#also would make sense to push mike and Will to the latter half of the act

[dinitride-art]

Five Act Structure: Seasons vs. Acts

Reworking some thoughts and ideas here. If Stranger Things is set up in five act structure (which is so cool and I never want to stop talking about it also here’s this post where I explain what I’m talking about) then the parallels between season two and season four change a bit- but also viewing the story as a whole might change too (when looking at it in five acts).

Season one had a pretty cut and dry story: Will went missing, supernatural elements introduced, character introductions, banishing supernatural elements, Will comes back. If they didn’t get a second season the story would still hold up. This is also a really good set up for the rest of the story, it’s the ~prologue~. Also it’s ACT I. But just talking about the story within the season- it’s solid stuff. There’s stuff that’s unresolved yeah, but not to the point where you’d watch it and think, what’s next. We’re not done here- hey! Get back here- like you would think at the end of let’s say, season four. (Also season one has the first major death that effects the narrative later- barb)

Season two is more complicated than season one. We’re well aware by the end of it that this story is not done- the Mind Flayer is still a problem. The last scene where we flip over into the Upside Down tells us that this part of the story isn’t finished. Season two also starts developing Lucas and Max, and Mike and El’s (although really different from Lucas and Max) relationships. It also explores Mike and Will’s relationship.

The Snowball is a really interesting point in the season because it’s the last episode and the last scene. It’s also a weird sort of misdirection that’s telling us everything worked out okay. But it’s not okay. Bob is dead, El literally just ran away and was being confronted with her past, Will was just possessed, Barb is still dead, the Mind Flayers still alive- the Snowball is like a bandaid on you’re feelings for your best friend. Unhelpful and clearly hiding something. Season two is a good portion of ACT II, and it makes sense for things to be unresolved at the end of season two- because ACT II hasn’t run it’s course yet.

All characters usually are introduced by the end of ACT II, so Robin being introduced in season three would make sense if we’re actually still in ACT II at the start of season three. Season three also continues to follow the Mind Flayer. We’re still dealing with the same problem as season two. Character wise, we’re exploring Lucas and Max’s romantic relationships, El and Max’s relationship (continuing from Max’s interests in El in season two), Mike and El’s relationship, and Mike and Will. We’ve also continued on with Dustin’s focus on girls, and his friendship with Steve. We’re dealing with almost all the same problems for everyone, just continuing in a different season. Our main problem is the Mind Flayer, and that leads us straight to the climax- the Mind Flayer at Star-court and Hopper’s “death”.

Right before the battle at star court is where ACT II ends. Then we get to ACT III, the climax, where everything big happens all at once. Usually the climax is one scene so that’s why I’m saying it’s when they defeat the Mind Flayer, Billy dies, Hopper “dies”, and there are literal fire works going off making everything that much more intense. After the climax, the Byers move away, Mike and El (get back together?) have a relationship development and Mike seems all out of sorts about it, and everything starts going in a downwards spiral.

However, going back to ACT II for a second here, looking at where we are by the time of the climax (and during) everything has pretty much been resolved- Suzie’s revealed as a real person/Dustin’s girl problems stop, all party relationships are pretty okay again. Max and El are friends, Nancy and Jonathan are cool again, Hopper and Joyce were going to go on a date, Mike and El are cool again, pretty much every problem that’s had a clear cut story line from season two finds an end in season three. Of course there’s still things that aren’t resolved, but for the most part, when the season ends it’s okay. The cliff hanger comes separately from the end of the season (like Will in season one).

Season four is a lot like season two; it’s the start of and act but it also stops in the middle of that act. A new problem is introduced in season four: Vecna/Henry Creel/One. This is not the same guy as the Mind Flayer at all. Everything also starts going terribly in season four because now we’re in ACT IV- the bad one. After the climax everything falls to pieces- and where we’re sitting right now, in the middle of ACT IV, it’s still falling apart. Season four problems are going to carry over into season five, much like the Mind Flayer into season three, because it’s the same act.

So this all got me thinking about the act structure in relation to the story, and what if ACT II and ACT IV are paralleling each other, and not just season two and season four? That would mean that all of season two and most of season three could be seen as paralleling season four (and most of season 5). That really changes things for me because that expands the possibility of what’s actually happening quite a bit. It also messes with the idea that season two and season four could be related to each other in specific ways(like being inverted), because ACT II and ACT IV cover different things. However, it would make more sense for ACT II and ACT IV to be paralleled because of the Snow Ball scene in the middle of both of them.

Mike also makes a lot more sense as a narrator when looking at Stranger Things in acts. Season one was a single act, so we saw a lot of Mike. We focused in on him and Joyce because they’re guiding us in season one. In season two, there’s less of Joyce and more of Mike and other characters stories- but Joyce makes a return in season three where Mike falls a bit more off to the side. But looking at season two and three as a whole, it’s pretty well divided between all the characters in respect to their placement and roles within the story. In season four we got a lot more Joyce and a lot more of the other characters development. Mike fell a bit to the side again, but it makes sense for that to happen if ACT IV isn’t completed. We haven’t really gotten to Mike in ACT IV yet. Similar idea with how Will goes from being the focus of season two, to being sidelined in season three. They’re still there and present in the narrative but they’ve done their part of the act- and now are helping the others do theirs.

Season five looks like it’s going to finish the rest of ACT IV (the downwards spiral) and pick up the storylines that haven’t been covered in the act yet. Mike and Will, Jonathan and Nancy, Max and El, Vecna and the Upside Down, the consequences of Eddie’s death, what happened to Owens, mystery around the Upside Down- and everything else that season four started to get into but didn’t actually conclude.

[the-firebird69]

We have several things to report the woods of Sarasota are clear of the pseudo empire as soon as he was of Tampa and fort Myers Cape Coral to the South and in the rings they're not ammassed. And they're not amassed in Florida and the reason is they're all dead as are warlock who are opposing them and clones mostly the latter and it was a hell of a battle there were a lot of casualties and it's going to be more. It's a big day but the pseudo empire that were hit were higher-ups and the same with the last time and same with the clones. There's an extraordinary large number of them this time it was in the millions each side and they had rounded up about 50% of the warlock remaining population because they went to Miami too that's correct so not only did they evacuate and it was 30% when another 35% would have evacuated had they not been grabbed and that leaves 35% roughly 38% here of those who are here that's what's left they're probably going to leave

-there are a lot of people who are concerned with what's happening here they don't like the combat their son near our son we don't like it either and are very concerned we think that's wrong and we are looking for solutions right now and the pseudo empire is considering attacking the clones. They're actually gearing up for it and they're getting ready to. And they plan on trying to push the clones out. And we mean their ships and certainly makes sense

-other things to mention here we have a group of people that don't want to comply with any request and those people are going to be moved out and removed and yeah I've been a pseudo empire they don't want them here so they're taking them out of here and it is but it should be different without them. They're also trying to grab people they take care of us foreigners and Max that's been going on for the past few days and they encountered an area and they say it's impenetrable maybe they find fierce fighting and then they try to identify who it is Cleveland identifying our areas and where we were and where we might be and is changing they said there's no way that we pull the idiots out and these groups move in even the phones no the three and they started to discuss what to do and a lot of the times they say we can find them or gas them that way we'll get real Intel those things are unacceptable to us so we are deterring them and we will stop them and what they want to use are spaceships so we are reducing their latitude here as we're not making all airspace free we're taking it back and see what a taxi ships there going to have to attack offshore no. We have already begun to defend our areas as have the Max and forgieners quite fiercely. And for those who want to know our son said Thor is telling me and Freya he's trying to try and harass me and we went after your idiots to shut you up and we killed half of them here in Florida and we be the ones living here that means shut up Mike tew. And he's outraged and our son says at what. And he's threatening our son now he's saying that he's gone so we're going to go after him and nail that piece of s***.

-and we have other things for doing to cease and their activities here and it is an increasing effort by a large groups. We're going to cordon Florida off ourselves. And with large groups foreigners and Max agreed that these people don't need to be here they are horrendous both groups are slobs and we agree too and they all be destroyed trying to get here instead of ruining things they will be forced to come here out of a false sense of pride and our son interrupted and said that he said they will be absorbed out of a false sense of pride and they laughed and said this is what it sounds like to us these people are wrong they need to leave. Half the ones that remained and that was morlock are leaving and pseudo empire are now being removed physically they are being pulled out and they are protesting but they're leaving because they sit there threatening stupid s***. That would affect everybody in that area so we're we're pulling them out and the macs are plenty and the forgieners.

We're going to publish this is huge

Thor Freya

Olympus

Zues Hera

[magnusetdona]

Hello there family! Back from the dead and ready to kick things into gear. Please bear with me as I update Brina's bio and her page but to help with plotting and to explain what's going on with our most elegant and wonderous badass babe of science and medicine I humbly present this to you! Below in are the current state of mind / things regarding Sabrina Mackie:

*** i tried to make it small that didn’t work so thank you so much for reading <3. gore tw, death tw, blood tw & mentions of these.

REGARDING FAMILY:

Bram Mackie: Supporting her brother's decision to become a supernatural in order to avenge their family and level the playing field in that regard what is done is done. For a moment it felt like she would lose him, like she had the tiniest doubt ( and still does ) that Bram would die and not complete the change. Now that he has and he's no longer in the hideout there is a stronger pull to make the journey into were-territory to do as she's always done and that's make sure he's alright and to take care of him. Brina has been trading in the black market for hard to find items like bacon, smoked ham hocks and specialty meats and things and plans on making a large spread as promised for him in his new home. The bacon/smoked ham hock / meat ( likely used for a polish hunter's stew - eden's heritage is showing ) will draw a decent crowd if not most werewolves in a decent radius. Bram hadn't approved of this sort of dealing before and certainly wouldn’t now knowing how often she’s frequenting insanely dangerous places to get these things but mackie’s tend to do what they want. ( she’s not told him the detail of her experiments or how she’s come up with a system to sneak into bite clubs and shady af places to collect samples that we will touch on later ). its her plan to make those who will now be involved with his life aware she is still a huge part of his and she still loses sleep over him knowing he's not in the other room now and how can she save the big bad werewolf from dying if she's not there?

Cardelle Mackie: With the injuries Cardelle has endured, both mentally and physically from his last altercation with a high vampire and their last conversation... Brina is concerned about him. With their older brother now a werewolf and on his own personal quest she'd holding the pieces of a tattered playing card and the tattered soul of her other elder brother, the much more handsome one she will aways tell him not knowing how to patch the latter up completely. Brina's ad a front seat to the differences between Bram & Card and now with Bram gone is again worried about how Card will react to this void knowing he's always competed with Bram to be better at everything instead of loving himself. Brina's noticed the uptick in drowning his sorrows and this has in turn made her push herself in the repair of the playing card and her brother. She's currently thinking of ideas on how to possibly help him out in all aspects of his life and quietly harboring deep resentment towards the vampire that so thoroughly wrecked him. Additionally she's torn between asking Card to move in with her or just move her things into his place and tell him she's living there now to take care of him and help him back to where he was and then better than before. She looses a ton of sleep thinking about how she can watch out for him and give him all the good things he deserves. If anyone can make steal ten seconds of happiness, Brina would steal them for Card not matter their cost.

Rory Mackie: She is still missing the other half of her soul. the chaos to her genius and its like losing part of herself - the phantom limb. Being twins she feels a special connection with her that is hard to explain that causes her not to give up in the search when so many others have moved on worrying about her. Brina didn't see her at SRS and since then I don't imagine the brothers with their own issues have had a chance to update Brina on this revelation. So for the moment every time she goes out to gather samples, wander the city discovering things and every chance she gets to speak to black market vendors Sabrina is looking for Mackenzie Rhys picture and all. The connection is fraying, not severed but if Rory were dead Sabrina would feel it and she dreads the day she might and then its one more step closer to being the last Mackie left alive and Sabrina even then would probably seek drastic measures to get her sister back. In short her family keeps her up at night wondering if they are safe and Sabrina doesn't give up on making sure they are okay and this connection out of every other is the one if she looses it will likely kill her. Brina would be lost if she loses Rory entirely.

Lucky Jones Adams: Lucky though not blood is a Mackie through and through. To the end of time and that last days to where eternity falls off into nothingness this is her sister for life. It's not like the connection she has with Lorelai where their souls are bound by some inexplicable twinness and a sixth sense though the way she feels about Lucky is the same. Her sister. A woman that helped raise her into the woman she became and while Sabrina is the first in a long line of Mackie's to hunt search for an alternative solution Brina would wrestle gods and slay demons if it meant Lucky would stay. She understands the disappearances, knows the struggles of the other without the exact detail. There are pieces Sabrina knows that the other one keeps close to her chest - Lucky is the lone wolf of their family but that doesn't stop this member of their small clan from worrying. Sabrina won't push it knowing she too disappears into her lab for days on end or travels about the streets of calamity slipping through crowds and what not and she admires Lucky for all she is. With her being back now and back to herself thanks to the Mackies and their hand Brina would love for one of her brothers to tell Lucky they love her. Brina is unaware that Bram has said this and Brina just wants to keep kindling their relationship. If anything were to happen to Lucky or hurt her with everything its not likely Sabrina would let her disappear again and Brina would be there constantly, earnestly to help Lucky keep a handle on all the things or just be a comfort. When the world is spinning she knows she can count on Lucky but Sabrina wants to extend the same love and care that she's always felt from Lucky now Lucky is around and back to being themselves.

Michael Fothergill: Sabrina's first and second encounters with Mike have been rather interesting ones. Meeting her brother's best friend and now fellow werewolf. He's crazy she'll give him that and the type of crazy her sister would readily enjoy but Brina has strange feelings about Mike. Having declared herself the defacto matriarch of their family ( she thinks this not that it's actually true ) accepting someone new into the fold is a task. She's not against him no - quite the opposite she is entirely grateful to Mike for all that he is. He's just the type of off the wall the family melds well with and during Bram's turning he was there and he held her hand while she was afraid for Bram's life and kept her safe in case something went wrong. Admiration. That is what she feels that and gratitude for him now that he is part of their lives and there for her eldest brother when she can't be. Goodness she has questions though about werewolves and the life they live and wants to be sure she can trust him with the life of someone she loves and by extension Mike is now someone she also cares and worries over and will when she stops by Bram's new place bring him food and be on him too to make sure he's doing alright. Brina plans on having lunch with him or asking for some time to better understand what Bram is going through - he's not blood but he has no choice in the fact he is now part of the family at least in her mind.

REGARDING HER FELLOW HUMANS:

on the current state of the human faction: Brina has been keeping to herself, flying under the radar and honestly operating on auto-pilot. She does her work, eats, works, has a snack and then holds up in her lab for days. That or she switches out on the day she's not working to checking her plants and finding some other way to do something to keep busy. Or she's out on her own little scouting trip, wandering the city collecting more things, mapping more or spending time in the black market meeting interesting people or having dinner there trading there as well becoming quite the regular.. However hearing their commander has become a vampire now ( however unintentionally ) and Axel's moving up in the chain of command she's got a lot to think about. They are in a shambles really, she feels and she worries without a stabilizing force what will become of her entire life or the safe haven they built here. Brina might speak to Axel about moving locations now or even becoming Head Medic or more. Brina could never fully leave them - never abandon them because everything she does is to gain knowledge to better help them all and one day make it so they no longer need to hide and can roam around safely. Brina want's to help but she's not sure where to start knowing most everyone there and knowing everyone needs a hand. Tis stressful coming out of ones lab to find the rest of it in some form of chaos. These are her friends and they are like family and Sabrina is only one person who can’t do it all, patching everyone up and watch them go through it without suffering a little herself. She’s currently thinking of ways to help but has yet to approach anyone yet to do this officially If anything the recent happenings in short have inspired her to take on a more intensive role within the faction and work harder on the projects she’s got going on to protect those who are left. If anything she’s going to crack into that massive journal and have a plan to pull things together to help her human family.

REGARDING OTHER SPECIES:

regarding vampires:  brina is considerably guarded on her feelings on them around most people. truthfully she wouldn't have a problem with them knowing this is their form of sustenance and most at a base level are surviving like everyone else. she wouldn't have a problem if they didn't show a complete disregard for humanity both of those they drain and themselves. she can understand some of it but what for a woman driven by facts and knowledge, a need to understand the world and in turn make it better all of that is speculation. Adding in the general sentiment a hunter family has around vampires who they steal humans, keep them as feeders and show little regard for the lives they take even indirectly by robbing them of that person and all the knowledge of hundreds of years they refuse to share and hoard to themselves it angers her. Mostly because she wants to know why because her life is built on knowing why and making plans and fixing things. It wouldn't help either by the fact people she's cared about have been turned and they are different people now. all in all though she has a healthy fear of vampires, she won't go volunteering to be bitten but would show respect to one if one respects her and would like to have an honest and frank conversation with one to understand why they are the way they are, what drives them, what their weaknesses are and yes then how to fix them. She doesn't wish to kill any of them because they were yes once human even if they no longer remember. In all honesty her protectiveness even extends to them in some odd way and there are a few who inspire her to continue her journey. The only one she would gladly see dead is Demetri for what he did to Cardelle - this is one thing she hasn't voiced to anyone. 

regarding fae: There has always been bad blood between humans and fae and Sabrina isn't sure why. She can assume its because at one time humans were horrible creatures and some still are and to have soured a potentially incredibly fruitful relationship troubles brina. Again a being of understanding, hungering for knowledge and a way to build and protect their mutual interests ... she's wary. Wary only because of the way she's been raised and the way they have been raised knowing she herself is a rarity among humans who's interest is in science, medicine and understanding of the world reach farther than just helping humanity and they don't know her enough to trust her. Sabrina would like to cultivate closer relationships in hopes to seek a more harmonious discourse and stronger ties to heal old wounds and learn more about them to lend assistance. Would it be so terrible though to admit Sabrina is curious about magic, eager to study the small sciences and mysteries of a world that humans are denied access to? . Brina is still careful how to approach this thought knowing the power fae have is no joke and regardless of their classification any angered fae, pissed off is deadly and some are simply cruel for shits and giggles. She has a healthy respect for them knowing she if admitted into one's friendship or even tolerance is a gift.

regarding werewolves: She has a new found love and respect for them as Bram is one now. Growing up as a Mackie and the spawn of generations of hunters being told not to trust them and how dangerous they are now with an in via Mike and Bram she'd like to know more about them. Their transformation, their drive how they live and exist to understand more. Brina is no fool, will suffer no fools either and is perhaps the most careful of the Mackie. She's got plenty of things in her bag to protect and defend herself from every sort of being but she is excited quietly to meet more of them and this new part of Bram's life. They will see her quite often after all as there is no separating her from his life and in her expanding understanding to know worlds of knowledge hidden from her and perhaps share some of hers to help Bram's new family.

regarding witches: Sabrina while silent on most things as she is extremely quite on making her above opinions known ( while this is changing ) she is appreciative for witches though the sentiment is not always shared by others. She appreciates them and their craft again having a healthy respect and fear over their powers knowing she is mortal and they are in a way but supremely gifted. Were it not for Zyler Fane would the sickness that had been continue on and effect more and in the black market, Sabrina, has been gathering hard to find items for some of the witches there in exchange for this or that but never magic spells or curses but to gain their trust and ask for help finding persons she needs to. They are dangerous if they are dark and the magic they manage is nothing Sabrina balks at and she'd like to know more and plans on asking questions to understand slowly the witches thought process and again help make bridges and secure protection for a faction that needs it.

regarding merfolk: Sabrina understands merfolk and humans don't have the greatest history but she finds them infinitely fascinating. She too has heard of their wealth of knowledge and while she would jump at the opportunity to know it knows that is theirs and not a line to cross as mer are notoriously private creatures. Their desire to keep such knowledge private is what she admires being herself an incredibly private person. Perhaps that is why whenever she encounters one Sabrina feels honored and special. Heck, she even has dinner with one once every few weeks while both wander the black-market whenever or wherever it pops up. Brina would want to study and learn more about them with their permission though she is unsure how to do that since there is the matter of logistics to consider. Her previous dealings with mer would have her trust them sooner than she would most other species.

regarding demonic beings: The one thing Sabrina is deathly terrified of are demons. Memories are still burned into her mind, haunt her dreams and are the main reason she hardly ever sleeps. They have brought her constant nightmares since she was a child after having watched her parents meet their end at the hands of one. She's met a few before and it has always been the greatest struggle to remain calm around them, to hide all evidence of fear knowing Demons would chomp at the bit for a soul such as hers or to end her life. Yeah demons are a touchy, touchy subject and while she's grown bolder venturing into the outskirts of their territory and would love to free feeders / breeders alike she's know we'd get a full on panic attack. 

regarding angelic beings, Her experience with angels, Nephilim ( enlightened or otherwise ) and fallen angels is extremely limited. She's met them, spoke with a few but not had enough interaction with any of them to form an opinion one way or another. Truthfully, she has doubts about their being a god and as much as she is curious to understand and uncover divine mysteries she's not had the desire to go looking but is none the less thinking about looking further into them for scientific purposes.

REGARDING HERSELF / PERSONAL ENDEVORS:

regarding her experiments / personal projects Sabrina is when she is not in the infirmary/medical wing of the hideout is experimenting somewhere and is never ever without her satchel and its contents which is where that journal of hers is housed. Brina is currently working on several little experiments. Vampire repellant, studying hematology not necessarily for a cure but multiple applications, hybrid plants that are resistant to disease, medicines, salves and cooking recipes. She also sneaks out to observe, map and draw parts of the city studying that too. They are a way of escaping her own thoughts by filling her head with other thoughts not focused on her problems and on things she can figure out and analyze. Good god though Sabrina more often than not is risking her life just to collect samples. Heck, Sabrina has even snuck into places most humans wouldn't want to get caught dead or alive in and into places if she were caught would mean a fate worse than death. After all what human has been into a bite club and not gotten nibbled at just to collect blood since its laying all over or a girl that has tailed the worst persons. If people knew what she did to get her selection of samples they might faint out of sure shock. Bram at the very least would drop a brick. What remains a constant though in any of this, Brina is willing to go to the ends of everything risking her own life in the process if it means protecting others and ushering forth the day where humans don’t have to hide and her children if she ever has half a mind to have any don’t live in fear as centuries of persons have.

regarding her quarters in the hideout and potentially finding her own place: It's just an idea. Its a thought that has been floating around her head about looking for larger quarters or perhaps even leaving the hideout to set up her own home some where. With Bram where he is now, with the level of care she wants to see Cardelle given and if no when they find Rory again and if any of them ever expand the family or if she find love which she highly doubts a home as always been the dream. A place to raise the next generation and to have large family dinners and to be at peace. For now she just wants more space to expand her lab or just find a place to sleep in her current lab and more books

in general ...

her ringtone in general is the harry lime theme from the third man

she’s got a collection of rare books 

is studying midwifery thought a senior medic 

brina cooks for people she likes to make up for not being constantly around

if you’ve passed through the hideout, brina is one of the first to great you and she knows everyone there

cares entirely too much and remembers everyone’s birthdays. makes an effort while giving tough love most of the time to make people feel loved and seen

won’t tell you she doesn’t like to sleep because she has nightmares 90% of the time

is an insomniac ^

works way too much

her journal is HUGE, likely enchanted to keep stuffing more pages and is like the mary poppins bag but in book form. 

even though she barely remembers her parents she’s mastered her mother’s knowing look

has a solution for most things 

smol, stealthy & deadly science woman with medical knowledge ™

keeps whiskey on her not for herself but for medicinal purposes 

doesn’t know how to flirt and hasn’t been in love, doubts she will be or find someone she tolerates in that way.

her love language is theft and arguing.

[discotreque]

LwD 1.10, “No Small Parts”

Well, that was the most fun I've had watching Star Trek in literally a quarter of a century.

I had high hopes for this series. I love TAS, largely because of its wacky outsized concepts that could only have worked in animation—not that they all did work, but the potential was so apparent to me, even as a kid reading the Alan Dean Foster novelizations—and as an adult, there's something about the imagination of Lower Decks's FX setpieces that transcends even the glorious CGI bonanzas of Discovery.

Pause for a confession. I've long pushed back against criticism of serialization in new Trek. That's just how TV is now, okay? Might as well complain about it being in widescreen. But I'm backing down a little, because I've realized there is something about Star Trek that's inextricable from at least a partially-episodic format. And while Picard was telling a different kind of story, I can't deny that my favourite episodes of Disco have been the ones with a mostly self-contained A-plot. After 10 delightfully episodic instalments of LwD, its focus on long-term development of characters instead of a season-spanning puzzle-plot (okay, mostly just Mariner, but we only have 10 × 22 minutes and she is the star) has been downright refreshing.

So here we are, at the end of the most consistent and well-executed Season 1 of a Star Trek series since, arguably, Those Old Scientists. And sure, if they'd had to produce another... yikes, 42 episodes? Then sure, they probably would have dropped a clunker or two—but they didn't, and winning on a technicality is still winning. I'm practically vibrating with excitement for Disco to come back next week, but damn, I'm going to miss this little show while it's on hiatus.

Spoilers below:

Something I've been keeping track of finally paid off this week! (Which never happens to me, lol.) The destruction of the USS Solvang marked the first present-day death(s) of any Starfleet officer on Lower Decks, the only other on-screen killing at all being a flashback in "Cupid's Errant Arrow". Which makes sense, being (a) a comedy, and (b) about typically "expendable" characters: it hasn't been afraid to flirt with a little darkness here and there, but killing people off at Star Trek's usual pace wouldn't just be wrong for the tone, it would be downright bizarre.

But... people die on Star Trek. That's one of the core themes of the show, really: space is full of knowledge and beauty, but also danger and terror, and believing that the former is worth the risk of the latter is (according to Trek) one of humanity's most noble traits. I'm the least bloodthirsty TV watcher I know, but the longer we went with a body count of nil—ships completely evacuated before they were destroyed, main characters hilariously maimed without permanent consequences, etc.—well, I didn't mind per se, but the absence of truly deadly stakes was definitely getting conspicuous.

Turns out they were saving it up for maximum impact. And holy fuck, I've never felt such a pit in my stomach watching a ship get destroyed that wasn't named Enterprise. It felt grim and brutal and somehow both much too quick and dreadfully inevitable—and yeah, it looked extremely fucking cool—and I'd like every other Star Trek property for the rest of time to take notes under a large bold heading labeled RESTRAINT.

Comedy doesn't need to do this, but my favourite comedy does, and in a way that few other art forms can even approach: lower my emotional defences by making me laugh, endear character(s) to me with goofy-but-relatable antics—then BAM, sucker-punch me in the motherfucking feels. M*A*S*H is probably the classic example on TV, Futurama was notorious for it, and even Archer has pulled it off a few times; it's also a staple of some of my favourite standup. I wasn't sure if Lower Decks was going to go there in Season 1—and wasn't sure if they'd earn it—but I knew if they did, that they'd nail it, and damn. Feels good to be right.

Last batch of notes for the season!!! I rambled enough already, so let's do it liveblog-style:

I fucking KNEW they were going to use "archive" visuals from TAS at some point, I KNEW IT :D

"THOSE OLD SCIENTISTS" ahahahahahahahahahahahaha

I like chill and confident Boimler a lot? You can really see—

oh bRADWARD NOOOOO

That opening shot of the Solvang tracking down to the red giant was extremely Discovery-esque... minus the motion sickness, that is

A lady captain AND a lady first officer? That's—oh hey, it's Captain Dayton's brand-new ship. Hahaha, that means they're totally fucked, right?.

Yep! They sure a—umm, wh—shit, okay, but—oh no—no, you can't—wait DON'T

...fuck

FUCK.

Narrator: "And then Amy needed a five-hour break."

[live-action Star Trek showrunner voice] "Gee, Mike! Why does CBS let you have two cold opens?"

Okay, yes, the bit with Rutherford cycling through all the different attitudes in his implant was transparently an excuse for Eugene Cardero to vamp while waiting for something to do in the story, but as far as I'm concerned they can contrive a reason for him to do a bunch of different silly Rutherfords in a row any time they damn well want, because that was classic!!!

EXOCOMP EXOCOMP EXOCOMP EXOCOMP

AND THE EXOCOMP IS PAINTED LIKE THE EXOCOMP IS WEARING A LITTLE EXOCOMP-SIZED STARFLEET UNIFORM

EXOCOMP!!!!!

The slow burn and now the payoff of the Mariner-is-Freeman's-secret-daughter plot has been executed so well. I'm beyond impressed with this writer's room, y'all—they are threading a hell of a needle here

"Wolf 359 was an inside job" would have been a spit-take if I'd had anything in my mouth

...how many memos do you think Starfleet Command has had to issue asking people to stop calling the USS Sacramento "the Sac"?

CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW THEY'VE DECORATED THE SHUTTLECRAFT SEQUOIA THOUGH

Is, uh, is it weird if I'm starting to ship Tendi and Peanut Hamper a little? It is weird, isn't it. I knew it was weird...

Coital barbs??? I take back everything I said about wanting to know more about Shaxs/T'Ana.

The "good officer" version of Mariner is... kind of hot, tbh! But Tawny Newsome has done such a great job of building this character all season that her voice getting uncharacteristically clipped and martial and "sir! yes, sir!" is also deeply, deeply weird

Ah, so this is literally exactly like when TNG (and DS9) would bring in, and then blow up, a never-before-seen Galaxy-class ship, just to underscore that we're facing a real threat this week, baby. And hey, it fucking worked—my heart was in my throat, omg, for the reveal of the—

PAKLEDS?????????

The fucking PAKLEDS have been gluing weapons to their ships for the last 15 years. GREAT.

(We interrupt the SHIP BEING SLICED INTO SCRAP for an interesting bit of world-building: on Earth, the traditional First Contact Day meal is salmon!)

"I need a dangerous, half-baked solution that breaks Starfleet codes and totally pisses me off! That's an order." I'm starting to think Captain Freeman might actually be overqualified for the Cerritos, y'all—she's REALLY awesome

OH SHIT IT'S BADGEY, this is a TERRIBLE IDEA

"How much contraband have you hidden on my ship?" "I don't know! A lot!"

Awwww, Boims!!!

AHAHAHAHAHAHA, FUCK THIS, PEANUT HAMPER OUT

BADGEY NOOOOO

AUGHHHHH WHAT THE CHRIST DID HE JUST—BUT—RUTHERFORD'S IMPLANT????

RUTHERFORD!!!!!!!!!!

SHAXS!!!!!!

F U C K ! ! ! ! !

ahaIOPugdfhagntpgjrq90e5mgu90qe5;oigoqgw4ouegrw5SP;IAEHURVa IT’S THE TITAN???????????

IT'S CAPTAIN WILLIAM T. RIKER ON THE MOTHERFUCKING TITAN??????????

i'm screaming I'M SCREAMINGGGGGG​TGGGTGQER;​LBHAOIBVNV;​OAPBIJNVagr;h;​oagruipuwtnaetbaetgq35ghqet

I'M SO GLAD THIS WASN'T SPOILED FOR ME WTF

I AM WEEPING LIKE A CHILD

...

(Just a brief 20-minute pause this time)

And oh wow, seeing Will and Deanna hits different after Picard too, in a few different ways, which I may even get into later now that my heartrate is back to normal, lmao

Oh, I am always here for some jokes at the expense of the Sovereign class. The Enterprise-E sucked. They should have built a new bigger model of the D and new Galaxy-class interiors for the TNG movies, and I will die on that hill

OKAY, FINE, YOU GOT ME, RUTHERFORD × TENDI WOULD BE ADORABLE AND THIS IS ACTUALLY A PRETTY GOOD SETUP FOR IT

Awwww, Shaxs though :( Congrats on the single most badass death in Star Trek history, dude. The Prophets would—well, the actual Prophets would probably be slightly confused about most of it, but Kira Nerys would be proud of you and I feel like that probably counts for more. RIP, Papa Bear

I am here all damn DAY for the Mariner–Riker parallels, ahahahahaha

Pausing it to record my prediction that Boimler's commitment to not caring about rank anymore is going to last 3... 2...

Yep.

Bradward, how DARE YOU.

"Those guys had a long road, getting from there to here." OH FOR THE LOVE OF—

What a brilliant way to resolve and renew the various character arcs and relationships moving into Season 2! The writers could easily have brought everything back to status quo—chaotic Mariner fighting with her mom and being a bad influence on Boimler, etc.—and done another 10 just like these, but I suspect that wouldn't have been ambitious enough for these writers. What a blast. I cannot wait for more.

Thanks for following along, friends! Stay tuned for my (similarly patchy and amateur) coverage of Discovery, starting next week!

[theres-a-goldensky]

BL Show Review Series - My Engineer and 2gether

I am new to BL series, having only discovered them thanks to being stuck at home in quarantine. However, I’ve now watched enough of them that I feel like I have a lot to say and nowhere to say it. So I decided to write some reviews, talk about some issues that I had, and mainly get all of these feelings out of me. 

Disclaimer that these are my own opinions, and I don’t know where the BL community as a whole stands on these shows. If I disliked a show you loved or visa versa, no disrespect is intended! 

First up, then, are My Engineer and 2gether

MASTERLIST OF BL SHOW REVIEWS

MY ENGINEER 

Rating: 4/10 (Revised score: 6/10)

Main Pairing

The premise of this show is silly, but I was willing to let that pass if it was cute enough. It wasn’t. Not for me, anyway. The main pairing was very lackluster, and their courtship started off weird, with freshman Duen inexplicably feeling obligated to care for the older Bohn. Duen accidentally punches Bohn, but that interaction spirals into Duen letting Bohn bully him into buying Bohn flowers every day for a month as recompense. 

You get it from Bohn’s perspective. He clearly is interested in Duen from the beginning, and this is his inept way of flirting. But Duen going along with it at first, when he dislikes Bohn, is baffling. I thought there must have been something I missed. Was it because Bohn was his senior? 

The parts I found most charming about their story involved them interacting with their younger siblings. In particular, Duen’s love of his little sister was genuinely heartwarming. There’s a date scene late in the series that is the highlight of their story for me.

There is a ridiculous, drawn out arc about which one of them is going to top, which I was super done with before it even started. It ends with the message that, hey, anyone can be a top or a bottom and it doesn’t matter, but man did the story take its time getting there. It left a bad taste in my mouth.

Side Pairings

There are three additional side pairings happening here, which was at least one too many. However, the relationship between King and Ram quickly became the best thing about the show for me. The two of them together are charming, particularly the patient way that King enjoys Ram’s oddities and works to find a way to communicate with him anyway. 

Ram, despite being a side character, is the most developed person in the show. We see a lot about his family life and his interests. He’s fiercely loyal to his friends but also very shy. Over the course of the show, you see him feel hurt and scared and angry and in love, and all without him saying much of anything at all. 

The next side pairing is Mek and Boss. They are best friends and Boss calls himself Mek’s wifey. Mek is in love with Boss, to the point where he has a shrine of him hidden away in his room. It’s very sweet, even though you’re left kind of wondering, uh...why? What has Boss done to earn Mek’s undying devotion? It’s unclear.

Bafflingly, the actor who plays Mek was not speaking Thai in this. All of his lines were dubbed over -- very, very poorly -- and you can see that the words he’s speaking don’t match the words he’s supposed to be saying. I have no idea why they cast this person, though he did well given the circumstances. He has a very soulful stare that worked to demonstrate his pining. Watching him decide to help Boss get a girlfriend just because he wanted him to be happy was tough. 

If I were to recommend this series, it would be to follow these two side stories. You may enjoy the Bohn/Duen romance, but I had a hard time getting attached to them or believing their chemistry.

The final pairing was between Frong and Dr. Thara. I have nothing to say about them, honestly. It could have been completely taken out and nothing would have been lost. The actors did what they could with the roles. Both were charming, both were very, very attractive, but that couldn’t save this side story for me.

The acting was just so-so, though special mention should probably go to the actors who portrayed Mek and Boss, since they spent the majority of their scenes acting with someone who was speaking an entirely different language. 

There was very little tension and almost no stakes in this series, except between King and Ram.  

(Update: 9/27/20

Time sometimes changes feelings on a series, and in the months since I wrote this review, I’ve come to look more favorably on this drama. My love for Ram and King has only grown, and I’ve come to tolerate Bohn and Duen’s story more than I had before. Some of the early parts are even cute, though the back half still bugs me.)

***

2GETHER THE SERIES Rating: 5/10

Main Pairing

Win and Bright, the actors who portray the main characters of Tine and Sarawat, are both just...startingly good looking. They’re tall and broad and handsome. Tine has the sweetest smile and Sarawat can sexy brood with the best of them. I think the natural charisma of both leads did a lot to paper over the cracks of a thin story where the characters made nonsensical choices just to drive forward the plot. 

This is a fake dating story, which should be my JAM, ok? Straight boy freshman Tine wants to curb the attentions of Green, a gay man who is pursuing him. He decides to ask Sarawat, the campus dreamboat, to pretend date him so that Green will back off. It all makes sense so far, in terms of how these convoluted romantic comedy set-ups go. Sarawat refuses, and Tine starts up a charm offensive to get him to agree. Still makes sense. But then, once Sarawat commits to this plan, scene after scene goes like this: 

Tine: Sarawat, here comes Green! Pretend to be my boyfriend! Sarawat: [pretends to be his boyfriend] Tine: Oh no, what are you doing? People are going to think we’re dating!

Like, bro, he is doing what you have explicitly asked him to do! Often just moments before! What is HAPPENING? I get that this is supposed to be Tine feeling confused about his burgeoning feelings for Sarawat, but then show that by Tine being nervous or embarrassed. Having him lash out at Sarawat made no sense and got more frustrating as the series went on.

And look, I’m just going to say it: Win and Bright seem like they didn’t want to touch each other. They have major bro chemistry, but zero romantic chemistry. It got to the point, in the last few episodes, where I thought there was a translation error and I was misunderstanding the status of their relationship. By the tail-end of the series, former playboy Tine still looks a cross between confused and horrified whenever Sarawat tries to touch him. We never once see Tine happily kiss Sarawat. I don’t understand the choices that were made by the actor, director, and writers here. 

Every problem that occurs between Tine and Sarawat could be solved with a few clarifying words, but instead they get dragged on for the sake of drama. 

Furthermore, I know that BLs are fond of the “I’m not gay, I just like you” trope, but for the first 11 episodes of this show, Sarawat is coded as gay. Not bi. Not straight-except-for-you. Gay. He has a literal harem of women surrounding him at all times, showering him with gifts and attention, and doesn’t once appear interested. When his mother asks him when he’s going to get a girlfriend, the look that both he and his brother give her clearly reads, “Are you fucking kidding?” 

And yet, in episode 12, we are supposed to believe that his first and only other great love was a woman. It’s the way the book was written, I get it, but it rang false for me. 

Side Pairings

There were two side pairings. All four of the actors involved are BL vets who performed their duties well. 

Man and Type are interesting, but their story gets pushed to the side until the end of the series. However, while Tine and Sarawat’s story was floundering in the latter episodes, I was more than happy to watch this develop. Mike, who plays Man, has become one of my favorite supporting actors in these shows. He’s workman-like, bringing natural charm to his performances and always getting the job done. Seeing Man try to win Type over was fun even while it barely toed the line between sweet and creepy.

Mil and Phukong though? I was not here for any of it. Mil was a jerk and Phukong was a doormat. The way they ended the series was insulting to Phukong. I’d say he deserved better, but his insistence on going after Mil even though Mil was a genuine asshole to both him and his brother did his character no favors. The show wanted Mil to be redeemed by the end, but no thanks, I’ll pass. Phukong may not have deserved better, but Drake and Frank definitely did. I hated it.

Like I said, the actors are so likable and gorgeous, and the fake dating trope is such a classic, that I really wanted to like this one. The first few episodes were sweet and had potential, but the awkwardness between them that I assumed would go away by the end never did. 

MASTERLIST OF BL SHOW REVIEWS

(Send me an ask if you have a show you’d like me to review - with the understanding that I will be completely honest - or if there’s anything you think I forgot or got wrong in this review.)

[michelles-garden-of-evil]

Episode 33 Review: The Gentle Zombie

{ Not available on YouTube }

{ Synopses: Debby Graham | Bryan Gruszka }

{ Screencaps }

And now, following our over-4,000-word-long sojourn into the eerie, isolated estate of San Rafael on Tuesday, we at last return to the even eerier and even more isolated locale of Maljardin, THE DEVIL JACQUES ELOI DES MONDES’ Garden of Evil! *sting*

Once again, Colin Fox has the day off to recover from his spinal injury the year before, meaning we get another Foxless episode. Unlike some of the previous Foxless episodes, however, this one is a real treat. We get the first centered around the mysterious Quito, Jean Paul Desmond’s silent manservant, Raxl’s closest companion, and owner of the adorable Chalcko, mascot of this blog. We also finally get payoff for my least favorite Maljardin-era subplot, the saga of the Holly portrait--which, if you ask me, is long overdue--and it’s good.

The Lost Episode summary for this episode indicates that it was always intended to focus on Quito. As usual, the Cleveland Plain Dealer provides the most detailed and best summary (and I am not at all biased, despite living in Cleveland):

Source: Cleveland Plain Dealer (October 24, 1969). The “Repeat” part is a misprint, as the episode only aired once on WKBF.

Interestingly, we already saw Quito give Holly the gift of a sparkling stone three episodes ago in the aired version of Episode 30. For whatever reason, the executives and/or Ian Martin himself decided to have this event occur earlier in the series’ timeline, possibly with its original importance to the overarching story decreased. The second sentence of this summary, however, remains accurate, as you will find in this review.

Quito kissing the cryonics capsule.

The episode begins with Quito visiting Erica Desmond's capsule and bringing more flowers for her. Both the way he kisses the capsule and the fact that Jean Paul doesn’t make him give Erica flowers show that he, like Raxl, truly loves her.

After leaving the crypt, he visits the Great Hall following a painting/bickering/recap scene between Tim and Holly, to stare at the portrait of Erica--or, rather, the roughest possible approximation of her appearance, because Jean Paul has done everything in his power to make Tim’s project as difficult and frustrating as possible for him (see also my post on Episode 24). A drum pounds for suspense, he turns to face the portrait, and, just as he reaches out to touch it,

HE COLLAPSES!

Fortunately, Alison and Dan come in from outside at just the right moment for her to check his pulse. She believes him dead at first because he has no heartbeat, but then hears him breathing despite him continuing to have no pulse. She concludes, much to pragmatic lawyer Dan’s shock, that Quito must be a zombie as he once said (this is another instance where I can’t recall which episode, unfortunately).

This is what the Holly portrait looks like now, by the way.

A close-up of the face. Still looks approximately halfway between Holly’s face and Erica’s in Tim’s original sketch of her.

They leave Holly and Tim alone with Quito while they go to the lab (in Alison’s case) and the crypt to search for the missing cyanide (in Dan’s), when they hear Holly scream! Dan, who was so close to making friends with Chalcko, bolts upstairs to find the mysterious servant previously thought to be dead (un-undead?) has once again come alive. He starts to pursue Holly, but Alison stops him, so he turns around and tears the cover off the Holly portrait. “Is it Holly, or my sister Erica?” she asks herself out loud. “I can’t tell!”

The rest of this scene suggests that perhaps Quito, too, can’t tell, or at least sees too much of Erica in Holly to ignore. Most likely, that’s why he’s drawn to her and waits on her as though he were her servant as well as that of Jean Paul and Erica. Dan attributes Quito’s fainting to the shock of seeing a portrait that so captures Erica’s likeness that the uncanny resemblance between her and Holly frightens him.

Two and a half months ago, Curt of the Maljardin Blog wrote that the production crew did not cast an actress to play Erica at the beginning of the show, as evidenced by their use of crew member Lara Cochrane to play Erica’s corpse in Episodes 1 and 4. But now I wonder, what if Ian Martin originally intended for Sylvia Feigel to play Erica as well as Holly, given his frequent mention of their alleged resemblance? It seems like an odd decision, especially because I believe that Sylvia was originally destined for a dual role as both Holly and the blonde girl whom Tarasca sacrificed in her nightmare. But, if Sylvia Feigel was supposed to portray the living Erica, would that mean that Erica’s past incarnation was not Jacques’ wife Huaco, but the sacrificed girl? It wouldn’t make sense for Erica’s past counterpart to be her instead of Huaco, unless he decided to also give Sylvia her role, which would have made her Huaco’s third actress. But this is all extremely unlikely, especially because such a quadruple role seems like far too much for a single arc of a live-action series. Even Dark Shadows didn’t make its actors play four roles in the same arc.

All right. Enough of a theory that I myself don’t completely believe, even if it is possible (if improbable) that Ian Martin intended it. Matt-- who, naturally, hurried down the steps when he heard his stalkee screaming--thinks that the reason why Quito fainted upon touching the portrait was because he "sees something of Erica Desmond in [Holly]." I believe there’s more to it than that, though. There must be something supernatural going on that made him faint, something like Erica’s ghost exerting her power over him. But they never did explain this bit, so--like most of this show--it’s up to interpretation.

Tim: “Quito, I thought you were dead!”

Quito touches the portrait and then his heart. “Only Raxl can tell what he’s trying to tell us,” Matt claims, but Alison, too, understands the message. Quito, whom Dan calls “a soulless man,” loves Holly.

This horrifies Holly even more than Matt’s affections. She shouts “NO!” and Quito retreats to the crypt. She throws a fit, disgusted by the thought of “a monster who lunges at people” wanting a romance with her, and even accuses him of pushing her down the staircase, even though Quito was in the temple at the time.

For the Serpent’s sake, Reverend Stalker, leave her alone! The last thing she needs is your “comfort” when we know that what you really want is to get in her pants!

Holly: “Drag, drag, drag, the Reverend Matthew Drag!”

I’m dying of laughter at this terrible line.

Dan suggests that, if Jean Paul can’t bring Erica back to life, he may decide to replace her with Holly. We know that Jean Paul would never do that, but that his ancestor Jacques almost certainly would--at least once he got bored with his lovely witch Elizabeth/Tarasca. (I’m still not convinced, though, that he doesn’t want to make her sacrifice Holly, either just for fun or so that she--and, after their marriage, he--can get her fortune.)

Tim begs to differ about the painting’s resemblance to Erica, once again lampshading the absurdity of the whole situation. You have an artist painting a portrait of a dead woman, using a living one as his model who may or may not resemble the show’s current image of Erica Desmond. He took on this commission to save his life, but, now that he is on Maljardin, he’s in more danger than he ever was while the Mafia was pursuing him. And now a zombie passes out, and the other characters blame it on Erica’s likeness to Holly, which Tim must know is a completely ridiculous explanation. I’m telling you, someone’s spirit--either Erica’s or Jacques’--made him collapse. And if it was the latter, most likely Jacques intended to kill him a second time.

Quito in the crypt.

I want to shift focus now to the subject of zombies and their portrayal on SP, as well as what we know of Quito’s past. This section will contain references to slavery and suicide, so, if those subjects trigger you, you may wish to skip ahead to the next section, beginning with another copy of the photo of Quito looking into Chalcko’s birdcage.

Before I got into SP, I was long predisposed to dislike zombies because of the clichéd way that most horror movies and shows depict them: namely, as mindless creatures focused solely on eating human brains. Hordes of walking corpses who go on living only to consume and destroy are a useful metaphor for the effects of things like consumerism and social media addiction, but they don’t make for interesting characters; in fact, they make for rather dull ones, in my (highly unpopular) opinion.

But Quito was shown from early on to be a very different kind of zombie, almost the opposite of the Dawn of the Dead type. We see hints as early as Episode 12 that he has thoughts and feelings and now we have confirmation that he even has the capacity for love. He appears mindless, soulless, and unfeeling to some other characters, but those who know him well like Raxl and Jean Paul know that, despite his silence and his undead state, he has a mind, a personality, and even a heart. It doesn’t hurt that Kurt Schiegl gives Quito a great deal of expression and personality through his body language; we may not know exactly what thoughts are going through Quito’s mind, but we can get an idea. (And he never once expresses an interest in eating brains, which is another plus.)

The reason why Quito is so different from most modern portrayals of zombies is because he is based on an earlier conception of who zombies are and how they are created. In the traditional beliefs of Haitian Vodou, a zombie is created when a Vodou sorcerer or bokor resurrects a corpse to serve as his personal slave. While there are many theories as to when these legends originated, the most likely theory (which Mike Mariani argues in The Atlantic) is that they began during the period of French colonialism. During this period, which stretched from 1625 to the Haitian Revolution at the turn of the 19th century, most of the population of the island of Hispaniola (then known as Sainte-Domingue) was enslaved on sugar plantations, which required back-breaking, often deadly labor. This, combined with the other indignities of slavery, drove many enslaved Africans living there to commit suicide in an effort to return to their home countries. The idea that those who ended their own lives would be stuck on Sainte-Domingue eternally as zombies came about as a way or Haitians to discourage suicide. “Death was better than slavery for many – the suicide rate among Haitian slaves was very high. It was bad to be a slave,” Amy Wilentz writes in her review of the Vice documentary I Walked with a Zombie. “Worse would be to die and discover that, rather than returning to Africa, you continued to be enslaved as a dead person, run by a master, doing his bidding – and this is the fear that created the ‘Americo-normative’ zombie, as we know him.”

According to Mariani’s article, zombies did not become associated with bokors until after Haiti won its independence and subsequently abolished the institution of slavery. He calls this “the post-colonialism zombie, the emblem of a nation haunted by the legacy of slavery and ever wary of its reinstitution...The zombies of the Haitian Voodoo religion were a more fractured representation of the anxieties of slavery, mixed as they were with occult trappings of sorcerers and necromancy.” Wilentz associates this with “the fear of re-enslavement,” for “no one wanted to be dead, consciousness-less, and working for free for a master,” especially in a country that had fought so hard to rid itself of its shackles.

The show canon for Strange Paradise has not given--and will not give--much information about Quito’s backstory. What we do know is that he is a native of somewhere near Maljardin, descended from an indigenous Central American culture related to the Aztecs, and that was alive during the same period as Raxl. He was Jacques’ “servant” (more likely a slave) in the 17th century and, at some point before Jacques’ death, became a zombie. We also know from his reaction to the Conjure Man’s name in Episode 13 that the Conjure Man did something to him at some point that traumatized him, which may or may not have included the spell.

The Paperback Library novel Island of Evil, however, gets far more detailed about Quito’s backstory and shows his transformation into one of the undead. In the novel, Jacques forces Raxl to relive a particularly painful memory from the 17th century in order to coerce her into doing his bidding in the then-present. In her memory, Raxl visits the pregnant and bedridden Huaco des Mondes during a dinner party, although Jacques has forbidden them from meeting with each other. When he catches her returning from Huaco’s room, Jacques gets revenge on Raxl by stabbing Quito (who is her husband in the books) and then forces an African Vodou priest whom he recently purchased to resurrect him for his guests’ entertainment.[1] It’s worth noting that, like the zombies of Haitian folklore, the Vodou priest tells Raxl not to allow Quito to consume salt: “Should he eat either [salt or meat],” he says, “he will know he is a dead man.”[2] Thus the book canon connects Quito both to the horrors of slavery in the colonial-era Caribbean and to early zombie folklore, before zombies became the brain-eating monsters they are usually portrayed as today.

Quito checking on his adorable bird. Curt recently mentioned the possible connection between Chalcko, Huaco (Jacques’ “pigeon”), and Erica (Raxl’s “little bird”) in a post on his Tumblr, which was a piece of possible symbolism that had never occurred to me until then.

Dan reveals to Matt that Jean Paul has a Stanford-Binet IQ of 187. I’m noting this only because I’ve referenced it before in regards to Jean Paul’s alleged intelligence juxtaposed with his tendency to make stupid decisions. He may have an IQ of 187, but that only applies to his book smarts, not to common sense decisions like the knowledge that you should never make a deal with the Devil unless you are absolutely certain that the Devil won’t screw you over, or that you can defeat him through loopholes or some other, similar means. Even the smartest people--even those with an IQ of 187--can be manipulated, and that is true of Jean Paul, whom THE DEVIL JACQUES ELOI DES MONDES has successfully outsmarted. I wonder if he even suspects that Jacques has no intention on bringing Erica back to life, as he revealed fourteen episodes ago?

Holly talking to the cryonics capsule.

At the end of the episode, Holly visits the crypt to talk to Erica’s capsule. “ Mrs. Desmond,” she says, her hands on the capsule, “I want to say something to you. I don't know if you can hear or not, but I'm so afraid. I’m afraid of Quito, I’m afraid of my mother, and also of the Reverend. Mrs. Desmond, I’m so afraid somebody wants to kill me. But not your husband. I love him the way I love my father, but I'm so lost and so alone. Please help me...I want to know what it was that Quito and they saw in the picture.” 

Quito catches her talking to the capsule and approaches her, his arms outstretched. “No, please!” Holly pleads, finally screaming and running from him, leaving the zombie with a heart alone in the crypt.

Upstairs, Holly calls for everyone to “see what you’ve done,” and the camera cuts to the portrait, which now bears a slash across the middle:

The end of the ill-fated saga of the Holly portrait.

“There is your spirit of love,” she cries, “or is it hate?” Alison, Matt, Dan, and Tim stare on, shocked and appalled by the slashed portrait and forever unaware of the identity of the culprit. The episode implies that the responsible party is Jacques Eloi des Mondes by showing a shot of his portrait glowing shortly before this scene, but this episode’s trivia on StrangeParadise.net indicates someone else. As with the trivia for Episode 30, it has to do with plot points that ultimately remained unexplained on the show, but nevertheless contains spoilers for the true nature of one character, so read at your own risk.

The first time since the pilot that Jacques’ portrait has glowed.

Coming up next: The characters react to the slashing of the portrait and we learn a telling bit of backstory about Elizabeth Marshall.

{ <- Previous: Episode 32   ||   Next: Episode 34 -> }

Notes

[1] Dorothy Daniels, Island of Evil (New York: Paperback Library, 1970), pp. 92-99. I will cover this book and the other two Paperback Library novels in more detail in a future series of posts.

[2] Ibid., p. 100.

[writingwitchly]

A matter of… toe?

Can I ask for a oneshot with Sirius with the convo: B: You got a new lip balm? A: Yeah. It smells like strawberries too! Want to smell? B: Sure! *walks closer to kiss her/him* A: *just as B is few inches away* *pulls out the balm in front, making it cover B's nose* Please!! Love you😘 ~ @miss-nerd0905

Pairing: Sirius Black x reader

Word count: 4,1k 

AU: Where the biggest concern sare late Xmas shopping and love. So no war, but still wizards. 

A/N: I will not rant about my writing bc it’s Xmas… Vase Darling, I hope you like it!! I wanted this to be vv Christmassy for you!! tbh, I didn’t fully stick to the prompt (this might be veryyy different from what you expected), but the lip balm’s there lol. Have a jolly holiday!

***

Like every December 23rd, you type Lily’s number on the phone, and hum a jolly tune as the dial tone echoes in your ear.

Ever since you’ve moved on your own in London, going late Christmas shopping with your best friend has become a tradition. Together, you go from shop to shop, searching even the most unknown and hidden ones, to get the most perfect gifts for your friends. And, modestly, you nail every single one, to the point where everyone in your circle of Christmas guests call you the “jingle bell rocking team.”

You let your eyes wander on the gray sky outside through the window, and make a mental note of bringing your scarf along, right as a click announces that someone has picked up the call.

“Hello?”

You were going to scream at your friend in excitement to hurry up, but something in the voice that answered makes it… not hers. It’s deep and raucous.

“Lily?”

A crack, then a pause. Some air faintly blows in the mike, and you perceive that the phone must be moving.

“Y/N?” Now, you do recognize Lily’s voice. Although it still sounds off. And nasal.

“Lily!”

“Y/N…” A cough echoes in the background, so the owner of the other voice must still be in proximity.

“Um… Are you okay?” You risk the stupid question, dreading the obvious answer.

“Well,” She tries to laugh, but her lungs seem to resist the act. “Not really. I… James managed to pass me his flu, this year. But don’t worry, I’ll wear some additional coat and we’ll still go, I’ll be there in-”

Her boyfriend protests in the back, but is stopped by another wave of coughing.

An “oh” escapes your throat, longer than you wanted it. “It wouldn’t be wise to go shopping, if you’re in that state, Lils.” For a moment, she seems to hesitate, so you add, “We want to have you guys whole and in perfect shape for the Christmas Eve party.”

You hope your regret isn’t too evident in your tone.

“James wants to make it alive until then, he’s planned a little fly dressed all in red and whi-”

The raucous voice resounds in the background, clearly irritated, and Lily laughs again, “Seems like I’ve ruined the surprise. Don’t tell anyone,” She giggles again. “Um- Sorry to leave you alone on that.”

“Uh?” Imagining James flying, dressed as Santa Claus, has made you forget anything else for a couple of seconds. “Oh, you mean the shopping. Don’t worry,” You’re not sure the last two words sounded very convincing, but you still continue, “I’ll ask someone else to come. Maybe Dorcas.”

“Er- Her and Mary have choir rehearsal for the fundraising,” Lily reminds you.

The sky outside seems to become a little darker.

“Shoot. Remus then.”

“You know that today-”

“He works until late. And Marlene’s at her family’s until tomorrow.” You bite your lip, “Peter?”

“Is it grocery shopping you plan to do?”

Peter and his love for Christmas sweets… He’d stop you at every corner to get a new type of candy.

“Kingsley?”

But you erase that possibility on your own: he isn’t one to walk the whole day around looking for funny socks or the perfect make up set.

You sight in exasperation. This is why it’s always Lily and you who take care of the holiday shopping.

Half as a joke, half out of desperation, you suggest, “Dumbledore?”

There is a loud snort -- which sounded more like a snore -- surely from James, and then Lily mutters something that you can’t hear.

“Lily?”

Shuffling in the background.

“I- James says- He says that you should probably ask Sirius to come.”

“Sirius?” you repeat, not convinced to have heard right. You hope you haven’t.

You’re not 100% sure, but you heard James repeat his mate’s name at the same time as you, and in the exact same surprised tone.

After a second, the man’s laughter is muffled by Lily’s hand on the mike. She tells him something, and he answers back between two sneezes, but you can’t understand anything except for ‘-toe.’

“Toe?”

Lily’s voice comes back, “What?”

“Nothing,” you mutter, this time convinced that you have heard wrong. “So, you guys say, Sirius?”

No, no, no.

“Well, yeah. Usually, he can’t go because he takes care of James’ seasonal flu, but now I can do that…”

“Mmmm…”

“Call him, Y/N, he’s your last hope. I’ll manage to take care of my boyfriend and resist the urge to hex him.”

“Are you sure that Sirius is the right guy to give advice on Muggle shopping?”

And that I won’t make a fool of myself around him?

“I- Uh…” Lily stutters, and pauses a second to hear what James has to say. “Well, if you say so, Potter.” She focuses back on you, “James is positive about it, Y/N,” Which one? The shopping thing, or the fool thing? You’d like to be sure about the latter. “And- I left some soup on the stove,  so- we don’t want the house burning down, do we. Gotta go!”

Is it you, or does her voice sound much healthier than before? “Wait, Lily-!”

“We’ll see you guys tomorrow!”

Before she hangs up, James’ voice reaches you, but very confusedly.

Again, did he say toe?

***

Getting Sirius to come shopping with you was easier than you thought. A call, and he apparated on the front step before you had a chance to put your boots on. Even keeping your composure in his presence is revealing itself quite easy, despite the fact that you’re alone with him for the first occasion in a very long time.

The tough stuff is making him follow you through Muggle London without losing him in the crowd.

“What about that?” you ask, eyeing a novel with a bright blue cover. It reads ‘In Love With an Idiot’, and Lily would absolutely wheeze only at the title. “Do you think that James would be offe- Sirius?” You shoot a glance behind your shoulder, only to discover that the man has disappeared again. “Oh, for Merlin’s sake.”

Struggling to hold the multiple packs under your arms, you move to the side of the pedestrian street, and climb on a bench, under the glare of an old lady. Feeling dizzy because of the bright passing scarves and hats, you lose one good minute in finding the mane of black locks that towers above the surrounding passerbys.

Completely obvious of the world around him, the boy’s observing the vitrine of a toy shop, whose sign’s colorful light reflects on his recently shaved cheeks.

“Sirius!” Your cry of frustration scares the glaring old lady away, but at least it’s successful in making your friend come back to reality.

Smirking, Sirius makes his way back to you, pushing people aside with the dozens of bags he carries, and attracting himself many dark looks.

“Afraid I’d leave you, Y/N?”

“No,” you sigh, wondering at what age Sirius has stopped growing up mentally, “Afraid to lose half of the gifts. What were you looking at?”

“Crazy how the Muggles manage to make things move without magic. There was a small train riding on its own!” His grin widens, and you have to tilt your head up to have a good sight of his childish expression.

Godric, he’s so tall. And so handsome.

Shut up, Y/N.

“But it looked quite unrealistic,” he continues, unaware of your internal dialogue, “There was no smoke.”

“It’s normal,” you say, “It works with batteries, a clever way of producing energy without-”

But Sirius craning his neck in direction of another shop stops you mid-sentence. It won’t be long until he goes off your sight again.

Merlin, he’s worse than Peter.

“No, Black, no such thing again. We’re almost done, I don’t plan on spending the night here.”

To prevent him from going away again, and prevent the lost of the dozen of bags he carries, you link an arm with his. And immediately feel your cheeks lighting up.

Thankfully, he looks away. And you badly hope it’s not because he saw you blushing.

“Nice weather,” he mutters, right as you say, “It’s freezing cold.”

Had it happened earlier, you would have laughed and argued, but now a strange tension seems to have fallen on the two of you.

“So er- those… baggeries,” he says hesitantly. “Do Muggles use them only for tiny trains or-”

You smile shyly, relieved by his clumsy attempt at building a conversation, but suddenly find yourself unable to explain anything about bagge- batteries. So you just correct his pronunciation and laugh the question away.

Something in the way Sirius looks and behaves has changed since your Hogwarts years. He is much more mature, and much less of a troublemaker. He hasn’t lost his mischievous sparkle, of course -- not even after death will he --, but he uses it more consciously.

The last time you two have been alone together before today was… three years and a half ago?

During the graduation party, you had found yourself sitting alongside the dance floor, immersed in nostalgic flashes of your school years, when Sirius had come to ask you for a dance. He saw it as only another moment of fun, but something clicked in your head when he grabbed you by the waist.

You saw memories of how you had started liking him in first year, how his sarcastic remarks were actually something you looked forward to get angry at everyday, how his lousy humor and deep sense of loyalty were his most attracting traits, how his hair falling on his eyes made you daydream.

You also saw the fact that you were about to step in the adults’ world, and maybe part ways.

So, drunk in melancholy and honeywine, you were about to tell him what you had hid for seven years in a row.

But, right at that moment, a group of girls passed by, eyeing him shamelessly and giggling like three-years-olds. It was already hard to swallow the fact that you were infatuated with the most popular guy in a range of ten kilometers, but when he asked you, in the middle of the song, if you’d mind if he invited one of them to dance, you lost your breath.

“Of course not,” you answered, surprising yourself at how easy the lie had come out of your mouth.

He had paused, looked at you for a second, and left you alone in the middle of the room to join the group of girls.

At that moment, lost in your feelings, you had seen through his: you were nothing more than a friend to him.

Some heavy darkness had engulfed you, and that had been the last time you’d accepted to be alone with him. Until today.

You have spent three years muffling your heart’s complaints under tons of good will, in the name of your friendship, and in respect for his opinion.

Caught in the worry of not being able to buy your friends their gifts, you did not think twice about it, earlier, but now…

It seems dangerous to walk next to him.

Around you, the street is getting busier of other people who, like you, have opted for a last-minute gift-search. Fake Santas shake their bells, making teens giggle, and women with babies look in adoration at them. A couple of parents hold their children by the hand, dragging them toward a house shop, while the kids clearly feel like stopping in front of a cozy bar. There is a Frank Sinatra song playing somewhere near the place at the end of the way, and the crispy notes of his deep voice fill every corner of the jolly atmosphere.

A draught of winter air caresses your face, making you shiver.

“About time to go, don’t you think?” you suggests, tightening the scarf around your neck.

“Well- De we have everything we need?” Sirius hesitates, so you start recounting the bags,

“We’ve got Marlene’s sweater, Alice’s scented candles, Kingsley’s sock set-”

“A complete,” Sirius interrupts you “collection of Queen’s best hits for James - that sucker better repay me later, this costed like one of my eyes - a maxi sized pot of skittles for Dumbledore, a horrible pair of socks for Frank, and some catnip for Minnie. Remus’-”

“Catnip?” you raise an eyebrow. “Oh please, don’t tell me you’ve-”

“No, I haven’t left the tea behind, we have that too. I just thought it’d be nice to add some catnip,” he finishes, with a big grin stamped across his face, and you roll your eyes.

“I checked everything on the  list that Lily and I have made, so we have everything. I think we can stop.”

“Are you sure?” Sirius asks, and you think you discern some deception in his words. Is it really possible that-

But your running imagination must be tricking you.

“Quite sure, I-” You slap a hand on your forehead, attracting a curious look from a seven-years-old passing by.  “I was forgetting, as always!” you claim, “We’re not done yet.”

Sirius eyes you, and you see a reflection of the little boy’s expression on his face. And maybe a brighter twinkle in his stare.

“We were forgetting about our own gifts,” you explain, to which he breaks into a snort.

“What’s the plan, then? We choose our gift, and we’ll act as if it’s a surprise on Eve’s dinner?” he asks.

You shake your head. “You choose something for me, I’ll pick something for you. No right to show the other, so-” You realize what you’re going to say, and regret it a bit. “So- It’s better if we part ways now, anyway. I have- I have to meet Mary and Dorcas for a trip to the library,” you say, raising your stare from the floor to look at him straight in the eyes.

Sirius’ lips purse in a thin line, and he nods in understanding.

You slow your pace down, and come to a halt. After a second of uncomfortable pause, you unlink your arm from his, and, for a moment, you face each other, unsure of how to say goodbye.

“See you tomorrow, then,” Sirius half-heartedly says.

“Yeah,” you respond.

The crazy thought of a hug crosses your mind, but you turn on your heels before giving in to the temptation. 

You’re already a good fifteen meters away, when his voice flies to you, “It was a nice shopping session, Y/N! Thank you!”

You swing around, and smile before the crowd swallows him.

***

“You tricked me.”

Zipping her golden top, Lily doesn’t deign you of a look. “I don’t see what you’re talking about, darling.”

“Spare me your terrible lying capacity, Lily. Just- Let’s set aside the fact that you’ve broken our tradition, and that I felt treasoned, but-” You run a hand on your face, looking for proper words to make you sound less lame than what you are. “You know that it’s hard for me to be in the same room as him, and you made it more awkward by setting this up.”

“I didn’t s-”

“Oh come on!” you cry, frustrated. “He was ready when I called! And you do sound like you healed very quickly.”

The decorations on the walls and the snow falling outside make Lily and James’ living room look like a gigantic snowball.

“I- Ok, I’m not as sick as I was yesterday morning, but… I th-”

“You have no right to play the matchmaker, Lily... You know very well how much I struggled to make the pain go away!”

“The both of your are so much more mature recently.”

“So? I can’t make him fancy me, if he doesn’t want to! No matter if he gets as mature as Remus.”

“You’re so stubborn, Y/N! If you don’t try, you’ll never get anything!”

From the doorframe, James chuckles, “Take me as an example: I managed to date my fierce redhead after seven years of-”

“James!” you both scream, and the man raises his hands in defence, going back to drinking his medicinal tea. He can barely stand up, wrapped in the tons of coverts that are supposed to protect his fragile health from yet another cold, but he wouldn’t miss your discussion if he got paid for it: you get better than his favorite telenovellas, when you’re in that mood.

“If you ever tell him any of this-” you look at him, menacing.

With his mouth full of the infusion, James mimics somebody promising, and then walks out of the room, in look of a more peaceful environment. He does that every time he senses the storm going toward him.

“All I want is you to be happy, Y/N. I swear you need to be blind not to notice that Sirius likes you.”

“I’m- Please, don’t make it harder, Lily. I appreciate your encouragements, but I worked hard on making these feelings disappear, and-”

“We both know you still like him, Y/N. How many times will I have to tell you.” She rolls her eyes. “I am going to get you two together before this New Year, or I’ll rename myself Gertrudis. And you can’t change my mind.”

With nothing to answer to that, you sigh, only waiting for the moment when you’ll get to call your best friend Gertrudis.

***

“Nothing better than a sweet gathering with friends for Christmas,” Remus says as he pops the bottle of honeywine open. Behind him, the fire cracks in the chimney.

From across the living room, Frank, his arm around Alice’s shoulders, laughs, “You say that every year, Rems.”

Kingsley comes in the scarred boy’s defence, “It’s worth repeating, Longbottom. Anyway, I’d rather hear Remus say it a thousand more times than to have to listen to James’ drunk jokes at the end of the meal.”

The mentioned boy fakes a pout, and Sirius, who’s lying on the floor at his feet, plays with a red cap, that will be useless this year: Flying Santa Potter Show has been moved to next year, because of ‘health issues’, to Peter’s great regret.

“I wonder how you’re still sneezing enough to make that whole building fall down, James, while Lily’s wearing a mini skirt.” The bitterness in your voice can only be understood by James, and by his girlfriend. “From how she sounded on the phone yesterday, she was about to die.”

At those words, Lily gets out of the kitchen, followed by Dorcas, and shoots you a smile, “Onion soup does miracles on me,” she winks, and turns toward the man spread on the carpet, “Sirius, please be a sweetheart, and give Y/N a hand to bring the rest of the starters on the table.”

And here we go again.

Noticing your annoyed groan, Marlene slightly smiles.

“I hope the floor’s clean,” she murmurs to Lily, “Because I have that feeling that we’ll have to pick the starters up from the tiles. What did you do to piss her off?”

“Just wait,” the redhead whispers back, “And you’ll see.”

***

In the background, Celestina Warbeck threatens to drown you all in a cauldron full of hot love.

Sirius is handing you some plastic plates, on which you lay tiny canapes. The only reason that prevents you from dropping them on the floor in vengeance is their very appetizing look. And the fact that you’ve spent hours dressing them.

The soft buzzing of conversation coming from the living room warms your heart: having friends like yours is the highlight of your life. Ruining the mood by confronting romantical feelings to just friendship would be… awfully wrong.

“Any plans for New Year’s Eve, Y/N?”

“Uh?”

Sirius smiles at you from the other side of the table, a plate full of mini croissants in each hand. “Do you have plans for New Year’s Eve?”

You tilt your head. “Just- our usual gathering. Why?”

The man shrugs. “Maybe you wanted to do something different, I don’t know.” And he grins again. “You tell me, if you want some change, okay?”

“Sure.”

Perplex because of his strange request, you come back in the core room of the party a little distracted, sensing that something is weird.

You scan your friends’ faces, but don’t notice anything out of place, so give up  your strange presentment.

***

Soon, it’s time to unwrap.

As everyone discovers their gifts -- and shares drunk jokes, much to Kingsley’s dismay -- you step in a corner, holding a pink package in the palm of your hand. The ribbon itself is bigger than the box.

“What is it?” Sirius’ sudden presence behind your back makes you start.

“What do you mean, what is it?” From the corner of your eye, you notice Lily staring at you, and then whispering something in James’ ear. “Didn’t you buy it?”

The man scratches his neck. “I’m not the best at choosing Muggle gifts, let along for a girl. So I asked the salesgirl to give me the cutest item she had and-” He points to the half-unwrapped box in your hands. “I’m about to discover what it is at the same time as you.”

His breath on your neck makes your fingers tremble, but you rip the remnants of colorful paper off the present, and reveal a-

“Lip balm?” you ask, surprised.

Sirius only nods, with half a smile. “Looks like it.”

Carefully, you extract the round container from the wrapping, grinning at how cute it is, indeed. You delicately brush a finger on the surface, and press it to your lips.

“Mmm… It smells like strawberries!”

“Really?” Sirius casually steps closer to you.

“Uh- Want to smell?” you ask, trying to remain composed.

“Sure!”

You were about to pass him the container. You were about to. 

But, under your unbelieving stare, Sirius leans forward, until he’s only inches apart from your mouth, and closes his eyes.

A little lamp lights up in your head: that something that was wrong when you exited the kitchen, James’ repeated mention of a ‘toe’ during yesterday’s call… Right above your head, you see it.

It happens all so fast, that you can barely register your own movements.

***

“You what?”

Lily, shivering in her skirt, is gaping at you. She ran after you as soon as you left the apartment in a hurry, and managed to catch you right as you were exiting the building.

“I panicked” You cry, still shocked yourself, and starting to feel like the dumbest person ever, ever, ever.

Your best friend blinks very slowly. “You- Are you doing this to make me lose the bet? Because that’s the only explanation I will accept, Y/N!”

The scene repeats itself endlessly in your mind as the snowflakes sprinkle your hair. Sirius, centimeters away from your lips. The balm suddenly put in front of him, covering his nose. His surprised look. Your run away.

“I don’t know, I-”

“You don’t know?” Her eyes clearly say ‘I’m about to kill you if you don’t give me a good reason for leaving the perfect romantical scene out of the blue’.

“Listen! If I wasn’t sure that he now thinks I’m the most idiotic fool in this world, I’d run back upstairs and kiss him right where I left him!” you scream.

You hope that none of the neighbors had planned to go to bed early.

“Glad you would-” A voice comes from an open window, three floors above. A pair of large glasses is looking down at you, surrounded by all your friend’s faces.

“James! Fucking get inside, don’t make your flu even worse!” shouts Lily.

“- because,” her boyfriend ignores her, “I doubt he’d be happy to have ran down the stairs for nothing!”

Right as he finishes his sentence, the building’s door opens, and lets out a very confused Sirius. Quickly, Lily disappears inside.

The world stops spinning, and you lose the capacity to breathe. Your knees threaten to give up under the weight of the tension that installs itself on your shoulders.

Merlin, if I could die right on the spot.

“I’m sorry if I-” Sirius takes a step forward, but stops right away, and lowers his head. “It was stupid of me, I’m very sorry.”

Seemingly unable to distinguish between what happens in your head, and what you’re actually doing in this moment, you walk toward him.

“What do you mean, you’re sorry?” The temperature of your cheeks climbs up vertiginously, and it costs you an incredible effort to articulate. “I’m the one who ran away.”

And you’re standing in front of him, close enough to see the grey of his eyes reflecting the streetlamp light.

“I like you a lot, you know.” His soft whisper knocks the air out of you. “I think I’ve liked you since Hogwarts, but I was too busy being a jerk to notice it.”

Before the moment has a chance to vanish, like a dream, you reach for his lips with yours, standing on your tiptoes.

As Sirius wraps his arms around your waist and deepens the kiss, you can hear the dance of the snowflakes, chorusing with the beating of your hearts. Your breaths become the same mist, and your bodies tell the same story. The story of two young people in love.

Above your heads, a green branch has been fixed with some tape from a windowsill of the third floor, and is gently being hugged by the breeze.

“Look at those two,” Winter seems to whisper, “Finally kissing under the mistletoe.”

***

Permanent tag list: @miss-nerd0905 @funnymrspotter @daytodayfun @electraheart-isdead @laurenslines @rochelle-the-ravenclaw @wildfire-whizbangs @beaubcxton @reggieblck

Sirius tag list: @glitteryfreakslimeegg @janhvi11

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

S.T REWRITE - S1:E3; Chapter Three, Holly, Jolly - [Pt. 1]

A Will Byers x Reader Series

With the help of their new friend, Y/n, Mike, Dustin, and Lucas set out to search for Will. Joyce is convinced her missing son is trying to talk to her.

Warning: unedited

||3rd Person POV||

Barb woke with start, a foreign liquid spilling from her lips as she gasps for breath. Sitting up, she takes her dirty glasses off of her face, examining her surroundings.

"Hello?" She called, as she scrambled to her feet. "Nancy?" She called desperately, looking all around her for a sense of where she was.

  It was a strange, unnatural place. It almost looked like... the bottom of a drained, long forgotten pool. All around her where what looked to be vines made of mold, they scattered the walls and floor around her. It was cold, and dark. There seemed to be strange flakes floating through the air. Her breathing got heavier as panic began to take over her.

"Nancy!"

By now, panic has completely taken over, and she is desperate for anyone to hear her. "Hello?"

She hears a low growl causing her to turn around only to be faced with the same monster that she encountered at the pool. Barb screams, and quickly looks for a pool latter, she makes a run for it.

"Oh, my God..." She whimpered, scrambling to find anything on the concrete walls that would help her make her escape.

A shriek leaves her lungs as she runs her hands alone the walls, she stops when she feels the the flat surface of steps. She immediately begins climbing as fast as she can. When she reached the top of the pool she, grab a for the nearest object and grabs on to one of the hundreds of moldy vines to pull herself up, all the while calling for help.

She felt the the monster grip her feet and violently pull her back, she let out another blood curdling scream and quickly grabbed a hold of the metal bars on the pool's edge. She screams in terror as the monster tugs at her once more, she can't hold on much longer. The monster unleashes another terrifying growl.

"Nancy!" Barb shrieked one last time before she disappeared into the bottom of the pool.

× × ×

Nancy sits on the edge of Steve Harrington's bed, looking longing at his sleeping form. She looks back to the window and begins putting on the new change of clothes before looking back to Steve.

"Steve?" She called softly.

"Hey, Steve." She reached over and tapped his shoulder.

"Hmm."

"I'll... see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Mmm-hmm" he mumbled still half asleep.

Nancy sighed and got up from the bed, making her way back downstairs, and soon finding herself outside in the backyard. She reaches the poolside and stops in her tracks when she hears something in the distance, a sound she recognized to be the hot of an owl. However, she remains still for a few moments; something felt off to her, like something was wrong. She did her best to cast away the thought as she made her way home.

When she returned home, she snuck through the front door as quietly as possible, closing the door behind her. She made her way to the stairs when suddenly the lights in the hallway came on with a brief 'flick'. Nancy stopped in her tracks, heart pounding as she spotted her mother in the hallway, looking furious.

"Oh! Jesus, you scared me." She breathed.

"Oh, I scared you?"

"I know, I should have called." Nancy said, avoiding eye contact.

"Where have you been?" Cried her mother. Lowering her voice once more, she continued. "We agreed on 10:00."

"After the assembly, some people wanted to get something to eat. I didn't think it'd be a big deal."

"You didn't think to call and let me know? With everything that's been going on?"

"I didn't realize how late it was, okay? I'm sorry, mom. What more do you want?" Nancy began heading for the stairs once more, only to be stopped in her tracks by her mom who had taken notice of the new gray sweatshirt on her daughter.

"Hey, wait... Whose sweatshirt is that?"

Nancy froze, hesitating to answer.

"Steve's."

"Steve's. So is Steve your boyfriend now?" Karen Wheeler crossed her arms.

"What? No!" Despite Nancy's words, her tone was beginning to give her away. "It was just cold, so I borrowed his sweatshirt. It's not a big deal."

Nancy continued up the stairs, only to make it no further than the first landing when her mother called after her.

"Nancy?"

Nancy rolled her eyes and sighed turning to her worried mother, in an irritated tone. "What?"

Karen sighed, and pleaded to her daughter. "You can talk to me. You can talk to me. Whatever happened."

"Nothing happened." Nancy stressed, her eyes bored into her mother's.

"Nancy."

"Nothing happened. Can I please go." Her voice was barely above a whisper but it was firm. "Can I please go?"

Karen only blinked away the tears as her daughter stormed upstairs. Karen couldn't help but wonder where she went wrong.

× × ×

Jonathan wakes to sound of his mother's voice drifting down the hall.

"Will? Will?"

Jonathan isn't sure if he heard his mother right. He sits up frantically in bed, when he hears his mother's next words.

"Sweetheart, can you hear me? Will... Please... Will..."

Jonathan scrambles out of bed, yanking a stray t-shirt off if his bedside table.

"It's me.."

He followed the quiet pleas of his mother until he reached Will's room.

"It's me. Just talk to me. Talk to me."

Jonathan pushed open the door to find his mother at the end of Will's bed, rocking back and forth eyes closed. Lamps from all over the house were now scattered throughout the room. Joyce continued to mutter pleas under her breath.

"Just say..."

"Mom?" Jonathan croaked.

"Jonathan!" Her head whipped around to her son.

She stood, motioning for Jonathan to come closer. "Come here. Come here."

"Mom, what is this?" Jonathan was concerned for his mother's well being, and was hesitant to come in the room.

"Come here. Come here." Joyce sniffled.

Jonathan took a seat next to his mother as she took his hand in hers. Now that he was closer, he took note of the bags under her red eyes and the many tear stains on her cheeks.

"What's going on?" He asked.

"It's Will. It's Will, he's..." she gestures to the many lamps surrounding them, desperation in her eyes as she fidgets.

"-he's trying to talk to me." Her breathing is scattered, and her eyes dart back and forth.

"He's trying to talk to you?"

"Yes, through... through the lights."

"Mom--"

"I know. I know. Just... Just watch." She cut him off, eyes wide and her whole body was trembling.

"Will... your brother's here. Can you show him what you showed me, baby? Please..."

Jonathan and Joyce looked around at all the lamps when suddenly, a lamp with no shade that sat before Jonathan flickered, ever so slightly.

Joyce gasped, pointing to the lamp. "Did you see that?"

"It's the electricity, Mom." Jonathan pleaded. "It's acting up."

"No."

"It's the same thing that fried the phone."

"No! It is not the electricity, Jonathan. Something is going on here! Yesterday, the wall--"

"What? What about the wall?"

"I don't know. I don't know."

"Mom, first the lights, then the wall?"

"I just know that Will is here."

Jonathan's heart felt as if his heart wouldn't stop breaking. He fought back tears as he tried to calm his distraught mother.

"No, Mom."

Joyce started looking around again, muttering as she stood up, soon followed by Jonathan. "Maybe if I get more lamps--"

"No, Mom. You don't need more lamps. You need to stop this, okay?" Jonathan couldn't hold back the tears anymore as he held his frightened mother in his hands. "He is just lost. People are looking for him, and they're going to find him."

Joyce took a couple of deep breaths, looking around the room once more before taking a seat. "Okay."

"This isn't helping." Jonathan took a seat with his mother.

"Okay, okay. Okay, I'm sorry." She sniffled, rubbing her son's hand lovingly. "I'm sorry."

"Can you do me a favor, Mom? Can you just try and get some sleep?" Jonathan asked gently, rubbing soothing circles into his mother's back.

"Yeah." She sniffled once more, shaking her head.

"Huh? Can you do that for me?"

"I promise. I will."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I just need to sit here for a minute."

"All right, I'll go make breakfast."

"Okay."

"Yeah?" Jonathan let's out a soft sigh and stands up, making his way to the kitchen.

Joyce watches as Jonathan leaves the room, leaving her alone with the lamps once more. She takes another look around the room, quickly scanning the many lamps surrounding her before letting out a soft whisper as her heart falls.

"Will?"

||Reader's POV||

El sat on Mike's couch, fiddling with the supercomm while the boys and I had gathered around the D&D table.

"We just tell our parents we have AV Club after school. That'll give us at least a few hours for Operation Mirkwood." Mike states.

I nod my head in agreement. I never liked lying to my mom, but this was our best bet. If it will give us time to find Will, I'm all in. However, based on Lucas's nervous shifting, he isn't as sure.

"You seriously think that the wei- uh, El knows where Will is?" Lucas darts his eyes at me as he catches himself. I silently thank him.

"Just trust me on this, okay?" Mike pleads.

"He's right. Will would do the same for anyone of us." My words come out softer than anticipated and I look to Lucas, Mike then Dustin. I can tell they agree with me.

"Okay."

"Did you get the supplies?" Mike asks the three of us. I straighten up, ready to present what I brought to the table. Lucas perks up and reaches down into his backpack and begins listing off the things he brought.

"Yeah. Binoculars... from 'Nam. Army knife... also from 'Nam. Hammer, camouflage bandana, and the wrist rocket." He pulls out the yellow wrist rocket excitedly, and I chuckle to myself, impressed.

"You're gonna take out the Demogorgon with a slingshot?" Dustin asked, unimpressed.

I scoff and look at my brother, knowing well enough it was better than what he brought.

"Well what were you planning on doing, throwing a Nutty Bar at it?" I ask with a hint of humor in my tone. Lucas however, takes offence to Dustin's words.

"First of all, it's a wrist rocket. And second of all, the Demogorgon's not real." I look down at my shoes. "It's made up. But if there is something out there, I'm gonna shoot it in the eye..." he pulls back the empty sling and lets it loose, nearly hitting Dustin in the face. "-and blind it."

I have to say, I've got to agree with Lucas's logic here, then again, we never thought that anyone could move things with their mind and look what El did. I am pulled from my thoughts when I hear Mike sigh.

"[Y/n]?" He looked to me hopefully.

"Well, with all things considered, I figured at one point or another we would end up needing this." I pulled the makeshift first aid kit from my back pack. A handful of ace bandage wraps, gauze, ointment. Some band-aides, and even a small pair of tweezers.

I smile proudly and look to Mike who nods his head in approval. "Good idea. We don't know for sure what we are up against."

"Dustin, what did you get?"

Dustin perks up and empties the contents of his bag out onto the table.

"Well, alrighty." I look to my friends to try and gouge their reactions. "So, we've got..."

Dustin begins naming off all the snacks he brought as Mike and Lucas stare at him with a confused glance.

"-Nutty Bars, Bazooka, Pez, Smarties, Pringles, Nilla Wafers, apple, banana and trail mix." He finishes off with a proud smile, and I can't help but feel bad for him. I mean, I see where he's coming from. It's smart to have snacks in case, but I also feel like it might be a last resort type of thing.

"Seriously?"

"We need energy for our travels. For stamina. And besides, why do we even need weapons anyway? We have her."

"She shut one door!"

"With her mind! Are you kidding me? That's insane! Imagine all the other cool stuff she could do. Like..." His face lights up and he runs over to the plastic  Millennium Falcon and picks it up. Oh boy, this'll be interesting.

"I bet... that she could make this fly! Hey. Hey. Okay, concentrate. Okay?" I stand there, crossing my arms an amused look on my face.

She stares blankly at him as he lets the toy fall to the ground with an obnoxious clatter.

"Okay, one more time." She looks back at him, the faint look of mock confusion crosses her face and I bring my hand up to my mouth to try and hide the growing smirk.

"Okay."

I notice from the corner of my eye as Lucas drops his head in what looks to be a mix of disappointment and embarrassment.

"Use your powers, okay?" He drops it again and I can see amusement in her eyes, which only makes me giggle.

"She's not a dog!" Mike yells.

He stomped over and ripped the toy out of his hands, while I made eye contact with El and we shared a smile.

"Kids! It's time for school!" Mrs. Wheeler's voice carries through to the basement.

We all hastily pack up our things and Lucas and Dustin run up the stairs. Meanwhile Mike and I stayed behind to say goodbye to El.

"We are gonna need you to stay here, okay?" I ask kindly. She nods her head.

"But you can't make any noise and you can't leave." Michael pleads. She seems uneasy about this, but in agreement.

"Michael! (Y/N)!"

I'm about to say something when Mike turns around suddenly and shouts. 

"COMING!" I jump back slightly, a laugh escaping.

"You know those power lines?" he returns to El, in a completely calm voice, as if nothing happened.

She looks between us confused. "Power line?"

"Yeah. The ones behind my house?"

"Yes."

"Meet us there, after school." I pipe up, catching on to what Mike was thinking.

"After school?"

"Yeah, 3:15." She sends us an apologetic look, she was clearly confused.

"Mike, what about your watch." I nudge him, gesturing to his wrist watch. I would give her mine, but I don't have one.

He catches on quickly and begins taking off his watch.

"Ah." Once it's off his wrist, he gestures for her wrist.

El smiles slightly and let's him put the watch on her wrist. She looks to Mike a smile, still on her face as he adjusts the watch. I smile to myself.

'They are too cute.'

"When the numbers read three-one-five, meet us there." I said, grabbing her attention.

She looks down at the watch and recites my instructions.

"Three-one-five."

I smile at her, and give her a small nod. "Yeah. Three-one-five."

She smiles kindly at me, then at Mike once more. It might just be me, but I could have sworn I saw him blushing. Suddenly, he jumps up and runs up the stairs. I stand up, and dig into my extra bag I brought from home and bring it over to her.

"So, I didn't want you to be bored so I brought some things you might like." I open the bag quickly, knowing I'm keeping everybody waiting. I pull a couple of puzzles and some paper and pens.

"I don't know if you know what puzzles are but I brought you some of my favorites." I place some of my favorite puzzles on the table next to her and she eyes them curiously.

"It's a picture that is in a bunch of different pieces, and you try to fit them all back together. It's a great way to pass the time. And, I didn't know what else you might like so I just grabbed some paper and some of my best pens. You can draw all you want. I wish we could stay with you, but we have to go to school so nobody will suspect anything. We'll be back. Promise." I smile at her and she returns it.

I swing my backpack over my shoulder, and wave goodbye before darting up the stairs.

Halfway up the stairs, I stop in my tracks and run back to the bottom for a moment.

"Oh. And if you get hungry, you are more than welcome to have Dustin's snacks." I wink, and run to catch up.

× × ×

Taglist: @fuckwaad @aimee-lucass

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[storytimefromthecreed]

Vigilante AU: Sonny Carisi

(Part 3)

Detective Dodds flipped her over his shoulder, and the resulting action of landing on her back momentarily stunned her while her lungs fought to expand after the air was knocked from them. Dodds kept his distance, unsure of her state. When a gasp racked her body, practically lifting her midsection off the ground, he slowly made his way to her. 

“You-you’re,” Dodds huffed, fighting for his breath. Both fighters were drained. “Under arrest.” Dodds pinned her on the ground with his knee on her back. Cuffs clinked around her wrists. The cool feeling sent a rush of fear through her spine, and she tapped into the reserves of her energy. Dodds pulled her up, (Y/N) dead weighted the whole time to make him struggle, and he groaned when he had her in a standing position. Finally, The Vigilante was captured.

(Y/N) threw her head back, and heard the soft crunch of cartlidge. Dodds cursed aloud and released her. Still cuffed, she swung her wrists at the detectve, and he backed up. His fists went up in boxer’s stance, and she swung her foot at the side. He blocked this with a jab at her knee. No bother. She grounded on that foot, and caught him on his opposite hip as he raised a punch. The blow weakened Dodds, herself too, but she needed to end this. (Y/N) leaned her body back, jumped in the air, and kicked his ribs with as much force as she could muster. It was an impractical move, but she needed the space. Dodds was a close encounter fighter. She needed to either be extremely close to him, or far enough away that she was outside his range. Right now, she chose the latter. Falling to the ground, weak and still cuffed, (Y/N) crawled to a standing postition and fleed the scene. Dodds lay on his back, cursing.

....

Opening the door was hard with her hands still stuck together, so she just knocked. Imagine taking a shower and changing under those conditions. She did the best with what she was given and had raced home. Late. Sonny would be worried. (Y/N) had thrown her jacket over her hands, looping it at her wrists and giving the illusion of it being held.

“Sonny bunny,” Sonny’s blue eyes made her relax and she pushed her way into the apartment. The bag she held twisted between her fingers fell to the ground with a thud. Blood rushed back to her strained figures. "I'm so sorry for being late." She paused midway of showing him the cuffs when she saw they had guests. The whole squad gathered in their living room, some poked their heads out from the kitchen. Dinner was tonight? A knocking on the door diverted their attention, and Sonny opened the door.

“Sorry I’m late.” Dodds walked in and shook Sonny’s hand.

Sonny pulled him into the apartment and walked him over to (Y/N). He proudly threw an arm over her shoulder and said, “Don’t worry, Dodds. We get it. This is (Y/N), my wonderful girlfriend. (Y/N), this is Dodds.”

Darks eyes held hers when he grinned and extended a hand. (Y/N) stomach turned to lead. Jacket still covering her wrists, (Y/N) stuck her hand out as much as she could and gave Dodds a firm handshake. “Please, call me Mike.”

“It’s great to meet you, Mike.” The name sounded sour in her mouth. As if they hadn’t mutally kicked each other’s asses not two hours ago. 

“I’m sorry, but have we met before? I swear you look familiar.”

“I work at the hospital, you might have seen me there.”

“Maybe.” 

“Please make yourself comfortable, Mike. As you can tell, I forgot dinner was tonight.” (Y/N) smiled and gently looked up at Sonny.

“Sonny, can you help me with my gym bag? I can never get it on that tall shelf.”

Sonny looked confused, “But you usually leave it-” He nodded and took the bag from the floor. “Sure thing. Mike,” Sonny pointed towards the table. “There’s beer on ice on the table. Help yourself.” Sonny placed a hand on the small of (Y/N)’s back while they ducked past the squad.

Greeting the rest of the group and laughing about how they had seen her in such a ghastly state, the two excused themselves to their room with (Y/N) laughing, “I just came back from work. Ignore my face!” This got everyone laughing.

“Carisi’s about to get an earful.” Fin yelled as the door closed.

“What’s going on? Your gym bag?” Sonny put his hands on his hips and waited for her explaination. (Y/N) dropped the jacket and his eyes widened. Tears edged her eyes and her face pulled down in a frown. Panic rose in her chest. “What the-” He looked over his shoulder and lowered his voice while he crossed the room quickly. Sonny lead her to his side of the bed and fiddling through his desk. (Y/N) sat down, holding her hands to her face. Embarrassed. Finally finding what he was searching fun, a pin, Sonny began jumbling with the cuffs. “Where did you get these?”

“The store!” She said sarcastically. Sonny took her hands away from her face and lit the lamp on his table. “I really wanted to shake things up in bed and didn’t know how to tell you- How do you think! Baby, Dodds almost got me tonight.”

“Dodds?! As in the Dodds in our living room?!” Sonny’s blue eyes widened and (Y/N) crumpled. The weight of the events she had lived through so far in the night finally took her.

“Yes! I think I almost broke his nose. In my defense, he threw me across an alley. But still! I’m so sorry, Sonny. I totally ruined your evening. I’m so sorry.” The last sentence was a groan. Her eyes opened to face Sonny’s wrath. Sonny looked up at her sternly. Then a grin spread and he burst out laughing. He quit fumbling with the cufffs. Trapped between fighting to keep his laughter down and not being able to, tears ran down his face and when he finally composed himself long enough to look at her again, he returned into a fit.

“Sonny!” His laugh was infectious, and she found herself giggling. “This isn’t funny! Get me out of these! They’re gonna think we’re doing weird stuff in here.” (Y/N) cast a worried look at the door. 

“I just- you-” Sonny clutched his sides and wiped the tears at the corners of his eyes. “Phew. I love ya, doll.”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.” The click of the cuffs sounded her release, and she rubbed her wrists when they slipped off and into Sonny’s hands. Sonny stashed the cuffs in the drawer. 

“Are we going to return that? Should I drop them in his bag?”

“No, we’re keeping these.”

“Sonny,” Sonny kissed her wrists, tracing the lines where the cuffs had cut her. “That’s against the law.” 

“I’m your bad boy.” He winked.

“Go entertain. If you’re good, I’ll use the cuffs on your first.” (Y/N) purred. Sonny kissed her deeply, pulling away quicky, and headed for the door.

“I plan to be really bad then.” Sonny closed the door behind him, but (Y/N) heard him say, “Hey Dodds, what’s going on with your nose?” (Y/N) rolled her eyes.

....

When the night was over and all was cleared away, Sonny dropped like a rock beside her. The bed bounced at his added weight. 

“I can’t move a muscle.” Sonny’s voice muffled against the pillows. 

“Aww, my poor Sonny.” (Y/N) rolled off the bed and went to his feet. She pulled off his shoes and then his socks. 

“Thanks, doll.” Sonny muffled.

She tugged off his pants, and Sonny popped up his hips to allow her to do this.

“You’re the best. Now put on my green pjs.” Sonny wiggled his butt. 

“What if I like you like this?” She spanked his butt.

“Hey! I need you to love me for me than my body!” Sonny laughed as she mounted him. Sitting on the small of his back, her fingers slid under his shirt and scratched his back. Sonny groaned. “I thought you were trying to sex me up not put me to sleep.”

“I thought you wanted me to love you for more than your body.” She teased, and he grew silent. “We don’t have to do anything, love Just wanted to love on you.”

“I do too.” Sonny said slowly, but she sensed his hesitation. 

“What’s wrong?” (Y/N) rolled off his back to face him. He looked up with an innocent expression. His light brown hair puffed in front of his face, and she moved it back to look him in the eye. “We really don’t have to do anything if you don’t wanna.”

“I do. Promise. I just,” he looked embarassed, “I’ve never really, ya know.” He made a face, nodded his head side to side, and gestured vaguely. 

“I don’t understand.”

“I’ve never, really, done....” Sonny rolled to his side and traced his fingers on her captured hands. “My sex life has been relatively vanilla. I don’t want to do it wrong.” His confession was sweet, and he looked up at her for approval. 

“Anything you do is perfect to me, so don’t worry. Also, we really could wait until you’re more comfortable.”

“Thanks.” Sonny gave her a kiss and she winced at the movement. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. My back’s probably bruised.”

“Lemma look.” She turned around and pulled up her shirt. A hiss escaped his lips. 

“Mike did that? To you?” Gentle fingers traced the bruises.

“Not just him. Not that big of a deal. I think I have more.” (Y/N) turned over and lifted her shirt up and over her head. Sonny watched silently, taking in the black to green bruises covering her arms, stomach, and back. “Are you mad?”

“At you? For what?” Sonny lowered his mouth to the bruise on her forearm and kissed it. “Never. Just promise me you’re being careful.”

“Promise.” Sonny kissed every bruise on her body that night. And she swore they healed faster because of it. They fell asleep like that, half naked and tangled into one another. 

A click awoke (Y/N). Sonny’s gentle breathing lulled beside her. His body warming her. 

In their bedroom, Mike Dodds aimed a barrel at her.

[poorquentyn]

I'm re reading IT right now (slowly, as adult life is getting in the way) and was wondering what other bad storytelling choices you thought king made besides the. Uh. Sewer scene? Its been years since ive read it and nothing else really stood out to me as poor storytelling that i can remember. I'll read it for myself eventually but was curious of your thoughts. Love your blog!

Thanks! Stephen King often veers into caricature with his supporting characters, and It is no exception. The way he describes Eddie’s mom and wife physically goes well beyond the narratively useful purpose of establishing how their weight disorders have intertwined with Eddie’s hypochondria and into “ugh fat people are gross” territory. I don’t think King has conscious malignance in this area, because he finds a proper balance with Ben: the latter describes in realistic detail how he lost weight over time, his mom is upset that he’s eating less but is presented humanely (as someone who associates her son eating a lot with her doing well as a single mother), and King manages to avoid shaming Ben for his weight while also acknowledging that Ben personally feels a lot better about himself after having shed it–or rather, because of the confidence he gained in himself by taking charge of the situation. The idea here is not “Ben needs to lose weight because gross” but rather “Ben needs to be in control of his body.” 

The good doesn’t wipe out the bad, nor vice versa; gotta consider them both in context. Main characters are naturally going to get more nuance than supporting characters, but necessary shorthand can easily turn into harmful caricature. And of course, a storytelling choice that seems solid in isolation can become a problem within the work as a whole. Beverly is sexualized throughout It in a way that’s often very unpleasant to read, associated throughout with violence and misogyny. Sometimes this works, as a way of peeling back the layers of petty ego driving a man’s man like her husband Tom; he explodes at her in their introductory scene because her paying attention to Mike’s call instead of him makes him feel like he’s literally not there. Other times it doesn’t, like when King lingers on the “smell” that Bev and her father “make together” now that she’s reaching puberty. We don’t need that to get the point that Bev’s father has inappropriate feelings for her–we got that from Bev’s mom asking if he ever touches her. When you put both sides of the coin together with the infamous sex scene in the sewers and the amount of time spent on whether Bev will choose Ben or Bill, it starts to look less like King was taking a stand against objectification by showing its omnipresence than that he simply didn’t know what to do with Bev as a character without constantly making reference to sex, rape, assault, and molestation. While she does get some right to response on these matters, I don’t think it’s nearly enough. It pushes back against a mindset that casually treats women like objects, but fails to establish a counter-narrative rooted in the female characters as individuals, fleshed out beyond their relationships to the men around them. It’s less a question of Does Stephen King Hate Women than one of imagination and empathy. 

Of course, some flaws are lessened by context, rather than enhanced by it. Take, for example, our protagonist William Denbrough, a blatant author insert. Bill is a popular horror author (check) whose books are increasingly being adapted for TV and film (check) and who has a rather tense relationship with critics and academics (double check). The latter is spelled out in an extended flashback to Bill’s college days, in which he takes a stand that ought to be very familiar to anyone steeped in modern media discourse:

Here is a poor boy from the state of Maine who goes to the University on a scholarship. All his life he has wanted to be a writer, but when he enrolls in the writing courses he finds himself lost without a compass in a strange and frightening land. There’s one guy who wants to be Updike. There’s another one who wants to be a New England version of Faulkner-only he wants to write novels about the grim lives of the poor in blank verse. There’s a girl who admires Joyce Carol Gates but feels that because Oates was nurtured in a sexist society she is “radioactive in a literary sense.” Oates is unable to be clean, this girl says. She will be cleaner. There’s the short fat grad student who can’t or won’t speak above a mutter. This guy has written a play in which there are nine characters. Each of them says only a single word. Little by little the playgoers realize that when you put the single words together you come out with “War is the tool of the sexist death merchants.” This fellow’s play receives an A from the man who teaches Eh-141 (Creative Writing Honors Seminar). This instructor has published four books of poetry and his master’s thesis, all with the University Press. He smokes pot and wears a peace medallion. The fat mutterer’s play is produced by a guerrilla theater group during the strike to end the war which shuts down the campus in May of 1970. The instructor plays one of the characters.

Bill Denbrough, meanwhile, has written one locked-room mystery tale, three science-fiction stories, and several horror tales which owe a great deal to Edgar Allan Poe, H. P. Lovecraft, and Richard Matheson-in later years he will say those stories resembled a mid-1800s funeral hack equipped with a supercharger and painted Day-Glo red.

One of the sf tales earns him a B.

“This is better,” the instructor writes on the title page. “In the alien counterstrike we see the vicious circle in which violence begets violence; I particularly liked the “needle-nosed” spacecraft as a symbol of socio-sexual incursion. While this remains a slightly confused undertone throughout, it is interesting.”

All the others do no better than a C.

Finally he stands up in class one day, after the discussion of a sallow young woman’s vignette about a cow’s examination of a discarded engine block in a deserted field (this may or may not be after a nuclear war) has gone on for seventy minutes or so. The sallow girl, who smokes one Winston after another and picks occasionally at the pimples which nestle in the hollows of her temples, insists that the vignette is a socio-political statement in the manner of the early Orwell. Most of the class-and the instructor-agree, but still the discussion drones on.

When Bill stands up, the class looks at him. He is tail, and has a certain presence.

Speaking carefully, not stuttering (he has not stuttered in better than five years), he says: “I don’t understand this at all. I don’t understand any of this. Why does a story have to be socio-anything? Politics… culture… history… aren’t those natural ingredients in any story, if it’s told well? I mean… ” He looks around, sees hostile eyes, and realizes dimly that they see this as some sort of attack. Maybe it even is. They are thinking, he realizes, that maybe there is a sexist death merchant in their midst. “I mean… can’t you guys just let a story be a story?”

No one replies. Silence spins out. He stands there looking from one cool set of eyes to the next. The sallow girl chuffs out smoke and snubs her cigarette in an ashtray she has brought along in her backpack.

Finally the instructor says softly, as if to a child having an inexplicable tantrum, “do you believe William Faulkner was ‘just telling stories’? Do you believe Shakespeare was just interested in making a buck? Come now, Bill. Tell us what you think.”

“I think that’s pretty close to the truth,” Bill says after a long moment in which he honestly considers the question, and in their eyes he reads a kind of damnation.

“I suggest,” the instructor says, toying with his pen and smiling at Bill with half-lidded eyes, “that you have a great deal to learn.”

The applause starts somewhere in the back of the room.

Bill leaves… but returns the next week, determined to stick with it. In the time between he has written a story called “The Dark,” a tale about a small boy who discovers a monster in the cellar of his house. The little boy faces it, battles it, finally kills it. He feels a land of holy exaltation as he goes about the business of writing this story; he even feels that he is not so much telling the story as he is allowing the story to flow through him. At one point he puts his pen down and takes his hot and aching hand out into ten-degree December cold where it nearly smokes from the temperature change. He walks around, green cut-off boots squeaking in the snow like tiny shutter-hinges which need oil, and his head seems to bulge with the story; it is a little scary, the way it needs to get out. He feels that if it cannot escape by way of his racing hand that it will pop his eyes out in its urgency to escape and be concrete. “Going to knock the shit out of it,” he confides to the blowing winter dark, and laughs a little-a shaky laugh. He is aware that he has finally discovered how to do just that-after ten years of trying he has suddenly found the starter button on the vast dead bulldozer taking up so much space inside his head. It has started up. It is revving, revving. It is nothing pretty, this big machine. It was not made for taking pretty girls to proms. It is not a status symbol. It means business. It can knock things down. If he isn’t careful, it will knock him down.

He rushes inside and finishes “The Dark” at white heat, writing until four o'clock in the morning and finally falling asleep over his ring-binder. If someone had suggested to him that he was really writing about his brother, George, he would have been surprised. He has not thought about George in years-or so he honestly believes.

The story comes back from the instructor with an F slashed into the tide page. Two words are scrawled beneath, in capital letters. PULP, screams one. CRAP, screams the other.

Bill takes the fifteen-page sheaf of manuscript over to the wood-stove and opens the door. He is within a bare inch of tossing it in when the absurdity of what he is doing strikes him. He sits down in his rocking chair, looks at a Grateful Dead poster, and starts to laugh. Pulp? Fine! Let it be pulp! The woods were full of it!

“Let them fucking trees fall!” Bill exclaims, and laughs until tears spurt from his eyes and roll down his face.

He retypes the title page, the one with the instructor’s judgment on it, and sends it off to a men’s magazine named White Tie (although from what Bill can see, it really should be titled Naked Girls Who Look Like Drug Users). Yet his battered Writer’s Market says they buy horror stories, and the two issues he has bought down at the local mom-and-pop store have indeed contained four horror stories sandwiched between the naked girls and the ads for dirty movies and potency pills. One of them, by a man named Dennis Etchison, is actually quite good.

He sends “The Dark” off with no real hopes-he has submitted a good many stories to magazines before with nothing to show for it but rejection slips-and is flabbergasted and delighted when the fiction editor of White Tie buys it for two hundred dollars, payment on publication. The assistant editor adds a short note which calls it “the best damned horror story since Ray Bradbury’s "The Jar.” He adds, “Too bad only about seventy people coast to coast will read it,” but Bill Denbrough does not care. Two hundred dollars!

He goes to his advisor with a drop card for Eh-141. His advisor initials it. Bill Denbrough staples the drop card to the assistant fiction editor’s congratulatory note and tacks both to the bulletin board on the creative-writing instructor’s door. In the corner of the bulletin board he sees an anti-war cartoon. And suddenly, as if moving of its own accord, his fingers pluck his pen from his breast pocket and across the cartoon he writes this: If fiction and politics ever really do become interchangeable, I’m going to kill myself, because I won’t know what else to do. You see, politics always change. Stories never do. He pauses, and then, feeling a bit small (but unable to help himself), he adds: I suggest you have a lot to learn.

You can easily imagine this argument–a timeless appeal is being ruined by lefty college kids and their postmodern analyses–being made today by an alt-right YouTuber out to cleanse the game industry of SJWs. Throughout It, King keeps cutting back to an image of a librarian reading “The Billy Goats Gruff” to a group of kids, the latter enthralled (King tells us) by the primal purity of the kind of monster stories upon which both King and Denbrough have built their careers. “Will the monster be bested…or will It feed?” That’s King declaring that Bill’s his professors were wrong to wave aside his short horror stories. See? See?! I made it, and you pretentious eggheads were wrong to ever doubt me! This aspect of It is frankly embarrassing, especially as time marches on and we see how this mindset has taken root in the next generation.

But! While King very clearly believes this stuff, he’s also self-aware enough to include auto-critiques in his writing. Stan’s wife Patty picks up one of Bill’s novels and dismisses it as practically pornographic in its horror imagery. King goes too far in casting Patty’s dislike of Bill’s work as reflecting a lack of imagination on her part, but he then goes on to sympathetically explore how the grounded relatable struggles Patty has faced (anti-Semitism, her father mocking and dismissing Stan, their inability to have children) have led her to consider “horrorbooks” as shallow escapism. The real world, It admits, has horrors beyond anything the Kings and Denbroughs can come up with. “Werewolves, shit. What did a man like that know about werewolves?” 

Later on, when Ben is telling his triumphant story about calling out a high school coach who taunted him for his weight, Bill gently notes that as an author, he has trouble believing any kid really talked like that. That’s King using his self-insert to wryly poke fun at his own oft-overheated dialogue. Self-awareness and self-deprecation are absolutely vital to making a book as thematically and structurally ambitious as this one work. 

And while some of It’s politics make me cringe, other aspects make me perk up and take notice. King wrote It over the course of four years in which HIV and AIDS became a national crisis that was being largely ignored by said nation’s government. There was a growing conventional wisdom that the afflicted deserved their punishment and should be more or less left to rot. This was all part and parcel with the ascension of the religious right in American politics, especially within the Reagan White House. A huge part of the Reagan narrative (as we see in the “Morning in America” ad, also released while King was writing It) was a portrait of lily-white small-town America as a social ideal being beset by all sorts of ills that the left was either letting happen or actively supporting, and The Gays were most certainly among them.

It opens with a scene that seems to dovetail with that narrative: an idealized ‘50s small town in which an adorable innocent white boy from a good Christian family is horribly murdered by (what seems to be) a nightmarish external force that takes advantage of that innocence. Already, you can see a potential Reaganite spin–It as the Other, the “bear in the woods” threatening the ideal of Derry. 

But that’s not what It is about. The second chapter jumps forward a generation, into the mid-1980s in which King was writing, and onto a scene of violence that cannot be wrapped into the meta-narrative of the religious right. Three men attack a gay man on a bridge, their delicate sensibilities offended by his flamboyance. They beat him within an inch of his life and toss him over the side…where he finds It waiting for him with a gleaming sharp-toothed smile. Both the victim’s boyfriend and one of the assailants tell the cops and lawyers involved about the demon clown who finished the victim off, but the powers that be cover it up for the sake of a successful prosecution.

The idea being that they’re dealing with the symptoms, not the disease–the violence, but not the hand-me-down hate driving it. The bereft boyfriend tells the cops that he tried to warn his new-to-town lover that despite its cheery appearance, Derry is a “bad place,” one positively crawling with “AIDS is God’s punishment” homophobia. Moreover, he whispers through his tears, he realized while staring into Its silver eyes as It ate his true love that “It was Derry…It was this town.” 

So while the first chapter seemingly wrapped the era’s conservative politics in a cozy semiotic blanket, it was only baiting the hook so that the second can rip that blanket off like a Band-Aid. As Reagan strolled to re-election with 49 states at his back, as the Democrats’ convictions wavered and they began to drift rightward, as thousands of Americans wasted away while their government and so many of their fellow citizens watched pitilessly, here comes Stevie King to stick his middle finger in the Moral Majority’s face and say: gays aren’t the monsters, you are the monsters, you are the ones eating your children. He built a thousand-page Lovecraftian epic around that idea, and made it a bestseller. How fucking awesome is that?

Again, it’s all always going to be complicated. The good not only coexists with the bad–they’re often inextricable. The author who slipped a rant against leftist academics ruinin’ his storybooks into It is also the guy who now declares his support for BLM and his disgust for Trump, and It is both a deeply flawed work and one of my very favorite novels.

[junker-town]

What if the NFL had a quarterback-only draft today?

Lamar Jackson, Deshaun Watson, and Patrick Mahomes are among the NFL’s best QBs.

Every QB gets thrown into the draft pool on their current contracts. Who goes where?

What if every NFL quarterback were made available in a QB dispensation draft?

Who would go first? How would playoff teams recover from losing their signal callers? Who’d risk their future for the short-term boost of an accomplished, but aging, veteran?

Let’s give it a shot and shuffle the league’s QB decks. Every club takes a turn drafting a passer. This isn’t a ranking of NFL quarterbacks 1 to 32, though. Each team drafts based on its current roster and coaching lineup, so fit matters.

Age and contract status matter as well. Young and cheap are major assets for building a championship roster. Lamar Jackson will be saving Baltimore upwards of $30 million in salary cap space the next two seasons thanks to his team-friendly rookie contract. Patrick Mahomes may obliterate the league’s salary record in the near future, but he’s currently set to make just $5.3 million next fall.

Below, the teams are listed based on the 2020 NFL Draft order. The Bengals start us off. The defending champion Chiefs wrap things up. Every quarterback in the league — including backups, free agents, and this year’s rookie class — is eligible.

Here’s how this theoretical QB rundown shakes out.

1. Cincinnati Bengals: Patrick Mahomes (24 years old)

The reigning Super Bowl MVP and easiest pick in this draft. Pairing up Mahomes with A.J. Green, Tyler Boyd, Tee Higgins, John Ross, and Auden Tate would turn Cincinnati from the NFL’s least watchable team into a legitimate reason to buy Sunday Ticket.

2. Washington: Lamar Jackson (23 years old)

The reigning league MVP owns the NFL record for most single-season rushing yards as a quarterback and led the league in passing touchdowns while doing so. He’s 19-3 as a starter during the regular season. His playoff record could use some polish, but even if he’s done growing as a player, he’s an absolute monster capable of single-handedly swinging games. Washington needs that, because its offensive depth chart is just a picture of the Mongrovian flag.

3. Detroit Lions: Russell Wilson (31 years old)

Wilson is a perennial MVP candidate with Super Bowl bonafides. He’s also the reason the Seahawks refuse to slide into rebuilding mode following year after year of baffling draft decisions and shoddy blocking (99 sacks allowed the past two seasons). Now he gets to oversee a perpetual rebuild (bad) while throwing to Marvin Jones, Kenny Golladay, and D’Andre Swift (better).

4. New York Giants: Deshaun Watson (24 years old)

Watson goes from a franchise that just fixed a gaping hole at left tackle (albeit by giving Laremy Tunsil record-setting money) to one that hopes it has after drafting Andrew Thomas at No. 4 overall. Watson guided Houston — a team that went 1-11 in the games he didn’t start in 2017 — to a 24-13 record in his three seasons. He’s also responsible for the only Bill O’Brien playoff win that didn’t come against Connor Cook.

5. Miami Dolphins: Aaron Rodgers (36 years old)

Is Rodgers fading as he heads into his late 30s? Or were the past two seasons of good, not great, play the product of a lackluster cast of receiving talent behind Davante Adams? Even if it’s the latter, he’s made too many insane throws in big moments to be ignored. Plus, he’s younger than Ryan Fitzpatrick so ... youth movement in South Beach?

6. Los Angeles Chargers: Dak Prescott (26 years old)

STILL the best quarterback of the class of 2016. The Cowboys asked him to throw more than ever in 2019, and he responded with a career-high 4,902 passing yards (more than 1,000 more than his previous best) and a 30:11 TD:INT ratio. The Chargers, forever on-field drama magnets, get a player who led 14 game-winning drives in his first three seasons.

7. Carolina Panthers: Drew Brees (41 years old)

Brees was 40 years old last season and still finished second in the league in passer rating — albeit after missing five games with a torn ligament in his thumb. He may not have more than the 2020 season left in his NFL career, and the odds he’d leave New Orleans, especially to play for a division rival, are roughly zero. Still, there’s no denying his greatness.

8. Arizona Cardinals: Joe Burrow (23 years old)

This seemed like a good spot for Tom Brady — Larry Fitzgerald and DeAndre Hopkins! — until I remembered what an immobile veteran with a wavering deep ball would look like in Kliff Kingsbury’s system. I hated that idea and opted for a college quarterback who threw 60 touchdown passes last season, averaged more than 14 yards per completion, and who would absolutely lose his mind in Kingsbury’s adapted air raid.

9. Jacksonville Jaguars: Tom Brady (42 years old)

Brady remains in Florida, but doesn’t get the receiving upgrade of Mike Evans and Chris Godwin. Instead, he’ll throw to D.J. Chark, Dede Westbrook, Chris Conley, and Laviska Shenault Jr. His 2019 season was one of the least efficient of Brady’s career, though many of those struggles could be attributed to a disappointing surrounding cast in New England.

Does throwing Brady on a tanking team make sense? Nope! That’s why it’s an extremely Jaguars move.

10. Cleveland Browns: Carson Wentz (27 years old)

Here’s where things get difficult. There’s a host of good, not yet great, young-ish quarterbacks and heady veterans who make up the next tier.

I opted for Wentz — the quarterback the Browns traded back from possibly drafting in 2017. He arrives carrying the hope Cleveland’s massive upgrade at wideout (and to a lesser extent, tight end) will unlock the player who threw 54 touchdown passes against just 14 interceptions in 2017 and 2018. This could be my dumbest selection of the day, seeing as the Eagles may have drafted his replacement last week and have appeared very stupid doing so.

11. New York Jets: Jimmy Garoppolo (28 years old)

As much as a stately veteran like Matt Ryan or Kirk Cousins would fit here, Garoppolo’s ability to exceed expectations makes him New York’s pick. The 49ers signal caller was a few bad decisions away from being the reigning Super Bowl MVP. He’s also 21-5 as a regular season starter, and his 8.4 yards per attempt ranked third in the NFL last year.

12. Las Vegas Raiders: Kyler Murray (22 years old)

Jon Gruden loves Kyler Murray. His cheap salary would help Las Vegas continue to spend big in free agency and give a club in a new home a young, bankable star. The 2019 NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year wasn’t amazing in his debut, but he finished strong enough to showcase his potential.

Here’s what he did in his final eight starts as a rookie: a 65.2 percent completion rate, 217 passing yards per game, 6.9 yards per pass, 33 rushing yards (on 6.2 per carry) per game, and an 89.3 passer rating. The 13:8 TD:INT ratio over that span is worrisome, but that’s something Gruden can tolerate if it means getting his guy.

13. Indianapolis Colts: Matt Ryan (34 years old)

The Colts chose a prolific, experienced quarterback when they signed Philip Rivers this offseason. They do it again by selecting Ryan, a former MVP who completed a league-high 408 passes last fall despite sitting out one game in the middle of the season. Ryan had 11 300+ yard performances in 2019 thanks, in part, to a defense that kept him frequently playing from behind. He’ll get a boost on that side of the ball in Indianapolis, but the lack of Julio Jones could put his high-volume passing in a new light.

14. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Kirk Cousins (31 years old)

Cousins’ two seasons since being freed from the shame treadmill that is the Washington franchise: 69.7 percent completion rate, 56 touchdowns, 16 interceptions, 255 passing yards per game, and a 103.0 passer rating.

Now he gets to whip passes at the Evans/Godwin combo Brady was forced to vacate in the draft.

15. Denver Broncos: Matthew Stafford (32 years old)

6’1 Baker Mayfield is probably the highest-upside player available. But Matthew Stafford is 6’3 — closer to the tall QB ideal general manager John Elway absolutely loves. Stafford’s more than willing to take chances downfield, as proven by his league-high average throw depth of 10.6 yards downfield last year. That makes him 100 percent the kind of gunner Denver wants launching deep balls to Courtland Sutton, Noah Fant, Jerry Jeudy, and KJ Hamler.

16. Atlanta Falcons: Ryan Tannehill (31 years old)

Tannehill is the draft’s X-factor. He’s a player whose 2019 season measures among the league’s best but who is also capable of reverting back to the ineffective form that ended his Miami tenure. The Falcons need a win-now quarterback to keep Dan Quinn’s employment hopes alive, and Tannehill’s ability to air the ball out would help keep a passing game that features Julio Jones and Calvin Ridley running smoothly.

17. Dallas Cowboys: Baker Mayfield (25 years old)

Mayfield could be the draft’s biggest bargain if he can harness the power that pushed him to MVP-caliber numbers over the second half of his rookie season (68 percent completion rate, 19:7 TD:INT ratio, a 106.2 passer rating). Playing behind an offensive line that allowed Dak Prescott to be sacked on only 3.7 percent of his dropbacks — and playing for a head coach who isn’t Freddie Kitchens — should spur an improvement in his return to Texas.

18. Pittsburgh Steelers: Ben Roethlisberger (38 years old)

The Steelers almost made it to the postseason with Devlin Hodges and Mason Rudolph starting the majority of their games. Bringing Big Ben back into the fold after he slid down the draft board makes more sense than hitting reset and starting over with one of the available, unproven QBs like Sam Darnold,

19. Chicago Bears: Josh Allen (23 years old)

Chicago’s facing a hard reboot following Mitchell Trubisky’s failure to become a franchise quarterback. Allen’s recent development makes him a better bet than Daniel Jones, another quarterback who wasn’t amazing playing college ball in the state of North Carolina but still enjoyed a meteoric rise through the pre-draft process.

Allen made the improvements necessary to guide Buffalo back to the postseason last year, upping his completion rate by a full six percent and cutting his interception rate nearly in half. He’s a capable runner (1,141 rushing yards, 17 touchdowns the past two years) who can exceed the production a healthy Trubisky provided. He’s also pretty cheap; Allen will count less than $13 million against the team’s salary cap through 2021.

20. Los Angeles Rams: Jared Goff (25 years old)

LA was forced to shed contracts this spring, somewhat as the result of Goff‘s massive extension after he led the Rams to Super Bowl 53. He rewarded that faith with a backslide in 2019.

Even a bad season in which his touchdown rate and yards-per-attempt figures shrunk and his interception rate rose, he’s still the quarterback who piloted a stacked offense to a 33-14 record the past three years. Sean McVay would be happy to have him back this late in the draft.

21. Philadelphia Eagles: Derek Carr (29 years old)

The Eagles worked hard to overhaul their WR corps this offseason by adding skillful deep threats like Marquise Goodwin, Jalen Reagor, and John Hightower to the mix. None of those wideouts are sure things, however, and it could behoove the Philadelphia to find a passer capable of efficiently moving the ball in the mid-range.

Carr hasn’t gotten much recognition since his MVP-adjacent 2016 season, but there’s only one thing he truly does poorly as an NFL quarterback; hold on to the football while diving for the end zone. He attempted the fewest deep balls of his career last fall thanks to the Raiders’ lack of targets, but he was rock solid in the intermediate game. He completed 78 percent of his passes from 0-19 yards.

22. Buffalo Bills: Tua Tagovailoa (22 years old)

The Bills took a chance on a big-armed college passer in 2018. They do the same here with Tagovailoa, who was a better collegiate quarterback (by a mile) than Josh Allen but brings several questions about his health following last year’s dislocated hip. He’ll look great in Buffalo’s continually evolving offense.

23. New England Patriots: Teddy Bridgewater (27 years old)

The Patriots could swing on higher-upside quarterbacks like Jones, Dwayne Haskins, or Sam Darnold. Instead, Bill Belichick’s refusal to spend anything more than a Day 3 pick on a quarterback indicates he may be more interested in veteran help to replace Tom Brady. Bridgewater, fresh off a 5-0 stint as the Saints’ spot starter, is used to filling in for a future Hall of Famer.

24. New Orleans Saints: Philip Rivers (38 years old)

Out goes one prolific passer who used to play for the Chargers. In comes another. Michael Thomas may be the perfect eraser for Rivers’ increasingly erratic throws.

25. Minnesota Vikings: Sam Darnold (22 years old)

Darnold has been in the league two years and is still one of the youngest starting QBs. He improved steadily throughout 2019 as long as he wasn’t seeing ghosts in the Patriots’ secondary, going 7-6 as a starter in an otherwise ugly Jets season. He threw only four interceptions in his final eight games to go along with an efficient 93.3 passer rating. Now Minnesota gets to see if he casts off some Kirk Cousins vibes once freed from Adam Gase’s influence.

26: Houston Texans: Daniel Jones (22 years old)

Jones swaps out Dave Gettleman as his GM for Bill O’Brien. He may be cursed.

Jones somehow had three different games where he had at least four touchdown passes and zero interceptions. He also had seven games with multiple turnovers, including so, so many embarrassing fumbles. He is the Schrodinger’s Cat of second-year quarterbacks. Houston is perfect for him.

27. Seattle Seahawks: Cam Newton (30 years old)

Being able to avoid pressure is a prerequisite for a Seattle quarterback. Newton can do that — though his injury concerns suggest this could end poorly for the Seahawks. Still, they get a former MVP who may just need a change of scenery to put his last two disappointing seasons behind him.

28. Baltimore Ravens: Drew Lock (23 years old)

As tempting as it would be to snag Dwayne Haskins and once again show Washington how developing a franchise QB is done, the Ravens have a special place in their heart for anyone who makes Joe Flacco expendable. The Broncos scored 15.9 points per game in their 3-8 start without Lock. They averaged 21.4 in a 4-1 finish with the rookie in the lineup.

29. Tennessee Titans: Jacoby Brissett (27 years old)

Tennessee took one roughly average quarterback and turned him into found money when it traded for Tannehill last offseason. Brissett is another buy-low passer with the capability to throw a gorgeous deep ball. The former Patriot looked like a real franchise building block in the Colts’ 5-2 start, but a Week 9 knee injury sapped his effectiveness in a disappointing finish.

30: Green Bay Packers: Justin Herbert (22 years old)

They already drafted Aaron Rodgers’ real life replacement in 2020’s first round. Herbert’s availability allows the Packers to follow up on that instinct with a more productive college quarterback.

31: San Francisco 49ers: Dwayne Haskins (22 years old)

Haskins was a monster in college, but he struggled in his NFL debut with an undermanned Washington team. He’d get an immediate upgrade and the opportunity to fulfill his potential with the Niners — and he’s got the upside to make his drop all the way to 31 look downright stupid.

32: Kansas City Chiefs: Ryan Fitzpatrick (37 years old)

This is partially a win-now move and partially because I want to see some FitzMagic involving Tyreek Hill, Travis Kelce, Mecole Hardman, and Sammy Watkins. Would Gardner MInshew or Jordan Love be better forward-thinking moves? Yep. Would Jameis Winston, Andy Dalton, or Nick Foles provide similar instant gratification and a longer runway to the future? Probably.

But the NFL is better when Fitzpatrick is given the green light to close his eyes and chuck it deep. Kansas City is perfect for that.

[cooperjones2020]

Nobodies Nobody Knows

Summary: She is the lamp in Hero’s tower, the scissors in Delilah’s hand, the blood in Guinevere’s bed. She is a million and one metaphors and all of them are his undoing.

part 1/?

Some of the scenes from Second City but from Jughead's perspective. More a character exercise than a story.

Apparently I have no self-restraint and need to post things as soon as they’re completed, which now means I’m out of pre-written material so stuff may take longer. Also I really wanted to use this title and Algren strikes me as someone Jughead would like.

(ao3->http://archiveofourown.org/works/11434950/chapters/25623927)

By the time Sunday night rolls around, Jughead Jones wants a beer, a shower, and several hours uninterrupted with his Netflix. He has been doing line edits on his new manuscript for ten hours, sitting hunched over his coffee table. Because he’s a grown-ass man and he doesn’t own a desk.

So, more than the beer, the shower, and the Netflix, he wants to grunt and sweat and expend some goddamn energy until his muscles are as tired as his eyes.

But, instead of any of those things — those blessedly simple, easy to satisfy desires — because the universe has a fucking sadistic sense of humor —  he walks into Mary Andrews’s house to find Betty Cooper.

Now that he thinks about it, Mary had looked surprised when she’d opened the door. But he’d pushed his way in and made himself at home the way he’d been doing since he was 19. Mike was expecting him. They had a date with some wood.

It’s not a creepy sex thing. He’s taken up woodworking and furniture restoration.

Expect Mike is in London. Halfway down the hallway, her words stop him cold. “Here, come into the living room, I’m having dinner with Betty.”

“Betty.” He only knows one Betty. “Betty Cooper?” Red alert. SOS. All hands on deck.

“Of course Betty Cooper. Didn’t I tell you she was moving here?”

“No actually, I don’t think you did.” He doesn’t know how much Mary knows, doesn’t know if it’s truly an oversight on her part or if Archie has told her something and she thinks she’s helping him by keeping him in the dark about Betty. If it’s the latter, she is. Or she was, anyway.

But she’s already pushed past him into the living room. There’s nothing else for it.

Betty Cooper is every bit as beautiful as she was ten years ago. More so. And he swears his heart stops in his chest when he rounds the corner and sees her for the first time.

He truly hasn’t seen her since high school. He doesn’t have a facebook, doesn’t follow her on instagram. She may have featured in a few of Archie’s posts over the years, but he’s always told his eyes to slide off of her. To not linger on what he can never have. She looks older. No shit. But more mature, more relaxed. Her neck looks longer and her hair shorter. It is still a beam of sunlight.

Jughead Jones is a writer. And he likes to think he’s at least okay at it. He trades in metaphor and simile, synechdoche and metonym. But his entire life, every time he’s seen her, the only thing that’s shot through him, the only word he’s been able to grab onto and hold is sunlight. The color, the warmth, the feeling.

When she says hello and reaches out a hand, he takes it automatically. Something somewhere in his nervous system is misfiring. He’s pretty sure he says her name.

“Can I get you some food, Jug?”

Ah yes, a distraction. “Always Mary. Do you even have to ask?”

Of course that means Mary turns back to the kitchen, so Jughead is left sitting across from Betty Cooper, staring at her like she’s a goddamn ghost. Betty, forever her mother’s daughter, manages to make small talk.

“Did you say something about a desk?”

“A—? Oh yeah. Mike and I are restoring this turn-of-the-century roll-top desk Mary found at an estate sale. It was gift when The Final Fissure hit the bestseller list.” Idiot. Stop bragging.

But then he notices color creeping her up chest and her eyes slide to the right. Where what he assumes is her purse sits in front of the fireplace with a very familiar cover peaking out of the top. Before he gives himself a chance to think, he picks it up.

“If you ask me if I want an autograph, I’ll clock you.”

“I would never.”

It’s a paperback, and it feels like a pretty new one. The pages are crisp and there’s no crack in the spine. He thumbs through it.

“Why, Betty Cooper, no annotations? I’m shocked.” That’s good, Jug. That’s almost funny.

“Actually—that might be my second copy. I got to the airport way too early and, in a whirlwind of productivity, I’d already shipped all my books here—well not here, cause they’re in Lexington at the moment—but I didn’t have anything to read and I’d already finished the newspaper and it was on display in Hudson’s. I picked it up just to look at but before I knew it you’d sucked me back in. So I bought it so I’d have something to do on the plane.”

There are many threads in that spiel on which he’d like to tug—Lexington?—but at the knowledge that she not only found his writing compelling but found it compelling enough to buy two copies of his book, his heart swells up in his chest and he can’t breathe.

“Hey you don’t have to justify buying my book to me.”

He’d actually thought about sending her a copy, before it first came out. He debates telling her that, just to see how she’d react.

But then Mary returns.

“Here you go, Jug. Let me know if you need anything else.”

Logically, he doesn’t. So he accepts his plate and turns tail for the basement, trying to ignore the ball of string that wants to lead him out of the labyrinth, up the stairs, right to where Betty sits.

So many questions run through Jughead Jones’s mind the first time he sets eyes on Betty Cooper in ten years. But above all he wants to ask her, Who are you now, Betts? How did you get here from there, Betts? What happened to you when I left you? Did you find the strength I always knew you had?

For a while, he loses himself in the slog of paint stripper, sand paper, and power tools. He tries not to think about the fact that they’re almost certainly talking about him. He wants to know what she’s asking Mary. He wants to know what Mary’s telling her. He’s ashamed when he considers creeping up the stairs to listen at the doorway.

When he emerges a few hours later, most of the lights on the first floor have been extinguished. But for the glow creeping its way down the hallway from the kitchen, slipping its fingers into Betty’s hair where she sleeps on the living room couch, an afghan slipping off one shoulder.

He gives himself a moment just to look at her. When the moment passes, he turns and Mary is watching him from the doorway, a mug of tea cupped in her hands.

“How’d it go?” There’s a look in her eyes he can’t quite decipher, but he’d bet his next advance it’s not about his pet project.

“Slow progress. I’m trying not to damage the wood when I remove the old varnish. It’s like the Battle of Verdun but for my patience. When’d you lose Sleeping Beauty over here?

“An hour and half or so ago. I was going to just let her sleep on the couch but I’d forgotten you were here. Maybe you could carry her upstairs.” Everything inside him screams out yes: yes, take her in your arms again; yes, press your cheek to her hair; yes, match the rhythm of her heartbeat to yours. But everything also screams out no: no, don’t torture yourself; no, she wouldn’t want it; no, you have no right. The two everythings wrench him apart.

But then, before he can respond: “I’m awake!” And so she is.

“Hey Pippi Longstocking.” He wonders how many more mediocre movie references he can jam into tonight.

“Betty, you’re welcome to sleep in the guest room upstairs. But if you want to go home, I’m sure Jughead can take you.” His stomach twists in two different directions again.

“Oh no that’s alright, Mary. I can just take the L.” Like hell she can.

“No, Betty, you’re not riding the red line home by yourself this late at night.” He is not being a caveman. He would say that to anyone. Hell, he wouldn’t ride the red line at midnight by himself. Especially not if there’s been a game tonight — which he thinks there has been. And he looks scary. He has a leather jacket!

“Jug’s right, honey. It’s not safe and you’re so new to the city anyway. Let him take you home.”

He’s not quite sure how, because he can tell she doesn’t want to, but Mary somehow convinces her. He tries to mentally prepare himself to have her on the back of his bike, touching him, a twisted version of his sixteen-year-old self’s fantasy come to life.

When Mary has kissed his helmet and vanished back into the house, he asks, “So where to, Miss Daisy?” Update: the answer is one. One more mediocre movie reference.

She names an address near the Newberry. “Of course you live in River North.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Ask me again in a month if you haven’t figured it out.” Stupid. Betty in Chicago is not equal to Betty in his life. He will not try to parse whether this is a fantasy or a nightmare. He will not let himself hope. Hope is not for people like him.

“And where do you live?”

“In Logan Square. And before you say anything, I lived there before the hipsters moved in.” More stupid. She’ll definitely latch onto that.

She does. “Really? Before the hipsters moved in? Well okay then. By all means, continue to proselytize on the ills of gentrification.”

He snaps his visor shut and swings a leg over the bike.

He takes her down Lake Shore Drive though it’s slightly out of the way, so they can enjoy the juxtaposition of the city lights and the deep, dark lake. In the night air, her arms burn where they touch his chest.

When they get to her building, she awkwardly climbs off and he stows the helmet in a saddlebag.

Then she touches him. “Thanks, Juggie.”

He sucks in a breath. He feels the point of contact, the nickname, zing through his system. She, too, seems to realize what she’s done.

He can’t help himself. He slides a hand down her arm, cupping her elbow, before bringing it to rest atop hers. He lifts it and squeezes, says, “Night Betts.”

“Night.” He watches her slip into her building, then kicks the bike to life and roars away. He takes the corner as sharply as he can get away with and heads toward the expressway.

[thrashermaxey]

Ramblings: Review of the Weekend, Rick Nash, and More – June 26

It was quite the wild weekend at the Draft. We didn’t have nearly the action on Friday in terms of trades that we thought we would, but we did have a lot of movement on draft boards I don’t think (m)any saw coming.

Saturday was a different story, though. In case you missed anything, I’m going to briefly recap what we’ve posted here at Dobber the last few days:

Ian’s Ramblings on Sunday gave his take on the Draft, Kovalchuk, and the Calgary/Carolina trade.

Dobber covered the Ilya Kovalchuk signing in Los Angeles as well as the Calgary/Carolina trade.

Cam’s Ramblings on Saturday covered the first day of the Draft.

I wrote about the Philipp Grubauer trade on Friday.

Cam and Peter Harling from Dobber Prospects posted their reactions on the first round of the Draft in a podcast over on Dobber Prospects.

Hayden had a Ramblings on Dobber Prospects discussing the best fits from the draft.

There was a lot going on so in case you missed something, or want to go over it again, there is a lot to review.

Given that most of the excitement happened on Saturday, at least from the perspective of impacts on current NHLers, I wanted to get my thoughts out there on both Kovalchuk and the big trade.

  Ilya Kovalchuk

Where I agree with Dobber in his assessment of the Kovalchuk signing is how this helps Anze Kopitar. The word ‘helps’ is relative. As Dobber mentioned, it’s going to be very hard for the Slovenian centre to improve on 92 points, Kovalchuk or not. It will help him maintain somewhere close to that level, though, so it’ll help him not fall off steeply in production, but not necessarily help him improve. Again, help is relative.

Where I kind of part with Dobber is on how the top-6 will look. When Jeff Carter returned at the end of February, Tyler Toffoli spent a not-insignificant amount of time on the third line. In fact, he spent about one-third of his five-on-five ice time with Adrian Kempe compared to about two-thirds with Jeff Carter. Part of this was because Toffoli slumped hard in the second half (seven goals in calendar 2018), part of this was because, I assume, there was a desire to have more than two scoring lines. Maybe next year, we see pairs of forwards like many teams have e.g. Kopitar/Kovalchuk together, Carter/Pearson together, Toffoli/Kempe together, and then wingers are mixed and matched as needed? Or maybe Pearson and Toffoli are switched. It would give the Kings a third scoring line they really haven’t had in recent memory. From a real-hockey perspective, it probably makes more sense to operate like that rather than stacking the top two lines and hoping Adrian Kempe can carry a third line with Trevor Lewis or whomever.

A final point on the impact of the signing is the power play. Los Angeles is one of the teams that has stuck by a three-forward top PP unit even as more teams move to a four-forward unit. Los Angeles had nearly 382 power play minutes available last year. Out of those 382 minutes, nearly half of them (about 48.3 percent) featured Drew Doughty with one of Jake Muzzin or Alec Martinez. Now, was this just a function of not having Jeff Carter most of the year, or is it the PP setup they truly want to use? Because if they stick with two defencemen, one would assume that means a forward unit of Kopitar-Kovalchuk-Carter. If they go to one defenceman, do they add Dustin Brown or Tyler Toffoli? A big part of Brown’s resurgence last year was power-play production; he had 15 PPPs in 2017-18 but had just 15 total PPPs from 2014-2017.

Note that when Carter returned, they still used two defencemen, so even with the option of running Kopitar-Carter-Brown-Toffoli-Doughty, they kept Toffoli largely off the top PP unit. If they decide to go to a four-forward top PP unit, Brown seems in line to get the first crack. That could all change, though, if Toffoli returns to sniper form.

In that sense, I don’t think this signing helps Toffoli unless he leapfrogs Brown in the power play pecking order, but it won’t necessarily hurt him, either; he’s set for a rebound at five-on-five and PP production has never been a cornerstone of his fantasy value. It sure does limit his upside though.  

As far as Kovalchuk’s production goes, expecting anything more than 30 goals or 60 points is foolish. Guys his age just don’t produce at elite rates in today’s NHL, even fellow future Hall of Famers like Marian Hossa and Jarome Iginla. Start with those marks and work backwards when establishing your rankings.

  Calgary-Carolina Trade

That the Hurricanes traded Noah Hanifin isn’t a huge surprise. His name had been in rumours for a while now and new ownership was clear on wanting to shake things up. Once it was made public that Elias Lindholm’s camp and the Hurricanes were far apart on a new contract (he’s an RFA due for a raise), it made sense he’d be on the move as well.

I don’t think anyone expected the trade that occurred.

Before getting into fantasy analysis, I’m going to say this: why does Dougie Hamilton keep getting traded? We saw the reports come out post-trade that Hamilton wasn’t a guy to spend a lot of time going out with the team (he likes museums and apparently that’s a negative character flaw). There were quotes from Flames GM Brad Treliving about “changing the mix” in the room. We remember the knives coming out after he was traded from Boston, and on Twitter, Bruins beat writer Joe Haggerty mused Hamilton not going to Las Vegas for a postseason team drinking binge was the last straw.

It’s also been discussed by the media and by Bill Peters that there was a desire to reunite TJ Brodie and Mark Giordano. That would have pushed Hamilton to the second pairing. That’s coming from the Flames. As is his nature, there has been no comment from Hamilton on the matter.

Keep in mind: Hamilton is well-known for work in the community including being the organizer for Flames players visiting the local children’s hospital on Halloween and dropping in to youth hockey practices. He won an award for his endeavours in the Calgary community.

Apparently, if you’re an elite defenceman playing for an NHL team in Canada, donating time and money to children’s hospitals is a one-way ticket out of town.  

This is how Calgary performed in 2017-18:

they gave up the seventh-most power plays to the opponent this year

the goaltenders were 22nd in five-on-five save percentage

they were 29th in five-on-five shooting percentage

they were 29th in power-play shooting percentage

Did Hamilton cause the goalies to be poor, Mike Smith to get hurt, and the team to be abysmal at scoring at five-on-five? Did he cause them to shoot a full one percent less at five-on-five compared to 2016-17?

Or maybe all this is just nonsense and, under the pressure of a failed season largely driven by percentages, Brad Treliving had to make a seismic move and the guy who visits museums is the easy target.

Anyway, when you have a star – and Hamilton is one of the best defencemen in the NHL – you figure out a way to make it work. Especially one in the middle of his prime making way less than market value.

Now, to the actual fantasy analysis of the trade.

For years, Carolina had two problems: they couldn’t score and their goalies couldn’t make saves. In the game of hockey, being unable to tally or prevent goals is a, let’s say, problem.

That started to change over the last couple years. Post-2013 lockout, 2016-17 and 2017-18 are the two seasons Carolina ranked highest in the league in goals/60 minutes at five-on-five. The power play wasn’t great, but it was better than Calgary’s, and there is a lot of room for improvement. Remember, we are going into Sebastian Aho’s third season, Teuvo Teravainen’s fourth full year, they have Martin Necas on his way, and just drafted Andrei Svechnikov. Veterans like Justin Williams and Jordan Staal, both capable scorers, are still around. There is still talk of Justin Faulk and Jeff Skinner being traded, and while the latter being moved won’t help scoring, hopefully on aggregate the return will.

Regardless, at least in terms of skaters, this franchise is moving in the right direction, and Hamilton will be there to log big minutes at five-on-five and on the power play. A repeat of his 2017-18 season seems more likely than his 2016-17 season.

I think we saw the high-water mark from Micheal Ferland in 2017-18. It’s doubtful he’s on the first line in Carolina as he was in Calgary, and if he’s in the bottom-6 and on the second PP unit, he’s waiver fodder in fantasy leagues that don’t count hits. In those that do count hits, bank more on 2016-17 production than 2017-18.

As far as Elias Lindholm is concerned, I’m not convinced he moves right to the top line. Yes, they have been looking for a right winger for Johnny Gaudreau and Sean Monahan basically since Jiri Hudler’s magical 2014-15 season. They also badly need to lengthen the lineup. The trio of Sam Bennett, Mark Jankowski, and Garnet Hathaway was actually pretty good for them last year as a third line (54.5 percent shot share, 50.8 percent goal share, 54.6 percent expected goal share) but I don’t think they see it that way. I assume they, like the Los Angeles Kings mentioned above, see a scoring third line as a necessity, and don’t want to leave it up to Bennett-Jankowski-Hathaway to do it. Coach Bill Peters doesn’t seem convinced Lindholm to the top line is a lock, either:

Bill Peters says he is going to play Tkachuk a bit on the right side this year. But if the season started tomorrow, he’d put Lindholm with Monahan and Gaudreau.

— Kristen Anderson (@KdotAnderson) June 23, 2018

Process of elimination says there’s either a plan in place to A) move Tkachuk to the top line right wing, B) just move Tkachuk to the right side of this own second line for some reason, C) move Tkachuk to the third line. Given the second two options are improbable, Tkachuk moving the top line is what Peters is inferring.

That would be incredible for Matthew Tkachuk, who is so proficient in multi-cat leagues that he doesn’t really need the production boost, but he’d be an elite asset if that were the case. It would also kill any hope for a Lindholm improvement. My assumption is it’ll be a fluid situation all year.  

This does clear the way for lock-top minutes for Mark Giordano on the PP, but again like Los Angeles, it’s a matter of whether they use a 3F2D power play or 4F1D. They had a lot of minutes with Gio-Hamilton together, do they just slide Noah Hanifin in Hamilton’s spot? It would make two lefties, so unless one is used in the diamond, I doubt it.

Remember, this also gives them three good left-shot defencemen in Giordano, Brodie, and Hanifin. Bill Peters said they wanted to get away from the Brodie-Hamonic pairing and get back to the top pair of Giordano-Brodie. That leaves Hanifin with Hamonic and then whatever they decide to do with the third pair. Here’s the kicker: going with Giordano-Brodie and Hanifin-Hamonic leaves Michael Stone as the third right defenceman, meaning there’s no room for Rasmus Andersson in the regular rotation unless they play one of he and Stone on their off-side. This configuration would be bad news for Andersson dynasty owners hoping he could get into the lineup this year.

  *

One free agent going a bit under the radar is Rick Nash, but it’s not a certainty he even plays next year:

Has anyone mentioned the fact @FriedgeHNIC and @JeffMarek suggest Rick Nash is considering retirement? Kind of a big nugget in the 31 Thoughts pod.

— Ian McLaren (@iancmclaren) June 25, 2018

  Oh man. Could we be looking at a possible Rick Nash retirement? This excerpt from the Boston Globe says there’s a chance. #CBJ pic.twitter.com/82dU7FeNNX

— Mark Scheig (@markscheig) June 24, 2018

As the Boston Globe points out, Nash has a lengthy injury history (read: concussions) and has already made more than enough money for his family and several generations after to live well. The Stanley Cup has remained elusive, but I’m sure he’s weighing his future quality of life against the desire for that Cup. Maybe he decides it’s not worth it?

  *

Your daily update on John Tavares Watch

Confirmed teams that John Tavares will meet with this week at CAA offices in L.A.: Dallas, Boston, San Jose, Toronto, Tampa (plus of course NYI). The Tavares camp will also have conversations with 2-3 other teams over the phone and perhaps also meet with 1-2 of them.

— Pierre LeBrun (@PierreVLeBrun) June 25, 2018

*

For an update on trade/free agent rumours, I recommend Elliotte Friedman’s 31 Thoughts column. One of the interesting nuggets was that the Blues seem to be in on trying to acquire Ryan O’Reilly. They have the pieces necessary and a definite need up the middle.

from All About Sports https://dobberhockey.com/hockey-rambling/ramblings-review-of-the-weekend-rick-nash-and-more-june-26/

[foursproutwealth-blog]

Rand Paul: It's Time For A New American Foreign Policy

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/wealth/rand-paul-its-time-for-a-new-american-foreign-policy/

Rand Paul: It's Time For A New American Foreign Policy

Authored by Rand Paul via The Strategic Culture Foundation,

Americans have also been increasingly clear that they are tired of constant war

What kind of job can you have where you are consistently wrong, yet get to still go on TV talking endlessly and making more wild predictions that will no doubt lead to the same failed result?

If you guessed “TV Weatherman” you’re close…but the job I’m referring to is “Neocon Foreign Policy Expert”.

Being a neocon means never having to say you’re sorry, even trillions of dollars and decades into doomed wars.

Iraq

Famously, the neocons have told us that we would be greeted as liberators in Iraq. The thousands of American soldiers killed or wounded might argue otherwise. The architects of the Iraq war forgot to tell us that it would embolden Iran and give Iran a new ally in the ‘liberated’ Shia majority in Iraq. They forgot to tell us that it would tip the balance of power in the Middle East and encourage Saudi Arabia to go on a military buying spree and become the third largest purchasers of weapons in the world.

Libya

The neocons told us that the Arab Spring would bring Western-style democracy to the Middle East. They told us toppling Muammar el-Qaddafi would bring freedom and stability. They were wrong and instead of stability the overthrow of Qaddafi brought chaos. They failed to understand that the chaos of Libya would become a breeding ground for terrorism.

Syria

The neocons loudly announced that regime change in Syria was their goal. Yet, even Hillary Clinton realized the problem when our arms, as well as Saudi and Qatari arms, were getting delivered in the hands of ISIS. In one of the Wikileaks emails, Hillary warned Podesta: “the governments of Qatar and Saudi Arabia . . . are providing clandestine financial and logistic support to ISIS and other radical groups in the region.”

And yet, the deliveries of Western arms to jihadists went on and on for years.

Despite the evidence that many of the fighters opposing Assad were jihadists with an equal hatred for Israel and the United States, the weapons kept flowing.

Remember their call to arm the “moderate fighters?” Who can forget the $260 million spent to train sixty fighters, ten of whom were captured only minutes after they were sent into battle.

The neocons vociferously argued that Assad must go. Senators McCain and Graham argued that you couldn’t defeat ISIS without also defeating Assad. John Bolton went so far as to pontificate that “defeating the Islamic State” is “neither feasible nor desirable” if Assad remains in power. Actually, the opposite was true. Only when the mission changed from removing Assad to attacking ISIS did the tide finally turn.

Max Abrahms and John Glaser wrote in the LA Times late last year that contrary to neocon dogma, ISIS “imploded right after external support for the ‘moderate’ rebels dried up.”

So, the neocons who argued that ISIS couldn’t or shouldn’t be defeated without first defeating Assad were wrong again.

In the 2016 presidential primary two candidates—myself and Donald Trump—declared that the Iraq War was a mistake, that we should not arm our enemies and that America didn’t have a dog in every fight.

I campaigned against the folly of recent neocon wars, the futility of nation building, and the bankruptcy, moral and literal, of the idea of policing the world. So did Donald Trump—for the most part.

So where do we go from here? Congress is still dominated by neocons. The Trump administration shows no sign of ending the Afghan war. If anything, President Trump has doubled down on our support for Saudi Arabia in the Yemeni civil war. Candidate Trump, who consistently voiced his displeasure with the Iraq War, has surrounded himself with generals still intent on finding military solutions where none exist.

Neocon critics believe the world is black and white. You’re either Churchill or Chamberlain. You’re either with us or against us. You’re either a patriot or an isolationist.

The irony is that the neocons are the TRUE isolationists. The neocons wish to isolate and forbid trade with regimes that they disapprove of. The neocon policy toward Cuba is the very definition of isolationism.

For over half a century, we’ve had an embargo with Cuba. Not only did the Castros survive it, but they milked it for everything it was worth. The Cuban government stoked the flames of nationalism in Cuba and blamed America for anything that went wrong, rather than the true culprit—their own dogmatic socialism.

The isolationist neocons want to continue this embargo. They want to peel back the small diplomatic gains that have been made. They want to pare back cultural exchange and dialogue.

The opposite, free travel and trade, is what is needed.

Our founders understood the perils of perpetual war.

John Quincy Adams echoed and summed the spirit of the foreign policy of our founders when he said:

America goes not abroad in search of monsters to destroy. She is the well-wisher to the freedom and independence of all. She is the champion and vindicator only of her own.

Far from being isolationist, the foreign policy of our Founders is the true engagement. To seek honest friendship, free commerce, open dialogue and peaceful engagement with all who are willing.

Libertarian realists agree.

We do not seek to retreat within our borders—nor do we seek to expand them.

We do not seek a wall to keep everyone out, nor to keep anyone in.

Too often the United States has attempted to till the soil in foreign lands with our bombs and plow it with our tanks.

Instead, we should seek to help others till their land with our tractors and reap their harvest with our combines.

The neocons argue that Americans want a more robust foreign policy. Maybe, but at the same time, Americans have also been increasingly clear that they are tired of constant war.

Reagan had it right when he said “our reluctance for conflict should not be misjudged as a failure of will.”

In fact, restraint is a triumph of will.

After the debacles of Iraq and Libya, after becoming weary of a drawn-out mission in Afghanistan, the American people are looking for a new path for foreign policy.

America should steer clear of other countries civil wars, such as Yemen.

We should not be in wars where the best outcome is stalemate, as we are in Afghanistan.

And America shouldn’t fight wars that are not authorized by Congress.

Admittedly, the War on Terror is not over, but any military action must be judged by this question: will this use of force kill more terrorists than it creates?

Refueling Saudi bombers mid-air and supplying them with bombs that are dropped on a funeral procession is exactly the kind of misguided policy that creates more terrorists than it kills.

To defend our country properly, we must understand that while there are those that hate our values, military interventions aimed at changing that at the point of a gun—or the blast radius of a bomb—may well exacerbate this hatred rather than end it.

We need a foreign policy that recognizes its own limits, a common sense realism of strength, limited action, full diplomatic engagement and free trade.

Here’s how I see the most important principles of this foreign policy.

First, the use of force must always be on the table, but rarely used. War should be the last resort, not the first.

War is necessary when America is attacked or directly and clearly threatened, and when we have exhausted all measures short of war.

The second principle is that Congress, the people’s representative, must authorize the decision to intervene.

The most serious decision we make as a nation is to send our sons or daughters to war. We should make it together, and we should vote on it.

Finally, how do we solve non-military challenges in places like Asia and Eastern Europe?

That’s where the third principle comes in – a firm, full commitment to diplomacy and leadership.

Hysteria over election-meddling threatens to reignite the Cold War.

Russia, at times, is our adversary, but it need not be our permanent enemy.

Whether it is the threat of ISIS, or the situations in Iran and Syria, it would be in our interest to work together with Russia where possible, yet this opportunity is slipping by. Obsession with Russian “collusion” or other conspiracies involving the Kremlin and the administration have frozen the narrative and hampered what I believe to be the president’s good instincts on the proper relationship with Russia.

Before I close, let me talk about the last piece of the puzzle for a strong foreign policy—our own economic strength.

Adm. Mike Mullen properly noted that the biggest threat to our national security is our debt.

A bankrupt nation does not project power, but weakness.

Our national debt now exceeds $20 trillion. Trillion dollar annual deficits have returned.

Our overseas adventures are causing us to be stretched thin, and Republicans have pushed for, and received, a massive military spending increase.

Despite Congressional hostility, I have asked the question: is our military budget too small or is our mission too big?

I believe, without question, it is the latter. Our mission has become too large. Years after completing our mission in Afghanistan, America remains—spending $50 billion a year nation-building. We are adding debt at nearly $2 million per minute.

If we’re not careful, we will spend our way into second-tier nation status quickly.

If the long war is to ever end, we must understand what must take its place.

It isn’t just religion, nor even abject poverty, that motivates those seeking a better life. It is often the simple idea of freedom that we in the west take for granted.

Mohammed Bousazizi, the Tunisian street merchant who set himself on fire and began the Arab Spring, was an aspiring entrepreneur foiled by an overbearing government.

He had a dream. He’d save for a truck, and he’d sell his wares on the streets to build a life.

Cronyism and overbearing government stifled his dream. He set himself on fire, and the flames are still burning.

My great grandfather came to America with a dream not unlike Bousazizi’s. He peddled vegetables until he saved enough to purchase a truck, to become what was then logically called a truck-farmer. Over time he was able to purchase a home, then a small bit of land.

My grandfather didn’t need a permit or a license. No government hindered his success.

Peruvian economist De Soto spoke to Bousazazi’s father and asked him if he left a legacy. He replied, “Of course, he believed even the poor had a right to buy and sell.”

To own one’s labor and the products of one’s labor is a fundamental human right.

To trade one’s labor and products is also a fundamental right.

Strangely, neocons and libertarians likely agree that government should largely leave us free to pursue our dreams. Neocons, however, feel some universal calling to liberate humanity. Libertarians want the same liberty for individuals across the globe but think that ‘spreading liberty’ through perpetual war can only occur with a big government that tramples individual liberty.

When you boil it all down, the dilemma is whether liberty spreads best by persuasion or force.

And going one step further, one must ask if the government can maintain its character as a defender of individual liberty if the government must large enough to support perpetual war.

This was the great battle fought between William F. Buckley and Murray Rothbard in the early 1960’s. Everyone thinks Buckley’s National Review won hands down. And yet, Buckley himself ended up doubting the wisdom of the Iraq War.

The schism that divides neocons and libertarian realists will heal when the neoconservatives finally acknowledge that a government big enough to “make the world safe for democracy” is inconsistent with individual liberty.

When neoconservatives accept that a government large enough to fight perpetual war requires taxes and debt so extensive as to be to inconsistent with individual liberty – then will the schism heal.

When that time comes, libertarians and neoconservatives will gather in Williamsburg and raise a pint to our common heroes: Jefferson, Paine, Madison, and yes, even John Adams. That will be a glorious time, a time when liberty is no longer divided and we can all celebrate the great American experiment in Liberty.

[junker-town]

The Titans have been secretly fun FOR MONTHS

The Titans’ surge began when they switched to Ryan Tannehill at quarterback.

Tennessee’s been a low-key must-watch team since October.

The Titans don’t really make sense as a conference finalist in 2020. Their starting quarterback has thrown for 160 total yards in two playoff wins. Only one player on the roster had more than 43 catches during the regular season. Their defense is anything but dominant, ranking smack-dab in the middle of most efficiency ratings and finishing 21st in yards allowed this fall.

But buried underneath two of the NFL’s most pass-heavy offenses in the conference championship games is Tennessee, capable of grinding the bones of your favorite team into dust. The Titans went from early-season afterthought to the doorstep of an NFL title opportunity thanks to Ryan Tannehill (a quarterback the Dolphins didn’t want), the broad shoulders of tailback Derrick Henry, and a roster with 51 other guys ready to step up and make a play — and then roast their opponent afterward.

Along the way, they’ve beaten the reigning Super Bowl champion, this season’s Super Bowl favorite, and already have a win against the AFC’s preseason Super Bowl favorites — a Chiefs team they’ll face Sunday in the AFC Championship Game. Tennessee is one win from its first Super Bowl appearance since Kevin Dyson came up one yard short of the end zone in 2000.

The Titans’ presence as one of the NFL’s last teams standing may have come as underdogs, but it’s not surprising. They have been doing this since October.

Tennessee hasn’t looked back since one major change back in October

The Titans didn’t look like a playoff team early in 2019. They looked like a speed bump on a better team’s road to the Super Bowl.

Mike Vrabel’s offense sputtered through a four-game stretch in which Tennessee went 1-3 and scored seven points or fewer in all three losses. The nadir was a 16-0 smothering at the hands of the Broncos — a valley that also proved the foundation from which the team’s AFC title game run was built.

That lack of firepower necessitated a change at quarterback. Marcus Mariota was out. Ryan Tannehill, rescued from the Dolphins for a swap of Day 3 picks (and with a heavily restructured contract) was in. The difference the new passer made was undeniable — and it wasn’t just through the air. Over the next 11 weeks, Tennessee would turn a 2-4 start into a 9-7 record and a wild card berth.

The Titans had averaged just 290.5 yards per game of total offense through Week 6 (27th-best in the NFL), Tannehill’s presence pushed that number to 406.2 yards per contest (third-best, behind only the Cowboys and Ravens). Under Mariota, the offense had failed to crack 200 passing yards three times in six games to start the season, all of which were losses. Tannehill‘s offense did the same just three times in Tennessee’s final 10 games. Each was a Titan victory.

Around this time, Tennessee became fun as hell

A once-unwatchable team had become one of the league’s most exciting, even if the Titans’ ascendance wasn’t yet obvious to the NFL world at large. Tannehill’s leveled-up intermediate passing game led to a win in his first start against the Chargers and began A.J. Brown’s transformation into a potential offensive rookie of the year winner. Three weeks later, Henry stamped his arrival across the league’s forehead with a 188-yard performance in a comeback win over the Chiefs.

There was more to this team than just a few wins and an unlikely turnaround. Tennessee was getting contributions from everyone across the roster.

In Week 12, the Titans gave a 320-pound lineman a touchdown catch and were rewarded for their valiance with a beautiful shotgunning celebration:

Open up the cooler for the boys! #JAXvsTEN#BudLightCelly | @budlight pic.twitter.com/5DmJtbFq0s

— Tennessee Titans (@Titans) November 24, 2019

Brown, now looking like a legit Offensive Rookie of the Year frontrunner, became an elite deep threat. He’d have nine plays of 40+ yards in 16 games, including a 91-yard touchdown catch that helped scatter the ashes of the Raiders’ playoff hopes to the wind.

RYAN TANNEHILL THROWS FOR 391 YARDS AND THREE TUDDYS, KING HENRY HAS ONE HAMSTRING AND STILL SCORES TWICE, AJ BROWN DOES AJ BROWN THINGS, THE DEFENSE SHUTS OUT THE RAIDERS IN THE SECOND HALF AND THE TENNESEE TITANS ARE THE HOTTEST TEAM IN THE LEAGUE pic.twitter.com/tCBht6WLKo

— 2nd & Victory (@2ndandVictory) December 9, 2019

By the start of December, Tannehill and Henry had put the Titans right in the thick of the AFC playoff race by smashing the Colts and Jaguars into pieces. He’d turned young players like Jonnu Smith and Kalif Raymond into trusted playmakers and gave defenses few easy choices in coverage.

Even when Tannehill struggled, he found ways to make up for it — like when he trucked defensive lineman Maurice Hurst after an interception, then led Tennessee to a 42-21 win.

Ryan Tannehill with the HIT STICK pic.twitter.com/gYnQEjL1Gq

— Sam Monson (@PFF_Sam) December 8, 2019

Tannehill was outweighed by at least 84 pounds and still threw every ounce of his weight into that hit. If the rest of the roster wasn’t behind him before then, they certainly were after seeing how much he’d sacrifice for his team.

That effort bled into the defense, where 15 different players had sacks and 18 batted down passes. It bled into special teams, where a blocked field goal at the end of regulation preserved a 35-32 win over the very team Tennessee will face in the AFC Championship.

the Titans get the FG block (!), beat the Chiefs (!!), and now the Raiders are a half-game away from the top of the AFC West (!!!) pic.twitter.com/cpuUpcgLl9

— Christian D'Andrea (@TrainIsland) November 10, 2019

That run built confidence for the Titans’ playoff success

There was a certain swagger that came with this kind of under-the-radar excellence.

Tennessee was playing for a coach willing to swap his most male piece of anatomy for another Super Bowl ring. Henry had gone from the league’s 12th-leading rusher during the Titans’ 2-4 start to the 2019 yardage king, so he got a crown to go with it. After beating the Patriots in Gillette Stadium — just New England’s first home playoff loss since 2013 — the team celebrated in the locker room like they knew the outcome before the game had even been played.

That game came to a finish after Logan Ryan potentially ended Tom Brady’s Patriots career on a pick-six. Brett Kern made sure he didn’t have to run very far to get there with an absolute banger of a punt moments before.

_charlieluke_: Brett Kern pins the Patriots at their own 1 yard line with a perfect punt CBS CBS 2 News at 11 https://t.co/4qdnqD0XHo pic.twitter.com/jvNQJVRa0J

— FanNewsClips (@FanNewsClips) January 5, 2020

That kind of confidence is how, one week later, you get Tajae Sharpe poking fun at Pro Bowl running back Mark Ingram moments after escorting the Ravens out of the playoffs.

A special introduction for @KingHenry_2 — by @Show19ine of @Titans pic.twitter.com/Ygb5J3aqnX

— Jim Wyatt (@jwyattsports) January 12, 2020

Now they’ve got to take that swagger to Kansas City — and then, potentially, to Miami for Super Bowl 54.

In the last three months, Tannehill has played like an MVP, Henry has evolved into the most dangerous tailback in the NFL, and a group of overlooked receivers and tight ends has given Tennessee the leverage to grind opponents into dust or slice them in half with big plays downfield. The Titans’ defense has gotten in on the action as well. Despite getting outgained in each of their playoff games, that unit held the Patriots and Ravens — the latter the NFL’s top offense — to just 25 total points this postseason.

The Titans’ surge was all exceptionally exciting and, honestly, fairly unexpected. It set a stage where Tannehill and Henry could rely on a handful of overlooked teammates to help pave their road to the AFC title game. Tennessee wasn’t just winning games after demoting Mariota — it also became one of the most exciting teams on television each Sunday.

Of course, being watchable and fun doesn’t always equal successful. The Titans punched above their expected weight class to end the Patriots’ and Ravens’ seasons. They’ll be underdogs for a third straight week when they take on the Chiefs in Kansas City.

Given 2019’s turnaround, that’s probably just how they want it.

[junker-town]

The 5 most fireable NFL coaches right now

Photo by Don Juan Moore/Getty Images

Jay Gruden was the first. He won’t be the last.

The NFL’s coaching carousel has already seen one man ejected from his horse. Jay Gruden, once good enough to make Washington not terrible, was decidedly no longer the man for that job in 2019. He was fired after an 0-5 start that dropped his career coaching record to 35-49-1.

While Gruden was an easy sacrifice to the coaching gods — he’d never won more than nine games in a season and entered the year with the shortest odds to be the first man axed this fall — he won’t be the only one. 2019 has been the backdrop to some truly awful football. Some of this has been by design, but some has been the result of undermanned rosters, poorly planned strategies, and awful execution.

The teams that fall into the latter category will be looking for new options to man their sidelines. As we saw last offseason with the Cardinals and Steve Wilks, a “this is my first year here” excuse won’t necessarily save a struggling coach. Rookie and veteran playcallers alike could wind up on the chopping block as their franchises search for a scapegoat and a fresh start.

So whose seats are growing hottest now that the 2019 season is more than halfway done?

5. Doug Marrone, Jaguars

The Jags have stayed afloat in the AFC South, but Jacksonville remains chasing its 2017 standard in a season it has yet to break through to the sunny side of .500. Marrone is just 9-16 in the season-plus since Blake Bortles stood one quarter from the Super Bowl. Another underwhelming year could convince owner Shad Khan he’s not the right man for the job.

The Jaguars have outperformed expectations on offense, surviving and occasionally thriving despite the early loss of prized free agent Nick Foles behind center. Any unexpected gains from rookie Gardner Minshew have been negated by a step back from a defense that went from a top-five unit in 2018 to a middle-of-the-road group this season. Jacksonville has given up an average of 25 points per game in its five losses. Each of its four wins have come against teams with losing records.

Marrone’s been dealt his share of setbacks, including Foles’ Week 1 collarbone injury and Jalen Ramsey’s trade request and subsequent shipping to Los Angeles. He’s also made some notable positive gains as well — he’s kickstarted Leonard Fournette’s career after two inefficient seasons and built Josh Allen into a defensive rookie of the year candidate. The toughest part of the team’s schedule is over, leaving room for a returning Foles to rally this team back to the postseason.

Marrone’s job may depend on it.

4. Pat Shurmur, Giants

Shurmur carved out some breathing room after his switch from Eli Manning to Daniel Jones at starting quarterback. That helped push New York out to 2-2 to begin the season. Those pluses have been wiped clean as the Giants have spiraled back toward the bottom of the NFC. Shurmur’s job security depends on his ability to develop general manager Dave Gettleman’s prized 2019 draft pick. In his past five games, Jones has been responsible for six interceptions and seven fumbles for a team that has ungracefully bowed out of the playoff discussion.

That lack of efficient quarterback play has torpedoed the rest of the New York offense. Saquon Barkley has only averaged three yards per carry since Shurmur made the transition from Eli Manning to Jones. Although a sprained ankle has played a role in that decreased impact, opposing defenses have had little trouble loading up the box to cut off his runs and daring Jones to torch them deep. With the exception of a four-touchdown game in a loss to the Lions, Jones has struggled to turn these opportunities into big plays.

The Giants’ defense, 28th in yards allowed, has been as bad as expected. That’s something New York can live with in a rebuilding year, but a lack of growth from Jones is not. Shurmur rebuilt his reputation as a quarterback’s best friend while coaching Sam Bradford and Case Keenum to career-best performances in Minnesota. Jones made draft prognosticators look bad through his first two starts; he’s thrown for 5.9 yards per pass in the five games since. If Shurmur can’t make Jones look more like the former than the latter, the Giants won’t have much use for him.

3. Freddie Kitchens, Browns

The Browns took a big risk by promoting Kitchens from interim offensive coordinator to head coach last offseason. While the good-natured assistant was a locker room-pleasing sign of continuity following 2018’s 5-3 finish, he’d never been hired to be a full-time coordinator at any prior stop in his coaching career.

The first half of his head coaching debut indicates he wasn’t ready for any of this. The Browns are worse in the first half of 2019 (2-6) than they were a year ago when they fired Hue Jackson (2-5-1). A defense loaded with young stars has given up 20 points or more to every team it’s faced except the hapless Jets.

Kitchens changed his offense radically to build around Odell Beckham Jr. That unit has combined for seven receiving touchdowns in eight games. He turned Baker Mayfield into a meme.

The Browns entered 2019 primed to leave their unfortunate legacy behind. Instead they’ve regressed back to the Cleveland mean; a team where potential never equals production and the playoffs are a luxury reserved for rivals. Kitchens can write a bad first half of the season off as the result of first-time mistakes — and there have been several — if he can finish his rookie campaign on a high note.

He’ll keep his job through the season at least. If he rides the Browns back to the AFC basement, however, the franchise could wind up looking for a do-over on its most recent coaching hire.

2. Dan Quinn, Falcons

The Falcons have had a former NFL MVP at quarterback for most of the season, one of the league’s most powerful 1-2 combinations at wideout between Julio Jones and Calvin Ridley, and a defense built around stars like Deion Jones, Grady Jarrett, and Vic Beasley. And yet Atlanta has exactly as many wins (one) as a Dolphins team that long ago decided victory wasn’t in its best interest in 2019.

Quinn has a few weeks to show signs of life, lest his legacy as the Falcons’ head coach be defined by 28-3. His team may be this season’s biggest disappointment; Atlanta was favored to finish its season with nine wins or more back in August and is currently on pace for ... two. The fifth-year coach’s response to this slow start and the loss of Matt Ryan (temporary due to an ankle injury) and Mohamed Sanu (permanently, due to a trade with the Patriots) was to shuffle up his coaching staff without firing or hiring anyone.

That’s effectively rearranging furniture in one of those mock-up homes the U.S. Army built on their old nuclear testing grounds. Five of Atlanta’s final eight games are against teams with winning records, which suggests the Falcons could at least get a top-three draft pick from a season set to end with a coaching search.

1. Adam Gase, Jets

Gase, former Dolphins coach and offensive coordinator of the Broncos and Bears, is the architect behind a Jets team that’s scored eight offensive touchdowns in eight games. His New York squad ranks 31st in points scored and 32nd in yards gained while being the only team in the league to lose a game to the tank-tastic Dolphins.

The problem goes beyond the box score. Sam Darnold, who’d piloted New York in its only win in a Week 6 victory over the Cowboys, has regressed badly since then. He’s thrown eight interceptions in his last three games, including some that make zero sense whatsoever:

Boneheaded decision here by Sam Darnold. What in the world. (via @NFL)pic.twitter.com/H1Zb9qGUjC

— NFL Update (@MySportsUpdate) November 3, 2019

The Jets’ dysfunction hasn’t been limited to just what’s happened on the field, either. Gase was reportedly unhappy with the team’s decision to sign Le’Veon Bell last offseason — a move made by former general manager Mike Maccagnan, who would be fired months later. He’s made that a self-fulfilling prophecy, as Bell has seen his usage plummet under his new head coach and been entirely average in green and white. The team also alienated Pro Bowl safety Jamal Adams in the run-up to the trade deadline by listening to trade offers for him.

Just about everything about the Jets is a mess. Removing Gase from the mix would clear some of the debris for a club that’s still trying to figure out exactly where the foundation it should build on is located. The first-year coach could get another chance to replicate the dizzying success he’d found as head coach of the Dolphins (final record: 23-25). But it’s more likely 2019 winds up being a total write-off for New York.