#also they actually go back to the poetry night again and that time around castiel reads a poet he wrote for dean

[castieldelamancha]

Dean looks down at his lap and notices the little mountain of paper pieces that he has created there, his hands nervously tearing up into small pieces the brochure the bubbly young girl that welcomed them at the door gave him when they got to the bar.

Castiel, who was apparently talking to Dean, he doesn't know what about, because he wasn't paying attention, follows his gaze down and, slowly, pries the last remnants of what is left of the bright yellow brochure from Dean's hands.

"Dean, is everything okay?" Dean nods giving Cas a smile that he hopes is convincing enough, and judging by the way Castiel stares at him it probably isn't.

Get a grip man, he tells himself, what are you, fifteen?

Nervous, he is nervous, because he thought this whole night out for Cas and Cas is important and he refuses to let this be anything but perfect. Like he can control every little thing, like he can't accept he actually can't do that.

He takes Cas out on dates now, because they are part of the human experience, because secretly he had always yearned for the chance to do normal things like that with someone he loved, even tough he never thought he could love so much, so fiercely, so openly as he loves his Cas. They spend so much time together nowadays and Dean loves it, but he felt every activity was too much Dean and not enough Castiel. Even if they enjoy similar things and Castiel doesn't seem to mind what they do that much, Dean put all his energy into finding something that they could share but that could mean something more for Cas.

He found this amateur poetry reading night, and he thought, why not? He convinced himself, and then his brain went and gave him a list of why not's while he drove them here.

"I just want this to be good, that's all, okay?" He finally confesses, because Cas is still staring, tone light, as if he wasn't that worried, not at all.

Castiel's eyes soften at that, he puts away the ruined brochure and reaches for one of Dean's hands, interlacing their fingers together, the movement almost causing the pieces of paper mountain to crumble down.

"If it isn't," he says, apparently reading Dean like the open book he is to him these days, "it won't be your fault, I will still appreciate your thoughtfulness, and I will still appreciate the time we spend together."

Dean doesn't even know what he was worrying about, this is Castiel, he reminds himself. He made his way throughout Hell just to get him, to help him, to protect him, to be by his side, over and over again. He can survive two hours of shitty poetry, if it's even shitty. Maybe Dean is judging these strangers too harshly. He squeezes Castiel's hands, unable to say anything since the lights are turning off and people are clapping around them for the first person taking the stage.

Half an hour later Dean decides it isn't boring, nor is it awful, his brain can suck it up. He hasn't let go of Castiel's hand yet, and it isn't in his plans to do so any time soon either.

Struck me like a bolt of lightning,

brought my heart back back to life

The man on stage reads out loud, and Dean, Dean simply turns to look at Cas, watching his focused profile,

the brightness of this light of yours,

fighting off the gloom of this shadow of mine.

Castiel turns to look at him then, mouthing an I love you at him that Dean leans in to whisper right back at him.

[hippychick006]

Misha Panel 

I’ve done this summary as it helps to have what Misha actually says to hand as more often than not, his stans misquote him. It’s also useful as Misha often changes things - as he appears to have done between his last virtual panel and this one. Note, I’m only focusing on the key parts where he talks about the show/Jared/Jensen.  It is not free of anti castiel/misha comments where I disagree, though those are few and far between for a change. It’s long so putting under a cut... 

- Misha confirms his filming finished in March prior to Covid [this comes up later in more detail].  Watching the last epiosode was an emotional experience for him.  For him, it represents the end of a chapter of his life. 

- Misha says fandoms not going anywhere [*hisses]

- Misha’s future work/projects?: working on senate race in georgia, publishing a book of poetry, couple of film projects he’s trying to get off the ground, one he’s not acting/directing in, the other he may act and/or direct 

- Jack brought Cass back but we didn’t get to see it, what happened?: different ending originally that Covid restrictions made impossible to produce. Cool ending involved bringing back lots of cast members over the years.  In the original ending, Castiel hadn’t gone to rebuild heaven, there was a different conclusion for him.  Misha purposely did not read the last two episodes before they aired as he wanted to be an audience member. He knew a little about Castiel/Jack’s fate in the abstract, but because he wasn’t in it, he doesn’t know what the answer was. He thinks them rebuilding heaven was less boots on the ground and more at a spiritual level [so he’s talking at the metaphysical/spiritual plane level and not corporeal) so they are everywhere (e.g. in drops of rain as per Jack’s speech to Sam in 19). That’s what I’m understanding at least.  He says that’s pure speculation though.]

- what qualities does castiel have similar to Misha?: there are a lot of similar qualities [backstabber comes immediately to my mind tbh]. Over time he and the character melded. Over time he evolved into something that didn’t quite fit in with either angels or humanity, he felt like an outsider which Misha has felt for much of his life. He became softer, more sensitive, he tried to do the right thing and be a good person. Oh wow, he says that in order to write to play to Misha’s strengths, the character had to “morph a bit”.  I loved bad!ass Castiel, he’s my favourite Castiel!

- What one thing will he take with him from playing Castiel?: on a professional level, it was fascinating to play a character for so many years. He discussed with J2 recently that the characters really became part of them. He doesn’t think that will happen again, just due to length of time the played them. On watching Jensen’s death scene, he cried but it was more “That’s Cass’ friend Dean dying”  It was weird to have a blurring of lines between yourself and your character but he thinks that’s what happened with all of them. He’ll take the character away, which will be a part of him forever. 

- Misha made fortune cookes and put inside lewd and inappropriate fortunes

[I don’t get this next bit as earlier in the panel he says he didn’t read the last two episodes so didn’t know what was going to happen and gave the answer I documented above and now we have this next question where his answer seems to contradict that]:

- Is there anything more he can say about the originally planned finale?:  He doesn’t want to be the one to reveal these state secrets, but what are they going to do, fire him?  He feels someone might have said to him, please don’t reveal what was going to happen, but can’t remember for sure if it’s true. He says there was a version of Sam and Dean’s heaven that was populated with all of the people that were from their past that they have come to love.  They could not do that because of Covid restrictions. 

- Favourite behind the scenes memory of “The boys”: He doesn’t have a favourite memory, they were close friends for 12 years. They had laughing fits and fights and got pissed off at each other. Some of his fondest memories of being at work anywhere were working on Supernatural.  He’s never going to be on a set again where there is so much mirth so he’s going to miss that for sure.

- he’s talking about Castiel’s wardrobe which is actually funny - e.g. original suit 3 sizes to big, sometimes showing blood and holes, sometimes being magically fixed, not wearing a tie, going back to wearing a tie... “Nobody complained about that too much...” [uh because some of us were watching other things and your own stans were looking at the background.]  He stole some trenchcoats and has them in his closet.

- How do you prepare for emotional scenes?: it’s hard for him to get into that emotional state. To prepare for the Castiel’s declaration of love scene and taken by the empty, Misha needs to be off by himself and not chatting with people, so for that scene he sat on his own in a dark corner of the stage and ruminated on his own.  Rob Hayter, stunt coordinator, noticed and stood sentinel and made sure no one disturbed him which Misha said was really sweet.  Everyone stopped fucking around for that scene to allow them to do what they needed to do.

-  How did you feel when you read the script when Castiel dies?: Misha knew for a long time that ending was coming, he’d been speaking to Rob Berens about it, he was really happy with it.  It was the ending he’d wanted for Cass so when he read the script, he was really happy it had made it to the page [i bet it was Misha, how are those destiel sales going through your Stands company?]. It felt it was a little “risky and a little brave” for the show to do [on a fucking network that is number one in Glaad reviews?  Are you being fucking serious right now?] He was happy to be a part of that [again sales] and have that character express love like that so he was happy with it. 

[Okay, so notice in his last virtual panel 2 weeks ago, he was very happy, he’s now starting to do exactly what he did with Karla movie as he goes on to say...]

He’s seen “some people” [you mean lgbtq+ people?!]  “complaining” about this is playing into the “bury the gays” trope which is an insidious and real trope in film and television storytelling in h/w over the years. Misha doesn’t think that’s what was happening with Castiel’s [he died second after the confession MIsha!] First of all Castiel isn’t dead, he’s in heaven working to rebuild it... [you didn’t know this 2 weeks ago, as far as you knew Castiel died and went to the empty].  So much good came from that declaration, because Cass was able to save Dean, which was essential to saving the world, so this declaration wasn’t so then fate strikes you down and you’re done forever. The declaration literally ended up saving the world. It was of Cass’ own volition, he wasn’t forced to do it, it was his choice, and he thinks that’s important, so maybe he’s naieve and doesn’t feel they are playing into that trope. 

[You were absolutely playing into that trope Misha and you didn’t give a shit as you did no research on playing an lgbtq+ character so sincerely fuck off]

He’s glad that Castiel got to express that and have that ending. He thinks thats kind of important and he’s proud the show did that. [again fuck off, this was done for you and it showed]  He thinks its a conversation they will continue to have as they continue to dissect it going forward [nope, consigned to the dumpster fire I’ve put the majority of the rest of Drabbernatural in]

- Do you think you will ever get an SPN tattoo?:  He doesn’t have any but he’s thinking about getting tattoos relating to his children.  Is that a sign of desperation that a true hasbeen will do? Should he get a tattoo of Jared and Jensen’s face.  He could get a tattoo of Castiel’s face on his abdomen.  He’s saying probably not. If they want to get one, totally supportive of that

-  what is his favourite moment of the finale?: Dean’s death scene, masterfully executed, excellent performances from both Jared and Jensen in that scene and made him cry

- best memory of your last day on the supernatural set?: everyone being really sweet, lot of tears from cast and crew. The last scene he shot as Castiel was the last scene of the day on a Friday. Him, Alex, Richard S and Jensen all had to get to Las Vegas for a fan convention the next morning. They shot late and finished at 1.30, it was Cass goodbye and Misha’s goodbye to the show.  He said they had to get a chartered flight because of the early flight [not sure why he’s saying this as I thought it was Jared’s plane they all travelled in?] He’s talking about going back - because of the issue with the plane - and they are all texting family, saying they love them, so it was such a strange night, he’d said goodbye to Supernatural, he said goodbye to Castiel and later on said goodbye to his kids because they thought they were going to die that night. :(

[Going to add that this puts to rest that Misha was due back for 19 and 20 even before covid, it confirms he was not going to be in either episode, though I maintain, they may have shot an extra scene while they had him to slot into 19 or 20]

- do you think Cass and the other angels got their wings back?: Yes, probably, they have Jack who is the new god. What a long and miserable experience that was of not having wings. Cass was so powerful when he started, he could snap his fingers and teleport and time travel and lost that with his broken wings and they didn’t come back. He doesn’t know why they didn’t fix him as Castiel would have been a much more powerful ally if he didn’t have to drive around in the pimp mobile [uh, for the same reason Sam lost his powers, deus ex machina]. He tells the story of Jared pressing buttons in the car causing the hydraulics to fail costing $10000 of repair.

- in your opinion, what colour are Castiels wings?: shit, I don’t know, I always thought they were black, but now that you’ve said that, they are rainbow coloured, how about that?

- What is the worst joke Jared and Jensen did to you?: [*cough fans looking for things to complain about or hate Jared on]: Jared and Jensen, as you know, they are not good people.  He talks about directing an episode and they got excited in the week before, they were going to break into his apartment and steal his furniture, they had all kinds of nefarious plans, the crew tipped him off and told him to watch his home and car keys. They put a fish under the seat in his car and one of the crew told him.  Jared removed the canvas on the director’s chair and laid it across so it looked like it was still the chair. Misha fell for that at least 5 times. That was pretty frustrating. Jared kept messing up his lines (which Misha said Jared never does) and Misha was directing in another room, Misha eventually went to see what the problem was and that’s when Jared pied him in the face. Everyone in the crew was complicit in the “assault”. Jensen brought him another shirt, said, “I’m sorry man, that’s sucks, that was too much.”  Jensen then pied him in the face.

- What is the real story behind the handprint in the finale?: Um I don't know, but I think it was a nice touch, that was a really lovely callback that worked well. I can’t remember how we came up with that, or was it in the script, I can’t remember. Wasn’t it a good callback to the very beginning. [Again, this appears to differ from what was being reported two weeks ago so might need to go back to that panel if I can get access to it]

-What’s your favourite memory from offline/online panels?: It’s much more fun to be live and in person. I don’t know, I have had some really fun... [PANDERING ALERT COMING UP] Jensen and I have some really fun panels together in Rome.  I don’t know why but we always just seem to have a real hoot there, talks about the resume off, they really enjoyed that. He had pizza delivered to a creation panel once.  He talks about the Saturday night special and he can’t wait till they can get back to that. 

[NOTE CYNICAL PART OF THIS IS FOR HIS FANBASE TO ONCE AGAIN CLAMOUR FOR MORE JENMISH PANELS. I DO NOT TRUST THIS MAN AT ALL]

- What was your favourite version of Castiel to play?: he had the most fun playing Lucifer because Mark P had left a great template to play Lucifer [you took the worst parts imo but Mark fucked his character up too]. He enjoyed playing the human parts of Castiel because it was fun to explore how to be human for the first time. Overall, just regular Cass. He wouldn’t have wanted to trade regular Castiel for other iterations. [A great question would be badass Castiel v late season wooby castiel preference]

[cinematicnomad]

1, 7, 25 for the fanfic end of year ask :)

001. favorite fic you wrote this year i have a soft spot for take my hand (take my everything) which was the first fic i wrote this year! and kind of the first step back into writing creatively on something new that wasn’t the 7 year monster sterek fic. also my first foray into 9-1-1 fic and was just a lot of fun! 

007. longest completed fic you wrote this year the longest fic i wrote was my second for the year! so show me (family) wound up being around 16k+ for 9-1-1 which kind of burst out of me over the course of one 48 hour window unlike take my hand which took a few weeks to crank out. 

025. a fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read SO MANY FICS DUDE!!! i’m gonna rec a couple, some that i re-read this year and some that i discovered for the first time, all from a variety of fandoms. BUT heads up, you didn’t specify a fandom so it’s gonna be a little scattered. also someone else sent me this same question but specified 9-1-1, so i’m gonna reserve those recs for that ask. GET READY!!

and this, your living kiss by opal_bullets (7/7 | 84k+ | M) destiel; AU: college/university; john winchester’s A+ parenting; angst with a happy ending

only a very few people in the world know that the celebrated and reclusive poet jack allen is just kansas mechanic dean winchester, a high school dropout with a few bucks to his name. not that it matters anymore; life has left him so wrung out he never wants to pick up another pen.

until, that is, a string of coincidences leads dean to auditing a poetry course with one dr. castiel novak. the professor is wildly intelligent, devastatingly handsome...and just so happens to be academia’s foremost expert on the poetry of jack allen.

note: i discovered this fic back in the pre-pandemic times of feb 2020 and i’ve read this fic TWICE since, leaving a lengthy comment each time. the poetry in the fic itself is stunningly gorgeous and i have a habit of reading it out loud to myself while reading bc it begs to be heard. this fic is seriously beautiful and makes me want to read all the poet!dean au’s out there in the world. unfortunately there aren’t that many so i just keep coming back to this well. i don’t think i can express enough how much i love this fic. 

lost time by ARCurren (105/105 | 350k+ | T)  bransonxsybil; AU: canon divergent; outsider POVs; original characters; slow burn

the story of a free spirit who was asked to give up the man she loved for a system she didn’t believe in and what happened next. AU after 3.04. 

note: did i think, when i stumbled across this fic years ago, that it would wind up being one of my all time favorites that i return to time and again to re-read? never. did i re-read it for like the dozenth time this year?? 110%. this fic is everything i want from fanfiction—it’s beautifully written, expands on canon, and shows me all the hidden moments the cameras never did (not to mention it’s historically accurate and delves deep into irish politics of the time). the first third or so of this fic is all about tom and sybil’s slow burn romance at downton, but the fic really bursts into its own when we follow the two to dublin and get introduced to all of the author’s deliciously detailed oc’s. heads up warning: this fic was never officially completed, though the final chapter is a beautifully written summary of the final arc of the fic. even so, it’s fucking worth it. 

misfire by mothlights & unpossible (6/6 | 28k+ | T) sterek; time travel; angst with a happy ending; alive hale family; magic; alternating POV

“the debt must be repaid,” she says, and it has the weight of a vow. the words resonate through him, ringing through his ribcage and the bones of his jaw, and stiles loses his breath and maybe his grip on reality because she draws herself upright and where there had once stood a supermodel-level MILK now there is galadriel’s much hotter older sister, a presence of unmistakable power in their ordinary, smells-vaguely-of-thai-takeout hallway. 

“oh shit,” stiles says. 

note: this fic is the first in the misfire ‘verse and i need you to understand that it literally broke me when i binge read these fics a month or so ago. i am a sucker for a solid time travel fic especially bc there are such few good ones in fandom. but this gets at the heart of it all by exploring the idea of stiles getting the chance to save derek’s family and taking it...after he and derek are romantically together in his true timeline and then actually dealing with the ramifications of how that alters everything and how stiles survives in this new present where he and derek are virtual strangers. everyone should definitely read this, but you should also know that i fucking sobbed while reading the sequel (which also has a happy ending, but really digs deep into the nitty gritty angst of the repercussions). 

map of the world by seperis (11/11 | 154k+ | M)  destiel; end!verse; alternate universe; canon divergent; original characters; slow burn

the world’s already over and they’re already dead. all they’re doing now is marking time until the end. 

note: look, if you don’t know about down to agincourt by @seperis, what are you doing with your life?? the series is over 1M+ words so far, the fic author is on book 4 out of a planned 8, and it’s fucking phenomenal. i know i’ve tagged a couple of these recs as slow burn but...this is the slowest slow burn to ever burn. canon!dean travels back into the end!verse timeline just as lucifer kills dean and somehow cas made it out alive and has to keep dean safe while he learns to become his end!verse counterpoint. the world building in this series is intense and i cannot recommend it enough. i’m still in the midst of my re-read bc it’s SUCH an endeavor but i highly recommend it to everybody. 

invictus by ellanasan (116/116 | 355+ | M) hayffie; au: alive abernathy family; pre-hunger games; canon prostitution; slow burn

“so then, before i can even think about doing something stupid like trying to stab him with his fucking golden paperknife, he gives me a choice, see?” haymitch continued, almost detached. “either i play nice like all the other victors or he’ll kill my family. i could either become his puppet—greatest punishment he could give me, according to him—or i could become the example.”

AU in which haymitch’s family lives.

note: hello, have you ever wondered what the hunger games series would be like if haymitch’s family were alive? i fucking hadn’t until 2 years ago when i stumbled across this fic and fell head over heels in love with this ship. @ellanainthetardis is my go to hunger games fic writer for anything exploring canon and i’m obsessed with anything she writes about the OG victors pre-canon (finnick, joanna, chaff, etc). this fic is just 300k+ exploring that world and all the intricate details of how cruel the games could really be. HIGHLY recommend. i definitely re-read it this fall when i needed a pick me up.

don’t know what i’m supposed to do (haunted by the ghost of you) by crazyassmurdererwall (1/1 | 30k+ | T) sterek; canon divergent; angst with a happy ending; ghosts; stiles POV

stiles sees dead people. yep. seriously.

(he’s got this. he’s totally got this. so what if one of them is derek’s mom?)

note: did you know that @crazyassmurdererwall is one of my all time favorite people? and that she’s wicked talented? and that in our spare time she’ll send me a billion fic ideas that are amazing and i get to hear all the intricate details of her plot bunnies? but i digress. this fic is one of my all time fave sterek fics i’ve re-read it sooo many times. there’s just something about the heartache and stiles’ insecurity and the way he tries to shoulder it all on his own. and then there’s alli’s brilliant writing, the way she weaves through a scene and paints a picture just so and manages to tug at your heart strings with her precise word choice. there’s some amazing world building in this fic as it explores this other facet of the supernatural that canon teen wolf never touched upon, and i’m so grateful for that bc alli is the only one who should be allowed to write about ghosts and teen wolf together. 

lagavulin and guinness by snarfle (10/10 | 163k+ | explicit) hartwin; slow burn; PTSD; suicidal thoughts; graphic depictions of violence; domestic abuse

plenty of people had looked down on eggsy throughout his life. he had gotten fairly used to it. didn’t mean it was fair, but he knew how these things worked. what really sucked was that the new arthur was worse than the old one.

“eggsy grimaced. he didn’t know how to explain to harry—who seemed like he hadn’t been discriminated against a day in his life—that the new arthur kept giving him what amounted to suicide missions, and that he was currently bleeding out in a warehouse because of the deliberately bad intel she had given him.”

also featuring: dean is harder to get rid of than eggsy thought, his mum is going off the deep end, there are way too many nefarious plots in play, and eggsy is really beginning to wish that harry would stop holding his hand and kiss him instead.

note: look, i know i recced this literally less than a week ago but i ALSO stayed up til 5AM re-reading this last night and it was a-m-a-z-i-n-g. i was on a bit of a kingsman kick earlier this year, so i’ve actually re-read this fic TWICE so far in 2020. i will give you a serious warning in that this fic delves deep into domestic abuse through the lens of a variety of different relationships. it also explores the potential for abuse in hartwin, bc this fic is one of the few that actually commits to the fact that they’re literal spies who murder people. actively. a lot. but seriously, this fic is one of my fave in the fandom and i STRONGLY recommend it. 

waste of breath by bryrosea (1/1 | 22k+ | M) loganxveronica; canon compliant; missing scenes; navy; past child abuse

logan echolls, the nine years, and the navy.

note: bryrosea has an obscene number of amazing logan and veronica fics (her canon divergent series stay with me is another i re-read this year), but i’ve found myself returning to this fic a lot over the years. i’m a sucker for canon compliant fics that explore the missing scenes in between canon and this fic hits all the right buttons by diving deep into how logan echolls went from being a trash fire at hearst college at the end of s3 to being a decorated navy pilot by the movie. it explores logan seeking out therapy and making a life for himself that he can be proud of, all while pining after the girl who got away. and bc this author is amazing, she followed it up with a sequel from veronica’s point of view in the series done by only me. 

the law of equivalent exchange by awed_frog (8/8 | 60k+ | M) destiel; POV castiel; pre-canon; post-canon; canon compliant; immortality; reincarnation

“and what’s the point of it?”

“of love? there isn’t one. loving is its own purpose.” 

note: i mean??? i don’t really know what to say except that this is one of the truly most beautiful fics i have ever read. it follows castiel through time as he meets different reincarnations of sam and dean across history and falls ever more deeply in love. it is achingly tender and so ecstatically written that i die just thinking about it. and that summary? i mean. holy fuck break my heart why don’t you? i don’t know how i missed out on this fic for so long since it was published in 2015 but i only learned about it for the first time back in july and it was. life changing?? when the fic finally reaches the canon timeline and he meets THIS dean it’s peak yearning. 10/10 will read again.

ahead in the count by elisela (17/17 | 50k+ | E) sterek; AU: sports; pitcher!stiles; teacher!derek; long distance relationship; getting together

“yankee fan,” derek says, laughing when stiles makes a disgusted face. “the bronx bombers, stiles, you can’t be a new yorker and—”

“stop talking right now,” stiles sighs, shaking his head. “i can’t believe i still want to kiss you after that,” he says, pulling derek in by his coat. “this is making me rethink everything.” 

“i’ll never watch them again,” derek promises, and stiles laughs against his mouth. 

or: stiles is a starting pitcher for the NY mets when he meets and falls in love with derek. derek doesn’t know. 

note: i read SO MANY of @elisela’s 911 fics this summer, which i loved, and then she got into teen wolf and started writing sterek and i just about died. this fic is amazing, one of my fave sterek AU’s that i’ve read in years. it’s just the right amount of drama and angst and fluff filled with all the joys of miscommunication and character relationships that makes reading sterek such a joy. reading this fic and finding out eli needed fic recs pushed me to dive back in to reading sterek fics for a bit this fall so i can say with the utmost authority that this is one of the best i’ve read in a long time. 

i used to think one day we’d tell the story of us by notequitegucci (2/2 | 32k+ | M) gendrya; alternate universe—modern setting; outsider POV; friends to lovers; friends to lovers

9 times a stark encounters gendry + 1 time he meets the starks.

note: again, this is the first in a 2 part series titled love me like you do that explores arya and gendry’s dynamics together through the point of view of her family. game of thrones ended last year with a whimper but i keep returning to the gendrya tag on ao3 to seek out new, amazing content and also to re-read some old favorites. i can’t remember if i came across this for the first time last year or this one, but i’ve read it and re-read it more times than i can count since and i love it more than i can describe. i’m a total sucker for outsider POV fics and my biggest pet peeve in canon is the fact that none of the stark’s ever found out that arya and gendry had a history together. this modern au fic almost makes up for it by giving me a gendry encounter with every family member and then the big reveal. it’s peak content. 

theeeeeeese recs got a little away from me. i wasn’t originally intending on adding lengthy notes to each entry but ... oh well!! these are all amazing so please enjoy. 

fanfic end of the year asks

[avauntus]

Supernatural - a retrospective

This is super self-indulgent, and I have so much else I’ve promised-- I owe a long-fic rec post, and ao3 comments, wip work, and that’s just my fandom stuff I’m behind on. *sigh*

But it’s late on a Saturday and now I’ve finished Supernatural, I want to share what I think are my top few eps, and a few other comments. I promise some of this will be different from the “greatest hits” you probably usually see, and I’ll try to make it worth your time. *wry smile*

Look, we have to have categories like: “Most Likely to Live in My Head Rent-Free for the Rest of my Life” and “Most Likely to Inspire Unnecessary Fanfiction” that are different from “Favorites,” because that’s just the cursed energy this show has. ;-)

My top five

#5 - 13.01 - “Lost and Found”

Written by: Andrew Dabb | Directed by: Phil Sgriccia

In fandom, this is most often referred to as the start of the “Grieving Widower” arc, tongue-in-cheek. Also has Alexander Calvert (Jack) walking around completely in the nude for the first third of the ep. (Neither of these are why this is in my top 5, but he has a good story about wardrobe for his ‘first day.’) 

I didn’t expect much out of this episode the first time I watched it, but I’ve gone over this ‘section’ of the show maybe 3-4 times in my Netflix catch-up, and I watch this one in full every time. From Jack being...not at all what anyone expected and an unsteady vindication, to the stunning cinematography (there’s a post that compares shots to Brokeback Mountain, but I think the shots here might be better), to the sheriff who takes the time to remind her deputy that “...there’s no such thing as ‘weird.’ Everyone’s normal in their own way,” to the slow reveal of exactly how hard the events of the previous night (12x23 - All Along the Watchtower) are hitting Dean and Sam and in different ways...(how long the episode takes to reveal to you how Dean fucked up his hand, and what he was saying when he did. Augh!) The Winchesters are trying to rally, but they have been taking hits for a long time, and the cracks are showing.

 #4 - 15.06 - “Golden Time”

Written by: Meredith Glynn | Directed by: John F. Showalter

Supernatural  has a terrible track record with representation in all stripes. It is infamously consistent in killing off anyone minority, female, or non-White. One of the interesting things about the chaotic meta-narrative of season 15 is you can see the lack of fucks some of the writer’s room had to give about not even being subtle about tearing down that type of ‘White-male-hero-journey” now that they were in a literal “what will they do, fire me?” situation.

I’m a Cas fan, and this episode, which gives him an actual, ‘case-of-the-week’ hunter’s narrative where he gets to save the day on his own, successfully, was wonderful. I love that for him! But more than that, for me, this episode is emotional to me for other reasons-- the way Dean and Cas circle around each other on their angry phone call (with the body language! They are broadcasting so LOUD and neither can see because they’re on the phone!), Sam’s story here, where he’s inheriting things from Rowena that allow him in turn to save Eileen, to Cas’ speech and quick anger at the lake when you reflect on his entire journey of self-realization from a soldier of blind faith to an agent of free will... “You selfish little men in your positions of authority...” I just... *clears throat, grabs tissue* 

#3 -  6.20 - “The Man Who Would Be King”

Written & Directed by: Ben Edlund

Speaking of Cas’ journey... I know some folks don’t like the angst and drama of the ‘Heaven and Hell’ plots of Supernatural, but I am here for it. Oh, did we need another reason to include this episode? This has some of the most metal quotes I have heard from any TV show. Ever.

I mean, look at this:

“If I knew then what I know now, I would have said: Freedom is a length of rope. God wants you to hang yourself with it.”

“Explaining freedom to angels is a bit like explaining poetry to fish.”

The delivery of: “It's not too late. Damn it, Cas! We can fix this!” “Dean, it’s not broken!” is one of those Supernatural bits that will live in my head until the end of time. All of Edlund’s episodes are among my favorites, but this (along with “5.04 - The End”) was on another level. 

#2 - 5.16 - “Dark Side of the Moon”

Written by: Andrew Dabb & Daniel Loflin | Directed by: Jeff Wollnough

I think of this episode every time  I hear Bob Dylan sing “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door.” This is kinda a giant montage episode, but the connecting concepts are so...satisfying. 

“Heaven is your favorite memories.” “ It’s called the axis mundi. It’s a path that runs through heaven. Different people see it as different things. For you, it’s two-lane asphalt.” “This is your idea of heaven? Wow, this was one of the worst nights of my life.” “I don’t think I realized how long you’ve been cleaning up Dad’s messes.” “It’s awesome to finally have an application—a practical application—for string theory.” “Everyone leaves you, Dean. You noticed?” “Why is God talking to me? Gardner-to-gardener, and between us, I think he gets lonely.” “You son of a bitch, I believed in... ” Whoosh.

#1 - 4.01 - “Lazarus Rising”

Written by: Eric Kripke | Directed by: Kim Manners

So...this is the episode where Castiel, angel of thee Lord, shows up. And that’s primarily why it earns the no. 1 spot, because 80% of my enjoyment of Supernatural from this point on was Cas-adjacent. Plus this entire episode just hits. ALL OF IT. Dean’s homecoming. Ruby, my darling. Bobby’s entire vibe. Pamela Barnes, easily one of the most interesting women Supernatural ever introduced. Cas being so hot to say “Hi” to Dean he forgets he wounds people. 

But beyond that-- the way the show writes their ‘oh, by the way, angels’ narrative! If you haven’t seen this episode, would you believe me if I told you that THIS EPISODE, the episode where Supernatural said “canonically, Judeo-Christian Heaven is real, btw” involves no churches but does involve a séance, a soulmark handprint brand, and a himbo angel that “gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition”...but they were all “no homo, guys” for years?

Truly no one was out here doing it like Supernatural even back in 2008.

Others--

15.18 - “Despair” 

“Most Likely to Live Rent-Free in My Head for the Rest of my Life”

Written by: Robert Berens | Directed by: Richard Speight, Jr.

You know why this episode is here. It broke reality. I could be wrong-- but I’d put good money on this episode being the subject of academic theses in the future. That doesn’t automatically make for interesting story, but...

Has there ever been a case, in a mainstream US TV show where a major lead character (Cas) came out as queer so late in the game in a narratively-important way? I’m not aware of it, but I might just be behind on my television.

This episode has great writing, and (blessedly) amazing direction and blocking anyway. Check out the above gif - that is some next level foreshadowing going on in the cinematography, and this isn’t even the most remarked upon shot in this episode. (Seriously, I had to search for 40 minutes for this gif, please respect my game, lol.) Everyone who was involved in 15x18 is giddy talking about their investment, from the costume designer to the actors to the director to the writer...

...And then a bunch of them steadfastly have avoided posting much Supernatural-related since. So that’s...loud. There is a bunch of subtext in this episode that is screamingly loud; there is a bunch of text in this episode that makes several things clear fandom has been chattering over for years and years. The meta-commentary around this episode continues, months later. There are over 700 fics on AO3 with this episode tag.

I have more to say about the themes of ‘free will’ and ‘love’ and ‘identity’ tied to this episode, but seriously-- you’ve probably read 17 versions of it on Tumblr already, so.

This is the last time we see Cas, and the last time Supernatural can claim anything close to narrative consistency. For that alone, it’d earn free head-space.

Runners-up: “4.20 - The Rapture”; “5.04 - The End”; “7.21 - Reading is Fundamental”; “8.21 - The Great Escapist”; “9.06 - Heaven Can’t Wait”; “12.19 - The Future”; “14.08 - Byzantium”

6.17 - “My Heart Will Go On”/8.07 - “A Little Slice of Kevin”

“Most Likely to Inspire Unnecessary Fanfiction”

Written by: Eric Charmelo & Nicole Snyder (6.17); Brad Buckner & Eugenie Ross-Leming | Directed by: Phil Sgriccia (6.17); Charlie Carner (8.07)

Usually the show kills off it’s “one-episode” female characters, but do you know one time it didn’t? When the Moirai (the Fates - specifically Atropos, the shearer of the Threads of Fate) showed up in canon in 6.17. She was posited to have “two older sisters that were bigger than her- in every sense of the word,” ...and Castiel had to back down when she challenged him to a cosmic game of chicken over the Winchester’s lives.

Then they never returned to that idea again. 

“A Little Slice of Kevin” is on here for the opposite reason -- an amazing idea that was really underwritten in the episode it showed up in. Dean Winchester has been dragging himself across the fabric of universes; the literal Word of God is in play in a warehouse in Middle America; Cas is back from Purgatory, but what does that mean, micro and macro? As a person on the street, what would it mean, or feel like, to learn you were a Prophet of the Lord, uncalled? That what you are, everything you are, is a cosmic contingency?

Maybe Fate has an opinion on all these shenanigans?

Perhaps all that doesn’t make sense, but it certainly made an impression on ~2012 me. To this day, it remains the WIP I can open up and fool myself with the ‘twist.’ I wish I remembered where I was going with it so I could finish it.

Runners Up: “2.20 - What Is and What Should Never Be”; “5.04 - The End”; “6.15 - The French Mistake”; 12.12 - “Stuck in the Middle (with you)”; “13.05 - Advanced Thanatology” “14.03 - The Scar”; “14.10 - Nihilism”; “15.15 - Gimme Shelter” ... and “15.20 - Carry On” (obviously)

Fifteen seasons. There were plenty of other episodes I loved that didn’t make these limited lists. But overall -- thank you, Supernatural, for the run. Even if I’m upset at the ending, I can appreciate the game. If you watch the show, what were your favorite episodes?

[tetrakys]

Trois Allumettes - Chapter 8

I was late, my Personal Development lecture was going to start any moment now. When I entered the library, most seats were already taken. I quickly scanned the room until I spotted an empty seat and was just about to rush there when I noticed who was occupying the one right next to it.

I could still feel his hands on my skin, his voice whispering in my ear and his lips on my… damn! Calm down Candy! It was a dream… just a dream. An incredibly hot and completely crazy dream. Giving myself a mental shake, I made my way across the room.

“I think this is the first time we meet at one of these” I said, a little shyly, standing next to Lysander.

He raised his head from his notepad and smiled at me “Hi Candy.”

“Hi Lys, is this seat taken?”

He just shook his head, looking a little distracted.

“Were you writing a new poem? Lyrics maybe?” I asked sitting down.

“I am not sure yet” he replied pensive “I’ll know once it’s done.”

“I would really love to hear it. I mean… only if you want to.”

“Why?” he turned his head to me, surprised.

“I am a really curious person, I am sorry.” Embarrassed I looked down at my hands that, I just realised, were tormenting a poor innocent piece of paper.

“I know, that’s not what I meant. You specifically said hear, not read. Why?”

“Oh… I… I don’t know” my head still down, I didn’t have the guts to look at him in the eye “I think… Your poems are a part of you, you know? They are something deeply personal. If I were just reading them… I would feel like I was intruding somehow. Instead, if you were reading them to me I’d feel like you were letting me in.”

With the corner of my eye I could tell he was staring at me, moments went bye.

“You are amazing, you know that?”

I felt my jaw drop. What…

“Hello everyone!” Miss Paltry’s chirp voice interrupted my train of thoughts “Ready for a new invigorating discussion? I am really interested in hearing your thoughts about…”

“Can I have your number?” he whispered in my ear, and I felt his breath on my skin. A shiver ran through my spine. “There is an open mic night in a place nearby this weekend, and I was thinking of reading one of my old pieces.”

“Yes!” I replied, probably a little too quickly. I took out my phone and we quietly exchanged numbers. I hardly paid attention to class that day.

 //////////////////////////////

 Hi Candy, hope you had a nice week and classes didn’t keep you too busy. If you are still in the mood of coming to the reading, it’s going to be at 6pm at this place. I’m sorry I won’t be able to come with you since I will head there early. If you are free we could have dinner afterwards. I wish you a lovely evening.

I re-read Lys’s text for what was probably the 100th time. Of course I had said yes, to both the reading and the dinner. Having dinner together… was it a date maybe? I looked at myself in the mirror. I was dressed a little too casual for my liking if this indeed was a date: jeans, boots and a dark shirt. But from the address Lysander had sent me I knew I had to take the bus to get there and didn’t want to risk wearing heels. Also, I wasn’t 100% sure this was a date, so it was better not to go there and find out I was overdressed.

I had tied my hair in what, at first sight, looked like a simple messy bun, but that had required serious skills and hours of YouTube tutorials on my part. With a last touch to my lipstick, I put on a jacket and left for the pub.

The bus ride took longer than I thought, I should have taken into account the Friday evening traffic. When I stepped into the place I was twenty minutes late. Crap! The pub was packed and a guy was already on the stage. Fortunately he wasn’t Lys and I hoped with all my heart that I hadn’t missed it.

“Candy!” someone whispered-yelled on my left “here!”

I turned around and saw Rosa waving at me. She was sitting at a table close by with Leigh, the people around scowling at her since she wasn’t acting exactly inconspicuously. I made my way quickly before drawing even more attention to us.

“You are super late!” she whispered only for me to hear once I was sitting next to her “Didn’t Lys tell you it started at 6pm?”

“Yes, sorry, I got stuck in traffic.”

So… it wasn’t a date after all. Rosa and Leigh were here, and of course they were, they were his family after all. It was just a friendly outing. I had told him I wanted to hear his poetry and he had been kind enough to invite me to this event. An event that he had already planned to share with his brother and Rosa. I should actually feel pleased, flattered even, that he though our friendship was close enough to ask me to come... I couldn’t help to feel disappointed though.

Everyone started clapping and I realised the guy on the stage had finished. I hadn’t heard a single word.

“Here is Lys!” Rosa exclaimed. “You know… I am so happy he is finally doing this” she continued lowering her voice. “I have been pushing him to take part in one of these events for ages. He is so talented, but he is such an introvert! Castiel is the only person he shares more of his creations with, and probably not his most personal stuff. When a couple of days ago he told us he was finally doing this I couldn’t believe it!”

She went to add something more but stopped when the room became quiet again just as Lys stepped in front of the mic. To a stranger he looked perfectly calm and collected, but I had started to get to know him, and I could tell he was on edge. He quickly scanned the crowd and, when he found our table, his eyes rested on me for a few moments. I wasn’t sure from a distance, but I though he seemed to relax a little when our eyes met. Tipping his lips in a small smile, he stared ahead at the crowed and started reciting his poem.

He was… mesmerizing. Even Castiel with loud music and hundreds of screaming fans crying his name couldn’t compare. Just him alone, there on that stage, his voice deep and steady, soft lights highlighting his handsome features… And his words. It was a poem and a story at the same time. He was telling the story of a young boy who lived in a world made of glass, so fragile he couldn’t touch anything or anyone. I could feel all his sadness, and the guilt he felt for wanting to leave his home and his life behind. He just felt so… alone.

The poem ended with the boy stuck behind a tall wall of glass, looking forever at the real world and never able to reach it. When everyone started clapping I just stayed there unable to move. How could everyone cheer and smile? Didn’t they feel how sad the boy… he was? I felt my cheeks wet and realised I was silently crying. I couldn’t let anyone see me like this. I tried to pat my face with my hands but, when I remember that I was wearing make-up, I quickly excused myself and run to the loo.

Once there I took a few moments to collect myself. I shouldn’t feel like that, it was just a poem. But Lysander had been able to reach directly to my heart and touch it in a way I had never experienced before. Looking at my face in the mirror I was happy to find out that I didn’t look like a clown and my mascara was still were it was supposed to be, on my eyelashes. I took an extra couple of seconds to take deep breaths. When I was sure I was perfectly calm I went back to the table.

Lysander was there. Apparently the event was now over because no one else was on the stage, lights were on and most of the people had left, everyone who was still there was chatting loudly.

“Lys-baby you were great!” Rosa was telling him with big pats on his back. “I don’t know what finally made you cave but you should have done this a long time ago. Everyone loved your poem, the others had nothing on you.”

“It wasn’t a competition Rosa.”

“Still, if it had been you would have won hands down. No one was clapped as much as you were. Isn’t it right Candy?”

I nodded “You were amazing Lysander. I… I loved it.”

“Thank you Candy” a warm and slightly embarrassed smile on his lips.

“Let’s eat guys, steak and chips for me” Rosa added without even looking at the menu “I am starving! I could eat a whole cow!” She waved at us dismissively “don’t look at me like that, I am eating for two!”

We all laughed and spent a nice hour eating and chatting. We teased Rosa for her incredible appetite and she teased everyone else about this and that. We talked a lot about the pregnancy and their plans to move to the beach house after school. After a while, though, Rosa and Leigh decided it was time for them to head back home. We all left the pub together.

“I don’t think we are headed the same direction so… see you later, you two” Rosa said with a smirk and a laugh in her eyes. While Lys and Leigh said goodbye to each other she quickly whispered in my ear “Have you seen how he’s been looking at you the whole evening?” and with a knowing look she took Leigh’s arm and left.

Thank you Rosa… now I was completely flustered! Lys and I headed silently towards the bus stop. The trip back was way faster than the way there. We chatted a bit about classes and other light topics, but the times we were silent we were completely at ease with each other. It was one of the things I liked the most about spending time with him, we didn’t necessarily have to find something to talk about to not feel awkward, we always seemed to travel on the same wavelength.

“I was happy you were there tonight” he told me once we got back to the dorms. “Usually when I am with other people I feel strangely alone, it’s different with you.”

I smiled “M-Me too.” I stopped dead in my tracks “Oh no…” I groaned. A sign saying OUT OF ORDER was hanging over the elevator doors. “It was working when I left… my room is on the seventh floor!”

“You complain… I am on the ninth!” Lys looked terrified. Ha! I had never seen him at the gym, he probably hated physical activity as much as I did. Maybe I could take advantage of that, I was feeling a little mischievous “Last one who gets to my floor has to tell a secret!” and I started running up the stairs.

“Wh-What?” he replied dumbstruck. I just laughed and kept running, I was almost on the second floor. When I started to think that I was going to look very stupid running alone on these stairs if he didn’t indulge me, I felt quick steps behind my back.

Damn, for a guy who spent most of his days sitting and writing he was fast! And fit… now that I thought about it. I had seen him wearing just swimming trunks… that wasn’t the body of a sedentary writer!

Distracted by these thoughts I was surprised to find out he had caught up with me once we both got to the sixth floor. We were neck and neck. He got ahead and was just about to reach on the final step when I stumbled. I was about to fall head first on the steps in front of me when his strong arms reached me. My momentum was such, though, that I fell taking him with me. His body softening my fall.

“Ouch” I opened my eyes and I was lying on the stairs right on top of him. “I’m so sorry Lys!”

I quickly rolled over and sat on the step next to him, while he also took a sitting position.

“I’m such a klutz!” I was mortified. “Thank you for catching me. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine” he said, without looking me in the eye.

“I can tell you are not! I am sorry, really, I had the worst idea ever. Are you bruised anywhere?”

We were both panting heavily, we had just run seven flights of stairs and almost broke our necks.

“The only thing bruised is my ego. I should have caught you in a manlier way, instead of falling with you.”

I laughed “I basically fell on you with all my weight, I am surprised I didn’t break any of your bones.”

He laughed too and we spent a couple of minutes just catching our breaths.

“I believe you owe me a secret” he said looking at me with a playful smile.

“Uhm… no. Neither of us got to the seventh floor.”

“Only because I came back to save you. Risking my life and my poor bones. Now that I think about it my arm hurts a bit…”

“Ugh… fine!” I said feigning annoyance, but I was secretly enjoying this playful side of him. “What do you want to know?”

He looked at me serious for a moment then said “What did you really think about my poem?”

I was surprised… of all the things he could have asked me… that was difficult to answer sincerely. I didn’t want him to think me a weirdo because of how much it had affected me.

“I loved it, I told you. You are really talented.”

“I want to know what you really felt while you were listening to it.”

I took a few moments to think about how to reply, but then I decided that the truth is always the best way to go, at least with him.

“Overwhelmed” I said, my mouth suddenly dry “I had to go away for a few minutes to calm myself. I felt sad, desperate and utterly alone.” I looked at him straight in the eyes. “But you know… I would like to tell that boy… he is not by himself anymore. We can be alone together.”

Assuming that a gesture would be more clear than my blubbering, I placed my hand hesitantly on his chest.

He looked at me for a while, and I had no idea what he was thinking. Had I completely embarrassed myself?

But I didn’t move, we stayed there in the middle of the stairs, excessively close to one another, my hand still on his chest, our eyes locked. If ever someone walked by…

“We should go now…”

“We should. But…” his voice became soft “I would really like to kiss you before we go.”

I was left speechless and experienced a sort of déjà vu. For a few seconds it was almost as if time stopped. Not a sound and not a movement… then Lysander slid his hand under my chin and leaned towards me. I felt my heart pounding with the contact of his lips on mine, tender yet determined Lysander held me close. After a few seconds he stopped kissing me but didn’t let me go. My heart beating, I looked him in the eye without saying a word as he caressed my cheek.

“I really didn’t plan that…” he said “But…”

“Cough. Cough.”

We both turned around and saw Yeleen at the bottom of the stairs.

“I don’t want to interrupt but you are blocking the passage.”

We instantly got up and walked up the stairs on the seventh floor. Yeleen headed directly in the room without sparing us a second look. When we were alone again Lys moved a lock of my hair that had escaped my bun from my face and tucked it behind my ear.

“Goodnight Candy.”

“Goodnight Lys.”

And with one last look he went up the stairs towards his room.

I quickly got into mine, luckily Yeleen was showering, so I had a few minutes for me to think about what had just happened.

Wow… we had kissed. Actually… he had kissed me. He caught me completely by surprise and I didn’t participate very actively, I was going to step up my game next time.

Well… was there going to be a next time? It wasn’t like we were together now or anything, maybe he just did it on the spur of the moment. Lys didn’t look like the kind of guy who had flings but… I didn’t know what to think.

I let myself fall on the bed looking at my phone. Maybe he was going to send me a text. I stared at my phone for a while, willing a text to appear. I clearly didn’t have Chani’s powers because I simply dozed off with the phone in my hand.

When I woke up the following morning a text of completely different nature was waiting for me.

////////////////////////////////

And with this we are all caught up with the story. Next chapters will come out after MCL episodes are out.

Back to Chapter 7

Go to Chapter 9

[dakotacrisis]

Breakups & Makeups

Okay so I know that everyone is freaking out about University Life and 4/5ths of the boys we grew to love have been pushed out to make way for these new characters. I was upset about it too (still kinda am) but I am trying to stay positive.

I saw how upset a lot of the fanbase was though and decided that if we apparently broke up with our boys for some reason or another then I was going to write my version of events on how it went down. This of course is just my take and you can disagree with it but lets not turn it into a whole mess. Also seeing as how breakups are pretty depressing and a lot of people wish for that high school sweethearts end up living happily ever after I also added a makeup scenario of sorts.

That being said I have basically no knowledge about University Life seeing as how I’ve been avoiding Beta Spoilers so this is all without any context for canon. Enjoy under the cut! (Warning some of these got a little long)

BREAKUPS

NATHANIEL:

The break up with Nathaniel was one of the calmest but also incredibly depressing. After graduating they continued on happily until they started getting closer to attending university. Nathaniel was already accepted to a prestigious university far away. Candy would be attending a more local university. They dated long distance but with continued canceled video dates and real life dates being far and inbetween it was a hard decision on Candy’s part to break up. She loves him and always will but they weren’t doing each other any favors by adding to their stress by putting the last dregs of their free time and sanity into buffering skype calls. Nathaniel tried to talk her out of it but knew she was right. Maybe in the future when life has calmed down a degree and they’re more stable in their individual lives they could try this again.

KENTIN:

Kentin’s break up was the hardest emotionally. Having had such a rough start with Candy after they had gotten together and the bad light it put him in he was determined to be the perfect boyfriend. And he was. Attentive and sweet they were happy and daydreamed equally of getting an apartment together when they attend university. All those plans went down the drain though when after a year at university Kentin was finding life their bland and unrewarding. Candy was great but this wasn’t where he wanted to be. Like it or not he was a military kid. Telling Candy he wanted to enlist was hard enough. She promised him that they could work things long distance but he knew it wouldn’t work. Military camp was brutal but actually enlisting was even more demanding physically and mentally. Hell, some military schools didn’t even allow correspondence between cadets and family/friends for the first couple months. He didn’t want to put her through that. It was through many tears and a lot of denial and desperation that Candy finally let him go. This is what he wanted and she could respect that and was incredibly proud of him. Also no matter where he went or who he met she would always be his girl and he would always be her first real love.

LYSANDER:

Breaking up with Lysander was a mutual parting. Life was going well for Candy and Lysander and while university was stressful they were getting along fine. Lysander attended a different university that was a bit of a drive from Candy’s but they could meet up for dates pretty regularly. Halfway through their second year of university Lysander was given the amazing opportunity to study abroad, something he had dreamed about doing since graduating. Candy had also been given a great internship opportunity that could open a floodgate of job opportunities for her. Things were going great! But where did that put them? He was going to be so far away and she’d be super busy with her internship that long distance wouldn’t be worth the struggle. Also things in their relationship were a tad stale. Loving but predictable. They needed a break from each other. A chance to meet more people and make different relationships. When and if they ever got back to each other they would appreciate one another even more.

ARMIN:

Armin and Candy’s break up was confusing. They didn’t really have any problems or argued a whole lot. They got along great and had fun and were very much in love. Slowly though they came to realize that their relationship was slowly devolving from boyfriend and girlfriend to just friends. Friends with benefits to be more specific. How? Well Armin was just such a fun buddy kinda guy that romantic gestures weren’t his thing. Date nights were staying home eating pizza and watching movies or playing video games. They had fun but it wasn’t that much different from how they spent time with their other friends besides a lot of stupid flirting that ended with them laughing more than it did in anything else. Candy wanted more than just a friend and someone to kiss. She wanted emotional connection. Voicing said concerns to Armin got him to try and spend more time attending to her emotional needs but it still wasn’t enough. She didn’t want to and days would go by where Candy would ponder whether she made the right decision in breaking things off but stuck to it nonetheless. Over some years of growing and soul searching they may meet again ready to try this over again. Till then her life was a single player game.

CASTIEL:

Castiel and Candy. Wow was this a hard break up. After so much time built into earning his respect and forming a relationship of equals that was both romantic and healthy. It was everything that his relationship with Deborah wasn’t. Castiel wasn’t going to attend university and Candy understood this. His future was definitely his music and Candy encouraged him. She had a lot of patience and understanding when it came to his dreams. When he got a record deal though is when things took a turn for the worse. All his time was with his music and his band and playing gigs. Candy was left as an afterthought then he got mad jealous anytime she so much as looked at another guy. Many fights later, each escalating more than the other before finally the break up. It is up for debate who broke up with who first but it was definitely a messy break up that left both with a bunch of residual anger at the other. Underneath all the drama though he was still her Cassie and she was still his ironing board. They could tease and joke between the sideways glances. Small hidden smiles and memories of happier times promising that maybe now that they were older things could--not go back to before--but evolve into something even better.

MAKEUPS:

NATHANIEL:

Candy didn’t really see or even talk to Nathaniel until a few years after she had graduated from university. She had gone through a few relationships since him, some of them pretty serious, until finally ending up a twenty something single and looking for that one special person that would make all her past relationship seem like stepping stones. Back at her old high school for a reunion is when she reconnects with Nathaniel. They are happy to see each other and talk about how their lives have been going since the last time they saw each other. Talking about their recent adventures and struggles leads to reminiscing about past times in the same halls they stood in now. Nathaniel asks her if she would like to grab coffee the next day which she agrees to. The entire afternoon is them talking and laughing and admitting some hard truths. She missed him. He missed her too. What was he going to do now that he was out of school? Well he was moving to so and so for a new job. Weird, Candy actually lives in so and so now for her job. She could show him around to some of the best restaurants...if he was up for it. Nothing would make him happier. They set a dinner date for two weeks from now at a cute little bistro.

KENTIN:

It was a chance encounter while Candy was on vacation that she and Kentin met again. It was a celebratory vacation with her friends as a reward for graduating university. They were at a bar getting something to drink in the hot afternoon when Kentin spotted her and came over to say hello. They spent the time at the bar catching up and flirting very heavily that when it came time to say goodbye their friends who had been watching the entire time asked if they were dating. Kentin tries to deny it saying that it was a long time ago but Candy is having none of it. They could be dating...if he wanted to try again. Kentin did only have another month before he would be returning home. With a kiss on the cheek and a promise to call her when he’s home again Candy walks off with her friends and Kentin with his. Twin blushes and a lot of friendly probing follow suit.

LYSANDER:

The start of Candy and Lysander reconnecting was, in a word, embarrassing. More so for one party than the other. Candy was at home watching some late night television when she got a call from a number she hadn’t heard from in a long time. Lysander. Confused but pleasantly surprised she answered and...he was drunk. That much she gathered quickly. Apparently tonight was the anniversary of when they first met and with a bottle of wine and no one to keep him from doing anything stupid called Candy to lament and spout slurred poetry about how he missed her and regretted ever letting them break up. He still loved her and wanted to see her. Not wanting to get her hopes up she talked to him calmly and rationally. Instructing him to just go to bed and if he wanted to talk to her then to do it when he was sober. Lysander concedes and says he’ll call her tomorrow when the hangover has passed. With a half mumbled ‘I love you” he hangs up. Candy says a quiet ‘I love you’ to the dead air of the phone. In the morning she gets another call from a sober Lysander apologizing for last night. Candy assures him it is fine, sober or not she was glad to hear from him. He only wished he hadn’t inconvenienced her. He had been meaning to talk to her again for months but only got the courage after a couple glasses of wine. She wanted to talk to him too. He suggest they meet up, talk some more. He was still living abroad but he was in town for Leigh’s birthday. Candy would be attending as well, an invitation from Rosa. They agree to meet at the party and go from there.

ARMIN:

Candy and Armin were never completely absent from each others lives since they had Alexy as a mutual inbetween and remained good friends through the years. It wasn’t until attending Alexy’s wedding that they officially came together again. Maybe it was the music or the copious amounts of love in the air that reminded the two of all they had before things started going down hill. Maybe it was the slap in the face of reality by seeing just how much time had gone by since they were ever a couple. They weren’t teenagers anymore, they were college graduates with fulfilling careers doing what they love, they were adults with responsibilities and a berth of world knowledge and maturity they didn’t have before. So when Armin asked Candy to dance she smiled and took his hand gladly. Memories from before bubbling up and old feelings locked away creeping through for recognition. Would this last for just the night or could they turn it into something that would lead to something more permanent? They didn’t know and they didn’t care but both were hoping for the latter.

CASTIEL:

These two while having the messiest break up also took the longest to get back together. It was years after Candy graduated from university. One evening her friends pulled her out to go to this music festival one. She was having fun listening to the different bands when one name on the group list caught her attention. It was Castiel’s band. She hadn’t even thought about him much since their breakup besides a few drunken rants and an old song of his she’d find humming to herself while doing laundry. Curious to see what he was like after all that time apart she went to the show. It was a great performance that his band put on and Castiel himself looked amazing all grown up. After they left the stage she snuck back to where they were relaxing. Castiel was shocked to see her but not angry like she may have feared. They suffered through some very stilted pleasantries before Castiel asked her to take a walk with him. The conversation took on a heavier tone as they discussed how long it had been since they’d seen one another and how they had left things when they broke up. If it was worth anything he regretted how they ended things and realized that he was out of line with how he treated her. She wasn’t without her faults too. She knew how much his music meant to him and maybe should have helped to work around their crazy schedules so they weren’t missing each other constantly. In a move that Candy never would have expected from him Castiel pulls out a very familiar hard drive and hands it to her. The song he had wrote for her when they were in high school...He tells her there was another song on it. One he had written a while after they broke up. He asks her to take a listen and if she wants to meet up afterwards she could give him a call as he would be in town all week. No pressure but he wanted her to keep the hard drive with the songs either way. He wrote them for her. Candy knew without having to listen to the song she would be asking him to coffee later.

[superstrangerthings]

Poetry and Panties

Word count: 1,824

Warning: smut, blowjob, fingering, fluff!

Pairing: Castiel x Reader

Summary: It’s your one year anniversary with Cas and the night starts off really lovely and cute but then things get heated in a competition to come before the pizza arrives.

Tags:   @badwolfy08 @jensen-gal

A/N: Thank you everyone for 100 followers! This is the celebration fanfic, and if you don’t like the smut, the fluff is at the start which is pretty cute so I hope you enjoy!

Tonight you had something special planned for you and your boyfriend Cas. It was your 1 year anniversary, but you two had been best friends for long before that because you had been hunting with the Winchesters since before Cas arrived. Cas had been an amazing best friend and boyfriend for the past year but you hadn’t got a lot of date nights due to the release of Amara and Cas being possessed by Lucifer for a while, and you didn’t need date nights as per say but you always enjoyed spending a night alone with Cas.

Each of you had surprises for each other, but yours involved setting up for the main part of the night so Cas had gone out with the Winchesters for a drive upon your request. Sure enough they arrived back just as you were finishing, as you had anticipated because Cas probably didn’t understand the pointless drive and was sending Sam and Dean crazy. You moved out into the room just below the door as it opened and closed again heavily.

“I just don’t understand why did we drive to the town and back for no reason.” Cas’ deep voice grumbled from upstairs.

Dean ignored him, leaning over the banister and calling down to you, “Have fun Y/N, we’ll be back in the morning.” And before Cas could ask any more questions, the brothers were gone.

He walked down the stairs, stopping on the last step as he made eye contact with you. He tilted his head slightly and squinted his eyes.

You laughed, stepping forward to hug him and kiss his cheek, “Welcome back, baby. I have the place set up for us.”

His stiff countenance dissolved and he smiled, “Happy one year anniversary Y/N.”

“You too baby.”

You took his hand and led him down the hall towards your room. Arriving at your door, you stopped and turned to Cas, looking him up and down before saying, “You need to take off your trench coat, suit jacket and shoes.”

He looked confused again, but complied anyway. When he was done and had folded his clothes neatly, you took them off of him and set them beside the door. He asked, “Y/N, I don’t understand, why do I have to be without my shoes and coats?”

“Well,” You explained, “you always wanted to know what human things I enjoy, just like Dean how loves his car, and I have showed you some things. But tonight I made my room into a sort of ‘happy place’ that I want you to share in because you belong in my happy place too.” Suddenly you became worried that it was a stupid idea. “We don’t have to do that. I just thought that it might be nice…” You dropped your head to look at the floor in embarrassment.

A light touch gripped your chin and brought your eyes up to meet Cas’ eyes – they were glowing with love and happiness. “Y/N, that sounds like the perfect night.” He kissed you slowly before breaking away and adding, “Especially with my surprise later on in the night.”

You took his hand again and pulled him into the room. You were happy to hear his slight intake of breath upon entering the room because you had spent so long doing it up. The floor was completely covered in cushions and pillows, and in the corner of the room you had built a fort. You had managed to create a tent of blankets big enough for the two of you to have plenty of room to sit. Leading Cas through the dimly lit room, you brought him to the fort and asked him to get in and sit down, “I’m just grabbing the last wee thing.”

He got in and you quickly grabbed the pile of poetry books lying on your bed, and then headed into the fort with Cas. He was looking around wondrously. The fort was also filled with cushions for you to sit on and there was a speaker sitting in the middle for music, but Cas’ eyes were entranced by the bright fairy lights covering the inside of the blankets.

“Y/N this is truly beautiful.” You sat down beside him and held his hand, watching the glow in his eyes and the slight smile that hung on his lips as he studied the lights. Each little light was shaped like a small angel that glowed a bright white colour.

“I thought it would be like having all your brothers and sisters together with you, because I know how much you love them.” You said.

“I do love them,” He said breathlessly, “And I love you Y/N.” He kissed your cheek lightly.

You let out a small giggle before continuing on with your plan, “So, you don’t know much about music so I put together a playlist for us to listen to while we are reading. These are all my poetry books,” You gestured to the pile, “And this is my happy place – listening to music; reading poetry; and being with you.” Cas grinned eagerly, excited to get the night under way.

 An hour later, you and Cas were both engrossed in your books, chatting about any poems that stuck out for you. The music was playing softly and the fort surrounded you in a nice warmth.

Cas perked up again, obviously having found another poem he likes. He recited it slowly,

“you look like you smell of

Honey and no pain

Let me have a taste of that.”

“Mm, I like that one too.” You agreed.

“It reminds me of you.” Cas said sweetly and kissed you softly.

You broke apart and smiled. “How about I go and get the food ordered?”

“Yes, that sounds good. And while you do that I can get my part of the night set up.”

You blushed under his loving stare and moved out to the door, the absence of warmth a sudden contrast upon your skin. As you left the room and headed down to the kitchen to find the take away menu, you wondered what Cas had planned for you. No matter how many ideas came into your head, none of them seemed like viable options.

You kept wondering as you ordered the pizza and when you finished, you turned to sneak back down the corridor to see what he was up to but there he was standing in the doorway. The way he was admiring your body sent shivers through your body and made a blush creep up on your face, so you broke the silence, “Pizza will be here in 15 minutes.”

Cas smirked and you could see the mischievously lustful look in his eyes, “That gives us plenty of time for the first part of my plan.” He sauntered over to you steadily.

“And what would that be?” You didn’t realise how little space there was until the table was on the back of your legs and Cas was pressed into your front, his erection evident.

“We fuck, and whoever comes first, has to pay for the pizza.” He grinned and you knew what he was doing; he was playing on the fact that he can make you so horny but you’re also super competitive.

When you didn’t reply straight away, he started grinding his erection into you. “Come on Y/N, I bet you that I can make you come first.”

You took a deep breath and contemplated your options before giving in and ripping Cas’ shirt off his shoulders. It didn’t take long before you and Cas stood there making out, in only your underwear. He led the kiss as his tongue explored your mouth. You had always loved the stubble on his cheeks scratching against yours, and the feel of his lips gliding with yours passionately, hungrily. But you had to make him come first.

You quickly grabbed his erection which forced him to break the kiss out of surprise and before he could react you were on your knees in front of him. Before he could object, knowing what you could do to him like that, you had pulled his boxers down and sucked his tip into your mouth. Only staying there for a moment, you then pushed your head down onto him. You began giving him all the works; going slow when you wanted to focus on a certain area, going fast when you were working him with your hand also, and giving his balls the odd tug for good measure.

Looking up at him with puppy dog eyes, you could see how flustered and frustrated he was getting. Suddenly he tugged you up to stand, panting heavily before you as you smiled innocently and wiped your lips.

“You think you can play that game?” He was obviously close to coming so you ground down on his still wet erection. He groaned and then, all of a sudden, two of his fingers were knuckle deep inside of you. “Two can play at that game Y/N.”

He thrust them in and out of deep inside you, forcing you to moan out and your legs go as weak as jelly. You couldn’t think straight as he started to suck on your nipples, teasing them with his tongue and teeth.

When you finally got your wits about you again, you pulled his fingers out of you and spun him round to make him sit on the table. He didn’t have time to get up before you were riding him deeply. His voice shook as the groan left his throat and you leant down  to kiss him, sure that at this rate you were going to win – cowgirl was one of Cas’ favourite positons.

Your over confidence started to fall though as you could feel that your orgasm was actually building up faster than Cas’. Unknowingly you conveyed that look to Cas and he took his opportunity by flipping you over and pounding deep inside you.

You  were so close now that you didn’t have the power in you to fight against, all you do was try and hold off you orgasm, which would be fine as long as Cas didn’t…

“Come for me Y/N, come for me princess.” That gravelly lust filled voice was the last thing that sent you soaring into the white bliss. Your entire body shaking and screams leaving your lips. Moments later Cas’ come was deep inside you as he groaned out a mantra of your name and profanities.

Just as you both recovered slightly and Cas cleaned up the come dripping down your thighs, the doorbell rang. “Shit, the pizza guy.” You turned to Cas who was smirking and leaning back in a chair as he made no move to get up. “Ugh.” Was all you could say as you tugged on Cas’ shirt quickly and attempted to run up the stairs even though your legs still weren’t working after that incredible sex.