#also the stomach-dropping line of ‘But it was happening again.’ so fucking sickening. the admission. the futility of the effort.

[discard-celestia]

lestat de lioncourt - on the deer which runs faster than itself. Hélène Cixous, Stigmata / Anne Rice, The Vampire Lestat / Interview with a Vampire (2022) / Catherine Malabou, Ontology of the Accident / Czeslaw Milosz, New and Collected Poems: 1931-2001 / Louis Moe, Allegory / Ovid, Metamorphoses / Ethel Cain, Ptolomea / The Company of Wolves (1984) / Lingua Ignota, I WHO BEND THE TALL GRASSES / Hugh Parry, Ovid's Metamorphoses: Violence in a Pastoral Landscape.

[buffcontrol]

New Short Story: “Athleticism”

(Female to male bodyswap, race change)

Sora watched with disappointment as all of her friends were accepted to universities on prestigious sports scholarships. She hadn’t received even one letter of admission and time was nearly up — all of her girlfriends had already decided on where they were going. They were all off to schools in Seoul and Busan and a few were even going overseas to study. Meanwhile, Sora had failed so far to get into even her own community college. She was humiliated.

Her grades had never been so good. Throughout senior high school, she had been preoccupied with boys, mostly — shopping to find more attractive dresses, studying makeup tips on Youtube and going on as many dates as she could. She never had the energy to study with the amount of time she spent running out to cafes and practicing her eyeliner in the mirror. It resulted in a boyfriend at least, but even he had kicked her to the curb one he got his admission letter. She was utterly dejected.

If only she had tried a little harder at volleyball, she thought. It wasn’t that difficult. And her friends going to university on athletic scholarships weren’t even that much better than she was. If she had just applied herself, practiced a little more, her grades wouldn’t have mattered and she would be off to university with her boyfriend in tow. But that dream was over: she hadn’t been good enough at volleyball, she hadn’t been smart enough and all she had gotten from her high school career was an expensive wardrobe and some makeup skills.

Maybe she’d end up being an esthetician, she thought. That wouldn’t be so bad… But she felt tears welling up as she longed for the life her friends had. “I wish I was more athletic,” she moaned.

She hadn’t imagined that some cosmic force might have been listening. That fate was ready to intervene. She hadn’t even thought of what she was saying when things started to change.

Sora was lying on her bed and attempting to stifle her tears when she felt a sudden heat swill through her skin. It was like a fever had suddenly loosed from her bones and submerged her whole body. And the sensation began to grow hotter from the base of her slender, white feet.

They were getting bigger. She hadn’t noticed at first, her eyes welled with the residue of her crying, but as she sat up straight and wiped at her face, she saw her toes beginning to expand inside her little pink socks, decorated with flowers and cherry blossoms.

The feeling began to quickly rush up from her feet and over her calves and lower legs. They were expanding, pushing out into lengthier, sturdier limbs as they enlarged over the end of her bed. Soon her new, meaty soles would touch the floor of her room. A sharp pricking revealed the emergence of dark, brown hair slowly beginning to line her entire legs before a set of rough, burly toes ripped from her pink floral socks.

“What’s— what’s happening to… me,” she asked in fear. But the words were hard to remember. It was like her native Korean was becoming more of a second language. “What… this is?”

She clapped a hand to her mouth. The voice didn’t sound like hers. And why was she speaking as if she only knew as much Korean as a foreigner? The fear coursing through her only became more dramatic as she felt the the width of her fingers inflate one by one as they grew thicker and burlier covering the entire width of her face, little knots of hair sprouting around her knuckles and the back of her wrists.

She needed to get up. She needed help, she thought. Something was seriously wrong. She stumbled up from her bed, finding her legs so clumsily long and thick with new muscle she could not operate them properly. She stumbled like a lost bird before toppling to the ground where she watched her legs grow into two overlong hunks of flesh. Even her calves had become radically pronounced and bulbous as if spheres of sheer muscle had been planted inside them, and her thighs were suddenly ripped with wedges and valleys of defined bulk. And they were so wide — they seemed almost double the size of her waist. With a final push out, they desecrated the last of her skirt, leaving her lace panties exposed while hair began to crawl further up her thighs.

Sora could only scream like a little girl, but she found that the voice erupting from her throat was low and gravel-like. Rocky and deep. It was no longer her voice, it was that of a man’s and one that did not belong to her. She covered her round lips with her strapping, wide palms, just to discover even her forearms were growing blocky with muscle. She didn’t even know muscles like that existed. And as it rose around the bones in her arms, stretching and pulling in new directions, she saw her skin was taking on a decidedly lighter tone. It spread from her fingernails and into her plump fingers before racing up her arms: becoming white.

Watching the changes take her body, she was overwhelmed with the tremendous weight possessing her upper arms. Her biceps pushed up so quickly they ripped through her school uniform, shredding the fabric and leaving her embarrassingly exposed. Despite being alone in the room, she sheepishly tried to cover herself up somehow, hide herself from the humiliation of how much of her body was visible. But her arms were such an absurd and lewd size at this point, it was no use; no matter how she adjusted her swelling arms, they revealed a wild thickness and muscle.

Her chest, too, was expanding. She had nice sized breasts — it was always what she received compliments on from boys — but the weight accumulating in her upper body was different from before. It popped the last buttons of her uniform and revealed her pink bra beneath where she found the bouncy flesh of her chest replaced with broad sinews of strength. Her nipples shrank and centered into a symmetrical face.

And across her new broad chest came a quickly encroaching layer of light hair. She cried out again, her voice even more masculine than before, as she desperately tried to swipe away at the new hair. It only grew thicker as she itched at it in place.

Her neck grew wider as her spine readjusted to fit her strange new height. Her countenance was changing too, she could feel her mouth getting wider and her lips thickening into a straighter, more square shape. Her petite, button like nose became broad and demanding as the nasal tissue stiffened, and her brow dropped and dug toward the lower half of her face. In her closet mirror, she watched as her jaw became rectangular and cut with the appearance of facial hair that immediately sickened her with disgust. Her small and delicate face was gone: staring back at her was a freakish foreigner bodybuilder. Finally, her long black haircut shriveled up into a tight brown crop as her eyelids unfolded and the muscles across her face realigned. She tried to think of how to say help in Korean — the word was totally vanished from her mind. Instead was a different word which echoed around with a startling familiarity. “Hilfe!” she sobbed. Tears bobbed down her big, boyish face. “Hilf mir!”

Cowering and beginning to cry in horror at what had happened to her, she awkwardly stood and walked in her usual dainty fashion toward the mirror. She had trained herself to walk with her hips, one foot in front of the other, which looked horribly ridiculous in the six foot four frame of this man she had come to inhabit. She’d been a whole foot shorter before.

“Ew…” she muttered, examining the hair stricken across her handsome face. And that was before she noticed the sudden musky smell of sweat move up from her exposed armpits. When she looked down to examine them, she nearly jumped in horror at the amount of wiry hair springing from them.

“This can’t be me…” she said, “this can’t be happening.” It wasn’t until she had finished speaking in her dumb, bro-like voice that she realized none of the words parting her lips were in Korean. What language was it? The words were masculine and brutish -- and she realized, she was speaking German. She panicked as she tried to find any Korean words in her brain and only a horrendously pronounced “annyeonghaseyo” spittled out.

As she was pulling on the features of her face, cringing at the horrible scent of man spiraling up from her, she felt a sudden transformation in the heat in her body. It began to concentrate all at one point, just beneath her stomach, punctuated with a stiff valley of abdominal muscles. The feeling was just beneath it, hotter than before, as if she was incinerating right there. At the crotch.

She stared into the mirror and watched as her lace panties quickly began to fill with the round head of a tremendous white cock. She nearly screamed again, except for that  as she opened har mouth to, the sensation was flushed with extraordinary pleasure. She felt all of her sexual organs push into a new shape as they seemed to exit her body and manifest in the sensitive rod of her new genitals. And they kept expanding until the lace panties were so stretched with flesh she thought they would rip too. Balls descended from her, also scattered with hair, and she felt an entirely new sensation as blood rushed into this strange, massive thing between her thick highs which shot up straight. She was hard as fuck. Her dick finally popped up from the base as an intimidating 10 inch monster against her obliques.

Sora looked into the mirror with shock. She had become truly athletic. She thought: I got what I wanted. The feeling of accepting this truth was unlike anything she had ever felt as her two slabs of pectoral muscle overworked her little pink bra and her new cock throbbed against the bottom of her panties. She moaned: her voice still inflected with a feminine tone as her cry of pleasure came out more like a woman’s whine. She was overwhelmed, but she knew she had to do something with all of this pleasure.

She threw herself on her bed and desperately began to work her cock. It was intuitive: up and down with her hand. She fingered her nipples with her free hand and pressed her pecs together as if they were still made from the breast tissue she had possessed before. She had loved having her breasts played with during sex: this was altogether a different feeling, but the sensitivity radiating in her nipples was enough to make her buck in place. It was a strange feeling, she thought, the pleasure was so much stronger and stranger. As she moaned and squirmed on the bed, her sprawling back and thick, firm ass slicked with sweat, an incredible intensity seized her unlike anything she had ever felt before. For a moment, she was horrified, she thought she might die as her cock suddenly exploded with semen. She was coated in it: with no idea how to control her ejaculation, her cute pink sheets and her 

Weeping in a bizarre guilt and terror, she found the only thing in her closet that would fit her: a baggy dress she had thought was once stylishly oversized. The dress that had been large on her small body now bunched up at her huge chest, so tight her new arms split a seem. Her enormous dick and balls gorged on the material and were totally visible through the white clothes as she marched downstairs for help.

Her family was preparing for dinner. They gasped and screamed as a lumbering German man appeared, crying in a feminine tone at odds with its bovine pitch: “Was ist mit mir passiert? Was ist mit mir passiert?!”

Her family had been shocked by the transformation, but not entirely surprised. Once they had worked out what had ahppened, they said this kind of thing had occurred in their family before, ancestors previously randomly taken by the power of a misplaced wish. Accepting their daughter’s fate, they began to help Sora adjust to her new life. It was extraordinarily difficult with the new language barrier — Sora had to relearn Korean from the ground up and could only express the most basic of desires. Her father had to teach her how to properly wash beneath her balls after she had showed up to breakfast one morning disgusting with musk. Shaving had been a nightmare. She could hardly figure it out, and after not too long she gave up on getting rid of her body hair. She surrendered to the tangle of pit hair and curls across her chest and groin, though she continued to try and lop at the patches of masculine hair on her face. And though it had taken her a great deal of practice, at least she no longer had to sit to piss on the toilet anymore, she had figured out how to pee standing up. She was slowly figuring out how to adapt to this new world.

Wrecked with shame and embarrassment at her ridiculous new form, she was most disgusted to discover how often her new body needed release. Every morning she woke up in the too-small girly pajamas she insisted on wearing with her titanic dick raging and desperate to cum. Her attempts to ignore her new sex drive were in vain: if she neglected her dick for too long, it began getting hard at any moment and leaking with pre-cum.  She couldn’t believe this is what men had to put up with, and twice daily she woefully turned her attention to masturbating, clumsily whacking her dick around until it finally came and surrendered for a time being.

But the one thing that hadn’t changed was her desire for men. Now, only she had to cater to a different crowd. She had wondered at first if the change might make her into a straight man, but she found she was now even more desperate for male attention. She was wildly lonely, only having her teddy-bear for company. The same bear she’d had since she was a child.

Her desire for a man only increased as time went on. She could hardly take the shocked stares she received from other Koreans when she went out in public -- she wanted to scream “I’m the same as you!” despite knowing she was not at all -- but she desperately needed to find someone to give her what she needed. Occasionally, she’d notice other men ogling her body, watching her closely as her girly walk shook her hips and ass as she awkwardly tried to move. 

When she couldn’t take it anymore, she looked up the closest gay bar. She went by herself, sneaking out after her parents went to sleep, and wandered in with her feminine canter and shyness as she blushed and kept her head down. But all eyes were on her. When finally a handsome foreigner came up to her and asked her if she wanted to go home with him, she realized at last why she had wanted to become athletic. As he sucked her dick in his dirty, tiny apartment, she felt an unbelievable pleasure for the first time. She thought, this is why I wanted to be athletic. 

She came with an obscene geyser of cum into the foreigner’s mouth, and she thought that maybe this had been a blessing all along.