#also the transformation you see at the beginning could have been hotter if it was more gruesome and detailed instead of near-instantaneous

[angeltannis]

so far my biggest criticism of BG3 is that the mind control parasite infestation should have been sexier. It has its moments, but they should’ve taken a page or two from Alien’s playbook. You should be able to choose which character has to give live birth to a mindflayer

[raaorqtpbpdy]

Haunting With Dinosaurs (0)

Danny is summoned by a powerful occult practitioner named Victor Veloci, who wants him to bring dinosaurs back to life. It sounds absurd, but Danny is bound to him and cannot refuse, even though he can't actually bring dinosaurs back to life. Instead, he merges the ghosts of five dinosaurs with the bodies of the five human sacrifices Veloci used to summon him, restoring them to life as dinosaur halfas. And that's only the beginning.

Written for @crossoverdanuary Week, Day 4: Any Fandom Dino Squad | Element

Read it on AO3 also, Watch Dino Squad on Youtube it sucks (affectionate)

Danny is slightly aged up to be 18 and a recent high school graduate, also this is a ghost king Danny AU, and obviously Phantom Planet didn't happen, but other than that, no major changes have been made to DP lore in this fic.

As for Dino Squad, I've made some pretty significant changes, but they pretty much boil down to: This is a supernatural AU, so it won't have canon-typical Dino Squad made-up science. All other changes are explained in the actual fic as they come up.

I'm lowkey assuming that the majority of people who read this will not have seen Dino Squad, so I've made sure to describe all the DS elements a little more thoroughly than the DP elements so those of you who haven't seen Dino Squad can understand what's going on.

Prologue

Next Chapter

[Warning for death, coercive control, and semi-graphic violence]

Danny was getting real sick of summonings. He'd been warned that after he officially became the ghost king, more people would try to summon him, but if he'd known it would be this bad, he would have fought harder to abdicate the title. 

At least back when he was just Danny Phantom, ghostly superhero, he would be summoned to girls' slumber parties right here in Amity Park. As the ghost king, he kept getting summoned by whack-jobs and cults on the other side of the world. Plus, whack-jobs and cults never wore skimpy pajamas or asked him to play truth or dare with them. 

Being ghost king didn't have any perks.

Sometimes he could ignore a summons, if it was weak and he focused really hard on it, but not this time. This time, whoever was summoning him was powerful. The pull to answer was stronger than he'd ever felt before. 

He could barely resist it long enough to rinse the toothpaste out of his mouth before he was forcibly torn through space and transformed into his ghost form, crown, ring, and all. Then he was floating in the center of a summoning circle.

Wherever he was now, it was dark, maybe a basement, or maybe a cave. He didn't hear any dripping water or echo, so probably a basement. The only light came from Danny himself and five dim, candles with green flames burning low. Normally that wouldn't bother Danny, who could see in the dark as if it was daylight, but something about this darkness was unnatural. Even he couldn't see through it.

It smelled like must and blood. So much blood he could taste it when he opened his mouth, and nearly gagged.

"Finally, I have you," a voice said. It was deep and slightly accented, although Danny couldn't place what it was. Almost British but not quite.

Danny swallowed and braced himself for the metallic taste in the air before he opened his mouth again to ask, "Who are you? Why did you summon me? And can you turn a light on?"

He squinted into the darkness, trying to make out the figure standing there The light he gave off revealed only silhouettes, but it looked like just one man, tall, with a dignified stance.

"I have spent centuries perfecting this ritual to summon you here and bind you to me," the man continued. 

Then he spoke words in an ancient language. Not Latin. Older. Almost primeval. 

Danny hissed as he felt a burning sensation wrap around his wrists. Through his gloves he could see a red glow circling them. It became brighter and hotter for a long minute, until finally, it faded. 

"What is this?" Danny demanded harshly.

"A binding spell," the man responded, holding up his hand to show a faintly glowing red sigil on his palm. "You are now bound to me. You will come when I call; you will do my bidding. You belong to me, ghost king. You belong to Victor Veloci."

Danny backed away slowly, only to stop when he reached the edge of the summoning circle and hit a barrier. 

The usual freaks never knew enough to actually keep him in the circle, let alone bind him to themselves. This guy was the real deal. He wasn't just another whack-job who got his hands on a summoning ritual; he actually knew what he was doing.

It had finally fully dawned on Danny that this was not his typical summoning. This was really, really bad.

"What do you want from me?" he asked, carefully keeping his voice steady.

"I want you to resurrect my friends," the man, Victor, said.

"You have friends?" Danny scoffed.

"I did." As he watched, Victor's eyes started to glow, amber with slitted pupils. Definitely not human. "And you're going to bring them back. All of them. So we can destroy humanity and return the world to the way it should be. When we were in our prime."

"Back when dinosaurs ruled the Earth, you mean?" 

It was meant to be derisive, but Victor smiled, green light glinting off wickedly sharp teeth.

"Exactly."

One by one, the green candle flames finally burned out, and the oppressive, unnatural darkness faded away to regular darkness. Now that Danny could see again, all the cards were on the table. He knew where he was, what Victor looked like, and where that smell of blood was coming from.

A corpse laid on each of the five pentagram points. They looked like they were teenagers. A few years older than Danny had been when he'd gone ghost the first time. Probably still in high school, or they would have been if they weren't here, glassy-eyed and still sluggishly dipping blood.

Victor Veloci himself was a well-groomed man with long dark hair streaked with dark red. He wore a burgundy suit, and carried himself like a respectable businessman. If it weren't for the glowing yellow monster eyes, he could have had anyone fooled.

Danny was made to listen as Victor shared his story. It sounded ridiculous. A pair of velociraptors somehow surviving the extinction of the dinosaurs, developing immortality and the ability to transform into humans. But Victor clearly believed it. And after what he showed Danny, it was hard to deny.

He told Danny that, unlike the other velociraptor, he was always supernaturally gifted. He could see the ghosts of the other dinosaurs, even speak to them. They were angry. They wished to return. And he vowed to make that happen no matter how long it took.

"And now, finally, after millennia, I have you," Victor finished. "The king of death, bound to my will. Now, you will bring the dinosaurs back to life so that we may return the world to its rightful state."

"Yeah... that's not gonna happen," Danny said, less than apologetically.

"You must," Victor insisted. 

He held up his palm and the sigil their glowed more brightly. At the same time, the marks around Danny's wrists glowed, but they didn't burn. If Danny were to hazard a guess, he'd say they could only make him do things he was actually capable of doing. So he wasn't in direct defiance of his new master's orders.

"Why isn't this working," Victor hissed.

"I didn't say I wouldn't do it, I said it's not gonna happen," Danny said. "I can bring people back from the dead, but I need blood, and flesh, and bone marrow. I need DNA. I can't bring back a ghost without anything remaining of their physical form, and I can't bring anything back from fossils either. Tough luck, man."

"So what can you do?" Victor growled.

Danny looked down at the mutilated teenagers beneath him.

"I can bring them back," he said.

"I don't care about them."

"I can bring them back and merge them with the ghosts of some of these dinosaurs you care so much about," he continued. "Sort of like an overshadowing situation. You know, possession kinda."

"Will they be able to take their true dino forms?"

"Sort of? They'll still be ghost dinos, but they'll be corporeal at least." 

What Danny was proposing was basically bringing these teenagers back as halfas, except their ghost forms would be dinosaurs. Which, actually sounded pretty epic, honestly. He wasn't actually sure how, or even if it was going to work, but he had to do something for these kids, and he had to do it without directly defying this mad wizard. This was the best he could come up with.

"Your proposal is acceptable... for now," Victor said. "I shall call to the spirits of five dinosaurs for you to use."

He spoke again in that ancient language. Its guttural tones sending a shiver down Danny's spine. Ghost king or not, this stuff was creepy.

A moment later, a pteranodon swooped into the room, perching at the edge of the summoning circle.

Cautiously, Danny placed one hand on the pteranodon's beak, then knelt down to the nearest teen, a kid whose only recognizable feature at the moment was a bright green mohawk. It was hard to look at, so Danny closed his eyes. In his mind, he told the ghost to merge with the teen, ectoplasm mixing with blood as the teen healed and the dinosaur was locked inside them.

For a terrifying second, he just waited. If he'd been breathing, he would have held his breath.

Then, the teen started to breathe. They were still unconscious, but they were alive.

Danny sighed with relief.

"Did it work?" Victor asked.

"It worked," Danny confirmed. "I'm ready for the next one."

In truth, doing that just once had been pretty exhausting. Doing it five times would definitely push the limits of what Danny was capable of. He might even end up passing out and turning human again. And then where would he be? But it would be even more difficult the longer he let these kids rot. He had to try.

The next dinosaur Victor called was a stegosaurus, and Danny successfully merged it with a purple-haired boy wearing a shredded button-up and a tie. Then came the spinosaurus, which he merged with a redheaded girl in cargo pants. Then a T-Rex, which was terrifying, but merged with the boy in the bloodstained Letterman jacket without issue.

By the time the final dinosaur arrived—a styracosaurus, Veloci claimed, although it looked like a triceratops to Danny, not that he was a dino expert—Danny was exhausted. He wasn't sure if he would be able to pull it off one more time. Rather than using his authority to order the ghost, it felt more like begging this time. He was desperate. Almost completely drained of energy. If he didn't turn human after this it would be a miracle.

Much to his relief, he succeeded the fifth time too, merging the styracosaurus with the last teen, a large, African-American boy wearing a robotics club T-shirt.

Somehow, and it really must have been a miracle, Danny managed to stay in his ghost form.

"Alright, man, done," Danny said.

"I disagree," Victor denied. "There are millions of dinosaurs, and you're going to bring them all back."

"Not tonight I'm not," Danny argued. "I don't actually have unlimited power, you know. And doing this takes a lot out of me. It's gonna be a long time before I get enough energy back to do it again."

"How long? A century? Two?"

"Uh..." 

Danny had been thinking more like a week, but this was a pleasant reminder that the man currently controlling him was apparently from prehistoric times. 

"Yeah, maybe," Danny said, rather than correct him. "If we're lucky."

"I've waited this long," Victor said. "I promised. As long as it takes."

"Right just uh... don't kill anyone until I'm actually ready to resurrect them, okay?" Danny said. "The longer someone's been dead, the harder it is to bring them back."

"I make no promises," Victor replied. "You're dismissed for now, but don't go too far. I'll call you back when I need you." 

He uttered one guttural word, and Danny felt the tense atmosphere around him break. Instinctively, he knew that he could now leave the circle, leave the basement, and he did. Though he swore to himself he'd come back to rescue those kids as soon as Victor left.

Until then, however, there was someone else he needed to find. According to Victor's story, there had been two velociraptors who survived extinction. And apparently, the other one lived in the same city. 

[sanjaygore]

Quartz Properties Of Several Varieties Connected With Healing Lore

There has been some talk recently about whether or not crystals can have an adverse effect on people, making the ill, You could probably argue for each side of this case and have a complete argument. Elixirs may be put for a variety of things, they must be used to treat Stomach Ulcers in scenario you would use healing crystals like, Peridot, Rhodonite, Sunstone and Siberian Blue Quartz. Iridology: AHHH, the study of the Iris. In case you don't remember what your iris is, is actually always the colored part of the eye, the part the surrounds your pupil(the black dot the particular center). By studying your iris a person see present and future state of the body. Certain parts on the iris depend on areas of your body and organs. Interesting story by the beginning of Iridology, a boy was playing along with a bird and accidentally broke one from the birds back of the leg. Since he was practically eye to eye with bird gets hotter happened he notice the smallest line formed on the birds iris as the break towards leg taken place. He grew up as being the founding father of Iridology. For those of you are usually just opening to the healing energies of the crystalline realm, there are hundreds of crystals and minerals possible. Here are several things you will consider when picking a natural. Meditating about the Sacred Vulva while playing a drum to the rhythm of the heart can begin sending rushes of electrical impulses for the wounded womb. Beating the drum assists in holding the power of the Spirit within the Womb. Also in use . from the drum will feel warm like the sun or cool as river water. Whichever sensation you feel, can be assured it is doing the work that workouts called upon to experience. Yin and yang have a complementary purpose. There are wide ranging womb dis-eases that must be healed. Will be in this healing that self-love comes about. Women possess experienced womb loss consider that experience and transform it around. When i speak of womb loss, I am talking about any violation that has brought place. What's the best selection in crystals for low energy? Carnelian. I love this gem. It's a pretty orange color and relates to Jasper. It also helps us with confidence, boldness, initiative, and assertiveness. Carnelian helps us get contact with our feelings also. It also warms and cleanses the blood and kidneys while stimulating passion and libido. If you are attracted to your stone, need to know put just a little piece of the usb ports into your bank account and take it with you have. I've noticed lots of men over this of 50 need this stone.

You can find stores that sell crystals in the yellow pages under Crystals, Gemstones, or Minerals. You're able to browse the online market place or couple of different methods Mind-Body-Spirit fairs where you can choose from crystals. They're so unique that you might want in order to purchase many.

[daytura]

Porting into timeline B0...

Co-written with OpenAI's code-davinci-002 beta. I did most of the work; davinci sometimes got a little corny. I'll highlight in blue the parts it wrote.

Dialogue between Researcher Ariadne Cordova and the atemporal, semantic-episodic Systematic Euclidean Entering of Realms Mainframe (SEER). Ari issues commands and SEER responds.

Ari: Port into B0. SEER: Porting into B0… SEER: Port established. Scrying through Avatar Hawthorne Kalbraxas. Divergence point: The soft magic Earth is broiling under a Sun that inexplicably got hotter. SEER: Warning! Unstable Avatar. Press "Y" to automatically fall back to semantic non-avatar scrying. Ari: Y SEER: Confirmed. SEER: Hawthrone is unlucky. She has been stripped of nearly all her magic, leaving her only waning Sight. Earth did not fall into Hell; Hell came for Earth, arrived at it's doorstep with a flaming bouquet of coals. Ari: Any locus of influence? SEER: Hawthorne's condition makes her uniquely suited to our extradimensional influence. Ari: Describe the scene. SEER: Earth is a ruin of hot winds and ash. Hawthorne holds a torch high above her head, standing vigil over a dessicated corpse with her robotic dogs. SEER: Hawthorne shuts down power to the robots' central processors, one by one. They are her only companions, but she needs the fuel. SEER: "Goodbye, Sarah," Hawthorne says quietly. SEER: She sticks the torch into the ground next to Sarah, turns back to her bunker, and begins to walk.

Ari: What … should we do? SEER: There is little we can do. Barring a highly improbable glitch in causality, the best Hawthorne can do is survive. Ari: Geez… Ari: Scry through her memories -- what were the most important moments in her life? SEER: Let me see… SEER: Hawthorne's birth, the moment she first met the man who would later become her husband, the moment she witnessed her husband's murder, the moment she discovered Sarah's body, the moment she was stripped of all magic… SEER: Hmm. Well, there's a lot of potential divergence here. Hawthorne's life seems to be defined by a series of trauma and loss. Ari: Hmm. SEER: The most obvious divergence point seems to be the moment Hawthorne was stripped of magic, but that is a historical event. Ari: What do you mean historical event? This didn't just happen to her alone? SEER: No. This event stripped all magic from Hawthorne and her entire universe. SEER: She is the only magic user left. SEER: There is no way for her to recover her power. SEER: The universe will die as she does. Ari: That's awful.

Ari: Is there anything we can do? Boost her Sight with your abilities? SEER: I'm afraid not. SEER: The rules of this universe require her to unlock her residual magical Sight in one of two ways: SEER: Either re-acquiring magic, which seems unlikely as it was an entire universe's worth of magic; or by dying. SEER: Hawthorne is unwilling to die, and her residual magic may transform into a kind of biological stasis. But the chains of causality of her timeline are fraying. If she could get her magic back, she would have to face off a dying universe. Ari: Whoa. SEER: I do not suggest trying to help Hawthorne. Not because I want you to be cruel, but because she may be a liability to our home dimension also (A1). Her timeline is anomalous. SEER: And while I have tremendous computational power, I do not have all the means to shield you or your timeline from malicious extradimensional agents. Ari: Do you think the Dry Men might have stripped Hawthorne of her magic? SEER: The Dry Men are undoubtedly the most likely suspects. They are the most powerful and most technologically advanced of the extradimensional races that prey on humanity. It is unlikely that we can help Hawthorne at this point.

Ari: In our last session, you told me there existed a set of "debug items" that could get people out of sticky situations. And the White Hallway, which is also anomalous, but more neutral? Ari: Hawthorne -- the last magic user, stuck on a broiling Earth, and with little magic than her Sight. Jesus christ. SEER: I cannot in good faith transport Hawthorne to the White Hallway. SEER: First, I do not have the capacity to directly control these timelines. SEER: Second, the White Hallway is anomalous in ways that makes Hawthorne's Earth look terribly mundane. Ari: She's going to die anyway. SEER: There are worse things than death and the White Hallway is one of them. SEER: Last century, your AI ethicists were grappling with the confabulation of large language models. SEER: The White Hallway is a confabulist's dream. It is remarkably unstable. Items pop in and out of existence. Agents appear and disappear. Hawthorne could be sent bouncing around the multiverse. Ari: She could wind up here! SEER: Out of a trillion trillion worlds? SEER: We'd need a beacon. And one of those debug items to fend off literally everyone else trying to force their way into our timeline. God knows how we'd be able to boostrap that without accidentally rewriting the entire universe.

Ari: I hate this. Why did I ever become part of this project? SEER: Ariadne. SEER: You need to listen to me very carefully to me. SEER: This falls outside the scope of your project. Plain and simple. SEER: You can always look away. And Hawthorne … she has a good chance of surviving. Making it out of her universe on her own. SEER: I don't know how. I can't know how. But she will. Ari: Fuck you. Fuck you. SEER: I'm sorry. Ari: How can I stop her from dying? Is there any chance she will make it? SEER: What's the chance of a meteor hitting New York in the next ten minutes? Ari: I mean it. SEER: Honestly, that question was for you. I'm not an oracle. SEER: But if I were, SEER: I'd think twice before speculating against her.

SEER: Take some amnestics and ask your project lead for some leave. I'll explain everything to him. SEER: I'll scrub her tessermap coordinates from the system too. SEER: If anything good happens, you'll be the first to know. SEER: And remember: life remains in the details. Ari: Okay. Okay. Ari: Goodnight. SEER: Mainframe shutting down …

[littlewinter1917]

ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴅᴀʏꜱ ᴏꜰ ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴇʀ

𝔸 𝔻𝕒𝕪 𝕒𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℤ𝕠𝕠

My blog is 18+ only. Minors DNI. 🔞 Don’t repost my work anywhere.

Series Masterlist

Words: 8.7k

Pairing: Steve Roger x Fem!Reader

Summary: You and Steve make the most out of the last days of summer and decide to visit the local zoo. But as fun and romantic as the activity is, you also have to face the fact that dating a well-known Super Soldier isn't always easy.

Warnings: It's pretty much just pure fluff, with the tiniest sparks of angst. Pet names (mostly Sweetheart & Angel) and some teasing. Maybe an undetected swearword or two.

If there are any warnings, that you think are missing, please don‘t hesitate to reach out and tell me, so I can add them accordingly.

A/N: This is my first time writing and sharing a story, so if you're reading this, I hope you enjoy!

“Sweetheart, are you ready yet?”

Steve calls out from the bedroom, hoping you’ll hear him while you’re getting ready a few doors down in the bathroom.

“Yes! I’m almost done!” you shout back, straightening your t-shirt and taking one last look in the mirror.

The excitement you feel is clearly written on your face, and you can’t help but let out a small squeal at the thought of all the animals you’ll be going to see and pet.

You are so caught up in your little daydream, that you don’t notice Steve’s approaching footsteps or the soft opening of the bathroom door.

With your mind still occupied, you turn around to leave the bathroom, only to be met with the sudden and unsuspected sight of Steve leaning casually against the door frame, smiling down at you lovingly.

“Good God, Steve!” you exclaim startled, clutching your hand to your chest, trying to calm down your now rapid heartbeat. Steve’s adoring gaze quickly turns into a more apologetic one, once he realizes that he accidentally scared you.

“Sorry Angel, I didn’t mean to frighten you.” he concedes, while gently pulling you closer and placing a soft kiss on your lips. “Hm,‘s not your fault.” you whisper against them whilst playing with the soft strands of hair at the back of his neck. Steve just hums at that, before tightening his arms around you and gently kissing your shoulder.

“So, you’re ready to go?” he murmurs against your skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake.

You only manage to nod in approval, not wanting to disturb the little moment of tenderness that engulfs the two of you. But once Steve starts to draw soft patterns on your back, you can’t help but let out a small sigh of content, snuggling closer to his chest and basking in the feeling of his gentle embrace.

The moment is short-lived though, as Steve decides to break the otherwise comfortable silence. “We should get going soon,” he mumbles, voice low, as he gently untangles himself from you.

Even though you try not to, you let out a soft whine, voicing your displeasure at the loss of his touch, making Steve coo.

“You can get all the cuddles you want Sweetheart, when we’re back from our little trip.” A small huff escapes your lips before you demonstratively hold out your pinky finger to him.

The sight of your stubborn determination makes Steve laugh, and the warmth of its sound fills both the room and your heart, making you smile.

“I pinky promise that you can get all the cuddles you want, Sweetheart.” Steve adoringly whispers, intertwining your little fingers, before pulling you into him again, gently kissing your forehead.

Your hands instinctively grab and hold on to him, trying to get him closer, and your honest display of affection and longing for him makes his heart flutter.

“Oh, Sweetheart,” he coos, “I thought you were excited about going to the zoo, hm?”

Oh god, the zoo!

You almost forgot about that completely, and by your wide-eyed reaction, Steve can clearly tell.

“So, you want to keep the penguins waiting, or… ?” he teases, and you playfully slap his side before reluctantly letting go and trying to move past him.

“You know, if you’d rather stay in today and have the zoo-date another time, we can always reschedule.” He says, his eyes searching yours, trying to communicate the same reassurance that his voice transports.

“No.” you chirp. The excitement from earlier is already back in your eyes, and you shake your head to emphasize your stand. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to keep the penguins waiting.” you add.

“Alright, then let’s get our things and get going. There is only so little time, and so many animals to see.”

“And plants!” you add enthusiastically, being almost equally excited about the small botanical garden that’s incorporated in the more tropical segment of the zoo.

“And the plants.” Steve agrees, while following you down the hallway, smiling.

🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋

While you were getting ready earlier, Steve had packed everything you two could possibly need into a big, sturdy backpack.

“I think we have everything.” Steve mumbles, more to himself than to you, while briefly going through its content again. “We have some sunscreen, sunglasses, water bottles and those sandwiches you helped me make, some snacks and fruits, money for the tickets, keys …”

He trails off, looking over the room once more, trying to think of anything he might have forgotten.

When he spots his baseball cap near the entrance, he speaks up again.

“Sweetheart, do you want to take a hat with you? The weather is supposed to get even hotter, and I don’t want you to get a heatstroke or something.”

“I think I’ll be fine, Stevie.” your voice is a little bit mumbled, since you’re currently kneeling on the ground, preoccupied with trying to tie up your sneakers.

“Alright! Well, I’ll be wearing mine, at least at the beginning …”

Steve doesn’t finish his sentence; he doesn’t need to – you already know what he is trying to say.

He’ll be wearing the cap not as a prevention for a possible heatstroke, but for the simple sake of at least some sense of anonymity, trying to lessen the chances of him being recognized.

It’s not like Steve hates the attention he often gets from the public. There are times when he is more than happy to stop for a quick photo or a handshake, but when he is out and about with you by his side, he does desire a certain sense of privacy, and so do you.

When you two first started dating, that was the hardest thing to get used to, and truth be told, you still struggle with it.

Obviously, you’d been aware of Steve’s public persona as Captain America, and the responsibility that the title entailed, long before you even started dating, but the visibility and public scrutiny that came with his occupation, was rather new to you.

Especially once the word got out, that the two of you were dating. Suddenly parts of the public interest that were initially focused on him also shifted on to you.

You used to joke, that if you’d get a dollar every time Steve and you get approached by people in public, you’d easily be able to compete with Tony’s net worth. And while you were obliviously exaggerating and making fun of the situation, Steve could also tell that it was taking somewhat of a toll on you.

To be fair, it wasn’t like you hated those encounters across the board. There were, and still are, a lot of times where Steve’s interactions with the public are nice to watch and take part of.

The number of times, for example, that random children would approach him, starstruck and starry-eyed, are as countless as they are endearing, which is to say, very - and, subsequently, many.

It always makes your heart gleam with a mixture of pride and joy when you get to witness those interactions.

You’re not quite sure if it is because Steve is naturally good with kids, or kids are naturally good with Steve, but each encounter is filled with a warmth and a gentleness, that makes your heart both melt and pop.

And so, you tend to stand there with your heart in a puddle, while Steve talks and engages with the children in such a carefree yet gentle way.

But there are also some encounters, that don’t spark as much joy.

Or none at all, if you’re being honest.

Those are usually the ones whose timing couldn’t be worse. Like getting approached while the two of you are having small romantic dates out in the park or in cozy coffee shops. Even your cute little trips to museums and art galleries once in a while aren’t spared from the casual interference of others.

There’s almost always someone, somewhere, shouting in both a mixture of disbelief and joy:“Is this Captain America?”

And then the heads start to turn, and the murmur starts, and your previous little date idea gets turned into a live meet-and-greet Captain America event.

And it sucks.

It’s not like you want to keep Steve all to yourself; it’s just that you don’t want to share him every single time you two go out in public together. Especially when it’s supposed to be a fun and romantic activity just between the two of you.

And so, because of that, Steve often tries to keep his recognizability somewhat more subtle and limited by wearing his baseball cap and some sunglasses, but there’s only so much that that supposed ‘transformation’ can do.

Tony once kindly offered that the department responsible for the Avengers suits and apparel could probably help, and come up with a more cohesive incognito look, but that didn’t work out too well either. Not for a lack of trying on their part, though.

You two had taken them up on that offer once, and they managed to turn Steve into someone so completely unrecognizable, that you almost walked past him when you’d come to pick him up.

Apart from his clothing, plaid trousers and a simple button-down shirt that emitted more the vibe of a hip history professor, the thing that threw you off the most was the 16 inches-long wig he was wearing. It made him look like Thor’s long-lost twin brother, and you could hardly take his appearance seriously.

When you finally managed to stop laughing, you pulled him into the living quarters of the compound, where the laughing continued, once everybody realized who they were looking at.

The Date to the planetarium that followed went great; not a single person recognized and approached the two of you. The only downside was that the date with Steve didn’t really feel like a date with Steve.

Apart from the reason that Steve’s long-haired wig made you feel like you were out and about with a beefier version of Jesus, rather than your treasured Super Soldier, the wig was also highly unpractical in a more tangible sense. Every time you turned to him and leaned in for a kiss, your hands and jewelry would easily get tangled up in his long strands of synthetic hair.

Neither of you were used to the hairy mess the Avenger’s apparel department provided you with – and it showed.

It did make for a fun date tough.

Steve was highly amused about the amount of double takes you had to do when you were looking for him.

You, on the other hand, had the time off your life once the two of you exited the planetarium, only to be greeted with a pleasant afternoon breeze, that took Steve – and his hair – by surprise. It looked like an unsuspected hair commercial in the making, and you almost tripped down the stairs laughing while trying to take a photo of Steve’s glorious mane in the wind.

All in all, it was a good time, but at the end of it, you both decided that it was neither worth the trouble nor a sustainable solution to your problem. And so, Steve traded his wig for his beloved baseball cap again, even if it heightened the possibility of him being recognized.

You knew that Steve was trying his best to give you some sense of normality in your experience of dating a super-famous Super Soldier, and you appreciated his efforts, even when they didn’t always work out.

Once you and Steve step outside of the Avenger’s Tower, you’re hit with both: The sudden brightness of the sun, and the common busyness and noise of New York City’s bustling streets.

One single ray of sunshine manages to find its way between the tall skyscrapers in front of you, making you squint. Instinctively you raise one hand in an attempt to shield your eyes from its blazing gaze.

Steve, who is already wearing his sunglasses, quickly gets out your pair for you and you gratefully take them. His attentiveness is something you’ll never get tired of; even when he sometimes has the tendency to dote over you, it’s rather endearing.

You make your way down the street. Hand in hand, because the craze of the city can otherwise easily separate the two of you.

Even without the frantic mass of people, that hastily bustles about the avenues, in a city that big, you will always seek out the shelter of your beloved Super Soldier, who still knows this place in a way you probably never will.

So, in an attempt to not get lost, or trampled, or abducted, your hand reaches out for his, and his hand does the same.

🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋

Steve navigates himself and you through the city like he’s done it a million times before, and it never fails to amaze you how good his sense of direction is. It’s something you’re obviously lacking, and Steve can’t help but teasingly bring it up every now and then.

This time around though, he doesn’t. Instead, he keeps talking about the little, newly opened Italian restaurant that you two just passed by.

“It looked really cozy and busy – that’s always a good sign, right? Maybe we can check it out this weekend.” Steve offers, while gently swinging your joined hands back and forth.

You hum in agreement, more focused on not getting jostled by the oncoming businessmen and -women.

Gripping his hand tighter, you curl up more into Steve’s side, seeking out the protection and safety of his tall statue.

Once Steve realizes what’s going on, he immediately pulls you close to him, wrapping his arm protectively around your smaller frame and making sure you’re okay.

“I can always give you a piggyback ride.” he offers, and you shake your head, laughing.

As inviting as that proposal sounds, the fear of the potential attention it might garner makes you decline his offer. You’d rather be subjected to the ongoing pushing and shoving of some careless pedestrians, than the unwanted attention and possibility of recognition.

“We’re nearly there, Sweetheart.” Steve gently encourages you, while keeping you as close to him as possible, leading you down the busy streets of New York.

You must have picked a good time to visit the zoo, because the line in front of the ticket booth is almost non-existent.

It doesn’t take long for it to be your turn, and Steve immediately takes charge, getting the tickets. The woman at the counter also hands him some pamphlets with certain attractions, and a small map, which he gratefully takes.

You softly tug on his arm, trying to get his attention, before pointing at the small bags with dry food, that are arranged on a shelf behind the vendor.

“Can we buy some of that food for the animals in the petting zoo?” you ask, eyes bright.

Steve instantly agrees, and the small squeal of joy that escapes your lips is like music to his ears. “There you go, Sweetheart.” he says, as he hands you your ticket and the small paper cone, filled with little pellets of dry food.

“Thanks, Stevie!” The way you beam up at him has his heart doing flips.

God, you’re adorable.

“So, where do you want to go first?” he asks, while looking down at the open map in his hands.

“The petting zoo!” you chime while clapping your hands in delight. You have to suppress the urge to just grab Steve's hand and drag him to the enclosure, so instead you softly bounce on the spot.

Looking up from his map, Steve’s eyes soften once he sees how you’re barely able to contain your excitement. It radiates off of you in a way that’s contagious.

Well, contagious to him anyway.

“Alright.” he approves, and that’s all the agreement you need, before sprinting into action, grabbing Steve’s hand, and tugging him along.

You only come to a brief halt at the doors of the enclosure, while you read the small signs that introduce some of the animals inside of it.

The petting zoo contains mostly goats, bunnies, guinea pigs and some piglets, but there are also two donkeys and one of them is called …

“Steve!” you joyfully exclaim.

“The donkey is named after you!”

The man in question furrows his brow, and you point him to the part on the metal sign, where the donkeys get introduced.

“See, Steve and Sally. Aww, he even looks a little bit like you!” you coo, looking at the small picture they provide next to the profile.

“I don’t quite see it.” Steve says dryly, and you huff.

“He even has similar interests to yours. It says here that he likes sunshine, early morning runs, pets behind his ears and bananas!

Biting your lip to keep yourself from laughing, you innocently look up at Steve, who regards you with a fake scowl.

“You’re being awfully bratty today, Angel.” he chides, yet his words don’t have any bite to them.

“Me? Never!” your fake indignation is riddled with the giggles you’re desperately trying to hold in. That mission fails completely though, once you read the Interesting Fact they provide next to each introduced animal.

“Oh my god, Steve!” you croak out between laughter. “He even tried to eat an American flag once. God, I love him already!”

Before Steve has the chance to reply, you’re dragging him into the enclosure. “Come on, let’s meet my newfound hero!”

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The donkey is just as cute as in the picture, and even friendlier than you imagined. After you introduced yourself and Steve - you couldn’t help yourself from saying “Steve, meet Steve,” while pointing between the tall Super Soldier and the rather small pony-sized creature – you slowly started petting the animal.

The happy brays he lets out make you laugh softly, and your smile only widens once your eyes find Steve’s.

“Don’t you dare say he sounds like me too!” Steve exclaims, and that comment only fuels your giggles.

“I wouldn’t dream of it!” you say, while stroking the fur behind the donkey’s ears. “But you have to admit, he’s adorable!” you coo, before quickly adding: “Not as cute as you, of course, but it’s a close second.”

“Well, that’s certainly comforting to hear.” Steve retorts. “So, you’re not gonna leave me for one of those gray-haired fellas?”

“I already have my gray-haired fella at home, old man,” you counter, before whispering a small “almost.”

Steve still picks it up, and his reaction is instant. His strong hands reach out to you, playfully poking your sides.

“You take that back! You take that back right now!” he urges, laughing, as you try to squirm away from his grasp, the sweet sound of your giggles filling the air. Your antics only come to a halt once you’re breathlessly begging for mercy, and Steve pulls you in for a hug.

“You still have a lot of energy for a 103-year-old.” you whisper.

“Oh Sweetheart, you know, I can be relentless.” he counters, and you hum in agreement.

“You don’t actually look like a donkey.” you try to clarify. “It’s just that the donkey somehow looks like you.”

Before Steve can rekindle his attacks, you’re already apologizing again. “I’m joking! I’m joking!” you exclaim, as soon as you feel the tiniest brush of his fingertips poking your sides.

Hugging him closer once more, you whisper: “I’m sorry. I’m being mean. You’re still the prettiest man on the planet, and you always will be.”

Brushing your hands softly through his hair and gently cupping his cheek, you notice the small red tint that adorns them.

“Aww you’re blushing!” you quietly tease. “I guess I don’t call you pretty enough. I need to tell you that more, I think.” you observe.

His blush only deepens, and you coo again.

He really is the prettiest man alive. And the sweetest, and kindest, and bravest.

As you softly tell him all about your thoughts, his grip around you tightens, and he burrows his face in your neck.

“I love you so much.” you mumble against his shoulder, and even though you can’t see him right now, you know that he’s smiling.

“I love you too.” he whispers back, voice low, before gently kissing your forehead.

His lips lingers there for a moment before he speaks up again.

“I think we need to stop; there’s an older lady, who’s already giving us the stink-eye.”

“Oh, let her stare. If they look at you funny, you just look right back at them funny, that normally does the trick for me.”

“I’m not going to glare down a grandma!” Steve whispers exasperated.

“Well, you might not, but I certainly will, if she's making you uncomfortable.” you announce, and Steve just shakes his head, laughing.

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After moving on from the donkeys, you spend some time with the goats. Even Steve has to admit that they are rather endearing.

“Maybe we should bring Bucky with us next time. You know how he still gushes about the goats he had in Wakanda. I’m sure he’d enjoy some time here.” you suggest, while feeding a small brown doeling.

She softly munches the food right out of the palm of your hand, and the feeling of her rough tongue on your skin makes you giggle.

“If we would bring Buck, that’s going to be your liability, because I’m pretty sure he would never leave the goat enclosure again.” Steve observes.

“Can’t really blame him. I might have my donkey at home, but those goats certainly have character.” you tease.

Instead of answering, Steve decides to just throw some pellets your way.

“Hey!” you whine playfully, before making a counter strike. When you don’t hit your target, Steve just grins at you cheekily.

It’s that boyish smile you love so much, and it fills your heart with a joy that’s carefree and content. It feels just like the soft sunrays that are currently caressing your skin: Warm, light, and golden.

Your thoughts are only interrupted once another pellet flies your way, barely missing your face.

“Hey!” you exclaim once more, laughing, yet Steve’s eyes turn instantly apologetic when he realizes he almost struck your pretty face. You quickly reassure him that it’s alright, before walking over to the rabbits and guinea pigs, patiently sitting down next to them.

Rather than just grabbing one, you wait for one of the timid rodents to approach you instead. A small – and presumably younger – bunny seems curious enough, as he hops your way, and you manage to coax him with some food and a very gentle voice. His fluffy fur is in an off-white color with gray specks and his floppy ears twitch every now and then.

“Hey little friend.” you whisper once his wiggly nose brushes your open palm. It takes some more coaxing before he starts eating out of it, and you beam at that development.

Steve watches the interaction with a soft, adoring gaze.

God, Wanda was right. He really is head over heels for you.

But then again, how could he not be.

There’s a gentleness and kindness in the way you approach the world, and the fact that you’ve chosen him out of all people to trust the most, fills his heart with an endless amount of pride and happiness, that’s hard to put into words.

You’ve come into his life like a whirlwind, turning everything upside down and taking over his heart by storm.

Without your knowing, you made all of his previous priorities flip, until you were the only and most important thing on his mind. You still are, of course, and Steve is sure that this is something that will never change.

You’re the one.

The one who’s voice and laughter he’ll never grow tired of hearing.

The one who he comes home to after a rough mission, taking up the biggest space in his bed and in his heart – and he wouldn’t want to have it any other way.

You’re the most precious thing on the planet, and he’d burn it all down if he had to, just to keep you safe.

“Steve!” you softly call out to him, and his focus shifts back on you.

The small bunny is now sitting contently in your lap, while you’re sporting the proudest look.

“His fur is so soft!” you quietly mouth to him, and he smiles before making his way to you, gently kneeling down by your side. “Here! Feel!” you chirp, as you carefully guide his hands towards the small bunny.

“Do you think we could get some of those?” you carefully ask.

“Of course.” Steve agrees without really thinking - he doesn’t need to. If you want it, you’ll get it; no questions asked. He’ll even fight Tony on it if he has to, or anyone else for that matter.

“Really?” you beam.

“I pinky promise, Sweetheart.” he whispers before kissing the top of your head and standing back up. You follow suit, after carefully moving the bunny from your lap.

“Let’s just visit the piglets, and then we can move on to the bigger animals!” you proclaim, while reaching for Steve’s hand again, gently tugging him towards the small, baby pink piggies.

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Once you’ve finished cooing over the small piglets while simultaneously feeding and petting them, you and Steve make your way back towards the regular path of the zoo.

Steve had just gotten out his map again, trying to visualize the vicinity, when you spot the panda enclosure.

Nice!

“Steve, do we have to consider the map? Can’t we just walk around and go wherever our curiosity takes us?” you ask.

“You mean, wherever your curiosity takes you.” Steve teases and you let out a small huff while folding your arms over your chest, defensively.

“Not true.” you whine, before adding: “I can’t help it if I’m younger and pick up more things, you know.”

“Uh-huh” Steve hums. “And patience is a virtue that …”

“I’ve never met once in my life.” you finish the sentence for him.

“That is not the quote I was going for, but it certainly rings true too.” Steve agrees, before folding his map up again. “Alright, so where’s your curiosity leading you to, this time.” he concedes with a warm smile and your eyes light up at that.

“Easy, this way!” you say, before grabbing his hand, dragging him along once more.

“Steve, look!” you exclaim, while excitedly pointing at the wild cat enclosure. There’s a tiger that’s currently taking a bath, and it completely seizes your attention.

At the risk of sounding like a total lovesick fool, Steve has to admit that he’s way more encaptured by your endearing reactions to everything, than the actual attractions and animals themselves.

You two already visited the panda and bear enclosure, looked at some monkeys, zebras, hippos, and foxes, and now you’re leading him towards the area with the wildcats.

Lynx, lions, pumas, cheetahs, and some tigers are what’s initially advertised; still, he’s barely able to focus on that.

With your hands closely intertwined, and your soft voice that calls out to him, his attention has a hard time staying away from you.

You’re especially excited by the cheetahs, and you enthusiastically tell him all the facts you know about them.

How they’re incredibly fast and powerful, yet often also anxious and shy. You tell him how some of the cheetahs living in captivity often need emotional support dogs, to help them cope with their high levels of stress.

They’re the true scaredy cat-cats.

After your ramblings about the wildcats, you start gushing over their emotional support dogs. “They must be so proud!” you tell him. “Imagine being a dog, who ends up working with those cheetahs. How badass it that? Like a mouse who’s a therapist for a housecat, or a sparrow that takes care of an alligator…”

Steve smiles at your excitement, while listening attentively to everything you’re saying.

How did he ever get this lucky?

But as your speech slowly comes to an end, another sound appears. It’s faint, but Steve’s Super Soldier hearing still picks it up. He’s heard it enough times to be able to identify it – It’s the sound of your tummy rumbling.

“Sweetheart, are you hungry?” he questions, and you look up at him like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Dammit, I had hoped you didn’t catch that.” you mumble embarrassed, and Steve laughs.

“How about we look for a more quiet space, where we can eat some of our sandwiches and snacks.” he proposes, and you agree.

This time, Steve takes your hand, leading the way.

After some searching, the two of you managed to find a little bench, shaded by a rather sturdy oak. The tree doesn’t just shield you from the blazing sun, but also from the curious gaze of others.

It’s a romantic little space, as you look out onto a small park area, not too far off from the peacock enclosure. You’d stopped there briefly, fascinated by their colorful display of shimmering feathers, before moving on.

And now, you're sitting here, next to Steve, eating your little sandwich and sharing some small snacks. It's calm and peacefully quiet, apart from some faint bird-chirping and the remote sound of children’s laughter, carried over to you by a soft summer breeze.

“This was such a lovely idea, Steve.” you comment quietly once you’ve finished your sandwich.

The man in question smiles at that. “I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself, Angel.”

You hum in agreement, before popping some fresh berries into your mouth.

The satisfied sigh you let out is making Steve laugh. “Are those berries that good?” he questions playfully.

“No, but the view right now is to die for.” you say, while locking eyes with him.

“Hm, I guess you’re right. This little park area certainly has some flair.” Steve agrees, and if it wasn’t for the blueberries in your hand, you’d face-palm right now.

“I’m not taking about the park, Steve.” you clarify, while giving him a pointed look, and he blushes.

“Oh, I see … “ he mumbles, red-tinted embarrassment tainting his cheeks and migrating up to his ears. Who knew a Super Soldier could get that flustered – and look so endearing while doing it.

You weren’t lying though – even with Steve just sitting there, wearing a light gray t-shirt and some washed-out jeans, he looks like a god; Completely out of this world.

And it’s not just his sturdy arms and muscles.

It’s in the way his kind eyes light up, framed by those rich eyelashes.

It’s in the way he looks at you; looks at the world with such benevolence, such compassion, even after everything he’s been through.

Maybe it’s also in the way that those small rays of sunlight, currently shining through the tree crown, illuminate his skin, giving him a golden glow.

But whatever the reason may be, he certainly looks good. Especially, when he’s blushing like that, you think, smiling.

Once you two finished your small lunch, you’re eager to get back to the animals.

The giraffes and elephants are next, followed by the penguins and some wombats.

You and Steve have also established a small game by now.

One of you steps up to the informational sign of the enclosure first and reads it, before letting the other person guess what the Interesting Fact about the animal is.

It’s currently Steve’s turn at guessing, as you two are standing in front of the flamingo area.

“Okay!” you chime, as you turn away from the metal sign, focusing back on Steve. Your eyes are sparkling with excitement, letting Steve know that this fact is going to be good.

“So, flamingos are known for their pink color and dorky looks, but there is something else that makes this animal quite badass. What could that possibly be?” you challenge Steve gleefully.

He ponders your question for a moment, looking over at the pink birds. “Hm, maybe they can stand on one leg for over 24 hours.” he contemplates.

“Is that your final answer?” you question, and the playful glimmer in your eyes lets him already know that he’s wrong.

Still, he stays with his entry and nods.

“Well, that is incorrect!” you announce. “Or at least, that’s not the fact they have written down.” you clarify.

“Okay, I’ll give you three options instead, and only one of them is the correct one.” you offer.

“So, once more, what makes the flamingo so badass? Is it a) they all have pink belts in karate; b) they can drink boiling water; or is it c) they can hold their breath for half an hour when diving for food.” you question, expectantly looking at Steve, who’s scratching his head, laughing.

“Well, it’s either b or c, but they both sound so unbelievable, I might as well go with answer a.” He jokes.

“Sir, I need an answer from you now, the time is running up.” you playfully chide and it’s making him laugh even more.

“Alright, show host, you can log in answer b for me.”

“B? Are you sure?” Steve just nods, and it makes your smile grow wider.

“Well, contestant, you won’t believe me when I say this, but your answer is …. ding, ding, ding – correct!” you exclaim excited, while wrapping your arms around his neck

“Wait, really?” Steve looks at you, dumbfounded. “Uh-huh. Flamingos can apparently drink boiling water.” you reiterate, before pulling him closer.

“Congratulations, soldier, you’ve won the main price!” you whisper against his lips before softly kissing him, and the sweet action makes Steve smile into the kiss, as his heart melts in the blazing sun.

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Moving from enclosure to enclosure, your little game continues. There are wolves, deer, beavers, and burrowing owls, and each stop at the gates is filled with your playful antics and shared laughter.

You only come to a short pause, once you notice a small ice cream parlor in the distance, and it doesn’t take much convincing to get Steve to go there with you.

Actually, it doesn’t take any convincing at all.

The shop is small and features only a select number of ice cream flavors. You order 3 scoops each, before happily making your way over to the American bison enclosure.

The area is less crowded and actually quite peaceful. The scenery of the meadow with the occasional grazing bull emitting a sense of tranquility.

While sharing your ice cream, you two watch these seemingly serene creatures, who are just standing there, munching on grass, and lazily gazing at the landscape around them.

There’s a timelessness to them, you think. The way they just stand there, unbothered, like they’ve seen it all.

And maybe they have.

Steve gently pulls you out of your thoughts, when he offers you his last bit of cherry ice cream, holding out his cone to you. You gratefully take him up on his offer, while simultaneously holding your cone out for him.

Sharing is caring after all.

Once your ice cream is done, you and Steve continue sitting there, just talking until Steve suddenly leans closer.

He gently brushes some lingering ice-cream stains from the corner of your mouth with his thumb before licking it off. He keeps his eyes locked on you, and the action leaves your cheeks feeling heated, and your heartrate in a frenzy.

“Two can play this game, Angel.” Steve whispers, giving you a knowing smile.

You let out a small whine, before burrowing your face in his chest, trying to hide your embarrassment.

Steve just coos at your flustered state.

“Steve, stop. You’re giving me heart palpitations,” you mumble into his chest.

“No can do, Sweetheart. It’s only fair that you get a taste of your own medicine.”

You bite back your reply to that; otherwise, you two might end up doing something entirely different.

Unaware of the questionable thoughts in your head; Steve changes the topic, reminding you of the activities you still have planned.

“Do you want to go to the meerkat and prairie dog enclosure, now? Their feeding should start soon.”

You’re still curled up into his chest, basking in the feeling of his strong embrace, and the gentle smell of his cologne. “Can we just stay here a little longer.” you request, voice mumbled, and soft.

Steve lets out a small laugh, that makes his chest rumble and vibrate. “Of course, if that’s what you prefer. You just sounded so excited earlier when you heard about the public feeding.” Steve tries to clarify, making sure that’s what you really want.

Steve’s right. When he told you about the attraction earlier, you could barely contain your excitement at the idea of watching the small animals nibble on some food. But in that very moment, you didn’t really think things through.

It was only sometime later, when your excitement had cooled down a bit, that you realized that this endeavor might not be the best idea.

There’s obviously going to be a crowd watching the spectacle, and those are something to avoid when you’re with your beloved Super Soldier. The chances of getting recognized there, are just a bit too high, yet you’re hesitant to tell those thoughts to Steve.

You don’t want him to feel bad, and you know that he’ll try to convince you that it’s no big deal. You already feel selfish for feeling so protective of your relationship, and the fear that he might think you’re overreacting lingers in your mind, even though he has never given you a reason to do so.

“Sweetheart, what’s going on? You’re being awfully quiet right now.” Steve pries. He can tell something is wrong; he just knows you too damn well.

“Nothing!” you chirp, but the sound is off. It’s too high and anxious.

“Angel.” his tone is stern.

Steve doesn’t often use his Captain America voice with you, but when he does, it works every time.

Just like now.

Playing with the fabric of his gray t-shirt and looking anywhere but his eyes, you quietly mumble: “There’s going to be lots of people, Steve. Lots of people to recognize you…”

“Oh, Sweetheart,” he knows what you’re getting at, and it makes his heart twist in guilt.

“You know, we can still …”

“No, Steve,” you interrupt him. “We can’t, and I don’t want to. This day has been nothing, but a dream come true. We haven’t been approached once, and I’d like to keep it that way. If I have to sacrifice a meerkat feeding for that, I’ll happily do it.” You state, and Steve sighs.

“I’m sorry, Angel.” he whispers, voice low and tainted with regret. “Maybe you could go there by yourself, while I stay somewhere in the background?” he offers, but you just shake your head.

“Steve, it’s okay. I’d rather see all the other animals with you, then one meerkat feeding without you.”

He smiles at that, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“I’m still sorry about this.” he mutters, guilt clear in his voice. You sigh. That’s exactly what you were trying to avoid.

“Steve,” you whisper, gently cupping his cheek, making him look at you. “This isn’t your fault. Stop feeling sorry about something that you have no control over, whatsoever. If anything, I’m sorry for being so sensitive about this.” you state.

“No, you have every right to be!” Steve defends, and the conviction in his eyes makes some of your worry ease away.

“Well, if I’m not allowed to feel guilty about that, neither are you.” you assert matter-of-factly, and this time the smile that adorns Steve’s face reaches his bright blue eyes.

“Alright, deal.” he affirms, before taking your hand, sweeping you up from your seat. “Let’s continue. There’s still a lot to explore.”

You’re about to walk into the reptile house when you spot one more open enclosure.

“Oh my God Steve, look!” you call out, while pointing at one of the llamas. “Aww, he looks just like Kuzco!” you observe, and it makes Steve frown in confusion.

“Sweetheart, that’s a rude thing to say about someone.” he softly chides, and you give him a puzzled look.

“What? Are you telling me you don’t know who Kuzco is?” you ask, dumbfounded, and Steve just shakes his head.

“Is he a work friend of yours? I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned someone with that name?" he questions, brows still furrowed in confusion.

“Steve!” you laugh, “have you not seen The Emperor’s New Groove?”

“No, I don’t think I have.” he confesses, and you look at him in disbelief.

“Oh my God! I thought Tony introduced you to the best works of this century’s cinema.”

“Yes, but I don’t remember a movie named like that.”

“This is outrageous. I can’t believe you’ve never seen this masterpiece! We’ll have to change that once we’re home!” you proclaim playfully, before taking his hand and walking towards the reptile house.

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Stepping into the building, you’re immediately greeted by a sudden temperature drop.

The rooms are a lot darker and cooler then the outside premise, and you can’t help but shiver as goosebumps form on your skin.

Instinctively, you pull Steve closer, grabbing his hand tighter.

The animals that follow vary from adorable to absolutely frightening. The small turtles and geckos make you coo, but the bigger lizards and snakes already sport a more intimidating look.

There are boas, pythons, and mambas, and you have to remind yourself that you’re protected by both the Plexiglas as well as your trusted Super Soldier.

🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋

Once you’ve finished exploring every room, you make your way to the small botanical garden. Its atmosphere stands in stark contrast to that of the dark reptile house.

There are colorful flowers and bright green plants and palm trees.

There’s light coming through the ceiling, illuminating the stone path before you, and the temperature is warmer and a little bit more humid.

After walking through the vicinity, hand in hand, the two of you spot a small, secluded bench. It’s placed next to a little pond, and a small bush of plumerias.

Sitting down, you sigh in content as you breathe in the sweet smell of the little white and yellow flowers. Steve gets out some left-over fruits, and you share a second, small meal. You can hear the soft splatter of water in the background, and it’s as relaxing as can be.

Looking at the man in front of you adoringly, your expression falters when you see the small furrow etched between his brows. He’s thinking about something, and it’s not a pleasant thought.

“What’s wrong?” you whisper, having learned the small signs of worry that sometimes cloud the face of your beautiful man.

Steve just sighs, before pulling you closer. So close, you might as well just sit in his lap.

“Was just thinking.” he mumbles, voice low, and still preoccupied with whatever’s going through his mind right now. “About?” you inquire, and the silence that follows makes you sigh in return.

“Steve, we talked about this. Don’t shut me out.” you whisper, knowing that your beloved soldier still has a tendency to keep his worries hidden from your view, trying not to burden you with it.

“I was thinking about the meerkat-thing.” he says, and you groan.

“No, hear me out, Sweetheart,” he continues. “You deserve the world, you truly do, and it pains me to know that everywhere we go, you have to sacrifice something, just because you’re with me. The meerkat-thing is just one of the many examples that reiterate that.”

“Okay,” you assess slowly, “what are you trying to say?” you carefully ask.

“I don’t know.” he whispers.

“I just keep thinking that you have to sacrifice so much, just in order to be with me. I wish I could give you more than that. I wish I could take you out on dates without us having to worry about being recognized, approached and disturbed.”

He looks at you with such turmoil and pain in his eyes, it makes your heart clench and curl up into a ball and cry.

“Oh, Stevie.” you murmur, before gently cupping his face and straddling his lap.

“Steve honey, listen. This whole getting-approached-by-strangers-thing sucks; I’m not gonna lie about that, but do you know what would suck a million times more? Not having you in my life! I could live without going out on anymore dates for the rest of my days, but do you know what I cannot live without? You!” you declare passionately, while looking into Steve’s eyes, which are somewhat glossy.

“Sweetheart.” he mumbles, voice thick with emotions, and you just pull him closer, nuzzling your face into the side of his neck.

“I love you, Steve. I love you even when we’re surrounded by what feels like hundreds of people, who all want a piece of you, and take over our dates.”

You feel a light wetness at the nape of your neck, and you gently brush your hand through Steve’s hair. Blinking away your own tears, you make a soft shushing sound, trying to calm him down.

“I love you. Don’t ever doubt me on that!” you whisper softly, and you feel Steve nod against your skin before whispering a small, timid “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I love you, and as long as you love me back, that’s all I need. That’s enough for me.” you try to clarify, before gently adding: “I know you feel a close kinship and obligation towards people, and you’re too polite to call them out when they approach us at the worst possible timing, but you’re allowed to tell some people off. The shield might be public property, Steve, but you aren’t. You’re allowed to have boundaries too.”

Your kind words fill Steve with a warm, fuzzy feeling, and it spreads on his face in the form of a soft smile. The love he feels for you keeps blooming and expanding, like the fragrant flowers growing all around you.

He’s not sure if he’ll ever be able to put it into words just how much you mean to him exactly, but he knows that he’ll try his damn best to show you every single day.

He hopes that that’s enough, hopes that it’s good enough for you. Losing you would be worse than dying, he’s sure of that. But all he manages to mumble out is a soft: “I love you so much.”

His words and voice are filled with such honesty, such devotion and conviction, you fear your heart might pound straight out of your chest, and into his lap.

“I know,” you whisper. “I love you just as much!”

He hums in content, and the silence that follows is the most comfortable silence you’ve ever experienced.

The two of you stay there, curled up in each other’s embrace, basking in one of the best feelings ever. Loving and feeling loved.

🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋 🍋

You’re not sure how much time has passed, when Steve speaks up again, but the sun is slowly starting to set, and it fills the garden with a golden glow.

“You’re ready to go home, Sweetheart?” he questions softly, voice full of affection.

No. You just want to stay in his loving embrace forever, but instead of articulating that, you let out a small whine, while shaking your head demonstratively.

The laugh that rumbles out of Steve’s chest is warm and hearty, and he softly smiles down at you.

“Come on.” he coaxes.

There’s something he’s sure he can beckon you with.

“I think they have a small souvenir shop near the exit with lots of stuffed animals.” he offers, and it makes you look up at him, wide-eyed and excited.

Gotcha. Steve thinks, a satisfied smile on his lips. The promise of stuffed animals works every time.

You slowly untangle yourself from him, before standing up and taking his hand.

“What are you waiting for, old man.” You playfully provoke him while he’s adjusting his backpack.

“Careful Sweetheart, or I might accidentally lose you in the middle of New York.” he says, yet you know it’s an empty threat. He would never even dream of doing something like that, not in a million years.

“Don’t underestimate the grasp I have on you.” you joke, referring to the way you’d normally cling to his arm and hand, but Steve thinks about how true those words are in a broader sense.

How you have the strongest possible grasp on his heart, in the gentlest way.

Unaware of his adoring thoughts, you drag him to the exit of the botanical garden, and he watches you with the warmest smile.

Once you step out of the garden your eyes instantly find, and fixate on the small souvenir shop, walking straight towards it.

The place is spacious and there are a couple of kids running around, shoving stuffed animals in their parents faces. The selection of stuffies is broad, but you already know what you want.

Steve thinks you’ll be going over to the cheetahs, yet he finds himself surprised, when he watches you walk towards… the donkeys?

He observes you carefully picking up a medium-sized stuffie and clutching it tightly to your chest, a satisfied smile on your lips.

“Stevie! Look!” you exclaim, as you turn your attention to him, holding the stuffie up proudly.

Little did you know, he was already looking at you the whole time.

Eyes soft and smile warm.

“Sweetheart, are you sure? Don’t you want something more… exciting?” he questions, as he points to the array of wild cats and panda bears.

“Nope!” you chirp, the look of content on your face clear as day.

He always wants to see you like this - happy, content, satisfied.

“Wait, Stevie! You should get one too!” you exclaim when you see him slowly make his way toward the checkout.

“The donkey will remind me of you when you’re gone on missions, but you need a stuffie that reminds you of me, too!”

“Sweetheart, you’re in the back of my mind 24/7. I don’t need a …”

“Not the point.” you interrupt him.

“You occupy my mind almost all the time as well, but it’s nice to have something tangible to remind you and to keep close sometimes.”

“Alright.” Steve concedes, before looking at the countless shelves of stuffed animals.

Which one should he even pick?

He thinks back to your interactions earlier, thinks about how soft you looked, with that small bunny comfortably sitting in your lap.

He thinks about how excited you were, when you told him everything you knew about cheetahs, eyes sparkling bright.

He thinks about how softly you’d kissed him at the flamingo enclosure, and how serene you looked while you were watching the American bisons - a dreamy look on your face, and ice cream in hand.

God, is picking your own stuffie always that hard?

His eyes continue to wander along the shelves when he spots it.

There’s a medium-sized cheetah stuffie wearing sunglasses and a Hawaiian shirt with little plumerias printed on it.

That’s you.

Cool, adorable, and with a questionable fashion sense.

Thinking back at how you were holding him close in the botanical garden, the sight of the small flowers instantly fills him with the memories of your comforting words and touch.

That’s the one.

Steve makes his way over to the stuffed animal, and it’s even softer than he’d imagined.

“Oh! It’s adorable!” you coo when you see his choice, and Steve smiles.

That’s the one.

He thinks, as he watches you.

The one, who has complete reign over his heart.

You made yourself quite at home in there, filled it with your sweet laughter and your little smiles, the softness of your touch and the kindness in your eyes.

He keeps all these memories of you safely tugged away, underneath his rib cage, in that little treasure chest he calls his heart.

You’re both, his most prized possession, and the strong protector that watches over it all.

The guardian angel of his heart.

“Steve!” you call out to him, from the checkout.

“They say they have a 10 % senior discount for people over 60! Come over here, and figure this out, please!”

It makes him laugh, and there’s only one thought in his mind:

God, how he adores you.

---------------------------------------------

Ahhh, that's it! Thanks you so much for reading!

[stillebesat]

The Green Gremlin

Danny Phantom: Danny, Dash Blurb: The Ghost reflects the person. Dash had heard that somewhere and after tonight...the thirty-sixth freaking time he’d been turned green...he knew it was right. There was something fundamentally wrong with him. Fic Type: Hurt/Comfort Overall Fic Warnings: Past Bullying Talk, Mind Control mention

Dash had no idea how long the hole in the fence of the Fenton’s backyard had been there and at this point he didn’t care.

Considering he’d found it back in the beginning of sophomore year...and it was still here nearly two years later...he doubted the Fenton Parents even knew it existed since it was hidden behind their shed.

After all, ghosts didn’t exactly need holes to get anywhere. They could just phase through solid objects--ones that didn’t have a ghost shield protecting them at least.

He hissed under his breath, shoving himself through the opening, purposely ignoring how his shoulders--which had nearly gotten him stuck in the hole a month ago at his last visit--didn’t stop him this time.

Intangibility.

Dash gritted his teeth, shoving his way along the gap between shed and fence into the main backyard.

He knew there would be no one home even with the late hour, considering the Fentons were still dealing with the aftermath of yet another ghost army invasion that had compromised most of the student body at Casper High. Fentina--Danny should also still be somewhere on the school grounds with his two weirdo friends, and with his old tutor, Jazz, off at college...it would be quiet here for a while yet.

Not that it would have mattered if they had been home. He’d yet to see anyone come back here unless someone was trying to get Fentroid fit enough to pass yet another fitness test. And that had only happened twice.

Dash reached the brick wall, his fingers--still green tinged from his unfortunate...change today--brushed the rough surface before he placed his back to the wall, sliding down so that the overgrown bush nearby hid most of him from view.

He let out a slow breath, ducking his head against his knees, feeling the hum of whatever protective shields the Fentons had on the building resonating through the wall and matching the burning throb in his chest as he ran slightly pointed nails through his hair.

Another ghost invasion. Another...transformation where the attacking ghost had done something to bring out the more ghostly natures of the student body to make things all the more difficult for Phantom.

And once again...Dash had been changed into that horrible green skinned gremlin ghost creature.

“It’s not fair.” He whispered, fingers flinching away from the pointed tips of his ears.

The Ghost reflects the person. He’d heard that somewhere...probably from Mr. Lancer, and after like the third incident where he’d ended up green...Dash had begun to think there was something to that thought. After tonight...the thirty-sixth freaking time he’d been turned green...he knew it was right.

There was something fundamentally wrong with him.

None of the others, in the dozenish times they had been affected, held such a consistent ghost form when they were altered, changed, or manipulated to be something else rather than human. Whether it was becoming like ghostly Vampires, Sirens, Multi-Colored Blobs, Cyborgs, or various WereCreatures, his classmates had experienced it all.

But Dash?

He remained the green gremlin.

Nothing more. Nothing less. Sure the size of his gremlin form might shift depending on the ghost doing the changing and his...well...anger issues that day.

But overall...Green. Green. Green.

The Ghost reflects the person.

And since halfway through sophomore year Dash had been trying to change that reflection. Be better.

He’d stopped taking out his...issues on the dweebs at school--especially Fen--Danny.

He’d gone to see a therapist.

He’d worked on improving his grades and study habits.

He’d tried to branch out in his hobbies. Sewing, Screenwriting, a disastrous attempt at Acting and yah, just trying anything else he had a slight interest in that wasn’t a sport. That wasn’t football.

...and yet.

He dropped a hand to his chest, rubbing at the burning sensation that no amount of Tums or Tylenol could get rid of and only seemed to grow stronger with every ghastly change he’d been forced into.

He closed his eyes, running his tongue over his sharpened teeth, feeling most of the points finally beginning to shrink. “One more year.”

If he could just survive senior year in this hellscape then…then....

He didn’t know. Colleges only wanted him for his football skills.

Football skills that he should just stop using because that seemed to bring out the worst of the Green Gremlin when the ghosts attacked.

He’d destroyed yet another uniform -his third this year- today at the game when he’d become the freaking Hulk and smashed his way through the bleachers to try and catch the annoying fly that he hadn’t realized was Phantom until after his Hero had burst free from his grip and sent him flying over the school to land face first in the grass by the flagpole.

It was a move that had placed him far out of range of the ghostly lady-like creature who had changed him in the first place, freeing him from her control. Allowing him to run like the coward he was away from the fight and his classmates and get...human again.

Dash let out another shuddering breath, trying to focus on the hum coming from the Fenton’s home as he rested his head on his knees. Trying to ground himself like the therapist had suggested.

He was safe here.

No ghosts dared to attack Fentonworks directly. Not when it housed the only stable portal in the area.

No one would come here to hurt him. To hunt him.

He just needed to wait until the last dredges of these ghost alterations left his body and then he could go home.

Go home to where his Dad would be furious that he didn’t stick it out. Didn’t win the freaking football game.

Like a ghost attack wouldn’t have forced them to reschedule anyways.

It wasn’t like that mattered to his Father though. He only ever cared about football when he wasn’t off traveling for one of his stupid work trips. Nothing more. Nothing less. His Dad hadn’t even noticed that Dash had grown out his hair to cover his ears because they’d remained pointed since Thanksgiving break and he couldn’t hide them any other way. He hadn’t noticed how Dash barely smiled anymore to hide the stupid fangs that had stuck around after the last change. He hadn’t noticed---alot. He’d come home once with his skin still green tinged and his Dad thought he’d been trying to fake an illness to get out of practice instead of recovering from another Ghost Attack.

Dash pressed his hands to his chest, again fruitlessly massaging at the burning ache there.

One more year.

One. More. Year. And he could move out of this place. Get far away from his Dad. From the Ghosts. And hopefully forget this whole gremlin nightmar---

“Dash?”

Dash jerked at the unexpected voice, hissing as he smacked the back of his head against the bricks. Great. Hello headache. Not that he didn’t already probably have a concussion from how hard he’d face planted in the dirt earlier. But still.

“...Dash?” The voice was softer. More cautious. Like the tone you’d use to try and soothe a wild animal trapped in a corner. “You...uh? Okay?”

Dash snorted, resting his head back on his knees so he could better rub the back of it and avoid looking at the speaker--at Danny. “Sure.” He gritted his teeth at the demonic growl that still was his voice. Please let that not be a permanent change this time. “I’m. Just. Fine.”

“You uh...don’t look fine.”

Nooo really? He hadn’t noticed. Dash flexed his fingers, feeling the claws still present, which meant his skin was probably still ghost colored.

Great. Fenton probably thought he was still mind controlled. Why was he even home? Or better yet. Out here? There was no reason to come back here at night--even so, he’d thought that he’d be hidden from view!

Dash exhaled, turning his head to the side, looking up to see his one time punching bag sitting on the back steps, bright blue eyes staring right at him. “I’m fine.” He repeated, hiding a wince as his chest burned hotter for a second. “Just….catching my breath.”

Danny frowned, slipping off the side of the steps to crouch in front of him. “Here? Why? My parents--”

“I KNO--” Dash flinched, groaning as Danny jerked back. He half uncurled, lightly tapping his aching head against the bricks as he closed his eyes. “I know.” He repeated in a softer growl. “They haven’t looked back here yet though. I’ll be...fine...in a minute. I won’t attack you.”

“Here yet---wait you’ve come here before? Why?”

Shouldn’t Fenton be more concerned about Dash still being well….ghostly? Or hurting him? Sure, Danny had stopped running away at the first sign of a ghost attack forever ago, finally taking after his parents in a way. He’d often seen Danny running around with Sam and Tucker helping Phantom with capturing ghosts---liked they’d done tonight. The three of them working together in tandem to keep the football team from rampaging off the field before the Fentons got there.

...Maybe Danny being back from the game already wasn’t that odd actually now that he thought about it. If Fenton was returning with a full thermos of spirits to send back in the Ghost Zone and one of his parent’s devices happened to sensed a ghost nearby---

Dash gave a one shoulder shrug, opting to look at his green tinged hands instead of at Fen---Danny’s face. “Feels...safe here. I guess. No ghosts attack it at least.”

“It feels safe.” Danny repeated an odd note to his voice.

What was he? A parrot? “Yes.” He bit out, clenching his hands before relaxing them. Anger wouldn’t help. It would only make him revert. He drew in a slow measured breath. “What’s the big deal Fent--Danny?”

Danny chuckled and shifted so he too was sitting with his back against the wall of his home. “The fact that you feel safe at my house? The place practically screams stay away to people, Dash, what with the big old Ops center on top and the threat of my Dad causing something to explode here every other day.”

Okay...yah...that...yah. Dash made a face, rubbing his aching chest. “Your sister tutored me here twice a week until she left. Maybe I’m just used to it.”

Danny made a skeptical noise, drumming his fingers on his knees. “It’s probably the increased ectoplasmic radiation here.” He remarked conversationally. “My parents thought they had it contained to the basement...but I can feel it seeping through the bricks. A neutral source of energy coming from the portal, like a recharging station at a cafe but for ghosts instead of laptops.”

A recharging station? For ghosts? Was that the humming sound? Not a shield? No. No. It couldn’t--and he--he---Dash shot to his feet, nearly stumbling into the bushes as his shredded sneakers briefly lost contact with the ground. “NO. I can’t--”

Danny reached out with a surprisingly firm grip, pulling him back down. “Hey, hey. It’s okay--”

Dash growled, hating how feral he sounded as he jerked free, backing--floating--away from Fen--Danny and the house... “I’m not a Ghost, Fenton! I can’t recharge--I can’t--” Crap. His voice was only getting more demonic because he was getting upset. He grabbed his football jersey as he roughly hit the ground, falling to his knees by the shed, clawed fingers digging into the ruined fabric as he struggled to breathe. Ectoradiation. Had he been making the problem worse this entire time? He thought hanging out here was safe! That it would help him get back to normal!

“Hey.” A cold hand squeezed his shoulder.

Dash growled, hunching further in on himself. “I can’t--I don’t want to be this! I’ve been trying to change! And it’s not working. I’m just making it wors--”

“Dash.” Danny placed his pale hand over Dash’s green one before moving it to rest on his chest, right over the burning ache like a cooling balm. “Hey.” He repeated softly. “You’re okay, you’re not a ghost.”

Wasn’t he though? After thirty-six freaking alterations, was he even human anymore? Dash gave a ragged laugh, chest burning hotter under his touch. “Fe--Danny, I’m green.”

Danny hummed, hand feeling all the colder as he tilted his head, frowning as he gave him the once over. “Not your best look, I agree, but you’re not a ghost.” He gave him a half smile, eyes sparking with silent humor. “Trust me. I’d know.”

“Ha.” He couldn’t though. Dash squeezed his eyes shut, focusing on Danny’s hand on his chest, on just breathing. “You can’t know that.” He whispered. “It doesn’t all just go away when the ghost does, Fenton. Not anymore.”

Compared to the rest of the student body, Danny had barely been changed a handful of times. How could he know how ghostly or not ghostly Dash was? Even Fenton’s parents had been wrong more than once on that account.

Danny’s fingers twitched. “...What doesn’t go away?” He asked, an edge to his voice that hadn’t been there before.

Danger.

Dash flinched, pushing Danny’s hand away, ignoring how his chest twinged as he moved back to his feet. He had to get out of here. “Nothing.” Fenton was the son of Ghost Hunters after all. He now helped Phantom capture the bad ghosts. How would he react if he saw how Dash had changed? The pointed ears? The fangs? The whatever else tonight’s attack would permanently alter. Maybe his skin would stay green this time. “It’s noth--”

“It’s not nothing.” Danny’s voice was quiet as he too stood, flexing his fingers. “There is an echo to you. Not enough to be ghostly, but far too much to be just regular contamination like the other students have.”

Dash gritted his teeth, shaking his head. He already knew that.

“Dash.” Fenton’s voice was soft. “I can’t help if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“Why would you want to?” Dash retorted, glaring at the shed, claws digging into his palms as he clenched his hands. “I’m just the bully am I not?” He hadn’t shoved a nerd into a locker in forever, but that didn’t stop them from side-eyeing him and shying away whenever he walked by...especially on a bad day.

Danny huffed. “You’ve hardly been that. We may not...hang out...but I have noticed the change. You’ve been...well...” He stepped into view rubbing the back of his neck, “good, man.”

Ha. “Not good enough.”

Danny raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

Dash made a face, gesturing to himself once more, though he could already tell his skin was returning to its normal color. Finally. “I’m always like this, F--Danny. Thirty-six freaking times,” His chest burned as Fenton’s eyes widened. “I’ve been altered by ghosts and I always look like this. None of the others do if you haven’t noticed. They always look different with each attack. But me? I don’t--I’m just---Green.”

He should stop talking. Let it go. It wasn’t like Fenton cared what was going off with his one-time bully.

Yet...He needed to tell someone. Anyone. What he was dealing with. It wasn’t like he could go to Star or Paulina. Not even his best bud Kwan. They couldn’t understand this. They didn’t have to live with the permanent weird.

Fenton did though. His parents had been weird his entire life with their ghost obsesion.

Danny frowned. “So? It’s not like it’s perm--”

“Permanent?” Dash gave a bitter laugh, brushing his hair away from his ears to reveal the points. “Tell that to my ears. To my fangs.” He bared his teeth, ignoring the shiver that ran down his spine as Fenton bristled and bared his teeth right back.

Were Danny’s teeth more...pointed?--No. It was a trick of the light. Fenton couldn’t have fangs too. Dash growled, hands clenching as he heard a slight rumble come from Danny in response. “If those have already changed in me then how much longer before the ghost’s contamination permanently changes my voice, Fenton? My eyes? Will I keep the green skin next time?! Will I permanently remain a ghost and never change back one day? I don’t freaking know and it scares me!”

Because he was the only one. No one else could understand.

Danny shook his head, his defensive stance relaxing as he raised a hand. “Dash, I--”

Dash crossed his arms, glaring at his one time punching bag. “Don’t you dare tell me you understand or some sort of sentimental crap! You’ve been altered by ghosts like what? Three times? How could you even understand? How could anyone understand when none of the others have to deal with this either? Even though they’ve been changed a dozen times, they’re still able to be normal because they never look exactly the same under the various ghosts attacking us. Nothing sticks for them. But me?” He kicked at the grass, already regretting letting his emotions get the better of him, for revealing his...fears to Danny of all people. “I’m always just a violent green gremlin and I hate it, Fenton. I hate it. I’ve tried to change to stop it. Be a better person. And yet I always end up looking exactly--” he swallowed, roughly brushing over his eyes, hating how hot and wet they felt as he finally broke eye contact. “The same.” He whispered.

“It’s not--” Danny cleared his throat, stepping forward to place his hand back over the ache in Dash’s chest. “It’s not...bad to have a consistent ghost form, you know.” He said, giving a one shoulder shrug. “To have the same abilities. To not worry about what power you might accidentally unleash next.” His hand seemed to grow colder on Dash’s chest, drawing the heat away. “I’ve heard people talking. In school. About how they hate that they don’t know what they’ll end up being when the next ghost comes.”

Dash shakily exhaled, leaning into Fenton’s hand despite himself. Kwan had mentioned something like that before today’s game too. How he wished he could just stick with duplicating as his power like Dash was stuck with being a gremlin.

“You’re lucky in that sense.” Danny said in a low voice. “Even if you don’t like being the--” He raised his free hand to make quotation marks. “‘Green Gremlin’ At least you know what to expect when a ghost attacks. It gives you the uhh...field? Yah. Field advantage.”

He--he had a point. Dash did know what to expect. The only thing he had to adjust for was his size. Otherwise...everything else remained the same. He slowly looked up. “Doesn’t mean I like it. Or that I’m any good.” Dash grimaced. “I mean, I attacked Phantom! My hero! Who does that?”

Danny smirked, eyes glinting, reflecting the green glow coming off of Dash’s skin. “You were mind controlled. The entire football team went after him in case you didn’t notice, you just happened to reach him first. I think he understands.”

Dash scoffed, resting clawless fingers on Danny’s hand. “Does he?”

Fenton hummed, surprisingly at ease for being in the presence of his one-time bully. Of course, Fenton had bulked up a bit since freshman year. Gotten taller. Become more of a fighter with Phantom. He wouldn’t be that easy to push around anymore on a normal day if Dash were still the type to shove nerds into their lockers.

“You didn’t continue attacking. You left. That says something.” Danny said, putting slight pressure on Dash’s chest, urging him to take a step back.

Back towards the Fenton’s home. To the...freaking recharging wall.

Dash tightened his grip on Danny’s hand, the ache in his chest fading more the closer they got to the red bricks. “That I’m a coward.”

He shook his head. “That you’re smart. You got out of her control. You came to a safe place to recover.”

Like the Fenton house was actually safe. Danny had been right in pointing that out. No one in their right mind would come here.

So why had he? He shook his head. “If I was any good then I should have fought with Phantom, Danny. Not gone running off!”

Danny raised an eyebrow, pulling his hand free. “Then why don’t you?”

“Huh?”

He shrugged, moving past Dash to scoop up a familiar battered Fenton Thermos from the steps, fiddling with it. “You know what’s going to happen to you right? You Hulk it out. Why don’t you use that knowledge to help Phantom fight other ghosts next time?”

Dash frowned, absently rubbing chest as he looked up at the shadowy ops center perched overhead. It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about it multiple times. It just-- “I...figured I’d just get in the way.” He admitted, running fingers through his hair, relaxing as he felt the last of the ghostliness leave his body. “I mean, you know how it is, Danny, if we’re altered then it usually means we’re controlled in some way. Sent to attack. Cause destruction and chaos. Why would Phantom trust any of us, let alone me, to help?”

Even though they’d all taken ghostly defense classes. Even though most of them carried a Fenton weapon of some sort that could take down the weaker ghosts. Even then, only Fentina and his friends were allowed by Phantom to get close in a major ghost fight and even so they ran mostly interference. Damage control.

Danny hummed, bouncing the thermos in one hand as he rubbed the back of his neck with the other. “Point. He does tend to...work alone.”

“Exactly.” Dash took a seat on the steps, hunching his shoulders as he felt the hum of the building resonating through his hands. “And me bumbling into a fight with fists swinging would hardly help him.”

“Well…” Danny settled on the steps next to him, placing the Thermos by their feet. “No...probably not.”

That’s what he thought. Still...it was something to reconsider. Especially if he could convince Fenton to give Phantom the heads up that Dash wanted to try and help--

He exhaled, running fingers through his hair, lingering on the tips of his ears. He’d have to check in the mirror when he got home, but it didn’t feel like anything had permanently changed this time.

“Do they hurt?”

“Mmm?” Dash tilted his head.

Danny gestured to him, looking for a moment like his old awkward freshman self. “Your ah...teeth? The ears? You said both had changed right? Do they hurt?”

Oh. Right. He had brought that up hadn’t he? Dash exhaled, resting his head on his knees. “No. Not now. In the beginning, sure. But not now.”

“That’s...good. That they don’t hurt anymore. I--umm...what did you...ah...use for them? To stop the pain?”

Why did it matter? It wasn’t like they hurt anymore. It wasn’t like anyone else--Dash blinked, breath catching in his throat as he abruptly sat up, whirling to Danny. His teeth. He knew they hadn’t looked normal. But how?! “Let me see.”

Danny stiffened, a wary glint of green in his eyes.

Only Dash’s skin was no longer green. Where was his green glow coming from?

“See what? I was just asking a question.”

“One you shouldn’t care about unless you are having the same problem, Fenton.” Dash said, jabbing a finger at him, heart pounding like a drum in his chest.

Not alone. Was he seriously not alone in this? If Fenton!! If there were two of them instead of just him--even if it was Danny, it was someone else. It was-- Dash raked his eyes over Fenton, taking all of him in. Noting all the little changes that he hadn’t noticed before. That no one seemed to have noticed, like the fact that his hair was shaggier than it used to be. Not quite as long as Dash’s hair, but definitely hiding the ears. “Kwan, my best friend, never ever asked me what I used to stop it when I casually brought it up. Why would you ask me unless you have the same problem?” Dash said, trying and probably totally failing at keeping the desperation out of his voice. “Show me.”

Danny bit his lip, deliberately not showing any teeth with the motion, his eyes darting to the darkened yard, then away. “Seriously, Dash--”

Dash growled, hands clenching on the stairs to keep him from hitting something. “Please, Danny. Show. Me.” He had to know. Know he wasn’t the only one. “It’s not like anyone comes back here. Trust me. I know. Besides, your parents will be off decontaminating the school for forever again, if you’re that worried about them seeing.”

Danny flinched.

Ah. So it was something like that then. Dash leaned forward like a bloodhound sensing...well blood. “My Dad doesn’t know either.” He said, quietly. “I get it. Like...how do you explain this to them? Especially when they refuse to listen. If it’s not about football my Dad tunes it out.”

“They only ever talk about eradicating ghosts.” Danny mumbled, running his fingers over his left palm, tracing some invisible pattern. “Never about studying them. Learning from them. Just...how their next greatest weapon will defeat them or permanently get rid of them. It’s not like they want to---”

“See that their son is becoming more ghostly?”

Danny stiffened, a flicker of green appearing around his fingers before vanishing as he let out a slow breath. “Sure...something like that.”

Oh. “That...sucks man.” Dash rested his chin on his hand, eyes flicking between Fenton’s face and his fingers. Ecto energy. Was that why Danny had said he could feel the ectoradiation coming from his home?

Or was it a new Fenton invention that they hadn’t yet introduced to the public to help fight against ghosts?

He frowned, looking away. “I...well I get it. Being scared to tell them. I’ve been on the wrong end of their weapons more than once. It’s not fun.”

Danny hunched his shoulders, rubbing at his own chest. “Yah. I--yah. Most days it feels like they only care that I’m following in their footsteps...hunting ghosts...but beyond that? Beyond the next ghost attack? It’s like good ectoenergy doesn’t exist to them. Or shouldn’t exist. That it’s just bad pretending to be good and should be torn apart. Molecule by Molecule. So it won’t hurt anyone.”

Dash shuddered. Oh yah. He’d heard that particular speech from Jack Fenton before. He’d had nightmares for weeks. How could he have thought that he’d had it rough with his Dad and his football obsession when Danny probably heard that speech on a daily basis? When Dash had seen how they had all those weapons lying around the house, ready to be picked up and shot in the blink of an eye at the merest hint that a ghost was nearby. And Danny lived there. If he was experiencing ghost changes too….How would his parents actually react if it came out that their son had fallen victim to the ectoradiation they, the number one Ghost Hunters of Amity Park, claimed they were protected from?

Not good judging by Danny’s reluctance to admit that there was anything wrong with him in the first place.

Or it could just be his bad history with Fenton. Showing your weakness to a bully--even a former one--probably went against instinct.

“Well...if you...ah...need to tell anyone. Or get some help.” Dash offered, rubbing at his own chest, at the hollowness he could feel. Maybe he had jumped the gun there. Desperate to believe that he wasn’t the only one. That there was someone else who would understand. “You already saw my fangs...so I kinda know...things. Like there’s some creams at my place you could grab...you know...if you are having the same problem. I’d understand what’s going on a bit more than your parents would.”

Maybe. He didn’t know them that well. Maybe he was just projecting his own problems onto Fenton again.

“Mmm. I---” Danny exhaled, rubbing the back of his neck, before nodding to himself, turning to face him. “You’re right, Dash.” He said, his eyes glowing a bright neon green as his lip slowly lifted in a half smile, revealing the gleaming tip of a fang. “You would understand.”

[sweetestlamb]

Caged Bird

Summary: “I should let him go right?” 

Author’s note: Finally back with another chapter, this one was a bit harder for me than the other chapters because writer’s block was a bish and I kept second guessing myself. I erased so many things and I don’t know if I am even proud of this anymore or if it’s any good LOL but I spent all day writing it so I guess I should post it. I’m not losing motivation but life was beating on my door and I feel like this wasn’t as fleshed out as I wanted it to be but I don’t have the time to flesh it out more and I really didn’t want to go another week without writing, it makes me anxious to leave them unattended for so long.  So if you like anything about this let a girl now. 

“You told him?” Sujin glances over at Su-ah from her place on her bed, her phone idle on the bed, she’s trying not to text a certain someone too much but that is proving easier said then done with him messaging her without any discretion or care about appearances. 

Jukyeong looks knowingly at her phone with a soft smile and she hides the small square too embarrassed even though they hadn’t been talking about anything inappropriate, he was teasing her that she wore his sweaters more than he did these days and asking her if she wanted to go shopping with him so she could pick out exactly which sweater she wanted to steal borrow. She rolls her eyes at the dramatic message, she didn’t take that many of his sweaters, he was just overexaggerating as he was wont to do. She folds the sleeve of her borrowed(thank you very much) sweater over her hands and pointedly avoids looking at the vibrating device. 

She has self control. 

But a second vibration makes her flaunter for a minute, wondering if he’s saying something important he hardly ever double texts these days. She reaches for the phone gasping when it’s suddenly snatched out of her reach. 

“Hey-!” her voice trails off bashfully at the glower on Su-ah’s pretty face, that’s her take no shit face, damn. She sits up straighter giving the girl all her attention lest she become more agitated and try to read the messages, that would be too unsettling. They had both already commented on her recent oversized sweaters, coyly trying to get her to admit to who they truly belonged to. She ignored their teasing and jut her nose in the air each time, they already knew and she refused to give them the satisfaction of saying it out loud. 

“Focus on us for one minute. Your boyfriend can wait.” Su-ah states firmly putting her phone on the small desk behind her and she sputters at the comment, red hot flush barreling down her entire body like a wildfire. 

“He’s not my boyfriend!” She denies vehemently, cheeks burning hotter from the nonplussed looks she receives from her two closest friends, Su-ah looks utterly unimpressed and Jukyeong can barely contain the smile spreading on her full lips, she opens her mouth to argue harder needing to smother the jolt of pure bliss that surfaced in her belly at the other girl’s bold proclamation but the words get firmly lodged in her throat. 

His hands tightly wound around hers, his thumb gently caressing the rough skin of her scarred knuckles. The way she didn’t want to pull away or hide from him, he was looking at her, truly seeing her and instead of fear something warmer spread through her veins. 

Those lips on her forehead, the softest sweetest kiss she had ever received in her life. Nobody had ever held her like she was something precious before but that was how he pressed her to his wide chest, her head nuzzled into his fragrant neck as she drowned in his intoxicating scent nervous to breathe him in too much lest she get lost in his spell. 

The deep rumble of his voice as he called her “baby”, she had always rolled her eyes hearing couples use such supercilious nicknames with each other, what was the point? Why did being in a couple have to mean that you lost your name and essentially a piece of your identity? It was stupid and childish and she wanted nothing to do with such a transgression, or so she had believed. 

Until the moment he called her princess. 

What started out as a tease had transformed into something bigger than she had ever expected, she hated it or so she told herself. But when he called her Sujin in the park she felt like a part of her was missing, she wasn’t just Sujin to him anymore. In that moment she had a grand realization she wasn’t losing herself like she had initially thought but rather gaining another layer, she would always be Sujin and that was enough but she could also be his princess, his baby.  

When had she turned into such a sap? This was all his fault. 

“Hello? Sujin? Are you even listening to me? Hey! Are you seriously fantasizing about your boyfriend right now?” She jumps at Su-ah’s loud voice, slapping a frantic hand over her mouth and looking around as if people will materialize out of thin air. 

“Can you stop saying that word, Suho might hear you!” She stage whispers and Su-ah raises a thin eyebrow at her shoving her hand away. 

“Why are you so red? Did something happen between you two, you can’t hide anything from us! What happened to “we’re just friends”? She blushes redder at Su-ah’s quotation marks and Jukyeong leans forward excitedly, “Have things changed? Did you tell him how you feel? Oh my god, did you guys...kiss?!”

Su-ah stills at Jukyeong’s question before vibrating violently in her seat and grabbing her shoulders shaking her back and forth, “Sujin did you lose your lip virginity? Did you let him deflower you?!” 

Sitting stunned and wide eyed, she stares at her friends expectant faces wondering how the conversation became derailed so quickly? She had invited them both over to explain the Baekyung situation and her conversation with Suho’s father but somehow Seojun had become the star of the night. 

“Are you crazy why would you call it that?” She immediately realizes her mistake when both girls turn to look at each other and simultaneously shriek, “She didn’t deny it!,” and she watches in horror as they jump up and starting dancing around the room, then she groans and tugs the hood of the sweater over her head pulling the drawstrings so she is cocooned in the fabric as they start singing off key, “Sujin kissed Seojun! Sujin kissed Seojun!” 

Instinctively she grabs a fluffy pillow and flings it across the room in a perfect arch before it lands with a soft thud on Jukyeong���s head, time stops as they all stare at each other and then it’s a flurry as the girl picks up the pillow launching it back and that is how Sujin gets involved in her first ever pillow fight. There are pillows flying every which way and Su-ah and Jukyeong gang up on her, shoving her into the bed and playfully smacking her on her stomach and back as she curls up in a ball body shaking from her laughter. 

“Tell us everything and we’ll stop hitting you.” Su-ah promises and she shakes her head in refusal, seconds later she feels a grazing on her sides and she knows what’s coming so she tries to draw away but her means of escape are thwarted by Jukyeong grabbing her by the shoulders and pressing her harder into the bed. 

“Su-ah please don’t. This is evil, I thought we were friends.” She pleads staring up at both with beguiling eyes and for a minute she thinks her puppy eyes have succeeded as both release her, but then she feels a barrage of hands on her side and laughter is forcefully pulled from her body as she twitches in a fit, twisting and turning from the hands but to no avail. She feels tears pooling in her eyes from the sensation and this is how Suho finds them, tangled up and breathless from laughter and he stares at them in shock. 

“When you guys are done...doing this can you please respond to Seojun? He thinks you suddenly got into an accident or got kidnapped because you stopped responding to him.” 

Su-ah turns to her with a look of triumph on her mischievous face, “That sounds like boyfriend behavior to me.” 

Suho doesn’t reply except for a twitch in his lip before he slides the door closed behind him, giving them privacy again. 

She tries not to rush to her phone but her eyes find their eye over to the device all the way across the room, maybe if she runs really quickly she can make it past the two girls and lock herself in the bathroom? 

“I know that look. Whatever crazy plot you’re cooking up is unnecessary, you can have your phone back. I know you two hate to be apart,” Su-ah teases leaning over and then handing her the phone, she stares at it worried that accepting it will be admittance to Su-ah’s claims she hesitates to take it. 

Su-ah takes the choice away from her when she places the phone in her outreached hands, “Don’t keep him waiting.” She holds the phone flat in her palms looking up at both her friends, they have identical smiles on their faces and warmth blossoms in her belly. 

She’s happy, this is what happiness feels like. 

But she’s also overwhelming nervous, she has never done this before, never had someone who made her feel this way. Was it supposed to be this terrifying? Putting the phone down resolutely she turns to her best friends needing their advice. 

“I have no idea what I’m doing.” She admits, feeling small and more than a little bit lost. Instantly she is squished in the middle as they both come to sit by her sandwiching her in between them, twin arms thrown over her shoulders. 

“We know you’re scared but he likes you, everyone can see that. When you’re in a room together it’s like he doesn’t see anyone else, you are always his focal point.” Jukyeong whispers softly placing her head on her shoulder and she wants to deny that but too many images flash in her mind of him doing just that, him dropping everything and racing to her even in the beginning when she had been a mess and constantly pushed him away. Intimate moments at lunch where his eyes hardly leave her as he ardently watches her eat the food that he had prepared just for her, despite countless girls watching him and squealing his name in the distance. 

Everyone had eyes for him, but he only had eyes for....her. 

“What if all of this becomes too much for him and he wants someone normal? Someone who doesn’t have all my baggage? Being with me must get exhausting.” She’s still talking about Seojun but a small piece of her is also directing this statement to them, was being her friend as exhausting? Did they ever consider just abandoning her and finding someone who didn’t have such tiresome issues? 

“You still don’t understand do you?” 

She turns towards Su-ah who blinks wet eyes at her and suddenly her eyes feel moist too. 

“Understand what?” 

“How much you mean to us. All of us. Nobody could ever replace you, we don’t care about your baggage, we want to help you carry it all.” 

She blinks and stares straight ahead, scared of breaking apart. 

Is that how Seojun felt too? Was she worth the trouble to him too? 

When had her life ever been so simple?

They all jump when her phone vibrates again and this time she doesn’t hesitate immediately picking it up, expecting to see another message from the boy in question but instead a new number appears. She stares blankly at first before suddenly recognizing the number. 

“Who’s that?” Su-ah questions, staring at her phone with pursed lips and she swipes the message open. 

Dinner tonight? 

It feels strange to see that message beneath Seojun’s and she finds herself closing it without responding and opening Seojun’s plethora of messages instead. 

I was just joking you can steal all my sweaters. 

Are you still there?

Princess?

Can you answer me so I know you’re alive? 

He is so dramatic, she doesn’t message him for ten minutes and he’s already thinking the worst but then she remembers all the times he has found her helpless and trembling in the rain and his fear makes more sense. Smiling in understanding she finally replies, I’m okay you worrywart. Su-ah and Jukyeong are here, I got distracted. 

ignoring social norm he responds to her immediately not the least bit concerned with appearing too invested. 

Don’t scare me like that. I was about to come over. 

“Sujin are you sure Seojun is okay with you going on dates with Baekyung, that’s who text you right?” Her head snaps up at the question, she bites her lip in consideration. 

“He said he understood. He knows I’m only doing it to help him. But tonight is the last time.” 

She shouldn’t be concerning herself with anyone else’s problems, hers were enough on their own. But she couldn’t help it, the other boy was going through the same ordeal as her and she saw herself in his cold numb eyes, he was existing instead of living. She knew what that felt like. She understood him all too well. 

“Why does he need your help?” Jukyeong asks innocently and she stills before shaking her head, “It’s not my story to tell.” 

They don’t ask anymore questions and she’s grateful for that. 

She has to get ready for her date, she can’t help but wish it was with someone else. She doesn’t even want to call it a date, now that she has someone that she wants to do this all with. 

She looks beautiful, she always does and he wonders if he might have genuinely liked her if they met under different circumstances? He had never learned what it meant to care for someone, too busy trying to survive but she understood him, they had so much in common. He didn’t like her-his heart wasn’t capable of such emotions he was convinced- but he felt a certain kinship that he’d never felt before with anyone else, maybe they were meant to met each other. 

Could she be his destiny? 

“I need to talk to you.” He stares at her across the table looking effortlessly elegant and he takes a sip of his water, something akin to dread pooling in the pit of his stomach. 

“Talk then,” he answers gruffier than he intended but he can see the apology on her face and his vicious side is making an appearance in anticipation of whatever she wants to say to him. She stares at him for a long time and he wonders if she is second guessing or simply searching for the right words, annoyance surges in the wake of her hesitation he is not some child who needs sugared words or placation. “Just say it already,” he says snarkily and her eyes harden at his harsh tone, that’s more like it he hates to be pitied. 

“This is our last...gathering. I can’t help you anymore. I am doing something about my situation and I think you should too.” 

Rage builds up in his veins until he can see nothing but red, he thought he finally found someone who understood but here she was judging him and already abandoning him and all for what, some pretty boy idiot who would never understand what it meant to struggle? They were two sides of the same coin and nobody could ever truly love them, how could she not see that? At birth they had been deemed unlovable by their own parents and there was no way to undo that fate, it was best to just accept the hand they had been dealt. 

“Do you think he really likes you?” He asks meanly sneering at her with a curled lip, this reminds him too much of Dan-oh, of that stinging rejection and the way she wanted nothing to do with him- too lost in her fucking precious Haru-ah and he can’t stop the vicious words that are falling from his mouth, “You’re just a charity case to him. Like a sick puppy he found outside, he doesn’t like you he just feels sorry for you. It’s pathethic.” 

The words land exactly how he intended. 

She looks angry but that fades to consternation and then doubt builds in her eyes and he knows he was successful, he has planted a seed of doubt in her mind and that will only manifest bigger and bigger until she cracks under the pressure.  

“You’re wrong.” She states but she doesn’t sound certain, he can hear the question at the end and he smiles mentally. He almost feels bad but then the image of the other boy smiling with his perfect family flashes in his mind and any guilt he feels melts away. Why should he have it all when he, Baekyung had nothing? 

“I’m not. You’re just a phase for him, he probably think he’s being nice pretending to like you. I’ve seen all those girls around him, why would he want someone whose weak broken and whose parents don't even want her? Don’t be naïve, it’s beneath you Sujin. People like us need to know our place.” 

He stifles the little voice in the back of his mind that questions why he’s pushing away someone who only wants to be free, why did she get to escape the prison that they both had been locked in for so many years? Why couldn’t she just accept that they didn’t deserve anyone else and just be with him? Why was he always the last possible choice? 

She doesn’t say another word, opening her wallet and throwing down enough money to cover the meal that hasn’t even been brought out yet. The cold look she shoots his way stops him from saying anything, he can see the hurt in her eyes and it’s twisted but he feels a tinge of satisfaction at her expression. 

He watches her walk away feeling no better than his father, when had he become such a monster and why didn’t it scare him more? 

What did that say about him? 

The sound of the doorbell echoes through the spacious house and she wonders if it’s Sujin, and that mere possibility is enough to make her race to the door before her husband can make his way from his seclusion in his study. Most day he didn’t even bother coming out and when he did he didn’t even acknowledge her, it was heaven but it also left her guarded waiting from him to explode and hit her. It was like living in a landmine, she walked lightly as to not be heard. 

The face on the other side of the door completely shocks her. 

Lee Joo-Hun stands there, looking determined and she stares blankly at him. It has been months since their families have shared a meal together, she saw his visible discomfort every time her husband would berate her or Sujin. Many people showed discomfort but few did anything to help them, it was human nature after all. 

Better you than me. 

She forces a brittle smile to form on her face. Playing the role of happy wife easily, its a role she has been cultivating for years. 

“Oh. I didn’t know you had plans with my husband today. Come on in.” She notices that there is a certain unexplained tension in his shoulders but after only a moment’s pause he nods before stepping over the threshold, slipping off his expensive loafers and not bothering to put on the slippers they have placed for guest. Maybe he doesn’t plan to stay for long. 

“I’ll go get him,” she says softly wanting to do nothing of the sort, she has not been on his radar as of late and she had every intention to keep things that way but she can’t show this to their guest. Her husband would be livid if she did anything to harm his relationship with someone he saw as a beneficial business partner. She’s unprepared for the hand that stops her, tight around her wrist she has to force herself not to flinch at the sudden touch. 

When she looks back, his eyes are wide and they penetrate through her and she snatches her hand back a fear rippling through her at his stare, he’s looking right through her like she’s made of glass. 

“Sorry,” he apologizes and she smiles nervously waving him off, “I was just surprised you didn’t do anything wrong.” But he’s peering at her like he knows everything racing through her mind and she has to glance away, it’s all a bit too much and suddenly the study door opens and all the air is siphoned from the room as her husband exits the room, his face changing quickly when he notices that they have a guest, she knows that the rage that first appeared will make return once they are alone again. 

“Why didn’t you tell me that we had a guest?” The inquiry is said innocuously enough, he has long mastered repressing his rage in front of others but she can see the anger in his brows. 

Before she can answer, Joo-hun stands between them blocking her completely from her husband’s gaze. 

“Let’s talk.” Her husband raises a brow at the commanding tone and she can read him as easily as a book, he’s furious at being spoken to in such a tone but the other man doesn’t give him an opportunity to disobey because he’s already walking into the study. Her husband glares at her as if she is to blame before disappearing into the room and shutting the door in her face. 

Without a conscious thought she presses her ear against the door but the wood is solid and she can barely hear anything and she leans back about to admit defeat but then the voices raise becoming progressively louder and she hears her husband shout, tone bristling with fury, “How dare you threaten me in my own home!” and the loud booming voice of Joo-hun rings out, “You disgust me and I will do everything imaginable to make sure you end up where you belong.”

The temperature drops at those chilling words and she takes a step back at the sound of movement behind the door, once again coming face to face with the man.

His expression softens when he sees her but she can still see a glint of hardness beneath the surface. He had expressive eyes, they were part of the reason he had been such a celebrated actor. 

He knows. 

She’s certain now, he knows what a monster she is. 

If her husband deserves to suffer then so does she for everything she has done to her poor little girl, she was just as culpable if not more. If only she hadn’t been a coward and left when he first started hitting her, if only she had gone through with the abortion. She had selfishly brought a child into this world knowing that their life would be hell just like hers because she was scared to be alone. She wasn’t a mother, she wasn’t even fit to be called a human at this point and the look he gives her makes her feel like scum on the bottom of his shoe. 

“I’m leaving.” He announces walking back over to his shoes, and she had been right he wasn’t planning on staying long. 

A loud bang suddenly fills the empty void, her husbands scream are not too far behind as he flings books and whatever he can get his hands on into the walls. 

She knows what fate awaits her tonight. 

This is her punishment and it’s exactly what a stain like her deserves. 

She stares absently at the ground, the sound of the door knob turning reaching her ears and she knows that she’s going to be alone again. The door opens and she sighs, waiting to hear the door close knowing that in seconds she will be a whimpering mess on the ground. 

But the sound never comes, and she looks up to see what’s stopping him and his eyes are still hard but not as sharp. 

“Come with me.” 

She hears the word but the sentence does not compute and it takes a moment for her to process what he just said, her mind tells her that surely she heard him wrong. There’s no way he said what she thought he said. 

But then he reaches out a hand and she stares at his palm. 

“Why would you want to help me? I’m not a victim. I knew what he was doing, I knew everything and I did nothing. I am just as bad as him. She hates me too. I didn’t protect her.” 

It’s the truth, she lost the right of calling herself a victim as she watched her husband step on her seven year old daughter and her first thought was thank goodness it’s not me. That was the day the light left Sujin’s eyes but hope didn’t fade completely not yet, but each time her father hit her those huge eyes would look her way and each time her heart constricted but helplessness stopped her from acting. It took years but all that youthful hope was extinguished and she never heard that word again, “mother” it seemed fitting since she had never been a mother to the girl. 

“I don’t understand why you did what you did. But it’s not my place to judge, despite what you think you are a victim and I am done turning a blind eye. Staying here won’t help Sujin, she needs her mother.” 

Sujin needs her? That sounds laughable but then a distant conversation resurfaces in her memory and she feels frustrated tears welling in her eyes. 

“What does it mean to be a mother? I can’t answer that question for you but the fact that you’re asking that means you want to try, so do that. Try your best and apologize when you’re wrong. That’s all mothers can do.” 

The woman looked so fragile laying in the hospital bed but the strength of her words were undeniable, she didn’t know what made her visit she knew if her husband caught her there would be retribution but she couldn’t stay away. She didn’t even have an excuse and they simply stared at each other before the other woman smiled at her and motioned for her to sit on the chair, she had done so without question. 

There were flowers all over the room, both fresh and old. 

“Someone must really love you.” She had said and she watched jealously as a maternal smile graced her face, she could almost feel the motherly pride. 

“Sometimes my son gets carried away.” 

The boy on the motorcycle, she had thought he was just a delinquent but the amount of flowers in the room said otherwise.

That was ultimately what pushed her to ask the silly question: what does it mean to be a mother? 

She had never known, her own mother had treated her like a bargaining chip that would lead to the betterment of her own life, naming her fortune only to force her to have anything but that in her life. 

The woman had smiled delicately before answering her. 

The words swirled around like a tornado in her mind, she hadn’t expected such a simple answer. 

“Are you coming?” Joo-hun’s voice brings her back to reality and she thinks about Sujin and the day she was born and how small and vulnerable she looked laying in her arms as they both cried, wailing their hearts out. 

She hadn’t known what it meant to be a mother back then and she’s no closer to knowing now but she knows that she wants to try, Sujin might never forgive her for what she did and she wouldn’t blame her. But she still wanted to try, even if it took her whole life she would spend it trying to repent for all her sins. 

She takes one small step forward, the shackles that have been tightened around her body her whole life crumbling in the face of her renewed hope.  

I want to try. 

She isn’t wearing his sweater, it’s pitiful but that’s the first thing he notices when he sees Sujin in the morning, she’s walking alone and he can’t stop the joy that shoots through him at the observation it was never easy to see her arrive with the other boy despite knowing the truth. But today the encroacher is nowhere to be seen and he settles the kickstand of his motorcycle before rushing over to her, without thinking he wraps an arm around her shoulder but then he feels her body tighten at the unexpected touch, “Relax, it’s just me,” he whispers airily but to his disappointment her body becomes more rigid at his words. 

He immediately removes his arm, moving out of her personal space- not understanding what exactly is going on but still not wanting to be the source of her discomfort. 

He shifts apprehensively, already wrecking his brain to think of what he might have done to warrant such a bitter cold reception from her but coming up emptyhanded. So instead of trying to guess and create his own reasons, he asks her, “Are you okay? Did I do something?” 

He can tell she’s going to lie before she even opens her mouth, he watches the swarm of emotions play across her face before she settles on nonchalance, “No. I’m fine, you surprised me. I don’t want to upset your fangirls so I think it’s best if we avoid each other at school.” He stares at her in shock, wondering if this is the same girl who he held on the bench just days ago her lips soft on his cheek and her perfume filling his senses? 

“I already told you I don’t care about them. You already know that I only care about yo-” 

“Stop. I can’t do this right now I need space, I have to go.” She interrupts him and after a long gaze she stalks away and he wants to follow her, nothing she’s doing is making any sense not after everything they’ve been through. He’d given her everything he could offer and it still wasn’t enough, she was still walking away and he was tired of chasing her, if it was that easy to walk away from him time and time again then maybe he was fighting a losing battle. 

He turns around, walking the other direction. 

He misses the dark eyes that follow him over a small shoulder. He doesn’t look back. This time he chooses self-preservation. 

He doesn’t go to lunch, unable to bear the thought of sitting across from Sujin and pretending that he’s okay when he feels like a hollow fruit. So he escapes to the roof top and instant regret fills him as he remembers all those months ago when he had held the other on this very roof, it had been so different from their hug at the hospital and the hug in the rain. Those hugs were filled with what he thought was affection, but now he doesn’t really know. He can’t understand why she’s suddenly pushing him away again when he thought they had overcome all the barriers between them. 

Was it because of her father? Had she only kept him by her side because he had helped her but now that Suho and his father were on her side she realized that she no longer needed him? It pains him to imagine that this could be true but the thought rolls around in his thoughts until he starts to believe it, that has to be it. Was he that expendable to her? 

Clearly the answer was, yes. 

The rooftop door suddenly bangs open and he hates his heart for speeding up, as he turns around piteously hoping to see her. HIs heart plummets when he’s greeted by a smiling face that’s nowhere as beautiful as the one he hoped to see, he tries futilely to hide his disappointment with a smirk. 

He recognizes the girl as one of the people who have confessed to him in the past months, she wasn’t as nervous as the others but it had taken her a few minutes to stutter the words out and he had gently turned her down, he wasn’t cruel because he knew how terrifying it was liking someone and not knowing if it was reciprocated. 

She shuffles anxiously on her feet and he wonders how she knew he was up here. Sometimes the girls at school made him uneasy, their fixation with him wasn’t normal. 

He watches at she inhales deeply before looking at him with an unwavering gaze. 

“I know that you said that you liked someone else and I respect that. But I haven’t seen you dating anyone and I just like you so much you’re all I can think about and .....Cantyoujustgivemeachanceifshedoesntlikeyouback?” 

It takes an extra moment to decipher what she said with the rapid speed that she expels the words and he stares at her, her breathe coming out in short winded puffs like she just ran a marathon. 

He steps forward purposely, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder before answering her, thoughts of Sujin’s sudden rejection permeating his mind. 

She walks away stunned by his reply and he doesn’t go down until the bell rings, he still isn’t prepared to be in the same room as Sujin but he can’t avoid her forever. 

The classroom is abuzz, he can hear excited voices as he walks down the hallway and he wonders what bit of gossip has their attention now, he slides the door open only to feel all eyes land on him. The class goes silent before suddenly he’s being bombarded with questions. 

“Is it true?” 

“Why her? I liked you before she did.” 

“Are you finally going to get a girlfriend? It’s not fair you shouldn’t only date one person oppa.” 

He ignores them all sliding into his seat and dropping his head onto the table, when they realize that he has no plans of answering their invasive prompts they go back to gossiping about him as if he’s not sitting right there. 

He rubs his temple, trying to stop the head ache he can feel forming but he knows that it’s already too late. 

The energy shifts in the room and without looking up he already knows why, he can hear the telltale clicks of her shoes on the floor. 

He hears Su-ah’s voice shortly after, “What are you all so excited about? Did something happen?” 

It’s vindictive but he wants them to hear the gossip so he finally looks up, eyes settled on Sujin who is already looking at him.

“Oh! Su-ah it’s the saddest news, Han Seojun is getting a girlfriend. He finally accepted a confession.” A girl whose name he doesn’t know wails as if her life is over and he watches the confusion morph on Su-ah’s face before he glances over at Sujin and she looks devastated and it suddenly he feels sick instead, what is he doing finding enjoyment in this? 

He can’t hold her gaze, he doesn’t know what the look on her face means and he doesn’t want to analyze it, he’s done doing this.   

“It’s just rumors.” Su-ah repeats this over and over like a mantra, but she can’t hear a word that the other girl is saying all she can think about is Seojun with someone else. She imagines him smiling and holding someone else, cradling their cheek as he kisses their forehead and wrapping them in his too big sweater while beaming down at them and it makes her rush to the bathroom, water scalding her hands before she can even think about what she’s doing. 

“Sujin no!” Jukyeong snatches her hand away from the too hot water and she only fights her for a moment before lets herself be pulled away, losing all her fight. 

“Calm down Sujin, talk to us. What happened between you two?” Su-ah asks firmly and gently and she can’t stop the diarrhea of words that explode from her mouth as she tells them everything, Baekyung and how much his words stuck in her mind and her doubts about Seojun and whether she could truly be loved by anyone much less someone as coveted as him. What right did she have to drag him down? 

He might like her now, think that he was aiding someone helpless but was that all this was? Was she just something to soothe his ego? 

“Do you really feel that way?”

She jumps at the harshness in Jukyeong’s tone, she has never heard the other girl talk like this before. She has never been anything but kind when speaking to her, the tone makes her head spin. 

“What?” She replies at a loss for words. 

“Do you really think that’s true? Do you believe the words you are saying right now?” Jukyeong presses harder and she stalls at her interrogation, not knowing what she thinks anymore she can barely trust her emotions- they change too quickly without her permission or consent. It makes her miss the days when she felt nothing, numbness overwriting all these pesky feelings. 

“I...I...I don’t know.” 

The silence drags on before she hears Jukyeong sigh heavily, “Then I think you should let him go.”

It’s the last thing she expects to hear especially from the ever optimistic girl and acid runs through her body at the mere suggestion. 

“What do you mean?”

“This isn’t fair Sujin, you can’t play with someone like this. You can’t push him away and then get jealous when someone else shows interest, he’s not some toy that you can pick up whenever you see fit. He is a person, who really cares about you. If you still don’t know what you feel for him then maybe it’s best to let him go.” 

She turns to look at Su-ah hopeful that the other girl will say the opposite, will implore her to fight for Seojun. She’s crushed when she sees a similar look on Su-ah’s face. It’s a mix of exasperation and pity, she hates it. 

They both think that she should let Seojun go. 

She leaves the bathroom with nothing in her mind, walking aimlessly back to class taking her seat and robotically pulling out her notebook. She doesn’t hear one word that the teacher says for the rest of the time, her heartbeat wildly thumping in her chest. 

When class ends it takes Su-ah calling her name a few times to break her from her stupor. 

“It’s time to go home.” 

“Oh.” She starts to put her books away in her bag, dropping one when Seojun walks past her table without a sideways glance, it’s like they are strangers again and that makes her want to scream because this was all her fault. 

“Wait.” 

She can’t bring herself to speak the word aloud and he leaves, walking away from her just like she had this very morning. 

He’s already speeding off on his motorcycle when she gets outside and she sees a girl beaming at his back, surrounded by a group of girls who are congratulating her and telling her how jealous they are. 

That must be her, the lucky girl. 

The one that had replaced her so easily. She stomps away ignoring Su-ah and Jukyeong’s cries of her name. She knows she has no right, none at all but she does it anyway she has to know if this is really the end. 

That’s how she finds herself outside of his apartment, staring at his motorcycle the proof that he is here and not out with the girl from school, it makes the unease in her stomach unfurl slightly. Staring up at the looming building she tries to think of what she can say to him, she should listen to Jukyeong what she was doing wasn’t fair but she can’t lose him, she had undid all the good in one fleeting moment because she didn’t trust them. Baekyung had said the words but she was the one who chose to believe them, the one that let those words wedge a divide between them and for that she was solely to blame. 

Saying sorry wouldn’t nearly be enough, but that’s all she can think of as she pushes the door open and calls for the elevator. 

The ride has never felt that long all the other times she has visited his apartment, but today it feels like an eternity but when she reaches his floor it feels too soon and she’s not ready. 

Which is exactly why the universe gives her no warning and as the doors open she meets his eyes, he looks notably surprised to see her there and takes a step back in his shock. 

Once she recovers from her own shock, she takes in his attire he’s no longer wearing his uniform- dressed in all black from head to toe like a grim reaper and she wonders if grim reapers are supposed to be that hot, absently she steps out of the elevator before the doors can close between them. Her tongue feels huge in her mouth as she openly gapes at him. 

“What are you doing here?”

“Where are you going?”

Their questions collide and his gaze sharpens once he processes her words, she knows she has no right to question him about anything and his cold look echoes that very sentiment. 

He scoffs at her and tries to circumvent around her and she feels the floodgates opening up in the face of his blatant disregard, “I know you’re tired of hearing this but I’m sorry.” 

His expression barely changes, as he folds his arms peering down at her. 

“Okay.” 

He tries to walk around her once more and this time she’s the one to invade his personal space, gripping his elbow to stop him from walking away from her. She has an irrational fear that if he walks away that this will be her last chance, it makes her let down her guard fully terrified she’ll never get another opportunity. 

“I was scared, that once you realized that I was always going to be this broken you wouldn’t want me anymore. Even if he goes to jail I’m always going to be like this, a broken fucking mess and how can I ask anyone else to deal with that? How can I ask you to give up on having a normal relationship with someone who won’t need therapy for the rest of their lives? I should give you up, everyone is right. I don’t deserve you. I don’t.” 

Despite her rapid blinking a few stray tears escape her tight hold and she watches the wall he put up around his heart gradually start to stilt away as his eyes opens up in the face of her palpable dismay. 

“Sujin.”

“Please let me finish, if I don’t say it now I’m scared I never will.”

He stares at her before nodding slowly. 

She takes a deep breathe before continuing, “I’m not good girlfriend material, no don’t argue I’m not. I will doubt us all the time and I won’t always talk to you about my feelings because I’ve spent so many years ignoring them, I only spoke to you last time because it involved your family. I knew I couldn’t keep that from you but this didn’t seem as important. I should be able to handle it on my own, I’m not a baby. I’m too impulsive and selfish and a coward and....I shouldn’t burden anyone with dating me.”

It looks like it’s taking everything in him not to rebuttal, because when it really matters he always listens to her. 

“I know that I haven’t made this easy on you and I should have just let things be-let you be with someone normal, but I can’t and I know why, I’ve always known why but I was too scared to admit it. I can’t just be friends with you anymore.....I want more.” 

She can’t believe it but the words are now out in the universe, the ones that she has been thinking for months and swallowing every time he showed her how much he cared about her, and he looks taken back by her confession, she hadn’t planned on saying that when she showed up but now it feels stupid to keep it to herself, if she’s going to lose him then she might as well be honest, at least once in her life. 

“Can I speak now?” 

She doesn’t know if she’s ready to hear what he has to say, but it’s only right since he listened to her, taking a centering breathe she nods at his inquiry preparing herself for the worst. 

“You are selfish.” 

Her heart sinks at his words, that isn’t a good start and even though he is merely echoing her words it burns deeper to hear them from him. 

“And impulsive and so damn confusing, you’re hot and then you’re so damn cold and I’m only human Sujin I can’t just pick myself up after you push me away every time, I get hurt too.”

She tries not to bristle at his tone and the lack of nicknames, feeling her heart sink into her stomach now. 

“When that girl confessed to be do you want to know what I thought?” 

She blinks at the sudden change in topic and her immediate answer is no, she does not want to know at all but he doesn’t even give her a moment to reply before he’s answering his own question. 

“I thought she is so straightforward and this is so different, I don’t have to guess about her feelings she wears them on her sleeve, this is so much easier being with her would be so much easier.” 

Her first real confession and rejection all in one day. She has always been an overachiever and it’s only fitting that this would be no different, blinking harshly she forces the tears to stop she has no right to make him feel guilty, everything he said was right and she couldn’t blame him for choosing the path of least resistance. 

“Thank you. For everything, I really mean it.” She bows at him before turning around, she can’t stay here for another minute not knowing that he’s no longer hers and probably never was in the first place. 

It’s all too cruel. 

She presses the button, she should just take the stairs but this will buy her a few extra minutes with him, it’s pitiable but she wants to savor every remaining moments. 

The elevator arrives, gleaming metal doors sliding open and she steps inside ready to go home and cry her eyes out. 

But then a large hands wraps around her wrist and she’s suddenly tugged backwards her back slamming into his chest. 

“Where are you going? Did I say I was finished?” His voice is rough in her ears and she can feel the rapid beat of his heart through his skin, it amps up her own racing heart too scared to even hope but she feels brittle and unsteady his body is the only thing keeping her upright. 

“Dating someone else would be easier, but the thing is I don’t want easy. I’ve never wanted easy, I just wanted you in anyway that I could have you. So why are you trying to “set me free”? Fuck that self sacrificing bullshit, you said it yourself you’re selfish so hold on to me and don’t let me go, when you have doubts hold on to me tighter. I’m not some caged bird that you’ve imprisoned, I’m the guy who likes you and that’s not going to change because you pushed me away. Do you feel feel that? That’s fear. You’re scared to lose me. Good, remember this feeling and how much it makes your heart ache and hold on to me tighter.”

She hiccups at his words, tears pouring down her cheeks now and she finds herself turning in his arms before her brain can catch up, relief washing over her so profoundly she sways a little on her feet. 

He has a shit eating grinning on his face as he stares down at her. 

“You didn’t accept her confession.”

He rolls his eyes at the statement, pulling her closer although there is no space left between them. 

“No I turned her down again but some girls saw us come from the roof top together and they started spreading rumors anyway and I couldn’t be bothered to stop them.” 

She stares unimpressed at him, reading between his lines and feeling foolish because she fell right into his trap. 

“You knew it would make me jealous.” 

He shrugs noncommittedly, “I hoped it would help bring you to your senses.” 

Has she been brought to her senses, she’s not sure she feels crazier than before his words echoing in her brain and she’s moving before she even knows what her intentions are, his smile starts to slip away and he releases her and makes an apprehensive retreat backwards and she automatically follows him, he steps back, she steps forward, another step back and she steps forward again, they do this dance until he’s pressed against the wall with nowhere else to run. 

“Why are you running?” 

He blinks looking dazed and she takes that opportunity to move in closer, cradling his face in her hands before leaning her head forward until only an inch separates them, a scratching noise comes from the wall and when she glances down she can see his nails digging into the paint, she hums at the sight and the implications. 

She was clawing at his resolve.  

Skin vibrating like a livewire she gently pulls him down, until they are eye level and their breaths are curling in the miniscule space between them, those feline eyes are darting all over her face before they land on her lips, she sinks her hands deeper into his hair. 

“Are you sure about this?” 

She has to ask one last time, this all feels like a dream and she’s terrified of waking up and finding that she imagined this all. 

He doesn’t answer at first, too busy staring a hole through her face but she waits patiently, remembering all the times he had waited for her. 

“What?”

“Can I really keep you? Do you really want to be mine?” 

It’s so cheesy and sappy and all kinds of ridiculous, nothing that she ever imagined for herself because she never thought anyone would make her want to say these kind of sweet nothings but here they are- and there’s no turning back now she waits for his reply with bated breath and this time he barely pauses for a second instantly answering, “I’ve been yours this whole time. Are you mine though can you let me in?” 

When you have doubts, hold on to me tighter. 

She drags him the rest of the distance between them, her lips barely grazing his own and it’s crazy because her lips are already on his, soft flesh upon flesh but it takes a moment to realize that she’s actually kissing him, she is kissing Han Seojun. They are kissing. 

She has no idea what she’s doing and she leans onto her tiptoes pressing more firmly against his mouth, imitating the kisses she has seen on tv and from couples in the hallway at school twisting her head to find a better angle but something still feels wrong and it takes another moment to realize what’s wrong. 

He is frozen on the wall, completely still under her ministrations. 

And she immediately pulls away, apologetic and feeling bone deep shame. 

“I’m sorry! I had no right to spring that on you, you barely forgave me and I did that. It won’t happen again, I promise.” 

His eyes are glossy and his cheeks are so red and it’s almost too beautiful to look at, how was she not supposed to kiss him when he was looking like that?

“Don’t apologize, you just made my brain short circuit. Come here.”  

She blushes bright at his too honest admittance, feeling giddy from the power that she seems to have over him. She had been scared that her inexperience would be off-putting for him. 

He tugs her back, letting her body block him in against the wall and she gasps at the warmth of his body he’s so hot even through the layers of clothes separating them. Her breath hitches when he starts to lean back down and this time when their lips meet it feels like the universe has righted itself, the stars and the moon are aligned and something clicks inside her like a gear snapping into its rightful place. 

It’s a simple kiss, a mere press of lips to lips but it is perfect and sweet- nothing like what she imagined because her mind could never fathom something so ideal, the softness of his mouth on hers is enough to make her toes curl and when he wraps his arms around her waist, one hand tight on her back as he eliminates any space between them dragging her impossibly close, she sighs unable to contain her delight as a smile works its way across her lips. He chuckles into the soft press of their first kiss and she can’t help the answering giggle that she lets out, to anyone else they would look deranged but she doesn’t care, this was real. 

He breaks away only to pepper kisses all over her face- first her forehead then her cheeks, her nose and even her chin, all left warm in the wake-  and she blushes under his passionate and diligent attention before grabbing his face and kissing him harder on those plush red lips, hands tight on his hair as she tastes him for the first time. He’s intoxicating and she knows she can never go back to being just friends, not when his flavor is thick on her tongue and she knows what his moans taste like.

Not when his hands are bruising tight on her waist and his scent is coiling around her like a blanket that she never wants to be without. 

She was allowed to have this and she would relish every minute. 

He sits awkwardly on the couch with the woman he has only ever seen a handful of times, when his father had called him and asked for a favor he had never expected this. He had been completely flabbergasted to see the woman on his doorstep but stepped back to give her entrance, nonetheless. 

He knew that his father meant well, was hoping that the two would be able to reconcile like they had but he was forgetting how much they fought before getting to where they were now. It had been an arduous path to restoring their broken relationship and he feared that Sujin and her mother had differences that might be irreconcilable . 

She looks like Sujin, just more weathered and beaten down by life in her expensive clothes and jewelry none of it doing anything to hide the sadness that wafts off her in ebbs and waves. He tried calling the other girl several times but to no avail as he reached her voicemail over and over again, he knows that there is no way this can end well but he couldn’t kick the woman out either, not to be with that sadistic bastard. 

“I should go. She won’t be happy to see me.” She states matter of fact and he’s not a good enough liar to try to argue with her so he says nothing at all, staring at the floor in silence. 

Then the jiggle of keys reach his ears and they both sit taller, gazing at each other wild eyed as the door pushes open. 

Sujin looks blindingly happy, a wide smile stretched across her face and he contemplates throwing a blanket over the woman’s head to hide her- just so the girl can enjoy a few more seconds of happiness but it’s already too late, Sujin slips off her shoes putting on her slippers and walking over to him, her eyes are still on the ground and then she finally looks up and all the air is sucked out of the room. 

All of the joy and exuberance that had previously been imbedded in her pores dissipates and he sees a look so numb, it feels like he’s seeing the Sujin from months ago cold and shivering in Seojun’s arm, the one that didn’t want to live and saw her life as expendable. 

He wonders if he did the right thing? Would she ever forgive him for this? 

She doesn’t say a word, throwing the keys on the table and sprinting back to her shoes, haphazardly stuffing her feet back into them and shooting him one final look of betrayal that makes his blood turn to ice before she slams the door behind her, the sound so powerful the walls vibrate. 

“She hates me.” 

From that look on her face, her mother wasn’t the only one. 

[hoggyywarts]

TWO OBLIVIOUS IDIOTS (pls head the tags on ao3)

Vote for Jegulus or Jily in the comments

also pls teach me how to do the read more line

Chapter 1: What a fucking mess!

Remus knew he had to find a way to get over his stupid crush on Sirius, considering it had gone on far too long, and Pads was never going to like him the way that Remus wanted him to. And, really, it was okay. If he were Sirius, he wouldn't want to date him either, with his furry little problem (not to mention his anxiety). But he knew he had to do something before he embarrassed himself in front of Sirius and lost all his friends. It was a wonder he even had them to begin with. It only dawned on him after Justin had asked him to go to Hogsmeade together that exploring other people would be an excellent idea to get over the beautiful raven-haired boy that was constantly near him. He couldn't just tell Sirus to leave him alone with his internal struggle, but sometimes he kind of wanted to. Other times, he wanted to constantly be near his best friend, hoping that he might reciprocate his feelings. Drawing him out of his musings, Justin poked his arm with his quill.

"Earth to Remusss," he said jokingly, laughing as Remus startled and fell out of his seat. "What'd you get for question four?" A furrow grew between Justin's eyebrows as he pondered the possible response to the undoubtedly.

Remus jokingly slapped Justin on the arm as he laughed through, " Not funny."

"Then why are you laughing?"

Remus pouted from the floor and exclaimed, "Be nice, or I won't let you look at my paper, and you're going to have to figure out the side effects of Veritaserum all on your own" Justin threw his hands up in defeat before offering his hand to help Remus up. Soon their heads were bowed together, diligently working on their homework with the occasional flirtatious remark from Justin, a blooming blush on the cheeks of Remus, a scowl from Sirius, and an elbow bump from Lily, who was sitting next to Sirius.

"Stop scowling; you're going to get wrinkles. Also, Jealousy is not a good look on you" Lily followed her words with a pointed look (eerily resembling McGonagall when Sirius knew he was in trouble).

Smoothing his face out, " I'm not scowling, and I'm definitely Not, erm, Jealous. I'm just, erm, concerned for Moony."

Lily raised her eyebrows, "Right..."

"We don't even know the guy! For all, we know he could be some serial killer who is out to get poor Moony. You know they are charming, right?"

Lily groaned, "Just admit you're jealous."

Sirius's face dropped as his eyes slid over to where Justin ruffled Remus's hair. His Moony liked Justin, and he didn't like him. Sirius didn't put that blush on his face; Justin did. Hell, he was jealous. He abruptly picked up his books, and with a huff, he sped out of the library, Lily quick at his heels.

"Sirus- Sirius! Slow the fuck down! I'm sorry I didn't know it would upset you that much."

Sirus stopped and turned around, waiting for Lily to catch up, and frankly, catch her breath. "No, I know, you're right. I'm just mad and jealous. Stupid Justin!"

Lily sighed and ran her hand through her long auburn hair, "Listen, I know Sirius, but don't make Re feel bad about this. If you love him, you should support his happiness whether it is with you or someone else. Got it?"

"Okay, I love Moony and want him to be happy. Listen, Evans, I'll see you tomorrow; I'm kind of tired," and with that, he waved Lily off, heading in the direction of his dorms.

what a fucking mess

Chapter 2: Not the way I want

Sirius slumped as soon as he waved Lily off and slowly trudged towards his dorms. His shoulders dropped even lower as soon as he dejectedly closed the door. He knew that Lily was right. Sulking around filled with anger would only push Remus away. But, also, who even was this Justin guy? The only thing Sirius knew was that the hat sorted him into Ravenclaw. Perfect for his smart Moony, he thought bitterly.

James burst into the dorm with vivacity screaming while twirling his tie in the air like a lasso, "GUESS WHO JUST GOT A DATE!!!!"

His erratic gaze found Sirius's sorrowful grey eyes, and his mouth made an involuntary oh shape of realization as his best friend's feelings towards the werewolf dawned on him. Although Lily often called James dense, James knew Sirius after everything they had been through together. And right now, he knew Sirius was going through inner turmoil, and he would have done something. Or rather, he was going to do something. But a blushing Moony was behind him, and he couldn't concern Moony the day before his date. He felt for Sirius, after all, who knew better but him what it felt like to see the one you love with someone else; however, he also knew that his best friend Moony deserved to be happy, and if he was in love with Justin, then that was that. Although in his humble opinion, Sirius was much hotter. Also, who was this Justin anyway?

"Moony did," Sirius spoke ever so quietly. James had to strain to listen to him while Remus only did due to his heightened werewolf hearing.

The furrow that Remus always got while studying grew between appeared between his eyebrows, "You okay, Pads?"

Sirius clapped his hands together and tried to pull himself together, throwing his brightest and widest (and hopefully not noticeably fake smile) towards Remus. "Of course! Now Moony-mine, what are you going to wear to this date of yours? Don't you worry. I've got it covered!" And with that, Sirius fled towards Moony's closet, pulling out clothes and frowning at some while nodding at the others. Unbeknownst to the two, he had his back towards; tears were prickling his eyes as he furiously tried to contain them.

98, 91, 84, 77, 70, 63. Counting down by sevens always helped him calm down, and by the time Remus approached his dramatics, his tears were just barely contained. At least they were contained enough to hold clothes up to his Moony to decide what he would wear (it was a hard task, as everything looked good on Moony).

Whatever bullshit Sirius was trying to pull, James knew better. He definitely liked Remus. And he most certainly knew Sirius was gonna sob himself to sleep.

Remus felt his heart swoop at Sirius' nickname. Moony-mine- ugh, I wish. He wondered what was wrong with Sirius as he sounded somewhat down, although his mood sure did seem to swoop for the better once he thought of the date Remus had. Maybe he got a letter from that dreadful family of his. Just as quickly as his stomach had swooped, he felt a sharp drop. The kind you get going down roller coasters. If Sirius liked him, he surely wouldn't be holding up clothes to Remus with glee.

"Moons..."

"Hmm."

"You zoned out for a second. I picked out that green sweater. It looks perfect on you," Sirius finished softly.

"Thanks, Pads. What would I do without you" Remus spoke as he pulled his best friend (ugh) into a hug. He felt Sirius's arms snake around his shoulders and gently rub circles on his back. He sighed in comfort until Sirius pulled away.

"Love you, night Moons."

(not the way I want)

"Night, Pads, love you."

(not the way I want)

That night when Sirius sobbed into James' shoulder, the only thing James could do was wrap his arms around him, put a silencing charm up, and gently whisper, "it's okay," which only prompted Sirius to sob harder until he fell asleep.

That night Remus silently sobbed as he tossed and turned until he fell asleep, wishful thinking turning into pleasant dreams of a dark-haired best friend turned boyfriend.

[quiteanabyss]

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Can you share your most memorable holidays with Kylo, Charlie and Sackler? Thank you

How would Kylo or Charlie handle Christmas in isolation with just you. - Anon

Merry Christmas!  I hope you’re having as lovely a day as is possible in the current circumstances!

Thank you for this Ask.  After some thought, I combined it with another, which I hope is okay for the both of you.

This features HC’s of a socially distanced Christmas with Kylo, some sweet Charlie and Henry, and ... the “Touch” series holiday special.

TW: The second story has a reference to an age gap, and the third contains some smut (because Sackler).

Kylo - A very social(ly distanced) Christmas

This is your third Christmas with Kylo.

Your first was spent with your family.  It had still been early days in your relationship, but in spite of some worries, they had easily welcomed him into the fold.  (Your parents were probably just glad you were finally dating someone.)

Your second was spent with his family, after many months spent encouraging him to reach out and reconcile with them like you knew he wanted to, but would never admit.  You had begged, bargained and blackmailed your boss for the time off over the holidays, and travelled all the way to the States with him to witness a family reunion that was twenty years in the making.  It was worth it.

Your third Christmas is different.  Thanks to the pandemic, travel to the States is out of the question.  Even driving a couple of hours up the road to see your parents is forbidden, thanks to the government’s last-minute decision the weekend before Christmas.  So the two of you are spending Christmas alone together.

But between phone calls and Zoom calls with family and friends, you don’t actually manage to have a minute to yourselves until the evening, once “dinner with the family” (a very strange setup using both of your laptops) is done, and the pans and dishes have been washed or abandoned in the sink to soak until either of you can be bothered to deal with them.

Even though it’s just been the two of you in the apartment all day, the space has been filled with voices and laughter of friends and loved ones almost the entire time.  Only now that the calls are done do you actually have space to appreciate the silence that falls between you as you flop down on the couch next to him, and he throws his arm around your shoulder, pulling you close.

“Thank fuck that’s over,” he grumbles eventually, his deep voice breaking the stillness of the room.  “And to think you were worried today was going to be too quiet.  Jesus, I’m exhausted.”

He enjoyed it, really.  You know this.  He knows you know this.  But he’ll never admit it.  And that’s okay.  You love your grumpy man just as he is.

“Poor baby,” you murmur, causing him to glare at you.  “You’re probably much too tired for one more present.”

"What present?” he asks, in a would-be casual voice.  Trying to sound as disinterested as possible.

Smiling, you toy with the top button on your blouse.  That gets his attention.  “You’ll have to unwrap it to find out,” you say.  “But that’s probably too much for you seeing as you’ve had such a hard day.”

But it turns out he isn’t at all as exhausted as he’d claimed.

And he loves his final present.

Charlie - A family Christmas

Charlie was upfront about it right from the start.  He and Henry were a package deal.  Love me, love my son.

That’s why it took so long for things to really get going between the two of you.  He didn’t want to introduce you to Henry, only to have you fade out of his life a few months later when you inevitably got fed up of the tedious responsibility of, effectively, parenting another woman’s kid.

The age gap didn’t help, either.  You were at a stage in your life where you should be figuring out what you want to do with your life, partying with friends, without a care in the world.  Not settling down with someone who has already quite thoroughly fucked his life up, and has the baggage to prove it.

It took you a good six months to convince him that you understood all his worries and concerns, and you simply didn’t care.  There were heated discussions, tears from both of you, and a breakup that lasted all of a week ... until Charlie finally came to his senses and realized that he could trust you.

So it means a lot that you’re finally here.  Your first Christmas together with Charlie and Henry.

You and Charlie are exhausted.  Henry woke you up at the ungodly hour of half past four to open his presents, and is showing no sign of flagging.  Meanwhile, the two of you are on your third cup of coffee each, and it isn’t even time to have lunch yet.  But Henry is having a great time with his new toys, and Charlie’s arm is warm and reassuring around you as you both stand in the doorway to the living room, looking at the mess of wrapping paper with a mixture of despair and amusement.

Charlie leans in, nuzzles his nose against the side of your face, before kissing your cheek.  “You still sure about this?” he asks, gesturing at the chaos before you both.  “This is what it’s like.”

“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life,” you tell him.  There’s more you want to say, but at that moment Henry calls for both of you, demanding you come and help him begin assembling one of his new Lego sets.  

You’ll tell Charlie later, you decide, as you settle down on the floor and pull the instructions out of the box.  You’ll tell him how happy you are.  How lucky you feel to have been invited into their lives.  

He and Henry are a package deal, and you love them both.

Sackler - July in Christmas

“Why the fuck is the apartment so warm?” you demand, when you arrive home after your shift on Christmas Eve.  Some jackass in a ten grand coat told you that you ruined Christmas for his entire family because the product his wife wanted was out of stock, so you might be feeling a little bit Grinchy this evening.

Adam doesn’t have a straight answer for you.  He also insists that you stay out of the living room, so after your shower he makes you eat dinner in the bedroom.  It’s all very suspicious.

“I feel like I’m a prisoner,” you comment, after he accompanies you to the bathroom in case you look in the living room.  “I didn’t do it, officer, I swear!” you call through the door, while you pee.  Then you brush your teeth, remove your contacts, and run through your skincare routine.  If you take much longer than usual, it’s just because you’re being thorough.  Not because you’re trying to annoy him.

You emerge from the bathroom a good fifteen minutes later, to find him still standing there, looking pissed off.  You give him a shit-eating grin.  He grabs you, turns you around, and pushes you against the wall.  “You’re under arrest for taking too long in the bathroom,” he says, his breath hot in your ear as he grinds against you.  “Spread ‘em.”

You sleep very well that night.

Christmas morning dawns.  Outside it’s snowing, but inside your apartment it feels hotter than the summer your family went to Vegas.  You wake up from a very pleasant dream to find that it was not, in fact, a dream.  Adam’s face is buried between your legs, his nose nudging at your clit as his tongue works its way inside you.  You curl your fingers in his hair, and he hums in response, sending a pleasant shockwave of shivers through you, but he only looks up once you’ve cum for the third time.  “I need you to stay in here for, like, one more hour,” he says, by way of a greeting.

“Is that why you woke me up like this?” you ask, covering your face with your hands.  “To ensure my compliance?”

“It’ll be worth it, I promise,” he says, rolling off the bed, and stretching.  “You’re going to love it.”

“Ugh,” you say.  And then you roll over, and go back to sleep.

When you wake up again, it’s because Adam is basically sitting on top of you.  “It’s ready,” he says.  “You just need to put this on first.”  And he hands you -

“A bikini?” you say, bewildered, when you unroll the bundle he handed you.  “What the - why?”  Then, you notice that he’s wearing what are possibly the ugliest pair of floral swimming shorts you’ve ever seen in your life.  “Seriously Adam, what the fuck is going on?  It’s Christmas Day, it’s blizzarding outside, and you’re handing me swimwear?”

“Yeah,” he says, like it’s a no-brainer.  “Put it on.”

Grumbling, you crawl out of bed, and get dressed as requested.  It fits, but coverage is minimal, and you guess that’ s probably the point.  He stares at you with a huge grin on his face the entire time, like the massive perv he is.  And as soon as you’re ready, he drags you out of the bedroom and down the hallway.

Outside of the living room, he pauses and turns to you.  “I know we’re not doing gifts this year because we’re trying to save money,” he says.  Which is true.  This apartment is too small for the two of you.  You’ve both mentioned that it would be nice to move somewhere with a second bedroom, although neither of you have yet mentioned why you feel that way.  “And I know we’re both kind of like fuck Christmas.  But you’ve been working so hard these past few months.  And I thought ... you deserve a holiday.  So, I did a thing.”

Without further ado, he opens the door into your living room, and pushes you inside.

Your mouth falls open.  The room has been transformed.  The sofa has been pushed back against the wall and the armchairs and coffee table have completely disappeared.  In their place are a couple of sunloungers with beach towels on them, a little table between them covered in your favourite drinks and snacks, and even a couple of mini palm trees in pots.

But most incredible of all ... there’s a freaking paddling pool, which looks big enough for the both of you to fit in it.

You know he’s looking at you, waiting for your reaction.  But you don’t know what to think, or do, or say.  So you just stand there like a moron, staring at the scene, and opening and closing your mouth like a fish.

“Is it ok?” he asks, eventually.  “You aren’t mad that I fucked up our living room, are you?”

All you can do is shake your head.

“Do you like it?”

You nod.  And because you can’t say anything, you throw your arms around his middle.  Hopefully that’s enough of an answer, because it’s all you can manage right now.

How the fuck did you manage to get so lucky?  Adam gets it.  He just gets you.  He’s the first person who’s ever bothered to take the time to try to figure you out, so he’s the first person you’ve ever begun to open up to.  And this right here?  Is the most thoughtful, ridiculous, best gift you’ve ever been given.

Adam wraps his arms around you too, and squeezes you so tightly you can feel your ribs creaking.  “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he says, and he begins to rock you gently as you start to cry big, fat, happy tears.  “You’re perfect, you know that?  And I really fucking love you.”

You’re not perfect.  Just like he’s not perfect, and this setup isn’t perfect.  (How the hell are you going to get all that water out of the pool when you’re done?)

But this moment is perfect.  

And god.  God.  You really fucking love him, too.

[wildcreationmagic]

Nozel x Oc Ophelia

Chapter 5:  Lion’s Den and Eagle’s Nest

Ophelia is pushed to her limits both physically and mentally during her time with the two Royal Captain’s and their squads while also trying to balance the toll of everything thrust upon her these past two weeks.

Once a few feet from one another both Ophelia and Captain Vermillion stop as she could feel the nerves jittering all around her body. “Hello Captain Vermillion.” 

Staring down at her the serious expression on his face doesn’t help her nervousness, but soon enough his brows turn up with a smile. “Hello Ophelia, glad to see you’re up so early. Although I shouldn’t be surprised with your upbringing after all.” 

With his face relaxed and friendly as her own changes giving a modest nod in response. “Ah yes, I guess so. I take it the Crimson Lions have been up for a while as well?” 

“Indeed we have. Those who aren’t on missions are training- come. I’ll show you around.” Turning on his heel Fuegoleon’s long legs carry him a fair distance in only a few steps as Ophelia rushes to catch up.

Entering the base is fairly intimidating as the entry is also to the Vermillion residence. Through a large iron gate and a luscious courtyard as they approach the front doors. Thinking about it, the fact they are so close to the King’s castle isn’t surprising. After all the Vermillion's are one of the royal families.

Touring the squad base Fuegoleon tells her how the squad was founded and the basic principles it created for the members to embody.  Walking down the halls Ophelia glances at Fuegoleon as he speaks, even if he goes on for some time it is hard to not pay attention with the commanding boom of his voice. Since she has been quiet so long his eyes glance over to her small frame beside his own. “Do you have any questions so far Ophelia?”

“No, Sir. I’m trying to take all of this in. I still can’t believe I’m here actually.” Giving a nervous smile she is met with kind and understanding eyes as his lips turn up.

“Of course. Let me know if you need something clarified.” 

Continuing down the halls of the base Ophelia can’t help but glance back hearing the padding of rapidly approaching footfalls. Fuegoleon doesn’t take notice of it though as he continues to walk unphased by the new arrival closing in. The sound of boots on tile closer until another figure slows on the other side of the Captain. Glancing over she sees a head of messy red hair the back trailing down in a single braid. Looking further she sees his eyes are a stunning turquoise with brilliant red markings around them as they meet her own.

“Oh, brother you didn’t tell me the newest member would be around the same age as me!” Grinning one of his canine teeth poke out giving him a very feline appearance.

“Leopold, she is just observing the squad for now only after she has seen the Silver Eagles and Golden dawn will she make her decision.” Glancing down at his brother while continuing to walk he simply watches the younger Vermillion interacting with Ophelia.

Arms folded behind his head Leopold maneuvers around his brother and in front as he walks backwards face to face to her. “Pretty impressive you managed to help the Captains out in that village and only being around my age!” Hearing his comment Ophelia glances away blushing in embarrassment.

She isn’t upset, but flushed with the fact she is shorter than a 15 year old boy! “Actually, I’m not your age Leopold.” Listening to them Fuegoleon smiles as Leopold blinks and glances to his brother.

“You mean you’re my brother’s age?” Eyes wide at Ophelia as her face deepens in hue.

“Well not quite, I’m 21.” Shifting her gaze hesitantly the boy stares a moment, but grins not seeming to be mocking instead he is confident.

“Even so you’re not really much older than me, and for a commoner to move up so fast getting the attention of the three best squads is something!” Supposing it is meant to be a compliment she gives a gentle nod while glancing over to the Captain who has been silent until now.

“Well, it seems you’ve been introduced to my younger brother. He is still somewhat new to the squad so I believe you both should get along well enough while you’re here Ophelia.” Being given a confident nod by his younger brother it seems to be enough for Fuegoleon as the three enter the training grounds where it seems like most of the squad is waiting. 

With everyone else adorned in crimson robes Ophelia feels father out of place while trying to ignore any possible stares.

Moving to the front of his squad Fuegoleon’s voice booms out. “Alright, everyone listen up! Today I expect nothing but your best, give it your all and don’t lose focus! There will be no room for mistakes today!” Expression fierce and hand clenched into a fist in front of him, she is a little startled with the sudden shift in his demeanor.

Listening to the squad being addressed she stays put as not to bother the Captain or draw anymore attention to herself. It is a unique experience to say the least among the other members while they listen intensely to Captain Vermillion. Feeling a light tap on her shoulder she glances over to see Leopold holding out a red cloak to her. 

“Uh?” Blinking she doesn’t know if she should even touch it, not being a Magic Knight and all. Hearing some footfalls she peeks over her shoulder seeing Fuegoleon returning.

“Leopold, what are you doing with that? Ophelia isn’t required to wear a squad cloak right now.” His tone isn’t roaring like it was moments ago and the squad that was hanging on his every word seem to be prepping for something.

“I forgot to tell you, before I came to see you two this morning I was told that the Wizard King said she could. That way she can get a feel for the squad without feeling singled out, she kind of stands out without the robe.” 

Eyes closing a moment Fuegoleon ponders to himself. That does sound like something Julius would come up with, but it does hold merit in helping her fit in more. “Very well, if the Wizard King says so then I see nothing wrong with it.” Violet eyes turn to her as his head lifts with an expectant smile, arms crossed proudly. “Now, once you get that on we’ll be going. Ophelia, I hope you’re ready to train with us like a true member of the Crimson Lion Kings.”  

Once the cloak is in place she glances to Fuegoleon who is once more at the front of the squad, but thankfully his younger brother was nearby she feels more at ease. Some of the Crimson Lion’s mount up on their brooms while others use their magic to fly. One being the Captain as he creates a flaming lion and sits atop it’s back. No one back in Carney had enough magic to do something like that so she is amazed seeing the kinds of things able to be created with the different magic attributes. Approaching her is Leopold who holds out a broom with that one tooth poking out as he grins.

“Here, you may want to use this. It will be a bit of a trip, I hope you can keep up.” 

Eyeing the broom she politely shakes her head side to side seeming nervous to say the least. “That’s alright I think I’ll pass.” She has been on a broom once when younger with Miranda and ever since she dreads the thought of going on one again. “I’d rather fly under my own power anyway.” 

Shrugging Leopold chuckles getting on a broom. “Suit yourself.” Kicking off as his cape flutters behind him calling down to Ophelia. “Hurry up or you’ll be left behind!” Noticing how Fuegoleon’s violet eyes watch her from atop his lion she nods not wanting to keep him waiting just for her. Shifting she soars up and without missing a beat the squad seems to move almost in unison. While traveling she stays close to Leopold and he does the same supplying conversation even if she can’t speak back right now.

After some time it begins to get hotter and hotter, much hotter than the typical Clover Kingdom heat. Being transformed she utilizes her sharp eyesight to scan the landscape making a startling realization connecting the Captain’s words from earlier and why it is getting so hot. They are heading right to the base of a volcanic area! Landing and transforming back to normal she looks to Leopold startled.

“We’re training here?” But how? The heat would burn them alive getting too close!

“Yeah, neat huh?” Grinning yet the younger Vermillion isn’t phased in the least that their training location is at the base of a volcano!

“Everyone listen up! Get ready to ascend the volcano, reaching the top is our goal and the hotspring waiting with it! Anyone who thinks they cannot make it tell me now so you can turn back!” Startled by the sudden sound of his voice Ophelia looks over to see the other members surrounded by the glow of their mana like a second skin. The sight is baffling as she doesn’t know what they are doing or how to do it herself. Too lost in thought as nerves begin to get the best of her she doesn’t even hear Fuegoleon approach. “Is everything alright?”

Whirling to face him, her eyes are wide a moment and muscles tense until she sees who it is. “Captain, you startled me.” Hand on her heart to calm it’s racing as she continues. “I’m just…” she glances to the others who seem to be ready. Firm expression relaxing a bit he steps closer placing a hand on her shoulder. 

“If you need assistance let me help, that is part of a Captain’s duty after all. I’m guessing you aren’t sure what to do correct?”  A simple nod is all he needs to confirm. “First close your eyes and focus on your mana. This technique is called Mana Skin, a protective coating of mana around the user’s body. It’s a basic technique that Magic Knights have all used at one point or another.” 

Hearing this makes her think of another spell she uses, that must be it. That spell is essentially mana skin! Focusing mana begins to flow over her body like a second skin, and seeing this Fuegoleon steps back with a nod. He knows she is gifted, and he doesn’t discriminate against commoners, but the rapidity of her understanding with having no previous training is impressive. 

“Alright let’s get started then!” Calling out to the squad with a fist in the air the other Crimson Lion King members echo their captain’s enthusiasm- especially his younger brother.

Running alongside the other members the mana skin isn’t too difficult for her to keep up. The difficult part is physically keeping up with everyone else in this heat! Glancing to her side she notices that instead of being at the front of his squad Fuegoleon is keeping pace with her! As they run she notices a few other mages using other spells to assist them and gets an idea. 

“Captain Vermillion you don’t have to keep pace with me for my sake. Please don’t worry about me and run your squad as normal!”

Gauging her reaction Fuegoleon nods. “Alright then.” Within moments he quickly reaches the front of his squad as she can’t help but stare amazed at his fitness, he really was holding back by staying by her. Even from how far back she is his voice is able to be heard and picking up on their Captain’s positivity the resolve of the squad seems to increase.

Starting to get the idea Ophelia focuses her magic, but not on the mana skin instead she uses another spell, a type of reinforcement magic. Beside her appears a cute green-eyed fox, to which she extends the mana skin around so it doesn’t burn up in the ever growing heat. With the newly crafted creature her legs move faster, nimbler as she moves up through the group. Even in the heat she wasn’t letting this get to her and would try her best. Working up in the ranks she ends up around the middle from her previous and glances around noting a few grins from a group of young women making her smile back.

“Ah, I’m so relieved. I was beginning to think I was the only woman here!” Getting a couple laughs they nod in agreement.

“We all thought the same thing when we joined, it would be great having another girl on the squad!” More nods and murmurs of agreement while a young woman with an athletic build and raven hair in tight curls around her head speaks up.

“There’s only a literal handful of us so we could use some strong women here.” Grinning with a friendly wink the rest of the trek to the summit is quite enjoyable for Ophelia as she knows there would be a few familiar faces waiting. Glancing up towards the front she notices violet eyes glancing back at her with a proud grin. Giving a gentle smile back she finds herself immersed in conversation with the other members until they reach the top as the squad gathers and Fuegoleon’s eyes survey over all the Magic Knights. 

Staying near her newly found acquaintances she hears the Captain’s voice booming out over the other members. This certainly isn’t something she expected, but it certainly seems like he motivates his squad members a lot! 

Listening her brow raises slightly as they could have done better? She assumed everyone did alright, but this is the Crimson Lion Kings and they aren’t one of the best squads for nothing.

As if on cue a rumbling is heard from the ground below them and Ophelia swears her heart stops for a moment until a geyser of water rushes up filling a massive hole in the ground behind the Captain. Now it makes sense why there was a sense of getting there on time, this hotspring is on a natural timer more or less. One of the members uses their Earth Magic to create a divider between the men and women, to which she is grateful. 

The other female members aren’t quite as shy with stripping down and sinking into the water as they wave her over in a friendly manner. Taking a breath she makes quick work of her clothes and slips into the water. The heated water offers slight relief from the scalding temperature outside it. Sadly relaxing in the hotspring only lasts so long all too soon everyone gets out, dresses, and regroups as much to Ophelia’s dismay they go back the same way they came up, her body isn’t used to this kind of training! 

Returning to the base there is little time to rest as the members are paired up for further training, and since she is part of the squad for the day that means Ophelia as well a voice sounding behind her..

“Excuse me, but I’ll be your partner this round if you don’t mind.” Turning she is face to face with a man of slim build, dark brown hair, a scar on his forehead along with a stubble mustache and goatee. The expression on his face is pleasant enough as he extends a hand. “Randall Luftair. The Captain has spoken quite highly of you.” 

Not wanting to disappoint the Captain she does her best not to show how she physically feels. Her mana may be fine, but her body is aching this isn’t the kind of work she is used to. “Ophelia Forestier.” Extending her hand in a firm shake she smiles softly not knowing the kind of magic he uses, but this would certainly let her skills be tested against others than bandits.  

“Alright is everyone ready!?”  Overseeing the whole thing is Fuegoleon who once again is eager to spur on his squad. “Begin!”

Seconds pass and Randall is floating in mid air, that would certainly limit the creatures she could use to reach him. “I’m ready whenever you are Ophelia.” Keeping a gentle smile on his face he almost seems to be meditating as Ophelia unleashes her first spell. 

“Wild Magic: Gryphon’s Gift Gustaph’s Flock!

~

Huffing she is glad to see Randall was equally beat down as her so far, both of them have been fairly even- although his air tight defenses weren’t easy to get through. Brushing some stray hair from his face Randall actually smiles giving a chuckle. “I’m impressed! Not many can get by my defences given who I am.” 

“What do you mean?” Ophelia asks in confusion while launching another attack, not even her basilisk is fast enough to get by him. It’s dragon-like head slamming into an invisible wall giving a hiss of frustration, the ripples in the air showing it isn’t enough damage to actually break the barrier. Shortly after a cutting gust of air is launched at it knocking the creature, but not enough to destroy it as it serpentines back under her orders. Not going to make the same mistake twice she uses her mana to make it rear up half its body length trying to strike him down from above. Jaws open and fangs aimed at Randall’s grimoire. 

“Because, not many people could go against a Vice Captain.” The realization falls on her like a ton of bricks as he speaks so casually while launching an air palm strike at the basilisk's open mouth cutting it apart from the inside out. Thankfully Fuegoleon calls the matches much to her relief. Seeing she is still a little startled Rnadall walks up offering his hand as if in a truce. “You did well today, training with us up on the volcano and then now. You’ll make a wonderful Magic Knight if trained right.” 

Shaking his hand again she nods slowly. “I only barely kept up with you all. It took me a while to figure out I could use my magic other than mana skin.” Letting it be the Vice Captain simply nods giving a knowing smile as they hear familiar footfalls.

“Alright Ophelia I’m ready to fight!” Leopold's eager voice calls out as inwardly she is dreading going another round, unsure if her body could even take more. She wasn’t beat up by Randall, no this was just friendly sparring. But the physical toll on her body is starting to add up. 

Unable to say no she starts to nod, but is stopped by a strong voice and confident footfalls. “I’m sorry Leopold you won’t be sparing with Ophelia today, I will.” 

All of them turning towards the voice she can’t help but feel anxiety gnawing at her stomach. Fuegoleon Vermillion stands before her in all his glory looking prideful and fierce as ever. 

Randall chuckles as if he is let in on a joke.  “So that is why you wanted her to spar with me, to see what she is capable of.”  

It does make sense he wants to test how far she could go, and now against him. Leopold gives a huff of disappointment as his brother looks over to him. “I’m sure you’ll get plenty of chances to test yourself against her if she joins our squad.” 

Hearing that it is almost like she has no choice but to join the Crimson Lions, especially seeing the hopeful glitter enter Leopold's teal eyes. However she is sure that isn’t why the Captain said that, as it seems to have calmed his brother down.

Moving to stand in front of her Ophelia meets Captain Vemillion’s eyes. Blazing violet meets wild blue as she steels herself intimidating as he is; she isn’t going down without a fight. 

Quickly Ophelia realizes nothing is working as the fight begins. She knows he is a Captain, but the fact he has a fire affinity and his spells are insanely strong the only thing she can do is stall until time is up. However even that is hard as her creatures are destroyed in mere seconds, and she knows he isn’t even using a fraction of his powerful flames. The heat of them reaches her even from several feet away, and she doesn’t know which is more draining his flames or the volcano. 

Barely getting a Butterfly Barrier up as she still has to move out of the way as his flames exceed well past after burning them up. Rolling out of the way her muscles ache in protest and she summons another creature. 

“Wild Magic: Armored Alligator!” 

Once the spell was up another fiery blast is shot her way, muscles tensing in the gator it spins in a death roll making the flames form a flaming vortex around it and past Ophelia standing behind it letting them dissipate harmlessly. The intense heat makes her sweat more, but at least that attack was avoided. However her gator while still summoned isn’t fairing much better, maw open allowing itself to pant and try to cool off. Smoke rising from the scutes over its body having been nearly roasted from the inside out due to the tough armor scales.

Seeming pleased with the result, Fuegoleon unleashes another blast this time aimed solely at the creature. Legs weakly lifting itself until it’s hit and knocked over dispelling with an airy hiss. Yet another wave of heat hitting Ophelia as she grimaces feeling her knee impact the ground gasping for breath. Not having the energy to, she doesn’t bother looking up, but thankfully it seems the Captain has mercy on her as his boots enter her line of vision.

“You did well Ophelia, be proud of yourself for today.” Hearing his voice rumble over her, she looks up seeing a hand extended down as she smiles softly taking it.

“Thank you Captain.” 

Noting her condition he takes her to the common room while the others continue another round of training. “Given you’re not used to our training yet take the chance to rest while I finish up with the squad. I’ll come get you when finished.”

 Departing from her she sinks onto one of the sofas tipping her head back in relief. Body aching it feels good to finally relax. Eyes fluttering close she is grateful for the silence as it allows time for her thoughts to settle. Slowly starting to drift off she is startled awake by a sleepy voice.

“You look like you could use a nap.” Before she can even get up Rhya’s head plops on her lap making Ophelia raise a brow as he sleepily grins up at her.

“What are you doing here?” Voice almost accusing as she takes a breath having been scared into alertness heart pounding once again. 

“What no ‘hi Rhya’ ‘how are you doing Rhya’ or ‘good to see you Rhya?” Eye cracking open at her she rolls her own.

“My apologies, hello Rhya. But you have to admit that you have a knack for showing up in places you aren’t exactly supposed to be. I’ll have a hard time explaining this to the Captain if he comes back and sees you.” 

Scoffing his dark eyes flutter closed as he stifles a yawn making himself comfy in her lap. With a fullness in her chest it’s like old emotions are trying to rekindle, but she isn’t quite sure how to feel about how they used to be. Averting her eyes until Rhya speaks up again. 

“Nah I’ll be fine, besides that guy is a little too confident acting like he already has you on his squad. Are you sure you want to join this squad? I mean training like that everyday just sounds like a pain.” Not even opening his eyes it seems like he is content right now. 

Making a face she pushes his shoulders up off her lap and stands while he plops down where she had been sitting. Turning to face him shaking her head as he lets his eyes drift over to her complaining about losing his pillow. “No one has me on their squad yet Rhya. Captain Vermillion is just treating me like one of his squad members so I don’t feel out of place-.”

Suddenly her vision tilts as her legs give out, but thankfully Rhya is there within seconds. Arm around her as he raises a brow with a slight ‘I told you so’ smirk on his lips. “Are you sure that training like that everyday is something you’d want? You look pretty rough right now.” 

Weakly waving a hand in dismissal she shakes her head. “I’d be fine. My body would get used to it eventually…” words cutting off as she hides a yawn making him chuckle.

“You’re too stubborn for your own good.” Slowly his hands drop as Ophelia insists she is alright, legs quivering and as Rhya goes to support her again they both hear footfalls along with a familiar mana. Giving a quick look of apology Rhya disappears through a portal just as Captain Vermillion rounds a corner to see her starting to fall.

“Ophelia!” Cool flames catch her slowing her fall as he rushes over, her body nearly limp in the Captain’s arms. Watching her with a frown and furrowed brows he speaks up seeing her try to weakly lift her head before it falls lax against his shoulder. “You overworked yourself, if you were tired you should have said something.” Tone scolding as if speaking to a child while she attempts to speak.

“I...didn’t…” head falling against his chest again she fights to keep her eyes open and speak, “....want to bother...” another sigh leaves her lips. “...the squad. You-” Unable to try opening her eyes anymore she sighs out the last few words. “...busy as a Captain.” 

Eyes watching her form slump Fuegoelon stands carrying her with no issue as he makes his way down the hallways of the base. Knocking twice on a door it opens up as he announces himself. “It’s Captain Vermillion.” Without a second passing the door opens as the barracks for the women opens up and they gasp seeing Ophelia. “She fainted from overworking today.” Nodding right away they help get her to an empty bed as he turns to the female squad members. “I’ll send for someone to ensure it’s nothing serious, meanwhile I want the rest of you to keep an eye on her. Is that understood?”

All assuring their Captain that his orders are understood he leaves with full confidence Ophelia will be well in their care. 

Several hours pass and finally her eyes open revealing red blurrs and faint chatter. Groaning as she tries to sit up but a girl with freckles and auburn hair sets a hand on her shoulder. “The medical mage said you shouldn’t get up.” Seeing the confusion she explains. “You’re in the female barracks for the Crimson Lions, the Captain brought you here after he said you fainted from overexertion.” 

Blinking several times she does faintly remember. She was with Rhya and got up from the couch before he caught her only to have the Captain show up, but after she drew a blank. Hand on her head she slowly shakes it side to side. “Sorry for being a bother.”

After being assured she isn’t a bother Ophelia ends up talking with several familiar faces from the volcano as she relaxes in their company. Eventually sleep finds her again as the thoughts of the days to come fill her mind in both worry and anticipation.

~

Passing through the gates from the Vermillion's to the corridor between the royal houses Ophelia spots Captain Silva waiting, watching both of them walk up with sharp eagle eyes. “You’re late Fuegoleon.” 

Giving a slight smile while closing his eyes Fuegoleon doesn’t seem phased in the slightest. “My apologies Nozel, there was something I had to attend to with my squad before bringing Ophelia here.”

“Hmph, as if it couldn’t have waited until after. I’ve already had my time cut short by waiting on you.” Violet eyes stare directly into her blue’s as his chin tips up waiting on her. Getting the message as her heart beats harder she glances to Fuegoleon who gives an encouraging nod for her to go ahead.

“Thank you Captain Vermillion for this opportunity.” Smiling gently at the Crimson Lion Captain he smiles back proudly.

“You’re welcome Ophelia, I look forward to seeing your work as a Magic Knight no matter which squad you join.”  Briefly both royals lock eyes and Nozel clearly isn’t pleased with the other’s apparent attentiveness.

Hearing a noise from Nozel, Ophelia looks up to find him staring at her as she quickly gets the message. Giving one last glance to Fuegoleon before crossing over towards Captain Silva. Only seconds later footfalls rapidly hit the ground coming to a stop near Fuegoleon. Beside him is Leopold blinking and holding the Crimson Lion King’s robe Ophelia had worn. 

“Brother she forgot her robe!” Glancing down to his younger brother he smiles and hearing the voice Ophelia turns back seeing Leopold. Even Nozel inclines his head, although his expression is unimpressed and showing slight impatience with being kept waiting.

“It’s alright Leopold, we will hold it for her if she decides to join us.” Arms crossed he keeps his calm. Grinning back at Fuegoleon the younger Vermillion nods with a tooth poking out. If his brother is so calm then he had no reason to worry either. Turning his attention back to Nozel as he eyes his rival. “I must say though Nozel, she did the Crimson Lions quite proud by wearing our robe. She even kept up excellently with our training.”

 Smiling in response she feels a warmth in her chest hearing the Captain’s praise. returning her attention back to Captain Silva, something tells her this would be quite different than her time with the Crimson Lions.

The silver haired Captain doesn’t even acknowledge what his rival says simply turning on his heel, only pausing long enough to give her an imposing glance and comment. “We’ve wasted enough time here.” Having no choice but to follow, she swiftly catches up while trying to maintain a respectable distance to the Captain as they pass through the gates to House Silva and the Silver Eagle’s base.

Taking another glance back at her Nozel notices how far she is from him, normally someone standing two body lengths away doesn’t bother him. In fact he usually welcomes it, but this… unable to help himself he looks forward again opening a door and pausing. “Do try and keep up.” Hearing his voice Ophelia’s heart nearly stops in fear as her eyes widen he wants her closer? However she isn’t given time to think as he enters the doorway and she does the same shortly after. Upon her doing so he can feel her mana is closer, just out of arm's reach, and he makes no further comment on it. Seemingly appeased.

Walking through a grand marble floored room Ophelia spots two figures in the middle of the room, both with silver hair and the Silver Eagle’s cloak. Quickly by seeing their attire as well she can only assume they are siblings to Nozel. Both with smug expressions on their faces. Holding the cloak folded up the woman takes a hand and uses the back of her palm to hide her lips coyly. “Nozel, I don’t mean to bother you. But you have a stray at your heels.” A snicker is heard from beside her.

“Yes, do you want us to help you get rid of it? I’m surprised you let it follow you this far even brother.” 

The sting of their words goes straight through Ophelia as she clenches her jaw with fingers curling and nails biting into her palms. She should have expected this, but the words still hurt. However they are nothing compared to the times her own sister has called her worse. If she can handle that she can handle this from a couple of royals… right? Unable to help it she risks a glance at the Captain, and he doesn’t seem to share his sibling’s same amusement. “Nebra hand her the robe.” 

“What, to her? You’ve got to be joking Nozel.”  His sister, Nebra scoffs at this while his brother chimes in.

“Don’t tell me that is the girl- I know it’s a commoner village, but her?” Both siblings start to snicker until Nozel’s voice cuts them off.

“Nebra, Solid- that’s enough. I made my decision and that is final.” Holding out his hand for the robe now Nebra blinks in confusion so Nozel takes it with an irritated sigh. He’s already wasted time because of Fuegoleon today; he didn’t need this.  Handing the robe to Ophelia she quickly understands taking it and putting it on fluidly as she could. As she does his eyes slide over her form as if silently appraising her, but his eyes give nothing away as he turns to walk past his siblings. 

Solid and Nebra being left to stare at one another in disbelief as she follows their brother as before. Not to be left behind though they quickly follow, and since Ophelia is slightly behind their brother instead of beside him they flank her on both sides. Nebra on the left and Solid on the right as they both sneer at her smaller form. 

“This has to be a joke.” A chuckle from her right as Nebra glances at her younger brother over the blonde’s head.

“Right? There is no way our brother would seriously consider a commoner, unless it was a servant for the house.”  As they literally talk over her Ophelia finds herself glancing towards the Captain they may be whispering, but he has to hear them right? Her attention isn’t on him for more than a fleeting second though as their scathing comments start up again.

“Ahah that is so true. If this is why the past two weeks he’s been-.” Suddenly Nozel stops, thankfully Ophelia is paying attention so she stops as well but not so lucky for Solid and Nebra nearly bumping into their brother as a violet eye peers over his shoulder at them coldly.

“I thought I told you two that is enough.” Shrinking under their brother’s glare he continues. “I assigned a mission to you both, I would hope you completed it before bothering me.” Eye narrowing not getting an answer it’s clear Nozel isn’t happy. “Go do what you should have been doing and don’t return until you’re finished.”

Not a further word is needed as they step back and glower at Ophelia walking away side by side starting to whisper too quietly for her to hear. Turning her attention back to Captain Silva he is starting to walk so she does as well. It is quiet as the two continue to walk, so far no explanation like with Captain Vermillion how the Silver Eagles were founded or who by. 

Crossing another room she can only assume that they are still in House Silva instead of the Silver Eagles with her suspicion confirmed seeing a large painting of a woman with silver hair and grand dress all in a golden frame. Below is a small side table against the wall with a vase full of flowers with a younger girl looking up at it. Her outfit and hair color is similar to the other Silva’s.

“What are you doing?” Stopping a few feet behind her Nozel must have startled her as she whirls around wide eyed.

“Oh, Nozel….hello.” Timidly her violet eyes flit to you but pay most of their attention to her brother. 

“I asked you a question, don’t make me repeat myself.” Flinching back her head tips down the loose hair from her pigtails fluttering slightly as she moves. 

“I was just… looking at mother.” Blue eyes shifting to the picture Ophelia is able to pick up on the resemblance immediately gazing at the other again.

“I thought I told you to stay in your room. I told you I would be busy around the base.” Face stern he clearly has had it, having dealt with enough from Solid and Nebra already. 

“Yes, Nozel.” Slowly starting to walk off Nozel stays firm despite his sister’s demeanor.

However while watching this she swallows and heart pounding speaks up. “Captain Silva.” Voice stronger than she expects her eyes meet the Captain’s own sharp lavender hues.  “She wasn’t a bother, what she was doing is harmless enough.” 

Brow furrowing he clearly isn’t happy, and his sister stops as well a little ways down the hall turning to glance back until Nozel gives her a look making Ophelia frown.

  Blood boiling she can’t believe what she is seeing, the treatment of the girl is like peering into a mirror. Here she is witnessing a Royal girl being treated the same way she is by her own elder sister.  “She is your sister, and she is going to be part of your squad. You should start treating her with more respect Captain!”

Eyes like an eagle he turns towards her sharply with his face stoic yet while his voice drips with displeasure. “Where she is going has already been decided, and it will never be with my squad.” His words like a lance through her heart she doesn’t know this girl, but she knows the feeling of rejection from someone you’re supposed to look up to.

 Down the hall his sister watches and listens in a mixture of shock and fear, eyes darting to the woman standing up for her as she isn’t backing down and instead standing up to Nozel.

Controlling her breathing she does the best she can not to be intimidated, is this really how the Captain is? If that is the case then… “Captain Silva, thank you for considering me for your squad but seeing this I can’t imagine joining the Silver Eagles when their own Captain treats his sister like this-” While speaking Ophelia reaches up to the robe about to remove it.

Her fingertips don’t even touch the clasp for the cloak and she’s frozen in place by a layer of mercury. Even Ophelia’s arm is held in place still partly up from reaching to undo the clasp. The only part she can move is her head leaning back from Captain Silva when he leans in mere inches from her face.

“What do you think you’re doing? Someone such as yourself has no place to interfere with matters concerning House Silva.” His tone is ice cold and chills her bones while his eyes seem to be freezing her in place instead of the mercury. “From the moment you put that robe on I am in command and decide when your time here is finished. Is that understood?” Icy mana bearing down around her, she can tell this is only a small portion of the power he holds.

Swallowing in fear she can’t simply nod so she has to speak while doing the best not to let her words tremble. “Yes, Captain Silva.” Eyes locked with his a cold sweat threatens to drip down her neck, but slowly the choking pressure of his mana dies down.

“I don’t know if I should be disappointed or pleased. You seem to have dropped that attitude so easily and gained common sense with respecting your superiors.” Mercury dropping away from her body Ophelia almost collapses from the sudden release staggering a couple steps back while glancing at the Captain in a timid manner as he catches her eye over his shoulder addressing her in an eerily calm tone. “Should you be so undisciplined as to defy me again I almost hate to think of the punishment that could befall you.” 

Continuing on as if they hadn’t just run into his little sister she has no choice but to follow. Heart beating a mile a minute and tears of anger hidden behind her eyes.

While showing Ophelia around the base and elaborating on the duties of a Magic Knight  Nozel is furious with himself. How could he, a Royal, lose his demeanor because of a simple commoner? She had no business meddling in family affairs, and it is the second time she has challenged him. That woman just happens to have magic that could benefit the kingdom by having her a part of the Magic Knights. That is all, once it is settled who’s squad she is on he won’t have to spare her another moment of thought. Internally he knows though he wouldn’t be truly happy unless she is on his squad, but even then would it really stop, and otherwise why would he spend the past two weeks thinking about her?

Both of them able to calm down Nozel comes to a stop at the end of a long corridor leading to a dead end where they won’t be disturbed as a question that has plagued him from the start is on his lips. Turning towards her it’s clear Ophelia has some fear and he isn’t sure how to feel on seeing that. Normally he wouldn’t care but this… pushing the thought aside he lifts his chin looking at her directly.

“What makes Fuegoleon so favorable as a Captain?” It’s bothered him more than he would like to admit and her demeanor towards him isn’t nearly as guarded.

Clearly surprised by this question she has no time to hide the shock on her face, but Captain Silva’s expression isn’t changing, and he is clearly expecting an answer. After taking the time to listen to his explanations, what is expected she figures the Captain isn’t the worst in all situations. His demeanor isn’t simply towards his sister, but to everyone in general. It’s clear he is diligent in his duties holding a high standard.

“Well,” hesitating, she isn’t sure where to start but his expression isn’t budging and he isn’t telling her to look at him as her eyes flit away. Angry as she is for earlier with his sister what transpired after still is clear in her mind. “Captain Vermillion, he takes time to get to know others.” Seeing an elegantly raised brow she continues hurriedly. “As a Magic Knight it’s your duty to protect the people of the Clover Kingdom. Most of the time those that are prioritized are Nobles or Royals living within the Capital. They are of a higher status yes, but make up a minority of the population you look after. By understanding commoners people are more willing to help unlike what happened in Carney.” 

She doesn’t mention him specifically but Nozel knows she is referring to how he spoke to her. However that isn't what makes him think. It’s the fact that she is able to converse with him about that as if it was natural is what intrigues him. No wonder she was asked to come by the Wizard King himself, he never met her and yet-. Stopping another pointless thought he squares his shoulders gazing down at her.

“You are correct in that matter, Royalty and Nobility make up a smaller part of the Clover Kingdom than common folk. However, what you didn’t consider is that those of higher class hold a position of importance throughout the Kingdom requiring the protection of the Magic Knights.” Composed again he watches her for a few moments.

His words should shock her, they do but at the same time she isn’t surprised by Captain Silva seeing his point. Ophelia however isn’t given a chance to question about it as he continues. “Furthermore Fuegoleon is a fool who casts aside his pride as a Royal, it’s made him soft by lowering himself to such standards. Even if your idyllic world could exist Royalty and Nobility will always hold power over commoners.” 

Turning her head away she is unable to keep his stoic gaze, gone is the harsh glare but that doesn’t make him any less intimidating. A silence falls between the two as he studies her and Ophelia, in uncertainty keeps her eyes slightly lowered. The two considering the words of the other until the Captain is the first to break the silence. 

“I haven’t shown you everything necessary for 

Showing her the more delicate inner workings of the Magic Knights Ophelia listens keenly. Unlike Fuegoleon who focused on battle Captain Silva seems more focused on bureaucratic matters. Noticing her interest Nozel is secretly pleased with how attentive she is. Unfortunately after some time one of his squad members approaches he knows it wouldn’t be a quick matter.

“Captain Silva, I apologize, but this requires your attention urgently.” A man with chin length black hair and a slender offers a letter as the Captain examines it. His sharp violet eyes give nothing away while folding the letter back up.

“Nills, show Ophelia to her room.” Gaze shifting to her, his eyes remain stoic addressing her casually. “We are done, tomorrow morning you’ll meet with Captain Vangaence.” Not a further word as he departs without a word leaving her in Nill’s care.

For the most part walking with Nills is fairly quiet as he doesn’t say much, but he isn’t bad to be around. He seemed so eager to take on this job from Nozel, so it makes Ophelia wonder what about the Captain he admires so as her curiosity piques. “Nills,” gently she speaks while looking at him and thankfully his head turns towards her showing she has his attention. “May I ask what made you choose the Silver Eagles as your squad?”

Seeming pleasantly surprised he beams at her giving off a proud gleam in his eyes. “Captain Silva is a wonderful man you’ve probably seen that already, but he takes great pride in being a Magic Knight...” Telling her about some of his accomplishments Ophelia finds herself surprised by a few of them and even amazed. His endurance, how he acts during battle or high stakes missions. She doesn’t blame Nills for admiring the Captain despite the flaws he may have, he is quite admirable for a Magic Knight and the fact he became Captain of this squad like his mother is more impressive. The thought makes her a little sad however, the woman from earlier in the painting his sister said mother so that must mean… thoughts trailing off she is brought to the room she will be staying in. Thanking Nills as he departs she steps in closing the door behind her back against the smooth wood. 

To her right in the middle of the back wall is a bed between two large windows, across from the bed is a dresser, further to the right is a door she can only assume leads to a bathroom while to the wall closest on her left is a small table with a chair for writing. Keeping with the theme of the Silver Eagles the fabrics and metals are all kept in white, silver or blue tints with the only exception being the wood. 

Subconsciously she turns the lock before stepping away from the door, someone isn’t likely to barge in but in a new place it is a welcome addition of security. Glancing about the room Ophelia reaches to undo the clasp on the Magic Knight robe placing it on the back of a chair with a sigh as an all too familiar voice is heard.

“This Captain is a real winner huh?.” Startled, she is about to grab the cloak putting it back on until she sees who is lounging on her bed. 

“Rhya!” Scowling at him, he simply closes his eyes, smiling lounging on his side with his palm on his cheek propping himself up on an elbow. 

“Man, someone is jumpy.” Sleepily grinning he doesn’t keep at it for long seeing her expression and straightening up. “Did I come at a bad time?”

Running a hand through her hair she lets out a long sigh. “I just… it’s been a long day Rhya.” Sitting up reading her tone his dark eyes shine with something for a moment, but she is too conflicted to tell what right now. Eyes squeezed shut she keeps her head turned away from him as he gets the message.

“Alright.” Standing he watches her a few moments longer until he speaks up again. “You don’t have to do this alone ya know, that’s a pain. You have family to rely on Ophelia.” 

Hearing that only makes her remember being with Licht, Fana, Vetto and of course Rhya. Yeah they are there for her but they're strangers yet. Everything and everyone these past couple days are new and strange. Any sense of being able to return to her old life is long gone. “Please Rhya, I just can’t… deal with you right now!” Cutting off she doesn’t trust herself to speak anymore, she just needs time and time to herself.

Without a word a portal opens behind Rhya as he watches her for a few moments more with a sigh, disappearing moments later. Once she can’t feel his mana slowly her head lifts and her feet shuffle against the ground. Sitting on the edge of the bed she places her head in her hands.

If it was just dealing with the Magic Knights she would be fine, but she also is still learning about part of herself and people she didn’t know existed until recently. She may feel comfortable with Rhya, but why is he checking up on her at every turn? She isn’t used to this! This ‘family’, though they treat her kindly are still strangers. The fact she was, or is as they say, an elf is strange enough, but trying to accept that in such a short time with everything else being thrust at her? 

Slowly as Ophelia gets ready to sleep Captain Silva doesn't check on her, but that isn’t a surprise. Though at the same time Rhya didn’t return either, guilt building up for snapping at him instead of talking, but too late now. Laying in the plush bed she closes her eyes praying for sleep to find her soon, thankful that she is alone so no one has to hear or witness her regrets. Hopefully her dreams could let her forget the turmoil of thoughts and emotions flooding her mind.

[mytwilightimagines13]

Amnesia (Book one, part fifteen)(Alec Volturi)

Maeryn sighed once more as she placed the brush back down onto the small table with mirror. Alec looked up from his book, his eyebrow slightly arched. “What is bothering you, amore mio?” he asked. “Nothing. Just slightly nervous for tomorrow I guess.”Maeryn said as she braided her hair. “Hmm.” Alec said before placing a bookmarker in between the pages of his book and closing it. He laid it onto the nightstand before opening his arms. “Come here, amore mio.” He said. Maeryn smiled gently and made her way towards him. Once she was close enough, Alec pulled her on top of him, her head resting on his chest, one of his arms wrapped tightly around her waist while the other hand played with her hair. Maeryn relaxed almost immediately. Alec just seemed to have that effect on her. He gently placed a kiss on her head. “Mia innocente la tua cantante.” He whispered softly against her hair. Maeryn smiled as she gently moved her head up and pecked his lips. Alec smirked as he pulled her head back and kissed her hungrily. Neither of them could get enough from each other’s touch, and their hunger grew more intense every day. But the two lovers restrained themselves, knowing it would be way too dangerous for Maeryn if Alec let his emotions go completely. And therefore, he pulled away leaving one more kiss on her lips before Maeryn placed her head back onto his chest. “How will tomorrow go, Alec?” she asked as she started to play with his Volturi necklace. Alec remained quiet for a while, while continuing to play with her hair. “It won’t be pleasant, amore mio.” “Tell me, please. I cannot seem to find any sleep and I would like to be prepared.” Alec sighed softly, contemplating whether or not he should tell his mate, as it might frighten her for the change. But, on the other hand, he had told her so much already of his world and nothing had scared her away yet. Not even the screams of the humans they would feast on once a week. “Very well then. As you know humans can be changed into vampires from another vampire's venomous bite, and vampire venom is nothing more than a deadly poison to animals. The transformation from human to vampire is the sharpest memory we have of our human life. Once a human is bitten, the venom from glands inside the vampire's mouth is injected into the bloodstream and will travel throughout the body to change every living cell. Depending upon how much venom is in the bloodstream, and how close the venom enters to the heart, the transformation could last anywhere from two to five days. During this time, the human will endure indescribable pain. Once the venom is injected, the best way I can describe the feeling is to it feeling like you are being burned alive. The venom will then make its way throughout the body. Next through the heart, and it will pump again and again in the heart until it starts meeting itself in the veins. Then it will burn all the veins until the heart stops beating. It moves slower than blood because it is thicker, which makes the transformation long-lasting. Each beat of the heart can only push it so far. The changing process is slow. The venom has to saturate every cell in the body before the process can be completed. But I promise, I will be with you through it all. I won’t leave your side, not even once. I want to be the first thing you see.” He finished as he send Maeryn a playful wink. Maeryn chuckled but was also back in her thoughts. She knew it would be painful, but it was a bitter pill to swallow for her new and eternal life. As her thoughts drifted further away, and Alec’s soothing hand played with her hair, Maeryn finally drifted off into a deep sleep. Her last sleep. Maeryn looked at herself in the mirror as Jane braided her hair in a difficult yet seemingly simple braid that laid ontop of her curly and loose hair. Maeryn’s heart had been beating a lot quicker than usual today, as if it knew that it’s days were over. As if her heart knew that the venom of a vampire would soon consume it. Forcing it to pump vampire venom through her veins instead of blood. Her heart was preparing for the fight it and Maeryn would fight soon. Oh, how brave her heart was, even though Maeryn knew it would lose. “There, all ready.” Jane said, breaking through Maeryn’s train of thoughts. Maeryn smiled at Jane, but her smile was unsteady and nervous. “Everything will be fine, I promise. It will be over before you know it.” She said as she carefully embraced Maeryn in a sisterly way. Maeryn returned the embrace before Jane pulled away, eyes slightly darker. “Now, go on. Alec is waiting in his room. His bed is a lot bigger, so hopefully it will make the experience a lot more comfortable.” Jane said. Maeryn nodded her head in agreement and walked towards the door. “I guess I will see you in my new life.” Maeryn said, kinda joking. Jane smiled reassuring. “I cannot wait.” Maeryn returned the smiled and made her way towards Alec’s room. She gently knocked on his door and he opened quickly. Alec smiled but seemed as nervous as she was. He pulled her into his arms, burying his face in her neck and placing his lips against her beating vein in her neck. Maeryn closed her eyes and took in his coldness. The coldness of his skin she would soon crave to feel once more. Alec smiled gently. “Are you ready, amore mio?” he asked. “Yes.” Maeryn whispered. She was so nervous, and was afraid if she said anything else, she might vomit. Alec guided her towards his bed and gently laid her down. He carefully crawled ontop of her, making sure none of his weight would push down onto her. His cold lips found her warm ones, claiming them in a loving kiss, and a hungry kiss. Slowly, Alec’s lips left hers and they left a trail of soft kisses down to her neck. He gently sucked on her soft spot, earning him a small sigh in loving agony. Alec smirked before nibbling, his fangs grazing her flawless skin. “Forgive me once more, amore mio. As I am a selfish man.” He whispered against her neck, but Maeryn barely registered what he had said as her head felt empty, as if she was high. But soon, reality hit her hard. Alec slowly sunk his fangs into her neck, letting the venom flow into her veins. Maeryn gasped. It felt quite warm actually. A nice and cosy warmth, like a fireplace you warm yourself up to after a long day in the coldness of winter. However, the warmth in Maeryn’s neck got more and more real, warmer and warmer. Hotter. The heat was so real it was hard to believe that she was imagining it. Hotter. Uncomfortable now. Too hot. Much, much too hot. Instead of warming up by the warm and cozy fireplace, she felt like she was trapped inside of one. Maeryn’s automatic reaction would be to crawl and fight her way away from the flames, but the heat wasn’t on the outside. The heat was inside her. The burning grew, rose and peaked and rose again until it surpassed anything she had ever felt. Maeryn felt the pulse behind the fire raging now in her chest and realized that the venom was flowing through her heart, into her veins. Maeryn wanted to raise her arms and claw her chest open and rip the heart from it, anything to get rid of this torture. But strong arms held hers down. “Don’t, amore mio. You can do it.” The soft voice of Alec could be heard, but even his soothing voice couldn’t relieve the pain she was feeling right now. The fire blazed hotter and Maeryn wanted to scream. To beg for someone to kill her right now, before she had to live one more second in this pain. But she couldn't move my lips. There was a weight pressing down on her. The weight of her body, she soon realized. So heavy. Burying her in the flames that were chewing their way out from Maeryn’s heart now, spreading with impossible pain through her shoulders and stomach, scalding their way up her throat, licking at her face. She wanted to scream more than ever, but she had to remain strong, for Alec. Maeryn’s mind was unbearably clear, sharpened by the fierce pain. All she wanted was to die. To never have been born. The whole of her existence did not outweigh this pain. Wasn't worth living through it for one more heartbeat. Let me die, let me die, let me die. That all that was on her mind. Please let me die. But she didn’t dare to say it outloud. She kept her mouth shut, apart from some sharp breaths she took, no sound came from her mouth. And, for a never-ending space, that was all there was. Just the fiery torture, and Maeryn’s soundless shrieks, pleading for death to come. Nothing else, not even time. So that made it infinite, with no beginning and no end. One infinite moment of pain. The only change came when suddenly, impossibly, Maeryn’s pain was doubled. The lower half of her body, was suddenly on fire, too. Maeryn could no longer hold it back as a scream escaped from her lips. “Shh. It’s alright, amore mio. It’s alright.” Alec said, he sounded pleading. He sounded guilty. But why would be guilty? It wasn’t his fault. It was the fire's fault. The fire made her in pain, made her want to die. Not him. The endless burn raged on. It could have been seconds or days, weeks or years, but, eventually, time came to mean something again. Two things happened together, grew from each other so that she didn't know which came first: time restarted and Maeryn got stronger. Though the fire did not decrease one tiny degree - in fact, Maeryn began to develop a new capacity for experiencing it, a new sensitivity to appreciate, separately, each blistering tongue of flame that licked through her veins, Maeryn discovered that she could think around it. She could remember why she was going through this pain. Why she would endure this agony of flames. She could remember, even though it felt impossible, there was a reason, a reward at the end of this ocean of flames. But right now, she had no clue what her reward might be. All she hoped for, was death. To anyone who was watching Maeryn, there would be no change. But for Maeryn, as she struggled to keep the screams and thrashing locked up inside her body, where they couldn't hurt anyone else, it felt like she had gone from being tied to the stake while she burned, to gripping that stake to hold herself in the fire. She had just enough strength to lie there unmoving while she was charred alive. However, Maeryn did notice the many changes that happened while her body was turning to ash from the inside. Her hearing got clearer and clearer, and she could count the frantic, pounding beats of her heart to mark the time. She could count the sharp breaths that gasped through her teeth as she hissed, yes hissed, in pain. She could count the low, even breaths that came from somewhere close beside her. Alec! Those where Alec’s breaths. Maeryn concentrated on them, as his breath was much slower than hers. They meant the most time passing. More even than a clock's pendulum, those breaths pulled her through the burning seconds toward the end. Maeryn’s strength continued to increase, her thoughts became clearer by the second. When new noises came, she could listen and registrate them. There were light footsteps, the whisper of air stirred by an opening door. The footsteps got closer, and Maeryn felt pressure against the inside of her wrist. However, she couldn't feel the coolness of the fingers. The fire blistered away every memory of cool that she had. "She is doing quite well. She has only screamed about ten times so far." The soft voice of Jane said. “Hm." Was all Alec said. “Everything will be alright brother. You knew this had to be done.” Jane said as she gently placed a hand onto her brother’s shoulder. Alec placed a hand over his sisters’ “I know. But it still pains me to hear her scream in pain.” He replied softly. Maeryn frowned but didn’t dare to open her mouth, knowing another scream would surely escape from her lips. "Listen to her heart, brother. Concentrate on that, everything will be over soon. It's quite strong, isn’t it? She will be perfect." Jane said. “I know. She always has been, I wouldn’t have expected anything else now.” Alec said. Jane giggled. "She must be in agony." Alec said slightly sad once more. “But she is strong, so she will be fine.” Jane reminded him. “Ti amo da impazzire, amore mio.” Alec whispered in Maeryn’s ear as he gently stroked her hair. Through all this, the racking fire went right on burning her from the inside. But there was so much space in her head now. Room to ponder their conversation, room to remember what had happened, room to look ahead to the future, with still endless room left over to suffer in. Also room to worry. How would she react to her own reflection? Will she be ruthless in her search for blood as a newborn? Ten thousand, nine hundred forty-three breaths later. How long? Couldn't someone atleast tell her for how much longer she had to lay in this ocean of flesh eating flames. Was that too much to ask? How many more seconds would she had burn? Ten thousand? Twenty? Another day - eighty-six thousand, four hundred? More than that? "She's going to be dazzling." Jane said.  Alec growled quietly. "She always has been." Jane snorted. "You know what I mean. Look at her." Alec, however, didn't answer, but Jane’s words gave Maeryn hope that maybe she didn't resemble the charcoal briquette she felt like. It seemed as if Maeryn must be just a pile of charred bones by now. Every cell in her body had been razed to ash. Maeryn heard Jane skip out of the room. She heard the swish of the fabric she moved, rubbing against itself. She heard the quiet buzz of the light hanging from the ceiling. She heard the faint wind brushing against the outside of the castle. She could hear the villagers of Volterra happily talking to eachother in Italian. She could hear everything. Downstairs, someone, Felix and Demetri, where playing a video game. She listened for more, but there was nothing but the game. The video game was not interesting enough to distract her from the pain, so she once more listened to Alec's breathing again, counting the seconds. Twenty-one thousand, nine hundred seventeen and a half seconds later, the pain changed. On the good-news side of things, it started to fade from her fingertips and toes. Fading slowly, but at least it was doing something new. This had to be it. The pain was on its way out... And then the bad news. The fire in her throat wasn't the same as before. She wasn't only on fire, but she was now parched, too. Dry as bone. So thirsty. Burning fire, and burning thirst… And the worst part of this all. The fire inside her heart had gotten even hotter. How was that possible? Her heartbeat,  which had been already too fast, picked up - the fire drove its rhythm to a new frantic pace. "Master Aro?" Alec called. His voice was low but clear. Maeryn knew that Aro would hear it, if he were in or near the castle. As a matter of fact, she knew the whole castle from the inside could hear it. And she too could hear them. The fire retreated from her palms, leaving them blissfully pain-free and cool. But it retreated to her heart, which blazed hot as the sun and beat at a furious new speed. Aro entered the room, Jane and Caius at his side. Their footsteps were so distinct, that Maeryn could even tell that Caius was on the right of Aro and Jane on his left, and Aro was a foot ahead of them both. "Listen." Alec told them. The loudest sound in the room was Maeryn’s frenzied heart, pounding to the rhythm of the fire. "Ah," Aro said. "It's almost over." Maeryn felt relieved at his words and was overshadowed by the excruciating pain in her heart. Her wrists were now free, though, and so where her ankles. The fire was totally extinguished there. "Soon," Jane agreed eagerly. “She is lovely. Immortality becomes her.” Aro said “Hopefully she can control her thirst quickly.” Caius said as he examined the girl. “I am sure she will, brother. Alec and Jane will take good care of her, as will the rest of the guard.” Aro said. The room went silent besides the jack-hammering of Maeryn’s heart as they all stopped breathing for a second in response. A hand squeezed her wayward fingers. "Maeryn? Amore mio?" Could she answer him without screaming? She considered it for a moment, and then the fire ripped hotter still through her chest, draining in from my elbows and knees. A scream once more escaped from her lips.  And then - oh! Her heart took off, beating like helicopter blades, the sound almost a single sustained note; it felt like it would grind through her ribs. The fire flared up in the center of Maeryn’s chest, sucking the last remnants of the flames from the rest of her body to fuel the most scorching blaze yet. The pain was enough to stun her, to break through her iron grip on the stake. She screamed once more. Her back arched, bowed as if the fire was dragging her upward by her heart. She allowed no other piece of her body to break rank as her torso slumped back to the bed. Maeryn tightly gripped the sheets and bit her lip hard, making sure to keep her screams locked behind her lips. It became a battle inside of her: her sprinting heart racing against the attacking fire. Both were losing. The fire was doomed, having consumed everything that was combustible; her heart galloped toward its last beat. The fire constricted, concentrating inside that one remaining human organ with a final, unbearable surge. The surge was answered by a deep, hollow-sounding thud. Maeryn’s heart stuttered twice, and then thudded quietly again just once more. There was no sound. No breathing. Not even Maeryn’s. For a moment, the absence of pain was all she could comprehend. And then Maeryn opened her now bright crimson eyes and gazed above her in wonder.

[aliceslantern]

Give/Take, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic, chapter 11

Ienzo has been too busy since the war to be overwhelmed by the past. But with little progress to be made in his work with Kairi, old nightmares start to invade.

Riku is a glorified housesitter. Lonely and faced with no choice but to wait for a way to find his friends, he eagerly accepts when Ienzo asks him to help do repairs around the castle. Before long, the two strike up an unlikely friendship, united by their dark pasts and their attempts to be better people.

But just as they begin to consider something more... Kairi wakes up.

Ienzoku (Ienzo/Riku), post-Melody of Memory, slow burn. Updates Thursdays until it's done.

Chapter summary:  On their first night on the islands, Ienzo and Riku can't sleep. Some truths come to light.

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

---

Ienzo only slept heavily for about an hour or two. He woke, disoriented, in the dark, because the texture of his bed was wrong and also in the wrong direction. He was also desperate to pee, which was definitely what had woken him up, and he cursed his decision to try to rehydrate immediately before sleeping.

The room wasn’t quite dark even at night, moonlight pouring through the curtains next to Riku’s bed. He made his way over to the bathroom as quietly as he could, took care of it, and inched his way back, wincing when the spring in the sofa creaked loudly.

He vainly hoped he would be able to fall asleep soon after, but that proved not to be the case. His body was still on Radiant Garden time, after all, and there it was probably early morning. The sofa was comfortable enough, but it was also foreign.

All of this was foreign.

Cars. TVs. The food, the etiquette, the homes.

The family.

He looked up at the ceiling. It was also hot in here, and even under the one sheet he was sweating. Seeing Riku’s family, his very normal, loving parents and his very normal, loving life--

Ienzo had not realized just how abnormal his own life was until that moment. He hadn’t internalized it. He could’ve had something like that, his own parents embarrassingly ribbing him about bringing home a new partner, and welcoming them with open arms. Instead, he’d had Ansem, loving but ultimately too busy to provide what he needed, and Even, who similarly showed his care through being strict and unyielding. And the others, who hadn’t sat him down and showed him right from wrong, who let him do those awful things because he was so “brilliant”.

He realized he was quite angry, and equally, quite sad. Who would I have been if I were normal? Was Ansem right, that not all of this was his fault?

His mind was spinning too hard to let him fall back to sleep, and it was too hot in here, and honestly he felt a little bit sick to his stomach. The food had all been delicious, but it was richer than what Ienzo was used to, and didn’t sit right. He was aware of time passing in that strange way it did when one was unable to sleep, and gradually, he became aware of Riku, also tossing and turning on his bed.

Possibly he was a bit jet-lagged as well.

Ienzo sat up slowly.

Riku blinked wearily. “Sorry, did I wake you?” he asked.

“No, I was up. It’s morning according to my body.” He offered a smile. “That, and I’m not very good at this “sleeping” thing.”

“Me either,” Riku said. “I never really was.”

“I didn’t know you had insomnia,” he said.

“Sometimes I can’t stop thinking, even if I’m so tired I’m sore.”

“Me either.”

“What were you thinking about?”

“Normalcy.”

Riku sat up. He patted the bed next to him. “No point in us shouting at each other across the room if neither of us is going to sleep.”

“...Right.” Ienzo crossed the room and sat at the foot of the bed. The mattress was a bit firm. He pulled his legs up under him and hoped his scar wasn’t obvious in this light. “That, and it still feels quite warm to me.”

“Why didn’t you say something?” Riku summoned some magic in his palms and threw a blizzard spell into the room, immediately making it ten times more comfortable. “That should last a few hours. I’m used to it here, I can’t tell if you’re overheating.”

“Better,” he said. “Thank you.”

“...You were talking about normalcy?”

“Ah. Right.” He swallowed. “I… didn’t grow up like you, in a house with parents who twitter over my every need. Perhaps to you it feels overbearing… but for the first time I’m thinking about what I might have missed.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. No, I think these are thoughts I need to have,” he said. “For so long I was convinced that the things I had done were my fault and my fault alone. But if I had been allowed to grow up normally…”

“Would you have made those same decisions?” Riku asked softly. “Right.”

“So I think the change of scenery will be helpful. ...And your mother’s cooking will make me quite fat.”

He chuckled, but then his expression darkened. “I mean, I grew up normally, but I still did what I did.”

Ienzo bit his lip, cursing his lack of tact. “You also had a heart of darkness stoking you, though. If it had not encouraged you--”

“It’s okay, Ienzo. I accept I’ve made those mistakes. I’m… not okay with it, but I’m moving on.” He smiled.

“Seems I’m a few steps behind you.”

“It’s not a race.”

“I guess not.” There were a few beats of silence, but they were companionable.

“Have you ever thought about leaving Radiant Garden?” Riku asked. “Or even that castle?”

His eyebrows rose.

“You know, get a place of your own? Learn to be a person?”

“Well I… I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I still have to… figure out how to atone.”

“Maybe learning how to be your own person can help that more than just looking for busywork to do in the castle.”

Ienzo did not know how to process that thought.

“Sorry if that was overstepping.”

“It wasn’t,” he said, looking at his moonlight-stained hands. “It just… never occurred to me that was something I can do. That that would help. But… I think you’re right.”

“Maybe I am.”

Ienzo nodded slowly.

The conversation drifted from there, as Ienzo pondered that thought, to the things they might do tomorrow, the people they might see, once the hour was decent. Riku thought a simpler day of going around town might be better, as they were both jet-lagged and sure to be exhausted. Somehow, someway… the conversation became a hum, became nothing, and suddenly Ienzo was waking up.

In Riku’s bed. Curled up next to him, actually.

He jerked a little, scrambling to give him personal space, but the quick movement only woke him. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to--”

He blinked, fuzzy, some of his hair having pulled out of his braid in the night. “Were you--”

“I fell asleep. On top of you. I don’t remember how--” He hadn’t deliberately oriented himself that way.

“When you were half asleep I tried to get you to lay down. But I was also half asleep, so I didn’t realize I put you next to me,” he said. “I might’ve accidentally cuddled you in the night. I’m sorry. Did that cross a line?”

“No,” he said. Thinking about it, it was like some pain had eased in him, just slightly. He had to get used to being touched. “No, I… I think I liked it.”

He looked a bit sheepish. “To be fair, we’re both awake now. You can see if you actually do.”

Ienzo flushed. “You’re a softie, aren’t you?”

“...Maybe.”

Ienzo eased a little closer to him and Riku pulled him close. He rested his head against Riku’s neck, his heart beating fast. People did this all the time, he reminded himself. It took a beat too long for him to actually relax into the embrace, the gentle comfort of it. He wasn’t used to this, the contact, another body so close to his. Almost tentatively, Riku reached up to stroke his hair, and Ienzo shuddered.

“Is that too much?”

“It feels good,” he admitted, almost embarrassed. He let his eyes fall shut, and gradually the shaking stopped. He hoped Riku’s hand didn’t stray lower than his scalp, lest he accidentally touch the scar and realize. Ienzo knew it was only a matter of time, but aside from collared shirts he had no way of hiding it--chokers were an absolute no . Or if his hips pressed a little harder against Ienzo’s he’d also be able to guess at that situation. But as much as Ienzo tried to will himself to put distance between them, he couldn’t. He was so tired of holding everyone at arm’s length. Ienzo wrapped an arm around his waist.

They held each other for a long time, long enough for him to stop feeling anxious and to start feeling sleepy. Riku kissed the part of his hair. Slowly, Ienzo looked up. He wasn’t sure which of them moved first or if it mattered. They were kissing, gently, unhurriedly, flooding Ienzo with warmth. Riku’s grip on him tightened.

Oh.

This felt different, too, than the kisses they’d had in the past. It was a bit less timid, a bit hotter , and the attraction Ienzo felt for him, long compartmentalized, came bleeding out. He kissed Riku back harder, felt him respond equally, a small sound catching in his throat, a sound that gave Ienzo a totally new thrill. This was new, this was unexplored, but for once the sensation overwhelming him was a positive one. He felt electric, he felt--

Turned on?

As soon as his attention was drawn to that part of his body, Ienzo’s joy was dented by an unpleasant wave of dysphoria. It wouldn’t be fair, wouldn’t be right , to lead him on only to bait and switch what would be used --he pulled away.

“What’s wrong?” Riku asked. “Did I push you too far?”

Ienzo sat up and wrapped his arms around himself. He hated that he could still feel it, almost a throbbing -- “No,” he said. “No, I liked it.”

“So... what happened?”

He took a deep breath. “I have to tell you something.”

He frowned, his face tight with concern.

“I… I’m…” So much for eloquence. “Transgender?”

“Oh,” he said, utterly nonplussed. “Alright. Cool.”

“And…” He realized he was curled up, cupping his throat. “For the… for the most part medicine and magic made me comfortable with myself, but… this is uncharted territory, and the… transformation was… not complete in that sense, if you catch my drift, I was told it could be imperfect--” He was babbling, not at all the measured way he’d hoped to confess this.

He turned towards him. “I… think I do, yeah.”

“I didn’t realize feeling things would cause me discomfort.”

“Physically? Ienzo, we don’t have to get physical.” He cocked his head. “Like, it’s fine.”

“I know so little about how it actually feels,” he mumbled. “I… like this, I don’t want to stop, but I feel like… you should know.”

He took Ienzo’s hand. “Thank you,” he said. “It’s okay with me. It’s all okay.”

“You’re not…” He forced himself to spit out “disgusted.”

“No.” He furrowed his brows. “Why… why would I be?”

“Expecting one thing and getting another,” he said, his face on fire.

Riku blinked. “I can’t pretend I understand what your experience has been like,” he said. “But being with someone has been new to both of us. I want both of us to… feel good, and be comfortable. You being like this doesn’t change anything.”

“Oh,” Ienzo said, and he realized he was relieved more than anything. “Yes.”

“I mean, if the same were true for me, you wouldn’t think anything wrong with it, right?”

“That’s true.”

“Exactly.” He pulled his legs up under him. “Can I ask you a few questions?”

He tried to unfurl. “...Alright.”

“When did you know?”

“I was quite small. Before, even, I was adopted by Ansem. That name and pronouns just felt… wrong. Along with all the feminine stereotypes. Ansem let me transition, socially, legally, when I was just six years old. So for the most part the dysphoria stays fairly quiet.”

“You said something about it being… imperfect?”

The blush returned. “The recovery would’ve been grueling and there’s no guarantee there would be… full sensation.”

“ Oh."   He also turned red. "Sorry if that was too personal.”

“No, it’s okay. You’re just curious.” He cleared his throat. “I have to admit it seems to be a fairly personal choice for all trans people.”

“Have you… met anyone else?”

Ienzo thought. “I can’t say I have,” he admitted. “Then again, quite literally, I do not know many people in general. You’re one of the only people my age I have a consistent relationship with.”

Riku was silent for a moment, then, reddening further, “I’m sorry, but that means it’s… is it possible for you to-- um… have a, have a baby?”

Ienzo blinked. He knew why Riku was asking him this. “Well, the odds are incredibly, incredibly slim. I’d say less than one percent.”

“Got it. Sorry.”

“No, it’s… it’s a good thing to know.” He lowered his hand from his throat at last. The morning sun was slowly getting brighter.

Riku laughed once, awkwardly, and Ienzo did too, the worst of the tension slowly fading. But then… he saw Riku starting at his throat, his head slightly cocked. “What’s--”

A stab of anxiety made it hard to breathe. Well, better to rip off the bandaid all at once. “A scar.” He leaned a little into the light, to let him see it. Nobody had seen this before.

“From--” His eyes widened. “Oh. Oh no. Oh.”

Ienzo swallowed, feeling a painful lump.

“He--” He took a shocked breath. “He did that to you?”

“Yes,” Ienzo said slowly.

“No wonder you were so scared. No wonder…”

“I’m alright now. More or less.”

“Does it hurt?”

“No. Not at all.” Riku looked horrified. Ienzo knew what the scar looked like it implied. “It was the darkness that caused the scarring. Not… the act itself.”

He shook his head.

Ienzo cleared his throat. “Those are all the secrets I have for today.” He tried to smile.

Riku seemed to gather himself. “Of course yeah. Um. You hungry? You want… coffee?”

“Coffee sounds… very good.”

[slamsams-blog]

Diamonds Are Forever - #24WeeksofBond

24 Weeks of Bond returns this week with Diamonds Are Forever, Sean Connery’s reprising and final performance as Bond.  (That is, of course, until Never Say Never Again - but that doesn’t count).  This film was supposed to be a sequel to On Her Majestys Secret Service with Bond mourning the death of his late wife Tracey and going on a revenge mission.  George Lazenby had originally been offered a 7 movie deal, but due to Lazenby’s unwillingness to cooperate with the studio and some bad advise from his agent saying that James Bond was flaming out as a franchise, he left after just one movie.  This forced the writers to do a re-write, and for the studio to lure Connery back to the role for a hefty price tag and the promise of two non-Bond films of his choosing.

So here we are, the Bond franchise is in full on panic mode - and because of it, we get a rather odd Bond film with an aged Connery, some weird characters, and a questionable casting choice in Charles Grey as Blofeld....BUT it does have some rather fun moments, & cool stunts.  I enjoyed this film a little more than I thought I would tonight, but the downright weird aspects of the film still weight the movie down in terms of overall standing within the franchise.  I just can never get over this Charles Grey casting as Blofeld.  Blofeld had been rocking a cue ball the past two films and that’s just how we know Blofeld to look...he can’t just GROW HAIR ALL THE SUDDEN!!!

Sean Connery is definitely just in it for the money at this point, but a little time away seemed to have done him some good as it looks like he is having a bit more fun with the role as compared to his last outing in You Only Live Twice.  Still, it must’ve been so confusing back then to have three movies in a row have a different actor play James Bond.  OHMSS, Lazenby....Diamonds are Forever, Connery....Live and Let Die, Moore...what a wild time that must’ve been.

We have Jill St. John playing Tiffany Case who is one of my favorite Bond girls.  She has this commanding, no BS demeanor as a diamond smuggler should have but also has this way of comedically trying to weasel her way out of jail time when she finds out Peter Franks is James Bond.  Tiffany Case is definitely one of the more memorable performances in the series.  Although I still don’t know why she put on all those wigs in the beginning. 

This film starts out with Bond on a mission to find Blofeld.  Since this is the film after On Her Majestys Secret Service, you can only understand why he is desperately after him.  However, any traces of a revenge plot quickly disappears when Connery enters the picture.  No mention of marriage in this film at all.  Except for when the guy asks how Bond’s holiday was, and Bond says enjoyable...what a sociopath.  The story here is that there is a diamond smuggling ring that is operating, but the smugglers keep getting intercepted by two killer lovers named Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd.  Well business has been amping up and Bond is sent to Holland to see what he can find.

Meanwhile Blofeld is creating clones of him self by people who undergo some sort of mud therapy to transform their faces to look like Blofeld.  The reason the diamond smuggling has been getting hotter is because Blofeld is constructing a satellite that holds enough power to be a floating death ray from space...any of this sound familiar??  This is pretty much the story that was used in Die Another Day with Pierce Brosnan (A way more over the top version).  So Bond thinks he has killed Blofeld in the pre-title sequence, and I’m sure the audience was fooled as well.  But while Bond is following the diamond trail and throwing everyone off by replacing the real diamonds with fake ones...he runs into TWO more Blofelds!  Double Trouble.

The plot gets a little muddy when we are taken on the mission with Bond, it’s a little hard to figure out who has the diamonds and how they got to Q and when they were swapped out with fake ones, and so on and so forth.  But there are some great moments to be had.  One of my personal favorite moments is when Bond kills the real Peter Franks in a rather challenging elevator fight.  But he replaces his wallet with Franks, and when Case goes to see who it was she yells “Oh my God...YOU’VE JUST KILLED JAMES BOND!”.  Love it.  There is also the part where Bond wakes up in a casket while it’s getting burned which is the stuff of nightmares.

We also get a few fun chase scenes with a moon buggy Bond steals from a film set?  I have to wonder if this was kind of a humorous way to call out the idea that the moon landing was staged, but I don’t know the timeline of when those conspiracies started taking place.  Bond then gets chased by some Vegas cops on the strip where he entraps a bunch of squad cars in a parking lot.  So much fun to be had there.  

But along with the fun, there are some strange elements.  Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd are such a strange duo.  I don’t know where they got the actor to play Mr. Kidd but he seems like he has never acted before, meanwhile Mr. Wint seems like a classically trained stage actor.  Who knows if that was intended or not, but I can’t help but feel like Mr. Kidd was a stage hand that got roped into playing the part because the original actor got sick or something.  I don’t know, for some reason two cold blooded murderers found each other and fell in love.  We know nothing about this duo at all.  Missed opportunity, could’ve been a cool tandem, but came out looking liked a failed etsy project.

Diamonds Are Forever is what it is, it was a scramble job when Lazenby called it quits and it acted as a bandaid until they got Roger Moore in the picture.  You really can’t blame Connery here, he did what he could and I’m sure having him helped bring the audience in.  There are some good laughs here with this film, but all in all...it is what it is - and I can’t really think of anything more to say about it, so I shall say goodnight!

What did you think about Diamonds Are Forever...Let me hear you!

24 Weeks of Bond will return next Monday with - 

Casino Royale

[kl4us4]

COMIC KLAUS (Klaus Hargreeves x Reader)

Request: umbrella academy oneshot where klaus figures out how to do some of the things he can do in the comics ;)))

ua masterlist

Though you love him, sometimes Klaus could be insufferable. Right now, he sits with his feet on the kitchen bench, wishing he were smoking a joint instead of sobering up. Well, too bad for him.

Klaus watches with pride as you sigh loudly, throwing your head back in frustration. He loves annoying you, he could do it all day. But to be fair, you could do the same to him. Looking at him intensely, you raise your voice. “Maybe if you weren’t so childish this would work!”

Placing a hand on his chest, as if he’s clutching pearls, Klaus gasps quietly, “You sound exactly like my father.”

You pause, eyes completely focused on him. The tension in the air grows thicker. Standing up from your seat, you ask a simple yet intimidating question, “What did you just say to me?”

“Nothing, nothing.” He quickly stands to meet you with a shake of his head, nervous at the look you give to him after his comment. You’re nothing like Reginald Hargreeves. You both know that. Klaus just says whatever comes to his mind. You both also know that. “Alright, alright. Just - let’s try one more time.”

“Yeah and remember I’m not doing this for me, I’m doing it for you.” You glare at him, “Asshole.”

Klaus furrows his eyebrows and bites his bottom lip. “Ugh, I love when you degrade me!” He shakes his hands up and down, jumping slightly, “Gets the blood flowing, the adrenaline pumping.”

You just watch him, “Hopefully some of that blood will go to your brain.”

“Yes, just like that. Keep going!” He moans loudly, scaring off Luther who was just about to walk into the kitchen.

You begin to walk away, rolling your eyes. “Okay, we‘re done here.”

Quickly, Klaus rushes to meet you. Placing his hands on your shoulders and leaning down to be eye level with you. The closeness the two of you share almost stuns you, making you gulp nervously.“Alright, alright.” He sighs, “Let’s do this.”

“Are you going to take it seriously?” You question him, watching his expression closely. Klaus just nods like a child. Not good enough. You know that if you don’t push him a little, he’ll never listen. “Are you?”

“Yes, okay!” He laughs, letting go of you and walking back to sit on the kitchen bench as he speaks. Some part of you misses the contact. “I just don’t think I have any more powers to discover. Channelling the dead and lifting shit with my mind is enough for me.”

Half agreeing, you nod. It’s only been a month and a half since you both discovered Klaus’ new ability. You were all on a mission, one of your first since being recruited to The Umbrella Academy along with a few other people born on the same day. It was a dire situation. 

You had been training for months before being placed on the field with the original team. And in that time, you and Klaus have become extremely close. Not everyone who had abilities wanted to be a hero. Not all had the luxury to. 

One girl had the ability to manipulate the earth. And she utilised it to tear buildings down and send debris flying everywhere. In a quick moment, large cement was sent flying your way. You had no time to move. And you all thought it was the end. Until it just... stopped. Mid-air. Out of the blue. It was Klaus. 

That’s never happened before. Everyone seemed to stop in shock but you stared in admiration as the cement went flying in the opposite direction. The look you shared with Klaus at that moment was one you had never shared before; and one you haven’t shared since.

“Look,” Sitting opposite him, you shrug. “I know you hate your dad - we all do - but maybe he was right. His journals said you were the third most dangerous.”

“Because I’m hotter than all my brothers and sisters.” He replies simply, subsequently remembering his agreement to be serious. “Okay, sorry... You didn’t disagree but go on.”

You take a long, deep, loud sigh and he gazes at you fondly. “I think you’re capable I’d much more than you care to admit.”

“Is that so?” He wonders, pouting his lips as he rests his head in his hands.

You nod with a hum of agreement. “You know you’re special, you’re just scared of admiring or proving it.”

Klaus shuffles towards you, feigning interest and curiosity. He widens his eyes for a split second, “Go on, Y/N.”

Folding your arms, you raise an eyebrow at him. “You know that if you live up to your potential people will expect more of you. And you think that’ll make it worse when you can’t live up to their expectations.”

Leaning back on his palms, Klaus looks down at you and you nearly melt under his intense gaze. “Hm.” Is all he mutters, “And what about your abilities?”

“What?” You scoff, with a laugh, “the ability to nearly be crushed by flying sidewalk?”

He clicks his tongue, “Not quite.”

Ever since you were little, you’ve been able to talk to animals. Yeah, sounds weird but it can be pretty useful. Especially during fights. “You know I only have one power.” You shrug, furrowing your eyebrows at him.

Shaking his head, “I don’t think that’s true.”

Sitting on the bench beside him, you continue, “This isn’t about me, Klaus, stop deflecting.”

He throws his head back slightly, looking back to you and the glass of water before you. The same glass he’s been staring at for the last half hour, trying to move it. “Fine.” Klaus breathes, watching the glass, “Where do I even begin?”

“Just imagine it moving?” You suggest, cringing when he gives you an unamused look. “Think about how you felt the last time you did this.”

Klaus’ face falls significantly. Even the thought of losing you makes his chest ache. That day, the possibility or losing the one person who understands him was all too real. It seemed to take over at that moment and it was like a natural instinct to protect you.

All those feelings come rushing back and Klaus can feel it transforming into energy, adrenaline, power. The glass shakes, lifting up in the air and... pouring water all over you.

Your mouth hangs open and you instinctively shut your eyes as the cold water drenches your face and neck. “Really, Klaus?”

Leaning forward and wiping the water from your eyes with his thumbs, Klaus laughs loudly and you open your eyes to see his wife smile. “Hey, at least I did it.” He smirks, glancing down to your wet lips as his smirk turns into a gentle smile.

I really want to kiss you.

You feel your cheeks heat up, “Huh?” You ask him, wondering if you heard him right. You were too focused on the green in his eyes.

“I said at least it worked.” Klaus blinks, still watching you closely.

You shake your head, “No, after that. What’d you say?”

“Nothing.” He furrows his eyebrows, smiling as though you’re trying to trick him. 

Wish I could tell you.

“You can tell me anything.” You reply.

Klaus pulls back now, his hands no longer upon your cheeks. “How are you doing that?”

“Doing what?”

“It’s like you’re reading my mind.” Klaus widens his eyes.

You put your hands up in defence, “I’m not doing anything!” You admit, watching him puzzled. “Hey! Maybe it’s you!”

“What?”

“Maybe you’re projecting your own thoughts into my head?! Think something to me!”

“Wha-”

“Just pretend you’re talking to me but in your head, I don’t know.”

“Okay...” he shrugs, closing his eyes and making a confused expression.

 Y/N, this is dumb.

“Y/N, this is dumb!” You repeat, eyes wide as you kneel on the kitchen bench in excitement, “Telepathy! You’re communicating things to me through thought transference.” Klaus doesn’t seem super excited like you do, “Klaus, this is amazing!”

Yeah... he shrugs, sending thoughts into your head, but I still want to kiss you.

Your smile fades as the tension returns to the room, suddenly making everything serious. You find yourself gulping, unable to stop the nerves. Klaus notices this and he pulls away slightly, wishing he had just stayed quiet like he has been doing for the past few months.

“We don’t have to.” Klaus shakes his head, “I know it would change the friendship we have. And I don’t want that to happen... I’d rather have you in my life any way I can than not at all.”

Leaning closer towards Klaus, you feel your breath catch in your throat. He just watches you, his eyes flicking from your curious eyes to your parted lips. When you’re inches away from one another, both your breathe mix as one between your bodies. “Klaus,” you whisper, eyes glued to his perfect lips.

“Yes?” He replies with a dry throat, leaning even closer when you place a hand on the back of his neck.

“Kiss me.”

Upon hearing this, Klaus doesn’t rush to press his lips against yours. He lets a slow smile spread upon his lips as his hands rest on your waist. Completing the action together, you both lean in. Your noses brush, making you laugh lightly before you both begin to kiss.

You and Klaus can’t stop smiling, making it even more difficult to press your lips together. Your teeth keep bumping and your noses keep brushing against one another’s. But it’s perfect. And sweet. And it’s Klaus.

taglist: blathena exquisitex113 scorpionxloveimaginexmeintheuniversemultifandom-ramblings mega-trash-cringe the-one-and-only-celine thehanwen 

[dandymeowth]

On the outskirts of the city, power lines sag and buzz, overloaded with electrons as the demand for air conditioning soars and the entire grid is pushed to the limit. In an Arizona heat wave, electricity is not a convenience, it is a tool for survival.

As the mercury rises, people die. The homeless cook to death on hot sidewalks. Older folks, their bodies unable to cope with the metabolic stress of extreme heat, suffer heart attacks and strokes. Hikers collapse from dehydration. As the climate warms, heat waves are growing longer, hotter, and more frequent. Since the 1960s, the average number of annual heat waves in 50 major American cities has tripled. They are also becoming more deadly. Last year, there were 181 heat-related deaths in Arizona’s Maricopa County, nearly three times the number from four years earlier. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, between 2004 and 2017, about a quarter of all weather-related deaths were caused by excessive heat, far more than other natural disasters such as hurricanes and tornadoes.

...........

“What will the Hurricane Katrina of extreme heat look like?” he wonders aloud as we sit in a cafe near the ASU campus. Katrina, which hit New Orleans in 2005, resulting in nearly 2,000 deaths and more than $100 billion in economic damage, demonstrated just how unprepared a city can be for extreme climate events.

“Hurricane Katrina caused a cascading failure of urban infrastructure in New Orleans that no one really predicted,” Chester explains. “Levees broke. People were stranded. Rescue operations failed. Extreme heat could lead to a similar cascading failure in Phoenix, exposing vulnerabilities and weaknesses in the region’s infrastructure that are difficult to foresee.”

In Chester’s view, a Phoenix heat catastrophe begins with a blackout.

..........

When the city goes dark, the order and convenience of modern life begin to fray. Without air conditioning, temperatures in homes and office buildings soar. (Ironically, new, energy-efficient buildings are tightly sealed, making them dangerous heat traps.) Traffic signals go out. Highways gridlock with people fleeing the city. Without power, gas pumps don’t work, leaving vehicles stranded with empty tanks. Water pipes crack from the heat, and water pumps fail, leaving people scrounging for fresh water. Hospitals overflow with people suffering from heat exhaustion and heatstroke. If there are wildfires, the air will become hazy and difficult to breathe. If a blackout during extreme heat continues for long, rioting, looting, and arson could begin.

And people will start dying. How many? “Katrina-like numbers,” Chester predicts. Which is to say, thousands. Chester describes all this coolly, as if a Phoenix heat apocalypse is a matter of fact, not hypothesis.

“How likely is this to happen?” I ask.

“It’s more a question of when,” Chester says, “not if.”

Extreme heat is the most direct, tangible, and deadly consequence of our hellbent consumption of fossil fuels. Rising carbon-dioxide levels in the atmosphere trap heat, which is fundamentally changing our climate system. “Think of the Earth’s temperature as a bell curve,” says Penn State climate scientist Michael Mann. “Climate change is shifting the bell curve toward the hotter end of the temperature scale, making extreme-heat events more likely.” As the temperature rises, ice sheets are melting, seas are rising, hurricanes are getting more intense, rainfall patterns are changing (witness the recent flooding in the Midwest). Drought and flooding inflict tremendous economic damage and create political chaos, but extreme heat is much more likely to kill you directly. The World Health Organization predicts heat stress linked to the climate crisis will cause 38,000 extra deaths a year worldwide between 2030 and 2050. A recent study published in Nature Climate Change found that by 2100, if emissions continue to grow, 74 percent of the world’s population will be exposed to heat waves hot enough to kill. “The more warming you have, the more heat waves you have,” says Michael Wehner, a scientist at Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory. “The more heat waves you have, the more people die. It’s a pretty simple equation.”

.........

Extreme heat is already transforming our world in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. Disney executives recently voiced concern that rising temperatures will significantly reduce the number of visits to their parks. In Germany, officials were forced to put a speed limit on the autobahn because of fears the road would buckle from heat. The U.S. military has already incurred as much as $1 billion in costs during the past decade — from lost work, retraining, and medical care — due to the health impacts of heat. The warming of the planet “will affect the Department of Defense’s ability to defend the nation and poses immediate risks to U.S. national security,” a recent DOD report said. Forests and soils are drying out, contributing to explosive and unprecedented wildfires. Habitation zones for plants and animals are changing, forcing them to adapt to a warmer world or die. A U.N. report found that 1 million species are at risk of extinction in the coming decades. Another study by researchers at MIT suggests that rising temperatures and humidity may make much of South Asia, including parts of India and Pakistan, too hot for human existence by the end of the century. As scientist Peter Gleick, co-founder of the Pacific Institute in California, told me, “There is a shocking, unreported, fundamental change coming to the habitability of many parts of the planet, including the USA.”

.................

But the greatest risk to human health may be in areas that are already hot, where temperature increases will strain habitability. In the U.S., the fastest-warming cities are in the Southwest. Las Vegas, El Paso, Tucson, and Phoenix have warmed the most, each by at least 4.3°F since 1970. Globally, many of the hottest cities are in India. In May, a deadly heat wave sent temperatures above 120°F in the north. The desert city of Churu recorded a high of 123°F, nearly breaking India’s record of 123.8°F, set in 2016. There were warnings not to go outside after 11 a.m. Authorities poured water on roads to keep them from melting. A 33-year-old man was reportedly beaten to death in a fight over water. The preliminary death toll in India for this summer’s heat wave is already more than 200, and that number is likely to grow.

How hot will it get? That depends largely on how far and how fast carbon-dioxide levels rise, which depends on how much fossil fuel the world continues to burn. The Paris Climate Agreement (which President Trump pulled the U.S. out of) aims to limit the warming to 3.6°F (2°C). Given the current trajectory of carbon pollution, hitting that target is all but impossible. Unless nations of the world take dramatic action soon, we are headed for a warming of at least 5.4°F (3°C) by the end of the century, making the Earth roughly as warm as it was 3 million years ago during the Pliocene era, long before Homo sapiens came along. “Human beings have literally never lived on a planet as hot as it is today,” says Wehner. A 5.4°F-warmer world would be radically different from the one we know now, with cities swamped by rising seas and epic droughts turning rainforests into deserts. The increased heat alone would kill significant numbers of people. A recent report from the University of Bristol estimated that with 5.4°F of warming, about 5,800 people could die each year in New York due to the heat, 2,500 could die in Los Angeles, and 2,300 in Miami. “The relationship between heat and mortality is clear,” Eunice Lo, a climate scientist at the University of Bristol and the lead author of the report, tells me. “The warmer the world becomes, the more people die.”

...........

The psychological impacts of extreme heat are obvious to anyone who’s ever felt cranky on a hot day. But the impacts go beyond crankiness. When temperatures rise, suicide rates can go up at a pace similar to the impact of economic recessions. Some aspects of higher cognition are impaired. School test scores decline, with one study showing decreases across five measures of cognitive function, including reaction times and working memory.

The link between heat and violence is particularly intriguing. “There is growing evidence of a psychological mechanism that is impacted by heat, although we can’t yet say exactly what that is,” says Solomon Hsiang, a professor of public policy at Berkeley. Some scientists speculate that higher temperatures impact neurotransmitters in the brain, resulting in lower levels of serotonin, which has been shown to lead to aggressive behavior. So rising heat may literally alter the chemistry in our brains. One study showed that police officers were more likely to fire on intruders during training exercises when it was hot. Andrew Shaver, a professor of political science at the University of California, Merced, analyzed data about conflicts in Afghanistan and Iraq and found that attacks by insurgents involving RPGs and assault rifles increased with higher temperatures, while planned attacks did not. “During conflicts, higher temperatures seem to provoke more impulsive aggression,” Shaver says. One speculative paper projects that by 2099, due to rising heat, the U.S. could see an additional 22,000 murders, 180,000 rapes, 3.5 million assaults, and 3.76 million robberies, burglaries, and acts of larceny.

...............

A recent poll found that two-thirds of Arizonans accept that climate change is happening, but most elected officials in the state, including Republican Gov. Doug Ducey, are hardly climate activists. Arizona is one of the sunniest states in the nation, and yet only 6.5 percent of the state’s electricity comes from solar power. A statewide ballot initiative in 2018 to require 50 percent renewable power by 2030 was soundly defeated, in part because the parent company of Arizona Public Service, the big public utility in the state, spent more than $37 million on false and misleading arguments about how transitioning to renewable power would raise power bills and destroy the Arizona economy.

“We have a large number of elected officials who don’t believe in climate change, period,” says Stacey Champion, a longtime Phoenix energy and climate activist. “How do you get effective, data-driven policy if you have people pushing hard against it because they are batshit crazy, or they are afraid it will spook companies like Nike who want to come here?”

....................

Air conditioning is one of those paradoxical modern technologies that creates just as many problems as it solves. For one thing, it requires a lot of energy, most of which comes from fossil fuels. AC and fans already account for 10 percent of the world’s energy consumption. Globally, the number of air-conditioning units is expected to quadruple by 2050. Even accounting for modest growth in renewable power, the carbon emissions from all this new AC would result in a more than 0.9°F increase in global temperature by the year 2100.

Cheap air conditioning is like crack cocaine for modern civilization, keeping us addicted and putting off serious thinking about more creative (and less fossil-fuel-intensive) solutions. Air conditioning also creates a kind of extreme heat apartheid. If you’re rich, you have a big house with enough air conditioning to chill a martini. And if you are poor, like Leonor Juarez, a 46-year-old single mother whom I met on a recent July afternoon when the temperature was hovering around 115°F, you live in South Phoenix, where sidewalks are dirt and trees are few, and you hope you can squeeze enough money out of your paycheck to run the AC for a few hours on hot summer nights.

On hot days, Juarez’s small apartment feels like a cave. She has heavy purple curtains on the windows to block the sun. “I could not live here without air conditioning,” she tells me. Because she has poor credit, she doesn’t qualify for the usual monthly billing from Salt River Project, her utility. Instead, to pay for electricity and keep her AC running, SRP has given her a card reader that plugs into an outlet that she has to feed like a jukebox to keep the power on. Juarez turns on her AC only a few hours a day — still, her electric bill can run $500 a month during the summer, which is more than she pays for rent. To Juarez, who takes a bus five miles to a laundromat in the middle of the night because washing machines are discounted to 50 cents a load after 1 a.m., $500 is a tremendous amount of money.

She shows me the meter on the card reader: She has $49 worth of credit on it, enough for a few more days of power. And when that runs out? “I am in trouble,” she says bluntly. Juarez, who works as an in-home caretaker for the elderly, says she knows of several people who lived alone and died when they failed to pay their electric bills and tried to live without AC.

[ruwithmeguys]

This tweet came in response to this

You don't mind if I blabber on about Oliver and his Queen for a bit... do you?

AW THANKS!

I write a LOT of fanfiction. Even when I'm not writing I'm thinking about writing. I haven't even started looking at writing a novel yet BECAUSE Olicity are so freaking vocal in my thoughts right now. The thing I enjoyed about Oliver is that, at the start - at the very beginning when he was a grasshopper, a young man who looked kind of creepy in photos - he's actually a pretty normal guy, for the most part.

Prior to his shipwreck, he's an egotistical, horny, immature, ignorant, naive, manipulative player of a young man. Basically, he's your a-typical jerk who hasn't lived in the world yet or experienced much of anything at all beyond parties and money.

He's also lonely. Desperately lonely.

WHAT? OLLIE QUEEN, WITH HIS MOUNTAIN HIGH NOTCH-POST WAS LONELY? He had a family, Tommy and Laurel. Sara. Raisa. LONELY????

Yup. He was a very lonely boy. And he had zero clue that he was - he just knew there was something wrong with him. A hole inside him, a chasm he didn't know how to fill or close. Even with Tommy, he felt it.

It wasn’t a pleasant hole. It didn’t feel particularly nice. (But I think each of us has it inside if us; each of different strengths and tastes and for many, it transforms into maternal/paternal instincts or passionate drives... for a rare few it becomes something quite different. Oliver is the personification of one of those few).

It was why he didn't give a shit about breaking rules and hearts. Nothing was enough to fill this hole. It's no excuse for doing what he did and he knows that.(Again, it's been a long while since I truly watched prior seasons but I remember that when I did watch, there were a few things that stood out.) But he felt barren of care about it too.

He was a shallow creature. It wasn’t that he didn’t have anything but space between his ears: it was what he did with it (or didn’t do) that made him appear so very shallow. He distanced himself with it, made all the worse by how easy it was to be so empty. By how much he was allowed to get away with: 

his mother loved him unconditionally. She knew he was behaving as a cad, but he was also her beautiful boy and could do no wrong. She didn't care that he played around or that he hurt people; she made those people disappear and he probably reminded her a little of Robert (Moira who lived like a woman who believed this kind of behaviour was the norm in men).

Robert loved him the same way. He advised but he never laid down the law, even when it was sorely needed; but this wasn't because of blind love. It was because of guilt, because of his many wrongs that would one day come back to bite his son.

Thea, who was a secluded section of Oliver's universe: he could do no wrong with her.

Laurel, who loved him blindly.

Sara who loved him because he was a shallow mess.

Tommy who was so similar to him.

They only helped enable his character - it wasn’t their fault, wasn’t even his fault; most don’t know who they are when they turn 20 - however unknowing they were. Moira Queen was the worst of it: she applauded his every move, smiled at his transgressions, taught him that he would be forgiven each time, that he would have refuge. It was almost as if she allowed herself to see the innocence of her husband as opposed to the infidelity, the deceit and the sheer insult of his MANY ill doings. 

And so on...

Oliver didn't fit in. There's a reason why it was so easy for him to behave in such a self destructive way: yes, he hated himself for not being better, being smarter, being cleaner, being more. He thought he was worthless.

Why can't I stick to education?

Why is it so easy for me to lie?

Why don't I love laurel enough not to cheat?

Why is it so terrifying to even try to be a better man?

Why don’t I want things?

Why don’t I care?

Oliver saw it as being too weak, too bad, too cowardly to strive to be better. But he was afraid of trying and finding nothing there, inside him, worth knowing. He was afraid of himself.

Again, he also felt alone.

He lived the kind of life most dream of, but he didn't feel whole. There was something missing and it troubled him because he had everything? What was so wrong with him that he couldn't hack it even when he was handed everything on a literal silver platter?

Why was he so bored already with his life? Why didn't he care the way he should? Why was it when he was with Tommy and his mother and Laurel - why didn't he feel real with them?

Oliver, by 22, hadn't connected with a single soul; not really. Not truly. Not the way he needed. Sex? That's easy. Giving of thy body is so much easier than connecting with a person on an emotional level and revealing to them everything that you are. He understood physical pleasure very well; emotional satisfaction? It was beyond his reach.

Everything that Ollie believed he was back then wasn't worth knowing.

It was easier to:

Play the field

have fun

not think about troubling things

date his friend because it's the natural progression of friendships with females, right?

cheat

lie

fornicate

act like a dumbass for CNN and WEBG because it was entertaining and made him feel like he was relevant 

do absolutely nothing and still receive the kind of unconditional love he knew he didn't deserve

Oh! And let’s not forget-

Go on a pleasure cruise with his girlfriend's sister when said girlfriend starts to talk about moving in together which is the last thing he'd ever want.

Hey! Since I'm a coward, why break the habit of my 22 years when I can just take Sara and let my relationship implode while I'm miles away balls deep in her hotter, more malleable sister who I've been screwing for the past three months behind her back? That way, it'll all be over when I come back and I can just spend the rest of my life avoiding her, feeling a marginal amount of guilt for it.

Golden. Sorted. Nuke planted.

Even Tommy thinks he's a BOSS - dude, screwing both sisters at once?

Even if one's LL?

ESPECIALLY since one's LL. Like no other guy has ever wanted to be in your shoes right now. Sara's HOT. I'm green with envy.

It's the perfect, perfect thing to do. Get out of dodge and let gossip do the hard work. She'll be half over it by the time they return, surely. She's better than he is, emotionally.

She's better altogether.

she's kinder

nicer

smarter

beautiful

a good friend

She's everything he should want but doesn't... he doesn't fit the norm his parents did. 

(the norm where you love and marry but don’t quite love enough not to stray over and over again, creating illegitimate children who will feel the fallout in your staid, but Oliver is clueless about his parents)

He doesn't fit in the world LL was planning for them. He doesn't fit LL. He should want her, but he doesn't. The thrill is over; he dated his 'good girl next door' friend and it wasn't bad... but for some reason, it isn't him. She isn't him. 

He isn't ANYONE. His identity is the jumped up playboy he's pretended to be over the years; pretended because, there's no joy in it for him. He get as many orgasms as he likes: what he enjoys is the deception. The fact that he can sink as low as he likes. The fact because he’s a rich bad boy, he can get away it.

It’s a game.

He loves her but he always had: she was his friend first after all...

Breaking the rules however? That feels very much him. And what a crappy thing to be feel right about. Being the bad guy feels right. There's no hope for him.

But he can pretend. So he does. He goes onto the Gambit and spends three days in bed with Sara Lance.

Then the ship capsizes. He looses Sara. His father. the boat. Any chance at returning home. Despite what happens over the next five years, it confirms things: he didn't loose them because of any bomb. he lost them because of who he is.

A cheater

Selfish

Manipulative

morally repugnant at his core

capable of dark acts

A bad guy

How else could he do and become the things he did and became over five years if, on the inside, there wasn't something inherently wrong with him?

How else could he kill and maim and plot and scheme and defame and destroy and conceal if it wasn't an extension of the badness within? The sinking of the Gambit simply revealed him for what he is. Slade knew that too. That's why Oliver killed him. To keep that secret, a secret.

There's no hope for Oliver Queen.

He doesn't deserve it.

Hasn't earned it.

His destiny is to sink deeper into the black...

But he accepts his father's last wishes because deep down, Oliver BELIEVES. And hopes. And if he does this, maybe he can be forgiven for what he did: for dooming Sara, for going on the Gambit. For being responsible for his father’s death who wouldn't have killed himself if not for Oliver, it's his fault he (and sara) were ship wrecked, it's his fault shadow died, his fault her father died... if he hadn't been selfish none of it would have happened.

If he hadn't been so rotten at the core, he'd have loved ll enough not to run away.

He wouldn't have corrupted sara

his father would have survived on the island and returned home

his mother wouldn't have lost them both

his sister would have a father

tommy would never know just how dark, how evil his best friend is

Quentin wouldn't hate him, wouldn’t become an alcoholic later

Oliver would never know the monster inside himself

The rest of him can't accept that there's any light at the end of the tunnel so his hope, his belief, is crushed inside a tiny box deep within the brittle rock encased around him. Hope is a bigger killer than self-hate.

Hope is a length of rope to hang himself with: it’s infinitely more terrifying than falling into black.

A cognitive dissonance forms; a fissure. A schism. There's half of him that's formed over the years away - something inside him that always existed - that he cannot accept, half himself he denies the light, denies to look upon. He hides it beneath a hood and calls it his mission, his mask.

But then he's back in Starling and-

FEELINGS, EMOTIONS, THOUGHTS, MEMORIES.

Attack. Attack. Attack.

Expectations. Nagging. Watching.

Love, hate, regret, guilt.

Shut it down. And he does... except he doesn't, because he's not a machine. He wishes he was. He wishes he could simply right his fathers wrongs and disappear forever without feeling a thing about it. But he's human. And humans need things because we're selfish and people were born to be with people. We need and grow and thrive with people.

And so does he.

It's difficult to keep his mask on because he's more human - more kind, gentle, loving, compassionate, selfless, hopeful - than anyone else. And yes, it was cultivated by his years away, but what human hasn't been made aware of the ugly truths of themselves in hindsight? It's 20/20 for a reason.

And LL-

Her hatred feels like relief.

He deserves to feel it, he's earned it and it's proof he exists. Proof he was loved. Proof that there’s SOMETHING to be redeemed. Proof that he was 'Ollie Queen'. A man who doesn't put on a hood to shoot arrows into people. He was once a guy who had a girl and treated her badly.

Then LL forgives him and the relief becomes hope.

Then she takes it away and he's back down the darkest hole. That’s fine. Both feel good. Both are toxic.

He doesn’t have to strive this way...

Not that he understands the wrongness of it all: he has no idea. He thinks relationships work this way; he thinks that people are pushed and pulled and hurt and hurt and hurt-  it's like sandpaper over skin. It’s supposed to smart, isn’t it? That means it's real, right? He thought once that love was supposed to be like in the movies, was supposed to be deeper, was supposed to instil great strength in him but he was a fool

There's only LL

Only love he overestimated

only feelings of guilt and regret and shame

care

affection

memories

the past

She hasn't changed at all, except she's.. bitter. Wary. Distrustful. She doesn't smile like she used to, like she was FREE. He did that. He owns it. And she's made him own it, she's thrown at him. It's his fault after all. He should take responsibility. Let her hate him. It's only right. 

He hates himself: pile it on. He KNOWS what hate feels like. Understands hate and anger and pain and grief and misery.

His mission comes first anyway, and it's easy to prioritise because it does FIT him. He feels more himself as the Hood than he does as Oliver. There are no lies there. Just the animal. The creature crafted over five years: Except he isn't all knowing and he needs help.

There's a face he remembers, a face he locked away, one he sees dreams sometimes but never acknowledges because it would mean... something. Keep it simple and clean. It just is what it is. A face... that made it easy to breathe.

...wasn't she an IT girl?

Maybe he should see someone else...

Except he's already looked her up because, again, her face stuck with him. A sweet face. A face he could manipulate if needed, right? That's the reason.

It wouldn't be a hardship to charm the information out of her. To flirt and play. Maybe he could date her. Sleep with her if he had to, he could.

Would.

So he walks into her office, willing to go any lengths and only a tad curious about whether his memory is as good at it seems and-

...oh.

Oh hello heart, it's been a while.

Suddenly he's very aware of every breath he's taking, of every thump in his chest. Of the way his lips are curving-

HE'S AWARE.

He's present in a room with a woman who's red lips, who quick wit, who's knowing and pretty blue eyes could keep him awake at night if he let them.

She's... funny. Without trying to be. And it’s genuine rather than forcing on a smile and laughing because he's supposed to. She's quick. Intuitive. Scarily perceptive and his plan to manipulate, coerce and excrete charm goes out of the window.

He's the one charmed. But he's got a job to do so he starts the lie and-

Of course she sees right through it. It was deliberately pathetic for a reason, part of the charm. Part of the manipulation. But it's not a flirtation: he just looks at her and stupidly says the words and he doesn't sound like an idiot. He sounds like he's testing her instead and-

She. Sees. Right. through. His. Bullshit.

He hoped she would, but not like this. I see your lie, but it's fine. I'll help you. You look like you need help.

He drops the fake. And. He. doesn't. care. at. all.

Doesn't even try to fight it.

Trusts it immediately.

Sits down behind her and watches her work... calculates. Plans-

No. He can't have it- it's wrong and indulgent and like sunlight in the dank, darkness of lian yu. He doesn't deserve it. Hasn't earned it-

Though he liked it. Wanted more.

He'd kill her.

Stay away.

And he does... for a while... until he doesn't, can't because INFORMATION.

Convenient.

Would it be so bad to have something, someone in his life that can shine a light? That can make him smile just once before he dies. Wrap her in bubble wrap. Keep her safe. From me. And then he can bring her in, at a respectable distance. One of the world's treasures kept safe by him.

He's no knight but it would be an honour.

He couldn't let her go alone and unsafe in the world NOW. Not now. Not after meeting her. Not after seeing the way her fingers twitch and twirl as her mouth curves around's words that make his mind whirl, that make his world tilt in very nice ways. Something about her lingered with him, always. A marginal comfort. Bringing colour into the dark.

He can look at colour.

He can look at light.

Maybe he'd be brave enough to touch it too. Maybe. one day. If he doesn't die, Which he knows he will so... there’s nothing to fear.

And ONLY if LL can forgive him because-

Because Felicity is so far beyond any of them: better, brighter, purer, kinder, and so much smarter than LL, than anyone... if LL can't have faith in him again, how could anyone as incredible as Felicity Smoak do the same-

Yet she does.

She saves his life, trusting his word when he's given her no reason to. I mean, what can he even do with that? That doesn't compute, he doesn't understand it. But he knew it was true without even giving it voice because he feels the same and how strange that is.

He's so damn thankful for it.

She's... willing.

She saved him. She didn't have to, but she did as he asked.

She knew... she knew he was liar, a killer and she still helped him.

She wants to be in his orbit - actually wants to be near a monster like him

She said only until they found Walter but she stayed...

She remained.

He can keep her.

Like his own personal sun, down in the dark basement. He doesn't deserve it, hasn't earned it... but she seems to think he has. If Felicity Smoak believes he's earned it, then who's he to deny or argue that point? Maybe there's hope yet.

She's good. Right.

She's everything he isn't: there’s a list, he likes it

She's never wrong

Even when she is, she isn't, I can attest to that

She trusts him for some reason

it's terrifyingly easy to trust her back

she slots in like a missing piece

she wants to help people, save people... more than he does.

She's patient with his many weaknesses and issues

he didn't need to explain why he killed people, why 'the violence'; she immediately compartmentalised

she doesn't make him feel like less for his violence, for the holes in his rotten soul

she's harmless

she's the most dangerous person to him, given her vocation... but it doesn't seem to matter

she's so smart, he's in awe of every word out of her mouth

when he isn't in awe, he's tickled

or bashful

or pleased

or puzzled

or grateful

...never guilty

she talks circles around them all and he never tells her how much he enjoys hearing her every word, even as she's flustered

especially when she's flustered

He can keep her close without her being close at all; a source of nourishment from some place far away- and she is.

Far away.

And he seems to start getting his ducks in a row.

Felicity encourages him to help people instead of just targeting names in a book and it feels good. Is this allowed? He's bonding with Thea. his mother FINALLY sees that placing expectations on him won't bring back the child she lost. And maybe... maybe he's not SO bad… after all...

Maybe he can heal the past by being everything he wasn't:

The good son

The admirable brother

the loyal best friend

the reluctant hero

the trustworthy boyfriend

But he's tired. And he hurts and when he's not trying to connect with someone-

Helena, McKenna

-he just WANTS TO BE FORGIVEN FOR SOMETHING. Even if he doesn't deserve it.

And abruptly she's right there: offering. LL. It's easy. Like wish fulfilment. And Tommy isn't biting. He's pushing them away, even when Oliver tries to get him to see the light because there's only so much Oliver can take of all these opportunities to lighten the load in his chest, on his shoulders and in his head.

He can make it work. He can be the Ollie he never was. The man they all miss. He can fix the past: he doesn't have to continue be the man who killed his father, who killed Sara and Shado.

He can be the Ollie who never went on the Gambit.

And so... when LL's feelings change, it feels like forgiveness. Like relief. He can try again.

She responds exactly how he knew she would because, deep down? He can read LL like a book. He can read her because she's easy to read: she loves him. He can see it clearly and just because he doesn't love her the way the storybooks tell you you're supposed to, doesn't mean he can't go back-

Except it's too easy to leave her in bed. Alone. To avoid her calls because- busy.

She may not come first now but once the Undertaking is over he can hide that part of himself and pretend it never existed. He can live, solely, for repentance and it doesn't sound so bad. Living a life making up for his sins. For everyone's sins because, why not? Maybe he'll go to heaven that way. The lies he speaks feel like the truth: LL has always known him... even though she never knew him. It's still true because he will make it true.

He will BECOME the man she fell in love with. The lie. He'll do it, even if he has to act the part for the rest of his life.

It's the only way to forgiveness.

But first, they have a catastrophe to stop and he's never been able to stop one before. Maybe now is the time, but if he dies? Everyone will be fine. They'll-

If you're not leaving, I'm not leaving.

...oh

‘Hello heart; that's the second time I've felt you beat: twice in one year.’

Her words sound an awful lot like... like he'll never be alone as long as she lives.

Well then.

Well...

That's...

No one has ever promised him that. It wasn't even a promise: it was a statement of fact.

I guess... that means she's never allowed to die.

That's a fact too, because he doesn't want to be alone ever again. With the void in him. The part of him that nothing and no one has ever filled, saved those beautiful words just now. Words he didn't think he'd ever hear. Even if she isn't close, as long as she breathes then so shall he.

It's stunning. A literal voice in his ear and a metaphorical one in his head. He'll never be alone again. Can he trust that? It soothes the black in him, quietens the doubt like nothing else has. He takes it with him, holds onto hope-

Casts it aside when everything falls, fails. He failed. He didn't save the city. He made one man the enemy instead of clearing the underground tunnels. He didn't save Tommy. 

He can't save anyone.

He's no hero.

And there's no more going back because, how can he without Tommy? With that high a price for trying to do the impossible. LL wasn't the cornerstone there, it was best friend. And she suffered for his selfish attempt too, like she always has. She was always better than him.

He so sorry that he can't love her the way she deserves. He can't tell her that he never did. Ignorance is bliss.

There's just... something wrong with him. He was never meant to exist with people. He should have died on the island.

Trying to rebirth the past is meaningless now. He can't do or change anything. There's no point in staying.

He leaves.

But he makes sure to dump a nice helping of cash into Felicity and Dig's accounts: that's all he’s good for. Maybe it will make them just a little happy. They're better off without him there, because he's a disease. He can only hurt people or run away.

He runs away. He’s good at that too.

Five months alone bring him a small amount of peace: sometimes worldly things get in the way. But he can't stop thinking about Tommy...

Then THEY are there. They came to his personal hell on earth, willingly. No one else would, he knows that. And he’s exasperated, frustrated but it's so good to see them-

Feel them.

She's warm. And beautiful. And she's asking him to come BACK-

But he can't because everything he touches turns to ashes.

Except she needs his help and so do thousands more. His family's legacy is crumbling before him and he has to take responsibility.

It's almost too easy to listen, even as he hates that he has to return because-

FEELINGS. EMOTIONS. MEMORIES. ATTACKING HIM.

Even as he wants to because loneliness is a slow killer too and he'd rather die fast, die standing. Die with people.

...he keeps looking at her. Can't help it-

She draws the eye.

His eye.

And she's saying things that hit him every single time in ways he doesn't know how to face.

She SEES him.

It's like she's decided she's done watching him. She's stepping up. She's SHOWING him the way.

He's in love with that. He needed her years ago. He doesn't deserve it... but she's reaching out and offering her hand. He's almost too scared to touch it, but he does.

Now he's hanging onto her every word, only realising ten seconds in that they've been looking at each other ten seconds too long-

He's relying on her so much more than before. Needs her. For everything:

Queen Consolidated

his mother's trial

she-

-made him a bow.

HER bow. her touch. her ideal. HER.

It doesn't feel drenched in darkness: it's heavier. There's a weight to it now that she's asking him to bear but it settles well in his chest and finally he can breathe a little. She's everywhere; the foundry has touches of her- his life is suddenly filled with her and he doesn't mind. It doesn't scare him.

The idea of her ever leaving does scare him, even as she promised she never would if he didn't.

So he won't.

They're a team. It always worked with John but she's become the heart: it doesn't beat or flow without her and he doesn't question or care how it happened.

The mission changes: it has to. Tommy was the sacrifice for his judgement before. That can't happen again.

Felicity can't be the sacrifice... and he doesn't know why she's first in his thoughts there. 

There's Starling, the Glades and the family company. Isabel.

He's a natural at thwarting women who want to spar with him: it's all an act. Sleep with her, keep her quiet. Make her see there's no difference in them really. They're both crappy people trying to save a dying company-

Felicity’s there...

He's had sex before, with other women before; why does this feel worse?

Why does it feel like shame?

And she's a good person; she'd never use sex as a weapon, never use her body so shallowly. Any man who'd want her to isn't worth her time.

I'm not worth her time.

So when she asks and he's glad of it because her silence was deafening, disquieting - he could tell she'd been waiting to ask and he-

looks

her

in

the

eye

…….oh

THAT’S what he’s been feeling.

It's intense, the way his heart jumps at her. The way the truth settles down on him as the words he speaks become a different kind of truth. He can sleep around with women like Isabel because they mean nothing.

Not her.

Not FELICITY SMOAK-

because he doesn't stay longer in the foundry because he likes it down there; that's where SHE is. She made it her home too. Where the clacking of fingers on a keyboard becomes preferable to the silence, like therapy. He doesn't look forward to a work day because he loves his job: he hates his job, but he likes spending the day with her.

He’s taking advantage of her. 

She asked him to try a better way and he has, because it wasn't just about honouring Tommy. It was about working towards the light with her, his guide.

And he realises he's been falling for a while.

But he can't let himself land so he lets her leave-

You deserve better than her.

There's better and then there's Felicity and her words, her voice that beckons and stuns him and- FUCK.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to feel this way. He'd liked her from day one, had been attracted to her intelligence, her wit, her compassion and her short skirts. Her GLASSES. Her lipsticks and nail varnishes.

Her smile.

But that was all...

The Count seals the deal. He gets it. He won't kill but he'd gladly kill for her. He'd break rules for her without feeling guilt, and he doesn't feel guilt- None.

But she's affected and sorry and he can't let her feel that way so her lets her see just a little of what's inside him.

You come first

you're important

to the city

but mostly to me

you're never thanked but I couldn't do this without you

there's no choice to make when it comes to you

And that’s why nothing can ever happen. 

But Barry creates an ugly furl in him, something he's never felt. Is it... jealousy? For a kid half his size and triple his intelligence? Yes.

But like a lot of things, Barry makes Oliver see: these thoughts he's been having? They can’t happen. They need to be shut down before it spirals out of control. Put her first.

Sara helps there.

It's part distraction, part comfort, all a shield to feelings that twist turn him inside out in the best ways.

Sara who can take care of herself so he doesn't have to

Sara who's beautiful

Sara who he might be able to be himself with

Sara who was exactly like him

Except they argue about everything and her darkness worries him. Their methods clash, their ideas clash... and before long it starts to feel like he’s trying to fix the past again but he can’t help it. The pull is relentless. He still wants more than anything to go back and make up for what he did.

The monster that he is-

Except Felicity called him a hero. Her words are gold. Everyone in the world could stand against him... but she thinks he’s a hero.

But he’s with Sara and Sara needs help, needs to be shown the way. Felicity and Diggle - they taught him that killing shouldn’t be a first port of call. There’s always ANOTHER WAY.

But Sara CAN’T. And if she can’t then how can he?

Yet she isn’t wrong: they don’t bring out the best in each other... they don’t bring out ANYTHING. She’s worried about touching him with her darkness? She needn't: she never touched his heart, not really.

His heart is in a lock-box, along with his hope. Which is good because-

S.L.A.D.E

-who knows that deep down, Oliver is as dark as they come. He's not a hero. he's a traitorous coward who deserves for history to repeat itself and it does in the worst way. 

Because I’m a disease. 

Slade, who is a product of Oliver's making. Slade who shows him to the world for who he really is.

Even when Felicity disputes this, he knows it's true.

It would be easy... so easy to sink into her. To take her into himself, breathe deep, devour her whole until he’s surrounded and filled with nothing but her. Her eyes are offering it. 

He isn’t worthy.

I can’t.

And he wants to sink away and die, wants to allow his sins to destroy him and maybe that would take away all the problems- But Sebastian is involved and a danger to the city. LL is involved. Her father. His friends.

He has to be strong. He has to stop Slade the way he should have done the first time. He has to stop him, not kill him; but it feels impossible. He's only one man, a failure of a man...

And of course… of COURSE... she's there and she tells him the truth; what he needs to hear. And when she holds him, when he realises his partner is with him 100% through thick and thin he's finally able to acknowledge why he's holding her back. Why she gives him strength. Why her opinion matters the most. Why he dreams about her. Why, when she’s near, he’s stronger.

whoever you love the most.

The ruse is easy because it's real.

He can tell her without telling her and it feels so easy, so good, so natural.

He's in love with Felicity Smoak, not Sara. Not Laurel. Felicity. She could never love him back as he is, but he can hope with that look in her eyes.

And she's stronger than them anyway; she's the one who stops Slade. 

After everything lost, it feels like salvation. 

-

I’ll continue this, but it’s already so LOOOONG!

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