#also to me he's gay in theory but not in practice. aro + gay?

[vvellerr]

DO *NOT* ATTEMPT THE MOUNT MASSIVE 3:AM CHALLENGE ‼‼ (TOTALLY REAL) (NOT FAKE) (I DIED????)

[colorisbyshe]

(1/2) I know you said no discourse, but this is something that I feel hasn’t been discussed at all, so it might provide a new perspective? I am a late, late bloomer, meaning that I am almost 30 and I’ve never gone beyond 2nd base lol and I wish I had a dollar for every single freak that tried to force the asexual label on me.

(2/2) I haven’t explored my sexuality (my gay, GAY sexuality) like I want to because of debilitating trauma and mental illness, not because I don’t have a libido. Yet these idiots are constantly on the prowl to convert people like they’re Jehova’s Witnesses. It pisses me off. Ace discourse ruined useful discussions about sexuality.

Okay, I’m gonna be annoying for a second and make this about the anime I just watched.

Samurai Flamenco has a gay lead and a bisexual loe interest. Spoilers for a 5+ year old anime but it ends in a gay proposal but they never kiss or have sex and they are both explicitly virgins despite being 20 and 24 years old. The tag for this show is full of ace and aro headcanons for them. Because these men aren’t openly sexual and they need time to figure their own feelings out, they must be ace or demiromantic.

The main character is 20 and is just learning what love but that’s because he’s demiromantic, not because... he’s a kid? And kids take a while to learn what love is.

And this has happened with almost every canon LGBT character I have ever seen. There is an article, still up to this day, calling Chiron from Moonlight asexual and saying reception to this film GAYWASHED him. Not even a tumblr post but an actual published article, with a professional editors note as an apology for using the term gaywashing.

I’m bringing these things up because I think headcanons and commentary on gay characters is a fairly decent scope to view people’s real views of LGBT people. And the real view is: LGBT people are sex obsessed and promiscuous as default (even LGBT children and teens) and to deviate from that requires a modifying term. It needs to be clarified through the lens of asexuality or aromanticism.

While it is pretty common knowledge that lots of LGBT people are late bloomers—you spend more time figuring yourself out, there’s often more trauma or internalized stuff to work through, and it’s just... harder for find a partner if you’re the only gay person you know—there is an excess of “If you are older then your mid teens and still a virgin or haven’t dated yet, you must be ace/aro.”

Because LGBT people are horny to them and there’s no reason good enough for LGBT people to NOT be horny unless there’s a mitigating factor like asexuality. It’s almost like they want LGBT people to be ace or aro because it purifies our desire and makes us palatable. We are more relatable if we are sexless and loveless.

Instead of having robust and diverse personal journeys with sex and love, that often mean going sexless and loveless for long stretches of time (as many humans do!), we are given the options of “sex crazed and other” and “ace and just like me.”

I really do think eagerness to label people ace and aro often is just incompatible with open LGBT and even feminist discussions of sex, love, self love, trauma, and other complicated factors. The hostility towards sexual disorders (which do exist and aren’t aphobic), the immediate need to suggest internalized homophobia is asexuality, the fact that they’ll pay lip service to “Yeah, we’re okay with labels being fluid, lots of ace-labeled people might realize they aren’t ace” and then get mad at the suggestion that some people aren’t ace, they’re just on anti depressants... they’ve flattened how human sexuality works in a way that makes productive conversation impossible and it’s just downhill from there for LGBT people.

I’ll say again: I have no issue with asexuality and aromanticism as labels in theory or even offering them up to people struggling but in practice there are so many bad actors or just poor understandings of how sexuality works, especially when other factors are included, that I just side eye the entire affair. They can’t even handle LGBT people + sexuality, let alone how complicated things get when you include race, gender, class, and other identities into how you view and approach sex and attraction.

I just don’t trust like that at this point. We are better off reiterating, “It’s okay to never want sex or romance and to have those boundaries respected but it’s also okay to analyze why you don’t want those things. It’s okay for your attitude to change, too.” That trumps every piece of rhetoric aces have ever propagated.

[arofili]

For the character ask: all the children of Finarfin

How I feel about this character:

Finrod: charming slutty blond twink with a heart of gold. maybe that’s too much fanon and not enough canon but you can tear that characterization from my cold dead hands tbh. like yes this is King “I Killed A Werewolf With Nothing But My Teeth And The Power Of Love” but he’s also Prince “I Rap Battled With Sauron And Lost” and Lord “I Befriended Men and Dwarves Before It Was Cool”

Angrod: of all his siblings i think he’s the most… Angry Boy. he has a temper, but he’s also married with a kid (I subscribe to the Orodreth Angrodion version of canon). i think he’s the ‘oh my god why can’t any of you be NORMAL’ brother. BOTH his mother name and his father name are derived from the word for ‘iron’ - he’s got an iron personality, very strong-willed and stubborn. i also hc that he’s the only arafinwean who has Earwen’s silver hair.

Aegnor: a hopeless romantic. the dreamiest arafinwion (and that’s including artanis!). very particular about his hair (which is a WILD canon detail that i love sjdfhdk) but also has terrible fashion. his head’s always in the clouds, he’s a daydreamer, but he’s also incredibly loyal and a really good friend. he almost always listens to his heart over his head - and the fact that he and andreth never marry is the One Time he listened to logic over emotion, and that haunts him forever.

Galadriel: almost as much of a genius as Feanor and almost as humble about it, which is to say, not at all. she’s proud and stubborn and full of herself, especially in her youth - she’s also gorgeous and smart and right a lot of the time, which doesn’t help her ego. by the time she’s become Lady of Lothlorien she’s been through a lot and is much more humble and wise, but i think that comes not just from her experiences but also from being married to Celeborn the Wise. i think he balances her out very well tbh. (my favorite Galadriel characterization EVER is from this fic by @nerdanelparmandil, check it out!!)

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Finrod: I ship Finrod with anything that moves tbh….. I see him as super super gay, he and Amarie were mutual beards which is why she didn’t follow him to Endore. i am a Known Slut for Finrod/Turgon in particular, they’re kind of endgame for me, but also @raisingcain-onceagain​ has converted me to Finrod/Edrahil!! And while the Nargothrond Disaster Trio are in no way shape or form HEALTHY, i really really enjoy Celegorm/Curufin/Finrod content, that dynamic is delicious. i can also get down on Maedhros/Fingon/Finrod, though not really in a serious way. PLUS Finrod/Beor is very good, as is Finrod/Barahir and Finrod/Beren(/Luthien if we’re feeling spicy), and you KNOW he got busy with some dwarves! I just think he’s very free with his feelings and desires, especially after coming to Beleriand, and he takes full advantage of his freedom and position of authority to get what he wants. (not necessarily in a weird power dynamics way, though he’s into that kind of kinky shit too probably, i mean more in ‘it’s my kingdom i get to make the rules and i say No Homophobia and No Slutshaming’) - and I’m super happy to multiship with Finrod, there are verses where he’s fucking everyone and verses where he’s pining over Turgon and verses where he never even thinks about anyone other than Edrahil and etc etc etc. there’s probably even verses where he and Sauron get up to some funky shit!

Angrod: I don’t have a lot of headcanons about him and Eldalote. She has a Sindarin name, so maybe she came with him to Middle-earth - or maybe not, and he just missed her so much that he wouldn’t shut up about her and so her name was Sindarized to Edhellos. Either way I think they had a very strong relationship that ended in tragedy one way or another. I’ve also seen some fun Angrod/Caranthir enemies-to-lovers stuff, which I can get into, but I think Caranthir is aro so it’s not really my main hc.

Aegnor: i mean how can you NOT ship him and Andreth??? that relationship is just….so tragic and heartbreaking and beautiful. I like the theory that Gil-galad was their child, and he was given to Orodreth to raise because Andreth couldn’t care for an elfling and Aegnor couldn’t publicly claim a son out of wedlock. But also verses where they are just tragically pining after one another are beautiful in their own way. My headcanon is that the thing keeping them apart was less about the war going on and more about Aegnor fearing to lose her - but then he actually dies before her, and Andreth has to live with that pain. (idk if that works out timeline wise but. yeah)

Galadriel: Meladriel is very good and I enjoy that - I’ve also seen some great Galadriel/Luthien and even a Galadriel/Feanor fic I enjoyed. BUT overall i really love that she chose to marry Celeborn, a wise “dark elf” even when she’s completely out of his league - he balances her very well, and I don’t buy depictions of her walking all over him. she cares about him and he’s really good for her!

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Finrod: I ship Finrod/Turgon but also WHAT a great friendship they have!! I love that they go adventuring together :) And Finrod, Maedhros, and Fingon are so fun to imagine growing up together! Plus there’s his relationship with his nephew Orodreth, who he clearly adores, and also the fact that he’s still buddies with the Feanorians even after the first kinslaying (at Alqualonde! his home! where his mom is from!) and he’s so excited to meet new people from the Sindar to the Edain to the Dwarves. Finrod’s just EVERYONE’S friend and i appreciate that!!

Angrod: ….what if he and Caranthir used to be really close, like they are similar ages and grew up together, but then Something Happened and they started hating each other later on. that would be Very fun. also, he and Aegnor were lords together over the same land and died together, which implies they were very close - close like Celegorm and Curufin!

Aegnor: Again, he and Angrod were Best Bros which is great. I also think he’s probably beloved by Andreth’s people, he’s just this huge elf man they all kind of adopted and he’s so honored that they love him so much!

Galadriel: Melian!! obviously!! she stayed in Doriath specifically to learn from her, which is super neat. and then Gandalf in the later ages, i love whatever they have going on in the movies especially. i also think she and Celebrimbor had a weird rival-friendship i the second age, they’re both geniuses but from opposite sides of the family feud…except the family feud has killed pretty much everyone BUT them, so they come together to mourn that.

My unpopular opinion about this character

(this turned into more of ‘what are their negative personality traits’ than ‘unpopular opinions’ but whatever…)

Finrod: i’m sure he did his best but….when he was king of nargothrond he was still gallivanting all over the place. orodreth was probably More In Charge from before he was officially king…

Angrod: he’s a grade-A asshole. just a dick. mean as shit and holds grudges forever. really annoying to be around.

Aegnor: a dumbass. always listens to his heart and gets in trouble for it, until the one time he listens to his head and regrets it forever.

Galadriel: would make an EXCELLENT villain. ‘all shall love me and despair’ ? come on yall. if it had been HER versus sauron instead of Finrod (and…considering she was probably friends with Luthien, it very well could have been) i think she may have won, and im just imagining Sauron working for her, and the second and third ages going very differently with her being a Queen who everyone loves until they look back and realize she’s been corrupted and turned evil.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

so i think canon did mostly a good job with them SO some of these are some AUs!!!

Finrod: …if he had managed to convince Celegorm and Curufin to help with the Silmaril quest–the war could have ended before the Nirnaeth, maybe. or at least gone very differently.

Angrod: im gonna physically fight tolkien over giving us practically NOTHING on the wives of various characters - tell me more about Eldalote you coward!!!!

Aegnor: JUST MARRY ANDRETH PLEASE. i’m a slut for interspecies relationships and the fact that this one is male elf/female human is SO good and frankly unprecedented in Tolkien’s works. PLEASE i need more!!!

Galadriel: FUCK that evil!Artanis AU would be REALLY cool and sexy, wouldn’t it?

[ashton-slashton]

no hate here jus curious but how can u be gay polyam and aro/ace when u don’t experience sexual or romantic attraction :/

Okay so ngl, when I get an ask like this (which I haven't in a while because I have anon turned off), my immediate instinct is just

So I searched your blog and found that there didn't seem to be anything aphobic on there (but also like literally nothing about ace/aro people at all despite all the other pride stuff), so I'm... giving you the benefit of the doubt and trusting that you genuinely are curious (though that slanty face is making my fight or flight response go off).

I'll preface this by also adding: I haven't really gone into the details of my sexuality except with close friends and my partner. But since you asked, here it is.

The short version is: idfk man, attraction and sexuality (especially in relation to my gender) is weird and I just kinda throw the words together that I feel suit me best.

The long version, which I pray to God you actually read, is: Just like many other things, sexual/romantic attraction is on a spectrum and can oftentimes be a complex, nebulous thing. It isn't always as simple as "I'm gay" & "I'm straight" and so on and so forth.

I do not experience sexual attraction irl. In theory, it seems great! I do actually have a libido (I kinda wish I didn't tbh but c'est la vie). But in practice, in my experience (which is BY NO MEANS UNIVERSAL), both sexual attraction and the act of having sex just... isn't for me. The second I'm in a position where sex is a possible outcome, I fuckin' bounce. Can't do it. Any attraction I may have had just yeets the fuck out.

I do not experience romantic attraction. But my repulsion of it is no where NEAR as bad as my sex repulsion. In fact, it's almost like the aromantic equivalent of being sex-positive.

I experience platonic and aesthetic attraction, buuuut the catch is that I mostly experience that with guys or masc-leaning nb folks. I myself am transmasc/agender (really heavily masc-leaning nb). So hence the gay part. It feels more succinct than having to explain what I just explained. This is not to say that gals are off limits, but like. My attraction to women irl is usually so slim that it's negligible.

And now for the polyam thing. I am currently in a relationship. My partner has the same orientation that I do (except he id's as bi aro ace). We share a close intimate bond that can't really be described with romance or sexual attraction, but it is not lesser than any of those things. We describe our relationship as queerplatonic. We hope to get married one day. He is also polyam. We both, at some point in our lives, would like an addition to us. We feel like that would be very good for us, and we just have... so much love in us to restrict it to just each other. It's not a necessity for US to be in a relationship. If we never find that third person, it won't be the end of the world, or our relationship for that matter. But it's still an important part of our identity.

So yeah. That's about the best way I can verbalize all of this. I don't really think I missed anything. Me saying I'm gay aro ace and polyam outright is more succinct than going into a whole lecture about the complexities of my orientation and attraction, as well as semantics. The only way I can be more succinct is to say that I'm queer, but that's met with a lot of hostility on this sad excuse for a website.

I apologize if I seem cold, but please be willing to understand that usually when I'm sent stuff like this, there's an underlying malice. There's a reason why I turned anon off a long time ago (including but not limited to death/rape threats exclusive to my orientation/gender and antisemitism).

I am wary, but I hold no ill-will towards you, so long as you don't hold any towards me.

[kendrixtermina]

About “Sherlock”

The thing to understand is: This was always a show about meta, mindgames and emotional detachment as it plays out in characters; Not a show about LGBTQIA themes or even a detective story. 

Detective stories are mass-produced all the time, there’s not really new ground there; Maybe in the beginning the show could have steered that way but the writers saw from the begining that the true gold that people were comming for are the characters. 

The references (John being mistaken for gay etc.) were just part of the meta, self-aware part of the show - A meta commentary on fandom and shipping. It’s there; So they reacted to it. That’s not “baiting” -  In fact, Moff & co always clearly said they wouldn’t do it, even though they otherwise don’t answer plot questions. They did not play with anyone’s expectations, and did not continue the thing beyond the few episodes that were kinda about fandom reaction. 

Gatiss himself is gay, for christs sake.

This is not about Shipping - I’m mostly indifferent about ships I don’t ship unless it ties into my dislike one of the characters; I understand how even the oddest ships can have cathartic value; Heck, in fact, I don’t mind Johnlock itself at all. 

But what kinda pisses me off is how everyone is giving this show shit because it didn’t do ONE THING people wanted; It’s like because it didn’t do that thing, no one is listening to any part of it anymore and everything gets distorted to fit the narratives of either johnlock or “mofftiss are evil”. 

The latest finale came in and everyone is talking about something that has basically nothing to do with the show itself. 

It’s not like they would be good representation anyway, and that goes for both the aroace and gay options.  Just think. 

I mean, what are the stereotypes you want to get away from?

Gay peeps want to see themselves in wholesome rounded happy endings rather than being seen as edgy, overly sexual or negative; John & Sherlock are pretty ugly & manipulative toward each other at times its a very “edgy” combo

Aroace peeps often complains about being accused of being emotionally repressed, inhuman, miserable, defective or misanthropic ...Sherlock is ALL of those things and would turn from an intriguing, flawed character to a harmful walking stereotype. 

Far be it from me as an outsider to tell you guys what good representation for you would be, but, I imagine it would be haracters more like the RL aroace people I’ve heard about, like, say, a kindly sweet assistant teacher who loves to work with children & does theater acting in her free time. 

In the end, the whole premise of the show is that it’s centered on all these characters who are unusual in their thinking and kind of twisted. It’s a dark show, not a happy message about love & acceptance. 

That’s why we have a pair of thrill seekers who are still kind of friends, instead of a happy couple, and  a sorta repressed man who renounces carnal desires rather than an aro/ace person -  If he’s aro/ace, he’s not the one with the problem, society is, and that’s a whole different plot. A plot thats also interesting valid & worth telling, but simply not the one being told here.

Which is probably the point... it’s not like I understand why ppl get their hopes up. If anything it’s been disheartening to see the gay theory and aroace theory people tearing into each other

 There’s one phrase Tori Amos used that sums it up quite well... “There’s too many stars and not enough sky”, she used it to referr to women competing & bashing each other in a world where they’re all disempowered but I believe it can be applied to many contexts. (The Urban vs the Rural poor etc. )

There are many stories worth telling. There are many of those that aren’t being told enough; But a given fictional work, especially a very mainsteamey one like television, can only tell one given story at once. Telling a different story is not the same as spitting in yours. 

It’s not like there’s any erasure going on here; The original Sherlock holmes can be interpreted in many ways and will probably continue to be in many future interpretations, like, gay or aroace renditions are sure bound to happen, but when the original was written, the character was clearly made the way he was because he’s supposed to be intellectually detached irrespesctive of whatever his orientation is or isn’t; As we spent a lot of time explaining to peeps orientation is not tied to personality traits.  His disinterest in the ladies is just another subset of that - it’s not like he has many platonic  friends (except Watson) either. 

That’s something that also exists, just like being repressed, being busy because of one’s job or being aroace; All these things exist without making the others any less real.

Heck, as a person who tends to be socially awkward, intellectually detached and in my head a lot  and has had trouble keeping and mantaining relationships  because of that & balancing how needs for solitude and peopling are practically inverse from most, I find this whole thing rather disheartening. Like, I find myself insecure about wether I can do this right & how to people  and then I’m told that if I am this way and still want a boyriend, or take joy in seeing or phantasizing about people like myself suceed at that despite those limitations, it’s insulting to you??? 

The problem is not that there are shows like Sherlock but that other possible shows don’t exist. They can coexist. Just like me and my above-mentioned assistant teacher friend.