#also yes i agree that it could also be Lizzy who should win next

[probablyethan]

After I made this post, I just had the scenario in mind...

And please read Joel's boxes in his hysteric Voice.

[chandelier-s-notebook]

Doodlewash April 2021 prompt 11: Telephone

Tangentially related because communication.

I mention a character named Meri, that’s the name of LDShadowLady’s IRL dog, for the purposes of this storyline, Meri is her child.

If anyone wants to be part of a taglist of this Vigilante AU, feel free to message me/send an ask/or mention it in reblogs.

--------------------------

5up finished up his last class of the day. He dropped his school things off in his bedroom. He grabbed his bright pink leather jacket faded from use and changed from dress pants into a worn pair of black jeans. The white masquerade mask with a leaf motif was taken from its place in the back of his closet and slipped it in the inner pocket of his jacket.

5up’s father may hate vigilantes with a passion, but the guy in charge of the security for their apartment was a fan. 5up’s father thought that vigilantes were a danger to society and that people just trust the system rather than some self-proclaimed public service helper. Another fact was that 5up’s father was too rich for crime against him to be worth it, and when things did happen to him, he could call up Hero HQ and let his reputation carry the weight necessary to get a hero rather quickly. But the people in the ground didn’t have that luxury, so even though 5up’s father asked for a report on what his son does, the security guys doesn’t only fail to mention the whole vigilante thing, he also loops the camera feed in case the man comes to take a look for himself.

5up chuckled sardonically. Who was he kidding? His father wouldn’t call Hero HQ; he goes to a kidnapped child ring to bet on the outcomes once a week.

5up decided that he should go get Elaina and DK on board first. xChocobars might need a little more time to process before agreeing.

5up dashed down the City sewer system. He threw down his skateboard and rolled through the tunnels to District 87. It was surprising how it was faster to get from his apartment complex in District 67 to the Sweet Shoppe and Bakery in District 87 by skateboarding through the sewers than catching the city bus.

5up rolled the skateboard to a stop below the grate in the back alley of the Sweet Shoppe & Bakery. 5up took the guitar strap out of his jacket pocket and attached it to the skateboard then tossed it over his shoulder. He climbed up the ladder and popped up in the back alley.

It was surprising that the stench from the sewers didn’t permeate into his clothing.

He slipped around and walked in the front door. “I’m back Niki and I’d like to buy a dozen cupcakes.”

“Hello 5up, and what brings you back down here?” She knew 5up’s order; he just wanted a random selection.

“I need to have a chat with Elaina Exe.”

“Elaina? Not Eret?” Niki asked conversationally.

5up shrugged. “You know how it is sometimes. Would you have an idea where she is right now?”

“She works at The Golden Bloom after school. This’ll be $27.”

“Thanks.” 5up pays in cash. “Where is that?”

“Just outside, turn left, cross three times, turn right, cross twice more, turn right and it’s the shop on the corner.”

“Thanks.”

5up opens the box and eats a cupcake as he follows Niki’s directions to The Golden Bloom.

- - -

Elaina is helping a customer in the succulent section of The Garden Bloom when the wind chimes over the door ring. She glances to the newcomer out of the corner of her eye; 5up. She smiles a little strained at the customer, and starts to speed up the process.

5up raises a hand in greeting and starts to skim the yellow flower section.

Elaina gets her other costumer paid and out the door. She walks over to 5up. “Alstroemeria,” she says approvingly.

“And in English?”

“Lily of the Incas.”

“Nice. Will they work as friendship flowers?”

“So you wanted friendship?” Elaina jokes. “I was going to ask if you had your eye on someone.”

“No. Just need to soften the blow of information.”

“Oh?”

“Stuff. Will we be eavesdropped on here?”

“No.”

5up nodded. “Could I have some of these?” He took out a cupcake and offered it to Elaina.

She snatched it. “Lemme finish this first. What did you want to talk about?”

“I was wondering if there were any children that had gone missing within the last couple of months.”

Elaina’s hands paused in the flowers. “Why?” Her head dropped forward and she laughed. “That sounded defensive.”

“No no don’t worry about it. Hafu found something and I was wondering how wide spread the problem was.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. One of those situations.”

Elaina’s hands found their movement and she sifted to find the best flowers and pulled them out. “A dozen?”

“Yes please.”

“Lizzie’s daughter Meri went missing three months ago. But that’s all I’ve heard.”

“So yes?”

“Yeah.” Elaina beckoned him over to the counter. “Why?”

“I might know where she is.”

“Really? Where?”

“Hafu found a child fighting ring in her patrol section. My father invited me to it, saw someone who’d gone missing seven months back.”

“Child fighting ring?”

“Illegal. Obviously. It’s a betting thing.”

“Have I ever told you that your father is a bad person?”

“Not you specifically, but I have been told that.”

“Good. Don’t be like him.”

“I won’t. That doesn’t sound fun.”

“No.” Elaina shook her head and laughed. “$25.” She wrapped the bundle in paper while 5up fished out the cash. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Would you be willing to come to Hafu’s tomorrow at 9pm to advice us on how to proceed?”

“Me? Me? You don’t want Eret for that? Illegal children fighting ring of kidnapped kids sounds like an Eret thing.”

“It also sounds like a file report to Hero HQ.”

“Uhm…. Yeah?”

“Hafu and I estimated 200 children, you remember the School Exploder.”

Elaina smiled fondly. “I had a test postponed because of that.”

“Exe.”

“Right right. Yeah. Hero HQ isn’t going to be quick or efficient enough.”

“They would be, but more than one hero is gonna need to work together,” 5up trailed off.

“If there were a hundred then we could trust SBI to do it,” Elaina continued his thought process. “But there are too many kids for just of three of them.”

“And we don’t know how many criminals there are to round up.”

Elaina dropped her head in her hands. “So I’m the second best option.”

“Don’t say it like that.”

“Captain Sparklez hero knowledge would be invaluable, but Eret is a little too close for this project.”

5up nodded sagely, finally picking up his flowers. “Hafu’s, 9pm tomorror?”

“I’ll be there.”

The door chimed.

“One second.” She turned back to 5up. “I’ll see you around.”

“Wait until we have a game plan before you tell Eret.”

“Yeah. Yeah.”

- - -

5up was rolling down the sewers to DK’s Dojo up in District 37; he had his mask donned; cupcake box in one hand; and flowers for xChocobars in the other.

It was really nice that DK had an elevator directly to the sewers, it was so nice not having to climb up a ladder with all the stuff he had to carry.

5up drifted from the elevator to the front desk. “Hi, is Dakotaz in?”

The receptionist didn’t look up from their screen. “No.”

5up placed a cupcake on the counted. “Ahem.”

The receptionist looked up.

“And what about for me?”

They noticed the jacket and white leaf mask and started apologizing,. “I’m so sorry 5up, I thought you were literally anyone else. Yeah. DK’s sparing with Dumbdog in his private room.”

“No worries. Thanks.”

5up swiveled his board around and propelled himself to the back room.

“Cupcakes!”

“Well if it isn’t Mr. Rich Boy.”

“Cupcakes?”Dumbdog took DK out of the headlock and leaped over. “Yes. Oh my goodness. The Sweet Shoppe and Bakery makes the best cupcakes.”

“Geez Dog, have some class.” DK picks himself off the ground. “Yo bro? Can I have one?”

5up handed one of DumbDog and held out another for DK. “Are you busy tomorrow?”

“No why?”

“Think you have time to stop by Hafu’s at 9pm tomorrow to discuss something?”

“Yeah sure. What’s up?”

“We found some missing children and need a munitions expert.”

DumbDog raised his cupcake in toast to DK. “Do you need me?”

5up turned it over in his head. “If you’re available.”

- - -

xChocobars was sitting on the roof of a building keeping watch of the streets below. There was a meeting between the City’s two biggest gangs. They always met up in this square of District 66.

She saw other vigilantes of the roof around the square and a little ways down the road where the cars were sitting. Someone dropped next to her. “Cupcake.”

“Of course.”

The leaders shook hands and headed their separate ways. xChocobars kept watch as the gang members and other vigilantes disappeared into the shadows back to their home districts. “Hello 5up.” Flowers were thrust into her hands. “Oh?”

“I found your twin sister.”

xChocobars eyes hardened behind her mask. “Oh?”

“We can’t go in guns blazing though.”

She gestured to the flowers. “I figured.”

“She’s ‘fine.’ Not really.”

“Oh?”

“Let’s just say that there are other people who got shorter sticks.”

“Stop softening the blow.”

“Your sister’s kidnappers are forcing her to fight and people like my father bet on the outcome.”

xChocobars dropped flowers. They fell soundlessly into her lap. “Oh?”

“She was one of the less bruised and was winning.”

“Good for her,” xChocobars said. “Bad for others.”

“Bad for others,” 5up agreed. “We’re going to Hafu’s 9pm tomorrow to plan an escape.”

“Good. I’ll be there.”

“Good.”

“Go home 5up.”

“Yes Ma’am.”

- - -

“Hello Hafu.”

Hafu startled from where she was sitting on her fire escape. “Hello 5up.”

“I have six cupcakes left.”

“Oooh. Gimme.”

“So what’s the plan for tomorrow? I told people to come at 9pm.”

“We’ll talk over dinner about how to approach this.”

“Mhm. You, me, Elaina, DK, DumbDog, and xChocobars.”

“Good team. We’ll need to expand.” Hafu popped a cupcake in her mouth. “Think you can do some recon?”

“Yeah. I’m sure my father would love to spend some time with me.”

[alyblacklist]

Do you think the keenler storyline is going anywhere? I used to be sure that it was, I mean why else would they have them kiss and have sex. However now that Liz has been gone for five episodes and she is being quite mean to Ressler (the whole pointing a gun to his head and pretty much telling Cooper about them sleeping together) I feel like a relationship between them will never happen and the writers are just trying to make us forget or dislike Keenler.

Ok, on to the asks about Ressler/Keenler in 8x09 where things were said, but only through contact lenses and earpieces. Thoughts below the jump, because it’s a long post that will (hopefully) address all of these at least in part.

I do think it was Liz speaking through the doppelganger at all relevant times. They haven’t given me a reason not to think that at this point. She knew things only Liz could know. So I assume (unless we get new info) that everything Mia Collins said to Ressler was actually Liz telling her what to say to him (and likewise to Aram and Cooper). I did express to BlacklistRoom on Twitter that they were evil for having faux-Liz call Ressler “Donald” on screen before real Liz does. And at first, I thought maybe that was some sort of signal to Ressler that things were amiss because real Liz wouldn’t do that, but in the end I think it was just the writers playing their usual games. NOT because they hate Keenler or Keenler fans (they’re the ones who made Keenler canon, for God’s sake), but just because they love to toy with fan emotion. They give you a Wing Yee birthday nugget one ep, they throw in a loose “Donald” in another from the lips of a faux-Liz. They know exactly the emotional points to hit if they’re paying attention to social media (and they certainly are, to a point). 

I did catch that accurate observation on Twitter that the doppelganger did not have her finger on the trigger while pointing the gun at Ressler’s head. I’d like to think the actress and crew are careful enough to catch such things as her finger was nowhere near that trigger (and she knew how to shoot that unnamed FBI agent during the chase) so I hope that was purposeful, perhaps as a small signal to the audience that Liz never really intended to hurt Ressler, even though he of course couldn’t see what was going on behind his head. A nod, at least, to the idea that Liz doesn’t really mean to hurt him.

Before I get too much deeper into my personal impressions of the scene, I want to specifically address the anon who wonders if she’s alone in finding it hard to root for Liz or Keenler in all this.

Of course you’re not.

Darker Liz isn’t for everyone. If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me Ressler deserves better than Liz over the past five years, I’d be able to buy you dinner (even at NYC prices). Never mind how many have abandoned the ship over that exact issue or related issues over the seasons. But I also think you know that I don’t share your viewpoint. Maybe that’s why you send me asks, or maybe you’re just using my inbox as an outlet to find those who agree with you. I don’t know and it doesn’t matter (although I admit if it’s the latter, publishing your thoughts on your OWN page rather than in my inbox might be preferable because as much as I enjoy asks to a point, I’m a little tired of ship hand-holding asks. I like what I like and trying to explain it or defend it gets a little tiring.)

All I can say is after five years of deep investment in this fandom and these characters, it takes a LOT more than an absent female lead and a bumpy episode to capsize my ship and send me into the pit of despair. For me, this is the expected price we pay for the ship being canon now versus only at the very end of the show. The Blacklist has never been about showing smooth, happy, relationships. Angst, drama, tension is the name of the game. You have to decide for yourself whether you can stomach that on a week to week basis and especially this season because they warned us – “good AND difficult” – difficult!  - for Keenler. I reconcile the conflict by the fact that Ressler still WANTS Liz and BELIEVES in Liz despite her flaws and if he does, then so do I. The man has some blinders when it comes to Liz, certainly, but not the sort that they love to mock him for on screen. He’s not thinking solely with his male parts brain, he’s thinking with his actual, in his head brain and he LOVES this woman despite her crazy and I love that about him. He’s smarter than most people give him credit for. And I am also of the view that real life and ships do not need to be equivalents. You can love two flawed fictional TV characters without being a person who wants to see those things manifest in real life. (I also ship Wanda and Vision for the record).

So I think we can all agree that this episode – and Liz’s absence generally – has been more “difficult” than good Keenler-wise. Ressler himself told us in those early episodes before her departure that it’s different if you see her, and it certainly is. We’ve been robbed of Liz’s thoughts and emotions entirely ever since she last graced our screen in Ep. 8x04. (And of Ressler’s reaction to said departure, for the most part). At the same time, I think Liz recognizes that too as she hasn’t to our knowledge directly engaged with Cooper, Aram OR Ressler since she left except through surrogates. Purposeful choices on the part of the diabolical writers.

As I said in my earlier ask response tonight, I remain of the view that Liz is in control of her actions and is doing her own risk/benefit assessment in how she responds to the situations she finds herself in. 

I do NOT think that means she has lost all emotion or feeling for Cooper, Aram OR Ressler, but as she explained to Townsend, “Reddington has an army on both sides of the law. I can’t do this alone. I need a partner.” She believes that the Task Force – all of them – are tied to Reddington in their own way, including Ressler, and she doesn’t expect them to violate those arrangements/principles for her. She’s moving outside the boundaries of those relationships to shed light on the secrets that she believes are being kept. Did she involve them this week?  Yes, but I think only because Townsend forced her hand on dealing with his sister. I doubt she would’ve sent her double to the Post Office otherwise. (I totally agree that the Post Office needs better security protocols btw – the idea that Liz can continually breach their defenses has become absolutely laughable at this point).

But, part of that is personal relationships.  She needed Ressler to give her the door codes and he did. Why? Not because he’s her patsy or her f--- boy or whatever derogatory term someone wants to slap on him (!), but because he loves her, flaws and all. The whole letting her go/letting him go thing has always had double meaning, back to S2. 

Cyranoid Liz: You should let me go. Ressler: Those days are over. Cyranoid Liz: Why? Nothing’s changed.

Has nothing changed? He let her go in S2 and then she shot Tom Connolly and he beat himself up over it. Then, the “I can’t let her go” (Ressler pointing the gun in S3 outside the Russian embassy), followed by that car chase and then Red in the next episode, Eli Matchett:

Red: Ressler is a law-enforcement robot. The FBI winds him up– Liz: That’s not true. He’s a person. He’s a good person. Red: Look at me. You need to let that go, Lizzy. I have survived for a very long time now, and I assure you, I didn’t do it by relying on the goodness in people.

I’d submit it has and it hasn’t. All these seasons later, she is once again having a hard time letting him go and so is he (with respect to her).

Ressler: Why’d you call? Liz: I don’t know. I guess– because every time we say goodbye, I’m afraid we might actually mean it.

Both with eyes open wider this time and yet, still wanting the peaceful night, free of all the distractions. 

Yes, he let Liz’s double go physically without much protest. Emotionally? He hasn’t let go of Liz. Not one bit. And Liz saw that, through her cyranoid. He’s still on her side. He still wants to believe in her, no matter what she’s putting him through (and poor Ressler, he’s really enduring a lot – though I hope the tide will turn on that at some point).  He had no reason to open that door, and yet – he did. He doesn’t want that one night to be just ONE night and deep down, I don’t think she does either.

“I won’t give up on you.” 

He hasn’t, yet. “But I still need to do my job, Keen.” She better not push him too far because the day he does is the day I worry. He’s desperate not to repeat the mistakes of the past, he’s desperate to trust her this time. Not because he’s thinking with his small man-part-brain, but with his HEART. He loves her. He’ll do anything he can for her within the limits of his conscience. They are each others’ second chance.

I don’t view Keenler or Ressler’s feelings for Liz or Liz’s manipulations of Ressler as fatal to the ship because I accept that this whole thing – Liz’s mission – is the battle for her soul  that the writers have teased for years . Which side will win? Hopefully the right one. The hopeful one. The one that makes second chances happen.

Cheers.

[lifeofkaze]

An Art of Balance #2

A/N: Chapter 2, here you go. I can’t believe how much I missed writing, let me tell you :D Also, looking at my draft and at how high the word counts for every chapter I’ve written so far turned out… we’re in for a long one, hope you’ll stay with me through it. Enjoy!

Warning: mild swearing, use of alcohol

 Word Count: ~ 2.700

______________________________________________________________ 

Chapter 2: Secrets Spilt

Orion leaned back contently, supporting his weight on the bench with his hands and let his gaze wander through the Great Hall. It was looking magnificent as ever, packed to the brim with students new and old, chatting excitedly, the air humming with positive energy. They had just finished their welcome feast and waited for the new first years to be escorted to their common rooms, so the older students could follow up.

He felt a smile spread on his face. As much as he appreciated the summer break to reset and focus on himself, there was nothing quite like coming back to what was home to him. He looked at each of his friends around him, grateful for having found so many people over the last years he considered his family.

A group of newly sorted Gryffindors walked past, being ushered along by Gryffindor’s newest prefect. Charlie Weasley, star of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Orion eyed him up curiously. He was undeniably gifted when it came to playing seeker. As a matter of fact, Orion wouldn’t put a professional career past his abilities. If they wanted to have a chance to win the House Cup once again, they had better watch out for him.

When he passed where Lizzie was sitting, he nonchalantly saluted her with two fingers put to his forehead and grinned. Lizzie stuck her tongue out to him before she started laughing and waved back. Charlie gave her a wink and continued along after his brother Bill and their charges. Orion noticed Skye giving Lizzie a glum look.

“Stop that, Jameson, this is competition you’re flirting with.”

“I wasn’t flirting, I was waving at a friend. Get a grip, Skye,” Lizzie snapped at her, clearly exasperated.

Skye only snorted at that. “Whatever. He’s in another house and on top on another team. You can be nice to him all you want, once we’ve shown Gryffindor the ropes on the pitch.”

“What if we’re playing them last, do you expect me not to talk to one of my best friends for the whole year or what?” Lizzie shot her an angry glance. “Besides, if you weren’t so consumed with seeing everyone as competition, you could actually benefit from me being friends with him. He is excellent on his broom. I bet he could even show you a trick or two.”

Skye bristled up at that and Orion felt resignation set in. He had hoped Lizzie and Skye would last at least a week until their inevitable bickering commenced. Although they had been playing on the same team for so many years, their different approach to the sport they both loved so much invariably led to tensions. Tensions that were his responsibility as the team’s captain to resolve.

“Everyone has their strengths as well as their weaknesses. We should not concentrate on others but focus on how we can overcome our weak sides to rise stronger than before.” He leaned over the table pushing the two girls glaring at each other gently apart. “It is no use to fight amongst ourselves when we have a common goal to achieve.”

“He’s right, you know,” Penny agreed happily. “I’ve had enough of the Cup being dressed in blue and bronze already. You two be nice to each other and take it back for us.”

Much to his surprise, Skye actually let it rest at that, only muttering a stubborn “They could show me shit, Jameson, as if…” but Lizzie wasn’t listening to her anymore. Rowan was walking past with their new housemates in tow and Lizzie jumped up, walking over to her. Though Orion couldn’t hear what they said, he saw Lizzie return of few moments later, looking puzzled and Rowan leaving with the first years.

He opened his mouth to ask what was bothering her but was cut short by McNully announcing Hufflepuff’s first years to have been the last of them and it being high time they left for their common room as well.

*

Saying he was relieved to finally be able to get out of his school uniform would have been an understatement. He shrugged into his battered coat, running his hand over the worn fabric. It had been with him for so long it almost felt part of his identity. Orion felt himself relaxing more and more. Laying back on his bed, arms crossed behind his head, he closed his eyes and let the familiar smell of warm wood and the fire from the common room wash over him.

This was home.

The other boys sharing the dorm with him were still gathered around the giant fireplace, but he didn’t mind. Although they were about to start their sixth year together, he didn’t really feel connected to them. The only exception was McNully, who shared his passion about Quidditch, albeit in quite a different way.

He propped himself up on his side and reached over to his nightstand, where he had put up pictures of his team he had collected over the course of the years. Picking up the first one he could reach, he fell back again, letting his mind wander back to the glaringly hot day the photograph had been taken. It was a snapshot of the team celebrating a last-minute win against Ravenclaw two years ago. He could almost feel the heat of the sun on his skin as he looked at the exhilarated faces of his friends. The sudden burst of joy mixed with relief of not being shot out of the race for the Cup had even let Skye forget the fight she had had with Lizzie at the time, both girls having one arm around the other’s shoulder, grinning like mad up at him.

A soft sigh escaped him. As much as he valued his friendship with both of them, Skye and Lizzie could both be a handful, especially when disagreeing with each other. Where Skye was peculiar with her subordinating every aspect of her life to Quidditch and expecting everybody else to do the same, Lizzie was extremely prickly when she felt herself or one of her friends being attacked. Most of the times their quarrel was nothing more than that and they quickly returned to being friends, but every so often it would turn into a downright fight.

Orion looked up when he heard the door opening and the soft noise of McNully’s wheelchair approaching him.

“Taking a trip down memory lane?” McNully came to a halt next to him, looking curiously at the picture Orion was holding in his hands.

“Yes, setting my mind for all the things that need to be done for the new season.”

McNully leaned closer, eyes shining excitedly. “And there are a lot of these! You need to find a new beater, scout out what the other teams are up to, assess their strengths and weaknesses- “

“Good to see you have already worked out my whole schedule,” Orion interrupted him flatly.

McNully gracefully ignored the rare sarcasm in his friend’s voice. “What did you expect, I had the whole summer to think about this. And if you want to know, I do think Gryffindor will be your hardest contender for the top. Contrary to us, their team remains unchanged and they only lost to us last year due to circumstances that are highly improbable to repeat themselves.”

Fading his voice out, Orion’s mind went back to what had happened in the Great Hall earlier. McNully was right. None of the other houses should be underestimated, but he had a feeling Gryffindor maybe deserved the closest look out of all of them. Although he really wouldn’t like to admit it out loud, in some way Skye had a point.

He looked over at McNully, lost in thought. “Do you think Lizzie and Charlie being so close could be a problem for us? Got any statistics for me on inter-house friendships influencing performance? Or was Skye overreacting earlier?”

The blond wizard only laughed. “Hey, don’t ask me about inter-personal relationships, especially regarding your teammates. After all,” and he rolled over to his own bed, smiling innocently, “I’m just your ever impartial commentator.”

 ***

 Lizzie’s face hurt from laughing. She leaned back against her bed post and wiped a tear from her eye while Tonks stopped her impersonation of Professor McGonagall, turning her face back into its original state. She reached for the bottle of cherry liquor they had been passing around. Shaking it gently she listened to the remainders of the liquid slosh inside.

“Uh-oh, girls, we’re almost done.” She set the bottle to her lips, emptying it in one big gulp.

“Oi, Tonks, let us in on the fun!” Skye protested but Tonks only grinned and burped before tossing her the empty bottle.

Lizzie felt herself giggling again, giddy from the alcohol coursing through her body.

Penny, who sat next to her, leaned forward and snatched the bottle out of Skye’s hands. Her cheeks were flushed and her voice already had slight slur to it. “To mark the occasion of me having my favourite girls ever back, how about a round of good old truth-and-dare?”

Everybody groaned but got up anyway and sat down in a circle on the floor. Penny placed the bottle in the middle and got her wand out.

“Remember, everyone not telling the truth or chickening out on the dare gets to live with neon green hair for the rest of the week. Except for Tonks who has to go with a boring colour of her choice.”

To emphasise the stakes, Tonks let her hair change colour, showcasing such a bright green it actually hurt to look at her.

Lizzie felt the familiar tingling on her skin as Penny cast the spell on them. She glanced sideways at Rowan, who didn’t look to keen on the prospect of the game, but said nothing. Maybe it would loosen her up a bit.

Penny spun the bottle. It came to rest on Tonks, who confidently chose a dare. Penny thought about it for a second. “I dare you to prank Madam Pince before the end of the week. “

Tonks laughed out loud. “Consider it done. And here was me thinking this was about something I don’t want to do.” She spun the bottle again, this time it stopped pointing at Lizzie. She tensed a little bit.

“Alright, Lizzie, truth or dare?”

Lizzie remembered the last time she had chosen the dare vividly. They had made her lecture Snape on every detail about her hair care routine, complete with a recommendation of her favourite shampoo. It had cost her ten house points, detention and a good chunk of her dignity.

Considering that, she really had no choice. “Truth, I guess. I’m too scared of you, Tonks.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll go easy on you, we’re only on warm up. Have you been kissed before?”

Lizzie felt a blush creep up her face. Avoiding her friends’ curious faces she looked up at the ceiling. “Yes.”

“What?!” Penny shrieked, gripping her arm. “Who? When? Don’t be a buzzkill, tell us everything!”

Lizzie shook her head. “Not a chance.”

“You have to tell us!” Tonks complained. “You have to answer my question!”

“I know. I did. You didn’t ask for any details, so I have to tell you bugger all.” Ignoring Tonks’ pout, she grabbed the bottle and quickly spun it. She could feel Rowan’s eyes resting on her and felt a little guilty. She hadn’t even told her best friend about her first kiss.

She could still feel Rowan watching her while she dared Skye walking into the Great Hall at breakfast like a chicken but when she looked over, Rowan quickly dropped her gaze.

“Well, Lizzie, looks like it’s you again.”

She looked back to the middle of the circle where the bottle pointed at her for the second time.

Brilliant. She already pictured herself giving Snape an additional lecture on conditioner. She sighed. “Dare.”

Skye blinked innocently at her. “Smashing. I dare you to tell us who your first kiss was with.”

Lizzie looked at her dumbfounded. Tonks and Skye high-fived, looking thoroughly pleased with themselves.

“This is not how his game is working,” Lizzie protested helplessly.

“Yes, it is. Now spill the beans!” Skye replied smugly.

For a second, Lizzie contemplated how she would look with green hair, but with another glance at Tonks’s radiantly glowing head, she gave in to the inevitable.

Covering her face with her hands, she mumbled something incomprehensible.

Skye put a hand to her hear. “Sorry, can’t hear you!”

Exasperated, Lizzie threw her head back and exclaimed, “Alright, it was Charlie Weasley! There you have it!”

Her friends’ reactions came all at once. Penny was squealing, whereas Skye was glaring at her, yelling “Jameson, seriously?!”. Tonks was laughing her head off.

“I can’t believe it, Dragon Boy got himself a girlfriend!” she roared.

Lizzie fiercely shook her head. “Merlin, no, don’t you get any ideas! It was just that one kiss, nothing more. It was Christmas, there was a mistletoe and that is it! End of story!”

Penny couldn’t contain herself with excitement. “You two spent Christmas together? How come I never knew? Lizzie, you have to tell me everything. Right. Now.”

Again, Lizzie buried her face in her hands. Suddenly the prospect of lecturing Snape didn’t sound so bad.

Suddenly Rowan spoke up next to her. “You heard what she said. It was nothing serious and the dare is fulfilled. Leave her alone.”

Surprised, Lizzie looked over to her. For the first time that evening, Rowan smiled at her, albeit it was somewhat restrained.

She got up. “In fact, I think we’ve all had enough. Let’s call it a day, shall we?” With that, she snatched the bottle from the floor, grabbed her things from her bed and left the room.

*

Lizzie had been tossing and turning for over an hour now, listening to Skye softly snoring in the bed to her right. She absentmindedly ran her fingers through Mouse’s thick fur, who was rolled into a tight ball against her stomach. After returning from home, it always took her a few nights to get accustomed to sharing her room with other people again.

When she heard Rowan getting out of bed on her other side, she propped herself up onto her elbows. She could see her friend tiptoeing over to the dresser at the far end of the room, pouring herself a glass of water.

Lizzie watched her silhouette quietly. Better get this over with now.

She waited until her friend returned before turning to her side.

“Rowan?” she whispered quietly.

She could see the other girl looking up, although her features were indiscernible in the darkness.

“Lizzie? Can’t sleep, can you?”

“Yeah.” Rowan knew she always had trouble falling asleep for the first few nights. “Can I ask you something?”

Rowan didn’t answer immediately. “Sure, go ahead.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were made a prefect?”

“Why didn’t you tell me about you and Charlie?” she retorted. Lizzie could hear the hurt in her best friend’s voice.

She sighed softly. “I’m sorry, I know should have. We just thought, keeping this between ourselves would prevent stupid rumours from spreading. It was just for fun.”

Rowan didn’t reply at first. Then, “It’s alright.”

“Now you. Why didn’t you tell me about the prefect thing?”

“This has nothing to do with you personally, really. It’s just… you have gotten so absorbed into this whole Quidditch world; I feel like I can’t keep up. Sometimes it’s like I’m not that big a part of your life anymore, Liz.”

Lizzie felt a punch of sadness at her words. And a tad guilty as well. “You could have told me anytime. You are my best friend, Rowan, you are part of everything I do.”

Although she couldn’t see her face, she heard the smile in Rowan’s voice. “That’s good to know.”

They were both silent for a bit.

“Rowan?”

“Hm?” she replied sleepily.

“Thanks for helping me out earlier.”

“Sure. Good night, Lizzie.”

“Good night.”

Lizzie snuggled herself into her blanket, moving Mouse a little bit to make herself more comfortable. She couldn’t shake the feeling there was something Rowan had not told her. But before she could think on it any further, she had already drifted off to sleep.

[peterstanslizzie]

Re-watching Lizzie Mcguire: Episode 1.5 (I’ve Got Rhythmic)

You know what this moment is? It’s Lizzie about the hit the floor from tripping

- The episode begins with Lizzie approaching the bulletin board to check what her grade is for her school English test; Turns out, Lizzie only got a ‘B’. She gets frustrated because she feels like she’s not amazing at anything when comparing herself to her peers like Gordo who is an aspiring filmmaker and Miranda who is good at arts and crafts. 

Lizzie discovers her Talent

- During gym class, Coach Kelly introduces rhythmic gymnastics to the girls and Lizzie and Miranda are not feeling it. As someone who used to do gymnastics at school, I think they’re being too dismissive of the sport. I found it to be really fun and I actually enjoyed playing with the different apparatus.

- Coach Kelly asked the group of students if there is anyone who would like to volunteer and demonstrate some basic gymnastics. Miranda without thinking, blurted out a big fat “NO!” and she was subsequently chosen to demonstrate first. I don’t think I saw Coach Kelly teaching them any moves. So how is Miranda supposed to demonstrate anything? Maybe this wasn’t their first gymnastics class?

Why did Miranda throw those clubs like that? It’s like she really wanted them to be flung far far away from her

- Miranda is handed a pair of gymnastics clubs and as expected, she flopped really bad. Kate’s next and she hurts herself by dropping one of the sticks on her foot. I did not expect that; She seemed so confident. Lizzie couldn’t contain her laughter and Coach Kelly does not respond to her reaction well and asks Lizzie to use the ribbon in front of the class.

For the honor of Grayskull! Sorry, I just had to include a She-ra reference in here

- Lizzie shocks everyone by being so graceful and elegant with the ribbon. When watching this episode back then, I think I already knew Hilary Duff had prior training in gymnastics. She could do cartwheels, flips and all the sort.

- Kate who just cannot let Lizzie outshine her asks Coach Kelly if she can be given a second chance to re-do the demonstration to which she agrees and proceeds to ask her to do it again on the spot, with the ribbons this time. Kate flops once again.

Oh Kate, just give it up! You stink at rhythmic gymnastics

- Coach Kelly who was so impressed by Lizzie’s natural ability persuades her to represent the school in the ‘Rhythmic Gymnastics Regional Competition’. Lizzie isn’t so sure about it but Coach Kelly asks her to take some time to think about it.

A Big Decision to Make

- Lizzie fills in all the details with her best friends and they support her to actually go for it. Side note: the number of times they cut to the scene when Kate hurt her foot is ridiculously funny hahaha. At home, she also asks her parents if she should pursue it to which they give the generic answer of yes because that’s what parents do. 

An athlete’s dream is to appear on a cereal box

- Lizzie proceeds to dream about winning a gold medal in rhythmic gymnastics and even dreams about her picture appearing on a toasted oat meal cereal box. She smiles in her sleep and I believe that is the moment when she is going to go for it for all its glory.

- The next day, Lizzie still reeling from her dream announces to Gordo and Miranda that she made the decision to be a gymnast, which surprises them both as they had mixed feelings about it.

‘Olympic’ Training Montage

- We get a special montage with a surprisingly catchy music track of Lizzie training for the competition. Here are some of my rundowns of what was shown:

1. Lizzie struggles to wake up at 5:00 am and Gordo shakes her to wake her up. Wow, Gordo is fully committed to making this documentary for Lizzie; Waking up before 5:00 am just to go over to her house to film her?! Did he stay over or did Lizzie’s parents let him in lol?

2. Her mom prepares her a cup of several raw eggs to drink. I wouldn’t dare drink it but thank goodness Lizzie poured them onto a pan to fry them. Phew!

3. Lizzie has a one-to-one training session with Coach Kelly. A super intensive one I will say. However, Lizzie seems to be managing pretty well....

...for the most part

This All Better Be Worth It

- Lizzie is found by her friends in a state of exhaustion and couldn’t bring herself to stay awake. Kate, now with a foot brace, pops up with her posse and delivers this line that is immortalized as a forever popular gif:

Remember when .coms were included in jokes?

- Gordo burns her good by asking her to repeat what she said into the camera and tells her he’s casting the part of the bitter talentless girl. Oh, snap! Kate is such a pain in this episode. Can’t she just stop being so obsessed with Lizzie being better than her in one thing?

Introducing Larry Tudgeman

- We actually got a mention of Larry in the first episode when he was caught on camera picking his nose and eating his snot by Danny Kessler. But this time, we got to actually see him in the flesh. I actually love Larry; He is kinda like Gordo but only much weirder and nerdier.

- Kate puts on her popular girl charm and asks him to do a little favor for her, which we will find out towards the end of the episode.

- Lizzie is baking cookies at home, which worries Jo because she has noticed that every-time Lizzie bakes, it’s because there is something bothering her. Lizzie tells her mom it’s because she’s stressed about competing but the truth is, she is just not passionate about the sport.

Time to Compete!

- It’s the day of the competition and Lizzie is busy warming up while Gordo is filming her and providing commentary for his documentary. He trips over a pile of gymnastics equipment and accidentally angles his camera up over to the ceiling and catches Larry doing something fishy. Lizzie’s turn is next and she starts her routine.

- He tells Miranda about Larry and they both try to help Lizzie from getting sabotaged by him. During her routine, she does a great job so far but when she tosses the hula hoop up in the air, Larry catches it with a broom. Lizzie froze a little because she did not expect her hoop to disappear but luckily, Gordo with his quick thinking throws Lizzie a ribbon and she continues her routine.

- Larry is then spotted by Miranda, who is armed with a fire-extinguisher and threatens to spray him if he doesn’t drop the hula hoop. He drops it and Lizzie manages to catch it at the right time and finishes her routine strong. Kate is stunned her plan failed.

Honestly, Kate always seems to get the funniest edit

- She then storms out of the gym and Gordo catches her leaving with his camera and she was basically caught red handed.

Smile for the camera sunshine

Lizzie’s Confession

- Lizzie wins 1st place despite the setback. That’s a little surprising considering the fact that she just started training for it but amazing job nonetheless.

- Her parents congratulates her for winning the competition but Lizzie confesses to them that she hates rhythmic gymnastics and the only reason she likes it is because she’s good at it. Her parents are supportive of her regardless of her position. Such understanding parents; My parents would have been the opposite.

Overall Thoughts

- In my opinion, Lizzie suddenly realizing she’s good at rhythmic gymnastics and actually winning 1st place in a regional competition is kind of a one-off plot device thing for Hilary to showcase her gymnastics prowess on Lizzie Mcguire. It’s just not realistic to me but this is fiction and loopholes like that aren’t meant to be analyzed deeply by people like me.

- That being said, I do really like the underlying message presented in this episode, which is we should pursue something we are absolutely passionate in and commit to it. And if we haven’t discovered what our destiny is yet, it’s never too late to figure that out.

[loki-subterfuge]

Irked

Author: lokilover9 Chapter: #20 Rating:Teen The morning following the storm, Shandi made her way to the kitchen and found a note next to the coffee maker from Loki. ‘I heard my unexpected absence yesterday, left you rather concerned. Should it reoccur, Kroshka suggested leaving you a horse tranquilizer. I opted for a note, instead. Currently, I'm inspecting the grounds for damages and forest debris from the storm. Tell me when you're ready to go. ;) Yours truly, Brat.’ She poured a bowl of Fruit Loops. “A horse tranquilizer? You're in deep doos doos, Natskies.” Loki's secret destination turned out to be a Mini Golf course and minus some amusing mishaps, the two quite enjoyed themselves. While returning to the car, he couldn't stop smirking and Shandi finally caved. “Okay, let's have it. I can tell you're ‘dying’ to comment.” “You're hilarious.” He laughed. “It was enough one ball struck the ass of a senior, then a second flew beyond the fence, but a third nearly decapitated a squirrel.” “Well..he shouldn't have sat atop the challenge marker. I thought the little twerp was part of it.” “Yes, but you were to aim the ball through it.” “Listen, I've a hard enough time seeing my feet, nevermind a tiny ball before them.” “Fair enough, but Norns you've a violent swing Lizzy. It's a good thing we weren't bowling. Imagine the carnage, then?” Before driving off, they received a call from Tony. “Hey guys. As it turns out, S.H.I.E.L.D didn't know of Shamus selling at the fair because the Antiques are owned by his son and common law wife. Their main shop is located in Jersey and ownership is under her name. With a fair happening there this weekend also, I'm guessing Shamus is selling here as a favor.” “Perfect timing.” Said Shandi. “You bet, Doll. On another note….” Shandi and Loki were elated to learn the couple were expecting. “Ahhh! Does this mean I get to play auntie? I'm going to spoil your little one, rotten!” “Maybe I'll postpone any shopping until this missions over.” Said Pepper. “Nat expressed the same.” “You must celebrate with some Asgardian Whiskey, Tin Man. Thor should still possess a few bottles.” “Not after the birthday incident.” Said Pepper. “He's forbidden to drink that, like you're forbidden to conjure him gifts, Loki.” “As you wish, Virginia.” “Yeah, see Cactus? You traumatized my girl.” The call ended and Loki chuckled. “I conjured him a blow up doll of the hulk, with breasts, a lacy bra and feathered butt plug.” Shandi rubbed her brow. “Oh my goddd. You're truly warped.” “Eh he he he.” Carters Bakery was busy when they arrived and Shandi went straight to the ladies room, in the basement. It had recently been renovated, given three new stalls, each fully private from floor to ceiling. While doing her business, she paid no mind to another who’d entered, until hearing an oddly familiar sound outside her door. “Hello? Who's there?” Footsteps quickly faded, after the entrance door closed and she carried on. Upstairs, Alice was behind the counter, aiding Mrs. Carter, Beth was working in the back and Loki patiently waited for Shandi at a two seater table. Focused on his phone, he hadn't seen Tanya enter until she purposely stood in his view. Clad with thick makeup, heavy perfume, a snug, cut off t and jeans so tight, they sported a camel toe, he thought her absurd. Especially when parking it on the opposite chair, with a sly grin. “Hello friend. Remember me?” “Can't say as I do.” He flatly replied. Her frustration due to insult, was hardly concealed behind a fake smile. “The grocery store?” “Oh..right. That seat is reserved for my wife. Would you mind?” Tanya pouted and twirled a lock of her hair. “Does she accompany you everywhere?” Loki replied, politely. “Not that it's any of your business, but I prefer it that way.” Ignoring his comment, she leaned onto the table, attempting to lure his gaze to her cleavage. “What a crime one so tantalizingly handsome would waste himself on only one.” He returned to his phone. “Your time would be better spent elsewhere. Good day.” Mrs. Carter then approached and customers lessened their chatter, when she plunked a bag down before Tanya. “These are what you came for, yes? Daddy's steak pies? Today, they're going on his tab. Now, be off.” A short, stout, woman, close in age to Alice, she carried an air of one you’d hesitate crossing, yet it was clear by her tone and demeanor, Tanya frequently indulged. With a smug glare, the young woman quietly left. Once out of sight, Mrs. Carter had no sooner introduced herself as Judy when a young girl came tugging on her mother's arm. “They're out of order and I really have to go.” “The washrooms?” Asked Judy. “No they aren't, Cassie.” “But, the sign said so.” “What sign?” “On the door and there's a lady inside asking for help.” Loki was downstairs in seconds and found Shandi trapped in her stall, by three large pieces of duct tape across the door. “What the fuck?” Magic quickly peeled them away and when she stepped out, sweaty and flustered, he was genuinely concerned. “Are you alright? How long have you been in there?” “Since we arrived.” She dabbed her face with a paper towel. “Why the hell would somebody do this?” Judy suddenly appeared, gasped at the scene, then scowled. “Because they aren't playing with a full deck. Good heavens girl, are you hurt at all?” “No.” Shandi replied. “Might I ask who you're referring to?” “Tanya. I heard you'd the misfortune of already meeting her?” Alice arrived and her mouth fell agape. “Unbelievable, she hasn't been back two weeks!” “You're surprised?” Asked Judy. “She must've come from doing a duct tape run for daddy, before coming for his dinner.” By this point, Shandi was visibly pissed and Loki gained her attention with a kiss to the temple. “Please Elizabeth, try hard not to let this upset yourself, or the baby?” He then addressed Judy. “Are you certain she's responsible?” “I'd bet my life on it, son.” “I still don't understand.” Said Shandi. “What was her intent and how was she aware I was down here?” “I'm guessing she saw you enter together, via the window, then watched yourself head downstairs. Her intent, was to access him.” Judy gestured towards Loki and Shandi stared up at him, subconsciously crossing her arms. “And did she?” Battling a smirk, he replied. “Briefly, but I was quick to dismiss her.” She relaxed again. “Oh...well okay then.” Cassie and her mother entered, so Loki excused himself to wait upstairs. When Alice followed, he asked if Tanya was prone to such behavior. “When learning you’d encountered her through Laura, Beth and I gave a subtle warning to Elizabeth, hoping not to raise needless concerns. In light of this, you need to be better informed.” Judy waited as Shandi washed her hands, apologized for the incident, then offered her and Loki free lunch, plus any other intended purchases. When Cassie was settled in a stall, her mother was introduced as Rachel and a short conversation began. “I gather princess evil has struck again?” “Unfortunately, yes.” Judy replied. Rachel shook her head. “Was that your husband, honey?” Shandi nodded. “Then you've a problem.” The stall reopened, all went quiet and Judy shot Rachel a reassuring wink. “You can always call Dahlia or I, if you need to.” “You're busy, Judy.” “It doesn't matter.” Rachel smiled. “Thanks.” The bakery was empty when Shandi returned and as Rachel and her daughter left, Loki insisted they accept Judys offer. She requested they remain until after she made a call, excused herself, then Beth nonchalantly locked the Bakery’s door and lit the closed sign. Once the couple were served and seated, the ladies retreated into the back and Shandi whispered. “Don't you find it odd we’re locked in?” “Apparently, Judy likes privacy for such calls.” “Huh?” At that moment, Judy's angered voice rang loud and clear through the walls. “GOD DAMMIT, SCOTT! SHE TRAPPED A PREGNANT WOMAN IN A BATHROOM STALL! YOU’VE HEARD FROM ENOUGH OF US WHAT SHE'S CAPABLE OF, GROW A DAMN SPINE AND STOP TURNING A BLIND EYE TO IT!” “Is she actually addressing the Chief of police, Tanya's father?” “Yes, Alice warned me of it.” “What? And you agreed to stick around? We can't risk him wanting to question us about this.” “OF COURSE THERE WERE NO WITNESSES, THERE NEVER IS! FROM NOW ON, COME FOR YOUR OWN PIES, SEND YOUR NEWEST ROOKIE OR HIRE A BLOODY COURIER! IF SHE STEPS ANOTHER FOOT IN MY BAKERY, I’M FILING TRESPASSING CHARGES, YA HEAR?” “Apparently, being questioned about today, will not occur. Tanya, however, may become a problem." “Why?” “According to Alice, she’s caused several divorces in this town, takes pride in such accomplishments and is known to be relentless in the pursuit of those she fancies.” “Are you implying she now fancies you? I mean no offense, but you only..met once.” Shandi recalled the immediate effect Loki had had on her and the thought of anyone else trying to win his affections, sparked unpredictable jealousy at a level she'd never experienced, until Tanya entered the picture. And of course being the God of Mischief, Loki couldn't help but tease, finding amusement in her reactions. “Do you not think it possible, she could?” “I never said that.” “It may be pure physical attraction.” “It's pure stupidity thinking you can boink a guy, buy taking the actions she did.” Loki cackled at her frown. “Boink? There's a way of putting it. Does that mean I'm, boink-able?” A smirk curled on his lips when she blushed. ‘Oh lord.’ “I'm hungry. Let's eat now, Clifford.” ‘I'm hungry too, Pet. Yet not for a sandwich.’ “Certainly.” Once Judy regained her calm, the women reappeared, sat at the next table and without hesitation, began speaking about Tanya. They revealed she'd been absent from town almost a year and always returned to Scott after a relationship elsewhere went sour, or they'd have a blow out of sorts, then he'd allow her back. Her daddy's weakness, she was spoiled to an atrocious degree and most in town, were reluctant to challenge her with Scotts position. They warned she's a master manipulator and liar, lacks empathy and respect, is highly charismatic and applies these talents along with her beauty, seeking out the hearts of unattainable men to appease her ego. Once realizing her charms have failed, or she's rejected after an affair, her talents are then used destroying her desires life, regardless of who else she hurts to succeed. Shandi was silent, thinking Tanya was indeed despicable, when Loki spoke up. “Has she ever been violent?” Alice and Beth looked to Shandi, as Judy responded. “Yes. That's why we're telling you all of this.”

[zennyshoneybunch]

Mystically Destined - The Musical (Chapter 7 - Wicked Feelings)

- Girl! Get up, Mr. Han and The Mystic Boys are on TV!

Lucy erupted through Lizzy’s room like a tornado, her voice too high pinched and fast for so early in the morning. Lizzy heard her turn on the TV, but her response consisted in a very disinterested “Hm-hm.”, followed by a thug on the covers to hide her head.

- What? Now that you’re friends with them you don’t get excited anymore? You’re the worst friend you know? You’re all friendy-friendy with these gorgeous guys and you don’t even take the opportunity to introduce me.

- Luce, please, I barely slept all night, can we talk later?

Lizzy felt her friend sitting on the bed next to her.

- Liz, did something happen last night? Did Jihyun hurt you again? Because, girl I’m telling you, if he did I’ll march down to that pub today and I will actually cut his damn ball-

- Lucy! For the love of God. Nothing happened I was just not sleepy… until now! Now I’m really, really sleepy please!

- Fine. I have an appointment in twenty minutes anyway. But we will talk about this again sleepyhead.

Lucy uncovered Lizzy’s head just enough to plant a small kiss and left her room. The girl kept her eyes closed but she knew she couldn’t drift back to sleep now, not after all the noise and Jihyun talking. Now her thoughts were all filled with her former boyfriend and his fiancé all over again, just like in the night before.

Making peace with the fact that she was wide awake, Lizzy pushed the covers down and rubbed her eyes.

Lizzy ~ “What's the time? Seems it's already morning.”

She looked at the opened up window, the one she forgot to close before laying on the bed.

Lizzy ~ “I see the sky, it's so beautiful and blue.”

Forcing herself up, she walked to her desk were the TV was still on. Lucy was right, the boys were there giving an interview and Jihyun was the one with the close up, speaking with that mature and soft look of his.

Lizzy ~ “The TV's on but the only thing showing is a picture of you.”

Half way across the city, Jihyun was getting out of bed and heading to the kitchen. His face and messed up hair a solid proof of the rough night he had.

Jihyun ~ “Oh, I get up and make myself some coffee.”

He sat by the kitchen island setting the mug down and grabbing one of the newspapers the maid must have left.

Jihyun ~ “I try to read a bit but the story's too thin.”

Placing the newspaper down again he mussed up his already disheveled hair.

Jihyun ~ “I thank the lord above, you're not here to see me, in this shape I'm in.”

Lizzy turned the TV off and moved to the kitchen. Jihyun left his coffee untouched and headed to the room again.

Lizzy & Jihyun ~ “Spending my time. Watching the days go by. Feeling so small, I stare at the wall, hoping that you think of me too. I'm spending my time.”

She took an apple from the fruit bowl only to put it back in its place again. She didn’t really had an appetite.

Lizzy ~ “My *friend keeps telling me, "Hey, life will go on."

He sunk down on the bed, hands holding his head.

Jihyun ~ “Time will make sure I'll get over you, oh!”

They both ran a hand through the hair, pulling it back.

Lizzy & Jihyun ~ “This silly game of love you play, you win only to lose.”

Lizzy ~ “Ohohohhhh.”

Jihyun got up from the bed and moved to the window. He could see the east side of the big park extending right in front of the apartment.

Lizzy walked to the kitchen window. There she could also see a part of the park, only it was the west side of it.

Jihyun ~ “I'm spending my time.”

Lizzy ~ “Spending my time.”

Jihyun ~ “Watching the days go by.”

Lizzy ~ “Feeling so small, I stare at the wall.”

Jihyun pressed his hand against the window’s glass.

Jihyun ~ “Hoping that you think of me too.”

They both walked away from the windows, walking to their respective bathrooms.

Lizzy ~ “I'm spending my time.

Jihyun ~ “Spending my time.”

Looking into the bathroom mirrors all they could see was the face of the other reflected in it.

Lizzy ~ “I can't live without your loooove.”

Jihyun ~ “I'm spending my time,

Lizzy ~ “I'm spending my time, my time, my time.”

Jihyun ~ “The bed is too big without you honey, honey.”

Tugging at her t-shirt’s hem, she pulled it up through her head and tossed it on the floor, her bare skin exposed to the chilly morning temperature giving her goosebumps.

Lizzy ~ “I'm spending my time.”

Jihyun also took his shirt off, exposing his well-defined but slender and not too worked out chest, and hanged it behind the door.

Jihyun ~ “Ohoohohhh.”

They took off their bottoms, Lizzy leaving hers on the floor, Jihyun hanging his.

Lizzy & Jihyun ~ “I'm spending my time.”

They walked into the shower, ready to start the day.

Jumin walked into the kitchen to find Jihyun bent over the glass table, surrounded by scribbled pieces of paper, some intact, some crumpled, hard at work.

- Good morning. You’re up early.

- Good morning, Jumin. I didn’t sleep much.

- Yes, I can tell. You look ghastly.

- Yes, thank you, my friend.

Jumin draw nearer the mint haired man, peeking over his head.

- Are you writing lyrics again?

- Hm-hm.

- That’s good.

The dark haired friend moved away from the table to the counter, opening and closing doors until he finally found a mug.

- So, can you tell me what the problem with your house is again?

- As far as Rika is concerned, it has a severe bug infection.

Jumin chuckled turning the coffee machine on.

- A severe bug infection. So that’s what you call avoiding sleeping with your fiancé.

- Jumin, that sounds a little strange…

- I agree.

He took a sip of his coffee, leaning against the counter, his legs crossed at the ankles.

- Does this not tell you something is not right? How will you marry this woman if you can’t stomach the thought of spending the night with her? I’m not very knowledgeable about that kind of things, but I’m sure this is not a very auspicious way to start.

V sighed and leaned behind in his chair, his head falling back and his eyes closed.

- You’re right. Of course you’re right. But my head is a mess right now, I just need some time away to think and… I don’t know, I just need time.

- Time away, huh.

- Yes. What do you think?

- I think that you should take that time if you feel like you need it.

Jumin set the empty mug on the counter behind him and crossed his arms, watching his friend attentively.

- So, does that mean we should avoid the pub for now?

- No!

He immediately answered, almost jumping from his chair, just as Jumin expected. He raised his brow smirking at V who cleared his throat with a slight tinge of pink in his cheeks.

- I mean, I don’t think that will be necessary.

- I see. You don’t need time away from Lizzy, which means you can think around her, then?

V let out a small chuckle.

- No, not at all.

Jumin shook his head. Of course he couldn’t really understand what his friend was going through, since he had never fallen in love himself – and judging by the effect it had on V, he was sure he would never want to either -, but he knew he had never seen him act like this. And he was hopping V would make up his mind and have some peace and well deserved happiness.

- I need to go to the pub right now, do you want to come?

V glanced up at the clock in the wall. It was still early, she wouldn’t be there yet, if that was what he was thinking about.

- Later. I want to finish these lyrics first.

- Very well.

With a pat on V’s shoulder, Jumin turned and left his apartment. He thought about asking the concierge to call him a cab, but then decided to walk instead. It was a nice morning and he would probably get there faster on foot than by car.

As soon as he could make out the pub’s entrance, he spotted a familiar looking color of girl’s hair, even though she was being partially covered by some guy’s body.

The man was cornering a very nervous and scared Lizzy between the pub’s wall and a protruding stone pillar from the next building, towering over her. Not that he was very tall, he was definitely shorter than Jumin.

Taking large strides Jumin reached the couple, immediately gripping the guy’s shoulder and asking him in his low and calm voice.

- May I help you?

The kid sneered looking back, no doubt ready to insult whoever had the balls to interrupt his playful sexual harassment. But one look into Jumin’s steel gray eyes and the scornful smiled was wiped clear from his features.

- I believe the lady told you to leave her alone. I hope there is no need for me to tell you the same in my own words. I will not sound as kind as her.

Jumin’s monotonic voice sounding cold and hard made the guy tremble in his distasteful choice of clothes.

- N-no, Sir. I'll leave.

The guy scrambled to move away, but instead of allowing him to go, Jumin’s grasp only grew tighter.

- Don't you have something to say first?

- I-I’m sorry, Sir.

- …To the lady…

Jumin’s voice sounded more like a growl, his patience running thinner by the second.

- Oh, hm, yeah s-sorry miss.

As soon as Jumin let go of the kid’s shoulder, he ran away like the devil himself was chasing him.

Lizzy’s entire body seemed to lose its energy and she wobbled a little against the wall. Calmly Jumin grabbed her arm trying to steady and avoid her from falling to the ground.

- Thank you, Jumin. I was really at a tight spot here.

- You should be more careful. This is not a bad street, but there are bad seeds everywhere. Why are you standing at the pub’s door all alone?

- I came in early expecting to do some of the chores that I ended up not taking care of yesterday... But no one’s here yet.

- Vanderwood should get you a key, then.

That was a commendable trait, he thought. Of course he knew she had to be a good kind of person if she was able to hold his friend’s heart so tightly in her hands. Nonetheless, a lot of time had passed and she could have turned out to be someone very different from the girl Jihyun used to know. After all, Jihyun’s feelings were still tied up to the puppy love they once shared. It was a good thing to see for himself that she was perhaps yet deserving of those feelings.

Lost in his thoughts, while the girl was awkwardly trying to respond to his observation, Jumin noticed something dark tinting the back of her pants, right below her right knee. Looking behind her he found that there was a broken piece of what seemed to be a beer bottle sticking out, tucked between the stones of the pillar. She must have hurt herself without realizing it, trying to step away from the guy’s reach.

Now staring at ler leg he could hear the girl fall into a weird silence, and the next thing he was grabbing her arm and pulling her behind.

- Come with me.

- Wha… I…

He opened the pub’s door with his key and pulled her all the way to the bar. Moving to the back room it didn’t take long to find what he was looking for. Vanderwood and his cleaning compulsion could be very handy sometimes.

He walked back to the bar where Lizzy was waiting with a puzzled expression. Cute. He set the first aid kit on the counter and faced her. Her eyes were wide open and she looked frozen to the spot. Was he really that frightening?

- You have blood on your leg.

- I… do?

She tried to look for it, checking her legs nervously.

- May I take a look?

- Oh, but it's nothin-

He effortlessly lifted her by the waist, setting her on the counter. The girl was too stunned to utter a word. Carefully not to hurt her, he rolled up her right pants leg, trying his best not to touch her bare skin. He wasn’t one to try and cop-a-feel. He rolled it all the way to her knee, exposing it. The wound was barely more than a scratch, definitely not that big for the amount of blood that seeped to the fabric.

Actually what really called for his attention more than the wound was the scar she had on her knee. It was strangely fascinating, the – smaller than he thought – trail of rugged and slightly discolored skin that marked half of her knee.

As if a strange force was pulling him, his hand moved on its own in her leg’s direction, hovering above it for a second, ready to touch the scar, until he saw her flinch. He immediately moved his hand away.

- Is this scar from your accident?

- Yes... Jihyun told you about it, did he?

- He did. Actually everyone knows about it by now... I hope you don't mind, they all like and care for you. Jihyun included.

- Yes, I know. Everyone’s been really nice to me.

- Do you mind if I tend to your wound?

- Oh, please you don’t have to trouble yourself…

- It’s no trouble.

He opened the first aid kit box and retrieved the antiseptic and a large band aid from it. He then held her leg gently in a position where he could reach the wound without making her uncomfortable, cleaning it carefully.

He glanced at her, making sure he wasn’t hurting her. Her face was all red which was actually very adorable. He couldn’t remember the last time he had done something like treating someone else’s injuries. Actually he was pretty sure he had never done something of the sort. It was… strange but in a rewarding way.

Still he could feel how uncomfortable she was. She was always very wary of him. As if she felt like she should treat him with some sort of deference. Always polite but unreachable. Or perhaps she just didn’t felt comfortable talking with her ex-lover’s best friend.

Whatever it was it was making Jumin feel eerie about it. He was perfectly aware that his behavior and demeanor was ages away from the others’, but he was not unfriendly or unpleasant. And for some reason he wanted her to enjoy his company too.

- I know I'm his best friend and probably the only one besides you two who knows the whole story, but I want you to know that I don't take sides. It's not in my nature to act based on emotions. So if you ever feel like you need someone to talk... besides those four nut jobs, I hope you... I want you to know that you can rely on me.

Saying she looked surprised was an understatement. Her big turquoise eyes were as big as dinner plates.

- I thank you, Jumin. That is very nice of you.

He placed the band aid on the injury and looked in her eyes.

- You know, you don’t have to act so rigid around me… I know I’m not as funny as the boys but… I wish you would see me as a friend too.

- I would really like it if we could be friends.

She gave him a warm and sweet smile and he responded with a short but also warm one of his own.

He helped her out of the counter and she crouched down pushing the leg’s jeans to its place.

- He is staying at my apartment right now.

Her hands stopped as she looked up at him.

- What?

- Jihyun. He asked to stay with me for a while. I agreed, so he is staying at my apartment for the time being. I don’t know if that gives you any peace of mind or not, but I thought you would be interested to know. So I am telling you… as your friend.

He saw how her entire body relaxed even as she tried to conceal it. She stood up and brushed her jeans obviously trying to feign indifference.

- That is really not any of my business, we are just good friends, but…

Lizzy faced him and reached for his hand, taking it in hers as she squeezed it with a smile. It almost surprised him how small her hand felt in his.

- Thank you, Jumin.

He felt his face heat up a little and was about to answer her when the sound of someone opening the door interrupted their chat.

Vanderwood stopped at the door looking at them.

- Oh. Are we having a busy morning today?

Feeling the brunette’s piercing gaze on them, Jumin felt like he had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar and awkwardly moved away from the girl, sweeping his hands into his pockets.

- Lizzy is here to conclude the chores she left unfinished yesterday. You should be thankful for having such a conscientious and industrious person working for you.

Vanderwood approached them, placed the box on the counter and raised his brow at Jumin.

- Should I, now? And are you here to conscientiously help her?

Jumin felt his face heat up yet again and cleared his throat.

- Have you established a proper work schedule for her? She has been working hard since you hired her, with barely any rest.

- It’s true she has been working hard so far. You should take the day off tomorrow, Lizzy.

He got behind the counter, taking the things he brought out of the box. Lizzy leaned on the counter, clearly excited with the idea.

- But will you be all by yourself? You’ll have a hard time if we have a busy night again.

- I’ll be fine. Besides, I don’t want people to say I’m enslaving you.

Vanderwood gave Jumin a sideways look and smirked.

- Ok, thank you. Then I’ll get to work now.

She tied her hair up in a bun, some strands of coppery blond hair falling on her beautiful slender neck. Jumin found himself captivated by it.

Jumin ~ “The world was on fire and no one could save me but you. It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.”

What was he thinking? He couldn’t actually be ogling the girl, could he? She was V's girl and he should never allow that to slip of his mind.

Jumin ~ “I'd never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you. And I'd never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you.”

Jumin teared his eyes away. Vanderwood was cleaning and straightening behind the bar, pretending to be oblivious of Jumin’s interest in his new waitress.

Jumin ~ “No, III don't want to fall in love.”

Vandy ~ “This girl is only gonna break your heart.”

Jumin pushed his silky black hair back with a movement of the hand and discretely glanced at Lizzy again.

Jumin ~ “No, III don't want to fall in love.”

Vandy ~ “This girl is only gonna break your heart.”

Be that as it may, she was a lovely and kind girl, nothing like the types he usually met that would fawn over him claiming adoration and love when all they cared for was his money and fame.

Jumin ~ “With you. With you.“

Vandy ~ “This girl is only gonna break your heart.”

Yes, V was a lucky man, for having someone clearly holding him so dear in her heart. Jumin wasn’t sure he would ever find someone like that for himself. If only Lizzy didn’t already belong to V…

Jumin ~ “What a wicked game you played to make me feel this way. What a wicked thing to do to let me dream of you.”

He slowly walked away from the bar, moving closer to Lizzy who was busy picking up a few bottles and glasses left on the tables, putting them on a tray and wiping the tables with a humid cloth in fluid dancing movements.

Jumin ~ “What a wicked thing to say you never felt this way. What a wicked thing to do to make me dream of you. And III don't want to fall in love.”

He really wanted to touch her fallen strands of hair, slowly sliding his finger through it.

Vandy ~ “This girl is only gonna break your heart.”

Jumin ~ “No, III don't want to fall in love.”

He wouldn’t mind touching the skin of her neck either, to make sure it was as soft as it looked.

Vandy ~ “This girl is only gonna break your heart.”

Jumin ~ “With you.”

Jumin walked until he was right behind her, almost whispering at her ear.

Jumin ~ “The world was on fire and no one could save me but you. It's strange what desire will make foolish people do. I'd never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you. And I'd never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you.”

He backed away from her until he felt the cold of the window’s glass against his back.

Jumin ~ “No, III don't want to fall in love.”

Vandy ~ “This girl is only gonna break your heart.”

Still he couldn’t take his eyes away from her as she waltzed from table to table with light ballet moves, in perfect harmony with his singing.

Jumin ~ “No, III don't want to fall in love.”

Vandy ~ “This girl is only gonna break your heart.”

He rubbed the back of his neck.

Jumin ~ “With you.“

Vandy ~ “This girl is only gonna break your heart.”

He struggled against the need he felt to dance with her while pretending to help her clean. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t.

Jumin ~ “With you.“

Vandy ~ “This girl is only gonna break your heart.”

He leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes, fighting the strange thoughts that were invading his usually so analytical brain.

Jumin ~ “No, IIIIIII…”

Vandy ~ “This girl is only gonna break your heart.”

His heart was feeling funny. Unless he considered the weird feelings that invaded him every time he had an argument with Amanda - which he wasn’t - he had never felt like that before in his life.

Jumin ~ “Nobody loves no one.”

But she was V’s. That was all he needed to know.

This night was another full busy night at the pub. The boys didn’t show up to rehearse their songs, but they did, all of them, decide to grab a drink.

Even Lucy showed up with a few friends, which allowed Lizzy to finally introduce her to the band.

Having all her new and old friends together made Lizzy extremely happy, especially since Lucy refrained from being rude or impolite to Jihyun. In fact Lizzy was sure she was just unable to resist his gentlemanly charm and kind demeanor. And also the fact that he was apparently avoiding sleeping with his fiancé, which Lizzy couldn’t resist to tell her friend all about, seemed to impress her a little, improving her mood towards her friend’s ex-boyfriend.

Only the said fiancé was missing. Thankfully! But no one mentioned the fact, as if she didn’t even existed in their lives.

Lizzy was taking a minute from waitressing, talking with her friends when a feminine voice rose above the pub’s rumble.

- Hey, you bunch of weirdos, did you miss me?

Everyone looked over to the door to find a tall and stylish girl standing there. She had a lovely blue blouse under her light brown leather jacket, a pair of dark denim jeans and brown jackboots. Her lovely ginger hair fell gracefully in waves over her shoulders and her beautifully deep blue eyes were filled with laughter.

- AMANDA!!!!

In one voice all the clients plus Zen, Yoosung and Seven screamed the girl’s name, throwing their arms up in a welcoming reception.

The girl laughed merrily and then lifted her index finger to her lips, hushing everyone to be quiet. Everyone immediately obeyed and a naughty smile appeared in her lips before she pointed at the crowd and winked.

Amanda ~ “Players! Put your pinky rings up to the moon.”

Everyone cheered. With one hand on her waist she moved her hips sensually.

Amanda ~ “Girls, what y'all trying to do? Twenty four karat magic in the air. Head to toe so player. Look out, uh!”

Amanda walked into the room with confident steps.

Amanda ~ “Pop pop, it's show time.”

Everyone ~ “Show time.”

Amanda ~ “Show time.”

Everyone ~ “Show time.”

She stopped right between Zen and Seven.

Amanda ~ “Guess who's back again? Oh they don't know?”

Zen & Seven ~ “Go on tell 'em.”

Amanda ~ “Oh they don't know?”

Zen & Seven ~ “Go on tell 'em.”

She moved in Jumin’s direction, tugging on her jacket’s lapels with a look of defiance in her eyes.

Amanda ~ “I bet they know soon as *I walk in. Wearing Cuban links, designer minks, inglewood's finest shoes.”

Everyone ~ “Whoop, whoop.”

She winked provocatively at him, turning her back and walking away with a thrust of the hip to the side.

Amanda ~ “Don't look too hard might hurt ya'self. Known to give the color red the blues. I'm too hot.”

Zen ~ “Hot damn.”

She moved to Saeran, even though he tried so hard to pass unnoticed, glued to the piano’s side, fanning herself with her hand.

Amanda ~ “Call the police and the fireman, I'm too hot.”

Seven ~ “Hot damn.”

She stroke the boy’s white and pink hair and winked at him.

Amanda ~ “Make a dragon wanna retire, man, I'm too hot.”

Zen & Seven ~ “Hot damn.”

She opened her arms to the crowd who cheered.

Amanda ~ “Say my name you know who I am, I'm too hot.”

Everyone ~ “Hot damn.”

Amanda ~ “Am I bad 'bout that money, break it down.”

She climbed onto an empty chair and from there to the table. Vanderwood gave her the evil eye, but she didn’t seem to care, throwing him a kiss instead.

Amanda ~ “Players only, come on, put your pinky rings up to the moon. Girls, what y'all trying to do? Twenty four karat magic in the air. Head to toe so player. Uh, look out!”

She jumped to the ground and outstretched her arm, hand opened.

Amanda ~ “Stop, wait a minute.

She walked through the crowd, throwing some sick dance moves.

Amanda ~ “Fill my cup, put some liquor in it. Take a sip, sign a check, Julio, get the stretch. Ride to Harlem, Hollywood, Jackson, Mississippi. If we show up, we gon' show out. Smoother than a fresh jar of Skippy.”

Zen and Seven ran to her and she let herself fall into Zen’s arms as if fainting.

Amanda ~ “I'm too hot.”

Zen ~ “Hot damn.”

Seven started to fan her with both his hands.

Amanda ~ “Call the police and the fireman, I'm too hot.”

Seven ~ “Hot damn.”

Zen put her back on the ground and the three of them scooched down smacking the floor with one hand and rising again.

Amanda ~ “Make a dragon wanna retire man, I'm too hot.”

Zen & Seven ~ “Hot damn.”

She pointed at Jihyun with both her index fingers and smiled at him. He smiled back, shaking his head.

Amanda ~ “Say my name you know who I am, I'm too hot.”

Everyone ~ “Hot damn.”

Amanda asked for everyone’s attention with her hands, and then, with a suggestive thrust of their hips, she, Zen and Seven walked to the back of the room.

Amanda ~ “Am I bad 'bout that money. Now, now, now watch me break it down like uh.”

Zen & Seven ~ “Twenty four karat, twenty four karat magic.”

Amanda ~ “What's that sound?”

Zen & Seven ~ “Twenty four karat, twenty four karat magic.”

Amanda ~ “Come on now.”

They lifted her and sat her on top of the piano.

Zen & Seven ~ “Twenty four karat, twenty four karat magic. Don't fight the feeling, invite the feeling, just put your pinky rings up to the moon. Girls, what y'all trying to do?”

Amanda ~ “Tell me what y'all trying to do.”

Everyone ~ “Twenty four karat magic in the air. Head to toe so player.”

She dramatically jumped back to the ground.  

Amanda ~ “Uh, look out.”

Everyone started applauding and cheering. Lizzy was amazed at how well-loved and well received Amanda was by every single one in that pub. Her attention was being requested by boys and girls alike, and she treated them all like long lost friends.

Distracted by the scene, suddenly Jumin’s voice reached her from behind.

- Like I said: loud and obnoxious.

She looked back at him and his face was so uncharacteristically annoyed she couldn’t avoid laughing.

*** Chapter Songs***

Spending my Time by Roxette*

Wicked Game by Chris Isaac

24k magic / Uptown Funk Mashup (by Bruno Mars & Mark Robson ft Bruno Mars)*

* Warning: I altered something on the song.

[junaeneous]

Love Yourself “Her” Album Commentary That No One Asked For

lET THE MUSIC STUDENT DO HER THING OKAY SHUSH

1; Intro: Serendipity 

THE MERE FACT THAT PARK JIMIN DID THE INTRO IS A1 FOLKS. You’re in the mood to cuddle? Serendipity. It’s raining and you feel Affectionate? Serendipity. You just wanna hear Jimin carry out the line “just let me love you” beautifully over a falsetto when you miss him? FUCKIN SERENDIPITY. 

Anyway melody wise it’s really simplistic, something I really love!!! in songs. It’s not complex or something that’ll have you...up? If that makes sense? Lol there’s a genre of music called minimalistic and it’s completely different to this, it’s more random and very spontaneous so it’s nothing like Serendipity but ya know simplistic, minimalistic... :D

anyway it’s really calming and soothing to listen to, with some minor chord changes and the highlight being Jimin’s voice so I for sure love <333333

2; DNA (title)

HOE

JUNGKOOK WHISTLING IN THE TEASER WAS TORTUROUS ENOUGH

AND THEN THIS SONG??

TAEHYUNG’S VOCALS NEED ENDLESS AWARDS AHHH

also I love the guitar’s role in this so much idk why?? it’s basically playing the chords over and over and changes in the pre-chorus but it’s sooo good?? I LOVE IT

I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT DROP I WILL TELL YOU THAT

synth + bts = perfection??

Rap line’s flow will always always always leave me impressed and stunned bc they’re all so flexible and can adapt to any beat/rhythm like??? true talent??? exceptionally smooth??

KIM SEOKJIN SINGING IS AMBROSIA TO ME YOU GUYS I CANNOT EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVED HEARING HIM I JUST LOVE HIS VOICE I LOVE HIM HIS VISUALS HE’S JUST AN OVERALL A1 TO THIS SONG OKAY FIGHT ME ON THIS

Hoseok’s (i presume?) “la la la la la la” THE BEST ADLIB WOW STAB ME

okay ahem getting too long

TAEHYUNG RAPPING GOT ME FUC--

3; Best of Me

Kim. Taehyung. Singing.

Gives me life. 

It truly does. 

When the song first began I was like “Aw is this gonna be a slow kinda song??” bUT I WAS TAKEN BY SURPRISE YET AGAIN

Also I’m getting a lot of fetus Bangtan vibes very well incorporated into this new style they’re going for. As in with vocal colour and just the very...essence of it reminds me a lot of their old stuff but improved and adapted to today’s style and I love it!!

Hoseok’s rapping just gets better with every song! Like if you listen to their earlier songs and compare them to their latest ones, you’ll genuinely be surprised at the difference, I can definitely hear the stable confidence when he’s doing his thing. I’m so so so so so impressed and shook and I reaaaally want to tell him that ahhh

4; Dimples (보조개)

I LOVED THIS SO MUCH WOW

KIM SEOKJIN HITTING HIGH NOTES AND SAYING “BABY” MAKES MY HEART SOAR YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND--

Of course, before you wonder why I haven’t mentioned Jungkook, it’s because I don’t need to say it: his vocals are on fucking point. In every song, when it’s his lines and his moment, he owns it, like you just know “yeah that’s Jungkook murdering me right now what a blissful death!” 

Also the way they sing this song, drawled out and swung just brings forth a lot of envy and pride from me, because singing with that style--all swung and drawled out--while holding out your vibrato and making sure your diction is good is hard and they make it sound so easy, like I stan vocal kings wow??

Melody wise, it’s the kind of song that’ll be stuck in my head all day and I don’t think I’ll ever want it out tbh. The production behind this was aimed at a certain criteria and they definitely hit it. I won’t go into a ramble about all the stuff I can pick out, I’ll just tell you that it’s beautiful and I love it and I could only hope to produce music to such calibre. <333333

5; Pied Piper

BODY ROLLS

FOR DAAAAAAAAAYS

they’re really going for higher registers this comeback and I AM ALL FOR IT.

AGAIN THE GUITAR(S)

they’re kind of blended into the back but I’m still picking it out because we study picking apart a song instrument by instrument in music and now I can’t turn it off lmao

BUT STILL THE BASS GUITAR HAS ME SNATCHED WOW!!!!!

THE ADLIB IN THIS IS AMAAAAAAAAAAZING. At first listen you may not catch it, but from frequent listening you’ll see what I mean, it’s so good!!!!

Also I know I’m not commenting on the lyrics and that’s bc I haven’t seen them yet, I’m going solely by what I can hear and I’m sure the lyrics are...well, we’ll see :D

Jimin and Jin are ready to get people to swerve and bOI I”M SURE PEOPLE ARE SWERVING

their vocal colours are really showing and I 100% SUPPORT

6; SKIT: Billboard Music Awards Speech

do I even need to comment on this?

More than being an ARMY and stanning such a wonderful group of hard-working, humble, wonderful men, as an Asian it was such a Moment for me to see them win? Namjoon’s speech was brilliant, their faces were so adorable and they looked so happy it was worth getting up at two in the morning on a school day to watch it like i literally did not care and i was smiling the whole day after 

Growing up, I watched a loooot of cartoons and T.V shows and I never really saw Asians take lead roles and do heroic things as much as I’d have liked to. I cherished Mulan, Pocahontas, Jungle Book and the likes because it was the closest I got to seeing characters (esp. females for the first two!!) from diverse backgrounds doing heroic things

that pride seeped into that day for sure, I was so beyond proud that they got the recognition that they deserved. 

it sucks that it opened a gateway for award shows (no shade hahaha :D) to milk the shit out of them for views and such, but the bigger impact that it had will stick with me for long, long time. I hope that there’ll be more POC representation in the Western world, because skin colour will never define who gets to be a hero and who doesn’t. 

ahem sorry moving on!!

7; MIC Drop

THE WAY THIS STARTED ALREADY GOT ME HYPED

Hoseok opening? 

Y E S.

The texture is rather thin for this but that’s the point, your focus has to be on the them and how they’re very rapidly increasing the entire fandom’s thirst level lmao

I’M SURE THE LYRICS ARE FIRE I’M GETTING THOSE VIBES

LIZZY I AGREE WITH YOUR STATEMENT 

their raspy voices and screaming literally made me feel this rush?? similar to going on a rollercoaster and then that fuckin thing just drops and you’re like hOlY shIT

yeah that’s me

watch me bass boost this and annoy my neighbours for the next 24 years :D

8; 고민보다 Go

why did the flute/recorder remind me of Mask Off jsnldljdlj

THE SCREECHING IN THE BACKGROUND LMAOOO

Jungkook’s “do you want some?” UHM OFC I DO WHAT DO YOU MEA--

I found the contrast of layers in this song really interesting because they made it work. Like wow, I’ve heard them separately but I would never think to combine them and that’s genius!! I’m unsure of how to explain what I mean, but the sound is really unique and fresh and 11/10 so there!

Taehyung coming for me yet again in this song but it’s cool guys I’ll just lET HIM TAKE MY IT’S ALL GOOD

“Where the party at” SAME I WANNA KNOW TOO I’VE NEVER BEEN INVITED TO ONE

just kidding i just never want to go lol whoops

9; OUTRO: Her

Okay the piano combined with the electric keyboard is A GREAT WAY TO START YES I LOVE

THIS REMINDS ME OF BLANKET KICK (이불킥) AHHHHH

Namjoon starting this song honestly makes me so inexplicably happy, especially the “i’m looking for love” YOU GOT IT BOY WHAT DO YOU MEAN LOOKING DO I NEED TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU

Woo it’s got a repetitive melody, which occasionally changes and varies but ultimately comes back down to the main simple beat, which again, is purposeful I feel bc 1) it’s the outro 2) the focus should be on them slaying everyone 3) it’s a common feature and honestly not a bad thing, given they used it right!

HOSEOK SAYING “I CALL YOU HER, HER” CLEARED MY SKIN RAISED MY GRADES PAID OFF ALL MY DEBT AND RESURRECTED ME I’M--

there’s something about Yoongi’s rapping that’s so relaxing in this? This is something I always point out with Yoongi’s rapping in more of their relaxed songs, like the way he drawls and controls his volume is so...wow thanks for calming my soul Yoongi bless you!! It’s like he’s like describing something to the listener with vivid detail and a generous amount of enthusiasm, a very artful way of storytelling I’m in love!!

his lazy stretch of the chorus is 12/10 I’m applauding and I’m making everyone around me do the same

AAAND THAT’S IT!

I guess some of my opinions may have more detail or change completely when I look at the lyrics, considering I based this off solely what I could hear lol so trust me i’m gonna be severely shook!!!

if you read all of this thank you and ily here’s a cookie <3

[mytherapistsays-blog]

The Princess Switch is a Tale as Old as Time

The Princess Switch is a Tale as Old as Time ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ @MyTherapistSays ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ https://mytherapistsays.ca/the-princess-switch-is-a-tale-as-old-as-time/

Or… as old as the merging-of-two-frames editing technique. Vanessa Hudgens is the latest star to sink down to join in on the low budget Christmas movie train, playing two mysteriously identical strangers who swap places and assume each other’s identities. Sound familiar? The answer should be yes, because since time immemorial we’ve witnessed many a Disney starlet in more or less the same film. The question is, who did it better? Someone call Us Weekly, because we are blowing this sh*t wide open.

IT TAKES TWO

(MARY KATE & ASHLEY OLSEN, 1995)

Okay, to be fair (barring any outlandish conspiracy theories), these two actually are separate human beings, but the identity swap principle still applies. In this 90’s classic, orphan-girl/ inner-city-kid Amanda attempts to trespass explores the woods beyond the grounds of her summer camp and bumps (quite literally) into prim and proper Alyssa, who lives with her rich ass wealthy father, Roger. Amanda is about to be adopted by the Butkises, the family who collects kids for child labour- actually you know what, it was for child labour- and Alyssa is about to have the gold-digging stepmother from hell, Clarice. They decide to swap places so Alyssa can know what it’s like to be a real kid and Amanda can know what it’s like to have real human affection, and they work together to set up Alyssa’s social worker with Amanda’s father. Chaos, food fights, and less-than-romantic horseback rides ensue.

Pros: Olsen twins before their acting skills absolutely nosedived. Kirstie Alley. Whoever the rich dad’s driver was.

Cons: The Butkises. The horror that was THIS scene.

Most memorable line:

Amanda: It’s got to be that can’t-eat, can’t-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, World Series kind of stuff, right?

THE PARENT TRAP

(LINDSAY LOHAN, 1998)

Another unmistakable 90’s classic, which also coincidentally involves the same-but-not-the-same girls to meet over summer camp. Hallie is a cool, laid back Cali gal while Annie is a posh English girl. Despite a rocky start meeting at summer camp (what are the chances!) the girls realize they have the same birthday… and the same parents- wait, they’re sisters?! They decide to switch places so that they can like, actually MEET the other parent who has abandoned them for years, and set up their rich vineyard owning father with their classy but slightly disheveled mother, and also get rid of their treacherous stepmother to be, Meredith Blake. They succeed, and though this movie has the best cast and best soundtrack possible, it is seriously unsettling how f*cked up it is for their parents to keep them apart and live without one of their own daughters. What kind of co-parenting tactic is that?!

Pros: Dennis Quaid. Dennis Quaid. Dennis Quaid. The epic handshake sequence. Vineyards. London. The crackling-candy-wrapper-to-sound-like-static phone hack. Also Janice from Friends.

Ohhh. Myyyy. GAAAHD.

Cons: The cringey prank wars between Hallie and Annie that are honestly very telling of how frightening and ruthless 12 year old girls can be. The hot-pin-and-apple-as-a-homemade-ear-piercing-kit. Meredith and the lizard. This movie is not for the weak of stomach.

Most memorable line:

Hallie (or Annie, who tf knows): So if your Mom is my Mom and my Dad is your Dad… and we’re both born on October 11th, then you and I are… like… sisters.

THE LIZZIE MCGUIRE MOVIE

(HILARY DUFF, 2003)

In the best movie-from-a-TV-show production of all time, Lizzie and her, like what, eighth grade graduation class take a graduation trip to Italy (??? wtf? Is this PCA? How is everyone affording this?). Lizzie bumps into Paolo, a cute, charming Italian boy whose age I am really troubled by and don’t want to think about too much tbh, because I am already scarred from watching one too many episodes of Age Gap Couples. While Gordo is trapped in the Upside Down friend zone, Lizzie begins gallivanting around Rome with Paolo, who out of the blue drops a bomb on her that she is the exact Doppelganger for his former singing partner and could she like, assume her identity? Leave it to Lizzie McGuire to say yes, Kate willingly helping her out by covering for her (yes, hell really has freezed over) and shit to hit the fan. It all ends with Paolo being exposed for the weenie that he is (which we really should have anticipated from this lewk below):

We have Lizzie performing at the Colo freakin seum, while Gordo is clawing his way out of the friend zone (but I’m sure if Lizzie McGuire continued into their high school years she would have fallen for a Jesse McCartney or equivalent hottie of the day and dumped Gordo’s ass).

Pros: Italy. Pasta. Ethan Craft!

Cons: Paolo. No Miranda?!

Most Memorable Lines (because you can’t pick just one):

Kate: Lizzie McGuire, you are an outfit repeater!

Miss Ungermeyer: David Gordan. I think that’s Italian for ‘sneaky little brown noser with a hidden agenda’.

Miss Ungermeyer: Mr. Craft, you are in the most beautiful city in the world, is this having any effect on you?

Ethan: Yeah the cobble stones are like totally thrashing on my wheels.

Isabella: Sing to me, Paolo!

MONTE CARLO

(SELENA GOMEZ, 2011)

After years of saving from her shitty waitress job, Grace, a down-on-her-luck Texan girl fresh out of high school, finally gets to go to Paris with David Cassidy’s daughter her coworker Emma. Instead of the vacation of her dreams, she gets a shitty tour bus version of the city with Blair Waldorf as her salty stepsister, Meg, tagging along. It doesn’t take long for the girls to have a falling out and find themselves in a swanky hotel lobby to take shelter from the rainstorm that is kind of a metaphor for their disaster of a trip. Their luck changes when Grace is mistaken for a wealthy British heiress, and with some encouragement from Emma takes her place and fills in for her duties, which leads the three girls to Monaco. Grace falls for Theo, a local rich boy with other character qualities that don’t seem notable to me at the moment; Meg falls for an adventurous Aussie, and Emma just really wants to get home to her long term boyfriend Owen and install some dimmer lights. Of course the fiasco unfolds when Cordelia returns unexpectedly, and some drama goes down with an expensive piece of jewelry going missing (a telltale sign of an unoriginal plot). But not to worry because just like every chick flick out there, everyone gets a happy ending. 

Pros: The excellent casting of romantic interests (Read: Corey Monteith, Luke Bracey, Pierre Boulanger). Who Says. Monte Carlo- it actually looks really effing bomb. Why is Monaco so underrated?! I might just be too poor to even have it on my radar as a travel destination.

Seriously. God bless this casting director.

Cons: Selena Gomez’s acting. Selena Gomez’s fake British accent. The fact that I will never be mistaken for an heiress and have a whirlwind romance with a foreign wealthy man.

Most memorable lines:

Grace: I finally meet a guy who likes me for me. And I’m not even me.

THE PRINCESS SWITCH

(VANESSA HUDGENS, 2018)

So here we are in present day. Let me just start by saying, there isn’t even a princess in this movie. Lady Margaret is a duchess. It’s called royal decorum honey, look it up. Stacy, a baker from Chicago, is somehow invited to this very prestigious international baking competition in Genovia Aldovia Belgravia (is anyone else noticing that these fake European countries all kind of sound like font families?), and ditches her bakery during what I assume would be her busiest time of the year to hop across the world with her business partner/ best friend and his daughter. There she runs into Lady Margaret, who mysteriously looks exactly like her and proposes they swap places so she can get away from the world of schedules. Stacy agrees, and falls for Margaret’s fiance of an arranged marriage/ loveless engagement, Prince Edward of Belgravia. Meanwhile Margaret falls for Stacy’s DILF friend Kevin. They manage to swap back before Stacy’s competition (which she wins despite her competitor cutting the cord to her Kitchen Aid, which she only notices after the majority of the cake has been baked, which like, b*tch, how were you mixing the batter before?), only for the Prince and Margaret to have to present the awards to the winners (because like, I’m sure that’s how William and Kate fill their schedule). Though Margaret had revealed their secret to Edward before the event, the four go backstage to give Kevin the downlow. Stacy is alarmingly okay with Edward (sort of) proposing to her, and Kevin is alarmingly okay with this despite having JUST caught feelings for who he thought was his best friend? Flash forward to a year later, and Edward and Stacy have married, and it is implied Kevin and Margaret are next? What the hell happened to their award winning bakery?

Pros: Gunner from Nashville. Kevin’s abs.

Cons: The haircut. The Jackie O blazer and pencil skirt ensembles. Another ill fated horse riding trip. The mysterious old guy who kept showing up but whose presence/ significance was never really explained?

Seriously, why is everyone dressed straight outta 1952?

Most memorable line: 

Stacy/Margaret: In fact I took a nap on it. Slept like a log.

Edward: A log?

Stacy/ Margaret: Yes, dear, a royal log. It’s an expression we have in Montenaro.

Over the passage of time, the same-actress-two-characters/ swapping identities plotline has served us some of our most heartwarming and cheesy memories of film. I honestly don’t know if there really is a way to rank which is best, because they are all terrible in their own right. What matters most is that this tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme seems to keep going strong 20 years later, so we can expect another version of this more-or-less same story to make us gag/dazzle us in the coming years.

[niara-aldaine]

challenge 3

special thank yous to @e--jun with mentions of  @haidenschreave @lady-naomi-lafleur @aliyatyson @lizzy-matthews

the dress 

the shoes

the hair pin 

I can do this, I mentally prepared myself, I can do this. In a matter of minutes, I would be descending downstairs to greet all the foreign diplomats, ranging from an ambassador from New Asia to the princess of Italy. 

Celestia zipped up the back of my gown. It was gorgeously hand-beaded, the color of dusty rose, as if the ethereal goddess of the dawn had skimmed her fingers along it. It looked as though it was spun from gossamer and silk, something only a fairy wore. Celestia squeezed my shoulders comfortingly and Aurora brought over my shoes, a pair of rose gold heels that had elegant spirals of ivy climbing up. 

I could already hear Heather coming around, making sure we would all be on time. I tried to elegantly descend but failed when I almost fell and instead tried to discreetly enter the room. Some of the girls were already talking to diplomats, others hoarding the platter of chocolates, so naturally I drifted towards the chocolates. 

I joined Naomi, who looked absolutely dazzling in her gown. We exchanged greetings and struck up a conversation briefly before Aliya joined us. I ended up exchanging words with Lizzy before I decided to talk with E-Jun, the ambassador from New Asia.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” I smiled, “I’m Niara Aldaine.”

“So how are you feeling now that it’s a step away from the Elite?” she had asked. “A bit nervous, I suppose, I'd be surprised if anyone's not,” I laughed, “It's just another step closer to finding out the next true Queen of Illéa.”

“I have complete faith in him as well, he isn't one to regret what he's done,” I explained, ”I think all the countries' rulers and leaders are waiting to see the new Queen of Illéa. It'd change a lot of things, no matter who takes the position.”

She nodded. “New Asia is looking forward to continue working side by side with this country for many years toward, so we are excited to meet the future queen. I'm glad you mentioned the changes that will we have in consequence of all this. May I ask which changes would you make in case you win the competition?”

I had known the subject would come up and I hadn’t mentally prepared an answer beforehand although I knew what I would want to change if I had a position of power. I had often contemplated this when I was younger, playing pretend with my sisters that I could change everything.

“As Queen,” I had started out, “I'd reaffirm the ties Illéa has to other countries in order to strengthen allies and also create new bonds by perhaps increasing trade of resources and more diplomats. Also, I'd try to rewrite the caste system because of the large amount of discrimination and unfairness people face due to a status they were born into. I would also try my best to have the people have more of a say in the monarchy's decision, seeing as sometimes how decisions made by the monarchy either doesn't agree with the people or isn't benefiting them very much. Oh, and also opening new opportunities to those who need jobs or ones who can benefit our economy. And of course, adding more women into government positions. We need more women in administrative positions and although we do have some, I think we should increase that number. Women are just as capable as men to handle these positions and the only reason they aren't receiving these positions are lack of opportunities simply because of their gender.”

E-Jun raised her eyebrows, a small smile on her face. She was so elegantly composed but I could tell she would speak her own opinions if she felt the need. It was no wonder she received the job of ambassador. She was perfect for it. 

“What do you like the most of being born here? Do you wish you were born anywhere else?”

I thought this over in my head slowly before shaking my head. 

“I don't think I would want to be born anywhere else. I know Illéa has its flaws but I love Illéa. Hopefully the future Queen will make it an even better Illéa. And I'd love to travel to other countries though! My favorite part would just be the people itself. Illéa is full of so much hope and possibility, I don't think I could have that bond to any other place.”

We then moved the topic to hobbies of ours and traveling to other countries. E-Jun wistfully described the beautiful scenery and delicious food in New Asia.

“Of course there are amazing benefits but also the workload and stress are parts of your position, so you have to be able to handle it,” I brought up a point.

“Talking about jobs, why do you think you deserve to be the future queen? What qualities do you think you have that will serve you well for the job?” she inquired curiously. And I could tell by looking at her that she truly wanted to know. Haiden’s choice would change not only Illéa but all the other countries as well.

“Well of course I think we all view ourselves differently than others see us, so I hope I’m not being vain. But I believe that I have the patience and determination to do my best for all of the country so although I wouldn’t be the perfect Queen, I think I could be a likely candidate for deserving this position. I also think I have the mix of a logical and creative mind, seeing as I like inventing but also art, thus I will be able to both reason and debate while having compassion for my country. And I think I would also be able to stand for my opinion, even if it went against what others thought. The hard part is sometimes being a good person but also being a good Queen, and I hope I can be that as well as a wife and best friend,” I sighed.

“I agree with you in that too, sometimes is kind of hard to find the balance between using the head and the heart when it comes to ruling a country, you certainly need both... and when it comes to love relationships too,” she winked at me. 

E-Jun described how some families had arranged marriages but her parents gave her the freedom to choose. According to her, all of them ended in the man becoming upset over how her job seemed more important than them although I knew that her job was simply time-consuming and needed focus. She laughed and said, “I wonder if it was better to let my parents choose for me.”

“Well then that's good you didn't choose those men,” I spoke up, “The one for you would understand and I don't think it would have been better for your parents to choose, I think the one for you will come along with time,” which had earned a grateful smile from her.

Later I was strolling down the halls of the palace, clutching my heels in my hand. I saw E-Jun hurrying down the hall towards me, relief on her face.

“Oh wait, I almost forgot again! I brought you a little detail, hope you like it!” she extended a case towards me. I opened it to see a gorgeous flower hair pin. “Oh my goodness,” I squealed, “thank you so much, I love it! It’s absolutely gorgeous.”

I held it to my chest and thanked her endlessly. I don’t think she quite knew how much it meant to me that I had received a gift. 

a couple hours later

I collapsed on the neatly made bed with a pounding head and aching feet. My mind was throbbing with the conversations I had with almost all the foreign diplomats. 

I could feel a migraine coming on and I suddenly felt like I couldn’t breathe. 

This was really it. We were already half way from the original pool of 30 and soon Haiden would be choosing his life-long partner, the future Queen. One of us, out of the 15 left, would be crowned. 

This was my life now: part of the pool that would be chosen from for the next Queen. I could face that later but for now, I didn’t want to think about the Selection.

So I went down to the kitchen and requested for a bottle of alcohol and 2 glasses before heading back upstairs. I knocked on the door and it opened, revealing surprise written across Haiden’s face.

“Lady Niara.”

“Haiden. What do you say to a drink in the gardens?”

[lizzy-matthews]

Challenge 3 Part 1

This is the section with my conversations with all the diplomats. It’s long. Sorry not sorry. Enjoy. Includes rp’s with @katjanikula, @joeblakestein, @e--jun, @juliacranston, @eilidhcrain, @genevamartinelli, and @mikavladmska

This challenge seems like a total waste of my time. We’re supposed to explain to the foreign diplomats why we’d make a good queen. I already know that I won’t become queen because I’ve decided to be with Liam, so any answers I give will mainly be made up. But I made a promise to Liam and to myself that I wouldn’t just forfeit this competition. So I plan to dress positively professionally and charm the socks off all these foreign diplomats and prove to them that I could’ve been a great Queen if the situation was different--not that they need to know that I have no plans to become queen.

 Prime Minister Katja Nikula of Swendway

I hold out my hand to greet the Prime Minister. “Hi. I’m Lizzy Matthews, possible future Queen of Illea. I’d like to welcome you to our country,” I introduced.

Prime Minister Nikula raises both eyebrows in surprise. She shakes my hand in greeting. “Confident, Lady Matthews?”

I give a small shrug. “I did say ‘possible future queen’. But yes, I am confident in myself. That’s one way this Selection has helped me.”

She nods with interest. “Very well, confidence is always a good thing after all. Thanks for the Welcome.”

“I like to think confidence is one of the best qualities to have, especially for the ruler of a country,” I explain. “How could someone lead others if they do not believe in themselves?”

“Yes, that is indeed an important quality,” she agrees slowly. “You seem awfully prepared for this, Lady Matthews.” She eyes me up and down, as though analyzing me. “Any particular reason for that?”

I take a deep breath before I explain my story. “A few weeks ago, I was a shy, timid girl afraid to step out of her comfort zone and meet new people. I realized that if I want to have any chance of being queen, or being successful in any future career, I have to grow out of my shell and be more confident with myself. I want to show everyone that I am capable of ruling this country and won’t back down from any challenge.”

She nods approvingly and I inwardly sigh with relief. Talking to these foreign diplomats may be more difficult than I thought. “Okay then. That is very good, Lady Matthews. I am glad you learned to push yourself out of your comfort zone. That is important now only for a possible future Queen, but for every girl out there.”

The fact that she emphasized the word ‘girl’, I figure she may be more of a feminist, in which case it would be good to lead the conversation more in that direction. “I definitely agree. I’m proud that Illea has reached a point where men and women have equal rights and opportunities, and that women are not shamed for chasing their passions, though the whole concept of the Selection doesn’t necessarily align with that ideal. But the rest of Illea is great about gender equality.”

“Well… if I may not be too impertinent I would say it is still a problem with the castes.”

“Yes, definitely the castes are a problem. But I believe there are few to no issues regarding men having an easier time getting jobs or such,” I answer.

“Women are, however, entitled to bear their partner’s caste number, if I am not mistaken?”

I freeze. Yes, that is a problem. One that I hadn’t thought of. I need to make sure to get the idea across that I know what I’m talking about, and that the issue of caste movement due to marriage isn’t a problem. “That is often the cast, though there is very little movement amongst castes to begin with. And there is always the chance to move castes by oneself, so it’s not solely a thing of marriage. But yes, it is true that the women are more likely to take the caste of their husbands.”

“Oh, I know. I meant in cases where going up a caste cannot be afforded… but I understand that you believe gender equality has become less problematic over the years.”

“Yes. While our country still has many faults, I don’t believe gender equality—of a lack thereof—is an issue we have to deal with so much anymore.”

“Respectable. So have you been liking the palace?” She asks. “See yourself living here in a near future?”

“I love the palace. It’s absolutely beautiful. I would love to live here, but I have no idea if that will be an opportunity provided to me. I guess we’ll see.”

“I guess you’ll see then,” she agrees. “If you don’t mind, may I ask how things between you and Haiden are?”

“Haiden is naturally very shy. He’s been trying to open up more to people, but it’s been a slow process. At the moment, I will admit that I do not believe myself in love with him, but who knows what could happen in the near future. Obviously Haiden believes there’s a chance for us  or I wouldn’t still be here.”

“Of that I am sure. He is very close to the Elite now. Soon we’ll know how far his sentiments for you go.”

Was that a threat?

“Well technically he hasn’t chosen the Elite,” I comment. “There are still fifteen of us here, and the Elite is a maximum of ten. He has said that he will narrow it down to the Elite after this challenge, though. I guess we’ll see then if I’m a part of it.”

“Yes, that is what I meant. I am aware of his decision to narrow it down to the Elite soon.”

“Personally, I think even if we haven’t made as much of a connection romantically, I’ve proven that I’d make a good Queen, so perhaps that will keep me in this Selection.”

“Do you consider love not to be an important part of the decision?”

“I definitely believe it is an important part of Haiden's decision. But I don't think it should be the sole aspect of his decision. He also needs to look at Selected who would be responsible enough to be Illea's next queen. I think--and my opinion doesn't necessarily mean anything--that Haiden's Elite should be made up of girls who he feels attracted to and girls who would be good queens. Obviously I hope there is some overlap for him, and maybe I'll fit into that overlap, but I also believe that my strong stance as a confident potential future leader make me a good candidate for the Elite.”

“Interesting position, Lady Matthews. I won’t deny the grounded thoughts behind it. I hope you may become a prosperous Queen—if that is what you wish for and what this Selection has in store for you.”

“Yes, I suppose we’ll see what this Selection has in store for me.”

“That we will.”

“It was nice meeting you,” I say.

“You too, Lady Matthews.”

I sigh as I turn and walk away. She seemed interested in my ideas, but perhaps not a huge fan of my personality. Well, I already plan to talk to many other diplomats, so we’ll see what happens. One down, many more to go.

Queen Eilidh Crain of Britain

 I hold out my hand to the queen. Hi. I’m Lizzy Matthews, possible future Queen of Illea. I’d like to welcome you to our country.”

She shakes my hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, future Queen Lizzy. I’m Eilidh.”

I smile. “I would like to point out that I said ‘possible future queen’. I may be confident, but I am neither cocky nor vain enough to assume I will be queen. It’s an honor to make your acquaintance, though.” I also don’t ever expect to be queen, since I’m with Liam now, but no one here needs to know that.

“Ah, my mistake. You’re quite the fire cracker. Care for tea?”

I smile at being called a fire cracker. Never would I have been described as such back in Clermont; I was much too shy and reserved for that. “Absolutely. Tea sounds lovely.”

“So, how are you enjoying the Selection so far?”

“The Selection has been great! I’ve been able to make a lot of new friends, as well as gain more confidence in myself.”

“That’s always a wonderful thing to hear.”

“It is. Even if I don’t win, I’ll at least have that.”

“Personal growth will always outdo material.”

“I agree. I think sometimes people believe that material possessions are more important than physiological needs, and so will forfeit their health—mentally or physically—in order to achieve some goal or win some prize. A person’s health or self-worth should always come first.”

“Absolutely! I’m so glad you agree. It’s terribly hard to find someone like that in the current atmosphere.”

“Yes. I’ve found that many people in this palace are so concerned about material goods. I feel like the palace itself is an example of that. Opulence is just showcased everywhere. Everything in this palace costs enough to feed a Six family for at least a month.”

“You’re incredibly aware, Lady Lizzy, and I must say I admire that greatly. If you don’t win this, there’s absolutely a job for you in my court.”

I feel my heart jerk in my chest. Did she just offer me a job? In the British Empire? In her court? That’s crazy!

“Really? Well that’s certainly a generous offer, and one that I will sincerely think about, if I am eliminated from this Selection.”

“Please do, you would be a wonderful asset. Although I’m sure being the possible future queen is a more appealing job.”

“Yes, that’s true. But I don’t know if I will become queen.” And I don’t expect to. “I suppose that remains to be seen.”

“It does indeed. Now, are there any other political things you need to discuss?”

I nod and ask her for some advice on possible changes that could be implemented to Illea’s policies. I describe my idea about providing monetary compensation to families in lower castes who have children in school, so that the children may attend school without the families losing money due to fewer working bodies. I think it is a fantastic idea in theory, but I wanted to hear from the leader of another country about whether or not it is even a possibility.

“Absolutely! The government pays for many things, I hope you realize, so why can’t education be added to the list?”

“Well, I was just a little hesitant about it because the government would essentially be paying kids to go to school, and that’s a lot of money for an indirect benefit to the country. Obviously having educated youths is beneficial, but not every student will grow up to immensely impact the country. Some government officials may be opposed to it.”

“Hm, yes. But at least you are aware of this, so you won’t go in with a blitz head.”

“That’s very true. Thank you for your advice.”

“Any time. It’s been a pleasure, Lady Lizzy.”

We part cordially, and I smile to myself. That was certainly a success. She even invited me to join her court!

 Grand Duchess Mika Vladmska of Russia

 I hold out my hand to the Grand Duchess. “Hi. I’m Lizzy Matthews, possible future Queen of Illea. I’d like to welcome you to our country.”

She looks at my hand coldly. “Do they not teach proper etiquette in this country? You should show some respect.”

Yikes. I guess they don’t call her the ice queen just because of the location of her home country. But I made a promise to win over all these diplomats, so I guess I’m going to have to really step up the charm.

“I apologize, Grand Duchess. Although we have teachers for the Selection who are supposed to teach us the etiquette of foreign countries, I’m afraid their classes have been rather lacking. For future reference, how should I have addressed you?”

Nailed it.

“Grand Duchess will be fine, thank you.”

“Alright, Grand Duchess. I must say I’m fascinated by your country. I would love to travel the world, if I could, and I hope to become Queen to get that chance. Tell me, what is Russia like?”

“Well, it’s certainly cold. The history dates back far, although there isn’t much else to appeal to people.”

“I’m sure that’s not true. There must be a lot of beautiful historical buildings and stories. And I would love to see snow falling. There’s never been snowfall in Clermont, but I imagine snow to be absolutely stunning. Perhaps a bit of work, but a sight to behold nonetheless.”

We begin talking a lot about snow, and Mika grows reminiscent about childhood fun in the snow. I believe getting her to talk about things she likes was definitely the best way to soften her disposition.

“That sounds amazing,” I tell her regarding her stories about snow. “I truly hope I get the chance to visit your country some day.”

“Whenever you choose to come, please let me know. I’d want to make it a wonderful experience for you.”

I smile. I’ve definitely gotten on her good side.

“That would be great!” I exclaim. “Unfortunately, unless I do become queen, I’m not sure I’ll ever have the opportunity to travel, though.”

“Ah, that’s quite unfortunate.”

“I know. It’s a sad fact of our world, or at least this country, that so few people have the opportunities to travel.”

“It quite is. How do you propose you could change it?”

“I suppose increasing safety regulations between countries could allow for foreigners to feel safer in travel, as well as increasing the amount of ways that a person could travel. For example, right now only a few private planes exist for royalty and high ranking government officials. If more commercial planes were put into commission, more people would have the chance to travel, and could experience other cultures. I think it would be a great step toward maintaining peace throughout the world. It would make everyone see how connected we all truly are.”

“I must say, Lady Lizzy, you are proving yourself to be quite a promising Queen.”

I feel heat rise in my cheeks. Even if I have no plans to truly become queen, it’s nice to hear that I would be good at the job. “Well, thank you. That means a lot to me.”

“It’s been an interesting conversation, Lady Lizzy, and I wish you the best in the Selection. Farewell.”

“It’s been a pleasure talking with you. Thank you.” Mika walks away without another word.

Well, if I managed to freeze the ice queen, I think I can handle all of the other diplomats.

  Ambassador E-Jun of New Asia

 I hold out my hand to greet the ambassador. “Hi. I’m Lizzy Matthews, possible future Queen of Illea. I’d like to welcome you to our country.”

She shakes my hand. “Hi Lady Lizzy. I’m really glad to meet you. I really appreciate your welcome, but as New Asia’s ambassador, I live here in Illea.” She gives me a pitying smile and I feel like I could slap myself. I’ve spoken to so many diplomats from other countries, I forgot that there are some who live in Illea.

“Oh! I’m so sorry,” I apologize quickly. I need to rectify this situation. “I suppose I just haven’t seen you around the palace much, and with so many new faces here this week, it’s sometimes difficult to distinguish the new and the old.” Perfect.

“Don’t worry, I don’t live here in the palace, but the embassy is pretty close to here. I was dying to meet you girls! How are you feeling now that you’ve gotten this far in the competition?”

“I’m actually kind of surprised I’ve made it this far. Haiden’s not the most expressive person with his emotions, so I’ve thought many times that he would eliminate me. I’m grateful for the chance to remain in this Selection though and prove that I could be a good queen.”

“Yes, I guess he can be a little reserved sometimes but maybe with time that changes. Between you and me, what are your plans to prove you could be a good queen?” She winks.

“I’m not really sure yet. I suppose by talking to all the foreign diplomats, I can show how eager I am to learn about foreign policies. And I also hope to talk to Haiden and the other diplomats more about my ideas for education reform, as well as some other ideas.”

“Feel free to share with me your ideas, I’m really interested to know about your propositions to make a change in your country and the benefits that will bring to the rest of the world.” She smiles.

“Well, first of all, I think I would be amazing at foreign policy. I have already loved talking to all the foreign diplomats in the palace this week. I love learning about other countries and other places, and would love to visit them all. I know in terms of domestic affairs here in Illea, there are a lot of issues that should be worked out. The caste system is certainly an interesting issue. While there are certain benefits to it, it ultimately limits the freedoms of many of the population. Also, education is a problem due to the fact that lower castes are not required to attend classes since their families need them at home to work. It would benefit the overall intelligence and education levels of the country if the Illean government could provide compensation to the families who have children in school, so that those children could complete a minimum amount of schooling. Finally, the issue of safety and guards is a big issue considering there have been so many Rebel attacks recently. I'm not sure we should increase the draft, because there are already so many families whose lives are uprooted by the draft, but perhaps having a larger paid army made up of volunteer guards, or those who are being paid, could increase the level of security in this country.”

“You would love to travel to New Asia. Yes, you are right, there are many things that can be changed in this country. I’m sure that with a lot of patience and strategy this country will grow strong. New Asia has the best intention to work shoulder by shoulder with Illea. I hope in the future our alliances get stronger.”

“I would love to travel to New Asia! I love the idea of seeing new places, though I’m not sure I’ll have the opportunity unless I become queen. I think it’s very important for the world nations to form alliances and work together as a whole to make peace around the world.”

“Yes, peace is the most valuable thing,” she agrees with me. “When you have it, it can be underrated, but just think about the times when there were terrible wars around the world.”

“Yes, I definitely remember the wars in history. I am not one to take peacetime lightly. I understand its importance and the necessity of maintaining it. It’s one thing I hope for the world in the coming future.”

“I’m happy that you appreciate really important things, like peace and freedom.”

I smile. She is really easy to talk to, and really seems to agree with my points of view. I have definitely charmed the pants off this diplomat.

“Absolutely,” I say. “I can only hope Haiden shares these views, as well.”

“Sure he does. As the future King, I’m sure all these topics have crossed his mind lots of times,” she notes. “How are you handling the idea that you can get the second-most important job in the country? I mean, as a queen, supporting the prince and helping him to rule.”

I take a deep breath before continuing. “I understand that it’s a huge undertaking, but I believe that I am capable of handling it. I would be proud to represent my country as its queen, as well as standing up for the people’s beliefs and needs. And I would be proud to stand next to Haiden, and I can only hope that I could be enough of a support for him to be the best king and best man he can be.” I smile to myself. As long as I don’t have to describe any emotions or feelings regarding a relationship with Haiden, I seem to be doing just fine. No, I’m not in love with Haiden and I honestly don’t think I ever will be, not when I’m in love with Liam. But I do care for Haiden, and hope he is able to find a queen he can trust and love. As long as I only have to talk about being queen as a job title, I can perfectly describe why I would be good at it.

E-Jun puts a hand over her heart. “That’s really sweet, Lady Lizzy. I guess you are learning a lot of things here to get prepared for the job, aren’t you?”

“I like to think I’ve grown a lot as a person through this experience. Even if I don’t win, I have that.”

“You are such a positive lady, willing to learn, and that will take you far in this life.” She smiles graciously at me.

“Thank you so much. That means a lot to me.”

“Good luck in this competition, Lady Lizzy. Stick to your dreams and don’t forget to have fun as well,” she finishes with a wink.

“Thank you!”

We leave with a companionable greeting. I’m glad that we ended on good terms, especially after an awkward introduction. Great, now I can move on to the next diplomat.

 Chancellor Joe Blakestein of the German Federation

 I hold out my hand. “Hi. I’m Lizzy Matthews, possible future Queen of Illea. I’d like to welcome you to our country.”

“Hello, Lady Lizzy. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, too. How have you been enjoying the palace so far? And how was your flight? It must have been a long flight.”

“Oh, Prime Minister Cranston made it eventful enough. The palace is quite spectacular, I must say. How are you enjoying the palace, yourself?”

“The palace is absolutely beautiful. Everything in it is exquisite and luxurious, though I do believe it lacks a sense of personality that should be found in a person’s home. This is, after all, a home to the royal family.”

“It should be. It seemed rather cold walking in,” he agrees.

“Yes, I do feel that the palace is somewhat vapid; lacking in personality. But it is true that it’s not only the home to the royal family, it is also the center of Illea. It needs to be seen as a central element of Illean society and show that Illea is a strong nation. If the royal family were to make it feel more lived-in by decoration with less-than-perfect items, it gives off an air that the royal family, and Illea itself, is less than perfect. Not that perfection is absolutely necessary.”

“I must be quite honest, I’ve never seen the royals as something of an honest family. The entire country is quite primitive.”

Wow. I wasn’t expecting that from one of the diplomats. He just blatantly insulted Illea. I may not wish to be its queen, but I feel the responsibility to defend my home country—without offending outright the Chancellor of the German Federation.

“Well, I’m sorry you think that. Personally, I see the faults of our country for sure, but every country has some issue. There is no perfect place in existence. But while I do see the faults, I also see the strengths and advantages. There are many great things about Illea, and I am proud to call it my home country. Even if I do find the palace to be a little impersonal.”

“Interesting standpoints, Lady Lizzy. What do you think of changing laws and policies?”

“I think that there are certain laws and policies in place in Illea that I would not be opposed to changing, or at least modifying. The caste system, for example, is something that could definitely use some work… or just eliminated altogether.”

“It truly is. In fact, the caste system is one of the main reasons other nations are so hesitant on creating ties with Illea.”

I’m shocked that he’s sharing this much with a member of the Selection. Does he speak this frankly with Haiden or King Ashton?

“Yes, I’ve always believed that may be the case, though it is strange to here you say it so… bluntly to someone who could be the future Queen of Illea. But I do believe that even with the caste system in place, Illea has many redeeming qualities to offer other countries in alliances. We’ve had many groundbreaking scientific discoveries recently, for example.”

“That is true, Lady Lizzy, there are many redeeming qualities about Illea. However, there would be no need to call them “redeeming” if the castes were not in place. It’s an international opinion, I suppose.”

Well I guess I won’t be able to manage to convince him of the greatness of Illea. “I suppose we will have to agree to disagree,” I tell him. I guess I can’t win over them all, but I can say that I at least made an honest effort.

 Prime Minister Juliana Cranston of the British Empire

 I hold my hand out. “Hi. I’m Lizzy Matthews, possible future Queen of Illea. I’d like to welcome you to our country.”

“Straightforward. I like it. Hello, Lizzy. How are you?” The Prime Minister asks.

“I’m great, how are you?”

“I’m doing very well. Jet lag is rough, but I’m glad to be in Illea, especially to meet all of you.”

“I can imagine. The jet lag when I first arrived in Angeles was rough, and that was only five hours. How long was your flight?”

“Around eleven hours.”

“Oh wow. Yeah, the time difference must be difficult to get used to. Do you travel a lot?”

“Not so much anymore, but I did when I was younger.”

“That must be nice. I always wanted to travel, and this Selection has given me the opportunity to see another part of the country that I might never have gotten to see otherwise.”

“Hopefully you’ll come to England sometime. We’d love to have you.”

I smile. “I would absolutely love to visit. If I become queen, I will absolutely do that, but I’m not sure I’ll get the chance otherwise.”

“Please, if you don’t become queen, let me know and I’ll get you to England. A girl like you shouldn’t be stuck in one country her whole life.”

My eyes widen in surprise. “Wow, that would be great! Thank you so much!”

“Of course, it’s the least I could do. Anyway, I’m assuming you’re here to ask me something.”

I clear my throat, ready to get down to the business aspect of this meeting. “Yes, well. I’m assuming you’ve heard of Haiden’s next challenge for those of us in the Selection. We’re supposed to talk to one of the foreign diplomats in the palace this week and say why we will make a good Queen. Personally, I’d rather just learn about the different cultures from where all of you are from, but I suppose we can talk about leadership roles as well.”

“I’m open to anything. Talk away.”

“Well maybe I can just sell to you why I think I would make a good queen.” I continue to discuss the policies and ideas I shared with E-Jun.

“That’s an interesting thought. What are you studying in school?” The Prime Minister asks.

I go on to explain to her that I finished schooling, and don’t necessarily plan on attending a university. She explains that everyone should have the chance to have as much education as possible, and I say that I will definitely try to attend a university after the Selection if that seems like a logical path for me.

“Remember kid,” Juliana says, “You are the future of Illea, and it seems to me you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. Change this country, Lizzy.”

I smile at her compliments. “I hope to do just that. Thank you.”

“No problem. Do you have any more questions for me?”

“I can’t think of anything, but it’s been lovely talking to you.”

“You as well. Good luck.”

“Thank you.”

And with that, another meeting with a foreign diplomat is done. I honestly don’t think it’s necessary to talk with them all, but I made a choice so I plan on sticking by it.

 Princess Geneva Martinelli of Italy

 I hold out my hand to greet the Princess. “Hi. I’m Lizzy Matthews, possible future Queen of Illea. I’d like to welcome you to our country.”

She pulls me in for a hug, surprising me. “Oh, it’s so nice to meet you! Please, call me Geneva.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, too, Geneva. How have you been enjoying your time in Illea so far?”

“It’s been wonderful. How has the Selection been treating you?”

“The Selection has certainly been an adventure. I’ve learned a lot about myself and Illea.”

“I’m sure! Do you think you’d enjoy the politics of being queen?”

“I think I would. I know I would love the foreign relations aspect of it. I’ve always wanted to travel, so getting to see other countries and learning their cultures would be a dream come true. And I know I have a lot of ideas for Illean affairs as well.”

“Oh, you must come to Italy one day! I’m sure you’d love it immensely. We’re also just a drive away from the political center of Europe.”

“Oh, I would love to! But unfortunately only politicians and very few others have the opportunity to travel. If I don’t become queen, there aren’t many options for me. However, I have been made many offers by some of the other foreign diplomats to visit their countries.”

“I can fund the trip for you! Entirely my treat. Coming during the summer will be great fun.”

“Oh, that would be amazing! Thank you so much for the offer!”

“It’s my pleasure. Now, I understand there are some questions you need to ask me?”

“Well, it’s not really questions. It’s more like I’m supposed to try to prove to you why I would be a good Queen.”

“Well, then go right ahead! Why do you think you’d be a good queen, Lizzy?”

I describe to her all the ideas that I’d outlined to the other diplomats regarding education, foreign travel, the caste system and security.

“I like the way you think! I would support you in any ways I can to get this program running.”

“Thank you! I mean, I think the first step in implementing any of my ideas would be to get Illean government officials to listen to the ideas. And then convince them of why they are so important. If I become Queen, I’ll have more influence, but if not…”

“It can be quite troublesome, but I’m sure you can do it.”

“Thank you for your belief in me.”

We part ways and I sigh in relief. All I have left to do is talk to Alessia Mabo, Haiden’s cousin, and then I will be done!

[alyblacklist]

Ressler & Liz and the “light”

There’s been a lot of discussion/debate both here and on Twitter about JB’s recent end-of-season interview where he discussed that final Ressler/Liz scene of “Brothers” and said:

The original break of the story, [Ressler] did call Red and – and that’s what the original move – that’s what the move is, you know, and with where we were going in mind, it felt like maybe we need to – you know, it needs to be her that he calls and that’s actually my favorite scene in the whole episode. I thought she was fantastic and – and, um, their sort of relationship this season has been very unusual and – and as she’s sort of drifting away and - or closer to, you know, whatever is this sort of organic, you know, DNA part of her, he’s this like light that is – represents good and the Boy Scout and all the stuff and, and um, I think that’s why he’s sort of become more interesting to her, uh, more special in a way, because of the contrast, you know, that juxtaposition. I think it’s interesting, their relationship’s interesting.

Below are my thoughts on Jon’s reference to Ressler as a source of “light” for Liz and why I was happy to hear him say it and felt it was consistent both with the evolution of those characters and their relationship over the seasons. I welcome constructive discussion (and criticism), but it’s no secret that I am a Ressler fan, and a Keenler shipper, so if you absolutely hate one or both of those things, you probably won’t like this post (also fair warning - it’s a long post).

The show continually draws on the classic literary themes of light and dark, in which “light” typically represents good, positivity, happiness, hope etc. while “dark” typically represents bad, negativity, sadness, despair, etc.  Each of the main characters have struggled internally with balancing the light and dark over the seasons but for purposes of this post, I am focusing on Liz and Ressler. 

In Mako Tanida (1x16) when Ressler was hell-bent on revenge for Audrey’s death, Red warned him:   

“Agent Ressler. Once you cross over, there are things in the darkness that can keep your heart from ever feeling the light again.”

In the back half of Season 5, when Liz was basically in the same situation that Ressler was in back in S1, Red similarly cautioned her in Ruin (5x09): 

Red: I want you to promise me something. Liz: What? Red: That you’ll grieve. Liz: Of course I’ll grieve. What is this that you think I’m doing? Red: I think you’re running away from your problems when you should be facing them. I’m sure it feels like you’re staring into an abyss, but until you mourn, you won’t be able to cross it. Liz: What’s so great about crossing it? What’s on the other side? Peace? Tranquility? Red: Some. Liz: I prefer revenge. Red: That’s what I’m afraid of. Liz: Really? ‘Cause imagining what I’m gonna do to Tom’s killers is the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning. Red: Don’t just go off and hide in the dark. Wherever you go, look for some light.

Red knows this struggle all too well, because he has already gone down that path. He’s already landed in the darkness, as he explained so eloquently to Liz in Luther Braxton (2x09):

Red: It may be hard for you to imagine, but I once had a relatively normal life– bills to pay, playdates, family, some friends, people to care about. Lost all that. Liz: Lost how? Red: In Mexico, there are these fish that have colonized the freshwater caves along Sierra del Abra.They were lost. They found themselves living in complete darkness. But they didn’t die. Instead, they thrived. They adapted. They lost their pigmentation, their sight, eventually even their eyes. With survival, they became hideous. I’ve rarely thought about what I once was. But I wonder if a ray of light were to make it into the cave, would I be able to see it? Or feel it? Would I gravitate to its warmth? And if I did, would I become less hideous?

These themes of light and dark also intersect with the themes of forgiveness, salvation and redemption. As Red explains to Liz in Tom Connolly (2x22):

I’m a sin eater. I absorb the misdeeds of others, darkening my soul to keep theirs pure.

And in The Kilgannon Corporation (5x07), Red explains to Liz how Dembe tries to save Red’s soul from the darkness:

Red: You ever wonder why Dembe stays with me? Why anyone so decent would spend his days at the side of someone so indecent? Liz: You saved him. He owes you his life. He protects you because you protected him. Red: No, Elizabeth. Dembe didn’t stay with me because he saw me as his savior. He stayed with me because he saw me for the man I really was – a man surrounded by darkness. No friends who could be trusted, no faith that loyalty or love could ever truly exist. I was– Well, I was younger then. Angrier. Dembe connected his life with mine to show me, that day and every day, that the world is not what I fear it to be. He is the light in the darkness. Living proof that there is another way, that life can be good, that people can be kind, that a man like me might one day dream of becoming a man like him. He pledged his life, offered it up as evidence that I was wrong about this world. Dembe guards my life because he’s determined to save my soul.

At the end of Ruin, Liz returns from Alaska and admits to Red that she’s still in a dark place:

Liz: I tried. I really did. I didn’t go looking for trouble. But it found me. And I’m glad it did. Red: What happened? Liz: I killed some men. Doesn’t matter that they were bad. That it was them or me. What matters is that I did it and I was good at it. And I didn’t lose any sleep over it. Red: You will. One of these nights you will. It’s just a matter of when. Liz: Maybe. Later. After I’ve crossed the abyss. But from the side I’m on now, all that matters is that I’m healed and – I’m back. And I’m coming for Tom’s killers. Like I said, I couldn’t keep my promise. Can you forgive me? Red: Yes. Will you be able to forgive yourself?

And in the next episode, The Informant, as Ressler is struggling with how to handle Prescott, Red also discusses forgiveness:

Forgiveness doesn’t mean accepting what you’ve done, Donald. It means understanding that the line dividing good and evil cuts through the hearts of all of us.

This is important for Ressler, who has struggled to accept that mixture of each, both in himself and in others. But by the end of the episode, Ressler is ready to choose the light, to do the right thing, to try to pull himself out of the darkness he’s been living in:

Red: You were preoccupied. Ressler: I was crazed. And convinced I should kill the man who shot her. Do you remember what you told me to do? Red: I told you to go home. You didn’t. Ressler: You said that once you cross over, there are things in the darkness that can keep your heart from ever feeling the light again. I didn’t go home, but I never crossed over. I never thanked you for that. Red: Nor should you. Your circumspection afforded me the opportunity to take care of Audrey’s killer myself. It was a win-win. Ressler: I didn’t want Prescott’s real name so that I could kill him. I wanted it so I could arrest him. Red: He goes to prison, so will you. Ressler: I know, but I’m in the darkness, and doing the right thing is the only way I’ll ever feel the light again.

Against Ressler’s wishes, Red acts as sin eater again (as does Cooper in accepting Ressler’s confession but refusing to pass it through the proper channels).  Because in Red’s view:

Sins should be buried like the dead. Not that they may be forgotten, but that we may remember them and find our way forward nonetheless.

In Season 7, in Brothers (7x17), we learn that Ressler has an even larger skeleton in his closet. Once again, he is concerned about doing the “right thing,” because he can’t live with the secret hanging over him any longer. This is his way forward, back into the light.

Ressler: Well, say you agree with me about how we should handle this. I mean, we arrest those bastards who took the car – for theft, for extortion, for all the other poison they pump into the city. And then after that – my brother and I come clean about what we’ve done. Liz: I don’t know that I do agree. After the story you told me, after what you’ve been through – both of you– Ressler: No, we have to do the right thing. It’s important. Liz: Of course, yes, I will help you. I just want to make sure you’re prepared to face the consequences when the FBI gets their hands on that vehicle and that body. Because if we go in and arrest those people, eventually, the FBI’s gonna open up that trunk. Ressler: And find Tommy Markin. I know. Liz: Are you really okay with dealing with the consequences of that? Ressler: I’ve been running from this my whole life. I need it to be done. We both need it to be done.

This time, Liz acts as his sin-eater and makes the body disappear. So how does this all fit together in terms of Ressler and Liz and their relationship?

Liz has always seen Ressler as a good person, as someone on the side of light rather than dark.  Even when he was hunting her as a fugitive in Season 3, she still defended him in Eli Matchett (3x03) after Red questioned why she reached out to Ressler for help:

Red: Ressler is a law-enforcement robot. The FBI winds him up– Liz: That’s not true. He’s a person. He’s a good person. Red: Look at me. You need to let that go, Lizzy. I have survived for a very long time now, and I assure you, I didn’t do it by relying on the goodness in people.

At the same time, she’s questioning whether she herself is still a good person. 

Liz: I shot a cop. Red: Yes, you did. Liz: And killed the Attorney General of the United States. Red: Yes. And when you did that you crossed a threshold, leaving your world, entering mine. Bad things are gonna find you now, Lizzy. This life has a mind and a momentum of its own. That’s a reality you need to accept. Bad things happen to good people. Liz: Am I a good person? I’m not so sure anymore.

By the time we get to Season 7, and Brothers, Ressler is the one calling Liz the better person as he prepares to turn himself in:

You know, Keen– I didn’t like you when we first met. I was wrong. You’re a good agent. You’re the kind of agent that – people join the FBI to try to become. But you’re also a good person. Much better person than I am. So, whatever happens out there today, the Task Force is gonna be in good hands with you.

But she doesn’t let him - as she explains later, for herself, not for him, because she needs the peace and stability that he provides in her life, she needs that “tiny island of calm,” amidst the dark forces that surround her. 

Liz: Have you looked at my life? I’m a widow and a single mom. A marionette – with a high-functioning sociopath pulling my strings. My grandfather tried to murder my mother, and my mother is a legendarily lethal Russian spy – who moved in next door without even telling me who she was. I mean it. Have you looked at my life? I mean, really taken a close look. Because it’s like I’m in the middle of a monsoon that’s constantly threatening to drown me in bad news. And somewhere in the middle of that FEMA disaster of a life–  Somewhere is just – a tiny island of calm. And if that weren’t there, I would be swept out to sea. Ressler: No, that’s never gonna happen– Liz: It would if you weren’t here. Ressler: But I am. And it won’t. Come here. It’s never gonna happen. Not on my watch.

Ressler has consistently represented peace and calm and stability to Liz amidst the chaos. It’s there from the very beginning when she clings to him after the Stewmaker ordeal at the end of 1x04, it’s there again when they hug in Mato 4x02 after he shows up at the Summer Palace, it’s there in Dr. Bodgan Krilov (4x19) when she envisions a peaceful future for Ressler watching the sunset from his lake house while Hitchin goes to jail:

Liz: I didn’t do it for you. I did it for him. Hitchin: Fair enough, but you did it, and for that, I’m grateful. Liz: Donald Ressler represents what’s best about this country. He’s loyal and honest, and he believes that no one – no one – is above the law. And I believe that one day, you’ll be the one being dragged off in handcuffs. And he’ll be walking into his lake house to watch the sunset.

It’s there in Season 5, the first episode that they share a meaningful scene together after Ruin, and The Informant, when Ressler is talking about “silver linings,” in the Capricorn Killer (5x16) as he wraps his arm around her.

So for me, Jon calling Ressler a "light that is – represents good and the Boy Scout and all the stuff” is completely consistent with all of that has come before between these two characters and isn’t something Jon just made up out of whole cloth.  More importantly, the fact that he characterizes Ressler as “more interesting” to Liz now because of the contrast, and the juxtaposition between her darkness and his “light” is also encouraging to me insofar as I don’t want to see the show end violently - I want to see it end with Red and Liz at peace and with Liz achieving the calm, normal life she’s always wanted (and which Red has promised her for seasons now she will have in the end). So the fact that she’s still interested in light and peace and calm, despite her step further into the darkness at the end of 7.19, is an encouraging sign to me that Liz is not entirely lost.

Back in Season 3, in a midseason interview with The Blacklist Exposed between episodes 3x08 and 3x09, Jon said that Liz “is definitely on a dark path...and I think she will continue to be,” and that “it’s a battle for her soul, it’s a battle for can she survive going through this process.”  

There’s a conversation between Ressler and Cooper in the comics (The Arsonist, #6) that illustrates that Ressler’s concern back then wasn’t just preventing Liz from being physically killed, or “beating” Red, but more a fear of losing her to Red’s world - that the darkness would overtake her.

Ressler: I want to bring her in while she’s still...her. Every second she’s out there Reddington’s turning her into someone else. Cooper: That may be, but it’s your job to catch her Donald. It’s not your job to save her.

Four seasons later, I think it’s still a battle for Liz’s soul, but an internal battle that has never really gone away.  The battle is not Reddington turning her into someone else, but rather own struggle against her dark impulses, her own struggle to fight for some light, some peace, some calm in her life amidst the chaos. And for that, I think she needs someone to help pull her back from the brink before she takes that step too far, someone to remind her that there is another way.

I hope going forward into next season, that will be Ressler, who will draw on his own experience battling his own demons and help prevent Liz from slipping into the abyss. Does that mean that Keenler will end up a romantic couple in the end? Not necessarily (though personally I hope so). But I take Jon’s comments as a positive sign that Ressler will be a positive force in her life as she steps into yet another battle.

Wine for all those who made it this far!

[thefaeriereview]

Tour: The Memories We Bury

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Today I am thrilled to share with you all, H.A. Leuschel's latest novel, The Memories We Bury, "An emotionally charged and captivating novel about the complexities of female friendship and motherhood." From June 29th to July 5th, you can purchase her book for ONLY $0.99 on Amazon! You can also try to win a digital copy of The Memories We Bury by entering the giveaway below!

The Memories We Bury

Publication Date: April 17th, 2020

Genre: Contemporary/ Psychological Suspense

An emotionally charged and captivating novel about the complexities of female friendship and motherhood. Lizzie Thomson has landed her first job as a music teacher, and after a whirlwind romance with Markus, the newlywed couple move into a beautiful new home in the outskirts of Edinburgh. Lizzie quickly befriends their neighbour Morag, an elderly, resourceful yet lonely widow, who’s own children rarely visit her. Everything seems perfect in Lizzie’s life until she finds out she is pregnant and her relationship with both Morag and Markus change beyond her control. Can Lizzie really trust Morag and why is Markus keeping secrets from her? In ‘The Memories We Bury’ the author explores the dangerous bonds we can create with strangers and how past memories can cast long shadows over the present. 

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Excerpt

Chapter 3 – Lizzie, 29 November 2013

Sweat was pouring down my back, and I struggled to put one step in front of the other. Where was my mum when I most needed her? A sister would have been nice, too, or an aunt. Picturing them in my head, they were smiling, tender, whispering soothing words into my ear, holding me up under the armpits, and rubbing my aching back.

I had to suppress a scream after accidently bumping my chest into the doorframe reminded me of how heavy and sore my breasts had become. With clenched teeth I moved over to a chair to hold onto and steady myself. I conjured her up again in my mind – my mother with her tired, pale but soft gaze whenever I was ill. Her harsh nature would have slipped off her like the skin of a snake, revealing her softer self for long enough to help me through this moment if she’d still been alive. I sighed and shuffled towards the sofa to sink into its soft cushioning.

An imaginary person standing next to me slowed down my beating heart, pushed the panic out of my nervous limbs, and suppressed the fear I felt for my little one, rummaging inside my body, pushing down on my bladder, making my stomach heave with the acidity that rose into my throat and mouth. I braced myself for the imminent waves of pain. The baby had no room left to move, had stretched my skin to a tight bulky protrusion, and my slim legs in stark contrast stuck out of my warm maternity dress below. ‘If Markus doesn’t take us, Morag will’, I whispered, stroking my tummy.

I leaned back into the sofa and thought of Morag, my dear neighbour and friend, a woman who’d made me feel so special from the moment we’d met. I closed my eyes and let myself believe that it was okay to dream of her as a mother, replacing the old image of my real one swatting me away as if I’d been a fly buzzing into her ear.

Morag’s hand was warm the first time I held it, her eyes attentive and her demeanour gave me the impression that she was genuinely interested in me. She’d been busy in her front garden where she’d snipped at her neat rose bushes and trimmed hedges. Her dark eyes were alive, matching her words. ‘It’s so wonderful that I will have steady neighbours again.’ She beamed. ‘We’ve met before, haven’t we?’ She turned to Markus and held out her hand, who shook it heartily.

‘Yes, I checked on the house on a few occasions. It’s been a good rental investment, but I look forward to moving out of the city centre and enjoying it… with my lovely wife.’ He’d laced his arm around me and squeezed me into his toned chest.

My eyes lingered on a framed picture, pulling me back to reality. It was my wedding photo that reflected a different person to the one I was becoming. I was already a trained music teacher when I first met Markus, filled with the passion for my craft. I was what you’d call a typical introvert because I avoided crowds and interactions with people and shied away from eye-contact. Music had been the ideal vehicle through which I wanted to communicate with the world.

I’d spent our first year together moving between Markus’ rental accommodation on Holyrood Road, near Edinburgh’s historic Royal Mile, and my childhood family home in Craigmillar. From Markus’ living room window, I couldn’t peel my eyes away from Arthur’s Seat, an extinct volcano, offering me a different view every day. Whether fog or rain were blurring the shades of the city’s prominent green hill one day, or sunshine and blue skies making my eyes spot hikers and dog walkers mounting the strong rock on other days, I marvelled at the sight each time. ‘I would never tire of this view, Markus,’ I said, sipping my coffee and standing at the window.

‘Yeah, a cool spot, isn’t it?

I had to agree. We were close to Edinburgh’s oldest landmarks and just minutes away from the city’s bustling centre. ‘My grandad would have loved this,’ I said, with an ache in my throat.

‘Now, you’ve got me,’ Markus said, wrapping me in a big hug at the mention of my beloved grandfather.  The start of our relationship had been a period of spontaneity, fun and first love for me. I’d been living with my dad until he suffered a fatal heart attack three years earlier, the last remaining member of my family gone. Falling in love with Markus had helped me move on. I’d inherited my parents’ small family apartment, and despite its setting in one of the less affluent parts of Edinburgh, I was glad for the financial independence it offered.

‘You’re such a gorgeous woman, Lizzie. The moment I spotted you and watched your fingers travel over the piano keys, oh my word, I knew we had to be together.’ His eyes had a cheeky gleam when he’d spoken these words, and at the end, his hand had travelled to his top jacket pocket to extract a small box. I’d been tongue-tied about being offered my first gift of precious jewellery. He’d hooked the delicate necklace around my neck, before sweeping me off my feet to make me laugh.

Half a year later, it was an engagement ring he slipped onto my finger, as he’d grinned into my astonished face. ‘Markus!’ I’d said, clutching at my chest.

‘I’m a romantic at heart.’ He looked at my hand, and kissed it where the sparkling gem was covering my skin, causing my eyes to well up. ‘This is to show you that I mean every word I said months ago. We should give notice to the tenants in my house in Dalkeith, you move out from your place – not just some sexy underwear and the odd blouse that have found their way into my wardrobe’, he winked. ‘I want us to have a real home.’

‘A real home,’ I said, and nodded as if Markus had read my mind.

‘Yes, and I know we spoke about kids and all, but maybe we shouldn’t rush in that department yet, okay?’ Heat rose to my cheeks at the mention of children.

My father died relieved that he lived long enough to see me receive my teaching diploma and that he’d been able to leave me with a debt-free patch to live in. He’d been the last person I’d called family.

A gasp escaped my throat as another contraction pulled me back into reality, piercing my lower spine like a knife, taking my breath away. My false ideas about natural and women have been through this pain for thousands of years vanished into thin air as I moved over to the rug, lowered myself towards the floor, and once I was on all fours, let out a groan. I’d read many accounts of childbirth, its painful progress described in minute details on insightful websites. However, the reality was far worse than I could have ever imagined.

‘It’s too early for us to become parents,’ Markus had said.

‘You knew I’d forgotten to take the pill…’

‘Yes, don’t remind me; what a disaster.’ He’d sighed and slumped back into a chair, looking as heavy and grey as the clouds darkening our living room that day.

From that moment, I’d been on my own with the baby, only getting the odd reluctant yet kind query from Markus when I’d been up in the early morning vomiting and struggled to ready myself two hours later for work. Sometimes he seemed to awaken from a slumber and apologize for his lack of presence. The baby had become an ice cube stuck between us. It would melt over time, I hoped, and vanish as soon as Markus held his child for the first time.

I hummed to myself for a while, willing the reprieve from pain to last longer, and tried to explore what a steady tone may achieve during the height of a contraction. It helped me control my fear and prepared me for the next onset of tight muscles that contracted through a life of their own. I crawled over to the coffee table and reached for my mobile again, the small white headphones still plugged in from my previous listening session. The screen was blank, no new messages.

I’d started contracting the night before but dismissed them for Braxton Hicks contractions. By 9:30 I noticed that they were getting as regular as the beats on my metronome and I sent a text to Markus who’d left early that day, with no response. I called his direct line at work and then his mobile again, both of which rang off without an answer. It was 10:15 and my husband was out of reach. I dialled his number again and got through to his colleague who reassured me that Markus should be back from a meeting any time soon. ‘I’ll try to get through to him, Lizzie. Is there someone else who can help you in the meantime?’ Yes, you moron, but I want my husband here, not someone else. I didn’t utter the words aloud, but said, ‘Yes, sure,’ through clenched teeth and hung up. Another contraction cut through me as sharp as a razor and left me bathed in sweat. There was no time for anger, as much as it hurt to feel stranded like a whale on dry sand.

It was a shock to realize that after weeks and months of his loyal phone calls during the day, he was unavailable when I most needed him. Markus had come around to the idea of a family – or so I thought – pleased I’d given up my teaching job in town, sold my parents’ home and provided some stability to his former chaotic lifestyle by creating a homely and welcoming place to come back to in the evening.

I placed both hands on my tight belly and exhaled loudly, noting with dismay that whenever I had tried to get in touch with Markus, he was never available or only responded hours later. It had always been on his terms. Frustration made me want to throw the vase he’d offered me for my last birthday off the table. I’d asked for a vase yet had been incredulous at the choice he had made. He had looked pleased with himself and his eyes had seemed innocent when he asked whether I liked it with that endearing eagerness to please in his voice. Markus had thought the best place for the hideous black item should be the centre of the coffee table where, until then, I’d left my books or some magazines.

‘So, is that a way of telling me you don’t like my magazines and books lying out?’ I’d asked cheekily, watching his eyes roll in response.

‘You don’t like it?’ He grimaced with a mock impression of a sad face.

‘What? No, it’s lovely… unusual… interesting,’ I’d mumbled, conditioned a long time ago to never criticise, and noted that he had not answered my initial question.

‘I knew you’d like it,’ he said, slapped his hands on his thighs and got up to pour himself a beer.

I eyed the wretched item, but before I could satisfy my sudden urge to dethrone it, another contraction was pulling me to the ground and I knew I had to act fast because despite all the maternity books showing that a first birth was slow and its journey often scattered by false alarms, my symptoms were challenging the statistics now.

‘Hello, Morag,’ I breathed down the line, my hand sweaty as it held the phone too tightly. I urged my body to finish the sentence before another contraction would mute any sound escaping my mouth. ‘I need you…’

‘Lizzie? Are you OK?’ Morag’s voice cut through my sentence and because I only managed a gasp, she continued, ‘I’ll be right over, hold on tight, pet.’ I burst into tears, and managed a silent nod before the line went dead. Morag had been keen to make me her friend and, by the looks of it, even make me into another of her children, so urgent and intense were her maternal reactions to help and protect me.

Remembering my father’s casket being lowered into the ground not that long ago still brought back a dull ache at the centre of my stomach. I’d stood at the foot of his grave, the heels of my soggy boots sinking into the mud, realizing that I’d never found a common ground with either of my parents. It wasn’t your fault, my dad had whispered to me on his death bed. You’ve been a wonderful daughter to me. I’m sorry that we’ve not been such good parents. However, I still felt it had been my fault that I’d never invoked the tender feelings in my mother I so yearned for. I could still picture her proud smile when I came first in a local music competition or was given a prize at school, yet that smile was distorted by the pain she could inflict, inked into the image like a botched tattoo. My mother’s hands went clammy, her voice changed in tone and her eyes blinked when she left the safety of her four walls, and nothing would change this – no loving, patient husband or a quiet and obedient daughter like me. To break through that complex web of insecurities, it would have needed a great deal of determination and self-knowledge which I didn’t have as a child.

And now there was Morag.

I checked again for a text from Markus, and leaned over to rest my head and my arms on the nearby sofa. The coming and going of the pain had filled my morning and now it was lunch time, and still there was no sign of my husband.

‘Morag!’ I called out, relieved to see her silhouette appear in my line of vision. We’d insisted to trust her with our extra set of keys because I was turning into a heavily pregnant woman and Markus into an increasingly absent husband. You never know, Morag had said, nodding with approval, my expertise as a former nurse might come in handy.

Morag came close enough for me to smell her familiar floral perfume mixed in with something else, sweet and almost spicy. She must have been in the middle of baking one of her awe-inspiring cakes for a charity event or other social gathering because the smell carried an aroma of pleasant, sweet scents. It made my nose tickle and I sneezed before I could greet her.

‘Bless you, dear,’ Morag said, and placed a hand on my bulging tummy. ‘So, do you think our little one is ready to come out?’

‘I think so, yes. Gosh, it’s so good you’re here.’

‘You’re lucky I was still at home. I started the baking late today, but no worries darling – I’ve saved the dough and have already finished the cupcakes. It’s all under control.’ Her voice was chirpy and fresh while I felt sweaty and dishevelled next to her apparition of perfection, her styled silver hair, and clothes that matched with her shoes and handbag. As usual, she had starched her blouse to within inches of its life.

‘I couldn’t bake to save my life,’ I said.

‘Yes, and you look like corn ready to pop,’ she added, with her eyes wide, and I couldn’t help but burst out laughing.

‘That’s a good one, Morag, you come out with some crackers.’ I emitted another giggle before the next contraction transformed it into a deep groan, noticing that Morag’s face also changed from bright to solemn. The urge to scream overwhelmed me as the next wave of pain pushed its way through my body but ended up as a choked whimper.

‘Take it easy. Shallow breaths. Relax as much as you can,’ Morag said, while her right hand stroked my lower back in circular movements.

‘Aaaah.’ I exhaled slowly, the contraction subsiding and the warmth of Morag’s hand reaching through my skin.

‘Yes, dear. I know – I’ve been there... a few times. Can you believe that? And there were no epidurals and gas or whatever they give you now to help with the pain. Oh, sorry lassie, no reproach intended.’ She stepped away from me, clasping her hands together with the determination that I recognized as resourceful, and ready to take on a task. ‘Anyway, I’ll get everything ready. Our wee one is in a hurry!’ she said. ‘I’ll fetch the overnight bag… I guess you left it in the bedroom?’ I nodded, wiped my moist forehead and sipped some water from a half-filled glass Morag suddenly held in front of my face, to ease my parched throat. While I heard Morag’s busy footsteps move about the house, I heaved myself up and walked to the kitchen sink, cupping some water to refresh my face and drinking a few more mouthfuls straight from the tap.

‘Are you okay?’ Morag called from the upstairs landing. I exhaled through my mouth and braced myself for the next wave of discomfort, shouting, ‘Okay’ up to where Morag continued to rummage about. ‘We’re almost ready, love,’ Morag said as she reappeared downstairs, flitting between the kitchen to fill a small water bottle and the bedroom where she picked up a clean T-shirt for me. I was sweating and she commented that a looser top would help cool me down. ‘Here you go, and there’s a damp cloth to freshen you up a bit.’ The distraction stopped me from crying out as the next contraction made me grip the sides of the sofa, and I willed myself to breathe evenly. The intensity that had come and gone like a dark force within astounded me, because its grip squeezed and released my muscles without warning.

‘So, where is your husband?’ Morag asked, poking her head around the corner, and there was an undertone of disapproval. I mumbled some feeble excuse about work but knew I couldn’t fool her. She nodded with pursed lips. ‘Ah. I thought so,’ she said, her face like a loch’s flat and impermeable surface yet presaging unknown depths beneath. She was difficult to read because most of the time she had friendly chats with Markus even though I had a niggly feeling that she wasn’t too keen on him. ‘Don’t worry, the two… well, the three of us I should say, will be fine. Your husband is working hard, I’m sure,’ she conceded, shrugging into her coat and carrying mine over to the sofa to help me into it.

I’m not sure whether Markus deserves you, she’d once said.

But Morag, you don’t know him, I’d replied, hoping that I didn’t sound too reproachful.

I’ll give him one thing, pet. He’s found a lovely, gentle soul in you. So, there is hope, I suppose, she’d said, and her eyes had glazed over, lost in her own thoughts.

We were about to close the main door behind us when Morag shouted, ‘Hang on, hold your horses,’ and ran off to fetch what she’d forgotten. ‘The hot water bottle will ease the contractions when you sit in the car, my lovely. Let’s go,’ she said, hugging the fluffy item against her chest. ‘Aw, how exciting, Lizzie. You’ll be holding a baby in your arms soon. I can’t imagine anything more special than that.’ She smiled at me, prickling with excitement. ‘I remember that first encounter so well. The beginning of motherhood, everything ahead… a fresh start.’ She reached out her hand and patted my forearm. ‘I’m there for you. You’re such a slight little thing…’ Her last words floated in the air and I smiled.

‘I don’t know how I’d manage without you,’ I said, averting my eyes and looking down at my bump.

‘It’s a pleasure, Lizzie dear,’ Morag responded, while I flinched and clutched at my tummy instinctively. ‘Oh, another contraction already? Hmm, if only Pete could see me now,’ Morag exclaimed, her comment a reminder she’d been a widow for ten years and had told me she still struggled to come to terms with the lonely days at home, despite having joined a vibrant seniors’ book club, and contributed to many social events throughout the year. ‘Now I have you, my life is complete again. Thank you, darling,’ she’d let slip another day, before hoovering the floors for me and preparing a fish pie that was soon baking in the oven for dinner. ‘My children seem to be oblivious of my loneliness. They have found their life partners but after all these years, still no grandchildren in sight.’ Seeing the sad look in her eyes, I thought better than to mention that bearing a child surely was a personal choice. If I had, she’d have turned and walked away plumping up my sofa cushions, straightening my curtains or rearranging my jars and cans in height order in the kitchen. In the Little Miss book series, she’d have inspired the Miss Tidy title, no doubt.

When I previously asked her what she thought of me taking a break from work, she commented that ‘putting my career on hold was the best decision in my life. Why have a child if you plan to give it to a stranger to look after? Trust me, you won’t get bored. You have your whole life in front of you to work but only one chance to see your baby grow. And who will decorate your house, cook and look after the garden, make it a real home?’ Her eyes had lit up and without me even noticing it, we were shopping at Dobbies Garden Centre, preparing the baby’s bedroom together, and she taught me how to manage a household with expertise and a level of finesse I’d never known before. She kept me on my toes and weeks had passed before I realised that I’d neglected my two best friends, sending Cathy and Juanita short text messages only.

So sorry for not being in touch. Morag is awesome, like a mum. You must come over to see for yourself xxx.

‘Did your mum teach you all this?’ I’d asked Morag one day, but to my surprise the question only earned me a deep frown and a shake of her head.

‘My mother led a life of her own,’ she ended up saying to break the awkward silence. It was all she ever said about her mother, a relationship that I suspected was as mired a minefield as mine had been.

When I’d announced that the nausea overcoming me whenever she prepared a fresh cup of coffee was because of the early stages of pregnancy, Morag’s eyes had lit up like a Christmas tree and she’d run over to hug me. She’d had tears in her eyes when she let go again and looked into mine, holding me at a small distance away from her, her cheeks flushed with pleasure.

‘You love kids, don’t you?’

‘You have no idea how much, Lizzie,’ she’d said. I’d deduced that because both Morag’s son and daughter had opted to have no children, the yearning would have built up for years, making its landfall at my doorstep. ‘Sometimes, you need to accept that you can’t depend on your family for making your dreams come true,’ she’d said. ‘So, from now on, you can count on me like you can count on a real mother,’ Morag had added, and squeezed my arm.

As the memories came and went, I carried my bulky body to the car, apprehension pitted in my stomach. After laboriously settling into the passenger seat, the reality that I was about to give birth hit me as well as another contraction. I groaned and doubled over, retching at the smell of air freshener dangling from the rear-view mirror.

‘All right love, hang in there.’ Morag patted my bent back, then drove out of the tight garage.

I reached for the window. ‘Sorry, Morag. I need fresh air, or I’ll be sick.’ She frowned, nodded in response while adjusting the mirror, checking that the towel she had placed on my seat was still covering all the edges.

‘Just in case,’ she’d said, as usual a step ahead with planning unpleasant eventualities. ‘In case your waters break.’ She smiled and off we went onto the main road. There was a chill in the air with my window down a quarter of the way and we chatted about the possibility of a white Christmas this year. We listened to the radio, a forecast telling us to expect a very wet weekend, the chatter cut short by my hand turning it off. I needed silence to endure the increased frequency of the pain.

Morag stayed by my side, holding my hand, rubbing my back and talking soothingly into my ear when we arrived on the maternity ward, pulling the trolley bag behind us while supporting me with her other free arm. My eyes burned with tears at seeing her kindness.

My real mother had succumbed to a virulent cancer of the lungs, causing her to live the last months of her life in bitter regret and anger. Why me? she’d asked anyone willing to listen, and added how unfair life had been, which would culminate in an unfair death to top it all off.

I’d been tempted to burst out laughing the first time I heard her lament because it was a comical remark, coming from the woman who’d not only submitted her body to decades of chain smoking but also exposed her husband, daughter, and father-in-law to it. We suffered from her addiction as much as we also understood how hard it would have been to give it up. She’d known no different as a child. I didn’t want her to be in pain, whether or not it seemed almost a logical consequence. She was my mother and something ingrained it in me that I needed to honour her, regardless of whether or not she deserved it. You have only one mother in life, don’t you?

My vision had fogged up with the pain that returned in my lower back. I put all my efforts into steadying my breathing, willing my knees not to shake. My hands were chilled, and I slid them under my coat where they settled onto my tight, warm bulging tummy, a little heater that seemed to have attracted and now contained all of my body’s warmth. I resigned to give in to the inner force at work, an independent power that had settled in a corner of my body and had grown to its biggest size, and was now about to move out.

It was not at all what I’d expected but, I wasn’t sure what I had expected. Explanations from other pregnant women during my antenatal classes were too descriptive or too vague for me to internalize. I only went to two classes anyway, as Markus never made it on time and I gave up rather than face a room full of couples alone, and their inevitable scrutinizing gazes or the risk of being pitied. To Morag’s queries I proclaimed that the classes were boring and not worth both my and Markus’ time. For once, my neighbour had not prodded further, simply nodded. ‘You’re right. There is nothing that I can’t tell you anyway, dear. Don’t waste your precious time.’

When I held my baby in my arms, Morag was the one who wiped my tears and hers out of our faces and, thanks to her, I believed all would be well.

’Well done, darling,’ she whispered. ‘This was a quick birth. I admit I’m surprised. He’s quite a hefty fella, given your little frame.’ The compliment elated me. ‘I’m so proud of you,’ she added, and a mixture of relief and love for my friend’s selfless dedication made me shake with tears. ‘Now, now, come here, my darling,’ she said, and embraced me. ‘The moment Markus sets eyes on our little miracle, he’ll fall in love with his beautiful son.’

My mobile phone bleeped with an incoming call the moment I settled my baby in his cot for the first time. Words tumbled out of my mouth as I heard Markus’ voice at the other end. He listened to my story of giving birth, the wobbly knees, the searing labour pains that had come fast and furious as soon as I had lumbered myself to the hospital lift, with Morag in tow. He reassured me he’d be up in a minute, that he was looking for a parking space. I sighed with relief that he’d not abandoned me. He’d not apologized nor explained his lack of response to my attempts to reach him, yet I’d not let him talk either, so I put the phone down and slumped back into the bed with a sigh and closed my eyes.

Morag was leaning over the cot while my mind adjusted to being a mother. The midwives had all commented on the ward that for a firstborn it had been quick, too quick even to assist with an epidural. I shivered at the memory of having squeezed Morag’s hand so tightly that the woman had winced in pain herself. It should have been Markus sitting by my side and the more time passed, the more it stung, leaving my heart aching. ‘Keep breathing, focus on your breathing. You’re almost there,’ Morag had said, her voice reaching me through the fog that clouded my senses during the most intense part of labour. The baby’s weight had borne down towards my hips and I grasped onto the sides of the bed as if sailing on a ship on a stormy sea. I’d been a vessel whose cargo was being released onto dry land. When he cried his lungs into shape, I threw myself into a life I cannot put into words yet.

About the Author: Helene Andrea Leuschel gained a Master in Journalism & Communication, which led to a career in radio and television in Brussels, London and Edinburgh. She later acquired a Master in Philosophy, specializing in the study of the mind. Helene has a particular interest in emotional, psychological and social well-being and this led her to write her first novel, Manipulated Lives, a fictional collection of five novellas, each highlighting the dangers of interacting with narcissists. She lives with her husband and two children in Portugal.

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[ultra-anime-fan-love]

black butler romance (eng)

Chapter 7:

Four years later

It was an important day for the Phantomhive house, since on this blessed day the marriage of Sebastian Michaelis and Grell Stucliff is taking place. All were gathered for this event: Phantomhive House, friends and family. The ceremony was about to end, Grell beaming with happiness in his long red scarlet dress and Sebastian in his black tuxedo (which does not really change his normal clothing) smiled widely. The lover arrived at the moment of saying yes he asked the two spouses to approach and he turned to Grell. "Do you Grell Stucliff accept to take for a husband Sebastian Michaelis here present to love and cherish him in joy as in sadness, in health as in sickness, in wealth as in poverty until death separates you?" The priest said in an official voice, Grell turned to Sebastian smiling and said "Yes, I do" the priest turned to Sebastian "And you Sebastian Michaelis do you agree to take for wife Grell Stucliff here present to love and to cherish it in joy as in sadness, in health as in sickness, in wealth as in poverty until death separates you?" Asked the priest looking at him, Sebastian turned his head towards Grell and smiling he replied "If it is possible to die, yes I do." The priest smiled and spoke to the whole room "If there is anyone who opposes this marriage may he talk now or forever keep silent." Ciel sits in the first row reacts at this moment "Lizzie hold me back or I'll get up." He says grabbing his arm Lizzie holds him back with a neutral expression "Ciel you stay sited." Ciel relaxed a little, "Thank you." He said with a sigh of relief. The priest repeated the question, raising his eyebrows. "Nobody?" William got up instinctively and Dearie immediately sat him back down and said, "Dad, you stay sitting," said Dearie, holding back his father. "But I totally oppose to this marriage." William said nervously, "You lost your right on mom the day you leave her." Dearie said between his teeth. The priest scrutinized the room one last time and resumed the ceremony "Well nobody, good. I declare you husband and wife, you can kiss the bride." Grell smiled shyly as Sebastian approached with a smile, he leaned over and they kissed under the applause of the crowd. Then everyone went to the Phantomhive mansion for the reception.

At the reception

Everyone congratulated Sebastian and Grell on their marriage, wishing them happiness. Then it was the moment of the dance Sebastian advanced on the track with Grell to open the ball. Everyone found a partner to dance except Ciel who came into conflict with Dearie on the edge of the track. "Please, Ciel dance with me." Begged Dearie, holding him by the arm. "I said no Dearie I'm dancing with Lizzie." Ciel said trying to get away "But you always dance with Lizzie. Can’t you make an exception for once?" Said Dearie on the verge of tears "I said no." Ciel said firmly. "Humf, you'll be able to beg as much as you want he will not change his mind ..." said a familiar voice Ciel and Dearie turned his head in the direction of the voice and a young man dressed in purple with blond hair came close to them. Ciel opened his eyes in big surprise "Alois? But I thought you were dead." Alois laughed, "Well no, I'm not. Do not ask me how, I also thought I was dead, but here I am." Dearie looked at Ciel with incomprehension "Uh Ciel, you explain to me."Ciel looked up to the sky "Old acquaintance he tried to kill me and his servant trying to eat my soul." Alois laughed again apologetically "Excuse me yes I know, but Claude will not try anything this time believe me anyway it's impossible now that Hannah turned you into a demon .Claude cannot eat your soul since that you do not really have one anymore. Demons have no soul right." Ciel looked at him suspiciously. "Yes, that's right ..." Alois smiled innocently. Dearie turned his attention back to Ciel "Please?" Ciel sighed in exasperation "I said no Dearie I already have a partner. Lizzie ... "he walked away and took Lizzie's hand in his on the dance floor."Why does Lizzie always win?" Dearie looked at them angrily "Do not worry; I was obsessed with Ciel a while back you’ll get over it." Alois said, putting a hand on his shoulder. Then there was a shrill voice "Deeeeaaaaarrrrrie." "Oh no, not again." Dearie said hitting his forehead. A four-year-old girl with jet black hair, amber-colored eyes and an orange dress arrived. "Dearie dance with me please." Said Sweetie pulling on his sleeve "I said no Sweetie, I want to dance with Ciel." Dearie said ignoring his sister "But Ciel is already dancing with Lizzie. Dance with me please." Sweetie said pulling harder on his sleeve. Dearie pushed her away, still looking at the dance floor where Ciel and Lizzie were. Alois turned his head in her direction, "Who is that girl?" He approached her, by kissing her hand "Hello miss, my name is Alois Trancy. Would you like to give me this dance?" Sweetie blushed "Oh what a gentleman of course mmmh." She followed Alois on the track, sticking her tongue out to her brother staying on the sideline. "Arrg, no matter where is the punch bar." Dearie said getting away from the track. Alois and Sweetie danced together and had fun, despite her young age Sweetie was doing pretty well on the dance floor. "So tell me you are with the groom or the bride?" Asked  Alois "Both of them, my name is Sweetie Michaelis, they are my parents." Said Sweetie, smiling, "Ah, you're Sebastian's daughter interesting. Could we go to a quieter place to discuss ..." Alois said with a smile "Oh yes, of course." Sweetie said, taking him by the hand, they both slipped off of the reception.  After a while the dance stopped and Grell asked everyone's attention to make an announcement. "This is the moment of the bouquet launch so all the girls who are not yet married make a line behind me." All the girls rushed behind Grell waiting patiently. "Well, you're ready: one, two, and three ..." Grell said, throwing the bouquet behind her, all the young girls threw themselves on it, but only one grabbed it with determination. She exclaimed happily, "I have it you seen that Ciel I caught it."Lizzie literally danced on the spot "Bravo Lizzie." Grell said cheering "Yes bravo darling ..." said Ciel without conviction then he approached Sebastian whispering "Sebastian help me "Sebastian put a hand on his shoulder to reassure him "Come on, my lord, it would have happened one day or the other, and you were engaged since you were little after all. In addition, girls love weddings." Ciel looked up in confusion "I thought they loved babies?" Sebastian smiles "Yes marriages and babies, why do you think I made my request to Grell after the birth of my daughter?" Ciel raised his eyebrows "Was for that?" Sebastian smiles enigmatically, "That's one of the reasons ..." Then another familiar cry was heard "Your Highness ..." Sebastian turned his head to the guest in question, "Claude." He said coldly, "Sebastian " A man wearing a black tuxedo with glasses on his nose, with his black hair very well dressed, said coldly."I thought you were dead?" Sebastian said surprised at his presence "Well no I'm still here shocking is it not. I'm not here for Ciel do not worry I'm looking for His Highness have you seen him?" Claude said coldly and neutrally as usual "No, otherwise I would not have been so surprised to see you." Sebastian said mockingly, "I see ... Hannah still nothing on your side?" Said Claude, turning to a woman with the hair of a light purple with a headband on her right eye. "No, sorry." Hannah said timidly. "That's all right; we're going to find him." Claude said, continuing his research with Hannah on his heels. Grell arrived at Sebastian's side. "Do you know him?" Sebastian frowned, "An old acquaintance." he said, turning his attention to the reception. Meanwhile not far from the party hall "Alois ... hi hi hi ... it tickles." Sweetie said leaning on the wall behind her. Alois approached her, kissing her in the neck "Yes I know, but you really want me to stop?" He said raising his head "But if anyone hears us ..." said Sweetie timidly "Oh well let's stay discreet and that should be fine." Alois said, taking his chin between his fingers before kissing her Sweetie gave in to his advances and returned his kiss leaning back to the wall. Alois moved closer to her and opening his eyes he noticed a strange detail "Your eyes are red, I thought they were amber." "Oh, no ... calm down, calm down, calm down ..." Sweetie said, turning away from Alois, waving her hands in front of her eyes to calm down. Then, opening her eyes and being sure they were normal again, she turned to him. "You are a demon, are not you?" Alois said raising an eyebrow "You do not mind?" Said Sweetie, looking at him scared, "No, why should I all my servants are demons, my butler for example he is a spider-demon. Your father I think it's a raven demon if I'm wrong?" Alois said, approaching again "Really ... um, you're really special." She came closer to him when a cry was heard, "Your Highness, where are you at last?" "Oh damn, hush." Alois put a hand on Sweetie's mouth and waited, hiding behind a thick curtain. Claude arrived in the corridor "Hannah did you find him?" He asked, "No always nothing, I'm doing my best." Hannah said with a sigh, "Arrg where's he gone to? It's not that hard to find."Then he and Hannah went away. "OK the way is free." Alois said, releasing Sweetie "It was your butler, you are royalty?" Said Sweetie, stepping back a bit, "No, I'm nobility, but my butler calls me Your Highness as a sign of respect, just as your father calls Ciel my lord. I prefer your highness." Alois said, getting closer again "Ah ok." Sweetie said, looking up, "If we go back to where we were ..." Alois said as he was about to kiss her suddenly the curtains parted abruptly and Claude appeared "Ah your Highness you are here." Said Claude frowning his eyebrow "Oops, well I'll have to go see you next time Sweetie." Alois said giving her a kiss on the hand and then part with Claude and Hannah. "See you next time ..." Sweetie said, smiling foolishly, blushing. "Your Highness wasn’t that the daughter of Sebastian with whom you were?" Asked Claude, crossing the door of the manor. "Yes it was her and then." Said Alois, attaching no importance to it. "Is she not a demon like her father?" Said Claude, wondering "Yes, it will be very useful to me and moreover I like it. One more demon by my side it can be very beneficial to me." Alois said, sketching a bad smile.

End Chapter 7