#also when chris was at the station??? the way bobby took care of him??? that’s his grand baby idc I DO NOT CARE | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

toosicktoocare · 4 years ago

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emergency contact

pt 1 of 2 and also found on ao3!

(i promise i’m not ignoring my prompts- this idea just kinda popped into my head)

“Hi, may I speak with Mr. Evan Buckley?”

Frowning, Buck pulls the phone away from his ear. He doesn’t know the number; however, the area code is local, so he can probably rule out a scam call. At least, he thinks, the woman on the other line sounds very much real and not a robotic recording about to lead in with a cruise ship he didn’t sign up for.

“Uh, yeah. This is Buck—I mean Evan. This is Evan Buckley.” He clears his throat. He can hear a lot of background noise—a lot of muffled speaking, intercoms crackling. He’s heard it before, but he’s struggling to equate the noise to a particular memory, only having a small rock of dread burrowing low in his stomach to go by.

“Hi, Mr. Buckley. I’m Nurse Johns at LA General. I have you listed as the second emergency contact for Christopher Diaz.”

Buck’s stomach bottoms out, leaving him nauseous, weightless, and far too cold despite the LA sun beating in through his window and warming his bed. He shivers and forces himself upright in bed, muscles rigid, jaw a tense, jutted line.

“His father,” Buck starts into the phone, shaky, “Eddie—Edmundo Diaz—”

“—didn’t answer. You’re next on the list. Sir, if this is incorrect, I’ll need to move on to the next person—”

“—no!” Buck jerks to his feet, nudging abandoned clothes around with his foot until he finds a pair of gym shorts. “I’m… His father’s on a shift with the LAFD. Is Chris okay? What’s going on?” Composure, he thinks, is out the window. Then again, he’s never been capable of the whole ‘cool, calm, and collected’ thing when it comes to Chris. He snags the same shirt he tossed to the floor when he climbed into bed this morning after his 24-hour, a short-sleeved, blue shirt, and slips it over of his head, careful of his phone.

“Sir, I can’t disclose that over the phone.”

“Right,” Buck mutters, nodding more to himself. “I’m on my way now. Tell Chris—tell him Bucky’s on the way, okay?” He ends the call, taking the steps down from his loft two at a time. He’s only faintly aware that he’s shaking, and the rock of dread’s grown triple in size and sits heavily against his gut. He fumbles with his keys, pockets his wallet, and just remembers to slip on a pair of sandals. If he weren’t moving against a rush of fear, he’d take the time to give a mental ‘look who’s laughing now’ to everyone who’s made fun of the sandals in the last two months since he purchased them, but, the fear is a cold hand that’s pulling on him, disrupting his thoughts, chiseling against his composure.

He doesn’t dwell. He races out of his apartment, and in seconds, he’s in his jeep and whipping out of his parking spot. He knows LA well, knows the traffic patterns, and he’s unfortunately hitting lunch rush, which, he thinks, is probably similar to some twisted second layer of hell. He wishes, more than anything in this second, that he had an engine, that he could dominate the road with the power of a siren, but his jeep will have to suffice. Still, his grip on his steering wheel is tight, his knuckles fading white, when he hits the first of many red lights.

He uses hands-free to call Eddie, not surprised to get his voicemail after only two rings.

“Eddie! Chris is in the hospital—They didn’t give me any details, and I’m on my way now. They called you first. I’m next on the list?” Buck pauses briefly on that, gets lost in that fact, but then he shakes his head. “Look, he’s at LA General—just get there when you can, okay?”

He ends the calls, somehow feeling even worse, and then he tries Bobby. Logically, he knows that if Eddie’s not answering, Bobby probably won’t either. Still, when he’s teetering on the edge of panic, Bobby can talk him down, can ease him safely back to the present.

“Buck?”

Buck’s foot slips a little too hard on the gas, and he sucks in a sharp breath. “Bobby? Bobby! Where’s Eddie?”

“Currently? He’s probably making his way back to a second story window, hopefully with one of the victims of an expansive house fire.” A pause. “What’s going on, Buck?”

Buck peers around, swallows back a groan at the cars on every side of him. “Look, can you get Eddie to LA General ASAP?”

“You’re at LA General? Are you hurt?”

“No! I mean, I will be, but it’s not me—it’s Christopher. Bobby, I don’t…” Buck sighs, drags a free hand down his face. He can feel his lungs constricting. The pressure of panic’s a bitch.

“They didn’t say anything over the phone. They tried Eddie first, and then they called me. I’m—”

“—Buck, take a breath. I’ll get Eddie there as soon as possible. You be careful driving there, okay? Keep us updated.”

Buck comes back down to earth with a low breath that’s been trapped in his lungs. “Thanks, Bobby,” he says, and he means it, pushing his gratitude hard into the two words. The call ends, and Buck forces his focus onto the road, onto making it to the hospital in one piece because Christopher needs him.

***

Concussion.

It’s the only word Buck keeps coming back to. He’s being led down hallways that are too bright, too loud, and annoyingly familiar, and the nurse is explaining that Christopher took a tumble at school and is currently being monitored for a possible concussion. Buck nods when appropriate, offers a few non-verbal affirmatives, and then he’s stopping before two large, glass windows, and behind them, Chris is sitting in bed chatting with another nurse. His hand finds the glass, fingers spread out, anxiety spread even to his palms.

“You’re welcome to go in. We’ve told him you’re coming.”

Buck nods absently. He’s going to go in—of course, he’s going to go in. He just needs to take a single second to fully capture the image of Christopher alive and breathing in his mind, an image that can break through the muddle, clear his head, bring breath back to his lungs.

“Mr. Buckley?”

“Sorry,” Buck mutters, nodding. He turns when the nurse opens the door for him, and he wills away any and all fear etched deep in his face the second he crosses over into the room.

“Bucky!”

“Chris!” Buck’s no stranger to concussions, so though animated, he keeps his voice soft, and he walks toward the end of the bed, glancing at the clipboard. “How’re you feeling, bud?” He asks, satisfied to see that the doctor’s notes are promising.

“My head hurts.”

“I bet it does,” Buck mutters, sympathetic, and he drops onto the edge of the bed, one hand resting atop Christopher’s covered knee. “What happened?”

“Me and Caleb were playing firefighter, and I fell down a step.”

Buck sucks in a sharp breath, holds it in his lungs to brace for the familiar wave of guilt that’s soon to tangle in his breath, jab past his rib cage to his lungs. “Is that so?” He settles for, breathless, and Christopher’s face falls, his eyes dropping to his lap.

“Don’t tell dad. He’ll get mad.”

“Chris—”

“—Mr. Buckley, I presume?”

Buck’s never been more thankful for a doctor to walk in for he wasn’t sure how to unpackage Christopher’s quiet plea in a way that wouldn’t be considered as overstepping Eddie’s parental authority but also in a way that wouldn’t have Christopher demanding he leave.

“Uh, yeah—It’s Buck.”

“Okay, Buck. Want the good news?”

“Will it be followed by bad news?” Buck asks, one brow arched, stomach twisting. “Because his father—”

“—no bad news today,” the doctor interrupts, and Buck huffs out a quiet sigh of relief and gives Christopher’s knee a squeeze. He gives a nod, and the doctor plucks the clipboard up.

“Christopher’s been cleared of a concussion. He’s got a few scrapes and bruises, and his head will probably hurt for a few more hours, but otherwise, he’s fine. I’ll leave a note at the front desk to begin the discharge papers. He should be out within the hour.”

“Thanks, Doc,” Buck mutters, and he nods when the doctor and nurses exit, giving him space to breathe; though, he’s not sure how much he can actually breath encompassed in four, blinding walls that bring back a pressing dark cloud of memories.

“Buck?”

Buck blinks slowly, peels his gaze from the door to see Christopher smiling softly at him, poking at his side.

“Can you lay with me?”

Buck eyes the small bed, mentally works round the best way to squeeze in, to maximize Christopher’s comfort, and he slips his sandals off and climbs onto the bed, impossibly gentle when he adjusts Chris. When he’s got Christopher against his chest, he sighs, and Christopher sighs with him, content, safe.

***

“That’s the last of them, Cap,” Eddie coughs lightly, tugs his helmet off. His lungs burn faintly from smoke inhalation. It’s not bad by any means, but he’s dabbling with the idea of having Hen look him over anyway.

“Should I help with fire…” Eddie’s words trail off when the 122 pulls up onto the scene, their members already hopping out of the engine and working the hose. “Was backup necessary?” He glances back over his shoulder. Sure, the fire’s large, but he doesn’t think it’s classified as a level high enough to warrant local support.

“Are you okay?”

Eddie whips back around, squints at Bobby. “Yeah, why?”

“Let me clarify: are you okay to leave the scene right this second, or do you need to a look-over now?”

Eddie’s still struggling to read Bobby’s tone for it’s always frighteningly composed, even in the face of emergency. “I’m okay now.” He nods slowly, and then Bobby’s turning on his heel and wordlessly gesturing him toward the engine.

He slips into the back, pausing to see Bobby sitting in the back with him, stationed across from him.

“Cap, what—”

“—have a seat.”

Eddie sits slowly, slips his headphones on, and then the engine’s roaring to life beneath him and pulling away from the scene. He’s alone with Bobby because Hen and Chimney left earlier with a patient, and he can’t shake the feeling that he’s in trouble for something. He replays his actions at the house fire, yet he can’t find an error that would warrant a private conversation with Bobby.

“Buck called,” Bobby finally says, and Eddie drags his gaze from the cars moving onto the road shoulders, now finally tuning in to the fact that the sirens are wailing overhead still, the engine demanding the street with the shrill sounds and flashing lights. The sirens shouldn’t be on unless…

“Is he okay?”

“Buck’s fine. The hospital called him because Christopher was brought in. They tried you, and he was next on the emergency contact list.”

There’s dread, Eddie thinks. Dread when he rides up to a call and gathers the first, initial assessment of the situation. And then there’s bone-deep, crippling fear—fear that twists in his gut, pools into his lungs, walls around his heart. It drains the blood from his face, freezes his muscles, steals his breath, and buries his mind in a series of what if scenarios that range from grim to downright terrifying.

“Eddie, breathe.”

He does, but only because his mind is trained to respond on command to Bobby’s voice. The breath he sucks in his short and cold, and he finally reaches in his pocket for his phone. He’s got four missed calls, three voicemails, and a series of texts from Buck, all fairly close in time to the other.

He goes through the texts—he won’t be able to hear the voicemails right now, and he really doesn’t think he’ll be able to stomach Buck’s panicked, broken voice.

[From: Buck] Chris is okay. He fell at school and hit his head

[From: Buck] no concussion. Doc said he can be discharged within the hour

[From: Buck] I’ve checked him over. There’s a bruise on his side I want to keep an eye on but otherwise he’s okay

[From: Buck] we should talk about why he fell

[From: Buck] but not until later! Sorry that last text sounded weird…

[From: Buck] discharge in 20 minutes. I’ll bring him back to yours if you aren’t able to come yet. I still have the spare key you gave me

He’s blinks around the tears pooling in his eyes, swallows thickly. “Buck said he’s okay. He fell at school.” He’s aware his voice is shaking, and then Bobby claps him on the knee.

“That’s a good thing.”

It is, Eddie thinks, swiping the back of his hand over his eyes. He works on his breathing, controlling it, counting breaths, but when they pull up to the hospital, the fear comes back, muted now, but still there, always there.

He hops out of the engine, Bobby not far behind, and in just seconds, a nurse is guiding them back. When he reaches the door and looks beyond the glass to see Christopher curled up against Buck’s chest, he breathes, deeply and fully, for the first time since he pulled himself up into the engine. Relief, he thinks, is the singular image of the two most important people in his life safe and together.

***

“Christopher!”

Buck whips his gaze from his phone where he’s got a story pulled up to read to Christopher, and he slowly turns Chris over just as Eddie rounds the bed and pulls Chris to his chest tightly. He notes, to himself, that Eddie’s in full turnout gear, that he’s got soot smudges on his face, that his jaw is a set, unwavering line jutting against his skin.

“Daddy!”

“¿Estás bien, hijo?”

“Sí.”

Buck wordlessly slips from the bed, toes his feet into his sandals. He crosses his arms and backs away from the scene, feeling all too overwhelmed, suddenly suffocated despite the brush of relief before him, and then Eddie’s looking toward him, frowning, eyes unreadable, and Buck offers a small smile.

“The discharge papers,” he motions toward a stack of papers on the end of the hospital bed. “I’ll bring my jeep around.”

“Wait, Buck—”

Buck slips out of the room, eyes cast to the ground, and he bumps right into someone, his hand coming up to fist around the turnout jacket and his head dropping against a shoulder.

“You okay, Buck?”

There are so many ways Buck wants to say no, but the one that’s most alarming, one that’s been a nagging twinge in his lungs, is the one he opts for. “I don’t think I can breathe.” His voice is breathless, and then Bobby’s guiding him with a hand to his back toward the nearest exit. The second he bursts through the double doors, he sucks in a sharp gasp that breaks way to a few coughs, and he’s being gently eased onto the edge of the sidewalk.

“Easy, Buck. Breathe with me, okay?”

Buck meets Bobby’s eyes, nods, and drags his gaze down to Bobby’s chest, watching the steady rise and fall, mimicking it, until the fog clouding his brain breaks, leaving him far too tired. His shoulders slump, and Bobby claps a hand to his shoulder.

“What’s going on?”

“I didn’t know…” Buck sighs, dropping his face into his palms. He can hear his therapist’s voice reminding him that he’ll feel better if he’s more open with others. “I’m really overwhelmed right now.” He can feel Bobby’s hand tighten around his shoulder, a wordless sign to continue. “Just… Getting that call that Chris is in the hospital really freaked me out. I know he’s fine, but just… He’s the last person I ever want to see in a hospital bed.”

“Now you know how I feel every time I get a call that you’re in the hospital.”

“Bobby,” Buck groans, lifting his head to match Bobby’s smile.

“You look tired—I don’t imagine you got much sleep before the call?”

“A few hours,” Buck admits, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Not sure I’ll get back to sleep anytime soon. I’m exhausted, but it’s definitely going to take some time for the adrenaline to die down.”

“Do you need me to take Eddie and Chris back?”

“Nah,” Buck drags himself up to his feet, yawning. “I’m going to need to physically see Christopher safe in bed before I can even think about unwinding.” He can see one of the engines not far off in the parking lot, and he laughs quietly. “Though, I bet Chris would love to be back in the truck.” He frowns at Bobby’s turnover gear. “Did you leave right after a call?”

“I requested the 122 to come in for backup.”

Nodding absently, Buck looks back toward the doors they came from, and he crosses his arms, fingers digging into the skin. He knows that he’s taken all necessary steps when faced with an abrupt situation, yet he can’t shake the underlining burn in his stomach that he overstepped, that he didn’t get here fast enough, that he should have added a step, or even removed one, when getting here.

“You did good today, Buck.”

His shoulders slump, tension falling with them, and he huffs out a low sigh.

“Thanks, Bobby.”

***

“You keep looking at him like he’s going to disappear.”

Buck jumps; he didn’t hear the shower cut off, nor did he hear Eddie slip into Christopher’s room behind him.

“I keep thinking he might,” Buck whispers, and Eddie tugs at his arm, urging him up from the chair he’s got pulled up to Christopher’s bed. He lets Eddie guide him from the room, but when Eddie tries to ease him onto the couch, he digs his heels into the floor, and Eddie turns to him, brows furrowed.

“Buck—”

“—when were you planning on telling me I’m second on Christopher’s list of emergency contacts?”

Buck doesn’t miss the deep, calculated sigh Eddie breathes, and he opts to remain standing when Eddie sinks down onto the couch, only watching wordlessly as Eddie runs fingers through his damp hair.

“It was Chris’s idea.”

Buck blinks slowly. “What?”

“After the tsunami. When we were leaving the hospital, he mentioned how you saved him. He said he wanted you to be the person who comes to save him again.” Eddie pauses, rubs smally at the shirt fabric just above his chest. “I resisted at first—I told Christopher we couldn’t ask something that big of you, but I’ve seen countless times since then how far you’ll go for him, so I called and had you added second on the list.”

Eddie takes in a low breath, and Buck’s mutely envious because he can’t do the same.

“If I can’t get to him, it needs to be you.”

Buck’s struggling to pick something to focus on. His heart wants to chase the heat of Eddie’s words, yet the guilt, as it always is, is an overpowering force that leaves him shaking his head, backing up until the back of his leg hits the coffee table.

“It can’t be me.” He watches Eddie’s face fall, but Eddie still nods, understanding even now.

“I get it. I should have asked first. I know it’s a big responsibility—”

“—what?” Buck shakes his head again, crosses his arms. “It’s not the responsibility. You know I would do absolutely anything for that kid. It’s the fact that it’s my fault he ended up in the hospital today.”

Eddie cocks his head to the side, lips in a firm line, and Buck knows this look well—it’s Eddie’s way of signaling for Buck to continue, knowing well that Buck will finish on his own, that he doesn’t need verbal prompts to guide him toward his point.

“He was playing firefighter with one of his friends at school, and he fell down a step.”

The silence that follows feels thick enough to clog Buck’s lungs. He wants to sit—his legs are shaking, but if he sits, he can’t flee as fast, and he just knows Eddie’s going to ask him to leave, to not come back. And, Buck thinks, Eddie should. Eddie should yell at him for filling Christopher’s mind with stories from work, for encouraging this imaginative behavior that dropped him onto a hospital bed.

“Is that it?” Eddie says instead, calm, and Buck frowns, jaw opening and closing, struggling for words.

“I mean, I’m waiting for the part where you tell me how this is your fault,” Eddie clarifies, and Buck sinks onto the coffee table at this, not trusting his legs to hold him upright.

“Eddie, I’m constantly telling him stories from work, glorifying the job, painting all of these verbal, detailed images that fill his mind and plant ideas.”

“And you think I don’t?”

“Eddie—”

“—Buck, we have the same job. If Chris asks me what I did at work, I tell him. I spare him the calls that don’t go in our favor, but otherwise, I tell him.”

Buck blinks slowly, mind operating around 30% capacity, and Eddie leans forward, cupping a hand to Buck’s knee.

“No one’s at fault. Kid’s got one hell of an imagination.”

“Wait, hold on. You’re not mad?” Buck expected yelling. He expected to get kicked out of Eddie’s house, and yet, Eddie’s calm before him, relaxed, a little tired around the edges, but he’s showing no signs that he’s seconds from blowing up.

“There’s nothing to be mad about.”

Buck can only blink at Eddie. He’s faintly aware that his eyes are watering, and then Eddie’s pulling him back up by the arm.

“Okay, we all know by now that you get sappy when you’re tired.”

Buck stops in the doorway when Eddie steps into the bedroom, watching as Eddie pulls back the covers and motions toward the bed. He shakes his head, one hand gripping tightly at the doorframe.

“Eddie, I’m not taking your bed. You should be with Chris. I’ll go—”

“—Chris will want you here when he wakes up. Plus, it doesn’t take but basic math to realize you’re working on only four hours of sleep after a 24, so you’d be doing everyone a favor by shutting up and getting in the damn bed.”

“Eddie.”

“Buck.”

Buck holds Eddie’s gaze, breaking it after a few, heavy moments with a weighted sigh. He shuffles toward the bed, kicking off his sandals and climbing in on the side farthest from the door, knowing that the side closest to the door is reserved for Eddie, to accommodate Eddie’s needs to be the first to act if something happens.

The bed is heaven against his sore body, and the second his head hits the pillow, he’s struggling to keep his eyes open. The adrenaline is fully fleeing now, leaving him exhausted to the core in more ways than one. He blinks slowly, watching as Eddie climbs into the other side of the bed, sighing loudly, and he rolls toward Eddie, studying the way Eddie gingerly rubs at his chest for the second time.

“You give your oxygen mask to someone during the house fire?” Buck asks around a yawn, and Eddie nods.

“It wasn’t for long.”

“You didn’t get checked over.” It’s not a question; Buck knows, based on the sight of Eddie arriving at the hospital looking rough for wear and donned in full gear, but Eddie still responds.

“No, but I’m fine.”

Buck forces himself up on one elbow, frown deep, brows furrowed. “You should get checked out now. I can call Hen—”

“—did you forget I was a field medic?” Eddie arches a brow, and Buck sinks back against the pillow.

“No, you always find a time to remind me. You can’t check yourself over, though.”

“And how many times have you ignored a fractured rib because you ‘checked yourself over?’” Eddie fires back, and Buck groans, draping an arm over his eyes.

They fall silent, and Buck’s body is urging him to give in to the fatigue draping over him. Still, he can’t fully settle. The adrenaline of the last hour and a half is a flame that’s almost completely burned out. Still, it flickers smally, and he rolls onto his side, watching Eddie.

“The bruise on Christopher’s side. We should—”

“—I looked, and we iced it until he fell asleep. Now, please shut up and sleep.”

#911 fox #9-1-1 fox #buddie #fanfic #hurt/comfort #fanfiction #evan buckley #Eddie Diaz #christopher diaz #Bobby Nash #whump #whumpfic #op is 100% not a dr #my writing #my 911 writing

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cadiebug · 3 years ago

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I'm very tired and totally out of it lately but I really want to write something. So hopefully in a couple of day's you guy's with see rest of whatever this is.

“I need to trade with someone.” Eddie rushed out, leaning slightly on the door. “For tonight, is there literally anyone that is open for a trade? I will work whenever; I just need tonight off.”

Bobby’s brows just knitted together in a way they usually did when he was confused. “Someone already traded, I thought- Hold on, let me look.” He opened his desk drawer and took out a bunch of papers, he flicked through them for a second clicking his tongue. “Yeah, um Diaz… Diaz, and Buckley.” He muttered looking up. “Yeah, I remember, Buck switched it last night when Chim mentioned you had to work a full moon shift.”

Eddie probably looked really stupid right now. “Buck-switched it?”

Bobby nodded. “Yeah, he’s taking a nap in the bunks right now.” He looked over at Eddie and tilted his head. “What’s so special about tonight?”

Eddie blinked, “Um- It’s Chris’ science fair.” He looked out the window and over at the people talking by the kitchen. “Didn’t Buck work a 24-hour, and then cover Alvez for overtime?” Bobby nodded. “Has he left the station in two days?”

Bobby blew out a breath of air and shook his head. “I had him do the coffee run, you know, change of scenery. I also made him take a nap which is probably the only reason he’s sleeping right now. I have Johnson babysitting him, to make sure he actually sleeps.”

Eddie rubbed his face with his hands and sighed heavily. “That’s just so…” He lets out a strangled laugh.

“Buck.” Bobby supplied. “You should talk to him.” He muttered as more of an afterthought.

“About which thing?” Eddie gave Bobby a look and Bobby gave a look right back.

About the fact that he needs to take better care of himself or the fact, you’re in love with him.

The words floated, unsaid between them, but Bobby’s look made it very clear that there needed to be a conversation. If they had to choose one to absolutely have, they should definitely have a talk about the first one.

#buddie #fic #911 on fox

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halinski · 3 years ago

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I have a lot of feelings about Buck, like don't even ask, I will never be able to put it into words or anything other than abstract feelings in this world

I just know this, Eddie loves Buck and Buck is ace and Taylor is a relapse ✌️

"You've been shutting me out."

It's ironic, Eddie thinks, that these exact words come now 20 minutes after the black out, which felt like maybe the world had shut down. They were stuck mid rescue in an elevator and well, the world had been such a whirlwind since he'd been shot, and this emergency and that- but now it had stopped. And they'd succumbed to their fate, sat down on the dingy elevator floor, bathed in a red back up light, the building silent around them. Out there, somewhere, a siren rang, and Buck sighed.

It was deep and heavy, like he was Atlas lifting the world off his shoulders for a break, something like relief, like that first deep shuddering breath when your lungs finally recovered from a run. It was way too heavy for a young man, barely thirty, who was finding himself. Eddie knew that Buck had been fighting lately. Mostly himself, but also his parents and past, and pushing past the boundaries of life that had been set around him. Then there was the shooting and Buck had truly been nerve-wrecked, Eddie was far from blind, and hell, he'd been a little preoccupied with figuring himself out, and recovering, letting go and paving the way for a future with no regrets- but he'd seen Buck. It was harder to look away at this point.

But he had, because the world had been spinning and Buck had been putting enough pressure on himself, becoming an uncle, and taking care of Chris with full abandon, and therapy and... Taylor. Eddie hadn't wanted to push too hard.

Now that they were here though, just the two of them...

Buck's looking at him, that irritated lost puppy stare, vulnerable and defiant all at once, like Eddie was the first to venture into certain spaces that made up Evan Buckley. It was a deliberant choice, at this point. Back in the beginning, he'd just reached out a hand and had been surprised to find an anchor to the world he'd never knew existed, and now he ventured further deliberately.

It hadn't been a question, and even so Buck looked ready to fight him, a last defensive wall, before he caved and those murky blue eyes dropped away. Full submission.

Eddie waited, opening up the room and hoping for his partner in crime and rescue to fill it and yet... Buck only shrugged weakly.

"Things have been..." He started half-heartedly, losing motivation half-way through and concluding with a disheartened, "busy." Eddie watched him busy himself with the callouses on his palm, picking and rubbing, as if he could erase the last few weeks of running himself ragged.

There had definitely been a lot less mentions of calls to Dr. Copeland lately, a lot of unfocused Buck, who was making himself smaller, less noticeable and quieter. Not that he was actually quiet, Eddie knew Buck could fill the building with vibrance for the benefit of everyone around within the blink of an eye. But his true emotions dwindled, where they'd slipped out before in shadows of an action, or an obvious plea hidden in drowning eyes - now he was more... Calculated.

And even now, Buck lifted his head again under Eddie's scrutiny in square-jawed surrender as if that was that to this conversation, there was nothing more to be done.

Eddie was not convinced. They'd gotten way too far, the two of them, to slip back down to the trenches in this mud slide. Eddie had found solid footing in his own world, and he was unafraid right here, under private eyes with the one person in the world he trusted most. Solid enough that he could stare right back at the nervous energy Buck was holding back and dare it.

What are you so afraid?

A question he had asked himself many sleepless nights, especially after Carla's little "follow your heart" speech, after he'd laid in bed, heart racing, hearing shots and all he wanted had been to-

All he'd wanted was safety, and he could've kept lying to himself, could've deliriously shouted at the universe that he didn't know where he could ever feel safe again, and yet his own body and heart had long gone betrayed him that day in the hospital just before he'd walked out, explicitly stating that he had signed his heart off to Buck a year ago. He couldn't even call it betrayal, because there wasn't a single cell in his body that doubted his decision, that doubted Buck. He just doubted... Himself.

And maybe that he'd be enough for Buck right now, still. He was so far from his best self, and yet better and more stable than he'd ever been. So he sat and he stared back, arms resting easily in his lap, and challenged.

"Why do you keep going back to her?"

Goddammit, Eddie, way to sound like the most jealous jerk in the world.

Buck winced, eyebrows seeming to ask 'really?' and 'what do you mean?' all at the same time and then shrugging again.

"Taylor?" He asked simply, biding time probably.

"Yeah," Eddie assured, the hum of the emergency light their only company as he waited for Buck to reply.

"She's the only one who really wants me," he said, but the tone of his voice wasn't right. Unconvinced. The admission to easily offered to ring true.

Eddie can't stop the snort of disbelief from escaping him. From all that he's heard about the rust-haired reporter... He couldn't imagine what Buck saw in her. He'd seen the effect of her words on him, saw Buck fall in line behind her with a bowed head, saw how the hurt now flared in Buck's face at his open faced challenge to that statement.

A part of Eddie wanted to grab Buck by the face and scream at him, can't you see?!

You're wanted whole-heartedly by me.

But Buck wasn't his to love yet, not really.

"Look, I don't know what you see on the outside but... She wants me. She chose me and I- what more could I ask for, you know? I'm... I'm working on it. On myself. And for now- this is it," Buck said, rattling it down like he was trying to work it into a checklist.

Eddie just wanted to know what 'it' was supposed to mean. But he nodded, because in a way it did make sense. The same way Ana had made sense, even though she absolutely didn't and he was glad that was over and he could laugh over that foolish affair now.

People had questioned his change of heart when he broke up with her during recovery, but when they'd realized he truly wasn't heartbroken and backsliding, they had taken it in full stride. A little misstep, no great scars taken (well except for the new bullet hole in his shoulder but that didn't really have anything to do with Ana, it just happened to be a part of the same journey heading toward a joined destination) and here they were at a pit stop.

The silence simmered between them, just somewhere right before the cliff, staggering before the precipice toward their comfort zone. It had always taken a little leap from both sides to get them to where they were today. Buck usually happens to fall into his without thinking much, just because he was ready to throw himself in dangers way or alternatively, rushing in out of sense of duty, and making it seem so, so very easy. The way he had walked into Eddie's house and kitchen, stepped right into his space and said: 'i'm here and I'm owning my mistakes because you're worth it' or something of the sort. All Eddie remembered was the care and the genuine emotion he'd felt and... The realization that he'd finally found home.

"It just feels like... You smile less when it comes to her." Eddie still did't really want to say her name. He wasn't about to go out blaming Taylor for all the times Buck was sad- it was just an observation. It took a lot to get Buck to giving up his smile. He hated that Taylor accepted a watered down version of him; bright, bold, and boasting Buck.

"Do I?" Buck asked, a furrowed crease appearing between his eyebrows, truly confused.

Eddie nodded.

"Relationships are always a compromise," Buck offered with a half-hearted twitch of his shoulder. "You know me. We're both pretty stubborn. We butt heads."

Buck flicked his wrist for a useless gaze at his watch. It made them none the wiser about the state of their rescue.

"Yeah, I know you," Eddie retorted gently. "Though, you do tend to have a point."

He could come up with a million examples. Eager, always ready to show up and make it work, Buck. How many times had he burrowed himself into Eddie's skin already with truths that stuck like thorns until Eddie accepted them into his bones.

All he wanted was to return the favor

The man granted him a small, crooked smile. It was crazy how much so little could mean to one person. Desperate, wounded, isolated Buck.

How Eddie wanted to tell him explicitly 'dont do what I did, kid, don't fall back into and habits at first chance just because you don't think you're worth anything else'- there were reasons why it didn't work in the first place. He'd learned the exact same lesson with Shannon. And God, the way Eddie had dragged Buck with him back then, for safety, as he had ranted to him and searched for the answers, only to make the same damn mistake.

That wasn't his life.

And Taylor wasn't Buck's. And Eddie knew this.

Knew from what Buck had told about her the first time she had been around, and from all that Eddie had heard about Buck's relationship to sex. It had turned into a joke at the station, oh, Buck and his self-diagnosed sex addiction, but Eddie recognized that worried little steeple on Bobby's forehead when he reminded everyone that that one therapist wasn't licensed to work for them anymore. But it went way deeper, didn't it?

Eddie knew about self-destructive behaviors. Not intimately. But he'd learned a lot about PTSD lately and adjacent behaviors. Buck and sex was a self-destructive bomb if he'd ever seen one.

And it was no coincidence that Taylor and Buck's relationship centered around physical intimacy.

Buck showed up where he was wanted or needed. They all knew that.

"Just... Make sure you get what you want too," Eddie said. "Put yourself first."

Cue the bewildered, insecure facial expression. Now and then Eddie wished he could hide Buck from the world. Shield him. For now all he could do was stand by.

"Because you'll always be wanted. Make sure the reasons are right for you. It has to be good for you."

And Eddie wouldn't be leaning so far out the window if Buck were to look him in the eyes and say 'nah it's not like that' but all he did was get quiet. Eddie couldn't leave him sitting like that, rearranging himself to stretch his legs out before they fell asleep and casually leaning his shoulder against Buck's.

"You're a good guy, Buck. You deserve only the best.

If you wanted Buck to hear you sometimes you had to get straight to the point.

Maybe one day Eddie could conquer his fear and say what he really wanted to say.

When they were both ready.

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agentdouble0 · 4 years ago

Text

I posted something HERE About Bobby going up to Eddie and slapping him and basically calling him an idiot. I had every intention to write a fic with him doing that. But instead, this happened.

Bobby knows something is brewing between Buck and Eddie the day they remove the grenade from Charlie’s leg. At first, he was worried because Buck was not exactly subtle in his distaste with Eddie. Then the grenade happened and all sudden they were inseparable, literally. Half the time on calls, they naturally just paired up. So, he sees the writing on the walls, the subtle looks and in some cases lingering looks. Then there is the lack of personal space and the fact that Buck has been helping Eddie Co-Parent Christopher. So, when Eddie mentions an Ana, he is genuinely confused and perhaps he read everything wrong. Except Buck and Eddie keep doing that thing where they look at each other.

So, when they have a moment, he has a whole speech prepared. Have hope it is okay to move on. Of course, you are always going to miss Shannon and perhaps always will. But that does not mean you should not give up on what’s in front of you. To miss out on something real, that could mean something. He doesn’t outright say Buck, but Eddie should know he’s talking about Buck. They spend an excessive amount of time together; he couldn’t be more straightforward than that. Besides why the hell would Eddie assume he’s talking about Ana, for god sakes he looks at Buck as if he hung the moon.

Except, Eddie goes out to breakfast with Ana and then he finds out about Buck’s failed date. And some of the members of the 118 have lost hope in their place in the bet. But Bobby isn’t deterred, and Hen remains determined. Chimney begs if he can back out and have his money back but then changes his mind, when the boys argue over who gets the net gun when they get a call about a turkey on the loose.

So, when Eddie mentions that he has another date lined up with her and that Buck is babysitting he has half a mind to strangle the man because, he’s got fifty bucks riding on this thing and really Eddie can’t be that obtuse and how can Buck also be missing the signs. Because Buck is now getting all cozy with Taylor and perhaps, they were all wrong, except they don’t stop with the eye contact and the touching. Then he hears about what happened with Christopher and he thinks to himself, “This is it, this is when they are going to realize that they love each other.” But then he hears about Eddie introducing Christopher to Ana and Buck is at his doorstep, shoulders hunched, and Bobby feels like he wants to punch someone. He loves Buck like a son and knows that Athena feels the same way. And seeing his son looking so heartbroken, hurts. “Buck,” he says softly.

“I uhh…I’m sorry,” Buck says, voice hoarse, “I didn’t know if-I’m..oh jeez Bobby I’m in love with Eddie and I am freaking out!”

Well crap. Now he feels a little ashamed about his spot in the 118 Buddie Bet.

He’s glad that May and Harry are with their dad before he embraces Buck in a hug and Athena is pulling Buck into the house and ushering him onto the couch. They both work in tandem, Athena covering Buck in a blanket and Bobby pushing a mug of hot cocoa into Buck’s hand. Buck doesn’t say a word, just stares a hole into the floor. “Buck, baby,” Athena says, “do you want to tell us what happened?”

Buck shakes his head, inhaling deeply before letting out a shaky breath. Then Buck is rambling, voice rising on the verge of sounding hysterical, “Do I have to right now, I don’t want to right now, I just figured this out right now and I think it’s always been there and now I don’t know what to do with information and I really just-”

“Buck, Buck!” Bobby yells alarmed, “It’s okay, it’s okay!” as he takes the mug from the man’s hands it to Athena and gathers Buck into his arms in a tight hug. He doesn’t much else, just lets the younger man let it all out. It doesn’t take long before he feels Buck’s breathing even out indicating that he’s fallen asleep. With some help from Athena, Bobby manages to slip out from under Buck and they lay him down onto the couch. Athena places a gentle kiss on Buck’s temple before covering him with a blanket and they both retire for the night.

Buck is gone before they wake up the next morning, the blanket folded on the couch with a note, laying on top: Sorry for coming in late and thank you for letting me stay the night. Please, please don’t tell anyone. Love, Buck. When Bobby tries to flag Buck down the next morning, he tells him, “I don’t want to talk about it, not right now.” So, Bobby leaves him alone and he watches as Buck pulls away from Eddie. And he watches Eddie’s face turn from confusion to sadness as the day drags on. Great, just great.

Hen and Chimney have noticed the tension and so have the other firefighters. Buck starts sitting next to Hen rather than Eddie when they sit down to eat. During calls Buck requests if he can drive, or even sit in the front seat. The last straw was Buck grabbing Chimney by the arm and dragging him down the stairs saying it was important, after he saw Eddie walking towards him. They all find out later that the very important topic was whether the baby would enjoy a stuffed giraffe or a stuffed elephant as from Uncle Buck. And this question is very important because this stuffed animal could be the baby’s best stuffed animal friend.

So, here they are now in the locker room, just Buck and Eddie. Anytime Buck tries to escape, Eddie anticipates his every move. They seem to be keeping their voices low, but Bobby can tell that Buck is wanting out, by the way his hands keep shaking at his side and opening and closing into a fist. “Come on Buck,” he can hear Eddie says as he jogs closer to the locker room, “just, can you tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it? Please?”

“It’s fine Eddie, it’s not you-”

“Oh, don’t give me that it’s not you it’s me bull shit!” Eddie shouts

“But Eddie, I swear it’s just, I got a lot going on and I just, I need time.”

“I get that, but Buck, you won’t even look at me or even sit next to me? Did I do something wrong?”

Buck shakes his head, “No, um you didn’t”

“Then why are you avoiding me? Is it because of what happened with Chris? I’m not mad about that”

“No, it's not about Chris-”

Bobby chooses that moment to enter, because he can see the panicked look in Buck’s eyes, “Hey, is everything okay?” Buck chooses that moment to escape, bolting out of the room.

“I think I lost my best friend, Cap,” Eddie whispers as he watches Buck go, “I don’t even know what I did wrong, he won’t talk to me.” Bobby stays silent and he watches as Eddie sulks out of the locker room.

Bobby learns that Eddie had broken up with Ana two days later when Eddie shows up at his doorstep, hands in his pocket looking lost. Damn these boys he thinks to himself as he lets Eddie into his home. “Tell me what happened?”

“I did what you said Bobby, I took a chance, and it blew up in my face. Chris was mad, then he liked her and now he doesn’t and Buck, he won’t even look at me or talk to me.”

The Captain sighs as he leads Eddie toward the dining table and orders him to sit down. Athena eyes the younger man suspiciously before turning to her husband. They share a silent conversation with their eyes and Athena knows why he’s here. She begins making some tea before handing Eddie a mug and Bobby one and seats herself down. “I took your advice Bobby, I put myself out there and it got me here. My son mad, Buck won’t even talk to me and Ana well she took the breakup well and I don’t even know how to process that too, in fact she seemed to know something I didn’t.”

“Eddie,” Bobby says, “you keep saying you took my advice, remind me again what did I say?”

“You said that I could miss out on a chance to have something else, something real.”

“Eddie,” Athena cuts in, “think really hard for a moment, perhaps Bobby didn’t mean Ana, perhaps he meant someone else.”

“Someone you already have in your life, someone else you already know,” Bobby adds in

“Buck,” Eddie whispers and suddenly he’s up like a shot out of the chair, “I have to go,” he says hastily as he runs towards the front door before skidding to a stop and backtracking to the table. He gives a hug to Bobby and Athena, “Thanks!” he shouts then he’s out of the house the front door slamming shut.

“These boys,” Athena sighs.

Eddie and Buck arrive together the next morning, shoulders bumping sharing soft smiles. Bobby tries to ignore the red mark that can be seen on peeking out from the collar of Buck’s shirt, but Hen and Chimney don’t. They tease Buck and Eddie looks so smug, but it with the two men finally getting their act together the atmosphere in the station shifts. Everything is back to normal. Eddie corners Bobby later that morning after breakfast a smile on his face as he hugs him tightly, “Thanks Bobby,” he murmurs.

“You're welcome,” Bobby replies, “oh and you owe me fifty bucks.”

“Wait..what?”

Bobby isn’t even mad that he lost the bet, it’s no surprise to anyone that Hen won, he’s starting to think that she is cheating. But he can’t be mad because Buck is back to his normal self, bouncing around the firehouse, smiling and laughing.

“No Hen!” Buck whines, “hey! Give me the controller!”

“Buck!” Hen exclaims, “You can’t keep doing this when we play this game!”

“Eddie! Do something!”

Who cares if he lost, his son is happy and if is also right in his assumption, his future son-in-law is no longer sulking like a toddler. If an intervention needs to happen again, he won’t wait long this time. “Eddie!” Buck laughs out, “hurry! She’s cheating!”

Buck watches Eddie excuse himself from the conversation, he’s having with one of the other fighters to rescue Buck. The man is laughing as he plops himself down next to him. “I don’t understand why you do this all time when you play with her.”

Buck squawks, ��Excuse me, I don’t do this all the time!?”

“You do!” Hen and Eddie laugh out

Maybe he won’t need to do an intervention. Eddie is looking at Buck fondly and Buck is grinning back at him. And Bobby knows that grin, Buck is totally going to be the one to propose, he’s calling it.

He called it wrong. Damn, Eddie Diaz.

#buddie #buddie fanfic #911 fox #bobby nash #Eddie Diaz #evan ‘buck’ buckley #firefam #outsider pov

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potterbite · 3 years ago

Text

falling slowly

five times people found out about eddie changing his will, seeing right through him, and the one time they both admitted what it meant. on ao3

Sometimes, Eddie’s confused when he’s called rude— or on one memorable occasion; a motherfucking shitface —because most of the time he only wants to make other people happy. Sure, that’s not always healthy either, but rude? No. So whenever it happens, it puzzles him a great deal, never quite understanding exactly what was done or said wrong.

On this occasion though, he has no problems seeing how he’s at fault.

“Are you being an ass on purpose or is it for my benefit alone?” Ana spits, and he can’t really blame her for looking as if she wants to punch him in the face.

The thing is, he’s been meaning to end things with her for ages— since before the shooting six weeks ago —but he can never find the right moment. Or, rather, timing is right but the words get stuck in his throat, fire burning through all of them until nothing but ashes and a fresh smile remains.

The irritation he feels for himself bleeds through onto her, staining their conversations, all of them becoming stiff, sometimes as if two strangers talked. And he wants to get out of there, and he wants to stay with her forever just to bask in the easiness of it all, and he wants to kiss her to not have to say anything at all, and he wants her to end it so he doesn’t have to.

So when she took a stray potato from his plate and said, chewing, that maybe she should spend more time with Christopher in case Eddie ever had to work late, because that way she could help, and wouldn’t it be useful if the boy knew her better— well Eddie just lost his head completely.

“Why? Carla or Buck can do that.” He heard the tone of his own voice, the acid not quite coming through, and he had wished it did. The coward in him had made him frown down at the empty plate to avoid meeting her eyes, instead looking at the remaining sauce for the two pieces of potato he’d saved for just that. Ana had taken them without asking. It wasn’t a big deal, and he didn’t mind sharing his food, and he was full anyway— but damn it, he had wanted those last potatoes for himself.

She laughed at his words, soft and easily. “Is Buck honestly the best option? He seems reckless.”

And at this, something had flashed before Eddie’s eyes, red and dangerous, and the words tasted like bile even before they left his lips. “Buck is Christopher’s legal guardian if something ever happens to me.”

This sentence acted as some kind of catalyst for their first— and only —fight, vicious words thrown back and forth in a battle neither seemed to win, but both wanted to end.

So no, Eddie couldn’t blame Ana for calling him an ass. It’s also the very thing that casts him back into the correct plane of reality, a place where he prides himself in being a decent human being, someone his son can look up to.

He forces himself to meet her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Her mouth opens and closes a few times. “W-what?”

“I said I’m sorry. For what I said and for not telling you.”

“I’m sorry too.” Her shoulders sag, and just like that this is the end between them and he knows he’s a coward for letting it be. “And for what it’s worth, you really should tell him.”

Abruptly, as if they’ve mutually agreed upon it, they go to the hallway where he reaches for the jacket he hung there an hour earlier. “I never wanted it to end this way.” This is the truth.

“Me neither.” He can’t tell if she means it or not.

“And I have told him,” he continues as he opens the front door, feeling the breeze from the warm night on his face. He’s about to let go of the handle when Ana’s hand closes over his.

“That’s not what I meant.”

She closes the door before he has the time to think of something to say— but honestly there’s nothing more to add.

***

Eddie doesn’t tell anyone about the break-up. Not immediately anyway. It’s not that he regrets it, or feels sad about it; he’s not even all that remorseful about the way it went down.

But almost a week later, it comes up when he and Chimney are alone in the kitchen, the others dozing by the tv.

“Hey, Maddie is feeling better so I thought that maybe you and Ana want to come over this weekend? You can bring Chris.“

“Ah.” He scratches himself by the ear to buy some time, which is probably what tips Chim off.

“Wait, are you not - ?”

Eddie flicks his eyes around the loft, but no one is close enough to overhear them anyway. “Nah, we broke up last week.”

“I’m sorry man.” Chim puts a gentle hand on his left shoulder and gives him a smile. “Are you okay?”

Eddie nods, because he is. “Yeah. It hasn’t been all that good since before the shooting to tell you the truth, and then we had a major fight after I told her that Buck will be the legal guardian of Chris if anything should happen to me.”

Almost a full minute goes by where Chim just stares open-mouthed at him, and Eddie doesn’t know what to do or say so he stays still, afraid of the gleeful surprise on Chim’s face.

Finally, Chim blinks a couple of times. “Can I be there when you tell Hen?”

“Why?” Eddie frowns deep, not at all what he expected Chim to say.

“Trust me. She can say what I can’t.”

“I don’t understand.”

At this, Chim gets a sympathetic smile on his face. “Oh, I know you don’t.”

And he goes to join the others.

***

To his credit, Chim doesn’t appear to tell Hen what he and Eddie discussed. Unfortunately for Eddie, this means that he doesn’t get a chance to understand what Chim meant. Well, technically, he could just tell Hen and find out for himself, but he did keep this quiet for more than a year— and it was never an active choice, he just didn’t feel as if someone else needed to know, not even Buck at first (which, looking back, might’ve been an oversight on his part)— so speaking up about it now, without being prompted, seems strange, the words falling flat on his tongue.

However, not even three days after telling Chimney, the moment presents itself in the form of Buck.

Eddie, Hen and Chim are eating, their shift about to start, when Buck practically throws his entire body towards an available chair, slamming his ankle into one of the table legs, followed by some loud cursing.

As Eddie practically hears the collective eye roll from Chim and Hen, he chuckles. “You know, some of those words are illegal.”

“Ha ha,” Buck groans in response. “Don’t worry, when I have to raise Chris by myself, I’ll make sure he knows them all. I take my guardianship very seriously.”

There’s a thump, and Eddie looks at Hen; the fork is dangling in the breeze of her open mouth, the food that was obviously just on it lying in the middle of her almost empty plate.

“Say what now?” One of her eyebrows is dangerously high up on her forehead.

Buck looks comically from her, to Eddie, to Chim, and back again. “Um, yeah,” is all he replies.

Sadly, this means Hen turns to Eddie instead, and he really wishes it weren’t so but he can feel himself shrink under her gaze. “Are you telling me you made Buck the legal guardian of your kid if something happened to you?”

“No, Buck told you that,” he jokes, but not a muscle in her face reacts. “Yes, that’s what’ll happen if I die.”

She looks thoughtful— scarily so —as her eyes flits between him and Buck; Eddie can almost feel Chim vibrating in the chair next to his own.

“I should’ve caught on sooner,” she says eventually.

“What?” Eddie’s dry mouth asks even though he doesn’t want to hear the answer. Buck, apparently, is more interested in eating than this conversation and starts picking stuff from Eddie’s plate. Somehow, Eddie doesn’t care.

Hen smirks, and points a finger between him and Buck, and Eddie can feel his eyes bulging, feel the strange beating of his heart in his own ears, the sweat starting on his palms, and Hen’s smirk turns into an actual smile.

She doesn’t elaborate, and when Buck looks up from the platter less than a minute later he seems oblivious to the exchange that has happened.

As the bell goes off and they head toward the truck, Eddie dries his hands on his thighs and drowns out what’s going on inside his head; he’s too scared of all those things he already knows to be true, almost spoken out loud in words he does not yet have.

***

By the time they get back to the station, Eddie has already figured out he needs to tell Bobby about this; it’s only a matter of time until someone slips up and Eddie really wants to be the one to tell his captain this. Not that he thinks it’s a big deal, but he’d feel weird about it if Bobby heard it from the probie.

He knocks twice on the doorframe to Bobby’s office. Both of them have taken a shower and had something to eat, enjoying the blissful quiet between calls.

Bobby looks up at Eddie over the brim of paper he’s holding. “Eddie! What can I do for you?”

Eddie, not knowing what to do with his hands, puts them in the pocket of his pants and takes a few steps into the room, making sure the door is closed. “I - uh, I wanted to talk to you about my will,” he starts.

Bobby nods, opening a cabinet next to the desk to look through some folders. “Have you changed it again since last year?”

Eddie just gapes. “What?”

“I have the copy in here somewhere,” Bobby mutters to himself. “Aha! There it is.” He presents the paper to Eddie, who accepts it. Sure enough, there’s a copy of the will he wrote after the last accident.

“I didn’t know you had this.”

“Your attorney sent it to me. He figured since you gave me the old one, you’d want me to have the new one as well.”

Eddie nods.

“What did you want to tell me about the will?” Bobby looks so concerned that Eddie can’t help the huff of laughter that escapes him.

“Nothing. I wanted you to know about Buck, that's all.”

“Ah.” Those soul gazing eyes locks onto Eddie and he squirms. “I already know.”

Lost for anything to say to this, Eddie sinks down to the closest chair and they sit together in silence until he no longer feels as if those carefully constructed walls he built to contain all he has inside for Buck is crumbling down around him. Soon he’ll be standing in the ruins of a former fortress and the only one left to tell is Buck. Eddie’s just not sure he has the courage.

***

Chris was the first one Eddie told, before he even signed the papers or anything. It just didn’t sit right with him to take this decision away from the boy. For weeks and weeks Eddie thought about the best way to bring it up, trying to come up with replies for all plausible scenarios.

It was a Wednesday when he finally took the plunge.

“Hey buddy, can I ask you something?”

Chris had nodded happily. “What Dad?”

“If I didn’t come home one day, if something bad happened to me, how do you feel about Buck taking care of you?”

Chris didn’t even think about it. Instead, he frowned deeply. “If you’re not here, why wouldn’t I live with Buck? He always takes care of us.”

Eddie had almost laughed with relief, not having foreseen this easiness at all. He ruffled Chris' hair and said, “No, you’re right. I agree.”

They didn’t talk about it again.

***

It’s been almost three weeks since his break-up with Ana, and he still hasn’t told Buck. By now, he’s probably the only one that hasn’t figured it out, but Eddie doesn’t mind. In fact, he steers clear of relationship talk when they hang out; he doesn’t want to hear about how fantastic Taylor is, or what new adventures they’ve been up to.

Strangely, it’s Bobby of all people that tells Buck. Or maybe Bobby tells Eddie, he’s not really sure.

They find Bobby cooking when they start a long shift, all of them gliding towards the whiff of glorious food.

“What’s the occasion?” Buck asks as he steals a green bean.

“Nothing really. Just a happy meal with family.” Bobby stirs the giant pot and adds some spices. “With all the break-ups happening around here, I’m almost worried it’s contagious so I figured we needed an easy dinner together.”

Eddie stiffens, but curiously enough so does Buck, shoulders rigid and face neutral. Instead, it’s Chim that speaks next. “What do you mean? Who else has broken up?”

“Well, Pannikar and his boyfriend, Eddie and Ana, and now Buck and Taylor,” Bobby says, gesturing towards each of them in turn. Everyone nods, as if nothing he said is brand new information.

“You and Ana broke up?” The words are almost as quiet as a whisper, meant for Eddie alone while the rest set the table.

Eddie nods. “You broke up with Taylor?”

“Yeah. Or we both did, I’m not sure.” He gets a deep frown between his eyebrows and the tips of Eddie’s fingers itch to smooth it out. He doesn’t. “We’re still friends though.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Buck tilts his head a little bit to the right, gazing at Eddie as if he’s a riddle to solve.

Eddie shrugs. Of course, he knows very well why he didn’t say something to Buck but he can’t tell his best friend that— or can he?

Acting on pure impulse, he takes hold of Buck’s hand and drags him away from the kitchen, down the stairs and into their bunk room. He closes the door behind them, leaning on it, and turns to look at the other man; Buck is standing just out of arm's reach. In Eddie’s stomach someone is dancing the conga in circles, begging him to get the hell out of there before he says too much and ruins it all. He ignores this, swallowing hard.

“Here’s the thing. I’ve been waiting for the right words to come to me, to figure out how to tell you what is apparently very obvious to everyone else. I mean, if I just mention how I changed my will, they all get this look in their eyes, and I know they know. And I don’t understand how you still don’t when I feel as if it’s written on my face.”

Buck is silent, and Eddie can’t even be sure his ramble made any sense whatsoever. He rests the back of his head against the door, waiting for Buck to say something, anything. The urge to get out of there is overwhelming, but the sound of Buck’s breathing is as well— harsh and quick breaths, shallow and full of emotions Eddie can’t place.

“I broke up with Taylor because I think I’m more into you than her,” Buck blurts suddenly, his eyes widening as if he never meant to say any of it.

An urge to laugh bubbles up inside him, but he presses it down. “Buck.” The other man’s eyes snap to his. “I made you the sole guardian of my kid if I die.”

Eddie can’t tell who moves first— maybe they drift at the same time, two planets on a collision course — but somehow they meet in the middle, lips crashing together until it feels as if they’re fused together as one. He nibbles gently at Buck’s bottom lip, a gesture that makes Buck practically purr in response; Eddie can feel the vibration of it underneath his fingers, lying in a soft grip around Buck’s throat.

In retaliation— reward? —Buck shuffles them back until Eddie hits the wall with a soft thump, and the quiet groan that escapes him is out of his control honestly. He can’t believe he ever thought that what he had with Ana was enough, not when this has been here the whole time, just waiting beneath the surface for someone to make the first move.

When the alarm goes off, they don’t separate immediately; instead they sigh apart, Buck letting his forehead fall until it meets Eddie’s.

“We really should talk about this,” Buck says, and he’s so close that his breath sends shivers across Eddie’s body.

“Mhm,” Eddie agrees, opening his eyes to meet Buck’s. “But there will be plenty of time for that later.”

(When they get to the truck, Hen smirks at the pair of them when they get in. Eddie pointedly ignores her, but when his gaze lands on Buck he has to bite the inside of his cheek so as not to smile wide enough to crack his head in two.)

(They get around to talking. Later.)

#buddie #buddie fic #911 #my writing #i am weak for some good old 5+1 fics #911 on fox

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voleurdesoleil-archive · 3 years ago

Text

Lucky Escape

Fandom: The Wayhaven Chronicles

Pairing: Male Detective (Jonah Rafferty) x Adam x Nate

Word count: 2.6k

!! cW !! mentions of blood, insults and toxic relationship

read on ao3

Today could have been a peaceful day, and it was, at least until someone came in to report that their van had been stolen. At first, Jonah didn’t pay much attention to it as Douglas was doing a surprisingly good job taking the owner’s statement. The voice sounded familiar, but Jonah couldn’t place a name or a face on it, so he didn’t linger on it. That was until the man started making a scene in front of the whole station.

“Are you even listening to me!”

The guy was yelling in Douglas’ face who was throwing distressed looks at Jonah. As he rushed out of his office, the guy turned around and Jonah stopped right away.

“If it isn’t Jonah Rafferty!” The man said mockingly.

“Luke…”

“So it’s true? You’re the new sheriff in town?”

Jonah ignored the question and walked to the front desk. He glanced over the report that Douglas was filling, but didn’t see any reason for the scene Luke was making so he asked: “What’s the problem Douglas?”

The Mayor’s son opened his mouth to answer but Luke interrupted him. “The problem is that your secretary doesn’t take his job seriously!”

“Officer Friedman isn’t a secretary,” Jonah said, stressing Douglas’ function. “And for all I see, there are no mistakes in his report.” Jonah added, giving him a reassuring smile to which Douglas let out a sigh or relief.

“Of course you’re gonna defend him! Is he your little boy toy?”

A shocked silence settled on the station as the officers quickly went back to work pretending they weren’t listening when Jonah took a look around him. Jonah’s jaw clenched and his hands balled into fists as Luke looked all proud of himself, a smug grin settling on his face.

“If you cannot respect my officers, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave this station and start looking for your van on your own.” Jonah spoke each word clearly, trying to be as stoic as possible.

“Oh…” Luke let out, his grin growing even bigger on his face. Deciding to ignore Jonah’s warning he added: “So you’re the boy toy this time, aren’t you? Exactly like you were with that reporter! What’s his name again? Bobby something…”

“We have your report, I’ll put someone on the case.” Jonah stated trying to ignore Luke.

“Can you put that cute little chick on the case? No offense but I don’t want your deviant ass near my car -” if Jonah didn’t know him better, he could have believed Luke’s apologetic smile, until he gestured to Douglas and added: “-nor your little boy toy."

“I’ll put Officer Len on the case.”

“Oh come on Jonah! Be a sweetheart and put Poname on my case, I’ve been trying to land that ch-”

“That’s enough! Can you have some respect for the officers of this station? You don’t like me fine! I couldn’t care less! But those people did nothing to you and deserve to be treated with respect so if you can’t do that I’m gonna ask you once again to leave!”

There was a moment of silence after Jonah had finally bursted out, but the sneer that grew on Luke’s face told him he had only fueled his stupidity.

“Or else what?” He had gained everyone’s attention. “Do you want me to tell them how much of a slut you are? I know about a lot of your boyfriends, or should I call them boy toys?” He was turning the station into his own little stage on which he was strutting proudly. “I’m afraid that little reporter of yours is incapable of holding his tongue…”

Jonah knew that whatever Bobby had told Luke, it was probably lies, but nevertheless he couldn’t risk losing his colleagues’ respect. Not now. Not after he’d worked so hard to gain it.

“What do you want?” Jonah resigned.

But Luke wasn’t even listening to him. “So let’s see! There was Taylor, Lucas, Zeke, Ryan, the guy from the bookstore, the exchange student, the delivery dude, that one was very low Jonah, Simon, Chris, who else? Jack, Frank, another Taylor, Percy…”

Jonah stopped listening as Luke kept enumerating the names of guys who actually had just been his classmates, or guys Bobby cheated with. The only ones he had actually dated were the exchange student, whose name was Arthur, he was also his French tutor, one of the Taylors and Lucas.

“Are you done making a fool of yourself?” Jonah asked as Luke stopped talking. “If you’re done, I think you can-”

“Oh, but I’m not done sweetheart, there’s one last person to talk about…” Luke cut him. “How about we talk about Bobby Marks now? I thought he was a slut, just like you, but turns out he’s actually a really nice guy. He told me a lot of things about you that I probably shouldn’t talk about-”

“Then don’t!”

Jonah looked over Luke’s shoulder and saw Tina standing in the doorway. She was coming in to start her shift.

“Officer!” Luke exclaimed, embarrassed. “How long have you been here?”

“Long enough to know you should probably be leaving.” She said, stepping aside to hold the door open. “Have a nice day, sir.”

She waited for Luke to get out and be out of view to step back inside the station. But before she even reached Jonah’s office, he had already left his gun in his desk and grabbed his coat.

“I need some fresh hair.” he simply said walking past her.

___

"Jonah! We’ve been looking for you everywhere! Tina said-” Nate froze in the middle of the training room. “Jonah?"

Jonah was kneeling on the floor, his bloody hands laying on his laps. His ragged breath was interspersed with sobs. The punching bag above him, was stained with his blood and so were his clothes. He didn’t react when Nate called his name another time.

Nate wanted to rush to him but the intense smell of his blood made him scared to even take a step.

"What happened?"

"Get out…”

“Jonah?”

“Get out!” Jonah yelled. His teary eyes were filled with an indefinable mix of rage and despair as he turned his head towards the vampire.

The door burst open as the other vampires rushed to the training room. Seeing the bloody mess surrounding Jonah’s hunched figure, none of them dared to say anything, but Adam rushed to Nate’s side.

“Get! Out!” Jonah yelled one last time, almost pleading as Adam took another step forward.

Morgan walked to Nate and grabbed his arm. “Nate…Come on…” she said as Farah was pushing Adam out of the room, leaving the detective alone.

___

A couple hours later, Adam was knocking on Jonah’s door. He slowly opened the door, only peeking his head in the room. Jonah was sitting on his bed, trying to bandage his left hand. Bo was sleeping next to him. “Can I come in?"

The detective simply nodded.

Adam walked to Jonah and sat at the foot of the bed. Seeing that he was struggling with the bandage, Adam scooted closer and took Jonah’s left hand in his. “Let me help you…” he whispered, to which Jonah gave a grateful smile.

Blood was already seeping through the layers of gauze and, as he gently wrapped Jonah’s hand, Adam couldn’t help but wonder how long he had been in that training room, punching that bag, before they found him for his knuckles to be as bloodied as they were. Jonah winced as Adam wrapped his hand one last time.

“I’m sorry, did I wrap it too tight?” he instantly worried.

“No, it’s okay.”

Adam could feel Jonah’s pulse under his fingers as he was holding the bandage in place while Jonah was cutting a piece of medical tape. Even though he could hear his heartbeat, feeling it, feeling its irregularity when their hands brushed over the piece of tape and exchanged a gaze, was a wonder for Adam. It was something so simple and yet something he would never get used to.

His hands lingered on Jonah’s after he was done and they stayed like that for a while, not saying anything, simply holding each other’s gaze and hands as a comfortable silence settled around them. The world blurs and blends together until all they can feel and sense is each other.

"How are you doing?” He eventually asked. To which Jonah only shrugged. “Do you wanna talk about it?” He was once again given a shrug as an answer.

Seeing Jonah like that made his heart clench in his chest. His mission was to protect the human but he had failed so many times already. He felt so helpless. “Is there anything I can do?”

That’s when a tear rolled down Jonah’s cheek, quickly followed by way more and Adam, in a blurred movement, immediately closed the gap between them to envelop him in a reassuring embrace.

His hand softly rubbing Jonah’s back as he was slightly rocking them on the bed. He could feel his tears crashing on his skin and his cheeks becoming hot from the crying against his shoulder. He pressed a soft kiss on his hair, right above his ear.

“Je suis là, tout va bien,” Adam whispered, holding Jonah a little bit closer.

He held Jonah until the sobbing stopped and when the detective pulled away, Adam’s hand remained on his waist. Jonah rubbed his eyes and, with the back of his hand, wiped away his tears.

"I’m sorry…” Jonah said, his voice hoarse.

“No please, do not apologize Detective…"

Jonah chuckled upon hearing Adam calling him Detective and a smile grew on the vampire’s face as he heard that sound he loved so much.

"Are you feeling better?” Adam reached out to wipe away a stray tear but his hand lingered on the human’s face, cupping his cheek. Jonah leaned in the touch and, putting his hand above Adam’s, kissed his palm.

Jonah nodded. “Thank you…” he whispered against the vampire’s palm.

After a kissin on Adam’s knuckles, the detective grabbed his phone on the bedside table, and after quickly typing, threw it on the bed. The motion drew Adam’s gaze to the bandages wrapping both of his hands.

“I’m fine, don’t worry.” Jonah said as he noticed Adam’s worried gaze.

“I just wish you would have come to us instead of hurting yourself like that…” Adam’s voice was filled with regret.

“Adam… You being here right now is more than I could have wished for… ” Jonah reached up, gently cupping the vampire’s cheeks. “You are more than I could have wished for.”

Slowly, Jonah closed the distance between them, until their forehead touched. Until he could feel Adam’s breath tingling on his own lips.

Adam was the one to lean forward and capture Jonah’s lips. The kiss was surprisingly soft despite its intensity. The minty taste of Adam’s lips contrasted with the heat taking over Jonah’s body as his whole being was set on fire and that any remnants of sadness was instantly replaced with pure bliss.

Jonah’s heart pounded in his chest as Adam’s hand slided down his back, sending a shiver down his spine as his fingers barely grazed his skin through the fabric of his shirt. Slipping his hands on the back of Adam’s head, Jonah pulled him closer, deepening the kiss and slightly parting his mouth a bit more, wanting, needing to taste more of the vampire.

But the kiss was cut short by a soft knock on the door. Adam let out a frustrated groan against Jonah’s lips before parting as the door opened revealing Nate.

“Am I interrupting something?” The vampire asked as he felt the electrified atmosphere of the room.

Despite his desire to send him away, Jonah answered that he wasn’t and Nate closed the door behind him.

He waited for Nate to sit with them on the bed and took his hand while he gave a gentle squeeze to Adam’s. He knew why he asked Nate to join them, but having them both in front of him, looking at him expectantly, Jonah wasn’t so sure he had made the right decision.

“First of all, I want to apologize for what happened earlier. Today wasn’t a good day but that wasn’t a reason to take it out on you.” He pulled them both into a hug. “I’m really thankful to have you both and I know you just wanted to help, so I’m sorry for yelling at you.”

“Hey!” Nate cupped his cheek. “It’s okay, you needed some space, I think we can understand that.” The vampire said, to which Adam nodded in agreement.

Jonah nodded in return. “I cleaned everything, not sure if the smell is still there though…"

"We’ll take care of it, don’t worry about that.” Adam said.

“Now, apologies are great, but I think you at least deserve an explanation to my being in such a state."

"Jonah, you do not have to give us any explanation if you don’t feel like it.” Nate said sensing the uncertainty in Jonah’s voice.

“I know, Nate, but I want to.”

Upon those words, Nate gave him a gentle smile, which was all Jonah needed to gather up the courage to finally speak but, as Jonah started retelling the altercation he had had with Luke, everything he had tried burying deep down came back into ravaging waves.

Everything he had been planning on saying for the past hours was thrown out the window. His structured speech came out to be an overwhelming mess. Things he had told only to Tina and things he had never told to anyone came barreling out of his lips before he could stop them and through a curtain of tears he told them everything.

He told them about his high school band and his best friends outing him out in front of the whole town after kicking him out of the band for being polyamorous or as they would call him for the next few years “for being deviant”.

Adam and Nate weren’t saying anything. Adam’s gaze was completely focused on Jonah and Nate’s fingers were drawing incoherent forms on the back of his hand.

He told them about his hard time with the town and his hard beginning in the Wayhaven PD because of that. About being the talk of the town. About his colleagues giving him crass because he was only a slut in their eyes. About the people of Wayhaven yelling insults at him when they discovered he had been assigned to their case.

A worried frown immediately appeared on both their faces as Jonah stopped to avoid choking with his own tears. Adam and Nate both reacted at the same time and hugged their little human until he couldn’t breathe.

And he told them about Bobby. That still open wound. He told them about Bobby’s manipulation, about him using Jonah’s polyamory to explain his infidelities, about Bobby taking away pieces of himself so slowly that he never noticed until he was left with nothing.

Jonah could feel Adam’s grasp on his hand tighten as he told them about his past with Bobby and, both looking for comfort and to reassure Adam he made some space in between his legs and wrapped Adam’s arms around him like a blanket. With his back against Adam’s torso, he pulled his other boyfriend to him. Nate laid on the human’s laps who instinctively started raking his fingers through his hair, the vampire melting in his laps as he did so. They all chuckled when Bo started whining and came to sit on Nate’s stomach seeking affection.

They stayed like that for a while, until Jonah fell asleep. Nate held the human in his arms while Adam was opening the bedsheets. He gently laid him down before they both crawled under the sheets to cuddle their boyfriend. Pressing a kiss on Jonah’s they both sworn to protect the human so dear to their heart.

#oc: jonah rafferty #adam x jonah x nate #adam du mortain #nate sewell #twc nate #twc adam #twc fanfic #the wayhaven chronicles #ali's writing #y'all can ignore that i'm just reposting stuff from my other account

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florenceandthemachine · 4 years ago

Text

that original lifeline

chapter 5 / 5 - “you deserve what you are given” - 3.6k

in which Eddie has a good day, has a bad day, sees a familiar face, and tries not to blow up an ambulance. not necessarily in that order.

it’s all done! my first ever standalone, prompt-free fic! I hope you all at least tolerated it as much as I did. I also would like to say—please, if you’re seeing things that look messy or need to be touched up, you’re welcome to let me know. I'm sure I'm going to go over it and re-edit a million times over the next week.

read on AO3

Eddie knew that things were going to be different the moment he slapped his alarm the next morning, because for the first time in months, he actually turned his alarm off. He didn’t lie in bed and ignore it, he didn’t hit snooze until he could get the energy to see the day, he turned it off, he got up, and he started to dress. He couldn’t remember the last time he had greeted a Monday on time for an early morning workout, but the few miles he was able to get in on the treadmill was nothing compared to the look of happiness on his son’s face when he got to join him and Carla for breakfast—instead of running out the door, a granola bar lodged in his mouth. He literally felt like he just woke up on the right side of the bed this morning; judging by the way that Chris lit up, and Carla rose her brows in surprise, his change in attitude was already being noticed.

Even if Carla was good enough not to comment on it.

Honestly, Eddie didn’t know what was going on himself, but he wasn’t going to complain. A day ago, he had almost started to cry at one of those family car commercials with an old dog in it, and today, he was already back into the familiar motions of ‘being well’.

He had been through enough therapy in his life to know the “highs and lows” mental health speech every which way, but what he hadn’t realized until this morning was that when you were low, being low becomes your new normal. Eddie had been through it before (with Shannon, with his parents, with… name a thing), and he knew it would probably come again, but that didn’t make the moments that he got to stand in the light on the other side of the tunnel any less sweet.

It felt like he was standing in the sun.

“Morning Hen! Coffee?” Eddie grinned as he took the stairs up into the loft two at a time, box of danishes in one hand, coffee holders stacked high in the other. He had literally been smiling since he parked his car outside, and was now beaming at Hen only because she was lucky enough to be the first person he got to see that day. Lucky, sure, but he still didn’t miss the way that her brows rose into her hair as she took her cup and her selection of baked goods, knowing full well that this was probably… a lot to take in from his behavior for the past many weeks.

“You’re… cheery.” Hen commented easily, staring at Eddie like a puzzle to figure out—and while that would have made him nervous before, it was actually kind of nice now, a friend showing that she cared.

To his credit, Eddie just shrugged, pulling off another coffee as he put the boxes down on the table, knowing full well they would be devoured before he could even look back. “What can I say? It’s a good day today, the sun is out, and I only have to be here for eight hours. Hey, where’s Chim? I got Mr. Asian James Bond an extra bear claw, since he’s been driving everyone up the wall with his whole sorority girls speech.”

Hen let the topic drop (and Eddie thanked her silently for it) as she groaned and shook her head, taking another drag from her coffee cup as, sure enough, the pastry boxes started to draw everyone in like flies. He started handing out coffees to those who’s orders he could remember, grinning as Hen launched into it. “No no, ‘Asian James Bond’ was last week, now it’s ‘Asian Sex Symbol’ to you. God, that stupid calendar, between he and Bobby I am ready to enter myself, blow them both out of the water as Miss July, and—”

“Hey, hold up, where’s Bosko?” Eddie said, cutting her off before she could pick up too much steam, staring at the last coffee in his hands as Bobby pulled his own free.

Hen and Bobby shared a glance as Bobby cleared his throat around a mouthful of coffee, swallowing before he started to speak. “Actually, Lena’s back with the 136 for the foreseeable future. I’m happy to say that we finally have that vacancy filled.”

Eddie felt his brows launch into his hairline, only vaguely remembering that Lena was supposed to be here on a temporary basis—and he had been a complete ass to her for the past few months. Well, that was going to be a fun little addition to his long list of issues, and he winced as he made a mental note to swing by the 136 later on with another danish and an apology. Hen caught the look, her own brow tilting in return, though she was good enough to redirect her attention back up to Bobby. “So, wait, who’s going to be the newbie on the 118?”

“He is walking up the stairs right now, if you want to turn around. Just graduated out of the Academy last week. Pretty much top of his class, apparently impressed enough people that I had to fight off station 6 to get him to come here—welcome, Evan Buckley.”

“Hey, uh, you can just call me Buck.”

Eddie almost choked on his coffee as he heard a voice behind him, grabbing a napkin to catch a few drops as he turned, trying to repress his cough as he turned around, meeting a pair of blue eyes, staring at Eddie with an intensity that made his insides curl like he had just been sucker punched. He didn’t say anything, of course, just reached out and shook hands, introduced himself, did the whole shebang—with a smile, he might add!

Today was a good day. It could still be a good day. It really, really had the potential to be a good day.

Today was not a good day.

Eddie wanted to work well with Buck, he really did, but every time Buck opened his mouth, all Eddie could feel was pressure, water pushing in on him at every angle, the choking taste of mud in his mouth. At this point in time, Eddie wasn’t sure what was worse—that Buck seemed to put his foot in his mouth whenever he talked to Eddie, or the fact that he didn’t seem to give a fuck where and when he was flapping his yap.

An exploding man hole cover literally knocking someone’s arm into the nearby pool? He had barely started with “Hey, you good? You must have lucked out after that firetruck and all…” before Eddie was talking over him, asking for gauze and a tourniquet to try and save some of the live tissue in the very-much-not-alive arm.

A stab wound to the ass that resulted in the most lifelike Michelin man that Eddie had ever seen? “So, silver star, huh? You save a platoon or something?” Eddie managed to smile, jaw tight as he shook his head. “No, nothing like that. I was just in convoy.”

Even their downtime wasn’t safe—a grocery run that wound up with the entire team stacked high with grocery bags as they walked back into the station? “Hey, I saw a piece about that drill—“

“Alright, who wants lunch?” Eddie was immensely thankful for Bobby’s distraction, not bothering to hide the fact that his interruption was far from a coincidence. By now, even Hen was looking at Buck like he was a crazy person at that point—or maybe just an asshole.

Somehow, after all of their calls, it only came to a head in the gym. Apparently, Buck had decided that the subtle approach (not that anything Buck did could be called subtle) wasn’t good enough, and for whatever reason decided that the gym was the best time to approach Eddie.

Honestly, if Eddie wasn’t a good thirty away from the first real workout he had had in weeks, he probably would have walked away.

“Eddie, you… you know who I am, right?”

His jaw twitching in time with his punches, Eddie finally relented from the poor bag and looked at Buck directly, jaw set as he started to rewrap his hands. “And what if I didn’t? You think this would have gone over well with HR, the new guy bringing up the worst days of my life and all but asking me about a fucking guardian angel?”

“Jesus, that’s not what I—“

“I met Athena.”

Eddie could almost hear Buck’s mouth shut, the clack of his teeth somehow louder than the din of the station behind him. “I met her and she told me that she didn’t know what had happened, and then she offered to make me forget. Forget about you, about everything, because not even she knew where you had wound up.” Eddie started, rolling his wrists easily. “She apologized to me, she said she missed you, well, not that she was alone in that sense. You should probably find a way to apologize to her, too. Let her know you’re okay. Hold the bag.” Eddie’s voice was low even as his tone started to sharpen, doing his absolute best to keep his face neutral, lest he want any attention from Hen or Bobby for harassing the new guy.

To Buck’s credit, he did as Eddie asked, holding the bag steady as Eddie started to wail on it anew, thankful that he at least had the temporary distraction of pressure against his knuckles to stop the urge to scream into the sky.

“Athena… she really did that?” Eddie didn’t respond, just threw another punch, grunting with the exertion. Buck’s voice was low, barely louder than the sound of Eddie’s hands making contact with the bag. “Is that what you want? An apology? Because I’m not going to apologize for saving you, Eddie, I’m not going to say sorry for not leaving you in the bottom of a pit to… I’m not sorry for that. So if that’s what you’re after, I don’t know what to offer you.”

Eddie threw a kick from his left, giving Buck plenty of time to adjust his grip before his ankle came smashing into the bag, panting as he stared Buck down, feeling the anger start to drain out of him as he breathed, shaking his head. “Buck, is that what you think this is about?”

Buck, bless him, just looked like a lost puppy when what Eddie said sunk in.

“You saved my life. I mean, you’ve always kept me safe, but back there you saved my life. You let me go home to my kid, you… I could never thank you enough for that. I’m not mad about that.” He shook his head, flexing his fingers as he took another fighting stance, his poster lower, more subdued than the all out attack he was waging before.

“Well then what—“

“I’m not mad at you because you left.” Eddie repeated, starting another round of punches, each hit slower, shorter, but packed with more force than was strictly necessary. “I’m mad at you because you fucking—because you didn’t come back. Because you chose not to come back. You went through the academy, top of the class, and that was eighteen weeks of you being here, just miles away from me in Los Angeles, and you let me think that you were dead that entire time. You were with me my whole entire life, you were a constant, and then I lost you, Buck, and I had to try and live with that. And then you show up at work today, and you’re alive, and human, and I’ve had barely eight hours to deal with all of this, after I—I fucking mourned you. I mourned you, and you let me, and that—that’s why I’m mad.”

Although, the more he spoke, the more Eddie realized that he wasn’t mad, not really, not that he would own up to it that easily. He wasn’t angry, he was just… crushed. His hook got sloppy and he went wide, eyes wild, stumbling only a little before catching himself on the bag.

“Why does everyone leave me? What did I do, Buck, why didn’t you come back?”

The sudden sound of footsteps drew his eye up to the loft where the next shift was pouring in, easily exchanging pleasantries with Eddie’s team, and Eddie felt the last bit of fight drain out of him as he started to unwind his gloves. The day was done. His shift was over. And after feeling nothing but empty for weeks, Eddie had just about exhausted the entire range of his emotional capabilities in less than a day.

“Eddie, I—“

“Forget it, Buck. I’ll see you tomorrow, or whatever.” Eddie said, not even bothering to look over his shoulder as he headed back to the locker area.

“Fire and Rescue, hello?”

Eddie was having another… long day. Not a bad day, not necessarily, but not a… great day either. He had still managed to get up, he had still brought himself to work, he still managed an honest smile when he kissed Chris goodbye, but he found himself hesitating before he wound up walking into the 118. He didn’t know if he could handle Buck again today—thankfully, it seemed like he didn’t have to. Buck was mostly absent that morning, giving Eddie enough apologetic looks over the table to display that he got he had been an asshole the day before (or, more likely, that Hen and Chim had verbally beat that fact into him before Eddie got there).

Their morning had gone off without incident—there had only been one real call outside a few false alarms, a moron with his head literally cemented into a microwave—and to be honest, Eddie couldn’t deny the fact that he loved how easily he and Buck could work together. Well, how easy they worked together when Buck shut up for three minutes.

Another save, an easy lunch, and Eddie’s eight hour shift looked like it would be ending easily when they got the call to head down to Torrence, walking into what felt like the worlds most mothball-scented Army Navy Surplus store.

Eddie felt his body tense up as soon as the word ‘grenade’, having to take a split second to remind himself that he was still in the States, he wasn’t in wartime, he was still safe. Because he was safe, they were okay, until Buck moved the dressings and a gold glint caught his eye.

“None of the guys I’ve worked with were dumb enough to shoot a live round into their own leg, but I’m familiar with the ordinance.”

Eddie felt his jaw twitch again as Buck stared him down, a tic that he was sure would come to be familiar in over the next few days. Honestly, he was starting to think that Buck was just bringing all the mess with him—he had gone months without a call that threatened his life and limb, and then as soon as Buck came back into his life, there he was, with a grenade stuck inside of some old, gun collecting bastard. He could almost feel the moment where Buck opened his mouth—it was the same feeling he got whenever Buck had appeared, years and years ago, whenever something extremely stupid was about to happen.

“I’m in.”

Of course he was.

For what it was worth, Buck had stellar bedside manner. It was easy for him to to make small talk with Charlie while he hung the morphine, asking about his wife, his life, and Eddie found himself a little bit reassured by how easily Buck was able to buckle down and rise to the situation. After all, Buck had been doing that for Eddie’s whole life—it would be a shame if he lost that skill when he could use it the most.

They kept their talk small and professional as Eddie worked, even though most of his work was giving short, clipped orders, like he was afraid that the grenade would be able to tell how stressed out he was and put them both out of their misery, then and there. They both let out a collective sigh of relief as the grenade plunked, solid and heavy into the bin, Buck hastily closing it like a lid would save them all if that thing were to blow up.

Eddie was just finishing up, throwing a few stitches to try and keep things together until Charlie could make it up to surgery when Buck finally found his voice.

“I was scared, Eddie.”

Eddie didn’t even bother looking up, his fingers working quickly. “I know, but we got it out, we just have to be careful not to move the box too much.”

“No. I mean, about coming back, about seeing you, I… I was scared.”

Eddie looked up as he threw another stitch, sparing a quick look to make sure that the old man was still out cold. When Buck looked up to him, Eddie rose his brows, giving him a little not of encouragement.

“You said I’ve been with you your whole life, but… that goes both ways, Eddie. I don’t even know what happened, one minute I had hurled you out of that lake, and the next I was nothing, there was just nothing, and then…” He took a breath as he moved the dressings, letting Eddie continue his easy stitchwort. “And then I was in a loft in Los Angeles, with a drivers license in my pocket and a brochure for the LAFD Academy on a dresser. I still don’t know how I got there, but I knew it would bring me to you.”

“Here, cut here.”

Buck snipped the end of Eddie’s suture easily, passing him a tube of antibacterial gel, dolloping it along the messy wound site.

“For the first time in years, I couldn’t feel you anymore. I didn’t know what you were doing, or how you were feeling, or if you were safe, and it scared me. I missed you, of course I did, but I knew that if I just went right back to you, it would be like nothing had changed, when really, everything had changed.” Eddie looked up as he covered the gel in an adhesive gauze patch, hanging another bag of fluids, eyes tracking between the steady blip of the heart monitor and the very live grenade in a bin at the end of the ambulance, while his brain tried to keep up with the live grenade that he and Buck were lobbing back and forth.

Nodding for Buck to open the back door, Eddie waited until they both had their feet on the ground to respond, rolling his neck. “Well, that’s kind of par for the course. Being scared, I mean.” he started, a small smile on his face as Buck looked back, catching his eye. Eddie shrugged, eye darting over to the rest of their team, still safely out of earshot as he nudged Buck’s shoulder, the motion easy and simple, muscle memory built up over years.

“Welcome to the human condition. It kind of sucks. You’re going to love it.”

And fuck, Buck was smiling again. Eddie would give anything to keep that look on his face, even as they handed Charlie off to the medics, even as the bomb squad guy called in the robot to… well, to do what, Eddie didn’t know. But that was the beauty of it all—he didn’t have to care anymore. All that mattered to him in that moment were his boots on his ground, the air around him, and maybe, if he played his cards right, the team he got to work with. He could feel Bobby’s eyes on him as he pulled his flac jacket off, a little slow on the uptake of whatever had happened in the ambulance.

“You know, you’re pretty badass under pressure.” Eddie said, his face curving up into the first real smile he had worn in days. Buck looked like a deer in the headlights, like Eddie must have been talking to someone, anyone else, and even Bobby cracked a grin as Eddie smacked him in the arm. “You can have my back any day.”

Buck looked, well, Eddie would have framed the look on Buck’s face if he could. It was a vision of pure joy, the simple sentence meaning more to both of them than anyone else could ever know, and Eddie had to resist the urge to pull him into a bone crushing hug as he kicked at the ground.

“Yeah. Or, you know, you could… You could have mine.”

If Eddie smiled any wider, he felt like his face was going to crack.

They were still not great—not by a long shot—but for the first time in almost six months, Eddie finally felt something close to closure, to peace, a starting point for the two of them that would take them both who-knows-where.

“Deal.”

And then, because nothing in Eddie’s life was ever easy, the ambulance exploded. Eddie wasn’t even phased at this point in his life—any exploding vehicle was fine by him as long as he wasn’t on it.

“Are, uh, are you guys hungry? There’s a great burger place around here, they’re open for another hour or so.”

Hanging back as the rest of his crew packed up, Bobby pulled his phone out of his pocket as it buzzed, a small smile gracing his lips as he unlocked it.

New Message from A - 11:12PM

Well? Was I right, or was I right?

“Cap, come on! Burgers wait for no man!”

To A - 11:14PM

They’re going to be one hell of a team.

#guardianangel!buck #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #911 #buddiefic #911fic #so happy to have this out of my drafts #srsly don't feel shy about pointing shit out to me #it's what I can do so I can an grow #FINALLY THIS IS DONE #I HATE IT ALREADY LMAOOO

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himbo-buckley · 5 years ago

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INTIMACY, SEX AND BUDDIE (BETTER KNOWN AS I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT THIS SHOW, SOME OF WHICH ARE RELATED TO THE BEFORE MENTIONED TOPICS) - Part 3

Well, hello there (again)!

 I got to say, this was both my favourite and least favourite part to write because by now all my theories are (hopefully) explained enough that I can just ramble about the characters and connections and ya’ll will forgive me if I stray away from what’s actually happening in this episode. Which I will do. A lot actually.

On the other hand side I have so many thoughts about what’s happening and this is gonna be long af as I started writing on part three at the same time as I wrote part 1 and 2 and I barely found things to cut, which means we are clocking in at a casual 7700 words. So maybe get that drink now, cause it’ll be a ride!

Also the links to part one and part two

And look, by now you probably know the drill but I’m just gonna give you my preface again:

This meta was supposed to be a lot shorter and only talk about how both Buck and Eddie use sex to distract their respective partners from whatever topic they actually wanted to talk about but since I decided to rewatch the show to make sure I don’t miss any such scenes, it has exploded a bit and taken on more topics

I should also mention that I am a Buddie shipper and while I tried, you will find several references and arguments for the ship in this Meta, not all of which necessarily call for a romantic pairing but just: These two are deeply connected and you cannot look at one without discussing the other and they are each other’s strongest emotional connection.

I should also preface this by saying that the whole of the 118 has some obvious intimacy / commitment issues except Bobby (which is sort of surprising) but *John Mulaney voice* we don’t have time to unpack all of that!

On another note I cuss a little in this Meta because my parents let me listen to TicTacToe as a small child and after that it never stuck that cussing is wrong so, uhm, parental supervision is advised or something

This Meta will so far have FOUR parts now. The original plan was to do three, one for each Season and is organised by episode so you could technically follow along, but due to personal reasons, also known as *feelings*, Season 3 has already exploded disproportionately and for readability reasons I have split it in two (this is part three, the cut will happen after Christmas, it works storyline-wise)

And now, for our next instalment of I read too much into things: Season 3A (also called: „Eddie Diaz, stop being such a boy scout (Wait, no, not like that!)“)

Episode 3.01:

911 as a show has a fairly interesting way of storytelling where it sometimes feels a little like they cut together snapshots of lives in regards to certain topics. And because of that you only ever see a small part of the lives of the characters. That being said: I hate hate hate how 5 months passed between the Season 2 final and the first episode of Season 3 and aside from a few offhand remarks we get virtually nothing. Also it’s very unrealistic that Bobby and Athena didn’t have any parties for 5 months, like nope, I don’t believe you show!

That being said, I appreciate how much time it took Buck to heal because it’s realistic! And also most importantly gets Oliver Stark a chance to truly shine!

I wanna take this chance real quick, to thank the producers and writer both for writing Evan Buckley the way they write him and for casting Oliver Stark to play him because omg, it works so well! Look, Oliver Stark is attractive. He is buff and handsome, but he is not perfect. He is Tinder-buff, not MCU-I haven’t seen a drop of water in a month-buff, he’s the kind of fit that will fill the whole screen one minute and make you say „Wait, I thought he was wider than this!“ the next (you know how everyone always talks about the hips to shoulder ration of Chris Evans? Yeah, the opposite of that) . And he has a really pretty face but his nose is a little too cocked and he has scars and there’s the „adorable facemark“ and he seems so damn dorky which is exactly why Evan „Buck“ Buckley works, why he is hot. And he gets to be emotional and sensitive and caring on top of that and yeah, I don’t know if I wanna be him or date him anymore either. Like he singlehandedly made me rethink my view on dating, just because I am hoping for someone like him.

Anyways, that’s probably something none of you wanted to read about in a META so we’ll get to the juicy stuff now, alright?

One thing that I realised as I watched season 3 for the third time just now is how often it repeats itself. It feels a bit stagnant at times, the way the characters make two steps forward and one step back all the time, most notably in Bobby.

I wanna talk about Bobby for once because you can not look at Buck in Season 3 without looking at Bobby as well. These two characters are connected the same way Buck is connected to Eddie. Most things Buck does character wise in Season 3 are caused by Bobby’s actions, in the same way most of Eddie’s are caused by Buck.

And the thing that 3.01 tells us from the get go? Bobby thinks of Buck as somewhat of a son (which we knew already) and Bobby sees himself in Buck, which is why he does what he probably hoped someone would have done for him the 10 or something years ago when he hurt is back and holds him back. There is also the fact that he tries to teach Buck to have a life outside the firehouse, though that is something he probably should at some point in the near future actually voice to Buck, because Buck on his own can not draw these conclusions from Bobby’s actions. Buck on his own thinks it’s about him not being good enough and so he works himself to the bone to try and proof otherwise. (Someone please just finally tell him what a good boy he is? Yeah?)

As for the scene during the party, you could actually see how much Buck had to force himself to be that open and that vulnerable with Bobby (and not just because he is *literally* having an embolism) and that hurts because to this day Buck has not realised that Bobby will always be there to catch him. Buck still thinks he needs to proof himself to Bobby because of his firing in Season 1. And would you believe I actually cried a little typing these words?

And now I’m gonna talk about my agenda, also known as Buddie real quick, and point you toward the fact that while we have seen Eddie be vulnerable with Buck and Buck be vulnerable with everyone else we have not seen Buck be audibly vulnerable with Eddie and I do not think this is a coincident at all.

Look, Eddie is a guarded guy, right? He has a hard time being vulnerable, a hard time asking for help, a hard time giving up control. But he does all these things with Buck and he does them willingly and with barely an outside push, which is different to say with Bobby. Eddie let’s himself fall with Buck and by doing so raises Buck’s self worth and gives him the feeling of being in control Buck craves so much (while Eddie sort of despises it because he feels like he always has to be the one in control), but it also means that Buck is afraid to let himself fall with Eddie because it might mean Eddie won’t trust him again. Buck generally is a very emotional guy and he doesn’t seem afraid to voice his weaknesses, in fact he is probably too aware of them and too willing to let others poke at them, except with Eddie. With Eddie Buck always tries for strong, because he knows Eddie needs him to be and because he thinks, if he’s not, Eddie will see what everyone else saw and leave him. On Eddie’s side I do think by now he is more than willing to catch Buck and still let himself be caught in return. At least at this point.

(also, if we do ever get Buddie I could see a reverse of the Shannon-Eddie situation happening where Eddie is the one being open and Buck has a hard time being emotionally vulnerable, afraid it’ll scare Eddie off and he’ll leave like everyone else.)

But then, one could also point out that Eddie probably knows all the things going on with Buck anyways because I truly think they know each other inside out and are two feathers of the same bird and same recognises same and all that - it’s just that Buck is someone who needs to actually voice his feelings to deal with them, so unless he voices his vulnerabilities to Eddie, for him, the other guy doesn’t know them. (Except Eddie does know.) (and man, I wish the rest of the 911 would finally figure out that with Buck you always - always - have to say things! You can’t just imply. You can’t think your actions speak loud enough. You need to actually use your words and do so in a way that leaves no doubt because that boy thinks so little of himself and he will make himself doubt every nice thing that ever happens to him.)

Now, moving back to what’s actually happening in the episode and why all of this is important:

We have the very important talk in the Station were text points out some of the things I just said and Eddie realises that he needs to do better, so he pulls a Buck and steamrolls him. (also do we truly believe that Carla was out of the country? Do we? Do we not think Eddie spent the whole ride over coaching his son on lying to his best friend because Eddie is just like that?)

Also I love how before this Maddie is talking to Josh and she says something along the lines of wether she should push Buck or coddle him and it cuts to Eddie trying the first.

On Eddie’s side of this meta we somewhat learn where Eddie’s issues stem from and it’s of course Daddy issues because this show loves them very much. (Seriously, out of 5 firefighters 3 have confirmed absent fathers causing issues and one has it heavily implied. Tim Minear, do you wanna talk?)

Also, Ramon Diaz probably threw in a „real men don’t cry“ with his macho speech about just brushing shit off and thereby emotionally crippling his child further, because he seems cliche like that.

Sidenote: The Buck and Christopher relationship is so beautiful and important and „Some cool outfits, too.“ is one of my favourite lines, though I do have to say - as someone who works professionally with kids - that this is what really shows how much Eddie truly thinks of Buck and how much he trusts him because it’s safe to assume that Buck has never been alone with Christopher or any child for longer and has never had to take care of one by himself and yet Eddie just trusts him to take care of his son for what is probably a 24h shift. Truly magnificent. An unparalleled relationship. So meaningful.

Episode 3.02:

No actual relevance but I do wanna point out that the thing about the mom being the love of boat guys life but her son being her’s? Yeah, that’s Eddie (and Buck).

Also, Buck’s just a natural at being a dad (not because of the fun stuff but the stuff when he knew exactly how to distract Christopher when those bodies floated by) and at some point I need Eddie to point this out to him and I need him to voice his jealousy about it, because Eddie? Not a natural dad.

(I actually think that is something that is true about a lot of things for these two. I mean yes, Buck is a hard worker but I think only in areas he is already naturally gifted (remember that whole thing with the Seals? “You just have to be badass, which I am?”) and he generally doesn’t try if things don’t come naturally because Buck hates failure because Buck already feels like a failure. Meanwhile Eddie seems like the kind of guy who has this huge capacity for learning, so even if something doesn’t come naturally to him (like fatherhood) he has the determination and willingness to try and try again until he finally gets it right and is perfect because Eddie, too, hates failure.) (And now I wanna see more about their childhoods because I could actually see Buck be somewhat of a gifted child in his youth who never learned how to actually apply himself and because of that has always been told he had so much wasted potential while Eddie was either an overarchiver or a slacker, I’m sorry I don’t make the rules. Or maybe I am projecting.)

Episode 3.03:

I read somewhere on tumblr that Ryan Guzman and his wife thought Eddie and Lena would be a thing and where actually on board and I was like? No?

I mean I do love the way she takes one look at him and decides he needs his ego checked (and also Eddie is like: ui, me like-y! (maybe because he misses another person that used to be an asshole to him right off the bat?)).

Also love all the references to Eddie being in the army („The 118 is huffing it“-scene comes to mind). Again, kudos to Ryan Guzman for always acting with all his body, because you can always feel the army training in his posture like the way he usually stands just a little bit straighter than everyone else (well, at least that’s what it looks like to me, someone who has not been in the Army and knows only like two people that got drafted and no one who went willingly, because my country generally doesn’t do that these days ).

As for what is happening in the episode, I think it’s a reference to Shannon that Eddie dealt with that couple that, despite loving each other a lot and getting along fairly well, decided to get divorced. Which is what 911 should have done with Shannon. (Me being salty about Shannon? It’s more likely than you think.)

I also think it’s a nice parallel the way both Lena and Buck are so desperate to search for their missing loved one with no regard for their own safety and I’m assuming Eddie saw Buck in Lena’s actions as well, which is why he trusts her so fast. (Because Eddie just like Buck is looking for connection and intimacy but Eddie is even worse at creating it than Buck, so he just tries to recreate the one working bond he truly has.) (Something actually proven in text by Eddie: becoming a firefighter because he misses the army.)

And I know everyone and their mother has already pointed out how Eddie was not worried about Chris at all because his son was with Buck and he knows Buck would never let anything bad happen to his son ever.

Which is why *that* scene is even more heartbreaking, because Eddie has so much trust in his Buck and kudos to Ryan Guzman because man, the way you see Eddie steel himself for what Buck is saying? The way you can feel him pulling himself together because Buck needs him to hear this. (Look, the scene is about a father learning from the person he trusts most in the world that his son might be dead and they could have easily forshadowed Eddie’s fighting ark by having him react negatively and violently here but instead he stays calm because it’s Buck and Buck for once needs him to be the one in control - also, on a less ship-y note because Eddie’s world is falling apart right there and he needs to keep in control because if he doesn’t, he will probably never be again.)

Which brings us to that scene in the loft, and listen, I know I said at the end of part 2 Eddie barely had any character development in the two seasons since we met him, but uhm, this scene? Proves he had some development, because right then right there he is so fucking vulnerable with Buck. It is of course part of him being a protector because just like with Shannon in 2.04 he realises that this is was Buck needs him to be right now, so vulnerable it is.

I do think however that it’s beautiful how Eddie apparently took the time during a fucking natural disaster to figure out that Evan Buckley needs him to use his actual words, so use his actual words he does.

And I do wanna point out that this is something he never had with Shannon, Eddie was never able to figure out what is wife of what? 7-8 years needed of him but he does know what his best friends needs. And wether that is just Buddie or just plain old character development, remains to be seen.

(Though we should mention that it wasn’t a permanent thing, Eddie does fail Buck a few times in Season 3 (but he also doesn’t a few other times) but we’ll get to that when we get to that!)

Also, honourable mention to Maddie Buckley-Kendall for getting that phone call and probably nearly dying of a heart attack and then having to race to the VA thinking the worst and probably imagining her very selfless brother either being already gone by the time she gets there or close to dead - only to probably arrive there and see Christopher in a bed with Eddie sitting next to him and Buck sitting vigil a few feet away because he doesn’t think he deserves to be with the Diaz’s anymore but he also can’t bear to part from them!

And another mention to the poor stranger who probably never got their phone back.

Also a teeny bit mad they forgot to give Oliver scars on his legs.

Episode 3.04

First of all I gotta say Eddie is such a boy scout goody two shoes with his whole „Well, it’s mandated!“ (also he’s been probably hanging out with Buck a buncha times in whatever many weeks passed since the Tsunami and therefore knew how hard his best friend worked on this and he’s gonna be supportive, kay?)

That being said, remember when I talked about two steps forward, one step back? Yeah, that.

As for the lawsuit, look, we could argue all day on wether it was justified or not, but I personally do think Buck had a basis. But he was also acting rash and hadn’t thought all the implications through and should have used his words instead, but quick reminder: Buck has severe abandonment issues and he has problems with emotional intimacy - so the whole talking about it? Not that easy.

Also, imagine working for months to come back to work, the one thing you think you’re good at and thinking you have everyone’s support only to find out the person you love like a father has betrayed you, probably with the knowledge of everyone else. Yeah, you’d lash out too!

Even though, I have to point out it’s not his normal MO (which is why we see him regret it almost immediately in the next episode).

As for Eddie in this episode, he has not one, not two, not three, but four whole conversations about feelings! You go buddy-boy. Embrace that character development! Don’t take a step back! … or, nevermind, we all know what happens next.

That being said I think it’s interesting that while Chimney clearly confides in him, Eddie does not confide in him in return but rather talks to female!Buck. I mean, talking about his struggles with his son and his family worked with him and Buck so why not with him and Lena (cause Lena isn’t Buck).

I do think Eddie and Chimney are close, but Eddie just doesn’t feel the same connection to him as he feels to Buck.

As for Eddie being so beautifully open and vulnerable with his son and saying like the exact opposite of what he had been taught: Eddie loves his son. He loves his son more than anything in the world. And if Eddie can’t let himself be vulnerable with him, who can he be vulnerable with? Especially when it helps Christopher.

(Also, Eddie by now recognises what is wrong with him, he just doesn’t think he can change it but he can prevent it from happening to his child.)

Episode 3.05:

This episode has a lot of shit happening and I have a lot of thoughts, most of which are relevant to the episode. But we’re gonna start slow, ease you in:

Boy do I love overprotective Dad!Eddie! How long do you think did it took Carla and Christopher to convince Eddie to let Chris sleep over at his friends? A month?

In other news Buck is just the picture of regret during the deposition and yeah, he should be. The whole thing is harsh. Never sue your friends, no matter how justified, if you want them to stay your friends! But it’s so obvious Buck didn’t know it was gonna go down this way because he did not think this through at all.

First off: Remember how in part 2 I said Buck and Eddie’s storylines were connected and how earlier I said Buck was the catalyst for Eddie like Bobby was for Buck?

Yeah, that’s the episode for all of this.

It’s not as obvious as in Season 2 because usually it happens over two episodes but it’s no coincident that after last episode Bobby triggered that shift in Buck, Eddie is now suddenly careering out of control as well - it’s because Buck is his catalyst, his *trigger*.

Please watch 3.04 and 3.05 back to back and tell me Eddie doesn’t make a 180 between those episodes. He goes from worried about his son to punching people in parking lots. What changed? Well, he could no longer talk to Buck. And Buck is his anker and his catalyst, the one person he doesn’t have to be in control with (which he really could use considering what he is going through with Christopher). And when you take that away he spirals. (Also there is the deposition where his best friend betrays him by talking about his dead for less than a year - wife, a topic Eddie has been avoiding in regards to his feelings since … well, the day it happened, probably.)

And I’m not saying the whole street fighting thing wouldn’t have happened if Eddie wasn’t such a boy scout and said, screw the chain of command and just called Buck to bail him out, but that’s what I’m implieing.

Also the scene between Eddie and Lena, I mean, I’ve already talked about it somewhere else but I do wanna point you to the way it is phrased: Eddie „wasn’t allowed“ to call Buck. Meaning he wanted to. But you know: Boy Scout.

Now, let’s talk about the grocery store fight because I have so many thoughts!

And what I love about these two episodes, as well as the next one, is that they show both the connection Buddie has as well as the contrasts between them:

One of the biggest differences in Buddie is how they deal with fear and obstacles and it is visible throughout all their lives and specifically these three episodes.

Evan Buckley is a force of nature, he is a fighter, he sets a goal and he reaches this goal with a single minded focus, steamrolling through everything in his way until he reaches said goal. Just look at the lawsuit and remember how his original plan was to get everyone to sign a letter of support for him.

When something frightens him, Buck doesn’t run away he runs right into it, tries to destroy it or be destroyed. He fights. And if that doesn’t work, he finds a way around the problem, but always going head to head with the thing because Evan Buckley is very determined and very self destructive.

Just look at the way he held onto Abby for nearly a year after she had left: Instead of dealing with his feelings of abandonment and the fact that the woman he loved left him, that boy dug his heel in and fought tooth and nail to keep what little he had left of her, of them. Refused to acknowledge being left for months. And when he finally leaves he literally compares himself to a ghost, because you know, he is just an empty shell at this point.

It’s also why he falls so hard for Ali because he is just desperately looking for something to cling to and so he transfers all those un-dealt feelings onto her and then he get’s hurt and his problems become bigger and different and Ali can’t deal - not surprising considering they had barely a foundation. They just went from 0 to 100 in 2 seconds and that just never works out, unless you’re in a very expensive sports car.

I also truly think at times Buck hides behind the loud mouthed, dumb adrenaline junkie persona he got going on as it keeps people from looking deeper, because Buck is very scared they won‘t find anything deeper - or worse, decide they don’t like what they see (and hey, he even got that confirmed by Ali leaving! and Abby! AND MOST IMPORTANTLY MADDIE!).

(Which, to push an agenda real quick, is why I ship Buddie so hard? Because they do have a foundation, they have been emotionally intimate with each other, they’ve seen the worst of each other and still went: I’m gonna have your back. And they have pulled a lot of shit on each other in the two years since meeting! Like, I’m sorry 911, I love you, but please never try and tell me they will have a deeper connection with anyone but each other because it’ll be a damn lie and you know it! If you don’t wanna do Buddie, let those boys get emotionally healthy and THEN give them an endgame but don’t try and replace Buddie with Loveinterests. I’m serious. I might stop watching!)

Eddie meanwhile is much more open with his feelings in the sense that he is less open in general so it’s far more noticeable when something is bothering him *because* he is subtle about it. Because Buck is so loud and so open and all about what you see is what you get, you don‘t assume he is hiding anything because you already see everything, right? (Always hide the real shit in plain sight, you guys, that‘s where no one remembers to look!) But Eddie, Eddie keeps his cards close. Sure he is funny and nice but he is also fucking reserved! And when something bothers him he draws into himself even more and that’s something that shows, that people will take notice of.

Eddies reaction to bad things (also known as *feelings*, because that boy is fucking repressed) happening is running away. And I am not saying he is a coward, I am saying he probably thinks he is and I am saying he runs away from his problems - that’s what 3.15 was about for Eddie: embracing his family (his vulnerabilities) and from what I‘ve seen in the last few days floating around in spoiler *now* Eddie has to learn to face his problems and not run away.

Which will be hard because Eddie deflects a lot.

It‘s funny (in a way that is not funny) that Buck, the fighter, is like the least aggressive guy around while Eddie, Mr quiet and reserved, who is all about running away from his problems, is so physically aggressive - except it is not and makes a lot of sense.

Season 3 truly shows how they deal with problems and I love it, I love them and this show so much!

Because Buck deals with the bombing by working tirelessly to come back to work, he deals with losing Christopher by nearly killing himself trying to find him and he deals with his fear of being replaced by filing the lawsuit to get his job back - which is also why I have to agree with Eddie: Buck truly has a one track mind. He sees the problem and nothing else. That makes him an amazing firefighter but an exhausting guy to be around because he does not give up.

I think in canon we only ever see Buck give up twice, maybe three times once with Abby and once with Christopher, both times he nearly killed himself first. (And one could argue that neither of these times he actually gave up, he was just out of options and time.) Tbh the only actual time he gave up was with Ali and that was probably his one track mind just not having any capacity to deal with a girlfriend on top of everything.

Eddie meanwhile deals with his wife dying and his best friend nearly dying twice and his son being traumatised and his best friend not being allowed back to work and his best friend filing that lawsuit by ... not dealing with it. He just moves on. Runs away from his feelings and his pain by fighting. He can’t deal with - can’t fight - his actual feelings so he fights something else. He lashes out. Becomes feral. That’s literally the gist of this episodes voiceover!

So tbh as much as I like that they resolved that lawsuit within one episode I am a bit bummed that we hardly saw anything of the 118 and especially Eddie without Buck there (specifically during his fighting time) mainly because I think we would have seen Hen and Chimney with Cap and Eddie maybe with Lena but generally keeping his distance, hiding away from them. (I don’t think Eddie just brushing past Buck in 3.06 was just about Buck.)

I truly meant what I said about 2.01 and Eddie taking one look at Buck being an asshole and deciding this one is gonna be his friend. Because while Hen and Chimney have been nice and friendly with him from the get go, they never give him shit the same way they give each other or Cap or Buck, and Eddie needs that. He needs someone who isn’t afraid to call him out and push back, both to get Eddie out of his own head and to make him feel comfortable enough to do the same. Which is why he bonded so fast with Buck and Lena (also, would he have bonded with her like that if Buck had been there? Probably not. Eddie is like the definition of „I only have the emotional capacity to care about three people at a time and two of them are my son“), because both held him accountable for his shit, which no one else on the show does, specifically not Hen and Chimney who treat Eddie as the guy who is good at most things so they just overlook the shitty stuff. And Cap does the same, because Eddie has a lot on his plate and Cap understands his issues better than anyone else’s.

Ya‘ll just need to watch the supermarket scene! It‘s all there!

Buck is in the store trying to create a moment so he can talk to all of them (meaning he is pushing, leaning into the problem until it gives), tries to make the problem go away by apologising (remember what I said about trying another way? Working hard didn’t work. Accepting his predicament didn‘t work. The lawsuit didn’t work. So now he tries talking it out - which he should have done to begin with, but hey, I’m not his therapist (sadly)) (It’s too bad it only worked to a certain level as we saw in the next episode but oh well, that’s actually realistic.)

Meanwhile Eddie has none of it because Eddie is currently running away from his problems so he can’t have his problem stand in front of him buying cat laxatives. So Eddie goes feral, and makes it all about Buck and his mistakes and then throws Christopher under the bus because that man is fighting for his life and he has nothing left to loose!!! I truly love this scene so much, you guys. It’s so revealing about these characters.

(I also shouldn’t have to point out that most of the stuff Eddie said to Buck was about Shannon, right? He was saying the things he was feeling about Shannon and he was throwing them at Buck because Buck was the one who brought it up, but also … look, it’s just ship-y from here all right?)

As for what I said about Hen, Bobby and Chimney in regards to Eddie? I know Chimney made some remarks but come on! Had it been any of them or Buck who yelled at someone like that they would have all interrupted and tried to diffuse the situation. But because it’s Eddie they sort of let it happen. (Also tbh because it’s Eddie and Buck and everyone is a little mad at Buck but they are something different to each other.)

Also, not to push my agenda, can we just talk about how comfortable Eddie has to be with the 118 but especially Buck, how much he has to care, to scream at him like that? Because he is reserved and he always tries to let go of his feelings and he hides so much. And I know part of it is that Eddie is coiled too tight already and about to burst but it’s also about Buck and the fact that Eddie expected better from him because Eddie has such a high opinion of him. Like sure he gives him shit sometimes but I think it’s because Eddie always expects the most of Buck (and Buck rarely lets him down). (And now I did go all ship-y)

Just compare this with his relationship with Shannon: with Shannon Eddie always is the one to make decisions, in part because he believes that’s what a man should do but also in part because he doesn’t trust her - and that was even before she left. Eddie trusts no one but himself for the most part but he does trust Buck, because to Eddie Buck can hardly do wrong. Which is why the whole law suit probably hit him so hard cause he expects everyone to let him down all the time but Evan Buckley? The guy he trust with his son more than anyone else? That guy? He expected better off! And that my friends is beautiful.

As for the voiceover it does poise one very central question for Eddie’s character: If he gives up control, will he be able to regain it? Because that is Eddie’s biggest fear and why he always holds everything so tight: he thinks if he lets the floodgates open once, he’ll never be able to close them.

In other news: Ryan took his shirt off.

Episode 3.06:

Before I write another 2400 words about our boys, I wanna remind you of that scene of Bobby, Chimney and Eddie wearing sun glasses, with Hen wearing her normal glasses, standing round, looking like an album cover! *plays „Clique“ by Kanye West, Jay-Z, Big Sean*

Do you think Athena and Hen talked about Bobby and how he would / does handle Buck? They did, didn’t they?

Also love how Hen and Chimney are super welcoming because one, they know what it’s like to be the odd one out and two, they love Buck and actually see his point of view. I believe. Now if only someone would remember to tell him.

Like, come on, they probably sit in the ambulance gossiping all the time!

I really love that we saw some bonding between Buck and Hen and Buck and Chimney in this episode because as much as I love Buddie we do not see enough of those combos (we don’t see enough of Buddie either).

Also the whole two steps forward, one step back? That is Bobby in this episode.

Now, we have to talk about the apology scene because this is Buck, expressing himself, being vulnerable. I love this episode a lot especially in regards to this Meta because here we see all the things I explained for the last episode: Buck is expressing, trying his best to make the problem go away while Eddie avoids it.

Also, you know, there is the whole illegal fighting thing that is visible on Eddie and look, if you did something like that would you willingly spent time with the one person who will call you out on it or will you avoid him like the plague? Especially if the last time you saw him you were screaming bloody murder at him in the middle of a grocery store! And the next time you see him he calls you out for your bruising. Yeah, guys, that’s just realistic.

Also bit of a reach, but the reason this is part of my discussion of 3.06 and not 3.05, which is Eddie’s relationship to Buck. Remember how 3.03 ended? That beautiful moment that made Oliver Stark cry on Instagram live? Remember how Eddie said „It’s his turn to save you now.“? Yeah, what happened to that?

Okay, Eddie is not an expressive guy. He is bad with feelings. He hates having them. And here comes Evan „Buck“ Buckley and he is just the polar opposite. Sure, he’d rather not talk about his feelings either but he has a lot of them and he *likes* having all of them and he wallows in them and that is probably a lot for a guy like Eddie to deal with. Especially when I do think Eddie understands somewhat where Buck came from and he probably feels guilty af about making Buck feel like he was being replaced. About not seeing the pain Buck was in. About not being there for him - which is why he lashes out, because guilt can make the healthiest people do horrible shit and Eddie is far from any definition of healthy at that point.

But I do have to say I am reaching with this and if I ever meet Tim Minear I will have him explain the fight scene and the apology scene to me word for word because it has to be deeper, right?

It can’t just be Eddie lashing out, and saying exactly the things he knows will hurt Buck because he is mad mad mad? Yeah, I know, whatever.

(Because even if that is the case? This is still the scene where a guy uses his best friend as a substitute to get his anger for his dead wife out in a somewhat healthy manner.)

Which is why I love both these scenes immensely, because it shows exactly how differently Eddie and Buck deal with things, because Eddie avoids them or gets mad and screams at them while Buck, actually does something fairly healthy and try to talk it out - but like only as his last option. He tries anything but talking before that, except with Eddie because they are connected and he finally *finally* lets himself be emotionally vulnerable with Eddie.

Which is also why the apology scene is so important to me, despite thinking while a bit rash, Buck wasn’t exactly wrong in his actions. I would have hated if they just brushed the grocery store over or made it about Eddie and the issues he had at the time. Instead they gave us this beautiful scene where Buck finally - FINALLY - gets to explain himself to someone, especially Eddie, the guy who he hurt the most because Buck is his anchor, and Eddie actually listens and then he gets it and he is like, oh, I wasn’t wrong! He really deserves all my trust!

So you know, that’s just beautiful, wether it’s platonic or romantic.

Episode 3.07: no relevance

Episode 3.08:

I wanna say something right of the bat that is probably controversial as hell:

Eddie did not want to share with Bobby. Eddie likes Bobby, he trusts Bobby, but he wasn’t really feeling like sharing with Bobby.

The reason Eddie talked with Bobby about all of this? Well, first of all it was bound to happen, sometimes things need to be said and then it doesn’t really matter who you’re talking to.

Also Eddie? Boy Scout. Army man. Chain of Command. If your superior officer tells you to share - you share! There. I said it. (This is not a Bobby Nash - stan account)

Also: „A friend of mine told me I needed an outlet - think I found it.“ - no, you didn’t Buddy boy, it’s why I’m currently 10.000 words into an episode by episode analysis of your character! (can you tell I am slowly going off the rails with this?)

But I do love how we finally got to see sassy!Eddie again. I missed you, babe!

As for the kitchen scene and the look, yes, I know, Maddie was looking at them like that because she just called them out about gossiping and they turned around and gossiped, buuuut … ya’ll also realise that Chimney was apparently *not* aware that anything was wrong with Eddie when Eddie had been acting weird way longer then Hen. He nearly punched Buck in a grocery store, he comes in with new bruises like 3 times a week but sure mate, he is all normal! (Or you know, Buck is just hyperfocused on Eddie)

One thing that freaks me out every time I watch this episode is how completely fucking nonchalant Eddie seems by the fact that he nearly fucking killed a guy. To quote Lena Bosko, professional plot pusher: „What the hell, Eddie?“

And then of course 3.15 happened and we saw Eddie shoot multiple people, so he probably learned how to compartmentalise and I guess I need to remember this is a TV show and no one actually died. But wow, I really need this addressed more because I have such mixed feelings about this.

And with regards to this I wanna say something even more controversial: Eddie got off easy. Yes, the guy willingly went into that ring but Eddie nearly killed him and all Bobby wanted to talk about was why Eddie was fighting? Again: What the hell?

Another thing this episode firmly proofs is that Lena is really just a poor substitute for Buck because Eddie doesn’t actually know anything about her, he just uses her as a sounding board because, well, Buck wasn’t there and he was lonely?

As for the actual conversation happening, yes, there we have it, in plain sight, Eddie needs to be in control because he thinks this is what Christopher needs him to be and as I’ve said before Eddie will always do anything for Christopher, even if he hurts himself in the process.

Also, remember when Lena told him he needed to show and tell his son how he felt so Christopher knows it’s okay to feel that way as well? Clearly didn’t stick of he would not feel this intense need to be in control. Which is realistic, you don’t just unlearn behaviour you had for like 30 years just because someone gives you some good advice once! (Man, my life could be so different!)

I’m also not a fan of Bobby’s „She died.“ because while yes, it wasn’t her fault that she left this time, grief isn’t rational. And even without the looming divorce Eddie has every right to be upset and to be angry at the world, and yes, even his dead wife. She’s dead. It doesn’t hurt her anymore. (Although that would be one feeling he should probably keep from Christopher.)

Not to mention Eddie feels guilty as hell. His anger? Mostly at himself. The sentence “I broke his mother”? Broke me as well.

But I also understand Eddie because while he may be grieving, his son is clearly traumatised by the whole situation, as seen in 3.04, and Eddie is trying his best and look, his outlet wasn’t the healthiest but um, at least he realised he needed one? He addressed that? That’s growth (sorta).

Amount of shirtless!Eddie scenes: 2, which feels a bit like overkill for one episode (pace yourself, Tim, this isn’t Game of Thrones)

Episode 3.09:

Frank! My main man Frank! Ui, I love him! When Tim calls me to come consult for Season 4 because clearly by now I am an expert on his characters and the way they should act, I will tell him to bring Frank back. I miss Frank. I hope he’s doing okay. He deserves the world. Also really wanna meet Rosemary.

And hey, as someone who has worked in the mental health sector and probably will again come October (if I manage to finish my degree by then, urgh, Corona, you are destroying my thesis!), I love that scene on the sofa so much! All of them openly sharing that they have been in therapy and talking about their therapists and just, uh, that scene makes me all tingly!

Before we get into all the emotional things I’m just gonna add the scene on the sofa to my list of scene I don’t fully understand. Like, what emotion exactly was Eddie supposed to be conveying because to me he sounds angry. And why should Eddie be angry about Buck sleeping with his therapist? What reason could he have?

Okay, yeah, maybe it’s a little exasperation and annoyance because apparently Evan Buckley is just coasting through life and doesn’t even take therapy seriously. Idk. I haven’t read the script.

But it does lead us to Buck giving Eddie shit, because, as I’ve said before, that’s what Buck does.

As for the therapy scene, yay, there is a mention of the nearly dead guy! Who is not dead. Yay!

I do love Eddie’s reasons for going to therapy and really trying, even though he is not clicking with Frank. He is such a good dad! (Also I’ve been debating for like 20 minutes whether Eddie would be more comfortable sharing with a woman or with a man and for some reason (his connection with Buck vs his relationship with Shannon) I think he’d be more comfortable with a man. Idk. I could be wrong. - Also Eddie is probably always uncomfortable talking about his feelings, so there is that!) His reasoning shows also yet again what I said about both Buck and Eddie before: they are protectors. They will make themselves vulnerable to help someone else. It’s a thing.

Also I pulled out my pocket edition of ICD-10 to check and while we don’t have enough information to give a full diagnosis, it’s safe to say that he is supposed to be going through a depressive episode. Because yes, sometimes depressed people aren’t sad, sometimes they are fucking angry.

Now, as for the Evan Buckley of it all and that scene: I read another Meta by someone clearly much better at this than me that stated Eddie uses Sarcasm as a way to deflect, which is exactly what is happening here because Eddie is not as fine with everything that happened as he pretends to be. I think he has just come to the sudden and horrible conclusion that his tipping point has been Buck no longer being in his life and so he decided it was easier to just move on then deal with his feelings (which is what got you into this mess in the first place, Edmundo, so please rethink,) if that means Buck back in his life.

I also think Eddie deflects here because he realises how much what he did and what he said actually hurt Buck in return and Eddie doesn’t fully know how to deal with that. And look, if they actually start discussing their issues then Eddie will have to admit his guilt and Eddie will have to say he’s sorry and right then he is still too pissed to do so, so he decides to move on.

Ah, the wonderful clash of Eddie thinking actions speak louder than words but Buck needing to hear the actual words.

Sidenote: I sent the kitchen scene to my roommate, stopped before they played the video game and asked her what she thinks happened next. And to quote „Love me <3 <3 <3. Please fuck me“ - because yes, she did take one look at them and decide the one with the puppy dog eyes was a bottom. That’s also a quote.

Episode 3.10:

Eddie really is trying so hard to be a good dad, isn’t he?

I also love the little head shake Eddie gives after Chris ask Buck about spending Christmas with him, because he clearly has already talked about the whole thing with Buck. And I’m not gonna talk about the framing. Other’s have done that before and I don’t actually know that much about it in first place.

Also it is cute as all hell that Chris asked Buck in the first place and also heartbreaking.

Other than that this episode doesn’t have that much of a relevance for this meta, because if I have to start discussing Buck’s other issues as well this will never be done.

Before I let you go, I wanna say something real quick:

In the past few days there have been several posts about content creators and liking vs commenting / reblogging on my dash and I just wanna say this is true for meta writers as well! Look, I love everyone who likes this because validation, but I’m not actually writing this meta for myself, I’m writing this because I have thoughts and I wanna share them with the rest of the class and have the class discuss it with me!

So please, reblog this and comment under or in the tags or come to my ask or my messages, even if it’s only to tell me that my punctuation is shit!

Anyways, @angelcamael and @greyhello here’s part 3!

#buck meta #eddie meta #buddie meta #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buck #buddie #911 meta #911 #911 fox #textpost #mine #meta #season 3 #my meta

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cherishingstydia · 5 years ago

Note

For the 5+1 for buddies could you do like a 5 times they almost got caught and the 1 time they did? Maybe the whole 118 fam caught them??

Buck and Eddie had secretly began dating and they couldn’t keep their hands off eachother. They both definitely had insatiable sex drives.

The 118 was having a game night at Bucks. Eddie walked in the door immediately grabbing Buck and kissing him.

“Hey what if someone else was here?” Buck laughed.

“I don’t care it would be worth it that was a hell of a kiss.”

Eddie pinned Buck to the door to kiss him when the door handle stared to jiggle. Luckily Eddie was pushing hard on the door and Maddie couldn’t get it open.

“Evan unlock the door!”

Bucks eyes widened before motioning Eddie to couch. Eddie laughed before plopping on the couch.

“Why was the door locked?” Maddie asked.

“Um it’s been sticking a lot lately I need to tell the super.” Buck lied.

“Ok well just make sure you don’t accidentally get locked out.” Maddie smiled.

Bobby made ribs at work and Buck had barbecue sauce all over his lips and fingers and began licking it all off. His eyes met Eddies they were dark and full of desire.

“Excuse me I need to go call Chris.” Eddie said excusing himself.

Buck waited a few moments before “accidentally” spilling his water on his shirt.

“Um be right back I need to change into a dry shirt.” Buck smiled.

He got to the locker room and Eddie was immediately kissing him.

“Babe they might see. If you wanna keep doing this let’s just tell everyone.” Buck said between kisses.

“This is hot and they’re gonna give us shit which I can handle, but can we just keep it between us. If we wait a few more weeks no one wins the bet meaning the money will be donated rather than anyone here getting it.”

“Hey Buck did you want more ribs?” Bobby said voice getting closer.

Buck pushed Eddie away and took off his own shirt. Eddie exited the locker room turning around to throw Buck a wink after he passed Bobby.

The 118 were out drinking and Buck had the look the one Eddie couldn’t resist. To be fair any look on Buck was hard to resist, but this one especially.

Eddie made an excuse to go to the bathroom, and Buck said he was getting more drinks.

They both had actually gone in the bathroom to make out. They were so wrapped up in it they didn’t realize how long they were gone.

“Eddie?” Chimney said.

Eddie placed his hand over Bucks mouth.

“Yeah?”

“You ok in here you’ve been in here a while.”

“Fine! Be out soon.”

“Also where’s Buck?”

“What? Why would I know that? Isn’t he getting drinks?” Eddie panicked.

“I’ll look again.” Chimney said before exiting the bathroom.

They both sighed after chimney left.

“If these stalls didnt cover from the floor up he’d have seen our feet, and caught us. Although he probably wouldn’t have admitted he saw just because he wants the bet money.” Buck laughed.

Chris was at Abuelas so Buck was actually able to spend the night. Well spend the night in Eddies room usually he’d sneak back to they couch.

Buck and Eddie slept in late and Buck crept out to the bathroom and on his way back he was about to go back on Eddies room until he heard Chris.

“Bucky!” Chris squealed.

“Hey bud.”

“Where’s your blanket? It’s not out.”

“Oh I fell asleep with out it but it’s ok. I just used the one on the back of the couch.”

“Where is Eddie?” Abuela asked.

“He must still be asleep!” Buck laughed.

“I guess if Chris isn’t here he he’d sleep all day!”

Buck wasn’t convinced abuela didn’t know what was going on, but she didn’t act like it so maybe she didn’t realize.

They were playing card with Hen between calls.

“Round two?” Buck smiled.

“I’m too tired for a round two.” Eddie yawned.

“That’s not what you were saying last night.” Buck laughed.

Eddie went wide eyed as Hen shot them a confused look.

“Yeah because I like to win so we played until I came out on top.” Eddie said really not meaning to make it sound even more sexual than he already had.

“Men.” Hen rolled her eyes and shook her head.

+1.

They were cleaning the station today Buck and Eddie were told to organize the closet. They were happy they had an actual excuse to sneak away.

Eddi decided to give Buck a blow job.

“You’re so good at that.” Buck moaned rather loudly.

“Shhh keep quiet cariño.”

Buck was able to keep his sounds pretty quiet until he came.

“Your turn for a treat.” Buck smirked unhooking Eddies belt and sliding his hand in his pants.

“Fuck!” Eddie gasped.

Buck quickly kissed him to help mask the moans.

“And you tell me I’m loud.” Buck laughs.

“You’re just so good with your hands.” Eddie panted.

Once they finished up they realized they forgot the stuff they were supposed to return to the closet. They walked out to see everyone give them a look.

“Not at work ok.” Bobby shook his head.

“Um.” Buck gulped.

“I knew it! Maddie knew it! Hen knew it! Even your abuela knew it!” Chimney laughed.

“I’ve known Buck wanted Eddie since his first day.” Bobby laughed. “Come in early tomorrow to fill out the paper work for HR.”

Bucks cheeks were bright red.

“So who had 3 weeks ago in the bet because that’s the winner.” Eddie laughed.

“Actually your Abuela.” Chimney laughed.

“My own flesh and blood bet on me.” Eddie said.

“Well you two idiots danced around eachother for over a year.” Hen said.

“Well were togeter now that’s all that matters.” Eddie grinned. “Now if you’ll excuse us. Me, and my boyfriend need to go finish organizing the closet.”

#buddie #cherishingstydiawrites

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0ciestiel0 · 5 years ago

Text

Buddie Appreciation/Ted Talk

Buddie Appreciation

This is going to be extremely long, basically a novel. For Real, this is loooong. I have tried my best to organize what we have for Buck and Eddie’s relationship and the building up that has been done and give some theories/explanations for our Buddie moments. I don’t necessarily mean that in the totally romantic sense as they aren’t actually a couple as of now, but I discuss why Buddie is a ship and why it is a valid ship and what it seems like the writers are doing. I cover all of seasons 1-3.I have posted everything before the updates sections before, but this is the complete seasons 1-3. Without further ado,

Welcome To My Ted Talk

So obviously Buck and Eddie are close. Buck calls him his best friend in Searchers. They didn’t start out that way, however.

Buck was jealous of Eddie. Not just because he was a new hot guy who was in his turf and he felt threatened with that whole hot firefighter calendar but of how easily the team accepted Eddie into their ranks. Buck had to fight and earn a place and respect but Eddie just walked in and had it. It stung and you could see it in Bucks facial expressions and overall attitude.

However, that animosity quickly subsided the minute he and Eddie share an intense call. He sees that Eddie has experience and skill. Eddie offers him to have his back and Buck offers the same. But Eddie acknowledges Buck’s skill. He tells him he’s good under pressure. He offers verbal praise which I think is something Buck kinda craves. He seems to need that verbal validation. He must not have had that unconditional love growing up, at least from his parents and Maddie left for school and then got married and had her own set of problems. But Eddie gave that validation. That was a very quick progression to friends but not necessarily unreasonable given Buck’s personality.

They slowly bond over their time being partnered in the field. Buck spends the most time with Chris out of anyone else on the team. Buck helps Eddie out, giving him rides, going to see Santa, getting Eddie Carla, and who knows what else we haven’t seen. The lady elf even thought they were a couple and Chris was their son. Buck obviously cares about Chris. He loves spending time with him. When Eddie brings him to the station Buck was already informing Bobby and getting the necessary permissions. And he was Playing with him on the fire pole with Eddie. Maddie even picks up on their closeness by teasing him about having boy-crush on Eddie.

Eddie talked to Buck about his relationship with Shannon. Buck was the one to take Eddie to the school to make sure Chris was ok and to pick him up, after the earthquake.

There was a lot of this trust built up and then Eddie emphasizes it when he drops Chris off with Buck before the tsunami. He drops by Bucks unannounced, clearly having a key to his place. Like it’s normal for Eddie to just show up without warning. I bet only Maddie would have a key besides Eddie. He gets Buck out of bed, not caring about his personal space. He says Chris is spending time with His Buck today. He’s Chris’s Buck. And maybe Eddie’s too. We don’t really know Eddie’s full meaning behind those words. We’ve never seen Eddie leave Chris with anyone but his family or Carla prior to this. He has a very overprotective nature with Chris. He wouldn’t even trust Shannon with him when she first came back.

And with Shannon is the first time we see Eddie get kind of angry at all. This is important for later. Chris has been the only thing that Eddie expresses lots of emotion for, aside from from his anger at Shannon which is still about Chris.

Then we have the tsunami episodes. And Eddie was happy to show everyone the selfies Buck was sending. He didn’t even seem worried that Buck and Chris were out that day. He likely assumed they were at the movies but still. He trusted Buck. And after Cap said that Buck still has them even if he doesn’t know it Eddie has that look of like ohhhhhh. And boom. Christopher basically becomes Bucks therapy.

And after. That scene at the end of Searchers. Where Eddie tells Buck there’s no one is this world he trusts more with his son than Buck, that’s intense. That’s meaningful. Parents just don’t say that to anyone, friends included. He also said Buck loved Christopher enough to never stop trying. Also an important thing to note. And Buck needed to hear that. Buck needs verbal affirmations it seems. He needs to hear that Eddie and Chris are still going to be a part of his life. That Eddie doesn’t hate him. That Chris doesn’t hate him.

Now to this whole lawsuit non-sense. After the tsunami Buck was cut off from his team. Even Eddie and Chris it seemed. Chris was having nightmares but Eddie didn’t go to Buck for it. It didn’t seem like anyone came around Buck much. And then he comes to find out Lena has taken his locker, his place as Eddie’s field partner. They taped over his name. Eddie is clearly spending time with her. It was all too much for Buck after the loss of no one coming around and he did something stupid. He filed the lawsuit. All he wanted was to get back with his 118 family. Including Eddie and Chris. I think the thought of losing Eddie as his best friend hurt him the most. He didn’t mean to cut of ties with Chris. He never wanted to hurt his family, especially Chris. He just wanted to feel like he belonged again. Like he hadn’t lost his family.

But he did act rashly. And Eddie took his rash decisions the hardest. Which came out at the grocery store. His whole speech was I couldn’t call you. I couldn’t reach out to you. It may have started with Chris misses you but it led to I need you why didn’t you consider that. It also made clear how much Buck means to Eddie. How much Eddie considers Buck a parental figure to Chris. The only other time Eddie got emotional was with Shannon. He felt betrayed when she left. When she left Chris. And it seems like Eddie had very similar feelings here. Like he and Buck had built this relationship and that relationship included Chris and then Buck just up and leaves. It’s like he stopped trying. If he loved Chris so much why would he have done this. To Eddie that felt like a Shannon betrayal all over again and he snapped. Which makes his grocery store outburst make so much more sense. And I think Chim was clearly picking up on just how intense this outburst from Eddie really was.

And It wasn’t just that he couldn’t talk to Buck either but that was certainly part of it. Buck was obviously Eddie’s first choice to bail him out of jail. He said to Lena he couldn’t call the team, he couldn’t call Buck. He separated Buck from the team. Like Buck was more to him than just a colleague or work friend. That he can trust Buck when he can’t trust anyone else. Buck obviously means a lot to Eddie. He even looked ready to deck Buck before the car accident in the parking lot happened. And what happens next? Eddie goes and does illegal street fighting. And Buck? He looked crushed when he heard that Eddie and Chris are hurting. I bet that’s exactly why he gave up on the lawsuit. He didn’t want millions. He wanted his family. He was wondering where Eddie was at the rage room. Just wait until Buck finds out about that. I have a feeling he will be the one to pull Eddie back from this spiral that he’s on.

Updates:

First thing I’d like to add into this is how the directors/writers add in these very…romantic tropey things with Buck and Eddie. Like how they set up shots for example. During Eddie’s ceremony when he’s finally like not a probationary firefighter and Chris is walking his helmet up the aisle and they have in frame: Eddie’s Abuela, Christopher coming up the middle, and Buck. And let’s take a min to look at Buck’s face as he sees Chris walking to his dad. It’s the face you’d expect a proud mom to have. But anyway. The fact they put Buck and Eddie’s Abuela in the same shot like that seems intentional and seems meaningful. Because Chris and his Abuela are two very important people to Eddie. And they have now included Buck into that moment. Giving us the impression Buck is as important to Eddie as his son (well almost, No One will be more important than Chris to Eddie but you know what I mean) and his Abuela.

Also, During Buck’s welcome back party we see Cap push Eddie, who was looking already ready to pounce, right to Buck to get the first hug. Everyone else waits while Eddie gets to greet his best friend first. And give him a very not bro-like hug. This kind of setup is also something we normally see with romantic partners. The love interest being the first to greet or hug or whatever.

Then we have that shot when Buck finally confronts Eddie for ghosting him when he comes back to the station. When they are standing apart Buck to the left Eddie to the right. It’s a very couple dynamic cinematography. Then after all is said and done, Eddie is still lying to Buck. He won’t meet Buck’s eyes. Like he knows if he makes eye contact Buck will push to find out what Eddie’s been secretly up to. And he knows he’d probably tell him. He tends to do that with Buck. He didn’t exactly want to talk about his relationship with Shannon when they took Chris to see Santa but it happened anyway. He talks to Buck. And Eddie currently doesn’t want to talk.

Next we have Buck and Eddie having dinner together at Bucks place with Christopher. We never see Eddie having dinner or hanging out like that with the other fire fam. Maybe as a group sometimes but never alone. And Eddie, once again, seems perfectly comfortable in Bucks place. we’ve seen he has a key when he showed up to get Buck out of bed pre-tsunami. And now we see him taking plates to the sink like he’s done that a million times before. He didn’t need to ask Buck what he wanted him to do.

And then we have that conversation in the kitchen. While Eddie does seem to have forgiven Buck, for real this time, Buck can’t seem to forgive himself. He apologizes for like the hundredth time. And Eddie is honestly shocked. He thought Buck knew things were good. But to Buck things weren’t. He still felt awful. He never meant to hurt his basically family like that. I think this is an interesting parallel here back to Shannon. She wanted Eddie to forgive her but she never really apologized. Not really. Eddie said he CAN forgive her. But wasn’t sure if he could trust her. He said he forgave Buck. No can, no maybe words. I think a lot of that has to do with their approach’s. Buck went out of his way to show Eddie he was sorry. He verbally said it multiple times. Eddie saw his remorse. He saw how much Buck was hurting just by the thought of hurting him and Christopher. That’s why Eddie thought they were past it. And why Buck didn’t. Buck seems pretty insecure with the people in his life. Like if they don’t tell him straight out what’s up he will worry. I don’t think Eddie’s the only one who feels like he’s not enough. I think Bucks love language thingy would be words of affirmation. He needed to hear Eddie tell him they were past it. To see Eddie really had forgiven him. And once they do get past it they are back to their weird flirty but not flirty thing they do. ([i](I mean did we all see Buck saunter over to Eddie with hands on his belt telling him he could take him?? Like that was a flirty way to say that, Buck))

And I think it says a lot that Eddie says his kind of therapy is just being with Buck and Chris. Buck does seem to be a grounding point for Eddie. Saying that out loud to Buck I think was important too because like I mentioned above Buck needs to hear things. Hearing that tells Buck that Eddie loves spending time with him. With his son. Basically like it’s his ideal day. It makes him happy.

And then we have the Christmas episode. Eddie invites Hen and Denny over to build gingerbread houses with Chris. But he also invites Buck. Hen points that out. All three of the boys. Buck, Chris, and Denny. Eddie knows how much Buck means to Chris. But I also think on some level he’s moral support for Eddie since he just told Hen that Chris was mad at him or upset really because he had to work on Christmas. And then Chris asks, His Buck, if he can spend Christmas with him. Like if he can’t have his dad he can have his Buck. Which is saying something right there. He knew he was going to be with his Abuela and his aunt but he still asked Buck. Buck obviously has a special place in Chris’s life for him to feel that way. To ask that kind of question knowing the alternative choice. But of course they both work and Eddie and Buck look heartbroken when Buck has to tell that to Chris. Let’s not overlook the face Eddie makes when he watches them make the gingerbread houses. Eddie looks so…happy when he looks over to Buck helping the kids. He doesn’t really look at other people that way.

Then at the station during the dinner, Buck is sitting next to Chris. Or more like Chris gets to sit next to both his dad and his Buck. They group Buck with the Diaz family a lot during this part. When Buck gives Chris his gift, it’s Chris, Buck, Eddie, and his Abuela off to the side. During dinner they sit like a family. During the fire fam photo Buck stands next to Eddie and the Diaz clan. When they return to the station to find all their family there the look on Bucks face is pure joy as he sees Eddie see Chris. And as he watched Eddie rush to Chris. Buck to doesn’t really make that face for other people. He made a similar face when Chris walked Eddie’s helmet up to Eddie after his probation status was up.

The writers and directors are intentionally making Buck look like part of Eddie’s family. They started this in season two but it’s increased since then. The way they film the shots, the way they write the dialogue, and the way the actors act the parts all add up to a very romantic/family centered relationship.

[c]It makes me wonder how much is implied off screen between Buck and Eddie. Like how much time does Buck really spend with the two, how much co-parenting are we not seeing. Because Chris isn’t attached to anyone else from the fire fam like he is Buck. It must mean Buck spends quite a bit of time with them. Kids don’t just get attached like that otherwise.

Episode 11 of season 3. So they start off giving us an odd look between Buck and Eddie on being asked if they are single. Was that necessary? Why did they look at each other? Are they setting up a not single scenario? In all honesty I feel like it’s too late to give us a love interest for either of them this far into a season for it to be a serious love interest.

Then we have Maddie scolding Buck for not bringing a gift to Eddie’s house. He didn’t need Maddie to “save him from himself”. Buck knows when to bring gifts, he’s done so at least twice before. Like with Bobby and Athena’s Christmas thing he brought like wine and eggnog. So he didn’t bring a gift because he was being forgetful or rude he did it because he doesn’t feel like a guest in Eddie’s house. Because Eddie has made him feel this way. Eddie wants him to feel that way. So when he says this is Eddie’s house, he’s not really a guest, both he and Eddie mean that.

Eddie also gives Buck and Chris that really soft but huge smile he only gives them while Buck was playing with Chris on the couch with Albert. And Buck hovers next to Albert and Chris as everyone is getting dinner, like he needs to supervise.

Episode 12 of season 3. Now this episode was stressful for many Buddie shippers I’m sure. But we are not yet to the famous line of Dante “Abandon all hope ye who enter here”.

Yes, Eddie does flirt with that teacher. But Eddie is still human and the pretty girl kinda flirted with him. And sometimes there is a “mistake” relationship before the real romance happens. Many late season love interests don’t end up staying on tv shows. They are a stepping stone almost. If she does stay at all or more like if they continue to pursue this or if Eddie leaves it. Who knows where they were going with this, it could be a thing or it could end at flirting. Although I do fail to see how they could possibly build to something as good and developed with a new love interest as they have with Buck and Eddie. The foundation has basically been built for them already and they would literally have to start from the ground up with someone new to make this any sort of believable. Not just some nice, cute, woman thrown into either of their lives.

Eddie did apologize to her but some of the things she said make me wonder if they are hinting to Eddie’s future Buck feelings. Like her whole “There’s also some value in learning that… you don’t like horses.” Could that mean she picked up on something Eddie hasn’t? Or foreshadowing? Writers do dirty tricks like that. And I’d personally like to believe they wouldn’t set up Eddie with someone we the audience haven’t had anytime to get to know. He’s not that kind of guy from what we know. He’s had like one relationship. And even when he was separated (before she died) from Shannon he didn’t date?? So why would he just jump into something with this teacher whom we and he know nothing about??

Buck’s teasing Eddie while they got that woman unstuck from a window also seemed a little jealous maybe? Not to say he’s jealous Eddie has a date and he doesn’t but jealous he’s not the date even if Buck doesn’t totally realize that’s why he’s jealous. A stretch perhaps but why did he need to bring it up right then. Plus Eddie looked like “hey, I didn’t tell you that to mock me” kind of face. Like shocked Buck said that. And if Bobby’s face was anything to go by that was something he only had told Buck about because Bobby looked very shocked and confused, and clearly knew nothing of that situation Eddie had gotten himself in. Buck blurting that out seemed a little...out of place, is all I’m saying. Was he maybe a little relieved he may never talk to her again outside of school necessities? But Eddie apologizes anyway soo...

And we can’t forget about the poker game at Maddie’s and how Buck was not at all offended that he would get set up with a man but that his sister said she wouldn’t do that to Josh. Plus I think Buck isn’t really looking to date. I know he said all those things but since when has Buck ever had trouble getting a date if he wanted to. I was getting the vibe that Buck just isn’t actively looking. That he’s kind of ok with where he’s at right now.

We also can’t ignore how Eddie clearly vents to Buck. Not only about Chris but his terrible flirting and snippy behavior. And Buck also puts things into a better perspective for Eddie. He doesn’t just offer up some weak moral support, he offers actual constructive advice. He trusts Buck. Yes, that comes with being his best friend but when you pair that with all the other romantic subtext you get that close bond that Eddie likely isn’t going to get with someone else. (Cute English teacher I’m looking at you). And he also trusts Buck with Chris. He trusts Buck’s advice even though he’s not a parent himself. More than he trusts anyone else according to Eddie. And they are at Buck’s place. Alone. No Chris? That was clearly a hangout so Eddie could vent and talk out his feelings. Plus Buck uses baseball as a stepping stone for his point. He knows Eddie likes it. And they only just brought baseball up last episode. But we know Buck pays attention to small details. Did Buck actually read that book in the hospital? Or did he research people who were different but found ways to succeed before Eddie came over? Also, Eddie knew who the player was so he probably knew some of the details of his interesting story. But he let Buck explain.

And ok. When Eddie is talking to Chris he tells him things he told Buck in regards to Chris. He told his son to never stop trying. He told Buck he knows he loves Chris enough to never stop trying. He also tells Chris that next time he wants to try something they will try it together. And that just happens to also mean with Buck. That was likely Buck’s idea, just like with Carla, and Christmas. Buck doesn’t hesitate with Chris, if he can do something for him he’s going to get it done. He puts so much effort into being there for Chris, for making sure Chris is ok, he already loves Eddie’s son so much and the tsunami only bonded them more.

And the most heartwarming scene of the episode? Eddie and Buck surprising Chris with the special skateboard while Carla films the whole thing. They way Eddie and Buck look while they both spend time with Chris is just so domestic and comfortable and sweet. They feel like a family. They look like a family. They act like a family. Buck and Eddie are so in sync with each other. They only look at each other that way. Eddie’s flirty eyes are still different than the “heart” eyes he gives to Buck and his son. It’s a look so far that is exclusively reserved for them.

There’s also a lot of this parallel of it being pointed out that Buck is single but then they cut to him, Eddie, and Chris as a family unit. Maddie and Chim seem to think they don’t have a kid but oh they have Buck, but Buck has been coparenting with Eddie for a while now and knows more about raising a kid than Maddie or Chim.

And the episode title, Fools, leaves a lot of questions too. The episode Eddie happens to flirt happens to be titled fools? The fools were not limited to the calls they received. Our fire fam is not immune.

Now on to Eddie Begins. Let’s start with the big moment. With Buck breaking down when the rig collapsed trapping Eddie. He screamed his name, began to try digging for Eddie, has to be pulled away by Bobby where he breaks down and cries. And then everyone, Bobby, Hen, Chim, and I assume a guy (who works with those digging rigs?) has to reassure him that no, no one thinks Eddie is dead. And that no one has given up. Buck even suggest to dig by hand. It was the same level of panic he had when he was separated from Chris during the tsunami. When Maddie was missing. It’s his, my family is in danger panic.

Now I know Buck would be worried about anyone he cares about. But he’s never been that overwhelmed with emotion for anyone except Maddie. Someone he finds especially close and dear to him. He hasn’t responded that way to the others the way he responds to Eddie. It’s like the thought of losing Eddie truly broke him.

And then when Eddie is losing consciousness he thinks about Chris, Buck, and the fire fam. But there’s a lot of moments he brings back that are just him Buck and Chris. That relationship with Buck and Chris is important to him. And the look of pure relief and joy on Bucks face when Eddie is okay, is that look he reserves for Chris.

We also had Buck looking at Eddie with the same level of anticipation of his answer to Chris asking him to be part of his show and tell that Chris had. And his level of comfort with Eddie just coming right up like he’s part of that family. And he just takes Eddie’s medal like no big deal. And Eddie let him.

And how they set up the scene where Eddie reunited with the team very much reminds me of when Buck was trying to tell Eddie he lost Chris in the tsunami and then Chris shows up behind him. Everyone was trying to keep Buck calm, make plan to find Eddie, and then there he is. They start with buck’s face. Show his emotion as he realizes Eddie’s not dead. Then we see Buck, and the others rush to him. As buck supports Eddie, we see the look of relief on his face. The look of joy/love at Eddie being ok.

Also, Buck asks the same questions as a nine year old. Just a fun fact not sure what to do with that yet.

[c]The One That Got Away

Let’s just start with Eddie’s sass when Buck says he wants to do something reckless.

I would like to point out how out of character it was for Buck to not go to Eddie’s for Chris’s sleepover. Eddie invited him outright. Even after he declined and everyone else had date night Buck could have showed up at Eddie’s. I understand that they wanted Buck alone at the bar to point out how alone Buck feels but I think they should have picked a different excuse for Eddie. And maybe this is showcasing Buck doesn’t feel like he’s part of Eddie’s “people” but Eddie clearly thinks of him as his people or he wouldn’t have invited him to his plans. Plus, Chris loves Buck so much. He was who he wanted to spend Christmas with when his dad had to work.

And can we talk about how Buck looks pointedly at Eddie when they talk about not losing touch as a fire fam. Buck’s eyes go straight back to Eddie. Every time he says that won’t happen to us or it better not. It’s once again a subtle point to how important they are to each other.

I guess this episode does point out that Buck has self esteem issues. That even when being blatantly offering an open door Buck doesn’t feel like he’s welcome. But that could all change with a simple conversation. A simple talk with Eddie. And hell it could start with Eddie telling Buck he understands what it’s like to be left behind. Shannon left him. Without warning. He knows. They could talk. It would honestly probably be good for both of them. Buck obviously has a big heart and what he did for Red was sweet. But he also took it too seriously as that’s his future but that’s simple not the case and someone seriously who isn’t Maddie, and probably Eddie, needs to tell him so.

This episode opened the door for Abby’s return and I honestly hope it brings us closure for Buck so he can move on. So he can maybe have that talk with Eddie. So Eddie and Buck can heal together.

The finale parts of season 3.

There are two finale eps this season. The first part isn’t too Buck or Eddie focused but we have a few moments we can talk about.

First up is the moment in the fire truck as Buck is giving hot air ballon facts and when Eddie asks where he heard that from and asks Maddie, then Buck goes no someone else. I was a bit surprised at his reluctance to tell Eddie. Eddie is the only person there who doesn’t know Abby personally. He only knows what Buck or the team has told him. He has no first hand bias. It felt like he doesn’t want Eddie to perhaps judge him or pick up on he’s still got some hang ups when it comes to Abby. But Eddie is his best friend and relationships are certainly something they talk about with each other and not the rest of the team. Eddie in particular. Not to mention Eddie’s suspicious eyebrows. He probably knew exactly who Buck was avoiding talking about.

And then we have the scene with Hen and Karen and Hen saying she doesn’t want to invite tons of people for the “dinner” with Chim because of cost. Well if Hen brings Karen, Chim brings Maddie, Maddie invites Buck (probably out sibling loyalty), Buck invites Eddie. And then Bobby and Athena have to get invited. This was set up in such a way that couples were grouped together with the exception of Maddie and Buck but she has that sister love of inclusion thing with him. That’s more subtext. More tropes.

Now part two. The first big interaction with Buck and Eddie would be when Eddie is bringing up summer camp with the fire fam. Eddie doesn’t seem too worried about letting him go but Buck seems to have all kinds of concerns. None of the others voiced any concerns or challenges Eddie’s decision to let him go. But Buck does. Acting more like an overprotective parent than a friend. And when he says what if he gets homesick felt like it had two meanings, much like when Eddie said/yelled at Buck in the grocery store. For Eddie when he yelled Chris misses you, there was an undertone of, I miss you. For Buck, what if he gets homesick, felt like what if I miss him? The added snark of sounds like child labor adds to that feeling. Like he’s just trying to find fault with this summer camp idea. Of course Buck wants Chris to have a good time but I think his worrying goes a bit deeper than seeing Chris as his best friends kid even if he doesn’t realize it. And of course we have another frustrated Bobby eye roll at Buck’s words. Like he knows Buck is being ridiculous but isn’t going to actually tell him so and that he probably sees it what Buck doesn’t. The looks Bobby has been giving Buck and Eddie this season have been wonderful overall, just saying.

Then when have when Eddie and Abby and talking and Buck shows up. Eddie notices the change in Buck’s demeanor. And his shocked face throughout the encounter is priceless. And after they rescue Sam, Eddie asks Buck if he is ok. He gives him the chance to tell Eddie he’s not ok by asking him directly which Eddie doesn’t do too often. His concern for Buck is obvious but he doesn’t push. He is trusting Buck for the time being that he will at least be ok enough to work and maybe Eddie understands better than anyone that focusing on the job is what he needs at that moment.

Next we have Buck wanting to do something reckless to save both Abby’s fiancé and the other person. Buck is adamant and fighting with Bobby. That’s normal. Buck challenges Bobby quite a bit when it comes to reckless decisions. What is unusual in this case is Eddie stepping in. Yelling at Buck to stop. He says this as Buck brings up the fire truck that crushed his leg. Almost like that was too much for Eddie. He had to watch that happen to Buck and was there when the truck came off him. He doesn’t want to risk his partners life. Normally Eddie is the one to jump into reckless situations with him but this time he didn’t, he tried to talk Buck down and out of the idea. Obviously that didn’t work. And Eddie doesn’t raise his voice often. Shannon and Buck are really the only people he has yelled at. He didn’t even really yell at Chris’s teacher, it was a sort of raised voice and he was angry but he didn’t outright yell. I think that means something or speaks to the level of closeness Buck and Eddie share. That the only two people he ever yells at are his son’s mother and Buck. The show puts a lot of parallels between Buck and Shannon and that can’t be for nothing.

And then May’s party. Not only was it adorable, it was very Buddie subtext heavy. First let’s talk about how each couple was shown taking pics together and then Buck and Eddie. They are, once again, paired like a couple. Taking many goofy photos with each other and then with Chris. Buck even taking many solo pictures with Christopher. No one else does that. Buck also seems to be helping Eddie keep an eye on Chris. They were even standing next to each other during the beginning of the party. He’s the one who helps him write a message for May. While keeping a general eye on other people’s kids is ok Buck goes above and beyond for Chris. More than what friends typically do. I would need to see more evidence one way or the other but Chris also says love Christopher in cards addressed to both Buck and Eddie and I wonder if Chris would do that for the other members of the fire fam or just Buck. They really played up Buck and Eddie and Chris being a family at the end of this episode.

Season 4

Alone Together

The only really note worthy moment to happen was Buck talking to his therapist about telling people how he really feels. That could mean a lot of things, like maybe stop people pleasing all the time or actually tell people when he’s feeling something that’s not happy things. Or it could mean having a talk with someone with an adorable son about feelings you may have that are totally not platonic.

Future Tense

We get our first real Buddie moments of season 4 in future tense. Specifically with Buck and Chris pranking Eddie. Eddie did always strike me the type to be a slight technophobe so it was hilarious. But back to the Buddie.

When Chris and Buck are playing video games and Eddie says “we’re taking an internet break” only for Chris to ask to go play games at Buck’s place, forcing Buck to look at Eddie. Eddie gives him that crossed arms you better have my back look. And Buck obviously compiles. It’s very good cop/bad cop parenting dynamics if I’ve ever saw them. It’s also very domestic. Like a couple where one is sorta still new to the whole parenting and rules thing. Much like Bobby was with Athena’s kids at first. He didn’t want to be the bad guy right away and usually deferred to Athena. That’s kind of where Buck and Eddie are at and they aren’t even a (canon) couple.

Then we have the actual prank. When Eddie opens the box with the coffee maker. Chris is right away on the phone with Buck. So either Buck is on speed dial or Chris knows his number. Either way that’s important. If Eddie has him on speed dial, and Chris knows the speed dial number, it only emphasizes how important Buck is in their lives. If Chris knows the number that’s also telling on his importance as most kids don’t memorize phone numbers easily, and only memorize important ones.

And final point of this episode, is the look on Buck’s face after Eddie hangs up. It’s the same look we have seen Buck make after talking with Abby, the first real love he’s had. That can’t be totally a coincidence that Buck makes that face with Eddie then? Why was it necessary to make that same face that seems to only be with someone he has feelings for previously?

The Crossover with Lone Star

First thing, both Eddie and Buck seemed a little disappointed it wasn’t going to just be them for the Texas trip. Then Buck seemed rather jealous when Eddie wasn’t going to be with him in the field. And seemed rather ruffled that Eddie didn’t seem to share his distress.

It also seemed weird that Eddie and Marjan were so almost flirty? Eddie doesn’t flirt well even when he’s trying. I wondered if he bonded with her so much, insta following, the selfie, and all, to get her to follow Buck back. He subtly hyped Buck multiple times, telling her he’s not so bad and that he helped with Chris’s skateboard.

Then we have TK assuming Buck was flirting with him, Buck looking confused but not immediately reacting negatively, and Eddie showing up right after. Nothing is an accident in film. Eddie showing up is either a subtle nod to future stuff or continuing the aid of the Buddie Baiting. Plus why was that scene even necessary at all? Having TK think Buck is flirting is a deliberate scene. Yes it does add to TK’s story by finally admitting he and Carlos are serious, but they didn’t need Buck to do that. And if it’s more Buddie Baiting it’s dumb but if it’s not then it’s another way to slowly build up to Buck and/or Eddie coming to terms with not being straight and having feelings.

The conclusion here?

Buck and Eddie definitely have an established relationship. Maybe it’s not romantic, at least yet (I can hope), but Buck has become a parental figure in Christopher’s life, regardless. And Eddie doesn’t let that happen with just anyone. And hell, they have more actual chemistry than most actual tv couples. I’m always a bit surprised when people say they don’t see how anyone could think Buck and Eddie should be a couple or how they look like a couple. You don’t have to ship them but saying you can’t even see why people do? Confuses me, Because they show is really hitting us hard with romantic tv tropes. Like you can have male friendships without romantic subtext. Like Jake and Charles from Brooklyn 99 or Shawn and Gus from Psych or JD and Turk from Scrubs. No one ships these friends seriously because there is no romantic subtext or tropes.

If this is just slow burn, like say Booth and Bones were on Bones then fine. I get it. All these little moments were just part of the build up and that’s fine. Booth and Bones took like six seasons before they became a couple. And they dated other people while still having those underlying feelings for each other. I would be ok if this is the route Buddie is taking.

However, if these tropes go nowhere and Buddie doesn’t develop, then this show is probably going to take the title for best queerbaiting show on network television.

And in all honesty I want Eddie to have someone who loves his son as much as he does because his son is his world. And who loves him too. And Buck already does that. And Chris loves Buck. And I want Buck to have that family that loves him because family is clearly something important to Buck and something he may not have had growing up. And he has that with Eddie and Chris. They could easily be each other’s happiness. They made something wonderful, it didn’t just fall into their laps.

If you have made it this far...

Thank You for coming to my Ted Talk and we will see you again once season four airs for more!!

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tripleaxeldiaz · 4 years ago

Text

all was golden when the day met the night

chapter 3/5

read on ao3

start from the beginning

“...and then we saw the lions, but they were sleeping so they weren’t very scary. And the otters were so cute, and they came right up to the glass when they were swimming underwater!”

Eddie smiles as Chris recounts their day at the zoo to his parents over FaceTime. The monthly calls had been their idea, a way for them to stay up to date on Chris’s life in between holidays and summer visits. It was also their way of having a scheduled time to nitpick Eddie’s life from 800 miles away.

He loves his parents, he does. He just loves them more when they aren’t speaking.

“Your face looks a little red, sweetheart, were you wearing sunscreen today?” his mother asks, face getting too close to the camera as she inspects her grandson.

“Yeah, Dad put some on me when we got there.”

“Did he put on any more during the day?” Her eyes shifted to Eddie, perched next to Chris on the couch. “You know you need to reapply every two—”

“Yes, Mom, I did. And it’s getting late so we should really get going, say goodbye buddy—”

“Wait! I didn’t show them my snakes!” Chris rifles through his backpack underneath the coffee table, yanking out a folder and flipping through it until he finds the drawings he and Buck worked on. He holds them up triumphantly, angling them so his grandparents could see. “Buck helped me with them!”

“And Buck is…”

“Dad, you know who Buck is. My friend that owns the tattoo shop?” He tries not to ignore how calling Buck his “friend” feels like a disservice to all that he really is, how it tastes like sand in his mouth.

“He’s an awesome artist,” Chris pipes in. “He has huge books in the shop of all the stuff he can do, and sometimes he lets me watch when he’s working!”

His parents blanche at that, and Eddie is really not prepared to have this argument right now. He and Chris had a great day together, a rare day when he wasn’t in the shop for any reason, leaving it in Hen’s more than capable hands. They had a lot of fun at the zoo, were getting ready for a Marvel double feature in their living room, and Eddie was in an honest-to-god good mood, for once not plagued by lingering stress or ambiguous sadness. He’s not about to let any outside judgements ruin that.

“I think it’s time to go. Chris, can you say goodnight and go get your pajamas on?” Chris waves as he grabs his crutches and heads to his room. Eddie turns back to say a quick goodbye, but his dad clears his throat before he can speak.

“You leave your son alone in a tattoo parlor?”

“He’s not alone, Dad, he’s with Buck and all the other adults that work there. Plus it’s only in a pinch.”

“Eddie, do you really think those are the kind of people you should be leaving Christopher with?” his mother asks, a look of contempt masked by concern on her face.

Eddie takes a slow breath in and out through his nose. No use in giving them more ammo by getting angry. “Just because you don’t like their business doesn’t mean they’re bad people.”

“We just want to make sure Christopher is—”

“He’s fine. He’s happy when he’s learning to draw with Buck. I’m not going to take that away from him just because you don’t like it. Now we have to go, we’ll talk to you later.” He hits the red end button before they can protest any further. He tips his head back to rest on the couch and scrubs a hand over his face, his good mood now tinged with prickly frustration.

He thinks his parents mean well, but they’ve always been forceful when it comes to Chris, especially after Shannon left. It’s like they knew, somehow, how lost Eddie was on his own, how scared he was that every little thing he did was setting Chris up for failure, and took every opportunity to fix something he was doing or tell him he was wrong. That he didn’t actually know what Chris needed since he had been gone for so long.

Eventually, Eddie started believing them.

But when Mrs. Negrelli gave him the money to start his own shop, he didn’t just see it as a fresh start for himself, but for Chris too. Eddie would be able to take them anywhere, away from the looming disappointment of his parents, and give himself the opportunity to figure out how to best be the dad that Chris needed. And if the past year is any indication, he knows he made the right choice, a credit he isn’t usually able to give himself. He’s not perfect, still second guesses himself constantly, but Chris gets invited to birthday parties and sleepovers and gets As on his report card, so something must be working.

Chris comes back from his room, Spider-Man pajamas on, handing Eddie the remote to queue up the first movie. He’s happily chattering about all the cool things Spider-Man’s costume does in the movie, and as he settles into Eddies’s side, head resting on his chest, Eddie feels the prickliness subside, replaced by the contentment he only ever feels around his son.

They’re good here. Chris is happy here. That’s all that matters to Eddie.

~~~~~~~~~~

Sundays are Eddie’s favorite days in the shop — traffic is usually slow, so he has time to plan out orders for the rest of the week and make sure their inventory is in check. It’s a little monotonous, but it eats up about four hours of time and gives him a break from any real thinking, so he feels almost relaxed by the time he’s done stocking cases. He has the added bonus of Chris and Buck’s conversation in the back room as background noise, interspersed with the occasional yell and slap of the table and Buck teaches him a new card game. The melody of Chris’s laugh and the harmony of their voices soothes him even more than usual, quiets some of the lingering annoyance from his call with his parents.

As he heads into the back room to grab the last boxes of peonies, Chris beckons him over to the table where he and Buck have been stationed since breakfast. It’s become a bit of a tradition: Buck brings muffins or bagels from Bobby and Athena’s bakery on Sundays and hangs out until the afternoons when his earliest appointments are scheduled (I refuse to tattoo anyone while they’re hungover from Saturday, Eddie. It’s not good for them and the extra complaining is certainly not good for me.).

Maybe that’s another reason Sundays are his favorite days. Add that to the list of secret feelings involving Buck that are following him to the grave.

“Dad! Look, I colored Buck’s skull purple!” Chris says as Eddie comes behind his chair, bracketing him in with his arms on the table. Chris giggles as Eddie kisses the top of his head, leaning over him for a closer look. Buck’s latest tattoo is indeed a bright shade of purple, the roses surrounding it colored in blue.

“I told him I like cooler colors and he ran with it,” Buck says. Eddie’s eyes shift to Buck’s face, and he feels his heart stutter when he sees the soft, fond smile directed at Chris. It stutters again when Buck’s eyes meet his, that familiar warmth settling over him as Buck’s smile gets bigger, and he feels good enough, relaxed enough, that it actually soaks into his skin. Buck’s gaze flits down to Eddie’s arm where it’s still bracketing Chris, a crease appearing right between his eyebrows. The urge to lean over and kiss it away is unbelievably sudden and strong, and Eddie silently congratulates himself for keeping it together.

“Your ink looks a little faded there, Eds. I can fix it up for you, if you want.”

Eddie looks at the script on his arm, twisting it back and forth to see the whole thing. Buck’s right, the ink does look duller. Makes sense for a tattoo he got on his 18th birthday that he definitely didn’t take care of properly.

Fortalecer la mente y superar el cuerpo. Strengthen the mind and overcome the body. When he was young and invincible, that seemed like all he needed. A clear head, clear purpose, clear desires, and he’d be able to do anything he wanted. If he followed the rules and did everything right, he’d get a happy ending.

But, once again, it hadn’t been enough. And now, looking at that tattoo just reminds him of the ways he’s failed. How he hasn’t been able to make his mind into anything resembling strong, how there are days when he’s so weak even basic functions take too much effort. How a happy ending is feels so far away he can’t remember what one even looks like.

He shrugs, hand rubbing the tattoo unconsciously. “Maybe, I kinda just want to let this one fade out though. Maybe get a different one somewhere else.”

“Well, my offer of a free tattoo still stands, just name the day.” Buck says.

Chris gasps and twists around in his seat, eyes bright with excitement. “Can I help you pick it out? Can I draw it? I’m good at lots of stuff now, and Buck can help!”

And he’s not sure what it is — the smile on Chris’s face at the idea, Buck’s matching one, the lingering frustration with his parents transforming into rebellion (something he hasn’t felt since he last got a tattoo), or a combination of the three. But before he can think too hard about it, he hears himself saying:

“You know what? Why not. I’ll get another tattoo, and you guys can design it.”

They cheer and high five each other, Chris hugging Eddie tight around the middle.

“But,” Eddie says, “I do want final approval. And no cartoon characters.”

“I promise, Dad, it’ll be the best tattoo ever!” Chris grabs his nearby notebook and starts doodling, chattering happily about what he thinks will look good. Buck catches his eye again and winks, and Eddie’s returning smile is the easiest it’s ever been.

He grabs the boxes he came back for and goes to the front, still smiling as he hears Buck and Chris very seriously discuss the details of what Eddie should get. He’s not nervous, really, but he does say a silent prayer to whoever is listening that they don’t pick something too big or too bold. He loves them both, but not that much.

~~~~~~~~~~

They take about a week to design it and are so secretive they might as well be planning a jewel heist. It seems like every time Eddie walks into a room, they’re there with their heads pressed together, whispering over sheets of paper and pens. When Eddie tries to sneak a peek, they quickly hide everything away so he can’t see. Buck throws his whole body on the table at one point just to cover up the sketches.

Again, he’s not nervous. But the anticipation does start to get to him.

Finally, after a busy Saturday full of wedding deliveries, they announce that the design is complete, and Eddie is scheduled at Armageddon the following Friday evening. Chris already has a sleepover with Denny that night and won’t be able to come, but he makes Eddie double pinky promise to send pictures to Hen as soon as it’s done.

It’s Friday now, and Eddie is all set up at Buck’s station in the back of the shop, waiting to see the final product of Buck and Chris’s hard work. He is a little nervous now, but he mostly blames that on Buck, who keeps looking over the sketchpad, pen in hand like he wants to make last minute changes, or like something isn’t quite right.

“Just show me, Buck,” Eddie says after a few minutes of watching Buck bite his lip in worry. Whatever the design is, he’s sure he’ll love it, if for no other reason than because of the two people who made it.

“Okay, okay. You can be honest if you don’t like it, but I think you’re gonna like it.”

He flips the paper over, turning it towards Eddie. It’s a crescent of flowers, an unfinished wreath, featuring moonflowers, Eddie’s favorite, with their starburst centers spiraling open, and ox-eye daisies, which he knows Chris loves. Sprigs of lavender and thyme fill in the gaps, and there’s a small bee floating around the center. It’s beautiful and a little chaotic, but it’s perfect. Reminders of his son and peace and courage that he’ll be able to carry with him always, that he’ll be able to look at when he forgets that he is capable of bravery or deserving of peace. He stares at the sketch, taking in every detail, for who knows how long. Buck clears his throat to get his attention.

“Chris thought the daisies and moonflowers would look good together, and they’re both white so no need for color. I thought the herbs would be nicer than just plain leaves. And he wanted it in a ‘C’ shape, you know, for Christopher.”

Eddie laughs and shakes his head. “And the bee?”

“Chris thought that would be cute, too, but you can nix that if you want.” There’s a faint blush dusting Buck’s cheeks as his eyes track down to the bee in question. “So, what do you think? Any major changes? You can tell me if you hate it, I won’t tell Chris.”

He looks up and Buck’s eyes are excited and worried all at once. Eddie would do anything to take the worry away, but at least this time it’s an easy fix.

“I don’t hate it, it’s perfect,” he says, handing the sketch back to Buck and settling back in the chair. “Let’s do this.”

Buck smiles brightly as he grabs an antiseptic wipe, holding Eddie’s right arm steady as he wipes down the area just below his elbow crease where the tattoo will go. Eddie knew he wanted it there as soon as he’d agreed to get one — he’d be able to see it easily when he needed to, and he liked that it matched the placement of his current one, would almost be replacing it if the words ever fully faded away. Once it’s cleaned, Buck puts a temporary transfer of the design there to trace over, starts up the tattoo machine, and loads the ink. The low buzzing of the machine mixes with the music playing and soft conversation coming from other clients in the shop, washing over Eddie like white noise.

Buck takes his arm again, machine in hand, and locks his eyes on Eddie. “Ready?”

“Ready.”

“You can yell if it hurts too bad, just try not to pass out.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, says “It’ll be—” before cutting off with an involuntary hiss as the needle touches his skin. Buck snorts, and Eddie does his best to glare but feels it fall short.

He hadn’t worried about the pain — he vaguely remembered the sensation of being stabbed over and over again and didn’t remember it hurting that bad. He had also been shot before, so he figured he’d be able to handle it.

What he hadn’t taken into account was that for the next two hours or so, he and Buck would be very close together, close enough that Eddie can feel Buck’s breath on his arm as he traces over the outline, feels his strong hand on his wrist as he keeps Eddie from twitching. He had never been this close to Buck, had never allowed himself to be, and now that he is, he’s not sure how to act. He tries to look anywhere else, takes in the art on the wall, watches the other clients with Maddie and Chimney. He tries to make a to-do list for the weekend in his head, go over the things Chris will need for school next week, mentally figure out the designs for next week’s orders.

It’s all in vain, though, because no matter what, his eyes always drift back to Buck. From here, he can take in everything, and for once, he lets himself, because who knows when he’ll have this opportunity again.

Buck’s brow is furrowed in concentration, blue eyes dark as they focus. He can almost count every eyelash, and his birthmark stands out even more than usual, almost glowing under the fluorescent lights. Eddie itches to reach out and touch it, feel how soft he imagines Buck’s skin to be under his fingertips. His cheekbones and jawline are sharp and beautiful, and Eddie wonders again how anyone could resist them. How someone could look at this man, have even one conversation with him, and decide they didn’t want more. He’s biting his lip as he finishes the first moonflower, and it turns and even darker pink as he releases it. Eddie gets a little lost imagining how those lips would feel on his, how gentle and warm and good. He imagines feeling them on his shoulder as they wake up on a Saturday morning, sees them laughing as they both make breakfast, trading kisses as they go. He wants to taste them, feel them moving down his neck, down his chest, wrapping around his—

He inhales quickly and shakes his head, because this is not the time nor the place to go down that particular road. Thankfully, Buck’s still in his own little world, eyes never leaving Eddie’s arm. He must mistake Eddie’s movement for discomfort, because he moves his free hand down from his wrist until they’re holding hands, Buck’s thumb moving slowly back and forth in comfort.

“You can squeeze if it hurts too bad,” he mutters, still not looking up. Thank god too, because Eddie can feel his face go bright red and his heart start working overtime.

The first pass takes about an hour, and they take a break so Eddie can stretch his legs and Buck can get more ink. There’s still some detailing left to do, but Eddie already can’t stop staring at the tattoo. It looks even better than the sketch, and having a tribute to his son literally branded on his skin fills a fiercely paternal part of him like nothing else ever has. There’s also a smug part that’s still 17 years old and can’t wait to see the looks on his parents’ faces when they have their next video call.

Buck finishes getting set up again and Eddie settles back in the chair. It’s quieter now — they’re the only two on the floor, Maddie and Chimney having finished up and moved to the back room, and the music playing over the speakers is something slower, stripped down, seems to filter into the room and soften all the hard edges of the world. Buck catches his eye from where he’s sitting, asking silent permission to start. Eddie nods, and he feels his heart swell when Buck automatically grabs his hand again.

He’s got maybe 45 more minutes in this proximity to Buck, and he takes full advantage: notes the way his curls are starting to fall loose after a long day, tries to catalogue each shift of his face, every twitch of concentration, the shadow of his stubble growing in. Getting to study him like this — memorize the details of the beautiful face that houses an even more beautiful soul — makes all the feelings Eddie’s been trying to fight for months now bubble to the surface, fizzing inside of him like pop bubbles.

But there’s a chill that settles in as well, because despite his heart desperately pulling him towards this man, he reminds himself once again that he can’t have this. He can’t let himself have this, can’t do that to Buck. He’s supposed to be forgetting about his feelings, releasing them so they can both be happy — Buck with someone who deserves him and Eddie...alone. With Chris, but still. Alone. And now he has to wrestle with that while a slide show of Buck’s every facial feature plays through his head on a likely infinite loop.

He can’t forget as easily as he thought. If he’s honest, there’s a small, hopeful part of himself that doesn’t want to forget, that never wanted to forget, and it’s getting louder and harder to ignore with each passing minute.

“Done!” Buck says as he turns off the machine and wipes away the last of the excess ink. Eddie looks at the finished product, a soft smile settling on his lips. He looks up and sees Buck watching him, looking hopeful. “What do you think?”

Eddie’s finger hovers over a daisy reverently. “It’s beautiful,” he whispers, smile spreading as he meets Buck’s eye again. “Thank you, Buck.”

Buck returns the smile, squeezing Eddie’s hand where they’re still clasped together, neither of them moving to let go. They’re still in each other’s bubble, close enough that Eddie can still count Buck’s eyelashes, and he watches Buck watch him for a moment. His eyes roam his face like he too is cataloging Eddie from here, and that hopeful voice is convincing him that from where they’re sitting, it’d be so easy to lean in and confirm exactly what Buck tastes like, how his lips would feel under his own. Just six inches away from allowing himself to be happy, because he can’t imagine being anything else with Buck.

His phone goes off from his pocket, immediately bursting the bubble, both of them flinching as the loud trill fills the shop. They both know it’s Chris, but he still looks at Buck apologetically, like it’s his fault for shattering whatever atmosphere they’d just been living in. Buck just waves toward the phone, squeezing his hand one more time before letting go to clean up his station. He talks to Chris for a bit, showing him the tattoo from every angle, and Chris talks to Buck as well, gushing about what a great job Buck did. Buck blushes at the praise, and that tug of want pulls at Eddie again.

They hang up and Eddie gathers his things while listening to Buck’s strict aftercare instructions, both heading to the front door so Buck can lock up.

“Are you sure I can’t pay you?” Eddie asks.

“I told you it was on the house and I meant that. Plus it’s nice to work on someone I actually care about.”

Eddie feels his face get warm, hopes the neon lights in the window are bright enough to cover it up. It gets warmer as they continue looking at each other, neither willing to break their little bubble again. He thinks he sees Buck move more toward him, like he wants to get closer, but he stops himself before following through, leaning back on his heels instead, looking sheepish.

“Goodnight, Eddie. I’ll see you guys tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah, we’ll see you tomorrow.”

Eddie waves as he leaves, stepping into the cool night to walk back to the apartment. He keeps glancing down at his arm on the walk and while he’s getting ready for bed, thinking of the care Chris and Buck both put into creating it. That small voice in his head keeps nagging him, saying Buck wouldn’t do something like this, something this personal, for just anyone. He complains about his clients enough for Eddie to know that’s true.

Maybe the voice is on to something. As he falls asleep, Eddie lets himself think that maybe, maybe, on top of everything, on top of two years of friendship and flowers and looks that make Eddie’s insides flutter, maybe these feelings he’s been trying to ignore aren’t as one sided as he thought.

Maybe he has a chance.

#eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie #9-1-1 #9-1-1 fox #buddie fic #9-1-1 fic #YES this is the longest chapter because i can't stfu about buck #WHATEVER

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stellarstacey · 5 years ago

Note

So! Today's my birthday, do you think you could do a birthday Buddie piece?? Maybe the birthday person forgot it was their bday and everyone throws them a surprise party? Chris with an adorable present would be awesome too!

Eddie glared at his phone when the alarm went off. It was officially 6:08 AM meaning that he was now 33 years old. When did he get that old...Okay so maybe 33 wasn’t old in the grand scheme of things but to Eddie it felt like the end of the world. Eddie sighed and ran a hand down his face but froze when his phone dinged.

Buck:

Happy Birthday, Edmundo :)

Eddie groaned at the reminder. Edmundo...yeah Buck was definitely pushing his buttons.

Eddie:

Fuck off!

Eddie replied as he got up and started on his morning workout.

Buck:

Well aren’t you a bucket of sunshine this morning.

Eddie scoffed and wiped the sweat from his brow.

Eddie:

Fuck you Buckley!

Eddie shook his head trying to fight off the smile at the corner of his lips.

Buck:

Is that what you want for your birthday?

Eddie looked at the text confused.

Eddie:

What?

Buck:

To fuck me? XD

Eddie spat out his coffee as he set the mug down on the counter.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Buck!” Eddie spluttered as he looked over at Christopher’s room to make sure he didn’t wake him up.

The room door stayed close. Eddie took a deep breath.

Eddie:

What are you gonna do? Put a bow on your dick?

Eddie tried to joke but the image of Buck standing before him with nothing but a bow wrapped around his...Fuck, he could feel himself getting hard at the thought alone.

Buck:

If that’s what you want than sure! :P

Eddie snorted and sat down on at the counter.

Eddie:

What I want is to be 32 again!

Buck:

Youre not old, man. Stop being an idiot and enjoy today.

Eddie smirked.

Eddie:

Calling me an idiot on my birthday, what kind of best friend are you?

Buck:

The bestest!

Eddie smiled at his phone.

Eddie:

I got to get Chris ready, see you at work!

---

Eddie was actually having a good day. Christopher had giving him extra birthday hugs and kisses. Bobby had cooked him a birthday feast breakfast. Hen had gotten him this new book he really wanted. Chim had been making him laugh all day and Buck... Buck was perfect because he was Buck. Eddie found himself outside of the station texting his parents. He was the only one allowed to have his phone on him because of Christopher, so sometimes he abused that power.

“Hey.” Buck said coming up to stand next to him.

“Hey.” Eddie smiled at him and Buck looked around them for a second before leaning in closer to whisper to him.

“Blue or green?” Buck asked and Eddie frowned in confusion.

“What?” Eddie asked and Buck smirked.

“For the bow, blue or green?” Buck teased and Eddie rolled his eyes.

“You’re still on about that?” Eddie asked with amusement.

“You still haven’t answered my question.” Buck bit his lip and Eddie raised an eyebrow.

“Blue.” Eddie shrugged and Buck nodded.

The alarm went off and they raced for the truck.

Eddie was dead tired by the end of the shift. He just wanted to go home and spend the night with his son. He was half way to his truck when a hand caught his arm.

“I know you’re beat...but could you spare ten minutes for your best friend?” Buck asked shyly and Eddie could never say no to him.

“Sure.” Eddie nodded and Buck dragged him over to the side of the station.

When Buck started to climb the ladder that led to the roof, Eddie blinked in confusion but followed him up. He felt his heart stutter in chest at the sight. Fairy lights were hanging off poles...music was playing from a small speaker. There were two lawn chairs underneath the lights. Also a cooler filled with Eddie’s favorite beer. Eddie felt the back of his eyes sting...He fought off the tears. No one...No one had ever done something like this for him. Not his parents or his abuela or his sisters...not even Shannon. Eddie swallowed and followed Buck to the chairs. Buck plopped down and handed Eddie a beer. Eddie plopped down next to him.

“This is...Buck you didn’t have to go through all the trouble...” Eddie whispered and Buck rolled his eyes.

“This was nothing, man. It only took like an hour to set up. Plus you didn’t exactly seem into my other idea so I had to improvise.” Buck joked and Eddie nearly choked on his beer...if Buck only knew...

“Buck I mean it...This is... “ Eddie trailed off and Buck smiled at him and handed him a box with a small blue bow on it.

Eddie smirked at the bow.

“This is not your dick in a box is it?” Eddie asked and Buck burst out into laughter.

“No!” Buck shook his head and Eddie smirked as he opened the box and froze at the leather bound book.

Eddie took it out of the box. He opened to the first page and froze as he saw a picture of himself when he was only maybe two or three. He turned the next page and it was picture of him with his sisters when he was about seven or eight. He kept turning the pages and it was a timeline of his life...Pictures he hasn’t seen in years or didn’t know existed...Pictures of his army friends, of Shannon, family, Christopher, The 118. He couldn’t stop the tears now...

“Where did you get some of these?” Eddie choked out and Buck shrugged.

“Some from your abuela, some from your parents and sisters. I tracked down some of your army friends through Instagram... Some are mine... At the end everyone left you a message.” Buck stated and Eddie flipped the pages and saw pages and pages of letters addressed to him.

Eddie bit his lip to keep the sob from escaping him when he saw Christopher’s letter.

“Buck...” Eddie let out a small choked sound and Buck blinked in shock.

“Shit, did I fuck up? Was this a bad idea?” Buck asked nervously and Eddie put the book down in the box and stood up.

“Get up!” Eddie growled and Buck’s eyes widened as he stood up.

“Eddie I’m sorry I thought it was a good idea...I didn’t want to upset...”

Eddie shoved Buck roughly against the door leading down into the station. Buck stared at him in shock and Eddie put a hand on either side of Buck’s head trapping him there.

“I don’t want to feel old anymore!” Eddie growled again and Buck frowned at him.

“Okay?” Buck looked so lost.

“I never did anything crazy when I was young. I always played by the rules...I don’t want to play by the rules tonight.” Eddie whispered as he got closer to Buck leaving no space between them.

“I’m so lost, man.” Buck whispered back breathing harshly.

“You trust me?” Eddie asked and Buck frowned.

“With my life.” Buck answered honestly.

Eddie leaned closer and bit Buck’s lower lip pulling it back with him as he leaned away. Buck’s eyes darkened into pitch black orbs. Eddie let go and the lip fell back into place.

“You wanna break the rules?” Buck whispered into Eddie’s ear and Eddie nodded.

“You came to the right place, baby.” Buck whispered as he kissed and nip Eddie’s ear sucking on the lobe.

“I wanna be bad tonight...” Eddie growled and Buck hissed in pleasure as Eddie palmed him through his jeans.

“You wanna fuck me on the roof of the station, Eds?” Buck breathed into his ear and Eddie moaned nodding.

“You want it rough?” Buck asked as he kissed Eddie’s jawline.

Eddie shook his head. “Slow...Slow. I just wanna feel every part of you.” Eddie murmured and Buck let out a deep content sigh.

“Kiss me.” Buck whispered pleadingly and Eddie kissed him lazily.

It was sloppy and lazy and perfect. Eddie pulled away.

“I love you.” Eddie whispered and Buck closed his eyes.

“I’ve been wanting to hear those words from you for...God I love you too. I have never loved anyone like the way I love you.” Buck whispered and Eddie smiled at him.

“We should probably not have sex up here...” Eddie muttered with a small frowned.

“Maybe not the best idea...” Buck frowned and Eddie looked at him.

“Ask me if I care?” Eddie smirked and Buck lifted an amused eyebrow.

Eddie held Buck in his arms as they looked up at the night sky. They were naked on the roof of the station and smiling ear from ear.

“It’s two hours before Christopher’s bedtime. If we leave now we can spend sometime with him before he has to go to sleep.” Buck muttered as he leaned up to kiss Eddie before pulling him up to get dress.

Buck was pulling on his jeans.

“Evan?”

Buck froze at the use of his first name.

“Thank you for making this the best birthday of my life.” Eddie whispered and Buck smiled at him.

#buddie #buck x eddie

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cutebuckley · 5 years ago

Text

so please don't go- Part 1

It had been weeks since Buck was back at the department, and after suing it it hadn't been the same around.

All his friends were so distant with him he didn't feel welcomed. When they had launch he would feel left out even though they ate together. Hell, he even felt left out on missions. Bobby didn't let him go to a lot of them and he would be doing some other thing, like giving candy on Halloween's day.

What hurt the most? The way Eddie ignored him ever since he was back. Buck could see that Hen, Chim and even Bobby were slowly forgiving him, but Eddie didn't seem like he was going to. He hadn't spoken to him even if it was to tell him that he was still mad

...

He had had enough that day. They went to a mission where Bobby asked for Buck and Eddie to go together to see if there was anyone left behind on the building. Eddie told him he would rather go alone, and that's when it hit Buck their friendship was really screwed up.

He wasn't the kind of guy to drink. He sometimes drank a couple of beers, but nothing too excessive. But that day all he wanted to do was to drink the pain away.

So there he was, in a random bar he found on his way home waiting for the bartender to take his order. That's when he heard someone talking to him "rough day at work?". He turned to look who it was, and he saw a familiar face: Lena.

He remembered her. Well, more like he remembered how he felt when he saw her in the department taking his place. He remembered how jealous he was when he saw her hanging out and working with his team, how it looked that his team had already moved on from him.

But all that belonged in the past, so he started a conversation with her and discovered how nice she actually was.

They hung out a couple of times more before Lena asked him to join her and her team on the weekend. Everyone in the 136 was super nice and welcomed him easily. Buck found himself really enjoying their company and forgetting about his problems in the 118.

Lena told him to meet her at the 136 station and that they would go to the tavern from there. When Buck got there he met the captain.

"Evan Buckley, right?" Ronnie shook his hand

"Yes sir, but people call me Buck"

"Well Buck, I have to tell you that I've seen you working and you impressed me. Would you consider joining the 136?" - Ronnie knew he already had a good relationship with the members on the 136. Not to mention that Lena told him that Buck was having problems with the 118.

Buck blinked trying fo process the information.

It was true that he had a great relationship with all the members in the 136, but he didn't even think about what it would be to work with them,

Ronnie saw the shock on Buck's face "Hey, you don't have to answer now. Take your time to think about it"

"Thanks" Buck said in almost a whisper, heading out the department

He spent two whole days thinking about the offer. He was lying on the bed looking at the ceiling with his hands under his head. Was he really going to do it? Left his team and join the 136? Truth to be told the 118 felt less like home every day that passed.

...

He woke up ready to take that step, he was nervous but it would be the best for everyone. When he arrived at the station everyone was already there except Eddie. He sighed. Maybe it was better that way.

Chim, Hen and Bobby were having breakfast. Buck approached them feeling his heart beat faster than usual. He sighed before speaking "Captain Nash". Bobby looked at him with an eyebrow arched, Buck never ever called him like that "I just wanted to let you know guys that I will be transferring to the 136 in a couple of days.

"What? Why?" Bobby frowned "Kid, I know it's not the same as before but you don't have to..."

"No uh...it's not that. Well, it is, but that's not the only reason" he looked at all three of them "I know our relationship is not the same and that you have difficulties to trust me again, and I understand. I also know you're trying, and I know eventually we're going to be the same as always. But..."

"Eddie..." Hen cut him

"Yeah" Buck sighed, looking at her "That's the major reason I'm transferring. While you guys are trying to trust me again, he won't even speak at me and hell, it hurts a lot." He took a deep breath " I don't want anyone to be in danger because of us. What if.... what if we go on a call and something bad happens because Eddie and I aren't able to work as a team?"

"Buck"

"No Bobby, okay? I'm transferring"

He waited looking at them. Was he supposed to wait until they said something? Did he have to just walk off?

Hen walked towards him and opened her arms "Just so you know Buckaroo, it's going to be difficult to get ridñ of me" she hugged him and Buck laughed

"Same here" he turned to look at Chim "I'm dating your sister, so you really don't have a choice" all of them laughed

Before he headed back down the stairs Bobby approached him "I know it's still not the same as before, but if you need anything..."

"I know" he said

That didn't go that bad he thought for himself once he was in the locker room, a little smile on his face. It faded off fast when he heard the locker room door being slammed. He turned around and in seconds he had Eddie pushing him into the wall.

"What the fuck Eddie?!"

"Were you going to tell me?" Buck could see he was angry

"Tell you what"

"That you're transferring to the 136" Oh, so that's what this was about. He twisted his head before answering

"Why would I?" He saw the anger in Eddie's eyes "I mean, I didn't think you would even care that I was leaving" his expression changed into one of confusion "You haven't spoken to me in almost a month. I'm doing the right thing".

"How is that the right thing?" Eddie's grip softened

"Look at us" Buck pointed between the two of them "This is the first time we have talked in a month. We aren't a team anymore, you and me"

To say that those words hurt Eddie was falling short. They burned in his chest.

Buck moved from the wall and went back to his locker, now facing Eddie with his back

Eddie looked down, it was all his fault. It was because of him that Buck was transferring. He didn't need anyone to tell him, he already knew. If he hadn't been such a jerk maybe things would be different.

Was he angry when Buck sued the department? Heck yeah. He was so angry he almost punched him when they met at the grocery store. He was angry at Buck for all the lawsuit thing, he was angry because he couldn't even speak to him, he was mad because Christopher kept asking about the younger one and Eddie couldn't tell him what happened. So yeah, he was mad at him. But he also was angry at himself. Why was he so mad at Buck when he couldn't even reach him? Why of all things the one that bothered him the most was that there were no more nights where Buck, Chris and him were having dinner and playing video games?

He couldn't understand it at first. It felt normal to be angry at his best friend, because what he did was to be angry at. But there was something more he couldn't quite get at first. He felt disappointed at one point, disappointed that Buck was no longer in their lives. It felt almost like- like when Shannon left. Eddie had that feeling of abandonment, but only that this time it was stronger than that. And that's when something clicked on his mind.

He loved him.

He loved Buck.

And there's where everything turned upside down for him. He wasn't really surprised about the fact that he was in love with a man, but being in love with his best friend? Well, that was something else. That changed everything.

Before he could even notice he had thrown a punch at the locker. Buck heard a loud noise and turned around to see Eddie bleeding. He rushed over to him.

"Eddie! Are you okay?"

Eddie raised his head and looked at Buck, who was looking at his hand. He didn't even notice he had punched the locker, and now he was bleeding.

"I..."

"It's okay" Buck lead him to sit on the bench "Let me just get the first aid kit"

Eddie sat there waiting for Buck to come back, still in shock for what just happened.

When Buck returned he kneeled down and took Eddie's hand to clean the blood. He could notice Eddie staring at him, but he was too focused on treating the injury.

Eddie felt like crying. After everything he had done Buck was still there, taking care of him without even have to ask for it. His eyes were focused on his hand being held by the younger man. It just felt so nice, so natural, like they were meant to hold each other's hands. And that was just another sign of how deeply he was in love with Buck, of how much he wanted him in his life.

Eddie actually forgave Buck the first time he apologized, but he couldn't let him know it. After realizing his feelings for his best friend he thought the best thing to do was to stay away from him. That way he would avoid Buck discovering his feelings and things getting awkward between the two of them. But having to stay away from him was killing Eddie. It killed him every time Buck tried to apologize and he had to act as if he didn't hear him, it killed him seeing his best friend walking around the station with his head down like an abandoned puppy. Buck was always the one to cheer up the party and knowing he was one of the reasons the younger one looked so sad killed him.

Buck was almost finished covering his hand with a bandage when Eddie whispered

"Don't go"

"What?" Buck left what he was doing and looked Eddie in the eye with a confused look.

"To the 136" it was still so low Buck almost didn't hear him.

"Eddie..."

"Please, just- just give me a couple of days to figure my shit out" his voice sounded shaky

"Okay" Buck nodded. He would agree to stay a million times if Eddie was the one asking.

#buck and eddie #buck buckley #buddie #buck&eddie #evan buckley #buddie fic #911 fic #eddie diaz #sopleasedontgo

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