...unrelated, but personally, I’d be a wizard if I could choose, and specifically either dunamancy or transmutation. Just sayin. to quote: what’s sexier than wizards? NOTHING) (side note, but I’ve actually screenshotted this tweet just so I can forever use it as a reaction image)

Also I really wanna play a drow. That’s not a character, but I really do, for the Aesthetic. Like...drow is in the PHB, I’ve known about it since I first started playing this game, and I’ve loved the look, comparing it between a bunch of the other races, but I’ve just never played it. Vaerys (my Inquisitive Rogue NPC) is half-drow, but I do actually wanna go all in on this one. Despite Sunlight Sensitivity being a thing...idk, that’s why I haven’t actually done it, cause mechanistically it’s a pain, but still (also maybe I’m watching Critical Role and Essek needs a hug)

And now the joke characters:

Scout Rogue: this isn’t a joke so much as the fact I don’t really go for nature based campaigns (as a DM, everything I do is basically city based, it’s just easier for me). So I’m gonna continue to play one of my favorite classes, but with all the upsides of playing a Ranger, if anyone ever sticks me in a nature campaign. I will work around your intentions and do as I please

Kenku, Way of the Drunken Master Monk: look, I just wanna roleplay this. I wanna pretend to constantly be drunk, and Kenku can only speak via mimicry. This sounds fucking hilarious

A Druid, but with the least amount of Druid flavor possible: again, I’m not a fan of nature settings, and...complete honesty here? I don’t really like the Druid flavor, because I generally don’t go for high-Wis classes. I wanna play an idiot. I don’t wanna sound wise about nature. So like, a city-dwelling asshole of a Druid who just wants to mess with everything, because this is how you get me to play classes I don’t particularly like. (even though high level Druids are mechanically great, I don’t care. I play for character and flavor. I only do some optimization)

[yeahwesaidthat]

TWWS: Info Dump

Yes, I know, it’s been ages, hence the quote dump. Also, some new stuff/updates:

I was flipping through my old D&D stuff and it turns out one of my favourite quotes is incorrect (I’d suspected as much for some time). So that’s been fixed in this one.

The next update is going to be a “best of D&D.” I want to try and set up a voting system so people can vote for their favourites and then narrow them all down to The Ultimate Quote. 

Certain quotes have links on them for reference. Hopefully they show up well enough.

Some lines in quotes are reactions/facial expressions. Fun with emoticons!

TWWS now has awards! See below:

TWWS MVP AWARD:

This entry’s MVP award goes to MR for his constant D&D witticisms! Congratulations, M!

Each entry will feature a new MVP. The choosing is based on quote quality and/or frequency. In M’s case, it’s both. People can be MVPs more than once, but not two entries in a row.

Anyway, on with the show!

Overheard at Random

Book recommendation: KCB: "Mafia elves." KH: "...SOLD!"

Deciding what to get for dinner: SB: "Why would you want a whole pizza?" KH: "Why wouldn’t I want a whole pizza?" E: "I have to agree with her logic."

About a few rounds of Magic: SB: "I won!" E: "Revisionist history - you lost the first game." KC and KH: "Alternative facts."

A Slack conversation about the time of day: A: "You started drinking already?" S: "Who says I stopped?"

About pork rolls: SW: "That stuff that makes [state] bearable to live in."

Ordering lunch: American AP: "If you double-down on pork, no one will judge you." KH: "Says the Jewish man." American AP: "Think of it as eating my portion."

Overheard at Work

KH: "Where is your Christmas cheer?" S: "Right next to my menorah."

Cash Register Gift Bag Listing: "Xmas Menorah"

About covering injuries: L: "Do you want a finger condom?" KH: (doubles over laughing) L: "This is a serious fucking question, KH, do you want one or not?"

Leaving work: S: "I parked in Fucking Yonderville." Coworker: "How's the real estate there? Is it a good school district?" S: "No."

Unearthed Arcana: Overheard During 4e D&D

QUOTE CORRECTION: Making sure it's really dead: SB: "You kick the head and it goes sailing through the open door of the tomb. You hear a voice in the darkness go ’Gooooooooal!’”

Player: "There's no 'I' in 'team' but there's a 'we' in 'weapon.'"

Location, location, location: Player: "We're not in Shadowfell, we're in 'rainbow-and-happy-things-fell.' We're in Candyland."

Tavern woes: (Player or DM?): "When I say 'microbrew' I mean I charge you double and give you less beer."

Pluralisation issues: Probably KH: "Wouldn't it be orifi [instead of orifices]?"

Going overboard with the somatic component: (Player or DM?): "The Arcane Macarena."

Almost certainly about a holy sword: (Player or DM?): "She's swinging around a flashlight for Jesus."

No idea what it's from, but I think I'll use it as a slogan: Player: "I am the terror that quacks in the night."

Fourth Ed Goodberry equivalent...I hope: (Player or DM?): "You're up, you're alive, somebody shoved nuts in your mouth..."

Probably dealing with a were-rat: Almost certainly RJ: "Regener-rat!"

So I had this drake mount named Pork Chop...: Probably SB: "That's Pork Chop class damage." Almost certainly RJ: "Pork 'im!"

Overheard During D&D

ST: "Is the door with the spiders behind it unlocked?" KH: "Don’t."

After a familiar was poofed: AD: "I miss [familiar]." CD: "It's been two minutes." AD: "Whatever. I can miss who I want."

Beautiful references (read in Rorschach's voice): AA: "I'm not grappled with you," ST, AA, and KH: "You’re grappled with me!"

About remaining spells: KH: "I have three 1st-level slots and one 2nd-level slot." CD: "Those are 'keeping people alive' slots."

We went a little overboard on this guy: CD: "Are there any potions on Mr. Headless and Heartless?" AD: "That sounds like an emo band."

To the resident carnivorous warrior: ST: "I'm telling you, that heart is full of black evil. Don't eat it."

About being stranded: CD: "She left us on an island like Johnny Depp in the first Pirates movie." ST: "And we didn't have turtles or rum."

High-rollers: CD: "Twenty-four. Critty-four."

Trying to get up a ladderless shaft (can you dig it?): JB: "We could throw her up." ST: "We'd have to swallow her first."

Desperate tactics: KH: "Can a t-rex punch through a wall?"

About a couatl: AD: "I will draw it like one of my French girls."

About a guard boss encounter: CD: "So undead Mr. Cyclops was sitting here twiddling his undead thumbs?"

About doors marked with runes: AD: "'Cause if they say 'do not open'..." KH: "Then we're totally gonna open them." AD: "Well, you guys are going to open them..."

NPC interrogation: CD (IC): "So you are a powerful druid." JI (IC): "I am a moderately powerful druid."

About the location of a magic tattoo: AD: "Are you like a Care Bear but out of your butt?"

About canopic jars in the cyclops mummy's sanctum: ST: "Here's another jar of mummified nope."

About a loudly roaring creature: JI: "And he asks you to roll initiative as politely as he can."

About our situation: MR: "We made a very poor combat choice." RD: "What do you mean 'we'?" MR: "I made a bad combat choice." KC: "What is this 'we,' Pocahontas?"

The pervy paladin strikes again: SW (IC): "What took you so long?" A (IC): "I had something to take care of." (winks) SW (IC): "You know what? I'm sorry I asked."

Better without context: MGW: "When you're that big, you can explode as much as you want."

Adventures with the Polymorph spell: AS: "What's the AC [armor class] of a puppy?"

Horrific and chaotic evil regarding aforementioned puppy (which, to be fair, was originally a fire giant): AS (IC): "Don't worry, we can find a bag of holding and a river." MR (IC): "...There is a line, [character]." (gestures one way) "There is the line," (gestures way past it) "there is you."

Be careful who's listening: KH: "She's the pervy character; she scares everybody." (notices preteen with shocked expression) "You didn't hear any of that."

About the pervy paladin having a "moral" conversation: KH: "She's 'good cop'ping him instead of copping a feel?" SW: "She's good copping him instead of getting a good cop. There you go."

Continued fun with Polymorph: MR: "It's like discus, but with a puppy. Please don't put that on That's What We Said." KH: "Too late."

Storm King's Thunder: A Summary: MR: "This is Game of Thrones on a giant scale." Entire Table: (grooooooan)

Dealing with extra-limbed gorillas: ST: "Uh-oh! They must have been forewarned!" AD: "What makes you say that?" ST: "Forewarned is four-armed." AD: -_-

Negotiation skills: AD: "It's just me trying to bullshit him." JI: "Why don't you make a bullshit check?"

Difficult terrain: JI: "You get disadvantage from monkeys throwing poo at you."

Improvised weaponry: AD: "Ten whacking damage."

Trying to figure out if the staff is necromantic: CD: "We could kill a mouse in front of the staff. We could kill a mouse with the staff. How much is it to buy a mouse?"

When ideas are crazier than normal (which is already pretty crazy): AD: "What is wrong with you? I'm not even sure I mean [your character]."

SW: "Ok, I have a list of 'don't ask any questions.'"

Planning for the next campaign: MR: "Should I play a guy who puts the 'romance' back in 'necromancy'..."

About handing over a weapon: JB (IC): "I don't give my bone to anyone."

JB: "Anyone die while I was gone?" SW: "Not on the outside."

Tactical thinking: MR: "We may need to light his mansion on fire to cover our tracks."

Wizarding limits: JS: "You may not polymorph your zombies into t-rexes."

KH: "And the moral of the story is don't screw with powers you don't understand." BC: "Shh. Don't ever tell that to a wizard."

J: "Crown of Madness will help, right?" BC: "I don't think that's needed with this group."

JS: "You find several humanoids with missing brains." JS2: (nervous noise) BC: "Don't worry; they're not a threat to you."

Cannon fodder: KH: "You outfitted your zombies with red shirts, right?" BC: "They were born with red shirts."

BC: "Everything is a toy if you try hard enough." KH: "...I heard that wrong." BC: "No, you got it."

About the distance of a planar pilgrimage: CD: "That would be like walking to Europe." J: "If Europe was also on Mars."

Subtle Star Wars mid-inanity: KH: "I don't wanna fly; I wanna stealth." J: "Stealth fly." JS: "You can't stealth fly!" KH: "How do you stealth fly?" JI: "Fly casual."

Zombies aren't too smart: BC (IC): "Bobs, attack the closest gnoll!" Bobs: (run at gnoll party member) KH (OOC): "Et tu, Bob?" JS (OOC): "If this doesn't belong in your blog, I dunno what does."

Far too relatable: JS: "Twenty psychic damage." BC: "I've taken more psychic damage from my mother."

Asking planar creatures for advice: BC (IC): "Is the [creature] going to kill all of us if we investigate it?" JI (OOC): "He's the GM - of course it's going to say yes."

When the tiefling (part-demon) hears Celestial: KH (IC): "Does anyone speak the twinkly bell language?"

Worst-laid plans: KH (IC): "I have a very bad feeling about this." MR (IC): "You should."

Acronym fun with a magic item: JB: "AT&T: Advanced Telecommunications and Teleporting."

Obligatory quote/joke/meme for the elf ranger: KH: "Legolas, what do your elf eyes see?" JB: "I see people shipping me with Gimli."

Questionable on-deck combat tactics: MR: "Are you gonna keel-haul him manually?"

The proper response to the enemy when landing in said enemy's ambush: MR (IC): "You'll die for our insolence!"

Alignment debate: MR: "He wasn't evil; he was just a dick."

Verbally dueling with a sea god: MR: "I basically just told Cthulu to shut up and go home."

When one fails to specify: AS: "She's got a really low [armor class] 'cause she's fat and slow." A: o.O? AS: "No, not you."

Our go-to combat tactic: MR: "Are we going to stupid the guy to death?"

Zing!: MGW (IC): "If you join me, I can make you the greatest dwarf who ever lived." L (IC): "I am the greatest dwarf who ever lived." Whole Table (OOC): "Ooooohhhhh!!!"

Another verbal duel with a sea god/character class limitations: KH: "I would say 'what is a god to a nonbeliever,' but I'm a cleric."

In a room of tempting levers and switches and shit: JI (IC): "Don't touch nothing." BC (IC): "Don't get between me and my touching."

Activating the mysterious device: BC (IC): "We did it! I wonder what we did?"

Creative swearing: JS (IC): "By Baphomet's giant bull cock!"

Alternative to "cheese" during a picture take: JS: "Everyone say 'Jesus Christ, thank God I'm alive!'" We all said it with big picture smiles.

Ultimate cringe: KH: "My mom doesn't have a nerd bone in her body." MR: "She met your dad..."

Business as usual: KH: "This seems like a bad idea, but go ahead."

Bone club + bags of loot = asking for trouble: JB: "I hang the sacks off my bone."

The loot bags again: JB: "I thought I saw it fly out of my sack." MR: "You should have a healer look at that."

Overheard During A Crazy-Ass Night of D&D

Obligatory bone club jokes start now: SW (IC): "Cover your eyes! He's whipping out his sword!" JB (IC): "It's nothing compared to my bone!"

Again with the damn club: RD: "Do you want to bone it, my friend?" JB: "I want to bone it."

JB: "The bone jokes aren't as humerus anymore." KH: (cringes, reaches for notebook)

Old adages: MR: "No plan survives contact with the enemy." (IC) "But then, no enemy has survived contact with us!" (OOC) "Was that quote-worthy?" KH: "Yes."

About DR's long-ago description of the Spirit Guardians spell: MR: "Don't use your holy fuck-off field just yet." KH: "...Did you steal that from the blog?"

Ready check: MR: "Ready? ...Ready?" KH: (Mel Brooks movie quote voice) "WAIT FOR IT!"

KC: "She can ride me. I don't care." KH: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) KC: "...I'M A BEAR IN ARMOR."

SW: "Aim for the throat!" JB: "Don't tempt me."

The previous quote foretold this: JB: "He's gonna feel my bone down his throat."

About height differences: KH: "Are you gonna bone him in the groin?"

About collecting giant heads for bounties: SW: "They pay the bills." AS: "Kills to pay the bills."

Misusing a letter-changing magic item: SW: "Can you use the Book of Wit to make him cast Mild Magic?"

Advantageous druidic inanity: KC: "Are you still riding the flying bear?" MR: "It's flying now?" KC: "Yeah, he flew up to unlock the door." AS: "...So he's a flying bear with armor..."

About aforementioned druid: AS: "Here, I'll ride you now."

That damned club yet again: AS: "He can smash the Vonindod!" SW: "More like the Bone-indod."

I give up: JB: "...And I wanna bone the hell out of it."

About a high strength score: KC: "Is your athletics 'yes'?" JB: "My athletics is 'yes'!"

Spell modifications for humourous purposes: MR: "Using a Dex[terity] save for Zone of Truth means they're literally dodging the question."

Tactics 101: Use Your Surroundings: SW: "Why properly kill giants when we can have their own castle do it?"

Magical battle broadcast: SW: "Should we set up the planar TVs, guys?"

About the god of storms approving the storm cleric's actions: JB: "He's like, 'yes, I approve. Thunderous applause!'"

About the war cleric and flying bear: JB: "If they're riding each other in the air, are they part of the mile high club?"

As is per usual: MR: "We may have once again survived this by the skin of bullshit."

The only proper reaction when large objects swing: in this case, a gargantuan golem head: KH: "I came in like a Voooooonindooooooood!"

About 5e drow society: MR: "It's now more of an egalitarian dickbaggery."

When web-casting spiders give gifts: KC: "See? I even gift-wrapped him for you."