#also the body horror rules are sure fun when last year they had vampires as a theme and everyone had gore and blood aaaaall over the place

[leidensygdom]

Artfight mods consider my profile picture to be the height of body horror :/ (has 7 eyes. apparently 6 is the maximum of eyes they allow. let's not talk about how the random character function is almost unusable because you will land into extreme untagged fetish characters every other roll, but hey, priorities)

[legionofpotatoes]

we decided to watch all story cutscenes from the new resident evil village videogame on a whim, since it’s not really our cup of tea gameplay-wise but seems to be this massive zeitgeist moment that made us morbidly curious. And I know how much everyone cares about my thoughts on things I know very little about, so. let’s get into it huh gamers. and yeah spoilers?

for context, I’ve only played resident evil 4 and a small portion of 5. I also read the wikipedia entry for 7’s plot recently. all this to say I was only vaguely aware of how tonally wacky the series was going in

I also completely gave up following the plot of the mutagens’ soap opera, so that paid off in spades here as you might imagine

anyway so that baby in the intro. that baby’s head is just massive. humongous toddlerdome. when ethan finds the baby’s head in a jar later on. there is no way that head would fit into that jar. bad game design. no not even game design. basic stuff. one hundred years in prison for jar modeler

if I see a single functional hetero marriage in video games I will cry tears of joy. I understand their misery is kind of The Point irt them badly working through the hillbilly romp trauma but like. sheesh. at least set that up as an emotional story goal the plot will help resolve. but nope they start off miserable and it goes nowhere

I know I know the mia thing has a huge wrinkle in it but like. not really in terms of dramatic function?? set up a happy end to the re7 nightmare (miranda can keep up appearances for all she cares) and then take that all away from angry griffin mcelroy for manpain. it will still absolutely work to set up the dramatic forward momentum. why throw in this cliche Hollywood Tension in their marriage if you’re not going to address it oh maybe because it’s normalized as automatically interesting because nuclear families are a self-propagating pit of a very narrow chance at emotional happiness relying on social stigma to preserve their empty function oops my baggage slipped in yikes abort mission

I called him griffin mcelroy because I saw his face on twitter and. yeah. I will continue to do this occasionally. my house my rules

... fuck the reason I’m hung up on this is specifically because the rest of the game is so tonally dexterous (which is a shining point to me! more on that later!), and yet they felt weirdly compelled to create the aesthetic trapping of a family-at-odds trope without following it through too well. a sign of both the good and the bad stuff to come

but listen the real reason why I wanted to talk about any of this is to nitpick the fascinating backwards-engineered nucleus of the entire thing; in that this game essentially creates a melting pot of just SO many disparate horror tropes and then makes a no-holds-barred unhinged effort at weaving thick lore to piece them all together. it is truly a sight to behold. like straight up you got your backwoods fright night situation, your gothic castle vampires, your rural-industrial werewolves, and don’t forget your bloated swamp monsters over there, with then a hard left turn into robotic body horror, and the entire ass subgenre of Creepy Doll writ large, and the bloodborne tentacle monsters, and a hellboy angel bossfight, which rides on the coattails of a mech-on-mech pacific rim bonanza, and just jesus henry christ slow down

almost all of these are textural hijack jobs that don’t really get into the metaphor plain of any of those settings but the game sort-of makes an argument that the texture IS the point and revels in it. It is kind of admirable almost. The same reason why the intro felt boxed in and unmotivated is also why the rest of the game just blasts off of its hinges to the point of complete and self-indulgent tonal abandon. I kinda loved that about it. lady dimitrescu made sure to hold her hat down as she bent forward in mahogany doorways and then suddenly she’s a giant gore dragon and you settle in your temp role as dark souls man with Gun to take her ass down. Excellent??

this rhino rampage impulse to gobble up every horror aesthetic known to man comes to head when the game wrestles with its FPS trappings in what is the most hilarious solution in creating visceral player damage moments. Since most cinematics and the entire game is in first person, that leaves precious little real estate for the devs to work with if they really want to sell griffin’s physical crucible. To wit. This dude’s forearms. Specifically just the forearms. They are MASSACRED throughout the story. The poor man lives out the silent hill dimension of a hand model. by the end cutscene he looks like a neatly dressed desk clerk who had decided to stick both his grabbers into garbage disposal grinders just a few hours prior. like in addition to everything else it manages to rope in that tinge of slapstick violence into its general grievous genre collection except this time it IS for a lack of trying! truly incredible

but wait his miracle clawbacks from everything his poor paws go through are retroactively explained away, yes, but far too vaguely and far too late to console me as I sat and watched everyone’s favorite baby brother reattach an entirely severed hand to his wrist stump by just. placing it on there. and giving it a lil twist ‘n pop terminator-style. and then willing his fingers back into motion right in front of my bulging eyes. this game just does not care. it does not give a shit. and boy howdy will it work to make that into one of its strongest suits

cause generally speaking resident evil was THE premiere vanilla zombie content destinaysh for like a decade, right? and as the rest of the world and mainstream media started encroaching and bloodying its blue ocean it went and just exploded in every single conceivable horror trope direction like a smilodon on catnip. truly, genuinely fascinating franchise moves

yeah the big vampire milf is hot. other news; grass... green. although I do love the implication that her closet is just identical white dresses on a rack. cartoon network-level queen shit

apropos of nothing I’ve said there’s also this hobo dante-devimaycry-magneto man, and I can’t believe this sentence makes sense. anyway he made that “boulder-punching asshole” joke referring to chris redfield and it was probably the only easter egg that really landed for me and boy did it land hard. I have not seen him punch the boulder in re5, mind. I had only heard about how funny it is from friends. and here this dude was, probably in the same exact mindset as me, trying to grapple with that insane mental image. with you on that ian mckellen, loud and clear

I advocate vehemently against the shallow pursuit of hyper photorealism in art direction but I gotta admit it works really in favor of immersive horror like this. the european village shacks especially gave me super unchill flashbacks to my rural countryside retreat in western georgia. I could smell the linoleum dude. not cool

faces are weird in this game. can’t place it. nice textures, good animation, but the modeling template is... uuh strange? and the hair. it has that clustered-flat-clumpy look that harkens to something very specific and unpleasant but I just don’t know what. sue me

griffin’s mental aptitude to take all this shit in stride and end every seemingly traumatizing bossfight involving some fucking eldritch being yet unseen through mortal eyes by essentially throwing out an MCU quip is just. What the fuck dude? I mean that was funny how you casually yelled the f-word at a god damn werewolf that you considered a fairy tale an hour ago but are you like, all right?? it was swinging a sledgehammer the size of a bus at you, ethan

oh oh the vampires are afraid of cold and your last name is winters. I get it haha

Pro Gamer Nitpick: boss fights seemed a bit unnecessarily long?? idk why the youtuber we picked decided the ENTIRE propeller man fight counted towards the vital story scenes he was stitching together, but man mr big daddy lite there really had some get up and go huh??

why are they saying dimitrescu.. like that. is it really how you say that word or is the english language relapsing into its fetish for ending every single word with a consonant at all costs

I’m not saying it’s a dramatic miss of a twist in context of all that’s going on, but the “you died in the last game actually and have been DC’s clayface ever since” revelation is low-key. it’s. it’s just funny to me, I dont know what to say. century-old god-witch fails her evil plan after she mistakenly removes heart from what was definitely NOT just some white guy with eight fingers after all

chris realizing he’s about to become the player character and immediately swapping out his tsundere trenchcoat for the muscletight sex haver sweater

the little bluetooth speaker-sized pipe bomb he taped to his knife was nuclear?? really??? I must have missed something because that is just too good. I buy it though I totally buy it. chris just got them fun-sized nukes in his car trunk for, you guessed it, Situations

anyway this is all for now just wanted to briefly touch on how unexpectedly funny and tonally irreverent this seemingly serious game turned out to be. did not articulate any cathartic story beats whatsoever but my god it had fun connecting those plot points. he just fucking put his severed hand back on his stump and it Just Worked todd howard get in here

[fall-to-rise-98]

Kingdom Fall: 

 Amity Reject

Before choosing Dauntless at her choosing ceremony and becoming a true Dauntless member Amity-born Anna never felt accepted in her faction, but she took a leap of faith and learned fast how to make it through initiation. She took her aptitude test and got Divergent though, having shown an affinity for three other factions: Abnegation, Erudite, and Candor. Peace was something she wasn’t accustom to and she had been known to become violent at times, so that ruled out Amity. Dauntless was for the brave and courageous, which she could manage. Although some fears she thought seemed permanently etched onto her soul. Before choosing Dauntless Anna had also never known true love, then she met Eric. The cold, stone-faced leader of the Dauntless initiates. They butted heads from the moment they met with Anna’s sarcastic, cynical personality and his quick temper. It took some time for Anna to break through Eric’s metal armor and as dangerous as she knew it was to be near him, her being Divergent, it excited her all the same. Her life was at risk being around Eric, but this was what she wanted when she left behind Amity: the chance to finally be free. If she had to die eventually, just for the sweet taste of freedom, then she was determined to go out with a bang.

A/N: Each post for this story may be short or long, depending on how much creative juice I can squeeze out. Each post may or may not be in order, just enjoy the ride. I will update as often as I can, since I am also writing another fanfic for Little Vampire on my main fanfiction account here  ⎯ https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13791424/1/Sweet-But-Psycho. Also, trigger warnings abound: vulgar language, physical abuse, mental abuse, adult themes (y’all know what that means), mentions of suicide (won’t go into detail), death, and of course  ⎯ violence.

The Choosing Ceremony: Part 2

Play With Fire

I’m free. 

I chose Dauntless.

I am Dauntless. 

She almost couldn’t believe she got up the courage to spill her blood over the hot coals, but her decision was neither fast nor did she waste her time choosing. 

It felt like, for a moment, Anna had been moving in slow motion. Her feet carried her from her seat in the Amity section of the crowd of people, all who watched her with baited breath. Waiting to see what she would do. 

She knew most of them would have not expected her to choose Dauntless. But she had and she grinned broadly at the cheers that erupted among the brave soldiers. 

She would be a brave soldier. 

Daring a glance at her mother she strode calmly toward her new faction, not surprised in the least at finding the horror on the woman’s face. For the first time in her life Anna felt a sense of remorse, regretful of her decision to choose a faction that was not the one she grew up in. 

The faction where her mother would endure the torture of Andrew alone. 

The fear and worry on Kimberly’s face made Anna turn away at the last second, just missing the reaction Andrew had. A warning clasp of his hand around Kimberly’s wrist, a dagger-throwing glare on his face. 

“Well, this certainly is a shocker! We got ourselves a transfer from Amity this year. At least there won’t be much competition, right?” 

The voice came from her left, a male by the deep tone ⎯ confident, but raspy. When she turned to face the unfamiliar stranger she found he was looking her up and down, making her feel insecure and small. 

Anna thought she would be able to withstand initiation. She had grown plenty of muscle over the years from helping out at the farm and training in private. Though she was a whopping five-foot-three inches Anna knew there was an advantage to her height many of the other initiates didn’t have. 

She was fast and tiny. 

A deadly weapon in a small package, she reminded herself. 

Glaring at the man Anna scoffed, “You wish. Just because I’m from Amity doesn’t mean I am like them. I chose Dauntless for a reason and I don’t intend on making a fool in front of myself before I’ve even started training.” 

He smirked at her, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Dauntless-born. 

“You got a lot of spunk, kid. My name’s Dorian. Want some advice?” 

Anna narrowed her eyes, studying the man for a moment. He was definitely taller than she was and had a lot more muscle than she did, but his mouth made him less attractive. She had always been a sucker for long hair and piercing eyes, but something about Dorian made a chill run down her spine. 

“Not particularly, no. Especially not from an arrogant Dauntless-born. Are you sure you weren’t mixed up at birth with an Erudite?” 

Dorian laughed at her, making his eyes wrinkle around the corners. “My advice to you is watch your tongue. That kind of lip may pass with the initiates, maybe some of the Dauntless-born, but if you smart off to a leader you may as well kiss that sweet ass goodbye. On the train to the factionless.” 

She grunted and shook her head, keeping herself from rewarding Dorian with a sarcastic reply as she tightened her mouth into a straight line. He would only enjoy the witty banter, she had a feeling. 

When the Dauntless started running out of the choosing ceremony Anna followed suit, at first focusing on her breathing as her legs pumped to keep up with the others. Then joining in on the fun as they all hollered and screamed excitedly. She wasted no time in climbing the structure that led up to where the train was rapidly speeding passed, the handles on the outside of the metal locomotive almost blurred to nothing. 

But it wasn’t as hard getting onto the train as it seemed and soon, Anna was swinging her body sideways into one of the train cars. Six other initiates had transferred from the other factions with her, but only five made it safely onto the train. She took her time catching her breath and observing the others that were with her. 

Three boys: two from Candor, one from Abnegation. 

Two other girls: one from Erudite, one from Abnegation. 

So it was one of the two Erudite girl’s who didn’t make it. The one that had made it on the train was staring solemnly out of the open door, a frown on her face which almost seemed misplaced with her pixie-like features. She had shoulder-length, spiky black hair and pale, green eyes. 

The other Erudite girl must have been her friend, the one with the curly red hair. The loss of a close friend may or might not hinder her progress throughout the initiation process, which would be another advantage. 

Anna looked away from the Erudite girl, no longer deeming her a possible threat. She decided to take a look at the other initiates who may or might not make things tricky for her. 

The first Candor boy, blonde-haired and blue-eyed, stood as far as he could from the second. Both of them appeared to already share a rivalry with each other. They did not see her as a threat, neither did they glance in her direction. 

The second Candor boy, dark-haired and gray-eyed, was glaring maliciously at the first. They must know each other, for there was obviously tension between the two. She moved on, looking from the two Candor transfers to the two transfers from Abnegation. 

Unlike the pair of Candor boys the two Abnegation transfers were practically glued at the hip. One boy, one girl. The boy was average-height and lanky, but the girl by his side was the opposite. She was taller than he was and on the thicker side. They looked like puzzle pieces fit together. 

They were a couple. 

Another advantage Anna might be able to use. 

When the Erudite girl gasped everyone poked up their head, “The Dauntless-born are jumping off of the train now!” She still stood at the open door, gaping at the sight of the black-clad members (as well as initiates) taking their leap onto the rooftop of a building. It looked like they were flying almost. 

“Well, I guess that means we gotta jump too, otherwise we’ll be joining the factionless.” Anna spoke up for the first time since she left the ceremony and joined the other initiates in the train car, sliding up to the Erudite girl’s side with a smile on her face. “Are you scared?” 

The Erudite girl snorted and narrowed her eyes at Anna, “I chose Dauntless. Of course I’m not scared. I don’t have a death wish either though.”  “Wanna go together?” 

A rare moment of Amity came out in Anna, offering her hand to the Erudite transfer. The girl looked suspiciously at her, but grabbed her fingers with a nod after a moment of deciding. Not even the Erudite girl viewed Anna as a threat and together they jumped off of the train. 

The jump was short, but to Anna it felt like it too had gone in slow motion. Just like when her name was called during the choosing ceremony and she felt like her body was moving without the command from her brain. 

Her stomach flopped at the brief thought of falling to her death and at some point during the jump she lost her hold on the Erudite girl’s hand, landing a few feet farther than the rest of the initiates. 

It was obvious they weren’t used to running and jumping, but that was what Anna did for fun while no one else was watching. She also liked climbing trees. Sometimes she would hide away in the tree limbs, covered by the leaves that sprouted from the bark. 

The others stared at her warily when she got to her feet and Anna could now see the gears turning in their heads, clearing her throat as she brushed the gravel from her bare knees. It was a good idea wearing the tank and shorts, but an even better idea to put on the sneakers she kept tucked away in the back of her closet. 

They obviously did not prepare and were now regarding her with curiosity. 

Before any words could spark between their group a new voice called out to them and her eyes went straight for the source of the sound. The Dauntless man was muscular for sure, his bicep looked about as big as her head. He was seemingly covered in tattoos, they showed on either side of his throat and on one of his forearms. Two piercings sat above his right eyebrow and two others stretched his earlobes.

 Anna thought for a second he could be attractive, if he smiled. 

Then his words finally registered once she got over her hormones, “My name is Eric and I am one of your new leaders among the Dauntless. Today you’ve chosen to become one of us, so now it’s our turn to choose you. You already jumped on and off the train, but that is only the beginning of your time here. If you want to become one of us, now you must jump off this building.” 

What? 

He wants us to jump off a building? 

“Is something down there that will catch our fall?” 

The second Candor boy looked nervous, but Eric did nothing to ease that nervousness. Eric’s next words only seemed to make the unease worse. 

“Maybe, maybe not. Why don’t you find out? Unless you’d rather be factionless.” 

This didn’t make any sense. Why would he want us to jump if it would kill us? 

No one seemed eager to make the leap of faith, they all looked at each other. 

So Anna stepped forward and the crowd parted for her, allowing her easy access to the ledge she may or may not die from jumping off of. 

“I’ll go first since no one else seems to wanna make the first jump.” 

Eric raised an eyebrow at her, examining her from head to toe. There was curiosity in his eyes, but also amusement. “Alright then.” He stepped down so she could step up and smirked she passed by, “An Amity transfer?” 

She wasn’t even focusing on Eric until she heard those words come out of his mouth, turning to face him as she stood on the ledge. Her sneakers barely kept their grip on the edge of the rooftop and she wobbled briefly, but managed to keep her balance. 

Nodding her head Anna couldn’t help the sound of Dorian’s voice in her head, echoing that she had better watch what she says. Especially around a Dauntless leader. “Yeah? Is that a problem, sir?” 

Eric’s smirk widened, his steel-blue eyes glinting. His fingers twitched at the word sir, but bristled and curled at the sharp tone of her voice. “Not at a problem at all. I just find it interesting that you think you can handle our lifestyle, Amity.” 

She glared back at Eric and bit her tongue, opting to keep her silence than be a smartass and get the boot before even starting her training as a Dauntless soldier. Giving the group of initiates and Eric a two-finger salute Anna stepped off the ledge finally, her back facing the black abyss as she fell. 

To her doom? 

No. 

Into a net. 

Anna wasn’t prepared for the spring, letting out a startled yelp, but once she stopped bouncing a grin tugged her lips back from her teeth. She was still grinning when a pair of hands pulled at the edge of the net, her body rolling out of the net and onto the cold floor. 

The man facing her now raised both of his eyebrows, just as surprised as Eric had been. Though unlike Eric he had no piercings or visible tattoos and he had a nice tan. He glanced up at the sky like it was a mistake for her to be here, “A transfer from Amity? You must either be really brave or really stupid.” 

With those words Anna’s grin turned once again into a glare. 

“Maybe I’m a little bit of both? Really brave and really stupid.” 

The man smiled at her, much more friendlier than Eric’s tight-lipped smirk, and he even let out a chuckle. Though it was gone as fast as it appeared. 

“My name’s Four, I’ll be one of your trainers throughout initiation. What’s your name, initiate?” 

Anna opened her mouth to reply, but just as quickly snapped her mouth shut and took a moment to think. Anna was her name in Amity. It was the name she grew up with, was given at birth, and has known throughout her whole life. 

“Your name can’t be that hard to remember, can it? You can choose something else, you know. If you don’t want to keep your government name.” 

Anna smiled then, “Any name I can think of?” 

The man, Four, chuckled again. “Before I had my choosing ceremony and went through Dauntless training do you really think my parents gave me the name Four?” 

She laughed and nodded her head, “Fair enough. Do I have to keep my last name too?” 

 “No. There are quite a few Dauntless members who only have one name.” 

Anna tapped her finger on her chin for a moment, thinking of all the names she could come up with. Only one stood out to her, only one came to mind that she liked most. “Okay then. I think I know what name I want.” 

“Finally, now we can get this train wreck on the road.” 

“Nice to meet you, Four. My name’s Mallory.” 

Four grinned and nodded his head, “Good choice.” Grabbing for her wrist he raised her arm over her head, shouting out, “First jumper! Mallory!”

(first story here: https://fall-to-rise-98.tumblr.com/post/643132699387772928/divergent-eric-oc)

[jonathanvik]

Starlight Dream - Chapter 1

The slop squelched onto Seina's plate. Pieces of her dinner splashed onto her plain blue dress, staining it. Not that the server cared, glaring at her to keep moving. The workers only had two twenty-minute breaks in their thirteen-hour day. The servers tolerated no dillydallying, especially from rambunctious young girls like her.

Seina kept her head down and kept moving, else she draw more attention to herself. She'd have to spend some time before bed cleaning it. By rule, the higher-ups allowed the workers only one outfit.

Her parents waved her over, and Seina joined them. Before the darkness, her father had worked at an insurance firm as a salaryman. Years of hard labor and ill nutrition had left him gaunt and bony, losing most of his hair during the process. Despite this, he kept a positive attitude. Her father never stopped smiling, always saying there was a silver lining behind anything. Seina wasn't sure what silver lining existed to a life with a 78-hour workweek of menial labor, and being fed food even dogs would be reluctant to eat. Still, she appreciated the encouragement.

"Oh dear, did you receive a stain, Seina?" Seina's mother said as she approached the grimy rusty table her family sat around. While somewhat plain, the matronly woman wore a face people instinctively trusted. "I'll ask around to see if I can get an extra detergent ration. Can't have the taskmasters seeing my daughter walk around in soiled clothes." Like her father, her mother was also always smiling. It made Seina feel guilty for being miserable most days.

Not that they really had days anymore. Thick smoke covered the sky, making even the sunniest days hazy and ugly. The masters' power had ensured the sun would never shine again.

Seina gave the nearest taskmaster a nervous sideways glance. Pointed teeth glistened from under his lips, marking him as the monster he was. She gave him a respectful nod, not showing an ounce of disrespect. She'd seen people staked for less. Their boss enjoyed twisting people into grotesque art pieces to mock their human workers. For the majority of Seina's ten-year existence, vampires had dominated the world.

Somehow, Seina got her stomach to agree with the slop they'd served her. Her parents weren't as picky, happily sipping away at their meal. After another tentative bite, an interruption caught her attention, making her blood turn cold. A high-ranking vampire had entered their eating area, a black silk cape flowing behind him. They were never a good sign.

"Attention. The Dark Lord is looking for volunteers for tonight's entertainment, and you're the lucky bunch, 2-B!" The man gave them a cruel smile. "Come this way. I'd advise not to keep Master Lothaire waiting."

Fear rooted Seina's feet in place, knowing the likely fate which awaited them. She'd seen it often enough. Master Lothaire loved making them watch his entertainments. Her father put a comforting hand on her shoulder, wearing a bright smile.

"Don't worry dear. Most groups come back alive afterward. They can't afford to kill entire scores of us. They'll pick a few and leave the rest alone."

Her mother nodded in agreement, also wearing a wide, encouraging smile. "He's right, Seina. I better take care of that stain. Have to look our best for the vampire lord! How's my hair look?"

"Just smashing honey!" Her father replied. "You'll knock them dead!"

Her mother blushed. "Stop it!"

While not as optimistic, Seina got her feet moving. She joined the others in her workgroup towards Master Lothaire's favorite colosseum, allowing the head vampire to shackle her.

"What a dreary place!" Colten said, examining the strange new world he'd found himself in. He flew high into the smoky area, examining everything with interest. What a terrible place to find himself. The people looked shabby, dressed in rags. Their living conditions seemed little better. Most buildings were either dilapidated or empty. The fear behind the human's eyes broke his tiny heart. Something terrible had happened here.

As he scanned his surroundings, something caught his eye. Were those people in chains? Dark creatures were guiding their captives towards one of the few well-maintained buildings in the city. It was a massive dome-like building and, unlike most structures, had bright flashing lights. From the captive's expressions, most believed they were going to die. It shocked him to see children among them.

Colten screamed in frustration. What could he do? His power was limited, drained from his trip, and he was only a tiny fairy. Dark energy spilled from the people's captors. They were powerful creatures of pure darkness. The evil intensified when he looked towards the shining dome. He sensed great malice there.

"Darn it!" He looked towards the scared people again and made a decision. Moments later, he flew towards the colosseum, praying he could do something.

People packed the stadium. They bumped and jostled Seina as she attempted to walk through them. Master Lothaire must have called everyone in the Osaka district to attend his games. The vampire elite were jeering and having fun, watching the helpless, terrified humans with amusement. One grabbed a random passerby, and Seina looked away, not wishing to see what happened next. She'd heard and seen enough to know the rest.

The entire building was a testament to the master of humanity's power. Statues of people wearing expressions of agonizing pain decorated the walls. Rumors said they were actual people, turned to stone through a vampire's power during their death throes and maybe even still suffering. The details on them gave some unsettling credence to this theory.

Soon they reached a large circular room with countless bleachers, each occupied by a vampire eager for tonight's festivities. Master Lothaire himself sat on a throne of ivory, looking down upon his domain from the balcony. The vampire lord was handsome beyond words, taking Seina's breath away, despite knowing his true monstrous nature. The proof hung around his neck. He wore a necklace of skulls, each of a world leader he'd killed after taking their country for his own. In the throne beside him sat Lilha, his queen. She also shared her husband's inhuman beauty, only her eyes betrayed her lack of humanity, and Seina shivered when they shared a glance. She was only a toy Lilha would enjoy before throwing away.

"Welcome, friends!" Master Lothaire said. Despite not raising his voice, Seina could hear him despite the distance. "Tonight marks the fifth anniversary of my conquest of the world. In honor of that victory, I've provided entertainment and games for all to enjoy. Eat, drink, and be merry! For this kingdom will last a thousand years and beyond!" The vampire crowd broke into uproarious cheering and applause.

Seina's legs shook. This was worse than she'd first suspected. The odds of survival seemed almost impossible. She calmed down somewhat when her father put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Don't worry, we'll get through this." Her father said, wearing a warm smile.

"Our first entertainment will be a favorite of mine, a battle to the death!" Master Lothaire said, continuing. "Against your favorite and mine, Dreven the Unkillable!"

Bar doors opened in the fighter's pit, revealing a shirtless vampire. Unlike most of his kind, this vampire had a powerfully built body, seeming more alive than his undead kin. He played to the crowd, who gave him cheers and tossed him decayed flowers.

_Wow, Dreven the Unkillable. I feel sorry for anyone who's going to face him. He's never lost a fight, ever. _Wasn't his win count eight thousand to zero or something?

"And his opponent will be a volunteer from worker group 2-B!" Master Lothaire said, surprising Seina out of her pondering.

_This is so bad! _That meant someone she'd know for most of her life would soon die. It was too horrible to even consider. The girls in her division openingly wept, almost terrified beyond reason. Uncle Kenji offered brave words, but they fell on deaf ears.

"No need to rush." A vampire dressed like a cheesy announcer, complete with a tacky polka-dot bow tie, said. "But if you don't volunteer soon, there will be consequences."

The captive humans remained silent, too frightened to do anything. The vampire announcer's annoyance grew by the moment.

"Still no response? Oh well." The announcer shrugged. "I'll make it easier for you. The fighter will come from chapter D. That simplifies things. You better choose quickly, or you will all die in one minute."

D? That was Seina's division. No, please no. Anything but that. Usually, divisions had five people, but 2-B was missing two. One died of exhaustion last week, and the other suffered a terrible mining accident.

It was too horrible to consider. Would this mean that... Seina yelped in surprise as someone pushed her forward, howling in pain as she landed face-first on the fighter's pit floor. She spat after getting some dirt into her mouth.

"Well, well! Looks like we have a volunteer!" The announcer said. The crowd burst into laughter.

"What? No!" Seina's eyes widened in horror. What had just happened? Who pushed her? She looked up to see her father with a hand extended outward.

"Dad?" Seina said, too stunned for words.

"Sorry honey, but it was either you or us!" Her father replied.

"Don't worry, Seina. We'll always remember you!" Her mother added.

"W-what?"

"We'll be sorry to see you go. But don't worry, we'll have a new daughter in your honor!" Her father continued.

Her mother gave an emphatic nod. "Yes, Seina is a beautiful name. I'm sure she'll love it!"

Seina just stared, unable to believe what just happened. The crowd broke into more laughter and cheers, and the vampire king gave a nod of approval.

"Silly child," Lothaire said. "Haven't you listened to my teachings? In this world, it's kill or be killed. Love is only a weakness. Your parents were right to sacrifice you."

"Yep, sorry dear, but he's right!" Her father said, nodding in agreement. "You should have known."

"Hopefully, the new Seina will be smarter." Her mother added.

"Bring out the weapons. This should be entertaining." Lothaire said.

"What?" The shock of her parents' betrayal still hadn't left her. Seina had trouble adjusting to the concept that they expected her to fight for life. "But I'm only a ten-year-old girl!"

Dreven smirked and shrugged. "Them's the breaks, kid." From the audience's expression, they would enjoy seeing her torn limb from limb. The humans, except her parents, looked away, not wishing to watch Seina's gruesome fate.

A vampire pulled a wide variety of weapons into the fighter's pit. They ranged from swords to guns. None looked light enough for a ten-year-old to wield. Seina broke into tears, beyond terrified, unable to even stand straight. She didn't want to die. How could this happen?

With an exaggerated swagger, Dreven walked over to the weapon rack and withdrew a sword larger than Seina's entire body. With his vampiric strength, it seemed like a toy in his hands.

Since fighting back was pointless, Seina closed her eyes, preparing for the end. She prayed it wouldn't be too painful.

"Please don't cry! Be strong!" A kind voice said, wiping the tears from her eyes.

Seina blinked through watery eyes, looking towards the kind stranger who comforted her in her final moments. She gasped in shock when she got a good look at them.

"You should be ashamed of yourselves, you jerks! You're the worst of the worst!" The strange creature said, berating the vampire horde.

Her rescuer was the purest white she'd ever seen. His head was bulbous, larger than his torso. The face somewhat resembled a cat, but with longer ears. Puffs of fur popped out from his enormous ears. Somehow, tiny wings supported the creature's weight, allowing him to fly around. He was also the cutest thing Seina had ever seen.

"What are you?" Seina asked in amazement, wondering if she was dreaming, or if the recent events had shattered her sanity.

"My name's Colten. And I refuse to allow this farce to continue any further!" The cat creature puffed out his chest.

"And what are you supposed to be?" Dreven said, pointing his enormous sword at the intruder.

"Um, just a fairy here to help." Despite his obvious fear, Colten refused to back down.

"A creature of good?" Lothaire snorted in derision. "How ridiculous. Another fool rushing to their death."

"He's right! You'll only get yourself killed!" Seina refused to allow someone else to die for her sake.

"No way!" Colten shook his enormous head only to scream in pain a few seconds later as Dreven struck him with the blunt edge of his enormous sword.

"Colten!" Seina rushed to her fallen friend's side. Thankfully, he only seemed bruised and not dead. A wing looked damaged, though. It seemed unlikely he could fly anytime soon.

"How adorable. Wanting to die together, I see." Dreven turned towards the announcer. "Hey, is it alright if the fairy joins the girl's side?"

The announcer gave a thumbs up. "Sounds like a plan!"

"Looks like we're in this together." Colten gave Seina a weak smile as she cradled him in her arms.

"Yeah." Tears dropped onto Colten's little head as Seina broke down.

She'd just made a friend, and he was now dying for her sake. Seina hugged him, holding him tight and began sobbing. The vampire crowd broke into mocking laughter, enjoying seeing this helpless girl suffer. Seina didn't care or even notice, focusing on her new friend instead. She supposed at least she wouldn't die alone. Seina held one of the fairy's legs as they waited for the end. Somehow, despite everything, some happiness bloomed in her heart. Seina was glad she'd met someone as wonderful as Colten.

"You're lucky, little girl. Two on one is much fairer odds." The vampire warrior broke into uproarious laughter. "Start the round already. I'm ready for some carnage!"

_This is it. _Seina cried out in pain and surprise as bright light blinded her, almost dropping Colten. The light faded, leaving a very confused Seina.

"What was that?"

"No way!" Colten said.

"What is it?" Colten's expression surprised Seina. Was that hope on his tiny face?

"Look down!" Colten pointed towards a strange object that hadn't been there before. Seina grabbed it without even thinking, turning it around in her hand. It was a pink-colored diamond-encrusted brooch.

"It's so pretty." Seina had seen nothing so beautiful in her life. It made the splendor the vampire lord surrounded himself with seem dull in comparison.

"You're a magical girl, Seina? I don't believe it! I'd thought only a special few could become one!" Colten was ranting, speaking at speeds almost impossible to understand. "This is amazing, spectacular!"

"What? Magical girl? What are you talking about?"

The tiny fairy's expression turned smug. "It means we can wipe the floor with these vampire creeps!"

Dreven snorted in derision. "Really?"

"I'm not following." Seina was beyond lost. How could a brooch allow her to fight? Blind the vampire to death?

"Hold you brooch up into the air and yell, Change Change, Magical Love Dress Up!"

"Okay." While certain it would make her appear ridiculous, she'd try anything at this point.

Seina stood up and gave Dreven a determined glare. She sent another one towards the vampire king himself. If this gave her power, she'd put an end to this nightmare herself. "Change Change, Magical Love Dress Up!"

Bright light engulfed Seina, and her entire body glowed a transparent blue. In a flash, everything about her body changed. Her short black hair extended into two long, luxurious braids. The bland rags she wore transformed into a pink frilly dress with a short skirt. The elaborate new costume gave Seina the vague impression of the long-dead lotus flower she'd seen in old books. A large yellow bow was across her chest, and her brooch stood in its center.

Colten laughed. "I knew it! You are a magical girl!"

"Huh?" Seina blinked and looked down at herself, both amazed and baffled.

"That's the terrible power that will destroy us all?" Dreven broke into mocking laughter, and the other vampires joined him. Lothaire chuckled, sipping at his wine. His wife only looked confused.

"That was disappointing. I was hoping for something more exciting!" Seina's mom pipped it.

"How am I meant to fight with this?" Seina gestured to herself. Except for her new pretty outfit, she didn't feel any different. How could a simple dress protect her from bloodthirsty monsters?

"What do you mean? You can totally floor him now!" Colten argued back with far more confidence than she felt. "Hold out your hand and focus. You can summon your special weapon that way."

_A special weapon! That might change this situation around! _Seina did as instructed, and a long staff appeared in her hand. Attached to its end, was a bubble blower?

Dreven snorted. "That's your great weapon?"

"Yeah! What the heck!" This magical girl deal was a rip-off!

"Well, with that mighty weapon, I better switch to something more dangerous." Dreven threw aside his sword and withdrew a pistol from the weapon rack. "Start the fight already. I'm curious what this magical girl can do."

"Don't worry, you got this," Colten said with the utmost confidence.

"What are you talking about! I have a bubble blower, and he's got a freaking gun! This isn't even remotely fair!"

"Alright. The battle will begin..." Before the announcer could finish his pronouncement, the sound of the gunshot echoed through the stadium, and Seina toppled over.

"What?" Colten said in shocked outrage. "You can't do that!"

"I'm a vampire. I don't fight fair," Dreven replied, and the crowd broke into mocking laughter. They berated the magical girl who believed anyone could defeat the ruthless, unstoppable vampires.

"Seems the fight's over with, folks! The winner is Dreven!" The announcer said, not caring about the vampire warrior breaking the rules.

"Um, actually I'm fine!" Seina stood up, shaking the dust from her dress. "It just startled me."

Much to her amazement, the bullet hadn't even scratched her skin despite striking her right in the forehead. It amused her to see the vampires shocked at her survival. Maybe victory wasn't impossible after all?

Dreven, however, didn't seem that impressed. "You survived, so what? A vampire can survive much worse." He threw away his gun and took back his sword. Without waiting for the announcer to begin the fight, he charged forward with blinding speed, sword raised to sever his opponent's head.

The colosseum's roof exploded as Dreven crashed through it, exposing the building to the chilly night air. Vampires screamed in fear and surprise as pieces of the roof collapsed on top of them. Seina stared at her extended arm in amazement.

"Wow." Seina couldn't believe her strength. She could have sworn she'd only tapped the vampire.

"Um, Seina. Your bubble blower is meant for casting spells, not a blunt weapon." Colten said. "But that works too I guess."

"Oops." Seina blushed with embarrassment.

"She won." Lilha, the vampire queen, said in the dead shocked silence.

"She has some power, I suppose." Lothaire didn't seem too impressed despite Seina's astounding display of strength.

A strange thought popped into her head. "Does this mean I win? The announcer didn't actually start the fight."

"I guess so. Congratulations!" Colten patted her on the leg.

"I'm not finished yet!" Dreven tossed people out of his path as he stomped back towards the fighting pit. The vampire warrior was soaking wet and pieces of seaweed latched to his body. Had Seina knocked him to the ocean? That was miles away.

"Oh, you're back. Ready for another butt-kicking?" Colten said. Seina nodded, not sure why the vampire had returned after she'd beaten him with little difficulty.

Dreven broke into a disturbingly wide smile. His grin stretched out unnaturally, cackling while doing so. "Foolish girl. You think you can beat me?"

The vampire warrior extended a hand and drove it into his chest. Much to Seina's horror and shock, he withdrew something red and beating. Had Dreven just torn out his own heart? Clenching his fist, he crushed it. Gore and blood oozed down his hand. Dreven's grin extended as the hole he'd torn into his chest vanished like it never existed.

"I'm not like other vampires. Destroying my heart can't kill me. Nothing can! As long as a single atom of my body exists, I can't die!"

"Okay, but was that really necessary?" Seina's stomach felt queasy, horrified by the display. He could have just told her.

The vampires in the crowd broke into mocking, jeering laughter. They sent praises towards their champion and insults towards his magical girl opponent. Lothaire gave them a tilt of his head in respect.

"Hold on!" An irritating realization struck Seina. "Why are you fighting in a colosseum if you literally can't die? That doesn't seem fair at all!"

"We've vampires, kiddo. We don't play fair." Dreven said in a purr.

"No, you're just being a jerk," Colten replied.

"So, shall we begin our game again?" Dreven withdrew a nasty-looking rusty spiked mace from the weapon's rack.

Seina, however, was unimpressed. Already, she'd grown tired of the vampire's nonsense. An idea popped into her head, and her lips curled into a small smile. Yes, that would solve her problem nicely.

"Ha! You'll find Seina not so easy to beat!" Colten said. "Use your magical bubble blower to finish this fool!"

"I can't agree more." Seina walked up to her opponent, who watched her in bemusement. She gripped her staff tight, adjusted her aim, and swung with all her strength. Dreven screamed in pain and terror as the magical girl launched his body high into the air, flying the hole in the ceiling. Seina watched as the vampire flew higher into the sky, bursting a hole through the smoke cover and disappearing into the starry night sky.

"There, he won't cause anyone any more trouble!" Seina said, proud of herself. "If he can heal himself forever, fine. But that doesn't matter if he's stuck floating in space!" It amazed her that the plan worked. Just how powerful was she now? The entire audience broke into another stunned silence.

"Seina, that isn't what I mean at all," Colten said.

"Sorry?"

"I meant for you to use your magical powers to obliterate him."

"I can do that?" Seina blushed with embarrassment.

"Yes, you're a magical girl. It's in the name." Colten sighed, then shrugged. "Well I guess a victory's a victory." A clap interrupted their conversation.

"Very amusing," Lothaire said, standing from his throne. "It appears you have some power."

"Lord Lothaire, are you going to face this child?" The vampire lord's wife asked. "Surely it's beneath you. Let me handle her. I'd love to punish a misbehaving child."

"No, this girl represents something that I can't allow to stand. The pathetic scum down there must learn that no such thing remains." Lothaire gestured to the humans, watching the scene. Seina saw what the vampire lord meant. They stared at Seina with awe, their eyes sparkling with an emotion she'd rarely seen in her short life. It created a strange bubbling feeling in her stomach.

"It looks like we're fighting the big boss guy now," Colten said. "Good, that saves time."

"Understand this, child," Lothaire said. "Dreven was the weakest of our number. A vampire of lesser capabilities. I won't be such an easy opponent."

Seina gulped and her hand trembled, not doubting the vampire king's pronouncement for a moment. When humanity fought against him, no weapon could stop him. Even a barrage of nuclear weapons had proven useless. Rumors whispered that his vampiric power made him invincible.

"Smart girl. You understand the trouble you're in. You won't even lay a hand on my husband." Lilha said. "You will die, not even realizing it until it is too late."

Lord Lothaire stared down at his opponent. His expression was unreadable, but his confidence was undeniable.

"Did you know, no weapon has ever even touched Lord Lothaire?" Lilha said, continuing her boast. "They can't. He has utter mastery of eternity."

Colten, however, seemed unperturbed. "So what? Seina will kick his pointy teeth in."

"Understand this, little fairy," Lilha said, her tone superior. "My husband's power allows him to control time. Any timeline he doesn't care for, he discards like trash."

"Time control?" Alarm had crept into Colten's face. Seina's hand trembled, realizing how much trouble they were in. What a fool she'd been thinking anyone could defeat the masters.

"He sifts through the possibilities until the one he desires comes into fruition." Lilha extended a hand, gesturing to everything around her. "Nothing ever happens unless Lord Lothaire wills it!"

Seina put her hands into her face. With some difficulty, she fought back tears, refusing to cry again in front of these monsters. So much for hope. Fate had a twisted sense of humor.

"That's not good." While Colten's confidence had faded somewhat, he continued putting up a brave face.

The entire crowd of vampires broke into applause, and Lilha soaked in their admiration. Lothaire continued to stay where he stood, impassive.

"Give us a good show, magical girl. It should be quite entertaining. Wouldn't you agree, my husband?"

Lothaire continued to stay where he stood, unresponsive. Seina blinked in confusion. Why was he just standing there, motionless? Why wasn't he bragging and jeering, as usual?

"Husband?" Lilha asked in concern.

Lothaire's body jerked uncontrollably, foam gathering around his mouth. He stumbled forward, each step clumsy and awkward. With a strangled gurgle, the vampire king toppled forwards, landing in the fighter's pit. His body jerked several more times before stopping to a halt. Dead.

"No, has he overused his power?" Lilha's voice barely rose above a whisper. Her eyes were wide in horror and disbelief.

Siena blinked. "Eh?”

[falloutforties]

Five Years {Chapter Two}

Description: Nora meets some new friends, and encounters some of the worst creatures the wasteland has to offer. But it’s no big deal, really. Lemons into lemonade, right?

Warnings: Again, no real warnings for this chapter aside from language and some violence. 

Note from the Author: This story is also on ao3, if you’d rather read it there, but I will continue to post it here as well! Writing and publishing this story has given me something exciting to do during quarantine, so I hope that someone sees it and also finds some excitement.

II. BAD RADS

From the second she hit the ground, she decisively ignored the pang in the soles of her feet and sprinted across the mottled street, dodging upturned cars and pieces of unsettled tar that littered the road. The thing was moving fast, faster than she would ever have imagined, sweeping great gusts of wind across the city as it moved.

It was beautiful in an incredibly terrifying way, she had to give it that. If it were stuffed and displayed behind a glass case in a museum, she would have gawked at it, but it wasn’t stuffed, its heart was still beating, and she was losing stamina.

“Fuck it!” She shouted and hoisted the mini-gun onto her hip with a wretched groan. Everything she did hurt her physically, but the thought of being ripped limb from limb by the creature seemed to hurt more, so she suffered the massive bruise that would certainly grow from her hip bone into her ribcage where the mini-gun sat spinning idly.

“RED BUTTON!” Screamed Garvey from the museum’s balcony. “THERE’S A RED BUTTON! PRESS THE RED BUTTON! RED BUTTON!”

He kept repeating it, over and over, and it took her mind a few seconds to process before she spotted it, and the mini-gun began to whir at a frightening pace. As it heated up, the creature lunged towards her with the bloody debris of a raider stuck between its teeth and on its horns, dripping bits of lung onto the street. She could have vomited, but there was no time. She would have to reschedule.

“GET FUCKED, YOU SLIMY BASTARD!” If her plan didn’t work, she would have looked foolish screaming such harsh words just before getting ripped apart. They would have been excellent last words, but they wouldn’t look very pretty printed on a marble tombstone. Much to her surprise, and the aesthetic benefit of her epitaph, the gun began firing right into the monster’s chest, finally sending it sprawling out across the street.

As the ringing in her ears died, she watched the monster’s enormous chest heave ragged breaths as it died. The mini-gun still spun in front of her, ready in case the monster had a friend, but the streets grew an eerie quiet that replaced the ringing with a stale, audible silence.

“Fucking shit, fuck, fuck, shit, fucking fuck,” she muttered. The mini-gun finally gave way and crashed into the gravel beneath her as her knees buckled, sending her face-forward into the rubble. She heard Garvey’s feet hit the pavement and the frantic calls of Sturges behind him.

“I’m fine, guys,” she assured. In her mind, she was waving her hand at them as a sign of life, but her physical body was unaware of her intentions as it lay limp and crumpled like a rag doll. “Don’t worry, I’m alive. Just a little tired. Just gonna take a little nap here, right on the road. No worries, no worries.”

“Get her off the ground, Sturges, we’ve got to get her inside.”

“I’m on it, boss.”

She felt Sturges’s roughened hands scoop beneath her armpits, hoisting her from her pathetic position into his arms. She vaguely understood that this was the first real human contact she had in so long, but she couldn’t help but feel embarrassed by it. She imagined Nate’s face, scornfully watching her as another man carried her to safety.

“Thank you,” she said as she was set on a cushion on the lobby’s floor. The Minutemen surrounded her, watching to see if her eyes would shut permanently. “I’m fine, folks. Don’t worry about me.”

“That was some show, ma’am. I’ve been handling a gun as long as I can remember, but I don’t think I would last that long against a Deathclaw.”

“Is that what it’s called? Man. I guess that makes sense, though.”

“Never seen a Deathclaw before?”

“Nah, never had the pleasure,” she intoned with a dreamy smile. Nora was just happy to be alive, even if it meant she might live to see another Satan-Lizard hybrid. The sight of Preston Garvey sat in front of her with a concerned expression on his kind face made her swell with pride, and Sturges posted by the front door made her feel safe. She liked the wastelanders. She liked all the people she’d met— she even liked the raiders, in a weird way. Everyone was plucky and happy to just be alive.

“Once you’re feeling up to it, you ought to come with us. We heard of an old neighborhood close by that would make a good spot for a settlement. Sanctuary Hills. Appropriate name, huh?”

“Are you sure this is a good idea, Garvey?” Marcy questioned from her place against the far wall. “We might be safer holed up in this place.”

“We’ll never know unless we try. Sanctuary might be exactly the kind of place we need.”

“Sanctuary will be good for you,” Nora interrupted, and Garvey turned to her in surprise. “I used to live there. Before the war, that is.”

“The war? What war?”

“The war. It’s a long story. I’ll tell you when I’m not at death’s doorstep, but I think Sanctuary Hills would be a perfect home for the Minutemen.”

She closed her eyes and pictured the little settlement in her mind, but for the first time, she saw it as it was, the wrecked little suburban paradise that sat just below the looming hill of Vault 111. She saw the skeletons of houses and the spindly arms of irradiated trees that grew through the empty windows. She saw the empty beds, the dirty halls, the rusted doorframes. And she saw life in that. She saw Preston Garvey stepping lively down the neighborhood streets at night with his hands in his pockets, whistling a song no one knew the name of. She saw Marcy and Jun huddled together in bed on a cold night, listening to the crickets chirp in the woods outside.

There was life in Sanctuary Hills. It was hidden in the darkened corners of ruined houses, but it was there, and it was perhaps even more meaningful than before the war.

“Alright then. Everyone rest up. By morning, we’ll move on to Sanctuary Hills.”

On the afternoon of the next day, she sat cross-legged on the floor of her Sanctuary home, where she once would have kneeled on the sticky plasticky linoleum, scrubbing at grout because the Hawthorne’s were coming over for Sunday brunch the next day, and they would be keenly inspecting the grout.

Recently, she had been practicing a train-of-thought exercise in which she let her thoughts go wherever they wanted. Most times, she kept a strict adherence to thought-rules. She couldn’t afford to think with too much sentimentality or hope, because the word no longer conformed to such things, but she allowed herself moments of wildness when she felt that her feelings could no longer be restricted to the dusty back corners of her head.

My brain hurt like a warehouse, it had no room to spare. I had to cram so many things to store everything in there.

She wondered where she would be in five years, and for the first time, she seemed to notice that her prescience did not extend to the rest of the year, even. She would just have to wait and see the next morning, and then the next, and the next, until she woke up and knew she would die.

Assuming she would be alive in five years, would she have wasted away? Turned to chems in her misery, taking hits of jet between grand Nietzschean thoughts about the meaninglessness of life? Would she succumb to the horrors of radiated life, her skin beginning to pool in rough gauntlets down to the tips of her fingers?

I do have to admit— being irradiated enough to glow green would look cool as fuck.

Fuck, fuck. FUCK.

She loved swearing. Even in her head, it felt liberating. Before the bombs fell, she had never once swore aloud, much less for people to hear. The language of the wasteland was beautifully rough, and she loved hearing even the most profane raiders spit vitriol at her, even as she shot back from behind an old Gunner’s barrier.

“FUCK!” She yelled out loud, with a smile. She wasn’t sure if Codsworth heard her, or if he was appalled at her sudden outburst of foul language, but she didn’t care. He would understand.

She wondered errantly if he was programmed graciously enough to be able to swear so violently himself.

If Codsworth said ‘fuck’, that would make this whole thing worth it, I think.

It had been three weeks since she had pulled herself from that damned vault, and so far, she had to give the Nuclear Apocalypse credit. It had really done a number on good ole Planet Earth, and it was certainly creative in its exploits.

Two-headed cows? Beautiful, brilliant, exceptional storytelling. Conceptually, it was all very nice. In practice? She thought it could do better.

Three weeks out of cryogenic storage, and the worst the wasteland had done to her thus far was get a switchblade stuck in her leg, which she in turn stuck into a raider’s leg. She was turning radioactive lemons into radioactive lemonade, and it was spicy in ways that lemonade shouldn’t be, but at least she wasn’t dead.

“Mum,” Codsworth interrupted her train of thought as he meandered into the living room. He had a few spots of rust on him now, an addition she was sure would infuriate him if she knew whether he was able to see himself in a mirror.

He’s not a vampire, he’s a robot. Of course he can see himself in a mirror. Just like he can see me.

“Hi, Codsworth,” she replied. She stood up from the floor and her joints creaked. That was a fun new problem that came with being over 200 years old, she had discovered. Her joints now sounded like the sputtering of an old car engine. She wasn’t built for this apocalypse business.

“Your friends from Concord have arrived, and their leader requests your presence.”

“Thank you, Codsworth.”

She wiped a stray tear from her eye that she hadn’t been aware of prior and headed towards the door to see her new ragtag group of friends making their way across the bridge to Sanctuary Hills, the Red Rocket Truck Stop looming behind them.

She hadn’t been completely useless in her three weeks in the wasteland. In fact, Nora was quite proud of herself. She had always wondered if she would survive in one of those tacky zombie movies that ran on weekends on Channel 42— “The Commonwealth’s Home for All Things Sci-Fi and Horror!”— and now she knew for a fact that she would survive.

In three weeks, Nora had restored the necessary parts of her old Sanctuary home, given her old robot butler a dusty bowler hat, traveled to Concord, beat the Ever-Loving Shit out of some giant glowing cockroaches, fought a Satanic Lizard, and met a really cool dog. The dog was now sleeping in a little red doghouse she had moved to her front lawn.

She had always wanted a dog. Having a baby, Nora had once thought, would be a gateway drug to getting a dog. That was Pro #4 on her list of Pros and Cons of baby-having. Now, she could have a dog, totally baby-free.

Take that, Nate.

As soon as Preston stood square-shouldered before the first house on the street, a menacing roar of thunder split the sky, and nauseous yellow clouds rolled in over the horizon. Nora wanted to think that it looked like the end of the world, but the apocalypse had already happened. This was just another awful thing she would have to live through.

She stood up and gazed at the sky under the shade of her palm as Garvey approached.

“Radstorm coming,” he mentioned casually.

“Radstorm?”

“Radiation storm. Bad news for anyone without a gas mask.”

“Radiation storm,” she muttered under her breath. “Of course there are radiation storms. What do people typically do during a radiation storm?”

“Stay inside, if you can. In your case, I would recommend getting a good sleep. You don’t look so good.”

“You sure you don’t need my help?” She asked, praying that the answer was no, but she couldn’t bring herself to go to sleep without at least asking. Damned maternal instincts.

Preston chuckled, “No, you go ahead to sleep, ma’am. You’ve already done more than we could ask for.”

Nora wondered if she would be able to sleep in her old bed. She hadn’t even tried, opting always for the Hawthorne’s old queen bed, now doubly-stuffed with Bloatfly larvae in the seems. Every time she walked into her old bedroom, she had to walk down the hall, and when she walked down the hall, she had to walk by Shaun’s room.

The child haunted her in so many ways, and she decided, after breaking out of a high-security vault and killing a Deathclaw in the middle of Concord, perhaps she was more able than she thought. She was going to find that child. Shaun was going to come home.

[corellian-smuggler]

Follow

Han wasn’t much for parties. In fact, he’d struggled to mask his dread when Leia had informed him of the Halloween Ball they were to attend. Usually her events were formal, stiff, and political—he had to make conversation with all kinds of dignitaries he didn’t want to engage, was interrogated about his views on militaristic and humanitarian issues by people who were clearly trying to expose some kind of suspected ignorance, grilled on things on which Leia worked or for which she advocated like they were trying to get him to slip up and oppose her.

But as he and Leia keyed into their apartment at the end of the night, Han couldn’t deny the party hadn’t been like that at all. Hosted by General Rieekan for New Republic military personnel and their families, the gathering had mostly just been a bunch of rank and file getting drunk and dancing. The Rogues were all there, Luke, Lando; even Chewie had agreed to come.

“No costume for you, Chewie?” Leia had smiled as they’d found him by the buffet. The Wookiee had turned to her.

“[I have come to the party as a Walking Carpet, Little Princess.]”

Han chuckled again to remember Leia’s look of horror, opening her mouth, contrite, clearly remembering, before noticing Chewie’s sparkling eyes and suppressed laughter.

“I told you we would have fun,” Leia murmured as they shut their door behind them. They stood together in the dark entryway, buzzed, happy. Leia had dressed for the evening as a figure from Alderaanian mythology—Minna, a witch-goddess who roamed the forests of the mountains, enchanting travelers, guiding the pure of heart through the misty paths and leading the wicked to their dooms. In her hair she wore a crown of golden leaves and white branches, and her body was draped with flowing silver fabric that seemed to glisten like fresh snow beneath a winter moon. She had dusted her skin with shimmering silver glitter.

Han had been transfixed by her appearance. All night it had been torture, to want her so badly. Watching her laugh, pink-faced and carefree, as she’d danced the Corellian Shuffle with Wedge and Lando, trying to teach Luke the steps. How Han had stood to the side, grinning, watching her. Slide to the left. Slide to the right. At first Han had been chuckling, seeing the kid’s stumbling attempts to learn, watching the Rogues make fun, seeing Leia’s patient instruction. But once Luke got the hang of it and Leia had simply allowed herself to have fun with the dance, Han had found himself staring as though at an actual goddess, as she swayed and jumped, her face lively and flushed, her joy almost childlike in a way he was sure she hadn’t been since before the Death Star, and the way she moved—hell, the way she moved. Her natural rhythm and grace mesmerizing, her silver dress and glittery skin gleaming, the shape and movement of her body in her enthralling costume highlighted under the flashing party lights. Not inherently sexual, but Han had intel that others did not—he was able to connect her panting breath and abandoned exertion with her breathless, gasping pleasure. Watching how she moved her hips there on the dance floor when he knew just how she moved them when he was inside her.

Hell.

And then, as the song had continued, how her eyes had landed on him. How even as she’d jumped and danced and laughed with her friends, she’d sought him, locked her gaze on him. She’d smiled a bright smile, and then he’d watched her make up her mind. Grin slanting sultry, she’d held up her hand and crooked one finger, beckoning. He couldn’t hear her over the pounding music but he’d been able to read her lips, Come dance with me, Flyboy.

As a rule Han didn’t dance but how could he have refused? Her gleaming eyes, her obvious exhilaration, her hopeful anticipation and her desire for him, specifically, to be with her in that moment.

Just as a traveler drawn to Minna in the Alderaanian woods of ancient days, so was Han drawn to Leia there at that kriffing party, his feet carrying him towards her, a man bewitched, but he had had no thoughts of fighting it. He was willingly ensnared.

“It’s the Corellian Shuffle, hotshot,” Leia had told him breathlessly. “I know you know the steps.”

He did know the steps, though he’d never before been so inclined as to perform them, but there with Leia it was the most appealing thing in the galaxy. He’d held her hands as was custom, swaying with her to the beat of the music, deriving some kind of primal satisfaction to see Leia’s eyes light up with surprise and pleasure as he’d danced the steps with precision and competence.

The hours had stretched on and he’d danced with her some more, and though they never danced too erotically it was erotic just to watch her, to move with her, to put his hands on her waist or hips. They did “cauldron shots” with Luke and Janson, accepted countless pieces of candy from big bowls passed round and round, and at the end of the night Han realized he’d had fun.

When was the last time any of them had had so much fun?

Now in their dark foyer Han felt full to bursting with disbelief, and happiness, and gratefulness, and desire. And he couldn’t believe his dumb luck. Few years before he’d been slumming some shady cantinas, smuggling to survive, hard and cynical. Now here he was going to New Republic Halloween balls with the love of his life, and returning to their home in the early morning to make love after a night of hilarity and camaraderie and longing.

“Are you gonna enchant me now?” Han asked, reaching for her. Leia leaned into him so immediately that he knew she’d been craving this as badly as he had been. Their relationship had changed since Endor—they were so used to each other now, and Han was sometimes stunned to find himself domestic, to find himself settled into a routine. A lifemate, an apartment, and plans for more. But no matter how many months passed, he never tired of it, and no matter how many times they made love, it was never enough for him.

He imagined he’d spend the rest of his life wanting her, and now in the privacy of their home, he let his hands roam lower than they had at the party, over her hips, the swell of her ass beneath the clinging fabric of her costume.

He was tempted to love her right there in the foyer.

“Me? Aren’t you the one who’s supposed to lead me off in a trance, Flyboy?” she laughed, arching a brow. Han grinned a rueful smile, lifting a hand to his jaw. He’d gone as a vampire to the party, figuring a dumb cape and fake fangs would be easy enough to endure. But the cape had felt ridiculous, not his style—more Lando’s scene—so he’d left it on a chair while they’d danced. Then the teeth had made it hard to kiss Leia, to drink the shots and eat the candy, so he’d chucked those too. Nothing was left of his costume now other than the lines of fake red blood Leia had painted from the corners of his mouth, and the white shirt with its big collar.

Han wanted to say that he’d already been entranced all night, that it was she who held all the power. But Han knew that he held power over her, too, that she matched his devotion in its entirety, and the way she was leaning into him, looking up at him, dark eyes glimmering, biting her lip and clutching his big dumb vampire collar, he knew that tonight she wanted him to take the lead. The thought set his already pounding heart racing: the reality of her in his arms, wanting to play, their breathless banter that would lead them into the bedroom, the knowledge that it aroused her to think of him seducing her like some character in a holo.

“A trance, huh? That work on goddesses? Or, Jedi?”

Leia huffed a startled laugh.

“I’m no Jedi.”

The feel of her against him, the heat of her through her clothes, and the intensity of her gaze became too much for Han. He bowed his head to press his lips against the side of her neck, leaving a trail of soft kisses along her jaw and throat. He felt Leia tremble and felt a wave of powerful gratification and yearning wash over him. Han smiled softly against her skin, holding her closer, and nodding as he felt her fingers slide into his hair.

“Not denying the goddess part?” he smirked. No matter what she answered Han was determined to make her feel like one tonight, and her response was a low moan as he continued to kiss her neck, nuzzling and pecking softly.

“Spent all night thinking about this,” he admitted as she tilted her head for him. “Want you so bad.”

Gently he used his teeth on her, taking care not to bite too hard but hard enough that it might have left a mark. He held it for just a moment, and then used his tongue and lips on the same spot, sucking and soothing where he’d bitten. He didn’t know if she was thinking about vampires and trances and him having his way with her, but she whimpered and clutched him to her, breathed oh so dreamily that he thought maybe she was in a trance after all. For his part he figured that his having his way with her was also her having her way with him, given how perfectly their desires and need aligned. That she was getting her way if he had his way with her.

Suddenly Leia rose onto her toes and drew him to her mouth so forcefully that Han almost fell over. With a startled huff of breath he lifted her in his arms, thrumming as she kissed him as though drinking from him. He turned and pressed her back against the door, her legs around his waist, his hands gripping under her ass and strong thighs, and they both groaned with relief and desire.

Eventually, when their kisses were positively feverish, he wrenched away from the door and moved blindly through their apartment until they were falling together into bed, still grasping at one another, still kissing even as they fell.

It was Han who drew away first, and he felt his breath leave him as he looked down at her.

“Kriff,” he murmured, touching her hip. Stretched out before him on their bed, the shape of her body accentuated by her gown, Leia was impossibly beautiful to him. The low light from passing speeders that filtered through their bedroom windows shone on the iridescent fabric of her dress and on her silver painted glitter, limning the full curves of her breasts, the slopes of her ribs and abdomen, and her lush hips in blue and purple.

He must have looked speechless, for Leia’s smile was mischievous and knowing as she reached for the neck of her gown and pulled it down, freeing her arms and pushing the gleaming material down to her waist. The sight of her laid out before him, breasts bare and luminous in the dimness, chest rising and falling as rapidly as his own... Fuck. Then Leia ran her hands over herself, from her stomach up over her ribs and the rosy peaks of her breasts, and Han heard himself make a plaintive sound of want. Her hands came to rest on the pillow to either side of her head, palms up, fingers relaxed, and as every time they were together Han felt he had never wanted her so badly.

For a moment neither of them moved, both watching the other, gazes roaming hungrily. After imagining this all night, it was both enflaming and torturous to look down at her, the sight so sexy he felt himself aching, and her precious trust in him so obvious his heart throbbed.

“Han,” Leia breathed at last, and their inaction ended. Han frantically pulled her costume the rest of the way off, divested her of her panties and the crown while she tore at his shirt and yanked at his belt. Then Leia was sinking her teeth into his neck as he had done to her, Han’s groan fierce and needful as she nipped and kissed and sucked as he had before, her intent and passion obvious, possessive and unrestrained. Wild together in bed, marking one another with mouths and teeth, their loving was almost ferocious. Han laved at Leia’s breasts, her belly. She arched under him as he moved above her, her legs around his waist, then gasped and moaned on hands and knees, until finally she was moving in his lap, their arms around each other, hands both caressing and yet demanding, lips reverent and yet devouring at each other’s throats and shoulders and collarbones.

When they finally finished they remained entwined, Leia’s thighs on either side of him, her hips rocking the barest amount, nerves still jumping with the last currents of pleasure, and Han held her tight as she whimpered against his neck, his fingers in her damp hair, his body still within hers. Overcome, Han whispered desperately how he loved her, couldn’t believe her, wanted her still.

Her silver glitter was smudged all over him. Her mouth, the pale column of her neck, her breasts and swollen nipples were stained scarlet from his painted-on blood.

Drawing away to behold her sitting astride him, the color high in her cheeks, hearing her hum of satisfaction as he trailed his fingertips down her back, Han could only utter Sweetheart.

“Your vampire bride?” she mused shakily, tracing lines over the backs of his arms, over his chest.

Han nodded, drawing her closer to kiss her again.

“I like the sound of that,” he agreed, mouth at her neck once more.

Halloween night was over, the sun beginning to rise on a new day, as Han laid Leia down on their rumpled sheets once more—a vampire having his way with a human woman or a humble mortal worshipping a goddess, it didn’t matter to Han. He would do any of it, all of it, for as long as she wanted him to. As he bent to kiss the hot center of her body with the fleeting thought that she was sweeter than any Halloween candy and more intoxicating than any cauldron shot, it struck Han how truly Leia was the goddess she had dressed as. Not in any way that removed her from her own humanity. But she was a protector of the innocent and the righteous, and the demise and dread of evil. A force. And how he had been, truly, under her spell from the moment they’d met—lured, caught, following her, unbeknownst to him, all along. He would follow her anywhere, he knew: into a treacherous forest from some Alderaanian myth, into battle against ten thousand stormtroopers, into a hundred Death Stars.

Into a Halloween party.

Into the deep intimacy they now shared.

Sucking and licking over the tender flesh at the slick crux of her, Han guided her legs over his shoulders, resolved to make her come again, and awed, as he often was, by the knowledge that Leia would follow him anywhere, too.

[jojotier]

God i love writing horror. The TMA Statement Format was MAde for me. 

Anyway here’s the first half of this “vampire eating monster” statement I’m writing for this fic. Statement of Emily Hawthorne, the vampire that took her home, and her newfound craving for human blood

Statement Begins

I really shouldn’t have gone out that night, you know? It was all over the news since Monday; some storm being sensationalized as the one of the century, the thing that was set to drown London out. The one storm to rule them all. It was going to be rainy and awful and not at all suited for bar hopping in the slightest.

I should have stayed home and made something hot for mum. I should have gone out to gather more blankets if I were to have gone out at all, since da’s bones get right tetchy whenever it rains. I should have had a night in and done what I was supposed to do, but my brother took me by the shoulders and insisted I go out. “It’s always rainy in bloody fucking London anyway,” Tommy had said, turning his nose up when I tried to very sensibly tell him about the storm that was set to come. “What’s another little shower?”

I tried to protest with everything I had to stay in- I didn’t have anything to wear, and I didn’t know if my makeup was at its expiration date yet, and even if I wanted to go I didn’t have a single other person to go with- but my brother just batted them all off and helped me do my hair. I hadn’t really had a night off since my father’s hip surgery, and with so many of my friends going into full time nursing, I haven’t had the time to reconnect with anyone. Tommy’s always been a worrywart, in his own little way- runs in the family, I’m told- so I suppose this was his way of trying to help me ‘loosen up’.

Tommy took over watching our parents for the night and all but shoved me out of the house, demanding that I make myself a new friend or, barring that, some fun mistakes to tell him about. I wasn’t really able to tell him that that really wasn’t up to me, since he’d already closed the door before I could protest. I was left outside, wearing clothes I hadn’t tried to squeeze myself into in some five odd years, under the bulbous grey sky.

What else was there to do after that? While I was still irked by my big brother’s impulsive takeover of the house, I couldn’t deny that some part of me was a little… relieved, when I walked down the street to the nearest place. It’s… a little selfish of me, I realize, and I really do feel a little bad! But... it’d been so long since I had some time to myself that, well. I figured that this was as good a time as any to take it. I would complain about it the entire way via text to my brother, but in some respects, I was looking forward to it.

The Grey Phlox was a gay bar relatively close to my house, though I still felt the walk on the way over due to my heels. It’s a cozy little hole in the wall, rare for the likes of Chelsea; it was also the only relatively inexpensive bar in the area, also rare for Chelsea. It was still a little pricey, but I wasn’t about to break the bank by ordering a few rounds for myself, so I settled in to have a little drink.

One little drink became several not so little drinks, and before long, I was starting to push into the territory of being a little tipsy. The lights on the dance floor shone in soft palettes of magenta and violet that cast the indistinct faces of the surprisingly plentiful crowd in hues of mauve, of iris and mixed berry drinks that bled together at the edges. It wasn’t helped by the slight blur of my vision or the vague tingling in the back of my brain, throbbing without pain in time with the club music and the loud banter of some guys sat at the bar beside me, hooting at some joke about stuffy bosses.

I was sat backwards on a bar stool, back leaning against the edge of the counter as I nursed some kind of raspberry cocktail I couldn’t tell you the name of if I tried, when I saw her. She was bobbing and weaving through the bodies on the dancefloor, so fluid that I wasn’t sure if I was looking at a real person or a dream. That dreamlike quality only grew when we locked eyes; hers lit pale red by the purple lights skimming across her skin, intent, framed by black curls cut with lavender. She smiled at me then, and a shudder ran down my spine that had nothing to do with the alcohol.

I had another drink. I was through half of a second- for that round; the real number must have been closer to five or six- when she finally sidled up beside me, dark red painted lips still curled in that coy little smile. It’s… odd to realize, now, after the fact. I never saw her open her mouth once during the ensuing conversation. I don’t know why I didn’t notice at the time as she was flirting, speaking sly and getting me a little bothered under the collar of my sleeveless dress- it should have been obvious that her voice was coming from somewhere other than her mouth. 

I suppose I was too buzzed at the time to realize. Whatever the case, by the time I did realize, it was far too late. 

She introduced herself as Rose Thornback and we bantered a bit about the last names- a Hawthorne and a Thornback, what were the odds- and she slid her fingers into mine. They were cool to the touch, with the pinpricks of her nails- nails too sharp, too refined to a black painted point to be human- digging into the palm of my hand.

She asked me to come home with her. I said yes.

I stumbled through the streets along after her, hair sticking to my back and shoulders with the rain that poured over us, but I didn’t care. I thought I was being propositioned by a pretty girl looking to have a good time; it didn’t cross my mind to ask her about the nails. I guess I just assumed they were fake in some way- acrylic. Easily removed, when things really got going.

As I was tugged along through increasingly narrower alleyways, the dingy brick on either side of my periphery blurring into smears of greyscale around me, I realized that more and more of my partner for the night seemed fake.

Her nails seemed fake, but not plastic, like what would have been expected- they felt like sanded down talons, set into her nails on human-like nail beds that were just a little too white around the edges. Her eyes were unnaturally bright, but not in the way of halloween contacts or eyes lit by the passing streetlamps should have been bright; they were bright in the way of something almost but not quite human, with some kind of extra layer behind them, reflecting and refracting with muscular movements that bulged just the slightest bit under the surface of her cornea.

There came a moment when I realized we’d stepped out of the rain. It was storming as badly as anything outside, thundering so loudly that I thought my brain was rattling in my ears. What had been a fun buzz was giving was to peals of nausea that made the room spin. I told Rose I wanted to sit down. Just for a moment. Before we did anything, I just needed the slightest moment.

She let me step back and lean against the cracked concrete wall, catching my breath. I only realized, after a moment of my eyes roving the room, that I didn’t know where I was. Wherever it was, it was run down; it was abandoned in a way that could only be described as “forsaken”, walls stained with faded graffiti that marked it as a room that not even fledgling artists wanted to spread their craft in. Streaks of off white and blue decorated the rubble of a partially caved in wall, letting in streams of rattling water that made a constellation of lakes in the far corner. It was much cleaner than what would have been expected; clean in the way that suggested it was lived in. That it was familiar to someone, despite the lack of bed or table.

In the middle of the room stood Rose, watching me. Her eyes, hazel and staring, pierced through me like two stakes to the brain. There was no smile on her face anymore. 

There was only a mouth full of teeth.

(To be continued....)

[bruhhemianrhapsody]

jasper’s ultimate mcu fic rec! (pt.2)

shuri’s harem:

★ undertow *incomplete by lilithenaltum

Words: 44,454, Rating: Explicit

I've been baptized by your voice that screams

From deep beneath the cold black water that's

Half as high as heaven

Half as clear as reason

part I: riptide (Chapters 1-5)

On the long list of bad decisions that Tony has made in his life, seducing the young queen of Wakanda might very well be the worst. It takes two to tango, though, and the rules never did apply to Shuri.

part II: hightide (Chapters 6-10)

Tony and Shuri live with the consequences of their actions and try to carve out some sort of happiness even in spite of the hell that they’ve made. Somehow, they manage to make do with the cards they’ve been dealt.

Set post Infinity War.

-

serendipity by lilthenaltum

Words: 5,589, Rating: T

Loki recovers from his fight with Thanos in Wakanda and finds love with not one, but two, beautiful people.

-

family portrait *incomplete by oopswakanda

Words: 10,441, Rating: T

Bucky remembers one rugby training weeks ago when he nearly went out of his mind because his teammates kept thirsting after his foster sister, including the team captain Steve Rogers. Pietro wondered how it would feel to spin Shuri in the air since she's so lithe. Bucky is also reminded of Sam's comment about Shuri being marriage material. Or Thor praising the way she radiates love and light and fun. To this day, this is the most dangerous comment to him because the blonde hearthrob said it with a longing that mirrored his own.

-

darling, i died for the sun rays *incomplete by rxinventlove (disclaimer! this one of my fics, and the only one that will ever be on this list.)

Words: 2,395, Rating: M

Natasha’s got nothing left, both SHIELD and the Red Room have long since fallen, and James is nothing but dust at her feet. What’s left of the Avengers are trying to pick up the pieces in the aftermath of Thanos’ destruction. Taking refuge in Wakanda, Natasha agrees to help in whatever way she can, but falling in love with the newly crowned Queen doesn’t seem to be helping anyone; least of all Natasha herself.

While Shuri struggles to balance an entire kingdom on her shoulders and desperately tries to bring her brother back, she finds safety in the arms of the infamous Black Widow. Secret meetings and stolen moments in quiet corners slowly become more than just a coping mechanism, but when Shuri’s sure the final tendrils of grief are fading Natasha starts to pull away from her. As the last of Earth’s mightiest heroes finally start making headway in reversing the snap, Shuri must deal with the return of Bucky Barnes—both of the girls former lover—and a steadily retreating Natasha.

—

winterhawk (clint/bucky):

★ lost and found by mariana_oconner

Words: 89,972, Rating: M

Clint Barton’s got a bag full of stolen money and a burning desire to stay under the radar. His old friends in the Carnival will be looking for him and they sure as hell won’t be happy. In a desperate attempt to stay off their radar, he ends up in Timely, a small town so far off the beaten track he’s surprised he even found it, and waits for Barney to comes and get him. Because Barney will be coming. Clint knows he will.

But there’s something about the town. Maybe it’s the strange wolf that watches him from the trees, and the way people finish conversations when he enters a room. Or it could be the bartender, Bucky, who decided to hate him on sight. Something’s going on in this small town, and Clint’s not sure if he’s jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire.

-

love pitch by bookdancer

Words: 21,980, Rating: T

Clint is a starting pitcher for the Manhattan Avengers, Bucky Barnes is a rival pitching for the St. Petersburg Hydras. Any sort of relationship should be impossible… too bad nobody told them that. Winterhawk MLB AU.

-

★ historic features by flawedamythyst

Words: 19,254, Rating: T

“Electrical surges with no source, and music coming from the air, and that damn baseball game no one was watching, and I swear I sometimes hear voices right on the edge of hearing when I should be alone,” said Tony. “What does that sound like to you?”

“Sounds like-” said Steve, then hesitated. Tony gave him a pointed look. “Sounds like a haunting,” he finished, reluctantly.

“Oh no,” said Clint, in tones of mock-horror. “Ghosts!”

Bucky laughed and kissed him. “Man, I hope they’re friendly.”

Clint and Bucky are haunting the new apartment that Tony bought in Brooklyn to try and impress Steve.

—

★ nobody lost, nobody found *incomplete by claraxbarton

Words: 73,342, Rating: E

“Look, dude, I get it. You’re fucked-up. HYDRA fucked you up. I’ve been there. But you’re my fucking Soul Mate!”

“I can kill you. I could kill you without even realizing what I was doing. I’m not fucked-up, I’m a monster. I’m a nightmare. You can’t be here. You can’t- All the people I’ve killed- I will not murder my Soul Mate too. Not after everything else I’ve-”

Clint worked his left hand between their bodies and managed to land a punch to the man’s right side, forcing him to shift his weight, and Clint brought his right hand down on the place where the man’s metal arm met his torso - hidden by the shirt he wore, but on full display in the video Clint had watched.

The man released Clint with a grunt of pain, and Clint pressed his advantage, landing another punch to his abdomen, backing him up against the opposite side of the RV and then pressing the kitchen knife he had pocketed while cleaning up earlier to the man’s throat.

“Like I said, I’m not a Boy Scout. I’m plenty dangerous myself. We clear on that?”

OR:

This looks bad, because it is.

OR:

How Clint Barton met his Soul Mate

—

miscellaneous:

★ loki is sorry cakes by anno_hreog (gen)

Words: 3,427, Rating: T

Years later, as penance for leading the Chitauri to attack New York City, Loki bakes cupcakes. Coffeeshop/bakery AU, without the AU, and mostly an excuse for fluffy crack.

-

★ the lewis rule (MARRY, FUCK, KILL) *series by sevenfoxes (darcy lewis/steve rogers, darcy lewis/steve rogers/bucky barnes)

Words: 15,374, Works: 2, Complete: Yes, Rating: M

The ladies of SHIELD play a mass game of MARRY FUCK KILL, Avengers edition.

Wherein everyone marries Steve, kills Tony, Jane betrays science and Darcy hypothetically turns Thor into a llama.

-

on each other’s team by audreyii_fic (jane foster/loki)

Words: 27,110, Rating: E

Jane Foster, college student on a semester abroad in London, fights her way through Philosophy of Quantum Mechanics, dates a golden boy, and gets tutored by a compulsive liar. Which situation is most unsustainable is a matter of opinion. (College!AU. The author regrets everything.)

-

is that what they listen to in missouri? by poorwendy (peter quill/thor)

Words: 12,017, Rating: E

The thing is, Peter always kind of thought he'd visit Terra again to find his family, retrace his lineage. Something like that.

But here he is, in a dirty, smelly basement, nowhere near Missouri, watching a three-piece rock band play way too loud. Even if they are kind of awesome.

-

of blood and kisses by celyan (chris hemsworth/tom hiddleston)

Words: 4,134, Rating: T

Tom does not believe in vampires.

—— The vampire walks towards him, slow and purposeful, and Tom backs away against a conveniently located wall of a building that has spat out its diligent workers hours ago, only to be left cold and dark and empty just for them. He keeps his eyes trained on the vampire even when one of his hands comes up to touch the side of his neck, finding the two tiny puncture marks that are his souvenirs from that fateful evening two weeks ago.

-

how we swallow the sun by voices_in_my_head (loki/stephen strange)

Words: 25,558, Rating: T

“I was hoping I wouldn’t see you back so soon,” Strange said just as Loki had crossed the threshold. He was standing in the middle of the entrance and Loki could feel power in him, but it was different from that which he was used to. More… raw, perhaps.

“I do live to disappoint,” Loki said with a smile.

Or: After deciding to stay on Earth, Loki is forced to come to terms with his actions while trying to deal with the people in his life, old and new.

-

★ oral sorcery by inetrabang (peter quil/gamora)

Words: 3,900, Rating: E

During a mission for Nova Corps, Peter starts whispering naughty things to Gamora, only to act like nothing happened. Fortunately for him, she likes it.

-

takes from a supply closet *series by catrinasl (bucky barnes/darcy lewis/loki)

Words: 7,049, Works: 4, Complete: No, Rating: E

A collection of Darcy/Bucky/Loki fics set in the same universe. Not necessarily in chronological order.

-

★ mokusatsu by shadesfalcon (clint barton/bucky barnes/steve rogers)

Words: 125,474, Rating: E

Clint Barton has been strung along from abusive relationship to abusive relationship all his life. Not that he would use the word “abusive”. He would argue that, as a sub, he was born to take whatever it is his dom feels like throwing at him.

But even with that attitude, he’s nervous about his current situation. Trapped in a bureaucratically mandated relationship with not one but two doms is going to be difficult and dangerous. Especially since these two doms are both members of the Avengers themselves.

He hopes that whenever he disappoints them, they’ll have at least a little pity on him, even though he knows he won’t deserve it.

[peanutdracolich]

Peanut Dracolich Watches (Hammer) Horror: The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires

I don’t know if it’s really the first kung fu horror spectacular; Mr. Vampire and Chinese Ghost Story are the kung fu horror spectaculars I am familiar with and come from the 80s. Still the film promises a dumb (it was mid 70s Hammer and a mid 70s kung fu film) kung fu flick with vampires and some horror trappings, and it delivers exactly that.

It’s a B movie. It’s a dumb, but enjoyable, little low impact, low investment film. You watch it to see Grand Moff Tarkin (well he became the Grand Moff 4 years later) thrown into a kung fu movie. It is at a functional level for that. Ultimately it gives what it promises and does it well enough. It doesn’t give more, it doesn’t give something quite different, and it doesn’t make promises it can’t keep. There are disappointing aspects, but it feels like Hammer Horror made a 70s kung fu film and if you’re watching it you probably know what that means to expect; you hopefully know what to expect with Hammer Horror at least.

Overall I’d say it’s a film worth watching if you know you enjoy that sort of dumb, obviously fake sets, weapons that are just as fake, and kung fu fighting from when it was a lot slower typically. If you don’t enjoy old B movies, or don’t enjoy them unless they’re truly horrible, don’t watch it.

Good/Bad/Ugly and play by play after the cut.

The Good:

The Premise: This is why you’re watching the film and it delivers it at the expected B movie scale.

The Heroines: Are relatively strong and independent characters for the type of film. They are not super strong and independent and I’m pretty sure they never directly talk to each other, but I can only remember 3 of the 8 guys talking at all. They both get damsel moments, but... one of them still fights better than most of the guys in the film and the other one is the non-combatant that demanded to go vampire hunting.

Gratuitous Boobies: The film enjoys showing extras’ breasts when it has an excuse to. If you enjoy that in a film, it’s here. And as the later Hammer Horror films got known more for sexploitation (I haven’t watched many of the later ones but the internet tells me so) it’s the sort of thing that you should have been expecting going in.

The Bad:

Dracula: The actor lacks charisma and stage presence. He’s not just no Christopher Lee he’s one of the flattest and least interesting vampires I’ve seen. He also dies a pathetic death. Thankfully 7 other vampires who are more...

General Villain Incompetence: Oh for Orlok’s sake. So the golden vampires get some good stuff in by the end of the film and actually serve as a threat to our heroes, but their early showings are atrocious. They first show up having difficulty dealing with a limping farmer. If they hadn’t given him a limp the movie would have been noticeably better just because they were undercutting their main villains by doing so.

Gratuitous Boobies: The film enjoys showing extras’ breasts when it has an excuse to. I try to be accepting of it because... I do have a certain fascination with breasts, but it sometimes serves to take away from a scene and I wonder why the villains are so eager to rip their shirts. Apparently they want a good view as they sacrifice them.

The Ugly:

The Undead Soldiers: I actually think they were primarily women in theory, but the zombie soldiers were pretty ugly creatures and between their sound cue and general effects deserved a place in a far scarier movie. I probably actually ought to have put them in Good instead of Ugly but.

The Deaths: The vamps die ugly.

The Play by Play:

The last Hammer Horror Dracula film, and one without Christopher Lee in the role. However Peter Cushing is there as Van Helsing and the premise sounds hilarious. And having watched 13 horror movies in 13 days I need a bit of a break from scary. Still I feel guilty so I am watching it in the dark and will do my best to buy in and play along but... I expect to break down into a more humor filled enjoyment of a 61 year old Grand Moff performing martial arts stunts in a film that had the Shaw Brothers working on it.

You also may or may not get a full play by play. I'm tired of typing out scenes, though why is there a Chinese looking nativity scene sign near what appears to be Dracula's castle? The music is in theory passable, but the production value and the D on the coffin is a bit taking me out. Still I'm not trying to buy in much which hurts.

The Dracula just doesn't have the presence. When he speaks it's... he's not my Dracula. His approach is pretty good, too smooth and even for him to be walking. The music is also theoretically good, but the set just looks so set like.

Still the worst element is the disappointing Dracula. He has none of the charisma of Lee, or Lugosi, nor Gerald Butler in Dracula 2000, nor the vampire from The Brides of Dracula. What I'm saying is he has no charisma. Unlike the Chinese vampire cultist who ruled in the name of the titular 7 Golden Vampires. I mean he's still no Lee or Lugosi but he doesn't make me want to laugh more than the bat effects. So I am happy when he steals the Chinese guy's body, I am unhappy that he voices over the dude, but the voice works somewhat with the bombastic motions of the new body. It's an improvement. It's not scary, it's like a 70s Kung Fu flick, over the top and hammy, but hey it's different.

We are transported to 1904 China, and it feels like a Shaw Brother kung fu flick. Until we hear Cushing giving a lecture about Chinese legends and how some are just legend, and some are true at their heart. He of course then talks about a village threatened by vampires, and the poor limping farmer who rose to the task of protecting it. Apparently with a hoe. Sets are like something from a 70s Kung Fu flick (that is to say extremely fake). And I'm not really trying to buy in to the horror or even suspend my disbelief which honestly the film probably deserves some attempt but... Kung Fu Vampires. I will try to be better...

A bunch of women are tied to slabs around a pool of blood, and our vampire cultist is proceeding over it. There's a sense of horror here. Pacing is good. One of the girls is topless. The vampires look like wrinkled and rotten things. The effect there is good. His daughter is one of the girls. The scene is drawing on a little too slow. He's a limping farmer with a hoe and he's managed to release his daughter before they really react. He's a limping farmer without a hoe and he wounded a vampire and escaped. I'm sorry limping farmer beat on your vamps pretty effectively they lost some fear.

In the film's favor the golden skulled undead rising as reinforcement look pretty good.

Still things just aren't quite well enough put together for me to buy in. Still there is the sense of danger. Even so the limping farmer stole their mystic golden bat and placed it upon a shrine to a god and touching it causes the vampire to burst into flame even after they kill him. The music is actually effective, so is the army of the dead, but I just can't buy in; I may be a little inured at the moment.

After the story the Chinese historians he was lecturing mock him and say that he is trying to discredit China by saying that they'd believe such things as vampires like some superstitious backwards Eastern European peasants. One dude, though, believes.

And we see Van Helsing's son. He doesn't impress me.

Full screening the movie (I'm watching it on youtube) helps, gets the white away, the white was bad.

Still the film gives us some things worth mocking. Van Helsing reacts fairly calmly to someone breaking into his rooms and trying to sneak up on him. He simply asks the man who he is and offers him tea. And the guy, well apparently he's here to apologize, and request Van Helsing's aid as a vampire catcher. I'm not sure why he didn't just knock, that'd be a rather more polite way to apologize than via breaking and entering.

We also have the younger Van Helsing flirting with a woman and then pissing off the local crime boss by destroying his excuse to get close to her by stating he'd already promised her his services as an escort. Good gentlemanly behavior. Still while she is, as she puts it, 'the totally emancipated woman' who could have said no to the tong on her own, she doesn't exactly resent the escort... it gives her a chance to talk to him about his father she's infatuated with.

Of course we find out how well saying no would have gone for her when they are attacked by a group of kung fu assassins and saved by a pair of kung fu brothers. Still the young Van Helsing (Leland I think) actually fought or tried, and they were following him so he probably kept her from being abducted by a Chinese crime lord. She even shows she realizes this.

The Older Van Helsing, though, doesn't want her to come on the vampire hunt, but everyone else disagrees with it... Possibly because she's financing the trip (and the son likes her and recognizes 'she has a will of her own').

On the subject of the heroine (I'm bad with names) she is not up to the usual sex appeal of a Hammer Horror heroine, not to say she is unattractive, but part of this is also presentation; her presentation is less sex as well. Given later Hammer films are known for sexploitation the fact that she doesn't live up to the appeal there as the ones from the first 3 (before they were that) is worth noting.

No mention is to made of horrific tension as the film has descended into kung fu action. It's not trying to be scary. It's a horror story (vampires and all, yada yada) but it's a kung fu film. The weapons are ludicrously fake,some of the fight techniques are Vulcan neckpinch level, and it's... fun.

The movie does make me wonder. Their grandfather was a limping farmer, this is a group of kung fu weapon master brothers and one sister, why do they need Van Helsing? A limping farmer gave them a good fight. Of course the film is trying to explain that right now with 'you're the expert and will know what to do to beat them for you are the chosen one' but... WHY DID THEY GIVE THE FARMER A LIMP?

We get a scene of vampires ripping the shirts of women open and abducting them. The farmers fighting them now are not very good at it. They outnumber them but their hoes do nothing.

Van Helsing informs us of some things: A wooden stake works on vampires in the East apparently. The image of the lower Buddha works on them like the crucifix on a European one, fire doesn't work in Europe but he doesn't know about in China. He does not point out that the Scandinavian heroine is jealous of the fact that his so is infatuated with her... or is she jealous she's encouraging him to go help wash the dishes you dumb-butt. She's more interested in the leader of the kung fu brothers it seems.

On the villainous side of things we get more boobies. The film is enjoying the chance to show them. Still the Chinese Dracula is more intimidating than the original actor.

Van Helsing is psychic. Leland is a dumbass. Scandinavian financier has a caring/motherly side.

Still while they're hiding in the cave for the night, the kung fu vampires arrive. This would be fine except suddenly the vaguely hopping skeleton army. The immortal undead things do little to them... Till Van Helsing tells them how to strike their weak spot. And the archer manages to fell one of the seven golden vampires, striking him with an arrow causing him to emit a truly silly laugh and a death scene which makes him seem like he's doing a rather insensitive idiot act. A second of the golden vampires is killed, his death less humorous, a... Van Helsing just tripped backwards into a fire. He just stumbled into the fire. Of course he uses this to pick up a burning brand and show that the Eastern Vampires are vulnerable to fire. Leland spent the fight punching like one of the mooks and having trouble with it. He finds women who can fight hot, though, so that's good.

Having just defeated half of the enemies with no losses, the Kung Fu brothers are disheartened. I have no idea why they're disheartened. Apparently curb stomping the enemy makes them afraid. Also they never buried their grandfather, but left his bones to bleach in the sun despite knowing where he was. That's... I'm pretty sure that's really disrespectful. Like what the nosferatu dudes, tend his corpse so it can rest in peace.

And Financier Lady is now without her shirt, wearing oly a tank top that shows cleavage if she leans forward. I feel I am expected to rejoice at this. Leland continues to be a dumb ass.

Dracula is kowtowing to great demons of hell dedicating himself to their service. Dracula have more self respect. You don't do favors. You're an archvampire, you're your own master. I don't care if you want an undead army. Bad Dracula have some self respect. Still he attacks the town which our heroes have fortified and... our heroes immediately abandon the fortifications to fight the enemy outside of them. Because you spend all day fortifying just for fun, not for practical purposes.

Still they begin to beat the 3 remaining vamps when the zombie army arrives and they decide that maybe they should have like used their fortifications after all. Maybe. After all the zombie army is the scariest thing in the film.

One of the brothers is killed! The villains are not WHOLLY incompetent. Unlike Leland who... Well ok he fights better with his fist than a gun (he can't aim for the heart it seems). Still the one thing I was afraid of in this film happened, both our heroines have just become damsels, such is the fate of emancipated women. One is carried off by the zombies, and one is bitten in the throat by one of the vampires and immediately turns into a vampiress and attacks the kung fu brothers' leader forcing him to stake her, which in Hammer tradition makes her bite vanish. In an act of lover's suicide he stakes himself as well, because once you have staked your romantic interest it's all you can do. No to be honest she bit him so he knew what was going to happen to him and he ended it first.

Oh and the Kung Fu Girl hasn't becomes captured. In fact she has now outlives over half of her brothers. Yes. She's still getting beaten up... Oh now she's kidnapped. I can accept it more after 4 of the guys are killed.

Leland jumps on a horse and takes chase, going to confront the vampire that carried her off, and I'm not sure if we're down to Dracula and 1 other or 2 others now. Still we're down to 2 kung fu brothers, Van Helsing, Leland the Mute Donkey, and our abducted heroine.

She is strapped to the ritual slab to be bitten and drained of blood, but Leland saves her beginning to fight the vampire. He is doing better than expected. Which is to say he hasn't died yet, though he is losing until his Papa comes and spears the vampire in the back. Don't mess with his dumb ass, it makes Van Helsing angry. I think we're out of vampires other than Dracula.

Everyone leaves save Van Helsing who pauses and encounters Dracula. Who is goaded out of the Chinese dude's body. No! Film, don't! The other guy had more charisma. He was hamtastically awesome with his dialogue. No, why ;;

We then get to watch as a 60 year old man gets backhanded about a bit, before Dracula impales himself upon a broken spear shaft. Dracula is dumb in this film. His death is dumb. He should feel bad next time he revives.

Oh and the ending credits tell me I misspelled Leyland's name, I'm not fixing it.

[misericordikay43]

Ooc: Troy Retrospective

The really difficult thing for me personally is that Kay is not very well-spoken, especially when it comes to how she is feeling. Even here in what is supposed to be a sort of diary for her, she can’t really be honest with herself because saying the words feels too much like defeat. I guess 20 something years of repression doesn’t die easy.

I for one would like to say I’m sorry that both of us think everything is a trap when sometimes it’s just a LARP thing. I’m sorry. I’m an idiot. But I was in too deep to know how to play it off.

She’s really hurt about the whole Troy thing.

There was a lot going on and I didn’t have the option to sort of phase Kay out and phase Deimos in because I don’t feel like I have a very good grasp on the twins. I don’t know what it is about them, but they’re really hard to nail down. Somewhere between an out of body experience and a vampire and that scary kind of angry where you feel like someone else is in control. Like they’re just detached and occasionally bloodthirsty and mostly bored. But I think they share the sort of utter horror with the fallout that Kay does- the falling and the screaming and the blood on the ground when the dust settles.

The sacrifice circles were sort of hard. See, Kay had a fight with Lysander before everything happened and decided she wasn’t going to help anymore, so she was out. But then it became something that she genuinely couldn’t participate in and it became a problem. Like she actually doesn’t have any close relationships, the closest thing she really had was Nimue and that’s a trash fire at this point. Then there was blood but Merlin did that- easy. She could give up being remembered but honestly, people barely remember her anyways and mostly they hate her- but the Norse people sort of liked her and she was hesitant to give up the one time anyone has ever liked her. And Sparta. I was like “well we’re out” for the happy memory but as soon as I did Kay was like “no, but I’ve only got one so screw that” and she told me what it was (”the first time I ran away. It was cold and I had no food and nothing to my name or anywhere to go, and there were animals, but laying there in the dirt, looking at the stars in the quiet? Everything.” But then Maddy stepped up. She likes Maddy. Maddy is friendly and non-threatening and she doesn’t make her feel bad about who she is and how much she hates being an eternal. She wants Maddy to keep her happy memories. And if she’s sad she wants to help. Which is why she was like “you... make... me happy. So. there’s that.” which was the Kay version of going “hey, I like you, and I’m sorry you lost your happy memory but you mean a lot to me and I’m willing to admit I have a feeling in order to deal with that.” And then there was the cycle thing which was fine but the willingness of everyone to throw themselves in when you only need one honestly just drives her crazy. It’s a waste of resources.

Kay has a few rules that have come out of her time in foster care. Let me start by saying that foster care is a terrible place and the more research I do the more I absolutely hate it. The abuse, neglect, despair, drug use, health issues, trafficking, and other horrors that kids are exposed to is insane. But out of these things, she’s developed a sense of caution towards strangers and a need to know how to leave situations, and a willingness to hit people. One thing that has come out of this is a “gather all information” mindset and a belief that all information related to group safety should be available to everyone. Hence the “I’m not helping” but also the “the heroes are up to something” PSA.

We’re a little hurt. Kay was thinking about Agustin and Ro and Lysander and how much everyone cared about them and how worried they were when they were gone and it... she knows that if she was gone no one would care. No one would really even notice. She has no friends, no job, no family. No stray cats. She’d just fade away. And it sucks but it also makes her expendable- she’s got nothing to lose. So she has options other people don’t and that makes her powerful but also it just sucks. She wants people to care. She doesn’t want to be bleeding out on the floor like poor Nimue and have like, Merlin freaking out because of obligation and everyone just sort of awkwardly standing there not feeling sure if they should do something. She also really doesn’t want Nimue to die. She doesn’t love him right now, but she doesn’t want him to die. She really cares about him and wants to work it out somehow but she can’t if he’s dead. Good news for him I guess since she’ll probably do just about anything to keep him alive for now.

Um... talking to Ro was hard because we had to play “what do you like about yourself” and the answer is Kay really doesn’t like anything about herself, she just talks a big game. But she has a sort of a soft spot for Ro and she felt like she couldn’t leave without the apple so, an uncomfortable conversation that she had to swear her to secrecy about happened. Fun.

So last call: I have to talk about Priam and I have to talk about Hercules and I have to talk about Malcome and none of those things are going to be particularly fun.

We’re walking and Lydia said something about what she got her bachelors in and Kay went “you went to college?” because being a baker she figured  Lydia didn’t have to, and Kay hasn’t met a lot of grads tbh. Malcome, being nearby, asks “you didn’t?” so she just “no, what would I have majored in, I’m a bouncer. Was a bouncer.” and he mentioned she could come to UC and she just “to study what?” a little bit salty, but she barely got out of high school. She doesn’t have the grades or the cash- and really, what would she study? She doesn’t think she’s good at anything and no one wants to hire her because they don’t feel safe with her. So what kind of job is she going to get? And he just shoots back “Maybe how to be a person.” For someone who doesn’t know her, that cut exceptionally deep. She’s going to be thinking about that one for a long time.

Hercules- she doesn’t really like him as a person but she’s coming to a point where she might be able to respect him? Like she hates him, but he buried Priam when she couldn’t and she feels like she owes him one. It’s complicated.

And finally: Priam.

If anyone got shafted in this whole thing, it was Priam. Poor guy had to witness the sacking of Troy TWICE. Lost his whole family. After a lifetime of guilt and piety and hard work and just rule that was his reward. Kay liked Priam. She liked Hector. She liked Cassandra. And more than that they deserved better. It isn’t even just that Priam was faithful to the olympians, if I remember correctly he was beyond reproach with his sacrifices. He honored all the gods with huge sacrifices. He taught his many children to do the same. He changed his name to honor the sister who saved him in the last sack of Troy in a world that had no respect for women. He was a good man and a good king. He raised a good king for the next generation. He was good to his people. But this mess still happened because... his son was an idiot and idk if it was society or if they were demanding Paris and not just the return of Helen, but there it is and he loses everything.

If Kay could bring him back she’d do it in an instant. She sort of hopes he’s a hero tied to the cycles so he can try again. She wishes she had had time to mourn and bury him herself.

I don’t think she’s ever really over what happened to him- because now she’s been there for it, intimately, twice. That’s a curse.

[swordarkeereon]

Guest Post: A Kingdom's Fall #horror #newreleases #newfiction

Author Interview

What genre(s) do you write and why?

My work resides in the horror realm and all its subgenres. A gross-out gag, splatterpunk shock, or spine-tingling chill makes us remember we’re alive. And knowing my work makes some people’s genitalia retract into their innards gives me wood.

What was the most difficult part of writing your most recent book?

Finding time to write the third book in The Human-Undead War trilogy proved a chore. I had to decline offers for short story contributions, deny requests to beta read and edit fellow writers’ work, ignore submission calls, and limit my social media presence for about 8 months. With my wife back in school full-time and unpredictable daily work hours at my day job, I was lucky to scrape by with 30 minutes a day for writing. It drove me to the brink of madness!

What do you feel your books offer readers?

An intriguing escape from reality, and a fresh take on vampires. Anyone tired of pussy-ass, sparkly vamps ought to see merit in The Human-Undead War series. I’d love to think I’m revitalizing the genre like Brian Lumley did with his Necroscope series, but sales and exposure beg to differ. Some day, perhaps…

What was the first book you ever had published? How much time did it take from writing your first book to having it published?

The first book was Dark Intentions, Book 1 in The Human-Undead War Trilogy. From concept to publication, it took approximately 8 years. That included some snags in the publishing process (infamous “kerfuffles”) which set me back almost 2 years.

What other careers have you had?

I’ve been a paper boy, grocery bagger, a fast food cook/cashier, pot dealer, phone operator for a taxi company and multiple telemarketing gigs, gas station attendant, obsessive plasma donor, pizza delivery driver, warehouse laborer, and I’ve held management positions at multiple businesses, including my current employer.

Many won’t admit this, but pizza delivery can be quite lucrative. I miss that cash-in-hand every night, and the crazy fucks you meet along the way are great story fodder.

How would you describe yourself if you were “speed dating” your readers?

A chubby bald guy who’s rough around the edges, likes to tease and titillate, and has a dark sense of humor.

Where are you from?

♪In northeastern Iowa, born and raised,

On the farmland is where I spent most of my days…♪

Okay, I’ll stop now. The tune’s stuck in your noggin now, though, isn’t it?

What do you do for fun?

Fun? Sorry, I don’t understand this foreign word. Please translate.

Has your life changed significantly since becoming a published writer?

I think I’m poorer now than I was before I started writing for publication! However, my soul has been enriched. I’ve made tons of awesome, supportive writing-minded friends, a few fans, and a few bucks. It makes up for the constant business expenses (books on hand, business cards, advertisements, bookmarks, contests).

Otherwise, no, not much has changed. I’m still just an introvert peon working for The Man.

Do you work on one project at a time? Or do you multi-task?

I must stay focused on one thing at a time. Multi-tasking often results in more white hairs cropping up on my chin and me needing several Snickers bars to calm the fuck down.

What kind of kid were you? Which social path did you take?

In grade school, I was the fat kid who compensated with comedy, but I was a loner outside of school. I lived on a farm, and even with siblings, I could often be found roaming our land alone, talking to myself and acting out scenes in my head. I usually had my nose crammed into a book’s delicious-smelling spine as well. Once I hit middle school, my introvert side kicked into high gear. Since then, I’ve maintained a small group of core friends and tend to avoid large (or popular) groups of people.

Do you have any pets?

Two cats, Tubba and Target, and a wiener, Spot.

If you could travel anywhere in the world where would you travel?

I took a few years of Spanish in high school, and I loved everything about it. Spain seems like a gorgeous, culturally rich place to visit.

Please tell us 5 miscellaneous facts about yourself.

-I’m a huge advocate for literacy and will drop spare change every time I go to The Dollar General.

-I once popped what I thought was an Ecstasy pill only to discover it was a horse tranquilizer. Good times.

-Nothing turns me on more than a clean, spotless home.

-When I awoke in my cell after being arrested for drunk driving a decade ago, every county inmate hassled me for my extreme overnight snoring.

-I once masturbated 13 times in one day.

Please share with us your future projects and upcoming releases.

A Kingdom’s Fall, the conclusion to The Human-Undead War Trilogy, will be out later this year. I’ll also have a story in VS: Extreme, a charity anthology pitting US against UK horror writers. I was in the inaugural VS last year and took home some accolades, so I hope to defend my title in style this year. David Owain Hughes and I are also co-editing an anthology titled Fuck the Rules, and that should be out late this year or early 2018. It’s our way of throwing up the middle finger to rules while still exposing raw talent and crisp, finely tuned stories.

After that, I don’t know. Time to pursue my writing endeavors has been limited and will continue to be for several more years. I may disappear for a bit. But I’ll be back.

Please share any links you would like listed in the Interview. Website, blog, Facebook, Twitter, Patreon, Instagram etc.

Facebook: www.facebook.com/JondrashekAuthor

Twitter: @jondrashek

Website/Blog: www.jondrashek.com

Instagram: @jondrashek

BRIEF AUTHOR BIO:

Jonathan Edward Ondrashek loves to spew word vomit onto the masses. He’s had an array of poetry, reviews, articles, and interviews published in the past decade. His short stories have appeared in the anthologies Fifty Shades of Slay, Rejected for Content 4: Highway to Hell, Crossroads in the Dark II: Urban Legends, and the highly acclaimed VS: US vs UK Horror. The first two books in The Human-Undead War Trilogy, Dark Intentions and Patriarch, debuted in 2016, along with two co-edited horror anthologies: What Goes Around and Man Behind the Mask. If he isn’t working at his day job, reading, or writing, he’s probably drinking beer and making his wife regret marrying a lunatic. Feel free to stalk him on social media. He loves that shit.

A Kingdom’s Fall (The Human-Undead War Trilogy, Volume 3)

After staking his claim as the rightful Undead patriarch and returning to the United States, Barnaby has sent his followers on missions to eradicate humankind once and for all. He still plots to cast the world into darkness and reign supreme. But to ensure the Undead’s ascent to godhood, he will need to destroy the Human Army and confront his nemesis, Brian Koltz.

However, President Strajowskie understands the stakes involved, and he’s heading to the front line to go all out against Barnaby and his hordes.

Meanwhile, an insurgent army led by the former Undead general, Scott Hammers, approaches Haven. Brian and his people are prepared, but he discovers a traitor in their midst and dark deeds being done against his knowledge. Can he and Haven survive the ensuing battle without being torn apart from within?

As all sides vie for victory, a confrontation between Brian and Barnaby appears inevitable. And both now understand one kingdom must fall if the other is to survive.

BOOK EXCERPT:

“You’re a pilot?” the woman asked.

Lester blushed and ran a hand through his red curls. “Yeah.”

She stared at the center of her shoddy table. Candlelight flickered. Dark bags beneath her eyes devoured her high, protruding cheekbones. “Scar told us wasn’t none of them left,” she said with a slow honey-dipped drawl. “Said no one took to the skies anymore. That’s why he was sailing ‘cross water, before his ship wrecked.”

Lester almost snorted but held his derision in check. Barnaby sure did choose a lame nickname while he was here. He found it unnerving how the Vampirons revered such a devil. Then again, they didn’t know what he was.

Hell, even God doesn’t know what he is.

“Very few still exist,” Roterie said. He meandered away from the humble open-spaced kitchen and plopped onto the chair opposite Mrs. Deekins. He rested his hands behind his head and kicked his feet up. Dirt and sand sprinkled down from the soles of his shoes and cascaded across the table. “That’s why your husband was wise to follow Scar and find us.”

“Well, I can’t thank you enough for coming here and telling me how Zeke’s doing. Me and the kids’ve been worried sick.”

It shows, Lester thought. Mrs. Deekins was bone-thin, though canned goods and somewhat-fresh fruits lined the makeshift countertops inside the kitchen. Grime caked her skin in an oily sheen. Bloodshot, yellowed eyes protruded from their sockets, and her fake fangs jutted out below her upper lip. With thin, frayed hair sticking out at every angle atop her scalp, she looked like a buck-toothed, emaciated vampire hippie.

And the stench was horrendous. The quaint mud hut reeked of rotten eggs, spoiled milk, and decaying meat. Worse still was Mrs. Deekins herself. Even from the front doorway, he could smell the layers of sweat, shit, and piss emanating from her body in sickening droves.

That reminds me. It’s been a week or two since I took a bath, Lester thought, avoiding the urge to sniff his armpits and test his own scent.