#also the process of her transforming into an organic thing is literally so horrifying??

[lolathepeacocklord]

GOD DAYUM !! ALONG CAME A SPIDER FUCKIN ME UP LIKE CRAZY!!!

[bullshit-in-disguised]

How would you describe Cade's journey from his transition into a Transformer, let alone a Beastformer, knowing the power he holds now and the unimaginable dangers he is in, until his phase of accepting himself for who he has become?

Was his emotional state okay? Did he had deep depressing thoughts? Did he have to go through a new language exchange? And how was his first time trying to transform into a dragon, was it okay? Did he hurt his back or something? There's so many I'm curious to know

OH HONEY I CANT WAIT TO TELL THE SHIT THAT OLD BURGERS HAVE TO GO THROUGH.

I ALSO I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE ASK THESE QUESTIONS TO ME!!!!

It’s a lot to take in

Honestly it him hard as a freight train that he might never get a chance to live a normal human life.

Like imagine one day you just minding your own business and then all the sudden. You feel this unimaginable pain going on your body, as you see a piece of your flesh start to melt into metal without any warning. Everything feels heavy now, you can’t breathe, see or move as everything in your body starts to turn into metal and then you passed out unable to stay conscious as the last thing you see is your blood turning into a glowing green color burning you alive and then your out.

Your memories of your dying organic body are a blur but can recall the pain and the sounds your orgains literally melting off your own body. It’s like drowning in the sea of acid.

Then you wake up again, everything is now fuzzy as you try to get up…but everything feels so unfamiliar now. The new sensations hits like a truck as you notice there are now massive how big you are, your body is now made of metal, your mind is struggling to control these new feelings and the sensory overload your having it the systems in your mind and body. The worst part you wake up in a government facility, your rattled mind try to process what happened….but it can’t the newly feral instincts take over your frantic mind. Fillled with adrenaline you transformed for the first time into a beast. Attempting to claw your way out of the place. You were frantic as now your getting held down by metal beings that you can recognized but can’t.

But after being coaxed out of that frenzied state by your horrified daughter and your worried Spouse. You have a gradual realization of what just happened. You turned into a transformer…the same race as your spouse and the others…

In the nutshell that transformation was not easy for Cade’s mental health at that time.

His emotional state is a wreck, it takes him a long time to come to terms of what happened to his original human body and the consequences that follow. He actually suffers derealization episodes and depressive episodes because of how unfamiliar his cybertronian body is to him. Thankfully he does recover from it thanks to his family and professional help. He eventually sees and gets the best out of this situation, the idea of being a transformer is pretty cool to him now and feels more connected with the autobots. So accepting his new life is something that he has to come to terms with. But can’t help it, but to mourn the lost of his organic body.

Being strong enough to basically to kill a person with a single strike is terrifying. He often frets of the possibility of hurting Tessa or Izzy by accident. This doesn’t help that he has claws so that’s another worry. Cade is often struggling to get used to the new strength and power that he now possess. He’s often hesitates to hold humans, especially when he’s holding Tessa with the palm of his servo terrified of crushing her by accident. He often shakes with anxiety, Optimus often have to teach Cade for to control his strength so he won’t hurt anyone by accident.

Plus he has fire breath so that’s a bullshit issue that he has to deal with.

Being a beastformer is hard for Cade to get used to. He has to control his own emotions, keeping his instincts in check is extremely important to make sure he doesn’t lose it. AND SPEAKING ABOUT THE BEASTFORM-

When he transformed with into that his beast form without going crazy. He actually gets disoriented and dizzy for a while. Like having your body shift into a different form is pretty cool at first, but holy shit it was dizzy as hell. Transformation is second nature to a cybertronian, but for Cade it felt weird. To him having another form feels strange for him. It’s understandable that cybertronian have modes and he has to get used to that. But moving and talking as a giant scary metal lizard is actually really cool, especially with the distorted beast voice.

BUT- he can’t stay in beast form in long period of time in his first years as a transformer cause it actually affects his walking ability and cause back problems. Like imagine staying in that form for like weeks and then transform in your root form, at first you expect to walk normally but nope Cade just falls face flat on the floor. He couldn’t walk well and just crawls on fours. It turns out that it’s going to take a while for his systems to probably adjust to the mode shifts. It’s a bitch for to get used to. Cade has to use crutches and a walking cane after staying into beast form in long periods of time. Also it causes back problems for him to so often he transforms into beast form. Cade often stays in his berth room recovering. But thankfully he gets used to it, of the point that he no longer have to worry about his back problems and his ability to walk again.

(Fun fact Optimus would often carry Cade around bridal style, when he’s in that state. He always makes sure that his mate doesn’t get hurt-)

However when it comes to cybertronian language that’s a different story. He’s already built in with the power to understand and speak ancient cybertronian. When it comes learning modern cybertronian it’s basically taking a fucking language lesson and downloading Duolingo. Actually downloading data and looking up to the internet is tricky for Cade to do. But once he has the hang of it, he flows well. Thanks to his bond with OP, Cade definitely learned it pretty well but will confuse words, as he tends to mix up sentences at time.

(Shit that bilingual folk go through lmao-)

Honestly just everything is just new for Cade and honestly when he does comes to terms of his circumstances of being a Cybertronian….he’s content.

Like his life before meeting OP and the others was rough and had to make tough calls to keep himself and Tessa a float. Honestly he would miss the human things, that he used to do but that’s it…Cade has no other friends and family from his past to come back to aside from the autobots. He’s content to have this crazy new life, his daughter is safe, he has a lover who’s an Alien robot and his Family of other alien robots. He connects them more than humans and honestly he loves this life. He’s happy to find a purpose to continue to pursue his inventions, but now he can use that to help others in needs. He learned a lot from his time living with the bots. Cade honestly tends to walk forward and keep going forward the future.

In Cade’s mind it’s finding the good out of a shitty situation. Searching for that treasure in the trash…that’s his motto those words that comfort him, when things get crazy and bad for him.

So yeah Cade is not going to have a good time but hey as long he’s with his loved ones.

[thebluestbluewords]

nobody look at me I don’t know where this fic came from either

“....eggs?” Mal says doubtfully. “I’m pretty sure eggs are involved.”

Evie looks horrified. “You need to do a little bit more research than just the idea of blood magic and eggs before I let you go rummaging around inside me!” she says. “I want— diagrams, or charts, or something! Get me proof that you aren’t going to scoop out my organs and then I’ll let you do your dark magic.

“Aw,” Mal says, deadpan. “you wouldn’t let me hold your heart in my hands?”

Evie looks very nearly physically ill at the thought. “That’s very sweet of you babe, but no.” she says, “I do not trust you to open my body up without extensive documentation showing me why exactly it is a good idea to let you go rummaging through my body.”

“We’re making a baby together.” Mal says, earnestly. “You should trust me. It’s important.”

“Yes, I know that.” Evie says with a long-suffering look on her face “and I do trust you, Mali. I just also want some proof that you know what you’re doing before I bare my literal organs to you.”

“Babies are really, really cute.” Mal tries. “It would be your baby.”

Evie sighs, although it’s more dreamy than exasperated this time. “I know.”

“You’ll be able to go all gushy over it,” Mal wheedles. “and it’ll have all three of us as parents this way. Equal rights, you know?”

Evie reaches over to grab Mal’s hands. “You just want to have my babies,” she says. “It’s very understandable. I am the hot one.”

Mal swings their joined hands in the space between them. “Yeah.” she says, maybe a bit mushier than she meant it to be. “I do.”

Evie sighs, and gives Mal’s hand a little squeeze. “Get me the research,” she says, “and then you can harvest my eggs, okay?”

“Okay!” Mal says brightly, without hesitation, and with the distinctive air of someone who already has a stack of medical anatomy textbooks leftover from art school on her desk.

Ben, tucked halfway behind Mal on the couch, pokes her teasingly. “Do I even need to be here for this?” he asks.

“Yes!” Evie says immediately. Ever the responsible one, that’s her. After much practice, they’re learning by now, the three of them, that their relationship conversations tend to go better when all of them are at least in the room. Having one person (Mal) recount the initial debate back to her other partner (usually Evie, because even after four years of art school and growing as a person, Mal still has a weird need to try and fit the status quo, and she generally does sleep in the same room as her royal husband) tends to end up with some miscommunication. “Yes. For sure.”

“Pshh, no.” Mal responds just as quickly. “You’re extra, beastie boy.”

Ben wraps an arm around her. “Oh, I see how it is. My own wife doesn’t need me here. I get it, I’ll go—“

Evie drops one of Mal’s hands so that she can reach out to Ben. “No, no no no babe!!”

Mal snort-laughs. “Bye,” she says, settling more securely into her husband’s arms. “Go on, get. Goodnight.”

Ben drops his forehead to her shoulder for a moment, before lifting it again to look at both of his girls. “Joking, it’s my kid too. What do you need from me during this?”

“Your eternal support and gratitude?” Evie suggests. “Maybe chocolate?”

Mal hums. “Nothing, I don’t think?” she says. “Just be there.”

“You don’t think?” Ben asks. “Should I man the phones in case things go wrong?”

“No!” Mal says, loudly. “Absolutely not! It’s not going to be like a full magic operating room. Nothing is going to go that wrong. I can’t properly hold cells in stasis while I physically transport them from one being to another, so it’s not going to be anything gory like that. I’m basically going to do a find-and-replace between Evie’s egg cells and mine. I’ll get an idea of her blood signature from her menstrual cycle, and then it’s just a matter of locating the correct structures, and I can just—“ Mal makes a schlorping gesture with her free hand. “schoop an egg from her body to mine.”

Ben looks unfortunately fascinated by both the process and the gesture. “Wild.”

“Right?” Mal says, clearly thrilled to have someone ready to appreciate her bloodlust. “I’ll need you afterwards for like, the usual bit, but it’ll be Evie’s genetic makeup inside my body.”

Evie makes a considering kind of noise. “Is blood type going to be an issue with this?” she asks. “I feel like it might make things more difficult.”

Mal shrugs. “There’s wards that should help with that. Plenty of people have assisted pregnancies without using any sort of magic at all, so it should be fine.”

Ben leans his head against Mal’s shoulder again, looking mildly distressed. “Are you going to cast a ward on yourself?”

Mal considers. “Mhm,” she says finally. “I think a sigil would work better, actually. More chance of sticking that way. Probably something with rosemary, for that healing and fertility energy.”

Evie leans in. “What about oak? I think the tannins could really lend some longevity to the process, might be easier than recasting every week, especially if you’re, y’know-- expending your energy elsewhere.”

Mal scrunches her nose. “Red oak makes me itchy, but maybe black?”

“Of course black, what am I, new?” Evie scoffs. “Black oak and blackberry balm as a base, I think. It would certainly make it easier to apply if it’s got that extra stickiness to the resonance.”

“Uh,” Ben breaks in, before the talk can devolve too far into magical logistics. “Can we go back to the part where we talk very slowly about the basic steps for this? Cause I’m not sure if I get it.”

Mal thunks her head backwards, and doesn’t quite hit her husband in the face. “I’m going to do dark magic to produce you an heir, your highness.” she says, teasing. “It’s the fairy magic, you know. Very traditional.”

“Hah. Hah.”

Mal does laugh, because she’s a jerk sometimes. “For real. I’m going to use one of the spells that my mother used for transformations as a base, and I’m going to transfer one of Evie’s eggs to my body, and I’m going to carry a baby for us.”

“And you’re not going to hurt yourself during the process?”

“Magic is never one-hundred-percent safe, babe, but yeah. It should be easy.”

“The magic part of it should be easy.” Evie adds. “Mal knows what she’s doing.”

Mal looks slightly ill for a moment. “Yeah,” she says. “Easy-peasy.”

[monabela]

aaaand one more for eeweek, because the more I think about this pairing, the more I think it’s really cute & good! don’t let that whole bunch of characters scare you, they’re all just mentioned, and this is just a fun little thought process I had.

rules of engagement

characters/pairings: Estonia (Eduard)/Monaco (Olympe), and a bunch of mentioned characters - Hungary (Erzsébet), Romania (Dragos), Finland (Tuomi), France (Francis), Switzerland (Basch), Seychelles (Angélique), Lithuania (Tolys), Belarus (Nadzeya), Russia (Ivan), Romano (Lovino), Portugal (Simão), Greece (Herakles)

word count: 2277 summary: Eduard was prepared for many things while organizing his wedding to Olympe. He had not counted on seating arrangements being the most difficult part.

Really, Eduard had been prepared for many things when he proposed to Olympe. Up to and including a rejection, because you never know, with her. Olympe always seems to have a plan ready, and it wasn’t unthinkable that marriage just wasn’t in that plan, or wasn’t yet. He took the chance anyway, and she said yes, which is amazing.

So, he was prepared to have a stressful time organizing the wedding, because both he and Olympe are perfectionists, and Olympe’s family is… Something. Old money that they are, he expected a million traditions he’d need to adhere to, expected to need to learn how to actually dance a waltz instead of just hoping not to step on any feet during their first dance, expected meddling from all sides.

What he had not prepared for, was seating arrangements. Because he has a small family, and most of their gatherings are informal, even the weddings, and he also didn’t think the friends he wanted to invite would cause trouble.

Apparently, he thought wrong.

“We absolutely cannot seat them near each other,” Olympe is saying, tiredly, sliding the name cards for his sister and her umpteenth distant cousin to opposite ends of the table. “They shouldn’t even be in each other’s sight if we can help it. They have this feud.”

“Why don’t I know about this?” Eduard asks, scrunching his nose enough that he dislodges his glasses. He takes them off to rub the bridge of his nose.

“Because Erzsébet possesses some semblance of common sense, which my terrible cousin unfortunately lacks, so he’s very proud of having an enemy.” She gently picks up his glasses and pushes them back on his face. “I need your brain for this, love.”

“How about we just don’t invite this—” he looks at the card— “Dragos?”

“Oh, no. I’d love to, but I’m not convinced he won’t show up and curse my firstborn.”

“That’s…” He blinks. It never ceases to amaze him how odd her mother’s side of the family is. Olympe quirks a small smile, lips glittering in the sunlight streaming into their kitchen, the table of which they’ve temporarily transformed into a seating chart.

Or, well, temporarily. It has been there for two days now, being shuffled occasionally between work and the other things they have to take care of.

“Don’t worry about him,” Olympe is saying. “He’s alright, just… A little strange.”

“You said that about your brother as well.”

“So did you, about yours, and he asked me if I wanted to see his rifle collection the first time we met. Which reminds me…” She hovers an elegant hand over the table until she spots the card she’s looking for. “If we put Tuomi near Basch, we will have a shootout on our hands by the end of dinner.”

Eduard frowns. “Who even is—”

“He’s not related to me, strictly speaking, that’s my stepfather’s side of the family, but he loves weddings, so he’ll be there.” She considers this, tapping the name card against her chin. “He loves free food, and Francis loves weddings, so he told him about it. There hasn’t been one for a while.”

With that big of an extended family, that seems unlikely, but then, Eduard wouldn’t know the first thing about that. It’s always just been him and his siblings at home, and any cousins he has are so far removed, either in relation or age, that he barely knows them.

“Well, there was Angélique,” she continues in an absent tone of voice, “but she, of course, eloped.”

“Can’t we do that?” he asks, only mostly joking, and she smiles up at him, eyebrows furrowing. On the table, she puts one of her small hand over one of his, tucking her fingers between his knuckles. Her engagement ring catches the light and glitters at him. Eduard hadn’t planned on getting her one—it’s, again, not something his family has ever done—but her half-brother Francis caught wind of his plan to propose somehow, and strong-armed him into using a family heirloom to do so.

Olympe immediately recognized her brother’s hand in it, of course, but she’d been charmed by it, even if she did have to have the beautiful ring sized down to have it fit on her dainty fingers. Every time Eduard catches sight of it, his heart skips a beat. He can’t even imagine what it will be like when she is wearing a wedding ring. He foresees a lot of flubbed keystrokes whenever they play the piano quatre-mains. Olympe probably won’t have that problem. She is always more composed than he is.

“Well, no eloping then,” he sighs, and she laughs softly, tucking a strand of blond hair behind her ear and tapping the side of her glasses in thought.

“I still don’t have an RSVP from Angélique, actually. They’re still traveling, trying to save an endangered shark species or whatnot. I do hope she comes. She’s a delight to have around.”

Having met Angélique, the cousin in question, once, Eduard thinks he might agree. She seemed nice and upbeat. This was a bit of a problem, since they did meet at a funeral, but it would be appreciated at a wedding.

“Oh, wait, there’s another problem,” he remembers.

“Oh, dear.”

“Yeah. Tolys is afraid of Nadzeya.”

Now, it’s her turn to blink owlishly up at him.

“Tolys is— Your best friend is afraid of my maid of honor?” She taps her fingers on the back of his hand. “Well, I suppose she can be intimidating when you first meet her, but…”

“He tried to ask her out. Twice. She said no.”

“Well, surely that isn’t so bad—”

“He also said she had a knife?”

“Oh. Oh, Nadzeya, no…” Olympe clasps a hand over her mouth, expression caught between amused and horrified. “She does have… A fondness.”

“Keep both Tolys and Tuomi away from her, then. Erzsébet should love her.”

“Good. They can still be at the same table, then, so long as we don’t put Nadz across from Tolys…” She begins shuffling the name cards around, leaving only their parents in the same place. “How is this?”

“Yes, that… Hold on, no. Your brother’s husband can’t be next to Tuomi.” He shudders. His brother had tried to fight Ivan Braginsky-Bonnefoy the first and only time they met. Eduard has never asked why and has no intention of ever doing so, certain that he is better off left in the dark about this.

Quickly, he switches Tuomi’s card with his mother’s. It’s the best option, he thinks, even if it does mean Tuomi is now between their sets of parents. Maybe they can keep an eye on him. Olympe hums, then moves him again, switching her mother out this time.

“There we go. Unless he’s tried to fight your sister too.”

Eduard laughs. “Tried, and succeeded, but it’ll be okay.”

Although Tuomi is now very close to Nadzeya, only Erzsébet separating them, he thinks that’s a risk he’s willing to take. Erzsébet can talk a lot. Finally, it’s beginning to look acceptable…

“No! Fuck, Olympe, we forgot ourselves!”

She throws her hands up helplessly. “Give me strength. Do you want to be next to your parents or not?” She scribbles their names on extra pieces of paper, writing Eduard Mets-Castil on his and Olympe Castil-Mets on her own. It makes Eduard smile. She isn’t the sort of woman who is very affectionate most of the time, or very obvious about her feelings in other ways—nor is he that sort of man—but it’s little things like this that make it clear every time how much this means to her.

How much he means to her.

Shuffling the cards until they finally make sense, she smiles down at their completed work. Well, completed table. The only table that makes sense.

“The rest of this is literally all your family.” Eduard squints at several names he has never heard before.

“I know,” Olympe says, long-suffering.

“Don’t tell me there’s more feuds.”

“Well, Lovino doesn’t like Francis, but that is already taken care of this way, so he should be happy… I don’t think anyone actually likes Dragos, not since they all had that fight about how he doesn’t like garlic—oh, I just remembered, he and Nadzeya tried to summon a demon at my birthday once, so we mustn’t have any candles.”

“I think I see why no one likes him.”

“Right, and then Simão mustn’t be near Angélique, should she come, because he saw fit to marry her foster father…”

“Excuse me?”

“They are close in age, should it help, but it has made everything rather awkward.”

“Is that why she eloped?” he asks faintly.

Biting her lip, Olympe shrugs at him in that measured way that she has.

“Right, of course. Simão and his husband can go with Dragos.”

“Oh, no, they actually aren’t married anymore.” She shakes her head when he pulls a face at her, a hint of amusement peeking through in the twitching corner of her lips. “It didn’t help the awkwardness. But Simão can certainly sit with Dragos, that will be fine.”

Eduard shuffles the cards, trying to keep that table out of his sister’s line of sight. It’s a good thing he likes puzzles. Next to him, Olympe sighs, ruffling the cards already in position.

“I’m sorry my family is such a burden. I hardly know many of them, but if I don’t invite them…”

“They’ll curse us and our hypothetical children?”

She shrugs again, uncharacteristically, and Eduard turns to her in his chair, reaching for her hands. He folds them both between his own, the ring on her finger warm against his palm. Olympe looks up at him, dark blue eyes still apologetic behind her gold-rimmed glasses. There is a small smudge of mascara on her eyelid. She wouldn’t go out with that, perfectionist that she is, and he is somehow honored that he can look at it.

For a quiet moment, he searches for the right words for what he wants to say. Olympe waits patiently, steadily holding his gaze like she’s so good at. He used to find it unnerving.

“You know why I want to marry you?” he asks, after a long moment.

“Certainly not because of my family.”

“Well, I do like Herakles. He’s very nice, and smart.”

“Not the other side of the family, then.” She draws her eyebrows together, smiling ruefully.

“No, of course. I want to marry you because I think… You understand me.” He strokes his fingers over the outside of her slender wrist, where her skin is slightly paler because she’s usually wearing her watch, busy as she is. “Because, somehow, we managed to find a reason not to work ourselves to exhaustion every day in each other, and that is a tall order. We both know that.”

She laughs a little, shaking her head so that her long hair tumbles over her shoulders. That is another one of these things that Eduard is aware she rarely shows to anyone else. Her hair out of its usual stylish but practical braids and updos. He lets go of her hands to lean forward, resting one hand on her thigh and using the other to touch her jaw softly, pushing her hair away.

“And, you know, maybe I’m a romantic deep down,” he continues, “so I want to make that official.”

“Eduard, I know you’re a romantic. You’ve composed no less than five songs for me.”

He grins, and she smiles in return. He is still working on the piece for their opening dance—it has to be perfect. More than perfect.

“What I’m saying is, I want to marry you for you, and you’re worth putting up with your cousins… Summoning a demon, or having a shootout with my brother, or whatever they come up with. All that matters is I walk out of there able to call you my wife, and they can’t ruin that.”

“I don’t know how you do this, sometimes,” Olympe says, wonderingly, briefly touching the hand lingering on her jaw.

“What?”

She puts her hand on top of his on her thigh, long nails tapping a brief rhythm on his wrist.

“Know what to say to me.”

“Practice,” he replies. “I’m sure you remember how often I put my foot in my mouth when we’d just met. I was very intimidated by you. Tuomi will bring it up at the wedding.”

At that, she laughs a light, happy laugh, then leans up and gently presses her glossy lips to the corner of his mouth.

“Thank you, then, for sticking with me. I know it isn’t my strongest suit to say things… Things like this, at least, but for what it’s worth, of course I feel the same.” Now, she puts a hand on his chest briefly, a small warm point mirroring the sunlight on his back. There are flecks of gold in her eyes in this light, and Eduard thinks about how those colors might sound on a piano.

“That’s worth a lot, Olympe.”

Because she’s a woman of action first and foremost—and sometimes that action is diplomatic speech, but there is a world of difference between that and this—so he knows she sometimes forgets to say things.

“Good.” She swipes some hair away from his forehead, tutting. He laughs, captures her hand, and kisses the inside of her wrist before letting go.

Olympe nods, and they both turn back to the table, because if there is anything they’re good at, it’s getting work done, and they have a hell of a task to finish.

[foxchandelier-blog]

Lysandre is actually a really scary villain if you think deeply into the premise of his character.

I’ve done a little bit of research on him already and have analyzed some theories + “evidence” that crosses between the games, the manga, the specials and the anime and, honestly, Lysandre is actually fucking terrifying if we assume his true personality is an amalgamation of all his counterparts.

I mean, for one, he’s really good at manipulating people. You can see this in a lot of ways but the most noticeable one is convincing rich people to buy into his weird-ass genocidal organization. Just thinking about that alone boggles the mind a little because he’s managed to get people to spend millions alone on just getting just a fancy suit and a “promised place in utopia”. 

For two, Lysandre has a lot of control over the Kalos region, more control than anyone should be allowed. Literally let me exist the examples of how much control he has:

1.) Lysandre has control Lysandre Labs - a company that literally doles out all of Kalos’s most advanced technology (a la Pokemon Generations episode 16) - and has made it so that many people likely depend on his services. And, as mentioned in the manga (though I don’t know if this is a games-related factor but I would assume so) Lysandre is a brilliant engineer who’s come up with a lot of this amazing technology, putting him in a place of power through his skills alone.

2.) Lysandre is friends with the Kalos region CHAMPION and REGIONAL PROFESSOR. He literally has them both admiring him and respecting him - a feat usually only reserved for the player character. And yet, all the while, Lysandre is using and abusing Sycamore’s and Diantha’s trust in him to do terrible things. So much so that Sycamore even admits in the games of how he was aware of Lysandre’s wrong-doings but was unable to stop him. 

3.) Lysandre has control over the news media. This is pointed out in the games, in the manga, in the anime, and in the Pokemon Generations anime. And, the consistency is really appreciated because this is fucking scary. Lysandre has the ability to control how people see him through the news outlets. By using Malva - who broadcasts news to most of Kalos’s people - as a biased outlet meant to make him look good, Lysandre can easily spread lies and deceit to get people to respect him. 

4.) I don’t really think this has to be said but Lysandre is very charismatic and a convincing actor. Even if you pinpoint him as the villain early on thanks to his garish design, it’s hard not to notice how everyone is in awe of him or how no one questions his motives. Lysandre is good at being liked, strangely so, and even if you feel an urge to hate him as the player character it’s hard not to notice the way many people in-verse treat him as someone to respect and be inspired from.

For third, let’s discuss the anime. 

The third reason that Lysandre’s so scary is due to his relationship with Alan in the animated version of XY/XYZ/TSME.

Throughout the duration of the show, Lysandre is very much a puppet master moving all his pieces into place. One such puppet is young Alan, a trainer who he’s manipulated and set into place like a toy on a string.

The first time Lysandre meets Alan, it’s actually kind of terrifying to think about. He meets Alan in the midst of ruins, battles him, defeats him, and then coaxes Alan into becoming his minion. Not only that but he uses Alan’s lone role model against him - using Alan’s love for Professor Sycamore to drive him away from the man and into Lysandre’s care only.

Lysandre abuses Alan’s trust in him as an authority figure and makes use of that trust in his favor. He uses Alan as his assistant in his plot, letting Alan think that he is doing good without telling a single lie to the boy. The man uses Alan without remorse, depending on his skills and prowess while also treating him as disposable if he becomes “weak” (as mentioned in TSME episode 4 when Lysandre notes “I don’t need weaklings”).

Furthermore, when Lysandre recognizes Alan’s fondness and guilt over Manon and her Chespin’s condition, he uses that as a tool to get Alan to continue collecting energy. While Alan is hurting over how his actions have caused his closest companions pain, Lysandre weaponizes Alan’s feelings by feeding him tales of “how he can save Chespie” if he just “collects Mega Evolution energy”. 

It’s terrible and it’s downright horrifying. Even as Alan’s obviously breaking down, Lysandre’s first thoughts are not to help the boy but to use Alan’s feelings for his own personal plans. He cares little for how Alan or Manon actually feel and, instead, chooses to use their unfortunate situation in a way that only truly benefits him.

It’s cruel and malicious, selfish and yet cold-hearted. Lysandre’s relationship with Alan is honestly really toxic. He controls Alan, cuts off his closest connections, and weaponizes said connections to put the boy under his control. 

For the fourth reason for why this man is scary it’s because Lysandre thinks he’s in the right and doesn’t think himself wrong. Lysandre’s goals, though seemingly flimsy in design and terrible in the game’s execution, get established in the anime as something almost...sympathetic. In the anime, though it’s only brief, Lysandre explains a little bit of his reasoning for his actions: a reasoning that I will paraphrase here to make sense for the context of his overall character.

His explanation is that he wanted to help people who were suffering, lending them his time, money, and charity in order to help them. At first, he was thanked and appreciated and everyone loved him for it. This was something that Lysandre arguably considered “beautiful”. 

Over time, however, he noticed something changed in the people he helped. They became greedy, wanting more and more of whatever he could provide. He was treated horribly because he could not provide what the people wanted. This, in turn, opened his eyes to the “ugliness” of humanity. He grew bitter, grew spiteful of the people he helped because they saw him as something akin to a tool rather than as a hero. 

This doesn’t explain how he developed genocidal tendencies, of course, but it does give a realistic background story that I can believe and yet somehow sympathize with. Lysandre wanted to help people. But, in doing so, he made them greedy. They wanted more from him, wanted him to do more things for them because of their “rights”, and this greed ultimately makes Lysandre start to snap.

Moving on, I think a lot of the inspiration for Lysandre’s deeply off-the-rockers  and genocidal maniac transformation lies in the real fictional story of “The Picture of Dorian Gray”.

In said story, the main character - Dorian Gray - comes to be inspired by the views of a man known as Lord Henry Wotton. Lord Henry believes fully in beauty as the only thing being worthy of being pursued in life. Taking up this view, Dorian Gray wishes that a painting of himself would age in his place so that he can pursue nothing but beauty and sensual fulfillment.

Taking this (very short hand) explanation of the plot in association to Lysandre, I think there’s a connection here. Dorian Gray, upon becoming smitten with the idea of endless beauty, seeks to keep himself beautiful forever. And Lysandre, who’s views of the world have warped into ugliness, seeks to pursue that beauty, wanting to rid the world of “ugliness” (human greed, “unworthy people”) so that he can keep the "beautiful” all around him (the “chosen ones”).

This ties back into the story’s themes of life and destruction. 

Lysandre seeks life to keep himself and the “chosen ones” beautiful, to keep Kalos looking as pretty as he feels it should. 

But, Lysandre also seeks destruction (or, if you’re like me, death) and wants to rid Kalos of its impurities (people who are “consumed by their greed” and “unchosen” just like members of Team Flare or people who fail to realize what beauty means). 

And, while pursuing the beauty of Kalos, he’s created such a mindset that only HE is in the right. He is the only person who realizes that Kalos is losing its beauty and, therefore, it’s up to him to make the world beautiful.

This is further pronounced in the XY manga. There, the ugliness of humanity is further brought up in the way the Kalos region reacts to tragedies. When a whole town is destroyed and left in shambles, those who did not experience the tragedy “shake it off” and “remain smiling in their day to day lives”. 

There’s a certain kind of ugliness present in this scenario. The people of Kalos who weren’t involved in Vanivelle’s destruction live on happily. They smile and carry on their day-to-day lives while ignoring the suffering of others. This shows humanity’s weakness: humans do not care for things that don’t concern them personally. It’s a gut punch kind of message because it’s honestly kind of true. Until something impacts a person personally, they won’t care for the misery of others and, instead, choose to go about their merry way while another person suffers the consequences of things like poverty, famine, war, etc.

And, in a way, it kind of makes you think Lysandre is right to want to retain beauty and to destroy anything that messes with that ideal. If someone isn’t beautiful - if they’re greedy or selfish or unsympathetic to the pain of others - than you kind of understand why Lysandre would want to get rid of those kinds of people. 

This is what makes Lysandre scary: you can sympathize with and even understand his thought process on a deeper level. He’s a genocidal maniac who’s too obsessed with beauty, yes, but there’s an underlying understanding of why he likely ended up the way that he did.

In conclusion, Lysandre is actually legitimately a terrifying villain and if he was a real person we’d all be really scared of him. He’s charismatic and manipulative and holds a lot of power in his hands. He can influence people and has control over how a lot of people as a result. His obsession with beauty, with correcting the path of humanity for its greed and impurities, not only reeks of real-life historical implications but also of realism too. 

Lysandre’s the kind of villain you would expect to see in real life, someone who, if stripped of his Pokemon-verse significance, would easily exist as a person in the real world. He’s cunning and knows how to take control. Not to mention that he’s rich and the kind of person who could easily hide under the kind facade of charity. Lysandre is a dangerous man, far dangerous than any first glimpse of him might suggest, but he wields power like a sword and has the ability to determine between life and death at a moment’s notice.

[j0sei]

Hoo boy, do I have some opinions about this movie. I saw it at noon today and I'm still processing some things. I largely agree with The Ragin Nation's first review. The editing is so abrupt and the pacing is so fast at points that I'm actually having trouble remembering certain things. Most of the time I just wasn't engaged in what was happening. I'm gonna say straight up that this review will be disjointed because I'm still thinking about what happened and, well, I'm a lousy writer lol.

Absolute favorite part of the movie: Cogman. 90% of the time he's on screen, I'm clutching my gut. Amazing, amazing character. He has the best lines. Cogman: (cheerfully) Master, if you rip a human's arm off they'll do whatever you tell them to! Sir Edmund: ...what is wrong with you? Then there's his head spinning while he threatens to crush Cade's windpipe and the part where he talks about being filled with road rage while pounding the steering wheel and singing Ludacris' "Move Bitch." I don't know why most of the other Transformers weren't that well-written but Cogman was gold. Thankfully, he doesn't die. Unfortunately, while he is called a Headmaster, he doesn't do any Headmaster-like things. Sir Edmund is a cool character, too, but he dies at the end. Anthony Hopkins is incredible as always. I like Laura Haddock's performance. Vivian is clever and funny and by far the most interesting human character after Sir Edmund. Cade is, uh, as he always is. His bluff about punching a kid in the face isn't really that funny, but texting his daughter with smiley faces to look at the sky for him at the end is pretty endearing (even if cell phones shouldn't really work up there lol). The Daytrader is another interesting character that's only around for two minutes. He knows what the little medallion thing is and what it represents before anyone else, so I wonder if that's a hint for later movies. His comment about Hound possibly having a drinking problem was actually pretty funny. Also his suggestive comment about taking an oil bath and Drift's revulsion at the image. Drift does some interesting sword yoga/meditation. He seems like he still struggles to keep his violent impulses under control. The baby dinobots are never explained at all. Unnervingly, the Autobots are a little callous towards them. Drift threatens to kill mini-Strafe (and plays with him afterwards, so I don't think he was too serious but he WAS violently swinging his sword at him) when mini-Strafe interrupts his sword yoga and Hound actually shoots one off a roof with his bullet cigar. He calls having them around a "Transformers puppy infestation.” Cade calls mini-Grimlock "T" and I think mini-Strafe was "P"? Something like that. I don't recall the name of mini-Slug. Hound is also pretty callous about Izabella coming with them on the front lines. She doesn't have to sneak around, he literally just brings her along when she asks. I just remembered the little watch-bot that killed Hitler. WTH. Also the Jetfire look-alike at Sir Edmund’s mansion was a nice touch. EDIT 2: I also like the fact that they actually name names in this movie. I mean, how many characters go unnamed in every movie in this series? I love when Sir Edmund tells Cade that Bumblebee was part of the Devil's Brigade and Cade has a hard time believing it because "Bee's so nice." Sir Edmund says Bumblebee was known for many things—nice was not one of them. I mean, damn. Bee has some skeletons in his closet. I wanna know how he handles mowing down humans in WWII when, technologically speaking, they weren't able to hurt Cybertronians at the time. It's actually really uncomfortable to think about. Also the fact that Cybertronians fought in our wars at all. The implications are never touched on. Seeing the crazy-faced eBay picture of Sam from the first movie was cool but there's STILL no mention of what happened to him. Are they leaving things open for Shia to come back or what? I'm 1000% sure that's not gonna happen. One thing I love is how the movie now drops any pretense of Cybertronians doing things—like defying the Laws of Physics—because of superior technology and just says everything is Magic™. Speaking of, Hot Rod's magic gun is AWESOME. One of the best parts of the movie is when he uses it to help Hound push back Megatron. In the one part where Megatron is holding Starscream's head, he calls him his "treacherous friend" and rubs his thumb over Starscream's mouth piece. It was ... strangely intimate. I ship it. Now for the worst part of the movie: Optimus Prime's dialogue. I hate, hate, hate his dialogue SO MUCH. It sounds like Optimus is trying to give a rousing speech all the time and it's awkward and stilted. It's like he's talking AT people instead of TO them; an actor in a play reciting his lines to the audience. This movie takes a few cues from Transformers: Prime, so I think they made Bayverse Optimus more like that Optimus—but in a bad, flanderized way. It seems like the director told Cullen to recite his lines in the most dramatic way and had him call it a day. It just didn't feel organic at all. There's this one line that's so baffling and cringey where he laments betraying humans and how Earth was the only planet he was allowed to call home. WTF? YOU WEREN'T ALLOWED TO CALL CYBERTRON HOME? Also did you forget what happened in the last movie??? It was SUCH a weird fucking line of dialogue. EDIT 1: I just remembered another part where Optimus says he has not heard Bee speak since the fall of Cybertron, but Bee gained his voice back at the end of the very first movie. Uh? Optimus kept saying he betrayed the Knights and Earth but he was brainwashed into it and nothing is said of it. It's like everyone but Cade assumes he did it of his own free will and Optimus himself makes NO point to contradict that. Although, he does get a few good lines. Megatron: We were brothers once! Optimus: Once. Optimus: Did you forget who I am? [kills all the Infernocons in one swing] I am Optimus Prime! Optimus: (to Quintessa) Say 'hello' to my little friend: Bumblebee. Also, am I crazy or did Optimus sound strangely like Sentinel in the beginning of the movie? Almost EXACTLY like him when he landed on Cybertron. But he lands on Cybertron and acts horrified and confused as to what happened to it. Again, did he not pay attention to what happened in DOTM? I just don't understand wtf was going on here. It's bizarre how amazing the writing is in some spots and horrible in others. I did read that they took two scripts and joined them, so maybe that's why? I don't want to say I hate the movie but ... it's like ... it's a mostly meh movie with some really entertaining parts thrown in. I really liked the humor. I didn't think it was forced like the Ragin Nation said. The stinger was definitely interesting and I want to see more, but ... I just think it could have been better. I think Optimus deserved better.

[zephyrthejester]

Reflecting on Season 2

Season 1 was an introspective look at what drove our main characters. It established the setting, told us what is what. Season 2 up-heaved everything; it was a maelstrom of horror and intrigue, plunging both the main characters and the viewers alike into a realm of emotional highs and lows. There's a thousand thousand things to say about the legendary quality of this season, and it pains me that I won't be able to express every thought I have. So in writing this, I'll take it one step at a time, as before.

I will begin by getting the negatives out of the way: I am a bit disappointed that long-standing plot points weren't addressed in any way this season. Corrupted Gems, Triangles™, The Crystal Heart/Temple, Lion (and the contents of its mane), Lars & Sadie, and even Malachite got pushed to the side. However, I am giving the show the benefit of the doubt here. Season 2's pacing was lightning fast, and gave us absolutely fascinating and bold plot developments. Fusion Experiments, Sardonyx, and Peridot were all sublime. If Season 3 starts handing out answers for the oldest questions, I'll be content. And... I suppose that's it, really. That's my one small, petty complaint. Hot dang.

Now. Let's talk characters.

Steven Quartz Universe took the back seat this season. Upon thinking it over, I've realized that Steven didn't really change in any obvious way. This season, Steven seemed to exist as a catalyst for the development of other characters, or only served as the viewer's window into the world. But that's not to say he didn't change at all. It was subtle-- extremely subtle. Steven has developed insecurities of his own that, in stark contrast to Amethyst, he keeps well hidden. We learned he wonders if the Gems blame him in some way for Rose being gone. We learned he's self-conscious about not fully belonging with either Humans or Gems. And even more so than in Season 1b, Steven has become far more mellow and low-key. He's still got that child-like sense of fun and that delightful earnest hope that all people and things can be redeemed. But there is a weight pressing down on him, burdening his journey into discovering who he is. This season, Steven has witnessed and discovered terrible things, from within the Crystal Gems and beyond. In the near future, with resolutions for the Cluster and Malachite on the horizon, it's likely that trend will continue. How long before he breaks? Which straw will be the last? I would also like to acknowledge that he has become far more competent. The off-screen training sessions with Pearl have allowed him true mastery over his Shield, and he's pulling off a few magic powers with ease. I'm excited to see this aspect of Steven's growth continue.

Pearl has been cracked wide open, her past raw and bare for all to see. Created to be a slave, she was freed in the process of the Rebellion and became the embodiment of everything the Crystal Gems fought for. Pearl is now an able fighter, intelligent and strong in ways she never could have been before. But despite the epic feat of her rebirth, Pearl allows herself to be haunted by the ghost of her past. She fooled herself into thinking she couldn't stand on her own. Without Rose Quartz, Pearl fell into a disoriented state. She's afraid to be alone. And in trying to deal with the loss of Rose, she exploited Garnet's security to leech that feeling of strength. It's tragic, but sympathetic. I understand why Pearl does what she does. But new information casts a disturbing shadow over many things. How much of Pearl's devotion to Rose was honest, and not a remnant of the way Pearls are designed to serve? How could Pearl not stop herself and realize she was trying to impose Homeworld's view on the worthlessness of Pearls on Connie? It all leads me to believe that Pearl is not done freeing herself from Homeworld's grip on her mind. There's still progress to made in this regard. Pearl lives in the past, and needs to learn to keep her gaze forward.

Amethyst has taken huge strides forward. Much like Steven, she's mellower and more serious. She shape-shifts much less, and is no longer playing at lone wolf. She has embraced being part of the team, and eagerly helps out where she can. Starting with Reformed, Amethyst has begun respecting herself, too. Indeed, when Amethyst learned that she's a runt, she took it surprisingly well. Season 1 Amethyst would have flown into a rage, and attacked Peridot. Season 2 Amethyst took the news hard, yes, but she displayed restraint and apparently let it go. I also appreciate Amethyst's quick interjection when the Sardonyx folly was revealed; She earnestly tried to take some blame herself to help out Pearl. Pearl, the person Amethyst butted heads so much with in the earlier season. Much like Steven, Amethyst's development here was subdued. I look forward to what lies in store for her. *cough Amedot cough cough*

Garnet, as I expected, was overshadowed by exploration into who her components are. Ruby and Sapphire make for convincing halves of Garnet's whole. At every turn, we can detect the undiluted traits that compose her. Ruby is emotional, and genuine. She's fierce, and proud, and willing to do what it takes to do what she thinks is right. Sapphire is restrained, and concise. She's calm, and smart, and wise. They truly complete each other, and this season made Garnet's existence very convincing. It also humanized her; She has moments of weakness and self-doubts, just like all the other Gems. Sometimes, Ruby and Sapphire don't see eyes to eye, and sometimes Garnet is at a loss for what to do, Future Vision be damned. And on top of all these things, Garnet has continued learning to express her emotions and open herself up to those she loves. And perhaps it is this very trust and openness that made the Sardonyx incident all the more bitter. Indeed, there were two separate moments this season where the very concept Garnet holds most dear was defiled in revolting ways. Fusion Experiments and Pearl's betrayal were both stunning moments that shook Garnet to her cores... literally. But these challenges to her existence served to reinforce her, not deter her. Garnet won't back down from being what she is, and is going to fight with everything she has to justify herself. All said, I am unsure what comes next for the three of them. I sure know I'm excited to find out.

Connie has taken big steps forward in both halves of her life. She's become a proficient swordswoman under the tutelage of Pearl, and an asset to the Crystal Gems. She has also bonded closer with her mother, including her in the magical life she's kept hidden, and eased the strict rules of the household. But... There's something that's really bothering me about Connie. The whole deal with her mother is, like, the one bit of agency Connie has. Everything else Connie does, says, or has happen to her is a plot device for Steven's sake. Greg at least has his own history predating Steven. Connie... is Steven's best friend and now combat ally. Can't she be something else? Maybe this is a petty complaint, but all I know is that I hope Connie becomes a bit more unique and self-sufficient eventually. That said, Connie is an engaging character, and I love it every time she appears on screen, and quite enjoy everything she does. Connie is fun, and I love watching her. I just want better for her, ya know?

I would be remiss not to talk at length about the MVP of the season. She's loud, proud, lean, mean, green, and smol: Peridot's arc was a tour de force invasion of my heart. Her transformation from thoughtless Homeworld drone, to terrified refugee on the run, to curious and analytical gremlin, to defiant Crystal Gem willing to speak against her Goddess was masterfully written. Organic and believable, the whole way through. Peridot's personality fills a hole in the Crystal Gems I had no idea was there; I am excited beyond words to see how the show will change with her permanent presence! Her every word and gesture was an insight into the mysterious ways of Homeworld.

To be honest, I struggle to say things about Peridot that I haven't already said across the season, or on Discord. So... please know that I freakin' adore this little green treasure, and fully appreciate every bit of nuance in her development. It's some Grade A+ writing, and I loved every second of it. And in case it wasn't clear, yes, she really is my favorite character on the show now.

All that said, we can now have some closing thoughts.

Homeworld is monstrous. We've learned so many things about its culture now, and I struggle to think of even one redeeming fact. They keep Pearls as slaves, they destroy planets, they callously kill any who dare step out of line, they torture the dead with unimaginable pain in the form of Fusion Experiments. So when the day comes that Steven, pure, innocent Steven, must fully understand that horrid way of life and fight back, well... There's just no way that Yellow Diamond's going to be swayed. There's no way that Steven's purity and innocence will survive against Homeworld's crushing presence. It's going to be horrifying to watch.

I think that about wraps it up. Perhaps a look forward is in order: In the near future, I expect the Cluster and then Malachite to be dealt with. From there, Lapis Lazuli and Jasper can be expanded upon. Old plot threads can be picked back up. And in the far future, I'd imagine the Diamonds await.

Finally. It is done. That is all I have to say about this legendary work of art. I calculate the score of Season 2 to be 86/100! Wait... That's exactly the same as Season 1b! If it were up to me, I'd rate this one a 100/100!

Oh well. I look forward to more Steven Universe, and I thank you for continuing this wonderful journey with me.

[spynotebook]

Image: Marvel Comics.

Next week, the Inhumans take their first big step into the world of TV when Inhumans arrives on ABC. We’ve told you about the origins of Marvel’s weird mutants in the past, but what are they up to in the comics right now? If you’re looking to dive in before Inhumans arrives, this is what you need to know.

A Huge Cloud of Terrigen Mists Came and Awoke Tons of New Inhumans

Okay, it didn’t really “come”—it was released from a bomb made by the King of the Inhumans himself, Black Bolt. Long, weird story short: Thanos the Mad Titan found out he had a bastard son of Inhuman descent, Thane, so he came to Earth scouring the world for his child, who had been kept hidden among a tribe of Inhumans who had not gone through the transformative process of being exposed to the Terrigen mists. Thanos’ offer to Earth was simple: The Inhumans could hand over Thane, or they could hand over the heads of every Inhuman young adult between the ages of 16 and 22.

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Oh, and he’d destroy the world. Because he’s Thanos and that’s a very Thanos-y thing to do.

Naturally, the Inhumans disagreed, so when Thanos arrived in Attilan to claim his tribute, all he found in the city was Black Bolt, and a great big bomb of Terrigen crystals he’d created to try and initiate Terrigenesis on as many people as possible, hoping to hide Thane from Thanos’ sight. One superpowered scream that destroyed Attilan later, Black Bolt activated the bomb, creating a huge cloud of Terrigen that enveloped most of the Earth.

This cloud started activating an unprecedented number of Inhumans across the globe, leading to a huge surge in their population that would come to be known as “NuHumans,” given the sudden shared nature of their ascendance to Inhumanity. This is the event that gave us a ton of the currently active Inhumans in the comics, including Ulysses, the future-predicting star of the Civil War II event, as well as Kamala Khan, the now-beloved Ms. Marvel.

Now Its Gone, Because It Was Killing the X-Men

The royal family regrouped in New York, using the ruins of Attilan to forge a new home dubbed New Attilan floating above the Hudson River. With so many new Inhumans emerging, the Royals found themselves thrust onto an international stage that they were unused to, having to deal with both helping newly-transformed Inhumans coping with their powers, as well as the prejudice of the general public, fearful of the mysterious cloud and its transformative effects.

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Soon, they had another problem to deal with, as Terrigen and Earth’s atmosphere don’t really mix that well. (That’s actually why, back in the ‘80s, the Inhumans had to leave Earth and resettle Attilan on the Moon.) The Terrigen Cloud, which had this point had split into two different cloud masses making their way around the globe, had mutated in the time it had spent in Earth’s atmosphere... to the point that it was now toxic to Mutants. Sorry, Mutants!

Now, when a Mutant was caught in the mists, they’d develop a disease called M-Pox—a plague that slowly but surely debilitated them, sterilized them, and ultimately killed them. As the population of Inhumanity across the world surged, Mutantkind was dying out. The X-Men, now operating from the hellish plane of Limbo to keep themselves safe from the mists, were called into action to protect the Mutant population, but eventually triage was not enough. The Terrigen clouds were about to reach a level of complete global saturation, which would render Earth completely uninhabitable for Mutants.

Emma Frost and Cyclops (well, sort of—it’s eventually revealed Cyclops was one of the first victims of M-Pox, and Emma had been keeping his death a secret by psychically projecting a version of Scott into everyone’s minds) and a faction of Mutants attempted to destroy the clouds so they could survive. They succeeded in destroying one of them, but not without a few losses—including “Cyclops,” who was seemingly killed by Black Bolt in retribution. Eventually, after the Mutants declared all-out war on the Inhumans, Medusa voluntarily destroyed the second cloud herself and abdicated from the throne, knowing that the wider Inhuman populace wouldn’t understand why she would choose to disperse the cloud that was the lifeblood of her people.

Medusa’s Hair Fell Out, and She’s Also in Space

When Medusa chose to destroy the Clouds, it’s explained, she destroyed all the remaining Terrigen on Earth, depriving the Inhumans and latent Inhumans alike the chance to activate their powers, and thus a major part of their culture. As a result, the Terrigen in Medusa’s body began to more or less “punish” her for effectively ending new Inhuman activations by robbing her of her signature red, prehensile hair.

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As Medusa’s hair fell out in chunks, the gravity of her decision began to finally set in for the rest of the Inhuman population. That’s when Marvel Boy (Noh-Varr) helpfully mentioned that the key to creating more Terrigen is supposedly located on the Kree homeworld Hala. So, Medusa did what any sensible leader of a dying race would do: she rallied a crack squad of other superheroes and took off into space to find Hala and, hopefully, a new future for her people.

Black Bolt’s Been Making Friends in Space Jail

You’d think that by this point, the Inhuman Royal Family would know better than to have any interaction with Maximus beyond keeping him locked up in a cell where he can’t cause all of Inhumanity any more problems. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Recently, Maximus attempted to stage another unsuccessful coup (coups are his thing) that landed him in a holding cell while Black Bolt and Medusa decided what to do with him.

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Ultimately, Black Bolt reasoned that it would be in everyone’s best interest if Maximus was shipped off to an ancient Inhuman prison located in deep space, which was a very good idea right up until Maximus managed to knock his brother out and switch places with him. Black Bolt was sent to the Inhuman space prison, which he discovered is actually a horrifying citadel of torture (still in space) where inmates are repeatedly murdered and resurrected in an endless cycle of fatal torture. Currently, Black Bolt has teamed up with the Absorbing Man Crusher Creel, Raava the Skrull, and his teleporting dog Lockjaw to stage a massive breakout and free all of the people still trapped in the prison.

The Inhumans Left On Earth Are Still Recovering From Secret Empire

It’s not just the Royal family who’ve had a rough time lately—especially since Marvel’s US has been under the iron rule of Hydra for most of the year, led by an evil, fascist version of Steve Rogers in the pages of Secret Empire. Hydra’s rule involved the involuntarily imprisonment of all Inhumans, putting them into work camps (not a good look at a time when Marvel wanted you to believe that the organization had moved on from its historic ties to the Nazi party).

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Inhumanity was either imprisoned or forced to go on the run in a country that now feared and hated them. After fascist Steve was defeated (in a small way thanks to an Inhuman named Barf who could literally vomit up an item he visualized in his head, granting the resistance a piece of a Cosmic Cube that helped bring back the good Steve Rogers), Inhumanity was left in an uncomfortable place, trying to re-integrate into a society that had, days and weeks beforehand, considered them subhuman degenerates and racially discriminated against them. The process isn’t over yet, but it’s helped along by the fact that at the end of Secret Empire it seems like most Americans conveniently forgot their shocking racism against the Inhumans the minute Stevil Rogers was defeated and imprisoned.

Look, this event was a lot.

And the Best Story You Can Read About Them Right Now Takes Place Years in the Past

The Inhumans have been through so many twists and turns that making sense of their history can be something of a daunting task. While there are definitely benefits to going back and reading some of their classic stories, one could also read Christopher Priest and Phil Noto’s Once and Future Kings, which tells the story of how Black Bolt came to be king and how Maximus came to hate his brother.

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Once and Future Kings is set in the distant past when its cast of characters were all still young (by Inhuman standards), but there’s a precise crispness to Priest’s take on them all that feels like a very satisfying distillation of who they are as people. If you’re completely new to the Inhumans, this is where you should start. Don’t worry if it doesn’t make sense, just enjoy the ride.