#also the disability thing plays into it

[catididnt]

The thing is trying to pick between resting, and necessary chores, and what you want to do, and just being lazy (not the same as resting - sleep is not lazy).

I know I need more rest, yet if I give up more things I want then I will only do the necessary and the resting. I tried that and it was very empty. All the necessary is daily/weekly/immediate survival.

I can shuffle the necessary about and made it into patterns to be extra efficient, so there is time for what I want as well as resting, but there’s still no time for being lazy. For just being. I gotta be extra on top of it to get it all to fit, and it really only works when I’m feeling better than normal.

It gets hard to truly rest if you’re being efficient. You got to fit your tasks to your time, and then you’ve got to equate your exhaustion level into how long it’ll take. Your math will get confused.

I want to be lazy. I want to nap with the cats because the sun is warm. I want to dance badly and sing worse when my favorite song comes on without stopping to get back to work after the first chorus. I want to play the mandolin or mess with practicing a language, or any of the little hobbies that are not prioritizes. I want to not feel time pressing against me, counting down.

I guess I want time to be a companion instead.

[leciraofthewilderness]

So, despite some faults, I really enjoyed totk, and on its anniversary I want to say something about it. Other people have said similar things before but it’s really important to me and actually a big part of why the story of totk was meaningful to me, so I want to also say it:

Zelda needed to come back from draconification. The story needed that. It wasn’t lazy and just ignoring “consequences” because (imo) that was the *point*

The point is to feel like there are going to be terrible consequences and then say actually, no. You can come back from this, with the help of other people.

To me at least, that was the theme of the whole story.

If botw was about how the world goes on past loss and grief and starts to heal (how flowers grow in the ruins and the world can be beautiful again, be worth saving, even if it has changed)…then totk was about a more personal kind of healing.

The weight of the world should not be on your shoulders alone…you, alone, should not have to fix everything…you should not have to sacrifice yourself, but when you do, someone will be there to save you from it.

This turned into a really long ramble so:

You (Link) gained so much and now it’s gone. It feels like you’re back to where you started and yet you know you have to do it all again…you were weak and you failed and you’re weaker now…but

You go down to the surface. Monsters swarm across it once again. Other people are fighting them too though. You help, but it’s not just you…

You go to the Rito, the Gorons, the Zora, the Gerudo…just like with the divine beasts, there are friends who help you save each region. But this time, part of them comes along with you when you leave. It’s nice, you realize, the first time one of them protects you from a monster you weren’t prepared for. You’re still weaker than you were before, but someone has your back…

When you go up to the sky you see a strange new dragon there. There’s something about them that feels familiar. You try not to think about it.

You go down to the depths too. It’s terrifying at first. You hate it. You only want to get what you came for and get out of the dark….but slowly, the light grows. You get stronger. The dark feels like a challenge you can face (and someone has your back).

There are spirits down there. You don’t know when they’re from, but some part of you wonders…are these all the people you let die in the Calamity? (You help them find rest from their wandering. The weight on your shoulders feels a little less heavy).

There’s so much gloom. The first few times the sky turns red and hands chase you (a reminder of what you’ve lost, how you failed) you just run. Eventually though, you have to fight. It feels like the (second) worst day of your life again. But you manage to get free of the grasping gloom and stand and fight, as wild and desperate as it is. Beneath the manifestation of your worst fears, there’s another thing to fight, but this time it has a face (a voice in the back of your head says…you know this isn’t all on you and your failure…it’s really Ganon’s fault right?). You get through it.

At every turn in your travels, it seems like something reminds you of Zelda. Her passion, her curiosity, her kindness. You miss her.

At first, the tears you find reassure you. She may be in the past, but she’s safe. She’ll come back somehow…but then you hear the word draconification for the first time. You want to believe she wouldn’t do it but you know her and the fear sits cold inside you. (Zelda is a lot of things. She’s been allowed to be more of them, since she was freed from her hundred year battle, without her father holding her back. But deep down inside her, there’s a vein of self-sacrifice that still runs strong. It’s what saved the world before, after all).

She did it. She really did it. She’s gone from you (from Hyrule) forever, and it’s all your fault. If only you hadn’t failed so utterly in the battle (you can hardly even call it that) under the castle. If only you’d caught her. If only you hadn’t let the sword break. You should have protected her you should have been better it’s all your fault and now she has to live with the consequences, forever. Everything really is on you, you should have been better.

(Zelda POV: you couldn’t call upon Hylia’s power in time, you were too content to let it wither and fade away from you, ready to be free of it. You shouldn’t have. He got hurt, the sword got hurt, it’s your fault…Sonia and Rauru help you channel it again, Sonia helps you learn how to turn back time…but you don’t save her. She dies because you couldn’t save her. Rauru dies not long after. There is no one left to guide you, once again. You could spend years trying to figure it out on your own. But you did that last time. It didn’t work. Self-sacrifice, stepping in front of someone you love, that worked. (You do what you can, to call upon the sages, to help Link in the future, first). And then you swallow the stone. You’ve come a long way, in the past five years, allowing yourself to exist. But in the end, self-sacrifice worked last time. It’ll work this time too.)

You (Link) go down beneath the castle. You were supposed to bring the sages but you didn’t. It’s nice, for someone to have your back. But no one else should get hurt to fix your mistakes.

They follow you anyway. They fight with you, against the hordes, against the greatest enemies you defeated together, along the way. They’ll have your back, even if you don’t think you deserve it.

You fight Ganondorf, and then the demon king, in the hardest battle of your life. You think it’s over and then the demon king decides it’s better to lose himself completely than let you win. You’re exhausted and afraid of yet another battle, but up there in the sky, when you’re falling, the Light Dragon catches you (you wonder why she changed her path to catch you, you wonder if there’s still something of Zelda left in there to save). With her help, you win.

And then you’re in some other realm. The spirits of Sonia and Rauru are there. You remember how the two of them and Zelda channeled such incredible power together. You think about Recall. Turning something back to the memory of what it was before, like Sonia said. You stand with them and you allow yourself to hope. Maybe the Light Dragon can remember the form she took so long ago, the person that she was.

And then you’re falling, and Zelda is falling, but this time you catch her. You catch her. She’s back home with you, finally, finally.

And maybe, one mistake doesn’t have to be the end of the world. You don’t have to be perfect. Sometimes, someone else can stand with you, and it’ll all turn out alright. (You can put the weight of the world on your shoulders, you can sacrifice yourself, but someone will be there to catch you, someone will be there to pull you back to yourself, when all is said and done).

[regicidal-defenestration]

Something I'm sad didn't make it into the Nimona film was more about Ballister's arm like, the comic had a whole thing about the Institute not having use for a one-armed hero, and that being part of why they began framing him as the villain

[asexualbookbird]

Okay, so, I didn't read a whole lot this month. Hear me out. I'm not mad about it. I got SO much crafting done across different mediums. Nothing to show for it, really, but I'm having so much fun being creative in a way I haven't felt in a very long time. I think I might actually be able to set up some type of tiny shop about it, too. Got my embroidery machine up and running in a way that allows me to create my own designs, and when I tell you the creative juices are flowing, boy howdy it's like a dam has broken. I also started pokemon Violet, and while that's slow going, I'm having a lot of fun with it. So, no I'm not mad at my reading habits this month.

In the Ravenous Dark by AM Strickland ⭐️⭐️⭐️ - Phew. Okay. This was. A very bumpy ride. The first half was a slog, honestly, and the writing and pacing is not great, but the last third or so reminded me a lot of Beyond the Ruby Veil which was also not outstanding, but it was fun. Fucked up, feral lesbians. Poly family friendship going on. The plot is so basic, the magic neat, the worldbuilding lacking. I would not read it again, but at the end I'm not entirely mad I did.

Dark Matter by Blake Crouch ⭐️ - I don't even know what to say. I didn't expect to be wowed, I went in expecting no more than a mediocre thriller. What I got was A Book Written By A Man™️. How many times can a guy fridge one wife? Infinitely, apparently! I was semi on board until he started fighting his other selves. That was dumb as shit.

The Art of Prophecy by Wesley Chu ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - *Gordon Ramsay voice* Finally, a good fucking book. This took me most of the month to read, but I'm not mad about it. It was nice to sit quietly with this book, and while it took it's time, I never felt bored with it. I can't really pinpoint what keeps it from five stars, and maybe my rating will change in the future, but I did really enjoy this. It has a wonderful cast, everyone felt very real and well rounded, it was bloody, but never felt gratuitously so. It was a good book and I very much want to continue the series.

Favorite of the month was most definitely Art of the Prophecy. Kind of unfair because Dark Matter was such a disaster, but Ravenous Dark had it's perks. Mainly being batshit crazy and ending in polyamory.

My friends, as always, have been incredibly kind to me. I could not have gotten through the last couple months without them. Would like to do a couple of buddy reads in the coming months. I really did like taking my time with a longer book, and I think I'm ready to tackle the final book in the Rook and Rose trilogy. My library also finally got a copy of The Bone Maker on audio and while I haven't listened to an audiobook since December, I'm excited to give that a listen. As always, be kind whenever possible.

[tea-cuz-why-not]

hey, anyone else had the 'purification' or whatever that was of Seth rub them the wrong way?

if yes, would you be interested in like a, post-essay on it?

cause I've been thinking (or maybe projecting) and could the Shadow Charmer status somehow be read as an allegory for neurodivergence or am I going crazy from the amount of headcanons I have

[imsaunteringvaguelydownwards]

if I hear one more person say that Vik is ace I’m gonna go jump off a cliff (read the tags if u want a rant)

[uncanny-tranny]

You know... it's okay to trust your body. If you are separated from your body to such an extent you feel you cannot trust it, I truly from the bottom of my heart empathize and feel grief for you, but you can trust your body.

It's okay to listen to your body and to heed what it is telling you. I wish you (and your body) well wherever you go. You deserve the peace of mind to feel able to do what you want.

[libraryleopard]

i screamed out loud five separate time while watching oddity (2024) dir. damian mccarthy and if anything is a testimony to a good horror movie that definitely is

[saint-lajka]

me when im at position 8 in the queue to call my physiotherapist's office because i woke up without any feeling in my right leg again

[bg3smash-or-pass]

In response to the recent (unpublished) anon I received:

(I won’t be answering the asks directly, to condense my response into one post)

Having now read Khalid’s Baldur’s Gate and Forgotten Realms wiki entries, I think it’s actually really neat that Khalid was deliberately given an explicit stutter and it isn’t just a shorthand to convey his timidness like I assumed it was, being a game from 1998.

But also.. Khalid is still anxious. That’s not just a “horrid ableist assumption,” that’s how his character is written. Many companions in Baldur’s Gate I are described as viewing him as “cowardly”. His whole character seems to be that classic idea of, yknow, bravery not being the absence of fear but doing everything heroic in spite of it.

I’m sorry you’ve seen enough bullshit ableism surrounding Khalid that your knee-jerk reaction to someone saying he sounds anxious is to feel that they are making fun of his disability and saying he’s cowardly and incompetent.

But coming into my ask box, insinuating I am making fun of his disability to make “myself feel superior”, asking if I ever get tired of “finding new lows to stoop to”, and demanding I take my post out of Khalid’s tag so you “don’t have to be forced to see how lowly I think of him” is just. Not it.

[grinchwrapsupreme]

being super normal about White calling Billy "a dreamer"after the events of Maybe No Go

[dragongirluvula]

just found out about the hdg and I definitely don't vibe with it. It almost captures my interest but the hard stance opposition towards exploring the implications that come with a self designated benevolent empire that can solve the inherent problems that come from cultures who are supposedly inferior in some way by nature really like, both rubs me the wrong way and feels like a disservice to the setting itself.

idk just looking at every empire in history it's like, that's literally what they all say and how they justify colonizing others. It's kinda really fucking hard to just take at face value. If imperialist colonizers who just happen to be legimately nicies to the people they colonize is like, ur thing then absolutely jack off to it I'm not here to judge that, just like, own that I guess? But if your argument for them is just that narratively speaking it's just true then my interest in your setting, horny or otherwise just does not exist.

The contradiction of the setting also bothers me, 25-45% of any given species will be domesticated on average but the space between that and rebellion just doesn't seem to be accounted for in the wiki, what is the life of someone not opposed to the empire but also who doesn't volunteer for domestication? How much of their own cultures are retained within the empire? It really seems like the only option for any autonomy in the setting is rebellion but that's also only ever seen as a bad thing.

I just get caught on the whole "affini are imperial" and "affini are benevolent" thing in the axioms section of the hdg wiki. My mixed race ass cannot really look at an invading empire calling itself the good guys without my own personal baggage about it weighing in, ya'feel?

[t4tpumpkinduo]

CEE SCHLATT. don't speak to me 🤚

[atopvisenyashill]

one day i will explain how my complete indifference to both tyrion as a character and his fear/hatred of cersei ties into my hidden tragic backstory but today is not that day.

[kibbycore]

I have trouble regressing when I'm on the computer too much. Watching movies is kinda fine, but playing games and being on the computer were always severely limited activities when I was a kid, so it makes sense. However, I can't help but think of that one post going around therian/otherkin tumblr that was like "you don't feel connected to your theriotype because you aren't touching grass. You don't feel like a fox because you're scrolling social media all day next to your gaming computer. Go outside and touch a leaf and see how you feel then"

[toa-greatmind-nothingislittle]

i went to a supernatural convention this past weekend and it was AMAZING and wonderful and all the lovely adjectives. however, parts of it were really terrible in terms of accessibility, but i'm going to start with the wonderful things first. i met so many lovely people and had really great conversations. a woman who has been going to conventions for years and years gave me a bunch of free supernatural trinkets like magnets and buttons. one day i bought a keychain and the very next day it broke, and then i was chatting with a different seller who was so kind and i had a lot of fun talking to them and the topic of keychains was a large part of the conversation because they sold those and i mentioned offhand the thing about my keychain breaking and they were so upset on my behalf. then when i ended up buying a pin from them they just GAVE me extra pin backs that are extra secure because they said they just didn't want me to lose another souvenier - and they were selling these backs seperatly and they just gave me them and i am so so grateful. the staff was so amazing and two women in particular worked so so hard to help me with accessibility issues (this is where we get to that part). the accesibility issues are *mainly* on the convention center itself, however the con did promise that it was wheelchair accessible and that turned out to be mostly false. the first day, i couldn't find the disabled parking and called the convention center who directed me to a lot that was the FARTHEST one from the actual convention center proper. it took me almost an hour to push myself from the parking lot to the center and i was crying by the end. it also was a very dangerous situation because not only was the whole path potentially very damaging to my wheelchair, i also had to cross several roads. luckily, when i got to the convention center, a very kind woman let me know exactly where to go the next day to be closer to the center and to have an indoor route to the area where the con was. then a firefighter who was in the building saw me having trouble pushing myself after that really strenous past hour and asked if he could help me and brought me to where the con was. (and he didn't touch my chair until i gave permission which feels so respectful). that day, i talked to the two women who ended up helping me the rest of the convention and they worked so hard to find someone who could push me back to my car so i didn't have to make that journey again. however, the next two days i did park in the close disabled parking lot (which was not in good shape and also had several steep inclines where it was hard to push myself) and the indoor route to the center had multiple ramps that were at least a 45 degree angle. i was so lucky to both times be offered by two different men to push me up the ramps (and they both also waited for my permission to touch my chair) and both times they were going out of their way to take me to the part of the center i was going to. i was so so lucky to have found help and be able to get to the con every day, but i was so close to having to not be able to get to and from it. "smaller" accessibility issues were that the whole center was carpeted and that is very difficult to self propel on, and the "accessible" bathroom stall was barely big enough for my chair and had no bars in it to help with support. like i said, i'm very lucky to have found support and been able to enjoy the convention, but all the accessibilty issues were deeply disheartening. it also means that now that it's over, i'm basically incapacitated for a while after also having to make the 8 hour drive home. i honestly don't really know what i'm doing with this post, but i just wish more people were aware of what can make a self proclaimed accessible location very very inaccessible.