#also this is me yet again saying i would Die to see a maleficent wandering around here pls and thanks

[aurorarose]

a true king;;

F E A T U R I N G : stefan capulet (with guest appearances from his parents who don’t have a name (lol) and leah capulet)

T I M E F R A M E : 1991 - 2011

S Y N O P S I S : try as he does to be the king his kingdom needs, stefan forever struggles with what that truly means.

T R I G G E R S : implied verbal abuse

N O T E S : i’m sorry for this but these family trees really got me MESSED UP OVER HERE

According to your father, a true king is one that makes the right decisions even in the most difficult of circumstances. 

You’re sixteen at the time. ‘Just a boy,’ as your mother insists whilst scolding him from across the table, and while you’d usually be the the first one to whine and insist that she stop treating you like a child, you feel like a child in that moment. He towers above you, pacing back and forth across the length of the dining hall and clearly incensed after having to witness his son being brought home by the scruff of his neck by the head of his guard and hear the stories of how he’d been found trying to sneak off into the Moors in the early hours of the morning. Every little bit of scolding and shouting and anger hurled your way feels like a new shot of ice right in your veins, and even in spite of your pride you find yourself flinching and wincing each and every time. She’s right - you’re nothing but a child in that moment, reduced to a shivering mass sunk into cushioned back of your seat. 

He tells you this sage piece of advice after nearly twenty minutes of verbal barraging have passed, his wide, ring-encrusted hands slamming against the glossy mahogany of the table separating the two of you as he leans menacingly closer. There’s a glint in his eyes that you’ve never seen before - one of an almost manic excitement shrouded by fury - and those very words seem to reverberate in the air in the long silence that follows his statement.

It’s obvious to you then that he knows exactly what you’ve been doing in the Moors. Fraternizing with those beasts - the fairies and pixies and golems and everything that your entire kingdom seemed to despise with such a passion. With Maleficent, foreign and menacing and yet beautiful in a way you’ve never known before. It’s been years that you’ve known her, but even you can’t help but wish you’d never met her while under the weight of your father’s gaze. 

It feels like a decade has passed before he speaks again, but when he does, his voice lowers into a near murmur, his weight shifting forward to ensure that the two of you are eye-to-eye. “It’s time for you to make the right decision, son.”

You find yourself alone ten minutes later with the weight of an ultimatum sitting heavy on your shoulders. In theory, it should be an easy decision: Maleficent or the crown. And yet, no matter how you try, you can’t seem to reconcile it. On one hand, you know that choosing to follow the orders laid down by your father would mean hurting the one person who’d always loved you without conditions. She didn’t care about any of it - the fineries, crown, or title - but about you, and you know without a shadow of a doubt that doing such a deed would inevitably turn her from you for the rest of time itself. Then again, you also knew that there was nothing more important to you than your father’s approval, and with the threat of disownment hanging over your head you’ve found your mind thrown into a sort of blind panic to do whatever he wants.

You debate over it for weeks, sick to your stomach with the possibilities juggling around your skull. You’re not sure you’ve made the right decision even after the deed is done and the threat of the Moors is practically made extinct in one swift power move, but your one comfort is that it has won you the ultimate protection - the crown. At the end of the day, you’d long since decided that power was worth any sacrifice, and no matter how much it hurt, you’d continue to chase it for as long as you live.

                                                                         ⚜⚜⚜

According to your wife, a true king is one that knows how to show weakness.

It’s stated at the point of pure exasperation, her face twisted in frustration and illuminated by the dim light shining from the opposite side of the room as she pushes herself off of the bed. The way she glowers at you once she’s whirled around to face you once more from a safe few strides away speaks volumes of her state of mind; she’s mad, and you’re the reason for it.

You’ve not been married for more than a month, and yet your marriage already seems to be in shambles. It’s would be funny were you not on the receiving end of her ire, and even so you can’t help but find it foolish of her to have expected any differently out of you. This was no more than a political union, after all - as most royal marriages had been for centuries - and yet she persisted in a hopeless, endless battle to soften you to the idea of her.

You would be lying if you said you expected any less of her. Leah Montaigne, after all, had quite the reputation of her own before she’d ever been named yours. Beautiful, intelligent, and charming... she was everything expected of a queen and more, but you also knew that there was an undercurrent of cunning that ran under it all and a willingness to use her charms to get ahead. It was smart, even you could admit that. Women, after all, were so often seen as weak and emotionally driven, so for her to play right into that stereotype and act the part of the demure ingenue as an act of manipulation was brilliant. You can’t even say it wouldn’t work on you if you’d not been wise to her ways and unwavered by the prospect of romantic love. That concept had been dead to you for years now, and so try as she did to win you over piece by piece, she’d been met with nothing with resistance just as she had just moments ago. Her games weren’t working, and now here she was espousing the values of weakness as if it would somehow sway you.

Leah stands there for a moment, silent as her figure framed by the dimming light of day shining from the window behind her. Her mouth opens as if she’s ready to say something else only to clamp shut once more, and it happens once again, then twice more before she finally finds her words. “You don’t have to love me,” she deadpans, the usually soft timbre of her voice colored with a new intensity he’d never quite heard from her before, “And honestly? You don’t even have to like me if you don’t want to. But you do have to work with me - whether you like it or not.”

Your first instinct is to brush her words off, even as she whisks herself out of the room in the type of hurry that practically screamed that she was more than unhappy with you. That being said, those very thoughts linger in your mind, playing on a feedback loop as if it were some sort of mantra, and slowly but surely the realization dawns on you that you may know your wife, but you don’t know her - not really, at least. You don’t know her hopes and dreams, nor do you know her intentions. Hell, she could be just as averse to the idea of this marriage as you are, and yet she’d done just as she said you needed to... she worked with you. 

The change isn’t instant, but slowly but surely the relationship between the two of you develops. It’s not love, nor will it ever be, but it is a partnership and you couldn’t ask for a better woman to be by your side throughout it all. The very same woman is the one who gives you an heir just a few short years later - a beautiful baby girl who shared her mother’s golden hair and your blue eyes - and it’s only when your daughter is born that you finally find enough inner peace to begin to come around to the idea of allowing yourself a little bit of joy. 

And then Maleficent came, all fury and flames and fully determined to tear that joy apart piece by piece. 

You would’ve been fine with accepting the consequences. The nightmares of what you’d done to her had haunted you for years, leaving you in a constant state of unrest where guilt threatened to eat you alive at any moment. If anything, you’d expected her to strike you dead as soon as you saw that achingly familiar face emerge from the crowd, and you supposed that you deserved what was coming to you. Ultimately, though, she chose a fate worse than death as her personal form of vengeance; instead of taking you as recompense, her attention was turned to something far, far more precious. 

The gasps of despair were audible as Maleficent’s curse became fully actualized. Your child - the innocent little babe fast asleep no more than a few feet away from him - would be the one to pay the price for her father’s actions with her own life. For as long as you’d worn the crown, you’d never felt anything more than invincible, but here and now, staring into the eyes of the woman who was singlehandedly able to take everything you loved from you without so much of an afterthought, you felt truly powerless for the first time. Your wife’s words from years prior echo in your mind as if some sort of belated reminder, and without another thought, you do the only thing you can do in that moment: you beg.

It’s humiliating. Here you are, on your knees before your subjects and contemporaries and before her in particular, pleading with her to spare your daughter’s laugh. And god, the look of joy on her face at the vision before her and her concession to take your thoughts into consideration gives you a sense of false hope for a mere moment... until she begins to speak once more. A loophole of sorts - the one thing that could wake his daughter from that century-long sleep was true love’s kiss. The crowd around you seems relieved, but you’re no more comforted than you were before; looking into the wicked glee gleaming in her eyes, you know that she knows as well as you do that true love doesn’t exist and that all efforts were ultimately for nothing. Aurora was doomed, and there was nothing you could do to stop it.

Weakness ultimately fails you in that moment. And with that, you vowed you’d never allow yourself to be weak - not again.

                                                                           ⚜⚜⚜

According to your advisors, a true king is one that will go to no ends to win a war, no matter the cost. 

They’ve witnessed every single moment of the past hour, from the arrival of one of the three faeries he’d entrusted his daughter with sixteen years prior to the moment she broke the news that transferring the girl over to his care that evening was simply impossible - not when the signs of Maleficent’s handiwork remained so evident and unavoidable. They’d also witnessed the aftermath of that very message, his irrational, intense fury that had reduced you to a screaming, red-faced mess as he stormed about the room and insisted that you refused to let the damned woman win after all these years. She’d kept your daughter from you for sixteen years and was now threatening to keep her from you even longer, and that was simply something you wouldn’t stand for. 

The faerie had told you plenty of other inconvenient things. For one, the girl remained apparently devastated by the news of her lineage and had been practically inconsolable for hours. It was indicated to you that most of it had to do with some boy she’d met - a peasant, though there was no other real information that could be provided about him - but that ultimately, the girl was still at the cottage, sick with grief as the other two faeries tried in vain to bring her around to the idea. She allegedly didn’t want to come home, which you still find to be completely egregious, if not weak-minded of the girl. She’s sixteen, after all, and practically a woman at this point - she should know better.

Ultimately, however, you don’t care what she wants, nor what she feels. She can cry and wail and bemoan her royal status as a cruel twist of fate for all you care; so long as you could be victorious in keeping Maleficent from having the final laugh, her mental state is of little to no concern. 

It’s cruel of you. One advisor tells you as much after voicing such to the faerie and ordering her off to fetch the girl and bring her back to you. The old you would’ve thought so, too - a twenty year old boy-king with the world at his feet and some fatherly obligation to protect an innocent child from facing undue wrath - but after sixteen years spent tracking and calculating Maleficent’s every move, this is no longer a moral fight for you. It’s a war in the form of a chess game, with each person watching and waiting to make the move that would eventually blow the other off the board. Aurora is nothing more than the final pawn in that game, a trophy for you to seize and wave in Maleficent’s face as if boasting that you got her first, and that is a victory you want more than anything else.

It’s a long, terse few minutes spent pacing circles about the room and muttering angrily to yourself before another advisor dares to speak up. The point he brings up is a good one - what good would having the child here do if she was still at risk with every passing moment? Could they feasibly protect her when Maleficent was only growing stronger with every passing moment? It takes plenty of reasoning before he so much as manages to get through with you, but it finally sticks after he utters that phrase to you. After all, she could win this battle all she wants, but you were in it to win the war.

And so, begrudging at best, you make the call. Aurora wouldn’t be returning home that evening, nor would she be staying within the kingdom; instead, she’d be going elsewhere - far enough away that it would be nearly impossible to find her - until he could figure out a way to get rid of that damned faerie once and for all. Granted, the decision comes with some sticky points between making sure the word got to the faeries before they set out to the castle and arranging something with King Hubert to get an extension on the political arrangement that they’d planned sixteen years prior with their own children right at the center, but at the end of it, you know there’s no other real choice for you to make. 

Your plans have been dashed, and in spite of your best efforts, Maleficent has managed to gain the upper hand on you. That being said, you know full and well that you won’t rest until she’s gone for good, and you’re willing to do just about anything to ensure you’re the one to get their revenge in the very end.

[hannahmcne]

The Many Misconceptions of Lady Mal

To be perfectly frank, Sir Frank Cogitare hadn't been looking forward to his stay in the notorious Beast Castle. In the past, the Royal Council Meetings that occurred every summer solstice had excited him. The servants were kind, the views amazing, and the list of sights to see was limitless.

This year, however, he packed his bags with much trepidation and anxiety. The reason? The new queen.

Only four months prior, King Benjamin and his girlfriend of almost nine years had finally gotten married. Before then, he'd been fortunate enough to visit the castle while Lady Mal had been away, but this year she was guaranteed to be in the castle.

The girl was a former villain, one of the worst the Isle of the Lost had ever had. Terrible rumors circulated the kingdom about her. Was it true she had once murdered twenty pirates in her early teens on the Isle? Was it true she had given the king a love potion in order to seize Fairy Godmother's wand? What about the rumor that stated she still bears her mother's, Maleficent's, mark on her upper arm?

Frank shivered at the thought.

The servants wheeled his suitcases out to his car and wished him well on his trip. He accepted their wishes with great trepidation. The car ride to Beast Castle shrunk by years, and as he pulled into the notoriously grand castle, he couldn't look out the windows for fear she would be there... standing... waiting.

The car finally stopped, and a footman came to open the door and help him out. The first person he saw was King Ben, extending a hand and a smile. He quickly scanned the surrounding people for the publicized purple hair the queen sported, but it was naught to be found.

She wasn't there.

Frank shook both kings' hands and former Queen Belle's before he voiced his concern.

"Might I inquire where Queen Mal is this fine day?"

The light in Ben's eyes shifted as he thought. "She's currently out of the castle. Out on a service rendezvous."

"Ah." A weight came off his head. "When will she be returning?"

"Ah, not to worry." Adam chuckled as he clapped Frank on the shoulder and gestures him toward their palace of a home. "She'll be returning in the hour."

Frank swallowed and smiled. "That sounds lovely." What were the chances he could finish his week-long castle business in an hour? He stretched and yawned. "I'm actually rather tired. The journey was more taxing then I recall it being."

The new King Ben nodded in understanding. "Do you think we could lay out what needs to be done before you go take a nap?" He asked.

Frank's mouth dangled open as he tried to think, but then he reasoned: scheduling wouldn't take long. Chances are they'd be done long before Lady Mal returned to the castle.

He smiled and said: "That sounds lovely."

Ben, Adam, and Frank made their way up to the King's study. Technically, Adam wasn't needed, but he was still allowed to sit in and give advice. Frank was stunned by the change to the room. The royal blues and bright yellows were still there, but now accents of purple were found throughout the entirety of the room. One of the many purple objects in the room was a warped piece of stained glass set in the shape of a heart. Frank shivered.

Ben took a seat behind the large desk he'd inherited from his father, and produced a blue folder.

"As I understand it, you haven't submitted anything outside the usual for Chateau d'Or. I assume this is a list of the supplies you used in the past year?" Ben gestured down at a lengthy part of the paper. Frank nodded.

"I did make a note that we're putting a lot more trash out than you said we should in our proclamation earlier this year." Frank tried to relax; the queen wasn't here… he wasn't in immediate harm's way. Ben waved him off.

"It's fine. To be perfectly Frank-" He choked suddenly. "I mean, sorry-" He glanced nervously at his dad. Former King Adam was shaking with laughter. Ben swallowed. "Sorry, sorry Frank. To be honest with you, Mal was only really hoping to set trash goals with that law."

Frank gulped. "Mal?"

Ben nodded. "Yes. We have rising trash problems in the Isle, so Mal and I devised a kind of five-step plan. We also had to take into consideration the needs of the Auradonian citizens, and what resources we were allocated, but in the end, it all worked out."

Supplies to the Isle? Is that what he was hearing? Exactly how much was going over there? Enough to start a revolution? He smiled at the young king. "That sounds lovely." He half-whispered. He pushed his sweaty palms against his pant legs.

Someone knocked on the door. Frank almost jumped out of his skin. Surely the queen wouldn't dare barge in on a meeting in progress. Oh dear, this was it. She'd walk in, and take one look at him, and with her magical prowess she'd immediately read his mind and he'd die a horrible, horrible death at the hands of a villain.

A servant poked his head in the room at Ben's call of affirmation. Frank twisted his hands anxiously, leaning to catch a glimpse of that tell-tale, abominable purple. There was none.

"Hello, Lumiere." Adam smiled. The normally-exuberant former-candlestick dipped his head gently towards Adam and then spoke to Ben.

"Pardon my interruption sir." He began. Ben waved him off. Frank, finally convinced the queen was not waiting outside the door, began to relax, sinking back into the comfortable chair in front of the king's desk. Lumiere continued: "You asked me to inform you when the Queen had returned to the castle."

Frank stifled a hiss as he dug his nails into the arms of the chair. Bits of wood finish stuck underneath his fingernails as his mind went blank with panic. King Ben flicked his wrist up and observed the time. "Huh." He said. "She's back early. Where is she?" Back early, back early. She must have known. He hadn't suspected her magical prowess was nearly that strong. Did she know where he was, even now?

"The Lady returned and went straight to your room." Lumiere hesitated, shifting his weight awkwardly. "I, er, I think it best you go and see her?"

A crease appeared in Ben's forehead as he stood. He nodded to Frank and his father and told them simply: "We'll have to adjourn this meeting at a later date. Please excuse me." Lumiere moved aside to let him through and waited at the door for Frank and Adam to leave. The former beast put a strong hand on Frank's arm and guided him past the door.

"I worry for him." The former king whispered in Frank's ear. "This doesn't happen often. She usually goes straight to him." Frank glimpsed the King up ahead, walking at a brisk pace, and realized they were following him. Fear gripped his frame.

"Ah, er." He stumbled over his words. "The, ah, queen?" He finished awkwardly. The king nodded and kept his arm steady on Frank as he guided them through the castle.

Frank's mind scattered. The king was leading him up to his death. He must be under some sort of spell! Was this what happened to all visitors at the castle? Murdered and their kingdoms left for the villains to plunder?

Ben stopped outside of a door and knocked. He called the queen's name, and put his ear to the door, his hand resting on the knob.

Frank strained to hear.

And hear he did.

He heard a sniffle and a small cough. Then Ben's face twisted and so did the doorknob under his grip. He stepped back as it opened, and then the infamous hair the media loved to cover appeared. It framed a face so enchantingly lovely and sad that Frank forgot to be afraid.

This was the queen? She looked different in real life.

She took everything in around her, reminding Frank of former Queen Belle. She picked up on the two men down the hall and he heard her whisper: "Ben, you didn't need to come up. I didn't know you were in a meeting."

Ben looked sideways at the two men he must have already known were there and turned to hide Mal from their view. They spoke softly, but he caught every word that echoed off the walls.

"Missed you."

"Missed you too."

"What happened?"

"Nothing I'm not used to. Who is this? You should introduce me."

"Mal,"

Soft, tired, but hard around the edges, Frank assessed. She looked absolutely exhausted, with her hair ratty and a bit of dirt smudged under her lip. Green eyes floated over him and the king, and he wasn't afraid for some reason.

Ben pulled her into a hug, and the green eyes vanished as she buried her head in his shoulder. He heard her start to cry softly as Adam quickly lead him back down the hall.

"She-" Frank stumbled for the words. "She didn't seem as intimidating as she was on my screen at home." Adam laughed at him despite the somber mood that had settled over them.

"Mal still faces a lot of opposition in our kingdom, especially from the older generation. She works hard to teach the citizens empathy, work, and ethics. Yet for all her hard work there are still those who say she is waiting for a chance to strike. She wants a better life for all, not a spoiled life for some while others starve." Adam rubbed Frank's shoulder as they walked. Frank twiddled his thumbs as he considered the King's words.

"Ben works hard to help others accept her. It hasn't been an easy change for any of us; the villain children still scare a lot of people." Evie, Jay, Carlos, Frank remembered. He didn't know where any of them were now, only that Mal was queen and sometimes the other kids would visit her and the newspapers would have a field day. He swallowed. Adam pushed a hand through his hair and sighed. "There's so much good we could do for everyone, but there's still so much fear." He clapped Frank on the shoulder.

"Well, here you are. It was lovely to talk to you again." He gestured to the door they'd stopped in front of. "Get some sleep old friend."

Sleep never came.

______________________________________________________________

One of his favorite bored activities was to wander the halls of Beast Castle. Thousands of years of history lingered in the forms of paintings, books, and artifacts. As he wandered, he suddenly found himself back in familiar territory. Down the hall, the light in the king's study was on. He crept closer and heard voices.

"-sleep."

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

"What's got you so hung up anyway?"

Queen Mal and King Ben. He leaned closer.

"Just stress. Ariel and Eric will be arriving tomorrow, and Arendelle decided to switch out which sister was coming to the solstice meetings." Ben replied. A shadow danced in the light from the doorway.

"Again?"

"Again again. Anna decided she couldn't afford to come because their little girl came down with the flu, but that means Elsa will be here. She's nice enough, but…"

"I've met her Ben."

"Oh, right."

There was silence. Frank contemplated knocking.

"I'm trying to work through a little more of my normal duties before I have to completely devote myself to Solstice work."

"Like what?"

"Spread of resources mainly. Upholding the law and working on the next villain kids and working out who wants me where."

"I think you should take a break for tonight. Come on, let's get you to bed." The door opened and Queen Mal led her husband out of his office. They were facing away from him and continued whispering as they walked. Frank hesitated, then looked back into the office. They'd left the light on. He poked his head in. He hadn't noticed, when he'd been in there earlier, the papers that were piling up, the stacks organized as much as chaos could allow.

He examined the calendar that sat on the King's desk. They'd run out of space on the squares, and layers of sticky notes were placed upon each date. He swallowed and turned to leave. As he faced the door, he met two very, very green eyes.

"Snooping are we?" The Queen asked with a smirk. Frank began to sweat. She extended her hand. "I'm Mal. I don't believe I've met you?"

"Frank, I- I'm Frank Cogitaire." His hand was sweaty as he shook her palm.

"Pleasure." She said curtly and moved behind him. She went to sit in Ben's chair, and Frank swallowed. He'd only ever seen the very large figures of Kings Ben and Adam there and seeing Mal's tiny frame occupying the seat was unnerving. Even more so when she pulled her sleeve up, glanced at her wrist, and then flipped her fingers up, down, and from side to side, muttering under her breath. It was a spell, he realized and stiffened. As the sparks faded, he looked around, but nothing looked different.

Mal picked up a portfolio and began looking forward. A speed-reading spell? No, she was reading at a normal pace. Had she bound him? No, he could still move around freely.

"Erm, Pardon me your highness, what was that?" He twittered.

She shrugged. "Just a basic luck spell. I don't want to mess up on these." She pulled another portfolio over and began copying down information.

"Does… Ben know you're doing this?" He inquired, leaning forward on the tips of his toes.

She glanced up at him with a sassy smile. "Are you gonna tell on me?" He gulped. Her eyes flickered back down to the papers. "No, He thinks I'm still upstairs with him. But, he's out cold, so he won't be looking for me for a while." She checked something off. "I figure I can work through these for a few hours until I get tired or until Lumiere kicks me out, whichever come first. That way he won't have as much work to do."

"So you're… what?"

"Just helping him catch up. He's very busy and so I try to help lighten the load." She checked a few things off and marked something on a sticky note before she gave a frustrated growl and swished her fingers over all the sticky notes on the calendar. Frank jumped back. The squares for the individual dates grew large and the colored paper melted away. At the same time, the squares were dictating themselves and neatly-written ink was appearing.

"Before you ask, that was simply making everything on the sticky notes transfer over." She said. She sounded annoyed. "I get that not everyone in Auradon is comfortable with the idea I can conjure and erase matter."

He suddenly felt quite… guilty. His hands dropped to his side. He stood there quietly as Lady Mal continued to file papers, copy information into a more readable format, and highlight things to help Ben find them easier. He realized at some point that it was no longer polite for him to stay standing there and he should just ask permission to leave but… the stack of papers was dwindling and it had never occurred to him that the queen would try to help out her husband.

Mal rolled her chair over to the filing cabinet and attempted to cram a portfolio into it. When it didn't work she sighed and snapped her fingers at it. Everything straightened up. Having had the same problem at home, Frank could only imagine how helpful that skill would be if he had it. It was a thought he'd never had before.

"If you don't feel comfortable with leaving, feel free to take that chair over there."

He sat down and felt faint. He hadn't realized how long he'd been standing. He didn't miss the way the queen rolled her eyes though, and briefly felt an irrational sense of distress well up. She wouldn't hurt him. The most he'd seen her use magic for was for luck and organizing.

"Surely you could just snap your fingers and the entire stack would be done, yes?" He asked.

"No." Mal shook her head. "I mean, yes technically, but ever since I got married and was legally able to help with Ben's work the public officials have been giving Ben a lot of crap about magic. They want to make sure he's not under any spells when he signs something, they want to make sure there aren't any invisible contracts included in the document that he unwittingly agrees to, things like that. You know every law is magically binding, yes?" Frank nodded. "They don't want him to endanger Auradon. Or more specifically, they don't want me to endanger Auradon. So, they check everything I might have touched and if there's any sort of magic on there besides the law magic they flip out. The most I can use is my luck spell." She sighs as she slips another portfolio into the cabinet. "And even if they weren't waiting for me to mess up so they can send me back to the Isle, the particular spell I'd have to use to make this autocomplete itself would mess something up. Like, if there's a bad law that could hurt Auradon, it wouldn't know, and it'd just sign it into order under my name. There'd be nothing we could do about it then."

Frank nodded in understanding. "So, everything has to be done by hand."

"Yes, and truth be told it's better that way." Mal hummed as she continued examining the folder.

"Why do you bother with the luck spell then?" Frank asked.

Mal met his eyes for a second and he felt that familiar ice begin to creep down his spine. "Ben was raised here. I wasn't. He's taught me things and Adam's helped me out at this, but overall I have no idea what I'm doing. I actually have to make little lists telling Ben what I did so he can make sure it's all correct." She brushed a few papers aside and revealed a list on an index card. He hadn't noticed it before.

"Wow." He said simply.

"Yeah." Mal agreed. She put the folder down and ran her hands through her purple hair. She was tired, he realized, and run thin.

"It sucks." She said, and he snapped back to attention. "Being queen? It absolutely stinks. I never, ever wanted this."

Frank couldn't deny that riled him up. Maybe being a ruler sucked, but what also sucked is when the ruling queen didn't want her job. He could only imagine the upheaval if she'd said that around a member of the press. "Then why are you here?" He said a little too harshly.

She paused and considered her answer as she considered him. His anger left quickly. No matter what she did for her husband, she was still a very powerful faerie. Something that could destroy him.

"Ben." She said after a moment. "I love Ben. That's why I'm here. Believe me, if I could somehow rip Ben away from Auradon and let someone else rule I'd take that." She fingered the edge of the folder she'd set down. "But I can't. Ben's the king and he loves this country. So I bite the bullet and take him as he is because I love him, and he bites the bullet and makes sacrifices because he loves me. It's a daily thing. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves what we give up daily because we want to support each other."

"What could you ever be giving up? He made you queen, isn't that the world to you?"

Mal leaned back and rubbed the fingers of one hand together so that they became magically charged and little pieces of magical residue stuck to her skin. "I give up magic, freedom, my friends, my husband, my past. I have to fit into the mold of the queen, perform all the duties Belle performed before me. It's not exactly a small thing."

"Then what world would you prefer he give you?"

"A world where no one was demanding anything from him or me. He could play tourney like he liked to do and I could do magic."

As much as it hurt his pride to think so, Frank had to acknowledge that without context it seemed such a small thing. This was a new bride who wished her husband was around to love her more. She wished the world wasn't enforcing restrictions on her for something they didn't understand. Maybe that's why he never responded.

Mal continued work, and after four hours of complete silence, she'd managed to clear the entirety of Ben's desk except for a stack about 24 centimeters high on the very corner of said desk. Occasionally she snapped her fingers like Mary Poppins had when she'd come to visit Frank at his castle and everything straightened up: the white board, the map, the desk drawers, the pencil holder, the side table, the cords, and even the printer jumped to her aide, refilling and summoning and landing in perfect organization.

As she started on the very first folder of the last stack, Lumiere appeared in the doorway in a nightcap and gown. "Queen Mal?" He mumbled incoherently. Mal glanced up but said nothing. She spread the contents of the folder out and kept work up. Lumiere examined the room. "Again?" He asked. He twisted the clock on the desk to check the time. "It's half past three!" Mal flinched. "You have ambassadors from Arendelle, Arabia, Powhatan, Westerly, Tangletown, Motunui, Schwartzvald, and twenty-seven from Faraway arriving tomorrow for the solstice meetings! How are you going to manage?"

Mal mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like "a lot of luck."

"Not funny," Lumiere sighed. He began shutting off lights. "Out, out." He yawned.

"Come on, Lumiere. Let me just finish this last stack and then I'll head to bed."

"You'll be up to four at that point. Go now." Lumiere fixed Frank with a cold look. "You as well. You have bags under your eyes." Frank felt his face.

"Just this last folder-" Lumiere snatched the folder away and Mal's mouth shut. Lumiere helped pull her out of the chair and usher her towards the door. Frank took a hint and slipped out a moment before Lumiere pushed Mal out on top of him. He jumped out of the way. The former candelabra shut off the last of the lights with a mighty yawn and locked the door behind him. He held the key up to Mal's face.

"This is the key to the office. You will take it up with you to bed and put it on Ben's nightstand, like you always do. You will not come down here and unlock the door." He palmed the key to her. "Yes, I know you do not need the key to unlock the door, but we both know what Ben and his family will say if I tell them you came back after I threw you out."

"You won't tell Ben, right?"

"I won't need to. You must have gone through the last three weeks of work he's been putting aside for after the solstice. How long were you in there?"

Mal shrugged. Frank felt dumbfounded. Three weeks of work? Lumiere groaned. "If I have to check the offices every night at midnight, I will. You and Ben should not be up this late ever." He pointed down the hall. "Bed, now. I'm going to escort Mr. Cogitare to his room and mark my words, if you're not there when I double around I'll go straight to Belle and Adam and wake them up."

Frank well remembered the days when his own servants had threatened to tell his parents about his sneaking around and gulped. He was glad none of them were nearly as frigid as the normally exuberant Lumiere was being.

Mal slipped away with her head bowed and Lumiere yawned as he walked Frank back to his room like he was a delinquent child. Not a word was spoken between the two men other than 'Goodnight.'

______________________________________________________________

He managed to find his way downstairs for breakfast, a miracle since he'd had to wait for a servant to give him directions the last time he'd been here. It was easier this time because all he had to do was follow the sound of King Ben's laughter.

He entered the dining room just in time to watch Ben spit orange juice out his nose at a joke his wife was telling him. Bella and Adam were laughing along.

The queen was clearly tired, with dark shadows under her eyes, but she was happy and that disguised a majority of her exhaustion.

Upon noticing him, Ben stood and bowed to Frank. "Hello Sir Cogitaire," He said as he tried to wipe the liquid from above his mouth with a wince. "You're just in time for breakfast. The queen is entertaining us." Ben smirked at Mal. Mal raised an innocent eyebrow.

Frank took a seat beside the former King, who said good morning to him through his boisterous laughter.

The queen's plate was covered with a very large cinnamon roll and many, many strawberries. While everyone else had orange juice, she appeared to have a strawberry smoothie. Frank assumed he'd deduced her very obvious favorite food.

"Would you like to hear a joke?" Mal asked him. Queen Belle and King Adam leaned forward to give her their attention. Ben pretended, very deliberately, that he hadn't heard her. As he raised his glass of orange juice to his lips, she waved her hand and his drink became akin to an extremely carbonized white soda with many black bubbles rising rapidly. He took a sip and coughed before he reexamined his drink. But before he could spot the change, it'd turned back to orange juice. Frank snorted as he cast a knowing look to Mal.

"Alright. What's the joke?" He asked.

"It's a blonde joke but I only know one blonde." Mal said as she reached up and pushed Ben's hair off to the side in a ridiculous style.

"No, you don't. Carlos is a blonde."

"Carlos has white hair."

"That's blonde!"

"Belle, define blonde please."

"Fair, or pale yellow."

"Mom, you're supposed to be on my side!"

Mal smirked. "Okay, three people, who all happen to look like this dork here-" Ben pouted. "-all go for a walk. They come upon some tracks. The first lookalike says 'Those are deer tracks.' The second says 'Those are elk tracks.' And the third says 'Those are moose tracks.'" Mal paused to sip on her smoothie as the four listeners pondered over her words.

"They were all still arguing with each other when the train hit them."

Ben snorted first and then dissolved into laughter. Frank couldn't stop himself from chortling as the former king and queen began to chuckle beside him. Meanwhile, Mal idly sipped her smoothie.

It occurred to Frank that he was sitting at a table with a woman who last week he'd shivered to see on TV.

"I accused Ben of liking his side of the family more than mine," Mal winked at Ben, letting Frank know that this was not an actual conversation the two had had. "He responded: 'of course not! I like your mother-in-law way more than mine!"

Ben's phone buzzed and he glanced at it and groaned. "This is from the Zootopia representation: 'Due to a complication involving city safety, Mayor Mindmammal will be arriving a day late.'"

Belle shook her head. "They always seem to be running into complications."

Adam nodded in agreement. "They really ought to just join us via video call."

"I don't blame him for wanting to be here though. The party is top notch." Ben said. Frank silently agreed as Mal twiddled her thumbs. As Ben took another drink, she flicked her fingers at her drink and the same black-and-white substance appeared. Ben sputtered again, but it was back to normal when he took a dubious look at it. Mal examined her nails as he fake-glared at her.

"What is that stuff?" Frank couldn't stop himself from asking.

"What stuff?" Mal asked innocently.

"It's a soda-pop she invented herself. It's actually quite good, but it throws you off when you're expecting orange juice concentrate and suddenly your mouth is full of shrinking and expanding bubbles." Ben explained with none too few pointed looks at his wife.

"Shrinking and expanding bubbles?" Frank asked, not sure he wanted the answer to that question.

"They're solid and each has their own unique taste. They pop once they're in your mouth but it's still disorientating." Ben raised his glass toward his wife. She rolled her eyes and clinked her smoothie glass against his.

Belle cleared her throat lightly. "I heard somebody – sorry – two somebodies were found in Ben's office around four a.m. last night." She gave a pointed look to Mal and Frank, who shrunk and withered under her gaze.

"Four a.m?" Ben exclaimed. He spun in his seat and began to examine the purplette beside him. Mal waved him off.

"Lumiere was exaggerating; it wasn't quite four a.m."

Former King Adam snorted, and rose from the table. "Sounds like a sorry excuse." He commented. "Unfortunately, I need to excuse myself to prepare to welcome our guests." Which was a nice way of saying he needed to fix the bush of bedhead on his scalp and also that a shower would do justice for the way his feet were dragging behind him. He took Belle's hand. "Want to stay here?" He asked.

The queen shook her hand. "No, I'd better leave too. It was lovely to see you all this morning." She allowed Adam to help her out of her chair and guide her to the door and Frank was reminded of Ben's unending chivalry with the purple-haired faerie on the other side of the table."

Ben was staring hard and Mal was pressing her finger idly on the ridge of the glass, making it sing. "How much did you do?" He asked.

Mal shrugged. "My part, I guess. You know that that responsibility lies on both the king and queen, right?"

Ben turned to Frank. "How much did she do?" He asked.

"Wait, you can't just ask him because I won't tell you!" Mal protested.

Frank suddenly felt very unsure of himself. "I – erm." He stuttered as he found himself faced with an unrelenting king and an adamant queen. "She, erm, did a lot but there's still some left?"

"How much is left?" Ben asked, stone-faced. Mal groaned and took about five strawberries off the plate to drown her repulsion for the conversation in.

"Um, one stack about-" Frank held his shaking hands up to gauge the height of the single tower on Ben's desk. "-that high."

Ben's mouth fell open in shock and he went very quiet. Mal had tuned herself out and was now sipping her smoothie and ravishing her strawberry supply as she admired the sunlight. Frank slowly moved back to his food.

"Thank you," Ben said, so quietly Frank had to look back up to make sure he'd heard it.

"It wasn't a problem," Mal said. She yawned a little and Ben began to chuckle.

"I appreciate you," Ben told her. The words sounded more sincere than anything Frank had ever heard. He felt like he was witnessing a private exchange as he watched the king take his queen's hand. She shrugged a little with a smile, and they sat there together for a small piece of eternity.

Lumiere appeared in the doorway. "Your highness, I regret to interrupt you but we have received word that representatives from Tangletown will be here in thirty minutes.

Ben groaned. "I guess I have to get ready then." Lumiere laughed at him.

Ben ran his thumb over Mal's knuckles once more and then released her. He stood up and took his plate with him as he left the room, desperately trying to finish his bacon. The two of them listened to his heels click away. About thirty seconds later, they heard him yell "Goodness gracious Mal! How much did you do?"

Before Frank could fully focus on his food once more Mal yawned loudly. She muttered a small spell and the bowl of strawberries refilled in the center of the table. She picked it up and offered it to him. "Want any?" She asked. Frank shook his head with wide eyes. Mal shrugged and stood up with the entire bowl still in hand. She walked out while simultaneously trying to stuff the largest of the strawberries into her mouth.

Frank sat back to consider what he'd learned: the queen had invented her own soda, and also she appeared to have a severe strawberry addiction. And jokes. About blondes. Specifically, Ben.

He shook his head and dragged the entire plate of eggs closer to him. Food; yes, please.

______________________________________________________________

Three hours later Frank was wandering around the castle grounds. He'd already revisited all his favorite spots, like the love-lock fountain and the midnight circlet and the Beast's old rose garden, where Belle's father had plucked the rose that the Beast had claimed punishment for.

As he made his way out to the front, he spotted a carriage out front. Ben, Mal, Belle, and Adam were making their way down the steps towards it. Just before they reached it, a footman opened the carriage door and helped the matriarch Queen Elsa down. The ice queen was dressed in a darker blue gown with her characteristic slit up the side. She thanked the footman and turned to greet the four royals as her two girls hopped out of the carriage unaided. Little Ellen and Marie, 10 and 8. Only Marie had inherited her mother's intense powers, but Ellen was the future queen and the more serious, sophisticated one. Her power was held in her head, and Marie's in her hand.

While Belle, Adam, and Ben shook Elsa's hand and exchanged greetings, Mal knelt down and shook both girls' hands with a smile. She said something which made them laugh. Frank started to walk over.

One of the girls let out an excited speak – probably Marie – and they started squabbling and shaking their hands around. Elsa took Ellen's hand and examined it before she smiled and brushed her daughter's hair with her fingertips.

"What is it?" He heard Ben ask.

"Oh, I just animated their nails," Mal replied.

"Look Mama! There's a little deer in there now." Marie tried to shove her fingers into Elsa's field of vision.

"Wow, just like Bambi!" Belle commented. Marie giggled.

"We'd better show you into the castle," Adam commented offhandedly.

"Queen Mal, can I show you what I can do now with my powers?"

"Of course you can, but we've got to show you where you're staying."

"Oh, we already know. We were here last year."

"Then maybe you can lead the way and beat us all there?"

As Marie rushed ahead of the group and Belle and Adam began to talk with Elsa, Frank watched Ben slink to the back of the group and pick up Mal's hand. They followed everyone up the steps with their hands swinging between each other.

______________________________________________________________

The things Frank witnessed over the course of the next week could only be described using the simplest form of words. He saw the King excuse himself from two meetings to hug his wife, once slipping out and reappearing so quickly no one even noticed he'd left. They were fond of quiet spots in loud rooms and the angles cameras couldn't catch. Frank learned to ask Lumiere where the royal couple were, not to try looking. The former candelabra was well acquainted with their hiding spots and always seemed to know where they were. The one time he hadn't known Frank had found them accidentally by watching dust fall (They'd been hiding on top of the chandelier).

Ben refused further questions from five different reporters who accused Mal of witchcraft. Mal fell asleep twice in his office, reading through paperwork he'd been too tired to get through. Ben kept strawberries for her in a small fridge in his office, and she brought food to him in-between meetings.

Mal would practice magic. She'd turn Ben's drinks into soda when he wasn't looking, and when she shook hands with any of the little girls, she'd animate their nail polish so the solid colors waved and the decorations danced.

He could see Mal and Ben dancing on their balcony from his window when he got up in the morning, even if they'd worn their feet out by dancing the night before. Ben stuck around so he could easily steal her away from judgmental people and goodness gracious he couldn't figure out what sort of signal they had for that!

The week flew by even faster than it had when Belle and Adam had hosted the event. After the long meetings and negotiations, the entire kingdom topped it off with an all-night party. Frank watched from afar as the king guided his wife towards the dance floor. She was wearing her cotillion dress, the one she'd conjured after returning from dragon form at the head of the cotillion ship. She hadn't worn that in ages. It was strange to see it on her.

He was sad that he'd have to go back home to his own, boring castle. Where there was no mischievous queen who liked to perform magic to play small pranks. So, as soon as the king rounded off the dance with her, he walked forward.

"King Ben, would it be acceptable if I took a dance with the queen?"

Ben shrugged and put his hands in his pockets with a goofy smile. "I don't know. She's right here, you can ask her yourself."

Frank turned a little red. "Queen Mal, could I please have this dance with you?"

"I'm… not a great dancer." The queen admitted. She twisted the edge of her glove. "But if you're okay with that then sure."

"I am." He assured her.

He only got one dance that night, but it was nice and the queen was nice and the evening was nice. He couldn't deny his entire opinion of Mal had been turned on its head since he arrived. In fact, he was admittedly jealous that the King had managed to procure such a bride, though he was proud to say he had a person of such great character as his queen. This he told Ben as a footman loaded his luggage into the carriage at the end of his trip.

"She really is one of the most amazing people I've ever met." He said.

Ben laughed. "Yes, I got lucky."

"I hope one day I can meet the other three members of the original four. How many kids are living in Auradon from the Isle again?"

"Almost 400." Ben smiled.

"That is just unfeasible." Frank shook his head. "Well, it was lovely to be here and I'm truly happy to say I have met the Queen." He turned to smile at the sarcastic purple girl. "I hope I get invited back next time."

Ben laughed with him. "Of course, old friend. I hope you have a safe trip back to your home."

"As do I. Until we meet again." Frank climbed into the carriage and waved at the four royals as they left.

Frank rode off into the sunset towards home enlightened. He couldn't wait for the next year to roll around and for it to once again be time to travel to the Beast's Castle for the Solstice Meetings.

[minijenn]

And now, cause im bored, here's every chapter of Keys briefly summed up in just a few words each (possible spoilers ahead??)

Prologue: The Thirteen Keys: MoM fucks with his students, what else is new

Chapter 1: Remaining Recusant: Riku rescues his boyfriend through the power of Gay

Chapter 2: To Guard the Light: Bunch of boring lore but Sokai makes it worth it

Chapter 3: To Seek the Darkness: Organization shenanigans; Vanitas divorces his shitty, abusive not-dad

Chapter 4: Hero to Zero: Uhhhhh fuckin' Hercules or somethin idk

Chapter 5: Go the Distance: Rage Mode angst is Fun

Chapter 6: Wandering in the Dark: Riku gets a haircut in the Realm of Darkness and Sora really needs to stop lying to everyone

Chapter 7: Promising Beginnings: Kairi and Lea are forced to wear a "get along" shirt

Chapter 8: Lazy Afternoon Streets: Sora has an Identity Crisis part 1

Chapter 9: At Dusk: YA STUPID ORG XIII FUCKHEADS BEST LEAVE MY SON ALONE OR ELSE ILL THROW HANDS

Chapter 10: Sinister Whispers: ^^^ BASICALLY THAT AGAIN ONLY I MEAN IT THIS TIME

Chapter 11: You've Got a Friend in Me: Being a living toy has gotta create some sorta existential crisis, right?

Chapter 12: To Infinity and Beyond: JEN IS GONNA THROW HANDS WITH YOUNG XEHANORT I SWEAR TO GOD I AM

Chapter 13: Chase the Shadows: Detectives Mickey and Riku play a round of "Where's Terra?" And fail miserably

Chapter 14: Paradise Found: Fun with Balloons and Grumpy Geriatrics

Chapter 15: Adventure is Out There: Sora may or may not fall to his death from ridiculously high up in the air i dont fuckin know

Chapter 16: Unspoken, Unheard: Kairi writes Sora a bunch of letters cause she loves him so much but wont say it cause she shy ahah

Chapter 17: How Far I'll Go: MOANA AND SORA ARE MY NEW BROTP

Chapter 18: Know Who You Are: Vanitas gets yeeted by the Ocean cause he a naughty boyo

Chapter 19: The Streets of San Fransokyo: Sora doesnt understand how Technology works what else is new?

Chapter 20: Immortals: everything's all fun and games until Sora's dumbass self-sacrifical complex kicks in (again)

Chapter 21: Depths of Despair: LOOKS LIKE I GOTTA THROW HANDS WITH MALEFICENT NOW TOO

Chapter 22: Rise and Fall and Rise Again: Sora and Kairi hang out and DAMMIT JUST KISS ALREADY YOU DORKS

Chapter 23: The Lost Empire: Lingering Will pops in to say hi and also uhhhh whatever the fuck happens in Atlantis goes down idk

Chapter 24: Where the Dream Takes You: Sora may or may not have PTSD, boi should probs go see a therapist

Chapter 25: Drowning in Darkness: Aqua throws hands then proceeds to get Norted

Chapter 26: I See the Light: Basically KH3's take on Corona but things actually make sense this time

Chapter 27: What Once Was Mine: In which that bit from KH3 where Marluxia knocks Sora out actually leads to some legit payoff smh

Chapter 28: Firsthand Experience: Kairi and Lea take a trip to Disney World and yeet Vanitas (again) right the fuck outta there

Chapter 29: The World Es Mi Familia: Being an (unliving) skeleton also is bound to raise an existential crisis, right?

Chapter 30: Recuérdame: I cry while writing this chapter, both for my baby Xion and because Coco is just that damn tearjerking

Chapter 31: Destined Reunion: ALL THE POLY DESTINY TRIO FEELS

Chapter 32: Something There: At this point even Riku be lookin at Sora and Kairi and shouting "KISS ALREADY YOU ADORABLE DORKS"

Chapter 33: Tale as Old as Time: Sora commits an Actual Murder (am i kidding? Who knooooows)

Chapter 34: The Realm of Darkness: DARK AQUA CAN STEP ON MAH FACE IMO

Chapter 35: Rise to the Light: Great, now Aqua has PTSD too, thanks for nothin, Mickey

Chapter 36: Return to Depart: Sora has another Identity Crisis, part 2

Chapter 37: Broken Chains: Vanitas challenges Sora and Ven to a fight in the Denny's parking lot and fucking loses what else is new

Chapter 38: So This is Love: YES THEY FINALLY KISSED THOSE DORKS

Chapter 39: Almost There: Frogs and also like... Voodoo and so many BBS callbacks so damn many

Chapter 40: Dig a Little Deeper: Sora is too damn stubborn to admit he needs help what else is new

Chapter 41: Follow the Light: Wayfinder Family Reunion saves my life

Chapter 42: Solving Mysteries, Rewriting History: Sora and Goofy meet Donalds family (who then proceed to take the piss outta Donald cause this is Ducktales fam why wouldnt they)

Chapter 43: The Other Promise: Sora has yet another Identity Crisis, part 3

Chapter 44: Vector to the Heavens: Sora and Roxas drink their "Respect and Protect Xion" juice

Chapter 45: Another Arabian Night: Sora, Roxas, and Xion fuck around in a B-list Disney Direct to Video Sequel

Chapter 46: Out of Thin Air: GONNA THROW HANDS WITH XEHANORT HIMSELF THIS TIME AROUND GET AWAY FROM MY SON YA OLD FUCKHEAD

Chapter 47: Alone on the Run: Sora has a Bad Time, Riku and Kairi also have a Bad Time, generally everyone has a Bad Time

Chapter 48: Trust No One: Ven and Roxas add onto the never ending Twin Pile that apparently exists in Gravity Falls

Chapter 49: Not What He Seems: I KNOW ITS NOT UF BUT LOOKS LIKE I GOTTA THROW HANDS WITH BILL CIPHER ANYWAY SOMEHOW

Chapter 50: A Heart Torn Between: Vanitas learns that Girls exist while Sora continues to have a Very Bad Time

Chapter 51: Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride: Riku's goin on a twink hunt, and dont think he dont know how to weeeeed em out

Chapter 52: Aloha 'Oe: Sora and Riku get into a bit of a lover's spat dont worry about it its nothin serious dont worry about it

Chapter 53: Treasured Memories: Namine is the Very First Person Ever to tell Vanitas he has emotional issues, its about damn time

Chapter 54: Let It Go: KAIRI'S FUCKIN PISSED SHE GONNA BRING HER DAMN DUMBASS WAYWARD BOYFRIEND HOME ALREADY DAMN also Sora hangs out with Elsa i guess

Chapter 55: Love Will Thaw: KAIRI KICKS EVERYONES ASSES INCLUDING SORA'S CAUSE LIKE I SAID SHES FUCKIN PISSED

Chapter 56: Back Into the Fold: Sora doesnt have an Identity Crisis anymore but he sure as hell has Anxiety now, part 4

Chapter 57: Farewell to the Wood: Absolute tone whiplash, brought to you by Winnie the Pooh and Sora's ongoing Existential Crisis too

Chapter 58: Link to All: Everyone just cries a lot for an entire chapter cause they all know they boutta fuckin dieeeee

Chapter 59: Face My Fears: I systematically rip every single one of our protagonists hearts out and stomp on each of them with no remorse whatsoever

Chapter 60: Fragments of Light: The B-Squad saves the day

Chapter 61: The Thirteenth Vessel: Sora hangs out with his New Fam, otherwise known as Organization XIII, family fun ensues and it totally isnt a massive angstfest i dont know what you mean

Chapter 62: Key to the Heart: Riku and Kairi throw hands with their boyfriend while also trying to save their boyfriend it makes sense if ya dont think about it

Chapter 63: The Final World: Sora is McFuckin dead and chilling in heaven with a cute baby plushie cat (hey its not a spoiler if KH3 did it first)

Chapter 64: At Daybreak: "But Jen, if you hate KHX so much then why do you keep making so many references to it???" BECAUSE THATS WHY NOW SHUT UP

Chapter 65: The Keyblade War: Keyblade Fight Club, either you Die or you DIE

Chapter 66: Clash of Light and Darkness: Bunch of teenagers throw hands with some bald old fuckhead, but in the end nobody wins except me

Chapter 67: Kingdom Hearts: You know you're in for something fucking nuts when the chapter title is named after the entire series

Chapter 68: The King and the Crown: Jen pulls off a plot twist so mind blowingly ridiculous that it would probably make Tetsuya Nomura blush

Chapter 69: Reconnect: Everyone has a happy ending except no not really i lied

Chapter 70: Don't Think Twice: Oops I Lied again :)

Epilogue: Dearly Beloved: Fuck KH3's ending this is my new canon now

[flickdirect]

Nostalgically missing my Disney annual passes, my mind wanders back to one of my favorite rides singing Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me...but if you rode the ride as many times as I have, you would remember the first words you hear after setting sail. Dead Men Tell No Taaaaaaaaaales.

It makes perfect sense that Disney would eventually use it as a title in one of their biggest grossing film series, Pirates of the Caribbean. Even more so, that the film itself would echo that nostalgic tone.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, one of the summer's big box office hits, will be released this week on DVD, Blu-ray and a beautiful 4k Ultra edition! If you were one of the few that didn't get to see this film in theaters over the summer, let me give you a little insight into "Dead Men Tell No Tales".

The film starts off with young Henry jumping off a boat, with rocks tied to his leg, sinking to the bottom of the ocean, landing on the Flying Dutchman and telling his father Will Turner (Orlando Bloom; The Lord of the Rings Trilogy) that he will free Will from the curse that keeps him on the Dutchman with a treasure he read about….Poseidon's Trident.

Nine years later Henry's Captain sails into the Devil's Triangle and is attacked by Captain Salazar (Oscar Award Winner Javier Bardem; No Country For Old Men) and his crew of the dead. Henry, who's in the brig at the moment, comes face to face with Captain Salazar, and the captain tells Henry he has nothing to worry about because he always leaves someone alive to tell the tale. He also asks Henry to give a message to Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp: Edward Scissorhands)… "Death will come straight to him'. Of course, he would tell Sparrow himself, but alas dead men tell no tales (didn't see that coming did you?).

Elsewhere, no man nor army has ever stolen the gold from St. Martin and yet while showing off the unbreakable safe, they open it to find Jack Sparrow, and he is not alone. Jack's crew then, while trying to hijack the safe, actually pulls the whole Bank from its foundation, dragging it through the streets of St Martin with Jack dragging behind. During the chase, Jack briefly meets Carina Smyth (Kaya Scodelario; The Maze Runner series) and helps her escape from her own troubles (accused of being a "witch" is never easy). The heist didn't go as planned and his crew turn their backs on Jack. Jack trades his trusty compass for a bottle of rum at one of the local taverns and that action unlocks Captain Salazar from his cursed prison. He is now on the hunt for Sparrow!

Captain Hector Barbosa (Oscar Award winner Geoffrey Rush; Shine, The Kings Speech) makes a deal with a witch that gives him Jack's Compass and he then decides to make a deal with the dead Captain Salazar…."I can find Jack if you let me live".

Once again Jack Sparrow is captured and sentenced to die in the courtyard with young Carina as well, but Young Henry Turner (Brenton Thwaites; Maleficent, Gods of Egypt) steps in and, in a wild sequence, help the two escape death, with an assist from Jack's Crew. Once free, the three team up with hopes of finding the greatest treasure, Poseidon's Trident.

What makes Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales so fantastic is the storyline echoes the past with a new generation, while touching on the heart of the original Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl characters. The love triangle of Jack Sparrow, Will Turner and Elizabeth Swan (Keira Knightley; The Imitation Game) was the heart of the original 3 films and now it's the next generation taking over the mantel….while of course Johnny Depp steers the show. You simply can't have a Pirates of the Caribbean film without Captain Jack Sparrow!!

Even the soundtrack, from the opening sequence with young Henry, echoes the love theme when we saw Turner kiss Swan in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. While this is the first Pirates film without the great Hans Zimmer (Sherlock Holmes) at the helm…Geoff Zanelli (one of Zimmer's protégés) did wonders keeping the soundtrack alive and fresh while making it nostalgic as well.

Personally, the previous installment, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides wasn't one of my favorites. It sailed off in a completely different direction and honestly, that may have been just what was needed, so that once we went back to these original characters, it would create that warm feeling in our hearts. As the saying goes, "you have to lose some things to give you the opportunity to miss them".

I give mad props to the special effects department!! What they did with Captain Salazar and his crew, from the floating hair to the crewmembers missing limbs were just truly badass! The 2160p High Definition video quality of the 4K Blu-ray make these features stand out beautifully and simply give the whole film a sharpness and vibrancy that is outstanding. The Dolby Atmos audio is not to be rivaled and showcases the aforementioned soundtrack. There is also a well-done mix of dialogue, soundtrack and effect and nothing overpowers the other.

The 4k Edition is LOADED with Special Features!! Hours of fun stuff to watch…they include:

Dead Men Tell More Tales: The Making of a New Adventure – Get unique access into the making of this exciting new "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie with this collection of revealing and entertaining stories that you can view individually or as a "play all."

A Return to the Sea – Two talented filmmakers, Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg, team up to bring "Pirates of the Caribbean" back to the screen. Hear how this new chapter of the tale was developed.

Telling Tales: A Sit-down with Brenton & Kaya – Meet Brenton Thwaites and Kaya Scodelario, the young actors behind Henry and Carina. The two sit down together for a revealing conversation on becoming a part of the "Pirates of the Caribbean" film franchise and its continuing legacy.

The Matador & The Bull: Secrets of Salazar & The Silent Mary – Oscar-winner Javier Bardem reveals more about his menacing new character and the foreboding ship he helms.

First Mate Confidential – Go on-set along with Kevin McNally, the affable actor behind the feisty Mr. Gibbs, Captain Jack's reliable first mate from all five movies.

Deconstructing the Ghost Sharks – Peer below the depths at how these ferocious, mythical monsters were designed and brought to life.

Wings Over the Caribbean – Captain Jack has a memorable encounter with Sir Paul McCartney – rock 'n' roll royalty.

An Enduring Legacy – Take one more look at the "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales" experience and the impact of "Pirates of the Caribbean" -- the movies, the ride and beyond.

Bloopers of the Caribbean

Jerry Bruckheimer Photo Diary

and Deleted Scenes

I give "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales" 5 Gold doubloons of 5! If you're a Pirates fan, then this should be in your collection for sure! Oh and By The way….make sure you watch till the end of the credits. There's a bonus scene that may have just dictated Pirates 6!.....Drink up me 'earties, yo ho. Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me!

About Sean Ferguson Sean's background in advertising, and love of the cinema brought Sean to reviewing films and interviewing the people behind the scenes involved in bringing this art form to life. His goal, to promote the best Hollywood has to offer!

Read more reviews and content by Sean Ferguson.

via FlickDirect Entertainment News and Film Reviews