#also tomorrow she turns 5 months old!

[kimingyuslover]

Breath in your love

Synopsis : What if Jeonghan wishes of turn back time come true?

Word count : 3,231

Pairing : yoon jeonghan x fem!reader

Genre : time traveler!au, angst, fluff, lovers to exes to lovers, second chance romance

Warnings & note : TEARS, she has a daughter named Seok kyung, single mom!reader, slight of dad!Jeonghan at the end, time traveler!Jeonghan, mentions of food, lots of mentions of Seok kyung, kinda simp!Jeonghan, mentions of pregnancy, this fic does not represent his character in real life!

a.n : back with another angst story.... literally tearing up rn lolololol

Life hasn't been easy for you, not even now, exhaustion evident on your face, you just want to go home and have a good rest on weekends like you always do.

Working under one of the big 3 companies was not easy, and you know it, yet you still work there and even achieve being their head of finance.

After you reach home, all your exhaustion goes through the window when you see your daughter waiting patiently with her nanny at your doorstep.

She's greeting you with a sweet smile plastered on her face with a piece of paper that she held proudly on her chest.

“Seok kyung!” You open your arms towards her. She reciprocates by running to you and wraps her tiny hands on your back.

“Did you be a good girl today? you're not causing a problem, are you?” she giggles between your questions and shakes her head no.

“I'm not mommy! Miss Jiwoo also said I'm good today and she gives me 5 stars!” She gave you her paper full of stars, you gasped at her answer, then smiled widely.

“really? My baby is so smart!” You take her inside while Seok kyung's nanny helps you by taking your bag and you mouth a ‘thank you’ to her as she smiles at you.

Having Seok kyung was not on your plan, at least until you found out that you're pregnant 5 years ago with her, and your pregnancy is seven weeks old.

When you first tell your boyfriend– now ex, Jeonghan, that you’re pregnant and you want to keep it, arguments start to happen.

He’s arguing that he's not yet ready to be a father and he doesn't want you to keep it, whereas you argue back that even though you're both not as ready as anyone else to be a parents, you still wants to keep it, you can learn together how to be a good parents, they done nothing wrong, so if you aborted them, wouldn't it be cruel?

Arguments keep happening since then, and it took you 3 days to finally break up with him, if he doesn't want the baby so be it, you're willing to give up on your 6 years relationship for your baby.

And now here you are, a single mother on the peak of your 30s with a daughter and a stable job that can give you more than enough money to live with your daughter.

There's so much purchase that you buy for your future, like a car, a house, maids, and even a nanny to take care of your daughter while you're working.

When you're on a business trip, though, you bring her with you because it makes you not worry too much about her.

“Sweetheart, mommy's having a business trip tomorrow. Do you want to come with me, or do you want to stay here with Uncle Joshua?” You asked Seok kyung after bathing with her and putting on clothes for both of you.

She makes the ‘think’ gesture first and answers you with excitement in her voice, “I want to go with mommy! Will we go with a plane again?” You lightly chuckles and stroke her hair softly.

“Yes, we will, baby. Let's pack up first, yeah?” She nods her head and runs towards your walk-in closet to take a big suitcase.

[ఇ ◝‿◜ ఇ]

Now you're in the first class lounge, waiting for your airplane to open the gate for boarding.

Seok kyung playing games on her Ipad while you were reviewing the proposal your team has been working on for over a month.

After a couple minutes of waiting, your gate has finally opened for boarding, and you usher Seok kyung to get up from the couch and walk to the boarding gate.

On the other hand, Jeonghan thinks he might be dreaming when he sees you with a little girl on his plane boarding gate, smiles attached to your and her face while walking hand-in-hand.

It's been years since he last saw you, the last time was when he fucked up your relationship, feeding only his ego then at the end all of his mistake was the cause of your break up.

His first serious relationship that he cherished the most comes to an end, and it was not in a good way.

Jeonghan knew he was the wrong one, and the only one who can be blamed for your ruined relationship, you've done nothing wrong, but in his eyes that time, you've done more than the wrong things he imagined.

There’s a hard pang he feels in his heart when he sees you. He spent almost every hour in a day stalking your social media, and he always wanted to be the one who you'll always mention in your post.

He felt the hurt in his heart more when he saw your posting almost 5 years ago. It's a picture of one pair of tiny feet on your hand, but for him, it's not only a picture of a baby feets, it's a photo of his daughter, the one he left when you're only seven weeks pregnant.

When he got your notification, he almost immediately checked on his phone when he saw you updating your life with Seok kyung (he learned that was her name when one of your friends mentioned it in the comment section).

All of your updates have always been successful to bring a smile to his face.

Jeonghan always wondered what his life would be if he shortly apologised after the first argument, would Seok kyung love him? Will he be a good dad? Will you get married and live a happy life for the rest of your life just like you both had planned when your relationship entered 3 years?

The questions are always running on his mind 24/7, wanting no more than to run to you, holding both your hand and Seok kyung on his, kneeling in front of you and muttering apologise after apologise until you forgive him.

But that seems to be an impossible act. Before he knew it, he had already gotten on the plane and sat on his seat.

When he turns around, his body freezes upon seeing you and Seok kyung on your seats, playing like there's nobody else in the world.

After what feels like an eternity, the plane finally takes off, Jeonghan’s hoping that he won't be fast asleep because he wants to see you and your daughter– or rather, the daughter of his and yours.

A few hours have passed, and you are both fast asleep on your seat. Jeonghan called the air hostess to allow him to switch seats, luckily for him, it's not a full flight so there's a few seats left, he chooses the one who he can get closer to you, wanting to observe your little family a little bit more.

He can see the little detail on her face, he can see the manifestation of your and his love, she got your lips and eyes, meanwhile her nose and hair seems to be more likely to his.

Suddenly, tears started to brimming in his eyes. Why can't he accept his fate? Why can’t he do what a good fiancé will do when their fiancée says that she's pregnant? Why can't he seem to never be good enough to enroll in your life again?

Tears fell down from his eyes down his chin, then dropped to his lap.

oh, how he wished he could turn back time.

[ఇ ◝‿◜ ఇ]

“baby? baby, you need to get up. Today is still thursday, and you have to get ready to work” Jeonghan can't believe what he's hearing, your sweet voice filling both of his ears.

Realising that it was, indeed, your voice, he immediately sat up from his sleep figure and started to look at you with disbelief prominent on his face.

He still didn't believe his eyes, and he went as far as holding your cheeks with his hands, and you gave him a puzzled look.

“Uh, baby? what's wrong?” You asked him while raising one of your eyebrows, puzzled by his unusual behavior.

Jeonghan said nothing and just pulled you on his chest. If this is a dream, he’s hoping he will never wake up and have to live his life with the same nightmare everyday.

“Just for your information, ten minutes has passed and it's now seven past five and you can always hug me again when you get home” You said with muffled voice, and there Jeonghan let go of you, to have a better look of your face, and then smiles which you reciprocated with the same.

“Okay then, I have to go shower even though I still want to cuddle with you, am i?” You nod at his words and get off the bed.

Jeonghan finally comes to his senses and gets off from the bed, heading towards the bathroom, a wide smile still attached to his face.

After he got out of the shower, his ironed work attire already sat on his bed. It's the daily activity you would do, preparing his work attire when he showers.

Jeonghan still remembers how you two would act like a married couple, like a husband and wife, even long before your engagement.

When he goes downstairs, he searches for you, and when he does get to see you, you're in your kitchen, cooking breakfast and preparing lunch for him.

He never eats in the office canteen because the lunch you made has already made his stomach full, and he makes sure to tell you everytime he gets home from work.

Jeonghan checks the dates and months on his phone, and when he opens it.

January 16th, 2021

30 days before you announce that you're pregnant, he hopes that he can be here forever so he can fix everything for both of you.

“Love? Eat your breakfast first, and here's your lunch” back in the day, Jeonghan never appreciated your dish like he should, he only said ‘thanks’ before eating it half and then got up and went to the basement of your Maisonette apartment.

Jeonghan eagerly sat on the dining table and started to dig into the breakfast that you made, which is kimchi fried rice with seaweed on the side.

You look at him confused because Jeonghan is usually not this enthusiastic with your dish, but of course, you're happy to see Jeonghan eating your dish like this.

When he's done, Jeonghan goes to the sink and washes his plate and eateries.

“The food is so good sweetheart, can't wait to eat my lunch that you packed for me. Thank you, angel” He said, then kissed the top of your head with love, and that made you let out giggles.

“You're welcome. You better get go on though, there's a little traffic on the way to your office when i opened the maps earlier”

And does he already mention that you're always checking the maps before him?

After bidding you a goodbye, Jeonghan closed the front door and went straight to the basement, ready for probably a long day at work.

In the modern day, Jeonghan is already the vice president of the marketing department, so it shouldn't be that hard now.

He knows you're working remotely, so he doesn't need to worry about you getting late to your office.

In a matter of hours, lunch and working hours have passed, it is now five past six, and Jeonghan hurriedly tidying his office desk to go home.

Unluckily for him, the traffic is worse than the previous one in the morning where he got one, which makes him get home 15 minutes late.

Now it's 5:45, and he made it home before it got dark, wanting no more than to throw himself on your hugs.

“I'm home!” he announces as he kicks his shoes and places them on the shoe racks.

His ears perked up when he heard your hurried footsteps, coming down from the second floor.

“Long traffic? I've seen the route from your office to here. You should probably go shower. What do you want for dinner? I’ll make it” you said as you practically ran after you got off the stairs to him.

Jeonghan smiled. He really missed your attention for the past years he’s not with you.

So he answers you with the meals you and him like, Kimchi stew and after that he brings your lips to his for a chaste kiss that makes you blush and slap his chest lightly and whine his name.

Jeonghan just chuckles lightly, and he runs towards your shared bedroom to have a shower.

Once he gets out of the shower, he rushes out to your dining rooms, excited for the Kimchi stew you make.

Until now, Jeonghan only likes the Kimchi stew made by his mom and yours because he found comfort in them. He already tried to like Kimchi stew from the restaurants, but it never beat yours nor his mother's.

He misses these moments, where you and he will eat together in your shared maisonette, eating with happy giggles always left on both your lips, and the satisfied feelings when he's eating your dishes again with you sitting on the opposite of his seat.

“I love the meal, angel. you're such a good cook, i know you're going to be a good mom someday” He knows you're a good mom, Seok kyung always looks so happy when she's with you.

His words make you blush, and you try to hide it by burying your face on your hands, Jeonghan laugh and get up from his seat to hug you from your back, “I mean it, you're good at cooking and will be a good mom to our kids” then he kisses the top of your head before getting your and his bowl to wash it.

[ఇ ◝‿◜ ఇ]

February 15th, 2021

1 day before your announcement, everything goes more than well. He just has to stick with his plan, and he hopes he can change his future with you.

Jeonghan sometimes sees you when you're throwing up in your bathroom and always asks if you want him to go to the pharmacy nearby, but you always shake your heads no.

He tried to build a happy relationship with you. He wants to treat you with the treatments you deserve. He wants to love you like he should before the downfall.

He wants Seok kyung to have a life like the other kids, having a mother and father figure.

Jeonghan was living his old life, like usual, going to work 9 to 5, going out with you every weekend, and telling you how much he loves you everytime he could.

He just got off from work. When you suddenly started to put distance between you, he furrowed his eyebrows, creating creases on his forehead.

He vividly remembers that this was not in his memory.

Did he do something wrong? Why are you putting distance towards him? Does his plan not work? Do you want to get off of him? His thoughts are running hundreds of miles per hour, thinking of the worst scenario in his head.

The next day comes fast. Last night, Jeonghan had already emailed his boss that he’s taking 2 weeks off and requested to do work from home because his fiancée is pregnant. His boss doesn't waste another single time as she reads it. She accepts Jeonghan's request.

Jeonghan’s nervous. Could he really change the future?

“Jeonghan,” There is it, your voice calling his name, it means you will have a serious conversation with him.

You look so afraid that you couldn't see him in the eyes, your eyes attached to the ground beneath you, Jeonghan can see that you're trembling, so initiated to take you by your shoulders and told you to sit in front of him.

“What's wrong, honey?” Jeonghan asks, worried plastered on his face.

“I'm pregnant with your child. It's seven weeks old” you said hurriedly while giving him the test, the ultrasounds, and the doctor's examination letter.

In the past timeline, Jeonghan already cuts you off when you said you're pregnant with his child, never letting you finish your words.

“I want to keep the baby” you said again while fiddling with your hands on your lap.

Jeonghan couldn't be happier than he is now, Seok kyung will recognize him as her father, not a stranger.

“Okay, keep the baby. We both know that we have a minimal knowledge to be parents, but we will learn together” Jeonghan answered you, with his tear-filled eyes he held your chin up, so your eyes were at the same level as him.

You looked at him in disbelief. Jeonghan can see your tears already spilling from your eyes, so he wipes your tears from your cheeks with his thumbs.

The distance between you both grows smaller, Jeonghan wastes no time to crush your lips together and give you a long, chaste kiss.

He pulled out first, giving you and him a room for air, “Thank you, baby, thank you” He connects your foreheads, smiling as he looks at you.

That night was spent with you on the held of Jeonghan's hand, sleeping after watching a few videos of how to be a good parent and early pregnancy care.

Jeonghan doesn't want anything other than this, having his life with you in it.

[ఇ ◝‿◜ ఇ]

Jeonghan eyes shoot open when he hears the sound of a film beside him. He remembers that he was sitting alone, wait–

when he turns his head to the right, there's a window, ‘no no no no no’ he thought to himself.

If he's in the present time, that means everything he sees, he feels, is it only his dream? but he dared to turn his head to the other side, wanting to see who was sat beside him.

He can't buy what he's seeing right now, Seok kyung is sat beside him while you're sat beside her.

Seok kyung looked at her side when she felt something was moving, “Mommy! daddy's already wake up!” her eyes light up when she speaks with you.

“Got a nice dream, huh? you passed out for like, 10 hours of our flight, we're landing in 30 minutes” you say with a teasing smile on your face, Jeonghan's confused, trying to regain his mind.

Then it clicks, he was not dreaming, he really changed his future, Seok kyung known him as her father, not a stranger.

When he sees his right hand, there's a wedding ring, so this is the ending he gets. He really gets his happy ending, with Seok kyung, and most importantly, you.

“Love, you're okay?” You ask with cautiousness, Jeonghan seems unusual after his 10 hours sleep.

He then answers you hurriedly, “yes, i'm fine, i'm just zoning out” Jeonghan answers, and in a split seconds, he pulls you both for a long hug.

You and Seok kyung chuckles when Jeonghan doesn't want to let both of you go, and when he did, he leaned in to kiss you on the lips.

This is resulting in his daughter whines ‘i want to be kissed too!’ That, of course, Jeonghan accomplished, giving his beloved kisses on her cheeks, forehead, and lips.

Jeonghan can finally live his life with goods waiting for him. He starts to forget his life before this trip, how he wanted to pray every single day to thank god.

He lives a happy life with you and Seok kyung. He will never let you go again.

His little family consisted of Yoon Jeonghan, Yoon Seok kyung, and Yoon Y/n.

[scar-lie]

DNA Pt. 2 {Scarlett}

Summary : Scarlett finally found out you're her daughter

Pairing : Mom! Scarlett Johansson x Daughter!Reader

Warning : curse word, bad memory, anxiety, cutting, blood

Word count : 2,029

NO one has permission to repost my work anywhere, if you see it please let me know.

DNA Pt. 1

Cherrylemontober

"Oh, that feels good,” Scarlett sighs in relief, relaxing every muscle when one of the employees decides to give her a massage after a long hour of working doing stunts, running, and just a never-ending shoot.

“Tired huh? "Scarlett chuckled when Alice—one of the workers on the project—commented, moving her hands from shoulder up to massage her head.

“Yeah, oh god, that's the spot... That's been aching for days now,” Scarlett whispered, closing her eyes, and Alice chuckled at her behavior and kept massaging her shoulders and head.

“Ok, what exactly are we doing? "RDJ asked, still confused while driving after he picked up Lizzie, and Hugh is on the way to look for you

“It's Y/N, and it's a long story; she just ran away in bad condition.” Lizzie bites her lower lips, worried about you, and RDJ is confused and worried too.

“Why? "He stops at the red light and faces Lizzie, who's been busy contacting you.

“It's... She found out who her biological mother is, and... and I don't know what's going on in her head; she just bolted out, and I’m worried.” Lizzie's hand keeps shaking, and her breathing is getting labored, so RDJ quickly took her phone and held her hand.

"Breath, Lizzie, breath; Y/N’s fine; she wouldn't so such thing.” Robert squeezed her hand, and the light turned green, and he proceeded to drive.

You took a deep breath, still gripping the steering wheel tight. You've been sitting in your car for about 20 minutes now, after your 4-hour drive from the city to the outskirts of another city.

You look at your left side, seeing a simple but big house, enough for 20 to 40 people to fit in, then you look back forward to see a path going forward for another house of your neighbor.

You close your eyes and take a deep breath, going out of the car and proceeding to walk to the door of your old house, then stopping at the door to knock three times.

“Mom? "You called out, but after a few minutes, no one is answering, so you assume that your mom went out to get some groceries or something.

So you lower down to get the spare key at the bottom of the third flowerpot, then open the door and come inside to see the place as clean as you expected.

The house was well maintained, no dust, no dirt, no trash, or anything unpleasant. The pictures scattered around the house, some hanging on the wall, some on top of the drawers.

It's all pictures of you, your mom and dad, and your lovely sister, whom you adore and love so much. This house brings so much memory that you can't help but shed a tear just by looking around and touching things.

From the picture of the four of you standing in the side drawer, past the entrance to the trophies, couches, and decorations laying around the house, that brings you to the kitchen when you four are usually having fun making dinner for Sunday night that is full of laughter before everyone goes to do what has to be done the next day.

It eventually leads you to the backyard, where you can see the city up there. Your father built a wooden fence around when your sister was 5 years old, and then he also built a big swing where your mom put comforters and pillows there after 3 months when you were adopted.

You love looking over the city from the backyard, and you always sneak out at night just so you can sit at the ground in awe and watch the city light shine with the stars.

“Here you are, Miss Troublemaker,” your father sat besides you after another night of you sneaking out of your room when they told you to sleep and bit you goodnight.

“You know, you should really sleep now; it's getting late; you still have school tomorrow,” your mom, sat on the other side of you, then pulled you to lean on her and kiss your forehead.

“Sorry again,” they chuckle, knowing you will be doing this again eventually.

“We know, sweetie,” you whisper, then stand up.

“I guess you both plan on staying here for a little while longer. Just go inside before you two get cold, ok? "After your father answers her, ‘Yes, dear, no need to worry. Mom gives us a warning look, then goes back inside.

That night you and your dad stay late at night, you listening to the stories of your dad on how he courts your mom. Your mom eventually goes out again to fetch you both back inside before you two catch a cold, and that being said, you two got a good scolding from her first thung at the morning.

"Idiots,” you chuckle at the memories, not knowing your tears, cunning down your tears.

You sigh, taking off your shoes, putting your bag, key, and phone down to the pavement of your backyard before you set foot on the soft grass and go to the swing to sit and lay back your back at the headboard of the swing and begin to hum the song your family loves.

“I miss you, Dad..I wish you were here,” you whisper, looking down, and you can't take the pain anymore. You sob there, curling to the ball and crying on your knees until you run out. Tears still keep dropping one tear after another, while quiet sobs keep coming out of your mouth.

Not knowing your mom is already home, standing right before your things on the pavement, happy and also sad seeing your shoulder shaking, without any doubt, your mom also took her shoes off and walked towards you.

"Sweetie,” your mom called. You quickly turn to the other way and wipe your tears, making yourself presentable as much as possible.

“What’s the problem? Honey? "Your mom sat down beside you, opening her arms for you to get in and lean on her.

“It's nothing; I just missed Dad, that's all.” Your mom didn't push you but offer a comfort that you know you can trust and lean on to her no matter what.

“Ok...just don't forget me and your sister is here, ok?”She kissed your forehead, cupping your cheeks, and made you look at her.

"Yes, Mom,” you quickly move to embrace the comfort your mom is giving you.

You’ve been out the whole day, not answering the phone calls or texting to anyone. Lizzie and the other were worried sick looking out for you.

It's 9 p.m. when you decide to head back home to your house in the city, and when you open the door, Scarlett is there, walking back and forth.

She's been worried for hours now. When the news reaches her, Lizzie doesn't have a choice but to contact Scar and ask her about the places where you could go, and that's when Scar knows that you run away.

“Y/N gosh, we were worried sick for you; where have you been?"Scarlett quickly enveloped you in her arms, but you quickly but gently got out of her

“I wanted to be alone. Please leave.” You open your front door, but Scarlett didn't move an inch.

“Y/N? "Scarlett whisper, she can read your expression and body language well, and she knows that you want space but not wanting to leave you all alone.

“What's the problem? "She tried to reach out, but you moved and opened the door more for her to get out.

“Leave me alone,” you said with so much hatred.

The more you look at her, the more your patience gets thin, and the more angry you are, you can't accept the fact that she's the person who gave birth to you and who threw you in that stupid orphanage.

And the more you hear her voice, the more your memory comes rushing back bit by bit, where you try to leave it to the back of your mind and you hate her for it.

“LEAVE NOW, DAMMIT! "You scream, not wanting to be near her anymore.

"Y/N, I'm here; you can tell me everything." Your blood boils, and you explode right there and then.

"You wanna know, huh? Ok...you wanna know how fucking bad of a mother you are, leaving your child to a shitty orphanage who makes them work and gives them a good beating when they didn't do things right or they didn't have money to give to the orphan keeper...and I fucking hate you for that." Scarlett's eyes were wide open, because her secret is out but also confused.

"How...how do you know about my daughter?" You quickly cut her off and pushed her a little.

"Cause that child you abandoned is me. You fucking left me with that monster. I have to survive in order to llive, and you... you're in your fucking mansion, drinking wine, having delicious meals,s, and living your best life while I try to survi." You push the DNA paper on her chest and clench your jaw..

So fucking leave before I drag you out of here." You drip the door handle to control yourself and not just grab her and get her out of here.

"I-I……ok,” Scarlett is speechless, and she has tears in her eyes. She wanted to explain, but she chose to leave with a heavy heart, not knowing what to do or how to approach you.

Once she's out, you quickly lock every door and window and head up to your room and lock yourself in the bathroom.

Your heart is beating loudly; you can hear it on your head; every beat brings back memories of how the paddle sounds when it hits your skin.

Every little noise coming outside sounds like how many times you and the other run away when you all hear the madam coming home.

Every scream, every cry, every shout, every pleading—you can hear it all like it's happening, and your chest starting to hurt—that makes you sit down and lean your back on the wall, clutching your chest.

You look around in hopes of distraction, but your eyes land on the razor blades you use this morning to shave.

Your mind says no, but your body has a different approach; it quickly grabs it, taking your shirt off and starting to cut your hips.

The blade kissing your tender skin, puncturing the flesh and drawing blood, and you sigh in relief, one cut after another; some are deep, some were superficial wounds. The only thing that makes you stop is when you look up at the mirror, seeing yourself.

“What have I done? ”You drop the blade;your eyes lock on the blood on your hips and hands.

“Oh god,” you shed tears over what you've done. You've been 6 years clean, and you promise your dad that you will stay clean before he dies.

And you curse yourself for doing this to yourself without thinking it, but it also makes you feel safe and alive at the same time.

You got interrupted when your phone rang and Lizzie's name flashed on your screen, so you cleared your throat and answered her call, knowing she's worried too.

*LIZZIE*

Hey-

Where have you been, huh? We’ve been going around thecity to look after you

Sorry that I worry you all. I go to Mom to clear my head

It's fine; just don't do it again, ok? Yeah

How are you? Are you okay?

Yeah, just shocked and sad and hurt. I'm fine, Liz.

I’m not convinced; I’m going there

You don't have to; I swear I’m fine, and I want to be alone.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I’m sure, just tell everyone, I’m fine and I’m sorry for making them worry.

They'll understand. Just call me when you need someone ok? I’ll be right there.

Yeah, thanks, Liz.

After saying your goodbye, you hung up and winced when you started to move to go to the

How to wash yourself, and it stings more when the water runs down to your wounds.

“I’ll be fine.” You keep chanting it until you're ready to sleep.

[disneyprincemuke]

i didn't tell you i was scared * fem!driver

perhaps carrying the burden of being the perfect eldest daughter after all these years have its disadvantages as well

pairings: fem!driver and her literal family

notes: don't even get me started on how fuckin long it took me to write this bro and also let's not talk about how bad this one is ok? thanks

(series masterlist) | (📂 2025: fall from grace)

(prev)

being back home has always brought about a sense of peace she hasn’t been able to replicate anywhere else. it’s just a different serenity when she’s back under the blankets of the bed she’d grown up in, surrounded by everything that reminded her of being young and innocent.

oh, how she misses the times when it felt like the world was in her hands. how naïve of her to think that if she worked hard, she’d get everything she wanted.

every single word of rejection slowly dug the trenches she’s managed to find herself in lately.

she’s so deep in that she doesn’t think there’s a way out.

she lies on her back, childhood stuffed animals burying her in the blanket. she bores holes in the roof of her room where her glow-in-the-dark stars stare right back at her.

she can almost hear the ghost of her 13-year-old self whining as oscar and logan prop themselves up on her bed to paste them on her ceiling, making fun of her for being too short to do it herself.

it used to be so simple.

there’s soft knock on the door followed bt the creaking of its hinges as it’s pushed open. a head pops in. “can we go to the store?”

“what?” she turns her head towards the door and furrows her eyebrows. “can’t you just take my car and go alone?”

dalton frowns, “is it such a crime to spend time with my very beautiful older sister?”

she raises an eyebrow. “you want me to pay, don’t you?”

“don’t make me sound so feral,” the young boy huffs with a roll of his eyes. “i haven’t seen you in months… come on, let’s do something together?”

“i don’t really…” she sighs as she meets her younger brother’s stare and hopeful smile. “alright, mate, just let me change out of my pyjamas.”

that’s how she finds herself at a convenience store at 2 in the morning, hands in the pockets of one of logan’s old jackets that he left in her parent’s house, slowly sauntering through aisles with a blank stare.

she’s been staring at a box of cereal for a couple of minutes, debating with herself if she should let herself indulge. but lately, it just doesn’t feel like she deserves nice things.

when dalton finds her, he’s got a basket full of snacks and drinks. he stops at the end of the aisle with a puzzled stare and tilts his head. “didn’t see anything you want?”

she smiles, “not really. and i’m supposed to be watching my diet — too much ice cream, noah said.”

which is just another blatant lie. she hasn’t touched a drop of ice cream since matt had packed his bags and left her apartment. she hasn’t even really been eating.

dalton hums, “i guess… let yourself have a cheat day, though.”

she sighs out a soft laugh and slings an arm over dalton’s shoulders. “maybe tomorrow. come on, let’s pay up before mama finds out i let you convince me to drive you out to the store in the middle of the night.”

she rests her head at the foot of her bed, nose-to-nose with kidnapper as he sleeps peacefully on one of her pillows.

“wish my life was as simple as yours,” she mutters, running her finger along the cat’s nose. “wish i could sleep all day and be adored like you, kid.”

she glances at her phone, lying peacefully on her side table next to the bed. it’s been going off with constant text messages for the past 5 minutes, most from logan and oscar asking about her parents’ anniversary party, and some from matt.

she can’t get herself to pick up the phone and answering feels like such a daunting task. she can’t find the right words to type out and send out as an acceptable response.

“hey,” the door opens and her mother’s head pops in, “busy?”

she lifts her head and smiles slightly. “what do you need me to do?”

“can you pick up the decorations from town? it’s pre-ordered, so you just gotta pick it up. then maybe could you bring home some dinner?” her mother flashes her a sheepish grin, obviously hoping that she would say yes.

“can’t you get dalton to pick it up? i’ll let him use my car if that’s what you’re worried about,” she offers with a small, unnoticeable scowl on her face. her plan for the entire day was to simply lie in her bedroom and do absolutely nothing.

her day simply isn’t complete unless she’s wallowed in self pity.

“he’s barely permitted to drive a car with an adult in the passenger seat,” her mother sighs. “come on, please? i’ll make you your favourite breakfast tomorrow.”

“really? it has to be me?”

“you’ve locked yourself in your room the 2 days you’ve been back,” her mother sighs again with the shake of her head. “i thought you came home early to help around.”

“i came back early to spend my break here. that doesn’t mean anything about helping around,” she complains, yet she’s scrambling to get herself off her bed. she knows better than to get into this sort of argument with her mother — it’s simply not going to be worth it. “but if it has to be me…”

she gets up and drops kidnapper off in dalton’s room. she changes out of her day-old pyjamas and heads to town where her mother had asked her to go.

all the while cursing under her breath about having so much to do on her supposed break. she’d only driven herself back ahead of her parents’ anniversary party to give herself a break from the fast-paced nature of london.

that and the refusal to go back to her apartment when it no longer felt like home.

but she does all that her mother asks of her anyway because her mother says so.

“you need to eat more, my love.” she watches her mother stand from her position on the dinner table and pick up a bowl of noodles. “you look like you haven’t been eating at all.”

“mama,” she tries to protest with a sigh, shaking her head as she tries to push away the bowl from her plate. “i’m not very hungry.”

her mother is insistent. she shakes her head with a soft huff, scooping out a bunch of noodles and putting it on the plate in front of her. “you need to eat more than you’re eating.”

she lets out an irritated sigh and turns to her father, sat next to her mother, for some sort of words to help her. but he just shrugs at her with an apologetic smile.

“i just want you to look like yourself again,” her mother sighs, pinching her cheek tenderly with a small smile. “you’ve had a tough year.”

she scoffs, dropping her head to toy with the noodles on her plate. of course, she uses her shit of a season to justify being an overbearing figure in her life. she would have been more tolerant of it — as she’s been her entire life — but it’s just not a good time for this behaviour right now.

“fine, whatever.”

she glances down the hallway for anyone who would catch her before she opens the door. she’s greeted by 2 beds and an empty room, but an overwhelming familiarity of friendship. a friendship that she’s strayed so far from that it barely makes sense for her to be standing in this bedroom.

on top of the dresser is a framed picture of her, oscar and logan at a karting track in the earlier days of their karting days together. she stands between the boys, oscar and logan leaning into her with their lips pressed against either side of her cheeks.

on the beds, she can see the 3 of them cuddled up together when she was 14 seeking help from the older boys with her homework.

if she thinks hard enough, she sees her 15-year-old self on oscar’s bed with the blankets pulled up to her chin with logan and oscar squeezing in the other bed in the room when she’s having trouble sleeping by herself.

in the far corner of the room, she can see herself at 16 curled up on the floor after her first boyfriend had broken up with her. and oscar walks in with a small scowl but 3 pints of ice cream for them to share while they try to distract her of the pain.

the room’s been cleaned and polished by her mother, preparing for oscar and logan’s return for their anniversary party this weekend.

she makes a sharp turn for the cabinet at the side of the room, pushing through hangers of jackets and sweaters hanging neatly, untouched for god knows how long. she sighs when a familiar red jacket comes into view.

“i told mama this is mine,” she grumbles under her breath, pulling the jacket out of the cabinet. it’s a ferrari jacket that oscar had gotten from his parents when he was younger, but since he’d outgrown it, she’d claimed it for herself.

“oh, there you are.”

she turns around, with a heavy heart and teary eyes, and comes face-to-face with her father. “hey.”

“i’ve been looking all over for you,” he sighs heavily, stepping into the room with caution. “i just wanted to check in on you after what happened during dinner. you know mama meant well.”

she grins with a slight nod. “yeah, i know.”

“and we’re just concerned for you.” he wraps an arm around her and rests his chin on top of her head. “after the year you’re having… we’re all concerned for you.”

“concerned?” she repeats under her breath, looking up at her father. “regarding what? i’m doing fine.”

“personally, i’m just concerned because you’re my princess,” he mumbles, giving her a squeeze. “and you know… i’m your father? i know if something’s wrong, but it’s okay if you don’t wanna talk about it yet.”

she lets out a heavy sigh, relaxing in his arms. she wraps her arms around him and nuzzles her face into his chest, “thanks for not making me talk about it.”

she throws her head back, trying to pull back the hand that’s clasped in dalton’s hands, yanking her towards the garage of the house.

“come on,” dalton mutters, “we’ll have so much fun! just like before!”

“dalton, i told you i didn’t feel like leaving the house today,” she whines, trying another attempt at pulling her hand back from him. “i have some things to settle with my finances and schedule… i’ve put that off for a couple days and kristen and noah need those by tonight.”

“i’m sure it can’t take that long,” dalton whines with a heavy sigh, tugging on her arm. “just a quick movie in at the theatre then a cup of ice cream?”

“dalton, come on, i said i don’t have the time for this!” she shrieks, yanking her arm back and stomping a foot on the ground. “i’ll pay for you to go with a couple of friends, but i can’t go with you. i have adult matters to handle before the week is over.”

dalton blinks at her, shocked at her sudden outburst. “i just wanted to spend time with you before you go off and not come home for months… i’m sorry.”

she opens her mouth to add to her previous statement, but seeing her younger brother with a frown on his face instantly felt like a pierce through her heart. “i– dalton,” she sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “i just have so much going on right now. maybe we can go a little later? i just need to finish a couple of things for my team.”

“it’s alright,” dalton sighs dejectedly, shaking his head. he walks past her to head for the stairs. “maybe next time when you’re not being a bitch anymore.”

“what the fuck,” she mutters with eyebrows furrowed, turning around with her gaze following his steps. “you did not just say that.”

“what?” dalton whirls around. “it’s true. you’ve been such a bitch since you came back. you lock yourself inside your room, you never wanna talk to me, you never wanna join me for snacks, it takes me extra effort just to convince you to come out of the house and do stuff with me… you changed, mate.”

she takes a deep breath. “of course, you don’t understand. you’re just a 16-year-old — you don’t fucking know anything.”

“i know my sister,” dalton scowls. he rolls his eyes and scoffs with a dry laugh. “sorry, i mean i used to know my eldest sister. nowadays, you just ignore my texts, never return my calls and never wanna hang out. you’re a flake, rocky.”

“and you’re just a fucking kid, why should i take anything you say seriously? what do you know about anything that’s outside of your stupid video games and secondary school?” she huffs. “and what do you know about what’s going on with me? that’s not fair.”

“i’m not talking to someone who’s not open to criticism.” he glances at her over his shoulder one more time before running up the stairs. “get a grip, mate.”

“hey, i heard you were back early.” the front door closing echoes in the house, ciara putting her backpack down next to the shoe rack.

the other girl sits on the couch, attention unwavering to the tv show she’s put on to watch. “yeah. hi.”

“i bought you dinner on my drive home from campus.” ciara skips over to the couch happily, leaning down on the back of the couch her older sister sits on. ciara turns her head to grin at her. “from the chinese restaurant. i got you some noodles and wanton.”

“oh, thank you.” she turns her head with a small grin and a soft eye, eyes stinging with every blink. “welcome home, ara.” she pulls ciara in for a short side hug and presses a kiss on her cheek. “how’s uni?”

“it was alright,” ciara shrugs. “join me for dinner?”

she hums, returning her attention to the tv screen. “maybe not; i’m still full from the lunch i had. but thank you for getting me dinner.”

“you’re home!” dalton appears at the top of the stairs with a big grin. “did you get me my fried rice?”

“of course!” ciara beams, beckoning him down towards the dining table. “help me set up the table. rocky’s still full from lunch. it’s just us, come on.”

dalton hops over to the kitchen with ciara, not sparing his eldest sister another stare. so she just turns off the tv and runs back to her bedroom.

“oh. i didn’t know it was such a sensitive topic,” her mother shrugs with a soft chuckle. “i was just curious because you said matt was going to be here for the party this weekend and suddenly he’s not.”

the girl shrugs, keeping her stare on the plate. “yeah, but i really don’t wanna talk about him right now.”

“come on, just concerned for your relationship.” she clenches her jaw, feeling a knot form in her throat as she lifts her eyes to meet her mother’s stare across the table. “did something happen?”

“no,” she lies with a small grin. “he’s just got some things to settle back in the states. he’s just busy.”

“or maybe he realised you were a bitch,” dalton mutters under his breath.

“dalton,” ciara warns through gritted teeth, hitting dalton on the shoulder very gently. “what the hell?”

“what? it’s true,” dalton mutters. “you know that more than i do.”

“that’s enough,” her father speaks up. “let’s just eat dinner, okay?”

“no, my love,” a whine comes from behind her, “you put it up wrongly.”

the girl on the top of the ladder looks over her shoulder and meets her mother’s judgemental stare and disappointed frown. “you literally told me to put it here, mama.”

“put it up higher, no– like– i’ll just do it.” her mother offers her a reassuring smile and beckons her to get down from her position.

“no, it’s so dangerous for you to be up here,” she mutters, attempting to readjust the wall decorations to her liking. “just tell me where to put it.”

“you’re,” her mother pauses, “not doing it right. just come down and let me do it.”

she huffs and drops her hands. “fine.”

she climbs down the ladder, folding her arms over her chest as she watches her mother replace her.

“see? isn’t that better.”

but she swears it’s exactly the way she’d put it up just a moment ago.

“is this what you’re going to do the entire time you’re here? just mope in your room with your cat?”

she lifts her head from her pillow and turns, resting her head again as she stares at her mother standing at the door. “is this really how you want to start the day?”

“it’s noon. the day started almost 3 hours ago.” her mother leans on the door frame of her bedroom. “you have to get up and do something. locking yourself up in here,” she pauses to look around the kiddish bedroom, “it won’t make you feel any better.”

“i just have a lot going on,” she mumbles, flipping herself to face the other side of the room. “i’ll come down in a while. i just need a couple minutes.”

“oh, my god, mama!” her voice echoes in the empty house, running down the steps with her mother following shortly behind her. “stop asking me about matt! i don’t want to talk about him right now!” she turns around at the bottom of the steps. “not with you; not with anyone!”

“i’m just trying to give him an answer, my love! he’s concerned for you. he said you haven't answered his messages all week,” her mother reprimands with her hands on her hips.

“that’s between matt and i and you have no say in this, sorry.” she raises her hands in the air to surrender before walking away. “it’s just none of your business.”

she’d just been relaxing in her room by herself when her mother came in trying to make conversation. she’d been receptive at first until she realised that she was trying to get her to talk about matt again.

which, she’s just not ready to open up about yet.

“it is if you’re acting this way! locking yourself in your room all day… fighting with dalton? don't even get me started on the way you can’t even clean up after yourself — you’re an adult now.”

“i’m an adult, yeah, so let me deal with my fucking problems however i see fit!” she laughs dryly and turns to face her mother again. “can i have some room to breathe? please? without everyone following closely behind me and staring at me like i’m pathetic?”

“we don’t think you’re pathetic!”

“i see the sorry in your eyes when you look at me! everyone seems to be looking at me that way lately!”

“my l–”

“just please leave me alone!”

so she gets in her car and drives away. she doesn’t know how long she drives for, tears in her eyes and chest heaving in sobs.

but she finds herself at the park nearby, one that she used to frequent with oscar and logan after school. she parks her car right by the roadside and forces herself onto the empty playground. she sits on the slide for hours until she feels slightly better.

she pushes the front door open with a heavy sigh. the sadness of pulling up in the driveway of her house worries her. it’s like the sadness seems to find a way to follow her everywhere.

everywhere she goes, it’s like there’s a dark cloud hanging above her head and she doesn’t know how to make it go away.

“where have you been?” ciara’s voice startles her, sending her a step back. “we’ve been worried sick for you after you left so abruptly before dinner! you weren’t even picking up your phone!”

“i just needed some time alone,” she says with a heavy sigh. she closes the door behind her and slips out of her shoes. “i was just at the playground i used to go to with logan and oscar. think i left my phone in my bedroom before i left and i went to grab dinner–”

“seriously? you’re not even sorry?” ciara screams, throwing her arms in the air. “we’ve been so worried sick for you since you walked out for no reason?”

she tilts her head. “no reason? mama has been grilling me about things i don’t want to talk about since i came back.”

“she’s concerned for you! we’re all concerned for you!”

“i didn’t ask for your concern! i’m asking you guys to leave me alone; give me some fucking room to breathe!”

“then why did you come all the way here just to lock yourself in your bedroom? if you want to be left alone, you should’ve just fucking stayed in london where you have an apartment where no one will fucking bother you!”

she huffs, hands on her hips. “fine. i’ll just go back. since it’s such a bother that i’m too sad to be here right now.” she stomps past her younger sister and up the stairs, heading right for her bedroom.

“don’t try and guilt trip me to feel sorry for you!” ciara chases after her. “it’s just not fair that you came all this way to be fighting with every single person in this household! just because blythe’s not here, doesn’t mean you’ll get away with this behaviour!”

“i’m not trying to guilt trip you,” she snarls, grabbing her bag from the ground and shoving her things, sprawled all over her room, into it. “but i’m sorry my feelings are such a burden to you guys. cause personally, i’m not having the best time.”

“if you’re not having the best time, don’t bring us down with you! it’s mama and papa’s anniversary! spend a little time not thinking of yourself for once!”

“i’ve spent my whole life not thinking of myself! you don’t know — you’re just a spoilt brat who got everything she wanted growing up! i actually had to work for the things i wanted.”

ciara scoffs, finally stepping into the room. “who gave you the right to act all high and mighty like you’re better than everyone? being the eldest kid doesn’t mean shit, genius.”

“well, what would you know about being the eldest kid? you never had to take care of anyone besides yourself; you never had to think of anyone but yourself.” she picks up kidnapper, sleeping on the foot of her bed and throws her bag over her shoulder. “just fuck off, ciara.”

“you’re not the only one with problems, you know,” ciara scoffs, folding her arms over her chest. “and what, you’re leaving? way to face your problems head-on.”

“i’m leaving because clearly i’m not wanted here,” the older girl sighs, pushing past the girl to her bedroom door. “so let me get out of your hair before my sadness becomes too contagious for your liking.”

“you’re leaving?” blythe says in shock, watching her older sister walk past her without another moment’s hesitation. “but i just got here. and isn’t the part tomorrow?”

“she’s throwing us the dramatics!” ciara announces with a loud laugh, running down the stairs to catch up with her older sister heading right for the front door. “she’s leaving because she can’t face the fact that she could be overreacting this one time!”

“overreacting?” blythe repeats, following both sisters down the stairs. “what are you guys even fighting about?”

“she left for hours with no contact!”

“i don’t even wanna stay long enough for you to paint me to be the villain,” the girl announces, pulling the front door open. “i’m leaving.”

taglist: @wcnorris @treehouse-mouse @laura-naruto-fan1998 @mindless-rock @vellicora @ironmaiden1313 @angsthology @cherry-piee @christianpulisic10 @elliegrey2803 @33-81 @darleneslane @nikfigueiredo @happy-nico @namgification @localwhoore @notawc @sadg3 @kazuha-pista-badam @mellowarcadefun @megatrilss1885 @peqch-pie @woozarts @meadhbhcavanagh @2bormaybenot @a-disturbing-self-reflection @mclarengf @xoscar03 @nomie-11 @green-thots @inejismywife @love4lando @louvrepool

[karineverse]

List of Palestinians that reached out to my dms

@lamahouranii11 https://gofund.me/cd29b3ea

"I'm Lama, I live in a tent after being displaced 3 times, this tent doesn't protect us from the cold of winter and we need winter clothes for us, our children and the elderly, everything in the market is expensive and we cannot afford to buy it, with the closure of the crossings.💔😭There is also no food in the market or flour, we are on the verge of famine in the south unfortunately and no one is moving for us and everything is 20 times its price, such as milk, diapers, food, flour and clothes, we cannot afford to provide any of these supplies for us and our children, help us and donate to us, you are our last hope and lifeline for us. 💔💔😞"

@hadeelsamir https://gofund.me/fdd492ab

"My tragic story with my family began with the beginning of the ground invasion in Khan Younis city when the Israeli army surprised the citizens living in Al-Mawasi, a safe place according to the Israeli army, early in the morning by shooting and shooting at anyone who moved. No matter what they were. My family and I were trapped in our beautiful home for 24 hours until we found a way and sneaked to safety so that they could survive for the first time. We left all our belongings behind us, we were only carrying some money and important papers, we could not sleep that night. The next morning, we bought a tent trying to make it look like a shelter."

@life-111 https://gofund.me/2cf9966e

"I am Ahmed Hammad, 26 years old, married, and I have a child that I had two months ago. I have lost many members of my family, including my father, brother, and sister, as a result of the war on my country, Gaza. I used to work as a cleaner at Shuhada al-Aqsa Hospital, where I was injured by the bombing two weeks ago. I can't support my family and my little child is malnourished. I now live with my wife, mother, and son in an unlivable tent. I can't work, I can't provide treatment for my sick mother, and I fear for my child's future. I want him to live a normal life.

Any help you can give will be appreciated as a beacon of hope in our darkness. The war has destroyed our lives, turning us from a happy family into homeless refugees. We need support to provide food, drink, clothes, as well as milk, diapers, and proper nutrition for our little boy. We desperately need help so that we can continue to face these daily challenges and survive. Every bit of support and help can save our lives and give us hope for a better tomorrow. I call on you all to stand in solidarity with us during this ordeal. Every small donation, no matter how little, will change our lives for the better. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support and help ♥️♥️♥️"

@eslamfa2 https://gofund.me/a2ccf744

"Eslam is a teacher and a young mother of 2; Hanaa (age 5) and Ana (age 1). Since last year, she and her family have been fighting to survive the siege on Ghazzah.She and her family lost their home to the bombings, displacing them all to a tent. The unhygienic conditions have caused both of Eslam's children to develop skin diseases."

@hanangaza https://gofund.me/3c368bc9

"Hanan, her husband, and their three young children are fighting to survive the genocide in Ghazzah. They endured the bombing of their home with themselves still inside, and afterwards were displaced to tent camps by the coast. Hanan's husband's clothing store, their main source of income, was destroyed as well during the bombardments.

They are now living every day without the most basic amenities of living; their tent doesn't even protect them from the weather."

[xagave]

Absolutely, get ready for BABIES. The oldest foster we have right now is Lazarus who we got when he was 3 months old from a hoarding case. He had an extremely bad case of herpes that almost killed him and it turns out he has a really bad immune system so he's always getting sick. He's about 8 months old now and he's sort of a long term foster because he currently has FIP and treatment requires one shot every day for 80 days minimum. The meds are a bit expensive so shameless plug but if anyone wants to help us pay for the meds my wife's ko-fi is here

Here he is the day we brought Lazarus home ^

And here he is now! His FIP treatment is going very well so far ^ Our second oldest are Penny and Kazoo. We got Penny when she was 5 weeks old from a guy whose dog brought her home in his mouth (she was fine the dog was gentle.) We got Kazoo when he was 10 days old from some dudes in the next town over who didn't have time to bottlefeed a newborn. Kazoo is 2 weeks older than Penny and they became best friends!!

10 day old Kazoo and 5 week old Penny ^

Kazoo and Penny now ^

Kazoo and Penny at an adoption event ^ We're having a hard time finding them a home because we refuse to split up bonded pairs

Penny playing in the tub lol ^ Next are a batch of kittens we got from an irresponsible breeder who was fine with letting kittens get sick and starve to death. We originally only got 2 of them when they were 3 days old (breeder let mom cat get sick and die because she didn't want to pay for vet care and tried to pawn the babies off on the other nursing moms and it didn't work out) and they were born premature so they had a lot of health problems. They had rhinovirus and coccidia and the little brown kitten had an umbilical hernia that then became septic and THEN she started getting big pockets of infection in random places like under her chin and in her toes? But we managed to get them healthy and fat and thriving. My wife was able to convince the breeder to give us the remaining kittens 3 days ago and they're half the size of our first two because they've been sick and slowly starving this entire time (they're now 5 weeks old). They're still really sick and have Poop Liquid Until You Die disease so it's not fun on our end but we're working hard on getting them fat and healthy. They don't really have official names but we've been calling them Zoosmell Pooplord, Insufferable Prick, Flighty Broad, Farmstink Butlass, and Huss lol

The first two nuggets ^

They were sooooooo small ^

Finally fat and healthy at 3 weeks old! ^

The full litter now at 5 and a half weeks old ^

Comparison pic ^. Right kitten is the nugget we've had since he was 3 days old and left kitten is his brother who the breeder just now let us take. It's hard to tell with the fluff but he's borderline skeletal :( Next is a 3 month old kitten that a foster brought to an adoption event who was very clearly sick. Skinny and lethargic with a bad coccidia infection so we took him home that day 1.5 weeks ago and also sent the foster person home with some medicine to fix the coccidia in their other kittens. We've been calling him Christmas Tree Boy cause he's always got a poofy tail or Poop Boy because he hates sharing litter boxes and keeps pooping in random corners 😒 Didn't take long to get him healthy so this weekend he's getting yeeted into another adoption event and whoever adopts him needs to give special attention to his Litter Box Needs

^ He's very cute and loves playing with our other fosters but for the love of god we are TIRED of his Poop Surprises Someone who adopted a bonded trio from us a few months ago is returning them to us tomorrow because their fiance is allergic, so as of tomorrow we will have 12 fosters in our house. Sounds like a lot but we've had 30+ foster kittens crammed in here at the same time so it's a breath of fresh air in comparison💀

Edit: Not a foster kitten but honorable mention to my new betta who I named Gemini because You Know Why

He has a 5 gallon tank all to himself but I don't have a pic of him in it cause he's shy and he hides lol but it's the one behind the cup. Aiming to give him live plants soon

[abilouwrites]

HOW YOU GET THE GIRL

Mat Barzal x fem!oc

Series Masterlist

ONE

I only like the bookstore during the night, when it’s slow and nobody’s around. The lights are flickering and the town suddenly goes quiet in contrast with the bustle of the busy mornings and heavy traffic of the day.

I only work here on the weekends for the closing shifts or the opening ones. Something to make a little more money to fall back on besides my adult corporate job. My parents are proud, more my father than my mother that I’ve begun my climb up the corporate ladder.

I don’t hate my job, far from it. Simply the long hours and bossy bosses that make me pull at my fingers and tug at my hair. Especially with my youth and admitted naivety, those at my job can be wary about me either in the break room or being hesitant to invite me out for drinks.

I’ve been told by my therapist that I rushed my childhood, skipping grades and taking collage classes while also taking highschool classes at the same time. I want to fight her on it, claim that I did have a childhood and had dreams but I know that I’m defending something I never had.

Two parents who were always fighting; hated eachother but swore to stay together because of their vows, “Hey Bella” I smile at the older lady standing at the counter as I tuck behind into the back room and set my purse onto the table and wrapping my apron around my body, “slow day?” I ask as I switch from heels to converse.

“Yeah, it’s the middle of the school season so all the kidlets are probably studying” she sighs out rubbing her tired eyes, “ok, I’m off. Be safe. Please” she reminds me as she pats my shoulder, “I’ll need you to come in a bit earlier tomorrow for the opening shift, we’re getting a new shipment of books for the month”

“Uhh, yeah yeah I can do that, so 5:30 instead of six?” I clarify, as I clock myself in on the timetable next to the register.

“Yes, thank you Emma. You’re a doll” She smiles and blows me a kiss exiting the building as the cold wind brushes against her; gently pulling at the greying blonde hair that’s always been tucked into a a little bun.

I turn on some music to keep my mind from straying as I walk around the store. Gently brushing my fingers against the creased spines and occasional leather covered book. Those nice collectors editions are always Romeo and Juliet, or Hamlet.

Personally I’ve thought Romeo and Juliet a bit childish and immature, but I’ve always been told I’m looking at it from a modern perspective. I believe that Romeo and Juliet is the way to not fall in love.

But then again, that’s coming from the girl who watched her parents try and fix an already broken marriage by having an abundance of kids and forcing themselves to stay together even though, everyone’s known they’d be better apart. Even their own kids.

I tidy up the reading corner, setting the old book. Princess and the pea back onto the shelf and searching for the one tomorrow.

My my fingers pull and push against the covers of the kids books, looking for something different. I don’t pay attention when the bell jingles and jangles while I hear a heavy step quickly become softer. I hear them physically relax as they walk the isles.

I eventually decide on a book with a unicorn and a blonde girl. Something I fondly remember of my own childhood.

I stretch up a little and let my hair down from its clip, it falls unevenly against my shoulders but I don’t mind or even care that much. This bookstore is my happy place; where I am safe and content within my own body. Here I will never care what I look like.

I view the man searching in the fiction section, something specific I can tell by his body language. If he needs help I’ll allow him to ask; yet I’m wary of going up to a man and guiding him to the book.

When he finally notices me watching him he turns around and asks, “do you know where I can find ‘The road’ it’s uh. Geez by I think by Cormac McCarthy?” He stumbles out; slowly dragging a hand across his face and brushing his shaggy brown hair out of his eyes.

His face is soft but sharp; his eyes evoke a warm bubbly feeling inside me. Eyes that make me feel comfortable being alone with him, “yes, I believe we only have a few left” I tell him, walking off to a different section of the store, “I know, our shop is set up weird” I explain.

“And why’s that?” He inquires, his pace isnt rushed or faster than mine. But relaxed and nonchalant. As if he has all the time in the world.

“The original owners, she has a special section called ‘Meine Leibe’ which I think translates to ‘My loves’ or ‘my life’ once she passed her daughter kept it the same so this little section would always be here for her. I find it endearing” I know I ramble on a bit but I’ve suddenly grown afraid of having a silence against the two of us

“It is, it’s just a little place with all her favorite books?” He keeps asking, as I turn into the cozy little corner. I thumb through the alphabetical order.

“Yeah, her favorite chair, pillows. Shannon was such a kind lady” I reminisce, “here is The Road, is there anything else I can help you with? Or will that be all for today?”

“Uhh, ha unless you have ‘The deal’ by Elle Kennedy then I’ll take that too” I think he’s being sarcastic but I can’t really tell.

“I think we do, are you a hockey fan?” I ask walking to the romance section.

“I guess you could say that, do you watch?” He asks, “do you need a hand?”

“I watch a bit, just the New Jersey Devils with my dad. Yeah it’s just above there” I point, even on my tip toes the store has ceiling high bookshelves. And because it’s night the ladders been locked up. I move to the side as he grabs the book.

“Are you from Jersey?”

“Yeah, I lived there before I came to New York for a work deal”

“I’m going to assume it’s not this job.. right?” As he makes his way to the register and I slink behind the counter

“Yeah, my uh big girl job as my mom likes to address it as” I hear the roll in my eyes as I scan the bar codes and ring him up, “will that be with cash or card?”

“Card” He pulls his wallet out of the front pocket of his jacket, “thank you”, he checks for my name eyes staring just above but also at my chest.

I poke my eyebrows up at him praying to god this man isn’t looking at my tits directly; not even with the slightest bit of discretion.

“I’m uh looking for your name to thank you— I swear I’m not looking at your uh. You know boobs” he almost whispers out the last bit before continuing, “not that they aren’t nice or anything but uh” the tips of his ears turn pink and his cheeks suddenly become flushed, “I will just pay now” he groans out softly; handing me his card and rubbing his eyes with his hands.

I ring him up and he puts his pin in, “thank you again, you never told me your name” he questions for that piece of information

“Emma”

“Thank you Emma, have a good evening” he purses his lips and grabs his books. Hands shaking as he smiles and starts to leave.

“You too, wait” I lean over the bar slightly, “you never told me your name?”

“Mat”

“Alright then, have a good evening Mat. Come back soon”

The door jingles as he leaves and I watch him through the window, I see him sigh and smack his books against his head. Though I don’t exactly hear what he says; noises muffled through the glass and the music.

“Huh. What a strange guy”

[diaper-your-brat]

14 - Getting her used to being spanked.

Jason was convinced from the get-go of their relationship, that his girlfriend, Amy, would be better off with firm rules, a thick diaper, and a regularly-spanked bottom.

But how to convince her of that? He knew that if he'd even subtly suggested the topic, the fiery 24 year old, feminist college graduate would just start screaming and hollering at him.

So he took a more long-term approach:

even in the early days of their relationship, whenever they were at his place together, he'd make a point of giving her a slap on the ass multiple times a day.

"Babe, can you head over to the kitchen and bring me a beer? *smack*" "Jasooon, stop doing that!!" "Can't help it babe, your butt is just too nice. Now, about that beer... *smack*"

"Bye sweetie, have fun at work. Can't wait to see that ass of yours bounce in bed later tonight. *smack*"

Sometimes, Amy would complain, but he'd just laugh and give her a second spank on her bottom, which was usually clad in tight jeans.

Soon after, he'd do the same in public: no matter if they were out with his friend group or hers, or just casually taking a stroll through the streets: not a day would go by where he wouldn't give her a loud, sharp smack on her bottom. "Have you guys seen how nice her ass looks tonight? *smack*"The others would just chuckle or change the topic, but Amy felt objectified and somewhat humiliated. However, she couldn't deny that it turned her on more and more. And she knew that if she'd complain, she'd just get another one.

Of course Jason also spanked her ass liberally in the bedroom. Preferably, he'd take her doggy style, and spend several minutes reddening her bottom. She was deeply turned on and called it "the best sex of her life".

All of those things were just preparation though: he moved to the next phase when they were sitting on the couch together, having just the mildest arguments about their plans for the weekend.

"We'll have to clean up the house today so we can head out tomorrow. Stop being a brat and let's get going" "Yeah? Or what?" That was all he was waiting for. He swiftly dragged her over his knee and gave her four sharp smacks, two on each cheek. He made a point of not being too intensive or hard - it was still playful enough. "Or *smack* I will *smack* do this *smack* to your little bottom *smack*" "That's what happens to bad little girls. Now are you ready to get going?" he chuckled and gave her a soft kiss on her head. "Ouch! Damn it, alright, alright"

As you can see, her first spanking was as mild and playful as you can possibly imagine. But from now on, these short little spanking sessions would become a regular part of their routine. "If you're not done getting dressed in 5 minutes, you're going over my knee again" he'd say when they were getting ready for a fancy event. "Better be on your best behaviour when you get home tonight, or you'll go to bed with a bright red bottom" he'd text her while she was finishing work.

It was all deeply against everything she stood for - but gosh, was it turning her on.

Jason was happy, too: in just a few months, he'd turned his fiercely feminist girlfriend into a brat who'd submit to a spanking, even for minor infractions. She didn't know it yet, but soon, spankings would be the most lenient form of punishment that she'd get. But the story of her first diapering, that's one for another day...

(Picture generated with Stable Diffusion, text written by me. Everyone depicted is 18+ and consenting, and no real people are depicted on any of my posts.)

[zahri-melitor]

Next up time for more intense angst in the Potted Fanon Histories with Robin III, TIM DRAKE:

Tim, newborn: His parents bring him home from the hospital to the family mansion in Bristol, Drake Manor. They are millionaires.

Tim, 3: Was at Haly’s Circus. Saw the Graysons die.

Tim, 8-9: Realises that Dick Grayson is Robin after seeing him do a quadruple flip on the news. Becomes immediately obsessed with Batman & Robin. Starts sneaking out at night with a camera to take photos.

Tim, 8-9: Jack and Janet Drake decide that their child is just so mature and competent that really, they’re too busy with their work running a multimillion dollar medical company as internationally renown archaeologists. Tim is now left at home in Drake Manor, with a housekeeper and/or nanny.

Tim, 10-13: shortly after Tim gets into his new hobby of midnight roof vigilante photography, Jason becomes Robin. Tim is now obsessed with this new younger Robin who cares so much for children.

Tim, 10-13: attends Gotham Academy. His parents return home at irregular intervals for a few days without warning. They repeatedly encourage him to network with other children at school for Business Purposes. At some stage they decide he no longer needs adult supervision at home, as he’s just So Responsible. Mrs Mac now drops in for a couple of hours per week to do the vacuuming and cook.

Tim and his parents: Janet is an Ice Queen and Jack is abusive. Tim is unaware that this is not normal. He is being raised as a Business Baby. He is expected to skip grades at school and be working 2-3 years above his age cohort.

Tim, 11-13 (yes we’re sticking with a wide range here): Tim finds out Jason is dead when Bruce announces it in the paper. During his nights out he notices Bruce is getting more violent. Tim goes to find Dick in Bludhaven to tell him that Bruce is too violent! Dick shrugs him off so Tim is determined – he goes to Bruce and tell him that there must be a Robin and insists it is him.

Tim, 13-14: is a smol sad bean. He is now Robin and Bruce is less violent but he’ll never be a Robin like his hero ~*~Jason Todd~*~. Bruce accidentally calls him Jason and looks at the memorial case all the time. Tim knows he’s not really part of the family but he’s doing his best as Robin.

Tim, 13-14: Tim goes on a trip to Paris where he encounters assassins. No further details.

Tim, 13-14: Dick starts dropping by the Manor and Gotham every second weekend to patrol with Tim as Robin, because he’s so guilty about Not Spending Enough Time With Jason. They become close, like brothers.

Tim, 13-14: Tim encounters Steph as Spoiler when she hits him on the head with a brick. They immediately start dating.

Tim’s Parental Free Square: Janet and Jack are both alive and well and neglect Tim. They have not realised he is Robin as they’ve been home for 6 weeks total in the last 5 years.

Tim’s Alternate Parental Free Square: at an unspecified time Janet died. Jack went into a coma. Since then, Tim has been living at Wayne Manor in a spare room. One day, Jack might wake up, but it’s been months or years now.

Tim, 14: Tim forms Young Justice with his best friends Kon, Bart, Cassie and Cissie. They hang out together and play baseball in space! (the only plot that happens here)

Tim, 14-15: Tim and the rest of Young Justice (minus Cissie) become Teen Titans. No reason why, they’re just old enough now. (The only plot that happens here is Titans of Tomorrow where they meet their evil adult selves)

Alternate Robin Tim plot: Joker Junior! Due to either Reverse Robins or just a desire for whump, Tim is captured by Joker and tortured till insanity. He becomes Joker Junior.

Tim, 14-15: there’s a new villain in Gotham haunting the streets, Red Hood. Bruce is now obsessed with him and has no time to pay any attention to Tim. He has told Tim not to patrol. Dick is also worried. Tim, forbidden from going out in Gotham, goes to hang out at Titans Tower (location unspecified). Jason turns up and beats Tim up with his own bo staff and may slit Tim’s throat. Alternately, Tim sneaks out in Gotham anyway and encounters Red Hood on another occasions where he gets his throat slit. This is a major injury that scars badly.

Tim, 16: His parents die. His best friend, Kon, dies. His girlfriend Steph dies. Tim is very distraught by this and refuses to let Bruce adopt him, inventing a Fake Uncle. He tries to clone Kon 99 times in a basement.

Tim, 17: gets adopted. He meets Damian and Damian immediately tries to deliberately murder him. Several times. 

Tim, 17: Bruce dies. Tim is convinced he is not dead. If Battle for the Cowl happens, Jason tries to kill him with a batarang. Once Dick is Batman, Tim and Dick fight over whether Bruce is dead. Dick says Tim is crazy and should be in Arkham. He then tells Tim that Damian is now Robin. Tim, furious, drops out of school and runs away and becomes Red Robin.

Tim, 17: Tim is captured by Ra’s Al Ghul. He loses his spleen. He gets away by blowing up ALL the League bases and hundreds of people die. He then returns to Gotham and falls out of a tower due to Ra’s Al Ghul. Dick catches him. The spleen loss is a secret.

Tim, 17: Tim gets emancipated and is no longer legally a family member because that’s how emancipation works. He now runs Wayne Enterprises as CEO. Everyone is impressed how good at it he is and how hard he works. 

Tim, 17: Tim is still mad about what Dick said to him. Damian again attempts to murder Tim, this time by dropping a billboard on his head and when that doesn’t work, by cutting his line. Dick takes Damian’s side, and explains Tim can’t be Robin anymore because Damian just needs it so much more and look how well he’s doing!

Tim, 17: Bruce returns due to Tim’s research but he’s now mad at Tim because Tim tried to kill Captain Boomerang (who killed his parents). 

Tim, 17: (optional angst) the Daughter of Acheron tries to rape Tim and Cass saves him. This provides angst. Cass is the only person who knows or cares. 

Tim, 17: Jason apologises for trying to kill Tim multiple times and blames it on pit rage. Tim accepts this as a good explanation and becomes Best Brothers with Jason as he has apologised.

Tim, 17: Tim’s no longer part of the family and it gives him ANGST. He’s just so sad. Also he just can’t trust Dick any more and their brotherhood is Eternally Destroyed. He’s just a Coworker.

Tim, currently: Tim comes out as bi and starts dating an old classmate, Bernard. They live on a boat. Bernard was in a paincult for a while. Tim is Robin. 

Alternate Tim, currently 17: Tim is living in an apartment and running Wayne Enterprises. He does not live at Manor but he has a bedroom there. This is an argument between him and Bruce. There is still tension between Tim and Dick that they are both sad about, but Tim is cool with Jason. Tim has either forgiven Damian or they fight constantly every time they’re near each other. Tim is Red Robin.

Tim, currently: is in a relationship with Bernard, Kon or Steph, pick one. If Tim is in a relationship with Kon, Bruce vaguely disapproves and says “no metas in Gotham” a lot. 

[gotham-ruaidh]

Little Bit Better Than I Used To Be

Catch up: Chapter 1 (Starry Eyes) || Chapter 2 (Save Our Souls) || Chapter 3 (Dancing On Glass)|| Chapter 4 (Merry-Go-Round)|| Backstage (1) || Backstage (2) || Chapter 5 (Danger)|| Backstage (3) || Chapter 6A (Love Walked In) || Chapter 6B (Without You) || Backstage (4) || Chapter 7 (Stick To Your Guns) || Chapter 8 (Time For Change) || Backstage (5) || Chapter 9 (Take Me To The Top) || Backstage (6) || Chapter 10 (Home Sweet Home) || Backstage (7) || Chapter 11a (Nightrain) || Chapter 11b (Nothing Else Matters) || Chapter 12a (Handle With Care) || Chapter 12b (I’m So Tired of Being Lonely) || Chapter 13a (Angel) || Chapter 13b (She’s My Addiction) || Chapter 13c (Patience) Chapter 14a (Where Do We Go Now?) || Chapter 14b (Where Do We Go Now?) || Chapter 14c (Where Do We Go Now?) ||| Also posted at AO3

Chapter 15A: Dreams

Wilmington, North Carolina

Labor Day Weekend, 1988

I'm hung up on dreams I'll never see Help me baby, or this will surely be the end of me…

 - Dreams, The Allman Brothers Band (1969) [click here to listen]

“I’ll be upstairs in just a few minutes. Did you finish your reading?”

Ten-year-old William MacKenzie shook his head. “I was going to, but that’s when Daddy arrived with Jamie and Claire – I mean, Mr. and Mrs. Fraser. And then it was time for dinner, and then - ”

Gillian Duncan MacKenzie bent to kiss her son’s forehead. “All right then. Why don’t you get yourself all caught up?”

William’s eyes darted over to Claire, seated across from his mother at the kitchen table, sipping sweet tea.

“Jamie and I will be here all weekend,” she smiled. “You’ll have plenty of time to talk with him about music tomorrow.”

His face brightened. “OK! See you in the morning!”

Claire couldn’t help but smile as William darted out of the room, footsteps quickly thudding on the stairs.

Gillian turned to face her guest. “He’s so excited. It’s not every day that a bona fide rock star is here in sleepy Wilmington.”

“Thank you for asking him to not tell his friends at school. I’m used to the attention now – ”

Gillian raised an eyebrow skeptically. “Are you?”

Claire shrugged. “Well – no. I don’t know if I ever will be. But one thing that won’t change is how much we value our privacy. So – thank you.”

“Of course, Claire. Privacy and discretion are what I do professionally – how could I not extend the same courtesy to you, when you’re a guest in my home?”

“Still. Thank you.”

A beat. Claire sipped the sweet tea Gillian had made – the same recipe she’d grown to love, those months at The Ridge. Gillian gently pulled Claire’s left hand across the table, studying her rings.

“You said this was his grandmother’s engagement ring?”

Claire nodded. “He inherited it when she died. His sister Jenny kept it for him, until he asked her for it. Called her the day he got home from The Ridge, and went to see her the next day. He gave it to me a few weeks later.”

“A man who knows what he wants.”

Claire smiled. “And I’m a woman who knows what she wants.”

Gillian returned the smile, then focused on the wide band next to the engagement ring.

“I love how solid and simple your ring is. Silver?”

“Platinum. His is the same. Wide enough for an inscription on the inside.”

“I do,” she had whispered. Smiling through the tears. Thinking he looked just a bit ridiculous in his suit. Sliding the band inscribed “Forever My Love” across his knuckle.

“I do,” he had whispered. Eyes burning, full of awe. Agape at the simple gray dress she had chosen, his mother’s pearls around her throat. Sliding the band inscribed “Forever My Heart” onto her finger.

“I am so pleased to…” Professor Quentin Lambert Beauchamp loudly blew his nose into a polka-dotted handkerchief. “Excuse me. I am so pleased to pronounce you husband and wife. Jamie, you may kiss your bride.”

He did. To the applause of the ten dear friends gathered in Joe and Gail Abernathy’s Boston backyard.

“That’s beautiful.” Gillian lay her own left hand on the table, adorned only by a thin gold ring. “Dougal never gave me an engagement ring, and he insisted I have the gold band for our marriage. His is silver. He had just sunk all of his money into building The Ridge, and we couldn’t even afford flowers at the reception.”

“That’s beautiful, too, Gillian. And I understand why you wouldn’t want to upgrade. Because what you have now, is that much more meaningful.”

“I was sitting here, when Joe and Gail staged the intervention.” Jamie looked over at his wife – his wife!! – gazing up into the arbor behind the house. “The vines were heavy with grapes. I remember thinking, how appropriate that I’m looking at what could be wine.”

He pulled her closer against his side, and kissed the top of her head. Careful of the tortoiseshell combs that Jenny had so lovingly placed in Claire’s hair as she got ready this afternoon.

“Ian confronted me in a hotel room in…Sacramento, I think. I had been so wasted on stage the night before, slurring through half the songs. Jenny had come to see Ian, and she was so scared for me. She had already done the research, made a few phone calls. I puked the whole flight across country to North Carolina.”

“It’s always the ones we love who we hurt the most,” she murmured.

“I’m never going to hurt you, Claire. You know that, right?”

She turned to face her husband – her husband!! – and smiled. Reassuring.

“I do. And you know I’m never going to hurt you, Jamie. Right?”

He nodded. Couldn’t help but kiss her.

“Ah!”

Dougal MacKenzie and Alec MacMahon turned the corner, and cheered. “Here you are! Come on – don’t let us have all the fun without you. Can’t miss your own wedding reception!”

Gillian nodded. “I don’t need it. I have the life we’ve built together, and our son, and a man who somehow thinks the sun rises and sets with me. I’ll never understand it.”

Claire swallowed.

Of course Gillian noticed.

“Don’t ever doubt how much he loves you, Claire. I’ve seen you two together – you’re so natural with each other. That’s never going to change.”

She clenched her hand into a fist. Centering herself.

“It’s…it’s just so…intense, with him,” she whispered.

“We don’t have to tonight, Jamie. We have forever, now.”

His hands shook as his thumb softly, softly traced down her neck, across the pearls, and settled into the cleft between her breasts.

“I want to, Claire. I want you so much I can scarcely breathe. I just…”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Gillian asked gently. “I can be your therapist, or I can be your friend. But I will listen.”

Claire took a deep, calming breath. “Being on tour – I see now how he developed the addictions. Every aspect of it is so stressful. He feels so much pressure to lead his band, to write music, to live up to the fans’ expectations. And he has to deal with the label and the tour manager and the production guys, and do media, and somehow find time to eat and shower and sleep on top of all of that.” Her thumb twisted her wedding ring. “He’d use the drugs to come up, and the alcohol to come down. And the women to just forget about everything for a while.”

“Are those groupies?”

Colum had organized a small gathering for the band and crew to celebrate the first show of the acoustic tour. No alcohol or drugs in the room – though Claire quickly learned that the rules by no means extended to hallways and bathrooms and storage rooms at the venue.

Jamie squeezed her hand, standing side by side in the corner, both of them holding a can of Tab.

“Yeah. I can ask them to leave, if you’re feeling uncomfortable.”

“No need.” She dropped his hand and quietly approached the four women giggling on the other side of the room.

“Ladies. I’m Claire Beauchamp. I’m with him.”

She turned slightly, looked at Jamie over her shoulder, and then turned back to her audience.

“So?” A girl wearing a strategically ripped Def Leppard t-shirt popped her gum. “That’s not what I heard about the last time he was here.”

Claire’s eyes narrowed. “That was then. This is now. I will say this only one time. If you even think about flashing a boob, or smiling at him, or trying to get him alone? I will end you.”

The girls gaped.

“Tell all your friends here in Albuquerque, please. Are we clear?”

“And now, that you’re there with him?”

Claire smiled. “He’s eating and sleeping a lot better. Has a lot more energy. He so desperately wants to do everything right. And I’m not going to lie, Gillian – seeing him perform the songs he wrote for me at The Ridge, and then being there when he comes off stage, all keyed up from singing and playing the guitar…”

“It sounds like in many respects he’s replaced his additions with you.”

Claire looked up, meeting Gillian’ gaze. “Of course he has. The album and lead single will be called She’s My Addiction. Doesn’t get any more obvious than that.”

“And how do you feel about that, Claire?”

She lay her hands flat on the table. “I’ve never felt more…loved, and cherished, than when I’m with Jamie.”

She frowned and opened her eyes when he stopped brushing her hair, one morning in Minneapolis.

“What – ”

The pads of his fingers swept the left side of her neck, still a bit tender from his kisses after last night’s show. “I bruised you. I’m sorry.”

“Hmm. I’m not.”

She swallowed. “But it’s so, so hard sometimes. He loves me for who I am, but I don’t want to do anything to fuck it up. And he stresses over so much that he doesn’t have to. Gillian, he’s been having panic attacks all tour.”

“My God. Is he seeing anyone to help with that?”

Claire sighed. “You’re looking at her. Thank God I did that psych rotation when I was in med school. I’ve helped him recognize the signs, and he knows enough to tell me when it’s happening so that we can get away and I can help him through it. But I’m not a psychiatrist. I can’t be everything he needs. He has to do a lot of work to explore what’s triggering him, so that he can manage that. Because after we take the break at the end of the year, we’ll be on the road for most of ’89. The label has booked more than a hundred shows.”

“And you’ll be with him?”

“Of course. He’s the air I breathe. I know this sounds insane, but we want to try for a baby next year. That way he can be off the road, off touring, to be with me if the timing lines up.” She sighed. “So I’ve talked to him about bringing a therapist with us on tour. He needs to have that kind of support from someone other than me. Especially when we’re in Europe and he’s playing soccer stadiums and dealing with a next level of bullshit.”

“Do you want some recommendations? Between Dougal and I, we can definitely help you find someone.”

Claire smiled thinly. “That would be wonderful. It has to be someone we both trust. Who can deal with all the craziness.”

Gillian nodded. “Consider it our wedding gift to you. I – we – really want to help you. You know this, Claire – getting sober is hard, but staying sober is so, so much harder. It does and doesn’t get easier with time. Dougal would say the same thing.”

“Do you ever miss it?”

She settled her chin into his shoulder, nestled securely in his lap. Together they watched the cornfields of Iowa glide by, thousands of feet below.

“No. Not really. The pills helped me deaden the pain. And my life doesn’t have that kind of pain at all, now.”

The private plane had four clusters of four seats, two seats on each side facing each other with a table in between. Jamie and Claire always had a cluster to themselves. Ian, his bass tech, Jamie’s guitar tech Arch, and Angus’ drum tech always sat together. Colum kept to himself. Leaving Angus in the final cluster – which he shared with the two groupies he’d been surprisingly faithful to since Albuquerque. He hated flying, but the girls certainly made it easier for him – plying him with snacks, rubbing his back, squeezing him between them in the big seat.

Claire turned slightly, and inhaled at his temple. Kissed his earlobe as he shivered. “I know you miss it, Jamie. And it’s OK.”

His grip tightened on her hip. “You taste so much better,” he whispered. Eyes far away.

Claire wiped the corners of her eyes. “I just love him, Gillian. So fucking much.” She took a deep breath. “I’m so proud of him, for everything he’s done, and for the man he’s worked so hard to become. I’m not going to lie – sometimes it’s so damn hard to deal with everything. With all of his past shit, and how he still lets it mess with his head. It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve told him that none of it bothers me. Not the drugs, or the alcohol, or the destroyed hotel rooms, or what is probably hundreds of women. I can’t let any of that bother me, because that’s not the Jamie I know. But Gillian…”

Gillian reached across the table and took Claire’s hand.

“He makes everything so fucking hard sometimes. He starts to spiral, and he worries that I’ll have had enough and walk away. But then we just take a deep breath, and we look at each other, and all the bullshit is gone, and it’s just so easy again.”

“You need a day off!”

Jamie rubbed his hands over his face, exasperated. “I do have a day off tomorrow, Claire. You know as well as I do that there isn’t a show.”

She huffed, hands on her hips. “Not the point, Jamie. I saw the call sheet for tomorrow. You’re meeting with the label, and then with Colum to talk to the merch guy, and then the lighting team, and then you’re doing some local radio spots. That’s NOT a day off!”

He shrugged. “At least we can get dinner together and it won’t be shitty venue food.”

She pursed her lips, trying so hard not to scream. “Do you not remember the panic attack last night? You were sobbing in my arms, Jamie. It was really, really bad. And then you were so exhausted, but you wanted to be a hero and do the show anyway, and then you tripped over your fucking amp when you went on stage and could have broken your arm. Where would that leave us, hmm?”

He reached out to her – and she stepped back.

Not done with him yet. 

“You need rest, Jamie. Your body is going to shut down. And that won’t be good for anybody.”

“Is that your medical opinion, Dr. Beauchamp?”

A hint of a smile. Good.

“Yes. I’m your personal physician. I’m prescribing a day in bed, sleeping.”

He smirked. “OK. But only if you’re in it, too.”

She shrugged. “I’m not making any sense.”

“Yes you are,” Gillian smiled. “You said it’s intense between you – there’s no way it couldn’t be. Set aside his being a musician, and being in just about the biggest band in the world right now. Think about how and when you met. What had happened to both of you beforehand. All the changes you’ve made in both of your lives, in a relatively short timeframe. It’s overwhelming. And being on the road with him this summer had to have just upped that intensity.”

“We’re together non-stop. Which has been great, because we have so much time. We have what nobody else has, and I treasure that, I really do. But it’s also exhausting sometimes.” Claire paused, considering. “Nobody else knows what I’m about to tell you, but it’s another factor. We…we didn’t…” She closed her eyes. “We waited until our wedding night.”

Gillian’s silence was a gift.

“We were both so scared. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I think we were worried that…that it wouldn’t be good, for some reason. And it was good, Gillian. So fucking good. We both cried.”

“You’re everything.” He kissed her nose and cheeks and forehead and mouth over and over and over again, his tears mixing with hers. “My heart is going to burst.”

She hugged him tighter, nails digging into the flames tattooed on his shoulders. “Love you,” she whispered, breathless. “Love you love you love you love you…”

“I don’t need to tell you this, Claire, but I will anyway. It’s been a really good decision to spend so much time together, to really get to know each other, before you were married. Both of you deliberately wanted your relationship to be different from anything you’d known or done before. And now that last barrier is gone between you. So everything has changed, am I right?”

Indianapolis. Married one week. He couldn’t stop smiling at her, standing side stage during the show. She couldn’t stop giggling when he found her after the encore, threw her over his shoulder, and ran to his dressing room. His breath hot against her lips, breathlessly pleading for her to stay quiet, as they loved each other on the sofa and the techs and roadies and catering people and production staff bustled by the locked door.

“It has, Gillian. But in many ways it hasn’t. It feels like yesterday, and it feels like forever.”

New Haven. Married two weeks. The morning after a powerhouse show at the Coliseum. A penthouse suite overlooking the water. She had slipped out of bed in the dark, opened the curtains wide. Watched him watch her as she returned to bed. Held his gaze as they loved each other, dawn breaking over their faces.

“I get that. You’ve introduced another layer to your relationship. Probably the most complex layer that there is.”

Providence. Married two weeks and two days. Holding each other in a bath, Jamie’s hand splayed across her belly, Claire’s nose buried in the curtain of his hair.

“So, be patient with yourself, Claire. Cut yourself a break.” Gillian reached across the table to squeeze her hand. “And just enjoy yourself! My God – what an incredible life you have.”

Claire’s smile was the widest Gillian had ever seen.

“Holy shit. I married a rock star.”

“I heard that!”

And then Jamie was there, smiling, and kissing Claire’s smile.

Dougal hung back in the doorway. Exchanging smiles with his own wife.

“Come on, rock star. You said you’d help me hook up the new CD player.”

Jamie pulled back. Rubbed his nose against Claire’s.

“Hey, Dougal?”

Dougal crossed his arms. “What?”

Jamie stood. Squeezed Claire’s hands. Kissed her wedding ring.

“Love is a much better high than any drug.”

Dougal rolled his eyes. “I’ll put that on the new pamphlets we’re printing up for The Ridge. But the stereo won’t install itself. Help out, and I’ll even let you play that new stuff you brought.”

[laurentidal]

Ice Core Report ❄️ August 2024

Decided to do a little editorial check in at the end of each month. Most of you probably don't know that, while Lauren is my real first name, that my blog is actually named for a massive ice sheet that once lay over the place where I live (the Laurentide Ice Sheet). Thus, this is a report from my ice core.

#1 Story: Suggestion Box

This one was a huge surprise for me. It took off immediately, and I had not seen that coming. I'd had this image saved in my "had potential" folder for probably three weeks before I decided on how to tell the story. It went through an iteration where this was an ice skating rink, then it was a sandwich shop. I think one draft had a "five dollar footlong" joke in it. But ultimately I liked "arcade" the best.

#2 Story: Enjoy Your Stay

This was based on fun joking conversation I had with @hypno-potion and as the scaffolding we were joking about kept getting more elaborate I was like "No there is definitely something here." I'm glad you all agreed.

#3 Story: Kitty Pet Saga

I saw this picture and immediately knew what the story was going to be. Sometimes I see an image and think "There's something here if I look hard enough" and sometimes I see an image and a fully formed idea just jumps right out of it.

#4 Story: Oh My

This is a story I actually wrote quite some time ago for an old defunct website that never really got any foot traffic. I'm glad I brought it over, because it's one of my personal favorites. The only fauxcest story in the top five this month. That's one of those kinks I think I'm just going to have to accept that you guys aren't as into as I am (and I have the data to validate that claim).

#5 Story: Daughters and Suns

The only true repost from my old blog and the only part of a series in the top five this month. This series is my favorite thing I'm writing right now (though this entry isn't my favorite in the series). There's a lot more coming so I hope you're enjoying as much as I am.

Sunda Systems

We're half way through Season 1 of my Sunda Systems investigative mind control conspiracy story. Our investigator has made several contacts and visited the campus first-hand. She also might be starting to feel some effects from her various encounters, and her keen eye for detail is missing a few clues that are staring her right in the face. But I'm sure the date she's got lined up will give her some much needed relaxation.

Please please please share this story and feel free to get interactive with it! I've put some real effort into it and I've never written such a slow burn before. I'm enjoying the ride, and I've got some GOOD (I think) twists and turns coming. I think this format could be fun to play around with as an audience. Post your theories! I love seeing that folks are engaging with more than just the like button.

Update of Magics & Mesmerism

Some of you are aware that I'm working on an erotic mind control TTRPG called Magics & Mesmerism. I'm still plugging away. As we speak, I'm writing skills for the Innovator character class. As a treat, I'd like to share with you an except from the page on Hypnotic Foci:

General Thoughts

Every story in the top five this month is a FEMALE SUB story. Noted. I tend to favor that in my writing, too, which is interesting because I think Female Over Male stories are hotter, probably because of the subversion of expectations. I'm a slut for subversion of expectations.

I think that's everything. Love you all and I'm very excited for you to see what's coming in September. One of my favorites that I wrote comes out tomorrow, and on the 13th you'll be introduced to your first Force of Nature.

Till then, keep reading, keep messaging, keep asking, and if you're feeling generous, keep donating.

[whyse7vn]

FOREVER 24 -

[ot7 x reader]

NAMKOOK MONTH!!

8 participants - 8 online

———————————

jin: namjoon be honest are you bald by choice?

namjoon: yes

yoongi: pretty shit choice

jk: namjoons bald?

tae: cancer :/

jk: OMG???

y/n: that’s not funny tae

tae: not cancer

jk: oh…

jimin: why do you sound disappointed

namjoon: why wouldn’t it be by choice

yoongi: cuz it’s a shit choice idk

jin: was wondering if tae shaved ur hair off by accident or something

namjoon: why would that ever happen

jk: why would you choose to be bald?

namjoon: it’s hot

y/n: hot as HELL

hobi: drop it like hot

namjoon: i hate summer

y/n: wait

jimin: we’re talking about temperature btw

hobi: not the seventeen song?

y/n: not namjoon?

tae: i’d get him pregnant if i could

y/n: 🙏🏽

jin: what

tae: i’m a man full of love

yoongi: full of shit

tae: some say i over love actually

i overlove

i overthink

i overfeel

❤️

jimin: you underbathe

jk: i love to bathe

hobi: it doesn’t show

y/n: i have to dress jungkook everyday so he doesn’t embarrass me

jin: that’s sad

yoongi: why would the way he dress effect you

y/n: we live in the same house if i let him dress himself some people might suspect child neglect

jk: neglect

namjoon: the worst part about it is that you let her jungkook

tae: what have i told you about standing up for yourself kookie

jk: i enjoy it actually

tae: stop talking

you can’t keep embarrassing me like this

jk: i’m sorry

tae: if you were sorry you would change

jk: i will change

for you i’ll always change

jimin: get a room?

hobi: is it not jungkooks birthday today?

jk: happy birthday 🎂 💜

oh that’s me lmao

jin: idiot

y/n: it’s tomorrow

jk: when she knows ur birthday 😍

tae: when’s mine lol

namjoon: are we having a party?

yoongi: not coming

jimin: let’s have it at yoongi’s place

yoongi: what

can you not read??

y/n: we can have a sleepover party!!!!

that would be so cute

tae: super cute!!

it would also be cute if you told me when my birthday was loool

jin: give up

i’ll bring drinks

namjoon: i can do snacks

jimin: NO YOU WONT

last time you were on snacks you brought us a whole load of plant based crackers

hobi: i can be snack man

y/n: i can decorate yoongi’s place a bit before

yoongi: wtf is wrong with you all

when i don’t open the door to any of you

y/n: i have a key?

yoongi: you do?

y/n: don’t act like you didn’t know

yoongi: idk what ur talking about

that’s pretty scary actually

jimin: get a room pt 2?

tae: let me in the room lol

when was i born @y/n

jk: all of this for me 🥺🥺

jimin: don’t flatter urself i just want to drink

hobi: what about a cake??

namjoon: i can get one

tae: you can just say the month i was born forget the date lmao

jin: how old is he turning?

jk: 26

jimin: 25???

hobi: i thought he was 23?

namjoon: i think it’s 24

yoongi: 1

y/n: he’s been 24 for like 5 years in a row

jin: somone google it

actually nvm i don’t care enough

namjoon just gonna put 24 on the cake

jk: is it a surprise party?

yoongi: are you stupid?

jimin: yes now close ur eyes ok?

jk: ok

hobi: there’s no way

y/n: jungkook…

yoongi: he is stupid

tae: i’ll give you a hint it ends in ember

namjoon: tae shut up

y/n go tell jungkook to open his eyes

jimin: here comes the fun police guys

y/n: sir yes sir 🫡

tae: lol i’m into that

hobi: tae got a really round head

tae: WTF NO I DONT

my head is perfect

jin: no because i was thinking the same thing it’s BIG as hell too

tae: ur wrong

if anything

yoongi’s head is CRAZY ngl

yoongi: why the fuck did you word it like that

y/n: yoongi and tae fucking omg???

jk: plot twist

jin: look who opened his eyes

jk: it’s me lol

he’s talking about me

cuz my eyes were closed

jimin: we know

hobi: open your eyes - 7th sense nct u

y/n: neo got my back 💚

tae: whose neo why is he touching ur back

is this consensual???

can he fight??

namjoon: you all are getting to old to be acting like this still

hobi: wdym jungkook is only 24?

jimin: maybe he’s talking about jin

jin: BACK OFF NAMJOON UR BALD

namjoon: i’m so tried

jk: i bet ironman is tired rn

yoongi: didn’t he die??

jk: you can be tired in heaven as well yoongi

jimin: beyoncé probably tired rn but she still looks pretty what’s ur excuse namjoon

hobi: bald people can’t be pretty

tae: about to cook guys wish me luck

yoongi: kys

tae: what

jk: keep yourself safe?

yoongi: kill yourself

tae: i’m gonna ignore you

y/n: jungkook shake ass on tiktok

jimin: ew

jk: ok

jin: you literally have no backbone jungkook

jk: ummm yes i do

i am no worm

namjoon: 😕

hobi: if she told you to jump off a cliff would you

yoongi: pls

jk: who

y/n: jungkook jump off a cliff

jk: what cliff

where is it

i’ll do it

jimin: not surprised

hobi: i think every year he decreases in age

jin: that makes a lot of sense

tae: i just deep fired an apple

y/n: why

tae: stay tf out my business

y/n: i hope you never see happiness

namjoon: what time is the party btw?

yoongi: never

jk: happy birthday 💜

hobi: we ride out at dawn

tae: should i bring deep fired apples

jin: i don’t even fuck with you all i won’t lie

y/n: do you think nct will perform for us

tae: sausage fest woah

yoongi: there is something really fucking wrong with you

tae: me and ur mother be fucking lol

yoongi: he’s not invited

someone kick him

nvm i’ll do it

yoongi kicked tae from "namkook month!!"

jk: do you think fish get lonely when they’re alone

jin: you think fish have kinks?

hobi: what if fish were behind the titanic crash

jk: what if they were in front of it

y/n: wow that’s insane

jk: ikr sometimes you have to think outside the box

jimin: you think outside the box constantly!

hobi: bro thinks outside the triangle 💀💀

jin: what does that even mean

jk: thanks guys!!!

namjoon: i asked a question

y/n: are we in school rn?

jin: yk i love a good bit of role play 🙈

yoongi: isn’t it better without him

jin: who’s him?

yoongi: exactly

jimin: i’m him

y/n: i could throw up

jk: do you know the muffin man?

namjoon: can we decide on a time pls

jk: OMG

what if we all just show up and see if we’re all in sync with each other

namjoon: that’s stupid

yoongi: i agree i’m not mentally connected to you guys in anyway shape or form

y/n: yoongi’s lying we talk telepathically all the time

jk: YOU DO???

jimin: ….

hobi: i agree with jungkooks idea

wow

never thought i would say that

wow…

sorry give me a minute guys

jk: take all the time you need bro

yoongi: he just insulted you

jk: WHO?????

jimin: i’ll be there at 6

PM btw

jk: i don’t think you understand what we are doing jimin

ur not supposed to tell us

jimin: stop talking to me

namjoon: 6 ok

fucking finally

y/n: dw jk jimin’s a bit yk…

jk: ohhhhh ok

i’m sorry jimin

6 sounds like a plan wink wink lol

jimin: never fucking wink wink lol at me again you rat

hobi added tae to "namkook month!!"

yoongi: do you hate me

hobi: sorry he wouldn’t stop calling me

i don’t like being harassed

tae: hiii guys did you miss me

yoongi: no

yoongi left "namkook month!!"

jin: if i was to ever pass out it would go like this

heLLLLOOOPPPP

HELPPPP ME PLSS

ITS ALL FADING TO BLACK

HELPPPPP 😩😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😨

GASP

HELP

🫨🙄😵‍💫😵 (that’s my eyes rolling to the back of my head btw)

now i’m passed out £2!2£2&:&&;&;&;&;&;&,&;&;;;8;&&:&&:8:88;87,7,7,£,£,£;&;&;&,7,7,7,77,7,8;&:,&,&&,&,&,&,&,?&,&&?&&&,&,&,&:7,7,7,7;77;£,£;7££;£,,£,7,7,7,&&,&,,’cmnnmmmm98828:&,&,&,&,&:&,&,&,&,£,£,£,£,

and scene

jk: wow that was really good

it really felt like you passed out

jimin: wish you would pass out for real

jimin left “namkook month!!”

hobi: i don’t think it’s healthy that after one conversation everyone just ends up leaving the gc…

namjoon left “namkook month!!”

tae: no but fr who is namkook and why is it their month what a selfish bitch

y/n left “namkook month!!”

hobi: nvm i get it

hobi left “namkook month!!”

tae: lowkey i think you might be the problem jungkook…

jk: you think so?

tae: yeah lol

jk: why can’t you be the problem?

tae: why would i be the problem?

jk: i can’t always be the problem

tae: you seem to make it work

jk: ur not invited anymore

tae: what

jk: to the party

don’t come

ur uninvited

tae: don’t say things you’ll regret jungkook

whose gonna bring the deep fired apples if i don’t come??

jk: i’ll make it work

like i always do

this is goodbye taehyung

bye

jk left “namkook month!!”

tae: what the fuck

—

happy jk day !! clearly this was written yesterday lmao

[bronz3y]

Anxious Love - Georgia Stanway

A/N

Hi everyone!, welcome to a new story I’ve been thinking about for the last few weeks, This is going to be a multi part story, so it’s gonna be quite long :)

If you guys have any questions of suggestions for the story, please feel free to pop a message in my inbox x

this character (Alex) ,ive written is very similar to my experiences of dealing with diagnosed anxiety, which has changed my life, not everyones experience is the same x

word count: 3k

warnings: mentions of anxiety

————————————————————————------------------------

Chapter 1 

“Can I have a caramel frappe please?” the Starbucks cashier nods at Alexandra, leaving after taking Ellas order as well.

Alexandra and Ella have been best friends since they were 5 years old, Ella was the more outgoing one of the two, she enjoyed going outside and getting all muddy playing football. It was, and still is Ella's passion. Alexandra on the other hand was the more relaxed of the two, she enjoyed playing her guitar, drawing, and watching football, she wasn't very sporty at a young age, which has now changed, but she preferred watching football more than actually playing it.  Ever since Ella joined her youth team, Alex had been watching football religiously, always making sure to be there and support her best friend, and also by never missing a single match of her favourite team, Arsenal WFC.

 Alex and Ella had always planned on going to the same university together, Alex secured her spot at the university of Manchester by getting the grades she needed to study sports psychology, and Ella got her ticket in by earning her scholarship to play for Manchester university.

The two girls sat down at the star bucks, sipping on their cold drinks, even though it was december.

“God im so done with that one girl in my class, she has to make a comment about every point the lecturer mentions, like just shush man” Ella groans, shaking her head

“How does she even have the balls to speak in front of like a hundred people, that actually baffles me” Alex laughs.

“Anyways, me and the girls are probably gonna go out tomorrow night, a bunch of them are here in Manchester for a couple of days for some event” Ella tells Alex with a look in her eyes.

“Ella, don't even bother trying, i have an exam in a couple of weeks, if you want me to one day become your sports psych you need to let me study” Alex laughs shaking her head.

“Alex!, it's one bloody night man, you can leave your books behind to shag a girl” Ella wiggles her eyebrows.

Alex's jaw drops and Ella has to put a hand over her mouth to keep her laughter at bay.

“Ella!, oh my god you already know i don't do hookups” Alex huffs as Ella rolls her eyes at her best friend's words.

“Come on you can at least kiss one, just come and have some fun, you can make some friends besides me” Ella laughs

“Excuse me, i do have other friends” Alex huffs

“Lex, you and I both know that's a fat lie” Ella says after taking a sip of her drink.Alex looks down at her hands, knowing that her best friend's words are true.

“Hey, don't worry, if you come this weekend, you'll make some for sure, you just gotta put in a bit of effort, which is actually coming,” Ella says smiling sadly.

Alex looks down at her empty cup, nodding at Ellas words.

“Fine, I'll come, for once you're actually right about something Toone” Alex laughs

Ella rolls her eyes, “Whatever man, come on, let's go home and get warm, I'm freezing after this bloody drink” Ella shivers.

The two girls walk out of the starbucks together, laughing about some meme Ella saw on her phone. Once they got back to their shared apartment they began doing some chores around the house, Alex cleaning the living room and Ella preparing the dinner since it was her turn that night.

A couple hours later, Alex was relaxing on the couch after completing all her chores for the day and Ella was finishing up their dinner, which was some pesto pasta, made from scratch since Alessia had taught Ella a few months ago.

As Ella was pouring the pasta in two plates, the sound of her phone ringing echoed through the house.

“hello?..Georgia hi!”

Georgia Stanway, Alex has heard about her a few times, Ella and Georgia had met a couple years ago in one of the England youth camps, the same place where she met Alessia, who she knows well, Georgia on the other hand, she hasn't met yet.

Ella always mentioned that she was funny and very talented in football, Alex had only seen Georgia in some instagram posts Ella made while in football camp or when she would go out with her football friends, Georgia went to another uni about half an hour from Manchester most weekends they would meet up, sometimes Ella would get a train with Alessia to them, or they would get the train to Manchester, which is what was happening this weekend. Ella had also told her that Georgia went to uni with a couple other football girls Ella had mentioned to her, Leah and Lotte.

“Oh yeah, i know a good bar we can go to…no, G we are not getting a maccies, we are all gonna go to a nice restaurant before we go to the bar” Ella laughs into her phone, rested between her shoulder and her ear as she brings the two plates of pesto pasta to the table.

“Mhm, oh and by the way, i actually convinced Alex to come, she's not too thrilled though” Ella laughs as Alex shoots her a death stare.

“Alright G im gonna have dinner now but ill message all the details on the group alright?, okay, bye!” Ella hangs up and puts her phone down, replacing it with a fork.

“This pesto better be good, it took me 2 bloody hours man”

Friday 

Friday came around quickly,  Alex was in the apartment finishing off some notes since she had the afternoon off, but her peaceful silence was interrupted by Ella barging through the front door.

“Alex!, its time to find you a cute outfit for tonight” Ella sang as she entered Alex’s room, rummaging through her wardrobe.

“Ella!, its still 5:30 in the afternoon” Alex groaned

“We need time to get you all glammed up, now, what are we feelin’, a polo with jeans?, this one's very nice” Ella pulls out a navy blue Ralph Lauren polo with some white pants to match the white logo.

“Yeah alright, thats nice” Alex nods her head, ella smiles and puts the outfit on her bed

“Ok, hair, do you want me to iron it?” Ella suggests

It takes them both a couple hours to get ready, after a few arguments over Ella almost burning Alex’s ear with the straightener, they are about to leave their apartment. After parking Ellas car, they start to walk to the Italian restaurant Ella had booked.

Alex felt quite nervous about meeting more of Ellas football friends since she didn't play herself, her anxiety had risen a bit on the way to the restaurant, but she reminded herself that Ella was with her and that she already knew Alessia. Alex exhales as they approach the door.

As the two girls walk in they scan the restaurant and see the rest of the girls sat down, Alessia sees them and waves. 

“Hey girls, nice outfits” Alessia gets up and gives them both a warm hug, Ella then sits down next to Alessia.

Alex then looks for a seat and sees the only one free is next to Georgia.

“Mind if I sit here?” Alex says, Georgia looks up at her and smiles.

“Of course, there's nowhere else after all,” Georgia laughs.

“You're so stupid” Alex thinks to herself as she sits down next to georgia.

Lotte, Leah and Georgia introduce themselves to Alex, they all seem lovely girls, just how Ella had described them.

“So Alex, what are you studying?” Leah asks as the waiter brings their drinks.

“I'm studying sports psychology” Alex replies shyly

“Oh nice, are you enjoying it?” Georgia looks at Alex, Alex smiles at her

“Oh yeah, i've always been interested in it, and plus, i can make sure El has no more screws loose” Alex jokes.

“Oi!, all my screws are tight thank you very much” Ella huffs, rolling her eyes at leah commenting on how that's a lie.

As the rest of the girls are talking to each other, Alex and Georgia are eating their meals in a slightly awkward silence.

“What about you? What are you studying?” Alex asks to continue the conversation.

“Oh um, nothing special, just accounting, i wanna focus on football as much as i can so i didn't want to study something hard” Georgia says shrugging.

“That makes sense, you must be pretty good if you're planning to make it pro” Alex smiles at her.

“I guess so, thankfully i have football, i've never been a smart person” Georgia laughs.

As the dinner went on Georgia and Alex got to know each other, from life plans to favourite animals, and before they knew it, they were going to head out to the club Ella had mentioned. The girls paid the bill and soon enough they exited the restaurant into the cold night, the club was only a five minute walk from the restaurant, so they got to the entrance pretty fast.

As the girls entered the club, Alex was already overwhelmed, she hated being squished to sweaty men, the smell of cigarettes and weed, she hated all of it.

As the girls found a booth they all sat down, Ella announces that she’ll get the first round of shots. Alex rests her head on the table on her arms, trying hard to control the anxiety she feels, the familiar fatigue in her stomach increasing. “No” Alex thinks, “i need this, i need friends”

she balls her hands into a fist, she sits up and takes a breath, none of the girls notice, except Georgia, Alex can feel her looking at her from the corner of her eye.

“Alright, everyone take one” Ella announces as she comes back with a tray of shots, Alex grabs one and quickly downs it before she can overthink it.

Half an hour later, the girls had gone to dance, Alex insisted she was not a dancer and would much rather stay at the booth, as she does, she sees georgia dancing with the rest of the girls, her freckles and beauty spots being hit perfectly by the dramatic lights of the club, her pearly white teeth had been showing ever since she entered the crowd and started dancing to the rhythm of the overplayed songs.

Alex hadn't dated anyone before, her shy personality in highschool made everyone think she was weird, thankfully, she'd slowly grown out of it as she grew up, acting more like herself.

Alex had always known she fancied girls, she had never really had a crush on any boys, one time when Ella and Alex were 12, Ella had asked her if she had a crush on anyone, Alex replied with the first boy that came to her mind, but she never liked any of them, she just wanted to fit in, like Ella did, she did one time ask a girl out at 15, but she rejected her and made fun of her for liking girls, from then on the rumours started and everyone knew her as “the lesbian”, from then forward is when the anxiety started.

Alex snapped out of her trance when she noticed that Georgia was looking back at her, Alex quickly looked down, but then looked back up again, to see Georgia's eyes still on her.

Alex suddenly felt a presence behind her, or more so smelt,.

“Hey beautiful” a deep raspy voice mumbled behind her, Alex could smell the alcohol on the man's breath without fully turning around, Alex then felt hands on her waist, she froze, tensing as the man continued talking to her.

“Oi fuck off will ya?” Alex saw someone shove the guy off her, Alex could feel her chest tightening, making it harder to breathe, Georgia then appeared in front of her.

“Alex?, ya alright?” Georgia said quietly.

“I ca..i cant breathe” Alex manages to speak.

“Shall I take you outside?” Georgia suggests, Alex nodded at her words.

Georgia puts her arm around Alex’s shoulder, guiding her to the club's exit, as they leave the club, Georgia finds a bench and sits Alex down.

“Alex, breathe in and out, slowly” Georgia crouches in front of Alex, showing her how to do it. Alex nods and does as she says.

“Good, you're ok, you're safe” Georgia whispers, Alex nods, a couple tears running down her cheeks.

“Oh god” Alex breathes out when she can speak

“You alright?” Georgia says, sitting down next to Alex, a worried look on her face.

Alex nods at her words, resting her head back onto the bench.

“What that guy did is fucking horrible, touching you like that without asking” georgia says angrily.

“My anxiety got so bad, sorry you had to see that” Alex looks down

“Hey, there's nothing to apologise for, I'm glad I got there when I did” Georgia smiles, putting a hand on Alex’s shoulder.

“Thank you for that, i shouldn't need someone to do that, i should be able to tell the person to fuck off myself” Alex says, playing with her ring.

“No Alex, it's not your fault, not everyone is like that, some people go into shock, like you, and some people punch or shove them away, like me” Georgia says softly, Alex nods at her words.

“I dont think im gonna go back in there” Alex shakes her head.

“I can take you home if you want” Georgia suggests Alex

Alex shakes her head, “Georgia, there's no need, seriously i-”

“Alex, I don't mind, I promise, and plus your house is like 20 minutes walking from here right?” Alex nods at Georgia's question.

“Alright, Ella told me that the place me and the girls are staying in is close to your accommodation anyways” Georgia smiles.

They both get up from the bench and begin to walk towards Alex and Ellas place. As they did so, there was a comfortable silence between the two girls, apart from the sound of cars driving by them and the occasional group of teens passing by. but Georgia's voice interrupted the silence.

“Hey, sorry if this is too much to ask but, I saw that when we first sat down, you looked really stressed out, were ya alright?” Georgia fidgeted with her coat zipper as she asked.

“No,no it's alright, I saw that you noticed, it's just i'm not a big fan of these things, going out to clubs and getting really drunk” Alex shrugged.

“It gives me a lot of anxiety, but i don't have any friends besides Ella, sure i had like 2 more back home, but i've been to uni for a couple months and i only have el, i need to make more friends” Alex looked down ashamed. 

“Hey, you've already made one” Georgia smiles at Alex, gently bumping into her, Alex smiles back at her, but it quickly fades.

“I just feel like shit,I don't want Ella to feel like she only needs to hang with me, she has you guys, and a couple other friends she's met here” Alex explains.

“I understand, i'm always here if you need anyone to hang out, if you want to of course i know i can be much sometimes” Georgia rants, Alex shakes her head.

“I'd really like that, don't feel forced to, i know you already have your own friends” Alex says

“There's nothing wrong with making more” Georgia says shyly

After a couple more minutes of walking and their hands grazing every once in a while, Alex and Georgia arrived at Alex’s and Ella’s home.

“This is me” Alex says, stopping at her apartment building door, Georgia stands in front of Alex.

“Thank you, for tonight, you didn't have to see me like that, im s-”

“Alex.” Georgia says sternly, “i wanted to, i know you needed someone with you”

“Thank you” Alex says softly, smiling at Georgia.

“Any time” Georgia smiles back, before Alex could walk away, Georgia spoke up.

“Hey, would you maybe want to go get a coffee tomorrow afternoon?” Georgia asks shyly

“I'm not too busy tomorrow, but if I finish my studying, I'd like to,” Alex smiles at georgia.

“Great!, erm what time works best for ya?” Georgia cringes internally at her excitement.

“any time after 5, is 5:30 ok?” Alex suggests.

“Mhm, perfect, i'm not really doing anything tomorrow, just training in the morning” Georgia laughed.

“Stanway and her football” Alex shakes her head, Georgia giggles at her words.

“Well if it wasn't for football i wouldn't be here, gotta keep it up eh?” Georgia rambled, Alex nodded with a “that's true” expression.

“Well, I should head in, it's getting late” Alex says softly.

“Yeah same, gotta get some sleep before training” Georgia mumbles.

“Goodnight, stanway, thank you for tonight” Alex mentions it again, she wants to make sure Georgia knows she's not taking what the girl had done for granted, no one has calmed her down that quick before.

“Of course Alex, i'll help ya as many times as you need while I'm with you” Georgia smiles, her cheeks slightly red due to the cold, or at least that's what Alex thought in her head.Alex then walks closer to Georgia, wrapping her arms around her, it took Georgia a second to hug her back, not expecting it, Georgia hugged her back tightly, after a couple of seconds, they parted, smiling at eachother.

“Goodnight stanway” Alex whispered.

“Goodlight Lex,” Georgia smiled.

As alex walked up to her door to unlock it, she looked back, watching Georgia walk away, she smiled to herself and let herself inside, once she got into her apartment, she prepared herself a tea, it always helped her calm down after an anxious day, once Alex had sat down, sipping on her tea catching up on her series, her phone vibrated.

“Georgia Stanway has followed you”

“Accept”

“You are now following Georgia Stanway”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hope you all enjoyed the first chapter! :) x

[honey-ca]

𝟷. 𝙾𝙷! 𝚂𝚆𝙴𝙴𝚃 𝚂𝚄𝙼𝙼𝙴𝚁

15.06 pm. California

Clear afternoon, the sun at its brightest, ushering in the summer. Squeals of children saying goodbye to each other for the summer, hoping to see each other again, and some were just happy not to be going back to school. This was the case for the seniors, in a few months some were going to university and others were going to start their working life. The corridor of the school was full of people who were gradually disappearing and the summer holidays were beginning.

'Finally' Dipper Pines sighed as he stuffed his last book into his backpack 'Vacation is officially starting.' Dipper closed the locker with the intention of going to meet his sister.

'DIPPER!'

'Aaaaah!' The Pines twin put a hand to his heart in an attempt to calm himself.

'Aren't you excited?' .Mabel wiggled and jumped up and down with excitement. ”After a long time we'll be back in Gravity Falls."

The Pines twins hadn't been back to Gravity Falls in about 5 years; high school had taken up a lot of their time and besides their mother, she didn't support the idea of them going back after the big mess with Stanley and Stanford. So this year they were going to Gravity Falls before entering college.

“What about Kai?” They started walking.

“He'll still be in recovery, you know what that old man, like." Mabel put a hand to her chest, "How can he do that to my Kai? It's torture!

“Don't complain, it's been good for Maths.”

The twins walked in the direction of the class where their classmate was, they talked about how they were looking forward to going back and the things they had to teach their friend.

“Are we going to talk to her about what happened to Kai," Mabel asked.

“Obviously not," Dipper replied confidently.

“But he has a right to know something," his sister said.

“I don't want Kai to think we're crazy and take him away from us.

“Oh! Dipper got sentimental” Mabel started laughing as she patted her brother's shoulder. Dipper grabbed his sister's hands and tried to stop her from slapping him on the shoulder, but Mabel started kicking him; people passing in the hallway gave the twins a strange look.

“Mabel, stand still," Dipper tried to defend himself with his limbs.

“You leave my hands alone," Mabel replied.

“I really can't leave you two alone for a minute.

The brothers stopped fighting at the sound of the third voice that had joined the conversation.

“Kai!” shouted the twins in surprise at the same time.

‘Shall we go? I can't wait to get out of this prison," he pointed to the exit.

The trio headed for the exit, talking about the last few classes they'd had and the excitement of the holidays starting.

“We have a lot to show you, you're going to love it, there's a beautiful lake, on that same boat I met one of the loves of my life!” We also have to introduce you to Uncle Stan and Uncle Stan..." Mabel spoke with excitement.

They continued walking while Mabel narrated all the things they could do in Gravity Falls, Kai listened to her attentively while he hugged her arm and Dipper was just making sure they didn't pass the street of his house. “There's an arcade and there's also an..." Mabel was talking until she was interrupted. “We're home, Mabel," interrupted Dipper.“So soon," complained Mabel, throwing a tantrum like a little girl, "I want to keep telling Kai things!“You'll talk to me in the morning, don't worry," Kai soothed as he hugged her goodbye.

Then he turned to Dipper to say goodbye with a fist bump.“Tomorrow at seven o'clock at our house. Dipper pointed out to him.” Not a minute more, not a minute less. Kai lifted his right arm and his left arm could be in his heart, "I promise I'll be at your front door at six in the morning.“Yes, yes," Dipper pushed Kai friendly across the pavement and they each went their separate ways out of sight.

6:57 a.m ,California

'We're going to be late," the younger Pines twin was spinning around, looking like he was about to have a stroke. 'Don't worry, Dipper," Mabel tried to reassure him, who was putting the harness on Bamboleos. 'You told him at six o'clock, he's probably just around the corner. Dipper sighed and rolled his eyes as he saw that his sister wasn't helping.

The bus was leaving at 8 a.m. and the bus station was 20 minutes away. Dipper looked back at his digital wrist watch "6:58" The younger twin put his hands to his face and rubbed them all over his face trying to control himself. 'Are you ready yet?" asked the twins' mother as she came down the stairs. She had offered to drive the three of them to the bus stop. 'Kai hasn't come yet.' Dipper said as he anxiously swung his leg.

'Well, it's not too late'. His mother replied. She took the suitcases with her children and put them in the car while they waited for Kai. "7:00" Dipper was about to get an ulcer, normally Kai was on time but he didn't understand why he wasn't on time today, and it was getting on his nerves.

He stared at the street Kai had to pass through in the hope that he would just show up and they could get to the bus station in time. 'Go start the car, Mom, I'll get the bags in'. Dipper grabbed one of the suitcases when he saw his mother nodding in agreement. Once again he looked at his watch "7:02" His body began to sweat from nerves, so to forget about Kai's tardiness he put the suitcases back in. Until he noticed that one of the suitcases was missing, as if that wasn't enough now he had lost a suitcase. He intended to go and ask his sister but she was too busy dancing with Bamboleos.

'Sir, there's a chance you might let me ride with you in your car," he said. When Dipper heard the voice that interrupted his head, so he turned his head to find Kai. Her hair was a bit messy, her breathing was ragged and her jacket was misplaced, but she was still smiling. 'You're late," I said, squinting at her as I pointed to my watch. She just sighed as she rolled her eyes. 'I know you're glad I came," he said as he handed me his suitcase to put in the boot.

I took her suitcase ignoring how she had repeated my words in a more childish and sharp tone, when I put everything in the boot I closed it and turned around to look at her with the intention of leaving, but she started to look for something in her backpack. I watched her as she took something out of her backpack, I could see that sparkle in her eyes that always fascinated me, the light brown colour of her eyes, that small red mole near her eye, and the mascara on her eyelashes which had smudged a little. "She has very pretty eyes. I thought to myself as I stared at her until...

"Here, for my lateness". She interrupted my thoughts by holding out a chocolate bar.

"Hmm, thank you" I said as I moved to the back door of the car to open it, she gave me a grateful smile. When I closed the door I went to the passenger seat next to my mother.Mabel was overjoyed when Kai sat next to her. She hugged Kai and they went on like that for quite a while, until Bamboleos stepped in to greet Kai. 'I missed you too, fatty'. He said to Bamboleos as he dragged him along.

'Are we all ready," my mother asked as she walked out of the neighborhood. To which we all responded in unison with a yes.-I thank you again, Mrs. Pines, for letting me go on holiday with your children. Kai spoke to her with some embarrassment. We had known each other for almost 5 years and I was still shy with my parents; even when I was at our house I still asked if I could have a glass of water! 'Don't give them to me honey, I'm glad you're happy. You're like part of the family now," my mother explained. My mother had always adored Kai, since the first day Mabel brought her home to do biology work together my mother had been delighted with her; even though she knew I didn't like her at the time.

The rest of the trip to the station went by in the blink of an eye, Mabel kept telling Kai everything she couldn't tell him in the middle of the day. My mother was humming a song that had been on the radio, and I, I was dying of nerves, it had been so long since I had been back to Gravity Falls, how everyone will be, how everything had changed, how... how everything was going to be without him.

7:52 ,Bus station

We had arrived at the bus station a few minutes ago, we had already done all the checking, and my mother had already cried. We were in the back of the bus, getting ready for the journey. Mabel was next to Bamboleos, and I was next to Kai, who was putting her suitcase on the top shelf.

'OK, so right now we only have 6 hours to go and we'll arrive in Gravity Falls, we'll be there by lunchtime.' Dipper said.

He was sitting by the window with a brochure of Gravity Falls, the last stop. Mabel was sitting behind Dipper next to Bamboleos, and Kai was putting the extra suitcases on the top shelf. When Kai finished and moved with the intention of sitting down, but when he couldn't, he stared at Dipper waiting for Dipper to telepathically know what he wanted.Dipper felt a look on his face and turned his gaze to Kai.

'What's wrong with you?' he asked, Kai was still staring at him waiting for him to guess the answer.

A shiver ran through his body as he felt Kai's gaze on him. Though it all made sense as soon as Kai pointed to the window and then to his spot, then made a heart shape with his hands.

Dipper rolled his eyes back as he shifted in his seat, once he had his belt on Kai stepped over him and sat down on the seat next to the window 'Was that so hard to tell me,' Dipper reproached him, narrowing his eyes.

Kai gave him a big smile in response. 'It was so much more fun in that way, you get really bitter when there's a lot of stress involved'.

Dipper just sighed as he pulled out a book for the trip, then looked at Kai who was already prepared with her helmets and finally Dipper looked back to see how his sister was doing, but it was no surprise when he found Bamboleos and Mabel already half asleep.

Dipper sighed again as he smiled faintly, 'It's going to be a long summer.

[mirkwoodshewolf]

No following; Planet of the apes fanfic Chap. 5

*Author's note*

And here we go with the start of even more family drama happening with the Rodman family. And we are also getting closer to ending ROTPOTA story line, the next chapter will be the last one for the first book before going into book two which takes place during DAWN. So get ready for that and be on the lookout for that. Until then continue to enjoy my lovely readers.

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@gay-and-ready-to-cry

@queen-paladin

@psychosupernatural

____________________________________________________

Life went on as expected.  I graduated high school, got my diploma and performed my last show with the Community center.  But even though life outside the Rodman house was normal, on the inside there was a dark cloud constantly hovering over us.

My grandpa’s health was rapidly deteriorating day by day.  Now he hardly ever moved, nor did he speak.  All he did was just lay in bed or sit on it if Will wanted him to at least be out of bed.  Will had thrown himself not only into his work but also trying to find a way to bring Caesar back home.  Caroline’s tried to be there for Will but truthfully what could she do to help?  

As for me, well—there are days when I just spend most of my time in Caesar’s room, preserving all of this things just the way they were.  I’d look at all the old drawings he did when he was just a young chimp, the models he’s built and puzzles he’s completed.  I’d even play some of his favorite movie soundtracks he’d come to love thanks to me.

Even though Uncle Will and Caroline said to me that we’d be allowed visitation rights to Caesar, we just had to call in advance before we could.  And it couldn’t be more than one visit a month.  That alone wasn’t good enough for me, I’d be leaving by mid-August and then who knows what could happen to him by then.

He could be put down, sent to an even worse facility, I don’t know.  I began doing some research on the San Bruno facility and as I expected there wasn’t much to go by.  Nothing but the smoke and mirrors of them providing ‘enrichment and quality integration with other chimps’.  I then went into my contacts and called up one of my friends who once worked for the school yearbook.

“Hey Doe, listen do you still have that camera I gave you for your birthday last year? Oh nothing’s wrong I just need to borrow it for a little bit, is that alright? Great, thanks. Yeah, yeah that’ll work. Okay see yah tomorrow. Bye girl, and thanks again. Kiss, kiss.” I hung up and turned to an old photo that Will made for Caesar.

It was the two of us together on his 3rd birthday just after I had performed E.T’s flight for him.  My violin bow in hand with Caesar and I leaning against the other and him holding my violin carefully in his.

“I promised I’d never let anything happen to you, and I failed you little brother. But I’m not gonna fail you again.” My plan forming carefully in my head.

The next day I met my friend Dorinda at her aunt’s cat café and she gave me the camera I had given her for her 17th birthday.  A 4K megapixel digital camera.  Doe was always into photography which is why all her pictures were the best ones in the school yearbook.  And like me, she’s getting a scholarship all the way in New York for Journalism with a focus in principle photography.

I promised to bring the camera back before she left for New York in two weeks to start moving into her new apartment her dad had found for her (her parents had gotten divorced during our sophomore year).  I then rode on my motorbike towards San Bruno’s primate shelter.

Once I got there, I was careful not to drive up to the gate, instead I found an old abandoned building that was fairly close to the shelter and snuck inside of it.  I climbed up the stairs until I reached a good window that happened to look down at the sanctuary.

I turned on the camera and looked through the lens screen and saw the full 4k HD picture of the San Bruno Primate shelter.  I hit the zoom button and low and behold I managed to actually see the security building and saw two men.  One was a blonde haired boy who could’ve been ten years older than me, or maybe around my uncle’s age.  And the other one was a dark-haired man about the same age, maybe a few years older than the blonde haired boy.

“What I wouldn’t give to have some audio recording gear right about now.” I muttered to myself as I slowly look around the security building.

After a few minutes of nothing but seeing the two of them arguing, or more like the blonde one bullying the dark-haired man, I soon heard the sounds of a car pulling up.  Without hesitation, the gates opened up and the car pulled in.  I was beginning to think this could be another employers car or even the manager who runs the shelter, but the second I heard the frantic honks and faint sounds of cheering, I knew this wasn’t the case.

Soon enough two girls and another boy came out of the car and were waving around bottles of beer.  I smirked and began snapping the pictures of them.  The blonde boy coming out and greeting whom I assumed were his friends, and him letting them inside the shelter.  I also made sure to get good pictures of the beer his buddy brought.  Smirking I looked down at the camera and said.

“Gotcha.” I raced out of the building and headed back towards my bike. Quick as I could, I drove off to the closest Walmart and went over to the tech department to get the photos developed.  After waiting about 20-25 minutes, the clerk handed me the photos and I thanked him before heading out.

I packed up everything I was going to need tomorrow when I heard a knock at my door.  I jumped slightly but relaxed once I saw that it was uncle Will.

“I just got off the phone with the sanctuary, your visitation tomorrow has been approved.”

“Thanks Will.” I said.

“Now you sure you don’t need me to come with you. I know that things have been—delicate for you lately since Caesar was……”

“I’ll be fine uncle Will. Who knows, maybe seeing him and knowing that he’s alright will put me at ease.”

“You know I’m doing everything I can to get him back, right?”

“I know you are. Believe me, I know.” I walked up to him and embraced him.  “You’ve always tried to be so strong. It’s okay to need help.” I heard him sniffle before he separated from me and he said.

“You might wanna get some sleep. They told me they’re expecting you at 10am sharp.” Without another word, he left my room and I let out a deep sigh.  I got into bed and soon fell asleep after setting my alarm.

Bright and early the next morning, I got up, got dressed, had my breakfast and took off towards the San Bruno primate shelter before the summer morning traffic could hit.  This time I came straight to the gate and after showing my electronic approval to the dark-haired employer, he let me in and escorted me inside.

“What’s your name?” I asked him.

“Pardon?” he asked nervously.

“I asked you for your name.” I asked him again.

“R-Rodney.” He replied.

“Pleasure to meet you Rodney, I’m Lin. Lin Rodman.” I extended out my hand as we came into the office and he hesitantly took my hand before we shook on it.

“Alright Rodney piss off and get back to work!” snapped the blonde-haired man.  Rodney flinched and raced off further down the sanctuary corridor.  “So, my father tells me you’re here for the new guy? Been nothing but trouble that one.”

“All apes are intelligent beings if you take the time to know them in a calm, collective manner.” I told him.  He rolled his eyes and groaned.

“Oh don’t tell me you’re one of those people. The ones that are always protesting for animal rights and their free speech. Please they’re animals! They don’t know the difference between food and their own shit.” I narrowed my eyes at him and said as I came around and sat down at one of the chairs.

“And just who are you to say something like that?”

“Are you kidding me? Kid, I’m Dodge Landon. And I know better than these stupid monkeys.”

“Apes. Monkeys have tails, apes don’t.”

“Whatever. Let’s just get this over with.” He trudged out of the main office and I followed right behind him to another room where a large cage with only a small slot stood.  “Wait over there.” He ordered me as he pointed at a bench before continuing onward.  I sat down at it and waited for a bit.

Soon I heard the sound of footsteps coming from the roof and hopping down in the cage was Cesar.  The second we saw one another, Caesar hooted happily and I came over to him taking his hand in mine.

“Hey, hey there Caesar.” He reached up and gently touched where the bruise from Hunsiker’s punch was at as he signed to me.

‘Still hurt bad?’

“It’s fine, see? Bruise is gone now. I’m okay bud, I’m okay.” The second I saw Dodge come into the room I stood up and asked him. “I’d like to know that he’s being well taken care of here and that no harm has come to him.”

“He’s fine. If he gets picked on, that’s his problem, not ours.” Dodge shrugged nonchalantly.

“So you wouldn’t care if a court order of animal abuse came onto this sanctuary?”

“Truthfully I could care less about what happens to this place. My father’s the one who really runs it, he just forces me to work here.”

“Huh.” I hummed.  “Now according to your website, you say you provide an ‘enriching environment’ is that correct?”

“Yeah, so what?”

“So what is that exactly? Just out of curiosity.”

“You know you’re asking a lot of questions that shouldn’t be asked.”

“Well now hold on a second, I’m merely just making conversation here. I’d like to know that the temporary home that Caesar is in is giving him everything he needs. He’s not like other chimps you know.”

“Please. He’s just another dumb animal who thinks he’s special. And you’re a nosy little girl whose sticking her nose where it don’t belong!” Caesar lowly growled but I held my hand out in front of him to calm him down.

“I suppose I am. But before you do anything, I’d like to show you something.” I went over to my pack and pulled out the folder and held it out to him.  He snatched the folder and opened it up to reveal the fully developed 4k pictures of him and his friends together with beer in hand and him sneaking them inside the sanctuary through the backdoor.

“How’d you get these pictures?” he hissed at me.

“How I got them doesn’t matter, what matters is what are you going to do with them.”

“You really think you’re so smart, huh? Well I’ll show you!” he then proceeded to rip up the pictures to shreds. “There, now you have no evidence.”

“Don’t I?” I then pulled out the thumb drive I had put the pictures on before getting them developed.  “Now I know you said you could care less what happens to this place, but what happens if—I don’t know say….the public finds out about this? If the courts decided this place was unreliable to house unwanted apes. After all in this day in age, it’s the public opinion that rules all, right? Even if the courts don’t do anything, the people will. And that would be such a headache for you, now wouldn’t it? Unless……we come to a little deal.”

Dodge looked at me with both seething anger but also a hint of fear.

“You blackmailing me?” he asked.

“Yes.” I replied after a moment of silence.  I gave him an unsettling wide smile, softly chuckling while and a crazy look to my eye to let him know I meant business.

“What do you want?” I turned towards Caesar and said as I took his hand in mine.

“I should like to come at least twice a week, no further visitor approval. And I shall provide the apes true enrichment. Give you less work to do.”

“And just how do you expect over 100 apes are going to listen to you.”

“Music doth soothes the savage beast, isn’t that how the quote goes? In that folder you’ll also see my resume of performing with the San Fransico community center orchestra. You give me at least an hour to entertain the apes with true enrichment, and no one ever need know your dirty little secret. Not even your own father.”

I could see Dodge going over my proposition in his head, he took a deep breath in before exhaling sharply.

“And you swear you won’t go back on your deal and release those photos online?”

“You keep your end of the bargain, and I shall keep mine.” Dodge glared at me but he soon said.

“Deal. In fact you can start now, these animals have been going mad for hours.” As he turned away I turned to Caesar and muttered.

“Got it, Malfoy.” Caesar let out a laugh as I snickered which made Dodge stop and slowly turn to us.

“What did you call me?”

“Nothing, nothing not a thing, Draco Malfoy.” I told him before muttering the name under my breath again.  “I’ll see you on the other side Caesar.” He nodded and proceeded back up the cage and I heard his footsteps trail off.

“Move it.” Dodge lowly sneered as he gestured for me to move.  I was then taken to the back room where I feared all the apes were actually living was revealed.

Tightly condensed cages with only room for them to pace a foot between and only a small bunk-like bed for them to sit on if they didn’t want to sit at the floor of their cages.  All the chimps were going insane in their cages, beating on them, hotting and chattering hysterically.

“Sweet Jesus it’s worse than I thought.” I muttered.

“Oi! If you don’t mind, get on with your silly fiddle music.” Dodge impatiently snapped.

“It’s a violin, not a fiddle.” I set my case down and took out my violin.

“Uhh Dodge? Wh-why is she back here?” Rodney asked nervously.

“Oh don’t worry Rodney, I’m here to give you boys a bit of extra help.” I gave him a wink as I walked down the ramps tuning my violin to make sure it was good and ready.  As I came to the pathway between the cages, the apes began to settle down as they all looked to me.   

I then proceeded to play the very song I played at my last performance with the community center.  Celtic woman’s ‘Granuaile’s Dance’.  The second I started with the first few notes and dancing about like a doe in springtime, the apes all went silent as they watched me.

I’d dance in front of some of their cages, spinning on the balls of my feet while continuously playing.  Some came up to their cages with an entranced look that Caesar always had whenever I’d play for him.  Others began softly hooting happily as I’d do another spin for them before running down the corridors.

I made sure to give every ape the same attention as I played in each row and ran down the long, winding corridor.  Twirling, jumping, skipping, and racing down as I played my violin.  By the end of it all, I had raced back towards the main entrance of the corridor and when I finished, I heard some claps from the apes while the rest of them hooted and chattered in their way as an applause. I even heard some claps from above as I saw Rodney clapping but then he stopped when Dodge glared at him.

“Now if you gentlemen don’t mind, I’ve got about 57 minutes left of this concert and I think the apes would appreciate it if they weren’t being monitored like common criminals.” Dodge turned away scoffing under his breath.

“Whatever.”

“J-just be sure to not get too close to the cages.” Rodney advised me.  I nodded and he left to go back into the infirmary office.  I took a deep breath in and proceeded to do several more compositions until my hour was almost up.  For the remainder of the five minutes I had left, I sat in front of Caesar’s cage.

“So you think the others enjoyed having true enrichment?”

‘Yes. Maurice especially loved it.’ Caesar signed.

“Who’s Maurice?” Caesar then pointed over to the only Orangutan in the sanctuary.  Maurice looked at me with eyes that held the same level of intelligence as Caesar and he began to sign.

‘You play beautifully.’ I gasped softly and signed to him.

‘You know sign language?’

‘Circus orangutan.’ Maurice signed to me.  I looked at him sympathetically and signed back to him.

‘I’m so sorry.’

‘No need for apologizes.’ I turned back to Caesar and he signed to me.

‘When can I go home?’ I sighed solemnly.

“Believe me brother, if it were up to me I’d bust you out of here right now. But only Will can get you out of here, I have no legal right to do that. I’m sorry.” Caesar huffed lowly as he looked away from me.  “I’m really sorry Caesar, the only thing I can do is come twice a week and provide you with some semblance of home thanks to my deal with the owner’s son.” He didn’t look back at me.  “I’ll see you in two days.” I packed up my violin and headed out the door.

“Finally finished?” Dodge sneered.

“Be thankful I took an hour of your miserable life of having to deal with these intelligent creatures. And remember our deal, if I hear you mentioning this to your father, the pictures get posted on my Instagram.” I walked out the door, got on my bike and headed back to the house.

Along with providing music for the apes, I also performed for grandpa in hopes of getting some recognition back into his eyes.  But all he gives any of us is the thousand-yard stare.

Sometimes I wonder if there is such a thing as ‘out of body experience’, that way grandpa could really see just how much his health has affected all of us.  Like cancer, the worst thing about Alzheimer’s disease is not what it does to the person it’s affecting, but the people around them.

Four weeks later and I had just finished my current concert I had given the apes at San Bruno primate sanctuary.  And as usual, I try to make the last few minutes be the one on one time with Caesar and I.  Lately, however, I’ve noticed how he’s grown to be more distant.  He hardly ever signs back to me, only giving me the occasional nod or one worded sign.  I sat by his cage and said to him.

“I don’t know what happened after the last time Will and Caroline came to see you a week ago, but surely it can’t be worth all this brooding and misery.” He didn’t turn back to face me.  “Please Caesar, you’re really starting to worry me. You can hardly look at me anymore. Are you—ashamed of me being here now?” he remained on his bunk bed, his back turned to me.

My heart cracked as I let out a soft scoff.

“Alright, I can take a hint.” I packed up my violin and told him. “Just know that all these years together wasn’t a game to me, nor a lie. You were like the little brother I never had, but if you don’t want me in your life anymore, I’ll respect your decision. I’ll remember you though, after all—I remember everyone who leaves.” A tear slid down my face as I raced out of the sanctuary and rode back home.

I stayed in my room the rest of the day and into the night.  Looking through the old scrapbook I had made of Caesar and myself throughout the years.  All of his best drawings, pictures of us together, things we collected during our time in the redwoods.  My throat clenched tightly and my heart sunk to my stomach.

I grabbed an old suitcase and with all the memorabilia I had that reminded me of Caesar, I placed them in the suitcase before zipping it up and placing a lock on the suitcase and locked it up.  I then slid the suitcase under my bed before collapsing onto my bed burying my face into my pillow as tears once again fell down my face.

And just when I thought I didn’t have anymore tears to shed, I woke the next morning to check on grandpa when I saw him and uncle Will together.  Grandpa’s body pale as his white sheets and lying still like a statue.  Will turned to me with tears in his eyes and he shook his head at me.

My body went numb—I didn’t feel myself collapse to my knees but I did take notice of how the world looked bigger while I felt smaller.  I must’ve let out some heart-breaking wail because uncle Will came and held me in his arms while Caroline came rushing in and I saw her checking on grandpa, but there wasn’t anything she could do.  There wasn’t anything anyone could do.

My grandpa, Charles Rodman, was dead.

We had the funeral a week later.  I didn’t even hear the automatic speech that the officiant had to say about my grandpa, all I could hear was muffled voices while I watched brokenly as my grandfather’s casket was lowered into the earth.

After the service, I was back in my room fiddling with some of grandpa’s old sheet music.  I don’t know why but now that he’s gone I feel—empty.  Like all the music I once had inside of me, the passion I once had for it, it was completely gone.  I tossed the sheet music aside and I heard a knock at my door.

“Knock, knock, may I come in?” I heard Caroline’s voice ask softly.  I let out a small grunt allowing her inside my room.  She sat down beside me and asked me, “How are you holding up Lin?”

“Was it worth it?” I croaked out for the first time after being silent for a whole week.

“What?”

“Was it worth pulling it off? His death? Would it have—hurt less if he had passed on five years ago? Or would we still be in this much pain, knowing that he didn’t have to have that fleeting second chance.”

“I know there’s nothing I can say that’ll bring him back, or change what happened. But you should at least take comfort in the fact that—he’s no longer suffering anymore. And he’ll always be with you, as long as you remember the things he taught you.” I moved my eyes towards my violin and I suddenly had a distain for it.

“LIN!!” Will’s voice cried out after hearing the front door slam shut.  Thunderous footsteps came up and he soon entered my room, a pissed off look across his face.

“Will, hold on now’s not the—”

“No Caroline this is between me and her.” Will snapped.  Caroline stood up and walked over to my uncle, holding his arm.

“Choose your next words carefully. She’s in a fragile state right now.” She then left closing the door behind her.

“The month you’d disappear twice a week for, tell me exactly where’d you go off to? And don’t lie to me.” I looked up at him.

“Visiting the community center to—”

“I SAID DON’T LIE TO ME LIN!!” he said slamming his hand on my dresser.  “I know Lin. I know you’ve been sneaking out to see Caesar by blackmailing the owner’s son. He told me, ‘tell that little brat of yours I don’t care about the photos. Now both of you aren’t my problem anymore’.”

“You already know, what’s the point in me telling you?”

“Don’t turn this around! Why would you do something so incredibly stupid!? If it had gotten out by the time the court date came around that you trespassed on private property, blackmailed their staff, and illegally saw Caesar, we’d never get him back! You never think these things through!”

“What like you did?! When you gave grandpa that drug? Or not telling Caesar who he really was? Or even just now by paying off Mr. Landon just to break Caesar out!” I snapped as I stood up from my bed and got into his face.  “Yeah, I saw the envelope full of money before we left for the service for grandpa. You’re not as slick as you think you are uncle.”

“Well as you can see it didn’t work. Caesar wouldn’t leave with me.”

“Good.” I went to walk away but he roughly grabbed my arm and snapped.

“What now all of a sudden you don’t care about him anymore? You’d always call him your brother ape now you’re acting like you don’t even know him!”

“Because I’ve learned to accept what he wanted. Something that you clearly can’t seem to grasp, and I don’t just mean for Caesar.” He let go of my arm and said.

“You got to be with your grandfather longer than you would’ve…”

“And then his disease came back! Ten times worse than it was before! You didn’t think that would happen!?”

“It’s not my fault that you turned your back for one second for him to get into Hunsiker’s car allowing Caesar to be taken away from us!” silence immediately rang through my room.

My fists clenched so tightly that my knuckles turned white and my nails dug deep into my palms.  I shook with rage as uncle Will suddenly realize what he had said.

“Lin, I—”

“No! No this is great! It’s great that you finally spoke the truth after all this time! I’m happy to know that Caesar being taken away was all my fault! So I’m sorry if I made things harder on you but in less than a month from now you…won’t even have to deal with me!” I stormed out of my room as well as out of the house.

I didn’t even bother grabbing my bike, I just ran as fast and as hard as I could down the street.  I don’t know where I ended up and I didn’t care, all I knew was that I couldn’t stay in that house.

[lovergirllane]

Cowboy Lovin’ (J.M)

Warning(s); Smut!, Piv sex!, Daddy kink,age gap,Joel is in his 40’s reader’s in her early 20’s,make out session,mention of weed, use of drugs (weed),Oral (R Receiving), semi public sex,outdoor sex.

Pairing(s); Neighbor!Joel Miller x Afab!Fem!Reader.

Summary; you’re home for the summer.

A/n; this is the longest thing I’ve written in a hot minute, pls enjoy and if you like this pls check out some of my old works on @bellaramseysgf & @billyslittledolly <3

You had missed your smaller home town however you didn’t regret choosing a out of state college. The small town had no place for your career path,the small town had less than 1000 people inside its barrier.

Though you couldn’t truly admit it you missed your neighbor the most. He was everything a small town cowboy would be. Polite,kind, a honest sweetheart but stand off-ish at first. His daughter was friends with your younger sibling causing him to be there most days.

You smiled to yourself seeing his truck parked in your driveway as you pulled up to your house. You hadn’t brought much from school just the necessity’s.

You had walked inside and were bombarded by your younger sibling smiling as you hugged them tightly. “How you been looser?” You asked and they began rambling on about what they’d done while you were gone.

Your parents came to hug you next before you finally locked eyes with Joel. You felt your whole body heat up after catching his gaze.

You and Joel had a rather….complicated relationship. After his wife left when you were freshly 18 the man took over your life. You don’t even truly know what turned inside you but you jumped on him every chance you got. Joel was more than happy to oblige.

You hadn’t seen him since you left 5 months ago. He looked different but the same, he had scruff and part of a beard growing on his face. He looked to be stronger and more fit, he also had cut his hair.

You broke the stare before anyone could notice mumbling a quick hello to him and his daughter both.

It was later in the evening when you were finally getting a chance to unpack that there was a knock on your door. You turned to see Joel in your doorway leaning against the frame.

“Hey kiddo” he spoke and you sighed when his voice still made your hair stand up in the best possible way. “Your dad said you were looking for a job this summer” he added and you nodded as you sat your make up onto your vanity.

“I need some help around the Ranch if you’re interested”

He had another daughter now. Why did he need any help?

“Joel, Don’t you have Ellie now? Why do you need my help?” You asked as you continued to unpack your vanity. “It’s not a need…more of a want..” he said and you shrugged in response.

You tried to not let you excitement show as you turned to look at him “sure, easy money for me” you said like you didn’t have a care in the world. “Mmm, Perfect be there tomorrow at 9” he said and you nodded.

You already knew that you weren’t gonna be helping with anything around the ranch what so ever.

The next morning you were up,dressed, and out of the house before 8 knowing that if you got there early you’d get even more time with him and boy were you right.

“That’s it, good girl” he praised as you took his cock all the way into the back of your throat. You were on your knees in front of him his back pressed to his bedroom door. He had both hands settled on your head as he choked out moans.

“Fuck, yes- so good!” You knew by his constant babbling that he was close and sure enough with a couple more moves of your head he was releasing down your throat with a groan.

That’s how your days started, most days with you pleasuring him, he would always return the favor of course and fuck you brainless.

You and Ellie had unexpectedly become close mainly off the fact you both smoked, late at night when she thought her dad was asleep she’d come over and share a joint with you.

It was late one night and you and her were giggling about Joel falling off his horse earlier in the day. “I know! He just hit the ground like a sack of potatoes!” She laughed as she blew smoke out and handed you the smoking paper.

“Yes! That horse was like ‘that’s enough’” you replied urging another fit of laughter before you inhaled the smoke. The joint got passed a few more times before the pair of you heard your worst nightmare.

“Ellie Miller!” You both cringed when you heard Joel’s voice from behind the pair of you. “We’ve been caught! Run!” You exclaimed and the pair of you really had every intention to but neither of you did. Instead, you both just let out another round of giggling.

“Ellie! Home! Now!” He commanded and she let out a huff followed by “yeah yeah” as she walked past him and through your house. “Just what kind of influence are you having on my 17 year old daughter?” He asked and you shrugged snuffing the joint out in the tray.

“A fun one?” You offered but were met with a stern look and rolled your eyes “it’s just a little fun okay? She’s fine it’s not like it can hurt her” Joel let out a sigh “how can you be this reckless! This could ruin her life!” “Oh my god, grow up Joel. You’re fucking your neighbors daughter who’s half your age, that could ruin her life. Not some measly drug” you let out a huff once you were done and stood up.

“It’s a little weed, Chill” you shoved past him and he grabbed your arm before you were met with his lips on yours. It was quickly heated and turned into him slamming you against the side of your house as his tongue ran over yours.

His hands dropped to hike up the dress you were wearing,he spun you around with force making you use your hands to catch yourself. Your dress was pushed up feeling the soft material fall around your waist made you squeeze your thighs together.

It was even more exciting that your parents were right on the other side of this wall you heard the clanking of his belt and soon enough you were filled with his cock.

You let out a quiet gasp as he entered until he was settled at his base inside you, he let out a sigh in return before he began thrusting in and out at a steady pace.

The hot night air was soon filled with moans from the both of you as he worked you both closer to your release

Everything felt way more intense now that your high was finally in full blast your head felt floaty and you let out a sigh, leaning to set your head on his chest. “You feeling it?” He asked and you let out a weak moan in response.

“I know baby, I know.” He said as his hand stroked over your stomach “must feel so good” you let out a squeal when he thrusted harder and hit a sensitive spot you didn’t know you had. “Daddy!” You moaned. “Shh shhh, daddy’s here. Gotta stay quiet baby” he whispered.

He shifted and wrapped his arms tightly around your waist before he let out a few grunts and began to fuck into you faster. You let out as quite of moans as you could as he slammed into you each thrust knocking another “daddy!” From your throat.

You were nearing your end and he was too, a few more thrusts and you were both sent flying over the edge as he mumbled sweet praises into your ear over and over until you were both settled.

It took you awhile the waves still making your body tremble for a while as he gently rubbed your stomach mumbling about how good you were.

“Now, is that attitude of yours fixed?” He asked and you let out a sigh as you nodded sleepily. “Good girl, let’s get you cleaned up and tucked in bed.”

[nicoline1998enilocin]

Special treatment

PAIRING | Steve Rogers x Female!Reader

WORD COUNT | 3.1K

SUMMARY | After being retired for 5 years, Steve asks you to join the Avengers on a mission. You ask him not to give you any special treatment, but he feels very protective over you and can't help but keep an eye on you throughout the whole mission.

WARNING(S) | This is your official trigger warning, do not proceed if any of these topics upset you. Mention of kidnapping, mention of miscarriages, mentions of rape resulting in an unwanted pregnancy.

Likes and reblogs will be very much appreciated 💜

Main Masterlist | Steve Rogers Masterlist

''I don't know, Steve, there's a reason I've been retired for 5 years. You do remember I retired, right?'' you ask him with a scowl. ''Yeah, of course, I remember, it's not the same without you in the Compound,'' he says with a slight blush on his face. He has never quite gotten over the crush he has on you, even after you moved on from your role as an Avenger. ''But I think it's really for the best if you return for this one mission, we could use your help, Sunshine.'' You shook your head because you weren't sure if you were ready to go back into it like this. You never fully recovered from the incident that pushed you to leave. Besides, you had someone else to think about now too.

While Steve talks on, you can't help but think about the events leading up to your retirement, and why you left everyone without so much as a goodbye. You were captured by HYDRA during a mission and held captive for nearly 6 months without being able to leave your room. Due to your super soldier genes - you were born as one, unlike Bucky and Steve - they tried to breed you until they figured out a way to get more super soldiers this way. The first few months were very unsuccessful, eventually leading to a miscarriage each time. This broke you physically, mentally, and emotionally, but you kept going, fighting until they could find you, and they did. After almost 6 months, the Avengers found you, and Steve was there to save you.

It turns out that during the last insemination they did, they were indeed successful in breeding you. At that point, you were 6 weeks pregnant with your daughter, who you decided to keep even though the pregnancy wasn't wanted. You couldn't get yourself to get an abortion and wanted to give your baby a fair chance at a beautiful life. Now, your daughter was almost 5 years old, and she was the absolute best thing that has ever happened to you. However, the Avengers never even knew you were pregnant, except for Tony. He is the only one besides you who knows about her existence. He was both happy and sad at the same time, but he promised to take care of both of you for as long as necessary, and he never wavered from that promise.

''Can I think about it before I give you an answer?'' you ask him, you need to discuss this before you say yes, even though you kind of want to. ''Of course Sunshine, but we need an answer soon so you can be briefed with the rest of the Avengers. They would love to see you again too, by the way, they all miss you,'' he said in a last effort to convince you to do it. ''I'll let you know tomorrow,'' you said with a little smirk on your face. You and Steve catch up a little more before you have to go, you have to pick up your daughter from school. ''It was really good to see you again, Steve. I'll let you know tomorrow about the mission,'' you say before giving him a big hug, he squeezes you a little before letting go. ''Alright, take care Sunshine,'' he says before you get into your car and drive off.

When you're waiting for your daughter to get out of school, you decide to text Tony. You need to talk it over with someone, and he seems to be the best option right now, none of your other friends would likely understand what you're going through.

Y/N: Hi Tony, dinner at my place tonight? Need to discuss something. Also, Willow misses you and wants to see her favorite uncle!

Tony: I miss my little Willow tree as well, so I'll be there. I'll bring take-out and wine at 7.

You smile at your phone, and before you can answer him, she comes running out of school. ''Hi Willow, how was your day today? Did you have lots of fun?'' you ask her and she runs into your arms for a hug. ''Yeah, we did some math today and it was VERY hard!'' she said with a scowl on her face, which made you laugh. ''I get it, I don't like it either. Shall we go home? Uncle Tony is coming over tonight so we have to make sure the house is ready!'' As soon as you mentioned, Tony, she ran off to your car, she couldn't wait to see him, the two of them honestly have the best bond together. ''Is Uncle Tony coming for dinner?'' she asks and you nod. ''I have to make him a surprise,'' she said when she sat down in the car seat, already talking about what drawing she will make for him.

~ That same evening ~

Like clockwork, Tony rang your doorbell at exactly 7 PM, making you jump a little because you didn't know it was already time. You were wearing a simple outfit that was nice enough to welcome guests in, but not too nice since you would be lounging around the house anyways. Willow ran to the door to greet him, she's been impatiently waiting on the couch for the last 15 minutes and sprinted to the door. ''UNCLE TONY!'' she said before jumping into his arms, he put the bags of take-out on the floor before he rang the doorbell, already suspecting this would happen. ''Hey little Willow tree, how was school today?'' he said, and he blushed a little when she planted a big kiss on his cheek. ''It was not good, had to learn very difficult math today and it was no fun,'' she explained, making him laugh.

She finally let him in the door and you were getting 2 wine glasses ready as well as a cup of apple juice for Willow. ''Hi Sunshine,'' Tony said when entered the dining room, which was connected to the open kitchen. ''Hey Tony, thanks for coming over at such short notice, I hope Pepper didn't mind,'' you said with a small smile on your face. ''She's out with her girlfriends tonight, so I had the house all to myself anyways. At least now I have something fun to do!'' he said and he put the bags down. You walked over to him and wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him in for a much-needed hug. ''I missed you,'' you tell him, ''I really need to discuss something,''. All three of you sit down and discuss what Steve asked this afternoon.

''I think you should do it, Sunshine, I do,'' he says when you're done talking. ''Not only might it be good for you to get out of the house to do something other than your usual routine, I think it would be good for you to see everyone again, we all miss you,'' he says, a little bit of sadness visible in his eyes. ''And we could use your help during this mission, Steve wouldn't shut up about him going to ask you for the past few days, it was getting unbearable at this point,'' he mentioned which made both of you laugh loud. ''Okay, I'll do it, thank you for the advice,'' you said before lifting your glass of wine to your mouth, thinking about what it would be like to get back into the field.

~ The next day ~

Y/N: Good morning Captain, I've thought about it and made some arrangements, so I'll be coming on the mission. When do you need me to be at the Compound?

Steve: Good morning Sunshine! The briefing is at 2 this afternoon. See you then!

Y/N: I'll be there, and I'll bring pastries to make sure they'll welcome me back with open arms 😉

Steve: We will always welcome you back Sunshine, no matter what ❤️

You smile at the last text Steve sent you, even though you left without saying goodbye, you knew there would always be a place for you at the Avengers when you needed it most. In all honesty, you did miss it, the missions, the fun moments, the whole gang together, but you needed to take care of yourself first. Tony told them that they were shocked and didn't understand it, but they all respected your decision to retire right then and there. ''Gonna miss my Sunshine now,'' Steve said when he heard, and he was heartbroken, but he did stay in touch with you over the years. Even though you didn't see each other often, you always felt happy and safe in his presence.

When it's time for you to get ready for the Compound, you're looking through your wardrobe for an outfit that isn't leggings and a sweater, which is basically what you live in now. You decide on a casual outfit with Chelsea boots, ripped jeans, a beige shirt, a green cardigan, and a brown hat that matches your shoes. You put it on and instantly feel like your old self again, you haven't felt like this in a long time. You grab your purse and phone and walk to the bakery near your house to get the promised pastries. You pick up quite a variety, ending up with 4 boxes of pastries that will be without a doubt devoured before the end of the meeting. You put them in your car and make your way to the Compound, Steve made sure you could enter without a problem.

You arrive 30 minutes early, so you immediately go to the conference room to put the pastries down for now. Since there's nobody there yet you decide to see if Tony is in his office. You knock on the door and he orders you to come in. ''Are you always that grumpy to your best Avenger?'' you say with a huge smile, and when he lifts his eyes to you, his whole posture and face immediately soften. ''Sunshine, what a nice surprise! You look stunning today, what's the occasion?'' he says with a wink. ''Oh, just wanted to look good for my pastry delivery is all,'' you said with a chuckle. ''I was here earlier than planned so I decided to come by your office and see if you wanted to come down to the conference room with me, have first dibs on the pastries,'' you said and he agreed.

You make your way back down to the conference room and no one's there yet to your surprise, so you just sit down and chat with Tony a little bit. Around 1:50 PM more Avengers are coming into the room, all of them very surprised at your attendance for this briefing. You give all of them a big hug and tell each of them how much you've missed them over the last few years. When Bucky walks in, your eyes light up immediately and you almost jump into his arms. ''Hi doll,'' he whispers in your ear, before giving a soft kiss behind it. ''Not here!'' you whisper back before giving him a big hug. You and Bucky have been in a friends-with-benefits relationship for around 7 years, and it still works out great for both of you, even though you don't see each other as often as you'd like.

The last one to enter the room is Steve, the person who asked you to join the mission. ''Hey Sunshine, you look gorgeous today,'' he says before pulling you in for a hug, which you happily give back to him. ''Thank you again for doing this,'' he said with your face in his hands. ''Of course, I'm glad I can help,''. you say before sitting down, and Steve starts the briefing. ''So, as you all have noticed, Y/N is here with a special reason. I've asked her to join us on this mission, because we could use her help, it's going to be a difficult one this time,'' he said before explaining the whole mission to everyone. When the briefing is over you quickly walk out of the conference room followed by Bucky, seeing how the briefing was shorter than intended. Steve wanted to tell you something, but you were gone before he had the chance.

~ During the mission ~

''Please, be careful Y/N!'' Steve said in your earpiece, making you roll your eyes. ''Steve, how many times do you need me to tell you I didn't want any special treatment? I can take care of myself! Now please be silent, otherwise, you don't have a sniper on this roof anymore,'' you sneer at him. You told him you didn't want any special treatment, you're the best sniper the Avengers ever had, and being a former assassin also worked heavily in your favor during this one. ''Sorry...'' he said with a soft voice, making Bucky chuckle next to you. ''It's unbelievable, even after all these years he's still overly protective over you,'' he said, never losing focus on the target. ''It's sweet, but it can be a bit much sometimes,'' you say with a sigh.

The mission was successful, and you were happy to be back on the quinjet so you could get out of your tactical gear. You were done sooner than expected so you let Pepper know that you would pick up Willow from school yourself. ''Why are you changing now, Sunshine, there's more than enough time to do it back at the Compound,'' Steve asked. You didn't quite hear who it was, so you just said ''I have to pick up Willow from school,'' and suddenly you heard multiple gasps behind you. ''Who's Willow?'' Steve asked curious. ''I-, uh... Well, it's a bit of a long story, but she's my daughter. She's almost 5 now, and the reason I retired without saying goodbye,'' you said with a deep crimson color on your face. ''When I was captured, HYDRA agents raped me and impregnated me to breed more super soldiers like me, and that is why I have a beautiful daughter named Willow now,'' you explained.

''HYDRA doesn't know about her existence, Tony made sure that all the evidence about her was wiped from their systems. He's also the only one who knew about her existence, as well as the fact that I retired to give her a beautiful life,'' you say with a combination of sadness, heartbreak, and proudness at the same time. ''I've practically raised her alone these last few years, but Tony helps out financially, after that mission it was hard for me to get out of the house and get a job, so thanks to him I am a stay-at-home-mom now,'' you say with a smile, thinking about Willow and everything that led to this point. ''I didn't know, I'm so sorry that happened to you,'' Steve said with tears in his eyes, pulling you in for a tight hug. ''It's okay Captain, I've been dealing with this for the last few years and have accepted that it happened, I can live without any regrets now. And honestly, it was kind of nice to get back into the field with all of you again,'' you say with a smile on your face.

~ 2 weeks later ~

Willow's school was closed for the day due to really bad weather, so you asked Steve if you could bring her by the Compound to meet all of the Avengers. Ever since you told them you have a daughter, they have all been dying to meet her. ''Are you ready to go meet some more of mine and Uncle Tony's friends?'' you ask her and she happily nods. She was wearing a brightly colored dress with her sparkling rain boots, which she wanted to show off to everyone. ''Alright, let's go then,'' you say and you walk her to your car and strap her in the car seat. It is about a 45-minute drive to the Compound and you're glad Willow fell asleep for a quick nap, so she would have more energy when meeting all of the Avengers. When you arrived she was still asleep, but you got her out anyways, she kept sleeping in your arms.

You entered the Compound with Willow in your arms, walking to the elevator. When the ding of the elevator sounded, she woke up and was a bit confused about where she was, but quickly remembered where you were going. ''Welcome back, baby, you fell asleep! Are you feeling better now?'' you ask before moving some curls out of her face, she happily nodded. When the elevator reached the floor where the living room was, you got out, excited to see everyone. You wore heels today so everyone heard you walking towards them. ''Hi everyone!'' you said and waved at them, not being able to give hugs with Willow in your arms. ''Hi...'' Willow said with a soft, shy voice, and it made you chuckle. ''Everyone, this is Willow, my beautiful daughter,'' you said with a proud look on your face.

Everyone came up to you and Willow and introduced themselves, and just like you, she took an immediate liking to two certain super soldiers. Bucky almost melted at how cute she is, making you wonder what happened to him. ''Are you okay, Buck?'' you say chuckling, and all he can do is nod and adore your daughter. When it is time to see Steve, she immediately stretches out her arms to be held by him, and you let her. ''Hi, I'm Steve! It's nice to meet you, Willow,'' he said. ''No, you're Captain America!'' she said and it made everyone laugh uncontrollably. ''You're completely right, I AM Captain America, but my real name is Steve,'' he explained to her, she listened intently to every word he said.

When she said hello to everyone and got settled a little, you sat down on the couch to talk with everyone, telling them all about Willow and how she was growing up. They couldn't get enough of her, and by the time it was dinner time, she was exhausted and fell asleep on your lap. ''Do you want to stay for dinner?'' Steve asked, and you happily agreed, you missed the family dinners with all of them, and now that Willow was there too, it was perfect. When it was finally time to go home, Steve walked you out. ''I'm glad to have met her, she's just like you,'' he said, softly brushing her cheek. You put her in your car seat and gave Steve a big hug. ''Thank you so much for inviting me to the mission, and showing me what I missed out on,'' you say and kiss him on his cheek, making him turn deep red. ''Still not over your crush, I see,'' you tease him, leaving him behind with a pair of wide eyes and confused about how you know about his crush. You stepped into your car and drove home, waving at him and thinking back to the amazing day you both had.