#also what happened to the END did it get HURT in LIFE
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sucodelaranja86 · 1 day ago
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U ate the jealous! Cho Hyun-Ju request up fr!! Especially the suggestive part lmaoo I love it
Do u think we could get a Hyun-Ju x reader where we suffer a knee injury during one of the games which we try to keep quiet about until one of the other players (maybe young-mi) notices n tries to help us out w it which catches the attention of Hyun-Ju who gets upset n scolds us but were to stubborn to listen n wave her worries off until our injury hurts more n we begrudgingly go to her for help?
- don't hide it from me : ★
featuring: hyun-ju cho x reader
summary: you suffered a knee injury in the middle of the game, but you were too stubborn to tell her.
warnings: slight angst.
A/N: i am taking too long to write more fics, i'm sorry 😭 also, as every single squid game work i do, young-mi lives 😋
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‣ as you walk out of the second game field amongside your previous group, your heart was still racing from the horrifying experience while you made your way back to the giant dormitory, the peaceful silence of the place creating a harsh contrast to the tense atmosphere you had just left behind. The weight of what was happening began to settle as you sat down once again in the staircase. You haven't expected being put on such a deadly game, and the gravity of the situation made itself clear to you at each passing moment.
‣ but you couldn't deny that what shocked you even more was to find your partner here. One of the only connections you had in the outside world was also put in this messed up game. And judging by the reaction she had when she first saw you, it seemed the feeling was also mutual on her part.
‣ she saw you first in the "green light, red light" game, you were surprised as you felt a familiar grip on you, pushing you in a panicked manner behind her. And in the six-legs game, you stood by her side, hugging her arm close to you.
‣ you 5 were the second group to play and the first one to pass, meaning the dormitory would be empty and silent until the following groups finished their turns. The young man settled in his bed with a loud sigh, laying relaxedly with his mother who also had a similar relieved expression on her face. Hyun-ju sat alone in her bed, a thoughtful expression on her face, while the short, timid girl never left your side. As she sat down next to you, she hugged your arm excitedly.
‣ ― we- we did it! ― young-mi stuttered happily. As she finished saying that, she elbowed you playfully, but what she didn't expect was to see you flinch painfully while hissing. Her expression quickly turned into one of concern, straighten her posture as she looked at you worriedly.
‣ ― [name]? What is it? A-are you alright? ― she mumbled, putting one shaky hand on your back. You looked at her, sensing her worry. ― i'm alright. I just- i think i just gave a bad turn and injured my knee. ― you confessed. Young-mi anxiously looked around, trying to figure out what she should do. She remembered what you said earlier- that you knew Hyun-ju before entering here. And that was the first solution that came into her mind.
‣ The short-haired girl then shakily got up, not taking her hands and gaze away from you, ― i-i'm going to get unnie- she must know what to do- ― you quickly interrupted her sentence with a desperate grunt, holding the girl's wrist for dear life.
‣ ―no- don't. Please. ― even if your voice held a stern tone, you almost begged. Ever since the beginning of this game, you could notice something was wrong with Hyun-ju. At the end of the first game, you two swore to go back home- except she didn't follow that promise, ashamedly clicking on the blue 'O' button. And now, it didn't seem her opinion would change, you could see through her. You know how big of an opportunity this was to change to change both of your lives, and mostly how big of a step it would be to help with her transition. As much as she was ashamed to admit to you, and only you- she couldn't leave this early in the game.
‣ and you didn't want to worry her.
‣ hearing your determined tone, the girl silently nodded, quietly going back to her spot. ― but... Please, treat this as soon as you can. Being injured in a place like this is no good. ― she advised apprehensively. You nodded softly, wanting nothing more than to reassure her that you could manage.
-
‣ you held your pained grunts as you tried to massage your knee without waking up anyone. As the lights turned off, you rapidly pulled your pants up to try to access the situation your injury was. Now finally having time to take a better look at it, even in the dark, you could see how purple and bruised it looked. You had no experience in this field, but tried your best to make the aching pain go away with the little knowledge you had.
‣ you let out a shocked gasp as you felt a strong hand on your shoulder, backing off just to quickly stop due to the throbbing pain. As you fearfully turned your head around, you were met with the stoic face of no one other than Hyun-ju. Her face was turned down as she nonchalantly sat on your bed.
‣ she grabbed your wrists and easily took them off of your knee, earning an agonizing hiss from you. You looked at her, a confused expression on your face as you tried to find the right words to express your thoughts. ― how... How did you know i- ―
‣ ― young-mi. ― she answered shortly, cutting you off without further explanation. Well, it's not like you needed it. She replaced your hands with hers on where they where previously, massaging your knee with a more strong and experienced grip.
‣ after a short period of silence, she continued. ― you should have told me. You can't be this reckless. ― she stated in a low and frustated tone, not letting place for any discussion.
‣ you could only sigh as you allowed her treat you, the pain gradually subsiding. As she finished, you continued looking down ashamedly without muttering a word. As if on cue to act, you received an unasked, but welcomed kiss to your lips, the tense atmosphere quickly shattering down. You looked up to see the previous stern expression on her face gone, replaced by a more soft and caring one.
‣ ― please, don't hesitate to tell me if something happens. I wouldn't live down if anything happened to you. ― she muttered while looking lovingly into your eyes.
‣ you nodded softly while guiding her to lay down with you on your bed, taking care to not injure your knee further. She wrapped her arms around you, laying your face on her chest. As you both settled in, you felt yourself falling asleep quickly. The fatigue creeping up as you snuggled yourself further into her.
‣ young-mi, you snitch.
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faynthearted · 9 hours ago
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this update is devastating for obvious reasons but there's something else I've been thinking about all day
yes, the box is a confirmation that guan shan considered he tian an important person in his life and that he never really moved on after he tian left. that realization is hard-hitting, but my god, there's another underlying component that makes this discovery especially emotional to me
after spending a lifetime in isolation (a deliberate choice for self-preservation btw), he tian now has physical, undeniable evidence that someone cares/cared for him. and not just the idea of him, not the physicality of him (guan shan literally covered his face with tape), but just him and the time they spent together
I imagine this realization must feel like if someone approached you in a quiet and windowless room and said, "there's a bad rainstorm happening outside." you would trust/understand what they're conveying and you'd have an idea of what a 'bad storm' entails. you'd say, "oof, that sucks, hopefully it lets up soon."
but if you actually got up and walked outside and felt the rain pelting your face like bullets and saw trees getting uprooted in the wind and streets flooding with swells of water and roofs getting torn off houses and streetlights shattered and collapsed in the intersections, you'd backpedal and think, "oh shit. I didn't know it was this bad."
that's what I think he tian might be experiencing in those last few panels.
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during their school days, guan shan eventually started showing how much he cared about he tian. he tian trusted and understood what guan shan was trying to convey, and he got a taste of what it was like to care for someone and be cared for by someone. he sampled what it’s like to be important to someone, and to be seen by someone in both the dark and the light
but now, years later, opening that (bittersweet) memory box is like the equivalent of walking into the rainstorm. during the entire time he was gone, he tian was hoping that guan shan still remembered/missed him. he knew his absence probably hurt him, but since he wasn’t there to witness the aftermath, he only had an idea of what that hurt looked like. but his hope about guan shan’s feelings wasn't certain and it definitely wasn't verifiable. he tian had an idea of what ‘guan shan cared for me’ and ‘we shared something special’ meant. but, really, he only had memories and his own interpretation of those memories. nothing physical, nothing tangibly conclusive or outright
but now the rain feels like bullets and there’s devastation in knowing that the damage is significant — but somehow there’s also the touching revelation that he tian is lovable and capable of being wanted and missed. it is possible for someone to see the worst sides of him and endure the awful heartbreak he puts them through and still think he’s worth missing/grieving. he risked his self-preservation and the payoff was the best and worst thing that ever happened to him
the box and the layers of torn tape show that guan shan hates what he tian did to him but he doesn’t hate he tian. he kept and memorialized every significant memento in their relationship, even if he did it with some anger or reluctance. this is truly the best-case scenario, yet it’s also a wounding reminder about the time lost and the pain inflicted
at the end of the day, it just hurts
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bartholomewls · 1 day ago
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first and foremost, hey lunar! it's been a while. unfortunate to find your tumblr like this, but, well, here we are.
i'm the person who previously identified as vamp_shy in multiple places, and i was a mod for bloodweave brainrot nearly since its inception. i wrote quite a few fics for the fandom in the pretty early days, including farewell wanderlust. i met a lot of my new friends because the server. i met the person who, soon, is going to be becoming my wife.
mj was trying to undermine me as a person and as a moderator very, very early on, but their accusations of my behavior later on made me legitimately scared to stay anywhere near this fandom in a public sense.
i had formed a lot of the original groundwork for the nsfw parts of the server before, from what i understand, things fell the fuck apart. i always tried to foster as much inclusivity and positivity while minimizing things that could harm others as much as possible, and a lot of my drive was to be inclusive of marginalized identities, *especially* trans people, considering i am one myself (yeah, they tried to lie about this too, before you ask).
i, and the mod team, made a genuine mistake in some of our phrasing in an announcement regarding a situation involving those exact morals centering around trans people. considering most of the mod team was part of if not some, almost all of those minorities, we all felt guilty for the way it had ended up working out and the words we had chosen because they did hurt people, even if they had been said trying to do the right thing and protect many members of the community that had come forward to disclose their discomfort about this group.
in an attempt to appease mj, i was thrown under the bus entirely and blamed for a majority of the situation, despite having made the announcement with multiple mods involved. this happened during one of the most stressful parts of my life, and after the mistake had happened, mj was damn well going to hold it against me, not to mention try to manipulate my partner about it.
they grew close with my partner and took advantage of their ability to trust in the good of others and their want to make new friends, likely as an attempt to get more closely involved with moderation of the community, since the mods had all already agreed that mj should never be allowed to become one. they fed my partner lie after lie about *so* many things, including but not limited to:
- the character of others
- the motives of other moderators
- possibly making edits of multiple screenshots to manipulate situations further
- me and *my* character, including implying that i was actively trying to abuse my partner and did not want to take accountability for the situation above. as someone who had only recently gotten out of an abusive relationship, this stung the most. it nearly worked. had i not shown my partner my conversations i had been having with mj and we had not started comparing discrepencies, i would have lost him entirely. i cared so, so deeply about the community and tried to uplift trans voices every step of the way, but they actively tried to spread the idea that i was lying about being trans and was, in fact, trying to do the very thing their group had been accused of: being trans fetishists.
- their relationship status with one of the other moderators. by the way mj, what the fuck were you thinking? that mod is ace/aro and *also* just excited to make friends, and the shit that you told my partner and other people was fucking revolting. they were a kind person that you tried to manipulate, seemingly only for sexual benefit, and you are Fucking Married. you do not deserve your partner the way that you have spoken about them privately to multiple people while you actively tried to pursue relationships with other people.
- that they had permission to take multiple people's ocs for their own writing purposes. this is also one of the more weird points?? they actively plagarized quite a few people in the community, including myself and quite a bit of the mod team, and seem to have taken a lot of these popular ocs purely to add to their own clout-goblin activities.
- that no one in the mod team was part of any minority, and that we were actively trying to stomp out the trans people in our community
- that their own partner was abusive for literally just being autistic. no, i am not kidding, this is something they actively said.
these are just the things that happened while i was still present in the server, which i left, by the way, because the harrassment had grown so bad i was actively considering taking my life in response because i was terrified of how far this person would be willing to go in order to try to ruin my reputation online and my relationships.
by the way? the moderation team knew about all of this very, very early on and knew that mj was a problem, and did nothing about it, despite receiving all of the evidence from my partner and i and actively spectating their behavior in the server, and did nothing until it apparently became Literally Illegal. i do believe some of the moderation that was brought in in the later waves was in mj's pocket to try to manipulate the server, despite never applying to become a moderator to begin with. they knew of the harrassment that was happening against me, my friends, and others, and did *nothing* to stop it because they were afraid of the publicity it might induce. they also wiped all of my documentation i had left behind of this situation in the server as soon as i left, clearly never intending to use it in the first place. to the moderators still present, especially the ones that had been there since the beginning? you did this. you let this happen. there are some mods that tried to stop it, including myself and my partner, but we were actively *denied* the ability to fix any of this situation and stop it before more people got hurt. it didn't have to go this far, but it was actively allowed to happen because of fear of their group and how actively popular their work is.
i use this word very sparingly, but i do think mj is a genuine monster. you stepped into a community centered on positivity, kindness, and uplifting the voices of marginalized people and tried to poison it, all in the name of popularity. for someone who actively bragged about being marginalized, including being a "generational queer" (genuinely what the fuck is this supposed to represent, you don't see other people bragging about having queer parents, what is your Deal??????), you managed to take some of the most marginalized of the community and show to them that it was unsafe, especially at your own hands.
mj, i know you're reading this because you are a never-ending clout demon who only gives a shit about their own reputation and pleasure, i mean this sincerely: get help. you are so far down this tunnel, and you have done a great deal of digging it yourself. the world is not out to get you in the way that you think, and it by no means ever justifies the pain you have inflicted on other people with your lies and manipulation. i don't know what you had against me, and i don't know if you were trying to ruin my relationship to be with my partner, i can't even pretend to understand what the fuck is going on with you. you were older than almost all of us, and yet this is the way you acted. this is not how *anyone* should behave, especially if they're in a queer community, nevertheless one about Two Abused Characters. this wasn't even a fully comprehensive list of the things you did. i, by no means, do not claim to be a perfect or blameless person by far, but you sure seem hellbent in portraying that for yourself. just get help, man, jesus christ
Bloodweave Community
There is an insidious person in the BW fandom. You may think I’m close to him, but I’ve never been. I played along because I mistakenly thought I was wrong about him. Then countless people started revealing their own stories. He is the most vocal and EVERYWHERE. It’s a smokeshow.
In DMs, he tears people down, shares other's secrets, pushes for private information like addresses/cell numbers. He accuses others of bigotry and cruelty then acts the victim the moment someone disagrees. He smiles at you and then shits on you the moment your back is turned.
I’m not trying to start rumors, I’m trying to warn people. DO NOT GIVE HIM YOUR PERSONAL INFORMATION. I have a wealth of screenshots that I’ve been collecting for over a year of increasingly disgusting behavior. Due to recent escalated events, I’m no longer going to be silent. He is a blight in our community. Excise him.
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nthspecialll · 2 days ago
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Blind Man Cassidy and his fortunes
If you play red dead two, which I assume you do if you come across this post, you will without a doubt have come across Blind Man Cassidy, the blind fortune teller standing on the side of the road in the middle of shit-fuck nowhere (srs how does he get all the way out to Tumbleweed?) all acorss the map, willing to tell you a fortune for a mere dollar.
At first glance these fortunes seem pretty useless, even the protagonists brushes them off without thinking more about them, however when you know the full story they actually make quite a good amount of sense, so here are my enterpretions of them
Arthur's fortunes
"Make your final moments your best moments, sir. Know glory and forget about shame."
Living life how you wish to live. Arthur stands with a choice, on one hand he wants to rip loose from Dutch and help the Marstons but on the other hand he is scared of what Dutch thinks because that is still his father. I feel this is "know the glory of helping and forget the same your father will cast on you."
"You must decide between your past and others' future, friend. Decide, for soon it will be too late."
Arthur's past is that of crime and of loyalty, one he would likely have continued if it wasn't for the events of rdr2, however following that life of crime would have gone in the way of something else, helping John. He has to decide if he wants to continue to live the life he has always lived by Dutch's side but leaving John to his own or if he wishes to stand by John and leave Dutch.
"That which is killing you will help you, finally, to see. And see clearly, friend. See and hear."
Tuberculousis. The TB is quite literally killing him but it is also helping him realise everything that is wrong around him.
"Your father is seduced by the one with the forked tongue... it's no use hoping."
The one with the forked tongue means the snake, which in this fortune is a reference to Micah who is the liar and manipulator seducting Dutch... And it seems Cassidy knew that Dutch was lost even before Arthur did.
"Your whole life, sir, you have followed the wrong star."
Dutch has quite literally been Arthur's guiding star his entire life, he has followed his footsteps, done everything he asked, stood by his side, so on and so forth, but in the end it wasn't Dutch that Arthur should be following, he gave him nothing but hurt.
"Your whole life is one of regret... but it can end better than it began."
Arthur has regretted a lot in life, we can read that in his journal. Wishing he stood by Mary, wishing he was a better rather to Isaac, wishing he saw Dutch for who he was earlier, but as Charles said, he is lucky to know he is dying because now he can change what kind of man he is.
"You are not who you think you are, sir... which is lucky."
Arthur often says he is a bad man, that he is no good and a mere killer, but he isn't. A terrible man would never do the things he did, would never help like he did, which is good because a lot of the gang relied on Arthur to be good.
"Bad news awaits you, sir. Sadly, sooner than you think. But beyond the news, paradise awaits. Paradise..."
Bad news would in this fortune be TB, it is coming for him and there is nothing he can do, but beyond those news of terror comes something else, truth, clarity, the knowledge of what he must do and what really happened. Another interpreation of "paradise" could be death, while it would seem like bad news Arthur does mention that he has longed for death for a long time which isn't surprising considering he has been working his ass of his entire life and might just need a break, even an eternal one.
"Run from the seeker, sir. Run and keep running, or help others to run."
Dutch always sees himself as a seeker, he even says so, a seeker of truth, the seeker Arthur must run from, so either he must run (likely to Mary) or he must stay and help others, help the gang when the time comes.
"You didn’t run when last we spoke, sir. You didn’t run far enough."
- He didn't leave, he didn't go with Mary so now the choice is made for him, he must help the others.
"Keep moving, sir. Keep moving... but don’t move too fast."
I think this is a fortune everyone needs to hear, outlaw or not, 1899 or not. We all we need move forwards, we all need to keep moving, but often times while we keep moving with a certian goal in mind we forget to live. We keep running and running and at some point we forget to live in the moment, we disappear from the present, shut down until we reach a future we will disappear from when we reach. For Arthur it is even more important that he doesn't disappear from the present because he doesn't have a future.
"You keep hidden all that matters, sir. Maybe even from yourself..."
Arthur is a fairly private person, he doesn't share that much, however what matter is him, is his emotions, yet he doesn't tell them to anyone, he doesn't show himself or his feelings to anyone, particuarlly in the end he is closed off, also to himself.
"I sense great confusion in you, sir. Great confusion. Not... because you... do not know, but because you are afraid of what you know."
The great confusion comes from the fact that he knows Dutch is gone far before he is actually ready to accept it. Him and Hosea discuss it as early as chapter one, he knows Dutch is gone, but he doesn't quite accept it.
"I see the morrows and see them clearly, sir. Even when all reason is lost, and all truth has become lie, you will stand firm. For loyalty is both your saving and your curse."
Throughout the game everything Arthur believes in will be turned upside down, Marston will be good, Dutch will be bad, Hosea is gone and Micah is still there, but he doesn't waver. Arthur will stand tall, loyality has always been his thing and it will help him save others and help him keep his head clear in the end, but it will physically kill him.
"Be warned, sir, be warned. Surrounded by fields of burning fire and flesh, the devil will make his sacrifice."
I hear many say this is about Eagle Flies, however I would like to think that this is more about Dutch leaving Arthur in the middle of the chaos they have created. Everything is strange, things are off, no one trusts one another and then Dutch leaves Arthur, both emotionally and physically.
"Be warned, sir, do not slumber too deeply... for the man with no nose is coming for you."
The man with no nose is death and if Arthur relaxes too much he will die, his body will give out on him.
"Just as evil begat evil your whole life long, so good may beget good."
Arthur has done a lot of evil throughout his life and that evil came back to him, evil causes evil. However in the end when he did good, he will also get good back, it will set off a chain of good.
Marston's fortunes
"You have learned the most important lesson of all. That only one thing matters and all else is lies."
Family is the most important thing. John has gone through hell and back but the one thing it taught him was that his family was worth it.
"Embrace those who love you, not the memory of those who pretended to."
Once again this is family related, John should stop chasing and obsessing over Dutch who did nothing for him, but rather focus on those who do love him, his family.
"You remember the past at the expense of the future."
While I do think that even if he hadn't gone for Micah that he would have been found at some point, John going after Micah, remembering the future, did speed up the process that ended up killing his family.
"You’re a fool, fiend. But not so much a fool as you think, nor such a fiend. The past is done, the future is yet to come."
The past is done, 1899 is done, the future has yet to come, 1911.
"They will come for you, friend. When they do, you will not have a choice. But you have lived better than most."
When the Pinkertons come to take John's life he will have no choice, he will be trapped and he will die, but he can comfort himself on the fact that he had a loving family, a good home and people who liked him.
"Two strangers seek thee. One from this world... perhaps one from another... One brings hatred... I'm not so sure what the other brings"
One from this world, one who is human, Edgar Ross, and one who is not, The Strange Man. They know what Edgar wants, but they don't quite know what The Strange Man wants.
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thescreaminghat · 2 days ago
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just thinking about tf armada optimus after unicron is defeated (spoilers), when he's been battered by fighting and is now drifting aimlessly amidst the debris in space and comes across the matrix of leadership, the very symbol of authority and hope for the autobots---the symbol that he chose to discard before accepting a final fight with megatron---and how he resignedly says, "i dont deserve it".
like ig there's the interpretation that he somehow "stooped down" to megatron's level by engaging in the 1v1, but i dont really get that vibe, and it feels a little too simple, even for the often questionable dialogue choices for the eng dub. i dont get the impression that somehow optimus is now "bad" because he accepted megatron's challenge, because he's been fighting megatron for fucking 10 million years, and it's presented as a "necessary evil" even though the whole point with the minicons is that conflict and war and fighting is, probably, more of a harmful thing than a good one, because megatron's purpose is to control and exploit the minicons for his own ends (i.e. the series series is still a kids' show, meaning certain tropes, like "the good guys ultimately need to come out on top", are still going to be used even if moral complexities are explored).
rather, i get the sense that optimus's somewhat mournful/regretful rejection of the matrix comes from the fact that he didn't fully acknowledge all sides of him and never got the change to. despite the fact that his obsession with op clouds his judgment like 99% of the time, megs knows himself way too well---there was no way on god's green earth that he and op were going to hold hands and kumbaya and that's what he lived by his entire life. bro held onto an infatuation of the millennia but also held a level of animosity and craving that likely rivalled the level of forgiveness and generosity of primus himself. and megatron accepted this, accepted that he wanted to battle and feel in control and in the end, when the only thing he had left to prove was to his forever rival, that was all he wanted: one good fight and he would be at peace with the outcome of the entire universe (im counting what happens in tf energon as its own thing at this point, it's way too messy of a direct continuation of armada). imo megatron stayed true to his own feelings without the necessity of hamfisting a redemption arc, he went through notable growth (biggest example being his shift after starscream's death) but in the end, there were parts of him that were never going to change, so in a way, he saw his journey through to the end and made the choice to sacrifice himself for optimus because of that acceptance
in contrast, i get the sense that because optimus must constantly act as a figurehead to the autobots, he's not truly able to be 100% honest with what he wants, and who he is. not that there's any doubt that he truly believes in his mission, and that he hasn't been deceitful or dishonest, but i got the sense throughout the series that optimus keeps a lot to himself because he can't be anything less than the protector of the matrix (e.g. when starscream leaves the autobots, hotshot, furious and hurt at the betrayal, starts yelling at optimus and doubting why he made the choices that he did, op doesn't say anything. instead he just walks away, with this pained silence following him out the door, leaving scavenger to chew out hotshot for "disobeying orders"---which seemed kind of, idk, a weirdly ironfisted way (at least from the autobot side) to shut down some genuinely good and earnest questions. and that specific moment of tension never really gets resolved, because optimus sacrifices himself to, in a way, "make up" for his and starscream's mistake). why doesn't he defend himself? if he truly believed in starscream and the inherent goodness of all cybertronians then why not express that directly to hotshot with passion, with conviction, with acceptance of all aspects of his own beliefs?
ig what im trying to say is, being the bearer of the matrix seems to instil (at least to me) this sense of "purity" or "virtuous aloofness" in optimus, whether out of duty or a genuine belief in those qualities as being the ideal. so when optimus discards the matrix specifically to fight megatron, and subsequently tells himself that he "doesn't deserve" that symbol of leadership, i think what he is berating himself for is having enjoyed a fight just a little too much or at the wrong time, having chosen to do something that wouldn't have fit the mould he had held himself to. his first response to megatron's reminiscing about how their fight reminded him of the "good old days" is denial ("i can't say that i enjoyed it").
tldr my interpretation (definitely wrong) is that op has a lot of responsibility and it seems to create a kind but also distant version of him in armada; it feels like op is repressing a lot of who he is and the rejection of the matrix brings him into the daunting realization that yeah, maybe that was for the better. maybe it's ok to not deserve that honour. he'll have to accept that and live with it, but it's ok.
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realscreaminggoat · 14 hours ago
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my rough draft for the song analysis essay is done! it took me forever but i would appreciate feedback if you have any 💜💚
(spoiler warning)
The Ballad of the Witches Road Analysis
Marvel is gay now, that is pretty exciting. Now that the hook is done, it is time to get into the essay. Agatha All Along is a show about Agatha Harkness, a 350 year old witch, and how she, her ex, her found coven, and their gay adopted teenager trek down the Witches Road (which does not exist), to get what they want most. It is a long and dangerous journey, but worth it in the end. They sing a song/protection spell, and if listened to closely, it foreshadows a lot of Agatha’s past, and the terrible event of her son’s death, all to an exciting and upbeat tune.
The first verse is sung entirely by Agatha, so of course it would relate solely to her. She sings, “I have learned the lesson/Of all that’s foul and fair”. This is referencing her son Nicky, who was destined to die at birth. She begged Lady Death, otherwise known as Rio, to help him live, and Rio agreed to break the rules and give them more time together because she loved Agatha. Nicky was alive for six more years before Rio had to take him. Nicky’s death was her lesson on all that foul and fair, because although it hurt and she was angry with Rio for years, she eventually learned that it had to happen, and Rio was just doing her job. The verse then goes on to discuss Agatha’s present time, as well as the Road. She sings, “The road is there/And so I dare/To risk this heart of mine”. Rio was on the Road, and Agatha was stuck with her while still angry over Nicky’s death. She remembered how much she loved Rio during her time on the Road, and that she was just doing her job by taking Nicky. The song transitions of a chorus which most states “Down down down the road/Down the witches road” many times over again, before moving to the second verse (also sung by Agatha)
Verse two references both the present and Agatha’s past with Rio. The verse begins with the lines “I have known the power/Of midnights in the wood/”. This, of course, is about the night that Nicky died. He died during the night. Rio came to take him without waking Agatha, most likely because she knew that Agatha would protest. That was a very powerful time in Agatha’s life, and the grief of losing her son also helped her to become more powerful by fueling her rage to kill other witches. Next the song references Agatha and Rio’s relationship with “I’ve danced inside the circle/Of all that bad and good”. Rio is seen as both bad and good by Agatha because her job is necessary for life and must be done, but it also causes her massive amounts of grief over the loss of Nicky. Now, back to the present with the lines, “Tame your fears/A door appears/To love that never dies”. They are on the road now, and forced to be together after everything that has happened, and Agatha is reminded of her love for Rio. Even after everything that happened between them over the centuries her love for Rio never died. The song goes back to the past with the next part, the bridge.
The bridge is arguably the most important part of the song, with multiple meanings and interpretations. The bridge seems very straightforward at first, reminding the audience that the song was written as a love song, and it can be connected to Agatha’s situation very closely. The bridge goes as follows, “If I can’t reach you/Let my song teach you/All you need to keep our love alive/If I can’t hold you/Remember what I told you/It’s the only way we survive/We survive”. This is going all the way back to Nicky, Agatha’s son. He was the one who made the first ballad, and although it did not include these lyrics, the song itself was a way of putting a name on what he and his mother did to stay alive. They travelled and tricked other witches into attacking Agatha, and then she stole their power and killed them. This helped Agatha to become more powerful, but it also kept Rio busy, and stopped her from being able to come and collect Nicky, who was supposed to die at birth. Rio gave them extra time together, but Agatha still tried to prolong that time as much as possible. Eventually Rio did have to take Nicky, and after word Agatha turned the song into a ballad and used it to trick witches into believing in the Road, and that singing it would open the Road. When the road did not open they attacked her and she stole their power in hopes of gaining enough to bring her son back. The song taught them that their Road (travelling and killing witches) was a way to stay alive, and that it was the only way to stay alive. The audience is then transported back to the present with the next verse (after a brief guitar solo), that has lyrics relating to each witch on the Road.
Verse three, if listened to closely, references each of the main characters in the show. The verse begins by stating “The Road is wild and wicked” to state that now it is talking about the present. The next line states, “Winding out of time”. This line references Lilia, because her time on the road led to her doing what other Marvel characters have called “time slipping”. She began to experience her life out of order, and had moments of saying something random that confused the people around her. She was living outside of normal time. Billy is referenced next. One of his reasons for going on the Road was that he wanted to find his brother, thus the lyric “What’s lost is found” was added to this verse, because he ended up finding his brother in the end. “What fierce is bound” is in reference to Jen, who was bound of her power over a century ago, and all she wants is to get it back. She gets her power back when she reaches the end of the Road, unlike Alice and Sharon, who do not reach the end. Alice and Sharon die before the end, which explains the line “We’re broken and we’re burned”. Although one could argue that they both got what they wanted. Sharon wanted to leave, and her death certainly got her off the Road, while Alice wanted to find out what happened to her dead mother. Following her into death most likely means they got to meet and she could ask her mother what happened to her. Last but not least the line “But take a breath/And dance with death/My love cannot be turned” is a direct reference to Agatha and Rio. She avoided Rio for centuries, and she hated her for what she did. The Road forced them to be together (thus the “dance with death” line), and Agatha cannot deny her love for Rio. The ultimate point of the show is that Agatha loves Rio, and Rio loves Agatha. It is fitting that they be the last reference made in the song, as they loved each other until the end.
Each verse delves into Agatha’s trauma, and the life changing event of her son's death, while also discussing the present experience of the Road, and how those two experiences relate. It also discusses Rio, and how Agatha cannot stop loving her, and how she came to understand that Rio loves her and did not want to have to take Nicky from her. The song is one of the most powerful parts of the show, littered with foreshadowing and tragedy disguised as an upbeat tune.
(im tagging people who interacted with the og post if you want removed just message me
@sweetestberryofthebunch @silentwordsmyth @kissing-chefs @jade-lopez-maximoff @fakeagatha @babyqueenfangirl @popcorn-plots @milli-moi @clericallyinsane @lesbiifem @nevergraciee @diescrydarm @piinek @sp00kyb4be
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burquillos · 15 hours ago
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I genuinely forgot that tumblr is a place that is actually decent for posting text Anyways, 431 AU Hurt and Comfort drabble following Izuku's train of thought "I've always failed to protect Kacchan and now that I don't have the power to do it anymore, the best course of action is to give up on my dream, so he follows me out of danger"
"You don't get it Kacchan!! I can't protect you anymore, you could get hurt!!"
"You're already hurting me!"
Izuku shuts his mouth. How could he say anything to that? He knows what he's been doing to Kacchan. He isn’t inviting him to guest teach that often for no reason. He hoped he could show Kacchan there are other ways of being Hero, one where he wouldn’t need to put his life in danger. He has also been deliberate in keeping Kacchan at arm’s length, just far enough to look like Just Another Person in his life, he wouldn’t want any villains getting any bright ideas especially now that he’s powerless. He's not as stupid or oblivious as people think. It hurts to see Kacchan upset, but a miserable Kacchan is better than a dead one. It's selfish of him but he can't let him go. He can’t lose him again.
Katsuki takes a deep breath like he's gathering all weight he's been carrying and then letting it drop abruptly. "Look, Izuku. I've been there before... I know you're scared." Deku flinches at that. "That's why you keep pushing me away. I finally understand how frustrating it must have been for you to lend out your hand and get it slapped away every time. That's why I don't blame you. I had no idea how you did it back then, but I've tried to follow your example, to be as strong and persevering as you were, to never give up on people.” Katsuki pauses, thinking before he steels himself to say the words, “But at some point you have to let me move on from you, just like how you moved on from me."
His words sound defeated, like everything he just said is an undeniable, unchangeable truth, and maybe it is. But the end?
"Is that what you think? That I moved on from you?” their eyes finally meet. “Kacchan, I'm still fucking stuck in that coffin in the sky! YOU DIED!! Because I couldn't get there in time! Because I treated you like you were special! Because I... I loved you and everybody could see it.”
“I was so happy when I got closer to you back at UA. You were always so bright and I’ve always dreamed of standing there by your side instead of watching you from afar like I’ve always had but I got too careless. I wanted to stay there forever, I really did but everybody kept hurting Kacchan.”
“Even at our worst, everyone saw how hard I tried to chase after you. I hated myself for not being able to say so many things, for not being able to tell you 'You're more than just a Hero to me'. But in the end, it didn’t even matter because Everybody. Still. Fucking. Knows. Because I can't control myself. Because I always slip up. Because I always lose my shit when it comes to you!
How could I move on from you when I have to spend every day scared shitless that everyone would know how much I want you and take you away from me!?”
At this point, Izuku’s completely broken down and Katsuki lets him. It was a long time coming after all. He approaches Izuku to hold him, Izuku hold him back tightly like he never wants to let go. They stay like that for a few minutes, Kacchan softly petting his hair while he calms down. After a while, Kacchan speaks.
“You don’t have to worry about anyone taking me away from you, Izuku.”
He looks up from his place snuggled on Kacchan’s chest, “What?”
“Already yours, have been for a while. Ya just need to act like it.”
“I already told you why I can’t-“
“Then try harder. Make me undoubtedly yours. Show them what happens when they mess with something that you own.”
Izuku doesn’t know if Kacchan’s words is just there to hype him up or if he’s being entirely serious about it. Either way, it sends tingles up his spine and warmth to his cheeks. But that embarrassment quickly evolves to shame.
“What if I fail again... I couldn’t even protect you even when I had all the power in world.”
“I’m not asking for your protection Izuku, just like how you didn’t ask for mine when I ran after you and jumped in front of all of those spikes. Those were MY choices and all I ask of you is to run after me too, to choose me.”
Izuku looks at him stunned. His heart feels so full he feels like he’s about to burst again. He never imagined there would be a world where he would chase after Kacchan and Kacchan would be expecting him to catch up and run by his side instead of running away from him in fear. It was everything he ever wished for as a kid.
He still thinks he’s not strong enough, but he can be brave. The same quirkless kid who chased his dreams in spite of it all.
“Okay, Kacchan.”
He musters up all his strength to smile at Katsuki and to his surprise and delight he smiles right back.
“I won’t be far behind!”
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theonlymanny · 1 day ago
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Jacob x male reader
Summary: you Bella and Jacob were best friends since diapers. when Bella left, you and Jacob started dating. but a disaster happens when he breaks your heart.
Warning: death. Mentions of suicide.
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"hey Jacob what do you think if we go out this Sunday." "I don't know M/n I'm kind of busy" "come on... it's Been centuries since we last hung out." Jacob let out a sigh "listen M/n I am busy and tired. I can't waste my time with something so unnecessary."
You looked down not wanting to show your sadness. "I'm sorry..." "alright... we can go to the theater this Sunday." "really?" "yes.." "alright! pick me up at 3? 4? you decide I don't want to ask Paul. , bye! love you."
"Love you too..."
"hey, where are you going?" "oh, I am going to the theater with Jake." "I Don't understand what you see in that guy... you deserve someone better." "are you going to bring this again?" "hey I'm just saying!"
After you finished you waited outside for your boyfriend. but he never came. after 1 hour you decided to text him but he never answered. "he wouldn't forget... Right?" after almost two hours it started pouring rain.
"M/n get inside you're going to get sick!" you were so busy crying that you didn't notice Paul carrying you inside. "I thought he remembered..." "he never came... I am so beating his ass!" "Paul wait no! I'm sure he had a-" "a what M/n!? a reason he left you? who knows if he is probably fucking anyone else right now!" "don't say that..." "I know who it was... its that chick named Bella!"
Paul bolted outside the house. "stay here and don't dare to follow me!" "Paul wait!"
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Paul traveled all the way to Jacobs house. only to find Bella and the pack outside talking.
"what did you do to him!"
"Bella calm-" "where is Jacob!?" Everyone turned around to see an angry Paul who looked like he was about to kill someone.
"PAUL!!!! I'm so glad your here. have you met Bella?" "you..." "Why is he looking at me like that?" "Paul... don't do it." Sam warned Paul in a serious way. "You ruined my brother's relationship!" "I don't even know your stupid brother!" Paul started growling and loosing control of himself "Paul calm down... don't do anything you will regret."
Right after your brother shifted you screamed at Bella "Bella RUN!!!" Sam, Jared and Embry turned to face you. "dude what happened?" "I'll tell you later-" Before you could finish Jacob ran towards Bella and also shifted.
Your brother was right... he was with Bella...
"Paul stop!" Paul turned to you and quickly shifted back. "I told you to not follow me!" "I knew you were going to do something after I told you! why are you doing this? were you going to hurt Bella?" Jacob also shifted back and he looked really angry.
After You said sorry to Bella about what happened it was now only you and Jacob. "I'm sorry this happened. I didn't mean this. I'm so sorry this will never happen again I promise." "you're right... it won't happen because we are done."
"what?" "don't act stupid you heard me, WE ARE OVER! I never liked you anyway." "but we been together for almost 4 years... I-I don't understand..." "Well you see I just started dating you because Bella left. YOU DON'T MEAN ANYTHING TO ME!" "You're lying... you just-" "listen here I don't want you anywhere near me or Bella. YOU WERE JUST A REPLACEMENT. BECAUSE MY DAD SAID YOU WERE GOOD FOR ME!”
You ran. You ran and didn’t stop, didn’t look back.
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After almost an hour of non stop moving you ended up lost. “Where… am I?” You were tired, hungry, and heartbroken.
You wanted to end it. There was no other way. Who were you going to leave? Jacob doesn’t love you. Paul will find his imprint and live a happy life. Just like the rest of the pack.
Suddenly you heard a sound, but before you could even react something grabbed you by your neck.
With the pack
Jacob finally arrived after a long 1 hour and 24 minutes
“Where’s M/n?” Bella and Paul asked almost at the same time. Jacob didn’t. Want to tell Bella and the pack that you ran away. “He… I-i don’t know…” “what do you mean you don’t know where he is!?” Paul asked aggressively and pushed Jacob.
“I don’t know! We broke up! I fucked up ok!?” Jacob regretted everything he said to you. How he saw your face scared of him.
“I know how m/n can be, if he ran away an hour ago he is probably not far… we need to catch up.” Almost everyone was surprised that Paul didn’t kill Jacob. But they needed to worry about where you were first.
“Do you have anything we can use to track M/n?” Sam asked Jacob. “He dropped his gloves before we left I was going to give it to him but we left.” Bella gave Sam the old looking gloves that Paul probably gave to you in your birthday.
Everyone shifted and got a sniff of the gloves. Sam growled before he started running. Everyone followed him except Jacob. “Take me with you.” Bella coldly told Jacob. “ I can’t it’s too dang-”. “Just do it dammit!”
Back with M/n
“Let.me.go…” you barely said because you couldn’t breathe.
“Let him go…” a red haired woman said who you could recognize. “Victoria….” The woman that tried to kill Bella when she started dating that weirdo.
“I see you’re one of the mutts brother… and I thought you were only human…” “I’m not a shifter.” You tried to sound intimidating even knowing you were about to shit your pants.
“I thought maybe I could kill you… because well you are Bella’s best friend.” You rolled your eyes at that… you were still afraid of what she was going to do. “Or maybe… I could turn you…” “what?” “Common… I know that your boyfriend left you for Bella. We will both get revenge for what she did…”
Your eyes opened wide at her words. She was right tho… Bella took Jacob from you. But she was still your best friend. “I…” “common I’ll help you go through it. Who knows you’d probably stop being so weak after all… tell you what. You help me defeat the Cullens and you will get your revenge on that mutt… we both win.”
You considered her idea. After all you weren’t going to hurt Bella. And even if you couldn’t hurt Jacob physically you could hurt him mentally… “I’m not sure…” “ you know I could kill you right here and now so you have no option.” “Okay, okay… I’ll help you defeat the Cullens, but! I’m not going to be one of your silly puppets you control. Deal…” you stretched your hand toward Victoria. “Deal… just breathe in… this might hurt a bit.” Before she bit you, you took a deep breath and-
With the pack
“We are close I can feel it…” Paul says to everyone except Bella because well she can talk through her mind. “Paul do you smell that…” everyone could smell that there were vampires around.”what if they caught up to him?” Jared said in a worried tone. “Search the area around, and if you find any leeches… kill them.” Everyone separated into two groups. Sam, Embry, and Jared. And Jacob,Paul and Bella.
“I swear Jacob if something happens to my brother I will rip your spine out of your body.” Jacob didn’t really care about Paul threats now. He just wanted to find you.
But then something that creeped everyone out was a scream. “M/n!” Everyone ran as fast as they could to a bridge nearby. “Please be okay… I promise I will love you forever and that this will never happen again” and Jacob was right… it will never happen again.
Bella wanted to cry right there and now. You weren’t even there. Only a pool of blood and your shirt. Everyone shifted back. “We are late…” Paul dropped to his knees he suddenly threw up. He was out of air. And started crying. “Why…. Why!? This it’s all your fault!”
Jacob couldn’t breathe properly. He knew it was his fault. “No… i didn’t ment this…” Jacob fell to the ground and started crying.
“I’m sorry M/n I failed you…” right next to him was the necklace the he gave to you. The one that Jacob said was worthless and just a piece of trash.
He hugged the necklace so hard that it could almost break. He still had a part of you with him.
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“AUGHHHHHH! Why does my head hurt so much??” “See it wasn’t that bad.”
“ so what powers do I get?” “You just woke up in a weird place and you only wonder what your powers are?” “Shut up…”. “Don’t worry kid we still have to run away… we are not that far from La push… so get up we gotta go.”
“Ugh… were you always this annoying to the other weirdos?” “Remember you’re a weirdo now! And we still have to work on you not trying to kill everyone you come across to. So let’s get moving.”
“I hope it’s worth…”
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Hey everyone!!!! The reason this story is late it’s because my dumbass forgot to save the end of the story so I had to re write it. That’s why it might get confusing in some parts. Hope you enjoy!
Also a short explanation. That Paul and M/n are not biological brothers that’s why Bella doesn’t know Paul’s brother.
Bye ✌️
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neshamama · 1 day ago
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journaling health and going insane but trying to let it out as part of the process of connecting with it and the world realities beyond the inward overwhelm
im without job and health insurance but i have 90 days of my MS medications and even though i am due for a neuro follow up and an echocardiogram i will wait until the state agents finish my applications.. i have mental health issues that haven't been treated in months besides telehealth therapy but i have prn anxiety medication.
the force of depression in multiple sclerosis looks like this: my legs especially hurt to the soles of my feet, rn the brain interprets wearing socks as rough and burning sensation because the brain and spine are damaged,.so there are sensory and spastic arguments, bilaterally, all day every day. the temp is 0⁰F so i can't go without wearing clothes or blankets that trigger symptoms. i also cant have anything too hot or it will cause a reversible exacerbation (even being on your period or getting overwhelmed emotionally can upset nerve conduction in demyelinated cells due to temperature change alone. i moved climate zones after tropical weather was too much. very real and strange phenomenon that i blame myself for not controlling - like the frustration of my arms going numb because my coffee is too hot)
this is all so lonely and when i get up my legs want to give up so soon. i plan breaks and place chairs around the house and of course i have to use a cane all the time. i leave interesting footprints in the snow by the way omg. basic things like taking out trash i cannot do and i wished to be dependent on no one growing up and it disappoints and scares me to adapt to a radically different outcome. i have to trust others and engage with them enough to meet my needs and even if it ends up ok, i feel so guilty for taking help. i will need financial support from my family and i feel so guilty.
meanwhile my brain has been locked on trauma because im not managing emotions very well and my thoughts are rogue and unregulated by stability and routine like of work. applying for jobs i do think of who was omnipresent in my life during my education and career in art and it's a pain held in my body. those years death was the most comforting thought, including the death of the primary abuser and i still think of it daily. i really wish i could move on because wanting to kill is disturbing. i got this way before all of this from deadly physical and sexual abuse from like 2 decades ago again obviously i survived and i really thought that was enough. i swear predators recognize who has survived already, they vet their vulnerabilities and then exploit and silence them again. still i struggle feeling safe anywhere. i need to do more emdr and in office therapy. Also see psychiatrist and update meds.
so im in and out of recognizing life let alone appreciating it which is dangerous cuz it makes it all easier to get out of living. i am afraid to reach out to my mother who is my local support because i don't want to worry and bother her
what i wish is to feel myself again and connect with others and the world again but that seems so far away. my heart is tarred and my brain - an electrical fire my legs prickly weights. very challenging to overcome how this feels and maintain positive beliefs.
first though i want to rest and recover physically and emotionally, see neuro and psych, upgrade level of therapeutic care, hold off on the shame of these struggles and simply try to get through them. right now without income or insurance i am in another tough situation.
im going to apply for a job today with the scarce descriptions of my experience cuz i think in this case details are less important and i can discuss work i did outside that triggering time so..see what happens
stay alive
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yuurivoice · 2 days ago
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I've recommended your content to my friends and a trend that's happened is that all of us seem to be really attached to one character each that fit within our favorite tropes.
My question is how did you end up making your characters so personable to the point each character can cater to a certain audience so well? Almost all of them feel like they could exist in real life and I find that really impressive.
I don't know exactly how I managed to do it, but I think i have pretty good taste and an analytical POV when consuming media. I often feel like I would tweak certain characters in ways that better suit me, and better suit the stories they're in. I have a lot of "wouldn't xyz make this character so much more interesting and impact the story in cool ways?" moments and I've been like that forever.
I think that contributes to me being able to sprinkle a little bit of crack in my characters.
I also pride myself on having my finger on the pulse of what my general audience fucks with. Being able to lay tracks the audience wants to be on and are motivated to continue along is a huge part of storytelling in general.
It's not a science and you'll never get 100% satisfaction, but i think i have a pretty good average. And even when it comes to characters people might not consider their favorites, I can at least be confident that they're part of a broader story that will still hit right. ✨️
It also doesn't hurt I've got 8 years experience specifically baking boys that need to have that special appeal. 😂
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pastafossa · 7 months ago
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Mom: hey how was the witchy meetup
Me, in open delight: I GOT A NATURALLY SCAVENGED JAW BONE
Mom: you WHAT-
Me: *aggressively holds up deer jaw*
Me: DEER JAW
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Bonus:
Me, to dad, holding it up to him like when I was 5 and found a neat rock: DEER JAW
Dad, in the exact same tone used when I was 5 and found a neat rock and showed him: Neat!
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i-reblog-everything44 · 2 months ago
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The fandom when Anya is nice to jimmy and compliments/butters him up after the crash: obviously this is a fawn response. She doesn’t actually think these things about jimmy, she is simply trying to protect herself against a volatile, unstable person by placating him
The fandom when curly tries to placate jimmy by telling Jimmy he’d fix things, after being very nervous about jimmy’s anger and reaction when talking to Anya right beforehand and his heart racing so hard on the way to confront jimmy that he’s likely on the verge of a panic or anxiety attack: hmm. Obviously everything curly is saying to jimmy here is completely genuine and not motivated by anything. He obviously doesn’t care about the fact jimmy raped Anya and only cares about helping jimmy at the detriment to Anya. He’s a rape apologist. There could literally be no other potential explanation for why curly is saying the things he is saying right now. Let’s take everything curly is saying here completely at face value and not analyze anything else about Curly’s behavior or the rest of the scene.
[seriously why are people only capable of recognizing the fawn response in Anya and not Curly]
#to be clear the people who say Anya had a fawn response are RIGHT!#but since curly is a man clearly there’s no way he could be afraid of jimmy#listen. I’m not trying to say curly is completely flawless#and I get why people get mad at curly for what he said to Jimmy there after finding out what jimmy did#because yeah out of context someone telling a rapist stuff like “I’ll fix things” “we’ll get through this together” “you’ve gotten through#difficult times before” in response to said rapist fearing his life will be ruined after his actions are exposed#is deplorable#but you can’t just put things in a vacuum#it was a very difficult situation curly was in. regarding of how he confronts jimmy he’s going to be stuck on a ship with him for 8 months#and before u say “he should’ve just killed Jimmy!” think for a moment.#permanently ending someone’s life is traumatic for the vast majority of people#and this is someone he’s known for years and years so it would be extra difficult#also like. would Anya even want jimmy to be murdered? sure she’d feel safer but I feel like she’d have complicated feelings about it#idk like. it’s a very tricky situation#can’t even report Jimmy to HR because that would result in everyone’s pay getting docked.#which would just hurt Anya since she has no savings#curly mouthwashing#fandom critical#would it felt been more therapeutic for fans if curly instead violently confronted jimmy and beat him up for what he did to Anya? yes#but would that have actually helped Anya? no#if anything it would’ve likely made things worse because Jimmy could’ve just taken his anger out on her afterwards#because they’re on a tiny ship together. only way they could have eliminated the threat to her would be like. tying jimmy up for months#or shoving him in a cryptopod. but knowing pony express I bet improper use of cryptopods would result in docking everyone’s pay#and it would’ve been serviously hard to keep jimmy tied up for months. it’s not like there’s a prison cell on the ship#the crew is already stretched thin do u think they could have someone constantly watch him for 8 months??#because that’s likely what would need to happen if they just kept him tied up#there aren’t any good rooms to lock him in#yes it would’ve been better for everyone in the end if Jimmy was tied up or shoved in a cryptopod or killed#but how was curly supposed to know that. hindsight is 20/20#yes curly should’ve taken the threat jimmy posed more seriously. and handled the situation better. but there were no easy solutions and—
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skunkes · 8 months ago
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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fxckinemo · 20 days ago
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i think i just met an angel????
#like im so fucking serious#okay so i got my birth control shot today but i broke the two needles i already had and got really upset bc the bc is 50 bucks#and in my head i was like omg i have to go back to the pharmacy now bc I can't just waste 50 bucks of bc#and there's air in the vial its gonna dry out whatever whatever i was freakin out bc I've already been stressed and sad#and this was just the cherry on top of the meltdown sundae that's been gettin scoop after scoop for weeks#but anyway i was sitting in the turn lane for the pharmacy closer to my place#(they ended up saying i had to go back to the og pharmacy to buy needles. understandable. still cried more ab it#mostly bc my legs hurt really fucking bad and i didn't want to drive all the way back but anyway)#as im sitting in the turn lane this lady comes up and knocks on my window and at first im like “im not opening the window are you crazy”#but she insists and is like i want to give you money you just look so sad so i crack the window in case she's like. bonkers and this is bait#but she straight up just gives me money and is like “you just looked so sad and I've been there i went through a really bad divorce#here's a hundred dollars“ and then she runs back to her car#so i just kinda sat there in shock and also cried harder bc that's a level of kindness I've never experienced before#im still kinda crying on and off bc omg i swear i met a real life fucking angel. i didn't even see her get back into a car#but tbf i was crying really hard#i did eventually get my needle and got my bc injected but. holy shit????#that was the most genuine kindness i think I've ever experienced and i will do my best to pay that forward whenever i have the means#cause money isn't the main reason I've been upset but it certainly hasn't been helping my mental health either#i already try to be kind when i have the capacity#but i think im going to start actively looking for things i can do to make peoples lives a little brighter#im still kind of in shock it didn't feel real i keep thinking im gonna look and the money will have disappeared but no#that actually happened and im gonna try even harder to be a better person now#i want to do something like that for someone in my position one day#what a way to start the year jfc
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apheliia · 10 months ago
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guys i have no idea when this happened but i have like, multiple new genshin ocs bouncing around in my head
#✧— aphe's musings.#hestia is the name i've chosen for one!#she was la signora's personal assistant before she died and has since deserted the fatui. idk if i talked about her yet or not#the others are unnamed#i've got an expelled vahumana scholar. truth is they are just a silly little guy (gender neutral) who cannot be constrained +#+ they were never going to hurt anyone!!!! they just got a little carried away bro they SWEAR on it!!!!! it was an accident they +#+ really didn't mean to commit like. all of the sins :( they didn't mean it :( (they did mean it. btw. yeah)#(^ they *genuinely* are just a little silly and they happen to have a very strong moral compass. they were *never* going to hurt anyone.)#i have like 5 million fatui ocs HAHA#anyways :) another fatui oc upon ye:#alongside the one who got their limbs torn off and then replaced by dottore there's another fatui agent oc +#+ who joined the fatui following an altercation between pantalone and their former rich guy boss who was in +#+ massive debt that he had not repaid. and they did not know anything about it? and they were basically like +#+ “get fucked loser” they did NOT like him. uhh something something that one quote from yelan's story quest +#+ “give a dog a bone and it will guard your home for the rest of its life” pantalone & oc-core#you guys can pronoun assign all these ocs (except hestia) because idk what pronouns to give them LMFAO#anyways how do you guys make those cute genshin oc posts that make it feel like a canon +#+ character profile..... please teach me 😔#also expelled akademiya student ended up falling into the abyss prior to their expulsion; it was learning of the sins the gods committed +#+ that made them intentionally do things that the akademiya forbode. they and hestia are friends also btw!#they both are working towards the same goal so they help one another out sometimes#they probably kiss idk. maybe queerplatonically i think.
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lauraisakilljoy · 2 months ago
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obx spoilers ahead!!
I'm so conflicted about the season 4 ending because on one hand I get it. life is unfair, it's unrealistic to give all of your characters happy endings, especially if said characters are constantly putting themselves in danger. it makes sense that not everyone survives four seasons of near-death experiences like being held hostage, getting shot at, almost drowning etc. on the other hand I can't help but be bitter that the person who had been abused/mistreated their entire life and who was clearly suffering was the one who had to die. at the hands of his biological father, may I add. I’ve seen some people say JJ was annoying this season and I get where they’re coming from, but all of his impulsive decisions and everything that happened at/after the town meeting just made me sad. he was struggling so much that he didn’t care what happened to him or if he lived or died. all he wanted was a future where he could live with his friends in their own little paradise without a care in the world. with the money from the crown and shoupe’s promise, it seemed like he was so close to happiness and inner peace, but they didn’t let him have that. so yeah, I get why they did this, but that doesn’t make it less upsetting.
#yeah I know it’s not that deep and it’s fictional#I just wanted to put my two cents in ig#I know they all had issues with their parents#not one good parental figure in sight (except pope’s parents tbh)#but jj’s story hit me the hardest#I’ve seen some people say that he was suicidal in s4#and I remember thinking multiple times throughout the season that he was depressed or at least extemely sad/hurt by. well. everything#so that’s what I mean when I say he was struggling (did this even need explaining idk)#there's also something to be said about the “realism” of this show lmao#rafe holding that giant cross by himself? sarah resurrecting after a fatal shot wound? sarah and jj not drowning in that storm?#those are just a couple of examples of how unrealistic this show is#yes it's entertaining but I think we can all agree that a lot of the shit that happened on the show would never work out irl lmao#so I feel like if your show is that unrealistic you can actually afford to give everyone a happy ending#also I just think that it would’ve been nice for abuse survivors/people with mental health problems to see that life can get better#but that’s a whole other tangent#also do not get me started on the fact that rafe was the one to bury him#obx spoilers#outer banks spoilers#outer banks season 4#obx#outer banks#jj maybank#john b routledge#sarah cameron#kiara carrera#pope heyward#cleo anderson#abuse mention#laura yaps#I wrote this at night pls excuse any spelling/grammar mistakes I’m tired
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