#also the only other game this company apparently ever made was a Final Fantasy game and it shows in these designs LOL

[angeltannis]

ONCE YOU BEFRIEND THE SPARKLECAT IT COMES TO LIVE WITH YOU

[miloscat]

[Review] Legend of Kay Anniversary (Wii U)

An unremarkable PS2 action-adventure.

After immersing myself in Avatar media for so long I looked around for any other games set in Asia-inspired fantasy worlds but made by Westerners. This let me knock one off my Wii U backlog, the 2015 remaster of the 2005 PS2 game Legend of Kay. Neon Software, the German studio behind the original game, are known to me for their Amiga Sonic clone Mr. Nutz: Hoppin' Mad, and it's somewhat fitting that their final game before closure was this other furry platformer. Some of the Neon cofounders went on to form Keen Games, which seems to have morphed into a new Kaiko... the original Kaiko being the company that the Mr. Nutz Hoppin' Mad team left to form Neon in the first place! Who knows how long they'll survive now under the aegis of the troubled and layoff-happy Embracer, but it's been four years since their last remaster...

Anyway, this game is a sort of 3D Zelda-like-slash-3D platformer filled with anthropomorphic animal characters, which as a Rare fan sounds up my alley. Comparing it to Starfox Adventures may be a little generous though: this is very much a B-tier PS2 action game, and a graphical revamp for new generation consoles can't magically fix the mediocrity.

To get the plot out of the way: it's extremely Normal. Kay is a "plucky" (read: obnoxious) protagonist, using his martial arts training to fight back against the occupation of his cat village by evil gorillas and rats. He travels his island to settlements of rabbits, frogs, and pandas to free them from oppression. I think it's telling that there are no credits given for story or writing; anything story-related is constantly undermined by overly shallow characterisations, completely functional video game progression (go here to get key to open door to go there etc.), and the most brain-dead "banter". For example, Kay thinks the height of action hero quips is to call a rat "cheese-breath" about a hundred times.

The latter issue is not helped by some misguided voice acting choices. It's a fully voiced game but you'll wish it wasn't with Kay's bland sarcastic schtick and almost every other character uncomfortably presenting as a borderline racist caricature. Mostly it's white people doing faux-"Asian" accents, although apparently crocodiles are Eastern European and frogs are... Jamaican, for some reason? I was glad to find a setting that let me skip any dialogue scene with a quick tap of X, because there's no other way to speed up the tedious exposition and pointless back-and-forth when you meet enemy groups.

There's only a handful of what you might call "puzzles", and the platforming ranges from "not bad" to "OK", serviceable but doesn't excel. The biggest strength and biggest weakness of the game is its combat, which is pretty involved. You can swap between three weapons which have different attributes, you often have to get around enemy blocks so there's a Wind Waker-style roll around move to hit their back, but you can also zip between targets during a combo, or use rolling, crouching, or jump attacks. You can carry up to 5 usable items which sometimes are used to explore but you have to rely on them for combat encounters late in the game when they start throwing waves at you with hordes of armoured enemies. When the difficulty spikes like this, it all just becomes too much and goes from an exercise in creatively using moves to keep your combo up to a struggle to survive (and if you die, you lose any consumables you used in your last attempt, also there's a lives system for some reason??).

I said combat might be the game's strength and it was clearly a focus of the project, but I had the most fun exploring the little worlds. There's lots of goodies to collect, mostly in the form of chests and pots containing money. You quickly end up with more than you'll ever spend but I still liked finding it. The point multiplier mechanic may seem superfluous but when you get accustomed to the flow of the platforming sections, grabbing coloured crystals to keep this combo going to make your fights and coins worth more points becomes addictive. The level design may be nothing special but the zones you traverse have some character to them.

It should be noted that this is a semi-linear game, in that the levels are mostly open to explore with events and sub-dungeons within them, but you progress from one field to the next with no way to go back. This bit me on more than one occasion when I blundered into the story trigger to move on before turning in one of the rare sidequests or going down a side path to find a health extension, making it permanently missable. This frustration prompted me to occasionally consult a Gamefaqs guide with maps during each subsequent chapter. The game does give you a minimap in the corner of the screen but it can't be expanded to a full map so it's less useful than it could be.

Legend of Kay would have felt middling even at release but rereleasing it just makes its deficiencies even more obvious. It's still got some charm for being "of that era" (I was often reminded of The Hobbit's action-adventure game from the same generation, but with fewer instant death pits), so I got some enjoyment from it. And it has some ideas that work, like the acrobatic combat and combo system. While some of the environments look nice there were just as many drab areas, and the repeated character model reuse got old. Oh, and sometimes you ride an animal and it's not fun. On the whole, I can't recommend this one... even if you ignore the cringey cultural stereotypes!!

[mayohigan-orange]

Also, before I head off, I just... Don't understand game companies sometimes.

I'm going to be talking about stuff that isn't recent. Even the point I'll get to isn't recent.

But, whatever, y'know?

So, there's this company called Square Enix, and they make a series called Final Fantasy. They don't often bother with actual sequels, they just move on to the next game.

There are a few exceptions to this, though.

First off, FF7. Absolutely massively popular game, although I think it's overrated to hell and back and is... about passable by today's standards. And that's me being generous.

But yeah, it spawned a bunch of extra stuff, like Advent Children (which was alright), Dirge of Cereberus (it wasn't actually that bad) and Crisis Core (best thing to come out of FF7, in my opinion) as well as a bunch of other stuff.

It made sense. FF7 was absolutely massive, with people claiming it to be the best game ever (it really isn't) so it made sense that Square would want to capitalise on that (even if it was like years later) to make more money.

Next, we have FFX. Which was the first PS2 Final Fantasy and was also pretty widely praised. It also has Lulu so it gets bonus points for that. I've never actually finished it but I've played a fair bit of it, and I can see why people like it. Let's just not talk about the laughing scene. I don't care if it was meant to come off the way it did for reasons, that doesn't make it any better.

But yeah, after that, Square decided that a sequel would be a good idea, so along came FFX-2. Which I've also played a good chunk of and... I'm not gonna say it's better than FFX, but I do think it's better than people give it credit for. Luckily, nowadays people seem to be a bit kinder to it.

So, what game would be next for a sequel?

...Well actually FFXII, but I actually kinda like that game, and ADORE Revenant Wings, so I'm not going to be talking about that game right now. I really should play through it again sometime.

No, I'm going to talk about FFXIII. A.K.A. MANY MANY HOURS OF CORRIDOR SIMULATOR BEFORE YOU GET TO ANYTHING GOOD.

Most people did not like FFXIII. For fairly obvious reasons. Lightning was basically an expy of Cloud and Squall, while having none of the spark that make either character likeable. And most of the characters apparently didn't come off much better because... if you talk to people about the FF games, they will generally be able to mention one or two characters that are really good. FF6 has Locke and Celes, FF7 has Tifa and Aerith, FF10 has Auron and Rikku...

I've never really heard anyone talk about the characters in FFXIII. And I have talked about it with people who played it, they just... didn't have anything to say about the characters. Which in itself is a huge issue.

If you're created characters so boring that people don't even want to talk about them to illustrate the character's bad points, you've SEVERELY fucked up. Like, I can only vaguely recall a couple of characters, like... Snow and Serah, I think? And I couldn't tell you a damn thing about them. And before I keep going, no, I haven't played FFXIII but I've watched a friend play part of it and I've seen part of a stream on it. Couldn't really stand to watch it for too long because of how boring it is.

Apparently EVENTUALLY it opens up into a open world thing but the fact you have to go through HOURS of Corridor Simulator kinda makes it feel like Square's just going 'fuck you, you want freedom? just 11 more hours to go until freedom, fucker!'

And honestly if you still want to play by the time it becomes a more open-world affair, you're a masochist.

So yeah. Most people did not like FFXIII. They didn't like the gameplay, they didn't like the story, they didn't like the characters.

So what did Square Enix do?

"LET'S MAKE TWO SEQUELS TO THIS GAME THAT ABSOLUTELY NOBODY LIKED."

Just... why? Apparently it has something to do with Lightning disappearing which, y'know, good riddance to a poor character. And then Lightning Returning which... why can't Square Enix do that with characters people actually like and want to see back. *points at Geno not being in Smash*

It's just... I don't get why Square decided making two sequels to FF game that nobody liked was a good idea. Especially when it seems to be centralized around an extremely boring character like Lightning. I've never really been able to get an answer about that, either. Even people who 'like' FFXIII haven't been able to give me a proper answer on why FFXIII-2 and Lightning Returns exist. I guess maybe FFXIII sold well, but it was a Final Fantasy game. It was going to sell well. They should have waited to see what the fans said about it and then decided "hmm maybe we should just move on, the opinion about this game is... 'mixed', at best."

Anyway, I guess the rants over now. XP

[kdndigital]

I was so busy and tired the last couple days of Gen Con that I didn't take many pics and didn't write much down. I played in about 8-9 hour of DnD each day and walked a ton, so no surprise that I wore myself out.

But I want to note some highlights so I don't forget about them:

--I played 6 games of dnd 5e, and all except one of them was super fun.

--Dungeons and Doggies was particularly adorable and hilarious. I was even almost moved to tears. Since there were some kids at the table, I let everyone else choose characters first until only 2 were left: a golden retriever wizard or a cattle dog ranger. There was only ever one option for me...

--I also loved playing Dungeons and Desserts with my friend, Chris. It's based on the book Legends and Lattes, which I have just started reading. During the game, I realized my character with a folk hero background would vehemently disagree with the rest of the party's decisions. My artificer would have to go a bit rogue in his attempts to do good. Not my usual style to split off and be secretive, but the GM and the rest of the players helped me roll with it. We ate cookies, successfully established a coffee shop, and turned a mob-like thieves guild into an HOA.

--I saw some cool cosplays, but not as many as previous years. Either there were less cosplayers, or I was so holed up in dnd games that I missed them. I particularly enjoyed the giant balloon gnomes, an excellent Lup with hand-sewn rib cage, Tim the Enchanter, and these two Final Fantasy XIV characters who were super nice people...

--I had a very good time just talking with people. One convinced me that next time I go to Gen Con I should go to one of the burlesque shows because apparently they are phenomenal. Another helped me pick out the perfect color dragon eye earrings and sold me her Urban Dragon book. Some shared their love of NADDPOD and we reminisced about the Band of Boobs and shared thoughts on the latest campaign. Some folks gave good game and podcast recommendations, and other folks shared cosplay tricks and details. A sweet bartender shared her story of sobriety and paid for my NA beer. And most others were just superbly cool.

--In fact, I better give a shout out to Mimic Dice. On Thursday night I was on my own at a busy Thai restaurant, waiting for my food order. I had sat at a high top with another girl waiting for her order, but she had left after her food arrived. I was planning to move out of the way as soon as a group needed my table or I would stay if some other lone person wanted to share. A group of tired folks with matching Tshirts came in, so I told them they should take my table. They insisted that I stay while a couple of them went to wait in line to order food. So I chatted with a woman named Andrea and she was very cool and nice. My food arrived and she insisted that I should stay and eat with them. So I did. I felt a little bad since their food didn't even arrive until I was finished, though I did share some spring rolls. They were fabulous company, with stories of fun and frustrations playing DnD. Of course I made sure to stop by their booth the next day, and I picked up some fabulous dice for me and kiddo. Thanks, Mimic Dice crew!

--Before we left, I hit the dealer's room one more time. I walked away with more tea and stickers, picked up a TS bracelet for kiddo, and bought 5 beautiful art prints for her and myself. I could say I bought too much, but we did skip 5 years of the con, so I had catching up to do, right?

Who knows what will happen next year, but I hope to go again soon :) Thanks, fabulous people at Gen Con!

(Don't ask how many selfies it took to get most of the words to show on the shirt without making myself looking awful and awkward. It was on the long car ride home after 4 days of the con...so this is the best ya get.)

[kanjukucompany]

【A3! Translation】 A3! 2nd Anniversary Book: SUNSHINE (Q&A)

「We asked about key points of interest from the main story and backstages, focusing on year two.」

a creator Q&A featuring miscellaneous mankai trivia! now with rookies!

(translation under the cut)

(glitch text ignore)

What is Juza studying now that he attends Yosei University?

He attends the Literature Department, same as Tsuzuru, and is studying various things including performing arts. He often borrows Tsuzuru's old textbooks, including Theater Studies and other courses.

Where does Kamekichi usually stay? Does he have a designated place to sleep?

The dorm has an attic, he usually sleeps there. (**With Matsukawa!)

Kumon said he wants to make a troupe baseball club, has he made any progress with that?

Nothing in particular, but since they've played baseball in a performance (Summer Troupe's fourth performance "First Crush Baseball") and the entire company joined in and played baseball (Act 6), he's been able to gather a decent amount of people whenever he asks.

Please tell us who says the longest and shortest baths. (Secretly).

Longest bathers: Citron, Azuma, Hisoka (falls asleep)

Shortest bathers: Tsuzuru, Misumi, Juza

Please tell us any theater members who took lessons as children.

There's quite a lot, but a little surprisingly, Masumi was in swimming club and Yuki studied piano.

Please tell us any theater members who took part in clubs during their school days.

Itaru: Computer Club (ghost member)

Muku: Track and Field Club

Kumon: Baseball Club

Juza: Shogi Club (ghost member)

Tasuku & Tsumugi: Theater Club

Homare: Choir

Azuma: Tea Ceremony Club

Are there any popular games among the troupe, like 'Nyancadia'?

A certain FPS (first person shooter) has become popular among some of the members.

How is the MANKAI Company blog managed?

The duties aren't very specific, basically people who are good at writing or haven't written much lately are assigned to it. The only required thing is that the lead of every performance writes one after the closing night. A general rule is that Sakyo is supposed to do a final check before posting, but lots of people don't follow this, so he's trying to develop a countermeasure.

Please tell us which members are on Inste.

Everyone has an account, but most of them rarely post or have none at all. However, Kazunari, Kumon, Taichi, and Homare seem to post on a daily basis.

The computer in the dorm must've been an older model, has it been replaced since then? Is there even internet connection?

It became so unusable over time, even Sakyo gave his permission to have it replaced. Also, since Chikage took the liberty of changing their wired connection to wireless, the internet is much better than before.

Do family members ever come visit the dorm?

Not many, since a lot of the troupe members regularly visit their parent's homes.

Was the 'Ramen Map' the members were working on ever finished?*

*reference to mantou fist event story

They've eaten almost all of them, so now the map is only updated when a new restaurant opens. Apparently, some members have discussed creating a new map soon.

Chikage only has a chair and a suitcase on his side of the dorm room, does he ever plan to add any more furniture?

He doesn't like to keep any unnecessary things on hand, so he doesn't plan on adding any big furniture to his room unless he has to. By the way, there's also a closet in the room that's not shown.

Is there an origin story for the "gate" Kumon and Itaru are "guarding"?

We think it's based on a dark fantasy series called "FIVE GATES", which was serialized in a weekly shounen manga magazine. It was adapted into an anime and a live-action movie a few years ago and has become a social phenomenon since then.

Please tell us why Azami doesn't like to show the silhouette of his body. (form fitting clothes)

Although he's tall, he's sensitive about his thin build.

Guy likes to collect records, what genre of music does he usually listen to?

He likes country and funk music especially.

What kind of schools are Tsukushi High, Tanegaoka Middle School, Veludo Second Middle School, and Fuyou University Middle School, respectfully?

*veludo second is where taichi went to middle school, fuyou uni is where kazunari went

Tsukushi High: A very ordinary public high-school in terms of behavior and culture. It's not as free-spirited as Ouka High, but the education is more relaxed.

Tanegaoka Middle School: Some students have bad behavior, and it's often seen as a delinquent middle school. It's popular for its free-spirited school culture, and the percentage of students who move on to Tsukushi High is relatively large.

Veludo Second Middle School: It has the biggest student population in the area, and the rules are a little stricter. It's rumored that a lot of students dye their hair immediately after graduation.

Fuyou University Middle School: This is a famous school in Japan, and many of its students come from wealthy families. The school trademark is its gray gakuran.

How close are the schools to MANKAI Company? (Closest to farthest).

Ouka High → Amabi University of Art & Design → Tsukushi High → Hanasaki High → Tanegaoka Middle School → St. Flora & Yosei University.

Please tell us of any changes or incidents in the dorm that have occurred since the new members have joined.

Face and body lotion were placed in the bathroom for all members to use, and surprise skin checks are conducted by Azami. Also, some members accidentally used Chikage's spices and were temporarily incapacitated.

How far is the MANKAI dorm from the MANKAI theater?

About a three minute walk.

Who takes up the most room in the MANKAI fridge?

There's the triangular foods Misumi collects and the soy milk that Banri drinks regularly. Sometimes Juza will buy discounted sweets in bulk and stores them there. There's not much space for personal snacks, so some members have mini-fridges in their own rooms.

Some of MANKAI's members have cars and/or motorcycles, do they have a garage or a parking lot?

There is a garage, but it's used for storage. Members park in the parking lot.

What are some of the group LIME chats within MANKAI company?

"Mahjong Club", "Spicy Cuisine Research Society", "Soccer Club", and any other club activites.

"Let's Drink Alcohol", which is adults-only and used when they want to drink.

"Tenten Sightings", which is used to share info about Tenma's roles.

There's also chats for each troupe and, of course, one with everyone (including the Director and Manager) called "MANKAI Company Contact Network".

[idkthisisjustforfanfic]

too soon to tell, chapter t w o

You dropped your bag in the foyer of Harry’s house after work on a Thursday. It was quiet--he wasn’t home yet and you’d keyed in knowing that you’d have some time to yourself.

You felt a vibrating in your pocket when you shrugged off your coat, your visible reflection told you it was a FaceTime call, Alyssa’s name danced across the screen until you slid your thumb to answer.

“Hello, hello,” you greeted, walking to find a seat on the couch.

“Where are you?” She furrowed her brows as she took in your surroundings.

“At Harry’s--he’s out, though.”

She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. “I will never get sick of you lounging in his house when he’s not there.”

You rolled your eyes at your old roommate’s antics--she’d always been the number one supporter of your relationship and when you texted her earlier saying you needed advice, she promised to call on her lunch break.

“I’m not lounging,” you informed with a shake of your head. “I just got out of work, we’re having dinner tonight.”

“Mr. Popstar isn’t too busy?” She teased, aware of the tension both of your schedules had been causing.

“Apparently not.”

She forked a bite of food into her mouth, the sun was shining through the window behind her, the walls of your old apartment were redecorated now with the art of your replacement. “Is that what you wanted to talk about?”

“Sort of,” you leaned back and let out a breath. “I mean, it’s all connected--”

“What is?”

“I’m getting to it,” you made a face at her through the phone. “So--don’t freak out, okay? Cause I don’t even know if anything will come from it and Harry doesn’t know yet.”

She nodded and gestured with her hand for you to get on with it.

Knowing Alyssa, she was already jumping to conclusions in her head. You were pregnant, you were engaged, you quit your job, you had a huge fight with your sister. No, no, no.

“I interviewed for a job in LA...and I haven’t told Harry because all our friends have been so excited about us being in the same spot again but--”

Her eyes went wide at the mention of a US city, she did her best to hold back her smile until it faded when you said: “I don’t know. Something feels off between us.”

“Off between you and Harry? More than just being busy?”

“I’m probably overthinking it but,” you looked around his living room. Pictures of his mum, his sister, his cousins--even his manager--were tucked in frames and placed on shelves. There wasn’t a trace of you in his house except for the toothbrush upstairs and the key on your keyring.

“It feels like we’re not moving forward. And we’ve both been busy, like I’ve told you, but since we don’t live together sometimes we go days without seeing each other and it’s fine, I get that he’s busy, obviously, but--”

“But you want to move in with him.”

“Well, I don’t know--I did, sort of, I think--but then I heard about this job in LA and it sounds amazing but Jessie just moved here and no one will shut up about how great London is.”

Alyssa offered a sympathetic frown and repositioned the bowl in front of her to get another bite. “What’s the job?”

You almost didn’t want to tell her, sure she’d get excited and eager to have you back in the same country. You winced a little, bracing for her reaction. “S’with E! News,” you shrugged. “It’d be on-air.”

“Shut up! Are you serious?!”

“Yes m’serious,” you rolled your eyes. “But I haven’t told any of them because you know how they are.”

She nodded, “Jessie will not want you to take it.”

“God love her, but of course not. And Harry spends time out there, so it might be okay, but it’s not like I could ask him to go with me.”

“Why not? He’s famous, Y/N--he belongs there.”

“It’s too soon,” you whined. “He’s not my fiancé and we don’t live together, so--I don’t want to make it weird.”

“But you love him,” she reasoned.

“Yeah, but s’been weird lately!" You tried to drive home the point. "He’s made no mention of moving in and we’ve been dating for a year and a half, I’ve been in London for over a year now. He’s not even mentioned it, Alyssa, I swear. He’ll say things like ‘one day we can go on vacation,’ and ‘what should we do for Christmas?’ But he’s made no concrete plans to actually have a future with me.”

“Maybe he doesn’t think you’re ready.”

“Maybe he’s not ready,” you volleyed.

“Maybe,” Alyssa shrugged. “But you won’t know if you don’t ask him.”

“But if I ask him and he’s not on the same page I’ll look like an idiot and he’s busy with the album and now I’m thinking about moving to LA and--”

She watched you, waited for you to say more, but you were out of words. You changed gears.

“Maybe we’re just not meant to be long term.”

“Oh come on,” she groaned. “Not this again.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Your whole ‘we should have left it in New York’ shit.”

You lifted your eyebrows to demand further details.

“You were freaked out in the beginning that you’d move back there and it would be weird.”

“And?”

“Was it weird?”

“Not at first, I guess. But I mean, come on---don’t you think we should have taken some kind of step forward by now? Even just mentioning the idea of moving in together?”

“I don’t know,” she said truthfully. “Maybe it’s different with someone like him.”

You rolled your eyes--what if that’s what you were sick of?

People always said that: it’s different because of his job, it’s different because he’s on the road, it’s different because he’s famous.

Of course it was, and that was fine, for a while. But what if Harry’s job always got in the way of feeling normal? What if you couldn’t have a real wedding because of it? What if you could never send your children to summer camp because of it?

Were you willing to sacrifice your own future to live an unconventional life with someone just because you loved him?

“When will you hear back about the job?”

“Dunno--talked to them last week on Monday and they said this week at some point. S'been a while, so hopefully soon.”

You’d been keeping busy, trying to avoid your personal email at all costs and also making sure that Harry had limited visibility of your screen at all times.

“Do you want it?”

You thought on it for a second. Being offered a job at a company like E! would certainly be an ego boost, but the mere thought of having to explain to all of your friends that yes, you’d been back in London for 18 months and now you were packing up and moving even farther away than before wouldn’t be easy. That seemed to be the one certainty in the whole situation: no one would take it well.

“I don’t want to leave everyone here, especially Harry--but I also don’t want to be stupid and think that this relationship is going somewhere if it’s not.”

Alyssa nodded and let out a sigh. “I get that, I mean, of course you have to do what’s best for you. But I’d hate to see you not be with him just because things are hard right now.”

You leaned your head back on the couch and sighed. You didn’t want to break up with Harry. If anything, you wanted to move forward and move in with him and do what you’d always imagined: have a good job, have a few kids, try to be happy.

But what if you’d been naive enough to think you could have all of that with Harry and what if this is how you were finding out that you couldn’t?

Were you still stuck in your teenage fantasy of marrying the boy you'd long been crushing on?

She watched you for a second before she reassured: “you’ll figure it out.”

You smiled, glad you’d called Alyssa if only to have someone talk you off the edge a little bit. You missed waking up one room over and her love for basketball games and New York 99 cent pizza.

“Well it’s not like I have to make a decision right now,” you said. “I haven’t even heard back from them. For all I know they could never reach out again because I bombed my interview.”

She rolled her eyes at your self-deprecation and offered a few final words of encouragement before you hung up and promised to catch up soon.

Ever since you’d left, Alyssa had taken it upon herself to keep you up to date on the ins and outs of New York. New restaurant? She’d send you pictures and a 200 word review. Crazy subway rats making the news again? Articles and video proof would be sent your way in a matter of hours.

She’d gotten a new roommate to fill your bedroom and apparently things weren’t always peachy between them. Peyton was quiet and shy--according to Alyssa. She was up every morning at 6am and in the shower at 6:30. She did yoga in the living room and hated it when Alyssa left empty beer bottles on the coffee table.

Alyssa was starting to lose her shit, swearing up and down that she needed to either pull the trigger and move in with Owen or find a new place altogether. It was my apartment first, she’d say. She should leave, not me.

It had been hard that year to leave the city you’d grown to love but harder to leave Alyssa and Carly and the things that made New York feel like home. It was also, in hindsight, hard to leave the place where you and Harry reconnected and built the foundation of your current relationship.

You heard commotion from the front door only a few minutes later when you rummaged through Harry’s kitchen for a snack.

“Hi,” he called from the other room, a close-lipped smile when you stuck your head around the corner to greet him.

“Hi! How was the photoshoot?”

“Good,” he nodded, watching as you stuck your hand into a box of crackers. “What time are we meeting everyone?”

Right--Thursday also meant dinner somewhere downtown with everyone in tow.

“7pm--but Jessie said we should try to get there early since it’s a new place and no one’s ever been.”

He nodded in acknowledgement of your words but seemed distracted, like his mind was somewhere else and his body was the only thing tying him to the room.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, looking back up at you. “Just a busy day and a busy week.”

You nodded, unsure if he wanted to say more or if you were supposed to have more of a reply than a simple nod of your head.

You’d both been stammering out awkward sentences and trying to dance around the elephant in the room for a few weeks, but now, under his gaze, you felt more uncertain than before.

“Are you okay?” He turned the question around and watched you closely.

“Yeah,” you shrugged, moving to sit on the couch.

“You seem--off.”

You didn’t know what it was. Could he possibly sense the tension in your shoulders as you waited for an email either way? You got the job! We regret to inform you…

Or was he just aware that you felt awkward since it had been almost two weeks since you had any considerable amount of alone time and even longer since you were able to have a date night that wasn’t interrupted by Jeff or Erica or someone who needed something from him.

He took a few steps closer towards you, a look of concern etched on his features. “What’s wrong?”

The words were on the tip of your tongue when he looked at you, eyebrows lifted as he waited for you to spit it out.

“I guess I feel like we’ve been distant.”

He pushed his head forward, almost like he hadn’t expected that to be the issue. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, caught off guard by his pushiness. Maybe you shouldn’t have brought it up.

“You don’t know?” He pressed.

You broke eye contact with him for a minute, wondering why you had to state the obvious. “Well, you’re busy all the time, Harry.”

He let his shoulders rise and fall in defeat, looking around the room in frustration. “I told you that finishing the album would be busy.”

“Yeah, but you forgot to mention that you’d also be busy when the album is done once promo starts and then tour,” your voice was quiet, not so much angry as you were upset.

You were tired. You wanted nothing more than to spend a night on the couch with him and only him, tell him about LA and about the sudden itch you felt to see more of the world than just London.

But with Jake and Adam always around and Bryn and Jessie, too, paired with interruptions from Jeff and Erica--it felt as if there was no hope for a private or honest conversation.

He came to sit closer to you on the couch now, took your hands in his. “I know my job is a lot, okay? I know it’s annoying that I don’t necessarily get weekends off or have a typical schedule, but once the album is out and the promo is done I’ll have a bit of a break before the tour. We can go on vacation somewhere, just us.”

It sounded nice, maybe a tropical island or a cabin in the woods. But before you could nod in agreement the thought of Los Angeles popped into your head.

His album was due out in December, promo from now through the New Year, some time off in February and March for both of your birthdays and then tour. You had no clue where you’d be by then.

Would you be in LA? Would you be in London? Would you be stuck in this same spot on his couch with decision paralysis and a crushing sense of uncertainty about the future?

He knew you were over-thinking and tilted his head. “What?”

You blew out a slow breath of air, twisted a ring on your finger and then looked up at him again.

You didn’t even have a chance to be more honest, a buzz on your phone on the coffee table in front of you both broke the room in half, the name of the woman you’d spoken to was in bold next to your email icon. You reached for it quickly, Harry’s brows furrowed when you pulled it close to your chest so he wouldn’t see.

“What’s that?”

Hi Y/N, thank you so much for your patience over the last few days. We would love to offer you a position with NBC Universal - E! News as an on-air correspondent in our Los Angeles headquarters.

You looked up at him quickly, cheeks red and heart racing.

“What’s happening, are you okay?”

“I got a job offer,” you said quickly, still holding the phone close to you.

“What?” He smiled, “why didn’t you tell me you were looking? I didn’t even know--”

“It’s in Los Angeles.”

His smile faded instantly, he blinked a few times like he must have misheard you. The leather of his couch felt cool beneath your legs, a clock on the wall ticked and for a second, you wondered if he could hear your pulse as loudly as you could.

He pulled his eyes away from you but then quickly scanned over your face. “Are you taking it?”

“I don’t know,” you said honestly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Silence, words filled your brain and crawled up the back of your throat, desperate to be said out loud, in real life, instead of just circling in your head.

Because I don’t know what we’re doing or if we’re moving forward. I don’t know where I want to live. I don’t know if I can stay in London forever. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.

Only the last part made it out between your lips. “I don’t know.”

“Y/N,” he stood up, more angry now as he looked around the room and scratched at the base of his neck. “This kind of feels like a bombshell to drop on someone.”

“I was going to tell you--but we haven’t had a second alone, I just didn’t want to have to tell everyone before I knew what was happening.”

“You didn’t even tell me you interviewed,” he said.

“The last time I saw you alone we got interrupted by Erica three times in one conversation.”

“Probably for a good reason--”

“But you seriously can’t even put your phone down lately when we have dinner, even when everyone else is there!”

“I can’t help it that my work is insanely busy right now!”

“I don’t want to fight with you,” you said this quickly, voice higher than usual and a heat on your skin that he normally didn’t provoke, at least not in a bad way. You stood from the couch and put your hands on your hips. “I don’t know what I’m going to do and I don’t even know if this job is right for me and under no circumstances are you allowed to tell anyone. Especially Jessie.”

He rolled his eyes at that.

“What’s the eye roll for?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Everyone just got back and now you might leave and--”

“I said I don’t know if I’m going to take it.”

He was quiet at that, clucked his tongue in thought but then disappeared upstairs to shower and change.

The car ride over was awkward, he asked how your day had been and you told him you talked to Alyssa, he bristled when you admitted you told her about it.

It wouldn’t be the end of the conversation, you were sure of that. You’d likely end up at his for the night and he’d apologize for being busy, you’d apologize for not telling him and maybe, you hoped, he’d ask you to stay over.

When you greeted Adam with a hug, you ignored Harry’s sour mood and opened the menu in front of you.

“My first dinner as a Londoner,” Jessie smiled, shimming her shoulders in excitement when Bryn looked over the specials across the table from you.

“This is on you, right? New job, new salary?” Jake teased.

“Maybe if I hadn’t just bought a whole new bedroom set,” she rolled her eyes.

“How’s everything with you?” Adam eyed Harry, his question veiled to avoid too many details in public.

Luckily, Harry’s ability to go out in public in London was similar to that in New York. As long as a private room or a table in the back was requested, he could typically get away unscathed if dinner was less than 2 hours and if he had his back to the dining room.

“Fine,” he shrugged, eyes still down at the drink menu.

“Fine?” Jessie leaned forward, her tone insinuating that she didn’t believe him. “You’ve been working really hard all summer and now all you say is ‘fine?’”

He glanced up at her, lips in a forced smile. “S’all good, Jess--just tired.”

Bryn gave you a look, one that asked what stick is up his ass?, before she changed the topic.

“Let’s not tell our server how fit she is tonight, yeah?”

Jake let out a snort of a laugh and sipped at the water that had already been brought to your table. “Alright, you thought the one last week was just as hot as I did.”

“I did,” Bryn agreed seriously, “but I didn’t offer my number unsolicited. How do you know she’s even straight?”

“She’s got a point,” Jessie chimed in. “Remember when you asked that girl to dance in the club when her girlfriend was right there with her arm around her?”

“I thought they were just mates!” Jake defended.

“You also have the worst radar for gay women ever,” Bryn nodded.

“When was this?” Harry asked, the hint of a smile on his face when he watched Jake adjust his napkin on his lap.

The words came out of your mouth without thought. “You weren’t here--you were in LA.”

He met your eyes when you replied, nodded, and then leaned back in his chair, effectively bowing out of the conversation without saying another word.

You weren’t trying to be short with him. You looked over to Jessie, who undoubtedly sensed the tension, and offered a smile. “How’s the flat?”

“Good,” she nodded. “Glad that all my furniture got put together without any scratches,” she reached over and patted Adam on the shoulder.

“We’re not children, Jessie, we can handle some furniture.”

“You broke my dresser when I asked you guys to move it into another room,” Bryn reminded, a look of confusion on her face at Adam’s retort.

“Only because it was already half broken and a piece of shit,” Jake said. “I love you, Brynnie, but that dresser was already knocking on Heaven’s door.”

Harry let out a laugh at that, another memory that he had missed while on a trip to a studio somewhere north of London. He excused himself to the bathroom after you placed your orders, and once he was out of earshot, Jake leaned down and looked at you.

“What’s going on with him?”

You forced a cheesy grin and blinked a few times. “He’s just grumpy.”

“‘Bout what?” Bryn asked.

“Guys,” you leaned back in your chair, hoping you didn’t have to say too much. “I can’t tell you every single thing that happens in our relationship.”

“Well, when it affects us I think we have the right to know,” Jessie shrugged, playing the typical we don’t like when our parents fight card.

“It’s not affecting you,” you shook your head, eyed her seriously over your glass of Pinot Noir.

Adam shrugged, a smirk on his face let you know he was trying to rile you up. “He’s grumpy at dinner and we’re all here and we’re all aware of it. We don’t like tension between you two.”

“Alright, leave the woman alone,” Jake waved them off. “As long as everything’s alright.”

“It’s totally alright,” you nodded, wondering when you’d gotten so comfortable lying to them. “He’s just busy with the next phase of work.”

With Harry’s album yet to be announced, you couldn’t sit around in a London restaurant and divulge details--even if you were all acutely aware of the work he’d put in and the upcoming announcements and events.

Adam let it go. “How’s work for you, Smalls?”

Another shrug of your shoulders, “s’good--I told you all about my November cover story, right?”

“Yeah,” Jessie sipped a glass of Cabernet. “But you said you didn’t know who it was going to be with.”

“Well, s’cause I had to drop the bomb on him first,” you nodded in the direction of the bathroom. “I’ll be sitting down in a few days with Ms. Gigi Hadid,” you lowered your voice and leaned forward to say her name.

Bryn’s eyes went wide, Jake grimaced.

“How’d he take that?” Adam asked.

“He’s not thrilled,” you admitted. “But I’ll talk with his team about what to avoid specifically, I guess. Her team will probably have a list of off-limits items too.”

Bryn let her elbows rest on the white tablecloth. “Yeah, but, you can’t just ignore the fact that she’s dating Zayn.”

“I also can’t just barge in and stir shit up,” you said.

Harry pulled his chair out next to you and sat back down. “Who are you stirring shit up with?”

Everyone chose to be quiet now--Adam looked down at his phone and Jessie reached for her wine again.

“Just telling them about my cover story,” you admitted, watching his face for a reaction.

He nodded, a tiny smirk in your direction. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t stir shit up,” he said, reaching to put a hand on your thigh beneath the table.

Those were the moments that made you feel less panicky--the realization that he was still choosing you and even when the tension was high and the mood was low, he’d reach over and remind you that yes, he cared. Even if he was late to dinner or distracted.

Which is why, when you got back in his car that night and headed for his house, you were surprised when his mood shifted again.

“I’ll just drop you at yours?”

“Oh--yeah, sure.”

“Did you want to come to mine?” He looked over at you like he hadn’t expected any resistance to sleeping separately.

You were quiet for a second--not if he didn’t want you there. “No, it’s fine.”

“I can’t read your mind, Y/N.”

“You don’t have to,” you said quickly, a prickly tone to your words when he made an unreadable face.

He drove in silence for a few minutes, closing in on your neighborhood when the street lamps disappeared for the sake of suburbia.

Eventually he cleared his throat and that sent you over the edge.

“What do you want me to say, Harry? Do you want me to apologize for interviewing for this job?”

“No,” he said simply. “I just don’t know why you thought you didn’t need to tell me about a huge decision like that.”

“It wasn’t a decision until today when they offered it to me.”

“Just seems like something you talk to your boyfriend about.”

You looked over at him in the dark of night, the glow from the dashboard didn’t help you see his features as he turned left onto your street.

“Well, sorry that we didn’t have the opportunity to talk about it between your work schedule and Jessie moving in and group dates--”

He slowed down on your street, put his flashers on when he stopped in front of your building. “I don’t want to keep secrets from each other,” his voice was softer now. “I don’t want to not know what’s going on in your life. I did enough of that for two years when we weren't talking.”

You sighed at this, the sentiment broke whatever anger was lurking inside you and when you looked up to see him, you wondered if you should ask him.

Are we ever going to move in together? Are we ever going to get engaged?

You figured the lead up to his sophomore album wasn’t the best time for that conversation. He pressed a kiss to your forehead and you climbed the stairs to your flat alone.

**

A few days later you sat nervously in a conference room and watched as beads of sweat formed on the water glass in front of you. Tyler had brought you in, offered you a breath mint, and promised you’d be fine. When you asked him if the whole room was hot he said it was just you and your nerves--but the droplets of water that raced towards the wooden conference table begged to differ.

You’d gotten email after email this morning: one from Jeff with the rules he and Harry had come up with and eight from Gigi’s team with requests for snacks, topics to discuss, topics to avoid, lunch request, arrival and departure time, and a few extra regarding booking her photoshoot the next day.

A text lit up your screen when you tried to smooth your your hair in the reflection of your screen.

Jake Newcomb (10:42am): In case you’re wondering what to get me for my birthday, a video of Gigi Hadid saying she loves me would be perfect!

You ignored his text and felt a pang of disappointment in your gut, you thought it would have been Harry with words of encouragement.

He was fine with you doing the interview, he seemed to come around to the idea when he met with Jeff and had a chance to mark some things as off limits.

So far, his list was as follows:

Don’t publish anything too negative about anyone in the band (if she says anything negative about anyone in the band)

Harry and Jeff got to listen to the taped interview

Harry and Jeff got to read the article before you sent it off to your editor and could make suggestions to cut things if they felt it necessary.

It seemed silly, but you’d long been used to the lingo of contracts and riders and ground rules for things like these. You knew both Harry and Jeff trusted you, in fact, Jeff was now choosing to see this as a good opportunity for press before the announcement of Harry’s album.

Your biggest concern, truly, was not looking/sounding/acting like an idiot in a room alone with Gigi Hadid. Your second biggest concern was conducting a unique interview and writing a unique article.

You knew that Naomi and Tyler were nearby for support if needed, Tyler had already walked by the conference room three times to see if your subject had arrived and likely to make sure you hadn’t sweat through your blouse. You thought the commotion in the hallway was him until you saw a group of busy-looking people with cellphones and sunglasses.

“Hi,” you stood from your chair, extended a hand in her direction and offered your best professional smile. “It’s nice to meet you, Gigi, thanks for doing this interview.”

She seemed hesitant at first, smiled a little and shook your hand. “Happy to,” she said. She turned over her shoulder and locked eyes with the woman who seemed to be the most in-charge of the group. “I’m good,” she nodded.

They hustled out quickly, you stood frozen in place and watched as she took off her coat before sitting in the chair you’d pulled out for her. Once the door was shut behind her posse, she let out a sigh that bled into a frustrated laugh.

“I could never do an interview with all of them just loitering around--wouldn’t that be so weird?”

You nodded, mirrored her smile and had to remind your body how to move. Left foot, right, breathe, sit in the chair.

You weren’t really one to get star struck, but then again, you didn’t spend too much time with celebrities that weren’t Harry or his close friends. You certainly never sat down with a model like Gigi to have a conversation that could be as awkward as this one.

She checked her phone quickly but then put it face down on the table. “I am happy to do this, I know it might feel weird for us to be hanging out--but boys are stupid anyway.”

You smiled at this, immediately relaxed when she leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs.

“Did you also get a whole list of things to not talk to me about?”

She stifled a laugh and rolled her eyes. “Zayn can be a man of few words but,” she looked down at your phone on the table. “Off the record--he had quite a bit to say when I told him you were doing the interview.”

“Off the record,” you laughed, “Harry did too. But how is Zayn?”

“He’s good--thinking about getting back in the studio at some point to start working on a new album, he’s been writing a bunch. Harry’s doing the same I assume?”

“Yes, yeah, he’s been really busy.”

“I know things might not have gone great between all of them at the end, but I don’t want this to be awkward for us.”

“Me neither. You can say as much or as little about the band as you’d like.”

She nodded, you figured it was time to give your pre-interview spiel.

“So, I’ll record us in a few seconds, you can obviously say ‘off the record’ if there’s something you don’t want me to include, but I like my interviews to be like conversations, basically. I’ll send someone on your team the recording when we’re done and a typed transcript. You’ll have 48-hours to look over it and revoke any statements that you don’t want me publishing or to clarify anything. After that I’ll write the story, send a final copy to your team before it gets finalized here, again, 48-hours to look it over and request any changes but at that time we don’t have to approve the requests. This is all in a document somewhere that someone probably signed for you--I’m sure your team is used to it, they know what they’re doing.”

You reached forward and pressed a few buttons on your phone, she watched until you looked up and told her: “It’s on now, so we’re recording and today is September 10th, 2019.”

She smiled like you were old friends. “Where do we start?”

“Is there somewhere you want to start?”

She leaned her head to the side. “We can jump right to it--”

“To what?”

“Oh come on,” she laughed. “Us talking about One Direction will make headlines for weeks.”

“Yeah,” you shrugged. “It’s funny that us just sitting down together will be a big deal, right? As if we’ve got nothing better to talk about than them.”

“Sexism at it’s finest,” she admitted.

“Do you find that a lot in your industry?”

She thought on this for a second, looked out the window but nodded. “It’s unavoidable, in a lot of ways. I think there have been a lot of changes over the last few years to at least move us in the right direction, but we’ve got a long way to go.”

“How would you want to see it change for the better?”

“Well, I’d love to have more privacy about my love life, for one,” she caught herself, looked to you quickly as if she felt bad. “Off the record, we can talk about it here, it’s fine. It’s different to talk about it with a woman, number one. And you’re you, you get it.”

“We don’t have to talk about it,” you offered.

“No, I don’t mind. Unless you plan on asking me stupid things like how amazing is it to be dating someone as handsome as him or do I find that his job overshadows mine, we’re good. We can be back on the record, too,” she looked down at the numbers on your phone, eyeing the ticking of the recording clock.

“But do you know what I mean? No one asks guys questions like that--or they’re different, at least. People just want to know everything about your relationship when you’re a woman and they view you in the context of who you’re sleeping with.”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I get that.”

She smiled, “it’s hard to date someone famous, isn’t it? Lots of rules around it.”

You were surprised by the genuine look in her eyes, despite her own status and contracts and income, she seemed to be acknowledging that the two of you shared a unique experience and were now brought together under strange circumstances.

“It’s definitely hard for me--but, isn’t it easier seeing as you also have an assistant and a manager and people to, I don’t know, facilitate things? Not to invalidate how hard it still is.”

She laughed at that, “Yeah, in some ways, probably. He’s really private though, which is good for us. We focus on ourselves and do our own thing most of the time.”

“Right--you seem pretty private about it for the most part.”

“Yeah,” she shrugged, reflecting on your words for a second. “I think to me it feels weird that my relationship status can make so much news, you know? Modeling is my job and obviously that’s not your typical nine-to-five but--I like to focus on my work and when male journalists are continuously obsessed with my love life, I find that weird. I mean, you get that, right? I’m sure it’s no different with Harry.”

You bit your lip, embarrassed at how she’d managed to turn it around. She was right--you’d been getting more and more annoyed with how much your relationship with Harry was dictating your life--and for some reason, you admitted this to her.

“People are much more interested in me because I’m dating him--but they’d be just as interested in you even if you weren’t.”

“Would they?” She tilted her head to the side, another rise and fall of her shoulders as she looked around the room. “I get what you’re saying, but sometimes it feels like dating him gave my career a huge boost. I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, I totally get it. I feel the same way. I was building my career in New York and it was going well and I was writing fun stuff and making a name for myself and then I started hanging out with him and--”

“Everyone started to care more about you?”

“Exactly.”

You thought about the headlines, the articles, the pictures in tabloids that undoubtedly helped your name spread like wildfire through London and New York. You had to ignore it, most of the time, reassure yourself that you were a good journalist and a good employee and the good things in your career were not just a byproduct of the boy who slept in your bed.

She smiled knowingly, her lips in a thin line when she looked down to the tape recorder, almost like she felt guilty for steering the conversation in a different direction.

“Sorry,” you cleared your throat, sitting up straight. “Back to business.”

The conversation bled into more normal things: the upcoming fall fashion week, how she manages self-care when she’s busy jetting from city to city, and, try as you might, the two of you wound your way back to your commonalities a few times: sexism in your industries, life as young women dating famous men.

You thanked her profusely at the end and promised that Tyler would be in touch to confirm the date and time for her corresponding photoshoot later that week. She draped a Versace leather tote over her shoulder and seemed to float out of the office with a posse of beautiful people behind her.

You stood--still awestruck--in the hallway and watched as the elevator doors slid shut.

“She’s prettier in person,” Tyler said from beside you, a notebook in hand as he stared at the air she’d once occupied. “I didn’t know if that type of thing was possible but she’s definitely one of the prettiest humans I’ve ever seen.”

“She was nice,” you turned around to see Naomi behind him, also eager for more details. You headed back for your office in a trance, they scurried behind you as you thought aloud. “I mean, I didn’t think she’d be rude--but I didn’t know what to expect with the whole band history stuff.”

“Did you talk about that?”

“Less about the band and more about--” you blinked a few times and sat down at your desk, “sexism, what it’s like to be a woman dating a famous man and how that affects your career.”

Both of their eyes went wide, a smile tugged at Naomi’s lips when Tyler put a hand over his heart in shock.

“I’m sorry, so you’re telling me that you just had a heart to heart with Gigi Hadid about sexism and your boyfriends and--”

“I guess so,” you shrugged, just as surprised as they were.

**

You gave Harry fewer details that night over FaceTime as you brushed your teeth. He was somewhere in New York, disappointed that he’d miss Jake’s birthday dinner and celebration, but he promised to make it up to him when he got back.

He lifted a cup of tea to take a sip, light shone through the window behind him on your screen and he scrolled through emails on his laptop.

You spit into the sink, an ocean between you.

“Have you thought at all about the offer? You have to tell them by tomorrow, yeah?”

You nodded, wiped at your mouth with a towel and then crossed your arms. “I can stay, I mean--if you want me to.”

He made a face at that, leaned forward and furrowed his brows together. “Of course I want you to stay, Y/N, but I don’t want to be the reason you pass on something important."

You were quiet for a second, uncapped lotion before spreading some across your forehead.

"I'm sorry I didn't react well when you told me. I'm proud of you and it sounds like a phenomenal opportunity...I don't know, it's just the timing of it--"

You cut him off, “well none of this is ideal timing, Harry.”

“Do you mean with my album?”

“I mean with any of it,” you said truthfully. “The album, the job offer--”

“Well the album existed before the job offer,” he trailed off.

Only a matter of seconds and a handful of words had managed to get you elevated and angry and ready to fight. That was happening more easily, these days.

“So what am I supposed to do? Always come second? Make every decision in my life based off of your career and your music?”

“S’not what I’m saying.”

“Then what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that--I dunno--I thought you knew what you were getting into.”

Quiet, your hands gripped the counter in your bathroom. Your bare feet were on the floor and you wondered why you were trying so hard to make everything work if things were only getting harder.

“That came out wrong,” he shook his head, the look on his face let you know he wanted to take it back.

“No, it didn’t." You let out a sharp laugh. "I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Take the job,” he said quickly, like he saw you reaching for the button to end the FaceTime call.

“What?”

“Take it. If it’ll make you happy, take it.”

“And what about us?”

“We figure it out,” he shrugged. “We try.”

You sighed, unsure what to say.

"It's Los Angeles," he said. "Not Antarctica."

You blew air between your lips, looked up at him for a second. The curl of hair that dipped onto his forehead, the way his mouth pulled up in the corner like it always had.

“I love you, Y/N. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

His words didn’t offer any relief and you spent most of the night staring at the ceiling, tossing and turning and wondering how on earth you were supposed to make a decision.

Leaving him in London felt stupid. A few bumps in the road and you were ready to jump ship?

But staying and hoping for a ring or a shared address felt even stupider, somehow. You couldn’t pass up a dream job and hope that things would go well for your career if you weren’t going to work for it.

A few hours of rest came after 3am, your morning coffee was a tad bitter and the clouds in the sky seemed to match your mood. Maybe you should have spent more time thinking it over, talking it out, even calling your mum or Katie for advice.

But you couldn’t have told everyone about the job offer without a certain answer, and unfortunately, the person you wanted to talk to the most didn’t seem like he could be impartial.

You’d been upset, you’d been feeling disconnected from him, but that didn’t erase all of the good times and the happy memories you’d made, right?

Naomi and Tyler locked themselves in your office for lunch on Friday, they promised that they’d never tell your boss and they swore they supported you either way. Tyler used an expo marker to make a pros and cons list of staying in London and Naomi came up with a points system for each bullet on the list.

You stared at it, looked at the names of all of your friends, your family, your favorite cafes and restaurants in London. At the very bottom of what had become a long list of reasons to stay was his name.

And on the other side, Tyler’s poor drawing of an engagement ring sat beside a big question mark.

You didn’t know what the future held for you and Harry, and maybe that was okay. You didn’t know what would happen when you packed your life into a suitcase and moved to New York, but you’d survived to tell the tale.

They were quiet, eyes darting from the board back to you as they waited for you to say something.

You sighed, Tyler shifted on the couch in your office and Naomi smoothed out her blouse.

“I can’t take it,” you said.

Tyler’s eyes went wide, “really? You’re staying?”

“I can’t leave,” you shrugged. “I can’t leave him behind and leave my friends and start all over in a new city right as I’m really finding my groove here again.”

“Okay, I know we said we’d support you either way but I would have been fucking pissed if you went,” Tyler admitted, moving closer to wrap his arms around you.

You laughed, let him squeeze you before Naomi joined in.

“Me too,” she confessed, a smile on her face when she pulled away. “But I would have at least faked happy for you.”

You bit back the doubt and second-guessing, used their excitement to fuel a regretful email.

Thank you so much for the opportunity, but after careful consideration I cannot accept this position due to the geographical location.

Your thumb hovered over the small blue arrow, a wave of panic flooded through you when you hit send, like somehow, something inside of you knew that everything was about to change.

join the tag list here | talk to me

tag list: @thurhomish @styles217 @ursamajor603 @mleestiles @determined-overthinker @g0bl1nqueen @hsfics @sing-me-a-song-harry @theresnooneheretosave @cronias13 @rainbowbutterflyboy @unknown7549

AN: apologies in advance for the cliffhanger......except I'm not sorry lmao

[agentnico]

Free Guy (2021) Review

“Don’t have a good day, have a great day!”

Plot: When a bank teller discovers he's actually a background player in a brutal open-world video game, he decides to become the hero of his own story - one that he can rewrite himself. In a world where there's no limits, he's determined to save the day his way before it's too late, and maybe find a little romance with the coder who conceived him.

Last time I watched such a hyper-actively positive film I was seeing little LEGO figures jumping about on screen with Morgan Freeman hanging off a string in ghost form. Yes, The LEGO Movie shares a lot in common with Free Guy, not just in its opening sequence where Ryan Reynolds’s loveable Guy is starting off a perfectly good day every day with a nice cup of coffee and wishing everyone not a good, but a great day, goes to the job at his bank and goes back home, and rinse and repeat. But the character of Guy himself is basically Chris Pratt’s Emmett from The LEGO Movie - full of sunshine and innocence and taking everything that comes with child-like excitement and energy. You can also treat Mariah Carey’s “Fantasy” song usage here like “Everything is Awesome” with how many times its played, but damn if it isn’t catchy! And the film comparisons don’t end there. You wouldn’t be faulted for seeing references to Ready Player One with all the cameos and Easter Eggs and pop culture references thrown in the mix, to The Truman Show based on the general concept and obviously certain video games such as Grand Theft Auto, Saints Row and even Sims due to the video game open world that the movie creates. 

Speaking of the video game open world that is created, you could tell director Shawn Levy and the producers went through a lot of effort to research modern video games and all the tiny little details and quirks that exist. For example it was a lot of fun seeing characters tea-bag someone they just killed to then a character glitching out and jumping into the wall repetitively or the obvious inclusion of Fortnite inspired dance jiggles. You also get cameos from various real-life game streamers such as Jacksepticeye and DanTDM, and I found an interview on IGN where those guys spoke about in regards to how Hollywood can never seem to get video-game-to-film adaptations right, and how they appreciated that the producers of Free Guy went to them and asked questions and actually showed interest in wanting to create a realistic feeling video game in the movie and getting the terminology right. Evidently unlike other video game adaptations Free Guy manages to succeed from the fact that it doesn’t need to replicate a specific game from real life. There are nods to certain games as I aforementioned, but otherwise they’ve created their own entire game and as such there is no expectation to impress a certain individual fan base. So in conclusion what I’m saying is that I guess Hollywood should stop trying to adapt film versions of popular video game franchises and instead do their own original stuff maybe? Then again I do want to see that Ghost of Tsushima adaptation come to life, so yes, I’ll just go and kindly shut myself up.

Taking the video game matter aside for the time being, I found Free Guy to be an absolute delight from start to finish. Well, to be exact from 20 minutes from the start to finish. Honestly when the film began I was concerned if the movie was going to turn out to be the typical “I live in a simulation” story, and though as a basis it is exactly that, there’s so much goodness thrown into the mix with funny jokes to the cameos (the cameos are to die for!) to the visuals to the music choices to the performances - the movie is such a joy to watch. Speaking of the cameos and pop culture references, Free Guy is also an interesting film outside of its narrative. This movie was in production during the time the studio that was behind it - 20th Century Fox - was being sold to a certain little known company called Disney. As such, you can tell after the studio’s transfer to Disney was complete, this film underwent some additional reshoots and last minute changes, mainly in the finale because there are certain surprises at the end of the movie that will be a geek/nerd’s wet dream and were only made possible after Disney’s acquisition of 20th Century Fox, now known as 20th Century Studios. Personally I still have my qualms about Disney being the massive conglomerate business giant that is buying out all the other studios, but not going to lie even I got excited and jumped up like a kid in my cinema seat when a certain something happened at the end of this movie. Luckily only my lovely fiancée saw me like this as she was sitting next to me, and yes, I’m certain that me revealing my true nerd colours definitely lost me some attraction points from her, but nevertheless I don’t care, the Easter Eggs at the end of this movie are real fun!

The entire cast is top notch here. Ryan Reynolds does his usual shtick that he’s been doing ever since he found success with Deadpool, however naturally here he’s kept PG-13 and not swearing every other breath. That being said, his charm and sarcastic charisma really worked for the role of Guy, and he presented himself as really loveable and naïve and it was impossible not to like him in this film. Jodie Comer in her role has also been getting humongous praise from critics and reviewers alike, and yes, the rumours are true, she shares great on screen chemistry with Ryan Reynolds and also is proper cool and badass as to be expected. That being said I was told by a certain someone that they know someone who knows someone who knew someone who spoke to someone who said that they worked with Jodie Comer on the set of Killing Eve, and this was just some behind-the-scenes worker, and apparently in their experience they found Comer to be a real diva and challenge to work with. So that’s now me here spreading some gossip for no apparent reason besides causing a little stir and now I can move on. Joe Keery has a much bigger role in this film that the trailers made it seem, and I must say the lad has really been doing well for himself ever since his appearance in Stranger Things. Whenever I’ve see him in anything since such as Spree or Death to 2020 he’s always been wonderful to watch. Here in Free Guy he’s no different, getting to play a character who at first comes off as a villain but then is revealed to simply be a guy working for the wrong person. Speaking of that wrong person, the villain of the movie is played by none other than actor-director Taika Waititi himself, and his role is really interesting seeing as he plays the owner of this big video game business company who only cares about money and sequels over art, which I found quite ironic seeing as this movie is distributed by Disney that’s all about sequels, remakes and reboots. Just saying. Also found it funny how even though this movie marks a little reunion of sorts for Ryan Reynolds and Taika Waititi, they don’t share any scenes together which was probably for the best, as last time they worked together Green Lantern occurred. Anyway, Taika is as goofy and over-the-top as you expect him to be, and I can see him being very divisive. You’ll either find him hilarious or super annoying. However both opinions would work seeing as he’s the villain.

Free Guy is an absolute cuddly crowd-pleaser full of casual mayhem and crazy ideas, and is sure to be a welcome boost of fun in a summer that naturally lacked bigger blockbusters due to what’s happening in the world right now. However nonetheless, this and The Suicide Squad have really made a point that cinema is back, hopefully to stay.

Overall score: 9/10

[i-dont-want-your-hysteria]

A Certain Heartache (Joe x Reader)

(this might be the supreme Joe Hoe fic. Just simping out the fucking ass. Before I had a title for this, I just referred to it as “The Simp Fic”. I would write this late at night while lonely)

Dedicated to @heaven-is-hysteria​ >:3

Words: 3,494

Prompt: Holland, 1985, pre-Hysteria. You’ve been working alongside the band long before the recording of the 4th album began. Studio stress is at an all time high, so you and Joe (your mutual confidant) have a long, intimate talk one evening to vent it all away. After you part ways for the night, both of you are kept awake by the gears turning in your heads.

Romantic tension ahoy!

-----

His warm, lengthy body was perfectly contoured against yours. It was such a cold night, and you were glad he was there under the covers to provide you with an extra sense of security. The drumming of his heart thumped against your ear, and the swelling of his lungs was your reminder that your pillow was capable of breathing, too. As per his duty as a pillow, he let you cling to him in any way you pleased and had not complained once; he would just tell you "if you're comfy, then so am I."

Yes, that's what Joe would've done- if he were there with you.

Instead, there you were, in the wrong bed again. The bed would only feel like the right one if you had his company.

Romantic tension didn't even begin to define what you and Joe had between yourselves. There was no doubt in sight that both of you sensed it. It was magic in the air that only appeared when you were alone; it was something truly different. Things like a brief touch to your hair, holding hands, a quick kiss on the cheek, or occasionally dozing off on each other made this magic arise. There had been times of genuine affection with Joe, just as there had been times of platonic friendship. Unfortunately, you weren't sure where the line was drawn between them.

Based on past events, neither did he.

Stress at the studio had taken a toll on both of you over the past few weeks. That night, either of you were on the verge of a total breakdown because of it. You'd spent about two hours sitting and standing, walking and talking, laughing and crying to each other. The more you thought on it, the more romantic it felt. The social intimacy you discovered felt somehow more binding than what Joe had with the rest of his band mates.

Your heart leapt against the sheets at the realization; he let himself be open and sensitive around you that night, not the others. Of all people the mighty Joe Elliott was close to during such a pivotal time in his career, he chose to have deep conversation at night with you. And there you were, lying awake at night, unable to sleep because you were thinking about him.

For fuck's sake- this is getting too serious. You weren't sure why neither you or Joe hadn't made a move quite yet. One thing was for sure; it was killing you- especially after an evening like that.

-----

Your warm, gentle body was perfectly curled over his. While he didn't want to appear nervous, Joe's heart was mercilessly thumping against your ear. You were using him as a pillow, and he was trying to be the best one he could be. Even after Joe dismissed your concern for his comfort, you'd still try to shift yourself in a way that would feel better to him.

Yes, that's what you would've done- if you were there with him.

The game of chicken you two were clearly playing was reaching a breaking point. Joe wasn't sure who would crack first, but cracks were undoubtedly forming.

Joe stared up at his ceiling. The cold night was eating away at his skin, and goosebumps came and went when they wanted. When you both left each other for the night, it felt wrong and awkward. He felt like he should've spoken up and asked if you wanted to stay with him. Just a quick "wanna stay at my place tonight?" would've sufficed.

Joe thought that might have sounded better than "can I stay at your place tonight?", but regardless, he didn't get the chance to test either of them. It's not like it mattered too much to him. After all, you were only a hallway away from each other.

That evening, your long route through conversation topics left Joe feeling changed. He couldn't put his finger on what had changed, however. He supposed it had something to do with how you normally viewed him. For inexplicable reasons, you always seemed to get along with him the best. After that night, it was apparent you preferred him over the rest of the band.

The bumps on Joe's arms rose higher under the covers.

Out of the five Leppards, you chose him. He was the singer, and should've been used to girls picking him, but you still left him flattered and flushed like a shy child. Joe felt that of all the Leppards in distress, he was the last one who needed another heartache or another sleepless night.

Yet there he was, lying awake at night, unable to sleep because he was chosen by you. Oh, bloody wonderful. When it came to you, the line between 'friend' and 'girlfriend' was getting thinner and thinner. Joe couldn't get you to leave his heart, it seemed.

Unfortunately- to him- that only meant one thing:

There was no going back.

-----

It felt incredibly late now, but hardly an hour had passed since you went to bed. With Joe occupying every corner of your mind, you almost wanted to get up and go to the end of the hall to get him. You almost wanted that so badly. His affection wasn't just something you desired at the moment; it was something you couldn't get through the night without. It was an ache deep inside you- but you couldn't place whether it was in your heart or your soul.

Thinking of him felt like a dream, and in one corner of your mind, the phrase "man of your dreams" soon became his label.

The plain old pillow you embraced wasn't doing as well of a job as a tender, 6'2", warm-blooded, long-haired Yorkshire gentleman would have. You could still feel him all around you; his presence wouldn't leave. A hallway away and nothing but silence separating you both made the sound of Joe's heart louder than anything.

You wanted him with you, plain and simple. You just needed him there in whatever way was convenient. You wanted him to hold you and softly breathe against you and tell you he was happy to be in bed with you. Hell, he didn't even need to say anything if he didn't feel like it.

In the darkness, you blinked a few times. Your head shook and you rolled away from the fantasies of your late-night conscience. Who could ever truly know what Joe wanted? Certainly not you. He had his thoughts, and you had yours.

That night felt like the night where if a move could've been made, it would've been made.

It should've been made.

Wasted time, you thought. Maybe that's all tonight was; a missed opportunity, and wasted time. Just when you speculated things might have been getting down to the bone, you began to think too much, and an idea crushed you: what if you were just another hopeless maniac who wanted to get your hands on the lead singer? Anyone with an outside perspective would have most likely seen things that way.

You didn't feel like that, though. You knew what you felt.

Maybe you were just another crazed fan, and maybe Joe was just another rocker out of your league. Even if that were so, that didn't mean your feelings for him were fake.

Maybe Joe wasn't even the man of your dreams... but god, you still needed him so badly that night.

----

Joe lost track of how many times he'd tried falling asleep. Each and every time, he was interrupted by a flood of your imaginary presence. With you threatening every inch of his mind, he almost wanted to march down the hallway and take you back with him. Dare he say, he needed that. It was such an intense longing, he wanted to beat his arms against his bed and exert it all away- just to make it stop.

Unfortunately, he didn't have the energy for that right then. He felt like he was trapped in a dream he was unable to be woken from. Any second now, he hoped, he'd wake up and realize he'd made it through this dream-like temptation.

For a fast second, his conscience labeled you as "dreamy."

Joe shook away the label, rolled onto his side, and resumed his fantasy. There wasn't just a craving for your presence; there was a starvation for it.

As far as your previous interaction went, there were a million more things he thought of to add onto it. He didn't want that evening to stop- not then, not ever. He wanted more from your time together. He didn't just want vocal reassurance; he wanted physical reassurance. Joe wanted to experience every soft part of you cushioning him while he slept. He wanted to feel your hair frazzled against his skin. More than anything, he needed a tender touch from you- any tender touch from you. You were a reminder that tenderness still existed, and that tenderness still cared about him. Joe's eyes opened in the darkness, and he audibly sighed as the fantasy was broken. He didn't know if you desperately cared about him like that; he couldn't read your mind. Who could ever truly know what you wanted? Certainly not him. Just like Joe currently trapped in his own universe, you had a world of your own down the hall. These worlds felt like perfectly matching puzzle pieces when they collided- especially hours before. It would've been easy for Joe to make a move. In fact, it wouldn't have just been easy; it was probably expected from you. If there was any right time to make it move, it was that night for sure.

But Joe didn't do that. Instead, he wasted time regretting something he didn't do. Things seemed as if they were looking clearer to him. He finally reached the extent of how badly he needed you in the dead of the night, yet also felt you were getting further away. Perhaps he was overthinking it- but that sense of failure was overwhelming and true. He blew it; plain and simple. You'd definitely peaked in your friendship that night, and to Joe, that meant it was only downhill from there. He didn't want that.

He didn't need another thing to regret. He didn't need another reason to not march down the hall and somehow ask you to stay with him for the night. He didn't need another hour of heartsick insomnia.

But god, he needed you so badly that night. Maybe he needed you just a little bit more. -----

You were starting to rationalize that you weren't going to get any sleep. The best you could do was lay facing the ceiling and hope to fantasize yourself into slumber. If one thought could lead to another, perhaps it'd be pleasant enough to lull you to rest.

A few lovely fantasies rolled around in your head. First, it was Joe suddenly showing up right then and there, sweeping you off your feet, and kissing you deeply. Second, it was you going over to him and pulling him down onto your lips.

That aspect of your midnight brain struck you as strange. You'd never thought too much about kissing Joe before. Although thoughts about kissing were expected from romantic tension, it wasn't something you actively desired. It wasn't as if you normally thought about Joe's lips- how soft they might be, how gentle he might use them, how not gentle he might use them, or how he might make them dance on other parts of your body.

It wasn't like thinking about those things kept you up at night.

After that, the third fantasy that came your way was waiting until morning to try and rekindle the spark you and Joe created not long ago. Maybe approaching him and trying that would go over well.

Instantly upon registering the thought, you draped your forearm over your eyes with a scoff.

No, that would horribly awkward. The fourth fantasy, you decided, was a more reasonable course of action. What you would do was wait.

You'd wait however long you needed and let things run their course. While it was painful to think of, you concluded that maybe not touching anything would make things better.

While it was rational, that option sounded the least realistic.

Or, maybe, I should just sleep on it. A loud sigh floated from your mouth at the idea. You wanted to be put out of your misery in order to get away from this certain heartache. While you were half-decent at handling your problems, you weren't a miracle worker.

-----

Joe was staring at his door now. He had accepted that he wouldn't be getting any sleep. The best he could do was lay facing the door and hope he'd come up with a course of action to end his suffering and heartache.

His mind wasn't working like yours. There weren't multiple fantasies for him to dwell upon in order to lull him to sleep. There weren't several options floating around in his head. He was stuck, he was antsy, and he was impulsive. Into his mind came only one option, and, unfortunately, it stuck to him. To his disbelief, it was a realistic course of action.

Joe smushed his face into his pillow, sighing loudly. Being tired didn't just make you fantasize more, and he knew it.

Being tired also made you completely, undoubtedly, one-hundred-percent honest. Paired with his impulsive conscience, he had a perfect recipe for humiliation. The worst part of it: he didn't care. Well, she's probably just as tired as I am, he reasoned with his twilight mind, Would it really be that big of a problem? -----

Knock, knock. knock. Naturally, your brain whispered Joe's name the instant you heard a feeble noise in the hallway. Your heart instinctively leapt, but just as quickly, your mind shot down the possibility of him crashing through your door and declaring his intense mutual longing. Perhaps you were truly exhausted now, and had hallucinated the noise to begin with.

Your arm was still over your eyes when there came proper knocks at the door. A startled gasp flew from your mouth. In a wink, you were sitting on the side of your bed and staring intently into the blackness.

"Y/n?" Joe's voice gently seeped through the door. Your eyes lit up, and your heart began to tremble within you. Turns out this isn't a fantasy after all. A hand reached over and turned on the lamp, and you'd never thrown on your robe so fast in your life. Joe was there- he was there for real. "Coming," you cooed, not even thinking of fixing your appearance. None of that mattered; what mattered was getting to the door.

You carefully twisted the doorknob and pulled the door open. To your continuing surprise, your tender, 6'2", long-haired, warm-blooded Yorkshire gentleman was standing there. He was in his own robe- his rather short Union Jack robe, if that- and hadn't bothered to fix his appearance in any way at all either. As if you were looking in a mirror, you noticed how tired he seemed all over.

"Joe?" you made your surprise apparent, "What's wrong?"

Honesty, Joe said to himself, Honesty is what's wrong. "I can't sleep," he spoke with such sincerity.

You didn't hesitate to admit, "Me neither. What's got you up?"

Joe did hesitate at first.

"Oh, just- you... and everything we talked about. The gears are turning and I'm- so stressed."

He ran his fingers through his messy hair and faltered before tagging on, "I just wanted to ask you..."

You made your attentiveness clearer. You thought to pinch yourself in order to make sure you were conscious. What could Joe possibly say after seeking out your presence in the middle of the night, only to admit he couldn't stop thinking about you? Your fantasy, perhaps, may have been becoming concrete. If that was the case, you wanted to fulfill some of it yourself. "Would you wanna stay the night?" you both asked in sync with each other.

Each of you were taken aback, and giggled to yourselves as you avoided the other's eyes.

"We think too much alike, you know," Joe shook his head.

You stepped aside, inviting Joe into your apartment.

"I know."

With a twist of the lock, you felt no need for your silly fantasies anymore. You wiped away your stupid grin, and joined Joe on the mattress where he sat.

"I hope I didn't wake you," Joe apologized, "Even if you were having trouble sleeping. It's just- how was I supposed to sleep after an emotional roller-coaster like tonight?"

You sensed his emotional stress, and reached out to sloppily fix his hair from his face. His eyes bashfully darted away from you and looked down at the bed. "I know, I know. That's exactly why I couldn't sleep, either. My mind's all shook up; rattled around."

Your hand ruffled his hair, unable to keep yourself from showing him affection.

He silently laughed while masking the shiver your touch sent through his body.

Joe rubbed one of his legs and went on, "I can't stop thinking about past versions of ourselves. I feel like we could've prevented this whole fucking mess somehow. I feel... I don't know, guilty? And it's keepin' me up..."

While you were paying attention to what he said, you were paying more attention to his body language. Joe was being shy. Everything about him was oozing shyness. It was so out of character for him, even if he were half asleep. He was fidgety and avoiding eye contact with you. Even his choice of words sounded cautious. Not only that, but as soon as you seated yourself by him, there was a definite blush on his cheeks.

It was as if something had changed, but you don't know what. He almost looked like he was trying to be small. Joe's fingers traced shapes on your blanket, "I know things were never meant to be easy, but now things are getting impossible, you know? Like we had one shot and-"

His hand accidentally brushed against yours. The sound of your hearts dropping together was as audible as a gunshot. If he had suddenly taken your hand, it would've been less intimate than such a subtle gesture.

To cover up his accidental action, Joe did take your hand instead.

"-and it's like we blew it."

You could feel his quick pulse through your hand. There was no hiding he was nervous, now.

You other hand was placed on top of his. With a sympathetic smile, you looked at his blushing face and told him, "You didn't blow it, Joe. We're all in the same boat, and it's okay to have doubts. You guys are gonna have your second chance and I know it." He rolled his eyes in thought, still avoiding your look, "Maybe we're not good enough for a second chance..."

His hand was taken away shyly. Joe finally looked at you, but dashed his eyes away instantly.

"Oh, honey..."

Your hand sought him again, reaching out and cupping his cheek so he would look at you. Instead of speaking further, you leaned in and wearily planted a tired kiss on the opposite side of his face. "...you know you're worth it." your voice softly hit the side of his face. Before you could think of a way to pull back and move on with the conversation, Joe went completely rigid. Without thinking, you froze, too.

The magic was back- you both knew it. This was what you needed to get through the night.

You held yourself there at his jaw for a second or two, then carefully drug your lips over the side of his face, only stopping when they met his own. There was no other fitting action at that point; no other appropriate thing to do besides giving him a real kiss. Joe turned his head slowly, closing his eyes and complying with the sealed embrace. It seemed the thought of his lips were keeping you up at night after all. You both kept your eyes shut when the kiss ended. The dreamy sensation had captured you both; magic, indeed.

"Seems to me like we got a second chance tonight..." you whispered close to his mouth when your eyes fluttered open. Joe was now blushing even more strongly than just a moment ago.

He exhaled in surprise. The unexpected kiss had taken his words (and his breath) away. "Oh thank god, Y/n... I've been waiting so..." instead of saying something, he leaned in again to softly press his lips back against yours.

There was no more starvation, no more heartache, and no more fantasies. The only fantasy to be found was the present moment; the man of your dreams, kissing you gently, just as you had dreamed of.

Suddenly, you both felt you'd found the right bed at last.

[richincolor]

New month, new book releases! Check out these books launching tomorrow, March 2nd -- are any of them on your to-read list?

Infinity Reaper (Infinity Cycle #2) by Adam Silvera Emil and Brighton Rey defied the odds. They beat the Blood Casters and escaped with their lives–or so they thought. When Brighton drank the Reaper’s Blood, he believed it would make him invincible, but instead the potion is killing him.

In Emil’s race to find an antidote that will not only save his brother but also rid him of his own unwanted phoenix powers, he will have to dig deep into the very past lives he’s trying to outrun. Though he needs the help of the Spell Walkers now more than ever, their ranks are fracturing, with Maribelle’s thirst for revenge sending her down a dangerous path.

Meanwhile, Ness is being abused by Senator Iron for political gain, his rare shifting ability making him a dangerous weapon. As much as Ness longs to send Emil a signal, he knows the best way to keep Emil safe from his corrupt father is to keep him at a distance.

The battle for peace is playing out like an intricate game of chess, and as the pieces on the board move into place, Emil starts to realize that he may have been competing against the wrong enemy all along. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

Once Upon a Quinceañera by Monica Gomez-Hira

Carmen Aguilar just wants to make her happily ever after come true. Except apparently “happily ever after” for Carmen involves being stuck in an unpaid summer internship! All she has to do is perform! In a ball gown! During the summer. In Miami.

Fine. Except that Carmen’s company is hired for her spoiled cousin Ariana’s over the top quinceañera.

And of course, her new dance partner at work is none other than Mauro Reyes, Carmen’s most deeply regrettable ex.

If Carmen is going to move into the future she wants, she needs to leave the past behind. And if she can manage dancing in the blistering heat, fending off Mauro’s texts, and stopping Ariana from ruining her own quinceañera Carmen might just get that happily ever after after all. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

The Queen’s Secret (The Queen’s Secret #2) by Melissa de la Cruz

Lilac’s birthright makes her the Queen of Renovia, and a forced marriage made her the Queen of Stavin. But being a ruler does not mean making the rules. For Lilac, taking the throne means giving up the opportunity to be with love of her life, the kingdom’s assassin, Caledon Holt.

Worse, Cal is forced to leave the castle when a horrific set of magical attacks threatens Lilac’s sovereignty. Now Cal and Lilac will have to battle dark forces separately, even though being together is the only thing that’s ever saved them.

In the riveting conclusion to Melissa De La Cruz’s fantasy duet, love and magic are at war, and victory rests on a knife’s edge. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

Yolk by Mary H.K. Choi

Jayne Baek is barely getting by. She shuffles through fashion school, saddled with a deadbeat boyfriend, clout-chasing friends, and a wretched eating disorder that she’s not fully ready to confront. But that’s New York City, right? At least she isn’t in Texas anymore, and is finally living in a city that feels right for her.

On the other hand, her sister June is dazzlingly rich with a high-flying finance job and a massive apartment. Unlike Jayne, June has never struggled a day in her life. Until she’s diagnosed with uterine cancer.

Suddenly, these estranged sisters who have nothing in common are living together. Because sisterly obligations are kind of important when one of you is dying. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

Home is Not a Country by Safia Elhillo

Nima doesn’t feel understood. By her mother, who grew up far away in a different land. By her white suburban town, which feels both dangerous and familiar. At least she has her childhood friend Haitham, with whom she can let her guard down and be herself.

Until she doesn’t. As the ground is pulled out from under her, Nima must grapple with the phantom of a life not chosen, the name her parents didn’t give her at birth: Yasmeen. But that other name, that other girl, might just be more real than Nima knows. And more hungry.

This book is a story of mothers and daughters, of friends and enemies, of journeys and homecomings, and of realizing that sometimes the person you’re meant to be has been staring at you in the mirror all along. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

[elsewhereuniversity]

When I first started here, I called myself Ada, because my wordpress as a teen was adamantiumhalfdragonx523 and it was the first thing I thought of when they said I should pick a nickname.

...I know, it’s kinda ridiculous, and I was hoping to present a somewhat more mature persona at college. But at least Ada is an actual name, and I could claim it was after Ada Lovelace instead of my RP blog.

Anyway, I dove into class quickly. Engineering, with an accidental minor in physics: I liked the required courses so I took a few electives, then realized I was only like nine credits away from qualifying for a minor so I went for it. Got immediately bogged down by homework as usual, barely scraping C minuses through humanities requirements and getting extensions wherever I could. I’ve never been good with time management? It’s the adhd.

There were always rumours of strange things happening on campus, but I mean, it’s college. You get drunk larpers and people hallucinating moving shadows from lack of sleep and old buildings with confusing layouts and it’s enough for weird rumours to be spread for months.

There was this weird girl who moved in a couple doors down from me: she turned up around March, I think she was a transfer? Her roommate literally burst into tears and ran away down the hall when I mentioned her, so I didn’t push it. It was a bit weird but I guess they were close with their previous roommate? Don’t know why they left, maybe they dropped out. Anyway, near the end of the semester the girl — she went by hazelnut, I think — invited me to this pre-finals rager out in the woods. I think it was late April, maybe the first of May? Mysty (my roomie) said not to go but I was feeling pretty prepared for my exam so I figured I’d go check it out. She kept, like, tutting at me, and made a big show of pouring salt lines at the window and door and around her bed? I don’t know how you can pour salt sarcastically, but she managed.

It was a pretty decent party, honestly, all through the woods. There was obviously much wilder stuff happening deeper, bright lights and screams and music and stuff, but I met up with a group I vaguely recognized from some class or other, spent a good couple hours playing, like, a music-based chase game around this awesome spiderweb of a slackline rope course someone had set up in the trees, falling off laughingly as we got progressively drunker. Also Cuttlefish (trans dude, marine bio major) with the Bluetooth speaker started skipping erratically between songs with dramatically different genres and beat structures until we all ended up tackling him to make him stop. I was just thinking of heading back to dorm when this girl with really cool dark-fantasy makeup stumbled out of the trees, obviously in distress.

She was dressed in this kinda ragged-but-flowing translucent robe thing over incongruous muddy cargo shorts, barefoot, exhausted-looking, and screaming about being chased. Lark (short girl, I think geology major?) immediately grabbed some big hoola hoops I’d been ignoring (I mean, when there’s a huge multi-tiered rope course with ladders and slack lines and trapezes, hoola hoops don’t stand out) and threw one over Spider-makeup-girl immediately, who kinda collapsed to the ground sobbing in apparent relief, and Lark yelled for everyone else to sit in one as well. Something something salt circles? So we did, kinda bemusedly, two to a hoop.

Spider-girl’s chasers burst out of the trees a moment later, and, like, I had figured Elsewhere must have a pretty substantial cosplay community, considering the larping I’d heard people talking about, but damn these guys’ costumes were good. One had to have been like six and a half feet tall, but they were on tall digitigrade stilts that raised them closer to eight, if you included the mask, and the other had this really clean 4-arm rig and I swear the arms were moving separately. Like, I’m an engineer and I couldn’t figure out how either had put the costumes together, the movements were so smooth they looked practically natural. I hope they get into whatever film studio or props company they want, the prosthetics were definitely movie quality.

Anyway, they came bursting out of the woods, making growling sounds, but they both stopped abruptly when they saw the probably-ridiculous sight of nine twenty-somethings sitting in plastic circles on the grass. I expected them to start laughing, but they were really deep in character.

They kinda circled around us for a moment, sniffing the air. I wanted to comment on their costumes, but everything seemed super serious all of a sudden. Then one of them spoke.

“Have they trapped you, weaver? Do you take salt chains over calm oblivion? Do you think they can hold you against the hunt?”

Their voice was kinda deep and raspy, oddly resonant in the chill night air, like I was only hearing part of it. This was obviously part of some scene, but I dunno. Spider-girl was curled into a ball, shaking, and I felt these guys were taking it too far.

There were a couple moments of tense silence, then Lark spoke up.

“Our bargain is with her, not with you. Leave, or wait out the dark. We aren’t moving.”

The four-armed one literally hissed at that, raising up this ragged crest along their back and flexing all four of their clawed hands.

“If you take her, human, then you take her debts. How certain are you, that you believe yourself capable of filling them? Do you think her gifts worth the cost of her entrapment?”

I still couldn’t tell how the rig was working, there wasn’t much space in their costume for complex pneumatics or anything, which was kinda annoyingly obscure. Was it just puppetry? How the fuck did they get the arms to DO that? And the tall one’s mask, were those articulated eyelids AND ears?

“She is ours, human, hunted and caught. You mettle in affairs of what you know not.”

The big one was circling faster now, striding long-limbed on those stilts. They sounded ominous, but I saw a loophole there, so I spoke up.

“You obviously didn’t catch her? She escaped long enough to find us, and if I understand the setting of your game well enough, we count as scenery or props, not players on the same level as you. So it sounds like she got away on her own and found a hiding place she can wait out the sun, which means you lost and she’s free. Go bug someone else.”

They both roared at that, making charging motions towards us, but thy kept pulling up short about two feet away from the hoola hoops. I’m not gonna lie, it was super intimidating, but they didn’t seem like they were going to get any closer? After like five minutes of this, the tall one broke and ran into the trees and the four-armed one followed, both shrieking.

We stayed in the hoola hoops after that. I would have liked to go back to the dorms, but any time any of us moved Lark started shrieking at us to stay still because it was “dangerous” or whatever. Cuttlefish turned the music back on and we ended up playing a trivia game someone had on their phone. It was super uncomfortable but it could have been worse, especially since I was still pretty drunk, so it was all a kinda pleasant foggyness. I must have dozed off at some point because next thing I knew it was a bit brighter and spider-girl was standing over me.

Her makeup was even better in the twilight, extra eyes and weirdly-textured skin and everything.

“If you are, as you said, merely scenery in which I have found my own escape, then I owe you nothing.”

She looked around at all of us, then at Lark, who was getting up with a murderous expression, then back to me. Up close, I could see my reflection in her eyes, including the six fake ones. They looked intimately real.

“Your words unwind me altogether, even from your would-be friend,” she whispered, just to me, “and I owe you, gift for gift.”

Then, suddenly, she was gone. I saw her bolt to the rope course and up one of the support ropes, much further up than I’d noticed it went, until she disappeared into the treetops. It was impressive.

Lark yelled at me a bit, something something she could have made us all rich? I don’t know, I don’t understand the larp setting well enough to understand the context. And then I went back to my dorm and collapsed into bed. I only got three hours of sleep before I had to get up and take my exam, but I did pretty well on it anyway, got a solid 83%.

Couple days later I heard a sound at the window, and when I went to investigate I found a bundle of fabric on the sill. Unwrapping it, i found a hooded knee-length asymmetrical vest thingy with this really cool greyscale-geometric pattern on it, made from the same flowing material as spider-girl’s robe. It fits perfectly. Mysty made a bit of a fuss when she saw it, but calmed down a bit when I told her the context. I’ve been wearing it ever since, it looks really good over jeans.

Anyway, yeah. Probably the weirdest story I have, though there are some solid contenders, actually....College, you know. Stuff happens.

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21751201 (wrote this back in December, forgot to submit it)

[scottymcgeesterwrites]

Final Fantasy VII Remake Review

Year: 2020

Platform: PS4

I finished this game shortly after posting all my main single-player series Final Fantasy reviews. I was still digesting it and thinking about it to put together my review.

Synopsis:

The Shinra Electric Power Company rules over the city of Midgar, and the eco-terrorists AVALANCHE stop at nothing to try and prevent the life essence of the planet from being used as energy. Barrett, leader of AVALANCHE, hires a mercenary named Cloud Strife for their bombing mission on a Shinra Mako Reactor. Cloud doesn’t care much for the greater cause and only wants his pay. But then, after a mission goes awry, he meets Aerith, a flower girl who is the descendant of the Ancients. He quickly finds himself wrapped up in the greater conflict against Shinra.

Gameplay:

Final Fanatasy VII Remake has one of the best gameplay styles of any Final Fantasy game. It’s that good. It seems like after all these years, this is what Square really wanted to do. Since this was released after Final Fantasy XV, it’s pretty much the successor to its gameplay. While Final Fantasy XV has you more or less spamming the attack button with occasional spell casting and item usage, Final Fantasy VII Remake has you much more involved with the Materia system, abilities, and guarding/evading. One notable example is that Final Fantasy XV always told you when you should guard in order to counter, but Final Fantasy VII Remake has you figure that out on your own.

The abilities are so goddamn flashy and cool during gameplay. Tifa’s moves are quite possibly the most awe-inspiring.

My only complaint is locking onto the enemy during battle. You have to press down on R3 to lock onto an enemy, and I sometimes found that jarring with the camera controls. Sometimes I accidentally disengaged from an enemy and missed an attack. Since your moves are dependent on an Active Time Battle system, you can waste a turn if you get hit while conjuring a spell or taking out an item. That sometimes made me go “REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”. But in the long run, those were very small gripes. The battles are so much fun.

Since the game follows only the Midgar portion of the story, it’s linear. But you reach sections where you are free to roam around and do sidequests before continuing with the main objective. I’m sure the later releases of the remake will feel much less constrained. But this remake does a good job at expanding upon Midgar without feeling too redundant.

Graphics:

Jesus Christ. This game is gorgeous.

Both in-game graphics and pre-rendered cutscenes. The switch between a pre-rendered cutscene and in-game cutscene has become much more seamless than ever before.

If you remember my Final Fantasy XV review, I mentioned how NPCs and other in-game animations seemed stiff and stilted. Final Fantasy VII Remake takes steps to remedy that. Characters have more fluid movements and everyone’s lips move a lot more. However, lip movements can come off as awkward. My friend was watching me play, and during one in-game cutscene they said “Something looks weird with their lips.” At times, lip movements seem too dynamic when the character is standing relatively still, which comes off looking like Mr. Ed the horse trying to talk.

Despite those small awkward things, the rest of the game is extremely polished. Remember how blocky Final Fantasy VII was? We now finally see these characters and the world of Midgar brought to life in beautiful HD graphics.Like holy shit. Everyone looks so beautiful.

Before I played this game, I was a Tifa stan, but now, ho man, they made Aerith so much more appealing.

SO.

MUCH.

MORE.

APPEALING.

And Tifa shines better than ever. I’m very tempted to just gush about her but here is just a couple enticing gifs.

Imagine playing this game and still thinking gamers are oppressed.

Story:

Final Fantasy VII Remake follows from the start of the original game up until the party leaving Midgar. Square plans to release the rest of the remake later.

I have to say, they made the story a lot more engaging than the original. That may seem like blasphemy, but the dialogue and voice acting was just so damn good. Some of my favorite moments included the banter between Aerith and Cloud. Like I said, I wasn’t into Aerith that much until I played the remake. She’s just so damn cute and charming. One of my favorite parts was when she said, “Shit” and almost fell, after mentioning how she didn’t need help climbing a ladder. Her voice is so lovely and amusing to listen to. The growing romance between her and Cloud doesn’t come off as forced or cringey, because we now spend so much time with Aerith.

Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie have much more important roles in the story. This gives us a greater sense of Avalanche as a ragtag group.

Entire chapters focus on them, especially Jessie. I cringed a bit at Jessie to be honest, despite her popularity. She now comes off as a copy of Aerith in the sense that she comes on strong to Cloud. But really strong. Like “I want that D right now” strong. Cloud has officially become your usual anime boy who is good at everything that can make any woman magically fall in love with him. So that whole thing made me roll my eyes.

There are some new characters inserted, such as the SOLDIER Roche. I thought they were going to do more with him but, apparently not. The new characters can be a bit “meh”, such as Chadley. Johnny isn’t a new character but may as well be since his role is so expanded. He was probably the most annoying, constantly calling Cloud “bro”. That gave me some bad flashbacks of Prompto’s modern-speak in Final Fantasy XV.

The remake adds a certain new plot element that you’re not sure at first where it’s going until it’s revealed at the very end. The ending can be a bit out there, as the original storyline is changed significantly. SIGNIFICANTLY I was curious if this game would make sense to first-timers, but, probably not when you reach the end. The ending heavily relies on you knowing the original game.

My only complaint about the story was how they started the motorcycle chase cutscene. That was my favorite cutscene of the original game, with Cloud driving down the stairs and the group getting into the car. I liken it to the barrel scene in the original Hobbit novel. But like the Hobbit movie, they made the motorcycle scene pretty outrageous. Like so over-the-top that my initial reaction was to scoff at it. It also struck me as awkward, because there were many moments when the bad guys could have shot them but just. . .stood there watching Cloud kick their asses.

Some people may be upset by how the remake ended, while others find it cool. I thought it was cool. But at the same time, now I want an official “remastered” Final Fantasy VII too. Just a game strictly like the original but with vastly improved graphics.

Music:

The music was pure eargasm. There were many moments when I fanboyed screaming “THIS IS THE SONG! YESSS!” They remixed the songs so well, from the battle theme to the Shinra theme, and the Wall Market theme. Everything you loved about the original soundtrack but MORE gusto, more pomp and circumstance.

A couple complaints though.

1 – I think the focus on making the music more orchestrated takes away the mood of the original music. I missed some of the synth and electronic from the original game because it related well to the technological city of Midgar. The synth and electronic featured in the original game gave off a brooding, darker mood.

2 – I didn’t like what they did with the Crazy Motorcycle music.

Notable Theme:

It’s difficult to find pieces of the original soundtrack as of today, because Square is taking them down from YouTube. Still, some people have managed to keep up some of the coolest tracks from this game. Unfortunately, the videos have gameplay footage, which could be spoilers, technically.

I’ll just leave it as this:

The Jenova battle theme is a much longer piece in this game, but it pays off at the final quarter of the song.

Trust me.

Verdict:

The remake does the original justice. We waited so long for this game and it delivered, unlike Final Fantasy XV.

I don’t think a first-timer would really appreciate it though as much as a fan of the original game would. Sure, there’s nothing stopping you from just going into it without knowing the original game, but there are things that one wouldn’t understand unless you played the original game. In that sense, the word “remake” is a bit misleading. Maybe they’re “rebooting” the entire Compilation of Final Fantasy VII? It seems like they’re going for what they did with the newer Star Trek movies, if you catch my drift. But I can’t say for sure exactly where they’re going with it until the next game comes out, but it seems that way to me.

[gayregis]

Talk to me about Regis, please; headcanons, why/what you like about him, etc. I love him, but there's not a whole lot of (book-based) content about him (That's probably for the better actually, just look at what twn did to Dandelion; there's a bunch of content but it's all ooc or just straight up infantilizing him because uwu innocent baby - gosh I hope twn fandom don't get their hands on Regis)

this is such a great ask ;w;

committment to principles, breaking of tropes

let’s get the deep and emotional parts out of the way. i love regis for being a good person. “epitome of humanity” and all of this. i love how he was an incredibly cruel and violent man and has become a kind person and someone committed to helping others. i find this a very comforting fantasy to be close to and think about. i like how this process was not instantaneous, it took more than 50 years and a good amount of time after that... i love how sapkowski used the idea of an immortal/extremely long lifespan for an arc of redemption and becoming a better person. regis is only a vampire because sapkowski needed him to be able to survive death and reconsider his actions... for most people, death would be the finality... and i like how regis, when recounting his backstory, doesn’t ever make excuses for himself or dwell upon his behavior. he doesn’t speak of consuming guilt, he doesn’t make useless apologies. he has accepted the past and is not looking for attention when he says all of this, it’s merely for context. so he doesn’t seek validation from others, he has already validated himself because he knows that he has become a better person.

i love how regis is an inversion of the vampire tropes... not the ones that are like “vampires can’t touch sunlight/be around garlic/enter houses without invitation, etc.” but the ones that concern vampire origins and what being alive for hundreds of years does to a person’s mind. the “traditionally accepted vampire lore” would have some human losing their humanity over many years, becoming distant from human morality and ethics. regis is a complete inversion of this. instead of being a human who has lost their morality, he is a monster who has gained his morality. he made a committment to learn and understand, and how he sincerely works for good.

hinting and character reveal

i LOVE the buildup to his character reveal. from the moment the company meets him in a cemetery during the dark of night, it should be apparent that he is not what he seems. this added to the fact that they then meet peasants who were searching for a vampire in the very same cemetery, and regis somehow knows all of these accurate facts about vampires... it’s simply entertaining to read or listen to how it all unfolds. 

the dramatic reveal is brilliant. i love how it occurs in a scene where regis was doing absolutely nothing but healing dandelion. i love how only regis and geralt knew what this was about, so we received narration in milva’s point of view because milva is the most observant of the other three that were in the company, and she slowly noticed all of these little features about regis that she didn’t notice before... his eyes glowed in the low light with an eerie catlike quality, he didn’t cast a shadow...! it’s good writing because there was significant buildup behind it. we already thought we knew regis, we got all of these hints towards his true identity, and now he’s being revealed as just that, but slowly, slowly... sapkowski doesn’t have geralt immediately yell “HE’S A BLOODY VAMPIRE!” ... it’s a very drawn out conversation. i love how regis doesn’t react much when geralt rests the sword on the hollow of his neck. he says, “well, geralt, i’m all yours,” as if geralt was beckoning him to a conversation and not standing above him with a glistening sword in his hand. and then regis just smiles and challenges him to “go on, thrust it in!” ... just entirely casual and smug. it’s creepy and yet so funny!

and i love how everything about his character seems to make more sense once his backstory is revealed. especially the part where he says he never drinks, not even a sip... after you read the part where he describes his backstory, you realize that this is a nice nod to what is revealed later on.

ability to challenge geralt

i’ll segway the last point into this one: i love how regis is just a straight up bitch to geralt in baptism of fire after he is revealed. during the reveal scene he starts mocking geralt, asking him if he’s going to let him get away, asking him how high he would value a contract on him. geralt tells him to never come back TWICE, and TWICE he returns. he appears to geralt, sits down right next to him, begins to deliver him a great monologue of advice. geralt tells him to fuck off, he just sighs “as you wish,” and continues to give advice.

regis acts on his OWN terms. geralt does not control the speed at which lobsters die vampire. regis acts like a c*nt because he simply can because he knows that geralt can’t fight him on it. what’s he going to to, kill him? ha!

regis came in at exactly the right time. dandelion is geralt’s best friend, but this means that dandelion knows geralt and knows what he’s like, and geralt knows what dandelion’s like. geralt sees dandelion’s unwavering loyalty to him as dangerous, because he doesn’t want to lose dandelion, so he blocks out whatever dandelion says about “i want to go with you, i need to go with you.” geralt knows that dandelion’s only saying this because they have such a deep relationship, and isn’t willing to risk that relationship when he thinks that it doesn’t need to be risked (i.e., that he can handle this without anyone else’s help). milva doesn’t have this long friendship with geralt, but she is his friend, and she’s known him for a few months. she knows that geralt is acting stupidly, and tells him this to his face. but geralt can sense that because she’s also his friend and because she is acting out of some sense of penance, he can’t accept her company, either. geralt is able to push both dandelion and milva away, because he can. he can tell them he doesn’t want to be bothered, he wants to be alone. 

enter regis, who simply will just not take “go away” for an answer. regis has been compared to other sages and philosophers in and out of the text, but i think this is very socrates of him. he’s the gadfly to geralt’s sluggish horse. he is able to rouse him simply by annoying the ever loving shit out of him, returning when geralt has told him to leave, giving advice when geralt has told him to shut up. and it’s for good reason, regis doesn’t do this to harm geralt, but to help him. and because he’s regis, he literally has all of the time in the world and the power to be able to annoy geralt like this. he can’t be swayed by stern petulance because it just is like nothing to him, water off of a duck’s back. he has this unbearable attitude of knowing that he’s right. this doesn’t make regis a perfect character - far from it, i would say that this is one of his biggest flaws in fact - but in this situation, it works.

optimism, kindness, healer class

i thoroughly enjoy how the immortal member of the company that has lived for over 4 centuries is such an optimist in everything he does. “it is simply a matter of positive thinking” and all of this nonsense... he’s very content and cheerful all of the time. i made a post counting every time regis is mentioned to be smiling... and it’s a lot. he is also always mentioned to be spekaing softly, calmly, gently... he has a very gentle nature!

regis is a very placating force in the company, he tries to resolve arguments between different parties (milva and the peasants who wanted her horse, milva and angouleme at the kitchen table). he assumes there’s always a good resolution that can be reached.

and the fact that he’s a healer ties it all together. i love how sapkowski actually describes everyone’s profession with detail and length, it makes the fantasy medievalesque setting more immersive, since one’s profession is extremely significant to one’s whole character in a setting like this. regis gets that short monologue about how dandelion is lucky to have gotten this head wound and not an abdominal wound, what with the liver, guts, feces mangled and spilling out... peritonitis... regis actually being described as healing people makes it feel like his character is useful and is actually a surgeon (unlike in the games where he doesn’t ever heal anyone). 

he sincerely cares about the human condition and expresses regret and pain when he cannot do anything to cure someone, even though he can sense their sickness. he describes this as literally being “a curse,” that demonstrates how difficult it is for him, and it’s only difficult for him because he cares.

blending in with human society and the quirks that come with it

i love the precautions regis has to take to continue blending in with human society. he smiles with pursed lips as to not show his fangs, but when he is with friends he ends up smiling fully. he has to continue to mask his presence with the blend of herbs. he has to avoid mirrors, dogs, and sorcerer/esses. horses dislike him even with the herbs he carries, and fulko artevelde mentions that “horses and dogs brisk at [the] company’s approach.” these small details are fun and keep reminding the audience that it’s not simple to blend in with human society, and there always IS something off about regis. hell, just shine a bright lamp on all of the company together, and you’ll see that their barber-surgeon doesn’t cast a shadow. the probably reason that they didn’t notice he didn’t cast a shadow was because of how overcast it is around that area of brugge. when they get into beauclair, i headcanon that regis doesn’t tend to walk on the sunny side of the street because of wanting to hide the fact that he won’t cast a shadow. 

there’s a lot of different conditions that are necessary to consider in relevance of keeping his identity hidden, and regis does a pretty good job at navigating all of them. i appreciate that these details were written in because it makes it more realistic... even though sapkowski broke multiple vampire tropes with regis, so you know, he won’t burn in sunlight or have adverse reactions to garlic, but there’s still all of these odd ends that he needs to take care of. it makes him seem a lot less overpowered, because it continouslly reminds the audience that he doesn’t blend in perfectly.

“benevolent ominousness”

regis has a very fun supernatural presence, and he only ever uses his powers for good.

things like saving the girl from the refugee camp by sticking his hand into flames and holding a white-hot horseshoe with absolutely no hesitation... saving geralt and dandelion by materializing out of shadow... also appearing out of nowhere to milva and cahir in the forest and milva trying to choke out a grateful sob at his presence... saving ciri at castle stygga by absolutely wrecking the entire lab, with blue flames dancing on the countertops, and then turning around in that chair and saying “don’t be afraid.”

it’s things like this that i have dubbed “benevolent ominousness” - these demonstrations of power would be extremely unsettling, if you didn’t know him and know that he was there to protect you. the embodiment of “you may rest now, there are monsters nearby.”

humor and lighthearted nature despite dark themes, great lines

this isn’t the same humor that sapkowski uses elsewhere... it’s mostly funny due to the line delivery and context. some regis dialogue is just funny, especially when peter kenny voice acts them. 

things like regis telling geralt his travel plan is very well-concealed after dandelion gets done telling him everything about it (”and ingeniously concealed, no one would ever suspect the direction of your journey”), regis lifting the horseshoe from the fire and then challenging the priest to perform an exorcism on him, regis appearing to geralt and sitting next to him and during his monologue he’s mocking him and saying “it should be your exclusive right,” geralt saying “shut up, vampire!” during the fish soup scene when regis begins to give him unsolicited advice again. regis’s entire backstory being a blatant metaphor for alcoholism and the equivalencies to human culture (”driving while drunk” = “flying while drunk”), though macabre, are hilarious. regis telling angouleme "i’m not your uncle, dear child,” and she replies, “and i’m not your dear child, uncle!” WHILE ALSO riding on his mule as well. even to the very end, all of his lines and presence at stygga were brilliant. like “i feel such strength inside me, i could probably lay waste to this entire castle,” as he loses it. “beware? i didn’t come here to beware!” as he just charges vilgefortz absolutely unhinged.

honorable mentions

his liking of philosophy and sociology and discussions about all of this

you could argue that regis talks a lot because he probably doesn’t feel how long he’s been talking for. if half a century is “the blink of an eye,” then what’s 10 minutes of monologue?

all of the vampire powers are very cool and come on. i could have literally answered this ask with one word and that word would have been “bat.” he’s a fucking giant bat. that’s epic as hell

fun and tragic potential for his backstory.

meme potential in the fact that he is modest and calm by default. can you imagine regis saying “bitch” ??? or burstin out enthusiastically in song lyrics?? it cracks me up to think about him being out of character for a split second, just for humorous effect.

also yeah if twn and/or its fandom gets their hands on regis i wont know whether to laugh or cry

[missfangirll]

Unlikely

Summary: A lazy Saturday morning with breakfast, talk and kisses.

Relationship: Da Qing / Ye Zun

Tags: Fluff, Kissing, Friend to Lovers, No Plot/Plotless    

Words: 2013

Loose continuation of New Year’s Morning

Read on AO3

Da Qing, in human form, sat on his favourite counter in the tiny apartment kitchen, a coffee mug beside him, and let his legs dangle. He felt reasonably awake for a Saturday morning, lazily eyeing the sunbeams that the swirling dust made visible. He was as content as a cat could be before breakfast, and turned his gaze to the one preparing it.

Ye Zun rummaged through the cramped kitchen, wielding spatulas and knives with his usual precise grace. A sight that collided slightly with the ratty sweatpants he wore – that Da Qing could have sworn had once been Zhao Yunlan’s –, an equally ratty t-shirt and no socks. He had bound his silvery hair into a ponytail that fell softly over his back. It had taken all of Shen Wei’s and Da Qing’s combined efforts to convince him not to dye it and cut it all off, but he had insisted on shortening it to a “manageable length”. Da Qing found he looked like an elven prince from one of those fantasy movies Xiao Guo was so obsessed with, but he would rather bite his own tongue off than tell him that.

Ye Zun had come a long way from that insane, power-hungry, scheming creature he had made his first appearance as. After that last confrontation with Zhao Yunlan and Shen Wei in the Dixing palace, he had changed so drastically Da Qing sometimes still had trouble grasping the whole extent of it. Seeing your brother sacrifice himself for the sake of the world; seeing him actually die because you felt hurt and lashed out, eventually bringing him back to life with an immeasurable power some strange artifacts gave you, before draining all energy of you and leaving you an empty shell – that would transform any person for good. It had taken him a while to find himself again after all this. He still was snarky and sarcastic and quite impulsive, but under all that bravado hid a very kind and extraordinarily intelligent character Da Qing had come to like.

Their first encounters had been extremely awkward, though. They didn’t have any safe conversation topics and Ye Zun had demonstrated a serious lack of hobbies other than world domination. It had taken a while – and a ton of Zhao Yunlan’s old video games – to find some common ground. (He still sucked at Mario Kart, but now he at least took a loss in stride.)

Ye Zun muttered a curse and Da Qing resurfaced from his thoughts. “Hm?”

“I said we’re out of sesame oil. Need to put it on the list.”

“You do that,” Da Qing grinned toothily at him. Ye Zun shot him a dark look, but said nothing. He continued his preparations in silence and Da Qing found himself watching again. He liked watching people, period, they never ceased to entertain him, but he especially liked watching them when they made food. He had watched Shen Wei often; first at a campfire ten thousand years ago, meticulously preparing whatever prey had been brought in by the Alliance’s hunters, then in this very kitchen, moving around silently as to not wake Zhao Yunlan. He still watched Shen Wei occasionally, when he stayed at the new apartment, where he had a room as well, but somehow this old place still felt more like home, even without Zhao Yunlan in it. Their living arrangements had required only a very short discussion, since his boss and his boyfriend were eager to move to a bigger place, and Ye Zun needed somewhere to stay anyway, other than the SID where he was driving Zhu Hong up the walls. So they just had moved Zhao Yunlan’s most important stuff to the new place and left the rest untouched. (To Da Qing’s immense joy the things Zhao Yunlan had so generously left had included his video games and his porn collection.)

He had half expected to move with Zhao Yunlan, he was his master after all, but he found himself more often here than there. He didn’t mind Ye Zun’s company, he was easy to be with. He didn’t talk much, but when he did, he revealed an analytical and reflective mind one would not have expected from someone who had spent the last millennia in a pillar. Some rainy days they played video games together or watched movies, or just sat in silence in each other’s company. On rare occasions Ye Zun could even be convinced to watch sports with him, albeit under protest and only when adequately bribed with hot dogs.

He liked this easy life, Da Qing mused, to choose freely where to stay and what to do. He still had his work at the SID, of course, but the cases were not that dramatic anymore. Zhao Yunlan had pulled a lot of strings, thrown his weight around, and probably also threatened a few people, but finally the minister had grudgingly accepted Ye Zun as their newest consultant. This new job came with a few liabilities, but in the end, he had more time to himself than he ever had before. If he, Da Qing, himself found that kind of freedom enticing, how gratifying must it feel for Ye Zun who had spent almost his whole life being enslaved to one master or another?

Da Qing let his eyes wander over the other man who was still gracefully moving around the kitchen, when Ye Zun looked up. “What?”

“Nothing? I just… Nothing.”

Again, Ye Zun just raised one of his dark eyebrows, but stayed silent. Another thing he liked, Da Qing realised, that he thought he only had with Zhao Yunlan. Not having to explain himself, just quietly existing alongside the other – that was incredibly calming.

“Breakfast is done,” Ye Zun announced after a while, unceremoniously pushing a bowl at Da Qing and taking his own to the bar where he plopped down on a stool. Da Qing followed and sat opposite him. They ate in silence, content with the lazy warm atmosphere and the delicious food.

After emptying his bowl, Da Qing pushed it to the side and stretched luxuriously. He yawned and ended it with a toothy grin in Ye Zun’s direction, who just shook his head smiling. “You really are a cat.”

Da Qing raised an eyebrow. “Uh, yeah? Quite literally.”

“Very funny. I know that, but…”

When he trailed off, Da Qing prompted, “But..?”

“But I’ve never known a Yashou. Like, personally. It’s just… It’s new.” He swallowed. “In the Rebel army there were a few, mostly crows, but they weren’t...well-liked. Or really accepted. And later…” He trailed off again, wincing slightly, and this time Da Qing didn’t try to get him to continue. Some memories were better left alone.

They fell silent again, both in their own thoughts. Da Qing absent-mindedly stirred his coffee. “How was it?” he asked after a while.

“What?”

“The war. Life in the Rebel camp. I mean,” he added, “I was in that war as well, just..”

“Just on the right side, you mean?” Ye Zun apparently tried for sarcastic, but didn’t sound very convincing.

“It didn’t feel like it,” Da Qing said softly, “It just felt cold, most of the time.”

Ye Zun looked down into his own mug. “It was. I mean, I was cold too. And hungry, and generally quite miserable.” He exhaled slowly. “The situation did improve slightly when I took command, but I had just lost my brother, well, I thought I had, and was so brainwashed that I didn’t care about anything else.” He shrugged, visibly uneasy. “It wasn’t a good time.”

“No,” Da Qing agreed with a soft smile, “it wasn’t. But it’s over. All of it.”

Ye Zun’s eyes met his. “Yeah,” he exhaled, “It’s over. And we lived.”

“We lived.” Da Qing grinned at him. Ye Zun flashed him a tiny smile and stood up. “I cooked, you clean,” he declared and marched to the sofa after refilling his coffee mug. Da Qing huffed indignantly, but collected the dishes and placed them into the sink. “Later”, he said and stuck his tongue out at Ye Zun. Grabbing his own mug, he sauntered over to the sofa and plopped down next to Ye Zun who was already on his phone. Da Qing curled up into the pillows and closed his eyes, starting to purr contentedly.

“Pretty unlikely,” Ye Zun said after a while.

Da Qing needed a moment to recalibrate. “What is?”

“Us. We are. I mean, it’s...” He gestured vaguely at himself and Da Qing and the world in general. “We both were born more than ten thousand years ago. We have seen famine, plague and death, we have been beaten, wounded, hurt, almost killed. We survived a fucking war and lived until another one. And survived that too... I mean, what are the odds of us meeting?” He turned to look at Da Qing. “We weren’t even on the same side in that damn war. In either war. What are the odds of this?”

Da Qing chuckled. “That we met, became friends and are now sitting on a sofa together?” Ye Zun’s face became unreadable and Da Qing tensed slightly. “Right?”

“Yes,” he said frostily, “that we are friends.”

“What—hey?” Da Qing almost rolled over Ye Zun to keep him from getting up. “What’s going on? Aren’t we friends?”

“I don’t know what we are, Da Qing,” Ye Zun snapped. “I thought--” He broke off and inhaled shakily. “Well, obviously I thought wrong.” He tried again to stand up, but was so firmly pinned under the cat that he sunk back into the sofa, only able to glare at him, looking angry, hurt, and very vulnerable.

Da Qing looked at him for a long time. Then, slowly, he reached up and carefully brushed an errant strand of silvery hair behind Ye Zun’s ear. He traced the shell with a finger, down to the earlobe, then continued further along his jaw, finally cupping his cheek. He tracked Ye Zun’s bottom lip with his thumb, lingering there for a moment.

“You are an idiot,” he declared softly.

Without waiting for an answer he leaned in, meeting the other’s lips, his eyes closing, hot lips moving against his own. Carefully, he darted out his tongue and licked Ye Zun’s bottom lip. That earned him a sigh, he felt the other melting against him, sinking into the kiss. He brushed his tongue again over Ye Zun’s lips and felt sparks surge through his whole body when they opened for him. He let his tongue dart out and they met each other fervently, more urgent than before. He felt nothing of Ye Zun’s usual caution, only heat and an intensity that matched his own. When they broke the kiss, they were both panting, breathing each other’s air, not wanting to part for a second. Opening his eyes, he found obsidian darkness staring back at him, fathomless, mesmerizing, and so utterly beautiful he forgot how to breathe. One hand still on Ye Zun’s cheek, he traced his thumb over a dark eyebrow, breathless, speechless, and desperate to kiss him more. Hot lips met his and he felt those sparks again, a rising heat in his core growing into a wildfire, an answering inferno in Ye Zun, burning and flooding him at the same time. He bit Ye Zun’s bottom lip, licking over the spot, sucking it. A hand came up to his nape, tangling in his short hair and holding him in place, as Ye Zun leaned fully back and tugged, pulling the cat over him, not letting go for a second. When they had to part again to breathe, he felt slightly dizzy. He looked again in Ye Zun’s dark eyes and saw his smile reflected in them. As their breathing slowed, he caressed his cheek, a tiny grin on his lips. “You know, I still think you’re an idiot.”

Ye Zun placed a tender kiss on his lips and laughed. “If you add 'But you're my idiot', I’m going to hit you.”

[aion-rsa]

Final Fantasy’s Multiverse Fan Theory Will Change How You Look at the Franchise

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Many beloved video game franchises try to maintain a semblance of continuity and worldbuilding. Usually, those attempts consist of linear a-to-b narratives across sequels, but there are times when the connections between games in a franchise can be a bit perplexing. For instance, each Legend of Zelda game seems insular at first, but they actually take place in a shared world and timelines. The timeline barely makes sense, but it’s there. Final Fantasy, meanwhile, seemingly reinvents its wheel with each entry. Every title takes place in its own world with its own history and lore that is, on paper, completely separate from the rest of the series.

If you scour Reddit and other internet forums, though, you may eventually find theories that claim the Final Fantasy franchise utilizes one big, interconnected multiverse. A popular variation of that belief purports that Final Fantasy XIV sits in the center of that universe or that other titles sprung from that game’s world.

In fact, many players who have extensively explored Hydaelyn and the other worlds of Final Fantasy (not to be confused with World of Final Fantasy) eventually reach the same conclusion: Final Fantasy exists in some kind of multiverse. Do those claims and theories have any merit, though, or are audiences letting their apophenia take them for a joyride? Let’s try to find out together.

Final Fantasy’s Familiar Faces

We might as well get the most obvious evidence for a shared multiverse out of the way first. If you’ve played more than one Final Fantasy game, you probably know the series has a lot of recurring elements (such as Chocobos, Behemoths, and engineers named Cid). However, some common elements go deeper than shared names. Sure, every now and then unrelated characters will sport the same moniker for the sake of references and callbacks (such as Zeromus from Final Fantasy IV and Zeromus from Final Fantasy XII) but some recurring faces who only seem like they exist for the sake of tradition actually help tie the games together.

The first recurring character we have to talk about is everyone’s favorite pillar of buffoonery, Gilgamesh. In virtually every entry, he is portrayed as a bumbling wanderer who seeks power through collecting weapons. Moreover, most Gilgamesh incarnations sport the same red hood, kabuki face paint (sometimes a mask), and awesome battle theme that transcends music genres, but that isn’t because Square Enix is lazy. The majority of Gilgameshes tend to appear and/or disappear into an Interdimensional Rift (more on that later). That implies they’re the same character in an unending, world-hopping obsession for new weapons.

Indeed, after Gilgamesh is beaten in Final Fantasy IV: The After Years, he cries out the name of Final Fantasy V’s protagonist, Bartz. In Dissidia 012 Final Fantasy, Gilgamesh claims to have dueled “strange opponents” countless times. If that’s not enough for you, consider that in later entries, Gilgamesh wields replicas of weapons from past Final Fantasy games. Gilgamesh doesn’t just talk about the Final Fantasy multiverse; he almost literally beats players over the head with it. However, Gilgamesh isn’t the franchise’s only cross-dimensional tourist.

Whenever you finish a Final Fantasy story and beat the final boss, each game offers additional challenges in the form of “superbosses.” One of the franchise’s most consistent superbosses is the quadrupedal robot known simply as Omega. Throughout its various Final Fantasy appearances, Omega’s physical appearance is portrayed with a startling amount of consistency. However, the robot’s true nature is a bit more up in the air. As some fans have discovered Omega has two possible incarnations: shards left behind to collect data and demi-knockoffs created by local geniuses who drew inspiration from the original Omega. Either way, Omega is a dimension-hopping robot whose sole purpose is to defeat its arch-nemesis, Shinryu. According to lore provided by games such as Final Fantasy XIV and Dissidia Final Fantasy, every Shinryu that players face is also actually a minor fragment deposited to help the original grow stronger.

It’s certainly harder to argue against a multiverse when you have three recurring characters that practically rely on it for their motivations and design.

Dissidia Final Fantasy Wouldn’t Exist Without a Multiverse

When Nintendo set the world on fire with the Super Smash Bros. franchise, other companies started making their own mascot fighter game that they hoped would print money. Square Enix’s Dissidia Final Fantasy set itself apart with a vastly different combat system. However, Dissidia’s bigger claim to fame is its story, which breaks from mascot fighter tradition by leaning on and expanding its source material’s canon (especially the parts that concern the multiverse).

Since Dissidia is a spin-off, you’d probably assume it exists outside of the Final Fantasy canon with character facsimiles standing in for the original protagonists. After all, that tends to be the industry standard (Nintendo’s Shigeru Miyamoto once confirmed that Super Smash Bros.‘s characters are actually toys). However, Dissidia’s fighters are surprisingly the real deal. That’s because, according to the narrative, the real Final Fantasy characters have been summoned from their own worlds to fight on behalf of the gods in Dissidia’s World B. Every Dissidia game starts off with this statement, and, in fantasy properties, disparate worlds usually imply a multiverse. Since there are three Dissidia games (four if you count the mobile entry), the entire franchise is arguably one big multiverse confirmation. 

Moreover, Dissidia goes several steps further since World B is a near-geographic replica of the first Final Fantasy’s setting, World A (albeit dotted with arenas ripped from the fragmented memories of its characters without rhyme or reason). For instance, one of the battlegrounds in World B is a blasted moonscape. Why is a location like that on a planet with an atmosphere? Well, it’s because it was pulled from the memories of Cecil Harvey: a character who traveled to the moon in Final Fantasy IV. Without a multiverse, there would have been no memories to pull from.

Now, since characters die left, right, and center in Dissidia, you might wonder how the series canonically fits into the Final Fantasy franchise without shattering the space-time continuum. Well, time works differently in World B, and that plot point is used to insert new canon into older titles. Everyone is caught in an endless cycle of battles, death, resurrection, and amnesia. They barely remember where they came from or why they are fighting and just know that they need to fight. But, after what is implied to be countless cycles worth of combat, the first game’s ending explicitly states that the various heroes and villains return to their respective worlds. Everyone except for the Warrior of Light, that is. He was created on World B by Cid of the Lufaine (a character retroactively added to rereleases of the first Final Fantasy) and retconned into one of the World A’s heroes from the original Final Fantasy. From there, Dissidia Final Fantasy NT pulls them all back for one more round.

Without a Final Fantasy multiverse, Dissidia wouldn’t make a lot of sense and would certainly be a very different spin-off series from a narrative standpoint.

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Final Fantasy XIV and the Collaboration Connection

Now that we’ve established the general existence of a Final Fantasy multiverse (or the strong possibility of its existence), it’s time to address a particularly popular fan theory question: Is Final Fantasy XIV the root of the Final Fantasy multiverse?

It’s no secret Square Enix loves to stuff Final Fantasy XIV full of collaborative content. Players have gone on quests and collected equipment ripped out of properties such as Yo-Kai Watch and Garo. Square Enix also tends to collaborate with…well…itself and place the results in Final Fantasy XIV. For instance, Lightning and Noctis showed up for limited-time events in the game, but those instances hardly prove that the game sits in the middle of some kind of Final Fantasy nexus. After all, Lightning can don the iconic getups of characters such as Cloud, Yuna, and Lara Croft in Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII. Does that mean her tailor lives in the center of a Final Fantasy or Square Enix multiverse? Probably not since those crossover costumes are all optional DLC (and ultimately probably meant to advertise different Square-owned games). All Lightning and Noctis demonstrate in their Hydaelyn vacations is how the different Final Fantasy worlds are connected.

Lightning and Noctis visited Hydaelyn thanks to the Interdimensional Rift (the same one Gilgamesh, Omega, and Shinryu use to get around), and they aren’t the only characters who have taken an interdimensional tour. The Stormblood expansion introduced the Aetherial Rift: a raid dungeon hosted by a surprisingly friendly Omega (friendly in that he tests players before trying to stomp them out of existence). Thanks to Omega’s control over the Rift, gamers can square off against recreations of past Final Fantasy game bosses, including Chaos, Kekfa, Exdeath, and the Phantom Train. Again, you might assume these crossovers imply that Hydaelyn rests at the center of the multiverse. Instead, they most likely suggest that Omega either visited or used networked knowledge of different worlds to create these arenas, which lends credence to the theory that most Omegas seen throughout the franchise are either the same killbot or are linked in some way. Square Enix also apparently just loves to reference/advertise its older titles.

Now, some of you might ask, “What about Ivalice? Doesn’t Ivalice’s presence in Final Fantasy XIV prove the game is smack dab in the middle of the Final Fantasy multiverse?” Again, no. The Ivalice you’re thinking of is the world from Final Fantasy XII, while Ivalice in Final Fantasy XIV is just a kingdom. Confusingly, both Ivalices share certain elements, such as the Viera and Yiazmat, but those shared elements don’t necessarily demonstrate worlds colliding. Instead, they are likely indicative of design singularities you usually see in multiverses from other franchises (multiple Marvel universes have a Spider-Man/Woman, and multiple Final Fantasy universes have an Ivalice).

Final Thoughts on Final Fantasy‘s Multiverse

Considering the Interdimensional Rift and characters such as Gilgamesh and Omega, you really can’t argue against the likelihood of some kind of Final Fantasy multiverse. However, is Final Fantasy XIV really at the center of it all? Elements from different entries (as well as unrelated games, such as NieR:Automata and Monster Hunter: World) are certainly more likely to bleed into Hydaelyn, but does that make it the center of the multiverse? Signs point to no. Odds are Final Fantasy XIV’s above-average interdimensional crossover rate is merely a result of its MMORPG nature and good old-fashioned marketing.

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At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter which Final Fantasy world, if any, spawned the others. They all are clearly interconnected through countless narratives and world-building elements, so unless Square Enix reveals the identity of this fabled origin world, all we can do is speculate. Then again, if we knew which Final Fantasy universe spawned the others and exactly how the game’s multiverse elements work, that might suck some of the magic out of the series.

The post Final Fantasy’s Multiverse Fan Theory Will Change How You Look at the Franchise appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[d-criss-news]

Darren Criss acts as playwright when he writes songs. He’s far more confident, and certainly more vulnerable, when he allows himself to play the part. In such a way, songwriting opens up a whole new world that pulses with untapped potential. So much of what he has accomplished in 15 years resides in his willingness to expose himself to what his imagination and intuition have in store. He steps into a playwright’s shoes with considerable ease (just look at his resume), and always one to put on plenty of bravado, especially during our Zoom face-to-face, it’s the natural order of things.

“As I get older and write more and more songs, I really recognize that I’ve always preferred to write for another context other than my own,” Criss tells American Songwriter. He speaks with a cool intensity, gesturing emphatically to accentuate a sentence, and when you let him go, he’s like the Energizer Bunny 一 “I can tell by just how quiet you already are that you’re fucked,” he jokes at the start of our video chat. But he remains just as engaged and focused when listening.

He soaks in the world, taking astute notes about behavior and emotional traits he can later use in song. His storytelling, though, arrives already in character, fully formed portraits he can then relay to the world. It’s not that he can’t be vulnerable, like such greats as Randy Newman, Tom Waits, and Rufus Wainwright, who have all embroidered their work with deeply personal observations, it just doesn’t feel as comfortable. “I’ve always really admired the great songwriters of the world who are extremely introspective and can put their heart and soul on the chopping block,” he muses. “That’s a vulnerability that I think is so majestic. I’ve never had access to it. I’m not mad about it. It’s just good to know what your deal is.”

Criss’ strengths lie in his ability to braid his own experiences, as charmed as they might be, into wild, goofy fantasies. In the case of his new series “Royalties,” now streaming on Quibi, he walks a fine line between pointed commentary on the music industry, from menial songwriting sessions to constantly chasing down the next smash, and oddball comedy that is unequivocally fun. Plotted with long-standing friends and collaborators Matt and Nick Lang, co-founders of Team StarKid, created during their University of Michigan days (circa 2009), the show’s conceptual nucleus dates back more than a decade.

If “Royalties” (starring Criss and Kether Donohue) feels familiar, that’s because it is. The 10-episode show ─ boasting a smorgasbord of delightful guest stars, including Mark Hammill, Georgia King, Julianna Hough, Sabrina Carpenter, and Lil Rel Howery ─ captures the very essence of a little known web series called “Little White Lie.” Mid-summer 2009, Team StarKid uploaded the shoddy, low budget production onto YouTube, and its scrappy tale of amateur musicians seeking fame and fortune quickly found its audience, coming on the heels of “A Very Potter Musical,” co-written with and starring Criss. Little did the trio know, those initial endeavors laid the groundwork for a lifetime of creative genius.

“It’s a full circle moment,” says Criss, 33, zooming from his Los Angeles home, which he shares with his wife Mia. He’s fresh-faced and zestful in talking about the new project. 11 years separate the two series, but their connective thematic tissues remain striking. “Royalties” is far more polished, the obvious natural progression in so much time, and where “Little White Lie” soaked in soapy melodrama, the former analyzes the ins and outs of the music world through more thoughtful writing, better defined (and performed) characters, and hookier original tunes.

“Royalties” follows Sara (Donohue) and Pierce (Criss), two struggling songwriters in Los Angeles, through various career exploits and pursuits. The pilot, titled “Just That Good,” features an outlandish performance from Rufus Wainwright as a major player in dance-pop music, kickstarting the absurdity of Criss’ perfectly-heightened reality. As our two main characters stumble their way between songwriting sessions, finally uncovering hit single potential while eating a hot dog, Criss offers a glimpse into the oft-unappreciated art of songwriting.

In his own songwriting career ─ from 2010’s self-released Human EP and a deal with Columbia Records (with whom a project never materialized) to 2017’s Homework EP and Computer Games’ debut, Lost Boys Life, (a collaboration with his brother Chuck) ─ he’s learned a thing or two about the process. Something about sitting in a room with someone you’ve never met before always rang a little funny to him.

“You meet a stranger, and you have to be creative, vulnerable, and open. It’s speed-dating, essentially. It’s a different episode every time you pull it off or not. All the big songwriters will tell you all these crazy war stories. Everyone has a wacky story from songwriting,” he says. “I slowly realized I may ─ I can’t flatter myself, there are tons of creative people who are songwriters ─ have prerequisites to just put the two together [TV and music]. I’ve worked enough in television as an actor and creator. I can connect the dots. I had dual citizenship where I felt like it was really time for me to go forth with this show.”

But a packed professional life pushed the idea to the backburner.

Between six seasons of “Glee” (playing Blaine Anderson, a Warbler and lover to Chris Colfer’s Kurt Hummel), starring in “Hedwig and the Angry Inch” on Broadway, and creating Elsie Fest, a one-day outdoor festival celebrating songs of the stage and screen, he never had the time. “I was lucky enough to be busy,” he says. “As Team StarKid’s star was continuing to rise with me being separate from it, I was trying to think of a way to get involved again with songwriting.”

At one point, “Glee” had officially wrapped and his Broadway run was finished. It appeared “Royalties” may finally get its day in the sun. “I went to Chicago for a work pilgrimage with the Langs. We had a few days, and we put all our ideas on the map: every musical, feature film, show, graphic novel, and animated series we’ve ever thought of,” he says. “A lot of them were from the Langs; they were just things I was interested in as a producer or actor. We looked at all of them and made a top three.”

“Royalties” obviously made the cut.

Fast forward several years, Gail Berman’s SideCar, a production company under FOX Entertainment, was looking to produce a music show. Those early conversations, beginning at an otherwise random LA party, showed great promise in airlifting the concept from novel idea to discernible reality. Things quickly stalled, however, as they often do in Hollywood, but Criss had at least spoken his dreams into the universe.

“I finally had an outlet to put it into gear. It wasn’t until two to three years after that that things really locked in. We eventually made shorts and made a pilot presentation. We showed it to people, and it wasn’t until Quibi started making their presence known that making something seemed really appealing,” he says. “As a creator, they’re very creator-centric. They’re not a studio. They’re a platform. They are licensing IP much like when a label licenses an indie band’s album after the fact.”

Quibi has drawn severe ire over the last few months, perhaps because there is a “Wild Westness” to it, Criss says. “I think that makes some people nervous. Being my first foray into something of this kind, Quibi felt like a natural partner for us. If this had been a network or cable show, we would’ve molded it to be whatever it was.”

Format-wise, “Royalties” works best as bite-sized vignettes, charming hijinks through the boardroom and beyond, and serves as a direct response to a sea of music shows, from “Nashville” and “Empire” to “Smash.” “Those shows were bigger, more melodramatic looks at the inside base of our world. I’ve always been a goofball, and I just wanted to take the piss out of it,” he says. “This show isn’t about songwriting. It’s about songwriters… but a very wacky look at them.”

“30 Rock,” a scripted comedy loosely based around “Saturday Night Live,” in which the focus predominantly resides around the characters, rather than the business itself, was also on his mind. “It’s about the interconnectivity of the people and characters. As much of the insider knowledge that I wanted to put into our show, at the end of the day, you just want to make a fun, funny show that’s relatable to people who know nothing about songwriting and who shouldn’t have to know anything.”

Throughout 10 episodes, Criss culls the “musicality, fun, and humor” of Fountains of Wayne’s Adam Schlesinger and Max Martin, two of his biggest songwriting heroes, and covers as many genres as possible, from K-Pop to rap-caviar and classic country. While zip-lining between formats, the songs fully rely on a sturdy storytelling foundation ─ only then can Criss drape the music around the characters and their respective trajectories. “I wanted to do something where I could use all the muscles I like to flex at once, instead of compartmentalizing them,” he says. “I really love writing songs for a narrative, not necessarily for myself. I thrive a little more when I have parameters, characters, and a story to tell.”

Bonnie McKee, one of today’s greatest pop architects, takes centerstage, too, with an episode called “Kick Your Shoes Off,” in which she plays a bizarro version of herself. “She has her own story, and I’ve always been fascinated by it,” says Criss, who took her out to lunch one day to tell her about it. Initially, the singer-songwriter, known for penning hits for Katy Perry, Taio Cruz, and Britney Spears, would anchor the entire show, but it soon became apparent she would simply star in her own gloriously zany episode.

In one of the show’s standout scenes, Pierce and Sara sit in on a label meeting with McKee’s character and are tasked with writing a future hit. But they quickly learn how many cooks are in the kitchen at any given moment. Everyone from senior level executives to publicists and contracted consultants have an opinion about the artist’s music. One individual urges her to experiment, while another begs not to alienate her loyal fanbase, and then a third advises her to chronicle the entire history of music itself ─ all within three minutes or so. It’s absurd, and that’s the point. “Everyone’s been in that meeting, whether you’re in marketing or any creative discussion that has to be made on a corporate level by committee. It’s the inevitable, comedic contradictions and dissociations from not only rationality but feasibility.”

Criss also draws upon his own major label days, having signed with Sony/Columbia right off the set of “Glee,” as well as second-hand accounts from close friends. “There are so many artists, particularly young artists, who famously get chewed up and spat out by the label system,” he says. “There’s a lot of sour tastes in a lot of people’s mouths from being ‘mistreated’ by a label. I have a lot of friends who’ve had very unfortunate experiences.”

“I was really lucky. I didn’t have that. I have nothing but wonderful things to say,” he quickly adds.“It wasn’t a full-on drop or anything. I was acting, and I was spreading myself really thin. It’s a record label’s job to make product, and I was doing it piecemeal here and there. I would shoot a season [of ‘Glee’] and then do a play. I was doing too many things. I didn’t have it in me at the time to do music. I had written a few songs I thought were… fine.”

Both Criss and the label came to the same conclusion: perhaps this professional relationship just wasn’t a good fit. They parted ways, and he harbors no ill-will. In fact, he remains close friends with many folks from that time. So, it seems, a show like “Royalties” satisfies his deep hunger to make music and write songs ─ and do it totally on his own terms.

“I still say I want to put out music, and fans have been very vocal about that. I feel very fortunate they’re still interested at all,” he says. “That passion for making music really does come out in stuff like [this show].”

“Royalties” is Darren Criss at his most playful, daring, and offbeat. It’s the culmination of everything he has tirelessly worked toward over the last decade and a half. Under pressure with a limited filming schedule, he hits on all cylinders with a soundtrack, released on Republic Records, that sticks in the brain like all good pop music should do. And it would not have been the same had he, alongside Matt and Nick Lang, not formed Team StarKid 11 years ago.

Truth be told, it all began with a “Little White Lie.”

[rossodelgiorno]

2020/ Chain of Fools

2020 was the year I adopted a boiler suit and gas mask as a daily uniform. The world had gone into a global lockdown to combat the COVID19 virus which meant we were only allowed to leave our house for essential reasons such as grocery shopping and exercise. When outside, we were government mandated to wear face masks to prevent the spread of the disease. They made me feel like a muzzled dog and I resented no longer being able to smile with strangers on the street. Feeling like a prisoner in his own home and under extreme stress from job insecurity, my boyfriend Jake’s amphetamine addiction began to spiral out of control.

As a result of Jake’s addiction, we had accidentally befriended a posse of drug dealers and prostitutes- bonded by our love of having a good time and a general disregard for consequence. We met Dani through a call girl friend of mine who had realised the difficulty of making a living through writing online fashion content. Dani had big brown eyes, fat, botoxed lips and dressed only in high end labels like Gucci and Balmain. Born into a wealthy family, she had acquired a taste for expensive things but lacked the work ethic to maintain this taste without selling her body for sex. Dani began to visit more throughout the lockdown to deliver Jake drugs, hidden in a bag of a groceries. One night, she played Carole King on our old vinyl player, while Jake rolled us a joint to share. I flirted with them both, knowing that it would lead to a threesome. We smoked Jake’s joint, snorted lines of cocaine off each other and then took turns going down on each other.

A week later, Dani introduced us to a crew of “script kiddies”- long haired, internet hackers with a love of mumble rap, cryptocurrency and ketamine. I made cocktails for everyone and established that one of these kids shared a mutual friend with Jake. They seemed fascinated by the genuine sexual chemistry between myself, Jake and Dani and expressed gratitude for our generous hospitality. Eventually I came to the conclusion that by associating us with this crowd, Dani had managed to successfully pray on the vulnerable- trusting junkies like us who were lax with internet security and keen for a good time. In retrospect, I wish I had known that Dani was a hustler at heart- making money in any way she could without considering the impact of her choices. At the time however, I felt like we were fully living life in the moment- something I was certain would bring me happiness, meaning and didn’t question her motives for a moment.

Ella, Dani’s best friend, had a boyish pixie cut, high cheekbones and was tall and slim. She had gradually joined in on our shenanigans, along with Mark, a dealer with a steady supply of the best gear available north of the river. We all hung out together in our plant-filled, converted warehouse listening to electronic music and sharing stories about our favourite mind-altering substances. My stories were consistently focused on MDMA. As a notoriously private person, I’d discovered MDMA helped me open up and allowed me to dance, free of fear of judgement. It had also helped Jake open up about the sexual abuse he experienced as child, a fact I doubted would have ever come up without the influence of a truth serum and something which I was certain had driven him to substance abuse in the first place.

While we laughed, chatted and danced with Dani and Mark, Ella, who claimed to be a part time poet and part-time model, entered a viral script virus onto our wireless network by requesting our wifi password. Something we provided willingly, without second thought. This meant remote access to every digital device we owned and access to all stored personal information including scanned copies of our passports and birth certificates.

The issue with Mark, despite his criminal lifestyle, was that he was excellent company. Intelligent, engaging and a DJ in his spare time- we thrived off his love of hip hop and old-school funk. Similarly, he thrived off our property location in the Inner North- close to his regular customers and discrete enough from the prying eyes of authority. We welcomed him into our home with open arms, deprived of social contact through social distancing practices enforced by the pandemic. We held COVID19 illegal gatherings where we got high off Mark’s supply, enjoyed each other’s company while Ella hacked our electronic identities. When you’re lonely, it doesn’t really matter if others are using you and you’re using them. As long as everyone is filling a clearly defined role, the maladaptive social ecosystem continues to function.

It’s unclear exactly how many international drug smuggling routes were established using our stolen online identities before Jake clued on that something wasn’t right. He told me that he had been locked out of his email account, that the speed of his phone had slowed and that he could hear clicking noises during his phone calls. He was certain that his was a breach of online security and started to question the motives of our new friends. I wrote him off as crazy, blaming his excessive use of amphetamines and the psychological effect of social isolation. I was determined to keep my online identity public, obsessed by the idea of becoming the next millennial therapist and too blinded by Dani’s beauty to believe that she would want to harm us in any way.

Eventually Jake’s distress became too extreme to ignore and he shook me violently one night, yelling at me to believe what I had assumed was a paranoid conspiracy theory. A sinking feeling in my gut became apparent when he started to coherently piece together his concerns about his online security issues. I realized that my sense of reality had been clouded by my lust for Dani and by a dark depression that had developed through my work as an essential worker during a pandemic. Based on Jake’s erratic behaviour, I knew we had to get out of the warehouse immediately, but I had no idea where to go and was fearful of drawing attention to any law-breaking activity when police presence was so prominent.

We agreed to seek refuge with our friends Trish and Rick, former 90s British ravers who had channeled their drug-fuelled benders into successful and respectable careers. I called them panicked that night, shaking and rambling about what had happened. Without hesitancy, Trish told us to come over right away. Rick’s brother back in the UK had recently killed himself and they were struggling too. Trish and Rick lived in an affluent area in the inner East which meant we needed to blend in quickly through a disguise of expensive athleisure and an almost painful sense of normality. It appeared that our efforts at disguise were successful and it seemed to result in freedom from any unusual online activity on our devices. We bought new phones, changed our phone numbers, email addresses and disconnected from the outside world for an entire week. We spoke about going to the police, however we both agreed that this would place us at too much risk to the criminal world to be a viable option.

When your online identity is stolen, you quickly start to daydream what it would be like to steal someone else’s identity. For example, what exactly would you do with those proceeds of crime? Which tropical island would you escape to, what designer clothes would you wear, which car would you drive? I quickly became entranced and jealous at the thought of this fantasy life, but then spent time reflecting on my own morality and these feelings subsided. Instead, an intense anger developed at the thought of others taking advantage of Jake and his mental illness. High on a sense of ethical superiority and new found fury, I decided to employ my favourite psychological defense mechanism, repression, to cope with my latest traumas. May you rest in peace, memory, I said to myself before engaging in my daily mediation ritual.

While repressing my consciousness, I also began to focus on the importance of social support. I knew this shit was important but didn’t fully understand until Trish brushed my hair one night, my arms too frail from fear and stress to function. Trish and Rick played familiar Britpop, drank tea and encouraged us to embrace the therapeutic benefits of music through use of the guitar and keyboard that we had brought to their house. We took turns cooking for each other, played board games and counselled each other through each personal problems, one at a time.

Jake and I stayed with Trish and Rick for two weeks until we could establish an exit plan from the city. We migrated to rural Victoria like many other Melbournians, traumatized by the lockdown. The pace in the country was slow yet calming and people genuinely seemed to care about your welfare when they inquired “How you going, mate?” After such an extended period of social isolation, many of us forgot how to interact with others. We valued and craved human connection more than ever, and yet we seemed scared of what we might connect with. We continued to develop our own deformed version of sign language to communicate through the face masks and focused on re-developing social skills that had been lost through extended disconnection.

Jake and I continued to battle through the challenges of online identity theft and the consequences of his addiction issues. Jake’s substance use had subsided substantially without the influence of Mark and Dani and we eventually adjusted to living normal, routine driven lifestyles. He had cycled through periods of problematic use before, however I still felt somewhat shell shocked by the intensity of his most recent relapse. However, one day late in December I found myself wandering through the tranquility of the Otways, fully freed from the constraints of the lockdown which had finally lifted and contemplating my progress in life since leaving this place as a teenager. The rainforest sounds were vivid and the smells of the ocean salty in my nostrils. I wasn’t where I had planned to end the year 2020, but I was alive and I had Jake. And for that, I felt eternally grateful.

Rosso Del Giorno

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