#also this is my fic hwere

[cosmics-beings]

starscream is in the weird place where he is certainly attracted to carriers, and will take in their sparklings and be with them during their process, but he doesn't want to be called a sire or assume the position of a sire. but obvs whenever he is in a relationship with someone who is a carrier or whatever, they try to push him into that role or make him feel bad for not leaning toward it.

The one carrier to never make him feel that was has been Rodimus. I have so many aus where Rodimus ends up sparked and he kinda gets shunned by a lot of people, and he ends up entering a relationship with Starscream. Starscream is really hesistent because all the carriers he's ever been with have made him feel guilty for not wanting to be their sire, or have tried to force him into that role, but Rodimus doesn't. He really respects Starscream, and Starscream and him end up getting together and Starscream takes care of Rodimus and his sparklings. The sparklings also end up calling starscream their secondary carrier and he and Rodimus are happy.

[avvidstarion]

1, 6, 8, 12, and 17 my hater in arms 💕

The character everyone gets wrong

OKAY this is niche and OUTTA LEFT FIELD but my favorite book of ALL TIME is we have always lived in the castle by shirley jackson and the HATE i see for its protagonist is ALL WRONG. It's in the same vein as like Chara undertale hate (another of my fave characters of all time) where peoples see a CHILD that clearly has a lot going on and are like. this person is irredeemably evil. no they're traumatized

6. Which ship fans are the most annoying?

bloodweave sorry bloodweave like. for why. why is it so popular why is it everywhere. like yeah every origin ship is valid and can be canon but like they both have much more interesting dynamics with other charactes. where is the gale/lae'zel art. hwere is the aslach (ass lack) or the aswylllach (ass will lack) art. why is bloodweave the most popular origin ship

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

okay this doesn't exactly fit bc i dont think it's super popular per se but it's on my mind today. i hate seeing fanart of kakashi and gojo together. people always twinkify them and alwasy draw them like they're about to fuck. 1) kakashi is not hot (dont get me wrong i want to fuck him but not cause he's like. physically attractive.) 2) they are not the same person 3) gojo will never be kakashi gojo wishes he was kakashi 4) kakashi would kill that man

OH OH ALSO THAT REMINDS ME I'LL THROW THIS IN HERE TOO. i don't like kakashi/iruka i think it's unfounded. they hardly ever talk. yeah they both love naruto but like can just be his mentor figures separately they don't have to be married. kakashi is married to guy like they are MARRIED. i feel like kakashi/guy would be way more popular if guy was a prettyboy twink (like iruka)

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

i wanna say wyll but like that shit actually makes me fucking angry and not in a silly haha way so i am going to instead say sera dragonage. now. i know there are a lot of sera dragonage haters out there and there are some things about her that i do not like. however i overall love her and i think she is a tragic case of bad writing and wasted potential. why did they have a straight white guy write a lesbian whose character arc revolves around internalized racism. why does the game literally talk shit about her during her romance arc. literally one of her romance quests is "you love sera and wanna get her something to show her how much you care. go ask your friends for gift advice" and EVERY SINGLE COMPANION OR ADVISOR IS JUST LIKE. I HATE SERA SHES SO ANNOYING WHY ARE YOU DATING HER. UGH. ALSO. the game makes you be so mean to her!! so many times the only dialogue options with her are like "stop talking weird i dont understand you'". also the fact that YOU CAN LITERALLY KICK HER OUT AT ANY TIME??? LIKE NO MATTER WHAT THERE IS ALWAYS A DIALOGUE BUTTON TO KICK HER OUT?? here are reasons why you should like sera:

she is fun trickster! solas fucking wishes he was her.

her subclass is just super fun!! throw jars of bees and fire and shit at your enemies!

she is so genuine and cares so much about what she believes in. i wish that was explored more but as i have said the game literally hates her so.

she loves you so much!!!! she marries you!!!!!!!!!

i actualy really like her voice and the way she talks. shes just fun!

she's autistic <3

17. there should be more types of this fic/art

more people should be drawing gale and halsin and karlach fat, for one. also everyone else in the party but like especially those three. larian the fact that you have zero fat people in your game sucks supremely and you should feel bad about it.

actually draw more characters as fat anyway.

[conscious-naivete]

i’ve been turning over this wisp of a fic idea for whistle that’s like, set in her future and maybe i screw around w timelines or smth (and ignore the canon of that other comic she’s in, bc my library doesn’t have it so i haven’t read it(also HWERE would she find the free time to join a hero team?? she’s got like three major extracurriculars already)), but i want to set it like, ten or so years on and she’s quit vigilantism and running shady games, and hopefully focused on her activism?

and i had the most terrible thought today. bc lebowitz might be superpoweredly linked to willow but she’s still just a dog. and she’s not even a terribly young dog. and what kind of lifechanging event could make willow quit being whistle?

DO i have the guts. to kill the dog? there’s three whole fics in her ao3 tag can u imagine if i added a fourth and killed her dog?? when i was working on my little snowchester fic i literally brought squeeks back to life, what do we think i’m capable of here

[carnation-damnation]

Oh Shit Oh Fuck Here We Go

A man with shoulder-length hair rested a single pale hand on one of the arms of a cross, dug firmly into the ground, a crudely-carved phrase etched into it.

“Despicable creatures, aren't they- Human beings, that is..

I hate them. I hate what they've done. I hate how...quick, they are to judge you. 

I hate that....

That I was one of them, you know?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Would you please stop having dreams in my head?!” A particularly miffed blonde said to his floating companion. “Wh- Oh.”

He'd sure done it this time, hadn't he?

Three nights in a row, similar speech. It was something that you'd expect a centuries-old spirit could stop internalising after a while.

“Like..Jesus...You always have these- these fucked up dreams and then when I ask what's going on with you, you keep your eyes hidden and go 'Oh it's all cool Raimondo!!! I'm just having one of those days!' Would really like an explanation one of these days, Renaicus.” Said spirit wasn't really listening to his tirade, and he was turned away while the grumbling boy was putting on a shirt that was on the floor of his bedroom. Ew. Needs a laundry day...

“Yeah, uh, okay. Sure.”

Soft, yet impatient knocking rapped the door of the blonde's room which made both of the boys turn towards it. The door opened (Why did you knock in the first place...) and Raimondo's freckled, toe-headed sister poked her pretty little head in. “Good lord- You aren’t even dressed yet? I'm not missing the bus again for you, ya know.” The girl left with a slam. She’s not a morning person.

Raimondo, not the type to appreciate being rushed without having a say or ability to give an explanation, only swore to himself while gathering a brush through his long locks about as fast as humanly possible. He didn't even bother zipping up his letterman's jacket as he grabbed his bag and stomped out the door of his bedroom.

Renaicus scoffed to himself. “Jeez..Think the kid could stand to chill out a little.”

The sound of the old, smelly, and garishly-yellow bus pricked Raimondo's ears as soon as he walked out the door, and he couldn't help but let a smile creak through his stoic resting face when his best friend turned around to greet him. “Renae wasn't sure if you were going to ever get up this morning. Said something about a zombie locked in your room, hee hee.” The smile faded and said best friend got a not-so-pleasant noogie.

“Fuck!! Jesus, I'm sorry, man! Her words, not mine!” Raimondo snorted as he dropped the white-haired teen that he held in a headlock. “Did I really deserve a brain blend? Did I really?” The shorter boy undid his now-ruined ponytail, combing it out with his fingers to put it back up.

“How goes it, man? Yer mom doin' okay?” Garret could tell Rai had a tinge of concern in his normally-monotone voice. Enough to make Renae turn around to listen to what the other two were talking about, anyway. “Uh-..Yeah. She's just a bit shaken up, yaknow? It's not everyday you're witness to some... violent assault...” His voice trailed off. “Do they know who attacked them??” Renae's interest was peaked, now. “Nah.. She said that as soon as the dude caught wind he was being watched, he raced off back through the street. The only visual description Ma could get were that he was 'really really tall', and lanky. Like some sorta monster. She estimated wayyyy over six feet.”

“...Sooo, Mothman took a bite into someone's shoulder for his juices?” Garret, vastly uninterested in Raimondo's humour and deathly afraid of bugs, shot him an ugly glare. “Well-- I'm glad she's at least okay.” It wasn't like Raimondo to make light of such a weird and freaky situation, but it was just...One of those things. Inexplicable things that you'd never expect the average person to see. Some freak starts cannibalising another dude in the streets at night and suddenly the whole town gets to talking. He had to make it less freaky somehow. The trio knew it'd only be a matter of time before the town really got suspicious.

That's what they were worried about, at least.

The bus that Raimondo had heard a few blocks away thankfully pulled to the stop sign that the three were standing at, and they all climbed up. Renae shot a friendly wave to the driver as usual, in which the middle-aged woman gave her a warm smile before Renae went to sit. Raimondo didn't waste time-- He trotted to the farthest empty seat and sat at the window, dropping his bag next to him as the universal sign that glaringly says “don't sit next to me”. Garret just plopped into the nearest seat that looked okay. It just so happened to be across from Raimondo.

The cold touch of a ghost's dead hands against the back of Raimondo's neck made him swear loudly. “Fuck! Oh, come on man!” Little airy chuckles rose out of the poofy-haired spirit that followed him around. He took a “seat” on the top of the bus seat, sitting criss-cross-applesauce with his hands rested on his thighs and his face in those hands.

“Mornin'. Forgot to tell ya that.”

“Not talkin' to you.”

“Awe, come on. You talk to me alllllll the time~”

“Not today.”

“Absolutely not today?”

“Sometimes, I wish you'd just mysteriously disappear or vanish into a puff of black smoke, but you know.”

“So...you're not talking?”

“Nope.”

“You're talking right now, Rai. Monologues, actually. Should try out for the Spring play.” “...Fuck you-”

Renaicus let out another chuckle and took his leave through the ceiling of the bus that had finally begun to move. The screech of the mechanics only worsened Raimondo's frustration and he went into his pockets for his earbuds and music player. Stuffing the buds in his ears and the cord into the headphone jack, the blonde finally leaned back and shut his eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“..That I was one of them, you know?”

Renaicus scratched at one of his arms with his nails. He had a gross feeling in his throat. “..It wasn't like that.”

He couldn't help but say that aloud. Whether it was a reminder for himself or someone else, he had a familiar sense of anxiety that had its hold on his neck. Raimondo was right. He was being ridiculous. Renaicus's been stuck with the kid for the last decade and a half, the least he could do is give at least some sort of explanation for his night terrors.

[mallowstep]

You seem to have a strong opinion on Breezepelt. I would love to here more about it.

someone said it someone said i can talk about breezepelt OKAY.

so some context: i have not read crowfeather's trial. i've read the summary, enough to know ashfoot is involved (luv her) and is telling him to be a better person (LUV HER), but also apparently it fundamentally changes breezepelt and like...okay.

okay.

i'm trying to be semi-coherent here because i like? i do not like breezepelt. i don't even think i can say i like him as a character, the way i can say i absolutely love tigerclaw as a character because of his motivations and ambition and fuck, but no! breezepelt is just a whiny brat.

right?

WRONG.

he's not! he's fucking not! we know from the beginning there are crowfeather nightcloud problems. and like! and like.

okay, and like i don't have any problems with parents not being romantically entangled. heck, i have a whole qpr series and in any fluffy au i make squilf a single mom so i don't have to worry about it. i don't! i am weak for it. but.

but.

that's not what we've got we've got crowfeather and nightcloud in this terrible and toxic relationship and! i love it! live for that shit!

so breezepelt is caught in the middle of it and like. and like. fuck i live for this shit! i love it.

crowfeather is a shit father, alright? idk if i'll ever deal with that but he is, he is! he's a shit father. he's just, he's dismissive and doubtful and rude.

and then! nightcloud takes breezepelt's side but that's also unhealthy because she's still critical in private and usually i'd say yes, "praise in public, punish in private" which i say like that for the alliteration, but is more accurately phrased as "praise in public, criticize in private" but like. not the point.

the point is! the point is: usually it'd be fine but it's not because breezepelt doesn't have a single supportive parent! not one! i don't know how his relationship w/ whitetail is cause we don't see a ton of it, but i imagine not great and he's in a tough position a lot of the time bc that's how it seems to be.

which is a shame i'm a fan of whitetail atm bc she's so cute ibtwicm like! she's cinderpaw's friend luv her.

but i digress.

i could read a lot into some stuff here, but i'm not going to bc i'm just rambling.

we don't see much of him for a while, he's kind of a dick, which i love.

like, fuck! i want more characters who are just shitty people. i like crowfeather bc he sucks! he just sucks! there's not really a reason for it he just sucks! love that!

warriors feels unrealistic when everyone is nice and/or has reasons for being the way they are. it makes berrynose a great background character cause he's just like that! he's yeah sure he's just gonna date the sister of his dead mate, gonna have a rivalry with the kit much younger than him for no reason, luv that!

i knew a berrynose he was the worst and guess what! I WAS FUCKING RIGHT C.M.

I WAS FUCKING RIGHT.

anyway.

(this is what i get for just rambling in response instead of writing a proper well formatted essay sfdhsj)

my point here is like - breezepelt's parents are shit but they're not that shit, okay? he's kind of just an asshole not for a major reason. and i mean! that's not to say i don't think they can't be shit. like, fuck , hwere's that breezepelt fic w the abuse? "but i've got an angry heart" smthn like that?

luv that but!

the great thing about breezepelt is that if he's a dick! just cause! that's great, actually. love that.

anyway then crowfeather needs character development or something so ig breezepelt wants to atone now like what the fuck why.

stop taking terrible people from me i don't want that.

[johannepetereric]

Ok, new idea for the Season 3 rewrite! 

Ok, so Aichi joined the Miyaji Academy choir (99% girls, huge cast, mostly serious). The ones they (Aichi) actually interact with as human-to-human are the few casuals in it. They (the casuals) don’t join any field trips or competitions, so it’s more of an idol-anime-club than anything else. This was on the roster, so they (Aichi) asked about that. The girl said that the casuals are left out of competing, so they are cool with it. Though they hold off on it officially until they get the Cardfight Club established first. The club gets word of thus, so they devise a plan to get them in. After school, Day 1, they give Aichi a stack of papers as an introduction to the club (an introductory course of sorts). No signings or anything, but the basic voice drills and links are on there. After Shingo comes into play, Aichi visits the (choir) club room. He is immediately greeted with confetti and party poppers (they saw him at the gate) at the door. They test his capabilities with a song of his choice. Unfortunately, Aichi sings a Cray song (the “alien accent” they’d right away come to term it as). This one garners a “idk wtf you’re saying, but I like the melody and vibe” reaction. Kinda like with any other foreign-lamguage song. He still gets applause, though--they liked it on principle, but the accent of off-putting. The “you’re an alien trying to fit in” thing becomes a(n inside) joke. Aichi admits that he’s never learned how to sing like an earthling properly, so that’s what he’s here for. This is his first school club, much less voice club.  This gathers much pity. Turns out the choir club as a whole has TWO rooms. One for the casuals (here), and one huge room for the main group (everyon else, the focus and faces of the club. No one knows of the casuals until they inquire into the club). Aichi decides to hang out with them. Every night or so at 8 (maybe just once a week at minimum, half the time), they gather in the park or the room to help each other learn to sing (like an earthling) as they’ve always done. Aichi is now part of an idol-anime. This club is hwere he/they gather(s) most of the Vanguard songs (that sound idol-ish). One he’s left Miyaji, he had officially learned how to do away with the alien dialogue/dialect in public.

The group still keeps in contact, though.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In case you’re wondering, the council is cool with non-heteronormative folks cuz “as long as it doesn’t impede your schooling, it doesn’t matter what you identify as.” The purple-haired dude (Suwabe???) is a FINE example. So everyone’s cool with NOT misgendering people (Aichi, in this case. Though he’s/they’re not the only one who identifies as a different genders. Not-straight characters are more common though (working harder than normal to justify their place in society???idk--I’m just a cis straight girl viewing gayness from a fangirl/spectator/outside perspective))

But, like, imagine Toshiki-kun just going for a walk that late at night and hearing something strange:

Toshiki: Am I hearing...an angel’s voice? ( “With another?” if it isn’t a solo)

He walks, cloudy-eyed in a trance-like state, towards the music that sounds like one just randomly died and went to heaven. In a clearing is Aichi singing a song, maybe Earth, maybe Cray and trying his best to sing it like an Earthling (though that will never work, and the Sendou knows it. Aichi’s just doing it for “the crew” (the casuals, his new clique). It has to be Earth songs. The best he can do is singing Cray but with an Earth accent (and even then, it still sounds incomprehensible to most Earthlings)), and Toshiki-kun is just paralyzed, detached from reality, dragged into Cray sometimes if it’s a Cray tune via Psyqualia. Just *sigh* the Kaichi. It’s a romance-anime moment when he’s discovered in that trance-and-staring, flustered both included sometimes.

Yeah, I am requesting my readers (since I actually get updates on who’s viewing my works (unlike on Wattpad and ao3 *disappointed, melancholic sigh*)) to help me (again. Nobody is helpful. Ever. I have to ask my friends, and then it’s--in their opinion, I’m talking gibberish--one of my “Special Interest” stuff ADHD Awareness Tumblr users post about. 

Ok, gather up your knowledge, your memories of idol anime, mermaid anime, moei and BanG Dream, singing-whatever, your musical-whatevers, your slice-of-life anime (may or not have a club involved), cute romance-whatevers, whatever to give me (us) ideas as to how we going to make original content for this AU timeline. This season I plan to start the buildup for Misaki x Kourin, so prepare your fics. Whatever fanfiction you want to advertise, please add disclaimers and the link(s), cuz plagiarism exists, and send it to me. Maybe even stuff like “there’s this fic with plot blablab-blah” and I shout-out disclaimers (shoutout to ma reader (maybe I’d give ur name) who read a fic with plot blablab-blah and I’m just gonna reblog the damn thing. And..)and I might be adding fics where it’s just copy-pasting the plot (the “Can I copy you?” “Sure. Just write it a little different so they think it isn’t copied” (???) meme-thing) and I thusly must link the source(s).

But yeah, Episode 15 is not exactly gonna be a rewrite. It’s just--same day, but the plot is completely elsewhere in town, and the actions that did happen in the episode is gonna stay exactly the same (well, added internal monologue, but that’s different), so it’s gonna be somewhere else.

Also, I’m having it so that, early in Season 1, Aichi drags Miwa to the Underground Cardfighter’s Hidout (Jun) to introduce him to his (future) boyfriend. Shortly after meeting the dude (beware the Trigger Warnings. They’ll be there for that one), Miwa gets less uncomfortable around Jun enough so that they’re f**kbuddies. Aichi knows IMMEDIATELEY, so he often teases Miwa about it (also as a way to get the blond off Kai if the brunet is clearly feeling uncomfortable/disturbed by said annoyance). I planned for it to be this episode, but now idk...contradicting timelines...This happens BEFORE Miwa is chained up to lure in Kai, so I need a pinpoint before then. PLEASE give me your opinions of when you want this to happen (by measure of Episode, as I do). This is just Aichi being scary (evil) and morally gray/ambiguous. K? HELP AN AUTHOR OUT!!! 

And yeah, the gender changes in this status update were necessary. Get it over with beforehand n’ all.

[rjalker]

I’m not actually writing any Miraculous LAdybug fics with daemons right now because Fatality already has 10K words and I’m not going back and adding daemons in. 

at some point I either need to make the title “fatality” fitting or I need to think of a new tittle because rigth now it doesn’t mean anything it’s just the first word that popped into my head when I hit the option to name the document.

BUT ANYWAYS

in the universe these fics take place in, magic is A Thing™ because like,,,,,,,,,,,,,come on. Kwami can’t be the only magical thing in the universe, and als othe part hwere veryone just casually accepts that they have superheroes now means SUPERHEROES ARE A THING.

so in my universe Magic is A Thing. Not everyone can use it, and its not hereditary, but it’s not unheard of.

Uh, also, being the Guardian of the Miracle Box (or at least a Guardian of a Miracle Box) gives you ACTUAL ABILITIES AND BONUS PERKS. 

also when you transform using a Miraculous you get as many limbs as the animal it’s based on gets, and I’m changing at LEAST how the fox miraculous’ powers work.

also I’m just. making them cooler in general.

I was supposed to be explaining stuff in this post but eh I’m too lazy.

[starkillerscience]

Just a few very quick TLJ notes in relation to my fics:

(Yes, there will be major spoilers for TLJ.)

First off, thank God I’m not able to write fic any more and that I hadn’t decided to wait until this film to continue my Starkiller Science fic following the plot of this most recent film, because it would have been IMPOSSIBLE.  No matter how much I’ve thought about it through the night and into this morning, there is no possible way that I could have included the reader character (Christina Xavier; which is what I will call her for the rest of this post) and still kept the same plot of The Last Jedi.  Second, Kylo Ren had amazing character development for the first 3/4 of the movie and then reverted back to his childish characteristics and just totally destroyed a proper redemption/grey Jedi arc that I had planned.

Like, none of Kylo’s actions would have been possible if he had known that Christina was on board the same ships as Leia.  It would have been too damn much for him.  He already didn’t want to fight because his mum was on board, but having his lover with a Force Bond on board, too?  No.  He wouldn’t have been able to fight, and he wouldn’t have allowed Hux to fire on the ships.  He would have sabotaged something so that the Resistance could get away.

On top of that, I don’t know how I would have incorporated the already existing Force Bond into the bond that Snoke created between Rey and Kylo.  Unless it was a weird three way call the whole time, and I wouldn’t have been able to take myself seriously.

Last, the odds of Christina surviving with the Resistance would have been nill considering that all of like 40 people survived the movie.  I told my friend in the theatre with me that after Laura Dern’s character fucking OBLITERATED Snoke’s ship, and after Hux killed off most of the Resistance, there would have only been enough people on either side to have like a bar brawl or something. idk.

So sticking to TLJ plot for a fic would not have worked, and I’m glad that I had fully developed a plot way ahead of time of how I would want the story to continue if Christina and Talia were there to influence the actions of Kylo and Hux.

My original sequel ideas had the First Order crumble apart under Hux’s leadership, leaving him and Kylo both more or less abandoned by Snoke who then used the Knights of Ren to continue on with a newly formed First Order under Captain Phasma’s command.  The basic plot structure was that Christina would briefly spend time with the Resistance to form a plan for her return to the First Order as a spy.  In that position, she would join Amena as a nurses aide to help with the mass casualties of the First Order, all the while gathering intel on the First Order to send back to Jessika Pava and Poe Dameron.

Meanwhile, Rey would train under Luke, Finn would go and join Rey when she and Luke return, and they would start forming a plan to take down Snoke.  All the while, Kylo would be on the run from the First Order after having largely disappointed Snoke.  Kylo would eventually sneak into the Resistance to beg forgiveness from his mother and try to make things a little bit more right.  During this time Hux and some First Order defectors would also be in hiding, biding their time, though Talia searches for them, finds Hux, and kills him.  Off the top of my head, I can’t remember how she manages to get here because some plot points are fuzzy after 20 months of not writing this fic.

Christina would eventually be found out as a spy and be held in prison on Snoke’s planet, basically being used as a pawn to get Kylo to come back to Snoke.  So Kylo teams up with Rey, Finn, and Luke with the intent of killing Snoke, which they would do in an epic showdown.  This would allow Leia and Luke to restore order to the galaxy, Rey and Finn and Poe could go off and have their beautiful perfect ot3, and Kylo and Christina could just gtfo away from both the First Order and Resistance to start their own lives in a way they most see fit.

The fic would have ended with Leia and Luke going on a trip to visit Kylo and Christina on the planet where they have made a home.  They walk up to the house, giving hugs, so happy to see one another.  And at the very end, Christina hands Leia a little bundle to hold: the newest member of the Skywalker family.

It was going to be dramatic and end cute as all hell.  But my PhD has taken over my entire life, and I also don’t have the motivation to write this, even if I had the time.  So instead, I am going to copy and paste all of my notes below about the sequel.  They are convoluted.  Entire plot points are missing that would have needed to be filled in as I developed the story.  There are run on sentences for days and my own commentary, but I think it pretty much sums up the ideas I had.  Enjoy.

Welcome to the five pages of notes that I took.  Also, if you were wondering what it looks like when I develop a story and am designing it, welcome to that process:

starkiller science sequel: Crescent Base Captives

 (why kylo cut the Bond: On one side, he honestly believes that he’s going to die, and he wanted to shut her out so that she wouldn’t feel his death through the Bond, because that would be so detrimental that it could kill her.  On the other side of things, he figures that if he does survive, he’s going to be facing Snoke and more training, and he doesn’t want her to slip into the Dark side of the Force along with him.  So by blocking the Bond to the fullest of his abilities, he sees it as the only way to truly protect her.)

 christina is trying so hard to adjust to not having contact with kylo and being with the resistance.  She's promisted leia that she will bring her son back, but she has no idea how to actually go about this.  She's a scientist—not a warrior, not a diplomat.  But at the same time, she knows that she has allies.  She is still in contact with Talia to a limited capacity, though Phasma and Amena are harder to reach, and christina isn't sure if she /wants/ to reach them because they're so close to the first order.  Talia doesn't know what to do with herself. She wants to find Hux and bring him closer to her.  She can't let him go, even though she knows that he doesn't love her how she loves him. And with her collection of brains gone and research gone and everything else, she feels like she has been left with nothing.  The first order doesnt need her.  They have bigger fish to fry.  So she leaves and heads back to the academic planet, where she had also studied ten years before you.  She becomes an assistant in a university morgue, where she can teach brain anatomy and dissection to medical students.  She isn't really happy there, but it's something.  She still gets to play with brains, and she's safe.  But she longs for hux.  Longs for things to go back to the way that they were before.

 Christina is trying really hard to get closer to finn and poe and rey.  She sees them as being the only hope of getting kylo back.  She trusts finn fully, but he is slightly wary of her. He knows that she's a good person, but he can't forgive kylo for what he has done, and it's difficult for him to just forgive you supporting him.  But at the same time, he sees you as weak, as scared, and as willing to set things right as him and rey.  So he puts aside his anger at kylo and meets with you in private.  The two of you are on d'qar, sitting in the forest, and he vows that he'll still be your guardian angel.  And you break down crying beside him that you would receive such kindness once again when you least deserved it.

 From there, leia starts to draft a plan.  She and christina go through ideas with finn and poe about what o do with you, but there isn't much they can think of.  You aren't a warrior, aren't a politician. And leia ends up coming up with the idea of you spying and rejoining as a doctor.  It seems like the best idea out there, even though it's really morally conflicting.  Leia decides for you to undergo a bootcamp with some of the newer recruits, so the next two months are spent training physically.  It's a time to work on basic combat, building muscle, just generally getting some skills that she may need later.  She learns how to properly fire her blaster, how to fight hand to hand. She doubts that she will use most of the training, but there's something satisfying to seeing her arms become more muscular and body work better.  She had never worked out before this because she had spent so much time sitting and doing academic work.  “I got a brain work out” she tells Poe, and he laughs at her one night, because he remembers hearing stories from Jessika about her brainy roommate.  Jessika nd Poe and Finn are basically in charge of training Christina when she's not at the bootcamp during the days, and Rey is meanwhile training with Luke.  Sometimes, Christina swears that she can hear Rey's thoughts, but she wonders if she's imagining it just like the bits and pieces she's getting through the Bond from Kylo.

 SHE BECOMES A FUCKING SPY FOR THE RESISTANCE AND IS SENT BACK TO THE FIRST ORDER TO WORK UNDER AMENA.  She calls talia, and it turns out that talia is on her own teaching and generally hating herself.  But she gives her amena's comm and christina calls amena and basically begs for some position in the first order and to come back.  Amena doesn't know that christina will be a spy but thinks that she just wants back with her friends and people she knows or whatever.  Amena is like 'I don't know hwere to put you' and christina convinces her to take her back as an aide.  And so amena obliges but can't guarantee a pay at all.  

 Christina goes back to crescent base and meets with amena's younger cousin, Beatriz, who is also working as an aide.  Beatriz was a former Storm Trooper, but Amena pulled strings to get her into the medical centre since Beatriz was a field medic.  She has the skills and is safer there with Amena.  Beatriz starts to take Christina under her wing to teach her how to do the medical stuff.  Christina catches on quick since she had done some of this stuff during her schooling (like giving immunisations and doing assessments is fucking easy; she can do that. But learning how to give proper stitches and stuff becomes necessary.  And she learns how to use the equipment in the medical centre).

 Meanwhile, christina only feels bits and pieces from Kylo. He's on such a far away part of the galaxy that it's hard to feel much of a connection.  She only gets these fluttering emotions, and she knows that he's hiding from her.  Probably due to snoke.  Snoke gave ren the ultimatum to kill her or han, but he would prefer for them to both be dead so that kylo can delve even further into the darkness.  Especially when considering that killing han didn't work for the plans.  Snoke realises now that he shouldnl't have given ren the choice.  Kylo knows this, and he hates the fact that he's supposed to kill christina.  He sends her emotions every now and then when he thinks he can get past snoke, but it's so minimal that christina starts to wonder if she is imagining the Bond.  

 Kylo has been at the citadel for a couple of weeks, slowly healing.  The tendons of his right shoulder are completely fucked up, and he has limited motion.  He undergoes two different surgeries, leaving his shoulder completely covered in scars and a few screws and electronic tendons now wrapping through the muscle and joint.  It hurts when it rains, hurts to hold his lightsabre, but he works through it anyway. He thinks briefly about whether you feel the same pain (which you do on occasion, but you don't realise that it's when it's raining near kylo; you feel particularly blue and sad on these days. You tell amena that it feels like you have days where everything is raining on you.) and also thinks about how Amena is no doubt trying to recover from the blaster wounds—that is, if she made it out alive.  He hasn't heard a single word from Phasma to know.  Kylo has been kept purposefully in the dark because of snoke.  At first, it's because he is healing, but even after that, kylo understands that he's being trapped.  Snoke doesn't trust him, and he's right not to trust kylo, because kylo is being drawn to the light the longer that he is there.

             “Last time, I made the mistake of giving you an ultimatum,” Snoke sighed. “It was foolish.  I hadn't understood the full extent of your relationship with that woman.  If I had known it was more than lust, more than your desire to fulfil a possessive nature, then I would have forced you to kill her along with your father.  But this time, I will not make that same mistake. This time, you will be given an ultimatum that forces you to act in accordance with my will.”

           Ren swallowed the lump in his throat, already aware of what Snoke was about to ask.

           “This time, you may choose, but it is between her life and your own.  Choose wisely.”

 Though Hux has been in contact with Phasma, trying to get her to take a lot of the reigns of the first order.  She has been made a general, which is awesome, but she's stressed and upset that hux is hardly leaving the citadel.  He meets with her after four weeks, and she's boiling mad. She wants him to stay on the crescent base and finalizer with her and the troopers, but hux wants to keep an eye on kylo as well as get further training from snoke.  Hux sees the starkiller base's destruction as a major blow to his standing, and he fears that snoke will have kylo kill him or will simply eliminate him himself, so he's trying to suck up to snoke, I suppose. Phasma calls him out on this.  He tries to ignore that she is correct.

 At some point, hux falls out of favour with the first order entirely and is kicked out.  He kills the people who try to kill him under snoke's orders, but he knows that it's only a matter of time before he's captured by either the resistance or the first order and killed.  There is absolutely no one he can go to, and his credits have been reposessed by the first order.

 At some point, the first order asks christina to then be a spy on the resistance and like, she's then a double agent and everything is getting really shitty, and she can't keep it up, and one of her transmissions to jessika and leia gets intercepted, and phasma realises just what kind of position christina is in, and she shoves her up against a wall and is like 'DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE?'  and it hurts phasma so much, but she can't hide the transmission.  She is legally obligated to show it to the rest of the captains and generals and even to snoke.  And snoke demands that she be killed.  Phasma is heartbroken, as is amena and talia, so phasma at least sets up a trial.

 Kylo has been with snoke during this time still doing his training and shit, but when he finds out about christina's trial and that she will be killed on a certain date by blaster fire, he loses his shit. Breaking free from snoke's citadel, he makes his way to the crescent base and personally interrupts her trial (think dumbledore when he breaks into harry's trial at the ministry lol).  The Bond reawakens at this moment, and it brings Christina to tears because she can hear him again.  She can see him again.  She can hear his thoughts and how much that he loves her.

 He is furious and threatens to kill everyone there if she is not freed.  Phasma is there and trying to calm him down because they're all under orders from snoke, and he's basically like 'FUCK SNOKE.  SHE'S MINE.'  and one of the captains decides to post-pone the trial for another day, and christina is dragged away in cuffs to a holding cell.  Kylo demands entrance to see her, and through the bars of her prison cell, they finally meet again for the first time in over six months.  He promises that she's not going to die, and she doesn't know how to believe him because this whole situation is hopeless.  Kylo is called away from her, but he refuses to budge.  He won't leave the other side of her prison cell until the next day when her trial is starting up again.  He follows into the court room regardless of what anyone else says, and he interrupts and distracts everyone.  He argues on her behalf, but he doesn't kno what he's talking about.  The fact of the matter is that she's a spy, and nothing he can say will negate that.  As the verdict comes down, he screams out and quotes obi-wan in a new hope when he says that if vader cuts him down he will only come back stronger or whatever.  And christina is dragged away with an execution date set for three days from then.  Kylo follows back to her cell, but it's now being guarded.  He threatens to kill anyone, but the knights of ren are there, now guarding christina because of snoke's orders.  Kylo is furious because this means that his knights have turned against him.  He leaves in a storm of anger, determined now to save christina from the knights and kill snoke.

 From here on out, kylo is officially on an opposite side of the war from everyone else.  Like christina, he is no longer on a side.  He has simply chosen a person.  And it's her.  She is everything.

 Somehow he breaks her out or something idk.  He dumps her on talia's planet for safe-keeping because hiding her seems like a good option while kylo goes out to kill all of his knights.  He's now completely grey.

 Talia and christina don't feel safe because they know that talia is being watched by the first order; they see bazine netal twice and know she's watching them.  Talia makes the decision to quit, and they pack their things in the night and leave for another planet.  Somehow, this leads to them meeting back up with hux after a couple of weeks of hiding. They are only getting little bits and pieces of information that kylo is out fucking things up.  The whole galaxy is under war, and kylo has gone off on his own and is killing high up members of the first order and resistance alike. But you and talia are aware that they are not actually indiscriminate.  He is killing anyone who stands in the way of him and christina being together.  He is killing his knights, killing spies, killing people loyal to snoke.  He kills bazine netal but is heavily injured during the battle with her, thus he isn't able to come rescue chrstina and talia when they finaly meet up with hux again.

 Talia ends up killing Hux by shooting him in the head with a blaster.  this is significant because she destroys his brain.  he trehatens to kill her and it becomes apparent that his freedom means far more than any emotions he had for talia.  talia means nothing to him. he has talia at knifepoint. christina steps in and manages to get him to let talia go. christina has him pinned and he threatens that you can either kill him right there or he will kill both of you and escape.  you know that he is fully capable of doing what he says and ther is no way that even the two of you could get him back to the resistance.  so as you're holding him to the ground with a knife at his throat, that's when talia steps in andshoots him in the fucking face.  christina is splalttered in hux's blood and completely shocked.  there's hardly anything left of his head, and she shakily rolls off of him.  talia is heaving, still holding the blaster in her hand.  "YOU SON OF A BITCH!" she shrieks, and she shoots again where his head should have been, aimed directly at what was once his brain.  she sinks to the ground, sobbing violently. what had once made hux the most fearsome general in the galaxy is now gone—to talia, a brain is the person. Without it, they are no longer real. all that is left are the blood splatters against the ground and the burnt hole in the dirt from the plasma blast.

 They escape, no longer being chased by anyone, and christina decides tha the best course of action is to get talia to the resistance.  She'll be safe there.  Talia is reluctant but she is taken in, though she's a bit of a pariah there because of her background.

 Christina goes back out, this time with help from poe and jessika.  Her goal is to find kylo, who's currently recovering on his own in a shitty inn on some backwater planet, trying to lay low.  The three of them find him, and he has an infection and is kind of out of it. Jessika brings in a med kit, and poe kind of can't believe that he's here, helping the dude who tortured him for information a year before.  But they fix him up becaue they're GOOD DAMN PEOPLE.  And there needs to be a fluffy scene of kylo and christina sharing a room as poe and jessika get their own room in another part of the inn.  And like, sexy kylo times idk.  But damn, we will all be in need by that point.

 Kylo requests that poe and jessika keep christina safe but drop him off at snoke's citadel because he wants to go kill snoke.  They're like 'no, ur hurt and dumb'.  And rey finishes her training around this time and they're like, 'team up with rey'.  Kylo is like 'ew gross no'.  But they team up anyway, and they start to devise a plan with Finn, and the three of them are going to go kill Snoke together with Luke.  Idk.  Something like that.  Meanwhile, poe and jessika are going to launch an offensive against snoke's planet and the final forces under phasma's control who are all around the planet.

 The battle is going on in the air. And then there's the in person battle of the three force sensitive bbs against snoke.  Christina is with leia.  Ships are leaving the finalizer as the battle rages on, and you realise that this will be the end for phasma.  She is the resistance's primary target along with some of the generals and captains of the first order.  Amena refuses to leave phasma, but she makes Beatriz leave, because Amena knows that anyone who stays is going to die there.  Beatriz comms Christina for help, and Christina is like 'I really can't help you. Just lay low.  Get somewhere safe.  And never say that you're from the First Order again.  I'm sorry.  That's all I can do.'  except you actually /can/ do something.  You comm beatriz back as she's crying and tell her to go to eriadu; market 67; the fountain.  She's confused but agrees.  captain harpin maltolpol is with her because I think they're going to get together idk. You comm samson and tell him to go to his usual spot in acouple of days to pick up those idiots.  He does and takes them to his home planet where they go into hiding.  They live happily ever after probably because they're good people at heart.

 Anyway, battle is continuing, and christina is very involved because of the Bond with Kylo.  Rey is kicking ass.  Finn is too for a while but gets injured along with Kylo.  Snoke starts manipulating any metal and wiring in their bodies, and Finn has metal rods in his back from Kylo's attack and Kylo has metal and wiring all through his right shoulder from a battle, so both fo them are kind of down for the count.  And rey is still fighting snoke, and christina kind of transfers into kylo's body and starts fighting.  This is a major parallel to the fight with stratoveer, because she takes kylo's lightsabre and uses it lefthanded as she had in that battle.  She feels like she's really there, just to Rey's right as they both take down Snoke.  And Kylo is cheering her on the entire time and feeding information about fighting. They are essentially sharing his body during the fight, and Snoke starts to realise that he's losing.  And Rey kicks him and uses the force to take away his lightsabre, and then christina gives kylo his body back, and he beheads snoke with his left arm and then drops down, realising that this is all over. He's done it.  And rey runs to finn.  Just as this battle has ended, the finalizer is critically damaged by poe, and it's only a matter of minutes before it all explodes, which will take out parts of the citadel planet.  So then kylo, rey, and finn all have to run to escape back to their ship, which rey pilots away as the boys sit in the back all injured and dumb and whatever.  Idk where luke was during this lol.

 The finalizer explodes, and everyone heads back to the resistance base on d'qar, and kylo falls to his knees before leia, asking for forgiveness.  She hugs him and doesn't even know what to say, because he has redeemed himself, and she's so happy that he's capable of love.  But she also knows that he is wanted by the new republic.  Christina comes over, and leia knows that the two of you must leave.  She says that they'll all be in touch, but she shushes them away and makes them promise to keep hidden.  Kylo nods. After all of the shit that he's gone through, nothing sounds better.  Kylo gets fixed up since his shoulder is shit, and then in the dead of night, they board a ship, heading for who knows where.

 Christina ends up taking kylo back to her original home planet, which is coincidentally where samson is now living. It's warm.  Sunny.  Bright. She hasn't been there since she was 17 and had left for university.  Kylo asks if she wants to visit her family but she shakes her head.  They were never close, and it wouldn't do any good to show up. They most likely believed that she was dead, and that was fine.  Besides, she has a new family.  It's kylo. It's leia.  It's talia.  Beatriz. They end up telling beatriz and harpin to join them on the planet after a little while, and though they don't live that close to one another, it's nice to know that there are other people in hiding with them.  A few people end up knowing that kylo and christina are there—leia, talia, jessika, poe, etc.  they occasionally visit.    THAT OR THEY GO TO SAMSON'S HOME PLANET.  I think this would make more sense??

 Talia works for the resistance and new republic, doing research.  She finally seems happy.

 The fic ends with kylo burying his hands into the earth, and christina is bringing a potted plant over to him with Pickles rubbing up against her leg.  They are planting it beside a house that they built from hand.  It's earthy and so incredibly opposite from the starkiller base, which had been dark and rocky.  There is beautiful metal work, which christina has done with the Force in her artistic metal bending and whatnot.  A ship flies by, and you look up, recognising it.  It parks just over a hill, and a few minutes later, Leia walks up with Luke following shortly behind.  Christina runs over to her, giving a hug as Luke gives Kylo a pat on the upper arm before Kylo hugs his mother.  They are standing there in the dirt path before their house, greeting, and Leia mentions, “Now, while I love seeing my son and daughter-in-law, I believe you owe me another introduction.”  and all four of you go inside the house to see a cooing little girl in a crib beneath an open window, light pouring upon her.  Leia holds her grand-daughter for the first time, and there are tears in her eyes.  The scene ends with the two of them as Leia rocks the infant in her arms, seeing through time to when she did the same with Ben.