#also still no goo bath scene

[geddy-spageddy]

i'm still not over the fact that we could've get cowboy cecil in the show...

[klbwriting]

Not Romeo and Not Juliet

Chapter 1: Mingle Yarn

Fandom: Red Hood

Pairing: Jason Todd x f!reader

Warnings: fighting, mentions of broken bones and blood

Summary: Jason Todd was alive again. Not only that, but he was back in high school, living with Dick Grayson, and just trying to get by without anyone noticing him. That doesn't go as planned.

Notes: Here it is! Dueling prep schools! Enemies to Lovers! Theater Nerds! Shakespeare! A true rom-com! Jason as a senior and a theater kid! I'm messing with the canon immensely so let's just call this an AU or Elseworlds story where Jason was killed in a similar way to Under the Red Hood movie, but instead of the LoA going and getting him Dick has the falling out with Bruce over Jason's death and he goes to resurrect him without Bruce knowing. He takes Jason to live with him in Bludhaven and enrolls him in Bludhaven Prep so that he can readjust to living and to leaving Robin behind. I hope you enjoy!

The web of our life is of a mingled yarn, good and ill together

— ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL, ACT 4 SCENE 3

               “Jason, you have to get going or you’re going to be late,” Dick Grayson called through the apartment.  He knew Jason wasn’t exactly excited to start his senior year of high school and he couldn’t blame him if he was being honest.  Just a month ago Jason had been murdered by a clown and just a week ago he had been revived in a pit of green goo protected by assassins.  They had only agreed to let Dick revive him because they were the reason Jason was even killed in the first place, so it was honestly the least they could do.  Dick was still coming to terms with who came out of the pit, not Jason but not not Jason either.  While pre-Lazarus Pit Jason had been happy, funny, and kind of scrawny, this Jason was moody, stoic, and big.  He wasn’t sure how the 17-year-old had gone from around skinny 5’8 to a jacked 6’1 during a bath but it was what it was.  Now he was staying in Dick’s Penthouse in Bludhaven, Bruce had no idea he was alive, and he was starting his senior year at Bludhaven Prep and Dick was hoping getting him back out there with kids his own age would help him readjust to living again.  The therapist that Dick hired, the one Clark Kent recommended, had given approval for him to return, saying he was mentally able to be around others, but considering no one knew how the pit might affect him they would still be watching him closely.  Dick stood very still in the dining room, waiting until he heard feet stomping down the stairs from the loft area that Jason had taken as his room. 

               “I’m here, I’m here,” he grumbled, sitting down in front of the plate of eggs and bacon that Dick had made for him.  Jason took two bites and made a face.  “I am making breakfast from now on, this tastes like shit.”  Dick rolled his eyes as he watched Jason clean his plate of the ‘shit’.  “Why am I going to school again anyway?  Bruce pulled me out to be homeschooled when I was freshman.”

               “Ya Bruce also had you running around in tights and you’re not doing that anymore either.  At least not until we know that no side effects from the pit are going to cause problems,” Dick said, putting a bookbag on the chair next to Jason.  Jason glanced at the bag and then at Dick.  Dick was once again struck by how different Jason was, yet he could still see the kid Jason was in those eyes.  They weren’t same, they could never settle on what color they wanted to be, blue like before, green like the pit, even brown sometimes, a muddied version of the two.  But the vulnerability was there, even though Jason was desperately trying to hide it. 

               “Fine, I see your point,” Jason muttered, grabbing the backpack before heading to the bookshelf.  He grunted.  “You need better books, honestly, some actual literature would be nice.”  He gave up on finding something, grabbed his phone and took off towards Bludhaven Prep. 

               The car ride over was nice, then the rest of the day started.  Jason knew he was weird, new kid as a senior, eyes that didn’t know what they were, and that black hair with the one tuft of white streaking across the front.  He would be as rich as his big brother if he had a dollar for every time someone asked him about that during the first class alone.  By the time the day was over he was so tightly wound he wanted to bust.  It didn’t help that some football player had decided that Jason was going to be his target for the year.  It started with an ‘accidental’ tray drop at lunch that left yogurt and milk across his new sneakers.  Then in study hall a football to the back of the head.  Finally, what really broke Jason, was the walk from the front of the school to the back where the cars were lined up.  Jason was straggling, hoping that the jock would have gone first, and he might have peace, but no.  He started walking around the side of the school, no one around at first, when from the back came the jock and two friends.  The guy was cracking his knuckles like he was some gangster in a movie.  Jason rolled his eyes and dropped his bag, knowing where this was going. 

               “You seem to think you can just come in and take over my school,” the jock said.  Jason let out an annoyed breath.  He hadn’t spoken to a single person that, hadn’t raised his hand once, he had barely listened, why did the fact that he was an inch taller than this guy make the jock so insecure?  He didn’t want to deal with it.

               “Can you just try and hit me, and we can get this over with?” Jason asked.  The jock’s friends let out snorts of laughter and that seemed to enrage their leader, who threw a wild punch that Jason dodged easily and then Jason threw a jab right at the guy’s face.  He did forget that he was bigger now, stronger than before.  He was surprised by the blood, but the ear shattering crack of bone and the shriek that the guy let out did surprise him.  Jason took off, running around the back of the school and jumping into the car to get home.  Great, first day and he had probably just broken that guy’s eye socket.  He was getting expelled.  At least he wouldn’t have to wear the student uniform anymore. 

               By the time he got back Dick was already on the phone with the headmaster.  Dick pointed at the couch and Jason sat, not wanting to but he knew it was pointless to argue.  Dick had literally brought him back to life, he could sit there and take his punishment without argument.  He had just shattered a guy’s face; he probably deserved the tongue lashing.

               “-I understand but you have to remember that there were no cameras, no actual witnesses other than this Mr. Harrison’s friends, it seems like a he said, he said situation which will not make anyone on the school board happy.  Especially when I pull my funding for the new football stadium,” he said.  Jason rolled his eyes.  Dick had definitely graduated from the Bruce Wayne school for getting out of shit.  “Of course, I am glad that we could work this out.  And of course, any injuries will be taken care of, but no mention of who the fight was with?  Thank you so much for your discretion.”  Dick hung up and rounded on Jason.  “Care to explain?”

               “Some football asshole decided I was too tall for him,” Jason said.  Dick pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to remember why he had decided to take in a teenager.  “Did you have to break his orbital bone?”

               “I forgot about my biceps being the size of my head,” he mumbled.  Dick actually chuckled at that.  “He threw the first punch…”

               “You look uninjured…”

               “You think I would let an idiot like that hit me?” Jason looked shocked.  Dick sighed and looked at his watch.  Then at his phone clock, like it would be much different.

               “I am going to be late for my date with Barbara, stay here tonight, get your homework done, there’s food in the fridge and tomorrow we can talk about this more,” Dick said, buttoning his suit jacket and grabbing his wallet.  Jason just nodded, pulling out a book that he had gotten at the school library.  That at least had more options than Dick’s place.  Dick took one more glance at Jason before leaving. 

               Around 9PM Jason was starting to climb the walls.  He had this nervous energy and he didn’t know how to relieve it.  He tried to think of something.  Parkour?  No, he was angry.  Video arcade?  No, not enough movement.  Then he remembered the underground fights that he and Batman had once raised over in his old neighborhood, Crime Alley.  He figured the fights were probably back by now, they wouldn’t be down for long.  He knew he couldn’t show his face, Dick didn’t need the stress of him being caught in Gotham, or God forbid Bruce finding him, so headed down to the garage that Dick kept on site.  He started searching the sports equipment that he had, grabbing an old school goalie’s mask.  Very Friday the 13th, and hey, his name was Jason.  But the white, no, that wasn’t his color.  He looked around, finding some spray paint in another section and he painted the mask red.  Nice.  He grabbed an old black hoodie, shoved the mask inside the pocket and taking one of Dick’s bikes. 

               It took him about ten minutes to remember how to drive a motorcycle, apparently death didn’t keep memories of driving in his brain.  He almost wiped out five or six times before finally crossing over into Robbinsville and then up into Crime Alley.  He stowed the bike behind a dumpster near a Big Belly Burger before heading into a laundromat.  He walked to the counter that was helmed by a short woman with dyed blonde hair.

               “I’ve come for some good smelling socks,” he said.  He hoped these types didn’t get change their code phrases, it was the only one he remembered.  The woman nodded and pressed a button, motioning to the side door that said ‘Employees Only’.  Jason went through the door and down the stairs, donning his mask.  The guy waiting at the bottom looked him over.

               “50$ to watch, 100$ to fight,” he said.  Jason nodded and turned over his 100$ and the guy pointed him to another woman with a clipboard.  Jason headed over to her.

               “Name?” she asked.  Jason scrambled.  “Name?” she repeated, louder and more annoyed.  The other fights nearby were starting to watch him.  They weren’t too much bigger than him, he might have a good chance.  Either way he could blow off some steam.

               “Mask of the Red Death,” he said.  She cocked an eyebrow and shook her head. 

               “Too long, you’re Red Mask,” she said.  He nodded, very creative.  Poe would be proud.  “You’re finding Butch first.”  She pointed to a large man with muscles in places Jason didn’t know you could have them.  They were for show, not strength, not fighting.  This guy wanted to look good, not actually be good.  Jason watched him as they entered the makeshift cage.  He circled the guy, letting him come to him.  Butch threw a punch, Jason dodged behind him, and Spartan kicked him in the ass, sending him tripping into the glorified fence surrounding them.  The fight went on for only a few more seconds before the guy came back, trying to kick Jason, who slide to the side, grabbed the guy’s leg and slammed his elbow into his knee.  There was a crunch and Butch fell, howling in pain, unable to get up.  Jason was announced the winner and stepped out, heading towards a back door to get some air.  As he opened the door to the basement walkout, he heard a commotion and turned, seeing cops starting to come down the stairs.  He knew they would be going to the back door next, so he took off, mask going back in his pocket and climbing a nearby fire escape until he was high enough to hide in the shadows above the streetlight.  Once the cops that found the back were inside, he climbed down, running to the alley where he’d left the bike.  He was just moving the dumpster again when the back door to the Big Belly Burger opened, making him jump in surprise and slice his hand on an exposed piece of metal inside the trash.  He let out a grunt and the teenage girl in uniform turned to face him.          

               “Are you ok?” she asked, walking over.  Jason was gripping his hand, trying to stop the bleeding so he could get the bike and leave.  “Hold on, I have a bandage.”  She pulled out a roll box of bandaids from the apron pocket.

               “Clumsy are you?” Jason asked, trying to distract from the annoying ache in his palm.  She chuckled and walked over, pulling a cotton ball out of the packet. 

               “No, we have a griller who thinks he’s a ninja, any time he gets his hand on a knife I have to be ready to stitch him up,” she said.  She started dabbing his hand and Jason once again hissed.  “What music do you like?”

               “I uh…I don’t know, I used to like metal, some alternative stuff, but went through a change this summer…not sure anymore,” he said, confused.  “Why?”

               “Well, one this is distracting you from me disinfecting this thing, so you don’t get tetanus, and two, you live in Crime Alley, don’t be a stereotype.  If you think you might like something different than ‘I grew up in the slums, so I just listen to angry shit’ try Noah Kahan, you look like a guy who’d like him, or Hozier.”  He could tell she was just throwing out names to keep him listening and he appreciated it.  “What’s your name?”

               “Jason,” he said.  She nodded and smiled, finishing with the bandage. 

               “Nice to meet you, I’m YN,” she said.  “Want some help with the dumpster or are all those muscles working?”  She winked at him, and he actually blushed, glad it was dark and she might not notice.

               “Sure,” he said.  Together they moved the dumpster, and he got the bike.  He waved quick before driving back to the penthouse.  He got as far as the elevator door, when it opened there was Dick.

               “So, I see you had an interesting evening,” he said, holding up his phone where video of Jason breaking Butch’s leg was being shown.  Of course, Dick would realize it was him, he would know that move anywhere, Dick had taught it to him. 

               “I needed to get out, blow off some steam, forget who I was for a bit,” he said.  Dick nodded. 

               “Good, then what I just signed you up for will be perfect,” he said.  Jason looked at him, eyebrows raised.  “You’re not a member of the theater program, auditions for Hamlet are Friday.”

               “You can’t be serious,” Jason said, heading out of the elevator.

               “I am very serious, you go to school, go to practice, be someone else for awhile when you’re there, and then you come home and you stay here or I am calling Bruce and sending you back to him, see how Batman deals with your shit,” he said.  Jason sighed, heading up to his room.  Fine, theater, he’d wanted to do that before Bruce pulled him from high school.  How bad could it be?

[words-after-midnight]

Finally making progress on this "new" (actually very old in concept) chapter of Act I. Here's a (very unpolished) scene featuring weirdly suggestive marshmallow roasting + general suggestive (mutual) roasting. I often miss Gabriel's young and relatively unjaded self, so it's been nice to spend some time with that version of him in some of these early scenes.

Tagging my beta readers if interested, even though I feel lowkey bad for bestowing this cursed content upon you (but I'd also feel bad for not showing you a new scene lol): @ananarchie @sunset-a-story @catchingbigfish @joeys-piano

cw: suggestive (as mentioned)

The third night, unseasonably balmy, finds Jeff and I sitting alone by the campfire, Daphne and Kyle having hit the hay uncharacteristically early. Apparently, they thought we wouldn’t notice the both of them slipping into Kyle’s tent – which, to be fair, I didn’t notice until Jeff pointed it out, but I can’t believe they didn’t think he’d notice. He notices everything. It’s one of many things about him that I’m both baffled by and deeply envious of.

I watch him roast a marshmallow with the precision of a surgeon, his features bathed in the soft glow of the flames. He’s fresh from a shower, still wearing the plaid fleece jacket, but with – visibly – nothing underneath above the waist. His hair, warm and glistening in the light of the fire, hangs damp and wavy to his earlobes. He doesn’t seem to notice me staring at him, but I know he does. Like I said, he notices everything.      

I force myself to break the spell. “How are you wearing that?”

His sharp focus doesn’t waver. The marshmallow’s flesh is now of a deep, golden brown, the burn spread more or less uniform across its surface. “Hm?”

I laugh softly. “The jacket. It’s like sixty degrees out.”

“Fifty-six and going down,” he says, in that haughty tone that drives me crazy. “I checked.”

“Sure doesn’t feel like fifty-six. Especially with the fire.”

I watch as the corner of his lip lifts into a smirk, the light and shadows accentuating that perfect little dimple. He finally looks at me, then, in mischievous playfulness, eyebrows raising just a twitch. “Would you like me to take it off?” he asks, feigning politeness.

I inhale sharply through my nose as the familiar, fluttering burn of desire settles deep in my core. My every nerve is burning to touch him, to close the distance between us – barely log-length, yet impossibly great – but this isn’t the time or place. With a forward jut of my chin, I redirect him to the marshmallow. “Are you trying to char that thing?”

He cackles. “Stop backseat roasting.”

“Says the backseat fucker,” I mutter, shaking my head.

“What was that?”

“You heard me.”

Pulling the jagged stick from the fire at last, he slides the marshmallow from the tip and tosses it to me in a fluid motion, leaving me scrambling to catch it – it lands in my palms scalding, nearly black and oozing burning, sticky goo. I wince.

With an amused grin and a quirk of an eyebrow, he says, “Too hot for you?”

I shake my head, trying to recover the marshmallow from my palm as intact as possible, though most of the escaped liquid remains smeared on my skin. “Just right,” I say, popping what remains of the marshmallow into my mouth as I watch him install another onto the roasting branch and set it aflame. It melts white-hot and bittersweet on my tongue.

“Good,” he says, sounding awfully pleased with himself. “Eat that and calm down, yeah?” Teasingly, and with a quick, smoldering glance in my direction, he adds, “Maybe, if you behave, I’ll show you something later. How’s that sound?”

My stomach flutters in heady anticipation. “What is it?”

He smiles into the fire, the flames slow dancing in his eyes. “It’s a surprise.”

[lookismaddict]

Masterpiece thats all I gonna say it a masterpiece of confession and bath scene. Lol

Also I just remember when I read in the bath scene that y/n thought is she is approaching Gun like those shady back ally service, I just thought on the soapgirls [soaplands/sopu-jyo] (you can search it and I read a manga about it)

Damn all I think on how I want to bath together with Gun and how I want lean his muscle in the bathtub. I just wanna feel those muscles.

Spice basically turn into sweet dessert that I enjoy since it been awhile that you update. (Sorry can't make the chap 2 lol. My laptop have buzzing sound when it start so I need to check it up if there is any problem with it and also college)

Gun mentioning about the morning after care pill and having his baby made my chuckled then y/n saying that he doesn't need to as she been drinking birth control pills.

Somehow I get the feeling that he is alittle disappointed that y/n won't have his babies early but still excited that he can just goes his ways to y/n without worrying LOL.

Lemme guess next chap will have spice again noh? Also I kinda curious in the past ask I made that you basically confirm that Gun may have the Box of toys gifted by Goo. I wonder if it will appear as one of the kink in a chapters.

AGHHHH TY SAM FOR ALWAYS WRITING A CHAPTER REVIEW FOR RENDEZVOUS!! I'm always so eager to see what you thought of whenever you read a chapter. 😊❤️

Oh my god, YES. THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING OF WHEN I WROTE THAT PART ABOUT THOSE ENTERTAINMENT WORKERS IN KABUKICHO (a.k.a. for anyone who doesn't know, Tokyo's well-known Red Light Entertainment District located in Shinjuku). AH, "SOAP-GIRLS" 😭 I FORGOT WHAT THE ACTUAL TERM WAS FOR THESE WORKERS, BUT THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME!

Fun Fact: How I heard about Soap-Land was from an old video I watched on 88rising's channel back in 2018, when Joji was starting to promote more of his music and he mentioned to Lil Yachty that he should visit more of the "weirder" parts of Tokyo, which was LITERALLY Soap-Land. 💀 Here's the part below at 1:20 where Joji mentions Soap-Land and explains what it is. ⬇️ (NSFW IMAGERY)

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 💀💀💀 Ah yes, we all want to get a feel of Gun's muscles, don't we? Especially, in the bath tub. 😩💦

Ah gee, it really has been a while huh? 😭 To be frank, I quite enjoyed writing the transitions from rough and hardcore, to soft and affectionate smut scenes. 😆 I believe that, if the chapters always display aggressive scenes, then it'll be too repetitive and the story will eventually get boring imo. (Because I also want to follow the plot of what I had in mind for this story, and not just produce smut for no reason.) Honestly, my main focus is on the story and not just the smut but I'm glad that you guys enjoy them. 😳💗 (Is ok Sam, I understand. As much as I want to read Ch. 2 of your Gun x Y/N Nun story, I'll always remain patient and wait for it if you suddenly decide to or if you're able to continue writing it. I STILL HAVE HOPE!! 😩😩👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 Also, I know college can be a pain too so that's understandable.)

BAHAHAAHSHDFSDFSLDKFSL MAN, THAT PART HAD ME CACKLING LATE AT NIGHT WHEN I DECIDED TO WRITE THAT LINE. 💀💀💀💀💀💀 God, I still have tears to this day just from laughing at that. 😖 My sense of humor? Peak. 👌🏽 Kidding. I'm the biggest idiot ever.

In all honesty, if he looks back at that memory, he would be a bit upset that (Y/N) turned him down on wanting to conceive his child. 😭 Gun's immediate thought would be, "How dare she not want to have my child. Does that woman not know how INVINCIBLE our child could have been? Our son/daughter could have had everything! Good looks, undefeatable strength, and THE Copy Ability!! Tch, forget searching for my own successor. My child WILL be the successor." And then (Y/N) would eventually stop him like, "Ohhh no you don't! I won't let you turn our kid into one of your little Power Rangers!" 💀 But man, he'd definitely get his way with her. What's scary is the possible thought of forcing her to have his child. Like for instance, he might approach her one day and say, "You're going to have my child no matter what." Poor (Y/N) is just going to look at him confused like, "Um... what?" 🤨 and then BABY BOOM! 😩😩😩 (I'm guessing this is where his breeding kink comes in.)

Teehee... maybe, maybe not. 😏 Ohhhhhhh boyyyyyyy. Now, THAT will be fun to write about! I'll be doing a lot of brainstorming these next few days. I'm excited to write the next chapter!! 👀

ONCE AGAIN, THANK YOU SAM FOR THE AMAZING CHAPTER REVIEW!! *MWAH* 💋 I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!!! 🥰🥰🥰

[aemiron-main]

the things found at the creel house

So, it’s interesting to me that in the Indianapolis Gazette, the bodies of Morher Alice, Edward, and Daughter Virginia, are referred to as “things” 

It’s interesting because of how often ST references The Thing and how often Will’s fake body is referred to as a “thing.”

I would be willing to bet that those bodies were faked by the lab. That they were “things,” in the same way that Will’s fake body was a “thing.” There’s also something to be said for what I’ve been talking about with Virginia’s seemingly-regenerated eyes and the goo on them that’s similar to The Thing. And with Joyce saying that “that thing is not my son,” and the Victor-Joyce parallels and Edward NOT being the son of Henry-timeline Victor.

Something else that also gnaws at me are the crime scene photos in the Weekly Watcher.

The Weekly Watcher lists Henry instead of Edward and lists Mother Virginia and Daughter Alice, but there’s still some sort of connection between the brutal nature of the body of Mother Alice in the Indianapolis Gazette, and the Gazette talking about how grisly the crime scene was vs the blood bath photo in the Weekly Watcher.

Especially since some of the blood bath photos are only shown in the Netflix tudum teaser trailer version of the Weekly Watcher, which IS formatted differently/different from the in-show version.

Something is afoot here.

[elvenmother]

Bath Time

Rating: G Warning: N/A Unless you count tooth rotting fluff Word Count: 635

Summary: Grogu gets covered in chocolate and needs a bath.

Notes: This is the third toddler Grogu fic I've done now. Check out my masterlist for the other two: Fascination and Fixation.

The woman at the market had given Grogu a single chocolate-covered biscuit. It looked to be part of a larger piece, perhaps a pair, and she smiled down at the child as she handed over the slim finger-like snack. It was only a little longer than the baby’s palm, so only the very tip peeked out of his fist as the toddler gripped it. Din had thanked her as they left, heading back towards the lodging Din had secured for the night. Grogu had held the snack tightly the whole way back.

Once inside, Din had set him down on the bed and turned his back for a few moments to put down the rest of the food he had bought. It had only been a matter of minutes. Two at the very most. But that was all it took, apparently.

When Din had turned back to face Grogu, what he saw made his jaw drop. Grogu, still gripping the biscuit part of the snack, was covered head to toe in chocolate. It was everywhere. His oversized coat was smeared in the sticky brown food while Grogu’s face, ears, hands, and one foot were also covered. Din was almost impressed that that little chocolate had stretched that far. Grogu blinked up at him with big brown eyes before shoving the rest of the biscuit into his mouth and giggling.

It would only be a matter of seconds before he realised he was covered in something fun. Then it really would be everywhere. And so it was time for a bath.

Din peeled off Grogu’s dirty clothes, they would have to be dealt with later, before tucking the baby under his arm and heading for the bathroom. The lodging he had found had no bathtub, but luckily Grogu was small enough that a sink would suffice.

Grogu wiggled and attempted escape a few times before the sink was full enough and the temperature of the water was to Din’s liking. Not too hot, not too cold. He’d read a holobook about babies somewhere that said to test the water with his elbow. Sighing, Din took off his vambraces and gloves before rolling up one sleeve of his flight suit enough to test the water.

Grogu watched, fascinated as he always did whenever Din removed any of his armour. After checking the temperature, Din decided to roll the other sleeve up. Grogu shrieked with excitement as he was lifted into the soapy water.

Bathing the little green toddler was almost like a battle as Din fought to simultaneously keep him in the water, keep the water in the sink and scrub the sticky chocolate out of Grogu’s delicate fuzzy hair. Grogu, for his part, seemed determined to get Din as wet as he was.

“Arms up.” Din requested as he attempted to get the last parts of the chocolate off Grogu’s arms. He wasn’t even sure how it had gotten under his clothes and into his armpit, but there it was.

“Pah.” Grogu grinned and lifted both arms, allowing Din to remove the last of the offending goo.

Once it was gone, Din let Grodgu splash in the sink for a little while longer, grinning under his helmet as the baby belly laughed and snorted as he played with the bubbles. Cleaning and drying the bathroom would take a while, he thought as he looked around the damp scene of devastation, but it was worth it. Grogu was always sleepy after a bath, and by the time Din would have dried him and wrapped him in a blanket, the little baby would be out like a light. Din would tidy and clean his clothes then. For now, he was happy to watch his son babble to his toes as he wiggled them in the warm soapy water.

Taglist: @lemonboynsp, @littlemisspascal, @ghostofaboy, @galaxyofmando, @pintsizemama, @athalien, @wondercloud, @furiousmushroom <-tag still isn't working :(

I remembered to tag this time!

[popculturebuffet]

Indy Prelude: Carl Barks; The Seven Cities of Cibola! (Comissioned by WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy adventuerers!

Since I last covered duck comics. While Disney Ducks built this fine institution the fact is other disney properties, other cartoons and comics in general, and general nonsense have simply take up more of my time. But it's always good to return home and just in time as this is also a prelude to something duck adjacent. a franchise that may not exist without good ole scrooge mcduck.

Yup just in time for Dial of Destiny we're taking a look at the indiana jones film quintology! From one of the most loved films of all time with too many quotable lines to count and more nazi's turned to goo than you can shake a staff of ra at, to it's divsive followup featuring the most iconic heart ripping in human history, a future oscar winner, and the directors wife, to the film almost as iconic as the original with sir sean connery, holy grails and more nazis, and all the way into that fourth film what people don't like to talk about with nuclear explosions, greasers, communists and actual cannibal Shia Lebouf, cumulating in a film I.. don't have a ton of antedotes about because it hasn't come out yet? Indy punches a protester and deals with the horrifying consequences of age and america working with the nazis? I dunno, i'm just excited, kev's excited and hopefully you are.

I'm dead serious about Scrooge being part of the reason Indy exists though. While sadly not coming up in the fablemans, though likely because it might've been a bit too much of a LOOK LOOK SEE THE THING THAT WILL MAKE HIM FAMOUS LATER moment the film honestly avoided so I can respect the decision, Young Stevie was a huge fan of Scrooge McDuck, to the point his future succesful self did a forward for one of the many carl barks collections. It's not the only influence and i'm sure as I research Raiders, i'll no doubt find tons more direct ones, but it is a notable one that gets brought up quite a bit and it's easy to see why: Scrooge too is a globetrotting adventurer who has a successful day job (If a far less modest one), cares deeply about the history of what he finds, is a tad gruff, verbally pars with most love intrests, and takes the quick solution when it makes sense, so it's easy to see the compassions. The two are still different enough: Indy isn't in it for the money, generally adventures because he has to not for the thrill like scrooge, and Scrooge's only child we know of isn't a massive embarrassment, but you can still see how it left a mark and see Barks attention to culture, love of slow adventure, and humor in Indy.

That and one certain scene we'll get into in the comic is the direct inspiration for one of the most iconic scenes in film history.. but we'll get for that. For now we're taking a look at one fo the most legendary stories in the duck canon and seeing how it holds up, this is the Seven Citeis of Cibola!

We begin with what you all came to see

It's a neat enough visual gag and a reminder to me that most scrooge stories.. really didn't open with the big splash pages i'm used to in comics nor an actual story title

Though Barks still makes the best of it with the sight gag of Scrooge lieterally bathing in money. The setup to this one is brilliant too: Scrooge reflects on the fact he's got his feathers in just about every industry imaginable. Cannaries, Fisheries, Newspapers, Horse Races, Bibble Removal, Steam Cleaning, Steamed Hams, baseball, both kinds of football, mega football, calvinball, horeshoes, unicorn shoes, abestos, tabacco, cultural apporiation, robots, Goat Cheese Pizza, getting the cool shoeshine universal solvent, fishmobabywhirlmagigs, Spam, Crackers and Milk, Breaking Cat News, allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters, trash compactors, juice extractor, shower rods, water meters, walke-talkies, copper wires, saftey googles, radial tiers, bb pellets, rubber mallets, fans , dehumidifiers, picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters, paint removers, window louves, masking tape, plastic gutters, kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables, hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power fogers, spoons and ladles, pesticides for fumigation, high peformance lubircation, metal roofing, water proofing, multi purpose insulation, air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors, tire gagues, hamster cages, thermostats, bug deflectors, trailer hitch demagntizers, automatic circumciers, tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and energizers, soffit panels, circuit brakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers, calculators, generators, maatching salt and pepper shakers, horse dewormer, fighting gold, repulsor technology, pym particles, Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosiiiiiiiissssssss, flying pigs, wild pigs, pigssssss innnnnn spaccceeeeeee, wilkins coffee, islands that walk like men, mood slime, chainsaws, saftey films, toner, donald duck abuse, Yoghurt Platinum, Clubmarine, Saltweens, Disco Dairy, Disco Duck, Lard, Trash Bag Wrestling, Superfast Jellyfish, The Gizmonic Institute, Cloning deboning, dethroning, stupid nintendo games, Rusty Shackleford, Molten Boron, SCTV, Squakabilly Taxi's, An Automatic Man, Wells for Boys, Flight Rings, decoder rings, olvatine, Krakoan Gates, Sealabs, Underwater Motor Scooters, Sex Bombs, Good Guy Dolls, The Last cult, Krustyburger,Chalk Tablet Towers, nerderotica, underwear, money, fat, hank.

The problem is he's got no more worlds to conquer: He's invested in everything, and thus can't make money on a NEW venture. Barks gets some great gags out of this too with Scrooge trying and failing to buy Gyro's newest gadget and a peanut stand, only to find out he OWNS both. It really shows that despite his horrifying wealth and influence.. scrooge can't ENJOY it. To him the fun's in the chase. The having's nice too, but the world just dosen't feel the same if there isn't another rainbow to chase, something I get as a book and film collector. It's great to have, but the looking is just as fun. It's something i'm sure most can relate to especially us nerds.

Thankfully Donald and the Boys just happen to drive by: their hunting arrow heads for 50 cents a piece over in the desert for Crazy Harry's House of Cultural Approritaion. That's Crazy Harry, the man with a snake on his face.

As you can guess this story has some dated bits: while Arrowheads are still treasured, I have one my grandpa gave me, it's not nearly as kosher to sell artifacts of someones' culture for fun and profit. Even as far back as 1980 Indy himself was doing it more for the joy of history and famously said it belongs in a museum.. and evne that's starting to slip as I saw on John Oliver last year. You can find his piece bellow.

And of course they use the i word instead of native americans or indegenous peoples.

Which is annoying , but not suprising.

So our heroes go looking for Arrowheads out in the generic desert. Weirdly for Carl Barks this Desert.. isn't a specific place. There's just suddenly a giant desert outside Duckburg. I didn't notice when reading the story for this review as Barks still packs in nice detail and makes it feel real, with our heroes having to conserve water, brave dust storms and track using realistic methods where tribes may of hunted their game. For the record it was the Pueblo who were linked to this, primarily settling in new mexico. I normally woudln't be this harsh on research, I got that bit from wikipedia after all, but given both how much Barks was lauded for it and how much care he usually puts in, it's weird to see him drop the ball a bit

At any rate our heroes soon find a trail and along it some treasures they take in to town to get examined. The curator there reveals their from The Seven Cities of Cibola, seven cities made of gold and gleaming with treasure, similar to EL Dorado, based on real life rumors about lost cities that turned out to be adobe huts, something Donald brings up. Barks does find a clever way for the myth to still be true, and a shockingly modern one: given the people who found it were conquistadors and heard it through rumors, it makes sense that the people they were conquering and mistreating wouldn't tell them where the city REALLY was. It's not phrased that way, but it's still brilliant.

So our heroes decide, well Scrooge and the Boys decide Donald is just sorta swept along by the tide as usual, to go after the city, figuring the trail leads there. THey stop at a diner for some nondescript hamburgers.. and end up evedroppsed on as nearbye the Beagle Boys are kicked out of an Aid for the Poor Center for welfare fraud and are told hey hey why don't you get a job, which has aged like fine milk on the sidewalk. They naturally follow scrooge smelling money and trail our heroes. I do like the Beagle Boys Inc t-shirts they wear in this shirt, before beagle boys inc was bought by feel good inc in the mid 2000's.

Once our heroes get going Barks DOES make up for his previous non-descriptness as he cites actual locations along the trail such as big bluff and the colorado river. We also get a nice tone: normally the adventure is scrooge dragging our heroes along and being a real dick but here there's a real sense of camradery and excitment ala ducktales 2017. The boys gladly use their guidebook to help while Scrooge uses his experince, the guidebook finding them shade. Eventaully it can only go so far and they end up lost, as do their persuers. They refill the canteens but eventuallyt heir dry. It's a nice showing of the dangers of the desret and the realisim Barks really likes to use in his stories. These may be cartoon ducks but they can die just like anyone else… except of old age but you know

Our heroes fortunes don't get better when the beagles blindsight them.. but plan to just up and leave, having had enough fo the desert and having NOT stocked up on water due to being too busy persuing scrooge, leaving our heroes free to persue the cities unabated.. but near death if they do'nt find water soon. Thankfully they find an old spanish galleon and more importantly

That said I do love Donald's expression here. Barks is a master at those. It does provide our heroes with a way forward, as the logbook details both the ships survivors meeting people clad in gold and a clue about the way the ships pointing at long last our heroes reach the seven cities.. and the sight is truly gorgeous.

And inside are countless treasures, a great sequence as we see pools of coins, ruby arrowheads and most importantly an emerald statue.. set on a trap. Yes this is where the parts Indy homages come in, as it's also on a weight trap, though a far more elaborate one that will destroy the city if activated. IT's clever adn I can see why speilberg and lucas reused it and i'ts diffrent enoguh in the indy version to work as Indy tries to actually take the statue and uses clever manuvering.

At any rate we get to the climax and.. this is where the story falls apart for me: it starts well enough: the beagle boys show up, throw our heroes in a bricked up prison and star tlooting..a nd naturally stupidly trigger the trap leading to the second half of the equation for INdy's iconic opening

But again done diffrently.. with indy we actaully SEE it chase him, so Speilberg got the clear diffrence between inspiration and outright theft. He took the basic idea but made something fresh with it.

The ending… is what really weakens the story for me: everyone gets amnesia, no one remembers and the city remains buried, with scrooge not willing to go back for measly arrowheads. This ending… is all kinds of dumb. For one Scrooge talked to the professor man, he might follow up, and two.. ther'es no real reason for it. I get not wanting a white idiot to loot a fantastic city, that part's fine. Everything about the climax works … except the amnesia part. Yes scrooge could dig, but he could also damage everything or there could be nothing left. The amnesia seems tacked on because Barks coudln't be bothered to come up with an actual reason why Scrooge woudln't go back, when the trail coudl've been lost in a storm or something or the beagle boys destroyed it on the way so while Scrooge gets resuced, he has no way back. There are other ways.

Overall the Seven Cities of Cibola is a decent outing. It has a LOT of good stuff, the slow methodical apporach with little action but a lot of intrigue, the gorgeous city, and the threat not being fantastic traps or anythin gbut simply the heat and environment, and the comedy is on point, with Scrooge going from hunting arrowheads to hunting a lost city all wrapping together. Again it's really the amnesia ending that hurts it: without it this would easily be one of my favirotie scrooge tales, a well done caper that again is shockingly slow paced, but in a delebrate well done way. The ending just drops it a few knotchs in my eyes. It's still worth a look, just temper your expectations>

Next Time: Dun dunnn dunn dunn dunn, dun dunn dunn dun dun dun dun dunnn dunn dunn da da da da, da da da da dun dun dun dun da da da, dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dunnnn!

[bamsywrites]

Questions 2, 13 and 28 for the RoP Ask Game. :-)

Thank you thank you. My brain gave out on the last one 🙃

2. Who is your favorite character and why?

I think people are expecting me to say Sauron but it's not. I love Sauron obviously, but my answer is Prince Durin. He's so relatable and understandable. His friendship with elrond is Fantastic as is his marriage. But I feel like I get him as a character and relate more than I do to the elves. He's strong in his morals, he loves his friends and family deeply, he cares for the Dwarven people bit he's so flawed in his pettiness, his temper. That makes him all the more relatedable His storyline is so unappreciated and I feel the acting is on par with Celebrimbor and Sauron. What he says about looking into the kings eyes and not seeing his father, and the speech he gives his people, the fucking whole scene before the Balrog? I was a wreck. I love him.

13. What character do you want to sing? To who? What about?

This would be so so so far down the line, and under the presumption that Theo is The King Under the Mountain, but having an angry song from Isildur to Theo would be interesting. This is probably because I love Isildur just throughout all of Tolkien and also The King Under the Mountain is probably one of the stories I'm looking forward to the most in this RoP. Next to Numenor Falling and the Nazgul.

28. Do you have headcannons about any character? Or the world?

Boy do I. There's so many I have but I'll just list a few lol

I think that part of sauron did want to stay in Numenor. I think a part of him wanted a fresh start. I think this mainly because if you look at "Halbrand" he's a disheveled dude with scurvy who needs a bath. Sauron was always presented as beautiful because he admires beauty and he's egotistical as fuck. That's why first age sauron looks like that, that's why annatar looks like that. I think the fact that he came back in such a way shows that he was at a point of unknowing, of inner conflict, of possibly wanting to be redeemed. I view sauron kind of like Darth Vader sometimes. There's Mairon, who admires beauty and creating things and peace and order, who was manipulated into sauron. When Morgoth fell, he still had adar and the orcs by his side so he was able to maintain that facade without Morgoths manipulation but once they turn on him and then he's left as goo for 1000s of years, he's not so confident. But the manipulation won, in the end, and while he may have been a desire for a new start the minute sauron saw a flaw in the world, he'd seek to fix it by world domination.

Nori is a direct ancestor of the Tooks.

Keman is The Mouth of Sauron.

It's 1030 and my brain is mush I know there's more but i can't write it

X

[jeramewrites2]

Coming to terms with my bad taste.

I like it dumb.

What is it? Honestly it's everything. I don't have good taste. Or what other people say is good taste. I work in a hyperbaric oxygen clinic and there are TVs attached to each chamber. So for the ones that I am not actively treating a patient in I will throw on some of the worst movies I can find. I am talking Crabs (2021). I tend to stand and watch at least the first few mins of the movie while I get the beds ready. I know that is very different than actually sitting down and watching these movies with popcorn and no phone.

HOWEVER. I do find myself wanting to watch these movies. Something that I know other people are doing. There are subreddits dedicated to watching bad movies. I tend to swing by at least once or twice a week. I don't bath in bad movies but I seem to enjoy the bad ones more than the good ones. When I read the best books of a genre I am usually disappointed also when I listen to "Great" music I am not moved.

Then I will have my music on random and really enjoy a band that sounds an awful lot like The National. And I hate The National.... but... DO I? I am so confused. I like what I like and I am going to explore this much more.

I know that this will be a path that I walk alone. I have been enjoying bad movies and music my entire life by myself and this will be nothing different.

In that vein I watched the re-imagnining of Black Christmas. I am not a neck beard who believes that the original version of a movie is sacrosanct. I think that there can be remakes and changes that can make movies much better. I think the remake of IT (2017) proved that. I think that was a great rerun at ideas. That being said.

There are a lot of problems with Black Christmas 2019. The following will have spoilers so stop reading if you are still thinking you are going to watch it. The original movie was a slasher. There was nothing strange or special about it. It is fun to watch Margo Kidder in a movie that is not Superman but it was just a slasher at Christmas. It had a Italian Giallo aspect to it. in fact the killer is never seen on screen. The kills are first person if I remember. I have not seen it in a few years so my memory is hazy. The women in the film are sorority sisters and enjoy running around in their underwear and talking about sex while smoking pot. As all women did in the 70s before women's lib ruined everything. (THAT WAS ALL SARCASM.)

The tactic of BC 2019 is to set the women as fighters and survivors. There are two final girls and I do buy their friendships. There are trials that I enjoy watching them navigate. Within the first 15 mins we are introduced to Riley. She is a SA survivor. She was not believed when she was assaulted and by one of the many white privileged dick bags that populate this movie. All of them are pallet swaps by design and writing.

The usual way that this is done is that I summarize everything that happens in this movie and write my thoughts on it. I am not going to do that. If you want to watch the movie and then come read this then fine. If not then just read on.

There is a point in this movie were the murderous frat boys are said to be under the influence of a supernatural force. The spirit of the founder of the college is leaking out of a statue in the form of black goo. This goo when put on the forehead of pledges makes them stop thinking for themselves and just follow orders. I get what the writer/director was going for here but it feels like a half step. It feels like a producer said we need something to give us some cover for a critique. We don't wanna say that FRATs are inherently evil... SO um GHOST????

I would have preferred them just being evil. I hate to be that guy but I will be. The original had no supernatural influences, and it seems tacked on here. Just like the final battle scene. The frat vs the sororities battle scene offered no catharsis to me because I don't know these characters. All of the characters I was introduced and cared about are dead... Who are all of these women? It doesn't seem to matter. In this universe there is only one traitor woman and she is killed by the evil frat guys.

I did enjoy this movie for the most part. I think the supernatural influence makes all of the actions of the frat fall flat even though I understand the point that is being made. I would say it is defiantly worth a watch if you are interested in social commentary horror. At the end of the day I feel like this style of commentary was done better later with the re-make of Slumber Party Massacre.

As always thanks for reading.

[hangmanssunnies]

COLEY! My friend! It's me - 🚚 moving anon! I'm so sorry that this is so completely and utterly overdue. But after seeing the no-context spoilers for part 3, I realized I never gave you my feedback on part two of House We Share!! I have reread part 2, and now I'm here to rectify that. (bullet-pointed, so all of my thoughts don't get jumbled together (hopefully) because I have a lot of thoughts)

the desire to kiss him (even when he's all greasy) but hesitance because it's not the right moment just made my head thump; it's so sweet (they're so stupid - just kiss already, please)

this man bought a million dollars worth of bath products, and Sugar's first thought is: "oh, it must be for taking a bath with some girl" (Sugar, sweetheart, this man doesn't date (she doesn't know that yet I realize). he doesn't flirt with anyone except for you. just ask him to take a bath with you, he'd love to) AND THEN HE'S ALREADY WAITING FOR HIS KISS ON THE CHEEK?? MURDER ME.

The water bubble in the wall was just so them. The initial protectiveness when he doesn't know what's wrong, the subconscious kiss on the head, the terrible dad joke (why do I love him so much?), then the thirsting and flirting after he's soaked? *smirky spongebob face* you like him, don't you squidward Sugar? (if he was in my face, asking if I like sugar or honey better, my answer wouldn't matter because I would be a puddle of goo on the floor.)

their fight broke my heart :( I don't wanna talk about it (except to say that it was so well written)(also this poor man and stairs, someone move him into a one-story house)

I loved how realistic their conversation the next morning was (and I fucking loved his “Flew past honor and gentlemanly a long time ago, actually" - is there a hidden meaning buried in there? I would love to see this scene from his point of view. I feel like it would give us such an in-depth look at how he feels about her) and his constant checking to make sure she's still there? ugh

the blanket scene my beloved <3 it's amazing how Sugar is teaching him to be kinder to himself, how he doesn't have to suffer to prove a point to no one, how he is allowed comfort and kindness and love. these two are helping each other so much <3

“God, I need to take you to a museum. I can’t believe you don’t believe me. You are prettier than any of those artist muses... You are absolutely my muse. Nothing inspires me like you do, sweetheart.” Coley, I am going to walk directly into the nearest body of water as soon as I google and find out what that is.

helping him get ready for his date (that he doesn't want to go on) while feeling like she's going to cry? Sugar is a stronger woman than I am for sure.

it literally just occurred to me as I'm reading it through this time that he didn't have fun on the date and immediately came home to work on the puzzle table. I- oh my god. Sugar he is so in love with you and he doesn't know what to do about it except build the table he promised you out of the wood you suggested that he didn't think twice about using... I'm literally going to cry. and his hair is all messed up which means he was probably running his hands through it on the date because it didn't feel right because it wasn't his Sugar sitting across from him... oh my god. oh my god.

Sugar knowing things about his family (“Miss Celeste doesn’t believe in luck”) and Jake being so happy, talking about how his grandparents fell in love (sharing it with the person he cares about so much)? just so sweet. [also!! does this man play the cello?? I need to know everything about every item in his chest.] [also, also - go Miss Celeste for testing the bedframe *wink wink*]

Sugar out here making grown-ass fighter pilots cower because they’re being mean to her Jake? an absolute icon, I love this woman. Jake being like “that wasn’t necessary” and protecting her from his father. their dynamic of “I have to protect you” “No, I have to protect you” is so beautiful

I love how affectionate he is, cuddling into her neck, holding her against him and then all of the acts of service offering (painting the house how she wants to, detailing her car for her). then the question mark on the back of her hand, taking her shoes off and rubbing her feet. god he’s so sweet.

stairs curse stikes again, someone get this man into a double wide ASAP. this part was heartbreaking, physically made my chest hurt. I want so much for them but it’s just never the right circumstances.

the first time I read this, him saying that he was shipping out made my heart drop out of my ass - it still gets to me, several reads later. and then it started beating out of my chest at the “you’ll come home to me… I have to come home to you” I literally cried here, just the build up of their relationship, from part one to here, and the parallels between them and his grandparents and how much they care for each other and how everything is better when they’re together and now he’s leaving but promising to come back… I cried.

“my favorite girl” *insert ugly crying* (literally)

him specifically coming back downstairs to ask about her nails….. I don’t have words but my heart is so full.

his worries about her finding a new life while he’s gone is so heart breaking, I never considered what worries could come with a deployment (other than the obvious ones) but wow did that put a knife in my heart

him talking about his father and his childhood. and the fact that so many years later he’s still taking the blame when it’s not his fault, killed me. Sugar working to convince him that it’s not his fault, he was a child, and him working to accept that reasoning is just an excellent way to show how much they care about each other and how much they trust each other to be having conversations like that.

he thinks he isn’t capable of love… but all this man does is show love. to his friends, to his family, to his Sugar.

"Handsome, you already are a good man to me." this is the part where I started crying (again) and didn’t stop until about ten minutes after I finished reading (the hot sauce packets did make me giggle while I was crying)

As for what he asked her… I have been thinking about this since the first time I read part two. I think he asked, “Will you still love me when I get back?” Before going away for so many months, he needed to know if she’ll love him once he’s been gone for so long, with limited (or in this case no) contact. It is the only question I can think of that Sugar would be able to answer so quickly, so easily. They already know she loves him, but he’s around every day - it’s easy to love someone who is there. It’s harder to love someone who is gone.

all of this to say that I am so excited for part three and I can't wait to read it (also I will set a reminder for myself so that I actually give timely feedback <3)

Hello lovely,

Thank you so much for this beautiful ask and for sharing your thoughts on Sfumato. Poor Jake and his stairs curse. He insists on getting a single-story ranch home when they move after he gets restationed. I love how well you picked up on the little threads I threw into sfumato about how they really already are in love.

Did Jake play the cello growing up? Yes he did because I say so. Great catch on such a random minor Easter egg detail I included. 🫶

I am going to think about your comments for the next 10 hours while crying. <3 I hope you enjoy the final part when you get the chance.

[build-a-bastard]

Venom hc's

© build-a-bastard - all rights reserved. do not distribute, repost, copy, modify, or plagiarize my work. do not read my writing as asmr. all other queries - ask for permission

A/N: So some of these are a bit nsfw, if you're not 18+ do not interact with this, please. I really just wrote these on a whim then it got long 🤡 I do not have a beta reader, nor have I proofread this, or done any research beyond watching the film, so please either point out any errors in my asks or just ignore it 😌 I hope you enjoy, begins after the cut✌

Venom does not have a single fine motor skill or brain cell, so Eddie's apartment looks like it has been child proofed (locks on the knife drawer, that little like toilet clamp thingy, stuff is like blu tacked down)

Venom discovered snakes once while watching TV once, so when they're bored they'll come out of Eddie looking like a little snake and do snake things (drink with the flicky tongue, slither, weave themselves around things, which typically end up being Eddie's limbs)

Venom doesn't quite have enough goo to make a full body version of themselves without Eddie in them, so whenever they do, they're much closer to Eddie's size, they're much shorter and skinnier, but still an inch or two taller and broader than their host

Venom has begun to sleep, and when they remain out during sleep, they drool

Venom licks Eddie to get his attention when he's working, it's the only thing that gets a reaction

Venom has acted as Eddie's motorbike helmet, underwear and socks, separately, due to Eddie not doing washing and losing stuff

Eddie has picked a lock by asking Venom to make themselves very thin and pointy, Eddie already knew how to pick locks, but just forgot his kit

Venom adores using social media and their favourite is reddit, if Eddie isn't using either his phone or his laptop Venom will start using it

Venom gets drunk when Eddie gets drunk

Venom's chocolate addiction has led to Eddie being forced into a sex shop to purchase A) mini dick shaped chocolates B) chocolate body paint C) a dildo made out of solid chocolate (the cashier didn't say anything but did give strange looks to the tired man in mismatched lounge wear and sliders that looked like cod, who seemed to be muttering animatedly at nothing while he was searching the shop)

Venom has never heard of nutrition in their life and Eddie was almost admitted into hospital with scurvy because Venom kept complaining that vegetables tasted bad

Venom's favourite film is Alien and has re-enacted the alien-bursting-out-of-the-chest scene (minus the actual injury, they just concentrated a bunch of goo on Eddie's chest and "burst" out, with a little face on the end)

Venom's favourite radio station is the jazz station and will get moody if/when Eddie turns it onto the news

Eddie showered with swimming trunks on for the first couple of weeks while he was still not entirely comfortable with the concept of an alien symbiote seeing him naked

Eddie had 1 (one) orgasm in the first 6 months that he had venom, and it was a wet dream, he was so viscerally uncomfortable with the idea of jerking off in front of Venom and he wasn't really looking for a partner (out of concern for their wellbeing)

Venom discovered what porn was through twitter, one of Eddie's mutuals had retweeted a bunch of it (they claimed they'd been hacked but everybody suspected it was a case of 'wrong account'), some time later Venom asked Eddie about it, leading to Eddie's first voluntary orgasm in a long time

Eddie has a subscription to a hentai site because Venom enjoys the tentacle videos

Eddie has redecorated his bedroom 5 times now because Venom is indecisive about what their favourite colour is

(Only with Eddie's direct supervision) Venom rather likes baking

Venom loves the brand Lush, and loves their bath bombs specifically

Venom also loves baths and whenever Eddie has one (once a fortnight, at Venom's request) they spread out under the water like a network of blood vessels

Venom had described what Eddie's organs look like to him, and has replicated them in a little goo torso when he got more curious

Venom purrs like a cat when Eddie pets their head, they'll also curl up in a ball on his stomach, just like a cat

Venom absolutely melts when Eddie calls them a pet name (they still won't tolerate "parasite" though)

A/N: Might release more of these in future if I can actually think of any, I'm sure the new film will spark some inspiration (the trailer already has)

[animeomegas]

nsfw - favourite after care for the naruto boys after an intense of rough night?

Oh, I love asks like this! Let me know your own headcanons about this, I’d love to hear them! <3

(N-sfw under cut~)

Naruto: Kissing/slow sex – Naruto has the stamina of a hundred men, so after a rougher or more intense session, he likes to continue the sexual intimacy, but in a much softer way. Gentle sex or kissing is the perfect way to bring him down slowly. Soft words, gentle caresses and slow kisses. Naruto is a passionate man, so it’s no surprise he likes this kind of aftercare. It’s not uncommon for you both fall asleep while you’re still inside him.

Sasuke: Physical comfort – Sasuke needs lots of physical comfort after an intense scene. So much so, that leaving him alone for any amount of time, even just to grab a damp cloth, can make him upset. He needs hugs and caresses or his chance of dropping after sex is very high. He’s normally nonverbal after an intense scene and is very clingy. He falls asleep pretty quickly once he’s wrapped in an embrace.

Kakashi: Reading to him and cuddles – Kakashi isn’t one for talking after sex, he’s still uncomfortable with raw emotions, after all. But he also doesn’t like silence, he likes to enjoy the pleasant relaxing buzz after sex without his darker thoughts getting in the way. So, you read to him. It’s not a discussion, so Kakashi can just get lost in your voice while he dozes pleasantly, his head resting on your chest. You could read anything, he doesn’t mind, but maybe avoid things that might remind him of any bad memories. Romance stories are his favourite.

Itachi: Sweet food and drinks – Itachi always feels exhausted after an intense scene. His health isn’t the best, so intense sex leaves him drained in more ways than one. Sugar helps give him a little energy back. He likes green tea with sugar the most as far as drinks go, and mochi and dango for food. He lets you feed him because his arms feel so heavy. When he’s finished the food and feels a little less like a puddle of goo, he settles down with you to sleep. Stroking his hair is the fastest way to put him to sleep.

Iruka: Films and cuddles – Iruka enjoys cuddling and movies after intense sessions. Light-hearted comedy films are his favourite, because they are a great way to gently come down from the high. Iruka likes it if you both stay naked, cuddling underneath a blanket if it’s too cold. There’s something so intimate about naked cuddles and Iruka loves it. After an exceptionally intense session, Iruka always picks the same films because they are something of a comfort to him.

Shikamaru: Pillow talk – Shikamaru is a sucker for pillow talk, but don’t tell anyone because it would ruin his reputation! Conversations range from idle chatting to deep conversations. It’s best to let him set the tone, because sometimes deep stuff can be too much for him while he’s dealing with coming down from the sexual high. Cuddling is sometimes included, but it’s about 50/50 whether he wants space or cuddles.

Gaara: Cuddling – He likes to bask in the afterglow, content to leave clean up for later. Rub his back and leave kisses on his skin. It can get very hot in Suna, but that never stops Gaara from curling up on you like a cat. He prefers evening sex though, simply because it’s cooler and more comfortable. Aftercare is just as fun as sex for Gaara. He loves cuddling with you more than anything, and can get very grumpy if he doesn’t get his fill.

Neji: Baths – Neji cannot stand feeling sticky, so he likes to bathe after sex. So, after a very intense scene, he loves if you run the bath for him and join him in the warm water. He’s extremely weak for you washing his hair. The hot water also does wonders for any sore muscles. In his opinion, there’s no better aftercare. He is also very happy to let you brush and dry his hair after the bath. He’s lowkey a little salty if you don’t do that for him.

[letarasstuff]

The Aftermath of being kidnapped

(A/N): This was requested by an anon and is based on this and this post

Summary: Spencer’s daughter was kidnapped. What does the aftermath look like?

Warnings: Angst, but it’s also real fluffy

Wourdcount: 1.4k

✨Masterlist✨ ___________________________________ Spencer doesn’t let anyone in his life easily. His circle of close people is carefully chosen and picked. It’s for his own safety. After all, the young agent doesn’t want to get hurt by anyone again.

But ever since he held his daughter for the first time, the tiny little human being that from now on depends on him for the rest of his life, he is willing to get hurt by her, if that means she is happy. In this moment he decided that her happiness means everything to him. It’s going to be his first priority to keep her content.

He still tries to keep that promise to himself, even after over three years (to be exact 3 years, 4 months and 8 hours). That’s one reason why the last 8 hours were the worst of his life and believe me when I say that Spencer has sadly a great pool of bad times he can choose from.

Since (Y/N) went missing, all he can do is stare into the air, thinking about all the good memories he has with her. Her first word (“dada” of course), her first steps, reading every night to her either in person or over the phone.

But right now his little baby isn’t here and he isn’t able to help her. His brain is no use and the young father isn’t able to get out of the loop inside his mind.

Spencer is scared. Scared to never be able to hold (Y/N), his lifeline. Scared that the last word she heard from him is a promise he couldn’t keep, “Daddy is going to tuck you in tonight, I promise Sweetheart” instead of “I love you, Sweetheart”. Scared that she is scared at the moment. Scared that she is in pain.

There are so many things Reid is afraid of, one thing worse than the other. Having the dreading 24 hour clock above his head and all the child abduction statistics on his mind don’t help either.

Since he is captured by his own thoughts, Spencer doesn’t notice the team gearing up. Even the sudden quiet doesn’t alarm him. He is too lost in his mind to be able to register anything from his environment. Not until a small scream he is more than familiar with reaches his ears.

“DADDY!”

(Y/N) wiggles out of Hotch’s grip, leaving Spencer nearly with a heart attack as she is close to falling down. When she wrestles herself out of the Unit Chief’s grasp, she runs to her father as fast as her little legs can without tripping. The father crouches down and they clash together.

“I missed you, Daddy. I was so scwared. I- the woman was so mean and creepy. Please, never leave me again”, she cries into his chest, sobs racking her body. Spencer draws soothing circles on his daughter’s back while shifting so he sits with his legs crossed down on the floor and (Y/N) on his lap.

“I will never leave you again, Sweetheart. I love you. God I love you so so much. And it’s all over. The bad woman won’t hurt you anymore. I’m here now”, he whispers into her ear. Together they rock forth and back. As she calms down, Spencer looks up at his team. They all watch the scene go down, the strings of their hearts pulling at the painful sight.

“She still needs to get checked out. (Y/N) refused to on scene, wanting to go to you as fast as possible. She nearly bit the paramedic.” Hotch looks at his agent, who clings to his daughter. “You got a feisty one there, Reid”, Morgan adds. Spencer nods and glances at his colleagues.

“Thank you guys for saving her. I-I don’t know what I w-would do-” “And you don’t have to. Take the next two weeks off, you are more needed at home than in the office.” Hotch cut him off, smiling a little to reassure the young man.

Spencer nods in thanks. “Sweetheart, are you ready to go to the doctor’s to see if you are hurt? Are you in pain?” (Y/N) shakes her head, but he isn’t sure to what it is the answer. “Ok, come on.” He gets up and hoists her up on his hip. The little girl whimpers and hides her face into her father’s neck.

“Um, I guess I wish you a goo-” “Spence go, she needs you.” “Ok, yes. Thank you JJ.” With that Spencer takes (Y/N) to the next metro stop, never letting go of her.

Luckily they don’t have to wait long in the emergency room at the hospital. Soon Spencer’s name is called and he finds himself with his child on his lap explaining to the pediatrician the situation.

“From what I see I conclude (Y/N) only has superficial wounds and bruises. Just make sure she takes it easy the next few days”, he explains. “A-are you sure? Don’t you want to look over her for a second time? Just to be safe I mean?” Spencer looks down at his daughter, who slowly drifts off.

“With all due respect, Doctor Reid, I’m sure. Your daughter is fine.” “No, you don’t understand. She was kidnapped for crying out loud, you need to check her out a second time, to be sure.” Shockingly to him, the agent can’t think of statistics to feed his statement. He just argues out of his feelings.

“Allright. I’ll look over her again.” The doctor sighs and does his job, knowing Reid will have his way anyway. Nevertheless he doesn’t find anything new, in addition to having a now grumpy toddler, who doesn’t want to be prodded at anymore.

Later that evening after a quick dinner and a bath for (Y/N), Spencer puts her in his bed. “I’ll have to go to the bathroom and then we get to cuddle, ok?” This is anything but ok for her. As soon as the father presents his idea she begins to cry. “I-I don’t want you to leave, D-daddy”, the girl hiccups. “Daddy has to use the toilet. I’ll be quick, I promise Sweetheart.” It takes him a while to calm her down, eventually he is allowed to go to the bathroom on his own.

He is quick to get back to (Y/N). As soon as he climbs into his bed, she crawls on his chest and snakes her hands around her father’s neck. “Pwease wead two me”, she demands drowsily. Before Spencer is even able to get past one page, the toddler is fast asleep. But Spencer still continues, just savoring the feeling of his daughter close to him.

It’s safe to say that the next two weeks consist of lots of cuddles, reading together and talking. Well as much as you can talk with a three year old about what happened.

Taglist: 

Spencer Reid:

@calm-and-doctor 

x child!reader:

@ilovetaquitosmmmm

[princesssarisa]

Snow White Winter: "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" (1912 stage play by Winthrop Ames)

This Snow White might not be widely remembered, but it was the first high-profile American stage adaptation of the tale. Premiering at New York City's Little Theatre (now the Helen Hayes Theatre) in 1912, it was based on an earlier children's-theatre adaptation, Marguerite Merington's 1905 Snow-White, which in turn was based on an 1856 German play by Carl August Görner. Under the pseudonym of Jessie Braham White, it was written by impresario Winthrop Ames, and it starred popular ingenue actress Marguerite Clark in the title role.

The play script was published in illustrated book form in 1913 and is still licensed for performance to this day. In 2013, I saw a community theatre production, which inspired me to order a copy of the published script. This is why I'm able to discuss it now.

The play follows the familiar story's basic outline, but with many original touches. To begin with, in a choice that will sound familiar in hindsight to Disney fans, it combines Snow White with the archetype of Cinderella, revealing that since the princess's father died, her stepmother Queen Brangomar has dressed her in rags and forced her to work as a scullery maid. She has a retinue of bubbly little girls as her maids-of-honor, but they live in more luxury and elegance than she does. Nonetheless, her hard life hasn't spoiled her kindness and everyone but the Queen adores her. When her cousin Prince Florimond (apparently 1912 audiences still accepted the idea of cousins marrying) pays a visit, Snow White is forbidden to see him, but the maids-of-honor lend her pretty clothes and sneak her into the throne room disguised as one of themselves. There, she and Florimond share a formal dance and fall in love.

In another unique choice, Queen Brangomar isn't a witch herself, but has a comical witch godmother, Witch Hex. Her magic preserves Brangomar's youth and beauty, and she provides her with the magic mirror (which for easy staging is a hand mirror – the famous rhyme becomes "Mirror, Mirror, in my hand/Who's the fairest in the land?") and later with the poisoned comb and apple (the suffocating stay-lace is cut). She also asks to have Snow White's heart for a potion to cure her own baldness. When the potion is made using the heart that Berthold the huntsman brought, it causes pigs' tails to sprout from Hex's head instead of hair, revealing that the heart was a pig's.

The seven dwarfs are named Blick, Flick, Glick, Snick, Plick, Whick and Quee. They're a colorful, funny crew, but the only two with unique personalities are Blick, the leader, and Quee, the youngest, who never speaks (doesn't that sound familiar in hindsight?), has a bad habit of stealing, and never washes either. When the dwarfs find Snow White in their home, they're embarrassed by his filth and forcibly give him a bath. (Again, sound familiar?)

The climactic scene of Snow White's awakening takes place at Queen Brangomar's palace, not in the forest. Surprisingly, Prince Florimond has nothing to do with it, but just happens to be there to see it and reunite with Snow White afterwards. Berthold the huntsman is the one who discovers her crystal coffin in the woods, and he leads the dwarfs in carrying it to the palace to expose the Queen as a murderer. Brangomar tries to stop them, but as she struggles with the dwarfs over the coffin, they drop and shatter it, jarring the piece of apple out of Snow White's throat. In a rage, Brangomar smashes her magic mirror – which unfortunately destroys all the magic that was artificially preserving her beauty. Transformed into a comically long-nosed freak, the Queen isn't killed, but goes voluntarily into exile. Snow White is crowned as the new queen, the dwarfs become her bodyguards, Witch Hex gives up magic and becomes a friend, and all live happily ever after.

While it isn't a Broadway-style musical in the modern sense, the play is peppered with short Mother Goose-like songs and dances, with music by Edmund Rickett.

If you want a Snow White that brims with lighthearted fairy tale charm, this is a good choice. It's very much a version for children, which generally avoids the tale's potential for horror. Queen Brangomar and Witch Hex are both comic villains, the Queen just a dimwitted, whining woman-child beneath her glamorous veneer while Hex is more quirky than sinister. For the most part, this adaptation is all birds and butterflies, giggling children, goofy dwarfs, nursery rhymes and gentle humor. The fawning adoration of nearly all the characters toward Snow White is more than a little syrupy and over-the-top by modern standards too – even more so than in the later Disney version. But its old-fashioned sweetness and warmth still shine. The portrayal of Snow White herself is especially endearing, blending the requisite sweet innocence with a nice dash of spunk and cleverness. Although it's hard to tell if she's meant to be a child or a young woman in this retelling: she easily wears her child attendants' clothes and sleeps in just one dwarf's bed, yet she also has her romance with Prince Florimond. (Marguerite Clark was in her twenties, but less than five feet tall.)

If a local community theatre or school should perform this Snow White, I recommend seeing it. Though it's clearly a play from a different era, and for very young audiences, it hasn't lost its innocent appeal. It's also interesting to compare and contrast this version of the tale with the future adaptations for which it paved the way.

@ariel-seagull-wings, @superkingofpriderock

[esmealux]

The Devil Doesn’t Do Children

Part: 1 / ?

Setting: About a year after 5a

Word count: 3.3K

Rating: T

Warnings: Mention of death/murder (and, quite indirectly, foeticide)

Summary: Chloe is sick and Lucifer puts two and two together (with a little help from Dan).

Author’s note: This is my longest work so far. It was meant to be one long piece, but it ended up being 10.8K (!), so I’ve cut it into three parts. And just because I can’t help myself, there’s already a fourth on the way. Enjoy!

Usually, Lucifer wakes up bathed in golden dawn light and wrapped in the warmth of Chloe’s naked body. If it’s not her raucous snoring or the demanding screeches of her alarm that rouse him from his sleep, it is the press of her soft lips against his neck (or somewhere more south, if he’s particularly lucky, and he often is). But not today. Today he wakes up surrounded by darkness in her much too cold bed, and it’s neither her snores nor her kisses which break off his slumber. It’s the sound of Chewbacca being strangled in her bathroom. 

Or, he realises upon fully awakening, Chloe throwing up.

Alarmed and slightly annoyed that vomit of all things is interrupting his peaceful rest, he sits up in bed and stretches his taut body. Grabbing the nearest phone, he checks the time and groans when it says 05.26. Somewhere in his half-asleep mind, he recalls the Danish saying ‘Før Fanden får sko på’—now officially a synonym for 05.26, he thinks as he gets up and walks to the bathroom door barefoot.

‘Detective?’ he asks in a gruff voice, knocking quietly.

‘Don’t come in,’ she commands before heaving again.

He flinches. ‘Believe me, love, I wasn’t planning on it.’

It’s mostly said in jest, because if she asked him, he would be there by her side in a heartbeat. They’ve been through far too much together to care about the other’s less appetising sides. Besides, it wouldn’t be the first time he sees her ejecting her stomach contents, having once picked her up from an extraordinarily wild Tribe night. At least he won’t have to stick his fingers down her throat this time.

Eventually, there’s an intermission long enough for her to flush, put down the seat and open the door for him. He enters with reluctance, inspecting her warily as she sits on top of the toilet lid, her head in her hands. When she looks up at him, he gasps. ‘Oh, darling, you look positively terrible’—he leans a bit forward, assessing her ashen face—‘Abominable, really.’ Behind the thick mask of nausea and exhaustion, he thinks he sees her glare.

‘Fancy a toothbrush?’ he offers, already walking past her to find one by the sink. A hint of gratitude glints in her matte eyes as he hands it to her along with a glass of water. He smiles at her and leans against the door frame, eventually looking down to appreciate his pedicure as she rinses her mouth. ‘Is pwobably sumthin I ate,’ she mumbles around foam and toothbrush. He cocks his eye and looks up at her, scoffing. ‘You think?’ When he’d locked himself into her flat late last night after hosting an event at Lux, he’d been greeted by the sight of her and her spawn sleeping on the couch, remains of junk food cluttering up the coffee table before them. The logo on the Styrofoam had made him shake his head in disappointment and disgust. He’d cleaned it up and carried the ladies to their beds, but not before ripping one specific menu card off their fridge and tearing it to pieces. ‘I mean, it’s one thing you order garbage for yourself, but must you punish your offspring in the process? I may detest children, but even I think that’s no way to treat a child. Especially Beatrice. You do realise the men’s room at Lux are cleaner than that place, right?’

In response to his question, she pulls the toothbrush out of her mouth, lifts the lid of the toilet and, once again, disgorges her dinner.

‘My point exactly,’ he replies, before crouching down next to her to hold back her hair.

*

‘Lucifer! Did you make breakfast?!’ The doe-eyed creature shrieks as it appears from its nest, the brown, ungroomed mane falling messily around its head.

‘Good morning to you too, urchin,’ he greets her, looking up from the pot he’s stirring in to give her a half-forced smile as she takes a seat by the counter. He feels a strange itch in his hands to pull out the bar stool for her and help her up (mostly because he can’t be bothered with her tedious jumping), but to his surprise, she climbs the stool with ease—or at least not ungracefully. It tugs at something in his chest the same way it does when he occasionally is compelled to spend time with his nephew, and the babe’s already crawling, or walking, or making sounds that somewhat resemble actual words. For unfathomable reasons, it makes him feel uneasy—but mostly pleased; the sooner they grow up, the sooner they’ll stop being such pains in the-

‘Oh my God, is that bacon? And eggs? And pancakes?!’

He sighs and looks up to chide her for her unjust invocation, but swallows it when he sees her hungry, gleeful eyes. ‘Yes, here. Have some actual food,’ he tells her, nudging the plate and some cutlery in her direction. And some wet wipes, because longer limbs or not, she’s still a sticky child.

‘It’s chocolate chip pancakes!’ she exclaims upon inspecting her breakfast further, as if he didn’t already know. ‘Thank you, Lucifer. You’re the best.’ She’s beaming brightly at him now, and he feels threatened, foreseeing that she, any second, will launch her small body at him and enclose his middle, ruining his Armani suit with her greasy fingers. But she doesn’t. She just sits there and stares at him, her eyes twinkling with an emotion that looks uncannily related to one he has only ever seen in her mother’s eyes.

‘Eh,’ he breathes, his throat tightening. He looks away from her unsettling smiley face and returns his attention to the pot on the stove. ‘Well, it was the least I could do after your supposed caregiver fed you literal poison last night.’

Suddenly reminded of the Detective and her progeny’s shared meal, he turns his head to search the adolescent’s face for any signs of sickness. But she doesn’t look remotely nauseous as she devours her feed like a starving hyena cub. He quirks an eyebrow. ‘I’m guessing from your lupine appetite that you haven’t been praying to the porcelain gods like your mother?’

Beatrice’s brows knit together, her fork pausing mid-air. She (fortunately) swallows her food before she speaks, all joy in her voice suddenly gone, ‘Mom’s sick?’

‘Well, yes, but I’m positive it’ll pass soon. She just needs to… get it out of her system,’ he quickly reassures her, offering her a soft smile. The discomforting concern in the big, brown eyes slowly disappears as absolute delight takes over.

‘Does that mean you’re taking me to school?’ She asks, her small corpus barely able to contain her joy. ‘In your car?!’

He scoffs, feeling attacked. ‘As if I’d ever voluntarily drive your mum’s mind-numbingly boring example of an automobile.’ She grins at that, making a comment about how his is ‘definitely a trazillion times cooler,’ and he smiles at her, smug and victorious. ‘Exactly, child! So, yes, naturally, I will be escorting you in the corvette. But now, march off and get yourself ready while I finish this…’ he pokes around the grey goo in the pot with the wooden spoon, trying not to grimace, ‘oatmeal, for your mother. According to our friend Alexa it’s good for nauseated humans, although I highly doubt it.’

The teenager simply shrugs at that, finishes her breakfast and retreats to her burrow to get dressed. Once the porridge is done, Lucifer pours it in a bowl, puts it on a tray along with a cool glass of coke (also Alexandra’s suggestion) and carries it up to the Detective’s bedroom. He opens the door slowly as to not wake her, but the stubbornest of women is sitting on the edge of the bed, using all strength left in her depleted body to pull on her skinny jeans. Putting down the tray on the nearest surface, he darts over to her with a ‘what in Dad’s name are you doing?!’ and tugs the trousers down her legs and off her. ‘We have to go to work, Lucifer,’ she objects rather weakly, not even trying to put her jeans back on. ‘I have to go to work,’ he corrects her, carefully laying her down once he’s freed both her feet. ‘You, Detective, need to stay here and rest until you can keep it all inside you.’ He senses she’s about to protest again, so he places a kiss on her forehead and assures her, ‘Trust me, dear, everything is taken care of.’ Even as nausea has tinted her face green, she manages to narrow her eyes at him in scepticism. ‘Just promise me you’ll behave,’ she eventually mutters as she gives up and nuzzles into the blankets.

He lightly strokes her shoulder with the back of his fingers and quietly walks out of the room, leaving her with a dramatic sigh and an ‘As you wish.’

*

Daniel is already at the crime scene when Lucifer arrives after depositing the urchin. He’d thought he’d have to go through an entire day of purgatory—or paperwork, as the Detective pronounces it—and it was only worsened by the fact that he wouldn’t have his partner by his side. If she had been there, he could at least have distracted them both with some suggestive looks here, some subtle touches there, and—when he’d worked her into a frenzy of desire—a coffee break or two in the parking garage. Instead, he’d have to endure the agonising tedium on his own, even as there were, at a minimum, three hell loops he’d rather spend his time in than do paperwork at the precinct all day. But then Miss Lopez had called and informed him they’d got a new case. He’d been absolutely delighted (as delighted as it is allowed when someone has dropped dead), but only until he’d made the mistake of telling her that the Detective was home sick, and she’d said that she would ‘call Espinoza ASAP’ and tell him to meet them at the scene. If he had just kept his mouth shut, he could have got the case all to himself, instead of having Detective Douche tag along.

Taking a deep breath, he checks his cuffs and takes his time approaching the douche in question. ‘Sorry I’m late. Your spawn spent quite some time choosing the right attire,’ Lucifer offers in greeting. Daniel looks him up and down with raised eyebrows, his eyes landing on the perfectly folded crimson pocket square. ‘For a normal school day? Wonder who inspired that kind of vanity in her.’

‘Well, it certainly wasn’t her father,’ Lucifer deadpans and nods towards Daniel’s hoodie/jacket/jeans-combination.

With a humourless laugh and a shake of his head, Dan stuffs his hands in his pockets and turns on his heels to walk up the stairs and into the residential building. After bringing out his flask and taking a long swig, Lucifer follows him.

When they enter the flat, Miss Lopez is leaning over the body with her camera. The sight is oddly welcoming. Comfortably familiar. She’d only come back a week ago after being away for a little over a month, on a much-deserved vacation in New Zealand, and Lucifer had missed her cheerful spirit and their crime scene banter terribly. The latter is, much to Lucifer’s annoyance, cut short today by Daniel ‘Buzz-Kill’ Espinoza’s ‘So, Ella, what can you tell us about the vic?’

It’s a rather uninteresting case; a woman, Laura Greene, 26, has been murdered in her home. Stabbed with a kitchen knife, first in the abdomen, then the chest. No signs of B&E, no signs of struggle. A swift and impulsive act—no doubt a crime of passion according to Ella. The most obvious culprit would be an angered partner, but the roommate, who found the body, tells them the victim wasn’t in a relationship and rarely went on dates or brought anyone home. On top of that, Roomie can’t think of anyone who would hurt dear Laura. And the neighbours are just as useless; one is a deaf elder lady, and the others were chasing the dragon at the time of death. The rest of the floor haven’t heard or noticed anything either. Consequently, they have absolutely nothing once they get to the precinct. Ella goes through evidence and Daniel through piles and piles of papers, leaving Lucifer to stand awkwardly in the corner of Ella’s lab, with no desires to unveil or miscreants to threaten.

As to not die of boredom, he zooms out and lets his mind wander. He’s in the middle of designing a strategy for how to make Chloe finally agree to try the deliciously sinful position he considers one of his favourites when Ella’s frustrated sigh interrupts his planning.

‘Something troubling you, Miss Lopez?’ he asks her, pulling out his flask.

She tells him she has nothing. No match on the fingerprints from the murder weapon, no useful surveillance tapes, no clues at the scene that can tell her the gender, age, or occupation of the murderer. Nada. Just the fact that it was done in a moment of heat.

Before Lucifer can answer, Dan walks in with a puzzled look on his ill-favoured face, his arms filled with highlighted printouts. ‘Could she’ve been pregnant?’

Ella tilts her head. ‘I mean, it’s not impossible, but based on what her roommate told us, I wouldn’t bet my money on it. You know, because our girl Laura had no boy toyz.’

Lucifer can’t hold back a snort. ‘Please, Miss Lopez, all it takes is a boy toy, singular, ten minutes in a bathroom stall and the absence of contraceptives.’

Dan looks at him with disgust and horror before shaking his head and returning his attention to Ella. ‘Well, no,’ he answers her, ignoring Lucifer’s comment entirely, ‘but then I thought about the other thing her roommate said, about Laura throwing up during the past weeks, and I thought-’

‘But Michelle said she thought it was an eating disorder, like Laura’d had before,’ Ella interrupts him, looking to Lucifer for support. He just purses his lips and looks back. Truth be told, when they’d been talking to the roommate, the mentioning of vomit had reminded him of his feeble Detective at home and he’d excused himself to send her a text. He therefore hadn’t heard whatever explanation the woman had offered (nor her arguments for why the victim’s sickness would be relevant to them). Fortunately, Dan answers.

‘Yeah, I know, I thought that too, but then I saw she paid a bill to an OB-GYN earlier this month, and it could just be a gynaecological check-up or something, but then I remembered how badly Chloe suffered from morning sickness when she was pregnant with Trixie, so I…’

Lucifer stops listening as Daniel’s words—one in particular—suddenly whirl around him, loud and ominous. His heart starts pounding faster and his throat goes dry. He instinctively grips the edge of the lab table.

‘Surely there could be other explanations,’ he manages to get out, interrupting his co-workers’ discussion. ‘Food poisoning, for instance.’

Dan and Ella look at him with equally sceptical looks. ‘Not for ten days straight,’ Ella argues.

‘But there is a myriad of reasons for a woman to throw up,’ he defends as he starts frantically googling. ‘Indigestion, stomach bug, chemotherapy, motion sickness… aha, migraine!’

When Lucifer looks up from his phone, Daniel is looking at him like he’s questioning his sanity. Miss Lopez seems concerned too, but more in an ‘dude, you okay?’-way than anything else.

Ella slowly takes her eyes off Lucifer’s face and eyes Dan shortly. ‘Well, we can’t know for sure before we get the final results from the autopsy, but from what Dan has found, she could quite possibly be pregnant.’

‘But,’ Lucifer objects, barely audibly, like someone has knocked the wind out of him, ‘she can’t be.’ He’s staring out into empty air, unwelcome images suddenly flooding his mind, as Daniel and Miss Lopez continue talking. He’s on the verge of what he thinks might be a panic attack when a voice, her voice, drags him out of his own head.

‘Hey guys,’ she greets them. She’s hoarse and looks a little tired, but the green tinge is gone.

‘Detective,’ is what he manages to say back. She looks at him with soft eyes and it’s enough for him to come back to his senses for a moment. Surprised by her presence, he begins to ask, ‘Are you done-’

He was going to say ‘puking your guts out’ but she widens her eyes at him and cuts him off, ‘Having a bad headache? Yes, thank you, Lucifer. I just needed some rest.’

‘Right,’ he mumbles, giving her one slow nod. She walks over to stand close beside him and brushes her fingers against the back of his hand, somehow sensing that he’s tense. 

‘Okay, what have we got?’ She looks to Dan and Ella and lets go of Lucifer’s hand. He instantly misses her touch.

They fill Chloe in, telling her about everything from the lack of leads to small, seemingly insignificant details. When she’s completely up to date, she has that look on her face, eyes slightly narrowed, like she has a (historically, clever) theory.

‘Well,’ she begins, still visibly thinking, ‘it does take two to tango.’ She side-eyes Lucifer, a small smirk playing at the corner of her lips. It’s clear she expects a remark or a praising grin in return, and he tries, but it comes out as a grimace and a strained ‘eh’. She gives him a funny look before continuing her theory, ‘What I mean is, boyfriend or not, there’s still a father out there. Maybe he found out and couldn’t handle the news? Maybe he was married to someone else? Or… he just didn’t want to be a dad?’

Lucifer feels his heartbeat speed up once again. An odd emotion he can’t quite name spreads in his chest. It feels like a disease.

‘Sure seems like motive, but how are we gonna find him?’ Dan asks. Not one second later, Miss Lopez’ ‘found him!’ sounds from where she’s leaning over her computer. ‘Tech just got access to her photos —kinda tricky since she had this super secure lock-’

‘Who is he, Ella?’ Chloe demands.

Ella clicks on the screen and turns the computer around so they can see. ‘The guy’s everywhere in her camera roll. I don’t know, he seems kinda familiar, but-’

‘That’s Max Steinfeld!’ Dan exclaims when he sees the photo. It’s taken in bed, post-orgasm Lucifer would say, judging from the blissful aura. Laura’s got a hand on the man’s chest who, indeed, is the chap who starred on that horrible teenage comedy show and today is trying to redeem himself by doing mediocre action movies and… settling down with Hollywood’s sweetheart. 

‘But he’s dating Simone Riley,’ Lucifer enlightens his colleagues upon his revelation. ‘They’re tying the knot this spring.’

Chloe shoots him a questioning look, and he tells her he got a mani-pedi the other day. She nods her head in understanding.

‘Well, if he’s engaged, he probably wasn’t ecstatic when Laura told him she was pregnant with his baby.’

As she asks Dan to get the actor’s current location all Lucifer can do is stand there and stare at her, as if he might find the answers to the thousands of questions in his head written on the side of her face. But he doesn’t. He only finds the familiar beauty mark, a perfectly pointed eyebrow, and the smooth, marble-like skin of the woman he loves. And it makes him yearn for those answers even more.

Part II  |  Part III  | Part IV (coming soon)

[hkfuckabilityranking]

Official Hollow Knight Boss Fuckability Ranking

Grey Prince Zote (#31) The Ultimate incel. This guy is so obsessed with himself that he can’t comprehend anyone else having a personality. He pounds you for one minute without lube, comes, and immediately falls asleep. I cannot describe how little I want to fuck him. 

Galien (#30) This man is not to be trusted. You know he’d open the door for you to be “chivalrous,” complain about feminists, and say you owe him sex because he paid for dinner. 

Traitor Lord (#29) I don’t know how else to put it— this man is a sexist homophobe. He was so threatened by his own sisters’ authority that he went and sucked on some toxic orange goo to be better than them. This man is an incel. 

The Collector (#28) Look, normally I’d be into a black amorphous blob, but the man is Obsessed with grubs. I don’t want to fuck something that likes kidnapping kids. 

Gorb (#27) Classic example of ‘being intelligent doesn’t mean you’re interesting.’ Obsessed with himself. Would Not treat me right. 

Flukemarm (#26) Look at all those sexy, sexy hol— nope, I can’t do it. Maybe some people want to fuck those holes, but I’m still stuck on her living in the sewers. 

Massive Moss Charger (#25) This is. A Bush. I do not want to fuck a bush. 

Nosk (#24) Would eat me and not in the sexy way (unless you’re into vore). Nice legs though. 

Winged Nosk (#23) Every benefit and drawback as Nosk, except that it has wings, which gives it a slight edge. 

Dung Defender (#22) A nice guy, but he’s senile and bathes in literal shit. Sorry dude, but you’re not fuckable. 

Elder Hu (#21) Sorry folks, I don’t have an old guy kink. Even if he’ll literally smash me to bits, that doesn’t make up for his age. 

White Defender (#20) Dung Defender, but before his fall. Decent combatant, devoted to his friends, but you know he’s just going to end up rolling in shit. 

Vengefly King (#19) Looks like he’d be hard to kiss, but he’s a literal king AND he can hold you up while he fucks you on the ceiling. Unfortunately, he’s emotionally unavailable. How can I tell? I just Know. 

Enraged Guardian (#18) Same benefits and drawbacks of the crystal guardian, he’s just faster 

Crystal Guardian (#17) Slow, screams a lot, but decent color sense. 

Soul Master (#16) Powerful, can fly, can do magic. Unfortunately, he’s obsessed with power and won’t spend enough time on me. He’ll lock himself away in his study instead of locking me to the bed. 

Markoth (#15) Classic shield, skilled at magic, nice cape, good color scene. Unfortunately, he likes to make you follow him around, and that’s not sexy. 

Brooding Mawlek (#14) Social, loving, with an orange goo hot tub on top of its head? It might not be the most fuckable, but it’s a decent hookup 

Uumuu (#13) Normally, I’d be down for tentacles. Unfortunately, with uwu there’s nothing TO fuck— the tentacles are too short. Electricity is Very sexy though

Soul Warrior (#12) Look at him— classy, althetic, has a sword. It’s everything I look for in a dinner date and hookup. 

False Knight (#11) Big. Strong. That’s a bear right there. Also, the armor? Very sexy. -2 points because he doesn’t fill out his armor. 

God Tamer (#10) This lady loves her pet, and I can respect that. Unfortunately, she’s also not an incredible fighter. Nothing special, nothing terrible. 

Xero (#9) Now THIS is a man with swords. Two swords? Four swords? Six swords? He has it all. Not to mention his impeccable fashion sense. I’d trust this man to rail me right. 

Watcher Knights (#8) Look, I like a good gangbang as much as the next person, and there are eight of these fellows. Not so sure about the whole roly-poly aspect, but so long as there’s at least two of them focused on me, I’m into it 

Nailmasters Oro and Mato (#7) Look, these guys are absolute units. They’re combat masters, thick as hell, AND there’s two of them. Hell yeah. 

Hive Knight (#6) Cute, devoted, and master of an army. What’s NOT to like? This guy would take you home, make you dinner, and give you oral until you scream. He’s a sweetheart! Unfortunately, he has nothing visually to make him sexier than some of the other characters. 

Hornet (#5) Bicon. Has a sword. Can and Will step on me. What’s not to love? (except her flighty tendencies). She’d fuck me and run, but my god what a fucking it would be. 

Mantis Lords (#4) These are powerful women. They’re competent politicians, incredible warriors, and have some gorgeous horns to boot. Not to mention that there’s THREE of them. These women would take care of me. I’m talking chained to the bed and fucked until I can’t even think. 

The Hollow Knight (#3) This one has it all. Long legs, combat capabilities, horns, a sword, AND a bondage kink. The hk would make love to me, and they’d make love to me WELL 

Grimm (#2) Okay. Okay. This man? This man right here? This is a goth KING. He’s the lord of nightmares, the keeper of the heart, AND he wants to coparent. He’s lithe, slender, an incredible opponent, and he runs his own business. I can’t describe how much I want to peg him. 

Radiance (#1) This woman is a literal Goddess. This woman saw what she loved, and became it. And when an invader came into her land and tried to wipe her out, she destroyed his kingdom. She is beautiful, she is powerful, and I love her more than anything. I would worship the floor beneath her feet, but she’s so powerful she doesn’t even stand on the floor. If she loved me, she would peg me, and I can’t imagine anything sexier than that.