#also the psychologist said a thing that i dont like hearing despite knowing goddamn well its true

[gayjunebug]

my evening is remarkably shitty

[journeysintowebcomics]

Homestuck Liveblogs #166

UPDATE 166: There Were Thousands of Words

Last time everyone had gathered at the platform where they’d enter the new universe...if they had one! Because despite things going better in this timeline, the game hasn’t been won yet, all the villains are still free and ready to cause trouble. It’s dialogue time, though, so let’s continue. There are five more conversations left for me to read.

At least Vriska is giving some time for everyone to relax for a moment and talk, instead of going straight to the strategy meeting. Maybe she has stopped playing just for a win...no, no way. But at least she’s giving time to just sit and talk.

TEREZI: 1 DON'T KNOW HOW 1 WOULD H4V3 L1V3D W1TH MYS3LF 1F 1 H4D... GON3 THROUGH W1TH 1T 

You don’t want to know. I think you’d be disgusted with yourself. Thank goodness John was around and trolls are very enduring, who knows how things would have gone if Terezi had bled to death before being able to give John instructions.

TEREZI: 1 GU3SS W3 STUCK TO OURS3LV3S MOSTLY  TEREZI: 4ND ROS3 4ND K4N4Y4 W3R3 4LL... YOU KNOW  TEREZI: SO TH4T L3FT TH3M 4ND TH31R CUT3 M4YOR S1D3K1CK TO...  TEREZI: SORT TH1NGS OUT 4MONGST 34CH OTH3R? W1THOUT 1NT3RF3R3NC3 FROM 4 BUNCH OF CR4ZY FUCK3D UP G1RLS  TEREZI: 1'M H4PPY FOR TH3M  TEREZI: 4ND... FOR M3 TOO  TEREZI: 1F YOU H4DN'T B33N 4ROUND, 1 H4V3 4 F33L1NG 1 WOULD H4V3 GOTT3N SUCK3D 1NTO SOM3 W31RD BULLSH1T W1TH BOTH OF TH3M 

Sounds accurate, and it aligns with a few messages I got pointing that out. They all have a point, yeah. I never expected Dave and Karkat would get as close as they did. Good for them!

Terezi feels strange that they’ll fight the bad guys without Vriska’s help, who I’m completely sure wouldn’t want to not take part of a good skirmish with the antagonists. I don’t know yet what she’s going to do, but I’m sure it’ll be important and significant. There’s no way she’d let it be any less than that. Terezi is also feeling pressured to the best Terezi ever, you know, since another version of her sacrificed herself so she’d be better in many ways. Hm. Well, at least now she has the support not only of John, but also of Vriska. With some luck this won’t go into a spiral of self-loathing like it happened to the other Terezi. Aranea’s absence will help with that, too, no speeches and cunning convincing at all in favor of throwing away the blindness.

Well that was a nice conversation! It’s nice to see Vriska being supportive. Then again, she’s Terezi’s moirail, that’s kind of the moirail’s duty. Still, Terezi needed to hear all that, so yeah, that’s good. Too bad that Vriska’s empathy doesn’t translate to other people, especially since right after such supportive words to Terezi Vriska proceeded to trash Tavrosprite and Jake. Next conversation is with Roxy, Dave and Rose.

Kanaya leaves, leaving Dave to talk with his family. With some luck it’ll have zero Freudian and oedipal slip-ups, but I’m not holding my breath here. Dave is not very good at keeping his mouth shut, hah! Especially when Roxy is very okay with being called mom, despite how weird Rose and Dave think it’d be.

Roxy and Dave are two people I didn’t know I wanted to see in a conversation. They both have the same propensity to weird sentences and strange metaphors, all thrown in fast-paced lines. It’s going to be like another language if they keep going, poor Rose is going to be sidelined so hard here.

DAVE: so  DAVE: you are my biological mother  ROXY: yes  DAVE: and roses  ROXY: yes  DAVE: and therefore bear at least partial and like biologically incidental responsibility for why we are both so fucked up  ROXY: yes  DAVE: but you yourself are a paradox clone  ROXY: um... i guess?  DAVE: which means  DAVE: you didnt even have bio parents  DAVE: you originated from yourself  ROXY: guess so!  DAVE: so you really dont have anyone to blame for who you are except weirdly and paradoxically yourself  ROXY: um.. y.. yes?  ROSE: Dave. 

Dave, you managed to make it all sound so weird and almost accusatory. The nice moment crashed and burned, and I don’t think anyone will be able to retrieve the black box of this airplane to see how exactly you screwed up so hard. He apologizers and reveals this way a way to try to find out about Dirk’s upbringing – and his self in the new human universe – but backtracks at the last moment.

DAVE: depends on if you want to keep sitting in this goddamn pan  ROXY: hmm i dunno  ROXY: maybe our asses are gettin too hot  DAVE: maybe you should speak for yourself  ROSE: DAVE!  DAVE: SHIT  ROXY: lol 

I knew it! It didn’t take not even five minutes before it happened!

They quickly find a few similarities between their lives, mostly about how lonely they were, only having people to talk with through the Internet. At least they’re having fun talking about their hobbies, and Dave sounds genuinely interested about knowing Roxy better. Soon it’s Dave’s turn to give answers. She’s hella impressed with how Rose and Dave reached god tier status. She’s also prone to asking about Dave’s love life. Hoh, too bad this Dave doesn’t remember saying Jane was hot.

DAVE: awesome thanks mom  DAVE: roxy i mean  ROSE: Dave, even I'm having less trouble referring to Roxy by her name consistently, and I was the one who grew up knowing her as my literal mother.  ROSE: What is going on with you? 

He wanted a mom, I guess. I mean, he grew with pretty much no female influence in his life, I can’t rule out that during quite some time Dave wanted to have a maternal figure in his life, and now there it is, and although Dave really doesn’t want to think of her as his mother, he still slips a lot about that. Well, there’s also that like I said Dave has a terrible brain-to-mouth filter. He’s going to call Roxy ‘mom’ a few hundred more times before he stops for good.

DAVE: see rose yall worrying about nothing as usual  DAVE: moms fine with it  DAVE: moxy  ROXY: snort  DAVE: i mean  DAVE: romy  DAVE: mommy  DAVE: wait fuck  DAVE: ok that one was fucked up  DAVE: lets make sure i never ever fucking say that again 

Rose’s going to have a field day with this conversation.

The conversation turns to what these kids would have done if they hadn’t, you know, brought the end of the world with a game and all that. Dave may have gone into paleontology, which is a profession I don’t think many would have imagined Dave would have. Then again, he has a hobby of collecting dead stuff, so there’s a precedent. Rose...hm, maybe she really would have gone for psychology, even though she says she’d have been satisfied with naming herself a psychologist without going through higher education. I can’t imagine what Roxy would have been if she had lived in a normal world. She’s a smart gal, I’m sure she’d have gotten far in anything she chose, most likely in a scientific profession.

I think Dave likes Vriska very much. There goes Vriska again, butting into other people’s conversations. I guess it’s forgivable, given that Rose was talking about her Sburb quest and Vriska is a Light player too. She’s the one most qualified to say something about it.

VRISKA: I don't have any opinion on whether you do it or not, Rose. That's your 8usiness.  VRISKA: 8ut my advice is, if you see your denizen, just make sure you kill her fast. 

Nevermind, her advice sucks. Talking with the denizen has been very useful for everyone who bothered to do it. Don’t fight your denizen unless it’s necessary for any Choice you need to make, Rose. And then...then this story takes a swerve to the very strange and unexpected.

...the heck? Are there going to be two Rose now? Huh. Well, guess your plan to use the sprites to resurrect anyone slain in the future has been summarily destroyed, Vriska, but this may be good! Rose is smart and now she has sprite knowledge and powers, and given that she was a Seer of Light, I think she may be able to gain some good information and intel. Rosesprite seems to be taking all this rather well, unlike alive Rose. The problem I see here is that this sprite has been prototyped only once. Hmmm...maybe resurrection through sprites isn’t off the table yet, although I really don’t think many would be okay with merging with Rose.

You know what I just realized? That everyone is panicking way too much about touching sprites that have been prototyped only once. It doesn’t seem to me like...those who are destined to be alive and well can be prototyped? I mean, everyone sentient who has been prototyped was dead or slated for death already. John once touched his once-prototyped sprite and nothing happened. Who knows...maybe that was just Hussie not having defined all rules yet.

At least Rosesprite is seeing the boon of newly-gained insight as a mystical guide, even if she’s still confused about this all. The actual alive Rose doesn’t like the new development, calling it stupid. I think it can be useful.

ROSE: I seriously have the DUMBEST arc anyone could conceivably imagine.  DAVE: rose we dont have fuckin "arcs" we are just human beings

I think everyone has arcs, whether they realize it or not. That’s life. It just happens.

So, next: Kanaya, Vriska and Karkat. Why do I have the feeling Kanaya is going to find herself in middle of a shouting match.

Vriska doesn’t understand why some people like to keep their love affairs out of the public sight. Hm, that depends on the person and on the couple. Not everyone is comfortable with showing a romantic relationship to the public, but it’s undeniable sooner or later it’s necessary to reveal it. Given Vriska’s personality, she’s not the type to keep her relationships in secret, so I guess this is a case of her own opinions dyeing her view of the world.

There we go, she’s saying exactly what I said about her personality! It’s so nice when I think I understand a character’s motivation and personality. I’ll just pat my back here and continue reading.

Vriska doesn’t want a relationship in any quadrant other than moirallegiance, at least for the moment. She’s fully committed to the battles to come, and romance would be distracting. Now that’s something I fully agree with. I’m remembering why I like Vriska. Guess Hussie’s growingly clumsy storytelling skills aren’t enough to make me dislike Vriska, as much as I feel compelled to. I’m not exactly a fan of hers anymore, but...she’s okay. That’s it.

The concept of siblings and parents are as unfamiliar and alien to trolls as the concept of ‘incestuous slurry’ and culling being a normal everyday thing is to humans. I like that Hussie touches onto the detail that both cultures differ and acknowledge it aloud, even though they both had enough time to get used to it all.

Karkaroni gets all wounded up about Vriska potentially discussing the plans for the group with Kanaya before the strategy meeting. Guess that there’s always time to tell Vriska when she’s doing something wrong! Not that Vriska would let it happen without rebuttal or any type. Step aside, Kanaya, this may get heated up.

Kanaya and Karkaroni are going to work together. Hm, could it be they’re going to retrieve the tadpole from the center of Jade’s planet?

...no, I don’t think Karkat and Vriska having kismesisitude would work at all. I don’t see any compatibility between them, and if this conversation here was Hussie attempting to set it up by trying to sell to the readers there’s a rivalry at progress here, well, he didn’t succeed at that. I’m not convinced at all. It feels...forced, unenthusiastic, nothing like other kismesisitudes I have seen in Homestuck.

At least Kanaya and Karkaroni may be rekindling their friendship. That’s nice!

Next! ARquius, Vriska, Terezi and Dave. I’m not sure how this’ll go, so let’s take a look. Oh god, this is a lot of red.

ARquius has zero bonding capacity with anyone who isn’t Dirk, apparently. No surprise there, given that Lil’Hal pretty much only got along with Dirk – barely – and Equius has no reason to care about any of the humans around here. Vriska loves that.

Since Gamzee is still locked in the fridge, Dave suggests letting him out to breathe, because being stuffed in that fridge for who knows how long must be getting tiring for him.

DAVE: i know hes complete trash but maybe we should just let him out  DAVE: whats the harm its not like he can cause much trouble  DAVE: we all way outnumber him and have way more powers and shit  TEREZI: UM...  VRISKA: No.

Hell no! Well, it’s pretty much a foregone conclusion that Gamzee is going to get away at some point, take the musical boxes and arrive to Caliborn’s side, because he’s essential for the creation of Lord English, but that doesn’t mean you should make it easier for him to get away! Not that Dave knows it, but still!

Well, no, Vriska has her own idea of how things are going to go. She knows Gamzee has a role in the new universe, so once it’s all created, she plans to just...leave Gamzee inside the fridge floating in the ocean or something, and let paradox space take him where he needs to be. Well I suppose...that’s okay...I doubt anyone would be happy about it, but then again, better to avoid a doomed timeline even after victory.

DAVE: so is johns hot mom awake yet?  ARQUIUSPRITE:                           No  DAVE: i mean  DAVE: not hot mom  DAVE: just mom  DAVE: damn  DAVE: did anyone hear that  TEREZI: Y3S  DAVE: shit 

Haha, here we go! Hey! Rose! Roxy! You have to hear this!

DAVE: how much longer til his hot moms awake  DAVE: mom  DAVE: i mean his  DAVE: not mine  DAVE: his mom not my hot mom  DAVE: my mom i mean  DAVE: fucking hell  DAVE: not my mom his  DAVE: johns hot mom  DAVE: JESUS 

No, really, you’re missing a riot over here!

ROSE: Is Dave saying inappropriate things about John's mother over there?  DAVE: no! 

A+ conversation. Thanks for this gem, Hussie, I owe you one. It has been a while since I enjoyed this much a normal conversation between Homestuck characters. It gets even better when Roxy delivers a passionate approval about Dave’s opinion regarding Jane’s attractiveness, and Terezi doesn’t waste time in letting John know about Dave’s opinion. This is fantastic!

Finally, the last one, it is John and Jake, having the one-on-one conversation they had agreed on. Hopefully John will repair some of the damage Vriska did not too long ago.

John, you’ll love everything the other you did in the alpha universe. Jake is willing to tell it all. These two are getting along rather well! Guess that’s because they’re kind of similar, not just on looks. John is more extroverted and carefree, but in the core he and Jake are more similar than they think.

John wants to meet Dad Crocker. Hm. I wonder how Dad Crocker is going to react to this kid who is, you know, his father in teen form. Guess that after being trapped in this universe and locked in a jail to interact with chess people via social network, this won’t be as strange as it’d be otherwise.

I’m glad to see John is doing everything Vriska didn’t do. Jake was still feeling rather unsure, but John is being supportive in ways Tavrosprite wasn’t. This is why John is the main character in this story, he has this way to support people and be helpful nobody else has. Look at this:

JOHN: i love the god tier pajamas, and yours are badass.  JOHN: you look like a super hero!  JAKE: Really???  JOHN: yes.  JOHN: well...  JOHN: maybe a plucky side kick, at LEAST.  JAKE: Heheheheh.  JOHN: side kicks are really under rated anyway.  JOHN: i think in some cases they might be the real stars.  JOHN: like, you know bat man?  JOHN: truth be told, i think he might just be some kind of gallivanting idiot.  JOHN: he's got all the money and skills in the world, and what does he do?  JOHN: he buys a fancy car to drive around in, then jumps out and starts punching crooks with his bare hands.  JOHN: then, when he gets horn swoggled by a wily clown with NO powers, and a LOT less money, who has to bail him out?  JOHN: his side kick of course.  JAKE: Yeah youre right!  JOHN: what is bat man even trying to prove? being all serious and "cool" looking.  JOHN: his side kick looks like he has a lot more fun, and smacks of confidence and self assurance, trotting around in his underpants.  JOHN: bat man probably doesn't even care much about stopping crime, it's more about walloping thugs and getting to feel cool.  JOHN: if he really cared about stopping bad guys, he'd probably use his fancy money to buy guns, and at LEAST show the criminals he's packing, to make them scared, if not surrender outright.  JOHN: i bet his side kick probably just has to wait for bat man to bungle things up with his stupid karate, and when he gets in trouble, the side kick just guns down all the crooks from a safe distance like a sensible person.  JAKE: Well i do love guns!!!  JAKE: ALSO fisticuffs.  JOHN: see? there you go.  JOHN: you're better than bat man already. 

 John is the best.

Karkaroni talks with the Mayor, and Tavrosprite shows allergy to cats, and that’s all. All conversations are finished! So now it’s time for the strategy meeting, so let’s get that on board. What’s the plan, commander Vriska? It starts with a reminder regarding the villains and their location. It’s nothing we didn’t know already, so for the purpose of keeping this particularly long update shorter than it’d be otherwise, I’ll just say that yeah, we all know there are many Jacks coming – and Dirk too.

Conveniently summarized here.

The plan is that they need to keep the Condesce busy and distracted, although I point Vriska’s way of doing that is by constant attacks. Jade will deal with Bec Noir and the Mendicant. Sounds good to me. Union Jack – neat name, by the way – will be fought by a group that includes Jane as a healer. That sounds good, too. Everyone else who isn’t fighting the others will deal with Jack Noir from the troll session...fine?

To keep Jane moving between the groups, Vriska decides setting portals and ways for her to come and go will be important. That sounds good too. Vriska isn’t doing half-badly with this meeting thing, honestly. She’s having sensible ideas and although her way of talking leaves a lot to be desired, the strategies themselves are good. Rosesprite will aid set up this network of instantaneous transport.

Now, combat roles! The Condesce will need to be fought by people capable of keeping her busy. Both Lalondes – which have a lot of reasons to want the Condesce dead, may I add – volunteer immediately, and John joins them. Kanaya, despite her lack of god tier powers, decides to join too. A chainsaw is a fearsome weapon, that may work. Before that Kanaya will have to do something for Vriska, though.

Jade will try to keep Bec Noir under control – not that she knows that yet – and Dave offers to fight Union Jack, saying that since everything was making lots of noise about him fighting and defeating Lord English, this is the closest thing he can do without fighting the real Lord English. Hm. Not confident yet, Dave?

VRISKA: For what it's worth, I never 8ought into the idea that you were supposed to 8e the one to kill English anyway. 

Wait, wait, let me guess: you’re going to take that honor to yourself, aren’t you? If I’m right...then you’re very easy to predict, Vriska, wow.

Terezi will join Dave in fighting Union Jack, and Dirk may join, too. Think it’s a good idea to get Dave and Dirk in the same team? Dave may get distracted. I think Dirk wouldn’t, but Dave is a completely different matter.

ARquisprite is a loose end right now.

ARQUIUSPRITE:                           Instead I would prefer to blaze my own trail, with my own hooves  ARQUIUSPRITE:   I always wanted to do something really important and heroic 

Wonder if he’d consider ‘being part of Lord English’ important enough. It’s not heroic, but it’s important for the preservation of the timeline.

Vriska, it’d be fantastic if you stopped being a slimy pile of condescension already. Thank you. Karkaroni, Jake and Tavrosprite will do what they need to do with the Jack from the troll session, even if it makes Karkat unhappy to be considered ‘one of the dregs’. No, I was wrong, Karkaroni will have to work with Kanaya in their mission. So Jake and Tavrosprite will have to do it by themselves? I’m not sure about this...not to insult Jake or anything, but one person against sixteen is kind of uneven.

Vriska, it’d also be fantastic if you stopped patting your back so hard. You’re going to shatter your spine if you say another paragraph of praises to yourself.

Karkaroni and Kanaya’s duty is pretty much what they had to do in the other timeline: go retrieve the tadpole! Yeah, thought so. I don’t think they had time to do that in the other timeline before things started to go awry, and I see nothing that could stop them from achieving it this time. Should be no problem!

John receives Earth in an 8-ball, and is told to give it to Jade later. Fixing that planet once the universe is created will be important. I’m still pretty amazed Earth could fit in a wallet.

So that’s the end of the strategy session. It was okay, I guess. My opinion of Vriska’s role in all this degraded more and more the longer this went by, honestly. I’m glad it’s over.

JOHN: vriska, what's YOUR part in all this, aside from making all these air tight plans?  JOHN: you've been making it sound like you won't be here when all this happens!  VRISKA: Of course I won't.  VRISKA: I'll 8e off doing something much more important than all this.  VRISKA: I'm traveling to the furthest ring to go kill Lord English. 

Well that was predictable. I’m not even going to feign a look of surprise here, because of course Vriska would claim for herself that fight. Augh. She’s going to take the ghost army, though, so at least she won’t be doing it all by herself.

Everyone forms their groups to start arranging their battle strategies, although Dave doesn’t like to do it without Dirk around to give input or agree about anything. There’s something disrespectful about it. Vriska gets tired of his moping and decides to bring Dirk already into the session. You could have done that long ago? Why wasn’t it done before? Really, I think...I don’t understand why not to bring him before. Dirk is brought into the platform, bouncing around, and that’s it!

And there we go! That’s the end of this update. Quite long, right? There was a lot of dialogue to read, that’s for sure. Thank you for reading this all!

Next update: next time