#also yes i played that with paula

[alakeeffectgirl]

do we need a cruisequarries primer? yes

Welcome to the old men and their wife fandom, these are the old men (pictured here on the press tour for Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning, Part One [a title I never want to type out fully again])

Yes, that's Tom Cruise. The guy in the John Hammond Jurassic Park cosplay is Chris McQuarrie, aka McQ, who directed MI:DR and also directed the previous two MI movies and Jack Reacher. You might also know Chris McQuarrie as the guy who won an Oscar for writing The Usual Suspects and got nominated for another two Oscars writing/producing Top Gun: Maverick.

McQ willed their friendship into being in 2006, when he was about to quit Hollywood because he was sick of it (McQ's grand dream has been to make a big bisexual Alexander the Great movie but Oliver Stone beat him to it, and after his first directorial endeavor was basically a flop, no one wanted to give him the money to make a huge epic - but you can't blame him for thinking it could work like that, because he watched Bryan Singer make The Usual Suspects and then get handed X-Men), but while out to lunch one day he overheard someone talking about how Tom's career was over because of all his recent shenanigans, and he thought, "I need to meet this guy, because he also sounds like Hollywood's shitting on him at the moment". So he got a couple meetings that got him through to Tom - and for their first meeting he drove over to Tom's house in his bachelor convertible. (No lie. Easily source-able.)

So they hit it off - in the way where they talked about movies for several hours and Tom invited him back again the next day to talk about movies some more. In this same timeline, McQ was shopping the Valkyrie script to United Artists, and when Tom expressed interest, the first thought was that Tom might produce. But then he was like, no, I actually want to play the lead. (Bryan Singer was attached to direct, and I know Bryan Singer sucks, but the backstory here is that McQ and Singer went to high school together, along with Ethan Hawke.) So everyone went to Germany to make the movie in the summer of 2007 - Tom and his family, and McQuarrie and his family.

This is Chris and Heather in 2000 at the premiere of The Way of the Gun, so before they met Tom. I include because they're adorable and also because the glow-up is fantastic. (The story of how they got together is like Jeopardy trivia and I would tell you to google Stephen Chbosky and McQ together to find it except what the fuck, it no longer comes up quickly: anyway, they did a Sundance Labs together and Chbosky gave McQ the Perks of Being a Wallflower manuscript and McQ got to the "we accept the love we think we deserve" line and thought about the woman he'd met a few times before [when they'd flirt at parties? apparently?] but thought was out of his league - Heather - and decided to go for it.)

I should mention that McQ was going to take the producing credit on Valkyrie just in name, for sort of bringing the project together, but then Paula Wagner was like, "I can't go to Germany with Tom, and he needs A Guy on scene, and I think you could be That Guy," so Chris said yes to being an actual producer - and ended up basically being the go-between guy between Tom and Singer on set.

Here's Tom & the McQs at the Valkyrie premiere in Rome:

After spending months together in Germany, the McQuarries end up becoming fast friends with the Cruises. Heather runs around NYC/LA with Katie a lot and works on Holmes & Yang, the fashion line. Here they are looking cute together:

(They're all good enough friends that the McQuarries go to Tom's surprise birthday bash in July of 2011.)

In the interests of saving just a SMALL amount of time here, I will speedrun: McQ gets brought in (by Tom) to help fix Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol, and learns a bunch of stuff about how he doesn't ever want to direct a MI movie. (Lies.) He turns in the Jack Reacher script, which originally wasn't intended for Tom to be in, but when Tom wants to be in your movie, you don't really say no. Reacher films in Pennsylvania in the fall/winter of 2011, and then Tom has to go to promo for MI:GP before he starts work on Oblivion. It's now summer of 2012, and the divorce happens. Tom basically moves to London - and the McQuarries move to London - to work on Edge of Tomorrow. Tom takes Chris with him to Croatia.

Lake, you might be thinking. Is McQ now just Tom's emotional support man? Yeah, probably. They get papped going out to dinner together a lot that fall. A gossip website refers to Tom and Heather walking out of a restaurant together as Tom's "cougar date", which will be funny forever.

Tom got Heather in the divorce, clearly. MOVING ON, McQ does splinter unit work on Edge of Tomorrow and then Tom's like, hey you should direct the next Mission movie, and McQ laughs like Tom is kidding but Tom is not. Tom has gone into the other room to call Brad Grey at Paramount and tell him McQ should be the director on Rogue. (This is how McQ ends up doing all this stuff - he's like, "haha, Tom, you kid" but Tom's not kidding and then suddenly people are strapped to the outsides of airplanes and shit.) In the midst of EoT filming, it's time for Reacher promo, so Tom and the McQuarrries fly all around the world together yet again. And holy shit, am I only up to 2013? Still ten years to cover. (I have about 500 more pictures than I am including here, in case anyone wondered.) More ffwd: They make Rogue Nation. Here's everyone - including Heather - in the Vienna subway:

And here's the three of them at an art gallery in London towards the end of the filming period:

The experience of making Rogue is such that McQ attempts to swear he won't do it again. LIES. Tom goes off to make American Made, Jack Reacher: Never Go Back, and The Mummy all in the space of about two years. McQ officially works on two of those, and from the way they talk about American Made, I wouldn't be surprised if he did some script work there, too.

In August of 2016, pre-production on Fallout pauses because Tom is in a pay dispute with the studio, and McQ decides maybe he doesn't want to do the movie and moves his family back to Los Angeles. SURPRISE, Tom calls him up a week or so later and asks him to come to London to talk about it. Guess what, he ends up doing the movie. (For that full story, which is great and includes Tom saying he loves Heather, please find Jeff Goldsmith's Q&A podcast for Fallout.)

Work on Fallout takes up basically the next two years. At the Tokyo premiere, Tom makes Heather cry when he says she takes care of McQ, and takes care of him, too. (Let me know if you want the video.)

Trying to speedrun this is NOT working, and I need to go stare at the ceiling for a while to process today's Sydney premiere kiss happenings. Part two coming eventually?!!? PART TWO PART THREE

[blogger360ncislarules]

Jim Parsons is opening up about how "beautiful" it was to reprise his Big Bang Theory role as adult Sheldon Cooper for the Young Sheldon series finale.

While speaking with ET's Rachel Smith about his Broadway project, Mother Play, Parsons shared that, yes, he has already taped his part for the Young Sheldon series finale. He's reprising his role alongside Mayim Bialik's Amy Farrah Fowler. Parsons said going back to a familiar role went so much better than he expected.

"It was beautiful. It was even more beautiful than I expected it to be. One of the reasons I was excited to do it is because what they wrote is so sweet and I think they worked Mayim and I into that show so beautifully," Parsons tells ET. "I hope everyone agrees. But also for us the way that they tape -- because they're a single-camera show and we're multi-camera -- the whole look of the show was a really special experience. To get to go with Mayim, in a world we're really guests and revisit these characters a little older, just a completely different circumstance."

When they reprise their roles on Young Sheldon on what will likely be a flash-forward scene, it'll be the first time Parsons and Bialik reprise their roles and appear on-screen together since The Big Bang Theory ended in May 2019. Parsons said that since leaving the show, everything's been like "one big wash of a memory, but to go back" it felt different.

"We're older and we haven't seen these people," he says. "It just felt different, but it felt really, really sweet."

"Well, yes and no. We finished our first read-through, we didn't tape it. We just went in and felt around the set, and Mayim nailed it when she walked back and said, 'Uh, I thought I'd feel a lot more confident than this.' I said, 'Me, too,'" Parsons admitted. "I really thought it'd be like putting on a pair of old shoes and then eventually it was, but not for about an hour or so. And I was like, 'Do I still know how to talk like this?' It was weird."

When Young Sheldon comes to a close with the season 7 finale in April, fans can expect the Big Bang Theory universe to expand once again, as it's been reported that CBS ordered a Young Sheldon spinoff series centered around George and Mandy raising their family in Texas. Chuck Lorre, Steven Molaro and Steve Holland are the creators. The trio's also the brains behind The Big Bang Theory and Young Sheldon.

"I really think it goes back to the writers," said Parsons, explaining what makes the shows successful. "They have continuously created such characters that people connect to, that people enjoy watching. It was always the key to our show, that I thought it was a group of people that who each individually were such well-defined deep characters. And it's the same with Young Sheldon and now they've got two more to go with. It's crazy."

In the meantime, fans can catch Parsons star opposite Jessica Lange and Celia Keenan-Bolger in Mother Play, a Broadway feature from Pulitzer Prize winner Paula Vogel. The 1-hour, 30-minute play (no intermission) is directed by Tina Landau, and the play centers around Parsons, Lange and Keenan-Bolger sharing the stage as a dysfunctional but moving family. 

Mother Play begins preview performances on Broadway on April 2.

[the-authors118]

Pov: The young boy Earl Ciel Phantomhive has a rival...namely you...

Story Synopsis: You grew up in a dirty corner of London until a rich wealthy family adopted you but you didn't know that they were trading on the black market. They sold your body to greedy old men for one night... You were 9 and fearful but again you had hatred for these people and so you sold your soul to the devil.

A/n: In this story Ciel turns 18!! And you're 16 here but you're turning 17.

Warnings: Enemys to lovers,Mention of killing and conquering trauma also choking.

Part 1

_________________________

Ciel slammed his fist on the table "I will destroy this girl! How dare she break off the engagement between me and Elisabeth?!" Sebastian stood across from his master's table. "Sebastian! I want you to find out everything about her every single detail and I want to know why she's after my job!"Ciel was breathing heavily "But my young master, we still have to plan your birthday party.. Her Majesty wants it that way because you're turning 18-" Ciel looked at him sharply "Didn't you hear what I said? Go now Sebastian!" He bowed to him "yes, my young master" he disappeared and Ciel fell back in his chair as he did went through the papers "Y/n L/n... What's your secret?"

........

Y/n's POV:

"I think it's so great that we Will be sisters-in-law Elisabeth" Y/n clapped her hand excitedly "My brother is happy to marry such a pretty girl like you" Elisabeth smiled slightly but you could see the sadness in her eyes “Well well, now my pretty Girl, don’t be sad” you lift her chin “Tears don’t suit you” you let go of her chin and took a tissue to wipe your hands "Valentine" you call her in, a young good looking woman came in "Yes my young mistress?" "Take Elisabeth to her room and take Paula with you.. she should help her" Valentin bowed "as you wish, young mistress" and held the door open for Elisabeth. Y/n went to the large window and looked out, her brown hair falling wavy down her back Her collar came loose slightly as she began to laugh. "My Young Mistress"Valentin ties her collar again “you got a letter”

Ciel's POV:

“You really want to invite Y/n young master?” Sebastian looked at Ciel in shock "Yes" he answered lightly and took a sip of tea "if I invite her I will talk to her about her desires and her wishes, maybe we will negotiate but if we not..." Sebastian grinned "I understand, young master"

Y/n's POV:

"He's so stupid" Y/n laughed as she played around with the Phantomhive invitation "he's inviting me even though-" Y/n stopped "It'll be a trap.. Valentine we'll go there" "but young mistress-" Y/n stood up and walked to the door "pack my things for two weeks.. we will be staying longer than planned" Y/n left the room and went to her study to sit at her table "Ciel Phantomhive..." She took the queen from the chess board "Now the game has begun" Y/n pushed the king with her queen.

"Welcome Lady Y/n" The Gray-haired butler helped Y/n out of the carriage, she came out with Valentin "My young mistress would like to go to her room immediately" Valentin said to him "but of course, please follow me" Tanaka bowed and led the way “Valentin search everything here carefully” Y/n whispered and she nodded.Three employees met us in the entrance hall "Welcome... the young Master still had errands to run He hopes that you will forgive him for not being able to be here when you arrive." The maid said. "Of course, it was a long trip anyway and I want to freshen up before I meet the Earl." Y/n smiled and Tanaka walked up the stairs with them "oh- oh yes of course" the maid stuttered "shall we carry the bags up?" "Yes, that would be a big help" Y/n turned around again and smiled down "thank you very much"The three of them blushed as Y/n walked up the stairs "an angel-like...so pretty" Finley looked after her "and her voice.. so soft" Mey-rin touched her face "You two again..." Bart had to hide his red face behind his hand "Come on now, we have to get the bags out of the carriage" he pulled the two of them behind.

"Was that really necessary, young mistress? I could also carry the bags." Valentin stood next to the bed as Y/n sat on it "Play figures don't move by themselves Valentine... you need charm to make them move... I tell you that so often" Valentin had to hold back a laugh. “Should I run a bath for you?” Y/n rolled over on her stomach, bored. “Yes, I want to look good for the young Earl Phanthomhive,” she laughed.

Valentin was tightening the corset as Y/n held on to the bed "I think corsets should be banned for children" she coughed as Valentin was tying the corset "You're 16, a young lady like you should always wear one thanks to your status" y/n rolled her eyes and grabbed her collar "thanks to my status.." Y/n's thoughts were interrupted from Tanaka who knocked on the door "Lady Y/n the food will be served in 15 minutes" he said through the door "Valentin quick, get me my light pink dress"

But to Y/n's surprise, Ciel and his black-clad butler were still not there His servants stood there while Y/n ate and Valentin poured her a glass of wine. "Hey Bart.. can the young lady Y/n drink wine yet?"Mei-rin whispered "Apparently yes... because of her high nobility and since her parents are wine makers, she is apparently allowed to." "You don't have to whisper.." Y/n played with her food and Mei-rin stood up straight "Please talk to me" she smiled at Mei-rin "I can't eat when it's so quiet so please tell me something"

And so it was a great evening

When the night arrived and everyone was already asleep, Y/n went into Ciel's study and sat down on the big chair she turned to the window and looked at the big moon and suddenly the door opened "Bring me some tea Sebastian" a boy's voice sounded "and a red wine" Ciel was startled as Y/n turned around "Good evening dear Earl" “Lady Y/n, what are you doing here in my study?” Y/n stood up, she was in her night dress which was a bit transparent because of the moon "Please don't come so close" Ciel blushed and looked away "Dear Ciel, it's really cheeky that you left me alone while eating.. that's not appropriate for a young man.. and you will soon turn 18 what kind of decency do you actually have?" Ciel kept her at a distance "Y/n, I won't fall for your games" her look became more serious "It's a shame.. although I like to see you get nervous If you are in a room with a young lady like me..." She went closer "aren't you... you virgin" she whispers in his ear It was interrupted by a knock. "Young master, I'll bring you and Lady Y/n some tea." Y/n sat down on the leather couch “Pff, I wanted to have a wine” she complained as Sebastian put the tea in front of her “my deepest apologies Lady Y/n but I think you should drink something calming at such a late hour." "Yeah.. I think you're right Sebastian.. thank you very much" he bowed "I'll go now then" he left the room and Ciel took a sip "it wasn't my plan to keep you waiting that long but since you came earlier I had no other choice" She smelled the tea and wrinkled her nose “It can happen sometimes,” she put the cup back down"And where were you?" "In downtown London, the Queen summoned me" Y/n looked into his one bright blue eye "I have to tell you that Elisabeth unfortunately won't be honoring us on your birthday. She had to go away with my brother at short notice." "Tss" Ciel clicked his tongue “What did you mean by breaking off the engagement?” "Actually, I would have thought that you would be devastated, but somehow it didn't help." Ciel had to laugh "That's because Elisabeth was supposed to marry my twin brother, but since he died I had to take over And that's why I could never really develop feelings for her." “oh no, my heart is bleeding so much” Y/n giggled “but without a decent woman of high standard the queen will not allow you to marry So you won't get an heir and with that the name Phanthomhive will crumble to dust.. except.." Y/n stood up and stood in front of Ciel "you're marrying me" he choked on his tea "excuse me what?" "You heard me," she stroked his hair, "I'm not engaged yet because my parents died recently, but my uncle... He'll probably get me engaged to my horrible cousin very soon" Ciel looked at her "together we can achieve a lot... We will become the most powerful people and-" "enough" Ciel slapped her hand away "I know exactly what your games are Y/n! You're like a snake... you quietly sneak up on your prey..." Ciel grabbed her wrist and turned her onto the couch so that he was on top. "After you catch your prey You Play With it and after you get bored you cut off your prey's air more and more" his hand went around her neck and squeezed. Y/n opened her mouth and let out a startled breath "After death you play with their lifeless bodies to gain power and then in the end you devour them" The air is being cut off more and more and in Y/n' eyes formed tears. Ciel let go of her and sat next to her, you could only hear Y/n's breathing "Wow, I didn't know you were so kinky, dear Earl" Y/n giggled as she quickly tied her collar tighter "You stupid girl"

"It's too deeply hurtful what you think of me... But you're a watchdog... How many deaths have you already eaten mh?" Ciel's hand twitched "I work under the Queen's orders" "Everyone has mommy issues... So... I think it's hot if you listen to me" "Will never happen" Y/n crossed her arms "You play hard to get Ciel" "and you like it that way" "you know me" both had to smile.

“Well then, I’ll see you at breakfast” Y/n went to the door "Oh Ciel..." She turned around "what?" "Let's play chess together tomorrow... but according to my rules" Ciel had to tilt his head "rules inside? I'll think about it" She left the room.

"Yes Ciel.. my rules" your smile disappeared as you walked into your room "Valentine" you called out "Yes young mistress" you tore off your collar "I want you to pass Sebastian tomorrow! He should be distracted. You know he's a devil right?" Valentin nodded "then show him what you can do" she knelt in front of you and your devil's mark glowed red on your neck "as you wish young mistress"

[measureformeasure]

@lesbiancassius' (very late) february reads

yes I will do this monthly now.

books (as it turns out, I was busy. one book)

Enter Ghost, Isabella Hammad - An actor, Sonia, returns to visit her sister Haneen in Haifa and gets caught up in playing Gertrude in a Hamlet production in the West Bank. Stellar.

short fiction & poetry

Why Don’t We Just Kill the Kid in the Omelas Hole, Isabel J. Kim - obsessed with this on title alone. It has such a feel to it in the way it moves that I envy.

Parthenogenesis, Piya Patel - horror that makes me want to peel out of my skin and/or get a hysterectomy.

Eschatology, Eve L. Ewing - poem that was circulating recently and God. Fuck, dude. Yeah. Yeah.

Ouroboros, Megan Xing - The to-do lists in this got me because I was having my little freak out before my show went up where you think you can fix everything with to-do lists. Also heavily feeling replacing ineffective psych meds with yogurt, a pickle, and two advil.

I also read Cancer Buffet by Mary Hannah Terzino and Soft Opening by Elle Nash, but I was tired and don’t remember them.

(some) articles

Who Was Barbie? (A Symposium), n+1 magazine - this cemented to me that I truly, truly do not care about Barbie or the Barbie movie and if I have to hear anything about it ever again I'm smashing a bowl on purpose

A bunch of Hera Lindsay Bird’s advice column, which is delightful.

Let’s talk about Goodreads, Nicole Brinkley. There are many days I am glad I do not want to pursue a career as solely an author of novels. Godspeed to the authors out there you're braver than I will ever be.

Saving a Life, Patricia Lockwood - my god I have got to read a Patricia Lockwood book, and also my god getting grievously ill on vacation is one of my greatest fears so this one made me a little bit crazy.

The Secret Life: On the poet Molly Brodak, Patricia Lockwood - again, my god, I need to read a Patricia Lockwood book.

A Final Checklist Before You Print up Your Play, Rick Roberts - this reminded me so much of Joshua McGuire’s Rules For Writing Libretto, which I think of a lot.

“I think the word is dignity” — Rachel Corrie’s Letters from Gaza — I don’t know what to say. Read these if you can. They’re striking.

The Sexual Status of Aeschylus’ Cassandra, Paula Debnar - I can put an academic paper here you're not the boss of me. why I opened this one I don't remember but I was fervently texting friends in the middle of a certainly unrelated class about it because I've never been normal about Kassandra and Klytemnestra and I'm not going to start now.

tv/movies

Rewatching Severance, slowly.

Rewatching Sort Of, less slowly - this is probably niche to non-Canadian readers but it is a very good show.

Watched The Prince, which was a long time coming, and then wrote a paper about it. Bless.

tbr/nightstand

in the midst of Salvage the Bones, which is of course very good

Helen of Troy: from Homer to Hollywood

I'm gonna be rereading like every play off my Shakespeare class syllabus for the final which I wish I was more excited about

[bizarrequazar]

GJ and ZZH Updates — July 16-22

<<< previous week || all posts || following week >>>

This is part of a weekly series collecting updates from and relating to Gong Jun and Zhang Zhehan.

This post is not wholly comprehensive and is intended as an overview, links provided lead to further details. Dates are in accordance with China Standard Time, the organization is chronological. My own biases on some things are reflected here. Anything I include that is not concretely known is indicated as such, and you’re welcome to do your own research and draw your own conclusions as you see fit. Please let me know if you have any questions, comments, concerns, or additions. :)

[Glossary of names and terms] [Masterlist of my posts about the situation with Zhang Zhehan]

07-16 → Yu Zheng, Zhang Zhehan’s former shithead boss (see 21-11-03), posted a video of himself wearing one of the Zhang Sanjian hats. @zhongwans​​ made a great post explaining how him being involved with the scam seems to be the final piece of the puzzle for how they got a hold of the Instagram account. Tweets about this: [1] [2] [3]

→ Gong Jun posted on Weibo: “Ridiculous! Yesterday was a good night, when did I get drunk?” and replied in character to a few fan comments under the post. The Gong Jun Outside Office account reposted this with the addition, “Replying to Your Highness, never. It’s just the beautiful scenery on the tree (deleted all the small ones [ie. videos/pictures of Han Ye drunk] that should be deleted, don’t worry)” Fan Observation: Gong Jun originally posted this at 11:05 (511 kadian), only to delete it and repost it a minute later.

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted six gifs of Han Ye. Caption: “It doesn’t matter, anyway, His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon will make a move! Dropping a set of ‘ridiculous’ series of emoticons, you come be ridiculous!”

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted two promotional stills of Han Ye.

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted a compilation video of Han Ye saying “ridiculous”. Caption: “‘Ridiculous-ge’ has a stable output. Q: How many times did His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon say ridiculous?” They also posted a similar video to Douyin.

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted a promotional video of Gong Jun and Dilireba doing tacit understanding gestures together.

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted a behind the scenes video. Caption: “Dajing's ‘drama essence’ trio Ren Anle @ Dear-Dilraba Dilmurat, Han Ye @ Gong Jun Simon, Luo Mingxi @ Modern Xiongdi Liu Yuning officially debuted as a group! Serious and focused in the play, a second of success outside the play, fancy and funny non-stop, hurry up and watch~”

→ Gong Jun Outdoor Office posted a video of Gong Jun resting in his trailer while filming Legend of Anle. Caption: “His Highness is back from a private visit, and is still a little bit reluctant to change from the little beggar’s costume. 🥺”

→ Gong Jun posted an image of drunk Han Ye. Caption: “Scored twice, I Ye am drunk...”

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted a video behind the scenes footage from Legend of Anle. Caption: “His Highness @ Gong Jun Simon’s daily business trip to the south of the Yangtze River 📹 The handsome and unrestrained Prince of Dajing, behind him is the disaster relief food that the people want. At this moment, it is reliable 😭” BGM is I’ll Do It by Heidi Montag and Why Would I Ever by Paula DeAnda. 

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted a promotional image of Han Ye. Caption: “His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon secretly arrived south of the Yangtze River, running to investigate the people's sentiments. As rigorous as Ye, never let the number of steps reveal your whereabouts!”

07-17 → Filming wrapped for Gong Jun’s upcoming drama The Truth. 

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted a promotional poster. 

→ Fresh posted a promotional video spoken by Gong Jun. (1129 kadian)

→ Gong Jun’s studio made a post announcing that he and the other of stars of Legend of Anle would be doing a livestream that evening. 

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted another behind the scenes video. Caption: “Under the moonlight, Ren Anle @ Dear-Dilraba Dilmurat and Han Ye @ Gong Jun Simon look at each other in circles, gazing at each other so romantically, and behind the romance there is this wave of operations, let’s find out together~”

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted four images of Han Ye. Caption: “‘Ye’ is good at diligence, His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon’s daily motivational wallpapers are here, let's work hard on ‘Ye’ with His Highness!”

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted two promotional stills of Han Ye.

→ The Instagram posted a two photos and a video of “Zhang Zhehan”.

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted a promotional poster of Han Ye.

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted a picture comic about Legend of Anle’s second story arc. Caption: “His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon has successfully solved the Jiangnan corruption case! See how His Highness peels off the cocoon, appeases the victims, and punishes the corrupt officials. Tonight at 21:00, lock into the Weibo live broadcast and join the chess game!”

→ Gong Jun, Dilireba, and Liu Yuning did a livestream together to promote Legend of Anle. [full recording] [highlights thread]

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted a promotional image celebrating Legend of Anle reaching 10,000 popularity index. The Legend of Anle Weibo also posted a video celebrating the milestone.

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted four gifs of Gong Jun waiting for the livestream to start. Caption: “His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon’s Exit Record 🈶️ Let’s talk again next time!”

07-18 → Gong Jun Outdoor Office posted a video from the previous day of Gong Jun singing Jay Chou’s Hair Like Snow. Caption: “Boss said it was good, but it was really good. Giving the very good song ‘Hair Like Snow’ to everyone”

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted a douyin of Han Ye acting properly vs acting foolishly. Caption: “If you brush it [the video], you will earn it, and quickly get the special ‘Ye’ term used by different units!”

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted a photo of him from The Truth’s wrap party. Caption: “Through the fog and reveal the truth, Ye Qian @ Gong Jun Simon breaks the situation and moves forward, waiting to meet you!”

→ Gong Jun posted two photos from The Truth’s wrap party. Caption: “All crimes cannot escape legal sanctions. Looking forward to meeting Ye Qian again.” This was reposted by his studio with the added caption, “Move with the wind, observe the traces carefully, and look forward to meeting Ye Qian @ Gong Jun Simon again!” It was also reposted by the The Truth Weibo account, added caption: “Looking forward to Police Officer Ye Qian”

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted a behind the scenes clip from Legend of Anle. Caption: “‘Ye’ is busy day and night ‘Ye’, click on the video below, and immediately get permission to view the work record of His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon ‘Ye’~”

→ 361° posted the gif of drunk Han Ye that Gong Jun had posted the previous week. 

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted a promotional image of Han Ye. Caption: “Drinking games? The distinguished player Prince @ Gong Jun Simon has shut down the mic”

07-19 → The Legend of Anle Weibo posted a behind the scenes video. Caption: “The studio presents ‘accident’ footage, with professional equipment on rainy days, no real demonstration props, and hilarious play props ‘let go as soon as you say it’... The dense laughter makes people laugh from ear to ear, Come and watch and check the happy energy with one click!”

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted a behind the scenes video from a Legend of Anle photoshoot. Caption: “Jade robes and brocade clothes, eyebrows like an ink painting, His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon is full of elegance and nobility in every gesture”

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted two promotional stills of Han Ye.

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted an image of Han Ye with an MBTI category (ISTJ). Caption: “Picked up an MBTI personality test card for His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon's special ‘Ye’ version, mentally stable, leadership qualities get 🧐”

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted a behind the scenes video from Legend of Anle. Caption: “Hidden Camera is back online! Follow the camera, let's find the special moment of His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon's studio camp ‘Ye’”

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted a promotional image for Legend of Anle. Caption: “The Prince's Mansion has good news for ‘Ye’! The Legend of Anle has reached over 10,000 [popularity index] on Youku for 3 consecutive days. Prince Han Ye @ Gong Jun Simon thanks you for your support!”

07-20 → The Legend of Anle Weibo posted a behind the scenes video of the drunk Han Ye scene. Caption: “There is a lot of joy behind the banquet! Ren Anle @ Dear-Dilraba Dilmurat is shocked and continues to laugh, Han Ye @ Gong Jun Simon sips ‘drinks’ non-stop, and bluntly said ‘fly to the sky’.” 

→ The Instagram posted nine photos of “Zhang Zhehan” and scenery. 

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted another behind the scenes video. Caption: “One second I said I could trust the props, but the next second the props were the ‘culprit’, after all, I failed! There is also Ren Anle @Dear-Dilraba Dilmurat who was unsuspectingly caught by Han Ye @ Gong Jun Simon , and learned to draw inferences when he suddenly realized. 

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted a video compilation of Han Ye acting commanding. Caption: “His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon Dajing special anti ‘Ye’, respect Ye!”

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted two promotional stills of Han Ye. Caption: “The original intention does not change to what I want, and I will never give up if I devote myself wholeheartedly.“

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted two live photos of him doing calligraphy on a paper fan. Caption: “His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon dedicates calligraphy, the ‘Ridiculous-ge’ who engages in creation is not ridiculous”

→ Gong Jun and the other main cast members of Legend of Anle attended a media conference to promote the show. [full video] Clips: [1] [2] [3] [4]

→ Gong Jun Outdoor Office posted a video of Gong Jun at the media conference. Caption: “Prince @ Gong Jun Simon comes to sprinkle some candy on the family”

→ Gong Jun posted seven photos of himself from that day. Caption: “#The Legend of Anle# and the other ‘Ye’.”

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted nine photos from the same photoshoot. Caption: “Light and dark have quality, watch His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon guarding the temperature of his fingertips between square inches.”

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted a behind the scenes video. Caption: “Dajing etiquette class has started! Click to view Prince Han Ye @ Gong Jun Simon’s public etiquette class, being taught by His Royal Highness, a rare opportunity~”

→ Gong Jun posted a douyin of himself doing a little dance. Caption: “After singing, enter the dance world.” BGM is 宝贝在干嘛 by Noisemakers.

07-21 → Gong Jun posted a commercial he did for L’Oreal. 

→ The stolen Xiao Yu account being run by Hewitt (see 07-14 last week) wiped all of its content.

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted nine photos of him from the previous day’s event. Caption: “Follow His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon to realize the freedom of yellow (huang) sugar (tang*), oh ‘Ye’✌🏻” *“ridiculous”

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted a douyin of bloopers from the previous day’s dance douyin Caption: “His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon has practiced!” BGM is Leyla by Mesto.

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted a behind the scenes video of Legend of Anle. Caption: “A record of the construction of the Dajing royal team! Click on the video to subscribe to the exclusive ‘Ye’ life vlog of the Prince Han Ye @ Gong Jun Simon with one click!”

07-22 → Gong Jun’s studio posted the full airing schedule for Legend of Anle: 39 episodes, concluding on 08-06 for VIP (1 or 2 episodes a day), 09-01 for free viewers (1 episode every weekday).

→ QuelleVous posted a thread explaining recent findings about the Zhang Sanjian songs, showing evidence that many were either sampled from or completely bought from other songwriters. [Followup] Earlier in the week, Flora had also tweeted showing that on the most recent song, the lyricist and composer were only credited with a single initial on YouTube.

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted two promotional stills of Han Ye. 

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted a video putting similar clips from Legend of Anle and The Flaming Heart side by side. Caption: “Even in parallel time and space, the trajectories of the stories will meet at a certain moment, colliding with a new ‘firework’” Gong Jun Outdoor Office posted two gifs of the same scenes half an hour later. Caption: “Regardless of past life or present life, he will choose to rush into the flames without hesitation, just to stick to the beliefs in his heart.”

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted a behind the scenes video. Caption: “Behind the scenes of the fire are Ren Anle @ Dear-Dilraba Dilmurat, Han Ye @ Gong Jun Simon’s vigorous ‘scaring’, matryoshka-style ‘princess carry’, and Luo Mingxi @ Modern Brother Liu Yuning’s desperation caused the whole room to burst into laughter...Quickly poke to watch the highlights~”

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted a video compiling Han Ye’s greatest hits so far. Caption: “‘Ye’ is full of heart, His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon's career is on the rise, and he is rolling up 👍”

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted a behind the scenes video of Gong Jun riding a horse. Caption: “The prince’s ‘driving’ school is open today ‘Ye’, click to watch His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon begin class! 😎😎”

→ Gong Jun Outdoor Office posted a video of Gong Jun greeting fans from the balcony of the building where he had filmed an episode of Hello Saturday that day. Caption: “Thank you for all your hard work, love and motivation, thank you for all your patience, support and understanding, and thank you for your 100% love. Everyone be safe getting home!” [subbed fancam]

Additional Reading:  → #GongJun and #TheLegendofAnle trended on Twitter throughout much of the week. I haven’t been keeping tabs on Weibo hotsearch, sorry.

<<< previous week || all posts || following week >>>

[littlemisskittentoes]

get to know kittentoes!

this is such a fun way to strengthen connections around the little pod of us that interact in the same fandom space! so a MASSIVE thank you to @happiness-of-the-pursuit for thinking of me to tag!

without further ado, get to know me better under the cut!

First Set

Last Song: Valerie by Amy Whinehouse

Last Film: the new Mean Girls movie!

Currently Reading: okay, this is kind of like, a two part question--

fic-wise: the PJO AU (by Rhys, Manu, and Beas ! and i'm also doing an in-depth portfolio crawl through Sarah's ao3 !

outside of fic: i'm working my way through volume five of Lore Olympus, and reading Local Woman Missing by Mary Kubica, and of course, i fall asleep every night to the RWRB audiobook, so that's a constant bip

Currently Watching: i've been informed that i'm supremely late to the game, but i just finished season one of True Detective! and, of course, i'm staying tuned for the weekly episode release of PJO

Currently Consuming: some good old h2o! the last thing i ate were some sugar snap peas!

Currently Craving: an aunt of mine makes these really really tasty salads with different sprouts and seeds, fresh tomato and cucumber from her garden, some avocado, and her own dressing. an Aunt Paula salad would slap right now

Second Set

Were You Named After Anyone?

Yes! Sarah comes from my paternal great grandmother, my middle name comes from my maternal great grandmother!

When Was The Last Time You Cried?

Mmm, two or so weeks ago i got into an altercation with one of the feral cats i take care of while trying to capture them to go to the vet. it did not go well, and i felt awful that i scared him

Do You Have Kids?

i do not! i was in a four year relationship where i took on a kind of 'step parent' role from the time the child was a newborn onward. so, i do occasionally see her. but outside of that, no. and i'm not someone that ever pictures themselves changing that

What Sport Do/Have You You Played?

sigh alright, so i played soccer as a very young child-- not great at it. tried basketball for a bit-- also terrible at that. went for volleyball-- gave a girl a concussion trying to serve overhand. FINALLY, i started cheerleading and ended up as cheer captain for a number of years!

Do You Use Sarcasm?

i think so! i'm pretty sure i use some dry humor occassionally

What's The First Thing You Notice About Other People?

probably smile, or if they have a more general welcoming aura/body language!

What's Your Eye Color?

brown!

Scary Movies or Happy Endings?

as much as i'm an absolute hopeless romantic, my go to is actually horror! i'm an adrenaline junkie and LOVE to be scared! i can easily be pursuaded into a romance movie though

Any Talents?

i'm actually a very confident public speaker. i still have some of my cartwheels and splits from my cheer days. and i'm decently okay at keeping up my score during jeopardy! lastly, i'm pretty good with some watercolor paints and a micron pen

Where Where You Born?

Northern US!

What Are Your Hobbies?

i help run a local poetry open mic night, i'm fairly active in my local bdsm scene, and i have a constant revolving door of hobbies i entertain for about a week and completely forget about (most recently it's been crystal 3d puzzles, painting book edges, and making shrinky dink earrings)

Do You Have Any Pets?

so many... i live with my parents at the moment, and they have one dog and eight cats! we also care for a colony of feral cats that live on our property

How Tall Are You?

5'3 (1/2)" ! am smol gorl

Favorite Subject in School?

english! i was also a massive studio art nerd though

Dream Job?

you know, all through undergrad and my master's program, i always said that i would have loved to have been a manuscript editor. i even had an internship helping edit poetry chapbooks! but now that i've found myself in a sphere where I get the privilege of beta-ing for a handful of friends, it feels like that skill set is already able to be used and stretched. so, i'm not super sure! maybe something with animals?

alright!! sending out a no pressure tag to some of my beloveds @inexplicablymine @read-and-write- @affectionatelyrs @gayrootvegetable @anincompletelist @leojfitz @leaves-of-laurelin @matherines @wordsofhoneydew @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @user-anakin

[starstruckodysseys]

she’s getting into something (he’s going all or nothing) —

(or: lanie doesn’t do bets. or lessons, for that matter. there’s also not a lot she wouldn’t do for her friends. unfortunately.)

(or or: the ep8 business date/craps game but a little to the left. extremely to the left, some might say. possibly not even on the map anymore)

“Okay,” Lanie says, because she’s pretty sure they’re getting confused here, “hang on, sidebar real quick.”

She drags Wendell-as-Vic off to the side, just enough that no one should be able to hear them. It’s both easier and harder than usual, but somehow not in a way that cancels out.

“Wen,” she says quietly, staring him dead in the eyes, not taking her hand off his shoulder. “Wendell. You are aware that I, actual person Lanie Woodward, am not a lesbian, right?”

He stares at her like he was not, in fact, aware of this. “…What?”

Lanie sighs, rubs at her temple. “I’m— what do you mean what? I flirt with half the customers that come into the store!”

“I’ve never seen you flirt with a guy!” he whisper-shouts frantically.

Holy shit. Holy actual shit. There’s a voice in the back of her mind that isn’t hers yelling at her not to cry, but she feels pretty damn close to it.

It’s not— Lanie is not subtle. That has never been a word in her vocabulary. If she grins and laughs and leans a little closer during conversation than strictly necessary, people assume things, and that’s easier than dealing with her actual emotions. But this is not that, has never been that. She’s aware that she’s an awkward third wheel in whatever the hell Wendell and Liv have going on, but she’d assumed everyone was aware of that. It’s, like, her entire deal. Usha winks pointedly at her and Dang laughs while Russell attempts to be comforting when she groans too loudly and Paula— well, Paula might not actually be aware of it, but that’s perfectly fine with her.

But anyway. She was under the impression everyone knew, for the most part. Hell, Dave’s gotten onto her about it numerous times! Which, to be fair, he kind of does anyway, but fuck him because she’s nineteen and already in debt and—

Lanie sighs. Swallows. Glances around for anyone remotely resembling a bartender. Finds no one. “Is there a bartender here?” she asks desperately.

The weird clown man in the back steps forward, bowing slightly. Lanie squints at him, recognizes him as the guy who set up the kiss bet, and nods.

“Can I get, just… the strongest thing you have. In general.” She makes a vague hand motion that means nothing.

“Lan—” Wendell starts, stops, tries again. “Cara. I don’t—”

She waves him off. “I’m fine. Or, I will be fine in the next thirty seconds, if someone gets to it.” She raises a pointed eyebrow, something she’s never been able to figure out how to do as herself.

The clown man bows deeper. “Yes, ma’am.”

Lanie cringes, but nods, and he sets off to… somewhere. The where isn’t important. She’s currently unpacking the difference between what she’s meant the past few months and what everyone else has apparently assumed she’s meant. Or at least what Wendell has assumed she’s meant. Which is nothing.

She thinks she might have an aneurysm.

But that’s— they don’t have time for this right now. They have to learn how to play craps — and then pretend that they knew how to play craps the whole time, because Kingskin’s entire thing is crime and gambling and whatnot, and they can’t risk being found out now — so that Wendell doesn’t fucking die in the movie or whatever. Either that or he… kisses Liv on the mouth. As Kingskin and Vic Ethanol. She’s getting flashbacks to every high school party she ever went to.

Is it wrong that she doesn’t really care who wins? Probably. She’s also murdered several people at this point, so maybe her morals are a little off. Sue her.

Liv glances sideways at her when she sits back down. “Everything okay?”

“I think I’m going insane, Livvy,” Lanie mutters, just loud enough for only Liv to hear.

“Oh.” Liv frowns. “Do you want to head out?”

“I mean, I’d love to, y’know, survive,” Wendell cuts in, swinging around to sit on Lanie’s other side, which does not feel convenient if they do lose the game.

She’s not complaining or anything. It’s just impractical. From a logical standpoint. Obviously.

“They legally can’t kill you,” she says, bumping their shoulders together — a feat that’s a little more difficult now that their height difference… exists at all, really, but is more exaggerated than usual. “Pretty sure you made sure of that.”

“I didn’t do anything!” he protests weakly.

Lanie rolls her eyes fondly, and Liv laughs, and Wendell huffs but doesn’t say anything else. If she squints, it looks like he’s blushing, but that would be— well. Actually. It would be ridiculous on Vic Ethanol, sure, but she knows Wendell well enough that it’s hardly even surprising. It’s just… strange, seeing it on someone else’s face. Which is kind of a summary of their entire experience here so far.

The clown guy returns with her drink. He pauses in the doorway when he sees them, but recovers quickly, only looking at them a little suspiciously as he hands over the glass, the liquid somehow both muddy brown and bright pink at the same time. Right. She has a reputation to uphold, and the fact that her best friends slash main flirting targets are not women is not helping Cara’s whole lesbian thing. The lesbian thing being that she is a lesbian.

Maybe that’s Lanie’s lesson here. Stop being an obnoxious freak.

She’s never been good at taking lessons to heart.

“You all know how to play, yes?” French fry man asks — Pommefriete, whatever, it’s a stupid name. His accent is slowly getting less French and more incomprehensible.

“Um. Yeah. Definitely,” Liv says awkwardly. “But if we could get, like, a refresher? For the table…?”

This is going either nowhere or very badly and neither of those are great options.

“Just so we’re on a level playing field,” Lanie adds. If she leans a little more forward than necessary, well. “You wouldn’t want someone to have an unfair advantage, would you?”

Pommefriete shakes his head. “Certainly not. A refresher for the table it is!”

She lets out a very small sigh of relief. Wendell bumps their legs together under the table, and Liv flashes her a grateful smile when they make eye contact. She sends one back — it was Liv’s idea, after all. She’s just… using her resources. Yeah, that’s it. Pretty privilege works, kids.

Unfortunately, it isn’t enough to save their dice rolls, which end up being very bad. Lanie still doesn’t entirely understand how the game works, but the numbers are low and that’s not usually great in dice games. She leans back in her chair, lets out a low whistle. There’s not much else to do.

“Practice round,” Wendell mutters. Liv nods, determined.

Lanie takes a sip of her drink in preparation. It’s far stronger than she’d expected, even with her request, and it tastes strangely like nail polish remover. She coughs, attempting to muffle it with one hand and failing miserably. She’s still decidedly too sober to deal with literally any of this, so she takes another drink and pretends it doesn’t burn her throat on the way down.

There’s a tension in the air, electric and terrifying. Lanie isn’t even involved in the game, or the bet — they’d offered, but her luck has always been terrible — but she’s still on the edge of her seat. Metaphorically speaking, that is.

The dice clink against the table. Liv swears under her breath. Wendell goes deathly still. Lanie kicks back the rest of her drink before even bothering to look at the numbers. It’s entirely worth it once she does.

“Well then,” Pommefriete says, sounding just smug enough that Lanie actively resists the urge to not punch him in the face. “That’s the way the dice fall, I suppose. Or, roll, rather.”

He laughs as if he’s made some sort of clever pun, and not just a statement of fact. Next to Lanie, Wendell’s still completely frozen, and she covertly elbows him to drag him back to the present. He jolts, stares properly at the dice on the table, and seems to physically hold back a groan. She can’t say she doesn’t relate, and she’s not even part of the deal here.

“I, uh.” Liv moves like she’s going to mess with her hair, then seems to remember she doesn't exactly have hair to mess with. “Do we just…?”

Her hesitance is strange to see on Kingskin, but it makes it easier for Lanie to pretend that this is a normal situation for the three of them and not borderline life or death. Like they’re playing Truth or Dare at a sleepover, and not gambling Wendell’s life away.

The dynamite sticks out from behind the table. She thinks she sees red for a second.

Lanie has, over the course of their time in the movie and even before it, watched Wendell and Liv dance around each other. She’s seen Wendell forget how to form sentences like a functioning human, noted carefully as Liv’s feelings seemed to slowly blossom into something new. It’s cute, really, and she’s used to being the third wheel in their whole deal, used to being the advice girl, the therapist friend.

She scoots her chair back to give them space. Liv places one monstrous hand on her thigh to stop her and leans in.

It’s a painstakingly slow affair. Which is fair, because she doesn’t think either of them have kissed anyone before — not that she’s one to talk — and they’re two of the most awkward people she knows. When it comes to each other, at least. Thank god Liv is at least a little assertive when the situation calls for it.

They’re still incredibly far apart. The fact that everything feels like it’s going way too fast doesn’t change the actuality of the situation. Lanie sighs, leans back, catches Wendell’s eye for half a second and raises an eyebrow, pointed and teasing and a little jealous, all at once.

It’s just a Liv thing, he’d said. She doesn’t know if she still believes it.

“You chicken?” she says, like a challenge.

She doesn’t mean to say it, really. But there’s a buzz in her chest and a warmth in her bones, and her brain doesn’t feel completely tethered to the ground, much less her own head. It’s not entirely her fault she’s saying the first thing to come to mind.

Lanie isn’t particularly quiet, most of the time. The alcohol is doing nothing to help.

Wendell sputters, avoiding her gaze even as his face reddens. Liv pauses for a fraction of a second, glances at Lanie and immediately looks away. She doesn’t know what to do with any of this information. Her brain’s so fuzzy she might not even be retaining it.

(She is. It’s going straight to the back of her brain, highlighted in several different colors and cataloged under what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck. She’s used that box a lot more recently.)

They’re leaning in again. Not that they ever really stopped, but it’s actually happening now, and Lanie really feels like she shouldn’t be here, or should at least be looking away, but Liv’s hand is burning a hole through her thigh and she doesn’t even know if she could move if she wanted to. She should want to. This is weird.

The voice in the back of her head — the one that isn’t hers, technically, just trapped in its own body — has dulled down. Logically, Lanie knows Cara’s in there somewhere, probably shouting at her to leave the situation, but she can’t hear the woman unless she actively tries. And, for reasons she thinks are pretty solid, she doesn’t really feel like trying. She’s got… other things on her mind right now.

She hasn’t been able to take her eyes off of either of her friends in front of her, which isn’t much different from usual, actually, but there’s a flash of movement in the corner of her eye, and even in her clouded state she manages to clock it. Pommefriete is dashing away, more subtle than anyone else in this goddamn film.

“Fucking—” Lanie mutters, then continues, at a normal volume: “I hate to break this up, trust me, but french fry motherfucker is currently getting away, and I feel like we should maybe do something about that.”

Maybe it’s her words, or her voice, or the fact that half of those words weren’t even words because she’s slurring them just barely, but Liv and Wendell spring apart, nervous and hesitant. Lanie rolls her eyes — she loves them, really, but there’s a time and a place and yes she’s being a hypocrite, but that’s not relevant. Blame the fact that she’s getting drunker by the second.

They, eventually, dash out the door, hopefully hot on the tail of the clown guys who apparently want them dead. It doesn’t take long to find them, mostly because they’re brightly colored and in a large room. Lanie reaches for the gun in her pocket, then switches sides because that’s her taser, actually, which is also her MacGuffin and not something she wants to be throwing around for no reason.

And then it turns out they don’t even need their weapons, because the hotel staff spring out from literally nowhere and, quite literally, commit murder in their own hotel. It feels far too convenient, but then again, they’d said they’d protect their group when they walked in, no murder rules aside. Which is kind of just an everywhere rule, actually.

“Holy shit,” Wendell says, awed.

Lanie laughs. “Again. You did that.”

She doesn’t know how she knows that, or even if it’s true, but he smiles in response, a little proud, a little shocked, and something warm fizzles in her chest.

Liv, on the other hand, looks more downtrodden, slumping out of Kingskin’s ramrod straight posture. Her halberd sits loosely in her hand, resting against the floor. Lanie attempts to process this, connect the dots that feel way too far apart. She doesn’t get a chance to before one of the clown guys pops up from the floor, apparently not completely dead, and Liv brings the halberd down right across his neck. There’s a grin on her face as she does. A subconscious shiver runs down Lanie’s spine.

“Holy shit,” she echoes, barely above a whisper. Wendell nods slowly, eyes wide.

Never Stop Blowing Up is not a slow paced film. It’s quite possibly been the most insane god-knows-how-many hours of her entire life. She’s committed several crimes by this point. And she doesn’t know if it’s because they’re just standing around, for the moment, or if it’s everything crashing down at once, or what, but this feels like far too much. Like they’ve crossed some sort of invisible line she hadn’t even known existed.

Don’t get her wrong, she’s not upset about the series of events that have led up to now. She’s just… having an adrenaline crash, it seems. Not the greatest time, all things considered.

Liv leans down, tosses Wendell his dynamite, which he fumbles with for just a moment. Something feels like it clicks in the back of Lanie’s mind, but she’s far too out of it to know what. Or care what, for that matter. She would love to get out of the room with several dead bodies. Maybe even find the rest of their friends.

“Are you feeling okay?” Liv asks, her brows furrowed.

It takes Lanie longer than it should to realize the question is directed at her. “Never better,” she says, and the slur of her speech immediately contradicts it.

Neither of them seem to believe her.

“Right,” Liv says, audibly holding back a laugh.

Wendell loops an arm over her shoulders, and she leans in on instinct, only then remembering that Cara’s 5’4 on a good day and not Lanie’s comfortable 5'10. She’s never had to lean against him like this — never been able to, really, they’re about the same height. It’s weird. She’s also not completely upset about the whole situation.

Liv’s hand — Kingskin’s, really, but Lanie cannot find it in herself to care enough to differentiate the two right now — darts out, then retracts, like she can’t quite figure out what to do with it. There’s a dazed sort of look in her eyes, which might be bold coming from Lanie, who is notably drunk off her ass right now, but the fact that it’s there at all is… a little concerning. Then again, a bunch of shit just happened in the span of maybe half an hour, more emotionally taxing than anything else they’ve done so far.

Mostly it’s just been explosions. These are like… mental explosions. Or something smarter than that. Again, her brain is not in her head right now.

They make it back to the lobby, eventually, and Lanie has to blink to reprocess the deep purples and bright pinks scattering across the room. For a moment, the only coherent thought that comes to mind is holy shit they’ve got bisexual lighting this place fucking rules. And then Liv snorts next to her, and she realizes it is not just a thought.

She likes making Liv laugh, though. She’s gorgeous when she does, when her eyes sparkle and her lips curl into a smile to create the most beautiful sound Lanie’s ever heard. It’s even better when she doesn’t pretend, when her eyes fall shut and her head tilts back and she grins like nobody’s watching, and it’s breathless and melodious and if Lanie could play it on repeat every day she would for the rest of her life. It doesn’t happen often, but Lanie’s pretty damn funny. She’s heard it enough to make it count for something.

At some point in the process of being too gay about her friend’s laugh, she’s been handed off to said friend, Liv’s hand warm where it rests tentatively on her back. Lanie blinks up at her, which is also new — god, someone should teach Cara about platforms, or, like, inserts, or something — but also not a terrible thing. She kind of understands why girls go for taller guys.

“Wendell went to go get water,” Liv explains quietly.

Lanie stares at her, eyes no doubt strangely wide and pathetic if the way she feels is any indication, processing the information. Her brain is currently the equivalent of Internet Explorer right now, so it takes a moment, but eventually she nods, and Liv lets out a sigh of what might be relief.

“Anyone ever tell you you’re really pretty?” Lanie says suddenly, because she needs Liv to know, and sure, it’s a little weird saying it to Kingskin, but it feels like if she squints enough, tilts her head, she can almost see Liv herself in there. “Cause you are.”

Liv coughs, flushes a shade of red that only proves Lanie’s point. “Um. Thanks!” She sounds strained, but not upset. “You’re, uh. You too. You’re also… really pretty. And cool. And, uh.”

She cuts herself off, glances away, scratches her cheek. The words send a thrill up Lanie’s spine anyway.

There’s the hint of a smile on Liv’s face, though. Lanie tries not to think about that too hard before she spirals. It’s pretty simple — there’s a paper airplane flying out the window, and she slips out of Liv’s grip to follow it, ignoring her protests. Her brain tracks movement and bright colors and pretty much nothing else. It’s not entirely her fault for getting distracted.

Someone bumps into her, as to be expected in such a crowded building, but they seem to do a double take, which is less expected.

“La— Cara?” Russell’s voice says, distant, and Lanie turns to see Jennifer Drips, in all her glory. He stares at her in confusion, which slowly morphs into more concern than she thinks is warranted. “Are you… good?”

Why do people keep asking her that? “Feeling great,” she says, attempting to lean on the nearest table. There is no nearest table.

Russell catches her before she can completely tip over, sets her upright. “Lanie,” he says, worryingly serious, “what happened to you?”

She pauses. That is… a very good question, actually. “Uh. Wendell ‘n Liv—”

“Didn’t do anything,” Wendell interrupts out of nowhere, his voice at an octave she didn’t know voices could hit. “Nothing happened. She’s drunk.”

He passes her the water. She stares at the cup, then back up to him. Raises an eyebrow teasingly. Grins when he becomes obviously flustered.

“You do care,” she says smugly. It doesn’t come out as smooth as she would like, but it gets the point across.

“Yeah, well.” He gestures vaguely at nothing. “I’m going to go, uh. Talk to Liv. At the— at the blood rave. If you… wanted to come.”

Lanie considers this, deeper than perhaps the situation requires. She shakes her head. “I think— I’m gonna chill with Russell. We’re buddies. Besties. Pals. Uh.”

Wendell gives her a look she doesn’t think she could decipher if she were sober. “Right. Well, uh. Don’t die?” he offers. Glances up to Russell. “Please make sure she doesn’t die.”

“Sure thing,” Russell says, amused. “Have fun.”

“Love you!” Lanie calls at Wendell’s retreating figure. She turns back around before she can see him stumble so hard he nearly faceplants.

Russell definitely sees it, but doesn’t comment on it, just looks at Lanie, expectant and amused. “So, what did you say is happening with them?”

She lights up at that, grins, because she loves to gossip and she loves to talk about her friends. “They’re, like, making out in the blood rave or whatever. I dunno. So—”

“I’m sorry,” Russell interrupts, and he does genuinely look apologetic. Ignoring the fact he’s obviously trying not to laugh. “The what?”

“You know.” Lanie shrugs. They all know about the blood rave, duh. “The blood rave. I dunno. Not my business. They almost kissed, Russell. ‘N I was just kinda… there. In the middle.”

Rest in peace to Russell’s brain for trying to figure out what the fuck she’s talking about right now. Godspeed, soldier. She can see him connecting the dots, and waits patiently for him to do so — it’s not that complicated, really. Why is everyone so confused about all this?

“So— hang on.” Russell actually sits down on the ground, which is kind of weird considering how many chairs there are here, but Lanie just follows suit because standing is getting tiring, actually, and her feet are starting to hurt. “What do you mean in the middle?”

Lanie huffs petulantly, like a toddler. “We played craps, ‘n the french fry fucker had Wendell’s MacGuffin, so we bet on it, and it was either that or he ‘n Liv kissed. We… didn’t win. It was so bad, Russell.”

“The kiss?”

“No— well. Maybe?” She considers that, then shrugs. “I dunno. I wasn’t part of that. I was just… in the middle. Literally.”

Russell stares at her, Jennifer’s piercing gaze boring into her soul. She doesn’t entirely blame him, this time. Her brain was just as foggy in the moment.

“So no one actually kissed.” It’s a statement more than anything, as if he’s processing everything. “And you’re… okay with that?”

She shrugs again. “I like being the guy in the middle. ‘M not that worried about it.”

She’s surprised to find she really means it when she says it. Anyone with eyes can tell she’s absolutely down bad for her best friends slash coworkers slash multiple question marks at this point, but she’s genuinely never really expected it to go anywhere. Especially now that Liv seems to return Wendell’s feelings, even if she’s not completely aware of it herself. Sometimes Lanie uses the only two psychology classes she ever took for good.

Russell frowns, which confuses her, because she’s not upset about any of this. “But you’re into both of them.”

Jesus fuck, why is this a conversation she’s having with a coworker nearly thirty years older than her?

Because she’s drunk and no one else will listen to her, most likely. And anyway, Russell’s initiating at least seventy percent of it, so it’s not entirely her fault. Just mostly.

“‘S like… imagine a tricycle,” she says, only half sure of where the metaphor is going. “Three wheels. Two of them are in the front, and then there’s the one in the back. The two are like… bonded or whatever. Besties. Lovers. Worse. I dunno.

“You can’t get, like, stability without the third one, though,” she explains. Her eyes feel less dry than they were a minute ago, and when she reaches up to rub at them her hand comes back tear streaked. Huh. “It’s there for emotional support, or something. And it doesn’t mind being at the back, ‘cause how else do you get to see the other two?”

“That’s…” Russell trails off. “I don’t think tricycles are set up like that.”

Okay, so it’s not a perfect metaphor. Sue her.

Lanie groans, probably a little overdramatic. “Shut up, I’m making points. You get it.”

He smiles like he just might. “That makes a lot of sense, though, Lanie. I just think maybe you haven’t been paying close enough attention.”

And then, like he hasn’t just casually dropped a bombshell like that on her, he pats her shoulder before standing up and wandering off. She thinks she sees him with Usha, but she’s too busy staring at the ground and trying to refocus her brain as she runs through every interaction she’s ever had.

It doesn’t go well, not at the moment. Later, though — later, they’ll end up on a speedboat to the Amazon, and Lanie will squeeze herself between Liv and Paula and shiver in nothing but a tank top. Later, they’ll end up in Alaska first, and she’ll throw up off the side of the boat when Usha takes over driving, and Wendell will quietly confess that he and Liv didn’t kiss the night before.

Later, Liv will run off, and they’ll find out about Dave, and they’ll storm the White House when it flies away, and a million other things will happen that Lanie won’t comprehend at the time, much less afterwards.

Later — much, much later — they’ll have time. Time to choose, time to talk, time to figure things out.

For now, Lanie passes out in the middle of the floor until Dang nudges her awake with his foot and dreams about almost kisses that aren’t an almost.

[sapphichorsegirl]

I really need to make a fullbody drawing of my OC Paula/Hex

I don't know if I should make her originally from J19zeta7 since I'm shipping her with Doof, or if I should make it so somehow she ended up there from another universe

Most other versions of herself out there in the multiverse are calmer and actually go by Paula, Hex just goes by that nickname because she doesn't like her name and is edgy™

Regardless of her universe of origin, she's fully human (the "horns" are just her hair that got shaped that way)

Also, she'd mostly just look edgy, behaviorally, she'd be mostly docile unless she or someone she cares about gets threatened. She is however very energetic, I kinda imagine Doofus Rick working on his science while Hex is just having the zoomies in the background, maybe she'd even be playing tag with Eric-Stoltz-Mask Morty

(And yes, Hex is an adult, she's just a very caffeinated adult)

[the-rewatch-rewind]

An old movie with a very relevant name.

Script below the break.

Hello and welcome back to The Rewatch Rewind! My name is Jane, and this is the podcast where I count down my top 40 most frequently rewatched movies over the last 20 years. Today I will be discussing number 14 on my list: MGM’s 1944 psychological thriller Gaslight, directed by George Cukor, written by John Van Druten, Walter Reisch, and John L Balderston, based on the play by Patrick Hamilton, and starring Ingrid Bergman, Charles Boyer, and Joseph Cotten.

So first of all, if you’re thinking, “Gaslight? As in, to deny someone’s reality to the point that they can no longer trust their own perceptions?” then, yes, you’re absolutely correct: this movie (and the play it’s based on and the 1940 British film it’s a remake of) is where that term comes from. So I’m just going to give a blanket content warning for this whole episode: I will be talking a lot about psychological and emotional abuse. This is an incredibly well-made movie, which is why I keep revisiting it, but I recognize that not everybody is in the right place to hear stories about gaslighting, so please, take care of yourself, and skip this episode if you think it’s going to cause you distress.

That being said, I truly have no idea why “gaslighting” suddenly became a popular buzzword in the last 10 years or so, or how it has evolved to be misapplied to any form of lying. I’ve even heard people talk about how someone is “gaslighting” them when they merely disagree about something. So despite how incredibly dark and disturbing this movie is, I really think everyone should watch it, if for no other reason than to learn how to use the term correctly. But there’s obviously a lot more to it than that, which I will get into. But first, my traditional plot summary:

When her aunt and guardian, a famous opera star, is murdered in their London home, young Paula Alquist (Ingrid Bergman) is sent to Italy to train as a singer. Ten years later, she is swept off her feet by her new accompanist, Gregory Anton (Charles Boyer), and after knowing each other only two weeks, they get married. Though she is still haunted by her aunt’s unsolved murder, upon hearing that Gregory has always wanted to live in London, Paula suggests that they move into her old house. As they settle in, Gregory’s behavior gradually changes, and Paula begins to feel like she is losing her mind.

The main thing I remember about the first time I watched this movie was thinking it wasn’t a very good mystery, since it’s pretty obvious fairly early on who the bad guy is. But by the end it became clear that it was never meant to be a mystery, but rather a map of red flags to watch out for, as well as a surprisingly sympathetic portrayal of how easy it can be to ignore them until it’s too late. Or, I guess I should say, almost too late, since, spoiler alert: the movie does have a mostly happy ending. Anyway, I had never seen a movie like this before and it fascinated me. I watched it twice in 2003, once in 2004, once in 2006, once in 2007, twice in 2008, three times in 2012, once in 2013, once in 2014, twice in 2015, twice in 2016, once in 2017, once in 2018, once in 2020, twice in 2021, and once in 2022. I also saw the 1940 version once in 2006. I don’t remember much about it other than I thought it was pretty good, but the remake was better. And a big part of that is because of the cast of the remake. One of my 2015 views of the remake was part of my watching through Best Actress winners project because Ingrid Bergman won the first of her three Oscars for this film. Apparently at the time I ranked this performance as the 7th best to win that award, and now if anything I feel like that was too low. The more I rewatch this movie, the more impressed I am by what a difficult job she had and how thoroughly she crushed it.

Paula is an incredibly complex character who undergoes a significant emotional journey. At the beginning, though she’s definitely still haunted by the trauma of her youth, she’s mostly happy and hopeful and vivacious. And then all of that slowly dims as Gregory’s manipulations escalate, almost as if she is a gas light that he’s turning down. That’s not why the movie is called Gaslight, though; it’s called that because one of the early signs that something sketchy is going on is when Paula starts to notice lights dimming as if someone turned a new light on somewhere else in the house, but nobody else seems to notice this and she can’t find a good explanation for it. But watching Paula go from a lively, lovestruck newlywed to basically a zombie struggling to find a shred of reality she can trust also feels like watching a gas light flame go down. And it would have been so easy to either overdo or undersell this descent into confusion, but Ingrid Bergman perfectly balances every moment. You can see Paula starting to doubt herself more and more as her actions and words become more hesitant and her looks become more vague, until she begins to resign herself to the fact that Gregory must be right, she must be insane, there’s nothing more she can do. It’s so painful and heartbreaking that I desperately want to reach through the screen and comfort her and tell her what’s really going on. And then, just when I almost can’t stand it anymore, Joseph Cotten shows up to do that for me. He plays Inspector Brian Cameron of Scotland Yard, a childhood fan of Paula’s aunt who happens to see Paula one of the few times she’s out with Gregory in London, which leads him to reopen the cold case of her aunt’s murder and figure out what’s going on just in time to help Paula. The implication that Paula needs a man to rescue her is one thing I don’t love about this movie, but at the same time I think it’s important to acknowledge that Gregory was so effective at – for lack of a better term – gaslighting her that she could not have escaped that situation without help.

Not to take any of the credit away from Bergman for her stellar performance, but I do think it helped that George Cukor was the director. Longtime listeners may recognize his name from Holiday, which was number 33 on this list, and Adam’s Rib, which was number 27, both of which have significantly lighter tones. Gaslight feels much more like an Alfred Hitchcock picture than a George Cukor one. Cukor apparently didn’t like being referred to as a “woman’s director,” but he had a reputation for his ability to coax great performances out of actresses, and this is certainly no exception. In order to help Bergman keep track of Paula’s gradual descent toward madness while shooting out of order, Cukor would tell her the whole plot up to the scenes they were filming each day, which Bergman initially resented, but then he stopped doing it for a few days and she realized how helpful it had been, and they went back to doing it that way. I do think Ingrid Bergman would have been great in this role regardless of who the director was, but George Cukor helped elevate her to the best she could possibly be.

While Bergman’s performance is far and away my favorite aspect of this movie, the rest of the cast is also phenomenal, albeit rather small. It definitely has that based-on-a-play feel of limited locations and few characters, although that also works very well with the story. Part of Gregory’s strategy is to cut Paula off from the rest of the world so she won’t have a safety net. Consequently, for most of the film she only interacts with him and their two servants: the kind but mostly-deaf cook, Elizabeth, played by Barbara Everest, and the saucy, flirtatious maid, Nancy, played by none other than 18-year-old Angela Lansbury in her film debut, both of whom are absolutely perfect in their roles. I love Everest’s delivery of “I see just how it is” when Gregory is trying to keep Elizabeth on his side without realizing that she’s always been firmly on Paula’s. And Lansbury embodies the exact attitude required for Nancy: flirtatious toward Gregory, disdainful toward Paula, totally oblivious to how she’s being manipulated until the end – all conveyed with every look she gives and line she speaks as if she’s a veteran actor. It comes as absolutely no surprise that she went on to have such a long and successful career, with this as her first screen performance. She was even nominated for an Oscar! And then there’s the neighbor Miss Thwaites, played by Dame May Whitty, who adds some much-needed levity with her “diggy biscuits” and morbid curiosity about the house in her square where there was a “real murder!” Joseph Cotten’s role is honestly pretty bland – kind of the film noir version of a classic Disney prince, in a way – but he makes the most of it. And then there’s Charles Boyer, giving one of the best creepy villain performances I’ve ever seen, which was also Oscar-nominated. He starts out just sort of vaguely unsettling, raising one or two red flags right off the bat, but like, he could still be okay, and then by the end he is full-on terrifying. He has this amazing stone-faced look that makes your blood run cold. There’s this one moment in particular, kind of toward the middle, when Miss Thwaites and Inspector Cameron (posing as her nephew) have tried to visit them, and Gregory tells Nancy to send them away. Paula wanted to let them in but he freaked out so she backed down, and then after Nancy leaves she again says she wanted to see them, and he’s like, “Oh, why didn’t you say so?” and it makes me want to scream. Then he tells her she didn’t have time to see them because they’re going out to the theater, and Paula’s like, “I didn’t know that…or did I forget?” and Gregory, facing the camera with his back to her, opens his mouth to respond, and then stops and waits for her to dwell on that for a few more seconds before he tells her that no, this is a surprise, and both his face and her face are so perfect there, I love it and hate it so much. Like, I love it from a “this movie is so well acted” perspective, and I hate it from a “this character is a horrible human being” perspective. And then Paula gets overly happy, since she’s been trapped in the house for so long that him letting her go out seems like a wonderful gift. But then he “notices” that a picture is missing from the wall, and makes her think she hid it, and they end up not going out because she’s “too unwell.”

That’s the main way he manipulates her: by moving things and making it look like she took them. What’s particularly interesting about the way the movie shows this is we never actually see Gregory taking any of the things, but it is nevertheless clear that he has been. But he is so insistent that she’s doing it that we can easily believe that Paula wouldn’t suspect him, or that if she did, she would have significant doubts. And even if she did figure it out, it’s not like there’s anything she can do about it. She’s in London for the first time in a decade, she doesn’t know anyone, she doesn’t have anywhere to go, and she’s not sure she can trust her own mind. And I think it’s so important that the movie at no point faults her for ending up in that situation or for not being able to leave. The movie also gives no indication that Gregory is physically harming Paula, but leaves the audience in no doubt that he is an abusive husband. And I feel like the messages that abuse doesn’t have to be physical and that it’s never the victim’s fault are still too rare in media today, let alone nearly 80 years ago. I feel like back then most unhealthy relationships in movies were in the His Girl Friday vein of “they’re kind of both abusing each other so it’s fine” or would find other ways for excusing or explaining the abusive behavior, like “the abuser was drunk” or “the victim was asking for it” or what have you. And if they weren’t like that, the victim usually ended up dead. In Gaslight, Gregory has no excuse. I mean, he does have a reason, but it’s a terrible reason that in no way justifies his actions. And Paula not only survives, but also gets an incredibly satisfying confrontation with Gregory after Brian and another policeman have tied him up. When the police leave them alone together, Gregory pleads with her to get a knife and cut him free, and for a moment you think she’s actually going to help him, but she gets her revenge by pretending she can’t find the knife and saying she’s too insane to help him, forcing him to admit that he has lied to her and she isn’t actually mad. And she wraps up her great payback with: “If I were not mad, I could have helped you. Whatever you had done, I could have pitied and protected you. But because I am mad, I hate you. Because I am mad, I have betrayed you. And because I'm mad, I'm rejoicing in my heart, without a shred of pity, without a shred of regret, watching you go with glory in my heart!” So she turns his gaslighting around on him, and it’s amazing. Although I must admit that right after that when she cries, “Mr. Cameron! Take this man away!” is the one part when I feel like Ingrid Bergman overdoes it just a little bit and gets too melodramatic, but after everything Paula has been through, she deserves as many melodramatic moments as she wants.

I would prefer it if the movie didn’t conclude with the implication that Paula is going to end up romantically involved with Brian, but again, she deserves all the happiness she can get, and if that’s what’s going to make her happy, I’m all for it. And I guess we can claim Miss Thwaites as aroace representation, since she seems to be an old maid with no interest in romance. This movie also speaks to my aromanticism and asexuality in a different, unique way. Because to a certain extent, being aroace in an allonormative, amatonormative society kind of feels like the entire world is gaslighting you. Of course, I don’t mean to imply that my experiences have been anywhere near as horrendous as someone like Paula’s – having your reality cruelly and intentionally twisted by a partner is on an entirely different level from not quite fitting in with the dominant culture’s concept of reality. Still, being constantly bombarded with the message that all mature humans frequently experience sexual and romantic attraction, and that a universal top life goal is to find a partner you’re attracted to that way, when you don’t feel those attractions and don’t desire that kind of partner, is incredibly confusing and disorienting. Once you become an adult, or even a teenager, people start giving you knowing looks when they hear you’ve been hanging out with a friend one-on-one, especially if that friend happens to be of the opposite sex. And you don’t think you like any of your friends “that way” but you also don’t really know what liking someone “that way” feels like so you start to think maybe you don’t know your own feelings. And if you’re lucky, your brain subconsciously decides that you do have crushes like a normal person, they’re just always on movie stars, most of whom are dead, which you realize is weird, but it’s an understandable kind of weird. Nobody believes you when you say you don’t have a crush on anybody, but if you show them a picture of Cary Grant and say, “I have a crush on him,” that makes sense to them. And so you end up becoming convinced that you’re experiencing types of attraction that you’re not, to the point that when you first hear about asexuality you don’t even consider the possibility that it could describe you. And of course, when I say “you” I mean “me”; I can’t speak for all aroaces, although I do think most of us experience some form of that confusion before we figure out that our identity exists. I feel like there’s a relatively widespread perception that aromantic and/or asexual people are just single allos who want to feel special by giving themselves a label, but for me, the opposite is true. Using the aroace label makes me feel less special, because now I know there are other people out there like me, after spending so much time trying to play along with the attraction I thought I was supposed to be feeling. It’s honestly been kind of difficult to unlearn this, to teach myself how to even recognize, let alone trust, what I’m actually feeling versus the socially acceptable way to be feeling about other people.

It’s weird because, looking back, it’s so obvious to me that I was faking crushes, that I was just parroting things I’d heard when I talked about them, that I was just smiling and nodding when people would say things like, “Isn’t that person hot?” But at the time, I absolutely could not admit that, even to myself, because I felt like, in order to be human, I must be experiencing what I’d been led to believe were universal human emotions that went along with sexual and romantic attraction. Back in 2013 I blogged about all the movies I’d seen at least 10 times in 10 years, and I just re-read my post about Gaslight, in which I apparently wrote that I found Joseph Cotten attractive in this movie. I don’t remember thinking or writing that, but I’m sure if I’d been asked to elaborate, I would have said I thought he was hot or whatever, even though I absolutely did not, I just thought I was supposed to. I wasn’t consciously lying; I had become convinced that I felt things I didn’t. Although, now that I think about it, maybe I really was attracted to him, not sexually or romantically, but in terms of the way his character functions in the story. I desperately needed someone to show up and tell me that the problem wasn’t with my mind and provide me with some key information I was missing that would explain what was going on, just like Brian does for Paula. Again, her experience was much more horrifying than mine, but learning that some people are aromantic and asexual, that not feeling those kinds of attraction is perfectly normal for those people, was almost as revelatory to me as learning that her husband killed her aunt and was trying to drive her mad was to Paula. Maybe it sounds like I’m the one being melodramatic now, but I don’t know how else to explain how messed up it is to spend decades convincing yourself and everyone else that you’re feeling things you’re not, and what a relief it is to learn that you were right all along and can finally take the mask off. And that’s why I’ve been focusing so much on looking at movies from an aromantic and asexual perspective on this podcast. Because I don’t want anyone else to go through all that. I want everyone to know that amatonormativity and allonormativity are lies, both because I want people on the aromantic and/or asexual spectrums to understand themselves sooner than I understood myself, and because I want alloromantic, allosexual people to know that not everyone is like them. I don’t blame the allo people I was surrounded with for perpetuating these norms because they didn’t know better. I know they weren’t really trying to gaslight me. But I would like to live in a society where most people do know better.

Anyway, I appreciate this movie for understanding me in ways that I couldn’t articulate until recently. But that’s far from the only reason it’s this high on my list. Again, I truly cannot overemphasize how phenomenal the acting is. Ingrid Bergman was always wonderful, but she took it to a whole other level here, and the rest of the cast were similarly at the top of their game. I never get tired of watching them act together, particularly when I’m in the mood for something a little darker. Like the other Ingrid Bergman movie I talked about, Notorious, I’m not sure whether Gaslight “counts” as film noir, because it has some of the typical noir tropes but lacks other important ones. But from a lighting and cinematography perspective, it definitely feels like a noir, so if you enjoy that style, you’ll probably appreciate this movie. It was nominated for a total of seven Oscars, including Best Picture, Screenplay, and Black-and-White Cinematography, in addition to the three acting nominations I mentioned earlier for Bergman, Boyer, and Lansbury. The only Oscar it won besides Best Actress was for Art Direction, which is something I don’t generally pay a ton of attention to, but the set is particularly important in Gaslight. The house almost functions as a character: it’s Gregory’s accomplice in torturing Paula, and the increasingly cluttered look of the rooms helps emphasize the way it’s trapping her. And, of course, there are the real, vintage gasoliers that give the movie its title and add greatly to its mood. So both of this movie’s Oscars were thoroughly deserved.

Thank you for listening to me discuss another of my most frequently rewatched films. This wraps up the 4-way tie of movies I saw 22 times from 2003 through 2022. I wonder how many other people out there have watched Beauty and the Beast, A Mighty Wind, His Girl Friday, and Gaslight the same number of times in the last 20 years. Anyway, I didn’t watch any movies exactly 23 times, so next up is the only one I watched 24 times, which is also one that I have a LOT of feelings and personal stories about, so stay tuned for what I’m sure will be a particularly long and rambling episode that I hope will be fun to listen to. As always, I will leave you with a quote from that next movie: “I don’t need to act things out in order to write them. I have what we like to call an ‘imagination.’ Have you ever heard of that? Oh, no no no no no, please tell us more about the old man… and the boat.”

[stillhavetodothat]

Replaying Nancy Drew without Cheating - Part 7: The Haunted Carousel

Ah, yes, a game that I rarely even think about when considering the Nancy Drew universe as a whole. I didn’t even know Ingrid Corey’s name was Ingrid Corey when I first sat down to play this game. I didn’t remember Miles the Magnificent Memory Machine. In fact, this is having me question if I have ever actually finished the game in the first place, because aside from who the culprit was, I didn’t remember a thing about that ending. The last scene was just a lot of clicking around in blind hope, trying not to die. Unfortunately, this meant that I got to see a whole lot of this face.

Honestly, thank god I didn’t ever finish this one as a kid, because that face would have given me more nightmares than Joseph’s in FIN (and that already scared me shitless enough).

But anyway. CAR. And not cheating when playing it. I was able to move through the story pretty quickly, without getting stuck, until I had to play the harmonica for MtMM. I played those 6 notes over and over again, and he kept telling me to try again. I was getting ready to throw my laptop in a rage. Eventually when I went away, talked to some other people, and returned, I was able to replay the 6 notes and he finally accepted the answer. This had to have either been a bug, or it was set up in such a way that I couldn’t move on to solving the riddle unless I had had another conversation first? I don’t know. Either way, that was maybe the most frustrating moment in my entire journey so far, and the one I was most willing to risk my no-cheating streak for. BUT ALAS, I prevailed!

Some thoughts about this game:

1. Why does the location suck so bad? This game is about a theme park, but you can only go to a few attractions inside the park, a couple stuffy offices, and the butt-ugly hotel room across the street. Herein starts the trend of games where very little wandering takes place. Obviously other games have maps with marked locations on them, but they also have an entire museum, an entire soap opera set, or a huge forest and underground tunnels to explore. Idk, this game felt slightly claustrophobic to me for some reason. And I would have loved to be able to wander through the park itself to feel a little bit more immersed. Missed opportunity.

I will say that this hotel room captures the feel of New Jersey perfectly, though.

2. For a game whose namesake is a “haunted carousel,” we see very little haunting and honestly very little carousel. Half the game is running around solving convoluted riddles for a helpless Joy, and the other is doing Ingrid’s job for her, leaving very little time for much else.

3. Speaking of Ingrid, why on earth is an engineer asking me, an 18-year-old stranger, to fix circuitry and program software updates? And some of her passive aggressive comments (”It isn’t exactly rocket science,” “He’s not exactly a mechanical genius,” and “You can check in the binder if it’s too cryptic for you”) made her a VERY unpleasant suspect. Being a park engineer is YOUR job, girl, not mine. However, she IS the most beautiful suspect in the games so far. LOOK at her bone structure.

4. For some reason, I remember the burning-down-the-hotel thing as an explosion, where you get to see the entire hotel get engulfed in violent flames as you stand outside in horror. I mean, getting the call from Paula Santos is good and all, but it was disappointing when I was gearing up to see some serious destruction (I even left the iron on, on purpose, just to see it).

5. I felt like Nancy was particularly annoying in this game. She hears Harlan is an ex-con, and immediately tries to get him fired over it (extremely anti-woke of her...why have I never realized how terrible she really is?). Instead of ordering a soft drink with her burger, she ordered a tall glass of milk (barf). Half the time she pronounces carousel “carouSEL,” which irked me for no reason at all. Obviously Joy and Ingrid were battling for the Most Annoying Character award this game, but seems like Nancy decided to throw her hat in the ring, too.

6. I was about to shit all over Nancy for being a hude nerd and thinking finding a book on carousels was “cool,” but then I read it and was actually enthralled. I even read some tidbits of information to my fiance, and he was also fascinated, and even asked some follow-up questions (very detective of him!). So I will apologize to Nancy for that, but only that!

7. The first game where Nancy has a cell phone! Hilarious that she has to pull out her blank notepad and a pencil for every single impromptu call, but at least we are spared running back to a specific room just to make a phone call. AND, we get to answer phone calls in this game, too, not just make them! So futuristic.

8. This is also the first game where you have to actually get information from one of your regular phone contacts (Bess, George, Ned) in order to move forward in the game. I have been generally avoiding calling any of those contacts throughout these play-throughs, since it is mostly just recapping stuff I’ve already done. This left me racking my brain trying to remember where we are supposed to learn about shorthand to translate the Glory note, thinking it was in a book somewhere, when really it really required a phone call to Bess all along.

9. This is also the first playthrough of this game where I actually got to mention the Poppy Dada piece to Elliott, and hear him say that she thinks he is hot (she ain’t wrong). I love discovering new experiences in older games, and love when games make references to games that preceded them.

10. This picture of Mike DeSalle and K.J. Perris is the best part of the game, hands down. The hair! The mustache! The crossed eyes! The awkward holding of the jewelry!

11. Not to brag or anything, but I managed to beat Barnacle Blast the first time through. Not sure how this is even possible, since I have been dreading that very game since I started STFD. I must be getting more dexterous in my old age.

I know I just bitched about CAR for several paragraphs there, but I did enjoy playing it. The ending was actually really great, and it made sense when you think about other clues that were pointing to it the entire game (the fact that Elliott kept calling me “Nance” was suspicious on its own - you can never trust anyone who gets too friendly. See: Lisa, Joe). This is Nancy Drew, so any and every game is a treat for me. Even if I have complaints.

Never been so excited to get out of New Jersey. Onward and upwards to the PNW, and one of my favorite games of all time!

[pbandjesse]

We are in Uganda! My body is a little confused sleepiness wise, but I am in a great mood. I think for this week I'm just going to write when I have downtime throughout the day, and post before bed. But that way I'm not forgetting anything and also not having to sit and write for an hour when I'm presumably tired from all the activities.

And while there are lots of things, we have been told that this is a place where things move slower, and to expect that. Which is fine with me, I have no real plan or schedule. I just want to have some experiences. Whatever that means.

I was able to get some sleep last night on the plane but after I did my post on our layover on Rwanda I was mostly awake. Our party was playing a card game during the layover and being a little loud and the woman in front of me and James was so mad about it. Like we get it, were all tired, but this is the last stretch and we will need to wake up a bit.

It's a little funny though that it's just so clear how American we are. I was worried about being to much but everyone in this group is so loud and boisterous and happy. Once we finally touched down in Uganda everyone was clapping and cheering and we got some looks. But we were just so happy to be off the plane.

My first impression of Uganda was humid but sweet smelling. It was a cool humid. Like I was still hot but it was with an undercurrent of coolness.

We got all gathered before we headed to immigration. It was very warm in that room but I was in a good mood. I was gross and very very ready to get to our room and get a shower. But that would come in time. First we had to get our visas approved.

The man who did mine was very nice. I was not prepared to have my picture taken but I didnt look to crazy. I was surprised that it is a whole sticker with my face on it inside my passport. But still very neat.

Once I was through I went to collect me and James's suitcases. Which thankfully made it without damage. They were slightly wet from the rain but I was just glad they were here safe. Everyone else would slowly trickle in and get their luggage. And they were all loud and excited. Clapping for us as we started coming through. The staff seemed a little shocked. Probably a combination of how early it was but also just being Americans. I texted Jess that everyone knew we were Americans and she said "the horror" which like. Yes. Embarrassing. Being known!

We would all have to get together to get on the little bus that Paul and Sam had coordinated. We got to meet Sam's uncle Joe who seems super nice. Everyone so far we have met has lovely smiles. I just want to make friends with everyone.

When we got outside my first big impression was that it is humid and smells nice. It was 430 am and I was having fun talking to Paula's sister Sydney about how me and James were able to bring so little bags. Everyone else has huge huge suitcases. I am always proud of how little I pack. It's a point of pride. Though now that we are in the country I do wish I had some different shoes. But shoes are always a struggle for me in travel. But everything else is perfect. And it was fun to discuss.

Getting all 19 of us on this little bus with the suitcases though just straight up wasn't going to happen. So uncle Joe would take all the carry ons and the big luggage would travel on the bus and we were able to squeeze everyone on. And we began the 40 minute drive to the resort.

We got to see interesting things right away. There is huge jackfruit growing all over. The buildings we saw were made of a late of tin and there are a lot of fences and security around things like the schools. We saw some stray dogs. Seeing vendors starting to set up for their day. I wanted to eat all of the foods. I was very excited to try as much as I can.

The drive was nice. We had the windows open. The breeze was great. And there was a lot of chatting and laughing and being silly. We were all so excited to go get clean and get some rest.

When we finally arrived the van struggled to get up the hill. We all were joking about having to lean into it or we would have to get out and push. But we made it there! And then through security.

We got all of our bags scanned. And then we were inside. It was so pretty! We had to give them out passports and visas to check in but we would get them back with our room keys. We had to wait about a half hour but we were all just chilling. Watching breakfast get set up. And discussing the day. We were all excited to hear new bird songs! As the world was waking up it was just so fun hearing birds we have never heard before.

We got our room key and James tried to lead the way but we went the completely wrong way. Oops. So we went back down and one of the staff walked us to our building which was a little down the way. And it was beautiful.

The room was not layed out the way I had pictured but not in a bad way. We have a balcony!! I am so excited about that. And the view is incredible. Like I am blown away. We can see Lake Victoria and some houses and trees and hills and I was just. Absolutely blown away.

We waited until our bags were delivered to take showers. But man was a shower amazing. I got my hair damp to put more conditioner in because the humidity is making me very fluffy. But I know I will just have to accept some amount of fluffy. I did bring my hot brush but I'm not to worried.

We finished getting dressed. Bug spray. Sun screen. And then breakfast!

We headed downstairs and others from our group were there. And I was excited to try things. Buffet was the best idea.

I want to try all the juices. Today I tried watermelon juice which was very nice. I got scrambled egg whites and their local potatoes which were fabulous. I tried a potato curry too which was great with the eggs. I did not like the roasted tomato but jersey tomatoes spoil me for most other tomatoes. I got to try watermelon yogurt which was great. I also tried a passion fruit and papaya. They were fine. But my favorite was the tree tomatoes. I had 4 of them. They tasted like really lovely sour candy. Incredible.

After breakfast we would go look at the plants and bugs. I took some pictures. But then we headed back to the room to rest.

We didn't plan on sleeping but we would sleep until almost 230 in the afternoon. And I was worried that it will mess up the sleep schedule later but this would be fine and was actually a really lovely sleep.

When we woke up I was in a good mood. The general plan was to meet the group at 4 to go to Sam's parents. But that would get moved to 7. So we had time to chill.

First we would stop at another room so James could get measured. I chatted with Uncle Joe and he laughed when I said how beautiful everything is and he was like you haven't even seen anything yet! But I did see the biggest snail I have ever seen in my life so I was still riding that high.

We went for a walk around the gardens. I would point out every bug and bird and small critters I could see. We found more jackfruit. And walked through the playground which has a full trampoline??? We would head down to the gift course, not quite on the lake but closer then we had been. I am just constantly amazed at how beautiful it is here. I can't wait to see more.

We joined friends at the bar and we're all fascinated by the conversion rate. My Pepsi with 8000 shillings! I hope to get some money to bring home as souvenirs. A lot of places will take us dollars and give you back Ugandan change but the dollars have to be nice and not torn or ugly.

Everyone here is so beautiful so far. The fabrics and cuts and everything has been so neat to see. I just want to people watch. And we would get those chances.

After we left the bar we wandered a little longer. And went back to our room to change into our nicer outfits. We would go and hang out in the atrium for a bit. James read on their tablet. I worked on some embroidery. Chatting and people watching. Paul's parents would come down and Paul Sr would show us some of the beautiful pictures he took this morning. We are all just having such a lovely time so far.

Me and James came back to the room and set up on the balcony. I cut more bracelet string. They read. We keep going "woah!!!" Whenever a bird flys by. And now we are heading to find the group again for the welcome party!

It actually took a while to get everyone together to leave for the party. We would meet everyone at the bar. Where I was invited to take shots but I declined. I still enjoyed saying shots shots shots.

It was a bit like herding cats. We would end up in someone's room pregaming and laughing. It has been really nice to be with the girls. I really like them. They are all so pretty and cool. And it's just been so nice talking to them.

When we finally found Paul and Sam and everyone was gathered we would get on the bus. One of the boys was almost left behind but he hustled and we were off to the compound.

And when Sam said compound she meant compound. We would drive through a market, almost all of the trip here was on dirt roads. It was fascinating. More tin buildings. Lots of people. Markers and children and dogs and so many motorcycles. The aspects of poverty are here, and from an anthropology angle it's fascinating, from a human angle I am not sure how to talk about it. I don't want to come across as patronizing, but I'm observing as an outsider from a place of privilege. I am fascinated by the society we have seen. It feels so far removed and different that I am just taking everything in best I can.

We started arriving at the compound and we were all surprised by how bumpy the roads were and that the tall concrete walls had barbed wire on the top. Someone made a comment about is it to keep people in or out? And how it is a little painful to see people have to fear their own community. But once we were past the gate we were in a paradise again.

It's dark out so we can't see to much of the grounds but the house Sam's parents have built is incredible. It's all clean lines and arches and lights. And as soon as we got here (after taking our shoes off to leave outside) we were greeted with hugs. And everyone has been so lovely.

Drinks and dancing and music and laughing. I got to give Sam's family the bracelets I made for them. And I have had some wonderful talks. Everyone is drinking and so happy and it's great. I am so happy for Sam and Paul. And the beautiful families they are bringing together. Like I could cry I am so happy for them.

And tonight has been so fun. I obviously did not eat the meat but James said it was amazing. One of the guys, Gabe, said it was incredible and James thought they were exaggerating but they were not. Everything I did have was so good. More potatoes and a slaw that was red and a salsa and avocado and naan. I also tried the papaya juice and it was all so fresh tasting. I would have liked a sauce of some kind because I like dips but I was still enjoying it so much.

I have been trying to just be very present. But as people are chilling and the dancing has calmed down (I was enjoying dancing too!!) and the speaker just died I wanted to get this finished up. I am not sure when the night will be over. But I'm really happy. This first day was so good. I can't wait to see what tomorrow is like.

I love you all. Until next time! Goodnight!

[twiggyrogue]

Crazy Ex Girlfriend reading that no one has asked for but I've been thinking about it! but it's about whats up with the songs that Rebecca isn't present for (and some solos that she is but that just makes it confusing)! Because there's a lot of different interpretations of it, and I want to just put out mine

For me, the songs that Rebecca isn't there for aren't in her head, they are in the singers' minds. In the world of the show, especially with songs like "Hey West Covina," "Thought Bubbles," "I Go to the Zoo," (and plenty more), Rebecca absolutely doesn't know the inner thoughts being shared in those numbers. We know she is still projecting onto them from other songs from around those times- "Settle for Me", "Ping Pong Girl", "Strip Away My Conscious" (the first two are putting words in other character's mouths, the third spells out her impression of him pretty clear.) Rebecca doesn't know their struggles, that's why they are singing them to us, the viewers!

They're singing because it's the language that the show, "Crazy Ex Girlfriend" uses to share large emotions and inner thoughts. Yes, it's also the diegetic way Rebecca sees the world, but since her POV is the primary view the show, that's how the viewpoint remains. Despite this, even though Becks is the main character, CXG still goes out of its way to develop and explore character when they are outside of her, to show that none of them are exactly perfect narrators.

I think saying that Rebecca is the one choreographing their personal vignettes- retroactively, after she learns about them- weakens them and puts too many filters over the ideas in the songs. Because then it makes every song actually about what she thinks someone's breakthrough is about. Lets be real, she never had and will never have enough thoughts about George to formulate "George's Turn."

If this was a much more experimental show- which, it already is, but even moreso than normal- everyone would have their own interpretations of their psyche, like Nathaniel's romcom episode. Like, say for "Trapped in a Car" maybe Rebecca is singing in her head, but Paula is imagining a really shitty filler part in a romance novel where the side character she does not care about has way too many lines. They'd be saying the same thing in different mediums, but in the show, they just converge into one song.

CXG is musical comedy, written by comedic musicians and sold with the idea that each episode has a song. And as a medium, musicals are fundamentally fantastic at doing this introspective character work! The changing of genres for certain characters is already an insight on how to read them, which makes it a joy to analyze. It's a format that really, really works for a show that wants viewers to empathize with everybody in the cast. The show needs to use "Rebecca's worldview" on other characters because that's the kind of show it is!

imo it's such a neat move that the writers decided to explore how the introspective and emotional medium of musicals could work as a coping mechanism and I love it! But, if anything, making the main character literally have vivid mental music numbers does confuse the use of them in any other place when they're played more narratively straight lol

[snobgoblin]

Since nobody else is doing it 1, 8, and 9

x yes thank you for enabling my tirades

1. the character everyone gets wrong?

ohhhhh you guys know who I'm gonna say I've ranted about this 47281992494 times and by ranted I mean thrown a hissy fit so I actually WONT say Ace this time even though definitely Ace anyway Noodle I think is one a lot of people get wrong. not to be biased but twirls hair Autumn writes the best Noodle

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about?

-Paula is a slut <- this is just misogyny genuinely. why does Paula get so much hate and Murdoc doesn't when they did the exact same thing? I know it's partly "we didn't get to see her that much and get to know her" but if that's the case why are you hating so severely on someone that barely even showed up unless you're unreasonably angry with them because of some biases hmmmm

-Russel is The Normal One <- there isn't a normal one and he's just as insane as the rest of them he's just quiet so it's harder to tell

-Noodle has to baby the band and take care of them <- this one's just annoying they're full grown ass adults and they've been taking care of themselves and of her for years. this just seems like you're taking the woman character and slotting her into the role of mother and that's yucky (don't use "Noodle brings 2-D tea" as an excuse for this one that's completely normal behavior and doesn't indicate she mothers them)

I'll add on more later if I think of them

9. worst part of canon?

hmmmmm I can't think of any specific event right now but I hate how flaky they can be sometimes you know? they hype things up and then don't follow through and then it makes me not even wanna care because what's the point of getting excited if you're just going to be disappointed? and also the inconsistencies specifically Cyborg Noodles 48290293948 different endings can be frustrating but that's definitely manageable at least there's something to play with and mystery can be fun. you know what isn't fun. being told somethings going to happen and then it doesn't happen. and Ace Brain speaking again I hate how they just kinda say things and then don't elaborate on them like "Ace is taking time off to write his memoirs" can we see some? no. "Ace is in the bunker" any clue when he's getting out? no. guess he'll just suffer forever. also another example is with Russel like they said he wrote an album himself after Noodle left and then we didn't get to hear any of it. I would've liked to. it's just a matter of a lot of cool ideas not being acted on and that's fine I guess but it leaves me feeling empty sometimes

[takingstockofwhatmattersmost]

15 questions 15 tags

I was tagged by @definegodlinessto answer 15 questions. Thanks, Mark! I should also tag 15 people, but I am tagging everyone! Yes, everyone in all of tumblrland!

1. Are you named after anyone? There's no famous "Kevin" that I can think of off the top of my head, so I'm going with the standard answer. My middle name is the same as my Dads... Yeah, I don't like that answer, so I was named after Kevin Hart!

2. When was the last time you cried? Never...I last cried never.

3. Do you have kids? Only 4 of them little bastages! Ok, I MIGHT care about them a little. Ok, there I said it.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Do you EVEN know me????

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people? By people I'm assuming you mean beautiful women? I notice everything about those people. I notice absolutely NOTHING about anyone else. Meh...

6. What’s your eye colour? My eye "color" (sonofa, in today's day and age...really??) is green like Ireland's grasslands...

7. Scary movie or happy ending? Scary happy endings.

8. Any special talents? NSFW...

9. Where were you born?

I was born to do Something No one's ever done, No one's ever done before I was born to go Somewhere No one's ever gone, No one's ever gone before Oh

A slice of the moon is my patch of green I don't want a ticket to the same routine I want to see the sights unseen I want the extraordinary Everybody's waking to the same clock I could never be another chip off the block

*Song Lyrics by HANSON

10. What are your hobbies? Family, words in winter, song in summer, painting with thick oils on tuat canvas', Dimples of Venus, the hollow of her collarbones that collect sweet nectar.

11. Do you have any pets? Zephyr the Australian Sheppard, Nestle the chocolate lab, Oreo the demon cat.

12. What sports do you play/have you played? Football (the American kind), baseball, basketball, soccer (the rest of the world kind), wiffleball, tennis, badminton, UNO, Phase 10, duck duck goose...

13. How tall are you? 6'2" ladies...and gentlemen

14. Favourite subject in school? Paula

15. Dream job? What is this Job word???

[rosielou94]

By Candlelight - Father Rudra Khatri x Fem!Reader - NSFW

Warnings: No plot, just porn - +18

Follow Up to Long Lonely Nights

A/N: I smashed out this story in an hour. This man has a hold on me that I simply cannot explain

The lights in the church were low, the flickering of the candle flames against the wall casting a golden glow that enveloped you in their warmth. There was no tapping on the windows tonight, the Creatures deciding to toy with another household this evening.

The night was quiet, the silent stillness broken only by the moans of Father Rudra Khatri. He sat splayed in the front pew of his church, his head tipped back and mouth slack. His jeans were pulled down by his ankles, his light blue shirt unbuttoned and hanging off his shoulders. You knelt between his legs, your head on his left thigh as your index finger trailed a line along the inside of his right thigh. Every now and again, you’d look up at him, your fist gently closed around his hard cock as you pumped up and down his length.

The man was a whining, needy mess, his moans growing louder the closer to the edge he got. “Please,” he whispered, as you lazily flicked your tongue over the tip of his shaft, enjoying the reaction you got. His pleas were replaced by a gravelly moan as you took his full length in your mouth, your fingers squeezing into his thighs. Rudra arched his back, the legs of the chair he was sitting on scraping against the stone floor. His hands gently held either side of your head, still too timid to take control, but also enjoying the fact he was completely at your mercy. He watched as your head bobbed, your mouth struggling to take in his length. You moaned as your fingers slipped into your underwear, desperate the quell the ache between your legs.

Rudra so badly wanted to touch you, to taste you, to feel you quiver beneath his touch. He couldn’t get enough of you; you were like the best kind of drug. “I need to touch you,” he pleaded through gritted teeth, the sight of you pleasuring yourself the most blissful kind of torture. “The quicker you cum, the quicker you get to touch me,” you teased, releasing him from your mouth with a pop, before wrapping your fist around his length again. He watched as you used your hands to pleasure yourself and him, and he closed his eyes as he listened to you moan softly, imagining that he was sliding into you, giving himself over to you completely.

With a cry, Rudra came, his hot seed leaking across his stomach and down your hand. He pulled you onto his lap, your lips crashing together in a heated kiss. “I’m ready,” he whispered, peppering your face and neck with hurried kisses. “Are you sure?” you asked, your fingertips entwining around his hair as he kissed down your body. “Yes, yes, I need you,” Rudra pleaded. “Then you have me,” you smiled, giggling as he swooped you up in his arm and headed for his bedroom.

It had been two weeks since the night you’d fallen in the forest and Rudra Khatri had saved you. Every night since then, you’d spent in the church together, just the two of you. You stayed up most of the night, talking and kissing until Rudra was ready for more. For the first few days you’d made up excuses about why you were staying in the Church, and not in the house you shared with Paula and Reggie. Most people saw straight through the excuses though, they knew you two had feelings even before you knew. The Townspeople politely played ignorant, not wanting to spoil whatever it was that was blossoming between you and the Priest.

The first time you’d taken Rudra into your mouth, he was sure he’d died and that this was heaven. You’d undressed in front of him, his eyes taking in every single perfect inch of your body in the candlelight. You assured him you’d take it as slow as he wanted, and he had every intention of doing so, but as the nights went on, he found that he wanted to give himself to you. You were a beautiful, funny, kind and perfect gift sent straight from God and he wanted all of you. Every single night, you’d taught him things about his body, showed him pleasure he hadn’t even known was possible. As much as he loved being touched by you, he loved touching you even more. The feeling of your soft skin beneath his fingers, the shuddering moans that left your lips when he slid his fingers inside of you. He loved having you lie on his bed, cheeks flushed and fists gripping the sheets as he explored you. The sounds of ecstasy when he found the perfect spot with his fingers and tongue and you came, gripping fistfuls of his hair as his tongue caressed your clit. Yes, he was sure these nights were a taste of heaven.

Rudra set you gently down on the bed, heading to the small wash basin in the corner of the room to clean himself up. He shed his shirt, letting the blue fabric fall to the floor as he cleaned himself with a washcloth. He was hard again already, the sight of you perched on the end of his bed and the thought of what you were about to do almost brought him to the edge again. You were wearing a yellow sundress, the colour a perfect contrast against your skin. You weren’t wearing a bra, and he could see the hardness of your nipples poking through, the fabric clinging perfectly to your skin. “Rudra?” you bought the priest back down to earth as you said his name, your head tilted slightly to the side as you looked at him quizzically. Even the way you said his name sent electricity coursing through his veins. “I’m ok,” he smiled, coming to sit next to you. “I still just can’t believe you’re here.” You smiled and kissed him, trailing your nails down his chest and stomach. Rudra shivered against your touch as you whispered, “I’m here.” “I want you, all of you,” he pleaded, gripping the hem of your dress with his hands. You helped him pull the material away from your skin, letting yourself be pushed back onto his bed as he took you all in. No matter how many times he looked at you, he’d never get tired of the sight.

Your underwear was already soaked through, he could feel it as he ran his hand across the thin cotton fabric. You uttered a breathy moan, arching your back into his touch. As much as Rudra wanted you, he wanted you to feel the same pleasure as he had. Morning was still a long way off, and he could take his time. Achingly slowly, he pulled your underwear down your legs, marvelling at just how wet you were. You let your legs fall open as Rudra’s fingers stroked your soaking core, his thumb circling over your clit. He knelt between your legs, sliding two fingers deep inside you. “Fuck,” you moaned, your fists gripping the sheets as Rudra’s thumb continued circling your clit. His other hand trailed up your stomach and palmed your breast, his fingers gently pinching one nipple, then the other. “Oh my god,” you whispered, marvelling at how quick of a learner Rudra was. He was able to ignite something in your body that nobody ever had and every time he touched you, it was like the most delicious bolt of lightning through your body. “Is this ok, just like this?” he asked, sliding another finger inside you. “Just like this, yes,” you moaned, your arm nearest the wall reaching out to brace yourself. You could feel your thighs shaking, that deep, aching heat of pleasure creeping up inside you. “I’m so close,” you whispered, your head tipping back on the pillow as Rudra pumped his fingers in and out of you with a quickening pace. With a shuddering cry, you came around his fingers, your hand gripping onto his wrist as he stroked the inside of your walls.

You fell back against the mattress, your body still shaking. Rudra climbed on top of you and wrapped you up in his arms, pressing tender kisses to your forehead, cheeks and lips. “Are you ready?” you asked him, brushing a piece of sweat soaked hair from his forehead. With a nod, you wrapped your legs around his waist as he guided himself inside you. Rudra was big, and the feeling as he entered you was one of pain and pleasure. You bit your lip as he pushed himself into you, your nails leaving marks as they dug into his back. You moved together, your bodies perfectly in sync as Rudra moaned against your mouth, your name falling from his lips like a prayer. The rickety bed creaked as you moved as one, the softness of his hands and roughness of his beard the perfect contrast as his lips and fingers explored your body. He filled you up so perfectly, your body fit right perfectly between his. It’s like you were made for each other. “I’m gonna –“ Rudra moaned, too pussy drunk to finish his sentence. “It’s ok,” you smiled, “let go.”

With a cry, Rudra came, his seed filling you up and sliding down your thighs. You held each other close, your breathing ragged as you came down from your highs. “I love you,” he whispered, capturing your lips in a deep kiss. “I love you too,” you smiled, nestling yourself into him as he wrapped his arms around you. He only had a small bed, barely enough room for just him, but you made it work. You pushed yourself into his body as he held you close. It was still quiet outside, the sound of your breathing and your beating hearts the only noises in the room.

You thought of those monsters, roaming around outside the church and throughout the rest of the Town. It was such a stark contrast to the safety you felt in the church, cuddled up in the too small bed with a man you never thought you’d be lucky enough to have. You had no idea how much longer you had left; every day could potentially be your last. You used to dread the night-time and the paralysing fear it brought. But now, you couldn’t wait for the sun to go down, so you could be locked in here with Rudra, safe in your own little bubble. As if reading your thoughts, Rudra whispered, “I promise you this. Until my last breath, I will keep you safe.”

[noa-ciharu]

Speaking of Eurovision...

As a fellow ESC watcher I would like to ask what your twelve all-time favourite ESC songs are and maybe explain why exactly these if you don't mind •////• 👉👈

And have a nice day~

Oh damn just 12? Thats too difficult 😭 If you don't mind instead I decided to pick a country and then select one of their best songs ♥️

Helena Papariziou - my number one (Greece 2005). Maybe it's just nostalgia, but to me this is Eurovision-est eurovision song that ever won. Fast rhythm, very Greek vibes, catchy tune, nice choreography and voice, what's not to like?

Hari Mara Hari - Lejla (BiH 2006). What to say, beautiful ballad in native language, very powerful voice, in my honest opinion this song should have won back in 2006. But then again, I'm a fan of his music so maybe I'm just biased

Go_A - Shum (Ukraine 2021). What every country should do: send a mix of folklore and modern music in native language. Honestly if I had to choose a country that overal has best entries without a doubt it'll be Ukraine, they never disappoint. What's hard to choose actually is which song of theirs was the best. I can't decide but Go_A's Šum definitely goes into top 3. Also in begging everyone listen to Shady Lady, their 2008's entry

Conchira Wurst - Rise like a Phoenix (Austria 2014). Hands down one of best ballads in English sent in last 20 years. Definitely a deserved win, no matter what public at that time said cuz of her appearance. The 'but I'm gonna fly' part never fails to give me goosebumps. I feel like that song could be trans anthem

Elena Born and Stig Rästa - Goodbye to Yesterday (Estonia 2015). The classic. Very simple yet striking duet, idk how to describe it but there's something rly captivating about the song. Ans they look like they're so in love 🥺

Can Bonomo - Love me back (Turkey 2012). Add to endless list of songs that should have won over Euphoria 🙄 it's a very unique song, very catchy too. Also this is the last year Turkey took part in esc :< I miss their performances 😭

Željko Joksimović - Lane Moje and No name - Zauvjek Moja (Serbia & Montenegro 2004 and 2005) - I tried to choose only one but couldn't ;-; that's how 00s music on Balkan was like, it fills me with nostalgia. Sadly national song content in 2006 was one of reasons why union between two countries collapsed so it's more of pensive nostalgia for people here

Anxhela Peristeri - Karma (Albania 2021). This song was criminally underrated 2 years ago :< powerful ballad, perfect voice, strong tune - idk why she didn't rank higher? Albania always sends good song in their language and gets little points, it's unfair :/

Charlotte Perrilli - Hero (Sweden 2008). Yes I can't believe I'm saying this but there is an underrated swedish entry. I've hear this one back in 2008 and it stick with me ever since. Catchy 00s pop song

Andromache - Ela (Cyprus 2022). This one didn't even qualify ;-; honestly it was one of my faves from last year but it was so obvious she was nervous on stage. Plus song isn't really much of Eurovision material so I sort of understand why she didn't qualify but I adored the song nonetheless 🥰 love hearing Greek language

Dima Bilan - Never let you go (Russia 2006). His voice 🥺 song is so beautiful idk what to say really beside I'm an absolute fan (plus that imma go dig up more of his music). I do like Believe from 2008 too but prefer this song

Paula Seling & Ovi - Playing with fire (Romania 2006). What to say, very catchy song, I like it alot. Love them 90s vibes. Defo one of best Romania sent in last 20 years

Toše Proeski - Life (Macedonia 2004). Alright, I feel like I've bored life out of everyone with Crno i Belo from 2012 so time to bring another underappreciated Macedonian entry. You don't understand, this man was a legend in ex Yu countries 🥺💔 still is to this day

Cascada - Glorious (Germany 2013). Shes one of my fave 00s pop icons, imagine my delight when I heard she's on eurovision 😭 her songs are my childhood ♥️ I just wish she ranked better, idk why only 22th place for such amazing song

Doris Dragović - Marija Magdalena (Croatia 1999). Absolutely best Croatia ever sent, powerful voice, catchy tune, native language - absolutely perfect song in all terms

Alexander Rybak - Fairytale (Norway 2009). One of rare winners I 100% agree with. Violin is amazing there as well as his voice. Breath of fresh air into song context with mixture of traditional and modern I'd say

Monika Liu - Sentimentai (Lithuania 2022). So underappreciated 😭 the style, the elegance, the simplicity, the catchy tune - idk why she didn't get more points tbh

Sirusho - Qele qele (Armenia 2008). As someo3n said in comments - everyone over 18 on Balkan knows this song and that's the case with me too 😂 ethnic flavor, catchy rhymes, one of that years faves for sure

I think I covered around 13-14 counties here, especially some from eastern and central Europe that might get underappreciated. Maybe one day when/if I have time I could choose my fave song from all 50ish European countries (if I'm insane enough)