#also there was a really cute interview of a random kid who liked biking

[sportsallover]

Thibaut Pinot age 7

(screenshots from La Caméra explore le Tour, a segment in the show Vélo Club by France.tv)

Bonus: Thibaut being asked what he wants to do when he's grown up (while a kid off camera answers champion on the Tour de France!)

Video under the readmore

Soundless video because I don't know how to gif, nor how to record both screen and sound. Sorry 🙈

Basically, he's asked who his favorite rider is (Richard Virenque), why (he is cut off by an off camera kid who says it's because he's won the polka dots jersey; he agrees), and what he wants to do once he's grown up (he doesn't know, but another off camera kid says "Champion of the Tour de France" :D)

(lmk if you know how to record videos properly! I can try again by tomorrow.)

[shirtlesssammy]

1x03: Dead in the Water

Then:

A Season One Aesthetic

Now:

Lake Manitoc, Wisconsin

We open to a quaint family tableau: father, daughter, and son. The daughter is a bit of a health nut and heads to the lake for a morning swim. If this brand new baby of a show hadn’t been named “Supernatural”, the under the water shots of her swimming would tip us off that something creepy is about to go down. The woman hears voices and is suddenly sucked under the water. We then are shown 2.5 hours of bubbling water. SUSPENSE.

Dean Winchester is on the case though! (Natasha: Look at these precious babies, still using printed newspapers to research cases!) Bby is a bit thirsty for a buxom server to really care about Sam’s slight bitchiness that their dad is still missing (I’ll always remember my resounding, insistent questioning about where their father was when I watched this the first time. Lol, John Winchester is coming back for episode 300, and I no longer am chomping at the bit for this. Ok, so like, yeah, I think it’ll be good --it better be cathartic for the brothers, especially Dean, who’s changed and grown so much since his father has died. Instead of writing this recap, let me write a 1000 word essay on the return of John Winchester.) Dean makes it very clear that he wants to find their dad, but until then, they’re going to hunt everything they can. 

Wildlife Agents Ford and Hamill are on the case. They interview the brother, who tells them his sister was an expert swimmer and nothing was amiss about the lake that day. Sam wants to interview the father but “he’s kind of been through a lot.”

They head to the sheriff’s office. Ha, the sheriff insists that there’s nothing in the lake big enough to pull a human under, “unless it was the Loch Ness Monster.” (We won’t learn for several seasons that the Loch Ness Monster is actually real. I wonder if the brothers know that at this point.) In the process of explaining the unexplainable, the sheriff spills that the dam is falling apart. In 6 months, there won’t be a lake --or a town for that matter.

The sheriff’s daughter and grandson pop in. Dean turns the creep factor up a bit at the daughter, Andrea, but turns on the soft father-type he really is when he sees the grandson, Lucas. Lucas doesn’t respond to Dean, and his grandfather admits he’s “been through a lot.”

Andrea walks Dean and Sam over to their motel. Dean tries engaging her in conversation, but she sees right through his weak style. “Must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find yourself to a decent pick up line.” BURN.

Although, Sam calling Dean out on not loving kids is rich. WE KNOW HE DOES --but Sam doesn’t at this point. (Sidenote: Dean counting with his hands and scratching the back of his head. That’s it. That’s the sidenote.)

Sam’s research reveals that whatever is haunting the lake, it’s picking up its pace. There have been disappearances over the years, but it’s becoming much worse. They discover that Lucas is the only witness to what’s happening in the lake. He was out with his father a couple months before when his father drowned. Yeah, I guess this kid has been “through a lot.” Dean’s empathy with Lucas breaks me.  

The brothers track Andrea and Lucas down at a park. Dean heads to talk with Lucas while Sam stays with Andrea. Dean’s beyond the flirting stage, and wants to get to the bottom of this case. He also has a major soft spot for a kid in pain. BRB, crying.

Dean tries engaging a mute Lucas with reminiscing about green plastic army men. BRB, crying. (GOD! There are really some things that can hit you A LOT harder on a rewatch.) Dean asks to sit and draw with Lucas. He has an artist’s eye (WHERE’S THE DEAN IS AN ARTIST FANFIC, YOU HEATHENS.)  Dean then proceeds to start drawing and, lit by nothing but soft, reflective music, talk to Lucas about his own childhood trauma. He tells Lucas that he’ll listen if Lucas wants to talk (or draw).

Dean reconnects with Sam as Andrea tells how traumatized Lucas is. Lucas walks up and hands Dean a picture of a house.

That night, the father of the victim sits morosely in the dark, his son insisting he eat something (Sidenote: I love how the budget was so tight in early seasons of Supernatural that they couldn’t afford lighting.) While the son preps dinner, the sink water turns black and starts bubbling up from the drain.

Ok, Asshole, we’ve all seen It. Do you want to float too? Ugh. Apparently so, because bro sticks his hand in and gets sucked under. The water eventually drains away to reveal his dead face.

Upon learning about the latest lake victim, Sam and Dean quickly put it together that whatever is haunting the lake is in a race against time. It can reach out beyond the lake, and it will take what it can, while it can. The brothers go to visit the victim’s father, Bill Carlton. He’s in a deep state of grief, and in no place to talk. Dean thinks he’s also hiding something. He also notices that the drawing of a house Lucas gave him matches the Carlton home.

They go to talk with Lucas. Dean asks Lucas about his drawing, and feels that Lucas is scared. (Dean admitting he leads his life the way he feels others want him to. BRB, crying.) Lucas gives Dean another picture of a boy and a bike.

For Pained Boy Noir Science:

In the car, Sam spins out theories that Lucas is experiencing trauma-induced psychic visions. (I wonder if they'd planned Sam's psychic arc at this point?) (Later edit: They DID! Excellent!) Sam also tries to address Dean's revelation about seeing their mom die, which Dean shrugs off with his signature macho deflection. Damn it, Dean.

They find the church and the yellow house that match up to the drawing Lucas gave Dean and head in to investigate. An elderly woman lives there who tells them about the disappearance of her son 35 years ago. “Losing him – it's worse than dying.” Dean finds an old photo of the missing boy and Bill – the father from the cold open.

Cut to Bill sitting on the end of the dock addressing the water, saying that he finally understands what it wants. Losing his children is “worse than dying.” When Dean and Sam arrive, he's already piloting a boat out into the water. His boat gets thrown into the air and...game over.

Back at the Sheriff's, Lucas is freaking out. He grabs Dean, distressed, but can still say nothing. Dean looks after him as he leaves, equally distressed.

For OH NO, DEAN BEAN Science:

Later, the Sheriff interrogates Dean and Sam, telling them that he knows they're not Fish and Wildlife Service. Uh, yeah, no kidding! They start to leave town but Dean changes his mind and heads back. Sam's surprised.

Dean: I just don't want to leave this town until I know the kid's okay.

Sam: Who are you? And what have you done with my brother?

Dean: Shut up.

Natasha: What Dean said.

Meanwhile, Andrea is preparing an extremely full bath. She relaxes into it as brackish water begins pouring in through the tap. Suddenly something grabs her and tries to pull her down into the bathtub. Dean and Sam arrive during the attack and Lucas opens the door for them and leads them to the bathroom.

Dean kicks down the door (Mmmmhmmmm) while Sam drags Andrea from the bath, fighting the spirit’s fierce hold. They save her! Yay! But that nice wood floor is ruined, man.

(Sidenote: I love how this episode was filmed. There are so many interesting shots through windows and mirrors, as though these are reflections or looking through the surface of water. Well done, show!)

The next morning Sam gently interrogates Andrea while Dean researches through old family albums. He finds a picture of the Sheriff – Jake - as a young boy, in a Boy Scout troop photo with Bill and the missing boy, Peter. A clue! 

Lucas interrupts them by staring intently outside, and he leads them to a patch of moss. Sam and Dean dig, only to find Peter’s red bicycle buried in the ground.

Jack interrupts the Winchesters and pulls a gun on them, asking them how they knew the bicycle was there. Ooof. How did YOU know it was there, buddy? “You can't bury the truth,” Sam tells him. Dean tells Jack that the kid they killed is haunting the lake and plans to kill Andrea and Lucas AND Jack. They need to burn and salt the remains. Andrea runs out to talk to her dad and asks him for the truth. She reminds him that her husband died and tells him she was recently attacked. Jack begins to break down. He tells her that he and Bill bullied Peter. They held his head underwater too long and he drowned. The body sank into the lake.

They're making plans to leave the lake when they notice Lucas leaning over the end of the dock.

They race to pull him away, but it's too late. A gray arm reaches out of the water and drags Lucas in. 

While Sam and Dean dive into the water to search for him, Jack wades into the lake pleading with Peter's ghost to take him instead. Andrea watches it all from the dock and HELLO, TRAUMA.

Jack gets pulled down into the suddenly crazy deep lake. Meanwhile Sam emerges from the water and shakes his head sadly. NOOOOO.

Suddenly Dean bursts up out of the water with Lucas in his arms! Lucas is limp :( :( :(

The next day, Sam and Dean get ready to leave town. “We're not gonna save everybody,” Sam tells a sad Dean. NOOOOOOO. Just then, Andrea calls to them and she and Lucas approach! Oh, show, good job tricking me. They've brought them lunch! Lucas is speaking again! Andrea is super cute!

Andrea and Sam wrap up the case. Andrea’s seeking some closure and peace with the loss of her father. Dean and Lucas share a different farewell. Dean teaches Lucas to say, “Zepp rules!” Oh, Dean. I’d say never change, but I enjoy the journey.

Dean gets a kiss from Andrea. Dean's adorable about it and SOFT. Then Dean Bean ushers Sam back to the car. Time to hit the road! On Netflix, we get played out with some random pop song but on the originally released show Bad Company's "Movin' On" starts to play and they head out to the next hunt.

Natasha: This episode holds a special place in my heart because it's the moment when my eyes were open to Dean Winchester in all his traumatized, dutiful, and soft glory. I loved the little glimpses we get into the loss of Mary and the effect that had on Dean. This episode reads like a thesis statement on macho Dean and his underlying softer layers – from his empathy with Lucas to his use of Ford and Hamill surnames for their cover. (Boris: HARD AGREE)’

Still Searching for the Quote-Ness Monster:

We will find Dad, but until then, we're gonna kill everything bad between here and there. Okay?

I’m Agent Ford, this is Agent Hamill. We’re with the U.S. Wildlife Service.

Kids are the best, huh?

Must be hard, with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.

Watching one of your parents die isn’t something you just get over.

Kids are strong. You'd be surprised what they can deal with.

My mom—I know she wanted me to be brave. I think about that every day. And I do my best to be brave.

Zeppelin rules!

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

[timelosserscmbynobsession]

Timmy doing/saying cute things about Armie

This is for the anon who asked me to do a post of Timmy saying cute things about Armie. Thank you for liking my blog, I’m glad you’re enjoying the contents here <3

Sorry I don’t know why your ask disappeared after I clicked save as draft, so I made this post instead of answering your ask, and sorry for the late reply because it took me forever going through all the ‘armie x timmy’ tags on my blog, and really, there are TONS OF THEM lol. Anyway, here is the super long post of Timmy doing/saying nice/sweet/cute things about Armie, or really, just Timmy gushing about Armie.

(Most of the gifs aren’t mine, they’re from those talented, passionate and amazing people in this fandom who so kindly shared them with us, love y’all <3)

WARNING: THIS POST HAS TONS OF GIFS AND PICS AND IT’S SUPER LONG SO IT MIGHT BE SLOW AF JUST SO YOU KNOW.

Q: What’s it like? ‘Cause that’s a very personal experience playing a character like that. What’s it been like for your relationship with Armie? And then famous “a random luck in the universe”…

(via bowie28)

He thanked Armie in his speech at PSIFF after Armie presenting the awards to him.

(via robbieamell)

Timmy talking about how amazing a ‘dance partner’ Armie was.

(via corcordiumm)

Also Armie’s his ‘tongue wrestling partner’… (0:14)

And this boy just couldn’t stop gushing about Armie…

(via bowie28)

There are some quote from some interview…

“…the dreamy months hanging out with Armie Hammer, the bike rides, frolicking in alleyways and bonding so tightly with someone that the only thing you can compare it to is actual, soul-binding love – is in the past. “I don’t think I’ll have an acting experience as immersive as that,” he says. “I came of age as an actor during my time with Armie. The relationship that blossomed out of it is the most precious gift.” - shortlist

He also praised Armie’s acting whenever he could in the DVD commentary.

(via filmsby)

And in some interview, the first thing he said is: where is Armie?

(via robbieamell)

Timmy said it’s like they have spent 7 years together already. And Armie said that famous thing that they’ve spent so much time together that he could see Timmy in his childhood memories.

(via corcordiumm)

And he’s totally a fanboy of Armie, you know?

(via bowie28)

Remember that A for Armie hoodie of Timmy’s?

(via littlelovebomb)

And he’s not kidding about Armie being his role model…

(via bowie28)

He even imitated  Armie’s dance in one of the Q&As with Luca while Armie wasn’t there, what a little shit lol.

(via corcordiumm)

I guess he’s kinda obsessed with dancing Armie… See Pauline’s knowing smirk?

(via corcordiumm)

And have you seen the way he talked about Armie’s beard? Like he’s telling you his first time with Armie… I mean, his first beard burn experience which was caused by Armie… and he touches Armie’s cheek unnecessarily? And that kinda amazed look on his face lol.

(via tchalametdaily)

While being asked “If you could describe yourself as a spirit animal, what would that be?” he brought Armie up, like, who asked you what Armie thought lol?

(via bowie28)

And do you know what “Honey Badger” is? No? Let me tell y'all…

And also at some point Timmy called Armie his sweetie lol.

And seems like he can’t wait to invite Armie to his place…

(via chalametdaily)

But at the same time he’s already had a base in LA which is Armie’s place…

(via corcordiumm)

And while being asked how he annoyed Armie, and he said… well, Timmy, did you hear the question wrong or something? Look at Armie’s face… annoyed? I mean…

(via corcordiumm)

Timmy signed his name on Armie first so Armie just signed his name on Timmy.

And let’s not forget how he talked about Armie’s balls enthusiastically…

(via timothechallamet)

And he couldn’t believe there would be anyone who doesn’t think Armie’s testicles sexy… and immediately realized he slipped lmao.

(via corcordiumm)

His first thought is ‘Armie’ while hearing the word ‘love’. Not mom, family or hate like Armie’s answer but ARMIE, WTF Timmy lol?

(via robbieamell)

And Timmy’s so sweet and considerate for Armie that he facetimed with Armie when he’s sick and naked in bed and couldn’t attend the Independent Spirit Awards that he’s got nominated.

(via andyjsamberg)

Timmy just has to say how he fell in love with Armie whenever he can as if he thinks Armie people don’t know… Seriously, Timmy?

(via queertony)

“What are you gonna take away from the memories of shooting this one (CMBYN) beyond what occurred on set?“

(via robbieamell)

This is his answer and Armie approved lol.

(via robbieamell)

And at the Texas Film Awards Timmy showed his support for Armie: “I’m here for Armie!” (0:46)

Okayyyy, I know this is a super long post with a lot of gifs which have probably slowed down your device, but I’m 10000% sure that I still missed anything, so if you guys know what else cute things Timmy did/said about Armie, feel free to add ;)

And for my anon, I don’t know if this is what you wished for, but I hope you like it <3

[thirstyfortom]

Hi! Can I have a model MC with RFA+Saeran+V? Thank you very much in advance! :)

Hope you like it!^^

RFA + Saeran and V with a model MC

Zen

Guess who made it to the hottest celebrity couple’s list this year?

At first, he doesn’t really enjoy the sexy photo shoots you eventually do, but he won’t judge or get possessive.

Because he tries to be understanding of you career as much as you understand his.

Plus, he loooooves the attention you two get. He reads social media comments about how people can’t help but imagining you two fucking… which… arouses him more than he would admit to you or to himself.

It’s so great when you go with him to his premieres, and he’s always on the first row of your fashion shows, and there’s so much buzz all over the media because of that.

That photo shoot you two did together almost got banned for being too sexy, the chemistry was too obvious and everybody could tell you two definitely had sex after it was over.

Sometimes, the attention bother you two a little, which makes the private and reserved moments more special.

In moments like this, you two go to your family’s house, or just hop on his bike and leave to his secret place.

You two take a lot of selfies, but just the closest ones have the right to see such exclusive pictures.

Yoosung

Well, he did not see that coming…

Poor boy gets even more insecure, why would someone so talented, beautiful and relevant date him?

He getting all self conscious only boost your need to show your affection in public. People will know you’re taken by him, and nobody can say shit about it.

And most of the time, it works, he’s looking at all these guys envying him, and he won’t lie, it’s a great feeling.

But media can be really mean saying you’re dating a minor or weird shit like that, and there goes all the confidence you’ve been trying so hard to build up on him.

So you take him to your photo shoots, introduce him to everybody you work with. Designers, photographers, editors, everybody! Just to show them you’re dead serious about this relationship.

One day, you took him to one of your fashion shows, you even managed to make him meet you backstage.

All the other models l o v e him, he’s so sweet and devoted to you, and it’s cute how he is trying not to look at them so you won’t get mad.

They are all around him as if he is a puppy, and you keep telling them to go easy on him, are you jealous? He won’t deny he kinda likes it.

Next day, there is a photo of boy Yoosung being pampered by all those gorgeous models all over the news

No need to say it would take a lot to make his confidence go down after that.

Jaehee

She’s legitimately proud for all of your accomplishments.

Also, she loves how you don’t let fame get the best of you, you manage to keep sweet, humble and it’s nothing like a diva.

Of course sometimes she’s a little insecure, what someone like you could even see on a dull owner of a coffee shop?

But just a little affection in public and some public statements from you about her on interviews, and she forgets her insecurities.

She helps with everything she can, she cooks for you, trains with you (she taught you some judo stuff) and makes sure nobody bothers you when you’re resting before a major campaign or fashion show.

Seriously, she basically manages you better than your own manager.

You’re constantly bringing her along in your gigs, and she’s legitimately honored to be surrounded by so many talented and inventive people.

People you work with really like her because she always offer coffee to them, courtesy of her coffee shop, of course.

And they always manage to pay her back, giving her hair products, make-up, designer clothes, everything that fascinates her about your world.

She often gets shy because of all the attention she usually gets through you, and sometimes she has to excuse herself from all of this.

But she felt so proud when you got a GLAAD Award for being such an LGBTQ icon on the fashion industry.

Which you two celebrated by yourselves, on her coffee shop.

Jumin

The elegant stride, the perfect posture, the look in your eyes… you felt very familiar to him at first.

Then he remembered, you modeled for one of his company products! You did such a great job, and you were so professional and hardworking.

His father noticed that too and made a move on you during break, that’s why he remembers so vividly, oh god…

Apologizes one hundred times and makes his father apologize too, which flusters you, because you were completely fine with this before.

He doesn’t like seeing you just in underwear on billboards all over town, but he would hate to see you act unprofessionally and not doing a gig just because your boyfriend told you so.

But he will introduce you to all the most renowned photographers and designers to get you to the more high artistic fashion, think less Calvin Klein ads and more Vogue Japan editorials. (shhh, don’t tell him some of them can be really sexy too)

When you two get tired of the spotlight, he plans a trip to one of his private beaches (Yes, one of)

And will sue any magazine who gets exclusive shots of your little vacation

Talking about another power couple. He doesn’t really like the attention, but he can’t hold back a soft smile whenever he hears things like “just imagine their kids”, because he’s definitely imagining.

Saeyoung

When he hacked into your phone and saw you through the CCTV, he fell off his chair in shock

You’re… you’re that girl from the car show! The one who convinced him to take one of his babies

He wasn’t really fond of the idea of getting that particular car, but you managed to convince him with strong arguments about the car’s features and maybe with your sweet smile.

So yeah, he’s pretty much a fan now he knows your name and where to find your portfolio.

When you two get together, he doesn’t really enjoy the idea of seeing you in car shows like a product that comes along with the cars

So he does what he did to Zen, a Tripterbot to spam pictures of you so you can get better gigs.

Which slowly starts to work, as you’re getting more job offers for photo shoots and even some fashion shows.

Even with the whole agency thing being over, he’s still not confident to be seen in public with you

So he starts to wear masks and paper bags when you start getting famous, and people think your boyfriend is trying to make public statement or he’s a mysterious dj or something like this, which only helps increasing your popularity.

He feels like a proud mom when you get to be spokesperson for a famous car brand. You’ve come a loooong way since being an accessory at car shows.

Saeran

You weren’t a big deal when he led you to Rika’s apartment, so he thought you would still be suitable according to all his research

And let’s say he really wanted to take a pretty face to paradise when RFA would get finally destroyed…

But as he got to know you, he noticed you were so much more than a pretty face, you were actually a very smart lady starting a business with hair products under your name

When you get together, he takes as his personal mission to help you with your business and make you a big deal in this industry.

Congratulations! You got a boyfriend who works as your social media analyst, he knows exactly what you should post to get attention from model agencies and customers to your business.

He feels really weird and flustered though all the process of taking pictures of you, but deep down he loves to help you and you both know that

When it comes to your relationship, he’s obviously not comfortable about being seen in public, so yeah… he keeps it at a low profile

The media just knows you’re taken thanks to a mysterious tattoo you have on your nape, and there are all the speculations about your boyfriend being that famous singer who last music video had you as a feature, or a politician, maybe someone from the royal British family? You never confirm or deny, so the buzz keeps going and boosting likes on your Instagram.

Another move your social media analyst made sure to pull it off.

V

Match made in heaven

It’s just… perfect! He wants to be the photographer of every one of your photo shoots

And when is not possible, he makes sure to get you to work with someone he trusts that will do a good job.

Of course he’s very professional and won’t mind you sharing the camera lens with another model

It’s not because he’s your boyfriend, but he’s genuinely your favorite photographer to work with, you love how he’s able to capture so many different nuances from you, you can be sexy, you can be high-fashion or very pure and ethereal with just a few clicks from him.

But he’s modest and says it’s all your doing, he’s just capturing what it’s in front of his eyes.

He also always have the best shots of you in fashion shows, well, not only you, but of all the other models. The media, however, always points out how your pictures are obviously being taken by someone who’s in love with you.

Both of you think it’s cheesy, but… it is kinda true, actually.

Again, power couple. You’re so respected on your work fields. If separated, you two are great, together you are able to make it look it’s magic.

However, you’re both very discreet. But he’s planning a book of random pictures he took of you when you weren’t modeling (though it looks like you were)

[boludosaires]

2/1/17: Stereotyped

I went with a reporter named María from La Nacion to one of the villas today, Villa 1-11-14 to be exact. It’s one of the biggest slums in the city, mostly made up of immigrants from Bolivia and Peru. We went there for a story she was working on about a city government organization that provides free legal services to people living in the villas, like help with migration papers or legal defense. I wasn’t really doing anything, but she offered to take me along to see how they do their stories, and to meet the photographer/videographer that works with them.

I didn’t see much of the villa at all, because we just were in the church where the legal services are offered. But even just being there, it felt like a whole different world. Brightly-painted buildings made of cement with tin roofs stood stacked on top of each other, totally random in their height and size. Stray dogs wandered around, sniffing for food and places to claim new territory. And unlike the central part of the city, where the large majority of people look like white Europeans, here almost everyone was brown with mezclado indigenous-European features, making their roots in Peru or Bolivia immediately apparent.

The line for the free legal services was long, with many mothers holding babies in their arms or breastfeeding while they waited. María had told me the villas are very young, and I noticed; most of the people I saw couldn’t have been older than 40, and many of the mothers were probably under 25.

I had felt pretty weird about the whole concept of going to the villas ever since it was first brought up during our orientation week. The villas here are sort of like what people might call the “ghetto” in the U.S.: many poor folks working under-the-table jobs to get by, mostly made up of the marginalized groups in society, and a serious lack of public services, from schools to sewage to garbage pickup. They are also equally stigmatized; I don’t think I met one Argentine here who didn’t warn me something like “don’t go to the villas alone” or “there’s a lot of problems with crime and drugs there”. It’s not untrue that crime and drugs are a problem there, but it frustrated me to hear those things because it recalled the same kinds of racist, classist comments I hear all the time back home, without recognizing that 1) the majority of people in these neighborhoods are just working people trying to survive and 2) there are systems that create the necessity for people to get involved in crime, and we should be talking more about that than the “dangerous” people in the slums.

Anyway, while María was doing her interviews, I got sort of bored sitting there and decided to talk to these kids in the courtyard where we were sitting. It was a brother and a sister, the brother probably about 7 and the sister no more than 2. They had been doing this really cute thing where the brother balanced his sister on his bike and then pushed her around the courtyard, as if teaching her to ride. So I complemented him on being a good brother. He immediately asked me what country I was from, and I told him the U.S. Another kid came up, who had been biking around doing wheelies like a champ, and I commented him on his BMX skillz. They asked me how I learned Spanish, and I asked them if they were learning English. They said yes, and told me they knew animal words like “monkey”, and then I taught them the word “bicycle”. The wheelie kid then started biking around again, casually doing wheelies but not looking over at me; but he knew exactly what he was doing.

I also asked them if they like living there, and I was surprised that even they said no. They said there were a lot of robberies, and big brother said one of his bikes had been stolen. So I guess despite my frustrations, there are some harsh realities these kids deal with, and they see them, even at that age.

So this short trip did at least help me to learn more about the villas by asking María questions, and I was also at least able to vent my frustrations to her and figure out that she agreed with me about the stigmatization problem. And connecting with the kids was really cool, both just to have fun but also to get some perspective on how they see their own neighborhood. I’d love to have more of those conversations.

<3 Escoot

[drennalynspast]

[ austin and bewilderedness ]

Friday, May. 02, 2008

[ austin and some good news ]

so around friday early evening we left to go to austin.  jacob and shagun were the ones who were driving.  ricky (jacob's cute queer roomate) also came along too. on the highway, there was a stupid semi that stopped in the middle of the road. the car in front of us was stopping and we had to quickly change lanes so we wouldn't slam our brakes.  >.>  we almost ran into the car next to us too..if the other car hadn't changed lanes.  ricky had a gps thing on his phone.  it helped us a lot in navigating.

we arrived in austin around 12 am lol.  we drove to find this street where there was a lot of stuff of eateries and shopping strip (that was close to the UT campus). then, we searched for a hotel to stay for the night.  of course we wanted a relatively cheap hotel.  around  $50-65.  we figured, 'let's go to a super 8 motel'.  we drove in the parking lot and there were cop cars all around with the lights flashing.  and we saw some sketchy black person outside  lolol.  we didn't get a good vibe.  "uhmm...let's go somewhere else. " "i agree"

we went somewhere called the 'rodeway inn".  we looked at the parking lot and there appeared to be nice cars around.  one of the guys walking in the rooms seemed well kept.  so we decided to try it there for one night to see how it goes.  the room was okay.  later on, we turned on the light and we saw this  EFFING HUUUGE cockroach that crawled up the wall.  it was soo disgusting. it was the largest cockroach i have ever seen. and you can see its antennas. ricky and i were freaking out.  

jacob and shagun were like..oh wow uhh.  we had to go to walgreens and get some supplies.  i forgot my toothbrush, retainers, and phone charger >.>  so i got a toothbrush.  we got a can of raid too to spray our room with also.  we found another dead cockroach near the toilet seat and one under the bed.  O_o..... we pretty much established that we are sleeping with the lights on.  (cockroaches supposedly dont' come out in light).  damn, i wanted to get duct tape and tape my mouth shut.  just in case one were to crawl on me *shivers*

luckily we survived that night. the next day, we packed our bags outta that hotel.  next, we went to go to that one street near the campus with the shops and food places.  we mostly looked through the stores.  we wanted to go eat sushi in downtown austin.   the jap restaurant  was closed during the afternoon.

after that, we drove to red rock.  a place close to austin.  it had a recently new outlet mall in there.at red rock, we were disappointed in the stores.  we didn't feel like browsing through a lot of stuff and the clothes were pretty shitty.  (since outlet malls sells the 'defective' items that were made in the factories for a cheaper price :/)  lol we were joking, hey there's a starbucks here.  "it's cheap because it's irregular". red rock outlets wasn't amusing after we tried it look through it.

after outlet shopping, we went to find another hotel.  the night at rodeway, we were on our laptops researching where to find the next better hotel and getting directions.  we decided to go to holiday inn.  it was more expensive..like 30+ more.  but we wanted something better to compensate for our bad night at rodeway.  cockroach free. it was okay.  been a while since i stayed at hotels.  it felt weird being in one.  somehow, i just don't care about semen on sheets anymore lol . i just don't want cockroaches and bedbugs. >.<  if i get pregnant soon, you'll know why x_x. 

we chilled at the hotel for a while and headed out to go look to eat dinner somewhere.  we went back to that same street near campus and ate at a vegan place.  it was pretty good.  i ate some of ricky's sushi that he ordered lolol.  after that, we stopped by this one store where jacob's UT friend helped prepare the opening for.  this guy is like in PR or whatever.  we all said hi to the guy and left.  after that, we walked around the UT austin campus at night. 

zomg, the ut campus was soo big and pretty.  everyone [jacob etc] felt so ashamed for being at ou.  >.>  man, imagine how i freaking feel. c'mon, i go to swosu. :/  they had a lot of stuff. like a bowling alley and pool tables etc in the lower student union.  zomg -this computer lounge area was so awesome.  hmm some random culture rooms above the union.  nice architecture structures all around.  ut campus is obviously right in the center of the austin capitol city.  along that shopping/dining strip, you see a lot of diverse kind of people. some of the people were way too happy riding bikes.  and you see random hippies on the street.  (lol at the weird shirtless guy on the street O_o).  people actually had some style going on in their fashion too.  we took some pictures of us around campus and stuff - running around at night heh.

after the campus browsing (which wasn't much, soo huge and so little time.  i wanted to see the dorms, but it was farther >.>)/ , we went to starbucks and chillaxed.  then, we headed back towards the hilton...i mean, holiday inn.  we went to bed pretty early lol 10:30-11:00 pm ish.  and we woke up around 10-10:30 am.  we were dead tired.</p><p>on the drive back, we still slept. there was nothing else to do.  we ate lunch at luby's cafeteria.  there wasn't a lot of luby's in oklahoma, and ricky missed eating there as a child.  we went there.  there was a lot of old people there..and kids... but the food was good (expensive too :/).  we were so full though.  i couldn't finish my cheesecake arhghhg.

yepyep------------------------------------

[monday]  so after classes, as usual, i was browsing on my computer.  my roomate comes in the room and says the college of pharmacy sent me a letter.  i was thinking, 'omg...so soon!?" x_x.  i wasn't sure what i was feeling at that time.  i knew that if i got rejected, i wouldn't be disappointed.  it was as if i was preparing myself to be rejected somehow.  i opened the letter and stared at it.  i kept reading it over and over again.

>lolwut?  “Dear Ms. XXXX:I am happy to inform you of your conditional acceptance to the College of Pharmacy for the Fall semester 2008"

at that moment, i was flabergasted, bewildered, weirded, and elated.  seriously, omfg, i got accepted.  deep down inside i felt lucky.  obviously i have this inferiority complex where i was skeptical of my acceptance - i don't have an amazing gpa ...hell..even my pcat score is non remarkable.  i was surprised how other people i knew weren't called for an interview etc.  

i feel like people could hate me if they knew of my academic status. but...fuck damnit. screw it all - whatever this inferiority complex i have.  somehow, the admissions committee saw something in me that stood out.  maybe it was autobiographical sketch? maybe it was my interview (which i actually felt pretty confident i did well in)?  maybe it was something in my persona/character that stood out despite my academic blemishes. maybe god is watching me and telling me not to give up?

nonetheless, i feel like i have a reason to believe in myself more. i think i should be more motivated now. i still need to do well in organic 2 during the summer to actually be formally accepted in pharm school.  damnit, i can't screw up this time.  i really want to try hard not to fuck this opportunity. ashdjahfds i really hope i can survive organic 2.  i'm so scared. T_T i just need to make a 'c'.  in pharmacy school, i believe my gpa will be a clean slate. so, there is time to redeem myself. i have to prove to others that i am academically capable and deserving of my admittance - also, i need to improve my character as well -_-.

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[ random disappointment(s)?] - for some odd reason, i was feeling sad on thursday.  it was quite a trivial thing.  i think the reason was just a dumb one. i happened to finish some random pieces of art i was working on, and i posted the works online.  i was hoping to receive some feedback and recognition on them.  though, i didn't really get much response. >.>

why am i not getting any comments damnit? maybe because my art sucks/they don't like it, i'm not popular, people don't know what to say (or they are lazy to say anything), or they hate me?

after brooding, a nap, and working out, i don't feel [too] sad anymore about it (at the moment anyway:|)   ohwait. still kind of irked.  i just hate it when i put hard work into these art things and receive no feedback from them.  it pisses me off rather. i'm not talking about wanting appraisal..but just critique comments that help me improve and shit.  i actually don't complain about it publicly in my art galleries. i don't want to cause a scene. though, i'll rant/vent about my frustration here. XD

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[ehhh sure] - i bumped into an 'acquaintance friend' the other day.  he asked me how i was doing. he asked for my number, and wondered if we could hang out sometime.  i was kind of reluctant to really hang out with this person.  but i gave my number and agreed to hang out later on sometime.  

he called me to confirm the time and stuff and he asked me what things i like to do/what i do in my freetime. me: uh...browse online...workout...  o_o?.....him: i can see that you have a lot of friends. me:...>.> yeah i know i don't have much of a life.

seriously, i don't think i have much of a life.  i don't watch a lot of movies.  i don't play sports.  err...i like to do art and stuff... but who the hell does that kind of hobby?  not a lot of people....sometimes i hate ruining people's expectations of me.  like..somehow people usually seem to be fascinated with exterior sides of people and not no a clue of who the person is really like.  i admit, i can be that kind of judgmental person too.

anyways, i feel like it is going to be awkward hanging out with this guy. i can anticipate myself holding back in how i express myself >.>. ughhg seriously, why am i picky when it comes to hanging out with people? sooo laem.

[hellobarbarellauniverse]

Starting from scratch...at 31

When you feel like you’ve faced it all and it can only get better from here. But it doesn’t.  I was fully aware that all new beginnings are hard but I was not ready for this. The months of July and August had me bent over, staring blankly at walls in rooms that were not mine to keep, crying, wanting to give up and go home, not knowing if I have enough money for food, wanting to keep fighting because I have always pushed through no matter what, feeling alone, feeling thankful for my friends and feeling hungry. But mostly, feeling depressed. After victoriously returning from my 4 months in Longreach thankful that I have made it back with no major injuries (well, I did loose a toe nail but that’s a small price to pay) I imagined that just like everywhere else in the world I was living before, I will land a job easily. Finally get this Australian dream going. Get a car, start surfing, live in a cool shack. After all, I did suffer enough, right? I have the motivation, I have the experience, I have the skills. Let’s do this. Man was I wrong. Noosa is a paradise. It is also a spot where everyone from Australia and overseas wants to live so the competition is crazy. If you don’t have your own business or a history here, your options are pretty much hospitality or tourism. If you are not a certified barista (like everyone beyond the age of 16 seems to be) or a knowledgeable cocktail barman, there is the option of waitressing (if you can gracefully carry at least three full plates and casually entertain your posh guests). If none of those apply, plus you are an immigrant (”What visa are you on? Oh, sorry, we don’t really like that.”), there are the options of dishwashing or cleaning the resorts. I shrugged at that thought, thinking never-ever-ever will I sink this low. I did not come all the way here to wash dishes or scrub toilets (which I will learn later is not all that bad when your account is cleaned out).

Long story short, I have spent two months looking for a job. It does have a (hopefully) happy ending, but I am certainly not there yet.

To avoid being too pathetic, these are just few moments and things I have learnt along the way. I thought it would be good to have them somewhere in case I should get too comfortable with life again. 

I have moved five times during two months. I was living with a girl that pretended I am not really there and watched cheesy American teenage shows and stupid movies way too loud. For someone who needs their own space to keep their sanity this was also the time when I got that psychically unstable that I made myself sick and ended up projectile vomiting a whole night through. Holding on to a glass in my bed at the end of that madness because I was too weak to run to the toilet and there was not enough liquid in me worth making it all the way anyway. I think I was suppressing the stress both from my living situation and being unemployed and running out of money.  I was told that I should stop hoping that I will get a normal job and should go stocking the shelves in supermarket. Apparently, that is the “price you pay when you’re living the Noosa lifestyle”. I would be spending hours filling in the applications for dream jobs in Melbourne and updating my LinkedIn. And 5 minutes later, I would be compiling an excited cover letter saying why I am the right candidate to clean rooms in resorts. Which never worked out anyway because I “don’t have the right resort cleaning experience”. I did not know that there is a special technique to scrub the toilet but OK, fair enough.

At one point, I considered packing my stuff and fleeing to Melbourne since I thought there must be more job opportunities, also in my field. I did not go through with it as I did not have enough savings to get me going not even the first month and I couldn’t go through this all over again. Plus Melbourne in winter is misery.  I received the best feedback from a dream job application to a conceptual design studio in Melbourne saying that “as we are looking for a candidate with around 5-6 years of experience, we did feel that your background was not yet extensive enough to fulfill the needs of this role, though given your enthusiasm and work history so far, I am sure in time you would grow into the perfect fit.” I did not get this job, but I was given hope that a) being foreign does not necessarily disqualify you b) I have got what it takes to apply for these kind of ambitious jobs. 

This made it so much harder trying to understand why none of my applications and walk-ins in Noosa were successful. Not even a freaking job in a shitty restaurant! OK, I was a bit selective but what’s the point of living in Australia when you slave away in an Indian joint? I basically begged for jobs, saying that anything would work for me. 

At this point, your whole persona starts to slowly fade. The self-esteem and believing in your skills are gone. 

I have spent a few nights on a couch with friends, depending on them to feed me, cheer me up and keep me going. Bless them. I have moved to another room that belonged to a surfer dad with a small child who is surfing in South America at the moment and was kind enough to rent me his own room. I have photos of his son next to my bed. I have shoved all toys, kids books, Lego castles and other random shit into shelves and under the bed, as I couldn’t see myself living 5 weeks in a room of a bachelor without losing my mind again.  The Lego castles went, the fleas came. The fat grumpy cat George infested the whole house with fleas. Me and the two other girls living here have dozens of bites all over our bodies as the fleas have spread from George to all the carpets and rooms and thrive. When I finally forced the girls to clean and flea bomb the whole house after days in agony we washed George and pulled (I’m not kidding) what would have been close to 300 fleas out of him. I fucking hate living with cats. And since I was the only one following the requested routine to keep cleaning for the next 14 days, they are back. I will be out. I got excited that I can exhibit my photos from Longreach during the Horizon Underground festival. I got so excited because I love this project and I want to go places with it. It’s the first project I truly believe in. Then the curator shut me down claiming that “ he thought that they were not significantly linked to the other material planned for display ”. The other material next door was an exhibition about how we perceive death. I guess my raw images of dead lambs and dingos hanging from sign posts are not a very obvious link. All right then, I will find a more suitable place. I don’t have the money for prints anyway.  I am an occasional babysitter. I am not that person who thinks kids are cute and uses silly kids language. I think I was not too bad with Izzie, she is a cool kid. Until her sleeping time when she realized both her mum and dad took off to Splendid in Grass festival and I was afraid the neighbours will call the child protective services hearing her agonised screams “Mommy! Mooooomy” for almost half an hour before I gave up and rocked her to sleep again (what killed my back a bit). Or that moment when aa old lady asked me on a playground “How old is your girl?” and I replied “Dunno, 15 months?” :D 

I can hardly talk about living healthy as I am far from buying all good stuff I would like to have including fresh veggies, smoothies, quinoa salads with feta and such. Meat-what? One positive thing is that I have hardly touched sugar as I’d rather buy an apple or bread than a chocolate stick. When you have budget of 10 bucks and are hungry, you weigh your options carefully. It’s actually fun looking back at my emotional rollercoaster. I am also surprised I am not in an institution yet. Here is where I would like to thank my loyal friends (you know who you are) that let me pour my heart out and keep me going. JULY 11 Homeless and living out of my suitcase again. Squatting at Anna’s before moving in to Andy’s. JULY 12

Hi Barbara yes I would like you to exhibit in the green room at the old Ambo and to be on our volunteer staff during Horizon. Publicity! Please someone buy my prints. I got invited for the interview from the mysterious graphic design studio in Noosa that had no info on who they are but their requirements matched my skills perfectly!

JULY 13

I think I can’t make it anymore. JULY 18

Interview with Jaxon and Megs from Clandestino Roasters. Not so casual as expected, they made me sweat with tasks questions and “tell us something about yourself” questions. Somewhere along 50 minutes into the interview I gave up and pulled out my Longreach card. I really want to work for them, such lovely people and such a cool company. JULY 24

I think I’m done. I have no money, I am in debt back home, I owe money to my friends. I have no job. I eat the same breakfast (on a good day it is the same ritual of adding a quarter of an apple, stolen honey and three almonds to muesli, on a bad day it’s a discounted bread with butter). I am not buying basic things. I have no insurance in case something happens. I have no car. I ride Anna’s bike. I take buses together with school kids that don’t have a drivers license yet and an old guy with a catheter coming from his private parts that is ducktaped to his thigh who smells like lemongrass air refresher (I’m guessing to cover the smell of urine). I think it’s time to think about giving up and flying back.

JULY 25 Jaxon called me and offered me the job! Starting August 14. Hallellujah!!! Things might be happening! FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT. Happy but still broke. I went to a bottle shop go buy prossecco to celebrate it but then I realized I got no money. But I still wanted to celebrate. So I bought myself a body lotion instead, since I haven’t had one for a couple of weeks considering it a luxury. I might be broke but I’ll be smooooooooth.

JULY 26 The worst 8 hours shift at Skal cafe that left me thinking that hospitality (especially busy bistros) might not be my thing after all. Too many orders, zero training, too much stress and no lunch break. I was bugged. Since my first interview with Kelly, I had two trial shifts of 3 hours and this shift. I still don’t have a definite answer if I have the job. I am starting to think that building doors in a factory is the way of less resistance.  JULY 27 I might have a job on the horizon but it’s only 2 days weekly which will not give me enough to cover my basic needs. And I want the luxury to have the insurance if I ever go to the ocean on a board again. I keep looking.

JULY 28

I wrote my artist statement. It is taking shape. When does this end and I can finally eat like a normal person and sleep without having nightmares of how much money I already owe. JULY 29

Brankos B-day bonanza. Fun. Patrick told me that they hired someone for the factory job who had a forklift license. That’s out of the window too then.

...........

August is a bit of everything. I keep being broke, I need to move out by 16th (somewhere), I had to turn down offers from friends to rent out cool places because I have no idea if I can pay the rent. But I also started this job this week and some of it is just too good - I feel like a person again and I am doing what I love to do. I also have an occasional cleaning gig. It least Donna talks to me like I am a person and not just a cleaner. The highlight of this week was meeting that local who was sending me to go pack carrots at night at Cole’s and telling her how much I love working for one of the coolest family businesses in Noosa while she snorted that she has to go to a staff meeting at a bar.